All right, so welcome.
Welcome to January's edition of Love Seats.
If you have never been to a Love Seat before,
this is where we talk about all things love,
all things relationships, all things dating,
and brave souls volunteer as tribute
to get into what we call the Love Seat,
meaning that you're gonna discuss your question
or your situation or your situation ship,
maybe your delulu ship, your delusional ship with us, okay?
Your maybe level three, level four situation with us
in the Love Seat for everyone to hear.
So you're gonna do one-on-one coaching with me.
We're also gonna have phase two coach Renee Rizzo with us.
She's here because we invited our phase two girlies
to join us.
And so hopefully they're coming over and we'll know
because this number should go way up.
It's only 63.
All right, so I see people are already having questions,
which is great.
So we'll go ahead and let's just start off strong.
Let's go ahead and go with Stacy McVean, Austin, Texas.
What do you got?
Hello, everybody.
So it was a conversation.
So I met this man, his name is Chad, on Facebook dating.
He lives a couple, three hours away,
which is near some friends that I have.
And we, within like a couple of days,
we got on the phone and we had a chat.
We had an hour long chat.
I thought he was interesting, all of the things.
So then he's like, hey, let's jump off the app
and let's continue to chat.
And I wouldn't mind coming to Austin and seeing you.
I said, well, I'll actually be there
at the end of the February.
And so we kind of talked like that.
So then I didn't hear from him for three days,
which is not a big deal.
But I just sent him a, hey, dropped a little hanky.
Hey, happy Saturday, how you doing?
And so he's like, I'm actually in the middle
of a messy rainstorm.
I'm driving to Kentucky,
because that's where he's got some extended family
that live there.
I said, oh, okay, praying for you, safe travels.
And that was it.
And then he actually texted me when he got there
and said, thank you for praying.
I'm here, I'm safe.
And I said, okay, so clap.
So then I haven't heard from him at all.
And so I'm wondering, should I drop another hanky
or should I wait until I know that I am going there
in February and be like, hey,
I'll be there in a couple of days.
You wanna meet up for a coffee, something like that.
Okay, so you guys, let's unpack this, all right?
So he lives near friends of yours,
but your friends don't know him, correct?
No, no, no, no.
This is, we met online.
You met online.
Okay, so here's the thing.
So they met, they chatted, they talked,
they went off the app, they chatted and talked.
He's like, hey, let's get together.
And then first of all, I just wanna let you know,
how far away is it?
Like two and a half, three hours.
Okay, so when someone says, let's get together,
we don't say, let's get together at the end of February.
That's a long time from now, y'all.
And in dating life, that's a long time from now.
That's like a whole month from now, right?
And so it's like, hey, yeah.
Especially if the man, and we have gentlemen on here,
this is a co-ed situation.
If the man is like saying, hey, let's get together,
then it's like, yeah, let's get together, okay?
I know it's easier and more convenient to do it
when you're already going there, but guess what?
That can be your second date when you go
and you go down there for that.
Then, okay, so then let's look at the rest of the evidence.
Okay, the evidence is that she didn't hear from him
for a couple of days.
He may have thought she wasn't that interesting.
She's like, oh, hey, let's get together
at the end of February.
But also it sounds like he was preparing for a trip
because he lives in Texas and he's going to Kentucky.
I've had, I, you know, I drive to,
I used to drive to Nashville a lot from Austin
and that's a far drive.
Okay, that's a really far drive.
And so he, so she messages him.
She drops the hanky because she hasn't heard from him,
finds out he's on a road trip to Kentucky.
And now we know he's in Kentucky
because he told us he got there safe.
That's why you're not hearing from him
because he's visiting family.
You know, he's out of pocket.
He's visiting family.
He's busy.
He's doing something in Kentucky, you know?
And so I don't think that's a big deal.
And so when he said, thanks for praying I got there safe,
what did you say back?
So glad, enjoy your family.
Exactly, and he's like doing exactly
what you told him to do.
He's enjoying his family, right?
I would have added, you guys, if it was me,
cause I'm a flirty girl, I would have added,
oh, so glad, you know, enjoy your family.
Call me on your way home, you know,
or like text me on your way home.
You know, you get bored on that long drive on the way home,
you know, text me.
and I'll keep you company.
That's what I would say, all right?
That way it's in his mind.
Now, is he going to get in touch with her on the way home?
Maybe if he thinks of it, hopefully,
and you do have an opportunity to,
we don't know how long he's gonna be gone.
He didn't tell us how long his trip was.
He didn't tell us anything.
And so you guys always take the initiative
to let someone know that, hey,
I'm available to hang out if you wanna hang out.
And that goes for men as well.
If she's like, hey, this is a busy time,
and maybe it's a single mom, and she had her kids,
and you know that she's not gonna have her kids
in a few days, be like, hey,
enjoy your time with your kids.
Yeah, I know that they need your full focus,
but when they go back to dads, I'm available to chat.
Always leave the door open.
You guys, get that right now.
Make that your mantra.
Leave the door open.
You wanna know why?
Because so many people have rejection issues.
And even though we think
that we're not sending out rejection vibes,
people that have been rejected before,
or divorced, or have had hard relationships,
they have filters on.
Not everyone's in here doing their hard work.
Does that make them a bad person?
No.
Does that make them not a viable candidate for your heart?
No.
As long as they're teachable,
as long as they're willing to move through those filters
and those blind spots, but they have them.
And so that's why if someone's like,
hey, let's get together,
and you're enjoying them and you're attracted,
yes, let's.
Because, guess why?
Because people have had experiences in the past
where when someone's like, hey, yeah,
maybe in a couple of weeks,
that's code for I don't like you.
Or that's code for I'm not that interested.
Or that's code for I'm talking to 50 other people
on this app, and we'll see, you know?
And so always act enthusiastic.
Gentlemen, not too enthusiastic.
Ladies, very open and enthusiastic.
And the reason why I say gentlemen not too enthusiastic
is because women, they want you,
look, we want you to be very attentive,
and we want you to be very intentional.
So be attentive and intentional.
But we do like a little bit of the James Dean kind of thing.
Like you're like, hey, you know, I'd like to take you out.
Like, hey, what are you doing Saturday night?
And then if she goes, I don't know,
you're like, well, I know.
You're gonna go to dinner with me, you know?
I like that.
Any other ladies like that?
I like that, you know?
And then you might ask her, you know,
do you have any food allergies?
What kind of food do you like?
Okay, yeah, say it to me.
So Jackie, do you think that I should send him a message
in a couple of days?
Hey, how was your trip?
Can't wait to hear about it.
When can you chat?
Or is that too much?
You can send him a couple.
You could send him, you know,
how long has it been since the last exchange?
Saturday.
And he said, he's like,
I'm making a last minute trip to Kentucky.
So I don't think he had this planned.
I think-
So the thing is, is he doesn't know you well enough
to tell you like deep things.
So maybe someone's sick or maybe someone passed.
I don't know.
When we make a last minute trip,
a lot of times it's not a good reason.
I hope it's a good reason.
You know, maybe, you know, maybe it is a good reason,
but yeah.
So, and you guys, those are all open doors.
When someone says to us, you know,
I'm making a last minute trip.
You'd be like, I hope it's all good news.
You know, we just, we're not being nosy.
We're just, we're leaving the door open for conversation.
All right, remember you guys,
I went to college to be a mental health counselor,
to be a psychologist.
And so some of the courses that you take,
when you go to school to be any kind of health,
you know, mental health worker,
is learning how to have open-ended conversations
so that people aren't giving yes, no answers,
inviting people to communicate,
inviting people to tell you more without being pushy,
without being nosy, but just leaving the door open.
So it's called active listening, right?
It's called mirroring.
It's called, and don't get too weird with it
because you don't want them to think
that they're talking to their therapist.
But at the same time, you know,
you do want to always leave the door open.
Like, hey, I'm interested.
I'm interested.
Okay, now we don't wanna go over into anxious attachment.
If you haven't heard from someone,
you guys, this really happened just recently,
but you know, texting, texting, texting them
because you haven't heard from them in a couple hours,
like text after text, after text, after text.
And they were like at the dentist or something.
You're having a great conversation and they fall off.
And then you send one text like,
hey, you know, where'd you go?
Nothing.
And then.
15 minutes later, okay fine, if you don't like me anymore, then just say so. No y'all, you just went
off the cliff. You know, maybe they're in the shower, you know, possibly they're in an appointment
of some sort, but raise your hand if you go, if you go ham, raise your hand if you go level 10
DEF CON, sending out the search and rescue team. Come on, who's the anxious attachers?
You're liking someone and you're talking a lot and then all of a sudden you don't
hear from them for a couple hours and then you assume the worst.
Okay, there's there's a couple people, there's a couple people for sure. Now you guys, the other
thing that I want to tell you, because all of us are all of us are old enough to know better here,
we do have some people that are in their 30s and early 30s, but most everyone in our community
is, you know, over 37 years old. Okay, in your 40s, 50s, 60s. This is what I want to tell you
about men. My husband, I'm married to a 52 year old man. I know, scandalous, right? He's robbing
the cradle. How did this even happen? So if you don't get that joke, then you don't know me very
well because I'm almost 52. So he does not text well. He's a horrible texter, just really bad at
it. You know, everyone in our family says the same thing. And you know, when we were next to
our neighbors, texting was a thing. 17 years ago, texting was already a thing. And he was just
really bad at texting. And when he did text, it was like one or two word answers. And he liked me,
obviously y'all were married. Okay? So do not judge people by their ability to communicate
over technology. What you want to know is what do they communicate like in person?
In person, are they interested in you? In person, do they ask you questions? In person, are they
actively listening? That's what you want to know. I just met with a couple today. I had coffee with
them. They're getting married. So excited. I'll let her announce her news to y'all because she's
one of ours. And you know, they're older. They're in their 60s. And you know, you can't judge,
especially men, by their conversational skills over technology. Okay? All right. So Stacey,
um, keep us posted on this. Uh, we'll wait and see if he messages back. But I think what you
could do is when February 1st rolls around, which is in a couple of days, and that's the
month that you're coming to visit right down there, be like, um, wow, February is here already.
