WEBVTT

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Bye-bye.

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Hey.

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I can't hear you yet.

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I think you're connected to audio,

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though.

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Oh, it says now you're connecting

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it.

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OK, so now you're muted.

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So.

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OK, can you hear me?

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Yeah.

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OK, perfect.

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How are you?

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Good. How are you?

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Good.

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It's been a long time, hasn't it?

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And I was like, so excited to see

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you again and talk with you.

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Yeah, I've been looking forward

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to it, too.

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How are the girls?

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Brian.

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Well, yeah, we're all doing well.

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We're actually canning applesauce

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today.

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And my

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this is my computer.

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So I'm like, in case

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my if whatever reason, my Wi-Fi

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starts acting weird.

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I'm trying to download Zoom on my

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phone.

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I deleted some things.

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So just let me know

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if if something's not.

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Yeah.

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Anyways, I might have a phone

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just in case.

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But it'll be good.

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Well, I'm going to use my phone

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instead because

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in fact, speaking of that, let me

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change it really quick,

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because my I noticed

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that my Internet doesn't seem to

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be it seems to be really slow

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this afternoon and this evening.

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And so I thought, well, I better

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use my phone so I can use cellular

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service. So and then I forgot to

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turn on cellular.

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So because I was having the same

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problem, only the opposite of you.

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I can't use my computer and I have

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to use my phone today.

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Well, I am I have my hotspot

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connected right now, so I

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was hoping it'll.

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It'll be good.

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But, yeah, we were doing applesauce

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today. So I actually was like, I

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thought we were going to do it this

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morning and we're doing

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it this afternoon and at my mom's

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place.

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And my mother-in-law had offered

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to help. My grandma was there

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helping and my

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cousin was there.

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So we did like what

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we're they're still working on

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it. But it was like I did three

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bushels and mom did three bushels.

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So we should

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get one of those things

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that you like put onto the edge of

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the table and it cores the

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apple and peels it or do you hand

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peel all of them?

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No. So what we do is we actually

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like we like cut

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them into fours, boil

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them, get them all nice and soft

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and then put them through like one

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of those strainer things.

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Like, I don't know what.

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OK, like basically

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it like it just kind of squeezes

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it out and keeps the.

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Keeps the pulse and

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I mean, like it.

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Oh, cool.

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And

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wow.

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My grandma said she has one with

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like a crank.

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Ours is electric, thankfully,

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because I can't imagine

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doing that.

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It sounds like your grandma would

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be the one, you know,

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way back before the electric

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one. Oh, yeah, I've got the old

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green one.

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Like, oh, my word.

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Thank goodness I live in this

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century.

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Yeah, that was kind of satisfying.

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It's always like, oh, yeah,

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because it's kind of like a lot of

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work and kind of monotonous.

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But once everyone's together and

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we're just working and I actually

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do that, I was like, you know, like

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how amazing is it that I have like

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my grandma and my mom here?

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No, no, no, no.

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Oh, oh,

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that's all really, really special.

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So I was I was feeling very grateful

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for that, which in turn helped

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the process, you know, be

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a lot better.

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Like feeling grateful helped helped

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me feel a lot more positive about

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the getting through all of those

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whistles of apples.

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And so, yeah, that's what we were

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doing.

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Homesteading.

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So, yeah, that's

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what I was thinking of.

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I was very homesteading.

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That's great.

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So what I was kind

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of the last week,

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I was thinking through some things

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and I was like, man, I just keep

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like coming up to like a block and

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I'm like, I can't seem to work

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through it. And immediately I was

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like, I just want to talk to Ashley

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about this.

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And so.

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Oh, um, well, I'm gonna, I want to start with sharing an experience

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that I had in heaven. I think it was like, probably like the first

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Sunday in October or something. And I was like, feeling like,

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really like, I think my day was pretty normal. And then I like

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reached a point where I just felt like so unbelievably just

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like really low. And it almost like threw me back into that

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spiral of like, being feeling like, like, I just like, I'm

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just like, a horrible person, I deserve to die deserve to be

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like, in pain and like all of those just this. Yeah. And so

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like, I went to bed and like, within like, like, I just kept

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like, like, it just felt like it was just assaulting me. And I

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kept I was like, Jesus just helped me help me. Anyways, and

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within like, three times of saying that I was, I was in

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heaven. And like, I, so already, like a month ago, then

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Jesus was told me that probably a month ago, Jesus told me that

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he still likes to do like carpentry work in heaven, like

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he has his own like workshop, he likes to do things like he did

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on earth. And I was like, Oh, that's cool, you know. And so

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when I so that night, when I was like, Oh, Jesus helped me, I

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suddenly felt this, like, immense, like feeling of

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unbelievable love, like, you know, you just can't describe

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it. And so he was like, I want to show you a room, like a room

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in your mansion, like that's in heaven right now. And so I opened

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the door and I was like this huge library. And he was like,

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Yeah, I wanted to show you this, this bookshelf that I made for

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you specific, like, I made it. And I like, I don't know why,

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but like, all the times up to now, I was just thinking, you

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know, like, it's like, Oh, you know, you might have, like a

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mansion in heaven and things, but like, it's just like, I

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don't know, other people are like, not him, like taking care

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of all of the details and like, pouring over things and being

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like, this is specifically for you. And I'm designing it. And

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I'm involved, like, like all of that just didn't sink in, I

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guess. And so anyways, and so he was like, I want to show you

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this bookshelf. And he was like, I made this bookshelf for you,

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like I picked out like every part of it. And I made it

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myself and my workshop and all. And I was just thinking like,

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like the creator of the universe is just like the unbelievable

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love that I felt over this bookshelf, you know, like, it

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was just like, wow. And I was just, yeah, just really basking

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in that love. And then, then he showed me the desk beside it.

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And like, I love stationary, I saw in one of the pictures that

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you had, I don't know what exactly what it was, but you had

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like, something on your desk with like a bunch of different

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envelopes and like, notebooks or something. I'm not sure. And

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yeah, I probably did. I can't think of what it would be. But

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but I'm sure it was like in the background, but I immediately

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noticed it because I love the stationary. I do too. In fact, a

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friend's friend of mine made this stationary for me. You see

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it? That is beautiful. And it's made on linen. And so she made

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this one. She made them all different. And I think there's a

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third one. Oh, yeah, this one. Anyway, anyway, yeah, I like

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stationary as well. This is the linen, you know, like where you

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can see the lines, you probably can't see it on that. But you

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can see the lines, you know, it's thick. Anyway, so it's

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really, really fancy. So I'm with you on that. I like and it

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even comes with like, she even sent him with them linen on

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below. So I'm with you. I like actually knowing that you like

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stationary because few people appreciate my love of

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stationary. This is I have this. Yes, letters. It says letters.

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And you know, oh, yeah, and I have all of my like stationary

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Yeah, it's got a little drawer. You know, they can pull out with

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all of my like stamps and all of my end. Like pens and

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everything. So yes. Okay, so this is what you saw then. Okay.

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And so anyways, I just because I love stationary. So I was

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sitting at this desk that like he was had made for me. And one

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of the papers on there was like it was like around the edges of

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the board. It was like gold. Like kind of like Yeah. Yeah.

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Like this part of it was gold. If that makes sense. Yeah. Like

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brushed gold or something. And then it was like, oh, this is

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real gold, not just like a fake, you know, like, of course,

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everything is real. And I mean, it's nothing is like counterfeit

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in heaven. But that

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was another thing that I was like, Oh, like, this is all like

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real, everything is, you know, and he was just then was telling

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me how, like, or it's like some of these things, I just kind of

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just came to my knowing, I guess, like, I just understood

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it. And it was like, he was saying how, like, or I would

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feel feeling or sense of however you want to say it, but like,

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every single detail about the way that like, these, these

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homes are created for us, these mansions are created for us,

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like, I say mansion, because like, that's what I grew up

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hearing. So I don't know if that's like, whatever. But

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anyway, so, um, he was saying how he even has like, family

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members that like are in heaven before us, like, are like have

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passed from this earth and are in heaven, like, hope, like, or

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family members, whatever helped design the house. And he was

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like, like, your mom, like, pick out the colors of your

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bedroom, like the color of details. It was like, Oh, my

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goodness, like, such a like, it was it made heaven seem so real.

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Like, it just like, I don't know. And so during this

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interaction, then, so then I had a moment where my the the son

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that I miscarried, he like, Alex is what what I call that's what

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we had named him before. So anyways, his name is Alex. And

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so he like ran up to me, he's like, Mom, I want to show you

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something. And I like he took me to the next room. And just

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now, or not just now, but like, I think it was a week later that

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I clued in, but he was showing me something in his room, and it

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was next to the one. So like, it kind of comforted me being like,

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Oh, like, we'll have a room in my house for her. Yeah. Yeah. And

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so I was like, I want to show you this. And he had like had

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this toy box that Jesus had made. And it was like this big

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wooden toy box with like toy, you know, and so it was like, he

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told me that he wants to, like, sit down and eat with me. And so

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like, we sat down and we had scones, I think, like, I don't

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know. I was kind of random. But yes. And so we were like eating

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scones. And he was like, Yeah, like, Grandma was telling me

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about you. And I was like, Grandma, and then I immediately

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thought of my great grandma plank, who's passed already, I

255
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don't know, probably 10 years, maybe more. And he was, he said

256
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that, like, and I came to my understanding, okay, she's like

257
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taking care of him or whatever, like, and he seemed like, he's

258
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like, between the ages of like, two and four, like, that's how

259
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it seems like to me. Um, so anyway, and then he was like,

260
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Yeah, grandma told me that whenever you would come over to

261
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play, like play games with her, whatever, she would always pray

262
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for you. And she would pray that you would grow up to be strong

263
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and good, whatever that means. And I was like, Oh, of course,

264
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he's like, what does that mean? Because he just is good. Like,

265
00:13:05.320 --> 00:13:08.200
there's no good and bad. Yeah. He said, she prayed that you

266
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would grow up strong and good, whatever that means. So I

267
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thought that was so cute. Because like, obviously, he

268
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doesn't have a grid for good. Yeah. Or I don't think so. Um,

269
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yeah. And so I uh, so anyways, and then after that, um, he

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like, oh, and then he like, ran out to go play. And it kind of

271
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came to my it came to my knowing that there was a girl. And

272
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either he was playing with the girl who was something with a

273
00:13:40.840 --> 00:13:43.560
girl. And at first, it kind of scared me. I was like, No, no,

274
00:13:43.560 --> 00:13:45.960
like, I'm gonna pray that God would reveal to me what that

275
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meant. And so that that scene, kind of like faded or whatever.

276
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And then the next day, I suddenly came to my realization

277
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that I had an aunt who had a miscarriage. And I asked her

278
00:14:00.880 --> 00:14:04.200
like, Hey, like, do you think you know the gender? And she was

279
00:14:04.200 --> 00:14:06.320
like, Oh, I always thought it was a boy. And I was like, okay,

280
00:14:06.320 --> 00:14:09.920
like, maybe it wasn't. It wasn't that. But I just felt like that

281
00:14:09.920 --> 00:14:17.080
girl was was hers. And then she called me she said, Lori, I don't

282
00:14:17.080 --> 00:14:19.960
know if you know or not, but I had three miscarriages. And she

283
00:14:19.960 --> 00:14:23.840
said, I always knew the first I knew that I knew the first two

284
00:14:23.840 --> 00:14:28.240
were boys. But she said, last week, someone had asked me if I

285
00:14:28.240 --> 00:14:31.440
have they don't have a child yet. And they they want to have

286
00:14:31.440 --> 00:14:35.760
children. And she was saying how are like not her side or

287
00:14:35.760 --> 00:14:39.280
whatever. And anyways, and she was saying how, like, someone

288
00:14:39.320 --> 00:14:42.160
asked if she's already named the child that they have, like

289
00:14:42.200 --> 00:14:45.200
children that they will have on earth. And then like, if she's

290
00:14:45.200 --> 00:14:49.720
named the ones that she miscarried. And she was, she was

291
00:14:49.720 --> 00:14:54.160
like, Well, no, I like we kind of want to do that or whatever.

292
00:14:54.160 --> 00:14:57.040
And she said, I kind of put it on pause, because I was never

293
00:14:57.040 --> 00:15:00.120
sure what the third, what gender the third child

294
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:03.360
was I just always assumed it was probably a boy like the first few but I

295
00:15:03.360 --> 00:15:08.800
didn't really know and so she said when I got your text I was like I she

296
00:15:08.800 --> 00:15:13.760
basically just took time to pray and ask Jesus like if this girl was like hers

297
00:15:13.760 --> 00:15:17.960
and she said he like wrapped her up in this really big hug and she just cried

298
00:15:17.960 --> 00:15:25.840
and cried and she like knew that this was her girl and I was like it just like

299
00:15:25.840 --> 00:15:32.360
yeah it was so awesome because it was like the experience I had impacted yeah

300
00:15:32.360 --> 00:15:40.240
impacted someone else yeah I'm comfort yeah so anyways and then and this I

301
00:15:40.240 --> 00:15:45.520
think the reason that this was such it was like it felt like I was there was so

302
00:15:45.520 --> 00:15:51.160
many interactions and but the third one specifically is what I wanted to talk to

303
00:15:51.160 --> 00:15:56.200
you about because that's the one that like I know in the spirit and then like

304
00:15:56.200 --> 00:16:03.360
I wrestle with I guess in the flesh and that one is so Jesus took him out to a

305
00:16:03.360 --> 00:16:09.760
field and he was like he asked me to be his bride and I was like yeah no and he

306
00:16:09.760 --> 00:16:16.640
like specifically asked me and okay so just a just to back up a little bit um I

307
00:16:16.720 --> 00:16:21.600
think you know that I've kind of like wrestled with the head covering thing

308
00:16:21.600 --> 00:16:27.080
just a little bit like oh yeah and it was like something that I've done since

309
00:16:27.080 --> 00:16:32.560
I was literally an infant and then like trying to reconcile it with like that it

310
00:16:32.560 --> 00:16:37.520
doesn't like impact my salvation all that but I so I had been praying and

311
00:16:37.520 --> 00:16:43.080
praying that he would give me an answer on this and like I just wouldn't like I

312
00:16:43.080 --> 00:16:46.160
fought it so much like I was trying to use knowledge I was trying to use this

313
00:16:46.160 --> 00:16:53.920
yeah wrestled and wrestled I was like so I let it go I let it rest and then a

314
00:16:53.920 --> 00:16:58.680
couple weeks ago I kind of had like this image of myself and it was like my old

315
00:16:58.680 --> 00:17:03.560
man and my new man and my old man was wearing a veil and my new man was not I

316
00:17:03.560 --> 00:17:08.800
was just wearing a headband or something and oh so that was like okay I think that

317
00:17:08.800 --> 00:17:14.440
meant something um and then I had to kind of let it go again and I had to

318
00:17:14.440 --> 00:17:18.240
wrestle through that a little bit anyways and so he asked me to be his

319
00:17:18.240 --> 00:17:23.880
bride and like he gave me this like I think it was like a ruby ring it was

320
00:17:23.880 --> 00:17:30.120
like a red ring to represent like you know what he has done for me and like

321
00:17:30.120 --> 00:17:37.000
anyways and so then there was another image of like where I was like walking

322
00:17:37.000 --> 00:17:41.560
walking down the aisle towards him and I had on like my bridal veil and I was

323
00:17:41.560 --> 00:17:46.280
like walking down the aisle towards him and like when I came up to him he like

324
00:17:46.280 --> 00:17:50.640
took the veil off and he's like you no longer need this between me and you like

325
00:17:50.640 --> 00:17:56.880
we are one like you are my bride like this is not you don't need this like to

326
00:17:56.880 --> 00:18:01.960
come to come to me like we are one like we are yeah like completely one you

327
00:18:01.960 --> 00:18:06.320
don't need something between us you no longer need this veil between us because

328
00:18:06.320 --> 00:18:13.080
you know just like I tore the veil that night like done like you know yeah you

329
00:18:13.080 --> 00:18:18.200
have to wear this veil I was like oh my god oh like it was like such a like

330
00:18:18.200 --> 00:18:25.320
release of like oh wow like he does not I don't need to be like wearing

331
00:18:25.320 --> 00:18:29.560
something physical to come to him because like he's already like done

332
00:18:29.560 --> 00:18:34.440
everything you know anyway so that was like a really like oh my goodness like I

333
00:18:34.440 --> 00:18:39.960
just like no one can like convince me that it wasn't real like it was so real

334
00:18:39.960 --> 00:18:46.520
and I was like I know know that I know that it was but like after I like came

335
00:18:46.520 --> 00:18:53.600
out of that you know like back into like this world then for the last couple

336
00:18:53.600 --> 00:18:57.800
weeks I've been kind of struggling with through it a little bit and one of the

337
00:18:57.800 --> 00:19:05.160
things that I that I've struggled with is why is it like like I was I was

338
00:19:05.160 --> 00:19:10.120
telling my husband like I was like it just doesn't make sense like I know that

339
00:19:10.120 --> 00:19:15.200
this is what what Jesus told me and this is what he did for me and like why is it

340
00:19:15.200 --> 00:19:22.560
that I feel like almost like a guilt or like a nakedness or like a like this

341
00:19:22.560 --> 00:19:30.080
just exposed feeling for not wearing like a physical like and it was

342
00:19:30.080 --> 00:19:35.760
something that I've done since I was like literally like an infant literally

343
00:19:35.760 --> 00:19:40.320
put something like I don't know a month old or something like and so it's like

344
00:19:40.320 --> 00:19:44.480
ingrained ingrained ingrained I was like why is it something that I feel like

345
00:19:44.480 --> 00:19:50.960
Jesus I know Jesus showed me why am I struggling with feeling like this I

346
00:19:51.120 --> 00:19:54.760
don't even know how to explain it like it's almost like it's hard for me to

347
00:19:54.760 --> 00:20:01.880
like connect like like I think it's hard

348
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.720
me because I also, it's also like a cultural thing. Like, it

349
00:20:04.720 --> 00:20:09.000
also makes me feel like I'm fitting into like my family and

350
00:20:09.000 --> 00:20:13.560
like, culture around me, like, in in Arthur, Illinois, like a

351
00:20:13.560 --> 00:20:17.880
lot of people had covered. I mean, I feel like that's just

352
00:20:17.880 --> 00:20:23.320
kind of the culture. So then I was like, well, you know, maybe

353
00:20:23.360 --> 00:20:26.560
then then of course, my whole my mind went like, he released me

354
00:20:26.560 --> 00:20:29.680
from it. So maybe it doesn't mean that I miss I was supposed

355
00:20:29.680 --> 00:20:33.040
to stop wearing it. But like, yet it did. Because I feel like,

356
00:20:33.880 --> 00:20:38.680
like, it was just like this whole thing of like, I like some

357
00:20:38.680 --> 00:20:42.520
people can can wear it is like not a big deal to them. But I

358
00:20:42.520 --> 00:20:48.720
feel like when I wore it, it was still kind of like a like, it

359
00:20:48.720 --> 00:20:52.080
was still something attached to it. Like, I don't know, like,

360
00:20:52.080 --> 00:20:56.360
it's so confusing. Sometimes I'm like, anyway, confusion is not

361
00:20:56.360 --> 00:21:00.120
fun to work. But I was like, wrestling through the whole

362
00:21:00.120 --> 00:21:04.440
like cultural thing too. And like, feeling like I'm losing a

363
00:21:04.440 --> 00:21:09.040
part of myself that I've the only thing I've done for years.

