Oh, I guess we are recording.
Yes, I would love to explain that to you.
Okay, so, you know, dating, the word dating has, you know,
had different iterations over the generations, right?
You won't find the word dating in the Bible.
It's not mentioned there because no one did that.
There was no such thing as dating in the pre-modern world, right?
In the biblical world, you know, you had, you know, betrothals.
You know, you were promised to each other and then you got married
and there was a whole lot that went into that.
Even in our pre-modern world, that was the truth.
You know, we had debutante balls.
We had courtships.
We had, you know, dating wasn't a thing.
Dating really wasn't a thing until the turn of the century.
And really, honestly, ladies, dating came to be as part of women's empowerment.
Women were getting to choose who and who they didn't want to court them, right?
This is where it comes from.
And it really gained traction.
Dating really gained traction in the 60s, okay,
where there was a lot more freedom in the romantic area of people's lives
and their sexuality and different things, okay?
And so we really want to understand that even as early as the 1950s,
you know, dates were always romantic propositions, always.
You would never, if you were a teenager in the 50s in high school,
as a guy, you would never call a girl up and ask her and her parents
if you could take her out if you weren't romantically attracted to her.
You just wouldn't do that.
And you have to remember, people were meeting people within community.
They were meeting people that lived in their neighborhoods,
people that went to their high schools,
people that were part of their civic or, you know, church groups.
They weren't dating, quote, unquote, strangers on the Internet.
Okay?
No one was doing that.
And so now we have to take the romance out of the word dating.
We have to because up until you know that this is someone
that you're romantically interested in,
and we call that level three of relationship,
everything else is discovery about this person because, once again,
they might not be someone from your community.
You might not know anyone that knows them.
You're going to have to really see who this person is.
You can't just be like, oh, okay, well, you know,
he's been best friends with my cousin Frank for, you know, 15 years,
so he must be a good guy.
You don't know.
You don't know who this person is.
And so spending time around them, getting to know them,
getting to see whether or not you're even interested in a romantic date
with them, right?
If you're interested in a romantic proposition with them.
And so that's why I say that.
Dating is about discovery.
It's about discovering what you like and what you don't like,
what you want and what you don't want.
It's about, for some of you that have been divorced,
getting back out there and making different decisions that you made the
first time.
Okay.
Getting to know a different variety of people than maybe you ever have in
your life before.
Of the 600 plus success stories that we've had in the last 39 months,
I will tell you,
at least 50% of those people ended up marrying someone that they never,
ever,
ever would have guessed they would have been attracted to,
or would have ended up marrying.
Whether that person was not the age they expected or not the race they
expected or didn't come from the state they expected or background they
expected.
Wasn't someone that they used to think that they were, you know,
fit their criteria of attraction.
Doesn't matter.
Whatever it was, it was a surprise.
It was a surprise that they started to have romantic feelings for that
person.
It was a surprise when they kept showing back up for more and more and
more, you know, get togethers.
We call those dates because they were intrigued by the person and then
eventually ended up falling in love with the person.
So that's why it's really,
really important that you just put romance aside.
There's plenty of time for romance right now.
Let's just find out who this person is.
Let's just give ourselves a chance to get to know them.
Go ahead.
Is there generally.
I hate to say it this way, but is there generally a, and maybe,
cause I'm just starting the phase two.
Part. So maybe you get into that.
With the levels of dating.
But.
If you start to go out with somebody and let's say you're.
With them for a month or you're with them for two months.
And they have romantic feelings for you,
but you're still trying to get to know them.
But you kind of like them and you like who they are and you could see
yourself having.
You know, romantic feelings towards them. Is there a.
Is there a point.
Is there a timeframe, I guess.
Where you go from.
You know,
place. Like, I also, I also feel like there's a lot, a lot of
times you get into that infatuation with somebody
because you have this idea of who they are, and, and they look
good on paper, and they have all the qualities of somebody that
you want, and you fall hard fast.
Which is why we have the different levels of relationship.
So relationship level one is community. And I break this
down, I thought I broke it down the dating 101 video, the level
one is community. So these are people that you know, men and
women that you're just in some sort of acquaintance with in
community with maybe you work with them, maybe you ride the
same public transit every day, you see them on the train,
whatever, you're in community in some sort of community with
this person, you don't really know them that well. Maybe you
kind of know them, but maybe you don't know them at all. You just
see them every day, you work in a hospital and you pass your,
your, you know, your ships passing the night. Okay, level
two is where there's a spark of intrigue. It doesn't have to be
romantic, it doesn't have to be like, Oh, I think they're, you
know, amazing, and so good looking or whatever. But you
want to get to know this person better for whatever reason, or
they want to get to know you better. And then they ask you
out on what all of us call a date. Okay, they ask you to
coffee, they ask you to lunch, they ask you to some sort of
one on one situation where you're going to sit down and
try to get to know each other better. Now, I think people
should stay at level two for as long as possible to really make
a decision of whether or not you want to go to level three,
because level three is exclusivity. You've decided
that you're going to take yourself off the market for this
person, you're only going to focus on them, they're only
going to focus on you to see whether or not this relationship
can go all the way. Okay, that will, that's what we would call
boyfriend and girlfriend, right? Is my boyfriend, this is my
girlfriend. We're exclusive, we're together. We're in a
romance. You know, we're trying to see whether or not this
romance actually can become a marriage. And then level four,
of course, is proposal engagement. And then level five
is marriage. Okay, level two should be your longest level. A
lot of people kind of stay short in level two, they rush into
level three. So level two should be I'm sorry, it shouldn't be
your longest level. But it should last longer than it does.
Level three should actually be your longest level. I like short
engagements, y'all used to know by the time that person asked
you to be their wife, whether or not you really want to be their
wife, because you spend enough time in level two and three. And
if you didn't, then that's where you're going to be confused in
level four, if you know some yellow flags start turning red.
So make sure you stay in level two and three long enough to
when you get to level four, and they ask you and you say yes,
y'all could get married next month if you if you needed to.
Okay. All right. Does that answer your question? Sharon?
Yeah, that does. Thank you very much.
You're welcome. And ladies, what I've noticed is that people that
have been burned badly, both men and women, and also older women
specifically, have a tendency to, you know, see a lot of
things. A far off, let's put it that way, you know, just
basically, go through too many scenarios in your mind, you
know, why can't work, why it shouldn't work, why this person
is not the person or, you know, you, you go red flag hunting,
and you find things about this person that you don't really
like or care for, before you really give yourself a chance to
get to know them. Okay, red flags often are really yellow
flags that you've turned red, because you don't know this
person's personality, you don't know their heart. Okay, and
they're yellow flags that could possibly very, very possibly
turn green. If that person is teachable, and they're aware of
their shortcomings. People most of the time know what's wrong
with them. And if they're willing to work on those things,
and they are working on those things that you going digging
around their garbage at nighttime, trying to find those
things is not going to be beneficial for you. All right.
Okay. Who's next?
I have a question. Okay. Okay, so I just joined level phase
two, the love accelerator. And it seems like everybody's
dating, and it's always online dating. And I talked to you,
Jackie before about, I met this guy online. And it just seems
like all they want is sex. And then and then they think that
you're weird that you're online dating on these online dating
sites. And you don't want to have sex. So I feel like the
online dating is not a good, like, and then how would I find
a date if I'm not online dating?
