All right, so welcome everyone to our joint path session.
Every once in a while, we are going to have everyone
come into one path together.
If it is a topic that we feel it, you know,
everyone needs to hear about,
and this is one of those topics.
Now I did a little poll.
I didn't just do the poll in our communities,
but I also did it on my social media to a larger audience
asking people, do you have relationship anxiety?
And that can be defined as a lot of different things.
But do you have relationship anxiety
as defined in, you're worried that
you will pick incorrectly.
You're worried about finding the one,
and or every time you meet someone,
you feel either that they aren't the one
or that God is telling you no,
when it comes to further relationship with that person.
You're praying into it.
Yeah, you know, is this the person?
Should I continue to pursue this?
Maybe your heart's in it.
Maybe your heart's not quite in it.
You don't wanna say no,
and you really don't wanna say yes.
You know, you're not hot, you're not cold,
you're lukewarm, you're everywhere.
And a lot of people said yes to these questions,
to a variety of questions along the same lines.
People said, yes, that's me, that's me.
And so what we have to dig into is
where is this relationship anxiety coming from
and why do so many people have it?
And this is gonna be a setup for next month path sessions,
which are going to be on attachment style.
Raise your little avatar hand
if you've heard of attachment style.
There's a lot of different schools of thought
on attachment style.
We're gonna come at attachment style next month.
Remember, this is gonna be the precursor.
This is gonna be the lead up
into our attachment style discussions.
There is gonna be a quiz that we are creating just for you
to take so that you can figure out
where you are right now with attachment style.
Know where you have been in the past in relationships
and where you might be in in the future.
It doesn't really matter.
You just wanna know where are you in the present
with your attachment style?
How do you approach relationship?
What type of potential do you have
to create secure attachment?
And so just for the purpose of our discussion,
which will be the first path of next month,
it will also be an all community path session.
You will be taking that quiz
on attachment style beforehand.
But for the purpose of our discussion,
we're gonna talk about just four attachment styles.
We're gonna talk about secure attachment,
which we all wanna be able to get to,
and even if you're not there,
it doesn't mean that you can't get there.
We're gonna talk about avoidant attachment style.
We're gonna talk about anxious attachment style,
and we're gonna talk about something called disordered
or disorganized attachment style,
which all that is is a combination of anxious or avoidant
depending on the situation and the person
that you're in relationship with.
So we're gonna talk about all of those
and we're gonna unpack those,
and we're gonna find out where they come from.
Could do a little hard work around our attachment styles
because you didn't come out of the box like that.
God created you for community.
He created you for relationship.
Jesus died to bring back what?
The ministry of re.
What does that include?
Relationship.
The curse divided us, but the cross reunites us.
There's that word re again, reunites us.
The curse divided us or disconnected us.
The curse brought dis, disconnection,
disillusion, disappointment, dis-ease, disease,
all the dis words, and then the cross, what does it do?
It brings reconciliation.
It brings reunification.
It brings relationship.
It brings revival, right?
We wanna live in the finished work of the cross, don't we?
We wanna live in re.
Who wants to live in re?
I wanna live in re.
In every area of our lives, we wanna live in re,
and that includes in our relationships.
And did you know that the only reason
that you are here on earth is because of relationship?
That's all God ever wanted was a family.
So if we don't do relationship well, you guys, we fail.
We flunked the test.
We flunked this life.
All this life is about is relationship.
It's not about your bank account.
It's not about how many trips you take
and how many things you get to see.
It's not about what kind of accolades or awards you get.
All that stuff doesn't get to go to heaven with you.
Do you know the only thing that's gonna be in heaven
is people?
People.
The only thing that you're gonna have in heaven
is relationship.
Of course, there's gonna be the mysteries of the universe.
You know, let's not forget that.
But relationship is the only thing you're gonna take
from this life to that life.
All the other stuff that you spend all of your time
and energy on, if it doesn't lead you
to closer relationships, then it is a waste of your time.
It is not an eternal pursuit.
I want you to really think about that for a second.
If it does not better your ability to attach to others,
if it doesn't lead to richer and stronger
and deeper relationship, then it's not an eternal pursuit.
And that includes your relationship with God, yourself,
and also others.
And so everything that we do, all those trips you take,
it doesn't matter if you take a trip
and you see all the wonders of the world.
Who did you take that trip with?
What memories did you make on that trip?
What relationships were strengthened on that trip
because you spent that time together?
Traveling the world, seeing God's great creation.
That's what matters about that trip.
Not that you got all those travel points
or you got to cross a couple countries off the list
or get some stamps on your passport.
None of that stuff's eternal.
But what happened in your heart on that trip
because of being able to see the beauty of creation
with the people that you love
or maybe new people that you met,
that's what matters, right?
That's what matters.
There was a famous prophet.
He's gone on to heaven now.
His name was Bob Jones.
And all he said was is that he passed away, actually.
He had an NDE.
Everyone know what that is?
It's called a near-death experience
where he went to heaven, but then he came back.
His time was not over yet.
And he said that when he went to heaven,
besides the other things that he saw,
the one question that he was asked was, did you love well?
Did you love well?
So that was the question that he was left with
when he came back from that situation.
Did you love well?
And I believe that that is really what we're here to do.
We've been created by love, with love, for love, to love.
I write that in all my books
because that is the grand opus,
the magnum opus of your life is did you love well?
So Father God, we just thank you
that we're able to come together,
that you've placed us in each other's stories,
you've written us in each other's stories for a purpose.
We are here to grow in you.
We're here to grow in the love that you are.
You don't have love, you are love,
and we're here to grow in you tonight.
I pray that anything that's an obstacle,
anything that's in the way of us understanding
what we're here to do,
for us understanding how we get to the next level
of being able to attach to each other,
to let each other in,
to have deeper and richer relationship,
to be able to show this world what it looks like
to be a son and daughter of God,
to operate in full reconciliation and restoration
in relationship and in revival,
we ask that you would reveal it and heal it,
reveal it and heal it in Jesus name, amen.
There's that other reword, right?
All right.
So my name is Jackie
and I am a recovering avoidant attachment.
And the reason why I was an avoidant attachment
is because when I was a little girl,
there were a lot of adults that from day to day,
I didn't know if they were gonna be there
or if they were going to want me to be there.
And because of that instability in my childhood
of people withdrawing and the abuse,
a mental, emotional, physical, spiritual,
relational, sexual, I never knew who to trust.
You guys often hear me say that I came out of my womb,
out of my mother's womb running for my life
and it is a true story.
And so I learned to be very independent.
If I needed it, I would find a way to get it.
I know this is gonna be shocking to all of you,
but when I was young, I was a thief.
The Bible says that when you come to know Jesus,
if you were a thief, steal no more.
And I will tell you,
I'm probably one of the most honest people you'll ever meet.
If I find something on my receipt,
if I find something that's not on my receipt
and didn't pay for it,
I will make sure I go back to the store
and let them know that I didn't pay for it
and try to pay for it.
There's been a couple of times
when I've walked out of a store
and made it all the way out to my car
and realized there was something in my hand
that I didn't put on the conveyor belt
because I just had it in my hand
and I was carrying it around.
Have you ever done that?
Like in a clothing store,
you have something draped over your arm,
you're thinking about it,
and then you check out and they don't notice
and you don't notice and you get outside,
maybe even get all the way home,
you're like, oh, wait, what the heck?
What's going on?
And then I'm the kind of person
who will go back to the store
and bring the thing in the store and say,
oh, hey, by the way, I stole this accidentally.
I took it, I wanna pay for it
and or I really don't want it,
so I'm returning it to you.
So, but when I was young,
because of neglect,
because of the abuse that I was being raised in,
I found ways, I was very resourceful
and I found ways to get the things that I needed.
And a lot of times that was just taking them.
just taking them from whoever had them.
I remember as young as elementary school going in the,
at the back of our room, I went to Catholic school,
and at the back of our room, there was a false wall.
Anybody else?
And it was called the coat room.
And you walk behind the false wall,
and there was just a bunch of hooks, right?
And then there was the real wall.
So it was a fake wall,
and then behind it was this tunnel of coat hooks
and a shelf for your lunchboxes.
And then there was the real wall
or the end of the room there.
So, you know, I would,
when everyone went out of the room
to go to recess or whatever,
I would go to the coat room to get something.
And what I would really do
is I would go through people's lunches
and I would take things because I didn't have a lunch
or I didn't have, you know, there wasn't anything,
you know, we had two snack periods and then a lunch.
And a lot of times whatever was in my bag
was just something that was just leftover
and something that was there.
And I never really had a lot.
And what I would do also is I would forget my lunch
and then, you know, play on the mercies
of the lunch lady land
so that she would give me, you know,
some pizza or some tater tots
or whatever there was for lunch.
What is that?
That's a survival.
That's a survival instinct, right?
And so I think you guys kind of get a picture
of where some avoidant attachment can come from.
If you can't trust people
and you're not really sure who's good and who's not,
and maybe in the past you've trusted people
and they turned out not to be the people
that you should trust,
that could cause you,
even if you really wanna let people in,
to not really be able to get there with that, right?
And then there's anxious attachment
where this can happen also as a result of neglect, okay?
And that is where, you know,
you're constantly begging people to love you.
You're constantly trying to figure out
what you did wrong for people to reject you.
You become a people pleaser.
You're smothering people all the time,
whether it's friendships or romantic relationships.
You know, always wondering
if they haven't called you in an hour,
like, oh, they don't like me anymore.
You know, all kinds of different anxious type of behaviors
because you're afraid of abandonment.
Same thing.
Both of them stem from the same type of fear,
fear of abandonment, right?
And then of course, disorganized attachment would be the,
and we're gonna get into this in our first path session.
We'll like dig deep into it,
but I want you to start thinking about it.
