WEBVTT

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All right, so welcome everyone to our PATH session.

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If you just made it over to phase three and you're like, what's PATH session?

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PATH session is a time when we come together as a community or we split into different

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groups as a community.

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And we talk about important subjects within your relationship with God, yourself and others,

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including of course, romantic relationships.

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Tonight, we're going to talk about relationship expectations.

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Y'all, for all the different levels of relationship that you are going to navigate

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as you get to know other people in this process towards your spirit mate,

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what should your expectations be?

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A lot of people have missed expectations.

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They have unrealistic expectations.

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These are true stories, right?

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You have missed expectations.

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You get all disappointed about something.

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Some people have unrealistic expectations.

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Other people have really low expectations.

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We need to get those expectations up a little higher, right?

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And then some people have really high expectations.

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And those high expectations are not necessarily unrealistic,

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but you have to make sure that you're matching what you're expecting from someone else.

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That's important, right?

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And at all different levels of getting to know someone, those things should be different.

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Now, of course, it's not a one size fits all.

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Can't give you all of the cheat codes, okay, to relationship.

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There are going to be scenarios that you find yourself in

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that have not been taught about within this community.

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And what happens when that happens?

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You just have to use your best judgment in the moment.

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And then of course, you can come back and ask us what we think.

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How did I do?

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You can come back and say, how did I do?

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This is what I did.

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What do you think?

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And so we are definitely always here to be a sounding board for you.

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We want to help all of you succeed in relationship, of course, with a romantic potential,

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but also in your relationship with all the other people in your life,

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including yourself and God.

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All right, so let's pray.

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Father God, we thank you for this time together.

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As you put us on the path, your word says in Jeremiah 6, 16,

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that there is a good path, that there's a good way to take.

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And so we're asking that you would give us those ancient ways tonight,

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that you would help us to navigate to the good path in our lives,

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in the area of expectations and relationship in Jesus name.

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Amen.

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All right.

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So a little housekeeping here at the beginning,

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the app was approved by the app store.

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Don't go to try to find it and download it, right?

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We're not onboarding y'all right now.

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And the reason why is because there are a few little bugs that are being worked out.

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Accoutrements, testing all the things, we're finding some issues

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and we want to make sure that we work those issues.

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We don't want to get.

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For us to test it.

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And so we are still testing it.

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We just had a meeting yesterday with the app developers.

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We put in a few tickets of things that need to be fixed.

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And as soon as that happens, which should be in a timely manner,

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we will be onboarding our moderator teams.

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And then they'll get to, you know, mess with everything until they break it.

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We want them to break it, right?

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Because then we, we know how easy it is to break or not break.

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And then after that phase three and the men's group.

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So all of you here, you guys will be the next group to onboard.

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Okay.

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Am I cutting out?

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Heather said, I'm cutting out.

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Am I?

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You were briefly better now.

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You're better now.

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Okay.

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But did you guys know what I said?

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It was chopped up.

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Yes, we did.

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Is it still choppy?

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No, you're fine now.

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Okay.

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Definitely.

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I've had some internet issues out here in the country.

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The last couple of days.

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In fact, one day I had no internet access at all.

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Not on my phone.

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Nowhere.

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I didn't even have cell phone access.

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And I was like, this is what the dark ages felt like.

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And I made it through y'all.

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I marked myself as safe from the day that the tech went out in Leander, Texas.

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So we're going to, there's an echo.

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We're going to start off with phase one, two, three, four, and five in the community

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and talk about expectations at each phase of getting to know someone.

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I'm trying to think if there was, there was one more bit of housekeeping.

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I'm trying to remember what it is.

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Bethany, do you remember what it is?

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Someone is saying that it's still choppy.

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Is that correct?

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No, you're good now.

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Like I, you're consistent.

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It's not choppy anymore.

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All right.

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In Elena's world, I'm still choppy.

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So I want to make sure that that doesn't happen.

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All right.

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Try to make sure that you're at Supernatural Saturday Live.

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If you can be, we're going to have a really great time now.

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Not that we always don't because we do,

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but we're going to cover something super encouraging

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and important.

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And I hope that everyone that can be there live,

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if you cannot be there live, we understand.

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Make sure that you watch the replay.

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All right.

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Who's ready to dig in?

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Hopefully I'll remember that last bit of housekeeping

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because I feel like it was important.

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Oh, y'all.

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I know what it was.

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So we had a marriage happen in our community

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between a guy from the guy's group

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and a woman from the woman's group.

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Yay.

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So we're so excited.

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We are so excited.

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And you guys, I was counting,

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I was talking to Bethany today and Renee,

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and I was actually counting how many couples

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have actually gotten married from within this community.

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And it's quite a few.

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And so I'm very excited for our newest,

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last year single success story, our newest newlyweds.

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And I don't think that they're going to be on here tonight,

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but we just want to say a public congratulations

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to Art and Annette,

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who got married over the weekend, last weekend.

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And so congratulations to the newest Mr. and Mrs. Lewis.

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And we're so excited for them.

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And I've had the privilege to get to know both of them.

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So for those of you that have gotten discouraged already,

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and you've only been in here for like four or five months,

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both of them were in here for two plus years.

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I'm not saying that to scare you,

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but they were working out some things in their own lives

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and in their own things.

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And guess what?

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They saw each other during the course of those two years,

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of course, that they were in here,

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but it didn't really turn into that kind of romance

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or even that kind of even connection

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because they were just sort of ships passing

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in the night in here until last year,

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at the end of last year in the fall.

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And so very, very excited.

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That's the other thing, Vicky.

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Thank you.

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So we are going to put out a list

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of all of the last trip single trips

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for 2024 and the beginning of 2025.

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We're gonna put out, save the date for that.

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And so that was the other thing that I wanted to say.

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All right.

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All right.

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Okay.

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So how can we get from level one to level five,

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but also what should our expectations be

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as we're navigating those stages?

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Right, for those of you that are like,

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what are you talking about?

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We must've skipped phase two,

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the love story accelerator,

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if you don't know what I'm talking about.

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So for a little quick recap, let's do that.

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Phase one is community.

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Let's use Art and Annette as an example.

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Art and Annette were in phase one relationship

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for the whole time that they were in last year single

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until just nine or 10 months ago.

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They were in phase one.

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They had never had a private conversation.

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They had never been on a date.

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They were long distance.

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In fact, this is an international success story.

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He was Canadian.

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She lived in Washington.

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And so none of that, right?

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So it's possible to be in community with people

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and see them, but actually really don't,

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you don't know them yet.

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You don't really know them that well,

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whether it's someone at work or someone at church

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or some other civic group or recreational group

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that you're part of.

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So that's phase one, community, write it down.

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You're just in the same community.

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You're in the same vicinity as each other, okay?

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And then phase two is you start

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kind of getting to know each other.

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This is the get to know you phase

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or the dreaded talking phase.

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Anyone ever say like, hey, are you talking to anyone?

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This is the dreaded talking stage.

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Who dreads the talking stage?

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Nobody likes that.

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And that's why some of you try to skip the talking stage

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by on the very first time you're talking,

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tell the person everything about your entire life

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from the time you were born until now

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to try to skip up to see if you can get to phase three,

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which is the intentional dating exclusive stage.

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Now in the talking stage, in phase two, is there dating?

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Yeah, there's dating.

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Is it super serious dating?

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It can get serious.

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And that's when it usually transitions into level three.

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So I'm sorry, level one, community,

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level two, get to know you.

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talking, low stakes dating,

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which can start to become higher stakes dating

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as you are further and further in level two.

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Level three is we're together,

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we're boyfriend and girlfriend,

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we're intentional, we're not seeing anyone else,

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we're exclusive.

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We believe that this relationship has potential

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to become the one, all right?

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And then level four is engagement.

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And level five is obviously marriage.

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Any questions about the levels

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before we start talking about expectations?

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Nope, okay, great.

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Now,

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and I don't know who all is on here as far as on the team.

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I know that Bethany is here,

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so feel free to chime in, Bethany.

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I don't see Renee here.

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Okay, so phase one community, all of you,

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I'm sorry, level one community,

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all of you are in level one community

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with each other right now.

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And I think if you look around the room,

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you see that there are lots of people that you don't know.

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Aren't there?

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Oh, Renee is here.

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There's lots of people that you don't know

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that you've never actually had

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any kind of conversation with, correct?

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But you've seen them on their little Zoom window

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several times, and so you kind of recognize them.

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You recognize them.

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Now, would you recognize them out in public?

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Would you be able to pick them out of a lineup?

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Maybe not.

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But when you're on this community together, you see them.

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You might see them post in our groups,

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and you see them ask questions about their situations

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and different things in the Facebook groups

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that you're involved in through this community,

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but you don't know them.

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Maybe your church has a Facebook page,

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and maybe you have a big church.

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Maybe you go to a church that has thousands of people in it,

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and you see people post prayer requests,

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or they post like, hey, I have a crib for sale

264
00:12:15.440 --> 00:12:17.680
if anyone needs a crib, or this or that.

265
00:12:17.680 --> 00:12:21.400
You see people posting within those groups,

266
00:12:21.400 --> 00:12:23.300
but you don't know them.

267
00:12:25.520 --> 00:12:27.440
You know what's really awkward is that

268
00:12:27.440 --> 00:12:28.520
you don't know someone,

269
00:12:28.520 --> 00:12:31.120
but you see them in a community page or something.

270
00:12:31.120 --> 00:12:32.400
You see them on Facebook,

271
00:12:32.400 --> 00:12:33.920
and then you see them in real life,

272
00:12:33.920 --> 00:12:35.120
like at church or something,

273
00:12:35.120 --> 00:12:37.900
and you know that you don't know them,

274
00:12:37.900 --> 00:12:41.620
and yet you know their name, and you know their face,

275
00:12:41.620 --> 00:12:45.060
and you feel like just saying, oh, hey, hi,

276
00:12:46.620 --> 00:12:48.660
but you don't know them, right?

277
00:12:48.660 --> 00:12:49.820
That happened to me the other day.

278
00:12:49.820 --> 00:12:51.300
I was at a bride expo,

279
00:12:52.260 --> 00:12:55.660
and one of the guys that I was trying to matchmake,

280
00:12:55.660 --> 00:13:00.660
he got engaged, not to someone that I introduced him to,

281
00:13:00.800 --> 00:13:04.140
but the mojo of the whole thing,

282
00:13:04.180 --> 00:13:06.900
and I briefly, very briefly,

283
00:13:06.900 --> 00:13:09.180
for like two hot seconds during COVID

284
00:13:09.180 --> 00:13:13.460
was introduced to his mom, just briefly,

285
00:13:13.460 --> 00:13:17.740
and so I'm at this bridal expo with some of y'all.

286
00:13:17.740 --> 00:13:18.860
You were there with me,

287
00:13:18.860 --> 00:13:21.500
and out of the corner of my eye, I see this girl,

288
00:13:21.500 --> 00:13:23.260
and I'm like, I recognize that girl.

289
00:13:23.260 --> 00:13:24.620
Why do I recognize her?

290
00:13:24.620 --> 00:13:27.700
She's the fiance of this guy.

291
00:13:27.700 --> 00:13:29.860
Now, remember, I did not match him with this girl,

292
00:13:29.860 --> 00:13:31.460
and I've never met this girl before,

293
00:13:31.460 --> 00:13:34.300
and I learned now after I just kind of

294
00:13:34.300 --> 00:13:35.500
made a fool out of myself

295
00:13:35.500 --> 00:13:37.540
that she doesn't speak very good English,

296
00:13:38.940 --> 00:13:41.620
so I went up to her, and I was like, oh, hey, hi.

297
00:13:41.620 --> 00:13:43.260
Are you so-and-so's fiance?

298
00:13:43.260 --> 00:13:45.340
And she was like, oh, no English.

299
00:13:45.340 --> 00:13:48.900
I'm like, oh, great, and then another voice piped up,

300
00:13:48.900 --> 00:13:51.900
and it was his mom, and she's like, excuse me, who are you?

301
00:13:54.100 --> 00:13:56.740
And I was like, oh, don't you remember me?

302
00:13:56.740 --> 00:13:57.820
You know, we met briefly.

303
00:13:57.820 --> 00:14:01.100
You know, she's like, no, and I was just like, okay.

304
00:14:01.740 --> 00:14:03.340
Now I feel super weird.

305
00:14:03.340 --> 00:14:06.740
So it wasn't the greatest moment,

306
00:14:06.740 --> 00:14:08.500
but this is what happens when we live

307
00:14:08.500 --> 00:14:11.220
in a social media world, right, friends?

308
00:14:11.220 --> 00:14:14.020
You might recognize people from social media

309
00:14:14.020 --> 00:14:18.260
that you've never actually met in real life,

310
00:14:18.260 --> 00:14:23.260
and so those would be level one relationships, okay?

311
00:14:25.620 --> 00:14:28.220
Those would be level one relationships, okay?

312
00:14:28.260 --> 00:14:31.300
Level two is when, for whatever reason,

313
00:14:31.300 --> 00:14:35.260
you get some one-on-one time with somebody,

314
00:14:36.780 --> 00:14:41.100
one-on-one time, meaning that you go out

315
00:14:41.100 --> 00:14:44.340
on some sort of coffee date, or you go to lunch,

316
00:14:44.340 --> 00:14:49.140
or someone fixes you up on a blind date.

317
00:14:51.700 --> 00:14:53.580
Somebody fixes you up on a blind date.

318
00:14:55.020 --> 00:14:56.940
This happened to my son the other day.

319
00:14:58.220 --> 00:14:59.940
Somebody said to him, hey.

320
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:01.760
I have somebody that I would like you to meet.

321
00:15:01.760 --> 00:15:03.280
Are you interested in meeting her?

322
00:15:03.280 --> 00:15:05.920
And he said, maybe they showed him a picture.

323
00:15:05.920 --> 00:15:07.760
He goes, ah, okay, yeah, sure.

324
00:15:07.760 --> 00:15:11.240
So he went to something, he didn't tell me what,

325
00:15:11.240 --> 00:15:13.040
I don't know if it was coffee or lunch or whatever.

326
00:15:13.040 --> 00:15:16.840
Hopefully it wasn't any of that because he's my son.

327
00:15:16.840 --> 00:15:18.520
So hopefully he's listening to the advice

328
00:15:18.520 --> 00:15:20.320
that I give people, right?

329
00:15:20.320 --> 00:15:22.460
But he went to something with this girl.

330
00:15:24.320 --> 00:15:27.120
And when I talked to him on the phone today,

331
00:15:27.120 --> 00:15:29.600
he said, oh, by the way, I had that date.

332
00:15:29.640 --> 00:15:32.560
And I said, oh, I said, how'd that go?

333
00:15:32.560 --> 00:15:34.560
And he said, it was fine.

334
00:15:34.560 --> 00:15:37.760
And immediately I'm like, okay, so it's fine.

335
00:15:37.760 --> 00:15:39.000
And he said, it's fine.

336
00:15:39.000 --> 00:15:41.800
He said, and this is his next word, y'all.

337
00:15:41.800 --> 00:15:44.040
He said, I don't need to do it again.

338
00:15:48.720 --> 00:15:49.560
Meaning with her.

339
00:15:49.560 --> 00:15:52.520
He's like, I don't need a second date,

340
00:15:52.520 --> 00:15:57.440
but it was fine, right?

341
00:15:58.280 --> 00:15:59.480
And I said, oh, okay.

342
00:15:59.480 --> 00:16:00.880
I said, so what's the disconnect?

343
00:16:00.880 --> 00:16:05.880
He said, we had absolutely no thing in common.

344
00:16:07.840 --> 00:16:10.720
He said, it was really very awkward.

345
00:16:10.720 --> 00:16:13.120
Conversation didn't flow at all.

346
00:16:15.120 --> 00:16:17.200
It was painful in a way, like it was fine,

347
00:16:17.200 --> 00:16:21.980
but at the same time, it was not fun.

348
00:16:22.960 --> 00:16:25.000
So who's been on a date like that before?

349
00:16:28.160 --> 00:16:32.240
And I want you to put up in the comments right now,

350
00:16:32.240 --> 00:16:33.480
for those of you that said, yes,

351
00:16:33.480 --> 00:16:35.040
you've been on a date like that before

352
00:16:35.040 --> 00:16:36.840
where it's just super awkward

353
00:16:36.840 --> 00:16:38.880
and there's nothing to talk about

354
00:16:38.880 --> 00:16:43.400
and you're counting the minutes to when it's over, okay?

355
00:16:43.400 --> 00:16:48.400
I want you to put in the chat where that meetup,

356
00:16:49.800 --> 00:16:52.800
that date, where did it take place?

357
00:16:52.800 --> 00:16:54.960
Did it take place sitting across the table

358
00:16:55.000 --> 00:16:58.040
from someone at some sort of eating establishment

359
00:16:58.040 --> 00:16:59.720
or coffee establishment?

360
00:16:59.720 --> 00:17:01.640
I wanna see in,

361
00:17:04.240 --> 00:17:05.560
someone walked them all their dogs,

362
00:17:05.560 --> 00:17:07.260
coffee, coffee, coffee, zoo.

363
00:17:07.260 --> 00:17:08.099
That's interesting.

364
00:17:08.099 --> 00:17:10.920
Restaurant, restaurant, restaurant, restaurant, restaurant,

365
00:17:10.920 --> 00:17:14.220
pizza shop, restaurant, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee,

366
00:17:14.220 --> 00:17:17.300
coffee cafe, add church to the coffee cafe.

