WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:06.960 Forgiveness is the only way to find peace and joy and happiness in our lives and that forgiveness 2 00:00:06.960 --> 00:00:14.960 doesn't just extend to your own soul being forgiven in Christ, not just for forgiving others, 3 00:00:14.960 --> 00:00:20.080 but probably one of the hardest things for any of us to do is to forgive ourselves 4 00:00:20.080 --> 00:00:21.360 for the mistakes that we've made. 5 00:00:21.360 --> 00:00:29.120 And everybody's made mistakes. We've all hurt people. We all look back at events in our life 6 00:00:29.120 --> 00:00:36.320 and wish we had done it differently. And for some of us, that is a lingering problem and it creates 7 00:00:36.320 --> 00:00:40.720 not bitterness toward others, but actually bitterness towards ourselves. And so we have to 8 00:00:40.720 --> 00:00:47.200 forgive ourselves for the mistakes that we've made. And I think that's a big part of forgiveness. 9 00:00:48.080 --> 00:01:05.120 And I believe that statistics would show that most people who commit suicide are people who can 10 00:01:05.120 --> 00:01:09.360 never forgive themselves because of mistakes that they've made. And that might be true in your life. 11 00:01:09.360 --> 00:01:15.200 You've done things in your past to people, or you've allowed things to happen to you, 12 00:01:15.920 --> 00:01:21.680 and then you hate yourself, even though it's not even your fault, but you have trouble getting over 13 00:01:21.680 --> 00:01:29.200 the hump of the bondage of self-loathing and self-hatred. I would argue that most people 14 00:01:29.200 --> 00:01:36.160 who are insecure, most people who struggle in relationships with even as simple as looking 15 00:01:36.160 --> 00:01:43.200 someone in the eye or having long-term relationships, long-term friendships has 16 00:01:43.200 --> 00:01:50.080 something to do with unforgiveness in one's life. And then sometimes what happens with 17 00:01:50.080 --> 00:01:56.240 unforgiveness is actually the way it manifests itself is the opposite. In other words, we begin 18 00:01:56.240 --> 00:02:01.920 to justify ourselves by saying, oh, that wasn't my fault. That's my parents' fault. That's not 19 00:02:01.920 --> 00:02:09.919 my fault. That's because of this or that. But really down deep inside, that person is having 20 00:02:10.720 --> 00:02:18.480 is having deep trouble forgiving themselves for the things that have happened. And so they take on 21 00:02:19.360 --> 00:02:27.520 this sin. They take on this loathing of themselves, but they project it out like, 22 00:02:27.520 --> 00:02:32.000 oh, it's not my fault. And so I want to talk about self-forgiveness because 23 00:02:32.720 --> 00:02:42.080 self-forgiveness can set you free. And self-forgiveness is a great healer of the soul. 24 00:02:42.800 --> 00:02:49.360 So we may understand mentally that Christ died on the cross for our sins and we've received Christ. 25 00:02:49.360 --> 00:02:56.880 We have a personal growing relationship with him, but we haven't actually actualized, 26 00:02:56.880 --> 00:03:03.520 we haven't actualized that forgiveness toward ourselves. And so the challenge before us is how 27 00:03:03.520 --> 00:03:11.360 to forgive ourselves, also how to forgive others, how to receive the forgiveness of Christ. All of 28 00:03:11.360 --> 00:03:18.960 that is really one package. And when I was meditating on self-forgiveness and some of 29 00:03:18.960 --> 00:03:25.200 the processes I've had to go through towards self-forgiveness, I'm reminded very quickly of 30 00:03:25.200 --> 00:03:30.800 Jesus on the cross. So Jesus is on the cross. He's been beaten by these people that are standing 31 00:03:30.800 --> 00:03:39.120 before him. He's been crucified. The most heinous, the most excruciating death that one could have, 32 00:03:39.760 --> 00:03:48.080 some would argue that the most painful form of capital punishment was the Roman crucifixion. 