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Hi Joan, how are you doing?

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Hi, how are you doing?

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I've just got a whole lot of noise in the background.

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I'm trying to eliminate.

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Very good.

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Whereabouts are you, Joan?

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Timaru.

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Timaru, cool.

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I saw you there the other day,

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but I couldn't, I didn't hear anything coming back from you.

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Oh, okay.

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No, I did pop into that meeting.

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It was really cool,

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and it was the first time I managed to go online, yeah.

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Great, well, that is so cool.

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So good to have you with us.

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Do you want more?

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Sonja and Elise and Janice, welcome.

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I think we're live now in the school.

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Sonja and Anthony.

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So, hey, hey, Sonja, there you are.

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You're gone, you were there, you were gone.

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Riptured.

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No, still here.

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There you are, there you are.

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I see you there, mate.

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So, is that Sonja and Riptured, is it?

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Anthony.

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Anthony.

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Yeah, yeah.

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Hello, Benji.

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Perfect.

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Hello, Alana.

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Whereabouts are you guys?

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Whangarei.

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Oh, very cool, very cool.

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That's great, welcome.

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And, Elise, how are you doing?

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You made it.

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Whereabouts are you?

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See you, Elise there.

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I see Alicia, what's going on?

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Syncing.

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Facebook.

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Hey, I'm here, can you hear me?

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Wow.

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It's Elise, I think.

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Elise, hi.

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Hi, I'm listening from Vermont, the USA.

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Oh, very cool.

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That is great.

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It's so good to have you with us from Vermont.

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Thank you.

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Your name here, your Zoom name says Elise Vermont.

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Yes, yeah.

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That's not your last name as well, is it?

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No, my last name is Christian.

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Okay, there you go.

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I was wondering if it was gonna be,

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I thought it would be unusual

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if it was Elise Vermont from Vermont.

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No, it's just, it was encouraged

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that I, for a different Zoom group

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that I put my state in.

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Yeah, that's great.

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Very cool.

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Well, it's wonderful to have you with us.

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Thank you.

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We'll just be chatty for a little bit.

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It's great to have you guys jumping on board

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and it's cool.

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Just sometimes it takes a little minute

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for people to get here,

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but we've got a great crew here already.

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So, Timaru, the deep south of New Zealand,

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and then Whangarei, the far north,

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and then Vermont, and then Janice,

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where abouts are you today?

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New York.

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New York, as always.

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Fantastic.

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That's cool.

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Elise, it's nice to see your face as well.

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Very cool to see you.

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It's wonderful to have you in this group.

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Thank you.

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And hello to our people on Facebook watching as well.

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And if you are on Facebook,

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you should come and jump in the Zoom room with us

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because it's always more fun in the Zoom room.

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Who has had a chance to check out the book so far?

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Seven Sacred Pathways Intimacy book.

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Anyone?

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Not yet.

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Not yet?

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That's all right.

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Let me just drop a link for you

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in the chat here.

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I'll just drop a link there

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so that everyone's got access to a copy of the book,

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the e-book, the audio book.

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The audio book.

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Okay.

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Got the link.

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There it is.

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Cool, okay.

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So I'm just dropping this in the chat for everyone.

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So this is actually,

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I'm giving you like a hundred dollar gift here.

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There's three books, two audio books, two workbooks,

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all in that link.

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So in the chat, you can see that there.

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And then I'll drop this in the comments on the video too

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here in the online School of Sonship.

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Veronica is joining us.

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Wonderful.

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Okay.

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Okay, we'll just drop this.

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So there we go.

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Everyone, here you go.

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Alicia, you three are watching.

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That's fantastic.

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Very cool.

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You should definitely jump in the Zoom room,

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Alicia and Zephaniah.

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There you go.

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There's the link to the book as well.

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Beautiful. Well, we're going to get started in a moment. Veronica, welcome. Good to have

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you with us. Okay, Veronica, how are you doing? You're on mute, my beautiful friend. So, you're

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doing a lip sync there. Can you hear me now? Yeah, perfectly. Okay, cool. I've got some

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friends here that I brought along. This is Vanessa. Hey, Vanessa. Hi. And also, Gemma.

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Hello, how are you? Hey, Gemma. Cool to have you guys tuning in. Very cool. Yeah. I mean,

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we were just talking about raising royalty and so I said, why don't we listen? Yeah,

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that's fantastic. What a great move. So, why don't we get Joan. Can you still hear us in

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the deep south? If you want to unmute, Joan, we'd love to have you pray for us as we kick

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off the session. Can you still hear us there, Joan? If you can unmute first, because if you

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are talking, we can't hear you. You just need to unmute.

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No, Joan? All right, Elyse. Now, Elyse. Yes. We've met only once before, right? Yeah, I met

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you in the Pokakoe Bookstore when I was living in New Zealand. That must have been nearly 15

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years ago that we met. 14 years. It was 2007. Yes. You gave me your vision and you gave me a

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little booklet that I kept for a long time and I prayed for you and I was thrilled when I found

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you on Facebook. I think it was somewhere in the late night. I think it was a couple years later

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that I became your friend on Facebook. And then I just sort of stayed in touch. Unfortunately,

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I have lived a lot of my years without internet and that makes it very difficult for me to

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participate. Yeah. Well, welcome to the internet. Why don't you pray for us as we get going on this

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session, which is going to be a lot of fun. Okay. Father in heaven, we thank you and we

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praise you for who you are, for being a God who is close and who is our help. Thank you,

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Lord, for being Elohi Hasedi, God of our mercy. Thank you, Father, for wanting our

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full attention and for caring about the intimate details of our life. We thank you for wanting to

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know us and to be known. And Lord, we're so grateful for the love that you pour out on a

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daily basis in our lives. And we ask you for wisdom for Benji and Alana. Give us understanding,

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Father. May your spirit be here in this discussion. We praise you for all that you're doing around the

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world. And Lord, so many people need to feel claimed by your love. And we thank you for

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calling us beloved in Christ and that we are complete in you. And we pray these things in

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Jesus' name. Amen. Amen. Beautiful. Cool, family. Now, let me do something quickly for those that

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are new to this group. I'm going to share my screen and just show you how to navigate

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in the online School of Sonship a little bit better. Okay, so if you're new to the online

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School of Sonship, which is where you are right now, and you want to find your way around, if

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you just go through the guide, like through the newsfeed here, look, there we are. If you just go

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through here, you'll really easily get lost because it's just kind of random, you know, whatever

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people are commenting on just pops up in the newsfeed. So if you want to actually navigate

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easily, you come up to this section here on guides and you click on guides, and then you can find a

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bit of an orientation, you can see the foundations course, you can see here's the Seven Sacred

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Pathways to Intimacy. So I'll put this session up here. If you want to catch up on the sessions,

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they're here. The Open Heaven Masterclass, which is our current live training that we're doing,

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that's all here. If you want to be a part of the Daily Hard Things Challenge that we're doing,

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then you want to check out this video here, the Foundations for Exponential Growth, which gives

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you all the context for that. So we'll wrap that up there. But if you've got questions,

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you can obviously ask those questions and we'll help you navigate the school.

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But for now, let's just do a little bit of a catch up on where we're at in the Seven Sacred Pathways.

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So, first of all, let's just feel free to chat for a moment here, but who's caught some

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of these sessions before, you've been on the live, or you've been on the replay, or you've

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read the book?

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Where are people at?

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Veronica, you were with us last week.

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Yes, yes, and I really enjoyed it, and you know, although it was mostly talking about

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a relationship between couples, and you know, like I've been divorced for 20 years, and

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yet I still found some really good understanding and strategies when listening to last week's

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kōrero.

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Awesome, that's great, very cool, Sonia and Anthony, have you guys, you guys might need

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to unmute so we can hear you, have you been tracking along?

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I listened to like the chaos one, which is, you know, I was listening to that last night,

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but yeah, we've been a bit of in a chaos situation ourselves, and coming out of it, getting persecution

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because I was obedient to God to come back to Anthony, and situation with the kids, we

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need to get a kid that kind of, a little hard to take, and hard to deal with, but when the

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Lord says it's about us, because it's where we came together, focusing on unity within

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it, all of us, it's not about our children, it's about us first, before our children,

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so remembering that, and the importance, so that type of has been a roller coaster for

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us right now, but it's been strong, and yeah.

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It's all because I'm a nutter, and I have to learn to balance it with, you know, reality

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and truth.

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Okay, well that's a good bit of information, and we're going to be talking today a lot

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about good information, so we will put information like I'm a nutter, but we might go a little

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bit deeper, so sometimes if people feel safe, we do kind of a little bit like a Dr. Phil

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on their relationship, so just depends on how safe people feel to share their story

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where they're at, and we can journey on those things.

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So we'll jump back to you guys in a minute, and you guys want to just start, have a little

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think, because I'll definitely come back to you and see if you feel like talking about

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your story, and how, you know, we might dissect it if you want, so you can kind of think about

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that.

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Janice, I know you've been with us for quite a few of the sessions.

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Joan, have you caught any of the replays on the Seven Sacred Pathways?

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I haven't seen any of the sessions, but I'm wearing a good part of the block.

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Oh, fantastic, very good.

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Well done.

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Janice, you've been tracking with most of these sessions, haven't you?

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Yeah, some of them, yeah, I think I got about three of them, or four.

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Cool, cool, yeah, sweet.

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Well, this is number five, and if anyone wants to go back and catch any of the replays, you

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know where to find them now, they're on the guide section, you know where to get the book,

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the book is in the description of this video, and in the chats here in this section, so

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yeah, cool, cool, I'm just going to mute you now, Janice.

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So, what we're talking about today,

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anything to add on this so far, babe, in chatting this?

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No, nothing to add?

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Cool, cool.

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So, we are talking about the foundational pathways today, which is following on from

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last week, so last week, we talked about the first two of the three foundational pathways.

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So, the Seven Sacred Pathways, obviously, there's seven, first three, babe?

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Oh, don't ask me.

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Don't ask me.

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My head's scrambled.

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Yeah, she's had a little bit of a wild week this week, but so the first three pathways,

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the first one is the spiritual pathway, and when you read the book, which I encourage

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you to check out, we go deep into the fact that identity really is the key there, that

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the spiritual pathway determines your ability as an individual to receive and to express love.

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So, if you have got holes, gaps, chaos, dysfunction in your spiritual mindsets and

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understandings, then you, and I would suggest that nearly every Christian that I've talked

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with, journeyed with, has had major, major gaps in their relationship, in their understanding

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of their identity, in their understanding of

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the like the image of God and every time there's gaps in our image of God or gaps in our understanding

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of our identity the result is the inability to receive divine love perfectly and the inability

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to express divine love perfectly but when we mature in our spiritual identity or mature in our sonship

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which is why we have the online school of sonship so people can actually go on that journey

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when we mature in our spiritual identity in our sonship the result is what spiritual

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maturity looks like is the ability to receive divine love perfectly and the ability to give

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perfect expression to divine love so that's why that's like the number one foundation for all

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relationships is because you're no longer in a place of need you're not you know you you are

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actually your love tanks are filled up by God's you're in this beautiful place you can receive

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love express love you've mastered that in your relationship with God and then it's actually

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really easy to do that with other people whereas if you're living in this place of a love deficit

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then you will naturally kind of be like a love lynch you know when you're in a relationship

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with someone instead of serving you'll be there like trying to just suck the love out of them

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good for survival and then um uh Lavinia welcome good to have you joining us from Australia

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uh and then the second one is the emotional pathway so the emotional pathway uh it determines

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your ability to communicate love effectively right so spiritual pathway determines your ability to

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receive and express love the emotional pathway determines your ability to communicate love

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effectively right so um if you're if you're unsafe you know if you've got unsafe emotions

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unsafe behaviors uh unsafe atmospheres unsafe attitudes around you people are going to shut

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down people going to close off people are going to we talked about last week have an amygdala

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hijack right where they go into the fight or flight zone and when someone goes to fight or

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flight zone they no longer have access to the frontal cortex of their brain this is the smart

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part of our brain that does all of our thinking um that gets shut down and we start operating out

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of this tiny little two tiny little bits of our brain called the amygdala um which are our fight

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flight parts of our brain when we're in a when we have an emotional uh an amygdala hijack or an

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emotional kind of freak out you can people call it all sorts you know that person really freaked

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out they melted down you know you guys will have lots of language for it whoa man they lost it you

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know those are all words that we use to describe someone having an amygdala hijack and in

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relationships it's really really common and when we're talking to people some people it's so scary

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just to talk to someone that they have a total shutdown meltdown freak out just trying to talk

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and and when that happens they're like oh i can't get my words out or all these things start

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happening just because they're operating out of the fight flight part of your brain and there's

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no intelligence there right so for me every conversation was i don't know he would ask me

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a question wanting to get good information and i don't know i don't know what you want right now i

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don't know what to tell you for me that was my like i just shut down and it was so frustrating

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for me it drove him crazy oh wild crazy that that like my response to her meltdown was to melt down

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myself because i'm like i need you to tell me something and she was just like i got nothing for

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you i'm like how can you say that if you love me right it's only been in hindsight that we've

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realized that that was the case that i was an overload it was too much and it caused my brain

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to shut down so i literally didn't know what i wanted because i couldn't process it yeah

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that that that led to like our biggest meltdown ever um led to my biggest meltdown ever and um

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uh because you know like for me anyway we were having trying to have this deep meaningful right

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where i'm really desperate to like hear something from her some type of response and she couldn't

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give me anything and i was like i'm so desperate right now for you just to chat for you just to

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communicate in some way so i can fix it yeah well or i need something and she because she's having

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this amygdala hijack she's got no access to the smart part of her brain so all she can give me is

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i don't know and when you're totally desperate and you're begging someone for something and all

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they got is i don't know you're like do you love me i don't know why so

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that caused me to freak out a lot yeah so that's the emotional side of things right and the key to

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them like one of the most important parts of being able to communicate effectively

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is being able to maintain safe atmospheres right and you guys will know this right you can unmute

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if you want to share a story on this but why don't we have a couple of people share on this

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but who's ever felt unsafe who's ever walked into a situation and felt really unsafe

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you need to unmute i think i can see you talking veronica why don't you tell us

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oh no sorry i just asked my friends if they want to say something

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sorry benji that's all right well hey um i mean you've been divorced for 20 years you said

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20 plus years yeah 20 plus years so 25 years 25 years can i ask why you got divorced what

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was your story well um i mean we were we got married really young and um we're 17 going on 18

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we had six children together um i was when i went back to church and uh my husband at the time

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came back to came to the lord about three years into our marriage um but then he was hurt

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he's a young christian and he got hurt within the church and he just turned around and said to me

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basically um if that's your jesus basically he said up yeah he just said i don't want him

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and um while we stayed together for the 20 years um it was very difficult and he just

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basically had an ultimatum and um and then we parted and what was the ultimatum the ultimatum

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basically was god or him in the family he felt that i wasn't giving attention to the family

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and um i think there were times we were too afraid to be honest with each other about how

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we were feeling about stuff and we didn't want to hurt each other but in the long run we ended up

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hurting each other to the max where we but uh we're good friends still and i to be honest benji

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i think there's still there's still that love there but it's like 25 years of water under the

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bridge and and and we've grown apart in different ways ways but um but we he's still very close to

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the children my sons and my grandchildren so and we're good friends but um i just don't think we

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were honest or brave enough to be honest with one another yeah yeah that's a big deal that's

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so much of what we covered last session eh it was about courage courageous conversations

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that's what i wrote in my book i said wow it takes courage

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yeah it takes so much courage so can you if you remember back to your marriage what was one of

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the most unsafe feelings that you had and the situations that made you feel most unsafe um

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i felt unsafe because i wasn't sure whether um i would lose lose him by being honest with him

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you know um and i was afraid of losing him and that was one of the fears uh huge fears um until

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years and years later and um i no longer have those fears but yeah i didn't want to lose him

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yeah so this is interesting how that plays out right so out of a fear of not wanting to lose him

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right uh you lied to him

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i never thought like that but yep you were you didn't give him good information

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yeah um it's called a codependent relationship and like it's a it's a

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codependent relationship in some ways like normally a codependent relationship is

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and let me just kind of create like a little bit of a spectrum right so you can have

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um on one end of the scale you've got powerful people right and and you you need two powerful

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people to have intimacy like we're talking about because what we're talking about in this series

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is about creating mind-blowing intimacy about creating heaven's finest intimacy it's not about

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creating what we've seen before in the church it's not about how do you create a normal christian

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because divorce statistics will tell you that a normal Christian marriage is totally dysfunctional,

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right? So I don't want to help anyone have a normal Christian marriage because according to

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the statistics, a normal Christian marriage will end in divorce. So I don't think anyone wants a

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normal Christian marriage, right? So if we want to have an out-of-this-world Christian marriage,

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which is what we're called to have, something really exceptional that is one of the best

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examples of what heaven on earth looks like, that's what our marriages are supposed to be.