367
00:17:17.300 --> 00:17:18.800
Talk about sitting in a fishbowl,

368
00:17:18.800 --> 00:17:20.400
coffee, coffee, coffee.

369
00:17:20.400 --> 00:17:22.960
He picked me up and we went to a movie.

370
00:17:22.960 --> 00:17:26.200
No, y'all don't go on a first date to a movie.

371
00:17:26.200 --> 00:17:27.040
What the heck?

372
00:17:27.040 --> 00:17:29.280
No, comedy show, same thing.

373
00:17:29.280 --> 00:17:30.920
You're watching something, it's loud.

374
00:17:30.920 --> 00:17:33.480
There's no really time to interact.

375
00:17:33.480 --> 00:17:37.320
Coffee, coffee, coffee, SeaWorld, that's good.

376
00:17:37.320 --> 00:17:38.920
Coffee, restaurant, okay.

377
00:17:38.920 --> 00:17:40.880
So I want you guys to see that the majority,

378
00:17:40.880 --> 00:17:44.440
90% of you are saying that you were sitting across the table

379
00:17:44.440 --> 00:17:47.240
from a stranger at a eating establishment

380
00:17:47.240 --> 00:17:48.640
or a coffee establishment.

381
00:17:49.520 --> 00:17:50.360
That's a no.

382
00:17:51.360 --> 00:17:56.160
And I guarantee you that's what my son did too, right?

383
00:17:56.160 --> 00:17:58.440
And the problem with this is twofold.

384
00:17:59.280 --> 00:18:01.160
So let's go to expectations.

385
00:18:02.380 --> 00:18:05.140
Well, I want to go through all the expectations,

386
00:18:05.140 --> 00:18:07.820
but expectations for a phase two situation

387
00:18:07.820 --> 00:18:12.820
is that not everyone is going to be their best self

388
00:18:14.140 --> 00:18:18.120
the first time that you have a level two

389
00:18:21.360 --> 00:18:22.680
interaction.

390
00:18:28.480 --> 00:18:30.440
Some people take longer to warm up.

391
00:18:35.520 --> 00:18:38.480
Some people are truly introverted people

392
00:18:38.480 --> 00:18:43.480
and they don't make small talk very easily.

393
00:18:44.200 --> 00:18:46.660
Let's see your hands if that applies to you.

394
00:18:47.660 --> 00:18:50.380
Like you'd rather take a bullet

395
00:18:50.380 --> 00:18:52.980
than try to make small talk with someone.

396
00:19:00.900 --> 00:19:03.360
Let me see the hands of how many of you,

397
00:19:03.360 --> 00:19:06.940
when you're trying to talk to someone that you don't know,

398
00:19:06.940 --> 00:19:10.620
you get so nervous that you end up saying something weird.

399
00:19:16.660 --> 00:19:21.660
Something awkward, something weird.

400
00:19:31.620 --> 00:19:32.460
Okay.

401
00:19:35.060 --> 00:19:37.180
Just so you know, guys, in a past life of mine,

402
00:19:37.180 --> 00:19:41.340
when I was younger, they, like my family around me,

403
00:19:41.340 --> 00:19:44.260
they literally called me Kramer from Seinfeld

404
00:19:44.260 --> 00:19:46.820
because I was such a spaz

405
00:19:47.900 --> 00:19:50.140
when I was trying to talk to people.

406
00:19:50.140 --> 00:19:51.880
I would just totally spaz out.

407
00:19:54.740 --> 00:19:58.780
So I'm sure none of you find that hard to believe.

408
00:19:58.780 --> 00:20:00.220
Okay, so word vomit.

409
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:06.080
something awkward. So, okay. So you guys, so it's important that we understand that our expectations,

410
00:20:06.080 --> 00:20:11.440
please write this down, is that people don't have to be the best version of themselves the very

411
00:20:11.440 --> 00:20:18.400
first time that you talk to them. And with that being said, unless there was some horrible

412
00:20:19.120 --> 00:20:25.360
situation that causes you not to ever want to connect with that person again,

413
00:20:26.080 --> 00:20:32.560
giving them a chance to redeem a boring get-together is probably a good idea, isn't it?

414
00:20:38.800 --> 00:20:47.520
Wouldn't you say? The first date that my now husband took me on, I drank an apple martini,

415
00:20:47.520 --> 00:20:53.760
being someone who doesn't drink and now is allergic to alcohol, which works out for me.

416
00:20:53.760 --> 00:21:00.080
But back then I drank an apple martini. And when I tell you that I was lit like a firecracker,

417
00:21:00.080 --> 00:21:06.240
who knew that one drink could make you super, super, super, super buzzed. And I was about to

418
00:21:06.240 --> 00:21:13.440
hang from the chandelier on the first get-together. It wasn't a good thing. I was talking like crazy.

419
00:21:13.440 --> 00:21:23.520
I was being a spaz. I'm glad I got a second chance and David's in here somewhere. And I know

420
00:21:23.520 --> 00:21:30.560
that he could attest that it's a hundred percent true. So be careful what you guys do. If you're

421
00:21:30.560 --> 00:21:37.360
someone who, if you do break our rules and go on your first meetup at a coffee shop,

422
00:21:38.560 --> 00:21:42.960
please be able to handle your caffeine. Cause if the caffeinated version of you

423
00:21:43.840 --> 00:21:51.280
is a weirdo, you need to make sure that you don't over caffeinate. Okay. All right. All right. So

424
00:21:51.280 --> 00:21:55.680
let's talk about these expectations. You guys, I want you to weigh in on this. Let's have some

425
00:21:55.680 --> 00:22:00.160
fun tonight. All right. I don't want this to be the Jackie show tonight. So we're going to weigh in.

426
00:22:00.720 --> 00:22:06.960
So level one community, what can we expect from people in community? We can expect

427
00:22:07.680 --> 00:22:12.400
respect. If we, if we give it, then we can expect to receive it. Correct.

428
00:22:12.960 --> 00:22:20.480
That's what we can expect. We can also expect within community that people we don't know really

429
00:22:20.480 --> 00:22:33.360
well, wouldn't cross boundaries with us because we don't know them. What does that look like?

430
00:22:33.360 --> 00:22:38.400
It looks like giving unsolicited advice. It's different if it's solicited. Some of y'all

431
00:22:38.560 --> 00:22:44.000
advice, it's different if it's solicited, some of y'all, you post all your business

432
00:22:44.000 --> 00:22:49.200
up in the community and then you invite it. You say, Hey, what do y'all think now? A whole

433
00:22:49.200 --> 00:22:52.400
bunch of people that you don't know are going to post on that. I mean, you kind of asked for it.

434
00:22:52.400 --> 00:23:00.080
Didn't you? But a lot of people might give you unsolicited advice. You might be on a zoom like

435
00:23:00.080 --> 00:23:04.720
this and you might get brave and you unmute yourself and you ask a question or you talk

436
00:23:04.720 --> 00:23:08.720
about a scenario that you're going through. And then all of a sudden you got a DM from someone

437
00:23:08.720 --> 00:23:14.240
that you don't know, but they're part of this community giving you unsolicited advice or

438
00:23:15.200 --> 00:23:21.600
usually judgment, unsolicited advice. Y'all is usually called judgment.

439
00:23:22.160 --> 00:23:29.440
Just in case you didn't know that. So that is not an expectation that you can have in level one.

440
00:23:30.400 --> 00:23:40.320
It's not. Okay. So respect. What else can we expect? And I'm not talking just about this

441
00:23:40.320 --> 00:23:44.320
community, although it's a good example, since we're all in level one together in this community,

442
00:23:44.320 --> 00:23:48.240
some of y'all are at level two, cause you're talking. Some of y'all might even be at level

443
00:23:48.240 --> 00:23:55.040
three and I'm not aware of it. But level one community here online or in person,

444
00:23:55.920 --> 00:23:58.640
whether it's your job, whether it's your church,

445
00:23:58.640 --> 00:24:02.960
let's list out some other expectations that we can have for people that we just

446
00:24:02.960 --> 00:24:19.040
really don't know that well, or at all. We're Christians. So kindness, right, Mike? And you

447
00:24:19.040 --> 00:24:25.760
guys feel free short, brief, and powerful to unmute yourself and say we can assume the best

448
00:24:25.760 --> 00:24:34.480
about people. Yeah. I mean, why not assume the best? You don't know people friendly conversation

449
00:24:35.120 --> 00:24:48.880
sometimes. Right. Can we expect you guys, can we expect that if you're in community with someone

450
00:24:48.880 --> 00:24:53.840
and you recognize them, but you don't know them and you're out of the context of that community.

451
00:24:53.840 --> 00:24:58.000
So say I'm at the grocery store and I see somebody who goes to my church and I don't know them,

452
00:24:58.000 --> 00:24:59.840
but I definitely recognize them.

453
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.800
Can we expect that we would say hi?

454
00:25:06.100 --> 00:25:08.600
Because we recognize each other, right?

455
00:25:08.600 --> 00:25:11.140
And so we could expect that even though

456
00:25:11.140 --> 00:25:12.100
we don't know each other,

457
00:25:12.100 --> 00:25:14.560
because we're in a community together,

458
00:25:14.560 --> 00:25:18.900
that we would be not just kind, but also friendly.

459
00:25:20.020 --> 00:25:22.600
There's nothing more annoying than seeing someone in public

460
00:25:22.600 --> 00:25:25.520
and you know they know who you are,

461
00:25:25.520 --> 00:25:28.080
and yet they act like they don't see you.

462
00:25:30.820 --> 00:25:32.540
That's rude.

463
00:25:37.360 --> 00:25:39.640
Jeannie said, we can assume that they're single

464
00:25:39.640 --> 00:25:40.840
in this community.

465
00:25:40.840 --> 00:25:43.160
Yes, we can assume that you're not married.

466
00:25:44.360 --> 00:25:48.400
In here, trying to find your second wife

467
00:25:50.200 --> 00:25:53.340
for your sister-wife squad.

468
00:25:56.440 --> 00:25:58.960
In here, trying to add someone to your thruple.

469
00:25:58.960 --> 00:26:01.640
No, there will be no thruples.

470
00:26:03.840 --> 00:26:04.840
If you don't know what that means,

471
00:26:04.840 --> 00:26:05.800
you're gonna have to Google it,

472
00:26:05.800 --> 00:26:07.720
because I just can't.

473
00:26:07.720 --> 00:26:09.360
It's such a mess.

474
00:26:09.360 --> 00:26:11.000
All right, keeping an open mind.

475
00:26:11.000 --> 00:26:13.440
Yes, you guys, in this community

476
00:26:13.440 --> 00:26:15.240
and also in other spiritual communities,

477
00:26:15.240 --> 00:26:17.560
we can expect people to not judge us.

478
00:26:17.560 --> 00:26:19.240
Can't we expect that?

479
00:26:19.240 --> 00:26:23.200
Isn't that an expectation that seems, right?

480
00:26:24.680 --> 00:26:26.480
You don't know me.

481
00:26:26.480 --> 00:26:29.280
You can't judge me, right?

482
00:26:30.600 --> 00:26:31.440
Right.

483
00:26:38.200 --> 00:26:39.040
All right.

484
00:26:43.600 --> 00:26:48.600
And you guys remember, community is men or women, right?

485
00:26:50.880 --> 00:26:54.160
Because this is a non-romantic level

486
00:26:54.160 --> 00:26:55.960
of relationship with others.

487
00:26:57.080 --> 00:27:01.080
And I think you could put family as well at that level.

488
00:27:04.680 --> 00:27:06.480
Well, not at that level.

489
00:27:06.480 --> 00:27:09.060
I guess you'd probably, honestly,

490
00:27:10.180 --> 00:27:12.160
depending on your relationship with your family,

491
00:27:12.160 --> 00:27:14.580
where do you think they would go in the levels?

492
00:27:14.580 --> 00:27:17.320
I think that they would probably go at four or five.

493
00:27:17.320 --> 00:27:20.160
We should have intimate relationships with our family

494
00:27:20.160 --> 00:27:24.220
if they're safe, right?

495
00:27:25.220 --> 00:27:26.660
Cheer each other on.

496
00:27:26.660 --> 00:27:28.460
Great, Elena, that's a really good one.

497
00:27:28.460 --> 00:27:29.460
Cheer each other on.

498
00:27:29.460 --> 00:27:32.320
We can expect support in community.

499
00:27:37.820 --> 00:27:39.260
Right, okay.

500
00:27:39.260 --> 00:27:40.940
All right, let's go on to level two.

501
00:27:40.940 --> 00:27:43.780
This is where now, for whatever reason,

502
00:27:43.780 --> 00:27:45.060
and it could have been a blind date,

503
00:27:45.060 --> 00:27:48.220
someone else could have made the appointment for you

504
00:27:48.220 --> 00:27:49.700
to go to level two,

505
00:27:49.700 --> 00:27:53.900
because level two is always when you're having a one-on-one

506
00:27:54.580 --> 00:27:56.620
with someone, whether that's a phone call,

507
00:27:56.620 --> 00:27:58.100
because you met them on a dating app,

508
00:27:58.100 --> 00:27:59.460
whether that's a Zoom,

509
00:27:59.460 --> 00:28:01.060
because you met them on a dating app,

510
00:28:01.060 --> 00:28:02.940
whether that is a blind date,

511
00:28:02.940 --> 00:28:04.340
because someone else thought y'all

512
00:28:04.340 --> 00:28:05.840
should really meet each other,

513
00:28:07.340 --> 00:28:11.580
or whether that is some form of meetup

514
00:28:11.580 --> 00:28:14.020
that you have agreed to go on with each other.

515
00:28:14.020 --> 00:28:16.420
You guys, group dates don't count.

516
00:28:18.220 --> 00:28:20.420
Group dates are not level two,

517
00:28:20.420 --> 00:28:23.140
meaning that a whole bunch of singles are going somewhere

518
00:28:23.180 --> 00:28:24.900
and you're going to,

519
00:28:24.900 --> 00:28:27.980
and there's a guy or girl that you like in that group.

520
00:28:27.980 --> 00:28:32.140
That does not count as a level two situation.

521
00:28:32.140 --> 00:28:33.300
That's still community.

522
00:28:36.340 --> 00:28:37.180
Cool?

523
00:28:39.620 --> 00:28:40.940
And the reason why I say that,

524
00:28:40.940 --> 00:28:42.020
and the reason why it's important

525
00:28:42.020 --> 00:28:46.380
is because a lot of people will start to, you know,

526
00:28:46.380 --> 00:28:51.020
read things into something in a group situation like that,

527
00:28:51.020 --> 00:28:52.700
because someone's laughing with you a lot,

528
00:28:53.220 --> 00:28:54.060
or they're paying attention to you,

529
00:28:54.060 --> 00:28:55.900
or seeming like they're flirting with you

530
00:28:55.900 --> 00:28:57.580
within the group setting.

531
00:28:58.620 --> 00:29:01.700
But unless that person tries to get you away from the herd

532
00:29:03.940 --> 00:29:06.380
and ask you to go do something one-on-one,

533
00:29:08.500 --> 00:29:10.780
then what your expectations can be

534
00:29:10.780 --> 00:29:13.540
is that person, for whatever reason,

535
00:29:13.540 --> 00:29:15.660
isn't interested in moving forward

536
00:29:15.660 --> 00:29:20.180
or taking things any deeper at this time,

537
00:29:20.180 --> 00:29:21.740
for whatever reason.

538
00:29:21.780 --> 00:29:23.140
Sometimes it could be the reason

539
00:29:23.140 --> 00:29:25.460
that is that you're in community together

540
00:29:25.460 --> 00:29:27.260
and they don't want to mess that up.

541
00:29:30.940 --> 00:29:35.940
So realistically, your expectation in community

542
00:29:35.940 --> 00:29:40.900
is none of these people are romantically interested in me,

543
00:29:40.900 --> 00:29:45.820
unless they try to get me to a level two situation.

544
00:29:47.380 --> 00:29:48.220
And I'm going to tell you,

545
00:29:48.220 --> 00:29:49.860
you're going to save yourself a lot of heartbreak

546
00:29:49.860 --> 00:29:53.820
if you really believe that and keep that there.

547
00:29:54.980 --> 00:29:57.340
I can't tell you how many people pine away

548
00:29:57.340 --> 00:29:59.180
after someone that goes to their church

549
00:29:59.180 --> 00:30:00.260
or someone who works.

550
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.320
with them because they feel like they smile a little bit longer at them, or they talk to them

551
00:30:04.320 --> 00:30:10.800
a little bit longer, or, you know, they go out of their way to come and talk to you within the

552
00:30:10.800 --> 00:30:16.240
group or the crowd. Unless they want to take it to level two, which is one-on-one,

553
00:30:19.200 --> 00:30:24.000
you need to have your expectations be that this person is my friend.

554
00:30:24.000 --> 00:30:30.000
Does that help at all?

555
00:30:37.120 --> 00:30:44.080
Oh, but Jackie, every single after-church service, so-and-so makes a beeline to me,

556
00:30:44.640 --> 00:30:48.080
wants to talk to me. I see them looking at me from across the room, catching my eye.

557
00:30:48.080 --> 00:30:54.080
They didn't ask you to have a level two, so maybe they dislike your attention.

