you
Hold on one second ladies. I don't see it live in the group. Hold on one sec. I'll be right there
You
And one of you all check for me and just see if you see it in the phase one and two group because I don't
Know if I'm just having technical issues or because normally it's super easy
Sorry about that
Anyone else see it in the group I
Don't see it there
Alright, let me try this again. Hold on one second. It's saying it was there
Yeah, I don't see. Okay. I just wanna make sure I wasn't imagining it. I'll be
You
All right, thanks for your patience ladies, I don't know why it didn't work the first time
Good to see you all. Welcome. Welcome. We have 76 live right now
I'm sure more people will start to join as they see us on
Here as well. I
Hope that you guys are having a great day
God has something really awesome in store tonight, and I hope you came with expectant hearts a couple important things
for those of you that are
new. So you might have joined in this last week, or maybe even the week before, just
want to let you know, we always do a couple quick housekeeping things. And then we will
get started in the into the content. So tonight, my my biggest things is if you are new, you
just want to familiarize yourself with the and even if you've been in here a few weeks,
this might be the first time you're hearing this too, because people miss things and tend
to have this question. You want to make sure in the Facebook group that you're familiar
with the guides tab and the feature tab. Okay, those are really, really important through
this whole journey, even after you guys are finished with heartwork, and you'll go in
the next phase, same thing you'll and then even in the group after that, if you guys
choose to go into membership from there. So getting used to that, and all the recordings
from like this live session will be it's already automatically in the group. That's why I took
the time to make sure that did that. But we also put it in your Jackie doorman.com
website portal. Okay, so please don't like when you finish the heartwork, don't get rid
of your login and unsubscribe to that because it might cause you late like issues later
on. We've had that happen this week in another group. So just want to let you guys know that
hang on to that. I had a question today. So women's prayer is Monday through Friday at
10am Eastern time. Okay, zoom link for that's in guides number two. And then we have supernatural
Saturday every Saturday. And that is also in the guide number two. So those are both
like they're going to be on zoom. So if you guys aren't sure where those are at guides,
guides, guides, that's your friend. Alright, so on your names tonight, I didn't think to
do this until too late last night, I tried to put a little thing in the in the chat there.
But if your name on your screen is a phone number or iPhone, if you can click on the
three dots, if you hover over your picture, or your name on the zoom and hover over the
dots and click on it, you can change your name and your photo that way. Okay. So anytime
you guys come on to zoom with us, please make sure it shows your name. Because if we can't
see you and you don't have a name, anybody could be logged into here. And because we're
sharing a lot of private content, we want to make sure we know who you are. Okay. Alright,
so the last thing I have for you guys is this. These are kind of the reminders about the
course and the content and just your heart and where you're at. It's really important
for you guys to be taking really good care of yourself. So getting extra rest, drinking
a lot of water, eating healthy, and it might seem like well, what's why does that matter?
Well, because you're doing a lot of processing, you're doing a lot of hard work, you're going
to be leaning into a lot of stuff. And as your body is trying to process that stuff,
you know, all different kinds of stuff is getting released from yourself. So kind of
moving that stuff through your body, getting a little bit of light exercise, if you can
would be good as well. Um, one day at a time, y'all. Okay, super important. Jackie talked
about it on our supernatural Saturday on this past Saturday about not worrying about tomorrow,
because tomorrow has its own troubles. So today we just want you to focus on today.
And that's one of the best ways to go through the hard work process as well. Some of you
all have been struggling with overwhelm. It's very normal, just so you know, it's very common,
but we want you to know you're going to get through, okay, just keep moving. Even if you
take a break one day, kind of pick it back up the next day, just, just really resist
going into isolation and pulling away from the community. Cause that's what the enemy
wants. He doesn't want you to do your, your hard work. He doesn't want you to get free.
He doesn't want you to find your spirit mates. So what's he going to do? He's going to try
to pressure you, overwhelm you, distract you and get you off track. And a lot of you all,
um, just from things I've read and your comments and things, um, struggle to be in community.
Maybe you were hurt by other women in the past. Maybe you're just terrified of big groups.
So tonight it's super important for you all to really show up authentically. It re I mean,
for every session, but tonight and next week, we're going to be talking about some like
really important things. And so you want to show up authentic, just don't hold anything
back. What you put into it, what you're going to get out of it. Okay. Um, so just want to
encourage you just cause what we're talking about tonight, sometimes people will get real
shy and they don't share. And then they'll pose later. Like, I wish I had, I wish I had shared,
you know, so just, just really, really trust the Holy spirit, whatever he leads you to share.
Um, and just as a reminder, anything that is shared in our group, whether that's
That's a comment, a post on our lives.
It stays here.
You all, you don't, please don't ever go and share that with anybody.
Don't talk about like, Hey, somebody in my group, um, you know, shared this now,
obviously within reason you can share that you're getting breakthrough from this
community, but please don't go and share someone else's story outside of this group.
Okay.
All right.
Awesome.
So tonight we're going to start talking about repentance and confession.
And I want to go ahead and pray, and then we're going to lean into this.
All right, father.
Thank you so much, God.
You're so good.
And you know, exactly what every woman came in the door with tonight, even
though it's a virtual door, it's still a door.
God, we thank you that your presence is everywhere.
God, we thank you that your presence is in us.
If we've, if we've accepted Jesus as our savior, he is living the spirit of
the living God is on the inside of us.
So Lord, we just ask you to just activate that within us, help us to
hear what your spirit is saying to us.
We ask you to bring those things that are in darkness to the light so that there
can be healing and freedom and redemption.
God let peace rule and reign in our hearts and our minds tonight.
We just come against any spirits of anxiety, any spirits of fear in Jesus'
name, and we declare that, uh, you father, you instead would release a spirit of
love and of power and of a sound mind.
We thank you, God, that you've gone before us into the conversations, Holy
spirit, we just ask for your presence to come be here with us, guide our
conversation and, um, yeah, Lord, just whatever the ladies need to share so
that they can draw a little bit closer to you, help them to do it tonight.
In Jesus name.
Amen.
All right.
So we want to start talking right out of the gate about, you know, the things
that we have done in the past, what we don't remember sometimes is that we
don't always know the why behind the, what we think we do.
We think we know why we do the things that we do, but until the Holy spirit
illuminates it, then it's like a whole nother, like, Oh my gosh.
Like I knew I struggled growing up.
I'm not being promiscuous.
I didn't really know exactly why.
I didn't know why I had a desire to like make out with boys and
always boy, crazy boy, crazy.
Um, because I really didn't even want to be.
Um, but like along the way, um, this was the confession and
story God led me to share tonight.
Along the way, you know, God just started showing me how connected that
was because to the things I had been exposed to as a kid, okay.
From pornography magazines, being out to sexual abuse happening in my home and to
me, and, you know, then also like a lot of physical abuse in the home led me to
marry someone that was physically abusive.
So, you know, the Holy spirit knows why we do what we do.
Right.
And one of the things I want to mention too, is, um, one of the posts this week,
someone was asking, you know, like, how do I get out of this loop?
I want to be different.
I want this part of me to change, but I keep doing the same thing.
A lot of times y'all it's because even, even when we're doing everything we
know to do in our own strength, God knows we're trying, he really does.
Um, but the struggle is like, we can't change our behavior until our heart changes.
And so typically that's a sign of there's something underneath the
surface that still needs healed.
So we have to ask the Lord to reveal what is the thing underneath the surface that
needs healed, that needs revealed so that we can truly break free and
stop going around that mountain.
Okay.
So if any of you guys are struggling with that or have your entire lives, just know
like, God wants you to be free just as much as you want to be free.
Um, sometimes it's just that we're not asking the right question and there's
no shame in that because sometimes we don't know the right question.
And that's why I led out with what I did tonight, asking the Holy spirit to
show you the why behind the what.
Okay.