And then disorganized or disordered attachment
would be just a version of both of those.
You just go from one polar to an X.
Sometimes you're anxious.
And then maybe when you finally win that love
or the affection or the attention of that person,
then you become avoidant.
Now you're not really sure if you want them.
You want them, want them, want them.
And then when you get them, you're like,
eh, maybe I don't want you, you know?
And then of course, secure attachment is when,
you know, we don't feel anxious in relationship.
We understand that, you know,
that if this is for us,
then it's going to continue to grow.
You know, we trust God, we trust ourselves,
we trust our own judgment.
We trust other people.
We know that other people will make mistakes
and they won't be perfect,
but we also believe that, you know,
that intrinsically there's enough good in that person
that we can go ahead and trust what they're doing
and what they're saying.
And then there's a lot more to all of that.
But I just want to give you a little tiny overview of that
so you can begin to be thinking about that.
We are going to give you a quiz
so that you can hear more about that.
But what I want to dive into tonight
to be like the prerequisite to that teaching
that we're going to do.
And you guys, we're going to have a lot of,
we're going to talk tonight.
We're going to have some Q and A.
I want you to get really honest with yourself,
with God, with each other.
James 5.16, we're going to confess our faults and be healed,
confess our weaknesses in here tonight.
But we're going to talk about relationship anxiety,
relationship anxiety, right?
We've been created for relationship.
So relationship is a by-product of love and anxiety,
or just a fancy word for fear, right?
It's the antithesis or the opposite of love.
And so when you put those words together,
that's a phrase that should never be uttered,
relationship anxiety.
Because we're talking about love and fear
in the same sentence.
You guys see that?
And so we already know that it's not natural, is it?
It's unnatural to have relationship anxiety, isn't it?
It's not your natural state.
God has not given us the spirit of fear,
but of love and of power and of a sound mind.
A disciplined mind that comes into agreement
with the word of God is what sound mind means.
A mind that adheres to the law of love.
That is what that is talking about.
Y'all here?
You here with me tonight?
Okay.
Okay, we're going to talk, we're going to have a discussion.
I'm going to lay down a few things here
and then we're going to talk about it, okay?
So relationship anxiety finds itself rooted
in a lot of different things,
but we're going to touch on just a few
of those things tonight, okay?
Here's some language of anxiety,
the language of relationship anxiety.
I don't trust myself, I don't trust you.
A lot of times when people get into a relationship
and they start to have anxiety,
they'll say things like, I can't do this.
I'm not sure, I'm not ready.
I don't know if I'm feeling what I'm supposed to feel.
Any of this sound familiar?
Go ahead and put some more in the chat.
All right, look at those, those are all really good.
Really good.
And let's just talk about the elephant
in the room for a second,
especially when it comes to Christian relationship
and especially when it comes
to Christian romantic relationship.
Who's ever heard this phrase?
When you know, you know.
Come on, y'all.
When you know, you know.
And sometimes it sounds like this.
You will just know.
Oh, you'll just know, right?
Well, what if you never know?
You know, what if you never have that feeling
because it's talking about a feeling?
Oh, you'll know, you'll know.
You know, you'll just know, right?
And that's not helpful.
It's not helpful.
Especially if you've had, you know,
some disordered attachment.
You've had some anxious or avoidant attachment.
You've had some bad relationships.
It's especially not helpful if you've been married before
and you thought you knew, but apparently you didn't.
Cause now you're divorced, right?
Now you don't trust anything.
Cause you're like, oh, well,
I was pretty sure that it was God back then,
but then look at it now, right?
And that just becomes what?
That becomes a dumpster fire
of just anxiety.
Cause we don't trust ourselves
cause we thought we knew before
and we certainly are thinking or rethinking that now.
Right?
Okay, you can put your hands down.
So it comes down to this.
It's not about a feeling.
It's about a choice.
And a lot of us have chosen wrong in the past
because we've been choosing things
based on a lot of broken information, right?
Broken hearted information.
But love is not a feeling.
It is an action and it is a choice.
We have to get rid of tonight.
I want you to surrender the idea of the one.
Are you willing to do that?
Surrender the idea of the one for you.
The one for you.
Surrender the idea of the one for you, okay?
And the reason why is because the one doesn't exist.
It really doesn't.
The one does not exist.
So we have to let go of that idea.
You guys, I just want to let you know
that that idea actually came from modern media.
That's where it came from.
It came from rom-coms.
It came from Disney.
It came from, you know, love novels.
That's where that idea came from.
That kismet kind of idea, that destiny kind of idea.
That's where that came from.
Do you know in the olden days
that people didn't even marry for love
until the turn of the century?
They didn't even marry for love.
And I will tell you that a lot of your,
a lot of the arranged marriages, okay?
A lot of the arranged marriages actually weren't that bad.
They weren't.
Okay, people had good relationships with people that they had this idea of partnership with.
And they were coming into the marriage with different expectations of what marriage was about.
I'm going to say something tonight and I don't want this to hurt your feelings and I hope that it doesn't discourage you, but we have romanticized marriage.
We have romanticized it.
Right? And I don't want you guys, you know, you don't need to be in the comments talking about, you know, your situations or anything like that.
Let's just focus on what God is trying to talk to us tonight about relationship anxiety.
And because we've romanticized marriage, it becomes about a feeling.
And then that's when we get all twisted up because we're really not sure if we have that feeling or not, or if the feelings that we have are healthy or not towards that person.
So, you know, back in the olden days, like let's go all the way back to the Bible days, you know, with the marriages, those marriages were arranged, right?
Who were they arranged by? They were arranged by family. And then a lot of times, you know, God, right?
God is the ultimate matchmaker. But if we look at that through a lens of religion, a lot of times we can start believing in predestination and that can cause us relationship anxiety.
And that's when people begin to say, but what if this isn't the person that God has for me? What if this isn't the person that God's choosing? What if this is just the person that I'm choosing?
And so do you see across the board how you can take anything too far and get yourself all wound up in confusion?
So in order to talk about this, I think we have to go back and talk about what is this thing called the will of God. Do you guys want to talk about that for a second?
I think that it's going to be really, really powerful. Okay. Because I want to talk about, you know, what God is, but what he isn't.
Because this is what I want to tell you. If the voice, and this isn't just about romance, this is about anything in your life. If the voice that you are hearing that you're ascribing to God is tormenting you.
Okay. If it's bringing anxiety and confusion, it's not God.
But it is a lie that you believe about God.
That's the truth. It's not God that's bringing you anxiety and confusion and tormenting you with tormenting thoughts, but it is based in a lie that you believe about God.
Okay.
And that lie that you believe about God may be that God's will for you is this mysterious thing that you have to try to figure out.
I read all the scriptures in the Bible today that talked about the will of God. And do you guys know that all of those scriptures are just talking about God's good plans for people to be saved and to have eternal life?
All the scriptures that talk about the will of God are talking about you being healthy and whole and saved and loved. And that's the will of God for your life.
If you ever wonder what's the will of God for my life, that you would live in perfect peace, that you would live in perfect love, that you would have perfect provision in your life.
Isn't that great?
That's the will of God for your life.
And he has a way on you.
He doesn't. In fact, through the process of repentance, that's when we turn from human effort and turn towards supernatural help, that is when we see that God's way is better.
Sometimes we don't have a lot of success in our way.
And sometimes we have a lot of hurt and pain in our way. And that's why the scripture says, take my feet off the path of pain and lead me back to you.
The scripture also says that your ways are higher than my ways.
Thoughts are higher than my thoughts, right?
So God isn't a bully.
And you know what else he isn't?
It's gonna be shocking to some of you.
He's not a narcissist.
God is not a narcissist.
And I feel like, you guys,
I've been around to a lot of denominations.
I've had the privilege and honor to speak
at a lot of different churches over the last 27 years.
And I feel like some denominations
make God sound like a total narcissist.
It's all about him all the time.
It's like, worship me.
And everyone's like constantly like,
and then the scariest thing is people will say,
well, if you don't like this,
then you're not gonna like heaven.
Because that's all we're gonna do there.
It's gonna be one big long worship service, y'all.
And that's all that's gonna happen.
We're just gonna be singing and worshiping God for eternity.
What?
I don't, you guys, I love a good worship service,
but that sounds horrible.
It sounds exhausting.
It's not what heaven looks like.
Why would God just want his creation
that he created to have a relationship with,
he created to have family time with,
why would he just want us to worship him day and night,
night and day, worship him?
Is that a relationship?
Some of y'all have had relationship with humans
that all they want you to do is worship them.
They just wanted you to do whatever made them feel good
and whatever they needed at the moment.
They wanted you to follow them around
and make sure that all their stuff was done, right?
And they wanted you to tell them how amazing they were
and how beautiful or handsome they were.
And your whole life was just about them getting their fix.
And I think a lot of times,
certain denominations and religions and just ideas
try to paint God like that.
You guys, God's not a narcissist.
In fact, you know what God's definition of relationship is?
You can go ahead and write this down.
It can't be good for him if it's not also good for you.
It can't be good for him if it's not good for you.
When I first became a believer in my 20s,
you guys, God led me to work at the daycare and he did.
He led me to work at the daycare and he had a bigger plan.
It actually turned into a ministry for trafficked women
because the daycare was located in the inner city
and while I didn't have a huge passion for children,
and when I say that, what I mean is,
I didn't like them at all.
I didn't have any of my own
and I certainly didn't like yours, okay?
And so that for me was not a nurturing personality for sure.
So it stretched me in that.
But because of the location of this daycare,
I was put in proximity to so many prostitutes.
They were everywhere around this building.
And I ran into them daily.
And one day God allowed me to have an encounter
with one of them.
He told me something to say to her that I did say to her
and she started to seek me out.
And pretty soon all the prostitutes in the area
knew who I was.