558
00:30:57.200 --> 00:31:04.720
But until and if that happens, they are in community with you.

559
00:31:06.320 --> 00:31:10.400
But I had a dream about them, and I know that they're my husband or wife. Uh-uh.

560
00:31:12.880 --> 00:31:16.400
No, because you know what would happen if they were your husband or wife?

561
00:31:16.960 --> 00:31:19.600
They would ask you to go somewhere with them.

562
00:31:23.520 --> 00:31:30.480
That's where it would start, for sure. Right? Right. So that's what's important,

563
00:31:31.040 --> 00:31:36.880
is that we do not have missed expectations at level one just because we have a crush on someone

564
00:31:36.880 --> 00:31:44.240
or we think that they're vibing with us, unless it goes further. Now, level two is still low stakes,

565
00:31:44.240 --> 00:31:48.640
so let's talk about expectations there. Are we missing any expectations from level one before

566
00:31:48.640 --> 00:31:58.880
we continue? Anybody? So remember, your expectation for level one is that if they like me as more than

567
00:31:58.880 --> 00:32:09.440
a community friend, they will not just seek me out, but ask me to go to level two, to hang out

568
00:32:09.440 --> 00:32:16.240
exclusively, one-on-one, not exclusively, but privately. But not privately, like not in their

569
00:32:16.240 --> 00:32:22.720
room at their house, but you know what I'm saying, right? Okay. I think, Jackie, level one,

570
00:32:22.720 --> 00:32:29.520
no ghosting. Please, if you're not interested, reply to the other person. It is just very

571
00:32:29.520 --> 00:32:37.120
respectful and kind. So good, Nitin. Okay. So if you try to take someone to level two

572
00:32:37.760 --> 00:32:44.160
and they do not want to go, right? They're not interested in having anything past community

573
00:32:44.160 --> 00:32:51.120
friendship with you. And y'all, this is important. Our rules here are that you should give it a

574
00:32:51.120 --> 00:32:56.720
chance. You should be open. You should give it a chance. You never know. It's a yes until it's a

575
00:32:56.720 --> 00:33:03.920
no. But if for whatever reason, it's already a no for you, for whatever reason, Nitin is 100%

576
00:33:03.920 --> 00:33:09.840
right. And that goes back to the very first thing we said, respect. Do not treat someone the way

577
00:33:09.840 --> 00:33:15.360
that you would not want to be treated within your communities, your vast communities. Do not do that.

578
00:33:17.440 --> 00:33:25.920
Okay. And you know what else? I'm just going to say it. You also can't call dibs on somebody.

579
00:33:28.560 --> 00:33:31.200
Just because you like the way they look and you have a crush on them,

580
00:33:32.000 --> 00:33:35.440
this is for all of you that are in churches with single people. And then all of a sudden

581
00:33:35.440 --> 00:33:42.480
in your friend group, you're like, I got dibs on Brad. I saw him first. And how do you do that

582
00:33:42.480 --> 00:33:46.640
by saying, oh, I got a crush on him. Oh, you know, I'm just, I really like him a lot. You know,

583
00:33:46.640 --> 00:33:52.160
I hope he asked me out. Now, everybody else who Brad might actually want to ask out, if it's not

584
00:33:52.160 --> 00:34:06.480
you feel some kind of way about that, don't they? And the other thing is that if you do go out with

585
00:34:06.480 --> 00:34:10.560
Brad and you're like, oh, I don't like Brad at all. You know, Brad's a jerk. I would never date

586
00:34:10.560 --> 00:34:15.840
Brad, you know, whatever, as long as they didn't do something criminal or something inappropriate

587
00:34:15.840 --> 00:34:21.280
or something on Christ-like and ungodly, you just don't like their personality. Don't ruin them

588
00:34:22.159 --> 00:34:28.400
in the community. Don't ruin them in the community. Don't ruin their reputation.

589
00:34:30.960 --> 00:34:34.719
Don't keep other people from being able to find out for themselves.

590
00:34:36.000 --> 00:34:39.280
Just because you don't like them doesn't mean that someone else isn't going to like them.

591
00:34:40.400 --> 00:34:45.199
Is that true? You guys, there's a lot of really big churches connected to my movement

592
00:34:45.199 --> 00:34:49.600
that have lots and lots of singles at them. And I will tell you, I see this happening a lot

593
00:34:49.600 --> 00:34:56.800
at these churches. I'll show up as the matchmaker and say, oh, hey, I think, you know,

594
00:34:56.800 --> 00:34:59.840
why don't you go out with so-and-so? Oh, no, no, no. Kerry went out with him too.

595
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.000
two years ago, and she said that it was an awful date.

596
00:35:03.000 --> 00:35:04.400
Who cares what Carrie said?

597
00:35:09.320 --> 00:35:10.200
Seriously.

598
00:35:15.000 --> 00:35:15.840
You guys don't do that.

599
00:35:15.840 --> 00:35:16.820
That's not right.

600
00:35:18.480 --> 00:35:20.760
And just because they don't ask you out on a second date

601
00:35:20.760 --> 00:35:23.440
and it doesn't go any further with you,

602
00:35:23.440 --> 00:35:25.400
don't try to ruin it for everybody else.

603
00:35:25.400 --> 00:35:26.840
You need to check your heart.

604
00:35:26.840 --> 00:35:30.920
And that includes in this community.

605
00:35:33.600 --> 00:35:35.740
It does, that includes in this community.

606
00:35:37.920 --> 00:35:40.300
Remember, not everyone's supposed to like you,

607
00:35:40.300 --> 00:35:41.600
just one person.

608
00:35:41.600 --> 00:35:44.900
You only get one, y'all, right?

609
00:35:46.560 --> 00:35:50.720
Okay, so these are some really good expectations

610
00:35:50.720 --> 00:35:54.200
for community level relationships.

611
00:35:54.200 --> 00:35:57.300
So when someone takes you away from the crowd,

612
00:35:58.240 --> 00:36:00.380
whether that's you ladies, you drop the hanky,

613
00:36:00.380 --> 00:36:02.560
you get him to go someplace with you.

614
00:36:03.600 --> 00:36:05.840
Gentlemen, you ask her out, you shoot your shot,

615
00:36:05.840 --> 00:36:08.960
you get, you know, and maybe, and you guys,

616
00:36:08.960 --> 00:36:12.520
let's not forget that dating apps are also communities.

617
00:36:12.520 --> 00:36:13.360
Right?

618
00:36:13.360 --> 00:36:14.200
Those are communities.

619
00:36:14.200 --> 00:36:16.080
All the people that you're swiping on,

620
00:36:16.080 --> 00:36:18.280
all those people are level one.

621
00:36:18.280 --> 00:36:20.520
You're in community with those people.

622
00:36:20.520 --> 00:36:23.800
And so treat them with respect.

623
00:36:25.200 --> 00:36:28.560
You decide to join that Hinge app or that Bumble app

624
00:36:28.560 --> 00:36:29.640
or Facebook dating.

625
00:36:29.640 --> 00:36:31.120
You were in community with those people.

626
00:36:31.120 --> 00:36:32.440
So treat them with respect.

627
00:36:32.440 --> 00:36:34.480
If you don't like what their profile says,

628
00:36:34.480 --> 00:36:36.200
you know, you can swipe left on them.

629
00:36:36.200 --> 00:36:38.080
That's fine.

630
00:36:38.080 --> 00:36:38.920
Okay?

631
00:36:39.840 --> 00:36:41.360
But a lot of you end up seeing people

632
00:36:41.360 --> 00:36:42.980
that you know on those apps,

633
00:36:42.980 --> 00:36:45.840
people that you know from other communities on those apps.

634
00:36:45.840 --> 00:36:49.320
And then you're like, oh, I don't know what to do right now.

635
00:36:49.320 --> 00:36:50.520
I recognize this person.

636
00:36:50.520 --> 00:36:53.160
This person goes to my church or I work with this person.

637
00:36:53.160 --> 00:36:54.440
And then what do you do?

638
00:36:54.440 --> 00:36:55.840
Well, you treat them with respect.

639
00:36:55.840 --> 00:36:58.880
If you think that it would be not a good thing to,

640
00:36:58.880 --> 00:37:01.720
you know, swipe right on them because you work with them

641
00:37:01.720 --> 00:37:04.960
and, you know, at your job, you're not allowed to date,

642
00:37:04.960 --> 00:37:06.520
then go ahead and swipe left.

643
00:37:07.760 --> 00:37:10.360
Just because you see them on a dating app

644
00:37:10.360 --> 00:37:12.640
and you know them in community, please hear me,

645
00:37:12.640 --> 00:37:14.440
does not make it a sign from God.

646
00:37:17.680 --> 00:37:18.520
Oh, wow.

647
00:37:19.840 --> 00:37:20.680
My God.

648
00:37:21.680 --> 00:37:24.600
I see this, this guy.

649
00:37:24.600 --> 00:37:25.640
I work with him.

650
00:37:25.640 --> 00:37:27.000
I recognize him.

651
00:37:27.000 --> 00:37:30.060
You know, it must be, oh, no, that's not true.

652
00:37:31.760 --> 00:37:34.660
Especially if your work has a no dating policy.

653
00:37:37.800 --> 00:37:38.640
Good teaching, Jackie.

654
00:37:38.640 --> 00:37:40.040
You don't want to get him in trouble.

655
00:37:40.040 --> 00:37:41.960
Good teaching, Jackie.

656
00:37:41.960 --> 00:37:44.000
You don't want to get in trouble.

657
00:37:44.000 --> 00:37:45.760
You don't want to get him in trouble.

658
00:37:47.040 --> 00:37:48.480
It's not a sign.

659
00:37:48.480 --> 00:37:49.320
Okay?

660
00:37:49.320 --> 00:37:53.000
Now, if there isn't any weirdness around it

661
00:37:53.000 --> 00:37:54.920
and you're like, oh, that's interesting.

662
00:37:54.920 --> 00:37:57.080
They're on here, I'm on here.

663
00:37:57.080 --> 00:37:59.720
If you're bold enough, you could go ahead and swipe right.

664
00:37:59.720 --> 00:38:00.800
See what happens.

665
00:38:00.800 --> 00:38:04.560
Hopefully they will, if they see you as well,

666
00:38:04.560 --> 00:38:07.520
it will at least be a respectful interaction.

667
00:38:07.520 --> 00:38:08.600
Because remember, we want to,

668
00:38:08.600 --> 00:38:12.960
if you see any of your friends here on dating apps

669
00:38:12.960 --> 00:38:14.560
and you know that they're not someone

670
00:38:14.560 --> 00:38:17.280
that you're interested in like that, then it's okay.

671
00:38:17.280 --> 00:38:18.360
It's okay to swipe left.

672
00:38:18.360 --> 00:38:19.680
You don't have to feel guilty about it.

673
00:38:19.680 --> 00:38:21.040
It's okay to do that.

674
00:38:21.040 --> 00:38:23.840
All right, so we got to level two now.

675
00:38:23.840 --> 00:38:25.000
The get to know you stage.

676
00:38:25.000 --> 00:38:28.640
This is the get to know me better stage.

677
00:38:28.640 --> 00:38:30.680
Also referred to as the talking stage,

678
00:38:30.680 --> 00:38:34.560
also referred to as the low stakes hangouts, dating stage.

679
00:38:34.560 --> 00:38:37.600
But as you go on more and more dates

680
00:38:37.600 --> 00:38:40.840
with the same person at this level two place,

681
00:38:40.840 --> 00:38:43.240
it is normal for those conversations

682
00:38:43.240 --> 00:38:45.560
to get deeper and deeper and deeper.

683
00:38:45.560 --> 00:38:46.960
I want you to think of yourself

684
00:38:46.960 --> 00:38:51.000
as starting out in the shallow end of the pool

685
00:38:51.000 --> 00:38:52.640
on level two dates.

686
00:38:54.120 --> 00:38:55.560
Okay?

687
00:38:55.560 --> 00:39:00.560
And then walking towards the deep end of the pool

688
00:39:00.760 --> 00:39:04.440
until it gets to a place where you can no longer walk

689
00:39:04.440 --> 00:39:05.640
and now you got to swim.

690
00:39:07.360 --> 00:39:09.240
That should be the pacing.

691
00:39:09.240 --> 00:39:11.320
And that pacing might go faster.

692
00:39:11.320 --> 00:39:12.840
Some of you might find yourself

693
00:39:12.840 --> 00:39:15.800
in the deeper end of conversations with this person

694
00:39:15.800 --> 00:39:17.640
by three dates in.

695
00:39:19.560 --> 00:39:21.480
As long as it feels healthy

696
00:39:21.480 --> 00:39:24.400
and it doesn't feel like oversharing afterwards

697
00:39:24.400 --> 00:39:26.800
and after, you know, you'll know.

698
00:39:26.800 --> 00:39:28.280
If you've been talking about things

699
00:39:28.280 --> 00:39:31.960
that are like kind of way above the pay grade

700
00:39:31.960 --> 00:39:35.280
of the current connection, after it's over with,

701
00:39:35.280 --> 00:39:38.440
you might feel a little vulnerable

702
00:39:39.800 --> 00:39:43.440
about what you shared with someone that you hardly know.

703
00:39:44.440 --> 00:39:46.200
Okay?

704
00:39:46.200 --> 00:39:49.040
There might also be like a hit of dopamine and excitement

705
00:39:49.040 --> 00:39:51.640
because you've made this deeper emotional connection,

706
00:39:51.640 --> 00:39:55.200
but there's probably simultaneously going to be a little bit

707
00:39:55.200 --> 00:39:57.720
of what I call an emotional hangover.

708
00:39:59.440 --> 00:40:00.280
That means that.

709
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.740
You probably just want to pull back a little bit

710
00:40:04.460 --> 00:40:09.460
and not go as deep as you're getting to know that person.

711
00:40:09.660 --> 00:40:12.900
I had a client, a private client.

712
00:40:12.900 --> 00:40:16.540
She told me that she had been texting with this guy

713
00:40:16.540 --> 00:40:19.660
for a week or so, and that when they showed up

714
00:40:19.660 --> 00:40:24.120
for their face-to-face at coffee, okay?

715
00:40:26.800 --> 00:40:28.620
I forget what the question was that he asked,

716
00:40:28.620 --> 00:40:30.940
but anyway, she answered the question,

717
00:40:30.940 --> 00:40:34.700
and she's sort of a more like reserved personality.

718
00:40:34.700 --> 00:40:38.100
She ended up, because of all the texting before the date,

719
00:40:38.100 --> 00:40:41.780
she ended up sharing a whole lot more than she expected to

720
00:40:41.780 --> 00:40:43.740
because he was kind of easy to talk to,

721
00:40:43.740 --> 00:40:48.740
and she walked away from that time with him,

722
00:40:50.220 --> 00:40:51.620
not feeling good,

723
00:40:51.620 --> 00:40:55.620
but actually feeling like kind of naked, right?

724
00:40:55.620 --> 00:40:58.620
She felt exposed in some ways,

725
00:40:58.620 --> 00:41:01.620
and it actually caused there to be a disconnection

726
00:41:02.940 --> 00:41:05.260
to where, yeah, they did have a good time with each other,

727
00:41:05.260 --> 00:41:08.300
but because they moved emotionally too fast on that date

728
00:41:08.300 --> 00:41:10.340
and there were a lot of really personal things

729
00:41:10.340 --> 00:41:13.660
that were shared, she actually didn't feel comfortable

730
00:41:13.660 --> 00:41:15.500
getting back together with him again,

731
00:41:16.860 --> 00:41:20.100
because she was, what, embarrassed.

732
00:41:21.100 --> 00:41:26.100
So level two expectations that you would go slow

733
00:41:27.900 --> 00:41:29.260
with the connection.

734
00:41:31.580 --> 00:41:34.100
And remember, slow is gonna mean something different

735
00:41:34.100 --> 00:41:34.940
for everyone.

736
00:41:36.540 --> 00:41:38.700
Some of you have never met a stranger,

737
00:41:38.700 --> 00:41:40.660
and you will talk to the person sitting next to you

738
00:41:40.660 --> 00:41:43.260
on the subway and tell them your entire life story.

739
00:41:43.260 --> 00:41:47.620
So for you, slow is that you made it two dates

740
00:41:48.620 --> 00:41:52.060
without telling them about your childhood abuse.

741
00:41:52.060 --> 00:41:52.900
Bravo.

742
00:41:58.100 --> 00:41:58.980
Right?

743
00:41:58.980 --> 00:42:03.980
So pacing yourself is important.

744
00:42:05.420 --> 00:42:07.180
Yes, Mike Anthony, you're correct.

745
00:42:07.180 --> 00:42:08.340
You have never met a stranger.

746
00:42:08.340 --> 00:42:10.300
I met Mike in person just recently,

747
00:42:10.300 --> 00:42:13.060
and there's some of you that are true extroverts,

748
00:42:13.060 --> 00:42:14.620
and y'all gotta slow your roll,

749
00:42:15.620 --> 00:42:20.620
because extroverts can be scary people, they can.

750
00:42:21.860 --> 00:42:23.900
It always reminds me of the opening scenes

751
00:42:23.900 --> 00:42:27.460
of the Mickey Mouse Club or Kids Incorporated

752
00:42:27.460 --> 00:42:28.540
where all the kids are introduced to,

753
00:42:28.540 --> 00:42:32.100
hi, I'm Mickey, how are you today?

