WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:08.960
Hello, everyone. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Hi. Hi, Gail. I love seeing you guys smile

2
00:00:08.960 --> 00:00:15.240
and be excited to be here. All right. So tonight we're going to have a lot of fun. We're going

3
00:00:15.240 --> 00:00:20.000
to get some breakthrough. I hope you came expectant. If you're driving, it is totally

4
00:00:20.000 --> 00:00:26.200
fine. You guys, we can't go live to Facebook easily anymore. It's like all these things

5
00:00:26.200 --> 00:00:31.480
we've got to go through hoops. And so I just want to encourage you, join us no matter what

6
00:00:31.480 --> 00:00:36.960
on Zoom. And if you can't go into the breakout, just hang out. Like when I set up the breakout

7
00:00:36.960 --> 00:00:42.280
rooms, just stay in the main room with me. Now, when you guys do that, obviously I want

8
00:00:42.280 --> 00:00:46.920
you to be people that legitimately can't go into a breakout. If you're someone that's

9
00:00:46.920 --> 00:00:51.640
just doing that because you're afraid, I want to encourage you to go into the breakout because

10
00:00:51.640 --> 00:00:57.400
that's going to help you get breakthrough. And I just will be praying. So it's like I'm

11
00:00:57.400 --> 00:01:02.160
not going to minister to anybody solely when you guys are all in breakout. So I'll just

12
00:01:02.160 --> 00:01:06.720
be ministering and praying in general during that time, just so you guys know what's going

13
00:01:06.720 --> 00:01:14.520
on. If you've never been here before, would love for you to just somehow let me know that

14
00:01:14.520 --> 00:01:19.400
you're new for the first time. You can put it in the chat. You can raise your hand digitally,

15
00:01:19.400 --> 00:01:26.760
whichever way, just so we can welcome you and say hi to you. Brittany, welcome. Welcome.

16
00:01:26.760 --> 00:01:37.840
Christine is new. Anyone else new tonight? Anyone else? All right. Jamie, welcome. So

17
00:01:37.840 --> 00:01:45.200
glad you're here. Great to see you all. We are believing. Carrie, it is okay. We tell

18
00:01:45.200 --> 00:01:51.920
you guys when you move to phase two, if you want to come and join us for a heartwork session,

19
00:01:51.920 --> 00:01:57.480
that is totally okay. And it's great. The one thing that we do ask is anyone joining

20
00:01:57.480 --> 00:02:02.600
from phase two when we're doing heartwork, please don't bring up any kind of dating stuff.

21
00:02:02.600 --> 00:02:09.160
Okay. If you need heartwork specifically or even yeah. So Carrie, you're in phase two.

22
00:02:09.680 --> 00:02:15.680
If you need heartwork specific to men's stuff, put a post in the Facebook group. We can help

23
00:02:15.680 --> 00:02:21.120
you there, or that can be something we can help you with on your live session. But if

24
00:02:21.120 --> 00:02:26.360
you're just wanting to continue to heal and be here, we welcome you. And we're grateful

25
00:02:26.360 --> 00:02:34.520
that you're here as well. Robin is new and Joe, is it Johanna Johanna? Can you unmute

26
00:02:34.520 --> 00:02:41.360
and tell me how to say your name? Johanna Johanna. Awesome. That's what I thought, but

27
00:02:41.360 --> 00:02:45.920
I just thought I would make sure and joy and all right, ladies, we're about to move on.

28
00:02:45.920 --> 00:02:50.560
I have just very few housekeeping tonight. You guys are going to be so excited because

29
00:02:50.560 --> 00:02:57.560
it's going to take like two minutes. Again, just want to encourage you guys to not give

30
00:02:57.560 --> 00:03:02.680
advice or try to help people in the comments. I feel like we've been doing pretty good,

31
00:03:02.960 --> 00:03:07.080
but I've seen a couple here and there and I don't want anyone to worry. Nobody's in trouble

32
00:03:07.080 --> 00:03:11.360
or anything like that. But we just want to remind you that you're here to receive and

33
00:03:11.360 --> 00:03:17.560
so encourage each other. But the line where it starts going into advice is when you start

34
00:03:17.560 --> 00:03:23.760
like saying this is what helped me get through what you're going through. OK, so our coaches

35
00:03:23.760 --> 00:03:28.000
will do all that kind of stuff. So you guys just to get to be here, encourage each other,

36
00:03:28.160 --> 00:03:35.160
cheer each other on, and then you're in receive mode only. OK, and here's my other thing.

37
00:03:35.160 --> 00:03:40.480
And you guys are already on a roll, which I love this. Normally, I have to encourage

38
00:03:40.480 --> 00:03:47.280
ladies to turn their cameras on. And I have an almost full screen of beautiful faces tonight.

39
00:03:47.280 --> 00:03:51.280
And if you're driving, I understand if you can't turn your camera on. But you guys, I

40
00:03:51.280 --> 00:03:54.600
want to just let you know, if you've not heard me talk about this before, especially our

41
00:03:54.600 --> 00:03:59.680
new ladies, when you're in heartwork and just even in phase two and as you go on the

42
00:03:59.680 --> 00:04:05.200
whole time through, it's important. But especially when you're in heartwork, I believe there's

43
00:04:05.200 --> 00:04:11.240
a healing process that happens in connection with coming out of hiding. So many of you

44
00:04:11.240 --> 00:04:17.079
have felt unseen and unheard for a very, very long time. And God wants you to know that

45
00:04:17.079 --> 00:04:24.440
he sees you. And the importance of you turning your camera on is getting through insecurities.

46
00:04:24.440 --> 00:04:29.880
Let's do it here while you're in heartwork so that when you have online dates potentially

47
00:04:29.880 --> 00:04:34.040
in the future, you guys are going to be working on not being afraid on camera, talking on

48
00:04:34.040 --> 00:04:40.680
camera, engaging and just being seen. All right. So great job. I'm like surprised so

49
00:04:40.680 --> 00:04:46.240
many people already had their camera on tonight. So come in expectant, come in ready to engage.

50
00:04:46.240 --> 00:04:50.320
We love to see you. And yeah, Deborah, it's totally fine if you guys can't if you're at

51
00:04:50.320 --> 00:04:55.440
work. And I will say this, if people are walking on treadmills and stuff, we'd rather

52
00:04:55.440 --> 00:04:59.960
those people not be on camera because that can actually be distracting. So on

53
00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:04.400
that note. All right, let me pray for us and we're going to get started. Father, thank you so much

54
00:05:04.400 --> 00:05:12.720
for this night. Thank you, God, for supernatural revealing, for healing God. We ask for your kingdom

55
00:05:12.720 --> 00:05:17.520
to come, for your will to be done in our hearts, in our minds, our spirits, our bodies, and our

56
00:05:17.520 --> 00:05:23.840
souls tonight here on earth as you desire it in heaven. Jesus, thank you for going to the cross.

