WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.920 This is the top of the hour. 2 00:00:01.920 --> 00:00:06.920 So I'm so excited to be here with you guys. 3 00:00:07.240 --> 00:00:10.960 You are in phase two, Love Story Accelerator. 4 00:00:10.960 --> 00:00:14.140 Some of you have just joined us for the first time. 5 00:00:14.140 --> 00:00:16.700 Some of you have been here for a few weeks. 6 00:00:17.800 --> 00:00:21.600 And so what we like to do on Tuesday nights is, 7 00:00:22.920 --> 00:00:24.680 Bethany and I pay attention to everything 8 00:00:24.680 --> 00:00:26.200 that you guys are putting in the chat, 9 00:00:26.200 --> 00:00:28.120 questions that are coming up. 10 00:00:28.120 --> 00:00:31.600 And she is a genius at summarizing some themes 11 00:00:31.600 --> 00:00:33.640 of what we're gonna kind of go over. 12 00:00:33.640 --> 00:00:36.680 So I usually spend the front part 13 00:00:36.680 --> 00:00:39.040 going over some housekeeping, 14 00:00:39.040 --> 00:00:41.000 some themes that are coming up 15 00:00:41.000 --> 00:00:44.280 and giving just some reminder teachings for y'all. 16 00:00:44.280 --> 00:00:47.320 And then the show, the floor is yours. 17 00:00:47.320 --> 00:00:50.640 And so this is a chance for you guys to come in. 18 00:00:50.640 --> 00:00:54.720 And so consider this like small group coaching, really. 19 00:00:54.720 --> 00:00:56.960 And it's a wonderful opportunity 20 00:00:56.960 --> 00:00:59.780 for you to ask good questions, share a story with us, 21 00:00:59.780 --> 00:01:01.000 let us hold you accountable. 22 00:01:01.000 --> 00:01:04.000 There are like three people who owe us a dating update 23 00:01:04.000 --> 00:01:06.120 and I'm so excited to hear about them. 24 00:01:06.120 --> 00:01:07.640 And you guys, you learn from listening 25 00:01:07.640 --> 00:01:09.360 to other people's stories. 26 00:01:09.360 --> 00:01:11.760 Because sometimes like, I used to love that. 27 00:01:11.760 --> 00:01:14.360 Like when I used to go see a one-on-one therapist, 28 00:01:14.360 --> 00:01:16.580 you guys, I was really good at like, 29 00:01:16.580 --> 00:01:19.800 not, I don't wanna say you con the con artist, 30 00:01:19.800 --> 00:01:21.320 you know, like you can, 31 00:01:21.320 --> 00:01:23.200 you know what a therapist wants to hear. 32 00:01:23.200 --> 00:01:25.860 And if you're super smart, you know what to say, right? 33 00:01:25.860 --> 00:01:29.300 But in like a group session, like a 12-step meeting, 34 00:01:29.300 --> 00:01:31.020 you cannot con the con artists. 35 00:01:31.020 --> 00:01:34.580 And so people will call you on your stuff peer to peer 36 00:01:34.580 --> 00:01:37.700 and you also see your behavior in somebody else 37 00:01:37.700 --> 00:01:40.700 and you're like, oh, that's what that looks like? 38 00:01:40.700 --> 00:01:41.740 Oh my goodness. 39 00:01:41.740 --> 00:01:43.860 And so it kind of gives you a window. 40 00:01:43.860 --> 00:01:45.420 And so as you watch other people 41 00:01:45.420 --> 00:01:46.700 and hear other people's stories, 42 00:01:46.700 --> 00:01:48.980 you're gonna see yourself in that story, 43 00:01:48.980 --> 00:01:50.540 but you'll see it with fresh eyes. 44 00:01:50.540 --> 00:01:52.500 And that's why we all learn from one another. 45 00:01:52.500 --> 00:01:54.300 And there's no shame here. 46 00:01:54.300 --> 00:01:55.120 I loved it. 47 00:01:55.120 --> 00:01:56.720 Last week, people were very honest 48 00:01:56.720 --> 00:01:58.280 about the things that they're doing healthy 49 00:01:58.280 --> 00:02:00.320 and about some of the unhealthy choices. 50 00:02:00.320 --> 00:02:02.320 And we're not here to tell you, I told you so. 51 00:02:02.320 --> 00:02:04.680 We're not here to tell you, you guys are awful people. 52 00:02:04.680 --> 00:02:05.920 We're just here to say like, okay, 53 00:02:05.920 --> 00:02:06.960 well, how's that serving you? 54 00:02:06.960 --> 00:02:08.680 Let's learn from that. 55 00:02:08.680 --> 00:02:11.120 And how can we make better choices next time? 56 00:02:11.120 --> 00:02:14.560 You guys, I teach plenty of stuff to you. 57 00:02:14.560 --> 00:02:18.440 And then I can be just as guilty of getting off this call 58 00:02:18.440 --> 00:02:21.080 and going, having a three-hour Zoom date 59 00:02:21.080 --> 00:02:22.120 because he was yummy 60 00:02:22.120 --> 00:02:24.680 and the conversation was just going fabulous. 61 00:02:25.440 --> 00:02:28.480 Who wanted to follow my rule of only one hour? 62 00:02:28.480 --> 00:02:29.560 He's fabulous. 63 00:02:29.560 --> 00:02:32.440 So do not think that we got it all figured out. 64 00:02:32.440 --> 00:02:34.840 That's the beauty of this community. 65 00:02:34.840 --> 00:02:38.600 I also wanna say is if you are watching this in replay 66 00:02:38.600 --> 00:02:40.960 and you feel very disconnected from the community 67 00:02:40.960 --> 00:02:42.320 because you're in another country 68 00:02:42.320 --> 00:02:44.680 and there's no way you can be here at this hour, 69 00:02:44.680 --> 00:02:46.760 we wanna make sure you participate. 70 00:02:46.760 --> 00:02:50.240 So as you watch this replay and questions come up 71 00:02:50.240 --> 00:02:52.480 and you have your own ahas, 72 00:02:52.480 --> 00:02:57.160 we want you to create a post to put in the Facebook feed. 73 00:02:57.160 --> 00:02:58.000 And you're gonna say, 74 00:02:58.000 --> 00:03:01.360 hey, I just watched the replay that Jackie or Renee did. 75 00:03:01.360 --> 00:03:03.320 This was the theme that was discussed. 76 00:03:03.320 --> 00:03:05.600 Here are my questions or here are my ahas 77 00:03:05.600 --> 00:03:07.280 or here's my scenario. 78 00:03:07.280 --> 00:03:09.800 And the team, the coaches will respond to you. 79 00:03:09.800 --> 00:03:13.960 So don't let your distance and not being here live 80 00:03:13.960 --> 00:03:15.520 stop you from participating. 81 00:03:15.520 --> 00:03:18.240 So there is a way for you to participate. 82 00:03:18.240 --> 00:03:20.920 Okay, so just some homework assignments. 83 00:03:20.960 --> 00:03:22.760 Now, most of you also recognize me 84 00:03:22.760 --> 00:03:24.920 from the challenge group too. 85 00:03:24.920 --> 00:03:27.840 So I was one that helped let you in a little while ago. 86 00:03:27.840 --> 00:03:31.120 You all survived phase one, woo-hoo. 87 00:03:31.120 --> 00:03:32.760 And now you're dating 88 00:03:32.760 --> 00:03:35.680 and you're dating like rock stars or not. 89 00:03:35.680 --> 00:03:36.520 And it's all good. 90 00:03:36.520 --> 00:03:37.880 All right, some housekeeping items. 91 00:03:37.880 --> 00:03:41.140 We always try to tell you, don't rush the process. 92 00:03:42.120 --> 00:03:44.480 Y'all, I just started seminary, which is today, 93 00:03:44.480 --> 00:03:47.220 which is like the opposite of like what we're trying to do. 94 00:03:47.540 --> 00:03:51.100 I just got a reading assignment of like 175 pages 95 00:03:51.100 --> 00:03:51.940 by next week. 96 00:03:51.940 --> 00:03:56.940 I'm like, what happened to digesting it? 97 00:03:57.180 --> 00:04:01.340 And so take advantage of this system that says go slow. 98 00:04:01.340 --> 00:04:03.540 Like let the Lord unpack it. 99 00:04:03.540 --> 00:04:05.900 You're gonna, if you're a good reader 100 00:04:05.900 --> 00:04:08.220 and a good watcher of stuff, 101 00:04:08.220 --> 00:04:10.260 you're gonna bang through this stuff really fast. 102 00:04:10.260 --> 00:04:12.940 The hard part is sitting in the process, 103 00:04:12.940 --> 00:04:14.740 letting God speak to you. 104 00:04:14.740 --> 00:04:16.980 And I would definitely say if you're like me 105 00:04:17.740 --> 00:04:18.579 and you came into this program, 106 00:04:18.579 --> 00:04:21.579 you're like, I have been to everything. 107 00:04:21.579 --> 00:04:25.140 I have done 12-step, I've done Celebrate Recovery, 108 00:04:25.140 --> 00:04:28.100 I've done Freedom Training, I've been so-so'd, 109 00:04:28.100 --> 00:04:30.460 I've been to this place, I've been to that place. 110 00:04:30.460 --> 00:04:31.500 Y'all, that was me. 111 00:04:31.500 --> 00:04:33.860 I have been to everything and I have done everything. 112 00:04:33.860 --> 00:04:36.060 And so I know what it's like to kind of come into this 113 00:04:36.060 --> 00:04:38.660 going, I'm just gonna do what Jackie's gonna make me do 114 00:04:38.660 --> 00:04:41.180 for like the next six weeks so that I can get to community 115 00:04:41.180 --> 00:04:43.660 and I can start dating again and all the things. 116 00:04:43.660 --> 00:04:45.860 But I really want you to be open. 117 00:04:45.860 --> 00:04:48.220 Even when I re-watched the videos, 118 00:04:48.220 --> 00:04:51.660 now, years later, I still learn something every time. 119 00:04:51.660 --> 00:04:54.460 Jackie still learns stuff from her own teaching. 120 00:04:54.460 --> 00:04:56.300 Like, that's the beauty, right? 121 00:04:56.300 --> 00:04:58.540 Like, you guys pick up the Bible 122 00:04:58.540 --> 00:04:59.860 and all of a sudden a verse- 123 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:02.400 looks different today than it did five years ago. 124 00:05:02.400 --> 00:05:03.560 That's the beauty of the gospel. 125 00:05:03.560 --> 00:05:08.080 And so that's the beauty of this content is that God is always speaking, always revealing. 126 00:05:08.080 --> 00:05:14.240 So if you don't give yourself the space for him to unfold that, you might find that you're, 127 00:05:14.240 --> 00:05:16.760 and I will say, we see this time and again. 128 00:05:16.760 --> 00:05:22.720 If you skip through this process or you kind of phone it in and you start dating and you're 129 00:05:22.720 --> 00:05:24.960 wondering why you're still attracting bozos. 130 00:05:24.960 --> 00:05:27.440 You wonder why you're still attracting the narcissist. 131 00:05:27.440 --> 00:05:32.600 You wonder why you still like, you know, well, it's cause you didn't change, like nothing 132 00:05:32.600 --> 00:05:33.600 changed. 133 00:05:33.600 --> 00:05:34.840 So of course you're going to get the same results. 134 00:05:34.840 --> 00:05:37.680 So do it at your own pace. 135 00:05:37.680 --> 00:05:40.360 And if you're like, but Renee, I'm actually the opposite. 136 00:05:40.360 --> 00:05:42.160 Like I'm on the 10 week plan. 137 00:05:42.160 --> 00:05:43.160 That's okay too. 138 00:05:43.160 --> 00:05:44.160 Like you, you do you boo. 139 00:05:44.160 --> 00:05:49.480 You go at the pace you need to go to, um, obviously I covered that. 140 00:05:49.480 --> 00:05:50.480 Okay. 141 00:05:50.480 --> 00:05:51.480 Distractions will happen. 142 00:05:51.480 --> 00:05:56.280 You guys, it is really easy whenever you're trying to be healthy, whether it's a diet, 143 00:05:56.280 --> 00:06:01.320 like, okay, you know, whenever you want to watch what you eat, everybody and their mother 144 00:06:01.320 --> 00:06:09.040 shows up with like a homemade pie, the brand new cake, a new recipe, new pasta dish. 145 00:06:09.040 --> 00:06:13.000 All of a sudden you've been invited to five dinners and it's all buffet, you know, all 146 00:06:13.000 --> 00:06:17.740 the things, or, you know, like you're finally ready to go to the gym and there's a snowstorm 147 00:06:17.740 --> 00:06:19.600 and you can't get to the gym. 148 00:06:19.600 --> 00:06:22.080 And so the same is true for heartwork. 149 00:06:22.080 --> 00:06:25.880 It's like the enemy's going to try to find ways to distract you. 150 00:06:26.480 --> 00:06:31.640 So just kind of like laugh in his face when it comes to you know that you're, you're just 151 00:06:31.640 --> 00:06:33.360 going to have it. 152 00:06:33.360 --> 00:06:38.800 And some of you are going to have waves of feeling lots of energy and excitement, and 153 00:06:38.800 --> 00:06:44.640 you're going to also have waves of feeling unexplained discouragement and sadness. 154 00:06:44.640 --> 00:06:47.000 Just know that that is part of the process. 155 00:06:47.000 --> 00:06:48.880 Bring it all to the Lord. 156 00:06:48.880 --> 00:06:53.640 Like trust that he's got you and you guys make sure you say it here. 157 00:06:53.640 --> 00:06:58.520 Find somebody in community, find safe places to talk about it because we all need to have 158 00:06:58.520 --> 00:06:59.520 our pity party day. 159 00:06:59.520 --> 00:07:03.880 Like, I don't know about you, but like, I'm normally like I'm working with a fitness and 160 00:07:03.880 --> 00:07:06.040 nutrition coach right now. 161 00:07:06.040 --> 00:07:11.600 And in 12 weeks she has never seen me complain, slip up, make a mistake. 162 00:07:11.600 --> 00:07:14.960 Well, I was just, I came back from the new year. 163 00:07:14.960 --> 00:07:16.680 I left home. 164 00:07:16.680 --> 00:07:18.040 I was back in Nashville. 165 00:07:18.040 --> 00:07:23.080 I was just not, I was just feeling like crap and you know, the scale wasn't my friend. 166 00:07:23.080 --> 00:07:27.680 I gave her like the biggest bitch fest in my weekly report. 167 00:07:27.680 --> 00:07:28.680 She'd never seen it before. 168 00:07:28.680 --> 00:07:31.640 She was like, oh my gosh, what happened to my perfect student? 169 00:07:31.640 --> 00:07:34.960 And but I just, and I just said, and even to sit in this thing, I said, do not give 170 00:07:34.960 --> 00:07:36.360 me tough love. 171 00:07:36.360 --> 00:07:37.760 I need to vent. 172 00:07:37.760 --> 00:07:40.360 I need to feel the feels. 173 00:07:40.360 --> 00:07:44.640 You know how Jack always says you can't heal the feels until you feel the feel. 174 00:07:44.640 --> 00:07:47.840 So I'm like, I need to feel my feels. 175 00:07:47.840 --> 00:07:52.160 And so she was like, oh my gosh, but she knows I don't do that very often. 176 00:07:52.240 --> 00:07:53.600 So I will say this. 177 00:07:53.600 --> 00:07:58.000 If you don't do that very often, if you don't have the pity party very often, we will let 178 00:07:58.000 --> 00:07:59.280 you have it. 179 00:07:59.280 --> 00:08:06.440 However, if we see you being negative week after week after week, we will call you on 180 00:08:06.440 --> 00:08:10.840 it and we may even impart a negativity fast on you. 181 00:08:10.840 --> 00:08:15.320 You may get a lovely message from me or somebody else that says, yeah, you're not allowed to 182 00:08:15.320 --> 00:08:19.040 comment for a couple of weeks because all you're doing is just writing negative stuff. 183 00:08:19.040 --> 00:08:21.120 So we are paying attention to it. 184 00:08:21.120 --> 00:08:23.400 So yes, are we all allowed to have a bad day? 185 00:08:23.400 --> 00:08:24.400 For sure. 186 00:08:24.400 --> 00:08:29.560 But if you are all, you remember, I think one of the Royal rules is to lift all boats. 187 00:08:29.560 --> 00:08:30.560 It's to lift all boats. 188 00:08:30.560 --> 00:08:35.880 So we're here to support each other. 189 00:08:35.880 --> 00:08:39.840 You asked, yeah, I did look at, I did ask, I said, don't give me tough love. 190 00:08:39.840 --> 00:08:46.360 I knew I, you guys, I knew I'm, I can handle tough love, but I knew I was not in the space 191 00:08:46.360 --> 00:08:48.440 that day to handle tough love. 192 00:08:48.440 --> 00:08:49.640 Like I would have quit. 193 00:08:49.640 --> 00:08:52.600 I'd been like, it wasn't worth it. 194 00:08:52.600 --> 00:08:58.280 So I think it's okay for you to say to your friends, you guys, and if you watch the boundaries, 195 00:08:58.280 --> 00:09:04.000 when you watch the boundary sessions, if it's the one that I really like, I give a cheat 196 00:09:04.000 --> 00:09:06.440 sheet of what to say to somebody. 197 00:09:06.440 --> 00:09:10.040 And it's like the thing to put up on the wall when you have a husband. 198 00:09:10.040 --> 00:09:13.960 And it basically, depending on how you start the sentence, it lets them know if they're 199 00:09:13.960 --> 00:09:17.780 supposed to just listen, support you or fix it. 200 00:09:17.780 --> 00:09:21.540 This way they know right in your opening sentence, what their job is to do. 201 00:09:21.540 --> 00:09:25.420 And so sometimes ladies, we just need to vent and it's okay. 202 00:09:25.420 --> 00:09:26.420 It's okay. 203 00:09:26.420 --> 00:09:27.420 All right. 204 00:09:27.420 --> 00:09:28.420 So anyway, let's see. 205 00:09:28.420 --> 00:09:34.020 When your heart and head aren't feeling it, it says after going on a few dates and they 206 00:09:34.020 --> 00:09:41.060 like the guy, but he isn't into them or so sometimes, and this is going to happen. 207 00:09:41.060 --> 00:09:45.660 You're going to like a guy, but he's not into you, or you're not going to like a guy, but 208 00:09:45.660 --> 00:09:46.660 he's into you. 209 00:09:46.660 --> 00:09:48.620 This is going to happen. 210 00:09:48.620 --> 00:09:52.620 You're going to, if you try the online thing again, and I teach the online thing and I 211 00:09:52.620 --> 00:09:57.020 teach the boundaries class, because I feel so strongly about both of them. 212 00:09:57.020 --> 00:10:00.020 I actually, the irony is I felt so strongly again. 213 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:05.480 online dating, that Jackie made me do online dating until I became a rock star at it, and 214 00:10:05.480 --> 00:10:06.800 then she made me teach on it. 215 00:10:06.800 --> 00:10:08.360 So there's the irony. 216 00:10:08.360 --> 00:10:14.200 So when you tell me that you hated online dating, get in line behind me. 217 00:10:14.200 --> 00:10:16.280 But I have found a way to master it. 218 00:10:16.280 --> 00:10:19.560 And here's what I, let me jump in and say this about online dating. 219 00:10:19.560 --> 00:10:25.320 You guys, the internet, like there was what we call the dot-bomb industry happened when 220 00:10:25.320 --> 00:10:28.520 the internet kind of came on the scene in the late 90s. 221 00:10:28.520 --> 00:10:33.120 People created companies on the web just to create a company on the web. 222 00:10:33.120 --> 00:10:34.920 They didn't have a good product. 223 00:10:34.920 --> 00:10:37.200 They didn't use the web as a tool. 224 00:10:37.200 --> 00:10:40.200 They just, they tried to make a web business. 225 00:10:40.200 --> 00:10:41.200 Do you know what I'm saying? 