All right, we're back. It kicked me off, but now I'm back. Hello. Hello.
All right. That is not my Christmas tree that's still up.
So don't pay attention to it because that's not what it is.
And once again, if you can get on camera, get on camera tonight.
We're going to get over the fear of being seen tonight.
That is what tonight is all about.
And so you have to be able to be willing to just show up however you are.
I purposely just showed up with no eyelashes, you know, wet hair.
My hair is wet right now.
I don't know if you can tell, but it's wet.
And so let's get on camera.
This is a session.
So, guys, that includes you.
If there are any men on here,
then get on here as well.
And let's see your face.
Now, if you're at work or you're someplace where you're,
you know, secretly listening in, you're not allowed to be listening in.
But you are.
I got like one little earbud in and you're, you know,
paying attention to your patient that is on life support.
Please get off here and go pay attention to your patient instead.
But just kidding, but not not kidding.
So, yeah, you guys know.
All right.
Look at all these beautiful faces.
Hello. Hello.
All right.
So, you guys, so many cool things are happening in 2024 for this community.
So glad that you guys are with us for some of the the upgrades
that we're headed towards.
I know a lot of you have just really, really wanted us
to have some kind of dating out.
And we are so here in the next couple of months,
we will have a community based matchmaking mechanism in which to,
you know, think of it as your Airbnb review.
If you don't like someplace that you stayed, you can let us know.
So lots of really cool changes in person stuff as well.
You guys, the past obviously have changed, too.
If you feel like you really need to work on yourself
and maybe it's just for one week, you just really had a hard week
and you're not interested in hearing about how to date better.
You're not interested in hearing about how to make your relationship better,
even if you're talking to someone
and you just want to show up to path one, just do some hard work.
That's where you need to show up that week.
We only have it by by monthly twice a month.
We'll have pads show up to path one.
OK, path two is always going to be about,
you know, how to put yourself out there better, how to, you know,
tweak what it is that you're doing in your dating life, how to date better,
how to how to make this your dating for mating season.
And then path three will always be empowerment for relationships.
So whether you're just beginning a level two relationship
and you really think it's going to go somewhere
and you want to show up and get those skills or you're in a exclusive path,
exclusive level three relationship or you're already engaged,
whatever path three will always be there for you.
And sometimes it's going to be an all path session.
The second path session for January is going to be all about
overcoming relationship anxiety.
I've heard way too many stories of people really being worried
that they're going to pick the wrong one or that God says no.
And they're reading the signs wrong and they're freaking themselves out.
And they're becoming avoidant, attached, meaning that they're getting picky
and critical and paranoid.
And we're going to unpack where that's coming from all together as a community,
all three paths together for the next session this month. OK.
All right. So that's a little housekeeping at the beginning here.
Also for your community night, which is one 16, January 16th,
which I know because that's my birthday.
And you guys are going to be doing a great heart rehab session
if you've never done our 12 step heart work based recovery model session.
It's super fun. It's all about breakout sessions.
It's all about talking and having people listen and in small group.
And so you're going to want to come to that.
And then, of course, we have a single spotlight at the end of the month.
And that is going to be a really a good time
of getting to meet some of our singles.
And maybe that is going to be someone that, you know, you want to mingle with.
Guys, we've had lots of people get married off of our he said,
she says, and single spotlights.
In fact, I heard from one of our success couples from single spotlight.
And he said, she said today, everyone remember Ralph and Diana?
They're doing well.
I heard from them today and they're doing good and so exciting times.
All right, let's talk about the grace being on your face.
Let's talk about that.
So let me take a look. I'm going to swipe.
Pretty much everyone is on their camera is on.
And I really want to encourage you guys that this is the time where you have to come out of hiding.
You got to come out of hiding.
Now I know that we don't always look our best and we don't always feel our best and we don't always feel like you know we have something to offer.
As far as the outside of us, or the inside of us that's shining on the outside of us, but we have to remember that God has highlighted us and spotlighted us in this season and he can't spotlight you if you're hiding out under your bed somewhere.
And so the first thing that I want to say is it's called Facebook.
Guys, it's called Facebook. And yeah, I know we hate it.
I know we hate Facebook. We hate social media just in general, you know, I mean you guys if I didn't have to ever get on social media ever again I never would.
I feel like the world was so much better without it. And yet, here we are, because of social media so it's a, it's a love hate thing, isn't it.
But it is called Facebook.
And I understand if you're in the witness protection program why your avatar is a cat on Facebook, I get it.
And I give you a pass if you're hiding out under a fake name and you know the avatar of two monkeys dancing. I get it.
But everybody else you should have your beautiful face as your avatar on Facebook, because that's why it's called that.
It started out kind of like a dating app right Facebook, just in general for the college students. That's what it started out as.
Yeah, right, that adds up.
That makes sense.
But we need to get our faces out there. We cannot be afraid to have our faces out there.
And you guys not some over altered and over filtered face.
I gotta be honest with you, I gotta tell you something. So I had this big photo shoot for my book, my book came out two years ago, and you know, and professional photos, especially if they're editorial like that, they're very photoshopped.
And so I had those photos and I was like wow you know like it's like glamour shots remember glamour shots back in the day and then so I had these photos of myself.
And so, you know, I've gained a lot of weight.
So my face is a lot fuller than it normally would be and you guys, I think we should normal, I think we should normalize just saying I don't feel like coming today because I have the perimenopause, and nothing fits, and I'm unhappy.
And I hate the way I look, and so I'm not coming I'm not showing up today, we need to normalize that because that's a real thing.
I just started feeling like bad you know and then every picture you guys. Bottom line is this, I catfished myself. I catfished my own self. Why and how I saw very very photoshopped pictures of myself and then when I saw real pictures of myself I was like,
I was super scared and I didn't understand. I was like, oh my god, it's like you forget what you really look like when you use those filters too much. If you use them too much, you will see a real picture of yourself.
You will friends that someone else tags you in that they took when you weren't looking at some party or some event somewhere, and you will be scared, because you're so used to seeing these over altered versions of you.
Now, I'm not opposed to every bar and getting a new coat of paint.
Right, for sure.
