What I'm talking about is the pressure from our peer groups, whether it be our child's peer group
or our own personal friend's peer group, and letting their kids go do something.
If it is not something that you want your child exposed to, it is okay for you to say no,
and it is okay for you to be the bad guy. It is just okay because one day,
those children will have children, and they will understand why you said no.
So
Hi guys, and welcome to another episode of Truth Talk with Wendy.
I am so excited today to talk to you about something that is very near and dear to my heart,
and that is being a parent, being a mom. You might be a dad watching, you qualify,
we're talking about one of the hardest jobs in the whole wide world, but also one of the
most rewarding. Parenting in 2021 is not for the faint of heart though. There is so much going on
in our world. I wonder sometimes if I had an opportunity to go back and knew what my kids
would be growing up in, if I would have wanted to bring them into this craziness. You know,
you wonder how in the world they're going to get through it, but we know from scripture
that God numbers our days. He knows our birth date. He knows our death date, and so every single
child that we have, God put them in this world at this time for a specific purpose. So I rest in
that because there are so many hard things when you're parenting, and so many of us have a deep
desire for our children to love us and like us, and unfortunately that is not always
a thing that we can accomplish, nor is it optimal for them. Loving us is obviously something that
if we teach them about true love, which comes from God, then they can love us even when they
don't like us, just like when the roles are reversed. You know, there's a lot of times when I
love my kids, but I'm like, I need you to remove yourself from my presence right now. Okay, they're
just like, I don't want to be around them because they're being rebellious, disrespectful, you know,
pick a word. So what I want to talk about today is how important it is in every single stage of
their life to be their parent until such a time when that is no longer required, and unfortunately
so many of us give up on that timeline too early, and I just want to talk about that for a little
bit. Let's talk about when they're little. I have two littles still. When I say littles, I'm talking
eight and ten, like they are little, and our goal when they are little seems to be just to protect
them at all costs. We would never, you know, just send them out into the street to play with a ball.
We would never just send them, you know, with strangers. There's so many things that you think
about, but then when you really start also breaking down what does that mean, protect them at all
costs, like what if it really did cost you something? For instance, in my own personal life, I had two
father figures that molested me. Well, one of them, my stepfather, I did not realize to the degree
that his sickness actually was until I had already allowed him to form a relationship
with my children, and the reason is because what happened with him was so much less than what had
happened before, and when I confronted him, actually when my mom confronted him, it stopped
immediately. Well, other information came out many, many, many years later that brought grave
concern to me, and not only that, but the Lord gave me a dream that, and I cannot normally even
remember what I dreamed, so for me to remember this dream so vividly, and it actually even had a
date in it of the upcoming Sunday, this was like on a Friday night, and it was so frightening that
I immediately took action, and I had to remove him from their life because that was the warning dream
that the Lord gave to me. Well, that cost me quite a bit.
What it cost me more than anything was a relationship with my mom because that
was not something that she wanted to hear and that was very painful for her
to hear after years of having a relationship with my kids. My exact
words to her were, you can have a relationship with them but he is no
longer welcome to be around them whether at your home or ours and that
was hard for her. It was very difficult for me as well because my boys didn't
understand it and my mom was very upset with me but here's what I told not just
her but myself to allow myself the freedom to make this choice and have no
regrets about it. I asked myself what if one day in the future fast-forward five
years ten years whatever it would have been at that time what if one of my
boys came to me with tears in his eyes trying to drum up the courage to tell me
that that man did something to them scared to death that I wouldn't believe
him or that I would be mad at them or whatever their fear would be whatever
every child's fear is in finally telling someone what if that would have been
something that I would have had to deal with and then I would have said to them
ever so tenderly well sweetheart I totally believe you he did the same
thing to me and they would have looked at me with those same teary eyes and
said to me then mommy why did you ever let him be around us I couldn't come up
with a good answer for that question I just I couldn't and no one that I have
spoken to or presented that question to has come up with a good answer either so
I knew right then and there that was the bottom line it was not worth the risk