33 00:03:48.080 --> 00:03:56.240 So they're laughing at him. He's stripped naked. He's completely bare before possibly thousands of 34 00:03:56.240 --> 00:04:02.400 people there at Golgotha, outside the walls of Jerusalem. And yet Jesus says, forgive them for 35 00:04:02.400 --> 00:04:07.440 they know not what they do. Now that's a radical statement. And so I'm going to give you a radical 36 00:04:07.440 --> 00:04:13.680 statement. The radical statement is that you need to forgive yourself because you didn't know what 37 00:04:13.680 --> 00:04:20.320 you were doing either. And so nobody comes with all of the packaging that we need to live this 38 00:04:20.320 --> 00:04:26.960 life well. And we're always in this process of learning. And self-learning, self-growth is one 39 00:04:26.960 --> 00:04:33.840 of the great characteristics of mighty men, mighty women of God, who do well with their life and 40 00:04:33.840 --> 00:04:40.800 become very successful and effective and achieve a lot in their life. These are people who have 41 00:04:40.800 --> 00:04:47.040 learned to forgive themselves and to still take risks, still be willing to go out on a limb in 42 00:04:47.040 --> 00:04:52.880 relationships or in situations because they know they're human and they know that they're forgiven 43 00:04:52.880 --> 00:04:56.480 and they know they're going to continue to make mistakes. They're going to continue to 44 00:04:57.200 --> 00:04:59.760 make mistakes through ignorance, 45 00:04:59.760 --> 00:05:00.260 make... 46 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:08.560 mistakes because of sin, make bad choices. We all do that. But self-forgiveness is a great 47 00:05:08.560 --> 00:05:16.480 freeing part of our lives because it enables us to say, I'm beloved, I'm loved by God, 48 00:05:16.480 --> 00:05:21.840 I am going to make mistakes, but I'm also forgiven by God. Now this has always been hard for me. 49 00:05:22.640 --> 00:05:29.280 So this is interesting that I'm talking about it today. I've actually rarely even done many 50 00:05:29.280 --> 00:05:35.440 discussions or messages on self-forgiveness. And I think part of it is because it's been a 51 00:05:35.440 --> 00:05:41.040 struggle for me and I feel like I have mastered this. So I'm just going to say right off, 52 00:05:41.040 --> 00:05:45.680 I haven't mastered this by any means, but I was a gymnast. I was a collegiate gymnast on 53 00:05:45.680 --> 00:05:51.600 a national level. I was also a USGF, United States Gymnastics Federation, 54 00:05:51.680 --> 00:05:58.400 collegiate national judge. So perfectionism runs through my veins. 55 00:05:58.960 --> 00:06:06.880 I know about perfectionism and I've tended to be very self-critical and self-analyzing my life 56 00:06:06.880 --> 00:06:13.680 kind of on a perfect scale of 10.0, like it's the way I grew up really. And I've done some 57 00:06:13.680 --> 00:06:18.560 really dumb things because of this. Let me just tell you, I've apologized to people for things 58 00:06:18.560 --> 00:06:26.080 I didn't do just because I wanted to make peace. Okay. So I've taken that upon myself. I've let 59 00:06:26.800 --> 00:06:36.400 some pretty bad people take advantage of me because in the name of grace, I've just forgiven 60 00:06:36.400 --> 00:06:44.560 people. And yet that probably wasn't the best in my leadership. I've allowed bad behavior 61 00:06:45.520 --> 00:06:50.400 around me by staff and different people. And I've let people off the hook when I should have 62 00:06:50.400 --> 00:06:58.720 confronted them. I've been harsh on myself. So in the past, if there was an argument or maybe 63 00:06:58.720 --> 00:07:04.400 a misunderstanding, I tend to be almost a hundred percent of the time, the first one to ask for 64 00:07:04.400 --> 00:07:10.960 forgiveness because I could recognize in my self-critical way, my perfectionist tendencies. 