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Oh, I guess we are recording.

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Yes, I would love to explain that to you.

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Okay, so, you know, dating, the word dating has, you know,

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had different iterations over the generations, right?

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You won't find the word dating in the Bible.

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It's not mentioned there because no one did that.

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There was no such thing as dating in the pre-modern world, right?

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In the biblical world, you know, you had, you know, betrothals.

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You know, you were promised to each other and then you got married

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and there was a whole lot that went into that.

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Even in our pre-modern world, that was the truth.

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You know, we had debutante balls.

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We had courtships.

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We had, you know, dating wasn't a thing.

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Dating really wasn't a thing until the turn of the century.

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And really, honestly, ladies, dating came to be as part of women's empowerment.

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Women were getting to choose who and who they didn't want to court them, right?

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This is where it comes from.

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And it really gained traction.

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Dating really gained traction in the 60s, okay,

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where there was a lot more freedom in the romantic area of people's lives

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and their sexuality and different things, okay?

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And so we really want to understand that even as early as the 1950s,

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you know, dates were always romantic propositions, always.

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You would never, if you were a teenager in the 50s in high school,

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as a guy, you would never call a girl up and ask her and her parents

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if you could take her out if you weren't romantically attracted to her.

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You just wouldn't do that.

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And you have to remember, people were meeting people within community.

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They were meeting people that lived in their neighborhoods,

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people that went to their high schools,

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people that were part of their civic or, you know, church groups.

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They weren't dating, quote, unquote, strangers on the Internet.

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Okay?

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No one was doing that.

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And so now we have to take the romance out of the word dating.

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We have to because up until you know that this is someone

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that you're romantically interested in,

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and we call that level three of relationship,

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everything else is discovery about this person because, once again,

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they might not be someone from your community.

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You might not know anyone that knows them.

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You're going to have to really see who this person is.

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You can't just be like, oh, okay, well, you know,

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he's been best friends with my cousin Frank for, you know, 15 years,

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so he must be a good guy.

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You don't know.

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You don't know who this person is.

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And so spending time around them, getting to know them,

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getting to see whether or not you're even interested in a romantic date

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with them, right?

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If you're interested in a romantic proposition with them.

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And so that's why I say that.

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Dating is about discovery.

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It's about discovering what you like and what you don't like,

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what you want and what you don't want.

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It's about, for some of you that have been divorced,

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getting back out there and making different decisions that you made the

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first time.

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Okay.

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Getting to know a different variety of people than maybe you ever have in

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your life before.

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Of the 600 plus success stories that we've had in the last 39 months,

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I will tell you,

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at least 50% of those people ended up marrying someone that they never,

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ever,

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ever would have guessed they would have been attracted to,

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or would have ended up marrying.

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Whether that person was not the age they expected or not the race they

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expected or didn't come from the state they expected or background they

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expected.

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Wasn't someone that they used to think that they were, you know,

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fit their criteria of attraction.

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Doesn't matter.

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Whatever it was, it was a surprise.

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It was a surprise that they started to have romantic feelings for that

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person.

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It was a surprise when they kept showing back up for more and more and

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more, you know, get togethers.

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We call those dates because they were intrigued by the person and then

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eventually ended up falling in love with the person.

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So that's why it's really,

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really important that you just put romance aside.

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There's plenty of time for romance right now.

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Let's just find out who this person is.

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Let's just give ourselves a chance to get to know them.

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Go ahead.

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Is there generally.

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I hate to say it this way, but is there generally a, and maybe,

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cause I'm just starting the phase two.

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Part. So maybe you get into that.

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With the levels of dating.

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But.

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If you start to go out with somebody and let's say you're.

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With them for a month or you're with them for two months.

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And they have romantic feelings for you,

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but you're still trying to get to know them.

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But you kind of like them and you like who they are and you could see

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yourself having.

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You know, romantic feelings towards them. Is there a.

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Is there a point.

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Is there a timeframe, I guess.

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Where you go from.

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You know,

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place. Like, I also, I also feel like there's a lot, a lot of

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times you get into that infatuation with somebody

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because you have this idea of who they are, and, and they look

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good on paper, and they have all the qualities of somebody that

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you want, and you fall hard fast.

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Which is why we have the different levels of relationship.

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So relationship level one is community. And I break this

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down, I thought I broke it down the dating 101 video, the level

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one is community. So these are people that you know, men and

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women that you're just in some sort of acquaintance with in

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community with maybe you work with them, maybe you ride the

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same public transit every day, you see them on the train,

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whatever, you're in community in some sort of community with

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this person, you don't really know them that well. Maybe you

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kind of know them, but maybe you don't know them at all. You just

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see them every day, you work in a hospital and you pass your,

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your, you know, your ships passing the night. Okay, level

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two is where there's a spark of intrigue. It doesn't have to be

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romantic, it doesn't have to be like, Oh, I think they're, you

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know, amazing, and so good looking or whatever. But you

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want to get to know this person better for whatever reason, or

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they want to get to know you better. And then they ask you

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out on what all of us call a date. Okay, they ask you to

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coffee, they ask you to lunch, they ask you to some sort of

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one on one situation where you're going to sit down and

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try to get to know each other better. Now, I think people

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should stay at level two for as long as possible to really make

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a decision of whether or not you want to go to level three,

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because level three is exclusivity. You've decided

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that you're going to take yourself off the market for this

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person, you're only going to focus on them, they're only

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going to focus on you to see whether or not this relationship

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can go all the way. Okay, that will, that's what we would call

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boyfriend and girlfriend, right? Is my boyfriend, this is my

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girlfriend. We're exclusive, we're together. We're in a

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romance. You know, we're trying to see whether or not this

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romance actually can become a marriage. And then level four,

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of course, is proposal engagement. And then level five

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is marriage. Okay, level two should be your longest level. A

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lot of people kind of stay short in level two, they rush into

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level three. So level two should be I'm sorry, it shouldn't be

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your longest level. But it should last longer than it does.

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Level three should actually be your longest level. I like short

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engagements, y'all used to know by the time that person asked

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you to be their wife, whether or not you really want to be their

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wife, because you spend enough time in level two and three. And

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if you didn't, then that's where you're going to be confused in

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level four, if you know some yellow flags start turning red.

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So make sure you stay in level two and three long enough to

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when you get to level four, and they ask you and you say yes,

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y'all could get married next month if you if you needed to.

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Okay. All right. Does that answer your question? Sharon?

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Yeah, that does. Thank you very much.

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You're welcome. And ladies, what I've noticed is that people that

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have been burned badly, both men and women, and also older women

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specifically, have a tendency to, you know, see a lot of

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things. A far off, let's put it that way, you know, just

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basically, go through too many scenarios in your mind, you

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know, why can't work, why it shouldn't work, why this person

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is not the person or, you know, you, you go red flag hunting,

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and you find things about this person that you don't really

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like or care for, before you really give yourself a chance to

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get to know them. Okay, red flags often are really yellow

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flags that you've turned red, because you don't know this

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person's personality, you don't know their heart. Okay, and

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they're yellow flags that could possibly very, very possibly

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turn green. If that person is teachable, and they're aware of

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their shortcomings. People most of the time know what's wrong

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with them. And if they're willing to work on those things,

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and they are working on those things that you going digging

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around their garbage at nighttime, trying to find those

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things is not going to be beneficial for you. All right.

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Okay. Who's next?

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I have a question. Okay. Okay, so I just joined level phase

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two, the love accelerator. And it seems like everybody's

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dating, and it's always online dating. And I talked to you,

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Jackie before about, I met this guy online. And it just seems

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like all they want is sex. And then and then they think that

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you're weird that you're online dating on these online dating

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sites. And you don't want to have sex. So I feel like the

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online dating is not a good, like, and then how would I find

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a date if I'm not online dating?

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Okay, so I hear a couple different questions there. So

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let's start with the first question. So we do have a dating

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challenge, a lot of people are going to use the apps to meet

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new people. All right, they are going to use those there's lots

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of apps to choose from. And I will tell you guys that 70% of

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Christians are still

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meeting their spouses on an app, all right?

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And even in our community, we love what we do

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because it's supernatural.

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So we prepare you to be the bride.

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We help you unpack the heart boxes.

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We help you get rid of all the things

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that would be in the way of love

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and keep you from actually letting love in

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when it shows up.

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You guys, that's 80% of it.

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You gotta be able to let it in when it shows up

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and just because it doesn't look the way you expect it

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or it doesn't live where you expected it to live

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or whatever.

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So we do all that work, do a lot of matchmaking.

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People get married within our community,

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within our men's and women's community all the time.

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And then I do matchmaking and we have other things

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that cause matchmaking opportunities.

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But the most thing that we do

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of our 600 plus success stories is we help people

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to put themselves out there with a different perspective,

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filters off, blind spots off,

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and they're able to, you know, once again,

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step into that love story that God has for them.

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And for a lot of people that happens on an app.

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So Jennifer, I wanna address where you said that,

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you know, most of these people are looking for sex.

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It's not true.

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Most of the people that you have met are looking for sex.

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And so first, let's just go ahead and grab a hold of that.

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Does that make you bad or broken?

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No, it just means that when something happens to us

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more than once, we have a tendency to believe

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that that's all there is.

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And it's not true.

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So we don't wanna get back into a place

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where we're letting the little foxes back in the vineyard.

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Okay.

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Now, if you are burnt out with anything

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that has to do with digital dating, take a break from it.

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There's plenty of places and things that you can do

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in person where you can meet new people.

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We're actually gonna be having a, you know,

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a big retreat calendar for all of our single cities

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this year, retreats, conferences,

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get togethers, singles meetups.

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We're gonna go fully in-person.

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I know that COVID was four years ago,

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but believe it or not, in-person still has suffered

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from, you know, just all the price, you know,

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hikes and all the things that all the hospitality centers

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have done to try to make up for that time.

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And it's finally starting to even out.

247
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And it's finally time to start doing in-person again.

248
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Okay.

249
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So really excited about 2024 and in-person opportunities

250
00:12:21.620 --> 00:12:23.900
with last year's single community.

251
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But ladies, this is for all of you.

252
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Follow your bliss.

253
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Find your bliss.

254
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Okay.

255
00:12:30.800 --> 00:12:33.280
If the Lord speaks to you and he specifically wants you

256
00:12:33.280 --> 00:12:35.680
to get uncomfortable and do something that stretches you

257
00:12:35.680 --> 00:12:38.880
that you didn't really wanna do, then you do what he says.

258
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But if you're burnt out, you don't like something,

259
00:12:41.640 --> 00:12:43.400
it makes you feel depressed.

260
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You know, it makes you feel sad.

261
00:12:45.720 --> 00:12:46.820
No, don't do it.

262
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Don't do it.

263
00:12:48.660 --> 00:12:50.640
We're not doing this in our own strength.

264
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Your love story is supernatural.

265
00:12:53.180 --> 00:12:55.140
So continue to do this work,

266
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continue to work on yourself,

267
00:12:56.820 --> 00:12:58.940
continue to put yourself out there to your community

268
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and let them know, hey, I'm open to introductions.

269
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I'm open to blind dates, to the people that you trust.

270
00:13:05.180 --> 00:13:08.300
I'm open for you to introduce me to someone.

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Continue to take, you know, advantage of the other.

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Here's one thing that the ladies that have leveraged this

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00:13:14.500 --> 00:13:16.920
in this community have been very successful.

274
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You have a huge sister squad within last year's single.

275
00:13:21.440 --> 00:13:23.560
And just because a man's not right for one of you

276
00:13:23.560 --> 00:13:25.440
doesn't mean he's not right for another one of you.

277
00:13:25.440 --> 00:13:27.760
So make sure that if you meet a great guy

278
00:13:27.760 --> 00:13:30.800
that you're just really not physically and emotionally

279
00:13:30.800 --> 00:13:32.600
and romantically attracted to,

280
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but he's wonderful and he loves the Lord.

281
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Make sure that you're putting him,

282
00:13:37.920 --> 00:13:39.240
you know, you're praying and say,

283
00:13:39.240 --> 00:13:42.440
hey God, do I know a sister in this area

284
00:13:42.440 --> 00:13:44.920
that this man lives in within here,

285
00:13:44.920 --> 00:13:48.040
that within this group that I could introduce him to?

286
00:13:48.980 --> 00:13:51.860
Do I know someone?

287
00:13:52.700 --> 00:13:55.500
You know, leverage that matchmaking ability

288
00:13:55.500 --> 00:13:57.260
for each other as well.

289
00:13:57.260 --> 00:14:00.300
And so Jennifer, you have permission to stay off the apps

290
00:14:01.240 --> 00:14:04.360
until, you know, maybe forever.

291
00:14:06.600 --> 00:14:10.020
Maybe forever, but you guys,

292
00:14:10.020 --> 00:14:13.060
there are good people on every single app,

293
00:14:13.060 --> 00:14:15.340
even Tinder, which is the booty call app.

294
00:14:15.340 --> 00:14:18.040
I know people who have gotten married off of Tinder.

295
00:14:18.040 --> 00:14:18.880
Okay.

296
00:14:18.880 --> 00:14:19.880
Awesome, thank you.

297
00:14:26.480 --> 00:14:29.000
And ladies, if someone wants sex,

298
00:14:29.000 --> 00:14:30.680
obviously it's a delete block.

299
00:14:32.160 --> 00:14:33.760
You don't have to correct them.

300
00:14:33.760 --> 00:14:35.680
You don't have to tell them why they're wrong

301
00:14:35.680 --> 00:14:36.760
and why they're disgusting.

302
00:14:36.760 --> 00:14:37.800
Just delete block.

303
00:14:37.800 --> 00:14:40.560
Don't even favor them with an answer.

304
00:14:41.440 --> 00:14:43.840
You know, if they ask what you're doing,

305
00:14:43.860 --> 00:14:45.980
if they ask if they can come over and cuddle,

306
00:14:45.980 --> 00:14:47.560
you know, just delete block.

307
00:14:51.500 --> 00:14:52.340
By the way-

308
00:14:52.340 --> 00:14:53.380
If they ask to come over and cuddle,

309
00:14:53.380 --> 00:14:56.020
it doesn't mean they just want to cuddle.

310
00:14:56.020 --> 00:14:57.140
Well, they're a complete stranger.

311
00:14:57.140 --> 00:14:58.740
Why would you cuddle with them?

312
00:14:58.740 --> 00:14:59.980
And so, yeah.

313
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:04.520
course, it doesn't mean that at all. But that's code for and I

314
00:15:04.520 --> 00:15:07.480
think that these men think that, you know, if I meet this woman's

315
00:15:07.480 --> 00:15:10.280
emotional need, or if I talk about an emotional need that a

316
00:15:10.280 --> 00:15:14.120
woman needs, of just coming and holding her and cuddling her,

317
00:15:14.360 --> 00:15:16.960
then you know, that gets me in the door for the things that I

318
00:15:16.960 --> 00:15:22.000
want. Right. And yeah, that's the delete block.

319
00:15:22.000 --> 00:15:32.640
I have a question, Jackie. Yeah. So when you're meeting someone

320
00:15:32.640 --> 00:15:37.400
for the first time, do you feel that it's okay to ask them

321
00:15:37.440 --> 00:15:43.640
about their relationship with God? Or should we give it some

322
00:15:43.640 --> 00:15:44.080
time?

