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Hey. Hey, how you doing? I'm good. How are you? Good. You look like a fun soccer mom.

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I'm actually a tired, greasy haired mom. Just a regular mom today.

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That's so funny. Well, I don't know if you knew, but today is a very exciting day for me. I started working with Josh. Josh Fryler.

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Yes, Carrie said. Oh my goodness.

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Yes, I'm excited. We had our first meeting today so that he could walk me through where he is on one of his projects.

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Anyway, getting back into all of that business stuff. I'm very excited about it.

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Josh and I talked about this years ago. When I first met him, he was in marketing.

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But then over time, he switched into doing what I used to do.

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When I decided that I wanted to get back into it, I reached out to Josh and he did. He said, actually, this is perfect timing.

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Carrie said it was a huge answer to prayer.

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Which was great because it was a huge answer to my prayers as well. In fact, I had a dream about it. Hey, Ed.

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I had a dream about it. I'm not really sure if I told y'all this or not. Did I tell you about the dream that God gave me about going back to work?

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I don't think so.

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I was planning to go back to work and Ed says that my brain is one of those that needs to be watched like a dog.

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My analytical brain needs something to noodle on and a challenge.

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I think that all of your hobbies are giving you enough mental stimulation.

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You're right.

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Because they were great for a while and then after a while, they just don't provide the mental challenge.

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I decided to go back to work.

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I didn't know. I was like, okay, what should I look for?

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Should I look for just anything or look for something I've already done?

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I had this dream where there was a salon where you've got all of these different booths and everybody rents that space.

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They have their own business.

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It was like that only in my dream, there were seven desks.

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Three of them belonged to this one hairdresser and she was leaving so it was going to be available.

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I thought, oh, well, maybe I could do that.

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I could rent that space and I could be a hairdresser.

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Then this other lady jumped in my dream and she said, oh, no, no, no.

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I'm going to ask to rent that space.

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I was like, okay, we'll give it to her and then I'll look for something else.

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Not everybody in this place to rent booths, not everyone was a hairdresser.

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It just happened to be the two that I was talking about that I looked at in my dream, they were hairdressers.

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Anyway, there was this one other desk that a hairdresser was going to leave.

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I was like, okay, well, if my friend's going to take this, well, I'll just take this other one.

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All of a sudden, I caught myself in the dream thinking, why on earth am I, if I'm looking for a job, why on earth am I looking to create a business from something that I don't know anything about?

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Why don't I pick something within my wheelhouse, something that I already know how to do?

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I woke up from the dream and I knew from that dream, because of how it ended, I knew that God was telling me, Ashley, don't just take anything.

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Ed and I had talked about just me getting a job at Hobby Lobby to get employee discounts and just have fun.

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It's something that wasn't mentally taxing, but it would get me out of the house and doing something.

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I was wondering, well, Lord, am I supposed to be open to that or am I supposed to be specific?

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What I have for you is to look for something within your wheelhouse and your past experience.

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I remember Josh and two other people and reached out to all three.

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Josh got back to me within an hour and said, hey, do you have time this afternoon?

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I said, I do.

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I'm going to marry you.

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Wow.

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I love that.

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That's how it worked out.

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Annette, I was just telling Priscilla that I haven't worked an actual job job outside of my ministry for, I don't know, at least,

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four, four years, if not five. And, um, and today I started to

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work, uh, started, um, a contract job with her brother-in-law.

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Oh, wow. So it's the first day. Yeah. Because of, uh, Oh, good.

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We, we just, it was pretty easy. We just had a meeting about, uh,

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for him to catch me up on where they are on where he is on his

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project. And, and to give me an assignment of like the first

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thing that, that, um, you know, that I can take on. So that's

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what, anyway, so that was my stuff today, along with the fact

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that I'm really not feeling well at all. I'm able to be this

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perky because I took ibuprofen. I had to take two ibuprofen. Like

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I had to double the dose this morning to get on the, on the

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call with Josh. Cause it was like, I need my brain. I've got

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to, I can't have brain fog. I really have to concentrate. So I

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took two this morning and then I, when we got off, I laid down

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and I took a nap for at least an hour and a half or an hour, 45

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minutes, something like that. And then I got up for this call

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and Ed made me lunch and I took another ibuprofen. I don't know

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what I asked. I had a little bit of a fever this morning, but

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it's one of those where you have aches and pains all over. You

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just like, it's just not fun. But yeah, those are my updates.

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So who's going to go first today? Annette, you want to go

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first today?

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Sure. Um, I don't, I've been listening to the teaching like a

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couple of times and I'm, I'm not going to say I'm trying. So I'm

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going to say I'm embracing the parts of myself that I don't

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like. I'm, I'm, I'm,

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are you trying to understand what I'm saying in the, in the

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teaching? Or, or is it like, Oh, no, it's more, it's more that I

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it's more that I get it, but I don't get it. You know what I

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mean? Like I get it, but I don't know how to do it. You know,

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like, I mean, I'm, I'm, and then I'm not gonna like, so I want to

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say try. And then I'm like, so that's how I know I'm not, you

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know, like, I'm, I think a lot of things were like,

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resonating, as I was listening to it, like, I've definitely

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like, even before listening to it, I had this, um, this day,

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and I was just like, you know, accepting my body or whatever.

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And I just like started crying, because I was like, Oh, I'm so

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sorry. Like, I've been really mean to you, you know, like, and

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like, people have been really mean to you, you know, like

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throughout your entire life. And it was just like, it was one of

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those things. And so I think I'm starting to like, embrace that.

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And, um, yeah, I started working out again, today, I got my

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kitchen, like, there's like some things like, just physically

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that are like falling into place, like just but, but I can

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still feel that I'm like, my heart is racing still. And you

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know, so I'm not able to live fully in rest with like

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everything that's going on. You know what I mean? So I feel

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like, Oh, my heart is racing. I'm at the conference. And I was

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like, I'm like, I'm gonna go and see what she talks on. And if

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it's not aligned with what I'm teaching, like learning right

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now, I'm just gonna leave. But then it was so I was like, Okay,

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well, here's like some physical, like, being able to just like

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respond and go get prayer and you know, like all these things.

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So it was like a really beautiful weekend. But at the

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same time, I noticed I'm having a hard time connecting when I'm

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like around a lot of people if that makes sense. Like I it's

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it's easier when I'm kind of like by my by myself at home. I

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don't know. So I don't know, I'm having like a hard time. I can

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like feel the presence but it's like it's, it's a lot of

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commotion for me many times when I'm there. It's like, you know,

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like people's like all the stations and falling down, you

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know, and I'm like, and it's fine. Like, I'm not bothered by

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it. But it's like, um, yeah,

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you're something like lots of activity or

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sorry. So it's busy and noisy. Like lots of activity or

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yeah, I just feel like I get very aware of everybody else

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that's around if that makes sense. Okay, yeah. So it's like

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if I just sit in the morning with God, I can like feel his

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presence. And I'm like, I can connect more with what he's

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wanting to show

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know me or you know, but then when I'm at church, and it's

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like a lot of people, it just becomes so chaotic. It's like,

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so it's so many people, it's so many, I can't really, I can't

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just connect in and out of like, worship, you know, like,

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what are you asking? Do you feel like you're struggling to

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connect to people as you're shifting person? I mean, oh,

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yeah. So you don't know this. So it's actually I've since I was

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in the States. And with like, Iris ministries, and all of

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this, I had like this really tight community of people. And

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I felt like we were going after kind of like this, you know,

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like, you're going after the same thing. And it's like,

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everybody's kind of like connecting the same in worship.

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And then when I came back, it was like, I just couldn't

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connect with my church anymore. And like the people that I'd

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been had, yeah, and like the people I'd been hanging out

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with wasn't there anymore. And the people that there were a few

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that were left of the people that I'd been hanging out with

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before, but it was like, I didn't connect with them the

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same same way. And so and then COVID came, you know, and it

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was like, and then everybody was at home. And it was just I could

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then feel like I would get more and get closer to God doing

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programs like this, you know, connecting with people online,

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worshipping at home, you know, so it's been so I haven't really

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I've just been on it. So they probably think I've walked away

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from my faith or something, you know, everybody's just like, Oh,

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my goodness, it's so good to see you. It's like, I mean, it's,

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it's, it's, yeah, so I've kind of like been because I love

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community and all of that. But I've been kind of looking for

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haven't really found anything here. There aren't that many,

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you know, churches, and I don't want to go just to go, you know,

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just because, you know, that's kind of not what's sustaining

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my faith. And I Yeah. But anyway, so that was like my

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first time time back. And it was I mean, it was it was a good

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conference. And I got a lot of things, but I could still feel

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that I can relate to what you're talking about, where it's like,

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Oh, I haven't, like, why haven't I gotten further, you know, or

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why am I not getting this? Or I can feel where I'm like, Oh, I

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felt like I had breakthrough. Like y'all know, before, like

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the court ruling came and all of that, and now kind of walking it

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after, when you were talking about the forgiving, like

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ourselves and God, then I kind of felt like, Oh, wow, I should

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probably forgive her to you. Like, I have forgiven her to

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some extent for what she's done for my dad, too much what she

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did to my dad. But then there was like a whole nother layer of

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just like forgiving, actually, like, leaving him alone, you

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know, like that. And then it's almost like I could see a door

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was being shut. So I felt like, Oh, I felt like, what it felt

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like to me was, as I felt as I did that, God closed the door,

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because he was like, Thank you, this is what I needed to fully

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close the door, I needed you to like release that forgiveness,

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you know, but then I kind of freak out after because I'm like,

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Oh, no, now I'm expecting this outcome to be standing or like,

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should I be doing that? So I'm still struggling in that, you

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know, where I'm like, still trying to. So there was

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something else you said in the teaching where I'm like, Oh,

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yeah, that's exactly what it is. And I forget what it was. But

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it's kind of like, I'm choosing to believe he's all these

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things. And he has manifested in goodness, both in this and like

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with all the dreams and everything, you know what I mean?

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Like, but at the same time, I think there's I can still feel

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there's part of me that's kind of expecting him to just like

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pull the rug, you know, to be like, Oh, well, now I'm gonna do

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this, because now you got this, but will you do I think when you

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told your story about not getting the thing, you know, and

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I was like, Oh, yeah, that's probably part of me is still

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feeling like, oh, he's probably gonna pull the rug to see like,

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well, will you still stick with me then, you know, so I still

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have that thing. And I'm like, Oh, I, I want to be further. And

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then you were talking about no love the places in yourself

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where you haven't gotten where you want to be. And I'm like,

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yes. Yeah. So yeah. Yeah. Well, um, yeah, the thing about the

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um, about Yeah. Sorry, I'm trying to figure out how to how

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to start because my mind is like already in

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middle of a conversation about where I'm going. They're not

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with you actually have to back up and start over. We feel like

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we're, you know, what we talked about last time, you know,

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there's this, this waiting for the shoe to drop this risk of

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disappointment, etc. Because we we've built well, multiple

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reasons, but one of it is we have built this theology of our

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relationship with not not our relationship with God, and how

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God interacts with this and what he like, does to us, and how he

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teaches us that isn't quite accurate. We've believed that

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well, he does all of this stuff to teach us lessons. And to make

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sure that we've learned our lesson. And there, like I said,

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there's something about what it is that we believed about all of

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that, what what that means to like, learn a lesson that, like

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I said, isn't accurate. So God's view of learning lessons is and,

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and taking us through or allowing things to happen that

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are stretching for us is not like it wasn't school where

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you're where you have to take a test and you're abandoned and

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alone, and you had all this build up for weeks, teaching you

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something, and you have a test to ensure that you've learned it

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and you're based and you're very alone when you take the test,

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you're not allowed to talk to anybody, you don't like anybody

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else's paper, no talking, no, you know, it isolates you in the

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person, you know, there's this fear that can creep up. You know,

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some people are very bad test takers, they can all this stuff

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with a very bad test takers for this reason, that they that they

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kind of freeze when they have to quote unquote, perform. And

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there's this mini trauma that has that has arisen in us as a

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thinking that when we're when we're going through a test, or

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when we're learning a lesson, in any area, including with the

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Lord, that it's going to be a very isolating event, that he's

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already taught us everything we're supposed to know. And at

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that point, and now we're being left alone, tested to on

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remembering everything that he's already taught us. And that's

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not quite how it works. So what what is happening is when we're

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going through a testing period, it's where we're being

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stretched, where we'll be where God is like he has invested

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things in us, and he's taught us things about himself. And he

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wants us to step out in faith. But there's always an amount

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that we haven't yet learned that you're stretched in the test. So

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the test is still like a learning thing, you're still

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learning in it, and you're not alone, he's with you, because

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his whole point is not for us to do certain things to execute to

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perform his whole purpose, what it is that he's, that he's

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trying to get us to an end life is how to live life with him,

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how to have a relationship with him. So part of the test is us

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interacting with and relating with the Lord, while and he's

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teaching us during the test. But the test is just stretching.

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We're like, okay, so so here's my point. Part of it is part of

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my point is, there's just a lot going on in this in this

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subject. But part of my point is that you don't have you haven't

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learned everything you need to learn by the time you get in the

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test. The test is you applying what it is that you know,

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because God's giving you a particular direction, but he's

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still with you in the test, y'all are still talking about

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you're still learning how to how to how to implement it, how to

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step into it, how to relate to him, how to believe that he is

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who he is, despite the, despite the attack of the threat of what

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the world is doing at the time that seems so counter. And it

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seems to evidence the exact opposite to whatever God is

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saying, you know, and then there's, and then there's also a

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there's a further risk that you haven't experienced before in

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any, in any of the other tests, there's like, okay, well,

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there's this one will have to stretch a bit more. So it kind

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of, my point is saying all that is it, it hopefully, this is how

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it is for me, it relieves me of the pressure during the test.

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Like, I'm supposed that it's all about getting it right. It's not

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about getting it right. It's not about passing. That's what we

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always think of this test is there's all of this groundwork

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of learning. And then let's see if you, you regurgitate it

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alone. And let's see if you pass. And if you don't pass,

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well, then we're going to do it again. It's not like this past

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thing. It's more, it's more just like, hey, I'm needing you to

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stretch. So in this situation that is called a test, stretch.

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And if you don't stretch, well, then we're going to go around again, because we're going

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to go around again so that this time you'll stretch, but it's not a pass fail thing.

