WEBVTT

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it lovely um good to be with you guys we're in the zoom room so come jump on board with us in the

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zoom room we're uh looking forward to sharing this adventure here we go

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it's all happening well whether you are live or whether you're delayed it's a delight to be

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sharing this moment um yeah we're looking forward to it hey looking forward to a beautiful journey

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together and we'll just uh hang out here for a while um for a moment wait for some of you guys

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to jump on board i know that everyone's crazy excited about joining this adventure

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so in this

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sorry there we go really i'm throwing this right

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in this particular

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um

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episode episode do you call it we are going to be sharing our love story

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setting the scene for marriage yeah totally um so yeah um it's gonna be it's gonna be a good

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adventure we are going to do seven seven part series on the seven sacred pathways to intimacy

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and then we uh um have got some other cool things in store which we're not going to break the

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silence on all of that right now um but our book is coming out

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next week there it is there it is yeah sweet so

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um there we are see someone there um in facebook world hello hello feel free to jump in the zoom

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guys um and join us here and i just sent that email so you gotta be just finding out now that

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we're live so yeah um hit the hit the link come join us in the come join us in the zoom room for

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a little bit more of a personal experience um if you're in facebook world definitely say hello

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so we can see who's hanging out with us there um and hey lisa in the uk good to have you with us

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michelle good morning great to have you there in the facebook world beautiful

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so as we um as we start why don't you drop in the why don't you drop in the comments

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what is your relationship status

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what's your relationship status so let us know in the comments um where you're at what's your

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relationship status are you single are you are you single and not eligible put us up with uh

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some possible relationship statuses babe uh single and ready to mingle oh single and ready to mingle

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yes or uh dating and ready to mingle how extreme do you want these to be

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okay lisa says divorce okay so yeah um

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so um

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just yeah just let us know what your relationship status is and we are going to um jump into this

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uh in a second so um

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all right well uh let's here we go um married michelle's married so it's cool

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for us just to kind of connect in on where people's relationship statuses are at um

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as we go on to the journey so let's um let's share

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that is all right i'm going to pray and then uh and then we will i'm just going to do one

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tech thing before i pray um one second here

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okay cool well papa i thank you so much for this beautiful journey into the seven sacred

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pathways to intimacy i thank you for the beautiful journey into um into marriage and

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the beautiful journey into the depths of the intimacy that you have for us i thank you for

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every person's place in this journey i thank you for every um where everyone is at and i just

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thank you for surrounding every person with your love and your comfort and your tenderness

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right now as we talk about the deep things of the heart as we talk about our dreams and longings for

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intimacy but i just thank you for your grace your kindness your love and your tenderness

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wrapping around us as we go into the deep parts of the heart i just thank you lord for just your

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your love your compassion your goodness your kindness filling into our hearts and filling

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into the parts of brokenness into the places of longing and in every part of our hearts and lord

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we thank you as well for the beauty of marriage we thank you for the wonderful gift of intimacy

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and we thank you for uh breathing into our hearts and minds and helping us to dream

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for intimacy like never before amen beautiful okay so um we're gonna start with

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a little bit of backstory for you guys on where it all began for us so babe um

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i i did lots of talking why don't we start with you

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why don't we start with you and you know just kind of growing up what was home like what was

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your just a little bit of your um your story yeah so um i grew up in a christian family pretty

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conservative christian family um with parents who i think showed a really good example of what

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marriage would look like um and yeah i don't really have much to say like i think i had a

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pretty good sheltered childhood yeah totally no big events that stood out to me um yeah yeah so

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um home life for both of us was pretty awesome in terms of mums and dads that had good marriages um

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we had we had good families and we got um charlie jumping in here so um our lives were

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you know pretty classic christian uh upbringing in the sense it wasn't really chaotic my parents

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were pastors so some of you might know i was born um in indonesia in the jungle my parents

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yeah my parents were missionaries in indonesia so i was born on the mission field they came

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back to new zealand when i was two and they were pastors so we were a ministry family we're also

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farming and we did all that so babe how about um boyfriends um i had a few blips on the horizon but

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nothing that uh obviously went this far yeah so um hey jolly welcome good to have you uh

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so in terms of boyfriends like yeah i had a couple um before benji but

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yeah physical stuff with them what was your not really not really what i'm getting at is that um

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before me you'd never been kissed right no so for me um i don't really have that much going on

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um in terms of girlfriends i wasn't really friends at school and we were pretty stoked

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just hanging out just being the boys to be honest yeah you had a pretty wild uh teenage years

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compared to me yeah um i had a couple of moments of you know parties and things like that and

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um kissing a few girls nah like nothing too extravagant a little bit of you know drunkenness

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at the surf club and a few kind of kissing moments and things like that um there but um

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when it came to girlfriends, my most serious girlfriend was a Christian girl

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and the most like full-on physical stuff that we ever did was

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you know a hug, a peck on the cheek and holding hands so it was pretty

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intense on that side of things so we were

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you could say we were really like we were good kids in that sense like we

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really behaved ourselves sexually there was nothing you know like

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going on before marriage we we thought we're doing all the right

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stuff in terms of in terms of what you do to set yourself up

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marriage we're working really hard to do that

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and this one particular so a lot of them didn't have any big

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rejection words or anything like that because she just didn't really have much

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going in terms of real and serious relationships the most serious

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guy like how many people did you have like

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that were chasing you then? A few. You had a few. A few long letters.

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A few long letters kind of you know almost marriage proposal type.

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Yeah they would have if I'd gone down that path they would have definitely

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ended in marriage but I gave them the same treatment as I gave

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you. Okay so basically Lana just turned

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everyone down. Yeah pretty much. Yeah so she did the

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same to me so I had a relationship with a lovely

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young lady but she was really not 100% sure if

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that's what she actually wanted she was like oh yeah I'm like I'm keen

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I'm not keen one day we'd be talking about wedding dresses and then the next

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day she'd be like you can't really see this working out and

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I was like huh? I was quite confused about it and it

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kind of dragged you know it went on for like 18

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months or longer and I realized it's like man if there's not a really strong

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yes then you know if there's no strong yes from her then it has to be a no

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from me because it was just this kind of awkward space

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but it was still pretty painful for me and I had I didn't want to waste

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my time or anyone else's time so I'd spend a lot of time really seeking God

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praying fasting trying to make sure that this was the

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exact will of God I didn't want to you know mess with anyone or myself I

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was just like yeah if this is going to happen we're going to get

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married and it's just got to be it's just got to be the way it is so I

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prayed I fasted I felt God said yes this is the one

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well then I you know initiated and we started a journey and we kind of wasted

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the best part of a couple of years and then ultimately nothing happened

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from it except I came away just totally like

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what God did you honestly thought you were going to marry her?

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Yeah I was convinced we were going to marry her and

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it was kind of one of those moments as well where I was like

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I was so keen on the girl that I was like you know I'll do you know I'll do

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whatever it takes to kind of get that mindset I'll do whatever it takes to

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make this happen so

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I was doing whatever I thought it would take and then it still wasn't working

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and I was like wow this is actually really dumb you know like this is not

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cool I'm doing I was like I basically got

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worn down really I was like wow this is this is actually yeah it's not

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it's not worth it you know like if this because I realized that you there's

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something you can do a lot but if it's not mutual then it's like oh at some

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point you know like it has to be mutual sooner or later because this was

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was not getting to that yeah it just wasn't getting into that place of being

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a mutual relationship so I realized man if this

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is not mutual then um I've gotta I've gotta say

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goodbye so we ended I ended that and moved on with my life but like one

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thing that was an issue for me is I couldn't trust myself

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for a while there that I actually heard God

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accurately I was like man I must be stuffing this up

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big time um if you know that so that was my thoughts my thought was that I was um

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I just stuffed it up big time in terms of hearing from God

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so um so if I was stuffing it up that bad

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that I couldn't get it right when I put so much effort into trying to hear from

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God I was like man what else have I got wrong

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so cause like when I came away from that relationship it caused me to doubt

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my own myself not necessarily God but definitely myself and so anyway

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God really sorted that out but the important part of that is that I

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put a bit of a rejection word in there for me and it set the story for

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the next part of our journey which is I um I was definitely a hundred percent

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going forward made this decision that I am not interested in any type of

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relationship unless it's absolutely mutual from the

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start so that was kind of like my

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big, that was my big decision, that was my big take away from that whole relationship. I was

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like it's got to be mutual, if it's not mutual then stuff it, I don't want it. So yeah, so babe

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what had you been praying, oh actually why don't you share like when we met, like how old were we

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when we met? Well I was 12. My little sister's friend. And the first time I met Benji was at

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his house and he was hanging out with his friends and they jumped on me because I was probably an

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annoying little sister's friend and put chips and tomato sauce in my back pockets and water over my

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and had a good old laugh at that. Hi Michelle, good to see you, good to hang out with us.

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And we obviously being friends with his sister, I was at his house and saw him quite a bit

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and then after school, he'd long finished school by then, I was working in Christian

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camping running holiday programs and that kind of thing and I used to bring Benji in to come and

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help me with that and we did missions trips and so we had had a lot to do with each other over

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the years. Yeah especially like. So I knew him pretty well and I knew that I didn't want to marry

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him. But like you pray something specific that's just, who prays this? Who even does that? God

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please don't let me marry anyone like Benji. They should actually pray that you know like.

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Because also I grew up in a really conservative

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household. Dutch reformed church. Strongly Dutch reformed. And then there's Benji and he's like

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off the other end of the scale and I just didn't know how they would mesh. Clash you mean.