65 00:07:10.960 --> 00:07:15.680 Well, I didn't do that perfectly. What I've learned to realize though, is there's this element 66 00:07:16.480 --> 00:07:25.760 of definitely the ability to self-forgive, but you have to overlay that also with self-respect. 67 00:07:26.320 --> 00:07:32.800 So you need to have respect for yourself and realize, no, that's not my fault. You know, 68 00:07:32.800 --> 00:07:37.200 that's a mistake you made, and I'm going to have to hold you accountable for that. 69 00:07:37.200 --> 00:07:43.360 I'll tell you, man, that is not easy for me because I tend to take all the heat myself. I 70 00:07:43.360 --> 00:07:50.240 know I can handle it. I know I made a mistake. I didn't say things perfectly, but self-respect 71 00:07:50.240 --> 00:07:53.920 is a big part of self-forgiveness. So I want you to understand when I talk about 72 00:07:54.480 --> 00:08:00.880 self-forgiveness, I'm not saying you get off the hook all the time and you can just blame 73 00:08:00.880 --> 00:08:05.920 others for every mistake you made. I'm talking about the kind of self-forgiveness 74 00:08:07.440 --> 00:08:14.240 where in you understand, I do make mistakes. I can be self-critical, but because of Christ's 75 00:08:14.240 --> 00:08:21.280 love and because of His forgiveness, I can walk in a forgiveness that still allows me 76 00:08:21.280 --> 00:08:27.280 to forgive others and to move forward with an anticipation that I'm getting better, 77 00:08:27.280 --> 00:08:31.920 that I'm actually improving in my life by learning even from my mistakes. 78 00:08:32.720 --> 00:08:38.320 Well, part of this idea of self-forgiveness is understanding who you are in Christ. 79 00:08:38.880 --> 00:08:43.919 And so I can't think of a better passage in all of scripture than Ephesians 1. So if you have 80 00:08:43.919 --> 00:08:53.120 your Bible, look at Ephesians 1, 3-7. This is one of those passages that probably every believer 81 00:08:53.120 --> 00:09:01.440 should memorize, especially if you struggle with perfectionism and you struggle with constantly 82 00:09:01.520 --> 00:09:08.800 having trouble forgiving yourself. Because in Ephesians 1, 3-7, Paul describes who we are, 83 00:09:09.920 --> 00:09:19.360 what God has done for us at the cross, who Jesus is, and how He views us. So Ephesians 1, 3-7, 84 00:09:19.360 --> 00:09:26.240 listen to this glorious passage. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, 85 00:09:26.800 --> 00:09:35.040 who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, 86 00:09:35.840 --> 00:09:43.520 just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world. So before you had done anything, 87 00:09:43.520 --> 00:09:51.280 before you were even born, Christ had chosen you to be His child. That's a pretty fantastic love. 88 00:09:51.280 --> 00:09:59.760 That, then, we should be holy and without blame before Him in love. Now, nobody's 89 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:04.180 perfectly holy, nobody is without blame, 90 00:10:04.180 --> 00:10:09.180 but it says holy and without blame before him in his love. 91 00:10:10.240 --> 00:10:13.220 So through his love, we're seen as blameless. 