But please be careful. I know that everyone is armed with those little filter apps on your phone, please be careful with how much you filter those because, first of all, men are clueless.
Every woman that sees that picture is going to know you filtered it. They're going to be like, oh, that's a cute picture. They're going to know in their mind that it's a filter, but they're still going to be like, girl, you look cute.
The guys are going to think you really look like that.
They're not going to look at it and say, oh, that's a filter. I mean, unless it obviously is a crazy filter.
They're not.
And I see we have a few gentlemen on here finally. Okay, good, because I'm going to talk to y'all as well.
Don't, don't take pictures.
Just look the way that you look.
But that being said, I'm going to talk to you about how you can put your best face forward, who's ready to talk about that.
You want some tips about putting your best face forward. So we live in this digital world.
where a lot of you are gonna meet people
that have never met you in person
before they've seen you online.
Even here on Zoom, they've seen you online.
They've seen you in some picture on a dating app.
They've seen you in a picture on Facebook.
Maybe they've seen you like on the portion
of our community that we're gonna begin to have out there
here in the next hopefully six to eight weeks.
But they've never seen you in real life.
You guys, we look different in real life than we do.
Even on Zoom, you're taller, maybe you're shorter,
maybe you're a little curvier than you look on the camera
or on the picture.
And so when you are specifically putting out pictures
for the purpose of dating,
you have to have a wide variety of pictures.
That person might as well know what you look like, right?
It doesn't make any sense for you to false advertise.
And that's what I wanna say to you,
is that it is an advertisement.
Go ahead and write that down, it's an advertisement.
For those of you, and you guys,
70% of Christians are still meeting online.
I know that we hate to hear that, we don't wanna hear that.
70% of Christian couples that are getting married,
even in our communities, are still meeting online.
Remember, the kind of work that we do here is supernatural
so that you can receive love and let it in
when it shows up.
But the way people are meeting is still very digital.
We live in that digital world.
And of course, we're gonna try to bring that old-fashioned
back to community-based matchmaking.
That's what we're working on right now with our own app.
It's not gonna be like a regular app, y'all.
It's all gonna be about community-based matchmaking.
All right?
But in the meantime, what you put out there,
whether it's your Facebook page, your LinkedIn page,
yeah, people are looking at LinkedIn for matches
and for potential dates as well.
Whether it's a dating app that you're on,
whether it's paid or a free dating app that you're on,
people, you're advertising to people.
It's an advertisement.
Some of you are really good at advertising yourself,
you're really good at promoting yourself,
you're really good at selling yourself,
and some of you aren't.
And this session is for those of you that aren't.
You're not good at finding out what really makes you special,
what is your unique selling position of yourself.
Okay, so this is gonna be really, really good for you.
Okay, all right.
So let's talk about those bios first.
You guys, and I'm talking about also,
do you know that there's an About You page on your Facebook?
So say someone sees you through one of my posts
or through our community in some way,
and they go to your Facebook
and they're not friends with you,
but they look at your About page.
Guys, make that About page public.
And then write a nice little bio there.
Go ahead and use it as a dating app.
Even, okay, Facebook does have a dating app attached to it,
but I'm just talking about your regular Facebook page,
your regular little blurb about you on Instagram.
It doesn't have to be long, in fact, keep it simple.
Keep it simple.
Keep it simple, keep it short.
Don't write a thesis about yourself
on your Facebook About page.
And this is where we go wrong with the dating apps too.
You guys, keep it simple.
Keep it interesting and simple
so that somebody wants to know more about you, right?
I've been looking through some people's thereabouts
on their dating apps, like their little blurb, their bio,
and it has way too much personal information
that right away, that person's gonna make
a pretty quick judgment about whether or not
they wanna talk to you
instead of just keeping it interesting.
Guys, don't be too quirky.
Even if you're super funny,
be a little funny in the bio,
but let them see the funniness
when they actually begin a conversation with you.
Because otherwise, if they're just scrolling past,
it could come across a little weird,
like you're a little weird, right?
So don't be too quirky or too funny
because that can get lost in translation, right?
It's sales.
We want to sell.
We're selling ourselves.
Think of some really fun things.
And you guys, a lot of people don't know
what's really great about them,
and so have a good friend write it instead of you.
Just have someone else write your blurb.
Someone that loves you knows
what makes you really cool and special.
Someone else that you know
knows why other people should get to know you.
And keep that in mind when you're writing that.
Why should anyone wanna get to know me?
What's really great about me, okay?
It's a humble brag.
It's all right.
You're allowed to do it.
All right.
All right, so then let's talk about those pictures
because this is about grace being on your face.
A lot of you, I just...
I love you, but I'm just going to tell you,
you have terrible pictures.
Your pictures are terrible.
And it's a problem.
It's a problem because people,
and I know that you don't want to believe this,
but people are going to judge you by your photo.
So just get over it.
They're going to judge you.
They're going to judge you by your photos.
Gentlemen, this goes for you as well.
In fact, you guys are some of the worst.
This is your picture.
What is this?
What are we doing?
Huh?
What are we doing here?
All the men over 40, this is their picture.
Or they're looking mean,
or they got like this going on.
I got to make it, y'all.
I got to make it.
My little tire is not up here, it's down here.
Okay, but some of y'all got a little tire up here.
And that, you know,
haven't you seen my big fat Greek wedding?
You got to put your chin down.
Put it down.
When I, and you guys, when I am a good friend,
when I'm taking other people's pictures,
single, married, doesn't matter who they are.
When I'm taking their picture,
I will tell them what they're doing wrong.
I'm like, take a picture of me.
Take a picture of us.
Look at how cute we look, you know,
in front of the, you know, fountain or whatever.
And I'm taking the picture and I'm like,
uh-uh, move your leg, put your arm out,
put your chin down.
You're not going to like this picture.
Move your body, stand to the side.
I tell them,
because I know they're not going to like
the outcome of the picture
unless they get some direction.
Get a friend like me.
Do you have a friend like me
that's going to tell you the truth about your picture?
Because if not, you really need one.
And I'd be happy to be that friend.
All right.