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Yeah. So that was a big.

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Yeah just seeing Selena's comments on Facebook. Yeah I went for my sister's friend.

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Yeah so all you Facebook people who are watching on Facebook as well, feel free to get chatty

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so we know you're there. If you've got questions, drop them because we'll try and make sure we're

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watching the Facebook comments and chats as well as being present here in the Zoom. So

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Alana and I had done a bunch of stuff. We're both from the same town obviously.

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I moved away so I hadn't seen her for ages. I went down south. I did my outdoor rec training

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and some things like that and a bunch of missions and kind of ended up back in town. We're in our

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old town and she was like she said running Christian camping and so she was doing that.

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I was running missions. We kind of did a bunch of stuff together where she was coming on our

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mission trips and we went to Thailand and saw this crazy outpouring over there which was awesome.

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Hi Bridget. So and then we were seeing it was actually really really exciting time actually

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because when we're doing the Christian camping time it was a time where we were really starting

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to get some of the initial break frees in the supernatural. So we would have at the camps

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the kids would go together. We'd say right we'll put the kids that needed prayer healing in the

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middle of the circle. Everyone else would stand around the outside of the circle. Yeah well we

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put them on one side of the room then we'd pray and whoever did once you know once they got healed

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they came onto this side and then everyone got prayed again and we would just like like keep

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doing that until pretty much everyone got healed. So we were seeing these like epic outpourings of

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the camps, epic outpourings of missions. Like crazy supernatural stuff was going down. It was

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wild. We were like in a real epic outpouring time and then I moved away down south again to Te Anau

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where I had felt God just calling me since I was 17. So when I did go down to Te Anau I was at 25

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and I went down there and I'd just broken it off with this girl as well. So we so I went down there

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I was had like a little bit of that broken kind of like a little bit of that rejection vibe going on

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in my heart. Not super strong like and I think you guys kind of get a picture of us. We're both

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really really fun people. We were both key leaders like Alana was probably you know one of the main

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key leaders in the Christian ministry there. She brought you know all these people together.

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Hundreds of kids led to Jesus. So Alana is a really strong leader in that space as well and

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in training awesome leaders and I was a leader and so we always had a real fun dynamic.

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big dreams kind of just fun energy and um good adventures we always like doing adventures so

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let's kind of just look a little bit about us so i went down to teano started um the kind of

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the church plant down there and um then we um hey hey tyler my man good to see you um

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um then alana came down to the church uh she would why don't you say a little bit about

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you don't have to go too in depth because we'll cover that story coming up so i've been working

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in christian camping and just through a series of things that happened while i was there i got

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really burnt out um and i was pretty much at the bottom of every barrel and um i was also living

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at home with my parents so there was expectations about the church i would attend um the activities

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that i would do that kind of thing and so i just really felt like i had to get out of that

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um and that was probably the most intense arguments i've ever had well probably almost

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the only arguments i've ever had with my dad um but anyway long story short i ended up going down

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to tiana where i felt like god was sending me i had these really clear um things that god was

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saying go to tiana um tell us one of those stories that was a cool one so one day i was

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clearing our resource room at camp and i was just picking up stacks of paper and throwing them in

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the bin or sorting them out or whatever it was and out fell this little piece of card about that

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big with um a cutout of a piece of map which was tiana and then it had um for i know the plans i

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have for you um above verse on it and that card just fell out and in that moment i was praying

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00:21:42.720 --> 00:21:49.680
like and i really need to go to tiana and then that so i was having real obvious stuff like that

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that you couldn't deny um and then on the other hand i'm like trying to battle my dad to let me

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go because i know that's where i'm meant to be and then he doesn't believe that god could be

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telling me so clearly um so anyway i end up down in tiana about six months after bg um just i i

213
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literally needed to go somewhere i could sit on the couch and watch birds out the window like where

214
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i couldn't get a job where there was no expectation placed on me to do certain things or um that kind

215
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of thing so i did and and the church actually was amazing allowing me to like giving me the space

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and we when i went down our pastor john said to me we know you've been running this amazing

217
00:22:30.320 --> 00:22:34.480
ministry but we don't want you to do anything like we're not going to ask you to do anything

218
00:22:34.480 --> 00:22:40.000
when you're ready you you will choose what you want to do um so that was really freeing for me

219
00:22:40.000 --> 00:22:46.960
but yeah i went down there just because one i couldn't get a job to uh to escape expectations

220
00:22:46.960 --> 00:22:56.080
and things like that and just to have a bit of a break to try and recuperate yeah so this year's um

221
00:22:57.040 --> 00:22:57.540
and

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00:23:01.840 --> 00:23:06.800
where were we i guess what happened right here's what happened here's what happened that was really

223
00:23:07.600 --> 00:23:15.760
really got me upset i think maybe maybe before i tell you about what got me really upset um

224
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i'll just share with you we always had really good fun together so alana something i just enjoyed

225
00:23:22.800 --> 00:23:27.200
about alana is that we could have fun doing what we were doing so it was really easy to have fun

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00:23:27.200 --> 00:23:31.280
with her so when i was having a day off or something like that we would connect sometimes

227
00:23:31.280 --> 00:23:37.520
not all the time but we connect sometimes and um i there was a lot of stuff that i just liked about

228
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it just because she'd been a friend for years i've known her since she was 12 years old we

229
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know each other forever and she's down in this town we didn't have heaps of mates down there

230
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we had a handful but i was like yeah she's cool fun hanging around with but i knew she wasn't

231
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interested in me and that was just fine that was totally fine with me and i would have been happy

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if that just carried on um just being like that forever i would not have minded but then this

233
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thing that i did mind this thing that started happening started happening which i was really

234
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got me actually quite like tipped off and i was hoping it would just fade but i started getting

235
00:24:16.080 --> 00:24:23.920
this crush on alana which i just wish i didn't have it and there was a couple of reasons why i

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00:24:23.920 --> 00:24:30.640
was awkward it was awkward because i was the pastor and i didn't didn't know how you were

237
00:24:30.640 --> 00:24:36.080
supposed to behave if you're the pastor and you've got a crush on one of the people in the church

238
00:24:36.080 --> 00:24:41.680
now awkward things happen sometimes as a pastor between the pastor and the congregation like just

239
00:24:41.680 --> 00:24:45.600
you know sometimes there's awkward things let me tell you this is just funny like this is a funny

240
00:24:45.600 --> 00:24:51.840
thing about an awkward moment as a pastor right so here's an awkward moment as a pastor i used to

241
00:24:51.840 --> 00:24:58.480
play rugby as well so play rugby you do your rugby game after that everyone has naked showers so

242
00:24:58.480 --> 00:24:59.840
there's like 40

243
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.920
naked dudes in the showers at, you know,

244
00:25:03.920 --> 00:25:05.280
you know, in the, in the rugby club.

245
00:25:05.280 --> 00:25:06.840
So you've got like 40 naked dudes,

246
00:25:06.840 --> 00:25:07.680
you know, both teams,

247
00:25:07.680 --> 00:25:10.680
all of this kind of like industrial style,

248
00:25:10.680 --> 00:25:12.360
massive shower that's, you know,

249
00:25:12.360 --> 00:25:14.760
like 30, 40 meters long.

250
00:25:14.760 --> 00:25:15.600
It's just,

251
00:25:16.600 --> 00:25:17.560
so you've got this,

252
00:25:17.560 --> 00:25:18.720
but it's kind of awkward, right?

253
00:25:18.720 --> 00:25:22.080
Because sometimes people from church play rugby too.

254
00:25:22.080 --> 00:25:24.920
So on Saturday, you're hanging out naked in the shower,

255
00:25:24.920 --> 00:25:27.160
and then on Sunday, you're preaching.

256
00:25:27.160 --> 00:25:28.000
It's like,

257
00:25:28.000 --> 00:25:30.000
whoa, there we are, there we are,

258
00:25:30.000 --> 00:25:32.360
I'll see you tomorrow, maybe I'll help you up to the other,

259
00:25:32.360 --> 00:25:35.160
you know, I've got a really good sermon coming along.

260
00:25:35.160 --> 00:25:37.840
So that's like, that's an awkward moment as a pastor,

261
00:25:37.840 --> 00:25:39.160
right, that's an awkward moment.

262
00:25:39.160 --> 00:25:41.560
Like one day you're hanging out naked,

263
00:25:41.560 --> 00:25:43.960
the next day you're in church preaching.

264
00:25:43.960 --> 00:25:45.280
Well, even more,

265
00:25:45.280 --> 00:25:47.440
so even more awkward than that, right?

266
00:25:47.440 --> 00:25:52.440
Even more awkward than that is if you get a crush

267
00:25:52.600 --> 00:25:54.400
on someone in,

268
00:25:54.400 --> 00:25:58.640
a crush on someone in the congregation, okay?

269
00:25:58.640 --> 00:26:02.200
Naked showers with the boys is less awkward

270
00:26:02.200 --> 00:26:05.560
than having a crush on one of the girls in your church.

271
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So,

272
00:26:07.680 --> 00:26:09.040
but there it was,

273
00:26:09.040 --> 00:26:11.040
I started getting this crush on Lana,

274
00:26:11.040 --> 00:26:13.360
and I knew she didn't like me, right?

275
00:26:13.360 --> 00:26:16.080
I knew she didn't like me,

276
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and so that really frustrated me

277
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because my whole idea going forward

278
00:26:20.520 --> 00:26:22.560
after my last relationship didn't work out,

279
00:26:22.560 --> 00:26:26.320
my whole idea was, okay, going forward,

280
00:26:26.320 --> 00:26:27.840
it has to be mutual.