57
00:05:23.840 --> 00:05:28.080
Thank you for allowing your body to be broken and your blood to be shed for the forgiveness of our

58
00:05:28.080 --> 00:05:33.040
sins, for our healing, for our redemption, for our freedom. We thank you that where the spirit of the

59
00:05:33.040 --> 00:05:39.040
Lord is, there is freedom. So, Holy Spirit, we ask you to come. We ask you to come and inhabit

60
00:05:39.040 --> 00:05:46.240
our conversations, to be with us as I'm sharing, God. I, like, literally, I am your mouthpiece,

61
00:05:46.240 --> 00:05:52.640
Lord. I pray that you would help me to decrease, help your spirit to increase, and let yourself

62
00:05:52.640 --> 00:05:57.440
be known. We thank you, good Father, who brings good gifts to your daughters tonight, and we just

63
00:05:57.440 --> 00:06:00.960
thank you for revealings, for healing, that you would bring things out of darkness into the light,

64
00:06:01.920 --> 00:06:06.320
that literally while we talk tonight, while the teaching and the session is happening,

65
00:06:06.320 --> 00:06:11.920
that things will percolate to the surface, that they will come out, come up, Lord God,

66
00:06:11.920 --> 00:06:17.040
up out of their spirits, that things that they have long forgotten, but that are still causing

67
00:06:17.040 --> 00:06:22.320
disruption in their souls and their spirits, things that are causing them to be stuck, we thank you,

68
00:06:22.320 --> 00:06:29.440
God. Yes, Lord, that you are the obstacle remover, and we thank you for people that have been stuck

69
00:06:29.440 --> 00:06:34.880
for a long time, being set free from the things that have held them back, and we thank you for

70
00:06:35.760 --> 00:06:42.160
Holy Spirit walking with us every step of the way. In Jesus name, amen, amen, and amen. All right, so

71
00:06:42.960 --> 00:06:50.640
tonight we are going to talk first. I have a couple things. I think I'm going to go the other

72
00:06:50.640 --> 00:06:56.000
direction first, actually. I'm feeling the Holy Spirit on this. I didn't talk about this this

73
00:06:56.000 --> 00:07:01.920
afternoon, but I'm feeling led to mention it tonight, and it will segue really well with

74
00:07:02.560 --> 00:07:10.480
our content we're going to go right into. I heard the Lord say, as I was looking through old notes

75
00:07:10.480 --> 00:07:15.440
and sessions that I've led, and looking at everything that we've talked about over the years,

76
00:07:16.240 --> 00:07:22.800
this one note caught my attention today, and this is what it says. Victim language,

77
00:07:23.920 --> 00:07:31.360
we need to step out of it. So, victim language, we need to step out of it.

78
00:07:33.520 --> 00:07:43.280
We want to really ask the Lord tonight, is there any area of our hearts where we have a posture

79
00:07:43.280 --> 00:07:56.720
of victim instead of victor, where we want to get justice or revenge, and I'm not talking about you

80
00:07:56.720 --> 00:08:04.640
guys court custody things with kids or anything like that. I'm talking about the vengeance in our

81
00:08:04.640 --> 00:08:12.160
heart, okay, so a heart posture, a heart attitude. We're not going to go into forgiveness tonight,

82
00:08:12.160 --> 00:08:18.320
but we'll probably be visiting forgiveness a little bit next week. The Lord's already been

83
00:08:18.320 --> 00:08:26.640
giving me some content, but you guys, it's important for you as you continue to move

84
00:08:26.640 --> 00:08:36.240
forward into everything God has for you, for you to be willing to surrender to the idea of revenge,

85
00:08:37.200 --> 00:08:42.559
and here's where I feel the Holy Spirit is even leading as I'm talking about this, is that

86
00:08:44.000 --> 00:08:51.840
I'm never saying it's okay what they did to hurt you in any way, but what I am saying is that

87
00:08:51.840 --> 00:08:59.200
in order for you to move forward, some of you have to be willing to let that go, because you're

88
00:08:59.200 --> 00:09:05.360
kind of like holding back over here because you're still so angry, and you're looking

89
00:09:06.320 --> 00:09:11.680
for justification. You're looking for people to justify and stand up for you, and none of those

90
00:09:11.680 --> 00:09:18.560
things are bad, but for some of you in particular, you literally cannot move forward until you

91
00:09:18.560 --> 00:09:26.240
release that, okay, and normally I wouldn't go in this heavy this quick, but I felt the Holy Spirit.

92
00:09:26.240 --> 00:09:30.400
I was going to talk about that later. I just want to kind of get it out of the way, and then we're

93
00:09:30.960 --> 00:09:37.360
going to move on, but just be praying. Be praying if that's resonating in your heart or if that's

94
00:09:37.360 --> 00:09:43.840
hurting when I talk about it. Be aware of what is happening in your spirit, in your heart, in your

95
00:09:43.840 --> 00:09:52.880
soul, even thinking about forgiveness and releasing the people that have harmed you and the fullness

96
00:09:52.880 --> 00:09:59.040
of that, like the liberty that it'll bring you, not just, oh my gosh, they get away scot-free.

97
00:09:59.040 --> 00:10:00.080
That's not truth.

98
00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:05.520
People will all, you guys, not that we wish this on people, but the reality is,

99
00:10:05.520 --> 00:10:09.720
is sin always has consequences, even for us.

100
00:10:10.580 --> 00:10:13.080
So sin will always have a consequence for them.

101
00:10:13.080 --> 00:10:19.100
It might not be what we want or what we kind of wish on them at times.

102
00:10:19.100 --> 00:10:20.460
And yes, I've been there.

103
00:10:20.580 --> 00:10:21.140
Yes.

104
00:10:21.180 --> 00:10:25.020
I used to wish harm on the people that hurt me until I found Jesus

105
00:10:25.020 --> 00:10:27.240
and learned a different way.

106
00:10:28.180 --> 00:10:32.720
But what I am saying is I've seen some of those people suffer great loss.

107
00:10:33.360 --> 00:10:36.280
And honestly, I am not happy about it.

108
00:10:36.280 --> 00:10:39.240
I feel sad for them because hurt people hurt people.

109
00:10:39.240 --> 00:10:43.760
And then, you know, they go through brokenness when they live lifestyles of sin.

110
00:10:44.820 --> 00:10:45.360
All right.

111
00:10:45.360 --> 00:10:54.720
So on that note, I want to move towards, um, it's time to take the record off the

112
00:10:55.060 --> 00:10:56.040
record player.