And they were, Ms. Jackie, Ms. Jackie,
every time I was walking down the street.
And I began to gain their trust.
And then I began to be able to minister to them
and help them and visit them in prison
and all different types of things.
So God's plan was bigger
than just that tiny little part of it.
A lot of times we focus on a little tiny part of it
and then we get all upset
because it doesn't look the way
that we wanted our lives to look.
We're like, well, this isn't what I signed up for.
Well, you guys, God didn't put the desires in your heart
for no reason.
Just because the first step
in order to actualizing the desires of your heart
or walking them out,
doesn't look the way you expect it to look.
And this includes relationship,
doesn't mean you're not gonna get there.
Okay?
But the reason why I mentioned that story
is because of this reason.
A very well-meaning woman
who came to the church to pray every day
caught me in the middle of pretty much a meltdown one day.
I was sick of those kids.
I had not even met any of the prostitutes yet.
So I didn't know why I was there yet, right?
And it was my lunch break.
And so she's praying in the sanctuary
because it was in a church, the staycare.
And so I joined her in the sanctuary
because it's my lunch break.
And I was just like talking to her
about how horrible and how hard
and how I was just tired of this
and I didn't wanna do it anymore.
And y'all, some of you have gotten advice
to break up with whoever it is that you're talking to
because you're operating in relationship.
Relationship anxiety, but that person that's listening to you doesn't know that that's what it is. So all it sounds like it's hard and
Relationships not supposed to be hard, right?
So you're just talking about how upset you are and how horrible this is and all this stuff
and the reason why is because of your anxiety or your
Misconceptions about the situation and then all they hear is hard. They just hear the word hard and they're gonna give you bad advice
You know that people give us bad advice when we don't give them the full picture of what it is that's going on, right?
And so you guys I had this huge fear that this is what the rest of my life was gonna look like it's working in
The daycare and that's why I was so upset that day and this woman said the exact wrong thing to me
You know what? She said to me. I said, oh, I'm just so unhappy. I don't want to do this
I'm not telling her that you know
About my fear or my anxiety that God is forcing me to do this because this is his will you know?
She said to me she said well
You're just gonna have to get used to this because this could be the thing that God wants you to do with your life
Work with kids, you know, this could be this could be God's calling on your life
and so you're just gonna have to just really, you know surrender to this and
You know and and and get used to it and like it because obviously this is what God wants for you
you guys that's terrible advice and
It's also not true
How many of you have heard some version of
While you're doing something that you don't love and that you just you're really just trying to get through every day
You've heard someone say something like well, you know
You're just gonna have to ask God for grace because you know this this might be what he chose for you
You know
God knows that you don't like kids, but he's called you to be a teacher. Oh
well
That's your cross to bear
What
Well, how does God get any glory out of that
It doesn't make any sense
You guys I was a new believer. And so I believed her and I I wept bitterly that day
In fact that day when I was praying I was like take me home
I'm ready to go to heaven. I want to die. I'm ready. I'm ready. Let's go
Because I was ready y'all and it was sad
Okay, it was really sad
but this is what happens when we think of God's will and so many of you have
Believed a religious lie about God because remember that voice that you're hearing that's tormenting you
It's not God, but it is a lie that you believe about God
So I want you to write that down and take some time later on to really
Where is that tormenting voice coming from? What lie are you believing that fuels the idea?
That God doesn't want things that you want
Because the Word of God says that when we delight ourselves in him our desires come from him
That's actually what it says
Okay, so that's important
All right
So God's definition of relationship is it can't be good for him if it's also not good for you
So you guys we have this beautiful gift that God gave us and it's called free will or the power of choice
We have the power of choice and that includes in your romantic life you have the power of choice
So God's not a bully. He's not a narcissist
He is in control sort of but he's not controlling and when I say sort of it's because he's decided to give you control
Yes, God is sovereign, but he's also not in control and he's also not controlling
I know this is gonna come as a shock to a lot of you, but God actually has boundaries
He has healthy boundaries and he actually has a lot healthier boundaries than any of the humans you've ever met
And you know who has healthy boundaries that are humans the ones that have secure attachment
The people that have secure attachment are not going to push you or press you into doing what they want you to do
They actually want what's best for you and they want you to sometimes they may know what's best for you
But they're still not going to exert their will over yours and guess what God's the same
And that's why we pray
Our father who art in heaven hallowed be thy name thy kingdom come thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven
What are we doing? We are surrendering our will to God's will. Why is that because he knows more than we do
We are surrendering our will to God's will why is that because he knows more than we do
He sees the big picture and we don't and the most wise thing that you'll ever do
Is surrender your will to God's will
But when you do that, he doesn't force you to go do things that you don't want to do
That's not what happens
And that's why a lot of people don't surrender because they believe the religious lie that if I give God the pen
He's going to make
me marry someone I'm not sexually attracted to. If I give God the pen, he's going to have me doing
something that I never wanted to do for the rest of my life to teach me and to humble me or to
whatever the lie is that you're believing. You guys, the greatest glory that your father in
heaven could have is that you would enjoy this gift he's given you called life. That you would
jump out of bed every day and thank him because you love your life that much. That you would run
to whatever vocation it is that you're spending your one and only life on because you love what
you get to do that much. That you would wake up every day and look at the person laying in the
bed besides you and while they're not perfect, you would say, man, I'm so blessed to be partnered
with you. You guys, last night when I was preparing for this, I literally cried real tears
thinking that someday in heaven, my husband and I will not be married anymore. And I started
blubbering and crying that I'm going to miss him so much because I'm not going to be his wife in
heaven. And he's like, Jackie, you guys, marriage, the type of marriage that we get to enjoy on this
earth is a gift. And so go ahead and soak up every minute of it because it isn't going to be the same.
This is a gift for this life. And it is a gift for this life. And God wants you to really,
really enjoy it. It's a gift for this life. You get that? Isn't that great?
It's great. Okay. So God has healthy boundaries. He's not going to force you into anything.
He's not, he does know what's best for you though. And if you do allow him,
he will change your desires. He will change your taste. He will cleanse your palette of
unhealthy things. If you will let him do that, he will, he will do that. Okay. So where are some of
these crazy ideas that we get about God's will? Where do we get that? Where do we get that from?
We get that from religion. We get that from controlling parents. Maybe you had
authoritarian parents that said things like, because we said so. They didn't really care
about what you wanted. All they cared about was exerting their will over yours, right? Breaking
your will. In fact, the Bible says for us not to do that to our children. Did you know that
it actually says for us not to do that to our kids? Okay. Broken authority archetypes.
That's some of where these tormenting thoughts about God and, you know, his narcissistic,
bully, control freak self. That's where some of those thoughts come from. And some of you
are scared to even admit that you think that about God, but you do. And you know what?
You can tell that you think it by the way that you treat these voices that you think are his.
Next time you think that a voice is from God, I want you to disembody that voice. I want you to
bring it over here. I want you to write down what you think it's saying. And I want you to apply
what you think it's saying to someone that you love and see if that sounds abusive or not.
See if it sounds controlling or not. See if it sounds bullying or not.
See if it sounds like it's fear mongering or not. The next time I want you to take it out of you,
put it down on some paper, and then apply it to someone that you love. Can everyone do that?
But then I already hear pushback. Like I wrote down these pushbacks in the spirit. God said,
some of you would be saying, but God does ask us to let go of things that we want.
No, he doesn't. God asks us to let go of the pen. He asks us to trust him. He asks us to surrender.
The Bible says that, you know, if you'll lose your life, you'll gain it. But if you want to
hold on tight to it, then guess what you're going to do? You're going to live a small life. You're
going to live whatever life you can live in your own strength, power, understanding, and wisdom.
But if you let God take the pen, you're going to live a bigger life.
God would never, ever, ever take anything from you unless there was something bigger and better
that was replacing it. You realize that, right? I want you to write down what you think it's saying
God never minimizes you. He only maximizes you.
You know that scripture in the Bible that John the Baptist said, we must decrease so that he,
I must decrease so that he can increase. I want you to know that that was John the Baptist.
That scripture does not apply to you.
John was saying that because he was talking about Jesus, and he was talking about Jesus
taking up where he left off. I must decrease, my ministry must decrease,
which was just preaching in the wilderness about the kingdom.
Jesus came and then demonstrated it.
I must decrease so that he can increase.
You guys, you can't apply every single thing
you read in the Bible to yourself.
You know what Jesus said to the people
that he was discipling after his resurrection?
Greater than these things will you do than me
because I go to my father.
It does not benefit heaven for you to play small.
It doesn't, and I don't mean that in an arrogant way.
I don't even mean that in a hedonistic or human way.
I mean that God wants to enlarge his family on earth.
You're not gonna steal the glory of God
because the children are the glory of the father.
The next time the thought even crosses your mind
that you don't want to steal God's glory,
I need you to remind yourself that you are God's glory.
You are the glory of the father.
You are.
Your future marriage, do you think that it does God
any benefit or the kingdom of God any benefit
or the kingdom of heaven any benefit
for you to be unhappily married
with someone that you're not attracted to?
And I don't just mean sexually.
I mean, conversationally.
I mean, personality wise,
someone that you don't have fun chemistry with,
that other people can watch y'all and say,
you guys are so cute.
I wanna be married like you guys.
Do you think that it benefits the idea of marriage
for a bunch of long-faced Christians
to just be white knuckling it
through horrible partnerships for the sake of the ministry?
Come on.
Doesn't make any sense.
By the way, y'all, when Jesus said,
greater than these things you'll do,
because I go to my father, he was talking about love.
In John 17, one of the last prayers
that Jesus prayed on earth
before he ascended to the father,
he said, father, make them one as you and I are one.
Because the only thing that's gonna show this world
that I truly was your son
is if they have loved one for another.
