Hi, good evening, everyone.
Sorry, I'm a minute or so behind.
We have someone trying to lead a session in another group
and they could not get in.
I was trying to help them get situated as well.
So thank you for your patience.
If you've never met me before, my name is Bethany Cooper.
I'm one of our HeartWork coaches here in last year single.
And I know I'm thinking we have several new ladies
on tonight.
I think we'll have more coming to join us here soon.
Just put in the chat if you're new so I can say hi to you,
make sure I know, kind of see some of the names and faces
and start making some connections there for you.
If you're new, I'm just gonna kind of let you know
the layout of the land.
When we do live sessions, we always do housekeeping
at the beginning.
Those are just some things we need to let you know about
or make sure you guys are keeping these
in the forefront of your mind.
And then I'll pray and we'll start to talk
about some content.
I'll do that first and then I'll open it up for y'all
to go into breakout sessions.
When you go into breakout sessions,
you are probably gonna go into a room with some people
you might not know.
If you've been in the group for several weeks,
you might know some people.
But I wanna encourage you all, even if you feel fear
or you feel scared to not stay quiet,
I guess is all I'm trying to say,
to encourage you to share and to open up.
This is part of coming out of hiding.
If you guys were on the session last week,
encourage you guys to turn your cameras on,
even if you don't have your makeup done.
If you're cooking or driving, obviously I get it, we get it.
But you guys are practicing coming out of hiding
in the HeartWork program and journey
so that you can get prepared to do that more and more
in the days ahead as well.
So that's just a little way you can activate that.
Let us see you and it will be good.
So tonight, welcome to our new ladies.
I can't remember if I even already said that or not,
but we're glad you're here.
It's been awesome to see all the excitement with new ladies
and even excitement with our ladies
that have been in for a few weeks.
Even some of you struggled, maybe got sick
and you're hanging in there, you're doing it.
And you're continuing to show up
and let God work in your heart and life.
And that is a win.
I hope you guys celebrate yourself for that.
The fact that you are showing up tonight,
that you celebrate these things.
So many times in life, we don't take enough time
to celebrate our wins.
And so that's what I wanna encourage you.
Celebrate your wins.
Yeah, you might face some struggles in this process
because heart healing is legit, it's real.
And sometimes it is hard, but it's gonna be worth it.
So hang in there and God has something great
in store for you.
I wanna talk a little bit about distractions.
I know Jackie covered that in the orientation
for those of you that have already had
and like went to the live orientation.
You're gonna face all kinds of distractions.
You're gonna have things coming out of the woodwork
that you're like, where in the world is this coming from?
I haven't talked to this person in forever.
Maybe needy people surfacing, kids just,
not that we don't wanna take care of our kids,
but kids might be more needy than normal
or have more fights or all kinds of stuff,
distractions at work.
Stay the course, stay the course and keep showing up
and let God meet you in the middle of the distraction
and help you keep moving forward.
Evangeline, yes, our heart work check-ins
are typically no less than an hour and 15,
but because we start having you all share
and we try to coach you through it,
we typically go about an hour and a half, you all.
So if you need to hop off before that, it is okay.
Come back and check the rest of the replay out
whenever you can.
So it's not like I'm sitting here checking off who's on,
who's off, all that kind of stuff.
You guys gotta do that on your own,
kind of just leading yourself in that process.
And then the last housekeeping item
that I really felt led to talk about
is it's important to balance healing with care and release
is the way I'm kind of saying it.
And so what I mean by that is a couple different things.
As you're going through the heart work process,
some of you guys are gonna be processing
some trauma you've never looked at before.
Some of you have worked on trauma for a while
and you're like,
I really don't wanna go back through that again,
but I'm trusting the Lord.
And just need a reminder that self-care is super important.
So you want to make sure you're drinking plenty of water,
that you're getting extra rest.
You all need to get like extra rest if you can.
Even if it's an extra 30 minutes or 15
or taking a nap here and there,
your body as it processes trauma needs extra rest.
extra sleep. Um, also, um, if I didn't say it already eating healthier,
so less junk food, less sugar, getting your body moving. And, uh,
we don't go into saying what brands or what kind we don't,
we don't do any kind of medical advice, but one thing I,
I want to share with you all is detox tea is very helpful in your process
of heart healing and processing trauma. So that can be helpful.
Um, and Epsom salt soaks and all those kinds of things that are very natural and
healthy for your body to get rid of toxins. And, um,
on that note,
kind of why I mentioned that is because when you process trauma or when we go,
let me start here. When we go through any kind of trauma, when we're young,
when we're older, um, our body,
our cells actually store some of that up in them. Okay.
So as you're processing your cells are actually going to be letting go of
trauma. That's part of what, how healing happens.
So allow your body to process that stuff and, and get that out.
And then the other thing is, um, have fun.
If you didn't hear Jackie's supernatural Saturday, uh, on this past Saturday,
some of you guys just came in on the last day or so definitely check that out.
Um, it is so important for you to laugh, have fun.
The Bible declares that laughter is good medicine.
Watch some funny movies. You all, even when you don't feel like it,
just put it on, watch some funny stuff,
let yourself laugh and release that way as well. Okay.
That's my housekeeping for you tonight. Again, welcome for our new ladies.
We're so glad you're here. I'm going to go ahead and pray for us, father.
Thank you so much for just everything you've already done in a
short amount of time. Some of these ladies have been in here a few weeks.
Some are just entering some a week or so Lord, wherever they're at,
thank you God for all that you've already accomplished. Even some that, man,
they're just, they're saying, I don't feel a breakthrough yet,
but I'm just moving forward. Lord,
I thank you that you are the God of the breakthrough.
We thank you that where your spirit is, there is liberty. There's freedom.
So Holy spirit, we ask you to come and bring freedom tonight.
We ask you to bring things that are in darkness to the light so they can be real
revealed for healing. So there can be restoration. There can be, um,
just transformation from the inside out. Lord,
we know that your word declares that by the renewing of our minds,
God, that all things can pass away. Behold,
everything can become new and our minds represent our hearts. So Lord,
we thank you for healing our hearts a little bit more tonight.
Bring insight and revelation from heaven in Jesus name. Amen.
So I want to kick off tonight. A couple things, um, as I was kind of, again,
just meditating and praying for you all before I came on tonight. Um,
this was not something I shared in our daytime session,
but I felt led to bring this up this evening.
When y'all are reading in the book, if you're not here yet, don't worry,
you'll read it. But it is about when, you know, the,
the Lord of the flies, when Jackie talks about that and how, um,
the whole process of what a fly does. And I,
I felt led to read this tonight because late throughout the night,
we're going to be talking about lies and some ways they can take root and
somehow sometimes how they show up in relationships in our lives.
But this is what I want to read to you.
What flies do is they find an unhealed wound,
a sore or someplace of decomposition,
and they lay their eggs inside of that place.
They do this. So when the eggs hatch,
the larvae will have an unlimited food source.
These unhealed heart wounds,
traumas and rejections become an ideal place for the enemy to sow his seeds,
which are the lies because our hearts are fertile wombs,
remember, and anything that gets in there reproduces.
Okay.
So as you all are processing and we're nudging you to ask the
Lord to reveal the root lie, where did this lie begin?
What was the first trauma that birth that lie where that,
like as this describes the enemy came in and he planted the lie,
planted the larvae,
and then it started to grow because potentially there was already trauma there.
Um, or it was just such a great trauma that you,
you were not able to comprehend it, process it, all of the things.
And so, um,
it's important that you're not trying to dig in this process,
that you're continuing to ask the Lord to reveal things for healing and to trust
what he reveals. Sometimes when you all pray,
um, you're going to see an image.
You might not fully understand what it is.
You need to journal that and write it down and ask the Lord,
what are you trying?
to show me through this image.
And then sometimes that will connect to a memory.
So be really good at not dismissing things, even if you don't think it's
connected, because there's a lot of times where things are way more connected than
you all really understand in that moment.
So if you're asking the Lord and you're just not sure if you're hearing him,
that's okay, write down what you're, what you're seeing, what you're hearing,
the memories that are coming up and let him be the great doc connector.
He's amazing at it.
He will help you connect the dots over time.
Okay.
All right.
So the next thing we're going to go into, I'm sorry, I have this little itch in my
nose.
This was not happening before I started.
So I don't know what that's about, but I don't mean to keep touching my face
while we're talking here.
Um, I want to talk about unconscious, uh, contracts tonight.
So we're going to go into this a little bit more.
Um, what is an unconscious conscious contract?
So what, what I mean by that is all relationships in our lives are based on
our brokenness or our health, like every relationship we have, there's some kind
of unconscious contract or agreement that we're making in connection with that
person, whether we realize it or not, especially if you all have had any kind
of, um, sexual relations, all of that kind of stuff.