113
00:10:56.320 --> 00:11:00.440
And what I mean by that is this, if you can imagine with me, and some of you

114
00:11:00.440 --> 00:11:04.920
guys are younger, so you may have never had a record player that's legit.

115
00:11:04.920 --> 00:11:08.400
Our young folks may have never had a record player in your home.

116
00:11:08.880 --> 00:11:15.860
Um, but if you can imagine with me for a moment, you know, if to remove the

117
00:11:15.860 --> 00:11:20.620
record, you have to remove that needle that was playing the record, or you

118
00:11:20.620 --> 00:11:21.880
scratch the whole record, right?

119
00:11:21.880 --> 00:11:23.160
You got to move that other way.

120
00:11:23.680 --> 00:11:27.400
But then you lift the record off and you literally, you know, kind of like the

121
00:11:27.400 --> 00:11:31.440
CDs, you get the record and you put the new one on and where am I going with us?

122
00:11:31.440 --> 00:11:37.240
Here's the thing I've been noticing in some of the posts and some of the, uh,

123
00:11:37.320 --> 00:11:41.120
weekly roll call, just this underlying thread.

124
00:11:41.120 --> 00:11:43.360
It really hasn't been anything overt you guys.

125
00:11:43.360 --> 00:11:45.200
So don't, don't be worried.

126
00:11:45.240 --> 00:11:47.800
Don't feel like you shouldn't post what you're posting.

127
00:11:47.800 --> 00:11:52.040
Cause this is how we lean in and we hear what the Holy spirit is showing us

128
00:11:52.080 --> 00:11:57.400
underneath of what's being shared by some of you and that's how we create the

129
00:11:57.400 --> 00:12:03.160
content and things to help you, um, as a group, get the breakthrough that you need.

130
00:12:03.160 --> 00:12:08.760
Cause each group, even if we have some similar content, each group, each time we

131
00:12:08.760 --> 00:12:13.800
get together is different because the people that are here are different.

132
00:12:14.600 --> 00:12:16.240
Here's, here's what I'm seeing.

133
00:12:16.280 --> 00:12:22.320
I'm seeing people that are saying things like, will this time be any different?

134
00:12:24.200 --> 00:12:27.800
I've done this work before and it's never worked.

135
00:12:27.840 --> 00:12:30.720
So what makes this thing so special?

136
00:12:30.760 --> 00:12:33.440
Because I'm not feeling anything right now.

137
00:12:34.240 --> 00:12:35.680
Nothing is changing.

138
00:12:35.800 --> 00:12:37.360
I'm not getting breakthrough.

139
00:12:38.160 --> 00:12:42.840
And I'm not shaming any of that because that's how you guys really

140
00:12:42.840 --> 00:12:44.360
felt when you wrote those things.

141
00:12:44.400 --> 00:12:47.840
And so I'm glad that you shared them, but here's the thing.

142
00:12:48.960 --> 00:12:53.480
When we stay in mindsets like that.

143
00:12:54.480 --> 00:12:56.560
And we partner with those thoughts.

144
00:12:57.080 --> 00:13:00.880
Um, one of the things that the Holy spirit gave me this today, it's actually

145
00:13:00.880 --> 00:13:04.280
like, we, we kind of like embrace those things, right?

146
00:13:04.400 --> 00:13:07.120
We think on them, we meditate on them.

147
00:13:07.400 --> 00:13:11.120
And then it, it literally is like, they become so close as if

148
00:13:11.120 --> 00:13:13.320
they become a part of the family.

149
00:13:14.040 --> 00:13:18.520
Some of you all have had these mindsets, you know, most of your life, and it might

150
00:13:18.520 --> 00:13:23.440
be additional things to what I've said here, and maybe it's your job.

151
00:13:23.440 --> 00:13:24.800
Maybe it's not about the spirit mate.

152
00:13:24.800 --> 00:13:29.640
Maybe some of you guys are asking God for something different in an area of your

153
00:13:29.640 --> 00:13:33.240
life, and you're not seeing that breakthrough and you really don't believe

154
00:13:33.240 --> 00:13:34.920
that God is going to come through for you.

155
00:13:36.720 --> 00:13:42.600
That's, that's the crux of it all is if, if we think on thoughts like that and we

156
00:13:42.600 --> 00:13:47.360
allow them to take root typically underneath the surface of those thoughts

157
00:13:47.760 --> 00:13:52.600
is that somewhere underneath of there, we don't believe God came through for us

158
00:13:52.600 --> 00:13:57.320
before, and we don't believe he's going to come through for us now.

159
00:13:58.200 --> 00:13:58.640
Okay.

160
00:13:59.960 --> 00:14:02.440
So I want to encourage you guys to catch a thought.

161
00:14:02.640 --> 00:14:05.040
That's going to be kind of our theme tonight to catch a

162
00:14:05.040 --> 00:14:06.800
thought and to catch it quickly.

163
00:14:07.800 --> 00:14:13.280
Second Corinthians 10 verses three through five, and then a NIV version says

164
00:14:13.280 --> 00:14:17.040
this for though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.

165
00:14:17.520 --> 00:14:20.640
The weapons we fight are not the, excuse me.

166
00:14:20.640 --> 00:14:23.840
The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world.

167
00:14:23.880 --> 00:14:28.920
On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.

168
00:14:29.120 --> 00:14:32.360
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up

169
00:14:32.400 --> 00:14:33.920
against the knowledge of God.

170
00:14:33.920 --> 00:14:39.880
And we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

171
00:14:40.120 --> 00:14:43.440
That is second Corinthians 10 verse three through five.

172
00:14:44.120 --> 00:14:50.560
And so not just a thought, but every thought you all every thought.

173
00:14:51.080 --> 00:14:55.040
Um, one of the things that God started showing me years ago is like, when we

174
00:14:55.040 --> 00:14:58.800
have these thoughts in our head, that we would actually kind of slow them down

175
00:14:58.800 --> 00:15:00.000
enough to say, God is this.

176
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:04.760
Is this your thought, is this my thought, or is this a thought from the enemy?

177
00:15:04.760 --> 00:15:09.160
Where you're starting to recognize and ask God to give you discernment on the thoughts

178
00:15:09.160 --> 00:15:12.560
that you're actually thinking about and meditating on.

179
00:15:12.560 --> 00:15:19.880
And again, so many times we grow up hearing people tell us stuff, and then we go through

180
00:15:19.880 --> 00:15:24.900
life and trials and situations, and we believe lies, and then we begin partnering with those

181
00:15:24.900 --> 00:15:26.800
things as well.

182
00:15:26.800 --> 00:15:29.820
Sometimes different ones, sometimes similar ones.

