All right, so welcome to Love Story Accelerator.
It is Tuesday, February 6th, and I've got some housekeeping items, whatever they feel
like the Lord is telling me to tell you, and then really the show is yours.
And so I'm super glad that you are here.
Let me quickly open this up in prayer.
Father God, we just thank you so much that you delight in your daughters, and I love
that we have an opportunity and the space and the grace to partner together as we walk
through our singleness.
Father God, that you are not just bringing our spirit mates in this time, but you are
bringing abundance and healing and restoration and redemption to all areas of our life.
And so Father God, we just thank you for being a part of our love story, which is bigger
because your love is so much bigger than the guy that we're going to marry.
So we just thank you that you love us so deeply in Jesus name.
Amen.
Okay.
So y'all, Jackie mentioned it, I think on Supernatural Saturday, but I also went to
The Chosen.
No one warned me.
It was three and a half hours and three episodes, and I went to a 7.45 PM showing.
So I was really, I think I might've fallen asleep for 10 minutes.
I might've, I'm not going to lie.
You know, but one of the scenes, which I'm not going to spoiler alert on it, but this
is not the first time they've kind of portrayed this scene where Jesus has these moments with
somebody and they're either wanting a physical healing and they're wanting to come through.
And Jesus is like, it's not my time to do it.
It's not my time.
And so, you know, scripture is filled with so many times where Jesus healed many, but
he didn't heal everybody.
And there are so many parts of scripture and our story that we're not going to get
a complete understanding of this side of the veil.
And so we just have to trust and know in our knower that God is for his girls, that he
sees the first and the last, he sees what goes before us and behind us.
And we really do need to constantly look at our love story through the lens that Papa
God loves us more than any guy we're going to find.
That if he's got whoever he's got for us, we can't mess it up.
He's God and God is bigger than any snafu.
So I want you to like have that lens as you're working on your profile, as you start to match
with guys, as you text with them online, as you talk to the guy at the grocery stores,
you talk to some guy at church, like all in phase two and even in phase three, you guys,
if we don't get this, if we don't trust who God says we are and whose we are, we're always
going to be dating still through this lens of, I need this guy to validate my worth.
And so, and I say that with a lot of love because I, you know, I'm not one of, I'm,
I kind of help here and I kind of lay back and do some of the teachings, but I'm not
one of the day-to-day coaches in phase three, but sometimes I can't help myself and I have
to intervene because I'm like, y'all, you didn't listen to a dang thing.
I told you in the online dating class, why are you talking to some stranger on Instagram
who is in Nigeria for the next four months?
Like, no, like, no, stop it.
And so I really want to make sure that when you look at, so I'm going to kind of talk
just a little bit about each of those four videos that you should be watching.
Dating 101 for the love of Pete, if you are oversharing in text messages and your first
video dates and your first dates, please go back to dating 101 because in there, Jackie
talks about level one dating and level two dating.
Dare I say, if you are talking to a stranger online or a stranger at the grocery store,
you are level one dating.
This is just random information.
You don't care if the entire world knows.
I call it your resume, but no, do I want you to whip out your resume and talk about your
former jobs?
No, I'm just saying it's the information.
You will never feel like you had an emotional hangover telling that person.
It's like now each of us is different.
So what Laura and Maria might feel comfortable saying to a stranger might be different than
me.
I'm Italian.
We kind of overshare.
And so like, and my sister tells me all the time, Renee, like, I can't believe you post
that stuff on social media.
And I say that it's what I would call controlled vulnerability.
Renee Brown kind of coined that phrase.
It's called controlled vulnerability.
It's part of my teaching and speaking style.
I am only vulnerable on Instagram and social media and to you and to men in the places
that it's a part of my story and I no longer have open wounds and scars and I don't need
anybody to heal me.
God has healed me and I'm good there.
The stuff that I'm still raw and battling out,
that is stuff I don't share online.
It's not stuff I'm gonna share on the first date.
So I really wanted to drive this home tonight
because I just keep seeing women over-complicating
those first conversations with men.
So when you are only talking to somebody by text,
keep it super simple.
Kiss, keep it super simple.
Like I literally just had a guy,
I just texted and I was like, that's a great question,
but you know what, it's too clunky.
That's the word I use.
I say it's too clunky for texting.
I'm a visual learner.
I like to hear tone and inflection, see body language.
Can we just switch over to a video chat?
I don't mind being the first to say it
because nine out of 10 times they're like, oh, cool, okay.
And they're like, do you wanna exchange phone numbers?
No, I don't.
Let me give you my Zoom account.
Okay, you guys, here's why I don't give out
a cell phone number.
And it has little to do with, well, it's safe.
It is, and you're like, well, but I can get a Google number.
Here's why I don't like giving out Google numbers either.
Because if you give out this number,
one, you're not gonna stop him from just texting you.
They're gonna just take that,
they're just gonna take that texting crap
over to the phone, right?
And they now have access to you 24 seven.
So they don't have any boundary on your day.
I don't know about you guys,
but I'm amazed at the amount of men who can text me
all throughout the day on an app.
Really, don't you people have a job?
I would fire you if I knew you were on a social media app
this much during the day
while you're supposed to be doing your job.
Because not all the guys I'm talking to are retired.
So I don't like it because I can't control them
from continuing the text.
And that means that they have 24 hour access to me.
Here's why I like switching to a video chat.
You have to book it.
If you video FaceTime now, if you've got an iPhone,
you're like, oh, but we can just FaceTime.
If you have Facebook Messenger,
we can just Facebook Messenger.
I know, but then they don't treat it like a date.
They're like, they're gonna just video chat you,
calling you whenever you want.
And that's okay when it's your boyfriend.
That's okay when you start dating.
But when you're trying to get your best foot forward
and his attention and your attention,
you wanna know that you're getting his attention.
And so the only way that you can do that
is to get off the texting and to a video chat.
And the only way you get off the texting
is you only do the resume information.
Because you're gonna run out of things to talk about.
You only have so many interests and colors
that are favored in movies that you like to go to
and the music you like to go to, jobs that you've had,
what kind of hiking you like to do.
Everybody wants to go hiking, right?
So you can only say that in so many text messages.
At some point, they're gonna wanna ask you,
have you been married?
Do you have kids?
What did you learn from the divorce?
Wow, you're widowed, you're divorced?
Has it been long enough?
Did you heal yet?
Did you go into therapy?
Right, like those questions are not text questions.
And so like, I'm just beating this home, you guys,
because I'm reading your posts and I'm reading phase three.
And I don't want you guys, this crop right here,
I don't want you going into phase three
and a year from now still doing this.
I'm gonna save you of that.
And this would be true if you met a guy at the gym
or you met a guy at the grocery store
and you guys like meet them,
start to talk to strangers everywhere you go.
Let men hold the door open for you.
Let men, like you guys, I'm a short girl.
And even if you're kind of not short,
pretend you're short at the grocery store.
Pretend like you can't reach something and ask a guy.
Now you're like, well, but Renee, maybe he's married.
I don't care.
You're just getting in the habit of recognizing men,
smiling at men and being courteous to men.
You guys like, I love it.
When I go get my Mini Cooper worked on
at the BMW dealership in that service area,
they're like, do you want us to go home?
Heck no.
I take my laptop and place it down.
Do you know how many men go through the BMW service center?
And I'm just talking to all of them.
And some of them want nothing to do with me.
That's fine.
Some of them look like my grandfather,
but you know what?
Maybe they have a son that's perfect for me
or younger brother that's perfect for me.
Do you know how many, I would call,
remember the holiday, the movie, the holiday
and the old guy talks about the meet cute.
We are missing so many meet cute moments.
Like she talked to this old guy.
And like, because of that relationship
and her conversation with Miles,
she ends up meeting the guy of her dreams.
