WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:12.160 Sup family, Embassy family, great to be here with you guys today, going live again in part 2 00:00:12.160 --> 00:00:18.480 3 of the 7 Sacred Pathways to Intimacy. 3 00:00:18.480 --> 00:00:27.520 Great to be here with you guys and if you can see me, if you can hear me say hello, 4 00:00:27.840 --> 00:00:32.560 boom, I see Stuart there, I see a couple of you guys, give me a thumbs up, say hello so I know 5 00:00:32.560 --> 00:00:39.360 who's there, I know who's watching and I know that you guys can hear me and everything, very cool, 6 00:00:39.360 --> 00:00:48.480 sweet, Stuart my man, good to have you there and we are going to be, oh look at this, Jesse, 7 00:00:48.480 --> 00:00:58.160 good to have you, this is going to be a fantastic dive into the foundational pathways and I'm going 8 00:00:58.160 --> 00:01:09.920 to be sharing with you in this video why dealing with my secret sin as a single man set me up for 9 00:01:09.920 --> 00:01:17.040 intimacy in marriage that is better than sex, so that's going to be fun, Stuart great you can hear 10 00:01:17.040 --> 00:01:24.480 me loud and clear, that's excellent, if you are watching live just hit live in there so I know 11 00:01:25.120 --> 00:01:31.360 you're joining me now, if you're joining us for the replay in the future then just hit replay, 12 00:01:32.240 --> 00:01:41.280 yep, Jesse good to have you on board, so let me pray and then we're going to jump into this, 13 00:01:41.280 --> 00:01:47.680 it is going to be a beautiful session today and I'm delighted to be with you, Ness good to see you 14 00:01:47.680 --> 00:01:55.360 too, let's pray and then we're going to do a deep dive into the foundations and the foundational 15 00:01:55.360 --> 00:02:06.480 pathways, so let's go, Trinity thank you so much for everyone who is a part of this live today and 16 00:02:06.480 --> 00:02:13.360 for those that are hearing in the future, Papa, I thank you for your heart for us to know 17 00:02:13.920 --> 00:02:21.360 divine romance in our relationship with you and in our romantic relationships, so Trinity I ask for 18 00:02:21.920 --> 00:02:30.800 amazing grace to come on each of us and I just ask there be an impartation from heaven for divine 19 00:02:31.360 --> 00:02:37.360 romance, so I ask that you would blow away our normals, I ask that you would get inside our 20 00:02:38.880 --> 00:02:43.360 our current understandings and you would rewire them and you would redefine them and you would 21 00:02:43.360 --> 00:02:49.120 give us a brand new blueprint of divine romance and that you would do the deep and powerful work 22 00:02:49.120 --> 00:02:55.760 in our hearts that's going to set us up to participate in that divine romance, amen, 23 00:02:56.720 --> 00:03:02.160 beautiful Aunty Pam is watching, great to have you Aunty Pam, great to have beautiful people, 24 00:03:02.160 --> 00:03:07.920 I see people, I see Karen, I see Wilson, I see people from all over the world and John, 25 00:03:07.920 --> 00:03:14.320 so good to have you guys and if you're excited about this let me know, just hit a thumbs up or 26 00:03:14.320 --> 00:03:19.920 say I'm excited, if you've caught part one and part two or one of those just write in the comments 27 00:03:20.000 --> 00:03:26.240 part one or part two and let me know where you're at in the journey so far, see if you've caught 28 00:03:26.240 --> 00:03:30.720 those brilliant sessions, if you haven't caught them yet then boom they are going to be available 29 00:03:30.720 --> 00:03:35.280 in the embassy for a little while longer but they won't be up forever, so make sure that you get 30 00:03:35.280 --> 00:03:48.480 those while you can, so let's go over here and the first thing that we're going to do today 31 00:03:49.280 --> 00:03:54.560 before I go deep on your story, if you want to hear my story say yes I do, here's the story that 32 00:03:54.560 --> 00:03:59.840 I'm going to tell you, I'm going to tell you the story today after I've set some context, 33 00:04:00.560 --> 00:04:07.680 I'm going to tell you the story today of why dealing with my secret sin as a single man 34 00:04:08.400 --> 00:04:15.040 set me up for intimacy in my marriage that is better than sex, all right so we're going to 35 00:04:15.040 --> 00:04:21.600 explore that concept, we're going to look deeper at each of these seven pathways today 36 00:04:21.600 --> 00:04:26.960 and we're going to really focus in on the three foundational pathways of spiritual, emotional 37 00:04:27.520 --> 00:04:32.640 and intellectual, we're going to watch and see how they all interact together to 38 00:04:34.000 --> 00:04:42.320 set us up to experience the fullness of divine romance, we've got John watching from the 39 00:04:42.320 --> 00:04:52.560 tractor that's genius and got some bible for you as well, we'll start, we'll start with our bible 40 00:04:52.560 --> 00:04:59.920 reading which is Matthew chapter 19 verses 3 to 6 and we've also got a verse for you from John 17 41 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:05.480 So we'll jump into that and then we're going to explore these pathways. 42 00:05:05.480 --> 00:05:13.280 Alright, I did a session with the youth group last week and the session with the youth group 43 00:05:13.280 --> 00:05:16.560 was who does Jesus think you should have sex with? 44 00:05:16.560 --> 00:05:21.680 We're covering some of this content with our youth as well, so this covers a little bit 45 00:05:21.680 --> 00:05:27.120 about who Jesus thinks you should have sex with, Jesus has an opinion on who you should 46 00:05:27.120 --> 00:05:28.120 be having sex with. 47 00:05:28.120 --> 00:05:37.160 So let's just go and check this out, starting at Matthew 19 verse 3, here we go. 48 00:05:37.160 --> 00:05:44.560 Some Pharisees came to him to test him, they asked, is it lawful for a man to divorce his 49 00:05:44.560 --> 00:05:48.680 wife for any and every reason? 50 00:05:48.680 --> 00:05:51.760 Wow, that's a big deal. 51 00:05:51.760 --> 00:05:56.760 And so I just want to touch on that before we jump to the other verses, that first of 52 00:05:56.760 --> 00:06:01.320 all, these Pharisees are coming and they're coming from a really low level perspective, 53 00:06:01.320 --> 00:06:02.320 okay? 54 00:06:02.320 --> 00:06:10.240 They're coming from a dysfunctional perspective where it obviously looks like these guys want 55 00:06:10.240 --> 00:06:13.000 wives for different reasons, alright? 56 00:06:13.000 --> 00:06:21.720 Chuck out there, oh I see a comment here, Matthew, very good, good to hear you. 57 00:06:21.720 --> 00:06:26.640 So I just want to check in with everyone, are you guys doing alright hearing my voice? 58 00:06:27.520 --> 00:06:31.320 If the audio is okay for you, give me a thumbs up, I've had some people saying okay, I just 59 00:06:31.320 --> 00:06:35.800 had one person make a comment, so if the audio is good for you, just give me a thumbs up, 60 00:06:35.800 --> 00:06:40.720 and if it's not, I will run and change the mic setup, but if it's good for you, just 61 00:06:40.720 --> 00:06:44.960 give me a thumbs up, boom, I see thumbs up on the audio, so it might just be that one 62 00:06:44.960 --> 00:06:47.780 person's phone. 63 00:06:47.780 --> 00:06:51.840 So the question that they have is, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and 64 00:06:51.840 --> 00:06:53.280 every reason? 65 00:06:53.280 --> 00:06:54.600 Any reason. 66 00:06:54.600 --> 00:06:59.240 So one of the things that this gives away for us is the fact that these people, they 67 00:06:59.240 --> 00:07:01.320 have different reasons why they want a wife, alright? 68 00:07:01.320 --> 00:07:04.320 So what do you think some of the reasons people might want a wife is? 69 00:07:04.320 --> 00:07:09.360 When I've done this session before, people have said, well they might want a wife as 70 00:07:09.360 --> 00:07:17.160 a maid, they might want a wife just for sex, they might want a wife for status, they might 71 00:07:17.160 --> 00:07:24.000 want a wife for political reasons or networking reasons, all sorts of reasons why some people 72 00:07:24.000 --> 00:07:30.760 want wives, and Jesus is about to address this dysfunction, because people have got 73 00:07:30.760 --> 00:07:31.760 this low standard. 74 00:07:31.760 --> 00:07:37.960 What they're not wanting in this perspective is they're not wanting divine romance, alright? 75 00:07:37.960 --> 00:07:42.680 And so let's talk, let's look now at Jesus' replies to their dysfunctional perspective 76 00:07:42.680 --> 00:07:53.160 with a divine blueprint, with a divine perspective on marriage, and intimacy, and sex, and divine 77 00:07:53.160 --> 00:07:54.160 romance. 