In all of our groups after this session,
if you want to post your pictures in the group and say,
hey, to all of your sisters and gentlemen,
all of your brothers, including me,
that's in there with y'all,
and say, hey, what about this picture?
What do you guys think of these pictures?
We will tell you the truth.
We will tell you that that color washes you out.
It doesn't look good on you.
It's doing nothing for you.
You look like the Crypt Keeper in this color.
And by the way,
we are going to have a color specialist come on
as one of our bonus sessions
and help us make sure that we don't look all pallid
in our pictures all the time.
Like this gray right here, that's not my color,
but my daughter bought me this sweatshirt from Bethel,
says forever I will sing of the goodness of God.
So I'm wearing it and it's comfy and I'm at home
and I'm basically in my pajamas, so I don't care.
So choose photos that flatter you and get a second opinion,
get feedback from other people.
Don't just slap stuff up on a dating site
or slap it up on your Facebook.
And you guys, I just gotta be honest with you.
When I match some of y'all,
cause you guys, you know,
I'm always listening to the Lord.
And if he tells me to match someone, you know,
there's matchmakers that charge 20 to $50,000
to make matches, I don't do that.
I just do it.
I just show up and I just with the Holy Spirit
and just introduce people to people, you know?
And hopefully one day that will be you
that God highlights to me,
but it doesn't have to come through me.
Cause remember there's grace on your face
and you're highlighted in the season and it's your time
and you are in a supernatural movement of singles.
All right, so it doesn't matter if it's Jackie or not.
But I scroll through your pictures
trying to find a picture to show somebody
that I want to tell about you.
And I can't find any good ones.
They're all bad.
And you have them on your Facebook.
Take them off.
Some of you guys, you don't know it
because you don't obviously know how Facebook works
and I love you.
And that's why I'm telling you this.
You have pictures.
If I scroll deep enough in your pictures,
I find pictures of you and your husbands.
Gentlemen, I find you pictures with your former wives.
It looks like you're still married.
People can find those pictures.
You gotta delete them.
Take them down.
Even if you're widowed.
You know, I know those are special,
but it makes you look like you're married still.
Okay, let's keep those in family albums in our homes
and in prominent places of remembrance.
Let's not keep them on Facebook
because if someone's interested in you
and they start scrolling in your pictures to look,
they might think you're married still.
And then they just, oh, they're married.
And then they just move on.
So you don't need to have those special pictures.
Even if it's someone who passed away,
you can have those obviously in your life
and whoever marries you needs to understand
that this is a continuation of your love story.
And we're gonna continue to honor
those that have gone on before,
but we don't want them on our Facebook, okay?
Just in our random little photo album there.
Put them somewhere else,
maybe in a private photo album or somewhere else
where people can't get at them.
But then let's talk about just the other photos in general.
Photos that are just not great.
They're not great.
So curate your photo albums on any public site that you're.
on with pictures that what?
Doug, do you guys remember the saying,
a picture says a thousand words,
it tells a thousand,
a picture is worth a thousand words is the saying.
So your picture should tell a story about your life,
shouldn't they?
Should your pictures tell a story about your life?
If you're athletic, your picture should tell that story.
If you're an animal lover,
your pictures should tell that story.
If you're silly, your pictures should tell that story.
If you're fun, if you're adventurous,
if you're well-traveled,
your pictures should tell a story about you.
If you're a foodie,
there should be a lot of pictures of food around you.
If you're a foodie, if you're educated,
if you're musical, the list goes on and on.
So go ahead and put up in the chat right now,
what story should pictures be telling about you?
What should your pictures,
what story should they be telling?
Let's hear it, let's see it, go ahead.
I had a fuzzy just fly up my nose, okay.
You're artistic, yes.
And you guys, we don't want to just see picture of your art.
Remember the grace is on your face.
So Gail, I want a picture of you painting
or you drawing, okay?
I don't want to just see the drawings or the paintings
for those of you that are artists.
I want to see you doing it.
You have to be in the picture
you have to be in the picture
because the grace is on your face.
If you love ministry,
I want to see pictures of you on missions trip.
So I want to see pictures of you
behind the pulpit with a microphone.
If that's what you do, I want to see those pictures.
People should see who you are.
All right, so obviously we're going to have
some older pictures of us doing things that,
maybe you're from a few years back,
but when it comes to dating sites specifically,
let's make sure that our pictures
are as recent as we can get them.
We know that you were hot when you're 20,
but now you're 63 and you're still hot,
but in a different way.
And you got to make sure people know
what you look like now.
They're going to show up, okay.
They're going to show up expecting
a whole different era of you.
And that's not okay.
That's not going to be a happy day there.
And sometimes these filters
make us look like baby fetuses.
Do not put the filters on your face
that make you look like a baby.
All right, that make you look really young
like you're 12 years old still.
And you're like 52, don't do that.
Because if someone does show up and meet up with you,
when you look like you're 12 years old,
then they're probably not the person
you want to date already.
Am I wrong?
I'm wrong, okay.
So good quality photos, not pixelated,
not like all blurry and weird.
You guys, please try not to.
And first of all,
you can get someone to take new pictures of you.
Some of you need to invest in a professional
taking some pictures of you.
You need to invest in some new pictures of yourself.
But if you have a friend,
everyone has a friend who is a photographer of some sort.
Have them just go out, do a fun photo shoot,
get some fun pictures.
But not only that, you guys,
because we don't want just professional looking pictures.
We also want pictures of you doing things,
your hobbies, athletic, animal lovers,
silly, fun, adventurous, all that.
But let's try not to put up too many pictures
that you have to crop other people out of.
Because I'm telling you,
when people are scrolling and they're looking,
they almost always think that you've cropped an X
out of this picture.
If they see a picture where you're clearly
have had your arm around somebody,
and now your arm is cut off and that person is gone,
they're not gonna assume that it's your Aunt Betsy.
They're gonna assume that it's your ex.
And if you have too many of those pictures,
then they assume that you were either
in a deep, deep, deep, deep relationship with someone
and took a lot of pictures, or you have a lot of exes.
So let's try not to crop too many, okay?
All right, because we can always get new photos, can't we?
We can always get new ones, and we need to.
Smile, gentlemen, this is mainly for you.
