Wow, we've got a really small crowd here tonight.
All right, we're gonna get started here in a second.
I have a feeling a bunch of people are about to roll on,
so we'll just give it a couple more minutes here.
I'm gonna be releasing some ideas,
but we're also gonna love seat.
So if you have something for the love seat,
get ready to jump in.
And for those of you that have never been to a love seat,
I will explain what that is in just a moment.
It's gonna give everyone an opportunity to roll in here
so we don't have a big disruption
because it's not normal for us to have 43 people.
So let's just wait here and see for a second.
All right, let's get started.
All right, so welcome to our all community event
for this week, it is love seats.
For those of you that have never attended a love seat,
it's kind of like Ask Jackie, but in real time.
So you get to jump in the love seat.
I will answer some questions
that people have already put to me.
And if there isn't anyone who wants to go public
with their question, but if you do have a question,
you don't have to be in a relationship
to get in the love seat.
Maybe you get in the love seat about something
that happened on a dating app or something
that you're wondering about with a question
with relationship, dating, whatever, it doesn't matter.
It doesn't have to be necessarily something
that you are living out.
It can be something that you want to have answered
before you live it out.
And so all of that is what we do on love seats.
It is a co-ed session.
So there are guys here as well.
And so we will definitely have a good time.
I want to make a few announcements,
community announcements just really quickly.
I talked to our developer for the app today.
Okay, so I want to explain something.
So there's two different apps.
I know, crazy, right?
Double portion.
There's two different apps.
Before we had zero apps and now we have two.
And so really excited about that.
Okay, so the first app is a community app
just like this last year single.
Right now we deliver last year single
over Facebook and Zoom, right?
And so that is what we kind of piece together,
tape together in order to do our community.
And then of course, all of your community,
all the talking that you do with each other and us
happens in these Facebook groups.
I don't know if you guys have noticed,
but Facebook has really changed.
And it's always changing.
And it's really unpredictable what changes are being made.
I know that we can no longer live stream
from other platforms into Facebook.
We used to live stream our Zoom sessions into the group
and just different things that we can't do anymore.
So we paid a lot of money.
It's the most expensive thing that I've ever purchased
for this business.
And we had a custom app created for us
in which to deliver all of the educational content.
So right now, you guys,
you have all of your educational content,
whether you're in phase one, two, or three,
you have it over Kajabi,
you have that JackieDorman.com portal
where you go to watch your lessons
or look at your worksheets or whatever.
All of that is gonna be in one place from now on.
You'll be able to download that app off the App Store,
okay, off the Apple App Store.
And then you will be able to use your login credentials
because you are a member of this community
and you're a paying member,
a subscription member of this community
to log into that app.
And for those of you in phase three, guess what?
Right there at your fingertips,
you'll have access to phase two and phase one content.
Right, if you're only in phase one,
then that's all you'll see.
And of course, those people aren't here right now,
so they can't hear me
because they don't have access to this loveseat.
But phase one people, those are the hard work people.
They'll be kind of in their own little bubble on the app
where they only have access to certain things.
But then when they get to phase two,
they'll have access to phase one and phase two.
And then when they get into phase three,
like most of you, some phase two people are here as well.
But they'll have access to phase three, two, and one
on the app.
And all of those will be in their own neat little,
what do we call that group?
Neat little group on the app, very intuitive.
you know, you'll be able to click on that.
And then in that very easy to see at the top,
there are tabs where it's like, here's my community.
That's that feed that you guys have on your Facebook groups
where you can talk and chat and ask questions
and do all the things that looks exactly the same.
And it's just as easy to use.
It's not clunky.
It's just as easy to use as Facebook in that way.
And then there's another tab that says today.
And it's just telling you, hey, what's going on today?
Is there a live today?
Is there any homework due today?
For those of you that have homework in phase one,
is there a co-ed community event?
Is there this, is there that?
What's going on today in last year single?
And then is there a deadline for last trip single?
Is there something that I need to make sure I register for
if I wanna go on that trip?
All of that today.
And then the next tab will be curriculum.
Actually the second tab, community curriculum.
So all of your curriculum in one place,
really easy to access all your videos,
all your homework, all your reading,
anything and everything that you might want.
Then there's the today tab.
Then there's a replay tab.
There's an event tab.
So it shows you all the events coming up
for the next several months.
Right there with the event is the date and time
and link y'all.
No more, where's the link?
Where's the link?
I don't understand where the link is.
You just go to the event tab and there's the link.
Click the link and then you're here magically, right?
And if you look at the today tab,
you'll know before you can look at the event tab,
what's happening today.
And so that's great.
And then there'll be the beautiful replay tab.
So all the replays will be there in real time.
If you miss it, you can just click on the replay tab
and catch up on whatever you missed.
Are you excited?
Because I'm super excited.
But you know what else will live inside this app?
Our single cities will live inside this app.
That's right.
Your single cities will no longer be on Facebook either.
You'll have your single cities
and guess what will be in each of your single cities?
Your community, your what's happening today,
the upcoming events for your single city
and any type of other resources that you need.
Also, I forgot to mention,
there's a resource tab on each of your phases as well
that gives you access to extras
that you might want to get involved with.
Maybe you want a one-on-one coaching call.
Maybe you want this, maybe you want that.
Maybe you wanna know what book Jackie was talking about
when she was talking.
It'll all be in the resource tab
and you can just look there and say,
sweet, there it is, I got it, right?
The quiz for attachment style,
right there in your resource tab.
Anything that you missed,
anything that you wanna find right there
in your resource tab in whatever phase
of the community you are in.
But that's not all.
Also, with your single cities in this app,
will be the precursor to our second app.
Remember I told you there's two apps?
Well, the other app is a community-based matchmaking app.
You guys, it's unlike any app that has ever existed.
How many of you would get on a dating app
if you knew there was no stranger danger there?
How many of you would get on a dating app
if you knew that every single person on that app
was known by other people on that app
and on their best behavior?
How many of you would get on an app
if you knew that everyone on that app
was marriage-minded and there for the same reason,
to meet community, friends,
and hopefully their spirit mate?
How many of you would get on an app
that belonged to Jackie Dorman?
And that's what's gonna happen right now.
And you're gonna be able to go there.
And guess what?
I talked to that developer today,
and they let me know that if everything keeps moving,
that app is gonna be ready to go by the end of spring,
the beginning of summer.
So right around June 1st.
But the good news is is that in our app
that we'll already have,
our curriculum community app that I just told you about,
we're gonna have a precursor to our dating app.
We're gonna move Single Nation off of Facebook.
We're gonna put it right there on our app.
And once again, that is going to be the beginning
of what is coming at the beginning of June.
Who's excited?
Because I know I'm super excited, super excited.
And once again, inside of that app app, okay,
the last year single dating community-based matchmaking app,
there's going to be the opportunity
to be friends with people,
the opportunity to be romantic with people.
You'll be able to let them know which one you see them in
and put them in.
I wanna forge community.
Men and women can be more than just lovers.
They can also be friends.
And so it's important that we have community
where people are feeling accepted, seen, known and loved,
where we are being wing men and wing women for each other.
There'll be the opportunity to match each other on that app,
all different types of things
and fun things happening there on that.
And we're continuing to make changes with that
as we're working with a fantastic developer
on making that a dream come true.
All right, so I just wanna let you guys know.
And you guys, listen,
I know and I understand that
there's a lot of scary things happening this year.
This is an election year, right?
And that in itself is just like,
and then we just have to remember
that there's a king on the throne and his name is Jesus.
right? So we can't get all upset about the economy, all upset about this, all upset about that.
We can't let our praying knees get lazy. We got to be praying. We got to be interceding.
And that's why we do what we do with prayer and all the different things in this community,
because we believe that regardless of what the problem is in culture, we're the solution.
And not only are we the solution, but our marriages are the solution and the families
that we build in those marriages are the solution. You come from a crazy, crazy,
crazy crappy family. No problem. The family that you build with your spirit mate is more
important than the family that you came from. And so we can change things and that's what we're here
to do. Okay. And there'll be all kinds of opportunities to better yourself in this app
platform, because we're going to have different coaches on there for different areas of our lives,
like health and wellness, all kinds of affiliate situations where whatever you need to work on in
your last year single, I think people forget. That's why we call it that. We call it your last
year single. Why did we change the name from married in 12 months or less to last year single?
Well, because of a trademark violation. Number one, married in 12 months or less was my God idea.
God gave me that, but then I got into a partnership and they stole it and they trademarked it from
right under my nose. And that sucks. Still got that book of that name married in 12 months or
less. Um, but I'm glad that it happened because it gave us the opportunity to really look at the
two years of coaching that we had done and all the success stories that we had had. And it gave us
the opportunity to take a look and say, Hey, you know what? God's single sons and daughters when
they come in and the name is married in 12 months or less than they just have marriage brain. All
they care about is where, where is he? Where is she? Where is he? Where is she? They're not thinking
about becoming a better partner themselves. They're not thinking about, you know, expanding
their personal portfolio, so to speak of their, their relationships and their health and their
wealth and all those things. And so the question that God asked me was if people really thought
that it was truly their last year single, what would they be focused on? Right. What's important.