Now that connects to soul ties.
We're not going to go into that tonight, but I do think, um, that just came right
up in my spirit.
So I felt like that was important to mention it.
I want to say hi to all of our ladies on Facebook too.
Hi, Larissa.
Some of them aren't able to join us on zoom.
And so they listen on Facebook and we love to hear from you as well.
Um, so y'all are looking at relationships in general and you're processing the
heartwork.
One of the things I really felt impressed on in the last day or so to bring up with
you all is for you to just pause tonight and take an inventory on your current
relationships.
So what I mean by that is I want you to think about some of your closest
friendships, your family, your coworkers, anybody, even with your kids.
Um, I think I saw today I was responding.
I'm trying to catch up on our, our heartwork check-in y'all, just so you
know, please don't go in and delete.
Even if, even if your thing doesn't have a response on it yet, we will get to you.
I promise.
So don't panic.
Okay.
Don't panic.
Even when you post in the, in the group and it's not approved yet.
Our team's catching up.
Mondays are always real busy.
So just know we'll get, we'll get there.
We'll get to you.
But, um, you know, is there any, um, where was I going with that?
Oh, like even with your children, some of you might have a strange relationships
with your children, all that kind of stuff.
So let's take some inventory on your current relationships.
I also felt led to mention some of you have literally had friends
that have walked out on you.
Like out of nowhere, y'all were cruising along.
You were, you were great friends.
And then out of nowhere, it kind of felt like that.
At least they just decided they didn't have time for you and they didn't see value
in investing in your friendship anymore.
And God wants to heal that tonight.
God wants to heal those broken places from friendships that are broken and
unhealthy and people that just walked out on you.
So maybe that's even a husband, a former husband, a spouse,
wherever that hits tonight.
Uh, that's not exactly connected with where I'm going, but I put that in the
sidebar because the Holy spirit told me someone that's going to be on tonight
has had a friend or someone literally walk out on them and the father sees you.
And he wants you to know that he wants to heal those places because whether you
realize it or not, those wounds are holding you back.
They're holding you back.
So in Jesus name, we just speak peace and forgiveness in those
situations and relationships.
All right.
So as we're moving on, are the release and relationships in your life reciprocal?
That's what I want you guys to think about when you're looking at these
relationships, these core relationships that are in your circle, there are people
you spend the most time with are these relationships in your life, reciprocal.
And some of you, I feel like even are right now, you're like, man, I don't
have any friends to hang out with.
So this doesn't apply to me.
I want you to really expand.
Some of y'all are, even if you don't see the people a lot, you're messaging a lot
of people, you're, you're, you're pouring out and pouring out and pouring out on
them because you so deeply want family and friends and connection, and that's a
good thing.
And God wants you to know, like the reason we're looking at this tonight is
he wants to heal wounds of abandonment, rejection, and people that really
struggle with takers, people that are big givers and they struggle with takers.
And then also if you kind of fall into.
the category of a taker. Maybe it's just because on health and you're, you know, you're afraid.
And so you're kind of always, you're needing and needing and needing from people. There's
no shame in that because you're going to get healing too tonight. Okay. So wherever you
find yourself, let's just be honest with ourselves and with the Lord and lean in and grab healing
wherever he wants to give it to you. So what I mean by, are your relationships in your
life reciprocal? This is what I mean. Do both people give to each other? Is there,
it could also look like a healthy, like one person gives, they take, then the other person's
giving like there's just a, a mutual giving and taking, you know, where it feels equal
or are a lot of your relationships lopsided? Do you have a lot of relationships where people
are taking more than they're giving? And even if they're not a majority, you have a
couple big ones that that's what, what category they fall into. People that you're giving
a lot of your time to a lot of your energy, a lot of your effort, and you just are left
feeling empty and that it's not coming back. It's not coming back to you. And so those
are the things I want you to be asking yourself about. Are you in the healing process at,
or excuse me, as you're in this healing process, I want to encourage you to also ask the Lord
to give you wisdom on who to share your process with. I'm going to encourage some of you to
guard your hearts and your spirits during this time, because, and even, even for some
of you, you're about to finish week five and you're about to go into phase two and
start dating, or maybe even just processing the concept of dating. Even if you don't go
right into dating, like really ask the Lord, who is a safe person for me to share this
with? This community is a safe community for sure. But some of you all, you're so excited.
You're going to be experiencing some breakthrough, some healing, all kinds of stuff. And some
people cannot comprehend it sincerely. And they don't mean bad. They don't mean harm,
but sometimes they will say things that are very disheartening and can totally deflate
what God is trying to do in you. Especially if you have, uh, the love language of words
of affirmation, or you're really needing, you know, some like solid grounding with friends
and family. And you're looking for that affirmation from them to affirm that what you're doing
is good. God's already told you it's good. Okay. So I want to encourage you guys to kind
of kind of keep that in mind so that you can, it's not about putting walls up. This is about
just kind of walking in extra wisdom during this time that not everyone is going to be
able to cheer you on the way that you want them to or need them to during this time.
Some of you all are going to need to set some healthy boundaries where they're needed. And
Jackie talks a lot about, um, walls and we don't want to have a lot of walls. So as soon
as I say the word boundaries, people kind of relate that to walls. And so this is something
I, this came to me earlier today and I thought, well, that's really good. I don't know if
I've ever thought about it like that. So this is what I'm going to give you tonight as well.
Imagine a boundary is more like you're somewhere on this cement. There's two people and you
take a piece of chalk and you just draw a line between the two of you. It's just the line.
It's just a boundary line. You're not putting up walls. You don't have to cut everybody out.
That's not what we're asking. That's not even wise counsel. Um, but what I'm asking you all to do
and through the power of the Holy spirit, I'm like that you would ask him, is there anyone I need to
set some healthy boundaries with? Do I struggle to say no to people? Do I struggle to say not
today? And did you all know that no and not today are not bad words. They're not bad words. They're
actually powerful and life-giving when used in the right way. And then that some of you,
that you would start saying yes to yourself more in the body of Christ. And even in relationships,
a lot of people will kind of use this word about selfish, you know, being humble and all this stuff.
Yes. We want to be humble. You all we do, but here's the reality. Sometimes we can be so humble
and so self-depleting that it becomes false humility. And then we have nothing left of
ourselves. There's nothing left. I read a quote today. My spiritual daughter shared this on her
Facebook page. I'm going to find it. I wasn't planning on sharing this, but I was telling my
husband it's, it's a great quote. Let me find it. Hold on one second.
Because it ties right into this, that's why I want to mention it.
This quote says, you didn't become selfish, you became harder to manipulate.
Don't confuse the two.
And I thought that was so powerful, it's such a simple statement.
Some of you all, you know, you tend to attract people that manipulate, that take, that tear
you down, that try to control.
And so as you're setting healthy boundaries, understand that not everybody's going to like
it.
And that's okay.
It is okay.
And again, I'm not asking you to cut, we're not asking you to cut everybody out of your
life.
We're asking you to use wisdom and all of that stuff and ask the Lord for discernment
as you're walking this out.
Okay.
All right.
So as you all are going to go into your breakout sessions, this is what I want you to share
with each other about, yeah, sometimes this is hard truth to swallow you all it's there's
good stuff in this though.
Okay.
Here's the question.
Who is someone in your life right now that is currently a taker?
And what is one boundary that you, yes, I can put that in the chat for y'all.
What is one healthy boundary you can put in place with them?
Whether it's this week, soon, when a situation arises, whatever the situation is, I'll put
that question in there for you again, who is someone, I'll say it again, sorry.
Who is someone in your life that is currently a taker?
And what is a boundary, like a healthy boundary you can put in place with them?
That's what I want you to talk to each other about.
And then I'll put that in the chat.
I'll get it ready for when you all come back.
Okay.
And if you're on Facebook, share with us, share who is someone that you need to set
healthy boundaries with.
I think that'll be good.
I'm giving you all nine minutes, that should be three people in each room, nine minutes.
So you should have three minutes each, kind of be aware, give each other space to talk.
Go ahead and click to join those.
Have fun, get to know each other.
All right, ladies on Facebook, I'm going to come over there and see what you're saying
real quick, as soon as I get everyone situated in the breakout rooms.
All right, let's see, Michelle, are you able to click to join?
I think maybe her thing is a little, there she goes.
Ivanka, I'm not sure if you can join.
It's okay if you guys can, if you need to stay here, just you can put that in the chat
for me so I can see that.
And then Paula, I see that you're still here.
If you can click to join, all right, awesome.
So let's see what y'all are saying on Facebook.
I saw some people in the chat here were also saying that they had friends who just walked
out on them.
Okay, Paula, that's totally fine.
Paula's driving, be safe driving.
Let's see here.
Joey Joy says, my best friend just vanished, I'm so sorry, I actually had that happen.
