WEBVTT

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All right, you guys, welcome to our first loveseat of 2024.

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Can you believe it?

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2024.

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Here we are, our first loveseat of 2024.

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And we have some really good things to dig into today.

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Of course, we're always going to take your questions.

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So if you want to put your questions in the chat, I am on my phone.

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My studio is being redone right now.

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We actually renovated our garage into a studio space.

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So instead of being in one of the back bedrooms of our house,

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We wanted to free that bedroom space up for a bedroom.

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And so we went ahead and put our stuff into our garage.

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And so my husband is still tinkering around with that.

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Making that doable for me.

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And so in the meantime, I'm going to be right here on my couch.

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With you on the phone. Okay.

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And so I actually should have done my iPad.

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That probably would have been better, but that's okay.

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We will make it work.

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So I don't have access to the chat unless I actually open it.

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So I will look in there periodically.

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To see what it is that you guys are saying in there. Okay.

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But we do have some things to go ahead and launch into.

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There are a couple of people that said they wanted to join me tonight

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and jump into the love seat. If you're just coming into phase three.

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Love seat is something that we do every month where it is a live

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interactive Q and a about dating and relationships, heartwork.

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You know,

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pretty much anything that you want to talk about as single men and

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women in the body of Christ, right? Cause we're Christians here. So what,

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what do single Christians deal with?

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Some of it's crossover into just singles in general,

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but some of it is definitely tailor-made to our spirituality.

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And to the things that we.

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Are adhering to when we are followers of Christ.

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And so we'll talk about anything and everything. Nothing's off limits.

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We are having co-ed love seats this month. And so we do have guys here.

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So if you're squeamish or prudish about talking about certain things in

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front of the opposite sex,

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then you're probably in the wrong place tonight because we're going to

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talk about whatever comes up.

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And we're all adults here and we'll be fine. I promise you,

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you will be okay.

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All right. And so.

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If you're here and you wanted to jump into the love seat,

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just go ahead and raise your hand so that I can see you.

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Once again, if you're just coming into phase three,

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love seat is something that we do every month where it is a live

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conversation.

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And we're going to be talking about a couple of things.

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And so we're going to jump into phase three.

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Once again, if you're just coming into phase three,

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the way the love seat works is we do Q and a,

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but then there are people that want to specifically talk about their

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situation.

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And so they're going to jump in the love seat.

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Meaning that we're going to have a conversation about their situation.

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So we can all learn because maybe you're going to be in their situation

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someday as well.

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Whether it's with their dating someone who has kids or they're having

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trouble on the apps or they've run into some kind of roadblock in their

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relationship.

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And so we're going to have a conversation about that.

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And we're going to have people for the whole group.

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I'm live here in the love seat. Okay.

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And so I just see Sherry with her hand up. I think that Joanne,

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if Joanne's going to come tonight.

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We're definitely going to talk about that.

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And then I did earmark a couple of things that people said.

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Actually in the group as well that I thought would be good for just a

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public discussion.

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All right, so let's pray father God. We're so thankful.

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We're so thankful for you.

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We're so thankful for your grace and your love.

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And we're so thankful for your revelation and wisdom from heaven on our

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love lives.

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We know that that is important to you.

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And so we ask that you would give us clarity tonight.

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That you would give us direction.

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Tonight that you would help us to understand what we need to understand

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corporately and individually.

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So that we can be propelled and accelerated forward in Jesus name.

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Amen.

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All right.

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I did see one question. We'll go ahead and kick off with this.

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This is a question from a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a,

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a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a,

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a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a.

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A couple of people said that they thought they might've scared a new,

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a new prospect away because they shared too much,

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too quickly about themselves.

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But in their defense, they said,

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I really didn't want to get to know someone unless they knew these things

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about me because.

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I don't want to get my hopes up, get too far into getting to know someone,

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just to have them reject me.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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I mean,

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one of the things that I think is important to share is that they have a

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driving situation. They don't drive because they have seizures.

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And my, my daughter's boyfriend's dad has that situation.

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He's about, I don't know, 52, 53 years old,

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but he has some form of epilepsy where he has had massive seizures in the

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past. And, you know,

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they take away your driver's license when you have seizures because they do

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not want you.

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Having a seizure while you're driving. Right.

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And so that is something that happens until you're seizure free for a

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certain amount of time. You can not, you know,

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you can have your license revoked.

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And so that's what's happening to the sister in our community.

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And so she thought that was important to share with someone who she's only,

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you know, just getting to know.

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And she's wondering if that may have scared them away.

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So let's talk about that just briefly.

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First of all,

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I don't believe you can scare your spirit mate away.

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So let's all just breathe a sigh of relief there.

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I don't think that we can scare our spirit mate away.

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And when I say spirit mate,

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I don't just mean that there's one person for you out there

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and that's the one, your spirit mate.

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I believe I should maybe use that language.

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I don't believe that you can scare a spirit mate away.

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How about that?

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Instead of the spirit mate, let's say a spirit mate.

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Because I believe in different seasons,

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there's different people that are compatible to us.

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And depending on when we're ready to partner,

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I believe that that person could be the person

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that we connect with in that season.

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Or maybe there would have been a better choice

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in a previous season for a spirit mate for us,

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a partner for ministry.

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You know, I hate to use this analogy,

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but I'm gonna go ahead and use it because it makes sense.

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Before there was Paul and Silas,

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there was Paul and Barnabas.

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They were, they were yoked together for ministry,

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weren't they?

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They were doing ministry.

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For some portion of time, you know,

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and I know that wasn't romantic or sexual in nature,

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and I'm not implying that at all.

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All I'm implying is that they were partnered.

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And then there came a time when there really wasn't,

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you know, it wasn't compatible

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for them to continue on together.

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But then there was another partner, right?

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And so it's important for us to understand

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that God has people for our lives

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in every area of our lives to help us to accomplish

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the dream that God had for our lives.

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So whether that's business partners or friendships,

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community, and also romantic relationships.

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These romantic relationships are not just to procreate

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and have lineage and legacy.

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They're not just romantic in nature.

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They're also ministerial in nature

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to fulfill God's assignment on your life

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because it's a two-person job, not a one-person job.

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And for those of you that are widows and widowers,

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I believe that God has someone to help you finish the work.

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Finish it.

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And yeah, you're gonna be in love with them.

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And yeah, you're gonna enjoy all the romantic aspects

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of that relationship.

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I'm not trying to dumb it down and make it not romantic,

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but I am trying to tell you that it's for more than that.

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Okay, so I don't believe you can scare a spirit maid away

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if that's someone who could possibly partner

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with you in this season.

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That being said, I do think you can make things

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a lot more complicated by sharing things

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that are above that pay grade

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of that person's relationship with you.

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They're getting to know you.

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They don't know you yet.

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And so there are certain things

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that they don't need to know about you yet.

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They don't need to know about all your problems.

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They don't need to know about your restrictions

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and your driving.

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They don't need to know about the corn on your toe

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that causes you to have to wear a size bigger in shoes.

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They don't need to know about your bunions.

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Don't tell them about that.

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That's none of their business right now.

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And yes, I'm being funny,

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but I mean, people will share the most personal things

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with people that they don't need to share that with.

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And I know that we're like,

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well, I just wanna go ahead and get the rejection over.

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No, that's not how that works.

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You don't have to go ahead and get the rejection over.

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There are some things that people need to wait

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to know about you and that they need to care about you

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before that's not gonna maybe make a difference

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in their minds and hearts towards you.

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Let them develop some sort of rapport with you

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and possibly even affection towards you

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before you share things that you think are negative.

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Let's start on the right foot.

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You know, have you ever heard the saying

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that in new relationships,

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people always put their best foot forward?

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And that's become kind of negative, right?

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Like, oh, well, I don't know who they really are yet

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because they're still putting their best foot forward.

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You should be putting your best foot forward.

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Don't put your worst foot forward.

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Don't put your bunion foot forward, okay?

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Save that for later.

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Right now, put your best foot forward.

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Put your best well-heeled foot forward.

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Show them the best about you.

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Let them be wooed.

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Let them be infatuated with you.

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Don't tell them or air all your dirty laundry

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about your former spouse, about your custody arrangement.

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You know, don't tell them

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about all your physical and health problems.

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Don't give them a list of the medications that you're on.

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Do not do that when you're getting to know someone, okay?

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So that's my answer to that.

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You'll know when it's the right time

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to tell people personal information about yourself,

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but it's not at the beginning.

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Okay, is Joanne here?

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I'm here.

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You are? Where are you?

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I'm here. Can you see me?

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No.

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Can anyone else hear?

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Oh, I see you. Hi.

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Hi.

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Okay. All right.

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So I have, I didn't get a chance to talk to you

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privately about what it was.

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So let's go ahead and jump in

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and share with the group, like, your thoughts.

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Okay.

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So I'm going to go ahead and jump in.

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your dating situation.

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Okay.

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I'm going to go ahead and share with the group

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So if I cry, I cry.

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your thoughts about what it was.

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That's just crying.

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So let's go ahead and jump in.

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Good.

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Um, well, so let me just say what you just spoke about was kind of what happened initially

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And I'm going to go ahead and share with the group

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your thoughts about what it was.

256
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when I started dating this guy.

257
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Um, I actually came in like not intentionally, not trauma dumping, you know, it's like learning

258
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my lesson, like don't do that.

259
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But he came in and he was like, I tend to overshare like all of his past stuff.

260
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And like all the struggles and the sins and the stuff he's healing from.

261
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And I was like, okay, you know, so it kind of was just, I mean, it was a lot.

262
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And then I shared like a little bit about my journey, you know, with chronic illness

263
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and stuff, but like not a lot.

264
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And I think that I even shared in the group about a month in, like, I was really excited

265
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about this relationship because I felt like there was a lot of openness in the relationship.

266
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Um, but I will say that I think I mentioned at some point we've been together three months

267
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and it's, I just felt like the relationship has felt very, um, it's felt very intense

268
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and a lot of conversations about things.

269
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And like, I, in the past would maybe be the one to bring stuff up, but like, he's brought

270
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a lot of stuff up, like his insecurities.

271
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Um, and so we've had these like intense conversations, like trying to sort out, but because we were

272
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set up by somebody in the church, we really felt like the Holy spirit was like doing a

273
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thing.

274
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And like, he's, he really is wonderful.

275
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Like right before I got on, he's like, Hey, I just finished at the gym.

276
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Do you need food?

277
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I'll bring you food.

278
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Like, he's just very sacrificial, very kind, loves the Lord, um, tender towards me, like

279
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all the things, but I feel like we're both in this like anxious attachment, like push

280
00:11:52.960 --> 00:11:53.600
pull thing.

281
00:11:54.320 --> 00:12:03.840
And I feel like it's been so overwhelming, but I did have my first panic attack in December

282
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because I was like, I can't like do it anymore, you know, because with my health situation,

283
00:12:09.440 --> 00:12:13.280
like I don't have the threshold to process like that often or that much.

284
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And so we keep saying like, we just need to have fun together.

285
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We just need to have fun together.

286
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But like, I feel like that's been really, really hard for us.

287
00:12:23.280 --> 00:12:32.640
And so now when I, we came back from Christmas and I've straight up had panic attacks, like

288
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the last three days, and some of that's just coming off the holidays, but I just feel like

289
00:12:37.120 --> 00:12:42.880
it's been like, I've been in this like weird place with the relationship where like, I

290
00:12:42.880 --> 00:12:48.160
don't necessarily feel a lot of like, there's not a lot of like lightness to it.

291
00:12:48.960 --> 00:12:58.800
And, but it's like hard because I don't know, it's hard to like sum it all up, but I feel

292
00:12:58.800 --> 00:13:04.160
now anxious when I think about the relationship, like I feel anxious, even though he has all

293
00:13:04.160 --> 00:13:05.040
of these qualities.

294
00:13:05.040 --> 00:13:08.800
So like, even when he did witness panic attack, he just like praise with me and holds me like,

295
00:13:08.800 --> 00:13:13.920
he's just very, very sweet, thoughtful person and like wants the best for me.

296
00:13:13.920 --> 00:13:20.000
But it's like, I have found myself almost, I think just reaching my limit with the level

297
00:13:20.000 --> 00:13:27.040
of like trying so hard or something.

298
00:13:27.040 --> 00:13:28.160
Is this making any sense?

299
00:13:29.120 --> 00:13:29.440
Yeah.

300
00:13:29.440 --> 00:13:32.320
I mean, there's a couple of different things that I think we should go ahead and highlight

301
00:13:32.320 --> 00:13:33.440
so we can break it down.

302
00:13:33.440 --> 00:13:38.320
So once again, when someone gets in the love seat, it's because their situation has

303
00:13:38.400 --> 00:13:42.880
different elements and aspects to it that I feel like can help the whole group because

304
00:13:42.880 --> 00:13:45.680
maybe you're not going to deal with it exactly the same way, but you're going to deal with

305
00:13:45.680 --> 00:13:46.640
some element of it.

306
00:13:46.640 --> 00:13:49.760
So first of all, let's, let's go ahead and break this down.

307
00:13:50.560 --> 00:13:56.000
When you meet someone, remember everyone has, you know, they have green flags, they have

308
00:13:56.000 --> 00:13:56.720
yellow flags.

309
00:13:56.720 --> 00:14:01.920
Some people may even have some red flags about them, but what we don't want to do is we don't

310
00:14:01.920 --> 00:14:06.400
want to, and Joanne said this a couple of times when she was talking just now, we don't

311
00:14:06.400 --> 00:14:08.240
want to say, well, they do this.

312
00:14:08.240 --> 00:14:15.120
But they're so nice or they're, you know, they're so supportive or they're so selfless.

313
00:14:16.320 --> 00:14:19.920
We need to make sure that those things stay separate because they don't cancel each other

314
00:14:19.920 --> 00:14:20.560
out.

315
00:14:20.560 --> 00:14:21.200
Right.

316
00:14:21.200 --> 00:14:22.480
Does everyone understand that?

317
00:14:22.480 --> 00:14:28.320
It doesn't cancel just because someone if someone has something that is a yellow flag,

318
00:14:28.320 --> 00:14:32.560
maybe even it could actually be possibly a red flag, but then they have these green flags

319
00:14:32.560 --> 00:14:33.040
over here.

320
00:14:33.040 --> 00:14:36.160
They don't, green flags don't cancel out yellow or red flags.

321
00:14:36.960 --> 00:14:37.680
Okay.

322
00:14:37.680 --> 00:14:41.520
And all yellow flags are, are areas where people are still in process.

323
00:14:41.520 --> 00:14:42.560
We all have them.

324
00:14:43.600 --> 00:14:49.280
And I, you haven't said anything that I think is really red, but it can become red in the

325
00:14:49.280 --> 00:14:50.560
right circumstances.

326
00:14:50.560 --> 00:14:53.040
If that person is not working on changing it.

327
00:14:53.040 --> 00:14:57.120
Like when he first met you, he said to you that he knows that he's an over share.

328
00:14:57.760 --> 00:14:59.840
So really what that's code for is he knows that he.

329
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:04.400
goes too deep, too fast. He knows that, you know, he knows

330
00:15:04.400 --> 00:15:07.960
that he makes a strong emotional connection too quickly with

331
00:15:07.960 --> 00:15:10.280
people. Because when we overshare, that's what we're

332
00:15:10.280 --> 00:15:13.900
doing. We're inviting someone into the deeper places of our

333
00:15:13.900 --> 00:15:17.280
hearts of our of our trauma of our, you know, just life

334
00:15:17.280 --> 00:15:22.400
experience. And it's difficult to stay a stranger then right,

335
00:15:22.440 --> 00:15:25.020
you know, all this stuff about someone's life, they've invited

336
00:15:25.020 --> 00:15:29.440
you into this place, then it's it's hard to, you know, stay

337
00:15:30.000 --> 00:15:33.120
at a good pace as far as romantically. And so you guys

338
00:15:33.120 --> 00:15:35.880
have gotten in really deep. And so Joanne situation is that

339
00:15:35.880 --> 00:15:38.720
she's dealt with a lot of health problems that have made her for

340
00:15:38.720 --> 00:15:43.040
lack of a better word, fragile, you know, have made her fragile.