226 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:46.280 It's like, and the only companies that survived were the companies that already had a solid 227 00:10:46.280 --> 00:10:47.280 company. 228 00:10:47.280 --> 00:10:49.200 The web was just a tool. 229 00:10:49.200 --> 00:10:51.740 And that's the thing with online dating. 230 00:10:51.740 --> 00:10:56.660 Go into it thinking, you know what, I am not going to meet my husband online, but oh 231 00:10:56.660 --> 00:11:02.620 my gosh, I'm going to have a wonderful time practicing how to date, practice how to do 232 00:11:02.620 --> 00:11:08.480 discovery dating, practice how to flirt, practice how to break up with somebody, practice how 233 00:11:08.480 --> 00:11:11.420 to date more than one guy at the same time. 234 00:11:11.420 --> 00:11:14.820 I'm going to use this opportunity to practice. 235 00:11:14.820 --> 00:11:20.220 I'm also going to be able to spot scammers and ding-dongs faster and faster and faster. 236 00:11:20.220 --> 00:11:27.140 So when I meet my guy at church or at the grocery store or at Bass Pro Shop or I don't 237 00:11:27.140 --> 00:11:35.060 care whatever, the cleaners of course are coming right now. 238 00:11:35.060 --> 00:11:37.300 So that's what I want you to think about it. 239 00:11:37.300 --> 00:11:43.500 Now, if you meet your spouse online, bonus, that's how you meet your spouse, but like 240 00:11:43.500 --> 00:11:44.500 don't freak out. 241 00:11:44.500 --> 00:11:47.060 You're like, oh my gosh, I can't believe they're making me go online. 242 00:11:47.060 --> 00:11:48.580 It's just a vehicle. 243 00:11:48.580 --> 00:11:51.400 I wasn't meeting enough single men in real life. 244 00:11:51.400 --> 00:11:55.100 So if I was going to meet that dating challenge, the only way I was going to meet it was by 245 00:11:55.100 --> 00:11:56.420 going online. 246 00:11:56.420 --> 00:12:01.500 So now it's like you guys can watch that video because honestly, like I look at it in the 247 00:12:01.500 --> 00:12:02.500 morning. 248 00:12:02.500 --> 00:12:03.500 I look at it at the end of the day. 249 00:12:03.500 --> 00:12:04.500 Do I still get scammers? 250 00:12:04.500 --> 00:12:05.500 Sure. 251 00:12:05.500 --> 00:12:07.140 And I can spot them now. 252 00:12:07.140 --> 00:12:10.620 Like sometimes if I'm really bored, I like to play a little, I'm like, hey, you seem 253 00:12:10.620 --> 00:12:11.620 awesome too. 254 00:12:11.620 --> 00:12:12.620 Let's do a video date. 255 00:12:12.620 --> 00:12:16.540 And you know, they, you know, and so like, here's the thing, you guys, you are God defended 256 00:12:16.540 --> 00:12:17.540 now. 257 00:12:17.540 --> 00:12:21.580 He is a jerk, inappropriate, a scammer. 258 00:12:21.580 --> 00:12:25.100 You have the tools to snuff him out faster. 259 00:12:25.100 --> 00:12:26.860 You're not going to give out your bank account. 260 00:12:26.860 --> 00:12:28.700 You're not going to say, I love you. 261 00:12:28.700 --> 00:12:30.220 You're not going to send pictures of yourself. 262 00:12:30.220 --> 00:12:31.220 Do you know what I'm saying? 263 00:12:31.220 --> 00:12:32.820 Like you guys are going to do it right. 264 00:12:32.820 --> 00:12:33.820 So who cares? 265 00:12:33.820 --> 00:12:34.820 Like, I don't know. 266 00:12:34.820 --> 00:12:40.340 I don't even notice anymore because I noticed the quality guys and yes, are there seasons 267 00:12:40.340 --> 00:12:43.020 when I'm online and it's like nothing. 268 00:12:43.020 --> 00:12:44.020 Sure. 269 00:12:44.020 --> 00:12:45.660 And I just go do other things. 270 00:12:45.780 --> 00:12:47.580 I go find other ways to meet people. 271 00:12:47.580 --> 00:12:50.020 I pick other things in my life to get excited about. 272 00:12:50.020 --> 00:12:52.220 I don't kind of get all upset about it. 273 00:12:52.220 --> 00:12:57.260 So just know that your heart and head aren't going to always line up. 274 00:12:57.260 --> 00:13:01.220 Just know that sometimes it's going to feel like feast or famine. 275 00:13:01.220 --> 00:13:02.900 Sometimes just like weight loss, right? 276 00:13:02.900 --> 00:13:07.300 Like sometimes when you're dieting, you hit a plateau and then they get what you, they 277 00:13:07.300 --> 00:13:08.720 call the gush. 278 00:13:08.720 --> 00:13:14.180 So like I just had a gush, you guys, I'm in a fat cut, a calorie cut phase, so I should 279 00:13:14.180 --> 00:13:15.180 be losing weight. 280 00:13:15.700 --> 00:13:17.260 And it was just like staying steady, staying steady. 281 00:13:17.260 --> 00:13:18.460 It was just pissing me off. 282 00:13:18.460 --> 00:13:19.460 It wasn't moving. 283 00:13:19.460 --> 00:13:22.620 Then all of a sudden in one day, I technically lost three pounds. 284 00:13:22.620 --> 00:13:24.380 Now, did I lose three pounds overnight? 285 00:13:24.380 --> 00:13:25.380 No. 286 00:13:25.380 --> 00:13:26.820 But it was like there was a pocket. 287 00:13:26.820 --> 00:13:28.460 There's like a whole science behind it. 288 00:13:28.460 --> 00:13:32.580 Like there's a pocket and finally the body realizes, okay, she's really not filling it 289 00:13:32.580 --> 00:13:33.580 with fat. 290 00:13:33.580 --> 00:13:34.860 So we get to release it. 291 00:13:34.860 --> 00:13:36.420 That's kind of how it is with dating. 292 00:13:36.420 --> 00:13:40.500 Like you're going to have seasons where it's not going to feel like you're seeing any fruit 293 00:13:40.500 --> 00:13:45.940 from it, but you have to trust that the fruit's being born and it's, it's that, you know, 294 00:13:45.940 --> 00:13:49.700 you will, you will bear fruit on it. 295 00:13:49.700 --> 00:13:55.300 Another topic came up is unresolved anger with men are starting to show up as you date. 296 00:13:55.300 --> 00:14:00.980 You know, guys, and that's really good because Jackie always says her in relationship healed 297 00:14:00.980 --> 00:14:02.400 in relationship. 298 00:14:02.400 --> 00:14:08.540 So we can only read so many self-help books, do so much journaling, do so much sozoing, 299 00:14:08.540 --> 00:14:10.180 do so much praying single. 300 00:14:10.180 --> 00:14:13.820 There's only so much healing we can do single. 301 00:14:13.820 --> 00:14:20.180 Some of our healing is going to happen dating, really dating in a serious relationship. 302 00:14:20.180 --> 00:14:24.700 So don't, don't get upset with yourself when you get triggered in those moments. 303 00:14:24.700 --> 00:14:26.660 Go, oh, here I am. 304 00:14:26.660 --> 00:14:27.740 Here's a new layer. 305 00:14:27.740 --> 00:14:30.100 Here's a new onion that I'm peeling of this. 306 00:14:30.100 --> 00:14:31.700 Where's this anger coming from? 307 00:14:31.700 --> 00:14:38.180 And usually if we feel like the anger or emotion we're feeling isn't matching the situation, 308 00:14:38.180 --> 00:14:41.680 it means it's always referring back to something else. 309 00:14:41.680 --> 00:14:45.460 And so the question that Jackie or Bethany will always say to you is when's the first 310 00:14:45.460 --> 00:14:47.740 time you felt that way? 311 00:14:47.740 --> 00:14:50.340 When was the first time you felt angry towards a man? 312 00:14:50.340 --> 00:14:52.660 When was the first time you felt disappointed? 313 00:14:52.660 --> 00:14:55.540 When was the first time you felt cast aside? 314 00:14:55.540 --> 00:14:59.780 Because usually if we're having a strong reaction, it's not. 315 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:03.440 because of this person in front of us that we barely know, 316 00:15:03.440 --> 00:15:05.160 it's because it's reminding us 317 00:15:05.160 --> 00:15:07.000 to something really painful in the back. 318 00:15:07.000 --> 00:15:10.720 And so God's opening that moment up to give us a chance 319 00:15:10.720 --> 00:15:14.320 to go back and heal it back here. 320 00:15:14.320 --> 00:15:17.440 The other thing is activating the divine feminine. 321 00:15:17.440 --> 00:15:20.880 Now, how many of you have seen the divine feminine video? 322 00:15:20.880 --> 00:15:24.200 So raise your hand, your avatar hand if you've seen it. 323 00:15:24.200 --> 00:15:27.440 Okay, if you haven't seen it yet, you guys, the goldmine. 324 00:15:27.520 --> 00:15:32.080 And I love it because for women 325 00:15:32.080 --> 00:15:37.080 that are very demure, wallflower, you guys hide, 326 00:15:37.080 --> 00:15:40.040 you've been hiding behind your profile photos, 327 00:15:40.040 --> 00:15:43.540 it kind of teaches you how to come up out of your shell. 328 00:15:43.540 --> 00:15:45.560 Then for those of us that are kind of loud 329 00:15:45.560 --> 00:15:48.840 and proud and boss babes, it teaches us 330 00:15:48.840 --> 00:15:53.120 how can we still be strong, but in a feminine way? 331 00:15:53.120 --> 00:15:55.520 Because I don't know about you, but as the strong one, 332 00:15:55.520 --> 00:15:57.420 I kept hearing, you're too much, you're too much, 333 00:15:58.260 --> 00:15:59.100 you're intimidating. 334 00:15:59.100 --> 00:16:03.340 And so the divine feminine doesn't say, don't be strong. 335 00:16:03.340 --> 00:16:06.260 It just says, be strong differently. 336 00:16:06.260 --> 00:16:07.620 It's not, not be strong. 337 00:16:07.620 --> 00:16:09.940 It's just shine differently. 338 00:16:09.940 --> 00:16:12.780 And so that one was really, really helpful for me. 339 00:16:12.780 --> 00:16:15.420 And in fact, I wanna highlight three, 340 00:16:15.420 --> 00:16:18.420 there's seven characteristics that Jackie mentions 341 00:16:18.420 --> 00:16:19.740 and the teaching is great. 342 00:16:19.740 --> 00:16:21.760 Go back and watch if you haven't. 343 00:16:21.760 --> 00:16:25.100 But especially as you go through this dating season, 344 00:16:25.100 --> 00:16:27.960 there's three characteristic that make up 345 00:16:27.960 --> 00:16:31.580 the divine feminine and it's really the attributes 346 00:16:31.580 --> 00:16:32.620 of the Holy Spirit. 347 00:16:32.620 --> 00:16:36.420 I just saw this, I can't remember now. 348 00:16:36.420 --> 00:16:38.180 Now I'm taking so many classes. 349 00:16:38.180 --> 00:16:40.660 No, no, I was in the freedom prayer training. 350 00:16:40.660 --> 00:16:44.060 So, you know, a lot of the divine masculine 351 00:16:44.060 --> 00:16:49.060 will show up in God's characteristic, right? 352 00:16:49.260 --> 00:16:51.920 And when we look at Jesus, you know, 353 00:16:51.920 --> 00:16:56.440 sometimes we, Jesus kind of matches how our sibling is. 354 00:16:56.440 --> 00:16:57.400 Oh, I'm sorry. 355 00:16:57.400 --> 00:17:00.360 God, sometimes we think of God in our image 356 00:17:00.360 --> 00:17:01.840 compared to our father. 357 00:17:01.840 --> 00:17:04.640 When we look at Jesus, he can almost be like the sibling. 358 00:17:04.640 --> 00:17:06.920 When we look at the Holy Spirit 359 00:17:06.920 --> 00:17:08.220 and we kind of look at the woman. 360 00:17:08.220 --> 00:17:10.660 So the woman really kind of has a lot 361 00:17:10.660 --> 00:17:12.240 of the Holy Spirit elements. 362 00:17:12.240 --> 00:17:15.760 And so one of them is wisdom and discernment. 363 00:17:15.760 --> 00:17:18.880 And so a lot of times we really need to trust our wisdom 364 00:17:18.880 --> 00:17:19.740 and discernment. 365 00:17:19.740 --> 00:17:23.220 If you are now coming in with a healed heart, 366 00:17:23.220 --> 00:17:26.420 that button inside of you that's like, 367 00:17:26.420 --> 00:17:29.260 that you know in your knower, you call it gut. 368 00:17:29.260 --> 00:17:31.700 Women tend to call it our sixth sense, 369 00:17:31.700 --> 00:17:33.700 our intuition and our gut. 370 00:17:33.700 --> 00:17:36.080 If we are coming at it with a healed heart, 371 00:17:36.080 --> 00:17:37.300 that is the Holy Spirit, 372 00:17:37.300 --> 00:17:39.620 that is the divine feminine working in us. 373 00:17:39.620 --> 00:17:42.300 So pay attention to that. 374 00:17:42.300 --> 00:17:44.820 If you're asking a lot of questions about a guy, 375 00:17:44.820 --> 00:17:46.580 you have a lot of concerns and it's coming 376 00:17:46.580 --> 00:17:49.260 from a healed heart, that is the Holy Spirit 377 00:17:49.780 --> 00:17:50.620 trying to help you. 378 00:17:50.620 --> 00:17:52.940 Now, if you don't have a healed heart, 379 00:17:52.940 --> 00:17:56.340 it's gonna more look like judgment, suspicion, 380 00:17:56.340 --> 00:17:58.420 picky and negative. 381 00:17:58.420 --> 00:18:00.340 So that's where you kind of have to go like, 382 00:18:00.340 --> 00:18:04.220 okay, is this me being discerning 383 00:18:04.220 --> 00:18:08.920 or is this me being nitpicky or naggy or judgy Mcjudgy? 384 00:18:08.920 --> 00:18:11.260 And the more you press into the Holy Spirit 385 00:18:11.260 --> 00:18:12.860 and the more you press into God, 386 00:18:12.860 --> 00:18:14.580 he will reveal that to you. 387 00:18:14.580 --> 00:18:17.380 I can tell if I take some space 388 00:18:17.380 --> 00:18:20.100 to know when my discernment is creeping up 389 00:18:20.100 --> 00:18:24.460 and when my picky, negative, not healed heart is picking up. 390 00:18:24.460 --> 00:18:27.380 And you know how I know it's discernment from Holy Spirit? 391 00:18:27.380 --> 00:18:29.920 Because I can breathe and I feel peace. 392 00:18:30.980 --> 00:18:34.540 That's how you know, because actually the second attribute 393 00:18:34.540 --> 00:18:37.180 that I wanted to highlight tonight from the divine feminine 394 00:18:37.180 --> 00:18:40.300 is that we carry the role of the comforter, 395 00:18:40.300 --> 00:18:42.400 peace and shalom. 396 00:18:42.400 --> 00:18:44.420 So if we have shalom working for us 397 00:18:44.420 --> 00:18:46.600 and we have discernment working for us, 398 00:18:46.600 --> 00:18:48.280 we should know that we're God defended 399 00:18:48.280 --> 00:18:50.700 and we should be loving this dating season 400 00:18:50.700 --> 00:18:52.440 no matter what the turnout is 401 00:18:52.440 --> 00:18:55.600 because we have to trust that we have the peace of God in us 402 00:18:55.600 --> 00:18:58.160 and we have discernment to know when to move forward 403 00:18:58.160 --> 00:19:00.240 and when to move left and when to move right 404 00:19:00.240 --> 00:19:02.800 and when to back up all together. 405 00:19:02.800 --> 00:19:05.860 And then the last one, I wanna remind you guys of this. 406 00:19:05.860 --> 00:19:10.860 We also bring the attribute of fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun. 407 00:19:11.400 --> 00:19:15.500 If we are not fun, men won't pick us. 408 00:19:15.500 --> 00:19:17.940 It's interesting, I went to the guys page 409 00:19:17.940 --> 00:19:19.860 and it was like from a year ago 410 00:19:19.860 --> 00:19:21.180 and Jackie asked a bunch of men 411 00:19:21.180 --> 00:19:23.420 what did they notice most about women first? 412 00:19:23.420 --> 00:19:26.980 And I was on another Facebook page of Christian people. 413 00:19:26.980 --> 00:19:28.300 The same question was asked, 414 00:19:28.300 --> 00:19:30.580 men, what do you notice about women first? 415 00:19:30.580 --> 00:19:32.060 And I talked about this last week. 416 00:19:32.060 --> 00:19:34.560 They notice your smile and they notice your eyes. 417 00:19:34.560 --> 00:19:37.880 And so y'all like if you've got negative Nancy on your face, 418 00:19:37.880 --> 00:19:39.580 then they're going to recognize that, 419 00:19:39.580 --> 00:19:42.060 no dis on the Nancys in the room. 420 00:19:42.060 --> 00:19:45.100 Okay, so I really want you to lean into that this week. 421 00:19:45.700 --> 00:19:48.620 How can I pay attention to my discernment? 422 00:19:48.620 --> 00:19:50.420 How can I be more peaceful? 423 00:19:50.420 --> 00:19:51.780 And how can I be more fun? 424 00:19:51.780 --> 00:19:54.160 So I really want y'all to tap into that. 425 00:19:55.900 --> 00:20:00.220 And again, you only need to be afraid of online dating. 426 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:03.840 I think if you give away too much information too soon, 427 00:20:03.840 --> 00:20:06.000 it's really that simple, you guys. 428 00:20:06.000 --> 00:20:09.060 You keep those text messages short and sweet. 429 00:20:09.920 --> 00:20:12.120 I don't mean literally pull out your resume. 430 00:20:12.120 --> 00:20:13.720 Someone's like, oh, you give out your resume? 431 00:20:13.720 --> 00:20:17.840 No, I'm just saying I call texting information, 432 00:20:17.840 --> 00:20:19.320 the information, I don't care 433 00:20:19.320 --> 00:20:21.640 if it falls onto the New York Times. 434 00:20:21.640 --> 00:20:24.540 I don't care if the guy at Walgreens knows it. 435 00:20:24.540 --> 00:20:26.040 It is information about me. 436 00:20:26.040 --> 00:20:27.280 I don't care if anybody knows. 437 00:20:27.280 --> 00:20:30.040 That is all you're supposed to share by text. 438 00:20:30.040 --> 00:20:31.560 Then you go to a video chat, 439 00:20:31.560 --> 00:20:34.360 and it is okay if you say, that's a great question, 440 00:20:34.360 --> 00:20:35.200 or you know what? 441 00:20:35.200 --> 00:20:36.740 I really don't wanna keep texting anymore. 442 00:20:36.740 --> 00:20:39.120 I would like to get to know you more. 443 00:20:39.120 --> 00:20:42.380 Those are questions I would ask by video only. 444 00:20:42.380 --> 00:20:44.280 And I'm just clear, video only. 445 00:20:44.280 --> 00:20:46.780 If they don't wanna do video, we're done. 446 00:20:46.780 --> 00:20:47.960 And so then I do the video, 447 00:20:47.960 --> 00:20:50.940 and I have a few shorter conversations 448 00:20:50.940 --> 00:20:54.000 where you get to ask fun, silly dating questions 449 00:20:54.000 --> 00:20:55.040 that are just like, 450 00:20:55.040 --> 00:20:57.400 now, what was your favorite subject in school? 451 00:20:57.400 --> 00:20:59.720 And if you, you know, like just fun, 452 00:20:59.720 --> 00:21:03.160 creative questions that you can ask just to keep it light. 453 00:21:03.160 --> 00:21:05.240 A lot of you guys get hung up with, 454 00:21:05.240 --> 00:21:07.800 he's also sharing too much information. 455 00:21:07.800 --> 00:21:09.440 You're gonna come across this. 456 00:21:09.440 --> 00:21:11.800 You're gonna either find a guy that shares 457 00:21:11.800 --> 00:21:15.260 too much information or not enough information at all. 458 00:21:15.260 --> 00:21:16.640 They are dating clunky. 