WEBVTT

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you

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you

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you

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you

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you

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You

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Ginger

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Good evening everyone.

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Hello Hello. Good to see you

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all. It is eight o'clock we'll

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wait for a minute or so for

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everyone to join in and I have

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some cool things we're going to

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chat about. Hopefully some

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people are going to get in some

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love seats tonight. We're going

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to have some fun I hope you guys

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laugh a little bit too. We can

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be fun. You know dating isn't

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all scary and bad there's a lot

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of really funny things that

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happen and there's a lot of

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really fun stuff that happens in

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the midst of, you know, all the

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other things that we kind of

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have to deal with. So I'm going

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to share a little bit of that.

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It kind of just popped up in my

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mind. You know, I'll just share

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kind of like when I was on the

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apps. I really didn't want to go

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back on the apps. I had been in

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a relationship before I met

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someone on eHarmony and it did

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not go well, but I blew through

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all the red flags so that I had

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to take some responsibility for

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that. So I said I would never

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get back on the apps and at

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least not in a while. And so I

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go on the really it was

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mostly Facebook dating where I saw

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this and there were just like

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some crazy ones that if I'm being

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honest like wow, like

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okay. Yeah, we're never going to

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match like, you know, so I think

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sometimes y'all like I'm a

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pretty serious person, but I've

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really learned. I'm actually a pretty

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silly fun person when I

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feel safe around people and

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I've really learned more so

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over the last few years to

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just like laugh at myself a

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little bit, you know, laugh at the situation

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have fun with stuff, you

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know, I would have never said anything to

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those guys, but there were times that I was even

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kind of like to my best and

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y'all I'm like, I don't make fun of

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people. So don't take me the wrong way.

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I just there were a couple

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screenshots. I sent my best friend

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and I said, what do you think about this one?

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Now I was joking and then

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I sent ones that are I was being real about

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but I think this is where like

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you got to have fun with it a little

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bit because if you don't

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and again, I'm not saying belittle people

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or or really put people

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down like I didn't sit and, you know, make a long thing out of it, but, you know, it was just fun to

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in a position to

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make fun of people.

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I'm just saying

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kind of bring my, you know, my friend that has been married forever into that with me by kind

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don't make fun of people

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because if you don't

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and again, I'm not saying belittle

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people or or really put

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of just making it a little lighthearted and fun. And so sometimes we need to just enter the dating

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people in a position to

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make fun of people

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apps with that mindset. Yes, you're going to have to swipe on some people. Sometimes you're going to

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be swiping for a while, and then you're going to find one that you really like. And so just

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understand that, you know, on the dating apps, it's kind of hit or miss, and you're going to

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find a diamond in the rough on occasion, and sometimes you're going to find people you're

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not sure about. So I want to talk a little bit about my, the first person actually I got set up

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through the program with someone that was in 1822 at the time. I don't think he is anymore.

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And we never, you know, we really want to be careful to not share names because you never

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know. It might not be a yes for you. Like some of these guys I swiped and said, you know, to my

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friend, hey, what do you think? You know, well, that's someone else. Someone's going to really

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love that person, and that's going to be their person. So we want to be careful about that.

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But this gentleman was a very nice guy, very polite. We had some good conversation on Zoom.

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We got together and had a date in person, hung out. We, it was very nice. We had dinner. We

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went for a walk along this like river. But one of the things I found, and the reason I brought,

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wanted to bring this person up in particular, is that I kept feeling like, I don't know if

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he's fun enough for me. Like, I really wanted someone that would be fun, be funny, have a sense

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of humor, because I had been with people that didn't have any of those things in the past and

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didn't live in that space. And in this next season, I didn't want just see, now you all know,

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I mean, I love the Lord with everything in me, and I will serve the Lord until I die.

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But I also came out of a religious background, and so I didn't want to get into a situation,

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again, where they were very religious and could never have fun. Okay, so go on a couple of dates

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with this guy, and he treats me really nice, but there's no like, he didn't even like ask,

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could he hold my hand? And I'm not even saying I wanted him to, but like, there was no like,

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I could never figure out what was going on there. And so we went on another date, I think after that,

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but from there, he ended up saying he just wanted to be friends, which was totally fine. You know,

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of course, my feelings were a little hurt at that time, but then he wanted to keep

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connecting with me on Zoom. And I was like, well, I really appreciate your friendship,

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but I'm not looking to just be friends with guys and connect with guys on Zoom. I'm looking for my

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spirit mate, and I can't give you that space, because I need to have that space for whoever

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I meet. And at first, I think that took him, I think that took him back a little bit.

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And I wasn't mean about it or anything, but at the end of our conversation, you know, we

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agreed good terms, you know. But I want to bring that up, because I think that there are a lot of

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times where we can feel guilty and just say, yeah, let's just keep connecting, or we worry that we're

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not going to find anybody else. So we just keep connecting with these people on Zoom. But like,

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if we keep doing that, then we, it really holds us back from moving towards our spirit mate. And

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like I said, having the space and the capacity emotionally, mentally, physically for them.

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So I would love, if there's anybody that's currently in that kind of situation right now,

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or maybe you're not sure if you're in that situation, where the person might be trying

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to friend zone you or whatever, if you're willing to get into the love seat tonight,

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would love to talk that out a little bit with you. Melissa, are you saying yes,

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that you want to be in the love seat? Can't tell. Maybe she was just saying she's been in

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that situation. If anyone, oh, okay. That's okay. Is there anyone that is in this situation like

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that, or you're just not sure where things are at in the relationship, the dating relationship

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you're in and you want to talk through that tonight? No one? Okay. So Melissa, you can go

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in. You can, I need to find you now. If you can raise your hand, I can find you a lot quicker.

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All right. Awesome. And then I saw Terry said something too and Rochelle. Okay. So

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i'm going to pin some Melissa can everybody see Melissa.

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awesome okay go ahead and unmute Melissa and let's kind of hear what's going on.

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Okay sorry i'm finishing up my day at work so you're gonna have to look at me and my scrubs.

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I think many of y'all have seen my little dilemma on.

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i'm a group post and all that but i've.

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been seeing a guy for like three weeks he's long distance.

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i've traveled there twice because he has a young child my kids are all adults.

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This last time that I went to visit him I literally had a panic attack.

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The second second day because he pays for everything like for me to stay in hotels and that kind of stuff very respectful, we have a blast together it's very easy to be around him.

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Easy conversations, the only drawback I have is I haven't seen a deeper side of him as far as like spirituality goes that kind of thing.

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He is a believer we've.

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beginning.

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But I guess I don't know if i'm looking for something a little more.

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i'm not in your face, but you know just more fluent in his life and more to be more conversational about it to be more practicing and actually making me see.

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He has a master's in eschatology all of that kind of stuff, but you know my thing is, you can be a theologian all you want, but to have a relationship with the Lord is more important to me.

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So how many you guys have had how many dates in person to.

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So because we're long distance and I stay there, then it's it ends up being like a two or three in the same weekend.

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Okay, so you've had multiple dates.

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Okay, so this is good, so I think just from even listening to jackie's last asked jackie she talks about this a little bit in there when when you are seeing someone that's long distance and you're traveling to see them.

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Most times you're going to have more serious conversations on the front end so definitely I would, I would encourage you to start asking him like just.

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What is it that he believes or what is he envisioned for his relationship with the Lord going forward, one of the questions I asked on Brian via text.

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Just to kind of find out from my perspective I didn't want to come at it super religious, but I wanted to get an idea of what is his relationship with the Lord look like.

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So I just asked him what would, if you had a day to spend with Jesus just you and Jesus, what would that look like for you.

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that's good.

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You know, and and hopefully when people you know they get that kind of question some people might get nervous you never know different people handle it differently.

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But you'll you'll find out more about them if they do get nervous you can find out why does that make you know if they start to act out of you know the ordinary you can ask more like deeper questions.

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But I think that's a good opening versus hey do you just go to church, because if you're really wanting to know about their relationship with Jesus.

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That's a fun way to just kind of open that door up and if they don't know how to answer, they might say i'm not sure how to answer that.

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So you might want to have a follow up kind of in your pocket that might be a little bit different, but still kind of fun I I did a lot of Google searches for fun questions.

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that might be a little bit different, but still kind of fun I I did a lot of Google searches for fun questions.

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about all kinds of stuff like I wanted the conversations to be upbeat to be light hearted, but also at times I would pull out the serious ones and.

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And then even the guys that like when I was dating and talking to Brian like I encouraged him to to do the same thing.

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hey when we get together tonight come with it like some questions that you want to ask me like things you want to know about me.

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And that really that really us conversational wise and it kept it fun on both sides, but I would definitely encourage you at this point to to start having those conversations, because that does matter to you.

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And it's important for you to know you know if you guys are running at the same pace with the Lord is the way that I have learned to look at it.

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Okay yeah yeah.

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Thank you for.

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yeah my pleasure, we look forward to hearing how it goes.

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Keep me to we're supposed to have a conversation tonight because, like I said, I had a panic attack and I literally was like I gotta go by and I drove.

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Okay, so be sure we're not in hard work tonight, but be sure you lean into that as well.

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yeah absolutely.

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awesome thanks for sharing Rochelle how about you.

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hey.

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Um, thank you for doing this.

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Um, it's actually, I have not actually met this guy.

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We've, um, talked a little bit last fall when I was online dating before I kind

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of took a step back to finish doing some things in some, uh, in my life to get

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things to where I needed them to be before I could step into that.

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I felt like I've already done the hard work, um, last year and, um, this year

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he's reached out, reached out to me once or twice, probably more like four or

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five times over the last six months, just to chat here and there, but just

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recently he made it clear he was interested again and so, um, and she

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was interested if I was ready and interested in getting to know him.

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And so we've had a few good conversations again, kind

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of re getting to know each other.

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Um, the challenge that I have is I'm not sure when I do talk to him, I'm

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not sure if I'm getting where he sees his life going with the Lord.

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Does that make sense?

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Like he wants to get a dad, he wants to be in the church, get

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married and have children.

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That's something, but it doesn't like there's any more of a plan.

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For his purpose, for his life, like his passion, if it makes any sense.

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Um, other than to be a good Christian.

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And that for me worries me a little bit personally.

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Um, cause I feel like he doesn't have much direction, like what is really

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going for, what kind of home he wants to have in ministry and we have.

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Sorry.

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Did you say that you guys have been on a date or you haven't met it?

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We've not met.

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We've only talked, we assumed, um, FaceTimed, um, and talked to

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text and voice messenger too.

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Okay.

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So are you guys spending a lot of time on zoom and phone, but

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you're not meeting in person?

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No, we aren't.

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We met, we talked probably about two or three weeks, um, in the fall.

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Um, and this is before I fully understood that I kind of needed to, you know, we

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went, we eventually did a zoom a few times, but then we haven't talked for like

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six months consistently or anything like that.

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So we just picked it up a week ago, a week or so ago.

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Um, and I'm just trying to figure out what I need to do to kind of.

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I'm, I'm not like drawn to him either, but I don't want that to be my reason for

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not going forward and getting to know him.

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If that makes sense.

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I'm not like a pulled lamb, but I'm just not like, wow, I'd really like to get

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to know this guy, if that makes any sense.

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Yeah.

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Some people just are not, and I'm not saying this is for everyone.

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You all, some people just are not good on camera.

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Um, I would drop the hanky and say, you know, there's some things I would

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really love to have, you know, some more in-depth conversations with you.

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Would you be willing to get together in person?