281
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That was the one requirement,

282
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I was like, ah!

283
00:26:31.800 --> 00:26:35.080
So here I was in this place where I was like,

284
00:26:35.080 --> 00:26:37.320
no, this is so dumb,

285
00:26:37.320 --> 00:26:40.240
I've got a crush that I never asked for.

286
00:26:40.240 --> 00:26:42.320
Like, I wasn't trying to get this crush,

287
00:26:42.320 --> 00:26:44.800
I wasn't like, you know, I was just like,

288
00:26:44.800 --> 00:26:47.000
no, I had this crush and I hated it.

289
00:26:48.120 --> 00:26:50.960
But then there was one thing that was worse

290
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than just having this crush,

291
00:26:52.800 --> 00:26:56.520
is that it started getting so intense that I couldn't sleep.

292
00:26:56.520 --> 00:27:01.520
Like, I was up in the night losing sleep over this crush,

293
00:27:03.080 --> 00:27:06.480
and because I got up early in the morning to pray,

294
00:27:06.480 --> 00:27:08.240
like, my sleep was so sacred

295
00:27:08.240 --> 00:27:10.120
because I was always getting up so early to pray,

296
00:27:10.120 --> 00:27:12.400
I was like, no, like, ah, this is,

297
00:27:12.400 --> 00:27:14.680
like, it was starting to mess with my life,

298
00:27:14.680 --> 00:27:16.200
and I didn't want to deal with it,

299
00:27:16.200 --> 00:27:17.600
but then it was like,

300
00:27:17.600 --> 00:27:20.080
it starts getting consuming, this crush on the inside,

301
00:27:20.200 --> 00:27:21.640
and I was like, ah, what am I gonna do?

302
00:27:21.640 --> 00:27:24.640
Like, I have to deal with myself.

303
00:27:24.640 --> 00:27:27.320
I was like, oh, man, so I'm just gonna talk with her

304
00:27:27.320 --> 00:27:29.000
or something, just,

305
00:27:29.880 --> 00:27:32.240
and I was like, ah, she's just gonna shoot me down,

306
00:27:32.240 --> 00:27:34.200
so I can, like, I guess,

307
00:27:34.200 --> 00:27:36.480
and I guess what I was thinking to myself is,

308
00:27:36.480 --> 00:27:39.160
okay, fine, I'll talk,

309
00:27:39.160 --> 00:27:42.520
I'll talk with Alana, and then she can shoot me down,

310
00:27:42.520 --> 00:27:44.120
and then I can lick my wounds

311
00:27:44.120 --> 00:27:46.640
and just pick up the pieces and deal with the mess

312
00:27:46.640 --> 00:27:49.160
and the awkwardness of having been shot down

313
00:27:49.160 --> 00:27:51.200
and the awkwardness of having a crush on someone,

314
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the awkwardness of getting rejected,

315
00:27:52.840 --> 00:27:54.520
all of this dumb stuff, I was like,

316
00:27:54.520 --> 00:27:57.280
oh, right, we'll just deal with it.

317
00:27:57.280 --> 00:28:01.560
So I invited her for an adventure,

318
00:28:01.560 --> 00:28:02.600
and I was like, well,

319
00:28:02.600 --> 00:28:04.240
I've got to at least kind of try a little bit,

320
00:28:04.240 --> 00:28:08.040
so, you know, like, I'm probably gonna get shut down,

321
00:28:08.040 --> 00:28:10.920
but I may as well make, you know,

322
00:28:10.920 --> 00:28:12.520
have a good, let's have a good little adventure,

323
00:28:12.520 --> 00:28:13.440
and she can shoot me down,

324
00:28:13.440 --> 00:28:15.360
and I'll sort my life out after that.

325
00:28:15.360 --> 00:28:19.960
So I was not confident, I was not expecting,

326
00:28:19.960 --> 00:28:22.600
all I was really thinking was gonna happen is

327
00:28:22.600 --> 00:28:24.880
I'm about to make a fool of myself,

328
00:28:24.880 --> 00:28:27.560
but the benefit is gonna be

329
00:28:27.560 --> 00:28:29.520
that after this, I'll be able to sleep.

330
00:28:29.520 --> 00:28:31.320
So that, to me, was gonna be the prize,

331
00:28:31.320 --> 00:28:33.000
and worst case scenario was

332
00:28:33.000 --> 00:28:35.400
I'm gonna be able to sleep again.

333
00:28:35.400 --> 00:28:40.080
So I took Alana for an adventure, it was quite cool,

334
00:28:40.080 --> 00:28:42.200
quite a cool adventure, we went hunting.

335
00:28:42.200 --> 00:28:44.800
So I got a gun, I got a four-wheel drive,

336
00:28:45.600 --> 00:28:47.400
where we lived was Fiordland, right?

337
00:28:47.400 --> 00:28:49.280
So where we lived, like, that was,

338
00:28:50.320 --> 00:28:52.360
it was a tiny little town in the mountains,

339
00:28:52.360 --> 00:28:54.400
so you couldn't really go out.

340
00:28:54.400 --> 00:28:56.120
And I'd been out hunting with the boys before.

341
00:28:56.120 --> 00:28:58.040
Yeah, she'd been out hunting with me.

342
00:28:58.040 --> 00:29:00.320
It was kind of a thing, you know, like,

343
00:29:00.320 --> 00:29:02.080
as friends, that was something that we would do,

344
00:29:02.080 --> 00:29:03.200
because the hunting was pretty cool,

345
00:29:03.200 --> 00:29:05.360
because, like, the mountains are stunning,

346
00:29:05.360 --> 00:29:07.880
just, like, so insanely beautiful down there.

347
00:29:07.880 --> 00:29:09.600
So you're basically going for a walk

348
00:29:09.600 --> 00:29:11.560
with a gun somewhere amazing.

349
00:29:11.560 --> 00:29:12.400
So that's-

350
00:29:12.400 --> 00:29:13.760
People often have a gun and I have a camera.

351
00:29:13.840 --> 00:29:16.520
Yeah, so, you know, we've done that before.

352
00:29:16.520 --> 00:29:18.000
So we go for this cool adventure,

353
00:29:18.000 --> 00:29:20.080
we get up onto the mountaintop, stunning,

354
00:29:20.080 --> 00:29:23.440
bit of snow, amazing scenery.

355
00:29:23.440 --> 00:29:26.920
The place is just spectacular.

356
00:29:26.920 --> 00:29:28.440
Hi, Sakani!

357
00:29:31.080 --> 00:29:33.000
Welcome, good to have you jumping in here.

358
00:29:33.000 --> 00:29:34.640
Hey, Kat, good to have you.

359
00:29:37.960 --> 00:29:41.240
So there we are, we go on our date,

360
00:29:41.240 --> 00:29:42.840
and it's not really supposed to be

361
00:29:42.840 --> 00:29:43.840
too much of a date, right?

362
00:29:43.840 --> 00:29:47.920
Because we're not, like, we're not going out.

363
00:29:47.920 --> 00:29:51.600
So it's not supposed to be too datey.

364
00:29:51.600 --> 00:29:54.360
It was just supposed to be something that

365
00:29:54.360 --> 00:29:55.200
we were going to have, you know,

366
00:29:55.200 --> 00:29:56.880
like, just have a little bit of a-

367
00:29:56.880 --> 00:29:58.000
Opportunity for a chat.

368
00:29:58.000 --> 00:29:58.960
Yeah, time to hang out.

369
00:29:58.960 --> 00:30:00.080
And honestly, where we-

370
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:07.920
were like fjordland you couldn't go bowling you couldn't go out you know somewhere fancy

371
00:30:08.560 --> 00:30:14.080
you couldn't go well you could go to the movies if they were open really it was surrounded by

372
00:30:14.080 --> 00:30:19.840
mountains 1.2 million hectares of basically walking with a guy walking without a gun

373
00:30:19.840 --> 00:30:24.160
yeah so which one are you gonna have so ah welcome my friend good to have you with us

374
00:30:24.160 --> 00:30:35.040
um so hey hey um so i'm just uh

375
00:30:37.920 --> 00:30:43.840
yeah so there we were we went on our uh we went on our walk it was so beautiful the the evening

376
00:30:43.840 --> 00:30:50.480
was amazing um we got back down to the car park and like where we parked the car as well was in a

377
00:30:50.480 --> 00:30:57.680
you know it's kind of a remote area there's like a little hut there for people to stay at um so

378
00:30:58.720 --> 00:31:04.480
um yeah that's right i just see selena's comments yeah she couldn't escape i had you know i had the

379
00:31:04.480 --> 00:31:09.760
keys to the truck um we're out in the wilderness yeah there's no real escape plan for her so

380
00:31:09.760 --> 00:31:15.040
um we've taken some food out there i had some steaks and i cooked up some steaks we're out in

381
00:31:15.040 --> 00:31:22.400
this nice little hut and then um the steak was really oh my gosh it was the worst steak of my

382
00:31:22.400 --> 00:31:28.080
life i couldn't believe it the meal was terrible it was horrendous i don't think i was like we

383
00:31:28.080 --> 00:31:35.440
didn't eat it i don't think we ate i was so bad i was like oh my gosh this was like the worst it

384
00:31:35.440 --> 00:31:40.640
was one of the worst things i've ever cooked i was like how can someone how can the state be

385
00:31:40.640 --> 00:31:44.960
so bad but the state was terrible so anyway we kind of ate you know like our broccoli

