Okay. So we welcome to our weekly check-in. This is phase two, whether this is your first
session or your last session. My name is Renee Rizzo, been part of this community for a few
years and on the dating team. Bethany is kind of like your heartwork guru and I am your
dating guru and your boundaries girl. So I'm the one that you're going to talk to all about
boundaries. I've been teaching on boundaries for over 20 years and I started out with the
boundaries book, but I've just been adding all sorts of great content ever since. And
um, you know, when you've struggled in it, you learn how to do it. So I can tell you
how not to do boundaries as much as I can tell you how to do boundaries. And so just
some housekeeping items. Remember in phase two, here are, besides the welcome video,
the love story accelerator or Jackie, like kind of gives you this dating challenge. And
so if you did not watch that first video, she kind of talks about what this phase is
all about. Make sure you go watch it. And here's the thing, you guys love story accelerator
could be about all your love stories, not just your romantic ones. It could be your
love story with God, your love story with your family, your love story with your job.
Like it doesn't have to be just a romantic relationship. I would argue that boundaries
are necessary in all your relationships. And I would even argue that what we try to teach
you, um, she does, um, in dating one-on-one, she talks about the five levels of dating
from level one, two, three, four, and five. And you guys, we should employ that with women
that we meet. So many of us attach with other people, whether it's coworkers or pastor and
people in small group, we just like vomit our life story on each other. And so we get
to an accelerated place way too quickly, even with girlfriends, and then we get burned.
And so I want you to have that perspective as you watch dating one-on-one, as you watch
divine feminine, and remember divine feminine is really talking about what does it mean
to be divinely feminine? Remember God created us in his image. And so Jackie talks about,
um, when God first created Adam, when he created Eve, what's happened to the fall, what's happened
since the fall and how we've kind of swung in both directions on that pendulum. Um, especially
with us becoming independent boss babes, it's like, how do you carry strong confidence,
but still be divinely feminine? And then what does it mean to look for a man who's masculine
and divinely masculine? And so that section is really good. And you guys, that's good
again for you to know that for all areas of your life, you want to learn how to show up
as a soft feminine woman who can still be strong. And if you've been hearing from your
employees, like say you have a lot of people at work and your coworkers and your employees
say that you're kind of intimidating and you're kind of like a boss babe, but a little scary,
then you will love the divine feminine teaching. Cause it's not just for dating. I keep going
back to that. It's not just for dating. Um, then of course there's the online dating class
that I teach, which is always funny. If you watched it, you hear me say no one hated online
dating more than me. Seriously. Like no one's been trying it for all of the years since like,
but me, but when I got my first dating challenge from Jackie, it was the only way I was going to
hit that dating challenge. Dang it. And I've probably been on 200 dates since like it's,
it's hilarious. I should have written a book, like just collecting all that, those funny stories,
but I've learned so much and whether or not you want to do online dating, all the rules still
apply. How do you get somebody to go from meeting them to texting them to phone calls,
to video dates, to live dates and how to date. Whether you do that by meeting people at meetups,
the coffee shop, the online dating content kind of transcends all of it. And then of course,
the boundaries, I'm just a huge boundaries fan. We always need to be working on our boundaries
and boundaries. Isn't just about putting up walls. You guys, it's fences with gates,
it's fences with gates, and that includes all of our relationships. So that's kind of like the
summary of the videos. Obviously they're not, they're about an hour long each and you can watch
them in four days. We always encourage you to wait in between each video to make sure that God's
still speaking to you and seeing how that might show up like, gosh, I'm going to watch divine
feminine this week. And I'm going to see all the places that I can show up more feminine,
more feminine with my kids, my church, my staff, my team, my friends, and in dating relationships.
So that's kind of how you can take it. Just try to relax you guys. Again, I would say,
enjoy this time in phase two, you should be here about three to five weeks, however fast or short
you're going to take it. Don't rush it. Cause again, once you get to phase three, you lose
this intimacy. So don't rush it. You're already dating. And if you have been in phase two for a
while, you already know, Jackie has been letting you go to honestly, most of the phase three events
anyway. So you're kind of getting, in my opinion, the best of both worlds,
you're getting all of the fun events of phase three.
but you're still getting the small group coaching of phase two. So enjoy it while you are here.
Now, we are going to be moving over to the new app within the next month, probably. And so I'm not
sure how much we're going to be doing our community on the app versus in Facebook. No matter where the
community is, you guys show up. When you see those weekly roll call posts that say, how's it going?
Commit that you're going to update. You're like, Renee, I can't stand Facebook. Don't get on
Facebook all the time. I'm going to ask you to get on Facebook twice a week. You're going to get
on on Mondays to answer that roll call. And maybe you're going to get on by Thursday to check in
to see what Bethany and the other coaches had to say to you. And I also want you to go get a chance
and read what your sisters are going through because you guys want to cheer each other on.
For the most part, most of us single women complain that our family and our friends,
especially if they're married, don't get it. Our church doesn't get it, right? We've all complained
our church doesn't understand what it's like to be single. Our friends don't understand and are married people.
This community gets it. So instead of moaning that the outside world isn't there, you be here
cheering each other on. You guys, I didn't think I needed more female friends. I ran a faith-based
non-profit with all women. I'm like, for the love, I don't need any more female friends. Like, ugh.
Like, no crying in baseball. I can't take it. Like, I just need more testosterone in my life.
But lo and behold, this community has been a blessing and they've just been kind and loving.
And we just kind of have this base understanding about each other. And it is so easy out in the
world for women to be comparing and competing. But in here, we get to love and support each other.
And I would say the way that God called us to love and support each other. So show up, comment,
support your sisters. Don't just like peace out, especially if you're dating and you're hot and
heavy. You're like, oh, I don't need to come to anything anymore because I got this great guy.
That's exactly why you need to keep coming. Because so many of you get a boyfriend right
away and you're like, woohoo. See, hard work worked. I'm out of here. And then you'll bump
along and all of a sudden your old patterns start to show up or your old fears show up.
You could prevent potential missteps or breakups if you stay in community and let each other hold
yourself up and hold yourself accountable. One of the phrases that you heard in the heart work
is hurt in relationship, healed in relationship. So now that you're dating, some of the stuff that
needs healing will not heal completely until you're in that healthy relationship. You guys like,
I'm dating this really sweet guy right now. And I could already feel some of my triggers hitting.
I'm like, and I'm like, oh gosh, hurt in relationship, healed in relationship,
healed in relationship. Like I'm only going to heal in some of these places in a relationship.
I can watch all the videos and do all the things, but until I'm in that relationship,
some of that healing isn't going to happen. And so stay connected no matter what in your dating.
Okay. Let's see. One of the biggest things I can say, and this is no matter whether you're
in phase two or phase three. So this applies to everybody. You guys, I really needed to know
why things would end. Whether a guy ghosted me after two phone calls, one phone call,
three text messages, a first date. I always needed to know why, why, why, why, why, why?
