WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.000 All right. Hello everyone. 2 00:00:15.000 --> 00:00:16.000 All right. 3 00:00:16.000 --> 00:00:27.000 All right. I want to remind all of you that if you're doing anything distracting in your video besides just sitting there listening let's make sure that we turn our videos off, because it is very distracting. 4 00:00:27.000 --> 00:00:37.000 So if you're walking if you're outside if you're exercising if you're eating even go ahead and turn off your video until you're done doing that and then you can put your video back on later. 5 00:00:37.000 --> 00:00:49.000 All right. And sometimes our hosts will go ahead and turn your video off for you. If you are being distracting. All right, we love you, but we want everyone to be able to focus. 6 00:00:49.000 --> 00:01:01.000 And in the zoom call, it's very difficult to focus if there's a lot of activity going on. Right, lots of people off camera tonight, nobody wants to show their face on the love seat. 7 00:01:01.000 --> 00:01:03.000 All right. 8 00:01:03.000 --> 00:01:11.000 Okay, hold on one sec. 9 00:01:11.000 --> 00:01:22.000 All right, I want to give a hard start for everyone so welcome tonight to love seats. If you've never been to a love seat before because maybe you're new to phase three or you're new to the men's group. 10 00:01:22.000 --> 00:01:34.000 I want to tell you that love seat is a place where we talk about love. We talk about relationships. And if you're brave, you can jump into the hot seats. 11 00:01:35.000 --> 00:01:55.000 The love seat and talk about a scenario that's going on in your life. Maybe something that happened on a data gap, maybe something that's happening in real time with a person that you're beginning to talk to, or you're beginning to date, and we can definitely help you and give you advice in those scenarios and then everybody else gets to hear as well, and they get to learn. 12 00:01:56.000 --> 00:02:22.000 So tonight we're going to do a hybrid of regular love seat with part two of relationship expectations. I know that a lot of you had a lot of questions based on our last path session. If you didn't get to watch last Thursday's session of relationship expectation based on the relationship stages, the levels, one, two, three, four, five, then we want you to watch that. 13 00:02:22.000 --> 00:02:28.000 And we're going to go ahead and continue that discussion tonight. Sound good, everybody. 14 00:02:28.000 --> 00:02:40.000 I know I'm excited. We have a lot of new men that have joined our group just recently so want to welcome them I see some of them here right now I see James and Thomas here on the homepage that I can see I'm on my iPad. 15 00:02:41.000 --> 00:02:49.000 So I'll have to scroll through to see who else is here. Joshua's in the house he's new so ladies make sure you make all these men feel welcome. 16 00:02:49.000 --> 00:02:57.000 It's kind of like the Hunger Games may the odds forever be in your favor because on tonight, the odds are in these men's favor. 17 00:02:57.000 --> 00:03:07.000 Mike's here tonight because there's probably 30 of you for every one of them. So, happy hunting, gentlemen. 18 00:03:08.000 --> 00:03:13.000 Okay, good stuff. And then of course Paul's here I see Paul he's an OG though. 19 00:03:13.000 --> 00:03:31.000 Alright, so we're gonna kick off with love seats but first I want to say something at the very beginning. Some of you want customized advice. So you might post in a group you might post on a roll call you might ask for advice on your situation. 20 00:03:31.000 --> 00:03:37.000 I just want to tell you ahead of time the advice is not always going to be what you want to hear. 21 00:03:37.000 --> 00:03:53.000 You know, I love to tell people what they want to hear I love to be the person that says yes and be the confirmation for you and say yes go for it it's great it's wonderful green flags are waving all the lights are green go go go go go let's go. 22 00:03:54.000 --> 00:04:09.000 I love to be that person. And a lot of times when someone posts a question or maybe they book a one on one call with me or another coach, and they put in the, the little customized sheet what they want to talk about. 23 00:04:09.000 --> 00:04:20.000 I can already tell that it's not going to be a great conversation that there's going to be some hard truths that are going to be that are going to be shared, and that it's probably not going to be what they want to hear. 24 00:04:20.000 --> 00:04:35.000 Because let's be honest with ourselves, a lot of times we show up. And we asked for advice, but all we're really asking for is for someone to give us permission to go ahead and do something that we already deep down inside know is not the right thing. 25 00:04:36.000 --> 00:04:39.000 Anybody else. 26 00:04:39.000 --> 00:04:55.000 And we'll paint those questions in a way, or we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll say those questions in a way to try to make it seem favorable to hopefully not let them see the disorder and the dysfunction in the situation. 27 00:04:55.000 --> 00:05:00.000 So, yeah, that sounds great. Sure. Thumbs up. Go for it. You know, go ahead. 28 00:05:00.960 --> 00:05:08.400 But Holy Spirit has given me training to be a matchbreaker, not just a matchmaker. 29 00:05:09.760 --> 00:05:14.160 And so if there's something unhealthy that's going on there, I'm going to call it out. 30 00:05:14.160 --> 00:05:17.280 And if you get offended at me, I'm still going to call it out. 31 00:05:18.080 --> 00:05:22.880 All right. That's part of the God defense system. I want you to be God defended. 32 00:05:23.840 --> 00:05:27.440 The last thing that I want is for you to show up two years down the line and say, 33 00:05:27.440 --> 00:05:32.800 Hey, you know, Jackie, why didn't you, why didn't you tell me that this seemed unhealthy? 34 00:05:34.320 --> 00:05:41.520 Just because I wanted you to be happy, right? No, I'd rather you be happy long-term longevity 35 00:05:41.520 --> 00:05:47.040 happiness than happy right now, but headed your little car headed towards the cliff. 36 00:05:50.000 --> 00:05:52.560 This right here is where my daughter is getting married. 37 00:05:52.560 --> 00:05:58.720 Marfa. Okay. I just saw that in the camera and I'm like, Oh, I got my Marfa cup. 38 00:05:59.360 --> 00:06:03.760 All right. So please do not shoot the messenger. Don't shoot the messenger. 39 00:06:03.760 --> 00:06:10.000 Put your gun down. All right. So that goes for tonight. If you jump in the love seat 40 00:06:10.000 --> 00:06:15.600 and you don't like the advice, no one made you get in the love seat. 41 00:06:19.360 --> 00:06:21.280 And that's pretty much all I have to say about that. 42 00:06:22.640 --> 00:06:25.280 All right. So on that note, who wants to go first? 43 00:06:32.320 --> 00:06:34.960 I feel like a panda without my spots y'all. Cause I don't have any, 44 00:06:34.960 --> 00:06:41.600 I don't have my glasses on. I don't have my mask on. I'm like panda. I'm a savage. 45 00:06:43.520 --> 00:06:46.080 I'm not though. I'll go. 46 00:06:46.480 --> 00:06:51.840 Lily. All right. We got a Brunette Lily. We've got a redheaded Lily going on here. Go ahead. 47 00:06:51.840 --> 00:06:56.000 Trying to go to my natural color. Right away from the lawn. Thank you. Appreciate that. 48 00:06:56.640 --> 00:07:04.320 I have a question. So I am in a level three relationship. It's been great. However, 49 00:07:05.040 --> 00:07:10.080 he has been married four times. He's been single nine years, done a lot of healing, 50 00:07:10.080 --> 00:07:14.000 a lot of therapy, all those kinds of things. Has a master's degree in marriage and family 51 00:07:14.000 --> 00:07:20.640 counseling from Liberty diversity that he just received recently. Spent a lot of time on that, 52 00:07:21.680 --> 00:07:28.320 but he seems a little shy about marriage, you know, and rightfully so. What is, 53 00:07:30.080 --> 00:07:36.400 what is a normal timeframe to expect the relationship to be? 54 00:07:37.360 --> 00:07:43.360 To expect the relationship to go to level three, I'm sorry, level four and five 55 00:07:44.320 --> 00:07:49.680 for that kind of situation. So a lot of good, a lot of good things in Lily's question in the 56 00:07:49.680 --> 00:07:55.040 love seat here. Number one, I want to make sure that it's not lost on any of us, especially the 57 00:07:55.040 --> 00:08:02.400 new people that Lily who has not been in this program for very long. She came into this program 58 00:08:02.400 --> 00:08:08.960 with very low hope that this was going to happen for her. She was here by divine appointment. She 59 00:08:08.960 --> 00:08:14.080 was being obedient and coming in, but a lot of her posts started with, you know, this isn't 60 00:08:14.080 --> 00:08:17.920 going to happen for me. Men don't like me where I'm in. I don't understand. I don't, you know, 61 00:08:17.920 --> 00:08:23.120 so much. And you see that she's now in a level three relationship with someone that she really 62 00:08:23.120 --> 00:08:30.240 likes. And so for all of you that believe that this cannot happen for you, Lily is proving you 63 00:08:30.240 --> 00:08:37.919 wrong. Okay. She's had, and she's had such a makeover, not just the outside, but the inside. 64 00:08:37.919 --> 00:08:43.280 And this is just really a testing to what heartwork can do when you let it work hard and 65 00:08:43.280 --> 00:08:50.000 heartwork will work if you let it work. And so she so first of all, I've had former clients, 66 00:08:50.000 --> 00:08:54.400 both men and women that have been much married. And so this guy's been married four times. 67 00:08:54.400 --> 00:08:59.360 And so that is not a deterrent for me. A lot of you be like, Whoa, you know, you might get a do 68 00:08:59.360 --> 00:09:03.040 over. You might get a second chance, but not a third chance, not a fourth chance on a fifth 69 00:09:03.040 --> 00:09:10.240 chance. But the most important thing is that what did you learn from the failure of those marriages? 70 00:09:10.240 --> 00:09:13.440 What did you learn from the failure of this marriage? So Lily, you don't have to answer 71 00:09:13.440 --> 00:09:17.760 any of these questions. If you know the answers, you don't have to share them. But number one, 72 00:09:17.760 --> 00:09:22.560 if someone has been divorced and you get to level three with them, I don't care if it's one divorce 73 00:09:22.560 --> 00:09:27.680 two, three, four, five, whatever, you know, one of the questions that you need to ask them as 74 00:09:27.680 --> 00:09:34.000 not right out the gate, but in those higher levels of two, where you're becoming more exclusive, 75 00:09:34.000 --> 00:09:37.760 the other people are fading away. You're not dating anyone else. And then you become boyfriend, 76 00:09:37.760 --> 00:09:43.040 girlfriend in a courtship. You want to know what did they learn and what part did they play in 77 00:09:43.040 --> 00:09:47.600 their divorces? What part did they play? And if the part that they played in their divorces was 78 00:09:48.400 --> 00:09:52.560 infidelity, if they, if they had, if they committed adultery, if they cheated on their 79 00:09:52.560 --> 00:09:58.160 former spouse, you got to have more information about that. All right. How many times did they 80 00:09:58.160 --> 00:09:59.760 cheat? How many years did they cheat? 81 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:01.600 We'll never forget. 82 00:10:01.600 --> 00:10:02.800 I will never forget y'all. 83 00:10:02.800 --> 00:10:06.220 We had a couple in Simbis and he was divorced. 84 00:10:06.220 --> 00:10:08.780 He had been divorced for many years, had not remarried. 85 00:10:08.780 --> 00:10:10.820 I can't even remember how many years he'd been divorced. 86 00:10:10.820 --> 00:10:12.360 Oh, actually, I'm sorry. 87 00:10:12.360 --> 00:10:14.640 His wife passed away. 88 00:10:14.640 --> 00:10:16.120 Okay, they weren't divorced. 89 00:10:16.120 --> 00:10:17.200 She had passed away. 90 00:10:17.200 --> 00:10:18.680 I can't really remember how many years 91 00:10:18.680 --> 00:10:20.160 she had been passed away. 92 00:10:20.160 --> 00:10:23.920 And he was in Simbis with one of our ladies 93 00:10:23.920 --> 00:10:25.960 and they were considering getting engaged 94 00:10:25.960 --> 00:10:26.800 and getting married. 95 00:10:26.800 --> 00:10:29.800 And so working through all the hard questions. 96 00:10:29.880 --> 00:10:34.880 And I remember being on a one-on-one with them 97 00:10:36.360 --> 00:10:38.760 because there was some deeper things 98 00:10:38.760 --> 00:10:41.600 that had to be discussed outside of Simbis. 99 00:10:41.600 --> 00:10:43.260 And I remember asking, 100 00:10:44.520 --> 00:10:46.760 were you happily married to your first wife? 101 00:10:46.760 --> 00:10:48.120 Yeah, we were happily married, 102 00:10:48.120 --> 00:10:52.400 but I was unfaithful, that I was unfaithful. 103 00:10:52.400 --> 00:10:54.760 She forgave me, we stayed together, yada, yada. 104 00:10:54.760 --> 00:10:56.120 Okay, great. 105 00:10:56.120 --> 00:10:58.800 So how many times were you unfaithful? 106 00:10:58.800 --> 00:11:01.000 For how long were you unfaithful? 107 00:11:01.000 --> 00:11:03.400 And then ended up coming out that he was unfaithful 108 00:11:03.400 --> 00:11:06.120 for a majority of the marriage. 109 00:11:06.120 --> 00:11:07.140 Yeah, she's passed away 110 00:11:07.140 --> 00:11:09.440 and they were married for a long time, y'all. 111 00:11:09.440 --> 00:11:12.120 And so then the question became this, 112 00:11:12.120 --> 00:11:14.420 how long were you faithful for? 113 00:11:14.420 --> 00:11:18.960 How long after you got caught and you were forgiven 114 00:11:18.960 --> 00:11:20.800 were you faithful for before she died? 115 00:11:20.800 --> 00:11:22.080 Like how much of the marriage 116 00:11:22.080 --> 00:11:24.240 were you actually a one-woman man? 117 00:11:24.240 --> 00:11:25.540 Because these are important questions. 118 00:11:25.540 --> 00:11:26.880 And gentlemen, it goes the same way. 119 00:11:26.880 --> 00:11:28.640 Women cheat too. 120 00:11:29.480 --> 00:11:30.320 And it's not just about infidelity, 121 00:11:30.320 --> 00:11:31.800 but if infidelity comes up, 122 00:11:31.800 --> 00:11:36.160 you gotta find out what someone has learned from that. 123 00:11:36.160 --> 00:11:39.800 Because as soon as someone gets unhappy in a marriage, 124 00:11:39.800 --> 00:11:43.320 if their MO is to go try to find something better, 125 00:11:43.320 --> 00:11:44.520 but not leave the marriage, 126 00:11:44.520 --> 00:11:46.200 go try to scratch their itch 127 00:11:46.200 --> 00:11:47.960 or go try to find someone to tell them 128 00:11:47.960 --> 00:11:51.840 that they're pretty, that's a problem. 129 00:11:53.240 --> 00:11:54.280 And we wanna make sure 130 00:11:54.280 --> 00:11:57.360 that that's no longer a problem currently. 131 00:11:57.360 --> 00:11:59.440 And so Lily said something important. 132 00:11:59.440 --> 00:12:01.280 He's been, this last marriage, 133 00:12:01.280 --> 00:12:02.920 he's been out of it for nine years. 134 00:12:02.920 --> 00:12:04.480 He hasn't been in a relationship. 135 00:12:04.480 --> 00:12:05.400 Well, you didn't say that, 136 00:12:05.400 --> 00:12:07.280 but he's been single for nine years. 137 00:12:07.280 --> 00:12:09.600 Hasn't obviously gotten remarried in nine years. 138 00:12:09.600 --> 00:12:11.520 Don't know if there was any serious relationships 139 00:12:11.520 --> 00:12:14.600 in those nine years, but he went, got therapy 140 00:12:14.600 --> 00:12:17.640 and even went and became a therapist himself 141 00:12:17.640 --> 00:12:20.080 in the area of marriage and family. 142 00:12:20.080 --> 00:12:21.960 So he definitely learned some things for sure, 143 00:12:21.960 --> 00:12:23.080 right there, right? 144 00:12:23.760 --> 00:12:27.800 But he is not necessarily sold on himself 145 00:12:28.880 --> 00:12:30.520 being married again. 146 00:12:30.520 --> 00:12:32.720 But Lily, have you ever been married before? 147 00:12:34.880 --> 00:12:36.120 Yes, I've had two marriages. 148 00:12:36.120 --> 00:12:38.200 One for 11 months when I was 19 years old 149 00:12:38.200 --> 00:12:39.520 and one for 23 years 150 00:12:39.520 --> 00:12:42.320 that I've been single seven years now, divorced. 151 00:12:42.320 --> 00:12:44.680 Okay, so you know what it's like to be married 152 00:12:44.680 --> 00:12:45.880 and to be out of a marriage 153 00:12:45.880 --> 00:12:49.440 and the aftermath and the healing and all of those things. 154 00:12:49.440 --> 00:12:52.160 And so we can understand that this man 155 00:12:52.200 --> 00:12:55.320 would be a little hesitant to get remarried 156 00:12:55.320 --> 00:12:57.400 because of the things that he's experienced, 157 00:12:57.400 --> 00:13:00.320 whether that was on him or on them or on both, 158 00:13:00.320 --> 00:13:02.320 which is usually the story. 159 00:13:02.320 --> 00:13:03.320 And so- 160 00:13:04.960 --> 00:13:05.800 I would say that- 161 00:13:05.800 --> 00:13:08.080 He tells me he's looking for his last wife. 162 00:13:08.080 --> 00:13:10.800 So he says he is marriage-minded, 163 00:13:10.800 --> 00:13:12.800 but he also says to me, 164 00:13:12.800 --> 00:13:15.960 he has to date someone at least a year 165 00:13:15.960 --> 00:13:19.440 before he would even consider marrying someone. 166 00:13:19.440 --> 00:13:20.920 I don't have a problem with that. 167 00:13:20.920 --> 00:13:21.760 Okay. I don't have a problem 168 00:13:22.320 --> 00:13:23.160 with that. 169 00:13:23.160 --> 00:13:24.120 How long have you guys been dating? 170 00:13:24.120 --> 00:13:27.240 About six weeks and he wanted to be exclusive. 171 00:13:27.240 --> 00:13:29.360 So kind of right off the box. 172 00:13:29.360 --> 00:13:30.200 Right. 