754
00:42:32.100 --> 00:42:33.860
You know, like, no.

755
00:42:34.780 --> 00:42:35.980
You know what I'm talking about?

756
00:42:35.980 --> 00:42:38.220
Hi, I'm Penny.

757
00:42:38.220 --> 00:42:41.700
And then the suspenders or whatever, no.

758
00:42:41.700 --> 00:42:44.500
All right, so yes, when you guys get together,

759
00:42:45.100 --> 00:42:48.500
it's a spectacular phenomenon to watch

760
00:42:48.500 --> 00:42:52.100
two extroverts get together, a phenomenon,

761
00:42:52.100 --> 00:42:54.340
monomenum, monomenum.

762
00:42:54.340 --> 00:42:57.820
Bum-ba-na-na-na, na-na-na-na.

763
00:42:57.820 --> 00:42:59.620
I have no idea how to say that word.

764
00:43:01.620 --> 00:43:03.340
Phonetic dyslexia, here we are.

765
00:43:04.220 --> 00:43:08.180
The extroverts get together, and it's crazy to watch.

766
00:43:08.180 --> 00:43:11.140
You're just like, whoa, what just happened?

767
00:43:11.140 --> 00:43:12.980
So if you're on a date with another extrovert,

768
00:43:12.980 --> 00:43:16.940
then there's probably gonna be serious fireworks.

769
00:43:16.940 --> 00:43:20.100
But if not, you might overshare if you're an extrovert.

770
00:43:20.100 --> 00:43:22.660
Is it okay to respond to a guy who reaches out

771
00:43:22.660 --> 00:43:24.380
when you are in a level three relationship

772
00:43:24.380 --> 00:43:26.860
who doesn't know you are in a relationship

773
00:43:26.860 --> 00:43:29.980
just to say thank you, but I am dating someone?

774
00:43:29.980 --> 00:43:31.020
Is it okay to respond?

775
00:43:31.020 --> 00:43:33.660
Yeah, of course you wanna respond, Joanne.

776
00:43:34.820 --> 00:43:38.220
You know, we're not beasts in a field.

777
00:43:38.220 --> 00:43:39.980
They don't know that you're dating someone.

778
00:43:39.980 --> 00:43:43.260
They're not trying to get in on that.

779
00:43:43.260 --> 00:43:44.940
They're just like, hey, how are you doing?

780
00:43:44.940 --> 00:43:45.860
Oh, good.

781
00:43:45.860 --> 00:43:47.220
And you guys don't be worried about it like,

782
00:43:47.220 --> 00:43:51.700
oh, good, but I'm in a relationship, right?

783
00:43:51.700 --> 00:43:53.820
Oh, hey, good, but I'm in a relationship,

784
00:43:53.820 --> 00:43:56.460
so just I'm dead to you now.

785
00:43:56.460 --> 00:43:59.940
No, because you don't know if you're gonna be

786
00:43:59.940 --> 00:44:01.860
in that relationship three months from now,

787
00:44:01.860 --> 00:44:06.300
so you best be nice because this could be someone

788
00:44:06.300 --> 00:44:08.340
that you're gonna circle back around to.

789
00:44:09.300 --> 00:44:10.540
And so let's talk about that.

790
00:44:10.540 --> 00:44:11.860
Okay, we're gonna talk about that

791
00:44:11.860 --> 00:44:13.540
and expectations at level three.

792
00:44:13.540 --> 00:44:14.460
So let's put a pin in that.

793
00:44:14.460 --> 00:44:18.860
You guys remind us how you can talk to people

794
00:44:18.860 --> 00:44:21.500
when they see how you're doing and you're in level three.

795
00:44:21.500 --> 00:44:23.820
Okay, level two, getting to know you.

796
00:44:23.820 --> 00:44:26.140
So put up some expectations that you would have

797
00:44:26.140 --> 00:44:28.700
for the getting to know you talking stage

798
00:44:28.700 --> 00:44:32.460
with someone or with several people.

799
00:44:32.460 --> 00:44:34.100
So that's one of the expectations.

800
00:44:34.100 --> 00:44:37.580
You can expect at the early stages of level two

801
00:44:37.580 --> 00:44:39.660
that you would still be talking to other people

802
00:44:39.660 --> 00:44:42.580
besides this person, if there's anyone to talk to,

803
00:44:44.820 --> 00:44:46.620
if there's anyone to get to know.

804
00:44:46.620 --> 00:44:49.500
You're not locked down, you're not exclusive,

805
00:44:49.500 --> 00:44:52.500
it's not a romantic relationship yet.

806
00:44:52.500 --> 00:44:55.900
One thing that you can have as an expectation at level two

807
00:44:55.900 --> 00:44:58.460
is that there's no sexual contact.

808
00:45:00.960 --> 00:45:09.680
Personally, I would not have sexual contact with someone until later in level two, as it becomes

809
00:45:09.680 --> 00:45:15.280
level three or in level three. And when I say sexual contact, I obviously don't mean sex.

810
00:45:15.280 --> 00:45:21.920
I mean, anything that is romantically based. So we call it romantic contact. I think holding

811
00:45:21.920 --> 00:45:27.360
hands is romantic contact. You might not. I do think it is. I would not hold hands

812
00:45:28.560 --> 00:45:33.520
with a man that I'm not romantically interested in unless it was my child.

813
00:45:39.280 --> 00:45:45.760
Okay. So holding hands, kissing, snuggling, cuddling. I know that there are people that

814
00:45:45.760 --> 00:45:49.280
are just like, oh, well, you know, they came over to watch something and we cuddled,

815
00:45:49.280 --> 00:45:56.160
but you know, it's not romantic. Cuddling's romantic y'all. As romantic. Okay.

816
00:45:59.040 --> 00:46:00.400
It's the most romantic.

817
00:46:01.840 --> 00:46:03.600
I mean, yeah.

818
00:46:07.840 --> 00:46:13.280
In my experiences, cuddling always leads to other things. And so maybe cuddling could just happen

819
00:46:13.280 --> 00:46:19.040
for the sake of cuddling, but yes, when you're, when you're older and married, I think that that's

820
00:46:19.040 --> 00:46:27.120
true. Okay. So kissing, obviously anything else, you know, that you shouldn't be doing all of that

821
00:46:28.640 --> 00:46:35.200
is for those higher levels of relationship. All right. So your expectations at level two

822
00:46:35.200 --> 00:46:45.600
is that it would be, can something be romantic and platonic at the same time? Yes, it can.

823
00:46:47.600 --> 00:46:52.320
Meaning that you're excited about this person, you know, you have some feelings

824
00:46:52.320 --> 00:46:59.520
that are starting to emerge for this person and yet it's still a non-romantic relationship.

825
00:46:59.520 --> 00:47:04.000
Okay.

826
00:47:09.200 --> 00:47:13.760
Okay. Some of you guys are putting up some appropriate questions, expectations of questions

827
00:47:14.720 --> 00:47:20.080
because I think that it's important that you don't make a list of like things that you're going to do

828
00:47:20.800 --> 00:47:28.080
as far as question asking, you know, learn how to have good boundaries. Okay. We have that in this,

829
00:47:28.080 --> 00:47:34.400
in this course. That's why we teach you that. And then go with the flow of, of going from that

830
00:47:34.400 --> 00:47:39.760
shallow end to that deep end. You know, there's going to be like, for instance, say you're getting

831
00:47:39.760 --> 00:47:44.160
to know someone say that you've been on like two dates with them. It's going really well.

832
00:47:44.160 --> 00:47:49.920
You're excited to get to know them better. And then their dog dies. And then they show up

833
00:47:50.880 --> 00:47:59.920
in a very emotional space with you that you. I've only been on two dates with them, but their,

834
00:47:59.920 --> 00:48:04.800
their dog that they love died. And so, you know, you're like, Hey, how are you doing today? Oh,

835
00:48:04.800 --> 00:48:10.080
my dog died. And you know you get on the phone with them or, you know what, they're just a mess

836
00:48:10.080 --> 00:48:14.320
emotionally. They're an emotionally vulnerable place or God forbid, maybe their parent passed

837
00:48:14.320 --> 00:48:20.000
away or something happened as you're getting to know this person that automatically thrust you

838
00:48:20.000 --> 00:48:29.280
into the deeper end of the pool with them. That stuff happens. And if you really like that person

839
00:48:29.280 --> 00:48:32.400
and you're getting to know them and you're like getting to know them, you're not going to be like,

840
00:48:32.400 --> 00:48:37.920
Oh no, no. You know, we can't talk about, you know, your, you know, your, your, your dog that

841
00:48:37.920 --> 00:48:44.960
passed away. I can't be there for you in this situation. Cause I, I, you know, we're only in a

842
00:48:44.960 --> 00:48:49.920
level two relationship. The expectation that you would have at level two is sometimes level two

843
00:48:49.920 --> 00:48:57.920
escalates very quickly to level three because of circumstances. The only thing we don't want

844
00:48:57.920 --> 00:49:03.360
you to have an expectation of is that, you know, you focus on one person and it escalates very

845
00:49:03.360 --> 00:49:07.840
quickly to level three, simply because, you know, you want to get to the romantic parts

846
00:49:08.640 --> 00:49:13.120
because you want to lock it down because you, you know, want to just be done dating.

847
00:49:13.840 --> 00:49:16.400
And so you just want to like, okay, you'll do, I pick you.

848
00:49:20.400 --> 00:49:29.360
Okay. Jackie, I'm sorry. I actually have a question. Yeah, come on. So you brought up

849
00:49:29.360 --> 00:49:35.280
earlier about, you know, the scenarios of like first dates of approaching level two,

850
00:49:35.280 --> 00:49:41.280
like restaurants and coffee shops. It can, can get awkward, especially for the introverted types.

851
00:49:41.280 --> 00:49:46.400
Is there any recommendations or maybe what would you think would be the best,

852
00:49:47.360 --> 00:49:52.320
some of the best options for a first date? Well, you know, we go over that in phase two

853
00:49:53.360 --> 00:49:57.200
at the love story accelerator. So if you guys didn't take that, I don't know really how you

854
00:49:57.200 --> 00:49:59.840
guys couldn't have taken that. But.

855
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:06.300
Um, you know, anything that really lets you see that person's personality come out.

856
00:50:06.300 --> 00:50:07.960
So walks are good.

857
00:50:07.960 --> 00:50:08.960
The zoo.

858
00:50:08.960 --> 00:50:11.240
Someone said the zoo was a first date that they had.

859
00:50:11.240 --> 00:50:12.640
I think that's a great idea.

860
00:50:12.640 --> 00:50:14.240
I think that's super fun.

861
00:50:14.240 --> 00:50:15.240
Movies are not a good idea.

862
00:50:15.240 --> 00:50:19.120
I don't like coffees and restaurants unless you absolutely have to, and that's where you

863
00:50:19.120 --> 00:50:20.120
feel safe.

864
00:50:20.120 --> 00:50:23.520
I don't like hikes or anything in the woods with a stranger.

865
00:50:23.520 --> 00:50:27.680
Don't go into the woods with a stranger y'all mean seriously.

866
00:50:27.680 --> 00:50:30.540
Have you not watched any lifetime movies?

867
00:50:30.540 --> 00:50:34.220
Don't go in the woods with a stranger, no hikes, nothing like that.

868
00:50:34.220 --> 00:50:39.840
Public places, crowded public places like walking around, you know, um, if you live

869
00:50:39.840 --> 00:50:43.080
in a New York city, central park would be a great first date.

870
00:50:43.080 --> 00:50:46.920
The zoo would be a great first date for all of you that live in places like that.

871
00:50:46.920 --> 00:50:53.600
Um, the beach, but not like in a bathing suit beach, but like, you know, taking a walk along

872
00:50:53.600 --> 00:50:57.400
a beach where there's lots of people like on a pier for those who live in California,

873
00:50:58.120 --> 00:51:00.400
going on the pier, different things like that.

874
00:51:00.400 --> 00:51:02.400
Coney Island amusement parks.

875
00:51:02.400 --> 00:51:05.240
Here's the thing about first dates and amusement parks.

876
00:51:05.240 --> 00:51:06.760
That's a long day to be with someone.

877
00:51:06.760 --> 00:51:13.360
If you, they're annoying, I definitely wouldn't do the marathon date for the first date, meaning

878
00:51:13.360 --> 00:51:17.800
that you go someplace where you bought the ticket and you're on the ride places like

879
00:51:17.800 --> 00:51:22.120
Disneyland or Cedar point or six flags, or even SeaWorld.

880
00:51:22.120 --> 00:51:26.080
Someone said, I would not do anything that causes you to have to be with someone all

881
00:51:26.080 --> 00:51:29.600
day long, especially if you're not vibing with them.

882
00:51:29.600 --> 00:51:30.600
Cool.

883
00:51:30.600 --> 00:51:31.600
Perfect.

884
00:51:31.600 --> 00:51:36.120
Now you go out with them a couple of times and you vibe with them and you're like, I

885
00:51:36.120 --> 00:51:39.640
really enjoy this person's personality and company.

886
00:51:39.640 --> 00:51:40.960
Then go, go for it.

887
00:51:40.960 --> 00:51:46.160
Do the, do the marathon date, the eight hour amusement park day.

888
00:51:46.160 --> 00:51:47.640
Okay.

889
00:51:47.640 --> 00:51:49.960
All right.

890
00:51:49.960 --> 00:51:54.800
So level two, I'm glad you asked if that was Jeannie, I'm glad you asked.

891
00:51:54.800 --> 00:52:01.880
And that is the expectations for most level two dates is that they would be short, that

892
00:52:01.880 --> 00:52:06.600
they wouldn't last and in the, in, in all communication at this level.

893
00:52:06.600 --> 00:52:10.680
Now I know y'all break all these rules and rules are meant to be broken.

894
00:52:10.680 --> 00:52:14.360
And so if you're feeling it and it's vibing and it's the way you want it to be, then go

895
00:52:14.360 --> 00:52:15.520
for it.

896
00:52:15.520 --> 00:52:23.560
But as a boundary talking for hours and hours and hours on the phone with someone at level

897
00:52:23.560 --> 00:52:27.680
two, it's not sustainable.

898
00:52:27.680 --> 00:52:32.400
It's not a sustainable thing, which means at some point in the relationship, even if

899
00:52:32.400 --> 00:52:37.080
you get to level three, that communication is going to start to Peter out and what's

900
00:52:37.080 --> 00:52:41.000
going to happen then the person is going to start to think that you're less interested

901
00:52:41.000 --> 00:52:48.120
in them because you spent all this time at three hour phone calls, sharing everything

902
00:52:48.120 --> 00:52:49.760
in the world with each other.

903
00:52:49.760 --> 00:52:54.920
And now you're exclusive at level three, boyfriend and girlfriend, and you can barely

904
00:52:54.920 --> 00:52:58.200
get a 25 minute phone call out of them.

905
00:52:58.200 --> 00:52:59.200
Why?

906
00:52:59.200 --> 00:53:00.800
Because the three hour phone calls, not sustainable.

907
00:53:00.800 --> 00:53:04.800
It should never happen in the first place.

908
00:53:04.800 --> 00:53:09.720
It shouldn't have my husband barely even answers my text messages.

909
00:53:09.720 --> 00:53:12.440
That's not a lie though.

910
00:53:12.440 --> 00:53:13.480
He's not a texter.

911
00:53:13.480 --> 00:53:14.900
And that's the other thing.

912
00:53:15.900 --> 00:53:20.740
You can expect that people have different communication levels and different bandwidth

913
00:53:20.740 --> 00:53:21.740
for communication.

914
00:53:21.740 --> 00:53:27.340
You're like, well, then how can I tell if they're interested in me or not?

915
00:53:27.340 --> 00:53:31.940
The way you can tell is, is that whatever they're, you know, whatever they're, and this

916
00:53:31.940 --> 00:53:35.820
is why I hate the three hour phone call, because maybe that person was super excited.

917
00:53:35.820 --> 00:53:40.080
They talked to you for three hours, but they are not a communicator, a high level communicator

918
00:53:40.080 --> 00:53:41.580
like that.

919
00:53:41.580 --> 00:53:46.040
And then as you go forward in relationship, or you try to go forward, they're less and

920
00:53:46.040 --> 00:53:51.340
less and less communicative because that's the real them.

921
00:53:51.340 --> 00:53:52.340
That's the real them.

922
00:53:52.340 --> 00:53:56.420
They get exhausted by that type of communication.

923
00:53:56.420 --> 00:53:59.660
And so now all of a sudden, you know, you feel like they're either pulling away and

924
00:53:59.660 --> 00:54:05.900
if you have an anxious attachment, that's not good, right?

925
00:54:05.900 --> 00:54:08.780
We see all the anxious attachers, it's not a bad thing.

926
00:54:08.780 --> 00:54:10.460
You just have to learn how to control it.

927
00:54:10.460 --> 00:54:13.940
You've got to learn how to not tell yourself the weird stories that cause you to do weird

928
00:54:13.940 --> 00:54:14.940
things.

929
00:54:14.940 --> 00:54:15.940
Oh, come on.

930
00:54:15.940 --> 00:54:22.780
I know there's more of you than that.

931
00:54:22.780 --> 00:54:26.940
By the way, this is the most, this is the biggest and most popular attachment style

932
00:54:26.940 --> 00:54:28.980
for women.