And I let that go. I don't know what switched for me during the heart work, but I stopped
worrying about it. And once I decided it was no longer my need to know the reason why,
here's the only reason why he's not my guy. If he was my guy, he would have hung in there
because you guys, there are plenty of great love stories, both in this program and out of the
program where the husband and wife will say they wore the wrong outfit. They spilled on themselves.
They tripped. They said the wrong thing. Like if he is your person, you can't mess it up.
So like, I just realized I need to stop overanalyzing everything. I learned to be
clearer about what I wanted more quickly. I learned it to always be kind and treat every
date like an opportunity to be a sister in Christ, whether or not I was going to marry him or not.
And I stopped worrying on the first phone calls and dates if I was going to marry the guy.
Like, I don't know. I don't have to decide. I don't have enough information. Like the guy
that I'm talking to right now, he seems amazing. And I just keep saying to him, well, at this
point now you've said everything that I would want a guy to say, but now I'm like, show me.
And show me is only going to take time. Like I need to see him day in and day out, live out
everything he's saying, which kind of leads into one of the things that a lot of you guys are
worried about this thing called trauma bonding or love bombing. Um, that happens when you keep
sharing out of your mouth, your entire life story, all your heart healing and all of the things.
because you might have that anxious attachment. If you went to that teaching
where you really want to attach really quickly and you want to create this bond.
And the truth is when we're meeting strangers, you guys, it takes a while, female, male,
married couple. It takes a while for us to get chemistry and connect with people.
And so we want to make sure that the way you don't trauma bond, the way you don't overshare
is you keep a limit on your phone calls and your visits. And you try to do fun stuff.
You try to do fun activities on those dates. If all you guys are going to do is have two hour
long video sessions and you're going to go out on dates, whether it's dinner or coffee,
and all you do is stare at each other and tell your whole life story, then yeah,
you might run the risk of trauma bonding or sharing too much because that's all you're doing
is sharing. So get out and go do fun stuff. And I dare say, especially if you're like me,
if you have a therapist, social services, pastoral background, you guys, we can't help
ourselves. Like, it's like we ask one silly little question and all of a sudden the guy
just vomits his life story. And you're like, oh, see, he's not supposed to be telling me all his
stuff. Well, there's some magical gift in some of us that we just say one thing and we're finally
the first safe person in their life. And they just, and so we can't be mad at them. Like I
take responsibility for that now. Like if I feel like someone shares too much intimacy with me and
I wasn't able to stop it, I'm like, okay, Renee, you need to reign that stuff. And it's time for
some silly fun questions. Cause somehow you like turn into your, you put your therapy hat on and
you didn't even mean to. So let's try to take our part in that. And so really just kind of take
responsibility and just try to super have fun. And you guys time, my pastor always used to say
to me, truth is on the side of time. So write that down. Truth is on the side of time. That's
how you don't trauma bond. That's how you make sure he is who he says he is. First, he's going
to tell you who he is, and then he has to start showing you who he is. He has to start showing you
if the telling overtakes the showing, you will not know who he is. You can't, right? So that's why if
you are doing long distance, it is so important to start getting those live dates in. It's so
important to start doing other things like literally pick up your phone and go for a walk
with him. Watch how he interacts with people out on the street, cook a meal together, find ways to
be super creative about it. So that is how we really try to protect ourselves. And just, and
this is how do you guard your heart? I think I feel like I've, I feel like I've, I've kind of
hit that. Um, whenever you want to keep talking to a guy or see him again, tell him, I know it's
embarrassing if he didn't want to see you again. Like, I don't want to go say anything. So if I
liked a guy, whether it was a video day, a phone date, or a live day, I always said, I really
enjoyed my time with you. I don't know where you're at, but I would love to see you again.
If not, no problem. I just wanted you to know that it was so great meeting you and I turn and
walk away this way. He's never in doubt about the fact that I want to see him again. So he's not
second guessing it. If you feel awkward doing in the moment and you have his cell phone number,
text him. As soon as you get home, Hey, I just got home. I just wanted to thank you again for
a great night. I would love to see you again. If that's something you want to do too. If not,
it was really great meeting you. Boom. And you guys, did my feelings get hurt if they didn't
want to see me again? Maybe, but I never sweated going. Does he know? Does he know? Does he know
guys can't read our mind? They don't know. So that's what I really want to encourage you to do.
If he says to you, I would like to see you again. How do you feel about that? And you don't want to
see him again. And you know, you don't want to see him again. Do not lie to him. Just like,
you know what? I've really enjoyed getting to know you. This has been a really wonderful time.
And it's, you know, and you seem like a really great person. I just, you know, I feel like that
we are not right to move forward in a romantic relationship, but it was such an honor to get
to know you. And I really want to bless you as you go meet your person. Boom. Again, is that awkward?
Yes. Is that better than you stringing them along? Yes. So we want to be brave ladies.
The other thing that Bethany wanted me to remind you to do is whenever you're talking to guys,
try to match their energy. And I would add this caveat, if it's healthy. If they text you every
morning to say hello, and you're texting, but then you text back and say a quick hello. If they want
to call you, you pick up the phone. Don't try to play games. We are not 20, you know, we're not
16 years old. We were like, oh my gosh, I have to wait three days before I respond. No, no, you don't
have to. Um, but if he starts to put distance between the phone calls and the dates, you put
Don't get all anxious and like try to go chasing after him.
If you've already told him, I would like to see you again.
You've not lifted ambiguous.
Now remember you guys are encouraged and we are encouraged in your, or especially early
in your dating to be talking to more than one person at the same time.
Some people call it vetting.
Some people call it just, you know, level two discovery dating.
It's just that idea of I'm talking to a bunch of people.
You don't narrow it down to one person or press pause on other people until you feel
like you want to focus in on that person.
That's usually a mutual conversation.
Typically Jackie would say that he needs to lead that conversation.
Now I will tell you this, if a guy goes to kiss me on a date and we've not made that
clear, I'd be like, Hey, just so you know, I kind of have the role.
I know you might be talking to other women and that's totally okay, but I'm not making
out with guys that are talking to other women.
So that's kind of my boundary.
So if we ever get to the point where you want to just press pause on talking to other
girls and just see me, you know, then we might reconsider this little kiss goodnight thing
going on.
Like I might give a hug, a side hug.
I can give a kiss on the cheek.
I guys, I kiss strange.
I mean, I kiss a lot of people on the cheek.
It's just, I'm very Italian.
And so for me giving somebody a side hug and a quick kiss, if, if they kind of went in
for that and don't freak me out to do it, but like we ain't having lip contact if, if
I don't know that I'm the only one.
So we really want you to reign that in simply because it's, it, again, especially if you
guys know that sexual connection has clouded your judgment in the past, then reign in your
sexual behavior, you know, like obviously, and how you do that is you don't spend a lot
of alone time in your homes.
Like that's what makes it really, really easy.
Okay.
If you have initiated the first video date or you initiated the first date, make sure
he initiates the second one.
It's okay to drop the hanky, but we don't want you leading the relationship, even if
it's going slower than you would like.
And if you're like, oh my gosh, but I met this guy, this guy do not obsess about a guy.