173 00:13:30.200 --> 00:13:32.840 So here's my questions that I would ask him if I were you. 174 00:13:32.840 --> 00:13:35.800 So you're looking for your last first date. 175 00:13:35.800 --> 00:13:37.880 You're looking for your final wife. 176 00:13:37.880 --> 00:13:40.680 You've learned enough, you know better. 177 00:13:40.680 --> 00:13:44.640 And you have now gotten me into an exclusive relationship. 178 00:13:44.640 --> 00:13:46.240 So you must think I'm her. 179 00:13:47.240 --> 00:13:50.960 You know, and I wouldn't have any problem 180 00:13:50.960 --> 00:13:53.480 with you guys seeing each other in every season, 181 00:13:53.480 --> 00:13:55.560 you know, spring, summer, fall, winter, 182 00:13:55.560 --> 00:13:56.680 before saying I do. 183 00:13:56.680 --> 00:13:58.080 You guys, there's nothing wrong with that. 184 00:13:58.080 --> 00:14:00.840 In fact, the first brand of married in 12 months or less, 185 00:14:00.840 --> 00:14:02.320 that's what it meant. 186 00:14:02.320 --> 00:14:05.720 It meant, you know, being together for, you know, 187 00:14:05.720 --> 00:14:07.360 12 months and then getting married. 188 00:14:07.360 --> 00:14:09.120 Some people date for two years, three years, 189 00:14:09.120 --> 00:14:09.960 four years, five years. 190 00:14:09.960 --> 00:14:12.440 I'm not in, I'm not on that train. 191 00:14:12.440 --> 00:14:14.880 If you don't know after a year, gentlemen, 192 00:14:14.880 --> 00:14:17.080 that she's the one that you want to propose to 193 00:14:17.080 --> 00:14:18.960 and you want to make your wife, 194 00:14:18.960 --> 00:14:20.800 then you're not gonna know. 195 00:14:20.800 --> 00:14:22.800 There's something else going on, something deeper. 196 00:14:22.800 --> 00:14:24.840 There's inner healing that's needed. 197 00:14:24.840 --> 00:14:27.840 There's, you know, all kinds of different things 198 00:14:27.840 --> 00:14:29.800 that are happening that are keeping you 199 00:14:29.800 --> 00:14:31.040 from being able to make that decision, 200 00:14:31.040 --> 00:14:32.840 especially at these ages 201 00:14:32.840 --> 00:14:35.120 that we are representing in this group. 202 00:14:35.120 --> 00:14:37.520 And so I would be okay with that. 203 00:14:37.520 --> 00:14:39.200 Now, here's the thing. 204 00:14:39.200 --> 00:14:42.600 If you feel like, and it might not take him a year, 205 00:14:42.600 --> 00:14:44.240 you know, he might know after six months 206 00:14:44.600 --> 00:14:46.680 as you guys continue to grow and progress together. 207 00:14:46.680 --> 00:14:50.480 But if you feel also like he's husband material 208 00:14:50.480 --> 00:14:52.280 and you want to grow with him, 209 00:14:52.280 --> 00:14:53.120 obviously you do, 210 00:14:53.120 --> 00:14:55.560 because you said yes to being his girlfriend. 211 00:14:55.560 --> 00:15:00.560 But in the first, you know, couple months, 212 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:05.840 months of this arrangement where your boyfriend and girlfriend, if you do not see progress, 213 00:15:06.800 --> 00:15:12.400 um, then there needs to be further conversations. If there, if you don't see progress, if you don't 214 00:15:12.400 --> 00:15:17.040 see him becoming more vulnerable, letting you in, if you're not learning more about the failed 215 00:15:17.040 --> 00:15:21.360 marriages and what happened in those things and how this is going to be different relationship 216 00:15:21.360 --> 00:15:25.920 in his life, then, you know, he doesn't have enough healing to go all the way to the finish 217 00:15:25.920 --> 00:15:31.600 line. All right. So he should start letting you in as you go forward. And so we, the jury's 218 00:15:31.600 --> 00:15:35.600 completely out on this, but guys in all relationships where you've made it to level 219 00:15:35.600 --> 00:15:42.320 three, one of your expectations should be that you're growing together in intimacy into me, 220 00:15:42.320 --> 00:15:48.240 see meaning vulnerability, finding out about this person, what makes them take what they want in 221 00:15:48.240 --> 00:15:54.320 the future. You should also see, um, them becoming a better version of themselves. Spirit mates will 222 00:15:54.320 --> 00:16:00.800 draw people. They will draw each other higher spiritually, relationally, mentally, physically, 223 00:16:00.800 --> 00:16:06.800 emotionally. Um, you should be coming better and closer to God, not becoming worse and further 224 00:16:06.800 --> 00:16:12.720 away from God. That's what I'm finding. And this will be my first Christian relationship. So that's 225 00:16:12.720 --> 00:16:21.040 what I'm finding with this man is that spiritually it is like on fire. Wait, it's amazing. So thank 226 00:16:21.040 --> 00:16:24.880 you for your answering that check. I appreciate that. That's awesome. All right. Well, we're 227 00:16:24.880 --> 00:16:29.040 rooting for you. So keep us posted. Thank you. All right, Mandy, you're up. 228 00:16:32.160 --> 00:16:39.840 Okay. So I have been in a level three relationship for about four months, three, 229 00:16:39.840 --> 00:16:46.000 four months going out and close to four months now. And, um, it's long distance. So that's been 230 00:16:46.000 --> 00:16:54.240 a little bit of a challenge, but, uh, with his job, his name is Sean. He can move and he would, 231 00:16:54.240 --> 00:17:01.280 would love to move. He's actually coming up here to Michigan in may to meet my kids. Um, 232 00:17:02.160 --> 00:17:07.599 and I guess that's my question is, um, well, I have two questions. One, 233 00:17:08.880 --> 00:17:14.960 what does that look like? Um, for the meeting of my kids, my kids are all like one second. 234 00:17:14.960 --> 00:17:21.440 How old are your kids? Um, the oldest is 27 and the twins are 15. So there's six of them 235 00:17:21.440 --> 00:17:28.560 from 27 to 15. Um, and they have like kind of met him on FaceTime. You know what I mean? Like 236 00:17:28.560 --> 00:17:36.720 they've done that. They really like him. Um, he's super excited, uh, to be a part of my family. 237 00:17:36.720 --> 00:17:41.920 Like he's very marriage minded. And I thought that he had the three M's like he was masculine. 238 00:17:41.920 --> 00:17:49.280 He was marriage minded and he was very mature. And then, um, just a couple of days ago, he, um, 239 00:17:51.200 --> 00:17:56.320 I think he's an Enneagram three. I don't know if you know what Enneagram is, but, um, so he's like 240 00:17:56.320 --> 00:18:02.000 super goal oriented and he likes to be the best at everything he does and all that goes with being a 241 00:18:02.000 --> 00:18:10.080 three. And, um, he was raised in a very strict Lutheran home and he's recovering from that. 242 00:18:10.640 --> 00:18:19.440 Uh, he was adopted from Korea by some pastors and had a pretty violent rough upbringing. Um, anyway, 243 00:18:19.440 --> 00:18:27.280 so he's recovering from all of that, but, um, he recently chose to leave. He had two positions, um, 244 00:18:28.160 --> 00:18:33.840 in like C-suite positions with two different companies. And he told, he chose to leave one 245 00:18:33.840 --> 00:18:39.040 that he has more time for relationship and family and whatever comes down the Pike. 246 00:18:39.040 --> 00:18:47.120 So I feel like he's being, um, intentional about making room in his life, but because that 247 00:18:47.120 --> 00:18:52.560 toxic situation that he left, they didn't like run after him and offer him more money and like 248 00:18:52.560 --> 00:18:59.920 beg him to stay and whatever really took a hit to his ego. And so I, he didn't like spiral, 249 00:18:59.920 --> 00:19:06.160 spiral, but I sort of saw him like really get knocked off his pedestal, I guess, or whatever. 250 00:19:06.160 --> 00:19:15.520 And it scared me because my ex-husband of 20 years. Okay. So we need, we need like 251 00:19:16.240 --> 00:19:24.640 details of what it is that you saw. What are the like, he was like, um, so I'm supposed to go 252 00:19:24.640 --> 00:19:30.880 visit. I stay with, um, his, um, his small group leaders when I visit him in Tennessee. Um, 253 00:19:31.840 --> 00:19:36.480 and I'm supposed to go down and visit this weekend for several days. And he was like, 254 00:19:36.480 --> 00:19:41.600 maybe you shouldn't come. I just really have to get like, you deserve someone better, blah, blah, 255 00:19:41.600 --> 00:19:46.560 blah. And I was like, where is this coming from? It was, I don't, I don't even know. 256 00:19:46.560 --> 00:19:52.160 And so we had a conversation, we talked it all through. Um, but I'm like, I need, 257 00:19:52.160 --> 00:19:58.160 I'm kind of a go-getter, right? Like I can't have some, I don't know, I need a masculine man. 258 00:19:58.160 --> 00:19:59.840 And so I can't. 259 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.760 I have like a sissy or somebody who's like super, I will literally walk all over somebody. 260 00:20:04.760 --> 00:20:11.320 I have a strong personality and so I can't, I need someone that also has a strong personality. 261 00:20:11.320 --> 00:20:17.560 And so this was like the first time that I saw him sort of get rocked a little bit and 262 00:20:17.560 --> 00:20:23.000 we worked through it and it, and we're good now, but just his initial, like his gut reaction 263 00:20:23.000 --> 00:20:29.360 of this, like victim mindset, self-deprecating, you know, how he was talking poorly about 264 00:20:29.360 --> 00:20:32.400 himself like that to me is a lot of it. 265 00:20:32.400 --> 00:20:34.400 It's very, it turns me off. 266 00:20:34.400 --> 00:20:38.160 I want any part of that. 267 00:20:38.160 --> 00:20:39.160 All right. 268 00:20:39.160 --> 00:20:43.680 So here's the thing, everybody, all right, nobody's perfect. 269 00:20:43.680 --> 00:20:45.000 Okay. 270 00:20:45.000 --> 00:20:46.640 Nobody's perfect. 271 00:20:46.640 --> 00:20:50.120 Everybody has what yellow flags. 272 00:20:50.120 --> 00:20:53.080 If you're new here, you're going to hear me say that a lot and it's important that you 273 00:20:53.080 --> 00:20:55.440 write that down because it's true. 274 00:20:55.440 --> 00:20:56.480 Everybody has yellow flags. 275 00:20:56.480 --> 00:20:59.440 No one is going to have everything that you want. 276 00:20:59.440 --> 00:21:00.440 Okay. 277 00:21:00.440 --> 00:21:02.400 This is not build a bear. 278 00:21:02.400 --> 00:21:03.400 Write that down. 279 00:21:03.400 --> 00:21:04.400 It's not build a bear. 280 00:21:04.400 --> 00:21:05.400 All right. 281 00:21:05.400 --> 00:21:06.400 You don't get to go. 282 00:21:06.400 --> 00:21:08.400 It's not build a man, Mandy. 283 00:21:08.400 --> 00:21:09.400 All right. 284 00:21:09.400 --> 00:21:11.560 It's not build a woman. 285 00:21:11.560 --> 00:21:16.080 You know, I heard a comedian say it differently and it's not, it's not good what he said, 286 00:21:16.080 --> 00:21:17.640 but it's not that either. 287 00:21:17.640 --> 00:21:18.640 Okay. 288 00:21:18.640 --> 00:21:19.640 And so, all right. 289 00:21:19.640 --> 00:21:25.320 So this guy, he, he went through a little thing and he's going to go through things. 290 00:21:25.320 --> 00:21:29.600 If you end up marrying him, there's going to be stuff because you guys, the mountaintop 291 00:21:29.600 --> 00:21:30.600 is great. 292 00:21:30.600 --> 00:21:33.840 If you want to see far and it's great, but we spend a lot of time in the Valley because 293 00:21:33.840 --> 00:21:37.600 that's where you grow the fruit, grow the fruit in the Valley. 294 00:21:37.600 --> 00:21:41.800 And so you're going to spend time in the Valley in marriage and it's important that your support 295 00:21:41.800 --> 00:21:44.360 each other there and help each other there. 296 00:21:44.360 --> 00:21:45.360 Okay. 297 00:21:45.360 --> 00:21:46.360 I will say this. 298 00:21:46.360 --> 00:21:49.440 Anytime I hear the code word, you deserve someone better. 299 00:21:49.440 --> 00:21:54.600 It's usually because that person is breaking up with us for other reasons. 300 00:21:54.600 --> 00:21:57.640 Not necessarily the reasons that we think it is. 301 00:21:57.640 --> 00:22:01.720 And if someone wants to be the good guy or the good girl and they don't want to hurt 302 00:22:01.720 --> 00:22:05.320 your feelings, they might make it be like, Oh, it's not you. 303 00:22:05.320 --> 00:22:06.320 It's me. 304 00:22:06.320 --> 00:22:09.240 But maybe they've met someone else or maybe something else is happening that you don't 305 00:22:09.240 --> 00:22:10.240 know. 306 00:22:10.240 --> 00:22:13.160 And in long distance relationships, I'm going to tell you right now, there's a lot of stuff 307 00:22:13.160 --> 00:22:16.600 that we don't know about that person because we're not doing life with them. 308 00:22:16.600 --> 00:22:20.560 So definitely keep your eyes open, not trying to be the bearer of bad news, but keep your 309 00:22:20.560 --> 00:22:22.000 eyes open for that. 310 00:22:22.000 --> 00:22:25.960 When it comes to your original question about introducing him to the kids, like you said, 311 00:22:25.960 --> 00:22:27.360 they've met him over FaceTime. 312 00:22:27.360 --> 00:22:31.520 All of your children are older, 15 year old twins being the youngest and then going up 313 00:22:31.520 --> 00:22:32.960 to 27. 314 00:22:32.960 --> 00:22:36.180 And so being real with your kids is important. 315 00:22:36.180 --> 00:22:40.120 So if he does come to visit, if they are going to meet him in person, you know, the kids 316 00:22:40.120 --> 00:22:43.840 that live at home still, the kids that don't live at home, just having a conversation and 317 00:22:43.840 --> 00:22:46.560 saying, Hey, look, you know, mom wants to get remarried. 318 00:22:46.560 --> 00:22:50.600 I don't know if this is him, but the only way that I'm going to find out is by dating. 319 00:22:50.600 --> 00:22:53.640 You know, there isn't any reason that any of us should become overly attached to him 320 00:22:53.640 --> 00:22:59.840 until we know that he's the guy, but he is someone that I care about and that I'm walking 321 00:22:59.840 --> 00:23:01.320 through this process with. 322 00:23:01.320 --> 00:23:02.320 And just be honest. 323 00:23:02.320 --> 00:23:07.040 Now, if your kids are littler, we have a whole different conversation because a lot of times 324 00:23:07.040 --> 00:23:11.400 kids that are little will latch on to someone of the opposite sex, especially if they do 325 00:23:11.400 --> 00:23:16.600 not have a strong relationship with their biological mother or father. 326 00:23:16.600 --> 00:23:18.840 You know, the, the person that's missing from the equation. 327 00:23:18.840 --> 00:23:21.960 So if you're the woman, you bring a man in, they're going to latch onto him. 328 00:23:21.960 --> 00:23:25.480 In fact, we've had one girl, she got married to him, thank goodness. 329 00:23:25.480 --> 00:23:30.240 But from the very first moment that her toddlers met him, they started calling him daddy. 330 00:23:30.240 --> 00:23:31.240 Okay. 331 00:23:31.240 --> 00:23:33.400 So that happens. 332 00:23:33.400 --> 00:23:37.760 And then of course, the same way, guys, if you have children and they don't have a strong 333 00:23:37.760 --> 00:23:43.560 mother figure, you bring a mom around a mom, a woman around, and they're, they're liable 334 00:23:43.560 --> 00:23:47.720 to either repel or latch one or the other. 335 00:23:47.720 --> 00:23:50.480 So Mandy have just a heart to heart with your kids. 336 00:23:50.480 --> 00:23:55.360 Let them know that you're not sure if this is going to go all the way that you're optimistic 337 00:23:55.360 --> 00:23:56.360 that it could. 338 00:23:56.360 --> 00:24:00.800 And that's why you guys are going to this level of introductions, but that all of you 339 00:24:00.800 --> 00:24:03.800 should guard your hearts. 340 00:24:03.800 --> 00:24:06.720 And I wouldn't hold this thing against him. 341 00:24:06.720 --> 00:24:14.680 See what else is possibly behind this whole, you know, all of a sudden, you know, Superman 342 00:24:14.680 --> 00:24:15.680 has kryptonite. 343 00:24:15.680 --> 00:24:16.680 We'll see. 344 00:24:16.680 --> 00:24:20.720 Just keep your eyes open and take a look and see what's up. 345 00:24:20.720 --> 00:24:21.720 I do agree. 346 00:24:21.720 --> 00:24:27.480 All of you strong ladies out there, if you do get with a passive man, you can do it. 347 00:24:27.480 --> 00:24:28.480 It is possible. 348 00:24:28.480 --> 00:24:31.160 Dave is definitely more passive than I am. 349 00:24:31.160 --> 00:24:35.840 But he also is very masculine. 350 00:24:35.840 --> 00:24:40.880 And you know, while he's laid back, I don't even think the word is passive is right. 351 00:24:40.880 --> 00:24:47.840 He, while he's laid back, he can become very vocal when something needs to happen. 352 00:24:47.840 --> 00:24:48.940 Right. 353 00:24:48.940 --> 00:24:51.760 And so that's really the balance that you want. 354 00:24:51.760 --> 00:24:54.360 You don't need an aggressive like alpha man. 355 00:24:54.360 --> 00:25:00.080 You need a man who is meek, which is power under control. 356 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.760 But while he might not be the person 357 00:25:02.760 --> 00:25:04.080 making the day-to-day decisions, 358 00:25:04.080 --> 00:25:05.400 he might be okay with you making 359 00:25:05.400 --> 00:25:07.120 the day-to-day household decisions, 360 00:25:07.120 --> 00:25:09.540 but when there's something that he feels strongly about, 361 00:25:09.540 --> 00:25:11.760 he will use his wisdom and he will use his voice 362 00:25:11.760 --> 00:25:14.680 to let you know, hey, I'm not comfortable with that. 363 00:25:14.680 --> 00:25:16.440 You don't want someone who's just gonna let you do 364 00:25:16.440 --> 00:25:20.440 whatever you wanna do with no, just have full license. 365 00:25:20.440 --> 00:25:22.740 That's definitely not a partnership. 366 00:25:25.920 --> 00:25:28.900 And some of y'all boss babes know what I'm talking about. 