Hello, everyone. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Hi. Hi, Gail. I love seeing you guys smile
and be excited to be here. All right. So tonight we're going to have a lot of fun. We're going
to get some breakthrough. I hope you came expectant. If you're driving, it is totally
fine. You guys, we can't go live to Facebook easily anymore. It's like all these things
we've got to go through hoops. And so I just want to encourage you, join us no matter what
on Zoom. And if you can't go into the breakout, just hang out. Like when I set up the breakout
rooms, just stay in the main room with me. Now, when you guys do that, obviously I want
you to be people that legitimately can't go into a breakout. If you're someone that's
just doing that because you're afraid, I want to encourage you to go into the breakout because
that's going to help you get breakthrough. And I just will be praying. So it's like I'm
not going to minister to anybody solely when you guys are all in breakout. So I'll just
be ministering and praying in general during that time, just so you guys know what's going
on. If you've never been here before, would love for you to just somehow let me know that
you're new for the first time. You can put it in the chat. You can raise your hand digitally,
whichever way, just so we can welcome you and say hi to you. Brittany, welcome. Welcome.
Christine is new. Anyone else new tonight? Anyone else? All right. Jamie, welcome. So
glad you're here. Great to see you all. We are believing. Carrie, it is okay. We tell
you guys when you move to phase two, if you want to come and join us for a heartwork session,
that is totally okay. And it's great. The one thing that we do ask is anyone joining
from phase two when we're doing heartwork, please don't bring up any kind of dating stuff.
Okay. If you need heartwork specifically or even yeah. So Carrie, you're in phase two.
If you need heartwork specific to men's stuff, put a post in the Facebook group. We can help
you there, or that can be something we can help you with on your live session. But if
you're just wanting to continue to heal and be here, we welcome you. And we're grateful
that you're here as well. Robin is new and Joe, is it Johanna Johanna? Can you unmute
and tell me how to say your name? Johanna Johanna. Awesome. That's what I thought, but
I just thought I would make sure and joy and all right, ladies, we're about to move on.
I have just very few housekeeping tonight. You guys are going to be so excited because
it's going to take like two minutes. Again, just want to encourage you guys to not give
advice or try to help people in the comments. I feel like we've been doing pretty good,
but I've seen a couple here and there and I don't want anyone to worry. Nobody's in trouble
or anything like that. But we just want to remind you that you're here to receive and
so encourage each other. But the line where it starts going into advice is when you start
like saying this is what helped me get through what you're going through. OK, so our coaches
will do all that kind of stuff. So you guys just to get to be here, encourage each other,
cheer each other on, and then you're in receive mode only. OK, and here's my other thing.
And you guys are already on a roll, which I love this. Normally, I have to encourage
ladies to turn their cameras on. And I have an almost full screen of beautiful faces tonight.
And if you're driving, I understand if you can't turn your camera on. But you guys, I
want to just let you know, if you've not heard me talk about this before, especially our
new ladies, when you're in heartwork and just even in phase two and as you go on the
whole time through, it's important. But especially when you're in heartwork, I believe there's
a healing process that happens in connection with coming out of hiding. So many of you
have felt unseen and unheard for a very, very long time. And God wants you to know that
he sees you. And the importance of you turning your camera on is getting through insecurities.
Let's do it here while you're in heartwork so that when you have online dates potentially
in the future, you guys are going to be working on not being afraid on camera, talking on
camera, engaging and just being seen. All right. So great job. I'm like surprised so
many people already had their camera on tonight. So come in expectant, come in ready to engage.
We love to see you. And yeah, Deborah, it's totally fine if you guys can't if you're at
work. And I will say this, if people are walking on treadmills and stuff, we'd rather
those people not be on camera because that can actually be distracting. So on
that note. All right, let me pray for us and we're going to get started. Father, thank you so much
for this night. Thank you, God, for supernatural revealing, for healing God. We ask for your kingdom
to come, for your will to be done in our hearts, in our minds, our spirits, our bodies, and our
souls tonight here on earth as you desire it in heaven. Jesus, thank you for going to the cross.
Thank you for allowing your body to be broken and your blood to be shed for the forgiveness of our
sins, for our healing, for our redemption, for our freedom. We thank you that where the spirit of the
Lord is, there is freedom. So, Holy Spirit, we ask you to come. We ask you to come and inhabit
our conversations, to be with us as I'm sharing, God. I, like, literally, I am your mouthpiece,
Lord. I pray that you would help me to decrease, help your spirit to increase, and let yourself
be known. We thank you, good Father, who brings good gifts to your daughters tonight, and we just
thank you for revealings, for healing, that you would bring things out of darkness into the light,
that literally while we talk tonight, while the teaching and the session is happening,
that things will percolate to the surface, that they will come out, come up, Lord God,
up out of their spirits, that things that they have long forgotten, but that are still causing
disruption in their souls and their spirits, things that are causing them to be stuck, we thank you,
God. Yes, Lord, that you are the obstacle remover, and we thank you for people that have been stuck
for a long time, being set free from the things that have held them back, and we thank you for
Holy Spirit walking with us every step of the way. In Jesus name, amen, amen, and amen. All right, so
tonight we are going to talk first. I have a couple things. I think I'm going to go the other
direction first, actually. I'm feeling the Holy Spirit on this. I didn't talk about this this
afternoon, but I'm feeling led to mention it tonight, and it will segue really well with
our content we're going to go right into. I heard the Lord say, as I was looking through old notes
and sessions that I've led, and looking at everything that we've talked about over the years,
this one note caught my attention today, and this is what it says. Victim language,
we need to step out of it. So, victim language, we need to step out of it.
We want to really ask the Lord tonight, is there any area of our hearts where we have a posture
of victim instead of victor, where we want to get justice or revenge, and I'm not talking about you
guys court custody things with kids or anything like that. I'm talking about the vengeance in our
heart, okay, so a heart posture, a heart attitude. We're not going to go into forgiveness tonight,
but we'll probably be visiting forgiveness a little bit next week. The Lord's already been
giving me some content, but you guys, it's important for you as you continue to move
forward into everything God has for you, for you to be willing to surrender to the idea of revenge,
and here's where I feel the Holy Spirit is even leading as I'm talking about this, is that
I'm never saying it's okay what they did to hurt you in any way, but what I am saying is that
in order for you to move forward, some of you have to be willing to let that go, because you're
kind of like holding back over here because you're still so angry, and you're looking
for justification. You're looking for people to justify and stand up for you, and none of those
things are bad, but for some of you in particular, you literally cannot move forward until you
release that, okay, and normally I wouldn't go in this heavy this quick, but I felt the Holy Spirit.
I was going to talk about that later. I just want to kind of get it out of the way, and then we're
going to move on, but just be praying. Be praying if that's resonating in your heart or if that's
hurting when I talk about it. Be aware of what is happening in your spirit, in your heart, in your
soul, even thinking about forgiveness and releasing the people that have harmed you and the fullness
of that, like the liberty that it'll bring you, not just, oh my gosh, they get away scot-free.
That's not truth.
People will all, you guys, not that we wish this on people, but the reality is,
is sin always has consequences, even for us.
So sin will always have a consequence for them.
It might not be what we want or what we kind of wish on them at times.
And yes, I've been there.
Yes.
I used to wish harm on the people that hurt me until I found Jesus
and learned a different way.
But what I am saying is I've seen some of those people suffer great loss.
And honestly, I am not happy about it.
I feel sad for them because hurt people hurt people.
And then, you know, they go through brokenness when they live lifestyles of sin.
All right.
So on that note, I want to move towards, um, it's time to take the record off the
record player.
And what I mean by that is this, if you can imagine with me, and some of you
guys are younger, so you may have never had a record player that's legit.
Our young folks may have never had a record player in your home.
Um, but if you can imagine with me for a moment, you know, if to remove the
record, you have to remove that needle that was playing the record, or you
scratch the whole record, right?
You got to move that other way.
But then you lift the record off and you literally, you know, kind of like the
CDs, you get the record and you put the new one on and where am I going with us?
Here's the thing I've been noticing in some of the posts and some of the, uh,
weekly roll call, just this underlying thread.
