Forgiveness is the only way to find peace and joy and happiness in our lives and that forgiveness
doesn't just extend to your own soul being forgiven in Christ, not just for forgiving others,
but probably one of the hardest things for any of us to do is to forgive ourselves
for the mistakes that we've made.
And everybody's made mistakes. We've all hurt people. We all look back at events in our life
and wish we had done it differently. And for some of us, that is a lingering problem and it creates
not bitterness toward others, but actually bitterness towards ourselves. And so we have to
forgive ourselves for the mistakes that we've made. And I think that's a big part of forgiveness.
And I believe that statistics would show that most people who commit suicide are people who can
never forgive themselves because of mistakes that they've made. And that might be true in your life.
You've done things in your past to people, or you've allowed things to happen to you,
and then you hate yourself, even though it's not even your fault, but you have trouble getting over
the hump of the bondage of self-loathing and self-hatred. I would argue that most people
who are insecure, most people who struggle in relationships with even as simple as looking
someone in the eye or having long-term relationships, long-term friendships has
something to do with unforgiveness in one's life. And then sometimes what happens with
unforgiveness is actually the way it manifests itself is the opposite. In other words, we begin
to justify ourselves by saying, oh, that wasn't my fault. That's my parents' fault. That's not
my fault. That's because of this or that. But really down deep inside, that person is having
is having deep trouble forgiving themselves for the things that have happened. And so they take on
this sin. They take on this loathing of themselves, but they project it out like,
oh, it's not my fault. And so I want to talk about self-forgiveness because
self-forgiveness can set you free. And self-forgiveness is a great healer of the soul.
So we may understand mentally that Christ died on the cross for our sins and we've received Christ.
We have a personal growing relationship with him, but we haven't actually actualized,
we haven't actualized that forgiveness toward ourselves. And so the challenge before us is how
to forgive ourselves, also how to forgive others, how to receive the forgiveness of Christ. All of
that is really one package. And when I was meditating on self-forgiveness and some of
the processes I've had to go through towards self-forgiveness, I'm reminded very quickly of
Jesus on the cross. So Jesus is on the cross. He's been beaten by these people that are standing
before him. He's been crucified. The most heinous, the most excruciating death that one could have,
some would argue that the most painful form of capital punishment was the Roman crucifixion.
So they're laughing at him. He's stripped naked. He's completely bare before possibly thousands of
people there at Golgotha, outside the walls of Jerusalem. And yet Jesus says, forgive them for
they know not what they do. Now that's a radical statement. And so I'm going to give you a radical
statement. The radical statement is that you need to forgive yourself because you didn't know what
you were doing either. And so nobody comes with all of the packaging that we need to live this
life well. And we're always in this process of learning. And self-learning, self-growth is one
of the great characteristics of mighty men, mighty women of God, who do well with their life and
become very successful and effective and achieve a lot in their life. These are people who have
learned to forgive themselves and to still take risks, still be willing to go out on a limb in
relationships or in situations because they know they're human and they know that they're forgiven
and they know they're going to continue to make mistakes. They're going to continue to
make mistakes through ignorance,
make...
mistakes because of sin, make bad choices. We all do that. But self-forgiveness is a great
freeing part of our lives because it enables us to say, I'm beloved, I'm loved by God,
I am going to make mistakes, but I'm also forgiven by God. Now this has always been hard for me.
So this is interesting that I'm talking about it today. I've actually rarely even done many
discussions or messages on self-forgiveness. And I think part of it is because it's been a
struggle for me and I feel like I have mastered this. So I'm just going to say right off,
I haven't mastered this by any means, but I was a gymnast. I was a collegiate gymnast on
a national level. I was also a USGF, United States Gymnastics Federation,
collegiate national judge. So perfectionism runs through my veins.