I don't know if you're back from Kentucky yet, but I'm looking forward to coming down there.
You know, um, I'm looking forward to, uh, to my trip down to your neck of the woods and, um,
hope we can hang out then, you know, hope we can hang out then. Or maybe we can even hang
out before then. I would just open the door and February 1st is where you can open the door
without it seeming too weird. Cool. Yep. I'll keep you posted. We're so sneaky y'all, but in a good
way. Yeah. In a good way. Right. And I had a, I had a good conversation with them. I was like,
this is the best conversation I've had in a long time. So I don't want to just let it float away.
And you said that, right? You're like, Hey, this is a great conversation. Yes. I'm like,
I've really enjoyed this conversation and looking forward to chatting more.
Okay. And this is what I want you to do. So, cause Stacy, you're a boss, babe.
And so I don't know what you sound like when you're talking to him, but the way you're
relaying it to me sounds very professional. And so I want you to find, you know, your inner flirty
girl. Okay. And I want you to, I want you to lean into your feminine that way, because for those of
you that are professionals and Stacy has been a professional at a huge organization for years and
years and years and years. And so we got to take that hat off. We're not, we're not at a LinkedIn
dinner. Okay. We're not, that's not where we are. This is, you know, us in the, in the woo factory.
We want, we want the wooing to happen here. And so, and you guys are going to have a class
on flirting. We are going to have a class on flirting in February. So get ready for that.
Okay. So Stacy's going to keep us posted February 1st. Okay. So now you guys see how it works.
You can put up questions in the chat. Renee, are you here too yet?
I know Renee was trying to divert all the, all the phase two girlies over here.
I am here. I am here. Okay. Okay. Good. All right.
So she's here too, so she can weigh in.
And we can have someone else jump in the love seat.
Remember short, brief and powerful with the backstory.
So a lot of people can get in the love seat
or we can just go ahead and take some questions
from the gallery.
Let's see if there are any questions in the gallery.
Rene, do you see any?
Sabrina has a question.
I can ask a question instead of typing it.
Yeah, you can.
Sabrina has one too, so go ahead, Melissa Joy.
And then Sabrina, you be in the queue
right after Melissa Joy, go ahead.
Okay, so there's this guy from church.
I've no recording in progress.
And all of us, and we don't really move in the same circles
but all of a sudden we started moving in the same circles
and showing up to a lot of the same events.
And definitely a little bit interested in him
but not really wanting to go there
cause he's significantly younger, but-
Okay, wait, first of all,
I need to know what significantly younger means.
16 years.
Okay, and how old are you?
46.
Okay, so he's 30.
He just turned 30, yeah.
Okay, go ahead.
Okay, so we started texting a lot
just friendly, a lot of the same events.
And then I haven't heard from him in like three weeks
but I was just having dinner
from one of the girls at the group.
And I was like, oh my gosh, I really like him.
And she's like, yeah, and he really likes you too.
And so I'm thinking of reaching out to him
but I don't know, 16 years, crazy.
I mean, you guys, it's not about age, it's about season.
Now, are there some things that will have to be overcome
with that much of an age difference as you get older?
Like right now it's no big deal at all
because you're a very young 46,
no one would look at you and think you're 46 years old.
Not that 46 years old is old, it's not,
it's younger than me.
And so, but at the same time,
as when you're 56 and he's 40,
or you're 66, cause we're thinking marriage, right?
And so, yeah, so that stuff starts to happen at that age
where you can start feeling like someone's mom.
You could start, people might start mistaking you
for your husband's mother, things like that.
And so there'll just be things that you have to,
and I know that you're committed to health and wellness
and I know that you're gonna stay youthful
far into the future.
But you guys, I do definitely see May, December romances
which would probably be 20 years and up.
So she's not quite there at a May, December romance
but it's about seasons.
Does this guy want kids?
Are you able to have kids?
Do you want biological children still?
30 year old man probably, even if he says he doesn't,
probably does or is going to want to at some point.
And so there are just different things there.
And so what I think that you should do
because you know him and you're in community with him
is that if you guys do go on a date,
don't just ignore the elephant in the room.
Just say, hey, how does this age different?
Cause first of all, does he know?
Because men are not good judges of age at all.
And so he may have no clue at all
that you are 16 years older than him.
He might think you're 35.
So these are things that you definitely should bring up
on those first couple of hangouts
if you guys do end up hanging out
because why go a million miles an hour down a dead end road?
You might just say to him, hey, you know that,
I was in high school when you were born.
I'm just kidding.
Don't say that.
You could say, you know, I'm older than you.
And he'd be like, really, what?
And then if he does that, you know that he had no clue
and then don't shy away from it.
Be like, yeah, I'm significantly older than you
and see how he feels about it.
It doesn't seem to bother the French men at all, but-
Oh yeah.
And the thing is the French men, see?
So we're talking about different culture as well.
Yeah.
And you guys, what I've noticed about Gen Z especially,
so he's like a young millennial,
but young millennials, Gen Z,
is that they do like older women.
So, and I don't know if that's a good or bad thing,
but they do.
And so, yeah, check that out and see,
because he really honestly may have no idea
that you're that much older than him.
Probably not.
Okay, thank you.
But seasons, remember that.
Find out more about that, okay?
And girl, a 30 year old is super infatuated with you.
So, you know, high five, high five.
Okay.
All right.
Great, so Sabrina and then Yolanda on deck.
So Sabrina, you're up.
I'm coming.
I'm sorry, I should also say, Renee,
did you have anything else to add to that?
No, that was good, that was good.
Okay, okay, so go ahead, Sabrina, there you are.
Yep, there I am.
Hello, okay, so a question about confidence.
Like I noticed, one, I just think I just,
I've been out of the game for way too long,
so I'm not super flirty or this last guy I was talking to,
I ended up getting like extremely kind of annoyed
and just, I don't wanna deal with anybody dating
at all, period,
because I just got like really annoyed with his pushiness.
But then I realized too,
and I think I wrote this maybe in a question
on the chat or something before,
but I noticed like I feel a lot more confident around guys
that I don't necessarily care for,
because I don't care about the relationship,
so I can be exactly myself.
But then with someone I'm kind of like,
oh, I'm kind of attracted to him, I kind of like freeze.
And so those are the people that I would actually like
to kind of be myself and just not care like really
about much, and then that's when I show up
my most authentic self, but I freeze.
And so I'm like, I don't know what to do with that
because then I end up attracting really the men
that I don't want to be with.
And then they-
But let's talk about that.
First of all, I want you to know that this is not uncommon.
It's very common actually, okay, with men and women.
It's like you feel freedom to be yourself
and you're not at all self-conscious with people
that you're not overtly physically attracted to.
But then when someone is like a crush kind of person,
then you just don't know what to say.
So let me ask you, were you like that
when you were younger or is this a new development
because you've been out of the game?
I was actually really shy when I was younger.
Okay.
I didn't date much at all, really.
Did you have any secret crushes?
Yep, but I'd never act on it.
I grew up in a very conservative home.
So I really did not date until I moved out of state,
like in California, and then I had like one relationship
and then the next one was the person that I married.
So it wasn't a lot.
So I feel like I don't really have a ton
of all this dating experience.
And I think that, I think it's rooted.
Go ahead.
Oh, I come a lot.
Now here's where I come alive.
I love going out and dancing.
And if I'm out in that kind of environment,
I don't care who I'm around.
I don't care if I like the person, if I don't,
I'm in my own world, my own zone.
Okay, so that's your magic elixir.
That's what gets you out.
That's what makes you, you're feeling yourself,
you're doing the thing.
It makes you come out of your shell, which that's great.
And so you might want to make sure
that you're in environments that make you come out
of your shell when you're meeting new people.
And that's great and good.
So let's dig back into, I was shy when I was young.
I had crushes or unrequited love.
I was like admiring from afar,
but never thought they'd be interested in me.
Never even gave them a chance to be interested in me.
I think that's really the important thing
to focus in on, right?
And so I think this is a mindset that we get
because of being shy when you were young
and because of like, you know, admiring from afar
and not giving someone a chance to get to know you
and also return that affection.
We get it in our minds that if I'm attracted to them,
then they're not going to be attracted to me.
And what happens with that is it becomes
like an Achilles heel, okay?
It becomes a weakness of ours where, you know,
we start getting anxiety.
We start getting relationship anxiety in that moment.
Okay, the people that you're not attracted to,
you're yourself, okay?
You're coming in through the friend door, your friends,
you know, and by the way, don't count those guys out
because you could become attracted to one of them.
Just because you're not immediately attracted to them
does not mean that attraction cannot grow
because it can and it does.
In fact, that is the prophetic trend
that I'm seeing in matchmaking.
People are falling in love with their friends.
They are, that's what's happening.
Important for us to note that God is revealing
something different about people
that we think we know so well.
So that we're seeing them in a different way,
a different light.
So I want you to do some hard work around the idea
of do you believe that a man that you find
overtly attractive could find you attractive too?
You know, could like you back at the same level
that you like him?
And, you know, and if not, if the answer to that is no.
or any version of no, or any version of, well, maybe,
then why?
Let's find that out.
Because I feel like that is actually causing the anxiety.
Right?
Because the reason why you're so free in yourself
with people that you're not attracted to
is because you don't care whether or not
they're attracted back to you or not.
You know?
In fact, they probably are attracted back to you.
And so if you can attract those men,
why can't you attract these men?
And so that's the question that we need the answer to,
because the answer to that is gonna tell us
what strategy to take next.
What kind of confidence builder do we need to do?
So you come from a conservative home too, remember?
So dating or boys or that kind of stuff
might've been a little bit like,
it was almost like you were glad you were shy
because you could have been getting in a lot of trouble
because of the rules that you were living under.
Yeah.
So if it's where I don't think those guys
would be attracted to me,
then what path is that to heal from, I guess?