933
00:54:28.980 --> 00:54:29.980
Anxious attachment.

934
00:54:29.980 --> 00:54:30.980
Okay.

935
00:54:30.980 --> 00:54:35.040
So that's what will happen as an anxious attacher.

936
00:54:35.040 --> 00:54:39.580
If you have these big marathon phone calls, and then all of a sudden that person goes

937
00:54:39.700 --> 00:54:42.780
back to something that's more normal and sustainable for them.

938
00:54:42.780 --> 00:54:49.260
You're going to start to feel some rejection, even though it's not real.

939
00:54:49.260 --> 00:54:51.300
The three hour phone call wasn't real.

940
00:54:51.300 --> 00:54:54.980
Do you guys hear what I'm saying?

941
00:54:54.980 --> 00:54:56.500
That's what was the anomaly.

942
00:54:56.500 --> 00:54:57.660
That was the thing that wasn't real.

943
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.800
Short little 30 minute calls or the text messages

944
00:55:03.800 --> 00:55:07.440
a couple times a day, the calls a couple times a week,

945
00:55:07.440 --> 00:55:08.520
that's more real.

946
00:55:12.240 --> 00:55:13.400
Is someone like getting free

947
00:55:13.400 --> 00:55:15.560
from some missed expectations here?

948
00:55:17.240 --> 00:55:20.360
You know what you can do in level two

949
00:55:20.360 --> 00:55:23.040
as it gets more serious?

950
00:55:23.040 --> 00:55:27.320
You can have a conversation about communication

951
00:55:28.320 --> 00:55:32.000
and about expectations around communication.

952
00:55:32.000 --> 00:55:33.320
You can say to someone,

953
00:55:33.320 --> 00:55:35.960
hey, you know, like what's your communication style?

954
00:55:38.960 --> 00:55:40.920
Some people hate the phone.

955
00:55:40.920 --> 00:55:42.400
Raise your hand if you hate the phone.

956
00:55:42.400 --> 00:55:43.840
Like you would rather have a root canal

957
00:55:43.840 --> 00:55:45.000
than talk on the phone.

958
00:55:46.880 --> 00:55:48.200
In fact, young people don't even know

959
00:55:48.200 --> 00:55:49.960
that the phone works as a phone.

960
00:55:51.000 --> 00:55:53.600
They don't even know that you actually,

961
00:55:53.600 --> 00:55:54.600
like, I'll never forget it.

962
00:55:54.600 --> 00:55:57.040
I forget, I'll never forget it, but I forget.

963
00:55:57.080 --> 00:55:59.760
My son or my daughter or someone was like,

964
00:55:59.760 --> 00:56:00.600
you know what?

965
00:56:00.600 --> 00:56:02.360
They should make something like, you know,

966
00:56:02.360 --> 00:56:04.440
like you can talk into it.

967
00:56:04.440 --> 00:56:07.640
And then the other person receives the message

968
00:56:07.640 --> 00:56:10.320
of you talking and then they talk back

969
00:56:10.320 --> 00:56:11.440
and then you can hear them.

970
00:56:11.440 --> 00:56:12.640
Like you can hear their voice.

971
00:56:12.640 --> 00:56:15.080
I'm like, it's called the phone.

972
00:56:16.000 --> 00:56:18.160
Are you kidding me right now?

973
00:56:21.280 --> 00:56:22.640
I'm like, it has been created.

974
00:56:22.640 --> 00:56:23.960
It's called the phone.

975
00:56:24.440 --> 00:56:28.600
But you guys, that's how this generation communicates

976
00:56:28.600 --> 00:56:30.520
through text message, right?

977
00:56:30.520 --> 00:56:31.720
Through writing, through text,

978
00:56:31.720 --> 00:56:36.200
through a whole hieroglyphic language full of emojis

979
00:56:36.200 --> 00:56:39.400
and shorthand of like letters that mean things.

980
00:56:41.600 --> 00:56:43.080
All right.

981
00:56:43.080 --> 00:56:43.920
I will tell you guys,

982
00:56:43.920 --> 00:56:47.760
hashtag GRWM for the longest time,

983
00:56:47.760 --> 00:56:49.280
I thought it meant grown woman

984
00:56:49.280 --> 00:56:50.720
instead of get ready with me.

985
00:56:54.720 --> 00:56:55.920
That's hilarious.

986
00:56:55.920 --> 00:56:57.680
That is hilarious.

987
00:56:57.680 --> 00:57:00.720
I was posting things about like, you know,

988
00:57:00.720 --> 00:57:02.480
what grown women should want in a man.

989
00:57:02.480 --> 00:57:04.800
And I was hashtagging get ready with me

990
00:57:06.920 --> 00:57:08.360
for the longest time.

991
00:57:09.360 --> 00:57:10.200
Okay.

992
00:57:10.200 --> 00:57:14.360
So having a conversation, do you like to text?

993
00:57:14.360 --> 00:57:15.560
Are you a texter?

994
00:57:15.560 --> 00:57:16.840
Do you like to talk on the phone?

995
00:57:16.840 --> 00:57:18.240
Do you like to video chat?

996
00:57:18.240 --> 00:57:19.920
Some of you get your panties in a wad

997
00:57:19.920 --> 00:57:21.200
because you're like, oh, well, you know,

998
00:57:21.200 --> 00:57:22.520
they don't want to Zoom with me.

999
00:57:22.560 --> 00:57:25.400
And yes, we do want to have that face to face initially,

1000
00:57:25.400 --> 00:57:27.240
make sure they're not a scammer.

1001
00:57:27.240 --> 00:57:29.440
Another expectation for level two

1002
00:57:29.440 --> 00:57:31.760
is that you get to do whatever you need to do

1003
00:57:31.760 --> 00:57:33.320
to prove they're a real person.

1004
00:57:35.040 --> 00:57:36.200
Okay.

1005
00:57:36.200 --> 00:57:38.600
Especially for those of you that are on the apps.

1006
00:57:38.600 --> 00:57:41.280
And if they don't want to do that, then guess what?

1007
00:57:41.280 --> 00:57:43.400
You need to move on immediately

1008
00:57:43.400 --> 00:57:45.320
because they're hiding something.

1009
00:57:45.320 --> 00:57:49.240
If they're not willing to have some sort of connection

1010
00:57:49.240 --> 00:57:51.360
with you that proves to you that,

1011
00:57:51.360 --> 00:57:52.320
and you're not saying to them,

1012
00:57:52.600 --> 00:57:53.800
I want to prove you're a real person.

1013
00:57:53.800 --> 00:57:55.720
But if you're like, hey, let's jump on the phone

1014
00:57:55.720 --> 00:57:57.120
or hey, let's video chat.

1015
00:57:57.120 --> 00:58:00.080
Most apps have a video chat feature now.

1016
00:58:00.080 --> 00:58:02.000
If they're not willing to do that,

1017
00:58:02.000 --> 00:58:04.920
your expectation is that they would be willing to do that

1018
00:58:04.920 --> 00:58:06.440
if they're interested.

1019
00:58:06.440 --> 00:58:08.400
Another expectation for level two,

1020
00:58:08.400 --> 00:58:13.160
if they're interested in you as a potential romantic,

1021
00:58:14.320 --> 00:58:18.000
you know, as a romantic potential,

1022
00:58:18.000 --> 00:58:20.920
they are going to want to get in person with you

1023
00:58:20.960 --> 00:58:22.760
unless it's long distance, of course,

1024
00:58:22.760 --> 00:58:24.480
they're going to want to get in person with you.

1025
00:58:24.480 --> 00:58:26.560
That's another expectation that you can have.

1026
00:58:26.560 --> 00:58:28.440
So if every day that you're talking to them,

1027
00:58:28.440 --> 00:58:29.600
it's like, hey, hi, how are you?

1028
00:58:29.600 --> 00:58:30.440
Hi, how are you?

1029
00:58:30.440 --> 00:58:31.880
And it never leads to a date.

1030
00:58:31.880 --> 00:58:34.600
It's always talking and no dating,

1031
00:58:34.600 --> 00:58:37.000
especially if they're local and within reach,

1032
00:58:37.000 --> 00:58:39.400
then your expectation is that you should move on.

1033
00:58:39.400 --> 00:58:42.640
This person is not in a relationship-minded space

1034
00:58:42.640 --> 00:58:43.480
in their life.

1035
00:58:46.560 --> 00:58:49.120
I know it's so hard to cut people loose

1036
00:58:49.120 --> 00:58:50.800
when you're like, oh, they seem nice.

1037
00:58:51.680 --> 00:58:56.040
They also seem not relationally minded.

1038
00:58:56.040 --> 00:58:58.840
And so if you're serious about getting to know someone

1039
00:58:58.840 --> 00:59:01.400
for the purpose of a romantic connection,

1040
00:59:01.400 --> 00:59:04.160
do not waste your time on the people

1041
00:59:04.160 --> 00:59:06.360
that just want to text you.

1042
00:59:11.000 --> 00:59:12.400
And don't feel bad about it.

1043
00:59:13.800 --> 00:59:15.600
The more space that you make in your life,

1044
00:59:15.600 --> 00:59:17.760
a lot of you complain, I have no time.

1045
00:59:17.760 --> 00:59:20.320
So don't waste your time on people

1046
00:59:20.400 --> 00:59:22.520
who are not interested.

1047
00:59:22.520 --> 00:59:24.320
They don't even have to be scammers.

1048
00:59:24.320 --> 00:59:25.360
They're just on the apps.

1049
00:59:25.360 --> 00:59:27.000
You're like, well, Jackie, why would they be on the apps

1050
00:59:27.000 --> 00:59:28.080
if they're not interested in dating?

1051
00:59:28.080 --> 00:59:30.280
It's a dating app because they want attention

1052
00:59:31.760 --> 00:59:33.160
because they like attention.

1053
00:59:34.920 --> 00:59:37.800
They like to have a conversation with someone

1054
00:59:37.800 --> 00:59:39.720
because remember you swiped on me.

1055
00:59:39.720 --> 00:59:41.360
And so that's an ego boost for me.

1056
00:59:41.360 --> 00:59:42.200
You swiped on me.

1057
00:59:42.200 --> 00:59:43.800
So you must think I'm cute.

1058
00:59:43.800 --> 00:59:45.600
And now we're going to have like a little flirtatious

1059
00:59:45.600 --> 00:59:47.160
conversation or something.

1060
00:59:47.160 --> 00:59:49.480
No, these are dating apps.

1061
00:59:49.480 --> 00:59:52.120
They're not talking flirting apps or dating apps.

1062
00:59:52.120 --> 00:59:53.920
And so if you don't want to go on a date,

1063
00:59:53.920 --> 00:59:57.120
your expectation should be that they want to get on a date

1064
00:59:57.120 --> 01:00:00.080
within three to four conversations.

1065
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.880
And when I say conversations, y'all, I mean like conversations.

1066
01:00:04.720 --> 01:00:07.280
You could have more than one of those in the same day.

1067
01:00:10.720 --> 01:00:15.960
There should be in those preliminary conversations, a invite to let's

1068
01:00:15.960 --> 01:00:17.400
get together and meet in person.

1069
01:00:17.600 --> 01:00:19.720
If there's not goodbye.

1070
01:00:22.880 --> 01:00:25.520
Um, someone said, why do men ask me to move off Facebook app to

1071
01:00:25.520 --> 01:00:27.040
telegram signal or WhatsApp?

1072
01:00:27.400 --> 01:00:29.640
Uh, that that's usually, that's usually a scam.

1073
01:00:31.000 --> 01:00:33.520
It's not always scammers, but it usually is a scam.

1074
01:00:33.760 --> 01:00:38.720
And if a man is not aware that that's what scammers do, um, they're real.

1075
01:00:38.720 --> 01:00:42.080
First of all, there's no reason to move off of a dating app

1076
01:00:42.160 --> 01:00:43.440
to go to a different app.

1077
01:00:44.360 --> 01:00:48.800
Most dating apps have abilities to, you know, voice message, each

1078
01:00:48.800 --> 01:00:51.360
other to video call each other.

1079
01:00:51.520 --> 01:00:53.400
There's no reason to move to another one.

1080
01:00:53.400 --> 01:00:57.280
And so if they insist on doing it, it doesn't make any sense.

1081
01:00:57.600 --> 01:01:01.240
If someone wants to move you off of a dating app to talk to you or get to

1082
01:01:01.240 --> 01:01:05.200
know you better, it better be that they're moving you into an in-person.

1083
01:01:06.400 --> 01:01:06.880
Right?

1084
01:01:09.040 --> 01:01:11.800
There isn't any reason to keep talking somewhere else.

1085
01:01:11.840 --> 01:01:13.600
Let's get together in person.

1086
01:01:13.960 --> 01:01:17.640
And so your other expectation at level two is that you should be

1087
01:01:17.640 --> 01:01:22.240
able to get in person with someone, especially if they're local to you.

1088
01:01:22.640 --> 01:01:28.040
Within a week, two weeks at the most, if they have a busy schedule of meeting

1089
01:01:28.040 --> 01:01:32.040
them, if they say that they want to meet up in person, that you should

1090
01:01:32.040 --> 01:01:38.640
have a planned meetup face-to-face within two weeks of, of meeting that person.

1091
01:01:44.080 --> 01:01:46.920
Renee and Bethany, do you want to weigh in on any of this?

1092
01:01:47.520 --> 01:01:52.520
Yeah, I just definitely, you guys, there seems to always be a lot of excuses

1093
01:01:52.520 --> 01:01:56.120
why people drag on the texting and you're like, how do I stop the texting?

1094
01:01:56.440 --> 01:01:57.760
Stop answering the text.

1095
01:01:58.160 --> 01:02:00.880
Like just say, Hey, you know, those are really great questions.

1096
01:02:00.880 --> 01:02:03.840
Better said in person or on video.

1097
01:02:03.840 --> 01:02:05.080
So it's less clunky.

1098
01:02:05.320 --> 01:02:09.280
And then you just stop answering the questions and you just be really clear

1099
01:02:09.280 --> 01:02:10.480
that you're looking for a date.

1100
01:02:10.480 --> 01:02:12.120
And you're like, Oh, that's a great question.

1101
01:02:12.120 --> 01:02:15.560
And then you just stop answering the questions and you just be really clear

1102
01:02:15.560 --> 01:02:17.400
that you're looking for like the next thing.

1103
01:02:17.400 --> 01:02:20.200
And if they're interested, they're going to book the video date.

1104
01:02:20.200 --> 01:02:21.560
They're going to book a walk.

1105
01:02:21.600 --> 01:02:22.480
They're going to do it.

1106
01:02:22.880 --> 01:02:26.960
And if they're not interested, they will fall off, but let them, let them move it

1107
01:02:26.960 --> 01:02:27.360
along.

1108
01:02:29.400 --> 01:02:29.600
Yeah.

1109
01:02:29.600 --> 01:02:33.280
And you guys just want to always has an excuse if they always have an excuse of,

1110
01:02:33.280 --> 01:02:37.880
Oh, I'm busy at work or, Oh, I was sick or, Oh, I was on vacation or the bleh.

1111
01:02:39.320 --> 01:02:43.760
Once again, when you're getting to know someone, your expectation should be that

1112
01:02:44.280 --> 01:02:46.560
they want to get to know you.

1113
01:02:49.320 --> 01:02:54.160
Because if they don't, for whatever reason, they're not a viable candidate for a

1114
01:02:54.160 --> 01:02:55.240
romantic partnership.

1115
01:02:56.520 --> 01:02:57.880
It doesn't matter what the reason is.

1116
01:02:58.200 --> 01:02:59.400
They're not that interested in you.

1117
01:02:59.400 --> 01:02:59.920
Fine.

1118
01:03:00.240 --> 01:03:03.560
They're too busy and they don't have bandwidth and space in their life for a

1119
01:03:03.560 --> 01:03:04.200
relationship.

1120
01:03:04.200 --> 01:03:04.560
Fine.

1121
01:03:04.560 --> 01:03:05.480
Get off the apps.

1122
01:03:06.400 --> 01:03:09.840
You know, they have a situation ship going on and they're trying to keep their

1123
01:03:09.840 --> 01:03:12.680
options open in case it doesn't work out, whatever.

1124
01:03:12.960 --> 01:03:14.640
It doesn't matter what the reason is.

1125
01:03:14.680 --> 01:03:21.280
All you need to know is this person connected with me and now it's not going

1126
01:03:21.280 --> 01:03:21.920
forward.

1127
01:03:25.000 --> 01:03:29.400
Going to cut my, going to cut my losses of, you know, time because remember any

1128
01:03:29.400 --> 01:03:32.080
time spent getting to know someone, it's not a loss.

1129
01:03:32.120 --> 01:03:34.120
It's good, but you got to go ahead and move on.

1130
01:03:34.480 --> 01:03:36.880
Do you tell them that you are moving on?

1131
01:03:37.080 --> 01:03:37.480
Hmm.

1132
01:03:38.200 --> 01:03:42.360
I mean, back to what Nitton said, I wouldn't ghost anyone.

1133
01:03:42.360 --> 01:03:47.760
So like if they're actively talking to you and yet it's not moving forward, you

1134
01:03:47.760 --> 01:03:52.400
can say to them, Hey, you know, what's it going to take to get off of this app and

1135
01:03:52.400 --> 01:03:53.240
get in person?

1136
01:03:53.880 --> 01:03:56.160
You can drop the hanky hard ladies.

