WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.000
Hey, everyone.

2
00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:02.000
All right.

3
00:00:02.000 --> 00:00:09.880
So today we're going to be talking about who does God say that he is.

4
00:00:09.880 --> 00:00:16.980
And I wanted to start out by explaining and giving you background story on how the Lord

5
00:00:16.980 --> 00:00:20.040
really impressed this into my life.

6
00:00:20.040 --> 00:00:26.540
And he's made any helped me understand that it has to truly be the foundation of everything.

7
00:00:26.540 --> 00:00:32.540
Even before I know who it is that I am, I have to know and have everything in my existence

8
00:00:32.540 --> 00:00:40.020
revolve, completely revolve around who he says that he is.

9
00:00:40.020 --> 00:00:47.180
And so the story that I wanted to start off with today was about my crisis of faith.

10
00:00:47.180 --> 00:00:54.460
And the verse that I picked to kind of show how this is highlighted in scripture as a

11
00:00:54.460 --> 00:01:01.340
very usual struggle to go through, including, you know, thousands of years ago is by looking

12
00:01:01.340 --> 00:01:04.580
at Psalm 42, two through three.

13
00:01:04.580 --> 00:01:10.260
So it says my soul thirst for God, for the living God, when can I go and meet with God?

14
00:01:10.260 --> 00:01:16.100
My tears have been my food day and night while people say to me all day long, where is your

15
00:01:16.100 --> 00:01:17.500
God?

16
00:01:17.500 --> 00:01:22.460
And that's how I felt when I was in my crisis of faith, I couldn't find God.

17
00:01:22.460 --> 00:01:30.660
I couldn't, um, I, I had always grown up believing that God existed.

18
00:01:30.660 --> 00:01:36.820
So I was saved when I was four, I was baptized in the spirit when I was not a seven, and

19
00:01:36.820 --> 00:01:39.700
I was baptized in water when I was nine.

20
00:01:39.700 --> 00:01:47.340
And I know 100, 100, 100% positive that I was saved, but the, and it was so odd because

21
00:01:47.340 --> 00:01:52.180
my whole life revolved around always trying to be good, always trying to do the right

22
00:01:52.180 --> 00:01:53.180
thing.

23
00:01:53.180 --> 00:01:54.180
Why?

24
00:01:54.180 --> 00:01:56.460
Because God said, so what does God say that I'm supposed to do?

25
00:01:56.460 --> 00:01:58.100
Who does God say that I'm supposed to be?

26
00:01:58.100 --> 00:02:02.540
How am I supposed to please God from the time that I got up to the time that I went to bed,

27
00:02:02.540 --> 00:02:09.419
my entire thought process has always revolved around God.

28
00:02:09.419 --> 00:02:13.740
So I know that for other people, they have to, they have to learn it.

29
00:02:13.740 --> 00:02:17.140
They have to try to remember to include God in their day.

30
00:02:17.940 --> 00:02:23.660
For me, it was, it was so infused into my life from such a young age, from just the

31
00:02:23.660 --> 00:02:28.380
environment that I was in, the fact that I not only did we go to church, but, and I grew

32
00:02:28.380 --> 00:02:32.340
up in a Christian home, but also I had was at a Christian school.

33
00:02:32.340 --> 00:02:41.540
I did homeschool, but I did a very solid Christian curriculum and where they talked about God

34
00:02:41.540 --> 00:02:45.980
in every single subject, every single day.

35
00:02:45.980 --> 00:02:49.820
And I didn't know that somebody like me could have a crisis of faith, especially if I had

36
00:02:49.820 --> 00:02:54.860
chosen God for myself at so such young age.

37
00:02:54.860 --> 00:03:03.460
And I determined my actions, my feelings, everything all day, every day about him.

38
00:03:03.460 --> 00:03:08.140
I didn't understand that I, that someone like me could begin to question at the age of,

39
00:03:08.140 --> 00:03:13.740
I don't know, I think it was like 22, 23 could question whether or not God existed.

40
00:03:13.860 --> 00:03:15.300
I thought that I was way past that.

41
00:03:15.780 --> 00:03:21.300
And, and I had even experienced and felt the power of the Holy spirit himself.

42
00:03:21.340 --> 00:03:26.700
And I still at age 22, 23 questioned it.

43
00:03:27.660 --> 00:03:37.220
And what happened was I was just so upset with, with how it felt to me, like God had,

44
00:03:38.340 --> 00:03:41.940
I don't know, victimized me to life.

45
00:03:42.180 --> 00:03:47.580
The bad things that he'd allowed to happen, how he, how I felt like no matter how much I

46
00:03:47.700 --> 00:03:53.020
worked, he wasn't pleased enough that I always had to push harder.

47
00:03:53.180 --> 00:03:58.980
It was always that I couldn't have it or that it was going to be later.

48
00:03:58.980 --> 00:04:01.860
And it was probably going to be several thousand years down the road.

49
00:04:02.300 --> 00:04:06.220
And there was something in me finally that just snapped.

50
00:04:06.620 --> 00:04:10.460
And basically what it was is I was not dealing.

51
00:04:10.580 --> 00:04:14.580
I was taking all of these things, one thing right after another, that were

52
00:04:14.580 --> 00:04:19.220
disappointments and I would hold them up against God and accusation saying, you

53
00:04:19.220 --> 00:04:20.860
know, Lord, you did this to me.

54
00:04:20.860 --> 00:04:21.300
You do this.

55
00:04:21.300 --> 00:04:21.540
Okay.

56
00:04:21.540 --> 00:04:24.500
I'm supposed to believe that you're good, but you did this, you know?

57
00:04:24.500 --> 00:04:24.740
Okay.

58
00:04:24.740 --> 00:04:25.660
I'm, I'm sorry, Lord.

59
00:04:25.660 --> 00:04:29.180
And I know that you're, that you say that you love me and I'm supposed to believe

60
00:04:29.180 --> 00:04:33.660
that you love me and that I'm supposed to love you too, but you did this and you

61
00:04:33.660 --> 00:04:35.540
allow this and you're not allowing this.

62
00:04:35.540 --> 00:04:40.100
And I had so many accusations built up that what also built up to the

63
00:04:40.100 --> 00:04:45.140
point where eventually I couldn't ignore it at 22, 23 years old was the fact

64
00:04:45.140 --> 00:04:49.740
that I had built a tremendous amount of resentment and bitterness against the

65
00:04:49.740 --> 00:04:55.660
Lord, well, that just festered in me to the point where I began to wonder since

66
00:04:55.660 --> 00:04:59.820
life with looked and felt so awful.

67
00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:02.840
And I felt stuck.

68
00:05:02.840 --> 00:05:07.040
I thought, which of course we just know as a spiritual wilderness, but because I felt

69
00:05:07.040 --> 00:05:13.440
so stuck, I thought maybe God doesn't exist.

70
00:05:13.440 --> 00:05:15.040
Maybe, maybe that's my issue.

71
00:05:15.040 --> 00:05:21.200
I'm actually believing in something as a crutch that's in my imagination.

72
00:05:21.200 --> 00:05:26.600
That's actually the thought that I was just, and the possibility that I just felt threatened

73
00:05:26.600 --> 00:05:28.320
with.

74
00:05:29.000 --> 00:05:35.320
So what I did is I remember that one day I was, I'd reached the end of myself.

75
00:05:35.320 --> 00:05:38.480
And I literally, it was like a movie.

76
00:05:38.480 --> 00:05:44.240
I literally fell from a standing position onto my knees in my apartment.

77
00:05:44.240 --> 00:05:47.640
And I looked this way and I thought, okay, over here, you know, cause I'm going to make

78
00:05:47.640 --> 00:05:48.640
a decision.

79
00:05:48.640 --> 00:05:51.960
I'm going to make a decision for myself, whether or not I believe that God is real.

80
00:05:51.960 --> 00:05:56.240
And interestingly, the Holy spirit told me my heart as I was falling, he said, Ashley,

81
00:05:56.240 --> 00:05:59.560
he said, when you get up from here, you will have made a decision for the rest of your

82
00:05:59.560 --> 00:06:00.560
life.

83
00:06:00.560 --> 00:06:02.040
I'm like, okay.

84
00:06:02.040 --> 00:06:05.960
Which is so funny because if I'm going through this crisis of faith, I'm not quite sure if

85
00:06:05.960 --> 00:06:07.360
God even exists.

86
00:06:07.360 --> 00:06:11.880
And yet I heard the Holy spirit say to me, Hey, by the way, when you get up, you're going

87
00:06:11.880 --> 00:06:14.000
to have made a decision for the rest of your life.

88
00:06:14.000 --> 00:06:15.000
That determines it.

89
00:06:15.000 --> 00:06:18.080
In other words, you're never going to come back to this point where you question it again,

90
00:06:18.080 --> 00:06:21.800
you're going to make a decision and it's going to be final.

91
00:06:21.800 --> 00:06:23.040
And I fully accepted it.

92
00:06:23.040 --> 00:06:24.600
I'm like, okay, well then there you go.

93
00:06:24.600 --> 00:06:28.240
And that's true because I was so used to hearing God.

94
00:06:28.240 --> 00:06:31.880
I was so used to hearing the spirit that I didn't question it.

95
00:06:31.880 --> 00:06:38.520
Even though my emotions were so, uh, had turned me so against God that I was questioning whether

96
00:06:38.520 --> 00:06:39.520
or not it existed.

97
00:06:39.520 --> 00:06:43.560
I am fully aware of this makes no sense, but as you all know, who have gone through very

98
00:06:43.560 --> 00:06:47.200
difficult struggles when you're in the middle of them, they make no sense.

99
00:06:47.200 --> 00:06:52.720
So I decided, okay, over on this side of me over on the right side is my future.

100
00:06:52.720 --> 00:06:57.580
It is how it is, what it is that I'm going to decide to do.

101
00:06:57.580 --> 00:07:07.760
And it also is my, my, um, uh, basically my decision of what things are, my determination

102
00:07:07.760 --> 00:07:11.520
of what things would look like if God's not real.

103
00:07:11.520 --> 00:07:14.600
And if I choose that, he's not real over here.

104
00:07:14.600 --> 00:07:15.600
Okay.

105
00:07:15.600 --> 00:07:16.600
God's real.

106
00:07:16.600 --> 00:07:17.600
Okay.

107
00:07:17.600 --> 00:07:20.160
So these are my two, these are my two choices.

108
00:07:20.160 --> 00:07:24.360
And it's like, I physically put them in these two places.

109
00:07:24.360 --> 00:07:32.440
And, um, I, so I looked over here and I thought, okay, if, you know, what, if I just choose

110
00:07:32.440 --> 00:07:38.120
that God doesn't even exist, then I could just live my life with him, not even existing.

111
00:07:38.120 --> 00:07:40.520
And I was like, what would that be like?

112
00:07:40.520 --> 00:07:45.680
And because I gave myself like a physical direction to look, it kind of helped me solidify

113
00:07:45.680 --> 00:07:48.920
and solidify what it was that I was doing and my determination.

114
00:07:48.920 --> 00:07:54.680
So I looked and then I realized, and I thought, okay, what would it be like to step into that?

