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So we're talking about four reasons to build healthy relationships at home and at work

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under the rubric of growing your EQ factor, and that's the emotional quotient of your life.

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What I shared earlier was that your emotional quotient can be, I gave a definition. Here's

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my definition is emotional intelligence or emotional EQ is the ability to understand,

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use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively,

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empathize with others, overcome challenges, and defuse conflict. And then I shared that having a

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high and growing EQ will empower you in self-management, self-awareness, social awareness,

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and relationship management. Today I'm talking about the benefits and the value that comes

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with a high IQ at home and at work. That relationships really matter. That as you're

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becoming better and skilled at having good relationships, everything else in your life's

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going to go better. And the first thing I said in the last episode was healthy relationships

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make you healthy. Healthy relationships make you healthy. And I meant physically and emotionally

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and spiritually healthy. That people who have strong relationships, strong connection with

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others, tend to be healthier. They just don't get as sick as other people. They don't contract

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cancer as much as other people. Now, of course, everybody who contracts cancer doesn't mean they

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have a low EQ. I'm not saying that. But I am saying many of us who work hard at our relationships and

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try to build relationships, positive relationships, not negative relationships, socially healthy

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relationships, not isolational in our lifestyle, tend to be healthier. We just tend to be physically,

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emotionally, and spiritually healthier. Well, secondly, and listen to this. This is really

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important. A high IQ makes you courageous. It does. High IQ people are more courageous. They're

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more brave than those who don't have that. They did this interesting study a number of years ago

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at the University of Virginia where they took hikers and they had one group. It was just they

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had one group of people that were all individual hikers. They showed him a summit and they interviewed

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them and asked him, how long will it take you to summit this mountain? And they gave him a time,

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what they thought it would be. And they went through all these people that were individuals.

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Then they had another grouping. They were pairs. And so they interviewed a pair of hikers and they

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asked him the exact same question. How long will it take you to summit this peak? And in 75% of the

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cases, the pair believed and actually did summit the mountain 40% faster than the individual hikers.

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So what does that tell you? The study that they concluded with is that when we have each other,

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when we have a mutuality with others, when we're doing things together as a team, we do things

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faster, quicker, and we're more courageous in even our view of what we can do. This is why I think

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the sports, the teamwork sports, are so valuable in the life of a kid when he's growing up. To be

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in sports, to be in baseball, football, basketball, tennis, whatever it is. You say, well, tennis is an

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individual sport. Yeah, but it doubles tennis, isn't it? So much of that is so crucial in growing as a

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person in relationships. And I think it's also important, you know, when we're talking about

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dating before you marry someone, that's important that you know them. Is there a real good

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connection? Can you work through problems together? Because EQ in a marriage is so important. So

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secondly, healthy relationships make you courageous. Thirdly, healthy relationships or high EQ

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empowers you to reach your full potential. You are made to do life with others. That means that the

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more that you're doing life with others, the more you have the potential to reach. All that is in

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your God-given abilities. Sean Accor in his fantastic book, which I would encourage any of

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you to read called Big Potential, I quote him. He says, I believe that there's one main reason why

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we are seeing elevated rates of anxiety in our schools and unhappiness in the world. A crucial

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mistake that every major religious tradition and ancient philosopher warned us against.

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We've been trying to pursue happiness and success by ourselves in isolation,

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depending completely on ourselves for success in isolation through competition.

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This is what I call small potential, believing we have to do all this alone.

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We've been taught in our culture to strip others out of our formula for success and

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happiness.

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When you choose to be more grateful, more positive, that makes other people around you

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more grateful and more positive as well and this creates a virtuous cycle.

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The only way to achieve big potential in our lives is to transform the pursuit of happiness

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and success from a solitary one to an interconnected one.

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Love that.

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And Dr. Accor really gets it, that the interconnection that we have with others and their interconnection

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with us actually empowers us to reach our full potential.

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So instead of being in competition with people, kind of holding back what makes a success,

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to sharing, giving, loving others, giving away our secrets, letting others also find

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success has a interconnected, almost symbiotic relationship of their success actually influencing

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and empowering us with our success.

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So that's pretty exciting.

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It sounds a lot like the kingdom of God to me, that God wants us to be kingdom in our

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relationships.

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So reaching your full potential comes, your greatest chance of reaching your full potential

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comes through a high EQ, healthy relationships.

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And then fourthly and lastly, healthy relationships break the power of shame.

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All of us carry shame.