Okay, so I hear a couple different questions there. So
let's start with the first question. So we do have a dating
challenge, a lot of people are going to use the apps to meet
new people. All right, they are going to use those there's lots
of apps to choose from. And I will tell you guys that 70% of
Christians are still
meeting their spouses on an app, all right?
And even in our community, we love what we do
because it's supernatural.
So we prepare you to be the bride.
We help you unpack the heart boxes.
We help you get rid of all the things
that would be in the way of love
and keep you from actually letting love in
when it shows up.
You guys, that's 80% of it.
You gotta be able to let it in when it shows up
and just because it doesn't look the way you expect it
or it doesn't live where you expected it to live
or whatever.
So we do all that work, do a lot of matchmaking.
People get married within our community,
within our men's and women's community all the time.
And then I do matchmaking and we have other things
that cause matchmaking opportunities.
But the most thing that we do
of our 600 plus success stories is we help people
to put themselves out there with a different perspective,
filters off, blind spots off,
and they're able to, you know, once again,
step into that love story that God has for them.
And for a lot of people that happens on an app.
So Jennifer, I wanna address where you said that,
you know, most of these people are looking for sex.
It's not true.
Most of the people that you have met are looking for sex.
And so first, let's just go ahead and grab a hold of that.
Does that make you bad or broken?
No, it just means that when something happens to us
more than once, we have a tendency to believe
that that's all there is.
And it's not true.
So we don't wanna get back into a place
where we're letting the little foxes back in the vineyard.
Okay.
Now, if you are burnt out with anything
that has to do with digital dating, take a break from it.
There's plenty of places and things that you can do
in person where you can meet new people.
We're actually gonna be having a, you know,
a big retreat calendar for all of our single cities
this year, retreats, conferences,
get togethers, singles meetups.
We're gonna go fully in-person.
I know that COVID was four years ago,
but believe it or not, in-person still has suffered
from, you know, just all the price, you know,
hikes and all the things that all the hospitality centers
have done to try to make up for that time.
And it's finally starting to even out.
And it's finally time to start doing in-person again.
Okay.
So really excited about 2024 and in-person opportunities
with last year's single community.
But ladies, this is for all of you.
Follow your bliss.
Find your bliss.
Okay.
If the Lord speaks to you and he specifically wants you
to get uncomfortable and do something that stretches you
that you didn't really wanna do, then you do what he says.
But if you're burnt out, you don't like something,
it makes you feel depressed.
You know, it makes you feel sad.
No, don't do it.
Don't do it.
We're not doing this in our own strength.
Your love story is supernatural.
So continue to do this work,
continue to work on yourself,
continue to put yourself out there to your community
and let them know, hey, I'm open to introductions.
I'm open to blind dates, to the people that you trust.
I'm open for you to introduce me to someone.
Continue to take, you know, advantage of the other.
Here's one thing that the ladies that have leveraged this
in this community have been very successful.
You have a huge sister squad within last year's single.
And just because a man's not right for one of you
doesn't mean he's not right for another one of you.
So make sure that if you meet a great guy
that you're just really not physically and emotionally
and romantically attracted to,
but he's wonderful and he loves the Lord.
Make sure that you're putting him,
you know, you're praying and say,
hey God, do I know a sister in this area
that this man lives in within here,
that within this group that I could introduce him to?
Do I know someone?
You know, leverage that matchmaking ability
for each other as well.
And so Jennifer, you have permission to stay off the apps
until, you know, maybe forever.
Maybe forever, but you guys,
there are good people on every single app,
even Tinder, which is the booty call app.
I know people who have gotten married off of Tinder.
Okay.
Awesome, thank you.
And ladies, if someone wants sex,
obviously it's a delete block.
You don't have to correct them.
You don't have to tell them why they're wrong
and why they're disgusting.
Just delete block.
Don't even favor them with an answer.
You know, if they ask what you're doing,
if they ask if they can come over and cuddle,
you know, just delete block.
By the way-
If they ask to come over and cuddle,
it doesn't mean they just want to cuddle.
Well, they're a complete stranger.
Why would you cuddle with them?
And so, yeah.
course, it doesn't mean that at all. But that's code for and I
think that these men think that, you know, if I meet this woman's
emotional need, or if I talk about an emotional need that a
woman needs, of just coming and holding her and cuddling her,
then you know, that gets me in the door for the things that I
want. Right. And yeah, that's the delete block.
I have a question, Jackie. Yeah. So when you're meeting someone
for the first time, do you feel that it's okay to ask them
about their relationship with God? Or should we give it some
time?
You know, here's the thing. The thing is, is that, you know,
with God is a personal thing, right? And in it's not
necessarily measured by what all of us measure it by, you know,
whatever denomination you come from, I'm sure that there's a
level of spirituality, that you measure things by, for instance,
the charismatics, they would measure it by, you know, Holy
Spirit activity, do you speak in tongues, blah, blah, blah, you
know, that's how we would say whether this person was
spiritual or not. Other people like maybe the Baptist, how well
do you know scripture? Can you quote scripture, you know, you
don't see what I'm saying. And so I don't really think that
it's good to measure people by gifts or by denominational
criteria. I think that it's important to see if this person
has fruit in their lives. You know, and one way that I have
found with coaching all of the Christian women that I coached
that you can find out about a man's spirituality without
interrogating him, is by just owning your own. Okay. And what
that looks like is, you know, if you're, you know, and I know
women like this, and I know men like this, that they cannot even
say a sentence without the word Jesus in it, they can't say a
sentence without the word Jesus in it. Okay. They're just like,
and the Lord was good. And I went over here and I got some
gas and Oh, Jesus, bless me, you know, look at the price. I mean,
they just cannot, they can't. All right, there's as churchy as
you can get. And if you are one of those people, then you got to
do you boo, you got to be yourself. Because if the person
doesn't like that, then they're not going to like you. Okay. But
if you're like me, I love Jesus. But he is, you know, I'm not
going to say his name more than he even said his name. I mean,
I'm not purposely not saying it. But I'm not just running around
like preaching and evangelize and everyone and like, praying
for everyone in the lines if I can like get them healed or
whatever. I know people that do that. God bless them. They do
it. Maybe I should do more of it. But that's just not how I
live out my faith. Okay, my I live out my faith, and I'm not
ashamed of the Lord, but I don't live out my faith that way. And
so if you're not someone who lives out their faith that way,
you have to understand that there are other people who don't
live out their faith that way. Okay, they're part of spiritual
community. They do know God they have relationship with God. But
you're going to find that out by just being yourself. You know,
if you're just sitting and talking and being like, you
know, hey, what are you going to do this weekend? And they're
like, blah, blah, blah. And you're like, Yeah, I'm gonna,
you know, go to this concert on Saturday. And then I have church
on Sunday, you know, you're going to talk about what it is
you do. And then you can kind of watch their reaction, right? Oh,
yeah, I got church too. Yeah, yeah, I gotta go. Where do you
go to church? You know, those, those really natural organic
conversations don't make men or women feel like they're being
interrogated. Or, you know, because men complain about this,
ladies, they do all the time. They they first of all, I will
tell you, this is what Christian men complain about to me. They
complain that they feel like every woman that they go out
with is just vetting them out to see if, if he's their husband,
if he is their husband. Okay, cross them off the list. Check
them off. All right. They feel like that. Some guys have even
gone as far as to say, I don't even put that I'm a Christian in
my bio on the dating app, because I feel like it attracts
women that are not looking to get to know me that are just
looking for a husband. Promise you, this is feedback that I've
gotten for more for more than one man. Okay. And then the
other thing is, is that, you know, church, most church,
especially non denominational church, it isn't that attractive
to men as it is to women. Okay, the way the format of it, it's
not as attractive, no men go, but they don't, they don't,
that's not necessarily where they get all of their
spirituality from, okay, or their connection with God from,
you know, men are made differently than women. And it's
important that we don't judge men's spirituality by a female
or feminine criteria. Okay, a lot of people also, post COVID,
their church either closed or their church really drastically
changed whether
the leadership of it changed or the dynamics of it changed.
