WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:29.960
Hey, Renata, can you hear me?

2
00:00:30.920 --> 00:00:32.159
There you are.

3
00:00:32.720 --> 00:00:33.720
Hello.

4
00:00:34.280 --> 00:00:35.160
Hi, let me see.

5
00:00:35.160 --> 00:00:36.760
That's a very bad light.

6
00:00:36.800 --> 00:00:37.400
Let me see.

7
00:00:39.960 --> 00:00:42.400
Is this better or the light is really bad.

8
00:00:43.200 --> 00:00:44.040
No, that's all right.

9
00:00:44.040 --> 00:00:46.200
It's probably just a desk lamp or something, right?

10
00:00:46.280 --> 00:00:49.080
That's kind of usual for desk lamps.

11
00:00:50.440 --> 00:00:53.640
It's, uh, yeah.

12
00:00:54.920 --> 00:00:55.840
Yeah, you're great.

13
00:00:57.640 --> 00:00:59.200
It's a little fuzzy.

14
00:00:59.240 --> 00:01:02.960
And so I don't know if that's the light or if it's just, I

15
00:01:02.960 --> 00:01:04.400
don't know the quality of my video.

16
00:01:05.160 --> 00:01:08.560
No, I think, should I try with my iPad?

17
00:01:08.960 --> 00:01:09.880
This is bad.

18
00:01:12.400 --> 00:01:13.600
Whatever you'd like to do.

19
00:01:30.200 --> 00:01:31.680
That I never used before.

20
00:01:32.040 --> 00:01:33.040
It's very, yeah.

21
00:01:33.160 --> 00:01:39.120
Oh, it might be the computer or I mean, meaning like the software.

22
00:01:40.480 --> 00:01:47.480
I think it's, uh, uh, it's, it's very, it's good because it's big, but it's not very,

23
00:01:48.160 --> 00:01:50.160
I don't think the camera is that great.

24
00:01:50.640 --> 00:01:51.240
Let me see.

25
00:01:53.800 --> 00:01:54.440
That's fine.

26
00:01:54.440 --> 00:01:55.560
Whatever works for you.

27
00:01:55.560 --> 00:01:56.160
I'm fine.

28
00:01:56.640 --> 00:01:58.800
Let's see if this works better.

29
00:01:58.800 --> 00:02:00.640
I'll try it and then see.

30
00:02:29.760 --> 00:02:30.120
Okay.

31
00:02:30.640 --> 00:02:32.080
Let me try and see if it's working.

32
00:02:39.440 --> 00:02:39.680
Okay.

33
00:02:48.040 --> 00:02:48.240
Okay.

34
00:02:56.400 --> 00:02:58.400
Um,

35
00:02:58.800 --> 00:03:03.800
No, it's no, it's no, it's no, it's no.

36
00:03:07.600 --> 00:03:08.120
It's better.

37
00:03:10.320 --> 00:03:11.560
Yeah, I think it's good.

38
00:03:11.960 --> 00:03:14.000
Um, yeah.

39
00:03:14.040 --> 00:03:14.240
Yeah.

40
00:03:14.240 --> 00:03:14.880
There you go.

41
00:03:15.080 --> 00:03:15.480
Yeah.

42
00:03:15.640 --> 00:03:16.200
I think it was great.

43
00:03:16.840 --> 00:03:17.080
Yeah.

44
00:03:17.080 --> 00:03:19.360
And the camera's like following you around and everything.

45
00:03:19.360 --> 00:03:21.440
So it's like a better, better,

46
00:03:22.480 --> 00:03:23.400
new iPad.

47
00:03:23.720 --> 00:03:24.760
So it's, um,

48
00:03:25.360 --> 00:03:26.080
congratulations.

49
00:03:26.200 --> 00:03:26.600
How fun.

50
00:03:27.600 --> 00:03:30.320
So it's a much better camera.

51
00:03:30.800 --> 00:03:31.000
Yeah.

52
00:03:31.560 --> 00:03:31.920
Yeah.

53
00:03:32.960 --> 00:03:34.360
Well, it's good to see you.

54
00:03:34.360 --> 00:03:37.680
Did you have a good, um, holiday, like Christmas and New Year's?

55
00:03:38.640 --> 00:03:43.760
I had a really, really good, um, holiday.

56
00:03:43.840 --> 00:03:50.480
Um, there was, like I told you there, I was feeling like I was starting to create

57
00:03:50.480 --> 00:03:59.880
with God and had a mini concert and, uh, yeah, that was like amazing.

58
00:04:00.480 --> 00:04:05.600
And just, uh, I talked to a guy that was like, Oh, maybe I have an opportunity

59
00:04:05.600 --> 00:04:07.240
for you that you can sing more.

60
00:04:08.120 --> 00:04:14.680
And, um, I feel like I was stepping out and it was kind of hard, but it was also

61
00:04:14.920 --> 00:04:19.000
very, it was like taking leaps of faith.

62
00:04:19.120 --> 00:04:25.640
And, um, also I was blogging more on Facebook, like writing things and, uh,

63
00:04:25.680 --> 00:04:30.480
getting, yeah, just like, not just that I got feedback, I did get some feedback

64
00:04:30.480 --> 00:04:36.120
and people talking to me, but it was more just the feeling that I'm expressing

65
00:04:36.120 --> 00:04:41.240
myself through writing and this is my heart and this is something that I care

66
00:04:41.280 --> 00:04:44.760
about and that I actually dare to say something.

67
00:04:45.400 --> 00:04:49.040
In Norway, it's very politically incorrect to talk about Israel.

68
00:04:49.240 --> 00:04:51.080
It's different than the United States.

69
00:04:51.960 --> 00:04:55.520
So you kind of have to be pretty brave to talk about Israel.

70
00:04:56.280 --> 00:04:58.480
And it's a country that's there to my heart.

71
00:04:58.600 --> 00:04:59.920
And I just really wanted to.

72
00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:07.600
share my heart about it and um I felt like by doing something doing that that I was being

73
00:05:07.600 --> 00:05:20.480
more brave than I have been with my writing for a while. So that was um so it was a lot of good

74
00:05:20.480 --> 00:05:25.840
things happening and also at home things with my family and then being home for Christmas

75
00:05:26.800 --> 00:05:35.600
um sending my sister and her family off to Hawaii. Oh wow. Uh going to Hawaii for three months uh

76
00:05:35.600 --> 00:05:42.480
with a youth with a mission if you heard about that. Okay. So um yeah so

77
00:05:45.200 --> 00:05:50.640
yeah they were I'm trying to think if you've heard so long ago. Yeah. Yeah there were good

78
00:05:50.640 --> 00:05:59.600
things happening in the relationship. Yeah. Good. Good so um how how um like I don't know really

79
00:05:59.600 --> 00:06:04.000
how to start but just let me know what's on your heart. I'm really sorry to hear that something

80
00:06:04.000 --> 00:06:15.760
terrible has happened. Yeah um and then um it's just my my roommate's coming in. Oh yeah a little

81
00:06:15.760 --> 00:06:20.720
roommate. Yeah she's going to bed. Oh okay.

82
00:06:33.200 --> 00:06:36.080
And then on a new year's eve uh

83
00:06:36.400 --> 00:06:45.440
um my roommate and I um went to a party and we had a lot of fun with some friends and

84
00:06:49.200 --> 00:06:58.960
then 2 30 in the morning we were walking back home and uh long story short uh a guy

85
00:06:59.920 --> 00:07:05.680
followed us that we didn't see no or that we I hadn't noticed him and he

86
00:07:07.840 --> 00:07:15.920
and I didn't have any warning and he was suddenly physically on me half his side on me

87
00:07:16.960 --> 00:07:27.680
and I was staring into a craze a face of a crazy person and then he exposed himself in like um

88
00:07:29.280 --> 00:07:37.920
sexually uh and this kind of mix of kind of really really crazy things in his face

89
00:07:39.600 --> 00:07:48.640
and I don't know uh exposed himself like literally physically his body on me and

90
00:07:48.880 --> 00:08:01.600
um I screamed and jumped and froze and uh my friend reacted with anger and fighting

91
00:08:01.600 --> 00:08:10.000
so she started to fight him and running after him and she called told me to call the police

92
00:08:11.120 --> 00:08:17.280
and um I tried to stop some people and they probably thought I was crazy so they didn't

93
00:08:17.280 --> 00:08:26.160
even bother I called the police had a long like lots of confusion and misunderstanding on the phone

94
00:08:26.880 --> 00:08:35.600
and then my friend is screaming and I am extremely scared that he is raping her

95
00:08:36.080 --> 00:08:47.840
and um in like a back alley in the city where we live and um I start screaming and yelling for help

96
00:08:47.840 --> 00:08:52.720
it's 2 30 in the morning and there comes men out of the house I don't know they were sleeping or

97
00:08:52.720 --> 00:09:01.600
celebrating new year's and then um and then they

98
00:09:02.080 --> 00:09:14.160
um run after him and he lets go of my friend and after he has he hasn't raped her but he

99
00:09:14.160 --> 00:09:18.720
assaulted her in the same way that he did with me and also held her face and held her so she

100
00:09:18.720 --> 00:09:26.800
couldn't get loose and um and I'm also freezing because I feel guilty like I can't do anything

101
00:09:26.800 --> 00:09:31.840
but part of me is like you should run after and help her but I can't because I'm freezing

102
00:09:32.400 --> 00:09:38.320
and also because I'm so scared so they run after him and they can't get him and the police come

103
00:09:38.320 --> 00:09:46.720
and several police cars and it becomes a huge deal uh they get dogs to chase him and um

104
00:09:46.720 --> 00:09:55.200
yeah and finally they catch him and then we go through like kind of identifying him and then we

105
00:09:55.200 --> 00:10:00.320
go through after like um when you have to talk everything they

106
00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:04.280
record everything and you tell everything that happened and then they all ask if we

107
00:10:04.280 --> 00:10:14.400
want to prosecute him and we say yes that we're going to prosecute him and

108
00:10:14.400 --> 00:10:20.040
and then it's like a two hour deal it goes on for two hours and people come and watch

109
00:10:20.040 --> 00:10:29.640
and then the police drive us home yeah so and I think I was in shock for like a week

110
00:10:30.360 --> 00:10:38.520
yeah this is I don't know it just the sexual part of it and the shock of it and that he was

111
00:10:38.520 --> 00:10:45.000
physically on me yeah and that I didn't have any time to prepare and just a lot of shame and guilt

112
00:10:45.000 --> 00:10:55.720
that I didn't help my friend just lots of things I just felt like I was so I've been or I feel like

113
00:10:55.720 --> 00:11:04.520
I'm so invaded and I struggled to sleep and I would just see his face and his correct I couldn't

114
00:11:04.520 --> 00:11:12.200
get any like the picture of him off out of my mind yeah so then I've been in contact with the police

115
00:11:12.200 --> 00:11:23.160
and also a center for I don't guess victims of sexual like anything from rape to assault or

116
00:11:23.160 --> 00:11:34.440
harassment or like yeah and that's so and then like the amazing thing through it is that I have

117
00:11:34.440 --> 00:11:45.320
felt God be so close to me I felt like I haven't been mad at him I haven't been really like are you

118
00:11:46.360 --> 00:11:51.960
why did this happen and why what happened and what you know I haven't been questioning him a lot

119
00:11:52.600 --> 00:12:00.440
barely anything and I felt his presence and his love and that he was there like he protected me

120
00:12:00.520 --> 00:12:09.400
and I felt like kind of like I don't know somehow peace though I've been rattled and in shock and

121
00:12:09.400 --> 00:12:17.400
everything and also kind of just him leading me and me and how to yeah but it's but it's still

122
00:12:17.400 --> 00:12:25.880
like I barely have been able to go to work and then I at work and it was in the newspaper

123
00:12:26.840 --> 00:12:34.280
what happened and yeah the story of what happened and we got loose and blah blah blah and he was

124
00:12:34.280 --> 00:12:43.560
prostituted so so after that it's been I don't know trying telling a few people but then

125
00:12:45.080 --> 00:12:49.400
so what happened afterwards this this was new year's eve so it's 11 days ago

126
00:12:49.880 --> 00:13:01.960
is that I've been just trying to do little normal things just normal things and and

127
00:13:03.240 --> 00:13:07.320
trying to accept that I feel all these kind of feelings and not condemn myself and

128
00:13:09.080 --> 00:13:15.240
and I told to I thought I'm not going to be able to go to work

129
00:13:15.480 --> 00:13:21.240
and people were telling me maybe you should take a few days off but then I just wanted normalcy

130
00:13:21.240 --> 00:13:27.880
not just things to be normal so I decided to tell a couple of people at work and that's the kind

131
00:13:27.880 --> 00:13:33.240
the people that I work the closest with and that I care the most about and work with the most but

132
00:13:33.240 --> 00:13:40.760
they're also the people that I have struggled with quite a bit since I started working with like

133
00:13:41.320 --> 00:13:45.720
and I've been working with you a bit about walking in rest and because I and I but the

134
00:13:45.720 --> 00:13:55.240
thing is that they they one of them is supposed to be my in part of the week she's part of me to

135
00:13:55.240 --> 00:14:02.360
be my second teacher that's like she's supposed to be with me the whole time and basically do

136
00:14:02.360 --> 00:14:06.920
what I tell her to do like I'm the English teacher and then she's my teacher's assistant

137
00:14:06.920 --> 00:14:13.320
yes and but she for various reasons she always has good reasons doesn't come

138
00:14:14.360 --> 00:14:20.040
and she doesn't show up or she leaves or she says like I need to do this and this and it's

139
00:14:20.040 --> 00:14:26.760
more important than being in your class and for a while I just accepted them and then I

140
00:14:27.400 --> 00:14:33.800
talked to her about it and then she said she was going to change and then it happened again

141
00:14:33.800 --> 00:14:38.120
the next week and I talked to her again and then she said well it's just the way it is to be a

142
00:14:38.120 --> 00:14:44.280
teacher to survive you just have to do these things and then I just accepted it and then

143
00:14:44.280 --> 00:14:52.680
after Christmas you know this fall I told her again that I'm sorry I would love to give you

144
00:14:52.680 --> 00:14:57.800
more leeway but I actually need you in the class there's such needs and I also need it

145
00:14:57.800 --> 00:15:00.040
personally as a teacher yeah

146
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:06.000
and then she said she understands it's okay and that just took a week and she stopped follow-up

147
00:15:06.960 --> 00:15:13.840
so then I think and it's been going on ever since and I think that's when I talked to you and I said

148
00:15:13.840 --> 00:15:20.560
I think now I approached her three times about it and now I just want I think I'm just gonna

149
00:15:20.560 --> 00:15:25.200
and what came up is like because I sometimes can be pretty good at addressing things hopefully in

150
00:15:25.200 --> 00:15:33.200
a good way but I was like maybe but this rattles me and stresses me out so much and I am actually

151
00:15:33.200 --> 00:15:39.120
able to be in rest through this whether she comes and go I don't have to be affected I don't have to

152
00:15:39.120 --> 00:15:43.200
of course you're affected but you know what I mean it doesn't have to change who you are

153
00:15:44.080 --> 00:15:50.400
so then I was walking through this with you and also other things that happened in class just

154
00:15:50.400 --> 00:15:57.040
to be okay no matter what she did yeah you know but in this incidence I tell them

155
00:15:58.720 --> 00:16:07.840
because and that I actually definitely need them so what's happened after this come up is that I

156
00:16:07.840 --> 00:16:16.640
felt so much anger towards them and also towards my sister and other friends because they don't

157
00:16:16.640 --> 00:16:22.720
see how serious it is for me and some of them some have expressed that they think it's really

158
00:16:22.720 --> 00:16:31.280
really serious and kind of understand it but some of my closest ones haven't and I've been so mad

159
00:16:31.280 --> 00:16:39.360
but I'm not mad at the guy for some reason like I can't feel anger towards him but this comes up so

160
00:16:39.360 --> 00:16:51.680
much anger and loneliness and and hurt from people and that I've told that they haven't

161
00:16:51.680 --> 00:16:57.680
been in touch with me or asked how it's going or been able to meet or asked or taking an initiative

162
00:16:58.400 --> 00:17:07.119
and I thought that it's touching something deep and old that has to do with blaming that I see