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Our marriages are supposed to be the hub of heaven on earth. The greatest picture,

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it's the greatest opportunity that we get to create an authentic expression of heaven on earth

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is in our marriages. So that's where really where we're supposed to be creating

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heaven on earth, you know, it's, you're welcome, Alicia and Zephanias, welcome guys.

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So, but it takes two really powerful people to create a heaven on earth marriage. Other types

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of marriage that you can get is you can get a power struggle relationship, right? So a power

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struggle relationship is when there's two very assertive people, but they don't actually have

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the skill sets to get what they want, when they want, and how they want it without manipulation

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and control. So two assertive people, they kind of go at things, but they're always fighting each

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other. It's like, I'm going to fight for this. But maybe you get sick of that in a relationship,

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or maybe somewhere along the way, someone learned to not be assertive in a relationship.

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So they become like, they become the person that always says yes.

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And so out of fear of upsetting the other person and causing a fight, they just say, yes, yes.

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And one person often likes that because they like to dominate because they're a freak. And the other

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one, well, not necessarily a freak. I think to a degree, we all have different levels of this.

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You know, it's a spectrum. It's on the same spectrum. It's a journey for all of us in our

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process of how we go through this. But you've got that person, you've got that relationship where

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there's the assertive people who are fighting, two assertive people fighting all the time. It's a

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power struggle relationship. Or you can have that codependent relationship where one person's always

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saying yes, just to please the other person. But it's a passive aggressive way of doing relationships

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because you say yes, yes, yes, yes. But that person actually often starts hating the other person.

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But the problem, it's not just the dominating person that has the issue.

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The yes person is never giving any good information, right? The yes person is actually

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lying to them saying, yes, that's great with me. And the outside, they say yes, but on the inside,

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like, I hate you for asking. So you've got those three kind of marks on the relationship

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spectrum, which could be a power struggle, it could be codependent, or it could be two powerful people.

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And we're all on this journey somewhere of moving along. But we have to both become

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powerful people if we want a heaven on earth marriage where we each get to participate

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in heaven's finest intimacy possible. So Veronica, where would you say you were at

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in your relationship? Kat and Kiki, welcome. In my relationship now? Or back then when you

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were married, where would you say your relationship was? Oh, after listening to that probably on that codependent.

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Okay, so were you the yes person? I think he was more the yes person, probably.

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Okay, so he was the yes person, you were more the like, sweet, we'll do it my way. Yeah.

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And the problem is that, like, you, it's in a codependent relationship, your

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dysfunction fuels, like, you get synergy in the wrong direction. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So you kind of create this,

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you create this chaos, and your chaos is bouncing off each other.

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So in that context, you said you also didn't give him the truth out of fear of losing him.

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Yeah, it was, yeah. So it's kind of a bit of both ways as well there, isn't it?

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Neither of you was giving each other good information. Yeah.

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Yeah, so, let me ask you guys, who would like the type of relationship where you both get

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exactly what you want, when you want it, and how you like it, without manipulation or control?

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Yes?

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Yes?

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Who likes the idea of that?

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Yes?

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Okay, sweet.

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So, if we want that type of relationship, then we have to master the foundational pathways

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first, okay?

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So, we've talked about the spiritual pathway, we've talked about the emotional pathway.

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The emotional pathway is so, I mean, they're both so critical to master, but the emotional

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is going to create a safe context, a safe atmosphere, a safe process and way of how

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we communicate.

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So, if you master the spiritual one, and like I said, these are all a journey, right?

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It's got to be a real journey for all of us.

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Hi, Alanis was typing something in there in the chat for you guys.

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The spiritual pathway, you master that, everything starts getting easier.

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The emotional pathway, you master that, it starts becoming safe to be vulnerable, right?

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But the third one we're talking about is the intellectual pathway.

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And this intellectual pathway is all about knowing your spouse really, really well.

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And so, there's two things that we really, really need to master the intellectual pathway.

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So, those two things are curiosity and vulnerability.

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Curiosity and vulnerability, okay?

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Who can guess why we need curiosity?

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Just wave your hand around, we'll unmute you.

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Hi, asking questions.

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Okay, Alice is already unmuted.

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So, Alice, why would curiosity, why would we need curiosity if we want to have a type

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of marriage where we both experience, both receive exactly what we want, when we want

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and how we like it without manipulation or control?

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Curiosity means to me, asking questions to be able to, the right questions to be able

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to communicate clearly.

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Yeah, yeah, that's right.

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That's right.

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So, what curiosity is going to do, where curiosity is going to take us is, curiosity is going

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to take us way beyond just the five love languages.

401
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So, I'm going to mute, who knows the five love languages?

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Hang on a second, let's go over, Anthony's waving his hand around.

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And Janice, hands going here.

404
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I'd feel awesome right now if I was an evangelist.

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I think curiosity is about two things.

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It's about, one, problem solving on a daily basis.

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And it's also about creativity and wonder, the mystery of life and the wonder of life.

408
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Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

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So, when we put that curiosity into the context of a relationship, let me give another little

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bit of context here that's really foundational mindsets around why you're even married.

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And what a divine blueprint would look like for marriage, right?

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You can have a think about this, see if you agree with it.

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But I would suggest to you that when you get married, you have the privilege of becoming

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the world expert on your spouse, right?

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When you get married, you get to become the leading world expert on your spouse.

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That's one of the privileges that's given to you, right?

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Just a ring, right?

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A ring doesn't make that happen.

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Ta-da!

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One ring.

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So there's a ring, right?

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But a ring doesn't make you the world expert, right?

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The expert just makes you married.

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One of the reasons why you would want to be the world expert is actually to fulfill one

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of the divine purposes for marriage, which is to be a dream maker for your spouse.

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I think this is the beautiful thing about serving one another in love, is that we both

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get to serve each other.

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Well, that can be a journey, but wouldn't...

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Who thinks that they would like the type of marriage where the other person, without feeling

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intimidated, without feeling manipulated, without feeling controlled, the other person

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has devoted their life wholeheartedly to helping you live your wildest dreams?

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Who would like that type of marriage?

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See I believe that's the divine blueprint, right?

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I believe that that's what love looks like.

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That's actually God's original intent for marriage, it's not like hating each other

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and not power struggles and not codependent relationships, but two powerful people coming

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together with such a love for each other that they're out of love, not out of manipulation

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or control, but out of love for each other, they're more than happy to devote their lives

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to fulfilling the wants, needs, dreams and desires of their spouse.

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Who likes that kind of blueprint for marriage?

441
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Can I say something there, Benji?

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Oh, please do, Lavinia.

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What language would you like to speak in?

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Let me relay my story to you first.

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I think you probably would be able to identify it better than I myself, I don't know whether

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that's denial or what, but I find it very interesting because I serve my husband to

447
00:36:28.800 --> 00:36:36.040
a tee and it interests a lot of people, my friends as well as visitors.

448
00:36:36.040 --> 00:36:39.820
Sometimes I would withdraw and say, well, why am I doing this?

449
00:36:39.820 --> 00:36:45.560
Because I love the guy, but I'm also looking for a balance and that doesn't always happen.

450
00:36:45.560 --> 00:36:49.800
Then I start withdrawing quietly.

451
00:36:49.800 --> 00:36:52.480
It comes out in the bedroom.

452
00:36:52.480 --> 00:36:53.480
You know what I mean?

453
00:36:53.480 --> 00:36:54.480
No, what do you mean?

454
00:36:54.480 --> 00:37:01.320
I withdraw because, and then he's saying, what's going on?

455
00:37:01.320 --> 00:37:04.320
But I'm at the stage now, because we're now 50 years married.

456
00:37:04.320 --> 00:37:06.840
I say to him, I feel as though I'm doing everything.

457
00:37:06.840 --> 00:37:11.120
I'm pulling this tug of war by myself.

458
00:37:11.120 --> 00:37:12.920
Where are you in this equation?

459
00:37:12.920 --> 00:37:15.800
But he's not always aware of that.

460
00:37:15.800 --> 00:37:16.800
Yeah.

461
00:37:16.800 --> 00:37:22.120
Come on, tell me what you're saying here.

462
00:37:22.760 --> 00:37:23.760
It's still like that.

463
00:37:23.760 --> 00:37:24.760
There's an unbalance.

464
00:37:24.760 --> 00:37:25.760
It's uneven.

465
00:37:25.760 --> 00:37:30.680
I'll give my all, not only to him, but to my family.

466
00:37:30.680 --> 00:37:35.440
And sometimes I feel like I'm being manipulated or what am I looking for?

467
00:37:35.440 --> 00:37:40.960
Those are the questions I'm still asking myself.

468
00:37:40.960 --> 00:37:46.280
Obviously, we're only looking at one piece of the puzzle, right?

469
00:37:46.280 --> 00:37:50.720
We can see your piece and that's just a real short testimony there.

470
00:37:51.320 --> 00:37:57.720
So it's kind of a little bit challenging for us, you know, when we just hear one little

471
00:37:57.720 --> 00:37:58.720
snippet.

472
00:37:58.720 --> 00:38:02.720
Well, I was going to say, in some ways, we were like that too.

473
00:38:02.720 --> 00:38:09.400
I felt like I was doing everything I could to keep Benji happy and satisfied and all

474
00:38:09.400 --> 00:38:11.320
of that kind of thing.

475
00:38:11.320 --> 00:38:16.760
And despite me communicating to him what I needed and feeling like I was doing a really

476
00:38:16.760 --> 00:38:20.440
good job at communicating what I needed, he didn't get it.

477
00:38:21.160 --> 00:38:26.680
And so it became a downward spiral of bad communication, bad results.

478
00:38:26.680 --> 00:38:27.680
Beautiful.

479
00:38:27.680 --> 00:38:37.000
So for your story, Lavinia, it could be in line with what we're talking about here in

480
00:38:37.000 --> 00:38:42.040
terms of the intellectual pathway is all about good information.

481
00:38:42.040 --> 00:38:47.720
I mean, so much of it depends on really where your husband's heart is at.

482
00:38:47.720 --> 00:38:52.280
And this could be a good space for a courageous conversation as well, right?

483
00:38:52.280 --> 00:38:57.720
Which courageous conversations belong to both the emotional pathway and the intellectual

484
00:38:57.720 --> 00:38:58.720
pathway.

485
00:38:58.720 --> 00:39:02.400
Because courageous conversations are about getting good information.

486
00:39:02.400 --> 00:39:10.120
So it could be like, hey, where are you at in this marriage?

487
00:39:10.120 --> 00:39:13.160
It could be like having, OK, hey, where are you at in this marriage?

488
00:39:13.160 --> 00:39:15.560
What do you want from this marriage?

489
00:39:15.560 --> 00:39:17.800
What do you think winning looks like in this marriage?

490
00:39:17.800 --> 00:39:24.280
And having a bit of a reassess, which actually goes with the Seven Sacred Pathways.

491
00:39:24.280 --> 00:39:25.280
Have you put that out yet?

492
00:39:25.280 --> 00:39:26.280
Yeah.

493
00:39:26.280 --> 00:39:29.160
This link here, you can get the workbook.

494
00:39:29.160 --> 00:39:34.840
And so in there, there's lots of really good questions for helping you assess what you

495
00:39:34.840 --> 00:39:40.200
want and need and for your husband or wife to assess what they want to need.

496
00:39:40.200 --> 00:39:42.800
And then you can come together and compare notes.

497
00:39:43.200 --> 00:39:47.360
And so the whole point of that is so that you can come out with good information.

498
00:39:48.240 --> 00:39:53.200
So that might be worth looking at as well, because it's all sort of broken down into

499
00:39:53.200 --> 00:39:54.240
questions there.

500
00:39:56.960 --> 00:39:58.880
If anyone here is married,

501
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:06.160
I think that doing the workbook together is one of the craziest challenges you could ever do together.

502
00:40:06.160 --> 00:40:14.160
You will get the most amazing, saucy, deep information that you could. I don't know that

503
00:40:14.160 --> 00:40:20.560
there's any marriage resources out there that will give you as much good information on your spouse

504
00:40:20.560 --> 00:40:26.240
as you'll get by doing the Seven Sacred Pathways to Intimacy Workbook. So that would be a definite

505
00:40:26.320 --> 00:40:31.200
challenge. You'll get so much good information, then it will be really interesting what you do

506
00:40:31.200 --> 00:40:37.920
with that. I think it's really helpful too for you to be able to assess the root of

507
00:40:39.040 --> 00:40:45.280
what you're struggling with and what's the actual root of why this is a problem for you and so that

508
00:40:45.280 --> 00:40:53.280
enables you to then give him good information. The other thing that I'd really drop and then

509
00:40:53.280 --> 00:40:59.840
Lavinia as well is, you're withdrawing rather than giving him good information. You're trying

510
00:40:59.840 --> 00:41:07.040
to communicate something by withdrawing and that slowly, slowly goes on, slowly like a day of

511
00:41:07.040 --> 00:41:12.080
withdrawing, a couple of days and then all of a sudden he's not getting the sweet loving that he

512
00:41:12.080 --> 00:41:19.120
was after and all of a sudden you come to this big climactic moment of having a really significant

513
00:41:19.120 --> 00:41:25.120
conversation because he's not getting sex and it's like oh well you could have like, my question

514
00:41:25.120 --> 00:41:31.360
to you is like what's stopping you from giving him good information like three days before that

515
00:41:31.360 --> 00:41:39.600
while it's not a problem? Oh good one. I think withdrawing long-term leads to what most people

516
00:41:39.600 --> 00:41:44.800
would say we grew apart and it's not we grew apart, it's we withdrew from the conversation.

517
00:41:45.360 --> 00:41:52.000
Because the passive-aggressive way of like doing relationship, you know, if there's a

518
00:41:52.000 --> 00:41:56.880
one person's the yes person, one person's slightly dominating or getting, receiving everyone, one

519
00:41:56.880 --> 00:42:01.200
person's always serving and then one person's always taking. The person who's doing all the

520
00:42:01.200 --> 00:42:06.320
serving and you might be able to fit this, I don't know your story, your relationship well

521
00:42:06.320 --> 00:42:12.800
enough to know, yeah you do, you could figure this out. If you fitted that space, the classic

522
00:42:12.800 --> 00:42:18.640
symptom or kind of behaviors of the passive-aggressive person is they're saying yes and

523
00:42:18.640 --> 00:42:23.360
they're doing so much for the other person that they actually start resenting them and their way

524
00:42:23.360 --> 00:42:29.520
of maintaining control is they actually start punishing them by withdrawing, by withholding.

525
00:42:30.960 --> 00:42:38.640
So they withhold their feelings, they withhold their, how they really feel, what they really

526
00:42:38.640 --> 00:42:42.720
think, they withhold that and it starts with that and then it kind of builds and builds and

527
00:42:42.720 --> 00:42:48.080
builds and then there's kind of like, you know, a stronger expression of punishment that comes out.

528
00:42:48.800 --> 00:42:57.680
Yeah, yeah. Hold on, hold on. I don't think we're at that stage because I'm finding that he

529
00:42:57.680 --> 00:43:06.000
withdraws. If I give a lot of information it's like he's searching for an answer but I don't

530
00:43:06.080 --> 00:43:13.680
always get that answer at that moment. It comes out maybe the following day or two days later.