459 00:21:16.640 --> 00:21:17.760 They don't know how to do it. 460 00:21:17.760 --> 00:21:19.240 That doesn't make them a bad guy. 461 00:21:19.240 --> 00:21:21.620 It just make either A, he's unhealed, 462 00:21:21.620 --> 00:21:23.580 or B, he doesn't know how to date. 463 00:21:23.580 --> 00:21:25.340 And so it is okay for you to say, 464 00:21:25.340 --> 00:21:26.700 that's a really great question, 465 00:21:26.700 --> 00:21:27.540 but you know what, I'm gonna, 466 00:21:27.540 --> 00:21:30.540 let's table that until we get to know each other better. 467 00:21:30.540 --> 00:21:33.540 Or I'm gonna, I wanna hold space for that later. 468 00:21:33.540 --> 00:21:36.620 This is, let's just continue to get to know each other. 469 00:21:36.620 --> 00:21:38.980 And that's really why you wanna push for that live date. 470 00:21:38.980 --> 00:21:40.540 You really wanna push for that live date. 471 00:21:40.540 --> 00:21:41.820 And ladies, there's some of you 472 00:21:41.820 --> 00:21:44.200 that are doing the long distance thing, 473 00:21:44.200 --> 00:21:46.140 and you're afraid to get to the live date. 474 00:21:46.140 --> 00:21:47.500 Please get to the live date. 475 00:21:47.500 --> 00:21:48.780 Please get to the live date. 476 00:21:48.780 --> 00:21:50.340 Please get to the live date. 477 00:21:50.380 --> 00:21:54.940 Because it is impossible to not start to overshare 478 00:21:54.940 --> 00:21:56.820 when all you're doing is video dating. 479 00:21:56.820 --> 00:21:58.120 Because you've got nothing else to do. 480 00:21:58.120 --> 00:21:59.620 You're not going to the movies. 481 00:21:59.620 --> 00:22:01.100 You're not going to play pool. 482 00:22:01.100 --> 00:22:02.500 You're not going ax throwing. 483 00:22:02.500 --> 00:22:03.820 You're not taking a hike. 484 00:22:03.820 --> 00:22:05.900 You literally are just staring at each other 485 00:22:05.900 --> 00:22:07.300 for most of the part. 486 00:22:07.300 --> 00:22:09.340 And so you are going to just start 487 00:22:09.340 --> 00:22:11.580 and actually sharing, sharing more information. 488 00:22:11.580 --> 00:22:13.020 And a digital connection 489 00:22:13.020 --> 00:22:16.060 doesn't always translate in real life. 490 00:22:16.060 --> 00:22:19.000 And you know, and it is okay to say, 491 00:22:19.000 --> 00:22:20.760 look, I'm not trying to marry you. 492 00:22:20.760 --> 00:22:22.440 I just wanna meet you in person. 493 00:22:22.440 --> 00:22:23.280 And you know what? 494 00:22:23.280 --> 00:22:25.300 We're gonna plan a fun date. 495 00:22:25.300 --> 00:22:27.640 And even if we decide we're not a match, 496 00:22:27.640 --> 00:22:29.680 we're gonna both agree that we're gonna have fun 497 00:22:29.680 --> 00:22:30.600 no matter what. 498 00:22:30.600 --> 00:22:33.000 And we're gonna take the pressure off of ourselves. 499 00:22:33.000 --> 00:22:34.720 Because actually I would argue 500 00:22:34.720 --> 00:22:36.720 if you're afraid to meet in person, 501 00:22:36.720 --> 00:22:39.080 the longer you wait to meet in person, 502 00:22:39.080 --> 00:22:42.640 the more pressure you're putting on that in-person date. 503 00:22:42.640 --> 00:22:44.560 You're making it very important. 504 00:22:44.560 --> 00:22:45.400 And all of a sudden, 505 00:22:45.400 --> 00:22:48.220 so I want you to have some freedom there. 506 00:22:49.680 --> 00:22:52.160 If you are like states away 507 00:22:52.160 --> 00:22:53.580 and someone's gonna have to get on a plane 508 00:22:53.580 --> 00:22:56.360 and money's an issue, have fun on dates. 509 00:22:56.360 --> 00:23:00.000 You can Google online Zoom games. 510 00:23:00.000 --> 00:23:01.640 I've played Yahtzee. 511 00:23:01.640 --> 00:23:03.040 I've played Uno. 512 00:23:03.040 --> 00:23:04.840 I've played Scattergories. 513 00:23:04.840 --> 00:23:06.600 You can go on a walk together. 514 00:23:06.600 --> 00:23:08.320 You can cook some food together. 515 00:23:08.320 --> 00:23:11.520 So if you are stuck doing a lot of video dates, 516 00:23:11.520 --> 00:23:13.100 make them activities. 517 00:23:13.100 --> 00:23:16.580 Try to be creative and fun. 518 00:23:16.580 --> 00:23:19.440 Okay, I'm gonna stop right there 519 00:23:19.440 --> 00:23:22.180 because we have some ladies from last week 520 00:23:22.180 --> 00:23:24.540 who need to give us some updates. 521 00:23:24.540 --> 00:23:26.100 And they're gonna be brave souls. 522 00:23:26.100 --> 00:23:29.540 And so they're gonna go in the hot seat first. 523 00:23:29.540 --> 00:23:31.940 And by the way, this is actually putting you in training 524 00:23:31.940 --> 00:23:34.100 because there's a monthly class 525 00:23:34.100 --> 00:23:36.460 that Jackie offers called Love Seat. 526 00:23:36.460 --> 00:23:37.780 She doesn't call it Hot Seat. 527 00:23:37.780 --> 00:23:39.860 She calls it the Love Seat. 528 00:23:39.860 --> 00:23:41.620 And so if you have a dating dilemma, 529 00:23:41.620 --> 00:23:43.420 you get in the Love Seat 530 00:23:43.420 --> 00:23:46.140 and she will give you feedback in front 531 00:23:46.140 --> 00:23:47.320 of a hundred other people. 532 00:23:47.320 --> 00:23:49.420 But it's great because we all learn something 533 00:23:49.420 --> 00:23:50.580 even if you're not the one. 534 00:23:50.580 --> 00:23:51.780 So this is just practice 535 00:23:51.780 --> 00:23:53.380 because there's only like, you know, 536 00:23:53.380 --> 00:23:55.780 there's less than a hundred people in the room right now. 537 00:23:55.780 --> 00:23:59.200 And so it's a much more calm way to do it. 538 00:23:59.200 --> 00:24:02.020 So Shannon has already agreed to go first 539 00:24:03.540 --> 00:24:06.460 because she, and so Shannon remind the group 540 00:24:06.460 --> 00:24:07.860 because there are some people here tonight 541 00:24:07.860 --> 00:24:08.960 that were not here last week. 542 00:24:08.960 --> 00:24:10.980 So in one minute or less, 543 00:24:10.980 --> 00:24:13.020 tell us the dating situation 544 00:24:13.780 --> 00:24:14.620 that you were in the middle of 545 00:24:14.620 --> 00:24:16.020 because I believe you had your first live date 546 00:24:16.020 --> 00:24:18.180 or a live date, yes? 547 00:24:18.180 --> 00:24:20.820 Yeah, so I had been talking to a guy 548 00:24:20.820 --> 00:24:23.860 that I met on Bumble for about three weeks. 549 00:24:24.980 --> 00:24:26.620 We live about three hours apart 550 00:24:28.140 --> 00:24:30.980 and we had been attempting to do a live date 551 00:24:30.980 --> 00:24:33.780 for the last two weeks, 552 00:24:33.780 --> 00:24:36.540 but every time we scheduled something, something happened. 553 00:24:36.540 --> 00:24:39.120 Like someone got sick or there was bad weather. 554 00:24:40.120 --> 00:24:45.120 And so we finally had our first live date on Saturday 555 00:24:45.120 --> 00:24:48.160 after like three weeks of talking on the phone. 556 00:24:48.160 --> 00:24:49.000 And the problem- 557 00:24:49.000 --> 00:24:50.760 So remind us Shannon, what was something I was, 558 00:24:50.760 --> 00:24:53.440 I can't even remember anymore because I'm old. 559 00:24:53.440 --> 00:24:54.280 So the problem- 560 00:24:54.280 --> 00:24:56.400 What was one thing I was a little concerned about? 561 00:24:56.400 --> 00:24:57.680 You were concerned about how much 562 00:24:57.680 --> 00:24:59.440 we were talking on the phone. 563 00:24:59.440 --> 00:25:00.280 Oh yeah. 564 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:01.960 And for how long? 565 00:25:01.960 --> 00:25:02.800 Yeah. 566 00:25:02.800 --> 00:25:03.620 As we were talking on the phone, 567 00:25:03.620 --> 00:25:07.480 like four or five days a week for like a couple hours. 568 00:25:07.480 --> 00:25:08.320 Okay. 569 00:25:08.320 --> 00:25:09.160 So you guys, 570 00:25:09.160 --> 00:25:12.080 if some of you haven't taken the dating 101 class 571 00:25:12.080 --> 00:25:13.540 that are online dating, 572 00:25:13.540 --> 00:25:16.740 we usually try to encourage to keep the dates 573 00:25:16.740 --> 00:25:19.780 at an hour on the phone or on video, 574 00:25:19.780 --> 00:25:22.860 because the longer you stay on the video phone, 575 00:25:22.860 --> 00:25:25.440 you start to get more and more intimate in conversation. 576 00:25:25.440 --> 00:25:26.280 It's just natural. 577 00:25:26.280 --> 00:25:27.340 That's just where it goes. 578 00:25:27.340 --> 00:25:28.420 So keep going. 579 00:25:28.420 --> 00:25:29.260 Yeah. 580 00:25:29.260 --> 00:25:31.980 So we did do our in-person date on Saturday. 581 00:25:31.980 --> 00:25:33.380 Oh, well, also I'll tell you this. 582 00:25:33.380 --> 00:25:34.220 So I did, 583 00:25:34.220 --> 00:25:36.640 I did listen to you and Bethany's advice 584 00:25:36.640 --> 00:25:39.500 and we didn't talk on the phone at all on Wednesday. 585 00:25:39.500 --> 00:25:41.320 We just texted a little bit. 586 00:25:41.320 --> 00:25:43.740 We did talk on the phone on Thursday. 587 00:25:43.740 --> 00:25:46.100 We did not talk on the phone on Friday. 588 00:25:46.100 --> 00:25:48.540 And then we had the in-person date on Saturday. 589 00:25:48.540 --> 00:25:50.380 So I was trying to be very good. 590 00:25:50.380 --> 00:25:51.220 Awesome. 591 00:25:51.220 --> 00:25:52.040 How did it go? 592 00:25:52.980 --> 00:25:54.580 So it started out good. 593 00:25:56.080 --> 00:25:57.280 Did not end as... 594 00:25:58.280 --> 00:26:00.120 So one of the things that, 595 00:26:00.120 --> 00:26:02.840 I don't remember if it was you or if it was Bethany, 596 00:26:02.840 --> 00:26:05.040 the concern was boundaries. 597 00:26:05.040 --> 00:26:09.120 Like if the boundaries for talking on the phone so much 598 00:26:09.120 --> 00:26:11.160 possibly could mean maybe not being as good 599 00:26:11.160 --> 00:26:12.920 at like physical boundaries. 600 00:26:12.920 --> 00:26:13.760 Yeah. 601 00:26:13.760 --> 00:26:18.000 And so that was kind of already in my mind before the date, 602 00:26:18.000 --> 00:26:19.240 but the date started out really well. 603 00:26:19.240 --> 00:26:21.560 We actually ended up instead of meeting halfway, 604 00:26:21.560 --> 00:26:23.440 we met in my hometown. 605 00:26:23.440 --> 00:26:26.120 My hometown is only about 45 minutes from him. 606 00:26:26.120 --> 00:26:28.280 And it's a little over two hours for me, 607 00:26:28.280 --> 00:26:30.520 but my parents are there. 608 00:26:30.520 --> 00:26:33.800 My brother who carries a gun for his work is there. 609 00:26:33.800 --> 00:26:35.960 So it just made me feel better. 610 00:26:35.960 --> 00:26:37.160 You had to drive farther. 611 00:26:37.160 --> 00:26:38.840 However, you were in a safer area. 612 00:26:38.840 --> 00:26:39.680 Yes. 613 00:26:39.680 --> 00:26:41.720 I will accept that. 614 00:26:41.720 --> 00:26:42.560 Yes. 615 00:26:42.560 --> 00:26:43.400 Yes. 616 00:26:43.400 --> 00:26:46.760 So we, and we met up at a metro park, 617 00:26:46.760 --> 00:26:50.480 but it was not a like woody secluded metro park. 618 00:26:50.480 --> 00:26:52.080 It's on the river. 619 00:26:52.080 --> 00:26:54.560 And so it's very open and there's a playground 620 00:26:54.560 --> 00:26:56.200 and there's this big like sledding hill 621 00:26:56.200 --> 00:26:57.960 and it was packed full of people 622 00:26:57.960 --> 00:26:59.440 because it had snowed last week. 623 00:26:59.440 --> 00:27:01.880 So it was very public. 624 00:27:03.080 --> 00:27:05.200 So anyway, so we went to the park 625 00:27:05.200 --> 00:27:06.840 and everything was going really well. 626 00:27:06.840 --> 00:27:09.360 And it was just really comfortable and really natural. 627 00:27:09.360 --> 00:27:11.600 Just like when we talked on the phone 628 00:27:11.600 --> 00:27:13.920 and then we got cold. 629 00:27:13.920 --> 00:27:16.680 And so we were leaving to go get coffee. 630 00:27:16.680 --> 00:27:19.640 And then he opened the car door to let me in. 631 00:27:19.640 --> 00:27:22.560 And then all of a sudden he turned around and kissed me. 632 00:27:22.560 --> 00:27:24.440 And I was not expecting it. 633 00:27:25.280 --> 00:27:26.400 So I was like, I was like, I froze. 634 00:27:26.400 --> 00:27:27.240 I didn't know what to do. 635 00:27:27.240 --> 00:27:28.080 He swooped in. 636 00:27:28.080 --> 00:27:28.920 Yes. 637 00:27:28.920 --> 00:27:29.760 He swooped in. 638 00:27:29.760 --> 00:27:31.440 And then he kissed me again. 639 00:27:31.440 --> 00:27:33.120 So, and wanted to make out. 640 00:27:33.120 --> 00:27:35.880 And so like the whole physical boundaries thing 641 00:27:35.880 --> 00:27:38.480 was definitely, yeah. 642 00:27:38.480 --> 00:27:41.800 Because at this point, he's gotten to know you so well 643 00:27:41.800 --> 00:27:44.440 that in his brain, it's not a first date. 644 00:27:44.440 --> 00:27:45.720 It's like. 645 00:27:45.720 --> 00:27:47.920 And it didn't, and honestly it didn't feel like one. 646 00:27:47.920 --> 00:27:49.640 That was the first thing I noticed. 647 00:27:49.640 --> 00:27:52.120 Like the comfortability, it didn't, 648 00:27:52.120 --> 00:27:54.120 there wasn't like the usual first date 649 00:27:55.240 --> 00:27:57.320 awkward feeling at all. 650 00:27:57.320 --> 00:27:59.920 And so absolutely, absolutely. 651 00:27:59.920 --> 00:28:02.680 Like the phone calls definitely set that up for sure. 652 00:28:02.680 --> 00:28:03.880 Yeah. 653 00:28:03.880 --> 00:28:08.040 So I, it was just, for me, it was like, okay. 654 00:28:08.040 --> 00:28:10.600 Like there were, it was definitely 655 00:28:10.600 --> 00:28:12.440 he did not have physical boundaries. 656 00:28:14.120 --> 00:28:16.240 So, you know, we ended the date 657 00:28:16.240 --> 00:28:19.480 and he like indicated he wanted to go out again. 658 00:28:20.120 --> 00:28:23.080 But then like Sunday, 659 00:28:23.080 --> 00:28:25.080 I didn't talk to him on the phone Sunday, 660 00:28:26.040 --> 00:28:27.800 but I really was just like, 661 00:28:27.800 --> 00:28:29.760 just like kind of processing it and praying it. 662 00:28:29.760 --> 00:28:32.120 Cause it really left me uncomfortable. 663 00:28:33.640 --> 00:28:37.040 And so the craziest thing happened. 664 00:28:37.040 --> 00:28:39.800 So I did prophesy your year two weeks ago 665 00:28:39.800 --> 00:28:41.520 and we were finishing it Sunday night. 666 00:28:41.520 --> 00:28:44.840 And I like, so I was pulling up my workbook that night 667 00:28:44.840 --> 00:28:47.480 and looking through the months we had already completed. 668 00:28:47.480 --> 00:28:49.240 And it wasn't in January, 669 00:28:50.000 --> 00:28:53.280 but in March something was written in there 670 00:28:53.280 --> 00:28:55.160 that freaked me out. 671 00:28:56.520 --> 00:28:58.680 Someone from one of the breakout rooms 672 00:28:58.680 --> 00:29:00.520 actually said this to me, they said, 673 00:29:00.520 --> 00:29:05.240 lean into learning to be charming in March 674 00:29:05.240 --> 00:29:09.520 or recognizing charm that is deceptive and manipulative. 675 00:29:09.520 --> 00:29:12.600 And the sign would be seeing a box of lucky charms. 676 00:29:13.480 --> 00:29:16.320 So the reason that freaked me out is because, 677 00:29:16.960 --> 00:29:21.480 so I'm a big Ohio state football fan. 678 00:29:21.480 --> 00:29:22.720 He was a Michigan fan. 679 00:29:22.720 --> 00:29:24.960 If you know, you know, you know. 680 00:29:25.800 --> 00:29:27.600 So, but it was, you know, it's fun. 681 00:29:27.600 --> 00:29:28.880 We'd razz each other about it. 682 00:29:28.880 --> 00:29:30.720 So we were talking on the phone 683 00:29:30.720 --> 00:29:32.400 while he was watching the Michigan game 684 00:29:32.400 --> 00:29:34.200 when they won the national championship. 685 00:29:34.200 --> 00:29:37.040 And so he started referring to me as his lucky charm. 686 00:29:38.760 --> 00:29:41.560 And then as a joke, 687 00:29:41.560 --> 00:29:43.400 because I thought it was funny. 688 00:29:44.120 --> 00:29:46.200 I bought a box of lucky charm cereal 689 00:29:46.200 --> 00:29:47.880 and gave it to him on Saturday. 690 00:29:47.880 --> 00:29:52.280 Totally forgot that this had happened the Sunday before 691 00:29:52.280 --> 00:29:55.320 that anyone had, totally didn't remember it. 692 00:29:55.320 --> 00:29:59.600 And so I'm reading this and I'm freaking out. 693 00:29:59.600 --> 00:30:00.440 Thank you. 694 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.000 Mandy, yes, go Bucs. 695 00:30:04.000 --> 00:30:07.760 So I'm like, oh my God. 696 00:30:07.760 --> 00:30:10.360 So where have you decided to land with him? 697 00:30:10.360 --> 00:30:13.720 Well, so this is, it's gotten even more interesting. 698 00:30:13.720 --> 00:30:15.640 Like, so I didn't talk to him Sunday. 699 00:30:15.640 --> 00:30:18.360 We did text because he's a big Lions fan and the Lions had. 700 00:30:18.360 --> 00:30:19.480 OK, so let me ask you this. 701 00:30:19.480 --> 00:30:21.360 Did you put a boundary up with the kissing? 702 00:30:21.360 --> 00:30:26.120 So for those who are new to phase two, 703 00:30:26.120 --> 00:30:28.640 this may sound super old fashioned. 704 00:30:28.640 --> 00:30:30.440 This is just a guideline. 705 00:30:30.440 --> 00:30:32.400 You guys are grown, stinking women. 706 00:30:32.400 --> 00:30:34.320 You make your own choices. 707 00:30:34.320 --> 00:30:37.360 But we do not encourage making out 708 00:30:37.360 --> 00:30:40.320 until you know you want to be exclusive. 709 00:30:40.320 --> 00:30:43.640 Because at this point, if you're stating multiple people, 710 00:30:43.640 --> 00:30:46.160 we don't want you swapping spit with everybody. 711 00:30:46.160 --> 00:30:49.560 A hug, a kiss on the cheek, we're fine with that. 712 00:30:49.560 --> 00:30:52.960 And for most of us, we have so many wounds. 713 00:30:52.960 --> 00:30:57.840 And if he's a really hot kisser, we can't see any red flags. 714 00:30:57.840 --> 00:31:02.320 So we don't do that to like be the poo-poo police. 