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Awesome.

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Okay, y'all, I'm so excited to be with you tonight.

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You know how I felt so bad last week, you know how I told you like, oh, Tuesday nights

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we can look scrappy together and you only need to look good when we're co-ed and then

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you got the surprise message that's like, hey, we're going to be in love seats, which

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means like you got to look good.

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So I am grateful for those of you that switched up and you got a taste of what it's like when

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Jackie's leaving love seats.

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It's always, she's always got some good teaching.

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And if you're brave and you're willing to get in the hot seat, then that's great too.

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And you learn a lot when you share a story and you'll learn a lot when you listen to

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other people talking about, y'all, we have a really good crowd tonight.

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I'm super excited.

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All right, let me open this up in prayer because we have some good topics and then I want you

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guys to wow me and excite me with all your updates and your questions.

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Father God, we just thank you so much that we have an opportunity to get together, that

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we get to partner with one another as we bring out everyone's love story that you have.

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And I just, I believe that there is a story for each woman on this call and who's listening

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and playback that you have a call and a purpose and it includes her being with her mate, because

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if she is here, it's because it's a desire of her heart and we trust and believe that

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you've placed that desire in her heart.

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And so we do not take it lightly that we get to walk with these beautiful women on their

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journey and we are going to be so excited to celebrate so many milestones with each

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woman and just, we lift all of this up in the precious name of Jesus.

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Amen.

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Okay.

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Housekeeping items.

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Okay.

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So remember if you are new to phase two and you just parked your way in here, it's a lot

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less homework than phase one.

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Like there's a lot more homework in phase one.

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There are only five videos.

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There's the kickoff that Jackie does, the love story accelerator.

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I believe in that.

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She kind of talks to you about a dating challenge and you guys, let me just say this right up

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front.

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If you are not ready to date, don't stink and date.

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Like it's really that easy.

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No one's making you do it.

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She put challenges out there because there are some women chomping at the bit.

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They hated that they had to go on a hiatus for five weeks and so they're ready to get

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back out there.

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But if you're like, yeah, I'm not ready.

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It's okay.

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Here's what I'm going to encourage all of you to do is still watch.

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Technically you're supposed to watch one video a week because these are not 20 minute videos.

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Like in the heart work in phase one, if you notice they were all like, there was 14 videos,

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but they were like 20 minute segments that were much shorter.

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The ones in phase two were all what we would call teaching series.

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And so they're like an hour long or they're an hour and 15 minutes long.

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So the goal is that you watch one, you take notes on it, you pray about it, and you see

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how God wants you to play that out for the week, how he wants you to show up for the

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week.

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And then you either on the roll call or in the news, um, the newsfeed, you kind of give

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us an update and tell us how it's going.

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Or you come here with your questions.

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Here's what I can tell you.

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If you are willing to, um, have fresh eyes, there's something that you can learn in every

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single video.

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So dating 101, you're like, well, what on earth is good about dating 101?

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Well dating 101 kind of talks to you guys about the levels of dating.

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What does it mean to be in level one friendship with everybody?

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Level two discovery dating, level three exclusive dating, level four is engagement, level five

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is marriage.

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And I don't know about y'all, but like I did a terrible job of, of even female friendships.

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Like I would like find a chick that I was like, oh my gosh, she's like my person.

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And I would vomit my life story on them and vice versa.

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So if you have boundary issues in dating, chances are you do that with family.

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You do that with coworkers and you do it with your friends.

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And so don't think of dating 101 as just, think about it all relationships.

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Then of course there's the divine feminine video, which I love.

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Um, Jackie talks about the seven attributes of what makes a divinely masculine man and

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the seven attributes that make somebody a divine feminine woman.

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If you come to the Monday morning prayer calls, we've been specifically praying into those

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specific attributes.

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And again, it's like, how can we show up and be more feminine?

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And if you are like me and you're kind of like a boss, babe, um, you don't know how

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to lower the volume on, uh, bringing in your softness without feeling like you have to

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be less than who you are and being smaller because you constantly were told you're just

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too much, you're too much.

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And I feel like Jackie impacts in a way, and I've really been able to test out and kind

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of master what does it mean to be feminine, especially when I'm alone with a man.

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Um, because my man loves that I'm a bad-ass, um, boss babe, except not when I'm one-on-one

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alone with him.

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Like he'll tease me every now and then he's like, okay, clinical Renee is coming out.

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And I'm like, dang her, you know, she just shows up without me expecting it.

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Um, so that's the next video.

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And then of course I do the online dating video.

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And even if you're like, there's no way I'm going to get back out there again, um, watch

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it anyway, because I give really good tips about how to talk to strangers.

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So if you're like, there's no way in heck I'm going to get online.

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I hate online, blah, blah, blah, fine, don't, but you're going to need to get yourself out

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there that all of us are going to marry the next door neighbor or the UPS guy.

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So we have to find ways to meet and mingle and flirt and talk to strangers.

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So we have to think about volunteer groups, meetup groups, athletic clubs.

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And there's a lot of cool ways to meet people.

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And let me see if all the different ways I thought of, I'll find it.

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Let's see.

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I'll find it when I get to my notes.

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Um, anyway, and then of course there's the boundaries video and you guys, it's the boundaries

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is not just Townsend and Cloud.

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Like I'm a big fan of the Townsend and Cloud boundary book.

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I read it back in the nineties when that book first came out and all of a sudden it's gotten

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a resurgent.

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It has a brand new cover.

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And so everyone's like, oh, have you heard about the new boundaries book?

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And I'm like, y'all like that book's been out for 30 years.

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Stop it.

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Um, but it's that good of a book.

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And so I would say if you watch the video, you'll see hints of that book, but I've also

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gotten a lot of other great training over the last 20 years.

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And so, um, there's some really good tactics for you to do and use for your family.

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So the goal is you watch all those videos, you figure out what God's trying to tell you

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and you practice it and you let us know how it's going.

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Um, sex talk tonight.

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Um, Tina, this, where did she mention that?

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Did she mention that in the prayer?

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The sex talk is, she must've mentioned it during prayer.

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I don't know.

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The sex talk is for phase three and it's Thursday night.

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Um, and I promise it will be taped and it will be in your portal for you guys to do

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it.

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Um, I just, I did a, I got, I got the wonderful honor of doing, um, Mel, hang on, girl, you've

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missed nothing.

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So just chill.

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I will explain it.

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So, um, I'm reviewing all of the five videos.

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So if you just came on, I'm reviewing all five videos that you should be watching in

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phase two.

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And I just mentioned the boundaries one.

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So they're all great videos.

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You want to work on all of them.

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You're all here at different levels.

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You all stay here.

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Now we'll say this, we don't want you rushing through phase two, but we don't want you like

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procrastinating in phase two.

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So if you've been here for two months or longer, you need to stink and get out and go join

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phase three.

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I love you, but you need to move on.

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Um, here's the thing.

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I don't care if you're not dating.

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There's plenty of people in phase three who aren't dating.

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It just means you're missing out on all the live events.

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That's what it means.

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And we're actually starting weekly check-ins.

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Um, yeah, it's Emily.

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Yes.

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You move on.

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The goal is to stay in phase two for four weeks.

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The goal is to watch one video week and to put into practice for that week, the video

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that you watched, come to the weekly check-in or put in the Facebook feed what you've learned

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from that.

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So you're typically in phase one for five weeks.

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You're typically in phase two for four.

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So by week nine or 10, you should be over in phase three until you get married basically.

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And there is no, there is no prerecorded content for phase three.

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So everyone always goes to phase three, like where's all the content?

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There is none.

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Phase three is all live.

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Like it's all live.

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Now there's, everything's always in replay, but everything is live.

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So there's not any prerecorded stuff for you to teaching for you to watch unless you want

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to catch up on the replays.

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Now there are some really good sessions that we did in January and February, and they will

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still be there in the replay for you all when you get there.

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So no FOMO, you're like, oh my gosh, I'm missing the sex talk.

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Jackie's doing a sex talk with moi on Thursday night, but y'all, we have sex talk here.

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We do.

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I mean, right.

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We talk about stuff.

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I know we all do.

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And you can ask me, I ran a clinic for 20 years.

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There's nothing that you can't ask me that I won't be happy to talk about.

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I will be happy to talk about anything with you.

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I am as blunt as Jackie is, but that sex talk will be in your report.

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It will be in the replay section.

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Hopefully by the time you guys, I mean, we've been saying this, you guys were so like, I'm

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so proud of the new app.

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Like it looks really good.

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Cheryl and I've been clicking around everything to make sure it's all working.

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We're supposed to hear back from Apple and everyone's like, well, if it's Apple, what

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about an Android?

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I don't know why, but for some reason, Apple's the holdup, which is a holdup for everybody.

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It's the holdup.

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Whether you have an Apple and Android, don't ask me why I don't understand the technology.

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behind it. But anyway, all right, let's see. You guys definitely respond to roll call.

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There are like 200 of you in phase two right now and maybe 40 people responded to the Sunday

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roll call. Really? Come on. You can like, if we're willing to respond to your roll call,

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you'd be willing to write one. I don't care if you had a crappy week, you had a great

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week, you just want to pow, whatever you need to do. Just catch up with us. Let us know

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how you're doing because what you guys say in the roll call actually determines what

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we say in this class. So if you're like, gosh, I wish we would talk about this and put it

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in the roll call, then we'll know that's what you want to talk about. Um, and then as soon

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as the community app is ready, y'all know y'all aren't going to miss the memo on it.

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So I promise you, we're going to let you know. All right. So here are some six quick content

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updates I wanted to remind you guys. And if you were on the prayer call, Jackie came on

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my prayer call Monday morning and she talked about momentum. And so I wanted to tell you,

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so the first bullet point that we saw just based on some comments is I wrote consistent

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actions and attitudes create healthy habits that will propel you in the long run. Y'all

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don't throw in the towel. So some of you are like, oh my gosh, I got back online dating.

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I'm getting off. It sucks. And you were on like two weeks. Stop it. Stop it. Two weeks.

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Now remember you're going into online dating with a new attitude. It's practice. Consider

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it practice for the dress rehearsal. You're like, I can't believe they're making me go

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back online. Whatever. Like unless you're meeting droves of single men everywhere you

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go and you've got plenty of opportunity to flirt and date, well then you keep doing that.

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But for me, I was not meeting single men in real life. So I had to resort to this and

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I'm so glad you guys, I did. I, well, a, I got a lot of free dinners out of it. B, I

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learned so much about myself and you know what? I had a chance to bless some really

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dweeby men that probably have not said that they've not been heard that they were like

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a nice guy in a really long time. So, um, yeah, Karen, it is hard to, um, it is hard.

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I mean, but it's going to give you practice. You guys, the better practice you get doing

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it online, you will get, then start getting better practice when you do it in person.

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And now like, I mean, I don't know, people are like, Renee, you're just such a flirt

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and I don't mean to be, but like, I've just gotten so used to making sure I look nice

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and talking to everybody that I can. And you know, just not staring at my phone. It'd be

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so much easier to just stare at my phone when I'm out and about. Okay. So consistent actions

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and attitudes, you guys do not give up, do not give up. So, but don't go into like, don't

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go in an online date or your first date going, Oh my gosh, I would have, like, what if he's

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the one? And I'm like, gosh, like, Oh my gosh, do not put that kind of stress on yourself.

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You are just getting to know folks. It will be a bonus. If one of the first guys you meet

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is your guy, like that's a bonus, but it doesn't happen for most people. Most of us have to

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kind of plow through some folks. And so, you know what? And I think I said this in the

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online video, really, you guys do not overanalyze why guys suddenly just stop talking to you.

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I used to want to know, I used to care. I used to want to have this analysis. I no longer

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care. I couldn't tell you how many guys have, there's been times I've been talking to like

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I, well, now I have a boyfriend, but I don't do this anymore. But I would have like eight

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or nine guys I was talking to and I would check my app and I'm like, huh, I guess he

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deleted me. He's gone. He's just gone. And you know what? I don't, it doesn't matter.

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Like it's not about you. Cause here's the thing, you guys, if he's deleting you before

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you've even met in person or really had a lengthy conversation, he's not deleting you.

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He doesn't know who you are, whatever. You know, maybe he found some other chick that

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he liked a little bit more. It's okay. Cause like sometimes that's going to happen to you

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guys. Sometimes you're going to like a guy, you're just not going to like them enough.

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You're going to like them, but you're not going to like them enough or you're going

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to like somebody else more. And you don't want to hang on to that other guy just cause

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you feel bad. So, you know, it's okay. Nobody wants to compromise. They all want it. We

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all want to find our best. Number two, lift all boats. So here's what I'm seeing happen.

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And if you're on here, I'm going to see if you're on here. Cause I'm going to call a

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couple of you out. Cause y'all have been whiny little women. Um, okay. If somebody gets on

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and they post something in Facebook and it's like, wah, wah, wah, right? We're going to

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let them whine for a second, but I want you to encourage one another and uplift. We're

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supposed to lift all boats. So what I don't want you to do in the chats is go, Oh my gosh,

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it totally sucks. Doesn't it? Like, I'm just so sick of it too. Like y'all, we don't want

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to be doing that. Like, we don't want to be bringing each other down. Like it is way

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too easy to bring someone down, then lift them up. And so, you know, my mama said, if

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you don't have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. Now, I mean, for truth,

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I want y'all to be honest about where you are, but if you're going to be sad or complain

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or whine, go for it, get it out of your system.

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But I want you to try to find a way to turn it around to like, you know what it totally blows right now

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I feel really rejected. I'm really sad

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but

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but I

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Trust God in this and it hasn't happened yet

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Yet, Bethany always has a say yet. It hasn't happened yet. We haven't had our story yet

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so I really want you to try to lift one another up and

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Encourage one another okay

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Number three have an open mind. I've already okay

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This is I was trying to talk about have an open mind about all of the videos that I was to check

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I'm sorry that you hear my dog whining in the back. It's like she's nocturnal

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She has slept and snored all day and now she's decided it's time to play

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But we're gonna ignore her have an open mind again

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I've already talked to you about this that watch all of the videos no matter where you're at in the dating. Okay, I

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Already talked about this too

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Don't jump into or out of online dating if you're not ready or if you haven't I will say this the second

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You've got a negative attitude and you're working the online dating like it's a job

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Take a pause. It is okay to take a pause. You will not miss your guy

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It is okay to only spend 10 minutes a day doing it you guys when I was working full-time

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I would spend like 20 minutes in the morning and that was it and I wouldn't get back on until at night and I would

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Just make sure I check in with the people that I was talking to delete a few like a few go on my day

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Because remember if you watch the online dating video your whole job is to use the online dating platform as a gateway to

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Conversation I do not stink around and text for five weeks with a guy heck to the no

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And I don't want you to give him out a Google number to do the same dang thing

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I want you to book a video date. You don't know how to do that. Watch the video

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So for there's like oh I give out a Google number why what why?

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Then they're just gonna start text you on the phone number like that's not getting you to the next level

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So don't do it. I mean you can have you can have a Google number if you want

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I'm just saying gets that video day. All right

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Go deeper on if I think if I'm gonna challenge you on anything during this age with the divine feminine

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I really want you to take a look internally and

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Really be praying into like again for the last six weeks

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We've been praying into each attribute of the divine feminine and so really take a week and go

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What does it mean for me to be a receiver? What does it mean for me to be a nurturer?

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How can I show up better as a nurturer not a caretaker?

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And so really ask the Lord how you may weigh in on that

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The other thing you really want to do is, you know guys are visual. They really just are right

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we just have to own that they are and

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It just means we always need to look our best. We need to make sure that we're getting enough rest you guys

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Everyone's always asking about skin care and makeup routines. Here's the best news I can give you about your skin

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sleep water

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If you are not getting enough sleep and you are not drinking enough water

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There is not makeup that can cover what y'all look like what I look like when we have bags under our eyes

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And we've not gotten enough sleep or enough water. So hydration water is free in this country still

293
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So you get yourself a little Brita if your water is crappy and you drink a ton of water

294
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I mean to like to the point you have to go to the bathroom all the time you drink a ton of water and you

295
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Make sure you get at least seven hours of sleep a night. You don't do those two things

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It doesn't matter what skincare you use and it doesn't matter what makeup you put on

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Like you guys I have like practically no makeup on right now. Somebody just asked me that recently

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Oh my gosh, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm getting sleep

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I'm drinking a ton of water and I'm eating whole foods and I feel like that has completely changed my skin

300
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But you know be fun be flirty if you're gonna like, okay

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Look, I got my little top knot going on

302
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So if you want to do the top knot thing because now that my hair is long enough. I'm all about the top knot

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You know how I make myself look more feminine

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I put big dangly earrings on and like maybe a cute little necklace and a cute top

305
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So I'm not saying you can't put the top knot on when you go out

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But you want to make sure you still look feminine

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Okay

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This is the last bullet point and then I'm gonna take all your questions and then I'm gonna see what's been going on in the

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Chat because I have no time to look at that yet

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Have grace for the men that you are meeting. Let me read what I wrote. They're all not taking the heart work

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We wish they would be but they're not

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They are they have not been getting guidelines and rules like you have so they don't know anything about the five levels of dating

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They don't know that you probably shouldn't be having sex too soon

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They probably know they don't know that you're not supposed to be kissing on the first date

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They may be doing it clunky or

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nerdy or

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Maybe a little too old-fashioned

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Maybe too southern maybe too weird. I don't know just meet them with some grace

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It is not your job though to teach them

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how to do the hard work.

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So you guys, when you're first meeting guys online,

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it is, don't school them, don't teach them,

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just model what's acceptable for you.