367 00:25:28.900 --> 00:25:31.880 You don't need to have a yes man in your life. 368 00:25:33.220 --> 00:25:34.540 You need to be told no. 369 00:25:35.980 --> 00:25:37.980 Guys, I heard my husband say to someone once, 370 00:25:37.980 --> 00:25:41.240 he said, yeah, it's like, I usually tell Jackie yes, 371 00:25:41.240 --> 00:25:43.060 but every once in a while, no matter what it is, 372 00:25:43.060 --> 00:25:44.120 I'll just say no. 373 00:25:45.100 --> 00:25:46.220 You know, it doesn't matter what it is. 374 00:25:46.220 --> 00:25:48.580 I'll just throw in a no, just for good measure. 375 00:25:50.180 --> 00:25:54.180 He's like, yes, yes, no, but babe, it's just ice cream. 376 00:25:54.180 --> 00:25:57.980 No, babe, no, we're not getting ice cream. 377 00:25:57.980 --> 00:25:59.340 The answer's no. 378 00:25:59.340 --> 00:26:00.240 I was like, what? 379 00:26:01.940 --> 00:26:03.180 Anyway, that's funny. 380 00:26:03.180 --> 00:26:07.360 Okay, you do need the no's, it's important. 381 00:26:07.360 --> 00:26:09.180 All right, good stuff. 382 00:26:10.340 --> 00:26:11.260 Okay, what else we got? 383 00:26:11.260 --> 00:26:12.760 Come on, the love seat's open. 384 00:26:18.100 --> 00:26:20.780 Okay, so let's throw an expectation in there. 385 00:26:20.780 --> 00:26:22.980 So she's at level three with this guy, right? 386 00:26:22.980 --> 00:26:25.260 Your exclusive boyfriend, girlfriend. 387 00:26:25.260 --> 00:26:28.900 And so your expectation at this level 388 00:26:28.900 --> 00:26:30.780 is that someone would let you in 389 00:26:30.780 --> 00:26:34.380 when they're going through a hard time at level three. 390 00:26:35.540 --> 00:26:36.380 They're gonna let you in. 391 00:26:36.380 --> 00:26:37.700 They're not gonna block you out. 392 00:26:37.700 --> 00:26:38.900 They're gonna be vulnerable with you. 393 00:26:38.900 --> 00:26:41.360 They're gonna tell you what's going on in their heart. 394 00:26:41.360 --> 00:26:45.180 If they lost their job, if they lost a pet or a parent, 395 00:26:45.180 --> 00:26:46.260 that they're going to invite you 396 00:26:46.260 --> 00:26:47.500 into their suffering with them. 397 00:26:47.500 --> 00:26:48.980 That's what the word compassion means. 398 00:26:48.980 --> 00:26:51.540 It means to enter the suffering of another. 399 00:26:51.540 --> 00:26:54.160 And so we need to be able to have compassion 400 00:26:54.160 --> 00:26:55.240 for one another. 401 00:26:55.240 --> 00:26:58.420 And you can't do that if they won't share with you 402 00:26:58.420 --> 00:26:59.840 how they're hurting. 403 00:26:59.840 --> 00:27:02.840 And so you can expect at level three 404 00:27:02.840 --> 00:27:06.480 that this person is letting you in to the deeper places. 405 00:27:06.480 --> 00:27:07.880 All right, Nitin, you're up. 406 00:27:09.360 --> 00:27:11.980 I think Gabriela was before me, Jackie. 407 00:27:11.980 --> 00:27:12.820 So I'm gonna give- 408 00:27:12.820 --> 00:27:13.640 Oh, okay. 409 00:27:13.640 --> 00:27:14.480 Yes, ladies first, Nitin. 410 00:27:14.480 --> 00:27:15.860 Gabriela, go ahead. 411 00:27:18.720 --> 00:27:19.720 Thank you. 412 00:27:19.720 --> 00:27:23.960 So I'm in a level two, only one date with a gentleman 413 00:27:24.760 --> 00:27:27.360 that says he's been divorced for a year. 414 00:27:27.360 --> 00:27:31.640 And he overshared on the first date about his ex-wife 415 00:27:32.640 --> 00:27:33.960 leaving him after five years 416 00:27:33.960 --> 00:27:36.520 after he finished remodeling their home. 417 00:27:36.520 --> 00:27:39.280 So, and he said that he's since learned 418 00:27:39.280 --> 00:27:40.360 about attachment styles 419 00:27:40.360 --> 00:27:42.000 and that she was a dismissive avoidant 420 00:27:42.000 --> 00:27:45.240 and that he's an anxious attachment style 421 00:27:45.240 --> 00:27:48.840 and that he was trying to lean in and fix things. 422 00:27:48.840 --> 00:27:50.400 And it was just repulsing her. 423 00:27:50.400 --> 00:27:52.640 So I got a little bit of a picture 424 00:27:52.640 --> 00:27:55.240 of their relationship, 425 00:27:55.240 --> 00:27:58.880 but he is not sure if he will ever want to get married again 426 00:27:58.880 --> 00:28:00.800 after he went through that. 427 00:28:00.800 --> 00:28:04.960 So should I still continue getting to know him? 428 00:28:04.960 --> 00:28:09.480 And the other thing that came up is I tried, 429 00:28:11.040 --> 00:28:14.360 I'm very experienced like with public records research. 430 00:28:14.360 --> 00:28:15.840 So I tried to find his divorce records 431 00:28:15.840 --> 00:28:16.720 and I couldn't find them. 432 00:28:16.720 --> 00:28:21.480 So should I ask him like for a copy of his divorce decree 433 00:28:21.480 --> 00:28:22.760 to verify? 434 00:28:22.760 --> 00:28:23.920 I just thought it was really strange. 435 00:28:23.920 --> 00:28:26.400 Like I looked in every possible county 436 00:28:26.400 --> 00:28:29.800 like surrounding counties and I could not find it. 437 00:28:31.080 --> 00:28:31.920 Okay. 438 00:28:31.920 --> 00:28:36.080 So you're entering into this acquaintance 439 00:28:36.080 --> 00:28:39.200 with a whole lot of distrust. 440 00:28:40.200 --> 00:28:41.040 Okay. 441 00:28:41.040 --> 00:28:42.840 So I want to help you see where you are. 442 00:28:42.840 --> 00:28:43.880 Okay. 443 00:28:43.880 --> 00:28:46.960 Because in order to build a relationship, you guys, 444 00:28:46.960 --> 00:28:49.000 there is a certain amount of trust 445 00:28:49.000 --> 00:28:52.320 that has to be given at the very beginning, right? 446 00:28:52.320 --> 00:28:55.000 That I'm sitting across from this stranger. 447 00:28:55.000 --> 00:28:55.920 I don't know them. 448 00:28:55.920 --> 00:28:56.760 They don't know me. 449 00:28:56.760 --> 00:28:58.240 I don't know anyone that knows them. 450 00:28:58.240 --> 00:28:59.520 Unfortunately, this is where we are 451 00:28:59.520 --> 00:29:00.560 in the modern dating world. 452 00:29:00.560 --> 00:29:02.640 We date strangers off the internet and I get it. 453 00:29:02.640 --> 00:29:05.560 And it's, you know, it is what it is. 454 00:29:05.560 --> 00:29:08.400 And, but there's a certain amount of trust 455 00:29:08.400 --> 00:29:10.400 that has to be given to this person 456 00:29:10.400 --> 00:29:13.440 that whoever they're telling me that they are 457 00:29:13.440 --> 00:29:16.440 when I'm getting to know them, that that is who they are. 458 00:29:16.480 --> 00:29:18.400 You know, if after just one date, 459 00:29:18.400 --> 00:29:21.200 I'm scouring the internet trying to look for proof 460 00:29:21.200 --> 00:29:23.400 that what they have said is true, 461 00:29:23.400 --> 00:29:27.640 then that means that either I don't trust them 462 00:29:27.640 --> 00:29:30.560 because my gut told me on the first date 463 00:29:30.560 --> 00:29:32.840 that there was something off about them. 464 00:29:32.840 --> 00:29:35.480 And so I'm already entering into distrust 465 00:29:35.480 --> 00:29:38.640 because I have some intuition that something's wrong 466 00:29:38.640 --> 00:29:41.920 and, or I'm just an untrustful person, 467 00:29:41.920 --> 00:29:45.080 like a non-trusting person that's not able 468 00:29:45.120 --> 00:29:49.200 to even get off first base with letting someone, 469 00:29:49.200 --> 00:29:51.480 you know, have the benefit of the doubt. 470 00:29:51.480 --> 00:29:54.080 So both of those scenarios are not good, Gabriella. 471 00:29:54.080 --> 00:29:55.840 So either you are in a place 472 00:29:55.840 --> 00:29:57.760 where you just don't trust anybody 473 00:29:57.760 --> 00:29:59.160 and you're just gonna have to, 474 00:29:59.160 --> 00:30:00.480 it's like they're guilty. 475 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.360 until proven innocent, or something in your gut told you, 476 00:30:04.360 --> 00:30:07.160 hmm, I don't know, this seems kind of sketch, 477 00:30:07.160 --> 00:30:08.320 I'm gonna check it out. 478 00:30:09.920 --> 00:30:12.360 It's hard to say, because I do have, 479 00:30:12.360 --> 00:30:13.720 I have a history of trauma, 480 00:30:13.720 --> 00:30:17.040 and it's hard for me to trust people, so I'm guarded, 481 00:30:17.040 --> 00:30:19.400 but he's also long distance. 482 00:30:19.400 --> 00:30:24.400 And he, I don't know, his communication kind of shifted 483 00:30:25.400 --> 00:30:30.040 to shorter texts, it left me feeling anxious, 484 00:30:30.040 --> 00:30:32.840 he's triggering my anxiety for some reason, 485 00:30:32.840 --> 00:30:35.240 and normally I'm more avoidant, 486 00:30:35.240 --> 00:30:39.480 so I don't know why I'm getting anxious about this guy. 487 00:30:39.480 --> 00:30:41.080 We had a great first date, 488 00:30:41.080 --> 00:30:43.920 but he did not set up a second date. 489 00:30:43.920 --> 00:30:45.920 He talked about possibly planning one, 490 00:30:45.920 --> 00:30:49.160 but he has a lot going on with work, 491 00:30:49.160 --> 00:30:52.960 and he's gonna be taking a trip to Tennessee, 492 00:30:52.960 --> 00:30:55.120 and I noticed that he was changing his location 493 00:30:55.120 --> 00:30:56.520 on the dating profile as well, 494 00:30:56.520 --> 00:31:01.520 to Tennessee and different areas of the state where he was. 495 00:31:01.600 --> 00:31:02.440 And he works for- 496 00:31:02.440 --> 00:31:03.920 There you go, so you have your answer. 497 00:31:03.920 --> 00:31:04.760 Yeah. 498 00:31:04.760 --> 00:31:06.960 So he's definitely not putting all his eggs 499 00:31:06.960 --> 00:31:09.080 in the Gabriela basket. 500 00:31:09.080 --> 00:31:10.960 You might've had a great first connection, 501 00:31:10.960 --> 00:31:14.120 but he's on the prowl, so to speak, right? 502 00:31:14.120 --> 00:31:16.920 Changing his- Right, which is, 503 00:31:16.920 --> 00:31:19.360 I mean, after one date- And the fact that you know that, 504 00:31:19.360 --> 00:31:21.240 and the fact that you know that about him 505 00:31:21.240 --> 00:31:24.600 shows a lot of anxious, like anxious, 506 00:31:24.600 --> 00:31:25.760 I wouldn't even say attachment, 507 00:31:25.760 --> 00:31:27.400 because there's no attachment here, 508 00:31:27.400 --> 00:31:30.240 but it shows a lot of anxiety in the situation 509 00:31:30.240 --> 00:31:32.080 of kind of checking up on him, 510 00:31:32.080 --> 00:31:34.600 seeing if his divorce is valid, if it's real, 511 00:31:34.600 --> 00:31:36.960 seeing what he's doing on the app. 512 00:31:36.960 --> 00:31:40.240 All of that is kind of a recipe for not good stuff. 513 00:31:41.600 --> 00:31:43.360 Yeah, and I'm normally not like that at all, 514 00:31:43.360 --> 00:31:46.040 so I don't know what triggered that in me. 515 00:31:46.040 --> 00:31:48.960 Well, it shows that for whatever reason, 516 00:31:48.960 --> 00:31:50.040 you don't trust this guy. 517 00:31:50.040 --> 00:31:52.200 And so if I were you, I would just move on. 518 00:31:54.000 --> 00:31:55.320 Okay, thank you. But also, 519 00:31:55.320 --> 00:31:57.480 we got to do some hard work, right? 520 00:31:57.480 --> 00:31:58.720 Because we want to get you to a place 521 00:31:58.720 --> 00:32:01.600 where unless your spidey sense is going off, 522 00:32:01.600 --> 00:32:05.000 and Holy Spirit's like, danger, danger, danger, 523 00:32:05.000 --> 00:32:07.200 that we give people the benefit of the doubt 524 00:32:07.200 --> 00:32:08.320 when we first meet them. 525 00:32:08.320 --> 00:32:12.840 But in this scenario, it sounds like your gut is, 526 00:32:15.920 --> 00:32:17.960 you're feeling off about him, 527 00:32:17.960 --> 00:32:20.600 and it does sound like it's off. 528 00:32:20.600 --> 00:32:22.600 So let's go ahead and move on. 529 00:32:24.600 --> 00:32:26.520 Okay, thanks. Awesome. 530 00:32:28.800 --> 00:32:31.400 You guys, cutting your losses pretty quickly 531 00:32:31.400 --> 00:32:34.360 doesn't have to be a loss, it can be a win. 532 00:32:34.360 --> 00:32:38.160 Cutting off the connection really quickly can be a win 533 00:32:38.160 --> 00:32:40.640 if there are immediate, remember it's a yes 534 00:32:40.640 --> 00:32:43.240 until it's a no, and sometimes it's an immediate no. 535 00:32:45.960 --> 00:32:47.200 It's an immediate no. 536 00:32:48.600 --> 00:32:49.520 Because why? 537 00:32:49.520 --> 00:32:52.560 Because there's just something about the person that, 538 00:32:52.560 --> 00:32:54.200 you know, it isn't a hard work issue, 539 00:32:54.200 --> 00:32:55.480 you've done your hard work, 540 00:32:55.480 --> 00:32:57.040 you're giving them the benefit of the doubt, 541 00:32:57.040 --> 00:33:00.360 but there's something about them that's just sketchy. 542 00:33:00.360 --> 00:33:02.320 You know, you want to enjoy the conversation 543 00:33:02.320 --> 00:33:03.720 or you want to enjoy the date, 544 00:33:03.720 --> 00:33:06.520 but there's just things about them 545 00:33:06.520 --> 00:33:11.520 that just don't sit right in your spirit, in your spirit. 546 00:33:14.720 --> 00:33:16.960 And we don't want to ignore that. 547 00:33:17.000 --> 00:33:19.240 And so cutting off that connection quickly 548 00:33:19.240 --> 00:33:22.680 before you get involved in any kind of cuckoo stuff, 549 00:33:22.680 --> 00:33:25.240 that's really in your, it's really in your benefit. 550 00:33:25.240 --> 00:33:26.400 Nitin, what do you got? 551 00:33:27.480 --> 00:33:30.560 Jaggi, what does vulnerability look like in stage three, 552 00:33:30.560 --> 00:33:34.480 four, five, as in what is permissible to be shared? 553 00:33:34.480 --> 00:33:35.880 How much? 554 00:33:35.880 --> 00:33:37.600 So if you can kind of elaborate on that, 555 00:33:37.600 --> 00:33:39.520 that would be appreciated. 556 00:33:39.520 --> 00:33:42.080 Okay, so he's talking about three, four, and five, 557 00:33:42.080 --> 00:33:45.040 so that's exclusivity, three, that's courtship, 558 00:33:45.040 --> 00:33:47.640 and then four is engagement, five is marriage. 559 00:33:47.640 --> 00:33:50.440 But I want to say that vulnerability 560 00:33:50.440 --> 00:33:55.440 really needs to start in two in order to make it to three. 561 00:33:56.680 --> 00:33:58.880 I don't feel like anyone is going to say yes 562 00:33:58.880 --> 00:34:00.640 to being exclusive with someone 563 00:34:00.640 --> 00:34:05.640 that has not been somewhat vulnerable with them, right? 564 00:34:05.680 --> 00:34:07.360 Don't we need something to build on 565 00:34:07.360 --> 00:34:11.040 in order to get to boyfriend, girlfriend? 566 00:34:11.040 --> 00:34:11.920 We do. 567 00:34:11.920 --> 00:34:14.600 And so I feel like when you start, 568 00:34:15.199 --> 00:34:16.360 we never want to interrogate someone. 569 00:34:16.360 --> 00:34:18.480 We don't want to sit them down on the first couple of days 570 00:34:18.480 --> 00:34:20.840 and try to find out everything about their lives. 571 00:34:20.840 --> 00:34:22.480 People do that because of fear. 572 00:34:22.480 --> 00:34:24.320 People do that because of what Gabrielle 573 00:34:24.320 --> 00:34:25.639 was just expressing. 574 00:34:25.639 --> 00:34:30.000 I want to find out if there is any danger in this person 575 00:34:30.000 --> 00:34:31.800 that I need to be aware of. 576 00:34:31.800 --> 00:34:33.280 And so how do I do that? 577 00:34:33.280 --> 00:34:36.880 By talking to them and asking them questions. 578 00:34:36.880 --> 00:34:39.480 She didn't do that because this guy overshared, 579 00:34:39.480 --> 00:34:41.760 but in people's oversharing, 580 00:34:41.760 --> 00:34:44.560 that's when we start to see a lot of things as well, right? 581 00:34:45.440 --> 00:34:47.560 That's why we do it to keep ourselves safe. 582 00:34:47.560 --> 00:34:49.719 It's definitely a self-defense mechanism 583 00:34:49.719 --> 00:34:53.280 to try to find out as much as we can as soon as possible. 584 00:34:53.280 --> 00:34:54.760 Okay, I don't want to waste our time 585 00:34:54.760 --> 00:34:56.719 and also don't want to be in danger. 586 00:34:56.719 --> 00:34:58.680 That makes sense, right? 587 00:34:58.680 --> 00:35:00.120 So it takes a lot. 588 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:02.560 ought to just pull back from that 589 00:35:02.560 --> 00:35:06.340 and allow things to unfold a little bit more slowly. 590 00:35:06.340 --> 00:35:09.000 But if we're seeing this person 591 00:35:09.000 --> 00:35:11.520 and we're seeing them a lot, 592 00:35:11.520 --> 00:35:15.580 going on date after date, having phone conversations, 593 00:35:15.580 --> 00:35:18.720 some of you, I just talked to a guy two days ago, 594 00:35:18.720 --> 00:35:19.560 right out of the gate, 595 00:35:19.560 --> 00:35:21.760 they're having three, four hour conversations 596 00:35:21.760 --> 00:35:23.080 because they're long distance. 597 00:35:23.080 --> 00:35:25.560 When that happens, obviously, 598 00:35:25.560 --> 00:35:28.440 we're gonna start sharing things about ourselves 599 00:35:28.480 --> 00:35:30.920 and about our past and about our hopes and dreams 600 00:35:30.920 --> 00:35:35.400 and failures and future, okay? 601 00:35:35.400 --> 00:35:38.800 And so in order to get to level three, 602 00:35:38.800 --> 00:35:40.160 we're gonna share some of that stuff 603 00:35:40.160 --> 00:35:42.560 as we're getting to know someone better, okay? 604 00:35:42.560 --> 00:35:45.160 Don't pry, let it kind of unfold naturally 605 00:35:45.160 --> 00:35:46.300 in the conversation. 606 00:35:47.480 --> 00:35:49.300 And then when we get to level three and we're like, 607 00:35:49.300 --> 00:35:50.720 yes, I'll be exclusive with you. 608 00:35:50.720 --> 00:35:54.800 Yes, I see that you and I could have a future together. 609 00:35:54.800 --> 00:35:57.120 I'm saying yes to being your boyfriend, girlfriend, 610 00:35:57.120 --> 00:35:59.200 to seeing where this goes. 611 00:35:59.200 --> 00:36:01.040 Then it's appropriate, Nitin, 612 00:36:01.040 --> 00:36:05.800 for us to begin to share organically 613 00:36:05.800 --> 00:36:08.160 as much as possible, deeper things. 614 00:36:08.160 --> 00:36:09.760 You're like, how organically? 