386
00:31:46.400 --> 00:31:53.680
we was like uh we had some broccoli uh we had a couple of other things but um

387
00:31:55.040 --> 00:31:59.280
i see rachel saying dream date yeah it was not really a dream date it wasn't

388
00:31:59.280 --> 00:32:05.680
like it wasn't supposed to be too too romantic that was kind of like it wasn't supposed to be

389
00:32:05.680 --> 00:32:10.240
so like too romantic it's kind of supposed to be like we're hanging out like normal and then

390
00:32:10.240 --> 00:32:14.560
i'm going to have a chat to her so it was pretty much like that it was pretty much like the normal

391
00:32:14.560 --> 00:32:20.160
type of thing we would do if we were hanging out and then um at the same time i like my heart's

392
00:32:20.160 --> 00:32:24.880
racing because i'm like okay i've got to talk to her about this like it's getting awkward now

393
00:32:24.880 --> 00:32:30.080
we you know like the steak was supposed to help like warm things up but it was terrible the steak

394
00:32:30.080 --> 00:32:36.000
didn't help at all um so yeah so it hadn't been awkward it had just been kind of like a normal

395
00:32:36.000 --> 00:32:39.920
hangout it would be fun it'd be a cool adventure and then i kind of get to the moment where i'm

396
00:32:39.920 --> 00:32:45.040
like okay right i've now i've got to actually make it awkward so i'm gonna sit in there hmm

397
00:32:45.040 --> 00:32:50.480
wow wasn't that steak terrible yeah kind of looking at her nicely and then i'm like oh i've

398
00:32:50.480 --> 00:32:57.600
just got to talk to her it's like i what i said to her is like it's okay alana how would you feel

399
00:32:58.240 --> 00:33:04.400
if i was to pursue you romantically i'm not interested

400
00:33:06.960 --> 00:33:16.160
stone cold shutdown like stone cold killer i like you as a friend like it was an assertive no

401
00:33:16.160 --> 00:33:24.240
right it was a it was a seriously assertive no and it went exactly according to what i expected

402
00:33:24.240 --> 00:33:30.560
exactly what i expected right i put it out there nicely gently and even you know kind of even

403
00:33:31.280 --> 00:33:38.400
i thought kind of nice like it's not like it's not a terrible um this is not like ladies for

404
00:33:38.400 --> 00:33:45.840
example ladies are out there um you know just like asking her hey how would you feel if i was

405
00:33:45.840 --> 00:33:51.600
to pursue you romantically not a terrible question to be asked right if you're a single lady who's

406
00:33:51.600 --> 00:33:58.160
definitely uh ready to mingle but you know he's definitely keen to get married um who's definitely

407
00:33:58.160 --> 00:34:03.680
like i want i want relationship you know that's me and then to get asked that it's not a terrible

408
00:34:03.680 --> 00:34:12.800
question to be asked right no but anyway for alana boom like stone cold killer and aggressive

409
00:34:12.800 --> 00:34:19.440
no it wasn't like mild i was like benji let me really help you out with this absolutely not like

410
00:34:19.440 --> 00:34:27.120
it was firm it was clear there was no way that i could be confused at all about what she was saying

411
00:34:27.120 --> 00:34:33.120
it was like whoa okay but at the same time that's kind of what i expected the whole way

412
00:34:34.400 --> 00:34:40.320
anyway so i was like okay now i can like this is what we're this is this has gone exactly to what

413
00:34:40.320 --> 00:34:45.920
i thought was going to go and now i can just start picking up the pieces licking my wounds

414
00:34:46.480 --> 00:34:52.800
and patch my life up then like while i was right at the bottom i just felt the holy spirit say

415
00:34:52.800 --> 00:34:59.120
just ask her this one question which wasn't supposed to be it wasn't supposed to be a comeback

416
00:34:59.120 --> 00:34:59.840
right it wasn't supposed

417
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.440
to do anything it was just supposed to give me some a little bit of feedback right you know like

418
00:35:05.440 --> 00:35:12.800
do I have BO you know like do I have bad manners like am I just like you know I'm a single guy it's

419
00:35:12.800 --> 00:35:18.000
probably not a bad moment to get some input from the female world on what's wrong with me you know

420
00:35:18.000 --> 00:35:25.120
like what do I need to sort out for you know going forward and so I was like okay you know so um so

421
00:35:25.120 --> 00:35:32.320
this is the question that I said to ask me he said ask her what would be the main reasons why

422
00:35:32.320 --> 00:35:39.840
you wouldn't want a relationship with me so I just asked her that okay and I wasn't trying to

423
00:35:39.840 --> 00:35:46.240
I wasn't trying to change her no to a yes I was just trying to get some

424
00:35:47.120 --> 00:35:51.520
honest feedback that I can take away do some personal development sort my life out

425
00:35:51.520 --> 00:35:54.880
I can't remember what I said

426
00:35:58.560 --> 00:36:02.720
I don't remember the whole conversation that followed it was about two hours long

427
00:36:04.240 --> 00:36:10.720
it was about a two hour long conversation actually and she brought up um clear objections reasons

428
00:36:10.720 --> 00:36:15.680
why talk about your family how that wasn't a go talk a little bit about how I was like a crazy

429
00:36:16.320 --> 00:36:24.640
revivalist like way out the gate um supernatural type vibes bear in mind though that Lana has

430
00:36:24.640 --> 00:36:31.680
grown up with a seer gift so supernatural she's more naturally engaged with the supernatural than

431
00:36:31.680 --> 00:36:39.280
I than I am um so she's used to seeing angels demons that type of thing in the spirit whereas

432
00:36:39.280 --> 00:36:49.760
for me um like I've never seen like she sees so um so even though I'm like crazy kind of revivalist

433
00:36:49.760 --> 00:36:55.360
guy and doing lots of speaking and things like that and she's you know she's still well acquainted

434
00:36:55.360 --> 00:37:02.640
with the supernatural just kind of from a very conservative family so anyway we talked about

435
00:37:02.640 --> 00:37:07.680
that we talked about the issues of family and like a cultural dynamics a few other things

436
00:37:07.760 --> 00:37:12.480
anyway went on for a couple of hours which is longer than I anticipated right so um

437
00:37:13.920 --> 00:37:23.360
uh then what happened at the end of that two hours it went from a slight a complete

438
00:37:24.160 --> 00:37:33.680
no toward the end of that two hours we knew we were getting married and did we talk about dates

439
00:37:34.480 --> 00:37:41.040
the next day we we talked to the date and we came up with a date that would be a good date

440
00:37:41.920 --> 00:37:49.040
for the following year and we got married on that date may 29th straight after the next day

441
00:37:49.040 --> 00:37:56.560
we did it was the next day I it was the next day and I booked the um I booked the church out

442
00:37:57.520 --> 00:38:02.480
that's like way before we got engaged or anything just so that the church was free

443
00:38:03.120 --> 00:38:14.160
um so yeah so we went from like a straight no way not interested to within two hours it was

444
00:38:14.160 --> 00:38:19.920
we're getting married and it wasn't just like I think it was like the veils were lifted

445
00:38:20.000 --> 00:38:26.240
it was all of a sudden we saw clearly it was literally there was this crazy supernatural

446
00:38:26.240 --> 00:38:32.800
dynamic to our conversation as well right where yeah like a lot of things as we were chatting

447
00:38:33.840 --> 00:38:42.960
um we fell actually did but as we were chatting over that two hours

448
00:38:43.920 --> 00:38:51.440
we this actually happened that at the it was like a veil got taken off our eyes and we saw

449
00:38:51.440 --> 00:38:59.280
each other like we'd never seen each other before and it was a hundred percent mutual and

450
00:39:00.960 --> 00:39:11.360
it was it was wild we were like we were just both staring each other like what is happening

451
00:39:12.240 --> 00:39:19.840
um it was so for us that it was just crazy that's where um that's where it was it was like

452
00:39:22.720 --> 00:39:29.760
we were mind we were mind blown we were in like gobsmacked in all like well and

453
00:39:29.760 --> 00:39:34.880
I went from like a crush that I didn't want and getting ready to just kind of let my wounds to

454
00:39:35.840 --> 00:39:46.720
and Alana went from this guy is such a like well not interested to both of us just giggly in love

455
00:39:49.360 --> 00:39:55.280
um so and we waited six months till we got married out of respect for my parents because

456
00:39:55.280 --> 00:39:59.760
Dan had always said you need to date at least a year so you see each other in every circumstance

457
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.640
And yeah, it was after six months we got engaged

458
00:40:04.640 --> 00:40:06.280
and then 10 weeks later we were married.

459
00:40:06.280 --> 00:40:07.120
Yeah.

460
00:40:07.120 --> 00:40:08.240
Yeah, so.

461
00:40:08.240 --> 00:40:10.240
So that was cool.

462
00:40:10.240 --> 00:40:13.480
Any questions from you guys from there?

463
00:40:13.480 --> 00:40:16.680
Let me just, I see a bunch of comments here.

464
00:40:16.680 --> 00:40:18.120
The Facebook world.

465
00:40:20.720 --> 00:40:22.840
Yeah, that was a fast turnaround.

466
00:40:22.840 --> 00:40:25.560
What changed Alana's mind?

467
00:40:25.560 --> 00:40:28.400
I think I brought up all the issues that I had

468
00:40:29.400 --> 00:40:33.520
or the things that were kind of maybe not interested.

469
00:40:33.520 --> 00:40:35.200
And in that conversation,

470
00:40:35.200 --> 00:40:38.880
he was able to sort of appease those worries, fears,

471
00:40:38.880 --> 00:40:40.440
whatever you want to call them.