715 00:31:02.320 --> 00:31:04.400 We do that to protect you while you're trying 716 00:31:04.400 --> 00:31:06.560 to get your dating game back on. 717 00:31:06.560 --> 00:31:10.200 We want to make sure you kind of put at bay the making out 718 00:31:10.200 --> 00:31:14.080 till you've really made sure he's a guy that you want to date. 719 00:31:14.080 --> 00:31:15.400 So that's why. 720 00:31:15.400 --> 00:31:17.960 So how did you handle the making out? 721 00:31:17.960 --> 00:31:19.280 No, I just. 722 00:31:19.280 --> 00:31:20.920 Did you just push him to the side? 723 00:31:20.920 --> 00:31:21.600 What did you have to do? 724 00:31:21.600 --> 00:31:22.920 Yes, like both. 725 00:31:22.920 --> 00:31:23.440 OK. 726 00:31:23.440 --> 00:31:24.520 Both. 727 00:31:24.520 --> 00:31:25.800 And how did you handle that? 728 00:31:28.840 --> 00:31:33.200 Definitely still tried to kind of push into that a little bit. 729 00:31:33.200 --> 00:31:35.520 And that's why like Sunday, I was really like, 730 00:31:35.520 --> 00:31:38.640 hmm, this is a red flag to me. 731 00:31:38.640 --> 00:31:40.040 So we didn't. 732 00:31:40.040 --> 00:31:42.400 And you guys, that's the important part. 733 00:31:42.400 --> 00:31:46.960 If he's a gentleman, if he is the three M's, masculine, 734 00:31:46.960 --> 00:31:51.440 marriage-minded, and mature, and then a godly guy, 735 00:31:51.440 --> 00:31:54.800 he's going to do whatever you want to do to feel safe. 736 00:31:54.840 --> 00:31:58.160 Whether it's, I want a video date before I give you 737 00:31:58.160 --> 00:31:59.280 my cell phone number. 738 00:31:59.280 --> 00:32:01.160 I want to go out on a live date before I 739 00:32:01.160 --> 00:32:04.560 let you become Facebook or Instagram friends with me. 740 00:32:04.560 --> 00:32:05.680 No matter what it is. 741 00:32:05.680 --> 00:32:06.320 But here's the thing. 742 00:32:06.320 --> 00:32:07.680 As long as you say, look, I'm just 743 00:32:07.680 --> 00:32:09.080 trying to watch my boundaries. 744 00:32:09.080 --> 00:32:09.920 I'm trying to be safe. 745 00:32:09.920 --> 00:32:11.560 Or you know what? 746 00:32:11.560 --> 00:32:12.480 You're adorable. 747 00:32:12.480 --> 00:32:14.200 I really want to make out with you, too. 748 00:32:14.200 --> 00:32:15.360 But I'm really learning. 749 00:32:15.360 --> 00:32:17.320 I need to rein that in on the first date. 750 00:32:17.320 --> 00:32:19.920 So you let him down and let them know you're still 751 00:32:19.920 --> 00:32:23.560 interested while you're setting up a boundary. 752 00:32:23.560 --> 00:32:26.480 And how well he responds to that boundary 753 00:32:26.480 --> 00:32:29.880 says more to you than whether or not he kissed you or not. 754 00:32:29.880 --> 00:32:31.240 Like him going in for the kiss. 755 00:32:31.240 --> 00:32:32.640 A lot of guys, if they like you, they're 756 00:32:32.640 --> 00:32:33.920 going to go in for the kiss. 757 00:32:33.920 --> 00:32:36.960 So we don't fault the guy for going in for the kiss. 758 00:32:36.960 --> 00:32:40.120 But we fault him if we declare a boundary, 759 00:32:40.120 --> 00:32:41.840 but let him know we're still interested 760 00:32:41.840 --> 00:32:44.680 and they don't appreciate the boundary. 761 00:32:44.680 --> 00:32:48.600 So this is good learning for everybody. 762 00:32:48.600 --> 00:32:50.080 So we didn't talk on Sunday. 763 00:32:50.080 --> 00:32:51.880 Just texted a little. 764 00:32:51.880 --> 00:33:00.000 And then Monday, usually he'll send me a good morning text 765 00:33:00.000 --> 00:33:00.640 or something. 766 00:33:00.640 --> 00:33:01.920 And so he did that. 767 00:33:01.920 --> 00:33:05.920 But then was kind of radio silent the rest of the day, 768 00:33:05.920 --> 00:33:07.640 which is not normal. 769 00:33:07.640 --> 00:33:11.360 And then I tried to call him last night 770 00:33:11.360 --> 00:33:14.400 and he didn't answer, which is also not normal. 771 00:33:14.400 --> 00:33:16.160 And then today, nothing. 772 00:33:16.160 --> 00:33:16.680 Cricket. 773 00:33:16.680 --> 00:33:17.960 Dun, dun, dun. 774 00:33:17.960 --> 00:33:20.120 And tried to call again and didn't. 775 00:33:20.440 --> 00:33:23.160 Immediately went to voicemail. 776 00:33:23.160 --> 00:33:27.160 So definitely has ghosted now. 777 00:33:27.160 --> 00:33:31.760 And it's possible he has ghosted you because you 778 00:33:31.760 --> 00:33:34.840 wouldn't play on that date. 779 00:33:34.840 --> 00:33:35.600 Yeah. 780 00:33:35.600 --> 00:33:39.160 And so that makes you, and you guys, and here's the thing. 781 00:33:39.160 --> 00:33:42.080 It's not that it's not good to connect with somebody 782 00:33:42.080 --> 00:33:43.160 right away. 783 00:33:43.160 --> 00:33:45.200 And I know there's a lot of terms we use. 784 00:33:45.200 --> 00:33:48.240 We say gaslighting, love bombing. 785 00:33:48.240 --> 00:33:49.240 Here's the thing. 786 00:33:49.240 --> 00:33:52.280 We're all capable of diving in too quickly. 787 00:33:52.280 --> 00:33:55.480 Whether someone is clinically love bombing you 788 00:33:55.480 --> 00:33:59.760 or subconsciously love bombing you, we could be guilty of it. 789 00:33:59.760 --> 00:34:01.680 It's just really easy when you finally 790 00:34:01.680 --> 00:34:04.480 meet somebody you connect with to just. 791 00:34:04.480 --> 00:34:07.600 And the problem is, if you don't show restraint. 792 00:34:07.600 --> 00:34:11.719 And so one of the best things I heard a Christian counselor 793 00:34:11.719 --> 00:34:12.840 say to me. 794 00:34:12.840 --> 00:34:15.560 And I was like, I used to work at a pregnancy center 795 00:34:15.560 --> 00:34:17.320 and I used to teach abstinence. 796 00:34:17.320 --> 00:34:23.719 And he said, same muscle that you practice abstinence single 797 00:34:23.719 --> 00:34:27.920 is the same muscle for fidelity married. 798 00:34:27.920 --> 00:34:29.280 It's the same muscle. 799 00:34:29.280 --> 00:34:33.440 If you have a hard time being abstinent as a single person, 800 00:34:33.440 --> 00:34:35.520 do not think that if you finally get married, 801 00:34:35.520 --> 00:34:37.920 you're going to nail down the fidelity thing. 802 00:34:37.920 --> 00:34:39.239 It's the same muscle. 803 00:34:39.239 --> 00:34:40.840 It's learning restraint. 804 00:34:40.840 --> 00:34:43.000 It's not letting your body get ahead of you. 805 00:34:44.000 --> 00:34:46.719 It's mind, spirit, soul, then body. 806 00:34:50.719 --> 00:34:54.560 But in a way, though, Shannon, I'm kind of glad it happened. 807 00:34:54.560 --> 00:34:55.920 But the bummer is. 808 00:34:55.920 --> 00:34:59.000 Well, it revealed true colors sooner. 809 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.000 I revealed it sooner, but here's the thing, 810 00:35:03.000 --> 00:35:06.420 because you guys spent so many hours talking to each other, 811 00:35:06.420 --> 00:35:09.960 it's possible you could have revealed information 812 00:35:09.960 --> 00:35:13.420 about yourself that you don't want a stranger to know. 813 00:35:13.420 --> 00:35:14.340 Do you know what I'm saying? 814 00:35:14.340 --> 00:35:17.680 And so, and that's what happens when we start to, 815 00:35:17.680 --> 00:35:21.820 you know, I call it the emotional or share hangover. 816 00:35:21.820 --> 00:35:23.020 You have a share hangover 817 00:35:23.020 --> 00:35:25.380 because you have this instant bonding connection 818 00:35:25.380 --> 00:35:28.640 and you vomit all this really intimate information 819 00:35:28.640 --> 00:35:30.700 about yourself, and now all of a sudden, 820 00:35:30.700 --> 00:35:32.460 this guy's out there in the world 821 00:35:32.460 --> 00:35:35.780 with that information that's sacred, 822 00:35:35.780 --> 00:35:37.700 and you've just given it away to somebody 823 00:35:37.700 --> 00:35:40.200 who hasn't earned the right to hear that information. 824 00:35:40.200 --> 00:35:42.180 So we wanna make sure that the men 825 00:35:42.180 --> 00:35:45.240 that we are giving our private information to 826 00:35:45.240 --> 00:35:48.300 earn the right to hear that and hold that information. 827 00:35:48.300 --> 00:35:51.580 We wanna hold our information and our story sacred. 828 00:35:51.580 --> 00:35:54.140 So I feel like this story gave you guys 829 00:35:54.140 --> 00:35:55.700 a lot of different nuggets. 830 00:35:55.720 --> 00:36:00.280 Before I'm gonna let the next person go, Amanda Adkins, 831 00:36:00.280 --> 00:36:02.400 are you willing to show us your face? 832 00:36:02.400 --> 00:36:07.400 Can you get off the thing and let me see you, girl? 833 00:36:08.160 --> 00:36:10.520 Because I wanna respond to what you had to say. 834 00:36:12.880 --> 00:36:13.720 There you are. 835 00:36:13.720 --> 00:36:15.160 No, no, you're good. 836 00:36:15.160 --> 00:36:16.920 All right, I wanna see you. 837 00:36:16.920 --> 00:36:18.280 I wanna take a good look at you. 838 00:36:18.280 --> 00:36:19.640 Okay, you're beautiful. 839 00:36:19.640 --> 00:36:20.940 Here's what I wanted to say. 840 00:36:20.940 --> 00:36:23.220 You're beautiful and you have a great smile. 841 00:36:23.220 --> 00:36:26.960 So you just said, no, is it you that said it? 842 00:36:26.960 --> 00:36:27.800 Where is it? 843 00:36:27.800 --> 00:36:29.840 Oh, no, no, no. 844 00:36:29.840 --> 00:36:32.440 I want you to listen to this 845 00:36:32.440 --> 00:36:35.880 and you tell me if this would attract a guy, 846 00:36:35.880 --> 00:36:37.760 because the way you wrote this, 847 00:36:38.760 --> 00:36:43.320 that's the energy you're gonna bring to the room, okay? 848 00:36:43.320 --> 00:36:44.400 I have never dated. 849 00:36:44.400 --> 00:36:46.360 No one has ever been interested in me. 850 00:36:46.360 --> 00:36:48.660 I did some Facebook dating and tried to talk to people, 851 00:36:48.660 --> 00:36:50.000 but I have no game. 852 00:36:50.000 --> 00:36:52.800 No one has ever responded past, hi, how are you? 853 00:36:53.340 --> 00:36:54.180 I have no idea. 854 00:36:55.300 --> 00:36:58.620 Do you hear like the negative energy that's in that? 855 00:36:58.620 --> 00:37:00.900 Now, there is truth. 856 00:37:00.900 --> 00:37:04.280 Remember how Jackie says there's truth and there's facts? 857 00:37:04.280 --> 00:37:06.380 Those might be the facts of your past, 858 00:37:06.380 --> 00:37:08.580 but that is not the truth about who you are. 859 00:37:09.660 --> 00:37:12.320 So the truth about who you are 860 00:37:12.320 --> 00:37:13.980 is that you're an incredible human being 861 00:37:13.980 --> 00:37:16.100 that God has designed and created. 862 00:37:16.100 --> 00:37:18.580 And so when you start to criticize you, 863 00:37:18.580 --> 00:37:21.020 you are criticizing the creator. 864 00:37:21.020 --> 00:37:22.720 And that's true for all of us. 865 00:37:23.500 --> 00:37:26.860 When I start to crap on myself and I don't like my height, 866 00:37:26.860 --> 00:37:29.940 the sound of my voice, all the things, 867 00:37:29.940 --> 00:37:32.680 like I don't like my nose, it's super Italian. 868 00:37:32.680 --> 00:37:34.900 It's like when I start to rag on myself, 869 00:37:34.900 --> 00:37:36.520 I insult the creator. 870 00:37:37.380 --> 00:37:40.940 And the creator designed me just the way he meant to. 871 00:37:40.940 --> 00:37:42.620 And the creator designed Amanda 872 00:37:42.620 --> 00:37:44.540 just the way that he meant to. 873 00:37:44.540 --> 00:37:49.240 And Amanda, I believe he has the counterpart just for you. 874 00:37:49.240 --> 00:37:51.040 Now, does that mean you're gonna snag, 875 00:37:51.040 --> 00:37:52.500 attract all the guys? 876 00:37:53.240 --> 00:37:54.680 No, I don't attract all the guys. 877 00:37:54.680 --> 00:37:57.760 Like you guys, I'm a short four foot 11 Italian girl 878 00:37:57.760 --> 00:37:59.820 with a soccer body, a gymnast body. 879 00:37:59.820 --> 00:38:01.280 That does not attract all the dudes. 880 00:38:01.280 --> 00:38:02.120 It does not. 881 00:38:02.120 --> 00:38:04.740 If he wants a tall, thin girl, he's not picking me. 882 00:38:04.740 --> 00:38:06.080 And then no matter how nice and cute 883 00:38:06.080 --> 00:38:08.500 and sweet and bubbly I am, no matter. 884 00:38:08.500 --> 00:38:11.000 But I don't need all of the guys to pick me. 885 00:38:11.000 --> 00:38:14.780 I just need one guy to pick me, just one. 886 00:38:14.780 --> 00:38:16.600 You guys, my cousin is gorgeous. 887 00:38:16.600 --> 00:38:18.640 She's like Jennifer Aniston gorgeous. 888 00:38:18.640 --> 00:38:21.440 Like literally men have fallen at her feet 889 00:38:21.440 --> 00:38:22.480 since she was 14. 890 00:38:23.320 --> 00:38:24.160 I'm not kidding. 891 00:38:24.160 --> 00:38:24.980 Like I'm not exaggerating. 892 00:38:24.980 --> 00:38:26.380 Fallen, she's in her fifties. 893 00:38:26.380 --> 00:38:28.380 I keep waiting for menopause age, 894 00:38:28.380 --> 00:38:29.980 something to catch up with her. 895 00:38:29.980 --> 00:38:31.660 And it just refuses to. 896 00:38:31.660 --> 00:38:34.140 And she still has men falling all over her. 897 00:38:34.140 --> 00:38:35.060 But you wanna know that? 898 00:38:35.060 --> 00:38:38.820 She was in two of the most abusive marriages ever. 899 00:38:38.820 --> 00:38:41.820 Treated like crap, cheated on. 900 00:38:41.820 --> 00:38:43.000 And so you know what? 901 00:38:43.000 --> 00:38:44.460 We're both single at our age. 902 00:38:44.460 --> 00:38:46.980 And she's like, Renee, I fared no better. 903 00:38:46.980 --> 00:38:49.460 And so don't be looking at the pretty girls 904 00:38:49.460 --> 00:38:51.420 thinking she's gonna have it made in this. 905 00:38:51.420 --> 00:38:53.840 And so I want us to say yet. 906 00:38:53.840 --> 00:38:56.440 That the phrase that Bethany always says is yet. 907 00:38:56.440 --> 00:38:57.360 You know what? 908 00:38:57.360 --> 00:38:59.700 I have not been noticed yet. 909 00:38:59.700 --> 00:39:03.040 I haven't gotten a date yet. 910 00:39:03.040 --> 00:39:05.600 So that's how you're gonna start phrasing stuff. 911 00:39:05.600 --> 00:39:08.300 So you could come on here and go, you know what? 912 00:39:08.300 --> 00:39:10.280 I have not dated yet. 913 00:39:10.280 --> 00:39:12.440 I have not, in the past I've been online 914 00:39:12.440 --> 00:39:16.560 and I have not yet figured out how to attract men yet. 915 00:39:16.560 --> 00:39:17.760 But I'm gonna keep doing this 916 00:39:17.760 --> 00:39:18.880 and I'm gonna keep practicing 917 00:39:18.880 --> 00:39:20.620 and I'm gonna put myself out there. 918 00:39:20.640 --> 00:39:22.880 You guys, Jackie's brought this story up 919 00:39:22.880 --> 00:39:24.440 and she's long gone from the program. 920 00:39:24.440 --> 00:39:26.340 One of the program I was in, 921 00:39:26.340 --> 00:39:28.480 I was with the group three years ago. 922 00:39:28.480 --> 00:39:31.840 Literally the girl least likely. 923 00:39:31.840 --> 00:39:36.280 She was the frumpiest girl, maybe the most overweight. 924 00:39:36.280 --> 00:39:39.160 Then on looks, very sweet personality. 925 00:39:39.160 --> 00:39:42.520 She was like, this is never going to happen for me. 926 00:39:42.520 --> 00:39:44.560 Y'all, she was the first one to get married. 927 00:39:44.560 --> 00:39:46.600 The first one in our group to get married. 928 00:39:46.600 --> 00:39:49.640 And she's like happier than a pig in poo. 929 00:39:49.660 --> 00:39:54.060 So whatever you think is the thing that's holding you back 930 00:39:54.060 --> 00:39:56.900 is the thing that's gonna draw your guy in. 931 00:39:56.900 --> 00:40:00.180 And so I'm just gonna encourage you. 932 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:05.000 to take those negative things and spin them around. 933 00:40:05.020 --> 00:40:08.560 But you guys, men can sniff out desperation. 934 00:40:08.560 --> 00:40:10.880 Like men can sniff out negative attitude. 935 00:40:10.880 --> 00:40:13.200 I don't know about you, but how many of us, 936 00:40:13.200 --> 00:40:16.040 raise your avatar hand if you read a guy's profile 937 00:40:16.040 --> 00:40:18.120 and he's just pissed and negative. 938 00:40:18.120 --> 00:40:19.960 Cause he's like, I don't want any drama. 939 00:40:19.960 --> 00:40:21.440 I'm not giving you my money. 940 00:40:21.440 --> 00:40:22.400 I'm not doing this. 941 00:40:22.400 --> 00:40:23.840 We've all seen that, okay? 942 00:40:23.840 --> 00:40:25.260 We've all seen that profile. 943 00:40:25.260 --> 00:40:27.240 How many of you like that profile? 944 00:40:27.240 --> 00:40:29.560 Nobody likes that profile. 945 00:40:29.560 --> 00:40:33.120 I will never pick a guy that says, I'm easy. 946 00:40:33.120 --> 00:40:35.200 I'm this, I don't want any drama. 947 00:40:35.200 --> 00:40:36.040 Cause you know what? 948 00:40:36.040 --> 00:40:38.080 Usually the people who say, I don't want drama, 949 00:40:38.080 --> 00:40:39.840 they're the ones causing the dang drama. 950 00:40:39.840 --> 00:40:41.280 Women don't like drama either. 951 00:40:41.280 --> 00:40:42.320 Like we don't. 952 00:40:42.320 --> 00:40:45.120 So like, I'm so tired of men saying, I don't want drama. 953 00:40:45.120 --> 00:40:46.680 Really? I don't either. 954 00:40:46.680 --> 00:40:48.880 Like, so maybe it's your fault that it's happening. 955 00:40:48.880 --> 00:40:51.000 You're the common denominator to drama. 956 00:40:51.000 --> 00:40:52.240 I don't know. 957 00:40:52.240 --> 00:40:54.840 So we have to like, you know, 958 00:40:54.840 --> 00:40:58.900 and sometimes you have to act it until it's true. 959 00:40:59.600 --> 00:41:00.440 You just do. 960 00:41:00.440 --> 00:41:02.640 Sometimes you just have to fake it till you make it 961 00:41:02.640 --> 00:41:06.480 because it's like, it really does work y'all 962 00:41:06.480 --> 00:41:08.320 and find your best outfit. 963 00:41:08.320 --> 00:41:11.120 Like you guys, I got this shirt in Italy 964 00:41:11.120 --> 00:41:14.080 and I was wearing my pajamas like 20 minutes 965 00:41:14.080 --> 00:41:16.120 before we all got on the call. 966 00:41:16.120 --> 00:41:17.160 I was tired. 967 00:41:17.160 --> 00:41:18.540 I was not feeling good. 968 00:41:18.540 --> 00:41:19.640 I'd been up all day. 969 00:41:19.640 --> 00:41:23.160 I had class today and I was going to bring that energy 970 00:41:23.160 --> 00:41:24.000 to this session. 971 00:41:24.000 --> 00:41:26.000 So I'm like, all right, girls gotta, you know, 972 00:41:26.000 --> 00:41:27.740 Renee, you got to put some mascara on, 973 00:41:27.740 --> 00:41:31.060 put a little lip gloss on and go get a cute shirt on 974 00:41:31.060 --> 00:41:33.100 because you need to show up with your best self 975 00:41:33.100 --> 00:41:35.220 to go inspire these women. 