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All right.

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So I wanted to explain a few practices that you can do to apply choosing that God is who

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he says that he is actively into your life, like actually making an intentional willful

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decision, giving yourself the opportunity to also experience him in that new way.

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So one of the things that I did is in fact, this was the first thing that I did is I realized

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I was lying in bed one day, probably about three or four years ago.

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And I was just despondent and just frustrated and felt very hopeless.

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Like, Lord, you have told me that, and I'm just going to infer me it was love.

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So it can be any other characteristic of the Lord that you might be struggling with.

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But I told the Lord, I said, Lord, you know, you say that you love me, but I don't feel

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like it.

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And I don't feel, and I know that it's probably you're doing all of this stuff and you're

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loving on me and that it's my fault that I'm not seeing it.

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I understand all of that, Lord, but I'm just going to be honest that I can't see it.

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I can't see that you really do love me.

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I don't see it anywhere.

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I don't feel it.

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I just can't connect with it.

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And Lord, I'm just frustrated because at the time I was like 30, I think 35 years old.

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And I said, Lord, I have given it a darn good try, you know, I am 35 years old and I have

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been a saved since I was four, I've given the 31 years of a good try.

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And Lord, I don't know yet what, I don't know what else to do.

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I've tried everything.

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I've done more devotional time.

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I've tried to worship you longer.

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I have, you know, tried to do volunteer work.

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I've tried to mission work.

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I've tried to go to church every time it's opened.

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I've done all of these things, Lord, try to spend time with you, try to think good thoughts

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about you, choose you and doing and being obedient to you over what it is that I want

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to do.

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And, but, but I don't know what else to do.

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And finally I, it dawned on me, I thought, well, the only thing I haven't tried is I

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haven't tried to choose that it's true and just make the decision that I was going to

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act like it, that it was true.

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If God says it, even though I don't see it, even though I don't feel like it, if he says

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it, that I'm going to live in that, in the, in that reality.

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In other words, I'm going to live believing that that's how the world works.

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And so I, I got up, I made my bed and it's like the Lord, and I'm telling myself and

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I'm choosing, I'm like trying to, to make a heart change inside.

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God tells me, you know, that he loves me.

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God is loving me right now.

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Wow.

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You know, God's loving me right now.

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He's loving me while I'm making the bed.

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He's loving the fact that I am, I don't know that I got to sleep in a bit, that I allowed

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myself to do that.

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And then I go take a shower and I'm in the shower.

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And I remember standing there and thinking, God is looking on me delighted in the fact

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that I am enjoying my shower.

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He loves the fact that I'm taking advantage of all of these laws of physics that he put

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into place of water and the fact that it cleanses and the fact that it, and enjoying the fact

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that it feels so good.

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He loves me loving and enjoying the things that he placed, you know, in my life that

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he placed in the world.

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I'm starting to feel a little better, you know, and then I, and then I go to the, go

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to the mirror and start doing my hair and start doing my makeup.

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And I'm like, God loves me taking care of myself in this way, expressing myself in this

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way while he's just watching me.

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And then I went and made breakfast.

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I'm like, God is loving me that while I'm making this breakfast and loving the fact

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that I thoroughly enjoy this particular type of breakfast.

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And that's why I'm making it for myself because I get so excited.

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He loves the, he loves me and delights in me while I'm doing this, like I'm just doing

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stuff.

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I'm not doing something, you know, some great ministry, not volunteering anywhere.

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I'm just doing normal life because it sounded good to me and because I thought it was fun

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and because I enjoy it.

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And he's looking at me, just delighting in me, just loving me just because I'm me and

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I'm expressing that I'm doing the things that I love.

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I'm appreciating the things that he's done, even though I wasn't thinking about God and

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the fact that he was and the fact that he created water and then, Oh God, thank you

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for making him water.

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It wasn't that I was just loving.

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Oh, I love how water feels or I love me.

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I love this kind of breakfast.

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So I'm going to make this breakfast for me.

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It's kind of like being a kid, you know, and just, you know, as an adult, you could do

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that.

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You decide what breakfast do I want.

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And then you just do that.

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And I, and it started and that's how I, how I went about my first day.

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I did the same thing when I.

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Uh, when I started to, um, work on my job for the day, I sat down.

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It's like, God is delighting in me as I am doing this thing.

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He loves me.

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He's just, and because he loves me, he's delighting me doing this

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and I'm not doing anything for him.

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I'm just being me.

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I'm going through normal daily tasks.

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And so I'm not giving him anything.

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I'm just being myself and that's enough for him.

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So I continue to make that choice.

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So that's one thing that I recommend.

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It is a very powerful and in fact, uh, impacted exercise and you won't.