And it wasn't because she was like picking up a guy
at the bar.
And so that's my encouragement to you,
especially for those of you that want nothing to do
with online dating.
And you're just like, Renee, there's just.
So many scammers out there, I can't take it.
Fine, then don't do it.
But then your butt's gotta get out of your house.
Like I am now full-time working from home,
full-time college online.
You guys, look at the size of my condo, that's it.
I'm going stir crazy here.
So do you know what I'm doing now?
I am taking my laptop to, I alternate.
There's a coffee shop
and now we have this quaint little place.
It's like a distillery, but they serve coffee
up until 4 a.m., 4 a.m., 4 p.m.
So I literally, studying for my seminary
with my earbuds in, but I'm checking out everybody.
I look cute and I'm like, hey, hey, you know,
but like I'm getting my work done.
Like, so get yourself out in a world
where you're going to run into men.
And you guys, if you're in it,
if you're going to a hoity-toity gym, I get it.
I was girly, I'm a certified bar instructor.
I used to teach at a bar studio, love it.
It's all feminine and oils and candles, but no men.
Okay, and if you go to Lifetime,
places like Lifetime in the Y, they're all married.
So you know where all the single men are?
They're at Planet Fitness.
And I hate to say it, they're at 24 hour,
anytime fitness, those men are coming in and getting it done.
And so again, I've not met my boyfriend there,
but I'm telling you, I've had people like hook things
for me, lift things for me.
And, you know, I'm just trying to practice the art
of flirting and being feminine.
And so if you're like, but we haven't dated in 20 years,
this is why you need to do that.
So I kind of just wanted to get that out there.
And the other thing is, you guys, yes,
there are scammers out there and there's fakers out there.
I don't know why you're freaked out about it.
Like, you know, they're out there.
Like I'm telling you, they're out there.
And guess what?
If you move to a video date right away, nothing bad happens.
You just expose them.
And so you're like, but you don't understand,
I didn't want to get scammed.
You can't get scammed.
If you get on video dates quickly,
you don't vomit your personal life story.
And the other thing, especially, you know,
when it's somebody who's not just a scammer,
like a scammer is usually somebody who isn't
who they say they are,
and they're just trying to get your money.
There's also plenty of what I would call bad dudes
out there.
You know how you can tell who the bad dudes are?
The bad dudes ask you things like, what are you looking for?
What do you want in a guy?
And so you just start describing the perfect guy,
and then they're gonna morph into that guy.
Like you've just given them the playbook,
how to win you over.
And so when a guy asks you that,
like, it's kind of a weird question.
Like, I always try to dovetail away from that.
Well, what am I looking for?
You know what, I'm really looking for somebody
that I can have a lot of fun with,
that I can be real with,
and that who wants to keep growing with me.
I keep that super simple.
I don't say what color hair I like,
if I want him to be like,
I'm not gonna be like, well, Jackie told me
I want somebody who's mature, masculine,
and marriage-minded,
and a believer who can quote scripture.
Because, you know, and like, I don't do that
because I wanna make sure that the real guy shows up.
So you wanna kind of give that.
So you guys really, and like,
I'm also seeing people going like,
all right, I just matched up with this guy on Sunday,
and we talked for three days,
and now I haven't heard from him.
Is that love bombing?
No, it's just been three days.
Like, there's no love bombing in the first week.
Like, it's just like, if you're not talking for,
again, unless you are texting your whole life story,
and you've talked about everything,
or you've gotten on the phone,
and you've not done a video chat with him,
and you just talked for hours and hours and hours,
yes, then that can turn into love bombing.
But you're gonna be smart girls.
You're gonna do level one dating on text.
So that's it.
Level one dating is just keep it simple, the facts.
You can do level two,
what I would call video and in-person dating,
because at a video, there's a start and a stop.
You're together, you're looking at each other.
I would say that that's a video date,
but I don't say, would you like to book a video date?
I always say, would you like to book a quick video chat?
We can just hop on for like 30 minutes the first time.
You wanna have a start and a stop to it.
How you make sure you have a start and a stop to it
is you book something right afterwards.
So even if he's hot and amazing,
and you guys are like feeling all the things,
you're like, gosh, I really love talking to you,
but I've got this other thing I gotta go to.
I really hope we get to connect again.
I really enjoy talking to you.
This way, he knows you're interested, you'll like him,
and if you never hear from him again, it is okay.
Now, you guys, and I'm saying this
as somebody who's like living it out with you.
So like I had a video chat with a guy Saturday night.
I found out he's widowed less than a year.
He's like, lives right down the street from me.
So I'm like, oh, and like, I found out he's from Connecticut.
I'm from Connecticut.
His daughter's in a sorority.
my sorority, like, we were like, jellin. And then I found out his, he's only been widowed
less than a year. And all I said was, wow, like, so I'm like, so do you feel ready to
be dating? He's like, yes, you know, she was sick for three years, you know, and she wanted
me to, to move on. And I'm like, well, how do you feel like you got through that? Like,
you know, how was that for you? See, again, you guys, I didn't even try, but I slipped
right into that caretaking role without even thinking about it. And what I was really fishing
for was faith, right? Because he didn't say a lot about his faith up until now. And I
was fishing for, thank God for my church. Thank God for God. Like, you know, God really
got me through it. I didn't need, I didn't, I was really hoping he would just say, I was,
you know, I was, I had a real wrestle with God. Like I was really angry that he took
my wife, even that I could have handled, but I really wasn't catching any God thing in
there. So I finally just said, so I have to ask, do you have a faith? Like, did that
play a role at all in it? And I wasn't asking it from a therapeutic point of view. I was
really trying to fish. Is this man, how much of a believer is he? Cause he put Christian
in his profile, but I'm hearing nothing. Him and his wife traveled the world the last three
years, blah, blah. And then he made the comment that, um, yeah, we never had a fight in 23
years. So I'm not going to marry anybody unless she's as good as she was and never fights
with me. And I'm like thinking, okay, that's just cray. Like it's hard to compete with
the dead person. I mean, you know who you've immortalized and you've said you've never
have had a fight with in 23 years, which I call hogwash on that. And I just said, wow.
I said, I'm a lot of fun and I'm really compassionate, but I can't promise you that we're not going
to argue for the next 20 years. I don't know what to do with that. But you guys, we talked
and laughed for like over an hour and then his phone dies. Like, oh my gosh, my phone's
starting to die. And so I found a picture of my alpha gam sweatshirt. I sent it to him
because we met on Facebook dating. So I figured out who he was to send it to him. He's like,
oh my gosh, he texted me back and he wrote, oh my gosh, that's so cool. I can't wait to
show my daughter. She's going to think it's so cool. And then he wrote, gosh, you would
make a great therapist, kiss of death on the day. So as you know, if you've watched now,
I'm going to segue into the divine feminine. If you've watched the divine feminine, one
of the seven traits that Jackie talks about that women have is we are the nurturer. And
for those of us that are empaths, social workers, therapists, pastoral people, maybe just mothers,
we take nurturing little too far into caretaking and guys don't want a caretaker. And if they
do, he's really not healthy. So if you feel like you're still getting the, why are guys
only seeing me like this? Why do I feel like I'm turning into a therapist? Why do I feel
like I'm still too much for a guy? If you're still feeling like you're not attracting peer
level men, I'm going to encourage you to go back to the divine feminine video because
she really unpacked some really good traits in there of what our gifts are. And I would
say what they look like when they're either overused or used from an unhealed place. So
that's the beauty of that. If you are having a hard time with physical boundaries, sexual
boundaries, intellectual boundaries, and spiritual boundaries, and you keep picking the narcissist
guy, I'm going to encourage you to step back into the boundaries video. I really unpack
that. That is really going to help you because you're not going to attract that guy. Now,
you might meet a bunch of guys, and it's not that you're never going to not get somebody
with narcissistic traits, but if you're healthy, you're going to catch it really fast and you're
going to drop them like a hot potato. But if you're getting to three, four dates and
you're like, why am I dating the same guy? I really need you to go back to the boundary
one because it's an attraction that's an unhealthy, familiar attraction, and you're
still reeling that in. And so there's a part you could still be playing that's kind of
wooing that guy in and potentially pushing away somebody that's healthy. Because as Jackie
always reminds us, sometimes healthy can feel really boring. And I get it, you guys. Like
my emotions kind of go like this, and I'm a high risk taker. And I also just had another
video date with a guy from our community, really wonderful guy. If it doesn't work out,
I highly recommend him to me. I can already tell two phone calls in though, he's super
type B. And usually when a guy says to me, gosh, are you type A? That's also the kiss
of death. Especially if they admit that they're type B, he's like, yeah, I just like doing
my job and coming home and not thinking about it. So like there's nothing about his career
that is ambitious and that's okay. Like I don't care, me, but it's
Hard for guys who have no career or life ambitions
to be with somebody who has that kind of ambition.
