WEBVTT

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All right.

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So today we are going to be talking about being me with God.

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This is all about fully accepting ourselves and being who it is that we are in God's presence

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with him as opposed to, Oh, well, I feel safe being with me, which most people don't, but

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sometimes people think that they feel okay being themselves as, but they stop feeling

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safe as themselves. Whenever they feel like they need to go into the presence of the world and

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they feel that they need to change. So they felt that they need to be something that they're not,

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that they need to be more Christian. They need to be more son of God. Like they need to,

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they, they need to clean themselves that they need to not allow certain desires to come out

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and to be displayed unless they keep themselves separated from God Monday through through

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Saturday, or, you know, for a certain time while they're doing whatever it is that they're doing,

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that they think that God doesn't approve of. And this is all about doing and being who it

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is that we are while in God's presence. Okay. So first of all, wanted to mention,

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you know, as I always like to do the strip, the struggle that I try to highlight that I

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always highlight on brick wall, opposite, opposite page. So this one is talking about the

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being unloved by God, meaning like feeling like you were the unloved one, the one that God doesn't

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love. And in other words, you don't feel received. You don't accept the feel accepted fully as who

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it is that you are by the Lord. And therefore you don't in, therefore we have a tendency to

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reject ourselves. Something that we've been talking about lately, you know, is the sensor,

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this feeling of self-hatred or self-rejection, because we feel that that's what God has done

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with us. There's no such thing as loving or accepting yourself. And then but not feeling

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loved and accepted by the Lord or feeling loved and accepted by the Lord, but not, but not fully

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loving and accepting yourself. They're so inner. They're so connected to one another. They're

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basically dependent on one another. There's a direct relationship. One is going to affect

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the relationship. One is going to affect the other. So song of Solomon five, six talks about

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expresses the feeling that I felt and the struggle that I was going through when I felt like I was

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the unloved by God. If God loved God, loved other people, but he didn't love me.

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And I thought it was just very evident by how my life just was playing out, et cetera. So song of

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Solomon five, six, I opened for my beloved, but my beloved had left. He was gone. My heart sank

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at his departure. I looked for him, but did not find him. I called him, but he did not answer.

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And that is what it feels like. So remember that, that, and this is the person that is the,

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uh, that is the one who is beloved by God. Remember I opened for my beloved. So this is,

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this is talking about, you know, who Jesus is, you know, he's the, he's the lover, he's the beloved.

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And then this person who was loved by him, they are talking about the fact that they are looking

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for, you know, an example or an image of Christ. They're looking for him and they don't feel,

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and they can't find him. And that's what it feels like when we're unloved by God,

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it's like, we want so desperately to connect with him, to be loved by him, to experience his

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presence, to experience connection, to experience closeness and intimacy and being valued and

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cherished by the Lord. And then not getting it, seeking it, looking for it and being disappointed.

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I looked for him, but he left, he was gone. And my heart sank at his departure. I called for him,

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but did not, but did not find him. I looked for him, but did not find him. I called him,

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but he did not answer. And that's how it feels. Um, so today, um, wanted to talk about the

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importance of us accepting ourselves, us accepting ourselves, not, uh, and so this is a bit deeper

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than what we were talking about earlier, you know, in several sessions ago about who does God say

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that I am, that's the foundation for us fully accepting ourselves. But today we're going to

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talk about fully accepting every part of ourselves, even the parts of ourselves that we don't like

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right now, that we're really struggling with, that we feel are sinful, that we're afraid of

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finding, you know, that we're hiding from things that have caused us to avoid accessing ourselves

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because we're afraid of letting out the dragon. We're afraid of letting out something that we're

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trying to stifle and just keep.

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been under control and we're concerned that if we let that, if that, if we face

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it, that one thing that we'll discover that we're that all the things that we

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didn't want are to be true about ourselves, we'll find out that there

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really are true is what we think.

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And then we're afraid also that it's going to loosen the drug, that it's

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going to lose the dragon and that we're going to lose control of it.

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And then it's going to destroy us and other people that the evil within us

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or, and because that's what we think we're going to find this evil within us.

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This bad thing within us, it's going to cause us to behave badly.

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It's going to cause it's going to cause destruction in our

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relationship with other people.

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It's going to cause us to make bad decisions, you know, et cetera, that

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there's going to be bad outcomes as a result of us being us.

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And therefore we are stifling ourselves.

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We're avoiding ourselves.

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We're hiding from ourselves and we're not allowing us to access who it is that

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we are, because we are not being a safe place for our soul, for our body.

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We're not being a say a place that is safe for us to just be us and to be

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fully, to fully accept unconditionally who it is that we just find out that we

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are yes, even all of the bad things, even all of the sins, even all of the

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ugliness, even all of the evil.

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So we're not saying that all of those things are okay, but we need to

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fully accept ourselves unconditionally.

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Um, so before we talk about that further, the first thing I wanted to talk about

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is one of the things that makes us afraid of seeing those things is not only.

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That we're afraid of what we're going to, that something that we're going to

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find that something is true about ourselves so that we don't want to be

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But also we're afraid that when we are, when we show that thing, when we bring

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that thing into the light, that God is going to correct us and we have a

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terrible, terrible fear of correction.

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For one thing, it can feel like an affirmation that, yeah, we really are as

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bad as we thought that we were that boom.

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Yeah.

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We got slapped.

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It really was as we feel that.

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Almost like, I don't know that we'll experience an intensity of punishment

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that, that we take as meaning that what we saw in us was, um, was as horrible as

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how the punishment or the correction felt.

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Uh, let me see if I can, and hopefully that made sense, but just in case it

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didn't, let me see if I can explain it another way.

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Um, I don't know if, if y'all will, I know, I know y'all have, because you're,

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you're, you're human, we've all had this experience where you maybe did something.

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Let's just say for instance, when you were a child, cause sometimes that's

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easier to kind of, um, to, to remember some of those instances where you're a

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child and you did something and, and you even didn't know that what you'd done

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was wrong or that you, you did know that what you did was wrong, but the

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punishment, the correction that came from your parents or whoever it was an

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authority over you at that particular situation just felt so intense that it

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shocked you to, to, because you didn't know that what you've done was that bad.

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And usually with correction and punishment, we always, we always, uh,

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felt that we got a, it deepened our sense of identity that in what it is that we

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were as evil as the thing that we did.

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So if this was punished to this intensity, it must've meant that this was that evil

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to that intensity and because we identified who it is that we were in our

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worth with what it is that we did.

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We thought that must mean that we were that intensely awful and horrible and

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valueless, so that's why I wanted to bring up this point that we can have a

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tendency to have a, such a tremendous fear of correction because the meaning

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that we've attributed to correction was to use that and its level of intensity

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to be what we used as our standard of determining how good to what level or

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intensity we were good or bad of the response that we got to what we did to

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what we showed of ourselves and put it on display, what kind of a response that

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we got, we measured and determined who it is that we were and the degree of

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goodness and evil that that was.

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We determined that by the degree of intensity of response that we got, and

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if it was correction and punishment.

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Then we thought, oh, wow.

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I didn't know I was that bad.

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I don't know.

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I didn't know I was that evil.

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I didn't know therefore that we put, and we put meaning to it, put additional meanings

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to it.

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I didn't know that I was that worthless.

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I didn't know that I was that, that valueless.

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I didn't know I was that destructive.

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I didn't know I was that, that little desired, especially if any of the punishment that came

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to you was emotional abandonment.

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If people removed their emotional connection to you and relationship with you based off

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of how you acted, then you thought, oh my, then you really thought, wow, I must be that

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valueless that, and what it is because I did this thing.

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And this person's response was to abandon me, was to remove themselves from me.

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I must be that, that little worth loving or worth, you know, have any, um, or worth valuing.

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Um, and, uh, anyway, so we can build a whole lot of meanings, a lot of bit from traumas

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that we have developed, traumas that we, uh, that we experienced from correction that

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we received.

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So we need to, we need to change our understanding of the correction that we actually do receive

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from the Lord.

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Like what that actually means, um, and how it actually comes with his heart is in it

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and what is actually really going on.

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So first of all, the way that we, uh, the foundation for understanding it in a new way

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is to understand that we do not need fixing.

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Remember that your spirit doesn't sin.

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There's nothing wrong with you.

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You're not broken.

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Your soul and your body are in bondage.

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They're not broken.

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There's nothing wrong with you.

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You, your body and your soul don't need fixing.

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God only creates good and perfect things.

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Your soul and your body are simply afraid.

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They're living in fear and they're acting and behaving out of that fear, fear that they're

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not being protected, feel that they're not feeling a fear that they're not being provided

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for.

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And therefore they're going to act out of that, out of those beliefs, out of those fears

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that they aren't being protected and provided for.

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So they're going to try to exert their effort to do it on their own.

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And that's where they end up making the decisions that they, uh, that they do.

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Um, but then making those decisions and making those choices and acting like that, again,

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that that can be an unbelief.

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Those are the things at them, um, acting out of their fear of unbelief are the things that

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we look at that we are afraid to know about ourselves.

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And we, and we define whenever we do see them about ourselves, we define them as, as,

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as broken aspects of ourselves.

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No, it's decisions that your soul and your body may trying to protect you, trying to

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preserve you, trying to provide for you, trying to give your, create an environment of safety

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for you to be good to you, to love you, or to make you feel loved or feel comforted and

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feel taken care of.

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It's it, them trying to do the quote unquote good thing.

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Not sure it's, it's good from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, but they're trying

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to do the quote unquote good thing or right thing because they think they were abandoned.

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So the correction really between us and the Lord is simply God realigning our body and

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our spirit with his truth.

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It's not correction in the way that we've experienced it in the world where it's like

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a slap upside the head, you know, hopefully never, none of us have actually experienced

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that in the physical, but the point is just kind of like a slap outside the head.

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Just like, what's wrong with you?

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You know, I mean, do we hear the shame in that?

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What's wrong with you?

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It, we, we make someone's, we, we define each other by, you know, especially like if

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you're talking to a child by some, their actions, what's wrong with you?

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Do you hear that?

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What's wrong with you?

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Not what's wrong with that action or what's wrong with what you did or you don't know

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what's wrong with you.

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Don't, you know, better.

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I taught you better, you know, et cetera.

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Everything just becomes very, we, we use a lot of identifying language when we're

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talking with each other, or that was spoken over us.

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And that creates tremendous, tremendous trauma.

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And whenever we are trying to, you know, whenever in association with feeling, how to, how to, sorry, how do I put this? I don't know why I'm like, struggling with my, with phrasing this, but that creates traumas related to experiences of our experiences of correction or being in situations where we need to be corrected or where we could just simply experience correction,

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regardless of whether or not we deserved it. Right. And God, God's sense of correction. There's no need to fix anything. He made your spirit, your soul and your body. Perfect. They're perfectly fine, but your soul and your body are afraid.

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And so he's just teaching them. He's giving them an invitation. So the correction is simply an invitation that is being made to them to come into alignment, to actually believe him. It's like, you're not believing me.

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And so that's being in bondage. I'm giving you an invitation to believe me now, but it's not a punishment of what's wrong with you. Stop that. Cut that out. It's, it's always an invitation.

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We already have all of God's love. We're all, we've already been made perfect. We're already one with him. We all am being one with him. We never lose connection. We never lose contact. We never lose communication.

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Ever, even when we sin. So this whole, because we're one with him, the spirit and our spirits always perfect.

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So we never lose that. The whole thing about the soul and the body and, and being corrected by the Lord is simply him calling them and inviting them. He's like, the rest of you is perfect. I've already done all the work. You can't be more one with me than you already are.

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But soul and body, don't we want to experience all of the benefits of the fact that your spirit is one with me.

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There's so many benefits that it's getting to experience. It's getting experienced by rest. It's getting to experience my joy, my love, my long suffering. And, and I mean, meaning like all of the things, all of that God's characters that the characteristics

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that we take on as our characteristics, like it's getting to enjoy being perfect.

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Don't you want to enjoy the benefits of feeling and being perfect.

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I'm inviting you to believe me. That's the correction. It's, it's a calling to alignment, not a whipping into place.

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Remember that is the old covenant. That is the old Testament, because that is what they agreed to the Israelites were offered this covenant of sonship on the mountain and they, they rejected it.

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Because God said, you know, I want called them called to them and said, you know, I want you to be my sons, you know, whatever. And they were like, this is terrifying.

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We don't want this direct connection. We don't want this direct accountability and responsibility to the Lord. Moses, you act like a buffer, you touch the Lord and we, and we will do what you tell us to do.

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We'll follow all these laws and all of these rules. So that's the old covenant. That's the old thing that they accepted. We accepted something completely different. We accepted the things that thing that was originally offered to the Israelites.

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And the Israelites said no to, we said yes.

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And you can't go back from it.

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You've already accepted the invitation. You've already accepted the covenant. It's already happened.

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You can't mess it up.

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God's already done it all. So if God did it all and you did nothing, you can't do anything to get out of it because you already, because he did it everything anyway. Right.

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You can't make it not, not be true. So, so anyway, God is just inviting your soul and your body to it, to experience it so that the fullness of what it is that he's done can be experienced in all three aspects of you.

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So that's all that correction is. It's not whipping you into shape. It's not shaming you because shame. Remember, is this, is this idea that we're bad.

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But remember your soul is the, where, who it is that you are sits, who your identity, it sits in your soul and it's perfect. Nothing wrong with you. It's not bad.

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And your soul and your body are part of you, but not.

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It's not where your identity sits, your identity sits in the perfect perfection aspect of you. And then your soul and your body have been created to be.

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And by the Lord as good and it's perfect, but currently they're acting subject to sin subject to bondage in sin because they think that's who they are.

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Very specifically in scripture, he said, that's not who you are anymore, but you keep acting like it. So you're just acting like it. That's not who your soul and your body are anymore, but that's who they think they are.

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So that's what they're manifesting. That's what they, they think that's who they are. So that's how they keep acting. Right. That's all that it is.

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Your soul and your body are just afraid. So you and making mistakes.

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And sinning is nothing for you to be afraid of.

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It can't mess anything up.

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Can't mess anything up between you and the Lord.

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So there's nothing to be afraid of.

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There's so that removes any fear and threat of what could happen by, uh, wrong simply

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by trying something right.

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And so it removed it, um, it can remove that fear for us of the potential threat that we've

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always kind of seen the future as, um, so anyway, God doesn't need also, God doesn't

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need to correct who it is that you are correct.

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You as a person, as an individual, if you already are the thing.

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So who it is that you are, your identity is in your spirit and you already are the thing.

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So when he's correcting you, he's just calling the rest of you, the soul and the body to

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come into alignment with him, but he's not telling you, you need to become something

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that you're not already.

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You've already become it.

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You're already one with the king of the universe.

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He's the one who said all of this, all of this is in scripture.

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We're not sitting here making up some theory and some doctrine and wouldn't it be nice

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if life worked like this.

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You both know that it mentions this in scripture over and over and over and over and over and

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over and over again.

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It's God's idea.

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We didn't make this up.

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So we can be assured that he desires it and that he's going to sustain it and that he,

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he is the one who created it to work like this.

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This wasn't something that we asked of him and we're just hoping he continues to agree

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because oh my goodness, if he stops agreeing.

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You know, and kind of like a parent, you know, that'll just like renege on their promise

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or whatever.

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No, no, no.

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This is totally God's idea.

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We didn't even ask for this, right.

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But we get to choose whether or not we're going to accept what it is that God is offering.

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And this is totally the Lord's idea.

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So in, okay.

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So anyway, when the Lord corrects us, the most powerfully effective way that he knows

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will correct us is to give you this, your soul and your body and experience of him.

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That is the hands-down most powerful way that we, that we, that your soul and your

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body will adjust.

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In other words, be corrected.

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It will adjust and come into alignment.

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Is by experiencing him, not by learning something, you know, that isn't true.

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This is true.

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Change your thoughts and ideas towards it.

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What we were talking about in the group chat today, that it, all of this coming into alignment

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is effortless.

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Everything that the Lord encourages us and calls us to do needs to be done from a place

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of rest, not strife, not exertion.

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Everything is from a place of rest.

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So your soul and your body coming into alignment is something that it will naturally do.

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You just need to let go and stop hindering it from doing it.

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Stop hindering it with your unbelief.

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So choose intentionally make a decision that what God says is true really is true and act

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on that and your soul and your body.

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In other words, your logic and your feelings will naturally come into alignment.

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You don't have to try to convince yourself that's a lot of work and quite honestly, it's

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not sustainable.

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So in that, from that perspective, it doesn't work because it's not sustainable.

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So anyway, the Lord knows that the quickest and most effective, most powerful way for

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your soul and your body to start coming into alignment and start agreeing with the Lord

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and start acting like that for its logic and your feelings to start coming into alignment

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is when you experience the truth that he is, who he says that he is, and that you are

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who he says that you are.

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So one of the ways that you can do this is what we've been talking about is, uh, you

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know, sitting with him just as an ex and sit with him, experiencing that he is who he is

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and that you are who he says that you are just sitting in that experience.

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And I mentioned this, you know, when I mentioned that practice several sessions back that when

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you do that, you will naturally shift and you will naturally heal and you won't be able

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to articulate why or what you even learned about the Lord.

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It's just because you chose by your own free will made a decision, even though you didn't

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feel it, even though it didn't make any sense to you, you know, no feelings, no logic.

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You just chose that.

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It was true.

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And you sat in the, and experienced that reality.

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that truth. You experienced God and how he, that in his love, you, you experienced the truth

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with him by sitting with him, that he really is who he says that he is. And that he really

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is in that you really are who he says that you are. And you shifted and changed without trying

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your soul and your body experienced the truth that you made a choice of in your spirit.

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Well, technically you made the choice of it in your soul, but meaning like your soul made the

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choice to come into alignment with what your spirit was saying, because your spirit always

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is saying whatever God's thinking. So it's one with God and your soul and your body naturally

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come into alignment. When you do that, because God says that the most powerfully effective way

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for the soul and body to come into alignment is by experiencing him. So here's the thing.

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So not only do you give your, do you practice what it is that I just described that practice

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of sitting with the Lord like that, but also you be that for your soul and your body. We've been

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talking about how to be that for other people, but the only way to be that for other people and

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to give people a creative spiritual environment for them to experience that they really are who

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God says that they are. Why? Because you see them like that. And because you see them like that,

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they get a, it creates a spiritual atmosphere so that when they're in your presence, they experience

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being that, and they love that aspect about that. They love experiencing that they really are that

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wonderful thing. In order for you to be able to do that for someone else, you have to see yourself

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like that. You have to be that for you. If you aren't that for you, you can't be that for someone

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else. You don't have it to give. You don't see someone else like that unless you've seen yourself

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like that. Like you're literally seeing yourself and receiving yourself like that right now,

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that is the only way that you can do that for someone else. I know that we wish that it was

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different because we want to do all these things for other people, and we want them to know how

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much they're loved. You cannot give that unless you've done that for you first, because you don't

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have the faith to, you don't have the, because that's only done by faith. You can only give that

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to them by believing God. And if you're not believing it about yourself, you're actually

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not believing it about, uh, about what God says about them either, because you and them are the

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same. You're one, you're, you're one in the body of Christ. You're, you are, um, your sons you're

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from him. So if you can't believe that about yourself, then there is no foundation on which

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to believe it about someone else either, because you're, it's the same principle. You can't believe

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it about them, but believe a lie about you in that same, about the same thing. It's like, no,

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no, no. It's it's all or nothing. Kind of like what we were talking about with emotion. Have

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we talked about this with emotions? I'm not sure if we have or not. So maybe we haven't. So, and

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we'll be talking about that, uh, about emotions next time. So, so, so I'm not going to muddy the

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waters by bringing that up, but anyway, it's very important that you beat this for you first,

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that you are who you say, who God says that you are. You choose that that is who you are

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and then receive yourself. Viewing yourself as that person fully embrace and accept yourself

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as being who God says that you are. And that means that you have to fully receive and accept

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your soul and body. Um, as they are right now, you can't reject any part of who it is that you are.

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Um, and hope to heal it. You only heal and your body will only shift and change. Once you fully

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accept it as it is right now, it will only feel safe to change when it knows that it does went

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that you fully accepted the way that it is unconditionally without ever changing in the

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future. So the same thing with your book, you know, with our bodies, like, uh, how I've talked

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about, you know, with eating that you will not drop the weight, especially unless you do it with

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like a whole lot of effort, a whole lot of exertion, a whole lot of sweat, a whole lot of like

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doing nutrition, nutrition, just right. Then sometimes your body will lose weight, but sometimes

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it won't. Even when you do that, why? Because that's, it's not the nutrition and the, and the

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exercise or the lack of exercise that's causing it to hold weight. The reason that it's holding

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the weight is it's trying to preserve and protect itself against you because it sees you as an

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enemy, because it doesn't feel safe when it's with you. It doesn't feel fully seen and loved

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and accepted. It feels like it has to change and be corrected and be fixed. And as if we see that

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it's a problem.

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That has to be the problem that has to be fixed, something that has to change that it's

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not okay as it is that there, because it's identifying, you know, with, with its actions

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while we're doing all these things to try to protect you.

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And this is who we are, you know, we're, we're trying to protect you.

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So if you, if you, if you reject how I'm trying to protect you, you're rejecting me because

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I'm the one who made that decision and I was trying to do something good for you.

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And apparently I can't trust you, you know, if you reject that part, you're rejecting,

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you're rejecting my, this good thing that I'm trying to offer you.

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And so I'm going to keep myself close to the vest, you know, I can keep myself, you know,

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locked up and closed and away from you.

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And that's how it will, and that's where bodies and our souls interact with us.

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So a lot of times that's why people can't feel themselves, why they can't get access

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to their emotions is they don't feel the soul does not feel safe.

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With the spirit safe with who it is with, with all that it's feeling, because it feels

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like it's going to be under it in its vulnerability.

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It feels that it will, that if it expresses vulnerability, if it like shows who all of

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the struggles that it's dealing with, that it feels that it's going to be slapped, that

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it's going to be attacked, that it's going to be terribly, terribly hurt instead of this,

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instead of being provided a safe place where it is unconditionally accepted, even in all

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of its hurt, even in all of its pain, it's fear, it's anger, it's acting out, it's misbehaving,

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all of those things.

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It needs to know that it is fully safe with you in order for it to finally stop acting

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like that, because all of those things that it's acting like are not natural for the soul

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and the body.

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That is not how God created them.

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That's not normal.

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The body and the soul were not created to handle what it is.

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They've tried to all of these responsibilities that have tried to take on and tried to handle.

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They've done it because they thought you, your spirit wasn't doing it for them.

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Wasn't covering them, wasn't protecting and providing for them.

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So it thought it had to do it for itself.

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Well, it was not ever meant to take on those responsibilities.

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So what happens?

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It, it decides, well, in order to protect and provide for ourselves, we've never, we

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don't know what to do.

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So the only thing, because you know, our, our spirit was supposed to do this, but our

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spirits abandoned us.

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It's not a safe place for us.