115
00:07:54.680 --> 00:07:59.400
And I kind of began to feel into that as weird as that might sound to begin to feel and imagine,

116
00:07:59.400 --> 00:08:01.920
okay, stepping into that and living like that.

117
00:08:01.920 --> 00:08:10.620
And then I realized in order to do that, I, for God to not be real, I don't have anyone

118
00:08:10.620 --> 00:08:14.680
left to be mad at because I was so mad.

119
00:08:14.680 --> 00:08:15.840
I was so mad.

120
00:08:15.840 --> 00:08:16.840
I was embittered.

121
00:08:16.840 --> 00:08:17.840
I was resentful.

122
00:08:17.840 --> 00:08:23.160
And then I realized I can't do it.

123
00:08:23.160 --> 00:08:24.160
I can't do it.

124
00:08:24.160 --> 00:08:26.360
I am too mad.

125
00:08:26.360 --> 00:08:29.160
I have to have someone to be mad at.

126
00:08:29.160 --> 00:08:37.520
So therefore, if I'm mad and I can't let go of this anger towards God, because it is too

127
00:08:37.520 --> 00:08:41.240
important to just let go of it really happened.

128
00:08:41.240 --> 00:08:42.720
He really did this to me.

129
00:08:42.720 --> 00:08:44.240
It's what I was feeling inside.

130
00:08:44.240 --> 00:08:49.240
And therefore I knew 100%, oh, I believe God's real.

131
00:08:49.240 --> 00:08:57.640
I know he's real because my anger has a direction that it is pointed towards.

132
00:08:57.640 --> 00:09:00.320
And that is, and it is a real thing that exists.

133
00:09:00.320 --> 00:09:03.600
In other words, what it is that I was mad at was a real thing.

134
00:09:03.600 --> 00:09:05.880
It wasn't in my imagination.

135
00:09:05.880 --> 00:09:09.560
So I knew from the fact that I couldn't even let go of my anger towards him.

136
00:09:09.560 --> 00:09:13.320
And I was not going to let him off the hook by not being, by not existing.

137
00:09:13.320 --> 00:09:18.760
I knew when a hundred percent positive, oh yeah, I, there's no doubt in my mind and there's

138
00:09:18.760 --> 00:09:27.120
no doubt in my, in my, my true knowing, you know, your knower, there's no doubt in me

139
00:09:27.120 --> 00:09:29.640
whatsoever that God exists.

140
00:09:29.640 --> 00:09:30.640
Okay.

141
00:09:30.640 --> 00:09:33.560
So now that I've determined that for myself now, what am I going to do?

142
00:09:33.560 --> 00:09:36.840
And I realized, okay, well now I have to decide if he's good or evil.

143
00:09:36.840 --> 00:09:37.840
Cause I just don't know.

144
00:09:38.640 --> 00:09:40.920
You know, is he good or is he, is he not?

145
00:09:40.920 --> 00:09:45.040
Because it feels like he's trying to kill me and I am not exaggerating when I say that

146
00:09:45.040 --> 00:09:52.880
it really, when you are in that bad of a pit, it really does feel like you're like something's

147
00:09:52.880 --> 00:09:58.580
chasing you and trying to squelch you, trying to snuff you out.

148
00:09:58.580 --> 00:09:59.840
And I thought, obviously God's.

149
00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:02.900
biggest, most powerful being in the universe.

150
00:10:02.900 --> 00:10:05.460
So obviously it must be him, you know?

151
00:10:05.460 --> 00:10:07.540
And so I thought God was truly out to kill me.

152
00:10:07.540 --> 00:10:09.620
It just felt like there were that,

153
00:10:09.620 --> 00:10:12.220
that things were happening that surely God,

154
00:10:12.220 --> 00:10:15.060
if he's in, if he's, you know, in full control,

155
00:10:15.060 --> 00:10:16.460
he should have been able to avoid.

156
00:10:16.460 --> 00:10:18.260
So if he didn't avoid it,

157
00:10:18.260 --> 00:10:21.580
if he didn't cause it to be avoided,

158
00:10:21.580 --> 00:10:24.540
well then, you know, he just left me unprotected

159
00:10:24.540 --> 00:10:27.840
or he caused it himself is what I was thinking.

160
00:10:27.840 --> 00:10:29.180
So again, it just felt like,

161
00:10:29.200 --> 00:10:31.440
I think he might just be out to kill me.

162
00:10:31.440 --> 00:10:33.880
Well, surely that makes him evil, right?

163
00:10:33.880 --> 00:10:36.760
So anyway, but God says that he's good.

164
00:10:36.760 --> 00:10:38.880
So is he good or evil?

165
00:10:38.880 --> 00:10:40.680
And I thought, you know what?

166
00:10:40.680 --> 00:10:42.120
I don't know.

167
00:10:42.120 --> 00:10:43.960
I go, okay, well, I don't know about that one.

168
00:10:43.960 --> 00:10:45.160
So let's go to the next one.

169
00:10:45.160 --> 00:10:48.560
And the third thing was, am I going to follow him or not?

170
00:10:50.400 --> 00:10:53.480
And I thought, okay, well, if he's evil

171
00:10:53.480 --> 00:10:55.200
and he's trying to kill me,

172
00:10:56.180 --> 00:11:01.180
wouldn't I just rather at least get something out of life

173
00:11:01.220 --> 00:11:04.420
like a good time, a good experience

174
00:11:04.420 --> 00:11:06.220
because he's trying to kill me anyway.

175
00:11:06.220 --> 00:11:11.220
So why not just make the most of my time here, right?

176
00:11:11.260 --> 00:11:13.860
And I could finally start trying all those other things

177
00:11:13.860 --> 00:11:16.580
that all of these people say are so much fun.

178
00:11:16.580 --> 00:11:19.060
They say drugs and sleeping around

179
00:11:19.060 --> 00:11:20.840
and they go partying or whatever.

180
00:11:20.840 --> 00:11:22.900
And I've never done any of these things

181
00:11:22.900 --> 00:11:24.720
because I just thought that they were bad,

182
00:11:25.220 --> 00:11:27.220
but they all seem to think that they're fun.

183
00:11:27.220 --> 00:11:29.140
So if God doesn't exist

184
00:11:29.140 --> 00:11:30.980
or if God's just trying to kill me anyway,

185
00:11:30.980 --> 00:11:32.780
well, then I might as well try them

186
00:11:32.780 --> 00:11:34.580
and see if I think that they're fun

187
00:11:34.580 --> 00:11:36.980
and see if I can at least make my life a lot happier

188
00:11:36.980 --> 00:11:38.900
because dadgummit, I'm doing finally what it is

189
00:11:38.900 --> 00:11:41.620
that I want to do instead of always trying to ask God

190
00:11:41.620 --> 00:11:43.860
what he wants me to do, right?

191
00:11:43.860 --> 00:11:46.900
So anyway, that was my conundrum.

192
00:11:46.900 --> 00:11:51.620
Could I do that if he exists and he's evil?

193
00:11:51.620 --> 00:11:53.260
And I realized I couldn't

194
00:11:54.260 --> 00:11:56.800
because when I looked deep down inside of myself

195
00:11:56.800 --> 00:12:00.560
and I really touched with the place in me

196
00:12:00.560 --> 00:12:02.200
that could touch God,

197
00:12:03.280 --> 00:12:08.280
I knew that if God just existed, even if he was evil,

198
00:12:09.160 --> 00:12:12.700
if he existed, I had to follow him.

199
00:12:15.240 --> 00:12:18.400
In fact, at that moment in making that decision,

200
00:12:18.460 --> 00:12:23.460
I didn't understand how someone knowing that God exists

201
00:12:24.180 --> 00:12:27.940
could rebel and choose to not follow him.

202
00:12:27.940 --> 00:12:30.980
It was just that much of a,

203
00:12:31.900 --> 00:12:34.840
I don't know, it was just that foundational

204
00:12:34.840 --> 00:12:38.860
of a, I don't know, just a principle or truth to me.

205
00:12:38.860 --> 00:12:40.700
It's like, even if he's evil,

206
00:12:40.700 --> 00:12:44.660
if he is God and he's really out there, I have to follow him.

207
00:12:44.660 --> 00:12:46.380
And so I basically told him that.

208
00:12:46.380 --> 00:12:48.280
I said, okay, God, I just feel like

209
00:12:48.280 --> 00:12:50.880
you're just martyring me either.

210
00:12:50.880 --> 00:12:53.800
And you're just trying to kill me for your own glory.

211
00:12:53.800 --> 00:12:55.520
I said, that's honestly what it feels like.

212
00:12:55.520 --> 00:12:56.920
I don't know if you're doing that or not,

213
00:12:56.920 --> 00:12:59.720
but I am telling you that is how my life feels

214
00:12:59.720 --> 00:13:01.680
when I wake up every day.

215
00:13:01.680 --> 00:13:05.560
But Lord, I know you exist.

216
00:13:05.560 --> 00:13:08.860
And yes, for the rest of my life, I will follow you.

217
00:13:10.560 --> 00:13:15.560
This determination, this decision was not,

218
00:13:15.660 --> 00:13:18.100
this is what I'm supposed to do because God,

219
00:13:18.100 --> 00:13:19.880
this is what God wants and whatever.

220
00:13:19.880 --> 00:13:23.580
No, this was, I've got nothing to give God.

221
00:13:23.580 --> 00:13:25.020
I am mad at God.

222
00:13:25.020 --> 00:13:29.340
I've got no love, you know, and it's what it felt like.

223
00:13:29.340 --> 00:13:34.220
And I, this was just me when I got down to brass tacks

224
00:13:34.220 --> 00:13:36.260
and it was my choice.

225
00:13:36.260 --> 00:13:39.740
I wasn't doing anything because I thought I should.

226
00:13:39.740 --> 00:13:40.940
I was so mad at God.

227
00:13:40.940 --> 00:13:42.780
I didn't care if he thought I should.

228
00:13:43.720 --> 00:13:45.640
I was, I don't know,

229
00:13:45.640 --> 00:13:48.440
almost like a bit of rebellion or something like that.

230
00:13:48.440 --> 00:13:52.040
No, it was my choice, my intentional decision.

231
00:13:52.040 --> 00:13:54.040
Like, God, this is what I'm going to do.

232
00:13:55.640 --> 00:13:57.200
And then he spoke to me.

233
00:13:57.200 --> 00:13:59.840
You know, and by the way, all of this took,

234
00:14:01.120 --> 00:14:06.120
I don't know, at the absolute most, it took me 10 minutes.

235
00:14:06.600 --> 00:14:08.160
I don't even know that it took that long.

236
00:14:08.160 --> 00:14:11.360
And this is like a very serious decision, right?

237
00:14:11.360 --> 00:14:14.660
Very serious thing, you know, does God exist or not?

238
00:14:14.660 --> 00:14:19.180
Not what logic can I find and can I come up with

239
00:14:19.180 --> 00:14:20.460
or that other people have told me

240
00:14:20.460 --> 00:14:22.660
or that I can find a scripture to convince myself?

241
00:14:22.660 --> 00:14:25.820
No, just nothing but me and my knower of like,

242
00:14:25.820 --> 00:14:30.300
or of deep down the very seed of my existence.

243
00:14:30.300 --> 00:14:33.740
What do I know is true and what am I going to act on?