So we asked the Holy spirit to reveal, reveal these things for healing.
That's why we talk about that a lot in this course.
That's why you guys learn and see the revealing for healing cycle.
I encourage you guys, if you haven't already been doing this with that
revealing for healing cycle, to actually sit down on a piece of paper
and like go through those steps.
If you guys are having areas where God is revealing something, go from step
one, and then ask God to show you the next step and next step, and literally
help yourself walk through that revealing for healing cycle in that area.
And you will start to, um, experience some change in that.
Okay.
So repentance is literally us.
choosing to come out of agreement with the lies. It's a change of mind and a change of heart.
Repentance, a lot of people will talk, it is literally making a choice to go the direction
opposite of where we've been going. Okay. I want to read something really quick. And you guys
might've already read this. If you're doing your reading, hopefully you're doing the reading just
as much as watching the videos. Cause it's super important, but I felt led to pull this out
tonight. Repentance is going to be an ongoing part of your life until every lie is found and
replaced with the truth. So that's that revealing for healing cycle. Think of it as a GPS that
continues to adjust and correct your course. You set it to where you want to go. And as you're
driving along, the GPS says to you, there's a better route available. Do you want to take it?
This is very similar to how God uses repentance to get us living our best lives and taking the
best routes to get there. I'm going to skip down a little bit. She says here, this is Jackie talking.
Let me tell you what a course correction from the father via the Holy spirit looks and sounds like.
And this is why I'm reading this to you guys tonight. Cause I felt like God said you, some of
you guys actually need this read over you. It sounds a lot like this. Hey baby girl, you're
better than this. You don't have to live this way. This is not who I created you to be. Let me teach
you something new. Sweetheart, you're taking the hard road. Take my hand and I will show you a
better way. Daughter, you're headed for danger. Listen to me. Trust me. This road is a dead
end. Stop the car and let me drive. I will get us to safety. So God doesn't come in a demeaning,
harsh, degrading voice. He's not trying to bring a lot of fear and confusion. He doesn't, he's not
one that he diminishes us or devalues us. If you hear a lot of that kind of stuff, that is actually
the enemy talking to you. And you're just so used to it that you now think it is actually God
speaking to you. And a lot of times if you've gone through any kind of harsh, uh, correction
and environments growing up, that is how you also hear the Lord. So just keep that in mind.
So as we lean into that truth, we know that God isn't harsh. He doesn't diminish. He's leading
us into a better place, a safe place. When he's asking us to repent, he draws us, the word says
to repentance through his loving kindnesses. So you see the connection there. God is kind. He is
good. He is faithful. And because he is the, he is those things, I kind of bad grammar there,
but he leads us and draws us to repentance. He doesn't force us ladies,
repentance, confession, and forgiveness are a choice. He tells us if we will choose it,
the blessings that will come, but it's always a choice. Okay. So tonight we're going to talk now
about confessing your faults. James 5 16 says, therefore confess your sins to each other and pray
for each other so that you might be healed. The prayer of righteous of a righteous person is
powerful and effective. So part of what we're going to do, we're not going to jump right into
the confess your faults to each other. I'm going to give you guys some time to get to know each
other first tonight, but I want you guys just to start thinking and praying God, like, what is it
that I need to confess tonight? Okay. That's not going to be your first breakout, but I just want
that to kind of marinate a little bit. What's an area that you need to come out of shame.
You need to come out of the shadows, you know, and I will just say this. There are sometimes,
even in some of the other groups you know, I find that people will be like, you know, I don't,
I don't have any sin to confess. Well, the Bible says we all have sin to confess and those that
think they don't woe to them. So we want to be really careful to not get into a heart posture
in our walk with the Lord that we don't do any wrong. Now I do think, yes, as we live our lives
more wholly and more, you know, we are staying more connected to the Lord. I think all of us,
you know, do our best to make healthy choices, but our heart even leads us into wrong attitudes
and mindsets, sometimes even religious mindsets controlling, you know, the way we think can lead
us to sin, you know, so just, just be really aware of where, where you are on that gauge.
If you're in that place of, yeah, I don't have any sin to confess. Again, there's no shame or guilt,
but I just, I needed to say that scripture because the reality is that's, that's probably pride.
in ego talking to you. Okay. All right. So your first breakout, you guys are going to,
what I'm going to do tonight. Um, I'm going to have you guys in the same breakouts all night,
because I feel, I felt like the Lord told me to do that tonight. Next week, we might be back to
just doing different people every time, but we're going to do it this way tonight. Breakout. Number
one, do you beat yourself up when you fail? Do you beat yourself up when you fail? And what are
some of the things you say to yourself when you fail and you're beating yourself up that you
shouldn't be saying to yourself that even right now, the Holy spirit's like, yep, you shouldn't,
maybe even today you said something, you looked in the mirror and you said something negative to
yourself, or recently you made a mistake somewhere and you just started putting yourself down left
and right. Or maybe something happened in your family and someone else says this to you a lot.
And so now you've taken it on yourself and you think it about yourself now. So as you guys go
in, that's what you're going to be talking about. I'm going to put you guys in there for seven
minutes. How many do we have? I gotta make sure I watch. Okay. There we go. All right. I think
we've got it. Last week, it was a little weird. I remember during my daytime on countdown after
closing. All right, we'll give this one a shot. I might have to fix it when you guys go in the
next time. All right, there you go. Go ahead and click those to join. I'll be praying for you guys.
Hello. Hello to all those watching on Facebook. I still see 10 lovely ladies over on Facebook live.
It's good to see you all. All right, ladies, you'll have to go ahead and click to join your
breakout group. Oh, I see Jen. Sorry. I got to put you in a room. No, I switched from Facebook to
Zoom. Oh, that's all right. No, I'm glad you did. All right. There we go. Sorry. My thing is acting
weird tonight a little bit. There you go. I just put you in room number seven. Yeah, you're welcome.
Okay. Lachelle, are you able to join the breakout that I sent you? And Susie?
All right. If anyone else is on Facebook and you're wanting to get in the breakouts,
you have to jump on the Zoom, the Zoom link. If you scroll up, I put it in the comments
so you can grab it right from there and jump into the conversation with us here live.
And yeah, there's a lot of people on here. Welcome. Welcome. And just so you know, you can put your
takeaways or your comments in the chat and I can comment on those and pray for you guys as well.
So if you want to jump into the conversation in the comments, do you beat yourself up when
you fail? And if so, what are some of the things that you say to yourself when you're doing that?
Yeah. So go ahead and put those in. I'm going to start to pray for you guys. Oh, Susie, that's okay.
You're still at work. You can just hang out here with me, um, and just listen in. That's totally
fine. Father, we just thank you for just your amazing grace. Um, that really just works.
Miracles are our lives. Hi, Jessica. Let me put you in to room.
I just sent you for room number 18. Go ahead and click to join that.
Lord, I thank you. Uh, as I was just praying, God, that you cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
And I thank you, Lord, that you create in us clean hearts of God and renew steadfast
spirits within us. But Lord, I thank you that the reality is, is we have to give you permission to
do those things. We partner with you in this, this mission and this life, Lord, I pray that
you would help us to hear what your spirit is saying to us tonight. Any areas that we need to
confess and repent of any sin, Lord, help us to have humble hearts and humble attitudes to do
that. Uh, is it Sherrilyn Graber? It's okay. Um, I know it's a bummer when, when y'all can't join
on zoom, but just so you know, it's we're okay. We're just glad you're here listening and taking
in the word of truth any way you can. When the ladies come back, we will have them share and
participate. Hi, Lachelle. I think it might've maybe kicked you out of the room or something.
Let's try another one. Are you able to join that room? I just sent you another one.
All right.
So Lord, we just thank you also for,
yes, thank you, Lord, for renewing us and transforming us,
Lord, every single day that your mercies
are new every morning.