What's important for you to do in order to show up in a space where you can give and receive love
and be the partner that you want to attract. What does that look like? And so that is what
this community has become. And I'm happy to say that we've had, you know, every year exponentially
more success stories, and we're going to continue to have that just got a, just got a wedding
invitation in the mail today, y'all, and just got several, several engagement announcements
the last couple of days. So God is great. He is. All right. So we're jumping to love seats. I think
that was all the announcements that I wanted to do. So you guys, regardless of what's going on
out there, remember your solutionary, that little $37 a month subscription that you,
that you put into your love story that you so into your future partnership, it is worth it.
It is just a couple specialty coffees and a couple fast food trips. That's all it is y'all.
And just so you know, Chick-fil-A is not the Lord's chicken. It's not, they just released,
they just released a announcement that they are no longer committed to no antibiotics. They used
to have no antibiotics ever. That was their commitment. And now they're only committed to
a few antibiotics. No, y'all. No, no. And you know why? Because the only reason that you would
need to shoot chickens up with antibiotics is because supply needs to meet demand. You know,
how many animals that you would have to like grow really fast in order to support that many fast
food chains. And so less is better. Right. And I want you to apply that right now to your life.
You're like, Jackie's off on a tangent about Chick-fil-A on our love seats. No,
it's actually a lesson for all of us in this season of our lives. Remember March is about momentum.
Less is more do less better. Please write it down. Do less better
instead of being on four dating sites beyond one and be intentional.
I know you have FOMO. I know you're like, well, what if they're over here?
What if I joined the wrong one and I'm going to miss them? First of all, not possible.
Can't miss your spirit, mate. When you're partnered with God and you're doing the work,
you're not going to, if you miss them over here, you're just going to meet them over there.
Do you know that me and my husband, David crossed paths probably thousands of times before we met
each other. We had so many of the same friend group. We went to the same restaurant Sunday
night after church. Y'all know the Pentecostals that go out Sunday night after church and eat a
whole bunch of fried food and then go home and hope they don't get heart disease.
Yes, we were both going to those types of churches and every single Sunday after church,
we went to one of two restaurants and guess what?
There were always big groups of church people there.
Not people necessarily from your church, but people from the types of churches that have
church on Sunday night, which are usually charismatic, Pentecostal churches.
And you guys, not just Sunday night, but Sunday morning and Wednesday night and Friday night
and every, it's just like, they're worried if you don't go to church that you're going
to go to hell.
You got to be in church every single day of the week, right?
We've got to keep you saved.
Anyway, it's a whole different conversation, but you know how many times David and I were
in the same restaurant at the same time now, granted, we were married to other people during
that season.
It wouldn't have been a good idea for us to meet yet.
Would it have been?
And all of you know the story that I went to that outdoor picnic with the pastor event
at the mega church he worked at two years before I met him and saw him on a jumbotron
as they were making a funny prank video on him because he was a youth pastor of that
church and I knew him in my heart.
I asked my friend who invited me, who's that guy?
I know him.
I must've gone to school with him or something because I know him.
He's so familiar to me.
Two years later, my neighbor, two years later, I found out about the video because I saw
it again and realized he was the same person.
What was that?
It was a little God winks.
You can't miss your spirit mate.
So if we don't do anything else tonight, but take the fear off of you that you somehow
have to make this happen and if you zig instead of zag, go left instead of right, if you're
not in the right time at the right place, then it's not going to happen.
Friends, it's not about that at all.
We're working on the third and most important part of the trifecta.
Right time, right place.
God can give you divine appointments out the wazoo, right heart, right time, right place,
right heart.
Right now you're getting aligned and if you're aligned correctly here, then it doesn't matter
where you are out here.
You're going to have that divine intersection.
Do you believe it?
Guys, even the rom-coms, the people are like passing like ships passing in the night and
the whole time you're watching, you're biting your nails.
When are they going to actually finally see each other?
When are they going to finally act?
And then they always do.
Don't they?
They always do.
It's kismet.
The good thing is, is we have something more powerful than kismet and it's called the Holy
Spirit and he will do it.
What does God say?
He said at the right time, I says, says the Lord will do it.
So your job is not about the right time or right place, but being the right person, being
the right heart that's able to sustain that.
If I could tell you story after story, a story, a story, a story tonight about so many people
in this community that got up to bat and swung and missed because they weren't focused on
the right things and they were just here with all kinds of stuff swirling.
They got another chance at bat.
Don't worry.
Don't feel sorry for them.
You have the opportunity to hit it out of the park.
You do.
And we're here to help you do that.
All right.
So a couple of different things that we want to cover during love seats is red flags.
You guys, I often say this, everybody has yellow flags and I'm going to say it again.
Everybody has yellow flags.
But what makes a yellow flag green because yellow flags are not good.
You guys, if you give, but we all have them, but if you give a yellow flag enough time
and enough space, that yellow flag is either going to become green or it's going to become
red.
And how do we know the difference between which way it's going to go when we meet someone?
So you meet someone, Laura, and you're having lunch with them.
And because you've been in the heart work and you've been doing the work, you immediately
as they're talking, start to notice little foxes in their conversation.
You start to notice lies that they're believing.
You start to notice yellow flags and it's going to happen.
You guys, why?
Because you're aware you're doing the work and some of you are already counselors and
coaches and therapists.
So you're already tuned into the red flags, except they're not red.
They're yellow.
Some are just blatantly red, abusive language, people that are degrading and disgusting and
just all the dis words, that's immediate red.
That's an immediate bless them and block them.
I'm talking about the yellow flags, people that are laboring under lies that they're
believing that's lives are not really where they need to be or where they should be, maybe
even at their stage in life.
all the different things. So what do we do with that? We start to look for other evidence of
whether or not this flag is going to stay and turn green or it's going to escalate to red.
And you're not going to know that from just one conversation probably.
So we don't want to mark people off the list simply because they have some yellow flags,
they're still not, you know, they're in process, they're still not where they need to be in life.
But as you're getting to know that person in the first couple meetings or conversations,
you should be able to start to see a pattern of whether or not that thing is going to go
one way or another. And it's basically one word. Does anyone know what it is?
Teachable.
Teachable could be a version of this word. So I'll go ahead and we'll go ahead and take that.
We'll write that down. Teachable. And remember, we're not their teacher,
right? We're not their teacher, but do they have a heart? Can you hear their
hearts within their conversation that wants change or wants to upgrade? Okay, so good.
What else? It's one word specifically that I'm looking for.
Humility.
Also a really great word. Definitely want to see people who are humble, who are not arrogant,
because that makes them teachable, right? Accountable is also a good word. Those are
all great words. So the word that I'm going for, I'm going to go ahead and give it to you guys is
self-aware. Are they self-aware?
It's one thing to have a problem, and it's another thing to know that you have a problem, okay?
You guys, I know that we think of red flags. We think of all the really scary, crazy stuff,
but I'm going to tell you a big red flag are thoughtless people.
People that are thoughtless,
you don't want to involve yourself with someone who's thoughtless, okay? Animals are unaware
of how their behavior is affecting themselves and others. You can't watch the National Geographic
and say, no, cheetah, don't kill that animal. That's so mean. It's cruel. Why would you do
this thing? I mean, they don't care. They're unaware, right? It's the circle of life.
It's the way it works. But human beings, we have been created higher than the animals and a little
lower than the angels. And so it's important that we understand that part of being the way we are
created is that God has created us to be very intuitive and very aware. And people that are
thoughtless and unaware and not willing to become aware are people who do not want to take other
people's feelings into consideration in their life, okay? It's a very, very immature, you know,
stunted person. And we don't want that, right? And the thing is a lot of you will see that as
a challenge to help them become aware. Now, if someone has made it to their 40s and 50s,
it's not about being clueless. It's about literally being unaware. There are people like
my son, bless his heart. He's got a soft heart. He's a good person. But he sometimes is like
a deer in the headlights. So that's what I think of when I think of clueless. I think of my son
sometimes. You guys, one time I said, oh, I'm going to throw these potatoes away. They have eyes.
And he goes, oh my God, let me see. Really? They have eyes? And you guys, he wasn't a little kid.
He was a grownup. And that's precious. So that might be a clueless situation. I don't
understand what Vicky means when she says clueless. But you guys, I mean that they literally
are thoughtless of other people. When they're going through the decisions that they're making
in life, they're not taking other people and their lives into consideration.
What might that look like? That might look like someone who gets behind the wheel of a car drunk.