244
00:14:33.740 --> 00:14:37.820
And anyway, so once I made the decision,

245
00:14:37.820 --> 00:14:39.220
I told God, I said, okay, God,

246
00:14:39.220 --> 00:14:41.360
even if you're trying to kill me,

247
00:14:41.360 --> 00:14:44.400
I will follow you because you exist.

248
00:14:44.400 --> 00:14:47.240
And I understand there's no love in that.

249
00:14:47.240 --> 00:14:50.760
It wasn't even subservient-ness,

250
00:14:50.760 --> 00:14:55.760
it was more of an idea that if God really exists,

251
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:04.720
Is the king of the universe who created the universe.

252
00:15:06.000 --> 00:15:12.800
It's an obvious choice that the creature would choose to serve.

253
00:15:12.800 --> 00:15:14.640
It was just kind of like a fact.

254
00:15:15.440 --> 00:15:18.720
It wasn't like I was putting myself in a servant position of like, well,

255
00:15:18.720 --> 00:15:23.120
Lord, I'm nothing and you're everything or, or Lord, I just love you.

256
00:15:23.920 --> 00:15:24.720
None of those things.

257
00:15:24.720 --> 00:15:26.320
It was just like, it was just fact.

258
00:15:26.320 --> 00:15:28.400
It was like, it's like gravity.

259
00:15:28.400 --> 00:15:29.280
How could it be otherwise?

260
00:15:29.280 --> 00:15:30.480
It's just like, well, this is what it is.

261
00:15:30.480 --> 00:15:33.040
So therefore I'm just going to accept.

262
00:15:34.720 --> 00:15:36.240
A law that's in place.

263
00:15:36.240 --> 00:15:39.680
That's kind of like what it was, but I told Laura, so Lord, this is my choice.

264
00:15:39.680 --> 00:15:40.640
And this is what I'm choosing.

265
00:15:41.360 --> 00:15:44.560
So just like the Holy spirit has told me, I made that decision.

266
00:15:44.560 --> 00:15:47.600
And the Lord, and the Lord there, when I was in that place, he can,

267
00:15:47.600 --> 00:15:49.040
he affirms some things to me.

268
00:15:49.840 --> 00:15:55.840
He said, Ashley, he said, this is the lowest place that anyone ever gets in life.

269
00:15:56.640 --> 00:15:57.840
They can lose a spouse.

270
00:15:57.840 --> 00:15:58.960
They can lose children.

271
00:15:59.600 --> 00:16:04.640
He said they can have all, they could be, you know, raped.

272
00:16:04.640 --> 00:16:07.600
They could have some horrible, horrible things happen to them.

273
00:16:07.600 --> 00:16:09.440
Someone could try to murder them.

274
00:16:09.440 --> 00:16:14.800
They could go through some horrible traumas, but this actually the spiritually, those might

275
00:16:14.800 --> 00:16:19.280
be all kinds of experiences that trigger this, that triggers someone to come to this place.

276
00:16:19.280 --> 00:16:24.080
But this place actually is seriously the lowest that anyone can get.

277
00:16:24.480 --> 00:16:27.040
And what was interesting about that?

278
00:16:27.040 --> 00:16:28.240
It's like, it feels like a pit.

279
00:16:28.800 --> 00:16:30.480
I discovered God was there.

280
00:16:30.480 --> 00:16:34.640
I was found that God was in the lowest place that we could ever get.

281
00:16:35.200 --> 00:16:38.320
You know, he says that he's in the highest heights and the greatest steps, you know,

282
00:16:38.320 --> 00:16:38.880
and all of that.

283
00:16:38.880 --> 00:16:40.400
And that, and that he's everywhere.

284
00:16:41.520 --> 00:16:45.920
So he said, he said, actually, you know, this is the lowest place that anyone can ever get

285
00:16:46.560 --> 00:16:47.040
with me.

286
00:16:47.680 --> 00:16:51.440
And he said, and I promise you, you will never be here again.

287
00:16:52.400 --> 00:16:54.480
So you hit it one time.

288
00:16:55.040 --> 00:16:58.240
In other words, the more you, the one and done thing.

289
00:16:58.800 --> 00:17:01.360
And so now you won't ever be this low again.

290
00:17:02.480 --> 00:17:03.520
I was so grateful.

291
00:17:03.520 --> 00:17:04.560
I was like, well, that's good.

292
00:17:04.560 --> 00:17:05.680
Cause this is awful.

293
00:17:07.119 --> 00:17:10.480
And then he said, so actually he said, you don't know me at all.

294
00:17:11.200 --> 00:17:12.960
You don't, he said, you're right.

295
00:17:12.960 --> 00:17:14.240
You don't know me.

296
00:17:14.240 --> 00:17:16.079
Cause like, cause I had mentioned that earlier too.

297
00:17:16.079 --> 00:17:17.839
And I said, Lord, I have no idea who you are.

298
00:17:18.480 --> 00:17:20.800
I don't know if you're good or if you're evil, but I'll follow you.

299
00:17:21.440 --> 00:17:22.160
And he said, you're right.

300
00:17:22.160 --> 00:17:22.720
You don't know.

301
00:17:23.680 --> 00:17:26.640
He said, but I'm going to reveal two things to you.

302
00:17:27.520 --> 00:17:29.760
He said, I'm going to reveal to you that I'm good.

303
00:17:30.560 --> 00:17:33.840
And then I'm left, which I thought was fascinating.

304
00:17:33.840 --> 00:17:36.640
You know, of all the things that he could say about himself, he said, those are the

305
00:17:36.640 --> 00:17:41.520
two things that right now in this moment that I'm going, that I'm telling you, I am going

306
00:17:41.520 --> 00:17:44.640
to rebuild of, of, of who I am to you.

307
00:17:45.600 --> 00:17:48.560
And I said, and I just kind of say, okay.

308
00:17:49.280 --> 00:17:57.120
It was just like, I had no, um, no positive emotion to be able to pour into the moment.

309
00:17:57.120 --> 00:17:59.280
I was just at the end of myself.

310
00:17:59.280 --> 00:18:02.000
So I got up and went about the rest of my day.

311
00:18:02.640 --> 00:18:03.520
And that was my moment.

312
00:18:03.520 --> 00:18:04.480
It was my crisis of faith.

313
00:18:04.480 --> 00:18:09.680
And over, I think it was a year, maybe it was two, but I think it only took a year.

314
00:18:09.680 --> 00:18:13.360
God taught me and confirmed to me that he was good.

315
00:18:13.360 --> 00:18:16.320
And it wasn't like I knew what was going on at the time.

316
00:18:16.320 --> 00:18:19.040
I didn't realize that God was teaching me that he was good.

317
00:18:19.680 --> 00:18:26.000
I just knew about, you know, when the, I don't know, when the year was over or year and a

318
00:18:26.000 --> 00:18:32.800
half or however long it took, I just remember a moment where, I don't know, I think something

319
00:18:32.800 --> 00:18:40.800
happened and I did not, you know, probably, you know, something negative and I didn't

320
00:18:40.800 --> 00:18:42.480
question the goodness of God at all.

321
00:18:42.480 --> 00:18:44.480
And I didn't question the goodness of God at all.

322
00:18:44.480 --> 00:18:47.280
So, you know, God's, God's a very good God.

323
00:18:47.280 --> 00:18:55.440
So this thing just happened, but that doesn't make him or doesn't mean that he's not good.

324
00:18:55.440 --> 00:18:59.840
It, and all of a sudden I thought, oh my word, God's been teaching me that he's good.

325
00:18:59.840 --> 00:19:05.680
And I learned it, you know, cause I, I wasn't consciously and intentionally learning, trying

326
00:19:05.680 --> 00:19:09.360
to learn that God was good, but he was quietly doing it.

327
00:19:09.360 --> 00:19:14.800
And it was just evident when something came up and I made that choice, obviously, you

328
00:19:14.800 --> 00:19:16.000
know, God's good.

329
00:19:16.720 --> 00:19:20.400
I was looking, I'm looking the horrible, awful, ugly thing right dead in the face.

330
00:19:20.400 --> 00:19:20.640
Wow.

331
00:19:20.640 --> 00:19:21.760
That is really good.

332
00:19:23.200 --> 00:19:23.920
Oh my word.

333
00:19:23.920 --> 00:19:24.880
So I've learned it.

334
00:19:24.880 --> 00:19:29.040
The love God's love has taken me much longer to learn.

335
00:19:29.040 --> 00:19:30.560
God's still working with me on that.

336
00:19:31.520 --> 00:19:39.280
But that one has a, that accusation against God run is much bigger and much deeper in

337
00:19:39.280 --> 00:19:39.680
my life.

338
00:19:39.680 --> 00:19:44.000
And I have more accusation against him, I guess, in that area that I had built up over

339
00:19:44.000 --> 00:19:48.320
time, you know, thinking that it was the, that the, that he's not loved, you know,

340
00:19:48.320 --> 00:19:49.680
it was affirmed by all of these things.

341
00:19:49.680 --> 00:19:50.560
He's wrath.

342
00:19:50.560 --> 00:19:51.440
He's strict.

343
00:19:51.440 --> 00:19:52.400
He's all of this.

344
00:19:53.120 --> 00:19:56.800
And so Lord has had a lot in my life to overcome.

345
00:19:56.800 --> 00:20:00.000
So that one's taking longer, but.

346
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:08.880
I have learned enough to have learned at least to a very, very significant extent that God

347
00:20:08.880 --> 00:20:09.880
truly is love.

348
00:20:09.880 --> 00:20:13.600
He's just always taking me to greater and greater depths of that, which he will for

349
00:20:13.600 --> 00:20:18.120
eternity because as I believe God is always expanding and getting bigger, which is why

350
00:20:18.120 --> 00:20:20.200
I think the universe is always expanding.

351
00:20:20.200 --> 00:20:24.800
I believe that that's a picture that God has given to us in nature of the fact that he's

352
00:20:24.800 --> 00:20:26.040
always expanding.

353
00:20:26.040 --> 00:20:34.080
He's always expanding, then we're always learning more about how love, how much love he is.

354
00:20:34.080 --> 00:20:37.400
So that was my crisis of faith.

355
00:20:37.400 --> 00:20:43.720
And and from there, God began to teach me all other, all kinds of other things about

356
00:20:43.720 --> 00:20:44.720
him.

357
00:20:44.720 --> 00:20:45.720
Let's see.

358
00:20:45.720 --> 00:20:46.720
I'm trying to see.

359
00:20:46.720 --> 00:20:47.720
There we go.

360
00:20:47.720 --> 00:20:52.280
I'm trying to get my notes up here.

361
00:20:52.280 --> 00:20:58.320
And so one of the things, some of the things that I learned before we get into some particular

362
00:20:58.320 --> 00:21:01.640
stuff, who it is that God says that he is, because I pulled out some ones that are very

363
00:21:01.640 --> 00:21:06.240
important to me and that I've learned with people are the ones that seem to stand out

364
00:21:06.240 --> 00:21:10.400
the most, have the most impact things that they question the most that they struggle

365
00:21:10.400 --> 00:21:11.400
with.

366
00:21:11.400 --> 00:21:12.400
And we'll be talking about those.