1137
01:03:56.600 --> 01:03:57.080
Okay.

1138
01:03:58.400 --> 01:03:59.080
Seriously.

1139
01:03:59.080 --> 01:04:01.440
That's like a, that's like a 20 pound hanky.

1140
01:04:04.520 --> 01:04:05.640
And that's it.

1141
01:04:06.080 --> 01:04:11.960
If they don't, if they don't realize that, Oh, whoa, gotta get together in person.

1142
01:04:12.040 --> 01:04:13.440
It's time to get together in person.

1143
01:04:13.440 --> 01:04:16.680
If they don't realize that, then you're just, once again, you are wasting your

1144
01:04:16.680 --> 01:04:18.880
time and it's important for you to move on.

1145
01:04:18.880 --> 01:04:19.920
Gentlemen, same thing.

1146
01:04:20.520 --> 01:04:25.600
If she's Hemin and Han and she's giving you excuses and you know, especially

1147
01:04:25.640 --> 01:04:30.480
women, if you ask them on a date and they're like, Oh, I'm washing my hair,

1148
01:04:30.480 --> 01:04:31.720
I'm doing this or that.

1149
01:04:31.760 --> 01:04:32.920
She doesn't want to go out with you.

1150
01:04:33.280 --> 01:04:34.240
Go ahead and just move on.

1151
01:04:34.520 --> 01:04:36.160
And it can be for a lot of different reasons.

1152
01:04:36.160 --> 01:04:37.400
You don't have to take it personally.

1153
01:04:37.880 --> 01:04:42.840
She could be already talking to someone else and she likes that person better.

1154
01:04:42.840 --> 01:04:45.480
And she wants to see where that goes, but she also doesn't

1155
01:04:45.480 --> 01:04:46.800
want to close her options off.

1156
01:04:47.200 --> 01:04:52.800
It could also be that, you know, she is afraid to get together

1157
01:04:52.800 --> 01:04:53.680
with someone in person.

1158
01:04:53.680 --> 01:04:57.720
She's on the app and that's already a big step for her, but she doesn't know

1159
01:04:57.720 --> 01:04:59.480
about meeting up with a stranger.

1160
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.960
stranger from the internet, that could also be a thing.

1161
01:05:02.960 --> 01:05:08.000
And so gentlemen, make sure that you are very chivalrous and very open and authentic.

1162
01:05:08.000 --> 01:05:12.480
If you're going to do anything on apps with women so that they, you can make them feel

1163
01:05:12.480 --> 01:05:15.520
as comfortable as possible.

1164
01:05:15.520 --> 01:05:17.440
Don't share inappropriate feelings too soon.

1165
01:05:17.440 --> 01:05:20.520
Doesn't matter how much you feel like you've known them all your life.

1166
01:05:20.520 --> 01:05:24.300
Don't say stuff like that, especially with someone that you haven't met in person.

1167
01:05:24.300 --> 01:05:28.180
These are things that can cause women to pull back really quickly.

1168
01:05:28.180 --> 01:05:33.420
And so you want to make sure that you're appropriately pacing that conversation and

1169
01:05:33.420 --> 01:05:37.000
then making it clear to her that you want to get together in person.

1170
01:05:37.000 --> 01:05:41.460
If she keeps making excuses of why she can't then to go ahead and move on.

1171
01:05:41.460 --> 01:05:47.340
So once again, level two, your expectations should be that they want to get to know you

1172
01:05:47.340 --> 01:05:49.880
better.

1173
01:05:49.880 --> 01:05:56.660
That being said, if you're going on dates with someone who doesn't ask you anything

1174
01:05:56.660 --> 01:06:03.540
about yourself, all they do is talk the entire time about themselves.

1175
01:06:03.540 --> 01:06:05.540
That's a deal breaker.

1176
01:06:05.540 --> 01:06:06.540
Why?

1177
01:06:06.540 --> 01:06:13.980
Because the expectations at the getting to know you stage level two is that this person

1178
01:06:13.980 --> 01:06:20.740
wants to get to know you.

1179
01:06:20.740 --> 01:06:25.340
If all they're doing is taking you out because they love to just let, you know, to love to

1180
01:06:25.340 --> 01:06:31.500
have someone who's just going to listen to them, talk about themselves for three hours,

1181
01:06:31.500 --> 01:06:35.900
they're going to have to find somebody else.

1182
01:06:35.900 --> 01:06:51.740
Raise your hand if you've had at least one date like that.

1183
01:06:51.740 --> 01:06:54.900
So not everyone is a great conversationalist.

1184
01:06:55.460 --> 01:06:56.820
Some people get nervous and they over-talk.

1185
01:06:56.820 --> 01:07:02.500
It's up to you to discern the difference between what I'm saying and that, okay?

1186
01:07:02.500 --> 01:07:04.340
But I will tell you this.

1187
01:07:04.340 --> 01:07:11.580
If you are on a discovery date with someone, a get to know you better date, and that person

1188
01:07:11.580 --> 01:07:19.780
is more interested in talking about themselves than in asking you questions, that is usually

1189
01:07:19.780 --> 01:07:25.580
not a good harbinger.

1190
01:07:25.580 --> 01:07:29.020
And for those of you that raised your hands that you've been at least one date like that,

1191
01:07:29.020 --> 01:07:33.500
if you went on a second date with them and they did the exact same thing, keep your hand

1192
01:07:33.500 --> 01:07:39.540
up because usually that doesn't improve.

1193
01:07:39.540 --> 01:07:43.780
Now once again, you should be able to discern whether or not this person is just over-talking

1194
01:07:43.780 --> 01:07:46.300
because they're nervous.

1195
01:07:46.300 --> 01:07:51.020
Hopefully you're aware enough about that.

1196
01:07:51.020 --> 01:07:54.940
So the other expectation at level two is this person wants to get to know me.

1197
01:07:54.940 --> 01:08:00.660
They want to ask me questions about myself, but here's another expectation for level two.

1198
01:08:00.660 --> 01:08:05.660
Those questions shouldn't be overly personal, should they?

1199
01:08:05.660 --> 01:08:09.740
You should have the expectation when you're getting to know someone that there are some

1200
01:08:09.740 --> 01:08:15.300
topics that are not on the table.

1201
01:08:15.300 --> 01:08:18.859
And if someone brings up one of those topics and they feel like, you know, they feel really

1202
01:08:18.859 --> 01:08:23.899
comfortable with you and they want to ask you something really personal.

1203
01:08:23.899 --> 01:08:31.100
Like once a girl told me that she had gone on a couple of dates with a guy and before

1204
01:08:31.100 --> 01:08:36.620
their third date, he decided that he wanted to ask her whether or not she was a virgin.

1205
01:08:36.620 --> 01:08:37.620
That's not appropriate.

1206
01:08:37.620 --> 01:08:43.100
It's not because he's only asking for one or two reasons.

1207
01:08:43.100 --> 01:08:48.899
He's asking to find out whether or not she's, you know, willing to have sex outside of marriage

1208
01:08:48.899 --> 01:08:50.380
or you know, whatever.

1209
01:08:50.380 --> 01:08:56.540
It's only asking to kind of like get sex on the docket of things that they can talk about

1210
01:08:56.540 --> 01:08:59.020
or he's super religious.

1211
01:08:59.020 --> 01:09:07.180
And if your answer is no, then he's not interested in, in, in having a relationship any further.

1212
01:09:07.180 --> 01:09:11.420
Both of those reasons are no good, right?

1213
01:09:11.420 --> 01:09:20.660
Someone that you're getting to know their past sex life is none of your business yet.

1214
01:09:20.660 --> 01:09:24.420
Your expectation should be that that would not become someone's business until you are

1215
01:09:24.420 --> 01:09:30.100
in an intentional, committed, exclusive relationship with them.

1216
01:09:30.100 --> 01:09:39.460
And you guys, I use sex because it's always the big one, but there are all kinds of other

1217
01:09:39.460 --> 01:09:44.979
things that would not be appropriate for someone to, you know, be asking you about

1218
01:09:44.979 --> 01:09:45.979
right.

1219
01:09:45.979 --> 01:09:47.859
As you're just getting to know them, go ahead and put those in the chat.

1220
01:09:47.859 --> 01:09:57.940
What do you think some of those things are?

1221
01:09:57.940 --> 01:09:59.940
How many days of messaging, unless they have said they're.

1222
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.820
busy, how long do you go on texting if no phone number or meet up conversation before

1223
01:10:04.820 --> 01:10:09.400
deleting and moving on? I just say a couple conversations, Victoria, if they're not interested

1224
01:10:09.400 --> 01:10:18.600
in meeting up within a couple conversations, just move on.

1225
01:10:18.600 --> 01:10:26.040
Okay.

1226
01:10:26.040 --> 01:10:29.920
So Joel, Joel, and that could kind of go either way. You know, sometimes people get these

1227
01:10:29.920 --> 01:10:34.800
questions from sites of like, what are the best questions to ask a potential partner?

1228
01:10:34.800 --> 01:10:38.280
And so if someone said something like, what, you know, what are the qualities that you

1229
01:10:38.280 --> 01:10:43.980
want in a partner, you know, kind of thing that could be them, like getting that advice

1230
01:10:43.980 --> 01:10:48.360
from some sort of site or some sort of book. Right. Doesn't that sound like something you

1231
01:10:48.360 --> 01:10:52.480
would read in a book or something like that. And so I wouldn't give them a demerit for

1232
01:10:52.480 --> 01:10:57.900
that. Um, and I would just be, I'd be very general in my answering of that. You don't

1233
01:10:57.900 --> 01:11:03.180
have to dig into the nitty gritty. Um, and it's up to you once again, to use your discernment.

1234
01:11:03.180 --> 01:11:07.000
If your gut tells you that something's off, if your gut tells you that, Hey, this person

1235
01:11:07.000 --> 01:11:13.840
is just trying to find out what I'm looking for so that they could become that right.

1236
01:11:13.840 --> 01:11:17.920
And get me into kind of a toxic situation. Cause you're like, people don't do that. Oh,

1237
01:11:17.920 --> 01:11:24.520
Yes they do. Yes they do. And so if you feel like, you know, I definitely wouldn't answer

1238
01:11:24.520 --> 01:11:30.320
that question on an app, Joe Ellen, if someone asked me that as I'm dating them, like on

1239
01:11:30.320 --> 01:11:33.960
going on dates with them, trying to get to know them. And you know, that's one of the

1240
01:11:33.960 --> 01:11:37.600
questions that they asked me one night, like, you know, what qualities are you looking for

1241
01:11:37.600 --> 01:11:44.320
in a partner that is the appropriate framework to even give them a 35,000 foot view of what

1242
01:11:44.320 --> 01:11:49.180
you're looking for. If someone has asked you that just cold on a dating app, they're

1243
01:11:49.180 --> 01:11:55.400
probably a scammer or they're probably someone who has nefarious purposes. Okay. And so you

1244
01:11:55.400 --> 01:12:01.680
don't want to get involved in any kind guys on the dating app itself or any kind of app,

1245
01:12:01.680 --> 01:12:08.480
any kind of community where it's just, you know, virtual and, um, technology don't have

1246
01:12:08.480 --> 01:12:14.000
deep conversations. If you're going to have a deeper conversation, let that be face-to-face

1247
01:12:14.680 --> 01:12:18.600
Whether that's on a zoom call or that's in person as you're getting to know this person

1248
01:12:18.600 --> 01:12:25.840
better. How long has your past relationships lasted? Yeah. Those are all things that need

1249
01:12:25.840 --> 01:12:31.120
to be happening. Those questions are appropriate at the end of level two. You're like why level

1250
01:12:31.120 --> 01:12:34.540
two, not level three, Jackie, because there's going to have to be some connection that's

1251
01:12:34.540 --> 01:12:38.800
being made in level two to get you to level three. People don't just decide to become

1252
01:12:38.800 --> 01:12:43.100
exclusive with people that they don't have connection with. Right. So there has to be

1253
01:12:43.200 --> 01:12:46.860
some sharing that happens as you get to know this person better. And that's why I really

1254
01:12:46.860 --> 01:12:52.780
love the idea of being in the shallow end of the pool and slowly walking towards the

1255
01:12:52.780 --> 01:12:59.820
deep end until, you know, until you're swimming. How many relationships have you had? When's

1256
01:12:59.820 --> 01:13:04.540
the last time you've been on a date? Have you met many people off the apps? All of that

1257
01:13:04.540 --> 01:13:10.020
could be just harmless. And it also could be a setup for something else. It's important

1258
01:13:10.020 --> 01:13:15.540
for you to use your discernment and to do the hard work so that you're not suspicious.

1259
01:13:15.540 --> 01:13:20.540
You're using intuition and not suspicion past abuse info given that's definitely not something

1260
01:13:20.540 --> 01:13:23.860
that you should be giving anyone outside of level three. So let's talk about level three

1261
01:13:23.860 --> 01:13:27.940
because we don't want to run out of time. So level three, what are your expectations

1262
01:13:27.940 --> 01:13:32.340
for level three? If you're going to say yes to being exclusive with someone, gentlemen,

1263
01:13:32.340 --> 01:13:36.660
if you're going to ask a woman to be exclusive with you, then your expectation is going to

1264
01:13:36.660 --> 01:13:47.060
be that this is a courtship. Okay. We're all old enough in here that our girlfriend

1265
01:13:47.060 --> 01:13:53.940
and boyfriend eras are over. Your expectation is, is that this is leading to marriage.

1266
01:13:55.700 --> 01:14:02.500
Level three dating is for mating. Please write that down. Keep it at level two. If this person

1267
01:14:02.500 --> 01:14:07.060
does not have the attributes that you would want to see in a husband, wife, father, mother,

1268
01:14:07.780 --> 01:14:13.700
you know, obviously to your kids, not to you, to your future children or your current children.

1269
01:14:13.700 --> 01:14:20.820
Um, if it's a blended family situation, don't say yes to someone don't go to level three. Don't feel

1270
01:14:20.820 --> 01:14:24.980
I had this one client. She said she always felt like guys liked her better than she liked them.

1271
01:14:24.980 --> 01:14:28.580
And they were always trying to lock her down and exclusivity and take her to level three.

1272
01:14:28.580 --> 01:14:32.820
And she would always say yes. And then she would just like four or five weeks into level

1273
01:14:32.820 --> 01:14:36.180
three. She'd always break up with them. You guys, you don't have to feel bullied

1274
01:14:36.180 --> 01:14:43.860
or coerced or guilted or pressured into level three. If you don't feel like this person has

1275
01:14:43.860 --> 01:14:49.300
the attributes of a future partner, it doesn't mean you want to marry them tomorrow. But if you

1276
01:14:49.300 --> 01:14:54.580
don't see yourself ever marrying them, you don't plan on being at level three with them.

1277
01:14:58.580 --> 01:14:59.380
Right.

1278
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:09.080
Don't go exclusive with someone that does not have, you know, things that you're looking

1279
01:15:09.080 --> 01:15:11.160
for in a life partner.

1280
01:15:11.160 --> 01:15:12.160
Okay.

1281
01:15:12.160 --> 01:15:19.160
So when you do say yes to that, you can expect, I think a very practical expectation is, is

1282
01:15:19.160 --> 01:15:26.760
that you can expect to be at level three with someone no later than, um, three to six months

1283
01:15:26.760 --> 01:15:28.520
into knowing them.

1284
01:15:28.520 --> 01:15:30.400
I would say more on the three month.

1285
01:15:30.400 --> 01:15:38.120
And the reason why I say six is because sometimes people are just really slow, but here's your

1286
01:15:38.120 --> 01:15:39.520
expectation.

1287
01:15:39.520 --> 01:15:44.520
If you're seeing this person regularly at level two, they seem interested in you.

1288
01:15:44.520 --> 01:15:46.040
They seem engaged.

1289
01:15:46.040 --> 01:15:50.360
You know, you're not like, you know, you're not like their, their late night call that

1290
01:15:50.360 --> 01:15:53.240
they make because they're bored or you're not there.

1291
01:15:53.240 --> 01:15:57.920
Their backup plan in case their real plans fall through, they're engaging you.

1292
01:15:57.920 --> 01:15:59.780
You know, you're dating them.

1293
01:15:59.780 --> 01:16:04.760
You're just not girlfriend and boyfriend yet, then that could take, that could take up to

1294
01:16:04.760 --> 01:16:05.760
six months.

1295
01:16:05.760 --> 01:16:17.480
I think it's more on the two to three month kind of train with this age group of people.

1296
01:16:17.480 --> 01:16:20.240
Long distance might take a little bit longer.

1297
01:16:20.240 --> 01:16:21.240
It might happen quicker.

1298
01:16:21.240 --> 01:16:27.080
What are your expectations of at level two with long distance?

1299
01:16:27.080 --> 01:16:32.240
Once again, intentionality, regular communication, right?

1300
01:16:32.240 --> 01:16:36.960
And not oversharing, not trying to make some crazy emotional bond because you're having

1301
01:16:36.960 --> 01:16:41.200
three and four hour, five hour conversations with each other because you're long distance

1302
01:16:41.200 --> 01:16:42.740
level three, long distance.

1303
01:16:42.740 --> 01:16:48.640
You can also expect that this person is making attempts to see you regularly and vice versa

1304
01:16:48.640 --> 01:16:51.840
because you have to work together when it's long distance, share the costs.