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See what he says.

223
00:17:25.720 --> 00:17:28.920
I mean, I, you know, I don't think it's like Jackie said, I don't think we have

224
00:17:28.920 --> 00:17:31.920
to always wait for the guys cause they're just as nervous as we are.

225
00:17:31.920 --> 00:17:32.400
You all.

226
00:17:32.680 --> 00:17:35.400
So dropping the hanky, like that's what I did with Brian.

227
00:17:35.680 --> 00:17:38.760
He wanted to know, um, what my deal breakers were.

228
00:17:39.160 --> 00:17:43.960
And I remember like, oh my gosh, to my, my back then we had the smaller bridal

229
00:17:43.960 --> 00:17:47.080
parties and I said to my group, like, what do I do?

230
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And Jackie said, tell him your deal breaker about the Lord.

231
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Like you will not like the person has to love Jesus.

232
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And then she said, and then say, like, if you want to know my additional

233
00:17:59.120 --> 00:18:01.480
deal breakers, you know, let's jump on video.

234
00:18:01.520 --> 00:18:03.560
Well, I decided not to see that.

235
00:18:03.560 --> 00:18:06.120
I said, if you want to know my additional deal breakers, like

236
00:18:06.160 --> 00:18:07.800
we can get together sometime.

237
00:18:08.240 --> 00:18:10.360
And so he was like, how about this Sunday?

238
00:18:10.520 --> 00:18:14.880
And so we ended up getting together that Sunday and it was great.

239
00:18:14.960 --> 00:18:19.360
We had really awesome conversations and I got to know a lot about him.

240
00:18:19.360 --> 00:18:20.720
He got to know a lot about me.

241
00:18:21.120 --> 00:18:25.200
Um, that was the time, um, you know, I was living in a different state from him.

242
00:18:25.200 --> 00:18:30.000
So he drove four hours to have coffee with me all to just have coffee.

243
00:18:30.560 --> 00:18:32.640
He, uh, drove that time.

244
00:18:32.640 --> 00:18:37.280
We had, uh, we probably sat there two or three hours and talked, and then he

245
00:18:37.280 --> 00:18:40.080
drove four hours back to Indiana afterwards.

246
00:18:40.560 --> 00:18:43.520
Uh, now he could have chosen to stay in a hotel, but you know, these are the

247
00:18:43.520 --> 00:18:47.760
kinds of things, like if you drop the hanky and he doesn't catch on, you might,

248
00:18:47.840 --> 00:18:50.600
you might want to just kind of put feelers out in other places.

249
00:18:50.600 --> 00:18:53.760
Is there anyone else you can meet and kind of, you want to practice

250
00:18:53.760 --> 00:18:55.960
dating a little bit too, you know?

251
00:18:57.080 --> 00:18:58.000
Let me ask you this.

252
00:18:58.000 --> 00:18:58.760
That's great advice.

253
00:18:58.800 --> 00:19:03.480
Um, I, I, I, um, wonder what his response would be because literally just the other

254
00:19:03.480 --> 00:19:06.920
day he made a call because we were talking back and forth and he's like, well, I'm

255
00:19:06.920 --> 00:19:10.360
just kind of curious why, you know, you're, you know, you know, communicating

256
00:19:10.360 --> 00:19:13.760
more with me now and like, I left him a message saying, you know, thank you for

257
00:19:13.760 --> 00:19:16.800
letting me know that you're interested again, it was kind of like confusing.

258
00:19:16.800 --> 00:19:20.320
Like, well, I mean, obviously I'm ready to start getting to date again.

259
00:19:20.320 --> 00:19:23.080
Cause I explained to him when I stopped talking to him after two, three weeks in

260
00:19:23.080 --> 00:19:26.280
the fall, I was just taking a break for a little while and not saying no, never.

261
00:19:26.280 --> 00:19:27.040
Just not right now.

262
00:19:27.040 --> 00:19:28.360
I just was very clear up front.

263
00:19:28.880 --> 00:19:31.800
And so this past time when he left a message, it was like, well, I'm just

264
00:19:31.800 --> 00:19:35.120
kind of curious, like, you know, why are you, you know, what's made you ready?

265
00:19:35.120 --> 00:19:37.440
And he's like, in the distance you're four hours away.

266
00:19:37.800 --> 00:19:40.760
I'm not really crazy about a long distance relationship, but, you know,

267
00:19:41.160 --> 00:19:45.240
I mean, it could work, but, and I was just like, then why are you messaging?

268
00:19:45.280 --> 00:19:46.560
I was a little confused by that.

269
00:19:46.560 --> 00:19:50.240
So I'm just like, that was another thing that was like, like a, almost like adult,

270
00:19:50.240 --> 00:19:53.280
you know, like a bait and switch, like, oh, I'm interested in you, but the

271
00:19:53.280 --> 00:19:55.440
distances I'm like, well, I don't even know you do it.

272
00:19:55.440 --> 00:19:56.280
I'm not going anywhere.

273
00:19:56.280 --> 00:20:00.000
So, you know, until we figure out where this is going on its potential.

274
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.380
I mean, I would, I would think at this point, just ask him, you know, like I

275
00:20:04.380 --> 00:20:09.180
said, drop the hanky if he doesn't pick that up, it's probably, maybe you just

276
00:20:09.180 --> 00:20:12.540
need to like, say, Hey, if you don't think this is something you're interested

277
00:20:12.540 --> 00:20:16.440
in because I'm long distance, you know, bless him in the Lord, like, don't feel

278
00:20:16.440 --> 00:20:20.940
like, I think the biggest thing that I learned from, from my process is like,

279
00:20:21.800 --> 00:20:25.140
We want to give people a chance, but there's this balance there.

280
00:20:25.140 --> 00:20:29.580
We don't want to keep like trying to make something work that isn't working.

281
00:20:29.960 --> 00:20:31.580
So I'll give an example.

282
00:20:31.840 --> 00:20:36.160
There was a guy, um, one of the guys that I went on a date with, um,

283
00:20:36.880 --> 00:20:38.700
he was kind of a nice guy.

284
00:20:38.940 --> 00:20:42.820
I liked that he was into dancing and all this stuff, but as I was

285
00:20:42.900 --> 00:20:44.580
hearing him talk about his life.

286
00:20:45.660 --> 00:20:49.280
And I, and when I say this, I know sometimes there's just situations

287
00:20:49.280 --> 00:20:50.640
that are out of people's control.

288
00:20:51.080 --> 00:20:53.820
Um, so I don't fault him for this, but he was in the midst of this

289
00:20:53.820 --> 00:20:55.680
really ugly custody battle.

290
00:20:56.240 --> 00:21:01.320
And the, my prior history, I was married to someone that had massive

291
00:21:01.320 --> 00:21:06.640
custody battle issue issues and really crazy ex, and then dated the girl's dad,

292
00:21:06.640 --> 00:21:10.240
my spiritual daughters, their dad, and he always had drama.

293
00:21:10.240 --> 00:21:13.880
And so I was kind of like, Oh, I don't know if I want to invite

294
00:21:13.880 --> 00:21:15.340
that kind of back in my life.

295
00:21:15.960 --> 00:21:19.840
And, um, but there were things that intrigued me about him.

296
00:21:20.660 --> 00:21:23.120
And so I kind of did the same thing with him.

297
00:21:23.120 --> 00:21:26.960
And, uh, he lived about an hour and a half away and he

298
00:21:26.960 --> 00:21:29.080
drove to have a date with me.

299
00:21:29.360 --> 00:21:29.960
It was okay.

300
00:21:29.960 --> 00:21:35.200
We went on a walk, we hung out, we had lunch, uh, he paid for my lunch, but

301
00:21:35.240 --> 00:21:39.040
you know, I wasn't really feeling anything with this, this young guy.

302
00:21:39.440 --> 00:21:43.680
Um, I mean, he wasn't crazy younger than me, but he was a little bit younger and

303
00:21:43.680 --> 00:21:46.760
he just seemed a little immature for me.

304
00:21:47.200 --> 00:21:50.640
And so I think that's where, like, when you get around people, we don't

305
00:21:50.640 --> 00:21:52.720
have to make everybody fit.

306
00:21:53.560 --> 00:21:58.360
Um, and, and I just kind of knew after that day, like it felt hard.

307
00:21:58.400 --> 00:22:01.480
Like it felt like we were trying to make conversation happen.

308
00:22:01.480 --> 00:22:03.040
It didn't feel like it flowed.

309
00:22:03.680 --> 00:22:08.560
Um, and so I just, you know, after that, let him know, like, I really

310
00:22:08.560 --> 00:22:11.960
appreciated, you know, that date and, uh, and all that.

311
00:22:12.160 --> 00:22:14.200
And at first he got really offended.

312
00:22:14.440 --> 00:22:18.720
Um, but I just was like, look, I'm, I'm trying to be really nice and about this.

313
00:22:19.440 --> 00:22:20.720
I'm not saying there's something wrong with you.

314
00:22:20.720 --> 00:22:24.680
I'm just saying, I don't feel like we're a good fit, you know,

315
00:22:24.680 --> 00:22:26.080
at this season in our lives.

316
00:22:26.880 --> 00:22:29.720
And then he was good with things and then, you know, went on the way.

317
00:22:30.000 --> 00:22:34.880
And I bring that up because again, I think I could have like held on to that

318
00:22:34.880 --> 00:22:40.320
guy because I, you know, we, we get into these panic modes sometimes, but then

319
00:22:40.320 --> 00:22:45.480
if we don't release that stuff, we can't go on to find who our spirit mate is.

320
00:22:46.360 --> 00:22:47.960
So really be in prayer too.

321
00:22:48.000 --> 00:22:49.880
I guess is why I'm saying that be in prayer.

322
00:22:50.160 --> 00:22:55.120
Ask the Lord, you know, is this, is this guy someone I should keep trying to make

323
00:22:55.120 --> 00:22:58.560
something work out with, to have the conversation with him, drop that

324
00:22:58.560 --> 00:23:00.560
hanky and see what happens.

325
00:23:01.240 --> 00:23:01.600
Okay.

326
00:23:01.680 --> 00:23:02.160
Thank you.

327
00:23:02.520 --> 00:23:03.240
You're welcome.

328
00:23:03.320 --> 00:23:03.760
Yeah.

329
00:23:04.440 --> 00:23:05.080
Hey Laura.

330
00:23:08.480 --> 00:23:08.960
Hello.

331
00:23:08.960 --> 00:23:09.480
I'm sorry.

332
00:23:09.480 --> 00:23:10.240
I'm driving.

333
00:23:10.240 --> 00:23:11.840
So that's camera on.

334
00:23:12.560 --> 00:23:15.480
Um, so I, I do have a question.

335
00:23:15.480 --> 00:23:19.200
I guess it almost feels like a little bit of a, of a situation maybe.

336
00:23:19.640 --> 00:23:22.400
Um, I've been hanging out with one man.

337
00:23:22.400 --> 00:23:27.920
We went out a bunch last weekend and it's just been clear, you know, he's

338
00:23:27.920 --> 00:23:31.640
thought it's been clear to me anyway, that he has a lot of hurt.

339
00:23:32.280 --> 00:23:39.120
Um, he, you know, does a lot of hard work and programs and he's very

340
00:23:39.120 --> 00:23:44.680
interested in talking and being vulnerable, um, which I resisted, um,

341
00:23:44.680 --> 00:23:49.240
kind of initially, and I did decide that I just needed to, you know, go ahead

342
00:23:49.240 --> 00:23:53.240
and have some vulnerable conversations and let him know where I was.