976 00:41:35.220 --> 00:41:36.940 And so that's what you have to do. 977 00:41:36.940 --> 00:41:39.260 Sometimes you have to put your best outfit on, 978 00:41:39.260 --> 00:41:40.940 go get your hair done, 979 00:41:41.800 --> 00:41:44.900 find your friends to tell you all of the cool things 980 00:41:44.900 --> 00:41:45.740 about you. 981 00:41:45.740 --> 00:41:47.860 Come to prayer, come to prayer, come to prayer, 982 00:41:47.860 --> 00:41:48.700 come to prayer. 983 00:41:49.700 --> 00:41:51.760 So Amanda, I did not mean to pick on you 984 00:41:51.760 --> 00:41:53.700 because you are not alone, 985 00:41:53.700 --> 00:41:55.020 but look at your beautiful smile. 986 00:41:55.020 --> 00:41:56.140 Why would you hide behind? 987 00:41:56.940 --> 00:42:01.180 So I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, 988 00:42:01.180 --> 00:42:03.220 that you are one of a hundred people 989 00:42:03.220 --> 00:42:04.860 that could have written that post. 990 00:42:04.860 --> 00:42:06.420 And you're just going to say yet, 991 00:42:06.420 --> 00:42:07.900 because it's still yet for me. 992 00:42:07.900 --> 00:42:11.580 If it's yet for me, it's yet for you and it is okay. 993 00:42:11.580 --> 00:42:15.020 And if you don't have enough hope, you guys borrow mine, 994 00:42:15.020 --> 00:42:17.460 borrow Bethany's, borrow Jackie's, 995 00:42:18.460 --> 00:42:23.400 because we're going to have enough hope for all of you. 996 00:42:24.920 --> 00:42:25.820 All right, how about that? 997 00:42:26.500 --> 00:42:27.560 Laura, are you ready to ask a question 998 00:42:27.560 --> 00:42:30.220 or bring up a story that you want us to help with you? 999 00:42:31.380 --> 00:42:35.200 I have kind of a story and a question. 1000 00:42:36.720 --> 00:42:41.720 So there's a guy that I go to church, that goes to my church 1001 00:42:42.180 --> 00:42:45.540 and he's in my life group 1002 00:42:45.540 --> 00:42:48.600 and I never see him with anyone. 1003 00:42:48.600 --> 00:42:51.240 I never see him bring anyone. 1004 00:42:51.240 --> 00:42:54.720 I've just, I asked my life group leader, 1005 00:42:54.720 --> 00:42:55.780 is he single? 1006 00:42:55.780 --> 00:43:00.780 Like before I started the heart work stuff, 1007 00:43:03.060 --> 00:43:04.140 I asked her this. 1008 00:43:05.180 --> 00:43:10.060 And so last week we had, 1009 00:43:10.060 --> 00:43:12.180 or this past Sunday we had life group 1010 00:43:12.180 --> 00:43:15.240 and I was really close. 1011 00:43:15.240 --> 00:43:18.620 I was like, I'm going to ask him 1012 00:43:18.620 --> 00:43:20.860 if he wants to go out for coffee or something, 1013 00:43:21.760 --> 00:43:25.640 and I didn't do it, I chickened out. 1014 00:43:25.640 --> 00:43:30.640 Well, I asked for his number and I asked her, 1015 00:43:31.440 --> 00:43:32.760 I said, is this his number? 1016 00:43:32.760 --> 00:43:34.360 And she said, yes. 1017 00:43:34.360 --> 00:43:35.920 And so I texted him 1018 00:43:37.320 --> 00:43:40.620 and I didn't know what kind of answer I would get. 1019 00:43:41.560 --> 00:43:43.960 And so I said, you know, I said, 1020 00:43:43.960 --> 00:43:48.160 hey, I'm kind of stepping out of my comfort zone a little 1021 00:43:48.740 --> 00:43:51.940 and I'm wanting to get to know people in the group. 1022 00:43:51.940 --> 00:43:54.860 And he said, and I said, would you like to, you know, 1023 00:43:54.860 --> 00:43:56.700 get together for a coffee or something? 1024 00:43:56.700 --> 00:44:00.020 I don't know, coffee something sometime, you know, 1025 00:44:00.020 --> 00:44:02.520 I didn't say as a date or anything, 1026 00:44:02.520 --> 00:44:05.520 I just wanted to get together as friends. 1027 00:44:06.520 --> 00:44:10.200 And he finally answered me back and he said, 1028 00:44:10.200 --> 00:44:13.540 that's good that you're stepping out of your comfort zone, 1029 00:44:13.540 --> 00:44:15.420 I need to do that too. 1030 00:44:16.400 --> 00:44:18.740 I appreciate your invitation, 1031 00:44:18.740 --> 00:44:21.200 but I wanna get to know the church, 1032 00:44:21.200 --> 00:44:24.640 get better acquainted with the church itself. 1033 00:44:24.640 --> 00:44:28.160 So I was kind of like, okay. 1034 00:44:28.160 --> 00:44:30.720 I wasn't like this, I was a little discouraged, 1035 00:44:30.720 --> 00:44:33.200 but at the same time, I wasn't like, 1036 00:44:33.200 --> 00:44:35.300 my reaction was better than. 1037 00:44:36.520 --> 00:44:38.960 I'm so, first, I'm so proud of you, Laura. 1038 00:44:38.960 --> 00:44:41.360 And you know what, you're not asking somebody out for a date. 1039 00:44:41.380 --> 00:44:45.540 I also wouldn't say the phrase, let's go out as friends. 1040 00:44:45.540 --> 00:44:48.540 Don't say that, just say, hey, you know what? 1041 00:44:48.540 --> 00:44:50.060 I just feel like I wanted to get, 1042 00:44:50.060 --> 00:44:51.580 I wanted to ask you out for coffee, 1043 00:44:51.580 --> 00:44:53.580 just a chance to get to know you better. 1044 00:44:53.580 --> 00:44:55.280 Get to know you better. 1045 00:44:57.140 --> 00:44:59.100 Just thought I would like to get to know you better. 1046 00:44:59.100 --> 00:45:00.300 So I'm just, that's my. 1047 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.960 to all of you, because sometimes we either say, 1048 00:45:02.960 --> 00:45:05.200 I'd like to ask God on a date, that might be too much. 1049 00:45:05.200 --> 00:45:08.000 Or, hey, let's just go out for coffee just as friends. 1050 00:45:08.000 --> 00:45:09.640 And then that might give the guy the impression 1051 00:45:09.640 --> 00:45:10.640 it's just as friends. 1052 00:45:10.640 --> 00:45:13.920 But I feel like he basically was as polite as he could, 1053 00:45:13.920 --> 00:45:15.760 and he said no. 1054 00:45:15.760 --> 00:45:16.760 Right. 1055 00:45:16.760 --> 00:45:19.480 Here's the good news, Laura, he don't know you. 1056 00:45:19.480 --> 00:45:23.320 So his initial decision was, and here, 1057 00:45:23.320 --> 00:45:25.440 I'm not surprised, because sometimes when guys 1058 00:45:25.440 --> 00:45:27.440 are stepping into a new church, 1059 00:45:27.480 --> 00:45:29.720 they wanna get the lay of the land 1060 00:45:29.720 --> 00:45:32.480 before they couple up with a girl. 1061 00:45:32.480 --> 00:45:34.360 So that might be his true answer. 1062 00:45:34.360 --> 00:45:36.760 Like, it might have nothing to do with you. 1063 00:45:36.760 --> 00:45:41.000 Like, sometimes the no has nothing to do with us. 1064 00:45:41.000 --> 00:45:42.080 And it's just timing. 1065 00:45:42.080 --> 00:45:43.400 So is there a question, though? 1066 00:45:43.400 --> 00:45:44.400 What was your question? 1067 00:45:44.400 --> 00:45:45.720 I'm really proud of you. 1068 00:45:45.720 --> 00:45:47.120 Great job. 1069 00:45:47.120 --> 00:45:48.720 And you didn't take it too personal. 1070 00:45:48.720 --> 00:45:50.920 So also, great job. 1071 00:45:50.920 --> 00:45:55.920 Well, my question was, I asked it on the group page. 1072 00:45:57.560 --> 00:46:02.560 But, like, I just started the Facebook dating thing. 1073 00:46:02.760 --> 00:46:06.240 And I'm like, it's kind of overwhelming. 1074 00:46:06.240 --> 00:46:09.640 And, you know, I've already had guys like me, 1075 00:46:09.640 --> 00:46:12.160 and I'm like, I don't know, you know, 1076 00:46:12.160 --> 00:46:14.680 I don't wanna pass up every guy, 1077 00:46:14.680 --> 00:46:17.360 but most of the guys that have liked me 1078 00:46:17.360 --> 00:46:21.000 are guys I would, I'm not too sure about. 1079 00:46:21.000 --> 00:46:25.200 And of course, there's not a maybe on that. 1080 00:46:25.200 --> 00:46:28.080 And I know, I can't remember if you said 1081 00:46:28.080 --> 00:46:33.080 that you need to wait for them to talk to you. 1082 00:46:33.440 --> 00:46:34.640 No, you don't need to do anything. 1083 00:46:34.640 --> 00:46:35.560 You do what you need to do. 1084 00:46:35.560 --> 00:46:38.760 All right, so on Facebook dating, you guys, 1085 00:46:38.760 --> 00:46:40.080 there's the liked you. 1086 00:46:40.920 --> 00:46:43.080 So here's how I treat the liked me, 1087 00:46:43.080 --> 00:46:44.800 the same way guys treat it. 1088 00:46:46.200 --> 00:46:48.400 If it's a maybe, it's a yes, right? 1089 00:46:48.400 --> 00:46:49.240 It's a maybe. 1090 00:46:49.240 --> 00:46:50.920 Now, usually when a guy, for me, 1091 00:46:50.920 --> 00:46:54.800 starts out with this picture of the fish, that's a no. 1092 00:46:56.200 --> 00:46:57.800 And he didn't say anything else. 1093 00:46:57.800 --> 00:46:59.120 He's not gonna write a profile. 1094 00:46:59.120 --> 00:47:00.000 He ain't my guy. 1095 00:47:01.160 --> 00:47:02.960 So I start, yes, no. 1096 00:47:02.960 --> 00:47:05.000 Then you go to the matches. 1097 00:47:05.000 --> 00:47:09.400 Look, you guys, here's all the guys that, shoot. 1098 00:47:09.400 --> 00:47:13.760 There's like 30 guys that have liked me, and I liked back. 1099 00:47:13.760 --> 00:47:18.200 Now, if I wanted to, I could send that first message. 1100 00:47:18.200 --> 00:47:21.560 And I could, like, hey, I noticed we both liked each other. 1101 00:47:21.560 --> 00:47:23.020 Read my profile. 1102 00:47:23.020 --> 00:47:25.820 If you wanna chat still, I'm here. 1103 00:47:25.820 --> 00:47:28.660 That's a great way to open the conversation. 1104 00:47:28.660 --> 00:47:31.220 That Bumble kind of would force you to do that too, right? 1105 00:47:31.220 --> 00:47:34.580 Because Bumble makes you be the first person. 1106 00:47:34.580 --> 00:47:36.380 So a lot of times with Bumble, I would say, 1107 00:47:36.380 --> 00:47:39.620 hey, looks like we both matched each other. 1108 00:47:39.620 --> 00:47:41.300 Go ahead and read my profile. 1109 00:47:41.300 --> 00:47:43.660 If you're still interested in getting to know me, 1110 00:47:43.660 --> 00:47:46.700 message me, otherwise have a great day, boom. 1111 00:47:46.700 --> 00:47:49.980 So that's how I don't get overwhelmed on Facebook. 1112 00:47:49.980 --> 00:47:52.740 So when you like them and they like you back, 1113 00:47:53.460 --> 00:47:55.700 you've not decided anything, you've not. 1114 00:47:55.700 --> 00:47:57.740 Now, if you really like them, 1115 00:47:57.740 --> 00:48:00.140 you can be the first one to start the message. 1116 00:48:00.140 --> 00:48:03.300 I tend to not, because again, 1117 00:48:03.300 --> 00:48:05.660 I wanna know that a guy's kind of pursuing me. 1118 00:48:05.660 --> 00:48:08.440 But if I see a really, like, good, good match, 1119 00:48:08.440 --> 00:48:10.660 I might go first. 1120 00:48:10.660 --> 00:48:12.420 But usually I wait for them, 1121 00:48:12.420 --> 00:48:14.260 and then they start the conversation. 1122 00:48:14.260 --> 00:48:16.380 Depending on how they start the conversation, 1123 00:48:16.380 --> 00:48:18.940 what they have to say, I give everybody, 1124 00:48:18.940 --> 00:48:20.460 if I've kind of liked them, 1125 00:48:20.460 --> 00:48:22.940 I give everybody a couple sentences. 1126 00:48:22.940 --> 00:48:25.220 But if I was, meh, about him, 1127 00:48:25.220 --> 00:48:28.100 and he doesn't win me over in the texting, 1128 00:48:28.100 --> 00:48:30.020 I don't even push for the video date. 1129 00:48:30.020 --> 00:48:32.860 I just go, and I used to like end it, 1130 00:48:32.860 --> 00:48:35.980 but you guys, I've even gotten like this one guy. 1131 00:48:35.980 --> 00:48:37.620 It's like, he just stopped talking. 1132 00:48:37.620 --> 00:48:39.420 Delete, like, look it, right now, 1133 00:48:39.420 --> 00:48:41.380 delete this conversation, boof. 1134 00:48:41.380 --> 00:48:42.820 I don't know, I'm an explanation. 1135 00:48:42.820 --> 00:48:44.620 We've not really talked much, boom. 1136 00:48:44.620 --> 00:48:46.140 So that's how you not make, 1137 00:48:46.140 --> 00:48:48.340 Shannon's laughing at me. 1138 00:48:48.340 --> 00:48:50.440 That's how you not make a big deal out of it. 1139 00:48:50.440 --> 00:48:54.020 It's just like, you're not gonna miss your guy. 1140 00:48:54.020 --> 00:48:55.020 You're not gonna miss your guy. 1141 00:48:55.020 --> 00:48:57.660 So I tend to now have given more people chances. 1142 00:48:57.660 --> 00:48:59.220 Again, I've been on this longer, you guys, 1143 00:48:59.220 --> 00:49:02.220 so I've earned the right to skip past the fishmen. 1144 00:49:02.220 --> 00:49:04.620 Like, I already know where this is gonna go 1145 00:49:04.620 --> 00:49:05.620 with the fishermen. 1146 00:49:07.580 --> 00:49:09.020 And so, like, I can do that. 1147 00:49:09.020 --> 00:49:11.860 But if y'all just starting, you go talk to the fishermen. 1148 00:49:11.860 --> 00:49:13.260 You gotta give him a chance. 1149 00:49:14.440 --> 00:49:16.140 So that's my guidance to you. 1150 00:49:16.140 --> 00:49:19.140 Carolyn, I'm very excited for you to go. 1151 00:49:20.420 --> 00:49:24.140 And Carolyn, you have to give everybody 1152 00:49:24.140 --> 00:49:27.180 like a one minute update of your situation. 1153 00:49:27.180 --> 00:49:30.380 Cause you were part of the homework from last week, right? 1154 00:49:30.380 --> 00:49:32.220 That's why I raised my hand, Renee. 1155 00:49:32.220 --> 00:49:33.060 I'm so proud of you. 1156 00:49:33.060 --> 00:49:34.820 I was afraid you weren't gonna show up. 1157 00:49:34.820 --> 00:49:36.820 All right, give everybody one minute summary 1158 00:49:36.820 --> 00:49:40.340 of your situation and we're gonna see how you're doing. 1159 00:49:40.340 --> 00:49:41.580 Can I just razz you though? 1160 00:49:41.580 --> 00:49:45.020 Because you asked, you know, for like, not tough love 1161 00:49:45.020 --> 00:49:47.100 and, you know, Jackie was so nice 1162 00:49:47.100 --> 00:49:48.380 and I asked for not tough love 1163 00:49:48.380 --> 00:49:50.220 and then you gave me tough love last week. 1164 00:49:50.220 --> 00:49:52.060 Can I just say, I'm a brave woman 1165 00:49:52.060 --> 00:49:53.980 to come back here right now. 1166 00:49:53.980 --> 00:49:56.660 Can I just call you out, Renee? 1167 00:49:56.660 --> 00:49:57.500 I love you. 1168 00:49:58.900 --> 00:49:59.740 Fair enough. 1169 00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:01.920 Oh, fair enough. 1170 00:50:02.160 --> 00:50:08.680 In my defense, in my defense, I had 11 weeks in a row of tough love with my 1171 00:50:08.680 --> 00:50:14.120 coach, I wanted one week of a pity party, but I feel you and I apologize. 1172 00:50:14.160 --> 00:50:17.600 And I'm actually really proud that both you and Shannon showed up today. 1173 00:50:19.040 --> 00:50:21.080 Cause y'all need to be in the hot seat. 1174 00:50:21.880 --> 00:50:23.080 There's a third person. 1175 00:50:23.080 --> 00:50:25.800 I can't remember who it is, but there is a third person. 1176 00:50:26.680 --> 00:50:27.560 No, it was the girl. 1177 00:50:27.600 --> 00:50:28.400 It was the, um, 1178 00:50:29.240 --> 00:50:31.600 I don't want to say Hannah. 1179 00:50:34.000 --> 00:50:35.640 Anyway, your story, it's your turn. 1180 00:50:36.360 --> 00:50:36.640 I don't know. 1181 00:50:36.920 --> 00:50:37.200 I don't know. 1182 00:50:37.280 --> 00:50:37.520 Okay. 1183 00:50:37.880 --> 00:50:38.200 Sorry. 1184 00:50:38.280 --> 00:50:43.560 Um, yeah, so really quick, basically dated somebody in September that really 1185 00:50:43.560 --> 00:50:49.080 turned my head because there were like all these things that lined up like boom, 1186 00:50:49.080 --> 00:50:49.800 boom, boom, boom. 1187 00:50:49.880 --> 00:50:53.560 There's one thing that God's like, if that doesn't change, it won't work. 1188 00:50:53.560 --> 00:50:59.600 But like mission minded, like all these things, like wealthy, which is nice. 1189 00:50:59.600 --> 00:51:03.440 Like, anyway, adopted kids from Ethiopia, blah, blah, blah, blah. 1190 00:51:03.880 --> 00:51:05.320 Like all this really amazing stuff. 1191 00:51:05.360 --> 00:51:08.280 And then took a couple of times and then we started to really like 1192 00:51:08.280 --> 00:51:11.120 each other and, uh, really fun. 1193 00:51:11.120 --> 00:51:14.400 It was like, it seemed like I was really gonna take off. 1194 00:51:14.680 --> 00:51:16.280 And then I did something I've never done before. 1195 00:51:16.280 --> 00:51:19.400 And I kissed him, like got all up in there. 1196 00:51:19.400 --> 00:51:20.960 Like, well, what the heck? 1197 00:51:21.200 --> 00:51:24.760 Like, I'm going to have kids people, but like not so soon when I don't 1198 00:51:24.760 --> 00:51:29.320 really know them yet, like what in the heavens, man, just saying. 1199 00:51:29.560 --> 00:51:31.200 Carolyn is thirsty right now. 1200 00:51:31.200 --> 00:51:31.680 Lord help. 1201 00:51:32.000 --> 00:51:36.760 So anyway, 42 plastic about it. 1202 00:51:36.760 --> 00:51:38.880 So we're not going to read it again. 1203 00:51:39.080 --> 00:51:40.320 Hey, I already know. 1204 00:51:40.760 --> 00:51:41.920 But anyway, so. 1205 00:51:42.520 --> 00:51:46.440 So yeah, long story short, Scott wanted to be friends and I was like, 1206 00:51:46.480 --> 00:51:48.080 I can't be friends owner. 1207 00:51:48.080 --> 00:51:50.680 You guys, he went all time heavy. 1208 00:51:50.840 --> 00:51:55.000 Then he went on some other woman, his ex-girlfriend came back and he's all 1209 00:51:55.000 --> 00:51:57.360 like, you know, not just kissing her. 1210 00:51:57.400 --> 00:51:57.880 Right. 1211 00:51:57.920 --> 00:51:58.440 Yeah. 1212 00:51:58.600 --> 00:51:59.680 So yuck. 1213 00:51:59.960 --> 00:52:02.040 So what the heck anyway? 1214 00:52:02.040 --> 00:52:03.840 And so I was like, no, no, I can't really be friends. 1215 00:52:03.840 --> 00:52:05.440 And then it went, so I've tried to block him. 1216 00:52:05.480 --> 00:52:07.040 Then I unblocked him. 1217 00:52:07.720 --> 00:52:09.520 And then like, but we haven't. 1218 00:52:09.560 --> 00:52:14.560 And then, and then at some point he did boomerang back in November. 1219 00:52:14.560 --> 00:52:16.080 He did whiplash me again. 1220 00:52:16.080 --> 00:52:17.760 He came back with, okay. 1221 00:52:17.760 --> 00:52:22.960 In two weeks, you want to like, try again and totally like, and then the next day 1222 00:52:23.320 --> 00:52:24.040 goes, nevermind. 