It really hasn't been anything overt you guys.
So don't, don't be worried.
Don't feel like you shouldn't post what you're posting.
Cause this is how we lean in and we hear what the Holy spirit is showing us
underneath of what's being shared by some of you and that's how we create the
content and things to help you, um, as a group, get the breakthrough that you need.
Cause each group, even if we have some similar content, each group, each time we
get together is different because the people that are here are different.
Here's, here's what I'm seeing.
I'm seeing people that are saying things like, will this time be any different?
I've done this work before and it's never worked.
So what makes this thing so special?
Because I'm not feeling anything right now.
Nothing is changing.
I'm not getting breakthrough.
And I'm not shaming any of that because that's how you guys really
felt when you wrote those things.
And so I'm glad that you shared them, but here's the thing.
When we stay in mindsets like that.
And we partner with those thoughts.
Um, one of the things that the Holy spirit gave me this today, it's actually
like, we, we kind of like embrace those things, right?
We think on them, we meditate on them.
And then it, it literally is like, they become so close as if
they become a part of the family.
Some of you all have had these mindsets, you know, most of your life, and it might
be additional things to what I've said here, and maybe it's your job.
Maybe it's not about the spirit mate.
Maybe some of you guys are asking God for something different in an area of your
life, and you're not seeing that breakthrough and you really don't believe
that God is going to come through for you.
That's, that's the crux of it all is if, if we think on thoughts like that and we
allow them to take root typically underneath the surface of those thoughts
is that somewhere underneath of there, we don't believe God came through for us
before, and we don't believe he's going to come through for us now.
Okay.
So I want to encourage you guys to catch a thought.
That's going to be kind of our theme tonight to catch a
thought and to catch it quickly.
Second Corinthians 10 verses three through five, and then a NIV version says
this for though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.
The weapons we fight are not the, excuse me.
The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world.
On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up
against the knowledge of God.
And we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
That is second Corinthians 10 verse three through five.
And so not just a thought, but every thought you all every thought.
Um, one of the things that God started showing me years ago is like, when we
have these thoughts in our head, that we would actually kind of slow them down
enough to say, God is this.
Is this your thought, is this my thought, or is this a thought from the enemy?
Where you're starting to recognize and ask God to give you discernment on the thoughts
that you're actually thinking about and meditating on.
And again, so many times we grow up hearing people tell us stuff, and then we go through
life and trials and situations, and we believe lies, and then we begin partnering with those
things as well.
Sometimes different ones, sometimes similar ones.
And so then they, again, become like a way of life for us.
It becomes the habit, the go-to.
So anytime we go through a hard time, you guys, those are our go-to thoughts.
So I want you to think right now, and even jot down on your paper as you're hearing me
talk, are there any, or you can even put in the chat, whatever you guys want to do.
Are there any thoughts that tend to surface very quickly when something hard happens?
When you go through something hard, what is your go-to in your mind?
Where do you go?
All right.
So as you guys start to put those in the chat, I'm going to keep going.
Romans chapter two, verse two says, do not conform to the pattern of this world, but
be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Then you'll be able to test what's, excuse me, test what God's will is, his good, pleasing
and perfect will.
Jackie talks a lot in her book about our head, like the mind, transforming and renewing our
mind and how the heart and the mind are connected.
But so often we have thoughts up in our head, but we don't fully have the revelation and
the healing that's needed for it to really take root in our heart.
So at some point, God wants to help us bring that disconnect between head and heart and
really enable us to understand what he's saying to us.
Okay.
I'm going to read some of these out loud for you all.
Not again.
Why does this happen to me?
Okay.
Key phrase, not again.
Let's not forget that there.
I'll always end up alone again.
What's next?
It all falls to pieces.
Okay.
It all falls to pieces.
I'm going to come back and probably circle back to that too.
I'm tired.
I can't keep going.
Keep doing this.
I'm not going to make it all right.
You guys, there's several.
I'm going to just, I want to read more, but I got to do these.
These are, these are really good.
Okay.
So not again.
You all really quickly.
One of the quickest ways to stop that thought from continuing to morph and grow after you
have it.
What not again?
When did the first thing happen that caused you to feel not again, like something similar
is happening and you feel like there's a cycle there that isn't, isn't a good one that you're
experiencing some kind of pain that's causing you to have the thought not again.
So when is the original one?
Again, we're asking the Holy spirit.
You're not trying to figure these things out on your own, but then the second time, what
was the thing that happened that reinforced that?
Okay.
That reinforced that pain that reinforced that lie that reinforced the original trauma.
All right.
It all falls to pieces.
All right.
So let's look at this guys.
When something happens and we have a thought that it all falls to pieces, like, okay, the
reality is, is typically when we say or think things like that, we really believe that our
life on a regular basis isn't good or that when it is good, it won't last and it all
falls to pieces.
So somewhere along the way, we believed the lie that we can only have good stuff for a
little bit.
So when is the first time you believed that the other shoe will always drop, that the
good things will always be taken from you or that you will mess it up somehow.
And you guys, again, you're asking, I'm just kind of, I'm throwing these out kind of like
a grab bag tonight a little bit.
I want to do kind of like last night we did a popcorn or whatever we called it in the
prophetic night, but this is kind of like ways I can get information to you guys.
So you can process some of these things that are happening.
All right.
And then I feel like there was another one.
I'm tired.
I can't keep doing this.
I'm not going to make it.
All right.
So you all, these are things we have to understand the more that we say, like I even catch myself.
I'm so overwhelmed.
I have so much.
So much to get done.
I'm never going to be able to get this all done.
Wait, wait, wait.
I told my husband today that the Lord has really
been talking to me.
I mean, it's been the last five or six months
to not say those things, even if I feel it,
to not agree with it.
Because typically, when I feel that way,
I'm believing a lie that there's too much for me,
Bethany, who has to conquer everything,
for me to accomplish.
But am I leaving room for God in that?
Am I forgetting that God says, I don't
need to worry about tomorrow?
For tomorrow will worry about its own self.
And all I have to do is take care of today.
Y'all, as soon as we lean into that,
truly, it can demolish anxiety in that moment.
And I'm not talking about people that
have massive struggles with anxiety, OK?
That's totally different, because that's
kind of deeper work that has to happen.
But I will also say, and feeling tired is real.
I have felt fatigue.
I have felt tired.
I've battled things over the years.
But I will say that when I say it,
there's something about when I say it out loud
that I actually feel like it creates more of that.
So I want to encourage you guys.
And it's not like you can't be real, OK?
So please don't misunderstand me in that regard either.
But when we say things like, I can't keep doing this,
I'm not going to make it, are we inviting God to come in
and help us accomplish that thing to which we are setting
our hand to do, to that which we are trying
to move into and accomplish?
So I want to make sure you guys are always
inviting God in to help you.
Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit, they are three in one.
And they are there to help you every step of the way, OK?
They don't respect me, feel like I'm being punished,
why can't it be easy.
I turn to God and pray while in a quiet place.
If I can't go equally, I'll keep my mouth shut and pray, OK?
We'll ever catch a break, can't do anything right.
Typically, again, Aneesha, that's
going to go back to when, remember,
the first times when you started feeling like perfectionism
kicked into gear, which comes from really, guys,
a lot of perfectionism comes from insecurity.
The lies that you're never enough or you're too much,
all that kind of stuff.
I'm going to kind of buzz through these real quick
because I want to keep going.
Thank you, guys.
And just so you know, if I don't read yours,
don't feel like it didn't matter that you put it in the chat
because you guys doing that is for you
and it helps get you breakthrough in and of itself
when you write it.
OK, OK.
Good, good, good.
I can't have what I want.
Yeah.
So here's the truth on that.
I can't have what I want.
You can if it's good for you.
Sometimes you all, years ago, I was in a relationship
and I wanted to marry that guy.
I wanted to marry him.
I love his daughters.
That's my spiritual daughters now.
Praise Jesus that God protected me from doing that.
You all, my life would never be what it is right now.
If any of that had happened.
But in that moment, that's what I wanted.
And so I'm not saying that's the same thing for you all,
but I want you to kind of just consider
that if what you want hasn't happened yet,
it may not be really what is best for you.