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Also tests are God simply are not punishment, you know, for something that we've done wrong.

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It's actually just simply an invitation to move into more freedom.

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So that's all that it is.

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It's not, Hey, let's make sure that you've learned the right thing.

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Make sure you memorize the rules and that you interact with it correctly and they do

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the right actions and all of that.

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It's instead God's what tests are, what suffering and trials are, or where the aspects of our soul

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and our body, our flesh are not in line with our spirit.

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And that's what the trust and trial is.

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That's what the struggle is.

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It's the fact that body and that flesh and spirit are warring against one another.

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God says, you know, your soul and your flesh, your soul and your body, they're, they're

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currently manifesting the fact that they're in bondage and they're in, they are opposite

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acting opposite of the, of the spirit, meaning like your spirit.

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And so therefore you're going to experience pain because it's a house divided against

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itself.

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It's not supposed to be like that.

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And so whenever it's acting outside of its normal way that it was created to function,

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it's going to create pain because like, I want to invite you into freedom.

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I want you're in bondage now.

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Life is actually a lot harder now than it would be if you changed than it would be if

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you stretch than it would be if you believed me.

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So what I'm doing is I'm inviting you to step into more freedom.

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I will treat you the same.

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I will talk to you the same.

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You may communicate with you the same and relate with you the same if you don't do it.

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Why? Because you have all of me now.

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You're completely unified with me now, just like you would be if you did this, you know,

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and you went in, you stretched and you believed me and all of that.

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Oh, I, you have just as much as me now as you will have of me then, because you're

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completely unified, but you won't get to experience as much of me.

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If you stay here, then you would, if you, if you did this.

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So what he's simply doing is he's giving us, he's already given us everything of

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himself. Think of the, of how the father reacted when the prodigal son came home.

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That's like, it's always open, but are you going to take this step and choose that

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you want it or not?

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But as far as I'm always going to look on you favorably, I'm always going to be

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looking for you to come home.

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I'm always excited about it.

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You know, I'm always whatever, everything, you know, our communication, you know, I'm

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going to still talk to you.

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I'm going to still guide you.

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You know, I don't shut off communication.

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If you choose to not step into this other thing, you're just limiting the degree to

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which we interact and relate, and therefore you don't get all of the benefits.

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So it's all, it's all, all of these struggles and trials are simply an invitation into

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more freedom, not, you know, this is a test to see if you've learned something.

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Does that help at all?

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It, you know, for me, it has tremendously opened me up and freed me in the middle of

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tests and struggles, struggles, trials, you know, pain, because I'm not so afraid of

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making mistakes of getting it wrong because God's not testing me.

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Like I was tested in, by it, in the world.

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He's inviting me into more freedom.

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It's uses the same word test, but it's, but it doesn't, um, we're not isolated and

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alone.

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He hasn't taught us everything we need to know in order to pass the test.

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The rest of it is done in the middle of it, you know, and he offers his assistance and

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you can ask questions during the test and it will help you during the test.

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Because remember that all of the test is, I want you to stop doing it and let me do

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it.

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That's all of the tests.

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All of the tests are always stop doing it and let me do it as opposed to in the world,

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which is no, I'm not going to help you.

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And you've got to do it on your own.

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This is like, this isn't even like, Hey, I'll do it with you.

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It's like, Hey, what I'm teaching you to do is I'm teaching you, you know, talking

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about like moving into more freedom.

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I'm teaching you that, that you no longer have to do this for yourself.

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Trust me enough to let go and let me do that.

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And those are all of our tests.

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So there, so tests and trials and struggles, it's always a good thing.

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It's always about a good thing.

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It's always about a good experience.

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The difficulty of the experience is the fact that we don't want to let go, but

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everything that we're moving towards, it's all positive.

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And the process itself is positive because the process itself is doing it with the

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Lord, where we don't have to be afraid of mistakes because he knows he's never done

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it before.

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It's like.

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toddler learning to walk, he doesn't expect us to pop up, never having watched before and start

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running. He knows we're going to fall, like he created babies with extra fat and then like very

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limber, flexible, um, bones and joint, uh, you know, uh, joints because he knew that they were

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going to fall and everything needed to be able to, to, to bounce back. So he like made provision

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for it. And so he does that in the spirit as well. He's not as harsh as we make him out to be.

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Yeah. Yeah. Cause I think that's it. I think it's just, I, I speak about it to other people

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and I'm just like, yes, I believe this and I believe it's sober. And then I can still feel,

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oh, but there's part of me that actually don't trust him, you know, to actually see it through.

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And that's just annoying to me because I'm like, oh, but I say it and I want to believe it. And

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I've chosen it. And I'm like, why can't like my body and my soul get with the program kind of,

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you know, cause I'm like, why am I stressing? I shouldn't be stressing. I should just be relaxing

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and trusting God. And it's like, but I think cause it's just like blown out of proportion

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and it's like in so much media and so many people, you know, but it's like, but that's

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fine. It's like, I'm okay with it. Like, I'm like, okay, God, well,

361
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you're doing something with that too. Like it's, it's, um, um, um, it's, so I, I think it's just

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that whole, it's the same thing I'm working on kind of, and maybe I've gotten further than I,

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I think, I don't know, like I am talking to him and talking to my body and all of these things

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too, like just embracing and, um, but I'm always in a rush, you know, I always want things to

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happen really fast. So, um, yeah. So I think I just get frustrated with myself that I'm like,

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ah, why don't you just like fully trust him and be like, it's done. And it's great. And it's like,

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what's your problem? Like, why can't you just trust? And then I have to embrace that part of

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myself too, that doesn't trust and be like, God, I don't know. Like I choose to, but I can feel that

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my soul and my body is not aligning. And I don't know why. And I have to embrace that because I

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don't know what to do with it, except for like, I choose to trust you and try to move light or just

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like move, not try, but just move towards that and the different tool. Cause yeah, I, yeah,

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but I'm probably scared of being disappointed, you know, which is what we've been talking about

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before. So, yeah. You know, what I've been talking about, about like believing that,

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you know, choosing God over the outcome is very, very hard to do. So sometimes,

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you know, it's, and now it's not done overnight. So God will,

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it often walks us through, you know, smaller steps. So one of the things that I would recommend

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for you, that is just feeling like too big of a stretch and too much to do. Yeah. I mean,

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I mean, just like too much to process through and to believe and to trust in, you can take

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smaller steps of believing. How do I put this? Believe God to the degree that you can have faith

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to the degree that you can and hold on to that. And don't worry about like this extra and this

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more and then it's whatever that'll come. So you can, so in the midst of, of all of this,

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you know, the, the question of like, is something else going to happen? Is another shoe going to

383
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drop? You can just continue to choose. Okay. You know, my, um, Oh, I hope that it, and my God is

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good. And my God is safe. And my God provides not that God's going to do a particular thing.

385
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And here's, and, and here's why it's different than what I was saying before and why it's like

386
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a smaller baby step in faith. And these are the types of things that I had to do

387
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is you are, it's almost like you're disregarding and not thinking about whether or not you're

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choosing to let go of the possibility that it could happen, like that, that the shoe could

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drop and that they'd appeal and that they'd get approved for the appeal and all of that.

390
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You're just choosing to just let that go and not worry about it happening. It doesn't mean that

391
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God won't allow it. And it's not going to happen, but you choose instead of trying to protect

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ourselves from something from the possibility of something happened, we choose happening.

393
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We choose instead to not protect ourselves emotionally against the possibility of it

394
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happening. So basically we leave ourselves vulnerable to it happening.

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choose instead to ignore the fact that it could happen and, and stop and stop thinking about it,

396
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stop giving it any emotional energy, stop considering it emotionally as a possibility

397
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and just choosing instead, Oh my word, God was this good. He did this and he did that.

398
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It's continuing to, and it continues to be like that. And it's going to be like that. Yeah. And,

399
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and, and, um, yeah, sorry. Thought I thought of another way to explain it, but anyway,

400
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I think, yeah, it does make sense. And I think it's also like, as you're talking,

401
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I'm realizing it's also probably cause in this whole like ordeal, like I'm the only believer,

402
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like of everybody who's involved, like really closely. And so I think I just have this like

403
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pressure on myself to want people to see that it's like, Oh, how can you have so much peace?

404
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How can you just be so sure? How can I mean, I do say a lot of those things where I actually

405
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feel like I'm sure about things, but then that also leaves me like, Ooh, well, what if it's not,

406
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you know, but I'm, I'm, I liked when you said, well, the outcome or however I am, it's not

407
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depending on, you know, salvation, like that's, Jesus is the one who saves, you know, so it's

408
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like, but I would have, I would want to, you know, in my ideal world, I'd be like, I fully trust and

409
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this is what it's like. And everybody can see that, wow, she's clearly not living in this world.

410
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And she, you know what I mean? And that is like, Oh, darn, like, I'm probably just as much on this

411
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like, carousel as everybody else, maybe not. But I think that's what I'm scared of. And I just have

412
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to let that go to like, I don't, I don't have to be like a Joan of art, you know, kind of like

413
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standing on the correct barricades, choose, you just choose you and the Lord, and that you want

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to grow and develop in your journey with him, not what that looks like to other people and is going

415
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to, how it's going to affect them, but rather just you and the Lord. And then you'll get more

416
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out of it because you're focused on, okay, where do you, you and me Lord, how do we need to develop

417
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during this time, et cetera, as opposed to making sure that it looks good to everyone else or look

418
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the particular way, because you can't even control that. Even if you may look a particular way,

419
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that that's how they're going to read it or they're even going to want it. Yeah. I mean,

420
00:32:29.040 --> 00:32:32.480
it's like, we can't control that anyway. So you might as well choose the most important thing,

421
00:32:32.480 --> 00:32:38.400
which is the thing that really can transform. And yeah, it's, it's, it's out of our control,

422
00:32:38.400 --> 00:32:43.680
but that really can transform. And that is who you and God are together in your spirit

423
00:32:43.680 --> 00:32:49.200
operating into creation that gives them an actual exposure to God himself, because you're choosing

424
00:32:49.200 --> 00:32:54.560
that his kingdom is what's powerful in your life. And you're pulling joy from that you're pulling

425
00:32:55.200 --> 00:33:02.000
security from that. So as, as the events go up and down as the, as the media and the legal system,

426
00:33:02.000 --> 00:33:07.600
you know, some people's emotions, you know, on this rollercoaster, you're more stable because

427
00:33:07.600 --> 00:33:13.280
you're choosing not that God's going to do something for you, for your family, but that

428
00:33:13.280 --> 00:33:17.520
he's just good. And because he's always the same, because he's always the same thing.

429
00:33:17.520 --> 00:33:22.320
You're on an even keel, regardless of what is happening in the media or the legal system.

430
00:33:24.160 --> 00:33:28.400
But you have to choose that. We have to choose that for us. We have to, it sounds really weird,

431
00:33:28.400 --> 00:33:34.000
but you have to choose our relationship with God over our family. Really hard to do,

432
00:33:34.000 --> 00:33:41.840
because especially when we have, we have the label of God and Godliness on to taking care of family

433
00:33:41.840 --> 00:33:45.840
and loving them and whatever, then we have all of these rules about like, well, if I loved him,

434
00:33:45.840 --> 00:33:50.240
well, then I would do this. And I would act like this, but that they'd be God. And that,

435
00:33:50.240 --> 00:33:54.720
and, but even Jesus talked about the fact that he said, unless someone hates their father and mother,

436
00:33:55.520 --> 00:34:00.240
you know, they can't, they, they, what is he saying? Something like they can't follow me

437
00:34:00.240 --> 00:34:07.040
or whatever. Basically it's just, and all he's saying is he's like, they, they have to choose

438
00:34:07.040 --> 00:34:14.800
me to that degree that they abandoned everything else. If there has to be a choice between the two.

439
00:34:14.800 --> 00:34:20.719
And so, but by doing that, that gives them the greatest chance of being, of seeing God and being

440
00:34:21.120 --> 00:34:26.159
changed and affected by him. And anyway, and then Priscilla makes a really good point. Did

441
00:34:26.159 --> 00:34:31.600
you read her chat? Yeah, I saw it. Yeah. I just, I saw it. Yeah.

442
00:34:33.199 --> 00:34:39.360
Yeah. The fear that, you know, God isn't, that if we truly know God, he's going to be who I wanted

443
00:34:39.360 --> 00:34:46.400
him to be. That's the fear that I, you know, that I've dealt with, you know, as well. And that he

444
00:34:46.400 --> 00:34:49.920
says, or, you know, that we are ourselves speaking of that, that we ourselves aren't

445
00:34:49.920 --> 00:34:54.800
going to be who he wanted us to be. If we've got it, got to know ourselves. Yeah.

446
00:34:57.120 --> 00:34:59.680
So anyway, that was another good point. So isn't he

447
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:06.960
this, is any of this helpful? Yeah, yeah, it is. You are,

448
00:35:07.480 --> 00:35:12.760
whenever I try to explain this to people when they're going

449
00:35:12.760 --> 00:35:14.880
through any of the programs, whether it's the rest intensive

450
00:35:14.880 --> 00:35:19.800
or this one, that whenever you start getting frustrated or

451
00:35:19.800 --> 00:35:23.480
bogged down, because it's like, well, I'm not getting it or I'm

452
00:35:23.480 --> 00:35:28.720
trying or I'm applying and you just start to feel stuck or

453
00:35:28.720 --> 00:35:32.320
locked up, the fastest way through it is to just kind of

454
00:35:32.320 --> 00:35:36.680
let it let it go. Yeah. And meaning like that, you choose,

455
00:35:36.680 --> 00:35:40.320
you know, okay, God is good. He is provider has showed you go to

456
00:35:40.320 --> 00:35:43.040
the E is not the easiest step, go to simple step, just make

457
00:35:43.040 --> 00:35:48.520
everything very simple. And your door and then your attitude

458
00:35:48.520 --> 00:35:51.200
towards yourself very simple instead of like, okay, you need

459
00:35:51.200 --> 00:35:54.560
to get into shape, or I need to be kind to my body, or I need to

460
00:35:54.560 --> 00:35:58.080
do this, I need to do that. None of those things are supposed to

461
00:35:58.080 --> 00:36:02.640
be hard. I try to use language to explain that it's actually

462
00:36:02.920 --> 00:36:06.960
stopping all of the things that we've been doing that actually

463
00:36:06.960 --> 00:36:11.200
allow us to accept. It's stopping being hard, it's

464
00:36:11.200 --> 00:36:15.400
stopping the requirements, it's stopping, you know, all of that.