341
00:15:43.360 --> 00:15:46.280
Because when you deal with different things like, you know,

342
00:15:46.920 --> 00:15:50.000
post traumatic stress disorder, Lyme disease, or different things

343
00:15:50.000 --> 00:15:54.080
that cause you to physically and emotionally, and even mentally

344
00:15:54.080 --> 00:15:57.800
be fragile, then you really can't handle this is why Joanne

345
00:15:57.800 --> 00:16:00.480
wouldn't go off and just be a therapist right now. Maybe she'd

346
00:16:00.480 --> 00:16:03.440
even have a gift to be that. But she wouldn't do that. Why?

347
00:16:03.440 --> 00:16:09.520
Because you can't handle someone else's stuff when you're in a

348
00:16:09.520 --> 00:16:13.320
healing state yourself. You know, I've had lots of clients

349
00:16:13.320 --> 00:16:15.920
that are actually are therapists by trade and during their

350
00:16:15.920 --> 00:16:18.960
heartwork time because of the trauma that they've been

351
00:16:18.960 --> 00:16:21.720
through. They actually weren't working as therapists anymore.

352
00:16:22.000 --> 00:16:24.960
Because, you know, you can't heal when you're constantly

353
00:16:24.960 --> 00:16:28.240
empathically carrying someone else's stuff. And so that's

354
00:16:28.240 --> 00:16:30.720
really what's happened here, Joanne. And I don't think that

355
00:16:30.720 --> 00:16:36.360
your panic attacks necessarily are him fully, I think that just

356
00:16:36.360 --> 00:16:41.320
the weight of the the season of time and just everything, you

357
00:16:41.320 --> 00:16:44.600
know, I think that it could be like the perfect storm, so to

358
00:16:44.600 --> 00:16:48.760
speak. And so the very first thing you need to do is it's

359
00:16:48.760 --> 00:16:51.240
great that he holds you in praise for you while you're

360
00:16:51.240 --> 00:16:54.760
having a panic attack. But he also needs to understand that if

361
00:16:54.760 --> 00:17:00.080
his lack of boundaries is contributing to that, that, you

362
00:17:00.080 --> 00:17:02.600
know, it's an ounce of preventions worth a pound of

363
00:17:02.600 --> 00:17:06.720
cure. So it's a situation where it's like, hey, I need to dial

364
00:17:06.720 --> 00:17:11.400
back the intensity of the emotional connection here. You

365
00:17:11.400 --> 00:17:17.480
know, I can't carry all of your stuff. Because I'm still healing

366
00:17:17.520 --> 00:17:21.160
physically and emotionally. You know, he knows your situation,

367
00:17:21.160 --> 00:17:24.280
I'm assuming, you know, and that you just this is where you have

368
00:17:24.280 --> 00:17:28.359
to have, you know, a conversation. And then this is

369
00:17:28.359 --> 00:17:32.040
where we find out, you know, how emotionally mature other people

370
00:17:32.040 --> 00:17:36.320
are. If they start to realize, hey, you know, yeah, I really

371
00:17:36.320 --> 00:17:40.280
care about you. But you're not in a place to be able to you

372
00:17:40.280 --> 00:17:44.240
can't meet me here right now. You're not I'm not ready to meet

373
00:17:44.240 --> 00:17:47.880
you here right now. Right now. I'm ready to, you know, go

374
00:17:47.880 --> 00:17:51.640
surfing and go bike riding and have fun and you know, possibly

375
00:17:51.640 --> 00:17:58.000
go do this and laugh. Yeah, so very healing. And, you know, you

376
00:17:58.000 --> 00:18:00.960
came in as a result of one of my other success stories that I

377
00:18:00.960 --> 00:18:04.800
actually match made, and they had a very intense relationship

378
00:18:05.480 --> 00:18:10.120
that needed to be lightened as well. You know, because when

379
00:18:10.120 --> 00:18:13.080
you're dealing with people that are coming out of different, you

380
00:18:13.080 --> 00:18:16.760
know, backgrounds where they're healing or where they're in

381
00:18:16.760 --> 00:18:22.000
recovery or different things, you know, it's really easy to,

382
00:18:22.520 --> 00:18:27.600
to trauma bond. Right, for lack of a better word, that's what we

383
00:18:27.600 --> 00:18:30.200
do there. And it sounds like there's a little bit of that.

384
00:18:30.240 --> 00:18:33.600
But it also sounds like there's some really good stuff here,

385
00:18:33.600 --> 00:18:33.960
too.

386
00:18:35.000 --> 00:18:38.800
There is really good stuff. It's just weird, like, because it has

387
00:18:38.800 --> 00:18:44.200
been hard to have beef, like laugh and have fun and do those

388
00:18:44.240 --> 00:18:47.520
things. And then I have found myself all of a sudden being

389
00:18:47.520 --> 00:18:50.680
like, am I really attracted to you? Like, you know, it's like,

390
00:18:50.680 --> 00:18:54.320
I've started doing all the things like, you know, kind of

391
00:18:54.320 --> 00:19:02.240
just like, well, you know, you realize, for me, you know, I

392
00:19:02.240 --> 00:19:06.200
would have been the overshare, like, pretty much in all my past

393
00:19:06.200 --> 00:19:08.760
relationships, which is why this program has been so good for me.

394
00:19:09.080 --> 00:19:14.160
Right. And I do think that he's tried to be like, it's like,

395
00:19:14.160 --> 00:19:16.520
we're trying so hard to be healthy. And we're trying so

396
00:19:16.520 --> 00:19:20.040
hard to connect. But it's weird, because I guess with all this,

397
00:19:20.040 --> 00:19:24.880
it's almost like I don't feel a natural connection with him.

398
00:19:26.320 --> 00:19:29.040
It's like, all these things are good. And that's what's so weird

399
00:19:29.040 --> 00:19:32.240
about it's like, well, all these things are really good. But

400
00:19:32.240 --> 00:19:37.280
where is just the sense of me being like at ease in the

401
00:19:37.280 --> 00:19:42.040
relationship? And is it possible to get there? And if so, how

402
00:19:42.040 --> 00:19:45.080
like, and it's just a hard thing to discern because I don't want

403
00:19:45.600 --> 00:19:49.000
it's like my typical pattern of like, a good guy that gets away

404
00:19:49.000 --> 00:19:51.160
and then I regret it or whatever, you know what I mean?

405
00:19:51.160 --> 00:19:54.080
And what you said, I can't scare my spirit away or whatever. But

406
00:19:54.080 --> 00:19:58.200
I don't want to have that mentality of like, I'm the

407
00:19:58.200 --> 00:19:59.960
problem. It's always me. I'm what the good guys

408
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:03.040
blah, blah, blah, you know, but is it?

409
00:20:03.040 --> 00:20:07.200
No, but we have to dig deeper into when's the last time

410
00:20:07.200 --> 00:20:10.120
that you did feel at ease in a relationship?

411
00:20:10.120 --> 00:20:13.160
You know, we have to remember that, you know,

412
00:20:13.160 --> 00:20:16.120
we're not gonna magically feel at ease in a relationship

413
00:20:16.120 --> 00:20:18.320
if that's not something that we normally choose

414
00:20:18.320 --> 00:20:19.720
for relationships.

415
00:20:19.720 --> 00:20:22.260
You know, if you come out of past relationships

416
00:20:22.260 --> 00:20:24.220
where they were very tumultuous,

417
00:20:24.220 --> 00:20:26.760
it was a roller coaster ride, you know,

418
00:20:26.760 --> 00:20:28.600
he loves me, he loves me not.

419
00:20:28.680 --> 00:20:31.200
And then, you know, coming into another relationship

420
00:20:31.200 --> 00:20:33.440
where the person is definitely more kind

421
00:20:33.440 --> 00:20:35.200
and considerate and caring,

422
00:20:35.200 --> 00:20:37.040
but at the same time, they seem to have

423
00:20:37.040 --> 00:20:39.720
some of the same damage as you in a way,

424
00:20:39.720 --> 00:20:42.080
you know, as far as, you know,

425
00:20:42.080 --> 00:20:43.720
a little bit of anxious attachment.

426
00:20:43.720 --> 00:20:46.180
And you guys, anxious attachment almost always,

427
00:20:46.180 --> 00:20:47.880
anxious attachment almost always

428
00:20:47.880 --> 00:20:49.580
chooses avoidant attachment.

429
00:20:50.520 --> 00:20:53.240
We are gonna have a new video that I'm gonna do

430
00:20:53.240 --> 00:20:54.640
about attachment theory.

431
00:20:54.640 --> 00:20:58.280
Attachment theory is very simple, it just says this,

432
00:20:59.120 --> 00:21:00.880
you know, back in our, back in, you know,

433
00:21:00.880 --> 00:21:03.960
not even in our divine state,

434
00:21:03.960 --> 00:21:05.900
but in our less cursed state,

435
00:21:05.900 --> 00:21:07.240
let's say our less cursed state,

436
00:21:07.240 --> 00:21:08.940
like back in the day, you know,

437
00:21:08.940 --> 00:21:12.440
people lived in communities, they lived in villages,

438
00:21:12.440 --> 00:21:14.180
you know, your family's house,

439
00:21:14.180 --> 00:21:16.720
when Abraham left his father's house, that was a thing,

440
00:21:16.720 --> 00:21:18.920
he didn't leave his father's actual house,

441
00:21:18.920 --> 00:21:21.320
he left his father's, the village,

442
00:21:21.320 --> 00:21:24.280
the community of his family, right?

443
00:21:24.280 --> 00:21:25.440
You didn't do that back then,

444
00:21:25.440 --> 00:21:27.060
that was very strange to do that.

445
00:21:27.060 --> 00:21:30.280
And so people were very interdependent on each other,

446
00:21:31.300 --> 00:21:35.300
okay, and interdependency creates secure attachment.

447
00:21:35.300 --> 00:21:37.420
If you wake up as a child every day,

448
00:21:37.420 --> 00:21:38.940
knowing that, you know,

449
00:21:38.940 --> 00:21:41.060
it's not just mom and dad that I can depend on,

450
00:21:41.060 --> 00:21:43.060
but grandma and grandpa live two doors down,

451
00:21:43.060 --> 00:21:44.940
and auntie and uncle live over here,

452
00:21:44.940 --> 00:21:47.040
and my other aunt who's single lives here,

453
00:21:47.040 --> 00:21:48.520
and you understand what happens

454
00:21:48.520 --> 00:21:50.340
when you feel like you're part of a community

455
00:21:50.340 --> 00:21:54.660
where whatever you have need of, it can be met, right?

456
00:21:54.660 --> 00:21:56.940
But what happened was, is that, you know,

457
00:21:57.780 --> 00:21:59.220
wars happened, and genocides happened,

458
00:21:59.220 --> 00:22:02.460
and all kinds of, you know, more traumatic events happened,

459
00:22:02.460 --> 00:22:05.860
and then it became the survival of the fittest.

460
00:22:05.860 --> 00:22:08.300
It became a situation where the strongest people

461
00:22:08.300 --> 00:22:10.940
within that community would detach,

462
00:22:10.940 --> 00:22:13.000
and kind of forge out on their own,

463
00:22:13.000 --> 00:22:15.860
because they had the best chance of survival.

464
00:22:15.860 --> 00:22:17.500
Does that make sense to everyone?

465
00:22:18.780 --> 00:22:20.840
You don't wanna carry around a bunch of dead weight with you

466
00:22:20.840 --> 00:22:23.400
if you're in the middle of some kind of, you know,

467
00:22:24.620 --> 00:22:26.140
big situation.

468
00:22:26.140 --> 00:22:28.020
So you don't wanna have to try to, you know,

469
00:22:28.020 --> 00:22:29.900
everyone to survive, you have to survive,

470
00:22:29.900 --> 00:22:31.980
and so that's kind of where that came from,

471
00:22:31.980 --> 00:22:34.060
and a lot of you were born into situations

472
00:22:34.060 --> 00:22:36.620
where it wasn't safe, you came into dysfunctional families

473
00:22:36.620 --> 00:22:39.100
or broken families, and that is a recipe

474
00:22:39.100 --> 00:22:43.660
for avoidant attachment, okay, and or anxious attachment,

475
00:22:43.660 --> 00:22:45.860
and so that is where that comes from,

476
00:22:45.860 --> 00:22:47.300
and I will tell you, so Joanne,

477
00:22:47.300 --> 00:22:49.100
one of the things that you said is you said, you know,

478
00:22:49.100 --> 00:22:51.660
now as we're getting involved in this situation,

479
00:22:51.660 --> 00:22:54.560
just so you know, I see a lot of yellow flags

480
00:22:54.560 --> 00:22:56.920
that would have to be overcome in a relationship,

481
00:22:56.920 --> 00:22:59.720
but then you start picking the person apart.

482
00:22:59.720 --> 00:23:02.640
That is classic avoidant attachment, right?

483
00:23:02.640 --> 00:23:06.000
It's like, let me find something wrong with this person

484
00:23:06.000 --> 00:23:08.280
to give myself permission to leave.

485
00:23:08.280 --> 00:23:10.960
Let me pick a fight with this relationship

486
00:23:10.960 --> 00:23:12.700
so that I can leave, right?

487
00:23:12.700 --> 00:23:13.540
And so-

488
00:23:15.040 --> 00:23:15.880
What?

489
00:23:15.880 --> 00:23:19.480
Actually, I've realized I actually am disorganized,

490
00:23:19.480 --> 00:23:23.120
like I have anxious and avoidant tendencies, so that's-

491
00:23:23.120 --> 00:23:24.680
Yeah, that's what I just said at the beginning.

492
00:23:24.680 --> 00:23:26.200
You have avoidant and anxious,

493
00:23:26.200 --> 00:23:29.080
and anxious almost always turns into avoidant.

494
00:23:29.080 --> 00:23:30.600
You know, people think it's just one or the other,

495
00:23:30.600 --> 00:23:33.120
but it really is not at all,

496
00:23:33.120 --> 00:23:35.680
because once we get the thing that we think we want,

497
00:23:35.680 --> 00:23:38.280
then we start, you know, then we start being afraid

498
00:23:39.640 --> 00:23:41.040
of being with that thing,

499
00:23:41.040 --> 00:23:42.800
and then we start picking a fight with,

500
00:23:42.800 --> 00:23:45.240
I don't like the way they dress, or you know what?

501
00:23:45.240 --> 00:23:48.440
I don't like the way their mouth moves when they talk.

502
00:23:48.440 --> 00:23:50.760
You know, you guys, the craziest things.

503
00:23:50.800 --> 00:23:53.880
I don't like, you know, their jaw clicks when they eat.

504
00:23:53.880 --> 00:23:56.560
I don't think that I could deal with that long-term.

505
00:23:56.560 --> 00:23:58.400
I know that it sounds funny, but you guys,

506
00:23:58.400 --> 00:24:00.840
it actually gets in the way of romantic feelings.

507
00:24:00.840 --> 00:24:05.240
It can actually steal whatever infatuation that you have

508
00:24:05.240 --> 00:24:07.680
when you start micro-focusing in on this person

509
00:24:07.680 --> 00:24:11.560
and all the things that you don't like about them, okay?

510
00:24:11.560 --> 00:24:13.720
Those are things that you're not supposed to notice

511
00:24:13.720 --> 00:24:15.520
until you've been married for 15 years,

512
00:24:15.520 --> 00:24:17.480
and you're like, can you just go eat in the other room,

513
00:24:17.480 --> 00:24:19.760
because you're grossing me out.

514
00:24:20.640 --> 00:24:22.560
That's not something that should happen

515
00:24:22.560 --> 00:24:24.840
when you're first getting to know someone, right?

516
00:24:24.840 --> 00:24:27.160
You should still have on those rose-colored glasses of,

517
00:24:27.160 --> 00:24:30.160
oh, this person's great, they're wonderful.

518
00:24:31.520 --> 00:24:34.840
So also, I mean, I'm not gonna ask you publicly

519
00:24:34.840 --> 00:24:36.520
unless you wanna answer publicly,

520
00:24:36.520 --> 00:24:40.720
but one of another thing that I always,

521
00:24:40.720 --> 00:24:42.720
because I'm classic avoidant,

522
00:24:42.720 --> 00:24:47.720
is that I would pine away after a fantasy ex, the phantom ex.

523
00:24:48.600 --> 00:24:50.320
You know, I would start to compare them

524
00:24:50.320 --> 00:24:52.800
to someone who really was not great,

525
00:24:52.800 --> 00:24:54.760
and when I was with them, I was miserable,

526
00:24:54.760 --> 00:24:56.000
but when I'm not with them,

527
00:24:56.000 --> 00:24:58.400
I all of a sudden romanticize the situation.