364
00:21:09.040 --> 00:21:13.720
And like, it's just all like, I don't know, so confusing. And it

365
00:21:13.720 --> 00:21:16.760
wasn't like I wore my veil at home all the time either. Like I

366
00:21:16.760 --> 00:21:19.840
would have devotions and I would pray and it was just the going

367
00:21:19.840 --> 00:21:23.600
out in public family gatherings, you know, church, all those

368
00:21:23.600 --> 00:21:27.760
things, like, that's what I would wear. But and now it's

369
00:21:27.760 --> 00:21:32.480
like trying to like, wrestle through those like, I don't

370
00:21:32.480 --> 00:21:38.600
know, attachments that came with the veil. And it's like, even to

371
00:21:38.600 --> 00:21:41.800
me, like even saying it sounds so crazy that there's so many

372
00:21:41.800 --> 00:21:45.280
attachments to like, a physical piece of something, but it there

373
00:21:45.280 --> 00:21:49.120
was like, there's so many attachments. And so like, how do

374
00:21:49.120 --> 00:21:55.680
I work through that? How do I? I don't know. That's, that's

375
00:21:55.680 --> 00:21:58.480
basically what I've been like, really, that's been heavy on my

376
00:21:58.480 --> 00:22:03.240
heart is like, working through those feelings. And yeah.

377
00:22:07.720 --> 00:22:11.360
Well, you know, first of all, I think that what you mentioned

378
00:22:11.360 --> 00:22:14.560
was very insightful. There's a lot of things attached to it,

379
00:22:14.560 --> 00:22:24.120
which is why it's such a such a powerful thing. Meaning like,

380
00:22:24.800 --> 00:22:31.280
why people get really mad over it. And that it's very, that

381
00:22:31.320 --> 00:22:36.800
that should or shouldn't women wear the veil is a very is very

382
00:22:36.800 --> 00:22:42.320
divisive, as particularly among people that wear it, and thought

383
00:22:42.320 --> 00:22:46.200
that we were supposed, we were supposed to and then others and

384
00:22:46.200 --> 00:22:50.320
then people in their community start to question it, and then

385
00:22:50.320 --> 00:22:52.680
start to not wear it or whatever, especially in those

386
00:22:52.680 --> 00:22:56.680
communities, it's extremely, extremely emotionally divisive.

387
00:22:57.080 --> 00:23:01.680
Because there are it and it's not because it's just all it is

388
00:23:01.680 --> 00:23:04.160
is a little piece of lace. I mean, seriously, what do we

389
00:23:04.160 --> 00:23:07.680
think it's going to do? Right? But it's there's meaning that

390
00:23:07.680 --> 00:23:11.000
we've given it. There's authority that we've given it

391
00:23:11.000 --> 00:23:16.520
there's, there's things that we have said are important, because

392
00:23:16.520 --> 00:23:20.920
we thought that God said that they were, and we have chosen

393
00:23:20.920 --> 00:23:25.400
authoritatively to attach it to that thing. And so it carries

394
00:23:25.400 --> 00:23:30.680
all of that carries everything that not just you have attached

395
00:23:30.680 --> 00:23:35.480
to it, you know, through your understanding growing up with

396
00:23:35.480 --> 00:23:41.240
wearing the veil, and just your your personal history and

397
00:23:41.240 --> 00:23:43.920
interacting with the Lord, you know, when you would wear the

398
00:23:43.920 --> 00:23:46.880
veil and all that it's not just that it's carrying with it all

399
00:23:46.880 --> 00:23:51.000
of the history of all of the authority that humanity in

400
00:23:51.000 --> 00:23:56.520
general has given to it. And so anyway, there's just a lot a lot

401
00:23:56.520 --> 00:23:59.520
to it. So it's like I said, it's very insightful of you to

402
00:23:59.520 --> 00:24:03.160
realize, you know, that what feels so heavy is all of the

403
00:24:03.160 --> 00:24:05.960
things that are attached to it. And it's not necessarily the

404
00:24:05.960 --> 00:24:11.240
thing that it the thing itself. And then, you know, I was

405
00:24:11.240 --> 00:24:13.760
listening to you. And I was thinking, you know, I feel very

406
00:24:13.760 --> 00:24:22.840
ill equipped to answer this in as, as maybe I would other

407
00:24:22.840 --> 00:24:27.320
subjects. And part of it, I think that there's some stuff to

408
00:24:27.320 --> 00:24:30.520
it that the Lord just hasn't revealed to me. And then there

409
00:24:30.520 --> 00:24:35.080
are other things of like, just I haven't, it's not anything

410
00:24:35.080 --> 00:24:39.400
that I've explored it. I mean, I say that. I mean, I have in the

411
00:24:39.400 --> 00:24:42.560
fact that I've had multiple people in my in my rest

412
00:24:42.560 --> 00:24:48.800
intensive struggle with wearing or not wearing the veil. So

413
00:24:48.840 --> 00:24:52.600
I've had these, I've had these conversations multiple times. So

414
00:24:52.600 --> 00:24:56.480
I mean, I've explored it in that way. But like me, and then I did

415
00:24:56.480 --> 00:24:59.160
struggle with it a bit. Maybe it was I was in high school or

416
00:24:59.160 --> 00:24:59.880
something when I came

417
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.960
process passages. And I was like, you know,

418
00:25:02.960 --> 00:25:06.680
are we not doing something as women when it we're supposed to be doing?

419
00:25:07.000 --> 00:25:11.240
And, um, and it really bothered me. And I talked to my mom about it, mom,

420
00:25:11.240 --> 00:25:15.400
aren't we supposed to be doing this and that kind of thing. Um, so I,

421
00:25:15.440 --> 00:25:17.320
I did have a general struggle with it,

422
00:25:17.320 --> 00:25:19.520
but it's just kind of like between me and the Lord,

423
00:25:20.240 --> 00:25:24.440
I know that it's not needed. So I really haven't,

424
00:25:24.720 --> 00:25:29.320
I don't feel like I've really delved deep into why.

425
00:25:29.600 --> 00:25:33.800
I've done some digging into why, et cetera, but here's,

426
00:25:33.840 --> 00:25:38.200
here's my point in saying that is I feel that I feel very

427
00:25:38.200 --> 00:25:42.160
ill-equipped to be able to mention this conversation,

428
00:25:42.840 --> 00:25:45.040
which in a way is good,

429
00:25:45.440 --> 00:25:50.000
because what I can say is that that is just direct

430
00:25:50.000 --> 00:25:54.640
everything back to the Lord and your relationship

431
00:25:54.640 --> 00:25:57.160
with him and how all of that works.

432
00:25:57.720 --> 00:26:01.000
Instead of looking at the actual thing itself and why, again,

433
00:26:01.000 --> 00:26:02.600
according to the tree of the knowledge of the evil,

434
00:26:02.600 --> 00:26:07.240
you should logically think this way and you should logically think this

435
00:26:07.240 --> 00:26:11.320
way that I really don't have to give. Um, but I do have,

436
00:26:11.360 --> 00:26:15.880
but what I do have, like, as was it all that said that, you know, or it was Peter,

437
00:26:17.040 --> 00:26:20.960
Peter and John went to pray. What does it say? You know, um,

438
00:26:21.040 --> 00:26:23.760
silver and gold have I known, but such as I have given you the kind of thing.

439
00:26:24.440 --> 00:26:29.440
Um, so what it is that I do have, I can give you. And, um, and that is, well,

440
00:26:29.440 --> 00:26:33.120
and even before we do that, um, you know, let me,

441
00:26:33.160 --> 00:26:37.080
before I even go into that, we can just, we can just talk to the Lord about it.

442
00:26:37.120 --> 00:26:41.480
So, you know, Lord, um, I know what it's like to be where,

443
00:26:41.520 --> 00:26:43.160
where Lori is and, you know, Lord,

444
00:26:43.160 --> 00:26:47.280
I currently have my own areas in life that I'm questioning with you.

445
00:26:47.960 --> 00:26:52.320
Um, and, and we can't people,

446
00:26:52.800 --> 00:26:54.480
we've heard lots of explanations, Lord,

447
00:26:54.560 --> 00:26:57.440
lots of reasons why we should interpret the Bible one way,

448
00:26:57.440 --> 00:27:00.760
or why we should interpret it in a different way. And it just, Lord,

449
00:27:00.760 --> 00:27:01.600
hasn't helped.

450
00:27:02.280 --> 00:27:06.280
So we ask that we thank you for what it is that you have shown Lori,

451
00:27:06.280 --> 00:27:07.800
where she just feels like she knows, she knows,

452
00:27:07.800 --> 00:27:10.880
she knows that she had this experience with you,

453
00:27:11.240 --> 00:27:16.240
but she is still struggling with being able to rest in it,

454
00:27:18.080 --> 00:27:21.600
rest in the rest in that new truth. So either Lord,

455
00:27:21.600 --> 00:27:24.400
she's not believing it and she just desperately wants to,

456
00:27:24.960 --> 00:27:28.040
she doesn't believe Lord that it like she's wrestling with Lord,

457
00:27:28.040 --> 00:27:29.080
but the fact that she doesn't,

458
00:27:29.680 --> 00:27:32.360
isn't sure that you've shown her that,

459
00:27:33.040 --> 00:27:37.640
or she really is sure that she's struggling to rest in it because it's so

460
00:27:37.640 --> 00:27:41.280
contradictory to other areas of her life. In other words,

461
00:27:41.280 --> 00:27:45.120
the way that she's lived historically or with her family and, oh my goodness,

462
00:27:45.120 --> 00:27:46.240
what would that mean? You know, Lord,

463
00:27:46.480 --> 00:27:50.520
in our relationships or interactions with other people. So Lord,

464
00:27:50.520 --> 00:27:53.800
only you can bring that assurance. Only you Lord can bring that rest.

465
00:27:54.200 --> 00:27:59.200
Only you Lord can bring that definitive certainty where she can't ever question

466
00:27:59.840 --> 00:28:00.600
this again.

467
00:28:00.600 --> 00:28:04.000
Because if I try to convince her Lord or somebody else tries to convince her,

468
00:28:04.880 --> 00:28:06.200
am I convinced her for a while?

469
00:28:06.200 --> 00:28:07.960
Or she might even convince herself for a while,

470
00:28:08.800 --> 00:28:13.800
but nothing can sway us Lord when you definitively move our spirits.

471
00:28:14.920 --> 00:28:19.720
So we ask Lord that you would, that you would move Lori's spirit,

472
00:28:19.760 --> 00:28:24.760
that you would drop your truth of your relationship with her,

473
00:28:25.640 --> 00:28:29.840
regardless of what you have anybody else do Lord of your relationship with her,

474
00:28:29.840 --> 00:28:34.440
that you would drop that Lord into her spirit so that she would know so that

475
00:28:34.440 --> 00:28:39.160
she would be able to rest in this aspect Lord with you and pray that you would

476
00:28:39.160 --> 00:28:40.760
do that today in Jesus's name.

477
00:28:41.880 --> 00:28:44.200
So you're welcome.

478
00:28:45.880 --> 00:28:49.000
And like I was just telling the Lord, you know, there's,

479
00:28:50.560 --> 00:28:55.160
it, nothing can convince us like him

480
00:28:57.280 --> 00:28:59.960
moving our spirits so that we, that it,

481
00:28:59.960 --> 00:29:04.960
that the oneness that we have in our spirits with him knows it's like it

482
00:29:05.600 --> 00:29:08.920
touches and has access to that place that it's just, Oh,

483
00:29:09.200 --> 00:29:13.920
it's truth with a capital T and this is how it is. And, um, so anyway,

484
00:29:14.680 --> 00:29:17.000
um, but there's, uh,

485
00:29:17.280 --> 00:29:20.960
so what I would recommend is like, I was just now mentioning, you know,

486
00:29:20.960 --> 00:29:22.120
the Lord, it would just,

487
00:29:22.240 --> 00:29:26.880
it just came to me when I was talking to him that you need to,

488
00:29:27.360 --> 00:29:32.360
if you know for sure that you really do believe that you had that experience

489
00:29:32.800 --> 00:29:36.760
with Jesus and that was not your imagination. I'm not questioning you.

490
00:29:37.040 --> 00:29:40.520
I'm telling, I'm telling you how you need to process through this and telling

491
00:29:40.520 --> 00:29:43.640
you how I would process through this, that I have to know, okay,

492
00:29:43.640 --> 00:29:47.080
do I truly know my spirit? That was Jesus.

493
00:29:47.120 --> 00:29:50.400
That was him personally interacting with me.

494
00:29:51.120 --> 00:29:55.000
And if you, and if you believe that, if you know that,

495
00:29:55.360 --> 00:29:59.040
if you choose that by faith, we'll then rest in that.

496
00:29:59.400 --> 00:30:00.240
And here's what.

497
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:06.320
I mean by that, meaning like you stop trying to convince yourself you've made a choice

498
00:30:06.320 --> 00:30:09.580
to you've chosen that that is reality.

499
00:30:09.580 --> 00:30:13.100
And you don't just choose whatever it is you want to be reality.

500
00:30:13.100 --> 00:30:18.120
You're basing it off of the fact that no, I'm believing that that is actually God based

501
00:30:18.120 --> 00:30:23.980
off of Mike's past encounters with him, based on how my spirit knows what his spirit feels

502
00:30:23.980 --> 00:30:27.680
like based on what it is that he's revealed to me about himself.

503
00:30:27.680 --> 00:30:33.560
I know through historical interaction with him, I know my, I know my shepherd's voice

504
00:30:33.560 --> 00:30:34.860
and I know that was him.

505
00:30:34.860 --> 00:30:41.060
My spirit recognizes that my flesh and my mind may struggle with it, but my spirit recognizes

506
00:30:41.060 --> 00:30:45.360
the voice of my shepherd and my interactions with him.

507
00:30:45.360 --> 00:30:52.360
My spirit sensed the confirmation that that was his presence that I was with.

508
00:30:52.360 --> 00:30:57.000
And then you just choose by faith, meaning like you don't have any proof.

509
00:30:57.000 --> 00:30:59.520
You just have to choose that it's true though.

510
00:30:59.520 --> 00:31:05.260
You just choose though, in order to make it safe, you choose that.

511
00:31:05.260 --> 00:31:12.400
What you believe that you're choosing, what it is you believe God is saying and who God

512
00:31:12.400 --> 00:31:14.680
is and where he is and all of that.

513
00:31:14.680 --> 00:31:19.280
In other words, your focus of your faith, your anchor, the faith has to be him, not

514
00:31:19.280 --> 00:31:23.640
in something you want, not in something you wish, not even in something you experienced,

515
00:31:23.640 --> 00:31:26.960
but did you experience him?

516
00:31:26.960 --> 00:31:32.280
Not an environment, not a situation, not something that happened, but himself, his presence,

517
00:31:32.280 --> 00:31:36.760
his spirit, because that interaction, the interaction with his presence is what will

518
00:31:36.760 --> 00:31:41.920
transform you and what will completely convince you so to speak, where your spirit knows something

519
00:31:41.920 --> 00:31:48.220
that your flesh won't understand, that your feelings won't follow yet, that you can't

520
00:31:48.220 --> 00:31:53.480
logically explain to yourself or to someone else, but your spirit feels at home.

521
00:31:54.320 --> 00:31:55.320
It feels anchored.

522
00:31:55.320 --> 00:32:01.000
It no longer feels jostled and swayed and you know, just kind of like and bent around.

523
00:32:01.000 --> 00:32:05.480
And so what I'm talking about with like the resting in it is having that faith.

524
00:32:05.480 --> 00:32:09.400
Remember everything is a gift from God, including that faith, including that faith that you

525
00:32:09.400 --> 00:32:14.360
are choosing, that you are choosing to direct towards, you know, the Lord and choosing,

526
00:32:14.360 --> 00:32:18.040
you know, Lord, if you say that that's true, then I'm choosing that it's reality.

527
00:32:18.040 --> 00:32:21.240
That faith right there, that's a gift from the Lord.

528
00:32:21.240 --> 00:32:27.560
And the fact that he is who he is, and he is that to you, that's a gift from him.

529
00:32:27.560 --> 00:32:30.560
So he does everything.

530
00:32:30.560 --> 00:32:44.160
So you even changing your beliefs, your, um, uh, I don't know your, it's almost like your

531
00:32:44.160 --> 00:32:47.920
posture, your, the direction in which you're, you're facing.

532
00:32:47.920 --> 00:32:49.920
In other words, you believe that this is reality.

533
00:32:50.600 --> 00:32:54.880
You now see the Lord, you now see the world and life from this perspective.

534
00:32:54.880 --> 00:33:00.040
When you always thought from this one before that shift in posture, that, that change that

535
00:33:00.040 --> 00:33:04.160
needs to be made, that's for God to do too.

536
00:33:04.160 --> 00:33:05.680
And here's how it happens.

537
00:33:05.680 --> 00:33:09.040
It happens as soon as you choose by faith, that it's true.

538
00:33:09.040 --> 00:33:10.040
You change.

539
00:33:10.040 --> 00:33:16.040
That's all that is required is you agreeing with God about what he says is true.

540
00:33:16.040 --> 00:33:20.160
You're not making anything up, meaning like you're not coming to him with an idea and

541
00:33:20.160 --> 00:33:21.560
he approves it.

542
00:33:21.560 --> 00:33:22.720
He initiates everything.

543
00:33:22.720 --> 00:33:24.600
He gives you the faith.

544
00:33:24.600 --> 00:33:27.880
So that I'm meaning like the ability to agree with him.

545
00:33:27.880 --> 00:33:32.360
So he comes up with an idea of like, Hey, and I'm just, I'm just, you know, saying for

546
00:33:32.360 --> 00:33:38.000
instance that, you know, let's say that there are that, that God doesn't require bail.

547
00:33:38.000 --> 00:33:39.000
Let's say that.

548
00:33:39.000 --> 00:33:40.000
That's what I believe.

549
00:33:40.000 --> 00:33:45.780
That's what you're believing, but you're struggling with not believing it, you know, and all that.

550
00:33:45.780 --> 00:33:50.380
So let's say that, let's say that God says that there's that, that women don't have to

551
00:33:50.380 --> 00:33:51.740
wear veils.

552
00:33:51.740 --> 00:33:59.500
Well, that is a, that is a truth that he is initiating.

553
00:33:59.500 --> 00:34:06.500
You're not asking him that and like, Oh, wouldn't this be nice if, and initiating the idea of

554
00:34:06.500 --> 00:34:09.500
Lord, I would really like it if it worked this way.

555
00:34:09.500 --> 00:34:12.460
God is initiating it working like that.

556
00:34:12.460 --> 00:34:18.100
All you're doing to change and to come into alignment with it is simply agreeing with

557
00:34:18.100 --> 00:34:20.639
something that he said.

558
00:34:20.639 --> 00:34:28.179
So you're not having to do anything to change you and to come into agreement with an alignment

559
00:34:28.179 --> 00:34:29.580
with him.

560
00:34:29.580 --> 00:34:31.179
He will do all of that.

561
00:34:31.179 --> 00:34:32.179
So that's what I'm saying.

562
00:34:32.179 --> 00:34:38.300
When I say you just rest in it, you make a choice and then you choose that God does everything

563
00:34:38.300 --> 00:34:43.300
in you that needs to be done to change your direction.

564
00:34:43.300 --> 00:34:47.219
You don't even have to be looking in this direction and think, okay, no, I'm coming

565
00:34:47.219 --> 00:34:49.820
to agreement with God or in God.

566
00:34:49.820 --> 00:34:50.820
Okay.

567
00:34:50.820 --> 00:34:54.179
Now that I'm going to come into agreement with God, now I need to do this.