And that's kind of, as I was preparing for this session today, normally I go in a different
direction on the second week.
And I know you guys will have that content in your coursework, so you're not going to
miss out on anything.
And we'll circle to some of the heart stuff, the puzzle and all that of the heart next
week.
But the Lord just kept saying, talk to them about relationships, talk to them about relationships.
So I'm just trusting the Holy Spirit with this.
Joey Joy, one of my best friends just up and just decided one day, she was like, I don't
have time to be your friend.
So I'm not sure how you experienced it, but just in Jesus name, Lord, we just declare
healing for Joey Joy from that friendship.
And just heal any areas and lies that the enemy spoke during that time that harmed Joey
in any way.
Lord, we just thank you for reconciliation and peace within herself.
And Lord, we just thank you for closure as well.
All right, Leah, I see that you're here.
I'm going to put you in the breakout session.
They're talking about who is someone in your life that is currently a taker.
So they take a lot.
And what is a healthy boundary you can put in place with them this week?
So I'm going to go ahead and put you into room 24.
We've got two ladies in there, so you'll have time to share.
So, okay, I think she's getting in there.
And then Larissa says, yes, wow, true.
My grandmother lives with me
and she's always asked me about my love life,
but I don't tell her what's going on
because she's not positive at all.
Oh, I can relate.
I used to, my mom used to, I love my mom.
You all, she passed away back in 2022.
I had to think about that.
But she tended to be real negative too.
So I had to be careful what I shared with her
and when I shared it
and that my heart was ready to share it.
So even that, just asking the Lord
what ways to guard your heart
and when you can release information at times.
That quote, I will have to type it
because I can't look at it.
It's on my Facebook page
and I'm looking at the Facebook feed right now.
So, but I will, I'll net,
I'll put that in there as well in Facebook.
And I don't know who the quotes by because it didn't say.
I can't give credit, unfortunately.
And let's see here.
Karen Collins says, my assistant.
Are you struggling in relationship?
Your assistant's a taker?
I think that's what you're saying.
And then Martha says, for me,
it's setting healthy boundaries with work.
My career has taken such a priority in my life
for so many years that it has prevented me
from focusing on my heart's desires.
Okay, that's good.
You're recognizing that.
So let's lean into that with the Holy Spirit
and with the Lord in these next few weeks, Martha,
and ask Him.
And I think maybe I remember you and I chatting about this
in one of your posts or in the weekly roll call
a little bit as well.
But, you know, ask the Lord,
why did that become such, you know,
that center and such a priority?
And why did that consume the room, if you will?
A lot of times we can look for affirmation
and confidence in our work
if we're feeling a lack of confidence in another area.
So this is just for me.
This is what I experienced personally,
is when my relationships were struggling,
I, not even intentionally, but really pursued,
like I ran harder after ministry.
I always run with the Lord.
I've loved the Lord.
I have a fire and a passion, you know,
for full-time ministry to serve Him in every way.
But during that season in particular,
I can remember just feeling like,
just trying to go, go, go, go.
And I had no time to feel the pain
of what I was going through with, you know,
all the betrayal and things that were happening
in that former relationship.
Karen says, I've been dealing with friends leaving me too.
Robin says, I'm limited to Facebook at the moment.
I'm working on boundaries with my kiddo.
Oh, that's fine, Robin.
I think I understand.
You're saying you can't be on Zoom tonight.
And my parents, balancing their needs with my own
is something I've struggled with and I'm seeking spots.
It's okay for me to prioritize myself.
Yeah.
Yes, it is.
Y'all, that's one of the things I talk to someone
in our daytime session.
She mentioned that her mom has a lot of physical illness
and she's just trying to process and keep in balance.
Like, you know, as a 25 year old,
is it okay for her to have wants
and to pursue things that she needs and wants?
And so we chatted about that for a while
when the other ladies were in a breakout session.
She just really needed some help with that.
And so it's important for us.
My mom had a physical disability
for like half my life as well.
And there can be times where that can feel really tricky
and tough to navigate,
but it's also okay for us to ask for help.
We can ask for help.
And, you know, a lot of people,
their first thing is, well, I don't have the money.
Well, do you think that we could ask God for money
to provide for that?
And it might not come right away,
but I believe that that's something we could put
on Jesus Cares Board.
We could start asking and seeing what ways does God want
to creatively provide for the help and assistance
that we need, whether it's with our kids and a babysitter
or, you know, helping with our parents,
if we're caregivers to our parents,
or whatever that looks like for you all.
Karen says, do you believe that God gives you
a Christian friend who you are friends for years
and tell you that God told them their season with you
is up and they just leave?
I really don't believe that God just places them
then just removes them for no reason.
Here's the thing.
We talked about this a little bit earlier today.
I do think that there are ebbs and flows.
There are seasons that friends and people will be
in our lives, and it's not so much that God is telling them
to just leave per se, but I think the natural flow of life,
you know, we have different capacity to give to people
different times. So for example, um, years ago,
I used to serve with a very big, well-known church online,
and I had a lot of people I was connected to.
And when I moved on from there, it was tough.
It was tough to let go of some of those.
I didn't let go of every relationship that I made there,
but I had to let go of a lot so that I could make room for the new.
So I do think that there are times that we have to lovingly,
it doesn't mean I still care about those people and love them,
but in order to turn this way and start, you know,
letting God work over here,
I had to be willing to surrender and let go of
those relationships. Um, and then as far as like close friends,
like what you're saying, um,
I do think that God can lead us in and out of friendships as well. Um,
on that friendship I was sharing about a little bit ago, um,
I had, um,
no recollection really of how codependent that friendship was until
I started healing more and looked back at the dynamic and things that were being
said before she just decided that she didn't have time for us to be friends and
put a bunch of walls up. And, you know, the reality is, is, um, you know,
obviously doing heartwork and all of this now for years,
God has shown me a lot about, you know, when people are hurting,
hurt people, hurt people. And they also close people out. Some people,
their self-preservation is to go into isolation and withdraw. And they,
they don't know how to interact when there is struggle or
hardship. And so sometimes people just,
because they're broken and they just don't know how to navigate, you know,
difficulties, they will cut people out instead. Um,
that I don't know that, you know, I wouldn't say that's healthy,
but they're just, they don't always know how else to do it. Um,
I'm typing this quote in here for you all. Hold on one second.
I see your people are still coming back.
And I was telling the people on Facebook, I don't know who wrote this quote.
So I unfortunately cannot give, uh, them credit,
but cause she just kind of copied it, uh,
and shared it in a graphic, but I'll share it here with you all.
All right. All right there. That is for you all.
Yeah, that's right. Okay. All right.
So who is willing to share with the whole group what you shared in your private
breakout group? And I know some of our new ladies, you might be gasping like,
Oh my God, she's going to ask me to share this with everyone. And I am,
I am not. Everybody has to, but whoever's willing,
that's where we'll start. And then we'll go from there.
We'll follow the Holy spirit tonight.
Awesome. Crystal, go ahead.
Oh, I can't hear you. Yeah, there you go.
I thought you were talking to me for a minute. I was like, Oh,
did I raise my hand? Okay. I'll go. Crystal, you're right.
Are you talking right now? Hi Crystal.
Yes. Can you hear me now? Oh shoot. I had things on mute. That was crazy.
Okay. Yes. I hear you. Okay.
What I shared is I have a friend that I've been friends with for seven years
and she is very much a taker and not a giver.
Like anytime we talk on the phone, she'll tell me that, you know,
it's always drama that she needs to tell me about. And it's always about her.
Guess what happened today? Guess what happened this weekend?
And a lot of times we'll be on the phone and she'll even say,
Oh she's a nanny. She'll say, you know,
Grayson's mom's calling and I have to call you back or so-and-so's calling.
She's a teacher. So she'll say like, you know, the other teacher's calling.
So I'll call you right back.
So she always gets off the phone with me and it makes me feel unimportant.
You know, it's like we've been friends for this long.
And so I did set a boundary with her and I stopped
answering every time she called. I don't know if that was a healthy boundary,
but I did. And then if she'd call me back, when she let me go on the phone,
I wouldn't always answer. Cause I'm like,
I wasn't a priority in that conversation. So, you know, I'll,
I'll call you back when I get a chance.
So she just recently got engaged and has asked me to be a
bridesmaid in her wedding. Of course I accepted,
but I feel a little awkward. Cause I'm like, am I the best friend?
You know?
So I'm very happy for her and I want to be there for her on her day,
but there's a little part of my heart that's that questions it a little bit,
if that makes sense.
So yeah, it does. It does.
And I think it's okay to just be in that place.
And, um, you know, just keep asking the Lord.
And, um, if you feel like you need to make a different decision, just let her
know that sooner, probably rather than later for a bride, but, um, on what you
shared, here's a couple of things.