323
00:15:47.360 --> 00:15:50.760
You know, here's the thing. The thing is, is that, you know,

324
00:15:51.400 --> 00:15:55.080
with God is a personal thing, right? And in it's not

325
00:15:55.080 --> 00:16:00.120
necessarily measured by what all of us measure it by, you know,

326
00:16:00.120 --> 00:16:03.280
whatever denomination you come from, I'm sure that there's a

327
00:16:03.280 --> 00:16:06.880
level of spirituality, that you measure things by, for instance,

328
00:16:06.880 --> 00:16:09.760
the charismatics, they would measure it by, you know, Holy

329
00:16:09.760 --> 00:16:13.400
Spirit activity, do you speak in tongues, blah, blah, blah, you

330
00:16:13.400 --> 00:16:15.360
know, that's how we would say whether this person was

331
00:16:15.360 --> 00:16:18.960
spiritual or not. Other people like maybe the Baptist, how well

332
00:16:18.960 --> 00:16:21.520
do you know scripture? Can you quote scripture, you know, you

333
00:16:21.520 --> 00:16:24.800
don't see what I'm saying. And so I don't really think that

334
00:16:24.800 --> 00:16:29.040
it's good to measure people by gifts or by denominational

335
00:16:29.040 --> 00:16:32.840
criteria. I think that it's important to see if this person

336
00:16:32.840 --> 00:16:37.920
has fruit in their lives. You know, and one way that I have

337
00:16:37.920 --> 00:16:41.240
found with coaching all of the Christian women that I coached

338
00:16:41.240 --> 00:16:44.680
that you can find out about a man's spirituality without

339
00:16:45.000 --> 00:16:51.320
interrogating him, is by just owning your own. Okay. And what

340
00:16:51.320 --> 00:16:54.120
that looks like is, you know, if you're, you know, and I know

341
00:16:54.120 --> 00:16:57.200
women like this, and I know men like this, that they cannot even

342
00:16:57.200 --> 00:17:00.040
say a sentence without the word Jesus in it, they can't say a

343
00:17:00.040 --> 00:17:03.320
sentence without the word Jesus in it. Okay. They're just like,

344
00:17:03.320 --> 00:17:05.400
and the Lord was good. And I went over here and I got some

345
00:17:05.400 --> 00:17:09.160
gas and Oh, Jesus, bless me, you know, look at the price. I mean,

346
00:17:09.160 --> 00:17:13.359
they just cannot, they can't. All right, there's as churchy as

347
00:17:13.359 --> 00:17:16.200
you can get. And if you are one of those people, then you got to

348
00:17:16.200 --> 00:17:19.200
do you boo, you got to be yourself. Because if the person

349
00:17:19.200 --> 00:17:22.079
doesn't like that, then they're not going to like you. Okay. But

350
00:17:22.079 --> 00:17:26.359
if you're like me, I love Jesus. But he is, you know, I'm not

351
00:17:26.359 --> 00:17:29.760
going to say his name more than he even said his name. I mean,

352
00:17:29.760 --> 00:17:33.760
I'm not purposely not saying it. But I'm not just running around

353
00:17:33.760 --> 00:17:36.960
like preaching and evangelize and everyone and like, praying

354
00:17:36.960 --> 00:17:39.800
for everyone in the lines if I can like get them healed or

355
00:17:39.800 --> 00:17:43.280
whatever. I know people that do that. God bless them. They do

356
00:17:43.280 --> 00:17:45.800
it. Maybe I should do more of it. But that's just not how I

357
00:17:45.800 --> 00:17:50.320
live out my faith. Okay, my I live out my faith, and I'm not

358
00:17:50.320 --> 00:17:53.560
ashamed of the Lord, but I don't live out my faith that way. And

359
00:17:53.560 --> 00:17:55.960
so if you're not someone who lives out their faith that way,

360
00:17:56.280 --> 00:17:58.400
you have to understand that there are other people who don't

361
00:17:58.400 --> 00:18:01.040
live out their faith that way. Okay, they're part of spiritual

362
00:18:01.040 --> 00:18:06.080
community. They do know God they have relationship with God. But

363
00:18:06.120 --> 00:18:09.520
you're going to find that out by just being yourself. You know,

364
00:18:09.520 --> 00:18:11.560
if you're just sitting and talking and being like, you

365
00:18:11.560 --> 00:18:13.280
know, hey, what are you going to do this weekend? And they're

366
00:18:13.280 --> 00:18:15.600
like, blah, blah, blah. And you're like, Yeah, I'm gonna,

367
00:18:15.640 --> 00:18:18.440
you know, go to this concert on Saturday. And then I have church

368
00:18:18.440 --> 00:18:22.080
on Sunday, you know, you're going to talk about what it is

369
00:18:22.080 --> 00:18:25.760
you do. And then you can kind of watch their reaction, right? Oh,

370
00:18:25.760 --> 00:18:28.240
yeah, I got church too. Yeah, yeah, I gotta go. Where do you

371
00:18:28.240 --> 00:18:31.600
go to church? You know, those, those really natural organic

372
00:18:31.600 --> 00:18:36.920
conversations don't make men or women feel like they're being

373
00:18:36.960 --> 00:18:40.800
interrogated. Or, you know, because men complain about this,

374
00:18:41.000 --> 00:18:44.560
ladies, they do all the time. They they first of all, I will

375
00:18:44.560 --> 00:18:47.240
tell you, this is what Christian men complain about to me. They

376
00:18:47.240 --> 00:18:50.000
complain that they feel like every woman that they go out

377
00:18:50.000 --> 00:18:53.040
with is just vetting them out to see if, if he's their husband,

378
00:18:53.080 --> 00:18:58.960
if he is their husband. Okay, cross them off the list. Check

379
00:18:58.960 --> 00:19:02.840
them off. All right. They feel like that. Some guys have even

380
00:19:02.840 --> 00:19:06.680
gone as far as to say, I don't even put that I'm a Christian in

381
00:19:06.680 --> 00:19:09.800
my bio on the dating app, because I feel like it attracts

382
00:19:09.800 --> 00:19:12.520
women that are not looking to get to know me that are just

383
00:19:12.520 --> 00:19:16.560
looking for a husband. Promise you, this is feedback that I've

384
00:19:16.560 --> 00:19:20.320
gotten for more for more than one man. Okay. And then the

385
00:19:20.320 --> 00:19:25.720
other thing is, is that, you know, church, most church,

386
00:19:25.840 --> 00:19:29.680
especially non denominational church, it isn't that attractive

387
00:19:29.680 --> 00:19:33.560
to men as it is to women. Okay, the way the format of it, it's

388
00:19:33.600 --> 00:19:37.360
not as attractive, no men go, but they don't, they don't,

389
00:19:37.400 --> 00:19:39.920
that's not necessarily where they get all of their

390
00:19:39.920 --> 00:19:44.040
spirituality from, okay, or their connection with God from,

391
00:19:44.400 --> 00:19:46.640
you know, men are made differently than women. And it's

392
00:19:46.640 --> 00:19:50.040
important that we don't judge men's spirituality by a female

393
00:19:50.040 --> 00:19:56.320
or feminine criteria. Okay, a lot of people also, post COVID,

394
00:19:56.440 --> 00:19:59.320
their church either closed or their church really drastically

395
00:19:59.320 --> 00:20:00.080
changed whether

396
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:03.000
the leadership of it changed or the dynamics of it changed.

397
00:20:03.000 --> 00:20:06.040
And a lot of people have been kind of, you know,

398
00:20:07.080 --> 00:20:11.920
steep without a shepherd since 2020 and 2021.

399
00:20:11.920 --> 00:20:13.280
Kind of trying to find their footing.

400
00:20:13.280 --> 00:20:14.560
You know, they were going to church online,

401
00:20:14.560 --> 00:20:16.440
they got into a bad habit of that.

402
00:20:16.440 --> 00:20:17.760
So let's keep all that in mind

403
00:20:17.760 --> 00:20:19.840
when we're out there meeting people, okay?

404
00:20:23.240 --> 00:20:24.080
Okay, thanks.

405
00:20:27.680 --> 00:20:28.960
So Teresa, to answer your question,

406
00:20:28.960 --> 00:20:30.360
just let it organically come up.

407
00:20:30.360 --> 00:20:32.480
You don't have to try to figure out

408
00:20:32.480 --> 00:20:35.200
what level of faith that they're at right away.

409
00:20:35.200 --> 00:20:37.920
You can just kind of have fun on the first couple of dates

410
00:20:37.920 --> 00:20:39.240
and really see, you know,

411
00:20:39.240 --> 00:20:41.960
if they cuss like a sailor and they drink like a sailor,

412
00:20:41.960 --> 00:20:45.760
they're probably not a Christian, okay?

413
00:20:45.760 --> 00:20:47.480
Or they're not living out their faith.

414
00:20:47.480 --> 00:20:49.760
If they do other things that are untoward,

415
00:20:49.760 --> 00:20:50.840
then of course you're not gonna go out

416
00:20:50.840 --> 00:20:52.440
with them again anyway.

417
00:20:52.440 --> 00:20:55.800
But I think that just letting the conversation open up

418
00:20:55.800 --> 00:20:57.640
and talking about the things that are important to you,

419
00:20:57.680 --> 00:20:59.360
which God being one of them,

420
00:20:59.360 --> 00:21:01.240
I think you're gonna naturally see that person

421
00:21:01.240 --> 00:21:05.320
either like not be interested and not ask you out anymore,

422
00:21:05.320 --> 00:21:07.080
or they're going to be interested

423
00:21:07.080 --> 00:21:08.800
and they're going to, you know,

424
00:21:08.800 --> 00:21:11.040
begin to share about their own faith as well.

425
00:21:13.600 --> 00:21:14.440
Okay.

426
00:21:21.360 --> 00:21:22.840
Historically speaking, ladies,

427
00:21:22.840 --> 00:21:25.120
men who are not believers and don't love Jesus

428
00:21:25.120 --> 00:21:27.120
don't like to go out with women that do.

429
00:21:28.640 --> 00:21:30.040
You're not gonna be the kind of girl

430
00:21:30.040 --> 00:21:32.080
that they're looking for

431
00:21:32.080 --> 00:21:34.320
if that's not what they're interested in.

432
00:21:36.560 --> 00:21:37.960
All right, what else we got?

433
00:21:51.320 --> 00:21:52.960
All right, if you guys don't have any more questions,

434
00:21:52.960 --> 00:21:55.440
I can actually just go through some stuff

435
00:21:55.440 --> 00:21:56.920
from your roll call today.

436
00:21:57.960 --> 00:21:59.840
From your roll call for this week.

437
00:21:59.840 --> 00:22:01.640
And if you guys wanna do that,

438
00:22:01.640 --> 00:22:04.360
we can kind of glean from some of the things

439
00:22:04.360 --> 00:22:05.440
that are on here.

440
00:22:13.040 --> 00:22:14.160
Let's see.

441
00:22:19.960 --> 00:22:22.960
There's been some questions about soul ties.

442
00:22:22.960 --> 00:22:25.680
Soul ties are just those, you know,

443
00:22:25.760 --> 00:22:27.120
just kind of in layman's term,

444
00:22:27.120 --> 00:22:30.160
what they are is they're things that

445
00:22:30.160 --> 00:22:33.360
keep us from moving forward in certain areas of our lives.

446
00:22:33.360 --> 00:22:35.800
They keep us tethered to the past.

447
00:22:35.800 --> 00:22:38.200
They keep us in the same patterns.

448
00:22:38.200 --> 00:22:39.080
And we don't want those,

449
00:22:39.080 --> 00:22:42.000
especially if those patterns are negative patterns.

450
00:22:42.000 --> 00:22:44.160
We wanna break free from those things and go forward.

451
00:22:44.160 --> 00:22:45.840
So soul ties can be to people,

452
00:22:45.840 --> 00:22:46.720
they could be to places,

453
00:22:46.720 --> 00:22:47.560
they could be to things,

454
00:22:47.560 --> 00:22:49.720
they could be to ideas.

455
00:22:49.720 --> 00:22:50.560
Just so you know,

456
00:22:50.560 --> 00:22:52.960
they don't have to just be sexual in nature.

457
00:22:52.960 --> 00:22:55.320
How many of you watched the bonus soul tie session

458
00:22:55.960 --> 00:22:56.800
in phase one?

459
00:22:57.680 --> 00:22:58.520
Okay.

460
00:22:58.520 --> 00:22:59.360
If you haven't seen it,

461
00:22:59.360 --> 00:23:00.920
it is in your heart work course

462
00:23:00.920 --> 00:23:02.240
in phase one of the program.

463
00:23:02.240 --> 00:23:04.920
Make sure you go back and watch it.

464
00:23:04.920 --> 00:23:06.360
But some people say in phase two

465
00:23:06.360 --> 00:23:09.120
that they're running into the soul tie stuff.

466
00:23:09.120 --> 00:23:10.520
You know, holidays, ladies,

467
00:23:10.520 --> 00:23:15.400
is a time for old angzyne, right?

468
00:23:15.400 --> 00:23:19.120
It's a time to be reminiscent of the past and nostalgic.

469
00:23:19.120 --> 00:23:20.880
A lot of the songs and different things

470
00:23:20.880 --> 00:23:23.960
talk about nostalgia that we have around the holidays.

471
00:23:23.960 --> 00:23:24.880
And you guys, for me,

472
00:23:24.880 --> 00:23:29.120
nostalgia a lot of times can just be a fancy word for fear.

473
00:23:31.000 --> 00:23:33.840
You know, when the past seems more promising

474
00:23:33.840 --> 00:23:34.680
than the future,

475
00:23:34.680 --> 00:23:36.320
we know that we're believing a lie.

476
00:23:37.440 --> 00:23:38.720
So for this time of the year,

477
00:23:38.720 --> 00:23:41.920
your mind tends to go back to former relationships

478
00:23:41.920 --> 00:23:42.800
and how you felt,

479
00:23:42.800 --> 00:23:44.720
and you're forgetting all of the negative stuff

480
00:23:44.720 --> 00:23:47.160
of why you're not with that person anymore.

481
00:23:47.160 --> 00:23:48.240
But you're only remembering

482
00:23:48.240 --> 00:23:51.280
the kind of rose colored glasses stuff.

483
00:23:51.280 --> 00:23:53.640
We wanna make sure that we nip that in the bud.

484
00:23:54.880 --> 00:23:55.920
Because all that is,

485
00:23:55.920 --> 00:23:58.400
is that that's just you trying to medicate yourself.

486
00:23:58.400 --> 00:24:00.440
Just you trying to, you know,

487
00:24:00.440 --> 00:24:02.680
feel better about your current situation.

488
00:24:02.680 --> 00:24:05.760
And it actually causes us to lose momentum.

489
00:24:05.760 --> 00:24:08.040
So what we wanna do is we want to,

490
00:24:08.040 --> 00:24:10.160
instead of putting any hope in the past,

491
00:24:10.160 --> 00:24:12.960
we wanna put all of our hope in the future, right?