Smile, it's not a mug shot, sir.
It's not a mug shot.
It's really not that bad.
Life is better than you're making it seem.
And contrary to popular belief,
women are not looking for hard men.
That actually scares us a little bit
when you have a mean picture as your main profile picture.
It's mean, and we're like, oh no.
He looks like my abusive Uncle Tony.
I'm not gonna date him, you know?
My Aunt Gina is still like, you know,
has a restraining order against Tony.
That's what we think.
Don't not smile.
Ladies, let me tell you what men.
I polled men.
And I polled the men that I work with
on what they noticed first about you.
And this is what they said.
They noticed whether your hair looks soft.
It's not about what color your hair is, all right?
It's not about how long it is.
They noticed whether or not it looks like it's touchable.
Like nice, nice hair, nice hair, okay?
And then they noticed your eyes
and they noticed your smile.
I cannot say this enough, so I'm gonna say it again.
And you've probably heard me, I'm like a broken record.
Please find glasses, if you wear glasses like I do,
please find glasses that look good on you.
I can't tell you how many glasses makeover
I have suggested and done
and the people look totally different now.
That's another thing that you can post in our groups.
Try on a bunch of different glasses
and post us a little like, you know,
menagerie of your glasses
and ask us which ones we like best.
Ask us which ones we like.
A lot of you don't know,
but your glasses are making you look harsh.
They're aging you, okay?
They're making you look, ladies, masculine.
Gentlemen, they can be making you look like
a little old man.
I don't know if there's anyone here from my OGs,
but remember, granny glasses,
make sure your glasses are pushed up.
Y'all, don't be going around life like this.
What are you?
Are you a granny?
Are you a librarian?
What are we doing here?
No granny glasses.
I like, you guys, I don't even like the way
I look without glasses anymore.
I feel like a panda without its spots
when I don't have my glasses on.
So glasses can really become part of your whole vibe,
but they gotta be good ones.
So some of you, I wanna know, if you wear glasses,
when was the last time, how many years ago,
that you updated your frame?
Like you went from a different frame to a different frame?
Let's see.
And also, okay, let's do this first, am I a comedian?
Well, maybe.
I've often thought standup sounded fun.
I might try it sometime.
Only wear for reading, this year, this year.
Come on, let's see these.
Last year, one year, one and a half years.
Okay, so be honest and say,
did you go to a completely different style
or did you just get something very, very similar
to what you got, okay?
And then now I wanna see for everyone,
I wanna see when was the last time
you changed your hairstyle?
Do you have the same hairstyle that you had in high school?
Let's see.
What's the hairstyle?
Hair color, hairstyle.
You guys, my birthday's next week
and I notoriously always want to like have a makeover.
So if I show up and I have flaming red hair,
you know what happened.
I just, I couldn't take it.
I had to do something.
Okay.
So you see, some of you guys need a change.
You need a shift.
You need something different.
Something, something different.
And you guys, you don't have to go it alone.
Remember, we're here.
Your community is here for you.
If you're thinking about doing something different
to your hair, show up in the group and post the picture.
Say, hey, I'm thinking about doing this to my hair.
What do you guys honestly think?
And all you, and all you little cheerleaders in the group,
don't be like, oh yes, yes, honey.
Get that pixie cut that's purple.
No, no.
Let's give each other honest feedback, okay?
Honest feedback, important.
Okay.
All right.
So.
Okay, so those are,
those are kind of the things that I wrote down
that really stood out to me about
how we need to be presenting ourselves in pictures.
And you guys remember, people are gonna judge you.
Guys, find something about yourself that you really like,
okay, and highlight your best features.
If you have beautiful eyes, then highlight that.
Like those pictures should show how beautiful your eyes are,
how beautiful your hair is.
Gentlemen, if you've been in the gym, and ladies too,
if you guys, if you have a hot bod,
go ahead and rock it.
Flaunt that bod.
Just, gentlemen, not with your shirt off, okay?
We don't want any thirsty, shirtless pics.
And I don't think there's any guys in here that would do that
but that is a definite swipe right or swipe left,
whichever way you swipe that says no.
That is.
It's right, right? Yeah, swipe right. So yes. So make sure that you don't do that
because we don't want to see that. No one wants to see that. Okay.
Wait for the beach. Well, yeah, but still that's, those are not, even if it's at the beach,
don't put half naked pictures on any kind of your profiles. It's just not, it's not what
you want to do. But so whatever, whatever it is that's your best feature, go ahead and flaunt it.
And some of you don't even know how to dress too. You know, what you do is you get so depressed
about the things about yourself that you don't like, that you don't know how to highlight the
things you do like. All you can focus on, all you can focus on, I have my retainer in,
all you can focus on is the things you don't like about yourself.
Who's guilty of that? All you can focus on is the things that you think that you need
to change or you need to work on, but there's something really amazingly beautiful about you.
Everyone's beautiful. And if you don't know what it is, then you need to ask somebody to tell you
ask people that you know, and trust people that love you, ask them and say, Hey, you know what,
would you mind telling me, you know, like what, what you think is beautiful about me
so that I can highlight that in my pictures? You don't, maybe you have beautiful hands or maybe you
have gorgeous legs, ladies, right? Maybe you should, you know, rock that skirt a little shorter
because you got, got them games. That's all right. Listen, there's nothing wrong with that.
There's nothing wrong with that at all. Okay. Maybe you have beautiful hair, right? Maybe you
just have really symmetrical face and you're just really beautiful. You have a beautiful face. You
have a great collarbone, you know, whatever your beautiful skin, I don't care what it is.
Find a way to lead with your strength, lead with your strength. Okay. Now let's talk about the
actual words that we use to describe ourselves really quick. All right. So there's grace on
our face. So we're going to put our faces out there. So everyone, you guys, here it is,
you're being challenged right now. If you have some sort of avatar, that's not your face on
Facebook or Instagram. And it's because you're like, Oh, I'm hyper-vigilant about my safety.
I don't want people that don't know me. You guys get over that. You are God defended.
You can't be hiding out unless of course you really are hiding out. Like I said,
if you're in some sort of like restraining order situation or some messed up custody situation,
if you have some kind of job or you're not allowed to be on social media for some reason,
then you're the only people that have a pass.