163
00:17:07.200 --> 00:17:14.000
that I am I think I'm a very generous people usually with people but because I've been in

164
00:17:14.000 --> 00:17:22.640
such need like you know my history of 20 years of sickness I have been in such need that I have had

165
00:17:22.640 --> 00:17:29.280
at times a bit of a victim mentality and also kind of felt angry sometimes when people haven't been

166
00:17:29.280 --> 00:17:35.120
able to help me and that I've known that they in my mind I know that they're trying as well as they

167
00:17:35.120 --> 00:17:41.680
can and that they love me and care for me and blah blah blah but it's something that has come

168
00:17:41.680 --> 00:17:47.120
up every once in a while these 20 years that I'm alone and no one helps me and it it goes back to

169
00:17:47.120 --> 00:17:54.400
the root issue of being abandoned as a baby as a baby so I've been like yes maybe some of them

170
00:17:54.400 --> 00:18:00.880
are not understanding it and doing everything wrong but I also think that I have an issue

171
00:18:00.880 --> 00:18:08.960
with blaming that's coming up now so it's like in one way it's like yes these two teachers are

172
00:18:08.960 --> 00:18:15.600
exploiting me they're not doing their job and they are taking advantage of me being kind and yes

173
00:18:15.600 --> 00:18:20.000
maybe my sister and some of my friends they could have called more or they could have called or they

174
00:18:20.000 --> 00:18:25.440
could have wanted to meet or they could have done things but I know they love me and I know they're

175
00:18:25.440 --> 00:18:35.120
there for me so but then also I have this blame issue that I really really want to get rid of so

176
00:18:35.120 --> 00:18:41.600
with active work I'm like you know that story about your life really touched me and I really

177
00:18:41.600 --> 00:18:49.440
want to live by the spirit and this and not by my soul and so if if but I can't know I don't know

178
00:18:49.440 --> 00:18:55.600
what the spirit is saying I don't know I just know what my soul is hurting so my soul wants to

179
00:18:55.600 --> 00:19:01.840
kind of like tell them this is not okay set boundaries I'm not going to handle this anymore

180
00:19:02.560 --> 00:19:07.360
I'm going to go to the leadership the principal and or I'm going to ask them to set in another

181
00:19:07.360 --> 00:19:13.440
teacher you know because it's too much I can't deal with especially now when I'm so weak and I

182
00:19:13.440 --> 00:19:20.320
barely am able to get to work but another part of me is like well I can be at rest no matter what

183
00:19:20.320 --> 00:19:26.160
even though I this this happened to me and even though I'm so weak and even though they are so

184
00:19:26.160 --> 00:19:32.800
unstable and come and go and say please I can still be at rest so then I'm like you know with

185
00:19:32.800 --> 00:19:42.480
your story you didn't confront him or you know told him what was right or wrong you just let you

186
00:19:42.480 --> 00:19:48.160
just felt in your spirit to be in this situation and to love him and to lift him up and tell what

187
00:19:48.160 --> 00:19:54.880
you saw who he was in God you know even though he wasn't a Christian and these aren't either so I'm

188
00:19:54.880 --> 00:19:59.840
like but that just creates so much anger in me the thought of

189
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:05.920
just letting them accepting it, accepting the way they treat me, because they're kind of getting

190
00:20:05.920 --> 00:20:12.560
used to me being so nice that now they don't even apologize anymore. So correct. So and with my

191
00:20:12.560 --> 00:20:19.760
friends, do I tell them like, please help me like, I am in I am in such need, would you please call

192
00:20:19.760 --> 00:20:26.080
would you please visit? And I it's just and I just feel horrible even just having to ask people so

193
00:20:26.080 --> 00:20:32.320
close to you about that? Or do I just know, this is a blame issue, this is your problem,

194
00:20:32.320 --> 00:20:39.360
you need to deal with this and they love you. Just and if you believe that, then you wouldn't

195
00:20:40.480 --> 00:20:47.840
demand this of this and even I don't know. So I just I don't know how to go through this living

196
00:20:47.840 --> 00:20:51.840
by the spirit when I don't know what the spirit is saying, or like, and here's my soul and my

197
00:20:51.840 --> 00:21:00.480
wounds and pain and anger and hurt and loneliness. And I don't know. I don't know,

198
00:21:00.480 --> 00:21:07.200
like what to do, like, I really want to be free from this blaming things. And then I don't know,

199
00:21:07.200 --> 00:21:15.280
is it blaming or is the issue more, they are not taking initiative, and I get hurt. And it's just

200
00:21:15.280 --> 00:21:20.080
natural. It's just normal, you just get hurt. And maybe it would be better if they took more

201
00:21:20.080 --> 00:21:24.640
initiative. And you're right, it's okay. You know, it's like, and then you get into the right

202
00:21:24.640 --> 00:21:29.360
and wrong, you know, living by judging, and I don't want to go into that either, that judging

203
00:21:29.360 --> 00:21:38.640
them or judging myself, because I'm very good at judging myself. So I'm like, what's going on? I

204
00:21:38.640 --> 00:21:48.080
don't I don't even know what's going on. I don't even know where my soul finds peace. I'm I don't

205
00:21:48.080 --> 00:21:54.640
know how to handle work and relationship and my own issues. And what's my responsibility and what

206
00:21:54.640 --> 00:22:00.240
the spirit spirit is telling me. I just know that I want to be free. And I also know that I want to

207
00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:04.800
get over this. But I also know that if you're touched in such a way, and especially when it's

208
00:22:04.800 --> 00:22:10.800
sexual, it can take a while, maybe I just need to accept it. Oh, it's going to take a few weeks or

209
00:22:10.800 --> 00:22:15.760
a few months, and then you'll be okay. And the people at the crisis center, they kind of said

210
00:22:15.760 --> 00:22:23.440
that that everything you're feeling is normal. I was she was like, I would also feel very, very,

211
00:22:24.240 --> 00:22:29.680
like I would feel harassed if someone did this to me, violated, or violated. Yes, I would be

212
00:22:29.680 --> 00:22:36.160
very, very scared. And it's very normal to have reactions like you are feeling guilt and shame.

213
00:22:36.160 --> 00:22:43.200
What could I have done? Why did I freeze? Why didn't I act like? So she says, it's totally

214
00:22:43.200 --> 00:22:48.320
normal. And you're going to be okay. And it's going to take some time. And I'm going to be there for you.

215
00:22:50.640 --> 00:22:54.800
So then maybe all of this is just normal. And maybe I'm angry at them, because they're safe.

216
00:22:54.800 --> 00:23:00.080
And he's not safe. So I can't be angry at him. Like we kind of are the people we are rude to

217
00:23:00.080 --> 00:23:05.840
are the closest not people that sometimes even are mean to us. It's the closest that people

218
00:23:05.840 --> 00:23:12.000
those because we feel safe. So maybe all this is just normal. And I just need to accept it and not

219
00:23:12.000 --> 00:23:21.440
do anything. Yeah, well, I want to encourage you, you've done an excellent job, phenomenal job.

220
00:23:22.080 --> 00:23:30.000
And so again, as encouragement, you're being too hard on yourself. So in other words, you there's

221
00:23:30.000 --> 00:23:37.920
some things that you're carrying that you can let go of that you can put down. So it's, it is, yes,

222
00:23:37.920 --> 00:23:42.800
we want that relationship with the Lord that the interaction with the Lord where we do everything

223
00:23:42.800 --> 00:23:47.120
from rest. In other words, he's already done everything. So there's nothing left for us to do,

224
00:23:47.120 --> 00:23:50.160
we don't have to protect ourselves, we don't have to fight for ourselves, you don't have to whatever

225
00:23:50.880 --> 00:23:57.200
is he, he'll do all of that. So once we're in that particular posture with him,

226
00:23:58.320 --> 00:24:04.800
now we act. Now we do. So there are things that you can do. So you don't have to think, Oh, well,

227
00:24:04.800 --> 00:24:10.080
these people are doing these things to me. And there's nothing sorry, I know you're talking,

228
00:24:10.080 --> 00:24:13.440
you've talked about like multiple things. So let me tell you what specifically I'm talking about.

229
00:24:13.440 --> 00:24:17.760
And then we'll go through, like, for instance, you know, the thing with that, like the teachers

230
00:24:17.760 --> 00:24:20.960
or whatever. And I'm just using that as one example out of the things you talked about.

231
00:24:21.600 --> 00:24:28.000
And I could also go for Well, how do I pursue my healing related to this traumatic event? Or what

232
00:24:28.000 --> 00:24:33.120
do I do with these relationships with people that I have needed stuff from and haven't been there,

233
00:24:33.120 --> 00:24:38.000
you know, so I'm just going to first talk about this one. And just because it feels like the

234
00:24:38.000 --> 00:24:44.240
easiest one to kind of use as an example and try to explain is, you're, you know, being in a place

235
00:24:44.240 --> 00:24:49.760
of rest with the Lord, okay, Lord, you know, I don't have to be threatened by all of this. You

236
00:24:49.760 --> 00:24:54.560
know, by the fact that I need these TAs, that's what we call them in America, you know, teachers

237
00:24:54.560 --> 00:24:59.920
assistant, that I need these teachers assistants to be here, I don't have to be threatened.

238
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:04.880
By how they're treating me and whatever. I just I really follow that to you and I'm at rest

239
00:25:04.880 --> 00:25:06.540
So now that I'm at rest

240
00:25:06.540 --> 00:25:12.800
What oh, you know, you are you're a son of God and so from that place of being a son of God

241
00:25:13.160 --> 00:25:19.600
What are some of the ways in which God calls us to act on this to do he calls us to bring order?

242
00:25:20.600 --> 00:25:25.360
and so if you are not get you've given them multiple chances you've you've

243
00:25:25.800 --> 00:25:30.640
Expressed grace to them that they had a choice of how to respond to and

244
00:25:31.980 --> 00:25:39.040
They didn't respond appropriately. In other words, here's what they did. They abused it. They didn't receive it

245
00:25:39.960 --> 00:25:47.320
So then using your grace and just taking advantage of it is actually it's very weird to think about

246
00:25:47.520 --> 00:25:53.040
But they actually rejected your grace. They didn't receive it and remember what God says

247
00:25:53.040 --> 00:25:55.960
He says hey if you offer something to someone like say for instance

248
00:25:55.960 --> 00:26:03.160
You're going you told the disciples you go from town to town if the people receive you will then allow your grace your peace to stay

249
00:26:03.600 --> 00:26:05.660
But if they don't receive you

250
00:26:06.320 --> 00:26:11.500
Then shake the dust of the town off your feet. Do not bring your peace back to you

251
00:26:12.560 --> 00:26:19.400
Because they've rejected it. So bring it back. So in other words you are in a position of rest with the Lord

252
00:26:20.000 --> 00:26:21.400
You're not

253
00:26:21.440 --> 00:26:23.440
Internally emotionally spiritually

254
00:26:24.280 --> 00:26:29.960
Fighting them and attacking them and I feel threatened by them and they shouldn't do this to me or whatever

255
00:26:30.160 --> 00:26:33.240
But something still that action still needed to be done

256
00:26:33.880 --> 00:26:36.480
You still you were caught you're in a position of authority

257
00:26:37.400 --> 00:26:39.120
so you

258
00:26:39.120 --> 00:26:44.120
Appropriately stand in that position of authority. You've been given that right so exercise it

259
00:26:44.120 --> 00:26:48.920
You know why authority is given to people for the benefit of those underneath them

260
00:26:49.240 --> 00:26:53.160
So you it's not just that you're needing things

261
00:26:53.360 --> 00:27:01.080
It's that you're in a position and so you're held responsible for what happens underneath you this underneath you right now is in chaos

262
00:27:01.440 --> 00:27:06.720
And so you have the authority to bring it into order. So you follow whatever chain of command is necessary

263
00:27:06.720 --> 00:27:10.640
You've given them grace you you know, you've talked to them about it and they keep doing this

264
00:27:10.640 --> 00:27:17.280
Okay, we're running it up the supply pole running running it to the principal or whatever and then you can do that

265
00:27:17.280 --> 00:27:22.120
But so we have to step so when we're operating from a place of rest

266
00:27:22.120 --> 00:27:25.040
It doesn't mean we stop doing these things

267
00:27:25.520 --> 00:27:30.560
It means that now we do these things from a place of rest now

268
00:27:30.760 --> 00:27:33.080
Sometimes the things that we were doing

269
00:27:34.080 --> 00:27:36.440
You can't do from a place of rest sure

270
00:27:36.600 --> 00:27:41.920
And so therefore sometimes when you're in a place of rest you do different things you do different actions

271
00:27:42.280 --> 00:27:44.440
But sometimes you do the same actions

272
00:27:44.440 --> 00:27:51.040
But now you're doing it from a place of rest because remember God says it's not the actions that are important. It's your heart

273
00:27:51.240 --> 00:27:56.440
It's where you're positioned. It's what it is. You're believing about the Lord. It's that approach. Remember?

274
00:27:56.440 --> 00:27:58.360
That's what Jesus was telling the Pharisees

275
00:27:58.360 --> 00:27:59.200
He's like hey

276
00:27:59.200 --> 00:28:05.960
If you if you're angry in your it towards your brother in your own mind or in your own heart

277
00:28:06.000 --> 00:28:10.800
You've all it's as if you've already murdered him. He's like because the whole the sin

278
00:28:11.520 --> 00:28:17.000
Happens before the action the action is simply a result of the of your at your belief

279
00:28:17.720 --> 00:28:22.640
You know in your approach. So anyway, there are things that that

280
00:28:23.240 --> 00:28:27.000
You know that you can do and you don't think oh, well, I can't do those things

281
00:28:27.000 --> 00:28:32.120
I'm not supposed to do those things. Those things are bad. You'd only do those things if you're not in rest. That's not true

282
00:28:32.680 --> 00:28:35.920
It's into a place of rest. Now. What does the Lord call you to do?

283
00:28:35.920 --> 00:28:41.200
How does he he doesn't just call you to be at rest when you're at rest?

284
00:28:41.200 --> 00:28:45.480
There's things to do meaning like once you're in that position

285
00:28:46.040 --> 00:28:50.160
Once you're seated in that position in God where he takes care of everything. You're his beloved son

286
00:28:50.720 --> 00:28:56.480
He doesn't have you do nothing there. He's like, okay now I'm gonna teach you how to rule

287
00:28:56.480 --> 00:29:02.720
I can teach you how to bring order to your particular area that I have entrusted you with and whatever and

288
00:29:03.240 --> 00:29:09.400
Etc. So that's that's one thing as far as like, you know with that with them, you know

289
00:29:09.400 --> 00:29:12.280
You're your wounds with these other people

290
00:29:12.800 --> 00:29:14.800
but

291
00:29:14.840 --> 00:29:16.840
But even

292
00:29:17.600 --> 00:29:20.160
So you're saying in this position that

293
00:29:20.760 --> 00:29:26.280
Even the teacher is she's the main teacher of the class. So she in one way

294
00:29:26.280 --> 00:29:30.200
She's an authority over me. But in this instance, she's my assistant

295
00:29:31.200 --> 00:29:33.200
She's my second chair

296
00:29:33.200 --> 00:29:37.520
Mmm, she's not an assistant. She's not an assistant. No, okay

297
00:29:37.520 --> 00:29:45.400
She's the main teacher but to fill up her job 100% job. She needs to take second chair

298
00:29:46.160 --> 00:29:48.160
classes

299
00:29:49.400 --> 00:29:55.440
So we are in a way equal but it's so she's not English educated so she can't teach English

300
00:29:55.960 --> 00:29:57.960
Okay, that's why she's my second chair

301
00:29:57.960 --> 00:30:00.280
But in her normal job

302
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:06.320
she's the main teacher and has authority over me in the class. Okay. So what were you talking

303
00:30:06.320 --> 00:30:10.800
about where you were wondering, Oh, why should I go to the principal? How, because if you're

304
00:30:11.680 --> 00:30:18.080
not doing your job, well, yeah. Okay. Okay. So I misunderstood, but still you would do the same

305
00:30:18.080 --> 00:30:24.800
thing. Like say for instance, if you're under her, if you still, you can get now, you know,

306
00:30:24.800 --> 00:30:28.880
again, you position yourself in a place of rest with the Lord. I've had to do this with bosses

307
00:30:28.880 --> 00:30:32.560
too, meaning like, or supervisors, you know, whatever, they're not really your boss,

308
00:30:32.560 --> 00:30:35.920
but you're a supervisor and it's very complicated, you know, and it's like,

309
00:30:35.920 --> 00:30:40.480
and you try really hard to address it directly with them. But if you can't.