615 00:36:09.760 --> 00:36:11.000 Well, maybe you're watching a movie 616 00:36:11.000 --> 00:36:13.400 and the person's parent dies in the movie. 617 00:36:14.320 --> 00:36:16.440 And that's a perfect opportunity 618 00:36:16.440 --> 00:36:18.200 for you to talk about the death of your parent 619 00:36:18.200 --> 00:36:19.120 and how it made you feel 620 00:36:19.120 --> 00:36:20.700 or what your relationship was like. 621 00:36:20.700 --> 00:36:23.280 There's all kinds of opportunities within relationship 622 00:36:23.280 --> 00:36:24.860 to organically talk about things. 623 00:36:24.860 --> 00:36:26.160 You guys know that, right? 624 00:36:26.160 --> 00:36:28.240 Maybe something comes up in the news 625 00:36:28.240 --> 00:36:31.760 and it has to do with something that doesn't involve you, 626 00:36:31.760 --> 00:36:35.080 but it's something that maybe you experienced as well. 627 00:36:35.080 --> 00:36:37.800 And so maybe it's like some racism stuff 628 00:36:37.800 --> 00:36:40.400 and then you share with the person 629 00:36:40.400 --> 00:36:42.400 that you're exclusively dating, 630 00:36:42.400 --> 00:36:44.320 hey, I was a victim of racism. 631 00:36:44.320 --> 00:36:45.400 This is what happened to me. 632 00:36:45.400 --> 00:36:46.860 This is how this made me feel. 633 00:36:46.860 --> 00:36:50.320 And this has been the aftermath kind of of that in my life. 634 00:36:50.320 --> 00:36:53.840 Just these deeper things in our lives that have happened. 635 00:36:53.840 --> 00:36:57.440 You can expect, Nitin, by engagement 636 00:36:57.440 --> 00:36:59.580 that you know most of the big things, 637 00:36:59.580 --> 00:37:02.360 the important things to know about this person, 638 00:37:02.360 --> 00:37:04.860 including their weaknesses. 639 00:37:04.860 --> 00:37:06.720 I would never get engaged to someone 640 00:37:06.720 --> 00:37:10.240 who I didn't have kind of a clear understanding 641 00:37:10.240 --> 00:37:11.760 of where they need to grow. 642 00:37:11.760 --> 00:37:12.920 What are their yellow flags? 643 00:37:12.920 --> 00:37:14.540 You should know their yellow flags 644 00:37:14.540 --> 00:37:19.400 by the time you say yes to marrying them, okay? 645 00:37:19.400 --> 00:37:21.960 And then within that engagement period, 646 00:37:21.960 --> 00:37:25.360 I like either a long courtship, short engagement, 647 00:37:25.360 --> 00:37:28.000 or a short courtship, long engagement. 648 00:37:28.000 --> 00:37:29.860 Either way, whatever you want to do. 649 00:37:30.760 --> 00:37:31.680 Guys, hold on a second 650 00:37:31.680 --> 00:37:34.800 because the IT department is not here tonight 651 00:37:34.800 --> 00:37:39.800 and I need to make sure that my device is still dead 652 00:37:41.480 --> 00:37:44.280 because I noticed that it just came on. 653 00:37:44.280 --> 00:37:45.160 So let me see. 654 00:37:46.880 --> 00:37:48.260 Perfect, all right. 655 00:37:48.260 --> 00:37:53.180 So long courtship, short engagement, or short courtship, 656 00:37:53.180 --> 00:37:56.180 that's level three, and then long level four. 657 00:37:57.260 --> 00:37:59.540 We want to make sure before we say I do to this person 658 00:37:59.540 --> 00:38:02.500 that we know where all the bodies are buried. 659 00:38:02.500 --> 00:38:04.140 You got to know where all the bodies are buried 660 00:38:04.140 --> 00:38:05.960 before you say I do, okay? 661 00:38:07.780 --> 00:38:10.500 All right, now does that mean that during marriage, 662 00:38:10.500 --> 00:38:14.300 deeper layers of that pain don't come to the surface? 663 00:38:14.300 --> 00:38:17.300 Yes, but you should at least know that there's a wound there. 664 00:38:19.100 --> 00:38:20.540 And how are you going to do that? 665 00:38:20.540 --> 00:38:23.380 By communicating, by taking classes like SIMBAS, 666 00:38:23.380 --> 00:38:25.340 save your marriage before it starts. 667 00:38:25.340 --> 00:38:26.220 Why is that important? 668 00:38:26.220 --> 00:38:28.380 Because that actually forces conversations 669 00:38:28.380 --> 00:38:30.620 about very intimate and important things 670 00:38:30.620 --> 00:38:33.820 about what's your sex life going to look like. 671 00:38:33.820 --> 00:38:36.100 What kind of hangups do you have there, right? 672 00:38:36.100 --> 00:38:38.240 What kind of woundings and trauma do you have? 673 00:38:38.240 --> 00:38:40.820 What's your financial life going to look like? 674 00:38:40.820 --> 00:38:42.260 What kind of, you know, 675 00:38:42.260 --> 00:38:44.420 I can't tell you how many times in SIMBAS 676 00:38:44.420 --> 00:38:47.640 people find out about how much debt this person has 677 00:38:47.640 --> 00:38:48.560 because you didn't know that 678 00:38:48.560 --> 00:38:52.600 because it just never came up in other conversations. 679 00:38:52.600 --> 00:38:54.560 You know, these are important conversations. 680 00:38:54.560 --> 00:38:56.480 What's blending your family going to look like? 681 00:38:56.480 --> 00:38:58.680 Right now I have at least two families 682 00:38:58.680 --> 00:39:00.000 that are really struggling, 683 00:39:00.000 --> 00:39:01.860 that are success stories from here, 684 00:39:01.860 --> 00:39:05.760 that are blends, that have children from other marriages. 685 00:39:05.760 --> 00:39:08.720 And now in the relationship, 686 00:39:08.720 --> 00:39:11.280 they're running into lots of difficulties 687 00:39:11.280 --> 00:39:13.080 with behavior problems with kids. 688 00:39:13.080 --> 00:39:16.480 And what does it look like to parent someone else's child 689 00:39:16.480 --> 00:39:18.520 and all the different things. 690 00:39:18.520 --> 00:39:22.800 But going through a premarital course, 691 00:39:22.800 --> 00:39:26.000 and I suggest that you do that even in higher level three 692 00:39:26.000 --> 00:39:27.880 before you're even engaged, 693 00:39:27.880 --> 00:39:29.280 because maybe you don't get engaged 694 00:39:29.280 --> 00:39:32.040 based on what happens during a course like that. 695 00:39:32.040 --> 00:39:33.560 You know what I'm saying? 696 00:39:33.560 --> 00:39:34.400 Yes. 697 00:39:34.400 --> 00:39:36.600 So hopefully this answers your question. 698 00:39:36.600 --> 00:39:39.360 And one last thing, do you do premarital counseling 699 00:39:39.360 --> 00:39:41.960 like you were mentioning in stage three? 700 00:39:41.960 --> 00:39:44.480 I do not do counseling because I'm not a counselor, 701 00:39:44.520 --> 00:39:46.680 but I do premarital coaching. 702 00:39:46.680 --> 00:39:48.120 Okay, coaching. Thank you. 703 00:39:48.120 --> 00:39:48.960 Yeah. 704 00:39:54.120 --> 00:39:57.200 And you guys, besides degrees and education, 705 00:39:57.200 --> 00:39:59.480 the difference between coaching and counseling 706 00:39:59.480 --> 00:40:00.320 is that- 707 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.760 Counselors, a lot of times, 708 00:40:01.760 --> 00:40:03.480 for those of you that have gone to counseling, 709 00:40:03.480 --> 00:40:07.280 they are trained to listen, right? 710 00:40:07.280 --> 00:40:08.840 Coaches are trained to teach. 711 00:40:10.420 --> 00:40:12.200 So yeah, I do listen, 712 00:40:12.200 --> 00:40:14.800 but I do a lot of teaching in those sessions 713 00:40:14.800 --> 00:40:17.460 and helping people to build. 714 00:40:17.460 --> 00:40:19.140 Counselors, for the most part, 715 00:40:19.140 --> 00:40:20.960 they will listen and they will mirror back to you 716 00:40:20.960 --> 00:40:22.020 what you're saying, 717 00:40:22.020 --> 00:40:23.240 and by that mirroring, 718 00:40:23.240 --> 00:40:26.080 help you kind of find your own solution. 719 00:40:26.080 --> 00:40:27.320 But they're not really counselors. 720 00:40:27.320 --> 00:40:29.160 A lot of times you're not trained to give advice. 721 00:40:29.200 --> 00:40:30.680 That's more of therapy. 722 00:40:30.680 --> 00:40:34.760 And so there's all different levels of things. 723 00:40:34.760 --> 00:40:36.480 Okay, all right. 724 00:40:36.480 --> 00:40:37.560 Who's next? 725 00:40:37.560 --> 00:40:39.760 Laura or Belinda, I don't know who was next. 726 00:40:45.280 --> 00:40:47.080 I think it was Laura. 727 00:40:47.080 --> 00:40:48.180 All right, Laura, go. 728 00:40:49.440 --> 00:40:51.520 Oh, I think you raised your hand first, 729 00:40:51.520 --> 00:40:53.400 so it doesn't matter. 730 00:40:53.400 --> 00:40:55.240 All right, just short, brief, and powerful questions, 731 00:40:55.240 --> 00:40:56.060 ladies. 732 00:40:56.060 --> 00:40:56.900 Who wants to go? 733 00:40:56.900 --> 00:40:57.880 Laura, go ahead. 734 00:40:57.880 --> 00:41:01.320 Okay, so I've been talking to this guy 735 00:41:01.320 --> 00:41:03.580 that I had a video date with since, 736 00:41:04.920 --> 00:41:08.680 I had a video date with him like Friday, 737 00:41:08.680 --> 00:41:11.120 and he lives in a different state. 738 00:41:11.120 --> 00:41:14.800 So that's either here nor there. 739 00:41:14.800 --> 00:41:18.520 But he says he's Jewish, 740 00:41:18.520 --> 00:41:23.280 but he's not like practicing Jewish. 741 00:41:23.280 --> 00:41:27.360 And so he's talking about celebrating Passover, 742 00:41:27.360 --> 00:41:30.280 which is this week with his family. 743 00:41:30.280 --> 00:41:32.800 But he has also mentioned, 744 00:41:32.800 --> 00:41:34.520 because we were talking about holidays, 745 00:41:34.520 --> 00:41:38.880 and he said they don't celebrate Christmas or Easter. 746 00:41:38.880 --> 00:41:43.880 So I'm like, so I don't know how to, 747 00:41:44.040 --> 00:41:46.760 I don't know if we're gonna have another video date 748 00:41:46.760 --> 00:41:50.400 or call this week or not, he hasn't said. 749 00:41:51.560 --> 00:41:55.280 So I don't know if I should ask if that, 750 00:41:55.280 --> 00:42:00.080 ask him how to ask him, do you believe in Jesus? 751 00:42:00.080 --> 00:42:03.160 Do you believe in God, that type of thing? 752 00:42:03.160 --> 00:42:08.080 Because it might be a deal breaker for me if he doesn't. 753 00:42:08.080 --> 00:42:09.600 He says he's- 754 00:42:09.600 --> 00:42:11.640 First of all, if he's Jewish 755 00:42:11.640 --> 00:42:13.680 and doesn't celebrate Christmas or Easter, 756 00:42:13.680 --> 00:42:17.040 that's because those are Jesus holidays for the most part. 757 00:42:17.040 --> 00:42:19.520 They have become secular for sure. 758 00:42:19.520 --> 00:42:23.480 But I'm also Jewish and not obviously a practicing, 759 00:42:24.200 --> 00:42:27.360 for the most part, the Jewish faith, 760 00:42:27.360 --> 00:42:29.040 but I am practicing Christianity. 761 00:42:29.040 --> 00:42:32.920 So it doesn't sound like he's a Christian. 762 00:42:32.920 --> 00:42:35.120 It doesn't actually sound like he's doing much 763 00:42:35.120 --> 00:42:40.120 with his own background either, with his own heritage. 764 00:42:41.080 --> 00:42:46.080 So yeah, I think that, okay, so in this situation, friends, 765 00:42:46.200 --> 00:42:47.960 when you're meeting someone long distance 766 00:42:47.960 --> 00:42:49.320 and you think that there might, 767 00:42:49.320 --> 00:42:51.080 remember it's a yes until it's a no, 768 00:42:51.080 --> 00:42:53.960 and you think that they might be sharing a no with you, 769 00:42:53.960 --> 00:42:55.960 like, hey, I'm not a Christ follower. 770 00:42:55.960 --> 00:42:57.000 I'm not interested in that. 771 00:42:57.000 --> 00:42:58.000 In fact, I'm Jewish. 772 00:42:58.000 --> 00:43:00.680 I don't believe in Jesus kind of thing. 773 00:43:00.680 --> 00:43:03.720 That would be important to just ask right out. 774 00:43:04.800 --> 00:43:06.560 Say, hey, my faith's important to me. 775 00:43:06.560 --> 00:43:07.400 I'm a Christian. 776 00:43:07.400 --> 00:43:09.440 You know, practicing my faith, 777 00:43:09.440 --> 00:43:11.920 following Christ is an important part of my life. 778 00:43:13.080 --> 00:43:14.680 Is your faith important part of your life? 779 00:43:14.680 --> 00:43:16.520 And what is your faith? 780 00:43:16.520 --> 00:43:20.480 And that's permissible, Laura, right there 781 00:43:20.480 --> 00:43:24.840 for you to go ahead and have that conversation. 782 00:43:24.840 --> 00:43:26.520 Okay, I don't know when we'll, 783 00:43:26.520 --> 00:43:29.800 if we'll have another video date this week 784 00:43:29.800 --> 00:43:34.800 or call or whatever, but I will ask him that. 785 00:43:36.960 --> 00:43:40.200 Yeah, and you guys, I saw some chat, 786 00:43:40.200 --> 00:43:41.720 some chatter in the chat. 787 00:43:43.440 --> 00:43:45.760 I am a certified Symbus instructor. 788 00:43:45.760 --> 00:43:48.840 We do have a premarital course 789 00:43:48.840 --> 00:43:50.200 that we're working on as well. 790 00:43:50.920 --> 00:43:51.760 I like Symbus, Symbus is good. 791 00:43:51.760 --> 00:43:55.560 And it does have a, you know, a save your second marriage. 792 00:43:55.560 --> 00:44:00.560 There is a lot of information for divorced people also. 793 00:44:00.560 --> 00:44:01.760 And there's also one, 794 00:44:01.760 --> 00:44:03.440 there's also one that I'm certified in 795 00:44:03.440 --> 00:44:04.840 that's for married people. 796 00:44:04.840 --> 00:44:07.280 So kind of save your marriage while you're in it, right? 797 00:44:07.280 --> 00:44:11.840 And so we have, I think that our premarital coaching, 798 00:44:11.840 --> 00:44:14.160 regardless of what curriculum we're using, 799 00:44:14.160 --> 00:44:15.760 it doesn't matter if we're using Symbus, 800 00:44:15.760 --> 00:44:17.200 we make it our own. 801 00:44:17.200 --> 00:44:19.600 You know, the coaches that coach 802 00:44:19.600 --> 00:44:23.280 in our premarital coaching are phenomenal, 803 00:44:23.280 --> 00:44:24.960 including myself and my husband. 804 00:44:24.960 --> 00:44:29.200 And so if you get into a level four relationship 805 00:44:29.200 --> 00:44:32.640 or a higher level three within this program, 806 00:44:32.640 --> 00:44:34.960 I really wanna encourage you to take advantage 807 00:44:34.960 --> 00:44:37.920 of coaching with us, all right? 808 00:44:37.920 --> 00:44:39.160 Okay, Belinda, go ahead. 809 00:44:40.880 --> 00:44:45.280 Okay, so I met a guy on Facebook dating. 810 00:44:45.320 --> 00:44:47.600 We've been on now four dates. 811 00:44:48.560 --> 00:44:50.640 Going with the whole, it's a yes until it's a no thing. 812 00:44:50.640 --> 00:44:52.000 He's been great. 813 00:44:52.000 --> 00:44:53.200 He's 10 years older than me, 814 00:44:53.200 --> 00:44:55.920 but we have similar stage of life. 815 00:44:55.920 --> 00:44:59.600 His kids, he's got five ranging from 15 to 28. 816 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.520 Boys are 14 and 19, so our kids are similar ages. 817 00:45:03.520 --> 00:45:05.120 So I've kind of been, 818 00:45:05.120 --> 00:45:06.560 I've never dated someone this much older, 819 00:45:06.560 --> 00:45:07.960 but I'm same season of life. 820 00:45:07.960 --> 00:45:10.040 So I'm like, it's good, right? 821 00:45:10.040 --> 00:45:11.000 After the third date, 822 00:45:11.000 --> 00:45:13.280 he asked if we could kind of say no to everything else 823 00:45:13.280 --> 00:45:15.000 while we're seeing as to this. 824 00:45:15.000 --> 00:45:16.040 And I said, yes. 825 00:45:16.040 --> 00:45:18.460 And after the fourth date, 826 00:45:18.460 --> 00:45:20.240 we talked a little bit more about his divorce. 827 00:45:20.240 --> 00:45:22.400 So he was married for over 20 years 828 00:45:22.400 --> 00:45:25.300 and he said that she came out of the closet. 829 00:45:25.300 --> 00:45:28.320 She decided that she was a lesbian. 830 00:45:28.400 --> 00:45:31.080 And so that's why their divorce ended 831 00:45:31.080 --> 00:45:32.620 or why their marriage ended. 832 00:45:32.620 --> 00:45:33.960 And so- 833 00:45:33.960 --> 00:45:36.440 That could put a damper on your marriage for sure. 834 00:45:36.440 --> 00:45:37.600 Yeah. 835 00:45:37.600 --> 00:45:39.640 So the complicated part, I guess, 836 00:45:39.640 --> 00:45:44.480 is he asked me how I felt about that being a Christian. 837 00:45:44.480 --> 00:45:49.480 And I shared as much with truth and love as I could, 838 00:45:49.780 --> 00:45:50.800 how I feel about that. 839 00:45:50.800 --> 00:45:53.040 And he said, I appreciate your response 840 00:45:53.040 --> 00:45:57.740 because my two older children are very sensitive to that. 841 00:45:57.740 --> 00:46:01.180 They're very, one of them is actually an atheist. 842 00:46:01.180 --> 00:46:04.780 They, you know, and so after the date, 843 00:46:04.780 --> 00:46:07.180 I started really thinking about long-term. 844 00:46:07.180 --> 00:46:08.660 And even though our kids are older, 845 00:46:08.660 --> 00:46:12.380 like a blended family and the kind of complicated nature 846 00:46:12.380 --> 00:46:13.780 this might add, 847 00:46:13.780 --> 00:46:15.860 and I'm not sure really how to evaluate it 848 00:46:15.860 --> 00:46:18.820 or what are the things I should be thinking about. 849 00:46:18.820 --> 00:46:20.180 It's such a good question, Linda. 850 00:46:20.180 --> 00:46:21.420 Thanks for asking. 851 00:46:21.420 --> 00:46:23.460 So you guys, here's the thing. 852 00:46:23.460 --> 00:46:27.260 You're not going to find anyone without brokenness 853 00:46:27.260 --> 00:46:28.900 in their family, okay? 854 00:46:28.900 --> 00:46:30.740 Whether it's their origin family, 855 00:46:30.740 --> 00:46:32.220 whether it's the family that they built 856 00:46:32.220 --> 00:46:36.340 with their first spouse, you know, you're not going to. 857 00:46:36.340 --> 00:46:38.020 Everybody suffers. 858 00:46:38.020 --> 00:46:39.220 Everybody suffers. 859 00:46:39.220 --> 00:46:40.500 And we're living in an age, 860 00:46:40.500 --> 00:46:42.340 remember God matched you at this age. 861 00:46:42.340 --> 00:46:43.740 He put you in this timeline. 