343
00:23:53.840 --> 00:23:56.560
Um, and that was all well and good.

344
00:23:57.080 --> 00:24:01.040
I was feeling a little bit though, like I was getting a little bit of attachments

345
00:24:01.040 --> 00:24:05.360
and some maybe like anxious types of things because I did a little bit of

346
00:24:05.360 --> 00:24:08.240
attraction and he like checks off a lot of the boxes.

347
00:24:08.920 --> 00:24:13.480
Um, I'm not really sure he's ready or even if he is ready, that it wouldn't be

348
00:24:13.480 --> 00:24:15.840
more codependent instead of like a joyful thing.

349
00:24:16.480 --> 00:24:21.560
Um, so anyway, I belong to, and one of the things he's taught has talked about

350
00:24:21.560 --> 00:24:24.760
was how he just doesn't really have his community right now.

351
00:24:25.160 --> 00:24:29.480
He was part of a very large church that had a very kind of traumatic scandal.

352
00:24:30.120 --> 00:24:34.120
Um, and he's very close to leadership, uh, a few years, years back.

353
00:24:34.800 --> 00:24:40.920
So one of my thought processes is almost maybe kind of friend zone this guy and

354
00:24:40.920 --> 00:24:42.640
invite him into my community.

355
00:24:42.760 --> 00:24:46.800
Um, but I'm not entirely sure I'll be terribly comfortable.

356
00:24:47.360 --> 00:24:53.200
On the other hand, I don't know, I guess I just want to care more about maybe

357
00:24:53.200 --> 00:24:58.000
divine appointments and, and, you know, I don't, I don't know.

358
00:24:58.000 --> 00:24:59.760
I don't know if that's just a bad boundary.

359
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:12.700
So this is my, my initial thought is, you know, pretty much everybody's going to have

360
00:25:12.700 --> 00:25:13.700
a lot of hurt.

361
00:25:13.700 --> 00:25:17.500
And I'm not, I'm not like negating, you know, cause you're going to, the more you get to

362
00:25:17.500 --> 00:25:19.460
know him, you'll learn more about that.

363
00:25:19.460 --> 00:25:23.020
Cause there are some people where they just really stay in that place.

364
00:25:23.020 --> 00:25:27.460
Even if they've done a lot of hard work, I mean, a lot of you all even know, like you

365
00:25:27.460 --> 00:25:28.460
did a ton of work.

366
00:25:28.460 --> 00:25:33.100
I did a ton of work before I came into this supernatural heartwork program, but man, this

367
00:25:33.100 --> 00:25:34.860
thing changed my life.

368
00:25:34.860 --> 00:25:38.100
And so I think we could equate it to something like that as well.

369
00:25:38.100 --> 00:25:43.900
I mean, if he seems like a good guy, like how many days did you say you all have had?

370
00:25:43.900 --> 00:25:55.700
I've seen him, I've seen him in person four times and we've had one probably significant

371
00:25:55.700 --> 00:25:56.700
phone conversation.

372
00:25:57.700 --> 00:26:02.300
One of the dates was, I did post it out at my, my, my friend had a death in the family

373
00:26:02.300 --> 00:26:07.300
and we had concert tickets to the concert in Palm desert, which is about an hour and

374
00:26:07.300 --> 00:26:08.300
a half away.

375
00:26:08.300 --> 00:26:11.300
So we drove up there and we went and saw a concert and drove back.

376
00:26:11.300 --> 00:26:16.300
So it was, you know, it was a lot of time.

377
00:26:16.300 --> 00:26:18.300
That way, he's a, he's a good Christian man.

378
00:26:18.300 --> 00:26:22.300
You know, he has, you know, some, some assets, he's got some younger kids.

379
00:26:22.900 --> 00:26:27.900
I mean, I think he's kind of positioned in a lot of ways.

380
00:26:27.900 --> 00:26:35.900
I don't feel terribly afraid of, you know, I believe he'll get over the hurt.

381
00:26:35.900 --> 00:26:37.900
I just think that's where he is now.

382
00:26:37.900 --> 00:26:42.900
And I don't necessarily mean, I guess the friend zoning would be just more that I could

383
00:26:42.900 --> 00:26:46.900
take him into my community without feeling I was brushing a relationship.

384
00:26:47.500 --> 00:26:48.500
Well, so this is the thing.

385
00:26:53.500 --> 00:26:57.500
So this is the other thought I had is I don't think you need to be the problem solver for

386
00:26:57.500 --> 00:26:58.500
him.

387
00:26:58.500 --> 00:27:00.500
You don't need to solve his community problem.

388
00:27:00.500 --> 00:27:04.500
If you want to invite him into 1822, I think that's a great solution.

389
00:27:04.500 --> 00:27:07.500
That would be a great men's community to get him involved in.

390
00:27:07.500 --> 00:27:09.500
There's a lot of awesome guys over there.

391
00:27:09.500 --> 00:27:13.500
David's doing a great job, kind of, there's a lot of men going through heart work over

392
00:27:13.500 --> 00:27:14.500
there right now.

393
00:27:15.100 --> 00:27:19.100
So that would be my recommendation to you because then you get into fixer, kind of,

394
00:27:19.100 --> 00:27:22.100
not that I'm saying you're being a mom, but mom mode.

395
00:27:22.100 --> 00:27:24.100
Oh, I see that.

396
00:27:24.100 --> 00:27:26.100
Yeah, he doesn't need you to do that.

397
00:27:26.100 --> 00:27:27.100
Yeah, he doesn't need you to do that.

398
00:27:27.100 --> 00:27:31.100
He just wants to go on some dates with you and let's see where it goes from there.

399
00:27:31.100 --> 00:27:38.100
And then the other thought I had is that, you know, even when, you know, Brian and I

400
00:27:38.100 --> 00:27:41.100
got and decided we were going to be in a relationship together.

401
00:27:41.700 --> 00:27:44.700
I mean, y'all were never all the way healed, either one of us.

402
00:27:44.700 --> 00:27:50.700
And so even now, like we're both still healing, you know, different things happen

403
00:27:50.700 --> 00:27:51.700
and you're growing.

404
00:27:51.700 --> 00:27:58.700
And so I could have looked at some of the things he background he had and some of

405
00:27:58.700 --> 00:28:02.700
the things he went through and there was still some pain and some of his situations

406
00:28:02.700 --> 00:28:03.700
just like mine.

407
00:28:03.700 --> 00:28:08.700
And if I had judged him and got kind of like, well, no, I can't go forward with

408
00:28:09.300 --> 00:28:16.300
him because he's got these hurts, then I might not end up finding anyone.

409
00:28:16.300 --> 00:28:21.300
So again, I think learning the balance there, if he's very anxious and he has a

410
00:28:21.300 --> 00:28:27.300
lot of that regarding his past and his trauma, that is probably just he needs

411
00:28:27.300 --> 00:28:28.300
more healing.

412
00:28:28.300 --> 00:28:33.300
But that doesn't mean he wouldn't be like a good connection.

413
00:28:33.300 --> 00:28:36.300
We would need to know more to make that assessment.

414
00:28:36.900 --> 00:28:37.900
Right.

415
00:28:37.900 --> 00:28:40.900
Yeah, I think he has the potential to be a good connection.

416
00:28:40.900 --> 00:28:45.900
I think that part, it would just, you know, would have made it easier for me to

417
00:28:45.900 --> 00:28:49.900
kind of let him in closer proximity than I might otherwise.

418
00:28:49.900 --> 00:28:53.900
But I think you're saying, you know, I could send him to do the heart work.

419
00:28:53.900 --> 00:28:56.900
Or he can find his own direction.

420
00:28:56.900 --> 00:28:59.900
He can find his own direction because he's a grown man.

421
00:28:59.900 --> 00:29:03.900
I guess it feels a little like he's trying to tell me, you know, what he needs

422
00:29:03.900 --> 00:29:06.900
and pushing some of those conversations.

423
00:29:06.900 --> 00:29:12.900
But, you know, we'll have more time, I guess, to see what that is.

424
00:29:12.900 --> 00:29:13.900
Yeah.

425
00:29:13.900 --> 00:29:17.900
And sometimes the guys are just expressing what they're going through.

426
00:29:17.900 --> 00:29:23.900
But we interpret it as because we are fixers, we're helpers, and our stuff

427
00:29:23.900 --> 00:29:24.900
kind of goes off.

428
00:29:24.900 --> 00:29:25.900
How can we fix it?

429
00:29:25.900 --> 00:29:26.900
How can we help it?

430
00:29:26.900 --> 00:29:29.900
If he's specifically asking you for help, that's different.

431
00:29:29.900 --> 00:29:32.900
So maybe when you guys are talking about this stuff, also asking him some

432
00:29:32.900 --> 00:29:36.900
clarifying questions would be really good.

433
00:29:36.900 --> 00:29:41.900
You know, like, are you talking to me about this because you are asking for me

434
00:29:41.900 --> 00:29:43.900
to help you find community?

435
00:29:43.900 --> 00:29:48.900
And then you guys have it clarified versus guessing.

436
00:29:48.900 --> 00:29:49.900
Yeah.

437
00:29:49.900 --> 00:29:50.900
So good.

438
00:29:50.900 --> 00:29:51.900
Love this.

439
00:29:51.900 --> 00:29:52.900
Laura, all the ladies.

440
00:29:52.900 --> 00:29:54.900
Miriam, I'll come to you in just a minute.

441
00:29:54.900 --> 00:29:58.900
I'm going to bring another kind of concept up to see if anybody else can

442
00:29:58.900 --> 00:29:59.900
relate to this.

443
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:09.280
us. And we'll circle back for more loveseat people to jump in here. So on the note of when I met

444
00:30:09.280 --> 00:30:15.200
Brian, Brian, as I mentioned, was long distance. You know, we really found that it helped set the

445
00:30:15.200 --> 00:30:21.760
pace instead of being afraid of long distance. You know, we made intentional decisions on how

446
00:30:21.760 --> 00:30:30.400
we were planning visits when I came out to visit him. I forget who it was that mentioned when they

447
00:30:30.400 --> 00:30:37.760
went to visit how, maybe that was Melissa, how he paid for the hotels. Like, you know, not everyone's

448
00:30:37.760 --> 00:30:42.560
going to be able to do that. So like what Brian did is he went and stayed at his mother's house

449
00:30:42.560 --> 00:30:48.240
and he gave me his house. You know, so, but again, there's that chivalry, there's that planning, that

450
00:30:48.240 --> 00:30:56.640
intentionality. But in the beginning for, I think it was the first month, the first full month, he drove

451
00:30:56.640 --> 00:31:03.200
to me every time. Now that was just him being chivalrous, that really mattered to him. But want

452
00:31:03.200 --> 00:31:10.560
to talk a little bit also like about the, like what are the things that like anyone that's in a

453
00:31:10.560 --> 00:31:14.640
long distance, I guess is what I'm trying to say. Is there anyone dating someone long distance that

454
00:31:14.640 --> 00:31:18.560
you want to talk that through? What that looks like? How to navigate that?

455
00:31:21.280 --> 00:31:23.040
If you haven't been in the love seat already.

456
00:31:25.440 --> 00:31:29.360
All right. Melissa Joy, go ahead.