472
00:40:41.640 --> 00:40:44.040
But I can't actually remember what my issues were

473
00:40:44.040 --> 00:40:45.040
and what he said.

474
00:40:45.040 --> 00:40:46.800
I honestly, that whole conversation,

475
00:40:46.800 --> 00:40:48.400
I just have no memory of.

476
00:40:48.400 --> 00:40:49.400
I drugged her.

477
00:40:49.400 --> 00:40:50.880
It was a mistake.

478
00:40:52.880 --> 00:40:55.480
Yeah, there was something going on with the state.

479
00:40:55.480 --> 00:40:58.320
There was something in the state.

480
00:40:58.600 --> 00:41:00.920
So that was,

481
00:41:03.720 --> 00:41:05.120
I think it was a combination, right?

482
00:41:05.120 --> 00:41:09.280
I think it was a combination of the,

483
00:41:12.800 --> 00:41:14.360
like the natural side of things,

484
00:41:14.360 --> 00:41:17.720
but then it was also like God pranked us.

485
00:41:19.480 --> 00:41:20.800
We've been laughing at maybe you.

486
00:41:20.800 --> 00:41:21.720
Yeah.

487
00:41:21.720 --> 00:41:24.040
So we still joke about this,

488
00:41:24.040 --> 00:41:26.640
how when Alana tells people,

489
00:41:26.640 --> 00:41:28.440
I pray that God,

490
00:41:28.440 --> 00:41:31.560
pray God don't let me ever marry anyone like Benji.

491
00:41:31.560 --> 00:41:33.480
So instead of marrying anyone like Benji,

492
00:41:33.480 --> 00:41:34.720
she got the original.

493
00:41:36.760 --> 00:41:37.800
So, yeah.

494
00:41:37.800 --> 00:41:42.800
So that was how we got together.

495
00:41:44.920 --> 00:41:47.680
Yeah, if anyone's got any questions

496
00:41:47.680 --> 00:41:49.720
or anything you want to chuck out there,

497
00:41:49.720 --> 00:41:54.240
feel free to drop questions in the chat here.

498
00:41:57.600 --> 00:42:00.720
Or, yeah, I had a gun as well.

499
00:42:00.720 --> 00:42:01.840
That's a good point.

500
00:42:01.840 --> 00:42:06.840
Michelle, that's hilarious.

501
00:42:09.720 --> 00:42:10.920
I hadn't thought of that.

502
00:42:10.920 --> 00:42:12.080
Yes, that's true.

503
00:42:12.080 --> 00:42:13.280
Yes, I had a gun.

504
00:42:13.280 --> 00:42:16.040
That definitely never crossed my mind.

505
00:42:16.040 --> 00:42:19.040
Yeah, I think that,

506
00:42:19.040 --> 00:42:20.280
yeah, we didn't,

507
00:42:20.280 --> 00:42:22.240
that was out of the truck anyway.

508
00:42:22.240 --> 00:42:26.840
So, yes, but that's actually quite funny, Michelle.

509
00:42:26.840 --> 00:42:28.000
You're a genius.

510
00:42:29.720 --> 00:42:31.840
So, yeah, and then after that,

511
00:42:31.840 --> 00:42:36.560
we started getting,

512
00:42:36.560 --> 00:42:38.440
we started looking at rings,

513
00:42:38.440 --> 00:42:39.680
which was interesting

514
00:42:39.680 --> 00:42:43.720
because I'd never ever thought about anything

515
00:42:43.720 --> 00:42:46.440
around jewelry at that stage.

516
00:42:48.120 --> 00:42:48.960
So I think we'll tell you-

517
00:42:48.960 --> 00:42:50.680
And we bought furniture.

518
00:42:50.840 --> 00:42:53.240
Yeah, yeah, we bought a house, we bought a fridge.

519
00:42:53.240 --> 00:42:54.280
Yeah, we started-

520
00:42:54.280 --> 00:42:55.880
Like, all within weeks.

521
00:42:55.880 --> 00:42:58.240
Yeah, we started kind of kitting ourselves,

522
00:42:58.240 --> 00:43:00.760
kitting our house, future house out.

523
00:43:00.760 --> 00:43:02.080
We started doing all those things.

524
00:43:02.080 --> 00:43:04.200
We were kind of just fighting our time.

525
00:43:04.200 --> 00:43:05.040
Yeah.

526
00:43:05.040 --> 00:43:06.120
Until we got married.

527
00:43:06.120 --> 00:43:06.960
Yeah.

528
00:43:06.960 --> 00:43:09.400
So we,

529
00:43:12.320 --> 00:43:15.240
this part of the,

530
00:43:17.040 --> 00:43:20.080
oh, Selena, did you kiss?

531
00:43:20.480 --> 00:43:21.640
Yes.

532
00:43:21.640 --> 00:43:24.680
Okay, so, did you kiss?

533
00:43:24.680 --> 00:43:26.080
That's a good thing.

534
00:43:26.080 --> 00:43:31.080
So, Selena, yes, we did kiss.

535
00:43:31.200 --> 00:43:32.960
We did kiss.

536
00:43:32.960 --> 00:43:35.440
In fact, let me tell you something funny

537
00:43:35.440 --> 00:43:38.520
on like the fantasy side of my life,

538
00:43:38.520 --> 00:43:40.840
which we'll probably talk a little bit about fantasies

539
00:43:40.840 --> 00:43:43.280
as we go forward on this journey.

540
00:43:43.280 --> 00:43:45.000
One of the things that I just,

541
00:43:45.000 --> 00:43:48.000
this funny thought that I just had in my head

542
00:43:48.000 --> 00:43:49.440
that I was like, man, God,

543
00:43:50.080 --> 00:43:51.120
this was just something that I was like,

544
00:43:51.120 --> 00:43:53.400
wow, this would be the ultimate, right?

545
00:43:53.400 --> 00:43:55.280
The ultimate would be,

546
00:43:55.280 --> 00:43:57.440
is if you were just walking along one day

547
00:43:57.440 --> 00:44:00.120
and then you saw this chick

548
00:44:00.120 --> 00:44:01.720
and you knew she was going to be your wife

549
00:44:01.720 --> 00:44:04.320
and you just went up to her and kissed her.

550
00:44:05.320 --> 00:44:07.200
I thought, to me,

551
00:44:09.520 --> 00:44:11.320
to me, I thought that would be the ultimate.

552
00:44:11.320 --> 00:44:14.960
And obviously, so Alana and I had obviously,

553
00:44:14.960 --> 00:44:17.880
we'd known each other since she was 12.

554
00:44:17.880 --> 00:44:18.720
So it was-

555
00:44:19.120 --> 00:44:20.760
Yeah, over 10 years.

556
00:44:20.760 --> 00:44:22.680
Yeah, about 10 years, about 10 years.

557
00:44:22.680 --> 00:44:25.800
We'd known each other for about 10 years.

558
00:44:25.800 --> 00:44:26.920
Good question here from Bridget,

559
00:44:26.920 --> 00:44:28.800
we'll come to that in a second.

560
00:44:28.800 --> 00:44:30.480
So we'd known each other for about 10 years.

561
00:44:30.480 --> 00:44:32.880
So it's going to be a little bit tricky for us to-

562
00:44:32.880 --> 00:44:34.080
See each other for the first time.

563
00:44:34.080 --> 00:44:36.400
Yeah, see each other for the first time.

564
00:44:36.400 --> 00:44:40.520
But when the, we both describe it like this

565
00:44:40.520 --> 00:44:42.440
because it really did feel like this,

566
00:44:42.440 --> 00:44:45.240
that the veil was taken off our eyes

567
00:44:45.240 --> 00:44:47.640
and we got to see each other for the first time.

568
00:44:47.640 --> 00:44:52.120
And so, in that sense,

569
00:44:52.120 --> 00:44:54.160
my little fantasy that I've had,

570
00:44:54.160 --> 00:44:56.280
you know, like the first time you saw your wife,

571
00:44:56.280 --> 00:44:58.080
you'd go up to her and kiss her.

572
00:44:58.080 --> 00:45:00.040
And that's it, yes, my fantasy did.

573
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:06.720
get fulfilled. Like at the end of it, we were just so in love, crazy, like, like, ah, like,

574
00:45:07.600 --> 00:45:16.160
just, we were, and the atmosphere in that little bush hut, the atmosphere in that little bush hut

575
00:45:16.160 --> 00:45:23.040
was one of the most powerful atmospheres of the, just the atmosphere of heaven that I've

576
00:45:23.040 --> 00:45:28.640
ever experienced in my life. You know, we do, you know, lots of worship times and, you know,

577
00:45:28.880 --> 00:45:34.960
prophetic meetings and events and things like that. And of all the prayer times and glory times

578
00:45:34.960 --> 00:45:39.280
and worship times and all the things that we've ever done and all the thousands of hours I've

579
00:45:39.280 --> 00:45:44.400
spent in prayer, that was one of the most powerful moments I've ever experienced of the atmosphere of

580
00:45:44.400 --> 00:45:50.160
heaven coming into a place. So it was like, we just got swallowed up. It was like, veils got

581
00:45:50.160 --> 00:45:54.480
taken off our eyes, the atmosphere of heaven exploded in that place. It was like, whoa.

582
00:45:55.200 --> 00:46:02.640
And Alana went from absolutely not to absolutely yes, totally 100% mutual.

583
00:46:02.640 --> 00:46:09.440
And we were just in this like awe of the, of the atmosphere and awe of each other. And yes,

584
00:46:09.440 --> 00:46:17.360
in that moment, Alana had the first kiss of her life. So yes, we did kiss and we liked it a lot.