862 00:46:43.740 --> 00:46:46.840 You could have been born in any history of the earth, 863 00:46:46.840 --> 00:46:49.900 but you were born now during the time 864 00:46:49.900 --> 00:46:51.620 that we're living in full of brokenness, 865 00:46:51.620 --> 00:46:53.420 full of, you know, trauma, 866 00:46:53.420 --> 00:46:54.660 full of all the different things 867 00:46:54.660 --> 00:46:56.260 that we're experiencing here. 868 00:46:56.260 --> 00:47:00.220 And so he knows that you can show up with grace 869 00:47:00.220 --> 00:47:02.420 and with love, with mercy. 870 00:47:02.420 --> 00:47:05.020 As Christ followers, that is what we're called to do. 871 00:47:05.020 --> 00:47:06.260 So it makes perfect sense to me 872 00:47:06.260 --> 00:47:09.500 that his grown children would have some beef with God 873 00:47:09.500 --> 00:47:11.340 because I'm sure they love their mother, 874 00:47:11.340 --> 00:47:16.340 and I'm sure they also know that God hates homos, right? 875 00:47:16.340 --> 00:47:17.700 Because that's what they've been told. 876 00:47:17.700 --> 00:47:19.380 And so why would they love God 877 00:47:19.380 --> 00:47:22.380 if he wants to send the person that they love 878 00:47:22.380 --> 00:47:24.460 to some fiery death? 879 00:47:24.460 --> 00:47:25.980 And so these are issues, 880 00:47:26.700 --> 00:47:28.580 and I see this a lot in the children of parents 881 00:47:28.580 --> 00:47:31.980 who have, you know, professed homosexuality, 882 00:47:31.980 --> 00:47:34.420 that have gone transgender within the marriage. 883 00:47:34.420 --> 00:47:36.740 You guys, we've had so many people come through here 884 00:47:36.740 --> 00:47:39.540 that are divorced because their former spouse 885 00:47:40.420 --> 00:47:42.060 professed that they were gay 886 00:47:42.060 --> 00:47:45.420 or professed that they were a different gender 887 00:47:45.420 --> 00:47:47.020 trapped in another gender's body, 888 00:47:47.020 --> 00:47:48.780 and then, you know, transitioned. 889 00:47:48.780 --> 00:47:50.820 And so that is not something that we haven't seen here. 890 00:47:50.820 --> 00:47:51.980 We've seen a lot of it. 891 00:47:52.020 --> 00:47:56.100 And always, the close family members to that person 892 00:47:56.100 --> 00:48:00.180 have trouble with Christianity because of that. 893 00:48:00.180 --> 00:48:02.260 Because let's just face it, 894 00:48:02.260 --> 00:48:05.620 the televised Christianity, the vocal Christianity, 895 00:48:05.620 --> 00:48:10.620 that mainstream media Christianity has been very, 896 00:48:14.100 --> 00:48:18.940 just, you know, really out to get, you know, 897 00:48:18.940 --> 00:48:20.580 that subject, right? 898 00:48:21.580 --> 00:48:23.780 I don't believe that Jesus would have acted like that. 899 00:48:23.780 --> 00:48:24.620 I don't. 900 00:48:24.620 --> 00:48:28.300 I believe that he would have had a lot of grace and mercy, 901 00:48:28.300 --> 00:48:30.220 and he would have had a lot of insight 902 00:48:30.220 --> 00:48:32.260 of the why behind the what. 903 00:48:32.260 --> 00:48:34.340 And so I believe that we are called to that. 904 00:48:34.340 --> 00:48:35.780 That is what we're called to. 905 00:48:35.780 --> 00:48:37.700 So I wanna encourage all of you 906 00:48:37.700 --> 00:48:39.540 that these don't have to be deal breakers. 907 00:48:39.540 --> 00:48:41.140 You know, partnering with someone 908 00:48:41.140 --> 00:48:43.300 whose family is going through things like this 909 00:48:43.300 --> 00:48:46.540 or other things, it doesn't have to be a deal breaker. 910 00:48:46.540 --> 00:48:48.380 We don't have to choose the easy road. 911 00:48:48.580 --> 00:48:51.060 You know, somebody has to volunteer 912 00:48:51.060 --> 00:48:54.380 to help bring restoration to a family 913 00:48:54.380 --> 00:48:57.780 that has been, you know, broken in these ways. 914 00:48:57.780 --> 00:49:00.700 And so it's something that I don't think 915 00:49:00.700 --> 00:49:02.260 you have to decide right away. 916 00:49:02.260 --> 00:49:05.140 I think that, and this is why it's really important, 917 00:49:05.140 --> 00:49:07.900 you guys, here's another expectation 918 00:49:07.900 --> 00:49:09.420 based on Belinda's question. 919 00:49:09.420 --> 00:49:11.140 When you're getting to know someone, 920 00:49:11.140 --> 00:49:15.020 do not give them information about your current life 921 00:49:15.020 --> 00:49:17.660 and your children or things that you're dealing with 922 00:49:18.300 --> 00:49:21.500 with your former spouse that's above their pay grade. 923 00:49:22.740 --> 00:49:24.340 Don't give them that information. 924 00:49:24.340 --> 00:49:25.980 And what I mean by that is, 925 00:49:25.980 --> 00:49:30.980 let them genuinely develop an affection for you 926 00:49:31.580 --> 00:49:34.660 before you start telling them all the reasons 927 00:49:34.660 --> 00:49:38.380 why they should have a deal breaker with you. 928 00:49:38.380 --> 00:49:41.260 All right, don't start with that, okay? 929 00:49:41.260 --> 00:49:43.820 Don't start with a list of all the things 930 00:49:43.820 --> 00:49:45.340 that they're gonna have to deal with 931 00:49:45.340 --> 00:49:49.460 if they decide to love you, don't. 932 00:49:50.940 --> 00:49:52.540 Don't show up to the second date 933 00:49:52.540 --> 00:49:55.180 with, you know, a list of all your health conditions. 934 00:49:55.180 --> 00:49:56.900 Well, I have an autoimmune disorder 935 00:49:56.900 --> 00:49:59.700 and I have the, nobody needs to know that. 936 00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:09.000 Okay. It doesn't need to be something that somebody finds out about you until they should. 937 00:50:09.000 --> 00:50:16.000 Okay. So Belinda, how many dates have you been on with this guy before he's talked to you about this? 938 00:50:16.000 --> 00:50:17.000 Four. 939 00:50:17.000 --> 00:50:29.000 Yeah. So a lot of times people will show up and kind of try to put their dirty laundry on the table early in an acquaintance, in a dating relationship, because they want, if you're going to cut and run, they just want you to do it now. 940 00:50:29.000 --> 00:50:40.000 Right? They don't want to get to a situation where they're going to catch feelings for you and then you're going to catch the door. 941 00:50:40.000 --> 00:50:45.000 Okay, because you decide that you don't want to deal with all their baggage. 942 00:50:46.000 --> 00:51:07.000 Okay. God has people. And for those of you that have some pretty squirrely situations in your relationships with your kids and your former spouses and things that are going on there, I want to encourage you by telling you that God does have someone who will love you enough to help heal a heart that he didn't break, that they didn't break. 943 00:51:07.000 --> 00:51:16.000 They will love you enough to let God work through them, to help bring healing to your family and to your children, to be a kinsman redeemer for you. 944 00:51:16.000 --> 00:51:25.000 I have that. I have been that for David, for my husband and his children, and he has been that for me and my child. 945 00:51:26.000 --> 00:51:45.000 So let's not share that stuff too soon. Let's not share that stuff too soon. Let's be really prayerful about when and how to share some things that someone who doesn't know us a lot, you know, doesn't know us really well and doesn't know the good things about us, that might tip the scale. 946 00:51:45.000 --> 00:52:04.000 In fact, do it like this. Think of it as a bank account. Don't make withdrawals unless you have deposits to cover them. Right? So let's deposit into the friendship, into the dating relationship. Let's make deposits. Let's put our best foot forward. That's not being fake. That's not being wrong. That's not being deceitful or deceptive. 947 00:52:04.000 --> 00:52:18.000 Okay. Let's put our best foot forward. Let's let them see the good things about us. And then we can start making withdrawals based on the amount of deposits that we've put in. Does that make sense? Because otherwise you're going to overdraw that account, aren't you? 948 00:52:19.000 --> 00:52:35.000 If I only have one date with you and it goes really great and that's just a deposit, but then on the next date I want to tell you every bad thing that's ever going to be a part of our lives that I'm still connected to because of my former marriage, what's going to happen? 949 00:52:35.000 --> 00:52:47.000 You ain't going to hear from that person again unless they're crazy. Right? Unless they have anxious attachment and they're like, oh, I'll save you. I'll be your knight in shining armor. 950 00:52:48.000 --> 00:52:51.000 James, what do you got? 951 00:52:51.000 --> 00:52:59.000 Yeah. Hi. I got a question on behalf of me and Leah. So she's on this call too. So she can correct me if I speak out of turn here. 952 00:52:59.000 --> 00:53:06.000 Hi, Leah. 953 00:53:06.000 --> 00:53:18.000 Hold on. So there are so many new people here. So James and Leah are both students in this program. They both came in separately at separate times. They didn't know each other, but they met here and they fell in love here. 954 00:53:18.000 --> 00:53:36.000 And now they are in a level three, high level three, expecting to hear great news any day, high level three relationship. So just so you guys know who, and they're long distance. She lives in Wisconsin and he lives in New York City. So now go ahead, James. 955 00:53:36.000 --> 00:53:56.000 Yeah, I think what I want to find out is like, what can we do when we normally get got to see each other every three to four weeks. But what happened recently is I had to go on a missions trip for a while with my church. And then she had to do some stuff with her family, some emergencies that came up that required her to go to Minnesota and be with them for a while. 956 00:53:56.000 --> 00:54:15.000 So we couldn't see each other. So she's going to actually, I'm actually going to see her tomorrow night, right? I'm going to meet up with her at the airport, leave work a little early and greet her like an outstanding gentleman. But we will have not seen each other in nine weeks. And emotionally, that presented a lot of challenges. 957 00:54:16.000 --> 00:54:30.000 So what I want to know is what can we do, us or any couple like us in that situation where there's going to be some time where we just can't see each other for an extended period? And how do we deal with the emotional challenge of that? 958 00:54:30.000 --> 00:54:36.000 Get married. 959 00:54:36.000 --> 00:54:40.000 Seriously, get married. 960 00:54:40.000 --> 00:55:00.000 So they've been together for a minute now. And so that is my best advice. You guys remember, long courtship, short engagement. Okay, short courtship, long engagement. But let's make sure that, you know, we are, you know, doing what we need to do in order to find the answers that we need to find in order to give us the peace that we need to have. 961 00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.420 in order to go ahead and get married. 962 00:55:02.420 --> 00:55:04.220 It's important because there's so many, 963 00:55:04.220 --> 00:55:05.700 I want to really say this right now. 964 00:55:05.700 --> 00:55:09.180 There are so many things that you probably would want 965 00:55:09.180 --> 00:55:11.800 tied up with a neat little bow before you say I do 966 00:55:11.800 --> 00:55:13.700 that just simply won't be. 967 00:55:13.700 --> 00:55:15.780 They're not going to be tied up with a neat little bow 968 00:55:15.780 --> 00:55:16.620 before you say I do. 969 00:55:16.620 --> 00:55:17.660 And if you're one of those people 970 00:55:17.660 --> 00:55:19.820 that just really needs that, 971 00:55:19.820 --> 00:55:21.060 then you're going to just, 972 00:55:21.060 --> 00:55:22.780 you're gonna stretch it out and stretch it out 973 00:55:22.780 --> 00:55:23.880 and stretch it out and stretch it out. 974 00:55:23.880 --> 00:55:25.460 Not that they're doing this, 975 00:55:25.460 --> 00:55:26.500 because there's some things 976 00:55:26.500 --> 00:55:28.780 that are not going to ever be resolved 977 00:55:28.840 --> 00:55:30.820 until sometime in the marriage. 978 00:55:31.760 --> 00:55:32.880 Sometime in the marriage, 979 00:55:32.880 --> 00:55:35.040 that's when that's going to be resolved. 980 00:55:35.040 --> 00:55:37.260 And so you have to just understand, 981 00:55:37.260 --> 00:55:38.680 this is why back in the olden days, 982 00:55:38.680 --> 00:55:40.360 people got married young. 983 00:55:40.360 --> 00:55:42.520 And they got married young because they already knew 984 00:55:42.520 --> 00:55:43.440 it was a no brainer 985 00:55:43.440 --> 00:55:45.160 that they were going to grow together, right? 986 00:55:45.160 --> 00:55:46.160 That's what was going to happen. 987 00:55:46.160 --> 00:55:48.640 They were going to kind of grow up together 988 00:55:48.640 --> 00:55:51.180 and hopefully grow together and not grow apart. 989 00:55:51.180 --> 00:55:53.120 And the only reason that people have grown apart 990 00:55:53.120 --> 00:55:56.840 over the generations where getting married young 991 00:55:56.840 --> 00:55:58.820 is not necessarily the best thing to do anymore 992 00:55:58.820 --> 00:56:02.020 is because people become more and more immature, 993 00:56:02.020 --> 00:56:04.280 more entitled, there's more brokenness, 994 00:56:04.280 --> 00:56:06.780 there's more family trauma, inherited trauma, 995 00:56:06.780 --> 00:56:08.400 there's more than there's ever been 996 00:56:08.400 --> 00:56:11.860 in the whole history of the earth, right? 997 00:56:11.860 --> 00:56:13.200 And so getting married young 998 00:56:13.200 --> 00:56:15.860 is not necessarily the best thing to do anymore. 999 00:56:15.860 --> 00:56:18.020 But I'm just saying that back in the day, 1000 00:56:18.020 --> 00:56:20.100 it was just a given 1001 00:56:20.100 --> 00:56:23.340 that you were going to work that stuff out 1002 00:56:23.340 --> 00:56:24.780 as you got married. 1003 00:56:24.780 --> 00:56:27.480 Boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, 1004 00:56:27.480 --> 00:56:28.660 boy marries girl. 1005 00:56:28.660 --> 00:56:31.800 Most old fashioned marriages actually happened 1006 00:56:31.800 --> 00:56:33.440 in four months or less. 1007 00:56:33.440 --> 00:56:35.360 The marriages from like the fifties and stuff, 1008 00:56:35.360 --> 00:56:37.940 that's when they, that's how that worked, okay? 1009 00:56:39.560 --> 00:56:42.440 No big, long drawn out situation. 1010 00:56:42.440 --> 00:56:44.340 So for those of you in this day and age 1011 00:56:44.340 --> 00:56:45.920 that are going to be dating long distance, 1012 00:56:45.920 --> 00:56:48.680 it's not for the faint of heart, it is very difficult. 1013 00:56:48.680 --> 00:56:50.760 It is, and it's going to be exhausting 1014 00:56:50.760 --> 00:56:54.400 and you're going to probably want to give up at some point. 1015 00:56:54.940 --> 00:56:57.180 It is important if you can to relocate 1016 00:56:57.180 --> 00:56:59.540 as soon as you know that, 1017 00:56:59.540 --> 00:57:03.500 you're headed towards a level four and five, 1018 00:57:03.500 --> 00:57:05.260 it's higher level three, 1019 00:57:05.260 --> 00:57:06.480 you're in love with each other, 1020 00:57:06.480 --> 00:57:08.100 you're telling each other, I love you, 1021 00:57:08.100 --> 00:57:10.280 you're making promises that you're going to get married, 1022 00:57:10.280 --> 00:57:12.020 you're planning your future together. 1023 00:57:12.020 --> 00:57:13.580 Someone's going to have to move. 1024 00:57:14.660 --> 00:57:18.400 Somebody has to move, even temporarily, they have to move. 1025 00:57:18.400 --> 00:57:19.900 And where there's a will, there's a way, 1026 00:57:19.900 --> 00:57:22.740 where there's God's will, there's obviously a way. 1027 00:57:22.760 --> 00:57:25.160 And so what you have to do is you have to be willing 1028 00:57:25.160 --> 00:57:26.680 to lean into community. 1029 00:57:26.680 --> 00:57:28.880 And so I want to let you guys know, 1030 00:57:28.880 --> 00:57:30.480 James lives in New York City. 1031 00:57:30.480 --> 00:57:32.160 He goes to one of the greatest churches there, 1032 00:57:32.160 --> 00:57:33.660 in my opinion, Life Center, New York City. 1033 00:57:33.660 --> 00:57:36.160 I've spoke there three years in a row. 1034 00:57:36.160 --> 00:57:38.920 I love the heart of that community. 1035 00:57:38.920 --> 00:57:41.480 It's probably going to happen 1036 00:57:41.480 --> 00:57:44.060 that Leah moves to New York City. 1037 00:57:44.060 --> 00:57:46.440 He's got a good job there, he's embedded there, 1038 00:57:46.440 --> 00:57:50.680 at least for the near future, their first time, 1039 00:57:50.680 --> 00:57:52.120 their newlywed time of being married, 1040 00:57:52.500 --> 00:57:54.140 it looks like they're going to be in New York City. 1041 00:57:54.140 --> 00:57:56.540 She has a need to relocate. 1042 00:57:56.540 --> 00:57:58.700 And so if you live in the New York City area 1043 00:57:58.700 --> 00:58:01.700 and you are a woman and you have an extra space 1044 00:58:01.700 --> 00:58:05.860 in your home where you could help her get relocated 1045 00:58:05.860 --> 00:58:10.260 to New York City in order for them to do life together 1046 00:58:10.260 --> 00:58:13.900 up until when they get engaged and get married, 1047 00:58:13.900 --> 00:58:16.020 obviously, I'm sure she would pay you rent. 1048 00:58:16.020 --> 00:58:18.060 I'm sure there could be some kind of financial arrangement. 1049 00:58:18.060 --> 00:58:20.660 I'm going to post this in single city, New York City as well. 1050 00:58:20.680 --> 00:58:23.040 Guys, that's what community-based matchmaking is all about. 1051 00:58:23.040 --> 00:58:24.640 And that's what this community is about. 1052 00:58:24.640 --> 00:58:27.920 This community is like 1200, 1300 people strong. 1053 00:58:27.920 --> 00:58:30.360 There isn't any reason why we can't help each other 1054 00:58:30.360 --> 00:58:31.320 in this way. 1055 00:58:31.320 --> 00:58:32.660 We've definitely have helped each other 1056 00:58:32.660 --> 00:58:34.160 in the past in this way. 1057 00:58:34.160 --> 00:58:36.680 Lots of people have done this for each other. 