So the greater than these things,
it's not about greater miracles, signs and wonders,
it's about love.
And that love obviously is best played out
within marriage and family.
And also the family of God,
the brothers and sisters, the family of God,
loving each other, right?
All right, so here's some other ideas
and I wanna have a conversation.
Here's some other ideas that pop up
in anxious relationship anxiety
when you're out there trying to meet someone.
What if there's something better?
And that comes from this smorgasbord of delusions
and illusions of options
that we have with all these dating apps.
And you would never even,
you would never even have,
you guys, it's gonna blow all of our minds,
but even what, 2005?
So less than 20 years ago, y'all,
you would have never known
who was on the other side of the world.
You would have never known who was even in another state.
You know why?
Social media didn't exist.
And I kinda wish it still didn't.
Anybody else?
You didn't know.
You didn't know who was over there
and you certainly didn't know who was over there,
all the way over there.
And now because of that,
we see all these believers on social media
and dating apps and different things.
And so for a lot of people,
you're like, what if there's something better?
You're trying to get to know someone
and yeah, they're not like the thing
that you wrote down in your diary
when you were 15 years old.
But at the same time,
you're not giving yourself a chance
to see what they're really like
because you're like, what if there's something better?
What if there's something better?
Some of you millennials came
from the I Kissed Dating Goodbye era.
That's another place where relationship anxiety
really lives, especially for our millennial Christians
that were raised in the church, purity culture.
A lot of you that, a lot of you have this thing inside of you
that makes you feel like romantic life
is something that you're not supposed to be doing.
Maybe you grew up in like,
oh, you're not supposed to be doing it.
You're not supposed to be doing it.
I mean, ever since we were kids,
you guys, I didn't grow up in the church,
but even like at school, secular public school,
it was like, hey,
Don't hold hands, don't sit by each other.
Hey, you know, assembly boys on one side,
girls on the other, why?
Because they didn't want you distracted by the opposite sex.
So ever since we were kids, because of the curse, you guys,
we've been being separated.
And shame has been being attached
to our sexual desire and drive.
They're trying to shame us to keep us abstinent, right?
And so there's a part of us, even now as grown adults,
when we start getting into a romantic relationship,
there's an uncertainty inside of whether or not
you're even supposed to be doing this, right?
I just have to be honest, you know,
when I first started having sex in marriage,
I'm like, am I allowed to do this?
Am I like, I'm having sex.
It's like, oh, is this okay?
All right, you know?
And why is that?
Because religion and shame have invaded our conscience.
And the Bible talks about what happens
when your conscience offends you.
You guys, Peter and all those folks,
they all, after Jesus, after, you know,
the death and resurrection of Christ, you know,
they all could have, you know,
broken the precepts of Judaism.
Right?
The Messiah came, he paid the price.
They don't have to live like that anymore.
And Paul, I want you to catch this.
Paul was a Pharisee of the Pharisees,
which means he was a Jewish scholar
who knew the law inside and out and upside down.
You guys, to this day, there's like 626 precepts
on top of the 10 commandments that Jews have to follow.
You can eat this, but you can't eat this
at this time of day or with that food.
And if you put them together,
then you have to wash the dishes in separate sinks
or separate dishwashers.
I used to work for a Jewish family
that had two different dishwashers
because they couldn't wash even the plates
or the utensils together that touched certain foods.
You guys, tons of rules.
Like how could you even remember all of it?
You could do this, but you can't do this on this day.
And then this happens and that happens and blah, blah, blah.
They were all freed from that.
And Paul, he's hanging out with the pagans and the Gentiles
and he's eating meat that was sacrificed to idols.
And he's good.
Why?
Because even though he knew the law inside and out,
his conscience didn't offend him.
But Peter, Peter was not only still doing those things
that the Jews did,
he was going around teaching new people
to do those things too,
instead of just Christ and him crucified.
Why?
Because when your conscience offends you,
even get this, please catch this.
You'll think God is offended,
but really you're the only one that's offended.
Did you get it?
Did you catch it?
Because of what you believe, because of religion,
you will believe that God is offended,
but you are the only one that's offended.
Your conscience, your religious consciousness is offended.
God's not offended, but you'll make him offended.
That voice that you think is him,
it'll be super offended at you.
Right?
Come on, y'all.
God wants you to live free.
He does.
He wants you to live free.
It's important that you live free.
All right, so let's have a conversation.
Because friends, when it comes down to picking
the person that you're going to partner with on this earth,
and you're gonna get to enjoy
what's called marriage together on this earth,
it's important that you match seasons.
It's important that you have compatible temperaments.
It's important that you have some opposite things,
some complimentary opposite ideas and mindsets
and ways of doing things and heart postures
and even hobbies and pursuits.
Your energy levels should be compatible.
Your personality should be compatible.
Your personalities should be compatible.
You should enjoy their company.
You should be able to have conflict.
Conflict is good.
Conflict is an opportunity for deeper connection, you guys.
You'll never grow really deep in love
with someone without conflict.
Of course, it has to be healthy.
You have to learn how to fight fair.
These are all things that are important
when it comes to choosing someone.
By the way, we had a meeting about our dating app today,
y'all, with our developer,
and we were talking about what is gonna make it different
than anything that you've ever seen before,
and I can't wait for you to be there.
group of people that get to test this out.
So that's gonna be fun.
All right, so let's have this conversation.
Anyone learn anything tonight?
Do you feel like God's highlighting some things?
If you feel like God highlighted something to you tonight
with the things that were shared, I wanna hear from you,
especially if you've really been struggling in this area.
Let's keep these shares short, brief, and powerful.
Who wants to go?
I will.
You nailed it when you said about God wanting you
to be a teacher, right here, right here.
I have believed the lie my whole life.
That's the only thing God has me doing.
And so when you were talking about that,
I'm like, there it is.
Well, I mean, how would it benefit, Kathy?
How would it benefit God if you went through
your one and only life, your whole life,
doing something that you didn't love?
Yeah, see, that's what I have to come in to,
that's what I have to figure out
because it doesn't benefit anything.
It doesn't, but when you believe the lie
that this is what you are called to do
and it's the only thing you can do, then it's a struggle.
Right, absolutely, absolutely.
And so the key for you, Kathy,
is you're gonna look in your heart
and you're gonna give yourself permission
to admit to yourself, what do you want?
What do you want?
Because whatever it is that you find
as the answer to that question is what God wants for you.
Because he is the one that put that desire there.
So I give you permission to go searching in your heart
for what makes it beat fast.
And whatever that is, I'm gonna cry, go do that.
Go do that, it's not too late, it isn't.
And I believe God will actually give you grace
and accelerate you if you make the decision
that you're not gonna be held hostage
by some toxic will of God idea anymore.
Sounds good to me.
All right, awesome.
And you guys, even if you have a specific type of gift,
maybe you do have a teaching gift.
It doesn't mean you become a teacher.
It doesn't mean you become what we think of
when we think of teacher.
You can use a teaching gift
to do all kinds of crazy things, right?
All the teaching gift is is that
when you explain something, it makes sense to people.
When you explain something, people understand.
And so you can use that in all different ways, right?
You can use that as an art curator if you want it.
You can explain how the greats came up
with their different styles of art.
There's all kinds of things that you can do.
As a curator, yeah.
So there's all kinds of things you can do
with a gift like that.
All right, who's next?
I'll go.
Okay.
I've been, since I was like 12 or maybe younger,
wanted to be foreign service diplomat.
Worked for State Department.
And I had pretty much given up
because of different things that happened in my life.
So I went a different path
and felt like I was stuck in this different path
and I'm too old to go and took the test
and I'd have to start completely over,
take a huge pay cut.
So I gave up on it.
And then just a couple of days ago,
I was sent an email saying
that they're starting a new lateral pilot program
where you can come in from your level.
And I'm just like blown away.
So I am going for it and giving it to God.
We'll see what happens because this is what I've,
I keep saying, I thought this is what you wanted me to do.
Why isn't this working?
And so I'm-
Are you talking about flying planes?
No, no, no.
Oh, sorry.
Being a diplomat, foreign service.
Oh, diplomat, a diplomat.
I thought you said pilot for some reason.
Okay, I love it.
Exciting.
And you know what?
You're living in another country.
So perfect.
Well, that's another problem.
I'm gonna have to come back if that happens.
We'll see.
You guys, you can never go wrong.
Listen, you can never go wrong.
God promises what?
He promises that if in our ways we acknowledge him,
he will direct our paths, right?
And what does it look like to acknowledge God
even in your love life?
What that looks like is that you don't just stop moving.
You move forward and you let God know.
Hey, you know what?
At any point in time here,
if I start going the wrong direction,
I give you permission to direct my steps,
to order my steps,
to show me the way to,
that's not a cop-out and that's not us being like,
well, we're just gonna go do it our way,
and God, if you send me a sign,
then I'll do it your way.
No, that's just saying,
I'm taking imperfect action on the desires of my heart
and I'm trusting you that you are God
and that you can make sure that I'm ending up
where I need to end up, right?
You can cause my affections for this person.
Surrender your affections to God,
in all your ways, acknowledge him.
Surrender your sexual attractions and your affections
and your chemistry and the sparks of relationships,
surrender all that to God.
So that when you go on a date and it's the right time,
God could cause there to literally be a firework show.
Because you gave him all the matches
and you said, go ahead and light it up.
If that's the case, right?
And also acknowledging that you don't have to feel anything
right away, as long as you don't feel repulsed
and disgusted and afraid,
then it's a yes until it's a no, right?
All right, who else?
Come on, shares.
Jackie, can you hear me?
I can.
Okay.
I just wanna tell you, it means a lot to me
that you mentioned a couple of things.
One on shame.
I kind of was raised in a shameful way,
like with being shamed.