I think it, you know, and again, you guys will, will need to discern this as you go
and ask the Lord, if you needed to tweak anything there, but from my perspective,
I don't think there's anything wrong with you all.
Like if something like that's going on where you just decide like, Hey, I
don't, I don't have to pick up every time this person calls you don't guess
what you get to choose, you get to choose.
And, um, I think it was healthy for you to set that space because I don't think
it does your self-esteem much good when you feel like you're not as important
all the time, but here's the flip side.
Okay.
I always got to give both sides.
You all here's the flip side.
Why do you feel less important because she has to get off the phone.
Does that make sense?
Even if it's happening a lot, which I think it sounds like it probably was
excessive and it sounds like when you all are talking, she's talking a lot about
herself.
So maybe you're not getting the space to share, but I would love to encourage you
to unpack that with the Lord a little bit and just be willing to ask him.
It doesn't mean there's anything there, but is there any lie that you're
believing?
Um, and even what's coming up in my spirit, like, does this link to something
in the past where growing up or over the years where you were in a relationship
where you just felt like somebody didn't pay attention to you and that you were
less important than someone else?
Um, because what can happen.
And again, I'm not saying that's not true.
So that she wasn't like not making you a priority, but I also think that when we
have wounds that are unhealed, that tell us in the past that you were not
important, you were not as important as so-and-so or, you know, you're rejected
or abandoned or mistreated or looked aside.
Like, you know, they don't pay as much attention to you.
Whatever the lies are, you all, when we are in situations like that, that is
what we're going to hear.
We're not going to hear or think.
My friend is really busy.
She made time for me today.
Does that make sense?
But again, now, if she's never given you the space to share, then
that's a little bit different.
But I would encourage you to also say, Hey, I love hearing about your life.
I would love to share something with you too.
And just kind of segue your way right in there.
Cause this is, this is the thing we also need to own when we let people have
control all the time and walk on, like walk all over us in a sense.
And not that that's what she was doing, but like, there's nothing wrong with
you kind of figuring out how can I also, even if she's not inviting you in
that moment, because she might not be healthy enough and that's why I'm, I'm
asking you guys to look at your relationships, you know, where do you
need to maybe see this person?
Maybe isn't as healthy of a friend is what I need in this new season.
You know what I'm saying?
And so you're looking at all the kind of dynamics of the
friendship room relationship.
And again, it doesn't mean you can't be friends.
It just might mean that your friendship shifts a little bit in the days ahead,
because maybe not only just in general, but maybe you understand that they can't
be the friend to you that you need them to be in this season, because we talked
about this during the live session earlier today, seasons change, uh, what
friends can give us change.
It changes all the time.
I have friends that I, I struggle sometimes because people
want stuff from me a lot.
My friends want, and even people that I I'm not close, close friends with
because they got used to a season when I was leading at a bigger church and they
were some of my leaders and, and the ministry that I was serving with long,
um, you know, I've served with a couple of big churches, but years ago.
And when I shifted and went to the next church, I needed to focus there.
And those people were not, it was tough for them.
Like some of them were struggling with feeling like I was abandoning
them, but that's not truth.
I was just moving to a new ministry job.
You see?
So sometimes life's and seasons and cycles change with friends as well.
Crystal, that was a great share.
So glad that you opened up and let us kind of unpack that a little bit.
And, uh, you know, if you guys have friends that are always drama, I
would just encourage you again, are there healthy boundaries to keep putting
in place because maybe in this new season, maybe you want to surround
yourself with some people that are like the people that want to get to know you
too.
Yeah.
Yeah. All right. Awesome. Let's see. Christina, go ahead.
Hi, it's my first week, so I'm kind of new to all this. But our group, we kind of talked about
setting boundaries with our moms and how sometimes our moms tend to overstep those boundaries or need
a little bit more than we could give at certain times. I actually had a similar story with one
of the other ladies about, personally, my mom, you know, always calls and tells me about how
my dad's being acting like a jerk and this and that. And it's just hard to, you know,
balance like being there for her, but also setting that healthy boundary.
Whoa, this is so good. Thank you for your courage to share. Welcome to week one or two,
whichever one you're in. So let's unpack this a little bit. Has this gone on for a long time
with your mom calling you and telling you that things are not good with your dad? Is this like
something that's happened since you were younger or is this recent? Oh, no, it's been going on my
whole life. OK. All right. So this is what I would encourage you to do. You got to start shifting
that. You do. You're not her counselor. You're her daughter. And I know that's going to be real
tough at moments because you love her and you want to be there for her. But it's in order for you to
have a healthy kind of view of your mom in relationship. It will be good for you to start
shifting that some so you can lovingly say, mom, I really care about what you're sharing and I love
you. But I want to encourage you, you know, like have you considered getting counseling?
And just say, you know, I just I struggle when you share about dad.
And just have you have you ever done that with her?
I've never told her she needs counseling, but both my sister and I are have are in or have
done therapy because of I'm not blaming my parents, but because of their dynamic of relationship,
it kind of led us both down that path of realizing it's not healthy and we want different
things for our lives. Yeah. OK. So key thing here, you're not going to tell your mom she needs
counseling. You're going to say, I love you. Have you ever considered getting counseling for some
extra support? OK, so there's a difference there because we never want to tell people they need
counseling, even if we know they do. We want to invite them into that. We want to let the Holy
Spirit invite them into that. They might be very resistant. Your mom might automatically be like,
no, I don't need, you know, whatever that looks like. And maybe they'll be open to it. You never
know. But part of it is that it's important for you to say this hurts me or whatever your feeling
is. I lost you. Where did you go? You lowered your hand and now I can't see you. I see you're
right in my mid screen. That's OK. Oh, that's all right. And so where you're just giving yourself
permission to express how that is making you feel. That's what's most important, even before the,
you know, asking her if she's considered ever getting counseling and you could even like borrow
from like, hey, mom, I and maybe she knows this already. I don't know. But hey, mom, I've been
going to counseling and this is how it's been helping me. And you don't even have to bring up
the stuff with them if you don't want to. But just where you're kind of segwaying and you're
moving and shifting out of being that support system for her in that way. And some of the other
things, just to encourage all of you regarding your mom's, you know, I think the biggest thing
is when we when we can shift and say and we go into even I'm learning this now with my spiritual
daughters, you know, when she came to visit for the last few days in the last week, you know,
shifting from she's 20 now. It's taken me a little while. She's not a little kid anymore. You know,
she gets to invite me into things if she wants to. Now, as far as asking for my advice on something,
I shouldn't always impose that on her. Okay. So kind of trying to shift and learn how to be,
you know, that coach that that, you know, counselor mentor, in a sense, at times, if she needs it,
depending on what is needed, and being there to support her and love her. But understanding that
as she grows up, you know, there's different needs, and there's a different role there.
But sometimes, some moms might have a lot of codependency. And so they struggle to let go.
Some dads do that, you know, it's not
not just moms, but some of y'all also have mom wounds.
And so there's moms that have been super controlling,
manipulating all different kinds of things.
You all, I know everybody faces something different.
Some have had amazing moms, but whatever your scenario is, it's okay for you.
Even when you're getting ready to get married, ladies, some of y'all
are going to struggle to tell your mom what you really want for your wedding.
Even especially those that have never gotten married before.
And that's going to be something you're going to want to work on and saying
what you need, what you want, and what you believe God has for you.
So I hope that was helpful for you.
We'll be praying for you about your mom.
Even if you don't decide to have that conversation, you know, I
always make recommend recommendations.
I encourage you guys to do stuff.
I will do my best to not say you should do this or you should do that.
If I do it, I'm sorry.
Cause I really try not to do that.
It's more about an invitation for you to step into something that I think
will lead you personally and to a healthier place and space.
So thank you for sharing, Christina.
We appreciate it.
Thank you, Marie.
Go ahead.
This is also my first time on, so I'm heading into my second week.
Um, I want to take it to the other side of it where I feel like I'm the taker.
Um, so I, and I shared that in the call of the group too, as well.
Um, I feel like I always have so much going on in my life and that is why I
have stepped into this, um, phase.
Cause I want to heal more myself.
And actually I'm the mom that my daughter, she's 22.
Um, and she's getting married and I've been a single mom
really like most of her life.
So, um, I was the mom that was always like the needy mom, like hang out with me.
Let's talk about this.
Let's do this.
And, um, and I always like talked about my problems and situations with her.
So I think I overstepped some boundaries with her and during this whole process
of her getting married, um, you know, I wanted to do everything with her and
we got into some little tips as moms and daughters do, and she had said to me,
she's like, I feel like you have taken so much from me and I haven't felt that back
from you and that was like really eyeopening, you know, like I didn't know.
I didn't know that I was really draining her energy like that.