310
00:30:41.680 --> 00:30:47.200
You, you know, go, you go, if, you know, whenever it's appropriate, which hopefully you're,

311
00:30:47.200 --> 00:30:53.280
we're usually in positions where you are afforded the opportunity. You go to who you can,

312
00:30:54.000 --> 00:30:59.280
if it's, and, and talk to them about it and say, Hey, look, this is the position I'm in.

313
00:30:59.840 --> 00:31:05.200
I don't know what to do. I, all of the responsibility is now put on me.

314
00:31:05.840 --> 00:31:11.600
Or were you aware that this is happening? Is this what's appropriate? And obviously it's not,

315
00:31:11.600 --> 00:31:17.280
but what you're trying to do is you're trying to help the person instead of coming in guns blazing,

316
00:31:17.280 --> 00:31:21.120
as we say in America, just like, Hey, this isn't right. Now I'm not being treated right.

317
00:31:21.920 --> 00:31:28.480
The thing is that a lot of times the principal bosses, supervisors, whoever leadership don't

318
00:31:28.480 --> 00:31:34.160
like that approach because they're human beings. Their immediate feeling is I have to protect

319
00:31:34.160 --> 00:31:39.280
myself against this person. So they're less likely to work with you. So basically I'm just talking

320
00:31:39.280 --> 00:31:44.480
about like how to work with human psychology. So the thing is that if you're going to someone,

321
00:31:44.480 --> 00:31:50.320
you're like, Hey, look, I'm in this difficult position. It's not coming in as a, you know,

322
00:31:50.320 --> 00:31:54.880
Hey, look, you know, this isn't right. It's more like, okay, this is the situation.

323
00:31:55.680 --> 00:32:02.240
They're the main teacher, but I'm being given all of the work. I can't. I thought that it,

324
00:32:02.240 --> 00:32:08.880
that we weren't supposed to handle all of these students there, but I'm, I'm being that my

325
00:32:08.880 --> 00:32:14.960
situation is I'm the only one handling all of these students. And I've talked to the lady about

326
00:32:14.960 --> 00:32:19.680
it multiple times. What's even better is if you have anything, you're writing to be able to

327
00:32:19.680 --> 00:32:24.480
present to her and show, Hey, look, these are the conversations we've had. It's been going on

328
00:32:24.480 --> 00:32:30.560
for a while. This is my position. Is there anything that, what, what steps can I take

329
00:32:31.440 --> 00:32:38.160
to get some help? So you see how you're not blaming someone and trying to get them in trouble.

330
00:32:38.800 --> 00:32:44.080
You're asking for help for yourself. And then, you know what I'm saying?

331
00:32:44.080 --> 00:32:50.400
And, but then two things will happen. One thing is that you said that you did not, when your peer

332
00:32:50.400 --> 00:32:56.080
was abusing you verbally, you said that the reason why you didn't go to the boss was that, you know,

333
00:32:56.080 --> 00:33:01.840
that they wouldn't do anything because they were sitting after him, abusing and telling you how

334
00:33:01.840 --> 00:33:07.280
horrible it was, but they were doing. And there's a good chance that will happen here because there

335
00:33:07.280 --> 00:33:12.640
are men in position that I don't think this woman has a lot of authority and power. They're not

336
00:33:12.640 --> 00:33:16.800
going to do anything. I think they are actually a little bit afraid of her. There's a good chance

337
00:33:16.800 --> 00:33:22.800
that they will do nothing. And also the second thing is that she's my friend. So we personally

338
00:33:22.800 --> 00:33:29.520
have a relationship and she could, she could accept it, but she could get extremely offended

339
00:33:29.520 --> 00:33:35.520
and mad at me. And my whole work situation could be hell because we have a relationship.

340
00:33:36.400 --> 00:33:42.240
Like we talk about, like, I really, really like her and enjoy her. It's just that, and she's in

341
00:33:42.240 --> 00:33:47.680
a place where there are hard things going on in her life. So it's kind of showing, this is the,

342
00:33:47.680 --> 00:33:52.000
one of the side effects of it, like she's stressed and everything. So then she just thinks like, oh,

343
00:33:52.000 --> 00:33:57.920
I know when off with her friends, then I'll just, I can just like skip her classes because she'll

344
00:33:57.920 --> 00:34:05.680
understand, you know, so then it could end up being very hard at work. And I could end up with

345
00:34:05.680 --> 00:34:13.440
leaders saying, well, we don't know what to do. Talk to her yourself. Yeah. But, but should I

346
00:34:15.199 --> 00:34:21.520
Well, so here's the thing you're in a very difficult situation now, and you're saying

347
00:34:21.520 --> 00:34:26.880
there's a potentially difficult situation that's coming. So the thing is you have to decide for

348
00:34:26.880 --> 00:34:32.400
yourself. Are you willing to just stay in this position and not try? Or are you willing to try?

349
00:34:33.360 --> 00:34:38.800
You just have to decide because you're right. There's a risk either way. One thing is the way

350
00:34:38.800 --> 00:34:44.480
that we say in English and the cliche is you're, you're, you're with a devil, you know, in other

351
00:34:44.480 --> 00:34:48.719
words, you're in a situation where you already know how bad it is, but you want, you've already

352
00:34:48.719 --> 00:34:54.560
known and figured out how to work in that environment. It's just wearing you down. But

353
00:34:54.560 --> 00:34:59.920
what keeps us there in a horror in a horrible situation so often is we're

354
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:01.500
We're so afraid of the devil.

355
00:35:01.500 --> 00:35:02.180
We don't know.

356
00:35:02.820 --> 00:35:05.400
In other words, if I do this, will it get worse?

357
00:35:06.360 --> 00:35:09.440
So one of the things you can think about, yeah, but if you stay where you are,

358
00:35:09.440 --> 00:35:13.320
it'll be worse too, because it just keeps going and it just works out, you know, or

359
00:35:13.320 --> 00:35:19.920
whatever, but, uh, so anyway, I, uh, so I really don't know what it is that, you

360
00:35:19.920 --> 00:35:21.960
know, you want to do and how you should handle it.

361
00:35:21.960 --> 00:35:26.000
Me, my situation, it was, that was the choice that I made.

362
00:35:26.840 --> 00:35:31.520
I, it's not that, and, and I actually had other choices.

363
00:35:32.300 --> 00:35:33.660
I could have gone to HR.

364
00:35:34.380 --> 00:35:40.100
I could have gone above my boss and got to my, because we're all the, and, um,

365
00:35:40.740 --> 00:35:48.540
the way that it was set up is, um, my, at that particular organization, they

366
00:35:48.540 --> 00:35:53.740
always give you an opportunity to go above people if you need help and to

367
00:35:53.740 --> 00:35:59.000
talk to your bosses, bosses, boss, if you need to, you know, in order to

368
00:35:59.000 --> 00:36:03.640
actually get help and they do that to help prevent people from being in your

369
00:36:03.640 --> 00:36:04.480
situation.

370
00:36:04.920 --> 00:36:09.160
And so I learned from that, okay, that's a really healthy way, you know, to do

371
00:36:09.160 --> 00:36:12.080
things, but I didn't do it.

372
00:36:12.080 --> 00:36:18.120
I don't remember why, or if at the time I didn't even think about it, but I did

373
00:36:18.120 --> 00:36:21.960
know I had the opportunity to go to HR and I chose not to.

374
00:36:22.380 --> 00:36:25.900
Um, I just asked the Lord, okay, Lord, is there a different way?

375
00:36:25.940 --> 00:36:27.260
How do you want me to handle this?

376
00:36:27.300 --> 00:36:30.180
And just because I handled it that one way, that time doesn't

377
00:36:30.180 --> 00:36:31.260
mean that I do it again.

378
00:36:31.420 --> 00:36:36.660
You know, also you talked about the fact that I just continue to stay in the

379
00:36:36.660 --> 00:36:39.300
situation and just stayed in rest and all of that.

380
00:36:39.300 --> 00:36:47.540
Well, two things, one, um, about, I don't know, eight months later, 10 months, I

381
00:36:47.540 --> 00:36:53.280
mean, I tell stories about that time and it feels like it was a very long time.

382
00:36:53.280 --> 00:36:56.680
But when I look back, I realized, you know, it really wasn't that long, but

383
00:36:56.880 --> 00:36:59.320
every minute felt like an hour.

384
00:36:59.320 --> 00:37:03.880
I mean, it was just, you know, and, um, but the thing is that after, I don't

385
00:37:03.880 --> 00:37:08.880
know, however many months I was so worn out, even though everything was good.

386
00:37:08.880 --> 00:37:14.040
Now I was so worn out from how much I'd had to deal with that.

387
00:37:14.040 --> 00:37:17.940
I eventually told them I need to be relieved at this position.

388
00:37:19.060 --> 00:37:25.940
He and I are good now, you know, whatever, but I am sober now from having gotten to

389
00:37:25.940 --> 00:37:28.420
this point that I need help.

390
00:37:28.460 --> 00:37:30.100
And I was very grateful.

391
00:37:30.100 --> 00:37:33.540
The person that I talked to was actually my boss's boss's boss.

392
00:37:34.300 --> 00:37:38.540
Like I told you, they give us opportunity to go up the chain if we need to.

393
00:37:38.580 --> 00:37:42.620
And I happened to be in a conversation with him and I told him, this is the

394
00:37:42.640 --> 00:37:47.640
situation you said, I've been, I've talked to too many people in my career that are

395
00:37:47.640 --> 00:37:49.560
where that are talking like you are now.

396
00:37:49.560 --> 00:37:52.640
And if I don't help you right now, you're, I know you're going to leave.

397
00:37:53.040 --> 00:37:53.720
I said, Oh no, sir.

398
00:37:53.720 --> 00:37:54.600
I'm not talking about that.

399
00:37:54.600 --> 00:37:57.000
He said, I have too much experience, Ashley.

400
00:37:57.440 --> 00:38:01.440
If you're finally coming to me at this point, he said, I will fix it.

401
00:38:01.480 --> 00:38:02.180
And he did.

402
00:38:02.480 --> 00:38:06.680
So he moved me out and that was after I won the battle.

403
00:38:07.000 --> 00:38:10.880
That was months, months after I'd won the battle.

404
00:38:11.060 --> 00:38:15.220
But the battle was so hard that eventually I asked.

405
00:38:15.260 --> 00:38:23.420
So, so my point is, even though I was, I had done and I learned so much with the

406
00:38:23.420 --> 00:38:30.300
Lord about rest and done and walked so that he taught me so much and I had, I

407
00:38:30.300 --> 00:38:32.380
had obeyed him in so much, et cetera.

408
00:38:33.060 --> 00:38:36.460
I finally, my soul finally was just so stretched.

409
00:38:36.460 --> 00:38:37.580
Something had to give.

410
00:38:37.580 --> 00:38:41.280
I needed relief and I needed a time of healing.

411
00:38:41.560 --> 00:38:45.440
I needed a time where I didn't have that factor in my life.

412
00:38:46.560 --> 00:38:50.600
And so I asked God and I then asked my boss.

413
00:38:51.200 --> 00:38:56.060
If I could get out, I did ask God first and I know, and I asked him, you know,

414
00:38:56.060 --> 00:38:57.500
where my peace was and whatever.

415
00:38:57.500 --> 00:39:04.800
And remember, if you cannot hear God and hear where your peace is, and we've

416
00:39:04.820 --> 00:39:06.940
talked through various ways that you can do that.

417
00:39:07.420 --> 00:39:13.440
If you, if you try all those things and you still can't find, hear, hear that

418
00:39:13.440 --> 00:39:16.980
peace from the Lord or feel like an openness or freedom towards something,

419
00:39:18.180 --> 00:39:24.460
pick what your, where your soul would find peace, pick what would give you relief.

420
00:39:25.460 --> 00:39:30.120
You know, and, um, because here's the thing, remember we're learning.

421
00:39:30.720 --> 00:39:34.780
This isn't a test, like God's taught us all this stuff and

422
00:39:34.780 --> 00:39:36.460
now we just have to perform.

423
00:39:37.100 --> 00:39:38.400
We're learning things.

424
00:39:38.400 --> 00:39:40.460
And that means that you don't know.

425
00:39:40.920 --> 00:39:43.420
And it doesn't mean that I have to always do the hardest thing.

426
00:39:43.440 --> 00:39:47.500
Like you, you do not always have to have a hard way to put it.

427
00:39:47.500 --> 00:39:51.340
I also always think that it must be the most pain because I'm used to it.

428
00:39:51.900 --> 00:39:55.860
That is a good point.

429
00:39:56.360 --> 00:39:57.020
I do the same.

430
00:39:57.020 --> 00:39:58.200
I've done the same thing.

431
00:39:58.200 --> 00:39:59.980
My mother told me that.

432
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.200
I don't know if I was in high school or college or what she said, Ashley,

433
00:40:03.200 --> 00:40:07.840
why do you always pick the hardest path? And I, and I, my mind, I was thinking,

434
00:40:08.640 --> 00:40:14.160
well, because that's what I thought that my parents taught me. That's what I thought God

435
00:40:14.160 --> 00:40:20.960
taught me is you is that whatever it is that you don't want to do is the thing that God wants you

436
00:40:20.960 --> 00:40:25.440
to do. And whatever you want to do is the thing that God doesn't want you to do. So therefore

437
00:40:25.440 --> 00:40:33.600
that equated in my mind to always pick the path of most resistance, right? So I've had to learn

438
00:40:33.600 --> 00:40:38.640
that's not God. Now, sure. Sometimes God asks us to do things that our flesh doesn't want to do,

439
00:40:39.200 --> 00:40:45.280
but the hardest path and the least, uh, the most resistance and the last thing we want to do does

440
00:40:45.280 --> 00:40:51.360
not equate as this formula to what God wants you to do. So sometimes, and that has been a

441
00:40:51.360 --> 00:40:58.800
tremendous healing thing for me is to see and feel and experience God's acceptance of me.

442
00:40:58.800 --> 00:41:04.960
When I tried to find my peace where he, where, where he wanted me to go. And I'm like, yeah,

443
00:41:04.960 --> 00:41:09.520
but God, I can't, I don't know what that is. I don't know where you're telling me to go. I don't,

444
00:41:09.520 --> 00:41:14.720
I can't hear it. Where is your, where's my spirit finding peace? I don't know. Okay. Lord, this is

445
00:41:14.720 --> 00:41:19.840
the only other route I know. I don't know this one. I'm asking you and I can't hear you. So

446
00:41:20.560 --> 00:41:26.960
I'm going to pick this one. I'm still looking for you, Lord, but this is the only one I can find.

447
00:41:26.960 --> 00:41:33.120
And then to, to actually do it. And then to experience that God's still okay with me to

448
00:41:33.120 --> 00:41:38.320
see how it all works out. I'm like, and sometimes it works out pleasantly and sometimes it doesn't,

449
00:41:38.320 --> 00:41:43.840
but I find that God's still okay with me. I'm like, oh, so this whole life thing isn't as hard

450
00:41:43.840 --> 00:41:49.440
as I thought because God still loves me. And he's so kind to me. And I'm still in just as

451
00:41:49.440 --> 00:41:56.320
much connection with him. When I, when I make this choice, then when I make this one, so we keep,

452
00:41:56.320 --> 00:42:00.080
I didn't know about you, but I was always taught you lose connection with God. If you make the

453
00:42:00.080 --> 00:42:06.000
wrong choice, it's just not true. It's just absolutely not true. God's just like, well,

454
00:42:06.000 --> 00:42:09.680
that's not what I wanted you to learn when you learn this over here. So let's try again,

455
00:42:09.680 --> 00:42:16.000
you know? And so anyway, that's what I would, that's what I would do, you know, in your

456
00:42:16.000 --> 00:42:21.920
situation. And remember that just because it's hard right now, doesn't mean you need to keep it

457
00:42:21.920 --> 00:42:29.040
hard. So my point is just like what I did, I had it really hard for a while. And then finally,

458
00:42:29.040 --> 00:42:33.840
I'm just like, I know it's a lot better now. I mean, like it's like a thousand times better,

459
00:42:34.400 --> 00:42:41.920
but I'm, I'm just, I'm just stretched and I've been stretched too long and I need relief.