531
00:43:14.800 --> 00:43:21.920
It's strange. So potentially he just needs time to process. I often need time to process,

532
00:43:21.920 --> 00:43:27.280
so Benji wants the answer now but actually if I have some time to think about it or talk it through

533
00:43:27.280 --> 00:43:34.160
then he gets the honest answer rather than just what I want him, what he, what I think he wants

534
00:43:34.480 --> 00:43:40.400
so we can be done on the conversation. I need to look at that, look at it that way. I'm the,

535
00:43:40.400 --> 00:43:45.760
I'm a person, I want it right there and then so that I can see my path, you know, a lot clearer

536
00:43:45.760 --> 00:43:49.840
where we're going. And we talked about, did we talk about this last week a bit as well,

537
00:43:50.400 --> 00:43:56.320
about allowing your partner to have some processing time if they need that and having,

538
00:43:57.840 --> 00:44:03.200
talking about sort of rules of engagement of when you have these discussions,

539
00:44:03.200 --> 00:44:08.880
how you're going to go about that and what you both need to be able to actually sort of

540
00:44:09.520 --> 00:44:15.920
get to the desired outcome. Yeah we did talk a bit about that last week but here's one of the,

541
00:44:16.560 --> 00:44:23.520
so on the intellectual pathway, the intellectual pathway, so spiritual pathway is about receiving

542
00:44:25.680 --> 00:44:31.840
love, the ability to receive and express divine love perfectly. The emotional pathway is about

543
00:44:31.840 --> 00:44:38.560
the ability to communicate love effectively. The intellectual pathway is about being able to love

544
00:44:38.560 --> 00:44:47.200
your spouse in the way that they want to be loved, you know, but not just, so I think that

545
00:44:47.840 --> 00:44:52.480
on a surface level is the five love languages, right, that's easy. You can kind of read the five

546
00:44:52.480 --> 00:44:59.840
love languages book, okay, they, quality, time, gifts, acts of service, you know, touch or

547
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.840
or what's the other one? Words of affirmation. So, okay, cool.

548
00:45:04.000 --> 00:45:06.480
And I think in our Christian culture, it's kind of like,

549
00:45:06.480 --> 00:45:08.640
okay, that's cool. You're like, now you've mastered

550
00:45:08.640 --> 00:45:10.600
relationships, because you understand the five love

551
00:45:10.600 --> 00:45:14.920
languages. But that's so shallow. It's that that's really

552
00:45:14.920 --> 00:45:17.560
good information, right. But when it comes to the

553
00:45:17.560 --> 00:45:21.200
intellectual pathway, the intellectual pathway is about

554
00:45:21.200 --> 00:45:25.760
becoming the world's leading expert on your spouse. It's

555
00:45:25.760 --> 00:45:28.560
about knowing everything. And a big part of that is, okay, how

556
00:45:28.560 --> 00:45:31.560
do they process? Like, how do they? How do they do

557
00:45:31.560 --> 00:45:34.760
communication? Like, how do they process information? Like,

558
00:45:34.880 --> 00:45:37.600
what's the way that they like that they actually communicate?

559
00:45:37.600 --> 00:45:40.960
Do they? Do they verbally process? Do they? So a lot of

560
00:45:40.960 --> 00:45:43.200
verbally process stuff on the process of stuff?

561
00:45:43.440 --> 00:45:49.080
Yeah. And he thinks my first answer is that it, when

562
00:45:49.080 --> 00:45:51.880
actually, we need like an hour conversation for me to get to

563
00:45:51.880 --> 00:45:54.520
the conclusion. Freaks out.

564
00:45:54.560 --> 00:45:59.960
And I'm like, I'm an internal processor. So she'll be telling

565
00:45:59.960 --> 00:46:03.080
me stuff. And I'll be like, Oh, my gosh, right. She's not

566
00:46:03.080 --> 00:46:06.440
doesn't actually mean that that's not actually her answer.

567
00:46:06.440 --> 00:46:08.360
She's actually just going through the motions of

568
00:46:08.360 --> 00:46:12.120
processing the information with me. And I'm like, Oh, my gosh.

569
00:46:12.160 --> 00:46:16.160
And I'm internally processing that and like building a 30

570
00:46:16.160 --> 00:46:19.600
year plan of what she's saying. And potentially, I'm freaking

571
00:46:19.600 --> 00:46:22.920
out in the past, I used to freak out a little bit because she's

572
00:46:22.920 --> 00:46:25.760
sharing the stuff with me. And I'm like, Oh, that changes our

573
00:46:25.760 --> 00:46:28.360
whole life. But she doesn't actually mean it. She's just

574
00:46:28.360 --> 00:46:31.640
trying to work her way through. She's just like pulling all the

575
00:46:31.680 --> 00:46:34.600
threads and processing the information and using me as a

576
00:46:34.600 --> 00:46:38.640
sounding board. So that's part of the intellectual processes.

577
00:46:38.680 --> 00:46:43.200
How does your partner communicate? Like this is the

578
00:46:43.200 --> 00:46:46.320
intellectual pathway, it's being becoming the world's leading

579
00:46:46.320 --> 00:46:50.440
expert on your partner, and it requires curiosity that you

580
00:46:50.440 --> 00:46:54.040
actually really want to know, you're like, what's your

581
00:46:54.040 --> 00:46:54.720
favorite color?

582
00:46:56.440 --> 00:46:57.080
Doesn't have one.

583
00:46:59.720 --> 00:47:04.440
I do. I don't really talk about it, though. But for some random

584
00:47:04.440 --> 00:47:06.120
reason, I was just thinking about it the other day. And I

585
00:47:06.120 --> 00:47:09.680
was like, Yep, no, it's true. It was kind of like an epiphany

586
00:47:09.680 --> 00:47:12.840
moment for me. I was like, Yeah, no, no, it definitely is. My

587
00:47:12.840 --> 00:47:16.040
favorite color is green. That's it. It is. It's kind of like

588
00:47:16.040 --> 00:47:18.680
having this heart moment just to find myself about my favorite

589
00:47:18.680 --> 00:47:22.400
color. There you go. Now you know. So it's like all those

590
00:47:22.400 --> 00:47:24.440
little things, but it's okay. Well, what do you want on your

591
00:47:24.440 --> 00:47:27.120
toast? Like, I'm gonna make Alana toast. I know what will make

592
00:47:27.120 --> 00:47:31.600
her happy. I was how cool was this? I think I was having a

593
00:47:31.600 --> 00:47:35.400
shave the other day or brushing my teeth. I was just, you know,

594
00:47:35.400 --> 00:47:37.520
I was having I was just getting ready. I was in the bathroom

595
00:47:37.520 --> 00:47:40.320
doing something getting ready for the day. And Alana brought

596
00:47:40.320 --> 00:47:48.480
me an avocado toast. I was like, yeah, this is amazing. I was so

597
00:47:48.480 --> 00:47:52.120
happy. I was like, Oh, yes. Right. I mean, it could have

598
00:47:52.120 --> 00:47:55.160
been avocado toast, or she could have jumped me. But either way,

599
00:47:55.160 --> 00:47:59.360
I would have felt extremely loved. Right. But the avocado

600
00:47:59.360 --> 00:48:03.480
toast like, ah, straight to my heart. And probably would have

601
00:48:03.480 --> 00:48:05.200
preferred it if she jumped me.

602
00:48:05.480 --> 00:48:08.120
Let's be honest, you would always prefer it if I jumped

603
00:48:08.120 --> 00:48:10.360
you. Yeah. Anything else?

604
00:48:11.360 --> 00:48:13.640
Yeah, you usually. But

605
00:48:14.200 --> 00:48:19.480
down. No, I haven't. I haven't. I'm not in the mood. That's

606
00:48:19.480 --> 00:48:24.880
never actually happened. But the avocado toast was awesome. And

607
00:48:24.880 --> 00:48:33.280
it's also great. So five love languages. That's great. If you

608
00:48:33.280 --> 00:48:35.360
haven't, if you don't understand the five love languages, then

609
00:48:35.360 --> 00:48:38.840
you want to make sure that you do. That's a great starting

610
00:48:38.840 --> 00:48:41.840
point. But then you want to be extremely curious. And you want

611
00:48:41.840 --> 00:48:45.000
to you have to understand as well that each season of your

612
00:48:45.000 --> 00:48:48.480
life, there's going to be change, you know, like Lana's

613
00:48:48.520 --> 00:48:51.280
hormones might change or, you know,

614
00:48:51.680 --> 00:48:54.720
just, you know, having babies and small children acts of

615
00:48:54.720 --> 00:48:57.640
service became quite valuable to me when it never was in the

616
00:48:57.640 --> 00:49:01.240
past. So yeah, I think it can fluctuate.

617
00:49:01.280 --> 00:49:05.160
So so that's another thing of the curiosity. It's like, I'm

618
00:49:05.160 --> 00:49:10.480
here. I want to be your dream maker. I want to be the one

619
00:49:10.480 --> 00:49:14.280
person on the planet that is more dedicated than anyone else

620
00:49:14.280 --> 00:49:18.360
to help you living your dreams. But I can only do that if I've

621
00:49:18.360 --> 00:49:22.840
got really, really, really good information. And I need detailed

622
00:49:22.840 --> 00:49:27.960
information. So it puts this massive level of ownership on us

623
00:49:28.160 --> 00:49:33.200
to get really curious about everything. And it's that level

624
00:49:33.200 --> 00:49:37.440
of curiosity that you have about really engaging with your spouse

625
00:49:37.440 --> 00:49:40.040
and wanting to know really what are they like? What do they

626
00:49:40.040 --> 00:49:43.200
love? What do they want? That will really help you. And so

627
00:49:45.640 --> 00:49:51.320
last night, again, Alana got a nice oil massage. No. And I know

628
00:49:51.320 --> 00:49:54.400
that for her, what she likes when it's a night dedicated to

629
00:49:54.400 --> 00:49:57.600
her, she likes to go straight to sleep after getting her massage

630
00:49:57.600 --> 00:49:59.880
without me, you know, like

631
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:09.600
seducing her because I'm really good at that so I'm like I'll just let it be you know but so

632
00:50:10.720 --> 00:50:14.320
so that's something that I know that she really likes and often you know when she's getting a

633
00:50:14.320 --> 00:50:18.720
massage I'm like hey what uh what do you want is there anything you're like maybe sometimes

634
00:50:18.720 --> 00:50:24.000
her feet are really sore she's oh foot massage would be the best or so it's just kind of like

635
00:50:24.000 --> 00:50:28.560
okay hey what do you want there's always this level of curiosity asking wanting to know but

636
00:50:28.560 --> 00:50:36.560
curiosity has to be met with vulnerability I can't tell you what I'm feeling if I ain't safe

637
00:50:37.200 --> 00:50:43.840
yeah so this is where the where the emotional pathway comes in really really strong is you have

638
00:50:43.840 --> 00:50:50.560
to create that safe atmosphere where there they feel safe enough to be totally vulnerable and give

639
00:50:50.560 --> 00:50:56.000
you that good information which also requires courage because if things have been really

640
00:50:56.000 --> 00:51:02.320
challenging at some point you just have to bite the bullet and step out even though you your feet

641
00:51:02.320 --> 00:51:09.680
might get trot on yeah because with safety right sometimes you feel unsafe but the reality is that

642
00:51:09.680 --> 00:51:16.400
the situation isn't safe you're just really insecure right now isn't unsafe hang on what

643
00:51:16.400 --> 00:51:21.520
am i the situation the situation isn't unsafe sorry yeah the situation might not be unsafe

644
00:51:21.520 --> 00:51:28.160
but you perceive it as unsafe right or a person might not be unsafe but you perceive them as unsafe

645
00:51:28.880 --> 00:51:32.320
but the person's not the issue it's your insecurity that's the the real issue

646
00:51:33.520 --> 00:51:39.760
and I think that sometimes we have this big problem with Christians as well as Christians

647
00:51:41.600 --> 00:51:47.200
use this language right but we use it to actually punish people and we use it in a dysfunctional

648
00:51:47.200 --> 00:51:52.000
way where we're like oh yeah that person's really unsafe so I just had to put up a boundary and

649
00:51:52.000 --> 00:51:58.880
block them out of my life forever when really it's actually not the other person that was the issue

650
00:51:59.680 --> 00:52:04.800
you are actually you know we have just come to this place where we feel really insecure or really

651
00:52:04.800 --> 00:52:13.280
scared about something so that's why what Alana's talking about is courage like courage is always

652
00:52:13.280 --> 00:52:19.200
necessary in relationships that you have to have massive courage all the time and I do think often

653
00:52:19.200 --> 00:52:24.080
we're bringing in our previous experiences where those feelings may have been valid and we're

654
00:52:24.080 --> 00:52:28.880
bringing them into our marriage relationships where we're putting them on the other person

655
00:52:28.880 --> 00:52:34.560
not always sometimes the other person has created an unsafe environment in the past but we're pretty

656
00:52:34.560 --> 00:52:40.800
good at carrying stuff from previous life into our marriage as well all right who's got a good

657
00:52:40.800 --> 00:52:46.480
story for us of a spouse who has been really curious they were like they've really like

658
00:52:46.480 --> 00:52:51.200
leaned in wanted to really know your heart and you've met it with vulnerability and it's been

659
00:52:51.200 --> 00:52:55.600
this beautiful space where there's been curiosity and vulnerability and the end result was that you

660
00:52:55.600 --> 00:53:00.960
get really awesome loving who's got a good story for us on that

661
00:53:03.680 --> 00:53:09.840
curiosity and vulnerability meeting in a way that your need gets really really well taken care of

662
00:53:11.200 --> 00:53:11.280
you

663
00:53:15.760 --> 00:53:20.240
jesus help us no one has a marriage where they're getting what they want

664
00:53:20.240 --> 00:53:23.280
i'll go oh you got cool praise him praise him

665
00:53:26.320 --> 00:53:36.640
um i'll talk about my spouse um i um i think um well my wife's amazing and so um when i have

666
00:53:37.600 --> 00:53:42.640
when i get into this moment just speaking about curiosity i think uh what curiosity does is

667
00:53:42.640 --> 00:53:48.880
actually opened up my heart to be understood um and open my heart for me to actually see what's

668
00:53:48.880 --> 00:53:55.120
actually going on in my heart as well so her being curious should often just ask questions and um and

669
00:53:55.120 --> 00:53:59.440
her being a counselor has been a benefit to our marriage like she'll ask the right questions it

670
00:53:59.440 --> 00:54:08.560
just opens me up um and and then um as i'm talking i begin to i begin to realize that

671
00:54:08.560 --> 00:54:15.280
what i'm saying aren't actually true about who i am in god and then it just and then it just

672
00:54:15.280 --> 00:54:21.280
diminishes that lie all because he just actually just asked a question and so um and i found that

673
00:54:21.280 --> 00:54:29.920
like um a lot of our a lot of what would have what many other or many couples would have turned

674
00:54:29.920 --> 00:54:35.040
into an argument was actually stopped because she just was just curious she just asked the question

675
00:54:35.040 --> 00:54:43.040
and and um i think it it it has um stopped and completely cut out any negative or false assumptions

676
00:54:44.320 --> 00:54:49.200
um because you just you just don't know so you can never assume so um and it's created a lot of um

677
00:54:49.520 --> 00:54:55.840
um vulnerability from me and and humility on her side and then vice versa as well

678
00:54:56.400 --> 00:54:59.840
and because she does that for me it's opened me up to then do

679
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:06.560
for her as well because I know I can see how it's done. Instead of her assuming and just pointing

680
00:55:06.560 --> 00:55:10.880
fingers, why you should do this, why you should do this, well actually how are you feeling and

681
00:55:11.600 --> 00:55:17.040
how does that make you feel? And as a man who necessarily isn't allowed to talk about manly

682
00:55:17.040 --> 00:55:25.040
feelings in this world, it opens my heart up. I'll share actual time. So do you remember that

683
00:55:25.040 --> 00:55:34.400
trip we took to Auckland after we had baby? So after we had baby, everything changes and I think

684
00:55:34.400 --> 00:55:40.400
he was coming up to four months old and we had really not had a lot of time with each other.