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That's how you subtly teach them.

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You don't wanna talk after 10 p.m.,

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don't return a text after 10 p.m.

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You don't wanna have personal conversations by text,

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don't answer those questions by text.

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You just say, that's a great question,

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I'd be happy to answer that on a video chat.

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Or if they wanna keep talking,

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hey, you know what,

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I'm really looking to meet somebody in real life,

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so I don't really wanna keep texting or video chatting

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if you don't see us getting together for coffee.

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Whatever you want for your boundaries,

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you set them without telling him

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he needs to set the boundaries.

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You model the boundaries, and if he's a good man,

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he will follow your boundaries.

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If he's a bad man, he's unhealthy man,

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he's going to bust your boundaries.

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And that's not a good guy.

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Okay, so now I'm going to take off,

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I'm gonna go slide through here.

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I just wanna make sure I got to everything.

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Emily, you had asked, when do we move into phase three?

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You will get an email when you watch the last video,

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it triggers, just like it did when you finished phase one.

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And so if you vomit all four videos in one week,

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which we don't recommend,

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even if you watch that last video,

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you're gonna get an email trigger that says,

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hey, you're ready for phase three.

355
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I will tell you this,

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we're gonna deny your entrance into phase three

357
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if you try to bang it out in one week,

358
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or we're gonna want you to park yourself here

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for a couple of weeks at least.

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But you will get an email.

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So say you ignore that email

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because you plowed through it too fast.

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If it's like two, three, four weeks in,

364
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or you're past that, you're at the five, six week mark,

365
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you just email us at admin at JackieDurham.com

366
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and we will help you get to the next phase.

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Why do you tell us to start the dating challenge,

368
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but then tell us to wait and watch the videos

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only one per week?

370
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Okay, Karen, let me explain that.

371
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So you can start the dating challenge right away.

372
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No one said don't start dating.

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The only people that we have said to pause on dating

374
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until you watch all the videos

375
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are people who feel very out of practice,

376
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who feel very insecure, who are afraid of online dating,

377
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who've never done it before,

378
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and they're still dealing with heartwork stuff.

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We want them to take a chance

380
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and work on the videos each week.

381
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Now you can start dating at each week, for sure.

382
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But if you're gonna ask a lot of online dating questions

383
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and or you're freaking out a lot,

384
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we might say, hey, based on what you're asking,

385
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you might wanna press pause on that.

386
00:22:42.760 --> 00:22:44.740
But there's a lot of things you can do

387
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to accelerate your story.

388
00:22:46.340 --> 00:22:50.080
So, but I need the videos to do it right.

389
00:22:50.080 --> 00:22:52.680
Well, okay, I feel you.

390
00:22:54.820 --> 00:22:56.340
That's a good question, Karen.

391
00:22:57.160 --> 00:22:59.460
You know, start with, I mean,

392
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yeah, I mean, you know you, Karen.

393
00:23:05.040 --> 00:23:08.120
I mean, look, you guys, you're all adult women here.

394
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If you can handle watching all, here's the thing,

395
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here's what some people have done.

396
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Some people have watched all four videos in the first week.

397
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Then they go back and go like, okay, I'm gonna,

398
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and so they watch them all to glean enough information

399
00:23:24.500 --> 00:23:26.460
to get their online profile done,

400
00:23:26.460 --> 00:23:28.780
to kind of get back out there meeting people.

401
00:23:28.780 --> 00:23:30.700
And then they take the next few weeks

402
00:23:30.700 --> 00:23:32.980
to start unpacking one video at a time.

403
00:23:32.980 --> 00:23:34.560
So that's another option,

404
00:23:34.560 --> 00:23:38.580
is that you can fly through the videos quickly in a week,

405
00:23:38.580 --> 00:23:42.060
but then really start to unpack them one a week

406
00:23:42.060 --> 00:23:45.120
while you're kind of fleshing out the details.

407
00:23:45.120 --> 00:23:48.860
So it's really, I mean, you're all grown women.

408
00:23:48.860 --> 00:23:50.420
And so the only thing I'm gonna say to you

409
00:23:50.480 --> 00:23:53.400
is if you inhale all the videos very quickly,

410
00:23:54.240 --> 00:23:56.800
then take the next few weeks to really process them.

411
00:23:56.800 --> 00:23:58.920
And here's what's probably gonna happen, you guys.

412
00:23:58.920 --> 00:24:02.200
You're gonna watch that online video or the boundaries one,

413
00:24:02.200 --> 00:24:04.280
and you're gonna be like, all right, that's totally cool.

414
00:24:04.280 --> 00:24:06.200
But then you're gonna start dating somebody

415
00:24:06.200 --> 00:24:07.900
and it's gonna be really different

416
00:24:07.900 --> 00:24:09.880
than when you're just watching it to learn.

417
00:24:09.880 --> 00:24:12.160
You're gonna be like, wait, I don't know how to do this.

418
00:24:12.160 --> 00:24:13.840
Like you guys, in phase three,

419
00:24:13.840 --> 00:24:15.620
people have been there two years,

420
00:24:15.620 --> 00:24:17.680
literally start becoming bozos

421
00:24:17.680 --> 00:24:18.760
with the online dating thing

422
00:24:18.760 --> 00:24:20.360
and they start making old mistakes

423
00:24:21.200 --> 00:24:22.040
and we're like, you know what?

424
00:24:22.040 --> 00:24:23.580
Go back to the boundaries video.

425
00:24:23.580 --> 00:24:25.940
Go back to the dating 101 video

426
00:24:25.940 --> 00:24:27.340
because you've not watched it in a while.

427
00:24:27.340 --> 00:24:28.740
Go back to the basics.

428
00:24:28.740 --> 00:24:30.560
So no matter what phase you're in,

429
00:24:30.560 --> 00:24:32.700
you're always gonna have access to the content

430
00:24:32.700 --> 00:24:34.820
that you have in your arsenal.

431
00:24:34.820 --> 00:24:36.940
And if you're not dating anybody right now,

432
00:24:36.940 --> 00:24:40.300
you can only practice it so much.

433
00:24:40.300 --> 00:24:41.600
Like now that I have a boyfriend,

434
00:24:41.600 --> 00:24:45.140
I'm practicing boundaries and divine feminine

435
00:24:45.140 --> 00:24:46.780
in ways I never did single.

436
00:24:46.780 --> 00:24:48.220
Like it's completely different now.

437
00:24:48.220 --> 00:24:49.620
So even I'm going back to the videos,

438
00:24:49.620 --> 00:24:51.680
go, oh my gosh, wait, how am I supposed to do this?

439
00:24:51.680 --> 00:24:53.760
Like, I gotta compromise.

440
00:24:53.760 --> 00:24:55.060
Like, I gotta compromise.

441
00:24:55.060 --> 00:24:57.240
Like, I totally thought I wanted a boyfriend,

442
00:24:57.240 --> 00:24:58.760
but oh my gosh, I gotta compromise.

443
00:24:58.760 --> 00:25:00.360
Like y'all, I totally thought.

444
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:00.920
but I wanted a boyfriend,

445
00:25:00.920 --> 00:25:02.220
but I've been single my whole life.

446
00:25:02.220 --> 00:25:03.920
And so I'm realizing there are some things

447
00:25:03.920 --> 00:25:08.280
I'm gonna have to let go of that I did not realize.

448
00:25:08.280 --> 00:25:10.880
And I should have known, how did I not know?

449
00:25:10.880 --> 00:25:12.480
Anyway, I'm gonna keep going.

450
00:25:12.480 --> 00:25:13.920
Let's see.

451
00:25:13.920 --> 00:25:16.080
Yes, so Bridget, I answered your question.

452
00:25:16.080 --> 00:25:18.600
And even on the new app, you guys,

453
00:25:18.600 --> 00:25:20.360
so here's the thing, right now,

454
00:25:20.360 --> 00:25:21.960
you're getting all your content

455
00:25:21.960 --> 00:25:24.640
at the Jackie Dorman site housed by Kajabi,

456
00:25:24.640 --> 00:25:26.020
which you don't care that it's Kajabi,

457
00:25:26.020 --> 00:25:30.000
but it's over there, and we're on community over here.

458
00:25:30.000 --> 00:25:32.660
In the app, it's gonna be one,

459
00:25:32.660 --> 00:25:36.220
you're gonna be in a phase, one tab for the community,

460
00:25:36.220 --> 00:25:39.820
one tab for the curriculum, one tab for the replays,

461
00:25:39.820 --> 00:25:42.740
one tab for the Zoom links, all right there.

462
00:25:42.740 --> 00:25:44.240
But once you get to phase three,

463
00:25:44.240 --> 00:25:46.500
you're still gonna be able to see phase one,

464
00:25:46.500 --> 00:25:48.200
phase two, and phase three.

465
00:25:48.200 --> 00:25:51.300
So you can pop back in to get to that content

466
00:25:51.300 --> 00:25:53.540
in our community at any given time.

467
00:25:53.540 --> 00:25:55.660
So it's super easy.

468
00:25:55.660 --> 00:25:59.900
How do you get in the, it's the roll call.

469
00:25:59.900 --> 00:26:02.700
I mean, I probably sounded way too Yankee when I said that.

470
00:26:02.700 --> 00:26:06.700
So every Sunday, we will send out a post that says,

471
00:26:06.700 --> 00:26:07.840
how are you guys doing?

472
00:26:07.840 --> 00:26:10.020
So there's, we call it a weekly roll call,

473
00:26:10.020 --> 00:26:12.260
just like when you're in school, it's a roll call,

474
00:26:12.260 --> 00:26:13.420
how's everyone doing?

475
00:26:13.420 --> 00:26:16.580
So on Sundays, there will be a post every Sunday that,

476
00:26:16.580 --> 00:26:18.420
and it's in all three phases.

477
00:26:18.420 --> 00:26:19.660
How are you guys doing this week?

478
00:26:19.660 --> 00:26:20.480
What are your wins?

479
00:26:20.480 --> 00:26:22.100
And so you give an update,

480
00:26:22.100 --> 00:26:25.460
and then one of the coaches will respond to it.

481
00:26:26.220 --> 00:26:27.580
So it is, Sarah Bradley,

482
00:26:27.580 --> 00:26:29.620
it is on the Facebook community page

483
00:26:29.620 --> 00:26:32.120
while we're still stuck in Facebook for community.

484
00:26:32.120 --> 00:26:35.500
So all the content right now is at the Jackie Dorman site.

485
00:26:35.500 --> 00:26:37.860
All the community is in your Facebook page.

486
00:26:37.860 --> 00:26:39.920
That's where the community happens.

487
00:26:40.900 --> 00:26:42.780
And so it's a post in Facebook,

488
00:26:42.780 --> 00:26:44.740
and it's always in the featured at the top,

489
00:26:44.740 --> 00:26:46.140
which I know if you have an Android,

490
00:26:46.140 --> 00:26:47.860
you don't always see the featured.

491
00:26:47.860 --> 00:26:48.820
So you're gonna have to do a dig,

492
00:26:48.820 --> 00:26:50.260
a little dig in to get to it.

493
00:26:50.620 --> 00:26:54.140
Um, let's see.

494
00:26:54.140 --> 00:26:58.140
I've had, yep, we totally understand.

495
00:26:58.140 --> 00:27:01.180
Google number after the first date if you wanna continue.

496
00:27:01.180 --> 00:27:04.340
Oh, yeah, so I'm a hugger.

497
00:27:04.340 --> 00:27:05.760
Okay, all right.

498
00:27:05.760 --> 00:27:08.140
You guys, okay, the hug and think.

499
00:27:08.140 --> 00:27:11.440
Okay, let me tell you something about the hug and think.

500
00:27:11.440 --> 00:27:13.820
If you've ever been to a 12-step meeting,

501
00:27:13.820 --> 00:27:17.740
12-step people know to ask for permission before they hug

502
00:27:17.740 --> 00:27:21.500
because they know a lot of people have trauma around touch.

503
00:27:21.500 --> 00:27:23.120
People have been sexually assaulted.

504
00:27:23.120 --> 00:27:25.380
People have been inappropriately touched.

505
00:27:25.380 --> 00:27:27.300
People have been over-sexualized,

506
00:27:27.300 --> 00:27:28.820
sometimes by a family member,

507
00:27:28.820 --> 00:27:31.460
sometimes by a teacher, sometimes by a coach.

508
00:27:31.460 --> 00:27:34.140
And you guys, I come from a big Italian family.

509
00:27:34.140 --> 00:27:36.540
Physical touch is my love language.

510
00:27:36.540 --> 00:27:41.540
However, I am not comfortable touching strangers right away.

511
00:27:42.060 --> 00:27:44.700
It makes me immediately uncomfortable.

512
00:27:44.700 --> 00:27:47.740
It literally puts the hair on the back of my neck up.

513
00:27:47.740 --> 00:27:51.660
So I love physical touch with people I know.

514
00:27:51.660 --> 00:27:54.140
I do not like physical touch with people I don't know.

515
00:27:54.140 --> 00:27:56.280
And there's nothing more scary for me

516
00:27:56.280 --> 00:27:59.140
than when someone comes charging at me

517
00:27:59.140 --> 00:28:01.020
and they're like, oh my gosh, do you like hugs?

518
00:28:01.020 --> 00:28:02.540
I like hugs, I'm a hugger.

519
00:28:02.540 --> 00:28:05.060
And they like, hug me.

520
00:28:05.060 --> 00:28:08.740
And like, they don't let me have a say in the hug.

521
00:28:08.740 --> 00:28:13.060
So don't assume everyone likes to be hugged.

522
00:28:13.060 --> 00:28:15.460
So, and if shaking somebody's hand

523
00:28:15.460 --> 00:28:16.860
just feels really weird for you.

524
00:28:16.860 --> 00:28:18.860
Like, I'm a big fan of reaching out

525
00:28:18.860 --> 00:28:20.020
to give somebody handshake.

526
00:28:20.020 --> 00:28:22.560
But if they're like, oh, I'd like a hug.

527
00:28:22.560 --> 00:28:26.780
If I get enough warning, I'm gonna give you the side hug.

528
00:28:26.780 --> 00:28:29.660
Like, or like a little hug like this.

529
00:28:29.660 --> 00:28:33.540
Just know, like, y'all are laughing at me.

530
00:28:33.540 --> 00:28:35.540
Like, you know, it's like,

531
00:28:35.540 --> 00:28:37.140
haven't y'all ever been hugged

532
00:28:37.140 --> 00:28:38.840
by the creepy old man at church?

533
00:28:38.840 --> 00:28:39.680
And you're like, no,

534
00:28:39.680 --> 00:28:41.420
he's just getting a boob squeeze right now.

535
00:28:41.420 --> 00:28:44.500
I'm just sorry, I just like, just went there, but he did.

536
00:28:45.500 --> 00:28:48.920
So I would say, if you are naturally a hugger,

537
00:28:48.920 --> 00:28:50.820
just say, hey, is it okay if we hug?

538
00:28:50.820 --> 00:28:55.820
But don't be, don't take it personal if they side hug you

539
00:28:56.400 --> 00:28:58.360
or they give you a hand instead.

540
00:28:58.360 --> 00:29:00.540
Sometimes it's just culture too, you guys.

541
00:29:00.540 --> 00:29:03.420
Like Italians, I mean, I know, like we,

542
00:29:03.420 --> 00:29:05.860
different cultures feel differently about hugs.

543
00:29:05.860 --> 00:29:10.220
And so that's how I'll answer the hugging thing.

544
00:29:10.220 --> 00:29:13.020
Just, just be, just pay attention.

545
00:29:13.020 --> 00:29:15.580
How do we get to mingle or meet up with guys

546
00:29:15.580 --> 00:29:17.160
in Jackie's program doing the heart work?

547
00:29:17.160 --> 00:29:19.100
I would wanna hook up with one of them.

548
00:29:20.980 --> 00:29:22.100
Is there somebody, Dawn,

549
00:29:22.100 --> 00:29:24.980
is there somebody in phase three that you already know about

550
00:29:24.980 --> 00:29:26.180
that you wanna like meet?

551
00:29:26.180 --> 00:29:28.500
Otherwise, cause if you do, you can just go,

552
00:29:28.500 --> 00:29:31.380
he's on Facebook because if he's in phase,

553
00:29:31.380 --> 00:29:34.780
if he's in the men's program, he has to be on Facebook too.

554
00:29:34.780 --> 00:29:36.180
So you can find him on Facebook.

555
00:29:36.180 --> 00:29:39.300
It's gonna be much easier for y'all to find each other

556
00:29:39.300 --> 00:29:40.820
once you're in phase three on the app,

557
00:29:40.820 --> 00:29:42.180
you're gonna be able to,

558
00:29:42.180 --> 00:29:45.180
it's gonna be a lot easier for you to find each other.

559
00:29:45.180 --> 00:29:47.460
Right now you have to kind of swim through Facebook,

560
00:29:47.460 --> 00:29:48.400
but once you're on the app,

561
00:29:48.400 --> 00:29:50.060
it's gonna be a lot easier to find each other.

562
00:29:50.060 --> 00:29:51.620
Here's how people do it though.

563
00:29:51.620 --> 00:29:53.820
Once you're in phase three,

564
00:29:53.820 --> 00:29:55.820
well, technically you guys, you see the men,

565
00:29:55.820 --> 00:30:00.820
technically not all of them show up, but men are horrible.

566
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:06.780
They're going to be much more likely to show up at the live events, but Faith Friday's

567
00:30:06.780 --> 00:30:11.960
Supernatural Sunday, Saturday, Sunday Activation, men are on all three.