78 00:07:54.160 --> 00:08:04.040 So, verse 4, haven't you read, he replied, that at the beginning, the Creator made them 79 00:08:04.040 --> 00:08:12.080 male and female, and said, for this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and 80 00:08:12.080 --> 00:08:16.720 be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. 81 00:08:16.720 --> 00:08:22.640 So they are no longer two, but one flesh, therefore what God has joined together, let 82 00:08:22.720 --> 00:08:24.720 no one separate. 83 00:08:24.720 --> 00:08:25.720 Boom. 84 00:08:25.720 --> 00:08:35.320 So, let's break this down a little bit, this is the divine perspective, the very blueprint 85 00:08:35.320 --> 00:08:41.000 from heaven around intimacy, starts like this, the Creator, in the beginning, the Creator 86 00:08:41.000 --> 00:08:45.560 made them male and female, so genders, he's addressing genders, he's addressing sexuality, 87 00:08:45.560 --> 00:08:52.080 he's addressing sex drive even, the next part addresses sex drive even more specifically, 88 00:08:52.080 --> 00:08:59.280 and for this reason, a man will leave his mother and father and be united to his wife, 89 00:08:59.280 --> 00:09:05.080 and the two will become one flesh, and so that thing that's driving, right, so the initial 90 00:09:05.080 --> 00:09:11.200 thing that's driving and moving a man towards his wife is a sex drive, now God put a sex 91 00:09:11.200 --> 00:09:21.960 drive in you, and it can be really powerful, so, how strong, how strong do you think the 92 00:09:21.960 --> 00:09:26.000 sex drive is that God created? 93 00:09:26.000 --> 00:09:30.200 Sex drive isn't an accident, sex drive is something that God designed, now if you were 94 00:09:30.200 --> 00:09:35.120 to look at a group of teenagers, say you were to assess a group of teenagers and follow 95 00:09:35.120 --> 00:09:42.160 them around and do a survey, how high on a 1 to 10 do you think the average 17 year old 96 00:09:42.160 --> 00:09:45.440 sex drive is? 97 00:09:45.440 --> 00:09:48.680 This is specifically talking about the sex drive in a man, and it's the sex drive in 98 00:09:48.680 --> 00:09:55.480 a man that's going to drive him towards intimacy, so if you surveyed 117 year old male teenagers 99 00:09:55.480 --> 00:10:00.000 on a 1 to 10, give me a guess on how, uh, weak are they? 100 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:04.480 you think their sex drive would be? All right so just put it in the comments put you know 1 to 10 101 00:10:04.480 --> 00:10:10.800 you serve a hundred 17 year old teenage boys where is their sex drive at on a 1 to 10 just 102 00:10:10.800 --> 00:10:16.000 whack that in the comments all right and I would be thinking that it's going to be pretty much an 103 00:10:16.000 --> 00:10:23.040 8 plus uh you know maybe higher you know an 8 plus maybe a 9 for most of those teenagers there 104 00:10:23.040 --> 00:10:28.800 is a high sex drive now that's not a demonic thing that's a divine design that's the way that 105 00:10:28.800 --> 00:10:36.560 God created in the very first place and it drives drives us especially drives men especially but 106 00:10:36.560 --> 00:10:42.080 that sex drive and woman is uh you know it's just as strong that can obviously some of you guys know 107 00:10:42.080 --> 00:10:48.880 that you know sex drive can change and fluctuate at different ages but it's strong and it's divine 108 00:10:48.880 --> 00:10:53.200 and it's not an accident it's part of our divine design and the divine blueprint for who we are as 109 00:10:53.200 --> 00:11:02.480 humans it starts with a sex drive but it leads somewhere and then Jesus goes on to say where it 110 00:11:02.480 --> 00:11:08.400 leads for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two 111 00:11:08.400 --> 00:11:17.840 will become one flesh so they are no longer two but one flesh therefore what God has joined together 112 00:11:17.840 --> 00:11:24.720 let no one separate so this is kind of important because what initiates and begins with a sex drive 113 00:11:24.720 --> 00:11:32.240 ends in something different and it cultivates and leads towards ultimately divine romance 114 00:11:32.240 --> 00:11:36.880 that cultivates and leads towards an intimacy that is so much better than sex could ever be 115 00:11:36.880 --> 00:11:44.640 an intimacy that far supersedes sex so let's go to John 17 and we'll touch on that John 17 116 00:11:45.200 --> 00:11:51.280 just one verse very quickly here verse 22 and we're going to look at this whole concept of 117 00:11:51.840 --> 00:12:00.640 divine romance Jesus says here I have given them the same glory that the father gave me 118 00:12:02.000 --> 00:12:08.240 that you that they may be one as we are one now this is powerful here because he's talking about 119 00:12:08.240 --> 00:12:15.280 this divine union the divine romance or the divine dance and this is flipping amazing because 120 00:12:15.840 --> 00:12:22.080 if you look at the blueprint for the divine romance so you look at a blueprint for the divine 121 00:12:22.080 --> 00:12:27.760 dance so you look at a blueprint for divine intimacy we always have to look at the fellowship 122 00:12:27.760 --> 00:12:33.200 of the trinity and in the fellowship of the trinity we have the father and the son and the 123 00:12:33.280 --> 00:12:39.440 holy spirit each of them receiving divine love perfectly and each of them giving perfect 124 00:12:39.440 --> 00:12:45.680 expression to divine love so the father and the son are pouring out divine love perfectly over 125 00:12:45.680 --> 00:12:50.080 the holy spirit in the holy spirits receiving divine love perfectly and the holy spirit 126 00:12:50.080 --> 00:12:56.000 and the son pouring that out over the father it's beautiful divine dance where each member 127 00:12:56.000 --> 00:13:02.160 of the trinity is receiving divine love perfectly and giving perfect expression to divine to divine 128 00:13:02.160 --> 00:13:10.880 love now if we analyze that love for a moment that uh that love is not a calm love it's not 129 00:13:11.680 --> 00:13:18.320 a withdrawn love it's not a held back love it's an extravagant outrageous supernatural love and 130 00:13:18.320 --> 00:13:25.040 it's it's expressed in extreme delight it's expressed in this phenomenal dance in this 131 00:13:25.040 --> 00:13:32.400 phenomenal romance of extreme divine delight this perpetual divine delight that explodes over 132 00:13:32.400 --> 00:13:36.320 and in and through one another and there's this constant divine romance where the 133 00:13:36.320 --> 00:13:43.280 the fullness this and it's like it just goes on it's an eternal dynamic of this constant 134 00:13:43.280 --> 00:13:49.600 ever-growing explosion of delight you know we take delight on steroids and then it just goes 135 00:13:49.600 --> 00:13:56.160 from glory to glory this delight is constantly received and expressed and enjoyed and delighted 136 00:13:56.160 --> 00:14:00.640 and it just goes over and over and round and round and it's on fire and it's extravagant 137 00:14:00.640 --> 00:14:06.480 and it's phenomenal it's mind-blowing it's unconditional it's wild it's this wild divine 138 00:14:06.480 --> 00:14:12.640 romance and that's where like jesus what's that's what he's leading into that's what he's speaking 139 00:14:12.640 --> 00:14:20.000 about in matthew 19 where they become one flesh they become one and in this oneness in this in 140 00:14:20.000 --> 00:14:26.720 the perfect divine design for our marriages and for our romances what it's supposed to look like 141 00:14:26.720 --> 00:14:33.280 is the same model that the trinity has where it's this explosion of perpetual delight in one another 142 00:14:33.280 --> 00:14:40.160 at this dance of expressing and you're receiving and expressing wild wild wild divine delight 143 00:14:41.120 --> 00:14:47.120 it's a level of intimacy that is way greater than sex so boom got a little bit of context 144 00:14:47.120 --> 00:14:54.160 there so i hope you guys are driving with me um on the blueprint there of uh what divine romance 145 00:14:54.160 --> 00:14:59.920 is about it's about so much more than just living in the same 146 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:08.480 in house. So we're gonna jump over here now and we're going to check out the seven sacred pathways 147 00:15:08.480 --> 00:15:15.360 to intimacy which we checked out in the last video but we're going to do a deep dive on these now. 148 00:15:16.880 --> 00:15:25.440 We'll start with 5, 6 and 7. So 5, 6 and 7 is financial directional and sexual and in marriages 149 00:15:25.440 --> 00:15:32.800 that fall apart these are the big three makers or breakers right. These are the main reasons that 150 00:15:32.800 --> 00:15:39.520 couples give for divorce, financial reasons, directional reasons or sexual reasons. Boom 151 00:15:39.520 --> 00:15:48.000 the big three makers or breakers. Then over here these other three are the foundations, 152 00:15:48.880 --> 00:15:51.440 spiritual, emotional, intellectual and that's what we're going to get into 153 00:15:51.920 --> 00:15:57.760 today and then we've got sensual which could be tucked in here quite close to sexual but it's not 154 00:15:57.760 --> 00:16:02.400 referenced specifically as one of the main deal breakers so it's kind of on its own 155 00:16:02.400 --> 00:16:09.360 lonely here for a moment but really significant. So spiritual, I want to chat in this session about 156 00:16:09.360 --> 00:16:15.520 how the spiritual, the emotional and the intellectual foundations all work together. So I've got a few 157 00:16:15.520 --> 00:16:24.960 little diagrams here that I'm going to explain. Before that let me jump into my story though. 