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So what are we going to do?

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You know what?

385
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We need to gain weight.

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You know, let's, you know, when our soul, you know, we need to be afraid or we need

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to be angry because we need to protect ourselves, you know, against this person, we need to

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create all of these emotional walls needed, whatever, you know, so it's doing things that

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it wasn't designed by God.

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So to speak with the intention for it to do in a healthy environment.

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So when you provide it with a healthy environment, the soul and the body will adjust and start

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letting go of all of these things that God never meant it to have to do.

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Why?

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Because your spirit is now doing it for them.

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Your spirit is now protecting them.

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Your spirit is now providing for them.

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So your soul and your body are like, oh, well then we don't need to do it ourselves.

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So we'll finally stop doing all of these things that it was never intended to do in the first

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place.

400
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It knows what to let go of.

401
00:33:32.500 --> 00:33:36.880
It knows what it has taken on that is not natural for it to do.

402
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So what will readjust to its natural default reset button state, like pressing a reset

403
00:33:44.280 --> 00:33:50.320
button, you know, on the body or on the soul, it'll, it'll adjust back to its, its original

404
00:33:50.320 --> 00:33:57.120
factory states when it was sent out of the factory, you know, like by the Lord, it'll

405
00:33:57.120 --> 00:34:01.960
adjust back to that state when you provide a safe environment for it to be itself, but

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you have to love and unconditionally accept it without ever.

407
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In other words, net, not putting a requirement on it to change, not even requesting it to

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change.

409
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It will naturally drop it because it'll naturally drop for instance, the weight because it doesn't

410
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want it.

411
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It doesn't, it knows it's not natural, takes a lot of energy for it to do all this stuff

412
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that it was never intended to do.

413
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It was never intended to be responsible for all of this stuff.

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And it felt that it had to be because you weren't, it felt that you weren't doing it

415
00:34:37.840 --> 00:34:38.840
for it.

416
00:34:38.840 --> 00:34:41.159
Meaning like your, your, your spirit, you know, that you weren't being the king for

417
00:34:41.159 --> 00:34:42.159
it.

418
00:34:42.159 --> 00:34:44.040
And he was like, oh my goodness, if we're missing our king, we've got to do it for ourselves.

419
00:34:44.040 --> 00:34:48.600
Or if our king is abusing us because that's, it's, it's perspective of you.

420
00:34:48.600 --> 00:34:52.000
You're not abusing it, but that's what it thinks, you know, because if you haven't known

421
00:34:52.000 --> 00:34:57.280
that you're the son of a son of God, well, then you weren't showing up, you weren't showing

422
00:34:57.280 --> 00:34:58.280
yourself.

423
00:34:58.280 --> 00:34:59.280
And so it thinks that you've abandoned it.

424
00:34:59.280 --> 00:35:00.280
Right.

425
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.400
all creations groaning and anticipation of the manifestation of the sense of God,

426
00:35:00.280 --> 00:35:00.280


427
00:35:04.400 --> 00:35:09.760
including Paul then says in the next and the next verse, including our own flesh includes that,

428
00:35:09.760 --> 00:35:14.240
including we ourselves who are waiting for the redemption of our bodies, which is the hope for

429
00:35:14.240 --> 00:35:20.560
which we were saved. Um, uh, so anyway, so he's talking about the fact that our souls and our

430
00:35:20.560 --> 00:35:25.680
bodies are also waiting for us to realize who it is that we are so that they can finally be released

431
00:35:25.680 --> 00:35:30.320
from all of the frustration and the bondage site they're under. So this is our first,

432
00:35:30.320 --> 00:35:34.800
the first line of our kingdom that is waiting for us to know who it is that we are so they can be

433
00:35:34.800 --> 00:35:39.680
freed so that they can stop taking on all these responsibilities that they thought that they were,

434
00:35:39.680 --> 00:35:44.960
that they thought that they had to, because the one that they, that they thought was supposed to

435
00:35:44.960 --> 00:35:49.760
do this for them, their King has abandoned them. So he's not there. So we've got to protect

436
00:35:49.760 --> 00:35:54.320
ourselves. Right? So anyway, the only way for it to change is for the King to come in

437
00:35:55.840 --> 00:36:01.680
so that it knows into fully and to provide an environment for them to experience. And here's

438
00:36:01.680 --> 00:36:07.520
where we got on this whole topic for them to actually get the X for them to experience being

439
00:36:07.520 --> 00:36:14.640
loved and protected. Then they realize, Oh, I'm actually experiencing the thing that the spirit

440
00:36:14.640 --> 00:36:20.960
keeps telling me that my King keeps telling me is true. So now I realize because I've experienced it,

441
00:36:20.960 --> 00:36:27.280
that it's true. So now I can stop doing it myself. But if we just keep telling our soul

442
00:36:27.280 --> 00:36:33.520
and our body, Hey, by the way, you just need to trust me. You know, then it's a lot harder for

443
00:36:33.520 --> 00:36:38.000
the soul and the body to make that decision that they can trust the spirit for something that they,

444
00:36:38.000 --> 00:36:43.040
when all that they've experienced to the spirit is the opposite of what the spirit is saying.

445
00:36:43.040 --> 00:36:46.400
The spirit is saying, Hey, look, you can trust me and you can do all this and I'll protect you

446
00:36:46.400 --> 00:36:50.560
and whatever. And they're like, well, you're not doing it now. So why should I trust that

447
00:36:50.560 --> 00:36:58.480
you're going to do it when I let go? You're not doing it while I'm holding on. So and so what we

448
00:36:58.480 --> 00:37:04.240
want to do, you need to address what we need to do is we need to provide a, all we need to provide

449
00:37:04.240 --> 00:37:12.160
an environment for them to experience us being that for them as protecting it as providing for

450
00:37:12.160 --> 00:37:18.000
it, you know, et cetera. So that is a really big topic. And I have a whole, like a whole session on

451
00:37:18.000 --> 00:37:26.960
it in the inner has Russ foundation series. I don't remember which session it is, but the but

452
00:37:26.960 --> 00:37:35.920
my point of bringing that up is to basically give a foundation or a well, yeah, just a foundation

453
00:37:35.920 --> 00:37:41.440
for what it is I'm talking about when I said that we need to create an environment for our soul and

454
00:37:41.440 --> 00:37:48.960
our body to, um, by, uh, so that the, we'll leave that our spirit really is telling the truth and

455
00:37:48.960 --> 00:37:55.280
that everything that God says that they can expect really is going to happen because our spirit is

456
00:37:55.280 --> 00:38:02.640
actually, is actually giving to it, the protection and the provision that it got from God.

457
00:38:02.640 --> 00:38:07.120
Cause that's, that's where we get the protection provision we can give to our spirits. I mean,

458
00:38:07.120 --> 00:38:11.760
our souls and our bodies is we get it from the Lord and then we give it to, we create an

459
00:38:11.760 --> 00:38:17.760
environment and experience for our soul and our body in which we be that for our soul and our body.

460
00:38:17.760 --> 00:38:24.320
So it can, so by experiencing the truth that God really, that what God said that it can expect,

461
00:38:24.320 --> 00:38:30.480
it really has experienced. Then it gives it the courage to let go of all of this stuff,

462
00:38:30.480 --> 00:38:34.640
let go of the weight, let go of the fear, let go of the anger, let go of all of these things.

463
00:38:35.120 --> 00:38:45.360
Um, and the, and part of how you create that environment is to fully love and accept the soul

464
00:38:45.360 --> 00:38:54.080
and the body right now, as they are unconditionally and unconditionally doesn't mean like, okay, I

465
00:38:54.080 --> 00:38:57.840
accept that this is how you are right now. And I'll let you, you know, and I'll provide for

466
00:38:57.840 --> 00:39:02.720
and protect you. It's no, no, unconditionally meaning like I will love and accept you.

467
00:39:03.440 --> 00:39:10.880
You, I do love and accept you and fully receive you right now as if you will never change.

468
00:39:12.240 --> 00:39:22.800
You're not approving of the misbehavior, the weight, the anger, the unbelief. You're not,

469
00:39:23.760 --> 00:39:32.160
you're not, um, uh, you're not approving of it. You were accepting the soul and your body as an

470
00:39:32.160 --> 00:39:41.680
entity that is that out of its fear is making these decisions. You're not approving of its

471
00:39:41.680 --> 00:39:49.200
decisions. You're approving of the entity that is just happens to currently be, you know,

472
00:39:49.200 --> 00:39:53.520
the two entities, the soul and the body that happens to currently be struggling

473
00:39:54.640 --> 00:39:59.840
with fears and acting out of those fears, except it.

474
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:06.780
Fully in the middle of struggle, except it fully in the middle of all of its mess.

475
00:40:07.500 --> 00:40:13.180
The mess of it, learning the mess of it, trying and failing the mess of it.

476
00:40:13.180 --> 00:40:18.580
Just simply just daggum being afraid, you know, we have to love and accept it

477
00:40:18.580 --> 00:40:21.020
fully, not requiring it to change.

478
00:40:21.020 --> 00:40:26.300
So part of how this manifests, when you fully love and accept your stuff

479
00:40:26.300 --> 00:40:31.100
or who it is that you are, you let go of ever losing weight.

480
00:40:32.380 --> 00:40:36.220
This is something that I've lived through, and this is how I knew to

481
00:40:36.220 --> 00:40:41.180
began to teach other people how to lose weight and rest, because I had to do this.

482
00:40:41.220 --> 00:40:46.700
I have never once heard it from anybody else, but this is how I've lost weight.

483
00:40:46.940 --> 00:40:48.060
This is how I've kept it off.

484
00:40:48.920 --> 00:40:52.860
Um, and then whenever I do like gain some back, cause I've never gained it back

485
00:40:52.860 --> 00:40:56.820
fully, you know, to what I was before, but whenever I start gaining some,

486
00:40:56.860 --> 00:41:00.180
this is how I lose it again, too, is I realize, okay, wait a minute.

487
00:41:00.180 --> 00:41:00.880
Why am I gaining?

488
00:41:00.880 --> 00:41:04.740
I'm gaining because I'm in unrest again, I gain it and, and I can notice

489
00:41:04.740 --> 00:41:07.060
I can get frustrated with my body, but.

490
00:41:07.820 --> 00:41:12.980
I've noticed that when I fully love and accept my body as it is, without

491
00:41:12.980 --> 00:41:16.780
requiring it to change, it starts dropping the weight.

492
00:41:16.780 --> 00:41:18.880
I'm like, that's great, Justin.

493
00:41:18.880 --> 00:41:19.900
This is the way to lose weight.

494
00:41:20.340 --> 00:41:23.660
Um, uh, but anyway, it's, that's just one example.

495
00:41:23.660 --> 00:41:26.740
That's just a, like a physical example of how things work out in our body.

496
00:41:26.740 --> 00:41:31.020
But it's the same thing with, uh, like with sicknesses or with, uh, with

497
00:41:31.020 --> 00:41:36.860
emotions is your body will let go of that, which it, it of responsibilities

498
00:41:36.860 --> 00:41:41.980
that it took on outside of God's original way that he designed them to

499
00:41:41.980 --> 00:41:47.660
function and to, and, uh, to expend their energy on they'll they it's like

500
00:41:48.340 --> 00:41:54.100
when you provide a, an environment, a full love and acceptance unconditionally

501
00:41:54.340 --> 00:42:01.020
and letting go of whole of, of holding them accountable to, or even

502
00:42:01.020 --> 00:42:03.500
requesting that they ever change.

503
00:42:04.620 --> 00:42:07.980
Your body it's like hitting a reset button and your body and your soul

504
00:42:07.980 --> 00:42:09.660
will start, will start changing.

505
00:42:09.660 --> 00:42:12.700
We'll start, we'll change how they respond to life.

506
00:42:13.300 --> 00:42:16.980
Um, and they will no longer respond to life out of fear.

507
00:42:17.860 --> 00:42:21.940
Both your soul or your body will stop responding to life out of fear because

508
00:42:21.940 --> 00:42:25.580
there's no reason for it to be afraid if it has everything that it needs

509
00:42:25.900 --> 00:42:27.980
from your spirit and is never in lack.

510
00:42:29.060 --> 00:42:33.020
It never needs anything because your spirit is constantly always providing

511
00:42:33.500 --> 00:42:37.100
for any potential needs that it would have.

512
00:42:38.100 --> 00:42:43.180
So it ends up never needing it because before it needs it, the spirit is always

513
00:42:43.180 --> 00:42:46.780
making sure that it has, um, all of that in abundance.

514
00:42:47.220 --> 00:42:54.740
Um, so anyway, the way that you do that is by fully letting go of it, of your,

515
00:42:55.060 --> 00:43:03.780
of your body ever changing, uh, your, uh, fully emotionally let go of that strangle

516
00:43:03.780 --> 00:43:09.420
hold that you have on sickness, meaning like I want this to go away, you know,

517
00:43:09.420 --> 00:43:13.820
and fight in other words, stop fighting it internally, stop fighting it.

518
00:43:14.020 --> 00:43:16.460
I think I've mentioned this before, but I'm going to mention it again.

519
00:43:16.460 --> 00:43:19.180
I especially would mention it in the rest intensive that the most effective

520
00:43:19.180 --> 00:43:25.340
way to battle, um, evil or to battle the negative let's refer to it like that.

521
00:43:25.380 --> 00:43:30.460
Because if the negative feels like it's a much broader than evil, um, the

522
00:43:30.500 --> 00:43:35.540
fastest way and most effective way to battle the negative is not to face the

523
00:43:35.540 --> 00:43:41.820
negative and fight it, but rather to just neutralize the negative remove.

524
00:43:42.260 --> 00:43:47.300
And by neutralizing it, you're removing it, but you're removing it of its power.

525
00:43:49.060 --> 00:43:52.620
And, and, uh, so who cares if it's still in existence, if it doesn't

526
00:43:52.620 --> 00:43:54.580
have any power over you, right?

527
00:43:54.820 --> 00:43:56.540
So that's what it is that we want to do.

528
00:43:56.540 --> 00:44:01.780
So if you're, if you continue to be, to manifest a certain sickness or you have

529
00:44:01.780 --> 00:44:05.140
weight on you and your whole, and you've, you just currently are sitting there and

530
00:44:05.140 --> 00:44:09.660
you've got this weight on you and you don't want it, if you are internally

531
00:44:09.660 --> 00:44:13.500
battling it and like, I don't like this, I want to read, you know, I'm rejecting

532
00:44:13.500 --> 00:44:18.220
this or whatever your body is taking that rejection personally.

533
00:44:18.900 --> 00:44:21.340
It doesn't think that you're rejecting the fat.

534
00:44:21.580 --> 00:44:27.140
It's taking it as you rejecting it and it doesn't feel safe.

535
00:44:27.620 --> 00:44:29.220
So don't reject it anymore.

536
00:44:29.260 --> 00:44:32.060
Fully accept it, except the fat.

537
00:44:32.540 --> 00:44:34.500
I'm not talking about liking it.

538
00:44:35.380 --> 00:44:37.180
I'm not talking about approving of it.

539
00:44:37.580 --> 00:44:43.180
I'm saying be a good and gracious and kind King that gives it

540
00:44:43.180 --> 00:44:47.220
accommodation to exist in your world.

541
00:44:49.540 --> 00:44:55.220
And then your body will need it anymore and won't feel the rejection

542
00:44:55.220 --> 00:44:57.260
anymore, and we'll let it go.

543
00:44:58.420 --> 00:44:59.980
Same thing, you know, like I said, you're.

544
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:06.760
with emotions about stuff. Okay. So like I said, we got into all of that because I'm

545
00:45:06.760 --> 00:45:10.520
talking about, you know, the fact that God says that the most powerful and effective

546
00:45:10.520 --> 00:45:17.980
way to, to, for your soul and your body to come into alignment is if you fully accept

547
00:45:17.980 --> 00:45:26.440
it is for it to experience him. So give, and your spirit is one with him, right? So your

548
00:45:26.440 --> 00:45:35.060
spirit needs to give your soul and your body an experience of God by being for it. Everything

549
00:45:35.060 --> 00:45:41.280
that God says that he is for us, be the provider, your soul. I mean, your spirit needs to be

550
00:45:41.280 --> 00:45:48.720
the provider for, and the protector for your soul and your body by fully loving, accepting

551
00:45:48.720 --> 00:45:57.160
for it, just as it is unconditionally without ever requiring it. And by that, I mean, emotionally

552
00:45:57.160 --> 00:46:03.720
by ever emotionally or intentionally, you know, by that, by that are our freewill decision

553
00:46:03.720 --> 00:46:10.280
by our freewill decision and releasing it at the odd of any obligation to change. Basically

554
00:46:10.280 --> 00:46:13.520
you're doing with your soul and your body. What we're doing with the Lord in faith is

555
00:46:13.520 --> 00:46:23.600
we're not holding anything against them. If they don't act like what the way we want

556
00:46:23.600 --> 00:46:33.760
them to act, we don't reject our body or get onto it or, or our soul. We don't reject it

557
00:46:33.760 --> 00:46:44.520
Emotionally and push it away and abandon it and fight it. Russell if it, if we don't

558
00:46:44.520 --> 00:46:49.920
get the outcome that we want, we don't reject it. It's the same thing that we have with

559
00:46:49.920 --> 00:46:55.200
the Lord. We don't want to reject him because we don't get a specific outcome. It's the

560
00:46:55.200 --> 00:46:58.720
same thing with our soul and our body. That is how you unconditionally love and accept

561
00:46:58.720 --> 00:47:05.680
yourself. Is it hard? Yes, but it's only as hard as making the decision. You don't

562
00:47:05.680 --> 00:47:12.040
have to worry about your, uh, about your feelings or your, or the logic and that it doesn't

563
00:47:12.040 --> 00:47:20.120
make sense and that you don't feel like it make the decision. When I talk about emotionally,

564
00:47:20.120 --> 00:47:28.600
release them from emotionally released your body or in your soul from, uh, from an obligation.

565
00:47:29.480 --> 00:47:45.000
Um, what I, what I met was stop, stop rejecting it and holding, um, and, um, basically fighting

566
00:47:45.000 --> 00:47:53.080
it and holding something against it. When you make a willful and intentional decision

567
00:47:53.080 --> 00:48:01.720
against it, you will emotionally release it. Um, yeah, it's okay. I didn't want that

568
00:48:01.720 --> 00:48:07.160
to be confusing. So hopefully that helped clarify it. Uh, okay. Last thing that I wanted

569
00:48:07.160 --> 00:48:11.800
to explain about that before moving on is about this whole fear of correction and all

570
00:48:11.800 --> 00:48:20.760
of that and why we just don't, uh, why we're so gay, uh, are afraid of it, um, is remember

571
00:48:20.760 --> 00:48:29.640
that when you're providing that you need to provide this safety and the safe environment

572
00:48:29.640 --> 00:48:36.360
for your soul and your body in a specific way. Um, and, and not, okay.

573
00:48:38.520 --> 00:48:42.280
I think different way to put it. Okay. Let me explain it like this.

574
00:48:44.760 --> 00:48:49.240
If people feel like they're in danger, like say for instance, a child, if people feel,

575
00:48:49.400 --> 00:48:53.320
if a child feels like they're in danger, when a parent is telling them to do something,

576
00:48:53.320 --> 00:48:59.240
when a parent is correcting them or whatever, they have a difficult time hearing the parent

577
00:48:59.240 --> 00:49:03.000
and hearing what it is that they're supposed to do and how it is they're supposed to act.

578
00:49:04.040 --> 00:49:10.280
If they're, because they're so focused on the, on the danger that they feel that they're in.

579
00:49:12.200 --> 00:49:18.520
So they can try to memorize and hear the parent and memorize what the parent is telling them

580
00:49:18.600 --> 00:49:24.840
that they need to do, but it's not changing the child and who it is that they, that they, um,

581
00:49:24.840 --> 00:49:31.400
to act out of who it is that they are. They're just learning like a robot. Okay. Don't do that

582
00:49:31.400 --> 00:49:38.840
thing. I get punished. I just need to do these things instead. If, if so, if we are, if people

583
00:49:38.840 --> 00:49:45.400
are taught to, sorry, if people are in a situation in which they need to learn something, if they

584
00:49:45.400 --> 00:49:53.800
feel that they are in danger while they're trying to learn something, they can't truly learn it.

585
00:49:53.800 --> 00:49:59.480
They can try to memorize it, but they won't actually learn it. So it's the same thing with

586
00:49:59.480 --> 00:49:59.880
your soul.

587
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:07.280
your body. If you, if your soul and your body feel like they are in danger, when you're trying to get

588
00:50:07.280 --> 00:50:14.560
from you and that you're not safe, when you're trying to get it to, uh, you know, to come into

589
00:50:14.560 --> 00:50:20.400
alignment and invited into alignment and all of that, they will not do it because they're afraid.

590
00:50:20.400 --> 00:50:27.280
So what you're trying to do is you're trying to create a, a, uh, an environment in which they're

591
00:50:27.280 --> 00:50:33.920
safe so that they can actually learn and choose to adjust, choose to come into alignment.

592
00:50:35.680 --> 00:50:42.400
Uh, okay. So, um, one of the things that, so you need to, we need to accept two things fully

593
00:50:42.400 --> 00:50:51.760
ourselves and God, you do. Um, and I know that this is, um, this is an added element,

594
00:50:51.760 --> 00:50:58.320
but I wanted to bring this one in because what we're about to talk about is like how to actually

595
00:50:58.320 --> 00:51:03.840
fully accept ourselves in God. One of the steps that we need to do is we need to forgive. And

596
00:51:03.840 --> 00:51:10.400
here's why forgiveness is simply holding something against God or ourselves. It's sorry for

597
00:51:10.400 --> 00:51:16.880
forgiveness, meaning like, um, for forgiveness means releasing an accusation that we have against

598
00:51:16.880 --> 00:51:21.920
God or against ourselves. It's releasing something that we're holding against him or that we're

599
00:51:21.920 --> 00:51:27.920
holding against ourselves. So in order to fully accept God and to fully accept ourselves, we have

600
00:51:27.920 --> 00:51:34.400
to release those accusations against God and against ourselves. The first of all realized,

601
00:51:34.400 --> 00:51:38.160
you know, in this whole process of war of walking towards, um, eventually, um, you know,

602
00:51:38.160 --> 00:51:44.560
forgiving ourselves in, in talking about accepting ourselves, we need to realize that we have value

603
00:51:44.560 --> 00:51:49.680
and that God declares that we have value. We have to make that choice that it's true.

604
00:51:49.680 --> 00:51:56.160
And then if you make that choice, you're not, your whole life will change and start responding

605
00:51:56.160 --> 00:52:03.520
to the fact that you now know you have value and it will treat you like you have value. It is

606
00:52:03.520 --> 00:52:07.840
wild how that works. I have watched it happen over and over and over and over and over and over and

607
00:52:07.840 --> 00:52:15.440
over again in my own life and in other people's lives. Um, and I love this verse right here.

