Well, hello, hello, hello.
How we doing?
Welcome to day six of lockdown, if you're in New Zealand.
If you're not in New Zealand, I hope you are free and roaming about, enjoying life.
I'm certainly still enjoying life as well.
But hey, I just wanted to share a little story, just another little hack, another little tip.
It's from earlier today, something that happened with our son, Jackson, who's four.
And I think it might be helpful.
It's just something, it's a little win, another little win story that might help you.
So anyway, earlier today, Jackson had taken himself to the bathroom and so after he came
out of the bathroom, to spare you the details, he needed to wash his hands.
And he didn't want to wash his hands, but him not washing his hands wasn't an option.
So he was feeling a little bit, you know, controlled because we were saying, hey, but
we need you to wash your hands.
And so, you know, he was becoming a bit dysregulated.
He went and hid himself behind a couch, wouldn't come out.
So we had to lift him out from behind the couch and he's feeling very angry.
The reason for that is because a person has a very deep core need for autonomy, free will.
So when you start to try and take that from a person, especially a toddler who hasn't
developed the upper rational part of their brain yet, that's really difficult for them.
It's like taking oxygen from someone because we all have a core need for free will and
self-governance, self-control and so we needed him to wash his hands.
So we kind of tried the authoritarian, firm tone, alright buddy, come on, we need this
to happen and that seemed to only be escalating the situation.
So what do you do?
Do you force?
You can't force him to wash his hands.
That's only going to escalate the problem further.
So we tried a couple of other strategies that we learned and those strategies weren't working
either and so finally, my wife tried another little tip that we learned recently that worked
really well, which was, she said, hey Jackson, if you go wash your hands, I'm going to have
to do something really silly.
And Jackson, from being really angry and dysregulated, what are you going to do?
And Anna said, well you're going to have to find out.
You'll find out once you wash your hands and he just jumped up and he ran into the bathroom
and he washed his hands, very happy, he was smiling and even laughing and he ran back
into the room and he said, I've washed my hands now and Anna said, what are you going
to make me do?
And so he said, I want you to chase me like a chicken.
And so Anna, of course, was true to her word, like a champ, chased him around the house
like a chicken.
I hope she's okay with me sharing this information, I should have asked, but anyway, and so we
turned, you know, very quickly we turned a dysregulated, very angry and anxious little
boy into a happy boy with clean hands.
And the reason, I think the reason this works is because, you know, it's that core need
that all people, all humans, but especially kids have for autonomy and free will, which
is why God gave us free will.
And so when we try and take that or force a situation as parents, it often will just
backfire and become a power struggle because we're actually taking something that they
deeply need as humans.
So for them to say, yes, it's very violating to them.
But the other thing to remember is that they actually really want to do what you want them
to do.
They actually want to please you as kids because they love you and they're good inside.
So they really want to do the right thing, but they need a way to do it.
that's not violating to them. So when you make it fun or playful then all of a
sudden they can go ah I can do this now without feeling violated inside. And then
the other thing it does when you say you're gonna have to what are you gonna
tell me to do what silly thing are you gonna make me do it's actually a way of
giving them some control back you're handing them some control back and
saying you can do this thing and you get to we making it fun and we're giving you
bit of control in there so and it works you know it just it's just a way if you
have toddlers try it out and you'll be I think you'll be pleasantly surprised to
see how how much of a charm it is so hope this helps hope you if you're here
in New Zealand are enjoying some quality time with the fam and lockdown you know
I didn't choose the lockdown life the lockdown life chose me but let's make
the best of it and anyway love you guys again it's an honor and a blessing to
do life with you and to run after the things have got together so bless you
and we'll catch you next time thanks