I kind of have this four date rule.
I don't obsess about any guy until we get past four dates.
If we haven't hit four dates, I don't care what he said.
I don't care what he's promised.
I haven't met my boyfriend yet, so let's not rush that.
Keep your options open.
Okay.
So that is the summary of all of the topics that I wanted to hit.
I really love to answer your questions and it usually takes a lot for the first person
to come in and be brave with the first one.
Now, Maria, you have patiently had your hand up.
So do you have a question you want to ask and be brave in front of the whole group?
Yes.
I actually typed a lot of it already.
Let's see.
Let me just scan and read it then.
I said yes.
So you had two brief conversations.
Were they on the phone in person?
I think it was like three brief conversations on the phone.
After he asked you on a date, you had three brief conversations.
Right.
So the first, we're supposed to go out on a Monday, but I was super tired, so I changed
it to the following Saturday, right?
And then Saturday came and he came up with a reason that he didn't want to go out, which
was very, but I didn't think anything of it.
And then he called me at the time that we should have been out, right?
And he wanted to talk and I was like, you know, it was kind of like, I don't want to
talk to you on the phone.
I want to talk to you like when we go out, right?
Did you actually say that or did you think that?
I thought that.
So maybe I should have said that.
So then he canceled the next day and I was super mad because I had other things I wanted
to do, but I rescheduled with him to be nice to him.
But you know, so I was like super annoyed.
So I didn't get his cancellation text until I was basically almost at the place.
And I called him to say, oh, I'm running late.
And he didn't answer the phone, which I was like, that's so weird.
Why didn't he answer the phone?
And then I thought, wait a second, let me check and see.
And that's when I looked at the text and he was like, and I'll read, I tried to post the
screenshot, but it doesn't let me.
So I'll read you what he wrote.
So he wrote, Maria, I'm sorry, I have to cancel tonight.
I hope we can remain friends.
I just feel last night we had a few pauses of silence in our conversation and maybe,
and there may be, may not be much connection.
I appreciate your kindness and hope we can remain.
friends. Okay, so he's basically closed the loop. Yeah.
So here's what probably happened, Maria. Some people get really nervous to have a date date
in person. I'm sure he was very nervous. So he opted to have a phone date with you instead.
And then after the phone date, he didn't like the direction it was going in. And he cancelled the
date. But of course, what he did was he really waited until the last second, you guys. And
here's the thing. Let's assume he wasn't trying to be a jerk about it. Let's assume he probably
hemmed and hawed all day. And he probably knew he had to send you that text saying I really don't
want to go on this date. But he probably felt bad doing it. Let's try to give him the benefit
of the doubt. He probably felt bad doing it. Who wants to send the text that says I've changed my
mind. I don't want to go on a date with you. And so he he sent you that text. So it's a bummer.
It doesn't make him a bad guy. It just makes him not your guy. I would just say going forward,
you know, just be really clear. You know, like if he's rescheduling, you're rescheduling. But I mean,
you're on the phone. And, you know, and that's when you can just be honest. Like, hey, you know
what? Did you I noticed that you cancelled our date for tonight, but you chose to call me. Is
it because you felt like this was a little safer and you wanted to do that? That's OK if you did.
I'm just trying to get a little bit of an understanding. So like, that's the only thing
you could have done differently is just kind of called him on it a little bit like, hey,
like, I'm kind of confused. You cancelled the date. And the thing is, it didn't even occur to
me until like now that that was well. Yeah. And so the benefit is, Maria, you sharing your
situation is going to help 20 something other people on this call or whoever watches and goes,
OK, look, if a guy does that to me and like. So whenever you're like thinking a question and try
not to ask the question, why? Why is a very accusatory start to a question and just say,
hey, I'm curious. I think I gave this advice to you guys a couple of weeks ago. Start with a
question with I'm curious. I'm curious to know why you cancelled the day live, but you're calling
me during this time. Tell me a little bit more about that. I'm curious. Tell me more.
Because he had he had a whole like ridiculous reason. But yeah, you know, I just it just didn't,
you know, I mean, I. He ain't your guy, girl. He just wasn't. Oh, yeah, no. Yeah, it's fine
because I didn't I didn't feel anything with him anyway. Like he's very he seemed to me very needy
and like weird because he was like doing stuff like calling me more and like all these like other
like things, which is why not? Yeah. You know. And so that's a good point, though. I'm going to
cut you off just so I can. Unless you had another question on that. Did you have any more questions
about that? No. OK, because you're bringing up a good point, you guys. And I read this somewhere
else and it's possible I read somebody another relationship person say this, and I'm sure I've
heard Jackie say this. You guys have a guy's interested in you. You won't be confused.
He can like you, but just maybe not enough. Like there's going to be a lot of guys that you're
going to meet that kind of like you, somewhat like you, and then they're in it to win it like you.
You want to wait for the guy who's going to pursue you because he's in it to win it.
If you have to come on the page and you guys have to over if like and I've done it, girl,
I got girls. I'm just saying I have reread three weeks of text messages from men and been like
trying to decipher what it means. The fact that I'm trying to decipher what it means means he's
not my guy. Like you want the guy that is so clear his words match his actions and he likes you
enough to pursue you. That's what you're here for. We don't want you to compromise. I don't want you
to compromise just so you can say this was my last year single. I hope that you're in this program
to become the best version of yourself that you can possibly be. Learn how to date smart, date
healthy. And for those of you that have never dated your entire life, you guys, I barely dated
my entire life. Like I've dated more men in the last three years than I've dated in my entire
life. Seriously. And so when I find, when I go to get married, I'm going to be like, wow,
I got to really find the guy that stood out. He was like the diamond in the rough. So that's what
you're going after. Okay. Melissa, Dawn, go ahead. All right. Well, thank you very much.
I want to tag on a sort of a related topic that Maria was talking about.
Just sort of simulate a lukewarm and then like a closing the loop situation.
I have been talking to this guy that is a high quality man. He's very sweet and has great
character. And just today I got a
message from him.
Like we were basically kind of getting to know each other,
building a friendship.
We had logged quite a number of hours,
like video chatting over, you know,
the span of, I don't know how many weeks,
but significant enough to like warrant
at least some communication.
And so I noticed that he has a lot going on in his life
and I was kind of getting the feeling he's unsettled
about his career right now.
And I know that men, a lot of times,
like until that's settled,
it's very hard for them to shift over
into like other areas at times.
But I kind of feel like he might just not have enough desire,
like you said, to be in it, to win it.
And so basically today he communicated that, you know,
like he said several really kind and generous things
that he appreciates about my character
and the process of getting to know me and all of that.
And that was very sweet and I appreciate it.
I haven't written him back yet,
but it kind of, I get the gut feeling that,
like he likes me, he respects me, you know, like,
but it's kind of like what you were saying, Renee.
It's like, but does he like me enough?
And I'm just not sure.
I've kind of lost attraction
because I'm just not attracted to men
who are like not in it to win it
because I've had really awesome men pursue me
and I know what that's like.
And so, but I also understand he's in a very intense time.