Well, it depends on why.
It depends on what the answer,
like what's the answer, why?
Am I not pretty enough?
Am I too old?
Are they too, you know, what is it?
You know, am I too, you know, good?
Am I too much of a good girl?
Like what kind of guy, like what, what is it?
And that's important that we find out what's up with that.
And you guys, the thing that I've noticed in people
that their dating years were stunted when they were young,
that's when we're truly dating, right?
Is when we're young and a lot of people
either weren't allowed to date
or no one asked them on a date
or they just didn't give any dating practice.
But for those of you that weren't allowed
or you were in a conservative home
where it was always about, no, you'll have,
you know, like, it's like, sex is bad, bad, bad.
That's why we don't go on dates.
It's why we don't, you know, you know, the boy girl thing.
It's always like, don't be alone with a boy
or all the things, those rules.
And I'm not saying that some of that's not wisdom,
but it actually stunts our growth
in being able to talk with the opposite sex
in romantic situations, in situations where our,
you know, we're excited about them, attracted to them.
And I feel like that might be happening too.
Yeah, I would agree.
Thank you.
Yeah.
We're gonna get you healed of that, Sabrina.
You're gonna be out there and you're gonna be the same
no matter who you're with.
You're gonna be able to be freely you
and it's gonna be great.
Renee, you got something?
Yeah, I just wanna say a couple of things.
One, this is why I say to you guys,
go out on a ton of date and get to know people
because the more you do this, it will become muscle memory
so that when you are with a guy
that you are more attracted to
or guys with a girl that you're more attracted to,
your muscle memory will kick in
even if you've got some nervous jitters.
So that's like the first thing I wanna say.
The second thing is we have to be paying attention to is
are we still being attracted to the wrong guys or girls
that are gonna make up for us not getting picked
when we were 16?
Because like I just had a phone call with a guy.
It was so clear in the first five minutes
that he was not God's plan for me.
Like he had no faith whatsoever, but he was hot.
And I was really bummed by the end of the call
that he wasn't picking me.
But I was like, Renee, he's not your guy.
Like, he's not your guy.
You know, it was easy to think that old tape of,
but I gotta attract that guy
because I didn't use to attract that guy before.
And so it really helped me go, but no.
And so maybe that'll help you guys
to just get out there and practice
and just make sure that we're picking the right guys
and girls to be attracted to that aren't trying to make up
for what Jackie was talking about,
all those misses, you know, to validate us.
Like we don't need them to validate us.
So that was my additional item.
Yeah, for sure.
We do not need that.
Vicky, so glad that you're clearing the space.
So finally letting go of the fantasy
of is that gonna be your guy
so that you can focus on, you know,
who is right in front of you.
So I think that's great.
Love that.
And then also Jeanette asked, you know,
is there like a set parameter for age difference?
I don't think so.
I think that knowing the season, you know,
usually people that are within a five to six year age range
of you are in the same season of life as you, not always,
but a lot of times they are.
And so that if you want a parameter,
that's probably a good one to be in the same season
as someone.
But then sometimes, you know, we had,
we used to have a guy in our group
who was in his early fifties and his kids were really young.
They were still in elementary school.
And so, and actually he wasn't, he was in his mid fifties
and still like 55, 56 years old.
So he was looking for someone who was still wanting
to raise children from that young age.
And, you know, a lot of the women that were his age
weren't interested in that.
Their kids were grown.
They even had grandchildren.
And so matching seasons, very important.
All right, Yolanda.
I'm going to let you go, but I want to let you know that I was just sitting here looking
at you.
First of all, you look really pretty.
And I want to let you know that, um, I just heard the Lord saying, and I just want to
release this word over you that he's just got really great plans for you, that his plans
for you, they're just getting started.
All right.
So I just want to release that over you and just, you know, bless you with that.
You know, the enemy might be coming and trying to tell you that, you know, that the stories
are over and they're not, you know, the story is not over yet.
God's got plans for you, God's with you, God's leading you and guiding you and helping
you.
And, um, and so just right now where you are, it's just about being just obedient with whatever
you feel like he's leading you to do.
You know, there's no wrong answer and just letting him just, you know, help lead and
guide you into those plans because Jeremiah 29, 11 says not only that they're plural plans,
but that they're to give you the future you're hoping for.
So I want to really encourage you to start hoping for your future.
You know, let's not live in the past.
Let's hope for the future.
Let's plan our future.
Let's make plans for our future and, you know, and not believe the lies of the enemy that
we don't have one because we do.
Thank you so much, Jackie.
That means a lot to me.
It's like you've been watching me for the last couple of months since most specifically
the last couple of weeks.
Um, um, okay.
I'm so nervous.
Thank you, Gail, for talking me through this.
She's been texting me.
You can do this.
So nervous.
Okay.
Um, I posted this, um, in our groups, you guys know, I've been asking for prayer for
the guy that I've been dating Dan.
Um, and I actually did post the question to ask Jackie about a week ago, anyhow.
Um, so, uh, we met in August and he lives in Southern Oregon.
I live in Washington state.
Um, and, uh, we met halfway.
He offered to drive here.
And I said, no, I thought about what you said, Jackie, don't make the guys do all the heavy
lifting.
So I said, I, you, you'd be more than happy to meet you halfway.
So we did.
And that was like two weeks after we met on Facebook dating, we did multiple video dates
in between, excuse me, phone conversations.
And, um, when we met in person, we had a great time.
We spent like five, six hours together.
He was very upfront with me telling me about his health challenges.
He has colon cancer and he let me know, you know, where he was in his treatments.
And I said, okay, I appreciate you letting me know.
I'm not afraid of that, you know, and okay, whatever I can do to support you, you know?
So anyhow, we got to know each other, um, very quickly and, um, went into level three,
like a month, month and a half after that, um, he would make it very clear what his plans
were, um, that he was marriage minded.
Um, anyhow, it's not, I'm trying to make the short, I'm sorry.
So, um, we were, we had made plans to meet for Thanksgiving, um, and for Christmas.
He wanted me to meet his sister, his daughters, but he had a horrible reaction to one of the
medications that he was taking.
So we couldn't meet.
And, um, after that, we were supposed to meet again.
I was having problems with my sciatic nerve, couldn't go, got a cold, couldn't be around
it because he's receiving chemo anyhow, we were supposed to meet again for Christmas
that didn't happen.
So he had an appointment, a post-chemo appointment on the 5th of January and, um, he was supposed
to find out what his results were for the key from the chemo, you know, what was going
on.
Um, I text him that morning because I was at work and I said, Hey, how did it go?
I didn't say, Hey, I said, sweetheart, how did it go?
And he said, um, not so great news.
Um, sorry.
It's okay.
We're here for you.
We're with you.
He said, not so great news.
Um, I have an appointment on the 18th and that was all that he said.
He doesn't send short messages and I completely understand.
God knows what he had, what message or news that he got.
So anyhow, I just sent him a text back.
I said, sweetheart, I'm so sorry.
I'm here for you.
Um, and you know, just, I sent him a voice message then and prayed for him and, you know,
um, spoke some scriptures over him and, um, and I told him I would call him later.
So I, when I got home that evening, I called, he didn't answer.
okay, you know what, he's probably getting some rest or whatever. I text the next morning to see
how he was doing. And I didn't feel like that was too much because we always talked in the morning
and throughout the day. So he didn't respond. And I was out for dinner that evening, a friend took
me out for my birthday, which was the next day. And he responded to the message that I sent and
he said, really in a funk, slept all day. And that was the last that I heard from him.
And that was on the 6th of January. Yeah. And when I say it's not like him,
and I don't want this to sound selfish, God, please forgive me. It's not like him to
not get in touch with me, but I can't. So my mind's been going all over the place. I can't imagine
what news he got. I can't imagine if he, he said that there was a possibility that he was
going to have surgery. I don't know if that's what's going on or if he had to go into radiation.
I don't know. I don't know what to do. I thought maybe. So this is not the first time that this
has happened in our, in our community. you know, it's actually, we've had, we've had several people
that have fallen in love with people that have, you know, very, you know, you know, serious health
issues. Right. And I don't know if any of you guys are from the era where you know, one of the guys
in my group actually was proposing to a woman who had terminal brain cancer. I don't know if you
guys remember Rebecca by the way, she's still alive. So you know, but you know, she, you know,
had a couple of really bad prognosis meetings with doctors that caused her to push him away.
And, and, and she pushed him away more and more until, you know, he had no choice, but to,
you know, just let the relationship go. And he's now married to someone else
happily married and it's great and wonderful. And she's still alive. She didn't pass away,
but she had a young son and I, you know, she never gave him a reason, but I really feel like
the reason why was because she felt like whatever time she had left based on whatever
she was being told, she wanted to really focus on her child instead of like getting into a,
you know, a marriage marrying, you know, at, at that level. And so part of this is just,
you know, him, not, you know, people, people do all kinds of things when they're in trauma.
And so he's trauma, he's in trauma right now. Right. He's withdrawing, he's pulling away
instead of leaning in, he's pulling away part of that because you don't know each other that well,
right. You haven't known each other for long, long period of time. And the other part is that
he might not, you know, want to, you know, bring you into that, you know, and put you through that.
It could be a more of a selfless type of situation. And it could be just that he's
so depressed that he's just shut down. Right. And so what's his name. His name is Dan. Dan.
So father, we just pray for Dan right now, Lord. And we ask God that you would just heal him. We
know that you're a healer. We know the finished work of the cross was not just to get us into
heaven someday, but to get heaven into us on earth. And so we ask heaven to invade Dan's body
every cell, every part of his body, his blood, his lymph nodes, every organ in his body,
we just ask that it would invade him. He'd be invaded by heaven and that he would be
healed and set free from anything that doesn't look like heaven in Jesus name. Amen. And so
what you're going to have to do, and I know this is probably not the answer that you want
is that because you know, you've reached out and he hasn't reached back. You're going to have to
surrender him to the Lord. Right. I'm on my Jesus cares board. Cause I, yes,
you're going to have to surrender him to the Lord. And if he reaches back out to you you know,
if God, you know, he's up on the Jesus cares board. So if God gives you direction, Hey,
send them a card or do this or do that, you know, do you do it. But other than that,
the kind of the balls in his court, he knows that you're there for him, you know and you know,
and just chasing or, you know, constantly reaching out. Now, once again, if God tells you
to, then you do. Um, but if he, if he doesn't, then, you know, then you just leave him there
and you just pray and you continue to believe God for restoration and healing in his body.