367
00:21:12.400 --> 00:21:18.800
But, but first of all, I wanted to say that we think that God is something because he

368
00:21:18.800 --> 00:21:21.960
does these things and he doesn't do these other things.

369
00:21:22.640 --> 00:21:26.560
But that's actually not what determines who God is.

370
00:21:26.560 --> 00:21:30.280
God is who he is because he says that.

371
00:21:30.280 --> 00:21:34.760
So he is something and he is the one who tells us that he's that.

372
00:21:34.760 --> 00:21:38.120
That's how we know that that's what he is.

373
00:21:38.120 --> 00:21:43.240
When we look in and God even talks about this and Romans one or Romans two talks about the

374
00:21:43.240 --> 00:21:49.040
fact that even nonbelievers can look at creation and it can point to God.

375
00:21:49.040 --> 00:21:57.200
But God himself is the one who has to reveal to us in our hearts, who he truly is.

376
00:21:57.200 --> 00:22:10.240
And we can't ever gain any kind of we can't truly understand who he is from hearing about

377
00:22:10.240 --> 00:22:16.120
him through other people that can prompt our conversations with the Lord, but anything

378
00:22:16.200 --> 00:22:21.280
that we hear about the Lord from other people, it has to resonate in our spirit, their spirit

379
00:22:21.280 --> 00:22:27.600
of God within us has to be the one to affirm that in order for us to be able to bank on

380
00:22:27.600 --> 00:22:29.120
the fact that that's actually true.

381
00:22:29.120 --> 00:22:37.800
So a lot of this of us have have developed our sense of who God is, you know, developed

382
00:22:37.800 --> 00:22:44.800
our sense or, or developed our, our thoughts and our foundation of who he is from what

383
00:22:44.800 --> 00:22:49.800
other people have told us that he is, it could be parents, it could be, you know, pastors

384
00:22:49.800 --> 00:22:52.800
or counselors or teachers.

385
00:22:52.800 --> 00:22:58.360
And they've tried to help us through difficult times where we're emotionally distraught,

386
00:22:58.360 --> 00:23:02.920
where we, and what they're seeing is they, we need to be comforted.

387
00:23:02.920 --> 00:23:08.480
So they try to tell us that God is these things, or they'll maybe they don't, they don't like

388
00:23:08.480 --> 00:23:09.480
how we're behaving.

389
00:23:09.480 --> 00:23:14.600
So they're saying, so they'll tell us things like, well, God, this is how God sees this.

390
00:23:15.400 --> 00:23:19.000
And therefore God is wrath, and therefore God is strict, and they're trying to give

391
00:23:19.000 --> 00:23:23.320
us logical explanations for things they're trying to, my point is they're trying to approach

392
00:23:23.320 --> 00:23:25.280
it logically.

393
00:23:25.280 --> 00:23:30.800
They're also, and, and the thing is that leaves us dependent on other people's interpretation

394
00:23:30.800 --> 00:23:37.840
of who God says that he is, instead of relying on God himself to reveal who he is.

395
00:23:37.840 --> 00:23:45.440
So what we've done is we have, we have also, so we've done that we've also relied on our

396
00:23:45.440 --> 00:23:52.160
own experiences or what we have viewed of other people's experiences in order to teach

397
00:23:52.160 --> 00:23:53.960
us who God is.

398
00:23:53.960 --> 00:24:00.720
And the problem is all of those can't, none of those things can tell us who God is.

399
00:24:00.720 --> 00:24:07.320
We actually have to learn that only from God himself, everything that someone else says

400
00:24:07.320 --> 00:24:14.440
or that you think that you see evidence of in, in, in your experience or someone else's

401
00:24:14.440 --> 00:24:18.640
experience of God, it has to be affirmed by God.

402
00:24:18.640 --> 00:24:24.000
God himself has to tell you, has reveal it to you in your spirit and in your experience

403
00:24:24.000 --> 00:24:30.880
of him, not the experiences that happen in your life, your experience with your interaction

404
00:24:30.880 --> 00:24:38.760
with his being not God, would you give me a sign by doing this and calling that some

405
00:24:38.760 --> 00:24:45.200
kind of an interaction with God's being, it has to be him revealing something to you personally

406
00:24:45.200 --> 00:24:46.200
in your spirit.

407
00:24:46.200 --> 00:24:50.440
And when he does, no one else can take that, can take that away.

408
00:24:50.440 --> 00:24:58.120
And then what we must do is we have to then act on, on who, on who he says that he is,

409
00:24:58.120 --> 00:25:00.000
and that will completely transform.

410
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:08.640
our life. Um, that means that, oh, well, it's, let me kind of approach it from different perspective.

411
00:25:09.920 --> 00:25:18.800
So what I'd like you to, to do during this program, and I'm a little nervous about

412
00:25:18.800 --> 00:25:25.200
explaining the wording it this way, but it's very powerful. Think of it like,

413
00:25:26.160 --> 00:25:36.800
abandon your concept of Christianity and just choose to learn who God is by letting him tell

414
00:25:36.800 --> 00:25:46.000
you. Just completely abandon your concept of religion, of tradition, of the way you've always

415
00:25:46.000 --> 00:25:50.560
done things, what everybody that around you, what you and everybody around you have always

416
00:25:50.720 --> 00:25:59.760
believed about God abandonment concept of the religion of the structure of the preconceived

417
00:25:59.760 --> 00:26:07.360
ideas, even no matter how much of a foundation that, that, that is. In other words, no matter

418
00:26:07.360 --> 00:26:12.640
how deep you have to go, like if you have to go to like six years old or something like that

419
00:26:13.200 --> 00:26:19.200
and choose to learn who God is by letting him tell you as you experience him.

420
00:26:20.080 --> 00:26:24.800
So who does God say? And we'll be talking about that when we talk about like a practice that you

421
00:26:24.800 --> 00:26:33.120
can do. So who does God say that he is? So in there, one of the things that he, uh, that he

422
00:26:33.120 --> 00:26:37.280
expresses about himself, which fascinatingly was the first thing that he told me, you know,

423
00:26:37.280 --> 00:26:40.960
when I was going through my crisis of faith is he said, Ashley, I'm going to teach you that I am

424
00:26:41.520 --> 00:26:46.640
good and that I am love. And I thought, okay, well, that's, those are interesting ones to

425
00:26:46.640 --> 00:26:50.560
pick out. Well, fascinatingly, those are ones that God repeats throughout scripture.

426
00:26:51.200 --> 00:26:56.960
Constantly. In fact, I've written all of these. I'm just going to read a, uh, I think just one

427
00:26:56.960 --> 00:27:03.360
of the scriptures out to you, but then I'm going to give you a myriad of other verses that all say

428
00:27:03.360 --> 00:27:11.440
the same thing. So repeated throughout scripture is the Lord is good and his love endures forever.

429
00:27:11.440 --> 00:27:16.960
So this is first mentioned in first chronicle 1634, but it's also mentioned in second chronicle

430
00:27:16.960 --> 00:27:21.680
seven three. And that's the one that I wanted to read because that is when Solomon is dedicating

431
00:27:21.680 --> 00:27:27.360
the temple and the people, um, well, I'll just read it to you. So it says when all the Israelites

432
00:27:27.360 --> 00:27:32.720
saw the fire come down and the glory of the Lord above the temple, they knelt on the pavement with

433
00:27:32.720 --> 00:27:38.080
their faces to the ground and they worshipped and gave thanks to the Lord saying he is good

434
00:27:38.080 --> 00:27:43.680
and his love endures forever, which I've found really fascinating. I think that I first read that.

435
00:27:44.960 --> 00:27:48.800
Oh, I don't remember when I read that. I don't remember if I was an adult and it was after this,

436
00:27:48.800 --> 00:27:53.120
the crisis of faith moment with the Lord, or if this was in high school, but I remember reading

437
00:27:53.120 --> 00:27:59.360
that thinking, wow, of all the things they could have said and declared at the dedication of the

438
00:27:59.360 --> 00:28:07.200
temple, they just repeated the Lord is good and his love endures forever. Then, um, uh, it's,

439
00:28:07.200 --> 00:28:13.840
and this is mentioned again in Ezra three, one Psalm 23, six, we all know Psalm 23, uh, Psalm

440
00:28:13.840 --> 00:28:22.240
25, eight, Psalm a hundred and a hundred verse five, Psalm 106, verse one, Psalm 107, verse one,

441
00:28:22.320 --> 00:28:31.040
Psalm 118, verse one, Psalm 119, nine, uh, 19 verse 90. And what is really fascinating is Psalm

442
00:28:31.040 --> 00:28:38.320
one 36. It is the entire chapter. He'll say something and I'll say his love, uh, the Lord

443
00:28:38.320 --> 00:28:42.000
is good and his love endures forever. And so there's something else. The Lord is good and

444
00:28:42.000 --> 00:28:45.600
his love endures forever. Something else. The Lord is good and his love endures forever. I mean,

445
00:28:45.600 --> 00:28:50.160
just over and over and over. I haven't counted them, but it's, I don't know, it's at least 25

446
00:28:50.160 --> 00:28:59.040
times. And, um, it's almost like the, the, the chorus of a song, uh, which, well really, you

447
00:28:59.040 --> 00:29:04.400
know, because it is a song, maybe that was how they, how they sang it was kind of like a chorus,

448
00:29:04.400 --> 00:29:10.800
but it, every time they said a phrase or a sentence, it was followed by the Lord is good

449
00:29:10.800 --> 00:29:17.520
and his love endures forever. So my point is the repetition in scripture means that it is

450
00:29:17.520 --> 00:29:23.920
extremely important to the Lord. So of all things that the Lord wants you to remember about him is

451
00:29:23.920 --> 00:29:31.280
apparently the Lord that he's good and that his love endures forever so that he is good and his

452
00:29:31.280 --> 00:29:36.240
love never ends. You will always have it always, always, always, always, always, always, always.

453
00:29:36.240 --> 00:29:45.440
Why? Because that's who he is. Remember he says, God is love and God is good. So that's who he is.

454
00:29:45.440 --> 00:29:51.680
He can't help, but be himself. And so remember that as we talk about all of these other, uh,

455
00:29:51.680 --> 00:29:59.520
things that the Lord is, because he is saying, no, that I act like that towards you. And you can

456
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.820
You've got to respect that in our, in our, in our interaction, because that's who I am.

457
00:30:04.820 --> 00:30:06.540
That's just me being me.

458
00:30:06.540 --> 00:30:11.460
It's not me doing something and acting a particular way towards you because you did a certain

459
00:30:11.460 --> 00:30:12.460
thing.

460
00:30:12.460 --> 00:30:16.180
This is me being me and I will be that whether you're around or not.

461
00:30:16.180 --> 00:30:21.480
But because of all of the beings in the universe, I chose humans.

462
00:30:21.480 --> 00:30:26.480
You are the object of me being me.

463
00:30:26.480 --> 00:30:27.960
You're the object of my love.

464
00:30:27.960 --> 00:30:29.460
You were the object of my goodness.

465
00:30:29.460 --> 00:30:35.580
You were the object of my provision, of my protection, of my direction, of my safety,

466
00:30:35.580 --> 00:30:38.500
you know, et cetera.