1305
01:16:51.840 --> 01:16:56.040
If you have to plan it together, don't just put it on one person because they're a man

1306
01:16:56.040 --> 01:17:00.560
or they're the woman or they should do it or I, you know, uh, you know, no, you guys

1307
01:17:00.560 --> 01:17:03.360
both have to be in it to win it, to make long distance work.

1308
01:17:03.360 --> 01:17:07.640
And we'll do a whole path session sometime on like long distance and different things

1309
01:17:07.640 --> 01:17:08.640
like that.

1310
01:17:08.640 --> 01:17:13.460
But at level three, you can expect that if you're at level three, that this is a relationship

1311
01:17:13.460 --> 01:17:15.200
that can go all the way.

1312
01:17:15.200 --> 01:17:17.520
They could actually be the one.

1313
01:17:17.520 --> 01:17:20.660
And when I say the one, I mean the one in this season, because I believe that there's

1314
01:17:20.660 --> 01:17:24.880
lots of people you could be compatible with, but this is the person that matches where

1315
01:17:24.880 --> 01:17:28.480
you are in life now.

1316
01:17:28.480 --> 01:17:31.520
This could be the person that matches where you are in life now that you could actually

1317
01:17:31.520 --> 01:17:34.880
marry and grow with into the future.

1318
01:17:34.880 --> 01:17:36.120
Otherwise don't go to level three.

1319
01:17:36.120 --> 01:17:40.520
You're like, well, if I don't go to level three, then I'll never really know if there,

1320
01:17:40.520 --> 01:17:45.160
if that, no, that's what you do at level two, especially at the latter stages of level two.

1321
01:17:45.160 --> 01:17:49.760
I want you to really view, especially for the purpose of this community and the levels

1322
01:17:49.760 --> 01:17:53.520
here, I want you to view level three as a courtship.

1323
01:17:53.520 --> 01:17:56.560
It's no longer a dating relationship is now a courtship.

1324
01:17:56.560 --> 01:17:58.480
What's the difference between those two things?

1325
01:17:58.480 --> 01:18:02.320
Marriage mindedness.

1326
01:18:02.320 --> 01:18:03.600
Should you go to level three?

1327
01:18:03.600 --> 01:18:08.160
Here's one of your expectations for a level three relationship that they do want to be

1328
01:18:08.160 --> 01:18:11.600
married.

1329
01:18:11.600 --> 01:18:15.160
Now they haven't decided if it's going to be you yet, but they see potential there and

1330
01:18:15.160 --> 01:18:19.560
they're working towards being able to make that decision because level four is where

1331
01:18:19.640 --> 01:18:25.280
the man says, I want you to be my wife.

1332
01:18:25.280 --> 01:18:29.280
But if this person has told you in level two, over and over again, you like them, you're

1333
01:18:29.280 --> 01:18:30.280
having fun with them.

1334
01:18:30.280 --> 01:18:31.280
You're hanging out.

1335
01:18:31.280 --> 01:18:35.600
You're having such a good time, but they have made it clear that they do not plan to marry.

1336
01:18:35.600 --> 01:18:39.160
Do you go into a level three relationship with that person?

1337
01:18:39.160 --> 01:18:43.160
Do you lock yourself down in exclusivity, hoping that they're going to change their

1338
01:18:43.160 --> 01:18:46.160
mind someday when they realize how amazing you are?

1339
01:18:46.560 --> 01:18:52.000
Gentlemen, this goes for you too.

1340
01:18:52.000 --> 01:18:55.800
The other expectation that you can have at level three is that this person has cleared

1341
01:18:55.800 --> 01:19:00.000
space in their life for you.

1342
01:19:00.000 --> 01:19:01.880
I don't care if they own their own business.

1343
01:19:01.880 --> 01:19:06.560
I don't care if they're a CEO of a company and they have all kinds of moving parts.

1344
01:19:06.560 --> 01:19:10.720
If they're a single mom or dad and they have shared parenting and they have all kinds,

1345
01:19:10.720 --> 01:19:20.200
if they do not make space for you, then that is not a relationship that can be sustainable.

1346
01:19:20.200 --> 01:19:25.940
So your expectation at level three is that this person is asking you to be exclusive

1347
01:19:25.940 --> 01:19:31.240
with them because they are telling you, I want, I want to see if we can go all the way

1348
01:19:31.240 --> 01:19:32.560
to getting married.

1349
01:19:32.560 --> 01:19:36.800
And because I want to see if we can go all the way to getting married, I'm making space

1350
01:19:36.800 --> 01:19:38.000
in my life for this.

1351
01:19:38.000 --> 01:19:40.580
This has become a priority at level three.

1352
01:19:40.580 --> 01:19:54.500
You can expect to be a top priority in that person's life.

1353
01:19:54.500 --> 01:19:58.940
Do not, I repeat, do not make someone a priority.

1354
01:19:58.940 --> 01:20:00.020
If you're just an option.

1355
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:07.560
We can put that on a bumper sticker and sell it all day long.

1356
01:20:07.560 --> 01:20:08.560
Okay.

1357
01:20:08.560 --> 01:20:11.800
Don't do it.

1358
01:20:11.800 --> 01:20:19.480
Do not hope at level three that they are going to become what you want them to be.

1359
01:20:19.480 --> 01:20:20.480
Please believe.

1360
01:20:20.480 --> 01:20:24.060
And this is why I love people to stay at level two for as long as possible, even in those

1361
01:20:24.060 --> 01:20:30.680
latter stages of level two, where things are getting deeper and more intimate, because

1362
01:20:30.680 --> 01:20:40.800
when you go to level three, you need to know that should you get married to this person,

1363
01:20:40.800 --> 01:20:45.220
you could deal with whatever it is that you don't really like about them that much.

1364
01:20:45.220 --> 01:20:49.300
And I will tell you, you'll find out more that you don't like about them in level three.

1365
01:20:49.300 --> 01:20:53.180
And that's why breaking up at level three is much better than breaking up at level four,

1366
01:20:53.180 --> 01:21:00.420
which is breaking in engagement, a promise, a betrothal.

1367
01:21:00.420 --> 01:21:03.540
So yes, there's going to be more and more and more and more stuff that happens and comes

1368
01:21:03.540 --> 01:21:04.540
out in level three.

1369
01:21:04.540 --> 01:21:07.420
But I'm going to tell you so many people get to level three that should have never gotten

1370
01:21:07.420 --> 01:21:08.420
to level three.

1371
01:21:08.420 --> 01:21:10.940
They had no business being at level three with each other.

1372
01:21:10.940 --> 01:21:14.380
You saw what you needed to see at level two, but you were hoping that it was going to change

1373
01:21:14.380 --> 01:21:15.380
at level three.

1374
01:21:15.380 --> 01:21:16.380
And it didn't.

1375
01:21:17.180 --> 01:21:21.700
So if you already see all the red flags at level two, why would you even bother?

1376
01:21:21.700 --> 01:21:27.420
Um, Jackie, a question.

1377
01:21:27.420 --> 01:21:35.500
What about reciprocation in every from level one, two, and three?

1378
01:21:35.500 --> 01:21:39.980
Level one community, there's not really any reciprocal, there's not, there's no reciprocation

1379
01:21:39.980 --> 01:21:42.500
because there's not really anything going on, right?

1380
01:21:42.500 --> 01:21:46.140
We can just expect respect for respect and all the different things, kindness, we talked

1381
01:21:46.900 --> 01:21:48.060
about that level two.

1382
01:21:48.060 --> 01:21:53.900
We already said, if this person is not showing signs of, you know, being interested in what

1383
01:21:53.900 --> 01:21:58.100
you're here to do, which does meet your mate, you know, they're not interested in getting

1384
01:21:58.100 --> 01:21:59.380
to know you better.

1385
01:21:59.380 --> 01:22:02.180
They're not interested in making any kind of time to get to know you better.

1386
01:22:02.180 --> 01:22:05.420
Cause remember that's the get to know you better level.

1387
01:22:05.420 --> 01:22:14.060
And so if they're not willing to do that, then you shouldn't be wasting your time.

1388
01:22:14.060 --> 01:22:15.060
You shouldn't.

1389
01:22:15.060 --> 01:22:18.940
So at level two, you guys, if you're texting with someone and then they fall off and then

1390
01:22:18.940 --> 01:22:21.980
they resurface six, seven days later and be like, Oh, sorry.

1391
01:22:21.980 --> 01:22:23.540
You know, I got sick.

1392
01:22:23.540 --> 01:22:29.140
You can't send a text message and say that you're not feeling good.

1393
01:22:29.140 --> 01:22:32.060
That's pretty much showing you that what you need to know about this person.

1394
01:22:32.060 --> 01:22:37.020
And that is that they're really just not that focused on getting to know you better.

1395
01:22:37.020 --> 01:22:43.540
Are they, they got a whole lot of stuff going on in their lives.

1396
01:22:43.540 --> 01:22:44.580
They don't.

1397
01:22:45.100 --> 01:22:52.860
So if you're messaging with someone and then they disappear and then they come back and

1398
01:22:52.860 --> 01:22:54.020
they have some kind of excuse.

1399
01:22:54.020 --> 01:22:58.700
And we talked about this knit and you know, the excuses that people continue to make excuses

1400
01:22:58.700 --> 01:23:03.260
about why they fall off or why their communication changes and all the different things there

1401
01:23:03.260 --> 01:23:05.940
just don't have the bandwidth for relationship.

1402
01:23:05.940 --> 01:23:12.700
Guys, you want to spend your time getting to know people in level two that want to get

1403
01:23:12.740 --> 01:23:18.340
to know you.

1404
01:23:18.340 --> 01:23:23.820
It's really easy to see who those people are because they're going to be intentional, aren't

1405
01:23:23.820 --> 01:23:26.220
they?

1406
01:23:26.220 --> 01:23:31.100
And if, and if they're not intentional, it's not going to be an all the time thing.

1407
01:23:31.100 --> 01:23:34.620
It's going to be an outlier.

1408
01:23:34.620 --> 01:23:38.500
And then that's when you can believe the excuse because you've seen what they're like.

1409
01:23:38.500 --> 01:23:42.740
And then all of a sudden, you know, they get called away on a work trip or something

1410
01:23:42.740 --> 01:23:43.740
happens.

1411
01:23:43.740 --> 01:23:49.780
You guys, you, you do realize that we're all grown folk here.

1412
01:23:49.780 --> 01:23:54.060
And so that means that when people get to their thirties, forties, fifties, I know we

1413
01:23:54.060 --> 01:23:57.020
have a couple of 20 year olds in here, but people get to their late twenties, thirties,

1414
01:23:57.020 --> 01:23:58.660
forties, fifties, sixties.

1415
01:23:58.660 --> 01:24:04.500
If they don't know how to treat others by now, then you might as well not even bother.

1416
01:24:04.500 --> 01:24:07.500
Right?

1417
01:24:07.500 --> 01:24:16.140
So common courtesy, when you're getting to know someone, regardless of who that person

1418
01:24:16.140 --> 01:24:22.220
is, whether it's a platonic relationship or potential romantic relationship.

1419
01:24:22.220 --> 01:24:26.700
Now I don't want you to judge people on their texting frequency or anything like that.

1420
01:24:26.700 --> 01:24:31.420
Because once again, you have to talk to people about what kind of capacity for communication

1421
01:24:31.420 --> 01:24:33.140
they have.

1422
01:24:33.140 --> 01:24:35.820
Some people come to me and they say, Hey, when we're in person, it's amazing.

1423
01:24:35.820 --> 01:24:36.820
It's wonderful.

1424
01:24:37.140 --> 01:24:39.180
And then in between dates, they always ask me out again.

1425
01:24:39.180 --> 01:24:40.740
They're always like, Hey, do you want to do this again?

1426
01:24:40.740 --> 01:24:42.020
I really want to do this again.

1427
01:24:42.020 --> 01:24:44.940
But in between dates, there's not a lot of communication.

1428
01:24:44.940 --> 01:24:48.540
Well, that means that that person does not like to communicate over technology.

1429
01:24:48.540 --> 01:24:51.460
They like to communicate in person.

1430
01:24:51.460 --> 01:24:56.980
That's not a deal breaker as long as they're consistent and intentional.

1431
01:24:56.980 --> 01:24:57.980
It's going forward.

1432
01:24:57.980 --> 01:24:58.980
Right?

1433
01:24:58.980 --> 01:24:59.860
And that's what you're judging at level two.

1434
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:01.400
is going forward.

1435
01:25:04.200 --> 01:25:07.920
Level three, when you are in relationship with someone,

1436
01:25:07.920 --> 01:25:09.800
you, and you're exclusive with them,

1437
01:25:09.800 --> 01:25:13.120
you can expect that they have made space for you

1438
01:25:13.120 --> 01:25:16.080
in their life, and you could expect regular

1439
01:25:17.040 --> 01:25:21.560
and continuously deeper communication.

1440
01:25:24.700 --> 01:25:28.240
If that person has not told you that much about their past

1441
01:25:28.240 --> 01:25:31.840
or their life, or really opened up or shared anything,

1442
01:25:31.840 --> 01:25:34.440
you know, with you from their heart,

1443
01:25:34.440 --> 01:25:36.200
leading up to level three,

1444
01:25:36.200 --> 01:25:38.480
or just little tiny tidbits, but not a lot,

1445
01:25:38.480 --> 01:25:40.360
you can expect at level three,

1446
01:25:40.360 --> 01:25:43.240
that you're going to get to know a whole lot more

1447
01:25:43.240 --> 01:25:46.360
about how they feel about things,

1448
01:25:46.360 --> 01:25:48.600
where they've been, what's happened to them.

1449
01:25:48.600 --> 01:25:52.400
All of those things are very important for you to know.

1450
01:25:52.400 --> 01:25:55.680
And once again, slow and steady wins the race.

1451
01:25:55.680 --> 01:25:58.120
Don't try to have like a marathon,

1452
01:26:00.620 --> 01:26:04.960
emotional Pandora's box situation.

1453
01:26:06.240 --> 01:26:07.640
All right, don't do that.

1454
01:26:07.640 --> 01:26:11.680
But you can't ever say yes to marrying someone

1455
01:26:11.680 --> 01:26:13.960
and get to level four engagement

1456
01:26:13.960 --> 01:26:16.680
if you don't really know who this person is.

1457
01:26:18.200 --> 01:26:19.580
So many people do that.

1458
01:26:21.480 --> 01:26:22.760
They do.

1459
01:26:22.760 --> 01:26:25.320
They never talk about anything really deep,

1460
01:26:26.320 --> 01:26:30.400
y'all, I just had a coaching call with a very sweet couple.

1461
01:26:30.400 --> 01:26:33.200
Well, just one of the members of the couple.

1462
01:26:33.200 --> 01:26:35.820
And it's a success story from this community.

1463
01:26:35.820 --> 01:26:37.060
They didn't meet in this community,

1464
01:26:37.060 --> 01:26:39.480
but one of them was in this community.

1465
01:26:39.480 --> 01:26:43.160
And the reason why the coaching call was happening

1466
01:26:43.160 --> 01:26:45.800
was because now that they're married,

1467
01:26:45.800 --> 01:26:48.400
they just happen to be having like a conversation

1468
01:26:48.400 --> 01:26:50.600
about deeper spiritual things.

1469
01:26:50.600 --> 01:26:55.160
And one of them found out that the other one of them

1470
01:26:56.000 --> 01:26:57.000
is a Mormon.

1471
01:26:59.560 --> 01:27:02.300
But they didn't know that before they got married.

1472
01:27:05.560 --> 01:27:08.720
And you know, I shouldn't even say Mormon, Latter-day Saint.

1473
01:27:09.640 --> 01:27:11.580
That's what people in the LDS church say.

1474
01:27:11.580 --> 01:27:12.880
They don't call themselves Mormons.

1475
01:27:12.880 --> 01:27:15.840
I don't even know why we say that, Latter-day Saint.

1476
01:27:17.400 --> 01:27:20.680
And I was like, what, what, what do you mean?

1477
01:27:20.680 --> 01:27:23.420
How did this, how is this not known before?

1478
01:27:25.680 --> 01:27:28.520
Oh, well, you know, we talk about Jesus and stuff.

1479
01:27:28.520 --> 01:27:31.880
You know, they didn't talk about any kind of theology.

1480
01:27:31.880 --> 01:27:33.320
They both love Jesus.

1481
01:27:33.320 --> 01:27:35.800
Talk about Jesus, you know.

1482
01:27:37.480 --> 01:27:39.760
Go to church, you know.

1483
01:27:39.760 --> 01:27:42.480
The guy would go to the woman's church, you know, and stuff.

1484
01:27:42.480 --> 01:27:43.920
And so the bottom line is,

1485
01:27:43.920 --> 01:27:48.240
is that you have to have deeper conversations with people.

1486
01:27:48.240 --> 01:27:49.640
And I think sometimes people

1487
01:27:49.640 --> 01:27:51.200
don't have deeper conversations

1488
01:27:51.200 --> 01:27:53.560
because they don't want to find out something

1489
01:27:53.560 --> 01:27:55.660
that would cause it to be a deal breaker.

1490
01:27:58.240 --> 01:28:00.240
Your expectation at level three

1491
01:28:00.240 --> 01:28:03.440
is that you really would start to very much

1492
01:28:03.440 --> 01:28:06.760
get to know this person deeper and deeper, right?