But also that if this is your spirit mate, because you could have just been a part of
you guys, and this is important for all of you to hear. We're all worthy of love,
no matter what we're going through. We're all worthy of love, no matter what we're going.
going through some of you guys have disqualified yourself
because you're going through, you know, you've got went
through an ugly divorce, you're still going through an ugly
custody race. So so many of you are still going to court over
custody situations. And you can disqualify yourself put yourself
in the waiting room because you're not worthy of love while
your life is messy. Have you have diagnoses, you have you
know, disorders, you have this ease in your body going on right
now in some way, shape or form, mental health issues, anxiety,
depression, all of the things, guys, I had a whole slew of
reasons why David Dorman should not love me when I met him as my
neighbor. And when he was my neighbor, I was safe. But as
soon as he started showing romantic interest in me, that's
when I started doing what Dan is doing to Yolanda, I started
pushing away, because I, I felt messy and broken and unworthy of
love. And so and that's really where he is as well. And so just
to kind of encourage you, we have a man still in our
community who when he came into our community, he had a pretty
serious diagnosis or prognosis. And he is completely healed in
remission. And, you know, seriously in relationship,
practically engaged to a woman in our community. And so, yeah,
so good things, good things. And so, so we're going to release
them, you're going to continue to pray, you're going to do
whatever God leads you to do. But in the meantime, you're just
going to give them to God. Because, you know, if this is
your person, it will come full circle. Okay. And so we just
pray for your heart that Shalom peace covers your heart during
this, you know, and, and that you continue to move forward in
the things that God is, is saying to you, because remember
what the word I just gave you? He knows your plans. Okay.
Thank you so much. I appreciate it.
You're welcome. All right. That's hard, you guys. No one
said that any of this would be easy. We just said that it'll be
worth it. Right? Okay, so anyone else want to jump in the love
seat? And you guys, I see some of you like, hey, you know, can
I DM you? Can I put you a message? We want you all to
create friendships here. But you know, you can create friendships
within the Facebook groups and communities that you have that
we have provided for you. And we have an app coming out that is
going to give you even more access to community with each
other. And then of course, we believe that 2024 is an in
person year. And so very soon here in the next week or so
we're going to be announcing our retreat and events and conference
dates for 2024. And don't worry, none of them are before spring.
So you have plenty of time to plan till none of them are
before April. And so but yes, well, because we want to see you
in person and we want you to see each other in person. And
that is going to be awesome. Okay. Lots of fun and good
stuff. Okay. Who else? If you have questions, put them in the
chat. I know Renee is going through and answering some of
them. And that's great. But if there are any really good ones,
Renee, maybe answer those out loud so that everyone in case
they missed it.
It looks like Danielle and Katie have their hands raised. I don't
know if they have something ready to go in the hot seat with
you on. Okay. Um, and Corinne to had her. Okay, so we'll go
Danielle, Katie, Corinne or Corinne because I never sound
things out. Right. All right, Danielle, you're up.
Hi, Jackie. Thanks for letting me jump into the seat. I'm
nervous. Um, so I recently started talking to a guy about
three weeks ago. And I've made a couple missteps that Jackie has
told us not to do. So the kind of the overall question like to
how to backtrack or maybe it's not. So anyway, we started
talking, um, we just hit it off. Like I've never had a connection
this quickly with it. We were supposed to go on our first
date, which was and then I got COVID. So we ended up having
like a phone date. And we talked for two hours. And then
the next day, we talked for two hours. And the next day, we
talked for two hours. And so we've seen each other in person
three times in the three weeks after I recovered and everything
like that. And we have a lot. I mean, we just have a lot of
great connection as far as we have the same backgrounds we
have. He was studying to go into social work. I'm a social
worker. He's has an entrepreneurial spirit. I have a
background in entrepreneurship. He's marriage minded. He's
godly, very clear about putting God first. So everything is just
going well in that regard. Um, my question is so pretty much
like after the first week we were
connecting so well, he was kind of like, so do I have any
competition? And I just don't know how to answer that
question. I was like, I was at the time I was still talking to
people because that's what you tell us to do. Even though
that's not my background. Like I've never I'm not as serious. I
didn't date a lot before or whatever. But I know it feels
awkward. Go ahead. So then I so I kept up for a while. And then
like, I don't know, three days later, I was like, you know, he
he would check in every time we spoke. So it was clearly on his
mind. And then so I, I wasn't really clicking with any of them
anyway. And so I kind of dropped it. And I told him that. So I
kind of feel like we all of a sudden, like, a week and a half
into it, be kind of became exclusive. Well, life has picked
up for him. He's going to school right now. He's in his last
semester, internship, school, all of this stuff, and really
doesn't have a lot of time at all. And I get that. And I'm
totally cool with that. But I kind of feel like I put myself
in a
quote, not in a
okay, so let's backtrack a little, just a minute. So did he
ask you, will you be my girlfriend? No, he didn't say
those words. He asked. So we're not exclusive, then okay, not
exclusive, just because we're not talking to anybody else
doesn't make us exclusive. Alright, so everyone, you need
to know that if a man, you know, wants you to be his girlfriend,
meaning, you know, exclusivity, monogamy, obviously, I'm not
talking about intercourse sex, but I'm talking about not going
out romantically with anyone else monogamy of just being
together and no one else is in the equation. So he didn't ask
that. But the fact that during your, you know, during your, you
know, getting to know you phase with him, he was constantly
asking if he had competition. That's the yellow flag for me.
You know, doesn't mean that he's doesn't mean he's a bad guy. And
doesn't mean he's going to end up being any kind of like, you
know, you know, person that you don't want to be in relationship
with. But it shows insecurity, right? It shows, you know, a
little bit of possessiveness of like a mindset of, you know, he
wants your undivided attention, you know, because, you know, is
it because he likes you? Okay, I'll give him that. But if he's
not in a season where he can be exclusive, and he can spend time
with you, and he can make you his girlfriend, then what
difference does it make? Right?
He said, I know, I don't have time to date anyone else. So he
has made it clear that he is exclusive. I don't know if that
fact matters.
Is he dating you? Because it sounds like you haven't.
Right. So what I mean, you see once a week, but yeah, like in
between, it's like, hey, go into bed. Have a good day. You know,
like, there's not any.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So let me ask you, do you feel you
still feel as excited about him as you did? Before?
I mean, I yes and no. I mean, I do our one on our face. Every
time we've been together. It's been incredible. Like we're
vibing. There's no discomfort. It's all of that is great.
Is there kissing?
There has been kissing? Yes.
Okay, so then you're exclusive. By default, right? By default,
you're exclusive. I mean, according to you know, my, my,
my, you know, boundaries, you're exclusive. And so I'm assuming
that he just is assuming that you're his girlfriend, without
asking you to be his girlfriend, since he's not seeing anyone
else. And he's kissing you. Yes. Okay. So let me ask you a
question. It sounds like the in between the once a week date is
lacking. And I get it that he's busy. But I will tell you, when
you're in the infatuation, everyone, please listen in the
infatuation stage of relationship, which is the
beginning of a relationship where you start dating someone,
and you're just getting up to the place where you're
exclusive. You know, there are a lot of times all you can think
about. Right? You're so excited about them. There's a lot of
anticipation. You don't care what age you are. I just I just
had coffee with two people that are well into their 60s that
cannot wait for the wedding night. They're so excited.
They're so like, you know, you know, just in love and just, you
know, all the things. And so that is how it is. And that is
how it should be. And that's how you deserve it to be. All
right. As you're leading up to marriage and beyond. Okay. And
so if he is, you know, actively excited at first, and now he's
really busy and he's in school and all that stuff. Guys, I've
seen I've seen people get two or three hours of sleep because
they really have a hectic job or schedule, but they're in love.
So I guess the next question
is going to have to be is, you know, um, how committed is he to this?
And, and you're, and a lot of people might be like, oh, well, is it too soon?
That no, it's not too soon.
They're exclusive and they're having, you know, physical intimacy.
So it's fair to have the conversation of, you know, what is this?
What, what is it that we want from this?
Cause I would hate for you to lock yourself down kind of with the kissing
bandit and it not go anywhere.
Right.
Um, all the, well, that was kind of my question.
Have I over committed too soon?
Then that was kind of like, how do you backtrack from that?
Well, by a conversation, because like you are, you are committed.
It is exclusive.
It is physical, you know, in, in an appropriate way, but it's still romantic.
All right.
And so it's fair for you to ask in the next in person, Hey, you know, I know
that this is an abundant time in your life, you're really busy, but, um, you
know, this is an important area of my life that I have dedicated this season
to focusing on, you know, I'm commitment minded, I'm relationship minded.
I'm eventually down, you know, whenever appropriate in relationship, marriage
minded, you know, is that what you are as well, because there isn't any reason
for you to stay on, you know, a highway going, you know, 50, 60 miles an hour.
If there's a dead end soon.
And you guys, it's a fair conversation when all of that's already happening.
Now, have they only been on a couple dates and had really great conversations,
but, you know, they're not seeing each other once a week and they're not
exclusive and there isn't romantic, you know, physical touch happening, then
we wouldn't have that conversation.
But it's, you know, and you don't have to have, it doesn't have to be like a
serious, extreme conversation.
Um, but it does have to be a conversation where you find out where's this guy's
head at, you know, and you know, what is his intentions towards you, you know,
long-term cool.
Cool.
And you want to add anything to that?
Before I jump into Jennifer, I'd jump into Katie and keep going.