467
00:30:38.500 --> 00:30:43.380
So, but of all of the things, the fact that of all of his characteristics, the fact that

468
00:30:43.380 --> 00:30:46.620
he repeats in scripture over and over and over and over and over the fact that he's

469
00:30:46.620 --> 00:30:48.260
good and that his love endures forever.

470
00:30:48.260 --> 00:30:53.960
I take that to mean that it is his, it is the thing that he most wants us to remember

471
00:30:53.960 --> 00:30:59.100
and to associate with him and to rely on him for now.

472
00:30:59.740 --> 00:31:04.740
So the first thing, so God is love and he is loving to you.

473
00:31:04.740 --> 00:31:10.340
So remember it in those two ways that God is love and that he loves you as opposed to,

474
00:31:10.340 --> 00:31:14.620
oh yeah, well God is love and I don't get to benefit from it or God is love and he just

475
00:31:14.620 --> 00:31:15.940
loves everyone else.

476
00:31:15.940 --> 00:31:21.060
It's very important that we choose by faith that we really are the object of that love

477
00:31:21.060 --> 00:31:25.980
of God directs his being of his being that characteristic.

478
00:31:25.980 --> 00:31:29.540
He directs that towards us.

479
00:31:29.540 --> 00:31:32.340
So God took the initiative to save and to love you.

480
00:31:32.340 --> 00:31:37.940
So if you look at Romans five, six or 11, it says, you see at just the right time when

481
00:31:37.940 --> 00:31:42.020
we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.

482
00:31:42.020 --> 00:31:46.180
Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person, someone

483
00:31:46.180 --> 00:31:51.460
might possibly dare to die, but God demonstrates his own love for us in this while we were

484
00:31:51.460 --> 00:31:54.480
still sinners, Christ died for us.

485
00:31:54.640 --> 00:31:57.280
We have now been justified by his blood.

486
00:31:57.280 --> 00:32:00.520
How much more should we be saved from God's wrath through him?

487
00:32:00.520 --> 00:32:05.840
For if while we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his

488
00:32:05.840 --> 00:32:06.840
son.

489
00:32:06.840 --> 00:32:11.160
How much more having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life?

490
00:32:11.160 --> 00:32:15.840
Not only this, so, but we also boast in God for our Lord Jesus Christ through him.

491
00:32:15.840 --> 00:32:18.000
We have now received reconciliation.

492
00:32:18.000 --> 00:32:24.080
So God is the one who took the initiative to save you and he did it while let's see,

493
00:32:24.080 --> 00:32:26.440
let me look at the exact phrase that he used.

494
00:32:26.440 --> 00:32:32.360
It says he demonstrates his own love for us in this while we were still sinners.

495
00:32:32.360 --> 00:32:38.040
In other words, we were an active rebellion against the Lord dead to him, you know, in

496
00:32:38.040 --> 00:32:42.640
our spirits, Christ died for us.

497
00:32:42.640 --> 00:32:48.380
So it's like in the worst possible scenario, you know, Christ died for us.

498
00:32:48.380 --> 00:32:51.840
So because remember it says at the beginning, it says, while we were so powerless, Christ

499
00:32:51.840 --> 00:32:53.200
died for the ungodly.

500
00:32:53.200 --> 00:32:58.360
Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, but Jesus died for the unrighteous

501
00:32:58.360 --> 00:33:00.840
and people very rarely die for a righteous person, right?

502
00:33:00.840 --> 00:33:05.400
To give of yourself is the greatest act of love.

503
00:33:05.400 --> 00:33:11.640
No greater love had no man than this, that he laid down his life for someone else.

504
00:33:11.640 --> 00:33:13.560
It's because that's what Jesus did or not.

505
00:33:13.560 --> 00:33:14.960
That's why Jesus did that for us.

506
00:33:14.960 --> 00:33:23.520
Also, if you look at John 17, 23, I in them, and it may, how did that go?

507
00:33:23.520 --> 00:33:29.600
I will be in them and you in me so that they may be brought to complete unity.

508
00:33:29.600 --> 00:33:30.600
Oh, that's what it was.

509
00:33:30.600 --> 00:33:37.840
He was saying, he was saying, you know, Lord strengthen them that, that as they are in

510
00:33:37.840 --> 00:33:46.880
me and that, and then I am in you and that you were in me, what was it like solidify

511
00:33:46.880 --> 00:33:51.040
that Lord so that they may be brought to complete unity.

512
00:33:51.040 --> 00:33:56.520
Then the Lord, the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have

513
00:33:56.520 --> 00:33:57.520
loved me.

514
00:33:57.520 --> 00:34:05.200
So the fact that we're unified with God is evidence of the fact that he loves us.

515
00:34:05.560 --> 00:34:06.560
Romans five, eight.

516
00:34:06.560 --> 00:34:10.320
It was while we were yet sinners that Christ died for us.

517
00:34:10.320 --> 00:34:14.520
And so remember that he didn't die because you were sinful.

518
00:34:14.520 --> 00:34:19.120
He died because he loved you in sin was in the way.

519
00:34:19.120 --> 00:34:27.080
So we give sin too much credit as being this thing that God was trying to get rid of because

520
00:34:27.080 --> 00:34:28.080
it was bad.

521
00:34:28.080 --> 00:34:32.239
God's like, no, no, no, I don't have access to you.

522
00:34:32.239 --> 00:34:33.239
And yeah, sure.

523
00:34:33.239 --> 00:34:34.239
You're in the way.

524
00:34:34.239 --> 00:34:38.960
So, but it's because I love you, not because there's sin, but because I love you that I'm

525
00:34:38.960 --> 00:34:41.880
going to do whatever it is that I have to do to get access to you again.

526
00:34:41.880 --> 00:34:45.960
So I'm going to die, which will move sin out of the way.

527
00:34:45.960 --> 00:34:47.280
That is why he died for you.

528
00:34:47.280 --> 00:34:49.600
He didn't die for you because you sinned.

529
00:34:49.600 --> 00:34:52.080
He died for you because he loved you.

530
00:34:52.080 --> 00:34:58.360
Sin was keeping him from being able to get to you and you being able to get to him.

531
00:34:58.360 --> 00:35:00.080
So again, I'm going to repeat.

532
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:12.080
This for Romans five, six and eight, you see it just the right time when you were still powerless. Christ died for the ungodly, but God demonstrates his own love for us in this while we were still centers. Christ died for us.

533
00:35:12.880 --> 00:35:26.320
So what God's doing is he's rebuilding our corrupted foundation that God was a God of judgment towards us instead of the fact that he loves us.

534
00:35:27.240 --> 00:35:47.280
We keep thinking that when we approach God, that his main objective towards us is to judge us to always be weighing us in the balance our deeds, whether or not we're following him, whether or not we're loving him, you know, how we're feeling about him.

535
00:35:48.160 --> 00:36:02.760
Whether we're doing the last thing that he told us to do, you know, how we're handling things and like I said, how we're feeling was our attitude, right? Do we handle that correctly? And really God's like, no, my, my objective towards you is love.

536
00:36:03.880 --> 00:36:11.160
Not judgment and Jesus evidence this by the fact that he came to earth and he said, I did not come to judge.

537
00:36:12.160 --> 00:36:32.760
Now, yes, he is the great he is. Jesus was given the authority once he died to judge. But remember that that is judging the, the sheep from the goats. So you've already been judged and you were found perfect. You were found to be perfect because you were one with Christ.

538
00:36:32.760 --> 00:37:01.440
Okay. So another one is another thing that God is that God is love. I wanted to talk about that one first instead of the good, because for whatever reason, we have a hard, difficult time. Sometimes not everyone, because I, I wasn't like this, but I've noticed in working with people, people have a hard time believing that God is good. If he's not loving and I, and so I wanted to address that one first, but remember that God is good and that he's good to you.

539
00:37:03.600 --> 00:37:12.240
That's important to not just believe that he's good, but to believe that he's good to you very intentionally. In other words, you remember that you were the benefit benefit.

540
00:37:13.560 --> 00:37:26.920
Benefiter you're the one who gets to benefit from the fact that he's good. You're the one to whom he directs his goodness. So in Psalm 116, seven, it says, be at rest once more on my soul for the Lord has been good to you.

541
00:37:27.800 --> 00:37:37.240
So this, this is not being grateful to God for giving you money for your dinner. That helps you barely get by because, well, oh my goodness, it could just be so much worse.

542
00:37:37.880 --> 00:37:49.640
That's not the goodness of God that we're talking about. We're talking about the fact that his being is something that if we were to describe as being the word is called good.

543
00:37:50.640 --> 00:37:56.960
It's God being God is God being himself and he is that thing to you.

544
00:37:58.200 --> 00:38:07.240
It's much deeper than what he does for you. It's who he is towards you that you get to benefit from and get to receive

545
00:38:08.240 --> 00:38:24.320
We can also look at some 2713 I remain confidence of that confident of this. I see the goodness of the Lord at the land of the living Psalm 35 eight taste and see that the Lord is good. Psalm 145 nine, the Lord is good to all

546
00:38:25.320 --> 00:38:35.520
The next one we're going to have to blow through some of these pretty quickly because and I've got so much so much information, especially so many and passages and

547
00:38:35.840 --> 00:38:45.720
And for each one. But the next one that I want to talk about is God is provider. So we've got God is love. God is good. God is provider. This is not God is the great benefactor.

548
00:38:46.480 --> 00:39:03.960
Because benefactor means that he's like, you need something you want something and he's a genie and he's doling it out to you. No, no, God is provider. It's a lot bigger than a benefactor and he's providing for you. So you get to actually receive from receive all

549
00:39:04.280 --> 00:39:14.480
You're seeing the aspect of God that is exuding provision, you are the object, you were the thing that gets to actually receive that which comes forth from God.

550
00:39:15.120 --> 00:39:24.800
My favorite scripture is Luke about this is Luke 1222 through 30 that that passage. In fact, I wanted to read it to you real quick.

551
00:39:26.800 --> 00:39:27.680
And

552
00:39:29.240 --> 00:39:30.840
I don't have it up. I thought I did.

553
00:39:34.320 --> 00:39:35.400
2330

554
00:39:36.440 --> 00:39:51.720
So we're very familiar with this passage, but I asked you to note that I have had to live this out by going from city to city overseas as a single woman by myself.

555
00:39:52.200 --> 00:39:59.880
Having money to get to a city, but not having money to leave that city. So I would get to a city and then near the end.

556
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:07.940
At the time that I'd have to leave, God would give me money that would enable me to go to get to the next city and have food and be able to pay for hotel room and all of that.

557
00:40:07.940 --> 00:40:10.740
And then at that place, he would give me money in order to go to the next city.

558
00:40:11.280 --> 00:40:16.140
And so this became very, very, this passage became very, very real to me.

559
00:40:16.140 --> 00:40:17.780
This isn't a hypothetical.

560
00:40:17.780 --> 00:40:27.300
This is not, oh, wouldn't this be nice if, or, oh, yeah, well, we have to do our part, but we just need to remember that, you know, just in general, God provides for us.

561
00:40:27.300 --> 00:40:40.380
No, God says, no, I provide for you in the particulars of your food and, uh, and you being able to have a place to sleep and in your relationships and meeting your emotional needs, et cetera.

