WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:08.200 You men need to enter your spouse's world and believe me, you will die there. 2 00:00:14.600 --> 00:00:18.800 We're talking about warring for your marriage. 3 00:00:18.900 --> 00:00:26.200 And in episode one, I talked about putting the first thing first, seeking first the kingdom of God. 4 00:00:27.000 --> 00:00:30.600 In this message, I want to stay in Ephesians 5. 5 00:00:30.700 --> 00:00:33.400 If you have your Bible, look at verse 25. 6 00:00:34.300 --> 00:00:36.000 And I'm a guy, so I'm a man. 7 00:00:36.000 --> 00:00:38.900 So I'm going to speak from a male perspective. 8 00:00:38.900 --> 00:00:50.800 So I'm talking to men and women here, but I'm really targeting men because I feel like men so often are so disengaged in their marriage. 9 00:00:50.800 --> 00:00:52.200 They're engaged at work. 10 00:00:52.900 --> 00:00:55.200 They're engaged maybe even at church. 11 00:00:55.700 --> 00:01:00.600 They're engaged with their buddies, but a lot of times they're disengaged when they get home. 12 00:01:00.600 --> 00:01:06.700 So I really want to emphasize this, but in a way, this is for both the husband and the wife. 13 00:01:06.700 --> 00:01:09.200 And it's verse 25, verse 25. 14 00:01:09.200 --> 00:01:17.500 We read husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her. 15 00:01:18.000 --> 00:01:22.500 So action number two, enter your spouse's world and die there. 16 00:01:23.000 --> 00:01:26.500 Enter your spouse's world and die there. 17 00:01:26.700 --> 00:01:33.900 Now, specifically, Paul is talking about a man, a husband, entering his wife's world and dying there. 18 00:01:33.900 --> 00:01:40.800 The key to this is to love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her. 19 00:01:41.400 --> 00:01:47.100 So there's this love aspect of looking at Christ and his love for us. 20 00:01:47.600 --> 00:01:50.200 Jesus left his world. 21 00:01:50.400 --> 00:01:56.300 Jesus left his comfort, his father, and he entered into our world and gave his life on a cross. 22 00:01:56.700 --> 00:01:58.700 Jesus left the comfort of heaven. 23 00:01:59.300 --> 00:02:01.000 Jesus left his father. 24 00:02:01.600 --> 00:02:04.600 Jesus left a perfect, united world. 25 00:02:04.800 --> 00:02:12.800 But then he entered our sinful, negative, selfish, divided world, and he became like us. 26 00:02:12.800 --> 00:02:13.800 He became a man. 27 00:02:13.900 --> 00:02:18.100 He identified with us by becoming like us, and he died here. 28 00:02:18.500 --> 00:02:21.200 He entered our world and he died here. 29 00:02:21.900 --> 00:02:28.200 And men and women, this is one of the craziest concepts for a man to get. 30 00:02:28.200 --> 00:02:39.500 And I'm going to preach it to women here also, is when you get married, you are signing up to enter your spouse's world 31 00:02:39.500 --> 00:02:45.500 and understand them and study them and love them and know what their strengths and weaknesses are. 32 00:02:45.700 --> 00:02:51.100 Be able to enter into that world and begin to love them there in that world. 33 00:02:51.100 --> 00:02:55.700 Just as Christ entered our world and he came here and he died here. 34 00:02:55.900 --> 00:02:57.300 He gave his life for us. 35 00:02:57.700 --> 00:03:02.500 You men, you ladies need to enter your spouse's world. 36 00:03:03.000 --> 00:03:09.700 And believe me, if you enter their world, you will die there. 37 00:03:09.800 --> 00:03:11.500 It's really, really hard. 38 00:03:12.000 --> 00:03:17.000 When you get married, I've often said you don't need so much of a marriage license as you need a passport 39 00:03:17.700 --> 00:03:20.900 because you've entered a totally new world. 40 00:03:20.900 --> 00:03:22.500 You men know what I'm talking about. 41 00:03:22.600 --> 00:03:24.200 You ladies know what I'm talking about. 42 00:03:24.200 --> 00:03:25.700 It's a different language. 43 00:03:26.300 --> 00:03:35.100 It's a different culture, different smells, different clothes, different values, different tone of voice. 44 00:03:35.900 --> 00:03:36.800 It is tough. 45 00:03:36.800 --> 00:03:39.400 And so it's like you've entered a whole nother country. 46 00:03:39.700 --> 00:03:42.300 For you women, it's entering into male country. 47 00:03:42.700 --> 00:03:46.200 For you men, it's entering into female country. 48 00:03:46.800 --> 00:03:47.900 And it is tough. 49 00:03:48.000 --> 00:03:55.100 And the challenge for a successful marriage is for you men and you women to be able to enter your spouse's world. 50 00:03:55.500 --> 00:03:58.300 And believe me, if you enter that world, you will die there. 