608
00:52:15.440 --> 00:52:21.680
You're ready. Isaiah 43, four, this is God talking to Israel. He says, because I love you,

609
00:52:22.480 --> 00:52:33.120
I will give people in exchange for your life. Talk about value. God says, I will give up

610
00:52:34.000 --> 00:52:39.680
and sacrifice other human beings. Yes, this is in the, all of the verbiage of the old cabinet,

611
00:52:39.680 --> 00:52:46.640
but still that value, that sense of value is still the same. God says, I will give up other people

612
00:52:48.000 --> 00:52:53.040
in exchange for your life. I will trade other people's lives for yours.

613
00:52:54.800 --> 00:53:00.880
You are that valuable that God says that he loves you so much. He will give people

614
00:53:00.880 --> 00:53:06.320
in exchange for your life. And this isn't trying to open it since the ops and

615
00:53:06.880 --> 00:53:11.920
the all theological question of like, wait a minute. So God doesn't let those people,

616
00:53:11.920 --> 00:53:16.320
but he was trying to make a point. And back then, back with Israel, you know, in the old cabinet,

617
00:53:16.320 --> 00:53:23.280
the way that he would do it is look, he had them wipe out men, women, and children

618
00:53:24.960 --> 00:53:29.520
in the land of Canaan. He said, wipe them out. Don't leave a single person alive.

619
00:53:31.280 --> 00:53:38.400
And so that because he wanted to give that land and all their stuff to Israel,

620
00:53:39.760 --> 00:53:45.200
do we not understand what that means? When he said, I want you to kill men, women, and children.

621
00:53:45.200 --> 00:53:52.560
You have back then, especially you had to physically stab a child through with a knife,

622
00:53:53.280 --> 00:54:00.000
with a sword, with a spear, with a, whatever God told them to do that. So yes, that's the old

623
00:54:00.000 --> 00:54:06.480
cabinet. It's really hard for us to accept, you know, it to kind of like process through and,

624
00:54:06.480 --> 00:54:11.200
and, and navigate through. But the reason that I want to mention that is I want to,

625
00:54:11.200 --> 00:54:17.920
I'm talking about this verse in light of what he called the Israelite, how he called the Israelites

626
00:54:17.920 --> 00:54:26.720
to live and what he required back then. He was literally sacrificing other people's lives

627
00:54:27.600 --> 00:54:36.000
in favor of his firstborn son. So back in that language, just, you know, but, you know, so I

628
00:54:36.000 --> 00:54:40.400
understand it's back in that old language, but under that old cabinet, but under the new cabinet,

629
00:54:40.400 --> 00:54:47.600
we can still receive that same sentiment. God was willing to sacrifice everything, including the life

630
00:54:47.600 --> 00:54:59.920
of his own firstborn son in exchange for your life. Jesus was dead for three days. Now his spirit

631
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.240
It was still in existence, but you know, he was in hell.

632
00:55:02.520 --> 00:55:03.280
He wasn't in heaven.

633
00:55:03.480 --> 00:55:05.960
I guess God says that he's just everywhere and all that good stuff,

634
00:55:06.000 --> 00:55:09.040
but it was in hell, not in heaven.

635
00:55:10.400 --> 00:55:19.120
God really, truly means it when he says you matter this much to me and I act on it.

636
00:55:20.600 --> 00:55:23.880
So that is how much value that we have.

637
00:55:24.520 --> 00:55:31.160
You have, if God will accept you to that degree, sacrificing his own son like

638
00:55:31.160 --> 00:55:36.320
that, while you hated him, you know, cause that's what God says in scripture.

639
00:55:36.320 --> 00:55:39.680
It says that, you know, he died for us while we hated him.

640
00:55:39.680 --> 00:55:44.520
And while it was our sin that killed him, what is sin?

641
00:55:44.520 --> 00:55:46.400
Sin is unbelief against God.

642
00:55:46.400 --> 00:55:47.480
It's not doing bad things.

643
00:55:47.520 --> 00:55:48.880
It's unbelief against God.

644
00:55:48.880 --> 00:55:55.600
We didn't believe God and our unbelief against God is what killed God in order

645
00:55:55.600 --> 00:56:01.720
to enable us who didn't believe God to be able to be unified with them.

646
00:56:02.120 --> 00:56:04.200
I mean, talk about mind blowing.

647
00:56:05.120 --> 00:56:06.600
That is how important that you are.

648
00:56:06.600 --> 00:56:07.880
So here's the point.

649
00:56:08.440 --> 00:56:13.920
If God can accept you to that degree in the middle of your sin, in the middle

650
00:56:13.920 --> 00:56:17.640
of you, rejecting him in the middle of your unbelief against him, killing

651
00:56:17.680 --> 00:56:23.200
him while he is allowing himself to be killed in order to restore this person

652
00:56:23.440 --> 00:56:27.080
who doesn't believe him to have the opportunity to be reunified with him.

653
00:56:27.440 --> 00:56:33.520
If he, if he does that, you have permission to fully receive and accept

654
00:56:33.520 --> 00:56:36.200
yourself in the middle of your sin.

655
00:56:37.120 --> 00:56:37.960
While you're sinning.

656
00:56:39.600 --> 00:56:43.280
Like in other words, your, your body and your soul are not currently perfect.

657
00:56:43.520 --> 00:56:46.280
They're not currently acting out perfect behavior.

658
00:56:47.120 --> 00:56:48.280
They're acting out of fear.

659
00:56:48.280 --> 00:56:50.000
They're acting out of their unbelief.

660
00:56:50.320 --> 00:56:56.520
You don't, you have full permission and an example by God himself

661
00:56:56.560 --> 00:56:58.160
and how he interacted with you.

662
00:56:58.440 --> 00:57:02.680
You have permission and the example of he himself to do the same thing with you.

663
00:57:03.120 --> 00:57:04.680
Fully love and accept yourself.

664
00:57:04.720 --> 00:57:06.560
You're not under some like obligation.

665
00:57:06.600 --> 00:57:06.800
Okay.

666
00:57:06.800 --> 00:57:10.640
Well, you know, I need to accept the good parts of me and the, and the perfect

667
00:57:10.640 --> 00:57:13.560
parts of me, but you know, according to scripture, you know, I need

668
00:57:13.560 --> 00:57:14.800
to reject all this other stuff.

669
00:57:14.800 --> 00:57:16.240
God says, no, I didn't.

670
00:57:18.840 --> 00:57:20.320
So you don't have to either.

671
00:57:21.120 --> 00:57:23.920
If God is perfect and God is more perfect than us.

672
00:57:23.960 --> 00:57:25.760
And that is how God interacted with us.

673
00:57:26.000 --> 00:57:30.000
We have full blown permission to fully accept ourselves.

674
00:57:30.960 --> 00:57:35.960
Completely all of ourselves as we are, you know, meaning all aspects of

675
00:57:35.960 --> 00:57:42.680
ourselves as we are in our current condition, and this is, and I mean, we're

676
00:57:42.680 --> 00:57:44.680
having it better off than God did back then.

677
00:57:44.960 --> 00:57:47.200
Because back then we were not perfect.

678
00:57:47.360 --> 00:57:48.480
Our spirits were not perfect.

679
00:57:48.480 --> 00:57:49.760
Our spirits were not alive.

680
00:57:50.120 --> 00:57:51.960
Now our spirit is perfect.

681
00:57:51.960 --> 00:57:54.840
It's our body and soul that are, and that's our place of identity.

682
00:57:54.840 --> 00:57:55.840
We're already one with Christ.

683
00:57:55.840 --> 00:57:58.840
And God's just like, Hey, look, I accepted all of you when your spirit

684
00:57:58.840 --> 00:58:00.320
wasn't even alive and United with me.

685
00:58:00.320 --> 00:58:00.720
Okay.

686
00:58:00.920 --> 00:58:06.600
So, so if I can do that, if I can fully accept you while you are flat out in the

687
00:58:06.600 --> 00:58:08.360
middle of sin, while you are dead.

688
00:58:08.880 --> 00:58:14.120
In your sin, you can fully accept yourself when your identity in me is

689
00:58:14.120 --> 00:58:15.760
already fully connected with me.

690
00:58:15.760 --> 00:58:17.000
You're already perfect.

691
00:58:17.040 --> 00:58:18.040
You're already one.

692
00:58:18.680 --> 00:58:20.320
You don't ever lose connection with me.

693
00:58:21.120 --> 00:58:26.680
And your soul and your body are already, are already, um, uh, are already.

694
00:58:27.080 --> 00:58:28.400
How do, how do I explain it?

695
00:58:28.400 --> 00:58:28.920
They're good.

696
00:58:28.920 --> 00:58:29.400
They're perfect.

697
00:58:30.040 --> 00:58:30.800
They're restored.

698
00:58:30.960 --> 00:58:32.200
They're just don't know it.

699
00:58:32.200 --> 00:58:33.880
And they're just not acting like it.

700
00:58:34.120 --> 00:58:35.680
You can fully accept yourself.

701
00:58:36.520 --> 00:58:37.800
You have permission.

702
00:58:38.560 --> 00:58:42.800
So, and he gave, and you have, and we know we have permission, not just

703
00:58:42.800 --> 00:58:47.520
because God said, but he actually walked it out in example, he did it for us.

704
00:58:47.680 --> 00:58:54.640
First, if God who is perfect, who does not sin can do that, you can do it and

705
00:58:54.640 --> 00:59:00.880
not have to be worried that will, maybe this is wrong, it's not God, unless God

706
00:59:00.880 --> 00:59:05.120
does wrong things, because God is the one who did it first, it's not wrong.

707
00:59:06.120 --> 00:59:10.280
Um, okay.

708
00:59:10.280 --> 00:59:12.360
Do I want to mention that next one?

709
00:59:12.360 --> 00:59:15.720
That's just kind of, okay.

710
00:59:15.720 --> 00:59:16.880
Well, I do want to mention this one.

711
00:59:16.920 --> 00:59:17.320
Okay.

712
00:59:18.160 --> 00:59:21.600
So I'm going to mention something about, uh, well, okay.

713
00:59:21.600 --> 00:59:22.600
Let me mention it in a minute.

714
00:59:23.120 --> 00:59:27.680
So you, first of all, you need to just kind of let go, stop fighting yourself.

715
00:59:28.120 --> 00:59:30.040
Stop battling all these parts of you or whatever.

716
00:59:30.560 --> 00:59:34.920
Don't worry by the way that, oh, well, if I don't, if I don't battle this part

717
00:59:34.960 --> 00:59:38.880
of me, and if I accept it, then I'm approving of it and the body's going to

718
00:59:38.880 --> 00:59:42.440
keep it or my, um, or my soul's going to keep it.

719
00:59:42.440 --> 00:59:43.560
It won't remember.

720
00:59:43.560 --> 00:59:47.040
We've already talked through that, that your soul and your body are going to

721
00:59:47.040 --> 00:59:49.640
adjust to it's setting a reset button.

722
00:59:49.880 --> 00:59:51.760
They already know what it is that they need to do.

723
00:59:51.760 --> 00:59:55.160
Now it might take time because your soul and your body have had a long

724
00:59:55.160 --> 00:59:56.960
history of believing something else.

725
00:59:57.720 --> 00:59:59.960
And so it's going to take a bit for them to.

726
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.360
realize that you're serious, that you really are giving it new instruction and that the spirit

727
01:00:05.360 --> 01:00:10.320
really can be depended on to be safe spirit, meaning your spirit really can be depended on

728
01:00:10.320 --> 01:00:15.040
to be safe. And it'll take a little bit to adjust the way it doesn't fall off overnight.

729
01:00:15.600 --> 01:00:22.160
Technically I've heard of miracles where that has happened. I personally know of people that have.

730
01:00:23.120 --> 01:00:28.800
Right. That had prayed for that. I'm trying to remember if he prayed for it or if he,

731
01:00:28.800 --> 01:00:34.160
or if he, or if his friend did, but whatever it was, I have heard of miracles where literally

732
01:00:34.160 --> 01:00:40.480
fat starts pouring out of someone's pores onto the ground because they were prayed for. And so

733
01:00:40.480 --> 01:00:46.320
the way it literally left them as physical fat dropping onto the floor in globs and people had

734
01:00:46.320 --> 01:00:53.680
to clean it up out of the carpet. Isn't that crazy anyway. And yes, I had direct connection

735
01:00:53.680 --> 01:01:01.120
to people that like saw all of this. So this isn't like, this isn't this, this is dependable

736
01:01:01.120 --> 01:01:08.080
information. I mean, so yes, can God do stuff like that? Absolutely. But, um, but the thing

737
01:01:08.080 --> 01:01:13.920
is that usually that's not usually our healing process takes on a bit of a different form.

738
01:01:13.920 --> 01:01:17.280
So just FYI, you know, your soul and your body won't do something overnight. So you don't get

739
01:01:17.280 --> 01:01:22.480
upset at it. If you get it, if you tell it, it's okay. You fully accept it. And then it acts out

740
01:01:22.480 --> 01:01:26.400
and then you get onto it again. And then you reject it again. It's going, see, I knew you

741
01:01:26.400 --> 01:01:30.000
weren't safe. I knew you were just saying it because you felt like it was a good day,

742
01:01:30.720 --> 01:01:36.800
but now it was a bad day. Can't trust you on a bad day, you know, fully, fully choose and say,

743
01:01:36.800 --> 01:01:43.200
no, no, no, no. I'm not requiring you to ever be different. I really do choose to receive you as

744
01:01:43.200 --> 01:01:50.400
you are anyway. Um, uh, so, so let go, stop fighting yourself and stop judging yourself.

745
01:01:50.400 --> 01:01:55.760
Stop declaring something about you to be good or bad. That's from the tree of the knowledge of good

746
01:01:55.760 --> 01:02:02.240
and evil. Instead present the spirit, God's character through your spirit, have your spirit

747
01:02:02.240 --> 01:02:07.360
shine on those things. And anything that's not in alignment and in, in, in belief that you are who

748
01:02:07.360 --> 01:02:13.280
God says you are, it just needs to be adjusted and come into alignment. Stop judging it and,

749
01:02:13.280 --> 01:02:18.000
and identify yourself in different aspects of yourself is good or bad.

750
01:02:18.960 --> 01:02:23.760
Bring those things and just into alignment, come into come to agreement and belief with the Lord.

751
01:02:23.760 --> 01:02:36.560
Um, uh, uh, Ed tells this story of, um, when he was, uh, traveling, I think he was somewhere in

752
01:02:36.560 --> 01:02:41.520
South Africa. He was, he was traveling with some friends and he was just looking out the window

753
01:02:41.520 --> 01:02:46.000
and thinking by himself. And I think he was thinking something about his past or.

754
01:02:46.960 --> 01:02:50.560
I don't know. He was just contemplating something with the Lord. I wish he was here. He went out

755
01:02:50.560 --> 01:02:55.520
working out, um, right now. So, um, I don't, uh, so he's not here for me to ask her to have him

756
01:02:55.520 --> 01:03:00.080
tell you the story, which I wish he were that. So I'm having to remember off the top of my head,

757
01:03:01.120 --> 01:03:03.440
but basically he was talking to the Lord about something.

758
01:03:03.440 --> 01:03:09.440
And I think he remembers something about his, his past and the Lord, you know, when he was a kid

759
01:03:09.440 --> 01:03:16.000
and the Lord pointed to that kid, you know, it like in his, in, in Ed's mind's eye,

760
01:03:16.640 --> 01:03:20.400
the Lord pointed to him and he said, Ed, someone needs to love that kid.

761
01:03:21.680 --> 01:03:27.920
Because Ed was having a difficult time accepting that part of himself, accepting that, that,

762
01:03:28.800 --> 01:03:35.600
that kid back then he was struggling or whatever was going on. He had a difficult time and God

763
01:03:35.600 --> 01:03:46.720
told him, he said, Ed, someone needs to love that kid. So you love you, you I'm calling you

764
01:03:46.720 --> 01:03:51.840
to love that kid. So that's what I would encourage you with. Someone needs to,

765
01:03:53.040 --> 01:03:57.920
you need to be accepted. You are valuable to the Lord. Remember, because I love you,

766
01:03:57.920 --> 01:04:04.640
I will give people in exchange for your life. You are valuable. Someone needs to acknowledge

767
01:04:04.640 --> 01:04:12.720
that value and needs to fully, and we need to provide a space and a place and a reality in which

768
01:04:13.680 --> 01:04:20.080
that value is fully X is fully acknowledged, accepted and enjoyed.

769
01:04:21.440 --> 01:04:25.360
So part of what we'll be talking about next time is enjoying you.

770
01:04:27.360 --> 01:04:30.400
But right now we need to fully accept you first.

771
01:04:31.040 --> 01:04:38.160
And then, okay, so the next thing that I wanted to, so just something I wanted to mention just

772
01:04:38.160 --> 01:04:42.960
really quick, a lot of times what we'll do is we reject parts of ourselves when we compare

773
01:04:42.960 --> 01:04:52.240
ourselves to other people. But comparison is like deconstructionism. Deconstructionism

774
01:04:52.240 --> 01:04:59.840
is a theory that something has value strictly because it's not.

775
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:07.040
something else. So basically deconstructionism theory is that everything has an existence

776
01:05:08.080 --> 01:05:18.320
because it's everything is identified by what it isn't. Case in point like A is A

777
01:05:19.600 --> 01:05:25.200
and how do we know that it's A? Well because it's not B and it's not C either and it's not D.

778
01:05:26.160 --> 01:05:33.680
So that's how we know it's A. That is awful. No wonder it's deconstructing. It's a tearing down

779
01:05:34.320 --> 01:05:42.000
of something having intrinsic value simply because it is the thing. It's trying to give it identity

780
01:05:42.000 --> 01:05:46.800
and quote unquote value simply because it's not these other things. So you have to have these

781
01:05:46.800 --> 01:05:51.040
other things in order to give this thing value because how do you know what it is

782
01:05:52.000 --> 01:05:58.720
unless you know what it isn't? That is awful and we need to get that lie of comparison,

783
01:05:59.280 --> 01:06:07.280
of valuing ourselves out of our heads and out of our hearts by valuing ourselves based off of how

784
01:06:07.280 --> 01:06:16.240
we are measuring up to some standard outside of who it is that we are in Christ. And when I say

785
01:06:16.240 --> 01:06:19.520
who it is that we are in Christ because you can say oh we need to compare ourselves to the standard

786
01:06:19.920 --> 01:06:25.440
of Christ. Remember you are Christ meaning that you no longer live. Christ lives within you. You

787
01:06:25.440 --> 01:06:34.240
are one with Christ. Yes you are a unique being. Correct. But you are so one that it's hard to

788
01:06:35.120 --> 01:06:41.680
that you can't really distinguish or separate at any one time the point at which you're unique

789
01:06:41.680 --> 01:06:48.400
or you're one with Christ. Meaning you're unique or you're Christ. It's too closely integrated in

790
01:06:48.400 --> 01:06:53.360
such a way that we always have a difficult time explaining it to like in Sunday school to kids or

791
01:06:53.360 --> 01:06:59.600
whatever you know because it's the same reason why it's difficult to describe the Trinity. Well

792
01:06:59.600 --> 01:07:03.840
they're three but they're one. They're three but they're one. You know it's the same thing you know

793
01:07:03.840 --> 01:07:13.360
here with this as well is you are Christ. Christ is living through you in you. You are of him.

794
01:07:13.360 --> 01:07:22.880
You're one with him. You have a uniqueness but also you know it's when you live it says that

795
01:07:22.880 --> 01:07:32.640
Christ is living through you in you with you etc right. You have a unique and intrinsic value for

796
01:07:32.720 --> 01:07:41.200
who you are and you already are Christ. You're everything as he is so are we in this world

797
01:07:42.240 --> 01:07:53.520
as he is. So you already have value and that is what and so in a manner of speaking you're already

798
01:07:53.520 --> 01:07:58.240
one with this thing that we keep trying to separate ourselves from is the standard we're

799
01:07:58.240 --> 01:08:05.520
supposed to be like and to reach. You already are that. You don't have to reach it or be or

800
01:08:05.520 --> 01:08:14.720
adjust yourself to be like it. You are it already. You are the standard for yourself

801
01:08:14.720 --> 01:08:22.000
that you need to be reaching to be what we're trying to do different. In other words the way

802
01:08:23.200 --> 01:08:27.040
we're not living like that right now simply because not because we need to reach to a

803
01:08:27.040 --> 01:08:32.720
standard that we just need to like move up to. No no we're stifling who it is that we are and we

804
01:08:32.720 --> 01:08:36.640
need to remove all of these hindrances and all these layers so that the standard of who it is

805
01:08:36.640 --> 01:08:42.319
that we are comes out. Not that we need to work our not that we're not quite up to snuff yet and

806
01:08:42.319 --> 01:08:48.240
quite up to standard and we need to work ourselves up. No no we already are it okay. So you already

807
01:08:48.240 --> 01:08:56.080
have an intrinsic value because you are you not because and that needs to be enough

808
01:08:56.880 --> 01:09:03.120
as opposed to discerning and deciphering that we're enough based off of how we're measuring to

809
01:09:03.120 --> 01:09:07.439
well how does this woman operate and how does this man operate and how does this Christian

810
01:09:07.439 --> 01:09:12.240
operate and how does this minister operate and how does this business person operate and how do I

811
01:09:12.240 --> 01:09:19.279
interact how do I operate compared to them or any other standard that we have of like trying

812
01:09:19.279 --> 01:09:22.640
to measure ourselves and making sure that we're okay or we're good enough or we're doing the right

813
01:09:22.640 --> 01:09:32.560
things right. Don't create a value system or an a a standard of acceptance for yourself

814
01:09:33.439 --> 01:09:40.080
and of yourself and who you are based off of something of a standard outside of you.

815
01:09:40.960 --> 01:09:49.920
Well I know who I am and how good that I am based off of how I'm comparing to so-and-so

816
01:09:50.479 --> 01:09:58.320
or so-and-so or the or business person or a minister or you know whatever you know or a

817
01:09:58.320 --> 01:10:05.520
homemaker or whatever it is that I'm comparing myself to and I know who I am and how good that I

818
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.840
or whatever else it is that we have in our lives that we're trying to,

819
01:10:04.080 --> 01:10:09.240
trying to make sure that we're good enough in, um, yeah.

820
01:10:09.720 --> 01:10:11.440
So, uh, okay.

821
01:10:11.440 --> 01:10:16.160
So here is an exit area is a practice that you can do, um,

822
01:10:16.600 --> 01:10:22.840
uh, to help teach yourself to not, to help practice, not judging yourself.

823
01:10:22.840 --> 01:10:27.560
That's what I'm trying to say, to come face to face with things that come up and

824
01:10:27.560 --> 01:10:32.760
out of you and to fully accept you and not judge you.

825
01:10:33.280 --> 01:10:37.720
And that is to basically not judge your thoughts.

826
01:10:38.280 --> 01:10:41.960
You can go through a, an intentional time of doing this, where you sit,

827
01:10:42.000 --> 01:10:44.480
set aside for, again, do the whole five minute, you know,

828
01:10:44.480 --> 01:10:46.600
time or whatever, sit, sit in a place.