All right, Katie, what do you got?
Okay.
Um, I have, I started seeing somebody or dating somebody about just over six
weeks ago and we, he's local, we have mutual friends, we're acquaintances
before, I kind of blew him off at first and was like, nah, like that might be
weird if it didn't work out because we have so many mutual friends.
Well, we've been seeing each other, I would say two to three times a week for
six weeks, um, things are going really good.
Um, and I think that I'm starting to think about, I have kids, he doesn't, my
kids are 11 and 15.
Um, it's a, I live in a smaller ish town, so I'm just kind of wondering, I think
I don't, I'm just kind of concerned or not concerned isn't the right word.
I want to do it right about with kids and all of that.
Um, so yeah, six weeks in two to three times a week.
And your question for him is, you know, are you willing to move to my small
town if this works out between the two of us?
No, he's in my small town.
Oh, he is there.
Oh, yes.
Question is, do I need to wait like six months before he meets my kids?
Like how does that meeting your kids?
Yeah.
I wouldn't introduce him to your kids until you know, he is a contender for
marriage, you know, because your kids, you know, depending on, because we
never, we never can tell, you know, I was single mom too.
We can't, you don't know how much your child is craving a man until you know
how much your child is craving and guys, same way craving a mother figure or
whatever.
And so they can latch onto that really fast.
Um, I know that when my mom, when my mom brought home, you know, her husbands or
you know, who her boyfriends or whatever, I was that weird little kid who was
calling them dad within a week, you know, because I just so wanted a father.
And so, um, you never know what a kid's going to do.
And so it's important that, you know, you know, that this man is a man that you
could marry that if, you know, if, if things got there, like you could marry
him, if things got there, that you respect him, that he's a man of integrity, that
you love what you're learning about him, that he is someone that you would want.
You know, that, that would, would guard your children's heart in a good way.
If they, if you started allowing him to be around them.
And so those are the things you need to know before you let him meet them, but
you guys, if, if it's serious and you guys have talked about it, you're six
weeks, two to three times a week.
And at the age group that you're in, um, pretty soon, I'd say, you know,
somewhere around the three month mark, you're going to know whether or not that this is a marriage
minded courtship. And when you know that, then discuss what it's going to look like for him to
get to know the kids, because that's when he's going to have to, because the kids may be a deal
breaker for him. I hate to say it that way, but you know, and that's why you got to need to get
to know them as well as you can beforehand, because yeah, we want to introduce the kids,
um, you know, not sooner rather than later, but at the same time, not to anyone who's not going
to understand that this love story comes with children included, and they already are wrapping
their head around that. And for those of you that have weird relationships with your former spouses
that were abusive, you know, you have a lot of volatility going on, um, that stuff that you'll
need to discuss as well, uh, in those, in those conversations, because they have to sign in,
they have to sign on for all that. Let them fall in love with you first
so that they can then love the things that are attached to you. Does that make sense?
Yep. Yeah. And you guys, my husband was my next door neighbor and our daughters played together
and we carpool each other's kids. So we already knew each other's kids when we were just friends
and neighbors. So that was really helpful for us, but I deal with a lot of blended family stuff
and you definitely don't want to introduce your kids until you're sure that this is someone that
you would marry them someday if it got to that place. Okay. Um, and let's see, I know
Corrine you were next. Is it Corrine or Corrine? Yeah. Corrine. Yeah, probably Corrine, but yeah,
it was Brazilian. I'm a Brazilian. So Jackie, I just had a broke up. Um, I thought I met my
spirit mate. I would meet my spirit mate before Christmas. It was really amazing. He lives in
town. Uh, we know each other's, um, yeah, we live in the community. We're from the same community.
Um, uh, we're dating for about two months. We would see each other a lot, which was really good
for me to get to know him. Uh, he is 11 years younger. So, um, 44, we talked about it. He was
like pretty okay with that. Talked about kids. Um, he was okay with it as well. So anyways, uh, I know
that I'm his first girlfriend after his divorce. That's one of the things that, um, actually helped
me realize that I could date someone because he had had a relationship. He told me he was okay
and he was ready for the relationship. Uh, so of course I, I asked God for some confirmations, but
I mean, in terms of how do I balance? Um, I just feel like it's hard for me right now to get over
it, especially because of our connection. Um, we had a lot of things in common and all, and
well, he broke up with me because he told me, God told him to let me go. And for me, it's really
hard. Cause I mean, I feel like there's of course the spiritual thing in it. And I pray and I pray
for confirmations. For me, it was totally different. I got a lot of different confirmations
about him being, couldn't, could, could be the one maybe. Right. Of course it's about choice,
but so yeah, I mean, it's just hard. I'm just in this mindset of like, Oh, am I going to find
someone better? Does God has the abundant beyond, you know? Cause for me, yeah. I loved like his
lifestyle, everything we talked about it. And he for sure he, he was in love. I have a feeling
that he got pretty scared. Um, right. And so, you know, I just said, I just, we're going to,
and you guys, the next past session is going to be more about attachment style. We're going to
dig into your attachment styles. You're going to take a quiz. Um, but relationship anxiety is a
real thing, especially for Christians and especially playing the God card. I feel like
God's telling me, no, I feel like God's telling me to break up with you. I feel like God is saying
that you're not the right person for me. And you guys so often that voice that people think is God
saying that to them is just their own anxiety, right? It's their own anxiety, letting them know
that, you know, that they're not ready basically. And so how are they going to get ready though?
How are they going to get ready? Especially if they're going to, you know, use God as a cop out
now, do I think that God ever says to somebody, Hey, you know, this person that you're falling
in love with or dating is not the right match for you. Do I think that God ever says that? Sure. But
Far too many people think that God is saying that.
I mean, it's a crazy amount of people.
In fact, my daughter just messaged me last night.
She's in her early 20s, and one of her good friends
had a long-term boyfriend who was like,
they've been dating for a couple years now,
and he just broke up with her yesterday
for the same exact reason, Corinne.
He said that God said that he needed to let her go,
just out of nowhere.
And so I do think that people are running
into their own attachment styles,
or running into their own unhealed traumas.
They're running into fear,
especially when things are starting to get serious
and there's nowhere else to go except to marriage.
When things start to get serious,
there's nowhere else to go except to marriage.
And so it's like, oh, I better get off the boat soon
because the next destination is marriage land.
You know, we've been sailing for a while now,
and it's like, I can't see the land that I came from.
And the thing is, is a lot of this is unconscious.
It's unconscious behavior.
And so it's important that people are, first of all,
dealing with their anxiety.
They're dealing with their fear of marriage.
They're dealing with all the stereotypes
that they believe about marriage.
They're also, and this is really important.
I want, for those of you that struggle
with relationship anxiety, and I did not say this
at our last session about relationship anxiety,
and all you phase two girls,
you don't know what I'm talking about
because you weren't there for that
because that's part of phase three path sessions,
but we're, don't worry.
We're gonna make sure that you get involved
with all of that.
Actually, I think we did invite you guys to that.
You were at that.
So, but part of the problem with,
part of the root of relationship anxiety
when we get closer to, you know,
are we going to go all the way
or aren't we gonna go all the way to marriage
is people don't understand that so much of your love
for each other only happens after marriage.
The moment that I said I do to David Dorman
17-ish years ago at the altar,
I love him exponentially more than I did that day.
You know, I loved him that day.
You know, I definitely had infatuation
and respect for him that day,
but the love that I have for him is so different
and so much bigger than that day.
And I feel like we don't understand
and we unconsciously think that
it's like all downhill from there.
And so I better be like on fire for this person,
like about to like combust at the altar
the day I marry them or they're just the wrong person.
No, actually that's probably more of a red flag
where that's probably more of a fleshmate situation.
Not that you shouldn't be physically attracted,
not that you shouldn't be infatuated,
but if you also don't feel safe,
if you also don't feel peaceful with that person,
that person makes you feel peaceful and not chaotic.
They make you feel safe.
You know, you feel like you can be yourself around them.
You feel like you can tell them anything
and that they're not gonna reject you,
they're gonna accept you, right?
These are more important green flags
than just being head over heels, goofy in love,
especially if you're beyond the age
of head over heels, goofy in love.
Now, infatuation should be part of all of our mixes,
but when we're kids and we don't understand
what life's really about,
we have a tendency to kind of like
throw everything to the wind.
We have a tendency to write our name
over and over again on a notebook,
just seeing how it would sound
with this man's last name connected to it,
or, you know, do whatever it is that we do because why?
Because it's a very immature way of thinking.
We don't know anything about the world yet.
We don't understand what goes into relationship yet.
And so friends, I wanna let you know
that depending on the relationships that you've had
and the experiences that you've had,
part of what happens when you start to get serious
about someone is you start to run into the objections
of, you know, the things that you know have to happen
in order to have a good relationship.
You start to run into unhealed trauma.
You start to run into, you know,
the fear of adequacy and failure
and all different types of things.
And you know what it all shows up as?
A lot of times it shows up as,
what if this is the wrong person for me?
You know?
And then what happens because you're feeling anxieties,
you start to take that as a sign that God's telling you
that this is not the right person for you.
Well, if this is the right person for me,
then I would feel completely secure.
I would feel like,
I would just feel total security in this moment, right?
That's not true.
You're not gonna feel total security
about anything in your life
if you're someone who has unhealed trauma.
You gotta unpack that stuff.
You gotta find out what's at the root of it.
Don't just assume that it's God.
I know so many people that are like,
well, I feel uneasy about this, so I.
I think that's God telling me not to do it,
about all kinds of stuff.
I feel uneasy about this trip,
so God must be telling me not to go.
Unpack your uneasiness, find out what's at the root of it,
because I guarantee you, it's not God.
God does not give us fear to keep us from doing things.
He doesn't have fear, and he doesn't dole it out
to try to keep you safe.
Think about that for a second.
God gives me fear to keep me safe, what?
God gives me fear about something to keep me safe,
which is a byproduct of love and peace.
He gives me fear to give me peace.
That doesn't make any sense, right?