528
00:24:58.400 --> 00:25:00.000
I start comparing them to them.

529
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.560
Like, you know, the fantasy X, the phantom X.

530
00:25:02.560 --> 00:25:05.520
So I don't know if you're doing that in this situation

531
00:25:05.520 --> 00:25:07.600
because I know you do have a phantom X.

532
00:25:08.480 --> 00:25:12.480
And so that also can be really detrimental

533
00:25:12.480 --> 00:25:14.120
to a relationship.

534
00:25:14.120 --> 00:25:15.280
Yeah.

535
00:25:15.280 --> 00:25:16.120
Also-

536
00:25:16.120 --> 00:25:19.360
I just lost that infatuated feeling and that's scary

537
00:25:19.360 --> 00:25:22.800
because we're only three months in, you know?

538
00:25:22.800 --> 00:25:23.720
Yeah.

539
00:25:23.720 --> 00:25:25.400
It's just, I haven't even had it.

540
00:25:25.400 --> 00:25:27.560
We've been, it's been so like,

541
00:25:27.560 --> 00:25:29.600
so much conversation and whatever.

542
00:25:29.600 --> 00:25:30.760
It's like that initially,

543
00:25:30.760 --> 00:25:33.560
it only lasted such a short amount of time.

544
00:25:33.560 --> 00:25:36.400
So I'm just, I'm just praying.

545
00:25:36.400 --> 00:25:38.360
I'm like, Lord, if this is-

546
00:25:38.360 --> 00:25:40.040
But let me, let me just say this though.

547
00:25:40.040 --> 00:25:42.360
The reason why it lasted such a short amount of time

548
00:25:42.360 --> 00:25:45.560
is because you guys covered, you know,

549
00:25:45.560 --> 00:25:49.800
five years worth of conversations in three months, right?

550
00:25:49.800 --> 00:25:51.320
So infatuation, you guys,

551
00:25:51.320 --> 00:25:53.520
let's just explain what infatuation is.

552
00:25:53.520 --> 00:25:57.560
Infatuation is when you're excited about the relationship.

553
00:25:57.560 --> 00:25:59.960
Okay, you have puppy love, you know,

554
00:25:59.960 --> 00:26:03.240
you have all of those fluttery feelings of excitement

555
00:26:03.240 --> 00:26:05.160
about getting to know this person

556
00:26:05.160 --> 00:26:07.200
because you have conjured in your mind

557
00:26:07.200 --> 00:26:10.000
who you think they are, right?

558
00:26:10.000 --> 00:26:12.400
You have this fantasy about who you think they are.

559
00:26:12.400 --> 00:26:14.840
And remember, they're putting their best foot forward.

560
00:26:14.840 --> 00:26:16.560
And so like, for instance,

561
00:26:16.560 --> 00:26:18.800
my husband was my next door neighbor.

562
00:26:18.800 --> 00:26:21.120
I had a completely different kind of concept

563
00:26:21.120 --> 00:26:23.240
about what his personality was like

564
00:26:23.240 --> 00:26:27.120
because, you know, he was coming out of a broken marriage

565
00:26:27.160 --> 00:26:29.240
and he had been hanging out with this guy

566
00:26:29.240 --> 00:26:30.880
that was kind of like alpha male.

567
00:26:30.880 --> 00:26:32.760
And he was taking my husband to the gym

568
00:26:32.760 --> 00:26:34.200
and they were like doing the things.

569
00:26:34.200 --> 00:26:35.520
And so my husband came across

570
00:26:35.520 --> 00:26:36.680
when I first started to get to know him

571
00:26:36.680 --> 00:26:41.400
as a lot more, you know, like type A than he is

572
00:26:41.400 --> 00:26:43.080
because he's not type A at all.

573
00:26:43.080 --> 00:26:45.280
Now he wasn't faking me out.

574
00:26:45.280 --> 00:26:47.760
He wasn't trying to be something that he was not.

575
00:26:47.760 --> 00:26:49.720
That's who he was in that season.

576
00:26:49.720 --> 00:26:51.360
That's what he was, you know,

577
00:26:51.360 --> 00:26:53.440
that's what he was getting ahold of

578
00:26:53.440 --> 00:26:55.440
in order to get over some of the things

579
00:26:55.440 --> 00:26:57.280
that were happening in his life.

580
00:26:57.280 --> 00:26:59.400
And I was very infatuated with that.

581
00:26:59.400 --> 00:27:01.680
But as I got to know him more and more

582
00:27:01.680 --> 00:27:04.040
within, you know, deeper relationship

583
00:27:04.040 --> 00:27:07.200
and then eventually, you know, marriage,

584
00:27:07.200 --> 00:27:09.120
you know, I've gotten to know the deeper,

585
00:27:09.120 --> 00:27:12.600
deeper levels of the real him, okay?

586
00:27:12.600 --> 00:27:14.600
I'm no longer infatuated with my husband,

587
00:27:14.600 --> 00:27:17.640
but I'm in love with him, okay?

588
00:27:17.640 --> 00:27:20.280
Love, remember, is a verb in the Bible.

589
00:27:20.280 --> 00:27:22.320
It's about serving one another.

590
00:27:22.320 --> 00:27:23.840
It's about submitting to one another.

591
00:27:23.840 --> 00:27:25.080
It's about getting up every day

592
00:27:25.080 --> 00:27:26.800
and choosing one another.

593
00:27:26.800 --> 00:27:29.120
It isn't about these, you know,

594
00:27:29.120 --> 00:27:32.440
superficial feelings of infatuation.

595
00:27:32.440 --> 00:27:34.240
A lot of people have a hard time with Jesus

596
00:27:34.240 --> 00:27:35.960
because they want to stay infatuated with him,

597
00:27:35.960 --> 00:27:40.200
but when it tries to go deeper into a deeper relationship

598
00:27:40.200 --> 00:27:43.280
where it gets a little bit messy, they cut and run.

599
00:27:43.280 --> 00:27:45.960
And because they don't want to have

600
00:27:45.960 --> 00:27:49.680
that deeper kind of relationship, even with God, right?

601
00:27:49.680 --> 00:27:51.680
They're like, into me, see?

602
00:27:51.680 --> 00:27:53.840
No, I don't want into me, see?

603
00:27:53.840 --> 00:27:54.960
And so I will tell you,

604
00:27:54.960 --> 00:27:57.200
anytime that there's any depth in relationship,

605
00:27:57.200 --> 00:27:59.160
it will start to get a little boring,

606
00:27:59.160 --> 00:28:01.440
a little monotonous, all right?

607
00:28:01.440 --> 00:28:02.400
It's not as fun.

608
00:28:02.400 --> 00:28:04.040
You have to create the fun.

609
00:28:04.040 --> 00:28:05.160
You have to choose.

610
00:28:05.160 --> 00:28:07.960
You're going to do this life together.

611
00:28:07.960 --> 00:28:10.280
And then there will be second honeymoon phases

612
00:28:10.280 --> 00:28:12.760
that come back upon you in your relationship,

613
00:28:12.760 --> 00:28:14.200
but you got to keep it interesting.

614
00:28:14.200 --> 00:28:15.360
That's the way it works.

615
00:28:15.360 --> 00:28:18.160
But you guys have kind of exhausted the infatuation

616
00:28:18.160 --> 00:28:19.880
with all the depth.

617
00:28:19.880 --> 00:28:23.800
So you might be able to dial it back,

618
00:28:24.600 --> 00:28:25.920
you might be able to,

619
00:28:25.920 --> 00:28:26.840
but you're going to have to have

620
00:28:26.840 --> 00:28:29.680
a really candid conversation with him and say,

621
00:28:29.680 --> 00:28:33.080
look, I feel like we went too deep, too fast,

622
00:28:33.080 --> 00:28:36.080
too far, too fast emotionally.

623
00:28:36.080 --> 00:28:38.680
I'm actually suffering physically because of it,

624
00:28:38.680 --> 00:28:41.520
because I'm still healing.

625
00:28:41.520 --> 00:28:46.200
And so I want us to go back to a place

626
00:28:46.200 --> 00:28:50.880
where we're more lighthearted in this relationship.

627
00:28:50.880 --> 00:28:52.120
We're having fun.

628
00:28:52.120 --> 00:28:53.720
We're not trying to, you know,

629
00:28:53.720 --> 00:28:56.720
go to the dark night of the soul with each other

630
00:28:56.720 --> 00:28:58.280
and see how he reacts to that.

631
00:28:58.280 --> 00:29:00.240
He might not be, he might be a melancholy.

632
00:29:00.240 --> 00:29:03.240
He might not be the kind of person who can have that.

633
00:29:03.240 --> 00:29:07.200
The last thing you want to do is be married to Eeyore, okay?

634
00:29:07.200 --> 00:29:08.280
Yeah.

635
00:29:08.280 --> 00:29:09.600
Not you.

636
00:29:09.600 --> 00:29:10.880
You can't do that.

637
00:29:10.880 --> 00:29:12.240
No, no.

638
00:29:12.240 --> 00:29:15.240
And I really do thrive with humor.

639
00:29:16.120 --> 00:29:17.720
My husband just sent me a note.

640
00:29:17.720 --> 00:29:20.440
It says, but I'm still sexy and so are you.

641
00:29:20.560 --> 00:29:23.160
I love it.

642
00:29:23.160 --> 00:29:24.000
That's awesome.

643
00:29:25.000 --> 00:29:25.840
I'm sorry.

644
00:29:25.840 --> 00:29:26.680
I didn't mean it was boring.

645
00:29:26.680 --> 00:29:27.920
I mean, marriage can be boring.

646
00:29:27.920 --> 00:29:29.440
And if you guys don't know that already,

647
00:29:29.440 --> 00:29:30.560
you need to know that.

648
00:29:31.920 --> 00:29:35.600
So Joanne, let's make a plan of what you're going to say

649
00:29:35.600 --> 00:29:36.440
and what you're going to talk about

650
00:29:36.440 --> 00:29:39.360
once the next time you're going to see each other.

651
00:29:39.360 --> 00:29:40.680
Well, he went back to work today,

652
00:29:40.680 --> 00:29:44.360
so we might see each other Thursday.

653
00:29:44.360 --> 00:29:45.520
See, that's good.

654
00:29:45.520 --> 00:29:46.880
He goes back to work.

655
00:29:46.880 --> 00:29:47.720
You get a break.

656
00:29:47.720 --> 00:29:50.040
You're not spending so much time together.

657
00:29:50.800 --> 00:29:53.920
I'm going to come down off of the heightened whatever.

658
00:29:53.920 --> 00:29:57.760
So this week is my week to just really focus on that for me.

659
00:29:57.760 --> 00:29:58.600
Yeah, I like that.

660
00:29:58.600 --> 00:30:00.400
So even if I don't see him Thursday.

661
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:07.440
say it might even be the weekend. Yeah. But yeah, the whole thing is like, I really, my three things,

662
00:30:07.440 --> 00:30:13.920
I was always like emotionally intelligent, loves Jesus and is like fun and adventurous. And I just,

663
00:30:13.920 --> 00:30:19.520
I really need to be with someone who's fun. Like, really, really. And tell him, listen,

664
00:30:19.520 --> 00:30:23.200
tell him, I want to see that side of you. It sounds like he checks the other two boxes.

665
00:30:23.200 --> 00:30:27.040
Yeah. And you know, and the one thing that he has going for him that the other guy didn't is that

666
00:30:27.040 --> 00:30:33.040
he is choosing you and he's making it clear instead of like always ambiguous, always keeping

667
00:30:33.040 --> 00:30:40.320
you on the, you know, on the edge of, you know, is this going to be a thing or not? And so,

668
00:30:40.960 --> 00:30:46.960
and while that's exciting, it's exhausting. And so, yeah. So let's see if we can bring out the

669
00:30:46.960 --> 00:30:53.440
fun side of him, see the fun side of him. He's really cute. She showed me a picture. I'm like,

670
00:30:54.160 --> 00:31:01.040
dang, y'all is hot people. And so, so yeah, he is definitely really cute. And the fact that he's so

671
00:31:01.040 --> 00:31:06.000
sensitive and deep, I like that, but let's see, let's see what else is there. Let's see if you

672
00:31:06.000 --> 00:31:12.880
can have some fun. Like he's had that feedback before. So we're just too serious. Yes. And I'm,

673
00:31:12.880 --> 00:31:18.480
so I'm praying that there's breakthrough potentially in that area. Yeah. I can't keep

674
00:31:18.480 --> 00:31:23.600
going at the pace we've been going. Like, I just realized I was like, I just hit a wall like hard.

675
00:31:24.400 --> 00:31:34.240
So the embassy, like I was really, I told you. Yeah. And you guys, and I've had, you know,

676
00:31:34.240 --> 00:31:38.800
I mean, I've been married for 17 years, so, but I've had friendships like that where,

677
00:31:39.760 --> 00:31:45.440
you know, I love the person and, you know, they're so important to me, but they are exhausting,

678
00:31:46.400 --> 00:31:52.000
exhausting with the constant depth of the conversation. And, you know, they always want

679
00:31:52.000 --> 00:31:56.640
to get intentional and have these deep conversations. And, you know, for people who

680
00:31:56.640 --> 00:32:02.160
are deeply empathic and also have complex PTSD, which I do, I can't get drug back there all the

681
00:32:02.160 --> 00:32:08.480
time. You know, I have to choose when I feel like I have the bandwidth for those kinds of

682
00:32:08.480 --> 00:32:13.360
conversations. I can't have those all the time. And, um, so that's why I'm not a therapist.

683
00:32:13.680 --> 00:32:20.320
And the fun thing is I am a licensed therapist. So that would be my tendency is me to be the one

684
00:32:20.320 --> 00:32:24.960
to have a serious conversations. And I feel like I'm getting it back. I'm going, Oh, is this what

685
00:32:24.960 --> 00:32:31.120
it feels like? You know? So, but I've learned a lot through this year, you know? So I really

686
00:32:31.120 --> 00:32:36.240
would like to do it differently and have a different result. No, you need to, you definitely

687
00:32:36.240 --> 00:32:41.680
need to. And like you said, you, you guys, she just talked about her non-negotiables from heaven.

688
00:32:41.680 --> 00:32:47.520
So she wants people that have, you know, uh, uh, a really high emotional bandwidth. They're

689
00:32:47.520 --> 00:32:52.800
able to discuss their feelings. They're, they're emotionally available and also love Jesus, but

690
00:32:52.800 --> 00:33:00.720
also one of the values of her, for her future marriage has to be fun has to be, you know,

691
00:33:00.720 --> 00:33:08.160
rest and fun and, um, adventure. And so, uh, she can't compromise on that because,

692
00:33:08.160 --> 00:33:14.480
because of the way she's built empathically, if she doesn't have that, you know, that disconnect

693
00:33:14.480 --> 00:33:19.520
of having fun and adventure and being able to, you know, leave those depths behind for a little

694
00:33:19.520 --> 00:33:26.320
while, then she's gonna, she's gonna fragment. Right. Everyone's made up differently. And this

695
00:33:26.320 --> 00:33:30.880
is where you start to pray into what are my non-negotiables? What do I need in relationship?

696
00:33:30.880 --> 00:33:35.520
Because remember we're complimentary opposites. So it sounds like she found someone who's not

697
00:33:35.520 --> 00:33:41.120
quite opposite of her, right? Someone who might be a little bit too much like her in, especially

698
00:33:41.120 --> 00:33:47.040
in maybe some of her more unhealthy days. And so it's important that we find out whether or not we

699
00:33:47.040 --> 00:33:54.800
can get there. All right. So Joanne, please come back and report back to us. Thank you guys.

700
00:33:56.800 --> 00:34:01.760
All right. I don't know if you guys can hear that. It's really loud at my house. That is rain.

701
00:34:02.480 --> 00:34:07.520
That is rain being so loud. You can't hear it. Oh my gosh. It's so loud. I feel like I have to yell

702
00:34:07.520 --> 00:34:16.000
to be heard above it. In Texas? In Texas. It is raining. Oh yeah, it's heavy over here too.

703
00:34:16.239 --> 00:34:23.199
It's raining cats and dogs out there. Okay. All right.