And I really fight that feeling of just always
doubting myself and questioning myself.
And then two, how you mentioned about,
these things are offending our conscience,
not necessarily God.
I really appreciate that because it helps
to clear up those things.
Everything's fuzzy when you're raised in,
or when you're brought up to believe certain things
about yourself, things become very fuzzy.
And sometimes, I mean, I went to my counselor recently,
just last week, and I was like,
I don't even know what I'm thinking about,
like how I can't get my thoughts straight.
What's wrong in this situation or whatever.
And it's really so deep-seated.
It's coming out and getting better.
So let's talk about that for a second, Brenda.
So everyone, let's lean into this with Brenda.
One thing that you need to understand is that
God never gets us to change course, direction,
change our minds about something
by giving us some type of the negative feedback.
God doesn't speak to us in language of shame, okay?
Condemnation, this is not the language of heaven.
So God's not gonna shame us.
And the problem is that a lot of you,
and I want you to raise your hands now,
you had authority figures in your life
that when you messed up, they said things like,
you should be ashamed of yourself, right?
They were putting shame on you.
And God said through Christ on the cross, shame off you.
Shame off you, not on you, shame off you.
And so when you feel that familiar pang
of you should be ashamed or guilt,
the toxic kind of guilt,
which really there's only one kind of guilt
and it is pretty toxic,
is God doesn't make us feel guilty.
He doesn't try to make us feel ashamed of ourselves.
He doesn't.
Guys, that's very manipulative and it's very controlling
and it's not what God does.
And so when you feel that,
immediately do some hard work around that.
Hey, when's the first time I ever felt this way?
Whose voice am I hearing right now?
Because it's not God's.
And it might be mom's or dad's or someone else's.
An old pastor,
you grew up in some legalistic denomination.
My mom said that her pastor
used to regularly come in the youth room and say,
somebody in here is dating someone outside the church.
You better stop it right now.
Or God's gonna take your life.
That's pretty extreme.
So when you hear that,
I want you to forgive that person.
When you realize whose voice that really is,
because it's not God's,
I want you to release that person
because a lot of times people are just putting on us
what was put on them.
Release them and then ask Jesus.
to give you something in exchange for that.
Thank you.
All right, keep us posted on that, Brenda,
because I believe that you're gonna start
living a shame-free life,
and that's not gonna be good for the enemy,
because when you don't have shame
as a threat of punishment,
when you don't have the threat of punishment
because you're bad and you should be ashamed,
you're gonna be unstoppable.
Yeah, my first thought is to always feel like
I'm being selfish, you know?
That's just, it's been ingrained.
That comes from somewhere.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, that comes from somewhere.
Someone gave you that idea that you're being selfish.
Yeah, thank you.
Yeah, so unpack it.
It goes deeper than that,
and I believe that God wants you to live fully free
from that forever, from this point on.
Thank you, Jackie.
Yeah, you're welcome.
Father, just pray for Brenda right now, Lord,
that deep-seated condemnation,
that self-rejection that came as a result of voices
that told her that she was selfish
or she wanted things at the expense of others
or tried to make her feel guilty or ashamed of herself
or anything that she may have wanted to do
that other people didn't want her to do.
Father, we just break those things off right now
in Jesus' name, and we declare that she is free
from those lying voices and that she will recognize them
readily and speedily when they come,
and she will know that they are not from you
and that she will be able to come into agreement
with heaven, that she is loved, that she is accepted,
that the desires of her heart are not selfish,
but they're actually there so that she can serve others
because the things that you've placed in her heart,
the desires for what she wants to do,
they're actually there from you.
And so, Lord, we thank you for it in Jesus' name, amen.
Amen.
You guys, there's nothing selfish about self-care,
and there's also nothing selfish about desires
that we have and things we wanna do.
Oftentimes, those are coming from heaven,
and if you will follow after them,
you'll end up being able to help a lot of people
with the desires of your own heart
because you'll go and do those things,
and it'll end up being your unique serving position, right?
Your USP, you'll be able to, with whatever that is,
you'll be able to start helping people
at a whole different level, and that will be amazing.
All right, who else?
I got something for you.
Okay, okay.
I really appreciated how you pointed out
that relationship anxiety was a oxymoron,
and they really shouldn't be together.
It was very eye-opening for me,
and I really enjoyed hearing that,
and lots of things started to make sense for me.
I do have a supplemental question for you.
When is anxiety, like normal human, for an example,
like I dated a girl where I met her friend's family
in the same day, and I was feeling so anxious.
I'd try to pray it away, do all this stuff,
read the Bible just to get rid of my anxiety,
and I talked to a friend who told me that this was normal,
and when she told me this was normal,
all the anxiety went away and I had peace.
So would you be able to explain the difference?
Well, first of all, I think that we need
to reframe language, right?
Because fear is never from God,
and it's not part of our original design.
So we've never been created to live
in any kind of anxiety, okay?
But there can be anticipation.
Guys, sometimes before I go out on a stage to speak,
I have the butterflies and my hands feel clammy.
I'm not anxious, but I am anticipating, right?
There's a feeling of anticipation there.
It's not fear, it's more excitement, right?
Yes, there is an element of insecurity
that can come along with it,
and so probably what you were feeling that day, Justin,
was some insecurity, will they like me, won't they like me?
Also, like, oh, wow, I'm being upgraded.
I'm meeting this person's significant people.
What does that mean?
I get to meet their friends and their family.
Is this, am I getting catapulted
to another level of relationship here?
There's all kinds of things that go along with that.
And so, yeah, it's normal to feel a level of,
I'm not sure if I'm ready for this,
and I don't know whether or not
I'm going to be able to be successful,
but then that's when you learn,
that's when you lean into God's grace in those moments,
when you feel that type of anxiety,
you lean into the grace of God and you say,
hey, you know what?
This situation is more than I can handle,
but I know that your strength is made perfect in me.
my weakness. So I'm inviting you into this with me. And I know that you and I together,
we can accomplish anything, right? And so it's about a reframing, you guys, we never
want to claim anxiety, or fear, because that's not our divine state. That is not our divine
design. But we are going to have moments where we feel like we don't measure up to it, we
have some insecurity in our flesh and in ourselves. And that's when we need to lean
into God's strength. All right, thank you. Yeah, you're welcome. You guys, that comes
back to relationship. We don't know how to do it. And that's okay. You know, even the
best of us, even the people that have taken the most classes, you've been to the most
therapy, you're still going to run into things in relationship that are above your pay grade.
And that's why we need God. We need God to tell us in those moments, you know, what does
this person need? How can I love them? Well, how can I help them feel loved? How can I
help form a secure attachment in this moment with with this person? And God will be happy
to give you ideas about that. He'll be happy to give you the language of those upgrades.
Right? Jenny, do you have your hand up?
Am I Can you hear me? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So I just wrote something in the chat. And then
people were saying I should ask it. So I just wrote, sometimes anxiety for me can be like
a gut feeling that something isn't right. And then I process and pray about it. And
I realized what it is. So like, I have anxiety before I can put words to it. And for me,
it's like, I feel like it has to do with my childhood and the dysfunction I grew up with
not being able to, like, know what I am, like hiding what I'm feeling. And so there's like
a lag time for me, like, like I said, I'll get this anxiety feeling and then I'm like,
that person's boundaries were, they didn't have any boundaries. And they're pushing me
toward something I wasn't comfortable with. And that's why I'm feeling anxiety. So like, I guess,
I'm just thinking like, sometimes it can be maybe like a good thing of like,
like, I think I know what you're saying. And sometimes we can discern and I think that it's
what I think it's less anxiety. And I think that it's more, you know, it's more overwhelmed. It's
more, you know, there's, there's other words that we can use to describe that. Because
you guys remember the word of God says be fearful and anxious for nothing,
meaning zero things. But you know, sometimes Holy Spirit will will feel something's off.
You know, it will not we won't feel Shalom, something's disrupt something is
where did she go? She disappeared from my screen.
Ah, she's gone. Okay, she's here. Oh, there you are, Jenny. Okay. Sometimes there's a disruption
in the forest, Jenny. There's a disruption, right? And we feel that we're just like, Whoa,
what is this? Right? And yeah, I don't think that we should ignore that we shouldn't ignore that.
Now, if you're the kind of person who's always having a level 10 response to a level two
situation, then you need to make sure you're owning that not you, Jenny. But you know, if
people are doing that, make sure you're owning that people can escalate something that doesn't
need to be escalated. And a lot of times that has to do with, you know, unhealed heart trauma,
right? But what Jenny's talking about is that there are times when something just doesn't
sit right with her. She's feeling she's feeling something's off. Right? And and that is a good
indication that something's off. And that's when we invite Holy Spirit into that moment and say,
you know, how can I, how can I navigate this situation with honor? You know, because you guys
just because other people are not on the same level of deliverance or enlightenment or understanding
as you are doesn't mean God doesn't love them. Right? There are even unsafe people that we don't
want to dishonor them, but we do want to have good boundaries with them. We don't want to dishonor
them, but we do want, do want to have good boundaries with them. And that's a whole nother
class. Um, we can be around broken people without their brokenness breaking us. We really can. I
promise that. So Jenny, yes, I would describe that as anxiety because once again, God doesn't want us
to be anxious for anything. Um, but I would describe it as, you know, we're having a feeling
that is not Shalom, something's off and you know, and we're, we're not ignoring it just because we
want to have the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. Right. It's, we don't want to ignore it.
We definitely want to invite.
Holy Spirit into that moment to show us what we need to do.
Has anyone else ever been, Jenny, you included,
have you ever been in a situation
where you were clearly feeling very anxious,
but you knew that it wasn't coming from you?
Like there was nothing for you to be anxious about,
you've experienced anxiety, we all have.
This is something that, you know,
our world is full of fear and anxiety.
