WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:06.800
Okay, so we are in phase two, and it's our weekly check-in.

2
00:00:06.800 --> 00:00:07.800
My name is Renee Rizzo.

3
00:00:07.800 --> 00:00:11.080
I'm part of the leadership team here.

4
00:00:11.080 --> 00:00:16.720
And bonus, I'm in the middle of a level three relationship, so I get to share my sagas with

5
00:00:16.720 --> 00:00:17.720
you guys.

6
00:00:17.720 --> 00:00:20.480
So you realize it's not easy.

7
00:00:20.480 --> 00:00:22.800
Jackie always says, it's not easy, but it's worth it.

8
00:00:22.800 --> 00:00:26.400
I'm here to tell you that's true.

9
00:00:26.400 --> 00:00:29.920
And so I get to share all my foibles.

10
00:00:29.920 --> 00:00:31.560
At the same time, we're talking about that.

11
00:00:31.560 --> 00:00:36.160
So some of you may be here that are new to phase two.

12
00:00:36.160 --> 00:00:37.640
We have a really good time here.

13
00:00:37.640 --> 00:00:42.120
If you're just joining us, we had 55 women come into phase two this past week.

14
00:00:42.120 --> 00:00:44.840
So we have a lot of new women that are coming in.

15
00:00:44.840 --> 00:00:48.140
We've had some that have moved on.

16
00:00:48.140 --> 00:00:53.240
And my only request is that you show up and you be present, you be willing to be vulnerable

17
00:00:53.400 --> 00:00:56.480
and ask your questions, share your wins.

18
00:00:56.480 --> 00:00:59.380
And this is like group coaching at its best.

19
00:00:59.380 --> 00:01:00.880
This time is for you.

20
00:01:00.880 --> 00:01:06.480
Father God, we just thank you so much that Jackie and David, that you put this dream

21
00:01:06.480 --> 00:01:11.720
into Jackie and David, for them to create this ministry and even hold sacred safe space

22
00:01:11.720 --> 00:01:15.680
where women can come together and grow and learn and understand who you've called us

23
00:01:15.680 --> 00:01:20.880
to be so that we can show up to be our most authentic self.

24
00:01:20.880 --> 00:01:25.840
Because you write our love story and match us with the person that you have designed

25
00:01:25.840 --> 00:01:26.840
for us.

26
00:01:26.840 --> 00:01:29.980
Knowing that, Father God, you probably have more than one option for us because you want

27
00:01:29.980 --> 00:01:31.960
us to be able to choose.

28
00:01:31.960 --> 00:01:37.560
And so may it be so, and may we become all that you've asked us to be in Jesus name.

29
00:01:37.560 --> 00:01:38.560
Amen.

30
00:01:38.560 --> 00:01:39.560
Okay.

31
00:01:39.560 --> 00:01:40.560
So we always start with housekeeping.

32
00:01:40.560 --> 00:01:46.280
So if you are new to phase two, anybody here for the first time, raise your avatar hand

33
00:01:46.280 --> 00:01:50.680
if you are here for the first time.

34
00:01:51.480 --> 00:01:52.480
Nobody?

35
00:01:52.480 --> 00:01:53.480
Okay.

36
00:01:53.480 --> 00:01:54.480
Rachel, Rachel, you are new.

37
00:01:54.480 --> 00:01:55.480
I love it.

38
00:01:55.480 --> 00:01:56.480
All right.

39
00:01:56.480 --> 00:01:57.480
Brittany, you're new.

40
00:01:57.480 --> 00:01:58.480
Okay.

41
00:01:58.480 --> 00:02:03.120
So here's kind of the rules of engagement and how we like to hang out and partay on Tuesday.

42
00:02:03.120 --> 00:02:04.120
I'm going to make sure I mute you.

43
00:02:04.120 --> 00:02:05.120
Yeah, something's wrong with your laptop.

44
00:02:05.120 --> 00:02:06.120
Your laptop sucks.

45
00:02:06.120 --> 00:02:07.120
It's not working.

46
00:02:07.120 --> 00:02:08.120
I'm trying to mute you.

47
00:02:08.120 --> 00:02:09.120
Why can't I mute you?

48
00:02:09.120 --> 00:02:10.120
Oh, no.

49
00:02:10.120 --> 00:02:11.120
Dawn, I need...

50
00:02:11.120 --> 00:02:12.120
Oh, there you go.

51
00:02:12.120 --> 00:02:13.120
Okay.

52
00:02:13.120 --> 00:02:16.440
Dawn was having computer issues.

53
00:02:16.440 --> 00:02:17.720
It's all good.

54
00:02:17.720 --> 00:02:18.720
Grace abounds here too.

55
00:02:18.720 --> 00:02:19.720
Okay.

56
00:02:19.760 --> 00:02:20.760
I love it.

57
00:02:20.760 --> 00:02:21.760
You guys are amazing people.

58
00:02:21.760 --> 00:02:22.760
So usually what happens in phase two...

59
00:02:22.760 --> 00:02:29.560
Now, I know in phase one, if you're with Bethany, technically, she would do teaching, breakouts,

60
00:02:29.560 --> 00:02:30.880
come back together.

61
00:02:30.880 --> 00:02:33.480
When Jackie or I lead, we tend to keep you guys all together.

62
00:02:33.480 --> 00:02:35.560
It's usually a small enough group.

63
00:02:35.560 --> 00:02:40.600
I feel like you guys ask really good questions and I want everybody to hear the answers.

64
00:02:40.600 --> 00:02:43.600
So we're all kind of learning the same thing.

65
00:02:43.600 --> 00:02:48.840
I will usually teach and go over some notes based on what you guys are sharing in the

66
00:02:48.960 --> 00:02:49.960
roll call.

67
00:02:49.960 --> 00:02:54.360
So if you have an issue that's going on, make sure you write about it in the roll call question.

68
00:02:54.360 --> 00:02:56.160
And so we kind of summarize it.

69
00:02:56.160 --> 00:03:00.720
And then I hold the floor for you guys to ask any question you want.

70
00:03:00.720 --> 00:03:04.400
I will warn you, sometimes we go really late here on Tuesday nights.

71
00:03:04.400 --> 00:03:08.480
And so if you need to hop off, get off and go to bed and do what you need to do, and

72
00:03:08.480 --> 00:03:10.800
you can always watch the rest of it in replay.

73
00:03:10.800 --> 00:03:15.520
I just always want everyone to feel like if they've got a question that I will hold space

74
00:03:15.520 --> 00:03:17.480
to let them ask it.

75
00:03:17.480 --> 00:03:20.920
And believe it or not, you guys, if you have no questions, you've not watched any of the

76
00:03:20.920 --> 00:03:24.920
videos, always feel like you can show up and hold space here.

77
00:03:24.920 --> 00:03:28.360
You will learn a lot by listening to other people.

78
00:03:28.360 --> 00:03:30.920
And sometimes you'll learn a lot about yourself.

79
00:03:30.920 --> 00:03:34.480
Like it's like, you know, when you go see a therapist, you can tell a therapist exactly

80
00:03:34.480 --> 00:03:36.120
what you think they want to hear.

81
00:03:36.120 --> 00:03:41.880
But like when you're in like a group session or like a recovery meeting, you watch someone

82
00:03:41.880 --> 00:03:43.720
else behave the same way you do.

83
00:03:43.720 --> 00:03:46.000
And you're like, wow, that's what that looks like.

84
00:03:46.520 --> 00:03:48.320
Like I need to work on that.

85
00:03:48.320 --> 00:03:54.160
And so you can't, you know, it just it teaches you something that's even in my opinion, bigger

86
00:03:54.160 --> 00:03:55.480
than just one on one coaching.

87
00:03:55.480 --> 00:03:59.680
So it's a great space for you guys to be raw, be real.

88
00:03:59.680 --> 00:04:03.360
Whenever it's a co-ed event, you know, we want you to look your camera best here on

89
00:04:03.360 --> 00:04:04.360
Tuesday nights.

90
00:04:04.360 --> 00:04:06.120
You can look as scrappy as you need to.

91
00:04:06.120 --> 00:04:07.120
It is all good.

92
00:04:07.120 --> 00:04:08.280
I just came from the gym.

93
00:04:08.280 --> 00:04:10.040
So I look pretty scrappy right now.

94
00:04:10.040 --> 00:04:15.320
I pretty sure I have no makeup left on my face, but normally I look cute, not tonight.

95
00:04:15.320 --> 00:04:17.079
And so we're going to have fun.

96
00:04:17.079 --> 00:04:19.200
And anyway, let me get right to it.

97
00:04:19.200 --> 00:04:25.400
So if you had a chance to remember, let me just remember, there's like five main videos

98
00:04:25.400 --> 00:04:26.800
for phase two.

99
00:04:26.800 --> 00:04:33.320
The ideal is to watch one a week, watch it, pray about it, journal and ask God how he

100
00:04:33.320 --> 00:04:34.760
wants you to activate it.

101
00:04:34.760 --> 00:04:41.520
Love story accelerator, dating 101, online dating, boundaries, divine feminine.

102
00:04:41.520 --> 00:04:43.520
I did not say that in the correct order.

103
00:04:43.520 --> 00:04:48.320
But I believe all of those teachings can help you with all of your relationships, not just

104
00:04:48.320 --> 00:04:49.400
your dating relationships.

105
00:04:49.400 --> 00:04:51.480
I keep saying it, but it's true.

106
00:04:51.480 --> 00:04:57.020
You want to practice being divine feminine and you want to practice healthy relationships

107
00:04:57.020 --> 00:05:00.000
with platonic relationships first, before you.

108
00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:02.380
at all the hormones in there and getting hot and bothered.

109
00:05:02.380 --> 00:05:03.480
So you wanna make sure that you know

110
00:05:03.480 --> 00:05:05.120
how to master all of that.

111
00:05:05.120 --> 00:05:08.680
And the Lord is gonna have you in and out of dating seasons.

112
00:05:08.680 --> 00:05:11.200
And so you wanna make sure that you can use

113
00:05:11.200 --> 00:05:13.460
what we're teaching you in all of your love stories,

114
00:05:13.460 --> 00:05:15.200
even if it's a love story with your family

115
00:05:15.200 --> 00:05:16.520
and your friends.

116
00:05:16.520 --> 00:05:20.240
Okay, so Supernatural Saturday.

117
00:05:20.240 --> 00:05:22.760
Bethany wanted me to kind of remind you a little bit,

118
00:05:22.760 --> 00:05:25.640
if you have not watched the Supernatural Saturday

119
00:05:25.640 --> 00:05:28.720
that Jackie started and then Bethany finished,

120
00:05:28.720 --> 00:05:29.960
make sure you go ahead and do that.

121
00:05:29.960 --> 00:05:31.520
Those are always super powerful.

122
00:05:31.520 --> 00:05:34.080
And so the five bullet points,

123
00:05:34.080 --> 00:05:36.400
Bethany wanted me to remind you that got brought up

124
00:05:36.400 --> 00:05:38.800
is prepare for the promised land.

125
00:05:40.320 --> 00:05:42.440
A lot of times, like I wanna say this to you,

126
00:05:42.440 --> 00:05:44.280
like picture right now,

127
00:05:45.160 --> 00:05:48.640
if your man showed up today and put a ring on your finger,

128
00:05:49.740 --> 00:05:52.440
does your car look like you want it to look like?

129
00:05:52.440 --> 00:05:54.560
Does your home look like you want it to look like?

130
00:05:54.560 --> 00:05:57.600
Does your bank account look like you want it to look like?

131
00:05:57.600 --> 00:05:59.760
Does your body look like you want it to look like?

132
00:06:00.560 --> 00:06:03.000
All of the things, like is your house in order?

133
00:06:03.960 --> 00:06:05.800
Is your land prepared?

134
00:06:05.800 --> 00:06:07.240
Is your home prepared?

135
00:06:07.240 --> 00:06:11.120
And so it's really important for you to prepare the land,

136
00:06:11.120 --> 00:06:13.040
prepare your home, prepare your car,

137
00:06:13.040 --> 00:06:15.560
prepare your heart, prepare your mind.

138
00:06:15.560 --> 00:06:20.560
In all of the ways are you preparing for the promised land?

139
00:06:21.960 --> 00:06:25.040
You would never want like everything to fall on your lap

140
00:06:25.040 --> 00:06:26.900
and you'd be like, oh my gosh, I'm not prepared for this.

141
00:06:26.900 --> 00:06:28.680
I'm not prepared for this abundance.

142
00:06:28.680 --> 00:06:30.640
So you wanna make sure you're prepared.

143
00:06:30.640 --> 00:06:32.240
Two, remember God.

144
00:06:32.240 --> 00:06:37.200
You guys, we never want to want our person,

145
00:06:37.200 --> 00:06:40.000
want a weight loss, want a job.

146
00:06:40.000 --> 00:06:44.560
We never want a thing or someone more than we want God.

147
00:06:44.560 --> 00:06:47.120
God always needs, remember God is really clear.

148
00:06:47.120 --> 00:06:48.120
He's a jealous God.

149
00:06:48.120 --> 00:06:50.040
He does not like other idols.

150
00:06:50.040 --> 00:06:52.520
And I always loved this phrase,

151
00:06:52.520 --> 00:06:56.320
you know what your idol is, I-O-D, I-D-O-L,

152
00:06:56.320 --> 00:06:59.220
when you think about where your mind goes

153
00:06:59.220 --> 00:07:01.800
when you're idle, I-D-L-E.

154
00:07:01.800 --> 00:07:04.400
So where your mind goes when you're idle

155
00:07:05.240 --> 00:07:07.580
is probably your idol.

156
00:07:08.620 --> 00:07:11.920
So if you're obsessing over your dating life

157
00:07:11.920 --> 00:07:16.920
and who you might be dating, has he become your idol?

158
00:07:17.580 --> 00:07:18.820
Has that become your idol?

159
00:07:18.820 --> 00:07:22.840
So we wanna make sure that God's always your main focus.

160
00:07:22.840 --> 00:07:24.540
Do not accept the counterfeit.

161
00:07:24.540 --> 00:07:25.380
I don't know about y'all,

162
00:07:25.420 --> 00:07:28.460
but like I always used to say after so many bad dates,

163
00:07:28.460 --> 00:07:32.420
like I do not want to get lost in any more Ishmaels.

164
00:07:32.420 --> 00:07:34.060
I wanna find my Isaac.

165
00:07:34.060 --> 00:07:36.260
Like it's important for me to find my Isaac.

166
00:07:36.260 --> 00:07:39.100
I want to find the person that God has for me

167
00:07:39.100 --> 00:07:41.020
and I don't wanna settle.

168
00:07:41.020 --> 00:07:44.740
And you guys, right before I found Rick and Rick found me,

169
00:07:44.740 --> 00:07:47.180
I really thought I was gonna have to get ready to settle

170
00:07:47.180 --> 00:07:52.180
for some, like maybe not an Ishmael, but like an Isaac 2.0.

171
00:07:52.340 --> 00:07:54.380
Like he's good enough.

172
00:07:54.380 --> 00:07:56.020
It's good enough.

173
00:07:56.020 --> 00:07:58.020
And I felt like the Lord was like, no,

174
00:07:58.020 --> 00:07:59.140
you just hold out, girl.

175
00:07:59.140 --> 00:08:00.220
You just hold out.

176
00:08:00.220 --> 00:08:01.140
And I know y'all,

177
00:08:01.140 --> 00:08:02.700
there were times Jackie thought I was being

178
00:08:02.700 --> 00:08:04.460
super picky, miss picky.

179
00:08:04.460 --> 00:08:05.540
She's like, really?

180
00:08:05.540 --> 00:08:07.260
Why did you dump that guy?

181
00:08:07.260 --> 00:08:08.220
Really?

182
00:08:08.220 --> 00:08:09.060
Why?

183
00:08:09.060 --> 00:08:09.880
Why?

184
00:08:09.880 --> 00:08:10.720
Are you sure?

185
00:08:10.720 --> 00:08:11.540
Are you sure you didn't give him a chance?

186
00:08:11.540 --> 00:08:13.180
And I'm like, no, I just, no.

187
00:08:13.180 --> 00:08:14.820
And I am sure there was a while there.

188
00:08:14.820 --> 00:08:17.260
I looked like I was being super stinking picky,

189
00:08:18.340 --> 00:08:21.860
but I just did not have perfect God's perfect peace about it.

190
00:08:22.540 --> 00:08:23.380
And anybody else.

191
00:08:23.380 --> 00:08:26.980
And so I feel good that I held out.

192
00:08:27.820 --> 00:08:30.620
Ooh, remember not to defile the land.

193
00:08:30.620 --> 00:08:32.720
And so you wanna make sure, again,

194
00:08:32.720 --> 00:08:33.900
you take care of your body.

195
00:08:33.900 --> 00:08:35.400
You take care of your health.

196
00:08:35.400 --> 00:08:38.580
You wanna make sure that you speak well of others.

197
00:08:38.580 --> 00:08:41.860
You guys, sometimes it's a blessing to be in this community.

198
00:08:41.860 --> 00:08:42.700
I'll tell you what,

199
00:08:42.700 --> 00:08:45.180
we have probably a thousand women in this community.

200
00:08:45.180 --> 00:08:47.140
Y'all know what it's like when a thousand women

201
00:08:47.140 --> 00:08:48.460
get in the same place, right?

202
00:08:48.460 --> 00:08:51.540
Like with the comparison train could go down.

203
00:08:52.220 --> 00:08:54.100
It could be petty comparison.

204
00:08:54.100 --> 00:08:57.180
You know, I'm kind of like Tom Hanks in the, you know,

205
00:08:57.180 --> 00:08:58.300
oh my gosh, what was the movie?

206
00:08:58.300 --> 00:09:00.640
When he said, there's no crying in baseball.

207
00:09:00.640 --> 00:09:01.480
That's kind of me.

208
00:09:01.480 --> 00:09:03.660
I'm kind of like Tom Hanks, there's no crying in baseball.

209
00:09:03.660 --> 00:09:05.260
And a lot of times when a lot of chicks

210
00:09:05.260 --> 00:09:06.460
get in the same room together,

211
00:09:06.460 --> 00:09:08.540
it can get like really negative.

212
00:09:08.540 --> 00:09:11.980
And I'm really proud of the fact that this ministry,

213
00:09:11.980 --> 00:09:14.780
I think it's because we do pray every single day.

214
00:09:14.780 --> 00:09:16.700
We have holy protection around it.

215
00:09:16.700 --> 00:09:19.420
So you just wanna make sure that you are treating

216
00:09:19.420 --> 00:09:21.380
the other sisters with kindness,

217
00:09:22.100 --> 00:09:24.580
you don't wanna compare, you don't wanna compete.

218
00:09:24.580 --> 00:09:27.140
You wanna make sure you cover and protect

219
00:09:27.140 --> 00:09:28.660
and celebrate one another.

220
00:09:29.700 --> 00:09:32.940
Number five, we all have to prune something,

221
00:09:32.940 --> 00:09:35.220
sometimes even good things.

222
00:09:35.220 --> 00:09:36.100
So I don't know about you,

223
00:09:36.100 --> 00:09:40.380
but pruning the bad stuff is always the easy part, right?

224
00:09:40.380 --> 00:09:43.620
Like if you clean your house and you wanna declutter it,

225
00:09:43.620 --> 00:09:46.940
it's really easy to get rid of the garbage and the crap.

226
00:09:46.940 --> 00:09:51.100
The harder part is to get rid of the things that you like,

227
00:09:51.820 --> 00:09:54.140
but you don't love, right?

228
00:09:54.140 --> 00:09:55.660
Those are gonna be the harder things.

229
00:09:55.660 --> 00:09:59.620
And so as you're looking at your time and your resources,

230
00:09:59.620 --> 00:10:01.580
some of the things that God's gonna...

231
00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:01.600
and ask you to lay down,

232
00:10:01.600 --> 00:10:05.500
are things that have served you really well in the past.

233
00:10:05.500 --> 00:10:08.240
And it's okay that they served you well.

234
00:10:08.240 --> 00:10:09.160
It's just that they,

235
00:10:09.160 --> 00:10:12.100
they're not things that God wants you to take with you.

236
00:10:12.960 --> 00:10:14.680
Now, a lot of you are new and you don't know this,

237
00:10:14.680 --> 00:10:17.240
but I ran an, I was in the corporate world,

238
00:10:17.240 --> 00:10:19.120
then I was in full-time church ministry,

239
00:10:19.120 --> 00:10:22.520
and then I ran a faith-based nonprofit for nearly 20 years.

240
00:10:22.520 --> 00:10:24.780
And I laid that down a few years ago.

241
00:10:25.720 --> 00:10:28.120
I kind of took a time off.

242
00:10:28.120 --> 00:10:29.640
I've been doing consulting work

243
00:10:29.640 --> 00:10:32.520
and coaching for small businesses and nonprofits.

244
00:10:32.520 --> 00:10:33.920
Finished, I published a book,

245
00:10:33.920 --> 00:10:35.320
and now I'm in seminary school,

246
00:10:35.320 --> 00:10:36.700
and I'm just figuring it all out.

247
00:10:36.700 --> 00:10:38.520
Like, I feel like I'm a kid again.

248
00:10:38.520 --> 00:10:41.040
Figuring it all out, what God has next for me.

249
00:10:41.040 --> 00:10:44.400
And God has had me lay down so many things

250
00:10:44.400 --> 00:10:47.320
from that nonprofit that I didn't,

251
00:10:47.320 --> 00:10:49.840
had I known he was gonna ask me to lay those things down,

252
00:10:49.840 --> 00:10:51.040
I wouldn't have done it.

253
00:10:51.960 --> 00:10:54.720
Because I can tell you at 55, it's really scary.

254
00:10:54.720 --> 00:10:57.040
Some of the friendships, some of the people,

255
00:10:57.080 --> 00:11:00.960
some of the relationships, and the identity.

256
00:11:00.960 --> 00:11:02.720
I mean, Hope Clinic was my baby.

257
00:11:02.720 --> 00:11:05.000
I've not been married and I don't have kids.

258
00:11:05.000 --> 00:11:08.220
And so I feel like that nonprofit became my husband

259
00:11:08.220 --> 00:11:10.760
and my children all at the same time.

260
00:11:10.760 --> 00:11:14.920
And I've just really had to unpack

261
00:11:14.920 --> 00:11:17.120
what my identity in Christ looks like

262
00:11:17.120 --> 00:11:19.200
when I'm not president of a company

263
00:11:19.200 --> 00:11:21.600
and known in this city for that position.

264
00:11:21.600 --> 00:11:25.080
And when I'm not saving babies and raising all this money.

265
00:11:25.280 --> 00:11:28.520
It's been a really humbling experience to go,

266
00:11:28.520 --> 00:11:32.040
do I trust who God says I am just because he created me

267
00:11:32.040 --> 00:11:34.140
and not because of the stuff that I'm doing?

268
00:11:34.140 --> 00:11:36.440
So for some of you, I don't normally share this story.

269
00:11:36.440 --> 00:11:37.920
So somebody needs to hear this.

270
00:11:37.920 --> 00:11:41.640
Somebody is super performance-driven here.

271
00:11:41.640 --> 00:11:44.280
And it may have been you were performing as a mom,

272
00:11:44.280 --> 00:11:46.240
you were performing as a sister.

273
00:11:46.240 --> 00:11:47.800
It doesn't have to mean you were performing

274
00:11:47.800 --> 00:11:49.240
out in the corporate world.

275
00:11:49.240 --> 00:11:53.560
It just means you've been like a hamster running a race,

276
00:11:53.560 --> 00:11:56.000
trying to prove to everybody how amazing you are.

277
00:11:56.000 --> 00:11:57.600
And if you just serve enough people

278
00:11:57.600 --> 00:12:01.920
and you do enough good, you will find your value and purpose.

279
00:12:01.920 --> 00:12:03.720
And God just wants you to know,

280
00:12:03.720 --> 00:12:06.440
he loves you just the way that you are.

281
00:12:06.440 --> 00:12:08.400
Loves you just the way that you are.

282
00:12:10.840 --> 00:12:12.280
Yeah.

283
00:12:12.280 --> 00:12:13.100
Okay.

284
00:12:13.100 --> 00:12:14.680
So that's what I wanted to tell you about that.

285
00:12:14.680 --> 00:12:16.200
That was just a little rabbit trail.

286
00:12:16.200 --> 00:12:17.320
Okie dokie.

287
00:12:17.320 --> 00:12:18.840
I already welcomed the new people.

288
00:12:18.840 --> 00:12:20.740
We're so excited that you're here.

289
00:12:20.740 --> 00:12:24.180
Remember in these phases, you get what you put into it.

290
00:12:24.180 --> 00:12:27.660
And so we wanna make sure that you answer in the roll call.

291
00:12:27.660 --> 00:12:30.580
If you have questions, comments, celebrations, confusions,

292
00:12:30.580 --> 00:12:32.380
make sure that you put in the feed.

293
00:12:32.380 --> 00:12:34.180
If you are venturing out there dating

294
00:12:34.180 --> 00:12:37.220
and you're willing to create an online dating app,

295
00:12:37.220 --> 00:12:40.920
a lot of you are posting your photos, your bio,

296
00:12:40.920 --> 00:12:42.740
and you're letting your sisters critique

297
00:12:42.740 --> 00:12:45.020
and tell you which photos to put first,

298
00:12:45.020 --> 00:12:47.340
which ones to switch it out to.

299
00:12:47.340 --> 00:12:49.420
And so I'm not gonna retell you

300
00:12:49.460 --> 00:12:51.700
if you've not gotten to the online dating video,

301
00:12:51.700 --> 00:12:53.300
I think that's the third one.

302
00:12:53.300 --> 00:12:55.280
And you're like, there's no way I'm gonna go back

303
00:12:55.280 --> 00:12:56.540
to the online dating world.

304
00:12:56.540 --> 00:12:59.100
Wait till you get to that video, no rush.

305
00:12:59.100 --> 00:13:00.500
And you guys, let me just remind you,

306
00:13:00.500 --> 00:13:03.060
people always ask me this, how do you meet people?

307
00:13:04.020 --> 00:13:05.580
Here's the first thing I will tell you.

308
00:13:05.580 --> 00:13:07.860
We believe as you finish the heart work,

309
00:13:07.860 --> 00:13:09.460
which many of you did, right?

310
00:13:09.460 --> 00:13:10.340
You're here now.

311
00:13:11.600 --> 00:13:12.700
That God has highlighted,

312
00:13:12.700 --> 00:13:14.420
he's gonna highlight you in a way

313
00:13:14.420 --> 00:13:16.340
that you've not been highlighted before.

314
00:13:16.340 --> 00:13:17.540
He is gonna defend you

315
00:13:17.540 --> 00:13:19.780
and you're gonna let him defend you

316
00:13:19.780 --> 00:13:22.360
in a way you've never let him defend you before.

317
00:13:22.360 --> 00:13:24.660
A lot of us have been very self-defended

318
00:13:24.660 --> 00:13:26.820
because we've had to take care of ourselves.

319
00:13:26.820 --> 00:13:29.660
So you are gonna get back out there in the world,

320
00:13:29.660 --> 00:13:32.420
God defended with a light shining on you.

321
00:13:32.420 --> 00:13:35.840
You're gonna have a supernatural glow.

322
00:13:35.840 --> 00:13:38.180
So that just already makes you different.