God, help us to wake up looking forward to the day
that we would have hearts that are expectant
for what you're gonna do in our lives, Lord.
I thank you, Lord, that even, yeah, Lord,
your word says that your word is,
it cuts through bone and marrow.
And we just thank you, Lord, that that's not,
you're not doing that to hurt us, God.
Your word is truth, it's life-giving, God,
and it's just dividing between the things
that are not of you and the things that are of you.
And I pray, Lord, that you would help us
to better understand what your word is saying to us,
that we would have ears to hear what your spirit is saying,
that we would have eyes to see what your spirit sees,
that you would just transform us from the inside out
with the love of Christ, that we would walk in the light
as you, Jesus, are in the light.
And I thank you that you would help us
to be in relationship with you, Jesus, as you are one,
that we would be one with you as you are one with the Father.
And I thank you that every single day
you would draw us into just a little bit deeper understanding
of your love for us, of your grace and your forgiveness,
God, that you separate our sins
as far as the East is from the West
when we confess them to you, God,
and you make them like they never happened.
And we're just so grateful, Jesus,
that you died on the cross,
you allowed your body to be broken
for the forgiveness of our sins,
for our freedom, for our redemption, for our healing.
God, yes, for our reconciliation, Lord,
I just declare right now over all those
that are watching the replay or even here live,
I just speak in the name of Jesus Christ,
a spirit of reconciliation, a spirit of peace.
Yes, Lord, I bind and I break in Jesus' name
any spirit of unforgiveness,
any spirits of bitterness and resentment, Lord.
Yes, Lord, let your peace rule and reign.
God is the Prince of Peace
and he brings peace everywhere he goes.
And we just thank you, God,
that you walk with us and you talk with us
and that you've gone before us into every situation.
Hi, Melissa Pearson,
I see that you're driving and can't join, that's okay.
I'm glad you're here.
Hi, Lizzie.
Lizzie says, I do beat myself up.
I have thoughts that I should have done better
or that I need to do better.
So what's really cool
is even when you guys are joining on Facebook,
when you share and jump into the comments,
hi, Ingrid, I'll put you in a breakout room here.
They're talking about when you fail,
do you beat yourself up?
Go ahead and join that room.
They have a few more minutes, maybe like a minute.
When we do have thoughts like this,
like I should have done better,
we have to really ask, lean in and ask the Lord,
okay, where did that come from?
Is that just a thought we've always had
or is that a thought that the enemy,
so to see through someone else
or even our own like pressure that kids feel
when we're growing up and birth orders and all,
I mean, there's so many different things
that come into play,
but along the way, we pick that up somewhere.
So God's not saying we have to keep carrying that stuff
or keep having those filters that we hear life through
and experience life through.
So I would encourage Lizzie or anybody else,
if that's something that you commonly
have those kinds of thoughts when you make mistakes,
what does the father wanna say to you?
What does he wanna say to you in that area?
What truth does he want to bring
and what life does he wanna bring?
Sorry, I'm getting distracted a little bit by my things,
my little reminders are popping up here,
but he wants to heal us and he wants to restore and redeem
and set us free from negative self-talk
and beating ourselves up
because anytime, this is what just came to mind,
if we're trying to drive forward,
those negative self-talk and all that stuff,
actually, it gets us backward,
like we're looking backwards, backward facing,
it takes us in the opposite direction
of where we want to go and where we are supposed to go.
So we really need to pay attention
to the thoughts that we're thinking.
One of the things I tell people a lot is,
and this is, probably other people have had this revelation,
but God started speaking this to me years ago,
when I have a thought,
I don't always need to own that thought as my own,
I need to say, okay, God, is this your thought?
Is this my thought?
Or is this a thought from the enemy?
And I might've even told you guys that last week
and you'll probably hear it again,
but it really can bring so much freedom in life
when we just slow down and start paying attention
to what we're thinking.
about and where did it originally come from?
Welcome back, everybody.
While you guys were in there,
I was talking to some of the ladies
that are on Facebook Live right now,
praying for you guys.
And so welcome back.
Who wants to be the first one,
or who is willing to share with the whole group
what you shared in your private breakout group?
I can share.
Go ahead.
Thank you.
I just shared with the girls in my group that,
and I don't know if I should share for them as well,
but for myself, I know that I beat myself up a lot
because I have, people will tell me,
hey, don't be so hard on yourself.
And I don't even know that I'm being hard on myself.
I think it's just something I've always,
it's just a learned behavior.
And I've done it for so long,
I don't even realize until someone says it to me.
And so, and I didn't really know exactly
what words I say to myself.
I know how I feel.
I know I feel like I've messed something up,
like someone can always do it better.
I'm not good enough.
I feel those things.
And so, I know, even if I'm not saying those things
to myself, I'm basically agreeing with them.
So, that's kind of what our group talked about.
And just even one of the gals shared
that she felt she was concerned that people,
the things that she was thinking about herself,
others were thinking, whether that was true or not,
she had that pressure of worrying about that.
And yeah, so we all kind of,
pretty much all of us felt the same.
That's so good, Sandra.
Thanks for sharing and jumping in to be the first one.
And I appreciate that you didn't,
like you did share a little bit, but you never said names.
It's always good for you all
to let the other people share for themselves.
So like, that was a perfect share.
Like you still shared some,
but not sharing each other's names
because we want to let that person share for themselves.
I love what you said too,
about how sometimes you don't even recognize
that you're doing it, but other people are saying,
hey, don't be so hard on yourself.
And so, I wonder ladies, what would happen
if we actually recorded ourselves all day long?
Like if we could actually record our thoughts
and even things that we say out loud,
like would we want our kids to think
and talk about themselves that way
for those that have kids,
or maybe some of you guys have sisters,
like, would you want your sister
to think about herself that way
or talk about herself that way?
So we want to like, hey,
I had someone in one of my mentor training groups
that I was leading.
And she just said, like,
stop talking to yourself like that.
Kind of like treating herself
like she was the big sister telling the,
you know, not like she was separating from herself,
but like her inside, that inner critic,
like to stop talking to herself that way.
And so I think sometimes
that can be really beneficial, ladies,
when we really do that self-talk where you're jumping in
and you're like, wait a minute, no.
Like, this is who I am.
This is what I think about myself.
And then you said someone can always do it better.
I'm curious, okay, the four ladies
that have your hand raised, stay there.
I don't want to lose you because I see you.
But who else has ever had a thought like that?
Someone else can do it better than me.
Raise your hand if that's you.
Does that apply to anyone else?
Yeah.
And it's not bad for us to consider the fact
that maybe somebody can do something better.
I think that we could always feel that way.
But the reality is, is that why,
where did this inner voice that puts us down
and shames us come from?
And that's what I was talking about
before you guys came back.
So really asking yourself good questions,
like where did this start for me?
Like, you know, did someone say this to me?
Did I say this to myself?
Did I put like expectations and pressure on myself
because I thought other people had those expectations of me?
And then when you mentioned about the person in your group,
one of the things I want to, and this might sound harsh,
but know it's with a lot of love
and know that I ended up at one point,
I don't remember who taught it,
but I heard it from someone else.
But like the reality is you all,
people don't think about us as much as we think they do.
They don't.
And a lot of times the enemy will tell us that they do that.
They're talking about us.
They're doing this.
And now in reality, there are some people that they do those
things, right?
But a lot of times it's the enemy trying to cause anxiety
and panic and fear and worry because if he can get us into
that then we're out of the flow of the Holy Spirit and truth
and life and hope and freedom, right?
So if he can get us into anxiousness and worry and fear and
panic all the what ifs what if what if then all the other
flow of the Holy Spirit gets stunted the river kind of gets
all kind of dammed up and stopped up if you will.
Okay, so I just wanted to put that out there.
All right.
I think I saw Samantha next am I is that right?
Yes, Samantha and then Teagan.
Yeah, we were just talking about how like if we mess up
I know for me like if I mess something up like oh my gosh,
I'm such an idiot.