568
00:30:11.960 --> 00:30:16.480
If you see a guy on there like, I want to get to know him, drop a dang hanky then, like

569
00:30:16.480 --> 00:30:20.320
screenshot his name and then go find him on Facebook.

570
00:30:20.320 --> 00:30:25.640
And chances are he's going to have a mutual friend of Jackie Dorman or David Dorman, and

571
00:30:25.640 --> 00:30:27.560
he's going to be a member of 1822.

572
00:30:27.560 --> 00:30:32.480
So that's the easiest ways to just slip something in his DM and say, Hey, I noticed you're on

573
00:30:32.480 --> 00:30:33.480
Supernatural Saturday.

574
00:30:33.480 --> 00:30:36.840
I don't really know anything about you except you kind of caught my eye.

575
00:30:36.840 --> 00:30:40.480
I would love to, you know, do Facebook messenger for 10 minutes.

576
00:30:40.480 --> 00:30:44.960
I will say this, when I'm trying to drop the hanky with somebody in phase three or in the

577
00:30:44.960 --> 00:30:49.320
men's program, I do not start a text exchange, but some do.

578
00:30:49.320 --> 00:30:51.080
Some of the men don't like starting with it.

579
00:30:51.080 --> 00:30:52.080
You got to figure it out.

580
00:30:52.080 --> 00:30:54.400
Like, Hey, I would love to chat with you.

581
00:30:54.400 --> 00:30:58.280
Do you want to start with texting or are you up for a video chat?

582
00:30:58.280 --> 00:31:00.160
You let me know what you feel comfortable with.

583
00:31:00.160 --> 00:31:02.760
So you kind of put the ball in his court.

584
00:31:02.760 --> 00:31:06.920
Because I have since learned from some of the men in the program, they are freaked out

585
00:31:06.920 --> 00:31:08.360
by jumping to a video.

586
00:31:08.360 --> 00:31:10.080
Some of them, some of them.

587
00:31:10.080 --> 00:31:12.360
So I was like, Oh my gosh, I've been asking for that the whole time.

588
00:31:12.360 --> 00:31:14.600
I didn't know that scared some of the men away.

589
00:31:14.600 --> 00:31:17.100
So I would say, Hey, do you want to chit chat?

590
00:31:17.100 --> 00:31:19.120
Would you like to chit chat for a bit?

591
00:31:19.120 --> 00:31:20.820
Or would you be open to a video?

592
00:31:20.820 --> 00:31:22.900
Either one is fine with me to start.

593
00:31:22.900 --> 00:31:25.180
Either one is fine with me to start.

594
00:31:25.180 --> 00:31:28.380
And then if you don't hear from them, you kind of have to let it go.

595
00:31:28.380 --> 00:31:31.980
That's like you've dropped the hanky and you have to kind of let it go.

596
00:31:31.980 --> 00:31:33.740
Do we break out in rooms?

597
00:31:33.740 --> 00:31:37.780
I have, this is my first, Oh no, we don't.

598
00:31:37.780 --> 00:31:42.340
We don't break out because you guys ask me really good, fun questions and everyone likes

599
00:31:42.340 --> 00:31:44.380
to hear the answers.

600
00:31:44.380 --> 00:31:45.380
Okay.

601
00:31:45.380 --> 00:31:52.260
If a guy put his phone number on his profile, Oh no, no.

602
00:31:52.620 --> 00:31:55.060
Yeah, no, I don't give out phone numbers.

603
00:31:55.060 --> 00:31:56.380
I don't start, but okay.

604
00:31:56.380 --> 00:32:00.060
So online, and I'll say this, I'll, I don't want to get too far in the weeds on online

605
00:32:00.060 --> 00:32:06.660
dating here, but I, I only give, I always start with what I call the resume information,

606
00:32:06.660 --> 00:32:10.320
the basic stuff that you want somebody to know about you that you don't care if anybody

607
00:32:10.320 --> 00:32:11.580
knows about you.

608
00:32:11.580 --> 00:32:14.180
I always, so if somebody right away says, Hey, can we talk?

609
00:32:14.180 --> 00:32:17.980
I always say, Hey, do you mind if we get through the basics first?

610
00:32:17.980 --> 00:32:20.580
Let's just learn a little bit about each other.

611
00:32:20.580 --> 00:32:21.700
That's very sweet.

612
00:32:21.700 --> 00:32:23.220
Let's just start with the basics.

613
00:32:23.220 --> 00:32:25.580
And if they're like, well, I'm never on this app.

614
00:32:25.580 --> 00:32:27.460
I just prefer phone number.

615
00:32:27.460 --> 00:32:28.460
Awesome.

616
00:32:28.460 --> 00:32:29.460
I do too.

617
00:32:29.460 --> 00:32:31.340
I just want to start with the basics.

618
00:32:31.340 --> 00:32:34.260
If they're not willing to do that, I'm done.

619
00:32:34.260 --> 00:32:37.620
So I'm always going to ask for the basic information.

620
00:32:37.620 --> 00:32:40.820
Like you know, I want to know like, like where do they have a job?

621
00:32:40.820 --> 00:32:41.860
Where do they live?

622
00:32:41.860 --> 00:32:43.020
What do they like to do?

623
00:32:43.020 --> 00:32:44.420
What are some of their interests?

624
00:32:44.420 --> 00:32:47.420
You know, very, very basic stuff.

625
00:32:47.420 --> 00:32:49.500
And then if they say, well, how about a phone call now?

626
00:32:49.500 --> 00:32:50.500
Then I say, you know what?

627
00:32:50.500 --> 00:32:52.940
I prefer to start with a quick video chat.

628
00:32:52.940 --> 00:32:57.060
I feel like when you're first getting to know somebody you've never met in real life, it's

629
00:32:57.060 --> 00:33:01.540
not only good to hear their voice for tone and inflection, but it's really good to see

630
00:33:01.540 --> 00:33:03.780
them as well for body language.

631
00:33:03.780 --> 00:33:08.300
So I don't usually do phone calls until after I've done a video chat with you.

632
00:33:08.300 --> 00:33:09.300
That's me.

633
00:33:09.300 --> 00:33:10.300
I'm very strict about it.

634
00:33:10.300 --> 00:33:12.460
I've had plenty of dates.

635
00:33:12.460 --> 00:33:19.180
So yes, I've, I've been called very mean things by some men who've like, fine, bye bye.

636
00:33:19.860 --> 00:33:22.300
Because if he's a gentleman, he's going to want me to feel comfortable.

637
00:33:22.300 --> 00:33:23.860
So it's not about him being comfortable.

638
00:33:23.860 --> 00:33:25.340
It's about me being comfortable.

639
00:33:25.340 --> 00:33:27.700
That's because Jackie always talks about the three Ms.

640
00:33:27.700 --> 00:33:31.900
We want to find a man who is masculine, mature, and marriage minded.

641
00:33:31.900 --> 00:33:36.520
If he is masculine, mature, and marriage minded, he is going to let you lead.

642
00:33:36.520 --> 00:33:39.740
He's going to want you to feel safe and comfortable.

643
00:33:39.740 --> 00:33:43.140
So you did the right thing.

644
00:33:43.140 --> 00:33:44.860
Two years, aren't they married yet?

645
00:33:44.860 --> 00:33:47.700
Who are you talking about two years?

646
00:33:48.700 --> 00:33:55.820
I will say this, you guys, not everybody is in this program to get married in less than

647
00:33:55.820 --> 00:33:57.980
12 months.

648
00:33:57.980 --> 00:34:02.980
I think there's a lot of people who have been divorced, who have been widowed, and who have

649
00:34:02.980 --> 00:34:08.780
been single for a very long time, and they haven't dated healthy in a really long time.

650
00:34:08.780 --> 00:34:11.420
And so they want to start practicing dating.

651
00:34:11.420 --> 00:34:13.400
They want to get all their relationships right.

652
00:34:13.400 --> 00:34:14.780
They want to get their health right.

653
00:34:14.780 --> 00:34:16.179
They want to lose weight.

654
00:34:16.179 --> 00:34:18.440
They want to get their job secure.

655
00:34:18.440 --> 00:34:24.580
So women come into the program in all different phases of their life, and they're not here

656
00:34:24.580 --> 00:34:26.540
to just get a man.

657
00:34:26.540 --> 00:34:31.179
Now I will say some of the people that leave the most disappointed literally only came

658
00:34:31.179 --> 00:34:32.480
here for one reason.

659
00:34:32.480 --> 00:34:34.040
They didn't want to get healthy.

660
00:34:34.040 --> 00:34:35.620
They didn't want to improve their life.

661
00:34:35.620 --> 00:34:40.620
They just wanted to find a man, and they wanted to get married as fast as possible.

662
00:34:40.620 --> 00:34:45.920
I will be very worried if that's your only goal, because I will worry that you're going

663
00:34:45.920 --> 00:34:49.719
to think that getting married is going to fix all of the other stuff.

664
00:34:49.719 --> 00:34:54.199
And so some people in this program, you know, want to look at all of their stuff.

665
00:34:54.199 --> 00:34:58.880
And some people date a lot, and or date a really good person, and they might get to

666
00:34:58.880 --> 00:35:00.040
level three, and it might

667
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.200
be serious. But 10 months later, they break up and then they need to take a pause because they're

668
00:35:05.200 --> 00:35:10.720
hurt from the breakup. Even though maybe they found a good person, just wasn't their person.

669
00:35:10.720 --> 00:35:16.400
And you guys, it takes a really brave person to break up at level three, maybe six, 10 months in,

670
00:35:16.400 --> 00:35:19.280
because you feel all this pressure in this program. Like, oh my gosh, everyone's getting

671
00:35:19.280 --> 00:35:22.800
married. Everyone's getting married. I got to get married. No, we want you to marry the right

672
00:35:22.800 --> 00:35:28.720
person. Jackie will say that she's a matchbreaker as much as she's a matchmaker. Within a year,

673
00:35:28.720 --> 00:35:33.600
I was at a level three pre-marriage class with somebody. And you guys, I was one of the eight

674
00:35:33.600 --> 00:35:39.520
couples that did not last all eight sessions of Simbis. We got knocked out. We got knocked out.

675
00:35:40.480 --> 00:35:44.960
We just learned enough that we were like, hey, you're a good person, but we want different

676
00:35:44.960 --> 00:35:51.680
things. And so what will happen is if you break up, you might break up much more healthy than

677
00:35:51.680 --> 00:35:59.120
you've ever broken up before. So hopefully that helps you with that. And yeah, some people stay

678
00:35:59.120 --> 00:36:02.000
all the way until marriage. We can't even kick out some of the married people. They're like,

679
00:36:02.000 --> 00:36:07.360
I just love it so much. So we are actually creating a married group for the married

680
00:36:07.360 --> 00:36:11.600
people so they can get out of our room. I'm sweating them out. I like it, but I'm kidding.

681
00:36:11.600 --> 00:36:16.560
Okay. So enough questions in the chat. Evangeline, you are up first. So you go.

682
00:36:17.280 --> 00:36:25.280
Yeah. I have a question. I posted in my roll call that like, so the context is I'm seeing a few

683
00:36:25.280 --> 00:36:36.320
people online for phase two. And also I'm getting to know a few more guys at church. And I feel like

684
00:36:36.320 --> 00:36:41.360
the guys at church, because I know them and there's no context of like, we are meeting on the

685
00:36:41.360 --> 00:36:51.680
app that's triggering more of my anxious side. And I would love any practical tips that you can

686
00:36:51.680 --> 00:36:57.040
give because online it's like, everybody's there to, you know, hopefully meet someone romantically.

687
00:36:57.040 --> 00:37:06.160
Whereas at church, it's like, you don't know. You don't know. Okay. That's good. Well, so fair

688
00:37:06.160 --> 00:37:11.120
enough. And so when are you, are these people that you're just kind of chitchatting with and

689
00:37:11.120 --> 00:37:17.840
you're trying to see if you can have alone time with them? These people that I have been chitchatting

690
00:37:17.840 --> 00:37:24.160
with at church slash texting. And there's like some context of maybe one-on-one hangout, like

691
00:37:24.160 --> 00:37:31.520
go see live music, getting lunch. So it's, it's a little bit like the, the intention is not super

692
00:37:31.600 --> 00:37:42.000
clear. Yeah. Yeah. Have you, so here, so I'm all for, I'm all for being clear. So say Peter,

693
00:37:42.000 --> 00:37:48.000
I'm just making his name up, you are texting, just say, Hey Peter, hey, let's like pick something to

694
00:37:48.000 --> 00:37:52.160
do where you can actually have conversation. So watching a movie is not going to do that.

695
00:37:52.160 --> 00:37:57.280
So that's not going to help you at all. So like, Hey, you know what, would you be up for going

696
00:37:57.280 --> 00:38:03.040
ex-throwing with me or something like, let's go hang out. And then when you're with them in person,

697
00:38:03.040 --> 00:38:07.120
then you can start to ask what I would consider just to like, Oh, so tell me about, tell me a

698
00:38:07.120 --> 00:38:10.960
little bit about where you're at in your life. Like, where are you at with your career? Where

699
00:38:10.960 --> 00:38:16.880
are you at with your friendships? Like, are you looking to date? Like you make it one of a few

700
00:38:16.880 --> 00:38:23.040
questions you're asking about the stage of life that they're in and you start with their career

701
00:38:23.040 --> 00:38:27.760
because that feels safe. And then you can kind of start like, Oh, like, so you're in your 20s or

702
00:38:27.760 --> 00:38:32.720
you've left college, you've just moved. Are you, are you having an easy time finding your friends,

703
00:38:32.720 --> 00:38:38.640
like finding your people? Oh, well, what's it like dating? Are you, have you kind of started dating?

704
00:38:38.640 --> 00:38:44.240
You know? So, and then if they say, well, yeah, because sometimes right away they might say,

705
00:38:44.240 --> 00:38:47.760
you know what, I'm not dating right now. I'm just kind of not in that space. Then you're like, okay,

706
00:38:47.760 --> 00:38:52.000
don't got, got my answer. But they're like, yeah, I'm dating. And just say, you can even just say,

707
00:38:52.000 --> 00:38:55.200
Hey, well, do you mind me asking what you, you know, what you're looking for?

708
00:38:56.320 --> 00:39:02.800
And then if they say something and it sounds like, and I will say this, usually by then

709
00:39:03.760 --> 00:39:08.240
men are pretty, like if you're getting any hint that there might be something there

710
00:39:09.200 --> 00:39:15.440
and you can just say, Hey, you know what? This may sound a little forward, but you know what?

711
00:39:15.440 --> 00:39:20.080
I've really enjoyed, you know, getting to know you today and had a lot of fun. And if you just

712
00:39:20.080 --> 00:39:24.240
want to be friends, I'm totally down with that. But if you want to hang out again and just

713
00:39:25.120 --> 00:39:29.280
see where this could go, I'm open to that too. But really, I am okay too,

714
00:39:29.280 --> 00:39:33.200
if you just want to be friends. I just thought I would ask and kind of put myself out there.

715
00:39:34.160 --> 00:39:40.240
Now, is that awkward? Is it uncomfortable? Yeah, it is. But it may be the only way you're

716
00:39:40.240 --> 00:39:45.600
going to find out for sure, because it is so hard for men today, you guys, like

717
00:39:46.160 --> 00:39:54.720
women are friendly, but aloof. And, you know, men are, you know, men are being accused of a

718
00:39:54.720 --> 00:39:58.880
lot of stuff right now. And so they don't know if they're supposed to open the door for you.

719
00:39:58.880 --> 00:39:59.840
They don't know if they're supposed to.

720
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.520
ask you out, they don't know if you're just being polite.

721
00:40:03.520 --> 00:40:06.680
And so sometimes you just have to toss it out there.

722
00:40:06.680 --> 00:40:09.840
But I would say usually by their body language

723
00:40:09.840 --> 00:40:13.600
and how you're getting along, you can kind of tell.

724
00:40:13.600 --> 00:40:16.980
Here's how I would also know when a guy wasn't into me.

725
00:40:16.980 --> 00:40:20.120
When he started very clearly talking about other women

726
00:40:20.120 --> 00:40:21.360
he was interested in.

727
00:40:21.360 --> 00:40:25.540
I'm like, okay, it's not me.

728
00:40:25.540 --> 00:40:29.120
Or if he's describing women that look nothing like me

729
00:40:29.200 --> 00:40:30.800
or they don't have the person out there,

730
00:40:30.800 --> 00:40:32.680
you're like, yeah, I am starting to look.

731
00:40:32.680 --> 00:40:34.520
And you know, but I, you know, you can say,

732
00:40:34.520 --> 00:40:35.640
oh, well, what are you looking for?

733
00:40:35.640 --> 00:40:36.480
Kind of thing.

734
00:40:36.480 --> 00:40:38.840
And they clearly describe a girl that's not you.

735
00:40:38.840 --> 00:40:42.560
You're like, this is really clear, it's not me.

736
00:40:42.560 --> 00:40:44.880
And so you might kind of then back off

737
00:40:44.880 --> 00:40:47.920
and then you wait to see if they pick up the baton

738
00:40:47.920 --> 00:40:49.360
to ask you out again.

739
00:40:49.360 --> 00:40:50.840
So does that help?

740
00:40:50.840 --> 00:40:51.680
It does.

741
00:40:51.680 --> 00:40:55.600
And how do you, I'm talking to like a few guys at church.

742
00:40:56.440 --> 00:41:01.440
I think for me, it's like, I tend to attach too quickly.