And every time you turn on the news
or you look at social media,
there's something there that's trying to get you
to be afraid of something.
But you just know that right now,
that feeling is not coming from you
or it's not stemming from you.
And that's because it's just in the atmosphere, right?
And because we are the children of God,
we are very aware of the unseen realm around us,
even when we don't know we're being aware of it.
So we're being, we're connected to that empathically.
And so let's make sure that we are not owning things
that don't belong to us.
Oh, you know, I feel so anxious today.
I feel, you know, I feel so exhausted in this situation.
Even you guys, when you go on these dates with people,
just because that person has some anxiety
doesn't make them a terrible person.
Make sure that you're not picking up their anxiety
and you start owning it as your own.
It starts making you feel anxious about the situation,
right?
Maybe they're super anxious
because they're not in our community
and they're not doing hard work.
It doesn't make them a bad person.
They might actually still even be a possible match for you,
but make sure that you're not picking up
and becoming a conduit of their stuff.
You're like, how can I do that?
You can be very self-aware.
Okay, you can be very prayerful
as you go into these connections and these appointments,
these divine appointments with people.
Guys, just recently, I'll give you an example.
I wanted to have my makeup done professionally
for my birthday.
I know enough about makeup to be dangerous
and I can do my makeup pretty good,
but I always have this, like it's my birthday,
it's my last year in my 40s.
I wanted to just do it up right,
which I ended up getting the flu the next day.
So I ended up not getting to really do a lot anyway.
So I hired this makeup artist off this app
and he had great reviews and not to stereotype,
but he was also a gay guy.
So I was like, he's gonna be really good at my makeup.
And it's gonna be like fleek, you know?
And it's just, so I get there too
where he's doing my makeup at and stuff.
And you all, when I say it's the worst makeup
that I have ever had in my entire life,
like, and I don't mean like overdone,
like drag queen makeup.
I mean, just like, it didn't even seem
like he knew what he was doing at all, right?
And I left there and I didn't feel like,
oh, I paid that money and it looks so terrible.
I realized that I was there for him and not for me.
And I really want you guys to understand
that sometimes even if you think that it's about you,
it's about you like meeting someone
or possibly meeting your spirit mate
or going on a date or being here or being there,
maybe it has nothing to do with your romance life,
but it's just something else.
You may not be there for you, it's not always about us.
Before, you know, I had my makeup done at his place
and before I walked into his place,
I always bless the place I'm about to step into.
The Bible says, you know, bring your peace where you go,
right, leave a blessing.
And so before I stepped in, I already knew, you know,
that he was living, you know, a different type of lifestyle.
And before I even stepped in, I brought my peace,
I released my peace, I brought my blessing.
And this young man, he couldn't even think straight
when he was doing my makeup.
He was dropping everything.
He kept saying, I don't know what's wrong with me today.
It's like, I'm dropping everything.
I'm thinking, I know what's wrong with you, babe.
You know, oh, but eat them.
Come on, the Ark of the Covenant
has come to your makeup chair today
because I'm full of the Holy Spirit.
And even though you're not doing my makeup that well, son,
I don't know, something else happened in here, right?
And let's just remember that.
Can we remember that?
Because otherwise we can get really in our feelings
and we can leave and be like, oh, that was a waste of time.
And that was a bus.
And that was, no, y'all,
let's leave people better than we found them.
Let's realize it's not all about us
and about whatever our agenda is.
Our agenda should be the heaven's agenda.
And heaven's agenda is to love people well.
And I will be the first person to admit
that I don't always do that.
I'm just all up in my own agenda.
And I forget that I'm on earth to show this world
what it looks like to be a daughter of God.
I forget that that's the assignment, right?
Okay, who's next?
Come on, I want to hear more
about a relationship anxiety, y'all.
This is the class.
What do you got?
So two, well, three things hit me.
First of all, that God's not a bully and that he doesn't minimize
me or how I feel or how I am.
Um, Sherry, yes.
Have you been around a lot of people that have minimized you?
I mean, like you shouldn't feel that way or, you know, just, just forget about it.
Let it go.
Like just people that just, have you been, have, were you raised in
an environment where you're minimized?
Have you felt minimized in your life?
Yeah, I think a lot of how I was raised, but, um, when I was married,
there was a lot of minimization.
Okay.
Right.
Keep going.
Um, let's see, what was the other one?
Um, about the voice, if the voice is tormenting or bringing anxiety.
And I've had fear around, um, what if God sent me back to my
husband or back to a former relationship?
And I know that's, that is not God.
Okay.
But before you go forward, I want everyone to raise your hand.
Who's ever had the fear that God's going to send you back to a former relationship.
If you surrender to him, he's going to have you forgive.
In fact, during the forgiveness portion of heartwork, you were scared that if
you forgave your husband or your former wife or old relationship, that you would
end up back in it because that's what that forgiveness was getting you set up
for all my Lord, look at all those hands, Sherry, you're not alone, honey.
Half this class has had that fear.
Look at that.
All right.
Keep going.
Um, I think those were the three big ones.
And then just even what you, what you just finished saying that maybe even
sometimes going on some of these discovery dates, it's not all about us.
And, um, I just found out that, that I've been set up on a date and I'm
kind of wondering, maybe that's what this is all about, but it's like, I'm,
I'm going to do what Jackie says, and I'm going to go on this discovery
date and I'm going to have fun.
Let's keep an open heart and an open mind because sometimes God gives us the
best things we never knew we even wanted.
Right.
You keep saying that.
So I, all right, Sherry, you're so beautiful.
Isn't she beautiful?
What a beautiful smile.
I love this haircut you got going on here and super cute.
Okay.
Thanks for sharing Nora, miss Nora.
What do you got?
Um, so I struggle with, um, like a fear, like a people pleasing anxiety
where I'm like so tuned in and sensitive to what I can set, like tell, like
another person wants that it gives me a lot of anxiety to think about, like
setting a boundary or actually like stating a need.
And then, um, I, then a lot of times I get so tuned into like pleasing them
and doing what I can tell they want.
I don't even tune into what I want until like way later than I'm like, Oh wait,
like I haven't been authentic this whole time.
And then I get anxious that way too.
So, um, but Nora, what I'm sensing when you're talking is that you
actually do this with the Lord too.
You're so tuned into what he wants that you never really actually understand
that he's asking you what you want.
Whoa.
That's interesting.
I'm feeling that so strong for you that you're so like tuned into like his, you
know, doing what pleases him that you don't realize that he actually wants to
please you, he wants you to be happy.
And I feel like there's a moment of freedom for you right now where you can
begin living for the Lord in a whole different way.
Understanding that, you know, his, his pleasure, um, is a lot based on,
you know, your pleasure.
Like think about like when you give your child a gift, like, you know, you get so
much pleasure in watching them enjoy, um, and have pleasure in the thing that, you
know, you so intentionally gave to them.
And I feel like that's a moment for you and father.
Wow.
That's good.
Thank you.
Yeah.
I think there is something on that.
Cause I tend to think like, you know, kind of like what you were saying
earlier, I actually thought that God wanted me to work with kids too, or like
God wants me to be miserable.
And I don't know where that came from.
Religion.
Religion tells us that it's miserable.
You guys look at the law.
The law was miserable.
These people, they had to spend all day long, crossing their T's and
dotting their eyes, just to hope to make it without having to, you know, kill
another animal and to cover the blood of, you know, their, their sin and push it
back, you know, far away from them for another year.
I mean, it was awful.
Religion is gross.
Wow.
Everyone say it with me.
Religion is gross.
Yes.
It's ill.
It's L L.
All right.
Totally.
And it served its purpose for the time that it was here because Jesus has come.
John 10, 10, there's realized the thief in John 10.
and is religion, right?
It's not the devil.
Read the whole chapter of John 10.
It is the bad shepherds.
It's those that are using the law
to manipulate people and control them.
And he said, but I'm the good shepherd.
And I have come that you might have life
and that you might have it to overflow.
You might have, you might be free from what?
The law.
All you that are weary and heavy laden,
come to me and I will give you rest.
What do you think he was talking about?
The law.
Those of you that are yoked
with the law of these rabbis
that keep you running day and night
and it's never good enough.
Come to me.
My yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Y'all don't just read the Bible.
Read the Bible.
That is what it's about.
Come on.
That is what it's about.
All right, Robin Moody.
What do you got?
Hi.
So when you asked this question about relationship anxiety,
I initially said, I don't know.
But I realized that there is an area.
Sorry, I have a little bit of a sore throat.
So with the course, I'm doing some level two dating.
I did have one brief level three dating
and I realized I went into level three a little early.
My question though is more anticipatory.
So if I end up being in a level three relationship,
an area that I know where I've struggled a lot
being a Christian is I've had some very bad situations
in charismatic circles with dates, mates, babies
and setups and trying to figure out like the one.
And so I love y'all, but my focus,
I'm not listening to what the Lord,
I think the Lord has said this
because I don't think I hear clearly on that
and I'm into the prophetic, but I just know.
So I'm pretty sure that when I get to that point
that that will be like a high driver.
Like it was a very bad situation
that happened a number of years ago.
So I do have a lady at my church
that does inner healing and counseling
and she knows about this program.
And she's like, good for you for getting out there
unlike some other voices.
So I am gonna talk to her,
but I just wondered if you have any insight
because you coach a lot of people,
if anyone else has been through a bad,
people trying to set you up and give you words
and he has words and then at all.
Of course, yeah, tons of people.
There's even people that have married people
that their pastors told them were the one for them.
Someone else told them.
There are people that haven't married people
because some religious voice in their life told them
that they weren't the one for them.
And then they've had regret ever since
because they really miss that person and love that person.
I've heard it all and seen it all.
And that is why we're here to heal our heart.
We're here to heal our receptors, right?