OK.
God didn't want me to be in a relationship with a man that
cheated on me over and over and over again.
He didn't want me in a relationship
with a man who was so insecure that he verbally and mentally
and emotionally abused me to make himself bigger.
God didn't want me with a man that wouldn't even
support me in ministry.
There were times I would be coaching and leading women
and he would come in and out of the room
and do things to try to bring disruption, not support.
Instead, God had a spirit mate for me
that I am running and doing life with.
I'm having so much fun.
We laugh.
God knew what I needed.
God knew.
what I really wanted, and when the time was right,
when I was healed and I was ready,
he brought him into my life.
And I was able to recognize him
because I had healed and prepared to see him, okay?
But also on that, Sarah, or anyone else
that feels like I can never have what I want,
I would encourage you to ask the Lord
to reveal if there was ever a time when you were a kid
where there really was something that you wanted,
even if it was a game or,
I don't know what this is coming to my mind,
but a cabbage patch kid or something
that you just deeply, deeply wanted
and you felt wounded because you didn't get it.
Last night in the prophetic night,
if you guys haven't listened to it yet,
I encourage you to listen to it.
There was a lot of words
about God restoring childhood things.
It was a powerful night.
And it's interesting because what just came to my mind,
as I said, the cabbage patch thing,
is when I was little, my dad was like never in my life.
And he was a drug addict, alcoholic,
and he was in prison a large part of my life as well.
And I remember being at the age,
I don't know if y'all, again,
the younger ladies may not know, but the pound puppies.
Does anyone ever remember pound puppies?
They were like a huge thing and everybody had pound puppies.
And I wanted a pound puppy so bad.
And I remember I got this thing from my dad.
He sent it from the jail and I was so excited
because it looked like a pound puppy,
but it wasn't a pound puppy.
I still love that thing and I was still so grateful for it,
but I can remember the disappointment.
And again, we're like kids,
so we don't fully understand or comprehend, right?
But it wasn't just that it wasn't a pound puppy, you guys.
It was that my dad, he wasn't there to give it to me
and it wasn't really what I wanted.
It was a counterfeit.
Does that make sense?
So it seems like a small thing,
but y'all had to do some hard work on that stuff.
That pound puppy, I remember holding that thing,
crying as a kid because my dad wasn't there.
So there's a lot of emotion
and things connected to that, all right?
So just be aware of those things as they pop up,
as the Holy Spirit brings those things to the surface,
don't ignore them,
don't tell yourself you're stupid or it's silly.
Please, I wanna encourage you all,
when you do post, please don't say things like,
this might be really silly or this might sound stupid
because it's not going to, okay?
All right, we're gonna keep moving.
So you're gonna go into the breakout session
I'm gonna do a little bit more prep for you,
but we're gonna be talking about inner vows.
I want you guys to think about when people do get married,
they are making a vow before people openly,
they're making a covenant and they're agreeing
that they're gonna do life for better, for worse
and sickness and health, all of those kinds of things.
So they're making a vow that they are saying,
they're not going to break, right?
So an inner vow is similar.
That's why I wanted to kind of explain that.
An inner vow is similar, but it's on the inside.
And there are a lot of times
where you're not making those vows with other people,
you're making them with yourself
and it is reinforced basically by the enemy, okay?
So in the book, it talks about this.
It says, but even though you won't be able
to replace the actual events,
so the traumas and the painful things we've been through
that happened in your life,
you can replace the lies you believed.
And most importantly, the vows you made
as a result of them.
When we experience these hurts in life, they make us sad.
And when we are sad, that's when anger shows up.
Anger is always the defender.
It shows up when those wounded and vulnerable parts
of your heart feel threatened.
When anger is around, we feel strong
and we start to make inner vows.
Here are some of those inner vows.
Nobody is ever gonna hurt me.
I don't care about anyone.
I can't trust anybody.
I will never turn out like my mother and or father.
I won't be made a fool anymore.
Nobody is gonna tell me what to do.
I can't tell anybody about this.
So maybe you have a fear, something you've gone through
and you just like, I can't tell anybody
that this happened, okay?
That is a vow and you wanna come out
of alignment with that.
Excuse me, I will be perfect from now on
so nobody can reject me.
So some of you all that struggle with perfectionism,
it can be linked to things like that.
Here are a couple other ones I wrote down.
from sessions I've led in the past, I'll never be able to make anyone happy.
I'll never date or marry a Larry, a Joe, a John ever again. You know, you can fill in whatever
name. Sometimes it even sounds like I will never marry someone of a certain ethnicity or someone
that has a certain type of job because someone that you were married to or had a relationship
with or those ethnicities or those jobs and want to encourage you guys, those are vows that you
have made that you need to come out of alignment with. I will never let my guard down again.
There's so many more you all, there's so many more, but those are ones just to get you thinking
and get you started. Let's see, we make a decision to harden our hearts and it makes sense at the
moment. So without even realizing when we make those vows to ourselves in that moment, our heart
hardens to some degree. Okay. We think if we make these vows and build these walls around our
hearts, we can keep all the bad things out. But unfortunately, walls are good at keeping,
excuse me, walls are good at keeping things out, but they aren't good at letting things in. So not
only are you keeping things out, but God is trying to bring things into your life.
Even for some of you, a spirit mate, and it can't come in. It can't come in because you've built
all these walls with all these vows and these things that you've aligned with that are actually
keeping the gate and the walls erect, like the gate closed and the walls erected.
As the lies and their corresponding vows are emerging, so as you guys start to recognize,
even tonight, some of the vows that you have made along the way, we have to choose number one,
to come out of alignment and agreement with those things. So we confess, God, forgive me for speaking
this vow out, or even thinking this vow and coming into agreement with the plan of the enemy for my
life. Help me to come out of alignment with that and come into alignment with you and your greater
truth. So we replace those vows and the lies with the truth. Okay. So you guys are going to go in
your breakout sessions. And again, as a reminder, if you just joined us a little bit ago, if you're
not able to go into the breakout session, just don't click the button when it pops up, you know,
that will keep you in the main room here with me, but I want to encourage you guys only do that.
If you're driving or at work and you really can't go into the breakout, please don't do that. If
you're scared because you need to get out of your comfort zone, you need to practice talking to
strangers and people you don't know. Okay. It's going to be great. I'm going to be praying for you all.
You're going to get a lot of breakthrough.
Hey, remember to keep these short, brief and powerful. So we don't want anybody to dominate
conversations and give each other time to share. I'm going to give you guys nine minutes in the
breakout session for this first one. And then I just want you to know if you're talking about
the vows and you all, whether it's three or four of you have finished, stay in the zoom room and
just get to know each other. What are some things you'd like to do? Where are you from? And then
also when you go into the room, when you first click, if somebody doesn't come in right away,
just stay there and I will either move someone to your room or whatever. Cause sometimes people
have internet delays as well. Okay. All right, here you go.
All right. Just trying to get everyone situated. You all.
Father, thank you so much. Even right now, as we're getting all the
ladies into the rooms. We thank you, God, for revealings, for
healing that are happening. We thank you for helping every lady
to hear what your spirit is saying to them. We thank you
that you don't leave us the way you found us, Lord, you help us
to step into greater revelation and greater truth and greater
understanding of of your Holy Spirit. And we thank you that
you never give up on us, Lord, that you're always your eyes are
always honest, your word declares that you never slumber,
you never sleep. And you're always working all things
together for good of those who love you. And you, you know, use
everything that we've gone through. For your greater
purpose. We thank you for your heavenly plan for our lives. We
thank you that tonight that you'll help us to recognize the
vows that we have made in the past, that are keeping us bound
that are keeping walls erected, and also keeping people out help
us to one brick at a time to allow you to bring the walls
down. Lord, you don't bring a big wrecking ball and just
totally wreck their lives and wreck their hearts. God, you
come in and you knock on the door of their hearts and you
lead them into greater truth and revelation and understanding.