704
00:34:28.639 --> 00:34:41.280
All right. There was someone else that had a question. Oh, okay. I don't know if she's here

705
00:34:41.280 --> 00:34:48.719
or not, but someone else had put a question in the group about, do I have to, like having trouble

706
00:34:48.719 --> 00:34:55.440
at level two, level two, is that more informal having fun discovery time of getting to know

707
00:34:55.440 --> 00:34:59.840
someone dating level before you would go to the exclusive, more serious level.

708
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:02.600
And she said, I really liked this guy.

709
00:35:02.600 --> 00:35:04.320
You know, he's already serious about me.

710
00:35:04.320 --> 00:35:06.360
He's already at level three.

711
00:35:06.360 --> 00:35:10.600
To me, even though we haven't been dating for very, we haven't been talking or getting

712
00:35:10.600 --> 00:35:13.200
to see each other for very long.

713
00:35:13.200 --> 00:35:15.560
I told him, she's following the rules in the community.

714
00:35:15.560 --> 00:35:18.360
She said, I told him that, you know, I'm not ready to go there.

715
00:35:18.360 --> 00:35:20.360
She said, but I really am.

716
00:35:20.360 --> 00:35:25.600
And so what do you do with that when you know that it's pretty quick to go to exclusivity,

717
00:35:25.600 --> 00:35:32.240
but you want to, because you like the person and you're maybe worried, she didn't say this,

718
00:35:32.240 --> 00:35:36.560
but maybe you're worried that they'll lose interest to you and you, if you don't respond

719
00:35:36.560 --> 00:35:40.680
with the same type of intensity and the same type of exclusivity, anyone else ever felt

720
00:35:40.680 --> 00:35:42.160
that way?

721
00:35:42.160 --> 00:35:48.400
You know, that it's pretty quick to be expressing exclusivity with someone and, you know, being

722
00:35:48.400 --> 00:35:51.000
willing to become their boyfriend or girlfriend.

723
00:35:51.000 --> 00:35:56.280
And yet you like them enough that you're worried if you don't meet them at that level

724
00:35:56.280 --> 00:36:03.440
of exclusivity or, you know, importance to the relationship, then they'll just move on.

725
00:36:03.440 --> 00:36:08.640
Well, if they move on and buy, right?

726
00:36:08.640 --> 00:36:17.360
Seriously, because here's the problem with going too fast, too quickly.

727
00:36:17.360 --> 00:36:21.680
It's not sustainable.

728
00:36:21.680 --> 00:36:22.680
Okay.

729
00:36:22.680 --> 00:36:23.680
You just heard from Joanne.

730
00:36:23.680 --> 00:36:30.840
You can see some of the stops that were pulled out there.

731
00:36:30.840 --> 00:36:36.040
Sometimes it's good to pull out all the stops and sometimes it's good to keep them in so

732
00:36:36.040 --> 00:36:40.320
that we can have milestones in the relationship.

733
00:36:40.320 --> 00:36:46.520
We're getting to know each other, we're getting to see, you know, are we going to be compatible

734
00:36:46.680 --> 00:36:47.680
long-term?

735
00:36:47.680 --> 00:36:48.680
Yeah.

736
00:36:48.680 --> 00:36:53.760
We have some strong infatuation right now, but is it sustainable?

737
00:36:53.760 --> 00:36:56.280
Is there something more to build on here?

738
00:36:56.280 --> 00:36:57.480
Okay.

739
00:36:57.480 --> 00:37:02.280
So my advice to her and to all of you that would feel like you want to rush ahead just

740
00:37:02.280 --> 00:37:06.320
because the other person's rushing ahead is this.

741
00:37:06.320 --> 00:37:12.760
They're still going to be there if they're a spirit mate and it's good to set a good

742
00:37:12.760 --> 00:37:14.420
healthy pace.

743
00:37:14.420 --> 00:37:17.480
And if they're not going to set it, then you can set it.

744
00:37:17.480 --> 00:37:19.720
That's called boundaries.

745
00:37:19.720 --> 00:37:21.160
That doesn't take the romance out of it.

746
00:37:21.160 --> 00:37:22.320
It doesn't take the fun out of it.

747
00:37:22.320 --> 00:37:28.640
I think sometimes people think healthy relationships sound super boring and they're not fun because

748
00:37:28.640 --> 00:37:34.440
we're not running a million miles an hour on the fuel of infatuation.

749
00:37:34.440 --> 00:37:40.560
And for all of us that have been burned by running a million miles an hour, love bombing

750
00:37:40.560 --> 00:37:48.720
back and forth, left and right, and then end up crashed drunk, you know, in, on, um,

751
00:37:48.720 --> 00:37:53.200
you know, on the speed, not on alcohol, but drunk with some of you on alcohol, but drunk

752
00:37:53.200 --> 00:38:00.680
on the speed of the whole thing with a terrible vulnerability hangover that you just shared

753
00:38:00.680 --> 00:38:04.200
all this crazy stuff with this person in a short amount of time.

754
00:38:04.200 --> 00:38:06.360
And now they ghosted you and they're gone.

755
00:38:06.360 --> 00:38:07.360
That's a horrible feeling.

756
00:38:07.360 --> 00:38:08.360
Right?

757
00:38:09.160 --> 00:38:11.840
I should say so.

758
00:38:11.840 --> 00:38:20.400
They loved you and now they're gone or you get into some huge fight because they're really

759
00:38:20.400 --> 00:38:23.200
not that healthy and maybe you're not either.

760
00:38:23.200 --> 00:38:26.280
And then you can't, you can't sustain that either.

761
00:38:26.280 --> 00:38:32.560
So, um, so that's, what's going on now, Hunter, we're not, we're not taking any kind of comments

762
00:38:32.560 --> 00:38:33.560
right now.

763
00:38:33.560 --> 00:38:34.560
Okay.

764
00:38:34.560 --> 00:38:39.040
So we're going to continue with, um, my coaching based on the questions that we put in the

765
00:38:39.040 --> 00:38:40.440
women's challenge.

766
00:38:40.440 --> 00:38:45.000
And so if you have any questions that you want to put into the love seat or you have

767
00:38:45.000 --> 00:38:50.680
a situation where you're dating someone, we're going to take dating situations only, and

768
00:38:50.680 --> 00:38:54.360
you want to jump into the love seat and talk about that.

769
00:38:54.360 --> 00:38:59.600
Let's go ahead and do that and raise your hand so I can call on you so we can keep it

770
00:38:59.600 --> 00:39:01.600
without being too confusing.

771
00:39:01.600 --> 00:39:02.600
Okay.

772
00:39:12.600 --> 00:39:19.600
You guys, we had like 18 engagements and marriages in December in our community.

773
00:39:21.600 --> 00:39:22.600
Was it?

774
00:39:22.600 --> 00:39:23.600
Is it 16?

775
00:39:23.600 --> 00:39:24.600
I have to go back and check.

776
00:39:24.600 --> 00:39:25.600
It was a lot.

777
00:39:26.600 --> 00:39:28.600
So that's exciting, right?

778
00:39:29.600 --> 00:39:30.600
Super exciting.

779
00:39:30.600 --> 00:39:34.600
In fact, we had, we had a couple, I don't know if they happened today, but they were

780
00:39:34.600 --> 00:39:35.600
posted today.

781
00:39:35.600 --> 00:39:52.600
So, um, yeah, so much hope for 2024 and some of you ended, you ended, um, you know, level

782
00:39:52.600 --> 00:39:54.600
two relationships.

783
00:39:56.600 --> 00:39:57.600
They didn't go anywhere.

784
00:39:57.600 --> 00:39:59.600
I've had at least two girls come to me and say, Hey.

785
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:05.240
You know, I was talking to someone and we made the decision that we are going to not

786
00:40:05.240 --> 00:40:09.160
pursue anything romantic.

787
00:40:09.160 --> 00:40:16.280
And you actually sent that man one, one or two of you have sent that man this way towards

788
00:40:16.280 --> 00:40:17.540
our community.

789
00:40:17.540 --> 00:40:18.540
So that's exciting.

790
00:40:18.540 --> 00:40:19.800
All right.

791
00:40:19.800 --> 00:40:21.360
So who has a love seat situation?

792
00:40:21.360 --> 00:40:22.360
Let me look.

793
00:40:22.360 --> 00:40:23.360
I'm Vicky.

794
00:40:23.360 --> 00:40:24.360
You do.

795
00:40:24.360 --> 00:40:26.320
You're seeing someone that I want to hear.

796
00:40:26.320 --> 00:40:27.320
Talk to me.

797
00:40:27.320 --> 00:40:28.320
Okay.

798
00:40:28.720 --> 00:40:34.120
This is a previous gentleman that I was dating for about a year.

799
00:40:34.120 --> 00:40:40.520
And because of his situation, the relationship sort of just dissolved because he moved out

800
00:40:40.520 --> 00:40:45.360
of state to live with and help his mom.

801
00:40:45.360 --> 00:40:50.800
And we've kept in touch just through Facebook, you know, happy, Merry Christmas, you know,

802
00:40:50.800 --> 00:40:54.240
just simple text, keep in touch.

803
00:40:54.240 --> 00:41:01.680
And he was in town over the holidays and wish me Merry Christmas and asked me to see

804
00:41:01.680 --> 00:41:02.680
him.

805
00:41:02.680 --> 00:41:08.000
He said he'd like to see me again because he was like, say, visiting his family over

806
00:41:08.000 --> 00:41:10.480
the holidays.

807
00:41:10.480 --> 00:41:12.600
And I said, yes.

808
00:41:12.600 --> 00:41:15.720
And so he's coming tomorrow.

809
00:41:15.720 --> 00:41:19.080
But I was just going to meet out at the restaurant.

810
00:41:19.080 --> 00:41:22.080
But he's kind of insisting on picking me up.

811
00:41:22.080 --> 00:41:24.720
And I am nervous about that.

812
00:41:24.720 --> 00:41:31.440
So I cleaned my entire house today with supernatural energy, and now I can't walk because my legs

813
00:41:31.440 --> 00:41:34.960
collapsed.

814
00:41:34.960 --> 00:41:43.440
But I'm nervous about him picking me up because of how nice the relationship was before it

815
00:41:43.440 --> 00:41:44.440
dissolved.

816
00:41:44.440 --> 00:41:48.960
Well, why are you, what are you nervous about?

817
00:41:48.960 --> 00:41:50.320
That's such a gentleman thing to do.

818
00:41:50.560 --> 00:41:55.800
I mean, ladies, don't let a guy pick you up that you don't know, but she knows this guy.

819
00:41:55.800 --> 00:42:00.880
And why are you nervous about it?

820
00:42:00.880 --> 00:42:01.880
I don't trust myself.

821
00:42:01.880 --> 00:42:02.880
What do you mean?

822
00:42:02.880 --> 00:42:11.400
You're going to invite him in your house and kiss his face off?

823
00:42:11.400 --> 00:42:12.480
What are we doing now?

824
00:42:12.480 --> 00:42:13.480
What's going on?

825
00:42:13.480 --> 00:42:14.480
Oh, all right.

826
00:42:14.480 --> 00:42:18.320
You don't trust you don't trust yourself with him coming to your house.

827
00:42:19.320 --> 00:42:23.360
Vicky, all right.

828
00:42:23.360 --> 00:42:31.560
I'm actually like, I want to be shocked, but I'm actually like, proud of you.

829
00:42:31.560 --> 00:42:34.280
I know that I shouldn't be, but I am.

830
00:42:34.280 --> 00:42:37.320
So yeah, well, okay.

831
00:42:37.320 --> 00:42:43.040
So putting some parameters in if you feel like, you know, things could get hot and heavy

832
00:42:43.040 --> 00:42:46.840
like that really quickly, then is this a day date?

833
00:42:47.360 --> 00:42:51.600
It'd be like early dinner, late, late lunch, early dinner.

834
00:42:51.600 --> 00:42:52.600
Okay.

835
00:42:52.600 --> 00:42:53.600
Early dinner.

836
00:42:53.600 --> 00:42:56.000
So he's going to be bringing you back in the evening.

837
00:42:56.000 --> 00:42:57.480
Okay.

838
00:42:57.480 --> 00:43:02.080
So just don't invite him in if you don't think that you can handle what, you know, what y'all

839
00:43:02.080 --> 00:43:04.080
might get into in there.

840
00:43:04.080 --> 00:43:09.080
So, you know, if you, if you think that, I mean, was that the nature of the relationship

841
00:43:09.080 --> 00:43:11.760
before y'all just went your separate ways?

842
00:43:11.760 --> 00:43:12.760
Oh, okay.

843
00:43:12.760 --> 00:43:13.760
All right.

844
00:43:13.760 --> 00:43:17.880
So you guys were already kind of having some makeout sessions.

845
00:43:17.880 --> 00:43:18.880
Exclusive.

846
00:43:18.880 --> 00:43:19.880
Yeah.

847
00:43:19.880 --> 00:43:20.880
Yeah.

848
00:43:20.880 --> 00:43:21.880
Yeah.

849
00:43:21.880 --> 00:43:22.880
Okay.

850
00:43:22.880 --> 00:43:25.800
And is he, is he acting like, listen, is he, I know this is one date, but is he like moving

851
00:43:25.800 --> 00:43:26.800
back around?

852
00:43:26.800 --> 00:43:32.400
Is he like wanting to rekindle like, or is it just a one-time thing?

853
00:43:32.400 --> 00:43:34.760
He's still out in Kansas with his mom.

854
00:43:34.760 --> 00:43:41.040
He just, he was here for the holidays for, to be with his dad and his kids.

855
00:43:41.040 --> 00:43:48.240
And like I said, this was unusual that, cause normally we just text Merry Christmas, whatever.

856
00:43:48.240 --> 00:43:55.560
And he asked to see me again, but I, and he's going back to Kansas on the 4th.

857
00:43:55.560 --> 00:44:01.160
And so there, I I'm just anxious to talk, visit and see what his plans are, see what's

858
00:44:01.160 --> 00:44:03.240
going on.

859
00:44:03.240 --> 00:44:05.200
If mom's doing okay, he's going to move back here.

860
00:44:05.200 --> 00:44:06.200
I don't know.

861
00:44:06.200 --> 00:44:07.200
Okay.

862
00:44:07.200 --> 00:44:08.200
All right.

863
00:44:08.200 --> 00:44:10.720
Well, I think that we just have to gauge it depending on that.

864
00:44:11.400 --> 00:44:17.520
I mean, obviously, you know, I mean, I know that you like this guy, obviously, cause you're

865
00:44:17.520 --> 00:44:23.800
glowing, but at the same time, you're like, like a school girl right now.

866
00:44:23.800 --> 00:44:29.160
We don't want a situation where, you know, we're just a woman in, you know, we're a woman

867
00:44:29.160 --> 00:44:31.680
in the port that they're in for the night.

868
00:44:31.680 --> 00:44:33.160
You know, we don't want that either.

869
00:44:33.160 --> 00:44:34.160
No.

870
00:44:34.160 --> 00:44:35.160
So, yeah.

871
00:44:35.160 --> 00:44:41.320
So remember the things that you've learned here and, you know, do what you would want

872
00:44:41.320 --> 00:44:42.320
to do.

873
00:44:42.320 --> 00:44:47.160
That is going to be sustainable for you longterm, how you're going to want to feel, you know,

874
00:44:47.160 --> 00:44:50.680
right now you're super excited about seeing him, but if nothing's changed and you know,

875
00:44:50.680 --> 00:44:54.560
he can't relocate and you can't relocate and you guys can't be together, then definitely

876
00:44:54.560 --> 00:44:55.560
don't do anything.

877
00:44:55.560 --> 00:44:57.560
That's going to leave you heartbroken.

878
00:44:57.560 --> 00:44:59.240
Okay.

879
00:44:59.240 --> 00:45:00.000
And we'll hold you accountable.

880
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.400
example, if you need someone, I'm sure one of your sisters would be more than willing

881
00:45:05.400 --> 00:45:10.480
to be on speed dial for you that night and texting you and checking in on you and making

882
00:45:10.480 --> 00:45:20.600
sure that you're chaperoned. Okay. Thank you. You're welcome. Paola, is that how I say it?