that my kids might get hurt now he may have never done anything I have no idea
but I wasn't willing to risk their well-being their mental health their
relationship with the Lord their relationships period for the rest of
their lives because we have all talked about the effects of childhood sexual
abuse and what comes with that as my husband calls it the gift that keeps on
giving it's something that one time can completely change a child's life so are
we really willing to protect them at any and all cost what are you not willing to
do what relationship are you not willing to give up to protect your child that's
something that every single parent needs to think long and hard about because if
you put them in a situation that you had foreknowledge about knowing that that is
a potentially dangerous situation then that is your responsibility and you will
answer to the Lord for that because that child doesn't have a choice that is
something that I personally I couldn't live with let's move on into adolescence
saying no this is not a word that any child ever wants to hear it's not a word
I want to hear but it is a necessary part of parenting if I had a dollar for
every time I heard from one of my children but so-and-so's mom's letting
them do it or so-and-so's friends got to do it I would have all the money to
feed the entire African population I am telling you I got so tired of hearing
that so much so that I went to the age old saying that my mom used to say if
all the people jumped off the Empire State Building would you go to you know
it's like okay I totally understand that now but just because everyone else is
doing it doesn't make it right let me give you an example there are so many
movies that are being you know attended at the theater or even watched at home
by kids that even the world's system of rating a movie might say might say PG 13
and these kids are 8 or 10 or you know 11 or whatever whatever the age is even
the world says that they should probably be 13 or older before they
watch it and parents aren't even paying attention or they're taking them with
them to the movies whatever whatever it is there are other movies that are rated
R that these kids are getting into somehow I don't really even know now let
me say there are caveats to this rule for instance the movie The Passion of
the Christ okay that is a rated R movie I think I mean the violence of that is
so horrendous
is so, I can barely watch it myself,
not just because of that,
but because of what I am reminded of,
that it cost the Lord because of my sin.
It is so difficult to watch.
But is that something I want to restrict my kids?
No, not me personally.
It might be your decision,
and that's something that you have to decide as a parent.
What I'm talking about is the pressure from our peer groups,
whether it be our child's peer group
or our own personal friend's peer group
and letting their kids go do something.
If it is not something
that you want your child exposed to,
it is okay for you to say no,
and it is okay for you to be the bad guy.
It is just okay,
because one day those children will have children
and they will understand why you said no.
And another thing is sleepover, okay?
I have friends who I think their kids
stay at their friend's house,
or all the other friends,
more than they stay at their own house.
Their parents just don't,
they don't have a problem with them sleeping over.
That is not something I've ever felt comfortable with.
There's not enough days left in my life
where I'm gonna be changed and convinced
that is an okay thing to do.
My house, growing up as a pastor's daughter,
should have been the most safe house
of anybody that anyone knew.
And it's where I was hurt the most.
There is no way that I am going to send my child
to spend the night somewhere,
especially in those earlier years
and those very formative teenage years,
when they are so impressionable
and they are so drawn to fit in
that they can be manipulated very easily.
It's just, it's not worth.
So we just have a rule in our house.
There are no sleepovers.
You can have people come here,
you know, your friends can come here,
but you will not go to anyone else's house for a sleepover.
It's just the rule.
They don't understand it, it's okay.
They can be mad at me.
They don't have to like me.
Again, I'm going for the fact that I know they love me
and they will understand this one day.
Okay, now let's talk about,
let's move on to their later teenage and college years.
This is a stage where I am just entering.
I have one that's been in college.
He's in his third year of college
and I have one that I literally just dropped off
this weekend.
I'm still in recovery from that whole experience.
I don't think I've cried that hard
since I dropped the last one off
and thought this one might be easier
and it just was not.
But what I am finding is that,
especially with the first one that left,
you know, they're, I mean, that is like grieving.
You know, that child was, you know,
we homeschooled for eight years.
That child was with me so much
and then he's just not here anymore.
And then now the other one has gone too.
And I have a tendency to, you know,
when I've talked to them,
I want it to be a good conversation.
I don't want them to not want to call me back.
I don't, you know, I'm trying, you know,
that's like a temptation, okay?