158 00:16:26.640 --> 00:16:40.080 So when I started pursuing Jesus at 18 I really started to intentionally engage in a pursuit of 159 00:16:41.040 --> 00:16:45.280 really going after Jesus. Let me know in the comments that how old were you when you made a 160 00:16:45.280 --> 00:16:50.240 decision or where were you in life when you made a decision to start intentionally pursuing Jesus. 161 00:16:50.240 --> 00:16:54.400 Love to hear from you. How old are you? Can you remember, can you remember a moment when you 162 00:16:54.400 --> 00:17:01.120 decided that's it I'm going after Jesus. I want to know him. I want to be serious. I'm all in. 163 00:17:01.120 --> 00:17:05.520 For me I was 18. Love to hear. Just whack that down in the comments. How old were you? 164 00:17:06.240 --> 00:17:12.240 What was going on for you? What happened? When I was 18 I went all in like this is it I'm going 165 00:17:12.240 --> 00:17:18.079 in for Jesus and I didn't really know that much of how to pray. I didn't understand it but I was 166 00:17:18.079 --> 00:17:23.119 like I'm just going to take, just going to make a start and start pursuing Jesus. Start going after 167 00:17:23.119 --> 00:17:29.840 him and what ended up happening for me is I started pursuing Jesus. He started tidying up my life so 168 00:17:30.640 --> 00:17:35.360 drinking. I started cutting back on drinking and that changed and I started getting rid of 169 00:17:35.360 --> 00:17:42.640 all sorts of music that was no good for me. I started making some significant changes on 170 00:17:42.640 --> 00:17:49.360 parties and things like this. Some structural stuff started changing around my life 171 00:17:52.480 --> 00:18:01.040 and this went on for I don't know maybe about a year or so of Jesus just tidying up stuff and he 172 00:18:01.040 --> 00:18:05.120 was kind of tidying up like almost the peripheral stuff but then it got to a point where boom 173 00:18:05.680 --> 00:18:13.120 Jesus got right into the very core of who I am and he started going after my secret sin. So he 174 00:18:13.120 --> 00:18:20.080 started going after the stuff in me that was the biggest sense of shame. The biggest source of 175 00:18:20.800 --> 00:18:27.600 shame. The biggest source of self-hatred in my heart. The biggest sense of inadequacy that I 176 00:18:27.600 --> 00:18:34.480 carried around. So he went straight, he went right in there to the things that had taken place that 177 00:18:34.480 --> 00:18:39.120 caused me to think that I was not enough more than anything else. He went for the core stuff and that 178 00:18:39.120 --> 00:18:46.480 was, that stuff for me was as deep, as secret, as personal as things could get and so he goes right 179 00:18:46.480 --> 00:18:50.240 into the very core of my being. He's like right I want you to start dealing with your secret sin 180 00:18:50.240 --> 00:18:55.760 and I was like no way. In fact I made a deal with Jesus. This is kind of my, this is how my deal 181 00:18:55.840 --> 00:19:02.400 went. I made a deal with Jesus and I was like I will confess this to you but after that I'll take 182 00:19:02.400 --> 00:19:09.600 it to my grave and you shut up. That was my deal. Have you ever made a deal? Let me know if you guys 183 00:19:09.600 --> 00:19:15.520 have ever made a deal with Jesus where you said, you know, you just, you just made a deal with him 184 00:19:15.520 --> 00:19:19.840 that was never going to happen. So this deal was never going to go down. It wasn't, Jesus wasn't 185 00:19:19.840 --> 00:19:26.320 on board. I was just like this is how it's going to be and it didn't turn out like that. So 186 00:19:28.400 --> 00:19:34.720 it kind of got me to this awkward position right where I was all in for Jesus but there was this 187 00:19:34.720 --> 00:19:41.520 one area of my heart, my secret sin stuff, where I was totally ashamed and felt completely inadequate 188 00:19:41.520 --> 00:19:46.880 and I was absolutely terrified and I wouldn't, I didn't want anyone to go there and I definitely, 189 00:19:46.880 --> 00:19:50.080 it was crazy, even though God knew everything about it, I just definitely wouldn't want to 190 00:19:50.080 --> 00:19:55.840 have that conversation. I would just like emotionally freak out. I couldn't handle anyone going there 191 00:19:58.080 --> 00:19:59.760 and 192 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:03.240 Haha, hi, um, hi Daisy. Oh 193 00:20:05.560 --> 00:20:13.040 Hey, what was that? Okay. Sorry guys. I'm just I don't know what happened to see 194 00:20:21.360 --> 00:20:24.920 My video just turned sideways 195 00:20:25.440 --> 00:20:27.440 Before 196 00:20:30.120 --> 00:20:32.360 Crikey little technical detail here 197 00:20:37.560 --> 00:20:39.760 Sorry guys something weird is happening here 198 00:20:43.480 --> 00:20:46.680 Give me a thumbs up if the video is the same for you guys or if it's changed 199 00:20:46.680 --> 00:20:51.040 Can someone just make a comment and just let me know? Hey Jeff good to see because not so much make a comment 200 00:20:51.040 --> 00:20:53.040 And let me know if your video has gone 201 00:20:53.720 --> 00:20:55.600 Sideways 202 00:20:55.600 --> 00:20:57.640 Things seem all right to you. Okay 203 00:20:59.160 --> 00:21:02.440 Might just be my might just be my view which is crazy 204 00:21:04.080 --> 00:21:12.400 It's okay, right? Oh, so that's good sweetness Jeff my man. It's all good from you guys. Okay, so 205 00:21:14.600 --> 00:21:19.360 I was in this awkward position where I was all in in the pursuit of Jesus 206 00:21:19.360 --> 00:21:21.360 I'm all in the pursuit of Jesus 207 00:21:21.760 --> 00:21:25.880 But at the same time I didn't I was trying to avoid it because God was trying to have this conversation 208 00:21:26.600 --> 00:21:28.600 with me about 209 00:21:29.600 --> 00:21:33.360 About the secret sin and so I'd go and I'd be going and I'd be praying 210 00:21:33.360 --> 00:21:39.480 I'll be spending hours every week going and praying and pursuing him and going after him and I'm having all this time pursuing God at 211 00:21:39.480 --> 00:21:45.000 The same time I'm trying to I'm trying to avoid him because all he wants to talk about is my secret sin 212 00:21:45.000 --> 00:21:50.440 And so ultimately I did the most terrifying thing that I've ever done in my life 213 00:21:50.440 --> 00:21:56.480 And it wasn't something adventurous the most terrifying thing that I've ever done in my life was to address 214 00:21:56.840 --> 00:22:01.360 my own secret sin issues, and I had to go into my past and 215 00:22:02.080 --> 00:22:06.680 Really for a lot of people what what my issues were what my secret sins were 216 00:22:06.960 --> 00:22:11.400 Wouldn't have been an issue for you at all, but for me when I was a kid 217 00:22:12.080 --> 00:22:18.920 Doctors and nurses and just mainly curious stuff when I was a young fellow, you know five six years old and I was like 218 00:22:18.920 --> 00:22:20.880 Oh my gosh 219 00:22:20.880 --> 00:22:28.000 the devil just got on me about that and I was feeling so inadequate that I've been playing doctors and nurses as a kid and 220 00:22:28.800 --> 00:22:35.120 There was just something on the inside of me. I was so so scared and terrified of this thing and 221 00:22:35.720 --> 00:22:38.840 anyway, I had to go and address all these people from my past and 222 00:22:39.440 --> 00:22:41.720 Ultimately was amazing and to be honest 