457
00:31:34.080 --> 00:31:41.120
Like go ahead and talk. Yep. Oh, okay. So somebody reached out to me on single nation

458
00:31:41.440 --> 00:31:49.280
and I would not have really responded due to some of his religious verbiage, but Jackie said it's

459
00:31:49.280 --> 00:31:54.560
yes to let's know. So we text a couple of times, voicemail a couple of times and have something

460
00:31:54.560 --> 00:32:02.240
set up to like FaceTime on Saturday. But he said a couple more things that I'm just like,

461
00:32:04.000 --> 00:32:09.440
because I'm going to a prophetic school at Bethel and he's like, oh, that's interesting. Do you like

462
00:32:10.400 --> 00:32:16.080
have prophetic giftings or something? It's just like, wow. I just think we're swimming in really

463
00:32:16.080 --> 00:32:24.560
different waters, but he's funny and fun. Like, so I feel like I want to give the three dates until

464
00:32:24.560 --> 00:32:31.360
it's a no. Well, I just kind of know with the sense of like an integrity, I can't keep going

465
00:32:31.360 --> 00:32:38.800
forward. We're past like the exploring and. So is he long distance? Cause you're in Paris, right?

466
00:32:38.800 --> 00:32:43.360
Yeah. He's in Jersey. Okay. So he's in Jersey and you're in Paris.

467
00:32:43.360 --> 00:32:50.080
So you guys would do zoom dates. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't think it hurts to get to know someone

468
00:32:50.080 --> 00:32:55.760
if it helps you at all. So, um, one of the first conversations early on the first serious,

469
00:32:55.760 --> 00:33:02.400
I should say for serious conversations, Brian and I had, um, I have Pentecostal backgrounds.

470
00:33:02.720 --> 00:33:09.840
Brian grew up Methodist. Um, so he just, he doesn't not believe in some of the things I like

471
00:33:09.840 --> 00:33:15.680
speaking in tongues and stuff, but I do believe in that. And I knew that anyone I would end up

472
00:33:15.680 --> 00:33:22.560
marrying, they would have to not necessarily like have those same giftings, but they would need to

473
00:33:22.560 --> 00:33:28.240
let me be who I am. Cause I wasn't going to be in a relationship where I had to like stifle

474
00:33:28.240 --> 00:33:35.680
or hide who I am. Um, and so one of the things I've found is like our, where we are at, like

475
00:33:35.680 --> 00:33:42.000
we've balanced each other really well. So I don't think it always has to be that you have to have a

476
00:33:42.000 --> 00:33:49.040
spirit mate that has all the same giftings or understanding that you have. Um, and so like

477
00:33:49.040 --> 00:33:54.480
even some of the background and knowledge Brian's gone to like, I mean, so much schooling, he has

478
00:33:54.480 --> 00:33:59.680
his doctorate degree. I mean so much spiritual knowledge. Um, but I bring a whole different

479
00:33:59.680 --> 00:34:05.920
thing, you know, to the table. So I guess is your question, um, about like, is your question,

480
00:34:05.920 --> 00:34:16.159
should you do Zoom dates with him to get to know him? Well, I guess now with the rubber meets the

481
00:34:16.159 --> 00:34:22.480
road, it's like, what does the yes until it's a no really look like? Um,

482
00:34:24.639 --> 00:34:31.120
well, it's getting to know someone until you like, there's something that makes it a no.

483
00:34:31.840 --> 00:34:37.520
Okay. So if he's never going to, I mean like you just moved to Paris, right? Yeah. A year ago. Are

484
00:34:37.520 --> 00:34:44.480
you wanting to move back to New Jersey? Never. I'm in Paris. Is he wanting to move to Paris?

485
00:34:45.440 --> 00:34:50.400
I don't know. You might want to ask him because you don't want to get too emotionally involved

486
00:34:50.400 --> 00:34:55.600
either with someone that has no desire to relocate. You're in a whole different country.

487
00:34:56.320 --> 00:34:59.840
Yeah. So yeah, just asking, and that can be super lighthearted.

488
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.280
Hey, like I know you're in New Jersey. I'm in Paris. I just moved here. You know,

489
00:35:05.280 --> 00:35:11.760
a lot would enjoy getting to know you, but just on the front end, like I know that I live here and

490
00:35:11.760 --> 00:35:16.800
I'm not at this season of my life going to be moving. Yeah. You know, just kind of open the

491
00:35:16.800 --> 00:35:22.000
door and let that conversation happen. Okay. Thank you. That's very encouraging and helpful.

492
00:35:22.000 --> 00:35:27.120
I appreciate it. Yeah. My pleasure. Anyone else want to talk about long distance?

493
00:35:27.600 --> 00:35:33.600
I have a question about dating long distance to someone being born to count as a no,

494
00:35:34.720 --> 00:35:42.080
even if they are nice. I do have a question. It's Miriam. Yeah. My question is actually around

495
00:35:42.720 --> 00:35:50.240
long distance communication. So I started talking to this guy. I don't know now long,

496
00:35:51.200 --> 00:35:57.200
probably a week. It's been a week now or over a week, a couple of weeks, but I just have not been

497
00:35:58.080 --> 00:36:04.400
responding. It takes me like a whole day to respond to him sometimes like two days later

498
00:36:04.400 --> 00:36:09.280
to respond just because I wasn't really that interested. But at the same time, I wanted to

499
00:36:10.240 --> 00:36:16.720
just kind of keep him there and, and just still kind of get to know him. And the reason

500
00:36:16.720 --> 00:36:27.360
that I'm not really that interested is because he, he's in Boise, he's in Idaho. And I am in

501
00:36:27.360 --> 00:36:31.600
Canada, I'm in Edmonton, that's not a deal breaker, really, like I'm willing to go anywhere.

502
00:36:32.320 --> 00:36:39.600
However, he is, he also has a kid, and he's a believer. He has a toddler, a two year old.

503
00:36:41.120 --> 00:36:46.080
And he was not married. So I'm like, I'm, I didn't want to judge him. But at the same time,

504
00:36:46.080 --> 00:36:53.680
that's kind of a, I don't know, I don't know if you consider that like a yellow flag, or red flag,

505
00:36:53.680 --> 00:36:58.400
like, during COVID, he was living with someone or some something happened there, obviously, that,

506
00:36:58.400 --> 00:37:03.920
that, you know, he got someone pregnant. And it sounds like it was like a toxic relationship.

507
00:37:05.360 --> 00:37:11.680
And when I asked, like with a girl, a believer as well, and he said, Yes, but like coming from

508
00:37:11.680 --> 00:37:18.720
like a Catholic background. And so um, and it's also just we've, we FaceTime and he was really,

509
00:37:18.720 --> 00:37:23.280
like really interested in all of that. And so lately, though, when I was thinking like, yeah,

510
00:37:23.280 --> 00:37:29.360
maybe I will give him a chance. Then he started kind of backing off. So like, he used to like,

511
00:37:29.360 --> 00:37:35.760
text me every single morning, even if it takes me forever to respond to him. And lately, as of two,

512
00:37:35.760 --> 00:37:40.960
maybe two days ago, he stopped sending, although he was the last voice message, and I hadn't

513
00:37:40.960 --> 00:37:49.120
responded. But he stopped sending me the good morning text messages. So I don't know if I should

514
00:37:50.160 --> 00:37:57.920
at this point, like, do I just tell him? Do I even say anything? Do should I just leave it?

515
00:37:57.920 --> 00:38:02.880
I did tell him, we're interested, I feel like I'm getting a vibe that you're really not interested,

516
00:38:02.880 --> 00:38:05.200
but you're trying to convince yourself to be interested.

517
00:38:07.280 --> 00:38:15.680
Yeah, maybe. Um, I mean, it's, again, like, Jackie is encouraging you guys to reach out and try to,

518
00:38:15.680 --> 00:38:20.240
you know, get to know people practice have conversations. Yeah. It sounds like,

519
00:38:20.240 --> 00:38:26.480
like some of the things you're even sharing, like feel like very deep conversations. And you guys,

520
00:38:26.480 --> 00:38:31.760
have you had a zoom date? Yeah. Oh, yeah. We've talked a few times over zoom, like we've had video

521
00:38:31.760 --> 00:38:39.520
calls. And he's called me a few times. Yes. Okay. We've had conversation. Okay. Just because it

522
00:38:39.520 --> 00:38:45.200
sounds like very deep conversations for just a couple of zoom dates, I guess is what I'm saying,

523
00:38:45.200 --> 00:38:53.040
like, you know, a lot about his mistakes, his story. Yeah. And I'm not saying that's bad per

524
00:38:53.040 --> 00:39:00.960
se. But like, I think just, you might want to just ask the Lord, is this someone that you need to try

525
00:39:00.960 --> 00:39:06.800
to have more conversation with, if he's already backing off, it might be God just defending you

526
00:39:07.360 --> 00:39:14.480
and protecting you from that. I will say on the part of like, you know, you all if we meet someone

527
00:39:14.480 --> 00:39:19.680
and they have a kid that they, you know, had with someone when they weren't married.

528
00:39:21.760 --> 00:39:27.920
I think let's be kind and have grace in our heart towards people, but just find out more over time.

529
00:39:27.920 --> 00:39:32.240
Like, you know, yeah, I think it would be good to find out what happened in that situation,

530
00:39:32.800 --> 00:39:39.200
but people make mistakes. And maybe at that time, he wasn't as serious about the Lord and he is now,

531
00:39:39.200 --> 00:39:43.600
or maybe he's not at all, but those would, those would be things you would want to know

532
00:39:43.600 --> 00:39:48.320
a little bit more about, but just, yeah, just keep grace in your heart towards people. Cause

533
00:39:48.320 --> 00:39:53.680
you never know when we're going to need that grace back. And I'll give an example. You know,

534
00:39:53.760 --> 00:39:57.680
when I went through my divorce, I wasn't even fully divorced yet,

535
00:39:57.680 --> 00:39:59.760
man, people in the church judged me.

536
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.800
like crazy, like crazy.

537
00:40:03.840 --> 00:40:08.120
But I remember many years before that thinking

538
00:40:08.120 --> 00:40:10.200
maybe not nice things about other people

539
00:40:10.200 --> 00:40:12.540
that were going through divorce, you know?

540
00:40:12.540 --> 00:40:15.100
And so just, if we just keep grace,

541
00:40:15.100 --> 00:40:16.980
I think that's super important

542
00:40:16.980 --> 00:40:19.020
in our process of dating as well.

543
00:40:19.020 --> 00:40:21.840
Now, I'm not saying blow past flags, okay?

544
00:40:21.840 --> 00:40:24.020
So if there's red flags, don't blow past it,

545
00:40:24.020 --> 00:40:27.900
but let's also not turn yellow flags into red.

546
00:40:27.900 --> 00:40:29.800
You know, I think, again,

547
00:40:29.800 --> 00:40:33.040
having kind of fun, lighthearted questions,

548
00:40:33.040 --> 00:40:35.720
but finding out more if you wanna get to know this guy

549
00:40:35.720 --> 00:40:37.760
about, you know, how that all came about.

550
00:40:37.760 --> 00:40:41.720
Yeah, I'm not writing him off because of that.

551
00:40:41.720 --> 00:40:43.880
And so that's why we kept talking,

552
00:40:43.880 --> 00:40:46.100
but I just am not sure at this point now

553
00:40:46.100 --> 00:40:49.520
that he isn't texting every day like he used to,

554
00:40:49.520 --> 00:40:52.360
although his was the last message.

555
00:40:52.360 --> 00:40:56.300
If that's a sign that I should just like leave it

556
00:40:56.300 --> 00:40:59.560
or tell him, okay, that's it, goodbye,

557
00:40:59.560 --> 00:41:03.720
or do I like just say something?