685
00:55:41.280 --> 00:55:50.720
My body was still healing so sex was kind of not really happening great and I was really struggling

686
00:55:50.720 --> 00:55:55.120
and before we left I was journaling and talking to God and I was like oh man like I just don't

687
00:55:55.120 --> 00:56:00.000
know what to do. I'm really angry at him for this and this and this and this like and I just felt

688
00:56:00.000 --> 00:56:05.920
like the Holy Spirit said like just find a time to ask him what's going on for him and so when we

689
00:56:05.920 --> 00:56:10.720
got in the car to go to Auckland, the baby fell asleep and we had like two hours before we had

690
00:56:10.720 --> 00:56:15.920
to like stop and it was like the most precious two hours we have had. Two hours of

691
00:56:15.920 --> 00:56:22.960
intimacy guys. It was so amazing and like I got to ask him and like he told me like all the things

692
00:56:22.960 --> 00:56:27.680
he'd been thinking that I had no idea about and I'd been like frustrated about all this stuff but

693
00:56:27.680 --> 00:56:32.880
it wasn't really the issue at all. It was just like just that we hadn't had time to connect and

694
00:56:32.880 --> 00:56:40.560
talk and like be with each other like we had been before we had kids. I kid and that was just

695
00:56:40.560 --> 00:56:45.120
that was the coolest one. I feel like the Holy Spirit was like in the car. Yeah I think curiosity

696
00:56:45.120 --> 00:56:51.280
really allows us to be unified. Keeps us unified other than just being separated because of

697
00:56:52.080 --> 00:56:57.440
assumptions and negative thoughts and stuff like that. And sometimes I just tell him this is the

698
00:56:57.440 --> 00:57:09.520
question I want you to ask me right now. That is brilliant. So I mean I think right it's such a

699
00:57:10.400 --> 00:57:15.680
oh that's such a nice concept right of having you know being dream makers for each other. It sounds

700
00:57:15.680 --> 00:57:23.040
so nice right? Being yeah that's the divine plan for us to you know be the number one person that's

701
00:57:23.040 --> 00:57:30.800
you know devoted to serving you or in the whole world. Yeah like nice thoughts right? But if we

702
00:57:30.800 --> 00:57:37.520
aren't balancing or mastering the spiritual pathway and the emotional pathway and the intellectual

703
00:57:37.520 --> 00:57:47.920
pathway things can get really really far from that really quickly. So love hearing what you

704
00:57:47.920 --> 00:57:52.400
guys are sharing there. Beautiful stories. Our best chats have often been in the car as well

705
00:57:52.960 --> 00:57:58.400
because I think because you're stuck together and it's kind of helpful that you're not looking at

706
00:57:58.400 --> 00:58:02.160
each other. That you're kind of a little bit distracted with what's going on around you

707
00:58:02.800 --> 00:58:06.320
and I think that's definitely when our best heart-to-hearts have been too. Especially if

708
00:58:06.320 --> 00:58:11.120
you've got like eight hours of driving ahead of you. You get there eventually to talk about

709
00:58:11.120 --> 00:58:24.720
the real stuff. And the kids are asleep in the back. Yeah. So let's jump into Anthony and Sonia.

710
00:58:24.720 --> 00:58:30.560
Let's jump into your relationship for a little bit. We said at the start we'd come back to you

711
00:58:30.560 --> 00:58:34.560
guys. So you're experiencing a bit of chaos, a bit of tension. You've had a little bit of

712
00:58:35.520 --> 00:58:39.920
yeah now we'll just check in with you as well. I see you're unmuting so this might be a positive

713
00:58:39.920 --> 00:58:45.760
sign. But just checking in that you feel safe enough to chat about your relationship and

714
00:58:45.760 --> 00:58:48.960
checking in if you're happy just for us to do a little bit of a Dr Phil with you guys.

715
00:58:50.400 --> 00:58:59.040
It's okay. It's okay. It's okay for you guys? Yeah. Yeah. All right well if you feel unsafe

716
00:58:59.040 --> 00:59:03.280
remember like the whole dynamic. This doesn't work if people don't feel safe because we just

717
00:59:03.280 --> 00:59:08.560
start lying to each other or checking out you know or not giving accurate information. So

718
00:59:09.360 --> 00:59:13.680
a bunch of us are total strangers for you guys. So if you don't feel safe then

719
00:59:14.400 --> 00:59:19.280
that's no worries at all. Just like be like oh no I'm kind of done on that question for now.

720
00:59:20.240 --> 00:59:26.080
Or ultimately there's a little red button you know on your screen which says end and you can

721
00:59:26.080 --> 00:59:31.440
just self-eject from the conversation really easily. You can just blame it on the internet

722
00:59:31.440 --> 00:59:34.800
or something right. Oh yeah I've got no idea what happened to the connection.

723
00:59:36.720 --> 00:59:43.440
So if you feel safe let's chat. If you're like oh no that's like not good for me then just chill

724
00:59:43.440 --> 00:59:48.720
out and you know you can just say I'm done. I see Del's jumped in with us as well. That's what your

725
00:59:48.720 --> 00:59:56.160
Zoom name says Del. So I hope that's your name. Welcome. Good to have you with us. So Sonia and

726
00:59:56.160 --> 00:59:59.840
Anthony why don't you just give us a little bit of a picture.

727
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:06.320
um of weirdies that have had you guys been separated for a while um we were separated at

728
01:00:06.320 --> 01:00:15.040
one point um it happened around um when things turned to custard virtually turned to custard

729
01:00:15.040 --> 01:00:21.280
because um when i was suffering depression anthony actually suffers from depression as

730
01:00:21.280 --> 01:00:29.280
well but i suffered with it i didn't realize i was suffering from um a touch of um postnatal

731
01:00:29.280 --> 01:00:33.760
postnatal depression i was hanging on to it and i didn't realize i was going through it

732
01:00:34.640 --> 01:00:39.440
and i was struggling with my kids and not knowing that they have global development

733
01:00:39.440 --> 01:00:46.320
delay it was not easy either because it was hard dealing with kids in that situation um but however

734
01:00:46.320 --> 01:00:52.640
i stood strong but with situation with their relationship i found it hard to open up to

735
01:00:52.640 --> 01:01:00.400
anthony and and i think vice versa because i was withdrawing and he was withdrawing so it was like a

736
01:01:02.720 --> 01:01:03.440
rollercoaster

737
01:01:05.360 --> 01:01:12.480
how long ago were you separated i was about five years ago about five years ago um it was only

738
01:01:12.480 --> 01:01:19.840
through only through doing um um cleansing streams because we went through cleansing streams um

739
01:01:20.800 --> 01:01:29.040
to well separately and together and we dealt with a lot of stuff and um not long after that the holy

740
01:01:29.040 --> 01:01:35.840
spirit told us there was no excuses we had to get back together it was pretty much it was um it was

741
01:01:35.840 --> 01:01:42.400
really amazing how that happened but it was letting go of all the stuff that was causing all the um

742
01:01:42.480 --> 01:01:49.920
havoc within that relationship and um to me um i'll be honest spiritual adultery and um

743
01:01:49.920 --> 01:01:57.760
adulterous behavior cause and stuff was a causal part of it and and um but he forgave me and we

744
01:01:57.760 --> 01:02:02.400
just was lead just to walk over forgave and just walk over a threshold and just leave that behind

745
01:02:02.400 --> 01:02:11.600
us which which we did but so you had an affair kind of like that yeah yeah and when we were

746
01:02:11.600 --> 01:02:17.600
separated when i was when you were separated kind of like that i just i need like good information

747
01:02:17.600 --> 01:02:22.720
to be able to give you good information so yeah yeah no that yeah we had that and plus uh yeah

748
01:02:22.720 --> 01:02:27.920
in spiritual adultery we're talking to some men on the line which type of that type of stuff which

749
01:02:27.920 --> 01:02:34.080
is similar type of stuff so so just so that so that we're clear and i want to be safe about it

750
01:02:34.080 --> 01:02:40.240
but i need like i can't really give you good information if i've just got like half understanding

751
01:02:40.240 --> 01:02:46.720
so you did have an affair when you were separated or you yes yes i did yeah okay and did that go

752
01:02:46.720 --> 01:02:53.440
how long were you guys separated um we were separate well when i went into woman's refuge

753
01:02:53.440 --> 01:02:58.400
because things turned to catholic and i ended up under woman's refuge because of my heart

754
01:02:59.360 --> 01:03:06.800
yeah anthony do you want to explain about that oh yeah um i had a kind of um thing going with um

755
01:03:06.800 --> 01:03:12.960
anxiety and anger so we go anxiety um anger

756
01:03:15.120 --> 01:03:20.080
anxiety control the need to control situations

757
01:03:22.000 --> 01:03:27.920
and then the realization that i couldn't and then i get angry and then from there it got

758
01:03:28.560 --> 01:03:35.360
sort of worse okay so you were you in woman's refuge because of violence yeah pretty much yeah

759
01:03:35.360 --> 01:03:39.120
because he was attacking the kids with noise because he couldn't handle noise and

760
01:03:41.920 --> 01:03:49.760
i have um high functioning autism which is like it's got pros and cons to it but i mean i was

761
01:03:49.760 --> 01:03:56.080
diagnosed in my 50s which is quite ridiculous but i kind of i'm still working through the anger of

762
01:03:56.080 --> 01:04:03.520
that that very fact that i've had to live a life of dysfunction social maladjustment and emotional

763
01:04:03.520 --> 01:04:14.000
deprivation and of course sonia and i we process information vastly differently i think and so it's

764
01:04:14.000 --> 01:04:22.000
like really it's a matter of intervention and um some of the things that have happened have been

765
01:04:22.000 --> 01:04:26.640
good and some of them haven't been really satisfactory at all and so we're left with

766
01:04:26.640 --> 01:04:34.560
the kind of frustration and remnants of our past and and things and um one of the things i've i've

767
01:04:34.560 --> 01:04:42.560
really given up is shame even if i have to um stomp up and down and on my own and and say this

768
01:04:42.560 --> 01:04:49.520
is not me this is not me this is not the true me only god knows the true me what people say about

769
01:04:49.600 --> 01:04:55.920
me is it's not the full picture i only see pieces bits and pieces god sees everything

770
01:04:56.560 --> 01:04:59.920
and so i stand on the word of god as my righteousness

771
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:11.640
and, sorry about the outbursts, you know, all my life I feel I have not been listened to and so I

772
01:05:11.640 --> 01:05:18.560
haven't spoken or even tried to figure out what communication is or what a relationship is or

773
01:05:18.560 --> 01:05:27.960
who I am in this world. So I feel like from a young age I have been kind of repressed, suppressed,

774
01:05:27.960 --> 01:05:36.200
something like that. I'm sort of struggling for words but it's kind of like it's affected my

775
01:05:36.200 --> 01:05:48.440
faith life but then it's a three-chord, it's a, what do they call it, a three-chord? A three-strand

776
01:05:48.440 --> 01:05:56.640
chord. A three-strand chord, yes. And God, without God we can't do any of this stuff, we can't work

777
01:05:56.640 --> 01:06:01.720
through any of this stuff effectively, I don't think. I'll leave it there. Okay, cool, that's

778
01:06:01.720 --> 01:06:10.640
cool. All right, so you guys have had a bit of a journey, your anger drove her away and she's

779
01:06:10.640 --> 01:06:16.080
away, she has an affair, you both start addressing some of your mess, you come back together and

780
01:06:16.080 --> 01:06:25.040
everything is perfect and you live happily ever after. We had our children removed from

781
01:06:25.040 --> 01:06:34.480
Oranga Tamariki. Stop, stop, stop, I can't hear you, slow down. Our children were removed from Oranga Tamariki,

782
01:06:34.480 --> 01:06:44.600
well that was six back then, it was nine years ago. And within this we've had to deal with, well

783
01:06:44.600 --> 01:06:53.280
basically we had to deal with that, only seeing our kids four hours a month and that was a toll

784
01:06:53.280 --> 01:07:06.320
on that relationship. But that wasn't easy to deal with. No, that sounds insanely difficult. But despite

785
01:07:06.320 --> 01:07:12.000
everything we just held it together and we never gave up seeing our kids and that's been addressed

786
01:07:12.000 --> 01:07:20.480
in the court and being told because of the way my husband's wired and how to let go of that

787
01:07:20.560 --> 01:07:26.080
because that's why we can't have our kids back together because he's got a spurges, I've got a

788
01:07:26.080 --> 01:07:33.840
slight form of challenging impairment type of thing. But despite everything I've overcome a lot

789
01:07:33.840 --> 01:07:38.080
of that stuff through the Lord, the strength, but it's the world's way of looking at things, it's not

790
01:07:38.080 --> 01:07:44.640
exactly easy to deal with but we've had to push through it. And I keep getting from the Lord that

791
01:07:44.640 --> 01:07:50.320
we just have to walk in unity and just move past this and make a stronger relationship between

792
01:07:50.480 --> 01:07:56.880
the two of us. So no, it's a roller coaster. And then I was starting to get anger and detentment

793
01:07:57.760 --> 01:08:04.640
because I was hearing all this stuff. And then I just had to let it go and realise and wait a minute

794
01:08:04.640 --> 01:08:08.880
because I'm meant to be praying for my husband, building each other up, not tearing them down

795
01:08:08.880 --> 01:08:14.000
because I hear it. To build one another up is the key and not to tear one another up and we're

796
01:08:14.000 --> 01:08:20.240
supposed to be iron sharpens iron type of thing together and which isn't easy when you hear that

797
01:08:20.240 --> 01:08:25.680
stuff. But it's a point of encouraging him to well, the Lord knows through me that he needs

798
01:08:25.680 --> 01:08:34.479
to rise up and I need to be more proactive about praying for each other when we hear something

799
01:08:34.479 --> 01:08:42.960
against one another. And especially in a situation of court and the court session, we were facing a

800
01:08:42.960 --> 01:08:51.439
judge what our kids are in care. But I understood it because it's important to keeping our kids safe

801
01:08:52.160 --> 01:08:58.880
while we're dealing with and going through stuff. Okay, so question for you. We've got a bit of

802
01:08:58.880 --> 01:09:07.359
context now. But so where are you guys at right now in terms of your sense of connection and

803
01:09:07.359 --> 01:09:14.160
intimacy and how happy you are with your relationship right now? So like, you might

804
01:09:14.160 --> 01:09:19.439
think you might be in both different places. And that's okay. And this might be oversimplified. But

805
01:09:20.000 --> 01:09:25.520
let me just chuck this out there anyway, on a one to 10 scale of how happy you are with your

806
01:09:25.520 --> 01:09:30.640
relationship right now. I just like to hear from you guys. How happy are you with the level of

807
01:09:30.640 --> 01:09:35.840
intimacy in your marriage right now? So each of you can come up with a different number. It's

808
01:09:35.840 --> 01:09:44.399
fine. 10 is the absolute best. One's the absolute worst. Where do you feel like you're at in your

809
01:09:45.359 --> 01:09:47.200
level of intimacy in your marriage right now?

810
01:09:54.560 --> 01:09:59.840
I can't feel like quite a lot of the time I made it four. But sometimes, oh, the other day.