And a lot of people have been kind of, you know,
steep without a shepherd since 2020 and 2021.
Kind of trying to find their footing.
You know, they were going to church online,
they got into a bad habit of that.
So let's keep all that in mind
when we're out there meeting people, okay?
Okay, thanks.
So Teresa, to answer your question,
just let it organically come up.
You don't have to try to figure out
what level of faith that they're at right away.
You can just kind of have fun on the first couple of dates
and really see, you know,
if they cuss like a sailor and they drink like a sailor,
they're probably not a Christian, okay?
Or they're not living out their faith.
If they do other things that are untoward,
then of course you're not gonna go out
with them again anyway.
But I think that just letting the conversation open up
and talking about the things that are important to you,
which God being one of them,
I think you're gonna naturally see that person
either like not be interested and not ask you out anymore,
or they're going to be interested
and they're going to, you know,
begin to share about their own faith as well.
Okay.
Historically speaking, ladies,
men who are not believers and don't love Jesus
don't like to go out with women that do.
You're not gonna be the kind of girl
that they're looking for
if that's not what they're interested in.
All right, what else we got?
All right, if you guys don't have any more questions,
I can actually just go through some stuff
from your roll call today.
From your roll call for this week.
And if you guys wanna do that,
we can kind of glean from some of the things
that are on here.
Let's see.
There's been some questions about soul ties.
Soul ties are just those, you know,
just kind of in layman's term,
what they are is they're things that
keep us from moving forward in certain areas of our lives.
They keep us tethered to the past.
They keep us in the same patterns.
And we don't want those,
especially if those patterns are negative patterns.
We wanna break free from those things and go forward.
So soul ties can be to people,
they could be to places,
they could be to things,
they could be to ideas.
Just so you know,
they don't have to just be sexual in nature.
How many of you watched the bonus soul tie session
in phase one?
Okay.
If you haven't seen it,
it is in your heart work course
in phase one of the program.
Make sure you go back and watch it.
But some people say in phase two
that they're running into the soul tie stuff.
You know, holidays, ladies,
is a time for old angzyne, right?
It's a time to be reminiscent of the past and nostalgic.
A lot of the songs and different things
talk about nostalgia that we have around the holidays.
And you guys, for me,
nostalgia a lot of times can just be a fancy word for fear.
You know, when the past seems more promising
than the future,
we know that we're believing a lie.
So for this time of the year,
your mind tends to go back to former relationships
and how you felt,
and you're forgetting all of the negative stuff
of why you're not with that person anymore.
But you're only remembering
the kind of rose colored glasses stuff.
We wanna make sure that we nip that in the bud.
Because all that is,
is that that's just you trying to medicate yourself.
Just you trying to, you know,
feel better about your current situation.
And it actually causes us to lose momentum.
So what we wanna do is we want to,
instead of putting any hope in the past,
we wanna put all of our hope in the future, right?
And that starts with present routine.
You guys, the secret sauce to your love story
is your present routine right now.
If you're not getting on prayer, get on prayer.
That's what it's there for.
It's supernatural.
It will increase your hope.
I wanna tell you something about your love story.
You need to know this.
Your love story is supernatural.
If your love story was natural,
you would already be married.
If your love story was in your control fully,
and you could just go out and make it happen,
all of you would have went out and made it happen already.
Okay?
So we have to remember,
without letting go of our part,
our natural part that we play,
we're expecting God to put the super on our natural.
So we have a routine, right?
We have some discipline that we have to.
put into practice here in 2024.
And sometimes that means doing things afraid
that are stretching us and that we don't like Jennifer,
getting on apps and swiping past the sex bots
and the people that are there for the wrong reasons
and understanding that there is a diamond
in this big pile of coal somewhere.
There is.
And one of the things I wanna tell you about apps
if you're doing them is you can't just do them randomly.
You gotta have a routine for them.
Okay, I only swipe on these two days of the week
and then I look at the responses on this day.
And I go through, see if there's anyone
that I wanna talk to,
and then I delete all the rest of the stuff.
You have to have a system in place.
Otherwise, if you just swipe when you're bored,
if you just randomly look at your inbox messages
every once in a while, you're gonna miss good messages,
you're gonna miss good people.
If you're swiping when you're bored,
you're gonna feel burnout, you're gonna feel overwhelmed.
You almost have to, you gotta get your game face on,
you gotta get ready for it, okay?
It's not ideal, I understand.
And that's why if you don't feel like you can do it,
you don't have enough bandwidth for it right now
in your life, then don't do it.
But once again, you have to remember,
even when you're doing that, that it's not all on you.
Take that mindset off, it's not all on you.
You're doing what you know to do
so that God can do what only he can do.
Your love story is supernatural.
I have not come across even one love story
in the last three years that we have been part of
helping make happen that wasn't supernatural.
In fact, right now I have a client who got a divorce,
it's not ideal, but it forced her to move back
to her tiny little hometown in Texas.
And you know what?
She moved back, it's almost like a Hallmark movie.
She moved back in her tiny little hometown in Texas,
and guess what?
A boy she went to middle school also moved back
to his tiny little hometown in Texas,
and now they're falling in love.
Haven't seen each other since middle school,
weren't romantically involved with each other during school,
just know each other from the same tiny little community.
Crazy, right?
Yeah, actually, there's another story like that.
I just got a picture in my inbox last night
from one of my OGs, one of the ladies
that has been with me for over a year,
and she was actually almost engaged,
well, I think they were engaged,
they were in our Symbus class,
and it just wasn't compatible,
it was a long distance relationship, it got broken off.
So it went all the way to level four,
and then got broken off, pretty devastating, right?
But then what happened was is she crossed paths
with someone that she dated when she was younger,
16 years ago, they dated just really briefly,
and she was like, no, I don't really think
that I'm that attracted to you.
She was much younger, and now they're back together,
and they've been together for seven months now,
and it's going towards marriage, right?
Crazy stuff, crazy stuff.
I had a client who went to a funeral in her hometown,
and on her way out of town,
when she was leaving town from the funeral,
she stopped at a Starbucks and ran into a boy
from her high school class at Starbucks,
and now they're in their 60s, you guys.
And his wife passed away years ago,
she's divorced, she's been divorced for 20 years,
and he told her, he's like,
I can't believe I'm running into you,
that you're here in town.
He's like, I had the biggest crush on you in high school,
I would love to take you to dinner.
She's like, come on, what?
So I don't know who that's for,
that maybe someone that you never gave a chance to,
never even thought about giving a chance to,
that you knew in a former life, so to speak,
maybe they'll be circling back around.
What is that called?
That's called supernatural.
Supernatural.
So let's not take the supernatural
out of our love stories, okay?
We can only do what we can do,
and we're here to do our part,
and we expect God to do his part, amen?
All right, so let's stop reminiscing about things,
because if those things have any, any good stuff
attached to them, God will bring them full circle,
like he has for these people.
Otherwise, it's time to let go of the past
and walk into the future.
All right, who's got another question?
Julie, what's your question?