568
00:34:54.179 --> 00:34:55.900
There's no, now I need to do this.

569
00:34:55.900 --> 00:34:57.500
There's no step two.

570
00:34:57.500 --> 00:34:59.580
There's just, I come into agreement.

571
00:34:59.580 --> 00:35:00.080
And when you say.

572
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:07.840
that you come into agreement, God moves you. So all you have to do is once you choose that

573
00:35:07.840 --> 00:35:13.720
it's true between you and God, and you make a willful intentional decision, remember of

574
00:35:13.720 --> 00:35:17.760
your own free will, because, because just because God says it's true doesn't mean you

575
00:35:17.760 --> 00:35:22.660
get to live like it. You have to choose that it's true because God says, Hey, this is true.

576
00:35:22.660 --> 00:35:26.060
And then, and then, you know, he lets go of it. And so it's just hanging out here and

577
00:35:26.060 --> 00:35:30.980
God's not holding on to it anymore. And then you said, so what do you say? And you say,

578
00:35:30.980 --> 00:35:36.380
no, I choose it too. And so you have to actually reach out and grab it, so to speak. In other

579
00:35:36.380 --> 00:35:42.660
words, you have your own free will not being coerced by God, not being forced by God. You

580
00:35:42.660 --> 00:35:47.860
have the choice. Do you want to make that choice? Or do you want to make this one? Which

581
00:35:47.860 --> 00:35:53.340
one? And so you just like, no, I agree with God. You didn't come up with the idea. There's

582
00:35:53.380 --> 00:35:58.780
no effort. There's no exertion. There's no initiation, nothing. All you do is you say,

583
00:35:58.780 --> 00:36:05.660
yes. And when you say yes, God does everything. God does everything before you say yes, and he

584
00:36:05.660 --> 00:36:11.020
does everything after. So once you say yes, he will change you. So you so that's what I mean,

585
00:36:11.020 --> 00:36:17.140
when I say rest in it, choose that one, understand and realize by faith that when

586
00:36:17.140 --> 00:36:26.020
you've made a decision by faith, that God now will uphold your choice. And he will now do

587
00:36:26.020 --> 00:36:30.940
everything in you that needs to be done to change to change posture, change position,

588
00:36:30.940 --> 00:36:39.420
change feeling all of that. I think that the talking about it is like bringing a little bit

589
00:36:39.420 --> 00:36:49.420
more like, okay, so I it's directing my I'm, I'm, it's, it's like, it's like, I told Brian,

590
00:36:49.420 --> 00:36:56.820
I was like, I know that I know that I know it's true. And it almost feels like, if I was to do

591
00:36:56.820 --> 00:37:02.220
otherwise, it would like, like, I don't even want to because I know that what the truth what the

592
00:37:02.220 --> 00:37:11.660
truth is. But like, why do I feel so sad about it? Like, why does it I feel sad, like, I feel

593
00:37:11.660 --> 00:37:19.260
like, I feel like I'm letting go of a part of myself that's like always been like, even though

594
00:37:19.260 --> 00:37:25.940
like, I know that it's true, the point where I almost feel like, at this point, like choosing a

595
00:37:25.940 --> 00:37:34.780
veil would be choosing not what he said. But why do I feel so sad? Letting go? Yeah, yeah,

596
00:37:34.780 --> 00:37:42.140
that's a really, really insightful question. And because you're you've been taught to identify with

597
00:37:42.140 --> 00:37:48.020
it. For when you thought that that's where your safety is, you can be assured that God's not going

598
00:37:48.020 --> 00:37:54.820
to strike you by lightning. Because you have you he told you what you could do to protect yourself

599
00:37:54.820 --> 00:38:00.060
against God. And you're doing the thing. So now you know, you're safe from him. And now God's saying

600
00:38:00.060 --> 00:38:05.460
no, take it off. So there's part of that part of it is that and the part of it is this identity thing

601
00:38:05.460 --> 00:38:12.140
of like, yeah, but this is who I am, and how I relate to the Lord. This is what he required.

602
00:38:12.140 --> 00:38:15.980
Therefore, this was obedience. And then even if you can get past that and be like, Oh, well, you

603
00:38:15.980 --> 00:38:19.660
know, I don't feel like I need any more in order to be obedient. I don't feel like it's asked me to

604
00:38:19.660 --> 00:38:27.980
do that. There's there can still be this aspect of this is how he and I always related. And like

605
00:38:27.980 --> 00:38:31.900
you mentioned, and you mentioned, again, very insightfully, I always enjoy talking to you,

606
00:38:31.900 --> 00:38:34.700
you're always you always think of all these things. I'm like, Oh, my word, you're just so

607
00:38:35.500 --> 00:38:42.300
like spiritually intelligent, spiritually insightful. And, and that is that you can,

608
00:38:43.260 --> 00:38:52.140
that there's an exposure now, of that. Also, there's this there. So there's an exposure

609
00:38:52.140 --> 00:38:55.820
between you and the Lord, and there's a vulnerability. So mentioning all of those

610
00:38:55.820 --> 00:39:00.940
things, just in case any of those resonate, but what I was really thinking about when you were

611
00:39:00.940 --> 00:39:06.860
talking, when you when you said you were sad is, and I'm just going to mention some ideas,

612
00:39:06.860 --> 00:39:11.740
and then you can you can ping them off your spirit and realize which ones if any of them

613
00:39:11.820 --> 00:39:20.780
are accurate to your specific situation. But we can feel sad because we there's a a grief

614
00:39:21.500 --> 00:39:28.700
in the loss of something, the loss of who you used to be, of an aspect of yourself that

615
00:39:29.740 --> 00:39:36.540
carries a lot of a lot of history is in like stories, interactions with people.

616
00:39:37.260 --> 00:39:46.540
And because the way that you grew up, had a lot of wonderful aspects to it, it wasn't all

617
00:39:47.260 --> 00:39:52.060
negative and bad, just because we're learning, oh, we are more grace than we understood,

618
00:39:52.060 --> 00:39:56.460
then you and I understood growing up. And that was a lot of law doesn't mean that everything

619
00:39:56.460 --> 00:39:59.900
that happened was bad. It doesn't mean we had bad childhood.

620
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.800
and that we were just like, or, you know, and we're miserable all the time.

621
00:40:03.800 --> 00:40:08.700
No, there are some sweet and special things associated with that.

622
00:40:08.700 --> 00:40:10.700
There's probably like, and I don't know what they are,

623
00:40:10.700 --> 00:40:14.100
but there's probably really special things about like when you,

624
00:40:14.400 --> 00:40:18.300
when you got a new veil or who gave you particular veils or,

625
00:40:18.300 --> 00:40:20.800
and it makes connections between you and other people.

626
00:40:20.800 --> 00:40:25.400
And it's something that you share with other people actually around the world,

627
00:40:25.900 --> 00:40:28.800
you know, the Amish and the Mennonites that are around the world, you know,

628
00:40:29.100 --> 00:40:32.500
any Mennonites who still, who are still wearing veils, but well, no,

629
00:40:32.500 --> 00:40:37.200
I know that they are because even Plymouth Brethren do under they just do like

630
00:40:37.200 --> 00:40:39.800
in church, I believe. And who else is that?

631
00:40:39.800 --> 00:40:43.600
The Episcopalians? I don't remember. Anyway,

632
00:40:44.300 --> 00:40:46.400
there are a lot of different denominations, you know,

633
00:40:46.400 --> 00:40:50.300
that still cover and it's just something that is, is special.

634
00:40:50.300 --> 00:40:54.200
It's ritualistic and there's something very comforting and rituals.

635
00:40:54.500 --> 00:40:57.900
That's why part of the reason why I like tea is because it's ritualistic.

636
00:40:57.900 --> 00:41:00.100
I do the same thing, you know, every single day.

637
00:41:00.600 --> 00:41:05.500
And and so there can be a lot of how we

638
00:41:05.500 --> 00:41:10.100
identify ourselves that can be wrapped up in

639
00:41:10.200 --> 00:41:15.000
and connected with and maybe even sometimes like

640
00:41:15.200 --> 00:41:20.600
defined by like how we got to know certain aspects of ourselves through

641
00:41:20.600 --> 00:41:22.700
things like the veil or whatever.

642
00:41:22.700 --> 00:41:27.700
And so we can feel like there's an aspect of ourselves that God is asking us

643
00:41:27.700 --> 00:41:32.300
to let go of and what we need to go ahead.

644
00:41:33.000 --> 00:41:36.800
It definitely resonated with me because it was making me like super feel super

645
00:41:36.800 --> 00:41:39.300
emotional. Like I like that.

646
00:41:39.700 --> 00:41:44.300
There's so many like things that you don't like like, okay,

647
00:41:44.300 --> 00:41:44.900
for example,

648
00:41:44.900 --> 00:41:49.500
you're like walking through an airport and you see someone that's like just

649
00:41:49.500 --> 00:41:53.800
look each other way. Like family.

650
00:41:54.800 --> 00:41:55.600
And so it's like,

651
00:41:55.600 --> 00:41:59.500
you just know like you just you just look and you like there can even be

652
00:41:59.500 --> 00:42:04.200
like like sometimes we go to Florida and like there are Amish girls that

653
00:42:04.200 --> 00:42:05.700
no longer dress Amish when they're in Florida.

654
00:42:05.700 --> 00:42:06.500
But you just like know.

655
00:42:09.800 --> 00:42:12.700
Like in this like this community like this cultural thing like you just

656
00:42:12.700 --> 00:42:16.800
know and so it's like I feel like some of that is also like wrapped up

657
00:42:16.800 --> 00:42:21.700
in it at this like belonging like, you know, you belong and you're

658
00:42:21.700 --> 00:42:22.800
like part of that.

659
00:42:23.000 --> 00:42:26.700
And so it's so like even thinking about, you know, like growing up.

660
00:42:26.700 --> 00:42:27.500
My mom was like,

661
00:42:29.500 --> 00:42:31.400
As I got older than I would like, you know,

662
00:42:32.500 --> 00:42:33.100
and things like that.

663
00:42:33.100 --> 00:42:36.500
But yeah, there's just things things involved in it.

664
00:42:36.500 --> 00:42:39.700
But I think like it was also like,

665
00:42:40.400 --> 00:42:45.500
Felicity would start asking more like more like your headband and then

666
00:42:45.500 --> 00:42:49.300
it was like your veil and that was like I want one and like immediately

667
00:42:49.300 --> 00:42:53.800
I knew that like I didn't want to ruin her innocence like she's so

668
00:42:53.800 --> 00:42:54.200
innocent.

669
00:42:54.200 --> 00:42:55.700
Like I don't want to like

670
00:42:56.900 --> 00:42:59.000
at that age like put something,

671
00:42:59.700 --> 00:43:00.100
you know,

672
00:43:01.300 --> 00:43:02.500
and so that was kind of like

673
00:43:03.800 --> 00:43:04.300
Yeah.

674
00:43:11.300 --> 00:43:12.700
Yeah, you bring up a good point.

675
00:43:12.700 --> 00:43:18.000
I hadn't thought about the decisions that you're making for you now affect

676
00:43:18.000 --> 00:43:20.300
how you're going to teach and raise your daughters.

677
00:43:20.300 --> 00:43:22.700
I had I hadn't thought about that because I still think of the girls

678
00:43:22.700 --> 00:43:24.700
with their young and thought about them.

679
00:43:25.100 --> 00:43:25.500
Yeah.

680
00:43:25.900 --> 00:43:27.000
So even that is like

681
00:43:28.700 --> 00:43:33.100
that's kind of like something that like I think made me like question it

682
00:43:33.100 --> 00:43:34.200
more because I was like,

683
00:43:35.400 --> 00:43:36.400
how can I do this?

684
00:43:36.400 --> 00:43:38.800
It was like innocent child like,

685
00:43:40.100 --> 00:43:43.800
you know, put something that like ingrained it in her that like there

686
00:43:43.800 --> 00:43:45.000
has to be something.

687
00:43:46.000 --> 00:43:49.400
And when she goes to the water like I just couldn't like do that.

688
00:43:49.400 --> 00:43:49.900
Yeah.

689
00:43:51.100 --> 00:43:51.600
Yeah.

690
00:43:54.200 --> 00:43:55.200
So I don't know.

691
00:43:55.200 --> 00:43:58.500
I think there's like a lot of a lot of things like yeah.

692
00:43:58.500 --> 00:44:01.800
So what you were describing was definitely like something I resonated

693
00:44:01.800 --> 00:44:02.800
with because it was like,

694
00:44:03.500 --> 00:44:05.700
you know, it wasn't all bad memories.

695
00:44:05.700 --> 00:44:08.700
Like I have so many good memories of growing up in it in a close-up.

696
00:44:08.700 --> 00:44:09.200
Yeah.

697
00:44:09.800 --> 00:44:10.900
Yeah, exactly.

698
00:44:11.900 --> 00:44:14.200
Losing that connection and like,

699
00:44:14.300 --> 00:44:16.600
yeah, like how are my daughters going to grow up?

700
00:44:16.700 --> 00:44:17.800
Are they going to have connection?

701
00:44:17.800 --> 00:44:18.800
Are they going to have community?

702
00:44:20.300 --> 00:44:22.600
So I think there's a lot of that.

703
00:44:23.600 --> 00:44:24.100
Yeah.

704
00:44:27.800 --> 00:44:29.100
I thought I heard a break.

705
00:44:29.100 --> 00:44:30.700
So I was going to say then go ahead.

706
00:44:31.300 --> 00:44:34.200
I just like I told Brian it's not like I hated marrying him.

707
00:44:34.200 --> 00:44:35.600
Like it's not like I hated him.

708
00:44:35.900 --> 00:44:37.700
I just always felt like it was something

709
00:44:39.000 --> 00:44:40.200
between me and the Lord.

710
00:44:40.600 --> 00:44:41.100
Yeah.

711
00:44:42.100 --> 00:44:44.100
No, no, you make a very good point.

712
00:44:44.100 --> 00:44:45.800
So that's the thing.

713
00:44:46.100 --> 00:44:48.200
There's me personally.

714
00:44:48.200 --> 00:44:52.700
I love lace and I like wearing things on my head.

715
00:44:52.900 --> 00:44:57.500
And for me that is not part of my culture meaning like my subculture

716
00:44:57.500 --> 00:44:58.900
just like here in Texas people.

717
00:44:58.900 --> 00:44:59.900
I grew up around, you know,

718
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:00.920
Even that's a culture.

719
00:45:00.920 --> 00:45:04.640
It's just what they called subculture, you know, and there are certain

720
00:45:04.640 --> 00:45:07.440
ways that we all do things, you know, me and my family, my friends.

721
00:45:07.440 --> 00:45:08.320
And because.

722
00:45:08.880 --> 00:45:11.400
It's, I don't know, you just start forming these little things of, well,

723
00:45:11.400 --> 00:45:15.480
in this community or in this group of towns, how we do things, you know,

724
00:45:15.480 --> 00:45:16.760
we've done it this way for a long time.

725
00:45:16.800 --> 00:45:20.720
You know, you just start building little traditions and basically societal

726
00:45:20.720 --> 00:45:23.960
expectations, and that develops what's called subcultures.

727
00:45:23.960 --> 00:45:29.760
And so it, and in mine, you don't wear hats, you don't wear anything on your head.

728
00:45:29.760 --> 00:45:32.280
Now here in Texas, we do wear cowboy hats.

729
00:45:32.720 --> 00:45:38.000
So it's not weird for a man or woman to be out in public, particularly a man.

730
00:45:38.000 --> 00:45:41.040
It's sometimes it's the way it catches people's eye if a woman wears it, but

731
00:45:41.520 --> 00:45:44.800
you know, there's, it's culturally acceptable for men and women to wear

732
00:45:44.800 --> 00:45:48.240
cowboy hats everywhere, everywhere.

733
00:45:48.800 --> 00:45:52.080
Now, you know, if we were in a different culture, that would look weird, but

734
00:45:52.080 --> 00:45:54.120
to all of us, it's just normal, you know?

735
00:45:55.080 --> 00:46:04.720
So, but it's really weird and odd, meaning like it's not the norm to wear anything

736
00:46:04.720 --> 00:46:07.680
else, but I always thought it would be fun.

737
00:46:08.440 --> 00:46:09.840
And so I really like it.

738
00:46:10.160 --> 00:46:17.000
And when I went to, and so for me, the thing is that when I was up in

739
00:46:17.000 --> 00:46:22.280
Pennsylvania, I went to a church that the women covered and I knew that going to

740
00:46:22.280 --> 00:46:27.720
the church and the ladies, well, it was, it was that Carrie's father-in-law's

741
00:46:27.720 --> 00:46:29.320
church, excuse me.

742
00:46:29.640 --> 00:46:34.840
And I, and so they told me, they said, oh, well, by the way, you don't have to

743
00:46:34.840 --> 00:46:38.520
cover because they don't expect the guests to cover anything.

744
00:46:39.200 --> 00:46:42.840
And I said, oh yeah, I said, but you know, I want to honor the fact

745
00:46:42.840 --> 00:46:44.560
that that's what they believe.

746
00:46:44.600 --> 00:46:47.640
And I was like, doesn't matter to me one way or another, whether I'm wearing

747
00:46:47.640 --> 00:46:50.280
something, because I'm not giving any meaning to it.

748
00:46:50.880 --> 00:46:55.240
I'm not giving any authority to it, but it is, it means something

749
00:46:55.240 --> 00:46:56.560
to them, so I'm going to cover.

750
00:46:56.600 --> 00:46:59.600
I've done that in Turkey now, but why?

751
00:46:59.600 --> 00:47:03.800
Because you don't want to attract attention in highly Muslim places.

752
00:47:04.080 --> 00:47:09.240
And so women cover their heads in certain in, in, in like far Eastern Turkey.

753
00:47:09.240 --> 00:47:10.560
And so I've had to do that.

754
00:47:10.600 --> 00:47:16.560
And that's, that's an Islamic sign and covering, but see, it

755
00:47:16.560 --> 00:47:19.040
doesn't mean anything to me.

756
00:47:19.080 --> 00:47:22.360
I'm not giving it any authority, any meaning, any power.

757
00:47:22.880 --> 00:47:26.120
It's just that here in this culture, this is what they do.

758
00:47:27.080 --> 00:47:29.720
And so anyway, so I just didn't think it was any big deal.

759
00:47:29.720 --> 00:47:33.640
So I just threw a little lace scarf over my head and called it, called it good.

760
00:47:33.640 --> 00:47:36.040
It was like, it's appropriate, you know, and they all thought it was

761
00:47:36.040 --> 00:47:37.160
appropriate, you know, and all of that.

762
00:47:37.520 --> 00:47:43.400
And so my thing is that there's, we, we have to realize, and you would just

763
00:47:43.400 --> 00:47:44.880
have to discover this with the Lord.

764
00:47:44.880 --> 00:47:48.880
I'm just giving you ideas to like start conversation, the conversation with them.

765
00:47:49.160 --> 00:47:52.280
Cause, cause this is just kind of like how I see it, but it may not be

766
00:47:52.280 --> 00:47:53.560
how the Lord wants you to handle it.

767
00:47:54.160 --> 00:48:06.040
Me, I'm just kind of, it seems to me like, it's just that it's that if that you, you

768
00:48:06.040 --> 00:48:11.080
can do it or that we could do it or not do it, it doesn't matter.

769
00:48:11.720 --> 00:48:17.080
So you can, because we don't attribute meaning to it and somebody else might

770
00:48:17.440 --> 00:48:23.040
reminds me of, um, of, uh, people who eat meat offered to idols versus

771
00:48:23.040 --> 00:48:24.600
people who found it wrong.