323
00:13:38.180 --> 00:13:39.380
So how do you meet people?

324
00:13:39.380 --> 00:13:42.620
Besides online, most cities have what's called

325
00:13:42.620 --> 00:13:43.440
meetup groups.

326
00:13:43.440 --> 00:13:44.620
You can actually just Google it,

327
00:13:44.620 --> 00:13:46.940
local meetup groups for singles.

328
00:13:47.300 --> 00:13:48.500
They do adventures.

329
00:13:48.500 --> 00:13:50.280
I think in Nashville, there's a meetup group

330
00:13:50.280 --> 00:13:52.900
and there's something called adventures and something.

331
00:13:52.900 --> 00:13:54.380
And so you can do those things.

332
00:13:54.380 --> 00:13:56.780
You can find church single events to do.

333
00:13:56.780 --> 00:13:58.340
It doesn't even have to be your church.

334
00:13:58.340 --> 00:13:59.900
There are lots of churches around

335
00:13:59.900 --> 00:14:02.060
doing single events right now.

336
00:14:02.060 --> 00:14:06.220
Go to the golf course and just rent a bucket of balls

337
00:14:06.220 --> 00:14:08.820
and a thing of golf clubs.

338
00:14:08.820 --> 00:14:10.900
Go to, if you don't like to drink,

339
00:14:10.900 --> 00:14:13.300
but go to like a sports bar during the day

340
00:14:13.300 --> 00:14:14.740
when the hockey games,

341
00:14:14.740 --> 00:14:17.100
like I think it's hockey season now, right?

342
00:14:17.100 --> 00:14:20.900
And so go watch a game with a girlfriend, go bowling,

343
00:14:20.900 --> 00:14:23.980
go buy your brother-in-law or your dad

344
00:14:23.980 --> 00:14:26.140
something from Bass Pro Shop.

345
00:14:26.140 --> 00:14:28.100
Like think, where are the men?

346
00:14:28.100 --> 00:14:29.940
Go volunteer in your city.

347
00:14:29.940 --> 00:14:33.580
We have a thing called Hands on Nashville here

348
00:14:33.580 --> 00:14:36.100
and you can sign up and do volunteer activities

349
00:14:36.100 --> 00:14:38.780
for just about any nonprofit on the weekends.

350
00:14:38.780 --> 00:14:40.740
Do something like Habitat for Humanity.

351
00:14:40.740 --> 00:14:44.300
Again, pick a volunteer gig that's gonna bring out dudes.

352
00:14:45.020 --> 00:14:47.580
Dudes usually like to help fix houses.

353
00:14:47.580 --> 00:14:50.500
They do like to serve the homeless.

354
00:14:50.500 --> 00:14:54.820
They like to do the bags of groceries for families.

355
00:14:54.820 --> 00:14:57.260
And so, you know, men like to do the manly stuff.

356
00:14:57.260 --> 00:14:59.780
So go find a volunteer gig to do that.

357
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:02.760
then I would just say, make sure you look amazing,

358
00:15:02.760 --> 00:15:07.680
your best everywhere you go, to the gym, to church,

359
00:15:07.680 --> 00:15:10.880
to the coffee shop, to the grocery store.

360
00:15:10.880 --> 00:15:14.000
Always look what I call camera ready, game on.

361
00:15:14.000 --> 00:15:15.520
You are ready to meet your guy

362
00:15:15.520 --> 00:15:17.200
because you know what's gonna happen.

363
00:15:17.200 --> 00:15:20.220
You're gonna look like you're ready for the Walmart special

364
00:15:20.220 --> 00:15:21.560
in your homeless outfit.

365
00:15:21.560 --> 00:15:24.120
And that's the day where you're gonna see the hot dude.

366
00:15:24.120 --> 00:15:25.760
And you're not gonna wanna go talk to him

367
00:15:25.760 --> 00:15:28.880
because you'll look like the Walmart shopper.

368
00:15:28.960 --> 00:15:30.200
Like, okay, y'all know what I mean.

369
00:15:30.200 --> 00:15:32.400
I love me a good Walmart shopping spree.

370
00:15:32.400 --> 00:15:35.480
But in our little towns here,

371
00:15:35.480 --> 00:15:37.440
you've all seen like the Facebook page, right?

372
00:15:37.440 --> 00:15:40.020
They show the photos of people and how they dress.

373
00:15:40.020 --> 00:15:40.860
I'm not gonna lie,

374
00:15:40.860 --> 00:15:43.560
I have shown up in my pajamas at Walmart.

375
00:15:43.560 --> 00:15:45.400
But I have really cute pajamas.

376
00:15:45.400 --> 00:15:47.040
So you just wanna make sure you look ready.

377
00:15:47.040 --> 00:15:48.440
And I was like, somebody was making,

378
00:15:48.440 --> 00:15:50.360
my sister was making fun of me.

379
00:15:50.360 --> 00:15:51.200
Cause she's like, Renee,

380
00:15:51.200 --> 00:15:54.040
why are you putting on makeup for a 6 a.m. flight?

381
00:15:54.040 --> 00:15:55.640
Like, this is ridiculous.

382
00:15:55.640 --> 00:15:56.680
Like, you have a boyfriend now.

383
00:15:56.680 --> 00:15:58.860
And I'm like, Michelle, in the last three years,

384
00:15:59.700 --> 00:16:01.060
I've been so used to being game ready.

385
00:16:01.060 --> 00:16:04.900
I call it game ready that I can't not put my face on.

386
00:16:04.900 --> 00:16:07.380
Now, do I put a full face on at 6 a.m.?

387
00:16:07.380 --> 00:16:08.540
Heck no.

388
00:16:08.540 --> 00:16:11.160
But I at least put some tinted foundation,

389
00:16:11.160 --> 00:16:13.820
little mascara and eyeliner, and a little lipstick.

390
00:16:13.820 --> 00:16:16.260
I can get it done in under two minutes.

391
00:16:16.260 --> 00:16:18.980
Just so I don't look like death warmed over.

392
00:16:18.980 --> 00:16:21.860
You know, cause I, you guys, I'm not naturally cute.

393
00:16:21.860 --> 00:16:23.340
Like, I gotta clean up a little bit.

394
00:16:23.340 --> 00:16:26.260
I gotta do the thing and I got puffy eyes.

395
00:16:26.260 --> 00:16:27.740
So I gotta do a little shadow.

396
00:16:27.740 --> 00:16:31.260
So don't look like I got 20 pound bags under my eyes.

397
00:16:31.260 --> 00:16:34.760
And so like, but I can do my makeup in five minutes, y'all.

398
00:16:34.760 --> 00:16:36.400
Like, I don't wear a ton of makeup,

399
00:16:36.400 --> 00:16:40.340
but I wear just enough to accentuate a little bit.

400
00:16:40.340 --> 00:16:42.940
And then mama taught me how to dress nice, you guys.

401
00:16:42.940 --> 00:16:45.340
Whether, like, I'm really happy with my weight.

402
00:16:45.340 --> 00:16:46.420
I've been busting my tail.

403
00:16:46.420 --> 00:16:49.700
It's been one year since I restarted my health journey.

404
00:16:49.700 --> 00:16:52.180
Restarted it for the 30th time.

405
00:16:52.180 --> 00:16:54.060
But I'm 25 pounds down.

406
00:16:54.060 --> 00:16:56.800
I'm in great shape and I feel good.

407
00:16:56.800 --> 00:16:57.640
I know, thank you.

408
00:16:58.460 --> 00:16:59.300
I'm so excited.

409
00:16:59.300 --> 00:17:02.080
I'm actually, you guys, I am rewarding myself

410
00:17:02.080 --> 00:17:03.760
to do a photo shoot tomorrow.

411
00:17:03.760 --> 00:17:05.319
My girlfriend who did my photo shoot

412
00:17:05.319 --> 00:17:08.319
for my website three years ago, I was thin then too.

413
00:17:08.319 --> 00:17:12.339
And, but I needed more photos to go with my book

414
00:17:12.339 --> 00:17:14.599
because a lot of my photos for my website

415
00:17:14.599 --> 00:17:17.480
are very professional, you know?

416
00:17:17.480 --> 00:17:20.599
And I wanna do more of some fun, flirty ones,

417
00:17:20.599 --> 00:17:22.640
especially as I'm trying to get more speaking gigs

418
00:17:22.640 --> 00:17:23.520
for my book.

419
00:17:23.520 --> 00:17:24.520
But I also wanna do, like,

420
00:17:24.520 --> 00:17:26.359
it's gonna be my boyfriend's birthday in July.

421
00:17:26.359 --> 00:17:28.600
So, like, I wanna, I don't know,

422
00:17:28.600 --> 00:17:30.340
like, have a couple of photos

423
00:17:30.340 --> 00:17:31.960
that are professionally done that he gets.

424
00:17:31.960 --> 00:17:34.200
Like, he has some cute photos from my Facebook page,

425
00:17:34.200 --> 00:17:37.340
but let me, so, like, I wanna be able to gift him a photo.

426
00:17:37.340 --> 00:17:38.480
So I don't know what I'm gonna do with it,

427
00:17:38.480 --> 00:17:40.080
but I'm gonna celebrate it.

428
00:17:40.080 --> 00:17:42.800
And y'all, I hate having my picture taken,

429
00:17:42.800 --> 00:17:44.680
but Stacey is amazing.

430
00:17:44.680 --> 00:17:46.760
And so that's what y'all need to do.

431
00:17:46.760 --> 00:17:49.720
If you have a girlfriend who's even just a little bit handy

432
00:17:49.720 --> 00:17:53.880
with a camera, you know, if you've not done any photos

433
00:17:53.880 --> 00:17:56.700
for an online dating profile, or your Facebook page,

434
00:17:56.700 --> 00:17:59.280
or your Instagram page, girls, go do it.

435
00:17:59.280 --> 00:18:01.560
Go find, I mean, even an iPhone now,

436
00:18:01.560 --> 00:18:04.640
you can, like, edit the crap out of photos.

437
00:18:04.640 --> 00:18:08.140
But, like, go pick out fun, flirty clothes

438
00:18:08.140 --> 00:18:10.560
and just go to a park, go to the lake,

439
00:18:10.560 --> 00:18:14.160
go just get out in the light, go do something fun.

440
00:18:14.160 --> 00:18:17.520
And, like, have a girlfriend you trust with your life

441
00:18:17.520 --> 00:18:18.840
to take your photos,

442
00:18:18.840 --> 00:18:21.400
because it means you're gonna be much more natural.

443
00:18:21.400 --> 00:18:22.340
Like, my friend Stacey,

444
00:18:22.340 --> 00:18:24.780
who happens to be a very good photographer,

445
00:18:24.780 --> 00:18:26.380
she, I've known her for eight years,

446
00:18:26.380 --> 00:18:28.140
so I can do anything for her.

447
00:18:28.140 --> 00:18:31.120
I also had a photo shoot years ago

448
00:18:31.120 --> 00:18:31.960
with a guy who's, like,

449
00:18:31.960 --> 00:18:33.240
literally one of the best in the world,

450
00:18:33.240 --> 00:18:35.180
but he did not make me feel safe and comfortable.

451
00:18:35.180 --> 00:18:36.580
And y'all, those photos sucked.

452
00:18:36.580 --> 00:18:38.100
Like, I couldn't get a good photo out of it.

453
00:18:38.100 --> 00:18:41.540
Like, and so I would rather you pick a girlfriend

454
00:18:41.540 --> 00:18:44.340
that you love and adore, who is pretty good with a camera,

455
00:18:44.340 --> 00:18:46.100
than go book a photo shoot with somebody

456
00:18:46.100 --> 00:18:47.540
that you're gonna freak out over,

457
00:18:47.540 --> 00:18:50.720
and you're like, ah, I don't know, you can't do it.

458
00:18:50.720 --> 00:18:52.400
So that's my other sidebar,

459
00:18:52.400 --> 00:18:56.560
is, you know, make sure you have fun photos of yourself.

460
00:18:56.560 --> 00:19:00.040
You guys, make sure your Facebook, Instagram, cover photo,

461
00:19:00.040 --> 00:19:01.800
make sure the photos you have online

462
00:19:01.800 --> 00:19:04.000
are all fun photos of you.

463
00:19:04.000 --> 00:19:05.600
They need to be within this year.

464
00:19:05.600 --> 00:19:07.760
And y'all, I don't care what your weight is.

465
00:19:07.760 --> 00:19:10.360
Now, a year ago, when I was heavier,

466
00:19:10.360 --> 00:19:11.640
I still learned how to look good.

467
00:19:11.640 --> 00:19:14.360
Like, mom taught me how to work with what I got.

468
00:19:14.360 --> 00:19:16.760
So it's like, all right, so when I'm heavier,

469
00:19:16.760 --> 00:19:19.240
I got big, big butt, big thighs,

470
00:19:19.240 --> 00:19:22.320
so I wear a lot of things that cinch in my waist,

471
00:19:22.320 --> 00:19:23.800
and, you know, made it look good.

472
00:19:23.800 --> 00:19:25.800
You don't wanna be in big, baggy clothes.

473
00:19:25.800 --> 00:19:28.560
And so you always wanna go to a dress and groom,

474
00:19:28.560 --> 00:19:30.120
have a friend who loves you,

475
00:19:30.120 --> 00:19:32.640
who's gonna speak the truth and love with you,

476
00:19:32.640 --> 00:19:34.400
and tell you what looks good on you.

477
00:19:34.400 --> 00:19:36.960
You don't wanna, like, wear outfits that just hide you

478
00:19:36.960 --> 00:19:38.920
because you're unhappy with your weight,

479
00:19:38.920 --> 00:19:40.680
and you wanna hide in the corner.

480
00:19:41.640 --> 00:19:44.520
I have seen, I don't know if I'm gonna be able

481
00:19:44.520 --> 00:19:45.800
to say this politically correct.

482
00:19:45.800 --> 00:19:47.720
So can I say this not politically correct

483
00:19:47.720 --> 00:19:49.160
so you guys get it?

484
00:19:49.840 --> 00:19:52.760
I've seen some of the, what the world would describe

485
00:19:52.760 --> 00:19:56.280
as the heaviest, oldest, and ugliest women,

486
00:19:56.280 --> 00:20:00.200
the world, in our community, get married the fastest.

487
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:08.160
Because they have an inner glow and a confidence that comes from the inside out.

488
00:20:08.160 --> 00:20:14.760
So I'm here to tell you, I've seen skinny, thin, what the world would say, gorgeous girls

489
00:20:14.760 --> 00:20:18.640
stay single longer because of what's broken inside.

490
00:20:18.640 --> 00:20:24.100
And I've seen women who are healed on the inside and it just shoots out from them.

491
00:20:24.100 --> 00:20:30.800
And so I don't want you to think because what you think are not pretty looks and weight,

492
00:20:30.800 --> 00:20:38.540
I want you to realize that you can exude confidence no matter what you look like and you want

493
00:20:38.540 --> 00:20:40.480
to put your best foot forward.

494
00:20:40.480 --> 00:20:44.900
So we don't want any of you staying in hiding because you're like, well, I'll start dating

495
00:20:44.900 --> 00:20:46.180
when I lose 10 pounds.

496
00:20:46.180 --> 00:20:53.020
I'll start dating when my, y'all like, I want to say that one of the first guys I dated

497
00:20:53.020 --> 00:20:55.580
in this community, I had a cold sore.

498
00:20:55.580 --> 00:20:56.580
Yeah.

499
00:20:56.580 --> 00:21:00.100
My first photo with him, I had a cold sore, which, you know, I think we talked about this

500
00:21:00.100 --> 00:21:01.420
a couple of weeks ago, right?

501
00:21:01.420 --> 00:21:04.340
We talked about STDs, didn't we talk about STDs a couple of weeks ago?

502
00:21:04.340 --> 00:21:06.260
You know, a cold sore is just herpes.

503
00:21:06.260 --> 00:21:07.340
It's just oral herpes.

504
00:21:07.340 --> 00:21:08.340
It's awful.

505
00:21:08.340 --> 00:21:09.340
It's disgusting.

506
00:21:09.340 --> 00:21:11.180
But it affects 80% of the people.

507
00:21:11.180 --> 00:21:16.140
Now I could have chosen to not gone out on that first date because I had a cold sore,

508
00:21:16.140 --> 00:21:19.420
but I was just like, you know, I'm just going to own it.

509
00:21:19.420 --> 00:21:24.700
Actually we're not making out because he doesn't want the cold sore, but I just made

510
00:21:24.700 --> 00:21:25.700
the best of it.

511
00:21:25.700 --> 00:21:29.780
So whatever reason that you think it is that you might be sitting in the waiting room,

512
00:21:29.780 --> 00:21:36.300
I want you to like lay it down, which is actually some of the, okay.

513
00:21:36.300 --> 00:21:41.740
So Bethany wanted, I think I'm getting sideways to what Bethany wanted me to talk about is

514
00:21:41.740 --> 00:21:43.700
overcoming body image struggles.

515
00:21:43.700 --> 00:21:45.980
So I've already just told you about that.

516
00:21:45.980 --> 00:21:49.460
I want you to be bold and beautiful and amazing.

517
00:21:49.460 --> 00:21:52.820
You guys, they make great clothes in plus sizes.

518
00:21:52.820 --> 00:21:54.420
Find your color.

519
00:21:54.420 --> 00:21:56.740
Just put different color fabrics in front of you.

520
00:21:56.740 --> 00:22:01.060
See what looks good, takes photos of it, ask your friends.

521
00:22:01.060 --> 00:22:04.460
You guys, you can even go to thrift stores now if you're like, Renee, I can't afford

522
00:22:04.460 --> 00:22:05.460
nice clothes.

523
00:22:05.460 --> 00:22:06.460
Fine.

524
00:22:06.460 --> 00:22:11.040
There are some really nice thrift stores that you can go and get things dirt cheap.

525
00:22:11.040 --> 00:22:15.580
As I was losing weight, I did not want to buy clothes at a weight I knew I wasn't going

526
00:22:15.580 --> 00:22:17.380
to sit in for very long.

527
00:22:17.380 --> 00:22:20.580
And so go find a hoity-toity town near you.

528
00:22:20.580 --> 00:22:27.140
And I'm telling you what, like Goodwill in like yunky parts of Nashville is nothing like

529
00:22:27.140 --> 00:22:31.420
the Goodwill down the street because I live in a very hoity-toity area.

530
00:22:31.420 --> 00:22:32.420
I am not hoity-toity.

531
00:22:32.420 --> 00:22:34.620
My condo is the size of a pea.

532
00:22:34.620 --> 00:22:37.260
I just am among very hoity-toity people.

533
00:22:37.260 --> 00:22:43.460
So if I go to like the thrift store in this town, I can get some nice, nice stuff with

534
00:22:43.460 --> 00:22:49.660
the label still on them because these people just buy crap they never wear.

535
00:22:49.660 --> 00:22:51.260
And so don't be afraid.

536
00:22:51.260 --> 00:22:56.700
Like just, you know, take your humble pill and just go do it because it'll be amazing.

537
00:22:56.700 --> 00:22:59.460
So that's what I wanted to say about body image and weight.

538
00:22:59.460 --> 00:23:03.220
And then any other resistance, especially for those of you coming right out of phase

539
00:23:03.220 --> 00:23:09.420
one into phase two, or if you've watched The Dating 101 and The Challenge and you're like,

540
00:23:09.420 --> 00:23:11.780
no, I'm not going to do it.

541
00:23:11.780 --> 00:23:15.100
It's like sharks with an app.

542
00:23:15.100 --> 00:23:19.100
Like y'all, if when you watch online dating, you know, I hated online dating.

543
00:23:19.100 --> 00:23:21.500
No one, no one, no one hated it more than me.

544
00:23:21.500 --> 00:23:22.500
No one.

545
00:23:22.500 --> 00:23:23.500
No one on the planet.

546
00:23:23.500 --> 00:23:25.300
I've been, I'm a dinosaur.

547
00:23:25.300 --> 00:23:29.860
I was on when all that existed was Match and eHarmony.

548
00:23:29.860 --> 00:23:34.900
Back when eHarmony made you go through 5,000 steps before you even saw the picture of the

549
00:23:34.900 --> 00:23:37.300
person that you were getting matched with.

550
00:23:37.300 --> 00:23:40.420
So I promise you, no one hated it more than me.

551
00:23:40.660 --> 00:23:46.020
But Jackie issued this challenge and I'm only around married men and gay men.

552
00:23:46.020 --> 00:23:49.860
And so I'm like, well, crap, I'm never going to be able to get this dating challenge going.

553
00:23:49.860 --> 00:23:55.260
And so I forced myself online and I followed everything I did in those tips that I gave

554
00:23:55.260 --> 00:23:57.100
you in the video.

555
00:23:57.100 --> 00:24:00.140
And like, I just became like a dating fiend.

556
00:24:00.140 --> 00:24:10.220
And I am so glad I slogged it out online because I learned so much about dating more healthy.

557
00:24:11.020 --> 00:24:12.500
And the funny thing is, you guys, I did all the other things.

558
00:24:12.500 --> 00:24:15.380
I did the meetups, the volunteering, the church gigs.

559
00:24:15.380 --> 00:24:18.700
I told all my friends, set me up, blah, blah, blah, blah.

560
00:24:18.700 --> 00:24:24.620
Irony, the guy that I'm dating, I met him on Facebook dating, which is hilarious because

561
00:24:24.620 --> 00:24:27.860
I thought I actually had closed it out and he's never on Facebook.

562
00:24:27.860 --> 00:24:32.140
He's not even on social media, but he was bored during the Super Bowl and like filled

563
00:24:32.140 --> 00:24:33.140
it out.

564
00:24:33.140 --> 00:24:36.980
And we crossed over for 12 hours that mine was still active and he was on, but we both

565
00:24:36.980 --> 00:24:40.180
got off within 12 hours of this moment.

566
00:24:40.180 --> 00:24:45.140
And lo and behold, we found out we've been at a church service together, a rotary club

567
00:24:45.140 --> 00:24:46.140
meeting together.

568
00:24:46.140 --> 00:24:51.060
Like, we have almost bumped into each other like five times in the last five years.

569
00:24:51.060 --> 00:24:53.320
We just kept zigging and zagging.

570
00:24:53.320 --> 00:24:58.020
And so maybe God was trying to have us meet in real life, but we just kept blowing it.

571
00:24:58.020 --> 00:25:00.020
And so he's like, all right, I'm going to let you two bozos.

572
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.320
is made online even if it's for five minutes

573
00:25:02.320 --> 00:25:04.080
and it kind of happened.

574
00:25:04.080 --> 00:25:06.480
And so there's no perfect site.

575
00:25:06.480 --> 00:25:08.140
There's no perfect place.

576
00:25:08.140 --> 00:25:10.800
It's just about you being available.

577
00:25:10.800 --> 00:25:13.160
And if you're feeling resistance,

578
00:25:13.160 --> 00:25:16.220
lean into what the resistance is.

579
00:25:16.220 --> 00:25:19.380
It is okay to pull back

580
00:25:19.380 --> 00:25:21.600
if there's like something going on in your home.

581
00:25:21.600 --> 00:25:22.680
Like I've talked about this.

582
00:25:22.680 --> 00:25:25.680
My dad died very suddenly 16 months ago.

583
00:25:25.680 --> 00:25:27.420
I pulled way back on the dating.

584
00:25:27.420 --> 00:25:29.200
I did it a little bit.

585
00:25:29.200 --> 00:25:32.480
I will admit that it's not a season I stretched myself.

586
00:25:32.480 --> 00:25:33.860
I stayed local.

587
00:25:33.860 --> 00:25:35.980
I didn't want to deal with long distance.

588
00:25:35.980 --> 00:25:38.540
I stayed within what I thought was my type.

589
00:25:38.540 --> 00:25:40.780
Like it wasn't a season where I was gonna like

590
00:25:40.780 --> 00:25:42.820
really stretch,

591
00:25:42.820 --> 00:25:46.300
but I wanted to stay a little bit active in it.

592
00:25:46.300 --> 00:25:47.860
But I would look at it in the morning

593
00:25:47.860 --> 00:25:49.260
and then I wouldn't look at it again

594
00:25:49.260 --> 00:25:50.200
for the rest of the day.

595
00:25:50.200 --> 00:25:52.220
And I would just go on with my day.

596
00:25:52.220 --> 00:25:54.900
So those are natural seasons where God,

597
00:25:54.900 --> 00:25:57.500
the Holy Spirit might be pulling you back.

598
00:25:57.500 --> 00:26:01.180
If work in the dating and work in the apps feels like a job,

599
00:26:01.180 --> 00:26:03.360
it's time to take a step back.

600
00:26:03.360 --> 00:26:05.260
Go do something else that you love.

601
00:26:05.260 --> 00:26:07.480
Go take a cooking class, an art class,

602
00:26:07.480 --> 00:26:09.560
go dancing, go salsa dancing.

603
00:26:09.560 --> 00:26:11.840
Go find something to do that you love to do

604
00:26:11.840 --> 00:26:14.600
and take a pause and come back in.

605
00:26:14.600 --> 00:26:17.240
But if you start seeing, I will tell you this y'all,

606
00:26:17.240 --> 00:26:20.860
men can sniff out, well, women can too, right?

607
00:26:20.860 --> 00:26:25.460
We can sniff out a bad attitude and negative attitude,

608
00:26:25.480 --> 00:26:29.200
a whiny attitude and a desperate attitude.

609
00:26:29.200 --> 00:26:31.480
None of us wanna get matched with a man

610
00:26:31.480 --> 00:26:33.740
who's whiny, desperate or negative, right?

611
00:26:33.740 --> 00:26:34.640
We don't.

612
00:26:34.640 --> 00:26:35.720
So guess what?

613
00:26:35.720 --> 00:26:37.080
He ain't gonna wanna date us

614
00:26:37.080 --> 00:26:39.680
if we're being whiny, negative and depressed.

615
00:26:39.680 --> 00:26:41.160
And so you'll notice it.

616
00:26:41.160 --> 00:26:45.040
If a woman in our group starts posting over and over again,

617
00:26:45.040 --> 00:26:46.880
I'm never gonna meet anybody.

618
00:26:46.880 --> 00:26:48.200
I'm trying everything.

619
00:26:48.200 --> 00:26:49.400
It's not working.

620
00:26:49.400 --> 00:26:50.600
Well, guess what?

621
00:26:50.600 --> 00:26:52.800
This thing you got going on ain't gonna help.

622
00:26:52.800 --> 00:26:55.700
So press pause on the dating,

623
00:26:55.700 --> 00:26:59.780
go get your mojo back, feel good about yourself,

624
00:26:59.780 --> 00:27:03.540
go to prayer every morning and then get back in the game.

625
00:27:03.540 --> 00:27:06.460
Like you're not gonna blow it any time off

626
00:27:06.460 --> 00:27:08.620
that the Holy Spirit needs you to take off,

627
00:27:08.620 --> 00:27:11.340
you take that off, but then jump back in,

628
00:27:11.340 --> 00:27:13.100
have a positive attitude.

629
00:27:13.100 --> 00:27:15.020
Okay, get your questions ready,

630
00:27:15.020 --> 00:27:16.380
cause I'm wrapping up.

631
00:27:16.380 --> 00:27:18.380
So this is the open forum time.

632
00:27:18.380 --> 00:27:21.540
You get to ask me anything that you want.