562
00:40:41.100 --> 00:40:55.780
So it mentions in Luke 12, um, starting verse 22, then Jesus said to his disciples, therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you eat or about your body, what you will wear for life is more than food and a body than clothes.

563
00:40:56.620 --> 00:41:06.740
Because we're so used to having our own jobs where we get money and then we take that money and it's in our bank and we try to steward it well and responsibly.

564
00:41:06.740 --> 00:41:09.820
And then we pay for food or we pay for clothes.

565
00:41:10.860 --> 00:41:25.300
We, we, uh, don't take this passage literally, but I am telling you, I've had to live this thing out literally where I was not doing anything and God provided me food and he provided me shelter.

566
00:41:26.660 --> 00:41:29.660
Um, and I realized, oh my word, this is real.

567
00:41:30.500 --> 00:41:33.020
Uh, so, uh, let's see, consider the Ravens.

568
00:41:33.020 --> 00:41:35.940
They do not sow a reap and they have no storeroom or barn yet.

569
00:41:35.940 --> 00:41:37.020
God feeds them.

570
00:41:37.580 --> 00:41:40.500
And how much more valuable are you than birds?

571
00:41:40.940 --> 00:41:46.620
Who have you by worrying can add a single hour to your life since you cannot do this very little thing.

572
00:41:46.620 --> 00:41:47.820
He calls that a little thing.

573
00:41:48.340 --> 00:41:50.220
You know, why do you worry about the rest?

574
00:41:50.980 --> 00:41:53.100
Um, and let's see.

575
00:41:53.100 --> 00:41:54.940
So consider how the wild flowers grow.

576
00:41:54.940 --> 00:41:56.380
They do not labor or spin yet.

577
00:41:56.380 --> 00:41:59.660
I tell you not even Solomon and all his splendor was dressed like one of these.

578
00:42:00.020 --> 00:42:04.780
If that is how God closed the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire.

579
00:42:04.980 --> 00:42:07.460
How much more will he clothe you?

580
00:42:07.900 --> 00:42:11.980
You have little faith and do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink.

581
00:42:11.980 --> 00:42:13.060
Don't worry about it.

582
00:42:14.140 --> 00:42:17.100
He says for the pagan world runs after those things.

583
00:42:17.100 --> 00:42:21.300
So all of the secular world and believers, they do all of that.

584
00:42:21.780 --> 00:42:24.220
And your father knows that you need them.

585
00:42:24.860 --> 00:42:27.660
He knows that you need things without asking for them.

586
00:42:28.660 --> 00:42:31.860
Um, let's see.

587
00:42:31.860 --> 00:42:33.780
So close that.

588
00:42:35.660 --> 00:42:40.180
Um, and then let's see here.

589
00:42:40.700 --> 00:42:45.580
Um, now remember that contrasting to the unrighteous judge, God answers quickly.

590
00:42:45.580 --> 00:42:51.660
Remember that, uh, when Jesus, Jesus told the disciples a parable to show them that they could always pray, not give up.

591
00:42:52.020 --> 00:42:59.860
He mentions in Luke 18, one to eight, he says, um, or a two through eight.

592
00:42:59.860 --> 00:43:04.260
He said in a certain town, there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought.

593
00:43:04.500 --> 00:43:10.700
And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea grant me justice against my adversary for some time.

594
00:43:10.740 --> 00:43:15.900
He refused, but finally he said to himself, even though I don't fear God or care what people think.

595
00:43:16.060 --> 00:43:17.900
So in other words, this is an unrighteous judge.

596
00:43:17.940 --> 00:43:19.220
This is not what God's like.

597
00:43:19.860 --> 00:43:27.340
It says yet, because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice so that she will, she won't eventually come and attack me.

598
00:43:27.820 --> 00:43:29.820
And that's how an unrighteous judge would act.

599
00:43:29.820 --> 00:43:41.340
So the Lord says, listen to what the unjust judge says and will, and will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones who cry out to him day and night?

600
00:43:41.620 --> 00:43:43.420
Will he keep putting them off?

601
00:43:43.780 --> 00:43:47.100
I tell you, he will see that they get justice and quickly.

602
00:43:47.820 --> 00:43:52.420
Um, however, when a son of man comes, will he find faith on the earth?

603
00:43:53.180 --> 00:44:06.900
So we have to remember that God, unlike, unlike that woman who had to pester an unrighteous judge, all we have to do with cry with, with the Lord is to ask the Lord, this is what I want.

604
00:44:07.220 --> 00:44:09.060
All we have to do is to have a need.

605
00:44:09.060 --> 00:44:11.420
And God's like, Hey, I'll provide that for you.

606
00:44:12.460 --> 00:44:16.500
Um, and then the story of the tax provided in the fish's mouth.

607
00:44:16.500 --> 00:44:17.580
Y'all may remember this one.

608
00:44:17.580 --> 00:44:18.740
I love this one.

609
00:44:19.140 --> 00:44:28.260
I have used this, um, uh, between me and the Lord so many times and found it to found that the Lord operates exactly, literally like this.

610
00:44:28.780 --> 00:44:36.660
So after Jesus and his disciples arrived in Capernaum, the collectors of the two drop my temple tax came to Peter and asked, doesn't your teacher pay the temple tax?

611
00:44:36.940 --> 00:44:37.540
Yes, he does.

612
00:44:37.540 --> 00:44:41.260
He replied when Peter came into the house, Jesus was the first to speak.

613
00:44:41.540 --> 00:44:42.620
So what do you think, Simon?

614
00:44:42.620 --> 00:44:51.260
He asked from whom did the Kings of the earth collect duty and taxes from their own children or from others, from others, Peter answered.

615
00:44:51.620 --> 00:44:53.380
Then the children are exempt.

616
00:44:54.660 --> 00:44:59.100
You don't have to work for, to, to earn your own provision.

617
00:44:59.420 --> 00:44:59.740
This is it.

618
00:44:59.740 --> 00:45:00.020
We're not.

619
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.840
talking about whether or not we should have jobs.

620
00:45:02.840 --> 00:45:05.100
We're talking about the fact that your job

621
00:45:05.100 --> 00:45:07.440
is not providing for you.

622
00:45:07.440 --> 00:45:09.740
God is providing for you.

623
00:45:09.740 --> 00:45:12.980
Because God provides for you and you don't need anything,

624
00:45:12.980 --> 00:45:14.240
you have a job.

625
00:45:14.240 --> 00:45:16.120
So Jesus said to him,

626
00:45:16.120 --> 00:45:18.060
but so that we may not cause offense,

627
00:45:18.060 --> 00:45:19.700
go to the lake and throw out your line,

628
00:45:19.700 --> 00:45:21.860
take the first fish you catch, open its mouth,

629
00:45:21.860 --> 00:45:23.780
and you will find a four drop in the coin.

630
00:45:23.780 --> 00:45:26.900
Take it and give it to them for my tax and yours.

631
00:45:27.900 --> 00:45:32.900
So God provided for their need simply because they had it.

632
00:45:33.340 --> 00:45:34.580
They didn't have to work for it.

633
00:45:34.580 --> 00:45:36.720
He just went out, grabbed a fish.

634
00:45:36.720 --> 00:45:41.520
You know, there was no way that he would have been able

635
00:45:41.520 --> 00:45:43.980
in one fishing trip to be able to get enough

636
00:45:43.980 --> 00:45:47.100
to pay for the tax, right, for a whole year.

637
00:45:47.100 --> 00:45:49.800
He just went, grabbed a fish,

638
00:45:49.800 --> 00:45:52.440
and then God provided the amount

639
00:45:52.440 --> 00:45:54.720
that was needed in the fish's mouth.

640
00:45:54.740 --> 00:45:57.320
All right, so God is protector.

641
00:45:58.860 --> 00:46:01.020
In 1 Peter 2, 23, it says,

642
00:46:01.020 --> 00:46:02.920
when they hurled their insults at him,

643
00:46:02.920 --> 00:46:04.180
he did not retaliate.

644
00:46:04.180 --> 00:46:06.100
And when he suffered, he made no threats.

645
00:46:06.100 --> 00:46:09.800
Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.

646
00:46:11.220 --> 00:46:13.700
One of the things that God does as protector

647
00:46:13.700 --> 00:46:18.700
is he talks about protecting the orphans and the widows.

648
00:46:18.700 --> 00:46:20.940
One of the things I wanted to,

649
00:46:20.940 --> 00:46:23.700
the reason I wanted to point that out is

650
00:46:24.200 --> 00:46:27.520
I was struck by that several years ago when I was single,

651
00:46:27.520 --> 00:46:31.240
and I just kind of felt like I was uncovered.

652
00:46:31.240 --> 00:46:32.940
I felt he will provide for me,

653
00:46:32.940 --> 00:46:35.540
meaning not just physically provide for me,

654
00:46:35.540 --> 00:46:39.720
but just emotionally, or if something comes up,

655
00:46:39.720 --> 00:46:42.440
I'm the only one who can actually deal with it.

656
00:46:42.440 --> 00:46:45.000
I'm the only one who can take care of it.

657
00:46:45.000 --> 00:46:46.800
I'm the one who has to solve the problem.

658
00:46:46.800 --> 00:46:49.000
I'm the one who has to figure it out.

659
00:46:49.000 --> 00:46:53.020
And there was something about it that made me feel

660
00:46:53.040 --> 00:46:55.880
not just like I had two jobs to do,

661
00:46:55.880 --> 00:46:59.480
but it made me feel, well, afraid,

662
00:46:59.480 --> 00:47:01.440
because I felt unprotected.

663
00:47:01.440 --> 00:47:04.400
And then I came across this passage,

664
00:47:04.400 --> 00:47:07.400
and all of a sudden the words just kind of jumped out on me

665
00:47:07.400 --> 00:47:10.620
where it was talking about, let's see, Jeremiah,

666
00:47:10.620 --> 00:47:14.080
oh, Psalm 68, five.

667
00:47:14.080 --> 00:47:18.520
He's father of the fatherless and protector of widows

668
00:47:18.520 --> 00:47:20.920
is God in his holy habitation.

669
00:47:20.920 --> 00:47:24.540
Or Jeremiah 49, 11, leave your fatherless children.

670
00:47:24.540 --> 00:47:29.180
I will keep them alive and let your widows trust in me.

671
00:47:29.180 --> 00:47:32.220
Or Job 29, 12, because I delivered the poor

672
00:47:32.220 --> 00:47:34.140
who cried for help and the fatherless

673
00:47:34.140 --> 00:47:35.460
who had none to help him.

674
00:47:37.620 --> 00:47:41.100
All of those passages refer to the fact

675
00:47:41.100 --> 00:47:46.100
that God is the one who takes charge of,

676
00:47:46.300 --> 00:47:48.940
and holds himself responsible for the protection

677
00:47:48.960 --> 00:47:51.040
and the covering of orphans and widows.

678
00:47:51.040 --> 00:47:52.800
And I was a single woman.

679
00:47:52.800 --> 00:47:55.480
I wasn't a widow and I was not an orphan,

680
00:47:55.480 --> 00:47:58.320
but all of a sudden the passage jumped out at me

681
00:47:58.320 --> 00:47:59.600
and I thought, oh my word,

682
00:48:00.560 --> 00:48:03.360
what if I'm that orphan or that widow?