772
00:48:24.760 --> 00:48:25.200
Right.

773
00:48:25.640 --> 00:48:29.640
And so they said, Hey, well then don't eat meat offered to idols

774
00:48:29.680 --> 00:48:32.560
around people who can't handle it.

775
00:48:33.400 --> 00:48:38.920
So why, and they're, and they're like, you know, don't use your freedom to

776
00:48:38.920 --> 00:48:42.760
cause somebody else, you know, to sin because they have that funded an issue.

777
00:48:43.200 --> 00:48:47.120
So, because that's how I saw the whole veil thing.

778
00:48:47.120 --> 00:48:51.440
When I went to a particular, went to that church, I'm like, well, it matters to them

779
00:48:51.440 --> 00:48:55.760
and to them, they see it's a, it's a sin if I don't, and it was really going to

780
00:48:55.760 --> 00:48:58.800
bother them and it's going to draw attention and it's going to do all this.

781
00:48:58.840 --> 00:49:00.040
I'm like, well, that's just stupid.

782
00:49:00.120 --> 00:49:01.240
I just put something in my head.

783
00:49:01.280 --> 00:49:02.920
It doesn't matter, you know?

784
00:49:03.280 --> 00:49:06.560
Um, cause it's not like I'm doing some kind of like a sinful act

785
00:49:06.560 --> 00:49:08.160
in order to not offend someone.

786
00:49:08.160 --> 00:49:11.680
I'm doing something that doesn't have any power at all.

787
00:49:12.880 --> 00:49:13.360
You know?

788
00:49:13.720 --> 00:49:15.480
And, and then, so I just worked.

789
00:49:15.480 --> 00:49:20.720
So my point is that part of what it is that y'all are dealing with, yeah, it

790
00:49:20.720 --> 00:49:26.160
does have a religious affiliation and quite honestly, it can have a religious

791
00:49:26.160 --> 00:49:29.160
stronghold, but what you can ask the Lord.

792
00:49:29.840 --> 00:49:34.240
I said, can I try to, I tried to like soft pedal that it has a religious

793
00:49:34.240 --> 00:49:35.880
stronghold, but here's the thing.

794
00:49:36.360 --> 00:49:43.680
Ask the Lord if he would see it as he does, you wouldn't allow you to you

795
00:49:43.680 --> 00:49:45.200
or your daughters to wear it.

796
00:49:45.680 --> 00:49:50.760
Or if he's just like, no, I just don't want it to have any power over you.

797
00:49:50.760 --> 00:49:54.480
And I want you to release any power and authority that it, that, you know,

798
00:49:54.480 --> 00:49:59.520
it's had over you so that you no longer need it because he doesn't want you.

799
00:49:59.520 --> 00:50:00.000
I do know.

800
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:09.120
this. He doesn't want you to feel naked without it. He doesn't want it to have that kind of a power

801
00:50:10.000 --> 00:50:16.000
over you because that is putting something between you and God. You're concerned about

802
00:50:16.000 --> 00:50:20.640
the veil being between you and God and you're like, I don't want this. And instead, it's what

803
00:50:20.640 --> 00:50:25.200
you've attributed to the veil, which is like a sense of nakedness if you don't have it between

804
00:50:25.200 --> 00:50:32.400
you and the Lord. So it's like you yourself are saying that something feels wrong unless there's

805
00:50:32.400 --> 00:50:38.000
something between you and the Lord. That is something that God wants to break off of between

806
00:50:38.000 --> 00:50:42.480
you and me. So my point is you can ask the Lord once you go through all of that and once you

807
00:50:42.480 --> 00:50:46.640
release all of that power and that stronghold and you just choose, like I walked you through

808
00:50:46.640 --> 00:50:52.160
before, you choose by faith whatever God says it reveals to you is true. And then you choose

809
00:50:52.160 --> 00:50:56.880
that he that, okay, if he says it's done, it's done. I need to stop worrying about it. I need

810
00:50:56.880 --> 00:51:00.960
to stop trying to convince myself. I've already made the decision and I didn't make the decision

811
00:51:00.960 --> 00:51:06.000
because I wanted it. I made the decision because that's what the direction that I got from him.

812
00:51:06.000 --> 00:51:11.920
That's my relationship. And I choose him over my comfort. I choose him over what it is that I

813
00:51:11.920 --> 00:51:17.680
wanted to do or that I'm afraid of not doing or whatever. I choose him over my fear. I choose him

814
00:51:17.680 --> 00:51:22.160
over the, over my past. I choose him over my future, all of those things, you know, and breaking

815
00:51:22.160 --> 00:51:27.040
off like any sense of like, um, I will know that that's a different, a different thing. Maybe I'll

816
00:51:27.040 --> 00:51:33.520
remember, maybe I'll remember talking about grief in just a second, but anyway, um, so you do all

817
00:51:33.520 --> 00:51:39.120
of that. And then when there's no power anymore, that it, that it didn't hold any power, any

818
00:51:39.120 --> 00:51:46.480
meaning, any authority or whatever, when you strip all that away, it's something that is cultural.

819
00:51:48.160 --> 00:51:53.840
And then sharing your community. Yes. It has a religious affiliation and, and, and whatever,

820
00:51:53.840 --> 00:52:00.320
but the problem is the stronghold, not the fact that it's late and not the fact that there's

821
00:52:00.320 --> 00:52:05.040
something on your head. You know what I'm saying? Now I can see that there are certain people that

822
00:52:05.040 --> 00:52:10.800
God would say, Hey, no, there, I don't want you to wear it at all. I understand that this is going

823
00:52:10.800 --> 00:52:15.040
to cause problems whenever you're with your family, but it is a religious stronghold and

824
00:52:15.040 --> 00:52:19.360
there's stuff attached to it. Does that I can see, you know, he handles everybody differently,

825
00:52:19.920 --> 00:52:23.680
but there are so many things that he said that he's just like,

826
00:52:24.800 --> 00:52:29.360
why does it matter if you do that or not do that? Just because some people attribute meaning to it.

827
00:52:29.360 --> 00:52:33.200
If you don't attribute meaning to it, if you and I in our relationship don't attribute meaning to it,

828
00:52:33.200 --> 00:52:36.400
I don't care if you do it or not, because it doesn't have any meaning,

829
00:52:36.400 --> 00:52:39.520
but that's something that you're just going to have to know between you and the Lord, because

830
00:52:39.520 --> 00:52:44.560
the Lord might just have y'all, you know, I don't know, it might be very different to have a Lord

831
00:52:44.560 --> 00:52:49.280
has you handle the situation versus someone else, but I'm saying it's a possibility that

832
00:52:49.280 --> 00:52:54.480
you could take beforehand of like, Lord, you know, you know, once that stronghold isn't there

833
00:52:54.480 --> 00:53:01.520
between you and me more, and it no longer has that, that any kind of like a power or, or, or,

834
00:53:01.520 --> 00:53:10.800
and if it doesn't affect things anymore, Lord, you know, then. Is it okay if I wear it? Because it

835
00:53:10.800 --> 00:53:15.280
doesn't matter. And then you would wear it, you know, we're like, Hey, going to be with my

836
00:53:15.280 --> 00:53:22.080
grandmother. And we're going to go to church with everybody else who's wearing one, or I'm going to

837
00:53:22.080 --> 00:53:27.520
do whatever. And it's like, well, culturally, and as a community, this is what we do when we're

838
00:53:27.520 --> 00:53:33.280
together. It's kind of like you're sharing, you've got community foods that you eat, and you've got

839
00:53:33.280 --> 00:53:38.960
certain types of ways that y'all do your weddings. Right. And it's just like, this is what we do is

840
00:53:38.960 --> 00:53:43.840
what all people do around the world. You develop cultures, you develop traditions, you develop

841
00:53:43.840 --> 00:53:50.160
particular ways of doing things. So you can take it on as like you and your girls. If the Lord says

842
00:53:50.160 --> 00:53:53.920
that this is what he wants you to do and how you want you to handle it. And you said that it's not

843
00:53:53.920 --> 00:53:58.480
a problem for you. As long as there's not that stronghold and that power anymore, you just like,

844
00:53:58.480 --> 00:54:03.440
whatever, then the girls can wear it, you know, you know, just for fun, you know, for fun being

845
00:54:03.440 --> 00:54:07.040
like, Oh, we're going to go with the community together and we're going to do something. So,

846
00:54:07.040 --> 00:54:11.920
Oh, you know, do you want to wear yours? You know, Oh, be fun or, you know, Oh, well, all of

847
00:54:11.920 --> 00:54:16.480
the girls are wearing them or I don't know, just whatever, but they don't, they don't, it doesn't

848
00:54:16.480 --> 00:54:24.000
mean anything between them and God. So, now that's, that's a lot for a little child to, you know, to,

849
00:54:24.000 --> 00:54:30.880
to understand. But my point is that it, I just wanted to present to you something that you could

850
00:54:30.880 --> 00:54:35.920
ask God about, because it doesn't necessarily have to be an all or nothing. Here's my point.

851
00:54:35.920 --> 00:54:43.120
We have to be careful that we're, that we are quote unquote villainizing the right thing.

852
00:54:44.400 --> 00:54:51.200
Is the piece of lace and wearing it really a problem? Or is it the fact that we feel that

853
00:54:51.200 --> 00:54:56.240
we need to, because we feel that there's something required to be between us and God.

854
00:54:56.240 --> 00:54:59.920
And we feel like there's something wrong if we're not doing it.

855
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.360
that's a problem. So that being so, what does God want to do with the other

856
00:55:05.360 --> 00:55:08.600
thing? Does he say, hey look, between you and me, I don't want you wearing that

857
00:55:08.600 --> 00:55:12.400
anymore, and I don't want your daughters. Or does he say for you, just like, yeah,

858
00:55:12.400 --> 00:55:16.480
see, it doesn't matter. You know, I don't care. Because the whole point of us

859
00:55:16.480 --> 00:55:21.300
living our life is about us and the Lord anyway. You know, hey Lord, you and me, what

860
00:55:21.300 --> 00:55:25.640
are we doing? How are we living this life? You know, and so is that making some

861
00:55:25.640 --> 00:55:30.880
sense? Yes, that does make sense. Which leads me to another question that I've

862
00:55:30.880 --> 00:55:36.480
actually asked, and like, I don't think people can answer. And that is, what is

863
00:55:36.480 --> 00:55:42.760
the difference between people-pleasing and peacekeeping? Because often,

864
00:55:42.760 --> 00:55:48.240
whenever there's like, something that like, you know, oh like for example, heck

865
00:55:48.240 --> 00:55:53.080
no, oh like, well you should wear it to like, keep peace between you and your brother, but at

866
00:55:53.080 --> 00:55:56.680
the same time, I feel like there's also a people-pleasing element to it. Like, it's

867
00:55:56.680 --> 00:56:03.040
it's more like, I would maybe feel almost like guilt around certain people,

868
00:56:03.040 --> 00:56:07.000
because I know that it's like a really, really big deal to them. So how do you

869
00:56:07.000 --> 00:56:11.760
know if, like what you're, like how do you, what's the line between like

870
00:56:11.760 --> 00:56:16.720
people-pleasing, because I know that like, I've read verses about, you know, what's

871
00:56:16.720 --> 00:56:20.720
not people-pleased, whatever you do, you know, to the Lord, but like, but also there's the

872
00:56:20.720 --> 00:56:25.120
peacekeeping aspect. So what's the difference between like, not offending

873
00:56:25.120 --> 00:56:28.360
your brother, and keeping a peaceful atmosphere, or what's, or what's the

874
00:56:28.360 --> 00:56:37.360
difference between people-pleasing, and like, focusing on family. Interesting, so think of it more from the

875
00:56:37.360 --> 00:56:42.600
perspective of how we're supposed to always operate with other people from

876
00:56:42.600 --> 00:56:48.400
our spirit, not our soul. So from your spirit, then you're not trying to

877
00:56:48.400 --> 00:56:52.320
people-pleased, you are actually trying to do what it was talking about in the

878
00:56:52.320 --> 00:56:56.280
Bible, like say for instance, with the meat offered to idols, is you are caring

879
00:56:56.320 --> 00:56:57.720
for someone.

880
00:57:08.200 --> 00:57:10.800
It's always the question, isn't it, when the kids come in, it's like, where's your father?

881
00:57:13.040 --> 00:57:13.560
So cute.

882
00:57:13.880 --> 00:57:15.040
Hey, sweetie.

883
00:57:15.080 --> 00:57:16.240
Hi.

884
00:57:16.240 --> 00:57:31.000
Good to see you. You're so big. You're growing up.

885
00:57:32.320 --> 00:57:33.800
Oh, she's growing taller than you.

886
00:57:35.080 --> 00:57:36.760
Already? Wow.

887
00:57:37.000 --> 00:57:40.160
You must be eating your green beans. Thanks, sweetie.

888
00:57:43.560 --> 00:57:44.240
Ashley.

889
00:57:46.280 --> 00:57:52.400
Did you make applesauce today? Did you help, or at least eat some? Did you eat some applesauce?

890
00:57:53.800 --> 00:57:54.400
Was that good?

891
00:57:54.720 --> 00:57:55.240
Hot!

892
00:57:56.520 --> 00:58:03.280
Was it hot? Oh, because it was off the stove. Yeah, that would be hot. It'll be cold later. I like cold

893
00:58:03.280 --> 00:58:03.880
applesauce.

894
00:58:06.400 --> 00:58:08.320
You weren't here yet.

895
00:58:11.440 --> 00:58:12.040
Outside.

896
00:58:12.320 --> 00:58:12.600
Okay.

897
00:58:16.240 --> 00:58:21.680
Can you go find daddy?

898
00:58:36.720 --> 00:58:39.400
I asked her if she can go get daddy, and she's like, no, thanks.

899
00:58:40.080 --> 00:58:41.760
No, thank you.

900
00:58:42.320 --> 00:58:43.520
I need the light, sweetie.

901
00:58:44.840 --> 00:58:45.720
I need the light.

902
00:58:47.240 --> 00:58:49.960
Yeah, let me call my brother.

903
00:58:56.400 --> 00:58:57.160
Felicity.

904
00:59:00.400 --> 00:59:01.280
I need the light.

905
00:59:07.880 --> 00:59:13.000
Oh, wait, hang on. Hang on, let me go. I think he's like, outside. Let me go give her the bread. I'll be back.

906
00:59:17.160 --> 00:59:17.600
Sorry.

907
00:59:41.960 --> 00:59:44.160
He was probably thinking, it's been an hour.

908
00:59:44.160 --> 00:59:46.480
I'm sorry.

909
00:59:48.960 --> 00:59:49.520
I'm that long.

910
00:59:51.120 --> 00:59:59.880
So anyway, as far as like people pleasing and PTV. Okay, so the people pleasing thing is, can happen when we're when we're, you

911
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.480
down in our soul or whatever. And we're just like, okay, let's just, let's just make everybody like,

912
01:00:04.480 --> 01:00:09.280
stop. Uh, let, let's just not rock the boat. Right. Let's do whatever it is that we have to

913
01:00:09.280 --> 01:00:15.360
do. But what God wants us to do is to operate with people that, that comes from the, that type of

914
01:00:16.160 --> 01:00:24.080
action comes from this feeling that we are threatened by or intimidated by what's going on,

915
01:00:24.080 --> 01:00:27.280
that something could happen. Right. And instead God, God wants us to remember, no,

916
01:00:28.240 --> 01:00:32.160
you're not threatened by something that people can do or how people could interact with you.

917
01:00:32.160 --> 01:00:35.600
But in order to not feel threatened, you have to shift up into your spirit and remember,

918
01:00:35.600 --> 01:00:41.200
oh, that's right. It's who I am. You know, I can't be affected by being like threatened by,

919
01:00:41.200 --> 01:00:49.280
or, uh, uh, or, or changed by other people's decisions. And then from that perspective,

920
01:00:49.280 --> 01:00:55.120
you can give them life. And then you can make decisions in those perspective,

921
01:00:55.840 --> 01:01:03.840
from those positions, from a very empowered position, because you already have everything,

922
01:01:03.840 --> 01:01:09.600
you don't need anything, but they need something, you know, they're struggling,

923
01:01:09.600 --> 01:01:15.600
which is why they lash out at you or why they, um, or why they are offended by something that

924
01:01:15.600 --> 01:01:19.040
you do or don't do. It's because they're quote unquote, a weaker brother, right.

925
01:01:19.040 --> 01:01:23.200
There's somebody who can't, who feels that they're not supposed to eat meat or whatever. Right.

926
01:01:23.200 --> 01:01:27.680
And so says that, that the people who felt like they can eat meat, they said that he,

927
01:01:27.680 --> 01:01:32.720
the Paul says, you have more freedom because she said, you understand that you have that

928
01:01:32.720 --> 01:01:39.680
freedom in Christ where what you eat does not defile you. He said, but those other brothers

929
01:01:39.680 --> 01:01:44.240
who believe differently, you don't believe that they have that same freedom. Well, then he said,

930
01:01:44.240 --> 01:01:48.240
they're based. He didn't use this word, but he basically was saying, you know, they're not

931
01:01:48.320 --> 01:01:53.600
operate. Well, he did say this. They're not operating in this much freedom. They don't

932
01:01:55.920 --> 01:02:02.400
understand the degree of their freedom in Christ. And so he basically was saying,

933
01:02:02.400 --> 01:02:11.120
make allowances for that. He said, because if they step into the freedom that you are experiencing,

934
01:02:11.120 --> 01:02:16.320
and they, because they don't see it as freedom for them to step into it as sin, because they

935
01:02:16.320 --> 01:02:23.040
believe that God does telling them not to. So if they do something, they think God is saying no to

936
01:02:23.040 --> 01:02:29.760
it is sin for them. So he said, so making allowances for that, he said, he said, the more,

937
01:02:29.760 --> 01:02:34.400
the more, the less weaker, in other words, the stronger Christians need to make allowances for

938
01:02:34.400 --> 01:02:39.840
the weaker. You can only do that though, from a powerful position of an empowered position,

939
01:02:39.840 --> 01:02:46.560
realizing, okay, I have this freedom in Christ. I don't need it. He's providing for me. Therefore

940
01:02:46.560 --> 01:02:51.360
I can be the strength for my younger brother, for my weaker brother or whatever, like, okay,

941
01:02:51.360 --> 01:02:56.080
this is what they need. This is whatever. That's a very different approach. In other words,

942
01:02:56.080 --> 01:03:03.520
a very different source from which you are making a choice than people pleasing of like,

943
01:03:03.520 --> 01:03:07.200
oh my goodness, I'm just trying to not rock the boat because I don't want to deal with the

944
01:03:07.200 --> 01:03:14.000
aftermath. That is feeling threatened. That's very different from, no, I'm giving life because I don't

945
01:03:14.000 --> 01:03:20.320
feel threatened. Cause I feel like at this point, I would still wear it to give me that feeling of

946
01:03:20.320 --> 01:03:26.880
safety of like, okay, I'm not like offending anyone. It makes me feel secure. Like, yeah,

947
01:03:27.760 --> 01:03:33.920
it's still not like, um, oh, like I, I, I understand what you're saying. Like the different positions

948
01:03:33.920 --> 01:03:38.320
of like, like having this authority of like, it doesn't mean anything to me. It's like,

949
01:03:38.960 --> 01:03:43.920
I'm wearing it for them for the weaker, but for me, just the thought of putting it on and going

950
01:03:43.920 --> 01:03:50.560
out in public and said, oh, safe. Like it's like my little blanket of like, I'm not getting

951
01:03:50.560 --> 01:04:00.080
reason for offense or attack. Yeah. So yeah. Okay. I, I, I understand that that makes sense to me.