And we thank you that you would help them on just know each step
of the way the areas that you know, you are wanting to lead
them into greater healing, where those revealings are
happening. We thank you that in your word in Psalm one three, it
says that we will be we will be standing firm like a flourishing
tree that we will be planted by God's design deeply rooted by
the brooks of bliss, bearing fruit in every season of our
life, that we will never be dry, never fainting, ever blessed and
ever prosperous. So Lord, I thank you that you would help us
to come out of alignment with negative thinking that this time
isn't going to be different that nothing's changing, but instead
to align with the truth that we are always bearing fruit in
every season of life that we are never dry, we are never fainting
and we are blessed and ever prosperous. Hi, Dana, let me get
you situated. The ladies are talking about inner vows that
they have made along the way that they're coming out of
alignment with. Okay.
Yeah, I was actually in my join room and I'm I have to use my
phone tonight and I tried to click on camera and it took me
back to you and kicked me out of my chat. Okay, well, okay. Yep,
I'll put you back there. Thank you.
Oh,
all right. So Lord, we thank you that you would send your kind
mercy kiss to comfort every lady tonight and even those that will
watch the replay that we are your servants and you promise
from heaven to bring your mercy kiss to comfort us and we thank
you and we receive that love tonight we receive the
understanding that you are a good father who brings good
gifts to your children and that you are I just see you even
right now like as a dad of a newborn baby and you're you're
holding us in your arms and you're bouncing that baby and
comforting them and and you're talking to them and I just thank
you Lord that you desire to have a close relationship with all of
us I thank you that you would help every one of these ladies
to have a fresh understanding of what it means to have an intimate
relationship with you father and I just thank you in advance for
that hi April the ladies are in the breakouts talking about
inner vows did you get kicked out or you did you just come in
I just came in Okay, totally fine. And they're talking about
inner vows that they're coming out of agreement with so I'm
just gonna go ahead and put you in the room and you can just
jump in and okay, yeah, you don't have to turn your camera
on you can still go in with them. Okay. Okay. There you go.
All right, and Lord, we just thank you that your word
declares that we will give thanks and praise to you for we
are fearfully and wonderfully made wonderful are your works
and our souls know it very well. Wherever our hearts make us feel
guilty and remind us of our failures. Yes, Lord, we know
that God is much greater and more merciful than our
conscience. And he knows everything there is to know
about us Lord, I pray that tonight and in the live in the
breakouts during this time, as well as those that will watch
the replay in the group this week, that you'll help ladies to
forgive themselves and to release themselves from any and
all guilt, shame and condemnation. Those are from
the enemy. Those are not from your heart father towards them.
So we just thank you that you'll just lead them into the divine
healing and revelation that you have for them. And that you'll
anoint their ears to hear what your spirit is saying. Hi,
Christine.
Christine, they're in the breakout rooms
talking about inner vows that they're going
to come out of alignment with.
Oh, April, I see that you came back.
It was the breakout room.
I was all by myself.
Oh, really?
Room seven had no one but me in it.
Oh, so sorry.
OK, well, let me send you there.
Go ahead.
Sorry about that.
Hey, Bethany, I went into a breakout room,
but it was just me in there.
I don't know if I did something wrong.
Well, I think probably because I think
you were delayed, your internet, because I kept watching.
Hold on one second, Kira.
I'll get you situated.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Let's see.
Let me find you.
Yeah, OK.
All right, there you go.
Sorry about that.
Those should be there for you all to click
if you want to join.
OK, so we just thank you as we continue
to pray for everyone that you would just
help us to thank you, Lord, that you would remove
any blind spots and filters that we have walked in
and that keep us from even seeing the areas that we
need your healing.
While many of us have done a lot of work
and have walked the path of healing,
Lord, we thank you that you let us hear for a purpose,
for a season, for a time.
We thank you that you'll give us the revelation and the truth
that we need to receive the fullness
of the understanding of every area that
needs your healing touch.
So Lord, we thank you for the balm of Gilead.
We thank you that you would place
that balm upon every area of our hearts that
needs your touch, that needs healing, that needs redemption,
that needs grace.
God, the places where we're really harsh towards ourselves,
we thank you that you would help us
to soften our approach towards ourselves,
towards other people.
Lord, if we walk in any kind of self-hatred,
self-deprecating thoughts, any kind of self-pity or withdrawal,
we thank you that you would help us to come out of alignment
with those things.
And we just bind and break those spirits, in Jesus' name,
off of every person that's in this group,
that's a part of this community.
And we thank you, Lord, that by the power of Jesus' blood
and the authority given unto him and unto us through him,
we thank you that we can loose into our lives
a spirit of love and of power and of a sound mind,
that we are more than conquerors through Christ Jesus,
and that he's already won the victory.
He's already defeated death and sin in the grave.
And so we just lean into the victory of heaven tonight,
and we receive your grace and your truth
and your abundance in every area of our lives.
I thank you, Lord, that everything hidden
and covered up will soon be exposed, revealed,
will be revealed for the fast aid is falling down
and nothing will be kept secret for long.
Your word declares that you will wipe away
every tear from our eyes and eliminate death entirely.
No one will mourn or weep any longer.
The pain of wounds will no longer exist.
Hallelujah for that.
For the old order has ceased.
We thank you, God, that the pain of wounds
will no longer exist in your presence,
that even as the light, you are the light,
you come into darkness.
As you do, you expel all darkness.
We thank you that you would expel all death,
all pain, all brokenness tonight
in a fresh way in Jesus' name.
Welcome back, ladies.
We have like nine seconds before everyone comes back.
Who would be willing to share with the whole group
what you shared in the private breakout session?
And then we will, it always takes one to get us going.
Who wants to be the first one tonight?
Oh, Ariel, awesome.
I'm sorry, I did not see your hand up there.
Oh, I literally just put it up.
Okay, okay.
Well, you were in the top corner and I didn't see one,
but then I did.
Okay, awesome, go ahead.
So, I didn't realize that things that I'd said as a kid
were actually intervals until we started talking.
Because I've worked through some things
and I've thought through like vows that I've made,
but one of the ones that the Lord,
or the two that the Lord highlighted to me
that are pretty significant,
and they both have the same,
like the base of it is, I won't be hurt again,
or like, I won't let myself be hurt, I won't be rejected.
And I think that's what it's all about.
I won't let myself be hurt, I won't be rejected.
Is I, when I was a kid growing up,
I used to think that my mom was really flighty.
And honestly, I used to think she was dumb,
but I couldn't figure out why.
Cause I knew she wasn't, but there's something in me
was just like, oh, why is she?
Like she'd always be late.
and she'd always be so forgetful
and it would always make me so frustrated.
So I always said, I will never be like my mom.
And I mean, I know now as an adult growing up
and realizing the effects of trauma and abuse
and how that can play out in a person.
So I know that's what it's from now,
but as a kid, I just thought my mom was dumb
and I thought she was weak
and I didn't wanna be like her in that aspect.
And so that's something that the Lord has highlighted.
And then the second one is in terms of dating,
I used to say this,
like this was like the best thing I could ever say,
but I would always say
that I would only date one man in my life
and that would be my husband because I love too hard
and I can't do dating because it would be too much for me
because I love too hard and I love too fast.
And that was just me putting up guards in a veiled way.
And I would always do it in like the context of,
the Lord just made me like this.
So, but it's really just me fearing rejection
and fearing being hurt
and not wanting to be taken advantage of.
Not wanting to be taken advantage of, so.
Yeah, so good.
Thank you so much for sharing, Ariel.
I have a couple thoughts as you were sharing.
I wanna do the dating one first
just cause that's the freshest right now in my mind.
So on the, I love too hard, I love too fast,
that can also be as a result
of not learning boundaries as a kid
and then even into teenage years,
if we don't learn what healthy looks like,
we don't know.
And so we adopt things that we see or experience
or sometimes even we will go to the,
like the other side, like the pendulum swing, you know?
So that loving hard to me
also probably comes from not feeling loved
on the flip side there
at times where you really needed to feel love and support.
And so I wanna encourage you on that.
I'm so glad that you're seeing this now
because when the day comes and you go into phase two,
everybody does it at different paces, you guys.
So don't start panicking in the middle of phase one
about phase two, okay?
We'll help you through all that when you get to phase two.