465
00:36:15.440 --> 00:36:20.960
And so that's what I do when I start feeling stuck when I'm

466
00:36:20.960 --> 00:36:25.080
trying to pursue something with the Lord. And I'm like trying to

467
00:36:25.240 --> 00:36:29.360
press into something. If I pressing in and I start to feel

468
00:36:29.400 --> 00:36:33.320
like everything starts locking down, then I learned then I know

469
00:36:33.320 --> 00:36:36.240
okay, go back to the simple things go back to remembering

470
00:36:36.240 --> 00:36:39.600
and just choosing to live in a world where God is good news

471
00:36:39.600 --> 00:36:43.280
provider and protector and that I know who he says I am I'm not

472
00:36:43.280 --> 00:36:47.680
good. I am everything I've just declared that God is. And then

473
00:36:47.720 --> 00:36:51.480
every event that those places that have started to lock down

474
00:36:51.480 --> 00:36:55.400
the side of a start to move again. And then eventually over

475
00:36:55.400 --> 00:36:59.240
time, we can we get this these breakthroughs in them, because

476
00:36:59.240 --> 00:37:03.480
we stopped. Because we allowed movement back in again, we

477
00:37:03.480 --> 00:37:06.240
allowed the spirit to come in and the winds of change to move

478
00:37:06.240 --> 00:37:09.880
things to start moving things again. So you'll get more

479
00:37:09.880 --> 00:37:16.040
progress. If you if you stop trying to apply something that

480
00:37:16.040 --> 00:37:20.840
feels like you're grinding to a halt slowly, you know, whatever

481
00:37:21.200 --> 00:37:24.080
it just just let it go and go back to the simple things

482
00:37:24.120 --> 00:37:29.040
because the execution of those is found in the simple approach

483
00:37:29.320 --> 00:37:34.040
of like, God is who says he is, I am who says that I am. And if

484
00:37:34.040 --> 00:37:37.720
you do those things, you'll naturally do what I was talking

485
00:37:37.720 --> 00:37:40.840
about in there, accepting yourself, forgiving yourself,

486
00:37:40.880 --> 00:37:47.240
all of that stuff. Excuse me. So that's what I do whenever I

487
00:37:47.240 --> 00:37:49.720
start to put myself locked down, because and then I'm not making

488
00:37:49.720 --> 00:37:53.120
progress in something that I'm trying to learn. Anyway, so is

489
00:37:53.120 --> 00:37:53.680
that helpful?

490
00:37:54.240 --> 00:37:56.400
Super helpful. Thank you so much.

491
00:37:58.800 --> 00:38:00.640
What about you, Priscilla? How are you?

492
00:38:01.440 --> 00:38:03.000
And how's the juice going?

493
00:38:06.280 --> 00:38:09.840
Look like you were making another wood. Yeah, yeah. Um,

494
00:38:09.880 --> 00:38:16.720
it's going well. I feel like, oh, had a major like, I don't

495
00:38:16.720 --> 00:38:19.560
know if you want to call it a setback, or if you want to call

496
00:38:19.560 --> 00:38:25.400
it a blip in the road or an opportunity for growth, or what

497
00:38:25.400 --> 00:38:29.680
you want to label it as, but I feel like I feel like it's taken

498
00:38:29.680 --> 00:38:32.480
the wind out of my sails physically and mentally and

499
00:38:32.480 --> 00:38:35.480
emotionally. And I know it probably sounds like someone

500
00:38:35.480 --> 00:38:45.760
died. Nobody died. But um, so I went on a walk with one of my

501
00:38:45.840 --> 00:38:49.520
friends this morning, and she's actually she's my neighbor, too.

502
00:38:49.520 --> 00:38:53.360
We go to church together. We've known each other for five years,

503
00:38:53.360 --> 00:39:02.360
probably. And she told me that, well, I've been kind of getting

504
00:39:02.360 --> 00:39:06.000
vibes from them recently that they're like, they're just kind

505
00:39:06.000 --> 00:39:08.520
of starting to like pull back from church. And I'm just like,

506
00:39:08.600 --> 00:39:13.760
okay, like, try not to panic. And anyway, she told me this

507
00:39:13.760 --> 00:39:16.560
morning. Yeah, they're like starting to visit other churches.

508
00:39:16.600 --> 00:39:20.520
And I know that, you know, it's fine. It's fine. I don't want to

509
00:39:20.520 --> 00:39:25.840
visit other churches. It just feels extremely personal. And I

510
00:39:25.840 --> 00:39:31.960
know that it's not. But I feel like, okay, so just a little bit

511
00:39:31.960 --> 00:39:35.880
of background. Her husband is would say he's a Calvinist, like

512
00:39:35.880 --> 00:39:38.800
he's reformed. And he believed on about that, you know, you

513
00:39:38.840 --> 00:39:45.640
told me about. Yeah, he's basically, like everything,

514
00:39:45.920 --> 00:39:48.720
anything that we could possibly disagree on spiritually, we

515
00:39:48.720 --> 00:39:54.320
pretty much do. And not not at all, like, no, like, we both

516
00:39:54.320 --> 00:39:58.560
love the Lord. And I, I feel like he's he lever and I can say

517
00:39:58.560 --> 00:39:59.920
like, we're part of the body.

518
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:06.060
Christ together. But I don't know how to even explain why he

519
00:40:06.060 --> 00:40:12.240
intimidates the absolute crap out of me. And he's so I don't

520
00:40:12.240 --> 00:40:17.640
know. He's very, it's very important to him to be

521
00:40:17.640 --> 00:40:22.640
theologically sound. And I mean, it's very important to me too.

522
00:40:24.360 --> 00:40:28.320
He's just very like, anyway, and it's awkward for me and my

523
00:40:28.320 --> 00:40:32.680
friend because she knows that by saying like, hey, they're

524
00:40:32.680 --> 00:40:36.160
leaving church because they feel like the messages aren't meaty

525
00:40:36.160 --> 00:40:40.000
enough. And there's not enough of a call to repentance. And

526
00:40:40.280 --> 00:40:45.120
they are extremely complimentarian and that they

527
00:40:45.120 --> 00:40:48.680
believe in biblical patriarchy and like all the things and I'm

528
00:40:48.680 --> 00:40:53.520
just like, I know it's awkward for her because she and she

529
00:40:53.520 --> 00:40:56.200
told and we've been talking like she's like, she hates this

530
00:40:56.200 --> 00:40:59.320
because some of her closest friends are at Honeybrook, which

531
00:40:59.320 --> 00:41:02.240
is the church we go to and she doesn't know how to process all

532
00:41:02.240 --> 00:41:05.080
this stuff because she feels like she's projecting onto us

533
00:41:05.080 --> 00:41:07.520
then that we're like, they're going down the wrong path. And

534
00:41:07.520 --> 00:41:11.440
she's like, she doesn't feel that way. But at the same time,

535
00:41:12.680 --> 00:41:13.640
that's why they're leaving.

536
00:41:17.800 --> 00:41:20.920
And anyway, I had a I had a major crisis this morning. I

537
00:41:20.920 --> 00:41:23.160
mean, I held it together like while I was talking with her and

538
00:41:23.160 --> 00:41:23.840
stuff, but

539
00:41:26.400 --> 00:41:31.000
I felt like feeling attacked or like not good enough in

540
00:41:31.000 --> 00:41:32.120
someone's eyes or what?

541
00:41:32.640 --> 00:41:36.840
I think a crisis of law and it was it was interesting because

542
00:41:36.840 --> 00:41:41.360
it happened with her before I think it was actually after I

543
00:41:41.360 --> 00:41:44.880
had done the rest intensive. I was really battling with like

544
00:41:44.920 --> 00:41:49.040
I've always had a fear of like being deceived. I don't know if

545
00:41:49.040 --> 00:41:51.560
it's just something I grew up with or like it was

546
00:41:52.520 --> 00:41:56.360
like, Oh, if you Yeah, I did get into the wrong thing or

547
00:41:56.360 --> 00:41:58.280
whatever, you're gonna be deceived and you're not gonna

548
00:41:58.280 --> 00:42:00.400
know until you're in hell. You're like, Oh, shoot, I

549
00:42:00.400 --> 00:42:02.800
shouldn't have brought home that one wooden cross, you know,

550
00:42:02.800 --> 00:42:10.360
that brought a bad spirit with it. Anyway. But so I'm very

551
00:42:10.360 --> 00:42:14.600
sensitive. Anytime I feel like somebody is telling me that I am

552
00:42:14.600 --> 00:42:20.640
like, not comprehending God the way he wants to be comprehended

553
00:42:20.640 --> 00:42:24.680
or the way he is. And but at the same time, okay, so like

554
00:42:24.680 --> 00:42:28.800
backing up to the rest intensive. So after that, I was

555
00:42:28.800 --> 00:42:30.960
like, okay, like, I feel like, you know, I was kind of

556
00:42:30.960 --> 00:42:36.960
battling through that. And then I and then I had gone out with

557
00:42:36.960 --> 00:42:40.200
her and one of her other good friends. And we were just

558
00:42:40.200 --> 00:42:45.720
talking about things. I forget what I was saying. I was just

559
00:42:45.720 --> 00:42:50.800
saying about how I'm very much like, I just believe that we

560
00:42:50.800 --> 00:42:55.360
don't need to be afraid. When it comes to the end times, we were

561
00:42:55.360 --> 00:42:58.720
talking about eschatology. Don't ask me why I even broached that

562
00:42:58.720 --> 00:43:04.960
topic, like, duh. But I realized for the first time that my view

563
00:43:04.960 --> 00:43:08.480
of the end times wasn't like necessarily the only view that

564
00:43:08.480 --> 00:43:11.360
people have. And it's not necessarily the only one that's

565
00:43:11.360 --> 00:43:15.080
supported by Scripture. And I but I and I was greatly

566
00:43:15.080 --> 00:43:17.760
influenced by the left behind movies as a child. And I didn't

567
00:43:17.760 --> 00:43:19.840
even know that that was even before I even knew what

568
00:43:19.840 --> 00:43:22.640
eschatology wasn't. So I just thought that yeah, God's this

569
00:43:22.640 --> 00:43:26.440
God who he's going to be good, but just until the end times.

570
00:43:26.480 --> 00:43:29.400
Yeah. And then if you survive, it'll be just by the hair of

571
00:43:29.400 --> 00:43:32.480
your chinny chin chin. And he's gonna be mad at you when you get

572
00:43:32.480 --> 00:43:35.400
to heaven. Like, he's gonna be like, Oh, yeah, I'm glad you're

573
00:43:35.400 --> 00:43:39.440
here. But wow, do we have a lot to talk about, you know, I feel

574
00:43:39.440 --> 00:43:43.440
like through the rest intensive, through the rest intensive, I

575
00:43:43.440 --> 00:43:46.720
feel like I finally realized, I'm like, wait a minute. Like,

576
00:43:47.520 --> 00:43:53.600
the Lord, like compares his, his, his return to a bridegroom

577
00:43:53.600 --> 00:43:57.920
coming for his bride. Like, do you imagine a bride sitting

578
00:43:57.920 --> 00:44:01.240
there like, Oh, my word, I might be killed before he gets here.

579
00:44:01.240 --> 00:44:05.480
Like, you know, it's like, she's so excited for his return. And

580
00:44:05.480 --> 00:44:08.560
all she can anticipate is this wonderful celebration. And like,

581
00:44:08.560 --> 00:44:12.120
it's gonna be amazing. And I'm just like, what the heck are we

582
00:44:12.120 --> 00:44:15.800
doing? Like, thinking we're gonna be and I don't know, I

583
00:44:15.800 --> 00:44:19.280
don't know, maybe it's gonna be as like doomsday as everybody

584
00:44:19.280 --> 00:44:23.640
thinks it is. But I'm just like, I refuse to believe that the

585
00:44:23.640 --> 00:44:27.160
Lord is going to forsake me in those days. He's not going to I

586
00:44:27.160 --> 00:44:30.280
can't accept that. Anyway, so all that to say, we were talking

587
00:44:30.280 --> 00:44:35.160
about this. And then they were they're very big into like, you

588
00:44:35.160 --> 00:44:38.400
have to do your part. So like, anytime that there's any like a

589
00:44:38.440 --> 00:44:41.320
hint of a crisis, they're like, immediately go to the store and

590
00:44:41.320 --> 00:44:44.160
get like 500 pounds of flour and hide it in your basement and

591
00:44:44.160 --> 00:44:47.480
lock your doors. And I'm just like, I refuse to live that way.

592
00:44:47.480 --> 00:44:51.600
I can't like it literally makes me feel dead. And so I was just

593
00:44:51.600 --> 00:44:54.560
saying, Well, you know, I kind of feel like I'm not going to do

594
00:44:54.560 --> 00:44:57.880
any of those things unless I have like clear direction from

595
00:44:57.880 --> 00:44:59.560
the Lord that doesn't bring you along with it.

596
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.640
And, and I also, and they're like, Oh, well, like, what do you think then? Like, you know,

597
00:45:04.640 --> 00:45:09.200
if your child is sick, and you don't have vitamin C, like, do you think the Lord is

598
00:45:09.200 --> 00:45:13.120
just going to drop that into your cupboard? Like, that's literally what they said. And I was like,

599
00:45:13.120 --> 00:45:19.280
Yeah, so they understand. I'm simple enough to believe that he would and also even stupider

600
00:45:19.280 --> 00:45:25.200
enough to believe that he doesn't even need vitamin C to heal my child. That's right. So

601
00:45:26.080 --> 00:45:30.560
I just feel like all of this stuff is coming up for me again. I feel like I had finally

602
00:45:30.560 --> 00:45:36.640
gotten over that encounter. And then now it's this again, like with the same person again,

603
00:45:36.640 --> 00:45:43.120
and also somebody that I dearly love and dearly care about. And like, her kids are like siblings

604
00:45:43.120 --> 00:45:49.760
with my kids. Yeah. Hey, I need some privacy right now. Okay. Do you remember what we said

605
00:45:49.760 --> 00:45:57.280
about when I'm on a zoom call? You can save your questions for afterwards. No, I know,

606
00:45:57.280 --> 00:46:00.560
but mommy needs some time alone. Is there something else that you can get out of the

607
00:46:00.560 --> 00:46:09.840
cupboard to do? Your little thing? Well, what do we say about that? Just for church?

