For the past 100 years we've been hearing about IQ, an intelligence quotient, which
has become a big part of the school system, educational system, because people are always
evaluating others based on IQ.
And that has to do with their intelligence, it has to do with really what you're born
with.
Very little has been said until the last 25 years or so with this idea of emotional quotient.
As a leader, leading both sometimes in business, in athletics, then as a pastor, missionary,
so many different situations that I've found myself in, I am always on the lookout for
men and women who are good in relationships, and that's EQ.
So the EQ factor is how good are you in communication, how good are you in understanding yourself
in relation to others, because leadership is largely about working with people toward
a vision, working with people toward a mission.
I think you could arguably define leadership as influence.
If I could think of the simplest word to describe leadership it would be influence.
Well influence comes through communication, influence comes through relationships with
people.
And so one of the biggest struggles that a lot of leaders have, and maybe a lot of you
out there in whatever endeavor you're involved in, is how to get along with people.
I mean I've heard people say, man being a pastor would be easy if it wasn't for the
people.
I've heard people say, well my business would be going great if it wasn't for my staff.
So the relationship with people is always the hardest thing, that's the hardest thing
to build, it's also the easiest thing to lose.
And I've found that one outburst of anger can ruin years of good relationships.
And so anger can be a problem in your EQ.
It could be that lack of discipline in our own life can hamper EQ.
It could be that there's issues in your life because of shame that disable you from getting
close to people.
Well I'm going to cover that later, I'm not going to cover that today about some of the
factors that hurt EQ.
But what I want to do today is just talk about what EQ is and how healthy it is.
How healthy it is to have a good solid EQ.
But let me begin with a definition, I want to give you a definition of the EQ factor.
What is EQ?
EQ is emotional intelligence.
And it's the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways
to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges,
and defuse conflict.
That's a pretty big definition, I'm going to say it a little bit faster this time, but
emotional quotient is emotional intelligence.
And it's the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways
to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges,
and defuse conflict.
Having a strong EQ enables you to work with different types of people.
And whether we're managing something, whether we're just a father or mother working with
a large family or with siblings in our own family, whether we're at a mid-level or high-level
job, whatever it is, you're always going to be working with people.
Even the IT guy who stays at home and works there, there's going to be, with their company,
some kind of communication with people.
So this is just the way life is.
Life is about relationships.
It was Brene Brown that said, we are wired for connection.
So that is so true.
We're all wired for connection.
We long for that.
And it's a big problem in our society when we can't get along.
I mean, if you look at the political landscape right now in our country, it is just wrapped
with division.
And it's largely because one particular candidate is completely disparaging of another candidate.
That candidate is disparaging of the other candidate because they were disparaging to
them.
And so the lack of unity within the political landscape is largely because, and I'm going
to go out on a limb here, but I think it's actually true historically.
Most of your politicians do not have a high EQ factor.
They're probably pretty intelligent.
They're fairly driven.
They're definitely ambitious.
And they've probably built companies and jobs based on a product that they have.
But most of our politicians aren't probably great at EQ, but yet it's the key to everything
in life.
EQ will empower you in four ways.
I wanna give you four ways where EQ is so important.
Number one is self-management.
You're able to control impulsive feelings and behaviors,
manage your emotions in healthy ways,
take the initiative, follow through on the commitments
that you make, and adapt to changing circumstances.
That's a mouthful.
If you can't manage yourself,
you're not gonna do very well in managing others.
Matter of fact, I would say that the number one factor
in good leadership is being able to lead yourself first.
So if you can't lead yourself,
if you can't manage yourself,
your EQ is not gonna be up to the potential
that it could be.
Number two, self-awareness.
You recognize your own emotions
and how they affect your thoughts and behavior.
You know your strengths and weaknesses,
and yet you have self-confidence.
So first is self-management, but second is self-awareness.
How many of us have known people
that are incredibly intelligent, phenomenally gifted,
marvelous in maybe working a room with other people,
but yet they've got these glaring blind areas,
blind spots in their life that everybody can see but them.
When I talk about EQ factor,
I'm not just talking about self-management
as it relates to leading others,
but I'm also talking about self-awareness
in leading yourself and the importance
of being able to know your blind spots.
A lot of companies at the end of the year
do these things called 360s.
And what a 360 is is where those who are working
with a particular leader have the chance,
usually anonymously, to evaluate strengths
and weaknesses of that leader.
It's really, really disconcerting.
And it's very challenging to go through those
because you hear some things you don't wanna hear.
And the reason you hear things you don't wanna hear
is because usually the leader has blind spots.
And we all have blind spots,
but don't we wanna grow in that?