92 00:10:13.220 --> 00:10:15.980 Through his love, he sees us as holy. 93 00:10:15.980 --> 00:10:20.980 Having predestined us to adoption as sons and daughters 94 00:10:23.460 --> 00:10:27.340 by Jesus Christ to himself. 95 00:10:28.180 --> 00:10:30.540 So we've been adopted into a new family. 96 00:10:30.540 --> 00:10:33.180 We've been adopted as sons and daughters. 97 00:10:33.180 --> 00:10:36.260 Again, everybody who's adopted as sons and daughters 98 00:10:36.260 --> 00:10:37.120 has made mistakes. 99 00:10:37.120 --> 00:10:41.260 Everybody who's adopted has committed sins against God, 100 00:10:41.260 --> 00:10:43.820 against others, and even against ourselves. 101 00:10:43.820 --> 00:10:47.020 And yet, Christ loves us so much 102 00:10:47.020 --> 00:10:49.100 that he adopts us into his family 103 00:10:50.000 --> 00:10:52.520 according to the good pleasure of his will. 104 00:10:52.520 --> 00:10:56.620 So God's pleasure is in you. 105 00:10:56.620 --> 00:11:01.620 His pleasure is in you being his beloved and loved child, 106 00:11:02.580 --> 00:11:05.900 even with the mistakes, even with the sin, 107 00:11:05.900 --> 00:11:07.900 even with the rebellion, he loves you. 108 00:11:08.740 --> 00:11:12.160 And then he says, to the praise and glory of his grace 109 00:11:12.160 --> 00:11:15.660 by which he made us accepted in the beloved. 110 00:11:15.660 --> 00:11:19.340 So men and women, you're his beloved. 111 00:11:19.340 --> 00:11:23.260 And you have to begin to understand that you're beloved. 112 00:11:23.260 --> 00:11:25.420 I mean, it's one thing to understand it up here, 113 00:11:25.420 --> 00:11:26.820 but I'm talking about us learning 114 00:11:26.820 --> 00:11:28.220 to understand it down here. 115 00:11:28.220 --> 00:11:30.660 And that's the only way that we can start 116 00:11:31.580 --> 00:11:35.220 actionably being self-forgiving 117 00:11:35.220 --> 00:11:37.380 is to understand that we're beloved. 118 00:11:37.380 --> 00:11:38.640 And then in verse seven, he says, 119 00:11:38.640 --> 00:11:40.660 in him we have redemption through his blood, 120 00:11:40.660 --> 00:11:42.780 the forgiveness of sins 121 00:11:42.780 --> 00:11:44.980 according to the riches of his grace. 122 00:11:44.980 --> 00:11:47.780 So according to God's grace, you're forgiven. 123 00:11:47.780 --> 00:11:51.540 According to his redemption through his blood on the cross 124 00:11:51.540 --> 00:11:53.620 where he said, forgive them. 125 00:11:53.620 --> 00:11:55.140 And he would say that to you, 126 00:11:55.140 --> 00:11:57.620 forgive you for you don't know what you do. 127 00:11:57.620 --> 00:11:58.900 So learn to forgive yourself. 128 00:11:58.900 --> 00:12:00.460 Christ forgives you. 129 00:12:00.460 --> 00:12:02.460 That's been revolutionary for me 130 00:12:02.460 --> 00:12:06.140 is to realize Christ forgives me. 131 00:12:06.140 --> 00:12:08.900 Why can't I forgive myself? 132 00:12:08.900 --> 00:12:12.500 And usually I can't forgive myself because of my own pride. 133 00:12:12.500 --> 00:12:14.980 It's my own pride that gets in the way. 134 00:12:14.980 --> 00:12:18.100 And so when I dropped the pride and I realized, 135 00:12:18.100 --> 00:12:20.380 you know what, I'm not perfect. 136 00:12:20.380 --> 00:12:22.220 I make mistakes all the time. 137 00:12:23.220 --> 00:12:26.820 And I've got to learn to walk in that self-forgiveness. 138 00:12:26.820 --> 00:12:28.180 Well, what is self-forgiveness? 139 00:12:28.180 --> 00:12:30.100 What do I mean by self-forgiveness? 140 00:12:30.100 --> 00:12:31.180 Let me give you a few thoughts. 