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My name's Charles Bradley Keeling Jr.

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I grew up on the island of Kauai in Hawaii.

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My mom was like in the drug side,

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so we were like poor white kids

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and they didn't like white people there.

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So the ghetto in Hawaii is bad.

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Here, if you fight, you get expelled.

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There, if you fight, you get a detention.

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You know what I mean?

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It's just something that's there.

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So it's the way of life.

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And so when my mom did go to prison,

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I stayed with my aunt and uncle

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and I went to the bus stop every day.

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And I got, I mean, they jumped me every day,

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but it was just like, they picked me back up.

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We got on the bus and I would go.

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And that was just kind of how that was.

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My mom was in prison.

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And when she got out a month later,

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I'm not, I wasn't sure, I was really young.

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She probably relapsed or something.

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So we tried to move her probation to the mainland.

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And so she went in probably thinking for drugs

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and she did a year.

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When I was in Prescott

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and she had to go to jail a couple of times,

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I was homeless there, running around selling weed,

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doing, you know what I mean?

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Just kids, that was just what I,

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that's just what I knew.

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My mom would relapse left and right.

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And my mom would, she would go in and out of jail

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30 days at a time, 60 days at a time.

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I was just running the streets when she was doing that.

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And then I learned how my buddies would give me weed

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to sell.

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I wasn't going to school.

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I was just, you know, surviving at that time.

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And I was 14, 13, 14.

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And then she got out, she started doing well,

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got off probation.

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She moved back to Bullhead before I did.

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And I ended up moving back around almost 15 years old.

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And that's when I started getting in trouble myself.

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I started drinking in and out of juvie on probation myself.

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It was just, I felt like going to jail

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and going to prison and something like that.

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I've always seen it around me that that was normal.

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You know, I thought that was my normal.

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That's, it's just what happens from time to time.

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You know what I mean?

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And, and it's definitely not, you know,

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that's not, it's not a normal thing to do.

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That's just what we think.

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When I was 18, I was living in a house

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that my mom used to live at,

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but I took over the rent and bills with a friend.

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And she was living out in Mojave Valley

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by the river in an RV with a boyfriend.

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So she called me one night and I think I was sleeping.

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Or I was just like, I'll talk to her in the morning.

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And the next morning I heard a voicemail and she says,

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CJ, you're my son, you're my favorite son.

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And I'll always love you.

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And I didn't, I thought she was just being drunk.

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You know what I mean?

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I said, okay, I'll call you back.

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You know, I was like, okay, I'll call you back.

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You know what I mean?

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I said, okay, I'll call you back.

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You know, I'll call you back, man.

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I was drunk last night too, you know?

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And so as I'm listening to that message,

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it's the craziest thing.

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Me and my brother don't talk.

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And he, he called me.

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At the time we didn't talk much.

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He, he was calling me on the other line.

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So I was, I, I, I deleted the message and I clicked over

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and my brother goes, CJ, she goes, he goes, yeah.

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He goes, he's all mom's dead, bro.

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And I said, what?

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That's not, no, I just got me.

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She saw, she, she died this morning, bro.

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And it was like two in the morning,

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I guess she had shot herself.

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And I like yelled, huh.

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And like, I just hung up, broke down.

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I didn't have to see her body.

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And it was one of the most devastating things

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I've ever seen in my life.

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It was like me and my mom versus the world.

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And then she was gone.

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That was, that was my mom,

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whether she was a good mom or not.

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She, she was my mom.

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I loved her.

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She loved me.

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That was all I knew.

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She was my only constant.

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And after she passed away, I just lost it.

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I was just running around Arizona ever since.

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Just on my own, doing what I had to do.

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Job, got an apartment maybe for a couple months

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then go back to drinking heavy

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until I went to prison for the first time.

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I went to prison for a DUI.

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I had no business behind the wheel of a car.

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That was the first time I went to prison.

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And when I got out, I got on parole.

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I did good for about a month, you know?

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And I just went right back.

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I went back to Bullhead.

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I went on the run again

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and I went back to prison again to kill my number.

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I got in the meth.

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I got in the drugs.

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I started selling, started running stuff across lines.

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Cause I figured like if I was in a spot,

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like if I went to prison or died,

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I'd be in a better spot than I was then.

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I felt like, so I was just winning balls

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to the wall with everything, you know?

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And that's, that's just how I was.

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And I just used to do drugs and do crazy stuff.

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I would, I went to prison for the second time.

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A couple of years later,

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I was in and out of jail the whole time.