558
00:41:03.720 --> 00:41:06.200
I think don't overthink it.

559
00:41:06.200 --> 00:41:08.120
If you wanna message him, message him.

560
00:41:08.120 --> 00:41:09.760
If you don't, don't.

561
00:41:11.400 --> 00:41:14.920
Yeah, sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves.

562
00:41:14.920 --> 00:41:17.520
Just, yeah, just if you're feeling like,

563
00:41:17.520 --> 00:41:19.400
hey, maybe this is at a good point

564
00:41:19.400 --> 00:41:22.920
where I'm not feeling this thing and maybe this is God,

565
00:41:22.920 --> 00:41:23.920
but don't overthink it.

566
00:41:23.940 --> 00:41:26.740
Don't make it like God is making this thing happen.

567
00:41:26.740 --> 00:41:28.860
If God is making it happen, he will,

568
00:41:28.860 --> 00:41:30.740
but just if you wanna message the guy back

569
00:41:30.740 --> 00:41:32.580
and get to know him more, then do it.

570
00:41:34.780 --> 00:41:39.780
Okay, I just didn't know if the guy seems like,

571
00:41:40.500 --> 00:41:42.780
if he's backing off, I take it as backing off.

572
00:41:42.780 --> 00:41:45.620
He's not sending the good morning text messages anymore.

573
00:41:45.620 --> 00:41:49.580
So I just wasn't sure if that would be like

574
00:41:49.580 --> 00:41:52.260
the right thing to do or if the right thing to do

575
00:41:52.320 --> 00:41:55.200
was to just leave it and goodbye, basically.

576
00:41:55.200 --> 00:41:56.360
You could just ask him like,

577
00:41:56.360 --> 00:41:58.600
hey, I've noticed you haven't texted as much.

578
00:41:59.600 --> 00:42:01.340
Just wanted to see if you're interested

579
00:42:01.340 --> 00:42:03.360
in continuing to get to know each other

580
00:42:03.360 --> 00:42:06.000
or if you're thinking you wanna move on,

581
00:42:06.000 --> 00:42:07.480
just let, that's totally fine.

582
00:42:07.480 --> 00:42:08.600
Just let me know.

583
00:42:08.600 --> 00:42:11.040
Just don't, like, I think so many times, yeah,

584
00:42:11.040 --> 00:42:13.240
we're just kind of waiting for them to make the move.

585
00:42:13.240 --> 00:42:16.760
Just, I would just message him.

586
00:42:16.760 --> 00:42:18.400
Okay.

587
00:42:18.400 --> 00:42:19.960
Thank you so much, Miriam.

588
00:42:19.960 --> 00:42:21.680
All right. Thanks, Amber.

589
00:42:22.020 --> 00:42:23.280
Christine, how about you?

590
00:42:27.980 --> 00:42:31.820
Hi, yes, sorry, I'm trying to fix this.

591
00:42:31.820 --> 00:42:36.820
I just wanted to make sure that I could respond to you,

592
00:42:36.820 --> 00:42:40.900
but I just have to make sure that you know,

593
00:42:40.900 --> 00:42:44.460
we have two different voices and we're in a group.

594
00:42:44.460 --> 00:42:48.460
Is, Christine, sorry to interrupt you.

595
00:42:48.460 --> 00:42:50.460
Is there any way that you're,

596
00:42:50.460 --> 00:42:52.300
it's really hard to hear you.

597
00:42:56.880 --> 00:42:58.280
Yeah, see, I can't even make out

598
00:42:58.280 --> 00:43:00.040
what you're saying, unfortunately.

599
00:43:06.180 --> 00:43:08.480
It needs to talk closer to a microphone.

600
00:43:08.480 --> 00:43:10.120
Well, she's doing it through,

601
00:43:10.120 --> 00:43:14.160
it's through, you know, earbuds or something.

602
00:43:14.160 --> 00:43:18.760
So maybe Christine, try to change the way you're using your,

603
00:43:18.780 --> 00:43:21.940
like either come direct to voice or something.

604
00:43:21.940 --> 00:43:24.440
Let me go to Dani and I'll come back to you, okay?

605
00:43:26.860 --> 00:43:28.500
Go ahead, Dani.

606
00:43:28.500 --> 00:43:30.020
Hi, hello.

607
00:43:30.020 --> 00:43:33.700
So I am in a long distance relationship

608
00:43:33.700 --> 00:43:37.780
and I was just booking places where to stay

609
00:43:37.780 --> 00:43:41.340
and I'm planning because it's going to be in two weeks.

610
00:43:41.340 --> 00:43:45.100
So my question to you, first of all, it's expensive, guys.

611
00:43:45.100 --> 00:43:46.760
He's in another country.

612
00:43:47.740 --> 00:43:52.580
But also we can connect and we've been very creative.

613
00:43:52.580 --> 00:43:55.360
So that's, it's been working.

614
00:43:55.360 --> 00:43:57.780
So Bethany, probably my question is,

615
00:43:57.780 --> 00:44:01.900
when do you, when did you feel like it was time

616
00:44:01.900 --> 00:44:06.500
to talk about relocation?

617
00:44:06.500 --> 00:44:09.180
Or is it like something that we should,

618
00:44:09.180 --> 00:44:13.060
because that's gonna be the first time I'm going to see him

619
00:44:13.060 --> 00:44:15.380
but second time we are together.

620
00:44:15.380 --> 00:44:18.840
But I don't see this going on and on and on and on.

621
00:44:18.840 --> 00:44:23.120
But I also don't want to be like just too early

622
00:44:23.120 --> 00:44:26.560
to ask the question or when actually to bring that

623
00:44:26.560 --> 00:44:28.200
to the conversation.

624
00:44:28.200 --> 00:44:29.040
Yeah.

625
00:44:30.960 --> 00:44:33.800
For me, I think the number one thing is like, you know,

626
00:44:33.800 --> 00:44:35.560
Jackie even said this in her ask Jackie,

627
00:44:35.560 --> 00:44:37.320
like if we say a timeframe,

628
00:44:37.320 --> 00:44:39.720
then some of you all hone in on that timeframe

629
00:44:39.720 --> 00:44:43.200
and you're like, it has to be this timeframe for everybody.

630
00:44:43.200 --> 00:44:45.120
And that's not the case.

631
00:44:45.860 --> 00:44:48.860
I think when the two of you all are connecting,

632
00:44:48.860 --> 00:44:52.500
you guys need to decide what's that pace for you

633
00:44:52.500 --> 00:44:53.540
as a couple.

634
00:44:54.420 --> 00:44:57.240
So for example, what Brian and I did,

635
00:44:58.820 --> 00:44:59.660
I mean, when

636
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.200
Early on, we had conversations like, what is your goal?

637
00:45:05.200 --> 00:45:08.800
If we're exclusive, when we made that decision,

638
00:45:08.800 --> 00:45:11.800
we said we were exclusive to figure out

639
00:45:11.800 --> 00:45:14.680
if we would want to move towards marriage.

640
00:45:14.680 --> 00:45:16.680
That was our intention.

641
00:45:16.680 --> 00:45:20.400
So we set our intentions in the beginning.

642
00:45:20.400 --> 00:45:24.560
And so all of our conversations from there on out

643
00:45:24.560 --> 00:45:29.280
was like, OK, where are we at in the process now?

644
00:45:29.280 --> 00:45:33.560
For example, I knew that I would need to get

645
00:45:33.560 --> 00:45:37.640
to know his family, his community.

646
00:45:37.640 --> 00:45:39.600
My situation's a little different

647
00:45:39.600 --> 00:45:40.600
than some other people's.

648
00:45:40.600 --> 00:45:44.120
Brian was already pastoring two churches.

649
00:45:44.120 --> 00:45:47.440
So it wasn't that he wasn't open to moving,

650
00:45:47.440 --> 00:45:49.160
because we had that conversation too.

651
00:45:49.160 --> 00:45:51.280
We actually, at one point, talked about both of us

652
00:45:51.280 --> 00:45:54.760
moving to a totally new location together.

653
00:45:54.760 --> 00:45:59.080
But when I came out to visit him and met his family,

654
00:45:59.080 --> 00:46:01.760
he had just lost his dad a year before.

655
00:46:01.760 --> 00:46:04.080
And his mom, the one night, was talking about it.

656
00:46:04.080 --> 00:46:07.520
And I just knew the Lord spoke to me.

657
00:46:07.520 --> 00:46:10.160
And he needed to be here.

658
00:46:10.160 --> 00:46:13.040
He needed to be here during this time with his mom

659
00:46:13.040 --> 00:46:16.760
as she resets her life with his sisters.

660
00:46:16.760 --> 00:46:20.200
And so I communicated that to him,

661
00:46:20.200 --> 00:46:22.280
that I felt like God was telling me

662
00:46:22.280 --> 00:46:27.520
that I should be the one to move in this situation.

663
00:46:27.520 --> 00:46:31.400
And so from there on out, we started making

664
00:46:31.400 --> 00:46:33.400
conversation intentional.

665
00:46:33.400 --> 00:46:35.960
And again, not every conversation was about that.

666
00:46:35.960 --> 00:46:38.360
We reserved part of our conversation for that.

667
00:46:38.360 --> 00:46:40.680
Because you still want it to be fun.

668
00:46:40.680 --> 00:46:42.640
You want to have enjoyable conversations.

669
00:46:42.640 --> 00:46:44.080
You want things to be lighthearted,

670
00:46:44.080 --> 00:46:47.400
because you're still getting to know each other as well.

671
00:46:47.400 --> 00:46:53.200
But I knew I wanted to know his community and his people,

672
00:46:53.200 --> 00:46:55.440
the churches that he was pastoring, his family,

673
00:46:55.440 --> 00:46:59.040
his friends, sooner rather than later.

674
00:46:59.040 --> 00:47:03.120
And so for me, that was one of the driving things,

675
00:47:03.120 --> 00:47:06.960
was I just said, hey, this is what I'm thinking.

676
00:47:06.960 --> 00:47:11.040
This is the time frame that feels good for me.

677
00:47:11.040 --> 00:47:11.840
Do you agree?

678
00:47:11.840 --> 00:47:15.320
Do you feel that that time frame would work for you as well?

679
00:47:15.320 --> 00:47:17.640
And so we just talked about it.

680
00:47:17.640 --> 00:47:20.840
For us, the time frame was, let's see,

681
00:47:20.840 --> 00:47:24.280
I met him in September.

682
00:47:24.280 --> 00:47:25.840
It's going to sound crazy, ladies.

683
00:47:25.840 --> 00:47:27.200
I met him in September.

684
00:47:27.200 --> 00:47:29.040
September, October, November, December.

685
00:47:29.040 --> 00:47:32.840
I moved out here December 24th, officially,

686
00:47:32.840 --> 00:47:35.480
four months into dating him.

687
00:47:35.480 --> 00:47:36.320
Yeah.

688
00:47:36.320 --> 00:47:40.000
And so but after I moved, I got an apartment out here.

689
00:47:40.000 --> 00:47:43.120
God divinely provided this apartment I moved into out

690
00:47:43.120 --> 00:47:44.920
here, got to know his family.

691
00:47:44.920 --> 00:47:48.920
I lived in that apartment until we pretty much got married.

692
00:47:48.920 --> 00:47:52.160
I moved into the parsonage right before we got married.

693
00:47:52.160 --> 00:47:55.920
And he went back to living with his mom for a month.