So here I am at 55 going back for my seminary degree.
Like some people just don't even know what to do with that.
Like, Renee, you should be like going,
and you're thinking about going out into the world.
Like Jackie has always said,
the reason why Jackie and David do so well
is they're both entrepreneurial spirits.
You guys, they don't work a Monday through Friday
nine to five job.
Their marriage would never survive
if one of them was super type B,
Monday through Friday work eight to four
and then have the nights and the weekends free.
They're both kind of like fly
by the seat of their pants people.
And that's what makes it super exciting for them.
And so it's, you really have to know
and be looking for somebody in the same season of life
as you, and she talks about that a lot,
that it's less about age
and it's more about season of life.
So when you're matching up with people,
make sure that you are doing that.
Okay, that was a lot.
I just vomited on you.
The Lord told me to tell it to you.
I don't even remember it all,
but I feel like somebody needed to hear something with that.
So some quick housekeeping ideas.
So in this stage, there's, like I said,
there's the original love story.
So if you're just coming in, you're like, Renee,
I don't even know what you're talking about.
There's the welcome love story accelerator video
that Jackie does.
Then there's the dating 101, then the divine feminine,
then I carry you through online dating.
So all the questions you wanna know about that.
And then the next one is boundaries.
What we really want you guys to do a little bit more of
is after you watch those videos,
put your ahas, your wins, your questions,
even if you don't like something
or you wanna contradict it,
put it in the chat, like after you do it,
to get feedback either from the coaches or the team.
Like you guys, I just watched the divine feminine.
If anybody else watched it,
I'm really struggling with peace.
Like she mentioned peace.
What do you guys think about that?
And so that is a real good opportunity
for Bethany and Carla to make sure
that they're really coaching you in this.
And so we wanna hear from you.
When you watch the content,
share what you've learned from the content,
share where your doubts are,
share where you're so confused.
That's what the coaches are there for.
If you go on dates, we wanna hear about them,
good, bad, and ugly.
I'm really proud of the brave people
who share, and here's the thing, you guys,
when other people share about a date
and you're like, oh my gosh, he's such a scammer,
you're being such an idiot,
or oh my gosh, what are you doing, girl?
Please watch how you reply in the comments to people
because sometimes when you're in the thick of it,
you don't see the forest through the trees
and it's not till you see someone else's story,
you're like, oh my gosh,
I can't believe she believed that
or I can't believe she's doing that.
But you could be just as guilty
of having your own blind spot.
So just make sure when you are commenting on people's posts
that you just are super kind and super gracious
because we want all of you to feel like
you can share the good, bad, and ugly with us.
So here's the thing.
There's the video content, which in of itself is amazing,
but the people who grow the most
and get the most out of this program,
they're people who show up here,
they're people who engage,
they're people who tell us what's going on,
and even if you meet a great guy,
you're not letting us walk you through that.
We have walked people through cancer.
We have walked people through losing their mother,
their father, their children.
We've walked with people through losing their job,
getting a job.
Like you guys, we are here to pray for you
and be with you and be in community.
One of the biggest complaints that most women have,
especially when they're single over the age of 30,
is that they feel like they have no similar community
who get them.
Like my church,
they don't do enough for single people my age
and all my married friends don't get it.
We get it.
We're all here and we get it.
So don't throw away this gift of this incredible community.
Stay engaged.
Okay.
And again, don't rush, don't rush, don't rush.
Like we get people like, I'm ready for phase three.
And we're like, you've been in phase two for a week.
Like, and I get it.
They're short videos.
They're easy to just fly through,
but here's what we want you to do.
We want you to watch Dating 101
and practice that for a week.
Practice it.
We want you to watch the Divine Feminine and practice that.
See what God calls up and asks you to rise up.
How could I be more feminine?
How could I sit in that pocket a little bit more?
Watch the online dating one.
And even if you're never gonna do online dating,
there's some really good nuggets in there
about dating in general.
How can I flirt more at the store?
How can I be friendly over here?
And then the boundaries one,
even if you're not dating,
the boundaries one is great content.
Even if you're just dealing with your family.
You guys, I started,
I've been teaching on boundaries for over 20 years.
Yes, I started with Townsend Cloud,
just like everybody else,
but I've gotten through.
three different levels of certification.
And all of it is more and more boundary work.
So I'm just sharing with you guys,
everything that I've paid a lot of money to learn
and practice out.
So, okay, so Laura, I'm gonna pick on you
for just a little bit, in just a moment,
cause you're honest and brave.
So let me just finish making sure I've covered everything.
Because maybe in your questions,
we're gonna start to unpack that.
So if you've not trying to date, you guys,
and here's the thing.
This is why I do want you to,
if you have not been on dates in a very, very long time,
I really need you, God forgive me for saying this.
I need you to like, go be nice to all the sweet,
do we be nerdy, ugly guys
that you would normally not say yes to online
and just practice with them.
Just get to know them, learn how to flirt,
practice a video date, go on a first date.
You're like, well, I don't want them to have to pay
for dinner if I don't really like them, then don't.
Like me, like I've got this cute little town,
meet at the coffee shop and go for a walk,
buy your own dang coffee, I don't care.
Like you don't need the date to be expensive,
it can be free.
The weather is starting to get better.
Go walk through the mall, go do an art crawl.
Like there's so much you can find to do.
And you guys, if he is a do we be ugly dude
and you just gave him a fun Friday night,
even if you never see him again,
you gave him a fun Friday night
and you're a fabulous person.
So there was nothing lost.
Well, like, I don't wanna waste his time.
If he got to know you,
because you're an amazing woman of God,
it was not a waste of time for him, right?
Like you could have blessed him
even if you don't fall in love with him.
So I wanna make sure for those of you who are like,
I don't know, I'm not getting anywhere.
I suspect it's cause you're swiping, swiping, swiping.
I get it.
Like, I mean, there are times if I'm not in the mood,
I'm like, no, I don't even read anything.
We aren't gonna do that.
Okay.
I'm gonna pause cause it's at the bottom of the hour.
So Laura, I'm gonna put you in the hot seat
cause we love you girl.
And it's a small crowd here.
We're all cheering you on.
We're your sisters.
No one's gonna shame you.
It's not even on Facebook live right now.
So like the only people seeing it are the 12 of you
and whoever watches it.
So Laura, tell me when you say I have tried,
I haven't gotten anywhere.
So tell me what you have tried.
Well, I was, I'm talking to somebody on Facebook dating
and we've been talking for about a week.
We started talking last week.
So I'd say about a week and a half.
And I mean, I think we're having good conversations.
And I asked him if he wanted to do a video chat
last or this past weekend.
And he said that he was fine with it,
but he said he looked gross and I'm like, okay.