743
00:41:01.480 --> 00:41:06.480
So for example, like one guy on Good Friday

744
00:41:06.480 --> 00:41:09.080
his parents were visiting town and like,

745
00:41:09.080 --> 00:41:13.440
he like made it a point to introduce like his parents to me.

746
00:41:13.440 --> 00:41:15.200
And like, that's a very friendly gesture,

747
00:41:15.200 --> 00:41:16.680
but in my mind's like, oh my gosh,

748
00:41:16.680 --> 00:41:19.440
like he introduced me to his parents.

749
00:41:19.440 --> 00:41:22.720
And so I'm trying to like reel back my,

750
00:41:22.720 --> 00:41:24.960
where my thought goes.

751
00:41:26.240 --> 00:41:28.720
Yeah, and I would just love practical.

752
00:41:28.720 --> 00:41:33.240
Yeah, I mean, that's what this community is for you guys

753
00:41:33.240 --> 00:41:35.600
is to get the crazy out in front of each other

754
00:41:35.600 --> 00:41:37.280
and not in front of him.

755
00:41:37.280 --> 00:41:40.360
So you can put in a post that's like,

756
00:41:40.360 --> 00:41:42.360
oh my gosh, you guys, this is what he did.

757
00:41:42.360 --> 00:41:46.320
Talk me off the ledge, please people talk me off the ledge.

758
00:41:46.320 --> 00:41:50.040
And then 10 people will respond like, girl, roll it in.

759
00:41:50.040 --> 00:41:52.960
Like you got it, like you have to find an outlet

760
00:41:52.960 --> 00:41:54.600
for that anxious attachment.

761
00:41:54.600 --> 00:41:55.480
That's what I have found

762
00:41:55.480 --> 00:41:58.560
because I'm an anxious attachment, secure.

763
00:41:58.560 --> 00:42:00.440
Like, so like all that anxiety,

764
00:42:00.440 --> 00:42:01.880
you got to put it somewhere.

765
00:42:01.880 --> 00:42:05.080
So you have to find a couple of trusted girlfriends,

766
00:42:05.080 --> 00:42:09.080
a family member, the sister squad you got here

767
00:42:09.080 --> 00:42:11.040
and you have to do it and you have to make sure

768
00:42:11.040 --> 00:42:12.480
that they talk you off the ledge

769
00:42:12.480 --> 00:42:15.160
so you don't get all crazy with the men.

770
00:42:15.160 --> 00:42:16.720
Like you got to hide the crazy.

771
00:42:16.720 --> 00:42:17.560
Like, you know what I mean?

772
00:42:17.560 --> 00:42:18.880
You got to like, I'm not saying hide the crazy,

773
00:42:18.880 --> 00:42:20.680
that doesn't sound good at all.

774
00:42:20.680 --> 00:42:22.280
Not in the way.

775
00:42:22.280 --> 00:42:24.080
But in the way because you're trying to,

776
00:42:24.520 --> 00:42:26.880
it's a muscle you're trying to exercise.

777
00:42:26.880 --> 00:42:29.640
Like so for a while and you know,

778
00:42:29.640 --> 00:42:32.640
and you just start to make, I mean, for me,

779
00:42:32.640 --> 00:42:34.920
I just had to make myself really busy.

780
00:42:34.920 --> 00:42:37.960
Like I just had to make myself busy with my girlfriends,

781
00:42:37.960 --> 00:42:40.520
busy at my job, busy at working out,

782
00:42:40.520 --> 00:42:42.240
busy trying to figure stuff out.

783
00:42:42.240 --> 00:42:45.640
Like if I gave myself too much time to fantasize,

784
00:42:45.640 --> 00:42:49.200
like, oh my gosh, I pictured the wedding

785
00:42:49.200 --> 00:42:51.720
and like all the things, no.

786
00:42:51.720 --> 00:42:54.120
So find your outlet, girl,

787
00:42:54.120 --> 00:42:56.440
because there are women here that totally feel you

788
00:42:56.440 --> 00:42:58.360
and are going to be doing the same thing.

789
00:42:58.360 --> 00:43:00.580
It seems like it's about meaning use.

790
00:43:01.640 --> 00:43:02.680
Yeah.

791
00:43:02.680 --> 00:43:04.240
Thank you, Renee.

792
00:43:04.240 --> 00:43:06.760
Yeah, I mean, just we get in our own head, you guys,

793
00:43:06.760 --> 00:43:09.560
but avoidance are, it just is unhealthy, right?

794
00:43:09.560 --> 00:43:11.040
Avoidance just cut and run.

795
00:43:11.040 --> 00:43:12.580
Like they're out of there.

796
00:43:13.600 --> 00:43:15.520
And here's the thing about avoidance.

797
00:43:15.520 --> 00:43:17.040
And I'm not saying this because some of you

798
00:43:17.040 --> 00:43:18.680
are kind of like that avoidance style.

799
00:43:18.680 --> 00:43:22.000
And if you guys did not watch that stuff,

800
00:43:22.000 --> 00:43:25.240
I think it's in your portal, go ahead and watch it.

801
00:43:25.240 --> 00:43:27.560
Avoidance actually start out very similar

802
00:43:27.560 --> 00:43:29.640
looking to anxious attachment people.

803
00:43:29.640 --> 00:43:31.180
They get all hot and romantic.

804
00:43:31.180 --> 00:43:34.400
If anything, avoidance can almost be too romantic upfront.

805
00:43:34.400 --> 00:43:36.960
Like they're trying to reel you in pretty quickly

806
00:43:36.960 --> 00:43:37.840
and you're kind of anxious.

807
00:43:37.840 --> 00:43:39.800
So you like, you know this dance and you're like,

808
00:43:39.800 --> 00:43:41.120
I'm not going to fall in love yet.

809
00:43:41.120 --> 00:43:42.200
I'm not going to fall in love with.

810
00:43:42.200 --> 00:43:44.400
And the second you're like, oh my gosh,

811
00:43:44.400 --> 00:43:45.720
I'm totally going to believe this person.

812
00:43:45.720 --> 00:43:48.320
That's when the avoidant kicks in and they kick out.

813
00:43:49.280 --> 00:43:52.720
And so we want to make sure that we do that.

814
00:43:52.720 --> 00:43:55.360
So you guys journal it, right?

815
00:43:55.360 --> 00:43:57.920
Find a way to get it out of your system.

816
00:43:57.920 --> 00:43:59.120
I'm cheering you on girl.

817
00:43:59.120 --> 00:44:00.480
I've seen good things for you.

818
00:44:00.480 --> 00:44:03.000
And I love it because you're in the game.

819
00:44:03.000 --> 00:44:04.080
You're in the game with us.

820
00:44:04.080 --> 00:44:05.800
And the fact that I know you by name

821
00:44:05.800 --> 00:44:07.280
means you're in the game with us.

822
00:44:07.280 --> 00:44:08.520
Gabrielle, you're up.

823
00:44:10.320 --> 00:44:12.540
I would help if I am muted.

824
00:44:12.540 --> 00:44:16.200
So I guess this is kind of similar to what you're saying.

825
00:44:16.200 --> 00:44:18.680
So I would love to know where in the portal it is.

826
00:44:18.680 --> 00:44:22.120
I feel like I'm both anxious and avoidant.

827
00:44:22.120 --> 00:44:24.760
And I say this and this is part of my question

828
00:44:24.760 --> 00:44:28.440
is how do I, I'm sorry, there's snow plows in Wisconsin.

829
00:44:28.440 --> 00:44:30.720
So if you hear it, that's what it is.

830
00:44:30.720 --> 00:44:31.560
Yeah.

831
00:44:32.640 --> 00:44:35.640
But how do I know what is intuitive

832
00:44:35.640 --> 00:44:38.160
versus the Holy Spirit versus me being avoidant?

833
00:44:38.160 --> 00:44:40.920
And the reason I say this is, so I am moving.

834
00:44:40.920 --> 00:44:43.440
So I'm taking, I'm on hinge

835
00:44:43.440 --> 00:44:45.720
and I've got it set to the location I'm moving to.

836
00:44:46.240 --> 00:44:47.480
So I am being quite fluid with them.

837
00:44:47.480 --> 00:44:48.320
Like it's not a big deal.

838
00:44:48.320 --> 00:44:49.800
Like I'll talk to whoever.

839
00:44:49.800 --> 00:44:52.120
But I did, when I was visiting Austin,

840
00:44:52.120 --> 00:44:54.560
I went on a couple of dates with this guy.

841
00:44:54.560 --> 00:44:55.920
I'm in the short time that I was there

842
00:44:55.920 --> 00:44:59.080
and he like sort of started texting me really weird.

843
00:44:59.080 --> 00:45:00.080
And I was like, oh.

844
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.120
done, but then there was also something inside of me that was like, he's not my person, but

845
00:45:05.120 --> 00:45:10.280
how do I know what's me versus the Holy Spirit?

846
00:45:10.280 --> 00:45:15.960
For me, I have learned, and again, this is like a Holy Spirit muscle you guys want to

847
00:45:15.960 --> 00:45:19.240
start working on.

848
00:45:19.240 --> 00:45:24.440
Start asking the Holy Spirit to nudge you in all areas of your life.

849
00:45:24.440 --> 00:45:28.680
And just start saying, okay, Holy Spirit, like I need you to give me a sign.

850
00:45:28.680 --> 00:45:31.120
I need a couple of signs.

851
00:45:31.120 --> 00:45:32.120
And start to pray.

852
00:45:32.120 --> 00:45:37.760
I have found that the more I sit and hold quiet space for the Holy Spirit to move, the

853
00:45:37.760 --> 00:45:40.000
more he starts to show up in my life.

854
00:45:40.000 --> 00:45:48.080
I know for me, I know it's the, I put this in my book, and it's like, I know it's me

855
00:45:48.080 --> 00:45:55.160
when I feel anxious, when my heart is racing, when I feel like my throat is like caught

856
00:45:55.160 --> 00:45:57.920
in my, like I can't breathe.

857
00:45:58.160 --> 00:46:06.400
And so I have a lot of negative physical symptoms that attach with my anxious or avoidant personality.

858
00:46:06.400 --> 00:46:13.960
When the Holy Spirit is moving in me to do the hard thing, I feel oddly peaceful, oddly

859
00:46:13.960 --> 00:46:18.140
calm, and I usually get confirmation.

860
00:46:18.140 --> 00:46:23.160
And so if I feel like God is this, this, or this, God, can you give me some confirmation?

861
00:46:23.160 --> 00:46:24.320
Can you give me a sign?

862
00:46:24.320 --> 00:46:31.200
Can it be a song, a poem, somebody that calls me like, give me peace about this.

863
00:46:31.200 --> 00:46:36.880
The other thing I used to say to clients at my clinic all the time is try both options

864
00:46:36.880 --> 00:46:41.160
on and play it out and see how your body responds to that.

865
00:46:41.160 --> 00:46:45.400
So like, okay, I'm going to break up with this guy.

866
00:46:45.400 --> 00:46:47.720
Like you say that in your head, I'm going to break up with this guy.

867
00:46:47.720 --> 00:46:51.640
And then see how you feel about that choice for the next few hours.

868
00:46:51.640 --> 00:46:52.640
Do you feel anxious?

869
00:46:52.960 --> 00:46:53.960
Do you feel relieved?

870
00:46:53.960 --> 00:46:55.960
Like, what do you feel?

871
00:46:55.960 --> 00:46:58.920
Like start to pay attention what your body is trying to say to you.

872
00:46:58.920 --> 00:46:59.920
Do you lean in?

873
00:46:59.920 --> 00:47:02.920
Do you want to push away?

874
00:47:02.920 --> 00:47:10.320
And so I feel like for me, that's been a really good way is to look at my breathing.

875
00:47:10.320 --> 00:47:15.680
Look at just, that's how I know the Holy Spirit is moving in me.

876
00:47:15.680 --> 00:47:19.360
There's a peace and a calm and assurance that goes with it.

877
00:47:19.680 --> 00:47:26.400
But when I'm acting in my anxious or avoidant kind of lens, there's like, my heart is racing.

878
00:47:26.400 --> 00:47:27.920
My voice is higher.

879
00:47:27.920 --> 00:47:34.920
I'm talking faster, you know, like all the things that are happening to your body start

880
00:47:34.920 --> 00:47:35.920
kind of happening.

881
00:47:35.920 --> 00:47:41.120
So I hope that helps, but start, good, okay, good, good, good.

882
00:47:41.120 --> 00:47:42.120
That's good.

883
00:47:42.120 --> 00:47:43.120
I'm physical.

884
00:47:43.120 --> 00:47:44.120
I'm very visual and physical.

885
00:47:44.280 --> 00:47:50.520
So I, you know, I do movement and so I really try to, you know, I used to have a guy before

886
00:47:50.520 --> 00:47:54.480
I became a believer, he did all this Reiki stuff on me, but he really, he really started

887
00:47:54.480 --> 00:47:58.000
teaching me about how your body keeps this, you know, the whole, your body keeps the score

888
00:47:58.000 --> 00:48:01.520
and your body really does tell you.

889
00:48:01.520 --> 00:48:04.720
We just don't, we don't, we have to start listening to what our body says.

890
00:48:04.720 --> 00:48:08.240
Our body says a lot, you guys, our body tells us when we're thirsty, you know, when your

891
00:48:08.240 --> 00:48:12.200
body tells you you're thirsty, you're already dehydrated, right?

892
00:48:12.320 --> 00:48:14.680
So listen to what your body is trying to tell you.

893
00:48:14.680 --> 00:48:15.680
Let me go back.

894
00:48:15.680 --> 00:48:16.680
Let's see.

895
00:48:16.680 --> 00:48:17.680
Okay.

896
00:48:17.680 --> 00:48:20.960
Let, thank you, Shannon.

897
00:48:20.960 --> 00:48:22.320
Look at Shannon over there.

898
00:48:22.320 --> 00:48:24.320
It's in the replay section of the portal.

899
00:48:24.320 --> 00:48:26.120
There's three videos.

900
00:48:26.120 --> 00:48:29.440
Look at you, bless you for sharing that information.

901
00:48:29.440 --> 00:48:32.800
I was going to go find it and show it to everybody, but you did that for me.

902
00:48:32.800 --> 00:48:33.800
Love it.

903
00:48:33.800 --> 00:48:34.800
All right.

904
00:48:34.800 --> 00:48:36.800
Sarah Bradley, you're up.

905
00:48:36.800 --> 00:48:39.080
Hi.

906
00:48:39.080 --> 00:48:43.360
So I have a question kind of about a specific scenario.

907
00:48:43.360 --> 00:48:44.360
Perfect.

908
00:48:44.360 --> 00:48:45.360
We love those.

909
00:48:45.360 --> 00:48:49.920
I, there was this guy at church who was obviously just flirting with me.

910
00:48:49.920 --> 00:48:50.920
Crazy.

911
00:48:50.920 --> 00:48:51.920
It was very obvious.

912
00:48:51.920 --> 00:48:56.560
Like if I pick it up because I'm pretty oblivious, it's obvious.

913
00:48:56.560 --> 00:48:57.560
I love it.

914
00:48:57.560 --> 00:48:58.560
That's good.

915
00:48:58.560 --> 00:49:01.440
Like I'm picking up what this guy's putting down, but he gets to the point of almost asking

916
00:49:01.440 --> 00:49:03.640
me out several times and doesn't, and I'm like, okay, fine.

917
00:49:03.640 --> 00:49:05.080
I'm going to call him and ask him about it.

918
00:49:05.080 --> 00:49:06.840
So I did.

919
00:49:06.840 --> 00:49:11.960
And then asked him if he wanted to go out and he actually said he needed to think about

920
00:49:11.960 --> 00:49:12.960
it.

921
00:49:12.960 --> 00:49:13.960
And he gave me two reasons.

922
00:49:13.960 --> 00:49:15.880
He said, one is he's a teetotaler and I occasionally drink.

923
00:49:15.880 --> 00:49:19.560
I told him that didn't matter to me if he didn't drink because that, but the other one

924
00:49:19.560 --> 00:49:22.120
he was right on was that I swear too much.

925
00:49:22.120 --> 00:49:23.120
I picked it up.

926
00:49:23.120 --> 00:49:24.560
I lived in a military town.

927
00:49:24.560 --> 00:49:25.560
I picked it up.

928
00:49:25.560 --> 00:49:26.560
It was a bad habit.

929
00:49:26.560 --> 00:49:27.560
He was right.

930
00:49:27.560 --> 00:49:28.560
He's not the first person to tell me that.

931
00:49:28.560 --> 00:49:31.760
You're my spirit animal.

932
00:49:31.760 --> 00:49:37.360
My boyfriend is like, you've got such a potty mouth and I'm like, yes.

933
00:49:37.360 --> 00:49:41.600
And so he came back to me Sunday, apologized for being harsh and judgmental saying, Hey,

934
00:49:41.600 --> 00:49:44.560
he can't hold me to a standard if he's not willing to keep up with it.

935
00:49:44.560 --> 00:49:48.480
He said he talked to a friend about it really, and he wanted to go out if the offer was still

936
00:49:48.480 --> 00:49:49.480
on the table.

937
00:49:49.480 --> 00:49:50.480
Okay.

938
00:49:50.480 --> 00:49:55.200
Um, so we are going out tomorrow.

939
00:49:55.200 --> 00:49:59.040
Um, but my question is, uh,

940
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:00.840
Fair?

941
00:50:00.840 --> 00:50:01.660
Yeah, pretty much.

942
00:50:01.660 --> 00:50:02.500
No.

943
00:50:02.500 --> 00:50:03.340
Oh gosh.