633
00:27:21.540 --> 00:27:23.080
Okay, all right.

634
00:27:23.080 --> 00:27:24.420
So this is the one last topic.

635
00:27:24.420 --> 00:27:25.640
So be thinking about your questions.

636
00:27:25.640 --> 00:27:27.160
This is the one last topic.

637
00:27:27.160 --> 00:27:29.680
There's an Instagram post that Jackie did a while ago.

638
00:27:29.680 --> 00:27:30.920
It says, hey girl,

639
00:27:30.920 --> 00:27:34.140
I know you've been trying so hard to find love,

640
00:27:34.140 --> 00:27:37.280
but now it's time to try soft.

641
00:27:37.280 --> 00:27:40.080
What does soft look like and what does it mean?

642
00:27:40.080 --> 00:27:41.280
And let's talk about that.

643
00:27:41.280 --> 00:27:43.980
So you guys, it's really kind of interesting.

644
00:27:45.160 --> 00:27:47.680
A lot of women have daddy wounds.

645
00:27:47.680 --> 00:27:48.840
I've got daddy wounds.

646
00:27:48.860 --> 00:27:51.620
And so we are immediately triggered

647
00:27:51.620 --> 00:27:54.940
with anything that will shove up against that daddy wound.

648
00:27:54.940 --> 00:27:58.540
Here's the thing that's happening with a lot of men.

649
00:27:58.540 --> 00:28:03.540
A lot of men have mom wounds or ex-wife wounds

650
00:28:05.220 --> 00:28:06.780
where they were emasculated,

651
00:28:06.780 --> 00:28:11.180
where she was full on boss babe, bitchy girl,

652
00:28:11.180 --> 00:28:15.280
and she emasculated the crap out of him, right?

653
00:28:15.280 --> 00:28:19.620
And so these strong men somehow got beat down.

654
00:28:19.620 --> 00:28:23.100
So I'm not saying that men haven't crapped on women.

655
00:28:23.100 --> 00:28:25.780
We know that they have, we know we've got daddy wounds,

656
00:28:25.780 --> 00:28:29.340
but I'm saying there's a lot of really great men out there

657
00:28:29.340 --> 00:28:31.580
that had been really beat up by strong women,

658
00:28:31.580 --> 00:28:32.940
like the women's lib.

659
00:28:32.940 --> 00:28:34.300
Like I kind of came in that movement

660
00:28:34.300 --> 00:28:36.980
and we came on hard, powerful, and strong.

661
00:28:36.980 --> 00:28:39.140
And we kind of bulldozed some men.

662
00:28:39.140 --> 00:28:41.380
You guys, I see it all the time.

663
00:28:41.440 --> 00:28:43.600
I am friends with married couples

664
00:28:43.600 --> 00:28:46.940
where I've seen women love on their husband,

665
00:28:46.940 --> 00:28:50.360
but then also shit on their husband in front of me, right?

666
00:28:50.360 --> 00:28:51.480
Have we all seen that?

667
00:28:51.480 --> 00:28:55.160
Anybody seen a wife crap on their husband

668
00:28:55.160 --> 00:28:57.240
and speak disparagingly of them?

669
00:28:57.240 --> 00:28:59.080
And they're just like, oh, well, we just do that.

670
00:28:59.080 --> 00:29:00.320
That's just the way we talk.

671
00:29:00.320 --> 00:29:02.760
No, no, no.

672
00:29:02.760 --> 00:29:06.520
It is never acceptable to crap on your spouse,

673
00:29:06.520 --> 00:29:08.240
especially in front of people.

674
00:29:08.240 --> 00:29:09.800
Because you guys, here's what I start to think,

675
00:29:09.800 --> 00:29:11.040
and I don't know about you,

676
00:29:11.700 --> 00:29:14.380
but when I see a wife or a husband speak badly

677
00:29:14.380 --> 00:29:16.060
about their spouse in front of me,

678
00:29:16.060 --> 00:29:18.020
I'm like, if that's what you're willing to say

679
00:29:18.020 --> 00:29:20.780
in front of me, what do you say about that person

680
00:29:20.780 --> 00:29:23.180
when no one else is around and watching?

681
00:29:23.180 --> 00:29:24.860
Like, that is not kind.

682
00:29:24.860 --> 00:29:25.960
It is never kind.

683
00:29:25.960 --> 00:29:28.440
You guys, I see it in church couples.

684
00:29:28.440 --> 00:29:30.960
Like, I just think people think, oh, well, we're married now.

685
00:29:30.960 --> 00:29:32.780
That's just the way we talk to each other.

686
00:29:32.780 --> 00:29:34.500
No, it's just no.

687
00:29:34.500 --> 00:29:35.740
It's not acceptable.

688
00:29:35.740 --> 00:29:40.380
So both men and women, you all have come out of this arena

689
00:29:40.440 --> 00:29:42.200
and you all have been beat up.

690
00:29:42.200 --> 00:29:45.320
And so we really need to make sure that we show up

691
00:29:45.320 --> 00:29:49.440
in our divine, feminine, soft energy.

692
00:29:49.440 --> 00:29:52.280
I use that joke, it's on my water bottle here.

693
00:29:52.280 --> 00:29:55.600
It's a sticker that I got from my Murray Method training.

694
00:29:55.600 --> 00:29:58.640
It's called SLS, slower, lower, softer.

695
00:29:58.640 --> 00:29:59.800
So that's not a Jackie thing.

696
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.600
Mr. Renee thing, that helps remind me

697
00:30:02.600 --> 00:30:04.840
how I can show up softer.

698
00:30:04.840 --> 00:30:06.580
I try to slow down.

699
00:30:07.480 --> 00:30:08.920
I try to lower my voice.

700
00:30:08.920 --> 00:30:10.920
I'm a cheerleader, I'm Italian, I'm from New York.

701
00:30:10.920 --> 00:30:13.920
I get really hot and loud and big really fast.

702
00:30:13.920 --> 00:30:16.200
And I try to come in softer.

703
00:30:16.200 --> 00:30:18.760
Softer and meek is not weak.

704
00:30:18.760 --> 00:30:21.480
It is just more gentle.

705
00:30:21.480 --> 00:30:23.280
It's more gentle.

706
00:30:23.280 --> 00:30:25.400
It's more kind.

707
00:30:25.400 --> 00:30:27.120
It's less defensive.

708
00:30:28.120 --> 00:30:31.120
And do you guys realize coming in lower, slower, softer

709
00:30:31.120 --> 00:30:32.960
doesn't mean I have to come in smaller.

710
00:30:32.960 --> 00:30:33.920
I keep saying that.

711
00:30:33.920 --> 00:30:35.880
I don't have to come in smaller.

712
00:30:35.880 --> 00:30:38.320
I just have to come in softer.

713
00:30:38.320 --> 00:30:41.840
And so that's the last thing I am teaching you guys on.

714
00:30:41.840 --> 00:30:44.080
And now the floor is open.

715
00:30:44.080 --> 00:30:47.440
Who is my brave going first person?

716
00:30:49.800 --> 00:30:51.000
All right, Melissa, I love it.

717
00:30:51.000 --> 00:30:52.400
You are up girl.

718
00:30:52.400 --> 00:30:53.900
Okay, thank you.

719
00:30:54.740 --> 00:30:57.100
Well, Renee and everyone,

720
00:31:00.220 --> 00:31:01.740
I am about to meet this guy

721
00:31:01.740 --> 00:31:04.820
that I've been communicating with for the last,

722
00:31:04.820 --> 00:31:06.860
I guess, four weeks-ish.

723
00:31:06.860 --> 00:31:08.860
It will be almost five weeks by the time

724
00:31:08.860 --> 00:31:10.300
we actually meet face-to-face.

725
00:31:10.300 --> 00:31:13.700
We've been FaceTiming quite a bit and whatnot.

726
00:31:15.260 --> 00:31:17.620
I've drawn lines on the texting

727
00:31:17.620 --> 00:31:21.140
and I'm glad thanks to your direction, Renee,

728
00:31:21.140 --> 00:31:22.520
about keeping that to a minimum.

729
00:31:22.520 --> 00:31:25.520
So I've been thankful for that.

730
00:31:25.520 --> 00:31:30.080
But I sometimes, like Anna, I really, for some reason,

731
00:31:30.080 --> 00:31:32.320
whenever Renee, you were saying like,

732
00:31:33.240 --> 00:31:35.840
do not accept ishmaels and don't settle.

733
00:31:35.840 --> 00:31:39.080
I don't know why that part stood out to me.

734
00:31:39.080 --> 00:31:41.920
And it may not be, I just don't know.

735
00:31:41.920 --> 00:31:44.480
I feel like I'm still in the dark on this

736
00:31:44.480 --> 00:31:47.560
because I've never actually met him in person.

737
00:31:47.560 --> 00:31:51.720
And so we're gonna meet on Saturday for the first time

738
00:31:51.720 --> 00:31:53.960
and we'll have like four hours in person.

739
00:31:53.960 --> 00:31:57.120
He's coming to where my family lives

740
00:31:57.120 --> 00:31:58.880
because I'm gonna be around for a wedding.

741
00:31:58.880 --> 00:32:02.040
And so it'll just be more convenient for him.

742
00:32:02.040 --> 00:32:03.400
And I'm already gonna be out that way.

743
00:32:03.400 --> 00:32:05.960
So I just offered and suggested it.

744
00:32:05.960 --> 00:32:10.160
So anyway, so here's my concern, like just-

745
00:32:10.160 --> 00:32:12.660
So tell me first what you guys got planned.

746
00:32:13.680 --> 00:32:16.200
Well, there's like this ice cream shop

747
00:32:16.200 --> 00:32:17.600
and it's like very cute.

748
00:32:17.600 --> 00:32:20.320
It has good lighting, it's casual.

749
00:32:20.360 --> 00:32:22.720
And so with both of our schedules,

750
00:32:22.720 --> 00:32:23.760
we're just gonna meet there.

751
00:32:23.760 --> 00:32:25.400
And then like, there's a park nearby,

752
00:32:25.400 --> 00:32:30.320
like maybe walk at the park and then maybe grab dinner.

753
00:32:30.320 --> 00:32:32.920
So we'll just kind of play it by ear.

754
00:32:32.920 --> 00:32:35.840
Bring like a Frisbee.

755
00:32:35.840 --> 00:32:38.040
Okay. Like deck of cards.

756
00:32:38.040 --> 00:32:38.860
Okay.

757
00:32:38.860 --> 00:32:42.000
Because like, even if it's like a set of Uno cards,

758
00:32:42.000 --> 00:32:43.840
like everybody knows how to play Uno.

759
00:32:45.640 --> 00:32:49.680
And like a Frisbee, something that you guys can do

760
00:32:50.440 --> 00:32:54.100
that's fun to do to give you a break from having to talk.

761
00:32:54.100 --> 00:32:55.520
Okay.

762
00:32:55.520 --> 00:32:57.280
Anyway, I didn't mean to jump in,

763
00:32:57.280 --> 00:32:59.280
but four hours, like, you know what I'm saying?

764
00:32:59.280 --> 00:33:00.120
It can turn it,

765
00:33:00.120 --> 00:33:02.640
you don't want it to turn into an interrogation.

766
00:33:02.640 --> 00:33:07.080
And also you might be able to get these

767
00:33:07.080 --> 00:33:09.120
from Amazon in time.

768
00:33:10.080 --> 00:33:11.040
They have something like this.

769
00:33:11.040 --> 00:33:12.920
I got this at a tag sale.

770
00:33:12.920 --> 00:33:16.400
It's called Conversation Table Topics.

771
00:33:16.400 --> 00:33:18.940
I think Amazon has something like them.

772
00:33:18.940 --> 00:33:22.860
And they're just like kind of like silly questions.

773
00:33:23.900 --> 00:33:26.740
Would you rather see the Rose Bowl, Macy's Parade,

774
00:33:26.740 --> 00:33:29.100
Thanksgiving Parade, or Mardi Gras?

775
00:33:29.100 --> 00:33:32.140
If you had to lose one of your senses,

776
00:33:32.140 --> 00:33:33.660
which one would you pick?

777
00:33:34.900 --> 00:33:38.180
What would you like to learn to do on your computer?

778
00:33:38.180 --> 00:33:40.620
What person in your family do you most resemble?

779
00:33:40.620 --> 00:33:41.460
You know what I'm saying?

780
00:33:41.460 --> 00:33:44.020
Like, they're just like fun kind of random questions.

781
00:33:44.020 --> 00:33:46.240
And when I've brought these on dates,

782
00:33:46.240 --> 00:33:49.560
I've learned the most unique things about people

783
00:33:49.560 --> 00:33:53.560
because I know you're not sure if this guy's your guy.

784
00:33:53.560 --> 00:33:56.960
And these kinds of fun questions and playing Frisbee

785
00:33:56.960 --> 00:33:58.480
and doing a deck of cards,

786
00:33:58.480 --> 00:34:02.720
it's gonna help you get a variety of data points.

787
00:34:04.040 --> 00:34:05.840
I really appreciate that so much.

788
00:34:05.840 --> 00:34:06.680
Thank you.

789
00:34:06.680 --> 00:34:09.360
And I like the way that you just described that.

790
00:34:09.360 --> 00:34:12.320
It's getting a variety of dating points

791
00:34:12.320 --> 00:34:14.840
or data points, I should say,

792
00:34:14.840 --> 00:34:18.400
but also dating points if you think of it in another way.

793
00:34:18.400 --> 00:34:19.800
But I didn't let you ask your question,

794
00:34:19.800 --> 00:34:21.560
so now ask your question.

795
00:34:21.560 --> 00:34:23.480
Fine, but thank you very much.

796
00:34:23.480 --> 00:34:24.639
That's very helpful.

797
00:34:26.639 --> 00:34:29.080
So here's my concern.

798
00:34:29.080 --> 00:34:31.679
Actually for me, four hours is no problem.

799
00:34:31.679 --> 00:34:34.120
Like I am very much a communicator.

800
00:34:34.120 --> 00:34:36.239
So, and this guy, like we can talk.

801
00:34:36.239 --> 00:34:39.400
Like one day we talked for like five and a half hours

802
00:34:39.400 --> 00:34:40.960
and I could only do that one day,

803
00:34:40.960 --> 00:34:42.880
but then I was completely exhausted after that.

804
00:34:42.880 --> 00:34:44.800
So I was like, I can't keep this pace up.

805
00:34:45.639 --> 00:34:46.920
It was a holiday, but anyway.

806
00:34:46.920 --> 00:34:48.520
So here's my concern.

807
00:34:49.600 --> 00:34:53.520
One of them, like there's just these moments

808
00:34:53.520 --> 00:34:55.400
when he'll kind of make some comments

809
00:34:55.400 --> 00:34:59.200
like about like money type stuff.

810
00:34:59.200 --> 00:35:00.040
And he's not.

811
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.740
in a good place. And I am in a good place financially. And

812
00:35:04.760 --> 00:35:08.640
like, for example, he's living with his brother, and his

813
00:35:08.640 --> 00:35:10.960
brother is married, and they have four kids. And so he's

814
00:35:10.960 --> 00:35:15.840
renting a room from them. And like, we're definitely not on

815
00:35:15.840 --> 00:35:22.080
the same level financially. And so and so I just, you know, but

816
00:35:22.080 --> 00:35:25.080
again, I'm trying to be open because we have a connection,

817
00:35:25.100 --> 00:35:28.680
which doesn't always happen. And so but sometimes, like he'll

818
00:35:28.680 --> 00:35:32.560
make certain comments, such as, you know, like, asking me about

819
00:35:32.560 --> 00:35:36.040
like, my living situation. And then he seemed like a little too

820
00:35:36.040 --> 00:35:39.080
excited that I was in a good place with my living situation.

821
00:35:39.560 --> 00:35:43.200
And, and that was like, through a, like a FaceTime. And again,

822
00:35:43.200 --> 00:35:46.040
it may have just it may have not been anything like that. But

823
00:35:46.040 --> 00:35:49.160
it's kind of like, then it's like, he asked about like, what

824
00:35:49.160 --> 00:35:53.480
model phone I have. And he could tell by the way that like,

825
00:35:53.480 --> 00:35:56.280
because he asked me for like, a screenshot I had taken. And so

826
00:35:56.280 --> 00:35:58.640
I sent it to him. And he's like, Oh, it looks like you have

827
00:35:58.640 --> 00:36:01.720
such and such model. Now, he's really into technology. But I

828
00:36:01.720 --> 00:36:06.320
was also kind of like, like, and I, it just so happens that I

829
00:36:06.320 --> 00:36:10.240
have this model, but I wait for many years before I get this

830
00:36:10.240 --> 00:36:15.440
was like a on a need based basis that I got this. But you know,

831
00:36:15.520 --> 00:36:18.120
since I keep things so long, I get something nice. And then I

832
00:36:18.120 --> 00:36:21.160
keep it for a ridiculous amount of time until it pretty much

833
00:36:21.160 --> 00:36:26.600
dies. And so then the other thing is like on his profile.

834
00:36:26.600 --> 00:36:28.600
And again, you know how like you're looking through the apps

835
00:36:28.600 --> 00:36:31.040
and you're kind of, you know, flipping through when it's like

836
00:36:31.040 --> 00:36:33.720
there's so much information until you're like, Oh, wait,

837
00:36:33.760 --> 00:36:36.160
whoa, like, I don't know how I feel about that. And you kind of

838
00:36:36.160 --> 00:36:39.320
look back at it. One of the things that he said on his

839
00:36:39.320 --> 00:36:44.840
dating profile is that he's looking for someone to support

840
00:36:44.840 --> 00:36:49.160
him in his journey to he's like, my journey to get rich. And

841
00:36:49.160 --> 00:36:53.560
again, he's not English is not his first language. And so I you

842
00:36:53.560 --> 00:36:56.040
know, so I filter it through that, you know, kind of little

843
00:36:56.040 --> 00:36:58.320
sounds a little rough, and that's fine. Like, you know, I

844
00:36:58.320 --> 00:37:01.000
mean, I speak more than one.

845
00:37:01.520 --> 00:37:04.320
Alright, so here's, here's my caution for you. And here's how

846
00:37:04.320 --> 00:37:05.920
you can ask him a bit about it.

847
00:37:06.440 --> 00:37:09.520
Can I say one more? Yeah, yeah. Okay, go ahead.

848
00:37:09.840 --> 00:37:14.960
This might help. Um, I'm also older than him by, like nine

849
00:37:14.960 --> 00:37:18.880
years. And so there's that. And so I just don't know if he's

850
00:37:18.880 --> 00:37:21.840
looking for a come up or a purse. I'm not sure. That's

851
00:37:21.840 --> 00:37:23.640
that's my only concern. So I just love to hear.

852
00:37:24.240 --> 00:37:26.440
Yeah. How old is he? And how old are you?

853
00:37:26.840 --> 00:37:31.240
I am 46. And he is 37.

854
00:37:31.640 --> 00:37:36.200
He's 37. And remind me where you guys both live again.

855
00:37:36.520 --> 00:37:40.760
Well, I'm in PA normally, but I also spend time in Texas where

856
00:37:40.760 --> 00:37:42.840
I'm from. So I'll be meeting him in Texas.

857
00:37:43.200 --> 00:37:45.240
Is that where he lives right now, Texas?

858
00:37:45.360 --> 00:37:47.360
Uh huh. And that's where all my family lives.

859
00:37:47.400 --> 00:37:50.440
Is he originally from another country?

860
00:37:51.000 --> 00:37:53.880
Yeah, but he's been here like he moved here when he was like

861
00:37:53.880 --> 00:37:56.360
seven or eight. So he's spent most of his life here.

862
00:37:56.920 --> 00:37:59.560
So I think it's appropriate. You guys have been talking for

863
00:37:59.560 --> 00:38:03.880
five weeks now. Right? So I think it's appropriate for you

864
00:38:03.880 --> 00:38:06.640
to just say and I wouldn't do it at the front part of the date,

865
00:38:06.640 --> 00:38:09.800
but somewhere in the middle part of the day, you know, be like,

866
00:38:09.800 --> 00:38:16.240
hey, so you're 37. So 37 still old enough, like, hey, so you're

867
00:38:16.240 --> 00:38:18.640
37 living with your your brother.

868
00:38:19.720 --> 00:38:21.920
I don't really need to know how you got there.

869
00:38:22.360 --> 00:38:26.200
I'm just curious, what are some of your financial and career

870
00:38:26.200 --> 00:38:28.040
goals for the next two to three years?

871
00:38:29.040 --> 00:38:30.960
Is this a short term thing?

872
00:38:30.960 --> 00:38:35.920
Are you like, what are you needing to get out on your own?

873
00:38:36.120 --> 00:38:38.880
Like, tell me what your financial goals look like.

874
00:38:38.880 --> 00:38:40.360
And, you know.

875
00:38:41.880 --> 00:38:44.320
Yeah, I mean, just say just I'm just curious.

876
00:38:44.320 --> 00:38:48.000
I'm curious. Tell me a little bit more about your financial

877
00:38:48.000 --> 00:38:49.680
and career goals.

878
00:38:49.680 --> 00:38:52.800
You're, you know, 37, you know, a little bit older

879
00:38:52.800 --> 00:38:55.120
to be living with a family. I know it happens.

880
00:38:55.480 --> 00:38:59.200
But tell me a little bit about what your goal is while you're there

881
00:38:59.760 --> 00:39:01.520
and what your goal is to get out.

882
00:39:01.520 --> 00:39:04.840
Like, how soon do you see yourself finding your own place?

883
00:39:06.400 --> 00:39:09.600
You know, where does money show up for you if you were married,

884
00:39:09.600 --> 00:39:13.560
raising a family? Do you is your goal to be the primary breadwinner?

885
00:39:14.960 --> 00:39:20.080
Would you prefer your your spouse staying home, raising the kids?

886
00:39:20.400 --> 00:39:22.760
Would you prefer? Do you want kids, Melissa?

887
00:39:23.240 --> 00:39:24.800
I would like them, God willing.

888
00:39:24.800 --> 00:39:26.560
But I don't know if I can have kids.

889
00:39:26.560 --> 00:39:28.520
I'm very healthy and I'm grateful for that.

890
00:39:28.520 --> 00:39:30.480
It's a possibility. I don't know.

891
00:39:31.200 --> 00:39:34.960
I think because you guys are long distance and you guys hear this,

892
00:39:35.960 --> 00:39:38.200
they've had a lot of conversation.

893
00:39:38.200 --> 00:39:41.000
So they've got a lot of content under their belt.

894
00:39:41.440 --> 00:39:43.480
It's very long distance.

895
00:39:43.520 --> 00:39:45.440
You have to be in it to win it.

896
00:39:45.440 --> 00:39:48.080
Meaning you're either going to have to fly to see each other

897
00:39:48.080 --> 00:39:49.360
or take very long drive.

898
00:39:49.360 --> 00:39:51.440
So you kind of have to be in it to win it.

899
00:39:51.440 --> 00:39:56.560
And so it is OK at this point for you're not asking him to marry you.

900
00:39:57.400 --> 00:39:58.080
You know what I'm saying?

901
00:39:58.080 --> 00:40:00.000
You're not asking and telling you that you love.

902
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.960
But I think it's appropriate to try to enjoy and have fun,

903
00:40:04.960 --> 00:40:07.560
but then kind of turn the conversation to say,

904
00:40:07.560 --> 00:40:08.380
hey, you know what?

905
00:40:08.380 --> 00:40:09.220
We are long distance.

906
00:40:09.220 --> 00:40:12.440
So, you know, do you mind if we ask a few more serious

907
00:40:12.440 --> 00:40:14.160
questions about where you're going?

908
00:40:14.160 --> 00:40:17.040
But, and you can ask me questions about where I'm going

909
00:40:17.040 --> 00:40:19.040
and things that are important to me, but you know,

910
00:40:19.040 --> 00:40:21.040
here's some things that are bubbling up for me.

911
00:40:21.040 --> 00:40:22.800
You are 37 living at your brother.

912
00:40:22.800 --> 00:40:24.800
And I know that that happens, but like,

913
00:40:24.800 --> 00:40:26.440
kind of like what's your goal to get out?

914
00:40:26.440 --> 00:40:28.640
When do you see yourself finding your own place?

915
00:40:28.640 --> 00:40:30.780
Like, what are your financial goals?

916
00:40:30.780 --> 00:40:33.200
Like, how does, how will that play out with a family?

917
00:40:33.200 --> 00:40:36.920
Do you want to be, you know, two incomes coming in?

918
00:40:36.920 --> 00:40:38.320
Do you want to have kids?

919
00:40:38.320 --> 00:40:40.980
Like, you know, I'm just trying to get a feel for like,

920
00:40:40.980 --> 00:40:44.640
what are some of your goals for the next two to three years?

921
00:40:44.640 --> 00:40:47.920
It is okay for you to start to field those

922
00:40:47.920 --> 00:40:51.720
conversant questions because you're right.

923
00:40:51.720 --> 00:40:54.800
His comments could have been completely innocent

924
00:40:54.800 --> 00:40:58.080
or he's looking for his, you know.

925
00:40:58.080 --> 00:41:00.440
And so you want to test that.

926
00:41:00.440 --> 00:41:03.800
I would say the more comfortable in his skin he is,

927
00:41:04.800 --> 00:41:06.840
the more calmly he'll answer that.

928
00:41:06.840 --> 00:41:08.680
If he starts to get defensive,

929
00:41:08.680 --> 00:41:11.920
if he starts to get offended, pay attention to that.

930
00:41:11.920 --> 00:41:14.680
Pay attention to how, pay attention to not just

931
00:41:14.680 --> 00:41:17.960
what he says to you, but how he responds to you.

932
00:41:17.960 --> 00:41:20.360
What kind of energy does he bring to that?

933
00:41:21.540 --> 00:41:23.320
Yeah, I think that's great.

934
00:41:23.320 --> 00:41:25.700
And I like the way you're phrasing all these things

935
00:41:25.700 --> 00:41:27.960
because they are open-ended questions

936
00:41:28.800 --> 00:41:31.120
and they're non-threatening framings in which you're.

937
00:41:31.120 --> 00:41:33.480
Right, because you're not going to say,

938
00:41:33.480 --> 00:41:35.240
why do you live with your brother?

939
00:41:35.240 --> 00:41:37.260
Like, anytime we start with why,

940
00:41:37.260 --> 00:41:38.880
we're going to put people on defense.

941
00:41:38.880 --> 00:41:39.760
I'm curious.

942
00:41:39.760 --> 00:41:42.240
And here's the thing, you're not even asking,

943
00:41:42.240 --> 00:41:45.720
like, hey, I don't even need to know how you got there.

944
00:41:45.720 --> 00:41:48.080
I just want to know what's your plan to get out.

945
00:41:48.080 --> 00:41:50.600
Yeah, that's good.

946
00:41:50.600 --> 00:41:51.480
And move on.

947
00:41:51.480 --> 00:41:54.340
So, because right away, they might feel like

948
00:41:54.340 --> 00:41:56.600
they need to tell you their sob story of what got you there.

949
00:41:56.600 --> 00:41:58.320
But like, hey, no, no, no.

950
00:41:58.320 --> 00:42:00.000
Like, I don't need to know that.

951
00:42:00.000 --> 00:42:03.320
I'm more curious about what your plan is to move forward.