694
00:47:55.920 --> 00:47:58.560
But I'm just sharing that to say,

695
00:47:58.560 --> 00:48:01.760
I think everyone's time frame could look different.

696
00:48:01.760 --> 00:48:06.560
Ours was a very accelerated time frame.

697
00:48:06.560 --> 00:48:08.400
But we were both very healthy.

698
00:48:08.400 --> 00:48:10.240
We both knew what we wanted.

699
00:48:10.240 --> 00:48:13.880
And God was really divinely working in our relationship.

700
00:48:13.880 --> 00:48:16.360
Now, other people, it might be a little longer

701
00:48:16.360 --> 00:48:19.920
because they need more time to get

702
00:48:19.920 --> 00:48:22.400
to know each other based on their own heart health

703
00:48:22.400 --> 00:48:24.360
and all that kind of thing.

704
00:48:24.360 --> 00:48:25.840
So I don't know if that's helpful.

705
00:48:25.840 --> 00:48:27.080
Is that what you were asking?

706
00:48:27.080 --> 00:48:27.560
Yes.

707
00:48:27.560 --> 00:48:32.000
That's what I thought about a few months in, especially

708
00:48:32.000 --> 00:48:36.320
because we've been on each other for more than a year.

709
00:48:36.320 --> 00:48:40.680
And so it's probably going to be fast-paced.

710
00:48:40.680 --> 00:48:43.000
But I've never been married.

711
00:48:43.000 --> 00:48:46.720
So it's kind of scary as well if things are too fast.

712
00:48:46.720 --> 00:48:52.040
So I wanted to just have a reference just to start.

713
00:48:52.040 --> 00:48:54.080
One of the things to tell all of you all,

714
00:48:54.080 --> 00:48:55.480
so this isn't just for Dani.

715
00:48:55.480 --> 00:48:57.040
And everything I'm saying, I hope

716
00:48:57.040 --> 00:48:58.280
it's helping other people too.

717
00:48:58.280 --> 00:49:01.280
But Jackie kept telling me, have fun.

718
00:49:01.280 --> 00:49:02.320
Just have fun.

719
00:49:02.320 --> 00:49:03.680
Just enjoy this process.

720
00:49:03.680 --> 00:49:06.760
Because I think whether we've been married before

721
00:49:06.760 --> 00:49:09.560
or we've not been married before, there is a part of us

722
00:49:09.560 --> 00:49:12.520
when we finally do find our spirit mates, ladies,

723
00:49:12.520 --> 00:49:14.000
we freak out a little bit.

724
00:49:14.000 --> 00:49:16.080
We're like, oh my gosh.

725
00:49:16.080 --> 00:49:16.640
I don't know.

726
00:49:17.240 --> 00:49:18.560
And we start worrying.

727
00:49:18.560 --> 00:49:21.320
And we start analyzing things like crazy.

728
00:49:21.320 --> 00:49:22.600
And what if this?

729
00:49:22.600 --> 00:49:23.240
And what if that?

730
00:49:23.240 --> 00:49:24.640
And all these kind of things.

731
00:49:24.640 --> 00:49:28.200
And Jackie just kept saying, relax and have fun.

732
00:49:28.200 --> 00:49:30.320
I can't tell you how many times she said that to me.

733
00:49:30.320 --> 00:49:33.760
And so it became something I started saying to myself

734
00:49:33.760 --> 00:49:37.960
to just embrace the process, not overthink it.

735
00:49:37.960 --> 00:49:43.000
And so I would offer that to you and anyone else as well.

736
00:49:43.000 --> 00:49:43.640
Yes.

737
00:49:43.640 --> 00:49:44.160
Yes.

738
00:49:44.160 --> 00:49:44.680
Thank you.

739
00:49:44.680 --> 00:49:47.480
Angela is asking me on this too.

740
00:49:47.480 --> 00:49:50.120
How long were you online dating before you met your husband?

741
00:49:50.120 --> 00:49:53.640
Do you mean before I met him in person?

742
00:49:53.640 --> 00:49:55.040
I think that's what you're asking.

743
00:49:55.040 --> 00:50:01.240
So it's really.

744
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:03.040
supernatural y'all, so I don't want y'all to get discouraged when you hear.

745
00:50:03.260 --> 00:50:07.080
So I went on Facebook dating app on September 2nd,

746
00:50:07.600 --> 00:50:10.000
Brian reached out to me on September 6th.

747
00:50:10.040 --> 00:50:13.120
He drove to meet me the first time on September 12th.

748
00:50:15.380 --> 00:50:20.360
Yeah. So that was kind of the timeframe, but I was, when I first, you know,

749
00:50:20.420 --> 00:50:25.480
had my first date or two with him, I was dating other people and, you know,

750
00:50:25.480 --> 00:50:29.000
I, he knew that I was open about that. Um,

751
00:50:29.200 --> 00:50:31.840
but once I was exclusive with him, I, you know,

752
00:50:31.840 --> 00:50:34.040
obviously wasn't dating anyone else at that point.

753
00:50:42.080 --> 00:50:42.920
I don't know.

754
00:50:43.760 --> 00:50:47.560
How long did it take, um, before you became exclusive?

755
00:50:49.360 --> 00:50:53.200
Well, um, it wasn't that much longer.

756
00:50:53.200 --> 00:50:57.000
He came for that first date on the 12th, probably a couple of weeks,

757
00:50:57.000 --> 00:51:01.280
maybe two or three weeks, but I already like,

758
00:51:01.280 --> 00:51:04.680
when I was dating him, so y'all, this will be something fun. Okay.

759
00:51:04.680 --> 00:51:08.720
So I want to tell you guys what God led me to do. Cause y'all date,

760
00:51:08.920 --> 00:51:12.760
like dating people online can be a little hard to keep track of everyone.

761
00:51:12.800 --> 00:51:17.120
Does anyone else resonate with that? It's hard to keep track of them.

762
00:51:17.400 --> 00:51:19.160
And Brian knows this. He's in the other room.

763
00:51:19.160 --> 00:51:23.120
So he already knows all this so I can share all this, but y'all,

764
00:51:23.120 --> 00:51:27.200
I had a poster board. I'm not going to lie, not lying,

765
00:51:27.240 --> 00:51:31.080
a poster board, but this helped me so much.

766
00:51:31.080 --> 00:51:33.240
So that's why I'm like kind of lightheartedly sharing,

767
00:51:33.480 --> 00:51:36.480
but like it was kind of fun too. But like on my poster board,

768
00:51:36.480 --> 00:51:39.720
I had like each guy in his little column,

769
00:51:39.760 --> 00:51:42.480
I gave every guy a nickname. Um,

770
00:51:42.520 --> 00:51:45.000
and so when I shared in my bridal party group,

771
00:51:45.000 --> 00:51:49.240
I would call them by their nickname. So all everybody knows he's PB and J that

772
00:51:49.240 --> 00:51:53.720
was his nickname. He just got shirts, um, for us on my birthday.

773
00:51:53.720 --> 00:51:57.920
His shirt is peanut butter, my shirts jelly. So it's a whole thing now.

774
00:51:58.200 --> 00:52:02.000
But I say that to say, I also, it wasn't just funny things,

775
00:52:02.000 --> 00:52:06.520
but like what I would do is after I had a conversation or a date or whatever,

776
00:52:06.960 --> 00:52:08.680
I would write pros and cons.

777
00:52:09.400 --> 00:52:13.680
Like what was God showing me about those people? You know, cons,

778
00:52:13.960 --> 00:52:16.520
how did I feel after I went on a date with him?

779
00:52:17.240 --> 00:52:19.360
How did I feel when I went on a date with another guy?

780
00:52:19.600 --> 00:52:22.480
And it helped me because in the past I had,

781
00:52:22.640 --> 00:52:25.320
I had blown past so many red flags. I didn't want to do that again.

782
00:52:25.680 --> 00:52:29.440
And so this was like a fun, lighthearted way for me to like,

783
00:52:29.560 --> 00:52:31.680
not overanalyze, but just to put it out.

784
00:52:31.680 --> 00:52:36.040
So I could really look out like what was God showing me about these people and

785
00:52:36.040 --> 00:52:41.360
make a healthy decision. Um, I will say pastor Brian, PB and J,

786
00:52:41.640 --> 00:52:45.120
really, I mean, he was just set apart from all the others.

787
00:52:45.120 --> 00:52:49.600
He was so different. One of the things that on our first date, I mean,

788
00:52:50.120 --> 00:52:54.320
everything he did was really very chivalrous, very kind, very nice.

789
00:52:54.920 --> 00:52:59.280
But in particular, one of the things that I really felt like God highlighted,

790
00:52:59.280 --> 00:53:01.280
I mean, it was so awesome.

791
00:53:01.400 --> 00:53:04.720
We were at this coffee shop and it was one of those places that they do pay it

792
00:53:04.720 --> 00:53:05.560
forward stuff.

793
00:53:06.920 --> 00:53:07.840
And, uh,

794
00:53:08.960 --> 00:53:11.600
he had gone in the restroom and I was standing out and I was looking at all

795
00:53:11.600 --> 00:53:13.960
these pay it forward things. And when he came out,

796
00:53:14.680 --> 00:53:17.440
he was like, Oh, you know, you want to do,

797
00:53:17.440 --> 00:53:19.240
would you like to do that or whatever? And I was like, yeah,

798
00:53:19.240 --> 00:53:21.960
I would really like to do this. Well, I thought we were just talking about it.

799
00:53:22.800 --> 00:53:26.200
Um, well he paid not only for him to be generous,

800
00:53:26.520 --> 00:53:29.040
but he paid for me to be generous to someone.

801
00:53:29.040 --> 00:53:31.680
So he paid for my pay it forward.

802
00:53:32.000 --> 00:53:35.320
And then like I got to write who I wanted to give that to.

803
00:53:35.680 --> 00:53:39.040
And that just spoke volumes to me. Um,

804
00:53:39.120 --> 00:53:44.040
I had never had, it's one thing if somebody's generous for themselves,

805
00:53:44.680 --> 00:53:48.640
to me, it's a whole other ball game when they, they pay.

806
00:53:49.120 --> 00:53:53.440
So like, and give it to me so that I get the blessing of being generous,

807
00:53:53.480 --> 00:53:57.160
but they really paid it. So that, that just,

808
00:53:58.040 --> 00:54:00.680
from the beginning, he set himself apart. Um,

809
00:54:00.680 --> 00:54:02.840
so it was hard for the other guys, y'all,

810
00:54:02.880 --> 00:54:05.640
it really was hard for the other guys to catch up after that.

811
00:54:05.920 --> 00:54:10.320
But it wasn't just that, I mean, it was a lot, but your question was, um, how,

812
00:54:10.400 --> 00:54:13.680
how long before we were exclusive, it was a couple of weeks for us. You know,

813
00:54:13.680 --> 00:54:15.480
it's not always going to be like that again.

814
00:54:15.480 --> 00:54:20.360
I think ours was a very supernatural connection. Um, just even,

815
00:54:20.400 --> 00:54:24.000
even still today, like just what God is doing with the two of us together.

816
00:54:24.000 --> 00:54:28.760
It's, it's a really divine, divine destiny DNA, like Jackie talks about.

817
00:54:31.160 --> 00:54:33.040
All right, Lee, how about you?

818
00:54:34.000 --> 00:54:38.880
Oh, hi. Hello. It's Leah. Oh, I'm sorry, Leah.