So I said, it doesn't have to be today.
It could be tomorrow after,
I didn't say after I get home from church
because I haven't even mentioned church at all to him.
And I don't know what his belief system is.
So yeah, I said, I'll be home after three o'clock
if you wanna try then.
And didn't hear anything, didn't hear anything, no response.
And so I just figured he didn't want to.
So I will say this, has he gone AWOL now?
No, I mean, he sent me a compliment
or he posted a compliment on my Facebook
or on the dating app.
So I thanked him for the compliment.
And then we started talking again
and we were asking each other different random questions.
So would you say you're staying at level one questions
or would you say you're starting to tweak into level two?
I guess level one, like what kinds of food do you like?
Super easy step, super easy step.
And I noticed he liked to play video games.
So I said, what video games do you like to play
and this and that and the other stuff.
And I mean, I've talked about my family a little
but not too much, like my, you know, not a lot.
And I said, what's your favorite holiday?
And I said, you know, he said, Thanksgiving.
And I said, he said, what about you?
And I said, Easter.
But I didn't.
didn't say why. I just said Easter.
Don't be afraid, Laura, don't hide your faith. Like there is
I'm just gonna pause you for a second, you guys. I'm not asking
you get super spiritual with them. But I also don't think you
should hide who you are. I think if it's Sunday, and you came
home from church, you can say someone says to me, Oh, what did
you do today? Well, I just got home back home from church. I am
not ashamed of that. And I think it is okay. Now here's the
thing. You don't have to say, Did you go to church today?
Don't have to say it. I toss it out there. And I see if it
lands and I see how it lands. Do you know I'm saying so I actually
think, you know, it is okay to say I went to church today. So
I'm going to say it's okay to share about your faith a little
bit like, you know, oh, well, what are the things that are
really important to you, Laura, like, you know, where we know
what kind of activities do you do? You know what, I like to
hike. I like to go to local theater. You know, I'm really
involved at my church. I like to walk my dog like you just
list it as one of the things that that you do. So you know,
I'm saying that's different than saying I grew up Catholic. And
this is how I feel about faith. Like I'm not asking you to start
divulging your faith story. But I think it is okay in those
texting conversations for it. And I've seen some women go,
well, like I let them know right away, I'm not gonna have sex
before marriage. And like, I'm a believer in Jesus, that's too
much information for texting, I guess too much, like, it's not
appropriate. And so a, I think you should not hide. And so this
is for anybody, you should not hide your faith. I think it's
okay to not go forward with it. But I don't want you to hide it.
The other thing is, we have to be willing for the conversation
to stop. So that has happened to me, Laura, when a guy said to
me, well, here's my number, can't we just talk? I don't like
the way I look. And I wrote, well, at some point, I here's my
answer. Well, I'm not texting you for the heck of it. I
actually am looking to date in real life, which means sooner
or later, we're gonna see each other. And so you want a mat
mature, masculine man who is okay with himself, and he's
willing to let you see him. So I would say that's a big yellow
flag, that he's not willing to let you see him. He could
either be not who he says he is, or he could literally just be an
insecure man, or 10 years older than the photo you're seeing, or
100 pounds heavier than the photo you're seeing. It doesn't
matter. Jackie always warns us it never serves us well, when we
go out with somebody with very low self esteem. So for whatever
the reason, so Laura, what you need to do so and this isn't
about you. So when you say, I'm not getting anywhere, this is a
him issue. It's not a you issue. You just say, Hey, Larry, I'm
just making up a name. Hey, Larry, you know what, let me be
clear. If I haven't been clear. I am doing this because I want
to meet men in real life and date them in real life, which
means sooner or later, we're going to have to do video chat
or see each other in person for coffee. If you're not open to
that. I'm not sure what we're doing here because I don't want
to keep texting to you for the next few weeks. Because Oh,
sorry. No, no, no, go ahead. How do you feel about doing
something like that? Does that feel too big for you?
I mean, I asked on Facebook what I should do, because I didn't
hear back and Bethany suggested not to ask him again, let him
ask, ask, ask for a video date. So I haven't really asked him if
he wants to do a video date. And last night, we were talking,
chatting back and forth. And he asked me a question. I wasn't. I
was like, what?
Did he ask you?
He was like, if you could do anything with me for 24 hours,
what would it be? And I'm just like, I don't know, just hang
out. Like, I don't know. And I said, I'm just trying to take
this thing slow and meet people. And you know, that kind of
thing. And he said that, you know, that's not a bad thing.
And I messaged him today, asking him, hi, said, Hi, how are you?
No response.
Yeah, so it see. I appreciate that. That's what Bethany said.
And I understand what she's trying to say. She's trying to
say, we don't want to be the pushy ones. And I guess here's
the difference. I'm not saying you should ask for the video
date again. I'm actually just saying I would take a stand.
Because I actually think most of us can't keep carrying on a text conversation
Without it getting too intimate at some point. You're gonna run out of things to say and
Lo and behold what a schmo decide to do he wants to he wanted a sexual answer out of you
No guy asked that question. He like what am I? What would you do with me for 24 hours?
and okay, so my recommendation on this guy I
Would not reach out to him
I would let him do all the reaching out
But I really want you to lean and again because you've not shared your faith with him
And you don't know if he has any faith at all
You don't know if he's a good guy
Like does he have a job?
Yeah, what's he do?
It says on his profile he works at a factory has he talked about his job at all no
Okay, but I thought
It would be fine or not fine, but I thought since he knows somebody that I know
Should I ask that person that he claims to know about
No
No, I honestly
My advice
Somebody who's had to be out there a really long time. I mean, here's the thing
I'm not I totally understand what Bethany is trying to say. She's trying to say don't force the video date
I get that but for me for me
I'm only gonna text so long, but if the texting is just BS
What's your favorite color? Do you like fish? Do you like chicken? I got time for that like
Because I'm also a strong well and maybe because you're sweeter than me. You seem way sweeter than me
And so Bethany's probably gonna say a sweet guy is gonna be a best the best guy for Laura
Like I'm a bull in a china shop, right and so like if
That wouldn't like I would but I would just barrel over him
So and again see look I'm working on my divine feminine bring it down a notch
So it probably works for you. I would let him do all the leading now. Don't ask him questions
Don't start the day reaching out to him. See what he does. Remember how Jackie talks about it's okay for us to drop the hanky
But then we have to see what they do with it. You have to see what he does with this
I kind of feel like that's an inappropriate question because
It's a weird question to ask somebody. What would you do with me for 24 hours?
Because 24 hours you guys includes bedtime
Yeah
That's what I've thought. I'm like so it's a me
He's it's a very leading question and you probably gave a very sweet innocent answer and that kind of bummed him out
So Laura no matter what you're gonna keep talking to other men
I'm not earned solo status. So you're gonna talk to other men. I'm crying
Yeah, so we're gonna be doing it in person
Everywhere you go. You're gonna start smiling and saying hi and next week when you come back
You're gonna tell us about some random stranger that you let hold the door open for you or you said
Thank you to or he reached for the bag of flour for you
so that's your homework assignment is you're gonna get a
Gentleman to either open the door for you or reach for something for you because you smiled girl. You're so sweet. You're beautiful
so just be super friendly and
So especially if the online dating things not getting you anywhere and you're in a lull
Then put your energy into in-person stuff
That's my that's my challenge to you
Okay, who else wants to go who else wants to come in the hot seat who is ready for me in the hot seat?
I see Heather Maria Joanna. All right
Parrish you got your camera on to who wants to go next?
She's like heck no man after that I'm not going I
Mean I can't go but I haven't been in on a day
How long have you been in how long have you been in phase to catch me up?
This is first week first week. Have you watched any of the videos yet?
I watched the online dating and I started watching the divine feminine good
Yeah, do you have any questions for me after watching those two?