I know about perfectionism and I've tended to be very self-critical and self-analyzing my life
kind of on a perfect scale of 10.0, like it's the way I grew up really. And I've done some
really dumb things because of this. Let me just tell you, I've apologized to people for things
I didn't do just because I wanted to make peace. Okay. So I've taken that upon myself. I've let
some pretty bad people take advantage of me because in the name of grace, I've just forgiven
people. And yet that probably wasn't the best in my leadership. I've allowed bad behavior
around me by staff and different people. And I've let people off the hook when I should have
confronted them. I've been harsh on myself. So in the past, if there was an argument or maybe
a misunderstanding, I tend to be almost a hundred percent of the time, the first one to ask for
forgiveness because I could recognize in my self-critical way, my perfectionist tendencies.
Well, I didn't do that perfectly. What I've learned to realize though, is there's this element
of definitely the ability to self-forgive, but you have to overlay that also with self-respect.
So you need to have respect for yourself and realize, no, that's not my fault. You know,
that's a mistake you made, and I'm going to have to hold you accountable for that.
I'll tell you, man, that is not easy for me because I tend to take all the heat myself. I
know I can handle it. I know I made a mistake. I didn't say things perfectly, but self-respect
is a big part of self-forgiveness. So I want you to understand when I talk about
self-forgiveness, I'm not saying you get off the hook all the time and you can just blame
others for every mistake you made. I'm talking about the kind of self-forgiveness
where in you understand, I do make mistakes. I can be self-critical, but because of Christ's
love and because of His forgiveness, I can walk in a forgiveness that still allows me
to forgive others and to move forward with an anticipation that I'm getting better,
that I'm actually improving in my life by learning even from my mistakes.
Well, part of this idea of self-forgiveness is understanding who you are in Christ.
And so I can't think of a better passage in all of scripture than Ephesians 1. So if you have
your Bible, look at Ephesians 1, 3-7. This is one of those passages that probably every believer
should memorize, especially if you struggle with perfectionism and you struggle with constantly
having trouble forgiving yourself. Because in Ephesians 1, 3-7, Paul describes who we are,
what God has done for us at the cross, who Jesus is, and how He views us. So Ephesians 1, 3-7,
listen to this glorious passage. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ,
just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world. So before you had done anything,
before you were even born, Christ had chosen you to be His child. That's a pretty fantastic love.
That, then, we should be holy and without blame before Him in love. Now, nobody's
perfectly holy, nobody is without blame,
but it says holy and without blame before him in his love.
So through his love, we're seen as blameless.
Through his love, he sees us as holy.
Having predestined us to adoption as sons and daughters
by Jesus Christ to himself.
So we've been adopted into a new family.
We've been adopted as sons and daughters.
Again, everybody who's adopted as sons and daughters
has made mistakes.
Everybody who's adopted has committed sins against God,
against others, and even against ourselves.
And yet, Christ loves us so much
that he adopts us into his family
according to the good pleasure of his will.
So God's pleasure is in you.
His pleasure is in you being his beloved and loved child,
even with the mistakes, even with the sin,
even with the rebellion, he loves you.
And then he says, to the praise and glory of his grace
by which he made us accepted in the beloved.
So men and women, you're his beloved.
And you have to begin to understand that you're beloved.
I mean, it's one thing to understand it up here,
but I'm talking about us learning
to understand it down here.
And that's the only way that we can start
actionably being self-forgiving
is to understand that we're beloved.
And then in verse seven, he says,
in him we have redemption through his blood,
the forgiveness of sins
according to the riches of his grace.
So according to God's grace, you're forgiven.
According to his redemption through his blood on the cross
where he said, forgive them.
And he would say that to you,
forgive you for you don't know what you do.
So learn to forgive yourself.
Christ forgives you.
That's been revolutionary for me
is to realize Christ forgives me.
Why can't I forgive myself?
And usually I can't forgive myself because of my own pride.
It's my own pride that gets in the way.
And so when I dropped the pride and I realized,
you know what, I'm not perfect.
I make mistakes all the time.