492
00:24:12.960 --> 00:24:15.400
And that starts with present routine.

493
00:24:15.400 --> 00:24:18.120
You guys, the secret sauce to your love story

494
00:24:18.120 --> 00:24:21.720
is your present routine right now.

495
00:24:22.640 --> 00:24:25.560
If you're not getting on prayer, get on prayer.

496
00:24:25.560 --> 00:24:26.800
That's what it's there for.

497
00:24:26.800 --> 00:24:27.800
It's supernatural.

498
00:24:27.800 --> 00:24:29.120
It will increase your hope.

499
00:24:29.120 --> 00:24:30.640
I wanna tell you something about your love story.

500
00:24:30.640 --> 00:24:31.680
You need to know this.

501
00:24:31.680 --> 00:24:33.360
Your love story is supernatural.

502
00:24:34.400 --> 00:24:35.960
If your love story was natural,

503
00:24:35.960 --> 00:24:38.320
you would already be married.

504
00:24:38.320 --> 00:24:41.200
If your love story was in your control fully,

505
00:24:41.200 --> 00:24:42.880
and you could just go out and make it happen,

506
00:24:42.880 --> 00:24:45.960
all of you would have went out and made it happen already.

507
00:24:47.200 --> 00:24:48.240
Okay?

508
00:24:48.240 --> 00:24:49.960
So we have to remember,

509
00:24:49.960 --> 00:24:51.560
without letting go of our part,

510
00:24:52.400 --> 00:24:53.680
our natural part that we play,

511
00:24:53.680 --> 00:24:56.400
we're expecting God to put the super on our natural.

512
00:24:56.400 --> 00:24:58.120
So we have a routine, right?

513
00:24:58.120 --> 00:25:00.160
We have some discipline that we have to.

514
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.120
put into practice here in 2024.

515
00:25:03.120 --> 00:25:05.120
And sometimes that means doing things afraid

516
00:25:05.120 --> 00:25:08.120
that are stretching us and that we don't like Jennifer,

517
00:25:08.120 --> 00:25:12.360
getting on apps and swiping past the sex bots

518
00:25:12.360 --> 00:25:14.200
and the people that are there for the wrong reasons

519
00:25:14.200 --> 00:25:16.320
and understanding that there is a diamond

520
00:25:17.560 --> 00:25:20.280
in this big pile of coal somewhere.

521
00:25:20.280 --> 00:25:21.880
There is.

522
00:25:21.880 --> 00:25:23.560
And one of the things I wanna tell you about apps

523
00:25:23.560 --> 00:25:26.760
if you're doing them is you can't just do them randomly.

524
00:25:26.760 --> 00:25:29.080
You gotta have a routine for them.

525
00:25:29.120 --> 00:25:32.080
Okay, I only swipe on these two days of the week

526
00:25:32.080 --> 00:25:35.400
and then I look at the responses on this day.

527
00:25:35.400 --> 00:25:36.920
And I go through, see if there's anyone

528
00:25:36.920 --> 00:25:37.760
that I wanna talk to,

529
00:25:37.760 --> 00:25:39.440
and then I delete all the rest of the stuff.

530
00:25:39.440 --> 00:25:42.920
You have to have a system in place.

531
00:25:42.920 --> 00:25:45.680
Otherwise, if you just swipe when you're bored,

532
00:25:45.680 --> 00:25:48.640
if you just randomly look at your inbox messages

533
00:25:48.640 --> 00:25:50.880
every once in a while, you're gonna miss good messages,

534
00:25:50.880 --> 00:25:52.280
you're gonna miss good people.

535
00:25:52.280 --> 00:25:54.360
If you're swiping when you're bored,

536
00:25:54.360 --> 00:25:57.440
you're gonna feel burnout, you're gonna feel overwhelmed.

537
00:25:57.480 --> 00:26:00.920
You almost have to, you gotta get your game face on,

538
00:26:00.920 --> 00:26:03.120
you gotta get ready for it, okay?

539
00:26:03.120 --> 00:26:05.160
It's not ideal, I understand.

540
00:26:05.160 --> 00:26:07.920
And that's why if you don't feel like you can do it,

541
00:26:07.920 --> 00:26:09.720
you don't have enough bandwidth for it right now

542
00:26:09.720 --> 00:26:11.320
in your life, then don't do it.

543
00:26:12.200 --> 00:26:14.360
But once again, you have to remember,

544
00:26:14.360 --> 00:26:17.920
even when you're doing that, that it's not all on you.

545
00:26:17.920 --> 00:26:20.680
Take that mindset off, it's not all on you.

546
00:26:20.680 --> 00:26:22.320
You're doing what you know to do

547
00:26:22.320 --> 00:26:24.320
so that God can do what only he can do.

548
00:26:25.160 --> 00:26:27.400
Your love story is supernatural.

549
00:26:27.400 --> 00:26:30.520
I have not come across even one love story

550
00:26:30.520 --> 00:26:33.440
in the last three years that we have been part of

551
00:26:33.440 --> 00:26:37.940
helping make happen that wasn't supernatural.

552
00:26:39.440 --> 00:26:43.520
In fact, right now I have a client who got a divorce,

553
00:26:43.520 --> 00:26:45.840
it's not ideal, but it forced her to move back

554
00:26:45.840 --> 00:26:48.160
to her tiny little hometown in Texas.

555
00:26:49.160 --> 00:26:50.200
And you know what?

556
00:26:50.200 --> 00:26:52.560
She moved back, it's almost like a Hallmark movie.

557
00:26:52.560 --> 00:26:55.360
She moved back in her tiny little hometown in Texas,

558
00:26:56.400 --> 00:26:57.640
and guess what?

559
00:26:57.640 --> 00:27:00.040
A boy she went to middle school also moved back

560
00:27:00.040 --> 00:27:02.280
to his tiny little hometown in Texas,

561
00:27:02.280 --> 00:27:04.320
and now they're falling in love.

562
00:27:07.400 --> 00:27:08.760
Haven't seen each other since middle school,

563
00:27:08.760 --> 00:27:12.240
weren't romantically involved with each other during school,

564
00:27:12.240 --> 00:27:15.240
just know each other from the same tiny little community.

565
00:27:17.960 --> 00:27:19.480
Crazy, right?

566
00:27:19.480 --> 00:27:22.920
Yeah, actually, there's another story like that.

567
00:27:22.920 --> 00:27:25.440
I just got a picture in my inbox last night

568
00:27:25.440 --> 00:27:27.160
from one of my OGs, one of the ladies

569
00:27:27.160 --> 00:27:30.440
that has been with me for over a year,

570
00:27:30.440 --> 00:27:34.160
and she was actually almost engaged,

571
00:27:34.160 --> 00:27:35.560
well, I think they were engaged,

572
00:27:35.560 --> 00:27:37.080
they were in our Symbus class,

573
00:27:37.080 --> 00:27:38.360
and it just wasn't compatible,

574
00:27:38.360 --> 00:27:41.040
it was a long distance relationship, it got broken off.

575
00:27:41.040 --> 00:27:42.720
So it went all the way to level four,

576
00:27:42.720 --> 00:27:46.920
and then got broken off, pretty devastating, right?

577
00:27:46.920 --> 00:27:50.120
But then what happened was is she crossed paths

578
00:27:50.120 --> 00:27:55.120
with someone that she dated when she was younger,

579
00:27:55.240 --> 00:27:58.840
16 years ago, they dated just really briefly,

580
00:27:58.840 --> 00:28:01.320
and she was like, no, I don't really think

581
00:28:01.320 --> 00:28:02.920
that I'm that attracted to you.

582
00:28:02.920 --> 00:28:05.520
She was much younger, and now they're back together,

583
00:28:05.520 --> 00:28:07.480
and they've been together for seven months now,

584
00:28:07.480 --> 00:28:09.920
and it's going towards marriage, right?

585
00:28:09.920 --> 00:28:12.240
Crazy stuff, crazy stuff.

586
00:28:12.240 --> 00:28:16.320
I had a client who went to a funeral in her hometown,

587
00:28:16.320 --> 00:28:17.600
and on her way out of town,

588
00:28:17.600 --> 00:28:19.640
when she was leaving town from the funeral,

589
00:28:19.640 --> 00:28:23.160
she stopped at a Starbucks and ran into a boy

590
00:28:23.160 --> 00:28:26.200
from her high school class at Starbucks,

591
00:28:26.200 --> 00:28:28.640
and now they're in their 60s, you guys.

592
00:28:29.560 --> 00:28:32.960
And his wife passed away years ago,

593
00:28:32.960 --> 00:28:35.480
she's divorced, she's been divorced for 20 years,

594
00:28:35.480 --> 00:28:36.960
and he told her, he's like,

595
00:28:36.960 --> 00:28:38.360
I can't believe I'm running into you,

596
00:28:38.360 --> 00:28:39.880
that you're here in town.

597
00:28:39.880 --> 00:28:43.760
He's like, I had the biggest crush on you in high school,

598
00:28:43.760 --> 00:28:46.160
I would love to take you to dinner.

599
00:28:47.000 --> 00:28:48.400
She's like, come on, what?

600
00:28:49.400 --> 00:28:50.720
So I don't know who that's for,

601
00:28:50.720 --> 00:28:53.800
that maybe someone that you never gave a chance to,

602
00:28:53.800 --> 00:28:55.840
never even thought about giving a chance to,

603
00:28:55.840 --> 00:28:58.080
that you knew in a former life, so to speak,

604
00:28:58.080 --> 00:28:59.720
maybe they'll be circling back around.

605
00:28:59.720 --> 00:29:00.560
What is that called?

606
00:29:00.560 --> 00:29:02.640
That's called supernatural.

607
00:29:05.240 --> 00:29:06.400
Supernatural.

608
00:29:09.400 --> 00:29:10.960
So let's not take the supernatural

609
00:29:10.960 --> 00:29:12.920
out of our love stories, okay?

610
00:29:12.920 --> 00:29:14.320
We can only do what we can do,

611
00:29:14.320 --> 00:29:16.040
and we're here to do our part,

612
00:29:16.920 --> 00:29:19.600
and we expect God to do his part, amen?

613
00:29:21.600 --> 00:29:26.600
All right, so let's stop reminiscing about things,

614
00:29:27.160 --> 00:29:32.040
because if those things have any, any good stuff

615
00:29:32.040 --> 00:29:34.120
attached to them, God will bring them full circle,

616
00:29:34.120 --> 00:29:35.320
like he has for these people.

617
00:29:35.320 --> 00:29:37.000
Otherwise, it's time to let go of the past

618
00:29:37.000 --> 00:29:38.200
and walk into the future.

619
00:29:40.480 --> 00:29:42.280
All right, who's got another question?

620
00:29:46.040 --> 00:29:47.600
Julie, what's your question?

621
00:29:47.600 --> 00:29:48.840
Oh, you already asked it.

622
00:29:48.840 --> 00:29:50.160
Hannah.

623
00:29:50.160 --> 00:29:51.720
I didn't ask it.

624
00:29:51.720 --> 00:29:53.040
Okay, oh, go ahead.

625
00:29:53.040 --> 00:29:53.880
Sorry.

626
00:29:56.120 --> 00:30:00.080
So I've been seeing this guy for about a month now, and.

627
00:30:00.960 --> 00:30:07.280
I keep trying to take it slow, but it's really hard and it's like he wants to be boyfriend

628
00:30:07.280 --> 00:30:13.360
girlfriend I feel like, but I haven't have plenty of like questions as far as I want

629
00:30:13.360 --> 00:30:19.840
to connect spiritually more and I'm trying to like get to know him and see if I see more

630
00:30:19.840 --> 00:30:23.840
potential. Okay, so fill us in how long have you known each other, how many dates,

631
00:30:24.400 --> 00:30:32.320
how close is he local? He's local. It's like the beginning of December and we hang out a few times

632
00:30:32.320 --> 00:30:37.760
a week. Maybe it started off like I was making sure the dates were short and everything

633
00:30:40.240 --> 00:30:47.120
and now it just feels like we're a couple and then I did bring up like a couple weeks in

634
00:30:47.120 --> 00:30:57.120
if we were exclusive or what was going on and so that yeah. Okay, so ladies, so Julie said

635
00:30:57.120 --> 00:31:02.080
something really important. So even when you don't know someone really well, she only met this guy

636
00:31:02.080 --> 00:31:06.000
or started hanging out with him at the beginning of December. It's only the beginning of January,

637
00:31:06.000 --> 00:31:11.920
okay, but you heard what she said. The frequency of their hangouts is a couple times a week.

638
00:31:13.040 --> 00:31:16.640
So when you do that because they're local, you start kind of doing life together,

639
00:31:16.640 --> 00:31:19.680
you start hanging out a couple times a week, seeing each other, you know,

640
00:31:19.680 --> 00:31:24.800
a lot with frequency. It can feel like you've known someone for a whole lot longer, can't it?

641
00:31:26.480 --> 00:31:30.800
Right and so that's what's happening here. There's familiarity that's building up because you're

642
00:31:30.800 --> 00:31:37.040
spending a lot of time together. I know that a lot of women want to have the exclusive conversation

643
00:31:37.040 --> 00:31:41.120
like what are we doing here? Are we seeing other people still? Are we exclusive? Why? Because

644
00:31:41.120 --> 00:31:46.400
they're hanging out a lot, right? Want to have that define the relationship conversation

645
00:31:46.400 --> 00:31:52.560
quickly when that normally wouldn't probably come up until a little bit later in getting to

646
00:31:52.560 --> 00:31:58.000
know someone. But it's fair when you're spending and investing a lot of time and energy into

647
00:31:58.000 --> 00:32:02.880
someone. A lot of men don't even think of that. They think of the fact that, hey,

648
00:32:02.880 --> 00:32:06.240
is there anything romantic that's happened here? Any kissing, hugging, holding hands?