223 00:22:41.720 --> 00:22:42.400 that was a 224 00:22:42.400 --> 00:22:44.880 that experience lead to the greatest sense of 225 00:22:45.240 --> 00:22:50.120 personal freedom personal breakthrough that I've ever done when God started addressing and dealing with my secret sin, but 226 00:22:51.360 --> 00:22:55.400 Here's why and I'm going to show you now. Here's why that 227 00:22:56.280 --> 00:23:00.840 decision why that action ultimately lead to set me up for 228 00:23:02.480 --> 00:23:04.960 Intimacy in my marriage that's better than sex 229 00:23:06.120 --> 00:23:07.840 Okay 230 00:23:07.840 --> 00:23:14.760 So I'm going to start utilizing these diagrams now you guys are familiar with the five love languages 231 00:23:14.760 --> 00:23:19.160 So quality time acts of service touch words of affirmation and gifts 232 00:23:19.640 --> 00:23:26.160 now I have turned those five love languages into five love tanks, all right, and 233 00:23:27.080 --> 00:23:32.600 this particular diagram and set up represents my love languages in how 234 00:23:33.040 --> 00:23:35.040 So the one that is that the 235 00:23:36.080 --> 00:23:38.080 emptiest is 236 00:23:38.080 --> 00:23:42.280 My highest love language. Okay, so touch and then after that words of affirmation 237 00:23:42.280 --> 00:23:46.960 Then after that quality time the next of service and gifts. I'm going to show you how this interacts 238 00:23:48.000 --> 00:23:54.160 With the spiritual side of things and this spiritual dynamic in the spiritual pathway 239 00:23:56.760 --> 00:24:00.840 This consists of everything you know, like our image of God and like God's love 240 00:24:01.000 --> 00:24:05.080 Image of God our identity our values our vision our level of wholeness 241 00:24:05.680 --> 00:24:13.160 But it's all about belief. So everything that you everything that you believe your whole life everything that you have learned now 242 00:24:13.160 --> 00:24:16.480 If there's anything that you've learned in your life, that's a lie 243 00:24:16.480 --> 00:24:22.120 That's not true how it ultimately affects you in your area of your 244 00:24:22.720 --> 00:24:29.880 Love things is this it's like someone every lie you believe it's like someone goes boom and shoots a bullet hole and one of your love 245 00:24:29.880 --> 00:24:36.080 tanks, so you believe a lie boom you get you get another hole and your love tank and 246 00:24:38.040 --> 00:24:40.040 Mate we believe 247 00:24:40.200 --> 00:24:46.180 Thousands of lies the amount of lies that we believe it's just crazy. It's random. So for me, this is what this is what? 248 00:24:46.760 --> 00:24:51.720 How it impacted my love tanks all these lies in my belief system. It's like someone's taking a machine gun 249 00:24:55.080 --> 00:24:58.160 And just like gone to town blasting my 250 00:24:58.160 --> 00:25:00.640 Love tanks 251 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:04.000 It's taken an absolute hiding, it's like a war zone. 252 00:25:04.000 --> 00:25:12.200 So every lie that we believe ultimately leads to our love tanks being shot up, which means 253 00:25:12.200 --> 00:25:17.840 boom, they start leaking, you know, start pouring out, start gushing love all over the 254 00:25:17.840 --> 00:25:22.840 place. 255 00:25:22.840 --> 00:25:31.320 And so the result of that is that we become really needy, dun dun dun, we'll get to this 256 00:25:31.320 --> 00:25:34.120 a little bit more in a moment. 257 00:25:34.120 --> 00:25:36.760 We start becoming really needy. 258 00:25:36.760 --> 00:25:42.680 On these three pathways here, the spiritual, emotional, intellectual, as we start nailing 259 00:25:42.680 --> 00:25:51.880 that, oh thanks Stuart, as we start really developing spiritual, emotional and intellectual 260 00:25:51.880 --> 00:25:59.480 those pathways, what they determine is they determine our capacity to receive and express 261 00:25:59.480 --> 00:26:03.120 love. 262 00:26:03.120 --> 00:26:07.360 One of the reasons that I talk about sonship all the time, and I love talking about identity 263 00:26:07.360 --> 00:26:13.080 and I love talking about sonship and revealing the father, is because the art of sonship, 264 00:26:13.080 --> 00:26:20.240 or when we're mature in our sonship, the art of sonship is the ability to receive divine 265 00:26:20.240 --> 00:26:26.000 love perfectly and the ability to give perfect expression to divine love. 266 00:26:26.000 --> 00:26:27.000 How's that? 267 00:26:27.000 --> 00:26:34.440 Let me say that again nice and slowly, but the art of sonship is the ability to receive 268 00:26:34.440 --> 00:26:39.720 divine love perfectly and give perfect expression to divine love. 269 00:26:39.720 --> 00:26:42.920 Oh, I love that. 270 00:26:42.920 --> 00:26:49.720 So for me I was in an interesting place, right, and I think this applies to all of us, like 271 00:26:50.200 --> 00:26:54.040 let me know if you think you've believed some lies, you know, if you've believed lies, or 272 00:26:54.040 --> 00:26:57.400 even some of the key lies that you might have believed. 273 00:26:57.400 --> 00:27:02.280 One of the huge ones for me is just that I was inadequate, I didn't feel like I was enough, 274 00:27:02.280 --> 00:27:12.040 I had carried around that sense of shame and inadequacy, and let me show you how this dynamic 275 00:27:12.040 --> 00:27:23.160 of shame and inadequacy ends up impacting us, and how it ends up ruining our capacity 276 00:27:23.160 --> 00:27:25.160 for intimacy. 277 00:27:25.160 --> 00:27:35.560 Okay, so we'll go with it like this, okay, so first of all you believe a lie, boom, and 278 00:27:35.560 --> 00:27:41.720 that lie, every time you believe a lie, especially if it's to do with inadequacy, you know, or 279 00:27:41.720 --> 00:27:47.560 identity, the lie will usually lead you to believe this, that you're inadequate, somehow 280 00:27:47.560 --> 00:27:57.080 you are inadequate, boom, and whenever you believe that you're inadequate in any way, 281 00:27:57.080 --> 00:28:06.120 it automatically produces shame, which is a toxic, a substance that is totally toxic 282 00:28:06.120 --> 00:28:17.480 to humanity, and shame is toxic to intimacy, shame destroys intimacy, because as soon as 283 00:28:17.480 --> 00:28:28.440 we have shame, it also leads to self-hatred, but where it leads us to, is it leads us to 284 00:28:28.440 --> 00:28:46.600 isolation, leads us to isolation, we end up putting up walls, we end up just hiding 285 00:28:46.600 --> 00:28:53.960 the exact opposite of getting vulnerable, the exact opposite of intimacy, and so every 286 00:28:54.200 --> 00:28:58.280 lie that we have ultimately starts creating these walls of separation, these walls of 287 00:28:58.280 --> 00:29:08.280 disconnection, and they restrict and inhibit our ability to receive love, whether that's 288 00:29:08.280 --> 00:29:15.080 with God in a spiritual dynamic, or whether that's with someone else, and so in this beliefs 289 00:29:15.080 --> 00:29:21.560 dynamic, this is huge, we have lies, which lead to inadequacy, which lead to shame, which 290 00:29:21.720 --> 00:29:27.480 leads to isolation, and then also in that isolation place, which we're not going to 291 00:29:27.480 --> 00:29:36.360 talk about, we end up having coping mechanisms, and that coping mechanisms could be all sorts 292 00:29:36.360 --> 00:29:43.400 of addictions, unhealthy emotions, unhealthy behaviours, in that coping mechanisms dynamic. 293 00:29:45.960 --> 00:29:50.680 Alright, so I've got another diagram here as well, that we're going to look at, this 294 00:29:50.680 --> 00:29:55.880 is the stress-o-meter, so we've covered that spiritual dynamic, the spiritual dynamic is 295 00:29:55.880 --> 00:29:59.160 really one of the most influential dynamics of what 296 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:03.580 What enables you to receive and express 297 00:30:04.480 --> 00:30:08.280 divine love or receive and express love in any type of human relationship and 298 00:30:09.080 --> 00:30:15.520 That's where our beliefs are. If you believe a lie, it leads to inadequacy, shame, isolation, coping mechanisms 299 00:30:15.520 --> 00:30:22.440 Which could be really unhealthy emotions and behaviors and ultimately it puts holes all through our love tank. So why was it 300 00:30:23.280 --> 00:30:28.400 Why was the most terrifying thing that I ever did as a single man? 301 00:30:29.160 --> 00:30:33.600 The thing that set me up for intimacy in my marriage that was better than sex 302 00:30:33.800 --> 00:30:36.880 Here's why because this shame, this lie 303 00:30:37.840 --> 00:30:41.120 inadequacy, the shame, the isolation and 304 00:30:41.800 --> 00:30:48.480 The coping mechanisms were ultimately became these huge holes in my love tanks 305 00:30:48.480 --> 00:30:52.720 Now I wasn't aware of this at the time, but it had created these huge holes 306 00:30:53.720 --> 00:30:56.880 Making me believe things like I'm not worthy to be loved 307 00:31:00.680 --> 00:31:08.760 Yeah, why would anyone love me? So my value went right down. So I've got these huge holes in my in my love tanks 308 00:31:08.800 --> 00:31:16.560 I've got these huge issues with putting up walls and distance and facade and hiding and that just causes me to be an individual 309 00:31:17.000 --> 00:31:18.800 that 310 00:31:18.800 --> 00:31:25.560 Let's put this in a context. You can have an encounter with God one night and feel like radically filled and baptized and love of God 311 00:31:25.560 --> 00:31:31.880 So wow, that's amazing. And then BAM the next day you feel dry again. Oh my gosh 312 00:31:31.880 --> 00:31:36.080 What's going on with that? Like I had this love encounter and now I feel 313 00:31:36.800 --> 00:31:40.600 Unloved, now I feel distant, now I feel disconnected. Does God even love me anymore? 