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All of us have stuff, situations, relationships that we don't want anybody to know about and

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it's those things that we hide, we play hide and seek within ourselves, we play hide and

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seek with others.

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We play hide and seek with just ourselves and that's what creates blind spots.

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But shame is a part of our lives and shame are those things that if people knew about

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us they would disconnect because they would have a lower view of us.

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And the reality is everybody's got shame and the quicker we can get over that and begin

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to share our shame with others through vulnerability, the quicker we can get healed.

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And Brene Brown has done the best work on this and any of her books relating to shame

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and vulnerability are awesome.

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I've read most of them.

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Brene Brown has said something very interesting.

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She says, vulnerability is super risky.

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It's the reason we don't do it because we're just afraid of it.

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And here's what she says.

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She describes vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.

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So here's what, here's the problem with walking in and living a life of vulnerability is you

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don't, you don't know what that person is going to do with the information that you

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give them.

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So it's always risky and it always sets you up for emotional exposure.

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But men and women, it's worth it.

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It's so worth it.

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And even if people betray you, you need to have enough relationships and a high enough

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EQ factor that you're still bolstered by the others that are for you.

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And of course, you'll learn to know where to share your shame and who to share your

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shame with.

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It's not for everybody, but for those that you feel like that you can trust.

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I want to challenge you to strengthen your personal relationships.

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EQ is huge.

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It's really important in your walk with God and in your walk in this world with people.

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And in the next episode, I'm going to talk about what some of those hindrances are.

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There's hindrances to developing your EQ.

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I'm going to talk about that in the next episode.

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But let me conclude with a toolkit.

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So here's four skills that I want to challenge you to get good at in your life in relation

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to EQ and how to develop your EQ.

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The first, number one, is a skill to work through conflict and create a win-win situation.

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A win-lose situation is where you win, they lose.

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That's that competitive side, the dark side of our personalities.

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And I'm saying you got to push through that into a mutuality and a win-win attitude so

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that when you're in conflict resolution, when you're talking to someone, there's a conflict,

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you're trying to pull out of them the best.

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What's the best thing in that person's life?

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It may not even be there yet.

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You don't see it very often, but you're trying to work through whatever's the current conflict

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in a win-win way where that person begins to realize that you're for them, that you

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love them, that you care about them, that you're kind and that your kindness gives them

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a desire to change.

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And it's the Bible.

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that says it's the kindness of the Lord that leads us to repentance, not the

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sternness of the Lord, but the kindness of the Lord. Well, we need kind people. We need

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people who are in a conflict and instead of just shoving, you know, your viewpoint

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down someone's throat, we actually have enough ownership of our own

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responsibility and help that person to want to change just as you want to

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change. Sometimes you have to model it before them, but you work through a

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conflict in a win-win way. Well, that's a skill to be developed and I don't have

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time to go over that right now, but there's plenty of seminars, I'm sure

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plenty of webinars you could go to on conflict resolution. Number two, in the

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toolkit of a high IQ, the skill to verbally encourage and empower others.

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Encourage you to become a good communicator verbally. You say, well, I

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don't, I'm not very good at that. Most people say that. Okay, well, let me tell

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you, one of the best things you can do is try to encourage someone every day.

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Some of the people here at the church, we just had a party, and so the

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first thing I wanted to know about the party was who made, who got the card, who

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made the cake, and all that, and then I personally thanked them for that

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because it was a party for me, but it really was a party for everybody that

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was there, and I wanted to encourage the people that did it. So learn to

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encourage and empower others. Number three, the skill to communicate love and

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kindness. The ability to communicate love and kindness. So instead of just assuming

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that that person feels love or assume that that person's okay, why not say it?

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Why not say loving things and kind things to that person? And then number

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four, the skill of building leaders around a common vision. So if you're a

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leader, a high IQ is the ability to develop other people in the group into

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leaders, but also lead them in a common vision, a common mission. So I hope this

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is helpful to you, and in the next episode, this is pretty important because

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in the next episode, I want to talk about obstacles to a high EQ, and there's a few

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of them. Some of them may seem to be insurmountable, but they're not. Take it

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from me, they're not. God can do anything in your life, and he can actually make

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you who you might consider yourself a pessimistic person, you might consider

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yourself more of an introvert. This has nothing to do with extrovert or

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introvert. This has to do with healthy relationships in your life. I want to

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talk about those obstacles, and I hope by identifying them, that's going to help

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you see breakthrough in your life to getting a high EQ.