They don't care. They're thoughtless. They're thoughtless of the way
their behavior affects other people's lives. Cause that's a red flag. That's not a yellow flag.
that's red. Let's go see, let's see if you guys understand what we're talking about. Go ahead and
put some scenarios up in the chat that could be like immediate red flag.
And guys, I know that we don't talk about this a lot because we're Christians and you know,
even I have always encouraged you guys, you know, give grace, truth and time and all the things,
but there comes a point in time when we have to say no. And so some of these things are subjective
because people may not know that they're being manipulative. They may just be operating in
what they have experienced in their life. They don't understand that their, their language is
controlling. Okay. But if they're willing to be made aware of that and you're like,
what does that look like? That looks like you saying to someone, Hey, um, okay. Like for instance,
we had, we had a lady that said that the guy that she was talking to would call her without telling
her he's going to call. They're just talking. There's texting right now. I don't think they
even met in person would try to call her phone late at night. Okay. That's kind of thoughtless,
right? It's like, Hey, you know, maybe you stay up late, but maybe I don't stay up late.
You're not considering me in this situation. Right. And so then she would message him.
She wouldn't answer the phone call and she wouldn't message right there. I think that's
really great. If someone does something like that, that pushes your boundary, you don't have to say
anything immediately about that. Like they call you late at night. You don't have to answer and
explain to them while it's too late to talk. You don't have to do that. And you also don't have to
message them and say, Hey, I saw that you called, but you know, I'm going to bed. I'll talk to you
later. You don't have to do either of those things. You can just not answer. But then the next day,
I believe she messaged and said, Hey, I saw you call. I saw you try to call last night at 1130.
I just want to let you know that, you know, I keep early hours cause I get up early. So I go to bed
by nine. So, you know, we'll, we'll need to schedule a time to talk. Can't just call me out
of the blue, need to schedule a time to talk so that I can make sure I'm available when you're
available. And it can't be after this certain time you guys, if someone says, Oh yeah, my bad,
I'm sorry. I forgot what time it is. You know, I just stay up late or maybe they work second shift
or, you know, that's just kind of like the afternoon to them or whatever. Cool. That means
they're aware, right? Now they're aware they weren't aware, but now they're willing to be
made aware. That's where that teachable word comes in, right? That educated word, you're able
to educate them. You're not really teaching them, but you're letting them know something
that they didn't know before. Now, if the person's just like, whatever, you must not want to talk to
me then. Bye. What? Oh, you must not want to talk to me that bad. Or, Oh, you must, you know,
you must really want to stay single. You know, why don't you take that stick out from up your butt?
Okay. So now they just play all of their cards, right? And now you know that this person is
selfish. They're thoughtless. They're unaware and they don't want to be made aware. And that's
a red flag. Do you guys see it? Do you see the process of that? So someone does something
that's yellow flag ish, and you very kindly call them on it. Not in a judgmental way,
not in a self-righteous way, but in a, let me make you aware of this way. And their response to it
is antagonistic or, you know, negative. Then that's that. But if their response is, Oh, I'm sorry.
Yeah. I didn't think of that. Cool. Good. All right. Who wants to jump in the love seat?
Someone put up in the comments, do they own their stuff? Let's talk about that for a second,
right? So if someone comes and you're talking to them and you find out that they've been divorced
and you know, one of the first things that I asked men and women, when I have a one-on-one
call with them, if they've been divorced, I don't ask them why they're divorced. I ask them what
they learned through their divorce. It is a much easier question to ask than why are you divorced?
Some people don't want to talk about why they're divorced, but if, when I asked them, what did you
learn through your divorce? If any version of their answer has to do with, I learned not to
trust men or not to trust women. Or I learned that my former spouse is a narcissist or if it's any
version of that, I know that they haven't owned their side of the street. Because you guys, no
matter, I don't care if you were married to the devil themselves, you picked them.
So you're an accomplice to this crime.
So you might learn that you're an enabler through your divorce.
You might learn that, you know, that you have people-pleasing tendencies, or you might learn
this or you might learn that.
I want to know what you learned, and it better not be about the other person.
About you.
Hey, Jackie.
I just wanted to say hello from my-
Oh my gosh.
Carla, did you have surgery today?
Yes.
Yes, I'm in the ICU room.
That was so fast.
I know.
I just wanted-
It was great for you on Supernatural Saturday, and we believe with all of our hearts that
you were not going to have any disease.
Thank you.
I just wanted to come on here and tell everybody and show everybody how well I'm doing, and
thank you for your prayers, which I haven't even seen yet, but I just wanted to say hello.
Wow.
Look at that, you guys.
Supernatural Saturday.
She went into the emergency room with a headache.
They gave her terrible news that she had a mass in her brain, and I just want you to
know that she had the pervasive peace of Christ.
I've never seen anyone take news like that so well.
She was just like, hey, this is going to interrupt my move.
I don't like this.
I got plans and I got things to do, so get up out of my way.
We prayed for her on Supernatural Saturday, and then I got the news, I think yesterday,
that it was not cancer or anything like that, and that they were going to be able to remove
it.
Praise God.
Let's all just give God peace on that.
I am here to tell you, I had one of the biggest tumors they've ever seen.
It was grapefruit size, and the doctors got the entire thing, and it was benign, and I'm
so grateful for all of you, for them, for Jesus, for even the doctor.
My doctor's name was Carl, which is my dad's name, and I just had so many anointings and
blessings and everything else, and he told me not to stop my plans.
He told me that God had plans for me, and he said, keep it going and have people delegated,
and you are anointed.
You are meant to be doing these things.
There's so many people who have spoken into me and loved me, and I have met every exact
right person at the right time for all of this to be happening, and Jackie, I'm so grateful
for you.
I can't even tell you how much you have changed my life.
And this testimony, this is just so powerful.
You guys, won't he do it?
Look at that.
Everyone, everyone that's going through something right now, you know, Carla, I know you're
lying in a hospital bed, but just pray over everyone who's going through something right
now that they would have just that type of faith to see miracles.
Please do that.
There are miracles everywhere, every day, and I am the proof that Jesus loves us this
much.
This is how much you are loved and how much you are favored and how much Jesus knows the
calling on your life and that you are every single person in every moment that you're
here on earth is meant to be loving and serving each other, and I love that I have this message
to share because that's how much Jesus loves me, and I'm just so grateful for every single
moment in my life, and especially, guys, the hardships, the sorrow, the suffering, the
sin, all the things that I have done, all the things that I have caused, all the hurt
that I have caused, all of the pain I have been through.
I have been my second husband blessed by children.
I have been through so much, and I have been able to forgive it all because Jesus showed
me that.
He showed me how to love the person and let this sin, see the hurting person that caused
that sin themselves.
They're not evil people.
Everybody is good and deserves love and is love, and we get to be Jesus and love them.
We get to be the ones to love them, and that's what I did for my second husband, and that's
what I've been doing my whole life is trying to show people how much they are loved, and
so everything Jackie says, everything you say about letting it all go, it's exactly
what we all need to have love in our lives, and that's what I want everybody on this call
and everywhere else to know is that this is how much you are loved and how much love you
have to give from Jesus to everyone else on this planet while you're here, so don't waste
a moment.
It's so important.
Humanity needs us to be Jesus to them.
Amen.
Yes.
Thank you, Karla.
We continue to pray for your speedy healing, supernatural healing that's happening.
That's just incredible and so crazy.
For any of you that are going through anything that seems insurmountable, just use your sister
Karla here as an example of what God can and wants to do.
He knows what you need, and he knows how to get it to you, and wow, wow, wow, wow,
and I know that we've had all kinds of people on the prayer calls just recently needing
miracles in their bodies, and so I want you to see that.
We prayed for a good report for Karla, and she got that.
It was benign.
It was also operable, and now it's gone, and wow, right, wow, and so we pray that over
you know, that you will have good reports,
that the only reports that you receive
are reports from heaven about the fact that,
you know, you are, that you're seen known and loved
and that you are healed and that you are set free
from any kind of dis-ease and disease in your bodies
in Jesus name.
And I pray that over myself as well.
Okay, so we were talking about,
that was a good holy interruption.
We were talking about, you know, what do people learn?
So it doesn't matter what's happened in people's lives,
it's what did they learn from it?
You know, we don't want to get into relationship
with people who haven't learned anything
from their mistakes.
We all make mistakes.
We've all made mistakes,
but have they learned anything from their mistakes?
That's the important thing.
So I don't really remember what I was saying exactly
before Carla came on and testified.
Can someone remind me?
I know I was talking about that I ask divorced people
what they learned, but what else were we saying?
Because I think it was important.
Did they own their stuff?
Oh, did they own their stuff?
So thank you, Erin Joy.
Okay, so here's the important caveat
to what we're saying right now, okay?