1223 00:52:24.560 --> 00:52:25.360 And so I was like, 1224 00:52:26.640 --> 00:52:32.120 and this guy has gone hot and heavy friend zoned back to the old girlfriend, 1225 00:52:32.280 --> 00:52:33.920 hot and heavy friend zone. 1226 00:52:33.920 --> 00:52:39.160 And he's played this game with her a few times, but, but basically he like popped 1227 00:52:39.160 --> 00:52:43.640 up again last week or the week before just saying, I really can, are you ready 1228 00:52:43.640 --> 00:52:45.040 just to be friends and talk? 1229 00:52:45.120 --> 00:52:48.520 And I'm like, we don't really have a friend base. 1230 00:52:48.560 --> 00:52:51.880 You know, I have guy friends where we thought about it and now we're like in the 1231 00:52:51.880 --> 00:52:52.600 friend zone again. 1232 00:52:52.600 --> 00:52:56.400 And now he wants to be just friends with her. 1233 00:52:56.920 --> 00:52:57.160 Yeah. 1234 00:52:57.160 --> 00:52:59.760 So, so he still has attraction to him. 1235 00:53:00.240 --> 00:53:02.320 Well, yeah, I want to make out with him. 1236 00:53:02.320 --> 00:53:02.880 Are you kidding? 1237 00:53:02.960 --> 00:53:03.240 Right. 1238 00:53:03.640 --> 00:53:08.800 And we basically, my advice to her last, so my tough love last week was I was 1239 00:53:08.800 --> 00:53:13.640 worried that if she continued to be friends with the guy and my mind you, they didn't 1240 00:53:13.640 --> 00:53:14.880 start out as friends. 1241 00:53:15.560 --> 00:53:18.240 And so they kind of started out with potentially dating. 1242 00:53:18.480 --> 00:53:19.880 There was some chemistry. 1243 00:53:19.920 --> 00:53:21.400 There was a little making out. 1244 00:53:21.480 --> 00:53:22.640 He left and came back. 1245 00:53:22.640 --> 00:53:25.560 So he's like, man, can we just be friends? 1246 00:53:25.880 --> 00:53:27.360 But she doesn't want to just be friends. 1247 00:53:27.360 --> 00:53:33.440 And we talked about my worry that this is going to stunt her from finding a healthy 1248 00:53:33.440 --> 00:53:35.440 guy who's all in. 1249 00:53:35.760 --> 00:53:38.360 It's one thing when you both have zero attraction. 1250 00:53:38.360 --> 00:53:38.680 I don't know. 1251 00:53:38.680 --> 00:53:40.760 I grew up in the era of when Harry met Sally. 1252 00:53:41.040 --> 00:53:44.320 So I think it's very hard for people of the opposite sex. 1253 00:53:44.320 --> 00:53:46.760 I am of that camp to be best friends. 1254 00:53:46.760 --> 00:53:47.640 I know it happens. 1255 00:53:47.640 --> 00:53:51.120 And there's some random, there's rare moments when you have that brother sister 1256 00:53:51.120 --> 00:53:56.080 relationship, but if you've already proven that their chemistry is there and one of 1257 00:53:56.080 --> 00:53:58.120 you feels the chemistry at least. 1258 00:53:58.600 --> 00:54:02.560 Um, and the thing is he knows you feel the chemistry and so, and he's not doing. 1259 00:54:02.600 --> 00:54:02.800 Yeah. 1260 00:54:02.800 --> 00:54:03.240 Anyway. 1261 00:54:03.480 --> 00:54:06.080 So what have you decided to do with him in the last week? 1262 00:54:06.280 --> 00:54:09.400 Have you decided to keep talking to him, not keep talking to them? 1263 00:54:10.360 --> 00:54:13.200 Uh, well, um. 1264 00:54:14.520 --> 00:54:16.280 He messaged me last Monday. 1265 00:54:16.280 --> 00:54:18.960 So that was before our thing Tuesday. 1266 00:54:19.880 --> 00:54:20.960 And I didn't hear from him. 1267 00:54:20.960 --> 00:54:23.160 I had sent back a message saying, how can I pray for you? 1268 00:54:23.160 --> 00:54:24.480 And then he didn't send anything. 1269 00:54:24.480 --> 00:54:26.160 And then Friday I was at a worship night. 1270 00:54:26.160 --> 00:54:29.360 I honestly, I know you're going to think I'm crazy, but I really felt like I was 1271 00:54:29.360 --> 00:54:30.080 supposed to call him. 1272 00:54:30.080 --> 00:54:32.080 So I called him to see what's going on. 1273 00:54:32.920 --> 00:54:39.440 So he was actually had a really hard week and needed some prayer and I didn't pray 1274 00:54:39.440 --> 00:54:40.720 for him on the phone or anything. 1275 00:54:40.840 --> 00:54:44.600 Um, and he doesn't, he doesn't talk long on the phone. 1276 00:54:45.000 --> 00:54:46.360 Like he's cuts it short. 1277 00:54:46.440 --> 00:54:52.200 So, uh, but yeah, it was just really short catch up, but then I think, yeah, he 1278 00:54:52.200 --> 00:54:57.280 messaged me yesterday saying, oh, you came to my mind and I was praying for you. 1279 00:54:57.280 --> 00:54:59.440 And I felt like God said all this and I'm just like, ah. 1280 00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.680 I don't want to hear from her. 1281 00:55:02.680 --> 00:55:08.040 So I think I haven't been able to make a strong decision because I know part of my heart is 1282 00:55:08.040 --> 00:55:11.960 just like, I want this to be a different story than it is. 1283 00:55:11.960 --> 00:55:13.800 And it's not the story I want. 1284 00:55:13.800 --> 00:55:15.800 And I'm so tired of this story. 1285 00:55:15.800 --> 00:55:18.040 And it's like the story. 1286 00:55:18.040 --> 00:55:19.040 Yeah. 1287 00:55:19.040 --> 00:55:22.480 I mean, and here's the thing, you guys, we've all, we shall call him, his name's really 1288 00:55:22.480 --> 00:55:24.320 Scott or did you just call him Scott? 1289 00:55:24.320 --> 00:55:25.320 We've all had a Scott. 1290 00:55:25.320 --> 00:55:26.320 Okay. 1291 00:55:26.320 --> 00:55:27.320 We all have this. 1292 00:55:27.320 --> 00:55:28.760 We've all had a Scott in our life. 1293 00:55:28.760 --> 00:55:32.560 And you guys, in fact, my Scott just found me on Facebook. 1294 00:55:32.560 --> 00:55:37.400 It's been 35 years. 1295 00:55:37.400 --> 00:55:39.960 He owned a house on the lake. 1296 00:55:39.960 --> 00:55:44.240 I kept trying to break up with him, but it was really hard because he owned a house on 1297 00:55:44.240 --> 00:55:46.640 the lake and he was yummy. 1298 00:55:46.640 --> 00:55:50.440 And Oh my gosh, I did so many inappropriate things with him, but that's before I really 1299 00:55:50.440 --> 00:55:52.920 like Jesus got ahold of me. 1300 00:55:52.920 --> 00:55:55.280 And so that's the crazy though. 1301 00:55:55.280 --> 00:55:57.080 That's the chick he reached out to, right? 1302 00:55:57.080 --> 00:55:58.480 35 years has gone by. 1303 00:55:59.200 --> 00:56:01.800 So he doesn't know, like I'm all Jesus girl and like that little, that little romp in 1304 00:56:01.800 --> 00:56:04.080 the hay is not going to happen. 1305 00:56:04.080 --> 00:56:08.760 And he started out trying to be the boyfriend, but then we broke up and the weirdest thing 1306 00:56:08.760 --> 00:56:12.440 was he was the best non-boyfriend I had for the longest time. 1307 00:56:12.440 --> 00:56:15.920 Like he behaved like a boyfriend, but we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend. 1308 00:56:15.920 --> 00:56:18.440 And I thought, my gosh, this is the best non-boyfriend I ever had. 1309 00:56:18.440 --> 00:56:19.880 We're totally going to get married. 1310 00:56:19.880 --> 00:56:24.520 Well, the holidays rolled around and I was not included in the holidays at all with his 1311 00:56:24.520 --> 00:56:25.520 family. 1312 00:56:25.520 --> 00:56:27.240 And he was like, Renee, we're not even dating. 1313 00:56:27.240 --> 00:56:31.400 And I'm like, but you literally, I'm the first person you call every morning. 1314 00:56:31.400 --> 00:56:34.200 I'm the last person you talk to at night. 1315 00:56:34.200 --> 00:56:38.760 We, you know, like what's not dating in this. 1316 00:56:38.760 --> 00:56:42.880 And so we, so I don't say any, I don't give you a hard time because I've not had that 1317 00:56:42.880 --> 00:56:43.880 guy. 1318 00:56:43.880 --> 00:56:49.280 I'm just saying that guy is going to stop us from meeting our guy. 1319 00:56:49.280 --> 00:56:55.200 And so he's just not pursuing you and he knows you're interested. 1320 00:56:55.200 --> 00:56:58.400 And so you can keep talking to him. 1321 00:56:58.400 --> 00:56:59.400 And oh, the praying thing. 1322 00:56:59.400 --> 00:57:01.160 I wanted to warn you about the praying thing. 1323 00:57:01.160 --> 00:57:03.360 Jackie's really kind of clear about this. 1324 00:57:03.360 --> 00:57:08.460 Now, I have balked at her saying this sometimes, but I'm really understanding what she means 1325 00:57:08.460 --> 00:57:09.460 by this. 1326 00:57:09.460 --> 00:57:13.680 We can create soul ties with people that we are praying for. 1327 00:57:13.680 --> 00:57:19.160 And so, and we've all used the Holy Spirit, and I've been saying we do it consciously 1328 00:57:19.160 --> 00:57:21.480 like, oh, the Holy Spirit made me think of you. 1329 00:57:21.480 --> 00:57:22.480 Really? 1330 00:57:22.480 --> 00:57:23.480 Really? 1331 00:57:23.480 --> 00:57:24.480 Was it the Holy Spirit? 1332 00:57:24.760 --> 00:57:25.760 Yeah. 1333 00:57:25.760 --> 00:57:26.760 And I feel like I'm supposed to pray for you. 1334 00:57:26.760 --> 00:57:33.280 And it just continues to create a bond with that person, an intimate bond in a way that 1335 00:57:33.280 --> 00:57:35.200 maybe is not what we're supposed to have. 1336 00:57:35.200 --> 00:57:40.520 So I kind of feel like I'm praying for you or the Lord told me the Holy Spirit led me 1337 00:57:40.520 --> 00:57:41.520 to call you. 1338 00:57:41.520 --> 00:57:46.520 I feel like that's just Christianese for bow cheeky, bow out. 1339 00:57:46.520 --> 00:57:52.920 I'm just saying, it's just, it's just window dressing for creating a connection. 1340 00:57:52.920 --> 00:57:56.360 You know, like I was a cheerleader in college and we used to go to cheerleading camp and 1341 00:57:56.360 --> 00:57:59.240 guys would go, hey, do you want to go learn a partner stunt? 1342 00:57:59.240 --> 00:58:01.840 Yes, let's go learn some partner stunts. 1343 00:58:01.840 --> 00:58:04.600 And so like, it's like, it just reminds me of that. 1344 00:58:04.600 --> 00:58:08.560 It's like, it's under the guise of something so innocent, but it's not. 1345 00:58:08.560 --> 00:58:11.080 So I'm just going to encourage you guys. 1346 00:58:11.080 --> 00:58:12.720 And so I'm glad you brought that up, Caroline. 1347 00:58:12.720 --> 00:58:19.600 So if you are listening to this, either in replay or live, and you can fall into that 1348 00:58:19.600 --> 00:58:25.920 trap of using prayer to keep a guy in the story or vice versa, just know that that can 1349 00:58:25.920 --> 00:58:27.680 also create a soul tie. 1350 00:58:27.680 --> 00:58:30.000 And Jackie and I would just warn you against that. 1351 00:58:30.000 --> 00:58:36.360 It's just, it just, it can create false intimacy, just like good sex can create false intimacy. 1352 00:58:36.360 --> 00:58:40.440 And that's hard because praying for somebody seems so innocent and it seems that's like 1353 00:58:40.440 --> 00:58:42.480 a noble, noble thing. 1354 00:58:42.480 --> 00:58:43.480 Yeah. 1355 00:58:43.480 --> 00:58:44.480 Okay. 1356 00:58:44.480 --> 00:58:48.400 Well, I'm just going to be praying for you, Caroline. 1357 00:58:48.400 --> 00:58:49.400 And you know what? 1358 00:58:49.400 --> 00:58:50.600 I am really proud of you for showing back up. 1359 00:58:50.600 --> 00:58:53.360 I did tough love you a bunch last week about it. 1360 00:58:53.360 --> 00:59:00.960 And I think it's only because I lost a lot of years of my singleness to those men. 1361 00:59:00.960 --> 00:59:07.520 And I waited and baited and waited and baited and waited and baited. 1362 00:59:07.520 --> 00:59:13.920 And I don't want to see you do that too, but I support you and we care about you. 1363 00:59:13.920 --> 00:59:20.520 And I know God's got his very best for you and you are worthy to be pursued as all of 1364 00:59:20.520 --> 00:59:21.640 you ladies are. 1365 00:59:21.640 --> 00:59:27.280 So I'm hoping as you're hearing these women share their story, you're like, oh, that's 1366 00:59:27.280 --> 00:59:29.200 so me. 1367 00:59:29.200 --> 00:59:30.200 So me. 1368 00:59:30.200 --> 00:59:32.880 So thank you ladies for being brave. 1369 00:59:32.880 --> 00:59:41.160 Does somebody else want to hop in the seat with either a question, a situation or a ha? 1370 00:59:41.160 --> 00:59:42.600 We have a good crowd tonight. 1371 00:59:42.600 --> 00:59:43.600 So I'm super excited. 1372 00:59:44.280 --> 00:59:45.280 Some of you are like, heck no, man. 1373 00:59:45.280 --> 00:59:52.080 Y'all just, like y'all just scared me, but y'all were brave. 1374 00:59:52.080 --> 00:59:55.880 I'm looking around, I'm looking around, I'm going to, I'm going to start calling on people 1375 00:59:55.880 --> 00:59:56.880 now. 1376 00:59:56.880 --> 00:59:57.880 I'm kidding. 1377 00:59:57.880 --> 00:59:58.880 All right. 1378 00:59:58.880 --> 00:59:59.880 Um, long distance. 1379 01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:07.680 dating. Let's see. I feel like I covered, I feel like I covered all of the topics that 1380 01:00:07.680 --> 01:00:13.040 Bethany wanted me to. You guys stay in community. Don't be afraid to like, you're gonna be like, 1381 01:00:13.040 --> 01:00:17.440 oh my gosh, there's no way I'm going to tell my bad dating stories. You guys have to do it. Like, 1382 01:00:17.440 --> 01:00:21.360 we all have to do it. This is the only way you're going to grow and learn and support one another. 1383 01:00:21.360 --> 01:00:24.320 If you, and especially if you meet somebody that you really, really like, 1384 01:00:24.880 --> 01:00:32.160 um, don't walk away from this community, date in this community, um, it'll be too easy for you to 1385 01:00:32.160 --> 01:00:38.080 slip up back up at old patterns. And so just hold each other accountable. You guys speak the truth 1386 01:00:38.080 --> 01:00:45.440 in love, be kind, speak the truth in love, watch what you say in the chat rooms, watch what you 1387 01:00:45.440 --> 01:00:51.360 say on people's feeds. It's really easy to drag each other down. So just try to encourage one 1388 01:00:51.360 --> 01:00:56.320 another, let the coaches coach, but you can always be encouraging. You can always speak 1389 01:00:56.320 --> 01:01:02.560 life into people, um, and remind people of that. So I'm looking, I've, I remember so many of your 1390 01:01:02.560 --> 01:01:08.560 faces from the challenge and from phase one. And you guys, here's what I continue to be reminded of 1391 01:01:08.560 --> 01:01:18.000 is there is a sea of great godly, gorgeous women that deserve strong masculine men. And we have 1392 01:01:18.000 --> 01:01:25.920 been accepting crumbs at the bottom of the buffet for too long. And we deserve the banquet and to 1393 01:01:25.920 --> 01:01:30.560 deserve the banquet. It means that we have to do some preparation. It means that we need to 1394 01:01:30.560 --> 01:01:35.280 be preparing. And it means that we need, you know, it's kind of like when you go to a restaurant, 1395 01:01:35.280 --> 01:01:38.800 you don't want to overfill yourself on the appetizer and the bread, and then you don't 1396 01:01:38.800 --> 01:01:44.560 get to enjoy the encore or the main course. Um, we want to make sure you get to enjoy the main course. 1397 01:01:45.520 --> 01:01:49.200 And I will say this, and I, and I say this as somebody who's still single, you guys, 1398 01:01:50.240 --> 01:01:54.640 being a part of this community has changed my life. It has filled a hole. Like I have a ton 1399 01:01:54.640 --> 01:02:00.000 of friends. I have a ton of acquaintances, but most of my married friend population have no idea 1400 01:02:00.000 --> 01:02:06.480 how to handle my singleness. It's either gone from like, okay, you're just too picky. And I might be, 1401 01:02:06.480 --> 01:02:11.440 I mean, I might be, or you've been too busy in ministry and you know, you didn't make time for 1402 01:02:11.440 --> 01:02:17.040 anybody also true. Um, but they have no, they don't have the same compassion. They don't have 1403 01:02:17.040 --> 01:02:21.600 the same capacity. They don't have the same understanding. So I've stopped expecting my 1404 01:02:21.600 --> 01:02:27.120 married friends to understand all the stuff that I'm going through. This community understands 1405 01:02:27.120 --> 01:02:33.200 we are here with you, but I promise like, since I've been in this community, like I had the guts 1406 01:02:33.200 --> 01:02:38.480 to leave running a nonprofit after 18 years, I published a book. I got into seminary school. 1407 01:02:39.040 --> 01:02:46.320 Um, I'm losing weight, healthy. Um, I feel worthy and valued and loved. Like I know I'm going to 1408 01:02:46.320 --> 01:02:50.320 make a great wife and I know my guy's coming. Like I know it in my knower. I felt like I've 1409 01:02:50.320 --> 01:02:56.080 got my wedding date, which I don't even say that out loud very often, but, and I'm going to get to 1410 01:02:56.080 --> 01:03:01.600 walk into that relationship in a much healthier place and a much calmer place. I'm not going to 1411 01:03:01.600 --> 01:03:06.160 be desperate. I'm not rushing. I don't care. I don't care if I finished last in this race to 1412 01:03:06.160 --> 01:03:10.880 get married. You guys, I'm going to marry a great guy. I always used to say I'd rather be 1413 01:03:10.880 --> 01:03:16.080 married to the right person for two years than the wrong one for 20. And so this is not a race. 1414 01:03:16.080 --> 01:03:24.080 This is not who finishes first. It's just, we want to finish well. And, um, I'm, I'm living my best 1415 01:03:24.080 --> 01:03:31.200 life right now. And Jackie wants you to live your best life right now too. So, um, she always says 1416 01:03:31.200 --> 01:03:37.280 the guy is the icing on the cake. I don't know why some women in this community find their guy 1417 01:03:37.280 --> 01:03:41.920 right away. And some of us have to wait longer. I don't have an earthly answer for that, but I 1418 01:03:41.920 --> 01:03:48.000 trust God. I have to, and I said this last week, if I can trust God with something as big as my 1419 01:03:48.000 --> 01:03:53.520 salvation and where I'm going to spend eternity, then I have to be able to trust him with my 1420 01:03:53.520 --> 01:03:58.880 married life too. And my single life, like I just have to, um, or else I don't trust him with my 1421 01:03:58.880 --> 01:04:04.160 salvation. I don't trust that he's God. So God is good all the time. All the time. God is good. 1422 01:04:04.160 --> 01:04:09.360 He is moving in even when we don't see it. So I feel like that's my encouragement to you. And I 1423 01:04:09.360 --> 01:04:14.960 think I'm just, if there's not another comment question, aha, I'm going to hold open like 30 1424 01:04:14.960 --> 01:04:20.320 more seconds to make sure somebody else didn't get to ask something. You matter. So if you've 1425 01:04:20.320 --> 01:04:24.080 got a question or aha, what you have to say matters, it might be the very thing someone 1426 01:04:24.080 --> 01:04:33.520 else needs to hear. Can I ask a question? Yes, ma'am. Yes. Hi, I'm Swanna. Yes. You're, 1427 01:04:33.520 --> 01:04:41.440 you're a hoot by the way. I, you're just, it was just fun hearing your stories. Um, 1428 01:04:41.440 --> 01:04:47.200 since I just jumped on phase two, um, uh, you know, there's the videos. I literally haven't 1429 01:04:47.200 --> 01:04:53.120 had a chance to do much of anything. So all of this will go in or a certain order because 1430 01:04:53.120 --> 01:04:59.840 obviously being on all these different websites and all that down the road. Right. Just, yeah. 1431 01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:03.920 Just enjoy like we encourage you guys to come to the check-ins. 1432 01:05:03.920 --> 01:05:07.280 So you guys aren't all going at the same pace anymore. 