His dad just had open heart surgery.
You know, he's like, he's in his career
is like very much up in the air.
So anyway, so I understand.
And he essentially communicated as much to me today.
He has a lot going on in his life,
but he was kind of like, yeah, for the next several months,
I just want to like focus on developing our friendship.
That's what he said.
Like, you know, I'm looking forward to this, you know,
but he just has, interestingly enough,
I told him about a program to help him grow like spiritually
and he's doing that.
And I'm actually very happy for him
because I think it's going to be amazing for him,
but that also will be kind of taking up some of his time,
but it's totally worth it, obviously.
I'm like, God is more important than me.
So here's my question.
I'm just not sure like how to respond
because part of me is like, if it's not a heck yes,
it's a no for me.
That's normally my stance
because I feel like I've been very open
and present and vulnerable and all of that and showed up.
But I also don't want to be like, so, you know,
I just don't want to be like,
oh, well it has to be this one way.
So I'm just like, I'm not sure how to handle it.
Yeah.
Like, do I say, okay, if I'm still single in three months,
cool, let's reevaluate.
But what are your thoughts?
So I love what you said.
And so I think, here's what I think.
I think all of us can be busy for a day and even a week.
Like, I think, like I had a really crappy week last week.
Like I, like somebody wanted in our community,
wanted to drive five hours to come visit me in the afternoon.
I had two papers due for school.
I had zero time.
And so I'm sure if I did that two weeks in a row,
he'd be like, she's just not interested, right?
So I think it's okay to have somebody who has a week or two
where they kind of go MIA.
But I'm remembering the phrase Jackie used.
I don't know if you were online when she said this.
It was in something.
It might've been in an Ask Jackie.
It made me laugh.
Like, I want a t-shirt.
She said, cause she's talked to hundreds of men.
She has said that men will cut off their arm
and use it as a oar to paddle downstream to you.
If they like you, no matter what,
they will find a way to pursue you.
Even if their life is in shambles.
If he's healthy and it's in shambles.
Like, do you know what I'm saying?
Like, I would argue I'm healthy,
but my life is really intense right now.
And so I think it's okay for you to say to this person,
like, hey, totally understand.
I'm just trying to get a little bit of clarity from you.
And, or you could just say like,
hey, totally understand.
I'm gonna let you set the pace
and determine when we see each other.
Obviously since we're just gonna be friends for now,
I will also continue to talk to other people
and hold space for that.
And if you and I are meant to be more than friends,
that will become clear to both of us.
So you could be that direct.
Like, what do you have to lose?
Like, that's the beauty in this, you guys.
And that's why we want you to practice on people
you're kind of like, eh, about.
Like, practice on those people.
Like, be brave and just say, like,
cause you're already not sure
if you're gonna cut and run anyway,
cause he's not all in it.
So you might as well just be brave and say like,
hey, thank you so much for sharing that.
I'm not quite sure what that means.
So here's what I can offer you.
I'd be happy to hang out with you
when you reach out and book some time with me.
I will wait to hear from you.
Obviously, since we're not making
any kind of commitment now.
I will also make myself available to other people if we are meant to be together that will become clear to us. I
Look forward to hearing from you sometime
So you've left the door open for him to pursue you him to ask you out, but you've let him know
that you're gonna continue to talk to other people and
That might help him either
not book the next friendship date and then he was just trying to be polite and he really isn't in the space to date or
Doesn't like you enough to date
Or he's gonna go. Oh and he's gonna swoop in and like do it. So that's my suggestion. My suggestion is
be honest without caring about the endgame and I feel like you guys if we can ask and
Give statements to the guys that we're talking to like, hey, it seems like you're I'm not really sure how much energy you're putting into this
So I'm gonna step back and let you lead know that I would love to date you and get to know you
But I'm not sensing consistency on your end. So I'm gonna let you lead like keep talking to folks
Okay, like that's great help. It really does Renee. Thank you so much. I love the confidence of it
I love the clarity and also, you know, I really I I like I don't know what that means
I feel like we've been building a friendship and with
Something more but I and I have made some initiative about 15% to his, you know
85 and just to show him something back without leading
but I I think that I think that I really it's so unattractive to me and I don't like I just I
Yeah, so I don't want to shut the door and I think what you said lets it stay open
But I'm also saying the ball is in your court like that claim
Actually, it's gonna make you more attractive to him
Like it's gonna be like let's face it like guys want to like chase after so guys still like the chase you guys so we can
Drop the hanky but guys still like the chase. So if you
Order I forgot to say you live so
Yeah
In your Pennsylvania, yeah, I mean and I will say this too
I'll cut him some slack on this like the guy that just showed up in my life literally lives three miles away
it's the first local day I've had in forever and I feel like all I've been doing lately is long-distance and
You gotta be you you you need a whole separate level of energy
To do long-distance because you know, you're partly like gosh if you were here we could just go out for coffee
like or we could just do this so
that's also working against you guys and
You deserve to be talking to some men. They're local to you Melissa. You're too amazing
All right, I'm gonna call on the next two people. I am gonna get to the questions that are in the chat, too
So I'm gonna do Joanna and McCall then there was two really good questions in the chat
I'm gonna switch over to before I take on new questions. So Joanna
Johanna am I saying it is it Johanna?
Hannah
I'm new to face to
Hey, so you're like, oh my gosh Renee. That was like drinking from a fire hose. I'm overwhelmed. No, are you good?
Really good. I am I am somebody who has dated a lot over
since my
Just my whole life and so so it's good. No, it's good. My question
I hope it's I hope it's not taking us off track and I'll trust you to to leave
if it is but early me if it is, but it has to do with blocking and
specifically as I you know wrapped up the heart work and then moving into
Phase two and preparing to get back out there online
And I have this question about my ex
That that's coming up and I've been praying about it right now. I have him blocked and I blocked him
Not social media or just on your phone
and on what's up, and I blocked him he and I went off and on for five years and
the last
Break in between was about two and a half years that we didn't talk and then we reconnected this last fall
He's in Wyoming. I'm in just outside of Austin, Texas, and we we gave it
Long-distance Lee a little we explored a conversation between us. We never saw each other
And got to the same the same issues as were there before. However, there was some forgiveness and and so
It culminated before Christmas of like hey look
we're
I
told him I'm I'm moving on and and
Then he reached out to me
Early January right before I did this program and was in Dallas
um, before he went out of town, he travels all over the world for work. And before he was,
he was in Dallas before he left to go out of the country and randomly reached out to me and said,
Hey, you know, I'm here. Would you be interested in, in seeing each other? And I said, I would,
because we never got to see each other in person, even though I said, I'm not moving forward. Well,
we didn't, we, we weren't able to make it happen. And part of why we're not together and why I
don't want to pursue is he disappears. And because of his work, he can't talk about things he does.
And he, he disappears. And, um, and so, um, he disappeared. He, I got real excited about
seeing him again, um, and just being able to, I don't even know why. And so, but,
and then he just disappeared. And so I decided I was doing this program and I just blocked him.