585
00:46:17.600 --> 00:46:32.240
So we'll stay as well, kind of in the process of leading up to marriage. We'll chat on that

586
00:46:32.240 --> 00:46:37.280
a little bit here. But we, yeah, so, but to engagements, like we didn't have any money.

587
00:46:37.280 --> 00:46:41.760
Alana was in a place where she was burnt out and just kind of taking a break.

588
00:46:42.560 --> 00:46:51.200
Yeah, so we were kind of like helping her out. So Alana had no money. I had no money.

589
00:46:52.800 --> 00:46:57.600
And we were, but we're like, let's go looking for a ring. The problem with Alana, right,

590
00:46:57.600 --> 00:47:01.920
is she had no money, but she had really expensive tastes.

591
00:47:01.920 --> 00:47:06.240
And we joke that his love language is touch and my love language is jewelry.

592
00:47:06.960 --> 00:47:18.720
Yeah. So Alana comes up with all these pictures of wedding rings. And I have no idea about

593
00:47:18.720 --> 00:47:21.680
jewelry. I've never thought about jewelry in my life. So I was like.

594
00:47:22.720 --> 00:47:24.080
I drew him a little sketch.

595
00:47:24.080 --> 00:47:28.640
And I sent her a budget, right? Like this is a faith budget. So I had no money. So I sent her

596
00:47:28.640 --> 00:47:33.200
a faith budget. I was like, why don't you try and see what you can find for $5,000?

597
00:47:33.200 --> 00:47:35.520
It was a super generous budget.

598
00:47:35.520 --> 00:47:39.760
That was way more than, you know, like most people were spending on wedding rings back

599
00:47:39.760 --> 00:47:44.240
then. It was usually like, you know, like a thousand dollars, you know, or something like

600
00:47:44.240 --> 00:47:48.720
that. So I was like, yeah, like no idea how I would actually pay for a ring like that. But that

601
00:47:48.720 --> 00:47:57.680
was while I was like, yeah, sweet, go for it. So in classic Alana fashion, the only ring that she

602
00:47:57.680 --> 00:48:00.960
can find is more.

603
00:48:01.040 --> 00:48:08.080
No, I drew you a picture of the ring that I wanted and Benji had been living everywhere

604
00:48:08.080 --> 00:48:12.800
and he couldn't find it. And so he took me and we went shopping and we walked into the

605
00:48:12.800 --> 00:48:15.280
jewelers and there was the ring that I had drawn in the counter.

606
00:48:15.280 --> 00:48:22.720
The very last shop, the very last shop that we went into, there was this one ring that

607
00:48:22.720 --> 00:48:29.680
looked exactly like the ring that Alana had drawn for me. And there it was, a one-off

608
00:48:29.680 --> 00:48:34.080
handmade piece. It's just like, ta-da! And she put it on.

609
00:48:34.720 --> 00:48:36.480
And I drew it straight on, like we can't buy this.

610
00:48:36.480 --> 00:48:42.080
As soon as she saw the price tag on it, she took it off and put it straight back in there.

611
00:48:42.080 --> 00:48:48.000
And then we went home and we had no idea what we were going to do for a ring. So we hadn't

612
00:48:48.000 --> 00:48:54.000
quite found anything else that we liked. But then we had pulled off this epic faith move, right?

613
00:48:54.160 --> 00:49:00.320
Benji, on the way home, I had the ring on my finger for like a second and took it off.

614
00:49:00.960 --> 00:49:04.160
And then Benji's like, you know what, babe? We're going to go for that.

615
00:49:04.880 --> 00:49:10.400
And I was like, okay, well, as long as it's all paid for before it's on my finger, that's okay.

616
00:49:10.400 --> 00:49:16.720
Wasn't quite, but what we said in that moment, right, when this ring was totally impossible,

617
00:49:16.720 --> 00:49:22.480
is we said, this is the line, we said, we're only limited by our imagination of how good God is.

618
00:49:23.280 --> 00:49:28.800
And so we went after this ring that was significantly more than twice the budget.

619
00:49:28.800 --> 00:49:32.000
So where we lived and at that time, it was a house deposit.

620
00:49:36.160 --> 00:49:38.800
But we went after it and yay, Jesus.

621
00:49:38.800 --> 00:49:40.080
So you went after it?

622
00:49:40.080 --> 00:49:41.680
Yeah, so here, let's show them your...

623
00:49:43.120 --> 00:49:48.160
I need to see me so that it's very clear.

624
00:49:49.040 --> 00:49:50.080
Okay, there you go.

625
00:49:50.080 --> 00:49:50.800
There you go.

626
00:49:50.800 --> 00:49:52.720
That's the ring right there.

627
00:49:53.600 --> 00:49:55.200
It's crazy.

628
00:49:55.200 --> 00:49:57.520
It was a crazy faith move back then.

629
00:49:57.520 --> 00:49:59.360
It would still be a crazy faith move right now.

630
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:06.560
a serious chunk of gold and diamonds and um he said when he gave it to me they bought 10 years

631
00:50:06.560 --> 00:50:12.560
worth of jewelry so we have just celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary so there's jewelry coming

632
00:50:12.560 --> 00:50:19.920
my way yeah yeah so we're working alana has picked out she's done it again so anyway she's got another

633
00:50:20.560 --> 00:50:29.360
ring in progress um so well uh you haven't really answered oh yeah yeah oh yeah yeah

634
00:50:29.360 --> 00:50:35.920
so let's go back to that question how did the um how did the church respond so the church um the

635
00:50:35.920 --> 00:50:44.320
church let me just tell you what you're doing right we've talked for so long we've been hunting

636
00:50:44.880 --> 00:50:50.640
like we kind of had a protocol because as a community that most of the people in the church

637
00:50:50.640 --> 00:50:56.800
hunted um and i would normally tell people where i was going what i was doing if i wanted but this

638
00:50:56.800 --> 00:51:02.640
is the one time i didn't tell them really what time i was going to be back um because i didn't

639
00:51:03.280 --> 00:51:08.720
know how the conversation was going to go so i didn't want to give anyone a timeline so i just

640
00:51:08.720 --> 00:51:13.280
specifically hadn't told anyone but because i hadn't told anyone people were like oh my gosh

641
00:51:13.280 --> 00:51:23.200
so they actually sent out a search party to find us so they sent out a search party to find us

642
00:51:23.840 --> 00:51:32.160
um to see what how we were doing if we were okay so that's how the church responded that was the

643
00:51:32.160 --> 00:51:37.600
first thing is they sent out a search party to find us and then the next thing um that our senior

644
00:51:37.600 --> 00:51:43.120
pastors did is i went and saw them the next morning you know not knowing what was going to happen

645
00:51:43.120 --> 00:51:47.600
with because i didn't know what was going to happen with the um conversation with the

646
00:51:47.600 --> 00:51:53.440
conversation i had you know i had no real expectation or hope but obviously the conversation

647
00:51:53.440 --> 00:51:59.200
went better than uh than i anticipated so the next morning i went around and just talked to

648
00:51:59.200 --> 00:52:05.360
my senior pastors uh about what was happening and they were like yay so everyone was actually

649
00:52:05.360 --> 00:52:15.520
really stoked for us um about it and then we um we we also knew that because he was the pastor

650
00:52:15.520 --> 00:52:20.960
there was going to be a lot more um judging i don't know there was going to be that we really

651
00:52:20.960 --> 00:52:27.600
need to be on the approach and what we did and so we talked about that pretty early on about

652
00:52:27.600 --> 00:52:34.480
what we were going to do to protect ourselves um each other our relationship those people around us

653
00:52:34.480 --> 00:52:45.680
what was sort of like the rules and parameters of um this next phase for us um yeah yeah so this

654
00:52:45.680 --> 00:52:51.200
so we then entered into this um interesting phase and we've talked to a lot of couples who are in

655
00:52:51.200 --> 00:52:58.560
this you know like engaged phase or that you know like they're they're kind of together because we

656
00:52:58.560 --> 00:53:03.680
had our own ministry school for over a decade so we had lots of young people that were in

657
00:53:03.680 --> 00:53:10.560
relationships you know a lot of people got married after they did that you know did our

658
00:53:10.560 --> 00:53:17.600
training with lots of couples and that have come from our um our ministry school so uh we lost

659
00:53:17.600 --> 00:53:22.960
people that were in this process that we went through after that have really struggled and okay

660
00:53:22.960 --> 00:53:28.400
how do you do this well like in terms of being and you know engaged like how do you do boundaries

661
00:53:29.360 --> 00:53:35.840
and um we're so we wanted to really make sure we did a real good job of that so we had

662
00:53:35.840 --> 00:53:43.440
accountability in place we set some some boundaries so so when it comes to setting boundaries like

663
00:53:44.800 --> 00:53:49.520
we'll just kind of give you a quick version of this but if anyone's got any um questions on it

664
00:53:49.520 --> 00:53:55.520
you could ask us but i think yeah so we just set in place like the first boundary was you know

665
00:53:55.520 --> 00:54:00.240
physically what are we happy with and um that was basically a check up from the neck up

666
00:54:00.800 --> 00:54:08.720
uh which is we're happy to you know happy to kiss um and that there was no touching of penises

667
00:54:08.720 --> 00:54:15.120
there's only one penis involved but there's no touching of that um uh or vagina or boobs or

668
00:54:15.120 --> 00:54:22.800
bums that was not going to be okay for us so there was no touching um and then kissing was just a

669
00:54:22.800 --> 00:54:29.440
neck up deal so we set that boundary because that was for us that's that's what our purity

670
00:54:30.000 --> 00:54:35.280
um boundary was and people will have their own different boundaries some people were like no

671
00:54:35.280 --> 00:54:40.880
i'm not kissing and then other people are like you know having babies and you're like well that's

672
00:54:40.880 --> 00:54:50.080
probably not a great boundary but um so for purity this is what we this is what we wanted to do we

673
00:54:50.080 --> 00:54:56.000
want to just figure out what purity um what our standard was so we figured out what our standard

674
00:54:56.000 --> 00:55:00.000
was right at the start and then we're like yeah this is our standard and we're like

675
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:08.280
We put that in place and then we told other people what our standard was, exactly what it is.