952
01:04:00.080 --> 01:04:07.200
The difference between yes. Okay. That makes sense to me. Um, also you can do this in stages

953
01:04:07.200 --> 01:04:14.320
between you and the Lord. For instance, do you feel naked if you were to go to a, if you were

954
01:04:14.320 --> 01:04:22.960
to go out in public with, I don't know, me or someone else? I don't know. I'm trying to think

955
01:04:22.960 --> 01:04:28.880
of like some type of situation to kind of like trigger your imagination. But if you were to,

956
01:04:28.880 --> 01:04:34.400
would you feel naked if you were to go out where they didn't wear head coverings,

957
01:04:35.360 --> 01:04:40.240
would you feel like something was missing? I don't want you to be there with the issue

958
01:04:40.240 --> 01:04:45.040
between you and the Lord. I was actually talking, talking about this before. So like,

959
01:04:45.040 --> 01:04:51.520
if I'm like traveling, I don't think about it as much. Like, like, I don't, I don't think that

960
01:04:51.520 --> 01:04:56.560
like I've told him before, like, I feel like if I was in this community, like I would just not,

961
01:04:56.560 --> 01:05:00.160
but like, for example, going to like the local.

962
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:05.760
whole food store for the like, but not wearing it. I kind of

963
01:05:05.760 --> 01:05:10.920
hoped I didn't run into anyone that I didn't, that I knew. And

964
01:05:10.920 --> 01:05:15.120
it was like, still, like, it was still like, okay, I, when I like

965
01:05:15.120 --> 01:05:19.240
pictured what Jesus was telling me, then it gave me a sense of

966
01:05:19.240 --> 01:05:24.160
like, peace in it. But it was still like, Oh, like, what are

967
01:05:24.160 --> 01:05:28.640
they going to say? Or what are they going to tell other people

968
01:05:28.920 --> 01:05:32.520
when they see it? And then it was like, if I continue to go

969
01:05:32.520 --> 01:05:35.600
back to that image of like, what Jesus told me, then it then it

970
01:05:35.600 --> 01:05:39.760
gave me a sense of safety. But I still felt very exposed. Like,

971
01:05:40.800 --> 01:05:45.920
like very naked. And like, yeah, my my auntie no longer cover

972
01:05:45.920 --> 01:05:48.680
says that for the like, the longest time she just felt

973
01:05:48.720 --> 01:05:54.680
naked. Like, whenever she went out, she just felt naked. So I

974
01:05:54.680 --> 01:06:00.280
don't know, does that answer your question? I, yeah. So, um,

975
01:06:00.320 --> 01:06:04.360
you can, you know, like I mentioned, you can, well, so

976
01:06:04.360 --> 01:06:06.800
many things that I keep thinking about, I'm like, I'm hoping you

977
01:06:06.800 --> 01:06:11.280
can remember them all. And first of all, make sure and I don't

978
01:06:11.280 --> 01:06:14.360
think that this is what's going on. I'm just mentioning this

979
01:06:14.400 --> 01:06:17.640
because it can also affect to what degree you choose to

980
01:06:17.640 --> 01:06:24.000
tackle this. And it's best if we don't choose battles, the Lord

981
01:06:24.000 --> 01:06:28.440
isn't giving us. So if you're just like, I want to do something

982
01:06:28.440 --> 01:06:31.800
in me, I need to fix. You know, the Lord gives us plenty of

983
01:06:31.800 --> 01:06:35.040
things we need to focus on without picking our own, you

984
01:06:35.040 --> 01:06:38.880
know. Now, I don't think that this is it, I could be wrong.

985
01:06:38.880 --> 01:06:42.760
But I don't think this is it because he gave you that. And he

986
01:06:42.760 --> 01:06:46.360
gave you that encounter with him, where he addressed. Now,

987
01:06:46.760 --> 01:06:49.480
one of the reasons why why he may have addressed it is it might

988
01:06:49.480 --> 01:06:53.280
be just a place in which you're currently being like tormented

989
01:06:53.280 --> 01:06:56.760
in question and doubt and whatever. And so maybe that's

990
01:06:56.760 --> 01:07:00.200
why he addressed it. But here's my point. Oh, make sure that

991
01:07:00.200 --> 01:07:02.440
it's the Lord that's bringing this up. Like, do you feel like

992
01:07:02.440 --> 01:07:05.760
no, I think he seems to be bringing this up and prompting

993
01:07:05.760 --> 01:07:09.840
it right now. And then to what degree is he prompting it? Like

994
01:07:09.840 --> 01:07:14.240
how much is he saying it needs to be addressed. So he may not

995
01:07:14.240 --> 01:07:18.320
be saying you have to attack the whole elephant. But he wants to

996
01:07:18.320 --> 01:07:23.200
introduce the topic, he wants to start breaking you out of that

997
01:07:23.200 --> 01:07:28.720
bondage, because that fear of how your choices in your life

998
01:07:28.720 --> 01:07:31.520
and a little thing that you do, because it quite honestly, it is

999
01:07:31.520 --> 01:07:33.960
a little thing of whether you put something on your head or

1000
01:07:33.960 --> 01:07:36.000
don't. In other words, it's this little action, it's very

1001
01:07:36.000 --> 01:07:38.400
meaningful, it's very powerful. But if you think about all the

1002
01:07:38.400 --> 01:07:40.960
things you do in a day, it's a very little thing that has a

1003
01:07:40.960 --> 01:07:46.480
huge impact. So very little thing that would then and you're

1004
01:07:46.480 --> 01:07:52.360
afraid of how it's going of how other people are going to react.

1005
01:07:52.720 --> 01:07:57.640
And then cause problems for you. It's giving a lot of power in

1006
01:07:57.640 --> 01:08:00.960
your life to other people and their decisions and how they

1007
01:08:00.960 --> 01:08:03.680
live their life and how they choose to then respond to you,

1008
01:08:04.040 --> 01:08:07.480
that it would affect you in that way. Like because we get to have

1009
01:08:07.480 --> 01:08:10.880
the authority of how much we allow it to affect us. So

1010
01:08:10.880 --> 01:08:15.760
anyway, I say that to say that is bondage. The Lord's like, Hey,

1011
01:08:15.760 --> 01:08:20.600
look, I want you to own you. I have given you to you first

1012
01:08:20.840 --> 01:08:23.960
before I have given you to anyone else. You know, and I'm

1013
01:08:23.960 --> 01:08:26.840
entrusting you with you before I'm entrusting you with Brian.

1014
01:08:26.840 --> 01:08:29.439
And before I'm entrusting you with kids, I've been I've

1015
01:08:29.439 --> 01:08:34.160
entrusted you with you first, you were the first line of

1016
01:08:34.279 --> 01:08:38.800
dominion in your kingdom. The very first thing that you're

1017
01:08:38.800 --> 01:08:41.399
responsible for, and the thing you were most responsible for

1018
01:08:41.880 --> 01:08:45.000
is your soul and your and your body. And currently they're

1019
01:08:45.000 --> 01:08:49.000
under bondage, right? And he's like, I don't like the fact that

1020
01:08:49.000 --> 01:08:51.399
other people and how they're living their life, or how I'm

1021
01:08:51.399 --> 01:08:55.960
telling you how to live their life is affecting you. And how

1022
01:08:55.960 --> 01:08:59.960
it's influencing you to such a degree where you feel like you

1023
01:09:00.000 --> 01:09:04.520
you are making decisions based off of how other people might

1024
01:09:04.520 --> 01:09:09.600
respond. And so anyway, so my point is, that is something that

1025
01:09:09.600 --> 01:09:14.359
God is not wanting to, it's not not making or he's not wanting

1026
01:09:14.359 --> 01:09:17.840
to make your life harder by having you not do something

1027
01:09:17.840 --> 01:09:20.800
you're so used to doing. Instead, he's like, No, you

1028
01:09:20.800 --> 01:09:25.279
actually are in more bondage now. And I'm like to, I've been

1029
01:09:25.279 --> 01:09:28.720
inviting you into more freedom, you've never experienced not

1030
01:09:28.720 --> 01:09:33.000
doing it. So you don't know how oppressed it feels, until you

1031
01:09:33.000 --> 01:09:36.279
don't have it anymore. And since you don't, since you haven't

1032
01:09:36.279 --> 01:09:39.920
experienced not having it meaning like, like fully, I

1033
01:09:39.920 --> 01:09:42.600
mean, you've done it before. But what I mean is like a living

1034
01:09:42.600 --> 01:09:46.279
life. It's like you don't realize how much more you can

1035
01:09:46.279 --> 01:09:49.600
breathe, then you've gotten used to, you know what I'm

1036
01:09:49.600 --> 01:09:53.279
saying? So anyway, so my thing is, it's always an invitation

1037
01:09:53.279 --> 01:09:56.080
into goodness. But there's something that we always have to

1038
01:09:56.080 --> 01:09:58.360
let go of, which, you know, brings us back to the whole

1039
01:09:58.360 --> 01:10:00.000
grief thing of like grieving.

1040
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.200
the letting go of something or whatever.

1041
01:10:02.200 --> 01:10:06.400
But, um, so anyway, you know, you'd realize, well, at least it's always a positive

1042
01:10:06.400 --> 01:10:10.600
thing that God is wanting us to do, but then ask the Lord, okay, Lord, you know,

1043
01:10:10.600 --> 01:10:15.800
can you just walk me through this to what areas do I need to start practicing this

1044
01:10:15.800 --> 01:10:21.000
in and what areas do you want me to, uh, how can you like walk me through releasing

1045
01:10:21.000 --> 01:10:25.560
the bondage of it without, you know, and, but maybe you still want me to wear it

1046
01:10:25.560 --> 01:10:31.680
sometimes, but not because I need to, but just simply because, well, you know,

1047
01:10:31.680 --> 01:10:34.440
it's just, it's something that our community does and it's something that

1048
01:10:34.440 --> 01:10:38.120
makes us all feel like we belong together and, you know, and, and whatever,

1049
01:10:38.120 --> 01:10:39.400
it's just, I don't know.

1050
01:10:40.040 --> 01:10:45.840
And, um, it allows us to share aspects of ourselves with each other by doing

1051
01:10:45.840 --> 01:10:48.960
similar things at the same time and in the same place.

1052
01:10:49.960 --> 01:10:56.240
Um, and so, but here's that, like I keep saying, he may not want you to attack all

1053
01:10:56.240 --> 01:11:02.520
of it, just, just like, just be aware of it and then allow the Lord to just kind

1054
01:11:02.520 --> 01:11:07.600
of bring up when it needs to be addressed instead of always thinking, okay, I have

1055
01:11:07.600 --> 01:11:10.640
my head covering on now because we're about to go family event.

1056
01:11:10.920 --> 01:11:12.280
I wonder if this is right.

1057
01:11:13.120 --> 01:11:17.920
And always making a battle of every moment and everything or whatever,

1058
01:11:18.280 --> 01:11:22.400
just present what I recommend, present this before the Lord, because what you're

1059
01:11:22.400 --> 01:11:24.040
talking about is a very big deal.

1060
01:11:24.440 --> 01:11:29.360
This head covering, because it's, it can affect, it can affect family

1061
01:11:29.360 --> 01:11:32.280
relationships, it can affect family dynamics, you know, hopefully in your

1062
01:11:32.280 --> 01:11:34.640
case, it wouldn't, especially if you already have an aunt who's done this.

1063
01:11:34.880 --> 01:11:37.920
But my point is there's a reason why that fear is there, right?

1064
01:11:38.160 --> 01:11:41.560
Is because you've either experienced it in other areas of your life where you've

1065
01:11:41.600 --> 01:11:45.080
quote unquote, bucked the system, or you've seen other people do it.

1066
01:11:45.360 --> 01:11:49.320
You've seen how your parents, even like people that would respond to you, how

1067
01:11:49.320 --> 01:11:52.200
they've responded when other people have done it, like when they've talked about

1068
01:11:52.200 --> 01:11:55.760
it, like, even though they may have been nice to their face, you heard at home,

1069
01:11:55.760 --> 01:11:58.760
what they said about those people, you know, you're like, oh my word, what

1070
01:11:58.760 --> 01:11:59.800
would they say about me?

1071
01:11:59.800 --> 01:12:00.080
Right.

1072
01:12:00.440 --> 01:12:02.600
We have reasons why we're afraid.

1073
01:12:02.840 --> 01:12:04.520
We have experiences.

1074
01:12:05.080 --> 01:12:05.480
Right.

1075
01:12:05.760 --> 01:12:11.640
And, um, anyways, you just ask the Lord, okay, Lord, just make me, make me aware.

1076
01:12:12.000 --> 01:12:14.480
Make me, uh, bring to my awareness, Lord.

1077
01:12:15.320 --> 01:12:19.400
When you want me to do something, when you're highlighting something, because

1078
01:12:19.400 --> 01:12:23.200
Lord, my posture towards you and here's, so here's basically what I recommend.

1079
01:12:23.560 --> 01:12:29.600
You just posture yourself before the Lord in a willingness to be changed and a

1080
01:12:29.600 --> 01:12:34.840
willingness to be changed by the Lord so that you'll finally let go.

1081
01:12:35.840 --> 01:12:38.560
And that does mean that you'll have to eventually get to the point where

1082
01:12:38.560 --> 01:12:40.520
you'll have to risk the letting go.

1083
01:12:40.520 --> 01:12:42.360
It's not like, oh, God just changes everything.

1084
01:12:42.360 --> 01:12:44.680
And then suddenly like, oh, there's no pain at all.

1085
01:12:44.680 --> 01:12:49.440
And like letting go, like, no, there's a risk to it, you know, but at least

1086
01:12:49.480 --> 01:12:53.880
you'll, God will work on you and, and mold you enough to get you to the point

1087
01:12:53.880 --> 01:12:56.560
where you're like, okay, I can finally let go.

1088
01:12:56.600 --> 01:13:00.960
I wanted to, I wished that I could let go before now, but I just haven't been able

1089
01:13:00.960 --> 01:13:03.400
to, but I was willing to be willing.

1090
01:13:04.280 --> 01:13:08.640
And eventually God will bring you to the point where you're willing to, you're

1091
01:13:08.640 --> 01:13:11.960
not willing to be willing to, you're finally willing to.

1092
01:13:12.240 --> 01:13:13.640
And then you finally let go.

1093
01:13:13.800 --> 01:13:19.520
So, so allow the Lord to do this, changing you instead of you chasing it with so

1094
01:13:19.520 --> 01:13:24.880
much strife and soulish torment of like, I hope God's okay with me.

1095
01:13:24.880 --> 01:13:26.960
He's teaching, he's wanting to teach me something.

1096
01:13:27.200 --> 01:13:28.720
I'm probably in a bad place.

1097
01:13:28.720 --> 01:13:30.280
I'm supposed to be in a better place.

1098
01:13:30.560 --> 01:13:32.960
I'm supposed to, all of these things that we tell ourselves, I'm probably

1099
01:13:32.960 --> 01:13:36.120
supposed to be in a more mature place or what, again, whatever we tell ourselves.

1100
01:13:36.800 --> 01:13:40.840
Um, and I'm probably wrong and I need to hurry and hurry and change.

1101
01:13:41.360 --> 01:13:43.360
Allow the Lord to do all of that.

1102
01:13:44.120 --> 01:13:46.440
Allow the Lord to take you through that process.

1103
01:13:46.480 --> 01:13:50.280
You just make sure that you're always submissive so that you step

1104
01:13:50.320 --> 01:13:52.480
into the change when God brings it.

1105
01:13:52.720 --> 01:13:57.960
You step into those opportunities, even though they're hard, but don't create

1106
01:13:57.960 --> 01:14:06.080
opportunities and, uh, or don't create, uh, uh, don't create events that actually

1107
01:14:06.080 --> 01:14:08.080
aren't God's opportunities for you.

1108
01:14:08.360 --> 01:14:11.200
You know, because you're thinking that you have to make it happen.

1109
01:14:11.200 --> 01:14:12.920
You have to change yourself fast.

1110
01:14:13.200 --> 01:14:14.800
You have to get over this.

1111
01:14:15.080 --> 01:14:16.560
You have to, does that make sense?

1112
01:14:17.440 --> 01:14:18.360
It does make sense.

1113
01:14:18.400 --> 01:14:24.920
I, I think that like, this has already been like on my mind for like the

1114
01:14:24.920 --> 01:14:28.240
past couple of years, probably.

1115
01:14:28.240 --> 01:14:31.520
I mean, I've talked to you about it already, like probably three years ago.

1116
01:14:32.120 --> 01:14:37.240
And so it feels like when, when God showed me that it was like such a, like,

1117
01:14:37.640 --> 01:14:43.400
it made me so emotional because it realized, I realized how he, how he viewed

1118
01:14:43.400 --> 01:14:49.080
it and it almost feels like now that I'm like going through the grieving process

1119
01:14:49.080 --> 01:14:54.280
of it, it would, it almost feels like putting it back on would stall it.

1120
01:14:54.760 --> 01:14:57.800
I don't know if that makes any sense or not, but like, I feel like I'm going

1121
01:14:57.800 --> 01:15:00.000
through like the grieving process of, of letting.

1122
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:05.040
and go of it and like working through through it. And it feels

1123
01:15:05.040 --> 01:15:08.960
like at this point, I'm not saying it would be like later on,

1124
01:15:08.960 --> 01:15:12.720
but it feels like at this point, feels like if I just like put it

1125
01:15:12.720 --> 01:15:18.000
on, it almost feels like it would like put a bandaid over

1126
01:15:18.000 --> 01:15:19.800
it. And then I would just peel it back off and then put a

1127
01:15:19.800 --> 01:15:21.920
bandaid. Like, I don't know if that makes any sense at all.

1128
01:15:21.920 --> 01:15:28.080
But like, I feel like and I hear what you're saying about

1129
01:15:28.080 --> 01:15:32.240
creating battles, because I feel like sometimes I'm the master

1130
01:15:32.240 --> 01:15:35.520
at creating my own battles. It's like, I can just like, make

1131
01:15:35.520 --> 01:15:42.040
things up. And like, why am I fighting this? But I, I think

1132
01:15:42.040 --> 01:15:46.600
that it almost seems like if I would just like, like, I feel

1133
01:15:46.600 --> 01:15:53.320
like if I work through the just, like, it almost, it almost feels

1134
01:15:53.320 --> 01:15:57.760
like I'm like, if I would, for example, have like a Christmas

1135
01:15:57.760 --> 01:16:00.240
event coming up, and like me not wearing it would almost feel

1136
01:16:00.240 --> 01:16:04.120
like ripping off the bandaid and just like, dealing with it.