Like I'm so stupid but then like if I had a friend or a
co-worker who did something like the same thing or something
similar.
I wouldn't like you're such an idiot.
Like why would you do that?
Like that would be horrible.
Like I might I might think that and that's horrible too, but
I would never say it or even like like just sometimes I'll
get up.
I'll look in the mirror.
I'm like, oh my God, I'm so ugly but I'm like, I wouldn't
say that to somebody else.
Like, you know, it's just like why do I talk to myself that
way but you know, I should talk to myself like I talked to
other people.
So we just kind of discussed that.
Yeah, and and y'all think about it this way too.
If we're thinking those things like about ourselves and we're
talking to ourselves that way guess what we're going to
attract.
We're going to attract people that treat us that way and talk
to us that way for real.
So we have to change the way that we're thinking about ourselves
the way that we're talking about ourselves so that we attract
healthier people that will treat us the way that we need to
be treated, but we've got to treat ourselves that way we do
and then all the other good things will come, you know, I
will also say again, if you are any of us if we're saying
things like you're so stupid or you're such an idiot where
like, where did that come from?
And when did you partner with that lie the first time?
Okay.
All right, go ahead Tegan.
So I mean, I think a lot that has been shared is very similar
to what was discussed, but I just wanted to add something
that was a revelation that I had a few months ago and related
to this and how the verse, you know that says love your neighbor
as yourself became really convicting once I had these this
revelation that like I'm not I am speaking very ugly things
to myself and in being way too hard on myself again in ways
that I wouldn't be to others and if I can't love myself, well,
I'm I'm not loving others as well as I could because my love
for myself is just like in the dumps.
So I just that verse has a whole new meaning after yes, this
revelation.
Yes, that's so good Tegan.
Thank you for bringing that up.
And again, if if we want to be able to love our neighbors
if we want to be able to really love our spirit mate and show
up fully not to show up as part of ourselves, but our full
selves loving ourselves first is going to be key to that.
Okay.
All right.
I have time for two more Beth and Sabrina.
I had four ladies before we started the hands raised.
So I'll do all four of those and then we've got to move to
the next section.
Go ahead Beth.
Okay, so I'll try and kind of condense what we talked about
a little bit.
One of the things that we said was that it's easier to have
compassion for other people than it is for us to have compassion
for ourselves.
So like when we mess up it's easier to be harder on ourselves
and think badly about ourselves than if a co-worker or somebody
had made that same mistake and then also kind of the idea
that it's easier to beat ourselves up when our failures are
public versus when they're more personal sin.
So I kind of use the example of like if I messed up at work
or at school or with my family, it's much more comfortable
I guess for me to be harder on myself and voice that than
it is to be hard on myself.
If I, you know, say a curse word or think something judgy
about somebody else and they should carry equal weight, but
it's easier to be hard on ourselves when it's public.
And when you were talking earlier Bethany about like what
would how would we
feel if our sister or kids talked about themselves the way that we talk about ourselves. That's
something that I shared in my group, which was that it became very blatant and in my face
when I started this challenge and experience was that I'll notice that my kids are saying
stuff like I'm stupid or I'm not smart enough or I'm a bad kid, I'm a bad daughter, I'm a bad sister
and that's all stuff that I say to myself, which is like I'm a bad mom or I'm a bad friend because
I didn't reach out to somebody or I'm stupid because I burned myself on the oven or whatever
it is and that was very like in your face, hey pay attention to this, stop talking about yourself
this way because all I want to do when I hear my kids say that is jump to them and be like stop
that, you're not, I promise you're not, it's a mistake, accidents happen, but I don't treat
myself with that same grace and so that was very eye-opening and kind of a slap in the face
but in a loving way I think. Yeah and man there was some a release, I don't know if you felt it
when you were talking about just you know you're when you said about being a bad daughter or being
a bad friend you know what if what if we shift this way ladies, if we make a mistake and maybe
we didn't show up for our friend in the way that we had intended to or let's just use that example
instead of saying I'm a bad friend what if we just say man I could have made a healthier choice today
you see the difference it's an identity statement versus just a statement about a decision that
should have maybe been different or could have been made different it's really easy for us to
step into shooting on ourselves and shooting on other people and yes I'm not saying the bad word
I'm saying s-h-o-u-l-d but somebody said that to me years ago and it's always stuck with me
you know don't shoot on other people and don't let them shoot on us we have to live out of like
lord you know if you want me to apologize you know let me make it right to my friend and then
show up and do that but when we start labeling that we're good or bad okay that came from somewhere
so where did that come from and if we make a mistake like think about this like you said if
I make a mistake and I burn my hand on the stove I think is what you said and then you call yourself
stupid for that y'all that stuff doesn't just come from being an adult and calling yourself stupid
that was planted in you somewhere so ask the holy spirit to show you where that came from
and and to help you come out of alignment and agreement with that because that isn't who you
are and that isn't who your daddy says that you are either okay all right awesome all right
Sabrina go ahead um I'll try to be quick um so one thing you know I shared in my group was
um you know how much I I I hate to to fail um to the point where I'm like I try to look and
see okay what do I do so that the person doesn't have to reject me basically it has nothing to do
with I don't care about game if I'm playing a game or you know we're hanging out that doesn't
matter because that's all in fun but when it comes to like you know something professionally
or relationship it's kind of like I feel like a major failure because at the root and some of the
things I've been working through even during the heart work during the week is it's attached to
feeling like feelings of rejection or like feelings of abandonment so I'm like no I if anybody says
you know no or something doesn't work out I'm like oh man that's a fail I was rejected and then
that's the message that you know I start playing in myself so I've I've kind of feel like I've
identified like a lot of my root or my problem where I get so stuck and I'm always trying to
find ways to mitigate okay how can I submit this proposal the best way so that they don't have a
chance to say no so it but it's all so that I don't feel rejected and I'm trying to shift that
in the sense like if it doesn't work out it just means okay maybe God has something different for
you or maybe this isn't the right timing or this I'm you know God is protecting me or preserving
me from something so I'm trying to fix that but at the core my failure or my feelings of failure or
fear of failure comes from just honestly not wanting to feel rejected thank you so much for
sharing I don't know if you see in the chat but a lot several ladies are chiming in saying they
resonate with what you're saying that you know they feel the same thing that kind of thing I think
a lot of us
Let's try to avoid rejection.
And then you're over-correcting.
And actually, you know, even Jackie talks a lot about
any kind of gift ever extended
is gonna get us into trouble, ladies.
So, you know, there's never going to be a perfect scenario
where like every single person is going to like us,
that every single presentation is gonna be perfect.
So what we need to look at
when we have those kinds of things happening is,
you know, again, all of this goes all the way back.
Okay, when did this happen?
Lord, reveal that.
But what I wrote down when you were sharing
was core identity.
Like at the core,
somewhere we believe we're worth rejecting.
Somewhere in the core, we believe that
if we're not perfect,
the people in our lives are gonna abandon us
or we're gonna lose a job
or whatever the scenario is
that leads to the lie of abandonment.
And so I just want to encourage you guys,
if that is one of your battles and struggles,
I want you this week to really lean in
and ask the Holy Spirit to show you who,
like who you are in Christ,
like more of your identity
to really start getting rooted in.
And again, you know, Jackie says from the beginning,
we can know it up here.
I mean, some of you guys, you know,
you know the Bible in and out,
you can quote scripture all day long to yourself,
but your heart doesn't really believe it yet.
And so what is it like,
Lord help me to know what is gonna take it
to get it from up here to down in my heart,
down in my soul where I know who I am in Christ.
I know my value.
I know that even if I make a mistake,
like I still have the same amount of value
and I can still be loved and totally, fully,
unconditionally embraced and loved and accepted
even when I make a mistake.
But see, that's the stuff we don't really fully know
and believe.