314 00:31:41.160 --> 00:31:45.600 And oftentimes that's because we've got these big holes in our love tanks 315 00:31:45.640 --> 00:31:49.360 Which drain us out and also make us really really needy. Now 316 00:31:50.040 --> 00:31:54.800 God's less judgmental on us when we're like that, but it becomes harder in romantic relationships 317 00:31:55.640 --> 00:31:59.840 All right, so I'm going to jump in here now to the emotional pathway 318 00:32:08.280 --> 00:32:11.240 What I'm going to say about the emotional side of things is that 319 00:32:12.080 --> 00:32:17.560 The emotional pathway is totally dictated by the spiritual pathway 320 00:32:20.640 --> 00:32:23.680 Under the emotional category, we've got the five love languages 321 00:32:24.360 --> 00:32:30.760 This is also in the emotional category where spiritual issues start. They first begin to start showing up 322 00:32:31.640 --> 00:32:36.480 These identity issues they start cropping up in our emotions. It's the first place that we start to see them and 323 00:32:37.480 --> 00:32:44.960 The emotions, our emotional pathway, it dictates our ability to actually to have to communicate with people to 324 00:32:45.040 --> 00:32:47.040 to actually communicate and have 325 00:32:47.360 --> 00:32:49.360 have healthy conversations and 326 00:32:50.000 --> 00:32:54.240 Healthy communication. Let me let me show you with this diagram here on the stress-omitive 327 00:32:56.280 --> 00:32:58.240 Let me ask you this for a question 328 00:32:58.240 --> 00:33:05.240 How was the stress levels for you over the last say five years? In the last five years have you had high stress? 329 00:33:06.080 --> 00:33:09.000 Medium stress, low stress or no stress? 330 00:33:10.800 --> 00:33:11.960 Interestingly 331 00:33:11.960 --> 00:33:18.320 Stress produces chemicals through our body. One of the main ones is cortisol. Cortisol is one of the main stress 332 00:33:19.080 --> 00:33:25.600 chemicals and it doesn't like when you have a stressful situation that you're going through a stressful period that 333 00:33:26.160 --> 00:33:29.440 chemical cortisol which impacts your you know, it actually 334 00:33:30.400 --> 00:33:33.000 Your brain releases it when you're in a stressful time 335 00:33:33.440 --> 00:33:37.680 But cortisol can build up in your system and actually builds up 336 00:33:37.680 --> 00:33:44.920 So if you've had a season where you've had a lot of stress this cortisol will actually build up in your system and 337 00:33:47.080 --> 00:33:53.520 It impacts your ability to handle stress. Now some people who've been in stressful situations or 338 00:33:55.360 --> 00:34:00.800 You know over a long period of time or they've got a lot of emotional stuff going on or 339 00:34:01.800 --> 00:34:08.080 They haven't mastered, you know, especially if we haven't mastered the ability of such we haven't mastered or gone on this journey of mastering 340 00:34:08.920 --> 00:34:15.560 The art of sonship which is receiving divine love and expressing divine love the more you could even say the more we are in this 341 00:34:15.560 --> 00:34:17.560 orphan state of being 342 00:34:17.679 --> 00:34:23.920 The more stressed out we're going to be so let's just say that someone here on the normal day 343 00:34:24.520 --> 00:34:30.400 Their stress level will just this is a made-up machine. You can't go and buy one of these from my tent 344 00:34:30.480 --> 00:34:34.800 But let's just say that this person's stress level is at 95 345 00:34:36.239 --> 00:34:38.239 Percent. Okay, so they've only got 346 00:34:38.800 --> 00:34:44.880 5% capacity so something small happens for them and then that small thing that happens for them 347 00:34:45.199 --> 00:34:51.199 Because they're already at 95% so just a small thing happens and boom. They are gonna have a meltdown 348 00:34:52.159 --> 00:34:57.160 So meltdown goes on. It's a big explosion a big meltdown happens 349 00:34:58.320 --> 00:35:00.320 You guys know people like that 350 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:07.480 Like you have to walk on eggshells all around them because if you don't walk in if you're not like super super careful around 351 00:35:07.880 --> 00:35:14.000 Every word you say around that person if you're not super super careful around exactly how you act that person's going to become 352 00:35:14.880 --> 00:35:18.360 Dysfunctional they are going to have a serious issue something that's going to go down 353 00:35:20.120 --> 00:35:22.120 Then there's other people 354 00:35:22.440 --> 00:35:28.480 Yeah, they might have more capacity to handle. We'll just say there's someone else here. They're a 50% 355 00:35:30.000 --> 00:35:32.000 But the more pressure that comes on 356 00:35:32.800 --> 00:35:37.240 Yeah, obviously they've got more capacity, but as pressure comes on boom they can come to this place where they have 357 00:35:37.920 --> 00:35:44.600 An emotional freak out one of the scientific names for it is an amygdala hijack, and we touched on that briefly 358 00:35:46.000 --> 00:35:49.040 last in the last session in part two about how the 359 00:35:50.080 --> 00:35:57.760 The brain is broken down into a few different areas so one at one part of the brain is this the fight flight or freeze 360 00:35:58.520 --> 00:36:02.560 Survival instinct which is called the amygdala and the amygdala part of your brain 361 00:36:03.120 --> 00:36:08.840 It's not there's not there's no one tapped out intelligence here. It's not about being smart. It's not about being intelligent 362 00:36:08.840 --> 00:36:13.040 It's just about survival which means the amygdala is really really fast 363 00:36:13.160 --> 00:36:17.280 It's one of the fastest parts of your brain to work, but it doesn't carry any 364 00:36:18.000 --> 00:36:22.200 Intelligence so the intelligent part of your brain is the frontal cortex 365 00:36:22.200 --> 00:36:29.600 And what happens when your stress level reaches a hundred is boom an explosion takes place it kicks off 366 00:36:29.600 --> 00:36:33.480 You have an amygdala hijack and that amygdala hijack results in 367 00:36:34.240 --> 00:36:36.240 shutting down 368 00:36:36.280 --> 00:36:38.280 your access 369 00:36:39.120 --> 00:36:45.040 Shuts down your brain's access to your frontal cortex where that's where all your you know 370 00:36:45.040 --> 00:36:51.760 All your good learning is all your great skills your communication skills your boundary skills all of those things are in your frontal cortex 371 00:36:51.800 --> 00:36:53.640 and if you have an emotional 372 00:36:53.640 --> 00:37:00.120 Freak out you've no longer got access to your frontal cortex so even if you wanted to you could not 373 00:37:00.680 --> 00:37:02.680 You could not be accessing 374 00:37:03.800 --> 00:37:05.320 the 375 00:37:05.320 --> 00:37:08.920 All the good things that you that you've learned so under intellectual 376 00:37:09.880 --> 00:37:15.760 So that's why I have under here. It says the emotional it dictates your ability to communicate 377 00:37:17.240 --> 00:37:21.000 Let me just put something in here as well for you around emotions 378 00:37:21.760 --> 00:37:23.760 Is that Jesus is the model? 