1433 01:05:07.280 --> 01:05:10.640 So it used to be each week we were talking about a different topic. 1434 01:05:10.640 --> 01:05:16.000 Now in general, we are discussing the things that got highlighted during your roll call. 1435 01:05:16.000 --> 01:05:20.400 And the beauty is sort of like now you're starting to hear from us in different phases. 1436 01:05:20.400 --> 01:05:25.680 So now when you watch the videos, you're gonna be like, oh my gosh, you're gonna have ahas. 1437 01:05:25.680 --> 01:05:28.240 And when you start dating, you're gonna be like, oh, well, good. 1438 01:05:28.240 --> 01:05:29.200 She made that mistake. 1439 01:05:29.200 --> 01:05:30.800 Now I'm not gonna make that mistake. 1440 01:05:30.800 --> 01:05:35.280 So that's the beauty of you guys all being in here at different spots 1441 01:05:35.280 --> 01:05:40.000 is that even if you're like, that's not me yet, but you're like, oh, that's a nugget. 1442 01:05:40.000 --> 01:05:44.640 I'm gonna take that nugget with me because we all keep learning. 1443 01:05:44.640 --> 01:05:48.720 And every week you guys have new and different questions that aren't in the training. 1444 01:05:48.720 --> 01:05:51.520 And so it all just kind of compounds at all. 1445 01:05:51.520 --> 01:05:54.160 So you just enjoy the process. 1446 01:05:54.160 --> 01:05:54.660 Jennifer. 1447 01:05:56.480 --> 01:05:56.980 Hi. 1448 01:05:57.280 --> 01:05:57.680 Okay. 1449 01:05:57.680 --> 01:06:01.600 So real quick, I don't know if you remember me from last time. 1450 01:06:01.600 --> 01:06:04.960 Yes, you were the one that also needed to give an update. 1451 01:06:04.960 --> 01:06:06.800 I knew there was someone else. 1452 01:06:08.480 --> 01:06:08.880 Yeah. 1453 01:06:08.880 --> 01:06:10.640 So I did break the homework. 1454 01:06:10.640 --> 01:06:14.560 I did talk to him the next day, but I remembered your words. 1455 01:06:14.560 --> 01:06:15.440 It's really hard. 1456 01:06:15.440 --> 01:06:21.120 And we did hang out, but I did start feeling that pressure to have sex again. 1457 01:06:21.120 --> 01:06:27.600 So I did cut it off with him and I blocked him, but I told him, you know, I think you're great. 1458 01:06:28.160 --> 01:06:34.640 I do wish only the best for you, but I don't know if you understand this, but for me, sex is a sin. 1459 01:06:34.640 --> 01:06:37.520 And so I just ended it. 1460 01:06:37.520 --> 01:06:43.840 So I went on hinge because I heard one of your talks about how it's your attitude. 1461 01:06:45.120 --> 01:06:46.560 And so I went on hinge. 1462 01:06:46.560 --> 01:06:49.600 So this guy, he wants to get coffee this weekend. 1463 01:06:51.120 --> 01:06:51.680 Yeah. 1464 01:06:51.680 --> 01:06:55.520 But like Mariners is having like a night of worship with Matt Redmond. 1465 01:06:55.520 --> 01:06:57.680 Would that be too much to ask him to go to that? 1466 01:07:01.760 --> 01:07:02.480 Just music. 1467 01:07:03.360 --> 01:07:04.880 I know, but here's the problem. 1468 01:07:04.880 --> 01:07:06.240 You won't be able to talk to him. 1469 01:07:07.280 --> 01:07:10.160 That's the point because I haven't met him before. 1470 01:07:10.160 --> 01:07:11.520 So then you have a concert. 1471 01:07:13.280 --> 01:07:14.000 I will say this. 1472 01:07:14.000 --> 01:07:15.680 Would you do the coffee before this? 1473 01:07:16.880 --> 01:07:17.360 Yeah. 1474 01:07:17.360 --> 01:07:19.360 You could always have it in your back pocket. 1475 01:07:19.920 --> 01:07:23.680 If the date's going really well, you could always say like, I know this sounds crazy 1476 01:07:23.680 --> 01:07:26.080 and it's totally last minute, but I'm about to go do this. 1477 01:07:26.080 --> 01:07:27.120 Did you want to come with me? 1478 01:07:28.000 --> 01:07:28.400 Okay. 1479 01:07:28.400 --> 01:07:33.680 Or if the date's going, you're gonna be like, hey, I hate to do this, but I got something else. 1480 01:07:33.680 --> 01:07:36.800 I got to be, I bought the tickets before I met you or booked this. 1481 01:07:37.360 --> 01:07:39.760 So I would have it in your back pocket. 1482 01:07:40.480 --> 01:07:40.960 Okay. 1483 01:07:40.960 --> 01:07:41.600 Awesome. 1484 01:07:41.600 --> 01:07:42.000 Okay. 1485 01:07:42.000 --> 01:07:42.320 Thank you. 1486 01:07:42.320 --> 01:07:43.600 I'm so proud of you. 1487 01:07:43.600 --> 01:07:44.240 So proud of you. 1488 01:07:44.240 --> 01:07:45.600 Thank you. 1489 01:07:46.240 --> 01:07:47.920 I knew there was a third person. 1490 01:07:49.120 --> 01:07:52.720 I like how you stayed in the background almost the whole night though. 1491 01:07:53.040 --> 01:07:53.840 I was driving. 1492 01:07:55.440 --> 01:07:55.680 Yeah. 1493 01:07:55.680 --> 01:07:56.000 Okay. 1494 01:07:56.960 --> 01:07:58.320 Katie, did you have a question? 1495 01:07:58.320 --> 01:07:59.360 I don't know where you went though. 1496 01:07:59.360 --> 01:07:59.840 There you go. 1497 01:08:01.040 --> 01:08:01.760 You have a question. 1498 01:08:02.880 --> 01:08:08.640 So I just started phase two and I have my first date on Thursday. 1499 01:08:09.440 --> 01:08:13.600 And when I scheduled the date, I was feeling good. 1500 01:08:13.600 --> 01:08:16.080 And now that as I'm getting closer, I'm getting nervous. 1501 01:08:16.080 --> 01:08:21.279 I'm curious if you or anyone else has any suggestions on what to do when you're getting 1502 01:08:21.359 --> 01:08:22.800 those first date jitters. 1503 01:08:23.359 --> 01:08:23.520 Yeah. 1504 01:08:23.520 --> 01:08:27.200 I feel like you should just stay home and watch a movie. 1505 01:08:27.760 --> 01:08:28.240 I know. 1506 01:08:28.240 --> 01:08:29.120 We all want to do that. 1507 01:08:30.240 --> 01:08:30.880 What's the date? 1508 01:08:30.880 --> 01:08:32.080 What did you guys decide to do? 1509 01:08:33.840 --> 01:08:41.439 So I love playing games, any game, board game, trivia, yard games, sports. 1510 01:08:41.439 --> 01:08:46.240 And on my profile, part of it was talking how I love playing trivia. 1511 01:08:46.240 --> 01:08:50.399 And I'll usually go once a week with my friends and my brother and cousin. 1512 01:08:51.920 --> 01:08:54.960 I didn't offer that much information, but just for you guys. 1513 01:08:54.960 --> 01:08:55.920 So that's what you guys are going to do? 1514 01:08:55.920 --> 01:08:56.880 You're going to go do trivia? 1515 01:08:57.439 --> 01:08:59.040 So we're going to do trivia at a different place. 1516 01:08:59.040 --> 01:09:01.439 Not where I usually go, but at a place I'm familiar with. 1517 01:09:01.439 --> 01:09:01.840 Perfect. 1518 01:09:03.200 --> 01:09:08.960 I just feel like I know first date, I'll be nervous, but at least I like playing trivia. 1519 01:09:08.960 --> 01:09:10.319 So I'll be looking forward to it. 1520 01:09:10.319 --> 01:09:13.439 But now that I'm getting closer, I'm still actually kind of nervous. 1521 01:09:13.439 --> 01:09:13.680 Yeah. 1522 01:09:13.680 --> 01:09:15.120 I mean, I will say this. 1523 01:09:15.120 --> 01:09:20.640 So here are the things I try to do to get rid of my extra energy the day of a date. 1524 01:09:21.920 --> 01:09:25.600 Whether it's go to the gym, yoga, worship music. 1525 01:09:26.479 --> 01:09:31.279 What's the thing that takes your heart rate down and slows your breathing down? 1526 01:09:31.279 --> 01:09:32.720 Like, what's the thing for you? 1527 01:09:36.399 --> 01:09:38.319 Probably working out. 1528 01:09:38.319 --> 01:09:41.600 Probably music, prayer, journaling. 1529 01:09:41.600 --> 01:09:43.040 Journaling is really important. 1530 01:09:43.040 --> 01:09:44.800 So make sure you hit the gym. 1531 01:09:45.600 --> 01:09:47.840 Make sure you hit the gym and you hit it hard. 1532 01:09:47.840 --> 01:09:49.439 So it really kind of wears you out. 1533 01:09:50.319 --> 01:09:51.680 And it kind of mellows you out. 1534 01:09:51.680 --> 01:09:57.360 And then take a nice, long, hot shower and then zap some cold water on you in the last 1535 01:09:57.360 --> 01:09:59.760 30 seconds to kind of wake you back up. 1536 01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:06.800 And then while you're getting ready have some worship music going and so that's the voice that fills the air 1537 01:10:07.240 --> 01:10:08.840 around you 1538 01:10:08.840 --> 01:10:12.240 And then constantly tell yourself like when you get a car 1539 01:10:12.760 --> 01:10:16.400 Just say I am meeting a new friend for game night. I 1540 01:10:17.040 --> 01:10:20.120 Don't have to decide if I like him at the end of the night 1541 01:10:20.120 --> 01:10:26.360 I don't have to decide if I'm gonna marry him and guess what if he and I both decide or one of us decides 1542 01:10:26.360 --> 01:10:29.900 We don't want to see each other again. I hope we can still have a good time 1543 01:10:30.000 --> 01:10:34.320 Like literally start writing that stuff. So, you know, you said you like to journal 1544 01:10:34.320 --> 01:10:39.900 So it kind of writing it out. Like how can I bless him tonight? How can I show kindness tonight? 1545 01:10:40.120 --> 01:10:42.340 How can I be a light tonight? 1546 01:10:42.340 --> 01:10:47.240 How can I have more fun tonight like kind of start to write out that mantra? 1547 01:10:47.240 --> 01:10:51.720 Like I always used to go into first date going. Oh my gosh. Is he the one is he the one? 1548 01:10:51.720 --> 01:10:57.160 He's either one and now I'm just kind of like I'm like, oh my gosh. It's like I don't know 1549 01:10:57.160 --> 01:11:01.160 I'm gonna just have fun or not like even the bad dates last week 1550 01:11:01.160 --> 01:11:02.560 They all heard about my bad date 1551 01:11:02.560 --> 01:11:07.160 You know with the guy that almost ran out of the coffee shop the second he heard that I was going to seminary school 1552 01:11:07.160 --> 01:11:09.840 I mean he couldn't get out of there fast enough and like I just laughed 1553 01:11:15.320 --> 01:11:17.160 And so 1554 01:11:17.160 --> 01:11:21.360 It's so I would say do all of those things. Make sure you work out and 1555 01:11:22.280 --> 01:11:25.560 Watch something is somebody funny like if you like comedians 1556 01:11:26.320 --> 01:11:33.720 This guy he's local. He's a clean comedian. He's local to me Nate, but he filled up he was just he just hosted them 1557 01:11:34.280 --> 01:11:36.280 He just hosted 1558 01:11:37.440 --> 01:11:43.800 Serenade live like watch his funny comedian like something that's just gonna make you laugh before you go on your date 1559 01:11:43.800 --> 01:11:46.500 So I've given you lots of options work out 1560 01:11:47.320 --> 01:11:54.280 Worship music journal good mantra watch a funny comedian do all of those things because it doesn't matter 1561 01:11:54.280 --> 01:11:56.480 He could be your guy or he could be great friend 1562 01:11:56.960 --> 01:12:01.600 or at the very least, you know, you kick-ass and cheerio pursuit and they're whatever, you know, and 1563 01:12:04.320 --> 01:12:10.280 Hope hopefully that helps and you're gonna do great and I'm really proud of you and I'm glad you picked something fun to do and 1564 01:12:11.600 --> 01:12:14.920 Mishanda is am I saying that right Mishanda? Where'd you go? 1565 01:12:16.640 --> 01:12:18.440 Where'd you just go 1566 01:12:18.640 --> 01:12:23.800 Mishanda thank you. I just get so mesmerized by your gorgeous photo every time I'm like 1567 01:12:26.960 --> 01:12:30.220 Thank you, I have a question I too like I think it was 1568 01:12:30.800 --> 01:12:35.600 Katie and Sharma just coming into this and it does seem like 1569 01:12:36.360 --> 01:12:41.840 We're coming in and we're listening to the stories, which is great. But if we're just on the love accelerator 1570 01:12:43.120 --> 01:12:45.120 What is the expectation like? 1571 01:12:45.120 --> 01:12:47.760 Well one is this class an hour and a half like 1572 01:12:50.080 --> 01:12:53.840 This class here on Tuesday nights, it's an hour hour 1573 01:12:53.840 --> 01:12:56.680 And I mean, I'm probably gonna you're gonna like you're a lot 1574 01:12:56.680 --> 01:12:59.520 These last two questions are gonna be probably the last ones that I take 1575 01:12:59.520 --> 01:13:03.960 So if there were zero questions at the top of the hour, I would have just closed it down 1576 01:13:03.960 --> 01:13:10.160 So you just so the only expectation is for you to come with any question that you have 1577 01:13:10.160 --> 01:13:14.480 So when I say hey you guys so I start the night and I'm always gonna cover 1578 01:13:14.800 --> 01:13:22.000 What we see as the common thread that's showing up in the roll call and then when I open the floor to a question 1579 01:13:22.600 --> 01:13:26.440 Everybody is allowed to ask a question with wherever they're at in the process 1580 01:13:26.440 --> 01:13:32.520 And so your question could be you could have come in, you know 40 minutes ago and said, you know, I just started 1581 01:13:32.520 --> 01:13:35.000 What would you be your what would be your guide for me? 1582 01:13:35.000 --> 01:13:38.400 Like what's the one thing you would tell somebody who's just starting the program? 1583 01:13:38.640 --> 01:13:45.320 You know I'm saying so like this is really your time at any place and so you are so you're getting a taste of 1584 01:13:45.720 --> 01:13:51.840 Where women are and some folks are at the very very beginning and so you've just finished the love story accelerator 1585 01:13:51.840 --> 01:13:54.600 The next video you're gonna get is dating 101 1586 01:13:55.000 --> 01:14:02.240 then divine feminine then online dating and then boundaries and you're gonna kind of sit in that for the next few weeks and 1587 01:14:02.640 --> 01:14:05.140 Some people are gonna want to start dating right away 1588 01:14:05.900 --> 01:14:07.660 Other people might say, you know 1589 01:14:07.660 --> 01:14:13.780 I'm gonna hold off on dating and not finish dating until I watch all of the videos and I'm gonna sit back and listen to 1590 01:14:13.780 --> 01:14:16.920 Everyone else's stories for a couple weeks before I get out there dating 1591 01:14:17.020 --> 01:14:21.460 So it is really the dating is really at your pace right now 1592 01:14:21.740 --> 01:14:26.740 She's kind of open the floor. You're allowed to go date or if you're like, hey Renee 1593 01:14:26.740 --> 01:14:28.460 I don't want to do any online dating 1594 01:14:28.460 --> 01:14:35.020 Do you have any suggestions on ways to meet guys in the real world besides online dating and then I can give you ideas 1595 01:14:35.140 --> 01:14:36.220 so 1596 01:14:36.220 --> 01:14:38.860 That's what this time is for every single week 1597 01:14:38.860 --> 01:14:45.300 It's really to ask questions that you're having during the week no matter where you are at in phase two 1598 01:14:45.300 --> 01:14:52.500 And so sometimes just listening to other people will help you but it's not technically a teaching night 1599 01:14:52.500 --> 01:14:54.100 It's basically a check-in 1600 01:14:54.100 --> 01:15:00.100 That's what Monday nights were for you guys before and it's what now Tuesday nights are it's really your time 1601 01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:03.060 check in. So we will always start with home, you know, 1602 01:15:03.060 --> 01:15:06.660 with like housekeeping items, some themes and teaching, 1603 01:15:06.900 --> 01:15:10.580 but then we will always answer your dating questions and they're all going to be 1604 01:15:10.580 --> 01:15:13.460 all over the map. So does that help at all? 1605 01:15:15.220 --> 01:15:16.700 Does a little bit, I think 1606 01:15:19.260 --> 01:15:23.700 it does. It's a little confusing. And I think I love hearing stories. 1607 01:15:23.740 --> 01:15:27.540 I I'm actually a stories person, so I love hearing Shannon's story. And then, 1608 01:15:28.080 --> 01:15:33.040 you know who was the other young lady who shared that had a funny story? 