And that's why the enemy can come right in
and get us into these hypervigilant control modes
because we're so afraid that that stuff's gonna fall apart
and then what?
But see, God wants us to let that stuff kind of,
not that he wants us to let our whole lives go, ladies,
don't hear what I'm not saying,
but to let that stuff go so that we can really,
like what's really going on underneath the surface.
I wanna mention one other thing
and then we're gonna move on.
I know that Marsha put in there somewhere
about not focusing too much on ourselves.
No, yeah, of course.
We don't wanna get out of balance
where we're always focusing on ourselves,
but I will just say this,
when I hear those kinds of comments come up,
it's often because people have been really indoctrinated
with religion.
And I don't mean that to sound harsh,
but it's just, I came out of a lot of religious.
I love my old church.
They were amazing.
That's where I got my discipleship start.
I mean, I speak super highly of them,
but the reality is it was a very religious background
as well and I had to come out of a lot of that stuff.
And I remember the first time someone said to me,
like, don't get so focused on yourself all the time though.
Well, I wasn't, but God was trying to heal myself.
He was trying to help me heal.
And in order to do that,
we have to be able and willing to take a season.
This is the season you're in.
You're in a season of looking at what's going on within
so that you can heal and become stronger
so that you can love on the people out there, right?
All right, let's start moving on.
We're gonna talk next about a couple of things.
I wanna share a couple of things
before I put you in your next breakout.
When we don't confess our sins,
we remain tethered to them, okay?
Have you ever seen a tether ball?
I don't know, on a playground, y'all,
where the tether ball, it's a ball and it has a rope
and it's hooked to a pole.
Does anyone know what I'm talking about?
Okay, all right, just wanna make sure
some people at least know.
So that's what the kind of the visual
I want you to think about.
When we, any of us, don't confess our sins,
we're like that ball that's always stuck to the pole.
And no matter how much we wanna move and get away,
we're always stuck to the pole.
So same thing with forgiveness.
We'll talk about that next week.
It'll come back up.
Um, so it's really important that if you're saying you want to be free, you want to move
forward in your life.
You want to attract your spirit mate.
We have to be willing to confess the things that are hidden.
We need to be willing to forgive people in all the things.
First John one verse nine says, if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just, and we'll
forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
So as you guys go into this breakout, I want you to be thinking about a couple of things.
Confessing the whole story.
Now, when I say that, I'm not asking you guys to give every gory detail.
And in tonight, when you share is going to be different than your journaling time.
Okay.
Tonight, when you share, you're not trying to throw up on people.
And I don't mean that bad either, but sometimes we do that, right?
I've done it.
Everybody at some point I think has done it, but you don't want to sugarcoat it either.
You want to just be genuine.
If you're the villain in the story, confess it in your small group tonight.
And then also, um, just being really honest with yourself, being honest with God, being
honest with other people.
And then one of the last things, um, there's a couple other things I want to give you guys
before you go into this.
We want to own our side of the street.
Okay.
So what do I mean by that?
This does not apply to abuse victims.
Okay.
This does not apply to victims that I'm not talking to you, but when we make a choice
and it leads to negative consequences, both people that were a part of that decision have
some, some part of that thing happening, right?
So I think if I remember correctly, I shared with you guys in my first, the first week
when I led the APM session, when I went into that original, um, or the relationship that
I was in, uh, several years ago before I married my husband, um, you know, God was showing
me red flags and I kept going owning my side of the street was yes, that, that guy betrayed
me.
He cheated on me multiple times.
He was verbally, emotionally, mentally abusive.
He had all kinds of issues, but why did I choose him?
And why did I go past the red flags when God was showing them to me, I had to own my side
of the street.
Okay.
And so that's what I mean.
So if you were a part of some kind of decision, what is, what is your side of the street?
And then also when you tell stories and you confess a sin to another person, or even between
you and God, are there any details that you change out of shame?
If so, we want to encourage you to not do that anymore.
Jackie tells a story, uh, I don't know if it's in your all's videos or not, but, uh,
about just, she changed her age and her story.
And it wasn't even intentional at first.
Um, but when she tells the story now, the age, you know, 12 versus 13, while at 13,
you're a teenager, you know, more.
And so she shares it way better, but there's just different things.
Sometimes the enemy will, will change this aspect.
Don't really tell them this because if you really tell them this, then they're not going
to like you or they won't accept you or they won't love you.
Whatever it is that the enemy says, we want to come out of fighting and out from under
shame and be who we really are ladies and let people love you.
There's an amazing group that we have.
We have 107 women on here tonight.
It's going to be great.
And some of you guys are probably feel on that panic, but just like, don't lean into
that, lean into the Lord and lean into your sister, a sister squad tonight.
Okay.
So what is God nudging you to confess tonight?
That's your breakout that you're going into right now.
All right, here you go.
Oh, I see a few of you need a sign.
Hold on one second.
I had to wait until the screen stops moving.
Sorry guys.
There we go.
Okay.
I'm going to share my screen.
Darla, I sent you an invite just a minute ago to go into breakout session room.
If you're not able to join us on Zoom, that's totally okay.
I would encourage you guys to jump into the comments of Facebook and then I can speak to those as well.
If you guys are willing to share your confessions there.
I'm going to go ahead and start praying for you guys and just speaking the truth.
I wanted to read a couple of scriptures over you.
Excuse me.
This is from 1st John 320 from the passion translation.
It says whenever our hearts make us feel guilty and remind us of our failures, we know that God is much greater and more merciful than our conscience.
And he knows everything there is to know about us.
As I read it earlier, I'll go ahead and read this one again.
James 516 confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.
The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.
Luke 12 to from the passion translation, everything hidden and covered up will soon be exposed for the faucet facade.
And nothing will be kept secret for long.
God, thank you that you bring those things again that are in darkness to the light.
Revelation 21 for says he will wipe away every tear from their eyes and eliminate death entirely.
No one will mourn or weep any longer.
The pain of wounds will no longer exist for the old order has seized.
God, we thank you that you're bringing the new.
We thank you that all old things have passed away and behold, everything is becoming new that you're bringing rivers in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
I thank you that your word in Jeremiah 24 seven says I will give them hearts that recognize me as the Lord.
They will be my people and I will be their God for they will return to me wholeheartedly.
Lord, I thank you that tonight that you would send your kind mercy kiss to comfort every one of these ladies and even those that are watching the replay.
Just like you promised you were would your word declares that and someone 1976.
So what I just thank you that you would help them to feel just your Holy Spirit just wrapping their wrapping around them right now that your presence would just come and wash over every one of these.
Even just Susie where she's at at work on that you would just just really minister to every area where you might be nudging them to confess.
Any kind of sin, even if they think it's small God that they would just bring that before you and confess that to you but also confess that to someone that is trustworthy.
Like tonight the girl the ladies confessing in the groups or even in our Facebook group confessing God we thank you that you would help us.
As your daughters to be planted by streams of living water that our roots would grow deep down into the water and the root system and that we would just be a flourishing tree.
God that we would bear fruit in season and out of season God. I thank you Lord that any area where just there was lifelessness and death and destruction and despair God we thank you that you would just breathe on those now.
And just bring hope and life and joy and peace. God yes Lord. Thank you Lord that you would just continue to till the soil of our hearts.
And just help us to what comes up in my, my spirit there's a scripture I can't recall where it's from but God says that he would soften the heart and hearts that he would remove the heart and hearts from within us, and putting us a heart that's
soft and pliable to him and so Lord we just thank you that you, you would do that tonight. God that you would Lord help us to give you permission to come in and bring that softening and that that refreshing and that anointing oil that would flow down all over us.
Thank you. That's all nine nine says all who are oppressed might come to you as a shelter in the time of trouble perfect hiding place I thank you God.
that you would bring. I keep hearing joy unspeakable and full of glory, God, in the
place where there's been anger and frustration and even any kind of self-hatred or self-pity.