But one of the things that is really important
is you guys learning how to stay really open.
Staying open to the process,
not having all these rigid, like I won't do this,
I won't do that.
So allowing yourself to heal from the rejection
and the fear of someone not accepting you
or that you're not capable
of getting to know multiple people at one time
because you just will give too much of your heart.
You know, God will help you bring all those things
into balance.
But again, that underlying thing to me
is that need for healing in the areas
where you did not feel loved as a kid.
And the same thing with the ones regarding your mom,
the other thing I thought of there,
the I won't be hurt again, I won't be rejected again.
I almost wonder too, in addition to you feeling like
she was flighty or dumb or whatever,
like, did you see your mom get rejected by people?
I'm curious.
Yeah, I did.
Okay.
Yeah, by her own family, by my dad.
Okay, so I felt like there was a connection there.
That's why I asked that question.
And so this is gonna be twofold for you.
And this is for anybody
as I'm talking through this with Ariel,
but I would encourage you to,
even if you're not in the forgiveness week yet,
you can still use the sheet,
but I would encourage you to forgive the people
that rejected your mom, okay?
Because as they rejected your mom,
again, anger hurts bodyguard, okay?
So anger is what leads us to erect these walls,
if you will, and make all these vows.
So really what happened is it hurt you
to see your mom rejected,
and you most likely felt sad.
And as a kid,
you didn't know what to do with that information.
And so in order to protect yourself,
you made these vows and put up the walls, okay?
And so forgiving the people that rejected your mom
and also forgiving your mom
for whatever the abuse and things,
and maybe even neglect,
I'm hearing in the spirit, like forms of neglect,
whether she meant to neglect you or not,
forgiving her for neglecting your needs.
and putting her needs above yours,
is what I'm hearing in the spirit.
And so y'all, as we continue through this,
this is how I would help anybody.
If this was you, I would help you unpack it.
So I would encourage you guys to do the same kind of things,
even if you don't end up sharing tonight.
Like really thinking through the vows that you've made
and where did they come from?
Is it just the thing that's coming up in my mind?
Or Lord, is there something else you wanna show me
that it's connected to, okay?
It's like a bunch of links, so a bunch of dots,
and God wants to bring them all together
so that you can have healing.
So glad that's ministering to you, Jen.
And Ariel, thank you again for sharing, so good.
All right, awesome.
Jessica, go ahead.
I was just thinking about inner vows today at work.
I've had a lot of breakthrough, like their inner vows,
because for a time I didn't like kids,
and Lord's like, if you want a husband,
you better, you're gonna have kids.
There's not either or.
So I've been stepping back into kids ministry
and reclaiming that mother's heart
and breaking through fear and all that.
And I used, I had an inner vow,
like I'm never gonna have a friend again.
And it's like, the Lord's been healing that over the years.
So.
Jessica, you don't have to answer if you don't want to.
I always, hopefully you guys know that.
I try to repeat that from time to time.
If I ever ask you guys a question
and you're not comfortable to answer,
you can say, I'm not ready to answer that right now,
just so y'all know that.
But I'm curious, if you don't mind,
when was the first time that, and there's nothing wrong.
Some people just don't feel led to have children, okay?
So I don't want there to be any shame or guilt
floating around tonight, but I do feel led to ask you,
when is the first time you had the thought
that you didn't want kids?
Do you remember?
10 years ago.
Did something happen?
Just like something happened at a daycare
and it could have been a bad situation,
but Lord kind of rescued me from it,
almost died from it,
and my heart was stopped pausing,
but I see the Lord's grace of him rescuing me
from that situation, because it could have turned bad.
And then ever since then,
it changed my heart towards kids,
because I used to love kids.
Okay.
So you went through some kind of medical trauma
while at a daycare.
I feel like that's what you're saying.
Okay, I just wanna make sure I was following you.
Yeah, so you all, this is why it's important to,
again, unpack these things,
because the trauma and the things that happened there
were the source of when the fear entered.
And as soon as fear entered in,
that's where the enemy can then build additional lies
and things to cause you to come up with things
really to protect yourself.
And sometimes there'll be things
that are total opposite of your true identity.
So what Jessica was saying is she loved kids
and she enjoyed being around kids until that happened.
And so the enemy was actually trying to convince her
to reject parts of her own identity.
Do you see the power of what was going on there?
Okay.
So then also fear is false evidence appearing real,
you guys.
So just remember that when you're looking at this stuff,
fear and the lies that we believe,
they kind of partner together.
So what are the lies you're believing
and the fears that are informing those lies?
Do you see how the fear informs the lie?
Fear typically comes in when trauma hasn't been healed.
So I can give you a minor example,
and then Shelley, I'm gonna come to you.
We are getting ready to move.
My husband, we're kind of like pre-stages.
We'll know for sure by Sunday,
but we are most likely gonna have to move.
But in all of this transition and even the job things
that are happening, the denomination wanted my husband
to resign from his current denomination
before he could say, I want to move forward over here.
And I was like, wait a minute.
Like I'm all my walls up, walls up.
Wait a minute.
No, that is not how you do things in the business world.
I totally said all of those things, you guys.
And I'm not saying that's wrong or bad,
that that's how I felt.
But what...
the Lord started showing me was that my fear was talking.
My fear was this,
my fear was that man would not come through on their word
and that my husband would resign
and we would be left without him having a job
and we would have financial,
like, you know how the enemy loves
to just take us down these roads, you all.
Take us down these roads
and so we have to catch those thoughts
and stop them in the tracks
before we go too far down that railroad, okay?
And so praise God, we worked through that.
You all, this is the amazing thing.
We've been, and there's nothing wrong,
like, you know, with the denomination per se,
but there's just some things going on
and we just have not felt
like we could continue to align with it.
And so we've been praying about that for a while
and today he officially resigned.
And what's interesting is I was afraid to do that,
but it actually brought a lot of freedom today.
Do you see how kind of the enemy tries to keep us
from stuff that actually brings freedom?
And I won't go into it more,
but I just want you guys to see all the different ways
that the Lord is always working
and leading us towards life and hope and truth and freedom,
but the enemy is always working to thwart the plan,
bring deception, bring guilt, bring shame,
lead you into isolation, withdrawal,
and all of those things, okay?
All right.
All right, Shelly, go ahead, girl.
I'm sorry, I'm outside, you can't even see me now.
I'm at my parents' house and my nieces and everyone's inside
so I stepped out here,
but now it's gotten completely dark, so.
Okay.
Yeah, so this is just something
I kind of am working through.
I'm not entirely sure what the vow is,
but it's like when I was about six years old,
I can still remember getting these random fears.
I like had this thought come into my mind,
like what happens if I never get married?
What happens if I get a disease?
And like, I cannot even say how much that was just,
it has been a fear my whole life.
And like, it has informed,
like I've always had a boyfriend most of my life.
I've been married before,
but I got into most of those relationships.
And like I said, I always dated the same kind of guy
over and over again.
And I would be sitting there like,
when that would start to pop up,
you know, those things that he had going on,
I would be like, oh no, oh no, that's like happening again.
So I have been through therapy to see why that was like that
and I did figure that out.
But I guess it's just like,
because I always had these fears,
what if I never get married?
What if I get a disease?
Then it was like things that happened in life
that seemed to reinforce that those were true.
You know, so then it's like you fear, oh my gosh,
like somehow it felt prophetic.
Was that God telling me that?
Or was that the enemy telling me that?
So it's not, so I'm always running from it.
Like, oh no, is that happening?
Oh no, is that real?
Oh no, is God letting that happen?
Oh no, was that true?
I'm somehow always running from it
but because I'm so afraid of it,
I feel like there must have been some agreement with it
at some point, you know?
Well, yeah, and typically that's gonna happen
when there's pain at the source.
So somewhere, and here's the thing
that I feel like is really important to remind you guys.
I was just trying to look up,
I can't remember the type of thought.
I will look it up tonight
but what it makes me think of is like familiar spirits.
Yes.
But like where, what is it called?
It'll come to me, you guys.
But basically where these thoughts will come to us
and they're not our own thoughts
but they bring a lot of these fearful
kind of invasive kind of thoughts.