811
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:06.960
night we had a wonderful romantic evening and it was about a nine, yeah, and then so

812
01:10:06.960 --> 01:10:15.360
that average is nine and four is thirteen minus two is four, five, six average. It goes

813
01:10:15.360 --> 01:10:23.640
from four to nine. Okay that's great. Is that right? Yeah, well it's probably better for

814
01:10:23.640 --> 01:10:30.800
you than it is for me. So that's good for you. So you're about a six. How about yourself

815
01:10:30.800 --> 01:10:42.840
Sonia? Where would you say you feel like your relationship is at? I think about a five to

816
01:10:42.840 --> 01:10:51.000
be honest because at one stage I felt faith because of stuff, anger still coming out and

817
01:10:51.000 --> 01:10:57.600
I had to deal with to get over the anger and stuff. And yeah, five is just letting go and

818
01:10:57.600 --> 01:11:09.880
just relaxing with one another at the moment. Yeah. Okay. All right. So here's my kind of

819
01:11:09.880 --> 01:11:19.880
little, I guess here's my response. Here's my responses. I think that all of the norms

820
01:11:19.880 --> 01:11:24.280
in our culture and everything that you've experienced as a normal in your culture, the

821
01:11:24.280 --> 01:11:28.200
blueprints that you will have seen in your own family, your image of what you thought

822
01:11:28.200 --> 01:11:33.320
marriage is going to be like, what it's supposed to be like. You guys have set up, I would

823
01:11:33.320 --> 01:11:40.560
suggest in a sense that culturally you guys have been set up to fail really badly. That's

824
01:11:40.560 --> 01:11:46.840
my perspective is I'm not surprised that with the places that you came from, the information

825
01:11:46.840 --> 01:11:52.680
that you had, the normal that you saw, and when you came together with those worlds that

826
01:11:52.680 --> 01:11:59.560
you had the experience that you had, right? It's because it's so common and it's so common

827
01:11:59.560 --> 01:12:05.920
that people don't get equipped to have extreme intimacy. Like they, people don't get trained

828
01:12:05.920 --> 01:12:11.880
from the time they're little, how to have the most amazing marriage possible. And so

829
01:12:11.880 --> 01:12:16.080
people see a blueprint of dysfunction and think that's all there is, or, you know, like

830
01:12:16.080 --> 01:12:22.240
they have different issues and never in their whole lifetime do those issues get addressed

831
01:12:22.240 --> 01:12:25.600
in a healthy way that's actually going to produce transformation, set them up for a

832
01:12:25.600 --> 01:12:33.640
phenomenal marriage, right? So that's my thought, right? Is that there's so much going on in

833
01:12:33.640 --> 01:12:40.080
your marriage right now, which is why you're peaking out at a five or a six. And there's

834
01:12:40.080 --> 01:12:46.080
so much going on there for you in terms of what the challenges are that there's no simple

835
01:12:46.080 --> 01:12:52.200
like, oh yeah, like real, like here's an easy solution. So I do really recommend that you

836
01:12:52.200 --> 01:12:58.680
read, like read the book, like this is a real challenge. You read the book. And if you really

837
01:12:58.680 --> 01:13:04.200
feel courageous, do the workbook together. Like if you really want to fight for your

838
01:13:04.200 --> 01:13:07.680
marriage, I'd encourage you to do that workbook together. If you have some value for your

839
01:13:07.680 --> 01:13:12.800
marriage, and you want to set it up for success, do that workbook, I dare you. But here's my

840
01:13:12.800 --> 01:13:23.680
like, here's my, I guess my response to you is that your road forward, if you want to

841
01:13:23.680 --> 01:13:30.520
change things, the only way you're going to be able to do that is by embracing a ridiculous

842
01:13:30.520 --> 01:13:37.240
amount of hard things. Right, you're going to have to embrace doing hard things every

843
01:13:37.800 --> 01:13:41.240
day, you're going to have to be really intentional about choosing your heart. Do you want the

844
01:13:41.240 --> 01:13:47.960
hardship of marriage only ever being, you know, like a five or a six, and never experiencing

845
01:13:47.960 --> 01:13:52.120
the level of intimacy that you want? Or do you want to take on the hard things of the

846
01:13:52.120 --> 01:13:57.400
challenges right now that are actually going to resolve the deep core issues that have

847
01:13:57.400 --> 01:14:02.440
been built into you over your whole lives that are producing the challenges that you're

848
01:14:02.440 --> 01:14:05.960
facing now. So you're going to have to, that's really where you're going to be have to be

849
01:14:06.040 --> 01:14:10.120
at is to choose, okay, because it's not like sometimes a relationship, it's like, okay,

850
01:14:10.120 --> 01:14:16.280
you've just got like one thing here for you guys, you've got a storm. And you've already

851
01:14:16.280 --> 01:14:19.640
experienced the storm that separated you, you've experienced the storm that's produced

852
01:14:19.640 --> 01:14:24.760
your adultery, but then you've also produced your experience coming back together, you've

853
01:14:24.760 --> 01:14:30.200
experienced some like nine out of 10 moments, you love each other, there's this beauty there.

854
01:14:30.200 --> 01:14:35.240
But to really create the type of marriage that God has for you, you guys are going to

855
01:14:35.240 --> 01:14:41.800
have to overcome so many giants that have set you up for failure your whole life, like all

856
01:14:41.800 --> 01:14:44.600
these things that have been like, yeah, we're going to destroy you this way, we're going to

857
01:14:44.600 --> 01:14:48.520
destroy you this way, we're going to destroy you this way. The cool thing is that you can

858
01:14:48.520 --> 01:14:52.840
actually overcome them. But the reality is that it is not going to be easy.

859
01:14:53.480 --> 01:14:57.720
And I think one thing that was helpful for us at times was outside help. I'm assuming

860
01:14:57.720 --> 01:14:59.880
that you've probably got outside help.

861
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:05.600
out whether that's counsellors or doctors or social workers or whatever but using those

862
01:15:05.600 --> 01:15:10.120
people as well to help you journey through is really important yeah it's not always easy

863
01:15:10.120 --> 01:15:15.760
to find good help either you know like because if you go to your local council or your local

864
01:15:15.760 --> 01:15:22.640
this person that person sometimes they're more harm than good so networking for um for

865
01:15:22.640 --> 01:15:33.520
external help uh agencies like parent courses and for my um asd um some help for managing

866
01:15:33.520 --> 01:15:40.400
sensory issues and emotional developing emotional intelligence yeah and i think for you guys

867
01:15:40.400 --> 01:15:46.360
that's a really important part of this as well um as having that external help personally

868
01:15:46.360 --> 01:15:52.200
as well as together and that and that for us as well was like a bullet that i had to

869
01:15:52.200 --> 01:15:58.360
bite um in the sense of i realized finally oh my gosh i didn't realize i'd been the one

870
01:15:58.360 --> 01:16:03.000
that had been causing all the issues in our marriage but i realized i had that finally

871
01:16:03.000 --> 01:16:07.000
i had that realization like oh man i'm actually the one that's causing all this chaos and

872
01:16:07.000 --> 01:16:11.640
i'm gonna have to choose if i want to keep living with all this chaos or if i want to

873
01:16:11.800 --> 01:16:18.200
do a whole lot of hard things that will result in redesigning our marriage into something that

874
01:16:18.200 --> 01:16:25.000
we really really want so um i guess that there's so much going on for you guys that really the

875
01:16:25.000 --> 01:16:28.600
key and i think that's actually the key for most relationships in the book we just really cover

876
01:16:28.600 --> 01:16:35.880
this is that the one of the biggest keys to a marriage thriving is embracing a lifestyle of

877
01:16:35.880 --> 01:16:41.160
doing hard things like for example a hard thing's not necessarily always that hard but it's like

878
01:16:41.160 --> 01:16:45.720
making a choice to do it even if you're like ah like last night i might just sleep in today

879
01:16:46.520 --> 01:16:51.000
yeah well last night i was like i didn't want to give alana a message right you should have seen

880
01:16:52.760 --> 01:16:56.920
i didn't want it like there's just this little part of me that's like oh now i could just watch

881
01:16:56.920 --> 01:17:01.000
some more tv you know we could we just we're just chilling we'll just keep on chilling and

882
01:17:01.000 --> 01:17:07.560
not do that but then i was like actually i need to just i need to do the hard thing it's actually

883
01:17:07.560 --> 01:17:13.080
not going to be that difficult but i just needed to change my mindset deal with my own laziness

884
01:17:13.800 --> 01:17:18.200
and go actually no i'm really going to look after my wife here like this is something that

885
01:17:18.200 --> 01:17:22.680
uh this is a way that i can look after her and so it's just like that's a simple thing

886
01:17:22.680 --> 01:17:28.280
but it's just making those decisions all the time of like there's a simple way where i can really

887
01:17:28.280 --> 01:17:34.040
love on my wife and i can actually choose to it might not be the biggest deal if i don't do it

888
01:17:34.040 --> 01:17:40.120
right but if i keep choosing those little outs then i'm going to reap the reward of that but if

889
01:17:40.120 --> 01:17:44.920
i keep choosing the little ways of like okay i know this is going to really bless it um i know

890
01:17:44.920 --> 01:17:50.120
this is going to be uh there's some something going to be really helpful or i know actually

891
01:17:50.120 --> 01:17:54.360
if i deal with this issue in myself that's going to produce a real big amount of fruit in my

892
01:17:55.080 --> 01:18:02.440
relationship so yeah i hope that's um helpful for you guys i'm really really proud of you for

893
01:18:02.440 --> 01:18:09.720
sharing where you're at it's a massive journey um and so many others are you know dealing with

894
01:18:09.720 --> 01:18:15.000
similar things to you guys so i think you know if we had more time we could go deeper into some of

895
01:18:15.000 --> 01:18:20.840
the some of the you know kind of the specifics but i don't think we'll try and get all the specifics

896
01:18:20.840 --> 01:18:28.760
for today um but really really appreciate your vulnerability and your sharing and loving seeing

897
01:18:28.760 --> 01:18:35.160
what you are doing already that's producing some really significant progress in your journey so

898
01:18:35.160 --> 01:18:42.920
far so we're really excited for you thank you benji thank you welcome guys welcome welcome

899
01:18:43.960 --> 01:18:53.000
um let's uh let's hassle cat here because um she's so much fun all right

900
01:18:53.160 --> 01:19:01.720
okay tell us one of the ways that you are curious with your husband about figuring out what he

901
01:19:01.720 --> 01:19:11.720
really wants good question it was like wow trying to plow away on that um

902
01:19:13.240 --> 01:19:16.760
i know that he is someone who needs time

903
01:19:17.640 --> 01:19:22.520
like probably that whole car situation is very common to me actually i have to say where

904
01:19:23.960 --> 01:19:29.400
like we don't get a lot of time to at all talk like this life is so full um

905
01:19:30.200 --> 01:19:37.160
that that i know if i throw out one question and just say nothing it will be i get an hour

906
01:19:37.160 --> 01:19:44.760
of conversation from him but to actually have time is probably the main issue there but i know that

907
01:19:44.760 --> 01:19:51.720
but i know that um yeah it's really good just to ask him one thing and just leave it

908
01:19:52.920 --> 01:19:59.800
and that will be unraveling a whole you know a whole lot of his thoughts on things

909
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:05.800
and not to fire too many questions. I think it gets him like a little bit

910
01:20:05.800 --> 01:20:12.160
because I can be a bit quite actively talking and I think it gets him a bit

911
01:20:12.160 --> 01:20:16.040
overwhelmed sometimes or he thinks I vary when I don't vary but I'm just

912
01:20:16.040 --> 01:20:22.000
curious too curious maybe and I guess just knowing that that's how he ticks

913
01:20:22.000 --> 01:20:28.440
and just appreciating that I would have heaps more I'm my curiosity is quite

914
01:20:28.960 --> 01:20:36.200
so but I have to watch that as well I think it can be negative as well in that

915
01:20:36.200 --> 01:20:42.040
sense for us but he's really good at knowing what to share and when to share

916
01:20:42.040 --> 01:20:46.120
with me because he protects me something stressed me when he tells me and I'm

917
01:20:46.120 --> 01:20:50.160
like maybe I don't want to know maybe you just keep that to yourself right now

918
01:20:50.160 --> 01:20:56.960
but it's been over the years learning that I guess really yeah what do you

919
01:20:56.960 --> 01:21:07.520
feel like in your marriage that he knows what you want when you want it and how

920
01:21:07.520 --> 01:21:14.320
you like it pretty pretty good pretty good

921
01:21:14.320 --> 01:21:18.560
that's probably the odd time where he would like me to jump him and I don't

922
01:21:18.560 --> 01:21:28.720
want to okay I'm sleeping but like it's just like I think I guess we're not

923
01:21:28.720 --> 01:21:34.480
aware of where one another is it I mean because we're good friends too really I

924
01:21:34.480 --> 01:21:43.160
think that's really helpful and I think he's better at it than I am to be honest

925
01:21:43.160 --> 01:21:48.600
I think he's kinder to me than I'm to him like I can pull out the method

926
01:21:48.600 --> 01:21:54.760
manipulation at times when I push him yeah yeah what would be one of the ways

927
01:21:54.760 --> 01:22:02.720
that you most commonly manipulate in your marriage I think I do like when I

928
01:22:02.720 --> 01:22:09.840
when something's annoys me then I do get quiet yeah and I do and you do need a

929
01:22:09.840 --> 01:22:15.880
timeout kind of moment I think and that's something I'm annoyed about

930
01:22:15.880 --> 01:22:19.640
myself at times I'm like oh man I need to overcome this is stupid it's like a

931
01:22:19.640 --> 01:22:27.840
tantrum you know throwing like a tantrum but yeah I'm still human sorry so the

932
01:22:27.840 --> 01:22:32.000
tantrum that's a really interesting concept right because when we're talking

933
01:22:32.000 --> 01:22:36.440
about how two powerful people right if you've got a relationship and this is

934
01:22:36.440 --> 01:22:40.160
like a really interesting part of our journey right because we're on a journey

935
01:22:40.160 --> 01:22:48.680
towards becoming two powerful people and a question for you is do do powerful

936
01:22:48.680 --> 01:22:51.880
people have tantrums

937
01:22:52.360 --> 01:23:00.120
definitely they have tantrums oh yeah I think here's my here's my thought is

938
01:23:00.120 --> 01:23:10.080
that powerful people maybe it looks maybe there's a little bit there around

939
01:23:10.080 --> 01:23:14.000
the definition of what a tantrum is right it's because sometimes a tantrum

940
01:23:14.000 --> 01:23:21.240
can be used to punish a person right so it depends if you're using a tantrum as

941
01:23:21.240 --> 01:23:26.760
a way of punishing a person because if we're using a tantrum as a way of

942
01:23:26.760 --> 01:23:31.760
punishing a person then that is not how a powerful person behaves that's what I

943
01:23:31.760 --> 01:23:47.200
used to do to a lot of all the time so I would sulk and I would just see any noise

944
01:23:47.200 --> 01:23:54.600
coming out it's silent but it's really obviously an unsafe negative attitude

945
01:23:54.600 --> 01:23:59.640
creating a negative atmosphere which put her into an amygdala hijack and so

946
01:23:59.640 --> 01:24:04.800
when I did kind of finally say something to her out of my out of my little realm

947
01:24:04.800 --> 01:24:10.280
of sulking she would be like I don't know and I'm like trigger to a whole

948
01:24:10.280 --> 01:24:17.760
nother level but so the question would be is do you use that tank it's like

949
01:24:17.760 --> 01:24:22.320
because there's one dynamic of I can just I'm processing a real like how I

950
01:24:22.320 --> 01:24:27.840
really feel I just need a bit of time just a process that I feel her or I feel

951
01:24:27.840 --> 01:24:32.400
I've got these feelings that I'm dealing with right now so it's one thing to be

952
01:24:32.400 --> 01:24:36.320
dealing with our feelings and just need some time to deal with ourselves and

953
01:24:36.320 --> 01:24:40.520
kind of you know have a time out and get ourselves together that's one thing you

954
01:24:40.520 --> 01:24:44.920
can do that in a healthy way but the moment that it becomes about the way

955
01:24:44.920 --> 01:24:50.400
that I used to use it which is actually to punish and control and really

956
01:24:50.400 --> 01:24:53.720
punishment is actually really about trying to trying to find a way to

957
01:24:53.720 --> 01:24:58.200
manipulate and control the person that's what I was ultimately what I wished was

958
01:24:58.200 --> 01:25:01.960
Alana would just do what

959
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:02.000
I wanted her to do.

960
01:25:02.000 --> 01:25:03.000
Yeah.

961
01:25:03.000 --> 01:25:04.000
Yeah.

962
01:25:04.000 --> 01:25:11.480
Well, how do you feel like that tantrums used or the purpose or what's going on?

963
01:25:11.480 --> 01:25:18.240
I think for me, I'm just trying to, you know, lock it down into something.

964
01:25:18.240 --> 01:25:24.680
I think it is a little bit like, it's a build up often of a lack of time spent.

965
01:25:24.680 --> 01:25:29.640
And then it's like, you know, and then it can, then I have to watch myself talk.

966
01:25:29.640 --> 01:25:32.920
You know, it's moments like, oh, you never, you know, they're kind of like, oh, he's never

967
01:25:32.920 --> 01:25:33.920
doing this.