They don't have to own what you think they have to own.
All right?
So don't sit in judgment of what you think their stuff is.
That's very important because you don't know the story.
You don't know the story, that's their story.
And they may not tell it to you because guess what?
You know, it might be on a need to know basis
and you don't need to know yet
because you don't know them that well.
And you guys know that I'm a huge proponent
of not spilling your guts to someone that you barely know.
It's very uncomfortable.
It just happened to me the other day.
I was at a conference and this woman came up
and started talking to the woman that I was talking to.
And she was introduced by another woman.
And remember, no one here knows each other.
And I'm talking to my friend who I know.
And this woman comes up to talk to her
because someone else wanted to introduce them.
And the conversation starts out normal enough.
And my friend's not even a minister.
She's not a pastor, she's not a preacher.
She's not like, you know, a therapist or anything.
And this girl, after she's made this,
this woman, after she's made this connection,
she just starts airing all her dirty laundry to my friend,
just starts talking about all of this stuff.
And my friend is kind of an introverted personality.
So I can tell she's getting really uncomfortable
and she doesn't really know what to say.
And she's like, oh, okay, uh-huh, uh-huh.
And I'm like...
So I kind of intervened and I'm like,
hey, our lunch is getting cold, you know, like...
But you guys, not only is it not good for you to do that,
it's also really uncomfortable for a lot of people.
Now, if you get another overshare,
then you might be talking all night and comparing war stories
but if you don't get an overshare,
then you're probably going to leave that conversation
with a vulnerability hangover,
feeling like you said too much
and you shared things you shouldn't have shared
and then you might not even want to see that person again
because now you're embarrassed.
Right?
Has that ever happened to anybody else?
You talk too much, you told way personal things
because you felt comfortable enough
to just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
but then they didn't really reciprocate
with any of their own stories.
And then by the end of the night,
you kind of just felt like you over-talked
and talked about things that were not appropriate.
Only four people?
I don't believe that.
Ever in your life, y'all.
I don't say that you still do it.
I'm just saying ever in your life.
Okay.
That's better.
Okay, so someone said it's a red flag
if they haven't owned their stuff,
but remember, we don't get to be the judge
of whether they owned it or not
because we don't know what it is.
That's something that you're going to have to learn
about someone after you get to know them a lot more.
All right, so does anyone want to jump in the love seat?
Anyone have a dating question,
something that happened on an app,
something that you're...
Yes, Evangeline.
I do.
Can you hear me?
Yeah.
Okay, perfect.
Specifically, I will love your wisdom slash advice
on what to do in the initial phases
of just online dating
if certain things touches on a heart wound.
So I'll get into the specifics.
I went on a first day with a guy last week
and it really touched on the heart wound,
specifically that God doesn't care about my preferences.
So I'll give a little.
bit of context, like this guy's a little bit on the fluffier
side, and I just like did not find myself physically attracted
to him. And the guilt and shame in me and I think it's a lot of
church baggage kept being like, well, you know, like, he's
really, he's in church, like he goes to church, he crosses all
the eyes, dots, dots, dots, dots, dots, eyes crosses a tease,
like you should give him another chance. And I am working through
the heart wound that like God doesn't God does care about my
preferences. And at the same time, I also want to like,
withhold suspend judgment because it was just one
interaction. And I love to process with you and hear. Yeah,
just like your wisdom on that and how to proceed and move
forward with that. He wants a second date. And I'm kind of
like, I'm not sure.
Okay, let me ask you a question. So I hear I hear like, what's
kind of a turnoff for you? But what did you like about him?
Besides that he goes to church? Besides that he goes to church?
What else? I like that he paid for my coffee. Okay, good. Okay.
So plus one. Okay, what else?
I mean, it's just one date. So you don't know that much about
him. But was there anything else? Was he funny? Did the
conversation flow? Do you have conversational chemistry? Do you
have anything in common?
I think we I felt like I could like intellectually spar with
him. But at the same time, I don't know if that's something
I'm looking for in a person.
Well, I will tell you that people that are intelligent,
okay, and also good conversationalists, they are
what I call sapiosexuals, meaning that they really need to
have intellectual stimulus in order to be long term attracted
to someone. I mean, it's easy to be attracted to someone who's
eye candy right at the start, you know, someone who's
objectively good looking. But going forward in relationship,
you know, there has to be other deeper attractions, right? Guys,
there's something more important than butterflies. And of course,
evangeline wouldn't need wouldn't be able to know this
from one date. Okay. But as you get to know someone, and
remember, it's a yes until it's a no, I but I want to address
God and God caring about our preferences. I want to address
all that in this. But I just want to say this first, is that
the more important thing than butterflies when you first meet
someone, I mean, butterflies feel fun. But I will tell you
infatuation scientifically has proven that it cannot last
longer than 24 months. And that's long. Okay, most
infatuation, ebbs and flows at the beginning, and then you
might have like a burst of it. And that's why they call it like
a second honeymoon, even in marriage, where this person that
you know, really well has like sparked you again, somehow, and
you're like in a second honeymoon phase, not that you
don't always love that person. But it feels like the beginning
again, it feels like the butterflies, and you're so
excited to see them and all the things, because y'all, that's
not what marriage looks like. Okay, marriage looks like
partnership. It looks like enjoying someone, it looks like
a best friendship. You know, my husband, I'm always like, you're
my best friend. You know, I like I couldn't imagine my life
without him. He's the first person that I want to see when I
wake up, he's the last person I want to see before I go to bed.
He's the first person that I want to tell anything to good,
bad, ugly, doesn't matter. He's the person that I want to tell
all the things to. He's the person that's advice I want the
most in my life. He's the person that I enjoy traveling with and
spending time with. You know, I we make each other laugh, we
have fun, we're very comfortable with each other, the sex is
good, all the things and the sex is good, because all that other
stuff is good, right? Because it's into me see. And so here's
what I want to say, Evangeline about the situation. As someone
who married a fat man, I have to say that. Well, my husband was
fat when I married him like really fat. So he's lost a lot
of weight recently. He's been working out and taking
testosterone shots. Y'all all you men over 50. Look into that.
But he definitely was. She called it fluffy. She's being
nice, but he was just straight up fat. You know, he was a dress
like a math teacher. And I was like, I can fix the math teacher
part. But he was 36 years old. And he told me he said, Look,
he's like, I'm gonna be in the best shape of my life by the
time that I'm 4040 came and went 45 came and went 50 came and
went and just recently in the last year, he's really been on a
health journey. I'm really proud of it. But you guys you get over
that. Because like, I was super attracted to him once I got to
know him, it didn't matter that he was not
Skinny or not in shape at all. It didn't matter that he had man boobs. All right, I loved him and
And you guys I was objectively hot. I just want to let you know. Yeah, I look okay now gained a lot of weight
But then I was objectively hot. I could have married a pro athlete. You're
Okay, thank you, but I was
Smoking hot back then and so like, you know, I mean he definitely married up in that way back then
but
He has got he's so amazing. He's got such great character. The man can sing y'all
Whoa, I didn't know that when I first met him Evangeline. I didn't know that
I didn't know that until I knew him for several months like whoa, what an incredible he's a humble guy
He didn't say oh, hey, by the way, I can sing you guys when we go to karaoke
I mean everyone in the place stands up like they're at a frickin concert
Okay, dude can sing and he's saying obviously on stage in a megachurch all I'm saying is that there's treasure in people and
when we say
Hey, I really hope that God cares about my preferences. God may be saying back to us
Yeah, I do. But sometimes I give you the best thing. You never knew you even want it
And so we have to be willing to search things out with people
We have to be willing now if there's no chemistry, no conversational chemistry, no physical chemistry, no emotional chemistry
No spiritual chemistry after we're getting to know someone then of course, he has to know
They might have chemistry with someone else and no harm no foul
but we definitely don't want to judge that on one meeting or one conversation if
There's any any boxes check
So I want to encourage all of you when you're talking to someone especially after you either FaceTime like, you know
Meet them face-to-face whether it's a video chat or whether it's an in-person chat when you leave there as long as there wasn't something
Inappropriate and arrogant and offensive that happened when you leave there and it was just like kind of like evangelion
It was like it was okay
You know, I want you instead of sitting and dwelling on what you weren't crazy about about the person
You know like hey, they weren't really my type or you know
whatever I didn't like their shirt or make a list of what you did like and see if that there's enough of what you did like
to
Constitute a second date
Is that helpful? Yeah super helpful. Okay, because you guys I will tell you there's at least
50 people that I can
That I can definitely verify in this community that married someone that they were not attracted to at first and it's not because they settled
It's because they were comparing it to an archetype of attraction their type that
wasn't healthy and
As they got to know this person more they felt safe. They felt seen they felt loved
In fact, one of them said I said hey what shifted for you and they said, you know
I just realized that instead of me going out and trying to find someone that I love
That I should probably choose the person that loves me
Like really loves me and I was like, oh, that's interesting
Happily married
All obviously very much in love but at the beginning that's what they needed to get there because they were always
Choosing and let's talk about this for a second
they were always going after and choosing the person that was gonna make them feel validated because like they were handsome or they were
Beautiful if they're a woman, you know that the person that's gonna look good on their arm or the person that they were gonna feel
Proud to be with or whatever the bad boy, you know type or this or that or the person, you know
Some of us are attracted to people that don't love us back
Because we were raised in families where you know, we were dismissed and we were insignificant. We were abandoned
We were neglected. And so there's this part of us this unhealed child inside of us that wants to prove we're valuable
And so the way we prove we're valuable is focusing on someone who reminds us of mom or dad emotionally unavailable
Thoughtless and then trying to get them to love us
Trying to get them to choose us trying to convince them that we're valuable and then we feel like if we can do that
This is where anxious attachment comes from then we win
right
We're lovable
We're trying to convince ourselves and everybody else by trying to win these people over that are a challenge in these areas you all know
That's not worth it. It isn't all you're doing is, you know, lather rinse repeating your childhood
You can't fix what went wrong in your childhood through your adult relationships
It's not possible. All you can do if you want closure is forgive those people
for
not being able to love you the way that you needed to be loved or abusing you or hurting you or whatever has happened in
these situations and go forward and choose
You know people that do love you people that that the relationship tells a different story than the one that your childhood told you
That should be valuable to a lot of you
that is
Good stuff right there. Holy Spirit. Okay
Nitin, you're up.