883
00:45:20.600 --> 00:45:29.960
Paola? Yes. Well, Paola. It's actually. Paola. Paola. I still am not fine. I'm still like,

884
00:45:30.160 --> 00:45:41.200
I'm really bad at that. Okay. So hi. What's your question? Hi. Um, well, I've been dating

885
00:45:41.200 --> 00:45:51.480
doing as you, as you asked, opening up all my, all my online dating apps and have been

886
00:45:51.480 --> 00:45:57.080
having this whole bunch of opportunities to date online dating. Um, and it's been tons

887
00:45:57.080 --> 00:46:03.800
of fun. And one, and several of the people I've been, the guys I've been talking to,

888
00:46:03.800 --> 00:46:09.300
some of them are incredibly interesting meeting in person thing is that where we have a huge

889
00:46:09.300 --> 00:46:18.120
distance because I live in a different country, right? One of them, uh, after us probably

890
00:46:18.120 --> 00:46:27.360
seven online dates, um, he said, Hey, um, I, I mentioned that I had some time off and

891
00:46:27.360 --> 00:46:37.320
that I, and if he had some time off, we could travel and meet. Right. So we did, we did

892
00:46:37.320 --> 00:46:47.560
travel and we met, we met, uh, last week we put, um, a middle point and we set up a middle point,

893
00:46:48.120 --> 00:46:53.960
which was another country, which was not his nor mine. And it was a place where I also had friends.

894
00:46:54.760 --> 00:47:05.480
So, um, and we had an amazing and amazing time together. The thing is that it was difficult to

895
00:47:05.480 --> 00:47:13.880
manage this, how to manage, um, real life dating when you live in different countries, right.

896
00:47:14.920 --> 00:47:25.000
And, um, dating one-on-one dating is, is a, is a challenge. So we went through

897
00:47:25.960 --> 00:47:36.120
seven long dates last week and we had a whole bunch of fun and, and we also had these deep

898
00:47:36.120 --> 00:47:41.640
conversations. Those, the things that you sometimes say that not to do, you don't, don't

899
00:47:41.640 --> 00:47:49.320
engage on this long dates, but how can you, if this was kind of difficult to do well, long

900
00:47:49.320 --> 00:47:53.560
distance, a lot of times we do what we call marathon dating, which is what you're doing right

901
00:47:54.200 --> 00:48:01.080
now. Um, and that's what happens, you know, um, just had a, just had someone, um, talk to me

902
00:48:01.080 --> 00:48:07.800
in phase two about how they dated someone for two years and they only saw them 10 times in

903
00:48:07.800 --> 00:48:13.000
those two years. But those 10 times that they saw them were long periods of time, like long

904
00:48:13.000 --> 00:48:17.160
weekends or a week or whatever, because we do these marathon dates when it's a long distance

905
00:48:17.160 --> 00:48:22.520
situation. And so that's what you guys did. You guys try to pack like, you know, a couple of

906
00:48:22.520 --> 00:48:27.640
months of dating into these trips because you're not going to be able to see each other regularly.

907
00:48:28.440 --> 00:48:35.400
Correct. So we had an amazing time together now by the end of the seventh day, which was

908
00:48:35.400 --> 00:48:42.200
yesterday, because yesterday we traveled back to our countries. We, uh, we had this nice

909
00:48:42.200 --> 00:48:47.960
conversation of, okay, what is the next step? So, um, he was the one who actually said, you know

910
00:48:47.960 --> 00:48:56.280
what, this was an amazing week, but I think we need to breathe in and breathe out without this

911
00:48:57.400 --> 00:49:06.600
huge emotions that we have for each other and see if I miss you. If I, if, if I want to

912
00:49:07.480 --> 00:49:16.680
pursue a relationship with you or we just keep friends, um, and so on and so forth. One of the

913
00:49:16.680 --> 00:49:22.520
things that we discussed, well, what that was a first and a second thing that he said, I want you

914
00:49:22.520 --> 00:49:31.240
to also to pray a lot because there's one thing that you mentioned and is the fact that you want

915
00:49:31.240 --> 00:49:39.720
to have children in the future. And I, and he has a vasectomy and not interested in, in having more

916
00:49:39.800 --> 00:49:53.560
children also because he's older. Right. Um, a lot older. So he's like probably how he is 58. I am 42.

917
00:49:54.840 --> 00:49:59.720
Okay. So basically at the end of this whirlwind, you know,

918
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:08.280
trip. He is saying to you that, you know, you're great. I'm attracted to you. I had fun. But we

919
00:50:08.280 --> 00:50:14.720
might not be in the same seasons of life. You know, I'm not sure that I want to make a any kind

920
00:50:14.720 --> 00:50:20.680
of commitment to you because you want things that I don't necessarily want. And not to mention,

921
00:50:20.680 --> 00:50:27.080
it would be hard. It would be hard to continue to see each other without someone. I mean,

922
00:50:27.080 --> 00:50:30.320
like you said, you had to meet in a different country. That's neither one of your countries.

923
00:50:30.320 --> 00:50:34.920
You know, you can't just go on vacation all the time to be together with your boyfriend or

924
00:50:34.920 --> 00:50:39.200
girlfriend. And I have had couples in the past that have tried this. You know, one lived in

925
00:50:39.200 --> 00:50:43.080
the Netherlands, the other one lived in America, and they would meet in Mexico or they would meet

926
00:50:43.080 --> 00:50:49.200
in other countries that, you know, they were allowed in with their visas and different things.

927
00:50:49.200 --> 00:50:54.520
And, you know, they had they tried to sustain it for they did for two years, and then they broke

928
00:50:54.600 --> 00:51:00.640
up. And now he's marrying somebody else. And she's pretty devastated about that. So bottom line is,

929
00:51:00.640 --> 00:51:06.040
is that, you know, it takes a lot to invest in something like this. And you have to be really,

930
00:51:06.040 --> 00:51:14.280
really sure that it's a God thing. Okay, well, I will continue with the coaching sessions with you.

931
00:51:14.280 --> 00:51:22.000
And I'm not thinking on stopping to see if it's a God thing. And I think that I should continue

932
00:51:22.000 --> 00:51:27.840
dating other people in the meantime, I don't want to 100% you know, if a guy spends an entire week

933
00:51:27.840 --> 00:51:32.320
with you, and then he says, Hey, I think that we should put the brakes on. That's usually not a

934
00:51:32.320 --> 00:51:40.120
good sign. You know, if the woman says it, that's one thing. But if the man says it, then you know,

935
00:51:40.120 --> 00:51:45.600
he obviously is running into some resistance inside of himself about what kind of effort or

936
00:51:45.600 --> 00:51:50.520
investment or what what he might have to do to sustain that I'm sure he thinks you're beautiful.

937
00:51:50.640 --> 00:51:57.360
I'm sure that he's attracted to you. But, you know, men have a tendency to be a little bit

938
00:51:57.360 --> 00:52:04.240
more practical in some terms of, you know, is this something that I that I really could make

939
00:52:04.240 --> 00:52:11.640
happen or could invest in and be successful at? Got it. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. I needed to

940
00:52:11.640 --> 00:52:17.280
also to hear another person's perspective about this. Yeah, I have another guy right now. And he

941
00:52:17.280 --> 00:52:22.200
decided he said, I really liked this woman, but she lives all the way on the East Coast. And I

942
00:52:22.200 --> 00:52:28.520
have no plans of moving to the East Coast. And, you know, and just what it would take to be in

943
00:52:28.520 --> 00:52:34.200
relationship with her. I'm just not sure that it's something that I should be investing in doing,

944
00:52:34.200 --> 00:52:40.160
even though he really, really likes her. So it doesn't sound necessarily rejection. It's just

945
00:52:40.160 --> 00:52:45.520
protection from wasting your time with something that isn't going to be right for you. And anytime

946
00:52:45.520 --> 00:52:49.760
ladies and gentlemen, anytime you want to have children and someone that you're talking to,

947
00:52:49.760 --> 00:52:54.720
doesn't matter how attracted they are to you. If they say that they do not want to have children,

948
00:52:54.720 --> 00:53:02.720
you need to believe them. Okay. Might they change their mind? Sure. But unless you're willing to

949
00:53:02.720 --> 00:53:07.600
give up that dream in the pursuit of this relationship, and when you get married, you

950
00:53:07.600 --> 00:53:10.800
know, maybe they'll change their mind, but never marry someone thinking they're going to change

951
00:53:10.800 --> 00:53:16.400
your mind or thinking you can change their mind, especially in that category. Let's not ever get

952
00:53:16.400 --> 00:53:21.680
involved in that. Cause I have seen people marry people in said, you know, I just thought that you

953
00:53:21.680 --> 00:53:26.160
were afraid or you would change your mind about this and they didn't change their mind. And you

954
00:53:26.160 --> 00:53:31.840
know, then there's lots of contention and strife in the marriage. So if it's something that's not

955
00:53:31.840 --> 00:53:36.240
a deal breaker for you and you can let go of it, you can live with it or without it. And you're

956
00:53:36.240 --> 00:53:40.880
willing to do that for the love story, then fine. But if you're not, and that's the dream

957
00:53:40.880 --> 00:53:49.600
of your heart to have a family, then you got to stick to your guns. Thank you so much, Jackie.

958
00:53:49.600 --> 00:53:55.040
I really needed to hear that. Yes. And I believe that this movement is marked by geriatric

959
00:53:55.040 --> 00:54:00.000
pregnancies, ladies. So if you're over 35 years old, that's what they consider advanced maternal

960
00:54:00.000 --> 00:54:05.280
age medically, believe it or not. If you're over 35 years old and you want a baby. So whether you're

961
00:54:05.280 --> 00:54:10.400
35 to 60, however old you are, I don't care. And you want a baby and you believe God's promised

962
00:54:10.400 --> 00:54:15.120
you that I believe we're going to see crazy things like that happen. You know, I know people that

963
00:54:15.120 --> 00:54:22.080
have had babies into their fifties. And so there isn't any reason why that can't happen for those

964
00:54:22.080 --> 00:54:27.440
of you that are really desiring that. So don't give up on that quite yet, because God said,

965
00:54:28.400 --> 00:54:39.120
we're going to see that stuff. Okay. All right. I don't have any other hands up,

966
00:54:39.120 --> 00:54:48.560
but let me check the chat. A lot of people, I want babies. I want babies. All right.

967
00:54:49.280 --> 00:54:54.080
Carla's saying she's the one that didn't want babies, but her former husband did.

968
00:54:54.880 --> 00:54:57.280
They had a huge fight about this year after they got pregnant.

969
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:12.720
married. And then he declared to me over dinner one night. Everyone told him that you would change

970
00:55:12.720 --> 00:55:20.480
your mind. Yeah. Nope. Don't ever think that you're going to change someone's mind. In fact,

971
00:55:20.480 --> 00:55:28.400
it's not, it's not even, um, it's not honorable to, to marry someone knowing that there are certain

972
00:55:28.400 --> 00:55:33.120
things that they have said that they don't want to do in life. And, but you do want to do those

973
00:55:33.120 --> 00:55:37.280
things. And you think that when you get married, you're just going to magically be able to,

974
00:55:37.280 --> 00:55:42.080
you know, seduce them or manipulate them or course them or convince them into otherwise.

975
00:55:42.080 --> 00:55:45.280
Don't do that. All right. Hi, Stacy. What do you got?

976
00:55:45.280 --> 00:56:00.960
Stacy McBain, Texas. Got your hand up. I do. I had a hard time getting off mute.

977
00:56:00.960 --> 00:56:04.720
I just wanted to share. This isn't really a dating question. This is just

978
00:56:05.760 --> 00:56:13.440
some encouragement. Um, cause I'm in, I'm in a season where I I'm in no mood to get on any apps

979
00:56:13.440 --> 00:56:19.200
right now, so I'm not going to do it, but I am telling all of my family. I am telling all of my

980
00:56:19.200 --> 00:56:24.240
friends. I just went to the chiropractor tonight and told him, Hey, listen, I'm looking for a man.

981
00:56:24.240 --> 00:56:31.040
And yeah, I want to be married, all the things. And, um, you guys, when you have good community,

982
00:56:31.040 --> 00:56:36.800
they're going to look out for you. And so my nephew sent me a card of someone. He went and

983
00:56:36.800 --> 00:56:42.400
had his windshield replaced. And he's like, Hey, aunt stays. I met this guy. Um, I showed him a

984
00:56:42.400 --> 00:56:48.000
picture of you. He said, he's interested and you can give him a call or you can text him. So I

985
00:56:48.000 --> 00:56:55.680
texted him and, um, you know, introduced myself. And I said, if you ever want to get together.

986
00:56:55.680 --> 00:57:01.120
And so we're supposed to meet up on Friday. And then today he actually surprised me and he was

987
00:57:01.120 --> 00:57:08.560
like, Hey, hope your day was great. And I was like, Hmm. Um, but a good, Hmm. So I just want

988
00:57:08.560 --> 00:57:13.760
to encourage everybody, put it out there, man. It's your little nephew fixing you up. Come on.

989
00:57:13.760 --> 00:57:20.000
I know. I know they love it. This is a value. This part of the value ladder of this community,

990
00:57:20.000 --> 00:57:24.080
community-based matchmaking, please leverage your community, this community,

991
00:57:24.080 --> 00:57:29.440
your personal communities, your family, tell everyone, there's no shame in your game. Tell

992
00:57:29.440 --> 00:57:34.480
them you want to be married. Tell them that they can play wing man, wing woman for you.

993
00:57:34.480 --> 00:57:39.280
When they're out and about, they meet someone who's interesting that they think you would

994
00:57:39.280 --> 00:57:45.120
be interested in that they have the, they have permission to, you know, make those introductions.

995
00:57:45.840 --> 00:57:51.680
And also I want to encourage everybody because I talked to a coworker of mine today and I said,

996
00:57:51.680 --> 00:57:57.040
Hey, you and your husband, you know, you guys, you guys need to be looking out for me. And she goes,

997
00:57:57.680 --> 00:58:05.200
Hmm. How do you find someone like that? And I'm like, by asking questions, I said, you know,

998
00:58:05.200 --> 00:58:09.920
your husband works with a bunch of men, maybe they're married, but he could just simply say,

999
00:58:09.920 --> 00:58:16.000
Hey, you know what? My wife has this hope coworker and she is just like a catch. And so if you guys

1000
00:58:16.000 --> 00:58:22.320
know any guys that are single or you're, you know, relatives or whatever, I said, that's how,

1001
00:58:22.320 --> 00:58:28.880
so you got to do some coaching too. Yeah. Yeah. You may have to marry people. Apparently forget

1002
00:58:28.880 --> 00:58:33.200
what it's like to be single. I don't know how, I don't know how they forget, but they do.

1003
00:58:33.760 --> 00:58:38.000
And some of them, you know, they've been together forever and they met, you know,

1004
00:58:38.000 --> 00:58:41.520
in high school or something. And that's wonderful. And that works for some people.

1005
00:58:42.320 --> 00:58:47.920
But there are a lot of single people. There's a lot of single people. And so everybody knows

1006
00:58:47.920 --> 00:58:51.200
single people don't give me this garbage. I don't know any single people. Yeah, you do.

1007
00:58:51.760 --> 00:58:55.520
There's a lot of single people. You just never think about those people because you're happily

1008
00:58:55.520 --> 00:59:01.600
married. And so you're not concerning yourself with the love lives of other people. But I have

1009
00:59:01.600 --> 00:59:05.680
always concerned myself with the love lives of other people, which is why I do what I do.

1010
00:59:05.680 --> 00:59:09.680
And so you all have a friend that's like me, make sure you're leveraging that friend

1011
00:59:10.400 --> 00:59:15.040
to help you. And, um, and some people are embarrassed to try to play matchmaker. And

1012
00:59:15.040 --> 00:59:18.640
they're like, what if it doesn't work out? I don't want that person to hate me, or I don't

1013
00:59:18.640 --> 00:59:23.600
want you to hate me. And just go ahead and let them know, hey, you know what, it's low stakes.

1014
00:59:23.600 --> 00:59:27.840
It's no big deal. I'm not trying. I'm not asking you to find me a husband. I'm asking you to find

1015
00:59:27.840 --> 00:59:33.440
me a date. And I asked you to find me a wife for the few guys that are on here. I'm asking you to

1016
00:59:33.440 --> 00:59:37.760
find me a date, make sure that you tell them that because that will be very helpful to them.

1017
00:59:37.760 --> 00:59:41.920
Because if they feel like trying to find your husband for you, a lot of people will say pass.

1018
00:59:44.320 --> 00:59:48.160
Right. And what and the other thing I tell people is, hey, it's my responsibility to vet them.

1019
00:59:48.720 --> 00:59:52.320
You don't have to have all the answers. It's my responsibility to vet them.