183
00:15:29.820 --> 00:15:33.840
And so then they, again, become like a way of life for us.

184
00:15:33.840 --> 00:15:35.880
It becomes the habit, the go-to.

185
00:15:35.880 --> 00:15:43.320
So anytime we go through a hard time, you guys, those are our go-to thoughts.

186
00:15:43.320 --> 00:15:47.080
So I want you to think right now, and even jot down on your paper as you're hearing me

187
00:15:47.080 --> 00:15:51.560
talk, are there any, or you can even put in the chat, whatever you guys want to do.

188
00:15:51.560 --> 00:15:59.720
Are there any thoughts that tend to surface very quickly when something hard happens?

189
00:15:59.720 --> 00:16:04.020
When you go through something hard, what is your go-to in your mind?

190
00:16:04.020 --> 00:16:05.020
Where do you go?

191
00:16:05.020 --> 00:16:06.020
All right.

192
00:16:06.020 --> 00:16:12.020
So as you guys start to put those in the chat, I'm going to keep going.

193
00:16:12.020 --> 00:16:16.940
Romans chapter two, verse two says, do not conform to the pattern of this world, but

194
00:16:16.940 --> 00:16:21.720
be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

195
00:16:21.720 --> 00:16:28.740
Then you'll be able to test what's, excuse me, test what God's will is, his good, pleasing

196
00:16:28.760 --> 00:16:31.760
and perfect will.

197
00:16:31.760 --> 00:16:37.920
Jackie talks a lot in her book about our head, like the mind, transforming and renewing our

198
00:16:37.920 --> 00:16:41.640
mind and how the heart and the mind are connected.

199
00:16:41.640 --> 00:16:47.880
But so often we have thoughts up in our head, but we don't fully have the revelation and

200
00:16:47.880 --> 00:16:52.800
the healing that's needed for it to really take root in our heart.

201
00:16:52.800 --> 00:16:58.140
So at some point, God wants to help us bring that disconnect between head and heart and

202
00:16:58.140 --> 00:17:04.140
really enable us to understand what he's saying to us.

203
00:17:04.140 --> 00:17:05.140
Okay.

204
00:17:05.140 --> 00:17:07.780
I'm going to read some of these out loud for you all.

205
00:17:07.780 --> 00:17:08.780
Not again.

206
00:17:08.780 --> 00:17:10.020
Why does this happen to me?

207
00:17:10.020 --> 00:17:11.020
Okay.

208
00:17:11.020 --> 00:17:12.540
Key phrase, not again.

209
00:17:12.540 --> 00:17:14.220
Let's not forget that there.

210
00:17:14.220 --> 00:17:17.020
I'll always end up alone again.

211
00:17:17.020 --> 00:17:18.020
What's next?

212
00:17:18.020 --> 00:17:19.660
It all falls to pieces.

213
00:17:19.660 --> 00:17:20.660
Okay.

214
00:17:20.660 --> 00:17:21.740
It all falls to pieces.

215
00:17:21.760 --> 00:17:24.160
I'm going to come back and probably circle back to that too.

216
00:17:24.160 --> 00:17:25.160
I'm tired.

217
00:17:25.160 --> 00:17:26.160
I can't keep going.

218
00:17:26.160 --> 00:17:27.160
Keep doing this.

219
00:17:27.160 --> 00:17:29.880
I'm not going to make it all right.

220
00:17:29.880 --> 00:17:30.880
You guys, there's several.

221
00:17:30.880 --> 00:17:33.560
I'm going to just, I want to read more, but I got to do these.

222
00:17:33.560 --> 00:17:34.960
These are, these are really good.

223
00:17:34.960 --> 00:17:35.960
Okay.

224
00:17:35.960 --> 00:17:36.960
So not again.

225
00:17:36.960 --> 00:17:39.200
You all really quickly.

226
00:17:39.200 --> 00:17:47.120
One of the quickest ways to stop that thought from continuing to morph and grow after you

227
00:17:47.120 --> 00:17:48.400
have it.

228
00:17:48.400 --> 00:17:49.640
What not again?

229
00:17:49.640 --> 00:17:55.860
When did the first thing happen that caused you to feel not again, like something similar

230
00:17:55.860 --> 00:18:02.380
is happening and you feel like there's a cycle there that isn't, isn't a good one that you're

231
00:18:02.380 --> 00:18:08.180
experiencing some kind of pain that's causing you to have the thought not again.

232
00:18:08.180 --> 00:18:10.180
So when is the original one?

233
00:18:10.180 --> 00:18:11.940
Again, we're asking the Holy spirit.

234
00:18:11.940 --> 00:18:17.100
You're not trying to figure these things out on your own, but then the second time, what

235
00:18:17.100 --> 00:18:20.040
was the thing that happened that reinforced that?

236
00:18:20.040 --> 00:18:21.040
Okay.

237
00:18:21.040 --> 00:18:26.760
That reinforced that pain that reinforced that lie that reinforced the original trauma.

238
00:18:26.760 --> 00:18:28.160
All right.

239
00:18:28.160 --> 00:18:29.520
It all falls to pieces.

240
00:18:29.520 --> 00:18:30.520
All right.

241
00:18:30.520 --> 00:18:32.480
So let's look at this guys.

242
00:18:32.480 --> 00:18:38.360
When something happens and we have a thought that it all falls to pieces, like, okay, the

243
00:18:38.360 --> 00:18:45.720
reality is, is typically when we say or think things like that, we really believe that our

244
00:18:45.820 --> 00:18:54.700
life on a regular basis isn't good or that when it is good, it won't last and it all

245
00:18:54.700 --> 00:18:56.300
falls to pieces.

246
00:18:56.300 --> 00:19:03.180
So somewhere along the way, we believed the lie that we can only have good stuff for a

247
00:19:03.180 --> 00:19:06.540
little bit.

248
00:19:06.540 --> 00:19:14.780
So when is the first time you believed that the other shoe will always drop, that the

249
00:19:14.840 --> 00:19:23.960
good things will always be taken from you or that you will mess it up somehow.

250
00:19:23.960 --> 00:19:27.280
And you guys, again, you're asking, I'm just kind of, I'm throwing these out kind of like

251
00:19:27.280 --> 00:19:29.080
a grab bag tonight a little bit.

252
00:19:29.080 --> 00:19:33.920
I want to do kind of like last night we did a popcorn or whatever we called it in the

253
00:19:33.920 --> 00:19:37.840
prophetic night, but this is kind of like ways I can get information to you guys.

254
00:19:37.840 --> 00:19:41.680
So you can process some of these things that are happening.

255
00:19:41.680 --> 00:19:43.040
All right.

256
00:19:43.100 --> 00:19:45.980
And then I feel like there was another one.