819
00:54:40.880 --> 00:54:44.320
Um, that was actually kind of my question. Um,

820
00:54:44.920 --> 00:54:49.520
the guy I'm talking to is long distance and, um,

821
00:54:50.200 --> 00:54:54.520
just really wondering at what point do you define the relationship?

822
00:54:56.840 --> 00:55:00.040
I guess. And I suppose it is different for everybody.

823
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:08.000
It's all it's also very new for me, I guess, and it's the closest I've ever come to being in a relationship.

824
00:55:08.000 --> 00:55:16.000
So I find myself just a little like maybe anxious at times or well, let me ask you this.

825
00:55:16.000 --> 00:55:24.000
How is he acting? Is he acting like he's ready to make it exclusive? I don't know.

826
00:55:24.000 --> 00:55:29.000
OK, that's all right. How many dates have you all been on?

827
00:55:29.000 --> 00:55:36.000
We started talking mid-May and I went out to see him where he lives.

828
00:55:36.000 --> 00:55:39.000
OK, where does he live?

829
00:55:39.000 --> 00:55:42.000
He lives in New York City.

830
00:55:42.000 --> 00:55:45.000
OK, and you're I forget where you're at.

831
00:55:45.000 --> 00:55:47.000
I'm in Green Bay, Wisconsin.

832
00:55:47.000 --> 00:55:49.000
All right.

833
00:55:50.000 --> 00:55:54.000
So, yeah, awesome distance, but.

834
00:55:54.000 --> 00:55:57.000
So you had one in-person visit and you guys.

835
00:55:57.000 --> 00:55:59.000
When was that?

836
00:55:59.000 --> 00:56:01.000
And that was mid-July.

837
00:56:01.000 --> 00:56:03.000
OK, not that long ago.

838
00:56:03.000 --> 00:56:06.000
Has the conversation still been really good after that?

839
00:56:06.000 --> 00:56:12.000
It has. Yes. And he's making plans to come here in September.

840
00:56:12.000 --> 00:56:16.000
That's great. I think this is a great pace. I think that sounds lovely.

841
00:56:16.000 --> 00:56:20.000
I think don't overthink it. Have a couple more in person.

842
00:56:20.000 --> 00:56:27.000
You know, Brian and I, at the time we made it exclusive, we had probably had.

843
00:56:27.000 --> 00:56:35.000
Six or seven Zoom dates, probably because he would come the first time he only came in and then he drove back.

844
00:56:35.000 --> 00:56:39.000
But then after that, he would come, you get a hotel and he would stay in Lexington.

845
00:56:39.000 --> 00:56:42.000
And so we would hang out Friday. We'd hang out Saturday.

846
00:56:43.000 --> 00:56:50.000
So when he would come, let's see, two, four, six, we probably had six or seven in-person dates by the time we became exclusive.

847
00:56:50.000 --> 00:56:54.000
So if you're counting dates, but it was the time frame, probably three weeks.

848
00:56:54.000 --> 00:56:57.000
But again, it is going to be different, but that's exciting.

849
00:56:57.000 --> 00:57:01.000
He's planning a trip to come see you. And that sounds great.

850
00:57:01.000 --> 00:57:08.000
It sounds like it's going at a good pace. And if you're, you know, you seem excited, let yourself be excited, have fun.

851
00:57:08.000 --> 00:57:11.000
And it's OK if you've never if you haven't had that before.

852
00:57:11.000 --> 00:57:15.000
That's why that's why you're doing this. You're learning, right?

853
00:57:15.000 --> 00:57:18.000
Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah.

854
00:57:18.000 --> 00:57:21.000
It's like trust the process and not overthink it.

855
00:57:21.000 --> 00:57:25.000
And it'll just kind of sort itself out.

856
00:57:25.000 --> 00:57:37.000
It will, I think, you know, and not being afraid to say like even like how I said, like in the past, I probably would have never said to a guy like, hey,

857
00:57:37.000 --> 00:57:46.000
if you want to get to know like my other non-negotiables, like if you want to come visit, like if you want to get together in person, like, you know, that would be cool.

858
00:57:46.000 --> 00:57:51.000
I don't know exactly how I said it, something I would have probably never done that before.

859
00:57:51.000 --> 00:57:55.000
And even Jackie, I mean, she was kind of like, you can do a Zoom or whatever.

860
00:57:55.000 --> 00:58:01.000
And it wasn't like she wasn't saying I could get together in person, but she was just, you know, but I kind of went for it.

861
00:58:01.000 --> 00:58:04.000
But I felt that in my gut.

862
00:58:04.000 --> 00:58:26.000
You know, so I think that's where learning to trust ourselves, trusting the process, enjoying it, really looking forward, like, you know, getting dressed up when you go on these dates, like having, I mean, I put a couple questions in my phone because I didn't want to go on these dates and feel like I didn't know what to do or got like caught and didn't have any questions.

863
00:58:26.000 --> 00:58:32.000
So, you know, hey, you can go to the bathroom and look at your phone and get a question or whatever if you're feeling stuck.

864
00:58:32.000 --> 00:58:44.000
Don't don't feel like you're like you all are so boxed in if you go on a date and you're just like not sure where to take that conversation, go get an idea or get a couple of those before you go on dates or whatever.

865
00:58:44.000 --> 00:58:56.000
But yeah, look forward to hearing how that visit goes. Let us know when he's coming to visit. So we know kind of praying for you in advance because that's important part of that that process for everybody.

866
00:58:56.000 --> 00:59:06.000
Yeah, for sure. Thank you. You're welcome. Elizabeth, how about you.

867
00:59:06.000 --> 00:59:24.000
Um, so the long distance thing is kind of new for me as well, because I was like I have kids so I was thinking no, you know, long distance is never going to happen kind of thing and so listening to Jackie talking and like be open to things and not like

868
00:59:25.000 --> 00:59:27.000
and things like that.

869
00:59:27.000 --> 00:59:39.000
Um, I decided that okay if like a long distance does come up, then I'll at least give it a shot. And like a couple of days after I because I had prayed about it.

870
00:59:39.000 --> 00:59:46.000
Like couple days after I prayed about it and just kind of had peace about that I matched with someone who is five hours away from me.

871
00:59:46.000 --> 01:00:00.000
And it's not a big deal for him. And so, I guess Mike we've had a couple of zoom dates we we kind of pretty much talk on the phone almost every day.

872
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.200
or we're trying to decide next weekend

873
01:00:04.200 --> 01:00:05.640
when I don't have my kids,

874
01:00:05.640 --> 01:00:10.260
how we can meet up to have an in-person date.

875
01:00:10.260 --> 01:00:14.680
And so part of my question was kind of like

876
01:00:14.680 --> 01:00:18.640
what Danny said too about as far as like how many times,

877
01:00:18.640 --> 01:00:20.400
so that part's already been answered,

878
01:00:20.400 --> 01:00:24.480
but I guess kind of to piggyback off of that as well,

879
01:00:24.480 --> 01:00:29.480
like how many times do you try to see someone

880
01:00:30.360 --> 01:00:34.720
long distance before you bring kids into the mix?

881
01:00:34.720 --> 01:00:36.240
That's like one of my questions,

882
01:00:36.240 --> 01:00:40.800
because he has a son and then I have three kids.

883
01:00:40.800 --> 01:00:44.960
And so, you know, and then another question is like

884
01:00:46.280 --> 01:00:48.240
being that we're only like five hours away,

885
01:00:48.240 --> 01:00:50.480
which I guess isn't that much,

886
01:00:51.360 --> 01:00:53.880
like how many times do you try to see each other?

887
01:00:53.880 --> 01:00:58.040
Like once a month or once every couple of weeks or like?

888
01:00:58.040 --> 01:00:59.400
So let me ask you this,

889
01:00:59.400 --> 01:01:01.800
cause this is something Jackie would do.

890
01:01:02.760 --> 01:01:06.760
Does he have full custody by himself of his kids?

891
01:01:06.760 --> 01:01:08.120
Yes, he does.

892
01:01:08.120 --> 01:01:10.780
Is mom also involved in their lives?

893
01:01:12.120 --> 01:01:14.520
His son's mom is not involved.

894
01:01:15.880 --> 01:01:19.920
It's kind of an odd situation, I guess, with him

895
01:01:19.920 --> 01:01:24.240
when his son was just a few weeks old,

896
01:01:24.240 --> 01:01:29.240
his wife threw the baby across the room

897
01:01:30.560 --> 01:01:35.560
and was very lucky in how the baby landed

898
01:01:35.640 --> 01:01:37.960
that she did not kill him.

899
01:01:37.960 --> 01:01:41.600
But so it got to a situation

900
01:01:41.600 --> 01:01:43.640
where she just walked out of their lives

901
01:01:43.640 --> 01:01:47.240
and she's never been in his life ever since.

902
01:01:47.240 --> 01:01:50.600
And so her custody rights and everything

903
01:01:50.600 --> 01:01:52.080
have been taken away from her.

904
01:01:52.080 --> 01:01:54.960
So she hasn't had contact for since then

905
01:01:54.960 --> 01:01:57.400
and his son is 11.

906
01:01:57.400 --> 01:01:59.160
And that's his only child?

907
01:01:59.160 --> 01:02:00.000
Yes.

908
01:02:00.000 --> 01:02:01.000
Okay. Okay.

909
01:02:01.000 --> 01:02:02.960
The only reason I felt like it was important

910
01:02:02.960 --> 01:02:06.920
to ask that question is because for any of you,

911
01:02:06.920 --> 01:02:09.640
whether they're long distance, I mean, it may,

912
01:02:09.640 --> 01:02:11.880
it's a bigger thing when they're long distance, obviously,

913
01:02:11.880 --> 01:02:16.640
but like if people can't move and they have kids,

914
01:02:16.640 --> 01:02:19.600
like it's really not good for you to start trying

915
01:02:19.600 --> 01:02:21.280
to like get connected to them.

916
01:02:21.280 --> 01:02:24.520
Because if you can't move and they can't move,

917
01:02:24.520 --> 01:02:27.200
then you're growing in relationship with someone

918
01:02:27.200 --> 01:02:29.800
where that just can't even happen.

919
01:02:29.800 --> 01:02:32.400
Now, am I saying that there aren't times

920
01:02:32.400 --> 01:02:33.800
that God can work in a situation

921
01:02:33.800 --> 01:02:36.240
and just supernaturally change something?

922
01:02:36.240 --> 01:02:37.160
Yes.

923
01:02:37.160 --> 01:02:39.880
We had that happen recently with Carla Francis.

924
01:02:39.880 --> 01:02:41.920
She's about to get married in a month,

925
01:02:41.920 --> 01:02:45.680
but that it doesn't happen often, y'all.

926
01:02:47.320 --> 01:02:51.160
So the question about you all,

927
01:02:51.920 --> 01:02:54.560
are you asking, like, what's your specific question?

928
01:02:54.560 --> 01:02:55.400
I'm sorry.

929
01:02:56.760 --> 01:03:00.920
Just, I guess, kind of just how many times

930
01:03:00.920 --> 01:03:05.480
or like how soon would you introduce the kids

931
01:03:05.480 --> 01:03:06.560
into the situation?

932
01:03:06.560 --> 01:03:07.400
Oh, yes. Yes.

933
01:03:07.400 --> 01:03:08.800
Thank you.

934
01:03:08.800 --> 01:03:10.920
You know, I don't think I would introduce them

935
01:03:10.920 --> 01:03:12.320
until you guys have decided

936
01:03:12.320 --> 01:03:14.920
that you're going to exclusively date.