1020
00:59:52.960 --> 00:59:59.840
Yes. Amen. And then, and then also I encourage three men today that I know that are single to

1021
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.520
who join 1822 and I sent them the invitation.

1022
01:00:03.520 --> 01:00:06.240
I said, I think that this would be great for you.

1023
01:00:06.240 --> 01:00:09.340
And they were all very thankful that I thought of them.

1024
01:00:11.280 --> 01:00:14.640
Yes, I love that.

1025
01:00:14.640 --> 01:00:15.760
And you know, what's really interesting,

1026
01:00:15.760 --> 01:00:17.920
you guys such a small, small, small community,

1027
01:00:17.920 --> 01:00:20.340
but one of the men that Stacy, you know,

1028
01:00:20.340 --> 01:00:21.840
when she first got in this community

1029
01:00:21.840 --> 01:00:23.800
was spending a little bit of time with at level two,

1030
01:00:23.800 --> 01:00:26.680
getting to know, he actually ended up getting engaged

1031
01:00:26.680 --> 01:00:29.240
to one of the women that was in my program

1032
01:00:29.280 --> 01:00:32.080
at the very beginning that I used to go to church with.

1033
01:00:32.080 --> 01:00:34.040
I just happened to notice that Stacy,

1034
01:00:34.040 --> 01:00:35.880
I just randomly and I was like,

1035
01:00:35.880 --> 01:00:38.080
oh, I think this is the person that, you know,

1036
01:00:38.080 --> 01:00:39.840
so you guys, we're in a very small world.

1037
01:00:39.840 --> 01:00:43.080
I say that to say that we're in a little,

1038
01:00:43.080 --> 01:00:46.240
we're a small world in the family of God.

1039
01:00:46.240 --> 01:00:49.480
And you know, we are the biggest family on earth

1040
01:00:49.480 --> 01:00:54.480
and it's a small, it's a small world after all,

1041
01:00:54.980 --> 01:00:59.120
when you know as many people as we know across the board.

1042
01:00:59.960 --> 01:01:01.040
And so it's important that, you know,

1043
01:01:01.040 --> 01:01:03.020
we go ahead and leverage that.

1044
01:01:03.020 --> 01:01:05.080
Community-based matchmaking in 2024,

1045
01:01:05.080 --> 01:01:07.440
let's leverage that, okay?

1046
01:01:08.480 --> 01:01:09.640
All right.

1047
01:01:09.640 --> 01:01:11.280
And remember, if you meet someone,

1048
01:01:11.280 --> 01:01:14.320
whether it's a woman, gentlemen, or it's a man, ladies,

1049
01:01:14.320 --> 01:01:16.580
that, you know, isn't gonna be a match for you

1050
01:01:16.580 --> 01:01:20.240
for whatever reason, definitely send them to the community

1051
01:01:20.240 --> 01:01:22.240
and go even further than that.

1052
01:01:22.240 --> 01:01:23.540
Really pray and say, hey God,

1053
01:01:23.540 --> 01:01:24.880
is there someone within the community

1054
01:01:24.880 --> 01:01:26.480
that I should introduce them to?

1055
01:01:27.600 --> 01:01:28.920
And then go ahead and do it.

1056
01:01:29.680 --> 01:01:31.640
We've had marriages happen that way, okay?

1057
01:01:31.640 --> 01:01:33.960
One of our marriages that just happened in December,

1058
01:01:33.960 --> 01:01:38.120
she was connected to her current husband right now,

1059
01:01:38.120 --> 01:01:41.080
the guy she just married through a woman in this community.

1060
01:01:43.000 --> 01:01:44.360
For those of you that are in New York City,

1061
01:01:44.360 --> 01:01:46.760
I just got word tonight that I'm gonna get a chance

1062
01:01:46.760 --> 01:01:48.600
to go back to New York City.

1063
01:01:48.600 --> 01:01:50.800
And I don't know when that singles event's gonna be.

1064
01:01:50.800 --> 01:01:53.240
I don't know if it's gonna be around Valentine's Day.

1065
01:01:53.240 --> 01:01:55.600
Those dates haven't been decided yet,

1066
01:01:55.600 --> 01:01:57.120
but I'm really excited about that.

1067
01:01:57.120 --> 01:01:58.400
And the reason I'm thinking about that

1068
01:01:58.880 --> 01:02:01.640
is because God said that he was gonna use

1069
01:02:01.640 --> 01:02:04.920
New York City of all places as a hotspot

1070
01:02:04.920 --> 01:02:07.720
for kingdom marriage to come out of,

1071
01:02:07.720 --> 01:02:10.320
because it is not known for connection.

1072
01:02:10.320 --> 01:02:12.320
New York is known for disconnection.

1073
01:02:12.320 --> 01:02:14.960
It's known for people not even looking you in the eye,

1074
01:02:14.960 --> 01:02:16.560
let alone asking you on a date.

1075
01:02:16.560 --> 01:02:18.920
And just, you know, people closed off,

1076
01:02:18.920 --> 01:02:20.840
people suspicious of other people.

1077
01:02:20.840 --> 01:02:23.980
And I believe that God is going to change

1078
01:02:23.980 --> 01:02:28.980
the reputation of that place for kingdom connection.

1079
01:02:28.980 --> 01:02:31.300
And so I love to continue to sow seed

1080
01:02:31.300 --> 01:02:33.060
and water seed in that area.

1081
01:02:35.220 --> 01:02:36.620
That's right.

1082
01:02:36.620 --> 01:02:37.860
The city, I can agree.

1083
01:02:37.860 --> 01:02:40.020
I've been to see recently in the subway,

1084
01:02:40.020 --> 01:02:41.540
hardly anybody talks.

1085
01:02:43.020 --> 01:02:46.620
Well, it's not safe to talk is what they probably think.

1086
01:02:46.620 --> 01:02:48.780
And so, yeah.

1087
01:02:48.780 --> 01:02:51.660
And you guys, I've noticed just in general,

1088
01:02:51.660 --> 01:02:52.540
I live in Texas,

1089
01:02:52.540 --> 01:02:54.420
which is considered a very friendly place.

1090
01:02:54.420 --> 01:02:57.260
And I noticed that very few people make eye contact.

1091
01:02:57.260 --> 01:02:58.780
The next time you're out and about,

1092
01:02:58.780 --> 01:03:01.900
just notice how many people will not look you in the eye,

1093
01:03:01.900 --> 01:03:04.900
how many people will not look you in the face.

1094
01:03:04.900 --> 01:03:07.020
They won't acknowledge your existence.

1095
01:03:07.020 --> 01:03:08.700
You know, they're off in another world.

1096
01:03:08.700 --> 01:03:10.120
They got too much on their mind

1097
01:03:10.120 --> 01:03:13.420
or they're purposely not wanting to make connection.

1098
01:03:13.420 --> 01:03:15.500
It's pretty sad.

1099
01:03:15.500 --> 01:03:20.500
And so we definitely want to shift that for sure.

1100
01:03:21.220 --> 01:03:24.460
And we're going to, we're gonna continue to do that.

1101
01:03:24.460 --> 01:03:27.420
Okay, so we have about 30 minutes left

1102
01:03:27.420 --> 01:03:29.060
of our time here together.

1103
01:03:29.060 --> 01:03:31.220
So let's see.

1104
01:03:37.020 --> 01:03:38.940
All right, so William brings up a good point.

1105
01:03:38.940 --> 01:03:40.700
He said that, you know,

1106
01:03:40.700 --> 01:03:43.900
the church or the community that he's part of spiritually

1107
01:03:43.900 --> 01:03:47.740
has frowned upon asking people in the community,

1108
01:03:48.580 --> 01:03:52.300
you know, to be your wing woman or wing men,

1109
01:03:52.300 --> 01:03:54.340
or, you know, even on a date or whatever.

1110
01:03:54.340 --> 01:03:55.700
And that's unfortunate.

1111
01:03:55.700 --> 01:03:57.620
And I understand why some churches

1112
01:03:57.620 --> 01:03:58.820
don't want to get involved in that.

1113
01:03:58.820 --> 01:04:00.380
You guys, there's a lot of spiritual communities

1114
01:04:00.380 --> 01:04:04.300
that don't put an emphasis on single people getting married.

1115
01:04:04.300 --> 01:04:05.180
A lot.

1116
01:04:05.180 --> 01:04:09.540
Raise your hand if you feel like you have been now currently

1117
01:04:09.540 --> 01:04:12.620
or in the past been involved in a spiritual community

1118
01:04:12.620 --> 01:04:14.940
that didn't seem to care about, you know,

1119
01:04:14.940 --> 01:04:16.180
you wanting to get married

1120
01:04:16.260 --> 01:04:19.220
or just didn't seem to care about single people

1121
01:04:19.220 --> 01:04:22.980
being able to meet people and get, you know,

1122
01:04:22.980 --> 01:04:24.260
into a romantic relationship.

1123
01:04:24.260 --> 01:04:25.700
Look at all those hands.

1124
01:04:25.700 --> 01:04:27.420
That's a lot of hands.

1125
01:04:27.420 --> 01:04:28.380
Okay.

1126
01:04:28.380 --> 01:04:29.940
It's okay if I say.

1127
01:04:31.100 --> 01:04:31.940
Question.

1128
01:04:33.620 --> 01:04:35.540
Okay, Hunter, what's your question?

1129
01:04:35.540 --> 01:04:38.780
It's okay if I say that the church

1130
01:04:38.780 --> 01:04:40.900
doesn't want me to be married and they see that desire,

1131
01:04:40.900 --> 01:04:42.980
but they start to saying what,

1132
01:04:42.980 --> 01:04:45.780
they start to question and why it's not happening.

1133
01:04:48.500 --> 01:04:49.340
Sure.

1134
01:04:50.580 --> 01:04:51.420
Sure.

1135
01:04:52.340 --> 01:04:54.540
So you guys,

1136
01:04:55.900 --> 01:04:59.900
church is historically known as a place for, you know,

1137
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.360
couples and families, a lot of people feel that way

1138
01:05:02.360 --> 01:05:03.520
that are single.

1139
01:05:03.520 --> 01:05:05.440
A lot of singles have told me that they feel like

1140
01:05:05.440 --> 01:05:06.700
they've fallen through the cracks

1141
01:05:06.700 --> 01:05:09.640
while they do have friends at church and different things.

1142
01:05:09.640 --> 01:05:10.760
There's not a lot of programs,

1143
01:05:10.760 --> 01:05:13.280
there's not a lot of events or different things

1144
01:05:13.280 --> 01:05:16.080
that are geared towards specifically single people

1145
01:05:16.080 --> 01:05:20.960
being empowered and single people being able to mingle

1146
01:05:20.960 --> 01:05:24.220
with other single people and meet a possible match

1147
01:05:24.220 --> 01:05:25.060
for marriage.

1148
01:05:25.060 --> 01:05:26.460
And I think that's changing.

1149
01:05:26.460 --> 01:05:27.300
I really do.

1150
01:05:27.300 --> 01:05:29.240
I see a lot of singles groups popping up

1151
01:05:29.240 --> 01:05:31.800
that are associated with Christian communities.

1152
01:05:31.800 --> 01:05:33.440
And of course, we're out here

1153
01:05:33.440 --> 01:05:35.200
trying to do that work as well.

1154
01:05:35.200 --> 01:05:37.720
And I wanna let you know that we're gonna be doing

1155
01:05:37.720 --> 01:05:40.200
a lot of in-person events in 2024.

1156
01:05:40.200 --> 01:05:45.200
Retreats, conferences, even adventure type focused stuff

1157
01:05:46.800 --> 01:05:50.760
where people would be going on a vacation

1158
01:05:50.760 --> 01:05:53.440
type of situation together.

1159
01:05:53.440 --> 01:05:56.560
We're gonna be having things that are just for men,

1160
01:05:56.560 --> 01:05:59.080
just for women, things that are co-ed

1161
01:05:59.920 --> 01:06:01.880
because we really want people to be getting together

1162
01:06:01.880 --> 01:06:03.080
in person this year.

1163
01:06:03.080 --> 01:06:06.000
We're gonna partner with other singles communities

1164
01:06:06.000 --> 01:06:09.680
and other single brands in different areas here in Austin.

1165
01:06:09.680 --> 01:06:14.000
In fact, I just heard back from a single event planner here,

1166
01:06:14.000 --> 01:06:15.600
someone who plans events for singles

1167
01:06:15.600 --> 01:06:19.180
that we're going to collaborate on doing something together

1168
01:06:19.180 --> 01:06:23.980
here for Single City Austin and in other areas as well.

1169
01:06:23.980 --> 01:06:27.760
And you guys, I did not grow up in the church.

1170
01:06:27.760 --> 01:06:32.760
So if I throw a party, it's gonna be fun, okay?

1171
01:06:32.880 --> 01:06:34.880
I just wanna let you know that right now.

1172
01:06:34.880 --> 01:06:37.440
It's gonna be a fun time, a good time.

1173
01:06:37.440 --> 01:06:41.400
It's not gonna be some awkward, weird situation.

1174
01:06:41.400 --> 01:06:43.280
It's gonna be a good time

1175
01:06:44.600 --> 01:06:48.640
where there is lots of opportunity for connection.

1176
01:06:48.640 --> 01:06:51.720
All right, so what else we got here?

1177
01:06:52.720 --> 01:06:56.260
I do have a question, Jackie, sorry.

1178
01:06:58.120 --> 01:07:01.600
I was wondering where I can find the link

1179
01:07:01.600 --> 01:07:05.920
for the 1822 group

1180
01:07:05.920 --> 01:07:10.920
because I had many opportunities to talk about it,

1181
01:07:11.240 --> 01:07:15.080
but I couldn't because I couldn't refer the men

1182
01:07:15.080 --> 01:07:16.320
to the group.

1183
01:07:16.320 --> 01:07:21.320
That should be in your guide section of your Facebook group.

1184
01:07:21.320 --> 01:07:23.880
If you go to the guides in the link section,

1185
01:07:23.880 --> 01:07:27.120
you should be able to find the link to the group.

1186
01:07:27.120 --> 01:07:28.760
Is it your link?

1187
01:07:32.000 --> 01:07:33.440
It's your link that I see.

1188
01:07:33.440 --> 01:07:35.520
I don't see 1822.

1189
01:07:37.800 --> 01:07:39.520
There should be a link in there.

1190
01:07:39.520 --> 01:07:42.200
It says the 1822 challenge group for men.

1191
01:07:42.200 --> 01:07:44.840
And yes, it's my link, it's my group,

1192
01:07:44.840 --> 01:07:47.080
but that's what it's called.

1193
01:07:47.080 --> 01:07:48.760
Okay, thank you.

1194
01:07:48.760 --> 01:07:51.520
Yes, go with the guide section of your Facebook group

1195
01:07:51.520 --> 01:07:53.560
and look in the links section.

1196
01:07:53.560 --> 01:07:55.960
You might have to scroll down a little bit,

1197
01:07:55.960 --> 01:07:57.800
but you should see the one for the men.

1198
01:07:57.800 --> 01:07:58.960
So just say men's group,

1199
01:07:58.960 --> 01:08:01.120
and it'll have a link, the 1822 challenge.

1200
01:08:03.680 --> 01:08:05.960
All right, does anyone else have any other scenarios

1201
01:08:05.960 --> 01:08:09.120
or questions on tonight's Love Seeds 2024?

1202
01:08:09.120 --> 01:08:10.320
We're kicking it off.

1203
01:08:10.320 --> 01:08:11.400
We're going after it.

1204
01:08:12.880 --> 01:08:14.600
Well, let's put it in the chat.

1205
01:08:15.640 --> 01:08:16.479
Okay.

1206
01:08:18.800 --> 01:08:20.960
The link for 1822.

1207
01:08:20.960 --> 01:08:21.840
Okay, yeah, Cheryl.

1208
01:08:21.840 --> 01:08:23.279
Cheryl, just put the link in the chat,

1209
01:08:23.279 --> 01:08:24.760
whoever was asking for it just now.

1210
01:08:24.760 --> 01:08:26.840
I couldn't see who you were asking.

1211
01:08:27.960 --> 01:08:30.160
If you know anyone in Alaska, let me know.

1212
01:08:32.840 --> 01:08:33.680
That's fair.

1213
01:08:34.840 --> 01:08:36.240
She says that one of my churches

1214
01:08:36.240 --> 01:08:38.399
that felt like singleness was used as a recruitment tool

1215
01:08:38.399 --> 01:08:40.000
for volunteer and serving roles.