Anything jump out at you
No, one thing that I comment, you know on Facebook and Bethany gave back to me
It's about you know, sometimes I am you know like dating, right?
But most of the guys that kind of put me like check like I don't like them
And the one that I like then they don't they don't say nothing
So you heard what I just said before if you've not been dating
How long has it been since you were dating on the dating scene? Has it been a while?
Yeah, like nine years. Okay, so it's been nine years
Here's girl, so you need to practice.
So all those men you are swiping left on
because they're not cute and they seem a little weird,
you're gonna let a few of them, if they have a nice bio,
they seem like, you know, you guys, here's the thing.
If he looks like a normal guy, you know,
maybe he looks like it's a little bit of a mug shot
in one shot, or like he's in his car
because he's got no friends to take the photo.
And, or he even does the dreaded one in the bathroom,
but he's got a nice suit on, you know,
and he's not showing the toilet.
You're gonna give that guy a chance
so you can practice what we just talked about.
Because you don't care, right?
You don't care.
And you're gonna be nice to a guy
who normally is getting swiped left on all day.
So he's gonna feel grateful that he got to meet you
and chat with you.
You're not offering to marry him,
so you don't owe him anything.
So that's what you're gonna do in the next couple of weeks.
You're gonna give the dweeby dude a shot
so you can practice in dating,
cause it's been nine years.
And so you gotta get some practice on
because we wanna make sure you feel comfortable
in your skin so that when the hot guy,
or the guy you really like, reaches out to you,
you're gonna be ready.
You're not gonna ruin it.
All right.
Yeah, okay.
You bet.
Thank you.
You bet.
So, yeah.
So thank you for all of this so far this evening.
It's been very helpful.
I had an opportunity to be on the afternoon session.
And so I had two dates last weekend.
So you had Jackie and me all in one day.
That's awesome.
I know, I'm taking full advantage.
So I asked my question about,
so this afternoon the question was about
the one gentleman that I went on a date with.
And she answered that question.
And that had to do with how much to ask him about his faith
because he hadn't been very open.
So you've confirmed that again tonight.
So my question is the other-
Did she say like a little bit,
you can kind of dance around it, but not like go...
Yeah, she did.
It's funny.
I have my notes right in front of me.
What did she say?
I'm curious.
She's just basically saying, you know,
to share that, you know, hey, this is something that,
I mean, I grew up in the faith.
This is very important to me.
It's, you know, it's integral to who I am.
I'm just wondering, you know,
I know that I want to share my faith with someone
in a relationship.
Is that, you know, what are your, you know,
what do you think about that?
See, I think the older we get ladies,
I think it's okay to say that.
Now that's different than like, hey,
I have a faith and it's important to me.
That's really different than going,
I need to make sure that you've been baptized.
You've done the dunk.
You've been baptized in the Holy Spirit.
I'm gonna check for your church attendance.
Are you active in your church?
What church do you go to?
Those are much more specific in the practice.
You're just trying to get this first level,
which is what I was trying to do with the widowed guy.
And clearly, and he finally admitted
that he goes to a church, but I'm thinking, no.
And so, and especially for some of you,
depending on if you're not as far along
in your faith journey,
you might not ask that right up front
like Heather would or I would.
But I love how she said that,
because you're just letting them know
that it's really important to you.
That would be no different than a guy says to me,
and guys put this on their page all the time.
Working out is really important to me.
He wants a girl.
He didn't say he wanted a skinny girl.
He said he wanted a girl
who's gonna go to the gym with him
and who's gonna value eating healthy and working out.
So to me, you saying what you did about the faith
is no different than saying,
and I would say, like, look,
I've been really working on my nutrition
and I work out very seriously, four days a week.
And so I'm gonna wanna make sure
that that's important for somebody that I'm partnering with
who's gonna be able to share in that
and kind of encourage me along.
And it sounds like, perfect.
So you had another date since this afternoon.
Is that what we're saying?
No, there's two different guys.
And so I had the date,
with the first gentleman,
and I did post about this in the Facebook group,
but he is someone very different that I normally,
he's widowed, he was married for 33 years.
She passed away in 2021 and he's not my usual.
So I said, yes, and I keep saying, yes.
He's asked me out to a concert on Friday
and he's very nice.
He's very sweet.
That's just the area that I haven't gotten
a really clear piece on.
And so that's him.
The question I have for you has to do
with a little bit more of a long distance relationship.
And after last week's coaching, I decided to give it a try.
with the second guy that I had the date with
over the weekend, and he's only three hours away,
which, I mean, that's still a chunk, right,
if you're trying to get to know someone.
But that date went really well.
We, you know, we met for a town in between
and had a walk in a very public park,
but just the conversation flowed.
He's very clearly, he shares my values
and is a strong Christian.
And so I've been, I've done a lot of hard work.
I know I can see where I've gone in the back,
you know, gone wrong in the past.
And I love the, you know, I'm God defended,
that I know, you know, it's gonna,
things are gonna show up.
And so I guess my question is,
any advice or suggestions that you have?
The way we left it is he did say he wants to see me again.
We both mentioned that we have time Thursday evening.
He has upped his game from texting before the date
to texting after the date.
And so, I mean, it seems to be going in the right direction,
but obviously, I think what I'm asking for validation on
is it seems to me at this point,
and I think this is what I've heard in the teachings,
right, is we can do a fair amount of dropping the hanky
ahead of the first date, but after,
and especially for long distance, right,
after that, they have to,
and Jackie said that, I think, earlier.
Yeah, it's true, they need to start taking the lead.
They need to start taking the lead.
And that's, and you're looking for consistency
in long distance.
And so the goal would be,
so you've done one video date and one live date?
Yeah.
Yeah. Perfect.
And so your goal would be that you'd be seeing him
at least once a week.
That would be your goal.
And it may not always be able,
because it's three hours, and so it's enough distance
that you could have a busy week,
and I would argue your goal would be at least one in person
every other week, and then a video date.
And then make sure it's like a fun video date,
and say like, hey, we can't make the schedule work
this week, why don't we do like categories?
Why don't we do like, let's cook a meal together?
Like literally make it a date.
Like I just coached a girl in the program.
Y'all, she's about, she's just gotten to level three
with this guy, like exclusive,
and she's about to go to Kuwait for 13 months.
And her and I came up with a whole week's pattern
of different things that they do.
Like on Mondays, they're gonna go walking together.
On Tuesdays, they're gonna cook dinner together.
On Wednesdays, they're gonna play a game together.
Because I said, if you're gonna be video dating
five nights a week for the next 13 months,
it's gonna be really hard.
So mix it up.
And so that's my encouragement to you.
And this is my encouragement to anybody
with long distance dating,
is when they can't get to you, make it a date.
Like just say, hey, let's do Friday night six to eight.
You dress up, I dress up, and you treat it like a date
and not like pillow talk in the bedroom
and you're in your T-shirt, you know, kind of thing.
Cause it can get too much there.
But always let him know, Heather, after every date,
how much you loved it and you wanna see him again.
And you guys, it's embarrassing, it's hard to do it.
You're like, I don't want to,
what if he doesn't wanna see me again?
Fine, it's awkward for the moment,
but you'll never worry that you weren't clear.
And it is so much better to leave a date.
So I always say to a guy at the end of the day,
if I wanna see him again, oh my gosh,
I had such a great time.
Like the guy, the widowed guy, I said it.
Like, oh my gosh, I love talking to you.
I'd love to see you again.
And I hear from him, you know what?
It's okay.
Like, did it bum me out?
It bummed me out.
But at least I'm not sitting here wondering,
well, maybe I should have, maybe I should text him now.
Maybe I should message him.
No, in the moment, you're gonna say,
I had a great time, I'd love to see you again.