829
01:10:46.640 --> 01:10:49.720
And in a time that you will not be, um, uh,

830
01:10:49.760 --> 01:10:53.800
distracted and or interrupted just for those five minutes.

831
01:10:54.160 --> 01:10:59.480
And you sit and, and basically you just, you meditate, you are,

832
01:10:59.520 --> 01:11:02.520
you quiet your mind, you know, and you just,

833
01:11:02.880 --> 01:11:08.760
and you just allow thoughts to come up and face those thoughts fully face them.

834
01:11:09.280 --> 01:11:11.960
They're going to be feelings that you feel about certain people.

835
01:11:11.960 --> 01:11:13.760
And some of them are going to feel, you know,

836
01:11:13.760 --> 01:11:16.120
some of the thoughts are going to be ugly, um,

837
01:11:16.160 --> 01:11:20.000
things that you feel about yourself, things that, um, uh,

838
01:11:20.040 --> 01:11:23.520
concerns that you have about the future concerns that you have about like right

839
01:11:23.520 --> 01:11:24.920
now, I don't know, just whatever.

840
01:11:25.360 --> 01:11:28.440
Some of the thoughts are going to be pleasant and some of the thoughts are

841
01:11:28.440 --> 01:11:31.320
going to be ugly. Don't judge any of them. In other words,

842
01:11:31.320 --> 01:11:36.080
don't declare any of them to be right or wrong.

843
01:11:38.000 --> 01:11:42.080
Just fully, just basically see them all as neutral.

844
01:11:42.240 --> 01:11:46.120
Don't even judge yourself as being good because you have this good thought that

845
01:11:46.120 --> 01:11:48.560
you had, Oh, you know what? That was really selfless.

846
01:11:49.120 --> 01:11:52.840
That was really humble or that was like God or that was whatever.

847
01:11:52.840 --> 01:11:57.600
Don't don't emotionally go up or down with

848
01:11:57.600 --> 01:12:00.360
your, uh, that's how you'll know by the way that you won't,

849
01:12:00.640 --> 01:12:02.880
that you are treating everything very neutral.

850
01:12:02.880 --> 01:12:05.800
And you're not judging is if your emotions don't go up and down with,

851
01:12:06.160 --> 01:12:08.360
Oh, I feel good about myself. Oh, I feel bad about myself. Oh,

852
01:12:08.360 --> 01:12:10.080
I feel good about myself. I feel bad on myself.

853
01:12:10.080 --> 01:12:12.680
Based off of the thoughts that you're having now,

854
01:12:13.520 --> 01:12:16.960
everything should just be even kill. You should fully love and X.

855
01:12:17.120 --> 01:12:20.920
And so you're practicing fully accepting yourself by,

856
01:12:21.520 --> 01:12:26.000
by not judging your thoughts or yourself for having the

857
01:12:26.000 --> 01:12:30.680
thoughts. You can't do that by the way, by having a bad thought and pushing it

858
01:12:30.680 --> 01:12:34.800
away, that's denying it. And it's not facing it. That's stifling it,

859
01:12:34.800 --> 01:12:36.480
the shoving it under the rug. And that won't,

860
01:12:36.560 --> 01:12:39.040
that that's not actually neutralizing its power.

861
01:12:39.040 --> 01:12:43.320
It's making it more powerful because she showed you were afraid of it.

862
01:12:43.960 --> 01:12:46.720
There was nothing for a ruler and a King to be afraid of.

863
01:12:47.120 --> 01:12:52.120
So just fully acknowledge all of those thoughts and that,

864
01:12:52.360 --> 01:12:55.720
that you have those thoughts and don't judge yourself or feel bad about

865
01:12:55.720 --> 01:12:59.280
yourself or identify yourself by the fact that you had those thoughts.

866
01:13:02.200 --> 01:13:05.720
Let's see here. Okay. So part,

867
01:13:06.120 --> 01:13:09.400
so in fully accepting us and God,

868
01:13:09.560 --> 01:13:11.120
that's one of the things that we have to do.

869
01:13:11.640 --> 01:13:15.480
Cause remember this whole program is about God and us.

870
01:13:15.920 --> 01:13:20.360
We need to forgive and let go of any accusation that we're holding against God

871
01:13:20.360 --> 01:13:24.000
or anything that we're holding against ourselves, any rejection.

872
01:13:25.000 --> 01:13:29.280
That we, of us, of any way in which we're rejecting God,

873
01:13:29.280 --> 01:13:34.400
any way in which we're rejecting ourselves. So we need to forgive us in the Lord.

874
01:13:34.400 --> 01:13:36.920
We need to let go. We need to remove that accusation.

875
01:13:36.920 --> 01:13:38.040
That's what forgiveness is,

876
01:13:38.040 --> 01:13:42.520
is it's no longer holding this accusation against God

877
01:13:43.040 --> 01:13:45.920
or against ourselves or, you know, against other people,

878
01:13:45.920 --> 01:13:47.760
but we're not talking about forgiving other people right now.

879
01:13:47.760 --> 01:13:51.440
We're just talking about forgiving us and God. It is very hard.

880
01:13:51.680 --> 01:13:53.400
It depends on

881
01:13:55.760 --> 01:13:58.040
it's very hard to do either one of these.

882
01:13:58.440 --> 01:14:02.000
It is easier to forgive other people than it is to forgive God or to forgive

883
01:14:02.000 --> 01:14:02.840
yourself.

884
01:14:04.920 --> 01:14:07.000
I just find that very interesting, but it is,

885
01:14:07.040 --> 01:14:10.040
it is hard to forgive yourself and it is hard to forgive God. In other words,

886
01:14:10.040 --> 01:14:14.120
to release him of any obligation towards you because he allowed something to

887
01:14:14.120 --> 01:14:14.960
happen

888
01:14:16.960 --> 01:14:20.520
or to reconcile something or explain something to you or whatever,

889
01:14:20.520 --> 01:14:24.760
you let him off the hook of ever having to explain anything to you

890
01:14:25.720 --> 01:14:29.800
or helping you understand or, you know,

891
01:14:30.040 --> 01:14:34.200
fixing it or whatever. And the same thing with you,

892
01:14:34.520 --> 01:14:35.080
that you don't,

893
01:14:35.080 --> 01:14:39.880
you no longer require something of you that you are

894
01:14:39.880 --> 01:14:43.600
not, you no longer hold a specific

895
01:14:45.280 --> 01:14:46.720
yourself to a specific.

896
01:14:49.080 --> 01:14:49.920
Where do I put that?

897
01:14:58.720 --> 01:14:59.920
Well, I can't think of how to.

898
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:03.840
I had a word, what I was trying to word right there.

899
01:15:03.840 --> 01:15:07.640
So maybe I'll, maybe I'll think of it in a minute.

900
01:15:07.640 --> 01:15:11.540
And we just want to let go and release all of those things because we're, we're actively

901
01:15:11.540 --> 01:15:18.940
holding those things against, you know, ourselves and God, it's an active thing that we're doing.

902
01:15:18.940 --> 01:15:25.320
This is not something that we're, because we're doing it unconsciously that, oh, it

903
01:15:25.320 --> 01:15:26.320
doesn't take any effort.

904
01:15:26.320 --> 01:15:29.520
No, all of this is taking a lot of effort.

905
01:15:29.520 --> 01:15:31.760
Sin always takes a lot of effort.

906
01:15:31.760 --> 01:15:35.040
We don't realize that we think that sin is our default state.

907
01:15:35.040 --> 01:15:37.400
It's not our default state is perfection.

908
01:15:37.400 --> 01:15:40.040
Sin is very hard to maintain.

909
01:15:40.040 --> 01:15:43.480
So when we are, we're just, we're just in the habit of doing it.

910
01:15:43.480 --> 01:15:46.040
So we think that it's easy.

911
01:15:46.040 --> 01:15:47.980
No, it's just habit.

912
01:15:47.980 --> 01:15:50.680
We're just used to it, but it's not normal.

913
01:15:50.680 --> 01:15:53.920
It is not natural and it is not easy.

914
01:15:53.920 --> 01:16:01.960
So all we have to do is stop exerting all of the efforts in rejection and against God

915
01:16:01.960 --> 01:16:04.400
and against ourselves.

916
01:16:04.400 --> 01:16:11.260
So also any judgments towards parts of yourself, create a fracture in which you're trying to

917
01:16:11.260 --> 01:16:16.400
disassociate from that part of you that did all those things, you know, something that

918
01:16:16.400 --> 01:16:20.320
maybe, maybe how you used to be in the past, or, you know, one of you is bringing up, you

919
01:16:20.320 --> 01:16:24.520
know, how you used to interact with your, how you used to raise your child when they

920
01:16:24.520 --> 01:16:25.520
were very young.

921
01:16:25.520 --> 01:16:28.960
You know, now, you know, you regret that and wish you hadn't done that, you know, there's

922
01:16:28.960 --> 01:16:35.080
parts of ourselves that we've actually rejected and we disassociate from.

923
01:16:35.080 --> 01:16:39.360
We don't like, we don't like that person because I don't want to be that person.

924
01:16:39.360 --> 01:16:44.120
So we think if we reject it, we won't be like them, but it's the opposite.

925
01:16:44.120 --> 01:16:48.840
It's not until you fully accept and reintegrate all the parts of yourself that you've written

926
01:16:48.840 --> 01:16:54.600
in and fully accept yourself into wholeness again, that you can actually heal and not

927
01:16:54.600 --> 01:16:57.480
be those things by rejecting them.

928
01:16:57.480 --> 01:17:00.840
You're actually giving them time and attention and empowering them.

929
01:17:00.840 --> 01:17:05.480
You're feeding them and it's making them stronger and it makes you more likely to continue that

930
01:17:05.480 --> 01:17:07.520
thing and to be that thing.

931
01:17:07.520 --> 01:17:13.680
So the way to heal and to let it all go is to fill in and to heal those parts of you

932
01:17:13.680 --> 01:17:18.240
and to, so that those parts of you change and transform and become more like Christ

933
01:17:18.240 --> 01:17:23.840
is by re right by reassociating yourself with all of those different parts of you that did

934
01:17:23.840 --> 01:17:28.800
those things that acted that way, that said those things or that are currently doing or

935
01:17:28.800 --> 01:17:33.360
acting or saying all of those things that as an example, because we keep talking about

936
01:17:33.360 --> 01:17:41.040
it that gained all of that weight or that is continuing to gain weight or that is stressful

937
01:17:41.120 --> 01:17:42.320
or that is stressed.

938
01:17:42.320 --> 01:17:44.240
That is anxious.

939
01:17:44.240 --> 01:17:46.240
That is not believing in God.

940
01:17:46.240 --> 01:17:53.520
That is I don't know that you might be getting onto yourself and frustrated because you're

941
01:17:53.520 --> 01:17:55.600
like, I just can't, I just can't get it.

942
01:17:55.600 --> 01:17:58.720
You know, there's something, something or another you're like, I just can't get it,

943
01:17:59.280 --> 01:18:06.960
whatever it is that you have to or why is this taking so long for me to do X, Y, and

944
01:18:06.960 --> 01:18:11.200
Z or for me to learn X, Y, and Z for me to change an X, Y, and Z all those different

945
01:18:11.200 --> 01:18:11.680
parts to you.

946
01:18:11.680 --> 01:18:13.920
You have to fully love and accept.

947
01:18:14.640 --> 01:18:20.960
We're not saying approve of, we're just saying, except make room for allowed to be in your

948
01:18:20.960 --> 01:18:26.080
presence where you are gracious and kind to them.

949
01:18:26.080 --> 01:18:30.880
Being gracious and kind is not the same thing as being accepting of something, accepting

950
01:18:30.880 --> 01:18:36.000
and meaning like accepting something as good or labeling it or identifying it as okay.

951
01:18:36.000 --> 01:18:42.080
And whatever you're just, you are not, you're not rejecting it anymore so that that, which

952
01:18:42.080 --> 01:18:45.040
you're no longer rejecting can start falling away.

953
01:18:45.920 --> 01:18:46.880
And yeah.

954
01:18:47.520 --> 01:18:51.200
So let's see.

955
01:18:52.880 --> 01:18:53.200
Yeah.

956
01:18:53.200 --> 01:18:58.960
So it takes, so you need to accept all of those different parts of you that did that.

957
01:18:59.840 --> 01:19:05.440
The thing that fully that said that the person that was like that when you were little, you

958
01:19:05.440 --> 01:19:13.280
know, you're that young version of yourself, the you're on you in your unbelief, you in

959
01:19:13.280 --> 01:19:21.520
your eating too much, you, and you're doing this, you have to fully accept or face all

960
01:19:21.520 --> 01:19:25.360
those parts of you and accept that you were like that.

961
01:19:26.480 --> 01:19:33.360
Except you, the you that is making those decisions, the you that is that afraid, the you that

962
01:19:33.440 --> 01:19:40.800
is that messy, except you, you're not approving of the decisions that it's making and all

963
01:19:40.800 --> 01:19:47.840
of that fear and whatever, but fully accept the you that is making those decisions or

964
01:19:47.840 --> 01:19:49.520
that did make that decision.

965
01:19:50.400 --> 01:19:53.440
It doesn't mean you're bad that you made that decision.

966
01:19:53.440 --> 01:19:54.720
It means you were afraid.

967
01:19:55.440 --> 01:19:56.960
It means you didn't know.

968
01:19:56.960 --> 01:19:58.640
It means that you felt that you weren't safe.

969
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:05.680
You yourself who made that decision wasn't bad, you know, so it's full, so

970
01:20:05.680 --> 01:20:10.080
fully, so fully accept yourself to reintegrate yourself back into a

971
01:20:10.080 --> 01:20:12.320
whole, back to a whole person again.

972
01:20:13.080 --> 01:20:18.840
Um, so remember that very important to, to, to choose and to realize

973
01:20:19.280 --> 01:20:22.000
that it's safe to be a Christian.

974
01:20:24.040 --> 01:20:28.080
But you didn't expect me to say that if you're like me, it has

975
01:20:28.080 --> 01:20:29.760
not felt safe to be a Christian.

976
01:20:29.760 --> 01:20:31.520
It just felt like work.

977
01:20:31.880 --> 01:20:32.880
It felt scary.

978
01:20:33.480 --> 01:20:40.000
I always felt the threat of learning that, uh, learning something else bad about

979
01:20:40.000 --> 01:20:45.120
myself, um, learning that I was worse than I thought that I was, or felt that

980
01:20:45.120 --> 01:20:51.960
I was, or hoped that I was, or, um, that I could just expect correction and

981
01:20:51.960 --> 01:20:56.480
suffering and strife in life.

982
01:20:57.680 --> 01:20:58.720
It is safe.

983
01:20:59.960 --> 01:21:03.640
To be a Christian, it is safe to be a son of God.

984
01:21:04.240 --> 01:21:06.720
It is safe to be in him.

985
01:21:07.600 --> 01:21:08.160
That's safe.

986
01:21:08.480 --> 01:21:12.160
That is a very, very important truth to choose.

987
01:21:14.600 --> 01:21:16.640
Um, okay.

988
01:21:16.640 --> 01:21:22.720
So one of the things, and I've mentioned this before, when, uh, that, that

989
01:21:24.800 --> 01:21:29.640
evidence is the fact that we're holding something against the Lord that we need

990
01:21:29.640 --> 01:21:34.240
to stop and we need to let go of is if we are wanting God to pay for something,

991
01:21:34.760 --> 01:21:40.160
we're wanting him to fix it, or we're wanting him to make up for the fact that

992
01:21:40.160 --> 01:21:46.080
he did this thing over here, or he allowed it or whatever, or we want God to answer.

993
01:21:46.560 --> 01:21:50.320
Us and explain to us why he allowed it.

994
01:21:50.520 --> 01:21:52.440
God, you know, you can do whatever you want.

995
01:21:52.960 --> 01:21:55.920
I'll let it go, but I would just, I just want to understand.

996
01:21:57.080 --> 01:21:58.000
Don't even do that.

997
01:21:58.480 --> 01:22:02.720
God might reveal to you, you know, you know, the answer eventually or whatever,

998
01:22:03.200 --> 01:22:07.920
but no longer even holding hold against him.

999
01:22:08.720 --> 01:22:16.360
God give your, don't give yourself any foothold that you can grab and hold against

1000
01:22:16.360 --> 01:22:18.000
him, like, God, would you please help me?

1001
01:22:18.000 --> 01:22:24.280
And I understand why haven't you helped me understand, you know, or, um, or

1002
01:22:24.280 --> 01:22:25.960
require of him to write.

1003
01:22:25.960 --> 01:22:32.240
And another thing that we do is we require of him to reconcile for us, what

1004
01:22:32.240 --> 01:22:37.400
happened and how that can possibly have happened, but God says that he's good.

1005
01:22:38.400 --> 01:22:39.800
Or God says that he's love or whatever.

1006
01:22:39.800 --> 01:22:46.240
And we want to reconcile this and understand it before we'll do what God

1007
01:22:46.240 --> 01:22:50.320
wants us to do or feel safe with him or whatever we have to let go.

1008
01:22:50.320 --> 01:22:57.120
If not ever understanding it similar to that, um, uh, reminds me of that story.

1009
01:22:57.120 --> 01:23:01.160
I was telling y'all about earlier today about my friend who had gotten, um,

1010
01:23:01.560 --> 01:23:08.760
clear, you know, what she said was very clear information from the Lord, um,

1011
01:23:08.800 --> 01:23:13.160
about a promise that she said that God had told her that X, Y, and Z is going

1012
01:23:13.160 --> 01:23:17.840
to happen to Ashley and I thought the same thing, and she and I didn't know

1013
01:23:17.840 --> 01:23:21.200
that God had both, that we both felt that God was saying that that thing was

1014
01:23:21.200 --> 01:23:23.520
going to happen to me in my life.

1015
01:23:24.520 --> 01:23:27.560
And then it didn't, it didn't come into pass.

1016
01:23:27.760 --> 01:23:28.200
Right.

1017
01:23:28.880 --> 01:23:30.200
And, and we questioned it.

1018
01:23:30.200 --> 01:23:31.360
We're like, well, what is going on?

1019
01:23:31.840 --> 01:23:36.520
I had to, like I explained, you know, in, when I was telling all that story, I had

1020
01:23:36.520 --> 01:23:45.120
to just release understanding why God had said that, or that I thought that he'd

1021
01:23:45.160 --> 01:23:51.720
said that, but it didn't happen because that can cause me to question, because

1022
01:23:51.720 --> 01:23:55.760
one of the things that it can cause me to question is, okay, God, did I even hear

1023
01:23:55.760 --> 01:23:56.000
you?

1024
01:23:56.040 --> 01:23:59.200
So please just explain to me, Lord, you know, what was going on there?

1025
01:23:59.280 --> 01:24:00.120
I really need to know.

1026
01:24:00.160 --> 01:24:04.880
I really need to understand in order to be okay with the fact with you, with the

1027
01:24:04.880 --> 01:24:05.920
fact that it didn't happen.

1028
01:24:06.200 --> 01:24:07.320
I just need to understand it.

1029
01:24:07.520 --> 01:24:09.000
So did I miss you?

1030
01:24:09.360 --> 01:24:14.400
And so you always answer, you, you always, um, you always do what you say, what you

1031
01:24:14.400 --> 01:24:15.440
say that you're going to do.

1032
01:24:15.960 --> 01:24:20.600
But the reason that it didn't happen is because I just misunderstood you, you

1033
01:24:20.600 --> 01:24:26.000
know, and so, and we're like, okay, well that would reconcile it, you know, or

1034
01:24:26.040 --> 01:24:32.000
Lord, is it that I just, um, you know, that you actually meant it differently

1035
01:24:32.000 --> 01:24:35.440
than I thought that you did, or did you not actually say it, but I thought that

1036
01:24:35.440 --> 01:24:40.000
you did, uh, you know, we're, we're, we're trying to look for a way to reconcile

1037
01:24:40.000 --> 01:24:43.320
the fact that this didn't happen.

1038
01:24:43.920 --> 01:24:46.680
And will that, does that therefore, what does that therefore mean about

1039
01:24:46.680 --> 01:24:48.840
God, that he's a liar?

1040
01:24:49.640 --> 01:24:49.840
Okay.

1041
01:24:49.840 --> 01:24:53.440
Well, God, in order for me to know that you're not a liar, I need you to explain

1042
01:24:53.440 --> 01:24:54.160
this to me.

1043
01:24:54.480 --> 01:24:58.560
I need you to understand, you know, I need you to reconcile this for me.

1044
01:24:58.560 --> 01:25:00.040
So I don't make this mistake again.

1045
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:09.120
You know, I, I don't know how to be okay with you, Lord, unless I understand this over here.

1046
01:25:09.120 --> 01:25:13.480
Did I not, you know, how, how can this be true?

1047
01:25:13.480 --> 01:25:14.880
And this also be true.

1048
01:25:14.880 --> 01:25:16.740
You know, I had to give up one.

1049
01:25:16.740 --> 01:25:18.680
So which one was I going to give up?

1050
01:25:18.680 --> 01:25:25.300
I gave up my, my understanding, my requirement that I understand this over here.

1051
01:25:25.300 --> 01:25:28.260
In order to just choose, okay, this is what you're doing, Lord.

1052
01:25:28.260 --> 01:25:33.100
And I choose to fully accept that you are who you say that you are.

1053
01:25:33.100 --> 01:25:36.700
You always fulfill your word and you're always good.

1054
01:25:36.700 --> 01:25:38.260
And you're always provided for and protect me.

1055
01:25:38.260 --> 01:25:45.180
And you're always, you always give to me and pour out to me in abundance, Lord, this is

1056
01:25:45.180 --> 01:25:47.260
who I choose that you are.

1057
01:25:47.260 --> 01:25:55.220
And, and so I had to abandon the fact that I couldn't, even to this day, I have not reconciled

1058
01:25:55.220 --> 01:25:56.220
this.

1059
01:25:56.220 --> 01:26:01.380
This was a huge deal, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge.

1060
01:26:01.380 --> 01:26:10.020
I don't have words enough to explain how huge and impactful that this thing was in my life.

1061
01:26:10.020 --> 01:26:12.460
And it didn't happen or would have affected my life.

1062
01:26:12.460 --> 01:26:13.460
And it didn't happen.

1063
01:26:13.460 --> 01:26:16.660
I don't know how to explain how extreme it was.

1064
01:26:16.660 --> 01:26:25.260
And, um, so anyway, but I chose God over that thing happening and me understanding

1065
01:26:25.260 --> 01:26:33.020
how me getting, having these two experiences reconciles, I gave up them ever having to

1066
01:26:33.020 --> 01:26:34.020
reconcile.

1067
01:26:34.020 --> 01:26:39.500
And I just chose him to just continue to be who he was without me understanding, you know,

1068
01:26:39.500 --> 01:26:40.500
that's a really big thing.