And I've got to learn to walk in that self-forgiveness.
Well, what is self-forgiveness?
What do I mean by self-forgiveness?
Let me give you a few thoughts.
First of all, self-forgiveness is giving yourself compassion
as Christ gives you compassion.
So you're having compassion for yourself
in the same manner that Christ has compassion for you.
Self-forgiveness is caring enough about your own heart
that you take care of it.
The Bible even says, guard your heart
for from it flow the issues of life.
Men and women, it's understanding
that you need to guard your heart
because if you have a heart
that's crowded out with unforgiveness,
if you have a heart that's crowded out
with arrogance and pride,
the issues of your life are gonna look exactly
like the condition of your heart.
So self-forgiveness is taking care of your heart,
realizing that in your heart, you have to walk in freedom.
So I'll tell you, man, there's some people in my life,
in the past that have done things.
I don't want to forgive them.
It's a struggle to forgive them.
But what empowered me to forgive them
was that I've got to take care of my own heart.
I can't walk with the weight of what they did.
And I'm not gonna let them have power over me
by me having unforgiveness toward them.
And so it's been so exciting to say,
I'm gonna walk in freedom.
And so to release forgiveness, I forgive them.
They don't know what they were doing.
They don't know what they did.
Or maybe they did,
but I have no jurisdiction over their life.
They stand or fall before God with their own life.
But I have the rest of my life to live
and I'm not gonna live in the bondage of unforgiveness.
And then upon releasing that forgiveness,
I also have to forgive myself
for me allowing it to happen,
for the mistakes that I've made,
or maybe something that I said or did before that
that caused the action that I'm having to forgive them for.
So that's also a part of self-forgiveness.
Self-forgiveness is giving yourself permission
to make mistakes.
You're human.
If you take risk in relationships,
you will make mistakes in relationships.
In a job, you're gonna make mistakes
and you're gonna wake up at the morning and go,
oh no, I can't believe I did that.
Well, I wanna give you permission
and God gives you permission.
I know you're human.
You're gonna make mistakes.
And so self-forgiveness, learning to self-forgive quickly.
enables us not to get too overwhelmed by the bondage of that, but to continue to
take risk. Self-forgiveness is the result of desiring freedom over bondage.
Self-forgiveness is letting yourself off the hook. It doesn't mean you excuse bad
behavior or poor choices. You need to always keep growing in those things. On
the contrary, it means you do take responsibility for your actions even
more so, and yet you have compassion for yourself that you're going to make
mistakes. So I want to conclude with 10 powerful affirmations that I think might
be helpful to you if you struggle with self-forgiveness. I'm going to call them
the 10 powerful affirmations for self-forgiveness. Number one, to say out
loud, look in the mirror, maybe make a list of these, but say them on a regular
basis. I am beloved of God. I make mistakes, but he still loves me. Number
two, I forgive myself for the hurt I've caused others and myself. Number three,
I'm going to learn from these mistakes and be a better person as a result.
Number four, I'm valuable to God and he wants me to walk in forgiveness. Number
five, I'm called by God to be free in my soul. Freedom comes through
self-forgiveness. Number six, I forgive myself for not knowing what I know now.
Number seven, self-forgiveness is a process and I will continue to take
steps toward greater maturity. Number eight, I am a warrior. I will war for
freedom, forgiveness, and joy in my heart. Number nine, I'm a worshiper. I will keep
growing to worship God in spirit and in truth. And then lastly, number ten, I will
learn from the past and grow to be a better person in the future. So those
affirmations I think are helpful. They're biblical. They're right. They're true.
And the more you say it, the more you believe it. The more you believe it, the
more you'll walk. And self-forgiveness, it can set you free. So God bless you.
Walk in self-forgiveness. Take those affirmations, write them down, and maybe
on a little card, say them whenever you feel like you're condemning yourself or
you're in a place where you're going down in a spiral in a negative way. Say
those things and know that they're true. God bless you.