1609 01:15:33.320 --> 01:15:34.160 Carolyn. Yeah. 1610 01:15:35.400 --> 01:15:37.560 I love hearing it, but I think I was, 1611 01:15:38.080 --> 01:15:41.640 I was confused about the format because it is a little bit different than the 1612 01:15:41.640 --> 01:15:45.840 first year. And so I just felt like, okay, 1613 01:15:45.840 --> 01:15:50.040 I'm sitting here it's late on the East coast and I'm like, oh, okay. 1614 01:15:50.640 --> 01:15:52.760 So to me, it was a little, 1615 01:15:52.760 --> 01:15:57.100 yeah, you know what? Yeah. I mean, 1616 01:15:57.100 --> 01:16:01.420 and here's the thing you can always hop off at any time that you need to like, 1617 01:16:01.460 --> 01:16:02.100 I get it girl. 1618 01:16:02.100 --> 01:16:05.620 Cause I've had to teach back in the East coast when I was home and I'm like, 1619 01:16:05.640 --> 01:16:09.080 oh my gosh, starting at eight o'clock is so much harder. Um, 1620 01:16:09.080 --> 01:16:10.100 so it was really hard for me. 1621 01:16:10.100 --> 01:16:13.540 So if you ever guys need to hop off or watch and replay, go ahead and do so. 1622 01:16:13.820 --> 01:16:16.940 So I appreciate you saying that. And you know, 1623 01:16:17.820 --> 01:16:20.740 this is a new year that we're doing it this way. 1624 01:16:20.760 --> 01:16:25.560 And so I have been conscious of the clunkiness of that, 1625 01:16:25.560 --> 01:16:29.600 of like, you know, this year people are coming in at different phases, 1626 01:16:29.600 --> 01:16:32.920 or they stay in phase one longer, people stay in phase two longer. 1627 01:16:32.920 --> 01:16:37.320 So you're not going to have the same flow as, okay, we all did this this week. 1628 01:16:37.320 --> 01:16:38.440 We all did this this week. 1629 01:16:38.480 --> 01:16:42.640 And so I feel like the beauty is you get to go at your own pace. 1630 01:16:42.680 --> 01:16:45.480 The hard part is this might feel confusing for you. 1631 01:16:45.480 --> 01:16:47.800 So now what you know, 1632 01:16:48.340 --> 01:16:51.420 the one o'clock and the eight o'clock timeframe is you're going to get some 1633 01:16:51.420 --> 01:16:54.420 summary notes, some highlights of what we're seeing. 1634 01:16:54.700 --> 01:16:57.820 And then it's open questions. Here's what I hope happens though. 1635 01:16:58.060 --> 01:17:00.220 Even if people are further ahead than you, 1636 01:17:00.220 --> 01:17:04.620 because I kept trying to stop them in the story to give you guys highlights of 1637 01:17:04.620 --> 01:17:07.540 things to pick up and things to take notice of. 1638 01:17:07.540 --> 01:17:10.340 And those are things that you can be taking notes on like, okay, 1639 01:17:10.340 --> 01:17:13.260 I want to make sure I remember that. Okay. That was a good noodle. 1640 01:17:13.260 --> 01:17:15.020 I wouldn't have done that. Um, 1641 01:17:15.020 --> 01:17:18.960 because sometimes the stuff we're answering in these questions aren't in the 1642 01:17:18.960 --> 01:17:21.440 videos. And so consider, 1643 01:17:21.520 --> 01:17:24.720 so we're not just sharing stories for the sake of sharing stories. 1644 01:17:24.720 --> 01:17:28.440 I'm hoping that you start to learn from one another in walking through their 1645 01:17:28.440 --> 01:17:31.320 story with them. But I really appreciate you being honest about that. 1646 01:17:31.320 --> 01:17:36.240 And I will talk to Bethany and see how we can be as clear as we can. 1647 01:17:36.240 --> 01:17:40.460 But if you need to get off the phone and watch the rest of it on replay as okay 1648 01:17:40.460 --> 01:17:44.040 to, you have our permission to do that. Um, Shanna, 1649 01:17:44.060 --> 01:17:47.260 I'm going to take your question and then we will probably wrap up. 1650 01:17:49.180 --> 01:17:52.260 Awesome. Um, thank you for taking the time. Um, I'm, 1651 01:17:53.180 --> 01:17:57.700 I'm happy to be able to make it. I usually have community or small group. Um, 1652 01:17:57.860 --> 01:17:59.660 oh no, my, my computer's going to die. 1653 01:18:04.700 --> 01:18:05.540 Um, 1654 01:18:06.360 --> 01:18:11.840 there we go. Should work. Okay. Um, 1655 01:18:12.440 --> 01:18:16.280 yes, I would agree. Um, that the, the, 1656 01:18:16.320 --> 01:18:20.160 the process has been a little bit clunky. Um, it's been a little bit challenging. 1657 01:18:20.160 --> 01:18:22.600 I'm an, I'm an admin, I'm an executive admin for, 1658 01:18:22.880 --> 01:18:26.180 for my job and I'm even trying to follow and I'm a perfectionist that I want to 1659 01:18:26.180 --> 01:18:28.400 do everything right. So, um, 1660 01:18:29.400 --> 01:18:33.360 so it is a little bit hard to follow as to like when you go on to phase three, 1661 01:18:33.900 --> 01:18:38.540 um, right now for me, I'm marinating and the dating portion. 1662 01:18:39.660 --> 01:18:44.140 Um, I, my last relationship was a year ago and, um, 1663 01:18:44.420 --> 01:18:48.140 I've done the online thing off and on for 10 years anyway. Um, 1664 01:18:48.260 --> 01:18:52.100 so it's just kind of getting myself back out there and getting comfortable with 1665 01:18:52.380 --> 01:18:56.460 asking to be set up and those types of things. So I know we're running, um, 1666 01:18:56.700 --> 01:18:59.020 to the end of the time, but I guess my, 1667 01:18:59.720 --> 01:19:01.960 my purpose of coming on here is, um, 1668 01:19:02.000 --> 01:19:06.440 I have met someone online on Bumble and, 1669 01:19:07.120 --> 01:19:09.840 um, I went on one date. Um, 1670 01:19:10.480 --> 01:19:14.320 he seems to have a solid background. It's, it's interesting enough. 1671 01:19:14.320 --> 01:19:17.920 We used to go to the same church. He used to go to the church that I'm at. 1672 01:19:17.920 --> 01:19:23.000 We actually served in the same ministry, but did not meet each other. Um, 1673 01:19:23.360 --> 01:19:26.520 and then he left the church a number of years ago, 1674 01:19:26.520 --> 01:19:30.980 actually got married, then divorced, and then, um, 1675 01:19:32.740 --> 01:19:36.860 went through the process of all of that now attending a different church. 1676 01:19:37.980 --> 01:19:42.980 Um, and so I guess my, my question would be, um, 1677 01:19:43.780 --> 01:19:47.300 I put a lot of pressure on trying to figure out if, if the, 1678 01:19:47.300 --> 01:19:50.380 the marriage or divorce was, you know, 1679 01:19:51.660 --> 01:19:55.020 done correctly, if you will. Um, you know, I, 1680 01:19:55.120 --> 01:19:57.080 I don't want to continue on if somebody, 1681 01:19:57.080 --> 01:20:00.000 if there's somebody that's just in a relationship and just wants to give. 1682 01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:08.760 up, you know, and so, um, so I find myself justifying, I don't 1683 01:20:08.760 --> 01:20:12.240 know, I don't know what I'm trying to say, but I appreciate 1684 01:20:12.240 --> 01:20:17.480 him. He's been very intentional. He's been very upfront with 1685 01:20:17.480 --> 01:20:21.120 what's what's gone on in his past. He's open to questions, 1686 01:20:21.120 --> 01:20:24.280 but I also have asked questions and I don't want to go too deep. 1687 01:20:24.280 --> 01:20:28.520 It's just been one date. And so if there's any tips on on how to 1688 01:20:28.520 --> 01:20:33.240 get to know somebody, but not go too deep, as well, and also 1689 01:20:33.240 --> 01:20:36.520 enjoy the process, you know, I don't need to figure out when to 1690 01:20:36.520 --> 01:20:40.640 marry him today. So it's just kind of one of those where I 1691 01:20:40.640 --> 01:20:43.560 have a little bit of anxiousness over it, because marriage and 1692 01:20:43.560 --> 01:20:47.680 divorce is not a part of my story. I've, I've seen friends 1693 01:20:47.680 --> 01:20:52.440 walk through things that, you know, divorce was absolutely 1694 01:20:52.440 --> 01:20:58.480 necessary. And I believe that is part of the process. And so, um, 1695 01:20:58.560 --> 01:21:03.040 I think I'm just struggling a little bit with seeing past 1696 01:21:03.040 --> 01:21:04.080 that, if you will. 1697 01:21:04.440 --> 01:21:10.840 Yeah, yeah. And, you know, I get it. Like for me, I actually 1698 01:21:10.840 --> 01:21:14.640 expect a guy to be divorced at my age. But I will admit, like, 1699 01:21:14.680 --> 01:21:19.040 I definitely can have a judgmental attitude. If I hear 1700 01:21:19.040 --> 01:21:21.120 that they've been divorced twice. That's my thing. I'm 1701 01:21:21.120 --> 01:21:24.800 like, because I've never been married. So like one divorce is 1702 01:21:24.800 --> 01:21:29.800 hard enough for me to I'd be like, really. Um, so the first 1703 01:21:29.800 --> 01:21:32.160 thing that you want to make sure that you do is you want to just 1704 01:21:32.160 --> 01:21:35.080 get to know him and you have to make sure you like who he is 1705 01:21:35.080 --> 01:21:40.600 today. So there is a time for you to unpack his past. But you 1706 01:21:40.600 --> 01:21:45.000 most want to make sure that you like who he is today. And so the 1707 01:21:45.000 --> 01:21:48.720 best way to do that is to do stuff with them and not just 1708 01:21:48.720 --> 01:21:53.880 talk to them. And that's why we try to stay away from continuous 1709 01:21:53.880 --> 01:21:58.400 dates that are just talking. Because all you can do is either 1710 01:21:58.400 --> 01:22:01.920 talk about the past or talk about the future. What you want 1711 01:22:01.920 --> 01:22:06.280 to find out is who this human is today. And so you know, that's 1712 01:22:06.280 --> 01:22:09.040 why you want to pick activities to do. Hey, do you want to go 1713 01:22:09.040 --> 01:22:12.760 bowling? Hey, do you want to go do an escape game? Hey, do you 1714 01:22:12.760 --> 01:22:16.840 want to go volunteer at a soup kitchen? Like, hey, do you want 1715 01:22:16.840 --> 01:22:20.040 to go build something you want to like put yourself in 1716 01:22:20.040 --> 01:22:24.560 situations where you can see how this person handles stress, 1717 01:22:24.760 --> 01:22:29.560 handles community, handles discomfort? And you want to make 1718 01:22:29.560 --> 01:22:32.360 sure do I even like this guy? Because here's the truth. 1719 01:22:32.360 --> 01:22:35.840 Remember how I talked about people have to earn your private 1720 01:22:35.840 --> 01:22:40.280 story. You haven't earned his story yet. Do you know what I 1721 01:22:40.280 --> 01:22:42.920 mean? Like so you don't get to know the details of the divorce 1722 01:22:42.920 --> 01:22:46.560 yet. So now all you guys need to be doing is finding out is if do 1723 01:22:46.560 --> 01:22:50.960 you like each other today. And so a lot of times it's just 1724 01:22:50.960 --> 01:22:55.480 doing stuff. I think going to a trivia game is really great. You 1725 01:22:55.480 --> 01:22:58.480 I have a box of questions that are really fun questions. I 1726 01:22:58.480 --> 01:23:00.000 will sometimes whip him out like, all right, I have some 1727 01:23:00.000 --> 01:23:03.120 fun questions. Do you want to do some fun questions? Like and 1728 01:23:03.160 --> 01:23:05.480 they're just silly, fun questions. And you learn the 1729 01:23:05.480 --> 01:23:09.120 quirkiest things about them play a board game with them. Find out 1730 01:23:09.120 --> 01:23:13.280 how they handle losing or winning. And like, start to put 1731 01:23:13.280 --> 01:23:16.880 yourself in situations where you get to see how they live 1732 01:23:16.920 --> 01:23:21.960 everyday life. And then after like three or four or five dates 1733 01:23:21.960 --> 01:23:26.040 like that, you know, you have to really decide Do I really want 1734 01:23:26.040 --> 01:23:28.960 to hang out this person? Where do I think it can be going? And 1735 01:23:28.960 --> 01:23:31.840 then you can decide at some point like, hey, I can't be 1736 01:23:31.840 --> 01:23:35.320 exclusive with you until I learn a little bit more about the 1737 01:23:35.320 --> 01:23:38.440 divorce. Obviously, you can't tell me all the details. But can 1738 01:23:38.440 --> 01:23:41.720 you give me a little bit more information? Tell me a little 1739 01:23:41.720 --> 01:23:44.160 bit more? What did you learn from that? And here's how 1740 01:23:44.200 --> 01:23:47.240 Shannon, here's how I find out about a divorce. I'm actually 1741 01:23:47.240 --> 01:23:51.160 less concerned in the details of a divorce. I'm more concerned 1742 01:23:51.160 --> 01:23:53.960 with what they've learned from it. So a question I might ask a 1743 01:23:53.960 --> 01:23:58.480 guy is, well, you know, like looking, like looking at your 1744 01:23:58.480 --> 01:24:01.880 marriage, obviously, without dragging her into it, or the 1745 01:24:01.880 --> 01:24:04.680 details, you know, what do you think you've learned most about 1746 01:24:04.680 --> 01:24:07.240 yourself? Like, what would you do differently? Or what do you 1747 01:24:07.240 --> 01:24:09.520 think you're going to do differently in your next 1748 01:24:09.520 --> 01:24:13.360 relationship? That's what I'm more concerned about. I'm more 1749 01:24:13.360 --> 01:24:16.520 concerned is, are they reflective about this? Are they 1750 01:24:16.520 --> 01:24:19.520 repentant? Do they own their side of the street? And have 1751 01:24:19.520 --> 01:24:22.080 they learned how to figure out what they're going to do 1752 01:24:22.080 --> 01:24:24.720 differently? I'm way more concerned than that, than 1753 01:24:24.720 --> 01:24:26.760 hearing the blow by blow of the marriage. 1754 01:24:30.080 --> 01:24:34.360 Yeah, he shared quite a bit. He was open to doing that, because 1755 01:24:34.360 --> 01:24:39.280 I think he felt obligated. Like, he seemed to talk in a 1756 01:24:39.280 --> 01:24:44.040 very caring way about his ex, even though it seemed like it 1757 01:24:44.040 --> 01:24:48.400 was not a great situation. So it's like, I feel like I know 1758 01:24:48.400 --> 01:24:49.120 too much. 1759 01:24:50.240 --> 01:24:53.280 Well, I mean, sometimes people, you know, it's funny, because 1760 01:24:53.280 --> 01:24:55.920 sometimes we feel like we need to explain, right? Like, I feel 1761 01:24:55.920 --> 01:24:58.320 like there's, and that probably, you know, sometimes there's 1762 01:24:58.320 --> 01:25:00.040 shame there, there's embarrassment. 1763 01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:02.240 They're like, I know some of us who've never been married. 1764 01:25:02.240 --> 01:25:03.520 We feel like we have to over-explain 1765 01:25:03.520 --> 01:25:04.680 why we've never been married. 1766 01:25:04.680 --> 01:25:06.640 We're like, all right, I have to explain that. 1767 01:25:06.640 --> 01:25:08.680 Like, wait, right, how come you've never been married? 1768 01:25:08.680 --> 01:25:11.200 Like, oh, like, you know what? 1769 01:25:11.200 --> 01:25:12.600 I mean, so now I've like learned, 1770 01:25:12.600 --> 01:25:14.360 like I don't need to explain it so much. 1771 01:25:14.360 --> 01:25:17.280 And so, but it's very normal for people to feel like, 1772 01:25:17.280 --> 01:25:19.620 especially, yeah, they have to over-explain. 1773 01:25:19.620 --> 01:25:21.880 So just start doing some fun things with them. 1774 01:25:21.880 --> 01:25:22.920 And you guys, here's the thing, 1775 01:25:22.920 --> 01:25:25.400 it's a whole, it's a yes until it's a no. 1776 01:25:25.400 --> 01:25:28.460 Don't keep making it a yes if you don't enjoy your time. 1777 01:25:28.460 --> 01:25:31.260 Like, if after the second or third date, 1778 01:25:31.260 --> 01:25:35.540 you're like, eh, about it, like, don't go anymore. 1779 01:25:35.540 --> 01:25:36.380 Like, do you know what I mean? 1780 01:25:36.380 --> 01:25:38.360 Like, you should start to grow 1781 01:25:38.360 --> 01:25:40.180 in your enjoyment with this person. 1782 01:25:40.180 --> 01:25:43.460 So no one on this team wants you to keep dating somebody 1783 01:25:44.860 --> 01:25:47.660 if you're like, eh, about it. 1784 01:25:47.660 --> 01:25:49.800 I wouldn't want a guy keep dating me 1785 01:25:49.800 --> 01:25:52.100 if he was just, meh, about me. 1786 01:25:52.100 --> 01:25:54.540 Like, I would want him to be like, gosh, 1787 01:25:54.540 --> 01:25:55.900 she's really cute, she's really sweet. 1788 01:25:55.900 --> 01:25:56.860 I don't know if she's the one, 1789 01:25:56.860 --> 01:25:59.300 but I really am enjoying my time with her. 1790 01:25:59.300 --> 01:26:01.380 So that's how long you keep talking to them. 1791 01:26:01.380 --> 01:26:02.820 You keep enjoying it. 1792 01:26:02.820 --> 01:26:05.700 And then I would say that Bethany would say 1793 01:26:05.700 --> 01:26:07.540 from the heartwork side of it, 1794 01:26:07.540 --> 01:26:10.860 she would say, what's stirring up in you 1795 01:26:10.860 --> 01:26:13.880 that you're holding judgment about the divorce? 1796 01:26:13.880 --> 01:26:16.500 Like, what's that bringing up for you? 1797 01:26:17.460 --> 01:26:18.780 Is there a time in your life 1798 01:26:18.780 --> 01:26:20.700 where you felt like you had to do it perfectly 1799 01:26:20.700 --> 01:26:22.100 or you couldn't have a mistake? 1800 01:26:22.100 --> 01:26:25.300 Or does that fall into your belief system 1801 01:26:25.380 --> 01:26:26.460 about who God is 1802 01:26:26.460 --> 01:26:29.220 and what do you believe about redemption and forgiveness? 1803 01:26:29.220 --> 01:26:31.820 So it also is a good time for you 1804 01:26:31.820 --> 01:26:34.220 to kind of see what that's stirring up in you 1805 01:26:35.060 --> 01:26:37.020 and seeing what God might have for you. 1806 01:26:37.020 --> 01:26:38.020 I don't know what that is, 1807 01:26:38.020 --> 01:26:43.060 but there might be something there for you 1808 01:26:43.060 --> 01:26:44.320 that has led them to do it. 1809 01:26:44.320 --> 01:26:45.160 No, that's good. 1810 01:26:45.160 --> 01:26:46.700 That's good, thank you. 1811 01:26:46.700 --> 01:26:47.580 All right, you guys. 1812 01:26:47.580 --> 01:26:50.360 Well, I do appreciate your time. 1813 01:26:50.360 --> 01:26:54.400 And now that you have a feel for what these weeks are like, 1814 01:26:54.400 --> 01:26:55.240 it's great. 1815 01:26:55.240 --> 01:26:56.240 We're gonna be fabulous. 1816 01:26:56.240 --> 01:26:57.480 And you guys come when you can, 1817 01:26:57.480 --> 01:26:58.600 stay as long as you can, 1818 01:26:58.600 --> 01:27:00.200 and get off when you need to. 1819 01:27:00.200 --> 01:27:02.920 So go have a great, great week. 1820 01:27:02.920 --> 01:27:05.840 If you have questions throughout the week, 1821 01:27:05.840 --> 01:27:07.600 please put them in the Facebook page. 1822 01:27:07.600 --> 01:27:09.480 The coaches love to be there for you. 1823 01:27:09.480 --> 01:27:11.260 We're just here for you in this journey. 1824 01:27:11.260 --> 01:27:13.020 Some people are gonna go slower or faster, 1825 01:27:13.020 --> 01:27:13.860 and it's okay. 1826 01:27:13.860 --> 01:27:15.920 And we'll get through the clunky together.