Oh, you already asked it.
Hannah.
I didn't ask it.
Okay, oh, go ahead.
Sorry.
So I've been seeing this guy for about a month now, and.
I keep trying to take it slow, but it's really hard and it's like he wants to be boyfriend
girlfriend I feel like, but I haven't have plenty of like questions as far as I want
to connect spiritually more and I'm trying to like get to know him and see if I see more
potential. Okay, so fill us in how long have you known each other, how many dates,
how close is he local? He's local. It's like the beginning of December and we hang out a few times
a week. Maybe it started off like I was making sure the dates were short and everything
and now it just feels like we're a couple and then I did bring up like a couple weeks in
if we were exclusive or what was going on and so that yeah. Okay, so ladies, so Julie said
something really important. So even when you don't know someone really well, she only met this guy
or started hanging out with him at the beginning of December. It's only the beginning of January,
okay, but you heard what she said. The frequency of their hangouts is a couple times a week.
So when you do that because they're local, you start kind of doing life together,
you start hanging out a couple times a week, seeing each other, you know,
a lot with frequency. It can feel like you've known someone for a whole lot longer, can't it?
Right and so that's what's happening here. There's familiarity that's building up because you're
spending a lot of time together. I know that a lot of women want to have the exclusive conversation
like what are we doing here? Are we seeing other people still? Are we exclusive? Why? Because
they're hanging out a lot, right? Want to have that define the relationship conversation
quickly when that normally wouldn't probably come up until a little bit later in getting to
know someone. But it's fair when you're spending and investing a lot of time and energy into
someone. A lot of men don't even think of that. They think of the fact that, hey,
is there anything romantic that's happened here? Any kissing, hugging, holding hands?
You're muted. Yeah, yes. Okay. Yeah. So yeah, obviously, you know, you're this person's
girlfriend. You know, ladies, one thing that will escalate you or will accelerate you is the word I
want, accelerate you from level two to level three of relationship is romance. So holding hands,
snuggling, kissing, you know, that automatically, of course, making out automatically that escalates
the situation because it's about the risk factor, the investment factor. It's about all of those
things. And so we don't want to, we have to, you know, we have to be exclusive with that person
unless, you know, unless it was a moment of weakness and you were lonely on New Year's
Eve and you made out with some person that you never intend on dating. Obviously, that's not
a level three relationship. Don't try to make it in one. Just go ahead and say, you know what, Lord,
help me, you know, help me to not give into this kind of stuff and to keep walking forward to the
person that you have for me. So you don't want to try to make that into a relationship just because
you made out with this person. All right. But normally, if you are seeing someone and then it
starts getting romantic, then you need to make a decision right then. Am I getting romantic with
this person because I'm lonely and it feels good? Or does this person really have potential
to be a exclusive relationship? And if the answer is yes, then you're exclusive because you're
already having that romantic contact. And if the answer is no, that you're really just lonely and,
you know, and just kind of love the one you're with kind of thing, then you want to go ahead
and cut that off as soon as possible. All right. Don't have friends with benefits, ladies. Let's
not do that. So Julie, the answer to your question is, is that if you're feeling rushed now that you
guys have, you know, been spending so much time together over the course of just four weeks,
you know, it's hard to put the brakes on, but you can. It's hard, ladies. It can be offensive,
but you can. And this is where we're going to see whether or not this man is mature enough to
handle that. We definitely don't want to get involved with someone way too quickly and get
blinded to all of the, they don't have to be red flags, but just to all the incompatibilities
simply because we spent so much time together and now we're getting romantic. So you want to
pull back and kind of get some clarity. And the way you're going to pull back is instead of hanging
out a couple of times a week, you know, why not only hang out one time a week? You're like, Hey,
you know, in the new year, as we're getting to know each other, I feel like we're kind of rushing
things here. I still, you know, I want to hang out. I'm, I'm, I'm definitely interested, but I want
to make sure that, you know, we're, we're going at a healthy pace and the bottom doesn't fall out
of this. Can you communicate with this man? Is he a good communicator?
Yeah, I bring up, I bring up things, I don't know how much it comes across into like the
action I want to see, but like I'm saying things and he's, I don't know, I'm more of
like an actions are louder than words person.
Okay.
So what pace do you think is going to make you feel comfortable as you guys see if this
thing can grow, what do you, what do you want?
My biggest thing is I want to be more on this.
I want to see more of spiritual hunger for God.
It's just hard for me right now.
How are you going to, okay.
Is this guy believer?
Does he have a spiritual community?
He grew up Catholic and I don't, he doesn't sound like he goes weekly to church.
Just sometimes he's been to church kind of a thing.
Okay.
But you're all magically involved with him and exclusive right now.
So is that something?
He's come with me to my church.
It was good.
It was different.
We, my church took a couple of weeks break with the holidays.
So I guess I'll see if he comes back, wants to come back or whatever.
Yeah.
You know, listen, spiritual compatibility is super important.
I will tell you that, you know, we have had one divorce in our community of that 600 plus
success stories.
And the reason why they got divorced ladies full disclosure is because this man was, you
know, he, it was a whirlwind romance.
He had a really great career.
I believe he's a dentist.
He was, you know, she had him doing a devotional with her.
All, all these things are her idea of course, had him doing a devotional with her every
day, you know, and he was, you know, going dirt church with her and all the things.
And then as soon as they got married, he stopped doing all that stuff because it wasn't in
his heart to do it.
And then he felt nagged and badgered by her when he couldn't keep up that level of spirituality
because she wanted that from him.
And he was willing to give it to her to get the pooty.
All right, let's just be honest.
That's what's up.
And then he wasn't willing to sustain that or couldn't sustain it because he doesn't
actually have a relationship with God.
And so ladies, we want to be watching out for that.
If you think that men will not go to church with you in order to get the coochie, you're
wrong.
You are wrong.
They 100% will.
I've seen it time and time and time and time again.
So how do we have that information and still be God defended and not put up a guard to
really maybe a good man who's growing in his spirituality and didn't really have a chance
to develop that earlier in his life?
You got to be discerning.
You got to see, you know, if, if it's you spoon feeding him continuously, you know,
Julie, instead of you, when church is back in session, instead of you saying, Hey, going
to go to church with me, you know, let him, let him decide whether he's going to do that
or not.
Okay.
Let it be his idea to come and spend that.
You say he spends a couple of days a week with you or, you know, you see him a couple
times a week, you know, instead of trying to get him to go to church with you, see if,
if he's interested in doing that and you need to let him know just upfront, Hey, um, if
that, if that doesn't happen and you don't see him pursuing anything like that in this
new year, then you're going to have to have the conversation where, you know, we're compatible
on a lot of levels, but I really want this in someone that I'm going to, you know, spend
my life with.
I want, I want this and see what his reaction to that is.
And also look for other areas of his life where, you know, um, where there's fruit ladies.
There's a lot of men out there that they did have.
They did have a, um, uh, a moment of conversion where Holy Spirit came into their life and
is leading and guiding them and they don't even know it.
For instance, let me tell you this.
I really feel led to say this.
My little brother, we have a different dad.
Okay.
Um, he was born when I was 14 years old and I went to live in the girl's home like right
after he was born.
So he was born to my mother and her last husband she had before she passed away.
She was still married to his dad when she passed away.
Okay.
His dad was a Catholic.
My mom grew up Pentecostal.
His dad was Catholic and not a practicing Catholic.
Okay.
They had a hard marriage.
They did all the way up to my mom's passing.