952
00:42:03.320 --> 00:42:05.920
I don't care how you got there.

953
00:42:05.920 --> 00:42:07.400
Shit happens to everybody.

954
00:42:07.400 --> 00:42:09.040
Like, what's your plan to move forward?

955
00:42:09.040 --> 00:42:10.320
And I think that's great.

956
00:42:10.320 --> 00:42:13.080
The only concern I have is that essentially,

957
00:42:13.080 --> 00:42:17.280
I have already expressed some of these sentiments

958
00:42:17.280 --> 00:42:19.160
that you're describing.

959
00:42:19.160 --> 00:42:21.200
Essentially, I did ask him at one point

960
00:42:21.200 --> 00:42:23.040
through our hours of FaceTiming

961
00:42:23.040 --> 00:42:24.400
over the last however many weeks,

962
00:42:24.400 --> 00:42:29.400
like, what's your dream job?

963
00:42:29.600 --> 00:42:31.720
If you could have your dream job, what would you want to do?

964
00:42:31.720 --> 00:42:34.320
And I said, what is your plan?

965
00:42:34.320 --> 00:42:36.960
And he's like, well, I'm just in a really humbling season

966
00:42:36.960 --> 00:42:37.800
right now.

967
00:42:37.800 --> 00:42:41.920
And he's doing a job that is kind of humbling,

968
00:42:41.920 --> 00:42:42.940
to be honest.

969
00:42:45.300 --> 00:42:46.140
Right, okay.

970
00:42:46.140 --> 00:42:47.360
So let me just, I want to pause you

971
00:42:47.360 --> 00:42:50.200
because I also need to move on to the next group.

972
00:42:50.200 --> 00:42:52.120
But what I want to say to you is,

973
00:42:52.120 --> 00:42:54.680
those are very lofty questions.

974
00:42:54.680 --> 00:42:56.600
I want you to bring them down.

975
00:42:56.600 --> 00:42:58.160
I need you to bring them down.

976
00:42:58.160 --> 00:43:00.700
Like, what's your goal for the next six months?

977
00:43:00.700 --> 00:43:03.040
What's your goal for the next year?

978
00:43:03.040 --> 00:43:04.640
Like, where do you see, like, what,

979
00:43:04.640 --> 00:43:07.520
and so you are home, like, you are doing this.

980
00:43:07.520 --> 00:43:09.520
What break are you waiting through?

981
00:43:09.520 --> 00:43:12.240
Like, if you're in a position that's very humbling,

982
00:43:12.240 --> 00:43:16.280
what do you need to happen to get to the next step?

983
00:43:16.280 --> 00:43:18.000
And then the next step.

984
00:43:18.000 --> 00:43:20.160
Like, so you're asking, like, what's your dream job?

985
00:43:20.160 --> 00:43:21.000
What do you want to do?

986
00:43:21.000 --> 00:43:22.600
I'm like, that's too far away.

987
00:43:23.440 --> 00:43:25.160
So kind of bring them back.

988
00:43:25.160 --> 00:43:29.760
Like, hey, so what's the next six months look like for you?

989
00:43:29.760 --> 00:43:31.360
Like, what's the break you're waiting for you?

990
00:43:31.360 --> 00:43:33.360
Are you trying to save up a certain amount of money?

991
00:43:33.360 --> 00:43:34.760
Do you have your resume out?

992
00:43:34.760 --> 00:43:36.940
Are you looking for a headhunter?

993
00:43:36.940 --> 00:43:39.340
Are you not sure what you want to do?

994
00:43:39.340 --> 00:43:41.760
Are you working with a life coach or an executive coach?

995
00:43:41.760 --> 00:43:45.340
You know, start to ask a little bit more specific questions

996
00:43:45.340 --> 00:43:48.120
that are going to impact the next 12 months.

997
00:43:48.120 --> 00:43:49.480
Okay, that's good.

998
00:43:49.920 --> 00:43:52.240
I will ask more specific questions.

999
00:43:52.240 --> 00:43:53.320
And you'll be in person.

1000
00:43:53.320 --> 00:43:56.080
So it's just going to create a whole new dynamic.

1001
00:43:56.080 --> 00:43:59.400
Well, I cannot wait to hear about it next week.

1002
00:43:59.400 --> 00:44:01.280
You'll have to tell us.

1003
00:44:01.280 --> 00:44:02.800
Okay, Dawn, you are up.

1004
00:44:04.520 --> 00:44:05.720
Hello, Renee.

1005
00:44:05.720 --> 00:44:06.560
Hello.

1006
00:44:06.560 --> 00:44:07.400
Hello.

1007
00:44:07.400 --> 00:44:10.360
Yeah, this is my fifth week in now.

1008
00:44:10.360 --> 00:44:13.600
And I do have a few questions about the online dating

1009
00:44:13.600 --> 00:44:15.440
for what I'm getting ready to do next.

1010
00:44:15.440 --> 00:44:18.120
And a big testimony, a big confirmation.

1011
00:44:19.680 --> 00:44:20.520
Hopefully.

1012
00:44:22.360 --> 00:44:23.600
Great, I just lost you.

1013
00:44:23.600 --> 00:44:24.600
I lost your volume.

1014
00:44:24.600 --> 00:44:26.280
Did anybody else lose your volume?

1015
00:44:26.280 --> 00:44:27.120
I'm here.

1016
00:44:27.120 --> 00:44:27.940
Can you hear me?

1017
00:44:27.940 --> 00:44:28.780
Yeah, now I can.

1018
00:44:28.780 --> 00:44:29.600
I lost you for a bit.

1019
00:44:29.600 --> 00:44:30.880
Yeah, this is like my iPad.

1020
00:44:30.880 --> 00:44:32.520
So I'm just turning it around and stuff.

1021
00:44:32.520 --> 00:44:34.360
My laptop wasn't working.

1022
00:44:34.360 --> 00:44:37.720
Okay, so I'm on the dating apps.

1023
00:44:37.720 --> 00:44:40.840
I narrowed it down to one dating app, which was Upwork,

1024
00:44:40.840 --> 00:44:42.680
which is going really, really good.

1025
00:44:42.680 --> 00:44:46.760
So I had four guys that I was texting and chatting with.

1026
00:44:46.760 --> 00:44:49.120
I dropped it down to two.

1027
00:44:49.760 --> 00:44:50.800
Two guys had ghosted me

1028
00:44:50.800 --> 00:44:53.440
and they stopped texting and chatting me.

1029
00:44:53.440 --> 00:44:55.920
And I just, you know, I'm God defended.

1030
00:44:55.920 --> 00:44:57.840
So I didn't let it bother me.

1031
00:44:57.840 --> 00:45:00.040
I just, oh, well, they're not the right one.

1032
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.600
put them out. So we'll continue. So I have one guy, I dropped it down to two. So one guy's long

1033
00:45:05.600 --> 00:45:10.880
distance and one lives like 20 miles away from me. So I'll be concentrating more on the guy that's

1034
00:45:10.880 --> 00:45:18.560
20 miles away from me. So his name, so his name is Richard. So he wanted to jump onto Telegram

1035
00:45:18.560 --> 00:45:23.440
and I have Telegram. I thought, oh, that is perfect. Like I really like that to get off of

1036
00:45:23.440 --> 00:45:29.920
upwards. So we've been now talking on Telegram. We did two conversations and we're still chatting

1037
00:45:30.160 --> 00:45:38.560
and now it's time for a video call. So I really want to jump on the video chat. And he always

1038
00:45:38.560 --> 00:45:43.600
liked when he texts me in the morning, he knows my schedule. So I think he says, like yesterday,

1039
00:45:43.600 --> 00:45:48.400
he said, oh, we really have a lot in common. And, you know, he always calls me good morning,

1040
00:45:48.400 --> 00:45:52.720
beautiful. And he says, you know, we really like the same thing because we've been talking a lot

1041
00:45:52.720 --> 00:45:56.320
about our interest and what we like. How long have you been chatting now?

1042
00:45:57.120 --> 00:45:58.720
Um, about a week and a half.

1043
00:46:06.000 --> 00:46:11.520
You're further away from the mic again. I don't, I don't know if you're touching the microphone on

1044
00:46:11.520 --> 00:46:21.600
your iPad. So just don't touch it and don't move. I just talk. So what's your question, Dawn?

1045
00:46:22.240 --> 00:46:31.040
Um, I'm losing the volume again. I'm getting ready to do the first video call.

1046
00:46:31.040 --> 00:46:36.640
And I wanted to know some feedback of, um, like, uh, how, how I should look,

1047
00:46:36.640 --> 00:46:42.000
what I should do, what questions should we ask on the video call? How personal?

1048
00:46:42.560 --> 00:46:49.520
Perfect. Okay. Treat the video call like a date. So I want you to make sure at least chest up,

1049
00:46:49.600 --> 00:46:54.800
you can wear your pajama pants if you want. I don't care. At least chest up. You want to look

1050
00:46:54.800 --> 00:46:58.720
like you're on a date. You want to put a little makeup on, you want to do your hair. You want to

1051
00:46:58.720 --> 00:47:02.880
have cute earrings on because he can't see your bracelets and he can't see a long necklace,

1052
00:47:02.880 --> 00:47:08.160
but he can see some cute earrings. And you want to, and you want to make sure you guys,

1053
00:47:08.160 --> 00:47:14.480
you want to face the light. So take your computer, your iPad, and you want to keep the computer

1054
00:47:14.480 --> 00:47:20.000
level to you. You guys, I'm sitting on the floor because I have the computer on the seat.

1055
00:47:20.000 --> 00:47:27.040
So I'm level to you. You don't want the computer to be like this. So it's like, do you see how

1056
00:47:27.040 --> 00:47:31.680
like this is not attractive? You'll see that. Not so attractive. So we don't want to be able

1057
00:47:31.680 --> 00:47:37.920
to see up each other's nostrils. So wherever you're sitting, make sure the computer's level

1058
00:47:37.920 --> 00:47:43.600
to you. Make sure you're facing the light. Find your good light. I always try to make sure that

1059
00:47:43.600 --> 00:47:49.760
I have really good background. Like I specifically look what's behind me. You don't want them to see

1060
00:47:49.760 --> 00:47:55.440
crappy mess, right? You don't want them, and you don't want your background to fight you.

1061
00:47:55.440 --> 00:47:59.280
You're either going to have, like, I usually am sitting up over there where that pretty picture

1062
00:47:59.280 --> 00:48:03.040
over here, where now I've got some neutral. So, so you want to make sure you've got that.

1063
00:48:04.160 --> 00:48:08.720
And so, and you don't want to be, you don't need to be this close either. Like, do you see

1064
00:48:08.720 --> 00:48:12.880
like this close? Like right now, really? Cause you keep going off to the side.

1065
00:48:13.680 --> 00:48:18.160
I'm not going to use the iPad. So you see how this is just a little bit too close. Isn't this

1066
00:48:18.160 --> 00:48:24.240
feel a little bit creepy, Sarah, right? Sarah, sign up. Yeah. Like, all right. So back that

1067
00:48:24.240 --> 00:48:31.600
computer up, back it up. You want them to be able to see about like what I'm doing right here.

1068
00:48:31.600 --> 00:48:36.560
You want them to see from like your boobs to the top of your head. You want them to feel like

1069
00:48:36.560 --> 00:48:41.840
we're on a date with you. So if it's too close, it's not a date. Do you know what I'm saying?

1070
00:48:41.840 --> 00:48:46.720
Like you wouldn't be on a date. That's close. Like Lydia, you got a good distance from the

1071
00:48:46.720 --> 00:48:50.720
camera right now. That's looking really good, Sarah. You're a good distance from the camera.

1072
00:48:51.920 --> 00:48:57.680
Super good. Yeah. You just want to make sure, and then you want to make sure whatever you're using

1073
00:48:57.680 --> 00:49:03.280
is, is like, if it's not your laptop, if it's, if it's your iPod or phone, make sure it's propped

1074
00:49:03.280 --> 00:49:09.280
up against something so you don't have to be holding it and it's moving around. Like, no,

1075
00:49:09.280 --> 00:49:15.200
disgusting. Right. So, um, I mean, I've done Facebook. Those are all the things. And then

1076
00:49:15.200 --> 00:49:20.480
of course, the questions that you want to ask, have them ready. You guys, like, if y'all don't

1077
00:49:20.480 --> 00:49:25.760
know what stupid questions to ask, I'll give you some table topics and like go through a pile.

1078
00:49:25.760 --> 00:49:30.640
Like these are like probably 200 questions in here. So sometimes I have like five or six ready

1079
00:49:30.640 --> 00:49:35.760
to go. And I like to ask questions like that. Like, okay, you're about to go off to a potluck.

1080
00:49:35.760 --> 00:49:41.840
What's the food item you're most likely to bring? Um, what was your favorite sport in high school

1081
00:49:41.840 --> 00:49:46.240
or what was your favorite class? You know, your favorite subjects in high school. Like if you

1082
00:49:46.240 --> 00:49:50.720
could go back to your 18 year old self and, you know, give advice, what would you give them?

1083
00:49:50.720 --> 00:49:55.360
Like, I love coming up with like some fun, creative questions. That's not, so what do

1084
00:49:55.360 --> 00:49:59.040
you do for a live? You know, like, and you've already been talking a lot. So now it's time

1085
00:49:59.040 --> 00:49:59.840
for you to start asking.

1086
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.160
and like some fun questions.

1087
00:50:02.160 --> 00:50:04.400
So you can even Google,

1088
00:50:04.400 --> 00:50:07.040
what are some fun first date dating questions?

1089
00:50:07.040 --> 00:50:08.960
Try to keep it at an hour,

1090
00:50:08.960 --> 00:50:10.860
not longer than an hour and a half.

1091
00:50:10.860 --> 00:50:13.320
Give them a reason to watch the next date.

1092
00:50:13.320 --> 00:50:15.240
And again, just any other date,

1093
00:50:15.240 --> 00:50:16.080
at the end of the date,

1094
00:50:16.080 --> 00:50:17.400
if you wanna see them again,

1095
00:50:17.400 --> 00:50:19.400
you say, I had a great time.

1096
00:50:19.400 --> 00:50:20.400
I don't know where you're at,

1097
00:50:20.400 --> 00:50:23.640
but I'd love to see you again sometime.

1098
00:50:23.640 --> 00:50:25.320
If not, I just wanted you to know

1099
00:50:25.320 --> 00:50:27.320
that it was really nice getting to know you.

1100
00:50:27.320 --> 00:50:29.280
And I really thank you for your time.

1101
00:50:29.320 --> 00:50:30.540
Hop off.

1102
00:50:30.540 --> 00:50:31.380
Right.

1103
00:50:31.380 --> 00:50:32.200
So if I'm on my phone,

1104
00:50:32.200 --> 00:50:33.400
then I'm gonna prop it up.

1105
00:50:33.400 --> 00:50:35.020
Cause I was gonna be on my phone.

1106
00:50:35.020 --> 00:50:36.440
Cause if it's on telegram,

1107
00:50:36.440 --> 00:50:38.440
we're gonna do it on telegram.

1108
00:50:38.440 --> 00:50:39.780
And that's gonna be on my phone.

1109
00:50:39.780 --> 00:50:42.440
So I've done live streams on my phone.

1110
00:50:42.440 --> 00:50:43.480
Yeah, just prop it up.

1111
00:50:43.480 --> 00:50:44.480
So you're not holding it.

1112
00:50:44.480 --> 00:50:45.320
I'm gonna prop it up.

1113
00:50:45.320 --> 00:50:46.140
Yeah.

1114
00:50:46.140 --> 00:50:46.980
Can you hear me?

1115
00:50:46.980 --> 00:50:47.820
I have to,

1116
00:50:47.820 --> 00:50:49.080
I'm not gonna use the iPad again,

1117
00:50:49.080 --> 00:50:49.920
cause it's not working,

1118
00:50:49.920 --> 00:50:52.440
but nobody can see it.

1119
00:50:52.440 --> 00:50:54.320
But to do a Facebook live stream.

1120
00:50:54.320 --> 00:50:55.160
So I normally,

1121
00:50:55.160 --> 00:50:57.000
I do get dressed up when I do a live stream

1122
00:50:57.000 --> 00:50:58.200
and when I do stuff like that,

1123
00:50:58.200 --> 00:50:59.440
and I'm talking and speaking.

1124
00:50:59.440 --> 00:51:01.240
So I kind of know that.

1125
00:51:01.240 --> 00:51:02.080
So I'm thinking of how personal should I look.

1126
00:51:02.080 --> 00:51:03.400
Well, good luck, Dawn.

1127
00:51:03.400 --> 00:51:06.360
I can't wait to hear all about your date next week.

1128
00:51:06.360 --> 00:51:07.920
So you're gonna have to give us an update

1129
00:51:07.920 --> 00:51:09.080
on your date next week.

1130
00:51:09.080 --> 00:51:10.480
Yeah, I'm gonna give an update.

1131
00:51:10.480 --> 00:51:11.320
Now the other,

1132
00:51:11.320 --> 00:51:13.440
there was another guy that's long distance.

1133
00:51:13.440 --> 00:51:15.460
So with the other guy,

1134
00:51:15.460 --> 00:51:17.400
we're probably gonna text and chat more

1135
00:51:17.400 --> 00:51:18.640
because he's long distance.

1136
00:51:18.640 --> 00:51:21.220
He's like four or five hours away from me.

1137
00:51:21.220 --> 00:51:22.200
And so with that one,

1138
00:51:22.200 --> 00:51:24.080
we would text and chat more.

1139
00:51:24.080 --> 00:51:25.880
And so, so I'm thinking.

1140
00:51:25.880 --> 00:51:27.940
You guys, don't text too long.

1141
00:51:28.680 --> 00:51:29.520
Please do not text too long,

1142
00:51:29.520 --> 00:51:31.700
especially because it's long distance.

1143
00:51:31.700 --> 00:51:35.020
You guys should not be texting longer than a week.

1144
00:51:35.020 --> 00:51:37.160
Do not text with anybody longer than a week,

1145
00:51:37.160 --> 00:51:38.620
two weeks max.

1146
00:51:38.620 --> 00:51:39.940
Get off texting.

1147
00:51:39.940 --> 00:51:42.420
You've got to move to phone and video.

1148
00:51:42.420 --> 00:51:43.380
You have to.

1149
00:51:43.380 --> 00:51:44.520
And then in person.

1150
00:51:44.520 --> 00:51:46.300
Phone, video, in person.

1151
00:51:46.300 --> 00:51:47.180
Because here's the thing.

1152
00:51:47.180 --> 00:51:49.440
Texting is for facts.

1153
00:51:49.440 --> 00:51:50.940
Texting is for facts.

1154
00:51:50.940 --> 00:51:52.540
I'm four foot 11.

1155
00:51:52.540 --> 00:51:54.260
I used to work in nonprofit.

1156
00:51:54.260 --> 00:51:55.760
I'm in seminary school.

1157
00:51:55.760 --> 00:51:56.600
I'm Italian.

1158
00:51:56.600 --> 00:51:57.700
I'm from New York.

1159
00:51:58.460 --> 00:51:59.300
Those are all facts.

1160
00:51:59.300 --> 00:52:01.300
Renee, how do you feel about this?

1161
00:52:01.300 --> 00:52:02.860
What do you think about that?

1162
00:52:02.860 --> 00:52:04.260
What do you think about this?

1163
00:52:04.260 --> 00:52:06.840
Those are not healthy texting conversations

1164
00:52:06.840 --> 00:52:08.540
to a stranger you've not met.

1165
00:52:08.540 --> 00:52:10.860
It's one thing if it's your family member

1166
00:52:10.860 --> 00:52:13.820
who like when I text back and forth with my sister,

1167
00:52:13.820 --> 00:52:16.380
we know exactly how we're speaking to each other

1168
00:52:16.380 --> 00:52:19.860
because we've been around each other for 50 years.

1169
00:52:19.860 --> 00:52:22.920
And so do not think because it's long distance

1170
00:52:22.920 --> 00:52:24.740
that texting is still the way to go.

1171
00:52:24.740 --> 00:52:26.500
Get off texting.

1172
00:52:26.620 --> 00:52:27.620
Get off texting.

1173
00:52:28.580 --> 00:52:31.700
Texting is just, it's like it's your gateway.

1174
00:52:31.700 --> 00:52:34.660
Texting is just your gateway to talking to them.

1175
00:52:34.660 --> 00:52:36.820
So especially with long distance,

1176
00:52:36.820 --> 00:52:39.300
you wanna move to video sooner than later.

1177
00:52:39.300 --> 00:52:41.420
You wanna make sure this is somebody worth you

1178
00:52:41.420 --> 00:52:43.620
even continuing the conversation.

1179
00:52:43.620 --> 00:52:44.460
Okay, Dawn?

1180
00:52:44.460 --> 00:52:47.460
That's my piece of the pie to you.

1181
00:52:47.460 --> 00:52:48.500
It sounds good.

1182
00:52:48.500 --> 00:52:50.820
So I'll let you know how the video date goes.

1183
00:52:50.820 --> 00:52:51.640
I love it.

1184
00:52:51.640 --> 00:52:53.300
I can't wait to hear all about it.

1185
00:52:53.300 --> 00:52:54.220
Is it Ghislaine?

1186
00:52:54.220 --> 00:52:55.060
Is it Ghislaine?

1187
00:52:55.060 --> 00:52:56.340
Am I saying that correct?

1188
00:53:02.820 --> 00:53:04.120
Are you still there, girl?

1189
00:53:05.340 --> 00:53:06.180
You're muted.

1190
00:53:07.180 --> 00:53:09.100
I am, I'm here.

1191
00:53:09.100 --> 00:53:10.980
Did I say your name correct?

1192
00:53:10.980 --> 00:53:12.660
Yes, you said it perfectly.

1193
00:53:13.900 --> 00:53:16.300
I'm trying to turn on my camera, but so much is happening.

1194
00:53:16.300 --> 00:53:17.540
So I'm just gonna talk.

1195
00:53:19.680 --> 00:53:24.680
I posted on my Facebook the other day about my first date.

1196
00:53:25.860 --> 00:53:29.060
And the date went perfectly.

1197
00:53:29.060 --> 00:53:34.060
And last, on Sunday, we went on our second date.

1198
00:53:34.380 --> 00:53:37.080
And the second date went really, really well.

1199
00:53:37.080 --> 00:53:39.580
So at this point, like we're talking every day,

1200
00:53:39.580 --> 00:53:40.900
we're messaging each other.

1201
00:53:40.900 --> 00:53:41.980
He's very consistent.

1202
00:53:41.980 --> 00:53:43.740
He's very kind and caring.

1203
00:53:43.740 --> 00:53:46.940
And I feel like things are going really well.

1204
00:53:46.940 --> 00:53:49.500
However, I get very nervous

1205
00:53:49.500 --> 00:53:52.120
about how much information I share.

1206
00:53:52.120 --> 00:53:57.000
So I know that we're supposed to keep it very surface,

1207
00:53:57.000 --> 00:53:59.480
I guess, during the first few dates,

1208
00:53:59.480 --> 00:54:01.920
but I feel like, okay, it's time to get a little bit deeper,

1209
00:54:01.920 --> 00:54:03.620
but I don't wanna share too much.

1210
00:54:03.620 --> 00:54:07.360
And I, like I hear myself every time I'm talking to him,

1211
00:54:07.360 --> 00:54:09.680
like replaying questions in my mind,

1212
00:54:09.680 --> 00:54:11.720
like things that I should ask, things I should do,

1213
00:54:11.720 --> 00:54:15.820
just to make sure that I'm not overdoing it.

1214
00:54:15.820 --> 00:54:19.440
And so I find myself not sharing enough.

1215
00:54:19.440 --> 00:54:20.600
And he was just like-

1216
00:54:20.600 --> 00:54:24.320
Yeah, let me give you a trick that I've learned how to use.

1217
00:54:24.320 --> 00:54:28.320
And it may sound like really clinical right now,

1218
00:54:28.320 --> 00:54:31.440
but there are certain things about my story

1219
00:54:31.440 --> 00:54:34.360
that it's like peeling an onion.

1220
00:54:34.360 --> 00:54:37.280
So like, I know like sometimes Jack is like,

1221
00:54:37.280 --> 00:54:39.240
oh, keep it light and airy, keep it surface.

1222
00:54:39.240 --> 00:54:41.660
You guys, I swim in the deep end of the swimming pool.

1223
00:54:41.660 --> 00:54:43.600
I ran a nonprofit for 20 years.

1224
00:54:43.600 --> 00:54:45.200
I can't play with stupid,

1225
00:54:45.200 --> 00:54:47.400
trivial conversation for very long.

1226
00:54:47.400 --> 00:54:49.800
Like you guys, I've taken these on dates.

1227
00:54:50.200 --> 00:54:51.680
When Rick and I started dating,

1228
00:54:51.680 --> 00:54:54.040
he just started laughing at me with the damn cards.

1229
00:54:54.040 --> 00:54:56.240
He's like, stop it, stop it with the cards.

1230
00:54:57.960 --> 00:55:00.000
And so what I did was-

1231
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:06.040
I kind of mentally created a spreadsheet of the big parts of me that I would want somebody

1232
00:55:06.040 --> 00:55:07.040
to know about.

1233
00:55:07.040 --> 00:55:12.640
And I decided, and I kind of wrote a grid, like, okay, talk about my weight, talk about

1234
00:55:12.640 --> 00:55:17.120
my dad, my move to Nashville, like why did I leave the nonprofit?

1235
00:55:17.120 --> 00:55:19.280
Like what are some of the big things?

1236
00:55:19.280 --> 00:55:23.560
And then I kind of had a grid of what would I say about it now?

1237
00:55:23.560 --> 00:55:28.680
What would I say about it like in a couple of weeks if we decided to go exclusive, if

1238
00:55:28.680 --> 00:55:30.720
we're talking about getting married?

1239
00:55:30.720 --> 00:55:37.680
So it's like I kind of pre-decided how much am I willing to share about my career, about

1240
00:55:37.680 --> 00:55:41.880
my insecurities, about my dad, like, you know what I'm saying?

1241
00:55:41.880 --> 00:55:46.040
And like I started to like go, okay, this is what I'm willing to say about these topics

1242
00:55:46.040 --> 00:55:47.960
now.

1243
00:55:47.960 --> 00:55:52.120
This is what I'm willing to say about these topics in a couple of weeks so that I didn't

1244
00:55:52.120 --> 00:55:55.040
feel like I was hiding parts of myself.

1245
00:55:55.040 --> 00:55:56.480
Do you know what I'm saying?

1246
00:55:56.480 --> 00:56:02.000
I don't know if that helps for you to kind of think about what do I want to know about

1247
00:56:02.000 --> 00:56:06.920
him and what would I want to share about me and how much of that am I willing to share

1248
00:56:06.920 --> 00:56:07.920
now?

1249
00:56:07.920 --> 00:56:10.800
And like, so I know what my stopping point is.

1250
00:56:10.800 --> 00:56:13.680
So I know when it's too much.

1251
00:56:13.680 --> 00:56:20.280
So if you kind of have a prepared, even if you just mentally do that gymnastics, it might

1252
00:56:20.280 --> 00:56:25.280
help you feel like you're showing up a little bit more authentically without oversharing.

1253
00:56:26.080 --> 00:56:27.080
Yeah.

1254
00:56:27.080 --> 00:56:28.800
Does that sound like an idea?