683
00:48:03.360 --> 00:48:07.080
I mean, really, and I'm the one who God says

684
00:48:07.080 --> 00:48:09.120
that he's covering, that he's actually,

685
00:48:09.120 --> 00:48:12.320
that he's protecting, that he's taking up the charge for,

686
00:48:12.320 --> 00:48:15.080
that if someone comes against them,

687
00:48:15.080 --> 00:48:18.160
then it's like them coming up against him,

688
00:48:18.160 --> 00:48:20.020
I'm not the one who has to protect myself.

689
00:48:20.020 --> 00:48:23.460
He will put himself like a roaring lion in the way,

690
00:48:23.460 --> 00:48:25.540
in the way between me and the adversary

691
00:48:25.540 --> 00:48:27.120
and he will deal with it.

692
00:48:28.940 --> 00:48:30.720
And I realized, and I thought,

693
00:48:30.720 --> 00:48:32.740
what if I'm the orphan and the widow?

694
00:48:32.740 --> 00:48:35.540
So I just submit that to you to think about as well,

695
00:48:35.540 --> 00:48:37.980
what if you're that orphan or that widow?

696
00:48:37.980 --> 00:48:39.760
In other words, instead of when we read that passage

697
00:48:39.760 --> 00:48:41.780
thinking that, oh yeah, that's always somebody else

698
00:48:41.780 --> 00:48:43.500
in some other situation that I'm not in,

699
00:48:43.500 --> 00:48:45.740
I'm not an orphan, I'm not a widow.

700
00:48:45.740 --> 00:48:46.860
But what if you are?

701
00:48:46.880 --> 00:48:48.560
In other words, an orphan or a widow

702
00:48:48.560 --> 00:48:50.520
is somebody who's not being covered,

703
00:48:50.520 --> 00:48:52.920
who's not being provided for, protected.

704
00:48:52.920 --> 00:48:55.360
Even if they have a husband,

705
00:48:55.360 --> 00:48:59.080
if that husband is not covering them,

706
00:48:59.080 --> 00:49:01.760
is not giving them protection and provision,

707
00:49:01.760 --> 00:49:05.000
in that area, they are a widow to the Lord

708
00:49:05.000 --> 00:49:10.000
and he himself, not a pastor that he'll send on the way,

709
00:49:10.280 --> 00:49:15.280
he himself, he holds responsible to cover

710
00:49:15.340 --> 00:49:17.320
and to protect you in that area.

711
00:49:18.180 --> 00:49:20.660
And that greatly impacted me.

712
00:49:20.660 --> 00:49:23.500
And it's one of those moments

713
00:49:23.500 --> 00:49:25.500
that everything in my life kind of shifted.

714
00:49:25.500 --> 00:49:27.940
I realized I really am covered.

715
00:49:27.940 --> 00:49:31.460
Even if I have a husband, even if I have a pastor,

716
00:49:31.460 --> 00:49:32.540
even if I have a father,

717
00:49:32.540 --> 00:49:35.140
even if I have whatever spiritual covering,

718
00:49:35.140 --> 00:49:38.500
depending on how old you are that you have

719
00:49:38.500 --> 00:49:39.820
and what your situation is,

720
00:49:39.820 --> 00:49:42.900
I realized even in an area,

721
00:49:42.920 --> 00:49:45.320
even if it's just in an area

722
00:49:45.320 --> 00:49:48.360
that I'm not being appropriately covered,

723
00:49:48.360 --> 00:49:51.720
God will take full responsibility.

724
00:49:51.720 --> 00:49:54.440
I don't have to cover and protect me

725
00:49:54.440 --> 00:49:56.240
in that area and to be that for me.

726
00:49:57.840 --> 00:49:59.240
So I hope that you find,

727
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.520
encouragement in that as well.

728
00:50:02.520 --> 00:50:05.840
Remember, let's see, there's so many passages.

729
00:50:05.840 --> 00:50:07.640
I'm not going to read them all,

730
00:50:07.640 --> 00:50:10.520
but I recommend that you do if you,

731
00:50:10.520 --> 00:50:12.760
especially if you are struggling to believe

732
00:50:12.760 --> 00:50:13.880
that God is protecting you.

733
00:50:13.880 --> 00:50:15.640
Protecting you from,

734
00:50:15.640 --> 00:50:17.760
and what kind of situations could we be talking about?

735
00:50:17.760 --> 00:50:20.440
We could be talking about protecting you

736
00:50:20.440 --> 00:50:23.280
when there are people that want to attack you,

737
00:50:23.280 --> 00:50:25.200
say bad things about you,

738
00:50:25.200 --> 00:50:27.760
give you a bad reputation,

739
00:50:27.760 --> 00:50:30.840
that want to hinder or throttle something

740
00:50:30.840 --> 00:50:32.960
that you were trying to accomplish.

741
00:50:32.960 --> 00:50:37.960
God can step in and always does step in and protect you.

742
00:50:40.360 --> 00:50:42.600
Understand that you have,

743
00:50:42.600 --> 00:50:44.400
and realize that all of these things

744
00:50:44.400 --> 00:50:46.080
that we're talking about, protection, provision,

745
00:50:46.080 --> 00:50:48.040
and I wanted to make sure to get through all of them

746
00:50:48.040 --> 00:50:49.800
before I mentioned this,

747
00:50:49.800 --> 00:50:53.600
is protection, provision, is goodness, is love.

748
00:50:53.680 --> 00:50:58.680
You know, all of those things are things that he is,

749
00:51:00.080 --> 00:51:03.880
regardless of, and how he is interacting with you,

750
00:51:03.880 --> 00:51:07.120
regardless of what your life looks like.

751
00:51:07.120 --> 00:51:10.400
Case in point, there was a time where I was,

752
00:51:10.400 --> 00:51:11.760
because it's who he is,

753
00:51:11.760 --> 00:51:13.200
and basically this is another point

754
00:51:13.200 --> 00:51:14.520
that I'm trying to make.

755
00:51:15.840 --> 00:51:19.360
All of those things, his goodness, his love,

756
00:51:19.360 --> 00:51:21.240
his provision, and his protection,

757
00:51:21.240 --> 00:51:25.760
they're not things that you need and have a lack in,

758
00:51:25.760 --> 00:51:28.920
and are asking him and waiting for him

759
00:51:28.920 --> 00:51:31.920
to transact to you to fill that place.

760
00:51:31.920 --> 00:51:33.240
Lord, I need to feel loved.

761
00:51:33.240 --> 00:51:35.800
Oh, okay, okay, Chelsea, here you go.

762
00:51:35.800 --> 00:51:37.600
Or Lord, I need to be protected.

763
00:51:37.600 --> 00:51:38.760
Do you see the situation?

764
00:51:38.760 --> 00:51:40.080
God's like, oh my goodness, just a second,

765
00:51:40.080 --> 00:51:43.120
let me move things, and okay, I'm sending the army,

766
00:51:43.120 --> 00:51:45.160
and whatever, I'm gonna protect you.

767
00:51:45.160 --> 00:51:47.840
That's not, all of these things

768
00:51:47.840 --> 00:51:52.840
are not transactional aspects of our relationship with God.

769
00:51:52.960 --> 00:51:56.880
It's who God is,

770
00:51:56.880 --> 00:52:00.840
not how he relates, not how, how do I explain it?

771
00:52:00.840 --> 00:52:05.600
Not something of himself that he transacts to you,

772
00:52:05.600 --> 00:52:07.720
and the reason that that's important to understand

773
00:52:07.720 --> 00:52:11.320
is God says that we are always in a state of abundance,

774
00:52:11.320 --> 00:52:14.640
and we are never in a state of lack in the new covenant.

775
00:52:15.640 --> 00:52:18.920
So if we need something,

776
00:52:18.920 --> 00:52:21.800
and if we're saying, I need something, Lord,

777
00:52:21.800 --> 00:52:24.360
and I need you to transact it to me,

778
00:52:24.360 --> 00:52:26.640
then it means that we're in a state of lack,

779
00:52:26.640 --> 00:52:30.760
waiting on God to fill that lack,

780
00:52:30.760 --> 00:52:32.120
and we're never in a state of lack.

781
00:52:32.120 --> 00:52:34.440
So think of it kind of like a baby in the womb,

782
00:52:34.440 --> 00:52:37.520
and basically baby in an ambionic fluid.

783
00:52:37.520 --> 00:52:40.280
If there is so much that the baby is,

784
00:52:40.280 --> 00:52:42.720
that is being provided for that baby

785
00:52:42.760 --> 00:52:46.800
simply by the environment in which it exists.

786
00:52:46.800 --> 00:52:49.480
So God's love, his goodness, his provision,

787
00:52:49.480 --> 00:52:54.480
his protection are in an environment

788
00:52:54.480 --> 00:52:56.960
in which you are always existing,

789
00:52:56.960 --> 00:52:58.720
and you are never out of.

790
00:52:58.720 --> 00:53:00.960
So it's not like, oh, well, I'm in a position

791
00:53:00.960 --> 00:53:02.640
in which I'm not being protected,

792
00:53:02.640 --> 00:53:05.440
and so I'll ask God to bring me protection,

793
00:53:05.440 --> 00:53:08.560
to give me protection, to transact protection from me.

794
00:53:08.560 --> 00:53:12.000
No, God says, no, no matter what situation you're in,

795
00:53:12.040 --> 00:53:13.840
I am always who I am.

796
00:53:13.840 --> 00:53:15.320
I am always protector.

797
00:53:15.320 --> 00:53:16.720
Remember, I am that I am.

798
00:53:16.720 --> 00:53:17.800
What he told the Israelites,

799
00:53:17.800 --> 00:53:22.800
that he told Moses to declare to the Israelites that he was.

800
00:53:23.400 --> 00:53:27.480
He said, tell them I am that I am since you sent me to you.

801
00:53:28.920 --> 00:53:32.560
So God just wants us to choose and to believe by faith

802
00:53:32.560 --> 00:53:34.320
that he is that thing.

803
00:53:34.320 --> 00:53:37.720
He is provider, he is protector,

804
00:53:37.720 --> 00:53:42.720
not that he's going to put in a series of events

805
00:53:44.680 --> 00:53:49.680
that will cause or create or send to you protection,

806
00:53:50.720 --> 00:53:53.520
provision, love, goodness.

807
00:53:53.520 --> 00:53:57.760
And he says, you're always in me, in Christ.

808
00:53:57.760 --> 00:54:02.160
Since you're always in Christ, and Christ is God,

809
00:54:02.160 --> 00:54:04.800
therefore he is love, he is good,

810
00:54:04.800 --> 00:54:07.880
he is provider, he is protector.

811
00:54:07.880 --> 00:54:10.520
They're not things that are pushed back and forth

812
00:54:10.520 --> 00:54:11.920
between you and the Lord.

813
00:54:11.920 --> 00:54:14.480
You never leave them, you always have them

814
00:54:14.480 --> 00:54:18.800
because you always have him, and he is all of those things.