968
01:25:33.920 --> 01:25:36.760
And I'm like, Hey, but, um, same time though.

969
01:25:36.760 --> 01:25:45.720
I think that that builds off lack of time to communicate and actually sitting down before

970
01:25:45.720 --> 01:25:48.400
it overboils, isn't it?

971
01:25:48.400 --> 01:25:55.480
And, um, I, I mean, he's not someone who can be manipulated full stop, so I might be trying,

972
01:25:55.480 --> 01:26:00.160
but he's probably powerful in that sense that he sees through it as well.

973
01:26:00.160 --> 01:26:07.240
So in a way I'm learning on that and I know actually it's kind of, if I feel stink, then

974
01:26:07.240 --> 01:26:12.800
I have to rather, you know, I get, I just struggle with the emotion of it, I think,

975
01:26:12.800 --> 01:26:15.400
because I'm so fast reared up.

976
01:26:15.400 --> 01:26:24.240
I think that's more trying to not get it to a point of just being fiery, I guess.

977
01:26:24.240 --> 01:26:27.160
I think it's a bit of a weakness I have for sure.

978
01:26:27.160 --> 01:26:28.160
Okay.

979
01:26:28.160 --> 01:26:32.680
Um, now here's a, here's a question for you.

980
01:26:32.680 --> 01:26:38.720
Is there any way that you guys could put some other boundaries in place to protect your

981
01:26:38.720 --> 01:26:40.720
time together?

982
01:26:40.720 --> 01:26:48.120
Um, that's definitely a point of homework.

983
01:26:48.120 --> 01:26:55.680
I'll put this out there because this is the, there's so much tension in life, right?

984
01:26:55.680 --> 01:26:56.680
As an adult.

985
01:26:56.680 --> 01:27:01.400
I saw this interesting picture the other day, it had all of these things that were really,

986
01:27:01.400 --> 01:27:02.400
really major priorities.

987
01:27:02.400 --> 01:27:05.960
It was a height, like, you know, there's like eight or nine of these things that were really

988
01:27:05.960 --> 01:27:06.960
important.

989
01:27:06.960 --> 01:27:13.920
And then in the middle of the circle, it said, the title was what life is like as an adult.

990
01:27:13.920 --> 01:27:18.160
And then there's like all these major priorities, about eight or nine of them.

991
01:27:18.160 --> 01:27:24.240
And then the middle, it said, pick three.

992
01:27:24.240 --> 01:27:27.800
And what your brain starts doing is just like bouncing from one to the next, like, Oh my

993
01:27:27.800 --> 01:27:28.800
gosh, which three?

994
01:27:28.800 --> 01:27:29.800
Oh my gosh.

995
01:27:29.800 --> 01:27:30.800
Oh my God.

996
01:27:30.800 --> 01:27:33.880
And it's like, always a compromise, always a juggle, always a balance of trying to like,

997
01:27:33.880 --> 01:27:36.640
how do I balance all of these things?

998
01:27:36.640 --> 01:27:41.520
But one of the, one of the things that is a moment of extreme ownership for us in that

999
01:27:41.600 --> 01:27:47.760
process is we often say, I don't have time for this because we're in this

1000
01:27:49.160 --> 01:27:53.000
maze, this juggle, this race of trying to balance everything.

1001
01:27:53.440 --> 01:27:58.880
But actually, if you're a person who really takes extreme ownership rather than a person

1002
01:27:58.880 --> 01:28:04.000
who's justifying, then you don't use the language, you never use the language, I'm too

1003
01:28:04.000 --> 01:28:09.840
busy. You only use the language of that hasn't, that's not a priority for me at this

1004
01:28:09.840 --> 01:28:10.840
time.

1005
01:28:11.800 --> 01:28:12.800
That's good.

1006
01:28:13.400 --> 01:28:20.840
So I'm just wondering, is there a way that you could more effectively prioritize time

1007
01:28:20.840 --> 01:28:21.840
together?

1008
01:28:21.840 --> 01:28:23.120
Yeah, yeah.

1009
01:28:26.000 --> 01:28:31.280
I think just times like we've actually, I mean, it's just slack lately, I think, like

1010
01:28:31.280 --> 01:28:35.520
we've done pretty well at going for walks quite regularly, actually, and often early

1011
01:28:35.520 --> 01:28:38.920
in the morning, so just early up and just get stuff done early.

1012
01:28:39.160 --> 01:28:47.240
And it's just, I think the last four months probably has been less and less because of

1013
01:28:48.680 --> 01:28:53.800
like, we've got our quiet times, we do that, and then, but it sort of started, I don't

1014
01:28:53.800 --> 01:28:56.040
know, you know how it's something to start slipping.

1015
01:28:56.040 --> 01:28:58.360
It's not like, OK, we're not going for walks anymore.

1016
01:28:58.360 --> 01:29:02.720
It's not like that. It's just like, and suddenly you're like, oh, we haven't gone for walks

1017
01:29:02.720 --> 01:29:03.920
for four months. That's weird.

1018
01:29:04.600 --> 01:29:08.880
Or we go for a walk and then because we haven't, then it's like, oh, we haven't gone for

1019
01:29:08.880 --> 01:29:11.120
a walk. And then it all blows up because suddenly we have time.

1020
01:29:11.280 --> 01:29:12.440
I'm sure you know about that.

1021
01:29:13.160 --> 01:29:19.240
You know, it's like then it gets real deep and heavy and quick as well when you haven't

1022
01:29:19.240 --> 01:29:21.680
actually had a while and then you suddenly it's all on.

1023
01:29:21.680 --> 01:29:22.880
It's like the kids home from holiday.

1024
01:29:22.880 --> 01:29:24.000
It's all on first day.

1025
01:29:24.000 --> 01:29:25.000
It's like, wah!

1026
01:29:25.680 --> 01:29:30.440
But yeah, so no, it's definitely just reminded me.

1027
01:29:30.480 --> 01:29:32.520
And I think it's just something we come back to it.

1028
01:29:32.520 --> 01:29:34.320
Like, I don't think it's impossible for us.

1029
01:29:34.640 --> 01:29:35.960
It's just prioritizing again.

1030
01:29:36.160 --> 01:29:37.160
Yeah, probably.

1031
01:29:37.560 --> 01:29:43.360
It's that so often it's like Solomon and Solomon's songs that says, catch for me the

1032
01:29:43.360 --> 01:29:44.200
little foxes.

1033
01:29:45.280 --> 01:29:48.200
Yes, like those softener in a relationship.

1034
01:29:48.800 --> 01:29:50.800
It's not the big things that blow up a relationship.

1035
01:29:50.800 --> 01:29:55.600
It's just like all these little things like, you know, like last night, for example, I

1036
01:29:55.600 --> 01:29:59.640
could have made that decision like, oh, let me justify why we're not going to do a

1037
01:29:59.640 --> 01:30:00.000
massage.

1038
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:04.160
And it actually probably wouldn't, I wouldn't have even noticed, to be honest.

1039
01:30:04.160 --> 01:30:07.520
Yeah, but at the same time, she does notice that...

1040
01:30:07.520 --> 01:30:09.920
If it's been six months.

1041
01:30:09.920 --> 01:30:17.520
Yeah, in my mind, I try and I'm like, I want to try and give her something nice like that once a week.

1042
01:30:17.520 --> 01:30:21.440
And I'm like, this is the, you know, like the week has been busy.

1043
01:30:21.440 --> 01:30:23.280
This is the last chance to make it happen.

1044
01:30:23.280 --> 01:30:24.560
I'm like, I want to do that.

1045
01:30:24.560 --> 01:30:27.040
And so in a sense, it's just like the little foxes.

1046
01:30:27.040 --> 01:30:29.120
I'm like, I've got to prioritize this right now.

1047
01:30:29.120 --> 01:30:30.800
We're not going to get another chance this week.

1048
01:30:30.800 --> 01:30:33.200
It has to happen right now.

1049
01:30:33.200 --> 01:30:37.360
And I think that's so often, it's not the big things that blow up a relationship,

1050
01:30:37.360 --> 01:30:41.440
but it's the compounding little things that become the big things.

1051
01:30:41.440 --> 01:30:42.640
So, yeah.

1052
01:30:42.640 --> 01:30:46.000
And I mean, I have to say one thing that my mom taught me, which I thought was really good,

1053
01:30:46.000 --> 01:30:51.680
is the one thing she's highly said, don't ever manipulate with sexuality.

1054
01:30:52.640 --> 01:30:54.960
Because that's the killer for your marriage.

1055
01:30:55.600 --> 01:30:56.160
She's like...

1056
01:30:56.160 --> 01:30:58.320
I've really tried to do that, but...

1057
01:31:00.000 --> 01:31:01.440
I think it was, I mean, as a woman...

1058
01:31:01.440 --> 01:31:02.640
No, I'm being silly.

1059
01:31:02.640 --> 01:31:03.440
I'm being silly.

1060
01:31:03.440 --> 01:31:07.760
Just so you know, I was being silly there because sex was the last thing Lata wanted.

1061
01:31:07.760 --> 01:31:12.000
So my ability to manipulate with sex, I would have loved that if I could have...

1062
01:31:12.720 --> 01:31:13.600
Yeah, but, you know...

1063
01:31:14.800 --> 01:31:20.240
I just, like, there's certain things where I think because that is one of the core things

1064
01:31:20.240 --> 01:31:25.200
of marriage as a foundation, which is not anything we do with other people usually,

1065
01:31:26.640 --> 01:31:31.040
is if you don't protect that or be as a woman...

1066
01:31:31.040 --> 01:31:33.360
Like, to not say, no, not tonight because I don't...

1067
01:31:33.360 --> 01:31:34.400
You've done this today.

1068
01:31:34.400 --> 01:31:35.680
Like, that kind of thing.

1069
01:31:35.680 --> 01:31:38.000
And sometimes when I'm like, actually, that's starting...

1070
01:31:38.000 --> 01:31:42.240
But, of course, in a safe thing, I know that there's points to it, but...

1071
01:31:43.680 --> 01:31:47.840
Like, that I don't get down that track that I use it to say no,

1072
01:31:47.840 --> 01:31:51.280
just because something happened that day that I just want to make him feel stink,

1073
01:31:52.720 --> 01:31:54.320
is to not use there.

1074
01:31:54.320 --> 01:31:57.040
And I think that's actually something I took on board from my mom as a...

1075
01:31:57.840 --> 01:32:00.080
Like, be a good wife, you know, don't be like that.

1076
01:32:00.080 --> 01:32:01.040
And it was quite a...

1077
01:32:01.760 --> 01:32:04.320
Something that just, you know, sticks there a little bit.

1078
01:32:04.320 --> 01:32:04.800
And I don't...

1079
01:32:05.680 --> 01:32:10.560
Yeah, it's really something I think is quite healthy in our relationship, actually, to just...

1080
01:32:12.400 --> 01:32:15.360
Also, that's also love sometimes where, oh, maybe I don't feel like it,

1081
01:32:15.360 --> 01:32:16.960
but, hey, actually, it's good for him to do.

1082
01:32:16.960 --> 01:32:20.400
Like, let's love that way as well.

1083
01:32:20.400 --> 01:32:20.900
Yeah.

1084
01:32:21.040 --> 01:32:21.540
Cool.

1085
01:32:21.780 --> 01:32:25.620
Okay, everyone, I've got one last question for everyone before we wrap up.

1086
01:32:26.500 --> 01:32:27.460
Okay, so the...

1087
01:32:29.060 --> 01:32:31.940
I definitely want to encourage everyone with the workbooks, okay?

1088
01:32:31.940 --> 01:32:35.060
There's singles workbooks and there is couples workbooks.

1089
01:32:35.060 --> 01:32:38.500
But the intellectual pathway, which was the real focus of today,

1090
01:32:38.500 --> 01:32:40.740
is about good information, right?

1091
01:32:41.380 --> 01:32:45.780
There's no one else that is in the privileged position

1092
01:32:46.500 --> 01:32:48.340
that we are when we're married to someone.

1093
01:32:48.340 --> 01:32:51.060
There's no one else who's in that privileged position

1094
01:32:51.060 --> 01:32:54.900
where they actually get to be the world expert on their spouse.

1095
01:32:56.340 --> 01:32:58.820
So I want to...

1096
01:32:58.820 --> 01:33:01.220
But to do that, you need good information, right?

1097
01:33:02.340 --> 01:33:06.100
And a big part of that's all about this dynamic of being dream makers.

1098
01:33:06.100 --> 01:33:08.180
So good information.

1099
01:33:08.180 --> 01:33:09.780
Here's what I'd like to...

1100
01:33:09.780 --> 01:33:12.660
If you feel courageous enough right now,

1101
01:33:13.620 --> 01:33:18.500
you can unmute and you can say one thing that you...

1102
01:33:19.780 --> 01:33:22.580
If you're not married, you can just say,

1103
01:33:22.580 --> 01:33:24.580
hypothetically, if you were married,

1104
01:33:24.580 --> 01:33:30.020
one thing you would want your spouse to know that you wanted.

1105
01:33:30.900 --> 01:33:35.220
If you are married, it's one thing that you wish they knew you wanted.

1106
01:33:39.620 --> 01:33:40.420
Does that make sense?

1107
01:33:40.980 --> 01:33:44.580
So if you're married already, it's like,

1108
01:33:44.580 --> 01:33:48.180
oh, I wish they knew that I wanted this.

1109
01:33:49.380 --> 01:33:50.660
And Janice, we'll start with you.

1110
01:33:51.220 --> 01:33:54.340
If you're not married, it's in the future,

1111
01:33:54.340 --> 01:33:59.380
one thing I really want my future spouse to know that I want.

1112
01:33:59.380 --> 01:34:00.340
And it can be anything.

1113
01:34:01.380 --> 01:34:02.580
So Janice, we'll start with you.

1114
01:34:03.940 --> 01:34:08.500
I want, if God has somebody for me in the future,

1115
01:34:09.220 --> 01:34:13.220
I would like them to support me in my dreams and goals

1116
01:34:13.220 --> 01:34:18.340
as a songwriter and a performer and a writer

1117
01:34:18.340 --> 01:34:22.420
with writing my books and stuff like that

1118
01:34:23.300 --> 01:34:27.300
to really help me and keep me, help me on track.

1119
01:34:28.420 --> 01:34:28.980
Fantastic.

1120
01:34:29.700 --> 01:34:32.340
Veronica, Veronica, there you are.

1121
01:34:32.340 --> 01:34:34.980
I can see you getting all excited about getting married again.

1122
01:34:34.980 --> 01:34:36.340
Like, woo-hoo!

1123
01:34:38.500 --> 01:34:40.340
No, I was just saying to my friend,

1124
01:34:41.060 --> 01:34:43.860
I've spent 25 years trying not to think like that.

1125
01:34:48.020 --> 01:34:49.460
25 years trying to think.

1126
01:34:50.340 --> 01:34:51.460
Not to think like that.

1127
01:34:51.460 --> 01:34:52.340
About getting married.

1128
01:34:53.220 --> 01:34:56.660
Yeah, well, yeah, I've just never, yeah, never thought it.

1129
01:34:57.860 --> 01:34:59.940
Never wanted to still feel that.