I will think of it
but there's an actual terminology spiritually for it.
But the other thing I was gonna say, Shelly, is that-
Is it oppression, Bethany?
No, no, it'll come to me.
Don't worry, you guys.
Whether it comes right now or later, it will come to me.
But basically, you guys,
sometimes the stuff that we're battling today
actually didn't even begin with evil foreboding.
Yes, that is it.
Okay, thank you.
That's it.
So thank you.
But I'll circle back to that in a second.
But sometimes what we're battling didn't begin with us.
And I know that might blow some of your minds
but sometimes it did begin with the trauma
that we experienced in the lie entering
when we experienced the trauma.
But there are times that we are currently battling things
that our parents-
battled and did not overcome, or their parents battled and didn't overcome.
And so Shelly, I would encourage you to even ask the Lord, like, is this, um, what happens
if I never get married?
Even if your parents got married, I'm just wondering if somewhere in your family line,
if someone had these fears and even the, what if I get sick, where it's just been these
evil forebodings, these things where the enemy is just always kind of hanging around.
And it's not like you're not free, but, and I hate to give this example because this is
not a true example, y'all, but it kind of makes me think of the old cartoons where the
little devil sitting on the shoulder, just always there, um, yeah.
Evil forebodings.
And we're not going to go too far into this, uh, just cause I feel like that could lead
us off path tonight, but yes, um, Psalms one, 12, seven can help you kind of pray through
some of those kinds of things.
Um, but y'all here's the thing I feel like is important.
Anytime we're on a call and something like that comes up, I do feel like the Lord wanted
me to mention those, um, always remember Jesus is, uh, Jesus Christ already got the
victory over this stuff.
The blood is already available.
The blood is already, you know, can already be applied to this.
But a lot of times if we don't have the revelation and the insight of where we need to
apply the blood, that's, that's kind of the caveat.
So now as Shelly's gaining insight on this stuff, as she starts praying the blood of
Jesus Christ over those things and praying into understanding where those things came
in, that can shut that right down and she may never deal with that ever again.
Okay.
So just so you guys know, you don't need to live in fear.
Okay.
And not that she was, but I just feel like anytime that kind of stuff comes up, I just
want to make sure to care for everybody that's on here really well.
Um, so Shelly, as you lean into that again, you said that the first time you can
remember at six years old, so it also encourage you.
The other flip side of this is I would say to the Lord, okay, Lord, what was going on
when I was six years old caused those fears to enter in because that was very, like you
were very confident that that is when you had that thought.
So that tells me something was happening that kind of opened the door to those lies
and those fears.
Okay.
Yeah.
So good.
Thank you for sharing.
You're welcome, Karen.
I'm going to go to you and then, uh, Tammy, I'm going to ask you just to hold yours for
a little bit and I want you to stay there.
So don't put your hand down.
I'm going to share the next content piece and then I'll circle back to you.
Okay.
All right, Karen, go ahead.
Um, mine was basically my vows that I say is I'm never going to let my guard down.
Um, and I know that's from past relationships because I've allowed a lot of
alcoholics and drug addicts into my life.
And that started, um, when I was like 16.
Um, but the other thing that, that I'm really finding that the Lord has been bringing up
to me going through the second part is, um, I can't date anyone who's too much older
than me from past abuses.
Um, and my dad died at 59 years old.
So, and I had kids with disabilities, so I also, um, their own father walked out on
them and waived their rights because he didn't want anything to do with them.
And he was my husband for eight years and he had an affair and he basically told me
if I can't have you, I don't want the kids and walked away from his kids.
So now there's that fear that they are adults, but they still live with me, but
they have disabilities.
They, they still need my care.
Not that I'll never be able to leave, but in this present time, this is where we're
at.
They're still with me.
They're still learning to do things for themselves.
They're, they're a lot better than they were when they were younger, but because their
own father didn't want them and because even their own family had like his side of the
family, not so much mine, but even my family didn't really get it until I had to put one
of my children in a home to figure out what was going on with him.
And that's when we figured out the diagnosis of that he had a moderate intellectual
disability and needed extra help.
They were always saying, you're just over babying them.
You're doing this, you're doing that.
I'm like, no, I'm telling you, this kid has problems.
I don't know what they are.
So there's that fear of.
no one's going to understand them or accept them the way they are.
Okay, so a couple things as you were sharing, Karen.
First of all, so sorry to hear about your dad and his passing. I'm sure that was
very hard. How old were you when he passed away?
I was 31. It was 18 years ago, but it still comes up sometimes because I ended up having
to be strong for my mom, right? Because he had a massive heart attack in front of my mom.
So I didn't get to grieve right away. I became almost like the parent to my mom for many years.
Yeah. So here's some of the things that were kind of standing out to me as you were talking.
You mentioned different timeframes in your life. So the 16 years old, when you started dating
people that were caught up in drugs or alcohol, really asking the Lord to reveal
what was going on in you. Typically we're going to attract or go towards those people
if we have some kind of experience with that, or we've seen that. And sometimes really good kids
just get caught up with the wrong crowd. So sometimes it literally is just that. But typically,
um, like even I'll use my spiritual daughter. She's a good example. And I'm not saying this
is you, but this is what's coming to mind is, um, she said to me one time, I kept trying to
like figure out, she had these really sweet friends. And then one day she just quit being
friends with them. And she had other friends as well, but these friends just weren't as nice
of kids. Okay. I'll just leave it that way. And so I was just trying to talk to her one
day, like what happened with your friends? So-and-so like what happened there? And,
you know, we had this long conversation, essentially what she ended up sharing is that
it was too hard for her to have friends that had a perfect life or that didn't have a life as hard
as her because those people can't understand me. Okay. So I'm just putting that out there. Number
one is asking the Lord to reveal like what led you to go towards people that were not making
healthy choices. And is there anything the Lord wants to reveal for healing from when you were
16? Um, and then the other thought that I had is, um, you started out with the never going to let
my guard down, which led you to talk about the dating when you're 16, but then led to your ex
or your dad dying, then your ex leaving and then your kids. Okay. So the reason I'm pointing this
out, this is really good that this happened. So basically you're linking, I think those were four
different things. You're linking four things there that are pain points for you that all
link to that original vow. But even as you were talking, I've also felt like, um,
like you just feel like nobody believes you when you're saying things about your kids or you have
a need, or maybe even when you were trying to get your ex to stay and, or whatever the scenario is,
the underlying lie is nobody believes me. Nobody listens to me. And so I don't know where that
might have started for you. But again, asking the Lord to reveal the first time you had a thought,
even similar, even if it wasn't that exact phrase, but anything similar, um, I believe that's going
to kind of start you on a healing path because where that entered, then all these other things,
these four things that you mentioned, I believe kind of built on top of when that originally
started for you, where you just didn't feel heard, maybe not seen fully. Um, kind of like,
I'm just kind of in, in my spirit, I get an image of like, I call them sometimes wallflowers,
people that kind of stand on the outside and they just kind of blend in because they're afraid
of actually being seen and known and loved because most times they didn't feel that in the past.
Okay. So as you guys lean into these vows, keep unpacking them. I'm going to shift us towards this
next content. Cause I want to talk about it. We're going to stay in the main group. I'm not
going to put you in breakouts just cause we, this happened earlier today too, but it's okay. Cause
we're, we've been doing coaching, but I'm going to keep you here with me and we're just gonna,
I'm going to share the content and then I'm going to ask you guys to kind of open up and share
again. Okay. All right. So the next piece I want to tie into this tonight is our next piece.
Our behavior. The things that we do in our everyday life for good or for not good. So healthy or unhealthy.
Let's say it that way, because I don't like to, I don't like any kind of
verbiage that labels people as good or bad.
I don't like to do that to people.
I don't like to say that over people, people are hurt or they're healed.
You know, they're in process or all those kinds of things.
So good choices, let's switch that to healthy choices and unhealthy choices.
Okay.
Even when you guys are speaking over yourself, so let's think about different
behaviors, different things that you do in a given day, think about
the healthy choices that you're making.
And also think about unhealthy choices that you might have made, whether today,
whether last week, whether a month ago.