Now, if you don't wanna see him again, or you're not sure,
you just say, I had a lovely time, thank you so much.
And then you turn and walk away.
If you know, and then you can decide
if they ask you out right on that second date.
But the fact that he's already booked
another date with you is great.
So you're always gonna be encouraging.
Cause somebody asked that question,
I don't know if it was in phase two or phase three
about reciprocating.
And so that's, in my way, that's reciprocating.
Like you're saying, thank you so much.
I really appreciate you driving to come get me.
Or, but, so that's my advice to you
with long distance dating.
Try to at least have intentional time once a week with them.
If you start to spread it out longer than that,
and you start just texting, it's gonna either,
it's gonna fizzle out.
It just, cause it's hard.
But three hours is, and I would also encourage you,
like, did you guys meet halfway this first time?
We did.
Yeah.
I also made it clear, it was almost like
some other voice came into my head when I said to him,
and just so you know where I'm at,
three hours is too far for anything
other than very serious commitment.
I mean, it was, and I know,
and I think that's the tricky part, right,
is that I've been hearing,
you have to accelerate a little bit
when you are only seeing each other.
And here's the thing, you guys,
the word that you guys can use is intentional.
That's a really safe word to use
because I only want a serious marriage-minded man
or something like that.
If we say serious or committed,
that might be too much too soon.
But if you just say, look,
I know long distance is a pain,
and usually for it to work,
both people have to be in it to win it.
That's the phrase that Jackie uses, in it to win it,
which means we're gonna have to be intentional
about booking time to see each other regularly
if we think this is gonna go anywhere.
Or for at least for us to give it a real shot.
If that's something you're willing to invest in,
I am, until we know better.
And we may decide no at some point,
but that's really the only way we're gonna do this
is if we make intentional face-to-face time.
Sometimes it's gonna be in person,
sometimes it's gonna be,
now when you meet on Thursday,
are you guys gonna meet live or on video?
So we've talked about, and he hasn't confirmed yet,
and I am waiting for him to do the confirmation, right?
But what we've talked about is to meet halfway again.
Because it was actually,
we both felt it was a pretty easy drive, so.
Perfect.
I would argue by your third date,
you want him to come to you.
All the way, yeah.
And you can just say, look, you know what,
by our third date, I would love for you to come all the way
to see me in my hometown, and just say, like, if you,
and then that's where it could be like a Saturday date
where he leaves at nine in the morning.
You book a lunch date, a picnic, a fun activity,
and you can just say, look,
you may need to get back on the road by six o'clock,
so you're home by nine.
I totally understand that.
So then you kind of, it's,
and I kind of feel like if it's your hometown,
it's your job to kind of book the activities.
He can help pay for it,
but I feel like it's hard to put them on the hook
for what to do in your town
when they've never been to your town.
It's like, and so if you can just say, hey,
this way can be, it is kind of an all-day commitment.
And you can just say, look,
we can plan this for three hours,
and if we're having a great time, we can do this,
or if you feel like you need to get back, that's okay too.
So this way he doesn't feel like he's on the hook
for a six-hour date, but the option's out there.
So it's okay if Thursday turns into a video date,
because it is Thursday, it's the middle of the week,
but I wouldn't let that happen twice in a row.
Okay, thank you.
Awesome.
I'm just looking at what's in the chat here.
I talked to, all right.
Anybody else, they've just started, they're freaked out,
they did Dating 101, they did Divine Feminine,
and again, you guys, boundaries.
If you've seen the boundaries video,
and I'm putting that out there,
if you have issues with family, friends, or coworkers
in the boundary video,
the boundary video is not just for dating.
Feel free to bring that stuff here,
and we can unpack that with you.
Who else wants to go?
We're almost at the top of the hour,
and I will keep you on if there's good questions,
but I'm not gonna force you to stay on
just for us to drag the night out.
Who else would like to share or ask a question?
Maria, are you coming on so I can see you?
Oh, but Parrish, did you wanna ask something?
Well, I just wanted to share that I listen
to online dating, but I've never done the Facebook dating,
so I need to try that.
I need to go back and listen to how you did that,
because I think you show it.
I think I showed mine, yeah.
Facebook dating is a really easy one to start with,
because it's free, and if you're already on Facebook,
you just have to look two over for the heart,
and it takes like 10 seconds to fill out a profile
for the Facebook.
You can only do the Facebook dating from your phone,
I think.
It might work from an iPad,
but it's not from the computer,
so it's only the mobile version of it.
And what I like about it is you can see
if you have mutual friends,
but they can't see your profile.
And just know with Facebook dating,
it's like feast or famine.
You're gonna see a lot of something,
or it's just gonna go for a bit.
It's okay, but it's a super easy one to start with.
Do you have a question?
Are you excited?
Are you nervous?
I just wanted to share,
and I'm a real caregiver, nurturer, all the things.
So that-
So you were really resonating
what I was saying at the beginning.
So that gets me in so much trouble.
And then in online dating, I always find...
I always find the people, you know, and in the neighborhood, I take care of the puppies
and the kittens, and I just feel like that's who I find on Facebook dating, so.
Have you watched The Divine Feminine yet?
Yes, I did, so I guess I just need to go back and watch it, but yes, I feel like as you're
talking, I just feel this, I just, I don't know, the Lord needs to help me.
I don't know where to go with this, because I.
I will say, so the advice, Parrish, I give people, which apparently I'm still a victim
of it, because I had a dude tell me I should be a therapist, so I was like, okay, crap.
All I did was ask three, and sometimes it's just in our genealogy, right?
Like I literally only ask three questions connected to that, like at all, like I would
argue really range it in, but it still comes out.
So for people like you and I who just get into that personality, we can't even help
ourselves.
We have to pick fun dates fast.
We are not, we cannot be left alone with them for too long, and we're just going to be,
it's like we can get the stranger to tell us their life story on the side of the street,
and so you're going to have to go pay putt-putt, ax throwing, an escape game, like an obstacle
course, like you're going to have to pick dates that are fun, so you can't.
Okay, great, that would be so helpful, I've never even, okay, thank you.
Yeah, go to a flea market, go to an art crawl, like go to an antique show, any place that's
going to put you in public, walking around with him, so it's just, you just, you're going
to be less likely.
So that's why for you and I, we don't even want to hike with them, because that's just
like therapy walking, I mean, it's just, it's going to come out even more.
Okay.
Yeah, unless you're going to go hiking with a specific need to like, we both like to look
for birds, we're going to go take photos of birds, like, I don't know, I'm just making
that up.
So that's for my caregivers out there, if you can't help yourself, pick fun, silly dates
to go do.
Maria?
So I'm just a few days into phase two.
And I'm feeling, I don't know that I'm feeling overwhelmed, I think I'm just like trying
to figure out like, what is going on?
Like what I'm supposed to be doing?
And how to jump into perfect phase.
Perfect.
So let me help you out.
So have you watched the very first welcome love story accelerator video?
Yes.
And the dating 101.
Okay, perfect.
Okay.
So all this month you're doing is, it's kind of like what I said at the very front end,
you kind of do the dating 101 and go like, okay, and I feel like if you're not ready
to like, do any online dating yet, you're like, how can I think about the way I talk
to people?
Maybe start to like, so spend a week going, how do I relate to people?
Am I really good at having good conversations with people?
Kind of assess your friendships.
Or do I attach really quickly and start to overshare really quickly?
So in this dating 101 video, take a step back and look at how you build all your relationships,
family, friends, church.
Do you tend to like overshare too quickly?
Do you tend to take too long to relate to people?
Are you kind of nervous?
So kind of just notice your patterns, so to speak.
Now, as soon as you've clicked on the dating 101, it should open up and you should be able
to see the next one.
The next one is divine feminine.
And here's what I love you guys, dating 101, divine feminine and boundaries are all videos
that can apply to your entire life and not just your dating life.