608
00:46:12.640 --> 00:46:16.720
Oh, your stand? Um, I don't care if you want to go play with it over at your desk.

609
00:46:17.680 --> 00:46:26.880
It's a step stool out and be careful. Um, anyway, so I feel like this morning just sent me down.

610
00:46:26.880 --> 00:46:31.600
Like I was again at the same place of feeling like, okay, I finally made progress. I feel like

611
00:46:31.600 --> 00:46:38.160
I'm finally like, no, God is good. I can trust him. Like, and even like, I think the other part

612
00:46:38.160 --> 00:46:43.120
that has been hard for me is like, I have felt like afraid to read the Bible because I'm afraid

613
00:46:43.200 --> 00:46:48.320
that I'm going to read it. And then it's like, I'm not going to find as much hope in there as I want

614
00:46:48.320 --> 00:46:53.520
to find. And so, and it scares me to say these things out loud, because I know that like,

615
00:46:54.800 --> 00:47:00.160
I know that the word of God is infallible and it is for us today. And you know, all these things,

616
00:47:00.160 --> 00:47:06.000
I just also, I just don't, I don't know. I don't, I don't know sometimes how to like,

617
00:47:06.000 --> 00:47:11.440
interpret it. Right. And not only that, but my house has just been a literal

618
00:47:12.160 --> 00:47:19.760
crap show today and everybody's been upset and I know it's a reflection of me and yeah. So

619
00:47:21.440 --> 00:47:26.000
bless Arnold's heart. I mean, he is amazing. He stayed home from work for a couple hours just to

620
00:47:26.560 --> 00:47:31.040
give me, well, he's, I took a walk up in the woods just like right after I got home from a walk.

621
00:47:31.040 --> 00:47:35.440
Cause I was just processing way too much stuff. And then when I got back, we talked about it and

622
00:47:36.400 --> 00:47:42.240
yeah. So in that regard, I'm very grateful to see like progress. And he was very much like,

623
00:47:42.240 --> 00:47:48.480
no, he said, the other thing I really struggle with is sharing my point of view when they talk

624
00:47:48.480 --> 00:47:55.520
or like when he shares his point of view, because like my friend's husband, because he's so black

625
00:47:55.520 --> 00:48:01.520
and white and like, not only that, but I see so much stuff from like his childhood and like all

626
00:48:01.600 --> 00:48:06.880
of these things that I'm just like, it's blatantly obvious to me. And her and her

627
00:48:06.880 --> 00:48:12.000
and don't actually see eye to eye theologically. So I feel like she's constantly like defending

628
00:48:12.000 --> 00:48:18.800
him. And I feel like, and I know that that's so painful because I think she's like, well,

629
00:48:18.800 --> 00:48:24.640
I love my husband and I don't want to do anything to upset the fruit basket, you know? And they do

630
00:48:24.640 --> 00:48:29.920
he, I hope I'm not painting him out to be a jerk because he's not. Yeah. He's great. They're some

631
00:48:29.920 --> 00:48:35.200
of our best friends. It's just, this really hits home for me. And I, I just feel like,

632
00:48:35.840 --> 00:48:39.840
I feel like how I look today, like, just not, not great.

633
00:48:43.200 --> 00:48:46.160
And you look cute. I told her, I think you look cute too.

634
00:48:47.200 --> 00:48:50.480
I told her, I said, you look like a soccer mom and no, just a mom.

635
00:48:50.480 --> 00:48:52.000
This is a coverup because I need to wash my hair.

636
00:48:52.000 --> 00:48:53.280
You look super cute.

637
00:48:53.280 --> 00:48:58.960
Don't talk about my friend like that.

638
00:49:01.280 --> 00:49:06.720
Thank you, Annette. I feel like Arnold, he did really encourage me. He's like,

639
00:49:07.760 --> 00:49:12.720
I felt like he was telling me the same. He was telling me the things that I had chosen. He was

640
00:49:12.720 --> 00:49:19.040
like, yeah, you have, you have the Holy spirit within you. And like, you can also say things

641
00:49:19.040 --> 00:49:22.960
that you feel and that you believe, even if they differ than what they think,

642
00:49:23.840 --> 00:49:31.120
I'm just so afraid of hurting them and hurting my friend and causing like strife or contention

643
00:49:31.120 --> 00:49:36.480
between them as a couple. And I, I don't want to pull back from our friendship,

644
00:49:36.480 --> 00:49:41.600
partly because I'm like determined that I am going to have a friendship that lasts with somebody

645
00:49:41.600 --> 00:49:46.320
once. But the other part of me is just like, what do I do?

646
00:49:47.040 --> 00:49:51.520
Yeah. Well, a couple of things, you know, just like practically,

647
00:49:52.080 --> 00:49:58.880
and, and I had to do this with your dad, my dad, I'm sorry.

648
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.600
No, there's no reason to feel sorry. I really liked your dad, but I do too, but he is very

649
00:50:05.600 --> 00:50:11.360
aware of him. He's a, he's a lawyer. He's a, he's a spiritual lawyer and you will be

650
00:50:11.360 --> 00:50:17.080
prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law of the law. That's right. Yeah. And so I just

651
00:50:17.080 --> 00:50:22.680
had to realize what, when he, when it was interesting, what I had to say and when he

652
00:50:22.680 --> 00:50:30.080
wasn't, and he just wanted to talk, to affirm to himself what he believed. So I remember

653
00:50:30.080 --> 00:50:34.880
sitting in your parents' living room, you know, back when they lived near y'all in their

654
00:50:34.880 --> 00:50:42.040
old house. And I, and, and I, and I finally, he just, he just started talking and he wouldn't

655
00:50:42.040 --> 00:50:49.560
stop. He just kept going. And I realized he's just, he's just verbally process, not processing,

656
00:50:49.560 --> 00:50:54.800
but verbally affirming to himself what it is that he believes. And that is giving him

657
00:50:54.800 --> 00:51:00.200
security. So I realized he, so he's now at the point where he didn't care. What was that?

658
00:51:00.200 --> 00:51:12.520
Oh, sorry. Sorry. Are you okay? Come what happened? Not sure what's going on. I think

659
00:51:13.520 --> 00:51:29.320
Hang on. I can still hear you if you want to still talk. Sorry. He's trying to put his

660
00:51:29.320 --> 00:51:34.360
shirt on and it's a tank top and it's, it's like wrapped around his arm about eight times.

661
00:51:34.360 --> 00:51:47.920
Okay. Sorry. I can hear you. No, that's fine. Yeah. So anyway, I, I realized, okay,

662
00:51:47.920 --> 00:51:56.240
there, my cousin is the same way. My cousin and I used to be very close and we stopped being

663
00:51:56.240 --> 00:52:03.960
close and hanging out when I refused to engage in the conversations that he wanted to engage in.

664
00:52:04.120 --> 00:52:09.080
I wasn't mean about it. I just, I just wouldn't, I, there had to be like it for it to be a

665
00:52:09.080 --> 00:52:15.080
conversation. I had to talk and I wouldn't, and I wouldn't give him anything. So we stopped talking

666
00:52:15.080 --> 00:52:21.720
to me about those things because I realized that, that people, sometimes people are just,

667
00:52:21.720 --> 00:52:26.440
and all of the people that I'm talking about here, you know, your dad, my cousin, and then this guy,

668
00:52:26.440 --> 00:52:31.240
you're all very entrenched in what it is that they believe. And part of their security comes

669
00:52:31.240 --> 00:52:38.920
from what it is they believe. And, and so they, they can't have it questioned because then they

670
00:52:38.920 --> 00:52:45.400
feel that the whole world on which they have built themselves or their way of life or their view of

671
00:52:45.400 --> 00:52:51.720
life. And like I said, their security is on what they're saying. And so it, they're not open for,

672
00:52:51.720 --> 00:52:58.520
for open to discussion. So a lot of those times people, I just, I, I'm always like,

673
00:52:58.520 --> 00:53:02.920
I always try to think of something really nice to say. And I did this with your dad. I don't

674
00:53:02.920 --> 00:53:07.880
remember what I said, but after we sat there and we talked for a really long time about something,

675
00:53:08.520 --> 00:53:16.600
um, he, Oh, I think he asked me what I thought about something or whatever. And I said something

676
00:53:16.600 --> 00:53:20.840
and then he went off on it. Oh, well, I don't think that's true because then the Bible does

677
00:53:20.840 --> 00:53:26.040
it. And then you were off on this drawing thing. So I didn't realize, okay, he's not interested

678
00:53:26.040 --> 00:53:30.200
in what I had, I had to say about it. He's not interested in like looking at a different

679
00:53:30.200 --> 00:53:36.600
viewpoint than what he believed. And so I just needed, what I needed to do is I needed to give

680
00:53:36.600 --> 00:53:42.760
him something different than, um, he's ever experienced before in like a dialogue. And I

681
00:53:42.760 --> 00:53:52.040
thought I need to affirm him and like love on him and like, basically, basically like praise him,

682
00:53:52.680 --> 00:53:56.920
find some way to affirm him. And so I did, I don't remember what I said, but that's what I

683
00:53:56.920 --> 00:54:04.280
was thinking of when I, uh, when you were talking about this Calvinist neighbor of yours is that

684
00:54:04.280 --> 00:54:13.800
that transforms people where it's not theology being, it's not theology being, uh, using theology

685
00:54:13.880 --> 00:54:22.040
to meet theology. Rather it's the love of God being meeting, being used to meet the theology,

686
00:54:22.040 --> 00:54:27.080
like someone's talking about, well, you know, this is what God said. And then giving someone

687
00:54:27.080 --> 00:54:33.400
an experience of, yeah, but this is what God's like, and not in a way that sounds contradictory

688
00:54:33.400 --> 00:54:39.880
or contrary, but really rather like affirming of the person. And it's not affirming of what it is

689
00:54:39.880 --> 00:54:47.480
that they believe, but they feel seen. So it'd be something like, you know, your neighbor talking

690
00:54:47.480 --> 00:54:54.520
about, well, I think that, and that might even be some things that feel very attacking, like

691
00:54:54.520 --> 00:54:58.600
be the opposite of what the pastor talked about in church that Sunday or something,

692
00:54:58.600 --> 00:54:59.960
or maybe he's so conscious.

693
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.540
furry that one of y'all said something, not knowing he like disagreed with it.

694
00:55:03.840 --> 00:55:05.220
And then boom, he comes out.

695
00:55:05.220 --> 00:55:09.180
Well, I don't think that's true because it's like absolutely in your face, contrary.

696
00:55:10.060 --> 00:55:16.240
Um, one of the things that I do is I like find something about them or what they

697
00:55:16.240 --> 00:55:22.300
said, that's nice, something like, you know, uh, you know, I've always appreciated

698
00:55:22.300 --> 00:55:29.700
how well you, um, how, you know, how much you desire to, you know, follow

699
00:55:29.700 --> 00:55:36.220
the Lord, um, and, and learn his precepts and stand on them no matter what, you

700
00:55:36.220 --> 00:55:40.840
know, and I move on into like, I don't know, like, so I'm not even addressing

701
00:55:40.840 --> 00:55:42.240
what it is he talked about.

702
00:55:42.400 --> 00:55:44.880
I'm just like affirmed something back.

703
00:55:44.880 --> 00:55:46.500
And that really was very good.

704
00:55:47.220 --> 00:55:50.940
Now, you know, I may not agree with the conclusion that he comes from

705
00:55:50.940 --> 00:55:54.560
going through this actions, but when I talk about that, I mean, when I address

706
00:55:54.560 --> 00:56:01.660
it like that, people then enjoy being around us because we, um, uh, because

707
00:56:01.660 --> 00:56:07.880
we make them feel good, we make them feel loved and accepted as opposed to, as

708
00:56:07.880 --> 00:56:11.360
opposed to, um, our interaction being a clashing of ideas.

709
00:56:11.800 --> 00:56:16.720
And I don't know if you remember this, but your dad did a 180 with me.

710
00:56:17.140 --> 00:56:22.360
He was not sure about me when he first met me and he did a 180.

711
00:56:22.360 --> 00:56:26.960
I don't know if you remember, but we were all shocked, like went to the church.

712
00:56:27.000 --> 00:56:28.680
Then I thought he didn't like me.

713
00:56:29.240 --> 00:56:33.320
Um, after having me over for supper with your mom and everything, I thought he

714
00:56:33.320 --> 00:56:36.040
didn't like, you know, how, based on how that went, I thought, I don't think he'd

715
00:56:36.040 --> 00:56:44.120
like me and, and he praised me to the skies to, um, Josh's parents who, um,

716
00:56:44.120 --> 00:56:48.360
Annette are pastors of a church who raised me to the skies.

717
00:56:48.360 --> 00:56:51.720
And I was like, I had to go back to carry Josh's house.

718
00:56:51.720 --> 00:56:54.600
It's like, you'll never believe what happened to me today.

719
00:56:56.920 --> 00:56:58.720
They were like, their mouths are hanging open.

720
00:56:58.720 --> 00:57:00.320
They're like, are you serious?

721
00:57:00.640 --> 00:57:03.200
Cause they all thought, we all thought that he didn't like me.

722
00:57:03.560 --> 00:57:08.400
Then your mom helped me like, uh, like so address that I had gotten.

723
00:57:08.400 --> 00:57:11.080
What was it at the exchange main exchange?

724
00:57:11.640 --> 00:57:13.680
I'd gotten a dress, but it was too big.

725
00:57:13.720 --> 00:57:15.080
And so she's a real good thrower.

726
00:57:15.080 --> 00:57:19.400
So when I went to her house and to see if she, so she could help me like, uh,

727
00:57:19.640 --> 00:57:23.640
sent it in and your dad came home.

728
00:57:24.120 --> 00:57:26.480
And cause I was still there by the time your dad came home from work.

729
00:57:26.480 --> 00:57:29.000
And he was like, so are you going to stay for supper?

730
00:57:34.040 --> 00:57:38.000
He and I disagreed so strongly, you know, about stuff.

731
00:57:38.280 --> 00:57:43.800
I didn't like combat him with, with my view.

732
00:57:43.800 --> 00:57:49.680
I didn't like, I didn't counter his views with my views because he didn't.