It's like, I'm not, I'm not going to mess with this anymore. So as I move forward
into dating, I'm wondering if I need to face him, like unlock him and say, Hey, look, you know,
if I need to, I'm, I'm nervous. I'm scared that he's going to pop that pop back up. I, my fear
is that he's going to pop up in my future. And this is, so this is my gut. So this is like my
Holy spirit gut for you. And you can take this for whatever it's worth. I think you need to give
the next 90 days of dating without him in the story. I think you need to continue the block
for the next 90 days. You've, you guys have spent a lot of years off and on. If he is supposed to
be your person, you waiting 90 more days, isn't going to change that. I would love to see you
experiencing dating. Like you said, you've been out there, but it sounds like he's been in and
out of your story. So I would love to see what it would be like for you to date other people
without him in the background, even as a potential background. And in 90 days you can decide,
and Jackie will say this when it comes to exes, she only thinks it works with exes.
If there is a dramatic shift in their life and their behavior. So if he has the same job,
that's going to cause them to cut and run because of security or safety reasons. And, or he has not
done enough of his own heartwork. You are going to keep circling the same stuff. So even though
you just finished your heartwork, if he's not done anything different, it doesn't matter how much
he's talking and oohing and aahing, she would say for exes to get back together, something pretty
significant has had to happen. So that's my gut is that I would love to see you, if you went five
weeks without talking to him, consider at least two more months without talking to him.
So there is a thought that I have going on in my head about blocking. And I, it's like,
if I'm healed and if I am whole, and if I'm mature, I shouldn't have to block. Could you talk to that?
Well, that's like saying to somebody who I think eventually you shouldn't have to block.
That's like saying to somebody who is a food addict or an alcoholic or drug addict. And
they're finally like 30 days with their chip. Do I think that person should now buy alcohol and
leave it in their home? Do I think that that person should have access to the thing that
could be their unhealthy thing? Like just because, yes, to your point, you need to get to the place
where you don't care one way or the other. That's when it's healthy to kind of do this. You're so
fresh into your heartwork. Do you really want to give yourself that much temptation right away?
So, and that's a question you might want to ask yourself. So yes. So I think for at some point
in the future, health and maturity for you would be not blocking him and choosing to take his call
or not. But I will tell you this, if you unblocked him today and you would have a hard time discerning
health of whether or not you should pick up the call or not, you're not ready to unblock him yet.
And so I think that's okay. That is, like I said, it's just like any other thing that we
could have a soul tie or addiction to. God does not necessarily want us to exercise our willpower
right out of the gate. Like you want to make sure any wounds you have with him actually have a scar
on it. Like I have, I've got a scar right here from surgery and I've got a scar on my neck from
surgery. It doesn't hurt me to touch this scar. Like that's how much healing has happened. It
doesn't hurt me. But if you have a fresh cut and it's starting to heal, but then you just pick at
it, like
you reopen the wound.
And so you just, and only you can discern
how far into your healing you are.
I don't know your story and the hook that he seems to have,
but from the energy that I'm getting from you is,
and that could be wrong, so take it to the Lord.
I feel like y'all still have some energy together
and I'm just not sure he's safe for you.
So it's just, again, take it to the Lord,
take it to Bethany.
I mean, and she might tell you otherwise,
but my first gut, Holy Spirit,
like God, I would love to see you
continue the block for a little bit, a little bit more,
especially if you just entered phase two,
like phase two is only four weeks.
Try dating and going through all of that
without him in the story.
And then at the end of the phase two,
you and I can have this conversation again
and maybe we'll have a different answer
and I'll feel better for you.
About letting go, yeah, I just feel like it's too soon.
McCall.
So my question was from one of the videos,
I think it was from Dating 101.
I haven't watched the one on online dating yet.
So I'm very much a straight shooter.
I'm very direct.
I like to, and probably that's where I've gotten trouble
in the past with trauma bonding and just,
here's my life story, are you gonna accept me?
Because if you're not, then I'm gonna bolt.
So as you can tell,
probably a lot of that anxious attachment energy.
Actually right now, and it's been on there for a while,
I haven't subscribed,
but I actually will put on my profile
that I do not want to engage in physical,
I think I say physical intimacy until marriage.
And cause I've struggled.
So, and not that it's just sex anymore,
it's like I've gotten in trouble doing the other activities.
And so, and a lot of guys are just,
they'll be blunt and just be like,
sure, I'm fine with not having sex,
but there's a means to other things as well.
And that's gotten me in trouble.
And so, but for me,
and whether this is anxious attachment or not,
it's like, I have left that on my profile
and it's, some men have really appreciated it.
And then of course, some men sure look at a profile
and if they, so anyway, like, I guess, so I'm rambling,
but my question-
I know where you're going with this.
And I'm a Yankee from New York, and I'm Italian.
And so we kind of wear our hearts on our sleeves
and we're very direct.
And so here's what I can tell you,
when I personally think,
and listen to the online dating one,
and I talk about this a little bit more,
but you guys, it's really important for your profiles
to say what you want and what you are for,
not what you don't want.
And so, A, that's my first piece of advice.
Like I'm turned off the minute I see a guy say,
I don't want drama, I don't want this, I don't want that.
And that turns me off.
So I feel like if someone's like,
I don't wanna have sex until marriage,
that could be a turnoff, even if it is a good, decent guy.
So there's that, right?
And so you wanna keep your profile super brief.
The other thing that's coming to my mind
by you keeping it up there,
is the phrase that Jackie always says,
there's being God defended and self-defended.
So I feel like you keeping it up there
is still you trying to be self-protective
and you being self-defended.
It's like, you're not trusting
that God's gonna now defend you with your sexual purity
and any other form of activity that you've been worried about.
So you're like, I'm gonna armor up
and I'm gonna put this out there.
And I'm gonna try to keep out all the creepers.
And I have to be honest with you,
you actually putting that up there
isn't gonna keep you as safe as you think it is
because there are some men that wanna conquer that.
I've had plenty of men who are like,
ooh, now I really wanna take this chick out
because I wanna prove to her that I can get her in bed.
And so it actually might backfire on you.
Now he'll tell you, oh my gosh, I love that you said that.
I love that you said that.
And he's gonna say all of it,
but his actions may not line up.
He might like try to reel you in.
So, cause what you're basically saying to some people
is what your trigger could be, what your carrot could be.
And so you wanna be super careful there.
You also wanna be super careful how much you say,
I'm looking for this, this, and this
because the chameleon is just gonna show up
and be this, this, and this.
So you wanna state who you are
and what you're looking for in life.
And if he says to you, well, what do you want in a guy?
You just say, well, you know what?
Tell me a little bit about you
and I'll let you know if you're my guy.
Like, because if he asks you, what do you want?
Like, I would just say, be broad and be, you know.
Obviously, you know, I really want a guy that is pursuing a serious commitment and relationship.
Somebody that's healthy mind, body, and spirit, somebody that's continuing to grow and learn.
You want to just keep like those things that you're looking for really broad.