And so when you watch the divine feminine one, you can watch and go, okay, Holy Spirit,
you know, this week, help me show up more feminine in everything that I do.
When I go to the grocery store, when I go to the church, where am I kind of being in
the masculine?
When do I reject a man helping like pay attention to, like you guys, I walked into the gym today
and I almost grabbed the door for the guy.
He was right behind me.
He goes, please let me get that.
And I'm like, yes, thank you.
And I stepped aside for him to get in front of me to open the door.
Cause I'm so in my head not to be feminine.
And so I would say when you get to that video practice for a few days, then when you get
to the online dating video, practice that, put maybe put your Facebook profile up and
kind of like what I said to Joanne, if you've not been on dates in a million years, you
maybe you only pick hinge.
You only pick like right now I'm only on Facebook dating and hinge.
and they're both free and that paying for either one of them.
I'm just not, I started seminary two weeks ago.
My, I'm kind of taking like a, not backseating the dating thing,
but I'm like, and so dabble in the dating thing and then starting to do it.
And then the last video is in boundary.
So you basically have the next month to watch those videos as fast as you want
or not,
but really take the next few weeks to kind of unpack them and see how it can
help shape you in all of the areas of your life.
Share your ahas in the Facebook feed. Come here.
Usually I'm Maria every week, you know,
based on what you guys are saying in the roll call is what I talk about.
So you're like, how did Renee even know what to talk about tonight? Well,
I got notes from Bethany cause she summarized everything that you guys have been
putting in the Facebook feed.
And so we want to make sure the most common topics are coming up,
that people are still kind of having like, I'm confused here.
I don't know about this or this isn't feeling good. Then we're like, okay,
then we need to talk about that a little bit more.
So every weekly check-in is us kind of unpacking.
And so all of you are in here at different stages, but the beauty is Maria,
hopefully I just gave you lots of good nuggets. You're like, man,
I'm so glad I knew that now before I even put my profile together or before I
even think about going on a date.
So you get to camp out in phase two for about three or four weeks as you feel
comfortable, as you're getting your sea legs back on to date differently.
Remember you guys, you don't want to go back to dating the old way.
You don't want to go back to only talking to the guys that you used to be
attracted to. You're trying to do it differently.
And you're trying to do all of your relationships differently.
So does that help a little bit, Maria?
Yeah, I have two more questions. Um,
how do we know when we, what's the indicator to go to phase three?
Is it when you finish all the videos?
When you watch the boundary video. So this is a great question, Maria.
So thank you for asking.
It's almost the same thing that happened in the heart work.
So the system is set up when you finish the last video,
the fourth video, it's going to get it. It's going to, it should,
if you guys agree to get our emails,
which is why I put that post in the feature to make sure you get our emails,
you're going to get an email that says you're done with phase two.
All it means is you're done watching the videos.
Right. And it's going to say, you can go to phase three.
Now I will tell you,
if you binge all four videos in one week and you go to the Facebook
page for phase three, and you try to join,
Bethany's going to look at how long you hung out in phase two.
And if it's less than three weeks, she's going to say,
hang back for a couple more weeks, stay in that group,
get those weekly check-ins because you guys,
we don't have weekly check-ins in phase three. We have, um,
we do have events, live events, but we don't have these check-ins.
And so, especially when you're getting your sea legs on,
we want you to take advantage of these weekly check-ins because they're special.
And you know, you're in a room right now with 20 people.
When you go to phase three, you're going to be in sessions with a hundred people.
So you're not going to get as much attention so to speak.
So that's kind of how it happens when you hit the fourth video and email should
trigger and say, you're ready for phase three.
But if you go to the Facebook page, Bethany might go not yet.
And so you kind of camp back out here. So say you watched all four videos,
Maria, it tells you, you can go on.
Bethany tells you stay here for a few more weeks.
So you can stay here for a few more weeks.
Then when you're ready to go to phase three, you can,
you can even put it in the, um, since you don't, if you don't,
if you didn't save the email with the link anymore,
you literally put in last year, single phase three in the search bar,
and you'll find it.
And you're going to have to just answer those questions to join that page.
Phase three, doesn't use the portal the same way you guys have been used to
most everything right now in phase three is live and in the Facebook group.
So I would say, get comfortable on Facebook. We are moving over to an app.
I don't know how quickly that's going to happen. It's going to, I'm,
I'm always cautious when I promise how quickly data gets converted into app.
It's never a perfect transition.
So I would say be comfortable on Facebook for a couple more months. Um,
but we will soon be off of, um,
hopefully off of Facebook for all of our stuff. And, um,
we'll be working just with all everything, all within the map, um, the app,
the community and the content. So, but that's a great question, Maria.
So hopefully hang out here for a few weeks, as long as you feel comfortable. Um,
if you don't get that email after you watch the fourth video and you're ready to
go and you don't get that email,
please send the email to admin at Jackie doorman.com.
And we're going to help make sure that your emails are turned on and then get
you over into the Facebook page. So that's the other thing is if you're ever.
confused, where do I go? Where is something? Email us at admin at JackieDorman.com. Cheryl
and I and Reagan are checking those emails seven days a week. Give us grace on Sundays.
That's all I'm going to say. Awesome. One more. You had one more. Yeah. So this one,
I'm kind of considering the different things that I've heard so far. I'm wondering how
like, if there's any, if you have any input on my career being a therapist, and I've had
instances in the past when I did online dating, that I've had guys kind of comment, like,
it seemed like they were drawn to me in some kind of weird way because my profession was a therapist.
And so, so don't like not have that. Yeah. So here's what I had to start doing. I started to
get more vague about what my job was. You can just say social services, or you could put
education. Like you can be more vague in your job title. Like I learned putting, when I was
running a nonprofit, I learned putting president and CEO of a nonprofit was like the kiss of death.
And so like, you know, and then I just used to say director at a nonprofit. Like that's all I
used to say director of nonprofit. So some people just put healthcare,
some people just put healthcare and healthcare could be anybody from a therapist, social worker
to a doctor or a nurse. So you might just want to put healthcare because it is, it's a form of
mental healthcare. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good idea. Yeah. And then also, I mean, I have my own
business and I would like for them to not just go Google me and find all my business information.
Yeah. I leave that because I have a whole website and everything. And I was, you know,
if like for my town, that's why I was super vague. I was really vague because I knew, and trust me,
a few would like they, it didn't take much for them to, if you Googled my name and my city,
you'd find me pretty dang fast. And so I would just be, just be as vague as you can on some
things. And don't, you don't have to mention everything you guys don't, you don't have to
disclose that you're an author that you're like, whatever. And all your accolades, like,
you're not trying to get a job. You're just trying to get a date. So be lean in that stuff.
And yeah, you got this Maria, you're going to be fabulous. And I can't wait to talk to you next
week after something else has come up. Okay. Another Maria, we have another Maria.
You're on mute still though, make sure you come off of mute.
Yeah. Hi. I really hate online dating, so I'm not doing that. I actually am a leader in a meetup
group. It's a Christian singles meetup group. And so I've actually been really apathetic the last
couple of months. So I haven't like watched like any of these like videos that I need to watch.
And I actually went out on Saturday to one of our meetup events to support like one of our
other leaders. And, and I actually ended up meeting a couple of guys at our meetup event.
Right. And, but they all know, like my name, they have like, they have access to my phone number.
They could look me up very easily. They could like, you know, so there's like no, you know,
anonymity there. So there was one very nice guy that I was talking to. He sent me a message on
meetup saying something to the effect of, you know, I'm sorry, we couldn't talk more. And so I
wrote back and said, oh, you know, it was really nice meeting you. Here's my number. Let's keep
in touch. Right. And I haven't heard back from him. However, I heard from a friend of ours,
another leader in the meetup that he was talking to him and that he was very interested in,
you know, doing an event. And so he thought it would be a good idea for me to lead the event
with him. Right. Which I, which I thought was a little strange because we let like new people
lead events all the time. So I felt like my friend was trying to do a little matchmaking for
me. And I said, sure, but I haven't heard anything from this guy. And this was Saturday, right?