944
00:50:03.340 --> 00:50:04.160
Cause we're obviously flirty.

945
00:50:04.160 --> 00:50:05.000
We're flirting over text,

946
00:50:05.000 --> 00:50:06.520
but I feel like I'm initiating a lot.

947
00:50:06.520 --> 00:50:08.040
And how do I not,

948
00:50:08.040 --> 00:50:10.240
I don't want to be over initiating for this.

949
00:50:10.240 --> 00:50:12.760
Like he did apologize that I felt like I had to initiate.

950
00:50:12.760 --> 00:50:15.160
And then after I texted him my schedule Monday,

951
00:50:15.160 --> 00:50:17.960
cause like on Sunday, I just didn't, we met at church.

952
00:50:17.960 --> 00:50:19.360
And I just didn't know my schedule

953
00:50:19.360 --> 00:50:20.360
right off the top of my head.

954
00:50:20.360 --> 00:50:23.200
He's like, he initiated after that, but I don't want to.

955
00:50:23.200 --> 00:50:26.320
So now, so what are you guys doing on the date?

956
00:50:26.320 --> 00:50:28.120
He's taking me to dinner.

957
00:50:28.120 --> 00:50:29.880
Okay, awesome.

958
00:50:29.880 --> 00:50:31.400
Did he pick the restaurant?

959
00:50:31.400 --> 00:50:32.560
He did.

960
00:50:32.560 --> 00:50:33.400
Perfect.

961
00:50:36.600 --> 00:50:38.040
Here's how I try.

962
00:50:38.040 --> 00:50:38.920
So women try to,

963
00:50:38.920 --> 00:50:41.980
we try to rescue the conversation too much in a date.

964
00:50:41.980 --> 00:50:43.800
So that's how we can start to take over.

965
00:50:43.800 --> 00:50:45.520
Like if there's silence,

966
00:50:45.520 --> 00:50:50.520
we feel like it's on us to like start asking questions.

967
00:50:50.640 --> 00:50:53.880
The biggest feedback I get from women is,

968
00:50:53.880 --> 00:50:56.680
he did all the talk and he didn't find out anything from me.

969
00:50:56.680 --> 00:50:58.080
And I'm like, okay,

970
00:50:58.120 --> 00:51:00.040
but did you let him ask you any questions?

971
00:51:00.040 --> 00:51:01.640
Well, no, because they got silent.

972
00:51:01.640 --> 00:51:03.240
So I asked all the questions and I'm like,

973
00:51:03.240 --> 00:51:04.880
well, then you didn't give him any chance

974
00:51:04.880 --> 00:51:06.000
to ask you questions.

975
00:51:06.000 --> 00:51:08.560
So that's why he did all the talking.

976
00:51:08.560 --> 00:51:12.040
So, you know, how I try to get around that is,

977
00:51:12.040 --> 00:51:13.560
you know, so, you know,

978
00:51:14.680 --> 00:51:16.480
what would you like to know about me?

979
00:51:16.480 --> 00:51:17.920
You know, I do ask that question,

980
00:51:17.920 --> 00:51:19.040
but I do have these,

981
00:51:19.040 --> 00:51:22.840
I have a container of funny questions that I like to ask.

982
00:51:22.840 --> 00:51:23.960
And I'll just say, hey,

983
00:51:23.960 --> 00:51:26.320
my rule of thumb when we ask questions

984
00:51:26.320 --> 00:51:28.920
is that the other person has to answer them too.

985
00:51:28.920 --> 00:51:31.920
So anything you ask me, I'll answer,

986
00:51:31.920 --> 00:51:33.640
but then you have to answer the question too.

987
00:51:33.640 --> 00:51:36.040
And anything I ask you, you're gonna have to,

988
00:51:36.040 --> 00:51:39.080
you know, we're gonna reciprocate all questions tonight,

989
00:51:39.080 --> 00:51:40.840
just so we make sure

990
00:51:40.840 --> 00:51:43.200
that we both get to share the same information.

991
00:51:43.200 --> 00:51:45.560
So sometimes I will do that.

992
00:51:45.560 --> 00:51:50.200
Sometimes I've learned to sit in the tension of the silence

993
00:51:50.200 --> 00:51:52.160
and just kind of see what they do,

994
00:51:52.160 --> 00:51:54.280
see if they can kind of pick up that ball.

995
00:51:54.280 --> 00:51:57.560
But even if you do have to carry the conversational a bit,

996
00:51:57.560 --> 00:52:00.160
Sarah, the best way going forward

997
00:52:00.160 --> 00:52:02.600
that you can make sure he leads

998
00:52:02.600 --> 00:52:04.120
is at the end of the day,

999
00:52:04.120 --> 00:52:05.280
you just say something like,

1000
00:52:05.280 --> 00:52:07.480
I really enjoyed our time tonight,

1001
00:52:07.480 --> 00:52:08.880
assuming that you did,

1002
00:52:08.880 --> 00:52:10.840
and just make, I would, you know,

1003
00:52:10.840 --> 00:52:12.440
I'll leave the ball in your court,

1004
00:52:12.440 --> 00:52:13.760
but I just wanted you to know,

1005
00:52:13.760 --> 00:52:15.160
I would love to go out again.

1006
00:52:15.160 --> 00:52:16.920
And if you don't want to, that's okay too,

1007
00:52:16.920 --> 00:52:19.760
but I look forward to hearing from you, boom.

1008
00:52:19.760 --> 00:52:21.560
And then you let him contact you

1009
00:52:21.560 --> 00:52:22.800
and you let him pick the date.

1010
00:52:22.800 --> 00:52:25.680
You don't find a cute reason to text him the next day.

1011
00:52:25.680 --> 00:52:28.400
You know, unless he asks you to let him know

1012
00:52:28.400 --> 00:52:31.200
that you got home okay, you're like, okay, great.

1013
00:52:31.200 --> 00:52:33.440
So you get home and you just say,

1014
00:52:33.440 --> 00:52:35.280
John, thank you so much for tonight.

1015
00:52:35.280 --> 00:52:36.240
It was so great.

1016
00:52:36.240 --> 00:52:37.960
It was really great getting to know you.

1017
00:52:37.960 --> 00:52:41.080
As I said, it'd be great to hang out with you again.

1018
00:52:41.080 --> 00:52:43.600
Look forward to hearing from you.

1019
00:52:43.600 --> 00:52:45.040
Then you stop.

1020
00:52:45.040 --> 00:52:47.160
You don't find a reason like the next day,

1021
00:52:47.160 --> 00:52:48.520
if there's a cute little thing, you're like,

1022
00:52:48.520 --> 00:52:49.560
oh my gosh, I had to tell them

1023
00:52:49.560 --> 00:52:51.640
about this cute little dog I just saw.

1024
00:52:51.640 --> 00:52:53.160
No.

1025
00:52:53.160 --> 00:52:54.000
Okay.

1026
00:52:54.000 --> 00:52:55.120
That was my question.

1027
00:52:55.120 --> 00:52:55.960
Yeah.

1028
00:52:55.960 --> 00:52:58.920
So that's, it's okay to tell him at the end of the date,

1029
00:52:58.920 --> 00:53:00.080
you would like to see him again.

1030
00:53:00.080 --> 00:53:02.360
And if he asks you to text him on your way home,

1031
00:53:02.360 --> 00:53:04.560
it's okay to tell him that again.

1032
00:53:04.560 --> 00:53:07.240
But then at that point he needs to lead.

1033
00:53:08.520 --> 00:53:10.320
So hopefully that answered your question.

1034
00:53:10.320 --> 00:53:12.000
I can't wait to hear about it.

1035
00:53:12.000 --> 00:53:12.960
Don't drink too much

1036
00:53:12.960 --> 00:53:14.960
because then you might swear and I'm kidding.

1037
00:53:14.960 --> 00:53:17.240
Well, I'm not, I don't drink on first dates anyway

1038
00:53:17.240 --> 00:53:19.600
as a general rule and I really don't drink that much.

1039
00:53:19.600 --> 00:53:21.120
I'm like a one and done kind of girl.

1040
00:53:21.600 --> 00:53:22.760
I don't drink every three months.

1041
00:53:22.760 --> 00:53:24.320
I have a glass of wine.

1042
00:53:24.320 --> 00:53:25.440
No shame for me here.

1043
00:53:25.440 --> 00:53:28.400
Like I said, you know, it's so funny

1044
00:53:28.400 --> 00:53:30.200
because my parents never swore.

1045
00:53:30.200 --> 00:53:31.600
I never swore.

1046
00:53:31.600 --> 00:53:32.880
You know when I started swearing y'all

1047
00:53:32.880 --> 00:53:34.800
when I became a cheerleading coach

1048
00:53:34.800 --> 00:53:37.120
and those dang parents would start yelling at me.

1049
00:53:37.120 --> 00:53:38.160
Like I'm telling you,

1050
00:53:38.160 --> 00:53:40.320
I didn't swear until that moment happened.

1051
00:53:40.320 --> 00:53:41.920
And y'all I'm in seminary.

1052
00:53:41.920 --> 00:53:44.520
Like I really, I told my boyfriend, I'm like,

1053
00:53:44.520 --> 00:53:46.440
cause he's like, Renee, I'm like, I know,

1054
00:53:46.440 --> 00:53:47.880
like I gotta get a swear jar.

1055
00:53:47.880 --> 00:53:50.000
Like I really, I really got to do it.

1056
00:53:51.480 --> 00:53:53.680
And it's just, it's just a bad habit.

1057
00:53:53.680 --> 00:53:55.680
And you guys, the more I see it on other people,

1058
00:53:55.680 --> 00:53:57.240
the more I find it unattractive.

1059
00:53:57.240 --> 00:53:58.880
So I'm like, I really need to work on this.

1060
00:53:58.880 --> 00:54:01.520
So Sarah, you and I will work on it together.

1061
00:54:02.800 --> 00:54:03.640
Okie dokie.

1062
00:54:03.640 --> 00:54:04.680
Let me keep looking.

1063
00:54:04.680 --> 00:54:06.480
Anybody, raise your hand if you need me

1064
00:54:06.480 --> 00:54:08.680
while I'm looking through.

1065
00:54:08.680 --> 00:54:10.800
Carrie Ann, you're having trouble.

1066
00:54:10.800 --> 00:54:13.760
You're having trouble having conversations with guys

1067
00:54:13.760 --> 00:54:16.520
meaning you're not finding them online.

1068
00:54:16.520 --> 00:54:18.200
You're not finding them in person.

1069
00:54:18.240 --> 00:54:20.400
Here's an easy way to start talking to men.

1070
00:54:20.400 --> 00:54:25.400
Y'all, this really works too if you're under five, four,

1071
00:54:25.720 --> 00:54:28.880
make sure you always find something on the top shelf

1072
00:54:28.880 --> 00:54:30.520
that you need some other guy to get for you

1073
00:54:30.520 --> 00:54:31.640
at the grocery store.

1074
00:54:31.640 --> 00:54:34.040
I always ask, like today I was at the gym,

1075
00:54:34.040 --> 00:54:34.920
good old planet fitness.

1076
00:54:34.920 --> 00:54:37.520
Now I'm so used to doing this now, even with a boyfriend,

1077
00:54:37.520 --> 00:54:39.840
but I don't care cause now it's just chivalry.

1078
00:54:39.840 --> 00:54:42.160
Y'all, I can't reach to hook up

1079
00:54:42.160 --> 00:54:43.880
like the bar that comes down.

1080
00:54:43.880 --> 00:54:45.720
You know how they change out the pieces.

1081
00:54:45.720 --> 00:54:48.160
I always ask a man to do it for me.

1082
00:54:48.160 --> 00:54:50.280
When I'm at the airport and if a guy off,

1083
00:54:50.280 --> 00:54:53.040
I start to look like I can't get my bag up

1084
00:54:53.040 --> 00:54:54.000
in the overhead bin.

1085
00:54:54.000 --> 00:54:55.800
I'm like, oh, and they're like,

1086
00:54:55.800 --> 00:54:57.160
oh, let me get that for you.

1087
00:54:57.160 --> 00:54:58.520
Awesome, thank you.

1088
00:54:58.520 --> 00:54:59.920
Thank you so much.

1089
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.000
Thank you so much.

1090
00:55:02.000 --> 00:55:04.000
Stand at a door, wait for a man to open it.

1091
00:55:04.000 --> 00:55:08.360
So that's how you start practice talking to men.

1092
00:55:08.360 --> 00:55:13.520
Believe it or not, sometimes, and I know this may be bad, but practice talking to older

1093
00:55:13.520 --> 00:55:18.880
men that seem like your father's age or men that are clearly married that you're friends

1094
00:55:18.880 --> 00:55:19.880
with.

1095
00:55:19.880 --> 00:55:20.880
Just start learning how to be polite.

1096
00:55:20.880 --> 00:55:24.800
Like I started learning how to be polite at the BMW service center.

1097
00:55:24.800 --> 00:55:29.000
Like all these old farty men in their golf outfits would come in, but I just started

1098
00:55:29.000 --> 00:55:30.760
practicing talking to them.

1099
00:55:30.760 --> 00:55:32.760
Like they were low hanging fruit.

1100
00:55:32.760 --> 00:55:37.160
I didn't want to date them, but I just started learning to be really friendly and practicing

1101
00:55:37.160 --> 00:55:38.160
that.

1102
00:55:38.160 --> 00:55:39.160
Okay.

1103
00:55:39.160 --> 00:55:42.680
Tell me, Chriselle, is that how you pronounce your name, Chriselle?

1104
00:55:42.680 --> 00:55:43.680
You're muted.

1105
00:55:43.680 --> 00:55:44.680
Yes.

1106
00:55:44.680 --> 00:55:45.680
That's actually how you say it.

1107
00:55:45.680 --> 00:55:46.680
Impressive.

1108
00:55:46.680 --> 00:55:47.680
Thank you.

1109
00:55:47.680 --> 00:55:48.680
Woo.

1110
00:55:48.680 --> 00:55:49.680
Awesome.

1111
00:55:49.680 --> 00:55:50.680
You are up.

1112
00:55:50.680 --> 00:55:51.680
Awesome.

1113
00:55:51.680 --> 00:55:52.680
So question.

1114
00:55:52.680 --> 00:55:59.040
So I was speaking specifically to one guy for, I think it was about six weeks.

1115
00:55:59.040 --> 00:56:02.240
And then I was away, long story.

1116
00:56:02.240 --> 00:56:08.880
But then we spent time together and then his mask came off and I'm like, so there was some

1117
00:56:08.880 --> 00:56:13.040
stuff and I was like, I couldn't, like I had zero peace and Holy Spirit's like, nope, nope,

1118
00:56:13.040 --> 00:56:14.040
nope.

1119
00:56:14.040 --> 00:56:17.240
I'm like, but maybe, but maybe, but maybe I'm like, I said, listen, this isn't bringing

1120
00:56:17.240 --> 00:56:18.320
me closer to Jesus.

1121
00:56:18.320 --> 00:56:20.040
So I said, I would just going to end it.

1122
00:56:20.040 --> 00:56:21.440
And you know, so whatever.

1123
00:56:21.560 --> 00:56:27.160
He went to church with me on Sunday and I ended it on Wednesday.

1124
00:56:27.160 --> 00:56:28.160
So wait.

1125
00:56:28.160 --> 00:56:31.920
So you went to church with him on Easter or the, the Sunday before Easter before, or I'm

1126
00:56:31.920 --> 00:56:33.240
sorry, the Sunday before Easter.

1127
00:56:33.240 --> 00:56:34.240
Yep.

1128
00:56:34.240 --> 00:56:35.240
Okay.

1129
00:56:35.240 --> 00:56:36.240
Okay.

1130
00:56:36.240 --> 00:56:42.560
So now I'm still out there and now I'm speaking to somebody else and he dropped the hint today

1131
00:56:42.560 --> 00:56:48.720
or yesterday when we went for a walk, our first time was for a walk yesterday.

1132
00:56:48.720 --> 00:56:55.080
And then today he said something about, he goes to church at a Jewish mess messianic

1133
00:56:55.080 --> 00:56:56.080
on Saturday.

1134
00:56:56.080 --> 00:56:58.240
And I said something about, Oh, you're going to work on Saturday.

1135
00:56:58.240 --> 00:56:59.240
How dare you sinner?

1136
00:56:59.240 --> 00:57:00.240
Frickin chops.

1137
00:57:00.240 --> 00:57:03.400
It's like, well, maybe I'll find a church to go to on Sunday and kind of hinting.

1138
00:57:03.400 --> 00:57:06.700
And then I'm like, Oh no, I'm going to be the girl that shows up to church with a different

1139
00:57:06.700 --> 00:57:07.700
guy every other week.

1140
00:57:07.700 --> 00:57:08.700
And I don't want to do that.

1141
00:57:08.700 --> 00:57:09.700
So can you help me?

1142
00:57:09.700 --> 00:57:10.700
So funny.

1143
00:57:10.700 --> 00:57:19.460
One of my first dates with a guy who was a long distance, what would you guys call them?

1144
00:57:19.460 --> 00:57:20.460
Short, long distance.

1145
00:57:20.460 --> 00:57:21.620
He was like three hours away.

1146
00:57:21.620 --> 00:57:26.180
Our first date was at a church service before Jackie said, don't make, do that as a first

1147
00:57:26.180 --> 00:57:27.180
date.

1148
00:57:27.180 --> 00:57:33.820
And so like, you're just making me think of that, you know, you could just, yeah, you

1149
00:57:33.820 --> 00:57:36.740
don't want to be that girl that's inviting them to church.