1493
01:28:06.760 --> 01:28:08.520
Then at level four, of course,

1494
01:28:08.520 --> 01:28:10.400
you should know where all the bodies are buried

1495
01:28:10.400 --> 01:28:13.560
by the time you say yes to this person, to marry them.

1496
01:28:13.560 --> 01:28:15.800
And at level four, you can really expect,

1497
01:28:15.800 --> 01:28:17.040
here's the biggest expectation

1498
01:28:17.040 --> 01:28:18.720
that I want to share about level four,

1499
01:28:18.720 --> 01:28:20.400
that you really see that this person

1500
01:28:20.400 --> 01:28:22.860
is going to leave and cleave to you.

1501
01:28:24.560 --> 01:28:27.880
I can't tell you how many people in this community

1502
01:28:27.880 --> 01:28:28.920
that have gotten married

1503
01:28:28.920 --> 01:28:32.920
have had all kinds of in-law and out-law issues

1504
01:28:32.920 --> 01:28:35.080
with not being able to leave and cleave.

1505
01:28:35.080 --> 01:28:36.320
Letting the people in their lives,

1506
01:28:36.320 --> 01:28:39.280
whether they're friends or pastors or family,

1507
01:28:39.280 --> 01:28:42.820
have way too much input in the relationship.

1508
01:28:43.920 --> 01:28:45.600
You should have a huge expectation.

1509
01:28:45.600 --> 01:28:47.200
If I'm going to marry this person,

1510
01:28:47.200 --> 01:28:52.200
it's going to be us two making these decisions together.

1511
01:28:53.080 --> 01:28:56.080
It's not going to be a conference call, right?

1512
01:29:00.400 --> 01:29:02.760
Another expectation that you can have,

1513
01:29:02.760 --> 01:29:04.280
and you should really have it at level three,

1514
01:29:04.280 --> 01:29:05.800
going into level four,

1515
01:29:05.800 --> 01:29:08.160
is that if the person has a former spouse

1516
01:29:08.160 --> 01:29:11.400
and they have children, that you're on the same page.

1517
01:29:11.400 --> 01:29:12.840
You can have an expectation

1518
01:29:12.840 --> 01:29:15.440
that you put together a parenting plan.

1519
01:29:16.440 --> 01:29:21.040
You put together a financial plan together

1520
01:29:21.640 --> 01:29:25.240
at the very end stages of level three into level four.

1521
01:29:28.120 --> 01:29:29.960
You know how many people I see that get married

1522
01:29:29.960 --> 01:29:31.400
and they think, oh, it'll all work out.

1523
01:29:31.400 --> 01:29:32.240
It'll all be fine.

1524
01:29:32.240 --> 01:29:34.200
You know, oh, you know, how hard could it be

1525
01:29:34.200 --> 01:29:35.360
to have a blended family?

1526
01:29:35.360 --> 01:29:36.400
Ha, ha, ha, ha.

1527
01:29:36.400 --> 01:29:38.120
Let's all just laugh at that.

1528
01:29:38.120 --> 01:29:39.360
It can be really hard,

1529
01:29:39.360 --> 01:29:41.160
and it could totally destroy your marriage.

1530
01:29:41.160 --> 01:29:43.200
You know how many second marriages end in divorce?

1531
01:29:43.200 --> 01:29:45.680
And you know the number one reason why they end in divorce?

1532
01:29:45.680 --> 01:29:49.240
Blended family and money

1533
01:29:49.240 --> 01:29:50.480
that has to do with blended family

1534
01:29:51.320 --> 01:29:52.640
and child support and all the things.

1535
01:29:52.640 --> 01:29:54.840
So you can have an expectation

1536
01:29:54.840 --> 01:29:57.120
that this person would go into an extensive

1537
01:29:58.160 --> 01:29:59.920
premarital coaching.

1538
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:04.560
situation with you to talk about all the hard things

1539
01:30:04.560 --> 01:30:06.800
and to put together a plan

1540
01:30:06.800 --> 01:30:09.860
which you guys are going to stick to after you're married.

1541
01:30:13.440 --> 01:30:16.660
When it comes to getting married in the year 2024,

1542
01:30:16.660 --> 01:30:19.400
if you fail to plan, you will plan to fail.

1543
01:30:22.220 --> 01:30:25.480
Don't think that love is enough.

1544
01:30:25.480 --> 01:30:27.760
Because first of all, you don't even know what love is yet

1545
01:30:27.760 --> 01:30:29.000
in this relationship.

1546
01:30:30.480 --> 01:30:32.340
You only really truly start loving that person

1547
01:30:32.340 --> 01:30:35.040
after you're married to them and you go through some things.

1548
01:30:36.040 --> 01:30:39.400
When people get married at that point of saying I do,

1549
01:30:39.400 --> 01:30:41.200
depending on how long they've been together,

1550
01:30:41.200 --> 01:30:43.340
mostly it's lust still.

1551
01:30:45.000 --> 01:30:49.480
Mostly it's a superficial form of conditional love.

1552
01:30:52.240 --> 01:30:57.240
And hopefully a lot of peace and confirmation in your heart

1553
01:30:57.320 --> 01:30:59.440
that this is just gonna grow and grow and grow

1554
01:30:59.440 --> 01:31:02.480
and go from superficial to supernatural.

1555
01:31:03.720 --> 01:31:04.760
It's gonna go to surface.

1556
01:31:04.760 --> 01:31:07.640
Oh, I like the way you look and I'm so excited about you

1557
01:31:07.640 --> 01:31:09.880
and attracted to you and you make me laugh

1558
01:31:09.880 --> 01:31:12.880
to the deeper things of, I'll go to war with you.

1559
01:31:14.000 --> 01:31:17.740
Not with you, but with you, side by side, right?

1560
01:31:18.800 --> 01:31:21.480
We're gonna kick butts and take names later for the kingdom.

1561
01:31:21.480 --> 01:31:22.440
I trust you.

1562
01:31:22.440 --> 01:31:23.600
You got my back.

1563
01:31:24.320 --> 01:31:26.320
What's love got to do with it?

1564
01:31:26.320 --> 01:31:28.960
Oh, love, agape love has a lot to do with it,

1565
01:31:28.960 --> 01:31:30.840
but that's something that you have to grow and grow

1566
01:31:30.840 --> 01:31:32.080
and grow and grow in.

1567
01:31:32.080 --> 01:31:35.000
And you guys, I hope that this sounds really unromantic

1568
01:31:35.000 --> 01:31:37.280
to you because marriage is not romantic.

1569
01:31:39.680 --> 01:31:41.080
It isn't.

1570
01:31:41.080 --> 01:31:43.120
There are romantic aspects to marriage,

1571
01:31:43.120 --> 01:31:46.960
but marriage in and of itself is not a romantic proposition.

1572
01:31:48.840 --> 01:31:51.360
And I'm not saying that marriage is not romantic.

1573
01:31:51.480 --> 01:31:54.480
I'm saying that marriage is not a romantic proposition.

1574
01:32:00.480 --> 01:32:01.760
You guys know that we have a SEMPAS class,

1575
01:32:01.760 --> 01:32:02.800
Save Your Marriage Before It Starts.

1576
01:32:02.800 --> 01:32:04.640
I'm a certified facilitator of that.

1577
01:32:04.640 --> 01:32:06.720
I implemented it because I saw so many people

1578
01:32:06.720 --> 01:32:08.360
getting married in this program right away

1579
01:32:08.360 --> 01:32:10.560
and I knew that they needed extra training.

1580
01:32:10.560 --> 01:32:12.880
We have other certified facilitators like Bethany

1581
01:32:12.880 --> 01:32:14.800
and her husband, Brian, and other people.

1582
01:32:14.800 --> 01:32:17.920
And it stands for Save Your Marriage Before It Starts.

1583
01:32:17.920 --> 01:32:19.800
And I will tell you that there are several different

1584
01:32:19.840 --> 01:32:20.680
types of people that get married in this program

1585
01:32:20.680 --> 01:32:23.760
and it assesses you on a computer,

1586
01:32:27.560 --> 01:32:29.320
a computer generated assessment.

1587
01:32:29.320 --> 01:32:32.400
You take a quiz basically, and it spits out an assessment

1588
01:32:32.400 --> 01:32:33.840
on what kinds you are.

1589
01:32:33.840 --> 01:32:36.400
And one of the types of personality types

1590
01:32:36.400 --> 01:32:39.320
of people that get married is a resolute personality.

1591
01:32:39.320 --> 01:32:42.360
They understand that marriage is not a romantic proposition,

1592
01:32:42.360 --> 01:32:46.040
that it's a partnership, right?

1593
01:32:46.040 --> 01:32:48.280
And it's the most important partnership

1594
01:32:48.280 --> 01:32:49.880
outside of your partnership with Christ

1595
01:32:49.880 --> 01:32:51.720
that you'll ever have in your whole life.

1596
01:32:51.720 --> 01:32:53.920
It's a make you or break you situation.

1597
01:32:53.920 --> 01:32:55.480
But there's another category of people.

1598
01:32:55.480 --> 01:32:58.000
There's like four categories of different

1599
01:32:58.000 --> 01:33:01.480
like mindsets about marriage, it's called marriage mindsets.

1600
01:33:01.480 --> 01:33:03.360
One of them is called the romantic.

1601
01:33:04.560 --> 01:33:05.800
And anytime I see that,

1602
01:33:05.800 --> 01:33:07.400
because I can look at the generated tests

1603
01:33:07.400 --> 01:33:09.080
and I can see people's quiz answers.

1604
01:33:09.080 --> 01:33:11.680
Anytime I see two romantic people marrying each other,

1605
01:33:11.680 --> 01:33:13.200
I'm like, oh Lord, God.

1606
01:33:14.680 --> 01:33:16.760
Oh Jesus, here's a fire.

1607
01:33:16.760 --> 01:33:17.720
We're in trouble.

1608
01:33:19.280 --> 01:33:20.640
Because as soon as things get rough,

1609
01:33:20.640 --> 01:33:22.320
what do you think is gonna happen?

1610
01:33:23.600 --> 01:33:26.560
Oh, I don't know if I love you anymore.

1611
01:33:26.560 --> 01:33:27.560
What?

1612
01:33:27.560 --> 01:33:28.480
Get out of here.

1613
01:33:30.200 --> 01:33:31.400
Love is not a feeling.

1614
01:33:33.040 --> 01:33:36.880
So you can expect at level four that you should

1615
01:33:36.880 --> 01:33:41.640
and can and have to dig deeper

1616
01:33:41.640 --> 01:33:43.960
into what this marriage is going to look like.

1617
01:33:49.160 --> 01:33:50.680
Has this been helpful tonight?

1618
01:33:51.720 --> 01:33:53.960
I feel like we need a part two.

1619
01:33:53.960 --> 01:33:55.000
Super helpful.

1620
01:33:56.440 --> 01:33:57.960
I think we need a part two.

1621
01:33:57.960 --> 01:33:59.440
Very helpful.

1622
01:33:59.440 --> 01:34:00.280
Yes, Jackie.

1623
01:34:00.280 --> 01:34:02.600
Light of changing for my situation.

1624
01:34:04.320 --> 01:34:07.480
You guys, I hope this will change the way

1625
01:34:07.480 --> 01:34:09.920
that you're meeting people and dating people

1626
01:34:09.920 --> 01:34:13.640
when you understand that there are so many other things

1627
01:34:13.640 --> 01:34:15.720
that are going into these unions

1628
01:34:15.720 --> 01:34:19.280
than just do I have butterflies?

1629
01:34:19.280 --> 01:34:21.320
I can make you a list of about 20 things

1630
01:34:21.320 --> 01:34:22.840
that are more important than butterflies

1631
01:34:22.840 --> 01:34:24.000
when you meet somebody.

1632
01:34:26.320 --> 01:34:30.000
More important in assessing whether or not

1633
01:34:30.000 --> 01:34:33.080
this person is going to be a lifelong partner for you.

1634
01:34:34.800 --> 01:34:35.640
Yes, part two.

1635
01:34:35.640 --> 01:34:36.480
I think so.

1636
01:34:36.480 --> 01:34:37.320
I think so, Christina.

1637
01:34:37.320 --> 01:34:38.160
I think we're gonna have to have a part two.

1638
01:34:38.160 --> 01:34:39.080
I don't wanna keep you guys all night.

1639
01:34:39.080 --> 01:34:41.320
We're at 90 minutes right now, 95 minutes.

1640
01:34:42.240 --> 01:34:43.080
All right.

1641
01:34:46.720 --> 01:34:50.080
We are gonna talk about some great things

1642
01:34:50.080 --> 01:34:51.200
on Supernatural Saturday.

1643
01:34:51.200 --> 01:34:52.920
Try to be there live if you can.

1644
01:34:52.920 --> 01:34:54.200
I know you might feel a little beat up

1645
01:34:54.200 --> 01:34:55.680
from last Supernatural Saturday.

1646
01:34:55.680 --> 01:34:56.520
I hope you don't.

1647
01:34:56.520 --> 01:34:58.560
Because remember, you guys, this is not about religion.

1648
01:34:58.560 --> 01:34:59.760
It's not about condemnation.

1649
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:03.380
you ever feel like something is coming across

1650
01:35:03.380 --> 01:35:06.820
in a condemning way, it's probably your heart filter.

1651
01:35:06.820 --> 01:35:07.660
Cause I'm gonna tell you,

1652
01:35:07.660 --> 01:35:10.620
I'm about the least religious person in the world.

1653
01:35:10.620 --> 01:35:12.220
Jesus is for us.

1654
01:35:12.220 --> 01:35:13.700
He loves us.

1655
01:35:13.700 --> 01:35:15.980
He wants us to have everything that he paid for

1656
01:35:15.980 --> 01:35:17.120
on that cross.

1657
01:35:17.120 --> 01:35:19.020
And we're the only ones standing in the way

1658
01:35:19.020 --> 01:35:19.920
of that happening.

1659
01:35:21.820 --> 01:35:23.180
Or none of us are sitting in a corner.

1660
01:35:23.180 --> 01:35:24.260
None of us are in timeout.

1661
01:35:24.260 --> 01:35:25.800
No one's being punished.

1662
01:35:25.800 --> 01:35:28.060
Jesus took the punishment for us and as us.

1663
01:35:28.080 --> 01:35:31.560
It's time for us to get what he paid for

1664
01:35:31.560 --> 01:35:33.640
in every area of our lives

1665
01:35:33.640 --> 01:35:38.140
and to be reconciled to those divine identities.

1666
01:35:39.300 --> 01:35:41.680
And so we're gonna do part two.

1667
01:35:41.680 --> 01:35:43.800
So Bethany, Renee, we're gonna do part two

1668
01:35:44.880 --> 01:35:48.240
and we'll dig a little bit more into level three,

1669
01:35:48.240 --> 01:35:49.320
four and five.

1670
01:35:49.320 --> 01:35:52.780
And we'll let you guys ask questions ahead of time

1671
01:35:52.780 --> 01:35:54.680
so we can make sure that we cover them.

1672
01:35:54.680 --> 01:35:57.980
But we'll see you on Saturday.

1673
01:35:58.800 --> 01:36:02.300
Also, please continue to pray for this app.

1674
01:36:02.300 --> 01:36:05.600
I feel like there's so much warfare around this thing.

1675
01:36:05.600 --> 01:36:07.700
No one else who has used this developer

1676
01:36:07.700 --> 01:36:10.520
has run into the problems that we're running into.

1677
01:36:10.520 --> 01:36:13.800
Everyone else is just fat, dumb and happy with their apps

1678
01:36:13.800 --> 01:36:15.420
and here we are.

1679
01:36:15.420 --> 01:36:19.200
And so it's important that whatever is happening here,

1680
01:36:19.200 --> 01:36:21.720
that it gets cut off and we go forward.

1681
01:36:21.720 --> 01:36:23.780
This thing has already been paid for in full.

1682
01:36:23.780 --> 01:36:26.840
There is no reason why it should not be operational

1683
01:36:26.860 --> 01:36:30.900
and really it's starting to get very frustrating

1684
01:36:30.900 --> 01:36:33.820
to the point where it's going on my Jesus Cares board.

1685
01:36:33.820 --> 01:36:36.540
Cause I know that there's gotta be some interference.

1686
01:36:36.540 --> 01:36:38.380
There has to be some supernatural interference

1687
01:36:38.380 --> 01:36:40.780
going on here cause it should not be this hard.

1688
01:36:40.780 --> 01:36:43.940
All right, so please continue to keep that in prayer

1689
01:36:43.940 --> 01:36:45.180
as a community.

1690
01:36:45.180 --> 01:36:47.260
That's nothing you could expect from community.

1691
01:36:47.260 --> 01:36:49.940
And that is people that have your back,

1692
01:36:49.940 --> 01:36:51.420
that are cheering for you to win,

1693
01:36:51.420 --> 01:36:53.020
even if they don't personally know you

1694
01:36:53.020 --> 01:36:54.460
that you're in community together,

1695
01:36:54.460 --> 01:36:57.360
especially for a specific reason like this community

1696
01:36:57.360 --> 01:37:01.200
that people want you to win, all right?

1697
01:37:01.200 --> 01:37:03.360
And so let's make sure that we know that

1698
01:37:03.360 --> 01:37:04.720
about each other, all right?

1699
01:37:04.720 --> 01:37:06.600
Love y'all, see you Saturday, bye.