You know, I thought we had this like really close mom daughter relationship.
I thought it was like the cool mom.
I was always the young mom with her.
And, you know, for her to like, say that to me, like really, you know, looked
into myself and said, maybe I do need to like heal and talk to someone and, you
know, join some type of group to be a better mom to her and also to realize
that she's like going, she's going to be a woman, you know, she's a woman and
she's going to be getting married and having her own kids and, you know, and
I just want to be more there for her in that process.
So I feel like this also has helped me like look inside myself and want to be
just like a better, uh, about that and not be the one that's always taking.
I want to be more give a giver, especially to her.
And, you know, and I have a 10 year old, so I don't want to do that to her.
Marie, this is huge.
This is huge.
So I just want to thank you for the courage to just share where you're at.
Um, you all, and that's why I say there's no shame.
There's no shame, no matter which side you're on right now.
And it can be different.
Like you might be a taker in one relationship and not in another.
Right.
But ideally, um, anytime we're out of balance in that area where we are taking
from someone and we're relying on them in every area, um, it is at some level
because we have not felt like we could rely on people in our life when we were
growing up and so we didn't learn healthy boundaries, we learned a lot of
codependency, um, and so then when we become parents, we can then do the same
thing with our children then.
So basically it kind of flips what we learned from other people.
We then flip and then do that with our kids.
And so just want to encourage you to just, as you're.
kind of processing and unpacking this with the Lord this week, just really ask him, like,
Lord, what's healthy for me to share with my daughter and what's not?
Even as she's, you know, an adult now and she's getting ready to get married,
you know, there's so many things that even now, like, as my spiritual daughters are grown up,
20 and 18, you know, still just being careful, like, what I share about what their dad,
like, put me through. Like, I still don't share a lot of what happened. And I don't think I need to
unless I feel like there's a bit that's going to help them gain insight into something. And not
that that's kind of like what you're doing or whatever, but I just felt like that might help
somebody on here where you all were just leaning into, like, where do I need to learn like healthy
connection and relationship? That's the way to look at it. Don't feel like you're bad moms or
whatever. Let's lean into how can I become healthier? How can I make the healthier choice
going forward? How can I, you know, grow to understand that even if my child chooses to
not spend time with me, it doesn't mean they don't love me. It means they want to hang out
with their friends or whoever, and that's legitimate, like what it means to them.
And so if we feel wounded when it's, whether it's our kids or another friend or whoever,
if they don't choose to spend time with us and they choose to spend it with someone else,
and we're feeling rejection and abandonment, we need to look at that. You know, where's that coming
from? It might be coming from that situation, but it's probably also coming from a situation
from years ago, back in the future that that is now building on. Do you see? That's how the enemy
does. He'll always try to pile on layers. And some of you all have had things happen in the same kind
of scenario, just showing up in different ways, almost your entire lives. So for example, not
that this is connected to what you shared about Marie, but it's just coming up in my spirit, but
like in my life, I was sexually abused as a little kid and went through some, some things in college,
very similar, was raped in college. A lot of other like men, one of my professors like got my number
from the school system and like was calling me and waiting after class, kind of like stalking me,
pretty creepy. Went into then these relationships where the men were abusive in different ways,
but there's just the spirit of the enemy just kept showing up in similar ways. And some of you guys
have experienced that in different areas. Like yours might not be that, but maybe it's stuff like
this where there's never been lines and healthy relationship. And it just constantly, like,
there's all this kind of ties where everybody's just tied together in unhealthy ways. Does that
make sense? The soul ties and all the things where there's no emotional separation. Some of you all,
and the last thing I'll share, and then we'll start to move on to the next segment tonight,
but some of you all have some enmeshment. So E-N-M-E-S-H-M-E-N-T. And what that means is like
when you went through circumstances in your life, probably when you were younger,
like everything was kind of garbled and, and there were no boundaries and your parents didn't set
healthy boundaries and they, they didn't, they weren't healthy and grown up enough in a sense
to set healthy boundaries. And so it was just this big ball of mess. That's why it's mesh meshment.
And what happens is nobody knows where the boundaries are. And when you, when they try to
When they try to grow up and move away from that, they almost don't know how, because they're so
enmeshed in their mind becomes really controlled by the unhealthy boundaries that are like the
lack of boundaries that are there, if you will. So some of you might need to check into that.
If your family has tried to control and manipulate you a lot, and you didn't feel a lot of freedom
to go out and grow up or try things on your own without everybody trying to cause you to be afraid
or whatever, that might be something for you to look into. Okay. All right. We're going to move
on. So tonight, the next, the second part is about, so we've been talking about takers in people
and sometimes how, you know, we need to grow in balance there. But I also want to talk about this.
God is a giver. God is a giver. He is not a taker. Some of you think he's a taker.
but he's not a taker, he's a giver.
God didn't take good things away from you.
He didn't.
The enemy is trying to tell some of you
that God has in the past taken good things away from you
and that every time you try to move
towards something good, he takes it.
And he's not a taker.
So along the way, there's somewhere
where you believe the lie that he was a taker
and asking him where that lie began for you
is gonna be a big deal.
So tonight, God wants to restore
a little bit of his character and who he is.
God didn't and does not make you sick.
The enemy is the one who creates sickness,
death, disease, disruption, all of those things.
That is not from God.
God is not a trickster.
God isn't trying to trick you into anything.
He's not trying to dangle some kind of carrot
in front of you and then take it
because it's not really gonna be yours.
But see, that's the enemy saying that
to some of you as well.
And the Lord is saying,
tonight is the night that you can change.
Tonight is the night that you can believe
something different because that's not who I am.
That's not who he is.
And he wants you to receive the truth tonight.
God is not a liar.
The Bible says, God is not a man that he should lie.
So why do we believe that God lies to us
and tricks us and steals and takes?
So here's the thing though.
God doesn't take from us, but he does remove.
What does he remove?
We're gonna talk about that.
I'm gonna go over it right now.
He removes things that the enemy
has tried to oppress you with.
That's what he removes you all.
So things like shame, pain, sin, death,
guilt, condemnation, abuse, manipulation, control,
he removes those things from your life.
Fear, anxiety, panic disorders, but we have to ask him.
We have to invite him to come in.
And that's a part of someone asked the question.
It was a great question.
I wrote a big long response on the whole permission slip
and well, God just does what he wants anyways.
So why do I sign a permission slip giving him permission?
Well, because he always invites.
Even with Jesus Christ, he never forces his way in.
We have to accept him as our Lord and savior.
We have to invite him to come into our heart, right?
Y'all, that's us giving permission.
God is a gentleman.
I talked about this a little bit last week
in our session last week.
If you all couldn't hear that,
you can check that out in your replay.
Don't feel like you have to.
I'm just saying I talk about that more in that session.
He's a gentleman.
He knocks on the door of our hearts.
He is not someone who just forces his way in, okay?
Some of you might've lost something in your life,
maybe more than one thing,
maybe lots of things you've lost, lost, lost
because you weren't ready to handle it.
Some of y'all, myself included,
I was not ready to handle the first marriage I had.
I should have never gotten married.
I was so not healthy
and then I married someone way more unhealthy than me.
It was not good.
And I lost that.
I lost that.
There was never a foundation there
that it was even built on to begin with.
I was not able to bear up under the weight of that
and praise God, it was a lot of abuse and stuff.
So I'm so thankful that God rescued me
from that situation, seriously.
Here's the thing.
There's nothing that you've lost that God can't restore.
Now, I'm not saying God's gonna restore
all of y'all's ex relationships.
So don't hear me saying that.
Some of you that might happen, who knows?
But what I'm saying is,
what did you lose when that stuff broke?
Y'all, when I went through my first divorce,
man, I only went through one divorce.
I don't know why I said that that way,
but that second relationship felt like we were married
even though we weren't.
I just remember feeling like all my dreams were shattered.
All my hopes, all the things that I thought
were gonna be, I didn't even know
if I was ever gonna have a baby
because my marriage fell apart
and just all these things, right?
So I wanna tell you that, again,
there's nothing that you've lost
that he can't restore for the rest of your life.
Those of you that have heard part of me share about this,
you're going to hear it a little bit again tonight,
but I want to share it for our new ladies.
I went through this program several years ago,
had done quite a bit of counseling and,
and was doing some mental health coaching and licensing and all that kind of
stuff. So I did a lot of research and study before I even came in.
We used to call it bootcamp, experienced a lot of healing,
a lot of redemption, a lot of restoration.
God removed a lot of orphan mentalities and limiting mindsets and beliefs that I
lived under and, you know, met my spirit mate in September of 21.
And, uh, God, it was right from the beginning. I mean, pretty quick.
We knew it was a God, a God thing.
We had very similar backgrounds and stories of what we had been through and God
just really supernaturally brought us together. Um,
and we moved forward in that and we got married in September of 22.