1216
01:08:40.000 --> 01:08:43.080
Yes, that's not a lie.

1217
01:08:43.720 --> 01:08:44.560
And yes.

1218
01:08:52.120 --> 01:08:52.960
All right.

1219
01:08:52.960 --> 01:08:54.160
Those are all good comments

1220
01:08:54.160 --> 01:08:55.960
if you guys read the comments there.

1221
01:08:58.240 --> 01:08:59.960
I think one of the steps that we can take

1222
01:08:59.960 --> 01:09:02.680
towards secure attachment, friends,

1223
01:09:02.680 --> 01:09:07.680
is that we need to start to not be afraid

1224
01:09:07.720 --> 01:09:12.600
to say that we need other people.

1225
01:09:12.600 --> 01:09:14.200
A lot of people are not afraid to say

1226
01:09:14.200 --> 01:09:15.439
that they want something,

1227
01:09:15.439 --> 01:09:18.000
but they're afraid to say that they need it.

1228
01:09:20.080 --> 01:09:22.040
Let's just sit there for just a second.

1229
01:09:23.200 --> 01:09:25.640
You need people.

1230
01:09:28.000 --> 01:09:32.160
Okay, and if you're called to partner and get married,

1231
01:09:32.160 --> 01:09:35.880
you need a woman, gentlemen.

1232
01:09:35.880 --> 01:09:37.560
God said you need a woman.

1233
01:09:37.560 --> 01:09:39.760
It's not good for a man to be alone, right?

1234
01:09:39.760 --> 01:09:41.840
Adam didn't ask God for Eve.

1235
01:09:43.600 --> 01:09:47.040
I really want, let's focus on that for a second.

1236
01:09:47.040 --> 01:09:50.319
Adam did not ask God for Eve.

1237
01:09:51.439 --> 01:09:54.480
Adam didn't know that he needed a helpmate.

1238
01:09:54.480 --> 01:09:57.800
God knew that he needed a helpmate.

1239
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:05.000
So Adam didn't ask for Eve, God told Adam that he needed Eve.

1240
01:10:08.440 --> 01:10:10.280
Do you guys see the difference there?

1241
01:10:13.760 --> 01:10:16.040
Okay, and so it's important that we understand

1242
01:10:16.040 --> 01:10:19.640
that we don't just want each other, we need each other.

1243
01:10:19.640 --> 01:10:22.880
And until you're really willing to allow the truth

1244
01:10:22.880 --> 01:10:25.520
of that statement to get deep in your heart,

1245
01:10:25.520 --> 01:10:28.760
you're going to be looking at people based on what?

1246
01:10:28.760 --> 01:10:31.320
Based on wants, based on wishes,

1247
01:10:31.320 --> 01:10:34.080
based on sometimes deficits.

1248
01:10:34.080 --> 01:10:37.440
Instead of looking at people as the God-given gift

1249
01:10:38.640 --> 01:10:43.160
that God created on the earth so that we can have full lives

1250
01:10:43.160 --> 01:10:45.600
so that we can accomplish the things

1251
01:10:45.600 --> 01:10:47.540
that God has placed us here to accomplish,

1252
01:10:47.540 --> 01:10:49.200
including loving Him.

1253
01:10:49.200 --> 01:10:50.680
There are parts of loving God

1254
01:10:50.680 --> 01:10:53.080
that you will never experience until you see them

1255
01:10:53.080 --> 01:10:54.680
through another person's eyes.

1256
01:10:54.680 --> 01:10:59.680
Seeing God through another person's eyes

1257
01:10:59.960 --> 01:11:01.360
that you're intimately connected with

1258
01:11:01.360 --> 01:11:04.000
will help draw you closer to God

1259
01:11:04.000 --> 01:11:06.760
in ways that you could not have gotten to on your own.

1260
01:11:09.760 --> 01:11:11.040
So for those of you that are worried

1261
01:11:11.040 --> 01:11:12.280
that you're gonna get married

1262
01:11:12.280 --> 01:11:13.680
and you're not gonna love God as much,

1263
01:11:13.680 --> 01:11:15.040
you're gonna love God more.

1264
01:11:17.920 --> 01:11:19.800
Okay, Corinne, hands up.

1265
01:11:20.800 --> 01:11:22.040
Hi, thank you.

1266
01:11:22.040 --> 01:11:22.880
Hi.

1267
01:11:22.880 --> 01:11:26.320
Hi, I have an age range question, if that's okay.

1268
01:11:26.320 --> 01:11:30.480
Just kind of wondering what, particularly for younger,

1269
01:11:30.480 --> 01:11:33.720
like I'm 41, there seems to be a lot of 28,

1270
01:11:33.720 --> 01:11:35.080
29-year-olds interested,

1271
01:11:35.080 --> 01:11:38.040
and I'm kind of feeling like a little too young,

1272
01:11:38.040 --> 01:11:38.880
but I didn't know,

1273
01:11:38.880 --> 01:11:40.880
I know maturity is in who you are,

1274
01:11:40.880 --> 01:11:41.960
not necessarily a number,

1275
01:11:41.960 --> 01:11:44.760
but just wondering if I'm being too strict with that

1276
01:11:44.760 --> 01:11:47.400
or if you have a recommendation for age range.

1277
01:11:48.360 --> 01:11:50.040
You know, there are people that,

1278
01:11:50.040 --> 01:11:53.160
you know, personality obviously doesn't have an age.

1279
01:11:53.160 --> 01:11:55.720
And so I think that there are some age ranges

1280
01:11:55.720 --> 01:11:58.640
that you're going to run into difficulties.

1281
01:11:58.640 --> 01:12:00.000
You will run into difficulties.

1282
01:12:00.000 --> 01:12:02.440
You might not run into difficulties in this season of life,

1283
01:12:02.440 --> 01:12:03.840
but you're gonna run into difficulties

1284
01:12:03.840 --> 01:12:05.680
in another season of life.

1285
01:12:05.680 --> 01:12:08.720
You know, if you're 10, 14 years older than someone,

1286
01:12:08.720 --> 01:12:12.320
you know, it's all great when you're, you know, 32,

1287
01:12:12.320 --> 01:12:14.000
you know, even 38 years old,

1288
01:12:14.000 --> 01:12:17.080
but when you're 68 and they're like in their 40s still,

1289
01:12:17.360 --> 01:12:18.640
then what, you know?

1290
01:12:18.640 --> 01:12:22.680
And so you have to be willing to understand

1291
01:12:22.680 --> 01:12:25.040
that if you're gonna have longevity in a relationship

1292
01:12:25.040 --> 01:12:27.600
that eventually things will get hard.

1293
01:12:27.600 --> 01:12:29.520
And if you're willing to do that,

1294
01:12:29.520 --> 01:12:31.920
then I don't think that it's a big deal.

1295
01:12:31.920 --> 01:12:35.080
Now, if we're shopping for someone younger than us

1296
01:12:35.080 --> 01:12:40.080
on purpose for reasons that are purely selfish,

1297
01:12:40.120 --> 01:12:43.720
then I think that that is always a bad idea.

1298
01:12:43.720 --> 01:12:46.240
You know, I do have men specifically,

1299
01:12:46.240 --> 01:12:48.840
I don't think I've ever, maybe I've had one woman

1300
01:12:50.000 --> 01:12:53.040
trying to think, maybe one or two women

1301
01:12:54.200 --> 01:12:57.280
express a desire for a much younger man,

1302
01:12:57.280 --> 01:13:00.040
but we do have quite a few men that come through

1303
01:13:00.040 --> 01:13:02.600
that do not want to marry their peers,

1304
01:13:02.600 --> 01:13:04.120
meaning they don't want to marry women

1305
01:13:04.120 --> 01:13:07.240
that are within a five year age range of them.

1306
01:13:07.240 --> 01:13:10.360
They want to marry someone who's 10, 14,

1307
01:13:10.360 --> 01:13:12.160
15 years younger than them.

1308
01:13:12.160 --> 01:13:13.920
And, you know, first of all,

1309
01:13:13.920 --> 01:13:17.120
that's dishonoring to their peers, right?

1310
01:13:17.120 --> 01:13:21.320
Because these are the people that you grew up with

1311
01:13:21.320 --> 01:13:22.440
that you went to high school with.

1312
01:13:22.440 --> 01:13:24.640
These are the women that are in your age range.

1313
01:13:24.640 --> 01:13:26.120
You know, a lot of these men are men

1314
01:13:26.120 --> 01:13:28.720
that they didn't get married for whatever reason.

1315
01:13:28.720 --> 01:13:31.400
They're working on their career or doing something different

1316
01:13:31.400 --> 01:13:36.400
and now, you know, they're past a woman's childbearing age

1317
01:13:36.920 --> 01:13:39.560
that are their peers, but they want to, you know,

1318
01:13:39.560 --> 01:13:43.520
marry in a younger generation so that they can have,

1319
01:13:43.520 --> 01:13:45.160
you know, biological children.

1320
01:13:45.160 --> 01:13:47.520
You know, that happens sometimes

1321
01:13:47.520 --> 01:13:50.320
and it definitely has happened in past generations.

1322
01:13:50.320 --> 01:13:52.640
A lot of times that was about financial security

1323
01:13:52.640 --> 01:13:54.360
for those younger women.

1324
01:13:54.360 --> 01:13:55.840
It doesn't happen as much.

1325
01:13:55.840 --> 01:13:58.400
Now that women work and women have their own money

1326
01:13:58.400 --> 01:14:00.160
and women have their own abilities

1327
01:14:00.160 --> 01:14:02.240
to make their way in life,

1328
01:14:02.240 --> 01:14:04.480
not a lot of women, unless they're gold diggers

1329
01:14:04.480 --> 01:14:06.120
and you're a really rich man,

1330
01:14:06.120 --> 01:14:08.480
not a lot of women are interested in marrying someone

1331
01:14:08.480 --> 01:14:11.680
who's old enough to have graduated from high school

1332
01:14:11.680 --> 01:14:13.280
or been close to graduating high school

1333
01:14:14.040 --> 01:14:14.880
when they were born.

1334
01:14:14.880 --> 01:14:16.720
Not a lot of women are interested in that.

1335
01:14:16.720 --> 01:14:18.000
That being said, you know,

1336
01:14:18.000 --> 01:14:20.640
that's a huge age difference for you.

1337
01:14:20.640 --> 01:14:25.280
Someone in their 20s, my son is 28 years old

1338
01:14:25.280 --> 01:14:30.000
and I can't imagine anyone who is your age

1339
01:14:30.000 --> 01:14:31.480
wanting to date him.

1340
01:14:31.480 --> 01:14:34.000
And so I guess it really depends on the person,

1341
01:14:34.000 --> 01:14:36.080
depends on the guy, depends on what he's like

1342
01:14:36.080 --> 01:14:38.200
and his maturity level and whether or not

1343
01:14:38.200 --> 01:14:40.440
you think you're going to have something compatible

1344
01:14:40.440 --> 01:14:43.160
long-term and whether or not when you guys get older,

1345
01:14:43.920 --> 01:14:45.000
if you're married, you're going to be able to deal

1346
01:14:45.000 --> 01:14:47.200
with the fact that people will think maybe

1347
01:14:47.200 --> 01:14:49.520
that you're his older sister or even his mom.

1348
01:14:52.160 --> 01:14:53.320
Nobody wants that.

1349
01:14:55.080 --> 01:14:56.360
No woman wants that.

1350
01:14:58.360 --> 01:14:59.720
Once what again?

1351
01:15:00.960 --> 01:15:03.120
wants to be mistaken for their husband's mother.

1352
01:15:08.640 --> 01:15:12.800
So what I'm hearing then is I'm not being too strict by being like, I don't think so.

1353
01:15:14.320 --> 01:15:19.440
I, you know, I think it would be fine to do something five or six years younger.

1354
01:15:19.440 --> 01:15:24.160
For me, what I've seen with, you know, we do have May-December romances.

1355
01:15:24.800 --> 01:15:28.400
Two of my really close friends are married to men that are 25 years older than them.

1356
01:15:29.040 --> 01:15:33.760
Okay. So I, it, that does happen. Both of those men are very rich though. I will say that.

1357
01:15:34.320 --> 01:15:37.920
And both of my friends are very bougie. The ones that are married to those men.

1358
01:15:38.560 --> 01:15:45.040
But May-December romances definitely happen in the opposite way as well. My former husband

1359
01:15:45.040 --> 01:15:50.960
married a woman who's eight years older than him. And so definitely those things happen for sure.

1360
01:15:50.960 --> 01:15:56.640
And those can be happy unions. But when we're talking about something that's more than 10 years,

1361
01:15:57.280 --> 01:16:01.760
then you have to start to consider some of the, you know, long-term effects of that.

1362
01:16:03.280 --> 01:16:04.960
Thank you. You're welcome.

1363
01:16:05.920 --> 01:16:09.760
And there are guys that are interested in you that are probably closer to your age as well.

1364
01:16:10.640 --> 01:16:17.840
You do look young for your age. So, you know, and you guys, men are notoriously a bad guess at age.

1365
01:16:19.280 --> 01:16:23.440
A lot of the guys that I deal with, I'll be like, well, how old do you think this woman is? And they

1366
01:16:23.440 --> 01:16:31.680
will guess way off. And I'm like, oh, the guy might deal with someone who's like, yeah, you know,

1367
01:16:31.680 --> 01:16:36.640
they're like 50 and they're, they're wanting, you know, they're like, I don't know. I don't

1368
01:16:36.640 --> 01:16:41.440
know if there are any women my age that I'd be attracted to. You know, I, you know, thinking that

1369
01:16:41.440 --> 01:16:48.160
50 year old women aren't attractive still. And then I have to break the news to them that I'm

1370
01:16:48.160 --> 01:16:54.480
50 years old. And I don't find that, find that quite offensive. And they're like,

1371
01:16:54.480 --> 01:16:59.280
oh, wow. I thought you were like 35. And I'm like, yeah, see, you're not a good judge of age.

1372
01:16:59.840 --> 01:17:08.080
So maybe we should rethink that gentlemen. Let's rethink that because just because a woman,

1373
01:17:08.080 --> 01:17:13.600
women are aging, listen, women that are born in the sixties and seventies are aging, like fine

1374
01:17:13.600 --> 01:17:18.320
wine. I'm going to tell you right now, I've seen them around and they're looking good.

1375
01:17:19.440 --> 01:17:26.320
50 sixties and seventies just to looking good. Okay. All right. Got off on a tangent with the

1376
01:17:26.320 --> 01:17:34.720
age thing. I'm eight, 18. Okay. Who else has something? Who has a dating question?

1377
01:17:34.720 --> 01:17:38.320
You're in a situation. You want advice on it? Anybody?

1378
01:17:39.040 --> 01:17:43.040
I can't really talk about it in a position where I can talk, but I did put my question in the chat

1379
01:17:43.040 --> 01:17:54.080
a minute ago. Okay. Let me see. Meg. That's Meg, right? All right. Yes. I have a situation.

1380
01:17:54.640 --> 01:18:01.200
I've been talking to this guy and we've had two F2F dates. F2F?

1381
01:18:02.000 --> 01:18:14.240
Face to face. Oh, thank you. He tried to kiss me after the first. So before the second,

1382
01:18:14.240 --> 01:18:18.480
I made sure to let him know that I wasn't ready for that. Wanted to go slower. He didn't try to

1383
01:18:18.480 --> 01:18:23.760
kiss me again on the second date, but did bring it up the next day that he wanted to, but that

1384
01:18:23.760 --> 01:18:29.360
I didn't, I just joked it off by saying, laughed it off by saying maybe soon. And his response was

1385
01:18:29.360 --> 01:18:34.160
how many dates? I am definitely not ready for level three with him now. And really not sure

1386
01:18:34.160 --> 01:18:38.080
we'll get there at this stage. Ideas for a response, or is this leaning more towards a

1387
01:18:38.080 --> 01:18:43.760
red than yellow flag? I mean, he obviously is trying to figure out how much he has to invest

1388
01:18:43.760 --> 01:18:50.560
in before he's going to get a kiss, which is interesting. Yeah. I mean,

1389
01:18:52.400 --> 01:18:56.400
at least he's being upfront about the fact that he wants to kiss you and wants to know how many

1390
01:18:56.400 --> 01:19:01.440
dates you're going to need in order for you to feel comfortable doing that. And I would have to

1391
01:19:01.440 --> 01:19:08.720
say that in my heart of hearts, I feel like that's just the gateway drug, right? In a way that he's

1392
01:19:08.720 --> 01:19:14.160
like, how many dates until I get the first kiss? And then of course, when you break that seal,

1393
01:19:14.160 --> 01:19:20.480
going further into that. So he's definitely more focused on the physical aspects of the connection.