1137
01:16:04.120 --> 01:16:08.760
Like, because I know that, like, I know what is true. And it

1138
01:16:08.760 --> 01:16:10.880
feels like if I would just put a veil on it would just put a

1139
01:16:10.880 --> 01:16:16.800
pause on the grieving of letting it go. Like, it's like, I don't

1140
01:16:16.800 --> 01:16:19.280
know how to I don't know how to explain it. But like it there

1141
01:16:19.280 --> 01:16:22.640
there is a grieving process of letting it go. And it feels

1142
01:16:22.640 --> 01:16:27.520
like I don't know. But then again, I don't know if it's just

1143
01:16:27.520 --> 01:16:33.000
like, that makes sense. But this has to be between you and

1144
01:16:33.000 --> 01:16:37.600
the Lord in order to give you meaning like, it has to be

1145
01:16:37.600 --> 01:16:40.880
owned, owned as an aspect of your relationship between you

1146
01:16:40.880 --> 01:16:43.560
and the Lord in order to give you the strength and the and the

1147
01:16:43.560 --> 01:16:48.880
resilience and the, the fortitude that you'll need. And

1148
01:16:48.880 --> 01:16:53.960
like, and yeah, there seems to be some other word that I'm

1149
01:16:53.960 --> 01:16:57.120
looking for. But also, something I wanted to say about the

1150
01:16:57.120 --> 01:17:02.240
grieving process, I was talking to a lady a while back, who had

1151
01:17:02.880 --> 01:17:06.680
been, she'd been asked when she was much younger, she's married

1152
01:17:06.680 --> 01:17:11.360
to another man now has kids and all that stuff. And when she was

1153
01:17:11.400 --> 01:17:14.760
very young, she was, I mean, old enough to be asked to be

1154
01:17:14.760 --> 01:17:19.680
married, you know, this guy asked her to marry him. And she

1155
01:17:19.680 --> 01:17:23.960
said no. And, and she said, you know, she didn't want to marry

1156
01:17:23.960 --> 01:17:27.840
him. But at this thing, well, how do I explain that? I'm

1157
01:17:27.840 --> 01:17:30.640
trying to remember how she worded it. But she just said,

1158
01:17:30.920 --> 01:17:35.200
there wasn't a she said he was a really nice guy. And she really

1159
01:17:35.200 --> 01:17:39.040
appreciated him. But it just it just didn't work out. I don't

1160
01:17:39.040 --> 01:17:42.840
remember if she even like really elaborated on it. She didn't say

1161
01:17:42.840 --> 01:17:45.720
it was like it actually any big deal. But basically, it just

1162
01:17:45.720 --> 01:17:49.560
didn't work out. And she and she's married to somebody else

1163
01:17:49.560 --> 01:17:52.560
now. And this is we're here down the road with kids and all of

1164
01:17:52.560 --> 01:17:57.240
that. And she said that, just the other day, I mean, like a

1165
01:17:57.240 --> 01:18:00.600
while back, but back when she told me this, it was just the

1166
01:18:00.600 --> 01:18:04.600
other day, she's just the other day, she said, I finally just

1167
01:18:04.600 --> 01:18:09.640
lay in the bathtub, and grieved the loss of that relationship.

1168
01:18:09.880 --> 01:18:15.960
She's married with kids. And she said, I grieved the loss of that

1169
01:18:15.960 --> 01:18:19.280
past relationship. And she's, and she said, it's not like I

1170
01:18:19.280 --> 01:18:21.880
wanted to go back and marry him, or that I regretted marrying the

1171
01:18:21.880 --> 01:18:26.240
man that I did. She said, but it was an aspect in which I felt

1172
01:18:26.240 --> 01:18:29.840
that because I got married to someone else, I couldn't grieve

1173
01:18:29.880 --> 01:18:33.800
this thing over here. And so she said, I finally realized that I

1174
01:18:33.800 --> 01:18:37.560
didn't need to fear it. And that I needed to allow the grief to

1175
01:18:37.560 --> 01:18:42.240
come up and out. And so she said, I finally grieved it. And

1176
01:18:42.240 --> 01:18:44.880
she said, really, she said, I didn't grieve not marrying him.

1177
01:18:44.880 --> 01:18:48.040
She said, I didn't grieve that. She said, I just grieved the

1178
01:18:48.040 --> 01:18:50.680
loss of the relationship, because she said he was so nice.

1179
01:18:50.680 --> 01:18:55.760
He was kind, and we enjoyed each other. And that relationship,

1180
01:18:55.920 --> 01:18:59.520
because she made different choices is lost. So she simply

1181
01:18:59.520 --> 01:19:03.840
grieved what it was. Grieving doesn't mean you choose it, and

1182
01:19:03.840 --> 01:19:08.560
you regret the decision. But it meant that it was precious. And

1183
01:19:08.560 --> 01:19:12.360
you are showing appreciation for the loss of something that was

1184
01:19:12.360 --> 01:19:16.600
precious in and of itself, or it's done right. But you'd still

1185
01:19:16.600 --> 01:19:18.680
go back and make the same choice you did. It's not like you're

1186
01:19:18.680 --> 01:19:21.400
choosing it. So I just mentioned, and I thought that

1187
01:19:21.400 --> 01:19:28.640
that was very, really good way to, to describe the the

1188
01:19:28.640 --> 01:19:32.920
experience of grief, is that it is important for us to let it up

1189
01:19:32.920 --> 01:19:35.880
and now Jesus grieved, Jesus wept, you know, and all of that.

1190
01:19:36.280 --> 01:19:41.320
And, and so there's nothing, it's an actual human emotion and

1191
01:19:41.320 --> 01:19:47.920
reaction to something that did have value to us. And the

1192
01:19:47.960 --> 01:19:51.840
grieving is the is the honoring it and appreciating it for the

1193
01:19:51.840 --> 01:19:57.160
goodness and letting it go. It's honoring it and the loss of it.

1194
01:19:57.160 --> 01:20:00.000
It's honoring it in the intentional decision to

1195
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:09.120
let it go. Um, and, uh, so anyway, you can think of it as, as you're going through this process

1196
01:20:09.120 --> 01:20:16.320
of realizing, okay, I'm not great of maybe choosing to grieve the, what it was and what

1197
01:20:16.320 --> 01:20:21.760
it meant to you and how special it was. And in so many ways, like all of the good ways

1198
01:20:22.400 --> 01:20:28.160
and that the fact and the God's like, yeah, but that doesn't have any place in your future

1199
01:20:28.960 --> 01:20:35.760
because your future is full of so many different things that this type of thing, there's no room

1200
01:20:35.760 --> 01:20:44.880
for it and its meaning and whatever, but it did contribute to and invest in who you are now.

1201
01:20:46.320 --> 01:20:52.640
And it's, and it's not bad. So like I said, we need to be careful to not villainize something.

1202
01:20:52.640 --> 01:20:58.720
That's actually not bad. The veil itself isn't bad. It's not evil. It's like a television.

1203
01:20:58.720 --> 01:21:04.000
It's just there. It's just there. What matters is the meaning to it. And you have so many good

1204
01:21:04.720 --> 01:21:10.400
God honoring meanings to it. They were, it was pretty, it made you feel feminine.

1205
01:21:10.400 --> 01:21:15.920
It was a rite of passage. It was a, all the women did it it's way it's, it's, you know,

1206
01:21:15.920 --> 01:21:20.240
you've got some of them I'm sure were gifts or some of them meant something special to you when

1207
01:21:20.240 --> 01:21:24.160
you bought your first one, you know, all kinds of things. And those are the only two things that

1208
01:21:24.160 --> 01:21:29.680
I can think of off the top of my head. And I'm sure you can think of a lot more. And anyway,

1209
01:21:29.680 --> 01:21:34.080
it can just, and the things that it meant a lot, maybe between even you and the Lord,

1210
01:21:34.880 --> 01:21:40.320
because God still knew what you were trying to do and appreciated that. It's like, she's trying to

1211
01:21:40.320 --> 01:21:45.760
connect with me. I'm sure she's using something and she thinks she needs it. And I don't want

1212
01:21:45.840 --> 01:21:53.120
her to think she needs it. But this is a symbol of her trying to get close to me. And I love that.

1213
01:21:54.240 --> 01:22:01.840
You know, that you can grieve and honor and allow yourself to grieve, allow yourself to,

1214
01:22:02.640 --> 01:22:10.800
to cry, and to feel sad into whatever of it, but sad, because it was a good thing,

1215
01:22:10.800 --> 01:22:12.320
not because it was a bad thing.

1216
01:22:15.440 --> 01:22:22.000
Yeah, that definitely makes sense. Yes. I feel like, I feel like you've given me like a lot to

1217
01:22:22.000 --> 01:22:26.960
think about, because I, like I connected with so many things that you said that, like, just,

1218
01:22:27.840 --> 01:22:33.840
yes, I feel like, yeah, I don't know how to explain it. But I just, I just know, like,

1219
01:22:33.840 --> 01:22:39.520
sometimes the things that you say, like, like, I definitely think it's something that like,

1220
01:22:41.440 --> 01:22:46.960
sometimes, sometimes I think about it, like, things will just come up to me later that,

1221
01:22:46.960 --> 01:22:51.600
like, you mentioned or said, and it was like, exactly what I needed in that moment. And it's

1222
01:22:51.600 --> 01:22:57.440
just like, it's like a reminder. But yet, it's, I don't know how to explain it. But it's,

1223
01:22:57.440 --> 01:23:03.280
it's something that it seems like your words just like absorb, and then they just kind of come up

1224
01:23:04.240 --> 01:23:15.520
as I'm like processing through things. Yeah. And so, well, I'll, you know, I always record these,

1225
01:23:15.520 --> 01:23:22.160
I'll put them up on, on my new platform. And I'll send you, I don't know, you probably don't already

1226
01:23:22.160 --> 01:23:26.320
have a username and passwords for it. So I'll set you up an account, and I'll send you the username

1227
01:23:26.320 --> 01:23:30.080
and password, and then you'll be able to have access to this recording, you know, in case it's

1228
01:23:30.240 --> 01:23:33.760
helpful to like, listen to again, it may not be perfect, some people listen to them again.

1229
01:23:34.320 --> 01:23:40.560
So we'll do that. And like you said, you know, there's just things that just kind of

1230
01:23:41.120 --> 01:23:45.440
will settle into your into your spirit and into your, you know, your soul, and then they'll just

1231
01:23:45.440 --> 01:23:51.520
kind of like come up. And the Lord will just remind you of when it's, it's needed or useful

1232
01:23:51.520 --> 01:23:59.600
or pertinent to the moment or, or whatever. So, so I'll be helpful. I really, really appreciate

1233
01:23:59.600 --> 01:24:03.920
this because I feel like it's, it's helped me work through some things. And like, um,

1234
01:24:05.280 --> 01:24:11.520
yeah, I, I feel like it's given me something to take before the Lord because I wasn't really sure

1235
01:24:12.400 --> 01:24:18.880
how to, or what, what to like, I was, I just felt like there was this like block there. And I'm

1236
01:24:18.880 --> 01:24:25.040
like, I don't know how to move past this. So I feel like it's helped me move past that block.

1237
01:24:25.040 --> 01:24:33.280
And I know what it is. Yeah. So remember the things that always help us get unstuck

1238
01:24:33.920 --> 01:24:40.160
is the more that we clamp down on it, trying to like figure it out or worry that we're not getting

1239
01:24:40.160 --> 01:24:45.600
through it, or we're not learning it, or we can't let go of it or whatever, the harder it is to let

1240
01:24:45.600 --> 01:24:51.680
go. So we actually have, you know what I'm saying? So just like loosen up and things will start

1241
01:24:51.680 --> 01:24:56.880
moving again. Remember that this brings death and this brings life allows the things to move again.

1242
01:24:57.840 --> 01:24:59.920
That that's so interesting. And it reminds me of something

1243
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:04.360
I was wanting to tell you, and I'm kind of like laughing about

1244
01:25:04.360 --> 01:25:06.760
it, because it's like, either you laugh about it, or you cry

1245
01:25:06.760 --> 01:25:12.120
about it. But like, I told you that, like, so when I was

1246
01:25:12.120 --> 01:25:14.920
pregnant with Mariah had like, lost 30 pounds, incomplete

1247
01:25:14.920 --> 01:25:17.840
rest. Well, after I stopped breastfeeding her, I started

1248
01:25:17.840 --> 01:25:21.880
gaining more weight back. And, which I think is like a hormone

1249
01:25:21.880 --> 01:25:25.000
thing, it fluctuates, body has to even out, but I immediately

1250
01:25:25.000 --> 01:25:28.920
thought, okay, I have to like take control, like, I have to

1251
01:25:28.920 --> 01:25:32.440
take control of this again. And like, so from the beginning of

1252
01:25:32.440 --> 01:25:36.360
the year, I had this full of like, losing like 30 pounds this

1253
01:25:36.360 --> 01:25:41.640
year. And I was like, okay, so my first thought was like, okay,

1254
01:25:41.640 --> 01:25:44.160
I have to take control that I can't obviously can't do this.

1255
01:25:44.440 --> 01:25:48.080
And like breast because like, I mean, like, I gained it back. So

1256
01:25:48.080 --> 01:25:51.680
like, you know, maybe it wasn't working or whatever. So then I

1257
01:25:51.680 --> 01:25:55.240
was like, trying to like, trying to control it. And then I gained

1258
01:25:56.120 --> 01:26:03.280
more weight. And then, and then, so, since like, I, I finally

1259
01:26:03.280 --> 01:26:06.080
like lost the weight that I gained, like a couple more

1260
01:26:06.080 --> 01:26:09.840
pounds, it was just so like, whatever. And then I think I

1261
01:26:09.840 --> 01:26:13.080
would just like, fight through like, I was like, I don't know

1262
01:26:13.080 --> 01:26:15.800
why I just felt like I just can't release it. Like, I

1263
01:26:15.800 --> 01:26:19.520
really felt like I have to work with this. Like, even though I

1264
01:26:19.520 --> 01:26:22.360
knew that in the past, I was scared, like, what if it doesn't

1265
01:26:22.360 --> 01:26:25.320
work? Well, anyways, and so like, I think it was like a week

1266
01:26:25.320 --> 01:26:32.560
ago. And I think I've lost a couple pounds. And she's like,

1267
01:26:32.800 --> 01:26:39.920
going so much better. It took me this long to relearn the thing.

1268
01:26:41.920 --> 01:26:44.960
I know. Well, no, I have to do the same thing. I have to do the

1269
01:26:44.960 --> 01:26:48.000
same thing. And in fact, I always joke with people that Ed

1270
01:26:48.000 --> 01:26:51.880
always has to remind me what I teach. Like, actually, you know

1271
01:26:51.880 --> 01:26:54.880
better than this. I'm like, I know. That's why I have to teach

1272
01:26:54.880 --> 01:26:59.760
it. But we do we have these, we have these struggles. What we've

1273
01:26:59.760 --> 01:27:02.360
chosen is we've chosen a lifestyle with the Lord. Lord, I

1274
01:27:02.360 --> 01:27:06.120
choose that. I really do that you really did give us the

1275
01:27:06.120 --> 01:27:10.360
degree of freedom that you say that you did. And I am choosing

1276
01:27:10.400 --> 01:27:17.960
to live in that freedom. And more and more. And anyway, so

1277
01:27:17.960 --> 01:27:21.360
he, so anyway, I struggle, I struggle with that, you know, as

1278
01:27:21.360 --> 01:27:26.440
well. But, but remember, you know, with with yourself, what

1279
01:27:26.440 --> 01:27:30.400
will, what will really work is when you start enjoying you

1280
01:27:31.800 --> 01:27:36.480
really loving you. Now, there's that whole aspect. Remember, you

1281
01:27:36.480 --> 01:27:40.720
have to accept your body as it is and yourself just your body

1282
01:27:40.720 --> 01:27:44.800
as an essence of you can't disassociate from your body and

1283
01:27:44.800 --> 01:27:48.080
say, I accept you, you have to fully engage with your body.

1284
01:27:48.080 --> 01:27:51.320
You know, this is me, this is, this, this is something I am in

1285
01:27:51.320 --> 01:27:56.440
charge of, I am my spirit, I'm, I'm over and in, in this body.

1286
01:27:56.880 --> 01:28:02.280
And I'll, and I fully accept this entity that is making these

1287
01:28:02.280 --> 01:28:06.280
decisions, while it's making these decisions. And I don't

1288
01:28:06.280 --> 01:28:09.720
judge it for making these decisions. I disagree with it

1289
01:28:09.720 --> 01:28:13.760
making those decisions. I think that's not very wise. But I

1290
01:28:13.760 --> 01:28:17.720
don't judge it for it. I don't condemn it. I don't think

1291
01:28:17.800 --> 01:28:21.160
negatively towards it. And it does not change how I choose to

1292
01:28:21.160 --> 01:28:25.080
relate to it, and how I interact with it, and how I treat it. Its

1293
01:28:25.080 --> 01:28:28.720
decisions don't change that I am just completely unconditionally

1294
01:28:28.720 --> 01:28:33.160
accepting non judgmental of my body. And it can't just be of

1295
01:28:33.160 --> 01:28:37.800
your body, it has to be of your body, it's being you. So the

1296
01:28:37.800 --> 01:28:40.720
same thing with your soul, and everything else. It's like you

1297
01:28:40.800 --> 01:28:48.240
have to love and enjoy you. This is who you have been given. Now

1298
01:28:48.240 --> 01:28:51.520
remember, you are making that choice that this is you. So

1299
01:28:51.520 --> 01:28:54.040
remember, this is who it is you really are this meaning like

1300
01:28:54.040 --> 01:28:57.200
your spirit, I was referred to it, you know, up here, your

1301
01:28:57.200 --> 01:29:00.760
spirit, you know, that is that is the one that you're one,

1302
01:29:00.800 --> 01:29:03.840
you're where you're one with Christ and all of that. And that

1303
01:29:03.840 --> 01:29:07.480
is the king over your soul and your body. And that is the

1304
01:29:07.480 --> 01:29:11.920
entity, so to speak, that is providing for protecting,

1305
01:29:11.920 --> 01:29:15.600
loving, creating space for accepting and having dominion

1306
01:29:15.600 --> 01:29:20.080
over the soul and the body. And in you fully, but you have to

1307
01:29:20.080 --> 01:29:23.200
fully accept the soul in the body as being you as well, even

1308
01:29:23.200 --> 01:29:26.560
though it's not the identity, you, you're still unified with

1309
01:29:26.560 --> 01:29:30.040
that your soul and your body. So anyway, you fully choose to

1310
01:29:30.040 --> 01:29:35.400
accept yourself as you are really like you, you need to be

1311
01:29:35.400 --> 01:29:39.480
your biggest fan. Bigger than Brian, you know, meaning like,

1312
01:29:39.880 --> 01:29:42.480
Brian being your biggest fan, you need to be a bigger fan of

1313
01:29:42.480 --> 01:29:45.880
yourself that Brian, you know, you have and I say that because

1314
01:29:45.880 --> 01:29:50.080
you know, who's your spouse, you had and and I this is from my

1315
01:29:50.080 --> 01:29:54.600
own personal experience, you really have to like you a lot.

1316
01:29:55.360 --> 01:30:00.080
Like, enjoy being with your own company, and enjoy

1317
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:02.820
way, your body, your soul, and all of that.

1318
01:30:03.280 --> 01:30:06.300
And then, and, and understand that.

1319
01:30:07.160 --> 01:30:13.180
What you're struggling with and what you don't like, isn't your natural state.

1320
01:30:14.020 --> 01:30:15.740
It's not your defaulted state.

1321
01:30:15.780 --> 01:30:23.360
It is your state under stress and under duress and under, you know, just, just

1322
01:30:23.400 --> 01:30:27.980
issues where it always feels like it's in a battle, and so if you remove the

1323
01:30:27.980 --> 01:30:32.840
battle, everything will revert back to its default state, your emotions, your

1324
01:30:32.840 --> 01:30:37.960
attitudes, your actions, your, your body and how, and, and health wise and how it

1325
01:30:37.960 --> 01:30:39.440
all operates.

1326
01:30:40.000 --> 01:30:44.660
Um, so fully just love and accept and enjoy who it is that you are.

1327
01:30:45.000 --> 01:30:49.320
Choose yourself as a friend that you intentionally make a decision.

1328
01:30:49.920 --> 01:30:50.540
You know what?

1329
01:30:50.560 --> 01:30:51.520
I'm going to choose that.