733
00:57:50.400 --> 00:57:53.120
I don't mean this in a bad way, but he didn't care.

734
00:57:53.480 --> 00:57:58.200
In other words, that he was so what he needed and what he was so entrenched in

735
00:57:58.200 --> 00:58:02.880
was what it would is that, what is the, I believe, and he uses interactions

736
00:58:02.880 --> 00:58:06.840
with like, say for instance, you know, uh, Josh's dad, I've heard about that.

737
00:58:06.840 --> 00:58:09.840
You know, when they just, whenever they get together, they sit down and be like

738
00:58:09.840 --> 00:58:12.960
a birthday party or Loretta told me to be a birthday party or whatever.

739
00:58:13.000 --> 00:58:16.320
And the two of them will sit down by themselves and talk theology

740
00:58:16.320 --> 00:58:17.600
and debate theology all night.

741
00:58:17.960 --> 00:58:22.360
You know, so, you know, stuff like that, instead of that, it gives them a

742
00:58:22.360 --> 00:58:26.080
different kind of interaction of like, instead of telling them that God is

743
00:58:26.240 --> 00:58:32.120
better than the Calvinist perspective, they experience it and they there's

744
00:58:32.120 --> 00:58:36.160
something in them that knows that it's true and they don't even know that what

745
00:58:36.160 --> 00:58:40.880
you're giving them is God, but it has an opportunity to slowly change their heart.

746
00:58:40.880 --> 00:58:44.600
So it's right in line with the theme of what you've been talking about, about

747
00:58:44.600 --> 00:58:49.760
like your team, you know, interacting with your team or ladies who've been

748
00:58:49.760 --> 00:58:52.960
approaching you, you know, for ministry, it feels literally the same thing.

749
00:58:53.000 --> 00:58:54.640
God keeps bringing it up in your life.

750
00:58:55.200 --> 00:58:57.520
And so here's another opportunity for that.

751
00:58:57.840 --> 00:59:02.400
And, and the reason I say that is I'm not trying to present this from the

752
00:59:02.400 --> 00:59:07.120
perspective that, okay, yeah, stop doing what you're doing and do this instead.

753
00:59:07.120 --> 00:59:12.080
As if this is another thing that you need to do, rather it's, I've

754
00:59:12.080 --> 00:59:14.080
meant it as an encouragement of.

755
00:59:14.640 --> 00:59:18.320
Hey, don't worry if you don't know how to defend your position.

756
00:59:18.600 --> 00:59:21.920
If I don't know how to defend my position, I just don't try.

757
00:59:22.400 --> 00:59:26.640
I choose to, I choose to enjoy the beauty of it on my own and

758
00:59:26.640 --> 00:59:28.440
not cast pearls before swine.

759
00:59:28.920 --> 00:59:32.680
Not cast something very precious to people who are just going to trample on

760
00:59:32.680 --> 00:59:34.760
it because they don't understand yet.

761
00:59:35.120 --> 00:59:39.240
They can't receive that amount of love or they don't know how, or it's hard

762
00:59:39.240 --> 00:59:40.720
for them to believe it or whatever.

763
00:59:41.000 --> 00:59:42.240
So I just keep it to myself.

764
00:59:42.800 --> 00:59:45.360
And then, um, it gives it what it is that I believe.

765
00:59:45.520 --> 00:59:51.080
And then just, um, and then just try to give them an experience of God of love.

766
00:59:51.160 --> 00:59:52.200
I don't mean trying.

767
00:59:52.200 --> 00:59:56.160
I just mean like, Oh, what is it that I can do that'll make them feel a

768
00:59:56.160 --> 00:59:59.440
particular way or believe this, but rather just, just.

769
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:08.160
choosing to see them for who God sees them to be, not for the antagonistic at a environment

770
01:00:08.160 --> 01:00:14.080
that I'm currently interacting with them in. And so that relieves a lot of pressure for me to have

771
01:00:14.080 --> 01:00:21.680
to like come up with the right answers or to, or to affirm it to like myself. I just choose that

772
01:00:21.680 --> 01:00:26.080
it's true, even though I don't, especially in the, in the light of that type of situation where it's

773
01:00:26.080 --> 01:00:31.520
being countered, even though I don't know why I believe what I believe in that moment. Cause

774
01:00:31.520 --> 01:00:36.640
what they said just sounded really logical. Yeah. I just choose. Yeah. But what's the experience

775
01:00:36.640 --> 01:00:44.000
that I've had as God and as being, I choose that relationship over what I do and don't

776
01:00:44.000 --> 01:00:48.320
understand yet. Now it's important for us to pursue what we do and don't understand

777
01:00:49.520 --> 01:00:53.360
because like you say, you know, we don't want to be deceived or anything, but all of that,

778
01:00:53.360 --> 01:00:56.480
how we interpret scripture anyways, based off of who, you know,

779
01:01:00.560 --> 01:01:05.920
like, uh, like God interprets scripture for us. We're not supposed to figure it out on our,

780
01:01:07.280 --> 01:01:11.440
um, so anyway, is any of this helpful and encouraging? Cause it's not supposed to be

781
01:01:11.440 --> 01:01:16.320
meant as like, Hey, don't do this, do this instead, as if it's like work rather, it's

782
01:01:16.320 --> 01:01:21.040
like all of the stuff that we feel the pressure of doing in the situation and not being able to

783
01:01:21.040 --> 01:01:27.200
rise to the occasion or how we feel like beset against or whatever. We don't have to live with

784
01:01:27.200 --> 01:01:31.760
that anymore. We don't have to do that anymore. We can just like, Oh, you can be free regardless,

785
01:01:31.760 --> 01:01:36.880
you know, and then just love on them. That is going to make them like, want to like you talk

786
01:01:36.880 --> 01:01:42.000
about like, Oh, I want to keep this friend. That is how to keep a friend. They will,

787
01:01:42.000 --> 01:01:47.680
they will cling to you. Like why don't rise more than because you give them an experience

788
01:01:47.760 --> 01:01:54.080
of who God is. And there were, there's something in our spirits made for them to be fed by that.

789
01:01:54.640 --> 01:02:02.480
And, um, not, not based off of whether or not we all share and agree on the same theology.

790
01:02:02.480 --> 01:02:07.040
Anyway, but what are your, what are your thoughts at all? Yeah, no, it's interesting. Like, as far

791
01:02:07.040 --> 01:02:12.000
as for, for them, like from their perspective or whatever, I feel like exactly what you're saying

792
01:02:12.000 --> 01:02:19.920
is what has affected him in the past. Like, um, we had a small group, um, I forget how long ago

793
01:02:19.920 --> 01:02:24.480
they switched us up, but our first small group that we ever had, when we went to this church

794
01:02:24.480 --> 01:02:27.920
had been in it. So we were in this model, same small group, went to the same church,

795
01:02:27.920 --> 01:02:32.320
live right beside each other, are together almost every day. Um, anyway, I mean, how could anything

796
01:02:32.320 --> 01:02:39.440
be problematic? Right. But anyway, um, so that, but that was the environment. That small group

797
01:02:39.440 --> 01:02:47.760
was mine. Sean really softened and like started to just, I don't know, he, he felt heard, I think,

798
01:02:47.760 --> 01:02:55.600
and appreciated for his, um, for his theological wisdom. Um, but at the same time,

799
01:02:55.600 --> 01:03:01.120
he seemed a lot more gracious for like other people's points of views and just more, he was

800
01:03:01.120 --> 01:03:11.280
just more, um, receptive. Yeah. And then, but then when our small groups changed is when he

801
01:03:11.280 --> 01:03:16.400
felt like he didn't have anybody to talk to anymore, like about, you know, about theology.

802
01:03:16.400 --> 01:03:21.760
And even though he knew that our church isn't Calvinist, um, he was, he was still willing,

803
01:03:21.760 --> 01:03:27.680
you know, to come because he felt like he could still fellowship and like, you know, have good

804
01:03:27.680 --> 01:03:38.240
conversation. And anyway, so I feel like as far as like how to treat them or how to move forward,

805
01:03:38.240 --> 01:03:44.240
I feel like, yeah, what you shared was very helpful. I think, I think probably what I'm

806
01:03:44.240 --> 01:03:53.280
struggling with the most is how it affected me. Like, it's not even that I think they're like

807
01:03:53.280 --> 01:03:59.680
way off on the other end or whatever. It's more just like the, the things that I, and probably

808
01:03:59.680 --> 01:04:05.200
some of it is just, you know, my imagination, but the thing that the, the things that I feel like

809
01:04:05.200 --> 01:04:11.920
I'm being accused of are very hard for me to navigate. And like, you know, just for example,

810
01:04:11.920 --> 01:04:19.840
like we, um, we're having, uh, a speaker come to our church, um, to talk about sound mind awareness.

811
01:04:19.840 --> 01:04:26.640
She's, uh, I don't know. They're very, I shouldn't say they are my, my neighbor's husband is very

812
01:04:26.640 --> 01:04:37.040
against anything charismatic, like anything at all. And, um, so he's just, what's that?

813
01:04:37.040 --> 01:04:42.080
Your church is not charismatic. Is it? Our church is not charismatic. It's non-denominational

814
01:04:42.080 --> 01:04:48.080
community church, but there's a lot of people within it that are like, not afraid of, not afraid

815
01:04:48.160 --> 01:04:53.120
of the Holy Spirit and the gifts of the Holy Spirit and all of those things. But there are

816
01:04:53.120 --> 01:04:59.840
a lot of differing opinions. I will say that too. Um, so anyway, um, where are we?

817
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:03.920
going with this? Oh yes we're having this lady come share about this and there was a couple ladies

818
01:05:03.920 --> 01:05:08.160
from our church that actually went through her 12-week seminar and were like their lives were

819
01:05:08.160 --> 01:05:11.840
just changed and like they couldn't believe all the things that they learned it was clearly like

820
01:05:11.840 --> 01:05:19.280
very life-giving you know and anyway so then I had asked her last night if she was planning to come

821
01:05:19.280 --> 01:05:23.920
and she's like no and I just was like I don't know I just I've sent so much stuff that I was

822
01:05:23.920 --> 01:05:29.760
like hoping wasn't true and then it was all true um but then when we went on a walk this morning

823
01:05:29.760 --> 01:05:34.640
she said yeah you know Sean looked this lady up and he's like absolutely not like she's not going

824
01:05:36.480 --> 01:05:43.840
and I was just like I don't even know how to like how to separate myself from that because I have

825
01:05:43.840 --> 01:05:48.000
sat with this woman before and I even said that last night like before I knew you know that Sean

826
01:05:48.000 --> 01:05:54.320
had creeped her Facebook page and immediately judged her but I I have sat with this lady before

827
01:05:54.320 --> 01:05:58.400
and I have seen like you know that she has a living relationship with the Lord she's ministered

828
01:05:58.400 --> 01:06:03.200
to my dad before and like oh cool yeah yeah of course I'm not going to swallow everything she

829
01:06:03.200 --> 01:06:11.280
says hook line and sinker like a like a little fishy but I still see Christ in her and anyway

830
01:06:12.240 --> 01:06:18.000
and just knowing the different beliefs that they align with and knowing that I I don't I feel like

831
01:06:18.000 --> 01:06:23.040
it's just making me question myself and everything like even you know going out with this with this

832
01:06:23.040 --> 01:06:26.720
girl that I was telling you guys about last week like immediately all of these thoughts want to

833
01:06:26.720 --> 01:06:31.200
come like what if I'm the great deceiver and like what if I'm just taking her out and filling her

834
01:06:31.200 --> 01:06:38.720
full of theological unsoundness and what if I have created this powder puff God that makes me feel

835
01:06:38.720 --> 01:06:42.560
good and you know how Calvinists are they're all about like if you don't feel like a worm you don't

836
01:06:42.560 --> 01:06:48.400
hate yourself you're not godly you know and I just like I feel dead in that and it makes me want to

837
01:06:48.400 --> 01:06:53.280
run the other direction but then I feel like a Calvinist yeah but I feel like a Calvinist would

838
01:06:53.280 --> 01:06:57.680
say to me well that's just because you're not you're not repenting you're not in repentance you

839
01:06:57.680 --> 01:07:05.520
know I and that I hear my dad's voice in all of those things I know it's that you're not a worm

840
01:07:05.520 --> 01:07:09.440
enough you don't recognize enough that you're one meaning that you're even more warm than you

841
01:07:09.440 --> 01:07:15.200
thought yes you don't spend enough time you do not spend enough time thinking about how horrible you

842
01:07:15.200 --> 01:07:21.520
are and that makes you even more horrible and I'm just like you can't win where does it where does

843
01:07:21.520 --> 01:07:26.480
it end like where do you actually get to be born again where do you get to be born again and forget

844
01:07:26.480 --> 01:07:33.840
your old life like when does it stop following you and I just yeah so I feel like part of me

845
01:07:33.840 --> 01:07:39.760
is like no this is ridiculous and Arnold's very helpful and and I want to be clear too that so

846
01:07:39.760 --> 01:07:44.960
much of what I'm struggling with right now is not because of my neighbors it's all like this

847
01:07:44.960 --> 01:07:49.600
internal stuff that I'm trying to reconcile and it's not like they're accusing me of these things

848
01:07:49.920 --> 01:07:54.400
I don't honestly feel like they are but yeah it's just things that I'm having to

849
01:07:55.840 --> 01:07:59.360
wrestle through because I feel like I was finally finding my footing

850
01:07:59.360 --> 01:08:05.440
and then somebody was like well the footing that you're a part of is like not you know that's faulty

851
01:08:06.640 --> 01:08:15.280
correct well it just simply means that you're not as as um as founded and entrenched in it yet

852
01:08:15.280 --> 01:08:25.680
and that happens the uh excuse me um that happens you know as the lord will establish

853
01:08:25.680 --> 01:08:31.680
that in you between the two of you so as you pursue him and I know this from personal experience

854
01:08:31.680 --> 01:08:38.399
because when the lord when you have an inner uh not an encounter I was going to say an encounter

855
01:08:38.399 --> 01:08:44.319
with the lord but that makes it sound like this is this one-time event what I mean is like it's

856
01:08:44.319 --> 01:08:51.600
when you um when the lord himself tells you something you know it in a way that no one can

857
01:08:51.600 --> 01:09:00.720
convince you otherwise because and and and I was saying that those exercises uh you know that I

858
01:09:00.720 --> 01:09:05.680
and those practices that I recommend that y'all are so important is because you're interacting

859
01:09:05.680 --> 01:09:13.040
with god and you're allowing his presence to not just heal you but to affirm things to you and to

860
01:09:13.040 --> 01:09:18.000
and anchor them more deeply within you because and this is really hard and I'm just going to

861
01:09:18.000 --> 01:09:23.120
speak this in general about the two of this and I'm not trying to say well you you this is what

862
01:09:23.120 --> 01:09:28.160
your life looks like but I would imagine because you and I grew up so very similar in so many ways

863
01:09:28.160 --> 01:09:37.680
that you're just like like mine in fact that what was um what was valued and what was pushed

864
01:09:38.240 --> 01:09:45.760
was what do you know about god it was all in our head and it was all theology and it was all

865
01:09:45.760 --> 01:09:56.480
concept and it was all um and and I don't know you you backed it up and assured yourself um

866
01:09:58.960 --> 01:09:59.920
you assured yourself

867
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.800
of the truth of it through logic.