379 00:37:24.120 --> 00:37:25.400 I 380 00:37:25.400 --> 00:37:29.360 Love this. I love this verse John 14 12 Jesus said 381 00:37:30.280 --> 00:37:37.440 Anyone who has faith in me will do what I've been doing and they will do even greater things than these and for me 382 00:37:37.440 --> 00:37:38.920 I mainly 383 00:37:38.920 --> 00:37:43.840 Attributed that to the supernatural dynamic of Jesus ministry. I'm like oh, yeah anyone who? 384 00:37:44.400 --> 00:37:46.400 has faith in Jesus 385 00:37:46.480 --> 00:37:50.960 Will be able to do supernatural things, but it's that faith that word faith there 386 00:37:50.960 --> 00:37:53.720 It's all about bliss and it comes under the spiritual 387 00:37:54.280 --> 00:37:59.920 Pathway, so anyone who it's not so anyone who thinks the same way that Jesus thinks 388 00:38:00.600 --> 00:38:05.280 Will be able to operate and function the same way that Jesus functions 389 00:38:07.000 --> 00:38:09.520 Let's apply that here as well to these love tanks 390 00:38:10.400 --> 00:38:12.600 I'm gonna share with you soon how that 391 00:38:13.120 --> 00:38:17.960 How these love my specific my love tanks specifically impact my relationship 392 00:38:18.760 --> 00:38:20.120 but 393 00:38:20.120 --> 00:38:22.120 Let's look at this John 14 12 394 00:38:23.760 --> 00:38:25.120 And 395 00:38:25.120 --> 00:38:29.100 How that actually applies to our emotions. Jesus said anyone who? 396 00:38:29.920 --> 00:38:34.080 Thinks the same as as I think will function the same as I function 397 00:38:38.400 --> 00:38:40.400 When we apply that to the stressometer 398 00:38:41.280 --> 00:38:47.000 Another way you can look at it is that Jesus is saying he is the model. He's the model for what normal 399 00:38:47.560 --> 00:38:49.880 Sonship looks like he's the model for what normal 400 00:38:50.320 --> 00:38:56.440 Christianity looks like if you want to see what the model looks like what's the blueprint for your life under stressful conditions? 401 00:38:56.760 --> 00:38:59.640 Well, Jesus is the model. So how did Jesus operate? 402 00:39:00.280 --> 00:39:05.800 Under stressful conditions did Jesus have an amygdala hijacked and he did Jesus freak out 403 00:39:06.600 --> 00:39:10.680 How did Jesus handle stress and all those things 404 00:39:11.480 --> 00:39:15.360 this is one of the things that really really helped my marriage when 405 00:39:16.240 --> 00:39:22.200 Things were really under pressure for me when I was feeling like I had those questions of all my goodness 406 00:39:22.400 --> 00:39:24.560 Can I sustain this marriage now? 407 00:39:24.560 --> 00:39:29.800 I want you to ask that question if you ever had that question pop through your mind at a time of stress when 408 00:39:30.560 --> 00:39:36.520 Emotions are you know, I'm building up for you a stress is building up for you. Have you ever asked yourself that question? 409 00:39:36.680 --> 00:39:38.680 Can I sustain this? 410 00:39:39.000 --> 00:39:44.400 Marriage, so when I was having that and the pressure was was was growing and building 411 00:39:44.600 --> 00:39:50.880 this is one of the things that really changed like actually empowered me to keep on going is that I 412 00:39:51.560 --> 00:39:59.520 Was growing in sonship and the more you grow in sonship the more capacity you have to actually deal with stress 413 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:06.160 in a healthy way the more capacity you have to have healthy emotions and not have an emotional 414 00:40:06.160 --> 00:40:12.160 freak out even under extreme stress so bearing in mind that Jesus is the model so say with me 415 00:40:12.160 --> 00:40:16.480 Jesus is the model boom just type that in there say Jesus is the model so Jesus is the model 416 00:40:17.040 --> 00:40:20.560 and here's what we're going to look at we're going to look at the fact that when Jesus is 417 00:40:20.560 --> 00:40:27.280 on the cross right when Jesus is on the cross uh think about the the stress levels he's had there 418 00:40:27.280 --> 00:40:33.200 i don't know about you guys but if you experienced uh someone stripping your clothes off in public 419 00:40:34.000 --> 00:40:37.920 how would how would you feel if someone came up to you a group of guys came up to you in public 420 00:40:37.920 --> 00:40:42.560 they stripped your clothes off and they gambled them away uh where would the stress level be for 421 00:40:42.560 --> 00:40:49.760 you in that i i personally i'd be um i'd be that'd be pretty stressful for me what if they 422 00:40:49.760 --> 00:40:56.480 stripped your clothes off tied you up and gambled you gambled your clothes away or if you just look 423 00:40:56.480 --> 00:41:01.600 at that in the context of Jesus they stripped his clothes off him they whipped him they beat him 424 00:41:01.600 --> 00:41:06.240 flogged him and they're crucifying him naked in front of everyone and even in the midst of that 425 00:41:06.240 --> 00:41:11.600 he doesn't at one point he doesn't have an emotional freak out he doesn't have an amygdala 426 00:41:11.600 --> 00:41:16.720 hijack because when you walk in your sonship you really understand your identity 427 00:41:18.720 --> 00:41:25.360 this changes your whole mode of operation so your capacity to handle stress it all radically changes 428 00:41:25.360 --> 00:41:31.120 which is huge in the context of a of a relationship so Jesus he demonstrates here 429 00:41:31.120 --> 00:41:38.720 that the that the model for our sonship is to walk stress-free boom 430 00:41:42.720 --> 00:41:45.760 and we walk when we walk stress-free and when our emotions 431 00:41:46.320 --> 00:41:53.440 uh are free from being freak in that freak out level we've got full access to our intellectual 432 00:41:53.520 --> 00:41:59.440 pathway so the things that uh i would put under the intellectual pathway for you um that are 433 00:41:59.440 --> 00:42:04.080 really significant things under the intellectual pathway i'll just say to you as well i was even 434 00:42:04.080 --> 00:42:11.280 just having a conversation with alana about this today i believe that it was this this pathway 435 00:42:11.280 --> 00:42:20.000 right here that of all the pathways in the process it was probably the intellectual pathway that 436 00:42:20.000 --> 00:42:27.760 actually saved uh that saved our marriage when we were going through all those like when we were 437 00:42:27.760 --> 00:42:31.600 going through our most intense times and we were struggling the most and when we're trying to 438 00:42:31.600 --> 00:42:35.840 figure all this out without without knowing it but when we're trying to figure it all out and 439 00:42:35.840 --> 00:42:41.920 trying to understand um how to make our marriage work one of the most valuable things that we had 440 00:42:41.920 --> 00:42:49.200 done is before we even got married we spent a lot of time really focusing in on the intellectual 441 00:42:49.200 --> 00:42:54.160 side of things so we learned we did a lot of training with danny silk so we did the communication 442 00:42:54.160 --> 00:43:02.240 dance we um which i really recommend that series bike by danny silk and the best book that i'll 443 00:43:02.240 --> 00:43:07.440 recommend for you on how to develop intellectual intimacy it doesn't say that but it's all the 444 00:43:07.440 --> 00:43:12.000 skills that you need it's really i think the best book in the world on it is danny silk's 445 00:43:12.000 --> 00:43:17.120 book keep your love on all right let me write that up because it's such a genius book keep your love 446 00:43:17.120 --> 00:43:30.320 on keep your love on by danny silk now that book there um that book hadn't come out yet before like 447 00:43:30.320 --> 00:43:36.400 that came up came out after we were married but developing all those skills um how to set healthy 448 00:43:36.400 --> 00:43:43.520 boundaries developing those skills of how to communicate making i statements under under 449 00:43:43.520 --> 00:43:49.520 pressure it kind of seems like it might not be the most important but for us it was one of the 450 00:43:49.520 --> 00:43:56.000 areas that because we spent time on that as uh before we got married it became one of the things 451 00:43:56.000 --> 00:44:02.480 that really really helped to save our marriage when like i shared in in part two last week 452 00:44:03.040 --> 00:44:08.880 uh when we when i was in that place of being really needy um these communication skills 453 00:44:09.440 --> 00:44:17.840 that we learned man they saved us so let me um let me transition now and show you how 454 00:44:18.560 --> 00:44:22.960 these love tanks how this kind of works for us and why i've got them at different deals 455 00:44:23.920 --> 00:44:28.480 boom what's your top love language um why don't you drop in the comments what's your top love 456 00:44:28.480 --> 00:44:34.880 language uh owen good to see you my man um so what's your what's your