1058 00:58:36.680 --> 00:58:38.440 See, there's other, and if you have friends, 1059 00:58:38.440 --> 00:58:40.720 Elizabeth said, I have some strong believer friends 1060 00:58:40.720 --> 00:58:41.640 in that area. 1061 00:58:41.640 --> 00:58:45.600 So you guys, if you have a contact for James and Leah 1062 00:58:45.600 --> 00:58:49.600 for this, please email us at admin at JackieDorman.com 1063 00:58:49.620 --> 00:58:51.860 so that we can get them connected to that. 1064 00:58:51.860 --> 00:58:53.460 And so that's another thing you have to lean 1065 00:58:53.460 --> 00:58:54.620 into community, y'all. 1066 00:58:54.620 --> 00:58:55.500 That's one thing. 1067 00:58:55.500 --> 00:58:57.780 Don't be afraid to ask favors. 1068 00:58:57.780 --> 00:58:59.620 Don't be afraid to ask. 1069 00:58:59.620 --> 00:59:01.280 You guys, don't be afraid to ask. 1070 00:59:03.100 --> 00:59:04.180 What's that saying say? 1071 00:59:04.180 --> 00:59:06.080 It's no 100% of the time. 1072 00:59:06.080 --> 00:59:09.000 If you just go ahead, you fail to ask, right? 1073 00:59:09.000 --> 00:59:12.100 But if you ask, that's how you get the yeses. 1074 00:59:12.100 --> 00:59:14.180 So that can go for asking them on the date, 1075 00:59:14.180 --> 00:59:15.780 ladies dropping the hanky. 1076 00:59:15.780 --> 00:59:18.900 That can go for asking if anybody knows someone 1077 00:59:18.960 --> 00:59:20.080 to set you up with. 1078 00:59:20.080 --> 00:59:23.600 That can go for, hey, does anyone have a extra space 1079 00:59:23.600 --> 00:59:26.520 or know someone from your church that can put me up 1080 00:59:26.520 --> 00:59:30.760 so that I can spend time with my person 1081 00:59:30.760 --> 00:59:32.920 in the area that they live in? 1082 00:59:32.920 --> 00:59:35.720 And so you guys, we have to work together. 1083 00:59:35.720 --> 00:59:38.680 It takes a village to raise these marriages 1084 00:59:38.680 --> 00:59:40.800 and we are the village. 1085 00:59:40.800 --> 00:59:42.200 Don't make me cry. 1086 00:59:42.200 --> 00:59:46.560 Okay, so got to do it. 1087 00:59:47.520 --> 00:59:48.720 So that's my advice. 1088 00:59:49.460 --> 00:59:52.740 My advice would be to utilize your resources. 1089 00:59:53.700 --> 00:59:55.500 We are the biggest family on earth. 1090 00:59:55.500 --> 00:59:58.500 The family of God is the biggest family on earth. 1091 01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.780 Somebody knows somebody who knows your spirit mate. 1092 01:00:03.780 --> 01:00:06.380 And so you have to start utilizing your connections. 1093 01:00:06.380 --> 01:00:07.860 You have to be bold. 1094 01:00:07.860 --> 01:00:10.340 You have to be bold for everything that you need 1095 01:00:10.340 --> 01:00:11.240 in this scenario. 1096 01:00:11.240 --> 01:00:13.140 We were not meant to do this alone, 1097 01:00:13.140 --> 01:00:15.080 including the resources that you need 1098 01:00:15.080 --> 01:00:18.740 to pursue a relationship that's long distance. 1099 01:00:18.740 --> 01:00:20.700 And so if you can't see each other, 1100 01:00:20.700 --> 01:00:22.140 back to James' initial question, 1101 01:00:22.140 --> 01:00:25.180 if you can't see each other and you gotta get creative, 1102 01:00:26.840 --> 01:00:28.740 with those creative long distance dates, 1103 01:00:28.740 --> 01:00:32.380 it gets really boring if you don't do something, 1104 01:00:32.380 --> 01:00:34.980 if you don't do something besides just, 1105 01:00:34.980 --> 01:00:36.140 you guys just use games now. 1106 01:00:36.140 --> 01:00:37.700 Have you seen these card games that you play 1107 01:00:37.700 --> 01:00:40.300 to like learn about another person? 1108 01:00:40.300 --> 01:00:41.620 They're card games that you get. 1109 01:00:41.620 --> 01:00:43.820 You can ask each other all kinds of crazy questions 1110 01:00:43.820 --> 01:00:46.500 like what would you do if this happened? 1111 01:00:46.500 --> 01:00:49.900 So get one of those, not even just for long distance, 1112 01:00:49.900 --> 01:00:52.120 but just in person. 1113 01:00:52.120 --> 01:00:55.380 For those of you that want to go on some fun dates 1114 01:00:55.380 --> 01:00:57.880 in person, we have, look at my daughter. 1115 01:00:57.880 --> 01:00:58.720 I wanna show you this. 1116 01:00:58.720 --> 01:01:03.720 So her little sign says no more long distance. 1117 01:01:04.200 --> 01:01:07.360 So her and her boyfriend, her now fiance, 1118 01:01:07.360 --> 01:01:09.440 cause they're engaged, I'm sorry. 1119 01:01:09.440 --> 01:01:12.320 They have been long distance for nine months 1120 01:01:12.320 --> 01:01:14.360 cause she's been away at Bible college. 1121 01:01:14.360 --> 01:01:16.840 And so he showed up at the airport to come 1122 01:01:16.840 --> 01:01:19.120 and she's about to graduate in two weeks to get her 1123 01:01:19.120 --> 01:01:20.820 and to bring her back to Austin. 1124 01:01:21.840 --> 01:01:25.740 But try to visit as much as you can. 1125 01:01:25.740 --> 01:01:28.700 Try to have as many meaningful conversations 1126 01:01:28.700 --> 01:01:31.420 as you can play games together, watch movies together. 1127 01:01:31.420 --> 01:01:33.140 There's apps where you can watch movies together 1128 01:01:33.140 --> 01:01:34.320 and do life together. 1129 01:01:34.320 --> 01:01:36.220 If for some reason you can't communicate at all 1130 01:01:36.220 --> 01:01:38.140 because you're on some nine weeks missions trip 1131 01:01:38.140 --> 01:01:40.140 and you're in a different country, 1132 01:01:40.140 --> 01:01:43.300 then that's nine weeks of sacrifice 1133 01:01:43.300 --> 01:01:45.200 that you put into building the kingdom. 1134 01:01:45.200 --> 01:01:47.700 And you guys, if you're going to sacrifice, 1135 01:01:47.700 --> 01:01:50.220 make sure it's a mutual thing. 1136 01:01:50.220 --> 01:01:52.500 Don't just be like, oh, well, I gotta do this. 1137 01:01:52.500 --> 01:01:53.540 I hope you're okay with it. 1138 01:01:53.540 --> 01:01:54.700 Let's talk this stuff out. 1139 01:01:54.700 --> 01:01:56.140 They talked about it. 1140 01:01:56.140 --> 01:01:57.820 They agreed that he should do that 1141 01:01:57.820 --> 01:02:00.080 and he should go on that and do that. 1142 01:02:00.080 --> 01:02:03.140 You guys, just so you know this, 1143 01:02:03.140 --> 01:02:05.540 with long distance, you're eventually gonna be together 1144 01:02:05.540 --> 01:02:06.460 and then you're gonna be together 1145 01:02:06.460 --> 01:02:07.980 for the rest of your lives. 1146 01:02:07.980 --> 01:02:10.620 And this time is gonna be worth it. 1147 01:02:10.620 --> 01:02:12.220 It really is. 1148 01:02:12.220 --> 01:02:14.540 And you're gonna look back and you're gonna know 1149 01:02:14.540 --> 01:02:17.860 that God was really doing some amazing fruit building 1150 01:02:17.860 --> 01:02:20.160 in your life of patience during that time. 1151 01:02:20.160 --> 01:02:21.000 Thank you. 1152 01:02:24.280 --> 01:02:25.120 That's really good. 1153 01:02:25.120 --> 01:02:26.760 Thank you, Jackie. 1154 01:02:26.760 --> 01:02:28.080 Yes. 1155 01:02:28.080 --> 01:02:32.880 I feel like we got some leads tonight for y'all too. 1156 01:02:32.880 --> 01:02:34.040 I do, I'm feeling it. 1157 01:02:36.160 --> 01:02:37.400 I'm feeling it. 1158 01:02:37.400 --> 01:02:39.600 Someone, someone knows someone 1159 01:02:40.520 --> 01:02:43.480 that's gonna house Leah in New York City. 1160 01:02:45.520 --> 01:02:46.640 Okay. 1161 01:02:46.640 --> 01:02:48.120 Leah, Leah, I always say it wrong. 1162 01:02:48.120 --> 01:02:48.960 Okay. 1163 01:02:49.840 --> 01:02:54.440 Busola, because I'm sounding it out. 1164 01:02:54.440 --> 01:02:55.360 Yes. 1165 01:02:57.560 --> 01:02:58.400 What is it? 1166 01:02:59.960 --> 01:03:03.640 This is Olua Busola, but yeah, I'm using my work computer 1167 01:03:03.640 --> 01:03:05.880 and that's why it's like Busola. 1168 01:03:05.880 --> 01:03:06.720 Okay. 1169 01:03:06.720 --> 01:03:08.800 So yeah, that's the right sound. 1170 01:03:08.800 --> 01:03:13.800 So I did make a post on the Facebook group 1171 01:03:14.760 --> 01:03:19.760 and I was just kind of like talking about the experience 1172 01:03:20.480 --> 01:03:25.480 where the person, okay, I met a guy in person. 1173 01:03:26.600 --> 01:03:28.600 I met him offline. 1174 01:03:28.600 --> 01:03:30.720 I'm trying to like, I've been talking all day. 1175 01:03:30.720 --> 01:03:32.640 Listen, don't pull any punches. 1176 01:03:32.640 --> 01:03:33.640 She's like, I met a guy. 1177 01:03:33.640 --> 01:03:34.840 Okay, just go for it. 1178 01:03:34.840 --> 01:03:35.680 What do you got? 1179 01:03:35.680 --> 01:03:37.000 Okay, yes. 1180 01:03:37.000 --> 01:03:42.000 I did meet a guy offline and afterwards we met in person 1181 01:03:42.240 --> 01:03:43.960 about three other times. 1182 01:03:44.840 --> 01:03:46.240 He lives in the East Coast. 1183 01:03:46.240 --> 01:03:51.160 So he went back and we kept conversations afterwards. 1184 01:03:51.160 --> 01:03:55.160 He asked me to be his girlfriend, which I declined 1185 01:03:55.160 --> 01:03:59.200 because I'm like, nope, I don't know you that well. 1186 01:03:59.200 --> 01:04:02.880 And that seemed a bit of a rush. 1187 01:04:03.800 --> 01:04:08.800 I continued in conversations with him and I got to know him. 1188 01:04:09.040 --> 01:04:14.040 So he's nice, he's kind, his journey with God is amazing. 1189 01:04:17.800 --> 01:04:19.600 I see the efforts and all that. 1190 01:04:19.600 --> 01:04:23.520 And I would say that I think it's a point of context 1191 01:04:23.520 --> 01:04:27.280 in how God has changed my heart or softened my heart 1192 01:04:27.280 --> 01:04:31.440 concerning dating or going out with a new believer. 1193 01:04:31.440 --> 01:04:34.760 Like you usually said, I'm probably here behind my computer 1194 01:04:34.760 --> 01:04:36.920 like, oh no, that can never be me. 1195 01:04:36.960 --> 01:04:38.280 I'm not gonna teach anybody 1196 01:04:38.280 --> 01:04:40.520 or like just be with a new believer. 1197 01:04:40.520 --> 01:04:43.760 But like with him, I think that, yeah, 1198 01:04:43.760 --> 01:04:47.080 I might be open to that if I like, yeah. 1199 01:04:47.080 --> 01:04:52.080 Now the basis of probably me commenting is I think, 1200 01:04:54.480 --> 01:04:56.760 not that I think, we share the same goals. 1201 01:04:56.760 --> 01:05:01.760 We share the same values, political values. 1202 01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.440 co-moral and all that. 1203 01:05:02.440 --> 01:05:07.440 However, he only has an high school diploma. 1204 01:05:08.280 --> 01:05:12.080 That is a new, like a new thing to me. 1205 01:05:12.080 --> 01:05:15.200 If I must say, I did share the information 1206 01:05:15.200 --> 01:05:19.200 with my brother-in-law and a childhood friend. 1207 01:05:19.200 --> 01:05:23.080 And their response was basically what I expected. 1208 01:05:23.080 --> 01:05:28.080 And I'm trying to like ask, how do I move on from there? 1209 01:05:28.800 --> 01:05:29.640 And because- 1210 01:05:29.640 --> 01:05:32.120 Let me ask you this, what's your level of education? 1211 01:05:33.200 --> 01:05:37.760 I have a graduate degree, like grad school. 1212 01:05:37.760 --> 01:05:38.600 Yeah. 1213 01:05:38.600 --> 01:05:39.440 So you have a graduate degree. 1214 01:05:39.440 --> 01:05:41.640 So you value education. 1215 01:05:41.640 --> 01:05:43.480 And a lot of people, you guys, they do, 1216 01:05:43.480 --> 01:05:44.640 they value education. 1217 01:05:44.640 --> 01:05:48.080 They come from families and cultures that value education. 1218 01:05:48.080 --> 01:05:50.160 And, you know, that's great. 1219 01:05:50.160 --> 01:05:51.400 And it's wonderful. 1220 01:05:51.400 --> 01:05:53.920 We do know here in America, especially, 1221 01:05:53.920 --> 01:05:55.880 and maybe different in other countries, I don't know, 1222 01:05:55.880 --> 01:05:57.560 cause I don't live in another country, 1223 01:05:58.040 --> 01:05:59.520 but a lot of times the degrees that we get 1224 01:05:59.520 --> 01:06:02.720 are not worth the paper that they're written on, right? 1225 01:06:02.720 --> 01:06:03.560 It's true. 1226 01:06:03.560 --> 01:06:07.360 And so the debt that we get into going to higher education 1227 01:06:07.360 --> 01:06:08.680 is substantial. 1228 01:06:08.680 --> 01:06:12.040 You know, my son-in-law-to-be owes $100,000 1229 01:06:12.040 --> 01:06:13.480 in student loans. 1230 01:06:13.480 --> 01:06:15.840 Okay, $100,000 in student loans. 1231 01:06:15.840 --> 01:06:17.640 And he already paid off 40,000 of it. 1232 01:06:17.640 --> 01:06:20.760 So he owed $140,000 in student loans. 1233 01:06:20.760 --> 01:06:22.320 And so my daughter and him are gonna be going 1234 01:06:22.320 --> 01:06:25.400 into a marriage very highly in debt from an education 1235 01:06:25.400 --> 01:06:27.360 that is based on a skillset 1236 01:06:27.360 --> 01:06:29.120 that he could have done freelance. 1237 01:06:29.120 --> 01:06:31.720 He's a designer and probably, you know, 1238 01:06:31.720 --> 01:06:32.960 made the same amount of money 1239 01:06:32.960 --> 01:06:34.920 because it's about your portfolio. 1240 01:06:34.920 --> 01:06:38.080 And so when it comes to higher education, you guys, 1241 01:06:38.080 --> 01:06:39.720 what I've always taught my children 1242 01:06:39.720 --> 01:06:42.640 and the advice that I give others is yes, definitely get, 1243 01:06:42.640 --> 01:06:44.040 first of all, always get a degree 1244 01:06:44.040 --> 01:06:45.880 if God's leading you to get a degree. 1245 01:06:45.880 --> 01:06:46.920 Always go to college 1246 01:06:46.920 --> 01:06:49.040 if God's leading you to go to college. 1247 01:06:49.040 --> 01:06:50.880 If your career choice 1248 01:06:50.880 --> 01:06:52.760 and what you feel led to do with your life 1249 01:06:52.760 --> 01:06:55.640 have to have a college degree in education, 1250 01:06:55.640 --> 01:06:58.040 like you wanna be a doctor or a brain surgeon, 1251 01:06:58.040 --> 01:06:58.880 you wanna be a lawyer, 1252 01:06:58.880 --> 01:07:02.880 you wanna be something that you cannot do 1253 01:07:02.880 --> 01:07:05.200 without, you know, the degree, 1254 01:07:05.200 --> 01:07:06.680 then you have to go get it. 1255 01:07:06.680 --> 01:07:07.840 But I think that we all learned, 1256 01:07:07.840 --> 01:07:09.680 especially through COVID, 1257 01:07:09.680 --> 01:07:13.760 that jobs are, you know, very expendable. 1258 01:07:13.760 --> 01:07:16.320 Even people that didn't think they were expendable, 1259 01:07:16.320 --> 01:07:19.600 they ended up becoming non-necessary employees 1260 01:07:19.600 --> 01:07:21.360 with the day and age that we live in, 1261 01:07:21.360 --> 01:07:24.280 non-necessary people to their companies. 1262 01:07:24.280 --> 01:07:27.560 A lot of people never recovered from the financial losses, 1263 01:07:27.560 --> 01:07:30.280 even with their degrees of those days. 1264 01:07:30.280 --> 01:07:32.920 And so when it comes to choosing someone 1265 01:07:32.920 --> 01:07:36.760 based on, you know, to partner with, 1266 01:07:36.760 --> 01:07:39.280 I want you to think about this. 1267 01:07:41.840 --> 01:07:44.560 If you somehow have a prejudice in your heart 1268 01:07:44.560 --> 01:07:48.160 that people that have not gone to higher education 1269 01:07:48.160 --> 01:07:51.720 are not ambitious, or, you know, they're not as driven, 1270 01:07:51.720 --> 01:07:53.360 or they won't be good partners, 1271 01:07:53.360 --> 01:07:54.960 or they won't make enough money, 1272 01:07:54.960 --> 01:07:56.920 that 100% is not true. 1273 01:07:56.920 --> 01:07:58.880 First of all, I was born an entrepreneur. 1274 01:07:58.880 --> 01:08:00.000 I have a GED, 1275 01:08:00.000 --> 01:08:01.960 because you guys know I was a foster kid, right? 1276 01:08:01.960 --> 01:08:04.960 I have a GED, so I didn't even graduate from high school. 1277 01:08:04.960 --> 01:08:06.280 And you know why I dropped out of high school? 1278 01:08:06.280 --> 01:08:07.280 Because I had nowhere to live. 1279 01:08:07.280 --> 01:08:09.440 I was homeless in 11th grade. 1280 01:08:09.440 --> 01:08:11.440 And so I dropped out in 11th grade 1281 01:08:11.440 --> 01:08:12.760 because I didn't have a, you know, 1282 01:08:12.760 --> 01:08:14.720 secure, safe place to live. 1283 01:08:14.720 --> 01:08:17.600 I did go to college for a little while to be a psychologist. 1284 01:08:17.600 --> 01:08:20.200 And then I realized that what I wanted to do with my life 1285 01:08:20.200 --> 01:08:22.640 did not need a college education. 1286 01:08:22.640 --> 01:08:25.000 And I have built several companies. 1287 01:08:25.000 --> 01:08:27.560 I have done lots of consultant work. 1288 01:08:27.560 --> 01:08:29.000 I've done lots of ministry work. 1289 01:08:29.000 --> 01:08:32.200 So it's important for us not to judge a book 1290 01:08:32.200 --> 01:08:36.840 by the piece of paper that is the degree from college, okay? 1291 01:08:36.840 --> 01:08:40.520 So, Basola, I want you to look at, 1292 01:08:40.520 --> 01:08:43.520 do you match, do you guys match seasons, first of all? 1293 01:08:43.520 --> 01:08:45.439 Do you, you said you guys share goals. 1294 01:08:45.439 --> 01:08:46.920 That's great. 1295 01:08:46.920 --> 01:08:48.040 Do you share ambitions? 1296 01:08:48.040 --> 01:08:49.439 Do you share drive? 1297 01:08:49.439 --> 01:08:52.760 You know, is this someone who has done well for themselves 1298 01:08:52.760 --> 01:08:54.600 even without going to college? 1299 01:08:54.600 --> 01:08:56.080 Because you guys, there's two groups of people. 1300 01:08:56.080 --> 01:08:59.040 There are people that don't pursue higher education. 1301 01:08:59.040 --> 01:08:59.880 Okay, hold on a second. 