Cool. And you guys, if you think that you do not have good taste in your own photos,
your own photos, then please let us weigh in on those. We want to weigh in on those. Okay.
Let's talk about matching with people or talking to people over any kind of digital platform. So
whether you're emailing with people or you're talking to someone on LinkedIn or Instagram or
Facebook or a dating app, okay. Like matching on a dating app. For those of you that are on
the apps and you're using the apps matches mean nothing. They mean nothing.
Just because someone swiped on you and you swipe on them, that's just the beginning.
And 95% of those go nowhere. They go nowhere. And the reason why is because yes,
it's exhausting and nobody wants it. You guys, if I told you the statistics behind
how, what you have to put into it to even get one, you know, one conversation,
it would be very discouraging. So I'm not going to tell you that, but I am going to tell you this,
is that you have to be able to move the matches to actual dates.
And this includes texting with someone that someone introduced you to. You got introduced.
Someone gave them your number and now they're texting you.
Them getting your numbers, just the beginning, you guys, we've got to move that to an actual
interest in you. And remember, it's all about, it's an advertisement. It's all about sales.
And luckily your, your coach, me, Jackie D I'm good at sales. I am. I have a naturally persuasive
personality. All right, guys, I was so good at being single just so you know, I was, I was really
good at getting the dates. All right. So let me tell you, you want to move those matches to dates
and the way that you do that. And I know that people are like, Oh, just the prettiest people
and gentlemen, you're like the richest men, the most handsome men, the youngest men.
I know that we think that those are the people that get.
You know success you guys that's just simply not true. Have you ever walked around the mall all those people met somewhere?
All those couples of different ages shapes and sizes that you see laughing and talking and holding hands
They all they all had a starting point
They had a starting point somewhere so stop telling yourself stuff that's not true
But a lot of you have no confidence and confidence is definitely sexy
Confidence is definitely attractive. It is. Okay. All right. So remember people are gonna judge you
They're gonna judge you and the people that judge you
Harshly and don't want to meet you because it is it is no end of frustrating for me when I feel
Supernaturally like two people should meet and one or the other of them looks at the picture that I show them and says no
I'm not interested. I'm like
Listen
How do you know you have not even met them yet?
You cannot look at it
Look, if you're willing to look at a 2d version of someone like a flat version a flat a flat version of someone
And say nope, they're not for me then, you know, you're taking a pretty big risk in my book
Because you have no idea what happens when you know
That 2d version blows up into 3d and it look it and it it actually is right in front of you
It's a completely different story, isn't it?
How many of you be honest be honest how many of you either
Saw someone throughout your life that you're like
They worked with you. They went to school or whatever and they were just objectively good-looking
Maybe they were even a celebrity and you were just like wow, they're so good-looking
But then you got an opportunity to get to know that person or talk to that person and it was like watching paint dry
Like it was the most boring experience of your life or they were rude or they were nasty or they smelled like
Tuna fish whatever it was and you were totally turned off
But just the look of them you're like, whoa
But then when you got to like hear their voice or talk to them
You're like, oh there was no attraction for you at all. And then look at all those hands
That's a lot of hands put those hands down
You saw a picture of someone or you you saw, you know solve somebody somewhere and they didn't look that attractive
But upon acquaintance, they became very attractive to you
Let's see those hands and I'd be curious to know if that's happened for men
I know that happens for women a lot women, you know, we like the funny guys
We like the fun guys. We like the kind guys. We like the guys that are confident
We like the people that are kind
We like the funny guys
We like the fun guys. We like the kind guys. We like the guys that are confident, even though
You know, they don't really look that great. They're super confident and we like that
But gentlemen, does a woman ever grow on you? We want to know
So any I know Nitin's here so Nitin you answer that
Do you feel like a woman that you did not find objectively attractive at first?
Do you has a woman ever grown on you to where the way she looks changes in your eyes as you get to know her
Yes, Jackie
Personality, kindness, compassion, understanding
Physicality is just part of is this one part but that doesn't hold up for me too much
If the other things are missing
Oh for sure
So you're saying that you have met a woman in your life that you did not find
You know, particularly attractive at first sight or glance, but you found her attractive as you got to know her
Yes, Jackie
Okay, so guys see ladies it happens for men too
Guys because unfortunately we all have a type we might say we don't
But we do have a type of whatever it is that we think is good looking objectively from afar from a distance
Or the kind of person that we might notice or that might turn our head
But how's that type working out for you is a question that I have to ask
How's that working out?
Because you're here for a reason
So, okay
So we want to get those matches to turn into dates
We have to get those matches to turn into dates, right?
Whether it's someone texting you because you've got a private introduction somehow
Whether it's someone dropping in your DMs on Facebook because they notice that you go to the same church
You guys you know that Facebook suggests you to other people now, right?
It's like, hey, do you know this person?
You should be friends
And what is it doing?
It's based on the friends of friends and all the different things
And so a lot of times just a couple people right now
They friended me on Facebook because they became my client and immediately it started showing them my friends
And some of you were my friends
And it started showing them my friends
And guess what?
One of my friends, he clicked on because he thought she looked attractive
And they started talking and now they're getting married
But that match had to turn into a conversation, okay?
And so if you're on an app, it's not a conversation app,
it is a dating app.
And so we want to move that talking to dating.
And if it's not going to move to dating,
then you can't be bothered with it.
It's a distraction.
You guys, you cannot keep up 50 conversations.
If I can't do it, you can't do it.
And I'm very multi-talented at talking to a lot of people at one time.
And I can't do it.
And so you can't do it either.
And so if it's not going to turn into a date,
after a handful of conversations, just delete them and move on.
Take it out of your space, delete it, and move on.
If they circle back around and want a date, then cool.
But otherwise, you're just moving on.
Gentlemen, you're really guilty of this.
So let me tell you, starting the conversation,
do you know the average male intro on any type of electronics,
whether it's texting, whether it's Facebook Messenger,
whether it's a dating app, is 12, not words long, 12 characters long.
A character is a letter.
The average male introduction, when he starts talking to a girl,
the average male woman is 12 characters long.