460
00:42:41.920 --> 00:42:47.280
I think that's what happened when this happened with this guy. I was like, because I've been in

461
00:42:47.280 --> 00:42:52.800
this with these two ladies for one and a half years. Yeah. It's not just happened. I've been

462
00:42:52.800 --> 00:42:57.760
patient and patient and I addressed them several times. Yeah. And now I thought it was even just

463
00:42:57.760 --> 00:43:03.200
one semester. And I thought that was a long time. My goodness, a year and a half. No. And I get so

464
00:43:03.200 --> 00:43:08.000
angry at them. And I think I'm going to start acting cold towards them because it's affecting

465
00:43:08.000 --> 00:43:13.280
the relationship because it's like, it's too much. Like I'm, I'm getting very, very

466
00:43:14.560 --> 00:43:18.800
and I've been friends with one of them. And now I'm like, I don't even want to be friends with

467
00:43:18.800 --> 00:43:24.640
you anymore because I'm hurting so much and you still do this to me. So I probably have reached

468
00:43:24.640 --> 00:43:31.600
some kind of level where, yeah. And that I, yeah. Where it's too much. They're not treating you like

469
00:43:31.600 --> 00:43:36.240
a friend. So here's the thing that you can think about in situations like that, where, where you're

470
00:43:36.240 --> 00:43:42.400
really hurt by friend is to realize, okay, wait just a second. Why am I, have I continued to

471
00:43:42.400 --> 00:43:48.480
choose and then continuing to choose this friendship? Is it because I need something from

472
00:43:48.480 --> 00:43:55.280
them? So I'm willing to allow myself to just be beaten up by the experience. Well, if so, then

473
00:43:55.280 --> 00:44:00.320
that might be an issue that I'm needing it that bad. In other words, maybe I'm looking for them

474
00:44:00.320 --> 00:44:06.640
to provide something that either they, as people don't want to give or can't give, or I'm supposed

475
00:44:06.640 --> 00:44:12.080
to be looking to God for, you know, whatever, like if I'm willing to be in an abusive and I don't

476
00:44:12.080 --> 00:44:18.240
mean to be taking a really hard word and put it into, but you know what I mean? Like a situation

477
00:44:18.240 --> 00:44:24.000
which you're not being treated well, you know, if, if, if I'm willing to put up with all of this

478
00:44:24.000 --> 00:44:29.120
in order to get this thing, that sounds like an, an unhealthy addiction. It sounds like an

479
00:44:29.120 --> 00:44:34.640
unhealthy connection that I am continuing to put myself in. So one of the things you could think

480
00:44:34.640 --> 00:44:38.400
about is you're like, well, wait a minute. What if I lose my friendship with them? What if they get

481
00:44:38.400 --> 00:44:44.320
really offended, whatever, what have they been? They have been telling you, and this did me,

482
00:44:44.320 --> 00:44:49.040
made a huge difference in my life. When I went to a counselor one time and he told me this thing,

483
00:44:49.040 --> 00:44:53.520
I was having a problem with a friend of mine. And he said, Ashley said the way friendships work

484
00:44:53.520 --> 00:44:59.600
is everyone draws a boundary line. Ashley, I'm willing to be friends with you to this point.

485
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:08.000
He said, you have to accept the fact that that's as far as they're willing to go.

486
00:45:08.000 --> 00:45:11.840
So you think, okay, that's as far as they're willing to go.

487
00:45:11.840 --> 00:45:14.120
How far am I willing to go?

488
00:45:14.120 --> 00:45:17.480
As opposed to being upset at them for not going this far.

489
00:45:17.480 --> 00:45:21.440
He's like, no, actually, they've told you to what degree they're willing to be friends

490
00:45:21.440 --> 00:45:23.080
with you.

491
00:45:23.080 --> 00:45:27.940
Accept them to that degree and interact with them to that degree.

492
00:45:27.940 --> 00:45:30.740
If they do this, you don't have to meet them there.

493
00:45:30.740 --> 00:45:33.540
You don't have to go all of the way that they didn't go.

494
00:45:33.540 --> 00:45:35.460
He said, you don't have to do that.

495
00:45:35.460 --> 00:45:37.580
They told you their boundary.

496
00:45:37.580 --> 00:45:42.180
They told you how much this friendship means to them or how little, whichever.

497
00:45:42.180 --> 00:45:47.820
So you decide, okay, because that's their decision, where, where am I, where do I fit?

498
00:45:47.820 --> 00:45:52.740
And so that's, that's just something that you can think about, talk to the Lord about,

499
00:45:52.740 --> 00:45:56.500
you know, search your heart about these two friendships.

500
00:45:56.500 --> 00:46:02.420
It's wonderful that you're loyal, but also think of it like this, how much energy are

501
00:46:02.420 --> 00:46:10.260
you expending in these areas like people like this, where, and you're getting burnout, you're

502
00:46:10.260 --> 00:46:15.780
getting overwhelmed and you in, in all these other areas of life, because you're trying

503
00:46:15.780 --> 00:46:17.980
to hold all these balls in the air.

504
00:46:17.980 --> 00:46:21.580
And some of those balls don't need to be in your life.

505
00:46:21.580 --> 00:46:28.980
The amount of energy that it's taking to be loyal or to have these particular friends

506
00:46:28.980 --> 00:46:34.700
to go to the degree that you are for them, how much energy are you putting into it?

507
00:46:34.700 --> 00:46:37.540
And has God given you those friends?

508
00:46:37.540 --> 00:46:42.060
Has God said that that's where he wants you to be pouring your energy or is your energy

509
00:46:42.060 --> 00:46:47.500
being poured out somewhere that where God somewhere else and God saying, Oh, I wanted

510
00:46:47.500 --> 00:46:51.500
you to pour this energy over here and just something that's more life giving for you

511
00:46:51.500 --> 00:46:52.500
or whatever.

512
00:46:52.500 --> 00:46:57.580
So, so there's, and so, cause it's not like you need to think badly about these people

513
00:46:57.580 --> 00:46:59.700
and judge them and hate them and whatever.

514
00:46:59.700 --> 00:47:06.020
It's just like, no, we're just God they're doing life the way that they want to do life.

515
00:47:06.020 --> 00:47:09.620
That doesn't match with my season right now.

516
00:47:09.620 --> 00:47:13.040
So I can have different friends in this season.

517
00:47:13.040 --> 00:47:18.120
We're not writing people off as if, Oh, we're only friends with people we think are valuable

518
00:47:18.120 --> 00:47:19.120
in this world.

519
00:47:19.120 --> 00:47:22.120
And then, and then if we don't think they're valuable, well, those are the people we don't

520
00:47:22.120 --> 00:47:23.320
have willing to be friends with.

521
00:47:23.320 --> 00:47:26.800
So therefore, if I'm not friends with someone, it must mean I don't think they're valuable.

522
00:47:26.800 --> 00:47:28.200
That's not what we're doing.

523
00:47:28.200 --> 00:47:34.200
We're saying who drives with this, this light, this season of light that we're in right now,

524
00:47:34.200 --> 00:47:36.940
where does God say he wants me to put in my energy.

525
00:47:36.940 --> 00:47:41.120
You're not saying that just cause you're not friends with someone that they're not worthy

526
00:47:41.120 --> 00:47:49.160
of being a, they're not worthy as a person or that they, or that they're a bad person.

527
00:47:49.160 --> 00:47:50.280
You're not judging them.

528
00:47:50.280 --> 00:47:51.720
You're not labeling them.

529
00:47:51.720 --> 00:47:55.720
You're just not pouring your energy into them and they can get it from, they can have all

530
00:47:55.720 --> 00:47:58.600
of that energy poured somewhere else.

531
00:47:58.600 --> 00:47:59.600
Sorry.

532
00:47:59.600 --> 00:48:06.280
And, and so anyway, is for one thing, is that helpful to talk about some other stuff that

533
00:48:06.280 --> 00:48:07.280
is that helpful?

534
00:48:07.280 --> 00:48:08.280
Okay.

535
00:48:08.280 --> 00:48:11.320
So those are some ideas you can think about because when you're telling me how they're

536
00:48:11.320 --> 00:48:16.920
treating you and you're concerned about, well, you know what it might do to your friendship,

537
00:48:16.920 --> 00:48:19.120
I'm going, well, these don't sound like good friends.

538
00:48:19.120 --> 00:48:24.480
They sound like they provide a need, provide for a need for you of like people to talk

539
00:48:24.480 --> 00:48:30.840
to that are in an aspect of your world that may like teaching that understand that part,

540
00:48:30.840 --> 00:48:34.440
that other people that are important to you aren't in that part of your life and you have

541
00:48:34.440 --> 00:48:37.640
a difficult time talking to them about this thing.

542
00:48:38.000 --> 00:48:43.560
But so it sounds like they might provide a need for you in your life, but are they worth

543
00:48:43.560 --> 00:48:45.160
the cost?

544
00:48:45.160 --> 00:48:50.440
Is what they're pulling from you, is that, is what you get from them, is it worth all

545
00:48:50.440 --> 00:48:52.440
of that sacrifice and cost?

546
00:48:52.440 --> 00:48:56.160
And is that where God wants you to be sacrificing?

547
00:48:56.160 --> 00:48:59.160
Is that where God wants you to be expending your energy?

548
00:48:59.160 --> 00:49:01.960
So anyway, you can just ask the Lord and it doesn't mean you have to write them off as

549
00:49:01.960 --> 00:49:02.960
friends period.

550
00:49:03.400 --> 00:49:08.040
It just means you have to be willing that, okay, they're treating me like this.

551
00:49:08.040 --> 00:49:10.800
This does not work for me in this professional environment.

552
00:49:10.800 --> 00:49:15.320
I'm going to decide to go over here and talk to the principal about this.

553
00:49:15.320 --> 00:49:20.480
It might affect the friendship, but if so, I'm okay with that because I'm important and

554
00:49:20.480 --> 00:49:26.080
this is what that friend, that person is choosing to do.

555
00:49:26.080 --> 00:49:30.520
It's their choice about whether or not they want to continue to be friends with me.

556
00:49:30.520 --> 00:49:36.040
It's my choice as to how I want to continue this thing based on how they're treating me

557
00:49:36.040 --> 00:49:41.680
and this is how they've been treating me and that's just a no go, you know, or whatever.

558
00:49:41.680 --> 00:49:47.160
So all of these things are hard, but remember as well that it's not your fault that other

559
00:49:47.160 --> 00:49:52.440
people's actions have put you in this position to have to make this choice.

560
00:49:52.440 --> 00:49:56.400
You know how we can feel bad for making choices.

561
00:49:56.400 --> 00:50:00.400
It's not your fault that they've put you in this position.

562
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.920
So it's up to you to decide this is your life and you're the one in that position.

563
00:50:05.280 --> 00:50:08.760
Is that when you want to, is that where you want to stay or do you

564
00:50:08.760 --> 00:50:10.320
want a different choice for your life?

565
00:50:10.800 --> 00:50:15.800
It is not your fault or responsibility for being put in that position

566
00:50:15.800 --> 00:50:17.280
to have to make this choice.

567
00:50:17.840 --> 00:50:18.680
That is your choice.

568
00:50:18.680 --> 00:50:19.880
That is your prerogative to make.

569
00:50:20.080 --> 00:50:21.360
Do you want to talk to the principal?

570
00:50:21.400 --> 00:50:21.960
Do you not?

571
00:50:22.520 --> 00:50:23.680
That's your choice to make.

572
00:50:23.680 --> 00:50:26.960
You don't have to feel guilty for, I feel bad for doing this thing.

573
00:50:27.360 --> 00:50:29.920
No, they put you in that position.

574
00:50:30.760 --> 00:50:32.600
You're not responsible for that.

575
00:50:33.080 --> 00:50:37.320
But something that they don't get to speak into is what you choose to

576
00:50:37.320 --> 00:50:39.080
do now that you're in this position.

577
00:50:39.920 --> 00:50:42.120
It's not your fault that you're there, but now that you're there,

578
00:50:42.120 --> 00:50:43.880
you are responsible for your life.

579
00:50:44.480 --> 00:50:49.840
So it's like owning our stuff and not owning what somebody else's stuff.

580
00:50:50.600 --> 00:50:56.000
You know, and, and so that if I shared it with a couple of other teachers and

581
00:50:56.000 --> 00:50:59.360
they say just to be like, what's going on?

582
00:50:59.720 --> 00:51:02.160
And they say it's outrageous.

583
00:51:02.640 --> 00:51:05.200
It's like so out of line.

584
00:51:05.200 --> 00:51:08.560
It's they're like, one of it's like, I've never heard of anything like that.

585
00:51:09.320 --> 00:51:13.920
A second teacher that doesn't come to class and just does other things.

586
00:51:13.920 --> 00:51:15.640
They're like, yeah, that's their job.

587
00:51:15.720 --> 00:51:18.560
Then get a sick leave or get another job.

588
00:51:19.120 --> 00:51:23.480
So I know people, people have been like, this is just crazy, but I don't know.

589
00:51:23.480 --> 00:51:27.880
I've just felt, I feel like so much love towards her and I want to help her, you

590
00:51:27.880 --> 00:51:32.920
know, like the, and I know she's struggling with things and then when she can go out

591
00:51:33.000 --> 00:51:39.960
in my class and do other things, then I help her kind of, so she can do things

592
00:51:39.960 --> 00:51:43.000
that she doesn't have to do at home or later in the week.

593
00:51:43.480 --> 00:51:49.680
So it's kind of, I think it is to be nice to her, but then I don't know, but it's

594
00:51:49.680 --> 00:51:51.880
like, you're saying I'm getting worn out by it.

595
00:51:51.880 --> 00:51:56.200
And after this happened, like it's been, I've been spread out so thin that I'm

596
00:51:56.200 --> 00:52:00.280
like, now I just get angry and like, I just want to stop her.

597
00:52:00.280 --> 00:52:01.880
Like, it's not okay anymore.

598
00:52:01.920 --> 00:52:03.440
You're totally exploiting me.

599
00:52:03.440 --> 00:52:06.160
And I'm getting mad at myself for accepting it.

600
00:52:06.640 --> 00:52:07.160
Correct.

601
00:52:07.600 --> 00:52:11.120
For not treating yourself better for putting yourself in that position.

602
00:52:11.160 --> 00:52:11.640
Correct.

603
00:52:12.200 --> 00:52:16.000
And so you need to choose that you're, you know, remember who God says that you

604
00:52:16.000 --> 00:52:18.120
are and realize, no, I'm, I'm worth something.

605
00:52:18.160 --> 00:52:22.520
So I need to treat myself appropriately, just like I need to treat other people

606
00:52:22.520 --> 00:52:26.560
appropriately, I need to treat myself appropriately, meaning like if God says

607
00:52:26.560 --> 00:52:34.480
that this is how valuable I am to him, I need to be, I'm responsible to God for

608
00:52:34.480 --> 00:52:38.040
what he's entrusted me with and how I handle and how I treat myself.

609
00:52:38.480 --> 00:52:42.680
If it's any, you know, I always like to kind of give people and people have told

610
00:52:42.680 --> 00:52:45.400
me that it's helpful if I give them examples, you know, from my own life,

611
00:52:45.400 --> 00:52:47.040
when I can tell them I can relate.

612
00:52:47.400 --> 00:52:50.760
I have a friend I'm dealing with that with, um, right now.

613
00:52:50.880 --> 00:52:54.960
And, and I dealt with, I don't know, for over a decade where

614
00:52:54.960 --> 00:52:56.920
they, I don't know.

615
00:52:57.280 --> 00:53:00.000
They wouldn't cancel on anybody else.

616
00:53:00.800 --> 00:53:02.520
I was their area of relief.