649
00:32:06.240 --> 00:32:16.560
You're muted. Yeah, yes. Okay. Yeah. So yeah, obviously, you know, you're this person's

650
00:32:16.560 --> 00:32:25.520
girlfriend. You know, ladies, one thing that will escalate you or will accelerate you is the word I

651
00:32:25.520 --> 00:32:33.440
want, accelerate you from level two to level three of relationship is romance. So holding hands,

652
00:32:33.440 --> 00:32:40.400
snuggling, kissing, you know, that automatically, of course, making out automatically that escalates

653
00:32:40.400 --> 00:32:46.880
the situation because it's about the risk factor, the investment factor. It's about all of those

654
00:32:46.880 --> 00:32:53.200
things. And so we don't want to, we have to, you know, we have to be exclusive with that person

655
00:32:53.200 --> 00:32:58.000
unless, you know, unless it was a moment of weakness and you were lonely on New Year's

656
00:32:58.000 --> 00:33:01.680
Eve and you made out with some person that you never intend on dating. Obviously, that's not

657
00:33:01.680 --> 00:33:05.680
a level three relationship. Don't try to make it in one. Just go ahead and say, you know what, Lord,

658
00:33:07.360 --> 00:33:13.520
help me, you know, help me to not give into this kind of stuff and to keep walking forward to the

659
00:33:13.520 --> 00:33:18.160
person that you have for me. So you don't want to try to make that into a relationship just because

660
00:33:18.160 --> 00:33:22.560
you made out with this person. All right. But normally, if you are seeing someone and then it

661
00:33:22.560 --> 00:33:29.040
starts getting romantic, then you need to make a decision right then. Am I getting romantic with

662
00:33:29.040 --> 00:33:33.840
this person because I'm lonely and it feels good? Or does this person really have potential

663
00:33:33.840 --> 00:33:39.200
to be a exclusive relationship? And if the answer is yes, then you're exclusive because you're

664
00:33:39.200 --> 00:33:45.440
already having that romantic contact. And if the answer is no, that you're really just lonely and,

665
00:33:45.440 --> 00:33:49.120
you know, and just kind of love the one you're with kind of thing, then you want to go ahead

666
00:33:49.120 --> 00:33:53.840
and cut that off as soon as possible. All right. Don't have friends with benefits, ladies. Let's

667
00:33:53.840 --> 00:33:58.960
not do that. So Julie, the answer to your question is, is that if you're feeling rushed now that you

668
00:33:58.960 --> 00:34:03.200
guys have, you know, been spending so much time together over the course of just four weeks,

669
00:34:03.920 --> 00:34:08.159
you know, it's hard to put the brakes on, but you can. It's hard, ladies. It can be offensive,

670
00:34:09.040 --> 00:34:13.440
but you can. And this is where we're going to see whether or not this man is mature enough to

671
00:34:13.440 --> 00:34:18.719
handle that. We definitely don't want to get involved with someone way too quickly and get

672
00:34:19.360 --> 00:34:25.440
blinded to all of the, they don't have to be red flags, but just to all the incompatibilities

673
00:34:25.440 --> 00:34:31.280
simply because we spent so much time together and now we're getting romantic. So you want to

674
00:34:31.280 --> 00:34:35.679
pull back and kind of get some clarity. And the way you're going to pull back is instead of hanging

675
00:34:35.679 --> 00:34:41.600
out a couple of times a week, you know, why not only hang out one time a week? You're like, Hey,

676
00:34:41.600 --> 00:34:46.000
you know, in the new year, as we're getting to know each other, I feel like we're kind of rushing

677
00:34:46.000 --> 00:34:52.159
things here. I still, you know, I want to hang out. I'm, I'm, I'm definitely interested, but I want

678
00:34:52.159 --> 00:34:57.200
to make sure that, you know, we're, we're going at a healthy pace and the bottom doesn't fall out

679
00:34:57.200 --> 00:34:59.920
of this. Can you communicate with this man? Is he a good communicator?

680
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:13.100
Yeah, I bring up, I bring up things, I don't know how much it comes across into like the

681
00:35:13.100 --> 00:35:18.400
action I want to see, but like I'm saying things and he's, I don't know, I'm more of

682
00:35:18.400 --> 00:35:22.280
like an actions are louder than words person.

683
00:35:22.280 --> 00:35:24.760
Okay.

684
00:35:24.760 --> 00:35:28.760
So what pace do you think is going to make you feel comfortable as you guys see if this

685
00:35:28.760 --> 00:35:35.840
thing can grow, what do you, what do you want?

686
00:35:35.840 --> 00:35:40.600
My biggest thing is I want to be more on this.

687
00:35:40.600 --> 00:35:48.440
I want to see more of spiritual hunger for God.

688
00:35:48.440 --> 00:35:50.920
It's just hard for me right now.

689
00:35:50.920 --> 00:35:52.240
How are you going to, okay.

690
00:35:52.240 --> 00:35:53.240
Is this guy believer?

691
00:35:53.240 --> 00:35:55.840
Does he have a spiritual community?

692
00:35:55.840 --> 00:36:03.000
He grew up Catholic and I don't, he doesn't sound like he goes weekly to church.

693
00:36:03.000 --> 00:36:08.200
Just sometimes he's been to church kind of a thing.

694
00:36:08.200 --> 00:36:09.200
Okay.

695
00:36:09.200 --> 00:36:12.600
But you're all magically involved with him and exclusive right now.

696
00:36:12.600 --> 00:36:16.920
So is that something?

697
00:36:16.920 --> 00:36:18.920
He's come with me to my church.

698
00:36:18.920 --> 00:36:23.640
It was good.

699
00:36:23.640 --> 00:36:24.640
It was different.

700
00:36:24.640 --> 00:36:27.720
We, my church took a couple of weeks break with the holidays.

701
00:36:27.720 --> 00:36:33.160
So I guess I'll see if he comes back, wants to come back or whatever.

702
00:36:33.160 --> 00:36:34.160
Yeah.

703
00:36:34.160 --> 00:36:37.360
You know, listen, spiritual compatibility is super important.

704
00:36:37.360 --> 00:36:41.680
I will tell you that, you know, we have had one divorce in our community of that 600 plus

705
00:36:41.680 --> 00:36:42.680
success stories.

706
00:36:42.680 --> 00:36:47.560
And the reason why they got divorced ladies full disclosure is because this man was, you

707
00:36:47.560 --> 00:36:50.960
know, he, it was a whirlwind romance.

708
00:36:50.960 --> 00:36:51.960
He had a really great career.

709
00:36:51.960 --> 00:36:54.120
I believe he's a dentist.

710
00:36:54.120 --> 00:36:57.800
He was, you know, she had him doing a devotional with her.

711
00:36:57.800 --> 00:37:01.800
All, all these things are her idea of course, had him doing a devotional with her every

712
00:37:01.800 --> 00:37:06.800
day, you know, and he was, you know, going dirt church with her and all the things.

713
00:37:06.800 --> 00:37:10.240
And then as soon as they got married, he stopped doing all that stuff because it wasn't in

714
00:37:10.240 --> 00:37:11.740
his heart to do it.

715
00:37:11.740 --> 00:37:17.120
And then he felt nagged and badgered by her when he couldn't keep up that level of spirituality

716
00:37:17.680 --> 00:37:19.800
because she wanted that from him.

717
00:37:19.800 --> 00:37:22.600
And he was willing to give it to her to get the pooty.

718
00:37:22.600 --> 00:37:25.200
All right, let's just be honest.

719
00:37:25.200 --> 00:37:26.720
That's what's up.

720
00:37:26.720 --> 00:37:31.440
And then he wasn't willing to sustain that or couldn't sustain it because he doesn't

721
00:37:31.440 --> 00:37:33.680
actually have a relationship with God.

722
00:37:33.680 --> 00:37:35.720
And so ladies, we want to be watching out for that.

723
00:37:35.720 --> 00:37:43.360
If you think that men will not go to church with you in order to get the coochie, you're

724
00:37:43.360 --> 00:37:45.120
wrong.

725
00:37:45.120 --> 00:37:46.120
You are wrong.

726
00:37:46.120 --> 00:37:47.120
They 100% will.

727
00:37:47.120 --> 00:37:48.120
They 100% will.

728
00:37:48.120 --> 00:37:50.680
I've seen it time and time and time and time again.

729
00:37:50.680 --> 00:37:56.320
So how do we have that information and still be God defended and not put up a guard to

730
00:37:56.320 --> 00:38:01.220
really maybe a good man who's growing in his spirituality and didn't really have a chance

731
00:38:01.220 --> 00:38:03.520
to develop that earlier in his life?

732
00:38:03.520 --> 00:38:05.960
You got to be discerning.

733
00:38:05.960 --> 00:38:12.200
You got to see, you know, if, if it's you spoon feeding him continuously, you know,

734
00:38:12.200 --> 00:38:15.680
Julie, instead of you, when church is back in session, instead of you saying, Hey, going

735
00:38:16.240 --> 00:38:20.760
to go to church with me, you know, let him, let him decide whether he's going to do that

736
00:38:20.760 --> 00:38:21.760
or not.

737
00:38:21.760 --> 00:38:22.760
Okay.

738
00:38:22.760 --> 00:38:25.440
Let it be his idea to come and spend that.

739
00:38:25.440 --> 00:38:29.760
You say he spends a couple of days a week with you or, you know, you see him a couple

740
00:38:29.760 --> 00:38:34.560
times a week, you know, instead of trying to get him to go to church with you, see if,

741
00:38:34.560 --> 00:38:40.120
if he's interested in doing that and you need to let him know just upfront, Hey, um, if

742
00:38:40.120 --> 00:38:44.280
that, if that doesn't happen and you don't see him pursuing anything like that in this

743
00:38:44.280 --> 00:38:48.760
new year, then you're going to have to have the conversation where, you know, we're compatible

744
00:38:48.760 --> 00:38:54.440
on a lot of levels, but I really want this in someone that I'm going to, you know, spend

745
00:38:54.440 --> 00:38:55.920
my life with.

746
00:38:55.920 --> 00:39:00.000
I want, I want this and see what his reaction to that is.

747
00:39:00.000 --> 00:39:05.400
And also look for other areas of his life where, you know, um, where there's fruit ladies.

748
00:39:05.400 --> 00:39:08.640
There's a lot of men out there that they did have.

749
00:39:08.640 --> 00:39:18.000
They did have a, um, uh, a moment of conversion where Holy Spirit came into their life and

750
00:39:18.000 --> 00:39:21.400
is leading and guiding them and they don't even know it.

751
00:39:21.400 --> 00:39:22.480
For instance, let me tell you this.

752
00:39:22.480 --> 00:39:24.120
I really feel led to say this.

753
00:39:24.120 --> 00:39:27.680
My little brother, we have a different dad.

754
00:39:27.680 --> 00:39:28.680
Okay.

755
00:39:28.680 --> 00:39:32.280
Um, he was born when I was 14 years old and I went to live in the girl's home like right

756
00:39:32.280 --> 00:39:33.280
after he was born.

757
00:39:33.360 --> 00:39:37.880
So he was born to my mother and her last husband she had before she passed away.

758
00:39:37.880 --> 00:39:40.120
She was still married to his dad when she passed away.

759
00:39:40.120 --> 00:39:41.120
Okay.

760
00:39:41.120 --> 00:39:42.120
His dad was a Catholic.

761
00:39:42.120 --> 00:39:43.880
My mom grew up Pentecostal.

762
00:39:43.880 --> 00:39:47.120
His dad was Catholic and not a practicing Catholic.

763
00:39:47.120 --> 00:39:48.120
Okay.

764
00:39:48.120 --> 00:39:50.160
They had a hard marriage.

765
00:39:50.160 --> 00:39:52.120
They did all the way up to my mom's passing.

766
00:39:52.120 --> 00:39:53.600
They had a hard marriage.

767
00:39:53.600 --> 00:39:58.840
Her husband finally became like a really strong believer at the end of her life when she was

768
00:39:58.840 --> 00:39:59.840
sick.

769
00:39:59.840 --> 00:39:59.840


770
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.680
in a non-denominational church, you know, he opened himself up to the Holy Spirit, you

771
00:40:04.680 --> 00:40:06.520
know, he started reading the Bible every day.

772
00:40:06.520 --> 00:40:07.720
He started praying for her.

773
00:40:07.720 --> 00:40:10.800
My mom got that at the very end of her life.

774
00:40:10.800 --> 00:40:11.800
Okay.

775
00:40:11.800 --> 00:40:13.960
She was 63 when she passed away.

776
00:40:13.960 --> 00:40:21.880
Their son together that was born when I was 14 years old, when he was nine years old,

777
00:40:21.880 --> 00:40:27.480
I babysat him and I took him to church with me and he received the baptism of the Holy

778
00:40:27.480 --> 00:40:32.160
Spirit.

779
00:40:32.160 --> 00:40:36.280
Holy Spirit moved on him, for those of you that are, you know, charismatic people, you

780
00:40:36.280 --> 00:40:39.240
understand what I'm saying, and he rushed up to that altar.

781
00:40:39.240 --> 00:40:40.760
He gave his life to Jesus.

782
00:40:40.760 --> 00:40:42.600
He got baptized with the Holy Spirit.

783
00:40:42.600 --> 00:40:47.880
He even got his prayer language and spoken tongues at nine years old.

784
00:40:47.880 --> 00:40:54.600
When his parents, my mom and his dad, got back from their vacation, his dad went ballistic

785
00:40:54.720 --> 00:40:56.280
when he found out.

786
00:40:56.280 --> 00:40:59.240
My brother John said, dad, dad, guess what happened to me?

787
00:40:59.240 --> 00:41:02.680
His dad said I could never watch him again, didn't want me to have anything to do with

788
00:41:02.680 --> 00:41:03.680
him.

789
00:41:03.680 --> 00:41:05.000
Remember, he grew up Catholic.

790
00:41:05.000 --> 00:41:06.560
That was confusing to him.

791
00:41:06.560 --> 00:41:08.320
He didn't want anything to do with any of that.

792
00:41:08.320 --> 00:41:09.320
That was weird.

793
00:41:09.320 --> 00:41:11.560
That was psycho cult stuff.

794
00:41:11.560 --> 00:41:13.040
Fast forward.

795
00:41:13.040 --> 00:41:17.480
My brother, that little boy is 36 years old right now.

796
00:41:17.480 --> 00:41:19.240
And can I tell you what?

797
00:41:19.240 --> 00:41:22.040
He has so much fruit of the Spirit in his life.

798
00:41:22.040 --> 00:41:23.920
Oh my goodness.

799
00:41:23.920 --> 00:41:27.480
So much kindness, so much patience, because Holy Spirit's with him.

800
00:41:27.480 --> 00:41:32.280
But he doesn't go to church, y'all, because he had that trauma with his dad when he was

801
00:41:32.280 --> 00:41:33.720
nine years old.

802
00:41:33.720 --> 00:41:34.880
But he's marked by heaven.

803
00:41:34.880 --> 00:41:37.080
So you guys see what I'm talking about?

804
00:41:37.080 --> 00:41:40.600
You can run into these people that have had these experiences.

805
00:41:40.600 --> 00:41:42.880
They've had these conversions, Holy Spirit's with them.

806
00:41:42.880 --> 00:41:47.640
They're being led by the Spirit, and they don't even know it.

807
00:41:47.640 --> 00:41:49.000
So we can't count people out.

808
00:41:49.000 --> 00:41:51.440
We really have to pay attention.

809
00:41:51.480 --> 00:41:58.640
So now my little brother is pursuing his faith, because his dad is saved now too.

810
00:41:58.640 --> 00:42:03.040
But in all those years where he felt like he really couldn't pursue charismatic faith

811
00:42:03.040 --> 00:42:08.520
or really couldn't pursue the experience that he had had in his life, he still was really

812
00:42:08.520 --> 00:42:12.680
exhibiting a lot of morality and a lot of following after the Spirit and a lot of fruit

813
00:42:12.680 --> 00:42:14.280
of the Spirit.

814
00:42:14.280 --> 00:42:18.160
So I just want to put that out there for you guys, because you might come across the path,

815
00:42:18.160 --> 00:42:22.400
as God is writing your love story, with someone that they don't really fit your criteria on

816
00:42:22.400 --> 00:42:23.400
the outside.