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And a couple of years later,

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I went to prison for two stolen cars

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on lawful means of transportation

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and aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

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I beat someone up with a dull side of a machete.

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And it was, it was, it was,

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I thought at the time, oh, he deserved it,

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but there was nothing okay with what I did.

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And, you know, I remember sitting in the cop car,

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like they got me, I'm going, you know, for a minute.

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And I got locked up.

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And when I was sitting in county that time,

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I like, I always went to county,

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would hear about God, would go to the services.

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But when I, this time, my cell,

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he had a postcard posted above the cell door right there.

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And it was Jeremiah 29, 11.

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It said, for I know the plans I have for you,

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the plans of the Lord,

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plans to prosper you and not harm you.

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You know, and that just plans to give you a hope.

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in the future and I felt just like the presence of God for the first time like all around

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me and I knew how real he was and it was just like just this weird revelation coming open

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in my head and like you're real like who are you what is this this is amazing I love you

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and I was just like oh wow ever since then I've read the Bible every day it was huge

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it was it was like my whole life changed and when I got to the yard I was doing good for

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a little bit but I didn't read my Bible as much as I was in the county I felt like this

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is what it is and I was kind of leading away from him and I relapsed on that yard and I

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was in my cell my cellie was freaking out and I was high on that and I was sitting there

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I was going like I looked around and I was like oh my god like this this is gonna be

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my life this if I don't stop like I'm I'm in prison because of what I'm doing right

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now and I just started freaking out like oh my like my cellie was freaking out he's like

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whoa calm down dude it's like it's 12 at night you need to stop and I'm yelling oh I'm sorry

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like there's so much and I was just like I couldn't I was just at a point where I'm

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so sorry Lord like I can't believe I did that and I just I felt the presence like I had

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true it was like true repentance maybe or something whatever it was but I fell to my

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knees and I just said sorry Lord I don't want to do this anymore I'm done I'm sorry and

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so that that point on I made a plan in my head I was like tomorrow I know I'm gonna

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want it but I'm gonna say no and I was like Lord I'm gonna say no I need your help a little

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bit and so tomorrow it came and they were like hey bro you want something I was like

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no I'm good I'm not I'm not trying to do that anymore the next day it came and I said the

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same thing I know I'm gonna want it Lord and I want to say no you know I'm not so I did

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it again and it came with a super good deal they're gonna give me a grip for nothing and

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then the next day it happened again it was gonna be for free and it was a grip and they're

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like here I got you bro and I was like no I don't want it no it's like I made a decision

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and when you make that decision God will help you and he'll lead you through and once

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I said no then because the devil will come at you with it every time I was like no and

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then after that it it was like I was scared I haven't been drug since since that day and

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it was it was all I give it all to God but you got to make a decision to choose him and

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I did and that's I was highly blessed and so the last year and a half that I was on

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Cimarron I got my diploma I spent time with God I was going to church God's love and God's

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grace gets me through any trouble I've had God's grace gives me the forgiveness I need

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to move forward and if you don't take advantage of his grace and you say God I'll do better

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I'll get it again because we're gonna fall every time I fall every day no matter what

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but his grace is what makes it possible to go from grace to grace and it's when you can

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do that you can move forward and not dwell on the things that he's done because he doesn't

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see that anymore and when you come to know that because I could see that who I was and

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do all that because I've more years of bad stuff than a couple years of good stuff but

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he only sees since I've met him he doesn't judge me for that he's knows that I messed

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up but when you use that grace to grace and you don't take advantage of it you can learn

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to learn that's the only way to go from grace to grace but once you start taking advantage

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of it I feel like oh yeah he'll forgive me he's not gonna he has to take his hands off

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you real quick for you he'll send you on your way you know what I mean and then you'll come

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back to him that he loves you and that's that's why his love his unconditional love

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gets me through anything gets me through lonely times gets me through temptations gets me

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through every day this is real and if you really put your faith into the fact that Jesus

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has really died on the cross and if you really put the fact that he loves me and he's here

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with me and know that this Bible the Bible's real can get you through any every day that

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though his word is something you can stand on but it takes faith to do that and when

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you put that faith in there he'll prove himself faithful his word does not come back boy Charles

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Keeling before Jesus was was an alcoholic an addict didn't care selfish he was nearsighted

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couldn't see an inch in front of his face no matter how good his heart was no matter

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how good your intentions are it's what comes out and it wasn't good because what happens

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is the abundance of the heart but Charles Keeling after Jesus is being successful responsible

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stable strong caring has a heart for people this is where I'm at and he can turn he can

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turn anyone into something amazing is it's amazing just so cool