617
00:53:02.520 --> 00:53:06.280
They were too afraid to say no to other people, but they knew that I wouldn't

618
00:53:06.280 --> 00:53:10.400
make them feel bad if they said no to me, they knew that I'd let them get away with

619
00:53:10.400 --> 00:53:12.000
it and I did for over a decade.

620
00:53:12.320 --> 00:53:18.200
And so anyway, it's, um, and so I just have learned and has to decide how I

621
00:53:18.200 --> 00:53:22.680
want to handle that myself and I've just done different things to handle it.

622
00:53:22.680 --> 00:53:28.840
And do you know that my particular friend, it actually started, uh, I think making

623
00:53:28.840 --> 00:53:34.000
a difference and they started changing how they interacted with me because I

624
00:53:34.000 --> 00:53:37.840
wasn't always available when they wanted me to be, and I didn't always make plans

625
00:53:37.840 --> 00:53:41.840
with them anymore because I was tired of this whole thing of like, you know,

626
00:53:41.840 --> 00:53:44.560
them always canceling on me and say no and whatever.

627
00:53:44.960 --> 00:53:49.760
And, but, um, and I just didn't feel, and it, and it doesn't feel good.

628
00:53:49.800 --> 00:53:54.240
It doesn't feel like, well, Hey, why am I going, am I showing you how much

629
00:53:54.240 --> 00:53:59.680
you're worth to me, you know, that I'm willing to just to take all of this.

630
00:54:00.160 --> 00:54:03.640
Just because you're afraid to say no to anybody else in your life.

631
00:54:03.880 --> 00:54:05.200
And so you're right.

632
00:54:05.200 --> 00:54:06.680
You know, you can kind of take all that on.

633
00:54:06.960 --> 00:54:10.120
So anyway, that was one of the things that I thought about, you know, with

634
00:54:10.120 --> 00:54:14.880
far as some of this stuff with, um, you know, your, your wounds from,

635
00:54:15.280 --> 00:54:17.320
um, you know, what happened, et cetera.

636
00:54:17.640 --> 00:54:21.880
You know, again, the same, same song, second verse of what we've been talking

637
00:54:21.880 --> 00:54:24.280
about, it's like, there's this theme through everything.

638
00:54:24.840 --> 00:54:30.440
Um, and so you can be at rest, you know, in the Lord and understand, like you've

639
00:54:30.440 --> 00:54:33.680
said, okay, Lord, you know, your character hasn't changed.

640
00:54:34.120 --> 00:54:37.920
It hasn't changed just because this thing happened, you didn't abandon

641
00:54:37.920 --> 00:54:39.200
me just because it's happened.

642
00:54:39.240 --> 00:54:44.440
You know, all of that is tremendous growth, but it doesn't mean that, um,

643
00:54:44.480 --> 00:54:46.960
that, that, how do I put it?

644
00:54:47.880 --> 00:54:49.760
The thing is, it still happens.

645
00:54:50.560 --> 00:54:57.040
And we're in this world where that, uh, where there's like this domino effect

646
00:54:57.080 --> 00:54:58.720
after something like that happens.

647
00:54:58.720 --> 00:55:00.000
That's why it's so bad.

648
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:08.320
is it's not just bad for like the black and white facts of the thing. It's, it's, there's,

649
00:55:08.320 --> 00:55:12.160
there's a reason why you've been impacted the way that you have. Spiritually, there

650
00:55:12.160 --> 00:55:17.880
are things that happen in your soul and your emotions and in thing in aspects of life that

651
00:55:17.880 --> 00:55:24.880
we can't see things happened in that moment. Yeah, yeah, just just, you know, more than

652
00:55:24.880 --> 00:55:32.360
just the physical thing that happened of exposure and all of that exactly face and correct.

653
00:55:32.360 --> 00:55:38.840
One of him trying to control me and sexually being aroused by my fear. There was, there

654
00:55:38.840 --> 00:55:44.760
was, I felt like something like you're saying it was something that I can't even put into

655
00:55:44.760 --> 00:55:53.280
words like spiritual or yeah. Yeah. And so that was again, not through no fault of you.

656
00:55:53.280 --> 00:55:58.000
It was a position that you were put in. I don't mean physically, it was spiritually

657
00:55:58.000 --> 00:56:01.240
in your, in your emotionally, it was this position you were put in through no fault

658
00:56:01.240 --> 00:56:07.360
of your own, but you now have to take ownership of that and decide, Nope, this is not what

659
00:56:07.360 --> 00:56:13.320
I want for me. And now let's take care of it. So it's more than just, you know, being

660
00:56:13.320 --> 00:56:20.360
at rest in the Lord, there are things that you can now do. For instance, you know, that

661
00:56:20.520 --> 00:56:27.000
I'd recommend breaking soul ties with him. And because it doesn't mean that you created it.

662
00:56:27.640 --> 00:56:32.360
It meant remember, just because you're in a position doesn't mean that it's your fault

663
00:56:32.360 --> 00:56:39.800
that you were put there. Right? So when he did that, when he when you were in that situation,

664
00:56:39.800 --> 00:56:44.520
you know, you can feel in the reason that I think of the soul tie is the fact that you

665
00:56:44.520 --> 00:56:52.520
were continually being haunted by a space and the image. And we as human beings were like,

666
00:56:52.520 --> 00:56:58.120
I didn't make any sense. Why? I don't know this person. It happened really fast. We try to reason

667
00:56:58.120 --> 00:57:03.160
ourselves out of like, I shouldn't feel this way. But the reason that you feel that way is because

668
00:57:03.160 --> 00:57:10.840
that's how bad it was. It was as bad as it felt like it was. And we have to we have to acknowledge

669
00:57:10.840 --> 00:57:16.040
that. And then she just thought, and so that's why I say, you know, I recommend like trying to

670
00:57:16.040 --> 00:57:23.320
break a soul tie. Just remember, like, in other words, declaring that, yeah, he has no authority

671
00:57:23.320 --> 00:57:29.480
to be connected to me anymore. I don't care that he did this thing. And you say it in the spirit.

672
00:57:29.480 --> 00:57:34.280
Remember, you're, you're a spiritual being, you as a son of God have authority. So if you declare

673
00:57:34.280 --> 00:57:40.520
it to be so and you choose it to be so it happens. So all you're doing is you're doing something that

674
00:57:40.520 --> 00:57:46.200
God set up is like this law and is this rule. And so you are decreeing that law and rule. You're like,

675
00:57:46.200 --> 00:57:53.000
okay, I'm no longer allowing this to be so. It was forced on me, meaning like this connection.

676
00:57:53.000 --> 00:57:59.320
Absolutely not. It no longer is allowed and no longer has the authority by my declaration to be

677
00:57:59.320 --> 00:58:04.600
connected with me at all. So Lord, you know, with you as my witness, I'm declaring, you know,

678
00:58:04.600 --> 00:58:09.560
that this is that, you know, that this is that the connection is cut, that it's severed. I'm

679
00:58:09.560 --> 00:58:17.080
no longer connected. I have, I am no longer afraid. I have no reason to be afraid. You know,

680
00:58:17.080 --> 00:58:23.480
I release him Lord to you, but he is no longer connected with me. And I ask Lord that you come

681
00:58:23.480 --> 00:58:27.400
in and the thing that was done to me that, you know, I asked that Lord that you would,

682
00:58:27.400 --> 00:58:32.280
that you would heal that place. The thing that was forced on me to have to see or have to

683
00:58:32.280 --> 00:58:37.160
experience or have to be in the situation of, and you know, anything else you can think of,

684
00:58:37.160 --> 00:58:43.000
you know, I asked her that you would heal those places because they are wounds that someone else

685
00:58:43.000 --> 00:58:49.880
inflicted on you, but you get to, you get to call on Jesus's healing to heal those things.

686
00:58:49.880 --> 00:58:52.840
So just because someone else wounded you, doesn't mean you have to live with it.

687
00:58:53.400 --> 00:58:57.560
They wounded you, God feels you like that, but you call on it and you're like, okay, God,

688
00:58:57.560 --> 00:59:02.120
I'm claiming that you heal, that you're healing me, that you, that you're covering all of those

689
00:59:02.120 --> 00:59:07.160
wounds. I no longer have to be afraid. I no longer have to be connected, you know? And,

690
00:59:08.600 --> 00:59:13.160
and so I pray, you know, kind of things like that. And as you pray, you know, I'm sure that

691
00:59:13.160 --> 00:59:17.960
the Lord will do with you, what he does with me, where you start thinking of other things to say.

692
00:59:18.520 --> 00:59:23.160
And sometimes you, you learn things in the, about how things work in the spirit,

693
00:59:23.160 --> 00:59:27.800
because you start saying them. Well, you never thought to have to like say that or

694
00:59:27.800 --> 00:59:30.760
didn't know that that was true until it came out of your mouth. And you said, Hey Lord,

695
00:59:30.840 --> 00:59:34.680
you know, I asked this be done. Like, I didn't know that that was a thing, but there it was.

696
00:59:34.680 --> 00:59:38.840
It just was in my spirit and it came out, you know? So I'm sure that the Lord will tell you

697
00:59:38.840 --> 00:59:43.960
other things as well. That'll help, you know, I'll help relieve the nightmares and relieve,

698
00:59:43.960 --> 00:59:48.280
you know, whatever. And remember you can, and a thing you can talk about and click and declare

699
00:59:48.280 --> 00:59:53.800
and claim is the control again, over your thoughts of your mind, that you are not afraid,

700
00:59:53.800 --> 00:59:57.800
you are not in fear and you're coming out of agreement with fear, coming out of agreement

701
00:59:57.800 --> 00:59:59.800
with whatever. In other words, you.

702
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:08.600
You are, uh, you're, um, what's the word you are claiming that you had that you

703
01:00:08.600 --> 01:00:12.960
have an authority over yourself and nothing else has a right to you anymore,

704
01:00:12.960 --> 01:00:17.000
unless you say so, and you're no longer saying so to all of these things.

705
01:00:18.560 --> 01:00:21.360
And so therefore it's not allowed and it will happen.

706
01:00:21.360 --> 01:00:27.200
I promise, because if you say that it can't happen, then that's a law

707
01:00:27.480 --> 01:00:29.040
written by God that it can't happen.

708
01:00:30.280 --> 01:00:35.560
So, and then, so if you have a, but the devil will always try to trust

709
01:00:35.560 --> 01:00:38.520
Pat and I'll always be like, Oh, let's just try again.

710
01:00:38.520 --> 01:00:42.920
So if, if after you've declared all of this stuff, if something else comes up,

711
01:00:42.920 --> 01:00:48.560
like, Oh, you find yourself afraid again, in an instance, or that, you know, the

712
01:00:48.560 --> 01:00:52.120
pictures come to mind or whatever, just immediately know it's already been done.

713
01:00:52.280 --> 01:00:55.520
Already it, you know, already said that it doesn't have power and

714
01:00:55.520 --> 01:00:57.040
can't have power over me anymore.

715
01:00:57.280 --> 01:00:57.560
Why?

716
01:00:57.560 --> 01:00:58.680
Because I say it can't.

717
01:00:59.680 --> 01:01:01.320
I'm not waiting for it to obey me.

718
01:01:01.760 --> 01:01:03.400
I'm not waiting for it to agree.

719
01:01:03.400 --> 01:01:06.120
I'm saying that that's how it is, you know?

720
01:01:06.480 --> 01:01:12.520
And then and then obviously all of these things, but you know, especially even

721
01:01:12.520 --> 01:01:15.160
before you start praying all these things, ask the Lord to help you.

722
01:01:15.560 --> 01:01:19.560
Because remember we're children that are learning how to do this.

723
01:01:20.080 --> 01:01:21.960
Like, okay, God, I think this is how I do it.

724
01:01:22.080 --> 01:01:25.400
I think you said that I had the power and the authority that if I just said

725
01:01:26.080 --> 01:01:29.440
that it would happen and that you protect me from these things.

726
01:01:29.440 --> 01:01:32.400
And then if I claimed that protection, that I would have it, you know?

727
01:01:32.880 --> 01:01:33.920
So here I go, Lord.

728
01:01:34.040 --> 01:01:38.040
And so just ask the Lord to help you as opposed to thinking, I hope I do this.

729
01:01:38.040 --> 01:01:38.320
Right.

730
01:01:38.800 --> 01:01:42.280
You know, just relax into your father.

731
01:01:42.840 --> 01:01:43.440
Do that.

732
01:01:43.440 --> 01:01:46.880
He, and you ask him, okay, God, I'm your child.

733
01:01:47.160 --> 01:01:48.480
This is how I think that you've taught.

734
01:01:48.480 --> 01:01:50.640
This is what I think that you've told me about myself.

735
01:01:50.640 --> 01:01:54.320
This is what I think that you've told me about who I am and you, but I think that

736
01:01:54.320 --> 01:01:58.160
you have said that I can call on, you know, et cetera, this is what I think

737
01:01:58.160 --> 01:01:59.480
that you said, this is a truth is.

738
01:01:59.840 --> 01:02:02.000
So therefore, Lord, here I go.

739
01:02:02.160 --> 01:02:06.200
And please help me think of anything else, Lord, or tell me anything else, Lord,

740
01:02:06.200 --> 01:02:11.480
that you, um, that I need to think of or be aware of or say out loud or whatever.

741
01:02:12.040 --> 01:02:13.760
And then just, and then go through that.

742
01:02:14.120 --> 01:02:17.520
Um, and then ask the Lord, you'll do all of that.

743
01:02:17.520 --> 01:02:20.560
And you'll claim your authority as a son of God, that these things can't

744
01:02:20.560 --> 01:02:21.960
be connected to and all of that.

745
01:02:22.440 --> 01:02:26.880
But remember and have grace for yourself to understand that even with all that

746
01:02:26.880 --> 01:02:31.800
power, all that authority, you've been hurt, you've been wounded, you were

747
01:02:31.800 --> 01:02:36.640
attacked, meaning like, you know, whether, whether or not we're even talking

748
01:02:36.640 --> 01:02:39.160
physically, we're talking emotionally, spiritually, you were attacked.

749
01:02:39.200 --> 01:02:42.000
Something, you know, came multiple things came against you.

750
01:02:42.480 --> 01:02:42.960
Right.

751
01:02:43.640 --> 01:02:47.960
And, and you can, and you can receive healing.

752
01:02:48.000 --> 01:02:49.560
You don't have to heal yourself.

753
01:02:50.480 --> 01:02:51.400
Does that make sense?

754
01:02:51.680 --> 01:02:55.440
So you're in a position that even though, yeah, you stand up and you

755
01:02:55.440 --> 01:02:59.120
claim the word of God towards you, you know, that you have this power and

756
01:02:59.120 --> 01:03:01.920
authority because you're his son and you're standing in him and you're not

757
01:03:01.920 --> 01:03:06.640
in all of that, but you're also in a position that I'm receiving.

758
01:03:07.200 --> 01:03:10.560
You're not like the one who has to be extra strong when you

759
01:03:10.560 --> 01:03:11.880
were the one that was hurt.

760
01:03:12.800 --> 01:03:16.840
It's both at the same time, when you were exercising that power and authority,

761
01:03:16.840 --> 01:03:21.440
you remember all you're doing is you are, is you were receiving that power

762
01:03:21.440 --> 01:03:25.160
and the authority, and you're talking out of the fact that you have it.

763
01:03:25.880 --> 01:03:27.840
You're not going to battle.

764
01:03:28.120 --> 01:03:31.080
This isn't something you have to do where you're like, well, I was hurt.

765
01:03:31.080 --> 01:03:34.280
Why do I have to rise above, you know, above it?

766
01:03:35.120 --> 01:03:37.320
You know, I already feel tired.

767
01:03:37.480 --> 01:03:41.040
I already feel, you know, I'm trying to keep my head above water.

768
01:03:41.280 --> 01:03:44.760
Well, how on earth am I expected to have all of the energy to pull

769
01:03:44.760 --> 01:03:47.960
myself up even more and say all this and do all this.

770
01:03:48.280 --> 01:03:49.280
It's not like that.

771
01:03:49.320 --> 01:03:52.200
It's like, God, I'm in a rested posture.

772
01:03:52.920 --> 01:03:56.040
I've receiving the fact that I'm, that I have this power and authority.

773
01:03:56.040 --> 01:03:58.320
And I just simply come out of agreement with all these things.