Okay, Jackie.
I am continuing with the question that I asked you earlier in Ask Jackie.
You mentioned regarding the lady that based on her fast behavior,
she could cut and run.
So she did mention that she has gone through the heart healing course
at a church for the last couple of months.
So just following up after talking to her for the last couple of months,
we met and spent the entire day together.
We hiked, explored the city.
We really enjoyed each of this company, laughed, and had a good conversation.
She texted me letting me know that I'm a true gentleman,
thanked me for being attentive, and told me that she felt very safe.
After that, I did not hear back from her for a couple of days.
So I just followed up with a text saying hi.
She said she was not feeling well, and there is a lot on her mind right now.
Since then, I have not texted, and it has been close to a week.
Excuse me.
And I haven't heard anything from her either.
Any guidance regarding the next steps, please?
Did you say it was long distance?
Yes.
Okay.
So there's a lot of different things that could be happening here.
I mean, it sounds like, you know, obviously, you guys,
long distance, you guys, it takes a lot of investment.
You have to really, really, really be on board.
Okay?
People get very intimidated by long distance,
especially if there isn't a certain amount of attraction
or infatuation that's driving it.
All right?
So that's a situation where, you know, if someone's local and in person,
you can give them the benefit of the doubt.
You can, you know, see them a couple of times, see if something builds,
something grows, especially if there's not some chemistry there right away.
And I don't just mean physical. I mean, in every way.
But long distance, there's a more of an investment.
If you're not feeling it, if you're talking and then you decide, okay,
we're going to make the leap, we're going to travel to see each other.
And then still it's okay, but it's not like, you know,
enough to build that type of, you know, long distance commitment on.
Then a lot of people will shy away from it.
So it sounds like that's what could be happening here.
It also sounds like she's a nice person who doesn't want to hurt your
feelings.
With, and I'm not saying she's lying. Like she doesn't feel good.
I'm just saying it's convenient.
To not feel good after, you know,
After seeing someone that, you know,
you're not really sure that you want to pursue anything romantic with.
It's kind of telling.
Yeah.
So.
Sorry, go ahead.
My question to you would be, is that if you feel like.
You're investing your time and your energy into women who.
After the initial meeting or conversations are not reciprocating.
You know, what can we learn from that?
Because there's obviously some sort of type.
That isn't working guys. And that goes for everyone.
If you feel like you're predominantly attracted to people.
You know,
if you feel like you're primarily attracted to people that after one
date or after, you know,
maybe you don't even get a date because they're not attracted back to
you.
We've got to look at that.
What is that pattern? And what is it rooted in?
Because there's plenty of people.
I'm going to tell you right now that would be attracted to any of y'all.
And so if you're always focusing on, or, you know,
You know,
if you feel like you're primarily attracted to women who are not
reciprocating,
then you need to take a look at why.
So Jackie is my conclusion that.
Like I'm invested.
But since I'm not seeing any reciprocation, am I correct?
To conclude it's time to move on.
Oh, yeah.
Okay. Thank you.
Yeah.
Okay.
I want you to move on to someone who's going to reciprocate because I
feel like this has happened several times now.
Yes.
Okay.
So.
So what I'd like for you to do is I'd like you to take those women.
That this has happened with where there's just,
there's no chemistry to continue.
I'd like you to take a look at why you're, why you're attracted.
Why you're attracted.
Like why you're, when I say attracted, attracted enough.
To pursue it enough to see if something's there.
So why are you like,
why are these the women that you're reaching out to or talking to?
I'd like to see what.
What common denominator we can find.
Okay.
I will, should I just email you on Facebook?
Regarding my.
Just, yeah, just, you can just email it to admin, just make,
just make a little spreadsheet.
Okay.
I give some feedback.
Thank you, Jackie.
Yes, my pleasure.
You guys, and this happens to so many of us.
When I was younger, I was always attracted to guys
who I was invisible to.
They were not interested at all in me.
And it wasn't necessarily like I wasn't cute enough for them
or whatever.
They liked a different type of girl.
I was attracted to guys that liked emo girls.
I was a preppy girl.
And they liked girls who dyed their hair black
and had a piercing in their face.
I liked those guys, the skaters, the freestyle bikers,
the guys that were edgier.
And for whatever reason, I liked them.
And they didn't like me back.
And you know what I found out as an adult woman?
I was attracted to those boys.
And I was trying to get their attention
because I wanted my brother's attention.
My older brother, it was just me and him growing up
until my mom had another child when we were 14.
And that's when I went to live in a girl's home
when I was 14.
So I was separated from all of my family.
But my brother, him and I, we were latchkey kids.
Our mom was married three times before I was 10.
And he's a year and a half older than me.
And so I was always trying to,
when we were kids, we were like this.
But then about seven, eight, nine years old,
he started moving away to other people and other things.
And I was always trying to get his attention.
I was always trying to get him to take me with him.
I was really lonely.
We were in a really isolated environment,
like a lot of kids when you're abused
and you're in abusive environments.
And so that's what he was like.
He was a skateboarder.
He was a snowboarder.
He was a freestyle biker.
And so I was trying to get the attention
of the boys that were like him
because I just wanted my best friend back, my brother.
And guess what?
I have him.
Because he lives in my other house.
He got ran over by a car.
And he can't walk.
And so now he's my captive audience.
And I want you to think it's misery.
I'm not over there like breaking his legs
or anything like that.
But I do get to spend some time with him
because he's healing right now
and he's gonna get fully better.
And then I don't know what he'll do, but he is here.
So can anyone see any of their patterns
of the opposite sex and maybe a sibling
or a parent or someone else important in your life
and their rejection of you in your type?
Can anyone else see that?
Anybody?
Come on, y'all.
You had an emotionally unavailable mother
or father, gentlemen.
Maybe you had a mom who never complimented you
or told you that you did anything right.
She was always nagging at you.
And now your type is the opposite of that.
Women who won't say boo to nothing.
Okay.
So either the same type or the opposite type.
So you guys see there's a lot of brokenness in our types.
And that's why we have to take a look
at any romantic attractions that don't work out
for us in a healthy way.
We gotta take a look at those and find out where they are,
especially if you have a strong type.
All right, who else wants to jump in the love seat?
I don't know if...
You guys have your little yellow hands up still.
So if everyone could just take those down,
your little avatar hands.
Everyone just put your hands down,
regardless of whether or not you have a question
or you wanna get in the love seat.
Just take them down.
And then after they're all down,
everyone take them down.
Okay, now anyone wanna jump in the love seat?
Okay, Melissa, go ahead.
And doesn't Melissa look pretty?
Doesn't she look beautiful in this purple?
She looks so lovely.
Okay, go ahead.
Thank you so much, Jackie.
I really appreciate it.
So my goodness, thank you for all of this wonderful teaching.
I wanted to run by you,
this certain guy that I'm getting to know.
And I really appreciate that he's very sincere.
And also he just became a believer a couple years ago.
He was resisting the Lord for 10 years.
And his family, especially his brother,
just kept loving on him, sharing the gospel, all this stuff.
And so he's only been a believer since 2022,
whereas I've been a believer for decades.
And I've also been in full-time ministry
and have studied theology and all these things.
And I'm only saying that just to explain a hesitation I have.