1302 01:08:59.880 --> 01:09:00.720 Let's just go. 1303 01:09:02.680 --> 01:09:03.520 I don't think- 1304 01:09:03.520 --> 01:09:06.279 There are people that don't pursue higher education. 1305 01:09:06.279 --> 01:09:07.520 Make sure you stay muted, y'all, 1306 01:09:07.520 --> 01:09:08.920 especially if you have kids. 1307 01:09:10.880 --> 01:09:13.319 Because they don't pursue education 1308 01:09:13.319 --> 01:09:17.800 because, you know, there's a laziness of mind and of body. 1309 01:09:17.800 --> 01:09:19.520 They don't, they're not ambitious. 1310 01:09:19.520 --> 01:09:20.720 They don't care. 1311 01:09:20.720 --> 01:09:23.080 They might even have a poverty mentality 1312 01:09:23.080 --> 01:09:26.960 or an entitled mentality where they're gonna live off of, 1313 01:09:26.960 --> 01:09:29.040 you know, the hard work of other people. 1314 01:09:29.040 --> 01:09:32.200 You obviously don't wanna partner with someone like that. 1315 01:09:32.200 --> 01:09:33.880 But if someone has found a way 1316 01:09:33.880 --> 01:09:36.840 to use their gifts and talents from the Lord 1317 01:09:36.840 --> 01:09:39.000 in ways that they continue to grow 1318 01:09:39.000 --> 01:09:41.040 and they continue to prosper 1319 01:09:41.040 --> 01:09:44.880 just because they don't have a higher education degree 1320 01:09:44.880 --> 01:09:48.439 does not mean that they would not make a good partner. 1321 01:09:48.439 --> 01:09:52.760 So those are the things that you wanna focus on. 1322 01:09:52.760 --> 01:09:54.920 Yeah, thank you. 1323 01:09:54.920 --> 01:09:58.320 Another concern of mine, 1324 01:09:58.320 --> 01:10:00.920 and I think that was why I shared it with my brother. 1325 01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:08.000 mother-in-law, as well as my childhood friend is, I would love, or yeah, not I would love, 1326 01:10:08.000 --> 01:10:16.080 I want to be with a man that my family respects, that I don't have to, you know, try to persuade 1327 01:10:16.080 --> 01:10:26.880 them to respect, if that makes sense. And I would say my family is big on educational 1328 01:10:26.880 --> 01:10:34.000 values. The least, the least dedication in my family, my siblings have their PhDs and stuff 1329 01:10:34.000 --> 01:10:43.760 like that. So me, that's, that's just my thoughts. Yeah, you definitely have to make a decision 1330 01:10:43.760 --> 01:10:47.600 about who's marrying this man, you or your family. And I'm not talking about you marrying him, 1331 01:10:47.600 --> 01:10:51.600 because obviously you don't know him very well, and you just met him. But you guys, for all of 1332 01:10:51.600 --> 01:10:59.200 you, I've had so many success stories come through here that they were stuck in their singleness 1333 01:10:59.200 --> 01:11:06.560 because of very strong opinions of their families about who they should marry and what that should 1334 01:11:06.560 --> 01:11:11.840 look like. And, you know, who's marrying them? Are they marrying them? Are you marrying them? 1335 01:11:11.840 --> 01:11:16.000 You know, you could be missing out on an amazing treasure of a person just because your family 1336 01:11:16.000 --> 01:11:21.200 would be against you marrying out of your race. Are you marrying someone who has less education 1337 01:11:21.200 --> 01:11:27.120 as you or less money than you or this or that? You know, I will tell you, you know, if I use any 1338 01:11:27.120 --> 01:11:34.480 of those indicators to judge my current husband, when I first met him, I would not have married him 1339 01:11:34.480 --> 01:11:41.680 because he was not financially viable. He went through a bankruptcy, which means he had no credit 1340 01:11:41.680 --> 01:11:48.080 at the time he was living in a rental at almost 40 years old. He had a cash car that he had paid 1341 01:11:48.080 --> 01:11:55.040 for that was literally falling apart. It caught fire when I drove it one day. I mean, you know, 1342 01:11:55.040 --> 01:12:01.040 he on paper did not look like the kind of person who would be able to build with me because, like 1343 01:12:01.040 --> 01:12:08.240 I said, I was born an entrepreneur, but he was. And God showed me the gold in him. So you guys, 1344 01:12:08.240 --> 01:12:12.640 you know, if you look for dirt in people, you're going to find it. If you look for gold in people, 1345 01:12:12.640 --> 01:12:16.960 you're going to find it. If we allow our families to give us non-negotiables that are not from 1346 01:12:16.960 --> 01:12:21.600 heaven, then we could miss out on something great. All right. So it matters that you respect the 1347 01:12:21.600 --> 01:12:26.480 person, not that your family respects them, especially if that's not your non-negotiable 1348 01:12:26.480 --> 01:12:31.280 from heaven. So I want to answer our sister and all of you make sure that your deal breakers and 1349 01:12:31.280 --> 01:12:36.720 your non-negotiables are from heaven and not your family. OK, super important. Michelle, you're up. 1350 01:12:37.280 --> 01:12:39.280 Thank you. You're welcome. 1351 01:12:40.080 --> 01:12:48.720 Hey, thanks. Two questions. I, you just mentioned about Leah and James. Leah needing a place. I'm 1352 01:12:48.720 --> 01:12:56.080 getting ready to relocate. Is it appropriate to post on the Facebook group? Hey, I'm moving to 1353 01:12:56.080 --> 01:13:05.520 Colorado. I'm going to be in this area. Would love to connect with people from. Yeah. And then yeah. 1354 01:13:05.600 --> 01:13:11.920 And then yeah. And then the second. I mean, we have we have single city groups that you can post 1355 01:13:11.920 --> 01:13:16.880 that in to the area that you're moving to. So I think there's a Colorado Springs one that's 1356 01:13:16.880 --> 01:13:22.800 opening. So yes, that was my second question. Since I joined in January, it's been coming soon 1357 01:13:23.360 --> 01:13:28.320 and I just wondered what is the. Do you know what the holdup is or the process? 1358 01:13:29.280 --> 01:13:35.920 OK, I don't. So it'll just be it'll change from coming soon to active and just keep an eye on 1359 01:13:35.920 --> 01:13:41.280 that. I think if I'm not mistaken, I think that it just got so close to the app being done and 1360 01:13:41.280 --> 01:13:46.240 because it's going to be moved to the app anyway, that it seemed redundant to start it on Facebook 1361 01:13:46.240 --> 01:13:52.000 when it's going to be over there. Gotcha. Thanks. Yeah. Yep. All right. Katie, what do you got? 1362 01:13:52.000 --> 01:14:02.000 Yeah, so I'm in a level three relationship and it's been about four months that we've been 1363 01:14:02.000 --> 01:14:10.000 together and we're both introverts, but I'm more extroverted than him. And a few months ago was 1364 01:14:10.000 --> 01:14:15.200 my birthday. I invited him to a birthday party and he politely declined because he was like, 1365 01:14:15.200 --> 01:14:19.840 that's just a lot really quick. And that's fine. I left it alone like that. But now we're four 1366 01:14:19.840 --> 01:14:28.480 months in and I've never really seen him around his people or him around mine. Katie, are you 1367 01:14:28.480 --> 01:14:35.600 long distance? No, we only live about 30 minutes away from each other. OK, yeah, that's that's 1368 01:14:35.600 --> 01:14:40.800 got to change. Yeah. Four months in, you don't know his people. He doesn't know your people. 1369 01:14:40.800 --> 01:14:46.560 You're not cross pollinating your lives. Now, four months and that's a long time to be dating 1370 01:14:46.640 --> 01:14:52.720 someone also in an exclusive relationship. So it's time to do that. Yeah. So I've asked him 1371 01:14:52.720 --> 01:14:58.080 several times recently of like, hey, how do you feel about meeting each other's people? 1372 01:14:58.080 --> 01:14:59.840 Like or at least like a small. 1373 01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:02.880 double date. And he's like, I just really like being in our 1374 01:15:02.880 --> 01:15:06.640 bubble right now. He's like, I'm not afraid of it. But I just 1375 01:15:06.640 --> 01:15:08.520 don't know how to approach it. Because I'm like, okay, I've 1376 01:15:08.520 --> 01:15:11.600 made it smaller. Because I know he's really introverted. Like he 1377 01:15:11.600 --> 01:15:16.920 comes home and he's just like, he's just so dead. Like he has 1378 01:15:16.920 --> 01:15:19.840 an HR job. So he's constantly with people. So he's just 1379 01:15:19.840 --> 01:15:23.400 completely wiped out by the end of the day. But I'm like, I need 1380 01:15:23.400 --> 01:15:28.680 to see you with your people. And how, how you interact. And 1381 01:15:29.000 --> 01:15:33.320 well, here's the thing, Katie, this is why that's BS. All 1382 01:15:33.320 --> 01:15:38.160 right. Because he goes places outside of his job. Does he go 1383 01:15:38.160 --> 01:15:44.040 to church? Okay, so he's gonna be there anyway. So why can't 1384 01:15:44.040 --> 01:15:50.440 you go there with him? Yeah, exactly. So there's more to this 1385 01:15:50.440 --> 01:15:53.160 story. And I don't think I like what the more to the story is. 1386 01:15:53.160 --> 01:15:56.880 So I think that this has to be without it becoming an 1387 01:15:56.880 --> 01:16:00.520 ultimatum. It has to be a situation where at this point, 1388 01:16:00.520 --> 01:16:06.200 yeah, you gotta see who this person really is. Okay, you 1389 01:16:06.200 --> 01:16:08.800 have to because we don't want you to get any further in guys, 1390 01:16:08.800 --> 01:16:12.800 I had a woman she's married now. Okay. She's a student in this 1391 01:16:12.800 --> 01:16:17.160 program. It's one of my OGs. She's married now. But she's not 1392 01:16:17.160 --> 01:16:20.120 married to the guy that she was dating when she came into this 1393 01:16:20.120 --> 01:16:22.480 program. So she came to this program with a boyfriend. I know 1394 01:16:22.480 --> 01:16:24.880 that Katie's met this guy since she's been in the program, but 1395 01:16:24.880 --> 01:16:28.360 she came in with a boyfriend, because she wanted to find out 1396 01:16:28.360 --> 01:16:31.720 whether or not you know, he was the one. And she had been she 1397 01:16:31.720 --> 01:16:35.120 had been dating him for a year. When she came into this program. 1398 01:16:35.400 --> 01:16:38.800 My first back then I did all one on one because you know, the 1399 01:16:38.800 --> 01:16:42.720 group was really small. My first one on one call with her I found 1400 01:16:42.720 --> 01:16:46.120 out just like Katie right here that she had never met any of 1401 01:16:46.120 --> 01:16:48.640 his people. She'd been dating him for a year, but she had 1402 01:16:48.640 --> 01:16:51.560 never met his family. He had never posted her on social 1403 01:16:51.560 --> 01:16:58.040 media. He, she had never met her family, you know, and I told 1404 01:16:58.040 --> 01:17:00.440 her just right off the bat, I was like, you know, this guy, 1405 01:17:00.480 --> 01:17:03.720 first of all, is not marriage minded. And second of all, the, 1406 01:17:03.960 --> 01:17:06.800 you know, we're best case scenarios, he's just not 1407 01:17:06.800 --> 01:17:09.040 marriage minded. And he doesn't want to muddy the water with 1408 01:17:09.040 --> 01:17:11.600 bringing you around his people. And then worst case scenario, 1409 01:17:11.720 --> 01:17:15.720 he's in a relationship with somebody else. Right? He's 1410 01:17:15.720 --> 01:17:18.040 hiding something, he's got another relationship, he's 1411 01:17:18.040 --> 01:17:21.840 married, you know, God knows what. And so it turned out that 1412 01:17:21.880 --> 01:17:25.480 he the first thing was true. He just wasn't marriage minded. He 1413 01:17:25.480 --> 01:17:28.400 wasn't serious about the relationship. He liked the 1414 01:17:28.400 --> 01:17:31.840 relationship, one is cake and eat it too. And so through the 1415 01:17:31.840 --> 01:17:34.640 training and coaching here, she was able to kind of figure out 1416 01:17:34.640 --> 01:17:37.560 that he was never going to move forward. And she was able to 1417 01:17:37.560 --> 01:17:41.160 break up with him and get free from that so that she could meet 1418 01:17:41.160 --> 01:17:45.000 her now husband and she's married. So praise God. So 1419 01:17:45.000 --> 01:17:51.600 Katie, four months is a long time to be with someone and not 1420 01:17:51.640 --> 01:17:57.720 have met even one person that they care about. Not even one 1421 01:17:57.720 --> 01:18:02.160 person. So if he attends church, he attends church regularly, 1422 01:18:02.200 --> 01:18:04.520 you're his girlfriend, he's serious about you, you're in 1423 01:18:04.520 --> 01:18:08.000 level three, you guys, here's expectations, expectations at 1424 01:18:08.000 --> 01:18:12.440 level three, exclusivity, we are boyfriend and girlfriend is that 1425 01:18:12.440 --> 01:18:16.560 you meet their people. You don't necessarily have to meet 1426 01:18:16.560 --> 01:18:22.400 their parents right from the jump. But their people who are 1427 01:18:22.400 --> 01:18:25.440 their people, their friends, the people that they go to church 1428 01:18:25.440 --> 01:18:28.800 with the people that they do life with. Okay, you don't have 1429 01:18:28.800 --> 01:18:30.880 to meet their parents or their children right from the 1430 01:18:30.880 --> 01:18:34.920 beginning of level three, but there needs to be a plan of 1431 01:18:34.920 --> 01:18:39.160 meeting their parents and their children as you as you go deeper 1432 01:18:39.200 --> 01:18:44.400 into level three, okay. And also back to the solace question, an 1433 01:18:44.400 --> 01:18:47.200 expectation that you can have for someone, especially at this 1434 01:18:47.200 --> 01:18:51.120 age range, if you're going to get into a serious courtship 1435 01:18:51.120 --> 01:18:56.960 with them, is that they are fiscally financially mature. 1436 01:18:58.880 --> 01:19:01.520 Everyone goes through hard times, my husband went through 1437 01:19:01.520 --> 01:19:04.440 a divorce, I didn't judge him based on what he had when I met 1438 01:19:04.440 --> 01:19:07.640 him, because it wasn't his mo. It wasn't because he was 1439 01:19:07.680 --> 01:19:11.040 irresponsible. It wasn't because he was lazy. It wasn't because 1440 01:19:11.040 --> 01:19:14.000 you know, he had some kind of life controlling problem where 1441 01:19:14.000 --> 01:19:17.360 he wasn't working, you know, some kind of addiction or 1442 01:19:17.360 --> 01:19:20.520 gambling problem or whatever. No, it was because he went 1443 01:19:20.520 --> 01:19:24.200 through a divorce. And I met him on the other side of that where 1444 01:19:24.200 --> 01:19:27.480 he was rebuilding, people go through rebuilding stages, like 1445 01:19:27.480 --> 01:19:30.480 COVID happened, a lot of people lost their jobs rebuilding. So 1446 01:19:30.480 --> 01:19:34.560 as long as this is not a pattern of their life, then it's not a 1447 01:19:34.560 --> 01:19:40.160 red flag. Okay. For those of you that are older in, you know, 1448 01:19:40.400 --> 01:19:44.960 older than like towards retirement, it's important that 1449 01:19:44.960 --> 01:19:48.400 you see what this person is bringing to the table, right? In 1450 01:19:48.400 --> 01:19:51.280 order for you to partner with them, you know, how have they 1451 01:19:51.280 --> 01:19:54.320 manage their money during their during their working years, 1452 01:19:54.520 --> 01:19:58.080 what's going to look like for them to be retired, right? That's 1453 01:19:58.080 --> 01:19:59.440 all very important stuff. 1454 01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:02.660 and it is a natural expectation 1455 01:20:02.660 --> 01:20:04.440 that you would be with someone 1456 01:20:04.440 --> 01:20:09.200 who is taking responsibility for their financial future. 1457 01:20:09.200 --> 01:20:11.280 They don't have to have done everything perfectly, 1458 01:20:11.280 --> 01:20:13.420 but they need to be taking responsibility 1459 01:20:13.420 --> 01:20:15.020 and have a plan for their future. 1460 01:20:15.020 --> 01:20:17.260 That is an expectation, okay? 1461 01:20:19.120 --> 01:20:20.720 So Katie, what are you gonna do? 1462 01:20:24.580 --> 01:20:27.700 Ask to meet as people as soon as possible. 1463 01:20:27.700 --> 01:20:30.720 Yeah, and you know, like I said, 1464 01:20:30.720 --> 01:20:33.220 you're not asking him to do anything extra. 1465 01:20:33.220 --> 01:20:35.460 This is what he already does. 1466 01:20:35.460 --> 01:20:36.900 Yeah. 1467 01:20:36.900 --> 01:20:38.380 Yeah, I know he's told me, 1468 01:20:38.380 --> 01:20:42.440 he's talked to his family and his friends about me, 1469 01:20:42.440 --> 01:20:44.480 but it's not the same, so. 1470 01:20:45.940 --> 01:20:47.220 No, it's not. 1471 01:20:47.220 --> 01:20:49.280 And like I said, nothing extra. 1472 01:20:49.280 --> 01:20:51.020 If he's already going there, 1473 01:20:51.020 --> 01:20:52.660 he's already gonna be there, 1474 01:20:52.660 --> 01:20:55.060 there isn't any reason why you can't tag along. 1475 01:20:56.060 --> 01:20:57.220 Okay. 1476 01:20:57.220 --> 01:20:58.060 Yep, cool. 1477 01:20:59.820 --> 01:21:01.620 All right, Hunter, what do you got? 1478 01:21:03.180 --> 01:21:04.380 You guys, let's wait. 1479 01:21:04.380 --> 01:21:05.500 We have eight minutes, 1480 01:21:05.500 --> 01:21:07.700 so short, brief and powerful from here on out. 1481 01:21:07.700 --> 01:21:10.480 So Hunter, you're muted, you're talking, 1482 01:21:10.480 --> 01:21:12.180 but I can't hear you. 1483 01:21:12.180 --> 01:21:15.580 Well, I was at work and delivering an Amazon 1484 01:21:15.580 --> 01:21:18.820 and I got the package out with a customer who was married. 1485 01:21:18.820 --> 01:21:22.180 And then once I got it out into the driveway, 1486 01:21:22.180 --> 01:21:24.260 he basically said, hold up, 1487 01:21:24.300 --> 01:21:25.900 I got to check the box to make, 1488 01:21:25.900 --> 01:21:29.020 cause this package was delivering was for his wife. 1489 01:21:29.020 --> 01:21:31.180 And I end up, and he says, you're not, 1490 01:21:31.180 --> 01:21:33.100 he became the delivery guy, couldn't leave. 