I think, you know, Jackie has said, you don't bring up the sex until sex is on the table
because once you bring up sex, now that conversation is always on the table.
It's kind of like when Harry met Sally, some of you are too young for that, but it's like
once you put sex in the conversation, it's never not in the conversation, even if you're
kind of ignoring it.
And so you have to trust McCall that you can have those early conversations with people
and weed them out because God's going to help you weed people out.
I also think we have to be careful dumping all our crap on them.
So consider all your trauma withdrawals.
If you are going to take on or either withdrawals or the phrase like luggage.
So if I have children, that might be luggage.
If I'm a former alcoholic, that's luggage.
If I had an eating disorder, that might be luggage.
Like whatever my shit is, that's my luggage and that's your luggage.
So we all have baggage, right?
We all have baggage.
But the problem is if we unload our baggage onto the person we just met, we haven't made
any deposits yet.
And so what could have been something that could have handled finding out about it too
soon as like, man, I don't even know if I like you yet.
And now you've just told me five reasons why I shouldn't like you.
Like, like when you go on a job interview, like when you go on a job interview, McCall,
you would never say like, even if somebody asked you what your weaknesses are, you're
smart girl.
I bet you would come up with a way to make your weaknesses sound amazing, right?
So you tell people on your interview, the best of who you are, you want them to kind
of fall in love with you.
Now they might say, tell me about a mistake that you learned and you might share one mistake.
You might share one weakness, but if the interview is 30 minutes long, you spent two minutes
talking about something negative about yourself and you've talked about how amazing you are
for 28 minutes.
So same rules apply.
Like you wouldn't want an employer to not be, you know, like, well, really I've got
this problem here and I got this problem here.
I'd be like, oh my gosh, she's a hot mess express.
There's no way I'm hiring this chick.
Like and so the same, the rule would apply in the dating.
So I would say, um, this is going to, pacing yourself is going to be your biggest challenge
and I get it girl, um, but here's, let me give you, um, let me give you a different
way not to waste your time because you don't want to waste, let me just finish, let me
just finish this off.
Yep.
This is going to be good for folks.
I'm probably not, I'm a direct girl like McCall, but I'm learning to not vomit my story and
be like, you got to deal with it.
Here's how I don't waste my time online dating or any kind of dating.
I get matched up.
I will give two or three text messages back and forth.
If they start to ask me a really cool question, I say, you know what, that's a great question.
I really hate texting as a form to get to know somebody.
I would love to have a video conversation with you before we answer any more questions.
If that's something you're open to, I'd love to book that time with you and then I just
leave it there.
If they don't want to book that time with me, I'm done texting and then I get to that
video chat and then I can get to the date.
And so I don't waste time texting for three weeks.
I don't even, um, get on the phone.
I don't care if it's your Google number.
I do not get on the phone.
I want to see what they look like.
I want to see touch feel.
I want to see all the tone inflection, body language.
I want to make sure they are who they say are, but I really want to feel their energy
and you can't feel someone's energy on a phone.
So and not to mention, at least with a video chat, I'm still controlling when we're booking
that time and I can make it almost like a date.
If you give out your phone number or a Google number, you can now, the problem is they can
keep texting you.
They can call you when you're not prepared.
They're not going to treat it like a date.
I want them to treat that first video session like a date.
I want them to pick a time.
And so that's how I move quickly.
So I feel like I get to the same thing you're trying to get to McCall very fast without
being in your face fast.
That makes sense.
Okay.
Did you have a follow up?
I think it's just mainly like, okay, you're going to like, okay, I'm going to go out to
go out to dinner with the guy then and let's say, and I don't, whatever, maybe the conversation
shouldn't come up then anyway, but let's say, you know, the conversation comes around and
he's just like, yeah, I'm, I'm all for that before marriage.
I'm going to be like, check, please.
You know, it's like, those are just some things that I just don't, you know, just other crap
that I just don't want to be running into.
And I don't want to view it as a waste of time, but, and that probably is like a self
protection mode, but yeah, it is.
Cause I mean, and you know what?
And that's why I don't, I mean, like book a video chat.
First of all, I have saved myself plenty of dates
by booking that video chat first.
Man, it's like, no, no.
And then if I book a first date,
I don't book a dinner date, you guys.
I book coffee, like I book a walk.
Like, hey, let's grab a coffee
and go walk down the street together
because I need my steps in anyway.
So even if it's a bus date, I got my steps in
and we've had a chance to kind of walk and keep talking.
I don't book like a date, like dinner date
until like I'm at least the second date in.
Now, if he wants to and you want to like go for it,
like do that.
But, and it's going to be hard, McCall.
It's going to be hard
cause you're going to want to get to the hard stuff fast.
I can tell.
And you're going to not want to waste your time.
And so like, you're going to have to go before the Lord
going, what else, God, do you want me to learn
in this dating process?
And how can I learn how to be softer?
If you've not watched the Divine Feminine,
I encourage you to watch that one.
And that might help you understand why,
because this is teaching you how to bring out
the Divine Feminine side.
And you guys, it's really interesting
cause the guy that like already wants to go exclusive
with me right now, he's like,
the one thing he complimented me on was how feminine I was.
And now up North, I used to hear that all the time.
No one ever thought I was direct up North,
but ever since I moved to Nashville,
it's like, Renee, you're just so direct.
I'm like, okay, compared to all of you, maybe.
I'm kind of a wimp up North,
but like it was the first time that a man said
that I was feminine.
Cause I'm kind of like a little bit of a spitfire.
And so you might want to use this opportunity
to draw out your feminine side.
And so it seems like it's a waste of your time,
but it's not because it's growing that in you.
It's growing a new muscle in you.
So I want you to try to think about it that way.
Okay.
All right, I hope that helps.
Watch some of the videos, bring it back around.
Maria, you asked a really good question.
I don't know any other good material in Divine Feminine
that's not hippy dippy woo woo.
That's the problem.
Like, I feel like people see that Divine Feminine topic
and right away, the only other place
I feel like,
and we're not supposed to really promote other books,
but the only other book I feel like that's closest
to talking about the Divine Feminine
is John and Stacey Elridge wrote books about 15 years ago.
He wrote Wild at Heart and she wrote Captivating.
I feel like Wild at Heart,
really at the heart of Wild at Heart is divine masculine
and what men need and what they're looking for.
And I feel like at the heart of Captivating
is what does it mean to be Divine Feminine?
So I feel like that's the only
what I would consider scripturally sound,
biblical versions of Divine Masculine and Feminine.
I personally bought both of them
and I took as much value at reading Wild at Heart
and learning about men
as I did reading Captivating, learning about women.
And here's what I will tell you
what's beautiful about that story.
She'll tell you she was a hot broken mess
and totally screwed up on their initial dates.
So you know how Jackie says you can't mess up
if he's your spirit mate?
You really can't because their marriage is amazing,
but they were both hot mess expresses
when they got together.
So it's just a good example of if he's your person,
God's gonna put grace on your face
and he's gonna help work through the clunks.
Okie dokie, let's see.
Long distance.
Somebody had a question about long distance.