1130
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:07.760
way but I've never yeah I've never thought about what I would like if I was

1131
01:35:07.760 --> 01:35:12.600
you married again what I would like them to do for me I just you're on the spot

1132
01:35:12.600 --> 01:35:21.400
now so make something up make something up you're asking me to change my mindset

1133
01:35:21.400 --> 01:35:33.200
for 25 years you know what I don't know if it fits but faithfulness yeah and

1134
01:35:33.200 --> 01:35:38.400
then I'm not just talking about and you know to each other but faithful just

1135
01:35:38.400 --> 01:35:47.440
faithful faithful faithful to me because I'm a very faithful person so yeah yeah

1136
01:35:47.440 --> 01:35:56.560
that's that's me now I've forgotten your name but I'm pretty sure you're in

1137
01:35:56.560 --> 01:35:59.440
Canada got the red hat glasses I'm trying to

1138
01:35:59.440 --> 01:36:04.600
maybe name but you it just is iPhone I know it's not oh yeah no yeah my other

1139
01:36:04.600 --> 01:36:10.000
name no yeah I got to change that I am thanks reminded me um yeah I'm David in

1140
01:36:10.000 --> 01:36:18.640
Phoenix Arizona yeah hey Benji nice to meet your wife thank you um this thing

1141
01:36:18.640 --> 01:36:23.240
really great and I'll just share this that the timing of catching the email

1142
01:36:23.240 --> 01:36:28.760
that this was going on right now I was like I was at the I was at the cross

1143
01:36:28.760 --> 01:36:33.560
road of kind of going one way or going another way I'm just I'll kind of leave

1144
01:36:33.560 --> 01:36:39.320
it at that but um you know I chose a hard thing and I got on here and that

1145
01:36:39.320 --> 01:36:43.440
was gonna be a really redemptive thing for me personally and for my marriage

1146
01:36:43.440 --> 01:36:47.640
but I'll to answer the question um you know I didn't realize until Janice

1147
01:36:47.640 --> 01:36:52.440
answered her question with her answer and I'm gonna just say everything she

1148
01:36:52.440 --> 01:36:58.000
said if you remember what she said as far as the music and writing that's for

1149
01:36:58.000 --> 01:37:02.640
me too I didn't realize it until she said that I didn't realize how important

1150
01:37:02.640 --> 01:37:07.720
that was now I was gonna answer that I actually do like to be touched and you

1151
01:37:07.720 --> 01:37:11.720
know I would like to have you know her to feel comfortable touching me but at

1152
01:37:11.720 --> 01:37:15.520
the same time I'm not really doing that as much with my wife so it's like well

1153
01:37:15.520 --> 01:37:20.440
if I'm not doing it how does she know to do it and so that's a kind of another

1154
01:37:20.440 --> 01:37:25.360
thing but I realized when Janice shared that that that really was that was my

1155
01:37:25.360 --> 01:37:30.760
answer so I'm gonna just reiterate what she said and say that's that's it for me

1156
01:37:30.800 --> 01:37:37.440
beautiful beautiful Mamiya appreciate that and massive love to you

1157
01:37:37.440 --> 01:37:50.640
all right Elise I think you unmuted me and then I unmuted myself I am I'm

1158
01:37:50.640 --> 01:37:54.800
trying to apply all this to my relationship with the Lord because I

1159
01:37:54.800 --> 01:38:01.760
have never dated nor have I married and I'm 51 so I like to listen to you all

1160
01:38:01.760 --> 01:38:05.360
and hear about your relationships because I grew up kind of fatherless

1161
01:38:05.360 --> 01:38:11.000
where my dad left when I was 12 and a half but he had left three times prior

1162
01:38:11.000 --> 01:38:16.520
to that and so I didn't I grew up with a very a war zone inside the house my dad

1163
01:38:16.520 --> 01:38:23.360
was bipolar and violent and so you know to answer that question what do I want

1164
01:38:23.440 --> 01:38:28.800
someone to know about me I have lived I've moved I think 13 times in the last

1165
01:38:28.800 --> 01:38:32.600
12 years and I've lived with a lot of people and some of them have been very

1166
01:38:32.600 --> 01:38:37.080
dominant and controlling and I have been the mouse that just did what I was told

1167
01:38:37.080 --> 01:38:41.440
and I learned to bite my tongue and not say anything because I was afraid I'd

1168
01:38:41.440 --> 01:38:45.760
make them angry but currently I'm living with my sister Jessica who's not very

1169
01:38:45.760 --> 01:38:50.000
happy that I'm here and yesterday she was yelling at me about not wearing

1170
01:38:50.000 --> 01:38:55.640
glasses and I think that if I ever married I would like my husband to

1171
01:38:55.640 --> 01:39:01.040
accept some of the convictions and the decisions that I've had for a very long

1172
01:39:01.040 --> 01:39:09.080
time and not badger me about them so that's what I would like. There you go

1173
01:39:09.080 --> 01:39:14.800
okay well thank you very much for sharing. Now Del are you there? We see

1174
01:39:14.800 --> 01:39:23.440
your name there. Feel free to unmute and jump on chat with us if you're there.

1175
01:39:23.440 --> 01:39:30.280
Yes I am but I'm still in my pajamas. Sorry. Oh that's right you don't have to

1176
01:39:30.280 --> 01:39:35.920
put your video on. I'm in my pajamas too. I've got clothes on top as well.

1177
01:39:36.120 --> 01:39:43.200
Yeah so I've been married twice once to a minister of religion and again to an

1178
01:39:43.400 --> 01:39:52.000
Okorozi man. My second marriage has just dissolved in domestic violence and I'm

1179
01:39:52.000 --> 01:39:59.200
chatting to a man at the moment online because of lockdowns here but yeah I

1180
01:39:59.200 --> 01:40:02.000
I don't know.

1181
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:08.480
just have this desire to grow and learn and so I've joined your group and yes I know that I'm

1182
01:40:08.480 --> 01:40:14.800
not good out of marriage because I'm a very affectionate person. So you know hopefully

1183
01:40:14.800 --> 01:40:24.080
I will remarry and honour God and be what he wants me to be in a marriage and to the community.

1184
01:40:24.800 --> 01:40:34.960
I currently live alone in a very remote area so online stuff has been very important to me for

1185
01:40:34.960 --> 01:40:40.320
my learning and growth and contact with other people. I'm a nurse and I do shift work so

1186
01:40:40.880 --> 01:40:46.960
between my shift work and everything else I don't really get a lot of contact with people except at

1187
01:40:46.960 --> 01:40:55.920
work at the moment. So it is hard but I had a court session two days ago and my property

1188
01:40:55.920 --> 01:41:03.360
settlement is going through and I can get on with my life which is a blessing to me and away from

1189
01:41:03.360 --> 01:41:14.400
oppression and violence so I'm really happy about that. Great, great and if you get married in the

1190
01:41:14.400 --> 01:41:19.360
future what's one thing you would like your husband to know about you? So I put it up on

1191
01:41:19.360 --> 01:41:24.320
the chat I didn't know whether you're looking at things like that but yeah that I'd want my spouse

1192
01:41:24.320 --> 01:41:32.320
to know that I want affection and time. Beautiful. So yeah and I'm so thankful for everything

1193
01:41:32.320 --> 01:41:39.040
everybody's sharing and I know how hard it is to be vulnerable but I am a very open and vulnerable

1194
01:41:39.040 --> 01:41:46.240
person and I really would love to you know pray for everybody for what they've

1195
01:41:46.240 --> 01:41:53.680
shared and I'm thankful for what I learned from what you share. Great, so what does affection

1196
01:41:53.680 --> 01:42:03.360
look like for you? What type of affection do you want? Well it's you know it's the normal hugging, kissing,

1197
01:42:03.360 --> 01:42:10.800
touching you know when you walk past somebody but it but then you know like I'm learning that

1198
01:42:10.800 --> 01:42:17.760
I'm a very sensual person and I didn't realize that till now being a you know empty nester and

1199
01:42:18.960 --> 01:42:24.560
and being on my own and being able to think about who I am and so you know I'm learning that

1200
01:42:24.560 --> 01:42:31.680
there's that side of me too and so I know that I can't not remain that I would not be successful

1201
01:42:31.680 --> 01:42:38.880
remaining single because I'm affection has always been used against me to become sexual

1202
01:42:40.000 --> 01:42:46.960
and I was sexually assaulted as a child which put me into a cycle of behavior and drew me to

1203
01:42:46.960 --> 01:42:55.440
my first husband who actually assaulted our children and so I'm really aware that I have that

1204
01:42:56.320 --> 01:43:02.320
problem I suppose you could say and that you know I have to be careful in relationships and

1205
01:43:02.880 --> 01:43:09.440
but I'm very open and I you know I talk about my past and I share with people what God's teaching

1206
01:43:09.440 --> 01:43:19.040
me and how much he has brought me forward in my life and that you know I quite often see

1207
01:43:19.600 --> 01:43:28.000
the characteristics that I've gone through that I can see in people you know that are red flags

1208
01:43:28.000 --> 01:43:34.000
or that I can see them struggling with issues that I've had yeah so I

1209
01:43:36.720 --> 01:43:45.360
yeah it's a life's life's huge isn't it there's so much chaos in the world but my desire is to

1210
01:43:45.360 --> 01:43:51.920
honor God and honor whoever I go into a relationship with and be the best at that

1211
01:43:52.560 --> 01:44:02.000
that I can be and to grow in God with that because you know to me I've never had you know

1212
01:44:02.000 --> 01:44:08.400
even though I was married to a minister of religion he never shared his faith with me or

1213
01:44:08.400 --> 01:44:14.400
prayed with me or did that so I'm really conscious that I want to marry a man that's going to be

1214
01:44:15.440 --> 01:44:22.160
a godly man and share all that with me beautiful well thank you very much for sharing that that's

1215
01:44:22.160 --> 01:44:32.320
amazing really appreciate it um thank you now next up we'll have um Lavinia but Veronica

1216
01:44:32.320 --> 01:44:38.080
how about your friends that are sitting there just cheekily over there okay did you hear Benji

1217
01:44:38.080 --> 01:44:42.240
yeah what do you guys want in marriage what do you want to do last year

1218
01:44:47.200 --> 01:44:56.640
hey um I guess I just so I me and my husband we got married in December last year

1219
01:44:56.640 --> 01:44:59.760
and we've been together 14 years and um

1220
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:07.840
the first probably 10 years of our relationship was horrible. But I just believe that God's

1221
01:45:07.840 --> 01:45:14.480
really done a lot in our marriage. And moving forward, just to answer the question, I guess

1222
01:45:15.200 --> 01:45:22.160
one thing that I would like in our marriage is just to appreciate one another. Like I guess in

1223
01:45:22.160 --> 01:45:29.200
the 14 years we've been together, we've never actually taken some time out to get to know

1224
01:45:29.200 --> 01:45:35.680
one another. And we went on our first date just a couple of months ago and we realised so many

1225
01:45:35.680 --> 01:45:42.880
gaps in our relationship and our marriage now that we're now working towards. So one would be

1226
01:45:43.520 --> 01:45:53.440
communication, appreciation and definitely intimacy like everyone else has been talking about.

1227
01:45:53.440 --> 01:46:02.800
Cool, that's exciting. I really want to encourage you, get a hold of that book,

1228
01:46:02.800 --> 01:46:10.800
jump into it. And it's a glorious rollercoaster there. But I think you'll really love what you

1229
01:46:10.800 --> 01:46:16.640
find. Yeah, thank you. I've really enjoyed listening in as well. Great stuff. That's

1230
01:46:16.640 --> 01:46:21.760
great to hear. Now there's one more buddy there, Veronica? Yeah, that's Vanessa.

1231
01:46:21.760 --> 01:46:26.800
Vanessa, you don't get to escape. We're tracking you down. I was hoping I could.

1232
01:46:29.200 --> 01:46:32.480
Really? Vanessa, tell us about your love life.

1233
01:46:38.400 --> 01:46:45.840
It's too good. You don't want to really hear about it really. No, I'm actually separated.

1234
01:46:45.920 --> 01:46:59.280
I've been separated for probably two years. My husband lives downstairs and I live upstairs.

1235
01:47:01.440 --> 01:47:11.200
Yeah, God has a sense of humour I reckon. It's not my sense of humour. In fact, it has been

1236
01:47:11.200 --> 01:47:21.440
the hardest thing ever. But it's been the most amazing thing ever. So we've just been

1237
01:47:27.920 --> 01:47:36.720
building our friendship, I guess. So for me, it would be understanding and appreciation as well.

1238
01:47:37.520 --> 01:47:45.200
And to be able to understand and not get frustrated. I think we were kind of like

1239
01:47:45.920 --> 01:47:49.920
how you were talking about the two powers. Power struggle relationship.

1240
01:47:51.680 --> 01:47:58.880
Big time. I want to win. So did he. And we would never compromise.

1241
01:47:58.880 --> 01:48:08.960
Cool. Hey, well, thanks for that. We're going to jump to Lavinia. And then it's going to be

1242
01:48:08.960 --> 01:48:16.320
Tonja and Anthony. And I think we did yours already, Cat, didn't we? Or do we need to circle back to you?

1243
01:48:18.400 --> 01:48:23.440
We haven't done you yet. We're going to circle back to Cat for the landing. So Lavinia?

1244
01:48:24.080 --> 01:48:28.560
Yeah. OK, for me, it's vulnerability. I would love my husband to

1245
01:48:29.520 --> 01:48:38.480
chill out and learn to trust me. To say what's actually on his mind. But he doesn't.

1246
01:48:40.240 --> 01:48:42.960
Oh no, that's awesome. That's awesome. I love hearing that.

1247
01:48:44.560 --> 01:48:52.320
OK. Yeah, it's vulnerability. Just to be able to trust me because I'm at a stage in my life now

1248
01:48:52.960 --> 01:48:58.480
I'll use this expression, Benji. I used to think that I was holier than thou. And I think that put

1249
01:48:58.480 --> 01:49:04.080
my husband off from the very beginning because he was non-Christian when I married him. He was

1250
01:49:04.080 --> 01:49:10.960
raised in the Catholic Church and some horrific stuff happened whilst he was experiencing that

1251
01:49:10.960 --> 01:49:17.360
side in his life. So here, you know, we come together and I've been raised up as a Christian

1252
01:49:17.360 --> 01:49:24.160
from day one and I'm planting all the stuff on him. You must, you must, you must, you must,

1253
01:49:24.160 --> 01:49:30.400
you must. And it just drew us further apart. But we remained in our marriage because

1254
01:49:30.400 --> 01:49:37.920
there was love. We just could not communicate that to a safe place. Then all these children

1255
01:49:37.920 --> 01:49:44.240
came along. We had seven children. We lost one and that brought a lot of trauma on the marriage.

1256
01:49:44.720 --> 01:49:50.400
And with all this going on, my husband was a very sporty man. He almost made the Kiwi team.

1257
01:49:50.400 --> 01:49:56.160
So you can imagine the socialising and all that playing, you know, having an effect on our marriage

1258
01:49:56.160 --> 01:49:59.760
and then the mistrust and what's he doing out there.

1259
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:05.040
that sort of stuff. But now we've sort of grown through that, forgiven each other. My husband's

1260
01:50:05.040 --> 01:50:12.800
now a full-blown Christian. We've repented with all that stuff, you know, so we feel a lot freer

1261
01:50:12.800 --> 01:50:21.120
now. But the vulnerability is what I'm experiencing at the moment is that he, I feel that he doesn't

1262
01:50:21.120 --> 01:50:28.320
trust me enough to tell me exactly what's going on for him when there are struggles. And I would

1263
01:50:28.320 --> 01:50:35.600
love him to do that. Because I am a trusted person. I have a counselling background,

1264
01:50:35.600 --> 01:50:40.720
I was a domestic violence counsellor for many years. But I don't know everything.

1265
01:50:41.520 --> 01:50:46.720
But I would just love him to unwind and tell me some of those things so that we can share

1266
01:50:46.720 --> 01:50:51.760
and experience our indifferences and bring them together like what you were saying.

1267
01:50:51.840 --> 01:50:52.960
I think that's it.

1268
01:50:52.960 --> 01:50:56.080
Awesome. Thank you so much. Righto, Anthony?

1269
01:51:00.080 --> 01:51:00.720
Yes, I think...

1270
01:51:00.720 --> 01:51:05.120
Now, you guys have a funny situation, right? Because you're there together.

1271
01:51:05.120 --> 01:51:05.600
Yeah.

1272
01:51:05.600 --> 01:51:10.320
You've got to tell us one thing that you would like her to know about you.

1273
01:51:10.320 --> 01:51:12.320
I'd like Sonia to...

1274
01:51:12.320 --> 01:51:21.840
I'd like to have her to respect me that I am just wired the way I am. And I'm just a bit theatrical,

1275
01:51:21.840 --> 01:51:32.320
because I'm not atypical. I'm atypically atypical. And yeah, try and get your head around that.

1276
01:51:32.320 --> 01:51:36.560
Think about how hard it might be for Sonia. But together, we'll work it out, I think.