God, I'm hearing that some of these ladies might be struggling with that or have struggled with
that in their lives. God, I thank you that you would bring confidence in who you are and who
they are in you as well. And that you would help them to hear what your spirit is saying about
them. Hi, Candice. Hi. Welcome back. And Lord, I just thank you that you would just continue to
refine us. And Lord, even as your word declares that you would sift us as wheat and that you
would remove all the chaff and you would leave that, that which is good and purposeful, the
wheat that can be used to bring nourishment to others. I thank you, Lord, that your word declares
in 1 Peter 5, 8, stay alert, watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a
roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Lord, I thank you that you would help us to
recognize the enemy at the door and that we would stop him in his tracks, that we would no longer
align ourselves with his lies and his deceit. We know that he is an accuser of the brethren.
He goes around trying to accuse us and he roars like a lion, but he's not the lion. So Lord, we
just thank you that you would help us to discern between the voice of the enemy and God, your voice
and our own voice, whether those are voices that have come through brokenness and pain,
God help us to know, help us to hear and perceive it. Yes, Lord.
Yes, yes, yes, yes. We thank you, Lord, that where the enemy has tried to come in like a
flood into our lives, that you would cause them to flee seven ways. And that includes in our minds,
Lord, we know that our minds can be such a battlefield and that our tongue can be like a
wildfire. So Lord, help us to tame our tongues, help us to take control of the things that we're
saying and doing, help us to also control our minds, but God, that you would help us to guard
our hearts and our minds through Christ Jesus. You tell us that we have the ability and the
authority through the blood of Jesus Christ and his power to do that. So Lord, we just thank you
that we can take every thought captive and make it obedient to Jesus Christ. Welcome back. Welcome
back. I think we have everyone back. Yeah, here we go. All right. We were just missing a few.
All right. Who is willing? I know this is the hard one. Who's willing to share with the whole
group? Oh, Katie. I see Katie. Yeah, go for it. Yeah. So I was, I was on the call earlier today
and I kind of shared something, but a different phrase has come to mind with it. So when I was
younger, I had, there was a guy in my life who like we were on our road to a relationship. We
weren't actually committed anything or hadn't gone anywhere like physically or anything like that, but
he was significant in my life. And then he said something that really emotionally hurt me.
And out of the reaction to that, I just wanted, I wanted to have a reaction. And I, most of my life
have been kind of a goody two shoes and I, I sort of hate people calling me that. I also have sort
of a rebellious side. So it was like that tension in me. And so I remember that this circumstance
was the first time I used this phrase in my life and then have used it later, but I just really
wanted to do the safest stupidest thing I could do. So still kind of erring on the side of safety,
but also just something that felt so untethered from like my normal,
what people would have reacted, seen from me and ended up calling a guy
from work who I had no interest in whatsoever, but he was interested in me and just used him
and just ended up like having coffee with him and making out with him that night.
But that phrase just has popped in my head this afternoon, this evening, like the safest stupidest
thing. And that became a phrase I started using more and more in my life. And as the more I used
it as a justification, the less safe things became and the more stupid they became.
Hmm. Thank you for sharing. I think the biggest thing here that I,
that's coming up just as you were sharing is.
The goody two shoes warring against the rebellious side and just really asking the Lord, like why, why is that war within, you know, is it because you didn't feel like you had enough freedom as a kid, because I think that a lot of young kids when they,
even if their parents are trying to be loving if the parents are over controlling.
Don't let them have a lot of freedom to try new things or explore whatever it can be very confining. And so they tend to grow up with a, you know that rebellion and some kids have it, irregardless but it sounds to me like maybe that's where that war
began because you're trying to be so good and follow all the rules, but then there's this other side that like you don't want that.
And doesn't mean you don't want it at all but it's that you were maybe forced on this side of being good good good good that you like when we don't feel like we have the freedom to make a mistake, it can turn again when that that good good good good is over
extended, it can create this then flow of you want to rebel.
That makes sense. Did I explain that okay that you guys are following me. All right, so if you guys are in that place where you also can relate to her.
You know, if you've got that war going on within asked the Lord like you know did that get ever extended, you know, was there times when I felt like I couldn't, I couldn't be free to be myself in or whatever and just see where the Lord takes you on those things.
So good. So good and you know, I'm hearing the Lord say to he wants to give you a course correct course correction, and not in a bad way. Like, I imagine like I was just kind of grinning because safest stupidest thing I think, you know, we kind of like go on this course
and we go on a path and, and I just think God wants to get in the car with you and kind of correct that that path and just really redo that whole framework, if you will.
So just just be open to that, you know that I think God wants to give you a whole new phrase and everything.
When he makes us new ladies he makes it all new. So just just be open to that. All right, Elizabeth, go ahead.
Yeah, so, um, I just felt led to share like, I think, you know, God brought this program to me at such a timely time.
I was sharing with the ladies like one of the biggest lies that I had struggled with my whole life that God, you know, has been revealing like over and over and over is that I have felt responsible for others, and responsible for like my family and the addiction
in my family the losses in my family. And so then that would like bleed into other relationships and other friendship.
And I wouldn't even like, because of that lie I wouldn't feel worthy to have like my own relationship with another man.
So, that wasn't even like, like I didn't, I didn't even give myself permission for that like marriage family that wasn't even like in the equation until recently.
So, it's been very very emotional and like very revealing but like God has been showing me like, like, is a desire of yours, but because this of this lie, and how many layers there are to it.
He's been pulling that out of me and I feel like praise God I feel like way less responsible for others way less responsible for my family, to where I can actually enter into like walk through that door that he's inviting me into so yeah.
Thank you for sharing Rochelle said here whoa I struggle with the same thing to thank you for sharing so I wanted you to, to hear that.
Who else can relate to feeling responsible for other people and I see two other ladies, let's see who else Gina and john I don't want to lose you guys.
Yeah, I mean, how many times or again, maybe we did. I can maybe it was last Monday I talked about that a little bit. Yeah, I do so many different things with prayer call and stuff I can never remember where I say stuff so sorry, I'm sorry if I repeat things
and you guys hear it more than once but hopefully just absorb it more.
Okay, so if you have felt responsible for other people tonight I'm going to add just
even right now, like, I just want you guys to kind of like, imagine a backpack on your
back. And I just want you to like, take it off yourself. Like, I know that sounds so
simple, but like, literally like, even throughout the rest of the night, when you get off this
session, I just want you to kind of keep imagining, like, I am putting these backpacks, whatever
they are. So maybe the backpack, like how Elizabeth was sharing. Yeah. I feel the Holy
Spirit on that. Elizabeth sharing, like, you know, about the addictions and, you know,
the losses in the family or whatever it was like, and at some point, believing you all,
we believe that we were a part of that. Like we had some, like kids so often believe, like,
if I had done this differently, dad wouldn't have left. Or if I had done this differently,
mom wouldn't have drank too much or whatever. Again, I'm just kind of spitballing a little
bit here, but like, that's so not true. That person wasn't healthy. You all, that wasn't
our responsibility. It's never been our responsibility. So this week, tonight, this whole week, I just
want you guys to keep thinking like every time one of these things comes up and the
Lord shows you just like, yep. Thank you, father. I get to take this off. Like I was
never intended to carry this. So I'm just going to take it off. If it helps you to have an actual
code on did practice that, like that kind of activation of getting it off yourself,
do whatever, this is what activating means ladies. If you don't know, it's just like
doing something that makes it almost tangible to experience it. Okay. And partnering with the
words that are released. So if you, if that's you and you need to come out from under that stuff,
I encourage you to do that in some way this week. Thank you so much for sharing Elizabeth.
I know it takes courage. I'm so proud of you guys. Jen, go ahead.
All right. Oh, that's right. The thing that, so I just confessed really is that
one of the things I've realized, especially since I started this is that I have pretty much told
myself that I was content and happy. And like, I really didn't like, it was okay.