141 00:12:31.180 --> 00:12:35.780 First of all, self-forgiveness is giving yourself compassion 142 00:12:35.780 --> 00:12:37.820 as Christ gives you compassion. 143 00:12:37.820 --> 00:12:41.220 So you're having compassion for yourself 144 00:12:41.220 --> 00:12:45.420 in the same manner that Christ has compassion for you. 145 00:12:45.420 --> 00:12:50.420 Self-forgiveness is caring enough about your own heart 146 00:12:50.860 --> 00:12:52.420 that you take care of it. 147 00:12:53.300 --> 00:12:55.500 The Bible even says, guard your heart 148 00:12:55.500 --> 00:12:58.940 for from it flow the issues of life. 149 00:12:58.940 --> 00:13:00.500 Men and women, it's understanding 150 00:13:00.500 --> 00:13:01.940 that you need to guard your heart 151 00:13:01.940 --> 00:13:04.220 because if you have a heart 152 00:13:04.220 --> 00:13:07.060 that's crowded out with unforgiveness, 153 00:13:07.060 --> 00:13:08.820 if you have a heart that's crowded out 154 00:13:08.820 --> 00:13:11.220 with arrogance and pride, 155 00:13:11.220 --> 00:13:14.020 the issues of your life are gonna look exactly 156 00:13:14.020 --> 00:13:15.900 like the condition of your heart. 157 00:13:15.900 --> 00:13:20.380 So self-forgiveness is taking care of your heart, 158 00:13:20.380 --> 00:13:25.380 realizing that in your heart, you have to walk in freedom. 159 00:13:25.380 --> 00:13:28.380 So I'll tell you, man, there's some people in my life, 160 00:13:28.380 --> 00:13:29.660 in the past that have done things. 161 00:13:29.660 --> 00:13:30.660 I don't want to forgive them. 162 00:13:30.660 --> 00:13:31.620 I don't want to forgive them. 163 00:13:31.620 --> 00:13:33.220 It's a struggle to forgive them. 164 00:13:33.220 --> 00:13:35.740 But what empowered me to forgive them 165 00:13:35.740 --> 00:13:38.100 was that I've got to take care of my own heart. 166 00:13:38.100 --> 00:13:41.620 I can't walk with the weight of what they did. 167 00:13:41.620 --> 00:13:45.020 And I'm not gonna let them have power over me 168 00:13:45.020 --> 00:13:47.660 by me having unforgiveness toward them. 169 00:13:47.660 --> 00:13:49.700 And so it's been so exciting to say, 170 00:13:49.700 --> 00:13:50.740 I'm gonna walk in freedom. 171 00:13:50.740 --> 00:13:53.660 And so to release forgiveness, I forgive them. 172 00:13:53.660 --> 00:13:54.780 They don't know what they were doing. 173 00:13:54.780 --> 00:13:57.060 They don't know what they did. 174 00:13:57.060 --> 00:13:58.860 Or maybe they did, 175 00:13:58.860 --> 00:14:01.860 but I have no jurisdiction over their life. 176 00:14:01.860 --> 00:14:05.060 They stand or fall before God with their own life. 177 00:14:05.060 --> 00:14:07.980 But I have the rest of my life to live 178 00:14:07.980 --> 00:14:11.380 and I'm not gonna live in the bondage of unforgiveness. 179 00:14:11.380 --> 00:14:14.380 And then upon releasing that forgiveness, 180 00:14:14.380 --> 00:14:16.420 I also have to forgive myself 181 00:14:16.420 --> 00:14:18.380 for me allowing it to happen, 182 00:14:18.380 --> 00:14:20.100 for the mistakes that I've made, 183 00:14:20.100 --> 00:14:22.500 or maybe something that I said or did before that 184 00:14:22.500 --> 00:14:26.460 that caused the action that I'm having to forgive them for. 185 00:14:26.460 --> 00:14:29.220 So that's also a part of self-forgiveness. 186 00:14:29.220 --> 00:14:31.700 Self-forgiveness is giving yourself permission 187 00:14:31.700 --> 00:14:32.940 to make mistakes. 188 00:14:34.060 --> 00:14:35.780 You're human. 189 00:14:35.780 --> 00:14:37.700 If you take risk in relationships, 190 00:14:37.700 --> 00:14:42.340 you will make mistakes in relationships. 