I know I do, I hope you do,
because who wants to keep making the same mistakes
year after year, decade after decade,
because A, nobody has the boldness
to tell us our blind spot areas,
or they have been bold enough to tell us,
but we don't wanna hear it, so we don't change.
So I'm talking about a high EQ being self-aware.
That means you realize I've got these weaknesses.
And I think that can be so positive in our lives
if we start working on that.
Like in the new year, let me give you an example.
In my life, for the new year, I said as one of my goals
that I would have as much conflict resolution
with people as necessary.
So what I meant by that is I wasn't gonna avoid conflict.
I was gonna go after it.
And so it's been really good.
I've had probably twice to three times
as many conflict resolution situations
because that's my prayer.
I wanna grow in that.
Conflict is not my gig, man.
I don't like conflict.
And in the past, I've sort of avoided it,
and to my own peril.
I mean, it can be a real problem
if you can't deal with conflict.
So when I see things now that are happening,
I feel like it's my responsibility as a leader
and a follower of Jesus and a friend,
because most of the time it's dealing with relationships
that I have that are my friends,
to just not call out,
I'm not even gonna use the word confront,
but more like clarify.
I think clarifying is a better word than confronting.
To say I wanna clarify, I know you didn't mean this,
but, and then we start talking through
what we call here at the road, at our church,
at Covenant of Harmony,
start working through those areas
that they have blind spots in,
and that I help them, I guide them, I equip them,
and empowering them to be the best person that they can be.
So that's actually one of my goals.
So one thing you might think about
is setting goals in your life based around your weakness.
What are some of the big weaknesses of your life
that are hindering EQ that you should just say,
Lord, I'm giving this to you.
Give me a lot of opportunities in my weakness
so I can grow and have a higher EQ.
So the first was self-management.
The second was self-awareness.
Thirdly, social awareness, social awareness.
To have empathy, to understand the emotions,
needs, and concerns of other people.
To pick up on emotional cues,
feel comfortable socially,
and recognize the power dynamics in a group organization.
So what I'm speaking of here is being around people,
being around a team,
and your ability to pick up what's happening in that room,
to pick up from people their social cues.
because people get people go through
loneliness. People go through
depression. People get excited about
certain things. And I think as a
leader, EQ, a high
EQ is the ability
to recognize what's
happening in someone's life without
having to just ask them all these
questions. But you just begin to
sense that because you've got a high
EQ to be able to help
guide them and love them.
And because sometimes, you know,
being a straightforward
visionary is not what people need.
What they need is an arm around the
shoulder to say you're doing a great
job. Appreciate what you're doing.
And they don't need another
task.
They actually need encouragement.
Well, how do you know that?
Well, that's by developing social
awareness. And that honestly,
that's the only way that happens is
by doing it. You just have to be in
it. Make some mistakes.
Make a lot of mistakes, actually,
because people are are
sometimes hard to judge.
They really are. Some people cloak
themselves so well
in hiding and posing
that it's hard to figure out.
So fourthly, the last
one I would say on EQ
is relationship management.
Relationship management.
You know how to develop and maintain
good relationships.
Communicate clearly.
Inspire and influence
others. Work well in
a team and manage conflict.
So taking a team
with a lot of different
personalities, a lot of different
backgrounds,
and to mold that team, be in
relationship with that team, clearly
communicate where you're going, what
the vision for the team is,
then realize that
and this is true, the bigger the team
gets, even becomes more true.
But as a team gets larger,
you're going to have some people that
say they're on your
team.
They say they like your
vision.
They say we're
going in the same direction.
But continually you begin to pick
up. That's really
not true. They're only there because
of the paycheck.
They're only there because
they couldn't find any other job.
And so there's just not that
passion.
There's not that wholehearted
commitment to what you're doing.
And so you're going to have to come
alongside and explain
and then work through
the conflict of whether this is
a good fit for that person on your
team. Well, that's all EQ.
That's what I mean by relationship
management.
So it's not just leadership.
It's also managing the
relationship on the team.
This same true in marriage.
Every one of these are important in
a marriage. So if you're married,
you know that
if one of you is not very high
on the EQ factor
that you're going to probably have a
lot of struggles in your marriage.
But if both of you are fairly
good at it, man, you have so much
better of a chance of having a
happy, joyful kingdom of God
type marriage.
Hope that's helpful to you in the
next episode.
I want to talk about why
EQ is so healthy.
EQ is actually healthy for you.
It's developing your EQ.
I'm going to go out on a limb here,
but I think developing your EQ
is actually more important than just
your IQ. IQ is important.
Don't hear me say that.
But there's there's not a lot
you can do. You keep growing your IQ
by reading and study for sure.
But EQ is actually more important
in my opinion. So I'll explain that
in the next episode.
Thank you.