1255
00:56:28.800 --> 00:56:30.960
Like, does it make sense at all what I'm saying?

1256
00:56:30.960 --> 00:56:32.560
Yeah, it definitely does.

1257
00:56:32.560 --> 00:56:33.560
Absolutely.

1258
00:56:33.560 --> 00:56:34.560
Yeah.

1259
00:56:34.560 --> 00:56:37.160
Because, um, and I'm glad you had a great first date now.

1260
00:56:37.160 --> 00:56:39.760
And here's what I can tell you.

1261
00:56:39.760 --> 00:56:44.440
If you're really connecting and you're both like really good at sharing, you're going

1262
00:56:44.440 --> 00:56:48.080
to find yourself in the deep end a lot of times where I'm like, oh crap.

1263
00:56:48.080 --> 00:56:54.640
I'm like, like ignoring, just give yourself some grace and just be like, you know what?

1264
00:56:55.000 --> 00:57:00.960
I just realized, and it's probably my fault because I've asked you questions.

1265
00:57:00.960 --> 00:57:05.000
Um, so I'm just realizing we're probably getting too deep.

1266
00:57:05.000 --> 00:57:06.920
So let's put a pin in that.

1267
00:57:06.920 --> 00:57:10.160
Like so it's okay for you to just say, wow, we're getting pretty deep.

1268
00:57:10.160 --> 00:57:11.640
Let's put a pin in that.

1269
00:57:11.640 --> 00:57:14.240
Let's rein it back and kind of make a joke about it.

1270
00:57:14.240 --> 00:57:19.240
So you're going to find yourself there and then you kind of rein it back in.

1271
00:57:19.240 --> 00:57:22.240
And it's okay to say, let's put a pin in it.

1272
00:57:22.240 --> 00:57:23.240
Yeah.

1273
00:57:23.240 --> 00:57:24.240
Does that help?

1274
00:57:24.840 --> 00:57:25.840
Absolutely.

1275
00:57:25.840 --> 00:57:26.840
You guys will.

1276
00:57:26.840 --> 00:57:27.840
Yay.

1277
00:57:27.840 --> 00:57:28.840
I'm so excited.

1278
00:57:28.840 --> 00:57:29.840
Julie, I'm glad you're here, girl.

1279
00:57:29.840 --> 00:57:30.840
I can't wait to catch up with you.

1280
00:57:30.840 --> 00:57:31.840
Allison, you're up.

1281
00:57:31.840 --> 00:57:32.840
Hi.

1282
00:57:32.840 --> 00:57:33.840
So beautiful.

1283
00:57:33.840 --> 00:57:34.840
Um, so my, so my question is actually opposite.

1284
00:57:34.840 --> 00:57:35.840
Like, so, um, actually Bethany asked me about it in the, um, the roll call, but she never,

1285
00:57:35.840 --> 00:57:36.840
I responded and she never said anything.

1286
00:57:36.840 --> 00:58:01.640
So, um, so I had, um, a high school classmate reach out to me on Facebook.

1287
00:58:01.640 --> 00:58:02.880
I'm not on Facebook dating.

1288
00:58:02.880 --> 00:58:05.640
I'm not, you can just reach out out of nowhere.

1289
00:58:05.640 --> 00:58:10.920
And we messaged back and forth a couple times within like a 12 hour period, probably three

1290
00:58:10.920 --> 00:58:12.320
or four messages back and forth.

1291
00:58:12.320 --> 00:58:17.240
And he was very quick to ask me to meet up and catch up in person.

1292
00:58:17.240 --> 00:58:22.720
And I spoke last week that we were going to have a phone call first, which went really

1293
00:58:22.720 --> 00:58:23.720
well.

1294
00:58:23.720 --> 00:58:24.720
It was like 90 minutes.

1295
00:58:24.720 --> 00:58:27.760
Um, I feel like it was a little different just cause there was a history there.

1296
00:58:27.760 --> 00:58:28.760
So I didn't like it.

1297
00:58:28.760 --> 00:58:31.240
I'm sure it wasn't like, I didn't know him.

1298
00:58:31.240 --> 00:58:36.680
Um, you know, he's executive director of Habitat for Humanity for our County.

1299
00:58:36.680 --> 00:58:40.400
Um, like there was just a lot of really, it just flowed really well.

1300
00:58:40.400 --> 00:58:41.400
So I was very excited.

1301
00:58:41.400 --> 00:58:47.320
Um, so the, how far away are you guys from each other?

1302
00:58:47.320 --> 00:58:50.320
I mean, 15 minutes, 20 minutes.

1303
00:58:50.320 --> 00:58:51.320
Perfect.

1304
00:58:51.320 --> 00:58:54.520
So, um, and you're meeting this Thursday.

1305
00:58:54.520 --> 00:58:57.600
He was quick to, yes.

1306
00:58:57.600 --> 00:59:02.440
And so he was quick to set up the date at the end of the conversation.

1307
00:59:02.440 --> 00:59:08.400
Um, however, we haven't texted or messaged at all.

1308
00:59:08.400 --> 00:59:16.360
So when did, um, so when was your video like, so it was Sunday night was the, a Facebook

1309
00:59:16.360 --> 00:59:17.360
message.

1310
00:59:17.360 --> 00:59:18.360
Okay.

1311
00:59:18.360 --> 00:59:26.960
And then, um, that's, he had proposed, um, an actual date, like a week and a half later.

1312
00:59:27.320 --> 00:59:30.680
And so I was like, well, I, you know, can we catch up a little bit ahead of time?

1313
00:59:30.680 --> 00:59:38.520
And so I proposed the phone call with four days later, um, and then I messaged or I texted

1314
00:59:38.520 --> 00:59:39.520
him that morning.

1315
00:59:39.520 --> 00:59:40.720
I said, I'm looking forward to this evening.

1316
00:59:40.720 --> 00:59:43.560
I'll call you at seven and said, he said, I am too.

1317
00:59:43.560 --> 00:59:48.800
And then we talked and then there was nothing since, but the really have it.

1318
00:59:48.800 --> 00:59:54.240
So I just don't know if we're just waiting for the date and we'll see how it goes or

1319
00:59:54.240 --> 00:59:56.160
it was never really called a date.

1320
00:59:56.360 --> 00:59:56.880
I'm sorry.

1321
00:59:56.880 --> 00:59:59.760
So you're, I don't know where to put this because yeah.

1322
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:02.680
So you're meeting this Thursday, but the video date,

1323
01:00:02.680 --> 01:00:04.500
remind me when the video date was.

1324
01:00:05.440 --> 01:00:06.840
Last Thursday.

1325
01:00:06.840 --> 01:00:08.820
Oh, so a whole week.

1326
01:00:08.820 --> 01:00:10.240
Yes.

1327
01:00:10.240 --> 01:00:13.600
Huh, well, you know,

1328
01:00:15.200 --> 01:00:16.560
you don't know.

1329
01:00:16.560 --> 01:00:19.380
And the good news is you'll find out Thursday night.

1330
01:00:19.380 --> 01:00:20.220
I mean.

1331
01:00:20.220 --> 01:00:21.040
I guess I will.

1332
01:00:21.040 --> 01:00:23.120
I mean, he, and this is somebody

1333
01:00:23.120 --> 01:00:24.560
you went to high school with?

1334
01:00:25.960 --> 01:00:26.860
Yes.

1335
01:00:26.860 --> 01:00:29.960
Yeah, you know what, when it's somebody from the past,

1336
01:00:29.960 --> 01:00:34.960
like that, they may not be sure what they want it to be.

1337
01:00:35.480 --> 01:00:39.080
And so they don't want to start texting you

1338
01:00:39.080 --> 01:00:42.120
and messaging you and it become a thing.

1339
01:00:42.120 --> 01:00:45.400
If when you guys see each other in person,

1340
01:00:45.400 --> 01:00:47.120
it's not a thing.

1341
01:00:47.120 --> 01:00:47.960
Do you know what I'm saying?

1342
01:00:47.960 --> 01:00:50.160
Like, I can totally see somebody,

1343
01:00:50.160 --> 01:00:54.260
I could totally picture me seeing somebody on Facebook

1344
01:00:54.260 --> 01:00:56.400
from my past going like, oh my gosh,

1345
01:00:56.400 --> 01:00:57.440
I haven't seen you in so long.

1346
01:00:57.440 --> 01:00:58.420
We need to get together.

1347
01:00:58.460 --> 01:01:00.780
And if that person was like, well, okay,

1348
01:01:00.780 --> 01:01:02.740
I haven't really talked to you since school

1349
01:01:02.740 --> 01:01:05.860
and it's been 30 years, like, let's do a phone call first.

1350
01:01:05.860 --> 01:01:08.400
So you have a phone call and it still feels good,

1351
01:01:09.340 --> 01:01:12.340
but you're not sure what it is.

1352
01:01:12.340 --> 01:01:14.620
So like, do you start the phone call thing?

1353
01:01:14.620 --> 01:01:16.220
Do you start texting?

1354
01:01:16.220 --> 01:01:19.220
So I can totally see,

1355
01:01:20.780 --> 01:01:23.080
I could see it going either way.

1356
01:01:23.080 --> 01:01:25.180
I think they're curious.

1357
01:01:25.180 --> 01:01:27.620
I think they're very curious

1358
01:01:27.620 --> 01:01:30.920
and they want to see you in person before they decide.

1359
01:01:32.300 --> 01:01:33.540
Yeah.

1360
01:01:33.540 --> 01:01:35.620
Yeah, I mean, I don't like,

1361
01:01:35.620 --> 01:01:38.500
just from like the one you originally messaged me,

1362
01:01:38.500 --> 01:01:41.020
like, I just, I felt like it was definitely a reaching out.

1363
01:01:41.020 --> 01:01:43.180
Like I'm like, I kind of knew what it was.

1364
01:01:44.100 --> 01:01:45.540
Oh yeah.

1365
01:01:45.540 --> 01:01:48.020
But it's not like we met on a dating app or he saw me.

1366
01:01:48.020 --> 01:01:49.980
So there is that element of,

1367
01:01:50.860 --> 01:01:51.700
Right.

1368
01:01:51.700 --> 01:01:54.260
But I have to say, if I'm being honest.

1369
01:01:54.980 --> 01:01:55.820
Yeah.

1370
01:01:57.180 --> 01:01:59.780
Wait, so what part are you worried about?

1371
01:01:59.780 --> 01:02:02.460
Like, are you worried about how to show up?

1372
01:02:02.460 --> 01:02:04.060
Like, are you worried about how to show up?

1373
01:02:04.060 --> 01:02:06.340
Like, do I show up like it's a date?

1374
01:02:06.340 --> 01:02:07.940
Do I show up like we're friends?

1375
01:02:07.940 --> 01:02:09.640
Is that what you're worried about?

1376
01:02:12.860 --> 01:02:14.180
You guys, can you guys hear me?

1377
01:02:14.180 --> 01:02:16.060
Is it Allison's reception?

1378
01:02:16.060 --> 01:02:19.460
No, I'm like, I'm really not, but I just,

1379
01:02:20.460 --> 01:02:22.500
I really would like this to work out.

1380
01:02:22.500 --> 01:02:23.340
If I'm being really honest.

1381
01:02:24.260 --> 01:02:26.380
So this is really hard.

1382
01:02:26.380 --> 01:02:28.500
Cause at least on a dating app,

1383
01:02:28.500 --> 01:02:30.540
you know, when they reach out to you,

1384
01:02:30.540 --> 01:02:32.780
they want to go out on a date.

1385
01:02:32.780 --> 01:02:37.060
When someone reaches out to you like this, you don't know.

1386
01:02:37.060 --> 01:02:42.060
Chances are 90% of this is he'd like to see,

1387
01:02:42.060 --> 01:02:45.700
like, but he's not going to put all his cards on the table

1388
01:02:45.700 --> 01:02:47.380
because of the past.

1389
01:02:47.380 --> 01:02:52.380
So I say, Allison, treat it like it's a first date.

1390
01:02:53.100 --> 01:02:55.420
Like you would any other first date.

1391
01:02:55.420 --> 01:02:58.900
Look adorable, be friendly, be kind,

1392
01:02:58.900 --> 01:03:03.540
have fun, silly questions ready, see what they're up to.

1393
01:03:03.540 --> 01:03:07.580
But then I would try to be clear by the end of the date.

1394
01:03:07.580 --> 01:03:11.260
Before the end of the date, I would just say like,

1395
01:03:11.260 --> 01:03:14.380
hey, so it kind of was like out of the blue.

1396
01:03:14.380 --> 01:03:16.900
Were you just wanting to catch up?

1397
01:03:16.900 --> 01:03:19.660
Are you thinking that you'd like to see

1398
01:03:19.660 --> 01:03:22.220
how it would go getting to know me today?

1399
01:03:23.060 --> 01:03:26.860
You don't need to say, you guys, is this a date?

1400
01:03:26.860 --> 01:03:29.940
You might just say something like, you know,

1401
01:03:29.940 --> 01:03:32.420
were you just kind of feeling nostalgic

1402
01:03:32.420 --> 01:03:35.900
and wanting to catch up with somebody from your past?

1403
01:03:35.900 --> 01:03:39.500
Or are you looking to get to know me today?

1404
01:03:40.940 --> 01:03:42.540
Because if you are,

1405
01:03:42.540 --> 01:03:45.620
I'd love to continue to get to know who you are today too.

1406
01:03:46.580 --> 01:03:50.180
That's how you can say it without saying, is this a date?

1407
01:03:50.180 --> 01:03:51.860
Did you want to go out on a date again?

1408
01:03:52.500 --> 01:03:54.820
It's more like, hey, is this just nostalgia?

1409
01:03:54.820 --> 01:03:57.900
You saw somebody that you wanted to get in touch with,

1410
01:03:57.900 --> 01:04:02.220
blast from the past, or are you hoping to get a chance

1411
01:04:02.220 --> 01:04:03.700
to get to know me today?

1412
01:04:03.700 --> 01:04:05.260
Because if you are, I hope so,

1413
01:04:05.260 --> 01:04:07.460
because I'd love to get to know you too.

1414
01:04:07.460 --> 01:04:09.180
If you're not, that's okay too.

1415
01:04:10.060 --> 01:04:12.620
Like, you want to make sure you get clarity

1416
01:04:12.620 --> 01:04:13.780
by the end of the date.

1417
01:04:14.740 --> 01:04:17.740
Well, shoot, because I'm practicing that line

1418
01:04:17.740 --> 01:04:19.900
that you gave everybody before,

1419
01:04:19.900 --> 01:04:21.140
of like, I'd love to see you again,

1420
01:04:21.420 --> 01:04:22.780
but you're throwing some extra words in here,

1421
01:04:22.780 --> 01:04:23.620
so I don't know.

1422
01:04:25.780 --> 01:04:28.540
Well, but your situation's different

1423
01:04:28.540 --> 01:04:31.780
because you don't know what his intentions are.

1424
01:04:31.780 --> 01:04:34.460
At least when you meet online, it's a date.

1425
01:04:34.460 --> 01:04:35.820
You know it's a date,

1426
01:04:35.820 --> 01:04:39.060
but we don't know if it's a date, right?

1427
01:04:39.060 --> 01:04:40.260
I mean, I don't know.

1428
01:04:40.260 --> 01:04:42.100
You can tell by his Facebook profile,

1429
01:04:42.100 --> 01:04:44.620
like he's not married anymore.

1430
01:04:44.620 --> 01:04:47.220
All right, well, girl, I'll tell you what.

1431
01:04:47.220 --> 01:04:51.300
If you think you want to go with my original line,

1432
01:04:51.300 --> 01:04:52.380
you go for it.

1433
01:04:52.380 --> 01:04:53.220
Do you know what I'm saying?

1434
01:04:53.220 --> 01:04:56.180
If that feels way more comfortable for you,

1435
01:04:56.180 --> 01:04:57.420
and you're, if you,

1436
01:04:58.620 --> 01:05:00.060
I, what I, here's, like.

1437
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.840
Here's the thing, and you'll probably figure this,

1438
01:05:02.840 --> 01:05:04.960
here's, well, here's the questions

1439
01:05:04.960 --> 01:05:07.240
you can ask during the date.

1440
01:05:07.240 --> 01:05:09.000
So where are you today?

1441
01:05:09.000 --> 01:05:12.340
Like, are you, like, are you in your career?

1442
01:05:12.340 --> 01:05:14.400
Are you raising kids?

1443
01:05:14.400 --> 01:05:16.520
Like, oh, you're divorced?

1444
01:05:16.520 --> 01:05:19.440
Oh, are you just getting back out there?

1445
01:05:19.440 --> 01:05:21.440
Are you just looking, you know, like, you know,

1446
01:05:21.440 --> 01:05:23.240
kind of where are you in that dating?

1447
01:05:23.240 --> 01:05:25.240
Are you like, are you dating people?

1448
01:05:25.240 --> 01:05:27.040
Like, are you just trying to get back out

1449
01:05:27.040 --> 01:05:28.720
in the real world again?

1450
01:05:28.720 --> 01:05:29.840
Because that's the thing too,

1451
01:05:29.840 --> 01:05:34.840
if he's recently divorced and he hasn't dated in 15 years,

1452
01:05:35.280 --> 01:05:39.240
he might see you as a safe softball first date.

1453
01:05:39.240 --> 01:05:40.080
Do you know what I'm saying?

1454
01:05:40.080 --> 01:05:42.640
Like, oh, there's this girl I used to know.

1455
01:05:42.640 --> 01:05:43.880
Let me catch up with her.

1456
01:05:43.880 --> 01:05:46.120
Let me see if I got my dating mojo back.

1457
01:05:46.120 --> 01:05:48.320
Like, let me see if she's somebody

1458
01:05:48.320 --> 01:05:49.920
I'd like to go out on a date with.

1459
01:05:49.920 --> 01:05:51.520
So like, oh, you're divorced?

1460
01:05:51.520 --> 01:05:53.680
Oh, how long ago were you divorced?

1461
01:05:53.680 --> 01:05:55.000
You know, was that hard?

1462
01:05:55.000 --> 01:05:56.720
Have you been out dating since?

1463
01:05:56.720 --> 01:05:58.720
Are you just getting back out there?

1464
01:05:58.720 --> 01:06:00.600
Those are questions that are appropriate

1465
01:06:00.600 --> 01:06:01.440
for you to find out,

1466
01:06:01.440 --> 01:06:02.920
especially because y'all went to high school.

1467
01:06:02.920 --> 01:06:06.000
You can dig a little deeper, you know,

1468
01:06:06.000 --> 01:06:07.840
because of that commonality.

1469
01:06:09.480 --> 01:06:11.400
You just, I just want to make sure,

1470
01:06:11.400 --> 01:06:13.640
because I know plenty of men

1471
01:06:13.640 --> 01:06:17.160
who after the divorce started dating

1472
01:06:17.160 --> 01:06:20.720
simply because they missed companionship of women

1473
01:06:20.720 --> 01:06:23.640
and they weren't ready to be dating.

1474
01:06:23.640 --> 01:06:25.760
Does that make sense?

1475
01:06:25.760 --> 01:06:28.080
So because you have a dating app,

1476
01:06:28.080 --> 01:06:30.040
you don't know if he's just looking

1477
01:06:30.040 --> 01:06:31.960
to hang out companionship.

1478
01:06:31.960 --> 01:06:34.800
So even if you said my standard,

1479
01:06:34.800 --> 01:06:36.080
hey, I had a really great time.

1480
01:06:36.080 --> 01:06:38.320
I'd love to see you again.

1481
01:06:38.320 --> 01:06:40.680
Because you guys went to high school together,

1482
01:06:40.680 --> 01:06:42.680
it could be possible his answer could be like,

1483
01:06:42.680 --> 01:06:45.600
great, Allison, I'd love to see you again too.

1484
01:06:45.600 --> 01:06:48.760
But that doesn't mean he's ready to be dating.

1485
01:06:48.760 --> 01:06:49.960
Gotcha. Okay.

1486
01:06:49.960 --> 01:06:51.400
Thank you. Does that make sense?

1487
01:06:51.400 --> 01:06:54.560
So you may, as long as you feel like

1488
01:06:54.560 --> 01:06:56.480
you're getting that answer,

1489
01:06:56.480 --> 01:06:59.720
then my comment, my normal standard ending

1490
01:06:59.720 --> 01:07:01.480
would be totally appropriate.

1491
01:07:01.480 --> 01:07:04.960
But if you feel like the whole time you can't tell

1492
01:07:04.960 --> 01:07:06.240
and you're like, well, shoot,

1493
01:07:06.240 --> 01:07:07.400
does he just want to be friends?

1494
01:07:07.400 --> 01:07:09.400
Is this just a high school thing?

1495
01:07:09.400 --> 01:07:12.160
You might have to be a bit more direct at the end.

1496
01:07:12.160 --> 01:07:14.760
Like if you feel like you've tried to fish

1497
01:07:14.760 --> 01:07:16.920
and he's not giving you any clarity.

1498
01:07:17.920 --> 01:07:18.760
Okay.

1499
01:07:18.760 --> 01:07:20.680
You might have to fish and it's okay to be like,

1500
01:07:20.680 --> 01:07:22.200
you know, so, you know, like,

1501
01:07:22.200 --> 01:07:25.560
and it's okay to be like, gosh, that's really a shame.

1502
01:07:25.720 --> 01:07:27.360
You know, sorry you went through that.

1503
01:07:27.360 --> 01:07:28.400
How long has it been?

1504
01:07:28.400 --> 01:07:30.000
You know, have you been dating

1505
01:07:30.000 --> 01:07:31.080
or are you getting back out there?

1506
01:07:31.080 --> 01:07:31.960
And he might say to you, gosh,

1507
01:07:31.960 --> 01:07:34.160
you're the first female I'm taking out to lunch

1508
01:07:34.160 --> 01:07:35.000
in 30 years.

1509
01:07:35.000 --> 01:07:35.840
I mean, you know what I mean?

1510
01:07:35.840 --> 01:07:36.920
I don't know, you know?

1511
01:07:36.920 --> 01:07:41.920
So you just kind of want to tip toe around a little bit

1512
01:07:42.240 --> 01:07:44.120
and then that'll help direct

1513
01:07:44.120 --> 01:07:46.040
how you close the loop at the end.

1514
01:07:46.040 --> 01:07:50.440
I just want to make sure, and that's probably Bethany's.

1515
01:07:50.440 --> 01:07:52.600
I just want to make sure that you're not going to get

1516
01:07:52.600 --> 01:07:54.480
yourself in a situation ship.

1517
01:07:55.640 --> 01:07:57.040
Okay. Yep.

1518
01:07:57.040 --> 01:07:57.880
That's it.

1519
01:07:57.880 --> 01:07:58.720
That makes sense.

1520
01:07:58.720 --> 01:08:01.840
And we don't know because we don't know.

1521
01:08:01.840 --> 01:08:03.600
So I guess we'll know after Thursday.

1522
01:08:03.600 --> 01:08:04.440
You will.

1523
01:08:04.440 --> 01:08:06.120
I mean, we're going to get lots of updates next week.

1524
01:08:06.120 --> 01:08:08.080
Y'all better come back next week.

1525
01:08:08.080 --> 01:08:08.920
Okay.

1526
01:08:08.920 --> 01:08:09.760
Thank you.

1527
01:08:09.760 --> 01:08:10.600
I hope that helps.

1528
01:08:10.600 --> 01:08:11.440
Julie.

1529
01:08:11.440 --> 01:08:12.280
I'm so Julie.

1530
01:08:12.280 --> 01:08:15.280
Are you the one that I've commented on your post, Julie?

1531
01:08:15.280 --> 01:08:16.120
Hi.

1532
01:08:17.080 --> 01:08:18.520
Yes, you did.

1533
01:08:18.520 --> 01:08:20.359
So yeah, it was about.

1534
01:08:20.359 --> 01:08:21.439
Our touchy feely friend.

1535
01:08:21.439 --> 01:08:22.279
No.

1536
01:08:24.439 --> 01:08:25.279
Yeah.

1537
01:08:26.520 --> 01:08:27.359
Yeah.

1538
01:08:27.359 --> 01:08:28.200
Okay.

1539
01:08:28.200 --> 01:08:30.200
So catch us up with where you're at with it.

1540
01:08:30.200 --> 01:08:35.200
Cause I don't want to, I want to, for the record,

1541
01:08:35.240 --> 01:08:37.640
you guys, if you didn't see Julie's post,

1542
01:08:37.640 --> 01:08:39.520
she had a great date.

1543
01:08:40.520 --> 01:08:44.880
He, you know, alluded to some, he tried to kiss,

1544
01:08:44.880 --> 01:08:47.160
try to go in for a little something, you know,

1545
01:08:47.160 --> 01:08:50.279
but alluded to what I would have said was

1546
01:08:50.279 --> 01:08:55.279
yellow flag ish behavior on testing the waters

1547
01:08:55.439 --> 01:08:57.880
with physical touch.

1548
01:08:58.760 --> 01:09:00.600
Anyway, that's about all I'll say on it.

1549
01:09:00.600 --> 01:09:04.720
He, he, at one point he,

1550
01:09:04.720 --> 01:09:06.840
he suggested that we go back to my place

1551
01:09:06.840 --> 01:09:10.080
because he didn't have a key for his friend's house.

1552
01:09:10.080 --> 01:09:13.720
He also was talking about me going to a wedding.

1553
01:09:13.720 --> 01:09:16.720
I've only, I've only talked to him for about a week.

1554
01:09:16.720 --> 01:09:20.840
He also, what else?

1555
01:09:20.840 --> 01:09:24.399
He suggested staying at his friend's house.

1556
01:09:26.279 --> 01:09:29.760
So what is my question?

1557
01:09:29.760 --> 01:09:33.640
Well, tell me this, what did you love about him?

1558
01:09:33.640 --> 01:09:35.359
Let's, let's look at the positives.

1559
01:09:35.359 --> 01:09:37.240
What did you like about the date?

1560
01:09:42.240 --> 01:09:46.200
I, I liked, well, my headlight was out in my car

1561
01:09:46.200 --> 01:09:47.720
and he fixed my headlight.

1562
01:09:48.840 --> 01:09:50.640
He opened doors for me.

1563
01:09:50.640 --> 01:09:53.160
He pulled out chairs.

1564
01:09:53.240 --> 01:09:56.920
He didn't let me pay.

1565
01:09:56.920 --> 01:10:01.920
He, he compensated for that.

1566
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:06.640
lamented me. Um, yeah, but I mean, he did, like, start

1567
01:10:06.640 --> 01:10:10.260
rubbing my leg at one point. And I'm just, I should have been

1568
01:10:10.260 --> 01:10:12.080
more direct, but I just kind of like moved.

1569
01:10:15.480 --> 01:10:18.320
Let's see. I feel like he didn't ask any.

1570
01:10:19.600 --> 01:10:23.400
How? So how did you guys which you did you met online, right?

1571
01:10:26.400 --> 01:10:29.000
Yeah, which which app did you guys meet on?

1572
01:10:31.000 --> 01:10:35.600
Facebook dating. Okay. And how much do you know, if anything

1573
01:10:35.600 --> 01:10:36.600
about his faith?