This is why you need to watch all the videos, Maria. So those videos are golden because Jackie
gives you guys lots of ways to what she calls drop the hanky. So do not be turd. I will tell you
this. Watch all four videos.
post because you will find so many tips and tricks in all of them, how to show up more
feminine, how to, how to date, how to know what kind of content I dare, I would dare
say at least 50% of what I even cover in the online dating applies to all dating.
It just, it's that again for the same thing, because here's the thing you got, you met
this guy to meet up, but he now has your phone number so you could still fall into the same
trap of this random texting thing and then not turning into a date.
So the same rules apply.
And so, um, so Jackie would tell you and what you could have done instead of just, here's
my number to call me, what you could have done is just, you could have in that moment
is a literal drop of the hanky.
It was so nice meeting you.
Um, I'd love to go out for coffee and get to know you better if you're ever up for that.
You could be, well, but he has your number.
Doesn't he have your number?
Cause you texted him.
Oh yeah.
No, no, no.
But should, I mean, should I have said the thing about coffee and not added my number
or.
Well, how did he, well, how did he reach out to you through an app?
Yeah.
Cause on meetup, there's like a message, the message board.
So he read up, mentioned board.
So you can be, it's like a direct message.
Is it?
Oh, and so it was private.
Right?
Yeah.
Um, you could have said, you know, no, what you could have just said.
Okay.
So it's a private direct message.
Oh my gosh.
It was really nice meeting you.
If you ever want to go out for coffee so we can get to know each other better, I'd, I'd
be totally up for it.
I would leave it at that.
And then if he says, gosh, I would really like that, um, then you can say, well, here's
my number.
Give me a call sometime.
And then you have to leave it be.
Okay.
So at that point, you've been clear because you're like the head of the meetup group and
you just said, oh, I would like it.
And you were kind of vague.
He may have not known if you were just being polite or not.
Well, I gave him my number.
I know, but like, it's not, I'm telling you men are stupid.
I mean, they're sweet.
They don't know.
They don't always know because I feel like he already initiated with you, but you still
don't know.
So you're on the same team again.
So at this point you could reach back out to him or you could let it ride and wait and
continue to do other things.
So I'm going to encourage you to watch other videos.
You're going to pick up some nuggets on how to do this.
So even if you run into him in person, you're going to feel a little bit more confident
on how to be divine feminine and flirt with him a little bit.
Okay.
And can I talk to you about the other guy that I met the night?
Okay.
There was this other guy that he was really big and scary looking and well, so much so
that someone from the meetup sat next to me and they were, they saw it because he was
like kind of staring at me and the guy said to me, he said, is he like a police officer
or something?
Cause I mean, cause he gives off like, you know, like state trooper vibes, you know what
I mean?
So
State troopers.
I know they have that vibe.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
So now I had introduced myself to like new people that hadn't been there before, cause
you know, I'm one of the leaders and I had told him about an event that I'm hosting at
this Christian retreat place.
And so I told him about it and you know, he ended up, he, he signed up and he sent me
a message about it, but you know, how do I move it past, you know, Oh great, you signed
up for my meetup like.
And you haven't watched any of the training videos yet.
So Maria girl, that's why you got to do it.
Here's the thing, you guys, what we're doing in the weekly check-in, like there is four
hours of solid content in those training videos.
So I can't use an entire check-in to teach all that stuff.
No, no, no.
But so just know that this is like where you take like the things, um, sometimes you just
have to be, I mean, sometimes you can just be direct, Hey, I'd love to, you know, like
you guys, like you'll, when you get to phase three, there's an event called single spotlight
and like five men are showcased and we ask a bunch of questions and women literally have
to drop a hanky by dropping a note in their DM saying, Hey, I saw you on the thing.
It sounds like we have a lot of things in common.
I'd like to get to know you better.
It sounds like, you know, I think we have a lot of things in common.
I'd like to get to know you better.
Would you be up for a video chat?
So in that case, I would go right to the video chat.
I wouldn't even say let's start texting, right?
You know what I mean?
just go right in for that.
Cause that's somebody that's a real person
that you've met through your meetup group.
And so I would go right in for that and just say,
hey, would you like to do a quick video chat?
I'd like to get to know you better.
And you guys, I just reached out to somebody
in our community two weeks ago.
I said, hey, I don't know a lot about,
I see you've joined our community.
I don't know a lot about you.
You probably know me more cause I lead a lot of stuff,
but I'd love to book a video chat and just get to know you.
Now we could have both decided in the get to know you
that we were both like, meh, you know,
but we wouldn't know.
Now he could have, and I've had people respond back saying,
you seem really great Renee, but thank you.
But no, thank you.
I wish you the best.
And does that hurt in the moment?
You're like, oh, but at least I tried, whatever.
And he didn't really get to know me that well.
Like he saw me, you know, like it's cause you see me
for an hour doesn't mean you know me,
but like, but on the off chance,
cause so that's what Jackie was saying.
We can initiate, but when, if you're going to initiate,
you have to be clear.
Like you don't want to waste your initiation
on a half clear wussy safe comment.
You know what I mean?
If you're going to drop the hanky, drop it.
Like, cause here's the thing,
the whole phrase drop the hanky, cause you know back,
like if you've ever watched Bridgerton,
when they dropped the hanky, it's a very specific move.
So when the guy saw the hanky dropped,
he knew when he picked it up, what she was doing.
So the whole idea with the hanky is if you're dropping it,
it needs to be clear what you're dropping.
Otherwise you just seem polite,
especially if you're the meetup group leader.
Like they're just not going to know
if you're just doing the spiel.
Right, yeah.
I wouldn't know, like, is he being nice to me?
Like the guy at the behind the desk at Planet Fitness,
he calls me Riz every time I walk out, but you know,
he works there, so I'm assuming he's got to do that.
I can't tell.
And especially cause you're in the position of power,
the position in power always needs to be more clear.
So like guy at the gym, it would be like,
he would need to be clear with me.
Otherwise I'm just hitting on the staff
and that's inappropriate.
You know, you're like the leader in the meetup group.
So like, and you can be really clear,
like, hey, I don't do this with everybody.
And if your answer's no, that is okay.
And please do not be afraid to keep coming here.
I'm a big girl.
Like you could even say it like that.
Like, hey, I'd love, you seemed great.
I'd love to get to know you better,
but you know, I want you to not feel afraid
to have an answer of no,
or if we meet up and it's not a thing.
Cause you know what?
I want you to feel safe to come here
and enjoy getting to know all of the other people here too.
Okay.
You just have to sound super confident
even if you don't feel it at all.
You have to fake it till you make it.
Okay.
Awesome.
Anybody else?
This was fun tonight.
I never, I'm never, you know,
I'm always excited by what comes up.
Well, hopefully ladies,
you all got something out of it tonight.
It's 20 after the hour.
So I feel like we have covered some good ground.
I'm gonna close this out in prayer.
Father God, I just thank you
for each and every single woman on here
who is watching this live and in replay.
I ask that you just bless them.
Father God, bless them with beautiful sleep tonight.
I want you to give them dreams and visions
of all that you have for them in the future.
And Father God, I ask for holy boldness this week
that you just let your daughters know
that you are seen this week.
So I want them to all be dazzled
and like ready to tell us next week
about some random stranger that talked to them
and made them feel like a million bucks.
So we just thank you and praise you in Jesus name.
Amen.
All right, ladies, go and have a great, great night.
It was so fun being with you tonight.
Thank you.