Who was it?
So I want you to come on.
Somebody else had a long...
Oh, Amanda.
Is there another way to have a date
for long distance outside of Zoom?
I'm running into people who don't know how to use Zoom.
Oh my gosh.
All right, well, here's a few ways.
One, the most obvious is Facebook Messenger.
So unfortunately with Facebook Messenger,
they are gonna find out your Facebook account,
but don't make them your...
You can do Facebook Messenger by video
without becoming Facebook friends.
So if you've got your privacy settings,
yes, he's gonna find out your last name,
but Facebook Messenger is like...
There's a girl in the community like Cheryl.
Cheryl who helps run the programs with us.
Her and I Facebook Messenger all the time
because she lives in Canada.
And so it's just an easy way for us
to video chat with each other.
So obviously if he can't do...
If the guy can't do Zoom, he can't do Google Chat.
I find I hate the Google Meet video thing platform.
I find it worse than Zoom in my opinion.
But you guys, don't be afraid to teach him how to use Zoom
because you can download the Zoom app
for free on your phone.
WhatsApp, again, if you guys have already exchanged...
People get so freaked out about WhatsApp.
No, you don't wanna give a perfect stranger
your WhatsApp information, whatever.
But I use WhatsApp every time I'm talking
to somebody overseas or when I'm out of the country.
country. Like it's a safe way to communicate with somebody. And actually the guy that I'm
talking to right now, he has an Android and I have an iPhone, so we can't FaceTime. So
the only way we can video chat is through WhatsApp. And so WhatsApp is a, so don't be
afraid to move over to those platforms. Hopefully that answered your question. Okay. Lauren,
you are up. Yes. Hello. Thank you. So I'm like a week
and a half in phase two, like listening to the content, trying to wrap my, my new mind
around all the things. Yeah, that's definitely the vibe. And so I matched with a guy, we
did a video chat and he was not my normal type. And I keep like hearing in the back
of my mind, whether it was your voice or Jackie's voice being like, you know, staying open minded.
Um, and so it was good. It was, he's very lovely, like very kind and respectful. Um,
you could tell he was nervous. I do zoom all day for work. He does not. So that's fine.
But like, you got a lot of this. Did you get a lot of this or his nose? No, I got this. Like,
he's just like, yeah, I know. So I was like trying to extend grace. So we chat, we messaged
or whatever for a second meetup. And he's like, let's do putt, putt or whatnot. And I'm like,
Ooh, I'm afraid to do that long with you. Cause it was awkward.
Here's why you want to give him the putt putt is less than two hours.
Well, I have, so I've raised my kids by myself, so I only have little pockets,
the window. So I gave him like drinks. I don't drink, but like we'll go get drinks
for like an hour. I'm just like, I'm struggling. Normally I would write him off because he's
scheduled the date and then didn't say like, looking, I'm a words of affirmation. So there's
no like looking forward to it or. Right. Except if he's nervous. I'm a checklist.
Right. But if he's nervous and a little dorky, you want to give him the best possible chance
to show his best self to you. So he probably picked putt, putt, because it means you're not
just staring at each other across from drinks, which might make him really uncomfortable.
So you can pick something that's an hour long. That's like putt, putt. You could go play,
you could go say, Hey, let's go to Jonathan's like a pool hall. Let's go play pool. Let's go
play darts. Oh, that's good. Yeah. Something where you can act. Cause what he's saying to you
is I need to do an activity. So I'm not so nervous. And you're like, yeah, let's just do
drinks. And he's probably going to go right now. I've got to stare across at her and have drinks
now again, he still might not be your guy, but this is you being a godly kind woman.
And you're going to give him every chance to be the best version of himself. So
offer to meet at a driving range and just shoot a bucket of balls. Cause shooting a bucket of
balls takes less than an hour. You don't even have to do your own clubs. You guys can rent the clubs.
Um, you can, so you can go to the driving range. You can go to, like I said, go to a billiards,
like, um, you know, or just say, Hey, let's both grab coffee. And I'm going to bring a game of
Uno cards, bring a game of cards, like, you know, make it fun, like make it fun. So that's, if
you're going to give him this chance and he's kind of nervous and dorky, give him his best chance at
surviving. And at the very least, as Jackie would say, leave him better than you found him.
And maybe you'll give him confidence for the next person. You might be thinking I'm a mom. I don't
have time for this crap, but it might grow you. Here's the thing. You guys, we never know what
God is growing in us. And we're out on these other dates because I would venture that Lauren,
even when you meet your perfect guy, he's not going to be perfect all the time. And you're
going to have to find ways to be selfless and help find a way for him to shine. So even if it's
just a practice, I need to teach, I need to, I need to find ways for my husband to learn how to
shine when he's uncomfortable. That's beautiful. I don't know that I think because it's just like,
and so I think back now to all of the dates that I've been on and it might change the way I date
today, my guy. And it's going to give me practice. I'm going to be more patient. And cause
like McCall, man, I'm like, let's go, man. Let's go. And God may have me marry somebody that
processes a lot slower than I do. But if he's my, if he's my guy in every other place, if he's,
if he's my spiritual leader, if he wants to lay hands and pray for me, if he wants to do ministry
with me, if he's this, this, and this, and the only thing he isn't, is that a out loud.
but on the fly thinker speaker,
then I've got to learn how to slow my roll
and be okay with that.
Because everything else he's got.
So, I don't know.
That's just the advice.
Hopefully that helped a lot of you guys.
Yeah, can I follow up a question?
Oh, sorry.
So, we already have it scheduled for Thursday.
Should I be like, hey, I was thinking.
Bring a deck of cards.
Bring Uno.
Bring something.
Bring Scattergories.
Bring Yahtzee.
Bring a backgammon game.
Try to find, go to like the store.
Try to find a silly game.
Oh, I have kids.
We have cards.
Oh, then you got it.
Like apples to apples.
Like literally just say, you know what?
I just thought I would make it fun.
How do you feel about that?
Like I've got to.
I love that.
So, just where you can be spontaneous
and you might go, oh, phew.
Like, great.
Yeah.
It's like, there's a lot.
All right, Mel.
So good.
Thank you.
Okay, I may not pronounce your name correctly.
So, is it Machanda?
Tell me how you pronounce your name.
It's Machanda.
Machanda.
All right, I'm going to get it the next time.
Machanda, that's beautiful.
Okay.
What you got, girl?
So, I have a question.
I've been in group two or phase two for a couple of weeks,
but gave myself some time before reactivating online dating
because, you know, I show up a lot better in person.
I don't enjoy online dating
and having distraction tendencies,
it distracts me completely.
But I activated Facebook again and Hinge.
But I met this guy on Bumble
and all of a sudden I got an email or a text message
from him and it was interesting
because he was like, good evening.
And I was just like, hi there or whatever.
He was like, do you have time for wine this evening?
Well, you didn't even ask me to reconnect,
but you're steadily wanting to like get back connected.
He's a man of means.
And so he's used to women perhaps doing what he says
at the drop of a dime.