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And that was just the first day I continue to do it.

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In fact, I do it to this day when I, when I'm struggling and I have to, uh,

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with believing that the Lord loves me, I have to shift back into that.

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Okay, Ashley, just do what you, the things that you normally do,

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believing and trusting right now.

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God is looking on me, loving me.

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He is delighting in me.

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He is, he's just pouring sunshine from his face down on me, just watching me,

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you know, uh, and then, so that's one thing you can do that with any of the

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other things that have got this really pesky fly, sorry.

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Well, now he's now he's mad.

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Um, but you can do this exercise with any of the other, um, characteristics

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of God that we talked about his goodness, his provision, his protection.

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You're making a willful, intentional decision that God is something.

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Completely.

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Unrelated to whatever it is that you're doing, um, and completely unrelated

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to whatever situation that you're in.

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It, and, uh, uh, if you remember that example that I gave about God being

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provider, how I didn't see the manifestation of, of provision in a

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physical sense with money, but I did believe that, and I chose that he was

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provider and I chose that him being provider was more important to me than

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me seeing a manifestation of provision.

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And that that was my new value, that he was provider, not in seeing

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a manifestation of provision.

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Um, and, uh, so again, that who he is and us delighting in that aspect of him

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is totally different from, um, and completely undisconnected from and

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unrelated to any external experience that we're having, it doesn't change

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God being who he says that he is.

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Uh, then the other thing that I would recommend is, um, is, is

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what I call, uh, sitting with God.

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This is kind of interesting because.

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You're just sitting with God and you're not doing anything.

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You're not believing that he loves you.

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You're not believing that he, I mean, well, you can, I suppose.

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Um, but you're not, you're not thinking about any ways that, that prove to

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you that God is, who says that he is.

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You are just sitting in his presence, expecting him to be all of the things

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that he says he is expecting him be well, God's love.

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Okay.

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So God is loving me right now.

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God is being good to me right now.

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He's just, he's here right now.

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I welcome his presence.

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So welcome his presence.

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Just sit somewhere where you've got no distractions, you know, maybe set your

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timer again, just like you do, you know, for five minutes or whatever, just like

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you do for your journal set for five minutes, where you, where, again, you

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don't have to worry about trying to remember how long you've been there or

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to keep from falling asleep or something.

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You've got an alarm and you're just going to sit there and you just no

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distractions, no thinking about anything, no accomplishing anything, because what

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you were trying to do is you're trying to position yourself to experience God,

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not to figure something out.

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And quite honestly, in a manner of speaking, not to have any faith.

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I'm not saying that you don't need to have faith.

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It's just that you're not working on anything.

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Uh, so, but you do have faith in the fact that you're just choosing.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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God says that he's loved and he is love.

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He is, uh, he's good.

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He is provider.

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He's protector, you know, whatever it is that you want to focus on in that

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moment or focus on, you know, choose in that moment, and then you just rest in

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that and you just sit there with God and you just feel him.

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Do you understand?

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You're not trying to learn something about God in this moment.

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You're not trying to get a revelation or an understanding you were experiencing.

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What the presence of God will reveal to you about himself.

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Remember, we were talking about that earlier with that.

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you know, in, in the teaching, talking about the fact that God himself, his spirit needs to affirm

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to you and to tell you who it is that he is. And we don't need to be relying on other people.

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There's nothing wrong with hearing other people like sermons and whatever pastors telling us who

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God says that he is. We, in order for us to choose it for ourselves, we have to have God himself

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affirm that to us. We have to take that before the Lord, Lord, give me the experience of who

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you are. Meaning like, Lord, allow me to experience you. We're not talking about putting

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out a fleece somewhere. Like God, give me a sign that, or God, if you really do love me,

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or if you really do provide for me, well, then you'll do X, Y, and Z. We're not talking about

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that. We're talking about you're in the presence of God and you experience all of a sudden this

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sense in you because you'll shift to a place of rest. And you will sense in that place that he

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really is all the things he says that he is. He really is love. He really is good. He really is

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provider. He really is protector. He really is safe. And you'll just experience it. Again,

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we're not talking about some revelation and some articulation and some understanding.

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We're talking about, you will experience those that God is who he says that he is,

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and he will then know, and no one will be able to take that away from you.

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We're not talking about, oh, you'll suddenly be able to understand and be able to articulate to

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someone else and logically point out in the Bible, how it's true. No, no, no. Or logically explain to

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anyone else, even yourself about how you could possibly know and choose that it's true. You're

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just trying to allow God to be who he is. When he's with you, you're creating a space for God

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to be who he is. Just let him show up. Now remember, expect him to be those things.