868
01:10:03.960 --> 01:10:10.680
Logic is king, not an experience with God and experiencing God like on a daily

869
01:10:10.680 --> 01:10:13.800
basis and interacting with him and developing that relationship.

870
01:10:14.320 --> 01:10:21.000
And so when we're shifting into this new way of seeing the Lord, we keep

871
01:10:21.000 --> 01:10:24.120
trying to rely on that logic again.

872
01:10:24.600 --> 01:10:30.200
Like, well, this is supposed to, um, how to, if it, if it doesn't, if I can't

873
01:10:30.200 --> 01:10:35.000
figure out how everything reconciles together, how everything works together.

874
01:10:35.400 --> 01:10:41.680
If I can't fully understand the logic behind it to, to convince someone else,

875
01:10:41.680 --> 01:10:46.480
then apparently I don't have enough logic to convince myself and it must not be

876
01:10:46.480 --> 01:10:48.720
right because we were told I don't.

877
01:10:49.800 --> 01:10:50.840
Go do your spellings.

878
01:10:50.840 --> 01:10:59.240
I'm sorry, do you, you know, I can, do you need to wait just a second?

879
01:10:59.240 --> 01:11:00.240
I thought I was muted.

880
01:11:18.200 --> 01:11:19.600
So in it, did you eat supper?

881
01:11:19.600 --> 01:11:20.640
Were you making supper?

882
01:11:21.280 --> 01:11:21.560
Yeah.

883
01:11:21.560 --> 01:11:23.400
Banana, banana pancakes.

884
01:11:25.800 --> 01:11:32.080
Oh, I forgot to tell, tell Ed that I, I, uh, put one of his bananas that he

885
01:11:32.080 --> 01:11:34.600
makes banana pancakes with freezer.

886
01:11:35.720 --> 01:11:36.480
So he'll know where it did.

887
01:11:36.920 --> 01:11:38.120
Um, well that sounds good.

888
01:11:38.120 --> 01:11:39.680
It's got good protein in it.

889
01:11:40.720 --> 01:11:40.960
Yeah.

890
01:11:40.960 --> 01:11:46.800
It's like a banana and egg and oatmeal, oat, oat flour, oatmeal flour.

891
01:11:47.600 --> 01:11:47.800
Yeah.

892
01:11:47.840 --> 01:11:48.320
Yeah.

893
01:11:49.880 --> 01:11:50.520
That's good.

894
01:11:50.520 --> 01:11:52.440
After dancing, how are you feeling?

895
01:11:52.520 --> 01:11:54.760
Are you still hanging in there?

896
01:11:55.920 --> 01:11:56.280
Me?

897
01:11:57.120 --> 01:11:57.600
Yeah.

898
01:11:58.640 --> 01:11:58.960
Yeah.

899
01:11:59.000 --> 01:11:59.440
Thank you.

900
01:11:59.440 --> 01:12:04.400
I am the, the ibuprofen started kicking in, so it started better, but I'll

901
01:12:04.400 --> 01:12:10.160
probably, after this call, I'll probably go lay down, but anyway, um, Priscilla,

902
01:12:10.160 --> 01:12:17.760
so is that making sense that that logic was, um, what we were always taught to

903
01:12:18.080 --> 01:12:19.400
get our security in.

904
01:12:19.400 --> 01:12:23.800
And so if we now realize the way, just a second, I don't have fully the logic

905
01:12:23.800 --> 01:12:29.200
to counter that stuff, then, um, then we think that it's wrong that we're

906
01:12:29.200 --> 01:12:32.320
being deceived because we were always taught that that's how you could be

907
01:12:32.320 --> 01:12:35.160
assured that you weren't deceived as you'd figured it out well enough.

908
01:12:35.680 --> 01:12:37.760
The problem with that is that's the tree.

909
01:12:37.760 --> 01:12:40.720
It's relying on the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, that it's

910
01:12:40.720 --> 01:12:46.040
what I know that gives me security and I have to seek it out and I have to figure

911
01:12:46.160 --> 01:12:46.320
it out.

912
01:12:46.320 --> 01:12:48.000
I have to figure out the scriptures.

913
01:12:48.280 --> 01:12:54.280
I have to, to understand it and make sure that, to, to learn how it's all

914
01:12:54.280 --> 01:12:55.080
reconciled.

915
01:12:55.480 --> 01:12:58.000
So God does all of that.

916
01:12:58.000 --> 01:13:01.720
That's why we're all, you know, arguing with each other, like Calvinists and

917
01:13:01.720 --> 01:13:03.440
every cares bags and everything.

918
01:13:03.440 --> 01:13:09.000
It's because everyone's relying on their own, their own knowledge and their own

919
01:13:09.000 --> 01:13:12.080
unique way of, of choosing to interpret the scriptures.

920
01:13:12.840 --> 01:13:18.680
Um, and instead of us relying on, on the Lord to reveal things to us, so it

921
01:13:18.680 --> 01:13:24.160
doesn't feel that is a hard shift to make because it doesn't feel as certain.

922
01:13:24.960 --> 01:13:27.360
Um, because we can't see it in black and white.

923
01:13:27.600 --> 01:13:31.200
It's an experience with a being that we can't see.

924
01:13:32.040 --> 01:13:39.280
And so to learn, to rely on getting our security of what we believe.

925
01:13:42.520 --> 01:13:48.280
A being that we can't see, and that most of us don't hear audibly is very, very

926
01:13:48.280 --> 01:13:49.640
hard to switch from.

927
01:13:49.880 --> 01:13:51.400
I can see this in scripture.

928
01:13:51.400 --> 01:13:52.840
I can see it in the Bible.

929
01:13:53.280 --> 01:13:58.200
Um, there's all of these ways, all of these, like whether it's in the actual

930
01:13:58.200 --> 01:14:02.760
physical classroom or it's on YouTube videos, there's, there's people that can

931
01:14:02.760 --> 01:14:09.440
teach me how to logically, um, uh, that can teach me rhetoric, you know, teach me

932
01:14:09.440 --> 01:14:14.240
how to logically process through something or interpret it or see the, see

933
01:14:14.240 --> 01:14:18.840
how different phrases reconcile in the Bible instead of being contradictory or

934
01:14:18.840 --> 01:14:23.560
whatever, but we're doing it all on our own as opposed to just relying on the Lord.

935
01:14:23.560 --> 01:14:31.200
So I know that it's not, um, uh, that it doesn't feel as secure, but especially

936
01:14:31.200 --> 01:14:36.000
in light of how we grew up, but that's what God, and we see this all throughout

937
01:14:36.000 --> 01:14:41.080
scripture, that that's what God tells us to rely on is to rely on him and our

938
01:14:41.080 --> 01:14:47.000
relationship with him and, and our, and him revealing things to us and him, him

939
01:14:47.160 --> 01:14:50.920
talking to us, like he said, he's, he said, I don't do anything in the world

940
01:14:51.520 --> 01:14:57.120
that I don't tell my prophets about first, which is really fascinating is that I

941
01:14:57.120 --> 01:14:59.840
don't do anything unless I've told my people first.

942
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:08.240
that I'm going to be doing it. And, and so he reveals everything. And so he, he wants us to

943
01:15:08.240 --> 01:15:11.760
rely on him and on his word. That's why he has to talk about faith and the fact that, hey, you're

944
01:15:11.760 --> 01:15:16.080
not going to see proof, including sometimes knowing how to find that proof in the Bible.

945
01:15:16.640 --> 01:15:20.400
I'm not saying that God speaks things that are contradictory to the Bible. I'm saying that

946
01:15:23.440 --> 01:15:26.960
and we can't find it yet in the Bible, or we don't know where that is.

947
01:15:26.960 --> 01:15:32.720
It doesn't mean that it's not in there, you know? And, and so he just wants us to rely on him.

948
01:15:33.360 --> 01:15:39.840
So the, the, the recommendation that I would give you is to do the same thing that I did.

949
01:15:39.840 --> 01:15:46.400
And that is, and that is what my assuredness of what it is that I believe comes from. It comes

950
01:15:46.400 --> 01:15:50.880
from our relationship with God and the fact that I know him and I have lived with him and I continue

951
01:15:50.880 --> 01:15:56.640
to live with him by this principle. This is how he and I interact. That's how I know he's like this.

952
01:15:56.720 --> 01:16:01.360
Otherwise people could tell me that he was like this. And I'm like, Oh, that sure would be nice.

953
01:16:01.360 --> 01:16:07.600
Wouldn't that be nice? But the way that it got, and that gave me the courage to take a huge risk

954
01:16:08.160 --> 01:16:12.960
that he was like that, but I actually had to risk it by starting to live like it. And,

955
01:16:12.960 --> 01:16:16.800
but when I started to live like it, in other words, when I chose it as my reality by faith,

956
01:16:17.520 --> 01:16:23.760
that's when all of a sudden everything changed and, and, and, and happened for me.

957
01:16:24.320 --> 01:16:29.040
But it's, that's what gives me solidness and assuredness when I talk to people and they

958
01:16:29.040 --> 01:16:34.880
don't agree with me. And I don't have all of the scripture verses to back things up.

959
01:16:34.880 --> 01:16:41.440
I had more scripture verses back when I didn't back when I was more of a Calvinist than I am now.

960
01:16:42.160 --> 01:16:47.600
And, and it's not that what I believe is in the scripture because I found it in scripture,

961
01:16:47.600 --> 01:16:52.320
but it's like, sometimes, you know, in the moment when I need to, when I, when someone

962
01:16:52.320 --> 01:16:56.880
is wondering why I believe what I believe, I can't remember the scriptures. When I was more

963
01:16:56.880 --> 01:17:01.520
of a Calvinist though, I can remember those scriptures because I relied on them as my,

964
01:17:02.080 --> 01:17:06.640
as my foundation, as my security. Now, since I rely on the development of my,

965
01:17:06.640 --> 01:17:11.120
now that I rely on my worship of the Lord, and it's my relationship with the Lord that

966
01:17:11.120 --> 01:17:15.360
gives me that assurance of this is why I believe what I believe to the point where I'm like,

967
01:17:15.360 --> 01:17:21.440
no, I risked my life on it. I, I like, I like live like this. You know, this is how I make decisions.

968
01:17:22.480 --> 01:17:26.080
But I, in the moment, I can't think the scriptures, you know, that goes with it,

969
01:17:26.080 --> 01:17:30.720
not that it's not there. It's just, I can't remember it right now, you know? And that's

970
01:17:30.720 --> 01:17:36.640
what gives me solidness and assuredness. So it's a, it's a challenging transition to make.

971
01:17:40.880 --> 01:17:46.640
The cool thing about this that I think is encouraging is that God isn't telling you to

972
01:17:46.640 --> 01:17:51.760
switch from the way that you used to do things to, because that was really hard to learn. You

973
01:17:51.760 --> 01:17:57.520
had to have that, you know, ground into you at home and at church and for decades, you know,

974
01:17:57.520 --> 01:18:02.240
in order for you to learn all of this, for us to switch our understanding, we keep thinking,

975
01:18:02.240 --> 01:18:07.040
oh, now I'm going to have to learn all of these different truths and that to interpret the Bible

976
01:18:07.040 --> 01:18:10.320
differently and see the Bible differently and learn all these other scriptures, you know, that,

977
01:18:10.320 --> 01:18:14.160
that support it. And it's just, it's not true. But I was just like, no,

978
01:18:14.160 --> 01:18:19.520
it's a lot more simple than that. It's a lot faster than that. It's how you and I interact

979
01:18:19.520 --> 01:18:26.080
with one another. So this really isn't something that we can learn and be assured in when it's

980
01:18:26.080 --> 01:18:32.880
attacked. This is something that it's an experience, it's experiences, it's making

981
01:18:32.880 --> 01:18:41.120
ourselves, it's vulnerably exposing ourselves to the Lord. Excuse me, it's vulnerably exposing

982
01:18:41.120 --> 01:18:52.400
ourselves to the Lord that, that, you know, that changes us and that gives us that assurance.

983
01:18:59.840 --> 01:19:04.960
So it's a bad, no, that makes sense. Yes. Yes. And that's, and that's like,

984
01:19:04.960 --> 01:19:07.760
I feel like in the last few years I have, yeah.

985
01:19:17.360 --> 01:19:18.800
You could, if you'd be done with your school.

986
01:19:29.680 --> 01:19:31.040
Where are they? Are they waiting on you?

987
01:19:31.280 --> 01:19:32.800
Yeah. Yes.

988
01:19:36.320 --> 01:19:46.880
Anyway, before mom changes her mind. So the thing is, if you just release into going to,

989
01:19:47.920 --> 01:19:51.760
how do I, how do I put that? Okay. Like say for instance, when I'm in the middle of a situation,

990
01:19:51.760 --> 01:19:55.840
cause I'm trying to show you how I do this practically when I'm in the middle of a situation,

991
01:19:55.840 --> 01:19:58.000
say for instance, when I was in the middle of a situation with your dad,

992
01:19:58.000 --> 01:20:00.240
we were talking about stuff, you know, in the living room.

993
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:06.160
And then I can tell he's getting very, wasn't getting like aggravated, but he was getting

994
01:20:06.160 --> 01:20:11.720
very animated, very excited, very, very firm and staunch when it is that he believed.

995
01:20:11.720 --> 01:20:15.840
And it, which was counter to something that I had expressed in explanation of a question

996
01:20:15.840 --> 01:20:17.680
that he had given me.