They had a hard marriage.
Her husband finally became like a really strong believer at the end of her life when she was
sick.
in a non-denominational church, you know, he opened himself up to the Holy Spirit, you
know, he started reading the Bible every day.
He started praying for her.
My mom got that at the very end of her life.
Okay.
She was 63 when she passed away.
Their son together that was born when I was 14 years old, when he was nine years old,
I babysat him and I took him to church with me and he received the baptism of the Holy
Spirit.
Holy Spirit moved on him, for those of you that are, you know, charismatic people, you
understand what I'm saying, and he rushed up to that altar.
He gave his life to Jesus.
He got baptized with the Holy Spirit.
He even got his prayer language and spoken tongues at nine years old.
When his parents, my mom and his dad, got back from their vacation, his dad went ballistic
when he found out.
My brother John said, dad, dad, guess what happened to me?
His dad said I could never watch him again, didn't want me to have anything to do with
him.
Remember, he grew up Catholic.
That was confusing to him.
He didn't want anything to do with any of that.
That was weird.
That was psycho cult stuff.
Fast forward.
My brother, that little boy is 36 years old right now.
And can I tell you what?
He has so much fruit of the Spirit in his life.
Oh my goodness.
So much kindness, so much patience, because Holy Spirit's with him.
But he doesn't go to church, y'all, because he had that trauma with his dad when he was
nine years old.
But he's marked by heaven.
So you guys see what I'm talking about?
You can run into these people that have had these experiences.
They've had these conversions, Holy Spirit's with them.
They're being led by the Spirit, and they don't even know it.
So we can't count people out.
We really have to pay attention.
So now my little brother is pursuing his faith, because his dad is saved now too.
But in all those years where he felt like he really couldn't pursue charismatic faith
or really couldn't pursue the experience that he had had in his life, he still was really
exhibiting a lot of morality and a lot of following after the Spirit and a lot of fruit
of the Spirit.
So I just want to put that out there for you guys, because you might come across the path,
as God is writing your love story, with someone that they don't really fit your criteria on
the outside.
But don't be a gift inspector, be a fruit inspector, because they might be one of these
people like my little brother, who's a grown man, who is marked by heaven because of experiences
that they've had that they wouldn't necessarily share with you, because they wouldn't think
it was pertinent.
You know what I'm saying?
My brother's not going to share that experience he had when he was nine years old with someone
that he doesn't know, especially.
And so it's important that we keep this in mind.
All right.
So I feel like that was a Holy Spirit moment for all of us.
But ladies, on the converse, please don't write stories about someone's spirituality
that are not true just because you like them so much and you want them to be spiritual
or you want them to be someone who's interested in following Christ.
Don't do that either.
Don't missionary date.
Remember that we used to hear about that.
Don't missionary date.
Okay.
Yeah.
You don't want to try to save someone, but you also want to look for fruit because you
guys, hopefully you know this, but the fruit of the spirit, go read about it in Galatians.
You can't get it through the flesh.
So someone really exhibits true kindness and true empathy and true patience.
And you know, if they exhibit these things, true love, if they have just someone said
to me the other day, I introduced them to a guy and they said, man, he's just such a
peaceful person.
He has so much peace about him.
If they exhibit that stuff, that's not coming from the world.
Okay.
Done.
I want to get Hannah's question real quick.
I'm curious, Jackie, my two year long distance relationship ended almost two weeks ago.
Okay.
I was either ready to move toward engagement or move on.
And I made the clear that clear a couple of months ago.
So it wasn't a complete shock.
Okay.
So Hannah, I'm going to dial back with you.
So you had a two year long distance relationship.
How many times were you guys together in person?
And you basically gave them an ultimatum.
We either move on towards engagement by 2024 or it's time to break up.
And so you broke up with him.
Yes, ma'am.
All right.
So we were in person together about 10 times.
And a lot of those, majority of those were over a weekend together because we were six
and a half hours away.
And then some of those times were longer.
Okay.
Did he ever give you any indication of why after two years and 10 weekends together,
he wasn't ready to commit?
No.
Yes and no. I was very clear from the beginning. Well, we were very clear from the beginning
No.
that we were intentionally dating to ideally lead towards marriage. And sorry, I just had
my daughter and her friend walk in. Can you? Yeah, I'll start reminding me of the question.
Maybe you have anything now. I just I just want to know what made you hang on for two years. That's
what we all want to know. Because that's a long time to be in a long distance relationship.
I think that we got so I guess emotionally attached really quickly from the beginning.
And we talked every day, literally from the beginning for the first six months,
we actually didn't meet for six months. And looking back, like, like, why did I,
you know, allow that? But that's, you know, hindsight. So I don't know, I guess we both
were, you know, he has four older boys, I have a little girl. And I think that at the time,
we were both thinking if we're going to do this, like we wanted to be really sure about it. So we
did just really take our time getting to know each other and then meeting and so on and so on.
Okay, so you're basically saying that this guy has a shared parenting agreement and he cannot
relocate? Correct. Okay, ladies, please, please do not, you know, cause yourself this kind of heartache.
If you are, if you're a mom, and you have a shared parenting agreement, and you cannot
do not start a long distance relationship with anyone that cannot. Unfortunately, I know we're
like, these are strangers, we can't ask personal questions. If they can't relocate, it's see you
bye. All right. I do not have one. Sorry, I didn't make that clear. And my daughter's passed away
in about two and a half years ago. So okay, we are able to but he could not for, you know,
several more years, because as young as were you, were you willing to relocate to his city?
I was and we had that conversation after the first time we met after we made things official.
Okay, so and ladies that still stands. Okay, we have lots of people that you know, Hannah's
situation's different. She's a widow. And I'm sorry, I'm sorry to hear that. And I know you
probably were divorced when he passed away, it sounds like but still. Oh, but he's he's not on
the earth. So you have nothing holding you back, which means that you locate but we do have people
get into relationships with people and fall in love with them and then no one can move. And y'all
that is rough. So let's not do that. Hannah, there's got to be more to the story. I mean,
you know, you guys are dating for two years. There's nothing stopping you. Was your personality
was your was your daughter's father already passed away when you started this relationship?
Yes, ma'am. For like, okay, eight, six, seven, eight months, something like that. But we were
not together. We had nothing to do with it. No, what I'm saying was, is from the very beginning,
you were able to relocate is all that I'm trying to ascertain here. So yeah, there has to be more
to the story. I have no idea what it is. You know, you guys, here's the other thing about
long distance is that, you know, she saw this guy 10 times in two years, you know,
she was six and a half hours away from him. People can have double lives, they can have,
you know, they can have other things that they're not sharing with us. I mean,
honestly, Hannah doesn't add up. It doesn't. So was this I mean, you don't have to share it here
if you don't want to. But was this a sexual relationship? No, ma'am. So what is he getting
from you? See what I'm saying? So it's a situation where it's like, Hmm, why? Why are we keeping this
strung along? Like you said, there's an emotional situation happening. That obviously fulfills a
certain part of us. But when you broke up with him, did you do a clean cut? Has he contacted
you since the breakup? We had actually I had tried, um, you know, basically saying what I
said that I was ready to move toward engagement or move on a couple different times. And he did
not handle those very well. So we more or less broke up a couple times in the fall. And it was,
you know, him coming back around saying, I'm sorry, I'm ready to X, Y, Z, I miss you. Like,
I want to be together. I want to make whatever, whatever. And so that happened. Well, my last
Um, about three weeks or so ago, I was kind of just like, I, like, I can't do this anymore.