774
01:03:59.080 --> 01:04:00.280
I say that it's not right.

775
01:04:00.920 --> 01:04:02.080
You know, I say that I don't want it.

776
01:04:02.560 --> 01:04:05.400
I say that I don't give it the authority to touch me anymore,

777
01:04:05.400 --> 01:04:08.000
to be connected with me, to be afraid.

778
01:04:08.000 --> 01:04:09.360
I'm going to go about my own business.

779
01:04:09.360 --> 01:04:11.880
I'm going to do my own thing because Lord, you're the one who

780
01:04:11.880 --> 01:04:13.520
said all of these things are true.

781
01:04:14.280 --> 01:04:17.480
And then now Lord, another thing that I want to receive, not just the power

782
01:04:17.480 --> 01:04:20.680
and the authority that you've given me to not be connected with these things

783
01:04:20.680 --> 01:04:25.200
anymore, if I don't want to be, but also Lord, you know, I receive your

784
01:04:25.200 --> 01:04:30.320
healing because I'm hurt and my friends aren't giving me what, and

785
01:04:30.440 --> 01:04:32.080
family aren't giving me what I need.

786
01:04:32.400 --> 01:04:34.120
I'm just tired and exhausted.

787
01:04:34.520 --> 01:04:35.840
You know, I don't know.

788
01:04:36.360 --> 01:04:41.000
Part of my weariness Lord is just the unknown of being in a very vulnerable

789
01:04:41.040 --> 01:04:42.960
situation that I've never been in before.

790
01:04:42.960 --> 01:04:44.120
And I don't know what to do.

791
01:04:44.720 --> 01:04:46.160
How on earth am I supposed to feel?

792
01:04:46.200 --> 01:04:47.520
Where am I supposed to go for help?

793
01:04:47.520 --> 01:04:52.120
How am I supposed to navigate through all of the confusion and all of the

794
01:04:52.160 --> 01:04:54.720
unknowns and, you know, and is this okay?

795
01:04:54.720 --> 01:04:55.320
Is this not okay?

796
01:04:55.320 --> 01:04:59.800
You know, Lori, it's just, it's just a lot, you know, and so you can receive.

797
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.680
You can choose, you know, Lord, I receive your healing for all of those things.

798
01:05:04.680 --> 01:05:08.080
And I ask that you heal me so that I don't have to, so I don't

799
01:05:08.080 --> 01:05:09.960
think I have to just try harder.

800
01:05:10.360 --> 01:05:11.400
I have to do more.

801
01:05:11.440 --> 01:05:15.680
I have to learn more after whatever I just asked that you, you know, that

802
01:05:15.680 --> 01:05:17.680
you heal me and then allow yourself.

803
01:05:18.400 --> 01:05:23.920
To time to heal and come into agreement with the fact that the Lord is healing

804
01:05:23.920 --> 01:05:28.000
you, even when you're still hurting, or you still find yourself in moments

805
01:05:28.000 --> 01:05:32.720
where you're confused or you're frustrated, or like I said, you're in pain.

806
01:05:33.000 --> 01:05:36.840
You know, you're hurting as opposed to thinking, Oh, see, God's not healing

807
01:05:36.840 --> 01:05:38.640
me, or he hasn't killed me enough.

808
01:05:38.680 --> 01:05:42.360
You see it, all of the negativity, all of the denial, all the resistance.

809
01:05:42.680 --> 01:05:44.080
Don't do that instead.

810
01:05:44.080 --> 01:05:46.560
And all those moments saying, thank you, God, that you're healing me.

811
01:05:46.560 --> 01:05:48.440
Thank you that I'm just going through this process.

812
01:05:48.720 --> 01:05:50.080
And I understand it's taking time.

813
01:05:50.120 --> 01:05:51.520
I really didn't want it to take time.

814
01:05:52.040 --> 01:05:56.440
I wanted it to be faster than this, but Lord, all of these things, the fact

815
01:05:56.440 --> 01:06:00.920
that I still sometimes experience pain or confusion where an image comes to

816
01:06:00.920 --> 01:06:05.440
mind, doesn't mean that you're not healing me and you're not answering my prayer.

817
01:06:05.480 --> 01:06:06.320
I'm receiving.

818
01:06:06.320 --> 01:06:09.880
And I, and I choose that even in these moments, you're still healing me.

819
01:06:09.880 --> 01:06:10.840
And I thank you for that.

820
01:06:10.840 --> 01:06:14.080
And I ask you that you just continue to work on me and make it quicker.

821
01:06:14.720 --> 01:06:16.120
You know, you know, et cetera.

822
01:06:16.120 --> 01:06:20.080
So you always stay in agreement with God, even if you're confused, you

823
01:06:20.080 --> 01:06:21.440
can talk to him about the confusion.

824
01:06:21.440 --> 01:06:22.640
You can talk to him about the doubt.

825
01:06:22.640 --> 01:06:24.200
You can talk to him about the struggle.

826
01:06:24.640 --> 01:06:27.320
But don't be an accusation against the Lord.

827
01:06:27.400 --> 01:06:28.600
Why aren't you healing me?

828
01:06:28.600 --> 01:06:29.360
Why aren't you?

829
01:06:29.360 --> 01:06:31.240
But just always stay into agreement.

830
01:06:31.480 --> 01:06:32.240
Always stay in agreement.

831
01:06:32.240 --> 01:06:33.880
Okay, Lord, I understand this takes time.

832
01:06:33.880 --> 01:06:36.920
I really didn't want this and I don't understand why and I'm struggling.

833
01:06:38.240 --> 01:06:39.840
You know, that that's all okay.

834
01:06:40.280 --> 01:06:43.400
But just always be like, okay, God, but I'm still choosing your good.

835
01:06:43.400 --> 01:06:45.680
I'm choosing, you're still, you're still healing me.

836
01:06:46.000 --> 01:06:48.360
We're still making, I'm choosing, we're still making progress.

837
01:06:48.360 --> 01:06:49.560
I'm having a hard time seeing it.

838
01:06:49.560 --> 01:06:51.000
So please give me some encouragement.

839
01:06:51.000 --> 01:06:51.960
Give me some motivation.

840
01:06:51.960 --> 01:06:53.840
Give me, show me where this is.

841
01:06:54.480 --> 01:06:55.120
Et cetera.

842
01:06:55.680 --> 01:07:01.640
And allow you and just know that yes, the amount it taking time is normal.

843
01:07:02.360 --> 01:07:05.800
All those things that people are saying, and those things that you were asking,

844
01:07:05.800 --> 01:07:08.760
well, what if what I'm experiencing is normal, everything

845
01:07:08.760 --> 01:07:10.400
you're experiencing is normal.

846
01:07:11.000 --> 01:07:15.280
We just want you, you, we just need to learn from the Lord that we can

847
01:07:15.280 --> 01:07:21.720
have freedom while we're going through the healing process while it's taking

848
01:07:21.720 --> 01:07:27.960
time, while it's whatever that, um, so we are still human, Jesus was human.

849
01:07:27.960 --> 01:07:31.000
So he experienced things and we think that he didn't experience being

850
01:07:31.000 --> 01:07:32.600
human just because of this God.

851
01:07:32.600 --> 01:07:34.640
And he did, and he experienced all the pain.

852
01:07:34.640 --> 01:07:35.720
He experienced betrayal.

853
01:07:35.720 --> 01:07:37.120
He experienced exhaustion.

854
01:07:37.800 --> 01:07:41.360
You know, he experienced all of that stuff because he had to, in order

855
01:07:41.360 --> 01:07:45.160
to overcome it, because he had to overcome the flesh for us so that we

856
01:07:45.160 --> 01:07:50.000
could, um, so it would no longer have victory over us, over us, but he had

857
01:07:50.040 --> 01:07:53.360
to go through it in order to prove that he could overcome it.

858
01:07:53.680 --> 01:07:55.000
He can't overcome it.

859
01:07:55.000 --> 01:07:57.800
If he avoids it, he could only overcome it.

860
01:07:57.800 --> 01:08:00.680
If he experienced it, if he experienced all the things you're talking

861
01:08:00.680 --> 01:08:03.440
about, all of the struggles, all the questions, all the doubts, you know,

862
01:08:03.440 --> 01:08:12.920
whatever, anyway, so is that, as I answer some questions, you can do all

863
01:08:12.920 --> 01:08:16.200
the normal, you know, all of the other things that continuing to go to the

864
01:08:16.200 --> 01:08:20.600
crisis center, talking to them about stuff and asking them, okay, well,

865
01:08:20.600 --> 01:08:25.200
psychologically, you know, can you give me any tips, you know, how can I, how

866
01:08:25.200 --> 01:08:28.640
can I think about these things or what do I do when a fear comes up or what

867
01:08:28.640 --> 01:08:32.880
do I do in this, whatever, because those are normal laws of psychology and,

868
01:08:33.240 --> 01:08:37.240
and God can, you know, you can use all of those things, you know?

869
01:08:37.319 --> 01:08:40.319
Um, so anyway, what about that?

870
01:08:40.479 --> 01:08:41.240
What about this?

871
01:08:41.279 --> 01:08:42.960
Um, yeah, I agree.

872
01:08:42.960 --> 01:08:44.000
I think it's really good.

873
01:08:45.000 --> 01:08:48.399
And just, um, but I'm just thinking, what about this, this

874
01:08:48.399 --> 01:08:50.600
flame and my closest ones?

875
01:08:51.680 --> 01:08:52.080
Oh yeah.

876
01:08:52.080 --> 01:08:53.560
I was going to mention that one as well.

877
01:08:53.560 --> 01:08:56.560
So for the, um, but yeah, but yeah, it makes sense.

878
01:08:56.560 --> 01:09:00.720
The thing that you'd said, it makes sense, like cutting of soul ties and I've done

879
01:09:00.720 --> 01:09:03.880
that before and just like, yeah, it makes sense.

880
01:09:03.880 --> 01:09:04.279
Yeah.

881
01:09:04.359 --> 01:09:04.840
Yeah.

882
01:09:05.160 --> 01:09:09.560
And, um, because in other words, you're feeling some kind of a connection with

883
01:09:10.319 --> 01:09:15.160
them because there's this feeling of violation and, um, and, uh, what is that

884
01:09:15.160 --> 01:09:15.479
called?

885
01:09:16.640 --> 01:09:22.000
It starts with I, um, uh, you used it earlier when you were telling me this

886
01:09:22.000 --> 01:09:28.560
story, invasion, it's like this, this thing invaded your life and invaded your

887
01:09:28.560 --> 01:09:31.479
psyche and invaded your emotions and you didn't give it permission to do it.

888
01:09:31.479 --> 01:09:33.160
You just forced it on you, you know?

889
01:09:33.640 --> 01:09:38.720
And, um, uh, so anyway, what was this thing about all that?

890
01:09:39.080 --> 01:09:43.840
Oh, that that's why, uh, you can, you can, because you're still having those

891
01:09:43.840 --> 01:09:48.240
feelings, it shows there's still some kind of a connection, which is why people

892
01:09:48.240 --> 01:09:52.359
talk about the fact that until we forgive, we were still connected to them.

893
01:09:52.960 --> 01:09:55.160
And that it's just embittering us.

894
01:09:55.160 --> 01:09:56.760
You know, it's the same kind of a thing.

895
01:09:56.760 --> 01:09:58.560
It's like, you're still feeling the results.

896
01:09:58.560 --> 01:09:58.800
Why?

897
01:09:58.800 --> 01:09:59.880
Because there's some kind of.

898
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.320
connection that was forced. So you intentionally say, no, you're not allowed to do that.

899
01:10:04.320 --> 01:10:08.080
You know, I break off the connection that, you know, it's like, no, I don't give you permission.

900
01:10:08.080 --> 01:10:12.880
It's like somebody, it's like a ship coming really close to another ship and trying to throw an

901
01:10:12.880 --> 01:10:17.600
anchor over and latching onto the other ship. Well, the other ship, if you're the other ship,

902
01:10:17.600 --> 01:10:20.880
you're like, Hey, look, I didn't give you permission to do it. But regardless of whether

903
01:10:20.880 --> 01:10:27.200
you gave them permission, their anchor is now hooked to yours. And they're like, they're like,

904
01:10:27.200 --> 01:10:31.200
if their life is now affecting yours. So what do you do? You go over and like,

905
01:10:31.200 --> 01:10:37.360
no, and you pull the anchor off and you throw it back. So that's kind of what it's like.

906
01:10:38.640 --> 01:10:43.440
But yeah, as far as the whole blame thing, you know, for your family and all of that,

907
01:10:44.480 --> 01:10:49.280
one of the things that helped me is to realize a few things. First of all, this is what I always

908
01:10:49.280 --> 01:10:54.480
start with. And what I've helped walked other people through some similar stuff, meaning like

909
01:10:54.480 --> 01:11:01.120
blaming other people for, for stuff. This has helped them as well. Is that the, where I start

910
01:11:01.120 --> 01:11:07.280
is to realize, and it's a huge is, where does it sound? It's a huge relief to come to this

911
01:11:07.280 --> 01:11:14.720
realization. They can't give you what you're asking them for. Not because there are those

912
01:11:14.720 --> 01:11:18.880
particular people, but if it was other people, they could give it to you. No, no one can give

913
01:11:18.880 --> 01:11:26.080
you what it is that you really are needing. So, so in other words, you're, you're not missing out

914
01:11:26.080 --> 01:11:31.360
on something. You're not missing something that you could have if they interacted with you

915
01:11:31.360 --> 01:11:37.360
different. So you can't. So the thing is you're not missing out on anything because they're not

916
01:11:37.360 --> 01:11:44.320
choosing to give it to you. You, you just can only get that from the Lord. However, what you can get

917
01:11:44.320 --> 01:11:50.320
from other people is again, once you're in that place of rest, okay, not putting my need and not

918
01:11:50.320 --> 01:11:56.160
pulling on my need from other people, but just, just choosing, okay, the Lord will provide me

919
01:11:56.160 --> 01:12:00.240
all of those things. So provide me that emotional protection and provision and

920
01:12:00.240 --> 01:12:05.040
know all that safety and all of that. So now what about my interaction with other people?

921
01:12:05.760 --> 01:12:11.520
What you're needing is realize what can they give you? What did God put them in your life to give

922
01:12:11.520 --> 01:12:19.840
you as human beings that you can get from them or things like just support. They can't, they can't

923
01:12:19.840 --> 01:12:24.800
change your situation. They can't fix you. They can't make you feel better. They can't change

924
01:12:24.800 --> 01:12:31.440
what all is going on with you, but they can be like, Hey, look, I just kind of need to know that

925
01:12:31.440 --> 01:12:36.480
I'm being remembered or to kind of like be around people or to just feel like, you know, I felt

926
01:12:36.480 --> 01:12:43.600
violated. So if, if someone could be like, could give something to me, like where I didn't have to

927
01:12:43.600 --> 01:12:49.200
do anything for it. And what I received from some, see, I received something bad from this person,

928
01:12:49.200 --> 01:12:53.280
but if I could receive something good, it would remind me and help me to kind of remember,

929
01:12:53.280 --> 01:12:58.320
remind myself, Oh, that's right. I'm worthy of receiving good things like a phone call,

930
01:12:58.320 --> 01:13:03.840
or that they don't. A lot of people, especially when something really bad has happened that they've

931
01:13:03.840 --> 01:13:10.480
never experienced, they freeze and they don't know what to do. So they avoid it. So that's part

932
01:13:10.480 --> 01:13:14.960
of what I think might be going on. Like for instance, if someone else, if someone has died and

933
01:13:16.240 --> 01:13:23.600
you know, in someone else's life, you don't know what to say and you don't know what to do.

934
01:13:23.600 --> 01:13:27.600
And so sometimes we just avoid those people and you're like, Oh, I'm so sorry. They're going

935
01:13:27.600 --> 01:13:33.760
through something very difficult. But when you hear from those people that have had a death in

936
01:13:33.760 --> 01:13:38.320
the family or whatever, or I don't remember something else that the bad happens, they

937
01:13:38.320 --> 01:13:45.760
always talk about the fact that there are things that they do need that people aren't giving them

938
01:13:45.760 --> 01:13:51.120
because everyone's trying to avoid them because they feel insecure about not knowing what to say

939
01:13:51.120 --> 01:13:57.200
or do. So that's probably partly what they're experiencing is they don't know what it's like

940
01:13:57.200 --> 01:14:01.280
to go through. And so therefore they don't, they're freezing and they don't know what to do.