So God does not give us fear,
he doesn't make us afraid of things,
he doesn't give us evil forebodings
and warnings about things.
That's not the way that works, okay?
So we need to unpack that stuff.
To answer Corinne's question,
obviously this is his choice, it's his free will,
there's nothing you can do about that.
It could be a whole myriad of things
that are causing him to do this
and think that God's saying that.
What I don't want you to do,
and I want everyone to listen here
that's been broken up with because someone said,
God told them to, don't get mad at God.
Because think about it, you really like this person,
you are falling in love with them, and God told them no?
Don't you love me, God?
Why would you tell them no?
I really love being with them,
I saw myself with them, I saw us together,
why would you do that?
Do you feel rejected?
And not just by them, now you feel rejected by God.
I'm not good enough for them, God?
Because he didn't tell you no, he told them no.
Do you guys get what I'm saying?
How you could just start to feel like,
you're some sort of lower quality than them
or something that God would say it.
You don't feel protected by God because once again,
he didn't tell you no, he told them no.
And so it's important that we understand that
a lot of times it's not God,
I would say very small percentage of times
it's God actually saying,
because remember, God gave us choice,
he gave us free will, he gave us free will.
So God is more likely to begin to allow you to see
all the areas of incompatibility.
If you continue to surrender the pen to God,
God's more likely to let you start to have some conflict
that brings some stuff to the surface
that you see how you're not gonna work through it, right?
Because they're either unteachable
or you're stubborn in that area, there's something,
that's more likely how God will be a matchbreaker,
not God just saying, let them go,
don't marry them.
Now, if you're in a dangerous situation
with someone who's completely unsafe,
and God's gonna kind of like grab you
by the back of your shirt before you fall off the cliff,
that's definitely something.
But you guys, those situations are very few and far between.
And a lot of times you've known for a long time
because you've been driving through the detour signs
and the turn back signs and the dead end road signs
for a while in that relationship
before you finally get to that place
where you feel like God's kind of pulling you back
because he loves you, right?
I know that that was a really long answer,
but I think it's super important
because so many people feel like they have been,
if you're offended by this, I apologize,
but cock-blocked by God.
And it's just really crazy, you know,
where God just shows up and says, nope, you don't get them.
It's like, what, what the heck, you know?
And if you don't know what that word means,
do not Google it.
It's the stuff the kids say nowadays
when someone kind of comes and they like, you know,
divert someone's attention away from you
and keep you from getting able
to get into a relationship with them.
All right, so I apologize if that was off color,
but you know what?
I come from the Christians
who cuss a little tiny bit place, just a little bit.
Okay, all right.
So I'm working on it, y'all, pray for me.
I'm working on it.
Okay.
Can I just say something then about,
well, for me, it was so confusing.
Thank you so much for that.
Cause I remember when he broke up,
he was like, if I could choose
with everything I have right now, it's so perfect.
I feel so attracted to you.
I feel like we have the best connection.
I feel that and that and that and that.
And I could see that for our daily, whatever, you know?
And then he said, but he is telling me that.
And I don't know.
It's just like-
Corinne, I'm telling you, babe, somebody got to him.
God's telling him that through the advice of somebody else, like, yes, listen, you know,
whether it's the age difference or whether it's like, guys, and I've heard this so many
times, I feel like we have to talk about it.
So many people say things like, I don't feel like our callings are aligned, y'all listen
up calling, all of you are called to the very same thing.
And anyone that you ever meet in this life, it's a Christ follower is called to the very
same thing.
And that is to show this era, this age, this culture, this world, what it looks like to
be a son or daughter of God.
That is all of our callings that can take a million different, you know, directions.
And when we come together and we get married, there'll be a mixture of our callings.
Now, if you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are still called to overseas missions
and that you should be in a country and you're like, you're supposed to be there, you need
to be there.
Your passion is there, your desire is there, and you're going to live there for the rest
of your life.
Then of course, that person's going to want to have to live there.
And more likely than not, God's going to give you a national, someone who's from that country
that already lives there as your spouse, as your mate, if that's your calling.
Because so, so very few people are called to that.
Even if you have a missions calling, it doesn't mean you're going to stay in other places
all the rest of your life.
Okay.
I know so many missionaries that have been called back to America lately because y'all,
America needs Jesus.
I know that we think it's other countries that need Jesus, but America needs Jesus.
Okay.
And so, so many missionaries are coming back from foreign fields to here, you know, and
so you got to just hand the pen.
What's most important when you're matching with someone is that if you're the kind of
person that if God says, Hey, you know, will you go?
And you're like, yes, choose me that you marry someone who's also like that.
Who's willing to go any crazy place that God sends them, not just geographically, but just
like, Hey, you know, let's, uh, let's get up and move to Texas.
Me and David Dorman, let's put all of our stuff in a U-Haul and just move to Texas.
We don't have anywhere to live, but God's telling us that we need to go.
And we both confirmed that for each other.
And then we came here with no place to live.
You got to marry people that are crazy like that.
If you are crazy like that, not all people are crazy like that, but if you are, then
make sure you marry someone like that.
So Corinne, I don't know.
I don't know if his friends, if his family, if his pastor, I will say this, you can't
miss on your spirit mate.
So right now we just say this.
If this is your spirit mate, Lord, we pray that whatever he's listening to, that's causing
him to get cold feet, that he hears very clearly Proverbs 18 22, that he has found
a good thing and obtained favor from the Lord.
Cause I don't believe you can miss out guys.
Case in point, there was a wedding a couple of weeks ago.
I met her in New York city.
I'm going to be there again.
You guys next weekend, we're sending out an email for all of you that want to discount
a ticket.
Okay.
Um, they are going to, uh, they, they just got married, but he broke up with her years
ago.
And I was heartbroken at this conference that I met her at because she still was in
love with this person that broke up with her a few years earlier because his spiritual
leader in his life set, told him that she wasn't the person for him.
And he listened to that because he trusted this person spiritually.
Well, guess what?
That person was wrong.
And this boy never got over her, never got past it.
And then that spiritual leader got into some situations where it looked like he wasn't
really hearing from the Lord as much as this kid thought he was.
And then this kid woke up and realized, you know what?
This wasn't from God.
And he got back in touch with her.
She was still single.
She was still waiting on him too.
And now they're married.
So let's all give a high five to Holy spirit because that is what happens, but we don't
listen.
We don't want to wait a couple of years.
We want to listen to God now.
And we, we want to make sure you guys, if you feel like God is telling you something
super serious, like the person that you're falling in love with, that they're not the
one for you ask for confirmations of that and not through all your own prayer and your
own fasting outward confirmations in a multitude of counselors or a safety, the mouth of two
or three witnesses, let a word be established.
Okay.
That's really important.
We don't make huge, important decisions on that based on some kind of, you know, thing
that you think God is saying to you.
All right.
We don't want to do that because that's where that's where relationship anxiety starts to
sound a whole lot like God and it's not him.
Okay.
Is there advice on what to do with the guy?
If you already messed up physically with them, are we advised to cut off communication?
I mean, there are people that have.
on too far physically with people that they're married to now, and you do have to overcome
some trust issues with that.
Um, but there are people that are happily married that have even gone as far as having,
you know, premarital intercourse before they got married.
It just depends on whether or not you're willing to deal with what caused you to, you know,
cause a lot of times those are less based relationships.
And so we don't obviously want to be married to someone based on lust and we don't want
to marry flesh mates.
We want spirit mates.
Do we want to be attracted to their flesh?
Yes.
But your body shouldn't get the big, the biggest vote.
Okay.
Your spirit and your soul, they need to be on board first and then your body then gets
it.
Right.
Think of it as, you know, the United States government, it's, it's supposed to be a three
branch government where one branch can't just run amok and do whatever it wants to do.
The same thing with your attractions.
Okay.
You can't have your body doesn't get the executive veto.
It doesn't get to say, I don't care what you're saying, spirit and soul.
I got the hots.
All right.
I'm hot to try right now.
And I choose him.
And so that's not what gets to happen.
Okay.
Or I choose her and guys, you too, I always forget you're here.
So I, I apologize.
All right.
So one girl who I grew up in, so, so Mary, it could, it's, it's more about, is it a lust
issue?
It's not about messing up physically, you guys, this is not like, God doesn't hide sex
from you.
He saves it for you in covenant for a reason, because it's Holy.
It's not common.
It's Holy, Holy stuff happens during sex.
Even if you're not trying to have Holy stuff happen, supernatural stuff happens during sex.
Even if you're not trying to have supernatural stuff happen.
And the problem is that some of that supernatural stuff that happens is not good stuff.
If it's not a good thing.
And so it's important that we understand that and stop making sex so common.
It's not common.
I was supposed to stay with someone who was controlling and manipulative and made me feel
that I wasn't good enough for them, but I thought they were the one.
So I have no idea what's going on with that question.
That seems kind of out of pocket.
So I'm not sure what that means.
Okay.
I, I'm just coming in the middle of the conversation.
So hopefully Renee, you're fielding those.
Okay.
All right.
Anyone else?
Jennifer loves to go for it.
Okay.
Here we go.
Okay.
So I have been in the program a couple of years and I got into a, I've been, it's been
10 months since I met the guy I've been dating.
Boyfriend.
Jennifer.
I think that it's important to tell people that you came in as a widow.
Yeah.
I was going to say that.
Yeah.
Okay.
I came in as a widow.
It's been seven years.
And so I've had a lot of fear and anxiety just moving forward, moving on with my life,
all this.
And so I met this guy online and just things really were matching and still are with just
a lot of things, spiritually, emotionally, physically, things like that.
But we kind of hit some rough spots.
So all this attachment stuff, I feel avoidant, anxiety, relational.
I think I've got that.
I just trying to figure out that our compatibility mostly, however, we ran into some tough stuff
in like December around my birthday and it just got awkward.
And he has like, I think some fears of rejection.
So he kind of starts shutting down and we had plans for Christmas Eve and he's like,
we had a calendar invite and all of a sudden he just deleted it and never said anything
about it.