Like you're not taking steps forward.
This is beyond frustrating for me.
It has been for a long time and he, um, he was, but he's like, not trying to hear it.
Like he was like, you know, I'd already planned on coming out there to meet
your family for Christmas, blah, blah, blah.
And so.
Has he, he never met your family?
No, ma'am.
He never did.
Oh, wow.
Okay.
Well, I was just looking at your Facebook page while you were talking.
You're about as cute as you can be.
Thank you.
Okay.
And obviously sweet as you can be and girl, you gotta move forward.
Yeah.
Not entertain this man anymore.
Okay.
Yeah, not at all.
The fact that you've been together for two years and he's not met your family.
That in itself is a red flag for me.
Yeah.
That's the red one.
And so, and I understand, and ladies, it's so easy to, you know, make really
strong emotional connections with people.
Okay.
It is really easy to do that.
So let's not do it.
Let's not, let's reserve those emotional depths for people who can handle
swimming in those depths with us and who want to make us their person.
Okay.
They can't have their take and eat it too.
We're not going to, we're not going to do that.
So I know it's difficult, especially for women to, um, have, um, you know, more
surface conversations to not get super deep in conversations and not to become
codependent because we've been, here's the reason why it's so difficult for
women to not become codependent.
We were created for man.
We were the solution to the first problem on earth.
Man should not be solitary.
He should exist not in one part, but in two parts.
Okay.
And community, just like father, son, and Holy spirit exists in community, man,
woman, and child.
We exist in community.
We exist in family.
It's God's way.
It's the best way.
It is his divine design.
And so, because God is the glory of man and woman is the glory, God is the glory.
I'm sorry, man is the glory of God and woman is the glory of man.
You know, you'll find very few women with a gift of singleness.
Very, very, very few women.
I don't even want to use the word gift because it actually is the charisma of
singleness.
Very few women have the empowerment from heaven to be content single outside of
marriage and family.
Okay.
Very few people have that charisma from heaven.
You might have it for a little season while you're healing your heart.
You might have it for a season while you're young and you're figuring out who
you are, but most women are going to go towards marriage and family eventually.
They're going to, cause they have the gift to be married.
Okay.
They have the charisma to be married, not to be single.
And so that being said, because we were created to be that help mate, it's very
easy for us to lose ourselves in a man.
And that's why we're here to teach you how to do that in a healthy way.
You're going to do that, but you got to do it with the right person who's ready
to have you, you know, and cover you in that way.
Makes sense.
Women's empowerment of our generation and our culture tells us that we're
supposed to never lose ourself into a relationship.
Well, that's not what God says.
God says that the two shall become one.
What does that mean?
That means y'all are going to lose each other.
You're going to lose yourselves in each other.
You're going to blend.
You're going to become that threefold cord.
That's not easily broken.
You're going to into me.
See, you're going to become interdependent in a way that is going to
if it's healthy, a lot of people will think that you're, you know,
way too overly involved.
The trick is, is not to do it too soon and not to do it based on deficits.
If you didn't have a daddy, don't go looking for a daddy out
there on the, on the dating apps.
Okay.
If your first husband was a verbal abuser, don't go falling in love with
every Casanova who's got a smooth tongue.
Do you see what I'm saying?
Do not pick based on your deficits.
That's why we're here to do the hard work together.
And we're here to show each other our blind spots and filters so that you
don't go hook, line and sinker into a situation that isn't going to go forward.
So Hannah, what we got to guard with for you, and it always happens.
He's going to circle back around.
You guys have a strong soul tie.
If you think that you're going to lose yourself in each other, you're going to
have a strong soul tie.
If you think this is the last you've heard of him, it isn't.
And hopefully, yeah, well, no, not at all.
Especially looking the way you look.
All right.
Just no, I mean, you guys, it's valid.
It's valid.
Okay.
And so, um, you're going to have to make a decision.
Okay.
With the Lord, um, how much more of your.
life, you're willing to invest in this because this man, he's been stringing
you along for two years.
He's not met your family.
He has done nothing.
And here's the thing that you guys need to know about men.
They do what they want to do.
And if they're in love, heaven and earth will not stop them.
Okay.
Unless you've had a man drive cross town during rush hour, took him two hours to
get to your work just to bring you a Starbucks coffee and you on your 15
minute break, you ain't seen what love looks like, right?
That's what men do when they are in love six and a half hours.
And there's nothing stopping you from relocating.
But after two years, this man has not proposed and made you his wife.
Hasn't met your parents.
Hasn't met your father.
Hasn't asked for your hand, you know, no.
Have you met his family?
I have.
Yeah.
You've met his family.
He hasn't met yours.
So he did not invest in the relationship and you broke up with him.
And guess what?
He doesn't believe you.
He doesn't.
The codependency is so strong here.
The soul tie is so strong.
He doesn't believe you.
What he thinks is going to happen is, you know, you're going to guys are going to
get back together and he's going to continue to have whatever he's getting
out of this relationship.
You know what I want to ask these men?
Where's your sex drive at?
You addicted to porn?
Like what's going on?
Because, you know, if you're a man that is, you know, yes, men do sexually peak
in their twenties, but if you're a man who's in his thirties and forties, who
has this hot woman, um, that you could relocate and make your wife, um, but
you're not, and it's taken you over two years and you're still not, then, you
know, what are you doing with your sex drive?
Where is, where are you doing?
Where is it?
Where is it going?
What are you doing with your daily erections?
What are you doing with them?
And I asked my male clients that what are you doing with your daily erections?
I'm sorry, ladies, we got to know.
What are you doing with them?
You know, are you praying through them, sir?
Or, or do you have an unhealthy relationship with pornography or bikini
models on Instagram or whatever?
Masturbation just in general, because you guys, one of the things that drive men to
find wives is their sex drive.
That's why we call it a sex drive.
And so if a man has a woman who's in love with him, you know, that he is physically
attracted to, that he's not making his wife, something is not adding up.
Do you agree with me?
Yes, I will say that he was the one, he ended up coming for, um, the weekend
before Christmas and he stayed with us in a separate room for a handful of
nights and the Thursday morning while my daughter was at school, he packed up his
things, clocked out of work because he works remotely and didn't say anything to
me until he was almost completely packed up to literally leave.
Um, whether that was to drive back home to Oklahoma or go to Florida to see his
family for the holidays, I don't know.
Um, and his words, I, you know, I was like in shock.
Um, because I was in my bedroom while he was doing this and I asked him if he was
leaving and he was like, yeah, he was like, uh, he was like, there's just this block
that I just can't let you in any, any deeper.
And I was like, yeah, I know I've, I've been able to feel it for a long time.
And he was like, I don't know what it is.
I've, I've tried praying about it.
I've tried journaling, blah, blah, blah.
Um, but he was like, there's just like this tangible block that I, you know, y'all
deserve someone who can let you in fully.
And I just can't, he's like, it's been two years.
I've wanted this to work.
Um, but you know, it's been two years of my time too.
Okay.
So here's the thing, Hannah, this man just told you with his own words that he
cannot love you the way that you need to be loved.
He cannot let you in.
He packed his stuff very symbolic and he left.
Okay.
And he didn't even let you in on that until, cause he'd already made the
decision he's firm in the decision.
And then he left.
And so this is what you got to do.
You got to believe him at his words.
You can't keep thinking he's going to change his mind or, you know, he's going
to go do the work that he needs to do to let you in, that's all on him.