941
01:14:01.280 --> 01:14:06.000
They might be discrediting it because they don't, because again, they haven't gone through it. They

942
01:14:06.000 --> 01:14:14.160
don't realize how, how challenging it is. And they've got no ability to relate. And therefore

943
01:14:14.160 --> 01:14:18.640
they were never taught in school or by or in church or wherever. How do you deal with a

944
01:14:18.640 --> 01:14:22.560
situation like this? It's like all of a sudden they were thrown in this situation. They're like,

945
01:14:22.560 --> 01:14:26.480
I don't know what to do. So I'm just going to avoid it and get busy in my own life.

946
01:14:27.120 --> 01:14:31.200
You know, it's not that they don't love you. They don't know how to handle the situation.

947
01:14:31.200 --> 01:14:35.200
It might make them uncomfortable. They might feel like they're going to say something that's going

948
01:14:35.200 --> 01:14:39.840
to make you cry, you know, and then they're not going to know how to handle it. You know,

949
01:14:40.400 --> 01:14:46.720
who does, but if you tell them very specifically, Hey, I was wondering, I'm really struggling. I

950
01:14:46.720 --> 01:14:51.280
can really use some friends. Would you, would you call me this week? You know, just as the

951
01:14:51.440 --> 01:14:56.400
prize sometime this week, or, you know, or if we need to schedule it, we could schedule it. Or

952
01:14:56.400 --> 01:14:59.840
would you, would you come by it's really hard being in your.

953
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:07.520
position where you have to ask, but it is an act of faith that you're worth it to the Lord.

954
01:15:07.520 --> 01:15:13.520
So you think about all of these things of like, how do we act in rest? What are some things when

955
01:15:13.520 --> 01:15:19.840
God says to believe in about something and we actually have to act on that? What is one of

956
01:15:19.840 --> 01:15:25.360
those actions look like? How do you act on the fact that God says he's good or that God says

957
01:15:25.360 --> 01:15:31.600
that I'm important? You know, what is an action? This is an example of an action is to,

958
01:15:32.640 --> 01:15:37.920
to believe that you are, is to choose that, that if God says that you're that valuable,

959
01:15:38.640 --> 01:15:47.360
then you are worth at telling someone that you, you know, could use some help and asking them

960
01:15:47.360 --> 01:15:53.360
if you, if they would offer you and give you help, if they would do something, if they would

961
01:15:53.360 --> 01:15:59.200
exert themselves and give something to you, when you're not giving something back.

962
01:15:59.200 --> 01:16:03.360
And technically you are giving something back. And the fact that, you know, when they call you,

963
01:16:03.360 --> 01:16:06.800
well, you're going to be talking and of course they're friends with you. And so you're going

964
01:16:06.800 --> 01:16:10.960
to be pouring into them, just like you're pouring into it. They're pouring into you

965
01:16:10.960 --> 01:16:14.320
just because you're you, they like being with your spirit. They like being with you. So,

966
01:16:14.880 --> 01:16:22.880
so technically you're giving back to them, but for the case in point, you don't want to ask

967
01:16:22.880 --> 01:16:30.160
someone because you feel like you're not deserving of someone else doing something

968
01:16:30.160 --> 01:16:37.040
nice for you. You know that, and we just want someone to just do it without me, without us

969
01:16:37.040 --> 01:16:43.760
asking. So, or we're also afraid of them saying no, that for me, it's a really big thing. I'm

970
01:16:43.760 --> 01:16:47.760
very much afraid of them saying, Oh, I'm afraid of people saying no, and proving to me that all

971
01:16:47.760 --> 01:16:53.760
my words say, I am a burden, you know, or, and then I'm afraid of being a burden, you know,

972
01:16:53.760 --> 01:17:00.960
but I've learned that. Yeah. But actually that's not faith. That's actually believing all of all

973
01:17:00.960 --> 01:17:06.240
of these things about yourself that God said, isn't true. That's not acting on who God told

974
01:17:06.240 --> 01:17:13.680
you that you, that is true about you. So you now, or if you say that this is how God says that you

975
01:17:13.680 --> 01:17:20.560
are, you have to start acting like that. And so what would you do? So it is, so if, if, if it feels

976
01:17:20.560 --> 01:17:27.040
hard, it's because it's an active faith on that blaming thing, is that like an issue coming up?

977
01:17:27.040 --> 01:17:32.480
Or is it just like a natural reaction when, when friends aren't there for you? Because I'm like,

978
01:17:32.480 --> 01:17:40.400
well, for one thing, yeah, well, for being hurt, that's natural. That is absolutely natural. And

979
01:17:40.400 --> 01:17:47.120
there's nothing wrong with being hurt when, uh, when something like that happens, because it means

980
01:17:47.120 --> 01:17:54.400
you have a, uh, have a connection. And it means that there's a, I don't know, just how would you

981
01:17:54.400 --> 01:18:01.760
put it? It's more than expectation. It's just that, you know, you, um, you, you have, you,

982
01:18:01.760 --> 01:18:10.480
you've opened yourself up to be vulnerable to someone. And you, you feel you received something

983
01:18:10.480 --> 01:18:16.640
that they did or didn't do as a violation of the trust. Now, it doesn't mean that they,

984
01:18:16.640 --> 01:18:21.600
that they really did do it, or they really did mean it like that, but that's what, how you

985
01:18:21.600 --> 01:18:26.960
interpreted it. So you got hurt. And sometimes sure people really are doing that. And other times

986
01:18:26.960 --> 01:18:33.600
they're not, or they didn't mean to do it or whatever, but regardless, you were expecting it.

987
01:18:34.400 --> 01:18:39.520
It was that trade there. You put that trust out that they were going to be there. They weren't

988
01:18:39.520 --> 01:18:44.080
there. So therefore they violated that trust. And therefore you're hurt. So that's all part

989
01:18:44.080 --> 01:18:52.160
natural and normal hurt is a natural response to feeling vile, a violation of trust, but,

990
01:18:52.800 --> 01:18:58.240
um, it, so, so there, there's that. So that, that's normal. The whole blaming other people,

991
01:18:59.120 --> 01:19:06.640
um, for things, two things, one, they may just, if, uh, they're basically just telling you sometimes,

992
01:19:06.640 --> 01:19:11.680
you know, what they're not willing to do or what they don't feel capable of doing

993
01:19:12.240 --> 01:19:18.640
in their particular season or whatever. So that could be what's going on. And so sometimes we

994
01:19:18.800 --> 01:19:27.440
can blame people. And the reason I thought of that was, uh, how would you put that? Sometimes

995
01:19:27.440 --> 01:19:36.480
people do do bad things to us. They do sin against us is my point. And sure they shouldn't do that.

996
01:19:36.480 --> 01:19:45.440
Right. But then there are other, but, um, the whole blaming thing is I always feel comes from

997
01:19:45.440 --> 01:19:55.600
when we are looking for someone to fulfill a need. And then that just lets me know that I have

998
01:19:55.600 --> 01:19:59.440
put my supply of a need in an area that.

999
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:05.600
God doesn't want me to, and he wants me to put that on him. So, because otherwise I always

1000
01:20:05.600 --> 01:20:11.120
think that there's this, um, there's this, this way, uh, it here's, here's my point.

1001
01:20:11.840 --> 01:20:15.840
I'm sorry that I'm having a difficult time explaining this. I know not explaining it well,

1002
01:20:15.840 --> 01:20:21.360
but this idea of blame comes from a sense of like judging someone and casting punishment on them.

1003
01:20:22.240 --> 01:20:27.760
It's like, it's like, there's this thing called blame. It's very heavy and someone needs to own

1004
01:20:27.760 --> 01:20:33.520
it. It has, I have, I'm holding it and it's got to go somewhere. So either it's with me or it's

1005
01:20:33.520 --> 01:20:39.600
with you and it's not me. So therefore, you know, we keep thinking that's what we think of as blame

1006
01:20:39.600 --> 01:20:45.840
is like, and what, but how is this, this weighty thing called blame created? It's created from

1007
01:20:45.840 --> 01:20:53.280
making a judgment and a decision, a judgment about what's right and what's wrong. And I'm

1008
01:20:53.280 --> 01:21:01.040
holding someone responsible for it. And sometimes it's, it's, um, are they responsible

1009
01:21:01.040 --> 01:21:09.280
for meeting that need for you? No, God didn't equip them to. So there's no need to blame them

1010
01:21:09.280 --> 01:21:17.280
for something that they weren't required to give you. But there are things because that's not,

1011
01:21:17.840 --> 01:21:22.480
God didn't equip a human being, even you. God didn't equip anybody to be able to, to

1012
01:21:23.120 --> 01:21:29.920
pull from them the things that you're needing. Only God can do that. So, but God did create

1013
01:21:29.920 --> 01:21:34.960
human beings to do certain things. So what are those things? It's to support one another. It's

1014
01:21:34.960 --> 01:21:40.080
to be around one another. It's to give one another their, their presence. It's to, you know,

1015
01:21:40.080 --> 01:21:44.480
just be with you while you're going through something hard. That is something that they

1016
01:21:44.480 --> 01:21:50.080
can give. And that's what you can then, that's what you can ask for are all of those things.

1017
01:21:50.880 --> 01:21:55.920
But none of those things you notice, um, have anything to do with sin or not sin,

1018
01:21:55.920 --> 01:22:02.640
things like support, presence, whatever, that are just kind of like, does that make sense?

1019
01:22:02.640 --> 01:22:09.680
I am sure that at other times I've experienced that. I know, I know people love me. I think

1020
01:22:09.680 --> 01:22:17.600
they love me. I think they want to support me. And, uh, I think, yeah, but maybe they don't know

1021
01:22:17.600 --> 01:22:24.400
how, and I maybe also, I am asking something from them that God needs to give me.

1022
01:22:25.520 --> 01:22:29.200
True. And also love sometimes isn't the only thing that's needed.

1023
01:22:30.800 --> 01:22:35.360
So it's great that they love you, but you're finding that it's not always enough.

1024
01:22:36.320 --> 01:22:41.040
In other words, love is a wonderful thing, but sometimes you're needing something different,

1025
01:22:41.040 --> 01:22:46.880
meaning like, you know, Hey, look, can you give me like support? Can you give me your time?

1026
01:22:47.600 --> 01:22:52.880
Can you do something for me? So I don't have to do it. Can you just give me a bit of,

1027
01:22:52.880 --> 01:22:56.560
of relief of something that I'm carrying? Can you carry it for a second?

1028
01:22:57.280 --> 01:23:01.680
Can you, you know, I don't know, give me a relief and reprieve from it,

1029
01:23:02.080 --> 01:23:05.760
from having to think about it for a bit, you know, by us talking about

1030
01:23:05.760 --> 01:23:12.720
like something else or go shopping with me or, you know, whatever it's anyway.

1031
01:23:12.720 --> 01:23:21.600
So is that none of that is meant in any way to judge you or blame you or blaming other people

1032
01:23:21.600 --> 01:23:28.240
or to feel bad or like, I don't feel judged now. Okay, good. And then also I don't ever want you

1033
01:23:28.240 --> 01:23:34.480
to feel heavy, like, like, okay, I really was needing it from other people. Oh, I worry. Do you

1034
01:23:34.480 --> 01:23:40.320
mean I have to get it from God? You know, cause that can feel, it can feel hard for us and feel

1035
01:23:40.320 --> 01:23:47.200
like, yeah, but how do I do that? Because we can't see God. So we can really, really struggle. So I

1036
01:23:47.200 --> 01:23:52.160
don't mean it like that. I don't need to give this cliche answer of like, well, you just need to get

1037
01:23:52.160 --> 01:23:57.600
it from God. I think that we've had enough conversations where you've learned how to

1038
01:23:57.600 --> 01:24:03.600
actually get something that you really need from a God you can't see. So that's why I'm having,

1039
01:24:03.600 --> 01:24:07.360
that's why I'm talking the way that I am right now is because we've had enough conversations

1040
01:24:07.360 --> 01:24:11.920
for me to not have to explain everything, you know, for you to understand what I'm saying.

1041
01:24:13.040 --> 01:24:21.120
Feel heavy about it. Okay. Okay. Cause, and anyway, I know that even as much as God has taught me

1042
01:24:21.120 --> 01:24:26.240
and as much as I walk through, there are some times where I'm just like, I really don't want

1043
01:24:26.240 --> 01:24:31.360
to hear that someone can't give me something and they need to get it from God. And so I didn't want

1044
01:24:31.360 --> 01:24:38.400
that to feel weighty to you or whatever, but when I finally get it, when I finally get in those

1045
01:24:38.400 --> 01:24:43.920
difficult situations, I finally get that truth. I'm like, oh, well, this is, this is easy. And I

1046
01:24:43.920 --> 01:24:50.800
actually feel relieved because I can get it from the Lord and I can no longer feel like I'm missing

1047
01:24:50.880 --> 01:24:57.840
out because so-and-so isn't doing something, you know? And so, but sometimes the initial

1048
01:24:57.840 --> 01:24:59.840
hearing of it can kind of make me feel like I've

1049
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:04.200
when I kind of slapped, when I'm down, you know, knocked down when I'm already

1050
01:25:04.200 --> 01:25:06.160
down, you know, I'm like, that's just not helpful.

1051
01:25:07.240 --> 01:25:12.000
And I don't ever want to put another person in that position, but it's, but I,

1052
01:25:12.020 --> 01:25:17.080
so if you feel that way, you know, I know exactly how you feel, but when you're

1053
01:25:17.080 --> 01:25:21.040
no, but I do know that when I've been in this, when I really, really realize,

1054
01:25:21.400 --> 01:25:25.000
okay, what, what is that truth again, that only God can give me that.

1055
01:25:25.000 --> 01:25:27.360
And these people actually literally can't give it to me.

1056
01:25:27.360 --> 01:25:29.120
It's not that they have it and they're denying me.

1057
01:25:29.400 --> 01:25:34.040
They literally, God didn't equip them to either have, ever even have access to

1058
01:25:34.040 --> 01:25:35.920
it, to be able to provide that for me.

1059
01:25:35.920 --> 01:25:37.080
So therefore.

1060
01:25:37.680 --> 01:25:39.200
Oh, well, that just kind of makes it easier.

1061
01:25:39.240 --> 01:25:39.600
Okay.

1062
01:25:39.600 --> 01:25:41.120
So I'm not missing out on it.

1063
01:25:41.240 --> 01:25:42.880
And God says, he'll always give it to me.

1064
01:25:42.880 --> 01:25:46.720
So I have access to it immediately and I'm not missing out on it over here.

1065
01:25:46.720 --> 01:25:51.520
So when else is it, so-and-so isn't denying me my right, you know, I'm

1066
01:25:51.520 --> 01:25:56.200
like, oh, okay, well, and then, and then I actually get, get relief

1067
01:25:56.200 --> 01:25:57.240
and I get healing from it.

1068
01:25:57.240 --> 01:26:02.840
So anyway, so should I answer all of your, all of your questions?

1069
01:26:02.840 --> 01:26:08.480
Do you feel like you've got some stuff to get some relief from the Lord through or.

1070
01:26:09.800 --> 01:26:10.680
That sounds good.

1071
01:26:10.680 --> 01:26:15.120
I like, I feel like I can breathe more easily now and just, I don't know.

1072
01:26:15.200 --> 01:26:15.600
Yeah.

1073
01:26:16.520 --> 01:26:17.680
That was really, really good.

1074
01:26:18.080 --> 01:26:20.600
I think I need to process it and listen to it again.

1075
01:26:21.000 --> 01:26:24.920
And yeah, but, but I could take in quite a bit of what you said, I think.

1076
01:26:25.640 --> 01:26:29.320
I was like, oh, and I think I actually know a little bit what I need

1077
01:26:29.320 --> 01:26:31.920
to do in some of the things.

1078
01:26:32.080 --> 01:26:32.480
Yeah.