But there are so many things
that they are being bombarded with
in their little world
and trying to figure out who they are
aside from mom and dad,
aside from the safety of where they grew up,
if they went off to college.
And it's something that we can't afford
to drop the ball at this point.
This is where a lot of people get in trouble.
They make some really dumb decisions
that then shape their life as an adult forever.
And so we have got to continue checking in.
We have got to continue holding them accountable.
Like for instance,
one of the videos I just saw recently,
some guy named Little Dicky,
I have no idea who this person is.
He did a live performance of himself on a cross,
like he's Jesus.
And then started, you know,
then he pulled himself off the cross
and started rapping and spewing all of this.
I literally could not even watch it.
It was so, so gross and so disgusting.
And Kevin Hart, the actor,
actually posted this on his Instagram who,
I can barely find Instagram,
but I heard that he had done this
in this video that I watched.
And it was so blasphemous
that I literally could not even finish the video.
It was so bad.
So I texted my boys and I said,
Hey! Do either one of you guys know this artist Little Dicky? And of course, they
do. So, now I am going to have to... I need to research some more. I literally found
this out. I need to research some more. I need to find out some more about this
guy and I need to educate my children because here's what happens. These
artists find this cool you know beat and you have time can even understand the
words and although unfortunately now you can just hit a little button if
you're in Apple Music or whatever and it tells you all the lyrics look like
regardless if they're cuss words or what it's saying and the lyrics are right
there in front of you so our kids are memorizing this stuff and it's going
into their mind and then we are just not saying anything or we are you know too
old we don't listen to that kind of music or whatever and we are just
uninformed. That is dangerous. That is very dangerous. We have got to stay up
with what are the influences that my kids are taking in. I'm pretty sure that
by now unless you live under a rock or you just don't want to watch anything
news related you have probably heard of the Little Nas X. I think it's his name.
I just call him Little Nasty because he's just disgusting that he did. He's the one
that came out with Satan Shoes that Nike then you know said we had nothing to do
with this and all this and it had like the real blood in the soul and you know
you might have heard of that but he also at the same time came out with a song
and the video was literally of him descending into hell on a stripper pole
and simulating a sex scene with the devil like Satan like the horns like you
know what people think of when they think of the devil okay and this kid
this rapper had like song of the year or something last year and I heard my kids
singing I didn't I didn't know it was that same person so I have a friend
who's much more up on these things and I'm like you know who is this guy and
she told me you know he's the one that came out with this other song I was like
oh you've got to be kidding. Thankfully I was able to talk to my son about it my
oldest son and I said you know what what are your friends saying about this
guy and he he said well they're saying that we're not listening to him anymore
I mean he was disgusted by it so I was very thankful at that reaction but at
least he knows that I am concerned enough about him to check in and ask you
know we want to be known we want to be seen and if we just leave our kids out
there to try to figure it out on their own I know for me in this age of
information and I think I said before like by three o'clock I'm exhausted
there's so much information that my brain has absorbed imagine what these
kids are going through and they don't even have the capacity to even process
everything that they're seeing you know their brains are still developing and it
is so sad to me that that is what they're having to deal with it is just
it's it's it's a tragedy but it is not the time to take off your parenting hat
and put on your friend cap it is still our role to pour into them until it's no
longer time and the other thing that you have to really be careful about is like
those examples I just gave you those are clearly you know worldly artists those
aren't you know Christian artists that are you know like doing this in the dark
but there are definitely Christian artists who have recently left the faith
like celebrated leaving the faith like you know made a big announcement no
longer believe in God and that is to me even more dangerous because these are
groups or or artists that you know your kids have been allowed to listen to so
those are also some things that as parents we just need to be diligent and
we need to look into you know what what were some of those older songs you know
was there anything in there you know I for one don't listen to I have playlists
that you know I've heard some of the same songs you have like three or four
years and then I'll add one new song to it and I'm very repetitive just because
I like that but but on these like Spotify and things like that they have
these playlists that they just come up and so they hear these songs and they
have a good beat or they they sound good whatever and we just need to really
engage and make sure that our kids are getting truth they have got to have
truth or else they're gonna believe it even a little bit of twist makes that a
lie and you know that Lucifer in heaven was the worship leader right so he is
It's all about being up in the worship music and all about music.