It's probably like, hey, what's up?
Let's count those.
Hey, how are you doing?
Hey, how was your day?
Okay, that's it.
The best chance that you guys have of getting someone's attention in this
huge digital world is opening up with something.
Go Google the internet, find a good opening line.
Not something creepy, not something ultra personal,
something that's just like, hey, pizza or burgers?
You got to ask a question.
You got to give something.
It's got to be a response.
In fact, I saw a really good one that I thought was so cute,
and a guy said this to me on a dating app.
I definitely would talk to him.
It was like a reenactment of him,
but it was a reenactment of his dating app experience right before he
clicked on my picture.
It was like, click, no.
Click, uh.
Click, hell no.
Click, hmm, interesting.
And then it said under it,
this literally is a reenactment of my swiping today before I saw your
picture.
That was so cute.
I would totally talk to that guy.
Right?
So,
if you have a really cool,
fun opening statement,
make sure that you can sustain it.
Don't go from something really cool and fun to,
hey.
Hey.
All right, that's, no.
They're going to know that you copy and pasted that.
They're going to know that you're not that creative.
They're going to know that you're not that funny.
So, make sure that we don't do that.
All right.
Let's not do that.
Everyone hates the talking stage.
Can we all agree that everyone hates the small talk,
talking stage.
They get to know you staged.
Holy stinks.
We all hate it.
There isn't anybody who doesn't hate it.
Right.
Everybody hates the talking stage.
We all hate it.
We all hate the texting stage on an app or even on messenger,
or even on the phone.
Very fast.
You guys,
we have to make a decision very quickly about whether or not we're
going to go ahead and give us a chance to see this person face to
face.
To get on the date.
To get on the FaceTime.
To get on the grace is on your face.
To me,
I think it's a little bit of a shame that we're going to have to
wait three days or four days or even a week.
Of just texting stupid crap back and forth on a dating app or on
messenger.
And gentlemen, listen, women hate this.
If you're going to ask her out, ask her out.
And ask her out pretty quick.
Not in the very first conversation.
Cause that's creepy.
But.
Within the first day.
To two days of matching with her.
Let's get it moving.
Okay.
So.
I'm going to give you a little bit of a.
A little bit of a.
Equivalent of.
You know,
have you ever been on Amazon and you're just shopping,
you're looking for something and you're just kind of window shopping.
You don't really know what you want yet.
And you click on something.
And it says.
350 other people have this in their cart.
You're like those little hoarders.
How dare they.
Seriously.
Especially when it says there's only two left.
I don't know how many people have it in their cart.
And that is what you do to us, gentlemen, when you keep us hanging, wondering if you're going to ask us out on the freaking dating app.
You put us in the cart, but you're not buying us.
That's a problem.
And you might be like, Jackie, why are you saying this to guys? Because we're waiting for you.
And yeah, we're going to drop the hanky. And then if we drop the hanky, and then you put us in the cart, but then you still don't ask us out.
That's not good.
Because now we're like only paying attention to you.
Because you've given us some kind of hope that this is going to turn into something besides a conversation.
And so let's not put people in the cart.
Ladies, you can do it too. You're putting people in the cart too.
Let's not. The talking stage, especially the texting stage, does not have to last as long as it's lasting.
Say some funny things. Ask some questions.
There's all kinds of prompts all over the internet.
If you're not a creative person and you can't come up with something, go Google it.
Google it.
Someone just said, what does that person just say? Oh, drop the hanky.
Dropping the hanky just means letting a guy know that you're open to a face-to-face, you're open to a date.
You're open.
Nicole, you hear my voice in your head every time. I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
You guys, there is nothing more annoying than going on Facebook Marketplace, because I'm not on the dating apps, although I do have a few catfish apps where I get people to come and let me work with them as their matchmaker.
Yes, I do, on a few different dating apps, because I have to try them out and see how they are, because otherwise, how am I going to coach you?
But Facebook Marketplace is like dating apps for your stuff.
It's horrible.
It looks like the stuff's available, and you go, and then there's a button that says, it's worse than a dating app, where you can literally send a prewritten message that says, is this available?
Well, is it there?
It's right there.
And so when I post things on Marketplace to sell them, I put in the bio, if it's here still, it's available.
Don't ask me if it's available.
Okay?
It's only $35.
Don't ask me to go measure it.
Don't ask me anything else about it.
I sent you pictures.
This is what it looks like.
Figure it out.
And I'm going to send you a picture.
And the person that comes to my house to pick it up, gets it.
A lot of you need to approach your dating life like this.
Okay?
People are wasting your time.
They have no intention of buying this thing.
They're just trolling around Marketplace, seeing what they like and seeing what's still available.
If you know, you know.
So I tell them, whoever, and they're like, oh, hey, I'm interested in buying it.
I'm like, don't tell me.
Show me.
Here's the address.
If you come, then I'll know you're telling the truth.
Otherwise, the very first person that shows up here with their Venmo in hand will be getting this product.
Am I wrong?
No.
I'm not.
All right.
Okay.
So we have some time for Q&A.
Hopefully this has been very fun and enlightening tonight.
And so we're only 15 minutes here at the end for any Q&A about these topics, about graces on your face, about accentuating your highlighting your best qualities, about finding out what your best qualities are.
If you're really down on yourself and you need someone else to pump you up, you need a cheerleader.
Okay?
Right?
If you're understanding that your socials are an advertisement.
They are an advertisement.
When you are single, your socials are an advertisement.
That means if your socials are super political, if they're super, like, divisive and political and then they have a whole bunch of crazy, like, you know, end-time stuff about God's judgment and different things, well, guess what?
You're only going to attract someone who's into that.
And I guess if you're into that, then maybe that is what you should put out there because you need to attract someone who's into that too.
But maybe we should have a theological conversation about that sometime.
It definitely is.
It's definitely pretty negative.
And if you're angry about your politics all the time and who you're angry at, you guys, on your social media, that definitely can be very divisive and very, like...
just icky. It's very icky. Okay, so what questions do we have?
You're going to have to unmute yourselves too, you guys. I'm on my iPad and I can't see anything.