1150
00:57:36.740 --> 00:57:39.500
And you don't, um, I'm also a fan though.

1151
00:57:39.500 --> 00:57:46.260
I went to, I went to Rick's church very early in our dating, but it partly, it was because

1152
00:57:46.260 --> 00:57:50.060
we met online and I wanted, he just seemed too good to be true.

1153
00:57:50.060 --> 00:57:52.380
So I wanted to make sure he was who he said he was.

1154
00:57:52.380 --> 00:57:56.780
And he is involved in a men's group there and they actually vetted me as hard as I was

1155
00:57:56.780 --> 00:57:59.260
vetting them about him.

1156
00:57:59.260 --> 00:58:04.040
And so for me, I stepped in a church service and he came to my church with me the very

1157
00:58:04.040 --> 00:58:05.420
next week for the same reason.

1158
00:58:05.420 --> 00:58:07.980
He wanted to make sure I was who I said he was.

1159
00:58:07.980 --> 00:58:13.340
And there's nothing like meeting your person's people, like it's just cause you know, you

1160
00:58:13.340 --> 00:58:17.100
guys, who you spend time with says a lot about your character.

1161
00:58:17.100 --> 00:58:22.300
And so I'm very proud of the people I spend time with and they mean like one of them just

1162
00:58:22.300 --> 00:58:27.020
went up to Rick and he's like, you know, we love Renee, so you can't screw this up.

1163
00:58:27.020 --> 00:58:29.780
You know, that kind of thing is really good.

1164
00:58:29.780 --> 00:58:34.660
So you don't necessarily want it as your first date and just say like, Oh my gosh, you know,

1165
00:58:34.660 --> 00:58:37.000
I would love for you to come to my church sometime.

1166
00:58:37.000 --> 00:58:38.960
This week is probably too soon.

1167
00:58:38.960 --> 00:58:41.080
So let's put a pin in it.

1168
00:58:41.080 --> 00:58:42.080
Let's put a pin in it.

1169
00:58:42.080 --> 00:58:46.280
It sounds like a really great idea, but let's put a pin in it this week.

1170
00:58:46.280 --> 00:58:48.280
Like that's how you can get away out of it.

1171
00:58:48.280 --> 00:58:51.620
Like that sounds like so much fun and I would love to do that.

1172
00:58:51.620 --> 00:58:54.120
So you guys like, you know, I've been a believer my whole life.

1173
00:58:54.120 --> 00:58:57.440
I've been in full-time ministry since I was 29.

1174
00:58:57.440 --> 00:59:02.720
And so I've been really, I was in such a slump for a long time finding men that just were

1175
00:59:02.720 --> 00:59:04.680
not far enough along in their faith.

1176
00:59:04.680 --> 00:59:10.520
And I know Jackie says men worship God differently, totally get that, but I'm too far in.

1177
00:59:10.520 --> 00:59:14.720
And it's like, there's just something, there's some, just some things I was, I mean, I was

1178
00:59:14.720 --> 00:59:21.280
willing to compromise on church attendance, denomination, but I wasn't willing to compromise

1179
00:59:21.280 --> 00:59:26.320
on them having a relationship with Christ and feeling like it wanted to move, that part

1180
00:59:26.320 --> 00:59:32.440
of their relationship wanted to move forward as it is, you know, so I think it's okay for

1181
00:59:32.440 --> 00:59:33.440
you to hold out for that.

1182
00:59:33.440 --> 00:59:38.080
And so, because of that, you don't want to get super religious with the men too soon,

1183
00:59:38.080 --> 00:59:42.680
but if it's a big part of your life, then it's okay if you're having that conversation

1184
00:59:42.680 --> 00:59:43.680
too.

1185
00:59:43.680 --> 00:59:45.120
Let's see.

1186
00:59:45.120 --> 00:59:49.520
What if you don't feel well when you ask to break up with that guy?

1187
00:59:49.520 --> 00:59:52.920
You guys, I will say this, it never feels good to break up with somebody.

1188
00:59:52.920 --> 00:59:56.600
Like you just want, I mean, it doesn't feel good to get dumped and it doesn't feel good

1189
00:59:56.600 --> 00:59:58.080
to be the dumper.

1190
00:59:58.080 --> 00:59:59.960
And here's how you can just love them well.

1191
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.440
It, you know, you know, John, it's been such an honor to get to know you.

1192
01:00:04.440 --> 01:00:07.560
I'm so grateful that you were willing to share your time with me.

1193
01:00:08.080 --> 01:00:11.480
Um, I'm just really just feeling like the Lord's kind of pulling me in a

1194
01:00:11.480 --> 01:00:14.320
different direction and you're such an amazing guy.

1195
01:00:14.320 --> 01:00:18.120
I want you to be with somebody who is a hundred percent all in for you.

1196
01:00:18.600 --> 01:00:21.880
And so I just don't think that's me right now.

1197
01:00:21.920 --> 01:00:25.600
And, but I'm just so grateful and honored that I got a chance to get to know you.

1198
01:00:26.120 --> 01:00:26.520
Boom.

1199
01:00:26.880 --> 01:00:27.500
And that's it.

1200
01:00:27.500 --> 01:00:29.620
And you just exit the conversation.

1201
01:00:29.640 --> 01:00:33.200
So you just tried to affirm them and support them.

1202
01:00:33.560 --> 01:00:37.160
And, um, I say this, I think in the boundaries teaching, sometimes we

1203
01:00:37.160 --> 01:00:38.760
don't want to hurt people's feelings.

1204
01:00:38.760 --> 01:00:41.720
And so we say nothing, but then we cause more harm later.

1205
01:00:42.080 --> 01:00:45.440
So in our attempt to not hurt someone, we end up harming them.

1206
01:00:46.880 --> 01:00:49.280
And that's because we don't want to say the hard stuff.

1207
01:00:49.280 --> 01:00:51.440
And you guys, we would want a guy to say that to us.

1208
01:00:51.440 --> 01:00:54.820
Neither none of us here would want a guy half assing it with us.

1209
01:00:55.120 --> 01:00:57.840
We wouldn't want a guy who's only all in for us.

1210
01:00:57.860 --> 01:01:00.020
Like we wouldn't want him to drag it out.

1211
01:01:00.260 --> 01:01:00.620
Okay.

1212
01:01:01.180 --> 01:01:07.980
Last I do, oh girl, I'm telling you, it's interesting.

1213
01:01:08.380 --> 01:01:10.820
I, my, it's funny.

1214
01:01:10.860 --> 01:01:12.500
Christina is talking about physical.

1215
01:01:12.500 --> 01:01:13.380
I believe that.

1216
01:01:13.380 --> 01:01:17.220
Like I would, I could literally get sick to my stomach.

1217
01:01:17.260 --> 01:01:20.900
Like I've had bad relationships that made me want to throw up and

1218
01:01:20.900 --> 01:01:22.300
do all of the other stuff too.

1219
01:01:22.300 --> 01:01:24.900
So I promise you the body keeps a score.

1220
01:01:25.120 --> 01:01:29.800
A dog knows your dog knows and your stomach knows your gut knows.

1221
01:01:30.320 --> 01:01:31.640
Um, okay.

1222
01:01:31.680 --> 01:01:38.320
Let's see, Karen, you're saying I'm Catholic and 90% of the men at

1223
01:01:38.320 --> 01:01:41.040
church are 70 to 80, 70, 80 years old.

1224
01:01:41.040 --> 01:01:42.080
Is that what you're saying?

1225
01:01:42.440 --> 01:01:43.320
Like they're old men.

1226
01:01:43.360 --> 01:01:43.960
I'm sorry.

1227
01:01:44.720 --> 01:01:47.280
Um, you know what you got like, okay.

1228
01:01:47.280 --> 01:01:49.920
So the Catholic men, cause I grew up Catholic.

1229
01:01:49.920 --> 01:01:54.480
So I know a lot of Catholic people still, they are all involved with, oh my gosh,

1230
01:01:54.500 --> 01:01:56.940
what's the men's group that they're all involved with?

1231
01:01:56.940 --> 01:01:58.460
I'm having a brain freeze.

1232
01:01:59.420 --> 01:02:04.580
There's like a men's Knights of Columbus men, Catholic men are involved in them.

1233
01:02:04.620 --> 01:02:09.080
There are, you need to find about the local chapters, the Knights of Columbus

1234
01:02:09.080 --> 01:02:12.740
when they're doing fundraising events and dinners and potlucks are always

1235
01:02:12.740 --> 01:02:16.540
raising money with a pancake breakfast or some kind of event.

1236
01:02:16.540 --> 01:02:18.220
You need to start going to some nights.

1237
01:02:18.500 --> 01:02:22.180
You need to look up what the Knights of Columbus men are doing in your area.

1238
01:02:22.440 --> 01:02:27.800
Cause they have done, in my opinion, a really good job attracting younger men

1239
01:02:27.800 --> 01:02:32.440
into the fold, sometimes even better than at a Sunday church service.

1240
01:02:33.220 --> 01:02:36.520
And, um, yeah, that's what I'm going to encourage you to do.

1241
01:02:36.520 --> 01:02:39.000
Find out about what the Knights of Columbus are doing in your town.

1242
01:02:40.200 --> 01:02:41.080
Uh, let's see.

1243
01:02:42.160 --> 01:02:42.600
Yep.

1244
01:02:43.800 --> 01:02:44.320
Yep.

1245
01:02:46.160 --> 01:02:47.720
Can't you just say, do you have any questions for me?

1246
01:02:47.720 --> 01:02:47.920
Yep.

1247
01:02:47.920 --> 01:02:48.640
Karen, that's what I said.

1248
01:02:48.680 --> 01:02:48.800
Yeah.

1249
01:02:48.800 --> 01:02:50.160
See, we were, we were tracking.

1250
01:02:50.580 --> 01:02:55.180
Did, uh, uh, and you guys, I'm only going through the chat

1251
01:02:55.180 --> 01:02:56.420
cause no one's hand is raised.

1252
01:02:56.460 --> 01:03:00.380
So if you want to get in your little hot seat with me, ask me a question, share

1253
01:03:00.380 --> 01:03:04.660
wind, share something, ask me something about the video that confused you.

1254
01:03:04.940 --> 01:03:06.260
Melissa Dawn, you're up girl.

1255
01:03:09.300 --> 01:03:09.900
Okay.

1256
01:03:09.940 --> 01:03:14.380
So, um, I just find it interesting what you just said about how you're not

1257
01:03:14.380 --> 01:03:19.500
willing to settle Renee regarding, um, because you have such a long track

1258
01:03:19.520 --> 01:03:25.800
record with the Lord, does that include a time that someone has been a Christian

1259
01:03:25.800 --> 01:03:29.640
or is it more about the quality of their relationship with Christ?

1260
01:03:30.120 --> 01:03:31.280
It's more of the quality.

1261
01:03:31.360 --> 01:03:36.840
So, um, Rick has been, he grew up Catholic like I did and kind of fell away.

1262
01:03:36.840 --> 01:03:40.080
His family's not really believers at all.

1263
01:03:40.520 --> 01:03:47.280
And after his life fell apart, um, about 12 years ago, he said, Renee, I went

1264
01:03:47.280 --> 01:03:49.100
back to church cause I was searching.

1265
01:03:49.100 --> 01:03:52.660
Like my life was just falling apart and I was searching.

1266
01:03:53.220 --> 01:03:57.220
Um, and so he's been active in his church for the last 12 years.

1267
01:03:57.220 --> 01:03:58.580
He's in two men's group.

1268
01:03:58.580 --> 01:03:59.580
He's in a life group.

1269
01:03:59.580 --> 01:04:05.340
He's on the security team, but I can tell you just in the two months, three months,

1270
01:04:05.340 --> 01:04:09.340
three months that we've been together theologically, he's like, and he started

1271
01:04:09.340 --> 01:04:12.660
to read my book and he knows I'm in seminary school and he's like, Renee,

1272
01:04:12.660 --> 01:04:16.440
you clearly have way more biblical knowledge under your belt than I do.

1273
01:04:16.600 --> 01:04:17.440
You just do.

1274
01:04:18.040 --> 01:04:19.040
And he's not wrong.

1275
01:04:19.080 --> 01:04:19.800
I do.

1276
01:04:19.840 --> 01:04:25.000
And so if I were to, if I were to judge him head to head on how many verses he

1277
01:04:25.000 --> 01:04:31.200
knows and Bible stories that he knows, um, I would probably, you know, whip his

1278
01:04:31.200 --> 01:04:37.260
butt, but you know what, in some ways his faith is so much more pure than mine

1279
01:04:37.260 --> 01:04:37.960
sometimes.

1280
01:04:37.980 --> 01:04:43.600
And it's, um, he questions things and he's super committed.

1281
01:04:44.000 --> 01:04:51.040
Um, he's got these men speaking into his life and over his life and that's really

1282
01:04:51.040 --> 01:04:52.040
sexy to me.

1283
01:04:52.040 --> 01:04:55.280
Like, I'm like, I don't have to worry about doing any of that.

1284
01:04:55.740 --> 01:04:57.260
And so that's for me.

1285
01:04:57.260 --> 01:04:58.280
So it's been quality.

1286
01:04:58.280 --> 01:05:00.080
Now, if it was two years in.

1287
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.040
I might notice the difference like I might it might be too soon for him

1288
01:05:04.040 --> 01:05:07.520
Like if I've met a guy who's literally just starting to go back to TV

1289
01:05:07.520 --> 01:05:13.820
He found Jesus at Easter last year and he's just digging in that might be too soon for me

1290
01:05:13.820 --> 01:05:18.960
Just because of where I am. I don't know how I wouldn't dominate the relationship spiritually

1291
01:05:18.960 --> 01:05:23.160
It just because I'm already a strong person. I'm already in leadership

1292
01:05:23.160 --> 01:05:27.400
Like it would be really I would have to really rein my faith in

1293
01:05:27.400 --> 01:05:29.400
and so

1294
01:05:31.000 --> 01:05:32.760
But

1295
01:05:32.760 --> 01:05:38.200
That's a good question because every now and then I will make comments and he's like I have no idea what we're talking about

1296
01:05:38.200 --> 01:05:43.800
Like or I'll say things assuming he knows what I'm talking about and I'm realizing ooh

1297
01:05:44.840 --> 01:05:49.680
He doesn't know that but that's okay because I'm looking at his I'm looking at the fruit

1298
01:05:49.680 --> 01:05:55.080
Jackie always talks about the fruit. The fruit is like I think about the fruit of the Spirit

1299
01:05:55.080 --> 01:05:57.920
He's so many of those attributes more than any man

1300
01:05:57.920 --> 01:06:01.880
I've dated who was like an elder in the church like do you know I mean them?

1301
01:06:01.880 --> 01:06:08.240
So I'm also looking at the fruit. Can he old his own with me and I'm looking at the fruit. So does that help?

1302
01:06:08.760 --> 01:06:11.220
It really does. I I am kind of in

1303
01:06:11.920 --> 01:06:20.180
that situation you just said about the two years like the guy that I'm talking to and and I I too have studied theology and

1304
01:06:20.440 --> 01:06:23.600
Didn't in ministry for eight years and many many other things

1305
01:06:24.200 --> 01:06:30.640
So I can very much relate to what you're saying and so I think my other question related to this would be

1306
01:06:32.200 --> 01:06:33.800
This guy

1307
01:06:33.800 --> 01:06:37.360
We have a connection and I would say like

1308
01:06:38.000 --> 01:06:43.400
Emotionally, we have a connection which has often been a very big gaping hole and prior

1309
01:06:44.000 --> 01:06:47.960
Relationships which so it's not enough. It's not nothing. I would say

1310
01:06:48.520 --> 01:06:51.640
Personally intellectually, I feel like we have a good connection

1311
01:06:51.640 --> 01:06:58.180
I do have more education technically than he does but he's a he's a thinker and he is intelligent and he is

1312
01:06:58.920 --> 01:07:01.200
you know analytical as well and

1313
01:07:02.040 --> 01:07:04.780
has interesting thoughts so so

1314
01:07:05.720 --> 01:07:08.340
emotionally intellectually and also

1315
01:07:09.200 --> 01:07:11.640
physically, we're both attracted to each other and then

1316
01:07:12.560 --> 01:07:16.360
And then spiritually he's just at a different point in his journey

1317
01:07:16.360 --> 01:07:18.520
but I like what you're saying Renee where it's like

1318
01:07:18.800 --> 01:07:26.800
you can appreciate like the purity of heart or like the sincerity and the humility and also the value of community and so I

1319
01:07:27.200 --> 01:07:29.500
Feel like he is very teachable this guy

1320
01:07:30.080 --> 01:07:36.040
But he's just he does have a lot to work through and so but I was actually gonna I was like, oh man

1321
01:07:36.040 --> 01:07:41.140
I better just like, you know, cut the cord. I don't want to lead him on but I don't think you should cut this guy

1322
01:07:41.140 --> 01:07:45.160
I don't think I'm not getting that. I'm not getting that in my spirit that you're supposed to cut

1323
01:07:45.160 --> 01:07:51.120
I I think especially if here's what's gonna help you Melissa and it's helping me if

1324
01:07:51.440 --> 01:07:57.640
He's involved in a men's group. Then then other men in the church can disciple him

1325
01:07:57.640 --> 01:08:04.120
so you don't have to that's gonna be the key is that you don't have to be the one to disciple him and so

1326
01:08:05.720 --> 01:08:11.840
Theologically you might snow him sometimes and that's okay and you can teach him some things just like I can teach Rick some things

1327
01:08:12.040 --> 01:08:16.240
But where we go awry is if we start taking the leadership in

1328
01:08:16.880 --> 01:08:22.520
Shepherding them and discipling them and then that could kind of puts us in front of them and that's not

1329
01:08:23.200 --> 01:08:27.520
What God would want us to do so I would say you have all of the other things

1330
01:08:27.520 --> 01:08:34.760
You need to keep talking to this guy and as long as he's continuing to grow and he's letting other men feed into him

1331
01:08:35.439 --> 01:08:37.439
That will get you off the hook. I

1332
01:08:37.960 --> 01:08:42.120
Think you're absolutely right. In fact, we just talked about that today and I encouraged him, you know

1333
01:08:42.120 --> 01:08:47.560
I just mainly shared it from my story like it was a game-changer for me where the women that mentored and discipled me and blah blah

1334
01:08:47.560 --> 01:08:50.560
It was so I very much agree with what you're saying

1335
01:08:51.600 --> 01:08:58.600
But I think like it it's like I also it's just like financially even you know

1336
01:08:58.600 --> 01:09:04.279
we connect emotionally but like he like he needs to go to counseling and work through some anger stuff and

1337
01:09:04.560 --> 01:09:08.600
But the thing is he's aware of that and I know that was one of the key things that Jackie and all of us

1338
01:09:08.600 --> 01:09:10.800
Had talked about that one thing. Are they self-aware?