number one love language 457 00:44:34.880 --> 00:44:41.440 all right let's um let's explore that for me touch boom straight away straight up number one 458 00:44:41.440 --> 00:44:49.520 love language is touch and so on this chart that's why touch actually is the least full okay 459 00:44:50.720 --> 00:44:56.960 um now the interesting thing here just in terms of how the devil will try and ruin your life 460 00:44:57.520 --> 00:44:59.840 or how things one of the reasons why things 461 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:06.240 impact different people differently say for example you grew up at home where 462 00:45:06.240 --> 00:45:12.920 you never had enough right you just there was never enough money for gifts 463 00:45:12.920 --> 00:45:17.700 there was never enough money you know for Christmas if you grew up in a family 464 00:45:17.700 --> 00:45:23.280 like that then that would really damage you that would actually have a real 465 00:45:23.280 --> 00:45:27.440 impact on you because your number one love language is gifts and if you're 466 00:45:27.440 --> 00:45:30.400 number one love language is gifts and not getting that when you're a kid that's 467 00:45:30.400 --> 00:45:39.400 going to have a real real bad effect on you for me gifts is my least so that 468 00:45:39.400 --> 00:45:43.100 wouldn't impact me at all but if your love language like me if your love 469 00:45:43.100 --> 00:45:49.080 language is touch and if someone abused you in a way whether it was physical 470 00:45:49.080 --> 00:45:54.680 abuse or sexual abuse if they abuse you through touch that would have a huge 471 00:45:54.720 --> 00:46:00.040 crushing devastating impact on your life which would open up this enormous wound 472 00:46:00.040 --> 00:46:06.280 which would cause cause you know just your love things to be draining really 473 00:46:06.280 --> 00:46:13.840 quickly on the other hand if you're a gifts person and you had that 474 00:46:13.840 --> 00:46:18.880 tragedy of experiencing physical or sexual abuse but because you're white as 475 00:46:18.880 --> 00:46:23.480 a gifts person that abuse won't impact you as a much as much as it would if 476 00:46:23.480 --> 00:46:27.320 you're a touch person so that's just something just to be aware of I found 477 00:46:27.320 --> 00:46:31.280 that really interesting when I learned that but this is how it is for me on my 478 00:46:31.280 --> 00:46:38.760 love tanks my number one love tank is touch my least is gifts so that means 479 00:46:38.760 --> 00:46:43.520 that my need for touch is way higher my love tank and the two in terms of the 480 00:46:43.520 --> 00:46:49.520 touch one that drains really quickly naturally even without even if it hadn't 481 00:46:49.520 --> 00:46:52.960 have didn't have all these bullet holes in it even if it was in a healthy 482 00:46:52.960 --> 00:46:57.520 context let's just imagine that those bullet holes from our beliefs aren't in 483 00:46:57.520 --> 00:47:04.400 there plus and just think that our our love tanks are really healthy even a 484 00:47:04.400 --> 00:47:10.920 healthy love tank whichever is your number one it will drain faster so for 485 00:47:10.920 --> 00:47:18.120 me if we go a month and we haven't had any sexy times for me I'd be like oh my 486 00:47:18.120 --> 00:47:24.280 gosh it's been a month this is crazy like what's going on and I would be I 487 00:47:24.280 --> 00:47:29.280 would be like whoa there's big issues going on you know for me that would be 488 00:47:29.280 --> 00:47:33.920 crazy for Alana she'd be like oh really it's been a month I had no idea you know 489 00:47:33.920 --> 00:47:40.640 but for me if it was gifts if I went a whole year without Alana ever giving me 490 00:47:40.640 --> 00:47:44.920 a gift it would be completely irrelevant I wouldn't even I'd be like oh really 491 00:47:44.920 --> 00:47:53.840 Wow unfortunate so to the degree that it's your love language impacts how your 492 00:47:53.840 --> 00:47:59.120 level of need in that area and this is one of the things that for us was really 493 00:47:59.120 --> 00:48:07.280 really helpful to break this down and negotiate and this is the skill of 494 00:48:07.280 --> 00:48:15.160 negotiation in marriage is so huge because you know and it's to assume it's 495 00:48:15.160 --> 00:48:19.080 to make an ass out of you and me and assumptions are so dangerous assumptions 496 00:48:19.080 --> 00:48:24.040 are so destructive that's why it's it's literally in your marriage and we did 497 00:48:24.040 --> 00:48:27.400 this in our marriage we just sat down and said well what do you need because 498 00:48:27.400 --> 00:48:34.560 these healthy needs and unhealthy needs but these are healthy needs and you need 499 00:48:34.560 --> 00:48:39.120 to just sit down and figure out if you haven't figured out where your love 500 00:48:39.120 --> 00:48:43.960 languages are sit down and figure out map out your love languages for each of 501 00:48:43.960 --> 00:48:48.680 you and then figure out what your needs are and then bring them into the table 502 00:48:48.680 --> 00:48:51.920 and just bring them into the equation of your whole life actually map out what 503 00:48:51.920 --> 00:48:57.520 your needs are and so you can come up with a scenario that's going to work 504 00:48:57.520 --> 00:49:01.080 well for you where each person is getting their needs met in a really 505 00:49:01.080 --> 00:49:13.240 healthy way there we go so let's bring this bring this towards a landing now on 506 00:49:13.240 --> 00:49:19.440 the inter like the intimacy that is the divine design for our for our lives the 507 00:49:19.440 --> 00:49:27.960 intimacy that divine romance if we're in this when you know when things start 508 00:49:27.960 --> 00:49:32.040 getting healthy for us in our marriages and when we're stepping into that 509 00:49:32.040 --> 00:49:37.760 pathway towards divine romance then it's the nature of love to meet a need so if 510 00:49:37.760 --> 00:49:42.920 you're in that place of actually really understanding your sonship and when your 511 00:49:42.920 --> 00:49:47.600 identity starts we are really working well one of the mindsets that you're 512 00:49:47.600 --> 00:49:51.560 going to have and I just think that this this is the nature of God is it because 513 00:49:51.560 --> 00:49:56.040 he is love the nature of love is to meet needs and we have been created with 514 00:49:56.040 --> 00:50:01.040 health a healthy level of need and 515 00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:06.600 In our marriage there needs to be this dynamic of negotiating and understanding exactly what each other's needs are 516 00:50:06.600 --> 00:50:16.000 and then finding a compromise and I just want to say compromise, negotiate, what do you need in all of those areas? 517 00:50:16.000 --> 00:50:24.600 Where do you need to compromise and negotiate in the spiritual areas, in the emotional, in the intellectual, in the sensual, the financial, the directional, the sexual? 518 00:50:24.600 --> 00:50:26.600 Where do you need to negotiate? 519 00:50:26.600 --> 00:50:33.200 Because directional was such an issue for us, we've spent lots of time negotiating around that. 520 00:50:33.200 --> 00:50:36.000 Sexual, we've spent lots of time negotiating around that. 521 00:50:36.000 --> 00:50:40.400 Financial, we've spent lots of time negotiating, planning, strategizing around that. 522 00:50:40.400 --> 00:50:41.800 Sensual, we've done the same. 523 00:50:41.800 --> 00:50:47.600 Intellectual has actually been, you know, we haven't had to negotiate those so much. 524 00:50:47.600 --> 00:50:51.800 But I just want to say for the big three, these are the big three makers or breakers. 525 00:50:51.800 --> 00:50:59.400 If you haven't got a plan and a strategy and an agreement in those areas, be very careful. 526 00:50:59.400 --> 00:51:09.800 And I would highly recommend of any of the ones that you're going to come up with and negotiate a healthy agreement where you guys have got total agreement, 527 00:51:09.800 --> 00:51:15.800 it would be in the sexual, directional, financial because those are the three big makers or breakers. 528 00:51:15.800 --> 00:51:20.600 But ultimately, when we start coming into this place where we're actually in pursuit, 529 00:51:20.600 --> 00:51:25.600 we leave behind this dysfunctional mindset of just trying to survive in our marriage. 530 00:51:25.600 --> 00:51:33.000 We step into a divine dynamic of what God really has for us, the real divine design for our relationships and our marriages. 531 00:51:33.000 --> 00:51:39.800 It looks like the Fellowship of the Trinity where it is off the charts, extreme levels of delight. 