676
00:55:08.280 --> 00:55:09.240
We're really accountable.

677
00:55:09.240 --> 00:55:17.040
We let our pastors know because we want to set a good example for other people who are going to follow us as well.

678
00:55:17.040 --> 00:55:21.440
Because we knew other people were going to, you know, we were working with a lot of people in that space.

679
00:55:21.440 --> 00:55:23.720
So we were like, hey, this is how we want to do it.

680
00:55:23.720 --> 00:55:28.960
So we set the boundaries and then we made ourselves accountable for the boundaries that we'd set.

681
00:55:28.960 --> 00:55:36.880
And then after we made ourselves accountable for the boundaries that we set, we put other boundaries in place that would help us keep our boundaries.

682
00:55:36.880 --> 00:55:42.480
Right. So, for example, the other boundaries that we put in place was time that we would hang out.

683
00:55:42.480 --> 00:55:45.920
We weren't going to hang out past 10 p.m.

684
00:55:45.920 --> 00:55:53.680
Because the dark is it's good to have sex in the dark.

685
00:55:53.680 --> 00:55:56.920
So we put 10 p.m. down as a boundary for us.

686
00:55:56.920 --> 00:56:04.760
And then if we were going to do something special and we needed kind of an exemption for that, we actually asked our...

687
00:56:04.760 --> 00:56:10.080
What we did is we just made ourselves accountable to our senior pastors and said, hey, this is the boundary that we'd like.

688
00:56:10.080 --> 00:56:13.680
And we would like to just basically be kind of submit to this.

689
00:56:13.680 --> 00:56:25.120
And I'm not saying that everyone has to do this and not all pastors are trustworthy enough to have this type of, you know, authority in a person's life.

690
00:56:25.120 --> 00:56:27.680
But ours were. Our senior pastors were awesome for this.

691
00:56:27.680 --> 00:56:30.200
So we were happy to be accountable to them like this.

692
00:56:30.200 --> 00:56:33.040
And we're happy for them to say, hey, we want you to speak into our lives.

693
00:56:33.040 --> 00:56:38.760
We see anything that we're not doing right or anything that looks dodgy or anything, you let us know.

694
00:56:38.760 --> 00:56:42.000
And we're going to set our boundary at 10 p.m., not hanging out past that.

695
00:56:42.000 --> 00:56:46.720
And if we are going to hang out past that, we're going to ask you for permission.

696
00:56:46.720 --> 00:56:50.840
You know, is it going to be OK? And if you say no, then we won't do that.

697
00:56:50.840 --> 00:56:53.840
Right. So that's what we did.

698
00:56:53.840 --> 00:57:00.840
And then we just put some parameters around, you know, like where we would be hanging out and those types of things.

699
00:57:00.840 --> 00:57:07.360
So the cool thing was that we didn't we didn't break our boundaries.

700
00:57:07.400 --> 00:57:14.720
And I actually think a lot of that comes down to the male taking a leading role and protecting me.

701
00:57:14.720 --> 00:57:23.320
And the way that he does that is by respecting those boundaries and not tempting me to cross them.

702
00:57:23.320 --> 00:57:27.080
Yes, I'm quite tempted.

703
00:57:27.080 --> 00:57:32.480
Yeah, I know. I'd be like, stop it, I'm a stubborn girl now, I'm stubborn.

704
00:57:32.480 --> 00:57:37.240
No, you can't do that when I'm married.

705
00:57:37.240 --> 00:57:43.080
Yeah, I'll tell you what, this is like a real, I don't know, I had to hold it back sometimes.

706
00:57:43.080 --> 00:57:50.160
So yeah, I just thank God for the grace.

707
00:57:50.160 --> 00:57:58.720
Maybe that's true, maybe it's not. But I was.

708
00:57:58.720 --> 00:58:03.680
I was actually going to say something that we've been talking about in

709
00:58:03.720 --> 00:58:10.840
in the online school of Sonship a bunch is about willpower.

710
00:58:10.840 --> 00:58:17.040
And because to be honest, most of the couples that we work with haven't been able to keep their boundaries.

711
00:58:17.040 --> 00:58:23.200
They've said, I don't know if we've worked with one couple that's kept their boundaries, that's been open about it.

712
00:58:23.200 --> 00:58:26.600
Most of the time when we're working with couples, they don't.

713
00:58:26.600 --> 00:58:29.720
We probably would have had one or two. Maybe, maybe one or two.

714
00:58:29.720 --> 00:58:35.760
Majority of the time, the couples that we've worked with, they haven't been able to keep their hands to themselves.

715
00:58:35.760 --> 00:58:38.440
Great intentions, but no willpower.

716
00:58:38.440 --> 00:58:41.680
That's at the end of the day, that's what we kind of realized that she was.

717
00:58:41.680 --> 00:58:46.000
Hey, Adriana, good to see you there.

718
00:58:46.000 --> 00:58:50.800
At the end of the day, that's something that we realized was the real issue for people.

719
00:58:50.800 --> 00:58:53.880
And hi, Jackie, as well. I didn't say hi before.

720
00:58:53.880 --> 00:59:01.840
Something that we realized was that the.

721
00:59:01.840 --> 00:59:08.520
Willpower was the issue for people, and that's why in the online school of Sonship,

722
00:59:08.520 --> 00:59:14.040
that's why we do hard things, because doing hard things is where the willpower comes from.

723
00:59:14.040 --> 00:59:18.920
And it was even after this process that actually, you know, just kind of some of these things like, OK, well,

724
00:59:18.960 --> 00:59:21.560
why were we able to easily keep our boundaries?

725
00:59:21.560 --> 00:59:23.800
Why are we easily able to do discipline?

726
00:59:23.800 --> 00:59:25.480
Why are we able to do all of these things?

727
00:59:25.480 --> 00:59:32.160
So I did kind of like a psychoanalysis on myself and what actually had built that willpower.

728
00:59:32.440 --> 00:59:36.920
And I was like, flip, that was that was our farm growing up.

729
00:59:37.200 --> 00:59:41.000
And my dad just getting me to do hard things all day long, every day.

730
00:59:41.280 --> 00:59:43.000
We were just boys doing hard things.

731
00:59:43.000 --> 00:59:45.320
I was like, oh, that's where the willpower came from.

732
00:59:45.720 --> 00:59:50.160
And so willpower got, we don't know what it is, like willpower, self-control,

733
00:59:50.560 --> 00:59:52.120
personal sovereignty, it's all the same thing.

734
00:59:52.120 --> 00:59:57.200
So we're able to control and bring respect for ourselves and for each other.

735
00:59:57.520 --> 00:59:59.600
Yeah. So the values is one thing, but.

736
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.680
values without willpower just leads to disappointment you know like you betray your own values if you

737
01:00:05.680 --> 01:00:11.280
don't have willpower so and we've seen this countless times of people betraying their own

738
01:00:11.280 --> 01:00:19.680
values because they don't have willpower to match their own value system so that's why we do hard

739
01:00:19.680 --> 01:00:26.160
things all the time as often as possible just to develop willpower develop sovereignty develop

740
01:00:26.160 --> 01:00:35.760
self-control um yeah so then that pretty much brings us up to um we've got marion so we'll

741
01:00:35.760 --> 01:00:46.240
just do one last check here on any questions um oh yeah okay quick um willpower respecting each

742
01:00:46.880 --> 01:00:47.760
selena can you

743
01:00:50.960 --> 01:00:57.200
can you just uh ask me about uh like clarify can we talk about why it's so important one session

744
01:00:57.200 --> 01:01:04.000
like which why what's so important you can just clarify that would be awesome and then i will

745
01:01:04.000 --> 01:01:08.880
understand what you are talking about i'm one because i wasn't sure if you're talking about

746
01:01:08.880 --> 01:01:15.120
willpower or boundaries or accountability or yeah so you can clarify that would be awesome

747
01:01:16.800 --> 01:01:22.480
um anyone else who's got any cheeky comments to make feel free to make cheeky comments

748
01:01:22.480 --> 01:01:32.240
any curious questions um remember this um whole journey is going to be really vulnerable so you're

749
01:01:32.320 --> 01:01:35.600
welcome to ask um any questions

750
01:01:40.320 --> 01:01:42.880
oh one question here is um

751
01:01:45.360 --> 01:01:47.840
why does alana struggle so much with her behavior

752
01:01:50.800 --> 01:01:54.240
that's your question okay okay i think you need to look in the mirror um

753
01:01:54.240 --> 01:02:05.280
um oh okay why keeping the boundaries um why keeping the boundaries is a good uh

754
01:02:07.040 --> 01:02:14.160
someone here says doing hard things sounds like works rather than grace so there's two questions

755
01:02:14.320 --> 01:02:15.680
there um

756
01:02:19.280 --> 01:02:25.920
so niamh is saying doing hard things sounds like works rather than grace so