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This by the way, it's not, it's not hope or wishful thinking. Okay. Well, no, he says he's

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love. He says, he's good. He says he provides and protects me, you know, and all of that.

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I really hope it's, you know, really hoping it's true. You know, okay. I, you know, how do I explain

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it? It's like, you know, I'm really hoping I'm going to get to see it. There's an anticipation

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in there that you're going to be disappointed. Here's the problem with that. It is declaring

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God to be guilty to you. And then him having to prove his innocence in order to be let out

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of the dog house and allowed to come near you to touch you. If you approach it from the perspective

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of wishful thinking, Oh, you know, I really hope so. The problem with that is you're asking God

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to come in and to overcome your choice, your belief that he's not those things. You really

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want him to not to, to be something different, but that's not what you've chosen. You're just

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hoping God will come in and prove it to you otherwise. And that's not faith. God says, nope,

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you have to choose that. I am. You have to expect it. You have to be emotionally vulnerable

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and risk full disappointment that God actually risks the disappointment of finding out that God

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really isn't who you thought he was really risk the fact that he isn't loved, that he isn't good,

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that he doesn't provide to protect you. And that's what you're risking. You're risking

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disappointment. You're opening yourself up to not kind of like, okay, well, I might be

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disappointed because he might not overcome. No, you are fully expecting it. And if he doesn't,

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you're going to be devastatingly disappointed. That is reckless abandonment of faith to God.

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That's what you have to do. And you continue. And in that vulnerable place, what vulnerability is,

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is it is continuing to sit in that place. And in the midst of basically fear because of the risk

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that you're taking, but you still sit there in that fear and wait, and God will give you

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a different experience of himself. I promise you that. So if you also, also, if you have scary

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things to come to mind, you know, just disregard them as if they are important and they don't

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matter. So like, in other words, my point is like, if you have, if you have a fear,

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you know, that comes up, if you don't, don't hold on to it and think, oh my goodness, that,

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that might be, it might be telling me I'm in a bad and scary place. And it's trying to send me

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a life raft. You know, fear is a life raft that I can grab ahold of to kind of like save myself

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before I'm disappointed, ignore the life raft.

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ignore that completely and just sit in there.

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And I promise you,

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you will experience things of God

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that you never have before,

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because you're fondly risking full disappointment

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in your vulnerability

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and you're risking being wrong about him.

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So I hope that those two are helpful things.

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So in your practice,

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I mean, meaning like on the notes,

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by the way, I don't remember which day this is,

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you don't have to do,

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you can do your practice whenever you want,

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but you don't have to,

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but I set up the practice.

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I divided out like the,

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now he's kind of mad at me.

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I set up the practice in such a way

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that you can, how do I explain this?

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I divided out the amount of like time or work

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or I don't know, homework assignments, whatever.

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I've evenly distributed them throughout the week.

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So if you want, you can wait and to do the practice,

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on the day that of the journal entries

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that it's closest to, if you would like.

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If you would want to do it earlier than that,

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you're absolutely more than welcome to,

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because the good thing about this is

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I don't want these practices to be something you just do

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when I give them to you.

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I want these to be basically tools

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that you have in your tool belt.

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You're like, oh, now I've done it.

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And then now I can just,

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now I can just, I can do it whenever I think about it.

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I'm like, okay, you know what?

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I'm really struggling with my faith or my emotions

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with the Lord right now.

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I just want to sit for five minutes,

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just set your little five minute timer

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that you do for your journal,

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just sit with him for five minutes.

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He's really pesky.

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Just sit for five minutes

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and just to allow myself to experience God,

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allow him to show up as he chooses to be with me.

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So anyway, and when you write in,

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you'll see that there's a page

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that's just titled My Practice.

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You can journal in there with like full sentences

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or phrases or whatever, however it is you want to,

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or you can just write like bullet points.

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I do find phrases particularly helpful for people.

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I mean, meaning like if they don't want

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to do full blown sentences,

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instead of like one word or whatever,

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just write like some phrases of how the experience went.

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This is how it started.

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This is how you felt when it started,

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but then this is how you began to feel.

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It doesn't, you don't have to take up that whole page,

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but I just gave you a whole page to have access to,

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but just write out enough

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where you are articulating, okay, how did I feel?

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Basically, what did I experience?

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This is what it was like going in

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because that's my, I don't know,

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basically kind of like your MO,

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how you're used to living, but this is what I chose.

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This is the transition that I noticed that I went through,

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and this is how God showed up.

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And therefore this is what I think or whatever.

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So if y'all have any questions, just reach out to me.

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So I hope that's helpful,

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and I will see you at our next gathering.