1069
01:26:40.500 --> 01:26:44.020
That's one of the things that we have to have to let go of, because remember that forgiveness

1070
01:26:44.020 --> 01:26:46.620
is simply letting go.

1071
01:26:46.620 --> 01:26:51.780
Um, uh, okay.

1072
01:26:51.780 --> 01:27:00.260
Also sometimes it can be hard to forgive the Lord, because if you were like me, um, I,

1073
01:27:00.260 --> 01:27:06.220
I went through a time where I was so hurt by what it felt like God was doing to me or

1074
01:27:06.220 --> 01:27:12.420
allowing to happen in my life that I refused to forgive him.

1075
01:27:12.420 --> 01:27:16.540
Now I eventually forgave him, but for a while I refused to forgive him.

1076
01:27:16.540 --> 01:27:24.100
And I told him why I said, Lord, I refuse to let this go because it, it was very, very

1077
01:27:24.100 --> 01:27:28.100
important what didn't happen in my life.

1078
01:27:28.100 --> 01:27:30.300
And it wasn't this, it wasn't this thing that I was talking about.

1079
01:27:30.300 --> 01:27:33.860
This is long before any of this happened, it was about other stuff.

1080
01:27:33.860 --> 01:27:41.020
And I said, you know, I, I, you allow those things to happen.

1081
01:27:41.020 --> 01:27:43.140
And I don't understand.

1082
01:27:43.140 --> 01:27:47.460
And I need you to know that those things not happening or happening in my life, whatever

1083
01:27:47.460 --> 01:27:54.220
it was, all of these hurts, all of these pains Lord were, were, were significant.

1084
01:27:54.220 --> 01:27:56.020
They meant something.

1085
01:27:56.020 --> 01:28:01.420
And it feels more like releasing them and letting go of them and not holding you, not

1086
01:28:01.420 --> 01:28:06.180
continuing to hold them before you, or me at least holding onto them and remembering

1087
01:28:06.180 --> 01:28:07.180
them.

1088
01:28:07.180 --> 01:28:11.940
And, and basically holding bitterness in my heart is what it was giving a place for them

1089
01:28:11.940 --> 01:28:18.180
to sit and to stay for me to abandon them means that they don't mean anything meant

1090
01:28:18.180 --> 01:28:21.060
that they didn't mean anything.

1091
01:28:21.060 --> 01:28:30.340
So God, unless they're addressed, then in order to show that they did have value and

1092
01:28:30.340 --> 01:28:36.660
whatever, unless you explain to me or reconcile it or fix it or whatever, I'm going to hold

1093
01:28:36.660 --> 01:28:44.100
onto them and not let them go because letting them go would be being abandoning them to.

1094
01:28:44.100 --> 01:28:51.260
And as, and, and declaring over them, declaring that they were, were worthless, that they

1095
01:28:51.260 --> 01:28:57.420
were not important to me, that my feelings were not important.

1096
01:28:57.420 --> 01:29:01.740
That what happened to me was not as painful as it really was, you know, et cetera.

1097
01:29:01.740 --> 01:29:07.660
So that was something that stayed, that I, that, that kept me from forgiving God for

1098
01:29:07.660 --> 01:29:08.660
a while.

1099
01:29:08.660 --> 01:29:10.060
That's something I eventually let it go.

1100
01:29:10.060 --> 01:29:15.460
And when I did boom, everything in my life completely changed, but that's why I didn't

1101
01:29:15.460 --> 01:29:19.420
forgive him for a while for, for some things.

1102
01:29:19.420 --> 01:29:24.620
So all of those types of things can stand in the way of us forgiving the Lord and can

1103
01:29:24.620 --> 01:29:26.420
be things that we are.

1104
01:29:26.420 --> 01:29:30.020
If you're wondering whether or not you've got things, you need to forgive God before

1105
01:29:30.020 --> 01:29:34.660
hopefully those give you an indication of some signs that you're holding something against

1106
01:29:34.660 --> 01:29:39.260
the Lord is if you have these particular feelings or these thoughts or these, or that these

1107
01:29:39.260 --> 01:29:45.940
are part of your conversation with the Lord about like needing reconciliation about something

1108
01:29:45.940 --> 01:29:52.580
or needing to understand there's nothing wrong with, with under with understanding things.

1109
01:29:52.580 --> 01:29:59.580
The problem is if it is, if you're holding something against the Lord, because in other

1110
01:29:59.580 --> 01:29:59.940
words.

1111
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:08.320
If you're frustrated that God won't help you understand, or if you're afraid of moving

1112
01:30:08.320 --> 01:30:13.220
forward in life, because this thing wasn't reconciled.

1113
01:30:13.220 --> 01:30:17.900
And so you're too afraid to move forward because, Oh my goodness, what if it happens again?

1114
01:30:17.900 --> 01:30:19.760
How do I, you know, how do I avoid this pain?

1115
01:30:19.760 --> 01:30:20.760
How do I avoid this disappointment?

1116
01:30:20.760 --> 01:30:25.720
If I can't do it, that's a sign again, that you haven't made.

1117
01:30:25.720 --> 01:30:29.920
In other words, that you haven't moved on and that you haven't forgiven.

1118
01:30:29.920 --> 01:30:35.440
And stuff like that are indicative of that.

1119
01:30:35.440 --> 01:30:46.160
When another important thing is to, in thinking about forgiving the Lord, remember, he's not

1120
01:30:46.160 --> 01:30:49.320
afraid of you.

1121
01:30:49.320 --> 01:31:05.080
So don't, your pain and your hurt is important and it, and God is fully capable of, God is

1122
01:31:05.080 --> 01:31:13.820
fully capable of handling all of your emotions and your struggle and your wrestling.

1123
01:31:13.820 --> 01:31:17.980
So don't be afraid of you.

1124
01:31:17.980 --> 01:31:21.520
Don't be afraid of all the hurt and all of the pain and the process of letting things

1125
01:31:21.520 --> 01:31:22.520
go.

1126
01:31:22.520 --> 01:31:25.320
And in trying to forgive the word.

1127
01:31:25.320 --> 01:31:27.000
Yeah.

1128
01:31:27.000 --> 01:31:28.800
Okay.

1129
01:31:28.800 --> 01:31:33.240
So here are some practices that you can do.

1130
01:31:33.240 --> 01:31:40.880
And you don't have to do all of these, especially some of the smaller ones that I recommend

1131
01:31:40.880 --> 01:31:46.760
that you do some of them, especially the big ones, because they'll make a huge impact.

1132
01:31:46.760 --> 01:31:51.540
Meaning like do at least some of these, because in order to actually get the practice of doing

1133
01:31:51.540 --> 01:31:55.580
it, but you may not do all of them.

1134
01:31:55.580 --> 01:31:58.700
You may be feel like, oh, well, I don't resonate with that one because that one won't help.

1135
01:31:58.700 --> 01:32:01.300
Or this other one's like really helps.

1136
01:32:01.300 --> 01:32:06.660
So I don't need to do any of the others because I've done these, but so the first one is pick

1137
01:32:06.660 --> 01:32:12.220
something small that you need to forgive or you need to let go of, and then think of it.

1138
01:32:12.220 --> 01:32:14.140
So pick something kind of small and easy first.

1139
01:32:14.140 --> 01:32:18.600
And the point of this is to give yourself a win.

1140
01:32:18.600 --> 01:32:22.040
And so let's see here.

1141
01:32:22.040 --> 01:32:25.760
So pick something fun, easy, and then like something that hurts your feelings a little

1142
01:32:25.760 --> 01:32:28.600
bit and then move to bigger things later.

1143
01:32:28.600 --> 01:32:33.120
So in order to, so in the, again, the whole point of this is to first understand what

1144
01:32:33.120 --> 01:32:38.360
it feels like so that you know what you're aiming for when you need to do it for something

1145
01:32:38.360 --> 01:32:39.360
bigger.

1146
01:32:39.360 --> 01:32:42.880
And then you're wondering, did I forget or not, you know?

1147
01:32:42.900 --> 01:32:48.100
So think of it, my husband uses this, I got this example from him and he uses this to

1148
01:32:48.100 --> 01:32:51.460
explain to people and to walk people through the process of forgiveness.

1149
01:32:51.460 --> 01:32:55.220
And he's walked a lot of people through forgiveness and some really, really, really, really, really

1150
01:32:55.220 --> 01:32:56.220
big things.

1151
01:32:56.220 --> 01:32:59.460
And this is one of the exercises that he does.

1152
01:32:59.460 --> 01:33:03.280
He says that when he, in the spirit, what he can sometimes see with people, when they

1153
01:33:03.280 --> 01:33:08.100
have things that they need to forgive others for or themselves for the Lord for, is he

1154
01:33:08.100 --> 01:33:12.140
says he sees it like they have a whole bunch of rocks in their heart.

1155
01:33:12.400 --> 01:33:17.760
And so what he'll do is he'll say, you know, just kind of imagine that you were holding,

1156
01:33:17.760 --> 01:33:23.920
you're holding your heart or whatever, that has all of these rocks.

1157
01:33:23.920 --> 01:33:27.280
Or let me, let me put it like this, that you've got all, imagine that you have all these rocks

1158
01:33:27.280 --> 01:33:29.960
in your heart and you said, you kind of hold your hand out like this.

1159
01:33:29.960 --> 01:33:33.880
So my husband's back from the, from the gym and that, you know, hold your hand out like

1160
01:33:33.880 --> 01:33:34.880
this.

1161
01:33:34.880 --> 01:33:38.440
And he said, one at a time, start naming them before the Lord, Lord, and you take, and as

1162
01:33:38.440 --> 01:33:44.260
you name something that is really hurtful, take that rock out of your heart and put it

1163
01:33:44.260 --> 01:33:45.260
in your hand.

1164
01:33:45.260 --> 01:33:49.540
And then just do, and then just repeat that process for all of the things that you can

1165
01:33:49.540 --> 01:33:50.540
think of.

1166
01:33:50.540 --> 01:33:55.380
Be very intentionally engaging with this process when you do this, because just like, kind

1167
01:33:55.380 --> 01:33:59.180
of like naming it and hoping that something is going to happen and disengaging from all

1168
01:33:59.180 --> 01:34:05.780
of the pain and all of the, um, uh, and the, um, and the reality of what happened and how

1169
01:34:05.780 --> 01:34:10.620
it felt and what you've bought and what you currently feel is not going to help you forgive.

1170
01:34:10.620 --> 01:34:15.340
You have to intentionally face the thing in order to actually release it.

1171
01:34:15.340 --> 01:34:18.980
You can't, you can't just engage from the process and just hope that it just magically

1172
01:34:18.980 --> 01:34:21.960
is all happening because you're like waving a wand and.

1173
01:34:21.960 --> 01:34:24.500
You know, and, and you hope that it's going to happen.

1174
01:34:24.500 --> 01:34:29.860
Um, uh, and remember, we've been talking about that related to faith, that in order for faith

1175
01:34:29.860 --> 01:34:35.700
to truly be faith, you actually have to make the decision for it in light of reality and

1176
01:34:36.620 --> 01:34:40.940
really did happen and say, okay, God, I know that this happened, but you say that.

1177
01:34:40.940 --> 01:34:44.700
And then I would think, Lord, that the meaning of all of this means that you're not good.

1178
01:34:44.700 --> 01:34:46.820
You didn't fall through, follow through with me.

1179
01:34:46.820 --> 01:34:51.620
You did, but instead of the word I'm choosing in the light of this still happening, I'm

1180
01:34:51.620 --> 01:34:55.220
saying more that you're actually good, that you actually are who you say that you are.

1181
01:34:55.220 --> 01:34:59.740
It's the same thing with this intentionally engaged with this, don't deny the reality

1182
01:34:59.740 --> 01:34:59.740


1183
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:01.700
this thing happened.

1184
01:35:01.700 --> 01:35:03.580
And so take the rocks out of your hand,

1185
01:35:03.580 --> 01:35:06.060
out of your heart, one by one, name them.

1186
01:35:06.060 --> 01:35:08.100
And then what you do is you take them

1187
01:35:08.100 --> 01:35:11.140
and you offer them to the Lord.

1188
01:35:11.140 --> 01:35:16.020
And what I do and find that this is very useful is I,

1189
01:35:16.020 --> 01:35:18.140
well, let me actually ask my husband.

1190
01:35:18.140 --> 01:35:19.780
Sweetheart, you hear the exercise

1191
01:35:19.780 --> 01:35:21.020
and walking everyone through,

1192
01:35:21.020 --> 01:35:25.140
what is it that you do when you, with the rocks?

1193
01:35:25.140 --> 01:35:27.500
I was gonna tell him what I do and what helps me,

1194
01:35:27.560 --> 01:35:30.600
but what do you tell people to do with rocks?

1195
01:35:30.600 --> 01:35:32.920
Well, I put them in there in a cup.

1196
01:35:34.040 --> 01:35:35.860
Hey, everybody. Hello.

1197
01:35:35.860 --> 01:35:40.860
So yeah, you make a cup with like your less dominant hand,

1198
01:35:41.340 --> 01:35:43.380
and then you kind of walk through

1199
01:35:43.380 --> 01:35:45.580
and you name them specifically,

1200
01:35:45.580 --> 01:35:47.300
what it is that the person has done.

1201
01:35:47.300 --> 01:35:50.860
So as I told Ashley this before,

1202
01:35:50.860 --> 01:35:54.200
there was a time in my life where I saw,

1203
01:35:55.200 --> 01:35:57.880
there was this word that kept coming to my mind,

1204
01:35:57.880 --> 01:35:58.720
safe harbor.

1205
01:35:58.720 --> 01:36:00.680
Oh, that's right.

1206
01:36:00.680 --> 01:36:04.080
And the Lord was asking what I was harboring in my heart.

1207
01:36:04.080 --> 01:36:07.680
And so, and it was that tone that you kind of know,

1208
01:36:07.680 --> 01:36:11.320
like the Lord's like looking, he's after something.

1209
01:36:12.320 --> 01:36:14.340
And I'd known about this exercise,

1210
01:36:14.340 --> 01:36:19.340
but at some point I saw a boat and in the harbor

1211
01:36:19.560 --> 01:36:21.520
and that boat had someone's name on it.

1212
01:36:22.520 --> 01:36:26.960
And each of the, and it had a bunch of chains going down.

1213
01:36:26.960 --> 01:36:28.600
Each of them were anchors.

1214
01:36:28.600 --> 01:36:31.800
And on those chains were written down

1215
01:36:31.800 --> 01:36:33.900
all the things that person had done to me,

1216
01:36:35.000 --> 01:36:36.980
or whatever you want to put it.

1217
01:36:36.980 --> 01:36:40.020
And he said, Ed, saying you forgive someone

1218
01:36:40.020 --> 01:36:42.160
without forgiving what they've done to you

1219
01:36:42.160 --> 01:36:45.860
or the incidents that are the problem

1220
01:36:45.860 --> 01:36:48.000
is like telling this boat to sail out of the harbor

1221
01:36:48.000 --> 01:36:49.980
with all the anchors still in the ground.

1222
01:36:49.980 --> 01:36:54.940
And so for me, when I lead people through forgiveness,

1223
01:36:54.940 --> 01:36:57.180
it's really important that they speak aloud

1224
01:36:57.180 --> 01:37:01.060
the things that the person has done or that you've done,

1225
01:37:01.060 --> 01:37:05.360
or if it's burdens or whatever to be specific about,

1226
01:37:05.360 --> 01:37:10.360
like I forgive Joshua for, I don't know, whatever,

1227
01:37:12.840 --> 01:37:17.540
stepping on my toe or making fun of my shirt

1228
01:37:17.540 --> 01:37:19.560
or whatever it is that it is.

1229
01:37:20.420 --> 01:37:23.620
And then you may even notice,

1230
01:37:23.620 --> 01:37:26.260
I've noticed that if you're really tuned in,

1231
01:37:26.260 --> 01:37:28.420
your hand may sometimes actually get heavy.

1232
01:37:28.420 --> 01:37:31.340
So sometimes if I'm working with that person,

1233
01:37:31.340 --> 01:37:33.060
I'll hold my hand underneath them.

1234
01:37:33.060 --> 01:37:34.460
And then in 2 Peter says,

1235
01:37:34.460 --> 01:37:36.900
we cast all of our cares and concerns upon the Lord.

1236
01:37:36.900 --> 01:37:38.620
And then when you're done,

1237
01:37:39.700 --> 01:37:42.420
and don't be surprised if in the done,

1238
01:37:42.420 --> 01:37:44.300
like there's somebody else that comes up

1239
01:37:44.300 --> 01:37:45.860
and then something else that comes up.

1240
01:37:45.900 --> 01:37:46.740
You just sit there,

1241
01:37:46.740 --> 01:37:48.620
you don't search around the side of your soul.

1242
01:37:48.620 --> 01:37:50.420
You just wait for these things to come.

1243
01:37:50.420 --> 01:37:53.700
And then when you're done or there's the stopping point,

1244
01:37:53.700 --> 01:37:56.340
you lift up, you cast all your cares and concerns

1245
01:37:56.340 --> 01:37:58.700
upon the Lord and you kind of like,

1246
01:37:58.700 --> 01:38:01.980
some people just hold water, some people just brush it away.

1247
01:38:01.980 --> 01:38:05.660
And then of course, if there's unforgiveness,

1248
01:38:05.660 --> 01:38:06.780
we have to ask forgiveness

1249
01:38:06.780 --> 01:38:08.140
and we get ourselves right with God.

1250
01:38:08.140 --> 01:38:11.660
But then that is kind of like lightens the load.

1251
01:38:11.660 --> 01:38:13.540
And then we, of course, we asked to be cleansed

1252
01:38:13.540 --> 01:38:15.700
and whatever things you want to add in,

1253
01:38:15.700 --> 01:38:17.900
like if to be in the Holy Spirit

1254
01:38:17.900 --> 01:38:19.340
to come and fill these areas,

1255
01:38:20.460 --> 01:38:21.780
rivers and living water,

1256
01:38:21.780 --> 01:38:23.140
everybody's got their own way of doing it.

1257
01:38:23.140 --> 01:38:26.380
But that's kind of, that's how I made it personal for me.

1258
01:38:26.380 --> 01:38:28.140
And that's why I make it very specific

1259
01:38:28.140 --> 01:38:29.300
with dealing with other people.

1260
01:38:29.300 --> 01:38:31.820
And if you happen to, I don't want to take this,

1261
01:38:32.780 --> 01:38:33.980
this whole thing over.

1262
01:38:33.980 --> 01:38:35.420
This is helpful.

1263
01:38:35.420 --> 01:38:40.220
Is that if it's not me

1264
01:38:40.220 --> 01:38:42.060
and I'm walking someone else through it.

1265
01:38:42.060 --> 01:38:44.100
So if you're doing this with someone else,

1266
01:38:44.100 --> 01:38:45.260
because you feel like you need, I don't know,

1267
01:38:45.260 --> 01:38:47.660
some people feel like they need that extra horsepower

1268
01:38:47.660 --> 01:38:50.260
for somebody to help pray for them.

1269
01:38:50.260 --> 01:38:52.220
If it becomes something that's too personal,

1270
01:38:52.220 --> 01:38:53.340
don't skip it.

1271
01:38:54.220 --> 01:38:57.940
Just like, Lord, I forgive Larry for,

1272
01:38:57.940 --> 01:38:59.140
and then you just be quiet.

1273
01:38:59.140 --> 01:39:00.820
He'll know what it is, right?

1274
01:39:00.820 --> 01:39:04.020
But there's something about speaking these things out loud

1275
01:39:04.020 --> 01:39:05.460
that changes things if that helps.

1276
01:39:05.460 --> 01:39:06.780
So does that help?

1277
01:39:06.780 --> 01:39:08.020
Yes, thank you.

1278
01:39:08.020 --> 01:39:08.980
And one more thing.

1279
01:39:08.980 --> 01:39:10.980
I had already talked about that story

1280
01:39:10.980 --> 01:39:13.780
that I could only remember so much about.

1281
01:39:13.780 --> 01:39:15.220
So what we're talking about today

1282
01:39:15.220 --> 01:39:19.900
is about forgiving ourselves and forgiving God

1283
01:39:19.900 --> 01:39:22.660
and fully accepting ourselves and fully accepting God,

1284
01:39:22.660 --> 01:39:24.580
in light of all reality of all of the things

1285
01:39:24.580 --> 01:39:26.700
we have against us and against God, et cetera.

1286
01:39:26.700 --> 01:39:27.540
And then at the end,

1287
01:39:27.540 --> 01:39:28.500
we're now talking about releasing

1288
01:39:28.500 --> 01:39:30.140
all those things we have against us.

1289
01:39:30.140 --> 01:39:32.540
But originally I was telling them about the story

1290
01:39:32.540 --> 01:39:35.020
about where you fully accept yourself,

1291
01:39:35.020 --> 01:39:37.900
where God told you someone has to love that kid.

1292
01:39:37.900 --> 01:39:38.980
Could you give that story?

1293
01:39:38.980 --> 01:39:40.180
Because I just gave it very briefly,

1294
01:39:40.180 --> 01:39:41.020
I can't remember.

1295
01:39:41.020 --> 01:39:44.540
Yeah, so I'm really like,

1296
01:39:44.540 --> 01:39:48.660
I'm trying to lean over because the T-shirt I'm wearing

1297
01:39:48.660 --> 01:39:52.540
is to support a man who has, he does workout stuff.

1298
01:39:52.540 --> 01:39:55.660
And it doesn't have a very nice logo.

1299
01:39:55.660 --> 01:39:57.460
It's not profane or anything,

1300
01:39:57.460 --> 01:40:00.060
but it's like muscle and iron or something.

1301
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:00.300
Right.

1302
01:40:00.300 --> 01:40:01.800
And it's got, I don't even know what it's on.

1303
01:40:01.800 --> 01:40:02.280
It's on.

1304
01:40:02.440 --> 01:40:06.380
That's why I'm leaning over constantly because I'm like aware, like, I don't

1305
01:40:06.380 --> 01:40:09.960
know what this t-shirt says, but, uh, I just came back from the gym.

1306
01:40:10.280 --> 01:40:17.300
Um, you know, um, if I'm just being blunt, uh, in my life, I had all these

1307
01:40:17.300 --> 01:40:21.360
questions, God, why, you know, like I can hear, I used to say I was good this way.

1308
01:40:21.400 --> 01:40:25.560
Meaning this way I could hear for you, but I couldn't hear for me.

1309
01:40:25.560 --> 01:40:27.960
And I, I wanted to, you know, what is this stuff?

1310
01:40:27.960 --> 01:40:32.760
And I would hear all of these prognosis, like these diagnostic things from people.

1311
01:40:32.760 --> 01:40:34.200
Oh, it sounds like self-hatred.

1312
01:40:34.720 --> 01:40:36.240
It sounds like self-rejection.

1313
01:40:36.720 --> 01:40:40.000
It sounds like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

1314
01:40:40.120 --> 01:40:43.840
And it's like, and at some point, but nobody had any help.