757
01:02:27.840 --> 01:02:33.680
um if you think doing hard things sounds like works rather than grace then

758
01:02:34.960 --> 01:02:40.080
um let me try and unpack that for you for a little like a little bit um

759
01:02:40.080 --> 01:02:48.800
um first of all just give me a yes or no if anyone has to do hard things or have hard

760
01:02:48.800 --> 01:02:53.840
experiences in their life right who has who has gone through hard things in their life right

761
01:02:54.880 --> 01:02:58.480
yeah anyone here gone through hard things we've gone through lots of hard things

762
01:02:59.040 --> 01:03:02.880
you know when it comes to going through hard things you go through hard things in

763
01:03:02.880 --> 01:03:08.480
lots of different areas right you can go through hard things in every area of your life you can go

764
01:03:08.480 --> 01:03:18.640
through hard things in the area of health right finances relationships um your you know personal

765
01:03:18.640 --> 01:03:25.040
identity struggles self-hatred shame uh you can go through hard things in every single area of life

766
01:03:25.600 --> 01:03:32.000
and that doesn't actually have anything to do with grace right it's got nothing to do with grace so

767
01:03:32.640 --> 01:03:46.800
in terms of grace right so grace um and grace and works grace uh it's grace that you are made in the

768
01:03:46.800 --> 01:03:52.560
image of god right it's grace that you're one with god it's by grace that you're seamlessly one with

769
01:03:52.560 --> 01:03:58.000
god it's by grace that you're made in the image of god it's by grace you're exclusively defined by

770
01:03:58.000 --> 01:04:05.840
god so works is working to try and make the truth true okay that's what that's what paul's

771
01:04:05.840 --> 01:04:12.560
referring to and paul says works when paul talks about works he's talking about you living from

772
01:04:12.560 --> 01:04:21.040
the belief that you're inadequate and separate and trying to live in such a way that your works

773
01:04:21.600 --> 01:04:26.640
bridge the gap of on the belief that you're inadequate and separate from god

774
01:04:26.640 --> 01:04:33.760
so works is anything when you work you work towards who you already are

775
01:04:35.120 --> 01:04:42.960
or when you work towards what you already have okay that's but whether you but even when you

776
01:04:42.960 --> 01:04:50.000
have grace paul still worked hard right like paul worked hard real hard paul prayed in the spirit

777
01:04:50.000 --> 01:04:57.120
a lot paul got beaten paul got shipwrecked paul did hard things all the time so works

778
01:04:57.120 --> 01:04:59.440
in the way that paul was talking about it is working to

779
01:05:00.960 --> 01:05:10.160
like make it's trying to make the truth true right so it's performance-based living when you're

780
01:05:10.160 --> 01:05:14.960
trying to earn your identity when you're trying to earn your acceptance when you're trying to earn

781
01:05:15.520 --> 01:05:21.600
oneness rather than waking up in the morning and living from the present reality that you're

782
01:05:21.600 --> 01:05:28.720
one with God living from that reality so okay from this place of oneness I now invest myself

783
01:05:28.800 --> 01:05:35.600
in hours and hours of prayer from the space of knowing who I am I serve God wholeheartedly and

784
01:05:35.600 --> 01:05:42.320
I do hard things from that so that hopefully helps you understand um doing hard things has got

785
01:05:42.320 --> 01:05:49.040
nothing to do with grace okay so doing hard things it's absolutely got nothing to do with grace or

786
01:05:49.040 --> 01:05:56.480
not so Les Brown has a great quote he said if you do what is easy your life will become hard

787
01:05:57.200 --> 01:06:02.560
if you do what is hard your life will become easy so if you just want to think about that purely on

788
01:06:02.560 --> 01:06:08.160
an exercise dynamic that principle is true in every area of your life right if you

789
01:06:08.800 --> 01:06:15.360
if you practice running and you train for a marathon and you've trained and trained and

790
01:06:15.360 --> 01:06:20.720
trained and trained and trained um or even say for a 10k run right you train and train and train

791
01:06:20.720 --> 01:06:26.000
for a 10k run and after a while doing a 10k run is real easy right but if you haven't trained and

792
01:06:26.000 --> 01:06:32.000
you just try and do a 10k run that'll be really hard for you so what's the difference it's if you

793
01:06:32.000 --> 01:06:38.400
do what is easy uh your life will become hard if you don't work out your muscles if you don't work

794
01:06:38.400 --> 01:06:42.480
out if you don't steward your resources well you'll end up in poverty all of these things so

795
01:06:42.480 --> 01:06:47.440
if you take the easy option all the time your life will be hard whereas if you do hard things

796
01:06:47.440 --> 01:06:52.640
if you exercise if you're disciplined with your finances if you engage yourself in wisdom if you

797
01:06:52.960 --> 01:06:57.760
you know if you challenge yourself to learn and all those things your life will get easier okay

798
01:06:57.760 --> 01:07:07.840
so that's the that's that dynamic um doing hard things um so god asks us to do hard things all

799
01:07:07.840 --> 01:07:13.680
the time that's why jesus said walk the narrow road not the wide road he said broad is the road

800
01:07:13.680 --> 01:07:19.360
that leads to destruction and many go that way but narrow is the gate towards salvation and few find

801
01:07:19.440 --> 01:07:25.280
it so that's about doing hard things that doing hard things is making the choice to follow jesus

802
01:07:25.280 --> 01:07:30.000
to pick up your cross when everyone else is doing something else that's one of the hard things but

803
01:07:30.000 --> 01:07:34.000
hard things happens in every area of our lives right are you going to be disciplined with your

804
01:07:34.000 --> 01:07:39.600
finances or are you not you know are you going to um you know how are you going to behave in

805
01:07:39.600 --> 01:07:46.720
your relationship you know it might be easy to like that um just that quote i put out yesterday

806
01:07:46.800 --> 01:07:53.200
you know it might be easier not to be vulnerable in your relationship it might be there might be

807
01:07:53.200 --> 01:07:57.680
the easy option right not be vulnerable not share how you're feeling not share where your heart's at

808
01:07:58.240 --> 01:08:06.960
but um that easy option leads to isolation versus doing the hard thing like a hard thing is being

809
01:08:06.960 --> 01:08:12.400
vulnerable and just telling someone exactly where your heart's at exactly how you're feeling exactly

810
01:08:12.400 --> 01:08:18.640
what you want that vulnerability can be a hard thing but two things happen when you do a hard

811
01:08:18.640 --> 01:08:23.439
thing one it strengthens you psychologically it strengthens your self-control strengthens your

812
01:08:23.439 --> 01:08:29.680
willpower strengthens your free will um and the other thing is it'll produce fruit you know in

813
01:08:29.680 --> 01:08:37.920
your in your life so um that's that question and then selena i think you're right we probably

814
01:08:37.920 --> 01:08:44.640
it probably does deserve a session on boundaries so um we will put that up there

815
01:08:46.080 --> 01:08:57.120
um cool cool so next session we're going to talk about um our chaos all right we're going to go

816
01:08:57.120 --> 01:09:02.800
deeper on our chaos uh on our story what happened after we got married we thought we'd done everything

817
01:09:02.800 --> 01:09:09.840
right we you know we did training on marriage relationships communication you know like we

818
01:09:09.840 --> 01:09:14.080
did all this training while we were you know leading up towards getting married we did some

819
01:09:16.160 --> 01:09:22.640
run missions trips where we had issues and we yes we had issues that we needed to overcome together

820
01:09:22.640 --> 01:09:30.560
yeah just in general so our next session which we are aiming for uh actually a monday morning

821
01:09:31.359 --> 01:09:37.840
same time monday morning yeah i lied to you before it was an accident i said wednesday to

822
01:09:37.840 --> 01:09:47.279
you but it's monday monday yeah so um we're aiming for monday 10 a.m next week to have our next chat

823
01:09:47.279 --> 01:09:53.760
and what we're planning on doing is a seven-part series uh but then going forward actually doing

824
01:09:53.760 --> 01:09:59.760
a regular just having regular um space here for the seven sacred pathways

825
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:11.200
training. So I hope that's been valuable guys. That's cool. Thanks for sharing that Donna.

826
01:10:13.200 --> 01:10:25.200
And Selena is saying it would be amazing for her to do that boundary session because she is

827
01:10:25.920 --> 01:10:34.960
she's not in the zoom room but she's very single and very ready to mingle and one nice

828
01:10:34.960 --> 01:10:39.520
attractive hot lady. She's like man how do I steward my assets in this context. So we will

829
01:10:39.520 --> 01:10:49.440
talk about that and we'll wrap it up from there. So thanks everyone. Bless you. We aim to have our

830
01:10:49.440 --> 01:10:54.960
book come out next week as well. Seven Sacred Pathways to Intimacy. So get ready because

831
01:10:54.960 --> 01:11:01.760
everyone in the online school association will get a free copy of that. Yes Selena knows it.

832
01:11:03.520 --> 01:11:09.360
Yeah I've got some cool things coming up as well. If you're single and ready to mingle

833
01:11:10.320 --> 01:11:17.360
or if you're married and you want an upgrade. This whole process is not as it's like

834
01:11:18.560 --> 01:11:23.040
not someone else. No no no no no no. You want to upgrade your current marriage.

835
01:11:23.840 --> 01:11:28.880
Let's clarify that. If you want to upgrade your current marriage. We've got lots of things

836
01:11:28.880 --> 01:11:35.200
in the pipeline for you all. So bless you and we'll catch you soon. See you guys. Bye.