997
01:20:17.680 --> 01:20:24.440
And so, and he was just, and so as I was listening and I thought, I thought, you know, I don't

998
01:20:24.440 --> 01:20:37.640
have logic that he is to, to counter his logic with in a way that he's going to accept.

999
01:20:37.640 --> 01:20:41.560
So what I then had to do is like, okay, Lord, me and you do.

1000
01:20:41.560 --> 01:20:48.440
He sounds more logical than me at the moment, because I don't have any logic that I feel

1001
01:20:48.440 --> 01:20:53.160
can stand up to that, that I can remember off the top of my head.

1002
01:20:53.160 --> 01:20:58.080
That I knew that I knew that I knew that what I believed was true.

1003
01:20:58.080 --> 01:21:02.680
And it's so basically I re-centered myself between me and God and what I'll do very often

1004
01:21:02.680 --> 01:21:06.600
when I'm unsettled is I'll just ask kind of like in my spirit, I'll just ask God, are

1005
01:21:06.600 --> 01:21:08.440
you and I okay?

1006
01:21:08.440 --> 01:21:11.080
And he always says, yeah, it's like, oh, we're great.

1007
01:21:11.080 --> 01:21:13.160
Like, okay, then I'm okay.

1008
01:21:13.160 --> 01:21:24.520
So it, it helps give me, um, uh, relief and, um, and believes me of any like type of anxiety

1009
01:21:24.520 --> 01:21:30.080
or struggle that I'm having if, and then if in any situation that I'm, I'm in unrest,

1010
01:21:30.080 --> 01:21:32.000
I just ask God, are you and I okay?

1011
01:21:32.000 --> 01:21:36.160
So I call it, sometimes people refer to it as re-centering themselves.

1012
01:21:36.160 --> 01:21:40.800
Only what we're doing is we're actually coming back to the, coming back to the center of

1013
01:21:40.800 --> 01:21:43.840
who is God and who does he say that I am?

1014
01:21:43.840 --> 01:21:50.720
And then if I do that, then what it is that I, I'm coming back to relying on and, and

1015
01:21:50.720 --> 01:21:59.760
being founded in what he experienced with him and who I have experienced him to be.

1016
01:21:59.760 --> 01:22:00.760
And I'm solid in that.

1017
01:22:00.760 --> 01:22:02.880
I'm like, oh, I know what I've experienced with him.

1018
01:22:02.880 --> 01:22:04.640
I know how he and I live together.

1019
01:22:04.640 --> 01:22:08.320
I know, you know, how he interacts with me or whatever.

1020
01:22:08.320 --> 01:22:15.920
And that, that helps me when I have people that have, um, uh, that I don't feel that

1021
01:22:15.920 --> 01:22:22.680
I can match in a logical debate, um, and, and whatever.

1022
01:22:22.680 --> 01:22:29.840
So I can know because I have to choose in those moments, solid in what God has told

1023
01:22:29.840 --> 01:22:34.840
me is true, um, not in how well I can convince someone else.

1024
01:22:34.840 --> 01:22:40.040
So if it's between me and it's choosing between me and convincing someone else, I always choose

1025
01:22:40.040 --> 01:22:43.160
me to do that.

1026
01:22:43.160 --> 01:22:45.800
And that's really stabilized me a lot.

1027
01:22:45.800 --> 01:22:47.640
So is that, is that helpful?

1028
01:22:47.640 --> 01:22:48.960
That's something practical that I do.

1029
01:22:48.960 --> 01:22:52.080
I always go back to me and God, God, are you and I okay.

1030
01:22:52.080 --> 01:22:53.080
Yeah.

1031
01:22:53.080 --> 01:22:54.080
Yeah.

1032
01:22:54.080 --> 01:22:59.440
I feel like I probably haven't realized how much I have like wrestled through so many

1033
01:22:59.440 --> 01:23:03.800
like, okay, well, like, do I believe this way or do I believe this way?

1034
01:23:03.800 --> 01:23:07.600
Or like, what is my, where's my solid foundation?

1035
01:23:07.600 --> 01:23:15.320
You know, I feel like I, I do, I do keep coming back to, you know, even when the disciples

1036
01:23:15.320 --> 01:23:24.400
were, um, you know, following Jesus, like she said some things that to them seem to

1037
01:23:24.400 --> 01:23:32.520
be contradicting the law, you know, the, all they knew of the Bible and, and I feel like,

1038
01:23:32.520 --> 01:23:39.560
but they trusted him because he fulfilled prophecy and they could, and obviously they

1039
01:23:39.560 --> 01:23:42.960
just knew, I guess, in their spirits, I don't know.

1040
01:23:42.960 --> 01:23:53.240
But I think for me, I do feel that in my spirit, I have peace with, you know, what exactly

1041
01:23:53.240 --> 01:23:57.520
exactly what you said, like, I don't have to try to like, analyze it and explain it

1042
01:23:57.520 --> 01:24:02.960
and all of these things to make, so that somebody else can understand it simply because

1043
01:24:02.960 --> 01:24:12.400
I'm like, well, I think a lot of that, I think a lot of that, um, is a fleshly, we're trying

1044
01:24:12.400 --> 01:24:15.800
to, I don't know how you would say it.

1045
01:24:15.800 --> 01:24:21.760
We're trying to reassure ourselves, but, and another thing I do, I do feel like I have

1046
01:24:21.760 --> 01:24:28.000
found peace with is like, even with the word, like I've struggled with, with reading my

1047
01:24:28.000 --> 01:24:31.240
Bible just because I feel so scared of it.

1048
01:24:31.240 --> 01:24:33.720
Like I feel scared of interpreting it wrong.

1049
01:24:33.720 --> 01:24:41.400
And, but I was, um, I just feel like in the last year I have, I felt like, you know what,

1050
01:24:41.400 --> 01:24:45.560
it talks about how in the beginning was the word and the word was with God and the word

1051
01:24:45.560 --> 01:24:46.560
was God.

1052
01:24:46.560 --> 01:24:51.000
And I feel like more than ever, I'm like, you know what, actually God cannot be separated

1053
01:24:51.000 --> 01:24:52.440
from his word.

1054
01:24:52.440 --> 01:24:57.120
Like what we have today is, is the physical, is the physical word of God, but we also have

1055
01:24:57.120 --> 01:24:59.680
like the living word of God that lives inside of us.

1056
01:24:59.680 --> 01:25:00.040
And that is.

1057
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:07.520
something that we can trust. And I think, yeah, I'm probably

1058
01:25:07.520 --> 01:25:10.080
being just like my dad right now, just verbally processing

1059
01:25:10.080 --> 01:25:10.600
everything.

1060
01:25:12.160 --> 01:25:13.080
I do that too.

1061
01:25:14.560 --> 01:25:18.880
I, I was talking to my my pastor's wife about some of this

1062
01:25:18.880 --> 01:25:21.160
stuff. And I just said, you know, I believe that somebody

1063
01:25:21.160 --> 01:25:26.600
can be a believer and know Christ and truly have his spirit

1064
01:25:26.600 --> 01:25:30.560
within them, and maybe never even have access to the Bible,

1065
01:25:30.760 --> 01:25:34.200
because they have the living Word of God inside of them.

1066
01:25:36.400 --> 01:25:39.360
Yeah, most people, most Christians on earth don't have

1067
01:25:39.360 --> 01:25:40.200
access to a Bible.

1068
01:25:42.680 --> 01:25:45.040
You think about how many people are in Africa, Asia, most

1069
01:25:45.040 --> 01:25:45.600
people don't.

1070
01:25:46.320 --> 01:25:49.360
Yeah. And I think that's also what what brings a lot of fear

1071
01:25:49.360 --> 01:25:52.240
even in trying to like, that's why I don't share what I

1072
01:25:52.240 --> 01:25:56.320
believe, you know, with with people, because I feel like

1073
01:25:56.320 --> 01:25:58.720
immediately this little voice comes and it's like, Who are

1074
01:25:58.720 --> 01:26:02.120
you? You haven't even like sat down and read your Bible. I

1075
01:26:02.120 --> 01:26:04.800
mean, I do here and there, but it's not like I've sat down and

1076
01:26:04.800 --> 01:26:08.000
like read my Bible faithfully for like, I mean, I feel like

1077
01:26:08.000 --> 01:26:10.200
I've been avoiding it ever since I tried to read through it in a

1078
01:26:10.200 --> 01:26:12.720
year. I'm just like, I'm traumatized. And

1079
01:26:14.760 --> 01:26:18.880
and I feel horrible saying that because I know that there's some

1080
01:26:18.880 --> 01:26:21.480
disconnect because I know that that's not what it's supposed to

1081
01:26:21.480 --> 01:26:25.800
do. But at the same time, I feel like there was so many

1082
01:26:25.800 --> 01:26:29.320
heavy things through the new the Old Testament that I was trying

1083
01:26:29.320 --> 01:26:36.200
to reconcile that I couldn't reconcile. And yeah, I don't

1084
01:26:36.200 --> 01:26:38.080
know. I feel like I'm not making much sense.

1085
01:26:39.200 --> 01:26:43.760
No. And I'm sorry. I think my husband's about to have a call.

1086
01:26:43.760 --> 01:26:47.400
So I'm gonna move outside just one moment.

1087
01:26:49.320 --> 01:26:50.720
I didn't hear you coughing it.

1088
01:26:52.280 --> 01:27:03.560
And yeah, one of the things that I recommend to people to that

1089
01:27:03.560 --> 01:27:08.600
helps a lot when and what's really pretty out here is

1090
01:27:08.600 --> 01:27:13.000
finally getting cooler, which is nice. And what that I recommend

1091
01:27:13.000 --> 01:27:16.680
to people when they don't like reading the Bible, they're not

1092
01:27:16.680 --> 01:27:23.200
enjoying it, is that they're, they're, it's not intimidating.

1093
01:27:23.800 --> 01:27:27.040
What's the word? There's an intimidation factor, just like,

1094
01:27:27.080 --> 01:27:30.120
oh, my word that felt that felt like work. Yeah, I'm gonna have

1095
01:27:30.120 --> 01:27:32.880
to study it and have to learn what if I get it wrong? What if

1096
01:27:32.880 --> 01:27:35.080
I find out that God said something different than I

1097
01:27:35.080 --> 01:27:39.040
thought that he said, you know, whatever. And, or I'm going to

1098
01:27:39.040 --> 01:27:43.440
feel corrected, or whatever. Sorry, I'm like, looking at

1099
01:27:43.840 --> 01:27:50.800
those are bugs. And on my poor little plant. And that's what I

1100
01:27:50.800 --> 01:27:54.720
found to be very, very helpful is when we just kind of start

1101
01:27:54.760 --> 01:28:02.080
reading scripture, like it is a fiction book or something. And

1102
01:28:02.960 --> 01:28:04.160
where it's like,

1103
01:28:07.960 --> 01:28:10.720
where there's no pressure anymore.

1104
01:28:10.880 --> 01:28:13.760
Oh, I forgot, you can just tell me Yeah, where there's just no

1105
01:28:13.760 --> 01:28:18.000
pressure anymore. And you just you just and I don't mean

1106
01:28:18.000 --> 01:28:20.960
fiction, like it's not true. I mean, the fact that you just,

1107
01:28:21.360 --> 01:28:23.760
you don't, you're not trying to get anything out of a fiction

1108
01:28:23.760 --> 01:28:28.320
book, you're just, you're just enjoying reading it, you're just

1109
01:28:28.320 --> 01:28:30.400
like, and you're reading it really fast. You're not trying

1110
01:28:30.400 --> 01:28:32.640
to memorize it, you're not trying to learn something from

1111
01:28:32.640 --> 01:28:35.440
it, you're just spending time with the Lord and just reading

1112
01:28:35.440 --> 01:28:38.800
what he said, and just kind of, and you'll read it pretty fast.

1113
01:28:38.960 --> 01:28:42.720
As opposed to like, trying, like I said, trying to approach it

1114
01:28:42.720 --> 01:28:46.640
from an agenda of learning something, then it's easier to

1115
01:28:46.640 --> 01:28:51.120
get back into scripture reading that way also trying to read in

1116
01:28:51.120 --> 01:28:58.000
a version that you've never read before. The light is especially

1117
01:28:58.000 --> 01:29:03.120
a version that is very, like New Living Translation, or Passion

1118
01:29:03.120 --> 01:29:06.800
Translation, or something like that, that is the same as

1119
01:29:06.800 --> 01:29:13.360
something like that, that isn't. Oh, good. And Passion

1120
01:29:13.360 --> 01:29:18.000
Translation that I always recommend to people that they

1121
01:29:18.000 --> 01:29:21.920
kind of that they don't see it like actual scripture, because

1122
01:29:21.920 --> 01:29:24.640
it's people have a difficult time with Passion Translation

1123
01:29:24.640 --> 01:29:27.760
because you're like, Oh, my word, that's too. That that's

1124
01:29:27.760 --> 01:29:30.320
what do they call it a thought for thought or concept for

1125
01:29:30.320 --> 01:29:34.160
concept. Translation instead of a word for word, and I'm already

1126
01:29:34.160 --> 01:29:36.400
can't use that for study. I'm like, well, then just read like

1127
01:29:36.400 --> 01:29:40.080
a commentary. It's just one person's perspective and

1128
01:29:40.080 --> 01:29:42.720
interpretation of what they thought that scripture would

1129
01:29:42.720 --> 01:29:47.600
say. And, and just kind of like reading, read the Bible with

1130
01:29:47.600 --> 01:29:51.920
freshness, again, and then that's not the translation that

1131
01:29:51.920 --> 01:29:55.200
you use to like study. But you could do that with the Passion

1132
01:29:55.200 --> 01:29:57.360
Translation, you could do it with like, like I said, the New

1133
01:29:57.360 --> 01:29:59.920
Living, or something that's just very, it's very

1134
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:07.960
It's, it's a lot, it's, it's a lot more contemporary approach, but not perfect writing.

1135
01:30:07.960 --> 01:30:08.960
Forgive me.

1136
01:30:08.960 --> 01:30:13.640
I'm not, I don't feel like I'm speaking very well today because I'm not feeling very well.

1137
01:30:13.640 --> 01:30:19.800
So I feel like I'm not being very articulate, but anyway, I would recommend that.