51 00:03:59.200 --> 00:04:01.500 It is so different. 52 00:04:02.200 --> 00:04:04.500 When I married Liz, holy smokes. 53 00:04:05.200 --> 00:04:15.300 Just the first three weeks, I was just in perpetual shock by so many different things. 54 00:04:15.300 --> 00:04:17.200 I can't even remember all the details. 55 00:04:17.200 --> 00:04:23.500 But I remember just being kind of shell-shocked and actually felt like I was a missionary entering into her world. 56 00:04:23.500 --> 00:04:24.800 It was so different. 57 00:04:24.800 --> 00:04:26.100 I remember our honeymoon. 58 00:04:26.300 --> 00:04:27.000 First day. 59 00:04:27.200 --> 00:04:28.700 Okay, so this is how it all got started. 60 00:04:29.200 --> 00:04:32.000 So first day, honeymoon, Hawaii. 61 00:04:32.100 --> 00:04:33.500 I mean, we're in Maui. 62 00:04:33.800 --> 00:04:35.900 We're in Maui, Hawaii. 63 00:04:35.900 --> 00:04:40.800 We just got flew out of Tokyo 12 hours before. 64 00:04:41.200 --> 00:04:42.100 I wake up. 65 00:04:42.100 --> 00:04:46.000 I am ready to go to the beach and there's a cliff there. 66 00:04:46.000 --> 00:04:47.700 Man, I want to dive off the cliff. 67 00:04:47.700 --> 00:04:49.300 I want to get snorkeling equipment. 68 00:04:49.300 --> 00:04:50.400 I want to go snorkeling. 69 00:04:50.400 --> 00:04:56.000 I am pumped and Liz absolutely doesn't want to have anything to do with it. 70 00:04:56.400 --> 00:04:58.300 She just wants to sleep. 71 00:04:58.300 --> 00:05:00.000 She's exhausted from the wedding. 72 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:05.760 she's exhausted from the dinners we've had and all the festivities and I 73 00:05:05.760 --> 00:05:10.880 realized uh-oh this is really different because I to me it was just obvious we 74 00:05:10.880 --> 00:05:13.800 need to be out on the beach we need to be snorkeling we need to be diving off 75 00:05:13.800 --> 00:05:20.720 the cliffs and for her it was resting and staying inside for a while and so I 76 00:05:20.720 --> 00:05:27.200 had to calm my jets slow down and begin to realize that life had just changed I 77 00:05:27.200 --> 00:05:35.120 had to enter into my wife's world and I had to die there the key words in this 78 00:05:35.120 --> 00:05:42.520 verse are love and grace men you have to enter your wife's world with love and 79 00:05:42.520 --> 00:05:49.000 grace women you have to enter your man's world with love and grace think 80 00:05:49.000 --> 00:05:55.520 how powerful our marriages would be if just on this one concept we began to do 81 00:05:55.520 --> 00:06:01.520 this if we as men began to think every time we are together with our wife that 82 00:06:01.520 --> 00:06:05.760 we're trying to understand where they're at and we try to enter into their world 83 00:06:05.760 --> 00:06:11.240 and we try to understand where they're at with love and grace and then identify 84 00:06:11.240 --> 00:06:17.040 with that and love them there and I'll tell you man this is so hard it's so 85 00:06:17.040 --> 00:06:23.320 difficult to leave our comfort to leave our buddies to leave our hobbies and 86 00:06:23.920 --> 00:06:28.440 enter into our wife's world or husband's world you will die there and it is 87 00:06:28.440 --> 00:06:33.080 really really tough but it is the key it's the key to a happy marriage is to 88 00:06:33.080 --> 00:06:38.680 be able to enter into our spouse's world understand their values understand who 89 00:06:38.680 --> 00:06:47.240 they are so I studied my wife and you know it's been over 35 years and so I 90 00:06:47.240 --> 00:06:52.840 know her intuitively now but for many years I had to literally think through 91 00:06:52.840 --> 00:06:59.720 you know where's Liz coming from on this and to try to even anticipate her 92 00:06:59.720 --> 00:07:05.760 perspective in relation to a particular issue especially parenting I can tell 93 00:07:05.760 --> 00:07:09.520 you guys out there if you have kids you know what I'm talking about for you out 94 00:07:09.520 --> 00:07:13.560 there that haven't had kids you're gonna understand it later but a woman's 95 00:07:13.560 --> 00:07:18.960 perspective on parenting is really different than yours in most cases I 96 00:07:18.960 --> 00:07:23.280 mean it's pretty rare that the husband and wife are exactly the same in how to 97 00:07:23.280 --> 00:07:29.800 raise the kids but Liz came from a very loose family background there weren't a 98 00:07:29.800 --> 00:07:35.120 lot of rules or a lot of there wasn't a lot of moral or spiritual guidance and 99 00:07:35.120 --> 00:07:42.520 so as