And so there's this conversation about why are you doing that?
Or he would just text weird things kind of like that.
And I just, I would get triggered.
And then I was like, well, I don't know if this is the guy for me because we can't communicate
and he's just shutting me out of his life or he'll be like, I got to go.
So these little things were happening.
We worked it out after new year's I'm like, and he told me some things I was doing, which
wasn't like giving him as much back, which I felt I wasn't like I was insecure at that
point.
So I wasn't giving him the love.
I wasn't giving him the, the, the, the, like, you know, I want to be with you feel.
So we went through Symbus even, and I went through going, this will help us know whether
or not this could be the thing he's met my kids.
My kids love him.
They're like, mom, what are you doing?
We basically almost broke up.
Then started talking again this past week.
He sends me a text saying, yeah, I just think we're just, I'm not getting what I need.
And you're not, you know, kind of, I'm not giving him back what he's giving to me.
He's all about it.
He wants to be married.
He's not like today or tomorrow, but he's marriage minded.
And so we kind of just broke up over text.
I tried calling him and he didn't want to talk.
So we texted through a bunch of stuff, which has been common in our relationship to text
through things.
I prefer to talk in person.
them. And then we've just been talking since so we're not, I
don't want to be in a situation ship, but we're still talking
through things on text, we haven't seen each other in
person, but it's like, we kind of ended things. And he said,
Okay, well, I'm going to delete this, I'm going to delete that
I'm going to delete our messages and just kind of put a wall up.
And then I think he started realizing what he'd done. And
like as opening up and talking through things with me now, but
I just don't know where I'm at. Like, I don't know if you can
overcome what we've been through.
Okay, so all right, so here's the thing. So you guys, and for
those of you that, you know, have our, you know, widows, and
you had a great relationship or not great relationship, you
know, no one that you meet going forward is going to be like
your former spouse. Okay, that's good for you divorce Burleys
too. But you know, most of the time, we are glad that we're
divorced. Not everyone's, you know, there are people that
let's, let's, let's not get it twisted. There are people whose
spouse has passed away that they are relieved not to be in that
relationship anymore. There wasn't a happy marriage. But
then there are people that had really great marriages, which
Jennifer's one of those people. And you know, no one's going to
be him. They're not they're not gonna they're not gonna respond
like him. They're not going to communicate like him. They're
not going to do do things like him. They're just not going to
because you know, he was one of a kind. And, and that was a
beautiful marriage and relationship. And but we can't
we can't go back to it, right? We have to go forward. And so we
have to begin to open our hearts to, hey, it doesn't, it's not
necessarily better. It's different, right? It's
different. And so from the very beginning, you know, this man
has shown all the intention and all the desire for you. And you
have been a very avoidant attachment. Yeah. Right. And so
people eventually they get tired of that. Right. So that sounds
like that's what's happening here. So you know, I'm sure that
you guys, everyone has compatibility issues. It's, it's
about whether or not we can overcome them, whether or not we
want to overcome them. Now, I'm not a fan. You guys, if you're
going to write anything down, write this down. I am not a fan
of polar opposites. Okay. I am not a fan of that. Because it,
even if you're both teachable, and even if you both really
desire to understand each other, it's going to be a huge learning
curve. If you are a polar opposite personality. Okay. But
I love complimentary opposites. I love it when we have, you
know, some really core important things in common, we think the
same way in some core areas. But then we have a lot of
differences as well. That keeps it interesting. That keeps it
fun. I love it. I also am not a huge fan of people that are
exactly like people that marry people that are just like them.
You know, they finish each other's sentences. You know, in
the way of because they think alike, and they do things alike.
And a lot of times they have the same bad habits as each other,
you know, I'm not I'm not a huge fan of that either. Once again,
eventually, that's not going to refine you, it's not going to
challenge you. And then polar opposites, you are going to be
too challenged, right? So right there. But in the complimentary
opposite fate, you know, in that, in that place, that is, to me
the best. Now, can you marry someone polar opposite? Can you
marry someone exactly like you? Yes. But just know that you're
going to have to work harder at being challenged and growing. If
you guys have the same weaknesses and strengths. And if
you have really opposite understandings, you know, you're
going to be looking a lot of times like a cow at a new gate
to your spouse, you're not gonna understand what the heck they're
talking about why they want what they want. And so you're going
to have to really, really desire to understand each other and
really work it almost like a job. But in that complimentary
opposite space, you're going to have enough tension with the
opposite that's going to stretch you, but you're going to have
enough in common that is going to secure you. And that's going
to be really good. Okay. That being said, you know, she's the
compatibility issues. You're always going to have things in
relationship, whether you're any of those three categories,
you're always going to have compatibility stuff. Are we
compatible in this? Well, do you want to be is the answer to that
question? Do you want to be compatible? Are you willing to
listen to each other? Are you willing to hear each other out?
Are you willing to grow? Are you willing to change based on what
this other person is saying that they need from you? Okay.
And so, so I guess at the end of the day, my question to you,
Jennifer, is do you miss him?
Yeah, but I'm still talking to him. But yes, I know. But I mean,
do you miss him? Does the thought of him not being in
your life?
Does that make you sad?
Yeah, right now.
Okay, if you if this was it this was over, you know, would this
be a heartbreak?
Yeah.
Okay.
So even though you have some anxious attachment, I mean some
some avoidant attachment because of being a widow and because
you were happily married to your former spouse and because
he's nothing like him and you know overcoming that portion
of it.
You know, there has been it's been a slow burn for you, but
it sounds like you're there.
It sounds like you are attaching.
Yeah, and he likes that I'm now reaching out to him and I'm
like, I'm realizing the things that I didn't say.
I mean, I knew it but I also was scared and you didn't know
like if I did that that meant that's it we're together and
I like I wanted to have control.
I wanted to know like I made the steps and I know where that's
coming from.
It's just you know, my own thing.
But yeah, but here's what I don't want you to do.
I don't want your pendulum to swing from anxious at the from
avoid an attachment to anxious attachment where you're like,
don't leave don't leave.
No, no.
No, you know, I want to be with you.
No, we want to go to a place where you know, we're having
grown-up conversations about what went wrong about why you
were holding back about why your heart wasn't open, you know
about how you are actively wanting to open your heart and
you got instead of you know, instead of doing this back and
forth texting and stuff.
Do you want to try again with the new information?
And Jennifer if he says no, then there can't be any more of
this being strung along.
Sure.
Okay.
So we have a grown-up conversation.
You guys have been in relationship for 10 months.
Look, I'm owning my side of the street.
I know that I was avoidant.
I know that I was, you know, I would take two steps forward
and three steps back because of my grief because of these
things and I want to try again with new information.
I feel like this break has caused me to know that I really
would be sad you guys men need to know this as much as women
do that.
We miss them that we want to be with them that we think about
them when they're gone men need to feel love.
They need to feel wanted.
Okay, and so when you express that to him if he's just like
nope, I can't try again.
Then that's it.
We're not going to keep going back and forth just to get a
dopamine hit.
If he says no, we're not going to try again with this new
understanding then you got to move on and unfortunately, you're
going to have to cut off because you don't want to drag your
kids through that just because now it's like makeup and breakup
and there's you guys there's a lot of dopamine and makeup and
breakup and we don't want to do that because that's super
unhealthy.
Lee the other thing my friends are saying I have two good
girlfriends.
They're like, oh, I don't think this is good for you.
So that feeds in my brain all the time and and it's like, oh
no, what's the evidence?
Just what I've told them about how I'm struggling with.
The communication style and the problems we've had.
Okay.
So here's the thing we need to know about the people that love
us everyone.
Listen up.
My daughter has done this and and I had to tell her this so
this is advice that I would even give to my own child and
that's this do not tell the people that that you love all
of the things that you're struggling with with someone
that you're dating and especially seriously dating unless
you also tell them why you're struggling with it because you
miss your former husband that's passed away because he
communicates in a completely different way than he does
because you're avoidance Lee attached and you're looking for
flaws and chinks in the armor because if you tell your girlfriends
that and they're still like, oh, he's no good for you.
No, then they're not wise, you know and said they should make
you own your side of the street.
You guys good friends will check you before you wreck you remember
that.
Okay, good friends will say okay, but what about you?
What about you?
Now if it's overtly abusive, then it's like girl run or like
hey get the shotgun.
I'll get the shovel sometimes.
I've never killed anyone.
All right, just want to let you know, but you know what I'm
saying, right?
Yeah, and so and I have started to realize like I've only told
them all this negative stuff.
So I have told them like I'm realizing the things I've done
now and they're like we just want you to be happy.
So at least we're getting to that place.
So right and because they want you to be happy.
They're going to give you bad advice.
If you give them half information because they're protective
of you.
He's nobody to them.
So it's okay.
All right, so you're going to have you're going to have the
grown-up conversation and we're going to make a decision about
whether with this new information about really where you are
in your heart and really what you want.
Are we going to go ahead and try again with that new information?
I mean, it has to be one or the other.
We can't live in limbo land now.
Okay, you guys, I don't care who you are.
That's good advice.
All right, that's good advice.
That's Holy Spirit advice right there.
All right, so some of you are like,
hey, you know, I'm here and I'm trying
and you know, nothing's happened yet.
You guys, I can't tell you and I'm gonna encourage you.
I can't tell you how many success stories
we have in this community that were right where you are.
They weren't having any luck, all right?
Carla, who's one of our dating coaches in phase two now.
You guys, she didn't have any luck
for over a year in this program.
And I'm not saying that to shock you
or hurt your feelings or scare you,
but she had more work to do than she thought, all right?
God is part of this equation.
We're doing our part,
but there is a part that only God can do.
And sometimes we're still not ready to give up the pen.
We think we have, but in her case, for instance,
she was not willing to relocate until,
count them, two days before she met her now husband.
And every time I would have a one-on-one call with her
because she was so upset about still being single
and all of the girls from her era of this program
were married and what happened to her
and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Every call I would say to her,
are you ready to relocate yet?