1315
01:40:44.760 --> 01:40:46.440
Oh, well, the Lord will sort it out.

1316
01:40:47.000 --> 01:40:49.760
You just, you know, it's like, you just got to ask the Lord.

1317
01:40:49.760 --> 01:40:53.240
Well, if I can't hear from him about it to begin with, and then you're telling

1318
01:40:53.240 --> 01:40:57.520
me to go to the source of this, it's like, it's like smashing my thumb with a, with

1319
01:40:57.520 --> 01:40:59.000
a hammer, I just got frustrated.

1320
01:40:59.280 --> 01:41:03.960
And finally it just became like, look, if you can't help me, then just be quiet.

1321
01:41:04.000 --> 01:41:04.240
Yeah.

1322
01:41:04.240 --> 01:41:05.120
Stop trying to be helpful.

1323
01:41:05.120 --> 01:41:05.280
Yeah.

1324
01:41:05.280 --> 01:41:06.160
So, you know, be quiet.

1325
01:41:06.240 --> 01:41:06.480
Right.

1326
01:41:06.480 --> 01:41:10.120
Was the, may have not said be quiet, but that was the gist of it.

1327
01:41:10.640 --> 01:41:17.080
And, um, and so I was in South Africa and I was, we were, I was in a car with another

1328
01:41:17.080 --> 01:41:22.000
man, a little older than I am, kind of like a mentor and, uh, all these young

1329
01:41:22.000 --> 01:41:25.360
guys were in there and they were playing all this music from the eighties.

1330
01:41:25.920 --> 01:41:27.960
And like, do you guys remember this song?

1331
01:41:27.960 --> 01:41:29.120
You know, like we're the old guys.

1332
01:41:29.160 --> 01:41:34.520
And, uh, and I, I noticed, um, it had been a very spiritual time.

1333
01:41:34.520 --> 01:41:37.080
I've been in South Africa for a month.

1334
01:41:37.080 --> 01:41:41.720
It was a very, very spiritual time for me, uh, and, uh, kind of a heightened place.

1335
01:41:41.760 --> 01:41:43.680
I was in a different space at that time.

1336
01:41:44.800 --> 01:41:51.920
And, and I realized that there was this abrupt reaction inside of me to this music.

1337
01:41:52.840 --> 01:41:55.520
And I remembered the song, I hadn't heard it for so long.

1338
01:41:55.800 --> 01:42:00.440
And it was like, if I gave myself time, there was, there was this ability to kind

1339
01:42:00.440 --> 01:42:02.320
of like, I can't stand the eighties and stuff.

1340
01:42:02.320 --> 01:42:02.600
Right.

1341
01:42:02.600 --> 01:42:06.680
And it was like, but there were really probably good memories associated with it.

1342
01:42:06.680 --> 01:42:12.800
But I, I was like pushing it away and, and something, it was almost kind of violent.

1343
01:42:12.800 --> 01:42:14.160
And I was like, wow, that was weird.

1344
01:42:14.640 --> 01:42:15.480
What is that about?

1345
01:42:16.880 --> 01:42:21.040
You know, and I'll try to make it as short as possible, but the Lord was

1346
01:42:21.040 --> 01:42:25.480
basically taking me through that.

1347
01:42:26.200 --> 01:42:28.440
I had never wanted to get stuck.

1348
01:42:29.160 --> 01:42:31.080
I'd always wanted to keep moving forward.

1349
01:42:31.840 --> 01:42:34.080
So I didn't ever want to be that guy.

1350
01:42:34.320 --> 01:42:34.560
Letters.

1351
01:42:34.560 --> 01:42:38.080
I have a friend of mine, Ashley's met him and he's a wonderful man.

1352
01:42:38.320 --> 01:42:40.000
His name's Tim, Timmy, right?

1353
01:42:40.040 --> 01:42:41.880
He'll always be Timmy, lots of energy.

1354
01:42:42.080 --> 01:42:44.000
And he's like, never graduated from the nineties.

1355
01:42:44.320 --> 01:42:44.880
He listened.

1356
01:42:45.120 --> 01:42:47.160
I don't care if he was 20 something years old.

1357
01:42:47.200 --> 01:42:52.160
It was like, he got, he had the nineties radio station on and he never left it.

1358
01:42:52.320 --> 01:42:53.760
And I never wanted to be that guy.

1359
01:42:53.960 --> 01:42:57.320
So I was always until, you know, I'm in this stage of life and then I didn't

1360
01:42:57.320 --> 01:42:59.480
listen to anything, but worship music forever.

1361
01:42:59.480 --> 01:42:59.720
Right.

1362
01:42:59.720 --> 01:43:02.360
But I always wanted to keep moving forward.

1363
01:43:03.360 --> 01:43:10.120
And, and what it, what I, the bottom line, what the Lord showed me was it was kind of

1364
01:43:10.120 --> 01:43:16.680
like, I wasn't just trying to keep up with where things were going, like I was never

1365
01:43:16.680 --> 01:43:22.200
okay with where I was, I was kind of like leaving myself behind in a way.

1366
01:43:22.320 --> 01:43:24.840
It was like, I was rejecting these times.

1367
01:43:24.840 --> 01:43:26.960
I didn't want to see it stuck there because I wanted to move

1368
01:43:26.960 --> 01:43:28.280
to whatever the next thing was.

1369
01:43:28.800 --> 01:43:33.040
And so at some point, and this is where Ashley, that's the context, right?

1370
01:43:33.400 --> 01:43:35.960
And I'm sitting in the back of this car with all these young guys playing all

1371
01:43:35.960 --> 01:43:40.480
this different music, quizzing us old guys, if we know this stuff, and I'm in

1372
01:43:40.480 --> 01:43:47.760
the back having this encounter where the Lord takes me to this time and I can see

1373
01:43:47.760 --> 01:43:52.600
a picture, like a literal picture that I don't know where it is, but it's somewhere.

1374
01:43:52.640 --> 01:43:57.840
And I was, you know, prepubescent.

1375
01:43:57.840 --> 01:44:01.680
I don't know how old I was, but I was a little, you know, I was awkward.

1376
01:44:02.360 --> 01:44:05.560
I think I had my hair feathered and parted down the middle.

1377
01:44:05.560 --> 01:44:07.400
I don't have any hair now, so it doesn't really matter.

1378
01:44:07.400 --> 01:44:12.840
But I had, you know, and I was a little, I was a little chubby.

1379
01:44:12.840 --> 01:44:14.040
I hadn't grown yet.

1380
01:44:14.600 --> 01:44:19.520
And I was wearing this, um, this football jersey.

1381
01:44:19.520 --> 01:44:21.800
My uncle who had lived in Brazil for a while had brought back.

1382
01:44:21.800 --> 01:44:23.160
It was like a treasured thing for me.

1383
01:44:23.520 --> 01:44:23.800
Right.

1384
01:44:24.480 --> 01:44:26.480
And I was just a little awkward.

1385
01:44:26.520 --> 01:44:29.880
And even though the shirt was probably a little small for me, I love the shirt.

1386
01:44:29.920 --> 01:44:31.600
And I saw this picture of me there.

1387
01:44:33.680 --> 01:44:37.160
And there was this weird reaction I was having inside to this picture.

1388
01:44:38.400 --> 01:44:45.160
And, and I'm looking at this kid, you know, kind of evaluating

1389
01:44:45.520 --> 01:44:46.880
this picture that I've seen.

1390
01:44:47.200 --> 01:44:51.040
And the Lord said, you know, Ed, someone has to love this kid.

1391
01:44:53.840 --> 01:44:59.280
And I realized that in this, in my mind, trying to move forward all the time.

1392
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:02.000
It wasn't me just trying to move forward.

1393
01:45:02.480 --> 01:45:04.160
I was trying to move past who I was.

1394
01:45:04.460 --> 01:45:07.000
I was trying, and it was like, I was abandoning myself.

1395
01:45:07.000 --> 01:45:10.320
Like people would say like, Ed, it sounds like self rejection or abandonment.

1396
01:45:10.700 --> 01:45:12.260
I'm like, how can you abandon yourself?

1397
01:45:12.260 --> 01:45:14.320
That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

1398
01:45:15.060 --> 01:45:20.160
But I realized I looked at this kid who was kind of chubby and I didn't want to be

1399
01:45:20.160 --> 01:45:22.680
that kid and whatever the case was.

1400
01:45:22.920 --> 01:45:27.860
And I realized that through my life, because I didn't like myself, this whole

1401
01:45:27.860 --> 01:45:31.820
self-hatred thing, right, I kept trying to move forward and I'm basically trying

1402
01:45:31.820 --> 01:45:38.140
to leave the person that I was now behind to become whoever it is that I'm to become.

1403
01:45:39.460 --> 01:45:41.340
And in that moment, I got a key.

1404
01:45:42.260 --> 01:45:45.820
And that key was I had to learn to love this kid that was in front of me, this

1405
01:45:45.820 --> 01:45:51.500
little kid that was chubby and awkward and probably felt weird and was in an

1406
01:45:51.500 --> 01:45:57.420
awkward state of life, and at that time, I think too, I, we were moving and then

1407
01:45:57.420 --> 01:46:01.460
it was, then he took me to another picture of another age and then another

1408
01:46:01.460 --> 01:46:05.860
picture and another picture, and then I started to finally understand this whole

1409
01:46:05.860 --> 01:46:10.580
thing about self-hatred or dealing with the self-hatred, it was learning to love

1410
01:46:11.340 --> 01:46:14.460
and accept me, but I had to learn to love this person.

1411
01:46:14.500 --> 01:46:17.540
And then it went beyond that, right?

1412
01:46:17.580 --> 01:46:18.500
This is the stretch.

1413
01:46:19.220 --> 01:46:28.140
What about that guy that made the largest mess hurt you, hurt people, the

1414
01:46:28.140 --> 01:46:33.260
most despicable version of you that did all that stuff, can you love that guy?

1415
01:46:34.860 --> 01:46:35.420
What about him?

1416
01:46:35.900 --> 01:46:38.020
He's talking about his adult version of himself.

1417
01:46:38.020 --> 01:46:41.060
So not as a child, but as an adult, where he fully knew what he was doing.

1418
01:46:41.300 --> 01:46:41.500
Right.

1419
01:46:41.500 --> 01:46:45.940
And we're talking about, you know, 15 years ago, I had a terrible crash and implosion,

1420
01:46:45.940 --> 01:46:50.260
and it was terrible, but the point simply was in all of that, you know, love

1421
01:46:50.260 --> 01:46:55.780
your neighbors, you love yourself, or there's another scripture that, that

1422
01:46:55.780 --> 01:46:57.660
struck, stuck out to me in that moment.

1423
01:46:58.700 --> 01:47:04.020
But the, the thing was, it's like, if I can't love that, I can't love that one.

1424
01:47:04.900 --> 01:47:06.220
But how can I really love anybody?

1425
01:47:06.300 --> 01:47:07.300
You know, love yourself.

1426
01:47:07.300 --> 01:47:12.380
You love, you know, as you love your neighbors, you love yourself, but if I

1427
01:47:12.780 --> 01:47:17.020
deal with that guy, then how am I going to deal with all the other broken people that

1428
01:47:17.020 --> 01:47:20.860
got once, and I thought I was loving and caring and accepting, and I had all this

1429
01:47:20.860 --> 01:47:24.940
compassion because of the messes I've made in my life and my, you know, adult

1430
01:47:24.940 --> 01:47:28.140
life, but long ago, and that was the challenge.

1431
01:47:28.940 --> 01:47:32.060
Now I'd like to say I've dealt with all of these things, but the point simply was,

1432
01:47:32.220 --> 01:47:36.700
this was a key that the Lord gave me of this mystery of self-hatred.

1433
01:47:37.100 --> 01:47:38.020
What do you do about it?

1434
01:47:38.380 --> 01:47:40.140
Well, he started taking me through.

1435
01:47:40.340 --> 01:47:46.620
Well, he started taking me through these, these images I had of this little boy.

1436
01:47:47.420 --> 01:47:50.580
And if you look at the problem that most of us have, and again, I don't want to,

1437
01:47:51.700 --> 01:47:54.340
I like you, once you get me started, it's hard to shut me up.

1438
01:47:55.140 --> 01:47:56.180
This is so really good.

1439
01:47:56.780 --> 01:47:58.500
I have one more thing for you after you finish.

1440
01:47:58.900 --> 01:48:03.300
You know, the thing with like, I just kind of lost my thought.

1441
01:48:03.300 --> 01:48:10.380
The, um, with kids in our, in our younger selves is that we look through the adult

1442
01:48:11.300 --> 01:48:14.300
as an adult through events as when we were children.

1443
01:48:15.100 --> 01:48:19.140
And if you have children, which you do not, or if you know someone and you did

1444
01:48:19.140 --> 01:48:21.940
something at five, that was a tough thing.

1445
01:48:21.940 --> 01:48:24.060
And again, this comes back to the forgiveness and stuff.

1446
01:48:24.380 --> 01:48:28.500
We judge ourselves as an adult, but we judge the five-year-old as an

1447
01:48:28.500 --> 01:48:29.820
adult, the decisions they made.

1448
01:48:30.500 --> 01:48:34.860
And when we get wounded, when we're a lot, when we're little, we make up

1449
01:48:34.860 --> 01:48:39.740
rules to protect ourselves that a five-year-old made and a lot of us, you

1450
01:48:39.740 --> 01:48:43.700
know, you ever seen somebody react to a situation and they're like, man, they're

1451
01:48:43.700 --> 01:48:48.620
acting like a, you know, he's acting like, like some kind of like, you know,

1452
01:48:48.620 --> 01:48:52.220
like a child, like what, you know, well, he is because that wounded place to

1453
01:48:52.220 --> 01:48:53.940
happen when he was seven years old.

1454
01:48:54.340 --> 01:48:57.980
And there's all of these programs and stuff that were created for a seven-year-old.

1455
01:48:57.980 --> 01:49:00.820
And you know what, for a seven-year-old, they did really well.

1456
01:49:02.060 --> 01:49:05.700
And so sometimes we have to look at ourselves, not as ourselves,

1457
01:49:05.980 --> 01:49:07.780
but as a seven-year-old kid.

1458
01:49:08.540 --> 01:49:10.100
What does a seven-year-old kid know?

1459
01:49:10.980 --> 01:49:15.260
Like if it was a seven-year-old, how would you treat a seven-year-old if they

1460
01:49:15.260 --> 01:49:19.140
messed up or if something happened to them or the decisions they made or

1461
01:49:19.140 --> 01:49:22.820
whatever the case is, it helps to kind of see us in that alternative view.

1462
01:49:23.420 --> 01:49:30.500
And, um, and so that whole day, everybody's off doing whatever they're doing for hours.

1463
01:49:30.500 --> 01:49:32.380
I was walking, I was, it was cold.

1464
01:49:32.380 --> 01:49:36.340
I'm in the mountains and there are natural cracks in the mountain that make

1465
01:49:36.340 --> 01:49:41.220
crosses and three of them, as a matter of fact, it was a very crazy experience.

1466
01:49:41.860 --> 01:49:44.580
And I still need to go back to that place, but that's what, you know,

1467
01:49:44.580 --> 01:49:49.500
actually it's, it's, you can say it's accepting yourself, but it's choosing

1468
01:49:49.500 --> 01:49:54.580
to love the lovable and the unlovable parts of who we are.

1469
01:49:54.940 --> 01:49:58.860
And, and, and I think there's a real key in a door there to be able to

1470
01:49:58.860 --> 01:49:59.940
really come into a place of.

1471
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:04.720
but for others also in that place.

1472
01:50:04.720 --> 01:50:05.960
So I hope that helps.

1473
01:50:05.960 --> 01:50:07.200
Yes, thank you.

1474
01:50:07.200 --> 01:50:10.400
The other thing was, the last thing is,

1475
01:50:10.400 --> 01:50:12.840
I just talked about the,

1476
01:50:12.840 --> 01:50:14.600
I was wondering if you could briefly talk about something

1477
01:50:14.600 --> 01:50:17.080
I tried to do justice to.

1478
01:50:17.080 --> 01:50:21.480
The part, when you have judgments against yourself,

1479
01:50:21.480 --> 01:50:23.560
how you disassociate from parts of yourself

1480
01:50:23.560 --> 01:50:25.800
and you start fragmenting yourself, so to speak.

1481
01:50:25.800 --> 01:50:27.840
Now I'm not talking necessarily about this whole,

1482
01:50:27.840 --> 01:50:29.360
the theory that some people have

1483
01:50:29.400 --> 01:50:30.960
about being able to fragment your soul.

1484
01:50:30.960 --> 01:50:32.120
I'm not talking about that.

1485
01:50:32.120 --> 01:50:34.080
I'm talking about just disassociating

1486
01:50:34.080 --> 01:50:35.880
from parts of yourself to the point

1487
01:50:35.880 --> 01:50:37.720
where you're not all completely whole

1488
01:50:37.720 --> 01:50:39.200
because you're rejecting aspects,

1489
01:50:39.200 --> 01:50:41.080
certain aspects and accepting others.

1490
01:50:41.080 --> 01:50:42.840
Do you have anything to say about that

1491
01:50:42.840 --> 01:50:44.080
that I haven't just explained?

1492
01:50:44.080 --> 01:50:46.160
About disassociating and fragmenting.

1493
01:50:46.160 --> 01:50:48.000
You're talking about trauma or?

1494
01:50:48.000 --> 01:50:49.640
No, I'm talking about judging.

1495
01:50:49.640 --> 01:50:51.680
Where you judge yourself, you disassociate

1496
01:50:51.680 --> 01:50:54.160
and therefore you fracture yourself, so to speak,

1497
01:50:55.280 --> 01:50:58.680
because you disassociated from that part of yourself

1498
01:50:58.680 --> 01:50:59.840
that did the thing.

1499
01:50:59.840 --> 01:51:01.480
And how, in order to heal,

1500
01:51:01.480 --> 01:51:06.480
you have to completely reintegrate by stopping judging.

1501
01:51:07.120 --> 01:51:09.320
Was there anything that I'm not explaining in that?

1502
01:51:09.320 --> 01:51:12.320
The only thing that comes to mind is the moment,

1503
01:51:13.320 --> 01:51:14.520
I'm trying to borrow his words,

1504
01:51:14.520 --> 01:51:17.240
that Mark gave me a thing and he said,

1505
01:51:17.240 --> 01:51:19.560
there are two judgments.

1506
01:51:19.560 --> 01:51:20.400
Oh, yeah.

1507
01:51:21.320 --> 01:51:24.320
Oh, it was like something, it was like,

1508
01:51:32.240 --> 01:51:34.200
basically, I'm trying to remember the words,

1509
01:51:34.200 --> 01:51:35.880
it was very poetic, almost,

1510
01:51:35.880 --> 01:51:38.520
but it's kind of like there's the judgments

1511
01:51:38.520 --> 01:51:42.720
that everybody knows where you judge something as bad, right?

1512
01:51:42.720 --> 01:51:43.560
Oh, yeah.

1513
01:51:43.560 --> 01:51:44.400
There was something about,

1514
01:51:44.400 --> 01:51:49.000
you could judge something also that it's better, right?

1515
01:51:49.000 --> 01:51:49.840
Bitter or better?

1516
01:51:50.240 --> 01:51:52.160
Yeah, that's what it is, bitter or better.

1517
01:51:52.160 --> 01:51:53.440
There's bitter judgments like,

1518
01:51:53.440 --> 01:51:56.360
oh, that person is this, they do that,

1519
01:51:56.360 --> 01:51:58.000
they're this type of person.

1520
01:51:58.000 --> 01:52:00.760
And then there's better, which is to say like,

1521
01:52:00.760 --> 01:52:03.560
and I think some of us have bitterness towards ourselves,

1522
01:52:03.560 --> 01:52:05.840
but also I think there's a certain level of better.

1523
01:52:05.840 --> 01:52:07.040
And so when-

1524
01:52:07.040 --> 01:52:07.880
Oh, that's right.

1525
01:52:07.880 --> 01:52:08.720
Right.

1526
01:52:08.720 --> 01:52:09.560
I remember.

1527
01:52:09.560 --> 01:52:10.800
To go back and look and like,

1528
01:52:10.800 --> 01:52:13.080
and so we judge, we hold these judgments,

1529
01:52:13.080 --> 01:52:15.280
if I'm in line with what you're talking,

1530
01:52:15.280 --> 01:52:17.120
because you're like catching it here, right?

1531
01:52:17.120 --> 01:52:21.200
Is like, the better is like,

1532
01:52:21.200 --> 01:52:22.760
you're looking at yourself going,

1533
01:52:22.760 --> 01:52:25.480
oh, especially when you're looking back, right?

1534
01:52:25.480 --> 01:52:26.920
Like, oh, I could have done this.

1535
01:52:26.920 --> 01:52:27.760
I should have done that.

1536
01:52:27.760 --> 01:52:28.600
I could have done this.

1537
01:52:28.600 --> 01:52:29.440
I should have done that.

1538
01:52:29.440 --> 01:52:30.280
I wouldn't, you know.

1539
01:52:30.280 --> 01:52:32.480
And then, you know, it can get even worse

1540
01:52:32.480 --> 01:52:34.640
if you're misusing your imagination to say like,

1541
01:52:34.640 --> 01:52:36.720
well, if I hadn't done that, then this could happen.

1542
01:52:36.720 --> 01:52:37.560
Yeah.

1543
01:52:37.560 --> 01:52:38.400
And that could have happened.

1544
01:52:38.400 --> 01:52:39.240
Yeah.

1545
01:52:39.240 --> 01:52:40.080
Regrets and stuff.

1546
01:52:40.080 --> 01:52:40.920
Yeah.

1547
01:52:40.920 --> 01:52:44.560
So, you know, you could fragment in a sense,

1548
01:52:44.560 --> 01:52:46.520
but it is to kind of look again,

1549
01:52:46.520 --> 01:52:50.640
kind of like at yourself as if it's not you.

1550
01:52:50.640 --> 01:52:53.560
And so the way that this person put it to me

1551
01:52:53.560 --> 01:52:56.720
was about embracing the old man.

1552
01:52:56.720 --> 01:53:01.040
It's not to call the dead to life in that sense of like,

1553
01:53:01.040 --> 01:53:03.920
the dead person needs to stay dead,

1554
01:53:03.920 --> 01:53:06.240
but it's kind of like, we'll just,

1555
01:53:07.240 --> 01:53:11.360
like for me, again, I don't want to keep rattling on here,

1556
01:53:11.360 --> 01:53:14.160
but like there was a time I,

1557
01:53:14.160 --> 01:53:17.000
when I had come out of this period of my life,

1558
01:53:17.000 --> 01:53:18.920
I was so on fire for God.

1559
01:53:18.920 --> 01:53:21.520
I was only listening to worship music.

1560
01:53:21.520 --> 01:53:23.600
I was only really, I read the Bible in six months.

1561
01:53:23.600 --> 01:53:24.960
I was doing all this stuff.