I know that it's possible, as I'm sure we all know,
to have a lot of years with the Lord,
but not necessarily have like the same level of love or depth.
And then it can be some...
times like a rocky point in the journey and whatnot. And so I'm
just really happy for him that he came to Christ. I think
that's so amazing that he hasn't told me the deeper story, but I
also haven't asked, just out of like respect for his story and
his boundaries. And so, but like saying words like tragedies that
he's walked through, or just like, it sounds like the Lord
has really rocked his world. And I also appreciate that I hear
him like repenting and being very aware of like God's Word,
like he's just, he's really intentionally growing in the in
this time. And so, so all of that to say that, like, I just,
you know, be that as it may, I guess I'm wondering how to think
about, like the idea of like, spiritual leadership, because,
you know, I know that we're co-heirs of Christ and, you
know, Ephesians five and all the things, but I guess, like, I,
I'm not trying to like teach him or be his counselor, but I also
like a lot of things that are really new to him, like, they're
kind of not so new to me. And that makes sense, really, for
anyone. So I guess, I am, there's that concern. And then
there's also like, you know, he's kind of like not in a
financially stable place, he's sort of insinuated that and I'm
very solid in that area. And I'm grateful for that. But and then
just like the question of ambition, and all of that. And
so, so just to kind of put all of this together, I'm like, I
know that, like, whoever I'm with, I want to admire and trust
and respect. And I want to do that sincerely. And I know that
I'm not going to, I'm not going to be able to fake that forever,
nor would I want to do that or to do that to someone. And so I
guess I'm wondering, like, kind of with some of these
discrepancies, I could mention others, just it seems like we're
in different places in some ways, but I don't know that that
makes us incompatible. But I also want to be wise. And I
would really appreciate some outside perspectives, such as
yours, just to be able to, like, I don't want to lead him on if
it's like, okay, well, like, we're in such different points
in our, in our lives and journeys, and everyone is
different. But, but I also don't want to miss out on him. I do
feel safe. I do appreciate his way of being. I do feel like he
has a kind heart. And I do see like the Holy Spirit in him. And
I and I, I recognize that I just wonder, like on a practical
level, like, can I be his cheerleader? Can I support him?
Can I like, like, I don't know, just so anyway, I'll stop all of
the rambling, but I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Oh, how many dates have you been on?
Um, like, really, we've only done like one FaceTime, and
we're gonna do another one today. But we've also been
communicating through messaging. And so kind of like back and
forth. But he already said, like, he really wants to get to
know me. And I was like,
you haven't ever met him in person.
Well, he's in Texas, and my family's in Texas. And I go back
and forth between where I am.
So it's long distance, and you had one FaceTime, you've had
conversations, one FaceTime, and, and you haven't. And you
also haven't met in person. So first, you know, my honest
opinion is that this is a lot of thinking that you're doing about
someone that you just really don't know at all. Right. And so
there's just there's a lot of like, analysis paralysis
happening here. Like, you know, like, oh, my gosh, and what's
gonna happen if this happens? And can you spiritually? Girl,
you don't even know him. Okay, it's like the equivalent of
like, writing his last name on your notebook already. And like,
you know, just like so. So everyone, and you guys, we all
have done this. But I think Christians do this more than
anybody else is, you know, while people that are not necessarily
Christ followers might become like excited or about the idea
of a new person, we immediately go to Are they my husband? Or
are they my wife, you know, and I get it. Right. We're trying to
make that decision pretty quickly. Because, you know, we
can't get the show on the road. Until, you know, there's
something serious going on, because you can't have sex. And
there's all kinds of things that we don't do until you know, that
person in a, you know, we marry that person. And so there's a
whole, there's a whole set of rules here. But you kind of you
nailed you nailed it, even though you don't know this guy
at all. Okay, just just brief some texting in a FaceTime. You
said a word, and that word is respect.
Okay. So you guys, there's, there's so much gold in people and it might not be the gold that you're
used to. Right. Um, I do know that God told me that there is a huge harvest of souls and it's
already begun. It's not coming soon. It's already happening. And that a lot of people in the church,
you know, a lot of Christians, people, their, their spirit mates, their, um, their husbands
and wives are in that harvest. They're in that harvest. Okay. But if that's going to be you,
then you have to be okay with that. Right. God's not going to force something on you,
but I want us to pray the prayer. God make me willing to be made willing in the day of your
power. Right. And the day where you're doing something really special in the earth, you know,
make me willing to be made willing to what maybe to marry a new believer.
You know, I know a lot of us are like, Oh my gosh, you know, that's, that's,
you're not supposed to do that. You know, that's that where, where does it say that
doesn't say that at all. It doesn't say that at all. In fact, a lot of you would be really,
you'd be really offended by Paul's writings in Corinthians that says, Hey, um, after you
received Christ, if you're unbelieving spouse is fine with it, then you should stay with them.
What? You should be married to an unbeliever. That doesn't sound fun. Um, so it's a situation
where it's about what can you receive? What can you receive? You know, my, my daughter is engaged.
She's getting married in August and her and her boyfriend had been dating for three years.
She's just turned 23 years old. So since she was 20, they've been dating, he's 26. So he's
three years older than her. And the purpose of me telling the story is that my daughter is
like a revival stream, Christian, you know, encounters and healings. And right now she's
actually at one of the biggest revival schools in the country, you know, you know, just learning how
to be a revivalist. Now her boyfriend is not like that. He's a Christian. He loves Jesus,
but he was raised in a Baptist family. In fact, his grandfather was a Baptist circuit rider,
meaning that he was an itinerant, you know, preacher that went from place to place.
But he wasn't as like into the whole Holy spirit kind of version of Christianity. You guys that are
like that know what I'm talking about. It isn't that he was opposed to the spirit. He's not a
cessationist, meaning he believes in the ministry of Holy spirit, but he is not someone who's going
to be rolling on the ground in the gold dust and speaking in tongues probably. All right. At least
not yet. Um, so the bottom line is, is that a couple of times she was trying to think Melissa
that maybe this wasn't the right person for her because of the same reason, am I going to have to
like teach him? Um, you know, is, is, you know, am I going to, is he going to be able to lead me if
he's not, you know, following Holy spirit, then how is he going to be able to lead me kind of
thing and not understanding that, you know, the ministry of Holy spirit in everybody's life looks
different. And, you know, it doesn't necessarily look like prophesying and speaking in tongues,
everyone, the ministry of Holy spirit in everyone's life looks different.
And it's important that we understand that. And so she got over those things and you know what that
dude can do. He can build anything that you ask him to build. He can make anything, he can build
it. You know, he's got so many cool talents that she doesn't have, you know, yeah, she's a
musician. So she's a music missionary and she's an amazing songwriter and singer and musician.
And he's none of those things, but she didn't want to marry someone who was going to write
her a song about the fence that needed fixed. She wanted someone who could fix the fence.
And so we have to start to ask ourselves what's important. When I look at my future marriage and
I look at myself, what's important to me, Melissa, you seem like a very spiritually mature woman.
And so do you need someone to explain the scriptures to you? I don't think you do.
And so the bottom line is, is that we have to reframe or relook at, not even reframe,
we have to revisit is the word, what we think that it means to be equally yoked.
And I'm going to tell you, according to scripture, it's that we both are following Christ headed the
same direction. It has nothing to do with where we've come from or how long ago we were there.
It has everything to do with where we're going and can we go together? Do we make a good team?
Are we complimentary opposites? Those are things that are important.
I will say on the financial front, my husband went through a divorce right before I met him
and they had to file for bankruptcy because they were so lax with their finances during their
marriage. And when I met him, he had two cars repossessed and he was living in a townhouse
and his house had been foreclosed upon. He had to file bankruptcy and he had a $42,000 a year
ministry job after 15 years of working at that ministry, only $42,000 and no health insurance.
That's not a catch.
And he was almost 40 years old, okay?
So that being said, I think that it is about
a lot of other things.
And I think that God shows us what we need to see
as we get to know people better.
And so writing someone down on paper
when we don't really know them
and sort of judging them according to that resume
is not a good idea.
But Melissa said something very important.
She's gotta marry a man that she can respect.
And so she's gotta get really serious with God and herself
about what can I respect?
But I definitely wouldn't judge whether or not
you can respect a man until you really get to know him
because I think that it was Martin Luther King
that said that a man would be judged
by the content of his character.
And so I think that until we really know a man's character,
I think that we can't really know
if we can respect him or not.
Absolutely.
And thank you so much for saying that.
I really, like I'm not like drawn to like the flashy cars
or like the, you know, like the big loud.
That's not actually, I like,
like I've dated like a guy who's poor in another country
that literally had nothing to offer me.
And like, there was a doctor there at the same time.
I totally ignored the doctor
because he was like very full of himself.
So I really love the humility and whatnot.