532 00:51:39.800 --> 00:51:52.200 It's this perpetual divine dance. It's the perpetual divine romance happening of each of us receiving divine love perfectly and giving perfect expression to divine love. 533 00:51:52.200 --> 00:51:53.200 Oh, so beautiful. 534 00:51:53.200 --> 00:52:01.600 And that, when you actually start experiencing that intimacy in marriage where you're just really receiving each other's delight in this amazing way, 535 00:52:01.600 --> 00:52:06.200 and it's just this perpetual sense of delight taking place in your relationship. 536 00:52:06.200 --> 00:52:08.800 And that delight, you know, it's extravagant, it's extreme. 537 00:52:08.800 --> 00:52:19.800 And I really want to hammer this point home for a moment because I feel like it's so common that the model for marriage 538 00:52:19.800 --> 00:52:23.800 and the model for what a Christian marriage is, it's like dropped. 539 00:52:23.800 --> 00:52:29.800 The standard has dropped where the divine standard, the divine blueprint for Christian marriage is absolute divine romance. 540 00:52:29.800 --> 00:52:37.800 And I think that divine romance is one of the most powerful ways to reveal and to establish heaven on earth is divine romance. 541 00:52:37.800 --> 00:52:41.800 So through divine romance, oh my gosh, there's so much power in it. 542 00:52:41.800 --> 00:52:51.800 I just want to say that that's God's plan for your marriage is divine romance where it's exhilarating, it's mind-blowing, it's heart-exploding, it's emotionally, 543 00:52:51.800 --> 00:52:56.800 like there's bombs, there's explosions, there's awe, there's wonder, there's bliss, there's ecstasy. 544 00:52:56.800 --> 00:53:00.800 It's like, wow, you're left undone, you're left overwhelmed. 545 00:53:00.800 --> 00:53:07.800 I just really want to hammer that home that the blueprint, the model for our marriages is divine romance. 546 00:53:07.800 --> 00:53:12.800 It's not just survival, but divine radical romance. That's the blueprint. 547 00:53:12.800 --> 00:53:21.800 And as we start stepping into our sonship and start stepping into that place of divine romance, 548 00:53:21.800 --> 00:53:25.800 then meeting needs becomes the desire of our heart. 549 00:53:26.800 --> 00:53:31.800 It loses its sense of obligation and it becomes a total delight. 550 00:53:31.800 --> 00:53:39.800 And this is something that in marriages gets really unhealthy is that when the meeting of healthy needs becomes obligation, 551 00:53:39.800 --> 00:53:44.800 if the meeting of healthy needs in your relationship has become obligation, 552 00:53:44.800 --> 00:53:51.800 it's just time for maybe just reassess what does love really look like. 553 00:53:51.800 --> 00:53:55.800 And probably time to reassess as well the stress levels. 554 00:53:55.800 --> 00:54:04.800 You need to figure out where all the stress is coming that's causing love and delight and meeting healthy needs to become an obligation. 555 00:54:04.800 --> 00:54:09.800 So I hope that's been a blessing for you guys. 556 00:54:10.800 --> 00:54:21.800 I know that for us, this process of discovering this content has ultimately revolutionized our marriage. 557 00:54:21.800 --> 00:54:26.800 So let me pray a blessing for you and whether you're single, whether you're married, 558 00:54:26.800 --> 00:54:30.800 these three foundations, the spiritual, emotional and intellectual, 559 00:54:30.800 --> 00:54:36.800 are what's going to set you up for an intimacy in marriage that is better than sex. 560 00:54:36.800 --> 00:54:41.800 Last thing I want to say is that sex can be cheap. 561 00:54:41.800 --> 00:54:48.800 You can acquire sex or get sex. It's totally cheap, but intimacy is priceless. 562 00:54:48.800 --> 00:54:58.800 This intimacy, the intimacy shared and the intimacy experienced in divine romance is absolutely completely priceless. 563 00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.680 It's worth fighting for, it's worth pressing through whatever your struggles are, it's 564 00:55:05.680 --> 00:55:12.040 worth going and getting some counseling, it's worth going, you know, whatever it takes for 565 00:55:12.040 --> 00:55:19.040 you to pursue and acquire this dynamic of divine romance and reincorporate that into 566 00:55:19.040 --> 00:55:20.040 your marriage. 567 00:55:20.040 --> 00:55:26.440 It is worth it 100% and if you're single it's worth doing the hard yards right now, it's 568 00:55:26.440 --> 00:55:31.080 worth doing the hard yards of repentance, because every time you repent, right, so this 569 00:55:31.080 --> 00:55:36.400 dynamic of what I went through when I dealt with my secret sin, when I dealt with my secret 570 00:55:36.400 --> 00:55:43.600 sin, boom, I wiped out so much of these things that were causing my love tanks to drain so 571 00:55:43.600 --> 00:55:49.520 that meant that it was just so much easier and so much more organic for me to be a great, 572 00:55:49.520 --> 00:55:53.760 you know, to love really well and the more that we embrace this journey of repentance 573 00:55:53.760 --> 00:56:00.640 and transformation, just love becomes our native language, delight becomes our native 574 00:56:00.640 --> 00:56:07.160 language and our capacity to receive and express love becomes an organic indigenous native 575 00:56:07.160 --> 00:56:08.160 language for us. 576 00:56:08.160 --> 00:56:13.120 So I want to pray for you now, let me know what were some of the things of value for 577 00:56:13.120 --> 00:56:20.600 you in this, let me know as well, like, you know, where are the areas where you're experiencing 578 00:56:20.600 --> 00:56:24.480 the biggest pressure and where you want the biggest breakthrough. 579 00:56:24.480 --> 00:56:32.560 Massive love to all of you guys, see a couple of comments coming through and going to just 580 00:56:32.560 --> 00:56:35.040 wrap up with a blessing for you. 581 00:56:35.040 --> 00:56:43.880 Trinity, I thank you so much for your model of divine romance, I thank you for getting 582 00:56:43.880 --> 00:56:54.280 inside of each of our minds and reshaping and restructuring the blueprint for what our 583 00:56:54.280 --> 00:56:59.120 marriages are supposed to look like, for what our romantic relationships are supposed to 584 00:56:59.120 --> 00:57:03.960 look like and I just thank you for recalibrating those and bringing them into alignment with 585 00:57:03.960 --> 00:57:13.600 absolute extreme ecstatic blissful divine romance and I ask right now Jesus that there 586 00:57:13.600 --> 00:57:17.040 would be grace and there would be wisdom and there would be anointing and there would 587 00:57:17.040 --> 00:57:21.160 be divine appointments and there would be breakthrough released over marriages right 588 00:57:21.160 --> 00:57:26.600 now and over singles, Papa, those that are in that process of right now setting themselves 589 00:57:26.600 --> 00:57:30.880 up, they're in that process of transformation, they're in that process of repentance, they're 590 00:57:30.880 --> 00:57:35.360 in that process of dealing with secret sins and allowing you to go deep in their hearts, 591 00:57:35.360 --> 00:57:40.040 Jesus I just ask right now you release grace upon grace on those lives, that you release 592 00:57:40.080 --> 00:57:44.760 freedom on those lives, you release breakthrough on those lives and Papa for those that are 593 00:57:44.760 --> 00:57:50.600 married already, I just ask that divine romance would come like a flood, that intimacy that 594 00:57:50.600 --> 00:57:58.840 has, it's just priceless, that intimacy that is beyond words, that intimacy that has, Lord, 595 00:57:58.840 --> 00:58:06.920 that has just, that intimacy that is just beyond anything else, it's more priceless 596 00:58:06.920 --> 00:58:11.400 than anything we know in this world, I ask that that type of intimacy, that type of divine 597 00:58:11.400 --> 00:58:16.360 romance and bliss and ecstasy begin to flood marriages in Jesus' name, Papa, I thank you 598 00:58:16.360 --> 00:58:20.320 for your grace on these people, I thank you for your love with them, I thank you for fresh 599 00:58:20.320 --> 00:58:25.640 supernatural outbreaks of your love right now, your overwhelming love just to fill people's 600 00:58:25.640 --> 00:58:31.760 hearts and lives and marriages and minds right now, in Jesus' name, Amen, sweet guys, we'll 601 00:58:31.760 --> 00:58:38.000 bless you, I'm gonna sign off, have an amazing week and look forward to great things happening 602 00:58:38.000 --> 00:58:43.080 in all your marriages and in all your romantic relationships to come if you are single, see ya!