And you need to help him in his decision.
Because it sounds like even though he told you what you needed to do,
he's still shocked that you did it.
Okay.
And we're not going to play any games here.
And so what you need to do is you need to lose his number, honey.
And I know it's going to be hard and we'll hold you accountable, but you need
to, you need to go ahead and block him.
Yeah.
Ladies, I just want to let you know, if you're ever trying to get rid of a soul
tie and you're not willing to do it.
to block them on all your devices and block their social media, then you're not really serious.
Okay? Because as long as that channel of communication is open, the enemy of progress
in your life is going to make sure that they use that. In one moment of nostalgia and weakness,
they're going to start the whole thing all over again. Got to bless them and block them, ladies.
So Hannah, that's what you got to do. If you want 2024 to be your last year single,
then you're not going to walk around this mountain anymore with this guy. Okay?
And right now he's saying, Oh, you know what? It's not, it's not you. It's me.
But I'm telling you, there's a lot more to that. And I know he made it sound really romantic and
almost tragic. Like I just can't let you in. There's more to this story, honey.
I don't know what it is. And neither do you. Cause he lives six and a half hours away,
but he never met your parents. Cause he probably thought he was going to get struck by lightning
if he went that far. And so the bottom line is, is you got to let him go.
I know what I'm talking about. I've seen a lot of these scenarios,
right? And I'm very much pro man. So I would never say that just to say it.
So we're going to help you. You're going to do it. You're going to, you know,
your kids aren't overly involved with him. That's good. You only seen each other 10 times.
Cool. Bless him and block him. Make sure he cannot get ahold of you. All right.
I know it's going to be hard. You're gonna have a lot of weak moments.
And that's what we're here for. And guess what? I think it'll be a very short amount of time
before Mr. Wright crosses your path. If you're serious about this. And I had a student that
really was in a situationship for a long time, like you, when she finally surrendered the pen
to God, stopped trying to make this thing happen. That wasn't going to happen. And she did exactly
what I'm talking right now. She cut off all communication. She blocked. She actually met,
she, she actually met somebody. Okay. And so we're believing that for you.
It's time. You'd never been married. God wants that for you. He wants, you know,
he wants that for you. All right. Let me ask this. Let me get to these other questions. We have about
20 more minutes here. Erica said that happened to her too. It is heartbreaking for sure.
Okay. Someone else said they had a question, but I don't know where you went now.
Anybody else have a question? I have a question. It's Rita. Okay, Rita. Hey. So in 2021, I did
get on online and I had met, you know, a person and I was talking to them and then I'd guess that,
you know, obviously at that time I just wasn't really ready to date or whatever. So I would
just randomly talk to people. And we ended up exchanging phone numbers. And then I think I just,
I don't know if it's, I just lost interest. Cause you know, obviously at that time I kind of felt
like, oh, well they're not pursuing me and they're not, you know, and it was like, well, if I
responded, they would respond. Or if I reached out, they would, you know, and it was fine.
Conversation was fine. So I got to know him a little bit. Here it is. Fast forward 23. I think
I got online. I want to say in November and here he is online again. And so we reconnected because
I had already talked to him previously. We, you know, I, I do know he goes to church. I do know
he's saved. And I think he's been single for a couple of years. And so I do know a little bit
about his history, but that's about it. I never met him in person or anything like that. And so
he did ask for to meet up this time. Like, when are you going to allow me to take you out? And I
said, well, I'm going on vacation. So I will be back on the 30th. So should I reach out?
Okay. So, sorry. I was just listening to that backstory. So you're saying that the last
communication that you had with him is he wanted to take you out. You had to take a rain check
because you were going on vacation. You're going to be back on the 30th, but you haven't heard from
him since you were back. Yes. Let him know you're back. Okay. Sounds good. Yep. And let's go from
there. Okay. Thank you. The reason why that's appropriate is because he asked her and she had
to take a rain check. If you have to take a rain check, then you're the person that needs to
instigate that rain check. Understand? Okay. Now, if he flakes out and doesn't pick up the
hanky when she drops it and doesn't, you know, you know, re-invite, you know, doesn't remake plans,
then she can move on. All right.
And ladies, I always want to tell you something about men, especially modern men. You know,
it's not like the olden days where, you know, a boy called you up in the 1950s on your parents'
home telephone number.
like shared party line and ask for the privilege and honor to take you to the tasty freeze or
whatever. Like he already had plans of where to take you and let you know what kind of money
situation he had. That's what they would even, they would even do. I saw a video the other day
of how to ask a girl out in the fifties and it was acted out by, you know, it was, it was a video
from the fifties, you know, that they would show in school to kids on how to date properly. Okay.
It's not like that anymore. It isn't. It's not. So if you have been out with someone more than
one time, don't plan, don't, don't make, don't feel like he's less masculine if he's not planning
out the dates and where you're going to go. He doesn't know what you like. He doesn't know you
help brother out. Okay. Make some suggestions. If he said, Hey, I'd love to see you again.
Be like, Hey, yeah, let's check out that new art installation. Or, you know, I,
if it's summertime, I, you know what, I love to, I love to go down to the park and,
you know, to the greenbelt walk. Would you like to do that? Like, you know, help.
Okay. This is not the princess and the pea. You're not sitting around with your little bonbons
waiting to be served. Cause you're the queen. No. All right.
My husband and I, our first date, it didn't happen. It wasn't a date from the beginning.
He was my neighbor, as you guys know, and I broke my phone and I was buying a front,
a phone off Craigslist. You guys remember Craigslist? So I was, I was essentially buying
a phone from a stranger off an internet want ads. And, um, I, I, I asked him,
and, um, I, I, I asked him to go with me. Like I went next door and knocked on his door. I was
like, Hey, I was like, I'm going to go buy a phone off of stranger from Craigslist. You think
you can go with me? I just wanted someone to go with me. And he went with me. And then on the way
back from doing that, we stopped at a Mexican restaurant and had dinner together. So our first
date kind of just happened sort of impromptu. Right. Yeah. By the way, men love to help us.
So if you know a man that you're interested in, ask him to help you with something.
I'm not saying like, ask him to like, to build you a house or something.
Um, but like ask him to help you with something, ask him to, you know,
if you're starting to know a guy and you've been out a few times and you got something
around your apartment or your house that needs fixed, ask him, Hey, are you handy?
Do you think you could come and, you know, fix this? Whatever. That's super sexy. And they love
to do it. And most men are handy. And if he's not handy, he'll just say, Oh yeah, I'm not handy.
And then you'll just think to yourself, Hmm, I don't know if I want to marry, you know?
Hmm. All right. You guys. Um, so I have a, by the way, ladies, men are very motivated at the
beginning of the year. There's a lot of men out there that are single and ready to mingle. They're
really motivated. They're tired of being lonely, just like you are. They're out there and they're
motivated. So please keep that in mind. You know what, you know how I know? Cause there's lots of
men joining my men's challenge right now. Woo. All right. So let's take, we, I'm going to get
off at five to, um, uh, one 30. So if we could take one more question, because I do have a
coaching call at one 30. Uh, so is it sunny? Is that sunny? Is that how you say your name?
Yes. Um, yeah, my question is, um, I've, uh, been a missionary,
feel called to missions. That still feels like a dream of my heart is just to be,
uh, continue to be, um, on the mission field on and off. And so, um, yeah, my question is just
like, I, I feel like I have really, um, held that as a standard and, and not let men in that don't,
I did that. I don't feel that have that calling. Um, but it's hard to find men that do. Um, so
yeah, it just is, is it that I'm being too picky in that or, or how, how does that look for dating?