817
00:42:23.400 --> 00:42:27.320
But don't be a gift inspector, be a fruit inspector, because they might be one of these

818
00:42:27.320 --> 00:42:33.240
people like my little brother, who's a grown man, who is marked by heaven because of experiences

819
00:42:33.240 --> 00:42:37.800
that they've had that they wouldn't necessarily share with you, because they wouldn't think

820
00:42:37.800 --> 00:42:38.800
it was pertinent.

821
00:42:38.800 --> 00:42:39.800
You know what I'm saying?

822
00:42:39.800 --> 00:42:45.360
My brother's not going to share that experience he had when he was nine years old with someone

823
00:42:45.440 --> 00:42:48.920
that he doesn't know, especially.

824
00:42:48.920 --> 00:42:51.720
And so it's important that we keep this in mind.

825
00:42:51.720 --> 00:42:52.720
All right.

826
00:42:52.720 --> 00:42:56.600
So I feel like that was a Holy Spirit moment for all of us.

827
00:42:56.600 --> 00:43:01.160
But ladies, on the converse, please don't write stories about someone's spirituality

828
00:43:01.160 --> 00:43:04.680
that are not true just because you like them so much and you want them to be spiritual

829
00:43:04.680 --> 00:43:09.640
or you want them to be someone who's interested in following Christ.

830
00:43:09.640 --> 00:43:10.800
Don't do that either.

831
00:43:10.800 --> 00:43:12.120
Don't missionary date.

832
00:43:12.120 --> 00:43:15.320
Remember that we used to hear about that.

833
00:43:15.320 --> 00:43:16.800
Don't missionary date.

834
00:43:16.800 --> 00:43:17.800
Okay.

835
00:43:17.800 --> 00:43:18.800
Yeah.

836
00:43:18.800 --> 00:43:23.360
You don't want to try to save someone, but you also want to look for fruit because you

837
00:43:23.360 --> 00:43:27.400
guys, hopefully you know this, but the fruit of the spirit, go read about it in Galatians.

838
00:43:27.400 --> 00:43:30.280
You can't get it through the flesh.

839
00:43:30.280 --> 00:43:36.560
So someone really exhibits true kindness and true empathy and true patience.

840
00:43:36.560 --> 00:43:40.720
And you know, if they exhibit these things, true love, if they have just someone said

841
00:43:40.720 --> 00:43:44.760
to me the other day, I introduced them to a guy and they said, man, he's just such a

842
00:43:45.200 --> 00:43:46.200
peaceful person.

843
00:43:46.200 --> 00:43:48.200
He has so much peace about him.

844
00:43:48.200 --> 00:43:52.240
If they exhibit that stuff, that's not coming from the world.

845
00:43:52.240 --> 00:43:53.240
Okay.

846
00:43:53.240 --> 00:43:54.240
Done.

847
00:43:54.240 --> 00:43:59.080
I want to get Hannah's question real quick.

848
00:43:59.080 --> 00:44:03.800
I'm curious, Jackie, my two year long distance relationship ended almost two weeks ago.

849
00:44:03.800 --> 00:44:04.800
Okay.

850
00:44:04.800 --> 00:44:07.680
I was either ready to move toward engagement or move on.

851
00:44:07.680 --> 00:44:10.420
And I made the clear that clear a couple of months ago.

852
00:44:10.420 --> 00:44:11.680
So it wasn't a complete shock.

853
00:44:11.680 --> 00:44:12.680
Okay.

854
00:44:12.680 --> 00:44:14.240
So Hannah, I'm going to dial back with you.

855
00:44:14.720 --> 00:44:18.600
So you had a two year long distance relationship.

856
00:44:18.600 --> 00:44:22.360
How many times were you guys together in person?

857
00:44:22.360 --> 00:44:24.400
And you basically gave them an ultimatum.

858
00:44:24.400 --> 00:44:29.440
We either move on towards engagement by 2024 or it's time to break up.

859
00:44:29.440 --> 00:44:31.400
And so you broke up with him.

860
00:44:31.400 --> 00:44:32.400
Yes, ma'am.

861
00:44:32.400 --> 00:44:33.400
All right.

862
00:44:33.400 --> 00:44:38.000
So we were in person together about 10 times.

863
00:44:38.000 --> 00:44:42.320
And a lot of those, majority of those were over a weekend together because we were six

864
00:44:42.320 --> 00:44:45.040
and a half hours away.

865
00:44:45.040 --> 00:44:49.720
And then some of those times were longer.

866
00:44:49.720 --> 00:44:50.720
Okay.

867
00:44:50.720 --> 00:44:57.000
Did he ever give you any indication of why after two years and 10 weekends together,

868
00:44:57.000 --> 00:44:59.120
he wasn't ready to commit?

869
00:44:59.120 --> 00:45:00.600
No.

870
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:10.880
Yes and no. I was very clear from the beginning. Well, we were very clear from the beginning

871
00:45:00.600 --> 00:45:02.080
No.

872
00:45:02.080 --> 00:45:03.600
No.

873
00:45:03.600 --> 00:45:05.120
No.

874
00:45:05.120 --> 00:45:07.120
No.

875
00:45:07.120 --> 00:45:09.120
No.

876
00:45:10.880 --> 00:45:21.080
that we were intentionally dating to ideally lead towards marriage. And sorry, I just had

877
00:45:21.080 --> 00:45:26.760
my daughter and her friend walk in. Can you? Yeah, I'll start reminding me of the question.

878
00:45:27.720 --> 00:45:34.440
Maybe you have anything now. I just I just want to know what made you hang on for two years. That's

879
00:45:34.440 --> 00:45:39.480
what we all want to know. Because that's a long time to be in a long distance relationship.

880
00:45:42.600 --> 00:45:50.360
I think that we got so I guess emotionally attached really quickly from the beginning.

881
00:45:51.640 --> 00:45:55.000
And we talked every day, literally from the beginning for the first six months,

882
00:45:55.000 --> 00:45:59.800
we actually didn't meet for six months. And looking back, like, like, why did I,

883
00:46:00.520 --> 00:46:09.880
you know, allow that? But that's, you know, hindsight. So I don't know, I guess we both

884
00:46:09.880 --> 00:46:16.600
were, you know, he has four older boys, I have a little girl. And I think that at the time,

885
00:46:16.600 --> 00:46:21.400
we were both thinking if we're going to do this, like we wanted to be really sure about it. So we

886
00:46:21.400 --> 00:46:27.240
did just really take our time getting to know each other and then meeting and so on and so on.

887
00:46:30.280 --> 00:46:36.040
Okay, so you're basically saying that this guy has a shared parenting agreement and he cannot

888
00:46:36.040 --> 00:46:45.480
relocate? Correct. Okay, ladies, please, please do not, you know, cause yourself this kind of heartache.

889
00:46:46.360 --> 00:46:52.200
If you are, if you're a mom, and you have a shared parenting agreement, and you cannot

890
00:46:53.320 --> 00:46:59.480
do not start a long distance relationship with anyone that cannot. Unfortunately, I know we're

891
00:46:59.480 --> 00:47:03.720
like, these are strangers, we can't ask personal questions. If they can't relocate, it's see you

892
00:47:03.720 --> 00:47:10.520
bye. All right. I do not have one. Sorry, I didn't make that clear. And my daughter's passed away

893
00:47:11.240 --> 00:47:18.360
in about two and a half years ago. So okay, we are able to but he could not for, you know,

894
00:47:18.360 --> 00:47:23.480
several more years, because as young as were you, were you willing to relocate to his city?

895
00:47:23.480 --> 00:47:29.480
I was and we had that conversation after the first time we met after we made things official.

896
00:47:32.600 --> 00:47:38.200
Okay, so and ladies that still stands. Okay, we have lots of people that you know, Hannah's

897
00:47:38.200 --> 00:47:42.600
situation's different. She's a widow. And I'm sorry, I'm sorry to hear that. And I know you

898
00:47:42.600 --> 00:47:49.000
probably were divorced when he passed away, it sounds like but still. Oh, but he's he's not on

899
00:47:49.000 --> 00:47:54.760
the earth. So you have nothing holding you back, which means that you locate but we do have people

900
00:47:54.760 --> 00:47:59.560
get into relationships with people and fall in love with them and then no one can move. And y'all

901
00:47:59.560 --> 00:48:05.880
that is rough. So let's not do that. Hannah, there's got to be more to the story. I mean,

902
00:48:05.880 --> 00:48:11.640
you know, you guys are dating for two years. There's nothing stopping you. Was your personality

903
00:48:11.640 --> 00:48:15.560
was your was your daughter's father already passed away when you started this relationship?

904
00:48:16.200 --> 00:48:20.440
Yes, ma'am. For like, okay, eight, six, seven, eight months, something like that. But we were

905
00:48:20.440 --> 00:48:25.000
not together. We had nothing to do with it. No, what I'm saying was, is from the very beginning,

906
00:48:25.000 --> 00:48:30.760
you were able to relocate is all that I'm trying to ascertain here. So yeah, there has to be more

907
00:48:30.760 --> 00:48:35.080
to the story. I have no idea what it is. You know, you guys, here's the other thing about

908
00:48:35.080 --> 00:48:40.360
long distance is that, you know, she saw this guy 10 times in two years, you know,

909
00:48:42.360 --> 00:48:46.920
she was six and a half hours away from him. People can have double lives, they can have,

910
00:48:46.920 --> 00:48:50.120
you know, they can have other things that they're not sharing with us. I mean,

911
00:48:50.120 --> 00:48:57.800
honestly, Hannah doesn't add up. It doesn't. So was this I mean, you don't have to share it here

912
00:48:57.800 --> 00:49:04.280
if you don't want to. But was this a sexual relationship? No, ma'am. So what is he getting

913
00:49:04.280 --> 00:49:11.240
from you? See what I'm saying? So it's a situation where it's like, Hmm, why? Why are we keeping this

914
00:49:11.240 --> 00:49:18.200
strung along? Like you said, there's an emotional situation happening. That obviously fulfills a

915
00:49:18.200 --> 00:49:25.640
certain part of us. But when you broke up with him, did you do a clean cut? Has he contacted

916
00:49:25.640 --> 00:49:32.680
you since the breakup? We had actually I had tried, um, you know, basically saying what I

917
00:49:32.680 --> 00:49:37.080
said that I was ready to move toward engagement or move on a couple different times. And he did

918
00:49:37.080 --> 00:49:47.320
not handle those very well. So we more or less broke up a couple times in the fall. And it was,

919
00:49:47.320 --> 00:49:54.200
you know, him coming back around saying, I'm sorry, I'm ready to X, Y, Z, I miss you. Like,

920
00:49:54.200 --> 00:49:59.880
I want to be together. I want to make whatever, whatever. And so that happened. Well, my last

921
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.520
Um, about three weeks or so ago, I was kind of just like, I, like, I can't do this anymore.

922
00:50:05.520 --> 00:50:07.400
Like you're not taking steps forward.

923
00:50:07.800 --> 00:50:09.600
This is beyond frustrating for me.

924
00:50:09.600 --> 00:50:17.880
It has been for a long time and he, um, he was, but he's like, not trying to hear it.

925
00:50:17.880 --> 00:50:20.760
Like he was like, you know, I'd already planned on coming out there to meet

926
00:50:20.760 --> 00:50:24.080
your family for Christmas, blah, blah, blah.

927
00:50:24.120 --> 00:50:25.160
And so.

928
00:50:27.000 --> 00:50:29.040
Has he, he never met your family?

929
00:50:29.920 --> 00:50:30.400
No, ma'am.

930
00:50:30.440 --> 00:50:30.960
He never did.

931
00:50:31.560 --> 00:50:31.920
Oh, wow.

932
00:50:32.120 --> 00:50:32.440
Okay.

933
00:50:33.040 --> 00:50:35.920
Well, I was just looking at your Facebook page while you were talking.

934
00:50:35.920 --> 00:50:37.440
You're about as cute as you can be.

935
00:50:38.520 --> 00:50:39.080
Thank you.

936
00:50:39.480 --> 00:50:39.720
Okay.

937
00:50:40.240 --> 00:50:45.720
And obviously sweet as you can be and girl, you gotta move forward.

938
00:50:46.360 --> 00:50:46.640
Yeah.

939
00:50:47.000 --> 00:50:49.360
Not entertain this man anymore.

940
00:50:49.600 --> 00:50:50.120
Okay.

941
00:50:50.640 --> 00:50:51.440
Yeah, not at all.

942
00:50:51.720 --> 00:50:54.840
The fact that you've been together for two years and he's not met your family.

943
00:50:55.600 --> 00:50:58.000
That in itself is a red flag for me.

944
00:50:58.600 --> 00:50:58.840
Yeah.

945
00:50:58.960 --> 00:51:00.440
That's the red one.

946
00:51:01.000 --> 00:51:05.200
And so, and I understand, and ladies, it's so easy to, you know, make really

947
00:51:05.200 --> 00:51:07.440
strong emotional connections with people.

948
00:51:07.840 --> 00:51:08.280
Okay.

949
00:51:08.280 --> 00:51:09.640
It is really easy to do that.

950
00:51:09.920 --> 00:51:10.920
So let's not do it.

951
00:51:11.680 --> 00:51:16.680
Let's not, let's reserve those emotional depths for people who can handle

952
00:51:16.680 --> 00:51:20.680
swimming in those depths with us and who want to make us their person.

953
00:51:21.640 --> 00:51:22.160
Okay.

954
00:51:22.520 --> 00:51:24.160
They can't have their take and eat it too.

955
00:51:25.920 --> 00:51:27.480
We're not going to, we're not going to do that.

956
00:51:28.480 --> 00:51:34.320
So I know it's difficult, especially for women to, um, have, um, you know, more

957
00:51:34.320 --> 00:51:38.680
surface conversations to not get super deep in conversations and not to become

958
00:51:38.680 --> 00:51:42.720
codependent because we've been, here's the reason why it's so difficult for

959
00:51:42.720 --> 00:51:44.240
women to not become codependent.

960
00:51:45.000 --> 00:51:46.600
We were created for man.

961
00:51:49.120 --> 00:51:52.360
We were the solution to the first problem on earth.

962
00:51:52.600 --> 00:51:54.440
Man should not be solitary.

963
00:51:54.960 --> 00:51:58.520
He should exist not in one part, but in two parts.

964
00:51:59.720 --> 00:52:00.000
Okay.

965
00:52:00.000 --> 00:52:03.880
And community, just like father, son, and Holy spirit exists in community, man,

966
00:52:03.880 --> 00:52:04.880
woman, and child.

967
00:52:04.880 --> 00:52:05.920
We exist in community.

968
00:52:05.920 --> 00:52:07.000
We exist in family.

969
00:52:07.000 --> 00:52:07.800
It's God's way.

970
00:52:07.800 --> 00:52:08.960
It's the best way.

971
00:52:09.880 --> 00:52:11.600
It is his divine design.

972
00:52:12.160 --> 00:52:16.200
And so, because God is the glory of man and woman is the glory, God is the glory.

973
00:52:16.240 --> 00:52:19.160
I'm sorry, man is the glory of God and woman is the glory of man.

974
00:52:19.560 --> 00:52:22.440
You know, you'll find very few women with a gift of singleness.

975
00:52:22.440 --> 00:52:24.160
Very, very, very few women.