1079
01:26:33.920 --> 01:26:41.800
And remember that, um, two things that I recommend that you remember one, um, God

1080
01:26:41.800 --> 01:26:44.400
loves it when we own our decision.

1081
01:26:44.960 --> 01:26:49.080
And, um, as a friend of mine puts it, you know, we make strong decisions.

1082
01:26:49.880 --> 01:26:52.840
This side, you know, this is, no, one's making me do this.

1083
01:26:52.880 --> 01:26:54.080
God, isn't making me do it.

1084
01:26:54.080 --> 01:26:55.440
I'm like, okay, God, I'll obey you.

1085
01:26:55.440 --> 01:26:56.840
And I'll do what you want me to do.

1086
01:26:57.240 --> 01:26:58.680
No, it's your decision.

1087
01:26:59.240 --> 01:27:02.960
You might make it because God you found out that that's what God wanted you to

1088
01:27:02.960 --> 01:27:05.680
do, but make it your decision.

1089
01:27:05.760 --> 01:27:07.600
You know, God can't be blamed for it.

1090
01:27:07.600 --> 01:27:11.000
If it goes, if, if something happens that you didn't want to happen,

1091
01:27:11.400 --> 01:27:13.120
God loves strong decisions.

1092
01:27:13.120 --> 01:27:15.040
God's like, I can work with a strong decision.

1093
01:27:15.040 --> 01:27:16.520
I can't work with the jellyfish.

1094
01:27:16.560 --> 01:27:19.040
You know, it's like, I can work with a strong decision.

1095
01:27:19.320 --> 01:27:20.120
He likes that.

1096
01:27:20.160 --> 01:27:25.160
And, um, and also, uh, a really huge thing that will bring a

1097
01:27:25.160 --> 01:27:26.880
surprising amount of healing.

1098
01:27:27.200 --> 01:27:31.920
It will allow you to heal faster and it will bring, um, a tremendous amount of

1099
01:27:31.920 --> 01:27:37.880
like, uh, like relief, um, and some aspect of immediate healing, and that is to

1100
01:27:37.880 --> 01:27:44.520
truly acknowledge that what happened to you was as bad as it was, um, part of the

1101
01:27:44.520 --> 01:27:50.320
battle that I've found that we've, that we have, that I've noticed in myself and

1102
01:27:50.320 --> 01:27:56.800
other people, if part of the struggle is that makes the pain and the, like I said,

1103
01:27:56.800 --> 01:28:02.960
the struggle so difficult is the fact that we keep fighting the reality and

1104
01:28:02.960 --> 01:28:05.080
keep telling ourselves, I should feel different.

1105
01:28:05.480 --> 01:28:06.880
I shouldn't feel this bad.

1106
01:28:07.040 --> 01:28:08.240
It shouldn't hurt this bad.

1107
01:28:08.240 --> 01:28:09.000
It shouldn't go.

1108
01:28:09.320 --> 01:28:12.320
It shouldn't, I shouldn't be processing it like this.

1109
01:28:12.680 --> 01:28:16.360
It shouldn't go up one minute and down the next.

1110
01:28:16.360 --> 01:28:18.040
It, it shouldn't work like this.

1111
01:28:18.080 --> 01:28:22.680
It shouldn't, you know, whatever, or, you know, oh, I'm just, or, or we'll

1112
01:28:22.680 --> 01:28:27.600
deny our, how we feel and say, well, I shouldn't feel like that.

1113
01:28:28.040 --> 01:28:29.560
That's not reality.

1114
01:28:29.920 --> 01:28:34.120
I think I'm just like being a baby or I think I'm being weak or I can't

1115
01:28:34.120 --> 01:28:34.960
believe, you know, whatever.

1116
01:28:35.080 --> 01:28:36.360
There's all this denial.

1117
01:28:36.360 --> 01:28:38.200
Remember all of that is resistance.

1118
01:28:39.760 --> 01:28:41.880
So shift and choose rest instead.

1119
01:28:41.880 --> 01:28:45.120
Remember when we're not in rest, we're in an active state of resistance.

1120
01:28:45.120 --> 01:28:48.960
So if you're not in rest towards something specific, you're

1121
01:28:48.960 --> 01:28:50.960
an act, you're actively resisting it.

1122
01:28:51.440 --> 01:28:58.640
And so God, God can't move when we're resisting when there's certain aspects.

1123
01:28:58.640 --> 01:29:02.800
So just accept the fact and acknowledge the fact that it really was that bad.

1124
01:29:03.200 --> 01:29:06.640
And that your emotions, the emotions that God gave you and how he created

1125
01:29:06.640 --> 01:29:08.240
your body and your soul to work.

1126
01:29:08.480 --> 01:29:11.440
They are trying to tell you God's truth.

1127
01:29:11.800 --> 01:29:16.520
They're trying to give you an accurate temperature reading of reality.

1128
01:29:17.320 --> 01:29:19.880
So listen to it and just realize it.

1129
01:29:20.360 --> 01:29:21.480
You don't have to feed it.

1130
01:29:21.800 --> 01:29:23.560
You don't have to be subject to it.

1131
01:29:23.560 --> 01:29:24.960
You don't have to be victim to it.

1132
01:29:24.960 --> 01:29:26.560
You don't have to be driven by it.

1133
01:29:27.040 --> 01:29:30.080
All you're doing is you are realizing, oh, okay.

1134
01:29:30.480 --> 01:29:32.640
So I'm accepting the fact that it really is that bad.

1135
01:29:33.400 --> 01:29:33.640
Okay.

1136
01:29:33.640 --> 01:29:36.240
Now that it really is that bad, this is how I'm going to deal with it.

1137
01:29:36.560 --> 01:29:37.760
I don't want to live with it anymore.

1138
01:29:37.760 --> 01:29:38.800
And I don't want to live like this.

1139
01:29:38.840 --> 01:29:44.200
And those are that, but allow it to be what it is instead of

1140
01:29:44.240 --> 01:29:46.080
denying that it is what it is.

1141
01:29:47.040 --> 01:29:48.600
And so thinking, oh, it shouldn't be like this.

1142
01:29:48.640 --> 01:29:49.600
It probably isn't.

1143
01:29:49.640 --> 01:29:50.960
I'm probably making it out worse.

1144
01:29:51.600 --> 01:29:54.760
No, but this is, this is the current situation.

1145
01:29:54.840 --> 01:29:55.880
This is how I'm feeling.

1146
01:29:56.280 --> 01:29:59.160
This is how, this is the degree to which I'm feeling it.

1147
01:29:59.160 --> 01:29:59.960
These are the types.

1148
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:03.520
things I'm feeling, I don't mean you have to name all these things for yourself.

1149
01:30:03.520 --> 01:30:08.120
I'm just saying, whatever's in you, except the fact that, oh, it was that

1150
01:30:08.120 --> 01:30:15.000
damaging, it was that awful, you know, uh, that will help you heal faster.

1151
01:30:15.460 --> 01:30:19.260
Um, and it will bring relief because you stop fighting yourself and you

1152
01:30:19.260 --> 01:30:23.280
stop being your own worst enemy, because otherwise it's kind of like you, your

1153
01:30:23.280 --> 01:30:27.260
soul going to your spirit is if your spirit's a judge or whatever, and your

1154
01:30:27.260 --> 01:30:31.320
soul going to your spirit and just say, it's just like, say, for instance,

1155
01:30:31.320 --> 01:30:35.600
your, uh, your, uh, I don't know, say your, remember how I always think of,

1156
01:30:35.600 --> 01:30:39.640
you know, your, your soul is like a child and it's like your soul going

1157
01:30:39.640 --> 01:30:44.000
to its spirit, the parent, you know, a child going to its father and saying,

1158
01:30:44.120 --> 01:30:46.680
dad, it was horrible that it was this bad.

1159
01:30:46.680 --> 01:30:49.720
And your dad's like, grow up, get a life.

1160
01:30:49.880 --> 01:30:50.760
No, it wasn't.

1161
01:30:51.220 --> 01:30:52.920
That doesn't help a child get over it.

1162
01:30:52.920 --> 01:30:55.460
It just makes him feel that he is, that he's not.

1163
01:30:56.020 --> 01:31:01.240
We're something that he doesn't have value, you know, and to not trust reality

1164
01:31:01.320 --> 01:31:03.500
like, Oh, apparently this is really, isn't reality.

1165
01:31:03.500 --> 01:31:08.940
And, you know, I'm going to have to, um, anyway, so what we need to do is we need

1166
01:31:08.940 --> 01:31:15.300
to be, um, uh, we need to be lovingly receive, um, the parts of ourselves that

1167
01:31:15.300 --> 01:31:21.480
are trying to tell us, trying to reveal God's truth to us, God's truth, trying

1168
01:31:21.480 --> 01:31:28.260
to reveal reality to us, um, because God gave you emotions to, to tell you what

1169
01:31:28.260 --> 01:31:31.680
you're believing, to tell you what you're struggling with, to tell you whatever.

1170
01:31:32.400 --> 01:31:38.880
Um, so regardless of how bad something is, how badly are you responding

1171
01:31:38.880 --> 01:31:41.340
to it, that is how bad it was.

1172
01:31:42.960 --> 01:31:45.160
And that's how much, that's the effect.

1173
01:31:45.200 --> 01:31:47.480
That's the result that you're having to live with.

1174
01:31:47.480 --> 01:31:49.120
So that's what you're having to face.

1175
01:31:49.160 --> 01:31:50.500
That's what you're having to deal with.

1176
01:31:50.500 --> 01:31:54.180
You're not having to deal with what happened or having to deal with what

1177
01:31:54.180 --> 01:31:59.420
happened to, with how that affected you, you know, and so however it affected

1178
01:31:59.420 --> 01:32:00.940
you, it really is that bad.

1179
01:32:01.420 --> 01:32:02.860
And it might be different for someone else.

1180
01:32:02.860 --> 01:32:06.020
I didn't know about your roommate might not have affected your roommate

1181
01:32:06.020 --> 01:32:07.340
as bad as it affected you.

1182
01:32:07.500 --> 01:32:14.100
And the same thing virtually happened to both of you, but that means

1183
01:32:14.100 --> 01:32:15.900
that what's going on with you.

1184
01:32:15.900 --> 01:32:19.360
Let's say for instance, if it's not as bad for her, it means that what's going

1185
01:32:19.360 --> 01:32:25.240
on with you is worse because it's, it's, it's, it's what, it's what it's

1186
01:32:25.240 --> 01:32:27.520
stirred at and that is what you're having to face.

1187
01:32:27.920 --> 01:32:30.400
He's handling it easier than me.

1188
01:32:31.040 --> 01:32:32.400
So then you compare yourself.

1189
01:32:32.600 --> 01:32:32.920
Yeah.

1190
01:32:32.960 --> 01:32:33.240
Either.

1191
01:32:33.240 --> 01:32:36.200
She's already worked through some of this stuff that you're having, that all

1192
01:32:36.200 --> 01:32:40.280
of this is triggered in you, or she's looking to different sources than you

1193
01:32:40.280 --> 01:32:44.200
are and she's using crutches or she's stifling all of those things and it'll

1194
01:32:44.200 --> 01:32:47.840
come up out of nowhere and some PTSD will pop up one day and she's like,

1195
01:32:48.520 --> 01:32:51.640
or it could be, she is handling it better and she's processed, right?

1196
01:32:51.880 --> 01:32:52.400
Who knows?

1197
01:32:52.840 --> 01:32:57.480
But my point is that just, uh, it's not what happens to us.

1198
01:32:57.480 --> 01:33:02.520
It's bad as that, that may, that determines how bad something is.

1199
01:33:02.840 --> 01:33:07.680
It's how it affected us that determines how bad that it was.

1200
01:33:08.160 --> 01:33:09.720
That's what you're having to deal with.

1201
01:33:09.760 --> 01:33:11.160
You're not having to deal with what happened.

1202
01:33:11.160 --> 01:33:13.360
You're having to deal with what it did to you.

1203
01:33:13.880 --> 01:33:14.360
Right.

1204
01:33:14.800 --> 01:33:18.200
And so with knowledge that it really, you know, how you're emotionally

1205
01:33:18.200 --> 01:33:22.120
responding, how you're psychologically responding, whatever, just realize,

1206
01:33:22.120 --> 01:33:23.400
and don't try to squelch it.

1207
01:33:23.400 --> 01:33:27.360
Don't try to think, oh, it shouldn't be like this, but really is that bad, you

1208
01:33:27.360 --> 01:33:34.840
know, and, um, uh, and, and then, um, so that you can just kind of stop it.

1209
01:33:34.840 --> 01:33:38.800
And hopefully you're not being too hard on yourself, but if you are, you can

1210
01:33:38.800 --> 01:33:42.000
stop being hard on yourself and realize, oh, the reason I'm having it this

1211
01:33:42.000 --> 01:33:43.720
hard is because it is this hard.

1212
01:33:45.320 --> 01:33:49.360
And that, that was a violation done to you that you didn't deserve.

1213
01:33:50.400 --> 01:33:52.320
What has happened inside of you?

1214
01:33:52.320 --> 01:33:55.920
Not just this, the thing that happened to you, what happened inside of you was

1215
01:33:55.920 --> 01:33:58.560
a violation that you don't deserve.

1216
01:33:59.360 --> 01:34:02.800
Whatever wounds that start up from the past, you didn't deserve what happened

1217
01:34:02.800 --> 01:34:05.840
to you that created all those wounds that, that the new thing triggered.

1218
01:34:06.720 --> 01:34:09.200
You know, all of the things that you've struggled with other, you

1219
01:34:09.200 --> 01:34:11.320
don't deserve any of those things.

1220
01:34:11.840 --> 01:34:13.480
And so, but you're having to battle them.

1221
01:34:13.680 --> 01:34:20.600
And so anyway, just, um, just give yourself enough value to know that it's

1222
01:34:20.600 --> 01:34:24.240
that if you feel it's that hard, it really is that hard and that's the

1223
01:34:24.240 --> 01:34:26.120
degree of a battle you're having to fight.

1224
01:34:27.240 --> 01:34:33.560
So with the Lord, so stuff like that, acknowledging reality is, um, it's very

1225
01:34:33.560 --> 01:34:36.520
healing because, and it also helps us.

1226
01:34:36.600 --> 01:34:41.880
Uh, it, it, it helps what's the phrase.

1227
01:34:42.400 --> 01:34:45.640
Um, it neutralizes its power a bit more.

1228
01:34:46.840 --> 01:34:51.160
It's when you fight reality that it stays powerful.

1229
01:34:52.160 --> 01:34:56.600
And so if you face it, if you basically bring it into the light and just

1230
01:34:56.600 --> 01:35:00.000
acknowledge this, this is it, it loses a bit of its power.

1231
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:12.200
or over you. It's interesting how that works, but, but yeah. Thank you so much. You're welcome.

1232
01:35:12.200 --> 01:35:19.360
So interesting. I was on my knees praying and then your name just popped in my head.

1233
01:35:19.360 --> 01:35:24.320
You're welcome. I hope that it was helpful. And so, and I'm glad that the timing worked

1234
01:35:24.320 --> 01:35:29.400
out and everything. I'm really, really sorry. Sure. And I'm really sorry for what you've

1235
01:35:29.400 --> 01:35:34.640
been through, but please reach out and let, let me know in the next few days, you know,

1236
01:35:34.640 --> 01:35:39.040
how you're doing and if you feel like you're getting any, you know, healing and relief

1237
01:35:39.040 --> 01:35:43.560
and stuff. So I understand it might take some time, but I'm really praying and hope that

1238
01:35:43.560 --> 01:35:48.880
the Lord will do, you know, quick work for you. I'll let you know in a few days. And

1239
01:35:48.880 --> 01:35:54.720
I, I think, I think I want to have like a new session with you. I don't know how you

1240
01:35:54.720 --> 01:36:04.000
do it or like when, or we can talk about that. Yeah. Okay. Sure. Sounds good. All right.

1241
01:36:04.000 --> 01:36:12.240
Well, I hope you sleep well. Thank you. Good day. You, your day just started probably.

1242
01:36:12.240 --> 01:36:19.120
So I would get, you know, what time is it? Yeah. So I'll be going to bed soon, but not,

1243
01:36:19.120 --> 01:36:24.000
not as soon as you're, yeah. Okay. Bye.