1491 01:21:33.100 --> 01:21:34.380 Cause he unpacked everything 1492 01:21:34.380 --> 01:21:35.980 to make sure all the cushions are in. 1493 01:21:35.980 --> 01:21:38.100 And he said, if they're not, there's something's wrong. 1494 01:21:38.100 --> 01:21:39.740 And he unpacked and we got every, 1495 01:21:39.740 --> 01:21:41.820 it was everything was good because, 1496 01:21:41.820 --> 01:21:44.180 and he said that she's the boss of the house, 1497 01:21:44.180 --> 01:21:46.780 cause I have to make sure because she's the boss. 1498 01:21:46.780 --> 01:21:48.900 I'm figuring, so when I left, 1499 01:21:48.900 --> 01:21:50.840 I got this pondering in my head. 1500 01:21:50.840 --> 01:21:52.940 If I meet my spirit mate and I'm the, 1501 01:21:53.580 --> 01:21:56.500 and the role of the guy is to be the head of the household, 1502 01:21:56.500 --> 01:21:58.500 where did he get the idea of becoming the, 1503 01:21:58.500 --> 01:22:00.220 that she's being, she's now the boss. 1504 01:22:00.220 --> 01:22:02.140 Is that the underminer is just contradicting 1505 01:22:02.140 --> 01:22:03.440 my guy as the leader? 1506 01:22:06.020 --> 01:22:07.380 Well, that's a loaded question, Hunter. 1507 01:22:07.380 --> 01:22:09.000 So first of all, you know, 1508 01:22:09.000 --> 01:22:11.500 I don't know these people or their backgrounds, you know, 1509 01:22:11.500 --> 01:22:13.620 so maybe they weren't raised that way. 1510 01:22:13.620 --> 01:22:15.700 Who knows what's up, but you guys, 1511 01:22:15.700 --> 01:22:20.020 when it comes to biblically, what does a family look like? 1512 01:22:20.020 --> 01:22:22.820 First of all, I believe in dividing and conquering. 1513 01:22:23.700 --> 01:22:24.540 I believe that when we come together, 1514 01:22:24.540 --> 01:22:26.220 we come together as partners. 1515 01:22:26.220 --> 01:22:28.220 And so whatever we naturally are good at 1516 01:22:28.220 --> 01:22:29.460 and bring to the table, 1517 01:22:29.460 --> 01:22:31.940 I like for that person to kind of be in charge of that. 1518 01:22:31.940 --> 01:22:32.780 Right? 1519 01:22:32.780 --> 01:22:36.700 So David does not necessarily, you know, 1520 01:22:36.700 --> 01:22:38.900 like certain things that, you know, 1521 01:22:38.900 --> 01:22:41.060 maybe would have been, it's really funny. 1522 01:22:41.060 --> 01:22:44.760 There's a, there's a, there's a comedian. 1523 01:22:44.760 --> 01:22:47.140 His name is Nate Bregazzi. 1524 01:22:47.140 --> 01:22:49.260 And if you've never seen him, go watch him. 1525 01:22:49.260 --> 01:22:50.100 He's clean. 1526 01:22:50.100 --> 01:22:51.300 He's very funny, 1527 01:22:51.300 --> 01:22:54.060 but his wife likes to mow the lawn. 1528 01:22:54.060 --> 01:22:55.700 This is a perfect example. 1529 01:22:55.700 --> 01:22:58.220 And he said, okay, fine. 1530 01:22:58.220 --> 01:22:59.140 You can mow the lawn, 1531 01:22:59.140 --> 01:23:02.780 but first you have to go to every single neighbor 1532 01:23:02.780 --> 01:23:06.020 and let them know that I'm not making you do this, 1533 01:23:06.900 --> 01:23:08.460 that you want to do it. 1534 01:23:08.460 --> 01:23:10.180 Cause I don't want to be that guy 1535 01:23:10.180 --> 01:23:12.380 who's making his wife mow the lawn, right? 1536 01:23:12.380 --> 01:23:14.060 He doesn't want to be that guy because why? 1537 01:23:14.060 --> 01:23:16.900 Because outdoor chores have been considered 1538 01:23:16.900 --> 01:23:18.460 to be masculine chores, 1539 01:23:18.460 --> 01:23:20.980 like mowing the lawn or taking out the garbage 1540 01:23:20.980 --> 01:23:22.860 or whatever, you know, 1541 01:23:22.860 --> 01:23:24.980 if someone's not home and the garbage stinks, 1542 01:23:24.980 --> 01:23:26.340 whoever's home should take it out. 1543 01:23:26.340 --> 01:23:28.100 You know, you don't want to just sit stinky garbage 1544 01:23:28.100 --> 01:23:30.060 in the house because it's the man's job. 1545 01:23:30.060 --> 01:23:31.900 Now this does not apply to pumping gas. 1546 01:23:31.900 --> 01:23:34.380 I believe that's a hundred percent of man's job. 1547 01:23:34.380 --> 01:23:36.020 I will never pump the gas. 1548 01:23:36.020 --> 01:23:37.900 I will run out of gas on the side of the road 1549 01:23:37.900 --> 01:23:39.020 before I'll pump the gas. 1550 01:23:39.020 --> 01:23:41.300 And if I get in the car and there is no gas, 1551 01:23:41.300 --> 01:23:43.180 then I'm going to call my husband, 1552 01:23:43.180 --> 01:23:44.260 boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. 1553 01:23:44.260 --> 01:23:46.820 And I'm going to be like, what have you done to me? 1554 01:23:46.820 --> 01:23:48.940 Why have you done this to me? 1555 01:23:48.940 --> 01:23:50.700 It's going to be not good. 1556 01:23:50.700 --> 01:23:51.860 All right. 1557 01:23:51.860 --> 01:23:53.700 Seriously though, I have pumped my own gas, 1558 01:23:53.700 --> 01:23:55.820 but I am a passenger princess 1559 01:23:55.820 --> 01:23:57.940 and I would prefer not to drive at all 1560 01:23:57.940 --> 01:23:59.060 if I don't have to. 1561 01:23:59.980 --> 01:24:01.940 And it really worked for a long time 1562 01:24:01.940 --> 01:24:02.980 because we only had one car. 1563 01:24:02.980 --> 01:24:05.340 And so if we went anywhere, we usually went together. 1564 01:24:05.340 --> 01:24:08.500 So divide and conquer in a partnership, Hunter. 1565 01:24:08.500 --> 01:24:10.100 Divide and conquer, who's better? 1566 01:24:10.100 --> 01:24:11.420 If the man's the better cook, 1567 01:24:11.420 --> 01:24:12.940 then why would you eat burnt dinners 1568 01:24:12.940 --> 01:24:14.460 just because the woman has to cook? 1569 01:24:14.460 --> 01:24:15.660 That's dumb. 1570 01:24:15.660 --> 01:24:17.900 You know, let's go ahead and let the man cook 1571 01:24:17.900 --> 01:24:19.780 if he enjoys cooking and he likes it. 1572 01:24:19.780 --> 01:24:23.300 And he's like, you know, a little chef. 1573 01:24:23.300 --> 01:24:24.900 So let that happen. 1574 01:24:24.900 --> 01:24:26.860 As far as it comes to raising the children, 1575 01:24:26.860 --> 01:24:28.300 the days are bygone. 1576 01:24:28.300 --> 01:24:31.180 Because here's the thing, friends, women work now. 1577 01:24:32.100 --> 01:24:33.660 Now, if you got it like that 1578 01:24:33.660 --> 01:24:36.180 and you get to stay at home and be a stay-at-home mom, 1579 01:24:36.180 --> 01:24:37.260 that's wonderful. 1580 01:24:37.260 --> 01:24:39.660 And if that's what you want to do, that's wonderful. 1581 01:24:39.660 --> 01:24:42.540 And I feel like if you have the ability financially 1582 01:24:42.540 --> 01:24:44.820 to stay at home and raise the children, you should. 1583 01:24:44.820 --> 01:24:46.380 I did that. 1584 01:24:46.420 --> 01:24:49.220 I didn't do it because I'm not an empowered modern woman. 1585 01:24:49.220 --> 01:24:51.620 I'm an empowered modern woman, 1586 01:24:51.620 --> 01:24:54.580 but my kids needed to have someone in the home. 1587 01:24:54.580 --> 01:24:55.860 We were a blended family. 1588 01:24:55.860 --> 01:25:00.860 I felt like God asked me if I would focus on them for... 1589 01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:02.760 or at the time that they were being raised, and I did. 1590 01:25:02.760 --> 01:25:04.160 And I'm thankful that I got to do that 1591 01:25:04.160 --> 01:25:07.000 because they are incredible human beings, okay? 1592 01:25:07.000 --> 01:25:09.360 And so that legacy will live on. 1593 01:25:09.360 --> 01:25:10.540 And so I'm very thankful. 1594 01:25:10.540 --> 01:25:11.380 And guess what? 1595 01:25:11.380 --> 01:25:13.520 I'm young enough to still do what I want. 1596 01:25:13.520 --> 01:25:15.120 So it's good. 1597 01:25:15.120 --> 01:25:17.440 So if you get the chance to stay at home with your kids, 1598 01:25:17.440 --> 01:25:18.880 stay at home with your kids. 1599 01:25:20.280 --> 01:25:23.920 And really just be that, especially in this day and age, 1600 01:25:23.920 --> 01:25:26.880 be that voice in their lives. 1601 01:25:26.880 --> 01:25:28.160 It's really important. 1602 01:25:28.200 --> 01:25:30.840 And so for child rearing, once again, women work. 1603 01:25:30.840 --> 01:25:32.840 A lot of times people do not have it financially 1604 01:25:32.840 --> 01:25:35.520 so that both people, one person can stay home. 1605 01:25:35.520 --> 01:25:37.720 And so then you should divide the chores, shouldn't you? 1606 01:25:37.720 --> 01:25:39.080 And we go over this in SIMBAS. 1607 01:25:39.080 --> 01:25:40.480 We talk about who's gonna do what, 1608 01:25:40.480 --> 01:25:41.600 what are the expectations? 1609 01:25:41.600 --> 01:25:44.200 And there's a whole list of like, 1610 01:25:44.200 --> 01:25:45.300 who's gonna do the bills? 1611 01:25:45.300 --> 01:25:46.140 Who's gonna do this? 1612 01:25:46.140 --> 01:25:47.160 Who's gonna manage the money? 1613 01:25:47.160 --> 01:25:48.360 Who's gonna take the garbage out? 1614 01:25:48.360 --> 01:25:50.420 Who's gonna, yeah, it's a partnership. 1615 01:25:51.760 --> 01:25:53.000 It's a partnership. 1616 01:25:53.000 --> 01:25:54.680 And now, so when it comes to spiritual things, 1617 01:25:54.680 --> 01:25:56.560 let's talk about what Hunter said 1618 01:25:56.560 --> 01:25:58.560 about the head of the household. 1619 01:25:58.560 --> 01:26:00.600 You guys, that is spiritual terminology. 1620 01:26:01.520 --> 01:26:03.280 That's not natural terminology. 1621 01:26:03.280 --> 01:26:06.160 That's not, I'm the man, what I say goes. 1622 01:26:07.560 --> 01:26:09.760 That is not what the Bible is talking about. 1623 01:26:10.600 --> 01:26:14.140 It's talking about where the buck stops spiritually. 1624 01:26:15.480 --> 01:26:17.880 And that is important for us to understand 1625 01:26:17.880 --> 01:26:22.760 because men, the onus of protecting 1626 01:26:22.760 --> 01:26:24.800 and providing spiritual leadership 1627 01:26:24.800 --> 01:26:28.080 for your family is on you, okay? 1628 01:26:28.080 --> 01:26:29.840 You're the covering, okay? 1629 01:26:29.840 --> 01:26:32.480 Christ, man, woman, child. 1630 01:26:32.480 --> 01:26:34.000 It's important for you to understand 1631 01:26:34.000 --> 01:26:36.040 that that's what that's talking about. 1632 01:26:36.040 --> 01:26:38.600 And that is a very big assignment 1633 01:26:38.600 --> 01:26:42.440 and it cannot be taken lightly. 1634 01:26:42.440 --> 01:26:44.080 So that's what it's talking about, Hunter. 1635 01:26:44.080 --> 01:26:46.120 It's not talking about who wears the pants 1636 01:26:46.120 --> 01:26:47.720 and who makes the decisions. 1637 01:26:47.720 --> 01:26:51.040 Once again, you're probably going to divide that 1638 01:26:51.040 --> 01:26:53.600 based on who is good at what, 1639 01:26:53.600 --> 01:26:55.960 who has wisdom in what area. 1640 01:26:55.960 --> 01:26:59.560 My husband is really good with finances 1641 01:26:59.560 --> 01:27:01.640 and spreadsheets and different things. 1642 01:27:01.640 --> 01:27:05.840 And he takes care of all that. 1643 01:27:07.160 --> 01:27:09.200 I will tell you that in our family, 1644 01:27:09.200 --> 01:27:12.880 nobody makes any big decision unless there's agreement. 1645 01:27:12.880 --> 01:27:14.680 If there's not agreement in our family, 1646 01:27:14.680 --> 01:27:15.960 then we don't make a big decision. 1647 01:27:15.960 --> 01:27:17.560 And I will tell you, my friends, 1648 01:27:17.560 --> 01:27:22.560 that the three times, four times in our marriage 1649 01:27:22.720 --> 01:27:26.320 for the last 17 years, where we made a big decision, 1650 01:27:26.320 --> 01:27:28.720 where both of us were not 100% on board. 1651 01:27:28.720 --> 01:27:30.320 We both didn't have confirmation 1652 01:27:30.320 --> 01:27:32.040 or peace about the decision, 1653 01:27:32.040 --> 01:27:35.120 but we made it anyway based on some kind of pressure 1654 01:27:35.120 --> 01:27:37.760 from the outside to go ahead and make a decision. 1655 01:27:37.760 --> 01:27:40.520 Or one of us just really didn't feel one way or another. 1656 01:27:40.520 --> 01:27:43.480 So we took that as, oh yeah, maybe it's okay. 1657 01:27:43.480 --> 01:27:46.120 All four of those times, it was a disaster. 1658 01:27:46.120 --> 01:27:47.520 It was a disaster. 1659 01:27:47.520 --> 01:27:49.360 And so leaning into the wisdom of each other, 1660 01:27:49.360 --> 01:27:52.680 praying together, asking God for confirmations 1661 01:27:52.680 --> 01:27:54.560 when you make big decisions, really important. 1662 01:27:54.560 --> 01:27:56.640 And when it comes to spending in our family, 1663 01:27:56.640 --> 01:28:00.160 we also do not make any kind of purchases 1664 01:28:01.240 --> 01:28:05.000 beyond a certain marker 1665 01:28:05.000 --> 01:28:07.720 unless there is agreement on that as well. 1666 01:28:07.720 --> 01:28:09.160 So you guys, you wanna have partnership. 1667 01:28:09.160 --> 01:28:12.040 You wanna have agreement in your home for sure. 1668 01:28:12.040 --> 01:28:14.000 All right, we ran out of time here. 1669 01:28:14.000 --> 01:28:18.200 So I wanna go ahead and take a look here at the comments 1670 01:28:18.240 --> 01:28:19.320 before we go. 1671 01:28:21.400 --> 01:28:23.440 And you guys, back to expectations, 1672 01:28:23.440 --> 01:28:25.000 because this was part two of expectations. 1673 01:28:25.000 --> 01:28:28.000 We might have to have a part three of expectations 1674 01:28:28.000 --> 01:28:29.720 in the levels of relationship. 1675 01:28:30.800 --> 01:28:32.520 You can expect that someone 1676 01:28:32.520 --> 01:28:34.360 that you're in a level three relationship, 1677 01:28:34.360 --> 01:28:36.400 this is where you need to be finding out 1678 01:28:36.400 --> 01:28:38.280 what do they think about gender roles. 1679 01:28:39.880 --> 01:28:41.200 Before you get to engagement, 1680 01:28:41.200 --> 01:28:42.400 it's important for you to find out 1681 01:28:42.400 --> 01:28:43.880 what they think about gender roles. 1682 01:28:43.880 --> 01:28:46.720 If they have some kind of antiquated idea 1683 01:28:46.760 --> 01:28:49.480 that women should be seen and not heard, 1684 01:28:49.480 --> 01:28:51.720 you might not wanna marry that man, okay? 1685 01:28:51.720 --> 01:28:53.240 If they have some kind of idea 1686 01:28:54.800 --> 01:28:58.320 that women are lesser than and not equal to 1687 01:28:58.320 --> 01:29:01.640 as far as in Christ with men, 1688 01:29:01.640 --> 01:29:04.160 it's important that you know that stuff now. 1689 01:29:04.160 --> 01:29:06.040 It's really important that you know that stuff now. 1690 01:29:06.040 --> 01:29:08.080 And if you're the kind of person that believes that as well, 1691 01:29:08.080 --> 01:29:09.760 like women shouldn't speak in the church, 1692 01:29:09.760 --> 01:29:13.040 if you have the twisted theology 1693 01:29:13.040 --> 01:29:16.560 and have misinterpreted scriptures, 1694 01:29:17.400 --> 01:29:18.440 especially the Pauline scriptures, 1695 01:29:18.440 --> 01:29:21.440 to believe that women are subservient 1696 01:29:21.440 --> 01:29:23.840 or inferior in the body of Christ, 1697 01:29:23.840 --> 01:29:25.800 then you're gonna wanna know that 1698 01:29:25.800 --> 01:29:27.920 before you partner with that person, okay? 1699 01:29:27.920 --> 01:29:30.120 That's all really important stuff. 1700 01:29:30.120 --> 01:29:31.440 Women are not to lord over men 1701 01:29:31.440 --> 01:29:32.960 and men are not to lord over women. 1702 01:29:32.960 --> 01:29:35.480 We are to submit to one another in love. 1703 01:29:35.480 --> 01:29:37.720 And when it comes to the family, 1704 01:29:37.720 --> 01:29:40.720 the man's role as the covering 1705 01:29:40.720 --> 01:29:44.400 and as the head of the provision 1706 01:29:44.400 --> 01:29:47.320 and the protection is a very important role. 1707 01:29:47.320 --> 01:29:50.040 And ladies, don't get married 1708 01:29:50.040 --> 01:29:53.640 unless you are able to be feminine enough 1709 01:29:53.640 --> 01:29:57.440 to submit to the protection and covering of a man. 1710 01:29:57.440 --> 01:29:59.600 That's super important, all right? 1711 01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:03.340 be bucking him and pushing against him at every turn 1712 01:30:03.340 --> 01:30:06.100 and not allowing him to look out for you, 1713 01:30:06.100 --> 01:30:09.360 then that is not gonna be a good union, all right? 1714 01:30:09.360 --> 01:30:12.080 So these are the things that we have to find out 1715 01:30:12.080 --> 01:30:14.520 as soon as we can in that level three courtship 1716 01:30:14.520 --> 01:30:16.740 because that may be the deal breaker 1717 01:30:16.740 --> 01:30:19.920 that keeps us from being able to go forward into level four. 1718 01:30:19.920 --> 01:30:21.880 All right, Father God, we thank you for each and every 1719 01:30:21.880 --> 01:30:23.900 one of your sons and daughters that are here tonight. 1720 01:30:23.900 --> 01:30:25.920 We thank you for their love stories. 1721 01:30:25.920 --> 01:30:28.340 You're making matches like never before, Lord. 1722 01:30:28.460 --> 01:30:29.860 So we thank you, God, that you're making 1723 01:30:29.860 --> 01:30:31.620 divine appointments for people 1724 01:30:31.620 --> 01:30:34.260 and they are falling in love when they least expect it 1725 01:30:34.260 --> 01:30:38.020 and that is happening in droves in these communities. 1726 01:30:38.020 --> 01:30:39.440 And so, Lord, we thank you, God, 1727 01:30:39.440 --> 01:30:42.420 that you have them highlighted from heaven 1728 01:30:42.420 --> 01:30:44.260 and that you're gonna continue to show them 1729 01:30:44.260 --> 01:30:47.140 the things that they need to do in order to be ready 1730 01:30:47.140 --> 01:30:50.060 to step into these opportunities when they come. 1731 01:30:50.060 --> 01:30:52.020 In Jesus' name, amen. 1732 01:30:52.020 --> 01:30:52.860 All right.