You know, music is very addictive. If you hear a song from like,
from your past, if you hear something,
you immediately can think of where you were when that song was popular.
You're like, I was a singer in high school or I was dating that guy or whatever.
You know, that's the song that, you know, was my first dance at my wedding.
Music is powerful.
And so we just want to really make sure that we are on top of what is going
into our kids' minds over and over and over again. You know,
when I was homeschooling,
one of the ways that we got our kids to learn stuff and to memorize is
everything was a song. I mean, we made a song out of the timeline.
Can I tell you like from, you know,
when Noah came off the ark to at that time, like President Obama, like we,
we had a song and tunes and stuff for the entire thing.
And they knew all of history because they could sing it.
So we have to really make sure that what it is that is, you know,
going around and around and around in their brain, that it is actual truth.
I just want to leave you with a couple of scriptures that the Bible tells us is
so important as we are raising our kids and in every stage.
A really easy one is Proverbs 22, 6.
We've all heard this train up a child in the way he should go.
And even when he is old, he will not depart from it.
This is something for me that I really,
really rest in because my kids are going to have moments that,
you know, that they stray. We all do. You know, some of us, you know,
like went way off the deep end and God rescued us and brought us back.
There is a promise in God's word that his word does not return void.
If we are pouring in God's word and his truth into our kids,
when they are old, they will not depart from it.
And I truly believe even if they stray,
that God will bring them back because that is a promise for us.
Another one is Ephesians 6, 4b,
bring them up with discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.
Okay. Those two words are actionable. Okay.
Discipline, not something any of us like to do. And if you do,
that's another problem because, um,
that we should never like to discipline our children.
We have to discipline them because that's something God calls us to do. Um,
but it should never be something we enjoy, but instructing them,
we have to instruct them. That is a, that is an action word. Okay.
That means that you are constantly helping them, instructing them,
teaching them, guiding them. And that comes from the Lord.
So those are doing things God's way.
So I just want to help you to see,
even when it is not something that is popular or when it's not something that
or it goes against the grain, even when it goes against the grain,
you have got to still stand firm.
Another thing is I want to read this and I love this part because this is where
it starts with us. And then we pass that down to our children.
Deuteronomy six verses five through nine say,
and you must love the Lord your God with all your heart,
all your soul and all your strength.
And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly.
So that starts with us to these commands that I am giving you today.
Then he tells us, repeat them again and again to your children.
Talk about them when you're at home and when you're on the road,
when you're going to bed and when you're getting up,
tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders.
And then finally write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
Now that is a lot of action words too. We got to repeat them to our kids,
talk about them pretty much everywhere we go,
wear them on our forehead as reminders.
I choose to wear mine on my shirt,
amazing grace and write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates,
which is basically, you know, just have this stuff around your house.
Like let people know when they come to your house,
who is the ruler of your house.
And that way your kids also know that in this house we serve the Lord.
So one thing that you can't do if you do not have a relationship with the Lord
is teach your kids about him.
So the first and foremost thing that must be done is if you are not walking with
the Lord yourself,
then it's very,
very difficult for you to be able to do these things that I'm talking about.
So I'm going to invite you today.
If you don't already have a relationship with God,
if you don't know Jesus as your personal savior,
we're going to put our email in the show notes.
I would invite you to reach out to us.
We would love to talk to you about Jesus and everything that he can do for you
in your life.
life and just the change that He makes, not just in your behavior, but in your desires.
He gets inside your heart and He lines up our desires with His desires.
It is an amazing transformation.
But if you don't reach out to us, find somebody that is a Christian.
Find somebody that you know walks with the Lord and just ask them if you can talk to
them.
People who know Jesus want to share Him with others.
So I just invite you today to start your relationship with Jesus very soon so that
you can then share Him, not just with others, but specifically with your children as well.
So thank you guys so much for joining us today and we invite you to come back next week for
another episode of Truth Talk with Wendy.