976
00:52:24.160 --> 00:52:27.000
I don't even want to use the word gift because it actually is the charisma of

977
00:52:27.000 --> 00:52:27.520
singleness.

978
00:52:27.920 --> 00:52:33.000
Very few women have the empowerment from heaven to be content single outside of

979
00:52:33.000 --> 00:52:33.880
marriage and family.

980
00:52:34.680 --> 00:52:34.960
Okay.

981
00:52:35.520 --> 00:52:37.600
Very few people have that charisma from heaven.

982
00:52:38.360 --> 00:52:41.200
You might have it for a little season while you're healing your heart.

983
00:52:41.240 --> 00:52:44.120
You might have it for a season while you're young and you're figuring out who

984
00:52:44.120 --> 00:52:48.440
you are, but most women are going to go towards marriage and family eventually.

985
00:52:48.600 --> 00:52:51.360
They're going to, cause they have the gift to be married.

986
00:52:51.480 --> 00:52:51.760
Okay.

987
00:52:51.760 --> 00:52:54.480
They have the charisma to be married, not to be single.

988
00:52:55.040 --> 00:52:58.600
And so that being said, because we were created to be that help mate, it's very

989
00:52:58.600 --> 00:53:01.080
easy for us to lose ourselves in a man.

990
00:53:04.280 --> 00:53:06.640
And that's why we're here to teach you how to do that in a healthy way.

991
00:53:06.960 --> 00:53:11.040
You're going to do that, but you got to do it with the right person who's ready

992
00:53:11.040 --> 00:53:14.240
to have you, you know, and cover you in that way.

993
00:53:16.000 --> 00:53:16.600
Makes sense.

994
00:53:17.440 --> 00:53:20.920
Women's empowerment of our generation and our culture tells us that we're

995
00:53:20.920 --> 00:53:23.280
supposed to never lose ourself into a relationship.

996
00:53:23.280 --> 00:53:24.400
Well, that's not what God says.

997
00:53:25.160 --> 00:53:27.520
God says that the two shall become one.

998
00:53:27.600 --> 00:53:28.360
What does that mean?

999
00:53:28.360 --> 00:53:29.640
That means y'all are going to lose each other.

1000
00:53:29.640 --> 00:53:31.240
You're going to lose yourselves in each other.

1001
00:53:32.360 --> 00:53:33.280
You're going to blend.

1002
00:53:34.000 --> 00:53:35.520
You're going to become that threefold cord.

1003
00:53:35.520 --> 00:53:36.800
That's not easily broken.

1004
00:53:38.200 --> 00:53:39.200
You're going to into me.

1005
00:53:39.200 --> 00:53:44.040
See, you're going to become interdependent in a way that is going to

1006
00:53:44.040 --> 00:53:47.760
if it's healthy, a lot of people will think that you're, you know,

1007
00:53:47.760 --> 00:53:49.840
way too overly involved.

1008
00:53:51.920 --> 00:53:56.000
The trick is, is not to do it too soon and not to do it based on deficits.

1009
00:53:56.040 --> 00:53:58.680
If you didn't have a daddy, don't go looking for a daddy out

1010
00:53:58.680 --> 00:54:00.280
there on the, on the dating apps.

1011
00:54:00.800 --> 00:54:01.080
Okay.

1012
00:54:01.080 --> 00:54:06.280
If your first husband was a verbal abuser, don't go falling in love with

1013
00:54:06.320 --> 00:54:08.720
every Casanova who's got a smooth tongue.

1014
00:54:09.280 --> 00:54:10.160
Do you see what I'm saying?

1015
00:54:10.320 --> 00:54:15.400
Do not pick based on your deficits.

1016
00:54:15.400 --> 00:54:16.880
That's why we're here to do the hard work together.

1017
00:54:16.880 --> 00:54:20.240
And we're here to show each other our blind spots and filters so that you

1018
00:54:20.240 --> 00:54:25.600
don't go hook, line and sinker into a situation that isn't going to go forward.

1019
00:54:25.760 --> 00:54:28.800
So Hannah, what we got to guard with for you, and it always happens.

1020
00:54:28.800 --> 00:54:30.200
He's going to circle back around.

1021
00:54:31.080 --> 00:54:32.520
You guys have a strong soul tie.

1022
00:54:33.400 --> 00:54:36.480
If you think that you're going to lose yourself in each other, you're going to

1023
00:54:36.480 --> 00:54:37.560
have a strong soul tie.

1024
00:54:38.400 --> 00:54:40.840
If you think this is the last you've heard of him, it isn't.

1025
00:54:41.240 --> 00:54:44.280
And hopefully, yeah, well, no, not at all.

1026
00:54:44.280 --> 00:54:45.720
Especially looking the way you look.

1027
00:54:45.840 --> 00:54:46.280
All right.

1028
00:54:46.280 --> 00:54:50.520
Just no, I mean, you guys, it's valid.

1029
00:54:51.240 --> 00:54:51.920
It's valid.

1030
00:54:52.200 --> 00:54:52.600
Okay.

1031
00:54:53.120 --> 00:54:55.960
And so, um, you're going to have to make a decision.

1032
00:54:56.880 --> 00:54:57.160
Okay.

1033
00:54:57.160 --> 00:54:59.920
With the Lord, um, how much more of your.

1034
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.400
life, you're willing to invest in this because this man, he's been stringing

1035
00:55:04.400 --> 00:55:05.560
you along for two years.

1036
00:55:05.560 --> 00:55:06.640
He's not met your family.

1037
00:55:06.640 --> 00:55:08.080
He has done nothing.

1038
00:55:08.560 --> 00:55:10.520
And here's the thing that you guys need to know about men.

1039
00:55:10.760 --> 00:55:12.040
They do what they want to do.

1040
00:55:12.280 --> 00:55:15.840
And if they're in love, heaven and earth will not stop them.

1041
00:55:17.960 --> 00:55:18.520
Okay.

1042
00:55:22.160 --> 00:55:26.920
Unless you've had a man drive cross town during rush hour, took him two hours to

1043
00:55:26.920 --> 00:55:31.600
get to your work just to bring you a Starbucks coffee and you on your 15

1044
00:55:31.600 --> 00:55:35.120
minute break, you ain't seen what love looks like, right?

1045
00:55:35.120 --> 00:55:38.840
That's what men do when they are in love six and a half hours.

1046
00:55:39.120 --> 00:55:41.120
And there's nothing stopping you from relocating.

1047
00:55:41.120 --> 00:55:44.280
But after two years, this man has not proposed and made you his wife.

1048
00:55:44.280 --> 00:55:45.200
Hasn't met your parents.

1049
00:55:45.200 --> 00:55:46.000
Hasn't met your father.

1050
00:55:46.000 --> 00:55:49.680
Hasn't asked for your hand, you know, no.

1051
00:55:50.520 --> 00:55:51.560
Have you met his family?

1052
00:55:52.240 --> 00:55:52.760
I have.

1053
00:55:54.240 --> 00:55:54.520
Yeah.

1054
00:55:55.720 --> 00:55:56.680
You've met his family.

1055
00:55:56.680 --> 00:55:57.720
He hasn't met yours.

1056
00:56:00.680 --> 00:56:04.520
So he did not invest in the relationship and you broke up with him.

1057
00:56:04.520 --> 00:56:05.040
And guess what?

1058
00:56:05.080 --> 00:56:06.160
He doesn't believe you.

1059
00:56:08.960 --> 00:56:09.480
He doesn't.

1060
00:56:09.480 --> 00:56:11.160
The codependency is so strong here.

1061
00:56:11.160 --> 00:56:12.280
The soul tie is so strong.

1062
00:56:12.520 --> 00:56:13.440
He doesn't believe you.

1063
00:56:13.760 --> 00:56:17.200
What he thinks is going to happen is, you know, you're going to guys are going to

1064
00:56:17.200 --> 00:56:20.880
get back together and he's going to continue to have whatever he's getting

1065
00:56:20.880 --> 00:56:22.000
out of this relationship.

1066
00:56:22.000 --> 00:56:23.320
You know what I want to ask these men?

1067
00:56:23.560 --> 00:56:24.920
Where's your sex drive at?

1068
00:56:25.520 --> 00:56:26.520
You addicted to porn?

1069
00:56:26.760 --> 00:56:27.720
Like what's going on?

1070
00:56:27.720 --> 00:56:32.440
Because, you know, if you're a man that is, you know, yes, men do sexually peak

1071
00:56:32.440 --> 00:56:35.880
in their twenties, but if you're a man who's in his thirties and forties, who

1072
00:56:35.880 --> 00:56:40.880
has this hot woman, um, that you could relocate and make your wife, um, but

1073
00:56:40.920 --> 00:56:44.400
you're not, and it's taken you over two years and you're still not, then, you

1074
00:56:44.400 --> 00:56:45.960
know, what are you doing with your sex drive?

1075
00:56:45.960 --> 00:56:47.560
Where is, where are you doing?

1076
00:56:47.600 --> 00:56:48.400
Where is it?

1077
00:56:48.960 --> 00:56:49.840
Where is it going?

1078
00:56:50.240 --> 00:56:52.120
What are you doing with your daily erections?

1079
00:56:52.120 --> 00:56:53.200
What are you doing with them?

1080
00:56:53.320 --> 00:56:56.240
And I asked my male clients that what are you doing with your daily erections?

1081
00:56:56.280 --> 00:56:57.760
I'm sorry, ladies, we got to know.

1082
00:56:58.040 --> 00:56:58.920
What are you doing with them?

1083
00:57:00.160 --> 00:57:02.360
You know, are you praying through them, sir?

1084
00:57:04.600 --> 00:57:09.600
Or, or do you have an unhealthy relationship with pornography or bikini

1085
00:57:09.600 --> 00:57:12.440
models on Instagram or whatever?

1086
00:57:13.800 --> 00:57:19.120
Masturbation just in general, because you guys, one of the things that drive men to

1087
00:57:19.120 --> 00:57:21.160
find wives is their sex drive.

1088
00:57:21.160 --> 00:57:23.160
That's why we call it a sex drive.

1089
00:57:23.920 --> 00:57:31.000
And so if a man has a woman who's in love with him, you know, that he is physically

1090
00:57:31.000 --> 00:57:34.600
attracted to, that he's not making his wife, something is not adding up.

1091
00:57:34.640 --> 00:57:35.480
Do you agree with me?

1092
00:57:36.080 --> 00:57:42.280
Yes, I will say that he was the one, he ended up coming for, um, the weekend

1093
00:57:42.280 --> 00:57:48.480
before Christmas and he stayed with us in a separate room for a handful of

1094
00:57:48.480 --> 00:57:56.680
nights and the Thursday morning while my daughter was at school, he packed up his

1095
00:57:56.680 --> 00:58:01.560
things, clocked out of work because he works remotely and didn't say anything to

1096
00:58:01.560 --> 00:58:05.840
me until he was almost completely packed up to literally leave.

1097
00:58:06.480 --> 00:58:10.400
Um, whether that was to drive back home to Oklahoma or go to Florida to see his

1098
00:58:10.400 --> 00:58:12.120
family for the holidays, I don't know.

1099
00:58:12.640 --> 00:58:16.520
Um, and his words, I, you know, I was like in shock.

1100
00:58:17.040 --> 00:58:22.400
Um, because I was in my bedroom while he was doing this and I asked him if he was

1101
00:58:22.400 --> 00:58:28.200
leaving and he was like, yeah, he was like, uh, he was like, there's just this block

1102
00:58:28.240 --> 00:58:32.240
that I just can't let you in any, any deeper.

1103
00:58:32.280 --> 00:58:36.920
And I was like, yeah, I know I've, I've been able to feel it for a long time.

1104
00:58:36.920 --> 00:58:38.480
And he was like, I don't know what it is.

1105
00:58:38.480 --> 00:58:40.160
I've, I've tried praying about it.

1106
00:58:40.600 --> 00:58:42.480
I've tried journaling, blah, blah, blah.

1107
00:58:42.960 --> 00:58:49.440
Um, but he was like, there's just like this tangible block that I, you know, y'all

1108
00:58:49.440 --> 00:58:51.760
deserve someone who can let you in fully.

1109
00:58:51.760 --> 00:58:55.560
And I just can't, he's like, it's been two years.

1110
00:58:55.560 --> 00:58:56.920
I've wanted this to work.

1111
00:58:57.240 --> 00:58:59.960
Um, but you know, it's been two years of my time too.

1112
00:59:02.120 --> 00:59:02.400
Okay.

1113
00:59:02.400 --> 00:59:07.800
So here's the thing, Hannah, this man just told you with his own words that he

1114
00:59:08.200 --> 00:59:10.800
cannot love you the way that you need to be loved.

1115
00:59:11.360 --> 00:59:12.600
He cannot let you in.

1116
00:59:13.120 --> 00:59:16.560
He packed his stuff very symbolic and he left.

1117
00:59:16.800 --> 00:59:17.320
Okay.

1118
00:59:17.600 --> 00:59:20.400
And he didn't even let you in on that until, cause he'd already made the

1119
00:59:20.400 --> 00:59:22.000
decision he's firm in the decision.

1120
00:59:22.320 --> 00:59:23.640
And then he left.

1121
00:59:23.880 --> 00:59:25.160
And so this is what you got to do.

1122
00:59:25.160 --> 00:59:28.040
You got to believe him at his words.

1123
00:59:28.560 --> 00:59:31.560
You can't keep thinking he's going to change his mind or, you know, he's going

1124
00:59:31.560 --> 00:59:34.800
to go do the work that he needs to do to let you in, that's all on him.

1125
00:59:35.320 --> 00:59:38.080
And you need to help him in his decision.

1126
00:59:38.840 --> 00:59:41.480
Because it sounds like even though he told you what you needed to do,

1127
00:59:41.480 --> 00:59:42.720
he's still shocked that you did it.

1128
00:59:44.480 --> 00:59:44.800
Okay.

1129
00:59:44.800 --> 00:59:46.360
And we're not going to play any games here.

1130
00:59:46.720 --> 00:59:49.720
And so what you need to do is you need to lose his number, honey.

1131
00:59:49.720 --> 00:59:52.720
And I know it's going to be hard and we'll hold you accountable, but you need

1132
00:59:52.720 --> 00:59:54.360
to, you need to go ahead and block him.

1133
00:59:55.000 --> 00:59:55.280
Yeah.

1134
00:59:55.400 --> 00:59:58.600
Ladies, I just want to let you know, if you're ever trying to get rid of a soul

1135
00:59:58.600 --> 01:00:00.120
tie and you're not willing to do it.

1136
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.320
to block them on all your devices and block their social media, then you're not really serious.

1137
01:00:06.000 --> 01:00:12.000
Okay? Because as long as that channel of communication is open, the enemy of progress

1138
01:00:12.000 --> 01:00:17.440
in your life is going to make sure that they use that. In one moment of nostalgia and weakness,

1139
01:00:17.440 --> 01:00:23.360
they're going to start the whole thing all over again. Got to bless them and block them, ladies.