1574
01:10:40.200 --> 01:10:44.600
I don't know hardly anything. I, your it's breaking up a little

1575
01:10:44.600 --> 01:10:48.000
bit. But I do know like, he has gone to several Christian

1576
01:10:48.000 --> 01:10:52.840
concerts, and he's, he has it listed as his religion is

1577
01:10:52.840 --> 01:10:55.080
Christianity. Okay, that's all I know.

1578
01:10:55.520 --> 01:10:56.280
Okay, that's all I know.

1579
01:10:57.400 --> 01:11:01.320
No, that's okay. So we know he's got some Christianity. And

1580
01:11:01.360 --> 01:11:04.080
that's all we know. Okay.

1581
01:11:05.040 --> 01:11:09.840
And his parents met at Bible college or Bible, working at a

1582
01:11:09.840 --> 01:11:10.800
Bible college.

1583
01:11:12.520 --> 01:11:15.760
Um, and when was your date? Saturday? Was it Saturday

1584
01:11:15.760 --> 01:11:16.240
night?

1585
01:11:19.480 --> 01:11:20.040
Sunday?

1586
01:11:20.560 --> 01:11:22.640
Day. Have you heard from him since?

1587
01:11:23.640 --> 01:11:27.840
Yes, that's the thing is he he texts as much as I'll respond,

1588
01:11:27.840 --> 01:11:32.720
he'll just keep texting. He does the Good Morning Beautiful. And

1589
01:11:33.280 --> 01:11:36.200
this morning, or was it yesterday? Yeah, yesterday, he

1590
01:11:36.200 --> 01:11:41.200
sent me his home address, which is a couple hours away and said,

1591
01:11:41.600 --> 01:11:45.200
just for just to get an idea for the future. Do you think do you

1592
01:11:45.200 --> 01:11:51.320
think Harrisburg's too far to date me? And I was like, well,

1593
01:11:51.680 --> 01:11:54.520
I was like, well, it is kind of far. But you know, we can always

1594
01:11:54.520 --> 01:11:57.560
meet we, you know, we can just see like, is kind of what I

1595
01:11:57.560 --> 01:12:04.680
said. But yeah, I just feel like he's not asking me like any deep

1596
01:12:04.680 --> 01:12:06.800
questions or anything intentional. I know you're not

1597
01:12:06.800 --> 01:12:10.120
supposed to do that at this point. But he texts me so much

1598
01:12:10.120 --> 01:12:15.760
that it's just like, why are we texting like this when we don't

1599
01:12:15.760 --> 01:12:18.360
know? Yeah, where we are.

1600
01:12:18.640 --> 01:12:24.080
This is why you guys I really tried to set the I mean, I will

1601
01:12:24.080 --> 01:12:29.200
say this, like, I'm actually glad Rick actually has dyslexia. So

1602
01:12:29.200 --> 01:12:31.680
he hates texting because it's too hard for him to kind of

1603
01:12:31.680 --> 01:12:34.080
write the text. He'd rather talk on the phone, which I'm grateful

1604
01:12:34.080 --> 01:12:37.360
for. I'm a fan. As you guys already heard me say at the

1605
01:12:37.360 --> 01:12:42.400
beginning. I think texting serves its purpose, but it's not

1606
01:12:42.400 --> 01:12:45.840
how you should be dating somebody, especially after first

1607
01:12:45.840 --> 01:12:48.960
date. And on a first date, you guys, it is okay for you to say

1608
01:12:48.960 --> 01:12:53.080
you know what I hate texting to get to know, like, I'm glad that

1609
01:12:53.080 --> 01:12:57.000
that we met online. And that's great. But I really prefer

1610
01:12:57.000 --> 01:13:00.560
face to face video and phone conversations. I feel like

1611
01:13:00.560 --> 01:13:03.160
they're much more natural. Because here's the thing with a

1612
01:13:03.160 --> 01:13:07.320
phone call, Julie, is there's a start and a stop to the

1613
01:13:07.320 --> 01:13:13.480
conversation. You book the phone call, you hold space for it. But

1614
01:13:13.480 --> 01:13:17.600
I don't like this texting thing because it becomes like this all

1615
01:13:17.600 --> 01:13:23.200
day kind of conversation. But that's you don't want to date

1616
01:13:23.200 --> 01:13:29.280
that way. And so it is okay for you to say, honestly, during a

1617
01:13:29.280 --> 01:13:33.800
workday, I can't be texting all day, I would be happy to book a

1618
01:13:33.800 --> 01:13:38.920
phone call with you tonight. And then you just stop texting. So

1619
01:13:39.120 --> 01:13:43.320
if you guys tell me he continues to text you all day, then you're

1620
01:13:43.320 --> 01:13:47.520
allowing him to text you all day. If you want that texting to

1621
01:13:47.520 --> 01:13:53.800
stop, you got to stop it. And you stop it by saying, I don't

1622
01:13:53.840 --> 01:13:56.800
you know, I really and you don't want to be just like, you know,

1623
01:13:56.800 --> 01:13:59.840
I feel like texting was good when we were just getting to

1624
01:13:59.840 --> 01:14:03.200
know each other. Now that we've met in person, I'd rather move

1625
01:14:03.200 --> 01:14:09.400
to just video or phone call. And let's go ahead and block in some

1626
01:14:09.400 --> 01:14:13.160
time tonight if you want to chat. Because it's really the

1627
01:14:13.160 --> 01:14:15.680
only way you're going to determine if he's somebody you

1628
01:14:15.680 --> 01:14:22.720
want to see again. I'm a little worried that somebody this soon

1629
01:14:24.120 --> 01:14:30.360
is like, and I do think it's just not good that he sent you

1630
01:14:30.360 --> 01:14:34.200
that video that had like that guy joking in the background.

1631
01:14:34.480 --> 01:14:38.920
Like he's just what I will say this, Jackie talks about is he

1632
01:14:38.920 --> 01:14:43.440
marriage minded? Is he mature? Is he masculine? So you kind of

1633
01:14:43.440 --> 01:14:48.400
have to ask yourself if he's behaving that way. And so I want

1634
01:14:48.400 --> 01:14:52.400
you to kind of force his hand a little, but then I want you to

1635
01:14:52.400 --> 01:14:56.200
decide if you think he's worthy of you even putting in this time

1636
01:14:56.200 --> 01:15:00.120
and attention. Two years is like what we call short, long.

1637
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:05.000
long distance, it's drivable, but you can't just pop,

1638
01:15:05.600 --> 01:15:07.560
like Rick and I are four and a half miles away

1639
01:15:07.560 --> 01:15:08.560
from each other.

1640
01:15:08.560 --> 01:15:10.360
Our second date was at the gym.

1641
01:15:10.360 --> 01:15:12.180
Our third date was at the grocery store.

1642
01:15:12.180 --> 01:15:13.640
Swear to God, he wanted to see me again.

1643
01:15:13.640 --> 01:15:14.960
I'm like, dude, I got no time.

1644
01:15:14.960 --> 01:15:16.000
He's like, well, what are you doing today?

1645
01:15:16.000 --> 01:15:17.000
I'm like, I'm going to the grocery store.

1646
01:15:17.000 --> 01:15:18.200
He's like, all right, I'll meet you at the grocery store.

1647
01:15:18.200 --> 01:15:19.040
I'm like, okay.

1648
01:15:20.680 --> 01:15:25.580
And so that began, and so you guys are far enough away

1649
01:15:25.580 --> 01:15:29.600
that you just can't spontaneously see each other.

1650
01:15:29.600 --> 01:15:33.560
But I do want you to consider too, Julie,

1651
01:15:33.560 --> 01:15:38.560
why, like what is your boundary

1652
01:15:39.580 --> 01:15:44.480
on appropriate conversation and touch in general?

1653
01:15:44.480 --> 01:15:48.840
So you feel equipped to handle that in the future

1654
01:15:48.840 --> 01:15:52.880
because I don't want you to just passively move away.

1655
01:15:52.880 --> 01:15:57.080
Like I want him to know what your boundaries are.

1656
01:15:58.080 --> 01:16:00.680
Mm-hmm, okay, yeah.

1657
01:16:00.680 --> 01:16:05.160
And I think I should keep a strong boundary

1658
01:16:05.160 --> 01:16:09.760
about like no kissing until I'm in an exclusive relationship

1659
01:16:10.960 --> 01:16:13.000
because like I wanted to kiss him.

1660
01:16:13.000 --> 01:16:14.160
I said no at first,

1661
01:16:14.160 --> 01:16:15.680
but then I did it at the end of the night

1662
01:16:15.680 --> 01:16:17.880
because I kind of wanted to and he wanted to.

1663
01:16:17.880 --> 01:16:19.440
So I was like, okay, let's do it.

1664
01:16:19.440 --> 01:16:22.440
But it's just, it's a lot cleaner

1665
01:16:22.440 --> 01:16:25.020
just to have that boundary, right?

1666
01:16:27.240 --> 01:16:30.720
It is, because y'all like, I get it.

1667
01:16:30.720 --> 01:16:32.720
If someone's a great kisser, it's amazing.

1668
01:16:32.720 --> 01:16:36.800
We don't want you level two dating and kissing everybody.

1669
01:16:36.800 --> 01:16:37.760
You don't wanna do it

1670
01:16:37.760 --> 01:16:40.080
because your head's just gonna mess you up, right?

1671
01:16:40.080 --> 01:16:45.080
Like we know it gets all yummy, it gets all yummy,

1672
01:16:45.160 --> 01:16:47.160
and then you just start thinking stupid.

1673
01:16:47.160 --> 01:16:52.160
Like, and so we wanna make sure you're level two dating,

1674
01:16:52.240 --> 01:16:57.240
level two dating, but level two dating needs to progress.

1675
01:16:57.480 --> 01:16:59.600
And it progresses not physically,

1676
01:16:59.600 --> 01:17:01.400
but it's gonna progress emotionally.

1677
01:17:01.400 --> 01:17:02.760
That's the other reason why I want you

1678
01:17:02.760 --> 01:17:04.040
to stop texting with him

1679
01:17:04.040 --> 01:17:06.520
because you just said he's not really asking you

1680
01:17:06.520 --> 01:17:08.320
good questions and getting to know you.

1681
01:17:08.320 --> 01:17:10.080
Well, you can't when you're texting.

1682
01:17:10.080 --> 01:17:13.160
It's just can't, it's not appropriate.

1683
01:17:13.160 --> 01:17:18.160
So like, I think you'll know if he,

1684
01:17:18.240 --> 01:17:23.240
I mean, I'm leaning on, I'm a little concerned about,

1685
01:17:23.720 --> 01:17:25.800
he's made too many comments in a row,

1686
01:17:25.800 --> 01:17:27.640
talking about a wedding.

1687
01:17:27.640 --> 01:17:32.640
These are all not like, these are all not appropriate.

1688
01:17:33.200 --> 01:17:37.320
He's doing a lot of inappropriate comments and behavior.

1689
01:17:37.320 --> 01:17:41.480
So if you're not gonna just nip it in the bud right now,

1690
01:17:41.480 --> 01:17:43.120
I would like to see you progress

1691
01:17:43.120 --> 01:17:45.320
and kind of force his hand a little bit.

1692
01:17:45.320 --> 01:17:47.240
Be like, hey, you know what?

1693
01:17:47.280 --> 01:17:49.040
I'm kind of done texting.

1694
01:17:49.040 --> 01:17:52.200
I'd be happy to have phone conversations with you.

1695
01:17:52.200 --> 01:17:55.520
And I would make him,

1696
01:17:55.520 --> 01:17:57.360
he came to you this time for the date,

1697
01:17:57.360 --> 01:17:59.160
he came to your end of town?

1698
01:18:00.160 --> 01:18:03.120
Yeah, he stayed at his friend's nearby, yeah.

1699
01:18:03.120 --> 01:18:06.400
Yeah, I mean, if you guys are two hours away,

1700
01:18:06.400 --> 01:18:09.640
you could do a picnic on a Saturday afternoon

1701
01:18:09.640 --> 01:18:12.200
and you can meet halfway.

1702
01:18:12.200 --> 01:18:13.200
You know what I'm saying?

1703
01:18:13.200 --> 01:18:14.400
You can drive for an hour

1704
01:18:14.400 --> 01:18:16.800
and meet him halfway for a couple hours.

1705
01:18:18.880 --> 01:18:23.080
So that's my advice to you is try to force his hand.

1706
01:18:23.080 --> 01:18:25.920
You guys, I hope you guys are hearing this message

1707
01:18:25.920 --> 01:18:26.960
loud and clear.

1708
01:18:26.960 --> 01:18:30.560
Do not use texting as a way to keep the relationship going

1709
01:18:30.560 --> 01:18:31.400
and figuring it out.

1710
01:18:31.400 --> 01:18:33.960
It's just too clunky

1711
01:18:33.960 --> 01:18:36.880
and they invade your space too much in the day.

1712
01:18:36.880 --> 01:18:40.160
Like there's like, is texting throughout the day?

1713
01:18:40.160 --> 01:18:41.000
I'm sorry.

1714
01:18:41.000 --> 01:18:42.880
It's just like, y'all, I don't know about y'all,

1715
01:18:43.040 --> 01:18:46.320
but my parents raised me to like,

1716
01:18:46.320 --> 01:18:49.240
if I'm on company time, I'm on company time.

1717
01:18:49.240 --> 01:18:50.640
I'm old fashioned.

1718
01:18:50.640 --> 01:18:54.040
So like, I hated when I used to see my staff

1719
01:18:54.040 --> 01:18:55.480
bullshitting on the phone during the day.

1720
01:18:55.480 --> 01:18:57.440
Stop, like you're here to do your job.

1721
01:18:57.440 --> 01:18:58.400
Do your damn job.

1722
01:18:58.400 --> 01:19:00.440
So it's like, you got a job, Julie, right?

1723
01:19:00.440 --> 01:19:01.280
You got a job.

1724
01:19:01.280 --> 01:19:02.240
So I want you to do your job.

1725
01:19:02.240 --> 01:19:03.640
I want him to do his job.

1726
01:19:04.560 --> 01:19:06.320
You know, I want him to,

1727
01:19:06.320 --> 01:19:10.240
like it just texting all day just creates situationship.

1728
01:19:10.240 --> 01:19:11.120
It just does.

1729
01:19:11.120 --> 01:19:12.360
We don't want you guys.

1730
01:19:13.120 --> 01:19:15.800
We want you guys with somebody who's going to pursue you,

1731
01:19:15.800 --> 01:19:18.920
but not pursue you physically, pursue you.

1732
01:19:18.920 --> 01:19:20.760
All right, keep us posted.

1733
01:19:20.760 --> 01:19:22.400
Can I just say one more thing?

1734
01:19:22.400 --> 01:19:23.320
Oh yes, I'm sorry.

1735
01:19:23.320 --> 01:19:24.160
Go ahead.

1736
01:19:24.160 --> 01:19:25.480
Okay.

1737
01:19:25.480 --> 01:19:26.320
That's okay.

1738
01:19:26.320 --> 01:19:27.160
Thank you so much.

1739
01:19:27.160 --> 01:19:29.040
But yeah, I just wanted to say,

1740
01:19:29.040 --> 01:19:31.280
like, I don't know if there's like anything

1741
01:19:31.280 --> 01:19:33.560
you can say to it, but just for accountability,

1742
01:19:33.560 --> 01:19:36.800
like I'll tend to like collect, try to like,

1743
01:19:36.800 --> 01:19:38.320
I don't know, collect's the right word,

1744
01:19:38.320 --> 01:19:40.600
but like if I don't like someone enough to date them,

1745
01:19:40.600 --> 01:19:42.960
I'll be like, oh, but I can still have them in my life

1746
01:19:42.960 --> 01:19:44.640
in some capacity.

1747
01:19:44.640 --> 01:19:45.480
And that's like-

1748
01:19:45.480 --> 01:19:46.600
I forgot you said that.

1749
01:19:46.600 --> 01:19:48.840
I forgot that you said that part.

1750
01:19:48.840 --> 01:19:51.520
No, no.

1751
01:19:51.520 --> 01:19:54.440
We are not collecting buddies.

1752
01:19:56.040 --> 01:19:58.080
I know, I don't, I feel like,

1753
01:19:58.080 --> 01:20:00.200
I think part of me feels bad and like.

1754
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:05.960
Oh, like I can help them and it's never worked out in the past and I've gone down bad roads before and I don't want

1755
01:20:05.960 --> 01:20:07.960
To do it again

1756
01:20:08.720 --> 01:20:13.280
No, I'm so glad you brought that up Julie y'all you don't have time

1757
01:20:13.960 --> 01:20:18.520
To have pet projects. Okay. Remember Jackie's famous phrase

1758
01:20:19.520 --> 01:20:25.820
Fixer uppers are for houses not spouses not buddies not friends if you want to do anything kind

1759
01:20:26.540 --> 01:20:31.340
Recommend them to go to Jackie Dorman calm join the men's challenge join

1760
01:20:31.900 --> 01:20:38.160
1822 that's what you can offer them if you want if you feel bad for them or you don't like

1761
01:20:38.860 --> 01:20:46.420
Offer them. It's like hey, I'm gonna scrape you can say I'm in this great singles community you guys and you can say go to

1762
01:20:46.420 --> 01:20:50.140
Jackie Dorman calm. There's a button down there to the right for the men

1763
01:20:50.340 --> 01:20:53.380
There's a bunch of men you might really enjoy the community

1764
01:20:53.380 --> 01:20:59.540
If not, I wish you the very best you y'all we are too old. We don't have time to be babysitting little boys

1765
01:20:59.820 --> 01:21:06.460
No, but I'm so glad you brought that up because I forgot that you were willing to consider that as an option

1766
01:21:06.460 --> 01:21:10.100
He would not I yeah, I have a history of doing that and it's oh

1767
01:21:10.620 --> 01:21:15.580
Then we got a nip that in the bud. No, no, don't do it. But

1768
01:21:16.940 --> 01:21:21.820
You can send them. Okay. Yeah. All right. Sounds good. Thank you so much. Yeah, sweetie

1769
01:21:24.060 --> 01:21:25.340
You're up Sarah

1770
01:21:25.340 --> 01:21:29.860
So I was wondering when you were talking to Don about only texting for a week

1771
01:21:29.860 --> 01:21:36.380
Are you when you say texting does that mean messaging through like an app to or just on the phone?

1772
01:21:36.380 --> 01:21:42.300
Oh, that's a good question. Okay, so in the app. Yes, Jack and I recommend

1773
01:21:42.940 --> 01:21:48.820
one two weeks tops in the app and I kind of feel like by then you go to a video date and

1774
01:21:49.820 --> 01:21:56.820
By the video date I then I either then give them my cell phone number cuz I felt like okay

1775
01:21:56.820 --> 01:22:01.900
He's a normal human being like I find out what his last name is. I do a quick Google search

1776
01:22:01.900 --> 01:22:03.900
Make sure he's not a psychopath. I

1777
01:22:04.580 --> 01:22:06.580
Check him out on social media

1778
01:22:06.900 --> 01:22:09.740
Hopefully we're booking a live date by that point

1779
01:22:09.740 --> 01:22:14.260
We're done texting and I usually just said I usually just set the stage to say hey

1780
01:22:14.260 --> 01:22:18.660
I know we've been texting to me. I just so you know going forward

1781
01:22:18.660 --> 01:22:22.300
I don't like to text except for brief bits of information

1782
01:22:22.340 --> 01:22:28.180
It's okay to check in every now and then or I got home and you know, like whatever

1783
01:22:28.620 --> 01:22:31.820
But just know that that's not going to be the primary way

1784
01:22:31.820 --> 01:22:36.260
I want to be in conversation with you if we're gonna continue to get to know each other

1785
01:22:36.260 --> 01:22:41.100
My preference would be that we schedule time to talk to each other on the phone

1786
01:22:41.100 --> 01:22:47.420
We video chat and or see each other in person. I really want to keep texting to a minimum

1787
01:22:48.020 --> 01:22:49.540
So

1788
01:22:49.540 --> 01:22:52.660
Okay, like again like what just happened with Julie

1789
01:22:52.660 --> 01:22:58.980
So you guys have a date you exchange phone numbers, but then they go back to the texting thing. Oh, no

1790
01:22:59.540 --> 01:23:05.820
Be done with the texting thing now, but like I mean, I've got like some texts from Rick and that's fine

1791
01:23:05.820 --> 01:23:08.940
But usually it's like hey, which I am free to talk, you know

1792
01:23:08.940 --> 01:23:14.340
Literally a lot of times we'll both be like, hey, do you have time to talk right now or I'm not gonna be free

1793
01:23:14.340 --> 01:23:17.360
I'm in a meeting. I'm not gonna be free to talk until 630 tonight

1794
01:23:17.460 --> 01:23:20.980
Those are the kind of the text sometimes, you know, like hey Renee

1795
01:23:20.980 --> 01:23:24.980
I'm thinking about you now in the beginning when we were first kind of, you know getting together

1796
01:23:24.980 --> 01:23:29.400
I might get a text from in the morning saying hey, I had a great conversation with you last night

1797
01:23:29.500 --> 01:23:32.640
Hope you have a great day. I'm like, oh, I hope you have a great day, too

1798
01:23:32.640 --> 01:23:36.640
And then that would be it like we would text first thing in the morning

1799
01:23:37.020 --> 01:23:42.660
Wish them well on the day. Let them know we're thinking about him, but then we literally went off to our jobs

1800
01:23:43.620 --> 01:23:49.900
Me school and then we would reconvene like hey, what did you want to talk tonight? What time did you want to talk?

1801
01:23:50.740 --> 01:23:55.060
Because in the beginning we still didn't know what each other's schedule was

1802
01:23:55.220 --> 01:24:01.780
So he was polite enough to not just call me like he was like what's a good time for me to call you tonight?

1803
01:24:02.020 --> 01:24:04.820
Like cuz you're still got a little bit of formality now

1804
01:24:04.820 --> 01:24:08.500
He's starting to get the rhythm of my schedule like he knows I'm teaching you guys

1805
01:24:08.540 --> 01:24:13.780
So he knows I'm not gonna hear from Renee until she's done talking to the ladies and

1806
01:24:14.860 --> 01:24:18.340
So he knows I'm gonna call him after I get off the phone

1807
01:24:18.340 --> 01:24:21.060
He's not gonna try to call me while I'm in the middle of talking to y'all

1808
01:24:21.220 --> 01:24:27.860
So I think but this just me you guys might love texting. I'm 55. You might tell me I'm a dinosaur

1809
01:24:28.580 --> 01:24:33.100
But you guys I ran a clinic for 20 years and and I saw plenty of couples

1810
01:24:33.220 --> 01:24:37.900
who were hot messes because they did not know how to communicate face-to-face and

1811
01:24:38.500 --> 01:24:45.500
All they knew how to do is text each other. It does not create for a good relationship and or marriage. So we want you to

1812
01:24:46.340 --> 01:24:47.860
Move it along

1813
01:24:47.860 --> 01:24:49.100
Texas

1814
01:24:49.100 --> 01:24:51.100
Texas you need to hey

1815
01:24:51.900 --> 01:24:56.060
Supermarket, do you need anything? Those are those are appropriate text messages?

1816
01:24:57.100 --> 01:25:00.140
So my question that came up as Don was talking

1817
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:03.640
But so I'm just getting back into the dating app.

1818
01:25:03.640 --> 01:25:06.400
I've done the online dating and I've met people

1819
01:25:06.400 --> 01:25:07.520
and met some crazy people.

1820
01:25:07.520 --> 01:25:11.480
And honestly, I'm not entirely excited about it.

1821
01:25:11.480 --> 01:25:14.480
I mean, I am a little bit, but I'm like, eh.

1822
01:25:14.480 --> 01:25:18.280
But what do you do about the people that just say hello

1823
01:25:18.280 --> 01:25:19.440
and don't ask the question?

1824
01:25:19.440 --> 01:25:22.800
Am I rude if I just don't respond?

1825
01:25:22.800 --> 01:25:23.640
Yeah, okay.

1826
01:25:23.640 --> 01:25:28.320
So when I've got a lot of men that I'm talking to,

1827
01:25:28.400 --> 01:25:31.340
I don't respond to the, hey, hello.

1828
01:25:31.340 --> 01:25:34.640
If I'm completely bored and there's nobody on the horizon,

1829
01:25:34.640 --> 01:25:36.360
I might say, hey.

1830
01:25:36.360 --> 01:25:39.360
But then if they just do the, hey, good morning again,

1831
01:25:39.360 --> 01:25:41.040
you guys, I'm blunt.

1832
01:25:41.040 --> 01:25:43.660
I just go, hey, just so you know,

1833
01:25:43.660 --> 01:25:47.480
I'm not really into this good morning, good afternoon thing.

1834
01:25:47.480 --> 01:25:49.880
If you take a look at my profile,

1835
01:25:49.880 --> 01:25:51.960
if you wanna actually have a real conversation,

1836
01:25:51.960 --> 01:25:54.040
I'm totally down with that.

1837
01:25:54.040 --> 01:25:55.960
Otherwise, have a great day.

1838
01:25:55.960 --> 01:25:58.880
Like, and then I just nip it in the bud.

1839
01:25:58.880 --> 01:26:02.480
Now, because here's the reason why I don't,

1840
01:26:02.480 --> 01:26:04.120
I know there's plenty of women on here

1841
01:26:04.120 --> 01:26:08.360
who just bless and block and they just swipe on by.

1842
01:26:08.360 --> 01:26:11.800
Every now and then there's this sweet, nerdy, nice guy.

1843
01:26:11.800 --> 01:26:13.520
He got no game.

1844
01:26:13.520 --> 01:26:15.760
He don't know how to start the conversation.

1845
01:26:15.760 --> 01:26:17.480
He don't know what to say.

1846
01:26:17.480 --> 01:26:19.840
So he might need you to nudge it along.

1847
01:26:19.840 --> 01:26:22.520
So if I'm being kind, if I'm in a kind mood

1848
01:26:22.520 --> 01:26:23.800
and not a New York mood,

1849
01:26:23.800 --> 01:26:26.960
I might, I'm not dissing anybody from New York.

1850
01:26:26.960 --> 01:26:28.840
I might be like, hey, you know what?

1851
01:26:28.840 --> 01:26:30.440
Tell me a little bit more about yourself.

1852
01:26:30.440 --> 01:26:35.440
I noticed that you liked basketball.

1853
01:26:35.720 --> 01:26:37.760
I used to cheer, like something.

1854
01:26:37.760 --> 01:26:39.800
I would try to do something to,

1855
01:26:39.800 --> 01:26:42.400
like, I will say this, if I liked their profile

1856
01:26:42.400 --> 01:26:43.720
and I liked their photos

1857
01:26:43.720 --> 01:26:46.280
and I'm trying to give them a chance,

1858
01:26:46.280 --> 01:26:48.560
I will try to start the conversation.

1859
01:26:48.560 --> 01:26:51.400
Like, tell me a little bit more about you.

1860
01:26:51.400 --> 01:26:52.680
And then if they tell me,

1861
01:26:52.680 --> 01:26:54.080
but then they don't ask me anything,

1862
01:26:54.080 --> 01:26:55.160
then I'll say, well,

1863
01:26:55.160 --> 01:26:58.000
would you like to know anything about me?

1864
01:26:58.000 --> 01:27:00.400
And if they still don't take the bait,

1865
01:27:00.400 --> 01:27:04.000
then I'm like, okay, sister's working too hard here.