The reason why most churches that are prophetic
have the rule that you don't prophesy dates, mates,
or babies is because a lot of hurt can come
from those words, especially if you're in the soul realm.
And a lot of people have had those bad experiences
which that's why it's become a rule.
Like enough people have been hurt by that kind of stuff
that it's become a rule.
So you guys, I just wanna let you know
that God is with you and he is for you
and he's created you for relationship and for partnership.
And as you move forward in healing your heart,
all these things in the past that have happened
that have caused you to now be offended in different areas
and maybe have a bit of a hardness of hearing
or heart in that area because of that,
God will soften your heart.
He will soften your heart in those areas.
And as you continue with him
and you will know the truth in those areas about yourself.
But the thing that he wants you to know
most importantly tonight is you have a choice.
You have a choice.
You don't have to do anything
that you don't have peace about.
You have a choice.
God's not bullying you.
He's not rushing you.
He's not forcing you.
He's not coercing you.
He's not manipulating you.
He's not doing any of those things.
And so if anyone else is doing that,
then they're not operating in his spirit.
For instance, I had a coaching client last night.
And so I'm gonna tell this very generically
to just protect privacy.
But there's two guys in this woman's life.
One of those guys is very respectful,
very kind, very caring.
She's attracted to both of them,
but attracted to them in different ways, right?
And the kind and caring man,
he definitely wants to be exclusive.
And she said, she's really not ready for that yet.
He understood and he didn't treat her any differently
and still doesn't, even though that's,
obviously he wanted to make things exclusive
and get more serious.
And she wasn't ready for that.
The other guy, she's known longer
and she's had to cut him off several times
because he's gotten to a place
where it's become very intense.
and she wasn't sure in her heart
and she didn't know what decision to make.
So she's like, hey, I need you to slow down and back off.
I need you to stop contacting me for a while.
Let me think.
But he wouldn't.
He'd be gone for a while, then he'd show back up
and then he'd be like, but I miss you and stuff.
And it would always be under romantic terms
that he would show back up.
And you guys, I know it's very subtle,
but I wanna point out to you something.
One man is respecting her boundaries and the other's not.
And even the more intense, emotional man
that is, more romantic and exciting,
he's not respecting her boundaries, okay?
He wants what he wants.
He has an agenda.
He wants her to be his.
And while I know that that sounds very romantic
because of the movies and the TV
and the things that we've watched,
you guys, it's actually not just dishonoring,
it could actually be a harbinger
of unsafe behavior later in relationship.
If you're telling someone that you're confused
and that you need time to think
and you're asking them to please allow you some space
and they don't give you that,
they're not gonna give you that marriage either.
In fact, they're probably gonna be the person
that follows you around from room to room
when there's a disagreement,
forcing their opinion and themselves upon you,
coursing, manipulating, trying to get you to come around
to their way of thinking,
or even to forcing you to try to even do something
as benign as make up with them when there's an argument,
even though you're not ready for that conversation yet
and you need time to cool down
and you need time to think
and you're in a place of confusion.
Y'all, none of that is healthy behavior.
None of that's healthy behavior, okay?
And that is a actual red flag.
So I say that to say to Robin and to anybody else
that we need time to think,
we need time to process through things
and sometimes things that are unhealthy
don't necessarily look unhealthy on the outside.
It looks like what we used to think of as romantic
and oh, they just can't live without me
and they just miss me so much.
No, they're not respecting or honoring your wishes.
That's really what's happening there, okay?
Because remember, we've over romanticized in a toxic way,
romance or relationships that are not platonic.
So we gotta be careful with that stuff.
So Robin, I believe that God is going to put you in a place
where you feel secure with your choices
and you don't feel like you're being pressured
by the prophetic.
So we just break that off of you.
Anyone who's ever felt pressured by the prophetic,
God's spirit, Holy Spirit does not pressure us.
It's the spirit of love, okay?
So if you have ever felt pressured, hurried, overwhelmed,
then that is not coming from heaven, right?
And I will tell you guys,
if you're ever in a situation where someone says,
well, God told me that you're my spouse
and you're not there yet with that person
and it's something that they're telling you,
especially like really soon into the relationship,
that's definitely a sign that that person
is spiritually immature at best and manipulative at worst.
So we need to be careful in those situations, okay?
All right, Beena.
Yeah, so one of the things that I jotted down
that you said was the voice that you're hearing
tormenting is a religious lie
and where is that lie coming from?
And I had jotted that down,
but as you were talking like a couple of,
like a paragraph before,
like I felt like the Lord was kind of talking to me
along that lines already and I had written down,
Lord, what's the lie that I'm believing about you
that I feel like I'm disappointing myself.
I had quit my job in the fall
and started my own private practice.
So I have a lot more free time on my hands
and it's looked a lot different than like other time periods.
I'm not like trying to fill it with a bunch of stuff.
And I feel in some ways,
I feel like I'm disappointing the Lord
because of how I'm using my time.
I'm not necessarily spending more time.
Like this is what I feel like I'm telling myself
that the Lord is disappointed because.
as I'm not using it to like have in-depth Bible studies
or have this praise and worship time.
And I just have a very relaxed pace
and I'm not rushing to like fill it with other stuff
if that makes sense.
Yeah, no, it does make sense.
And I hope that you give yourself permission
to enjoy this rest.
That was what I was feeling the Lord was saying,
just permission.
You guys, just so you know,
you are a spirit that lives in a body
that possesses a soul.
And that means that everything that you do is spiritual
because you are a spirit, you're not a body, okay?
And so when you walk in nature, you're being spiritual.
You know, when you go to the grocery store,
you're being spiritual.
When you lay on your couch and you just sit there
and daydream, you're being spiritual, you're a spirit.
And so a lot of times, especially us church kids
and people and people that grew up in the church
or, and that wasn't me,
but people that have been to a lot of church,
you think that unless you're doing something
that's overtly churchy, like teach a Bible study
or have worship or what Bina's talking about,
that you're not being spiritual.
And, you know, some people feel the presence of God
more powerfully ever when they're just taking a walk
on a hiking trail, you know?
And so I wanna encourage you, Bina,
to enjoy this transition time
is what I really feel the Lord saying
and enjoy the new ways in which God is encountering you
and loving on you and, you know, get some good rest
cause I feel like you're gonna be really busy soon.
Busy in a good way.
Hopefully that's helpful.
Bina disappeared again.
I have no idea where everyone's going.
Elizabeth Fishman.
Thank you, Jackie.
You mentioned earlier to someone else,
like something about like God,
like engaging us and like, like asking us the question,
like, what do you want?
And this is like the first time in dating,
there's just been so much healing
that like I'm actually hearing him,
like continually asking me, like, you know,
as I'm going on these discovery dates
and doing like level one dating,
like getting to know each other,
like him asking me the question, like,
well, do you wanna talk to them again?
Do you like them?
Do you, you know, what do you like about them?
And it's just been really like,
like just altering my whole mindset,
whereas like I used to, I would go on a date
and just future trip and like, no, like cancel it
before, you know, it could even be something.
So I'm really following this.
It's a yes until it's a no.
Yeah.
And a lot of fun with it actually.
And just a lot more peace in just interacting
with other guys and just really engaging with the Lord,
like what it is that I, what's important to me.
Yeah.
I love that.
Yeah.
I love that.
Your Honor, you're in a discovery season
of getting to find out like that movie,
The Runaway Bride, like, what do you like?
Now, especially for those of you
that you got into relationships young,
they were relationships that you would choose now
that you know better, but they were forced upon you,
you know, in a lot of ways
because you just didn't know any better.
Then it's important that you take time to learn,
like not just who you've become now that you're older,
but like, what do you like in this season of your life?
What don't you like?
You guys, that's gonna be really important
as you meet people that you're giving yourself.
And that's true boundaries to me.
Who am I?
Who am I not?
What do I like?
What do I don't like?
What do I want?
What don't I want?
You know, those are important things
that you have to ask yourself in order to choose right.
I saw some people posting in the chat
about being in a situation that, you know,
you're allowed some downtime,
you're allowed some fun time away
from like spiritual things, that's great.
But I want us to all get into the mindset
that everything is spiritual.
Everything is spiritual.
It's important because otherwise
you're just gonna think of, you know,
you're only gonna think of God
as him living in a church somewhere in a building
or when you go on some kind of spiritual
like missions trip or outreach, you know,
talking to homeless people or something.
God is always with you because you're in him.
It's within him that you live and you move
and you have your being.
That's where you are right now.
We can't separate ourselves from God.
Everything about us is our God life.
In fact, the Bible calls it,
you're getting up, laying down,
eating, drinking, everyday life.
And it's important that you understand
that it's full of God all the time.
Okay, all the time, all the time.
time. All right. Okay. Um, let's see. We have a couple more
Courtney, Joanna Spencer. I just wanted to say your whole name
because I thought it sounded great. Courtney. And I love I
love my full name. That's why it's there. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so
yeah, I was so grateful when I saw you post or you sent a
reminder about relational anxiety because today I was like,
God, I can't get over this anxiety. And I like need
something deeper. And I find I'm kind of the opposite of what
you've been posing. It's more that anxious attachment where
it's like, will you pick me? And I find I can't like, get out of
the goal. Are you you're frozen? Am I frozen? Okay, great. Um,
yeah, I can't get out of that cycle. Like the current
situation for me is I was really close friends with the guy we
talked about dating. This was like a year and a half ago. And
then he just disappeared. And it was really unhealthy. And he
just recently came back and has shown up very differently. And
I'm showing up very differently. We're, we're just friends right
now. Like, there's not that anxiety. There's a lot of peace.
But I can tell I'm bringing, he's coming to visit this
weekend. And I'm bringing this like, I hope you pick me rather
than like, let me enjoy this time and each step and like, not
this. I'm a prize. You'd be lucky to pick me. But like, it
feels like that pick me choose me. Love me. Meredith Gray.