Hey Jackie, this is Lauren. I'd like to ask a question. Is there a nice and not, I guess,
snarky way when you're messaging with guys early on and they ask you boring questions that show
they haven't read your profile? You know, I don't want to be a jerk and be like, read my profile,
but it just gets so ridiculous. And I don't want to like copy and paste. I mean, it's hard to not
get impatient and be annoyed by that, you know, but I certainly don't want to come off as like
condescending. So I mean, what do you recommend? Do you just pretend like you don't have that
information in your profile and you just talk to them anyways? Well, there's a couple different
camps here. So there's the camp of, some people don't know how to use technology.
They just don't. They're swiping. They're looking at the pretty pictures, but they're not really
paying attention to what else is there because maybe they don't even really realize what else
is there because, you know, some apps, you got to scroll for the bio. It just shows the pictures.
You have to actually scroll for the bio. And some people don't know that it's beyond, it's a,
it's below the fold. Right. And so that could be one camps. We can give a little bit of benefit
of the doubt there. And then secondly, a lot of people are just nervous. They're just nervous
when they're talking to a stranger. And so if we do something to break the ice and kind of get the
ball rolling and then they don't pick it up, they still stay as boring as they are. Then just move
on. If they don't pick it, ladies, gentlemen, you too, if you're talking to someone and you know,
you try to spice things up, you try to say some funny things like, Hey, you know, what do you love
to do on Sundays? You know what, you know, little, little trivia, watch NFL, go brunching,
go to church, you know, and they don't pick it up or they just answer C and then they don't ask you
a question. I mean, what yours, what can you do with this? You can do nothing with this.
And if you are a sapiosexual like me, and I I'm guessing a lot of you are, what does that mean?
That means that you're not going to just be attracted the way someone looks. You're attracted
to personality. You're attracted to intellect. You're attracted to conversational chemistry.
Then you already know that you're not going to have, you know, any kind of conversational
chemistry with this person. This person is literally going to be like burnt toast and
that's not going to be great. Asked to just take that fish off the hook. Cause remember you caught
them with your profile. Just take that little fish off the hook and throw them back. Don't put
them in your cart. Don't put them in your cart. Throw them back in. Let someone else put them in
the cart. What else we got? Hey, Jackie. So I kind of move quickly when it comes to being on the app
and then getting off really quickly. I would say within three to five days. And typically I will
send a message to the guy. If he hasn't asked for my number, ask for a zoom. I'll say, you know,
your, your free trial conversation is over. Your five day free trial conversation is over.
If you want to contact me via zoom or what else, here's how to get in contact with me.
And the people were like, Tiffany, that's just too harsh. You know, you got to keep
talking to him for, you know, at least, you know, a week or, or, you know, seven, eight days. And
I'm like, no, either you want to, I don't do pen pal, so I don't really text. So I'm like,
either you want to talk to me on a zoom or talk to me in person or meet somewhere. You don't,
how many, this is what, before you even answer that question, I want to say this,
you know, one thing about you, if we're, if we're highlighting, you know,
our best features, get on the apps that let you do a little voice thing,
because you got a sexy voice girl. And you need to be showcasing that.
Got a little radio, a little radio voice going on there. So, okay, go ahead and ask your question.
So how many, how many days before you say, Hey, you want to zoom or do you, and like I said,
I'm talking about like three days max. And then I hit them with that.
That's what I'm saying. What I'm saying is just, no, y'all just, you know, just, just a couple,
just a couple conversations. Like if they match with you and the conversation starts from our
matches mean nothing. It's all about conversation. And the conversation starts, you know, by the next
day, y'all need to be FaceTiming or meeting up in person or it's bye. You don't have time to be
waiting around. This person either wants to like, at least making a plan. I'm not saying you're
meeting up the next day, but you're making a plan to meet up. You're dropping the Hank.
You're like, if you like, if you like the banter, if you don't like the banter, just move on.
If you do like the banter, then let's, let's, let's talk.
Come on. And you guys, you can say, ladies, you can say something flirty. You can say something
like, you know what's a girl got to do to get a date, you know, like something like that. And
then if he sends you a dick pic, you just delete them anyway.
And then we're gone. We're just, we're, we're over that. And we just went ahead and ripped
the bandaid off. And now we're, now we're going forward. Don't be shocked by that.
There's so many eggplant pictures on dating apps, not funny. And if you don't know what that means,
then ask your, you know, ask your teenage nieces and nephews. Okay. So, but seriously,
you can be flirty. I flirted with my husband. I would tease him. Ladies teasing is a sure sign
that you like someone. So don't, don't tease things that men are sensitive about. Like
they're receding hairline or their height. Don't do any of that kind of teasing. But like, for
instance, my husband was my next door neighbor and he was driving in front of me one day when
we were just neighbors. And I had his phone number because we were doing carpooling together. And I
texted him and I was like, you drive like a grandma. And then I literally saw him looking
in the rear view mirror. Like, like what, where is she? You know, like you drive like a grandma
and you guys, you can say things like that. As long as you use the appropriate emojis,
just like a little cute, like little smirk emoji, you know, or something. It's about the emojis.
If you're going to say something like that, you got to have a little, a little emoji there,
you know, I was just teasing him. Right.
And listen, pay attention to their profile. If they are local to you and it says that they
love to golf, be like, be like, um, you know, I, I, I'm not sure, you know, I'm not sure if you,
you know, if you're a good golfer or not, you know, why don't we meet up at, why don't we have
the driving range so I can see your swing? You know, maybe, you know, maybe you swing like a girl
and a little smirk face, you know, kind of thing, you know, it's okay for you not only to drop the
hanky, but to drop a specific hanky. There isn't any guy that loves to golf on his profile that
lives local to you that is not going to meet you at top golf or at a driving range to have some fun.