1866
01:27:04.000 --> 01:27:05.560
And just say, hey, you know what?

1867
01:27:05.560 --> 01:27:07.480
I'm sorry, I'm really trying hard,

1868
01:27:07.480 --> 01:27:10.000
but I can't lead this whole conversation.

1869
01:27:10.960 --> 01:27:12.560
And now some of them might go,

1870
01:27:12.560 --> 01:27:14.440
I just don't know what to type.

1871
01:27:14.440 --> 01:27:15.720
And then I say, well,

1872
01:27:15.720 --> 01:27:18.560
would you be more comfortable with a video chat?

1873
01:27:18.560 --> 01:27:20.800
And then it can be a normal conversation.

1874
01:27:20.800 --> 01:27:22.080
And sometimes they go, oh my gosh,

1875
01:27:22.480 --> 01:27:23.960
that would be so much easier.

1876
01:27:23.960 --> 01:27:27.800
So sometimes I've had very lovely video dates

1877
01:27:27.800 --> 01:27:30.560
with men that sucked at the first part of texting,

1878
01:27:30.560 --> 01:27:32.880
because they just didn't know what to do past hello.

1879
01:27:32.880 --> 01:27:33.920
It's so stupid.

1880
01:27:33.920 --> 01:27:35.160
Like, here's the dumb things they'll do.

1881
01:27:35.160 --> 01:27:37.440
Hello, how are you?

1882
01:27:37.440 --> 01:27:39.080
How's it going for you?

1883
01:27:39.080 --> 01:27:41.000
Are you meeting anybody interesting?

1884
01:27:41.000 --> 01:27:42.840
How long have you been doing this?

1885
01:27:42.840 --> 01:27:44.920
Because they don't know.

1886
01:27:44.920 --> 01:27:47.280
Like, they don't know that those are stupid questions.

1887
01:27:47.280 --> 01:27:49.880
They're not in Jackie's program, they don't know.

1888
01:27:49.880 --> 01:27:52.080
So if I've got patients in the time

1889
01:27:52.080 --> 01:27:53.400
and I thought they were really cute

1890
01:27:53.400 --> 01:27:55.560
and I thought they matched me a little bit,

1891
01:27:55.560 --> 01:27:57.000
I might help them along.

1892
01:27:57.000 --> 01:28:01.760
If they're like, if he was already kind of a maybe, no.

1893
01:28:01.760 --> 01:28:02.920
Okay.

1894
01:28:02.920 --> 01:28:05.000
And then in the dating 101,

1895
01:28:05.000 --> 01:28:07.040
Jackie mentioned there was a thing

1896
01:28:07.040 --> 01:28:08.800
where she had a post about somebody

1897
01:28:08.800 --> 01:28:10.960
that shared what they wrote on the Facebook,

1898
01:28:10.960 --> 01:28:13.520
like saying that they're confessing

1899
01:28:13.520 --> 01:28:14.480
that they want to get married.

1900
01:28:14.480 --> 01:28:16.800
Do you know where that's at?

1901
01:28:17.320 --> 01:28:18.960
I don't think you should be putting on your profile

1902
01:28:18.960 --> 01:28:20.640
that you want to get married.

1903
01:28:20.640 --> 01:28:21.480
Oh, okay.

1904
01:28:21.480 --> 01:28:23.280
Well, like it was saying, like saying for people

1905
01:28:23.280 --> 01:28:25.480
to like set you up, like to go on dates.

1906
01:28:25.480 --> 01:28:28.400
Oh, the post.

1907
01:28:28.400 --> 01:28:30.960
Well, we've all written different things.

1908
01:28:31.800 --> 01:28:35.520
And so you want to write, I don't know where she's talked.

1909
01:28:35.520 --> 01:28:38.400
I don't know that we have a post actually saved sometimes.

1910
01:28:38.400 --> 01:28:40.200
Okay, she just said she would share it somewhere

1911
01:28:40.200 --> 01:28:41.040
and maybe she didn't.

1912
01:28:41.040 --> 01:28:42.080
Yeah, bless her heart.

1913
01:28:42.080 --> 01:28:45.520
I mean, I'm really not sure.

1914
01:28:46.360 --> 01:28:49.960
I'm sure she thinks it's somewhere and it might be,

1915
01:28:49.960 --> 01:28:51.520
I have no idea where it is.

1916
01:28:51.520 --> 01:28:54.600
So it usually goes something like this.

1917
01:28:55.760 --> 01:28:58.920
Hey, you guys, I'm super excited

1918
01:28:58.920 --> 01:29:02.760
that I'm in the middle of this program

1919
01:29:02.760 --> 01:29:05.720
and I had this really amazing relationship coach

1920
01:29:05.720 --> 01:29:10.440
and we've been doing some healing and activation.

1921
01:29:10.440 --> 01:29:14.880
And she reminded us that we need to let people know

1922
01:29:14.880 --> 01:29:15.800
where we're at.

1923
01:29:15.800 --> 01:29:18.840
And so I'm super excited about my life.

1924
01:29:18.840 --> 01:29:20.680
I love everything that I'm doing,

1925
01:29:20.680 --> 01:29:21.920
but some of you may not know

1926
01:29:21.920 --> 01:29:25.400
that I am looking to date quality people

1927
01:29:25.400 --> 01:29:26.880
and just get to know them.

1928
01:29:26.880 --> 01:29:28.480
Low stakes dating.

1929
01:29:28.480 --> 01:29:31.440
If you guys know anybody who's single,

1930
01:29:31.440 --> 01:29:34.160
but you're not sure that you think he might be a good match,

1931
01:29:34.160 --> 01:29:36.960
feel free to pass along my name and my phone number

1932
01:29:36.960 --> 01:29:39.120
or my contact information.

1933
01:29:39.120 --> 01:29:41.040
You don't even have to make the introductions.

1934
01:29:41.040 --> 01:29:43.400
You can just have a message me directly.

1935
01:29:43.400 --> 01:29:45.360
This is just totally low key.

1936
01:29:45.360 --> 01:29:46.200
You never know.

1937
01:29:46.200 --> 01:29:48.320
He might be somebody I would like to get to know

1938
01:29:48.320 --> 01:29:50.200
or he might know somebody.

1939
01:29:50.200 --> 01:29:52.840
Okay, so low stakes, don't mention marriage.

1940
01:29:53.800 --> 01:29:54.800
No.

1941
01:29:54.800 --> 01:29:55.640
Okay.

1942
01:29:55.640 --> 01:29:56.480
Well.

1943
01:29:57.880 --> 01:30:00.080
Well, people that know me know that.

1944
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:03.240
I have that desire, so I'm like, most of the people know.

1945
01:30:03.240 --> 01:30:08.400
I'm looking to meet, I'm looking to meet men and get to know them.

1946
01:30:08.400 --> 01:30:12.000
I'm looking to meet men and get to know them.

1947
01:30:12.000 --> 01:30:16.800
I think the people who know you, Sarah, are going to know you're looking for a quality

1948
01:30:16.800 --> 01:30:17.800
man.

1949
01:30:17.800 --> 01:30:18.800
So they're going to pick up the cue.

1950
01:30:18.800 --> 01:30:19.800
Sure.

1951
01:30:19.800 --> 01:30:26.000
Now, y'all, if you feel, if you feel the Lord telling you to be so bold as to say, I'm looking

1952
01:30:26.000 --> 01:30:29.920
to get married, then have at it.

1953
01:30:29.920 --> 01:30:34.400
Like, I personally did not do that.

1954
01:30:34.400 --> 01:30:38.920
I basically just said something like, hey, you guys, I'm so excited that I'm working

1955
01:30:38.920 --> 01:30:42.600
with a relationship coach and with a team of women.

1956
01:30:42.600 --> 01:30:44.360
We're having a great time.

1957
01:30:44.360 --> 01:30:46.920
And we've been issued a challenge.

1958
01:30:46.920 --> 01:30:50.300
We've been issued a challenge to put ourselves out there.

1959
01:30:50.300 --> 01:30:52.560
So I'm putting myself out there.

1960
01:30:52.560 --> 01:30:56.920
If you're seeing this post, and you know anybody who might be single who's willing

1961
01:30:56.920 --> 01:31:01.120
to get to know me just a little bit, I'd love for you to coordinate that happening.

1962
01:31:01.120 --> 01:31:02.120
Okay.

1963
01:31:02.120 --> 01:31:04.440
Does that kind of help give you the...

1964
01:31:04.440 --> 01:31:05.920
No, that's great.

1965
01:31:05.920 --> 01:31:06.920
Thank you.

1966
01:31:06.920 --> 01:31:09.080
You bet, sweetie.

1967
01:31:09.080 --> 01:31:10.080
Christina B.

1968
01:31:10.080 --> 01:31:17.840
Can you hear me now?

1969
01:31:17.840 --> 01:31:19.040
I can now.

1970
01:31:19.040 --> 01:31:20.040
Hi.

1971
01:31:20.280 --> 01:31:24.520
So I made a post, and then you guys responded, and it's kind of a follow-up.

1972
01:31:24.520 --> 01:31:28.640
So I had a coffee date this morning with a guy.

1973
01:31:28.640 --> 01:31:29.640
It went pretty well.

1974
01:31:29.640 --> 01:31:36.240
He actually just called me while I was on this Zoom call, but I'm also talking to that

1975
01:31:36.240 --> 01:31:44.480
other guy who's long distance, as in like a couple of states away.

1976
01:31:44.480 --> 01:31:48.040
I just kind of confused, oh, sorry, my dog jumped on me.

1977
01:31:48.040 --> 01:31:54.120
I'm just kind of confused and not used to like dating multiple men at the same time.

1978
01:31:54.120 --> 01:31:57.200
So it just almost feels like weird or wrong.

1979
01:31:57.200 --> 01:31:58.200
Okay.

1980
01:31:58.200 --> 01:32:03.400
So remember, you're technically just getting to know these guys.

1981
01:32:03.400 --> 01:32:06.840
Have you been on a live date with either one of them?

1982
01:32:06.840 --> 01:32:07.840
Remind me.

1983
01:32:07.840 --> 01:32:08.840
Yes.

1984
01:32:08.840 --> 01:32:14.000
I went out with a live date this morning with a fire captain, but he said something that

1985
01:32:14.000 --> 01:32:18.040
kind of bothered me, like kind of rubbed me the wrong way.

1986
01:32:18.040 --> 01:32:20.480
He's a fire captain, so they've got quirky things.

1987
01:32:20.480 --> 01:32:21.480
Okay.

1988
01:32:21.480 --> 01:32:22.480
Yeah.

1989
01:32:22.480 --> 01:32:26.400
But like prior to us meeting, he had like messaged me and said like, oh, what are you

1990
01:32:26.400 --> 01:32:29.960
doing today besides, what is the word he used?

1991
01:32:29.960 --> 01:32:35.640
He said, juggling men on the dating app is what he said, and I just kind of like responded

1992
01:32:35.640 --> 01:32:36.640
like jokingly.

1993
01:32:36.640 --> 01:32:41.360
I said, I'm just juggling and doing laundry, and then he was like, ha, ha, ha.

1994
01:32:41.360 --> 01:32:47.400
So I don't know, I just felt that was kind of like an immature, inappropriate thing to

1995
01:32:47.400 --> 01:32:48.400
say.

1996
01:32:48.400 --> 01:32:49.400
And it could have been.

1997
01:32:49.400 --> 01:32:55.520
So here's the thing, you guys, before Jackie's program, it would have never crossed my mind

1998
01:32:55.520 --> 01:32:58.840
to date more than one person at the same exact time.

1999
01:32:58.840 --> 01:33:07.080
I want to say Dr. Cloud, Henry Cloud references it in his book, what's his book on dating?

2000
01:33:07.080 --> 01:33:08.080
Boundaries and Dating.

2001
01:33:08.080 --> 01:33:09.080
Boundaries and Dating?

2002
01:33:09.080 --> 01:33:10.080
How to Find a Date.

2003
01:33:10.080 --> 01:33:11.080
Yeah, that's it.

2004
01:33:11.800 --> 01:33:13.400
How to Get a Date Worth Keeping.

2005
01:33:13.400 --> 01:33:18.280
He actually talks about exactly what Jackie talks about, which is meet as many people

2006
01:33:18.280 --> 01:33:22.120
as you can and go on as many first dates as you possibly can.

2007
01:33:22.120 --> 01:33:31.520
Now I will say this, as somebody who's tried to do it, I personally could not go past date

2008
01:33:31.520 --> 01:33:35.460
number four and keep dating other people.

2009
01:33:35.460 --> 01:33:43.620
If I'm going on date number five with a guy, I am probably internally pressing pause, because

2010
01:33:43.620 --> 01:33:47.340
for me, that does start to feel a little clunky and weird.

2011
01:33:47.340 --> 01:33:51.100
Now there are plenty of people in the community, and Jackie might even tell you, date this

2012
01:33:51.100 --> 01:33:55.260
guy six or seven times, date this guy six or seven times, and this guy.

2013
01:33:55.260 --> 01:33:57.840
And if you can do that, do it.

2014
01:33:57.840 --> 01:34:01.180
Just don't be making out with all of them, because that's going to mess you up.

2015
01:34:01.180 --> 01:34:02.180
You can do it.

2016
01:34:02.260 --> 01:34:08.700
But if it feels really uncomfortable for you, don't feel like you have to do it either.

2017
01:34:08.700 --> 01:34:12.940
You want to keep your options open, and we just don't want you guys getting sucked into

2018
01:34:12.940 --> 01:34:13.940
like one person.

2019
01:34:13.940 --> 01:34:22.300
Like, now, so all that to say, if you and I didn't know this, if men aren't going through

2020
01:34:22.300 --> 01:34:25.380
her program, they don't know that.

2021
01:34:25.380 --> 01:34:29.100
And you know, like the guy that I'm dating, he's 62.

2022
01:34:29.100 --> 01:34:31.860
Like I'm 55, he's 62.

2023
01:34:31.860 --> 01:34:35.020
He's always only dated one person at a time.

2024
01:34:35.020 --> 01:34:39.260
And so this time, because he's not had a good picker, his friends, all his married friends

2025
01:34:39.260 --> 01:34:42.860
said, date multiple people, like this whole thing.

2026
01:34:42.860 --> 01:34:45.380
And so like I was date number 10.

2027
01:34:45.380 --> 01:34:49.340
And like by the third date, he was like, I don't want to talk to anybody else.

2028
01:34:49.340 --> 01:34:52.100
And I was like, well, I don't want to talk to anybody else either.

2029
01:34:52.100 --> 01:34:56.380
Now did I think we were like declared like this exclusive I love you stage?

2030
01:34:56.380 --> 01:34:59.940
No, we just both were like, I don't want to juggle anymore.

2031
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:02.320
I want to just focus on you."

2032
01:35:02.320 --> 01:35:07.240
And so he may have been making that comment, A, to feel you out, C, how many other men

2033
01:35:07.240 --> 01:35:08.400
you're talking to.

2034
01:35:08.400 --> 01:35:10.880
So I think you handled it great.

2035
01:35:10.880 --> 01:35:17.000
And so, yeah, I mean, it's a sideways way to find out.

2036
01:35:17.000 --> 01:35:21.000
And at some point you can be completely honest, like, you know what, right now I'm just getting

2037
01:35:21.000 --> 01:35:23.080
to know people.

2038
01:35:23.080 --> 01:35:28.200
Getting to know people sounds softer than I'm dating multiple people at the same time.

2039
01:35:28.200 --> 01:35:32.820
Like when I think of dating multiple people at the same time, I'm thinking romantically

2040
01:35:32.820 --> 01:35:34.580
dating other people at the same time.

2041
01:35:34.580 --> 01:35:38.940
Like you guys remember the Diane Keaton movie with, what's her name?

2042
01:35:38.940 --> 01:35:39.940
She's adorable.

2043
01:35:39.940 --> 01:35:43.500
Mandy Moore, because I said so.

2044
01:35:43.500 --> 01:35:47.980
She was seriously dating two different men.

2045
01:35:47.980 --> 01:35:49.700
That's like a no-no.

2046
01:35:49.700 --> 01:35:53.720
We don't want you like hardcore dating multiple men.

2047
01:35:53.720 --> 01:35:57.220
We do want you to discovery date, get to know people.

2048
01:35:57.240 --> 01:36:02.960
You may land on one guy sooner, but you want to make sure you're doing it based on multiple

2049
01:36:02.960 --> 01:36:07.880
dates and not based on multiple phone calls and texting.

2050
01:36:07.880 --> 01:36:11.400
So I feel like more drawn to the guy that lives out of state.

2051
01:36:11.400 --> 01:36:13.080
I feel like we have more in common.

2052
01:36:13.080 --> 01:36:18.400
He like seems to have a, well, we've talked more about like God or religion versus the

2053
01:36:18.400 --> 01:36:20.080
other one that we haven't.

2054
01:36:20.080 --> 01:36:25.520
So I'm just more drawn to that because, you know, he likes.

2055
01:36:25.520 --> 01:36:28.500
How many video dates have you done with the long distance guy?

2056
01:36:28.500 --> 01:36:29.500
Just one.

2057
01:36:29.500 --> 01:36:30.500
Okay.

2058
01:36:30.500 --> 01:36:31.500
So do you have an X one booked?

2059
01:36:31.500 --> 01:36:32.500
No.

2060
01:36:32.500 --> 01:36:33.500
Okay.

2061
01:36:33.500 --> 01:36:35.980
So did you let him know that you're hoping to see it?

2062
01:36:35.980 --> 01:36:36.980
Talk to him again?

2063
01:36:36.980 --> 01:36:37.980
Yeah.

2064
01:36:37.980 --> 01:36:41.220
Because he had said, when are you going to come out here?

2065
01:36:41.220 --> 01:36:44.800
Cause we talked about me going out to North Carolina and he's like, when are you going

2066
01:36:44.800 --> 01:36:45.800
to come out here?

2067
01:36:45.800 --> 01:36:47.900
And I was like, you're the one that said that.

2068
01:36:47.900 --> 01:36:48.900
Okay.

2069
01:36:48.900 --> 01:36:49.900
I do.

2070
01:36:49.900 --> 01:36:50.900
I do.

2071
01:36:50.900 --> 01:36:51.900
Yeah.

2072
01:36:51.900 --> 01:36:54.620
You just, you just, and you can be completely blunt with him.

2073
01:36:54.720 --> 01:36:55.980
Like, Hey, you know what?

2074
01:36:55.980 --> 01:36:57.960
You can even just say, you know what?

2075
01:36:57.960 --> 01:37:02.280
I'm working with a relationship coach or I'm in a, you know, I'm in a group with women

2076
01:37:02.280 --> 01:37:08.080
and you know, Jackie's really encouraging us to, you know, get at least like three or

2077
01:37:08.080 --> 01:37:11.060
four video dates under our belt.

2078
01:37:11.060 --> 01:37:16.600
And I told him that yesterday I told him, I said, I would prefer to get to know you

2079
01:37:16.600 --> 01:37:18.800
a little more on FaceTime before I fly out there.

2080
01:37:18.800 --> 01:37:22.200
I said, that's kind of a big deal to fly across the country to meet somebody that I don't

2081
01:37:22.200 --> 01:37:23.360
really know that well.

2082
01:37:23.360 --> 01:37:25.340
And he said, yeah, I understand.

2083
01:37:25.340 --> 01:37:27.020
And then nothing got booked.

2084
01:37:27.020 --> 01:37:30.180
So I'm kind of just waiting, I guess, for him.

2085
01:37:30.180 --> 01:37:36.100
Well, and that will show you, I will say this too, that will show you how good of a gentleman

2086
01:37:36.100 --> 01:37:37.100
he is.

2087
01:37:37.100 --> 01:37:42.460
Why does he want you to come to him first as opposed to him coming to you?

2088
01:37:42.460 --> 01:37:47.100
There's just a lot more to do out in his area.

2089
01:37:47.100 --> 01:37:49.860
Was he going to offer to pay for you to come out there?

2090
01:37:49.860 --> 01:37:50.860
Yeah.

2091
01:37:51.200 --> 01:37:53.800
So he was going to buy your plane ticket for you.

2092
01:37:53.800 --> 01:37:54.800
Okay.

2093
01:37:54.800 --> 01:37:56.960
And you feel good about that?

2094
01:37:56.960 --> 01:37:59.200
Do you have friends out in that direction?

2095
01:37:59.200 --> 01:38:01.360
I have a friend that lives in Tennessee.

2096
01:38:01.360 --> 01:38:03.800
She said it's a few hours away.

2097
01:38:03.800 --> 01:38:04.800
Where is he?

2098
01:38:04.800 --> 01:38:06.280
North Carolina.

2099
01:38:06.280 --> 01:38:10.220
I think like Charlotte or something.

2100
01:38:10.220 --> 01:38:11.220
I don't know.

2101
01:38:11.220 --> 01:38:12.220
North Carolina.

2102
01:38:12.220 --> 01:38:15.520
Well, Charlotte in North Carolina is a lot further away than three hours from Tennessee,

2103
01:38:15.520 --> 01:38:17.880
but I mean, yeah.

2104
01:38:17.880 --> 01:38:20.460
Just make sure, well, there's a lot of sister squad.

2105
01:38:20.460 --> 01:38:24.220
We have a single sitting North Carolina Raleigh.

2106
01:38:24.220 --> 01:38:30.660
So make sure that you've got chickie poos that you can hang out with like on our team

2107
01:38:30.660 --> 01:38:33.180
so that you're not with him 24 seven.

2108
01:38:33.180 --> 01:38:38.220
So when we do long distance, we do encourage you to not book 12 straight hours with somebody.

2109
01:38:38.220 --> 01:38:43.540
If you want to make sure you have other things to do and another place to stay.

2110
01:38:43.540 --> 01:38:49.360
But if he blows you off, Christina, and he doesn't book those video dates, he's not a

2111
01:38:49.360 --> 01:38:58.760
good guy because if he wanted you to fly out there after one video date, which already

2112
01:38:58.760 --> 01:39:04.520
puts you like, yes, he's going to pay for, but that puts you on his turf.

2113
01:39:04.520 --> 01:39:05.520
You know what I mean?

2114
01:39:05.520 --> 01:39:06.520
Yeah.

2115
01:39:06.520 --> 01:39:08.840
And it's a little not safe for you to do that.

2116
01:39:08.840 --> 01:39:11.960
And so you want to make sure you get to know him a little bit better.

2117
01:39:11.960 --> 01:39:19.140
So I'll be praying for you that he books those next dates and he intentionally pursues

2118
01:39:19.140 --> 01:39:24.260
you because that you will want you to get those under your belt.

2119
01:39:24.260 --> 01:39:25.260
Yeah.

2120
01:39:25.260 --> 01:39:26.260
Okay.

2121
01:39:26.260 --> 01:39:29.700
Well, those all sound interesting.

2122
01:39:29.700 --> 01:39:30.700
Keep us posted.

2123
01:39:30.700 --> 01:39:31.700
I will.

2124
01:39:31.700 --> 01:39:36.660
But this is a good reason why you're talking to a couple people because you're not sure

2125
01:39:36.660 --> 01:39:40.740
which like it could be both of them or it.

2126
01:39:40.740 --> 01:39:45.960
And the truth is you might not know which one you really like until you meet the other

2127
01:39:45.960 --> 01:39:47.280
guy in person too.

2128
01:39:47.280 --> 01:39:48.280
Yeah.

2129
01:39:48.280 --> 01:39:49.280
Yeah.

2130
01:39:49.280 --> 01:39:50.280
Perfect.

2131
01:39:50.280 --> 01:39:51.280
Well, thanks for sharing that.

2132
01:39:51.280 --> 01:39:52.280
I appreciate it.

2133
01:39:52.280 --> 01:39:53.280
Thank you.

2134
01:39:53.280 --> 01:39:56.280
Try to read all your posts and keep up with who's saying what.

2135
01:39:56.280 --> 01:39:56.880
Rachel.

2136
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:10.920
Hi, so, um, I had a just a general question about the, the Facebook is the face one, still

2137
01:40:10.920 --> 01:40:16.640
the same is the same place where I'm, or does it change?

2138
01:40:16.640 --> 01:40:19.920
Okay, so you're in phase two right now, right?

2139
01:40:19.920 --> 01:40:20.920
Yeah.

2140
01:40:20.920 --> 01:40:29.320
But, um, I just started today, phase two, well, this is my first call, but I'm still

2141
01:40:29.320 --> 01:40:35.760
on Facebook is still phase one, the last year single phase one, or is it a different?

2142
01:40:35.760 --> 01:40:39.760
Oh, you need to, how did you get here tonight?

2143
01:40:39.760 --> 01:40:40.760
How did you get here?

2144
01:40:40.760 --> 01:40:46.800
They had sent me the email and you know, so I got the information and I was able to, uh,

2145
01:40:46.800 --> 01:40:53.040
when I logged in, it's on my, it's on my, um, you know, when I logged in into, into

2146
01:40:53.040 --> 01:40:59.120
the Jackie Dorman website, everything is there for it is, but I am not, I'm still on phase

2147
01:40:59.120 --> 01:41:00.920
one on Facebook.

2148
01:41:00.920 --> 01:41:01.920
I don't, I don't.

2149
01:41:01.920 --> 01:41:02.920
Okay.

2150
01:41:02.920 --> 01:41:06.240
What you need to do, you need to email me tomorrow and I'm going to send you the link

2151
01:41:06.240 --> 01:41:07.800
for phase two.

2152
01:41:07.800 --> 01:41:11.440
And then once you're in phase two, you need to leave phase one.

2153
01:41:11.440 --> 01:41:18.440
So you're going to email, I'm going to put it in their email at Jackie Dorman.com.

2154
01:41:18.440 --> 01:41:20.140
I'm going to send you the link.

2155
01:41:20.140 --> 01:41:24.920
So that tells me if you didn't get the email when you watched the last video, here's what's

2156
01:41:24.920 --> 01:41:25.920
supposed to happen.

2157
01:41:25.920 --> 01:41:32.600
Guys, if you signed up correctly, which 60% of you did not, if you did not get an email

2158
01:41:32.600 --> 01:41:37.720
that said, welcome to phase one, Facebook, here's the link.

2159
01:41:37.720 --> 01:41:41.320
And I had to help you get in there and you didn't change your settings.

2160
01:41:41.320 --> 01:41:47.920
Um, you know what I'm going to show you right now, cause it's going to bug me now.

2161
01:41:47.920 --> 01:41:50.360
I don't have time to show you because it's getting late.

2162
01:41:50.360 --> 01:41:54.820
Um, in the Jack and Dorman portal, um, you have to make sure your settings are set to

2163
01:41:54.820 --> 01:41:55.820
get emails from us.

2164
01:41:56.720 --> 01:42:00.080
So what's supposed to happen when you finish phase, you watch the last video in phase one,

2165
01:42:00.080 --> 01:42:04.560
the last video in phase two, it's supposed to trigger an email that says, Hey, you finished

2166
01:42:04.560 --> 01:42:05.680
the program.

2167
01:42:05.680 --> 01:42:06.920
You're ready to go to the next phase.

2168
01:42:06.920 --> 01:42:08.880
Now, some of you aren't really ready to go.

2169
01:42:08.880 --> 01:42:11.160
You're like, I'm not ready to go.

2170
01:42:11.160 --> 01:42:15.600
But in that email, it does have the Facebook link to the next one.