Um, when I'm really, when I'm looking for that, but I don't want to be too particular or,
or limit God and what he wants to do in that. Well, we've had a lot of missionaries come through
our program, both men and women. So I've had a lot of time to walk this answer out with people.
Okay. So you're not the first person to ask this question. Um, you're probably the 50th person to
ask this question. And so, first of all, there was a word that God gave me back when we started
this. And he said that, you know, um, uh, he is making matches and, uh, that he is missionaries
were going to be getting married. Right. So
people that have sacrificed the domestic life
to go on foreign fields, that they, a lot of them,
we've had a lot of missionaries get married
through our program because God has highlighted them.
That being said, I will tell you that none of them
have married other missionaries, okay,
meaning people with missions experience.
And so I think that it's important to understand
that while you have done certain missions work in the past
and you may not believe that that season of your life
is over, just really surrendering that pen to God,
not just in your marriage, but also in the missions work
and letting it unfold and be whatever it is that God,
it'll be different if you were, you know,
joining us from a foreign field right now.
I have one girl who's a medical missionary in Iraq,
you know, so anyone who wants to marry her
would have to move there because that's where she's at.
She's not back, you know, in the States,
she's not stateside and she doesn't plan
on coming back to stateside
unless God would call her back here.
So, you know, you're a missionary
who's in between mission assignments.
And so right now, if you just open up,
because just like when God called you to missions,
it kind of happened in a moment, right?
The same is true of other people,
especially Christ followers,
people who are truly following Christ.
Like I'm not a missionary, like in the traditional sense
of it, like in the foreign land sense of it,
but at any moment, God could call me to that, why?
Because I've already given him my yes for everything.
So what you want is you want a man
who's given God his yes, just in general,
not someone who's a missionary, right?
So that's really what you want to look for.
You want to look for someone
who's really sold out to Jesus.
I don't think you could be married to anyone
who's not like that because of, you know,
the calling on your life and someone who's just willing
to go wherever God leads them.
And you guys, there's a lot,
most all Christians should be that way.
You guys, we should all be that way.
Just like, here I am, Lord, send me.
And then sometimes God's like, well, somebody's got to stay.
And you're like, okay, I'll stay too.
I'm that person.
When everyone else had their shoes in the air
at the conferences, like Isaiah, you know,
who will go send me, put your shoes in the air,
say, God, I will go, I will go.
I wanted to put my shoes in the air,
but practically speaking, I was like,
well, you know, Lord, everyone else is going,
so someone's got to stay.
And I'm fully willing to go, but who's going to stay?
And so here I am, right?
Helping revive family in America.
And we are actually going to nations.
You guys, I got invited to come
and speak in Africa this year.
And so this year in the fall, I will be going to Africa.
And that will be my first, besides Italy and Portugal,
that will be my first overseas trip.
So does that, Sunny, that answered your question, right?
Yes, thank you so much.
You're welcome.
Jennifer, what about you?
You had your hand up.
I know, yeah, thank you.
I just noticed that I've been eating a lot lately
and it's because I couldn't say no
to the guy that I was dating.
And so my response is I'll eat a lot so that I become ugly.
It's like, I know, I don't know how to break that.
Well, you break it by only eating what you want to eat
and what you should eat when you want to eat.
And here's the thing, ladies,
is that we're not going to sabotage ourselves
to try to do anything with a man,
whether to get him not to like us, to get him to like us.
In fact, your spirit mate is only going to be attracted
to you when you're being your real self.
And so I want to encourage all of you to understand
that if there are any counterfeits that you're dealing with
or any, like Jennifer's talking about,
like trauma response patterns,
we want to go ahead and nip those in the bud, don't we?
We want to nip those in the bud.
And then if you're a people pleaser
who can't say no to someone,
we definitely want to get to the root of that.
What is causing us, hold on one second.
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
Okay, sorry, someone's just wandering around in my front yard.
I'm looking for something, sorry about that, ladies.
So, if there's a people-pleasing thing, right?
And Jennifer, you know, that might come from culture
that you've been raised around,
where, you know, you don't get to do what you want,
you get to do what everyone else tells you that you want.
You know, it's important to break free from that
because you definitely don't want that dynamic in marriage.
You know, that will attract the wrong type of man,
the type of man who, you know,
wants a woman to be subservient.
You guys, the words submit and subservient,
those are not the same words.
You know how subservient has the word servient in it, right?
Servant in it, we don't want to mistake.
The word submit is also used in the word of God
as submitting in love to one another, okay?
The word submit, when it's used in accordance with marriage,
has to do with trusting, okay?
It has to do with trusting and respecting.
It doesn't have to do with being lorded over.
And so it's important that we understand that, right?
And the first admonition is to men to love their wives
like Christ loved the church and gave his life for it.
So that's a selfless, sacrificing man
who puts his wife and his family and their needs first.
And it's very easy to respect and honor
and trust a man like that.
And there's the word submit.
Oh, so Jennifer, we want to get to that.
That's what we're going to work on in this program with you
is that you cannot be a toxic people pleaser, okay?
It's easier to say no to someone
than to try to make yourself fat
so that they won't want you anymore.
That's silly talk, right?
That's silly talk, we don't want that.
All right.
That's instinctive, but thank you.
All right, but yes, but listen,
people pleasing tendencies and a lot of women have them.
They were raised to believe
that women just do what they're told, right?
And so it's important that we get to the roots of that
because that is not the divine, I'm sorry,
the divine masculine and divine feminine
are equal in God's eyes.
They're different but equal
as far as in autonomy and decision.
We've all been given the free will, the power of choice.
We've all been given that, not just men.
Thank you.
Awesome.
All right, ladies, well, I bless you.
I'm excited.
You guys, we have a prophesy your year special event coming.
We're bringing in Lindsay Ryman from Bethel Reading.
She's been with us three times now to do this session.
It's very powerful.
It lasts for two hours.
It's gonna be on Sunday, the 7th, January 7th
at 4.30 Pacific, that's 7.30 Central.
And I guess that would be 8.30, wait, 4.30.
That would be 7.30, 6.30 Central and 7.30 Eastern.
It's very powerful.
You basically will be able to press into the heart of God
for every month of the new year.
What is God prophetically saying to you?
There are breakout sessions.
You will have prophetic prayer partners.
You'll have a different one for every month.
It's a very supernatural time.
I've used my prophesy the year calendar
to really chart my course for the new year
with very accurate results.
So if you've never done that session,
you're gonna wanna do that session.
It is a special bonus session.
So it has its own fee connected to it.
It's $45.
It does come with replay if you can't be there live.
Just wanted to let you guys know that
because I think that's the next event
that you guys have coming
because that's this coming Sunday.
Of course, there's Supernatural Sunday,
Supernatural Saturday, and there is Sunday activation
at the same time as that prophesy your year event
for the people that do not wanna go to that.
So we'll still have Sunday night activation.
But other than that, we'll see you guys next Tuesday.
Make sure you're showing up in your group,
you're sharing your experiences, you're posting.
The coaches in that group, the dating coaches
will give you feedback if you need accountability,
if you need anything.
Make sure you're posting in that group.
And then for those of you that are moving on to phase three,
go ahead and email admin at JackieDorman.com
if you didn't get access to your portal,
we'll get that straightened out, okay?
All right, love y'all, blessings, happy new year.
Come on.
See you soon, bye-bye.