1330
01:30:51.520 --> 01:30:52.600
I like this person.

1331
01:30:52.680 --> 01:30:55.920
I'm going to find out about this person and enjoy this person.

1332
01:30:56.860 --> 01:31:04.100
I am telling you what, I have not found anything more powerful to change who you

1333
01:31:04.100 --> 01:31:08.740
are, because what you're doing is you are coming into agreement with God, because

1334
01:31:08.740 --> 01:31:12.740
you always go back to who does God say he is and who does he say that I am?

1335
01:31:13.140 --> 01:31:15.300
So you're always going back to those two things.

1336
01:31:15.300 --> 01:31:17.020
So who does he say I am?

1337
01:31:17.060 --> 01:31:21.660
And you love and fully accept that who he's declared you to be.

1338
01:31:22.640 --> 01:31:27.480
And then, and then your, your body and your soul will are aspects of creation

1339
01:31:27.480 --> 01:31:30.680
that will respond to a son of God manifesting himself.

1340
01:31:30.960 --> 01:31:35.440
Remember the manifesting himself, meaning like this, the spirit is showing up.

1341
01:31:35.760 --> 01:31:37.160
He's like, Hey, this is who I am.

1342
01:31:37.160 --> 01:31:38.040
I am a son of God.

1343
01:31:38.040 --> 01:31:39.040
And I'm like, oh my goodness.

1344
01:31:39.720 --> 01:31:44.880
You know, and then they'll, they're made by God to respond to into act a particular

1345
01:31:44.880 --> 01:31:46.740
way when they encounter a son of God.

1346
01:31:47.200 --> 01:31:50.720
So when they encounter your spirit and that's how you show up when you interact

1347
01:31:50.740 --> 01:31:55.180
with them, they will respond the way that got perfectly the way that God will.

1348
01:31:55.540 --> 01:31:59.060
You know, originally designed them before Adam ever fell back in the garden of

1349
01:31:59.060 --> 01:32:07.060
Eden as God designed them to, um, to operate in order and imperfection when

1350
01:32:07.060 --> 01:32:10.340
they encounter a son of God and you won't have to change your soul.

1351
01:32:10.340 --> 01:32:11.740
You won't have to change your body.

1352
01:32:11.900 --> 01:32:13.420
It knows what to do.

1353
01:32:14.060 --> 01:32:16.940
It's not, they're now operating very unnaturally.

1354
01:32:16.940 --> 01:32:20.580
So when you provide a safe place for them to be themselves without requiring

1355
01:32:20.600 --> 01:32:24.680
them to change, they start reverting back to their default state because

1356
01:32:24.680 --> 01:32:27.920
there's no reason for them to stay the way that they are now that they're safe.

1357
01:32:28.560 --> 01:32:31.600
They can let down their guard and then they'll naturally default back to what

1358
01:32:31.600 --> 01:32:34.240
they prefer, their natural state, which is what they prefer.

1359
01:32:34.640 --> 01:32:35.880
They prefer a certain weight.

1360
01:32:36.120 --> 01:32:37.500
It prefers certain emotions.

1361
01:32:37.500 --> 01:32:40.600
It prefers certain personality, you know, et cetera.

1362
01:32:41.480 --> 01:32:46.840
That is so interesting because like that reminds me of like last February, I just

1363
01:32:46.860 --> 01:32:51.340
never, like God so specifically told me when I looked into the mirror, like you

1364
01:32:51.340 --> 01:32:54.620
will not be able to lose this weight until you love yourself exactly as you

1365
01:32:54.620 --> 01:32:56.060
are right in this moment.

1366
01:32:56.620 --> 01:33:00.180
And so I feel like you just like completely affirmed everything that I,

1367
01:33:00.700 --> 01:33:05.820
that I, yeah, I just like looked in the mirror and I just felt him tell me that.

1368
01:33:08.180 --> 01:33:14.380
I think at first, like a couple of weeks ago, I started like, um, like writing,

1369
01:33:14.440 --> 01:33:17.360
writing down things of like what I felt like God was telling me.

1370
01:33:17.840 --> 01:33:21.040
And at first it was even hard to write my name.

1371
01:33:21.600 --> 01:33:28.280
Like, I felt so much like insecurity around even just writing my name.

1372
01:33:28.680 --> 01:33:32.520
And so then God would just have me write my name, like, like, like addressing,

1373
01:33:32.520 --> 01:33:34.880
like addressing myself in a loving way.

1374
01:33:34.880 --> 01:33:37.520
Like Lori, I love you.

1375
01:33:37.560 --> 01:33:40.760
Like God telling me writing that down was so hard.

1376
01:33:41.020 --> 01:33:47.380
And I was like, I thought that I, you know, I love myself, but just writing my

1377
01:33:47.380 --> 01:33:51.860
name down and being like, Lori, and then this nice thing after it, it just felt

1378
01:33:51.860 --> 01:33:58.340
like I wasn't supposed to do this is not right.

1379
01:33:58.340 --> 01:34:00.260
Like, we don't, we don't do this.

1380
01:34:00.900 --> 01:34:03.420
And so God had to kind of work.

1381
01:34:07.740 --> 01:34:10.140
And yeah, it is hard.

1382
01:34:11.060 --> 01:34:11.220
Yeah.

1383
01:34:11.220 --> 01:34:17.540
So what you, what you said, like that was, I need to say, well, good.

1384
01:34:17.540 --> 01:34:20.720
I love that you said that, you know, God had you do that.

1385
01:34:20.780 --> 01:34:24.800
Um, and because yeah, it's always an indication to us that there's some

1386
01:34:24.800 --> 01:34:29.540
aspect about ourselves that we aren't accepting if, if we don't like to be with

1387
01:34:29.540 --> 01:34:33.860
us, there's some aspect of us that doesn't like to be with that part of us or

1388
01:34:33.860 --> 01:34:39.580
whatever, even, um, uh, like if you were to go back and, um, remember you as a

1389
01:34:39.580 --> 01:34:44.320
little girl and, um, what do you love or do you love that person?

1390
01:34:44.440 --> 01:34:46.920
Do you love that little girl or do you hate that little girl?

1391
01:34:46.960 --> 01:34:48.880
Do you really not like being around that little girl?

1392
01:34:48.920 --> 01:34:53.280
Do you not like seeing pictures of yourself in the past or even now?

1393
01:34:53.640 --> 01:34:57.480
That's a, that's a indication of like self-hatred, you know, et cetera.

1394
01:34:57.880 --> 01:34:58.880
So, um,

1395
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:04.960
I was done. There was something else I was going to say, but I don't remember what it was.

1396
01:35:06.080 --> 01:35:09.280
You're swinging around. I'm going to grab something while you're talking. Go ahead.

1397
01:35:10.400 --> 01:35:14.800
The biggest thing that's actually helped me work through that is because I used to completely hate

1398
01:35:15.520 --> 01:35:23.920
myself as a child. But the thing that was having felicity and she's like, Oh, she's just like,

1399
01:35:23.920 --> 01:35:28.000
I remember like her being like, I'm like, well, who could ever hate someone like that?

1400
01:35:28.960 --> 01:35:36.640
It's like, loving her has helped me love my younger self because I saw myself from a different

1401
01:35:36.640 --> 01:35:44.880
perspective. Yeah. That was very, very healing. I was having a mini version of myself. Very

1402
01:35:44.880 --> 01:35:50.240
healing and also very, um, anyways, sometimes you're like, I feel like I'm raising myself.

1403
01:35:50.240 --> 01:35:57.040
I'm raising myself and I'm raising myself. I know, I know to me, this is what I thought of

1404
01:35:57.040 --> 01:36:06.080
when you talked about signing your name. Oh yeah. Yeah. Signed your name here. I love it.

1405
01:36:06.080 --> 01:36:11.760
That's beautiful. Beautiful signature. So I loved your sweet letter. Thank you so much.

1406
01:36:11.760 --> 01:36:16.400
I loved it. It meant a lot to me to get to you. Yeah. I love, I love writing letters.

1407
01:36:17.840 --> 01:36:22.560
That's good. I love it. I love getting letters and I'm trying to remember it. I thought there

1408
01:36:22.560 --> 01:36:28.000
was one more thing that I was going to say, but maybe not. Maybe I, maybe I said it and

1409
01:36:31.040 --> 01:36:35.760
it was about, it was about accepting, you know, ourselves and everything.

1410
01:36:35.760 --> 01:36:45.600
Um, but I don't remember, but that really will be, uh, make a, a, um, a huge, huge, huge

1411
01:36:45.600 --> 01:36:49.840
difference. And in fact, I was just talking to somebody else about it today and I was encouraging

1412
01:36:49.920 --> 01:36:57.280
them that when they change how they feel about themselves, they will naturally not,

1413
01:36:58.480 --> 01:37:06.480
they will not be repulsed by feet, by feet, by foods that they're currently addicted to.

1414
01:37:06.480 --> 01:37:12.160
Like say for instance, sugar or whatever, um, there'll be repulsed by them because they'll

1415
01:37:12.160 --> 01:37:18.560
be not only do they, do they recognize that? No, those foods actually make me physically not feel

1416
01:37:18.560 --> 01:37:23.840
good when I eat them because they're chemically and they're cheap and they're whatever. But it,

1417
01:37:24.880 --> 01:37:30.000
there's also an aspect of you have so much vet, you value yourself so much

1418
01:37:30.800 --> 01:37:33.920
that when you think about eating those foods,

1419
01:37:37.280 --> 01:37:43.040
they feel cheap compared to you and you don't want to soil yourself with something so cheap.

1420
01:37:44.000 --> 01:37:49.200
And it's more than just, you physically don't, you know how you physically don't feel good when

1421
01:37:49.200 --> 01:37:53.200
you have that. There is that, that this is an addition to that. It's like, you feel like you

1422
01:37:53.200 --> 01:37:59.360
will soil or corrupt or contaminate. That's the word you'll contaminate yourself by associating

1423
01:37:59.360 --> 01:38:06.400
with something so cheap. Um, because you are using something that is cheap and allowing it to

1424
01:38:07.200 --> 01:38:18.000
kind of a say in your body to affect it. Um, kind of like, uh, I, I don't know. Um,

1425
01:38:18.000 --> 01:38:26.640
kind of like having a really have a, uh, really cheap, um, doctor or something. And by cheap,

1426
01:38:26.640 --> 01:38:31.680
I mean like he didn't go to school. He's just like kind of hacked at bodies to figure out

1427
01:38:32.560 --> 01:38:41.200
how stuff works and you would allow him to work on you, you know? Yeah. And you'd be like,

1428
01:38:41.200 --> 01:38:48.480
no, that's beneath me. This is too important. I am too important to allow somebody who has no

1429
01:38:48.480 --> 01:38:54.000
value of the human body because he was just like hacking away at stuff, just like figuring out,

1430
01:38:54.000 --> 01:38:57.680
sorry, I'm not trying to create a grotesque picture. He's just like, you know, it's a grave

1431
01:38:57.680 --> 01:39:01.680
robber. And he's like, you know how they used to actually have to learn about how human bodies

1432
01:39:01.680 --> 01:39:05.200
worked as they would dig up grace. You remember, but anyway, they're just doing stuff that they

1433
01:39:05.200 --> 01:39:10.400
don't care. You know, they have no value for human life. Why on earth would you allow someone

1434
01:39:10.400 --> 01:39:16.560
that has no value for human life to work on your body? That is how I actually respond to

1435
01:39:17.440 --> 01:39:23.520
certain foods. Now it's big. And these are foods that I like. And it's because I'm just like,

1436
01:39:23.920 --> 01:39:29.280
oh, why on earth would I put that thing in my body? It literally feels like I would be drinking

1437
01:39:29.280 --> 01:39:37.520
poison because it's so cheap. It has no nutritional value. It, my body then responds to it like it's

1438
01:39:37.520 --> 01:39:44.080
poison and it's going to either hold onto it as fat or it's going to make me feel sick or it's

1439
01:39:44.080 --> 01:39:48.960
just going to, I don't know, it's just going to make me feel awful. But even if I don't have all

1440
01:39:48.960 --> 01:39:54.000
of those feelings, I'm actually, you know, physically feel the negative impact of it.

1441
01:39:54.000 --> 01:39:59.760
I will be, I will be affected and I'll just feel like I'm in.

1442
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:04.880
expecting something that is, OK, kind of like this,

1443
01:40:04.880 --> 01:40:06.420
kind of like having a pearl necklace,

1444
01:40:06.420 --> 01:40:08.980
and every now and then putting in something that's

1445
01:40:08.980 --> 01:40:12.140
like a glass bead on a pearl necklace.

1446
01:40:12.140 --> 01:40:13.820
It's like, that doesn't make any sense.

1447
01:40:13.820 --> 01:40:16.060
And now it's cheap in the whole thing.

1448
01:40:16.060 --> 01:40:19.420
That's how I honestly feel about certain foods.

1449
01:40:19.420 --> 01:40:21.540
Sometimes Chanel will go out somewhere and I

1450
01:40:21.540 --> 01:40:22.980
want to do something fun.

1451
01:40:22.980 --> 01:40:25.460
And growing the way that I grew up

1452
01:40:25.460 --> 01:40:28.920
is food was always associated with celebration.

1453
01:40:28.920 --> 01:40:31.480
If you're having fun, you have to eat.

1454
01:40:31.480 --> 01:40:34.280
If you're not eating, it's not fun.

1455
01:40:34.280 --> 01:40:35.760
It's not really, truly fun.

1456
01:40:35.760 --> 01:40:38.160
And I know that that's really twisted,

1457
01:40:38.160 --> 01:40:40.060
but, hey, that's just how I grew up.

1458
01:40:40.060 --> 01:40:41.000
It's very Texan.

1459
01:40:41.000 --> 01:40:42.600
It's very my family.

1460
01:40:42.600 --> 01:40:43.680
There you go.

1461
01:40:43.680 --> 01:40:44.560
It's very American.

1462
01:40:49.680 --> 01:40:52.800
And it's volume, and it's whatever

1463
01:40:52.800 --> 01:40:54.840
tastes good, not whatever is good for you.

1464
01:40:54.840 --> 01:40:57.880
So anyway, the point is that it's

1465
01:40:57.880 --> 01:40:59.880
a huge psychological mind shift change.

1466
01:40:59.880 --> 01:41:03.000
And it changed when I changed how I viewed myself.

1467
01:41:03.000 --> 01:41:06.320
When I actually began to value myself,

1468
01:41:06.320 --> 01:41:08.360
I naturally didn't want those things.

1469
01:41:08.360 --> 01:41:12.200
So I didn't have to fight the temptation to eat them

1470
01:41:12.200 --> 01:41:15.640
and just tell myself and just be really hard on myself

1471
01:41:15.640 --> 01:41:18.880
and just like, no, no, I'm not going to do this.

1472
01:41:18.880 --> 01:41:20.640
And then by my own sheer willpower,

1473
01:41:20.640 --> 01:41:22.040
I'm not going to eat these things.

1474
01:41:22.040 --> 01:41:23.160
That's exhausting.

1475
01:41:23.160 --> 01:41:25.120
That's an exhausting way to go through life.

1476
01:41:25.120 --> 01:41:26.480
I no longer had to do it.

1477
01:41:26.480 --> 01:41:29.520
I didn't want to contaminate myself

1478
01:41:29.520 --> 01:41:31.280
with something like that.

1479
01:41:31.280 --> 01:41:35.400
I wasn't tempted at all, because I'm like, yes.

1480
01:41:35.400 --> 01:41:37.240
I am so repulsed by it.

1481
01:41:37.240 --> 01:41:41.920
And that's a much easier way to lose weight, to keep it off.

1482
01:41:41.920 --> 01:41:44.880
So anyway, it's very effortless.

1483
01:41:44.880 --> 01:41:52.160
It's putting in the time and the focus

1484
01:41:52.160 --> 01:41:58.640
on having a really good foundation of viewing yourself

1485
01:41:58.640 --> 01:42:03.960
the way that God wants you to, to make an effortless future

1486
01:42:03.960 --> 01:42:06.040
where you effortlessly lose weight

1487
01:42:06.040 --> 01:42:09.480
and you effortlessly keep it off instead of trying

1488
01:42:09.480 --> 01:42:12.160
to get a real quick fix.

1489
01:42:12.160 --> 01:42:16.320
Because if you try to get a real quick fix by just strong

1490
01:42:16.320 --> 01:42:19.760
arming yourself through extreme diets and extreme exercise

1491
01:42:19.760 --> 01:42:22.000
and whatever, you get a result.

1492
01:42:22.000 --> 01:42:24.640
But you have to maintain it with the same effort

1493
01:42:24.640 --> 01:42:25.360
that you put in.

1494
01:42:25.360 --> 01:42:26.800
And I don't even mean necessarily

1495
01:42:26.800 --> 01:42:28.160
even external effort.

1496
01:42:28.160 --> 01:42:32.200
Internal effort, you have to put the same exertion

1497
01:42:32.200 --> 01:42:33.800
into it for the rest of your life

1498
01:42:33.800 --> 01:42:38.400
in order to maintain it, because that's how you birthed it.

1499
01:42:38.400 --> 01:42:40.280
What you birth something with is the energy

1500
01:42:40.280 --> 01:42:45.080
that it continues to have to need in order to be sustained.

1501
01:42:45.080 --> 01:42:47.520
So if you do it effortlessly based off

1502
01:42:47.520 --> 01:42:50.960
of how you value yourself, your body will naturally

1503
01:42:50.960 --> 01:42:56.120
and your emotions will naturally be sourced

1504
01:42:56.120 --> 01:42:58.240
from your own sense of value.

1505
01:42:58.240 --> 01:43:00.600
And their decisions of what they eat

1506
01:43:00.600 --> 01:43:04.240
and what they expose themselves to and how much they exercise

1507
01:43:04.240 --> 01:43:07.360
and how much they rest will be determined

1508
01:43:07.360 --> 01:43:08.840
based off of how much you value.

1509
01:43:08.840 --> 01:43:10.720
And it's so much more effortless.

1510
01:43:10.720 --> 01:43:13.560
So anyway, that is an encouragement.

1511
01:43:13.560 --> 01:43:14.760
Well, thank you very much.

1512
01:43:14.760 --> 01:43:16.080
I appreciate that.

1513
01:43:16.080 --> 01:43:20.160
I feel like I've been experiencing that more and more

1514
01:43:20.400 --> 01:43:23.360
just for example, today I had made some hot dogs

1515
01:43:23.360 --> 01:43:25.600
for the girls, which is so against my grain

1516
01:43:25.600 --> 01:43:30.160
because I'm the type of person that I would like

1517
01:43:30.160 --> 01:43:33.800
buy the $6 organic pack of hot dogs versus whatever.

1518
01:43:35.120 --> 01:43:36.600
But today was a day that I did.

1519
01:43:36.600 --> 01:43:38.080
And I was like, I want one.

1520
01:43:38.080 --> 01:43:39.560
Sometimes I crave it.

1521
01:43:39.560 --> 01:43:40.520
And I started eating it.

1522
01:43:40.520 --> 01:43:42.560
And pretty soon I started feeling really bad.

1523
01:43:42.560 --> 01:43:47.560
And I was like, this is just not like,

1524
01:43:48.280 --> 01:43:50.320
this doesn't feel good.

1525
01:43:50.320 --> 01:43:52.240
And then I had made myself,

1526
01:43:52.240 --> 01:43:54.640
I like, it was prepackaged,

1527
01:43:54.640 --> 01:43:56.040
but it was still supposed to be healthy,

1528
01:43:56.040 --> 01:43:58.120
like a Mediterranean bowl or something.