And it's something the Lord has brought up in your spirit.
You guys, it can look a lot of different ways.
Maybe it's overeating.
Maybe it's giving into sexual temptation.
Maybe it is gossiping.
Maybe it is, um, fault finding or arguing or whatever your scenario is.
Okay.
Our behavior when we, um, are asked to get it under control in a sense with our
parents, when we're growing up and they're just like, just stop that.
Just stop that.
Have you ever had your parents just keep telling you that, but you're like, but,
but in your heart, you're rebelling against what they're saying because
somewhere in your heart, you don't agree with them and you don't think
you should stop doing that thing.
Even if it's, I don't know if you ever saw the little book where the boy's
jumping on the bed and he doesn't listen to his parents.
Well, then he ends up falling off the bed.
So sometimes, you know, our parents are trying to get us to
stop doing things to protect us.
But again, we're having fun.
We're jumping on the bed, right?
But tonight the Lord is saying, I encourage you.
I love you.
And I want you to stop jumping on the bed.
I'm using this as a lighthearted way to talk about behaviors that we have
that are not serving us well.
Okay.
What we do, the behaviors that we do come out of our identity.
If we don't have a confidence in the identity that God has given us, if we
don't get our identity from Christ, we are going to try to get our
identity from people or things.
We are going to try to shove stuff into our hearts and our lives that try to
fill the hole that only belongs to God.
But you guys, we can't keep up good behavior long-term if our hearts aren't healed.
Transformation, when that really happens, that's when life change happens.
That's when you change the direction you're going and you never go back to that thing again.
Does that mean you'll never struggle?
Does that mean the enemy will never tempt you ever again?
No, typically he will.
But at some point when you gain the full victory, he won't come knocking at that
same door again, not in the same way, at least.
He might try to bring that thing back to your door some other way.
This afternoon, I talked about how often the enemy will come and he will come with
this toxic drink, let's say it this way.
And maybe he's telling you that, you know, this little bit of whatever, again, I'm
letting you guys fill in your own blanks tonight, it won't hurt you that bad.
Just take a drink.
And I'm not talking about just alcohol right now, I'm kind of giving symbolism to
this poison, toxic drink that the enemy is serving you in your daily life.
OK, broken identities are doing all kinds of things that are bringing more and more
brokenness into your life, into my life, and so when I am living into the broken
identity areas that I still have, that is when I'm going to tend to have behaviors
that are not healthy and they're not serving me.
OK, so in years past, a long time ago, I used to struggle to not have sex, just
being real, I'm going to make it really real and transparent tonight, you guys.
And that was a very, very big struggle for me.
And I can remember, which this is legit, I can remember like I never learned the
right boundaries because of what was done to me.
Like I, as a little kid, was taught things that I should have never been taught.
And so it turned on physical things in me that should have never been turned on at
that age. All of those things are true.
They are. But then what happened is there were times and I'm not saying even all the
time, but there were times where the enemy.
would try to convince me to like, it's okay,
because you can't help it.
Okay.
The other flip side of this is that there were times
when I was standing up for righteousness and for good things
and to not live that kind of life.
And the person I was dating literally in every single way
tried to force that.
And when I said no, he sped out of the driveway and left
and never came back the rest of the night,
those kinds of things.
So here it is, two sides, two sides, right?
What that was reinforcing with that guy is
if I don't have sex with someone,
there are bad consequences.
And when I was little, I was made to think the same thing
because I was afraid as a kid.
And so your story might be totally different.
Maybe for you, it's something entirely different.
So don't just shut down right now.
Your thing is your thing, whatever that is.
But what I'm saying to you now is that praise Jesus,
God helped me the whole way through.
And I knew after I dated that last guy
and he was one of the people that just,
he put so much pressure on me.
And you guys, I said no so many times.
And I'm not sorry that I did.
I wasn't using it as a control over him.
I did not want to have sex before I was married.
I didn't.
But see, I dated someone that wasn't committed to that.
That's why that pressure kept happening.
So I knew, I knew for sure
than this last time of dating round,
I wasn't going to date anybody
that pressured me in that way at all.
Because if they start pressuring me
on the front end about that,
I'm gonna get more of that as time goes on.
And praise the Lord,
I met someone who valued that as much as I did.
And we partnered together and God enabled us both
to make the right decisions.
And we didn't have sex before we were married.
And y'all, it's so amazing to invest in Covenant.
It's so amazing.
And so again, maybe yours is being honest in your finances.
I don't know what your thing is.
Maybe yours is not like continuing
to binge and purge on food.
I'm just saying what's coming up in my spirit
because I don't want other people to check out
if your issue isn't sexual temptation.
Whatever your struggle is,
that's what I'm talking about.
So Jeremiah 17, nine and 10 says,
"'The broken heart is wickedly deceitful.
"'It's a puzzle that nobody can figure out,
"'but I, God, I get to the root of the matter.
"'I search the heart of the human
"'and I treat them as they really are,
"'not as they are pretending to be.
"'Our hearts are puzzles, you all.
"'They're like mysteries,
"'but God is the great puzzle maker
"'and He can put the puzzle together.
"'You just gotta ask Him for the help.
"'Remember that foxes are," foxes.
Foxes are sneaky and deceptive.
Foxes, you all.
The foxes that come in to spoil your vine,
they are sneaky and deceptive.
And cracks.
You guys, we all have cracks in the foundation.
And so what God's trying to do is heal those cracks
and fill in the foundation.
And sometimes the cracks aren't visible to us.
Sometimes we think we're good, we've done this work,
you know, I've gone around this mountain,
I don't have any cracks,
but we still have some cracks that need filled in.
When we see things a certain way,
we will find evidence of that thing.
So what is the thing that you are certain
that that is what you see?
You know, again, maybe it is the nothing's ever changed
and nothing's ever gonna be different.
Is that what you see?
Because if that is what your focus is on,
you're gonna see more of that.
It's just like when you go to buy a new car.
Guess what you start seeing?
If you find a car you really like,
all of a sudden you start seeing that car.
It's the same principle.
What you believe you become and what you become you attract.
So if you're attracting things and people that are unhealthy
that I would encourage you to look at the way that you think
and where is it leading you?
Is it serving you or is it holding you back?
Okay.
I'm going to go back to Tammy and if anyone else wants to share about anything else, I just said, and maybe something stirring up a new additional. I'm going to open the floor to additional people as well. Okay, Tammy, go ahead.
Sorry.
Okay.
So,
The valves that we have
that
maybe hold us back.
We were all discussing it in our breakout rooms. And sometimes you feel like you haven't
been given enough time to let that go. Like, it might have been six or seven years, but you're not ready to let that thing that you said would never, you'd never let touch you again go, because you saw how unhealthy of an environment it put you in.
It put you in.
So, where do you draw the line in order to let go?
Okay, so there's, there's a difference between walking in wisdom and learning from past mistakes and holding a vow and unforgiveness. Okay, so it's really important to separate the two, you can absolutely learn from the situation and never enter a similar situation again, without holding a vow and holding on forgiveness.
That is keeping other new people out, they may never do the same thing to you ever again.
So my, my kind of response is like, if you're not ready to let that go, my question to you would be why?
Like, what, why not?
It's just that that particular lifestyle
I feel is damaging.
Because when I was in it, there was a lot of backstabbing, a lot of alcohol, even some drugs at times, I didn't do them, but I mean, you know, stuff that I never wanted to be around.
Okay, so let me let me pause you for a minute.
We're not saying go into unhealthy lifestyles, when we ask you to let go of a vow.
If you're saying that you have gained wisdom, that a lifestyle of I'm just going to kind of paraphrase, I don't want to assume but partying, you know, drinking, that you do not feel from the wisdom of of heaven, that that is a life that you want to live in the future.
That is you learning wisdom, that's you learning, you know, where God is leading you, that's not so much making a vow.
A vow is like, I'm never gonna let anyone ever hurt me again, I'm never going to trust people again, where you're generalizing things and you're making a vow about not being able to move forward in your heart.
Totally, totally different from choosing to not go down an unhealthy path.
Well, that lifestyle that I'm discussing was a certain type of involved a certain type of guy who had a certain habit, and I'm not talking excessive alcoholism or drug habit.