No, I'm not leaving Florida.
I'm like, well, this conversation's over then, honey bun.
Because I knew the moment that I met her,
sometimes I know, you guys,
I'm not like your magic, like Oracle genie,
but sometimes I just know, because I do,
that you have to do something that you haven't done yet.
And in her case, I knew what it was.
She needed to be willing to relocate.
And in our last conversation where she was fed up
and sick and tired of being sick and tired,
she finally said, fine, yes,
I will go anywhere for my love story.
Boop, two days later, she got introduced to her husband
and now she's married.
Now, does it always happen that way?
Not necessarily two days later,
but you guys, there are other things
that God's working on us with.
So stay the path, stay the course,
continue to do the work and know
that just because it hasn't happened to you
in three months, four months, five months, six months,
some of you that are discouraged,
you guys haven't even been in here for nine months,
as long as it takes to birth a baby, okay?
You're here for a reason.
Let's stay focused on what that is.
And that is to work on your relationship with yourself
and with God and God will add,
because remember when you're rooted in love,
that is when you are able to intertwine your branches
with someone else who's rooted in love.
And that is what we wanna do.
That is what we wanna do.
We're not looking to fill a God-shaped hole
with a man or a woman.
That's not what we're here to do.
We are here to continue to allow God to work on us,
come to prayer, come to all the things,
continue to become the best version of yourself.
That's a win-win.
And I will tell you, God has a love story for you.
He does.
And it's gonna happen.
I'm gonna jump in there to you guys,
because you know I'm still single.
Go live life, go do fun things.
Oh my gosh, since I've been in this program,
I've published a book, I got into seminary school,
I'm losing weight, I'm getting healthy.
Go find the things that bring you joy
and go be the best version of yourself,
because that's where he or she is going to be.
Exactly.
If you just waste your time doing it like a job,
and I gotta find a man and I gotta find a woman,
I gotta, gotta, gotta, go live life.
He is there, she is there.
Go find joy.
And you guys, you're not here, listen,
hopefully you don't think that you're here
to only focus on finding,
I mean, we have so much more to offer you here
of like what Renee is saying,
of just stoking the fire of what God's put inside of you
so that you can find your running mate.
You gotta be running to find your running mate,
and we want to help you run, and we have.
And for those of you that asked, did she relocate?
Yes, ma'am, she relocated all the way to Texas
from Florida, and guess what?
She don't love it.
She doesn't love Texas, but she loves her new family,
and she loves her marriage,
and she's learning and growing
to love her new geographic location.
You know what I always tell people, nothing's forever.
Just because you relocate for your love story
doesn't mean you're gonna live there forever, right?
And so please remember that.
It's good stuff, okay.
And what Renee didn't mention is,
is that the confidence that she got
from being in this community
is what caused her to do the things
that she was talking about,
about going back to school or publishing her book,
you know, the confidence, the support,
you know, the camaraderie, all the different things.
And of course, God has a spirit mate for her,
probably some academic that she'll meet in seminary.
and, uh, God is good. So, um, and the other good thing for all of you is, is that had
she run off and got married already, she probably wouldn't be here, um, helping you. So, um,
so it's a win-win. So true. Like you guys, I'm saying that, and I have done all the things
I've done, the therapy, the retreats, the Sozo's, this heart healing, this community
with Jackie has changed my life. It has saved my life. I have felt the dark night of the
soul. So when I see you guys whining and being sad and depressed and just, I get it. I'm
telling you, I get it. This program is life. It is life. Receive what it has for you.
And you guys, I want to tell you something. You're always going to be in process with
something. You know, I'm married, you know, I've been married for 17 years, but there
are things that I want that I do not have in my hands yet, but you know what they're
coming and I'm working towards them. I'm taking expectant hopeful preparation because that's
what weight really means. Right? And that's all we can do. You guys, God gives us a promise
and we absolutely give ourselves over to the process. And this is part of that process.
But like Renee said, there's so many other babies in your womb, gentlemen, you as well,
that will be birthed. And we want to be your midwives for that. I want you to get excited.
We want you to, you know, get into community. We want you to grow spiritually, relationally,
mentally, physically. So many women in this group and men have lost like whole people.
Some people have lost like a hundred and something pounds after being in here. They can never do it
before, but then all of a sudden they just start really loving themselves because they're doing
the hard work and they're in here. People have gone back to school. People have changed careers.
People have published books. People have traveled for the first time out of the country to different
places. People have taken risks. People have moved geographically. Remember that one cheeky mama that
got married Renee that moved and said, she kept telling me she knew after being in here, she's
very new to the prophetic, but she, she felt like God told her that her spouse was in Ohio. You guys,
she got her was bins to move with her because they had joint custody to Ohio, not with her in
the house, but moved to Ohio as well. Talk about a God thing. And as soon as she got there,
she, she went out on two dates. One with a guy that was a dud. And the second guy was her spirit
mate and she got married and now she has a baby and now living happily ever after. Okay. She moved
all the way from the Pacific Northwest to Ohio. And as someone who comes from Ohio, you just don't
move there unless it's God. I mean, why, why, why would you do that? Right? Seriously. Seriously.
Okay. So I know that we're over by a few minutes. I see some really amazing people in here that have
been such a blessing to this community and they're part of the OG crew. And you know, and I know that
God has spirit mates for them. Some of them have gotten really close. They've been in serious
relationships like Aaron joy. You know, and it just wasn't the right person, but it was preparing
them for the right person. And so now they all have, they have all the skills that they need.
Sometimes there's a person before the person friends. Sometimes there's a person or two before
the person. Why is that? Because you need the skills. You need the, you need the practice.
You need the experience. You need to, to find out more about what you want, what you don't want,
who you are, who you're not. Some of you have just simply not had enough interactions with the
opposite sex. It's not a situation where you just marry the first guy or girl who looks at you and
says, Ooh, you're pretty. No, that's not the way it works. Or, Oh, you're handsome. No, it's more
intentional than that because more is at stake. Remember these are not regular marriages. I'm
gonna start preaching. These are kingdom alliances for the purpose of coming together and changing
the world. These are customized matches. They're not just so that you have someone to Netflix and
chill with. That is not what's up here. Yes, girl. Yes. And so that's not what's going on here.
It's about so much more than that. And so it's important that we believe that we're that important
that God has a customized match for us. And that we begin to believe if you're not right now,
we release hope over you to believe that the fact that you want it is evidence enough that God
wants it for you. That's it. And yes, is there warfare against, you know, marriage and family
in the earth more than anything else? You guys, it is public enemy. Number one to the kingdom of
darkness. The enemy does not want people to come together in partnership and he does not want us to
bear seed. Don't you remember what happened in the garden of Eden? The enemy is after the seed of
woman. And so if woman never has any seed, do you understand what I'm saying? Marriage and family.
is public enemy number one. And for those of you that are like, well, I'm past, you know,
seed bearing years, that's fine because you're still called with your spirit mate to raise up
kingdom family in the earth. Whether that's through your business or whether that's through
your vocation or whether that's through your community, it doesn't matter. Part of your
calling with your spirit mate will always be to disciple sons and daughters. It will always be
so good one way, shape or form always really good. Okay. So let's start believing that we're
important and that we have assignments that are too big for us to do them alone. We need partners.
We need community and we need each other. Why? Because we are a hundred percent better together.
And so let's start believing that. Shall we? All right, everyone. So father God, I thank you for
your sons and daughters. I thank you for tonight for this love seat. Um, I thank you for all the
wisdom that heaven has released over us tonight to us and through us. And I'm asking that you
would allow them as they go off and they go to bed tonight, that you would give them dreams that you
would just place inside of them. Um, the understanding that you would deposit inside of
their hearts, the understanding that they're important, that they're, that their unions are
important, that their marriages are important, that their partnerships are important, that their
lives are important, that their dreams, their gifts, their callings, some of which they don't
even know anything about are important guys. I was on a, I was on a thing, um, like a podcast
kind of about Proverbs and Proverbs 27, which I had never read before. Uh, I'll just be honest.
Um, I seen verses in Proverbs 27, but I'd never read the whole Proverbs. I don't think. And so
that was the one that I was assigned. And I love the very beginning of Proverbs 27,
because it just says, you know, don't announce your plans for tomorrow. This is the message
translation. I it's in my head now, because I loved it that much because you don't know the
first thing about tomorrow. Don't announce your plans for tomorrow because you don't know the
first thing about tomorrow. All God is saying there is that what a difference a day can make,
you know, you might think that, you know, you don't got much going on in your life, but only
one day, one turn of the calendar page, because there was a day in April of 2007 that the next
door neighbor house was empty. And then all of a sudden it wasn't. And who lived there? My husband,
that's who lived there. Come on. If you don't feel Holy spirit on that, then let's see if
you're alive. Let's raise you from the dead in Jesus name, because I'm telling you right now,
one day, one day, I almost moved. My lease was, my lease was over. I had to re-sign it.
The difference of what one day makes I re-sign the lease. And a few months later,
the place that's empty next door is now no longer empty. It has my future family in it. It has my
husband and my future children living inside of it, just waiting for me and my daughter to join
them. And guess what? Eight months later we did. So that's the difference that one day can make.
So even if you have all kinds of things going on or nothing at all, remember that tomorrow
is in the hands of God. And all we have to do is do today. Well, just do today. Well,
do today. Well, keep doing what you know to do today. Take imperfect action on the promises of
God. You let God take care of tomorrow because in one of these tomorrows, your promises are going
to be fulfilled, but when it happens, it's going to be today, right? And so that's, what's important.
And so father gives us all hope that the story's not over yet, that you have so much more to give
us. And we declare that 2024 is the year of Romans eight 28 is the year where we see everything
worked out to our good in Jesus name. Amen. All right. Love y'all go with God. And you guys,
if you got healed the other night on that healing, please make sure that you post and testify in your
groups. We want to know about that. And, um, and God highlight them, let their spirit mates find
them and let's go. See you soon. Bye.