1140
01:00:24.080 --> 01:00:28.000
So Hannah, that's what you got to do. If you want 2024 to be your last year single,

1141
01:00:28.000 --> 01:00:31.760
then you're not going to walk around this mountain anymore with this guy. Okay?

1142
01:00:31.760 --> 01:00:36.080
And right now he's saying, Oh, you know what? It's not, it's not you. It's me.

1143
01:00:37.840 --> 01:00:41.920
But I'm telling you, there's a lot more to that. And I know he made it sound really romantic and

1144
01:00:41.920 --> 01:00:45.760
almost tragic. Like I just can't let you in. There's more to this story, honey.

1145
01:00:47.600 --> 01:00:50.640
I don't know what it is. And neither do you. Cause he lives six and a half hours away,

1146
01:00:50.640 --> 01:00:54.320
but he never met your parents. Cause he probably thought he was going to get struck by lightning

1147
01:00:54.320 --> 01:00:57.760
if he went that far. And so the bottom line is, is you got to let him go.

1148
01:01:00.400 --> 01:01:02.560
I know what I'm talking about. I've seen a lot of these scenarios,

1149
01:01:03.200 --> 01:01:07.520
right? And I'm very much pro man. So I would never say that just to say it.

1150
01:01:07.520 --> 01:01:10.880
So we're going to help you. You're going to do it. You're going to, you know,

1151
01:01:10.880 --> 01:01:14.640
your kids aren't overly involved with him. That's good. You only seen each other 10 times.

1152
01:01:14.640 --> 01:01:19.440
Cool. Bless him and block him. Make sure he cannot get ahold of you. All right.

1153
01:01:19.520 --> 01:01:23.600
I know it's going to be hard. You're gonna have a lot of weak moments.

1154
01:01:24.240 --> 01:01:29.360
And that's what we're here for. And guess what? I think it'll be a very short amount of time

1155
01:01:29.920 --> 01:01:36.560
before Mr. Wright crosses your path. If you're serious about this. And I had a student that

1156
01:01:36.560 --> 01:01:41.680
really was in a situationship for a long time, like you, when she finally surrendered the pen

1157
01:01:41.680 --> 01:01:46.240
to God, stopped trying to make this thing happen. That wasn't going to happen. And she did exactly

1158
01:01:46.240 --> 01:01:51.120
what I'm talking right now. She cut off all communication. She blocked. She actually met,

1159
01:01:51.120 --> 01:01:57.200
she, she actually met somebody. Okay. And so we're believing that for you.

1160
01:01:57.920 --> 01:02:02.960
It's time. You'd never been married. God wants that for you. He wants, you know,

1161
01:02:02.960 --> 01:02:07.360
he wants that for you. All right. Let me ask this. Let me get to these other questions. We have about

1162
01:02:07.360 --> 01:02:14.000
20 more minutes here. Erica said that happened to her too. It is heartbreaking for sure.

1163
01:02:17.200 --> 01:02:21.040
Okay. Someone else said they had a question, but I don't know where you went now.

1164
01:02:21.840 --> 01:02:30.400
Anybody else have a question? I have a question. It's Rita. Okay, Rita. Hey. So in 2021, I did

1165
01:02:31.280 --> 01:02:37.440
get on online and I had met, you know, a person and I was talking to them and then I'd guess that,

1166
01:02:37.440 --> 01:02:41.680
you know, obviously at that time I just wasn't really ready to date or whatever. So I would

1167
01:02:41.680 --> 01:02:49.040
just randomly talk to people. And we ended up exchanging phone numbers. And then I think I just,

1168
01:02:49.040 --> 01:02:53.040
I don't know if it's, I just lost interest. Cause you know, obviously at that time I kind of felt

1169
01:02:53.040 --> 01:02:58.320
like, oh, well they're not pursuing me and they're not, you know, and it was like, well, if I

1170
01:02:58.320 --> 01:03:04.000
responded, they would respond. Or if I reached out, they would, you know, and it was fine.

1171
01:03:04.080 --> 01:03:12.800
Conversation was fine. So I got to know him a little bit. Here it is. Fast forward 23. I think

1172
01:03:12.800 --> 01:03:23.760
I got online. I want to say in November and here he is online again. And so we reconnected because

1173
01:03:23.760 --> 01:03:28.080
I had already talked to him previously. We, you know, I, I do know he goes to church. I do know

1174
01:03:28.160 --> 01:03:35.520
he's saved. And I think he's been single for a couple of years. And so I do know a little bit

1175
01:03:35.520 --> 01:03:40.320
about his history, but that's about it. I never met him in person or anything like that. And so

1176
01:03:41.280 --> 01:03:47.360
he did ask for to meet up this time. Like, when are you going to allow me to take you out? And I

1177
01:03:47.360 --> 01:03:52.320
said, well, I'm going on vacation. So I will be back on the 30th. So should I reach out?

1178
01:03:52.480 --> 01:03:57.440
Okay. So, sorry. I was just listening to that backstory. So you're saying that the last

1179
01:03:57.440 --> 01:04:02.480
communication that you had with him is he wanted to take you out. You had to take a rain check

1180
01:04:02.480 --> 01:04:06.400
because you were going on vacation. You're going to be back on the 30th, but you haven't heard from

1181
01:04:06.400 --> 01:04:12.000
him since you were back. Yes. Let him know you're back. Okay. Sounds good. Yep. And let's go from

1182
01:04:12.000 --> 01:04:18.960
there. Okay. Thank you. The reason why that's appropriate is because he asked her and she had

1183
01:04:19.840 --> 01:04:24.400
to take a rain check. If you have to take a rain check, then you're the person that needs to

1184
01:04:24.400 --> 01:04:31.760
instigate that rain check. Understand? Okay. Now, if he flakes out and doesn't pick up the

1185
01:04:31.760 --> 01:04:38.560
hanky when she drops it and doesn't, you know, you know, re-invite, you know, doesn't remake plans,

1186
01:04:39.120 --> 01:04:46.400
then she can move on. All right.

1187
01:04:49.360 --> 01:04:53.760
And ladies, I always want to tell you something about men, especially modern men. You know,

1188
01:04:53.760 --> 01:04:58.720
it's not like the olden days where, you know, a boy called you up in the 1950s on your parents'

1189
01:04:58.720 --> 01:04:59.840
home telephone number.

1190
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:05.360
like shared party line and ask for the privilege and honor to take you to the tasty freeze or

1191
01:05:05.360 --> 01:05:10.080
whatever. Like he already had plans of where to take you and let you know what kind of money

1192
01:05:10.080 --> 01:05:13.360
situation he had. That's what they would even, they would even do. I saw a video the other day

1193
01:05:13.360 --> 01:05:17.920
of how to ask a girl out in the fifties and it was acted out by, you know, it was, it was a video

1194
01:05:17.920 --> 01:05:24.400
from the fifties, you know, that they would show in school to kids on how to date properly. Okay.

1195
01:05:24.400 --> 01:05:32.080
It's not like that anymore. It isn't. It's not. So if you have been out with someone more than

1196
01:05:32.080 --> 01:05:37.520
one time, don't plan, don't, don't make, don't feel like he's less masculine if he's not planning

1197
01:05:37.520 --> 01:05:41.360
out the dates and where you're going to go. He doesn't know what you like. He doesn't know you

1198
01:05:41.360 --> 01:05:47.280
help brother out. Okay. Make some suggestions. If he said, Hey, I'd love to see you again.

1199
01:05:47.280 --> 01:05:51.680
Be like, Hey, yeah, let's check out that new art installation. Or, you know, I,

1200
01:05:51.680 --> 01:05:57.360
if it's summertime, I, you know what, I love to, I love to go down to the park and,

1201
01:05:57.360 --> 01:06:00.560
you know, to the greenbelt walk. Would you like to do that? Like, you know, help.

1202
01:06:02.880 --> 01:06:08.800
Okay. This is not the princess and the pea. You're not sitting around with your little bonbons

1203
01:06:08.800 --> 01:06:14.560
waiting to be served. Cause you're the queen. No. All right.

1204
01:06:14.800 --> 01:06:22.000
My husband and I, our first date, it didn't happen. It wasn't a date from the beginning.

1205
01:06:22.000 --> 01:06:27.440
He was my neighbor, as you guys know, and I broke my phone and I was buying a front,

1206
01:06:27.440 --> 01:06:31.840
a phone off Craigslist. You guys remember Craigslist? So I was, I was essentially buying

1207
01:06:31.840 --> 01:06:40.480
a phone from a stranger off an internet want ads. And, um, I, I, I asked him,

1208
01:06:40.800 --> 01:06:46.880
and, um, I, I, I asked him to go with me. Like I went next door and knocked on his door. I was

1209
01:06:46.880 --> 01:06:51.840
like, Hey, I was like, I'm going to go buy a phone off of stranger from Craigslist. You think

1210
01:06:51.840 --> 01:06:56.480
you can go with me? I just wanted someone to go with me. And he went with me. And then on the way

1211
01:06:56.480 --> 01:07:01.280
back from doing that, we stopped at a Mexican restaurant and had dinner together. So our first

1212
01:07:01.280 --> 01:07:11.280
date kind of just happened sort of impromptu. Right. Yeah. By the way, men love to help us.

1213
01:07:11.280 --> 01:07:15.200
So if you know a man that you're interested in, ask him to help you with something.

1214
01:07:17.760 --> 01:07:21.200
I'm not saying like, ask him to like, to build you a house or something.

1215
01:07:21.200 --> 01:07:24.320
Um, but like ask him to help you with something, ask him to, you know,

1216
01:07:25.760 --> 01:07:29.680
if you're starting to know a guy and you've been out a few times and you got something

1217
01:07:29.680 --> 01:07:34.160
around your apartment or your house that needs fixed, ask him, Hey, are you handy?

1218
01:07:34.160 --> 01:07:42.480
Do you think you could come and, you know, fix this? Whatever. That's super sexy. And they love

1219
01:07:42.480 --> 01:07:49.200
to do it. And most men are handy. And if he's not handy, he'll just say, Oh yeah, I'm not handy.

1220
01:07:49.200 --> 01:07:52.480
And then you'll just think to yourself, Hmm, I don't know if I want to marry, you know?

1221
01:07:52.480 --> 01:08:02.880
Hmm. All right. You guys. Um, so I have a, by the way, ladies, men are very motivated at the

1222
01:08:02.880 --> 01:08:07.360
beginning of the year. There's a lot of men out there that are single and ready to mingle. They're

1223
01:08:07.360 --> 01:08:12.240
really motivated. They're tired of being lonely, just like you are. They're out there and they're

1224
01:08:12.240 --> 01:08:16.960
motivated. So please keep that in mind. You know what, you know how I know? Cause there's lots of

1225
01:08:16.960 --> 01:08:23.520
men joining my men's challenge right now. Woo. All right. So let's take, we, I'm going to get

1226
01:08:23.520 --> 01:08:30.960
off at five to, um, uh, one 30. So if we could take one more question, because I do have a

1227
01:08:30.960 --> 01:08:36.720
coaching call at one 30. Uh, so is it sunny? Is that sunny? Is that how you say your name?

1228
01:08:38.000 --> 01:08:44.960
Yes. Um, yeah, my question is, um, I've, uh, been a missionary,

1229
01:08:45.040 --> 01:08:49.279
feel called to missions. That still feels like a dream of my heart is just to be,

1230
01:08:50.080 --> 01:08:57.680
uh, continue to be, um, on the mission field on and off. And so, um, yeah, my question is just

1231
01:08:57.680 --> 01:09:06.560
like, I, I feel like I have really, um, held that as a standard and, and not let men in that don't,

1232
01:09:06.560 --> 01:09:14.399
I did that. I don't feel that have that calling. Um, but it's hard to find men that do. Um, so

1233
01:09:14.479 --> 01:09:23.120
yeah, it just is, is it that I'm being too picky in that or, or how, how does that look for dating?

1234
01:09:23.120 --> 01:09:28.160
Um, when I'm really, when I'm looking for that, but I don't want to be too particular or,

1235
01:09:28.160 --> 01:09:33.600
or limit God and what he wants to do in that. Well, we've had a lot of missionaries come through

1236
01:09:33.600 --> 01:09:40.000
our program, both men and women. So I've had a lot of time to walk this answer out with people.

1237
01:09:40.000 --> 01:09:45.040
Okay. So you're not the first person to ask this question. Um, you're probably the 50th person to

1238
01:09:45.040 --> 01:09:49.680
ask this question. And so, first of all, there was a word that God gave me back when we started

1239
01:09:49.680 --> 01:09:56.640
this. And he said that, you know, um, uh, he is making matches and, uh, that he is missionaries

1240
01:09:56.640 --> 01:09:59.840
were going to be getting married. Right. So

1241
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.720
people that have sacrificed the domestic life

1242
01:10:02.720 --> 01:10:06.040
to go on foreign fields, that they, a lot of them,

1243
01:10:06.040 --> 01:10:07.720
we've had a lot of missionaries get married

1244
01:10:07.720 --> 01:10:10.800
through our program because God has highlighted them.

1245
01:10:10.800 --> 01:10:14.680
That being said, I will tell you that none of them

1246
01:10:14.680 --> 01:10:17.000
have married other missionaries, okay,

1247
01:10:17.000 --> 01:10:19.680
meaning people with missions experience.

1248
01:10:19.680 --> 01:10:21.440
And so I think that it's important to understand

1249
01:10:21.440 --> 01:10:24.640
that while you have done certain missions work in the past

1250
01:10:24.640 --> 01:10:27.820
and you may not believe that that season of your life

1251
01:10:27.820 --> 01:10:31.180
is over, just really surrendering that pen to God,

1252
01:10:31.180 --> 01:10:33.500
not just in your marriage, but also in the missions work

1253
01:10:33.500 --> 01:10:37.100
and letting it unfold and be whatever it is that God,

1254
01:10:37.100 --> 01:10:38.860
it'll be different if you were, you know,

1255
01:10:38.860 --> 01:10:40.900
joining us from a foreign field right now.

1256
01:10:40.900 --> 01:10:44.040
I have one girl who's a medical missionary in Iraq,

1257
01:10:44.940 --> 01:10:46.980
you know, so anyone who wants to marry her

1258
01:10:46.980 --> 01:10:50.420
would have to move there because that's where she's at.

1259
01:10:50.420 --> 01:10:52.540
She's not back, you know, in the States,

1260
01:10:52.540 --> 01:10:54.620
she's not stateside and she doesn't plan

1261
01:10:54.620 --> 01:10:55.780
on coming back to stateside

1262
01:10:55.780 --> 01:10:57.620
unless God would call her back here.

1263
01:10:58.420 --> 01:10:59.540
So, you know, you're a missionary

1264
01:10:59.540 --> 01:11:02.020
who's in between mission assignments.

1265
01:11:03.540 --> 01:11:07.560
And so right now, if you just open up,

1266
01:11:07.560 --> 01:11:10.180
because just like when God called you to missions,

1267
01:11:10.180 --> 01:11:12.740
it kind of happened in a moment, right?

1268
01:11:12.740 --> 01:11:14.340
The same is true of other people,

1269
01:11:14.340 --> 01:11:15.620
especially Christ followers,

1270
01:11:15.620 --> 01:11:17.340
people who are truly following Christ.