we moved into parenting Liz wanted a pretty structured environment and she 100 00:07:42.520 --> 00:07:50.040 was a little more strict than me I came from a background it was very clear what 101 00:07:50.040 --> 00:07:53.600 the expectations were and what the boundaries were but there was a lot of 102 00:07:53.600 --> 00:08:00.160 grace in it so Liz the pendulum swung over a little bit stronger on the 103 00:08:00.160 --> 00:08:05.760 boundaries and for me it swung a little bit more on the grace so we were you 104 00:08:05.760 --> 00:08:10.360 know butting heads a lot on that but when I understood where Liz was coming 105 00:08:10.440 --> 00:08:14.800 from in her background it really helped me understand how she wanted to make 106 00:08:14.800 --> 00:08:20.600 sure that the children had clear boundaries now I did too but the way in 107 00:08:20.600 --> 00:08:25.080 which she was emphasizing it was just really different than me so we 108 00:08:25.080 --> 00:08:30.360 compromised we found that common ground because we began to understand each 109 00:08:30.360 --> 00:08:34.840 other and love each other a discipline I mean disciplining kids that's a whole 110 00:08:34.840 --> 00:08:38.799 another talk we can talk about as far as parenting but we kind of came across 111 00:08:39.000 --> 00:08:44.960 that in two different ways also and we compromised we found that common ground 112 00:08:44.960 --> 00:08:52.360 in parenting our kids and disciplining our kids I would say that both Liz and 113 00:08:52.360 --> 00:09:00.200 I were always a bit skeptical of corporal punishment of like whacking 114 00:09:00.200 --> 00:09:05.640 kids and stuff like some Christian parents do we never felt like that was 115 00:09:05.640 --> 00:09:11.880 the best way to bring discipline so we learned to have the kids run around the 116 00:09:11.880 --> 00:09:19.480 house clean up bathrooms that was pretty good punishment you tell a kid to go into 117 00:09:19.480 --> 00:09:23.760 the guest bathroom and clean out the toilet they I think they would rather 118 00:09:23.760 --> 00:09:29.440 have had a spanking than that but that's what I mean we we we work together we 119 00:09:29.440 --> 00:09:34.920 know our backgrounds we study each other we go in there and we try to bless each 120 00:09:35.000 --> 00:09:40.160 other and in the process of that blessing it's it's exciting it's really 121 00:09:40.160 --> 00:09:46.720 fun and so now here we are in the later stages of our parenting we just have one 122 00:09:46.720 --> 00:09:54.280 child still at home she's 18 but we're in this new phase it's kind of fun 123 00:09:54.280 --> 00:09:58.240 because I know Liz likes to exercise but she doesn't like to exercise the way I 124 00:09:58.240 --> 00:09:59.240 like to exercise 125 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:07.600 I love to get on the weights and do push-ups and do the elliptical and take hardcore walks 126 00:10:07.600 --> 00:10:14.160 and things like that and Liz likes a less strenuous but more consistent workout. 127 00:10:14.160 --> 00:10:20.660 So even today, our son Samuel who's getting ready to move to DC, he's been with us since 128 00:10:20.660 --> 00:10:28.600 law school, in charity we took a long, hour long, hour and a half long walk or hike and 129 00:10:28.800 --> 00:10:34.840 we did that mainly because Liz loves that and I like it too but her especially and then 130 00:10:34.840 --> 00:10:40.080 this afternoon we're going to play pickleball and so you know you change, you change as 131 00:10:40.080 --> 00:10:46.880 you get older and you again, you try to enter your spouse's world and if you want to stay 132 00:10:46.880 --> 00:10:51.640 unified and you want to stay together, you compromise a little bit. 133 00:10:51.640 --> 00:10:56.680 I know some of you guys like to play golf and golf's great, tennis is great, those sports 134 00:10:56.680 --> 00:11:04.360 are great, hunting and fishing's all great but if your wife is not involved or not in 135 00:11:04.360 --> 00:11:08.200 complete approval, you're going to have to compromise probably on some of that kind of 136 00:11:08.200 --> 00:11:11.760 stuff if you want to keep your marriage, if you want to keep a successful marriage. 137 00:11:11.760 --> 00:11:17.840 So learn to enter your spouse's world, learn to be willing to go to the cross and die for 138 00:11:17.840 --> 00:11:23.000 that person and watch what God will do, it's worth it, it's an exciting life. 139 00:11:23.000 --> 00:11:29.000 So in my next message, I want to talk about action point number three so join us for that.