I think I'm just thinking on more like practical terms
but I really appreciate what you said
and I will definitely pray about it,
reflect on it and take it to heart further.
Thank you, Jackie.
Well, and you guys have to understand
as was the case with me and my husband
is that no matter what circumstances someone's in,
circumstances can change really quickly.
You know, we all saw that through COVID,
all kinds of middle management people
that were pulling down six figures
all of a sudden had no money, right?
You know, they all of a sudden had lost their jobs
because it happened overnight.
And the same can happen to the other way.
Someone who hasn't really maybe been having any wins in life
and then all of a sudden you guys come together
and doors open and all kinds of wins starts happening.
And so for me, it's really just about the heart.
It's about the heart.
You know, if someone's at a place
because they are irresponsible and they're lazy,
you know, they don't want to change their lives.
They don't wanna do better.
That's, you know, like I said,
that's about that unawareness, that thoughtlessness.
You know, we don't wanna be involved with people like that.
But if people are in, you know,
in a place where, yeah, they got there
and yeah, they made some bad decisions to get there,
but they're fully aware of those bad decisions
and they're working hard to change the trajectory
of where they are, then guess what?
That person might be a diamond in the rough.
You guys, that just reminded me of something very funny.
And if you know, you know, some of you will know
cause you've been around this movement for a long time,
but we had a guy in our group and he was so sweet,
but also just used the wrong analogies
and the wrong sayings at the wrong time
and in the wrong way.
And so he started dating a woman from this community
and all the time he'd be like, just look at her.
He's like, she's amazing.
She's a diamond in the rough.
He would always say, like he would post pictures
of her on his, her Facebook and on his Facebook
and be like, look at her.
She's a diamond in the rough.
And finally I had to take him aside.
I was like, that doesn't mean what you think it does.
Whatever it is that you think it means, that isn't it.
And I had to explain to him that
that actually means that, you know,
they could clean up well and, you know,
underneath all of that, there's something good,
but it's not showing yet.
All right.
Thank you, Melissa.
Jackie.
Hello.
So question about age range
and children's age range for dating.
So I matched with someone
and I might be going on first date with him.
He's about 11 years older than me.
I'm 36, he's 47.
One of his kids are 26.
I mean, I'm 36.
Is that weird?
Is that wrong?
Like, how do you navigate this?
Wait, you're 36 and he's 46?
47.
Okay.
I mean, it's 11 years.
It's not a big deal to me.
You guys, here's the thing about age.
It's not about age, it's about season.
Are you in the same season, right?
Do you want the same things out of life,
not just now, but in the future?
I mean, there are some people, for instance,
where, you know, a woman might, you know,
like we've had a lot of this.
I know this sounds crazy,
because you guys are like,
well, I think the opposite, Jackie.
I think the opposite would be true.
But we've had women who.
are a certain age and they could still have children,
but they don't want to.
They already have kids and they don't want any more children
and then, you know, the guy's just like,
well, I want to have biological children.
So that's a deal breaker.
They're not in the same season.
This man wants biological children.
This woman's baby, you know,
baby womb is closed for business.
Now, I think that if you could still have children, y'all,
I don't think that,
I really don't think it's a good idea
to say that you don't want any more
and that you won't have any more.
I don't think that should be on your list of non-negotiables
because you never know what God's plans are.
You don't.
I mean, you know, supposedly I can't have any more children,
but if I did end up pregnant with a baby,
then that would be a blessing.
And it's not weird his oldest daughter's 10, you know, 26.
And I'm 37.
He started having kids young.
He was 21 years old when he had her.
So, I mean, it's not weird.
Now, will she think it's weird?
I don't know the history of why he's not with her mother.
Is her mother passed or is her mother, are they divorced?
So basically they're separated and divorced
and he moved to the States and his daughter stayed,
you know, in the country they're from.
Oh, okay.
So they're separated, getting divorced
and he moved to another country and his kids are, okay.
I mean, his kids are adults.
So they're gonna do what they're gonna do.
I don't think that the age is a flag.
I think that the other part of the story
might be a yellow flag of just, you know,
he, did he move here for a job?
Why did he move here?
He moved here for opportunity
and his daughters want to move here with him.
Okay.
So here's why it's a yellow flag
about the guy she's talking about.
And remember, it's just yellow.
And it's because he is new here.
That's all.
So that's the yellow flag.
Not in years.
So he's been here nine.
So he's been here nine years and he's been,
so they were together for 15, like really young, you know,
and they haven't been together for 15 years.
But he's not divorced yet?
He is divorced.
So they were separated and then became divorced.
Okay.
But just recently,
how long were they separated before they were divorced?
Sorry to clarify, but like, I know this comes up.
So he's, they haven't been together
separated for 15 years, 15 years.
They've been apart for 15 years
and he just recently got divorced.
No, he's been divorced for 15 years.
Okay. Sorry.
Cause when you've started the story,
you said he was separated and then I just got confused.
All right.
So he has been in the States for nine years.
Does he have community here?
Yes.
He has church in his name.
Okay.
Well then I take back my yellow flag on the play.
I was just misunderstanding
some of the things you're saying.
I know.
I don't think that the age difference is a big deal.
Now, if you meet him and you feel like he's too old for you,
you feel like you're like, you know,
having lunch with your uncle or your dad,
and it's just a, you know, an ick,
then it's an ick and that's that.
Guys, there's some people that are just forever young.
Like for me, I'm going to be 50 years old.
Do I seem 50 years old to you?
No.
And I probably never will because I'm just like that.
I've always been like that.
You know, if there's a, if there's a, you know,
a fence to walk on top of,
you'll find me there because I'm just crazy.
I think I'm like six years old inside,
but then there's other people who they're not like that.
You know, I have friends that are 10 years younger than me
that act like they're my mother.
And so age is relative.
It's not just about your chronological age.
It's about the age of you inside, you know,
what's your spirit like?
And so we've got to match energy levels.
We have to match seasons.
These are the things that are important
when it comes to matches.
Thank you so much.
Uh-huh.
All right, keep us posted on that date.
All right, who else?
Tori, love seat, jump in.
Where'd she go?
Tori, where are you?
Right, she disappeared.
Who else has something?
Hey, I accidentally turned it off.
Okay.
It's okay.
So, I think I posted on the last year single already,
but I was just wondering if there's.
Any ideas on how I can drop the hanky for somebody at my church?
We both work on, I think I responded, I responded to your, your post in the
group and I was talking about, yeah.
I mean, I think that you should just ask him to hang out.
Just ask him, I mean, you know, if you, because here's the thing, he's
paying a lot of attention to you.
You're getting the vibe that, you know, maybe he's interested.
And the only way you're going to know is if you're like, Hey, you know, do
you want to get coffee sometime?
Because listen, if he doesn't want to, and he's just being nice and friendly,
you might as well just know now, you know, and the thing is, is that in church
community, men, especially have a hard time pulling the trigger on asking a girl
if she wants to do something, because they're really not sure if they're
really interested or not, and they don't want to kind of rock the boat.
In the church setting, right.
They don't want to approach a girl and then be completely rejected.
And then it's embarrassing.
And then, you know, you don't want to go to your church anymore, you know, but
because he's paying attention to you and because he's like looking in your
eyes and doing all the things, you know, I would find a way, by the way, I go to
your church too, so I could probably be your wing woman in this, I could probably
find out, you know, in a very discreet way, whether or not it's a thing.
Okay.
All right.
So Tori goes to my church, so maybe, maybe you should just, you know,
message me and tell me who it is.
Okay.
There's very few singles in that church that I don't really know.
Yeah.
So hopefully he's not one of those very few, cause I'll be like, darn it.
Um, but okay.
I'll, I'll try to help you with that.
Okay.
Thanks.
And you guys, you can do that.
So I don't go to, I don't go to all your churches, obviously, but if you go to
Bethel Austin, then I go to your church.
Um, but if you don't go to my church, then you have someone at your church.
I guarantee you that, you know, would be a discreet.
Now there are busy bodies at all churches and you don't want to employ
them to be your wing man or wing woman.
Okay.
Cause there is going to make a lot of drama out of whatever, but you, there's
ways to find out if someone's interested, if you're in a community, especially like
a singles community of some sort at your church, all right, people can very
discretion with a lot of discretion, find out, um, whether or not someone's
thinking about asking you out or if they just need encouragement to ask you out.
We have lots of love stories that happen that way.
Okay.
All right.
What time is it?
Y'all let me look.
All right.
So we have about seven minutes left.
This has really been great.
I love that Carla jumped in and gave us her praise report.
You guys, that was powerful.
I was powerful.
That's very supernatural.
I hope all of you really apply.
God doesn't love Carla more than he loves you.
Okay.
So if you have any situation in your life where you really need some breakthrough,
let's just go ahead and grab a hold of that testimony and say, God, do it again.