257
00:19:45.980 --> 00:19:46.980
I'm tired.

258
00:19:46.980 --> 00:19:47.980
I can't keep doing this.

259
00:19:47.980 --> 00:19:49.540
I'm not going to make it.

260
00:19:49.540 --> 00:19:50.540
All right.

261
00:19:50.540 --> 00:19:57.100
So you all, these are things we have to understand the more that we say, like I even catch myself.

262
00:19:57.100 --> 00:19:58.860
I'm so overwhelmed.

263
00:19:58.860 --> 00:19:59.860
I'm so overwhelmed.

264
00:19:59.860 --> 00:20:00.100
I have so much.

265
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:01.040
So much to get done.

266
00:20:01.040 --> 00:20:03.440
I'm never going to be able to get this all done.

267
00:20:03.440 --> 00:20:04.720
Wait, wait, wait.

268
00:20:04.720 --> 00:20:07.360
I told my husband today that the Lord has really

269
00:20:07.360 --> 00:20:08.400
been talking to me.

270
00:20:08.400 --> 00:20:10.840
I mean, it's been the last five or six months

271
00:20:10.840 --> 00:20:13.800
to not say those things, even if I feel it,

272
00:20:13.800 --> 00:20:15.520
to not agree with it.

273
00:20:15.520 --> 00:20:18.320
Because typically, when I feel that way,

274
00:20:18.320 --> 00:20:24.240
I'm believing a lie that there's too much for me,

275
00:20:24.240 --> 00:20:27.360
Bethany, who has to conquer everything,

276
00:20:27.360 --> 00:20:28.680
for me to accomplish.

277
00:20:28.680 --> 00:20:33.680
But am I leaving room for God in that?

278
00:20:33.680 --> 00:20:36.360
Am I forgetting that God says, I don't

279
00:20:36.360 --> 00:20:38.000
need to worry about tomorrow?

280
00:20:38.000 --> 00:20:40.560
For tomorrow will worry about its own self.

281
00:20:40.560 --> 00:20:46.480
And all I have to do is take care of today.

282
00:20:46.480 --> 00:20:50.600
Y'all, as soon as we lean into that,

283
00:20:50.600 --> 00:20:55.520
truly, it can demolish anxiety in that moment.

284
00:20:55.520 --> 00:20:57.280
And I'm not talking about people that

285
00:20:57.280 --> 00:21:00.000
have massive struggles with anxiety, OK?

286
00:21:00.000 --> 00:21:02.240
That's totally different, because that's

287
00:21:02.240 --> 00:21:05.680
kind of deeper work that has to happen.

288
00:21:05.680 --> 00:21:10.200
But I will also say, and feeling tired is real.

289
00:21:10.200 --> 00:21:11.680
I have felt fatigue.

290
00:21:11.680 --> 00:21:12.840
I have felt tired.

291
00:21:12.840 --> 00:21:15.640
I've battled things over the years.

292
00:21:15.640 --> 00:21:19.400
But I will say that when I say it,

293
00:21:19.400 --> 00:21:22.600
there's something about when I say it out loud

294
00:21:22.600 --> 00:21:27.200
that I actually feel like it creates more of that.

295
00:21:27.200 --> 00:21:29.920
So I want to encourage you guys.

296
00:21:29.920 --> 00:21:32.120
And it's not like you can't be real, OK?

297
00:21:32.120 --> 00:21:36.040
So please don't misunderstand me in that regard either.

298
00:21:36.040 --> 00:21:39.720
But when we say things like, I can't keep doing this,

299
00:21:39.720 --> 00:21:44.320
I'm not going to make it, are we inviting God to come in

300
00:21:44.320 --> 00:21:48.440
and help us accomplish that thing to which we are setting

301
00:21:48.440 --> 00:21:51.240
our hand to do, to that which we are trying

302
00:21:51.240 --> 00:21:53.800
to move into and accomplish?

303
00:21:53.840 --> 00:21:56.480
So I want to make sure you guys are always

304
00:21:56.480 --> 00:21:58.960
inviting God in to help you.

305
00:21:58.960 --> 00:22:01.840
Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit, they are three in one.

306
00:22:01.840 --> 00:22:05.280
And they are there to help you every step of the way, OK?

307
00:22:05.280 --> 00:22:08.240
They don't respect me, feel like I'm being punished,

308
00:22:08.240 --> 00:22:11.200
why can't it be easy.

309
00:22:11.200 --> 00:22:13.400
I turn to God and pray while in a quiet place.

310
00:22:13.400 --> 00:22:18.560
If I can't go equally, I'll keep my mouth shut and pray, OK?

311
00:22:18.560 --> 00:22:21.440
We'll ever catch a break, can't do anything right.

312
00:22:23.880 --> 00:22:26.120
Typically, again, Aneesha, that's

313
00:22:26.120 --> 00:22:29.640
going to go back to when, remember,

314
00:22:29.640 --> 00:22:33.720
the first times when you started feeling like perfectionism

315
00:22:33.720 --> 00:22:36.600
kicked into gear, which comes from really, guys,

316
00:22:36.600 --> 00:22:39.760
a lot of perfectionism comes from insecurity.

317
00:22:39.760 --> 00:22:42.120
The lies that you're never enough or you're too much,

318
00:22:42.120 --> 00:22:44.120
all that kind of stuff.

319
00:22:44.120 --> 00:22:46.040
I'm going to kind of buzz through these real quick

320
00:22:46.040 --> 00:22:48.480
because I want to keep going.

321
00:22:48.480 --> 00:22:49.360
Thank you, guys.

322
00:22:49.360 --> 00:22:51.120
And just so you know, if I don't read yours,

323
00:22:51.160 --> 00:22:54.560
don't feel like it didn't matter that you put it in the chat

324
00:22:54.560 --> 00:22:57.120
because you guys doing that is for you

325
00:22:57.120 --> 00:23:00.960
and it helps get you breakthrough in and of itself

326
00:23:00.960 --> 00:23:03.520
when you write it.

327
00:23:03.520 --> 00:23:04.680
OK, OK.

328
00:23:04.680 --> 00:23:05.400
Good, good, good.

329
00:23:10.840 --> 00:23:15.840
I can't have what I want.

330
00:23:15.840 --> 00:23:18.120
Yeah.

331
00:23:18.120 --> 00:23:20.320
So here's the truth on that.

332
00:23:20.320 --> 00:23:22.160
I can't have what I want.

333
00:23:22.160 --> 00:23:25.680
You can if it's good for you.

334
00:23:25.680 --> 00:23:30.080
Sometimes you all, years ago, I was in a relationship

335
00:23:30.080 --> 00:23:33.880
and I wanted to marry that guy.