937
01:03:14.920 --> 01:03:15.760
Right.

938
01:03:15.760 --> 01:03:16.600
Number one.

939
01:03:16.600 --> 01:03:18.840
But I think, you know, I'd have to go back

940
01:03:18.840 --> 01:03:20.560
and listen to the last couple Ask Jackies,

941
01:03:20.600 --> 01:03:23.040
but I think she's addressed this a couple of times

942
01:03:23.040 --> 01:03:26.800
and I would defer to what she is saying on that timeframe

943
01:03:26.800 --> 01:03:28.560
because you don't want to introduce them too soon

944
01:03:28.560 --> 01:03:32.240
because kids get super attached, you know.

945
01:03:32.240 --> 01:03:33.160
I've been through that.

946
01:03:33.160 --> 01:03:35.120
Even the guy I dated before, I mean,

947
01:03:35.120 --> 01:03:37.560
I stayed in that relationship way too long

948
01:03:37.560 --> 01:03:39.000
because I was attached to the kids.

949
01:03:39.000 --> 01:03:40.680
So you got to be really careful.

950
01:03:41.600 --> 01:03:43.720
I think, if I remember correctly,

951
01:03:43.720 --> 01:03:45.720
she said something like six months.

952
01:03:47.720 --> 01:03:48.640
I think.

953
01:03:48.640 --> 01:03:50.080
But don't quote me on that.

954
01:03:50.480 --> 01:03:52.680
Now, if I'm wrong, you all don't quote me.

955
01:03:52.680 --> 01:03:53.520
I got to go back.

956
01:03:53.520 --> 01:03:54.920
But I feel like I heard her say that

957
01:03:54.920 --> 01:03:57.720
on one of the last couple Ask Jackies.

958
01:03:57.720 --> 01:03:58.960
I try to listen to all those

959
01:03:58.960 --> 01:04:01.920
so I can stay up with what she's telling y'all.

960
01:04:01.920 --> 01:04:05.040
But yeah, so you got to keep getting to know him.

961
01:04:05.040 --> 01:04:06.760
And I would say, just be careful

962
01:04:06.760 --> 01:04:09.360
on the talking on the phone every day.

963
01:04:09.360 --> 01:04:11.280
You know, Brian and I were long distance

964
01:04:11.280 --> 01:04:14.120
and we didn't talk on the phone every day

965
01:04:14.120 --> 01:04:15.680
because he had a job.

966
01:04:15.680 --> 01:04:17.120
I had a job.

967
01:04:17.160 --> 01:04:19.880
You know, we text each other

968
01:04:19.880 --> 01:04:23.160
and we would do Zoom dates every couple nights,

969
01:04:23.160 --> 01:04:27.240
but we also felt like it was really good to pace ourselves

970
01:04:27.240 --> 01:04:29.480
so that we would miss each other,

971
01:04:29.480 --> 01:04:31.280
you know, in between a little bit.

972
01:04:31.280 --> 01:04:35.440
So I would encourage you to probably not talk to him

973
01:04:35.440 --> 01:04:38.160
on the phone every single day.

974
01:04:38.160 --> 01:04:40.000
You guys need to get together in person

975
01:04:40.000 --> 01:04:42.480
and let's see what God wants to do with you guys

976
01:04:42.480 --> 01:04:46.160
after you meet in person before you grow too, too attached

977
01:04:46.160 --> 01:04:48.560
through that emotional connection growing there.

978
01:04:50.400 --> 01:04:54.360
I want to mention, I saw something in the chat.

979
01:04:54.360 --> 01:04:56.360
I wanted to kind of hone in on this

980
01:04:56.360 --> 01:04:58.000
and then we're going to start to close tonight out.

981
01:04:58.000 --> 01:05:00.400
I can't even believe it's already been an hour, y'all.

982
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.720
Cause I'm sitting here. I think we've talked a lot about long distance tonight.

983
01:05:02.720 --> 01:05:03.960
That's a piece of my story,

984
01:05:03.960 --> 01:05:07.520
but there's a lot of you guys that have questions about dating in, you know,

985
01:05:07.520 --> 01:05:10.760
your local people that are local. So don't think we've forgotten about you.

986
01:05:10.780 --> 01:05:14.400
This was just kind of the two directions we took it tonight. Um,

987
01:05:14.440 --> 01:05:17.680
but Kathy said, what about those of us who have done everything?

988
01:05:17.680 --> 01:05:21.480
We're being asked to do, but nothing is happening. Do I still need healing?

989
01:05:21.960 --> 01:05:23.880
I think this is the thing. Um,

990
01:05:25.680 --> 01:05:28.840
I think don't give up and it will happen.

991
01:05:29.080 --> 01:05:34.000
I think getting out, one of the things I did, I was a homebody. Um,

992
01:05:34.440 --> 01:05:39.040
and so I started going to places. I didn't not like bars or anything,

993
01:05:39.040 --> 01:05:42.000
so don't hear what I'm not saying, but I started going to places.

994
01:05:42.000 --> 01:05:45.880
I didn't normally go. Um, I started driving home different places.

995
01:05:45.880 --> 01:05:49.040
I would go to the coffee shop and sit there and, um,

996
01:05:49.280 --> 01:05:52.160
and maybe you're already doing all those things, Kathy. I'm not sure,

997
01:05:52.180 --> 01:05:56.680
but I just want to encourage you. Like sometimes it just takes time. Um,

998
01:05:57.480 --> 01:05:59.920
I think that, um,

999
01:05:59.920 --> 01:06:04.000
just because I know from the heart work stuff you were working on, um,

1000
01:06:04.200 --> 01:06:07.320
I don't think God's withholding anything from you. I think it will come.

1001
01:06:07.760 --> 01:06:11.280
Just keep putting yourself out there. Keep trying to get to know some people.

1002
01:06:11.600 --> 01:06:15.920
Um, you know, just if there's anyone that, you know,

1003
01:06:16.600 --> 01:06:20.320
that had mentioned in the past that they would be interested in introducing you

1004
01:06:20.320 --> 01:06:21.160
to someone,

1005
01:06:21.480 --> 01:06:24.720
you might want to go back to those people because even if they were no in the

1006
01:06:24.720 --> 01:06:26.800
past, unless they're really unhealthy, if they're unhealthy,

1007
01:06:26.800 --> 01:06:30.440
you don't want that. But if they were in a no in the past,

1008
01:06:30.440 --> 01:06:34.960
it might've been because, you know, our hearts are different when we're broken.

1009
01:06:34.960 --> 01:06:39.640
We see things different. We see people differently, all that kind of stuff. Um,

1010
01:06:40.080 --> 01:06:43.840
but I would, I would encourage you to, um,

1011
01:06:43.880 --> 01:06:46.400
plan a trip sincerely. Like y'all,

1012
01:06:46.440 --> 01:06:50.240
when I was struggling and I, I honestly,

1013
01:06:50.560 --> 01:06:52.240
the only reason I didn't want to go on the DAP,

1014
01:06:52.320 --> 01:06:55.000
the dating apps was because of what happened with that other guy,

1015
01:06:55.000 --> 01:06:59.240
but I was scared and I was afraid to attract the wrong people. Um,

1016
01:06:59.240 --> 01:07:02.120
so for a little while, I went on several trips,

1017
01:07:02.120 --> 01:07:05.960
like by myself and met up with women. And, you know, some of them were,

1018
01:07:06.000 --> 01:07:08.800
some of them were connected to this movement, but some of them weren't.

1019
01:07:09.200 --> 01:07:13.480
And I just, I really started like investing in me,

1020
01:07:14.200 --> 01:07:18.880
investing in me, having fun and enjoying my life and

1021
01:07:19.000 --> 01:07:23.520
asking God to bring the people in the process. And then when God, you know,

1022
01:07:23.520 --> 01:07:26.400
kind of through Jackie was like, it's time, you know,

1023
01:07:26.400 --> 01:07:29.600
then I got on the dating apps, but, um,

1024
01:07:29.680 --> 01:07:32.280
there's a lot of people meeting people in person still.

1025
01:07:32.280 --> 01:07:34.680
It's not just on the dating apps that that's happening.

1026
01:07:35.480 --> 01:07:37.400
So I don't know if that encourages you at all, Kathy,

1027
01:07:37.400 --> 01:07:40.720
but those would be a couple of things I would recommend doing.

1028
01:07:42.920 --> 01:07:47.840
Yeah. It's really tough ladies, um, to not get discouraged.

1029
01:07:47.880 --> 01:07:51.680
I will, I know it sounds like everything was roses.

1030
01:07:51.680 --> 01:07:55.840
I can promise you it wasn't, I cried, like even with Justin,

1031
01:07:55.840 --> 01:07:58.080
like I kind of glossed over it tonight. I,

1032
01:07:58.240 --> 01:08:03.000
I cried a little bit because I so badly wanted it to

1033
01:08:03.000 --> 01:08:07.440
work, even though I didn't feel like he was the right match. Um,

1034
01:08:07.480 --> 01:08:12.200
so just being honest with yourself, talking to God about how you really feel. Uh,

1035
01:08:12.200 --> 01:08:16.479
I remember also like when I first started like getting dates, like, Oh my God,

1036
01:08:16.479 --> 01:08:18.720
like I wanted to lose so much more weight by now.

1037
01:08:18.720 --> 01:08:23.720
Like I was panicking about all kinds of stuff. So just, um,

1038
01:08:23.760 --> 01:08:25.800
be kind to yourself, everyone,

1039
01:08:25.800 --> 01:08:30.479
be kind to yourselves and keep doing the next best thing that God

1040
01:08:30.479 --> 01:08:34.200
shows you to do. And I believe every time we keep doing those steps,

1041
01:08:34.200 --> 01:08:38.880
it leads to that next door opening that next thing that God wants

1042
01:08:39.279 --> 01:08:41.040
to show us or heal us up,

1043
01:08:41.040 --> 01:08:45.880
but also some of the fun stuff that comes in that process too. So

1044
01:08:47.080 --> 01:08:51.880
I hate to, I know I have three ladies, four, four ladies sitting waiting,

1045
01:08:52.080 --> 01:08:56.000
but I have to close it tonight. We will be doing these love seats. Um,

1046
01:08:56.080 --> 01:08:57.800
once a month again, we're, you know, we're,

1047
01:08:58.120 --> 01:08:59.720
I know they've done them a couple of times,

1048
01:08:59.720 --> 01:09:01.840
but we're bringing them back on a monthly basis now.

1049
01:09:02.160 --> 01:09:06.439
So come back next month and I don't know if I'll be here or Jackie or who will

1050
01:09:06.439 --> 01:09:09.880
be here, but we would love to continue to talk these through with you guys.

1051
01:09:10.080 --> 01:09:13.520
For those of you that weren't able to share, feel free to put those, you know,

1052
01:09:13.520 --> 01:09:17.359
in your group, you know, because then we'll, we can respond to you all there.

1053
01:09:17.600 --> 01:09:22.000
All right. God bless you guys. I hope this was enjoyable for those of you that

1054
01:09:22.000 --> 01:09:24.000
love the poster board thing. Hey,

1055
01:09:24.080 --> 01:09:27.920
I'm looking forward to hearing some nicknames, some fun stuff.

1056
01:09:27.920 --> 01:09:31.479
I hope this was a blessing tonight. God bless you guys. See you soon.

1057
01:09:31.640 --> 01:09:32.640
Thank you. Bye.