815
00:54:18.800 --> 00:54:21.360
Those things do not exist as something outside of him

816
00:54:21.360 --> 00:54:25.360
that he has a storehouse of and he sends to you.

817
00:54:25.360 --> 00:54:27.960
They are himself.

818
00:54:27.960 --> 00:54:30.680
What he gives you is not provision,

819
00:54:30.680 --> 00:54:34.200
he gives you himself as provider.

820
00:54:34.200 --> 00:54:37.800
And therefore in giving you himself as provider,

821
00:54:37.800 --> 00:54:42.240
you have provision, you have protection,

822
00:54:42.240 --> 00:54:44.840
you have love, you have goodness,

823
00:54:44.840 --> 00:54:46.600
and you were in all of those things.

824
00:54:46.600 --> 00:54:48.880
You're being like a baby in ambient fluid,

825
00:54:48.880 --> 00:54:53.880
you're being fully supported and sustained in that place,

826
00:54:54.560 --> 00:54:55.920
and you're never out of it.

827
00:54:57.320 --> 00:55:00.160
Let's see some other passages.

828
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.400
I'm just going, I'll let you read on your own time. I'll just go through them really quickly.

829
00:55:04.400 --> 00:55:12.800
Romans 4 Protector, Romans 12, 7 through 21. Psalm 3, 5 through 6. Psalm 9, 10, which is

830
00:55:12.800 --> 00:55:20.880
Lord, you never forsake those who seek you. Psalm 27, 10. Psalm 35, 10. I love that one.

831
00:55:20.880 --> 00:55:31.280
But those who seek the Lord lack no good thing. Psalm 68, 20 or God, which is God is a God who

832
00:55:31.280 --> 00:55:44.240
saves. Psalm 9, 14, because he loves me, I will rescue him. Let's see here. There's one more I

833
00:55:44.240 --> 00:55:50.400
wanted to read. Oh yeah. Psalm 91, 14 to 15. He will call on me and I will answer him. I will be

834
00:55:50.400 --> 00:55:55.840
with him in trouble. I will deliver him and honor him. So remember if God is protector, that means

835
00:55:55.840 --> 00:56:02.000
he's safe. So whenever you're struggling with emotions or whatever, just remember that he has

836
00:56:02.000 --> 00:56:11.280
a safe place in which to do that. God is always, always safe. Sorry, I've got some kind of a fly

837
00:56:11.280 --> 00:56:18.560
around here. So just remember that all of these things that God is, is actually because you're in

838
00:56:18.560 --> 00:56:24.320
him. They are an environment in which you exist and you're never outside of, and you're never having

839
00:56:24.320 --> 00:56:31.040
to wait for something to be transacted to you. You're always in the provider. Therefore, you

840
00:56:31.040 --> 00:56:40.880
always are in provision. It's not something that happens on the outside. And there was a time

841
00:56:41.760 --> 00:56:47.360
where I was telling the Lord, I had been traveling from place to place. Like I said, you know,

842
00:56:47.360 --> 00:56:52.640
from city to city. And there was one city I hit and I didn't have money to leave.

843
00:56:53.840 --> 00:56:57.920
And it came to, and I thought, Oh, well, God's always, you know, I've been traveling for months

844
00:56:57.920 --> 00:57:04.400
and God always brings it in time. And I waited and waited and waited. And the time came and went,

845
00:57:05.120 --> 00:57:14.400
and I didn't have, this fly is very determined. And I didn't have the money to, to to check out

846
00:57:14.400 --> 00:57:20.160
of the hotel. So I just had to extend it. So what I did is I took my, all of my suitcases

847
00:57:20.160 --> 00:57:25.360
back upstairs. I extended my stay, took all the suitcases back upstairs to wait more for the

848
00:57:25.360 --> 00:57:31.120
provision. You know, what I thought of in my mind is like for the provision to be seen and whatever.

849
00:57:31.120 --> 00:57:36.560
And I'm like, I lay down on the, on the bed and I'm just crying. I'm just crying and crying. I was

850
00:57:36.560 --> 00:57:44.160
like, Lord, what did I do? I'm so sorry. You've been, you've been sending me money whenever I,

851
00:57:44.160 --> 00:57:50.000
whenever I've needed it. And now I'm here. I'm like, Lord, I don't see your provision. I know

852
00:57:50.000 --> 00:57:54.720
I'm not supposed to, to question you or to doubt you, but I don't see your provision. You said,

853
00:57:54.720 --> 00:58:03.120
Ashley, he said, who do you say that I am? And I remembered all that, that, that passage in

854
00:58:03.120 --> 00:58:06.640
scripture where Jesus asked the disciples, who do people say that I am? And he said, well,

855
00:58:06.640 --> 00:58:13.040
some say that you're Elijah and say that you are John Baptist. Some people say that you are the

856
00:58:13.040 --> 00:58:20.960
Christ. And he said, but who do you say that I am? And Peter said, it's very obvious, you know,

857
00:58:20.960 --> 00:58:29.040
that you were, you were the crisis and the living God. And so when I was in that, in that hotel room

858
00:58:29.040 --> 00:58:35.600
that day, just on the bed, just weeping, God asked me, who do you say that I am?

859
00:58:37.040 --> 00:58:42.400
He said, Ashley, don't pare it back to me. What I told you in scripture that I am.

860
00:58:43.680 --> 00:58:51.680
Don't tell me what I told you about myself. Don't tell me who I told you I am.

861
00:58:52.560 --> 00:58:59.200
Who do you say of your own free will and determination? Who do you declare

862
00:59:00.560 --> 00:59:07.200
as reality as the reality in which you in your world operate you in your world, meaning like

863
00:59:07.200 --> 00:59:14.240
my world, not like the world in which I exist in my world. What is real is that Ashley, who am I,

864
00:59:14.960 --> 00:59:19.760
who have you declared that I am, and I'm allowed to be in your kingdom.

865
00:59:21.680 --> 00:59:25.520
And I knew what he was asking for. And it's like, okay, God, I said,

866
00:59:25.520 --> 00:59:33.200
your provider, I said, that's who you are. I'm not waiting Lord for provision from you.

867
00:59:34.400 --> 00:59:38.720
I'm in the provider. Therefore, even though I don't see money,

868
00:59:39.680 --> 00:59:43.600
money isn't my provision and money is not your means of providing for me.

869
00:59:45.040 --> 00:59:52.560
You are provider. That is my choice. Not that you will give me things, not that you will do

870
00:59:52.560 --> 00:59:58.560
things for me in life, but that just being in you, regardless of the physical manifestation,

871
00:59:58.560 --> 00:59:59.520
just being in you,

872
01:00:00.480 --> 01:00:06.120
I choose Lord that you were provider over me ever being out

873
01:00:06.120 --> 01:00:07.560
at getting out of this situation.

874
01:00:09.400 --> 01:00:10.320
And that's what he wanted.

875
01:00:11.000 --> 01:00:13.280
And it broke something spiritually.

876
01:00:13.680 --> 01:00:14.440
It broke something.

877
01:00:14.440 --> 01:00:15.660
It changed something.

878
01:00:15.660 --> 01:00:18.540
There was a, there was a shift because I had made a declaration

879
01:00:18.540 --> 01:00:21.480
to the world and to myself, this is who God is to me.

880
01:00:21.480 --> 01:00:22.280
He is provider.

881
01:00:22.600 --> 01:00:27.520
So it's who God is the goodness, you know, he's good.

882
01:00:27.520 --> 01:00:28.000
He's love.

883
01:00:28.000 --> 01:00:28.520
He's provider.

884
01:00:28.520 --> 01:00:29.440
He's protector.

885
01:00:30.000 --> 01:00:34.120
Um, and those are just some of the, some of the things that he says that he is

886
01:00:34.120 --> 01:00:37.720
obviously he's righteous, he's holy, he's omniscient and all of those, but I picked

887
01:00:37.720 --> 01:00:44.120
some that are, um, that, that we struggle with on a daily basis and that we can

888
01:00:44.120 --> 01:00:48.680
all kind of relate to and understand and agree with the fact that we struggle.

889
01:00:49.680 --> 01:00:55.800
And so take all of those things and remember that it's not that you're not

890
01:00:55.800 --> 01:01:01.520
looking for God to be doing good things for you or to be, or to be doing loving

891
01:01:01.520 --> 01:01:07.920
things for you or to be, or to give you things that you can see and interpret

892
01:01:07.920 --> 01:01:17.160
as provision or see and interpret as, um, protection choose instead that no God,

893
01:01:17.160 --> 01:01:19.400
this is who you are to me.

894
01:01:20.080 --> 01:01:22.040
And that is what I want from you.

895
01:01:22.160 --> 01:01:25.400
And that is what I choose to dwell in.

896
01:01:25.960 --> 01:01:33.440
Not always wanting an expression, wanting goodness transacted to me, love

897
01:01:33.440 --> 01:01:38.880
transacted to me, provision transacted to me or protection transacted to me.

898
01:01:39.240 --> 01:01:41.000
I choose that this is who you are.

899
01:01:41.400 --> 01:01:45.880
And the important thing about that is when we choose that God is who he is, who he

900
01:01:45.880 --> 01:01:51.000
says that he is, and we declare that that is true and we declare that the, and we,

901
01:01:51.000 --> 01:01:53.800
we actually make a choice that that's who he is in our life.

902
01:01:54.520 --> 01:02:00.240
Then God, it, it, it frees God to be who he naturally is.

903
01:02:00.280 --> 01:02:06.480
It frees God to operate like that and to express himself as provider, express

904
01:02:06.480 --> 01:02:09.480
himself as a protector, as good.

905
01:02:09.480 --> 01:02:14.400
And as love into our lives, because we finally let him be him instead of say,

906
01:02:14.400 --> 01:02:16.600
God, I want you to do these things for me.

907
01:02:16.800 --> 01:02:20.560
We've chosen to say, God, I want you to be who you are in my life.

908
01:02:21.240 --> 01:02:25.520
I promise you that will completely change the trajectory of your life.

909
01:02:26.840 --> 01:02:30.840
So, um, is to just let him be who he wants to be with you.

910
01:02:31.880 --> 01:02:32.360
All right.

911
01:02:32.360 --> 01:02:36.000
So, uh, that is all that I have for right now.

912
01:02:36.040 --> 01:02:40.000
Um, I will do a completely separate video on some practices that

913
01:02:40.000 --> 01:02:41.920
I thought that, um, would be helpful.

914
01:02:42.040 --> 01:02:47.720
There are ways that I have actually applied these, um, you know, this, this

915
01:02:47.720 --> 01:02:51.240
teaching this idea of like who it is that God says that who does God say that

916
01:02:51.240 --> 01:02:57.320
he is into my life so that I changed who it was that I, that I believed God was.

917
01:02:57.800 --> 01:02:59.200
And sorry, I have a fly.

918
01:02:59.200 --> 01:03:01.120
He's getting like right in the camera, isn't he?

919
01:03:01.600 --> 01:03:05.160
Um, so I will do a separate video about those practices.

920
01:03:05.160 --> 01:03:06.240
Hopefully that will be helpful.

921
01:03:06.720 --> 01:03:07.400
All right.

922
01:03:07.920 --> 01:03:11.640
Uh, enjoy continuing to work in your journal and I'll see you later.