1138
01:30:19.800 --> 01:30:24.400
And that you're just going to spend time with God, like those experiences of like sitting

1139
01:30:24.400 --> 01:30:28.160
with him and you're just being with him.

1140
01:30:28.160 --> 01:30:32.080
You're not trying to, you don't have an agenda where, Oh, this is my devotional time.

1141
01:30:32.080 --> 01:30:35.640
I'm supposed to get encouragement for the rest of the day.

1142
01:30:35.640 --> 01:30:37.320
And there's this agenda to it.

1143
01:30:37.320 --> 01:30:41.240
There's like, I'm supposed to get something out of it so that I feel like I'm failing.

1144
01:30:41.240 --> 01:30:44.720
If I don't get something out of it, I feel like something's wrong with me.

1145
01:30:44.720 --> 01:30:50.200
There's like this, this barrier or whatever, it's like, Oh, just go spend time with them

1146
01:30:50.200 --> 01:30:52.360
where you're not trying to learn something about them.

1147
01:30:52.360 --> 01:30:54.440
You're just in his presence.

1148
01:30:54.440 --> 01:31:00.840
And that will, that'll take the stigma off of spending time with the Lord as well as

1149
01:31:00.840 --> 01:31:01.840
reading the Bible.

1150
01:31:01.840 --> 01:31:02.840
So does that help?

1151
01:31:02.840 --> 01:31:03.840
Is that helpful?

1152
01:31:03.840 --> 01:31:04.840
Yeah, it is.

1153
01:31:04.840 --> 01:31:09.120
And I feel like that's what I've been doing.

1154
01:31:09.120 --> 01:31:16.840
Like I feel like the more I got self permission to like just chill and yeah, yeah.

1155
01:31:16.840 --> 01:31:22.600
I feel like the more, or go ahead, well, no, no, along those lines, that's something that

1156
01:31:22.600 --> 01:31:26.520
I was going to say is back to what we were talking about earlier.

1157
01:31:26.520 --> 01:31:32.160
You just go and you just be with God again, like when talking about it related to, you

1158
01:31:32.160 --> 01:31:36.880
know, Oh, well, I just, you know, these people are saying these things and I just feel like

1159
01:31:36.880 --> 01:31:40.200
I don't feel like I'm on solid footing and whatever.

1160
01:31:40.200 --> 01:31:47.800
Don't worry about whether or not you like in that moment, when you need to be reassured,

1161
01:31:47.800 --> 01:31:51.440
don't worry about whether or not what you're believing or what you have been believing

1162
01:31:51.440 --> 01:31:54.440
or trying to step out of faith in or whatever isn't right.

1163
01:31:54.440 --> 01:32:02.720
Just go and be with God and just let yourself experience who he is and learn about him like

1164
01:32:02.720 --> 01:32:10.120
that and see if what he says or your interaction with him, your experience of him affirms the

1165
01:32:10.120 --> 01:32:14.400
things that you've been hearing or doesn't because you only ever want to take something

1166
01:32:14.400 --> 01:32:19.520
and act on it because you're ever, each one of us is responsible for our own relationship

1167
01:32:19.520 --> 01:32:21.560
with the Lord and accountable to him for that.

1168
01:32:21.560 --> 01:32:25.360
You only want to take things that resonate in your spirit where God is saying, yes, what

1169
01:32:25.360 --> 01:32:27.280
that person said is right.

1170
01:32:27.280 --> 01:32:32.360
As opposed to, you know, Oh, well that sounded logical or that sounded good or I want that

1171
01:32:32.360 --> 01:32:33.360
to be true.

1172
01:32:33.360 --> 01:32:34.360
No.

1173
01:32:34.360 --> 01:32:38.160
What resonates in your spirit between you and the Lord?

1174
01:32:38.160 --> 01:32:39.440
So anyway, that's it.

1175
01:32:39.440 --> 01:32:42.360
That was something else I was going to say is just kind of like to relieve all of this

1176
01:32:42.360 --> 01:32:45.840
a little similar to what I was talking about with the net earlier is whenever you start

1177
01:32:45.840 --> 01:32:49.640
feeling yourself getting stuck and bogged down, just go back to the simple thing.

1178
01:32:49.640 --> 01:32:54.840
Just go be with God and let your experience of him without an agenda, without trying to

1179
01:32:54.840 --> 01:32:58.160
learn something, without trying to ask him questions about like, Lord, I don't know if

1180
01:32:58.160 --> 01:33:03.440
this is right or wrong, you know, just go be with him and see and allow your experience

1181
01:33:03.440 --> 01:33:06.600
of him to teach you who he's really like.

1182
01:33:06.600 --> 01:33:07.600
Anyway.

1183
01:33:07.600 --> 01:33:08.600
Yeah.

1184
01:33:08.600 --> 01:33:11.400
Yeah, it is.

1185
01:33:11.400 --> 01:33:19.080
And I, I, I think what's frustrating to me is I, I feel like I was doing that and I feel

1186
01:33:19.080 --> 01:33:20.080
like I was doing it.

1187
01:33:20.080 --> 01:33:21.080
Wow.

1188
01:33:21.080 --> 01:33:26.640
Like I felt like I was really, really getting somewhere and then, yeah.

1189
01:33:26.640 --> 01:33:32.160
And I know this is probably just part of life in an old situation where you were triggered

1190
01:33:32.160 --> 01:33:35.720
of like, this is how you used to have to respond to all my word.

1191
01:33:35.720 --> 01:33:36.720
It's habit.

1192
01:33:37.720 --> 01:33:42.440
It's habit of what you had been taught was you were supposed to find your value in.

1193
01:33:42.440 --> 01:33:46.440
You were supposed to find your security in your whatever it's just.

1194
01:33:46.440 --> 01:33:52.280
And so don't, don't be hard on yourself or aggravated with yourself or upset with yourself

1195
01:33:52.280 --> 01:33:53.280
about it.

1196
01:33:53.280 --> 01:33:54.280
Just like, Oh, okay.

1197
01:33:54.280 --> 01:33:55.280
See, that's a part of me.

1198
01:33:55.280 --> 01:33:57.320
That's why I'm, that's why I'm pursuing the Lord.

1199
01:33:57.320 --> 01:34:02.440
It's because I've been in this much bondage where when I talk to people, I started feeling

1200
01:34:02.440 --> 01:34:03.760
death come in.

1201
01:34:03.760 --> 01:34:05.880
I started feeling this come in.

1202
01:34:06.040 --> 01:34:11.040
I farted, started to sink, lack of movement, hopelessness, you know, my God was great.

1203
01:34:11.040 --> 01:34:15.040
And now I've talked to somebody and my world's imploded, you know?

1204
01:34:15.040 --> 01:34:16.040
Yeah.

1205
01:34:16.040 --> 01:34:18.560
It was just like, well, it's just like, Hey, just come be with me and see what you think

1206
01:34:18.560 --> 01:34:22.080
after you're, you're with me, you know?

1207
01:34:22.080 --> 01:34:23.080
Yeah.

1208
01:34:23.080 --> 01:34:24.080
Yeah.

1209
01:34:24.080 --> 01:34:25.080
Yeah.

1210
01:34:25.080 --> 01:34:26.080
And I know, I know in my spirit, that's the answer.

1211
01:34:26.080 --> 01:34:33.680
And that's, yeah, I, that's what I choose, even though it's a, it's a, not a one time

1212
01:34:33.680 --> 01:34:34.680
thing.

1213
01:34:34.680 --> 01:34:35.680
Done deal.

1214
01:34:35.680 --> 01:34:36.680
Yeah.

1215
01:34:36.680 --> 01:34:37.680
I'm sorry.

1216
01:34:37.680 --> 01:34:40.680
I will tell you though, that whenever kind of like what we were talking about earlier

1217
01:34:40.680 --> 01:34:44.720
with the net, you know, about like struggles, trials, that this is the hardest that it will

1218
01:34:44.720 --> 01:34:45.720
be.

1219
01:34:45.720 --> 01:34:51.200
Um, when, if you choose to let go of this and just choose to hold on to God, instead

1220
01:34:51.200 --> 01:34:56.280
of struggling with all of this, what you've been triggered by, you'll feel you, you won't

1221
01:34:56.280 --> 01:34:57.680
feel this way anymore.

1222
01:34:57.680 --> 01:34:59.960
This weight is only in the struggle.

1223
01:34:59.960 --> 01:35:00.960
Yeah.

1224
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:03.960
Oh, it's not like, it's not like you have to, you're in this struggle.

1225
01:35:00.960 --> 01:35:00.960


1226
01:35:03.960 --> 01:35:06.840
Like, oh my word, is it just going to get worse when I find out the truth?

1227
01:35:06.880 --> 01:35:07.760
It's the opposite.

1228
01:35:07.760 --> 01:35:09.560
It's this as bad as it feels.

1229
01:35:09.920 --> 01:35:14.560
So if you don't like feeling this way, take the hard, make a hard

1230
01:35:14.560 --> 01:35:19.280
choice and the big risk that what he says is true and it's a risk.

1231
01:35:19.840 --> 01:35:22.800
So we, so we feel that that's going to be painful, but I promise

1232
01:35:22.800 --> 01:35:24.100
you it's so much less painful.

1233
01:35:24.100 --> 01:35:28.360
It's like everything within you all set goes still when you make that choice.

1234
01:35:28.640 --> 01:35:30.240
It's kind of like breaking the sound barrier.

1235
01:35:30.240 --> 01:35:32.960
You know, there's all of this noise, all this chaos, and then boom, you

1236
01:35:32.960 --> 01:35:36.840
have to pass the sound barrier and everything goes silent or when

1237
01:35:36.840 --> 01:35:38.400
spaceships go up into outer space.

1238
01:35:38.400 --> 01:35:40.560
If we've seen those movies where they shoot up into outer space,

1239
01:35:40.840 --> 01:35:42.000
there's all of this noise.

1240
01:35:42.040 --> 01:35:45.800
And then eventually they get out of the earth atmosphere, everything

1241
01:35:45.800 --> 01:35:48.200
shuts off and it is like deathly silence.

1242
01:35:48.880 --> 01:35:50.480
You know, that's how, how it is.

1243
01:35:50.480 --> 01:35:52.200
You just get into stillness.

1244
01:35:52.200 --> 01:35:56.160
So it's like this, where it is that you are is the worst that it can feel.

1245
01:35:56.160 --> 01:36:03.520
And it's like every, it's by choosing what God is inviting you to choose about

1246
01:36:03.520 --> 01:36:07.920
his freedom and who he is and just going to be with him and whatever

1247
01:36:08.000 --> 01:36:10.320
that gets you out of this place.

1248
01:36:11.200 --> 01:36:14.560
So in other words, you have an opportunity to get out of it, as opposed

1249
01:36:14.560 --> 01:36:17.920
to, as opposed to our old way of thinking, the way that we grew up of

1250
01:36:17.920 --> 01:36:21.200
like, no, this is where God is.

1251
01:36:21.640 --> 01:36:23.920
This is the Holy spirit.

1252
01:36:24.800 --> 01:36:26.160
Convicting you.

1253
01:36:26.560 --> 01:36:32.200
We got so used to our experience of God feeling bad and it's the opposite.

1254
01:36:32.200 --> 01:36:36.680
Our experience of God is to get us out of that and to fill the stillness.

1255
01:36:37.120 --> 01:36:40.280
And, uh, if it's freedom, does that make sense?

1256
01:36:40.800 --> 01:36:41.120
Yeah.

1257
01:36:41.400 --> 01:36:42.200
Yeah, it does.

1258
01:36:42.440 --> 01:36:47.000
And I, I did find myself this morning, just as I was like trying to like not

1259
01:36:47.000 --> 01:36:51.040
panic my way through the morning, like remembering, remembering being

1260
01:36:51.040 --> 01:36:55.400
encounters that I've had with the Lord and all of the, all of the things that

1261
01:36:55.400 --> 01:37:00.200
he's done for me that I can't like, that I can't explain to somebody and say,

1262
01:37:00.200 --> 01:37:04.000
Oh yeah, this physically happened, but that they also, I know they

1263
01:37:04.000 --> 01:37:05.360
can never take away from me.

1264
01:37:06.120 --> 01:37:10.000
So, um, I feel like that was encouraging for me.

1265
01:37:10.040 --> 01:37:12.800
Um, I know I'm going to be okay.

1266
01:37:12.800 --> 01:37:14.800
I feel like it's just, yeah.

1267
01:37:15.600 --> 01:37:16.760
It's just hard to get through.

1268
01:37:18.000 --> 01:37:18.360
Yeah.

1269
01:37:19.360 --> 01:37:21.640
Well, it's good to talk to both of y'all.

1270
01:37:21.800 --> 01:37:26.360
I love getting to chat with y'all and in between times on WhatsApp as well.

1271
01:37:26.400 --> 01:37:28.880
So now just reach out if you have anything.

1272
01:37:29.800 --> 01:37:30.640
Same.

1273
01:37:30.680 --> 01:37:34.400
And it was so lovely, uh, being over for Christmas.

1274
01:37:35.320 --> 01:37:37.080
I know, I know.

1275
01:37:37.080 --> 01:37:38.280
I loved that dream.

1276
01:37:38.280 --> 01:37:40.760
I was like, I took that as encouragement from the Lord.

1277
01:37:40.760 --> 01:37:43.120
I'm like, Oh Lord, is that what my life is like?

1278
01:37:43.800 --> 01:37:44.640
That was exciting.

1279
01:37:44.960 --> 01:37:45.920
So I appreciated it.

1280
01:37:47.080 --> 01:37:47.800
That's great.

1281
01:37:49.160 --> 01:37:49.640
All right.

1282
01:37:49.640 --> 01:37:52.360
Well, I will see y'all on Thursday.

1283
01:37:53.520 --> 01:37:54.480
Feel better.

1284
01:37:54.640 --> 01:37:57.000
I hope you get to rest.

1285
01:37:57.000 --> 01:37:58.040
And thanks.

1286
01:37:58.080 --> 01:37:59.160
I'm going to go lay down.

1287
01:38:01.600 --> 01:38:02.440
Hope you wake up.

1288
01:38:03.720 --> 01:38:04.680
Thank you very much.

1289
01:38:04.680 --> 01:38:07.960
Hope you sleep good and have a good rest of your day.

1290
01:38:09.960 --> 01:38:10.880
Thank you.

1291
01:38:10.920 --> 01:38:11.560
Bye.