336
00:23:33.880 --> 00:23:35.960
I wanted to marry him.

337
00:23:35.960 --> 00:23:37.400
I love his daughters.

338
00:23:37.400 --> 00:23:39.760
That's my spiritual daughters now.

339
00:23:39.760 --> 00:23:43.920
Praise Jesus that God protected me from doing that.

340
00:23:43.920 --> 00:23:49.280
You all, my life would never be what it is right now.

341
00:23:49.280 --> 00:23:51.240
If any of that had happened.

342
00:23:51.240 --> 00:23:55.680
But in that moment, that's what I wanted.

343
00:23:55.680 --> 00:23:58.840
And so I'm not saying that's the same thing for you all,

344
00:23:58.840 --> 00:24:02.560
but I want you to kind of just consider

345
00:24:02.560 --> 00:24:07.760
that if what you want hasn't happened yet,

346
00:24:07.760 --> 00:24:10.920
it may not be really what is best for you.

347
00:24:13.400 --> 00:24:15.000
OK.

348
00:24:15.000 --> 00:24:18.120
God didn't want me to be in a relationship with a man that

349
00:24:18.120 --> 00:24:21.880
cheated on me over and over and over again.

350
00:24:21.880 --> 00:24:23.320
He didn't want me in a relationship

351
00:24:23.320 --> 00:24:28.200
with a man who was so insecure that he verbally and mentally

352
00:24:28.200 --> 00:24:33.000
and emotionally abused me to make himself bigger.

353
00:24:33.000 --> 00:24:36.360
God didn't want me with a man that wouldn't even

354
00:24:36.360 --> 00:24:38.000
support me in ministry.

355
00:24:38.000 --> 00:24:40.920
There were times I would be coaching and leading women

356
00:24:40.920 --> 00:24:43.080
and he would come in and out of the room

357
00:24:43.080 --> 00:24:48.680
and do things to try to bring disruption, not support.

358
00:24:48.680 --> 00:24:50.920
Instead, God had a spirit mate for me

359
00:24:50.920 --> 00:24:53.040
that I am running and doing life with.

360
00:24:53.040 --> 00:24:54.400
I'm having so much fun.

361
00:24:54.400 --> 00:24:56.040
We laugh.

362
00:24:56.040 --> 00:24:58.320
God knew what I needed.

363
00:24:58.320 --> 00:24:59.520
God knew what I needed.

364
00:24:59.520 --> 00:25:01.320
God knew.

365
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:04.920
what I really wanted, and when the time was right,

366
00:25:04.920 --> 00:25:08.200
when I was healed and I was ready,

367
00:25:08.200 --> 00:25:10.080
he brought him into my life.

368
00:25:10.080 --> 00:25:12.120
And I was able to recognize him

369
00:25:12.120 --> 00:25:15.760
because I had healed and prepared to see him, okay?

370
00:25:16.760 --> 00:25:19.560
But also on that, Sarah, or anyone else

371
00:25:19.560 --> 00:25:23.000
that feels like I can never have what I want,

372
00:25:23.000 --> 00:25:25.000
I would encourage you to ask the Lord

373
00:25:25.000 --> 00:25:27.200
to reveal if there was ever a time when you were a kid

374
00:25:27.200 --> 00:25:30.600
where there really was something that you wanted,

375
00:25:30.600 --> 00:25:33.800
even if it was a game or,

376
00:25:33.800 --> 00:25:35.240
I don't know what this is coming to my mind,

377
00:25:35.240 --> 00:25:37.280
but a cabbage patch kid or something

378
00:25:37.280 --> 00:25:39.560
that you just deeply, deeply wanted

379
00:25:39.560 --> 00:25:44.560
and you felt wounded because you didn't get it.

380
00:25:44.640 --> 00:25:45.920
Last night in the prophetic night,

381
00:25:45.920 --> 00:25:47.320
if you guys haven't listened to it yet,

382
00:25:47.320 --> 00:25:49.000
I encourage you to listen to it.

383
00:25:49.000 --> 00:25:50.200
There was a lot of words

384
00:25:50.200 --> 00:25:53.240
about God restoring childhood things.

385
00:25:53.240 --> 00:25:54.960
It was a powerful night.

386
00:25:54.960 --> 00:25:58.280
And it's interesting because what just came to my mind,

387
00:25:58.280 --> 00:25:59.680
as I said, the cabbage patch thing,

388
00:25:59.680 --> 00:26:04.200
is when I was little, my dad was like never in my life.

389
00:26:04.200 --> 00:26:06.040
And he was a drug addict, alcoholic,

390
00:26:06.040 --> 00:26:10.040
and he was in prison a large part of my life as well.

391
00:26:10.040 --> 00:26:12.120
And I remember being at the age,

392
00:26:12.120 --> 00:26:13.280
I don't know if y'all, again,

393
00:26:13.280 --> 00:26:16.800
the younger ladies may not know, but the pound puppies.

394
00:26:16.800 --> 00:26:18.960
Does anyone ever remember pound puppies?

395
00:26:18.960 --> 00:26:22.400
They were like a huge thing and everybody had pound puppies.

396
00:26:22.400 --> 00:26:25.960
And I wanted a pound puppy so bad.

397
00:26:25.960 --> 00:26:28.680
And I remember I got this thing from my dad.

398
00:26:28.680 --> 00:26:31.880
He sent it from the jail and I was so excited

399
00:26:31.880 --> 00:26:34.160
because it looked like a pound puppy,

400
00:26:34.160 --> 00:26:36.920
but it wasn't a pound puppy.

401
00:26:36.920 --> 00:26:39.680
I still love that thing and I was still so grateful for it,

402
00:26:39.680 --> 00:26:42.920
but I can remember the disappointment.

403
00:26:42.920 --> 00:26:44.280
And again, we're like kids,

404
00:26:44.280 --> 00:26:47.560
so we don't fully understand or comprehend, right?

405
00:26:47.560 --> 00:26:52.240
But it wasn't just that it wasn't a pound puppy, you guys.

406
00:26:53.080 --> 00:26:58.080
It was that my dad, he wasn't there to give it to me

407
00:26:58.920 --> 00:27:01.960
and it wasn't really what I wanted.

408
00:27:01.960 --> 00:27:04.360
It was a counterfeit.

409
00:27:04.360 --> 00:27:06.040
Does that make sense?

410
00:27:06.040 --> 00:27:09.040
So it seems like a small thing,

411
00:27:09.040 --> 00:27:11.680
but y'all had to do some hard work on that stuff.

412
00:27:11.680 --> 00:27:14.280
That pound puppy, I remember holding that thing,

413
00:27:14.280 --> 00:27:19.280
crying as a kid because my dad wasn't there.