22.
So we're about a year and a half in and God's teaching us all kinds of stuff.
And we, we had a great relationship and I am just so blessed,
so blessed you all. And so I'm sharing that with you because,
you know, back in the day I, I believed,
but there was still a part of me that was like, can you, God,
can you restore,
can you redeem and give back all the locust has eaten in the moth has
destroyed. I believe your word, Lord, but I don't see it yet.
Help me to see it. Help me to experience it. Help me to know it.
And God has done that. Y'all.
It's like my former life never happened.
I know in my brain it happened. I know those things took place,
but the joy and the peace and the grace and all of the blessings that I'm
experiencing now has caused that to feel like it was never
there. So I want to say and speak that over you all.
That can be your story too. It can be,
God is the redeemer of time. All right,
here's your breakout session question.
This one's a tough one for some of y'all,
but I'm going to ask you to be courageous and honest and share.
Is there an area that you've been blaming God for something
in your life that hasn't gone well?
Is there an area you've been blaming God in some area of your life where it has
not gone well?
And what is something that you need God to restore?
And we had this come up in the session earlier today.
So I feel like it's important to mention it.
One lady was saying,
and this can be true for some of you because of where you're at in your
relationship with the Lord. And it's different for everybody.
Shoot. I was trying to find her note. She said that she never,
she never felt like she blamed God.
She didn't really feel like she was blaming God for anything.
And so that might be some of you. But if you, if you do, if,
if when I said that your heart started pounding,
that's something you want to talk about that area that you're blaming God.
But one of the things she was struggling with was believing God,
like for the timing of the restoration.
She believed that he would do restoration,
but the timing of it is where she was struggling.
And so we started unpacking lies that she was believing.
And here's two things. Every time she would try to engage with men,
she actually would not think that she was enough for them.
And what would they even see in me?
So she right out of the gate,
didn't even think that she had value to bring to them. Okay.
So you guys might have all different kinds of things that come up,
share what's on your heart. I would love if you,
if you have something with the questions that I asked, answer those first,
but if you don't just let, let the Holy spirit lead you in your conversation.
It's good. It'll be what you need.
And we trust God to give you guys what you need. Every time we're here,
I'm going to recreate these rooms. I want to mix you guys up tonight.
We've got a lot of new people and, uh,
I want you guys to meet some new new ladies. All right, here you go.
I'll be praying for you all. And, uh, we'll be talking to people on Facebook.
So you guys can come back and watch that later. If you want click to join those.
Okay.
All right, ladies, keep clicking to join. If you can, I'm not sure, Carla,
if you're able to join your room, Michelle,
both my two Michelle's in here. And then Paula, I think you're still driving.
I'm guessing. All right. So make sure we have everybody in a room here.
I think we're good. Oh, Michelle.
Oh, let's she get kicked back out.
I'm not sure.
All right.
Let's see what's going on on Facebook.
Y'all got a lot of catching up to do.
Um,
let's see.
Robin said, praying for that assistance.
This was from the conversation earlier.
So simple, but easy to overlook.
Thank you for that reminder.
Martha said, yes, this resonates Bethany.
Thank you.
It's a result of my rejection and God revealing that I have poured into areas.
I can be successful in and perfect in so that I can get affirmation
and prevent pain and rejection.
Thank you for sharing that Martha.
Holy spirit has been revealing these root issues to me, speaking to the
likes of rejection, needing to be perfect and performance in my life.
Replacing those with truth.
Praise the Lord.
Yes, Lord.
We just ask you to keep replacing those lies with truth.
Um, and that says I've learned healthy boundaries.
I had to let go of a friend.
I was, um, sorry, I just lost that growing up with, I think.
And she, Oh, you were growing and she was not.
Yeah.
I did not like your growth.
Yes.
That will happen at times.
It's tough, but we just trust God with those individuals and.
And with our hearts as well.
Let's see, Laura says, I can't think of anyone in my life
right now who is a taker.
That's good that you know, that's a real good sign, but I feel like
I always had a hard time standing up for myself, even saying, no, I
always wanted to be the good one.
All right.
So I would lean into that there and ask the Lord to reveal to you the
first time you felt like you weren't allowed to say no, or it could show up
in when you said, no, you were reprimanded for that, um, even if you
were, you know, not supposed to say no, but maybe you misinterpret something,
but I feel like it might be something where you did say no, or you wanted to
say no, and you got reprimanded or, um, you know, maybe mistreated
for saying no in some way.
And that might, might be something from childhood.
It could even been, you know, recent.
Uh, let's see.
Evangeline says, Bethany Cooper.
I have a girlfriend who enjoys sharing happy moments of life with me.
However, I feel frustrated because my friend shares without considering my
emotional, my current emotional state.
I wish she would ask me first before sharing any wisdom on
how to navigate this situation.
So I would ask you first to like, okay, let's see, what is that situation?
What's that tender spot for you?
Is there an area of her life that she's walking in blessing?
And in a sense, maybe you're, you're not walking in that same blessing right now.
Um, hi iPhone.
I'm not sure what your name is.
I'm sorry, but it just says iPhone.
I can put you in a breakout room so you can chat with the ladies.
They're talking about, is there any area in your life where.
Um, you have been blaming God and what is an area you need God
to restore something in your life.
So go ahead and click to join that.
Um, and you can jump in there if you'd like.
All right, let's see.
I was saying about Evangeline.
Um, yeah.
So I think the biggest thing is, um, really asking yourself, what is the
tender spot in your heart that when she is trying to share and maybe she's
excited, um, and you're, you're walking in brokenness or a very low hope meter,
maybe of hopelessness in that area.
And so it's hard to celebrate your friend.
So an example that comes to mind is before I met Brian, my now husband.
Um, I was already on the heartwork journey.
I was doing all the work and a good friend of mine.
And, you know, she did a lot of healing stuff too, but not nearly as an, you
know, intense and, and, you know, developed as this, um, she ended up
meeting a guy and they hit it off and got engaged long before I even met my guy.
And I just remember thinking like, God, is this some kind of joke?
Uh, and she also, I know someone in here mentioned that, uh, Crystal, I think that.
Uh, that lady asked her to be in her wedding, but, uh, she also
asked me to be in her wedding.
And, um, you know, I had to really work through what was in my own heart.
And I'm not saying this is the case for you, Evangeline, but I had jealousy.
I did.
I had jealousy in my heart.
I wanted what she had and I wanted it now.
And I was mad that I didn't have it yet and it turned into jealousy.
And so I had to really work on that stuff in my own heart.
And, and, and one of the things that I did is I actually started
praying blessing more blessing over her.
But I also do think it's okay to tell your friend, Hey, I'm really
struggling in this area right now.
And sometimes I want to celebrate with you.
I want to, you know, be joyful with you, but I'm just really
struggling when you, when you share, but I would really ask
the Holy spirit before you have that conversation because, um,
you want to make sure you convey it in a way that she doesn't
feel, you know, like broken and hurt, um, because she's just
trying to share about the joy in her life.
Um, but maybe God will give her wisdom on maybe other places that
she can share those things right now in this season and not that
she can't share other parts of her life with you, but maybe
just not those parts right now.
So I think it's a, it's a both end.
Okay.
All right.
Let's see.
Lydia says, yes, I've been blaming God for me not being married.
I believe he doesn't want me married because I feel like he
cuts off my relationships and have them marry someone else.
So I feel like God doesn't want me to be married.
So we know that's a lie right now.
You're believing that lie.
And so I would encourage you to come out of alignment
tonight with that lie.
Even if you don't fully believe the flip side of that, just
choosing to come out of alignment, like you might even
need to write on a paper, write this out, what you said to me.
And how you feel and like Ross it out and say, I am coming out
of alignment with this lie tonight.
God, I pray that you would bring me the truth, help me to see the
truth, help me to see the blessings that you want to give me.
Help me to see you as a good father.
Who's excited to give me surprises and blessing, and also
help me to get to the root.
When is the first time I believed God that you were a taker and
that I blamed you for things that I don't have in my life and
just see what comes up and allow the Lord to help you unpack
that and step into healing a little bit more this week in that area.
And remember healing happens in layers, ladies.
Sometimes you're, you're making progress, but you might not have
the complete breakthrough, but just keep walking and keep going
and keep praying and surrendering and, and, uh, you know, walking
in and choosing forgiveness and all of those things, and it
will make a difference.
Charlotte says I'm growing and no longer doing this, but I've
definitely blamed God for still being single because so many
times I've had guys come into my life that I'm attracted to.
But then they ended for some reason.
And every day that that has been attracted to me, I've
not been attracted to.
I think maybe you're saying guy there, every guy that you've
been, has been attracted to you, you've not been attracted to.
So when you said the thing about dangling the carrot, that
definitely resonated with me.