1394
01:19:21.440 --> 01:19:28.400
And if I were you, that would make me wonder if he's interested in the other aspects of me.

1395
01:19:29.520 --> 01:19:35.680
If he's so focused on, hey, when am I going to get to have some kind of sexual contact with you? Even

1396
01:19:35.680 --> 01:19:41.920
if it's just a kiss, are you just going out with me so you can get there, get me comfortable to

1397
01:19:41.920 --> 01:19:47.360
that place? Or are you actually interested in other aspects of me? And so I think that's a

1398
01:19:47.440 --> 01:19:54.240
fair question. Instead of, answer a question with a question, how many dates until I get the first

1399
01:19:54.240 --> 01:19:59.440
kiss? And then you can say, well, I don't know, how many dates is it going to take until

1400
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:03.760
I feel like I can trust that you're interested in more than a kiss.

1401
01:20:05.360 --> 01:20:07.200
Oh, touche, my friend.

1402
01:20:08.960 --> 01:20:12.720
So Meg, please let us know how that goes because inquiring minds want to know.

1403
01:20:13.920 --> 01:20:15.280
Thank you. That's good advice.

1404
01:20:15.920 --> 01:20:16.420
Yes.

1405
01:20:19.440 --> 01:20:25.600
And you guys, there's nothing wrong with kissing. Kissing is great. I love kissing. But once again,

1406
01:20:25.600 --> 01:20:32.880
we're not trying to just kiss to kiss. We obviously want to have that be part of a

1407
01:20:32.880 --> 01:20:39.200
bigger package of relationships. All right. Anybody else have a question? That was a good one.

1408
01:20:43.040 --> 01:20:48.320
Oh, I love this. Paul says, good question. Dated women who get physical early. Ladies,

1409
01:20:48.320 --> 01:20:54.080
it's not just the guys. And I've heard plenty of men say this, that the woman wanted to go

1410
01:20:54.080 --> 01:20:59.200
too far, too fast, physical. And a lot of times it's because the woman wants to like mark you.

1411
01:20:59.200 --> 01:21:05.440
She wants to mark you, trying to seduce you, get a little claws in you. Okay. And so it's

1412
01:21:05.440 --> 01:21:09.040
important that we understand that that's not just a male man thing. They were like, oh,

1413
01:21:09.040 --> 01:21:14.880
these men, they want to get sexual too fast. No, women do it too. For sure. All right.

1414
01:21:16.800 --> 01:21:21.520
For Paul's over here being molested by these women who want to just go too far, too fast.

1415
01:21:22.160 --> 01:21:26.400
Paul, we're going to protect you. Aren't we? Ladies, we're not going to let it happen on our

1416
01:21:26.400 --> 01:21:33.600
watch, but seriously, you know, it's one thing for a woman to shut a man down. That's kind of

1417
01:21:33.600 --> 01:21:38.400
normal, but you know, for a man to have to shut a woman down, be like, Hey, down girl,

1418
01:21:38.400 --> 01:21:45.520
come on, calm down. I mean, that's, that's not fun. That's not fun for a man to have to do that.

1419
01:21:45.520 --> 01:21:55.360
No. In fact, I would be curious about the language that men would use in that situation.

1420
01:21:55.360 --> 01:22:01.520
Paul, do you have any, do you have any examples of what you would say to someone

1421
01:22:01.520 --> 01:22:04.320
who is trying to come on too strong physically?

1422
01:22:04.320 --> 01:22:17.440
My, my husband's over in the corner working on something. He's like, yo, bro. What's up?

1423
01:22:20.880 --> 01:22:22.000
My voice is gone.

1424
01:22:24.640 --> 01:22:29.440
That's going around. Yeah. That's voices. People losing their voices. It's going around. Yeah.

1425
01:22:29.440 --> 01:22:33.840
We can hear you. No, I wish I had a good comeback for that. Cause it's kind of awkward.

1426
01:22:34.880 --> 01:22:38.960
It is awkward. I agree. It's also hard to turn down.

1427
01:22:40.000 --> 01:22:43.360
Yeah. It's also hard to turn down. I mean, we're talking to men, you know, of course they're like,

1428
01:22:43.360 --> 01:22:48.400
Hey, yeah, but no, because it's dishonoring. And I, we would appreciate that about you, Paul,

1429
01:22:48.400 --> 01:22:54.800
that you would just because she wanted to, that you wouldn't want to do that with someone who

1430
01:22:54.800 --> 01:22:58.960
you don't have those types of feelings with or that level of relationship with. And gentlemen,

1431
01:22:58.960 --> 01:23:02.400
I think that you can do the same thing that we tell women to do to say, Hey, you know what?

1432
01:23:02.400 --> 01:23:08.160
I'm not ready for that. And just leave it at that. And, you know, if she thinks if she's like,

1433
01:23:08.160 --> 01:23:15.600
Whoa, that's weird for a man to say, well then be the weird man, be the weird and honorable man.

1434
01:23:18.960 --> 01:23:25.360
Cute ladies giving Vicky this granny panty advice. Oh my. Oh my.

1435
01:23:25.360 --> 01:23:33.200
I love y'all. Okay. All right. We have, we have time for at least one more.

1436
01:23:36.480 --> 01:23:41.280
Someone said down, Bessie. Oh my.

1437
01:23:44.880 --> 01:23:52.240
Meg is owning it. She's like, she used to as well. She's conscious. Yeah. Ladies. A lot of times,

1438
01:23:52.240 --> 01:23:57.440
you know, women just, they want, they want to seal the deal. They want, they want to know that

1439
01:23:57.440 --> 01:24:02.480
that guy's going to be coming back for more. They're trying to, you know, trying to get them

1440
01:24:02.480 --> 01:24:07.600
kind of hooked. Let me tell you something about these dating phases, whatever you bait the hook

1441
01:24:07.600 --> 01:24:12.400
with guys and girls, whatever you bait the hook with, whatever you catch them with, you're going

1442
01:24:12.400 --> 01:24:16.560
to have to keep them with. And so make sure that you're not catching them with something that's

1443
01:24:16.560 --> 01:24:23.120
not sustainable. Gentlemen, don't catch them with your paycheck and fancy dinners and money,

1444
01:24:23.120 --> 01:24:28.240
because what happens if you know, you go through a drought in your finances, if that woman's only

1445
01:24:28.240 --> 01:24:33.040
with you for the wine and dine experience, and she's going to be long gone, you know,

1446
01:24:34.240 --> 01:24:38.880
we, we don't want to really outside bait is soulmate territory. We don't want to try to

1447
01:24:38.880 --> 01:24:43.600
catch them with any kind of sexuality. The dark feminine ladies, that's a real thing.

1448
01:24:43.600 --> 01:24:52.320
Manipulation, seduction, right? Don't, don't go there. And then outside bait, inside bait,

1449
01:24:52.960 --> 01:24:59.120
spirit mate. Okay. Spirit mates are inside bait. So, you know, our, our piece, I had a girl the

1450
01:24:59.120 --> 01:24:59.920
other day. I understand.

1451
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:03.360
introduced her to someone and she said, man, this guy, I didn't introduce her.

1452
01:25:03.360 --> 01:25:06.880
She met someone in our community and she said, man, this man carries a lot of

1453
01:25:06.880 --> 01:25:12.360
peace. She's like, he's such a peaceful guy to talk to, you know, that's inside

1454
01:25:12.360 --> 01:25:16.880
bait. That's spirit mate stuff right there. Everyone wants to be around someone

1455
01:25:16.880 --> 01:25:23.040
who just makes them feel calm and happy. Okay, so be yourself, cultivate the gifts

1456
01:25:23.040 --> 01:25:26.440
of the spirit. There's nothing sexier than a healthy healed and whole heart.

1457
01:25:27.440 --> 01:25:30.920
There's nothing sexier. Everything else is going to sag. Gravity is going to

1458
01:25:30.920 --> 01:25:36.520
take its toll on everything else. Okay. And the economy is going to take its

1459
01:25:36.520 --> 01:25:40.080
toll on everything else at times. Not saying you're not going to prosper. You

1460
01:25:40.080 --> 01:25:44.080
are. But if someone's only with you during times of prosperity, then

1461
01:25:44.080 --> 01:25:50.200
they're the wrong person for you. Okay, who else? Time for one more. No tongue,

1462
01:25:50.200 --> 01:25:52.960
no tonsils. Y'all are getting dirty in here. Where are we at?

1463
01:25:56.560 --> 01:25:58.920
Hug me until there's a mutual connection.

1464
01:26:02.320 --> 01:26:05.720
I think what she means is not like in one sitting, like we're only going to do

1465
01:26:05.720 --> 01:26:10.720
hugs after dates until there's a mutual desire and connection. Not like, hug me

1466
01:26:10.880 --> 01:26:14.240
and keep hugging me until I'm interested. No.

1467
01:26:17.680 --> 01:26:20.920
An hour later, they're still hugging you like, are you ready yet? No, I'm still

1468
01:26:20.920 --> 01:26:26.040
not ready. No, that's not what she means. Nine hours later.

1469
01:26:30.280 --> 01:26:34.440
Gentlemen, I hope you enjoy your sisters in this community because we're crazy in

1470
01:26:34.440 --> 01:26:37.360
a good way. Crazy like a box. Okay, anyone else?

1471
01:26:45.920 --> 01:26:49.960
All right, I see some ladies in here that you know, I've seen you for a while.

1472
01:26:50.040 --> 01:26:53.880
I want to just encourage you that some of the the people that have been in my

1473
01:26:53.880 --> 01:26:57.240
program the longest, they're actually starting to announce their engagements

1474
01:26:57.240 --> 01:27:02.160
are getting married. So makes me so happy. There are very few people from my

1475
01:27:02.160 --> 01:27:07.240
first inaugural class of this that are not married. Okay, so are not in a

1476
01:27:07.240 --> 01:27:12.040
serious relationship. And so that makes me really, really happy. I had a picture

1477
01:27:12.040 --> 01:27:16.600
of my first Austin retreat of all the ladies that came out for that. And I put

1478
01:27:16.600 --> 01:27:20.200
little red slashes like little over their head of the ones that are in a

1479
01:27:20.200 --> 01:27:24.640
serious relationship or married, serious relationship engaged or married. And it

1480
01:27:24.640 --> 01:27:29.360
was pretty much everyone except for a handful. And that makes me really happy.

1481
01:27:29.560 --> 01:27:34.680
And so I want to encourage you also be on the lookout of friends becoming

1482
01:27:34.680 --> 01:27:40.320
lovers in the way of people that maybe you knew in the past, you you may be even

1483
01:27:40.320 --> 01:27:43.960
barely an acquaintance with them. Maybe they were at the same high school as you

1484
01:27:43.960 --> 01:27:46.960
but you know, you didn't really know them that well that circling background

1485
01:27:47.120 --> 01:27:51.320
that's happened to two of my clients just recently, someone that they knew 16

1486
01:27:51.320 --> 01:27:55.680
years ago. Now all of a sudden they move back to the small town that they grew up

1487
01:27:55.680 --> 01:27:59.320
in and they moved back to and now they're together. That's happened a

1488
01:27:59.320 --> 01:28:05.600
couple times now. So do not count that kind of stuff out. Because that's

1489
01:28:05.600 --> 01:28:09.080
definitely happening. I have one of that's happened to three of my clients

1490
01:28:09.120 --> 01:28:16.080
actually. And one of them is actually marrying that person. I think on the

1491
01:28:16.080 --> 01:28:21.680
18th of January. So that's exciting. You're like, Jackie, how do you keep all

1492
01:28:21.680 --> 01:28:25.640
these records in your head? I don't know. It was. I don't know. Must be

1493
01:28:25.640 --> 01:28:32.040
supernatural. All right, you guys, we have prophesy your year coming. For those

1494
01:28:32.040 --> 01:28:34.440
of you that have done it before, raise your hand if you've ever done it before

1495
01:28:34.440 --> 01:28:38.880
you did it last January or you did it at Rosh Hashanah. Raise your hand if

1496
01:28:38.880 --> 01:28:42.840
you've ever done it. Go ahead and put in the chat how life changing it was. I

1497
01:28:42.840 --> 01:28:47.960
use my calendar, my my prophesy your year calendar. It really helped me in some

1498
01:28:47.960 --> 01:28:51.840
different months of the year to really have clarity and what God was saying to

1499
01:28:51.840 --> 01:28:56.680
me. It's a very supernatural time. Lindsay has agreed to come back and do

1500
01:28:56.680 --> 01:29:00.160
it again at the first of the year. It's going to be this Sunday night. It's going

1501
01:29:00.160 --> 01:29:08.120
to be 430 Pacific, 630 Central and 730 Eastern. If you're not coming, you will

1502
01:29:08.120 --> 01:29:11.880
still have activation time. So you can go to that. We're not going to cancel

1503
01:29:11.880 --> 01:29:15.720
that. But if you do want to come and you've never experienced it, it is going

1504
01:29:15.720 --> 01:29:19.160
to rock your little socks off. And the more people that come, the better,

1505
01:29:19.160 --> 01:29:22.960
because we have those prophetic, prophetic partner breakout sessions where

1506
01:29:22.960 --> 01:29:26.280
that person is going to be the confirmation of your prophetic words

1507
01:29:26.280 --> 01:29:31.160
over each month. And that's what it is. Lindsay will lead you in how to hear from

1508
01:29:31.160 --> 01:29:36.640
God in advance of the months of the year in 2024 and what your focus should be in

1509
01:29:36.680 --> 01:29:39.880
those months and what God is saying to you about those months. And we're going

1510
01:29:39.880 --> 01:29:43.760
to have an extended time this time instead of 90 minutes. It's going to be

1511
01:29:43.760 --> 01:29:48.320
two hours long and it's going to be great. So go ahead and put that on the

1512
01:29:48.320 --> 01:29:52.000
calendar. If you plan on going to that, the registration for that will be up in

1513
01:29:52.000 --> 01:29:55.720
the groups soon. All right. I just want to pray over you. Father, highlight your

1514
01:29:55.720 --> 01:29:59.400
sons and daughters. They have spirit mates. This is their time.

1515
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:02.020
calling them as missionaries to marriage and family.

1516
01:30:02.020 --> 01:30:03.860
It's time for revival.

1517
01:30:03.860 --> 01:30:06.760
It's time for whatever has been the patterns in the past,

1518
01:30:06.760 --> 01:30:09.900
we left in the past, and a step into the future, Lord.

1519
01:30:09.900 --> 01:30:12.260
We know that you are going to equip them.

1520
01:30:12.260 --> 01:30:15.540
You do not call the equipped, you equip the called.

1521
01:30:15.540 --> 01:30:17.340
And so they are called to marriage and family,

1522
01:30:17.340 --> 01:30:20.340
and you will equip them with what they need in the moment.

1523
01:30:20.340 --> 01:30:22.420
I pray, Lord, that they would continue to press in here,

1524
01:30:22.420 --> 01:30:24.740
that they would show up to intercession and to prayer.

1525
01:30:24.740 --> 01:30:26.140
Let this be a time of intercession.

1526
01:30:26.140 --> 01:30:27.480
I'm feeling that in my spirit.

1527
01:30:27.480 --> 01:30:29.420
Let's press into our prayer times together

1528
01:30:29.460 --> 01:30:31.740
as a community and really intercede

1529
01:30:31.740 --> 01:30:35.140
over what God wants to have happen in 2024.

1530
01:30:35.140 --> 01:30:36.500
I believe it's a birthing year.

1531
01:30:36.500 --> 01:30:37.760
It's a leap year.

1532
01:30:37.760 --> 01:30:39.840
So I believe it's gonna be an accelerated time

1533
01:30:39.840 --> 01:30:42.060
where we're gonna leap forward into the promises of God

1534
01:30:42.060 --> 01:30:43.320
like never before.

1535
01:30:43.320 --> 01:30:46.180
Let it be so, in Jesus' name, amen.

1536
01:30:46.180 --> 01:30:47.180
All right, love you.