And so I responded and I wanted to see if my response,
because sometimes I can be very direct and to the point
and not soft dropping anything.
No, I can't do anything.
I can just be very direct.
Yeah, so we're like spirit sisters.
I got you.
Right.
And so I just like, look.
So tell me what you, do you have a copy
of what you said back?
Do you guys want a little quick transcript?
Cause I want it.
I want to see how much you sliced it on him.
Good, I'll just say that.
So he was like, good evening, Meshonda.
I said, hi there, what's good?
He said, life got time for wine this evening.
So I'm responding to his life is good.
I said, good to hear.
Unfortunately I don't, but if you want to connect
perhaps we can plan something that works both
for both of our schedules.
He says, how about Wednesday?
Which is today evening at 6 p.m.
I was like, actually I'm committed that evening.
Well, yeah, Wednesday.
I was like, actually I'm committed that evening
which is tomorrow, but I don't want to be presumptuous
but what's the meeting for?
Cause I haven't talked to him.
You said that to him?
I did, is that wrong?
No, I mean, I will say this.
I'm not a texter for clarity.
That's a conversation I would have verbally.
I'm a big fan of, you just don't know how that tone
and inflection is going to land.
Cause everything you've said so far sounded really great.
Here's what I would have said the second
he, you couldn't do Wednesday.
He's now asked you for two different times
and you weren't available for both of them.
So if you didn't want to know his why
it really was on you to give an alternative.
Hey, I can't do Wednesday, but how's Thursday at noon?
You know, I've got time.
Let's just do coffee first or something like that.
He's asked you twice.
You said twice.
So if you really wanted to see him
it was on you to give a third option, but you did ask
and just, and here's how you could, again
if you're going to text it, you could have said, hey
I know this might come out wrong.
So please forgive me.
Are you looking to just connect as friends?
Are you thinking, you know, like give me a little bit more
just, just, can you give me a little bit?
I'm just curious.
Let's go back to that.
I'm curious.
Can you be a little bit more clear on your intention?
You're right.
I could have done that, but I think there's history.
And I was just like, I just wanted to cut straight to him.
Like, I don't want to waste my time.
If, if, so he said you crossed my mind
and I missed your company.
No pressure.
He went out twice.
Oh, found out what happened is on Facebook.
I can't move past him because he's liked my picture already.
Yeah. You have to either say yes or no.
That's the only thing I don't like about Facebook.
You can't kind of be like, eh, I haven't decided yet.
You have to make a decision.
I mean, so here's what I offer to do
when I'm not sure how much I want to invest in somebody.
I don't pick an evening thing where there's no end in sight.
I just say, I really don't have time
for drinks this week at night,
but I do have time for a quick coffee break
in the afternoon or at lunch.
Would you be open for that?
The fact that you haven't heard from him
and he just missed you and it was Valentine's Day
and he wanted to do drinks that night.
It's not quite a booty call,
but it kind of is not pursuing you.
He might just be lonely.
And the question is how much you'd be open
to seeing him again?
I guess that's my first,
I should have asked you that first.
All things considered, are you curious
and do you want to see him again?
I don't know.
Like I'm asking the Lord, I'm like,
look, is this a distraction?
Cause you know how we've been taught
like sometimes distractions come
and I'm just not in a season where I want distractions.
Yeah.
I don't want to be thrown off by distractions
or have my vision tainted.
So how, if I'm on the fence about somebody like that,
but I'm willing to be curious and hold space for it,
I will pick a day and a time
where I have a very tight time limit.
Like, hey, you know, I can definitely do Wednesday,
Thursday or Friday, but I really only have an hour.
I have a really full week this week,
but I'd sure I'd love to catch up with you.
And then if he says, well, no,
let's wait till we can do drinks.
And then he's not willing to accommodate you.
Like you guys, a gentleman, you know,
Bethany just put up a great post today.
Go take a look at it.
Redefining masculine, mature and marriage-minded.
If he's a good guy, he's going to bow to your parameter,
not the other way around.
Cause I was like talking to this guy last night
who I was actually hanging out with
and he made a comment about my height.
And he said, y'all, he's really tall and I'm really short.
So it's kind of funny.
Like all the tall girls are going to hate me
if I end up with this guy because his height
is getting wasted on four foot nothing.
And he made a comment and I backed away and he goes,
no, no, come closer.
I'm like, no.
And he goes, no, no, come closer.
I'm like, no, this is my boundary.
You are so tall.
You are so big.
Like, I'm just getting to know you.
I need some safety.
It's about my safety first, not yours.
And like, I was just really clear.
I just stood my ground.
And if he's a good man, he will honor your ground.
So that's my advice is if you are curious
and you're willing to hold space,
book it in a time that's safe for you and not distracting.
Okay, thank you.
Yeah, those were great, but those were great examples.
So you guys, you see how he like made two attempts
to meet up with her.
So she really wants to see him.
It's probably now on her to set the direction.
So now you can get kind of in control of that next visit
and it being a way that's safe for you.
That's super good.
Emily, I'm wondering when do we get access
to the single cities?
Just started FaceTune and haven't watched all the videos.
Technically, you should get access to single cities now
and single nation.
It should be that fast to get into your single city.
So you're gonna go over to your single city.
I forget where the post, it's in the guides.
It's somewhere in the guides.
And it lists all the single cities
that we have for you to join.
We are having a moderator's meeting this week
or next week about single cities.
So if you go to put your name in
and the moderator doesn't approve you right away,
it's not your fault.
It's just, we're trying to get clarity
because I think Jackie's moving
to only wanting the single city be for paying members.
And the problem is not all the moderators
have access to who's paying still or not.
So we have to like kind of figure out that kink.
So feel free to put your name into a single city
that's near your area and single nation,
but just be patient if you don't get approved right away
because we're just trying to figure out behind the scenes
how to make that super easy.
Some of the links aren't working.
Thank you for saying that.
Facebook is doing something really weird.
Some of the links aren't working,
but once you see the names of them,
you can just go into the search bar of regular Facebook
and like, I'm in Nashville.
So if you type in single city Nashville,
it's gonna come up.
So you don't actually need the link.
Once you know the name of the city
and the ones that we have,
you can actually just go ahead and look it up.
So that's a great little,
oh, good, Maria, we're captivating.
Oh, crap.
I think I need to hop off.
Dang it, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I just got a text message.
I have to hop off.
I'm so sorry.
Hold on, y'all.
Hopping off now.
Okay, all right, y'all, I have got 10 minutes.
I gotta hop off because Bethany has got to do
another meeting tonight.
We're on the same seat.
So I feel like I got a lot of your questions done.
I'm super sorry that I'm cutting it short.
I just, I wasn't paying attention.
She's like, go ahead and finish.
I feel like we got to a lot of questions.
So that's really good.
This is giving you guys a good excuse to come back next week
and us keep talking or put your questions in the chat.
And we will make sure that we get those answers to you,
but have a great week, you guys.
I think I got to everybody.
All right, you guys, this was so much fun.
I've missed doing this with you.
Have a great and God bless week, all right?
Talk to you later.