1277
01:51:36.800 --> 01:51:38.000
Lovely. And Sonia?

1278
01:51:42.800 --> 01:51:49.840
I think... Yeah, I get that. That's important, accepting that situation.

1279
01:51:51.600 --> 01:51:57.600
And I think it's like accepting that I like to open up, but I've got to learn to slow down.

1280
01:51:57.600 --> 01:52:02.640
Like I've been told by a lot of people that I talk too fast and I need to slow down to be heard.

1281
01:52:02.960 --> 01:52:05.280
What's the thing that you would like?

1282
01:52:06.800 --> 01:52:16.800
Well, I'd just appreciate it more in, I think, my work space more as I'm being successful.

1283
01:52:16.800 --> 01:52:21.200
Like I've never been successful before, like leading seniors. That's the first time I've

1284
01:52:21.200 --> 01:52:26.800
actually done any sort of leadership role and taking over. And I'd like to be able to

1285
01:52:27.760 --> 01:52:46.320
be celebrated for where I'm at. But yeah, and also I've got to, yeah, and accepting him from

1286
01:52:47.040 --> 01:52:53.520
his stuff. Like he's in the process of writing a book on poetry, poetry book, putting that together.

1287
01:52:53.520 --> 01:52:59.120
And with me, I come out in a new song and I come out with a new song. So I think that's

1288
01:53:00.480 --> 01:53:08.160
working together like that. So it's like we did that video encouraging people all over the world.

1289
01:53:08.160 --> 01:53:12.640
In fact, as far as Germany with some of our videos, because I've got a page called Encouraging

1290
01:53:12.640 --> 01:53:20.080
Life Song. So it came up when I did a page and like giving each other, encouraging each other,

1291
01:53:20.240 --> 01:53:24.560
our talents and et cetera. So, yeah. Awesome. Very cool. Right. We're going to

1292
01:53:24.560 --> 01:53:28.000
circle to Kat. I'm going to be back in one second. I'm going to go for a pee.

1293
01:53:29.760 --> 01:53:34.640
I've got the same idea. It drives me crazy.

1294
01:53:39.120 --> 01:53:44.400
You got to go. You got to go. Yeah. And he's got the bladder about the size of a pea.

1295
01:53:44.720 --> 01:53:51.360
Oh, man. Oh, plus he drinks all that water all day, drinking three liters of water.

1296
01:53:52.240 --> 01:53:54.880
Yes. That doesn't help the situation.

1297
01:53:56.880 --> 01:54:00.720
Alana, can I just, Alana, can I just ask a question now regarding,

1298
01:54:00.720 --> 01:54:05.360
because my friends are interested in the, the thinking raising royalty business. Is that?

1299
01:54:06.560 --> 01:54:08.720
The person to talk to is Benji.

1300
01:54:08.720 --> 01:54:09.360
Okay.

1301
01:54:09.360 --> 01:54:12.560
Because he deals with that stuff every day. Whereas I don't really.

1302
01:54:13.120 --> 01:54:13.920
All right. Thank you.

1303
01:54:15.440 --> 01:54:16.720
You could just send him a message.

1304
01:54:17.360 --> 01:54:17.600
Okay.

1305
01:54:18.560 --> 01:54:19.040
What's that?

1306
01:54:24.480 --> 01:54:24.720
Okay.

1307
01:54:24.720 --> 01:54:26.800
I realize that we've gone like an hour over time.

1308
01:54:31.120 --> 01:54:32.720
Too much time on these ones.

1309
01:54:34.160 --> 01:54:40.400
Yes. Sorry. Yeah. Cool. Actually, I was thinking something that I would love him to

1310
01:54:41.040 --> 01:54:48.480
know more, which I really appreciate it when he initiates a date,

1311
01:54:50.800 --> 01:54:53.520
but I feel I need to organize it every time.

1312
01:54:54.400 --> 01:54:59.840
I don't, and it's not that he doesn't want to do the date, but I would, or holidays.

1313
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:02.960
Like, I always plan and do it all.

1314
01:55:02.960 --> 01:55:05.760
And I know he loves to go and do it as well,

1315
01:55:05.760 --> 01:55:09.780
but I find, I like that he doesn't fully understand

1316
01:55:09.780 --> 01:55:13.100
how much I would appreciate it, him initiating.

1317
01:55:14.960 --> 01:55:16.600
That's beautiful information, eh?

1318
01:55:16.600 --> 01:55:18.440
That's really good information.

1319
01:55:18.440 --> 01:55:20.600
That's something that you can just let him know.

1320
01:55:20.600 --> 01:55:22.040
Yeah.

1321
01:55:22.040 --> 01:55:22.880
Okay.

1322
01:55:22.880 --> 01:55:23.700
Actually, yes.

1323
01:55:23.700 --> 01:55:24.540
And I can communicate it.

1324
01:55:24.540 --> 01:55:25.880
It's not that hard, really.

1325
01:55:25.880 --> 01:55:26.720
Yeah, you can do it.

1326
01:55:26.720 --> 01:55:28.520
You can do it.

1327
01:55:28.600 --> 01:55:32.600
If you can even say, hey, I'm free on Thursday night,

1328
01:55:32.600 --> 01:55:33.440
take me out.

1329
01:55:34.880 --> 01:55:35.920
There's a voucher.

1330
01:55:38.920 --> 01:55:40.080
No, cool.

1331
01:55:40.080 --> 01:55:40.920
Awesome.

1332
01:55:40.920 --> 01:55:45.920
Okay, babe, what's something that you want in our house?

1333
01:55:48.520 --> 01:55:50.280
Something that I want.

1334
01:55:51.240 --> 01:55:52.080
I haven't thought about that.

1335
01:55:52.080 --> 01:55:52.920
A new house.

1336
01:55:54.040 --> 01:55:55.040
We're renting right now.

1337
01:55:55.040 --> 01:55:57.160
I know that this is something, but I know this.

1338
01:55:57.680 --> 01:55:59.560
We both want to get a bit of land.

1339
01:55:59.560 --> 01:56:02.440
Where we have moved to, there's, I think,

1340
01:56:02.440 --> 01:56:04.520
30 properties for sale in the whole area,

1341
01:56:04.520 --> 01:56:06.280
and none of them are really what we want.

1342
01:56:06.280 --> 01:56:07.480
They're not even close.

1343
01:56:10.200 --> 01:56:12.800
Yeah, so Benji's finally starting to feel that urgency,

1344
01:56:12.800 --> 01:56:17.600
but we've been really in limbo to a degree

1345
01:56:17.600 --> 01:56:20.920
for the last two and a half years,

1346
01:56:20.920 --> 01:56:22.960
and I'm ready to settle down.

1347
01:56:24.560 --> 01:56:26.480
Okay, but that's not new information.

1348
01:56:26.760 --> 01:56:28.800
That's not new information.

1349
01:56:36.800 --> 01:56:38.240
What do I want?

1350
01:56:38.240 --> 01:56:39.640
That's new information.

1351
01:56:41.480 --> 01:56:42.720
That's not new information.

1352
01:56:42.720 --> 01:56:45.720
Yeah, something new that you don't know about me

1353
01:56:45.720 --> 01:56:46.680
that I want.

1354
01:56:49.280 --> 01:56:51.400
You probably know that I like this,

1355
01:56:51.400 --> 01:56:54.160
but I'm just gonna give you good information

1356
01:56:54.160 --> 01:56:56.480
that I really, really like it,

1357
01:56:56.480 --> 01:56:58.360
and I would love more of this,

1358
01:56:58.360 --> 01:57:01.040
and she's done this a couple of times lately.

1359
01:57:01.040 --> 01:57:05.120
She's just busted into my office with a smoothie

1360
01:57:05.120 --> 01:57:07.880
and just given me this amazing smoothie,

1361
01:57:07.880 --> 01:57:11.360
and she did it not yesterday, the day before.

1362
01:57:11.360 --> 01:57:13.360
Oh, man, it was so good.

1363
01:57:13.360 --> 01:57:14.440
It was such an amazing smoothie,

1364
01:57:14.440 --> 01:57:16.360
so to me, that's a really something amazing.

1365
01:57:16.360 --> 01:57:17.760
I was gonna make one this morning,

1366
01:57:17.760 --> 01:57:19.680
but you had two plates of toast,

1367
01:57:19.680 --> 01:57:21.400
and I'm like, you're not gonna have space for a smoothie

1368
01:57:21.400 --> 01:57:23.280
after eight pieces of bread.

1369
01:57:23.280 --> 01:57:25.520
Okay, right, well, let me give you some good information

1370
01:57:25.520 --> 01:57:26.760
with all these people.

1371
01:57:26.760 --> 01:57:28.960
I will always have more room for a smoothie.

1372
01:57:29.840 --> 01:57:32.160
I've had seven pieces of toast like I did this morning,

1373
01:57:32.160 --> 01:57:34.640
including three pieces of avocado toast.

1374
01:57:34.640 --> 01:57:37.760
I will still have lots and lots and lots of room

1375
01:57:37.760 --> 01:57:38.600
for a smoothie.

1376
01:57:38.600 --> 01:57:39.440
It's like ice cream.

1377
01:57:39.440 --> 01:57:40.280
It goes in your mouth.

1378
01:57:40.280 --> 01:57:41.120
Whoo-hoo, smoothie!

1379
01:57:41.120 --> 01:57:41.960
Yeah, there you go.

1380
01:57:41.960 --> 01:57:42.920
There's some good information.

1381
01:57:42.920 --> 01:57:45.240
Never hold back on making me a smoothie.

1382
01:57:47.520 --> 01:57:48.600
So you're the only one now

1383
01:57:48.600 --> 01:57:51.560
that hasn't given some new information.

1384
01:57:51.600 --> 01:57:53.960
I don't know what new information I have to give you.

1385
01:57:53.960 --> 01:57:54.800
She's freaking out.

1386
01:57:54.800 --> 01:57:56.120
She doesn't feel safe.

1387
01:57:56.120 --> 01:57:58.600
No, it's not really that good.

1388
01:57:58.600 --> 01:58:00.040
Hey, welcome, Debra.

1389
01:58:00.040 --> 01:58:03.880
You're coming just right at the end of our chat.

1390
01:58:03.880 --> 01:58:05.360
We're about to wrap it up,

1391
01:58:05.360 --> 01:58:08.360
but it's lovely, always lovely to have you with us, Debra.

1392
01:58:08.360 --> 01:58:09.200
Oh, I know.

1393
01:58:09.200 --> 01:58:10.040
Oh, yes.

1394
01:58:10.040 --> 01:58:12.920
I would like you to start consistently finishing

1395
01:58:12.920 --> 01:58:16.600
working in the day at a regular time.

1396
01:58:16.600 --> 01:58:17.760
Yes, there we go.

1397
01:58:17.760 --> 01:58:19.040
Rather than at dinner.

1398
01:58:19.040 --> 01:58:19.880
Yeah, absolutely.

1399
01:58:20.080 --> 01:58:21.840
15 minutes after dinner.

1400
01:58:21.840 --> 01:58:24.400
Yeah, totally, because I am-

1401
01:58:24.400 --> 01:58:26.240
That's not new, but I'm refreshing your memory.

1402
01:58:26.240 --> 01:58:27.080
Yeah, refreshing your memory.

1403
01:58:27.080 --> 01:58:28.560
Because it's been a while since I've said that.

1404
01:58:28.560 --> 01:58:30.000
She hasn't had to say it too much,

1405
01:58:30.000 --> 01:58:31.680
but last night I worked too late.

1406
01:58:33.520 --> 01:58:34.360
Yes.

1407
01:58:34.360 --> 01:58:35.200
Yeah.

1408
01:58:35.200 --> 01:58:36.040
Definitely.

1409
01:58:36.040 --> 01:58:37.880
That's definitely an area for me,

1410
01:58:37.880 --> 01:58:40.880
for my obsession to get-

1411
01:58:40.880 --> 01:58:41.760
A new house.

1412
01:58:41.760 --> 01:58:43.360
My obsession to get things done.

1413
01:58:43.360 --> 01:58:44.360
The funny thing is, right,

1414
01:58:44.360 --> 01:58:45.760
is whenever she says,

1415
01:58:45.760 --> 01:58:47.560
I would like a new house, right?

1416
01:58:47.560 --> 01:58:48.480
I'm like, okay, right.

1417
01:58:48.520 --> 01:58:51.160
Well, I have to work my butt off to get what you want.

1418
01:58:51.160 --> 01:58:52.080
And then she's like,

1419
01:58:52.080 --> 01:58:54.760
I would also like you to get me a new house

1420
01:58:54.760 --> 01:58:56.960
while working less.

1421
01:58:56.960 --> 01:58:58.080
And as a man,

1422
01:58:58.080 --> 01:59:01.360
that's one of the most challenging spaces,

1423
01:59:01.360 --> 01:59:03.840
where you're like, you want a beautiful house

1424
01:59:03.840 --> 01:59:05.800
and you don't want me to go to work.

1425
01:59:05.800 --> 01:59:07.200
I get it perfectly.

1426
01:59:09.000 --> 01:59:10.760
But it's beautiful and I hear you.

1427
01:59:10.760 --> 01:59:13.160
And it's not that I don't have time,

1428
01:59:13.160 --> 01:59:15.520
it's that I don't prioritize.

1429
01:59:15.520 --> 01:59:18.120
So, right.

1430
01:59:18.120 --> 01:59:19.560
Well, love you guys very much.

1431
01:59:19.560 --> 01:59:20.400
Thank you.

1432
01:59:20.400 --> 01:59:22.840
And we should just get David to pray for us,

1433
01:59:22.840 --> 01:59:27.840
to wrap up and get that anointing flowing from Canada land.

1434
01:59:31.960 --> 01:59:32.800
Yeah.

1435
01:59:32.800 --> 01:59:33.640
Thank you, Lord.

1436
01:59:33.640 --> 01:59:37.560
We just, oh, thank you, Holy Spirit.

1437
01:59:37.560 --> 01:59:38.920
Yeshua, we just love you.

1438
01:59:38.920 --> 01:59:42.680
Thank you for bringing open hearts and open minds

1439
01:59:43.120 --> 01:59:46.800
and genuine feelings about the way you've created us

1440
01:59:46.800 --> 01:59:49.120
and the way you want us to understand

1441
01:59:49.120 --> 01:59:51.080
and communicate and love one another.

1442
01:59:51.080 --> 01:59:53.480
The reason that you created marriage,

1443
01:59:53.480 --> 01:59:56.440
the reason that you do everything is all about love,

1444
01:59:56.440 --> 01:59:57.920
because that's what you are.

1445
01:59:57.920 --> 01:59:59.160
The love has been felt here.

1446
01:59:59.160 --> 02:00:00.000
We thank you.

1447
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:02.280
for allowing the love to be so free-flowing

1448
02:00:02.280 --> 02:00:04.840
for everybody on this call today.

1449
02:00:04.840 --> 02:00:06.600
We love you, we thank you,

1450
02:00:06.600 --> 02:00:09.000
and we praise you for all the love

1451
02:00:09.000 --> 02:00:10.920
that you bring into every facet

1452
02:00:10.920 --> 02:00:13.120
of everything we do every day.

1453
02:00:13.120 --> 02:00:14.280
It's all for you.

1454
02:00:14.280 --> 02:00:15.120
We love you.

1455
02:00:15.120 --> 02:00:15.940
Thank you.

1456
02:00:15.940 --> 02:00:16.880
Amen, amen.

1457
02:00:17.760 --> 02:00:18.960
Amen, beautiful.

1458
02:00:18.960 --> 02:00:20.200
Bless you guys.

1459
02:00:20.200 --> 02:00:21.760
And we'll catch you later.

1460
02:00:21.760 --> 02:00:25.880
It'll be same time next week in Veronica.

1461
02:00:25.880 --> 02:00:27.800
I'll touch base with you shortly.

1462
02:00:28.700 --> 02:00:29.540
Cool, cool.

1463
02:00:29.880 --> 02:00:30.720
See you guys, bye-bye.

1464
02:00:30.720 --> 02:00:32.040
Thanks everybody, bye-bye.