Thank you so much for sharing.
I'm so glad that you opened up about that, Charlotte, we're
going to be praying for you about that.
I would encourage you also, um, just kind of follow what I, what
I shared with, um, Lydia about writing down kind of these
lies, even if you, you're not currently blaming the Lord, but
just this still this belief that God dangles the carrot in front
of you or whatever, and just put an X through that and just say
tonight, I come out of agreement with that lie.
Lord, I know that you have actually, if y'all can start to
picture a gift presents, you know, Christmas, lots of
presents, birthdays, whatever.
Um, if you can imagine a gift that's already wrapped and
waiting for you, that's who our father is and he's not going to
jerk that gift away.
He's just waiting to give it to you at the right time when he
knows that you're ready to handle it.
And, you know, sometimes that's the tough thing for us to
understand.
Um, when I was dating a couple, uh, this one guy in particular,
uh, months before I met my now husband, I thought I was ready
then.
And, um, man, I'm so glad I had those extra few, few months to
keep growing and keep, um, believing and stepping into
faith because by the time I met my now husband completely, I
mean, I was completely different.
I was completely different in five months time from how I
thought, you know, the way I thought I was ready before I
ladies, everybody's coming back.
Be sure to mute yourself.
Welcome back.
Almost everybody back.
They'll be here in just a second.
All right.
I think everybody should be back now.
Here we go.
Okay.
I think we have everybody.
All right.
Who is willing to share with the whole group?
What you shared in your private breakout?
Oh, awesome.
Bussolami.
Did I say it?
Ah, yeah.
I've been trying for weeks on this.
A million dollars in my account.
Good evening.
Um so I shared in my group that um I don't think there was ever a time that I really blamed God
for things that happened to me and I said that I think that was largely related to how I grew
up um my culture um there's a strong belief that um Jesus um God is unquestionable right
and they even take it as far as you know what you can't just ask God questions things happen
and that's it um which that also I feel like is a lie but it but growing up that gave me like um
a strong a strong foundation right on on on how to approach God like if things go wrong
it's not it's not God that is to be blamed it's probably you know on sin forces, witches,
wizards or yourself but definitely not God but um when I started growing in Christ I started
listening to um Andrew Womack and stuff like that then I got the real image of God knowing that
truly God is not to be blamed but now um I got the I got the um I got the other side of I can
actually ask God questions when things go wrong in my life to ask him okay that what did I do wrong
was there something I needed to do that I didn't do was there when I needed to position myself
and that really helped me and I also shared the fact that okay I was I was abused at the
age of five but even at that when I come online and I see people say things like oh
somebody died of cancer where was God and all that it has never occurred to my to me ever that
oh you were abused as a child where was God of course it was a dead on the throne so and I and
I told them that I I don't take that um as something that I'm just like that no I see it as
even when I didn't know when I didn't have an answer to read I just saw it as the grace of God
just protected my heart towards him to just know that it's not his fault and even though I could
not place my fingers on it even though I could not um handle it right God just protected my mind
just to know that you know what I got you and for you and I'm never against you and I I also shared
at the end um that I think the only time I probably would have felt like I felt like oh
God why was when I was interested in a guy that seems to be interested in me and I was just
praying about him and God said no and I was like oh my God why and but monthly months later right
thank God that I didn't go into that relationship because they know he said and I'm just like okay
I'm not happy with this decision that you made for me but I'm just gonna go with it regardless
right because you are God you're my father and you know best but I'm not happy I just told God
I know I'm just letting you know I'm not happy with it but I'm just gonna go ahead with it
but thank God months later I realized why he said no and I went back to him and I said thank you
thank you for watching out for me you really you really do know best yeah so yeah that's what I
said thank you yes that's so good yeah there's so many good things in there you all let's let's
just kind of think about the way you're different our different cultures you know things that we
learn even in culture in society and the messages that society society is conveying now this isn't
about blaming God but some of you all you know even the shows that you watch keep telling you
how dumb men are and that men you know aren't leaders and they're just kind of they don't lead
the home and the kids can just boss them around like a majority of our tv shows that's what they
are now so for whatever that's worth we need to be careful what we're watching and what's feeding
our minds about men don't know why I needed to say that but that just came up in my spirit so
I'm just going to trust the Lord that's for somebody okay uh I think it's I think I worked
on this last week a little bit is it kritika kritika okay okay okay uh yeah so um what okay
so for me uh last year like I have a decent job and everything and I had like good savings and I
was helping my parents with building a new house because when we were kids they spent everything
on our education and stuff so I wanted to give back and what happened is I fell I was kind of
a victim to a big scam and I ended up losing so much money and then I have this huge debt on me
and so I I do blame God for that and after like when I used
cry and i was in a very bad place i would ask god like what do i do and on my youtube it like i
would see these videos where jesus has jesus asks a little boy for a little teddy bear and in return
he's going to give him a big teddy bear and i'm like okay like you took the little teddy bear from
me where is my big teddy bear like i know uh god was trying to show me like certain patterns and
limiting beliefs i had but then um and i i believe something good is going to happen but i know deep
down every day i blame god for my current situation and secondly my relationships it's like
all of my friends they are moving forward having babies planning babies getting get uh like getting
new houses and stuff and here i am struggling financially and like you know downgrading my
lifestyle trying to get through my life every day and you know also like just navigating at this
point and i'm trying to be grateful for everything even the job market and stuff in tech it's like
it's difficult i'm grateful for my job and i'm grateful for still like whatever i have i still
have faith but i i deeply blame god for my current situation thank you for sharing in your honesty
y'all this is real real stuff right so here's the thing um the enemy is the one that comes to kill
steal and destroy but god jesus christ is the one who came to give us life and give it to us
more abundantly the enemy wants you to think that god's the one that took from you and didn't
protect you um the the tricky part here is you all is that um even when we're scammed on some
level we we still made decisions right and so unfortunately what can happen and i've done this
before um i was not regarding money but i was scammed by a lady um way back years ago when i
first tried doing online ministry i had this healing heart hearts retreat it was awesome
but i attracted this woman that was not an honest person and uh the short version is she told me
she was pregnant she sent me pictures that she was pregnant the whole nine yards um and she got
pregnant through a really bad circumstance and wanted to give this baby up for adoption this is
i was i was coaching this woman like literally i believed her photos to show it i introduced her
to friends of mine that wanted to have a baby she went to lunch with them she looked pregnant
they started talking to her about adopting her baby y'all can you guess where this is going
the lady was not pregnant ever and not only that but she sent me these photos this one day
saying that she lost her baby and she sent me a picture of a baby that died to my phone
y'all i was wrecked when i found out she lied wrecked but here's the thing full disclosure
there were several times along that journey that i felt like the holy spirit was telling
me something was up with her and i just kept going because i'm such a giver and i want to
believe the best in everybody and i didn't want her to not be helped i wanted to help her i wanted
to save her i wanted you know and i wasn't trying to intentionally do that but i let some of that
stuff cloud my judgment okay so totally different situation from you but i always try to use myself
as an example because that feels better than saying hey you should have maybe done this
different right so maybe just be willing to ask yourself were there any ways that you could have
made a different decision and then you could have ended up in a different financial situation
and i know that can be so hard to to own kind of our side of the street of things but that's
what's going to help you the most um because here's the thing when you forgive god i think
what's going to happen because that's what needs to happen even though god didn't do that to you
you need to forgive him and and let that go and when you do i think it's going to catapult you
forward because right now i think all the things that you feel are stuck this is kind of one of the
roots of it and so as that heals i believe god's going to help accelerate you and move you forward
and that's going to look a whole lot of different ways it might not look the same in every area
right so financially it could look one way and your you know romantic relationship it could look
another way but just really allowing yourself um to let god come in and heal that and show you
that that is not who he is a little bit more every day so maybe not this
big, huge leap that you have to take, but just every day, a little bit more
understanding that he is good.
And he was not the one that stole from you and that he, he is defending you.
And, and y'all, this is the thing too.
Some of y'all need to pray for restitution, not just restoration.
So we're going to be praying and believing for restitution of that
money back to you that was stolen.
Okay.
Um, I know it takes so much courage to share and hope that that was a
blessing to you, uh, tonight as well.
Um, yeah, so Carol just sent me a note.
Uh, she asked me, can you talk about the part of repentance and forgiving
ourselves in this process too?
So I'm not going to go too far into repentance tonight, just because that's
in one of our going to be in one of our sessions in the future, but, um, you
know, in that situation, again, I'll use myself as an ex an example because my
friends were hurt in that situation too.
And, um, and so I had to do a lot of forgiving myself for giving
that lady and letting that go.
Um, and so it's all a choice.
It's always a choice.
Confession is a choice.
Repentance is a choice.
Repentance is literally choosing to go in the other direction tends to be a
part that's connected with sin.