If I never get married, which is, you know, partly true, but what we said,
the hardest thing, like what I really, what the Lord has really been showing me is like, I,
you know, it's mostly because I don't want to be disappointed anymore. So I don't trust him.
I'm just like, I don't want to let my hope. I don't want to let my hope go there
because I don't want to not trust him. And we were just saying like how,
and all three of us said that we kind of has struggled with that, that,
you know, that we could even believe that God is good to other people, but that we somehow
feel like he's just not good for us. And I just said, you know,
a few years ago when I first read that scripture in Psalms, it says no good thing. Does he withhold
from those who walk up rightly? Like, I just felt very not true at all for me. And so then,
you know, it's just like, well, is it not true because I'm not upright enough? Like I'm not
getting, or is God not good? Like either I'm not good or God's not good to me. Like he might be
good to other people, but it's just not good to me. And, um, and I feel like it's just been like,
I feel like I, that I kind of live with this expectation. This kind of came out like that
and just kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop and like trying to prove,
like not believe, because I just don't want to get hurt anymore. You know,
just like try to protect myself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So good. Gosh, so much, so much good in there,
what you were sharing, the place I want to go first is, uh, this no good thing. Does he withhold?
I'm going to look into that tonight when we jump off here, because what came up in my spirit is
sometimes, you know, I'm not saying it's taken out of context, but sometimes, you know, if,
if a scripture was meant in the context of one framework, but we take it and apply it to other
areas, it doesn't make that scripture not true ladies, but there are times where the enemy will
use that scripture to torment us when that's actually was not the meaning and the intention
when it was originally used. And so I'm not saying that that applies to the scripture,
but that came up in my spirit. So I really just want to kind of look at like what was going on.
before and after that scripture was used and what was the context and how was God really like,
what was God saying in that whole thing? And then the other thing is just
when we're looking at stuff like this, where when you said, the reality is when you kind of
unpack this, you realize you don't trust the Lord, you know, and maybe we trust him in certain
areas, but when we're really honest, this is, and that's why I said, before you guys even went into
this part, it's so, it's like so important to be fully honest with God, fully honest with yourself
and fully honest with others. And when I say fully honest with others, y'all safe people.
Okay. Cause if, if someone's a fool and they're not safe, you're not going to want to go and
bury your soul to them. Okay. So just want to make sure that's there too. Um, but like,
God is big enough for us to be honest with him. And the reality is, is he already knows it.
And he loves us enough that he's just trying to like draw us in and like, let me help you see
this differently. And it's not because he's trying to force us to look at things that, you know, like
something that's not true, but he's trying to reveal like, where did the lens,
like, where did you get the lens that will, he would hold scripture.
Sorry. Um, I don't know what that was for. Sorry. Oh, thank you. I think somebody put that in there.
Um, so when we're looking at things through the lens of the past or when did God, when was the
first time? Okay, here we go. Thank you, Lord. When was the first time you felt like you sat
and watched other people get what you wanted and you didn't get it? Y'all. I coached someone
recently. Um, it went all the way back to when she was like four years old. I'm not kidding.
Sometimes y'all there's stuff that's it's just, it's so deep down in us that we don't even know
it's there. And, uh, her siblings used to tease her. She had a learning disorder and, uh, the mom
favored the sister. And I won't go on, but like the reality is, is sometimes it's, you know,
we perceive things through the brokenness. So there was a situation that she went through
in the home. And so from that moment on, everything that she looked at went through that
lens. Does that make sense? So when we are in life and situations, even if we don't want to look
through those lenses, if we don't know they're there, how could we know that we're looking
through that lens? Cause we might even forget that that even happened. And so that's where
just again, pausing like, Lord, like when was the first time that I started telling myself,
I would just be okay. If I never got married because I'm actually afraid that I won't get
married. I mean, if, if we're honest, I mean, you know, I know it probably seems like hard to
imagine I'm married now, but you, I, I felt these things and I thought those things. I mean, when I
kept making the same mistakes over and over, I'm like, what in the world? But then I started
really like unpacking it. Like, why, why do I pick guys that talk down to me? Why do I pick guys that
I'm just, and even friendships, you all I've had, I've been even again in this last year, really
looking at my friendships, like, and I love my friends. I love them. I will do anything for them.
But the problem is, is if I'm just giving, giving, giving, giving all the time,
then something's out of balance. We should have friendships that are reciprocal as well.
Same thing with our spirit mates and people that we date. Yeah. So where did this stuff come in?
When did we first not trust the Lord to give us good things too? And, and did it start with just
God or did it start with our parents or somewhere else that we saw someone doing something good for
someone else? And we were left out and we believe the lie that that was how life was going to be
for us. And so we just started telling ourselves that story. This is how life's always going to be.
I'm never really going to get, I'm going to get close, but I'm really not going to get close
enough to actually get it. So it's just better off. If I just tell myself. I'm good. I don't
even need it. God, I'm good with.
But see, he knows the desires of your heart and he loves you enough to draw you here for
such a time as this.
For healing and freedom and redemption.
So many good things happening tonight, ladies.
Gina, I would love to hear what you have to say.
So we really talk, it's, this is, I'm trying not to cry here.
So we did really talk about how, you know, one of the, one of the things that, that,
you know, we do is we, we kind of put on this front, right?
Like we've, you know, in our group, like almost like we're big fat liars, you know, and, and
from my perspective, you know, my words were, I always felt like I was a chameleon.
I lived in, I haven't, you know, my parents split up when we were really young.
So I can still relate to the four-year-old because there were things that happened in
my life at four years old that carried through my adulthood.
And, and I lived with so many different family members until I was in foster care at 15.
And so when you kind of bounce from home to home to home, you know, you can, so many different
things can happen.
And I know for my siblings each did, you know, reacted to it differently, but I was a middle
child and I was actually pretty quiet.
And so I internalized everything and literally became a chameleon.
I was whatever I was expected to be wherever I happened to be at the moment.
And I, and I took that into every relationship.
So I was never really me.
I took that into my marriage when I was married.
And then as the Lord started to kind of work in me, holy cow, I was a totally different
person.
Right.
So yeah, it's, you know, when you, I had to remind myself, you know, when, when I split
up with my husband, you know, how it was so easy to blame him, but the truth was I wasn't
honest.
Right.
I never told him he knew part of my story, but he didn't know all of my story.
And when I started to express all of my story, like he just couldn't handle it.
You know, his responses were, were not what I was expecting.
Well, what did I expect?
Right.
I expected someone who could, you know, I'm so sorry that happened to you instead of it
was all about him.
And, and I, and I had to own the fact that I set the stage for that because I wasn't
willing to allow him to see who I really was because I had never felt safe to do that anywhere.
Yeah.
Wow.
That is so good.
You all, I can tell you, I've led this session so many times and the chameleon has never
come up and it came up twice tonight.
You said it.
And then someone said they talked about it in their group too.
So I feel like God's really speaking that for a reason tonight.
If you think of a chameleon, you know, they change all different colors, right.
To blend into their habitat for a lot of different reasons.
They do it to also, you know, when danger comes, right.
Isn't that part of, I'd have to look, I'm not, I'm not a science girl y'all, but if
I'm not mistaken, that's part of why they do that.
So it makes sense that when you would go from home to home to home or whatever the
situation there that to protect yourself, a self-preservation technique would be to
try to blend in, stay quiet, you know, all the different things you mentioned.
But I also want to bring out what I heard the Lord say, I wrote it down.
What color were you created to be?
To ask yourself, Lord, what color was I created to be?
And I know that like, sounds like a simplistic answer.
I'm not saying necessarily a color, the color represents who did God originally create you
to be?
That's what I'm trying to get at.
Ladies, who did God originally create you to be?
What, what did he want your temperament like?