I know some of you have been discouraged.
Some of you have been in this community for, you know, some months now, and you
just haven't had that breakthrough.
You haven't had those dates.
You're looking at everyone else dating.
You're just like, Whoa, what, when's it going to happen to me?
I can tell you.
And I see that Renee Rizzo's on here too.
And she can tell you, and Aaron joy can tell you, cause she's
been around for a long time.
Um, and you guys, people that have been around for a long
time, I just want to tell you.
Aaron joy has had several serious relationships since she's been in this
group that just none of them turned into her spirit mate, you know, she
dated one guy for like, I don't know, nine months.
How long did you date him for?
Five.
Yeah.
So she had relationships and she grew through those relationships and she's
changed through those relationships.
And so, you know, the first person that you meet when you're in this group,
that you may even start dating and they may not be the person that you end up
marrying, but remember this community is powerful because we're here to help
you to not cut and run from something good.
We're here to help you to, you know, find out whether or not this person is who
you want to spend the rest of your life with.
And then even through our premarital course, you still have an opportunity
to change your mind on that or matchmakers and matchbreakers.
Um, but I really want to encourage you to stay in this community.
It's a safe place.
We have all kinds of amazing things coming up.
Um, we have all different types of retreats.
You guys, we mark your calendars.
Um, we have decided that the Austin conference and retreat.
So it's going to be, there's going to be a singles conference
and retreat in Austin in October.
So it's going to either be the third or fourth week of October.
So that weekend before Halloween week, I guess the 23rd, 24th, 25th, or the 15th,
16th and 17th, we're just looking at hotel availability right now.
We'll make that decision really soon, but it will be.
in October. So plan on coming. It's going to be a great time. There will be a VIP experience of that
say yes to the dress. For those of you ladies that want to go to the bridal boutique and you want to
try on the dress and you want to do the things, see yourself as the bride. We'll have that.
We're going to have a men's outing. Guys, make sure you mark your calendars to come because
there's going to be a whole men's event. The women will be off trying on dresses and the guys will
be out shooting things. I don't know what they're going to be doing, but they're going to be doing
something that bonds men together. I don't know what that looks like, but then we'll have a
conference as well with some special guest speakers, great music, lots of transformative
time together, and hopefully some matches. There will be a by invitation only event
sometime this year for my property. You guys know I have two and a half acres here in Austin
and I'm going to have a singles mixer at my property. There'll be some criteria to be
referred and invited to that event, but we're going to have several of them. If you don't get
invited to the first one, I'm sure you'll get invited to one of them. Also, you guys, Canada,
we're coming for you in June. We have a conference that we are planning for the western part of
Canada, Calgary, Alberta, that area, Edmonton, all that. We are coming to Canada, you guys,
and that's going to be exciting. Let's see what else I'm trying to think.
Possible that we have a Europe trip coming at the end of September, the middle of September,
I should say, for those of you. You guys, we still have one bed left for Cartagena,
so if you wanted to go to Columbia with us, that's a very small all-inclusive resort kind of retreat.
If you wanted to come, please email us right away. There's only one bed. That is women only.
It's going to be very transformative. You're going to have all kinds of spa experiences,
massage, this. We're going to take a boat to the Rosario Islands. We're going to wine and
dine and we're going to have transformative experiences. You're going to get some one-on-one
time with me, not group time, one-on-one time to talk about things and to get some heart upgrades
and all different types of fun things happening on that. I will actually be there with that group
of 10 women for that. You guys, we have a whole bunch of other things on the calendar. I have to
take a look at what that is, but it's not coming to my mind right now. You guys, on the app, the
one that's coming out right now, the one that was supposed to be out at the beginning of this week,
but guys, really pray. In fact, let's just pray right now. The Apple Store is not letting our
app get published because they hate it if they don't get 30% of your app. It takes them forever
to approve your app. You guys, that is what is gumming up the works. The app is done. It's ready
to go. Father, we just come together in agreement that that app is released in Jesus name. We thank
you, God, that we will have access to that app and that there'll be no more delay in Jesus name.
Okay. So another part of that app, you guys will be, there'll be a group for last trip single.
So when you get on the app, whatever group you're already in phase one, two, or three,
you can also join the last trip single app. And you can see all the time, what, what vacations
are being planned, what conferences, what retreats are available, and you can sign up right from that
group in the app. Okay. Cool. Hey Jackie. Yes. Is the app available on Android? Yes, it will be.
Am I lying Renee? You are not lying. It's going to be available on both and also on your desktop
computer too. So whichever way you want. So for those of you that don't want to use it on your
phone, you can just use it on your computer. All right. It'd be good. It'd be great. I know. I'm
so excited to you, Christine. I can't stand it. That's how excited I am. Okay. All right, y'all.
It's been great tonight. I hope that you feel empowered to go out there and to meet new people
and to make wise choices and to remember that, you know, red flags don't always look red.
They sometimes just look like people who, you know, are thoughtless and unaware and not willing
to change that part of them. And so, but that yellow flags always can turn green as well. So
it's important to have grace, truth, and time. It's important to continue guys,
before you go on dates, here's a pro tip. Before you go on a date, pray.
You know, you've already said yesterday. Cool. Great. Unless God says, don't go, which he's
probably not going to say that if you're already using wise. So don't think you're hearing God
say that because you're getting, you know, anxiety, relationship anxiety. But when you go
on the date, pray before you go and just say, Hey God, you know, let me see the gold in this person.
Let me see the good things.
is about this person.
And if this person's my spirit mate,
I pray that there would be enough of a connection.
You don't have to pray that you have a visceral attraction
that makes you want to jump over the table
and just kiss her face off, all right?
But you can pray that there's enough of an attraction,
enough of a, you know, what's an intrigue
that keeps you guys wanting to talk more and more and more,
that keeps you guys connected,
that there's a connection, all right?
You can pray that.
You can also pray that you're God-defended
and that if this is someone who's not safe for your life
in any way, shape, or form, relationally, emotionally,
physically, spiritually,
that there just won't be any reason to continue to go
and that they can kind of show those colors quickly, right?
Because in order for it to be an immediate no, y'all,
that person would have to really act up.
They'd have to really act up.
And I just want to let you know,
and gentlemen, I want to say this to the guys
that have come on here, you have an opportunity.
You have such a brilliant opportunity in this culture
that we're living in right now
to show women what Christian men,
true Christ-following men look like.
Because I'm not saying that you're scarce,
but I am saying that it's an awesome opportunity
for you to do that.
Because there are people, men,
that are flying underneath the banner of I'm a Christian
that are not following Christ in any way, shape, or form.
Okay?
And if I were you guys,
I wouldn't get upset about women saying like,
oh, the bad men and stuff.
Because if you're a good man,
then you should be just as upset
that there's that many men out there acting badly
because they're giving you a bad name.
Okay, they're giving men a bad name just in general.
And ladies, same goes for you.
If there's women out there that are manipulating
and they're doing all kinds of dark feminine stuff,
trying to get their way, we don't like that.
Because that is causing there to be a prejudice
against all women, right?
We don't want to be guilty until proven innocent.
And so gentlemen, one way that you can help
make women feel safe with you right from the very beginning
is to show them what it looks like to be a son of God.
Not in a churchy religious way, not in a judgmental way,
but in a way that they can immediately just kind of exhale
and know, okay, this guy has character.
Try to show that as soon as possible in your first message,
in your first phone call, FaceTime, your first meeting,
try to lead with that, okay?
And we can talk about what that looks like.
You guys, past sessions next week is,
let's talk about sex, baby.
It's gonna be all about sex
and every kind of sex you can think of
and all the things you need to know about sex.
And it will not be a co-ed session.
The men will be in their own session.
Ladies, we'll all be together.
No holds barred.
We're gonna really get into it
because a lot of you have been asking a lot of questions
that show me you don't know a lot about sex.
And so it's important that you learn those things.
And I'm not talking about the birds and the bees.
I'm talking about learning about what to expect,
what's out there, what you should expect
to have in a kingdom sexual relationship with your husband
and all the things that we need to do
to break free from porn culture.
It's not just if you watch porn or not,
we live in a porn infused culture
that is influencing the way men and women interact sexually.
And we have got to be the change
that we wanna see in the world, all right?
And so we're gonna talk about that.
As you know, your girl is not a prude.
And so if you are and you get offended,
then you might wanna listen to that and replay
cause we're gonna go all the way there, all right?
I'm looking forward to it.
Wait, when's the next Patsy again?
Tuesday, Thursday, or?
Hunter, you have a calendar in your group.
It's next Thursday, but if you forget,
just go and look in your guide section
and there's a calendar.
And you guys, this is what the app will get rid of.
It'll get rid of, hey, when's the next event?
And what's the link?
And I'm so excited.
All right, so love y'all.
We'll see you soon.
Bye everyone.