414
00:27:19.640 --> 00:27:21.080
So there's a lot of emotion

415
00:27:21.080 --> 00:27:24.800
and things connected to that, all right?

416
00:27:24.800 --> 00:27:27.440
So just be aware of those things as they pop up,

417
00:27:27.440 --> 00:27:29.960
as the Holy Spirit brings those things to the surface,

418
00:27:29.960 --> 00:27:30.880
don't ignore them,

419
00:27:30.880 --> 00:27:33.640
don't tell yourself you're stupid or it's silly.

420
00:27:33.640 --> 00:27:34.960
Please, I wanna encourage you all,

421
00:27:34.960 --> 00:27:38.360
when you do post, please don't say things like,

422
00:27:38.360 --> 00:27:41.080
this might be really silly or this might sound stupid

423
00:27:41.080 --> 00:27:44.120
because it's not going to, okay?

424
00:27:44.120 --> 00:27:46.000
All right, we're gonna keep moving.

425
00:27:46.000 --> 00:27:48.560
So you're gonna go into the breakout session

426
00:27:49.120 --> 00:27:50.920
I'm gonna do a little bit more prep for you,

427
00:27:50.920 --> 00:27:54.360
but we're gonna be talking about inner vows.

428
00:27:54.360 --> 00:27:57.280
I want you guys to think about when people do get married,

429
00:27:57.280 --> 00:28:00.240
they are making a vow before people openly,

430
00:28:00.240 --> 00:28:03.200
they're making a covenant and they're agreeing

431
00:28:03.200 --> 00:28:05.680
that they're gonna do life for better, for worse

432
00:28:05.680 --> 00:28:08.040
and sickness and health, all of those kinds of things.

433
00:28:08.040 --> 00:28:13.040
So they're making a vow that they are saying,

434
00:28:13.720 --> 00:28:15.720
they're not going to break, right?

435
00:28:15.720 --> 00:28:18.160
So an inner vow is similar.

436
00:28:18.800 --> 00:28:21.040
That's why I wanted to kind of explain that.

437
00:28:21.040 --> 00:28:26.040
An inner vow is similar, but it's on the inside.

438
00:28:26.280 --> 00:28:28.080
And there are a lot of times

439
00:28:28.080 --> 00:28:30.400
where you're not making those vows with other people,

440
00:28:30.400 --> 00:28:32.400
you're making them with yourself

441
00:28:33.280 --> 00:28:38.240
and it is reinforced basically by the enemy, okay?

442
00:28:38.240 --> 00:28:40.080
So in the book, it talks about this.

443
00:28:40.080 --> 00:28:41.440
It says, but even though you won't be able

444
00:28:41.440 --> 00:28:42.920
to replace the actual events,

445
00:28:42.920 --> 00:28:45.960
so the traumas and the painful things we've been through

446
00:28:45.960 --> 00:28:47.080
that happened in your life,

447
00:28:47.080 --> 00:28:49.360
you can replace the lies you believed.

448
00:28:49.360 --> 00:28:52.840
And most importantly, the vows you made

449
00:28:52.840 --> 00:28:54.200
as a result of them.

450
00:28:55.160 --> 00:28:57.600
When we experience these hurts in life, they make us sad.

451
00:28:57.600 --> 00:29:01.160
And when we are sad, that's when anger shows up.

452
00:29:01.160 --> 00:29:04.360
Anger is always the defender.

453
00:29:04.360 --> 00:29:07.120
It shows up when those wounded and vulnerable parts

454
00:29:07.120 --> 00:29:10.080
of your heart feel threatened.

455
00:29:10.080 --> 00:29:13.960
When anger is around, we feel strong

456
00:29:13.960 --> 00:29:15.480
and we start to make inner vows.

457
00:29:15.480 --> 00:29:17.920
Here are some of those inner vows.

458
00:29:17.920 --> 00:29:19.840
Nobody is ever gonna hurt me.

459
00:29:19.840 --> 00:29:21.920
I don't care about anyone.

460
00:29:21.920 --> 00:29:24.360
I can't trust anybody.

461
00:29:24.360 --> 00:29:27.600
I will never turn out like my mother and or father.

462
00:29:27.600 --> 00:29:30.120
I won't be made a fool anymore.

463
00:29:30.120 --> 00:29:33.120
Nobody is gonna tell me what to do.

464
00:29:33.120 --> 00:29:35.120
I can't tell anybody about this.

465
00:29:35.120 --> 00:29:37.840
So maybe you have a fear, something you've gone through

466
00:29:37.840 --> 00:29:41.200
and you just like, I can't tell anybody

467
00:29:41.200 --> 00:29:43.440
that this happened, okay?

468
00:29:43.440 --> 00:29:45.320
That is a vow and you wanna come out

469
00:29:45.320 --> 00:29:46.520
of alignment with that.

470
00:29:47.840 --> 00:29:49.840
Excuse me, I will be perfect from now on

471
00:29:49.840 --> 00:29:52.120
so nobody can reject me.

472
00:29:52.120 --> 00:29:54.800
So some of you all that struggle with perfectionism,

473
00:29:54.800 --> 00:29:57.240
it can be linked to things like that.

474
00:29:57.240 --> 00:29:59.560
Here are a couple other ones I wrote down.

475
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:05.120
from sessions I've led in the past, I'll never be able to make anyone happy.

476
00:30:06.560 --> 00:30:14.080
I'll never date or marry a Larry, a Joe, a John ever again. You know, you can fill in whatever

477
00:30:14.080 --> 00:30:19.760
name. Sometimes it even sounds like I will never marry someone of a certain ethnicity or someone

478
00:30:19.760 --> 00:30:24.320
that has a certain type of job because someone that you were married to or had a relationship

479
00:30:24.400 --> 00:30:29.920
with or those ethnicities or those jobs and want to encourage you guys, those are vows that you

480
00:30:29.920 --> 00:30:37.120
have made that you need to come out of alignment with. I will never let my guard down again.

481
00:30:37.920 --> 00:30:42.800
There's so many more you all, there's so many more, but those are ones just to get you thinking

482
00:30:42.800 --> 00:30:48.960
and get you started. Let's see, we make a decision to harden our hearts and it makes sense at the

483
00:30:48.960 --> 00:30:57.360
moment. So without even realizing when we make those vows to ourselves in that moment, our heart

484
00:30:57.360 --> 00:31:05.040
hardens to some degree. Okay. We think if we make these vows and build these walls around our

485
00:31:05.040 --> 00:31:10.560
hearts, we can keep all the bad things out. But unfortunately, walls are good at keeping,

486
00:31:11.520 --> 00:31:16.560
excuse me, walls are good at keeping things out, but they aren't good at letting things in. So not

487
00:31:16.560 --> 00:31:20.640
only are you keeping things out, but God is trying to bring things into your life.