But it was a lifestyle that some men have as a hobby that I just won't date a man that has that hobby as even if it's just a hobby, because I'm freaked out over that past relationship.
Again, the difference is that if something is leading you down an unhealthy path, you're not necessarily erecting a wall and making a vow in the sense that you're just saying, you know what, this was unhealthy.
So I'm not going to go down that path again.
Do you understand? No?
So what you're saying is me vowing to stay away from that is actually a good thing because I've learned from the first nightmare.
Yes, because in a sense, what I'm saying to you though, is it's not so much you're making a vow
in that regard. You're saying this was unhealthy. I believe God is leading me on a different path.
You're making a choice. Do you see the difference? You're making a healthy choice.
Well, like the difference is when the vow is like, you're like, I will never do this again.
The difference to me is that those are things that are actually keeping you bound when you
make a vow. Do you understand? Like when we make a vow, those things are not kingdom and not
heavenly, and we're making a vow with them. And they keep us bound and they keep us stuck. Where
if there was something that was harmful or hurtful to us, and we get revelation that that is not
something that God wants us to go into because it's not healthy for us, that's you choosing to
walk on the healthy path. Okay. Okay. A vow is literally, again, you're aligning with something
that is embedded and rooted in a lie. Do you follow me? So if I, okay, if I believe the lie
that people are untrustworthy, and I can't trust anybody, then I make a vow and I agree with it
that I will never trust anybody ever again. Okay, that's the vow and it's rooted in a lie.
You are getting truth and revelation that that place and that situation is unhealthy.
Therefore, you are choosing a different path.
Okay. Okay. Different from making a vow. You are saying I don't want to participate in that
lifestyle ever again, because it's not healthy. It's a choice. Difference between a choice and a
vow. Okay. Is everyone or is everyone, are people following me? Okay. I just want to make sure I
didn't lose everybody. All right. Great question. I think sometimes that's where people get stuck.
They feel like if we ask them to let go of vows, that means you have to go back into unhealthy
situations. Never you all, if you were with someone that was toxic and unhealthy, we would
never encourage you to go back into those situations. Okay. We want you all to move
towards health. And so in this regard, we're letting go of vows that do not lead us into health.
They're keeping us bound. Okay. Good question. Very good question. Yes. Vows restrict and
constrain us. Healthy choices expand you. Yes. Jen, that's great. I love it. Yeah. Because when you
walk into a healthy choice, it's going to really bring a lot of confidence and freedom.
You're going to feel good and in a healthy relationship where you're not experiencing
those kinds of things for sure. Yeah. So good. All right. You guys, I can take one more and I'll
tell you, I saw Jenna Halliday first, so I'm going to go with her. Let's see. Abby, Brittany, Lucy,
Gail. I don't think I miss anyone else. Please put a post in the group so that I can come in and give
you some feedback. Okay. All right. Jenna, go ahead. Sure. So one of the big vows that I dealt
with was trusting people in authority. I had some developmental disabilities growing up. And so
doctors, teachers, even pastors, leaders, I found that I couldn't trust people because they didn't
understand. And so that's kind of where I've struggled, even as I've gotten older, is trusting
people because of that misunderstanding. Yeah. Okay. So Jenna, one of the important things that
this just came up in my spirit that I think will be helpful to you in this process of
the learning how to surrender and let those things go and heal.
Hurt by leaders, healed by and through leaders. Hurt in community, you all healed in community.
And so Jenna, I think you're in a season where God has, I believe, placed you in a community
where you can learn and see that there are leaders that can be healthy. You guys, in our whole lives,
we're going to experience people that are healthy, not healthy, all different kinds of scenarios.
I mean, this church, both of them really that we've been in, I mean, I've never gone through
so much religious abuse ever. I've been saved for like 25 years.
I mean, but it's interesting already in the process, this new potential church, we're
already feeling this healing wave happening.
And so just want to encourage you, Jenna, that even when I'm hearing the phrase, do
it afraid, even when you feel like the enemy is kind of encouraging you to pull back and
not lean in, like to pull back from community, to pull back from your sisters in this group,
I'm going to encourage you to lean in and post anyways, OK, or have a conversation with
someone anyways, or, you know, kind of really allowing yourself to be stretched a little
bit.
And sometimes it's going to feel really uncomfortable.
But in that, I believe God is going to come in and heal some of those wounds from the
past with the leaders where you felt just like they didn't.
I think you said I was trying to write everything down, didn't understand you.
And also.
I had to pause for a minute because I was hearing the Lord say something and I just
want to make sure it was clear.
I really do feel like.
You're going to be an advocate for people that are in your situation, like where you
used to be, that you're going to advocate for them when they're in that situation.
So I want to encourage you to not allow fears of not like what you faced in the past of
any time you struggled with maybe academics or anything like that, that don't let that
hold you back, because I feel like God really does want to to use you in that way.
And I don't know that you want that calling, but I just sense it.
And so I want to speak that over you and just see what God wants to do with that in the
future.
He's the great healer, you all.
He's the great physician.
Nothing's too hard for him.
Your cares, your wounds.
Jenna, thank you for sharing.
And I think earlier I forgot to tell Jessica, thank you for sharing.
So thank you, everyone that shared tonight.
Even if you shared in the chat, I saw things kind of coming up there.
You guys, we all make this experience what it is.
So as you contribute, as you share, you know, whether it's in the chat, during the lives,
in the breakouts, it all works together.
And God is doing stuff through it.
But I was going to say to you, God sees every need that you have.
And I know so often the enemy loves to make people think that God has forgotten them.
And Mother's Day is coming up in a few weeks.
I feel like it's important to acknowledge that this is coming.
You all, Mother's Day is really tough for a lot of people, for a lot of different reasons.
And I want you guys to know that our plan, we have this Sunday night activation all the
time, but the Sunday night of Mother's Day, we are going to do a Mother's Blessing.
I don't know for sure if I'll be able to be on that yet, but for sure some of our other
team will be on.
I really encourage you, if you can come to the Mother's Blessing on the 12th to come,
because the Holy Spirit, I think is going to release some really important supernatural
things to so many of you where the enemy really, you know, wounded you through your mom, or
maybe even the loss of your mom or loss of a sister even is what's coming up in my spirit.
So even though it's Mother's Day, sometimes we feel those losses during these times in
these seasons.
And I want you guys to know I'm praying for you.
Yes, anybody can come to that Sunday night activation.
You don't have to be a mother.
This is for all women and men.
It's co-ed, but we're specifically, we'll do the same.
We'll do some additional stuff that night, but it's going to be a time of ministry in
regards to any kind of, like even some of our moms in here, you have broken relationships
with your kids.
We're going to pray into that, that night.
We just want you to know we care and I'm praying for you guys.
I just, it's something that's really on my heart as I prepare for a Mother's Day sermon
at my own church.
And I just don't want to not mention it tonight.
All right.
Let me pray us out.
You guys have been amazing.
It's our, it's our regular Sunday night thing.
So it's eight o'clock PM Eastern time.
Okay.
That's on May the 12th.
But we have Sunday night activation next Sunday as well.
So it's every Sunday.
Okay.
All right.
Father, thank you so much.
God, thank you that you see every need that we have.
God, I thank you that.
God, you care about us coming out of sin, out of areas of bondage, out of things that
are holding us back.
We pray that you just continue to do the work that you've already begun tonight.
I thank you that as they go to sleep, that you give them sailing.
the rest that you would meet them in their dreams at night, as well as their daydreams
during the day.
God, we thank you that you would quicken, um, this healing work in a supernatural way.
Lord God, we thank you that, um, Lord that you do the heavy lifting God that so many
times that we just, we want, we have that inner spirit that says, I do it myself.
I do it myself, or I've always had to do it by myself, but Lord, we know that's not truth.
God, you've always been there.
You've never left us.
You never forsaken us.
So Lord help us to see in the spirit realm, help us to see the times where we thought
you weren't there for us.
Help us to see the truth.
We just thank you for it in advance in Jesus name.
Amen.
God bless you all.
I'll see you guys in the group.
Have an amazing night.