191 00:14:42.340 --> 00:14:44.420 In a job, you're gonna make mistakes 192 00:14:44.420 --> 00:14:46.940 and you're gonna wake up at the morning and go, 193 00:14:46.940 --> 00:14:49.580 oh no, I can't believe I did that. 194 00:14:50.420 --> 00:14:52.180 Well, I wanna give you permission 195 00:14:52.180 --> 00:14:53.420 and God gives you permission. 196 00:14:53.420 --> 00:14:54.860 I know you're human. 197 00:14:54.860 --> 00:14:56.300 You're gonna make mistakes. 198 00:14:56.300 --> 00:14:59.900 And so self-forgiveness, learning to self-forgive quickly. 199 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:05.440 enables us not to get too overwhelmed by the bondage of that, but to continue to 200 00:15:05.440 --> 00:15:11.920 take risk. Self-forgiveness is the result of desiring freedom over bondage. 201 00:15:11.920 --> 00:15:17.240 Self-forgiveness is letting yourself off the hook. It doesn't mean you excuse bad 202 00:15:17.240 --> 00:15:22.040 behavior or poor choices. You need to always keep growing in those things. On 203 00:15:22.040 --> 00:15:27.360 the contrary, it means you do take responsibility for your actions even 204 00:15:27.360 --> 00:15:32.360 more so, and yet you have compassion for yourself that you're going to make 205 00:15:32.360 --> 00:15:38.080 mistakes. So I want to conclude with 10 powerful affirmations that I think might 206 00:15:38.080 --> 00:15:41.600 be helpful to you if you struggle with self-forgiveness. I'm going to call them 207 00:15:41.600 --> 00:15:49.000 the 10 powerful affirmations for self-forgiveness. Number one, to say out 208 00:15:49.000 --> 00:15:54.960 loud, look in the mirror, maybe make a list of these, but say them on a regular 209 00:15:54.960 --> 00:16:00.800 basis. I am beloved of God. I make mistakes, but he still loves me. Number 210 00:16:00.800 --> 00:16:07.200 two, I forgive myself for the hurt I've caused others and myself. Number three, 211 00:16:07.200 --> 00:16:12.520 I'm going to learn from these mistakes and be a better person as a result. 212 00:16:12.520 --> 00:16:18.760 Number four, I'm valuable to God and he wants me to walk in forgiveness. Number 213 00:16:18.760 --> 00:16:25.360 five, I'm called by God to be free in my soul. Freedom comes through 214 00:16:25.360 --> 00:16:31.800 self-forgiveness. Number six, I forgive myself for not knowing what I know now. 215 00:16:31.800 --> 00:16:37.160 Number seven, self-forgiveness is a process and I will continue to take 216 00:16:37.160 --> 00:16:43.520 steps toward greater maturity. Number eight, I am a warrior. I will war for 217 00:16:43.520 --> 00:16:50.600 freedom, forgiveness, and joy in my heart. Number nine, I'm a worshiper. I will keep 218 00:16:50.600 --> 00:16:57.340 growing to worship God in spirit and in truth. And then lastly, number ten, I will 219 00:16:57.340 --> 00:17:02.760 learn from the past and grow to be a better person in the future. So those 220 00:17:02.760 --> 00:17:08.079 affirmations I think are helpful. They're biblical. They're right. They're true. 221 00:17:08.079 --> 00:17:11.960 And the more you say it, the more you believe it. The more you believe it, the 222 00:17:11.960 --> 00:17:17.400 more you'll walk. And self-forgiveness, it can set you free. So God bless you. 223 00:17:17.400 --> 00:17:23.079 Walk in self-forgiveness. Take those affirmations, write them down, and maybe 224 00:17:23.079 --> 00:17:28.920 on a little card, say them whenever you feel like you're condemning yourself or 225 00:17:28.920 --> 00:17:33.920 you're in a place where you're going down in a spiral in a negative way. Say 226 00:17:33.920 --> 00:17:38.600 those things and know that they're true. God bless you.