Grey's Anatomy.
I haven't I haven't watched Grey's Anatomy. I know. I do
know what you're talking about. But yeah, I death because I've
seen the memes. But I just, you know, and the reason why I think
you feel this way, Courtney is because this this is like, it's
not a new thing. It's like an old thing that got cut off.
Right? Yeah, it didn't feel like it had closure. And so it feels
like the stakes are higher now. Yeah, the stakes are higher
because it's like coming full circle. And so really, what I
want to encourage you to do is I want you since it sounds like
you guys haven't been back in person since, you know, the
whole thing, that you give yourself time to really see if
there truly is some sort of intentional change. Right now,
right now, I don't think you should even want him to choose
you. Because you don't know who he is yet. You know, you don't
really know who he is yet. Is he the same guy that kind of like
abruptly dropped off? I mean, has there been new information?
Has there been new healing? We have had several couples,
several people who were dating people, and they came into our
community, and then they did a lot of healing and then that
person resurfaced, and they married them because that person
was doing their work somewhere else as well. And so that's
always a possibility. But until you really know that, I think
right now, the most beautiful way that you can show up is
just, you know, proud of yourself for doing the work and
understanding that, you know, you're rooted in love already,
you guys, the way that we go into secure attachment is that
we're not looking for love, because we're already in we're
already rooted in love. This is how whole in Christ completed
marriage. So you're here doing the heart, we're getting rooted
in love, so that when you, you know, come across someone else,
who's also rooted in love, you can then grow together, right?
Isn't that beautiful? Because you don't ever want to be rooted
in another human being. You got to be rooted in Christ. Okay, he
is the vine, you are the branch, but branches can intertwine and
grow together and bear a lot of fruit. And that can be amazing.
And so Courtney, what we want you to do right now is we want
you when you it's great, he's circling back around, and you're
going to get to see, but really to show up in that place of
allowing God to not only have the pen, but also to show you
what you need to see. Because you have been doing the work and
you're not anxious. You're not looking for someone to pick me
pick me, you're not a pick me girl. Right? Because you've
already been, you've already been chosen. You've already been
picked by the greatest love. And so all other love that comes
into your life has to be a byproduct of that or no way. No
thanks. Right? Great. Yeah. I will keep you posted for sure.
Yeah, you're great. You're awesome. And you guys, we don't
have to have any kind of fake sort of self esteem either.
You know, you'd be lucky to have me kind of thing because we're
rooted in love. We're rooted in love. We're already loved. We're
not looking for anyone to fill anything that's a God shaped
hole because already filled. And so now it's like, are you going
to partner? Do you want to make an alliance with me? That's
really what it's about.
right
Okay, so
Guys it's getting so late. Let's just take a couple more. Okay. Um, is it miss miss Shanda miss Shanda? I'm bad
I can't sound anything out. Oh
I was actually just about to put my hand down and then you called on me
It's miss Shanda miss Shanda got it. Um
So I just moved to I guess sex phase two and immediately
Was like freaking out that I had moved to phase two and you immediately posted a challenge to do seven dates
But it was over a course of X amount of time
I'm just fast-forwarding because it was a previous date to a new date. And so I
Missed the first part of this call and I'm glad that you had it because you were talking about anxiety
I live in an area
That I live in Washington DC. I don't enjoy
Online dating I show up much better in person
But I found since the pandemic really have a hard time
Doing some of the things that I love beyond riding my bike, etc, and it's cold outside
So what do you suggest for a person like me who loves to meet people in person?
But also a
little shy tendency may come up when it's time to talk or
You know, I get nervous if it's a guy that I really like
So what would you suggest for someone like me who doesn't prefer online dating?
but still wants to get out and
Go to pro bash up. Oh, wow
Who still wants to date? So, you know, I want to do the challenge
There's lots of apps and there's lots of different digital
Platforms that allow us to meet people in person in our areas that have nothing to do with necessarily romantic dates
Okay
In fact, there's a new app right now. I don't know if any of you've heard of it. It's called Zate
So it's date but with the Z Zate Zate and it's all about like what sounds fun to you
People put up what sounds fun to them and then other people are like, yeah, that sounds fun
I'll do that with you
like I'll go to and you can already check whether or not it's like a date like it's a date or if it's just
Like a friendship situation and it's for same-sex as well
Like not in a homosexual way, but you know, let's be friends and hang out. Let's make friends kind of situation guys
There's also meetup groups. There's an app called meetup
Just you can find people that share interests of yours like, you know, it's cold in DC
So maybe indoor rock climbing or you know, just something that's indoors
That's in your area that you know about other people that share those types of hobbies
And you can get involved in a meetup group
Through that app as well. There's also all different types of things if you go to Facebook you guys you plug in your zip code
You'll see all the events that are happening in your zip code every single week. There's indoor farmers markets
There's all types of things, you know get out there get a wingman get a wing woman go out
Because I will tell you this and I'm gonna release this word
I was gonna release it anyway, but I'm gonna release it now
God told me that 2024 is the year of in-person
So I love this digital community that we have going on
But we're gonna be building our single cities this year like never before I'm gonna be visiting the majority of single cities
We're even building some new ones. I'm also kind of like in the DC area
We're opening up one that is not too far from there
And I just want to let you guys know that in person is what you want to do in
2024 God has given us a grace for it. A lot of a lot of things haven't recovered from the lockdown year
I know that we've all been out for a while now
But we haven't really been out to the extent that we're about to be and so I really want to
Encourage all of you to pray into that. How can I get in person you guys if you want to go on vacation?
There's all kinds of singles vacations and cruises all types of different things that go on in your communities other
Singles groups other singles meetups, you know, yes, you might be a little shy like she said
But you know take someone with you get a friend to go and go together and you know
Have each other's back and go have fun
So this wasn't really that kind of call about, you know, those kinds of ideas
but I'm glad she asked the question and so
Make sure that if you're just joining us that you watch all the way from the beginning because there was some real
Fire from heaven released here. Okay, so
The last few people that have her hands up
You guys go ahead and put your questions in the chat because I want to go ahead and wind it up
We've already been on here for an hour and 48 minutes
and
Miss Donda
Sorry, I'm hooked on phonics. I just have such a hard time phonetically sounding things out
But I'm so glad you're with us so excited that you're in phase two you're in
your dating era.
And so I believe that dating will be for mating
in this timeframe for you.
So, so glad that you're with us on that.
All right, so you guys,
this has been a special session on relationship anxiety,
and we are going to be going into attachment style,
and it's gonna be an all path,
all community, all path situation.
That first path session in February as well,
there will be a quiz.
And so that's gonna be important.
I'm looking to see if the other two people
put their chats up, their questions.
I wanna go to a single event this year.
Haven't met anyone in person.
All right, yes, that for sure.
You guys, I'm gonna be in New York City
on February 10th and 11th.
I'm gonna be speaking at Life Center New York City
on Sunday morning, the 11th,
but on the 10th, there is a singles event.
I'm going to be emailing all of you
about that special discount code.
If you use the word Jackie, you can register for that.
It's gonna be a really good time.
I heard there's gonna be dancing.
That's right.
Let's get a groove on.
Come on, let's do it.
Let's groove tonight.
Come on, you guys, I love to dance.
We're gonna have fun.
All right, and so what else?
There's gonna be a singles panel, like spotlight thing.
I heard that there were several groups from New York City
that were gonna be there,
not just the people from Matt Church.
It's a phenomenal church.
I've done three singles events with them now,
and they're all really, really fun.
So I would love to see as many of you
that are in that area.
You can take the train in, whatever you can do.
I'd love to see you there.
You'll hear more information about that.
All right, Amy, you still have your hand up.
You didn't put anything in the chat.
Did you have a question?
I did, I put it in the chat.
I didn't see it.
Okay, let me see.
Let me see.
Amy, Amy, Amy, where'd you go?
It's probably like one of the last ones.
It should be.
I typed as quickly as I could.
I'm in a level three relationship
and suddenly have anxiety,
wanting to break up for no reason.
That's called avoidant attachment.
Me is great, nothing's changed, but me and this anxiety.
You guys, you will start feeling some kind of way
when things start getting serious
and you have an avoidant attachment style.
You will start not liking the way they chew.
You'll start picking them apart,
trying to find things wrong with them.
You'll start telling yourself that you feel like,
oh, I feel this way, so this must be God telling me no.
You're gonna tell yourself all kinds of crazy stuff.
And I wanna let you know that remember,
relationship is about a choice.
And in marriage even,
you're gonna have to wake up every day
and choose that person and choose that person
and choose that person and choose that person.
That's why we say it's a yes until it's a no.
And so if it's not a blatant no, Amy,
then it's a yes still, all right?
And so we'll have that avoidant attachment talk
in a couple of weeks.
And if you run into any kind of serious issues,
like I said, if it's not a blatant no,
then it's still a yes, all right?
And so don't give in to anxiety.
If he's great still and you liked him before,
then let's keep going with that and not cut and run.
All right, sound good?
All right, Bethany and Renee, thanks for showing up tonight.
We had two of our coaches on with us tonight
and they were fielding some stuff of yours in the chat.
Thank you for that.
Love y'all, I'll see you soon.
Supernatural Saturday and then you guys,
Sunday night, we're gonna have a prayer night.
Several people in our community have been diagnosed
with some pretty catastrophic situations.
And we're gonna show up and we're gonna pray for healing.
We've had lots of miracles happen in this community.
So we're gonna come together and we're gonna pray.
So if you need healing in your body, in your mind,
in your relationships, any type of healing at all,
healing in your heart, show up on Sunday night.
We're gonna have time of prophetic prayer for healing.
See you soon.
Bye everyone.