1271
01:11:17.340 --> 01:11:21.160
Like I'm not a missionary, like in the traditional sense

1272
01:11:21.160 --> 01:11:24.180
of it, like in the foreign land sense of it,

1273
01:11:24.180 --> 01:11:27.060
but at any moment, God could call me to that, why?

1274
01:11:27.420 --> 01:11:31.100
Because I've already given him my yes for everything.

1275
01:11:31.100 --> 01:11:33.180
So what you want is you want a man

1276
01:11:33.180 --> 01:11:37.100
who's given God his yes, just in general,

1277
01:11:37.100 --> 01:11:41.220
not someone who's a missionary, right?

1278
01:11:43.580 --> 01:11:45.160
So that's really what you want to look for.

1279
01:11:45.160 --> 01:11:46.060
You want to look for someone

1280
01:11:46.060 --> 01:11:48.340
who's really sold out to Jesus.

1281
01:11:48.340 --> 01:11:49.640
I don't think you could be married to anyone

1282
01:11:49.640 --> 01:11:51.540
who's not like that because of, you know,

1283
01:11:51.540 --> 01:11:54.260
the calling on your life and someone who's just willing

1284
01:11:54.260 --> 01:11:55.860
to go wherever God leads them.

1285
01:11:55.860 --> 01:11:57.220
And you guys, there's a lot,

1286
01:11:57.220 --> 01:11:59.620
most all Christians should be that way.

1287
01:11:59.620 --> 01:12:01.420
You guys, we should all be that way.

1288
01:12:03.140 --> 01:12:05.140
Just like, here I am, Lord, send me.

1289
01:12:06.140 --> 01:12:08.540
And then sometimes God's like, well, somebody's got to stay.

1290
01:12:08.540 --> 01:12:10.380
And you're like, okay, I'll stay too.

1291
01:12:12.820 --> 01:12:13.900
I'm that person.

1292
01:12:13.900 --> 01:12:16.220
When everyone else had their shoes in the air

1293
01:12:16.220 --> 01:12:19.300
at the conferences, like Isaiah, you know,

1294
01:12:19.300 --> 01:12:21.460
who will go send me, put your shoes in the air,

1295
01:12:21.460 --> 01:12:23.740
say, God, I will go, I will go.

1296
01:12:23.740 --> 01:12:26.300
I wanted to put my shoes in the air,

1297
01:12:26.300 --> 01:12:28.460
but practically speaking, I was like,

1298
01:12:28.460 --> 01:12:30.380
well, you know, Lord, everyone else is going,

1299
01:12:30.380 --> 01:12:31.740
so someone's got to stay.

1300
01:12:32.620 --> 01:12:35.320
And I'm fully willing to go, but who's going to stay?

1301
01:12:35.320 --> 01:12:37.660
And so here I am, right?

1302
01:12:37.660 --> 01:12:40.020
Helping revive family in America.

1303
01:12:40.020 --> 01:12:41.900
And we are actually going to nations.

1304
01:12:41.900 --> 01:12:43.580
You guys, I got invited to come

1305
01:12:43.580 --> 01:12:46.020
and speak in Africa this year.

1306
01:12:46.020 --> 01:12:48.620
And so this year in the fall, I will be going to Africa.

1307
01:12:48.620 --> 01:12:51.100
And that will be my first, besides Italy and Portugal,

1308
01:12:51.100 --> 01:12:53.600
that will be my first overseas trip.

1309
01:12:54.300 --> 01:12:57.080
So does that, Sunny, that answered your question, right?

1310
01:12:57.080 --> 01:12:58.760
Yes, thank you so much.

1311
01:12:58.760 --> 01:12:59.600
You're welcome.

1312
01:12:59.600 --> 01:13:01.000
Jennifer, what about you?

1313
01:13:01.000 --> 01:13:02.320
You had your hand up.

1314
01:13:02.320 --> 01:13:04.160
I know, yeah, thank you.

1315
01:13:04.160 --> 01:13:08.000
I just noticed that I've been eating a lot lately

1316
01:13:08.000 --> 01:13:09.680
and it's because I couldn't say no

1317
01:13:09.680 --> 01:13:11.520
to the guy that I was dating.

1318
01:13:11.520 --> 01:13:16.520
And so my response is I'll eat a lot so that I become ugly.

1319
01:13:16.520 --> 01:13:21.520
It's like, I know, I don't know how to break that.

1320
01:13:22.520 --> 01:13:26.760
Well, you break it by only eating what you want to eat

1321
01:13:26.760 --> 01:13:28.760
and what you should eat when you want to eat.

1322
01:13:28.760 --> 01:13:29.960
And here's the thing, ladies,

1323
01:13:29.960 --> 01:13:33.880
is that we're not going to sabotage ourselves

1324
01:13:35.080 --> 01:13:38.040
to try to do anything with a man,

1325
01:13:38.040 --> 01:13:41.600
whether to get him not to like us, to get him to like us.

1326
01:13:41.600 --> 01:13:44.760
In fact, your spirit mate is only going to be attracted

1327
01:13:44.760 --> 01:13:47.440
to you when you're being your real self.

1328
01:13:47.440 --> 01:13:49.360
And so I want to encourage all of you to understand

1329
01:13:49.480 --> 01:13:53.160
that if there are any counterfeits that you're dealing with

1330
01:13:53.160 --> 01:13:55.760
or any, like Jennifer's talking about,

1331
01:13:55.760 --> 01:13:57.840
like trauma response patterns,

1332
01:13:57.840 --> 01:14:00.680
we want to go ahead and nip those in the bud, don't we?

1333
01:14:00.680 --> 01:14:02.120
We want to nip those in the bud.

1334
01:14:02.120 --> 01:14:03.760
And then if you're a people pleaser

1335
01:14:03.760 --> 01:14:06.200
who can't say no to someone,

1336
01:14:06.200 --> 01:14:10.320
we definitely want to get to the root of that.

1337
01:14:10.320 --> 01:14:14.680
What is causing us, hold on one second.

1338
01:14:19.360 --> 01:14:24.360
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

1339
01:14:49.360 --> 01:14:54.360
Okay, sorry, someone's just wandering around in my front yard.

1340
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:02.840
I'm looking for something, sorry about that, ladies.

1341
01:15:04.160 --> 01:15:08.520
So, if there's a people-pleasing thing, right?

1342
01:15:08.520 --> 01:15:10.720
And Jennifer, you know, that might come from culture

1343
01:15:10.720 --> 01:15:12.640
that you've been raised around,

1344
01:15:12.640 --> 01:15:14.480
where, you know, you don't get to do what you want,

1345
01:15:14.480 --> 01:15:17.800
you get to do what everyone else tells you that you want.

1346
01:15:17.800 --> 01:15:19.480
You know, it's important to break free from that

1347
01:15:19.480 --> 01:15:22.480
because you definitely don't want that dynamic in marriage.

1348
01:15:22.480 --> 01:15:24.640
You know, that will attract the wrong type of man,

1349
01:15:24.640 --> 01:15:25.880
the type of man who, you know,

1350
01:15:25.880 --> 01:15:27.360
wants a woman to be subservient.

1351
01:15:27.360 --> 01:15:29.520
You guys, the words submit and subservient,

1352
01:15:29.520 --> 01:15:31.240
those are not the same words.

1353
01:15:31.240 --> 01:15:34.520
You know how subservient has the word servient in it, right?

1354
01:15:34.520 --> 01:15:37.720
Servant in it, we don't want to mistake.

1355
01:15:37.720 --> 01:15:40.800
The word submit is also used in the word of God

1356
01:15:40.800 --> 01:15:44.400
as submitting in love to one another, okay?

1357
01:15:44.400 --> 01:15:47.320
The word submit, when it's used in accordance with marriage,

1358
01:15:47.320 --> 01:15:50.160
has to do with trusting, okay?

1359
01:15:50.160 --> 01:15:52.840
It has to do with trusting and respecting.

1360
01:15:52.840 --> 01:15:55.320
It doesn't have to do with being lorded over.

1361
01:15:55.320 --> 01:15:57.920
And so it's important that we understand that, right?

1362
01:15:57.960 --> 01:16:01.680
And the first admonition is to men to love their wives

1363
01:16:01.680 --> 01:16:05.520
like Christ loved the church and gave his life for it.

1364
01:16:05.520 --> 01:16:08.200
So that's a selfless, sacrificing man

1365
01:16:08.200 --> 01:16:11.880
who puts his wife and his family and their needs first.

1366
01:16:11.880 --> 01:16:14.200
And it's very easy to respect and honor

1367
01:16:14.200 --> 01:16:16.320
and trust a man like that.

1368
01:16:16.320 --> 01:16:17.800
And there's the word submit.

1369
01:16:17.800 --> 01:16:19.360
Oh, so Jennifer, we want to get to that.

1370
01:16:19.360 --> 01:16:21.640
That's what we're going to work on in this program with you

1371
01:16:21.640 --> 01:16:25.200
is that you cannot be a toxic people pleaser, okay?

1372
01:16:25.200 --> 01:16:27.120
It's easier to say no to someone

1373
01:16:27.120 --> 01:16:29.520
than to try to make yourself fat

1374
01:16:29.520 --> 01:16:32.040
so that they won't want you anymore.

1375
01:16:32.040 --> 01:16:33.680
That's silly talk, right?

1376
01:16:33.680 --> 01:16:35.560
That's silly talk, we don't want that.

1377
01:16:35.560 --> 01:16:36.400
All right.

1378
01:16:36.400 --> 01:16:38.880
That's instinctive, but thank you.

1379
01:16:38.880 --> 01:16:40.560
All right, but yes, but listen,

1380
01:16:40.560 --> 01:16:43.440
people pleasing tendencies and a lot of women have them.

1381
01:16:43.440 --> 01:16:44.440
They were raised to believe

1382
01:16:44.440 --> 01:16:46.800
that women just do what they're told, right?

1383
01:16:46.800 --> 01:16:48.840
And so it's important that we get to the roots of that

1384
01:16:48.840 --> 01:16:52.240
because that is not the divine, I'm sorry,

1385
01:16:52.240 --> 01:16:54.200
the divine masculine and divine feminine

1386
01:16:54.200 --> 01:16:56.200
are equal in God's eyes.

1387
01:16:56.240 --> 01:16:58.640
They're different but equal

1388
01:16:58.640 --> 01:17:01.800
as far as in autonomy and decision.

1389
01:17:01.800 --> 01:17:06.120
We've all been given the free will, the power of choice.

1390
01:17:06.120 --> 01:17:08.200
We've all been given that, not just men.

1391
01:17:09.760 --> 01:17:10.600
Thank you.

1392
01:17:10.600 --> 01:17:12.280
Awesome.

1393
01:17:12.280 --> 01:17:14.240
All right, ladies, well, I bless you.

1394
01:17:14.240 --> 01:17:15.080
I'm excited.

1395
01:17:15.080 --> 01:17:18.280
You guys, we have a prophesy your year special event coming.

1396
01:17:18.280 --> 01:17:20.440
We're bringing in Lindsay Ryman from Bethel Reading.

1397
01:17:20.440 --> 01:17:25.440
She's been with us three times now to do this session.

1398
01:17:25.440 --> 01:17:26.400
It's very powerful.

1399
01:17:26.400 --> 01:17:27.520
It lasts for two hours.

1400
01:17:27.520 --> 01:17:30.680
It's gonna be on Sunday, the 7th, January 7th

1401
01:17:30.680 --> 01:17:35.680
at 4.30 Pacific, that's 7.30 Central.

1402
01:17:36.560 --> 01:17:40.840
And I guess that would be 8.30, wait, 4.30.

1403
01:17:40.840 --> 01:17:45.840
That would be 7.30, 6.30 Central and 7.30 Eastern.

1404
01:17:46.880 --> 01:17:48.640
It's very powerful.

1405
01:17:48.640 --> 01:17:52.560
You basically will be able to press into the heart of God

1406
01:17:52.560 --> 01:17:54.640
for every month of the new year.

1407
01:17:54.680 --> 01:17:56.560
What is God prophetically saying to you?

1408
01:17:56.560 --> 01:17:57.760
There are breakout sessions.

1409
01:17:57.760 --> 01:17:59.480
You will have prophetic prayer partners.

1410
01:17:59.480 --> 01:18:01.760
You'll have a different one for every month.

1411
01:18:01.760 --> 01:18:04.400
It's a very supernatural time.

1412
01:18:04.400 --> 01:18:06.680
I've used my prophesy the year calendar

1413
01:18:06.680 --> 01:18:09.200
to really chart my course for the new year

1414
01:18:09.200 --> 01:18:11.000
with very accurate results.

1415
01:18:11.000 --> 01:18:13.080
So if you've never done that session,

1416
01:18:13.080 --> 01:18:15.040
you're gonna wanna do that session.

1417
01:18:15.040 --> 01:18:16.920
It is a special bonus session.

1418
01:18:16.920 --> 01:18:18.840
So it has its own fee connected to it.

1419
01:18:18.840 --> 01:18:20.200
It's $45.

1420
01:18:21.160 --> 01:18:24.360
It does come with replay if you can't be there live.

1421
01:18:25.320 --> 01:18:26.680
Just wanted to let you guys know that

1422
01:18:26.680 --> 01:18:28.800
because I think that's the next event

1423
01:18:28.800 --> 01:18:30.920
that you guys have coming

1424
01:18:30.920 --> 01:18:33.080
because that's this coming Sunday.

1425
01:18:33.080 --> 01:18:35.120
Of course, there's Supernatural Sunday,

1426
01:18:35.120 --> 01:18:37.560
Supernatural Saturday, and there is Sunday activation

1427
01:18:37.560 --> 01:18:40.480
at the same time as that prophesy your year event

1428
01:18:40.480 --> 01:18:42.720
for the people that do not wanna go to that.

1429
01:18:42.720 --> 01:18:45.040
So we'll still have Sunday night activation.

1430
01:18:45.040 --> 01:18:48.280
But other than that, we'll see you guys next Tuesday.

1431
01:18:48.280 --> 01:18:49.640
Make sure you're showing up in your group,

1432
01:18:49.640 --> 01:18:52.360
you're sharing your experiences, you're posting.

1433
01:18:52.360 --> 01:18:54.160
The coaches in that group, the dating coaches

1434
01:18:54.960 --> 01:18:56.440
will give you feedback if you need accountability,

1435
01:18:56.440 --> 01:18:58.120
if you need anything.

1436
01:18:58.120 --> 01:18:59.880
Make sure you're posting in that group.

1437
01:18:59.880 --> 01:19:02.080
And then for those of you that are moving on to phase three,

1438
01:19:02.080 --> 01:19:04.560
go ahead and email admin at JackieDorman.com

1439
01:19:04.560 --> 01:19:06.080
if you didn't get access to your portal,

1440
01:19:06.080 --> 01:19:08.480
we'll get that straightened out, okay?

1441
01:19:08.480 --> 01:19:11.800
All right, love y'all, blessings, happy new year.

1442
01:19:11.800 --> 01:19:12.640
Come on.

1443
01:19:12.640 --> 01:19:14.800
See you soon, bye-bye.