You know, how did he want you to engage with the world?
You know, did he want you to be vibrant and enjoy life and color and, you know, or, you
know, were there other things and it's okay for, you know, we need people that are more
quiet and introspective for people that are very boisterous and loud.
We balance each other out, right?
There's so much good in all of us, but the enemy just comes so quick when we're little
to try to just squash that stuff in us or to like, cause it to not like a flower, you
know, when a flower.
is coming up out of the ground. If that's not protected, and if a frost comes too quick,
that will stump that flower's ability to grow, right? So if you think about it, that's kind of
what the enemy, one of the tactics is he comes in early, as early as he can, to try to stump the
growth. But God is so much more bigger and powerful than all of that stuff, you all, so he can come in
and redeem all of that. And he can come in and he can give life to those areas that felt like
they were never going to grow and you lost a part of yourself. Well, guess what? God's on the throne
and he's about to give that part of your life right back to you. I'm serious. God's doing some
really amazing. So he's always amazing, but there's some stuff that he's releasing from heaven in this
day and time that we just can't even comprehend it. And he is in the business of redeeming our
timelines, you all, and coming in and Jesus is waiting. He just, you know, he's a gentleman. So
he waits for us to invite him. He's always there. The blood's always available, but when we gain
insight, like, oh my gosh, I forgot I went through this. One of you all, I'm sorry, I don't forget
your name. I forget your names, but someone had a memory of drowning kind of like when you were
younger. And now you remember, well, God wants to heal that. He wants to heal that. And I imagine
maybe one day he wants you to be so comfortable in water and swim. That's what I imagine. I'm not
saying you have to do that, but just, you know, where we are so healed that whatever that situation
is, the opposite would be our story in the days ahead. So many good things, you all.
What color were you created to be? I think I have one other hand, Christine. I don't want to miss you.
We have five more minutes if you can share, and then I will kind of close this up tonight.
Yeah, it was actually a question, uh, created back to the passage, um, from Psalm 84. I've
like wrestled through that scripture, uh, years ago. And then I kind of arrived at this, like,
okay, what is a good thing? Like singleness can be a good thing. Marriage can be a good thing.
And I really have a hard time answering the question. Like to me in scripture,
marriage is not promised. Like we're promised the presence of God. So I was just curious
when you do, um, when you, when you do this work with people, like, how do you,
how do you address that? Like marriage isn't promised to us, but what I'm hearing here is
like, there's hope that God can provide that. But how do you like honestly face that it's not a
promise to us in scripture? Like we're not guaranteed it. Well, we're not guaranteed any
promise, right? If you think about it, cause what you're kind of saying is it's not really
promised to us. So why and how could it come to pass? That's really what you're saying
to me. I'm saying like the promises of God, like the character of God that stands true in scripture,
like those, and the things that God promises will come true in the world to me that like,
those are very clear in scripture, but getting like God, I don't believe that God has promised
marriage to everyone, according to scripture. But he does say that for those that love him,
he will give them the desires of their heart. Is it, you know, like you have to think a little
bit beyond just the law and what is written. Like God comes to bless and to give it abundant,
like abundant life, abundant stuff. He doesn't like you have Abraham and Sarah walking around
in the desert and he takes them to a land that not only do they live in, but they had,
they had so many crops and they had so much abundance that lot had to go live somewhere
else because they had too much to exist in one place together. So what all I'm kind of
trying to say is to kind of get you to expand, like how you're looking at scripture, like,
yes, I, 100% the Bible is the Bible. Nothing's going to change the way that it's written and
what it says, but the way we interpret it, you have to remember the same lens that we're looking
at life through we're looking at the word through too. And so if there's any legalism or any like
where the enemy lied to us and said, Nope, you can't have this. Nope. You can't have this. This
isn't for you. Well, when you read scripture, that's kind of how you're going to interpret
through to until that part is healed. And so, I mean, really, I'm going to, I'm going to toss it
back in your court and say, do you believe that God wants to bless you with marriage?
I mean, that's a great question. I can ponder that. That's part of my wrestling in this
whole course is that I'm like, I'm dead serious. I've walked with Jesus since I was nine and
I'm like, you know, there's suffering and the promise of his presence and the things
that are true about his character. But I'm just kind of like, I mean, Psalm 37, four
has plagued me as well as Psalm 84, 11 for years, because I'm just like, well, yeah.
I'm like, he said the desires of your heart, but I'm like, I don't know.
That's good is different than our good. So I agree with you. But I think the thing is
again, maybe just go back as you're healing. Don't, don't try to look at it too much right
now, but as you keep going through this healing process, I would encourage you to go back
and say, Lord, is there anything different you want to show me about these scriptures?
Now that I've healed some more than maybe what I saw before, because we can know, we
can know scripture through and through you all. I can know it. I know it and know it
and know it. But then tomorrow wake up and read a scripture that I read not that long
ago. And all of a sudden God shows me another layer of it, another understanding, you know,
we know in part, because like we see in part, like we, we can't comprehend the mysteries
of heaven as they truly are. We only know them in part. So even though we, you can,
I mean, I've been saved, I don't know how old am I got saved 1998. So however old it's
2023. So you can figure it out. I'm sorry. But like, I've been saved a long time too.
And I'm, I'm not trying to diminish what you're saying, but like, sometimes we're, we get
so hung up on, I know the truth of this scripture and this is what it says to me. But we forget
that we go from glory to glory, to glory. Like we go from healing to healing. Like God
is always transforming and renewing our minds. Well, if he does, and if that scripture is true,
then my belief yesterday of the word can change by like, not completely, but like, if I'm
healing, don't you think we're going to look at things a little differently? I know for
sure. There's some scriptures I look at a lot different now. You know, I never used
to believe that people could get divorced and remarried until I went through divorce.
We change, we change when we go through stuff and God shows us new understanding. And so
I would just encourage any of you guys, you know, the purity culture years ago that I
kissed dating goodbye. If you grew up in that, you know, I'm going to encourage you to kind
of ask the Lord to help you let go of that. Some, I'm not saying go out and not be make
good choices. Okay. But like sometimes you're, you're kind of like, you're so in that vein
that you can't even see what God wants to give you over here. Does that make sense?
Hope I'm making sense y'all. All right. We got to close up tonight. Great question. Great
question. Theological stuff. If I was more prepared, I would have a good old Greek and
Hebrew, whatever it applies to give you, but we can lean into that more together. Let let's
do this. Let's kiss some lies. Goodbye tonight. Let's kiss some sin. Goodbye tonight. Instead
of all that stuff. And let's focus there this week and see what, what, how does God want
to break us free? Like, where does he want to give us new revelation, new understanding,
new life? Cause he wants to give it and give it abundantly. Father, thank you so much for
these amazing women. Thank you God for truth. God, we don't understand and it's okay. God,
where we don't have belief. Give us faith. Give us eyes to see, give us ears to hear
God. I pray that you would even give revelation and in regards to those scriptures, God, if
we look at them in any way, that is not the way you want us to see them. It's not the
way heaven wants us to see that. Help us to have a deeper understanding of it tonight.
And in the days ahead, help us to know God, your heart for us. God, if we wrestle with,
with God, do you want me to be married? Is that a promise you have for my life? God,
I pray that you would help these ladies to hear your voice louder than any other voice.
God, I thank you for the plans and the promises and, and the future that you have for them.
God, I pray that you would help them to shed layers of pain, to release into your care,
the sins, the mistakes that they've made and allow you to transform them from the inside out.
Jesus, we thank you that you shed your blood on the cross.
us. You allowed your body to be broken for the forgiveness of
our sins for our freedom for our redemption for our healing. Let
it be so Lord wash over them with waves of grace and healing
and peace tonight and Jesus name a man. We love you guys. We'll
see you in the group and then again be back next Monday at
one o'clock Eastern and 8pm Eastern. See you guys later.
Bye.
Thank you.