And the case that I'm talking about, I had to choose to
forgive forgiveness as a choice.
And so forgiving yourself, forgiving God, um, you know, the forgiveness
prayers, that's going to be one of your weeks, you all, but that worksheet,
you can get that out now and start doing that and using that to help you process
and pray, I have time probably for one more, I'm sorry, I'm not going to get
to everybody that has their hands up.
What I want to encourage you all to do.
If you aren't able to share tonight, create a post in the group.
Let me kind of give some feedback on that.
Um, just cause we're getting at nine 28.
So I see Jana next.
I'm just going to go in order on my screen.
Um, so Jana, go ahead and go.
Hi.
Um, I, I I'm busy working through this, but my, um, biggest.
Yeah.
Blaming God situation was, um, I have, I've always thought, you know, this
whole I could, um, kiss dating goodbye scenario of my first husband.
My first boyfriend would be my husband.
My first kiss would be the one that I marry.
I'll never go into relationship.
If I don't think I can marry you and this whole courtship thing.
And then at the age of 36, um, I met someone that I thought, okay,
let's, let's give this a try.
And after four months, actually from the beginning, I knew that this isn't
working and this isn't my husband.
And obviously we had our first guests and.
Um, I had to deal with this a bit, this whole thing of, okay, God, um,
am I disappointing you, but wait, what's going on here.
And with that, I went into another relationship and, um, I always had
this thing with God where I told him.
I want two signs.
If I get these two signs, then I know that this guy is my husband.
So when the next guy that I really liked, um, I prayed a lot about it and.
I got my two signs clearly like clear as day.
The two signs was there and it's not obvious things.
It was really things that was, um, yeah.
And then this guy really shattered my heart.
Um, and I don't blame God for this relationship, not working out.
I think I blamed God because I gave my heart to this guy because I thought that
God was in it, that God said, yes, this is him.
And then I realized, but it's not obviously because he, yeah.
Um, lost interest and things just escalated, but, um, I struggled for long.
I'm going through the process and I have asked for forgiveness because I
think I also played a role in this.
Um, but I asked God, the thing that I'm struggling a bit to understand is.
Was me asking for, for two signs.
Was that the problem?
Was that the truth that I need to learn that, um, in a relationship, God
is not going to give me signs.
Cause these two signs was when I was in school, high school.
I asked God for these two signs.
So I really have to work through a few things with God of was I.
wrong, but I blamed him. Yeah. This is really good. Okay. So this is going to maybe kind of
ruffle some feathers, but I'm just going to tell you my honest gut is I don't think we need to ask
God for a bunch of signs. I don't, I think we need to be in community and we need to look at
the fruit that that person displays. We need to consider is this person running after the Lord,
the same way I am, do our lives align? I think, um, you know, and I out, I say this with a lot
of caution, just trust me on this. Like I came, I'm a, I'm Pentecostal. You all, I love, you know,
charismatic. Uh, I don't, I'm not huge on, you know, big denomination stuff. I think every
denomination is amazing, uh, in its own way. And God never created those to begin with. But what
I'm saying is that sometimes we can get caught up in the charismatic line of things that we
have to have a sign and we have to have, you know, this confirmation after this confirmation,
after this confirmation, and instead of learning how to just walk in wisdom. Okay. And I know that
might sound harsh, but for me, again, I'll use myself as an example. I thought I had signs that
that guy I dated for six years was going to be my next husband. But here's the thing, the Holy
spirit and the Lord were telling me he's not healthy. And I kept going. So did I have a sign
or did my counterfeit identity? Tell me I had a sign. And here's the other thing I want you all
to consider. I don't want you to be afraid of this. Um, but I just want you guys to understand
the enemy is always working too. He prowls around like a roaring lion seeking who he can devour.
And y'all know that like he hears when we pray, he hears what we speak out.
Have we considered that he could bring that sign just something to think about. I'm not saying I
know one way or the other. It's just something I think that we need to consider, especially if our
unhealed heart is the one that's leading us towards that thing. Okay. So when we heal,
when we heal, the more that we healed again, and what we teach in this community is you're
not just looking at, and this is huge. Okay. I'm just going to go after this for a minute.
If y'all need to jump off, it's okay. I totally understand. But I think this is super important.
You know, Jackie talks a lot about, let's not just look at spiritual gifts ladies,
because that's where some of us get tripped up. The guy that I was in that relationship with,
went to church every week, professing as a Christian, read his Bible, but he had no
spiritual fruit. You all, he did not walk in the fruits of the spirit.
That should have been my sign right there, but I was looking for other signs.
Do you see what I'm saying? And that's where, when we, when we lean into what the book of Proverbs
says, it'll tell us, how do you tell if someone's a fool or if they're wise, it'll tell us how to
know if someone's good with their money. It'll tell us how to know if someone's loving.
And so if you're looking for a sign or you're looking for direction, I would encourage you
to spend a lot of time in Proverbs, to read Proverbs on a regular basis. Like what I already
said, stay in community. This community is here. We build it. God led Jackie and David to step out
to do this. The team's gotten on board. We're all kind of moving in the same direction to create
this space where we can run and walk with you all so that you have a safe community to help you,
hopefully make a healthier decision in the future. Now, whether or not people heed our,
you know, counsel or not is up to them. We have someone right now, she's in phase three.
She's not, we're trying to help her. And she's just, she's resisting the counsel that we're
giving her. And so there, you can't force that on someone. And so we have to really ask ourselves,
is there a reason that I needed or wanted a sign versus just letting God give us the wisdom
that we needed to make the decision? Is it that we don't trust ourselves
to make a wise decision? And maybe that's the case.
where community is going to come in. You all, this is big. I know
kind of just unleashed a big old thing for you all to think about.
And again, I'm not saying I've got this all figured out in the
way I just said all that, but I do as soon as it, as soon as you
started saying it, I thought, okay, Lord, we're going to go
here. We're going to, we're just going to, we're just going to
encourage you to not be looking for signs and wonders regarding
your spirit mate, look for the fruit, trust wisdom, ask for
community to help you. And it will go well with you. Multitude
of counselors. It tells us in the Bible to make decisions with
the multitude of counselors, wise counselors is key there.
Okay. So that kind of goes back to where we started in the
beginning. Make sure you're careful who you're surrounding
yourself with. Do I believe 100% in the charismatic and believing
in signs and wonders? Yes, I do. Yes, I do. You all, I do. I
believe for God to show up and do miraculous things. But I
learned that I could not do that regarding my spirit mate. I
couldn't. And I learned a lot through that. I learned to look
at when the first date I had with Brian and the amount of
peace that I felt. And I saw him being kind and good to
everybody. That's what stood out to me the most on the first
date. He, he was not someone I typically would have swiped
right on you all, but he was incredible. And from day one, he
stood out to me. So that's what God showed me through some of
that. So I hope this was helpful. I know that was kind of
big. We got a lot to think about regarding that. Um, am I saying
if you guys choose to do that, you know, it's not going to go
well with you. No, God's got you. Guess what you all, if we
make a mistake, God is big enough to get us back on track.
He is. But let's try to lean into community and trust what
God wants to do in the process. Okay. All right, we're at 938.
I'm going to close this out. This is so good. I could keep
going. But I know we can't. We'll see you guys in the group.
Hope that you continue to lean into the healing that God is
doing revealing for healing. Remember any image, any thought
just jot it down. Even if you don't fully understand it, just
ask God, ask him the questions. What does this, what does this
mean? What are you trying to show me? And he will. Father,
thank you so much for your incredible grace. God, thank you
that even at times when we blame you, God, you have nothing but
love in your eyes for us and your heart for us. And you
understand. Yes, Lord, your shoulders are big enough to
carry it. And we thank you for extending mercy and grace to us.
We thank you that you'll help us to walk in forgiveness towards
other people, towards ourselves towards you. God help us to
understand a little bit more tonight and in the days ahead
that you are good, that you're faithful, that you're kind, that
you are love, that you are peace, that you are joy, God,
and that you enable us and equip us to walk in all these things
and attract healthy spirit mates that walk in these things. God,
we thank you for redeeming our timelines, bringing restoration
and redemption in the areas where we've lost things. God, we
thank you for restitution in every area. God, where things
have been stolen and taken by the hand of the enemy and by his
schemes and his plots and his wickedness and his deceitfulness
using men that are that don't have hearts healed by you. God,
we thank you for for helping us to get that stuff back. And then
some God that there's there's going to be double portion. And
we thank you for blessing your daughters, your sons help us to
see ourselves through your eyes help us to become more rooted
and grounded in your love every single day. In Jesus name. God
bless you all again. See you guys in the group. Love you
again. Thank you for the courage of everyone who shared tonight.
Be blessed. Have a good night, everyone. Bye bye.