I was born, I, you guys, I came out of the womb flirting. My mom's, my mom used to have to travel
from Ohio to California and Ohio to California. Cause we moved, we lived both places. And she
said, when I was two years old, she said at the truck stops, she said, I used to dance for the
truck drivers so that they would give me change for the jukebox. Now you guys, that could have
completely turned into a different career, but it didn't, which is important. But you know,
I've just been, I was just born flirty. And I feel like, you know, a lot of you have lost
your flirtiness because of a lot of different reasons. You're shut down, you're scared,
you know, you're not sure of yourself. You're not confident. Maybe you're scared because,
you know, you're just, you might be scared of men. You might be scared of women because of
rejection and things that have happened in the past. And so we are going to have a whole session
on flirting. It's, I think it's on the calendar for next month, Valentine's month, a little
whole session on flirting. All right. What other questions do we have?
Um, so how do you get yourself out there period? Like I know it sounds,
if even if you, let's say for example, apps are not your thing, how do you get yourself out there?
I live in the Boston area. There's no single cities. It's very hard to meet people actually
at my church. Um, everybody's either married and if they're in my age group, which is mid to late
thirties, I'm going to be 36 next month. How long does it take you to get to New York city
on the train from there? To be honest, a lot. I'm currently in busy season. I do taxes. So I
work overtime. I was going to say, cause we are having just, you guys know, February 10th,
we are having, um, a singles conference in New York city. Um, that will be out on the calendar
soon. It just, it just popped up. But, um, you know, you guys are a lot of other places to meet
people besides just bars and restaurants and things, you know, all cities have pages and you
can find these on Facebook where there's events in that city. You can go to events on your Facebook
page and those are not church events. Some of them are church events, but those are the events
that are happening in your city. And you know, and you, you need to get some wing woman or wing
men. You need to go to events. You need to go out in public. You know, Christians don't just
live at churches. They live in society and they are everywhere. Right? And so it's important that
you understand that you need to go to events. You need to get out there. Remember there's grace on
your face. You guys, I know that we've really focused a lot on digital right here, but it's
also about getting out of the house. One of my success stories, that's getting married in a few
weeks. She told me when she first started coaching with me, that she would go from home to the gym.
She's kind of like a gym rat. She'd go from home to the gym and from the gym to the grocery and
from grocery to home. She only went those places. And if she wasn't going to meet someone or run
into someone, and she just said to me, she said, literally, if I don't meet someone at one of those
places, then I guess I'm not going to meet them. And I, you know, I pushed back hard with her.
This was back when I just had a handful of students. It was the very beginning in 2020,
when I started doing what I do and professionally. And she she got out there and guess what? She's
getting married. And so you got to get out there. You have to get out there. I've only
had one student that ever married their mailman.
Only one of my students married their mailman.
So if you're, if you're hoping that the guy or the woman's going to get Amazon
prime to you, it could happen because I stand corrected.
She married her mailman, but it's probably not going to happen.
And so look at the events in your city.
All right.
Be an event person.
You guys, there's lots of accounts on Instagram for your city about events.
Like right here, we have what, where, when Austin.
And there is an Instagram account and they post everything
that's going on in the city.
Obviously go to church events, church conferences, singles
conferences, different things, not at your church and other people's churches.
Other things like winter jam, that Christian concert tour.
It's super cheap.
It's like $12 a ticket.
Go to things where you have the best chance of meeting other Christian
singles, but there's such a thing as good, better, best go to places where
you have a good chance of just meeting other people in your age bracket.
No matter what it is.
Like I went to a YouTube concert.
Everyone there was over 40.
Everybody.
Okay.
So, you know, go to places where you have a good chance of meeting
people that are in your thing.
If you're, if you're CPA, I guarantee you that there's lunch and
learns for CPAs and people that are in that kind of, you know, that
kind of work and different things.
You guys incubators toastmasters.
There's all kinds of places where you can meet other people.
The problem is, is that Christians think that they can only meet people at church.
And there isn't anyone at your church.
And then that you get discouraged.
So there isn't any singles groups or single cities near you.
And then you get discouraged, get out there.
There's grace on your face.
God has you highlighted.
He's going to put you in the right place at the right time with the right people,
but you have got to move your feet.
And then after they meet you, you've got to make sure that they don't show up
and look at your social media because they were intrigued by you and see
a bunch of weird stuff there.
Because if you think that people don't go and troll your social media after
they meet you, if they're intrigued, you're wrong because they do.
So what did I do with my social media?
Like my Facebook?
I mean, I deleted my anything about my exes, like, like about four years ago.
I mean, maybe I have too much cat photos or food photos.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Let's not have a lot of cat photos.
Okay.
If you love your cat, great.
One photo maybe, but let's not like let 80% remember the pictures are telling
a story about us and if all the pictures are about our cat, it's telling
them that we're a cat lady.
Right.
And you guys, I love your fur babies the way you love your fur babies, but
you're not a dog or cat mom.
You're a human.
You didn't give birth to dogs or cats.
You're not a dog or cat mom.
Okay.
You're the human.
Mom.
Okay.
You're the owner of a dog or cat and you love them and that's wonderful.
Okay.
But I'm just going to tell you that creeps a lot of guys out.
So love your dog and cat.
But right now I have a success story right now.
And he's like, I'm pretty sure she loves the cat more than me.
Like it's like causing friction in the relationship.
And I'm like, well, the cat's been around a lot longer than you.
So let's see how many lives you have there, Edgar.
So, um, like I'm not afraid to tell people like it is, but then at the same
time, you know, let's understand that we need to make room for humans in our lives.
Yes.
Those fur angels in our lives have kept us and helped us through a lot of hard
times and we're connected and attached to them, but we need to also be able
to attach to humans and you guys, that is what we're going to be talking
about in the second path at the.
Uh, end of this month, the next path session is going to be all community.
We're going to be talking about overcoming relationship anxiety, and
we're going to be talking specifically about attachment styles.
So please come ready to talk about yours.
We're going to go into breakouts during that.
We're going to really get to the nitty gritty of why we have the relationship
patterns and anxieties and different things that we have.
All right.
Well, Simbas is on this channel, so we got to go ahead and give way to them.
I hope you guys learned something tonight.
This is available on replay and you guys people please are no
is available in replay communication skills available in replay.
So even you came here live, you can still go watch those replays as well.
Okay.
All right.
I'll see you guys on supernatural Saturday.
And we do have ask Jackie tomorrow in all groups.
Um, so, um, I will be showing up there too.
Love y'all.