1339
01:09:11.560 --> 01:09:14.800
I guess my question would be just like I

1340
01:09:15.800 --> 01:09:22.439
mean do I just kind of wait and definitely just build a friendship with him because I actually feel I mean we are friends and

1341
01:09:22.920 --> 01:09:27.720
We have a really solid connection, which does not how long how long have y'all been talking?

1342
01:09:27.720 --> 01:09:31.640
I mean really just like eight days or actually since

1343
01:09:32.479 --> 01:09:38.080
26 whatever that was. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. So do are you guys actually going out on dates?

1344
01:09:38.479 --> 01:09:40.560
Well, we're long-distance at this point

1345
01:09:40.560 --> 01:09:47.160
We face time like we do we've logged many hours on FaceTime and I'm gonna be going in one month

1346
01:09:47.920 --> 01:09:52.800
To Texas to see my family and I could meet him even though financially he's not in a good place

1347
01:09:52.800 --> 01:09:58.320
I I would be close enough that he could literally just drive a couple of hours and come to where my family lives

1348
01:09:58.480 --> 01:10:00.480
You definitely I would say

1349
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.440
Keep talking to him. Okay. So he's long distance. Keep talking to him. Keep getting to know

1350
01:10:04.440 --> 01:10:10.680
him. Give him a chance. Seem in person. I believe you will have confirmation in person.

1351
01:10:10.680 --> 01:10:18.200
Okay. Okay. I do. I do. Um, and, and by the way, cause Evangeline asked me, did Rick

1352
01:10:18.200 --> 01:10:23.760
ever trigger you? Girl, I get triggered all the time still. Like, like I'm still human.

1353
01:10:23.760 --> 01:10:29.640
Like I, I didn't think I was triggerable anymore. I'm like, I have been there done and I bought

1354
01:10:29.640 --> 01:10:36.440
the t-shirt. Like I was secure attachment now. Like, I don't understand it, but, um,

1355
01:10:36.440 --> 01:10:42.880
we still have our buttons. Y'all, we all still have buttons. We all have things in our story

1356
01:10:42.880 --> 01:10:49.000
that if someone hits that button, it's going to like, it's like the amygdala. Like it literally

1357
01:10:49.000 --> 01:10:54.760
you feel in the back of your brain and it's as if like you're right back there. That's

1358
01:10:55.760 --> 01:11:01.960
her in relationship, healed in relationship. That means there are only so many things that

1359
01:11:01.960 --> 01:11:06.680
you're going to get healed from without your partner. Some of the things in your healing

1360
01:11:06.680 --> 01:11:11.360
that still need to happen. They're not going to happen until your healthy relationship

1361
01:11:11.360 --> 01:11:17.080
comes in front of you. And so irony, like when I've been triggered, I'm like, that's

1362
01:11:17.080 --> 01:11:25.640
it. I'm done. I'm out of here. Like, I'm just like, I want to go. And it's much harder

1363
01:11:25.640 --> 01:11:34.520
to, um, he just called me. It's like he knew I was talking about him. That's hilarious.

1364
01:11:34.520 --> 01:11:41.580
And so you all don't be afraid to get triggered. It's always a revealing for healing. So not

1365
01:11:41.580 --> 01:11:46.240
every trigger means that he's a red flag. So I'm glad you asked that question because

1366
01:11:46.240 --> 01:11:52.480
not every trigger is a red flag. Sometimes those triggers are for you to get your stuff

1367
01:11:52.480 --> 01:11:59.560
together and you to lean into God and see what God has for you. Bridget, go.

1368
01:11:59.560 --> 01:12:07.200
Okay. So I've been on Facebook dating for about a week. I'll turn my camera on. So I

1369
01:12:07.200 --> 01:12:11.760
feel like we're having a face to face. Thank you. I appreciate that.

1370
01:12:11.760 --> 01:12:16.140
So I, yeah, I've been in the, the phase two for several weeks. I finally decided to do

1371
01:12:16.140 --> 01:12:22.720
Facebook dating. I, um, I don't feel like I'm super overwhelmed. Like I'm doing okay

1372
01:12:22.720 --> 01:12:29.280
with it, but I'm juggling like 15 different conversations and I'm only on one app. And

1373
01:12:29.280 --> 01:12:36.360
so I feel like my yes and tell no, like I don't have enough of these guys, red flagging

1374
01:12:36.360 --> 01:12:42.160
for me to ditch them. And so my yes pile is just accumulating and I'm getting so exhausted.

1375
01:12:42.160 --> 01:12:48.440
I'm an, I'm Italian, but I'm an introvert and all of my free time is going to this polite

1376
01:12:48.440 --> 01:12:54.520
conversation that doesn't have much chemistry, but there's not really been any red flag.

1377
01:12:54.520 --> 01:12:58.160
It's just so meh. Okay. I'm going to help you. First of all,

1378
01:12:58.160 --> 01:13:04.020
you can on Facebook dating, you can pause at any time. So if you feel like the influx

1379
01:13:04.020 --> 01:13:08.460
is too much, and I will say this, Facebook dating is feast or famine. So when you first

1380
01:13:08.460 --> 01:13:11.900
get in, they're going to flood you with a bunch of things and then it's going to be

1381
01:13:11.900 --> 01:13:16.340
like crickets and then they're going to get flooded and then it's crickets. You can pause

1382
01:13:16.340 --> 01:13:20.240
any of the apps at any time. So if you feel like I can't talk to more than eight guys

1383
01:13:20.240 --> 01:13:25.660
at one time or 10 guys at one time, then put your thing on pause and finish the conversation.

1384
01:13:25.660 --> 01:13:32.060
Um, I don't know if you're on this call this whole time. I will only text for a few days

1385
01:13:32.060 --> 01:13:35.980
before I'm like, Hey, you're starting to ask really good questions. I just think are

1386
01:13:35.980 --> 01:13:40.020
more appropriate by a video date. You know, I've got a zoom account. Would you be open

1387
01:13:40.020 --> 01:13:46.940
to hopping on a video date? So I try to move very, very quickly to a video date so I can

1388
01:13:46.940 --> 01:13:51.700
see them, body language, tone, inflection. You guys, just because somebody can write

1389
01:13:51.700 --> 01:13:57.580
you a cool text back doesn't mean that they're good verbally with you or the opposite can

1390
01:13:57.580 --> 01:14:01.540
be true, Bridget. There might be some guys that are sucking wind right now at texting

1391
01:14:01.540 --> 01:14:05.780
you because they hate texting. But if you call them on a video, you might see their

1392
01:14:05.780 --> 01:14:10.940
whole personality come out. So what you needed to start doing is up in the Annie to weed

1393
01:14:10.940 --> 01:14:18.240
some of them out. They, some people rise to the table and some people need to go, right?

1394
01:14:18.240 --> 01:14:23.820
We need to get them to that point of decision one way or the other or myself. So, um, what

1395
01:14:23.820 --> 01:14:30.060
I know about myself is that, you know, I, I, I do really early mornings. I have my devotional.

1396
01:14:30.100 --> 01:14:35.860
I go to work, I come home, I'm fried. So after work is not like the best time for me to squeeze

1397
01:14:35.860 --> 01:14:40.700
in a video date. I, I mean, I'm just, so then you might just have to book them. You might

1398
01:14:40.700 --> 01:14:46.460
have to book some back to back on a Saturday. Okay. That was my question. Okay. I did. You

1399
01:14:46.460 --> 01:14:52.060
guys, I used to have like three dates in a row. Like, I mean, even in person I've gone

1400
01:14:52.060 --> 01:14:56.260
to one rest. There were three restaurants I would toggle, like talk of it. Someone said,

1401
01:14:56.260 --> 01:14:59.340
Chris, you know how you just said, I don't want to be the girl that brings a guy to church.

1402
01:14:59.340 --> 01:15:00.180
No, I had three.

1403
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:03.920
restaurants and they're like, you again? Like I was bringing a different, I was just bringing

1404
01:15:03.920 --> 01:15:09.520
just different men. I mean, and I would go from one to the next and like, I would get lunch at

1405
01:15:09.520 --> 01:15:16.160
one and coffee at the other one and just go back to back. So it is okay to go back to back. I mean,

1406
01:15:16.160 --> 01:15:22.240
if anything, if you book them on the hour, only budget to talk to them 30 minutes. If you go 45,

1407
01:15:22.240 --> 01:15:25.600
great. But now you have an excuse to get off the phone. Like, oh my gosh, I had such a great time

1408
01:15:25.600 --> 01:15:29.680
with you, but I've got another appointment. You know, I'd love to talk to you again,

1409
01:15:29.680 --> 01:15:33.680
or it was so nice talking to you and you'd never say anything about talking again.

1410
01:15:33.680 --> 01:15:39.040
So it's okay to offer days and then video date and then up it to in person.

1411
01:15:39.040 --> 01:15:43.440
And I feel like I always decided after a video day, is this somebody for me,

1412
01:15:44.720 --> 01:15:49.120
either after a video day, I wanted to then see them in person or I was done.

1413
01:15:50.080 --> 01:15:50.720
Okay.

1414
01:15:50.720 --> 01:15:55.840
I might book a second video date if there's more distance and it's like two hours away,

1415
01:15:55.840 --> 01:16:01.440
you know what I mean? But if it's what we call short, long distance, like three hours,

1416
01:16:01.440 --> 01:16:04.480
I wouldn't do more than three video dates before I booked a live visit.

1417
01:16:05.040 --> 01:16:08.640
Obviously, like Melissa's talking to somebody that she's hopping on a plane, she would be

1418
01:16:08.640 --> 01:16:14.000
hopping on a plane for. And at that point, Jackie would say, don't talk to them more than six weeks

1419
01:16:14.000 --> 01:16:19.280
or six long video dates before someone's booking a live visit, because you can create this whole

1420
01:16:19.280 --> 01:16:24.400
internet relationship that's not real. And what about too soon for an in-person?

1421
01:16:24.400 --> 01:16:26.080
Because one of the guys- Never too soon.

1422
01:16:26.080 --> 01:16:28.720
Never too soon. If you wanted to book an in-person date,

1423
01:16:28.720 --> 01:16:33.440
the very first day I started chatting with him, I'm like, no dude, I need to get to know you.

1424
01:16:33.440 --> 01:16:38.160
Well, okay. So here's what I've done. Hey, do you mind if we just get the basics out of it?

1425
01:16:38.160 --> 01:16:42.240
So this is why I say, do you mind if we get just the basics out of the way? Let me go first.

1426
01:16:42.960 --> 01:16:47.040
So then I've guide them on what I, here's what I'm willing to share about you.

1427
01:16:47.040 --> 01:16:51.840
Can you give me similar information return? Then they do that. So if they're insisting on meeting

1428
01:16:51.840 --> 01:17:00.080
me quickly, then they have to come to me. I will pick a place that I feel comfortable with,

1429
01:17:00.080 --> 01:17:07.040
and I will usually pick lunch or coffee. I will not pick a whole meal. I will not pick an evening

1430
01:17:07.040 --> 01:17:12.640
because I don't know if I want that much of their time. So I'm like, hey, I can meet for coffee

1431
01:17:12.640 --> 01:17:17.680
Saturday morning. I can meet at lunch on Saturday. I can meet at the park, you know,

1432
01:17:17.680 --> 01:17:23.520
before, before I have another appointment, I can, I can give an hour here. So if they want to meet

1433
01:17:23.520 --> 01:17:32.800
me right away, then I make it as safe and as easy for me. Yeah. Okay. That's good. Yep. Lynette.

1434
01:17:33.920 --> 01:17:41.360
All right. So this probably only happens to me, but it took me years to finally do online dating

1435
01:17:41.920 --> 01:17:46.080
and my friend Susan, who's on here knows how long it finally took me to do it.

1436
01:17:46.080 --> 01:17:52.800
Anyway, um, got on Facebook dating all good. Um, I've only matched with people that like me.

1437
01:17:53.520 --> 01:17:59.680
Um, this one guy was really handsome. We hit it off. We just, our paths had completely crossed

1438
01:17:59.680 --> 01:18:04.560
throughout the years. We knew so many mutual people. He asked me to coffee. I couldn't go.

1439
01:18:04.560 --> 01:18:10.640
I had to work. We went to lunch instead, had a great, great conversation, knew so many of the

1440
01:18:10.640 --> 01:18:17.520
same people during that conversation. He, uh, tells me he's going through a divorce. I'm like,

1441
01:18:17.520 --> 01:18:23.680
why would he ever be like on the dating app going through a divorce where it says looking for a

1442
01:18:23.680 --> 01:18:28.240
long-term relationship? I agree. And then I go and then I find that out at the lunch.

1443
01:18:28.960 --> 01:18:33.280
And of course he's already asked me to do something else again. I know I'm going to

1444
01:18:33.280 --> 01:18:38.560
say no, but I'm just like, all right, well, let's, let's, let's get, let's get more information

1445
01:18:39.520 --> 01:18:43.920
where, how long have they been separated? Going on two years.

1446
01:18:43.920 --> 01:18:48.240
Lynette, girl, this happens to everybody. So you, this is not a unique situation.

1447
01:18:48.880 --> 01:18:54.080
Um, some people have been waiting for their divorce to get finalized for like two years.

1448
01:18:54.720 --> 01:18:59.680
Um, courts have been backed up, child custody, financial issues. So how long has it,

1449
01:18:59.680 --> 01:19:01.440
they've been separated? Two years.

1450
01:19:02.160 --> 01:19:04.000
Okay. Is there a- Going on two years.

1451
01:19:04.800 --> 01:19:08.560
And they were doing collaborative, but it's not going to work. So anyway.

1452
01:19:08.560 --> 01:19:12.960
Is there a court date? No, they've been doing collaborative and,

1453
01:19:12.960 --> 01:19:16.400
um, she won't agree to anything in the world. So now they're going to have to

1454
01:19:16.400 --> 01:19:20.480
convert to litigation. So I'm like, I'm not going down that path.

1455
01:19:21.280 --> 01:19:25.600
Well, okay. So you're pretty adamant about that. So here's what I have said to like,

1456
01:19:26.480 --> 01:19:32.720
because I've, I've, here's what I have said to, um, men like, just so you know,

1457
01:19:32.720 --> 01:19:36.160
until you're divorced, I, I can get to know you as a friend,

1458
01:19:36.160 --> 01:19:40.400
but I cannot start a romantic relationship with you because that's my deal breaker.

1459
01:19:41.200 --> 01:19:45.120
And so there was one guy that I was talking to, he thought that was totally okay. But then

1460
01:19:45.120 --> 01:19:50.160
a week later he like broke it off with me because clearly he wanted to start dating.

1461
01:19:50.160 --> 01:19:55.200
And that's not my comfort zone. I mean, I know Jackie's been very honest that her and David

1462
01:19:55.200 --> 01:19:59.760
together before their divorces were finalized and they got married very.

1463
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:02.380
soon after their divorces were finalized.

1464
01:20:02.380 --> 01:20:04.200
That has never worked for me.

1465
01:20:04.200 --> 01:20:07.280
Whenever I've dated a man not completely divorced

1466
01:20:07.280 --> 01:20:08.720
or too soon out of his divorce

1467
01:20:08.720 --> 01:20:12.680
and he's done no divorce care, no therapy, nothing,

1468
01:20:12.680 --> 01:20:15.200
it's usually backfired in my face.

1469
01:20:15.200 --> 01:20:18.520
And so I have, I got very, very cautious about it.

1470
01:20:18.520 --> 01:20:20.520
But if you really liked him,

1471
01:20:22.280 --> 01:20:24.820
you could say, and I don't know how much you trust yourself,

1472
01:20:24.820 --> 01:20:27.120
like, hey, I really enjoyed getting to know you.

1473
01:20:27.120 --> 01:20:31.060
I'm just, I can't start any kind of romantic relationship

1474
01:20:31.060 --> 01:20:32.020
while you're still married,

1475
01:20:32.020 --> 01:20:35.420
even though at this point it's a court system thing.

1476
01:20:35.420 --> 01:20:37.880
I could be your friend, we could hang out.

1477
01:20:37.880 --> 01:20:39.060
I mean, but the problem is,

1478
01:20:39.060 --> 01:20:40.580
Lynette, I don't know what state you're in,

1479
01:20:40.580 --> 01:20:43.660
but if they're just starting the filing,

1480
01:20:43.660 --> 01:20:46.980
you're talking about another six months, at least.