2171
01:42:15.600 --> 01:42:18.640
You don't have to leave the second you get that email.

2172
01:42:18.640 --> 01:42:22.240
But if you don't get that email, kind of like where you're at, Rachel, you're like, Oh,

2173
01:42:22.240 --> 01:42:23.240
you know what?

2174
01:42:23.240 --> 01:42:24.240
I see it.

2175
01:42:24.240 --> 01:42:25.240
I see it on the email.

2176
01:42:25.660 --> 01:42:29.500
It says click here for face to Facebook group.

2177
01:42:29.500 --> 01:42:31.580
I guess I didn't read the whole thing.

2178
01:42:31.580 --> 01:42:32.580
Yeah.

2179
01:42:32.580 --> 01:42:33.580
Awesome.

2180
01:42:33.580 --> 01:42:34.580
Yeah.

2181
01:42:34.580 --> 01:42:35.580
So what do you think?

2182
01:42:35.580 --> 01:42:38.740
Well, I'm glad you showed up tonight and you saw the portal.

2183
01:42:38.740 --> 01:42:44.540
You use the portal correctly, but yes, you're going to, they're going to ask you three questions,

2184
01:42:44.540 --> 01:42:50.780
answer the three questions and then take yourself out of phase one or else it's going to confuse

2185
01:42:50.780 --> 01:42:51.780
you.

2186
01:42:51.780 --> 01:42:52.780
Okay.

2187
01:42:52.780 --> 01:43:05.820
And then, um, so I saw the, I saw the, the welcome, the welcome, the first video and,

2188
01:43:05.820 --> 01:43:08.980
and uh, uh, one on one, I think.

2189
01:43:08.980 --> 01:43:09.980
Yeah.

2190
01:43:09.980 --> 01:43:14.700
So I saw those two and I know I have to stop there for the week.

2191
01:43:14.700 --> 01:43:19.100
Um, you're so, but this is very scary.

2192
01:43:19.100 --> 01:43:25.060
Go at your own pace girl, go at your own pace.

2193
01:43:25.060 --> 01:43:28.420
There's no, you know, there's no speed here.

2194
01:43:28.420 --> 01:43:33.740
Um, I will only kick you out if it's been three months and I needed you to move on all

2195
01:43:33.740 --> 01:43:35.300
over to phase three.

2196
01:43:35.300 --> 01:43:36.300
I'm kidding.

2197
01:43:36.300 --> 01:43:38.300
Um, I love you guys.

2198
01:43:38.300 --> 01:43:40.460
Um, you guys are going to be great.

2199
01:43:40.460 --> 01:43:43.940
So Rachel, just the good news is you're listening to everybody else.

2200
01:43:43.940 --> 01:43:47.140
You're watching the videos and you're just going to dabble at your own pace.

2201
01:43:47.140 --> 01:43:48.140
It's okay.

2202
01:43:48.180 --> 01:43:49.180
It's okay.

2203
01:43:49.180 --> 01:43:50.180
It's really okay.

2204
01:43:50.180 --> 01:43:51.340
So we don't want you to be afraid.

2205
01:43:51.340 --> 01:43:53.340
And you guys, you're God defended.

2206
01:43:53.340 --> 01:43:56.140
You have to like, you're like, what does that even mean?

2207
01:43:56.140 --> 01:44:00.220
It means God's going to protect you now in his supernatural way because you're just going

2208
01:44:00.220 --> 01:44:01.960
to say, I'm God defended.

2209
01:44:01.960 --> 01:44:05.820
So every time you get ghosted by some Yahoo, God defended.

2210
01:44:05.820 --> 01:44:10.640
Every time you think you have a great first day and then he kind of fizzles off, God defended.

2211
01:44:10.640 --> 01:44:14.740
If he acts inappropriate on the first day and he tries to like put his hand on your

2212
01:44:14.740 --> 01:44:16.940
hiney, God defended.

2213
01:44:16.940 --> 01:44:23.540
Because now you know, like honestly, the faster men show their cards, the better, right?

2214
01:44:23.540 --> 01:44:24.860
We don't have time to waste.

2215
01:44:24.860 --> 01:44:27.340
We're, we're, you know, we don't have time to waste.

2216
01:44:27.340 --> 01:44:31.620
And so we want the ding dongs to show, reveal themselves fast.

2217
01:44:31.620 --> 01:44:34.700
Um, and we don't want to get beat up over it.

2218
01:44:34.700 --> 01:44:41.740
The biggest thing I can tell you guys to do is have thick skin to not take anything personal

2219
01:44:41.740 --> 01:44:44.460
when you are getting to know people in level two.

2220
01:44:44.460 --> 01:44:48.660
Now when somebody breaks your heart in level three, after they've decided to be exclusive

2221
01:44:48.660 --> 01:44:54.180
with you and then the relationship fails, like we can cry about that, but I don't want

2222
01:44:54.180 --> 01:44:56.460
any of you crying at level one.

2223
01:44:56.460 --> 01:45:00.060
So level one is you guys just texting or calling.

2224
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:01.360
calling on the phone.

2225
01:45:01.360 --> 01:45:05.080
It is not level two dating until your first live date.

2226
01:45:05.080 --> 01:45:06.840
That's what Jackie would say, right?

2227
01:45:06.840 --> 01:45:07.980
Even long distance.

2228
01:45:07.980 --> 01:45:10.560
Right now you're having some video dates,

2229
01:45:10.560 --> 01:45:11.640
but you're still like,

2230
01:45:11.640 --> 01:45:13.480
and maybe it's different for a long distance

2231
01:45:13.480 --> 01:45:15.640
because those actually turn into real dates,

2232
01:45:15.640 --> 01:45:17.940
especially if it's been like five or six weeks,

2233
01:45:17.940 --> 01:45:19.840
you're officially kind of dating.

2234
01:45:19.840 --> 01:45:22.960
It's just online dating, but it's not live dating yet.

2235
01:45:23.900 --> 01:45:27.260
But really those first few video calls,

2236
01:45:27.260 --> 01:45:29.080
first few text messages,

2237
01:45:29.080 --> 01:45:31.860
that's just level one, getting to know somebody.

2238
01:45:31.860 --> 01:45:35.180
Level two, you're starting to have real dates with them.

2239
01:45:35.180 --> 01:45:38.020
And then obviously if you string enough live dates

2240
01:45:38.020 --> 01:45:38.860
with somebody,

2241
01:45:38.860 --> 01:45:41.540
they might decide they want to be exclusive with you.

2242
01:45:41.540 --> 01:45:43.700
Up until that exclusive stage,

2243
01:45:43.700 --> 01:45:46.300
please take nothing personal.

2244
01:45:46.300 --> 01:45:49.380
If they blow you off, ghost you.

2245
01:45:49.380 --> 01:45:53.020
This phrase that somebody said helped me so much.

2246
01:45:53.020 --> 01:45:54.980
He might really like you,

2247
01:45:54.980 --> 01:45:57.500
he just might not like you enough.

2248
01:45:57.500 --> 01:45:59.720
Or he likes somebody else more,

2249
01:45:59.720 --> 01:46:01.760
or he likes his money more,

2250
01:46:01.760 --> 01:46:04.720
or he likes sex outside of marriage more.

2251
01:46:04.720 --> 01:46:09.720
We don't know what might stop him from talking to you.

2252
01:46:09.820 --> 01:46:10.920
So he might like you.

2253
01:46:10.920 --> 01:46:11.960
Why doesn't he like me?

2254
01:46:11.960 --> 01:46:15.320
He might, he just might not like you enough.

2255
01:46:15.320 --> 01:46:18.760
And if he doesn't like you enough, he's not your guy.

2256
01:46:18.760 --> 01:46:21.160
We want you guys to be with a mature,

2257
01:46:21.160 --> 01:46:25.480
masculine, marriage-minded, godly man who is pursuing you.

2258
01:46:25.480 --> 01:46:27.240
Jackie said the best phrase.

2259
01:46:27.980 --> 01:46:29.300
She said, if a man likes you,

2260
01:46:29.300 --> 01:46:32.540
he will cut off his arm and use it as a oar

2261
01:46:32.540 --> 01:46:34.380
to come after you.

2262
01:46:34.380 --> 01:46:37.100
That's what a man will do if he likes you, right?

2263
01:46:37.100 --> 01:46:39.180
That image is hilarious.

2264
01:46:39.180 --> 01:46:41.100
But that is what a man will do

2265
01:46:41.100 --> 01:46:43.060
if he's looking to pursue you.

2266
01:46:44.420 --> 01:46:47.860
Okay, let me check through the comments to make sure,

2267
01:46:47.860 --> 01:46:48.820
because I think I saw somebody

2268
01:46:48.820 --> 01:46:51.260
have a really good question in here.

2269
01:46:51.260 --> 01:46:53.100
And I want to make sure.

2270
01:46:53.100 --> 01:46:55.260
What are some of the things we should not mention

2271
01:46:55.260 --> 01:46:56.180
on the first two dates?

2272
01:46:56.200 --> 01:46:59.120
Because I share a lot coming from a recovery background.

2273
01:46:59.120 --> 01:47:02.760
Yeah, okay, Dawn, thank you for asking that

2274
01:47:02.760 --> 01:47:06.560
because I have also been in 12-step,

2275
01:47:06.560 --> 01:47:08.320
I've been in Celebrate Recovery.

2276
01:47:08.320 --> 01:47:11.480
And so in Celebrate Recovery, in a 12-step meeting,

2277
01:47:11.480 --> 01:47:14.400
you will vomit your entire life to a complete stranger.

2278
01:47:14.400 --> 01:47:15.560
That's what you do.

2279
01:47:15.560 --> 01:47:20.200
I had a video date with a man who came from a 12-step world.

2280
01:47:20.200 --> 01:47:22.120
So he let me know on the first video date.

2281
01:47:22.120 --> 01:47:23.340
Now, you know how Jackie says

2282
01:47:23.340 --> 01:47:25.300
we're not supposed to get serious?

2283
01:47:25.320 --> 01:47:28.900
But like, sometimes people vomit so fast,

2284
01:47:28.900 --> 01:47:29.960
you can't even stop them.

2285
01:47:29.960 --> 01:47:31.440
And then you just want to grab popcorn

2286
01:47:31.440 --> 01:47:32.880
because now it's just crazy.

2287
01:47:32.880 --> 01:47:34.520
So now you just want to listen to the crazy.

2288
01:47:34.520 --> 01:47:37.000
You're like, I gotta see how crazy this is gonna get.

2289
01:47:37.000 --> 01:47:39.780
And this one guy let me know,

2290
01:47:39.780 --> 01:47:42.220
like, he'd been an alcoholic.

2291
01:47:42.220 --> 01:47:45.020
He basically relapsed 30 times.

2292
01:47:45.020 --> 01:47:48.240
He lived homeless under the bridge in Nashville.

2293
01:47:48.240 --> 01:47:51.460
Like, it was just so much information.

2294
01:47:52.880 --> 01:47:53.720
And I was like,

2295
01:47:53.720 --> 01:47:56.220
I don't think you're supposed to be telling me all of this.

2296
01:47:56.220 --> 01:47:57.060
He goes, really?

2297
01:47:57.060 --> 01:47:58.560
Because we do this in 12-step meetings.

2298
01:47:58.560 --> 01:48:00.100
I'm like, yeah, no, don't do that.

2299
01:48:00.100 --> 01:48:03.280
So I always try to say, people,

2300
01:48:03.280 --> 01:48:05.360
don't reveal on video dates

2301
01:48:05.360 --> 01:48:09.280
anything you wouldn't want the general population to know.

2302
01:48:09.280 --> 01:48:10.800
And here's how you know

2303
01:48:10.800 --> 01:48:13.500
when it's too much information for a first date.

2304
01:48:13.500 --> 01:48:17.120
You don't want to give intimate details about your past.

2305
01:48:17.120 --> 01:48:18.960
They don't need to know on your first date

2306
01:48:18.960 --> 01:48:22.680
if you're an alcoholic, a drug addict, a love addiction.

2307
01:48:22.680 --> 01:48:23.580
I don't care.

2308
01:48:24.420 --> 01:48:26.900
You've had an abortion.

2309
01:48:26.900 --> 01:48:28.220
You come from a trauma.

2310
01:48:28.220 --> 01:48:30.140
You were molested as a child.

2311
01:48:30.140 --> 01:48:31.820
None of that information

2312
01:48:31.820 --> 01:48:34.620
is coming into your first few dates, okay, you guys?

2313
01:48:34.620 --> 01:48:35.820
It's not.

2314
01:48:35.820 --> 01:48:38.220
The information you want to share,

2315
01:48:38.220 --> 01:48:41.180
you want to focus about the present.

2316
01:48:41.180 --> 01:48:44.860
Who are you today and where you're going?

2317
01:48:44.860 --> 01:48:48.080
The kind of stuff that you talk about in the past

2318
01:48:48.080 --> 01:48:49.780
is like sharing your resume.

2319
01:48:49.780 --> 01:48:52.280
Oh, I come from a big Italian family.

2320
01:48:52.280 --> 01:48:53.960
I'm three of four kids.

2321
01:48:53.960 --> 01:48:55.600
I was a really good student.

2322
01:48:55.600 --> 01:48:56.920
I got straight A's.

2323
01:48:56.920 --> 01:48:58.480
I was a cheerleader.

2324
01:48:58.480 --> 01:49:00.120
Do you guys kind of hear what I'm saying?

2325
01:49:00.120 --> 01:49:03.760
Like, this is not rocket science information here.

2326
01:49:03.760 --> 01:49:05.480
You know, I used to work in corporate America.

2327
01:49:05.480 --> 01:49:06.840
I was on staff at a church.

2328
01:49:06.840 --> 01:49:08.420
I used to be a cheerleading coach.

2329
01:49:08.420 --> 01:49:09.260
You guys are all just,

2330
01:49:09.260 --> 01:49:11.860
you're learning right now about my past,

2331
01:49:11.860 --> 01:49:16.240
but you're learning very surface information about my past.

2332
01:49:16.240 --> 01:49:19.280
So those first handful of dates,

2333
01:49:19.280 --> 01:49:22.200
you are not giving intimate details about your past.

2334
01:49:23.080 --> 01:49:24.560
You are not telling people why you got divorced.

2335
01:49:24.560 --> 01:49:27.500
You're not telling people that your husband cheated on you.

2336
01:49:27.500 --> 01:49:29.320
You're not saying that stuff.

2337
01:49:29.320 --> 01:49:31.460
If they ask you, well, why did you get divorced?

2338
01:49:31.460 --> 01:49:32.960
Why did you not ever get married?

2339
01:49:32.960 --> 01:49:33.800
You know what?

2340
01:49:33.800 --> 01:49:34.720
That's a really big question.

2341
01:49:34.720 --> 01:49:36.180
And at the appropriate time,

2342
01:49:36.180 --> 01:49:38.540
I'd be happy to have that conversation with you.

2343
01:49:38.540 --> 01:49:41.580
Let's just focus on who we are today and where we're going.

2344
01:49:42.520 --> 01:49:44.720
Who we are today, where we're going.

2345
01:49:44.720 --> 01:49:45.560
So I hope-

2346
01:49:45.560 --> 01:49:47.840
I'm going to back on a question like that,

2347
01:49:47.840 --> 01:49:49.800
because a lot of the guys I talk to,

2348
01:49:49.800 --> 01:49:51.400
like are very serious Christians,

2349
01:49:51.440 --> 01:49:52.800
and I'm a serious believer,

2350
01:49:52.800 --> 01:49:54.280
and they want to know your testimony.

2351
01:49:54.280 --> 01:49:56.160
Oh my God, how'd you come to the Lord?

2352
01:49:56.160 --> 01:49:57.560
Oh, tell me your testimony.

2353
01:49:57.560 --> 01:49:58.640
Like, how did you meet Je-

2354
01:49:58.640 --> 01:50:00.640
You know, how did you come to the Lord?

2355
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:06.200
Okay, so yeah, so Dawn, here's how I answer that in the early part.

2356
01:50:06.200 --> 01:50:11.980
Well, for me, I'm like, you know what, I grew up in a really strong, solid denomination.

2357
01:50:11.980 --> 01:50:15.500
For me, I kind of got to, you know, I was going through a lot of different struggles

2358
01:50:15.500 --> 01:50:21.000
in college, and someone shared the gospel with me through the navigators, and I accepted

2359
01:50:21.000 --> 01:50:23.440
my Lord and Savior at 18.

2360
01:50:23.440 --> 01:50:27.960
I got water baptized in six months, and it's just been a part of my life ever since.

2361
01:50:27.960 --> 01:50:33.900
There's so much more to the story, I would be happy to tell you when it's appropriate.

2362
01:50:33.900 --> 01:50:34.900
So you just-

2363
01:50:34.900 --> 01:50:41.280
I just gave you my testimony, Dawn, so you have got to find a way to say your testimony

2364
01:50:41.280 --> 01:50:42.280
in 15 seconds.

2365
01:50:42.280 --> 01:50:43.280
15 to 30 seconds?

2366
01:50:43.280 --> 01:50:49.880
Like, hey, Jess, if it's longer than 15 or 30 seconds, you are sharing too much.

2367
01:50:49.880 --> 01:50:51.360
Oh, wow.

2368
01:50:51.360 --> 01:50:57.040
Yeah, but, yeah, girl, like, I'm helping you reign it in.

2369
01:50:57.120 --> 01:50:58.120
Reign it in.

2370
01:50:58.120 --> 01:50:59.120
Okay.

2371
01:50:59.120 --> 01:51:00.120
I'm glad you brought that up.

2372
01:51:00.120 --> 01:51:01.120
Okay.

2373
01:51:01.120 --> 01:51:02.120
Thank you.

2374
01:51:02.120 --> 01:51:03.120
Yep.

2375
01:51:03.120 --> 01:51:06.720
Like, asking the testimony question is such the, like, underhanded way to find out people's

2376
01:51:06.720 --> 01:51:07.720
dirt.

2377
01:51:07.720 --> 01:51:08.720
Oh, tell me your testimony.

2378
01:51:08.720 --> 01:51:13.520
Yeah, I bet you want me to tell you my testimony.

2379
01:51:13.520 --> 01:51:17.040
Yeah.

2380
01:51:17.040 --> 01:51:18.040
You mentioned the love-bombing.

2381
01:51:18.040 --> 01:51:19.040
Yeah.

2382
01:51:19.040 --> 01:51:24.360
Definitely, you guys, love-bombing, I know you heard that phrase, gaslighting love-bombing.

2383
01:51:24.360 --> 01:51:29.920
I kind of feel like it's love-bombing when it's, like, it's too much and it's too much

2384
01:51:29.920 --> 01:51:36.320
about everything and it's not enough normal, and you have to pay attention to the difference

2385
01:51:36.320 --> 01:51:40.240
between secure attachment and love-bombing.

2386
01:51:40.240 --> 01:51:43.640
I would say Rick pursued me with secure attachment.

2387
01:51:43.640 --> 01:51:49.160
He kind of knew really quickly he wanted to, like, zone in on me, but he wasn't, like,

2388
01:51:49.160 --> 01:51:50.440
texting me all day long.

2389
01:51:50.440 --> 01:51:56.680
He wasn't, like, just, like, and he introduced me to his church, you know, friends right

2390
01:51:56.680 --> 01:51:59.400
away, and he met some of my friends right away.

2391
01:51:59.400 --> 01:52:02.240
Usually love-bombers don't introduce you to their people.

2392
01:52:02.240 --> 01:52:05.200
They say they're going to, but they don't.

2393
01:52:05.200 --> 01:52:11.080
Usually love-bombers kind of keep you in seclusion because they realize if they meet your friends

2394
01:52:11.080 --> 01:52:17.720
and you meet their friends, if they're fake and a phony, they're going to get found out.

2395
01:52:17.720 --> 01:52:22.240
So usually love-bombers will try to stay, they will try to keep the relationship in

2396
01:52:22.240 --> 01:52:23.240
secret.

2397
01:52:23.240 --> 01:52:26.040
They're going to promise you that, oh, I'm going to have you come to the wedding, I'm

2398
01:52:26.040 --> 01:52:29.400
going to have you meet my friends, and it just never happens.

2399
01:52:29.400 --> 01:52:30.800
Okay.

2400
01:52:30.800 --> 01:52:33.360
Let's see.

2401
01:52:33.360 --> 01:52:34.760
Okay.

2402
01:52:34.760 --> 01:52:47.240
Did anybody else have any final, I want a final question.

2403
01:52:47.760 --> 01:52:51.760
I do have one last thing.

2404
01:52:51.760 --> 01:52:53.880
Yes, ma'am.

2405
01:52:53.880 --> 01:52:59.960
When I did express to this guy that I would like to be a stay-at-home mom if possible,

2406
01:52:59.960 --> 01:53:05.520
and I think it's the question of, you know, is that possible, and do I, would it be settling

2407
01:53:05.520 --> 01:53:11.040
if this guy tells me, well, I kind of just want to work a, you know, low-level job for

2408
01:53:11.040 --> 01:53:14.720
the rest of my life and do some creative work on the side, which may be a possibility.

2409
01:53:14.720 --> 01:53:19.680
I don't know, but you were saying give it like kind of the 12 months out from here,

2410
01:53:19.680 --> 01:53:25.520
the six months, the 12 months, like, I guess my question is, you know, is that something

2411
01:53:25.520 --> 01:53:27.160
to draw a line over?

2412
01:53:27.160 --> 01:53:30.600
Because again, I don't even know if I could have kids of my own, but I did express to

2413
01:53:30.600 --> 01:53:35.840
him and he was like, yeah, you know, I respect your, you know, your, like he respected that

2414
01:53:35.840 --> 01:53:41.520
I was straight up with him when that topic came up about the future of like, what are

2415
01:53:41.520 --> 01:53:42.520
you looking for?

2416
01:53:42.520 --> 01:53:45.320
And, you know, and I said, I would like to be a stay-at-home mom.

2417
01:53:45.320 --> 01:53:48.120
Well, what does he want?

2418
01:53:48.120 --> 01:53:54.760
Well, he didn't really say a lot in specific terms, although I did ask him and he just

2419
01:53:54.760 --> 01:53:58.800
said, like I was saying earlier, he's like in a humbling time and it's like, he's kind

2420
01:53:58.800 --> 01:54:02.440
of in this searching time and he hasn't been a believer super long.

2421
01:54:02.440 --> 01:54:05.920
I think he's trying to get his life sorted out a little bit.

2422
01:54:05.920 --> 01:54:09.320
And that's what I need to see about actions.

2423
01:54:09.320 --> 01:54:11.040
What actions is he's taking?

2424
01:54:11.040 --> 01:54:15.840
Like, cause he's, we've talked about like community and accountability and things like

2425
01:54:15.840 --> 01:54:16.840
that.

2426
01:54:16.840 --> 01:54:19.080
And so I'm just not, it's hard to get a gauge since we're long distance.

2427
01:54:19.080 --> 01:54:22.520
It's hard to get a gauge on like, how much is he actively doing?

2428
01:54:22.520 --> 01:54:27.800
If anything to, I feel like Melissa, you're going to, you are a go getter.

2429
01:54:27.800 --> 01:54:33.000
And I feel like you're going to feel his energy and his energy is going to tell you even more

2430
01:54:33.000 --> 01:54:37.840
than he expresses to you.

2431
01:54:37.840 --> 01:54:42.160
And I feel like you need a man who knows where he's going.

2432
01:54:42.160 --> 01:54:43.160
I do.

2433
01:54:43.160 --> 01:54:46.960
And he's either going to convey that to you or he's not.

2434
01:54:46.960 --> 01:54:50.080
And I'm going to tell you, don't settle if he's not.

2435
01:54:50.080 --> 01:54:54.720
Like if you don't walk away from this live date feeling like, okay, he's got his shit

2436
01:54:54.720 --> 01:54:55.720
together.

2437
01:54:55.720 --> 01:54:58.840
I can't tell you all of Rick's story because some of it's his personal story and he would

2438
01:54:58.840 --> 01:55:00.040
be mortified if I told you.

2439
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:05.700
do. I'm just telling you guys, 12, 14 years ago, he lost everything and every way that

2440
01:55:05.700 --> 01:55:14.580
you can get destroyed. He did. And I am so proud of what he did to succeed again and

2441
01:55:14.580 --> 01:55:22.900
get his life together and like just busted his ass to make a plan and work that plan.

2442
01:55:22.900 --> 01:55:30.220
And so I'm okay that any guy or girl falls tough on their story, but it's like, okay,

2443
01:55:30.220 --> 01:55:35.460
what's your plan? Cause I need to only be with survivors. I can't date a victim and

2444
01:55:35.460 --> 01:55:42.740
I don't think you can either, Melissa. And if, and so my suspicion is you will get a,

2445
01:55:42.740 --> 01:55:46.140
you will get a lot of your answers when you see them in person, which is why I'm so glad

2446
01:55:46.140 --> 01:55:50.860
you're getting a chance to do that because I feel like you need somebody to come in with

2447
01:55:50.860 --> 01:55:56.820
strong masculine energy. And if he does not, you cannot leave this relationship.

2448
01:55:56.820 --> 01:56:01.420
Okay. That's a good word. Thank you so much. I received that.

2449
01:56:01.420 --> 01:56:12.500
Yeah. Good. Okay. Good, good, good, good. Um, well, true Julie. Yeah. Okay. Um, let's

2450
01:56:12.500 --> 01:56:26.460
see. Okay. All right. Meeting the mom and siblings via video chat after two weeks. Okay.

2451
01:56:26.460 --> 01:56:32.340
Here's the thing you guys don't equate love bombing with just bound boundaries. Like it's

2452
01:56:32.340 --> 01:56:37.420
that there's a difference between love bombing and anxious attachment. You guys are now in

2453
01:56:37.420 --> 01:56:42.540
phase two. The three videos on attachment styles, I believe are in your portal for you

2454
01:56:42.540 --> 01:56:47.900
to watch with the attachment. So what you guys are describing sounds way more anxious

2455
01:56:47.900 --> 01:56:56.580
attachment than love bombing. Love bombing is usually somebody who's like a dirty dude

2456
01:56:56.580 --> 01:57:01.620
and he's just coming to take, and he's trying to reel you in to see what he can take from

2457
01:57:01.620 --> 01:57:07.380
you. Anxious attachment people like declare their undying love, introduce you to the family,

2458
01:57:08.060 --> 01:57:13.820
and they want to secure that relationship and make it way more intimate too quickly.

2459
01:57:13.820 --> 01:57:20.420
So there's a difference between love bombing and, um, anxious attachment. It is the top

2460
01:57:20.420 --> 01:57:24.340
of the hour. We don't have time to go there, but those videos are there. So I'm going to

2461
01:57:24.340 --> 01:57:31.820
encourage you guys to go watch them that so don't mistake the two. Um, and you guys, we

2462
01:57:31.820 --> 01:57:37.540
all have anxious attachment, avoiding attachment. We could all lean in that direction. It's

2463
01:57:37.540 --> 01:57:43.740
just a matter of, is it teachable? Do they recognize it? Are they trying to be healthy?

2464
01:57:43.740 --> 01:57:46.860
You guys, this is two hours. We're going to get our butts kicked when they see these video

2465
01:57:46.860 --> 01:57:50.980
links. It's hilarious. Okay. Love you all. Talk to you next week.