1529
01:43:58.120 --> 01:44:00.200
And I was like, even this doesn't taste as good

1530
01:44:00.200 --> 01:44:03.080
because what I used to do make from scratch foods

1531
01:44:03.080 --> 01:44:05.520
and God was like, well, you don't have to eat it

1532
01:44:05.520 --> 01:44:08.400
just because, no, that's not, I don't have to eat it.

1533
01:44:08.400 --> 01:44:11.640
So I had like my shake or whatever I had wanted

1534
01:44:11.640 --> 01:44:15.920
and had some like amino acids with it.

1535
01:44:15.960 --> 01:44:16.800
I love this.

1536
01:44:16.800 --> 01:44:18.320
This like feels so good.

1537
01:44:18.320 --> 01:44:22.000
And then like, and I've noticed that like,

1538
01:44:22.000 --> 01:44:25.160
I had ice cream that used to be very,

1539
01:44:25.160 --> 01:44:27.840
like something that I just craved all the time.

1540
01:44:27.840 --> 01:44:31.080
And I haven't eaten ice cream in a long time.

1541
01:44:31.080 --> 01:44:32.800
Yesterday, I wasn't doing this yesterday.

1542
01:44:32.800 --> 01:44:34.440
I almost took a bite and I was like, no,

1543
01:44:34.440 --> 01:44:37.640
like I don't, no, I wasn't gonna do this anymore.

1544
01:44:37.640 --> 01:44:41.240
And then I found this like really like,

1545
01:44:41.240 --> 01:44:43.120
I found this healthy alternative to ice cream

1546
01:44:43.120 --> 01:44:44.720
and it's like so good.

1547
01:44:44.720 --> 01:44:48.680
But anyway, and I, but I do, I do agree with you.

1548
01:44:48.680 --> 01:44:51.640
I feel like the more that I do value myself,

1549
01:44:51.640 --> 01:44:55.360
the less I want certain foods because yeah.

1550
01:44:55.360 --> 01:44:56.200
Well, yeah.

1551
01:44:56.200 --> 01:44:57.280
And like at the beginning of the year

1552
01:44:57.280 --> 01:45:00.040
when I was starting this whole thing.

1553
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:02.980
And I was I was still just like doing things out of habit. And I

1554
01:45:02.980 --> 01:45:06.980
got dessert. My brother was like, What are you doing? That's

1555
01:45:06.980 --> 01:45:11.020
like poison. He was like, you're just putting poison in your body

1556
01:45:11.020 --> 01:45:14.400
right now. He had a little bit more of a condemning attitude

1557
01:45:14.400 --> 01:45:18.840
about it. But you know, still, he does have a point like, this

1558
01:45:18.840 --> 01:45:25.020
is pretty much poison. But it didn't necessarily the poison

1559
01:45:25.020 --> 01:45:29.180
didn't necessarily matter until I valued myself enough to not

1560
01:45:29.180 --> 01:45:36.260
want the poison. So yeah, that 100% is I, I totally resonated

1561
01:45:36.260 --> 01:45:41.620
with what you said, because it's like, it's like, you don't care

1562
01:45:41.620 --> 01:45:47.660
it's poison until you care about yourself. Yeah, that's a great

1563
01:45:47.660 --> 01:45:48.260
way to put it.

1564
01:45:48.300 --> 01:45:52.100
Yeah. And one more thing, and I'll let you go. One more thing

1565
01:45:52.100 --> 01:45:54.460
that I thought of that I was talking to someone about today

1566
01:45:54.460 --> 01:45:59.020
that they said really helped them in like, in, like, in

1567
01:45:59.020 --> 01:46:07.180
their, you know, was the, the importance of owning yourself

1568
01:46:07.220 --> 01:46:13.140
and just and designing your own life. Like in other words, you

1569
01:46:13.140 --> 01:46:15.700
know, with you and the Lord, you know, not by yourself, but with

1570
01:46:15.700 --> 01:46:19.740
you and the Lord, like deciding no, what kind of a life do I

1571
01:46:19.740 --> 01:46:23.540
want to create for me? What kind of a life do I want to create

1572
01:46:23.540 --> 01:46:28.020
for my body? What kind of a body do I want to experience being

1573
01:46:28.020 --> 01:46:30.380
and what kind of experience do I want to have in my body,

1574
01:46:30.420 --> 01:46:35.980
basically, you know, or in my soul or in my home or whatever,

1575
01:46:36.220 --> 01:46:40.420
instead of thinking, okay, I'm just things happen. And I just

1576
01:46:40.420 --> 01:46:44.420
need to be ready, you know, to respond to them to like, keep

1577
01:46:44.420 --> 01:46:48.100
the really bad consequences at bay. And to take advantage of

1578
01:46:48.100 --> 01:46:52.700
any opportunities that come No, design it, what do you want your

1579
01:46:52.700 --> 01:46:56.860
life to be like, and then do approach in approaching your

1580
01:46:56.860 --> 01:46:59.980
body and your health journey from that more empowering place

1581
01:46:59.980 --> 01:47:02.380
makes all the difference in the world. This lady that I was

1582
01:47:02.380 --> 01:47:05.580
talking to just today, she said, Oh, my word, she said all this

1583
01:47:05.580 --> 01:47:11.260
week, I have woken up at six to go work out every single day.

1584
01:47:11.620 --> 01:47:14.580
She said, and I haven't dreaded it. I haven't I haven't been

1585
01:47:14.580 --> 01:47:19.380
upset when I get up. I have actually really enjoyed and the

1586
01:47:19.380 --> 01:47:22.780
exercise and she said, exercising has felt so

1587
01:47:22.860 --> 01:47:26.620
effortless. You know, she's like, and I asked her, so well,

1588
01:47:26.620 --> 01:47:28.820
that's great. What do you think made the change? And she said

1589
01:47:28.820 --> 01:47:31.580
those two things, you know, the thing of like accepting yourself

1590
01:47:31.620 --> 01:47:34.460
and she said and filling in power to make my own decisions

1591
01:47:34.460 --> 01:47:38.660
in my life. What instead of like, oh, this is the way that

1592
01:47:38.660 --> 01:47:43.260
the physical laws work, you know, so if I want, I want to

1593
01:47:43.260 --> 01:47:47.580
eat all of this candy, but my body is going to gain weight,

1594
01:47:47.580 --> 01:47:51.740
dadgummit, I don't know why it acts like that, you know, I want

1595
01:47:51.740 --> 01:47:54.980
this good thing, and then it gives me a negative result, you

1596
01:47:54.980 --> 01:47:58.900
know, and then you always and then you view it from a from a

1597
01:47:58.900 --> 01:48:03.460
victim mentality. Yes, I'm existing in this life, that

1598
01:48:03.460 --> 01:48:07.740
everything's against me. And so because of that, well, because

1599
01:48:07.740 --> 01:48:11.620
my body acts like this, I can't do this, I have to do this. If I

1600
01:48:11.620 --> 01:48:14.740
want this in my life, if I want to, if I want to be a healthy

1601
01:48:14.740 --> 01:48:18.140
way, I have to do this, you know, well, then it always makes

1602
01:48:18.140 --> 01:48:22.180
us feel like we're this victim that's having to, that's having

1603
01:48:22.180 --> 01:48:26.260
to just deal with avoiding consequences or result of

1604
01:48:26.260 --> 01:48:29.820
actions, instead of know, what kind of a life do I want to

1605
01:48:29.820 --> 01:48:32.740
create an experience to where I want to have here on earth, I

1606
01:48:32.740 --> 01:48:36.220
want to have a healthy one, I want to feel strong in my body,

1607
01:48:36.260 --> 01:48:38.780
I don't want to, you know, and I want to feel healthy in my body

1608
01:48:38.780 --> 01:48:42.180
and I want to feel, I want to feel like my joints and my

1609
01:48:42.180 --> 01:48:45.140
ligaments have moved very smoothly, and that I want to be

1610
01:48:45.140 --> 01:48:48.940
able to walk faster, I want to not be out of breath. Why?

1611
01:48:48.940 --> 01:48:53.020
Because that's the experience I want to have. So you're choosing

1612
01:48:53.020 --> 01:48:56.140
positive experiences that you want to bring into your life and

1613
01:48:56.140 --> 01:48:59.140
that you want to design your life to be and then figure out

1614
01:48:59.180 --> 01:49:03.900
how can I get that for myself, as opposed to how do I avoid any

1615
01:49:03.900 --> 01:49:07.540
of these other things happening? It's no how do I positively

1616
01:49:07.540 --> 01:49:11.700
create these good things I want, totally different perspective,

1617
01:49:11.700 --> 01:49:15.380
and she said, and she said that changed everything. So anyway,

1618
01:49:17.380 --> 01:49:21.660
being a victim to healthy foods or working out, subject to it,

1619
01:49:21.700 --> 01:49:23.620
you're like, owning it and using it.

1620
01:49:25.100 --> 01:49:27.500
Yeah, because remember that everything that you encounter,

1621
01:49:27.500 --> 01:49:31.660
you rule over, you rule over all those laws, all those rules, all

1622
01:49:31.660 --> 01:49:36.020
of those foods, everything, you are allowing them to partner

1623
01:49:36.020 --> 01:49:39.940
with you to give you to help you design the life to live the life

1624
01:49:39.940 --> 01:49:43.020
that you design. Now you design it with the Lord. This isn't like

1625
01:49:43.060 --> 01:49:49.260
some like man centric, new age philosophy. But my point is that

1626
01:49:49.300 --> 01:49:52.060
remember that everything goes back to who does God say that he

1627
01:49:52.060 --> 01:49:54.940
is and who does he say that you are and you operate from those

1628
01:49:54.940 --> 01:49:58.940
two places from that place. Who does he say he is and I am and

1629
01:49:58.940 --> 01:49:59.980
then let's live from

1630
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:05.160
in that place, based off of who we are, for right, you know, he and I were one, we're

1631
01:50:05.160 --> 01:50:06.160
righteous.

1632
01:50:06.160 --> 01:50:10.160
We're, you know, we're provider for those within our kingdom, we're protector, we're

1633
01:50:10.160 --> 01:50:14.640
safe, we're holy, we're, we make, we're wise, we make good decisions.

1634
01:50:14.640 --> 01:50:18.440
We know all things, meaning like, you know, our spirits have access to all knowledge in

1635
01:50:18.440 --> 01:50:19.440
the Lord.

1636
01:50:19.440 --> 01:50:20.720
You know, we're always dependent on the Lord.

1637
01:50:20.720 --> 01:50:22.400
We can't go off and do our own thing.

1638
01:50:22.400 --> 01:50:25.720
We have to always be in Christ in order to operate in all of those benefits.

1639
01:50:25.720 --> 01:50:30.720
But the thing is that operating from the oneness in Christ, we have all of these benefits.

1640
01:50:30.720 --> 01:50:36.680
And so it's a very, it's a very empowering and a powerful and a place to live from that

1641
01:50:36.680 --> 01:50:38.400
carries responsibility.

1642
01:50:38.400 --> 01:50:42.920
We bring life to the rest of creation, including our own lives, including our soul, our body,

1643
01:50:42.920 --> 01:50:48.920
our designing with the Lord, our future, you know, and so making decisions.

1644
01:50:48.920 --> 01:50:54.920
So I like how you said responsibility, because it, it also made me think of how like growing

1645
01:50:55.120 --> 01:51:00.120
up and I feel like just the way that I, the environment I grew up in, I don't know that

1646
01:51:00.120 --> 01:51:03.120
it's necessarily like my parents or it was the community.

1647
01:51:03.120 --> 01:51:09.120
I just didn't value like, um, animals and like, it was just like, Oh, like don't, nothing

1648
01:51:09.120 --> 01:51:10.120
happens.

1649
01:51:10.120 --> 01:51:13.120
Like just, you know, it's just man or whatever.

1650
01:51:13.120 --> 01:51:17.920
And I feel like the more I've stepped into my authority in Christ, the more I respect

1651
01:51:17.920 --> 01:51:24.120
I have for things like animals and trees and plants and like just the world in general.

1652
01:51:24.320 --> 01:51:28.320
It's not just a tree, whatever, not just a dog.

1653
01:51:28.320 --> 01:51:31.320
These are things that we've been given to, to rule over.

1654
01:51:31.320 --> 01:51:34.320
And I think like they're, they're such a, just, they're waiting for us to take care

1655
01:51:34.320 --> 01:51:35.320
of them.

1656
01:51:35.320 --> 01:51:42.320
So it actually like, I've never been like, uh, just, you know, I haven't had like, I

1657
01:51:42.320 --> 01:51:46.320
have not always had this like big heart for just animals and things like that.

1658
01:51:46.320 --> 01:51:51.320
But I feel like as I've stepped into my authority, I was like, I care about these things.

1659
01:51:51.520 --> 01:51:57.520
Like, how could you even think of treating like, yeah, you know, the world around us

1660
01:51:57.520 --> 01:52:02.520
so poorly because they, they're waiting for us to take care of them.

1661
01:52:02.520 --> 01:52:06.520
And I, and I just think like, like, how could we disrespect it like that?

1662
01:52:06.520 --> 01:52:12.520
Or like, you know, they're looking up to us and like, I feel like we're abusing our

1663
01:52:12.520 --> 01:52:20.520
authority in a way by neglecting or, or, um, not taking care of them.

1664
01:52:20.720 --> 01:52:25.720
And so I think that's something too that kind of changes is like, even when it comes

1665
01:52:25.720 --> 01:52:29.720
to, yeah, food and exercise, like we're an authority over them.

1666
01:52:29.720 --> 01:52:34.720
It's our job to like take care of them and use them in the right way.

1667
01:52:34.720 --> 01:52:35.720
And I don't know.

1668
01:52:35.720 --> 01:52:37.720
I think that's something that's like really changed in my heart too.

1669
01:52:37.720 --> 01:52:41.720
It's just like the way that we take care of our world and the things in it, they're

1670
01:52:41.720 --> 01:52:48.720
not just disposable and like, whatever, like just like, and it's like that whole

1671
01:52:48.920 --> 01:52:54.920
attitude is let's just put our heads down, get to heaven and it's nothing matters.

1672
01:52:54.920 --> 01:52:55.920
Like I, yeah.

1673
01:52:55.920 --> 01:52:59.920
So I think that's something too that I've seen like have a positive effect.

1674
01:52:59.920 --> 01:53:05.920
And yeah, but I mean, as you can tell, like I sent you a picture of my flowers

1675
01:53:05.920 --> 01:53:11.920
that, that died, like, obviously like there's things that we all do.

1676
01:53:13.920 --> 01:53:17.920
I have to, I've tried so hard on my plants this year and some of them die.

1677
01:53:18.120 --> 01:53:19.120
I'm just like, I'm sorry.

1678
01:53:19.120 --> 01:53:20.120
I'm so sorry.

1679
01:53:20.120 --> 01:53:21.120
I tried.

1680
01:53:23.120 --> 01:53:27.120
So anyways, but that, I just wanted to share that because I just wanted to tell you that

1681
01:53:27.120 --> 01:53:31.120
I feel like that's something that was, that was a positive thing.

1682
01:53:31.120 --> 01:53:35.120
It's like the way that I do things like animals and plants.

1683
01:53:35.120 --> 01:53:36.120
That's great.

1684
01:53:36.120 --> 01:53:37.120
Yeah.

1685
01:53:39.120 --> 01:53:40.120
It's true.

1686
01:53:40.120 --> 01:53:41.120
Yeah.

1687
01:53:41.120 --> 01:53:45.120
And when we value ourselves, it changes the value that we see in other things and other

1688
01:53:45.320 --> 01:53:51.320
people, like you said, in animals and objects, we, we, and so, which is fascinating

1689
01:53:51.320 --> 01:53:55.320
because then it reveals that people who don't treat things as valuable with how they

1690
01:53:55.320 --> 01:54:00.320
think about themselves, you know, like, oh, so that's the opposite of that.

1691
01:54:00.320 --> 01:54:01.320
Yeah.

1692
01:54:01.320 --> 01:54:02.320
Or that's how I used to be.

1693
01:54:02.320 --> 01:54:06.320
And I must've felt, I must've like really hated myself if that's how I acted or

1694
01:54:06.320 --> 01:54:07.320
that's what I thought of it.

1695
01:54:07.320 --> 01:54:08.320
So, yeah.

1696
01:54:08.320 --> 01:54:09.320
Yeah.

1697
01:54:09.320 --> 01:54:11.320
Well, it's good to talk to you, Laurie.

1698
01:54:11.320 --> 01:54:12.320
I'm glad that it worked out.

1699
01:54:12.520 --> 01:54:16.520
I hope it was helpful and gave you some like starter conversations with the

1700
01:54:16.520 --> 01:54:17.520
board.

1701
01:54:17.520 --> 01:54:18.520
It was.

1702
01:54:18.520 --> 01:54:19.520
Thank you so much, Ashley.

1703
01:54:19.520 --> 01:54:20.520
I really appreciate it.

1704
01:54:20.520 --> 01:54:21.520
And I'm sorry.

1705
01:54:21.520 --> 01:54:22.520
I don't know.

1706
01:54:22.520 --> 01:54:23.520
Oh, seven.

1707
01:54:23.520 --> 01:54:24.520
Keep us going.

1708
01:54:24.520 --> 01:54:25.520
That's, it's all on me.

1709
01:54:25.520 --> 01:54:26.520
So I, it's all within my control.

1710
01:54:26.520 --> 01:54:27.520
What's up, Brian?

1711
01:54:27.520 --> 01:54:28.520
I said, hi.

1712
01:54:28.520 --> 01:54:29.520
I'm kind of curious what he's been up to.

1713
01:54:29.520 --> 01:54:30.520
I've been hearing some things.

1714
01:54:31.520 --> 01:54:32.520
Let's get to see you, Laurie.

1715
01:54:32.520 --> 01:54:33.520
Thank you so much.

1716
01:54:33.520 --> 01:54:34.520
You're welcome.

1717
01:54:34.520 --> 01:54:35.520
Bye.

1718
01:54:35.520 --> 01:54:36.520
Bye.

1719
01:54:36.520 --> 01:54:37.520
Bye.

1720
01:54:37.520 --> 01:54:38.520
Okay.

1721
01:54:38.520 --> 01:54:39.520
Bye.

1722
01:54:39.520 --> 01:54:40.520
Bye.

1723
01:54:40.520 --> 01:54:41.520
Bye.

1724
01:54:41.520 --> 01:54:42.520
Bye.

1725
01:54:42.520 --> 01:54:43.520
Bye.

1726
01:54:43.520 --> 01:54:44.520
Bye.

1727
01:54:44.520 --> 01:54:45.520
Bye.

1728
01:54:45.520 --> 01:54:46.520
Bye.

1729
01:54:46.520 --> 01:54:47.520
Bye.

1730
01:54:47.520 --> 01:54:48.520
Bye.

1731
01:54:48.520 --> 01:54:49.520
Bye.

1732
01:54:49.520 --> 01:54:50.520
Bye.

1733
01:54:50.520 --> 01:54:51.520
Bye.

1734
01:54:51.520 --> 01:54:52.520
Bye.

1735
01:54:52.520 --> 01:54:53.520
Bye.

1736
01:54:53.520 --> 01:54:54.520
Bye.

1737
01:54:54.520 --> 01:54:55.520
Bye.

1738
01:54:55.520 --> 01:54:56.520
Bye.

1739
01:54:56.520 --> 01:54:57.520
Bye.

1740
01:54:57.520 --> 01:54:58.520
Bye.

1741
01:54:58.520 --> 01:54:59.520
Bye.