1481
01:20:46.980 --> 01:20:50.340
Oh no, today he told me he's probably looking

1482
01:20:50.340 --> 01:20:51.580
at a year to year and a half.

1483
01:20:51.580 --> 01:20:55.220
And I'm like, yeah, like, but I mean,

1484
01:20:55.220 --> 01:20:58.360
we weren't talking about it in the context of like,

1485
01:20:58.360 --> 01:21:02.000
about us, it was more, you know, I'm very inquisitive.

1486
01:21:02.000 --> 01:21:05.720
We have a lot, like our daughters actually graduated

1487
01:21:05.720 --> 01:21:06.560
in the same graduate class.

1488
01:21:06.560 --> 01:21:08.400
So does he want you to date?

1489
01:21:08.400 --> 01:21:09.840
Does he want you to date?

1490
01:21:10.720 --> 01:21:11.560
Oh, does he still marry you?

1491
01:21:11.560 --> 01:21:15.920
Oh my gosh, he is the biggest like charismatic planner,

1492
01:21:15.920 --> 01:21:19.120
like make reservations, all this stuff.

1493
01:21:19.120 --> 01:21:23.760
And I'm like, anyway, I just gotta tell him.

1494
01:21:23.820 --> 01:21:25.740
Well, you gotta do what's right for you.

1495
01:21:25.740 --> 01:21:29.220
There are 42 people on this call right now

1496
01:21:29.220 --> 01:21:32.940
with probably 42 opinions about that.

1497
01:21:32.940 --> 01:21:35.820
And I don't think it's, and you guys be careful,

1498
01:21:35.820 --> 01:21:37.380
you guys, I haven't said this before

1499
01:21:37.380 --> 01:21:38.780
and Jackie probably has.

1500
01:21:38.780 --> 01:21:41.660
Well, be careful about what you say

1501
01:21:41.660 --> 01:21:43.700
about different denominations in this group

1502
01:21:43.700 --> 01:21:45.340
and be careful about what you say

1503
01:21:45.340 --> 01:21:49.500
about when people should be dating a divorced person.

1504
01:21:49.500 --> 01:21:52.020
We have all different denominations here

1505
01:21:53.000 --> 01:21:55.320
and we need to hold safe space for all of them.

1506
01:21:55.320 --> 01:21:59.440
I've seen dogma and religion in all denominations

1507
01:21:59.440 --> 01:22:01.680
and I've seen the Holy Spirit in all of them.

1508
01:22:02.680 --> 01:22:05.280
And we have a lot of opinions about divorce.

1509
01:22:05.280 --> 01:22:07.040
So let's hold space.

1510
01:22:07.040 --> 01:22:09.200
I think mine comes more not about.

1511
01:22:09.200 --> 01:22:11.400
No, no, no, you're allowed to have your own choice

1512
01:22:11.400 --> 01:22:14.080
for yourself Lynette and that's totally okay with you.

1513
01:22:14.080 --> 01:22:16.160
I'm just saying, I don't want people sidebarring,

1514
01:22:16.160 --> 01:22:17.960
telling you what you should or shouldn't do.

1515
01:22:17.960 --> 01:22:19.760
Like at the end of the day,

1516
01:22:19.760 --> 01:22:21.240
it really has to be your choice,

1517
01:22:21.260 --> 01:22:22.580
what you feel comfortable with.

1518
01:22:22.580 --> 01:22:26.180
So if you feel like you need to kind of nip it in the bud

1519
01:22:26.180 --> 01:22:28.380
and that's a deal breaker for you,

1520
01:22:28.380 --> 01:22:29.700
then it's a deal breaker for you.

1521
01:22:29.700 --> 01:22:32.220
And God's not gonna give you somebody,

1522
01:22:32.220 --> 01:22:34.260
if it's a God defended deal breaker,

1523
01:22:34.260 --> 01:22:35.660
he's not gonna give you.

1524
01:22:35.660 --> 01:22:37.300
And that's what I had to realize you guys.

1525
01:22:37.300 --> 01:22:40.560
Like I was just starting to get to this place

1526
01:22:40.560 --> 01:22:41.660
where I was like, okay, God,

1527
01:22:41.660 --> 01:22:46.460
am I gonna have to compromise on my faith?

1528
01:22:46.460 --> 01:22:49.300
Am I gonna have to compromise on his intelligence?

1529
01:22:49.480 --> 01:22:51.320
What am I gonna have to compromise on?

1530
01:22:51.320 --> 01:22:54.040
Because like, I'm kind of in this...

1531
01:22:54.040 --> 01:22:56.840
And then, you know, not a week later,

1532
01:22:56.840 --> 01:23:01.120
like the Lord gave me somebody who like is really,

1533
01:23:01.120 --> 01:23:05.240
literally everything I've asked for, which is ironic.

1534
01:23:05.240 --> 01:23:07.720
My sister jokes that I'm dating myself,

1535
01:23:08.880 --> 01:23:12.640
which is good and bad all at the same time

1536
01:23:12.640 --> 01:23:14.800
because we can both be a little sensitive

1537
01:23:14.800 --> 01:23:16.340
and we can both talk.

1538
01:23:16.340 --> 01:23:17.440
He talks more than me

1539
01:23:17.460 --> 01:23:19.820
and I didn't think that was humanly possible.

1540
01:23:20.820 --> 01:23:22.340
I'm gonna show you something.

1541
01:23:22.340 --> 01:23:25.700
So anywho, I hope that helps Lynette.

1542
01:23:25.700 --> 01:23:27.500
I mean, were you just asking for me

1543
01:23:27.500 --> 01:23:29.580
to affirm your choice of nipping into the bud?

1544
01:23:29.580 --> 01:23:31.020
I just think about Jackie,

1545
01:23:31.020 --> 01:23:34.500
our 3Ms are mature, masculine and marriage ready.

1546
01:23:34.500 --> 01:23:36.780
And so it doesn't reconcile in my brain

1547
01:23:36.780 --> 01:23:38.140
that someone going through a divorce

1548
01:23:38.140 --> 01:23:39.900
can be marriage ready.

1549
01:23:39.900 --> 01:23:41.480
Well, she says marriage minded

1550
01:23:41.480 --> 01:23:43.660
and marriage minded isn't marriage ready.

1551
01:23:43.660 --> 01:23:44.980
Or marriage minded.

1552
01:23:44.980 --> 01:23:46.120
She says marriage minded,

1553
01:23:46.140 --> 01:23:50.180
meaning they're dating because they wanna get remarried.

1554
01:23:50.180 --> 01:23:52.420
And I guess that's a good question is,

1555
01:23:52.420 --> 01:23:54.700
does this guy even wanna get remarried right away?

1556
01:23:54.700 --> 01:23:58.140
Like a lot of times I've met men who are like

1557
01:23:58.140 --> 01:24:00.180
just getting out of a 30 year marriage

1558
01:24:00.180 --> 01:24:03.700
and like, they're just so like, they just need time off.

1559
01:24:03.700 --> 01:24:06.580
And so unfortunately he may wanna date you.

1560
01:24:06.580 --> 01:24:07.860
He may wanna hang out with you.

1561
01:24:07.860 --> 01:24:09.520
He may even wanna play house with you,

1562
01:24:09.520 --> 01:24:14.520
but he may not be ready for marriage for, you know, a while.

1563
01:24:15.280 --> 01:24:17.420
So he might not be marriage minded.

1564
01:24:17.420 --> 01:24:18.740
He's definitely not marriage ready.

1565
01:24:18.740 --> 01:24:20.640
He can't be, cause he's still married.

1566
01:24:22.940 --> 01:24:24.880
But yeah, you gotta follow your heart.

1567
01:24:24.880 --> 01:24:25.980
You gotta follow your heart.

1568
01:24:25.980 --> 01:24:27.860
And again, back to what somebody said,

1569
01:24:27.860 --> 01:24:29.660
how do you know if it's anxious attachment

1570
01:24:29.660 --> 01:24:31.820
or being avoidant versus the Holy Spirit?

1571
01:24:31.820 --> 01:24:33.720
Cause you have peace about that choice.

1572
01:24:33.720 --> 01:24:35.500
That's how you know it's the right choice.

1573
01:24:35.500 --> 01:24:37.100
It's just cause you have peace about it

1574
01:24:37.100 --> 01:24:38.620
doesn't mean it's not hard you guys.

1575
01:24:38.620 --> 01:24:41.580
So don't think peace means easy.

1576
01:24:41.580 --> 01:24:44.160
Y'all just thought I would let you see my man.

1577
01:24:45.000 --> 01:24:45.840
Isn't that cute?

1578
01:24:45.840 --> 01:24:46.660
That little man.

1579
01:24:46.660 --> 01:24:47.500
Oh, that's so cute.

1580
01:24:47.500 --> 01:24:48.340
Yep.

1581
01:24:48.340 --> 01:24:50.940
You guys, and all the tall women, you can hate me

1582
01:24:50.940 --> 01:24:53.780
because I don't know how this happened,

1583
01:24:53.780 --> 01:24:57.900
but I am dating the tall guy.

1584
01:24:57.900 --> 01:24:59.820
Do you see how short I am?

1585
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:01.360
I'm in four inch heels.

1586
01:25:01.360 --> 01:25:03.220
Yeah, he's six two and I'm four 11.

1587
01:25:03.220 --> 01:25:04.260
It's not right.

1588
01:25:05.780 --> 01:25:07.200
So there's my compromise.

1589
01:25:07.200 --> 01:25:08.800
I did not pick the tall guy.

1590
01:25:08.800 --> 01:25:09.920
Okay.

1591
01:25:09.920 --> 01:25:10.760
All right.

1592
01:25:10.760 --> 01:25:12.320
Raise your hand if you need me, we're doing good.

1593
01:25:12.320 --> 01:25:13.760
I'm gonna take a couple more,

1594
01:25:13.760 --> 01:25:15.160
but I'm gonna make sure

1595
01:25:15.160 --> 01:25:17.680
if you're still healing from burn, which.

1596
01:25:20.360 --> 01:25:22.760
You guys, like there's no time,

1597
01:25:22.760 --> 01:25:25.520
there's no specific time on rebound.

1598
01:25:25.520 --> 01:25:28.080
It really has to do with how much work you've done

1599
01:25:28.080 --> 01:25:29.440
and how healthy you are.

1600
01:25:30.280 --> 01:25:33.920
So I know some people can do the work and get pat.

1601
01:25:33.920 --> 01:25:35.800
I will say this, like when I broke up,

1602
01:25:35.800 --> 01:25:38.400
when Jeff and I broke up like eight years ago,

1603
01:25:38.400 --> 01:25:39.600
I was devastated.

1604
01:25:39.600 --> 01:25:41.280
I don't think I could date for a year.

1605
01:25:41.280 --> 01:25:42.800
I was devastated.

1606
01:25:42.800 --> 01:25:46.080
But then when Grover and I broke up two years ago,

1607
01:25:46.080 --> 01:25:47.740
I felt relieved.

1608
01:25:47.740 --> 01:25:49.140
Y'all, I felt relieved.

1609
01:25:49.140 --> 01:25:50.280
I don't know why.

1610
01:25:50.280 --> 01:25:52.520
And that tells me I shouldn't have been marrying him.

1611
01:25:52.520 --> 01:25:53.520
I felt relieved.

1612
01:25:53.520 --> 01:25:55.280
I was ready to date in two weeks

1613
01:25:55.280 --> 01:25:57.460
and I was in a pre-marriage class with him.

1614
01:25:57.460 --> 01:26:00.940
So you just never know where people are in that.

1615
01:26:00.940 --> 01:26:04.680
Okay, will all the men have gone through the heartwork?

1616
01:26:07.620 --> 01:26:11.660
Allison, every man that is in the program right now

1617
01:26:11.660 --> 01:26:14.340
is also doing the heartwork with you.

1618
01:26:14.340 --> 01:26:18.300
I suspect we're gonna get men of all different,

1619
01:26:18.300 --> 01:26:19.500
like single nation.

1620
01:26:19.500 --> 01:26:20.740
If you are in single nation,

1621
01:26:20.740 --> 01:26:23.780
those are not all men that have done the heartwork,

1622
01:26:23.780 --> 01:26:26.420
but they are all men that are real men.

1623
01:26:26.420 --> 01:26:29.780
So if there are men in the program

1624
01:26:29.780 --> 01:26:32.660
and in the dating app within the program,

1625
01:26:33.500 --> 01:26:35.220
it's an opportunity for you to ask

1626
01:26:35.220 --> 01:26:36.780
if they're doing the heartwork or not.

1627
01:26:36.780 --> 01:26:39.020
See, here's the problem, you guys.

1628
01:26:39.020 --> 01:26:40.740
A lot of times women come in this program,

1629
01:26:40.740 --> 01:26:44.480
they're like, I only wanna date men who do the heartwork.

1630
01:26:44.480 --> 01:26:46.060
Well, where are all the men?

1631
01:26:46.060 --> 01:26:50.420
Well, okay, not as many men are jumping to do the heartwork,

1632
01:26:50.420 --> 01:26:53.020
believe it or not, like women are.

1633
01:26:53.020 --> 01:26:56.540
And so we are always trying to find that fine line

1634
01:26:56.540 --> 01:26:58.980
of making our program accessible

1635
01:26:58.980 --> 01:27:01.020
for all men who wanna show up,

1636
01:27:02.420 --> 01:27:05.880
depending on where they are in their heartwork readiness,

1637
01:27:05.880 --> 01:27:08.060
but also have enough men for you guys to meet.

1638
01:27:08.060 --> 01:27:10.380
So we're trying to do the best that we can

1639
01:27:10.380 --> 01:27:12.660
and trying to strike the right balance.

1640
01:27:12.660 --> 01:27:16.580
And so I suspect as we move into the app

1641
01:27:16.580 --> 01:27:18.340
and as we create the dating app,

1642
01:27:18.340 --> 01:27:20.060
we're gonna get a lot more men.

1643
01:27:20.060 --> 01:27:22.740
I cannot guarantee that all of those men

1644
01:27:23.460 --> 01:27:25.700
are doing the heartwork to the degree that you are,

1645
01:27:25.700 --> 01:27:29.300
which means you need to be cautious.

1646
01:27:29.300 --> 01:27:31.300
However, it's gonna be a great app

1647
01:27:31.300 --> 01:27:33.860
because it's only gonna be men in the program

1648
01:27:33.860 --> 01:27:35.620
that were recommended by other women.

1649
01:27:35.620 --> 01:27:36.700
So it's a community,

1650
01:27:36.700 --> 01:27:39.620
it's gonna be community-based matchmaking.

1651
01:27:39.620 --> 01:27:42.900
So unlike an app, there's gonna be no robots,

1652
01:27:42.900 --> 01:27:44.460
there's gonna be no scammers,

1653
01:27:44.460 --> 01:27:46.220
and we're gonna make sure only men

1654
01:27:46.220 --> 01:27:50.900
who have been vetted are in the program.

1655
01:27:50.900 --> 01:27:53.500
So like sometimes I might meet a guy

1656
01:27:53.500 --> 01:27:57.380
that I thought was really nice, but he wasn't my guy,

1657
01:27:57.380 --> 01:27:59.260
I would recommend him to the program, right?

1658
01:27:59.260 --> 01:28:00.580
Cause he's somebody's guy.

1659
01:28:01.540 --> 01:28:02.380
Okay.

1660
01:28:06.220 --> 01:28:07.060
Yeah.

1661
01:28:07.060 --> 01:28:07.880
All right.

1662
01:28:07.880 --> 01:28:08.720
Sounds good.

1663
01:28:08.720 --> 01:28:09.560
All right.

1664
01:28:09.560 --> 01:28:10.380
I think we're all set.

1665
01:28:10.380 --> 01:28:11.860
It is the bottom of the hour.

1666
01:28:11.860 --> 01:28:13.140
You guys were so much fun.

1667
01:28:13.140 --> 01:28:16.540
So if this was your first time coming, please come back.

1668
01:28:16.540 --> 01:28:18.740
We have lots of fun here.

1669
01:28:18.740 --> 01:28:23.020
I always give you guys about an hour to ask your questions

1670
01:28:23.020 --> 01:28:26.540
and get in the hot seat with me and cheer you on.

1671
01:28:26.540 --> 01:28:28.980
And I will see you in phase three too,

1672
01:28:28.980 --> 01:28:30.060
as long as you wanna be here.

1673
01:28:30.060 --> 01:28:33.220
You guys just stay in the community, stay in the program,

1674
01:28:33.220 --> 01:28:34.540
even if you're frustrated,

1675
01:28:34.540 --> 01:28:36.020
even if you're not dating anybody,

1676
01:28:36.020 --> 01:28:39.040
even if you're in a slump, we've all been in a slump.

1677
01:28:39.980 --> 01:28:42.060
I can honestly tell you, you guys,

1678
01:28:42.060 --> 01:28:44.340
I've been in this program longer than I wanted to be

1679
01:28:44.340 --> 01:28:46.780
before I got married, but you know what?

1680
01:28:46.780 --> 01:28:51.380
Like God has brought somebody to me that was worth it.

1681
01:28:51.380 --> 01:28:53.980
And I'm so glad I did not compromise

1682
01:28:53.980 --> 01:28:58.220
just to finish the program faster, if that makes sense.

1683
01:28:58.220 --> 01:28:59.100
All right.

1684
01:28:59.100 --> 01:29:02.300
Go and have a God blessed night.

1685
01:29:02.300 --> 01:29:03.400
See you all next week.