1562
01:53:24.960 --> 01:53:26.720
I was going, going, going, going, going.

1563
01:53:26.720 --> 01:53:28.000
I wasn't doing anything

1564
01:53:28.000 --> 01:53:30.760
other than pursuing God period in the story.

1565
01:53:30.760 --> 01:53:33.640
And then at some point he showed me,

1566
01:53:34.840 --> 01:53:36.320
like I lived at the beach

1567
01:53:36.320 --> 01:53:39.120
and my family lives in Jacksonville, Florida.

1568
01:53:39.120 --> 01:53:41.240
And there you have these pathways

1569
01:53:42.120 --> 01:53:42.960
that lead out to the beach

1570
01:53:42.960 --> 01:53:44.200
and they'll have these metal,

1571
01:53:44.200 --> 01:53:47.120
they'll have these wooden railings.

1572
01:53:47.120 --> 01:53:52.120
And I saw a picture of a walkway similar to that,

1573
01:53:52.160 --> 01:53:54.360
but there were these very flimsy railings.

1574
01:53:55.280 --> 01:53:59.480
And at the time it was, they were guardrails, right?

1575
01:53:59.480 --> 01:54:01.520
And so at some point it was like,

1576
01:54:02.480 --> 01:54:04.200
I don't really know where I'm going with all of this,

1577
01:54:04.200 --> 01:54:08.320
but the God, you know, he was,

1578
01:54:08.320 --> 01:54:09.840
the Lord just said to me like,

1579
01:54:09.840 --> 01:54:12.040
huh, you know, who put those there?

1580
01:54:12.040 --> 01:54:13.280
I didn't put those there.

1581
01:54:15.320 --> 01:54:18.360
And that was the most terrifying thing for me

1582
01:54:18.360 --> 01:54:19.720
because I didn't realize it,

1583
01:54:19.720 --> 01:54:21.400
but I had built these things.

1584
01:54:21.400 --> 01:54:24.760
They serve their purpose to protect myself against myself.

1585
01:54:26.040 --> 01:54:26.880
Right?

1586
01:54:26.880 --> 01:54:29.640
And so in that sense,

1587
01:54:29.640 --> 01:54:31.520
what from what I think what Ashley is saying

1588
01:54:31.520 --> 01:54:34.000
is that we can look at ourselves

1589
01:54:34.000 --> 01:54:36.920
detached from ourselves as a unified being.

1590
01:54:37.440 --> 01:54:41.680
And cast judgment upon that person.

1591
01:54:41.680 --> 01:54:44.360
But, you know, it's kind of like, you know,

1592
01:54:46.440 --> 01:54:50.440
you're beating yourself in the head in a sense, you know?

1593
01:54:50.440 --> 01:54:52.400
And that, so all of this,

1594
01:54:52.400 --> 01:54:56.480
I think kind of talks about dealing with these judgments,

1595
01:54:56.480 --> 01:54:57.400
these arguments,

1596
01:54:57.400 --> 01:54:59.600
these things that we hold against ourselves.

1597
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:05.920
We're better at dealing with it when we're holding it against other people, but in the same thing,

1598
01:55:05.920 --> 01:55:12.320
you know, that forgiveness that we have to walk through individually, there's this learning to

1599
01:55:12.320 --> 01:55:18.800
integrate or allowing it to take place where you learn to love these bits and pieces of you,

1600
01:55:19.600 --> 01:55:25.760
including the parts that you may not particularly care for. And I remember when I started getting,

1601
01:55:25.760 --> 01:55:29.760
you know, Graham Cooke talks about these inheritance scriptures and stuff, and I

1602
01:55:29.760 --> 01:55:33.520
remember when I first started getting some, and one of them was in Psalm 139,

1603
01:55:34.960 --> 01:55:40.640
and it says, wonderful all your works, my soul knows it all too well. And I knew, for me,

1604
01:55:41.680 --> 01:55:46.640
that that was a tough pill to swallow, because that he was talking about, that to me was talking

1605
01:55:46.640 --> 01:55:53.120
about God's creation of me, and that there was something in me that needed to reconcile this

1606
01:55:53.120 --> 01:55:59.280
place where I agreed with God about this person that he created, and nobody could do it for him.

1607
01:55:59.840 --> 01:56:05.600
Now, I know people that the father hugged them, and they had this supernatural encounter,

1608
01:56:05.600 --> 01:56:09.120
and their identity was given to them. I know somebody, a dear friend of mine, that that

1609
01:56:09.120 --> 01:56:14.560
happened to, and he was never the same, and that's what I've known, right? So I don't know if any of

1610
01:56:14.560 --> 01:56:22.640
this makes any sense. I'm just kind of, I literally just came in from the gym and have to get back to

1611
01:56:22.720 --> 01:56:28.640
work, and I've got my phone dinging away back there. My friend and boss are kind of, so I don't know if

1612
01:56:28.640 --> 01:56:35.920
that helps. Yes, very much. Thank you, sweetie. I appreciate it. Bless you guys. All right, so I'm so glad

1613
01:56:35.920 --> 01:56:39.680
that he came in, because when you were, when you were gone, I was trying to explain the judgment

1614
01:56:39.680 --> 01:56:43.920
thing, and said, or no, no, no, the story about someone has to love this kid. I said, I wish

1615
01:56:43.920 --> 01:56:51.520
they were here to tell this own story, because I feel like I'm not doing you justice. Okay,

1616
01:56:51.520 --> 01:56:59.040
looking at, oh, another thing to do, so talking, continuing our talk about like the practices, and

1617
01:56:59.040 --> 01:57:04.960
what it is that you can do, and one of the things that Ed told me, that a friend of his has people

1618
01:57:04.960 --> 01:57:09.600
do with the rocks sometimes, instead of wiping them away, but some people can't handle this thing

1619
01:57:09.600 --> 01:57:13.920
that I'm about to tell you, because they think it's too, it to them, it just feels too gruesome, but

1620
01:57:13.920 --> 01:57:21.600
for some people, it is very effect, effectual, very effective, and that is to put them in Jesus'

1621
01:57:21.600 --> 01:57:27.200
side, Jesus hanging on the cross, and to put them in his side. There's something that some people,

1622
01:57:27.920 --> 01:57:34.160
that enables people, certain people to connect with that, as God really having taken that thing on,

1623
01:57:34.160 --> 01:57:37.680
or they feel that they can really, truly let go of the thing. For other people, they just kind of

1624
01:57:37.680 --> 01:57:41.840
can't handle it. It's just kind of a gruesome picture, but I mentioned that, just in case,

1625
01:57:42.240 --> 01:57:51.760
for one of you, it might be helpful. Let's see, okay, another way to think about, and to basically

1626
01:57:51.760 --> 01:57:59.920
kind of practice a feeling, oh yeah. I'm sorry, so one thing I want to ensure

1627
01:58:02.240 --> 01:58:05.360
the people, I think it's super important that,

1628
01:58:06.240 --> 01:58:11.120
especially if you're analytical, or you're somebody that overthinks, which I can,

1629
01:58:12.160 --> 01:58:15.840
I can't tell you how many times it was like, you know, too much here, not enough here,

1630
01:58:18.240 --> 01:58:26.880
is to trust God, that this isn't a mental, the difference between walking with God,

1631
01:58:27.440 --> 01:58:32.560
and having the Holy Spirit as your helper, and your guide, and things, it's like,

1632
01:58:33.520 --> 01:58:38.320
it's what allows us to truncate, and get rid of, like, the whole self-help place,

1633
01:58:38.880 --> 01:58:42.800
the mantras, and things that you need to do yourself, and that this is something that you're

1634
01:58:42.800 --> 01:58:50.480
just trying to do, to help you do something that you can't do. We can't save ourselves,

1635
01:58:50.480 --> 01:58:58.640
we can't fix ourselves, so it's a surrendered place to just to say, okay, I'm going to trust,

1636
01:58:58.640 --> 01:59:04.480
and believe that this is God, and know that in the presence of the Holy Spirit, I have a great,

1637
01:59:04.480 --> 01:59:12.080
great woman of God, who used, you know, I mean, I just, I could tell you a story, I have a story

1638
01:59:12.080 --> 01:59:20.800
about her, but she and her husband opened a very, very powerful ministry, and she used to be a

1639
01:59:20.960 --> 01:59:28.400
mental health counselor in a state hospital, and then she ran a house of prayer in Israel,

1640
01:59:28.400 --> 01:59:35.040
and you know, they just like, I don't know, everything aligned for the two of them to be

1641
01:59:35.040 --> 01:59:40.080
able to come together and birth this ministry, but she used to say that 80, she thinks is a minimum,

1642
01:59:40.960 --> 01:59:45.600
percent of healing comes with telling this, telling, authentically telling your story in

1643
01:59:45.600 --> 01:59:51.600
the presence of the Holy Spirit, and so people come to the ministry, and the Holy Spirit's

1644
01:59:51.600 --> 01:59:58.960
present, and sometimes it's easier to accept the fact that he's there when we are with other people,

1645
01:59:58.960 --> 01:59:59.840
and sometimes we do.

1646
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:05.920
need that, but sometimes it does help. But my point in all of this is that this isn't a mental ascent,

1647
02:00:07.040 --> 02:00:12.480
like an exercise just to do, to mentally help you process, or another thing for you to do.

1648
02:00:13.280 --> 02:00:17.280
It's a place for, you know, you really need to just trust and believe, okay,

1649
02:00:18.320 --> 02:00:23.440
this is different because I'm not doing it. God's going to take care of it. This is whatever,

1650
02:00:23.440 --> 02:00:27.120
I'm going to trust him, I'm going to put this in, there's nothing I can do to make this work.

1651
02:00:28.080 --> 02:00:33.360
You know, and as I used to say, I was in such a broken place at one point

1652
02:00:34.880 --> 02:00:38.560
that I couldn't trust anything. I couldn't trust that what I was saying was true.

1653
02:00:39.200 --> 02:00:45.840
The only hope of truth in my life was God. And I used to say stuff like, Lord, I want this,

1654
02:00:45.840 --> 02:00:49.040
and I want that, I want to give you this, I want this, but I can't even trust that what

1655
02:00:49.040 --> 02:00:54.080
I'm telling you is true. God, if it's not true in my heart, I ask you to make it true.

1656
02:00:54.800 --> 02:01:02.800
And you're my only hope of truth in life, you know. And, and I used to say to him,

1657
02:01:02.800 --> 02:01:08.720
and I had no idea about anything, I used to say, Lord, I, I am tired of changing.

1658
02:01:10.000 --> 02:01:14.400
I've changed so many times in my life. I've reinvented myself so many times.

1659
02:01:15.120 --> 02:01:21.200
I don't want to change anymore. I want to be transformed. I want my DNA to change.

1660
02:01:21.920 --> 02:01:27.200
And as a, as a very smart lady, I used to say, Ed, there's different degrees of change.

1661
02:01:28.240 --> 02:01:32.080
There's first degree change. And that's when apples are turned into apple slices,

1662
02:01:32.080 --> 02:01:36.160
but you can still kind of put the apple back together. But once the apple is made into apple

1663
02:01:36.160 --> 02:01:41.280
sauce, that's second degree change. I wanted to be applesauce. I wanted to be, I wanted my DNA

1664
02:01:41.280 --> 02:01:46.880
to change. I wanted transformation was the word. And, and that's something that I knew I couldn't

1665
02:01:46.880 --> 02:01:51.840
do. And God, like literally I could wake up in the morning and be different than I was the

1666
02:01:51.840 --> 02:01:56.320
day before. I mean, that was how much change was going on in my life at the time. So as you're

1667
02:01:56.320 --> 02:02:05.280
doing these things, you know, you get, I would recommend getting rid of the thoughts of I've

1668
02:02:05.280 --> 02:02:11.040
tried this before, or this is up to me. Or maybe if I say it this way, or if I dig around, don't

1669
02:02:11.040 --> 02:02:14.560
dig around inside of your soul. He's the master of your soul. He's the perfecter of your soul.

1670
02:02:15.360 --> 02:02:23.040
We are not, and trust him with this process and allow him to do it, allow him to do it,

1671
02:02:23.040 --> 02:02:28.000
you know? And so that would be the only thing I would add. Thank you, sweetie.

1672
02:02:29.360 --> 02:02:35.760
So like he was saying, you know, a scripture, a scripture passage that affirms that and talks

1673
02:02:35.760 --> 02:02:42.400
about that is where Peter goes out. And I may have mentioned this to y'all the other day,

1674
02:02:42.400 --> 02:02:47.760
Peter goes out to, to fish and he finishes all night long and he doesn't catch anything.

1675
02:02:47.760 --> 02:02:52.560
And he comes back and this is his first time meeting Jesus. Jesus is preaching on the shore

1676
02:02:52.560 --> 02:02:57.520
asked to use his boat. And Peter says, sure. So he preaches from the boat. And then afterwards,

1677
02:02:57.520 --> 02:03:02.880
he said, tells Peter, he said, go out and throw your, your net over the side. And Peter,

1678
02:03:02.880 --> 02:03:08.560
Peter says, you know, master, you know, I appreciate you, you know, when good for me,

1679
02:03:08.560 --> 02:03:13.680
but, you know, I've done this all night and we haven't caught anything. And, and Jesus,

1680
02:03:13.680 --> 02:03:17.680
you know, invited him to do it, to do it, but Jesus invited him to do it. And so he said,

1681
02:03:17.680 --> 02:03:25.040
you know, mastery said, but because you say, so I'll go do it. And so what happened this time

1682
02:03:25.040 --> 02:03:31.920
is Peter went out and did the exact same thing that he had not only done all night, but he knows

1683
02:03:31.920 --> 02:03:38.080
how to do because he was, it was, it's his trade. And by, and, and stuff like that, uh, trades that,

1684
02:03:38.080 --> 02:03:43.360
that people were in usually were trades that their father was in and their grandfather was in,

1685
02:03:43.360 --> 02:03:47.600
et cetera. So he grew up around this. He knows it like the back of his hand. He knows what to do.

1686
02:03:47.600 --> 02:03:52.320
And he has done it a gazillion times and he had just done it all night. He knows what he's doing.

1687
02:03:52.320 --> 02:03:58.880
And here, God says to go out and do it again, but in obedience, he did it. But this time he

1688
02:03:58.880 --> 02:04:04.960
got something out of it. You know, the Lord miraculously filled his nets. But so what was

1689
02:04:04.960 --> 02:04:09.680
the difference? The difference is that instead of Peter doing out of his own own effort, this time,

1690
02:04:09.680 --> 02:04:16.640
God had invited him to do it. And Peter went out on word. And so his, and the, and what resulted

1691
02:04:16.640 --> 02:04:23.840
was actually was, it was a result of God's word of God, having said something. Why? Because it was

1692
02:04:23.840 --> 02:04:30.240
God's idea in the first place. And God invited him to do that. So God made it happen. It's very

1693
02:04:30.240 --> 02:04:34.560
evident that Peter couldn't make it happen. Why? Because you know what to do. He did it all night

1694
02:04:34.560 --> 02:04:39.600
and now was not the time to fish. And yet God was saying, Hey, do what it is you always do in this

1695
02:04:39.600 --> 02:04:46.720
time, expect a different result. Um, but, uh, this, but this time it was being sourced by God's

1696
02:04:46.720 --> 02:04:53.040
invitation. And therefore when God invites, he's the one who actually accomplishes the thing.

1697
02:04:53.040 --> 02:04:55.680
So remember that, you know, in light of what, what Ed was saying,

1698
02:04:56.240 --> 02:04:59.760
remember that when you step out, induce an

1699
02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:03.880
and are doing this, this exercise, you know, you're, you're forgiving, you're

1700
02:05:03.880 --> 02:05:07.780
learning to let go of things and stop holding accusation against yourself.

1701
02:05:07.780 --> 02:05:12.580
Stopping, holding accusation against God, fully accepting yourself as you are,

1702
02:05:13.080 --> 02:05:17.840
you know, and all the good, bad, me, ugly, fully accepting God as he is

1703
02:05:17.840 --> 02:05:21.540
with all of all of his good, but with all of the struggles that you're

1704
02:05:21.540 --> 02:05:26.080
having with what feels like, you know, bad and ugly from him, from him, even

1705
02:05:26.080 --> 02:05:29.160
though obviously it's not, but that's the struggles that we're having with

1706
02:05:29.160 --> 02:05:33.680
them fully accept God, who it is that he is, even though you don't know who

1707
02:05:33.680 --> 02:05:37.760
that fully is, you're fully accepting yourself, even though you fully don't

1708
02:05:37.760 --> 02:05:40.640
know what it is that you're accepting of yourself, you don't really know who

1709
02:05:40.640 --> 02:05:46.720
that is fully do that because, and entrust that, that, that all of these

1710
02:05:46.720 --> 02:05:50.800
things, you know, the end I've been talking to you about will happen, that

1711
02:05:50.800 --> 02:05:55.740
you will forgive, you will release, you will fully accept because he's the one

1712
02:05:55.740 --> 02:05:57.340
who's invited you to this place.

1713
02:05:57.340 --> 02:06:00.780
It's been very clear that he's invited y'all into this, uh, to this place of

1714
02:06:00.780 --> 02:06:04.460
breakthrough, um, and to closer and greater intimacy with him.

1715
02:06:04.540 --> 02:06:10.000
Um, and it's his invitation and therefore he will accomplish it.

1716
02:06:10.000 --> 02:06:11.220
He will meet you there.

1717
02:06:11.220 --> 02:06:14.740
And so just present yourself and let him do it.

1718
02:06:15.600 --> 02:06:19.220
So this is not like what we were talking today earlier in the community chat.

1719
02:06:19.220 --> 02:06:26.700
This is not more exertion that you need to find and to execute and to put forth,

1720
02:06:26.980 --> 02:06:29.660
you know, just like what I was talking about with, you know, in order to have

1721
02:06:29.660 --> 02:06:32.580
more faith, the same thing with this, you don't have to put forth all of this

1722
02:06:32.660 --> 02:06:36.900
effort and exertion in order to forgive, in order to let go, you simply go

1723
02:06:36.900 --> 02:06:43.660
through this process, do it with a heart intention of, of coming into agreement

1724
02:06:43.940 --> 02:06:48.740
with letting go and stopping, holding accusation, et cetera, but trust and,

1725
02:06:48.740 --> 02:06:52.300
and releasing and forgiving, but trust that God's going to do it.

1726
02:06:52.340 --> 02:06:54.340
This isn't going to take your will and your effort.

1727
02:06:54.340 --> 02:06:57.140
It's just taking your participation in your partnership

1728
02:06:57.140 --> 02:06:58.900
with the Lord as he does it.

1729
02:06:58.900 --> 02:07:01.140
So Peter still had to put the net over the side.

1730
02:07:01.140 --> 02:07:06.540
He still had to obey God when God said, go out on the boat, but Peter didn't do

1731
02:07:06.540 --> 02:07:09.220
the work of making, of creating the outcome.

1732
02:07:09.620 --> 02:07:11.860
He didn't make the thing happen.

1733
02:07:12.060 --> 02:07:13.380
God did that.

1734
02:07:13.740 --> 02:07:15.300
You just do this stuff.

1735
02:07:15.300 --> 02:07:16.740
God wants you to let go.

1736
02:07:16.740 --> 02:07:18.180
He wants you to partner with him.

1737
02:07:18.180 --> 02:07:19.260
You want you to agree.

1738
02:07:19.260 --> 02:07:20.900
So just, just agree.

1739
02:07:21.140 --> 02:07:23.620
It's like, okay, Lord, if that's how you say that this works, if

1740
02:07:23.620 --> 02:07:26.500
that is, that's who you say that I am, then I fully accept me.

1741
02:07:26.860 --> 02:07:29.460
If that's who you say that you are, then I fully accept you.

1742
02:07:30.220 --> 02:07:33.100
You know, and then the accepting you part is includes all the good, bad,

1743
02:07:33.100 --> 02:07:36.220
and the ugly, and then with the Lord, you're, you're fully accepting

1744
02:07:36.260 --> 02:07:40.420
everything about him and him being who he is without fully knowing

1745
02:07:40.420 --> 02:07:41.980
what it is you're, you're accepting.

1746
02:07:42.260 --> 02:07:47.220
God's going to reveal more to him, more to you of who it is that he is over time.

1747
02:07:47.580 --> 02:07:50.740
You remember what he, he told me when I went through my crisis of faith,

1748
02:07:50.740 --> 02:07:53.020
he said, you're right, Ashley, you don't know who I am.

1749
02:07:53.300 --> 02:07:57.940
You don't know if I'm good or if I'm loving, but you have fully accepted

1750
02:07:57.940 --> 02:08:02.780
me unconditionally as I, to be who I am and to be that into your life.

1751
02:08:03.260 --> 02:08:06.340
And what I'm going to show you is because she chose to receive me

1752
02:08:06.340 --> 02:08:09.620
unconditionally as I am not knowing what it is fully the full picture of

1753
02:08:09.620 --> 02:08:11.620
what it is that, that you just accepted.

1754
02:08:12.140 --> 02:08:13.620
I'm going to now show you what it is.

1755
02:08:13.620 --> 02:08:15.740
She's accepted that I'm actually perfectly good.

1756
02:08:15.740 --> 02:08:18.580
I'm actually perfectly loving and I am all those things to you.

1757
02:08:18.900 --> 02:08:22.420
So anyway, the same thing with this forgiveness and releasing and

1758
02:08:22.420 --> 02:08:26.940
letting go and fully accepting yourself and fully accept accepting God, go

1759
02:08:26.940 --> 02:08:33.740
through the process and of, and, and know that what you're doing is you're

1760
02:08:33.740 --> 02:08:37.460
simply coming into agreement with, in partnership with the Lord on these

1761
02:08:37.460 --> 02:08:40.980
things, you're not causing something to happen, so there's no need for you to

1762
02:08:40.980 --> 02:08:44.340
be afraid that maybe it's not happening or maybe it won't happen.

1763
02:08:44.580 --> 02:08:44.940
Okay.

1764
02:08:45.660 --> 02:08:51.380
So the last, last couple of things that I wanted to mention, another thing that

1765
02:08:51.380 --> 02:08:54.060
you can do is you can think of some way.

1766
02:08:54.260 --> 02:08:55.220
This is the last.

1767
02:08:57.100 --> 02:08:57.380
Okay.

1768
02:08:58.740 --> 02:09:01.540
Uh, if you're online, okay.

1769
02:09:01.580 --> 02:09:08.020
Um, think of something that you are, um, you know, in this process of like

1770
02:09:08.020 --> 02:09:11.180
learning what it feels like when you've forgiven and when you've

1771
02:09:11.180 --> 02:09:12.420
actually let go of something.

1772
02:09:12.780 --> 02:09:16.980
Think of, uh, think of something that is really hard for you that, but again,

1773
02:09:16.980 --> 02:09:20.500
it needs to be something hard for you, meaning like it hurts, but it's

1774
02:09:20.500 --> 02:09:23.060
something that's smaller, easy, like maybe it's something that's for your

1775
02:09:23.060 --> 02:09:27.700
feelings and then, and then it'll kind of, you'll feel kind of like this knot

1776
02:09:27.780 --> 02:09:31.940
or this, like, if you look at it, it'll feel like dark, it'll become compact.

1777
02:09:31.940 --> 02:09:34.260
It'll feel like, like a real thing.

1778
02:09:34.940 --> 02:09:38.220
And just kind of like be very aware of that thing and imagine

1779
02:09:38.220 --> 02:09:39.500
yourself holding onto it.

1780
02:09:39.500 --> 02:09:42.580
And that's why it's sitting wherever it is that you're, that you're feeling.

1781
02:09:42.580 --> 02:09:43.660
You might feel it right here.

1782
02:09:43.660 --> 02:09:44.740
You might feel it right here.

1783
02:09:44.740 --> 02:09:47.940
You might feel it right here, you know, wherever it is that you feel like

1784
02:09:47.980 --> 02:09:52.780
it's kind of like a physical that gives you this as a sense of where it may be.

1785
02:09:52.780 --> 02:09:54.380
Even it is placed in your body.

1786
02:09:54.820 --> 02:09:57.620
You can think, okay, that, that really hurt my feelings.

1787
02:09:57.620 --> 02:09:58.660
And this is where it hurts.

1788
02:09:58.660 --> 02:09:59.940
So this is where I feel tight.

1789
02:10:00.000 --> 02:10:04.880
whatever. And just kind of like, imagine that as something that you're holding on to, as if the

1790
02:10:04.880 --> 02:10:09.360
fact that you're holding onto it is holding it right there. And that's why it's sitting there.

1791
02:10:09.360 --> 02:10:12.800
And that's why you feel that right there in your shoulder is because you're holding, you're the

1792
02:10:12.800 --> 02:10:18.960
one who's holding that dark, like the sphere or compact thing. And you're, and you're keeping it

1793
02:10:18.960 --> 02:10:26.160
in you. And then imagine yourself slowly, you know, loosening your, your fingers and letting

1794
02:10:26.160 --> 02:10:31.920
the thing go. And then you'll, you'll usually feel, especially, you know, if it's something

1795
02:10:31.920 --> 02:10:37.520
small like that, you'll usually feel as if you are actually releasing it and giving it permission to

1796
02:10:37.520 --> 02:10:41.680
leave. And then it'll leave because what you've done is you've given yourself kind of, you've

1797
02:10:41.680 --> 02:10:48.080
given your, your mind or whatever, you know, this in your, your will, this, this, this tool to kind

1798
02:10:48.080 --> 02:10:52.240
of imagine, okay, this is what it's like when I'm holding onto something, this is how it feels.

1799
02:10:52.320 --> 02:10:57.520
And this is what it feels like to go through the process of letting go. So that when you try to let

1800
02:10:57.520 --> 02:11:03.600
go of something later that you've been holding onto the word onto against the Lord or against

1801
02:11:03.600 --> 02:11:10.320
yourself, you'll recognize that feeling of holding onto it so that you realize, oh, now I need, I

1802
02:11:10.320 --> 02:11:15.680
need to stop holding onto it. Like I'm doing, I need to go, I need to let go of it. And then it'll

1803
02:11:15.680 --> 02:11:20.640
be easier to kind of like recognize how to let go of how you're holding onto something and therefore

1804
02:11:20.640 --> 02:11:25.840
how to let go of it. The reason I explain all of that is sometimes I talk to people about letting

1805
02:11:25.840 --> 02:11:31.440
things go and they're like, well, I'm sure I'm all, I'm all for not having this, but actually

1806
02:11:31.440 --> 02:11:37.600
how on earth am I holding onto it? So imagining, you know, it going through that process that I

1807
02:11:37.600 --> 02:11:43.760
just explained is a way that people that helps people connect with, oh, so that feeling right

1808
02:11:43.760 --> 02:11:48.320
there, that's me holding onto it. Oh, and I just need to go through this feeling and that's letting

1809
02:11:48.320 --> 02:11:54.720
go of it. Okay. I can do that. And it's just, and, um, so it just kind of helps people, um,

1810
02:11:54.720 --> 02:11:58.320
understand a bit more about what I'm talking about and then how to actually walk themselves.

1811
02:11:58.320 --> 02:12:04.080
It gets there. So that they're, they're, they're souls, a tool to use, to understand what I'm

1812
02:12:04.080 --> 02:12:10.960
saying so that they can then do it on their own. Um, so you're emotionally loosening your grip

1813
02:12:10.960 --> 02:12:15.200
on it and you're not sending it away. So this is fascinating. You're not sending it away,

1814
02:12:15.200 --> 02:12:19.200
but you're a lot and you're allowing it to still stay there and exist in the room with you,

1815
02:12:19.200 --> 02:12:26.240
but you're not holding tight onto it to keep it from leaving. Um, and, uh, so, okay, let me,

1816
02:12:26.240 --> 02:12:30.000
let me explain what I'm saying there and why that's different than what I was saying earlier.

1817
02:12:30.000 --> 02:12:34.720
Sometimes you'll do that. You'll, you'll just loosen your hold on something and, but it won't,

1818
02:12:34.720 --> 02:12:40.240
it won't go away automatically. And so if that happens, that's fine. You're just not holding

1819
02:12:40.240 --> 02:12:45.120
tight to it anymore. So it can leave if it wants to. But the reason that sometimes it's staying

1820
02:12:45.120 --> 02:12:49.520
there is because you haven't dealt with it. So in other words, you haven't made a different choice

1821
02:12:49.520 --> 02:12:56.880
other than, other than the fact that, that you haven't made a choice to let it go, to reject it,

1822
02:12:56.880 --> 02:13:03.600
to not agree with it anymore. Right. So, um, but, and then you can go through the process of,

1823
02:13:03.600 --> 02:13:08.160
of choosing, um, with the Lord, you know, Lord, I don't want this part of my life anymore. I'm

1824
02:13:08.160 --> 02:13:12.320
asking you to remove it. Um, I'm coming out of agreement with it. You say that this isn't who

1825
02:13:12.320 --> 02:13:16.640
you are. This isn't who I am. And therefore there's no reason for it to stick around.

1826
02:13:18.080 --> 02:13:24.240
Um, let's see here. Um, something, okay, now something else that you can do. This is not

1827
02:13:24.240 --> 02:13:31.440
a forgiveness thing. This is part of a practice of, um, oh, wait, one more thing about, about

1828
02:13:31.440 --> 02:13:36.080
forgiveness. Another thing that you can do, and I've done this, it's very factual is to take the

1829
02:13:36.080 --> 02:13:41.920
thing before the Lord. And in like, maybe whether it's a rock or it's a person or it's your, I mean,

1830
02:13:41.920 --> 02:13:46.960
meaning like, um, I was, I I've done this practice with a person before. So that's what I was thinking

1831
02:13:46.960 --> 02:13:51.680
person, but certain aspects of yourself or certain aspects of the Lord that you were having, um,

1832
02:13:51.680 --> 02:13:55.920
that you're holding against him. You take each of those things before the Lord. And then it's

1833
02:13:55.920 --> 02:14:01.440
like you sever them. You feel that there, you put the thing outside of you and put it before the

1834
02:14:01.440 --> 02:14:07.040
Lord and you'll feel or see this string attaching you to it. And you tell the Lord very intentionally,

1835
02:14:07.040 --> 02:14:12.480
Lord, I am severing my connection with this thing. And you'll feel it. If you intentionally do it,

1836
02:14:12.480 --> 02:14:16.160
and you're saying, no, no, no, I seriously, I'm making a willful, intentional decision to separate

1837
02:14:16.160 --> 02:14:21.200
myself when you separate it. And you say, Lord, I'm, I'm cutting off. I am cutting the strand

1838
02:14:21.200 --> 02:14:26.240
between me and it, you will disconnect yourself to it. And that's another way that you can kind

1839
02:14:26.240 --> 02:14:32.480
of walk yourself, trying to let go with something. Um, and okay. So now back to the other thing I was

1840
02:14:32.480 --> 02:14:41.600
talking about, this is about X. This is a practice of how to accept, um, yourself, even when you're

1841
02:14:41.600 --> 02:14:46.720
doing something that even in the middle of your sin, even in the middle, middle of something that

1842
02:14:46.720 --> 02:14:52.000
you, that you're doing, that you're ashamed of that you normally feel ashamed of or whatever.

1843
02:14:52.000 --> 02:14:56.800
Um, this is what I did did made a huge, huge difference for me. It helped me not

1844
02:14:56.800 --> 02:14:59.760
only accept the fullness of myself. It also helped.

1845
02:15:00.000 --> 02:15:05.840
me realize that God fully accepts me as I am. Um, and even in the middle of sin. So again,

1846
02:15:05.840 --> 02:15:10.720
we're not saying that sin is okay. And we're not accepting sin. We're accepting ourselves,

1847
02:15:10.720 --> 02:15:17.600
even though we're in unbelief about something. Um, uh, and that is, so if you're struggling,

1848
02:15:17.600 --> 02:15:23.440
if you're, if you have something that you are struggling to forgive yourself for, so you're

1849
02:15:23.440 --> 02:15:28.880
having a hard time letting something go, use that as an opportunity to practice full acceptance of

1850
02:15:28.880 --> 02:15:35.440
your whole self, including this part of you that can't let go, that can't forgive. Um, so turn to

1851
02:15:35.440 --> 02:15:40.560
God while that thing is still present in your life, while that thing that you can't let go of

1852
02:15:40.560 --> 02:15:45.200
is still there, whether it's against him or against you or whatever. And then, and then

1853
02:15:45.200 --> 02:15:50.800
while that thing is present and while you're with the Lord, that thing is still hanging out over

1854
02:15:50.800 --> 02:15:56.880
here. You know, you haven't let go of it. Maybe you haven't even asked God, you know, you know,

1855
02:15:56.880 --> 02:16:03.040
well, you haven't been able to let go of it. Let me just make it simple. Then ask God for something,

1856
02:16:04.320 --> 02:16:09.760
you know, petition him for something, ask him for something special, ask him to show you to do

1857
02:16:09.760 --> 02:16:16.480
something special for you today, to, um, uh, I don't know, to, to show you love in a special way

1858
02:16:16.480 --> 02:16:22.880
or to, uh, send you some, I don't know, I don't know, whatever, whatever's on your heart that you

1859
02:16:22.880 --> 02:16:28.560
feel that God, that, that, that you, that you feel like asking God for that, you believe that

1860
02:16:28.560 --> 02:16:33.200
he'll do for you. Just ask him for something. And here's the whole thing. Here's the, here's the

1861
02:16:33.200 --> 02:16:41.680
point. I began to do that when I had sin in my life. And, and I, in order to teach myself that

1862
02:16:41.680 --> 02:16:47.360
I did not, that connection between God and me was not removed simply because I had sin.

1863
02:16:48.320 --> 02:16:53.280
Um, that I always had connection with the Lord because he says so, but I always have that. Um,

1864
02:16:53.280 --> 02:16:57.200
they always had the intimacy and he always still talks to me and he's always still good to me

1865
02:16:57.760 --> 02:17:03.360
because his goodness to me is not, it's not a tit for tat. It's not a trade based on how good I am

1866
02:17:03.360 --> 02:17:10.240
to him. It's him just simply being who it is that he is. And so in order to teach myself that I began

1867
02:17:10.240 --> 02:17:14.160
to, when I had sin that I was very aware of that I was having, that I was struggling with,

1868
02:17:14.719 --> 02:17:20.480
I would just allow that to just be in the presence of me and God when I was with God.

1869
02:17:20.480 --> 02:17:24.879
And then I would ask God for something. In other words, I'm his child coming to him,

1870
02:17:24.879 --> 02:17:29.920
fully accepting and expecting the fact that I am fully loved and expect accepted by God.

1871
02:17:29.920 --> 02:17:33.920
And that he loves me unconditionally. And he loves to give me gifts and he loves to,

1872
02:17:34.719 --> 02:17:41.440
he loves to pour out his abundance on me. And I fully expect that as a, as a king, I can come

1873
02:17:41.680 --> 02:17:47.040
as a king, as his precious son, I can come and ask him for stuff. And that he loves me. And

1874
02:17:47.040 --> 02:17:53.120
because he loves me, he's going to, and because he loves being kind to me and in whatever that he

1875
02:17:53.120 --> 02:17:59.360
will, that he'll do, that he'll just continue to be good for me, good to me, even when I,

1876
02:17:59.360 --> 02:18:05.120
I had sin in my life. And then I was watching him do it. I was watching him answer my requests over

1877
02:18:05.120 --> 02:18:09.840
and over and over, even though I would have these sins in my life that I was still struggling with.

1878
02:18:09.840 --> 02:18:15.600
And that helped me disassociate my, my relationship with God. In other words,

1879
02:18:15.600 --> 02:18:20.879
disassociate what I thought. Disassociate my relationship with God from my behavior

1880
02:18:21.760 --> 02:18:30.080
and learn that no, I am, I'm my relationship with God is always. And that I always that my

1881
02:18:30.080 --> 02:18:37.440
relationship with God is always stable, regardless of whether there's aspects of my soul, my body

1882
02:18:37.440 --> 02:18:44.400
that are in unbelief. And that God doesn't stop talking to me simply because I have sinned that

1883
02:18:44.400 --> 02:18:50.639
I'm struggling with. Right. And that taught me that he fully loves and accepts me just as I am

1884
02:18:50.639 --> 02:18:54.240
while I'm sitting and doesn't change how he interacts with me. So that taught me how to

1885
02:18:54.240 --> 02:18:59.840
do the same thing for myself at a fully love and accept myself because I had that experience with

1886
02:18:59.840 --> 02:19:04.719
God. I realized that that, that what he said really was a reality because I'd experienced it.

1887
02:19:04.719 --> 02:19:09.680
So why it was easier for me to then do that for myself and provide that for myself, because I

1888
02:19:09.680 --> 02:19:15.440
realized it's a real thing that's possible. So I chose to start providing that type of a real

1889
02:19:15.440 --> 02:19:21.360
life experience for myself, fully loving and accepting myself, regardless of sin existing in

1890
02:19:21.360 --> 02:19:32.719
my life. Okay. Last thing I know I'm giving y'all an awful lot today. It's who knows how long this

1891
02:19:32.719 --> 02:19:37.520
thing has been. I think it's probably been the longest one I've done this far, but I hope that

1892
02:19:37.520 --> 02:19:42.400
it's very helpful. Okay. So I I'm really trying to provide y'all with everything I can possibly

1893
02:19:42.400 --> 02:19:47.600
think of and I'm not skipping anything, you know, just in case it's, it gives you something that is

1894
02:19:47.600 --> 02:19:56.960
very impactful. I used to be a perfectionist and I was in terrible bondage to it. I mean,

1895
02:19:57.840 --> 02:19:59.920
it's not, it wasn't OCD, but it was like,

1896
02:20:00.000 --> 02:20:02.960
It reminds it would remind you of OCD.

1897
02:20:02.960 --> 02:20:08.960
It was so, I don't know, it was just, it was, it was so damaging to myself.

1898
02:20:09.440 --> 02:20:17.240
Um, and I would, uh, it, I would back then, you know, we didn't use computers,

1899
02:20:17.320 --> 02:20:21.400
um, for, for school back in the, I think it was in the nineties.

1900
02:20:21.440 --> 02:20:23.340
It made me, I don't know if y'all did, we did not.

1901
02:20:23.340 --> 02:20:24.800
And so everything, you know, was handwritten.

1902
02:20:24.800 --> 02:20:30.280
So when we had, uh, we had a lot of papers that were due in my school.

1903
02:20:30.680 --> 02:20:34.240
Um, I did homeschool curriculum and I had a lot of papers that was always due.

1904
02:20:34.240 --> 02:20:37.120
I have more research papers than I.

1905
02:20:37.640 --> 02:20:40.360
You know, can even remember that I've ever written.

1906
02:20:40.360 --> 02:20:41.500
It was just, it was a lot.

1907
02:20:41.500 --> 02:20:43.760
So I always had a lot of handwritten stuff that I had to do.

1908
02:20:44.120 --> 02:20:47.480
And the way that I was taught was that you have to do first draft, a second

1909
02:20:47.480 --> 02:20:52.520
draft, a first draft and a second draft in pencil, first draft, edit it, edit

1910
02:20:52.600 --> 02:20:57.680
it in like pen, second draft in pencil, edited in pen, and then do the final

1911
02:20:57.680 --> 02:21:04.600
draft in pen, well, what I, I began to, because I was taking so long trying to

1912
02:21:04.600 --> 02:21:08.280
make everything so perfect and wasn't accepting anything from myself other

1913
02:21:08.280 --> 02:21:12.160
than absolute perfection, but I began to do as I realized, you know, I'm

1914
02:21:12.160 --> 02:21:13.280
in bondage to this thing.

1915
02:21:13.320 --> 02:21:15.680
I was in eighth grade when I realized this.

1916
02:21:15.680 --> 02:21:17.560
And I thought this is terrible.

1917
02:21:17.840 --> 02:21:20.560
This I can't, I can't imagine what this is going to do the rest

1918
02:21:20.560 --> 02:21:22.000
of my life if I stay like this.

1919
02:21:22.000 --> 02:21:25.640
So I need to, um, I'm harder.

1920
02:21:25.880 --> 02:21:28.040
I felt that I was harder on myself than God was.

1921
02:21:29.040 --> 02:21:31.880
So I thought, what can I do to break myself out of this?

1922
02:21:31.880 --> 02:21:36.600
So what I began to do is I began to write my first draft in pen.

1923
02:21:38.280 --> 02:21:40.120
I would just write it in, in pen.

1924
02:21:40.400 --> 02:21:45.080
Then what I would do is I would look it over for all the mistakes.

1925
02:21:45.080 --> 02:21:48.360
So I would be very aware that they're there because see, I had it.

1926
02:21:48.360 --> 02:21:49.440
I wasn't a student.

1927
02:21:49.920 --> 02:21:52.880
I would get very upset, very upset.

1928
02:21:52.920 --> 02:21:59.000
If I had anything less than a hundred, I would get a 99.7, five, because we

1929
02:21:59.000 --> 02:22:02.400
have like 0.25 points off for like misspellings and whatever, and I would

1930
02:22:02.400 --> 02:22:06.720
be so frustrated and I'm looking all over to see, you know, if it really

1931
02:22:06.720 --> 02:22:09.640
wasn't misspelling and to see if I needed to contest it and all kinds of

1932
02:22:09.640 --> 02:22:13.960
stuff, because I just had to have everything, everything had to be a

1933
02:22:13.960 --> 02:22:15.440
hundred, everything had to be perfect.

1934
02:22:15.840 --> 02:22:21.320
And so what I began to do is I began to look over for mistakes that I would do

1935
02:22:22.240 --> 02:22:24.320
mistakes so that I know that they were all there.

1936
02:22:24.880 --> 02:22:27.880
And then I would hand in my paper with all those mistakes, very intentionally

1937
02:22:27.880 --> 02:22:31.680
knowing they were there instead of looking for them, trying to correct

1938
02:22:31.680 --> 02:22:33.400
them and handing them in.

1939
02:22:33.640 --> 02:22:38.880
And that's because I was so, I was too much on, I was, I was way over

1940
02:22:39.520 --> 02:22:41.240
on the scale of perfectionism.

1941
02:22:41.320 --> 02:22:46.360
And it was, like I said, I wasn't fully, I wasn't okay.

1942
02:22:47.040 --> 02:22:54.000
With me just being me, I had to perform at a ridiculously high level.

1943
02:22:54.000 --> 02:22:56.320
And that was the standard that I kept holding myself to.

1944
02:22:56.880 --> 02:23:03.360
And I, and so I had to learn to accept myself in the face of mistakes in the

1945
02:23:03.360 --> 02:23:07.560
face of seeing what it is that I'd done, knowing I could be better, meaning

1946
02:23:07.800 --> 02:23:13.720
knowing I could do it different and refusing and refuse and choosing

1947
02:23:13.720 --> 02:23:16.200
instead of fully accept myself as I am.

1948
02:23:16.200 --> 02:23:18.280
So there might be something in your life.

1949
02:23:18.320 --> 02:23:21.960
If this particular story resonates with you, there might be something in your

1950
02:23:21.960 --> 02:23:28.480
life or an area in your life that is, that you just hold yourself to like, I

1951
02:23:28.480 --> 02:23:32.080
didn't know your house has to be perfectly clean all the time, or your

1952
02:23:32.080 --> 02:23:35.440
schedule has to work out like X, Y, and Z all the time, or you, I don't know,

1953
02:23:35.440 --> 02:23:38.680
whatever, give yourself some slack in those areas.

1954
02:23:38.680 --> 02:23:43.240
And very intentionally if you, if you have a hard time with you, if those

1955
02:23:43.240 --> 02:23:50.000
things don't work out just perfectly, then don't let yourself do some of those

1956
02:23:50.000 --> 02:23:54.640
things this might sound really weird, but I mean, unless that you have like a,

1957
02:23:54.720 --> 02:23:59.880
an official docking every time that you're late or whatever, if you don't.

1958
02:24:00.280 --> 02:24:04.200
If any of it bothers you to be late to something intentionally be late.

1959
02:24:05.920 --> 02:24:08.280
I don't know if you can do that work.

1960
02:24:08.280 --> 02:24:12.360
That may not, that may not work for your work, but if it's, if it bothers you at

1961
02:24:12.360 --> 02:24:16.560
church or at a Bible study or at a, whatever intentionally put yourself in

1962
02:24:16.560 --> 02:24:22.320
that, in those situations to choose for yourself and acting on faith, no.

1963
02:24:22.960 --> 02:24:28.520
I'm deciding that I own my own life and that, that I fully love and accept

1964
02:24:28.520 --> 02:24:30.680
myself as I am, and I'm perfectly fine.

1965
02:24:30.680 --> 02:24:37.360
And it's not based on performance and and, and learn to disassociate your

1966
02:24:37.360 --> 02:24:41.560
acceptance from your behavior, from how you approve or disapprove of your

1967
02:24:41.560 --> 02:24:42.080
behavior.

1968
02:24:42.600 --> 02:24:44.000
Those are just some things that I did.

1969
02:24:44.000 --> 02:24:47.640
And so if it resonates with you, if you feel like, Oh, my word, that really

1970
02:24:47.640 --> 02:24:51.120
did actually highlight from hearing that story actually highlighted for me, this

1971
02:24:51.120 --> 02:24:54.360
particular area of my life, see if there's something that you can do to kind

1972
02:24:54.360 --> 02:24:58.920
of like break that break your bondage to it.

1973
02:24:58.920 --> 02:24:59.920
Not saying that you.

1974
02:25:00.000 --> 02:25:15.000
You live like that forever. You start being late. You start whatever we're not talking about that. We're talking about breaking the bondage that it has over you. And so anyway, hopefully that's helpful and it's good to be with y'all today and I will see you later.