488
00:31:21.280 --> 00:31:27.280
Even for some of you, a spirit mate, and it can't come in. It can't come in because you've built

489
00:31:27.280 --> 00:31:31.760
all these walls with all these vows and these things that you've aligned with that are actually

490
00:31:32.320 --> 00:31:36.640
keeping the gate and the walls erect, like the gate closed and the walls erected.

491
00:31:37.280 --> 00:31:42.240
As the lies and their corresponding vows are emerging, so as you guys start to recognize,

492
00:31:42.240 --> 00:31:47.840
even tonight, some of the vows that you have made along the way, we have to choose number one,

493
00:31:47.840 --> 00:31:55.600
to come out of alignment and agreement with those things. So we confess, God, forgive me for speaking

494
00:31:55.600 --> 00:32:01.840
this vow out, or even thinking this vow and coming into agreement with the plan of the enemy for my

495
00:32:01.840 --> 00:32:08.880
life. Help me to come out of alignment with that and come into alignment with you and your greater

496
00:32:08.880 --> 00:32:16.000
truth. So we replace those vows and the lies with the truth. Okay. So you guys are going to go in

497
00:32:16.000 --> 00:32:21.360
your breakout sessions. And again, as a reminder, if you just joined us a little bit ago, if you're

498
00:32:21.360 --> 00:32:26.640
not able to go into the breakout session, just don't click the button when it pops up, you know,

499
00:32:26.640 --> 00:32:31.920
that will keep you in the main room here with me, but I want to encourage you guys only do that.

500
00:32:31.920 --> 00:32:36.800
If you're driving or at work and you really can't go into the breakout, please don't do that. If

501
00:32:36.800 --> 00:32:41.680
you're scared because you need to get out of your comfort zone, you need to practice talking to

502
00:32:41.680 --> 00:32:48.000
strangers and people you don't know. Okay. It's going to be great. I'm going to be praying for you all.

503
00:32:48.640 --> 00:32:49.920
You're going to get a lot of breakthrough.

504
00:32:56.640 --> 00:33:01.040
Hey, remember to keep these short, brief and powerful. So we don't want anybody to dominate

505
00:33:01.040 --> 00:33:08.240
conversations and give each other time to share. I'm going to give you guys nine minutes in the

506
00:33:08.240 --> 00:33:14.720
breakout session for this first one. And then I just want you to know if you're talking about

507
00:33:14.720 --> 00:33:22.160
the vows and you all, whether it's three or four of you have finished, stay in the zoom room and

508
00:33:22.160 --> 00:33:26.560
just get to know each other. What are some things you'd like to do? Where are you from? And then

509
00:33:26.560 --> 00:33:32.240
also when you go into the room, when you first click, if somebody doesn't come in right away,

510
00:33:32.240 --> 00:33:37.200
just stay there and I will either move someone to your room or whatever. Cause sometimes people

511
00:33:37.200 --> 00:33:41.040
have internet delays as well. Okay. All right, here you go.

512
00:34:26.560 --> 00:34:47.040
All right. Just trying to get everyone situated. You all.

513
00:34:56.560 --> 00:34:59.920
Father, thank you so much. Even right now, as we're getting all the

514
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:02.960
ladies into the rooms. We thank you, God, for revealings, for

515
00:35:02.960 --> 00:35:08.680
healing that are happening. We thank you for helping every lady

516
00:35:08.680 --> 00:35:11.640
to hear what your spirit is saying to them. We thank you

517
00:35:12.720 --> 00:35:15.440
that you don't leave us the way you found us, Lord, you help us

518
00:35:15.440 --> 00:35:18.800
to step into greater revelation and greater truth and greater

519
00:35:18.800 --> 00:35:23.160
understanding of of your Holy Spirit. And we thank you that

520
00:35:24.960 --> 00:35:29.080
you never give up on us, Lord, that you're always your eyes are

521
00:35:29.080 --> 00:35:31.480
always honest, your word declares that you never slumber,

522
00:35:31.480 --> 00:35:34.960
you never sleep. And you're always working all things

523
00:35:34.960 --> 00:35:39.640
together for good of those who love you. And you, you know, use

524
00:35:39.680 --> 00:35:42.440
everything that we've gone through. For your greater

525
00:35:42.440 --> 00:35:45.800
purpose. We thank you for your heavenly plan for our lives. We

526
00:35:45.800 --> 00:35:50.080
thank you that tonight that you'll help us to recognize the

527
00:35:50.080 --> 00:35:53.880
vows that we have made in the past, that are keeping us bound

528
00:35:53.880 --> 00:35:58.360
that are keeping walls erected, and also keeping people out help

529
00:35:58.400 --> 00:36:03.360
us to one brick at a time to allow you to bring the walls

530
00:36:03.360 --> 00:36:07.560
down. Lord, you don't bring a big wrecking ball and just

531
00:36:07.560 --> 00:36:11.400
totally wreck their lives and wreck their hearts. God, you

532
00:36:11.400 --> 00:36:14.880
come in and you knock on the door of their hearts and you

533
00:36:14.880 --> 00:36:18.080
lead them into greater truth and revelation and understanding.

534
00:36:18.400 --> 00:36:22.920
And we thank you that you would help them on just know each step

535
00:36:22.920 --> 00:36:26.680
of the way the areas that you know, you are wanting to lead

536
00:36:26.680 --> 00:36:29.480
them into greater healing, where those revealings are

537
00:36:29.480 --> 00:36:34.320
happening. We thank you that in your word in Psalm one three, it

538
00:36:34.320 --> 00:36:38.440
says that we will be we will be standing firm like a flourishing

539
00:36:38.440 --> 00:36:41.800
tree that we will be planted by God's design deeply rooted by

540
00:36:41.800 --> 00:36:46.040
the brooks of bliss, bearing fruit in every season of our

541
00:36:46.040 --> 00:36:50.400
life, that we will never be dry, never fainting, ever blessed and

542
00:36:50.400 --> 00:36:53.080
ever prosperous. So Lord, I thank you that you would help us

543
00:36:53.080 --> 00:36:56.680
to come out of alignment with negative thinking that this time

544
00:36:56.680 --> 00:37:00.280
isn't going to be different that nothing's changing, but instead

545
00:37:00.280 --> 00:37:04.400
to align with the truth that we are always bearing fruit in

546
00:37:04.400 --> 00:37:08.960
every season of life that we are never dry, we are never fainting

547
00:37:08.960 --> 00:37:11.920
and we are blessed and ever prosperous. Hi, Dana, let me get

548
00:37:11.920 --> 00:37:16.480
you situated. The ladies are talking about inner vows that

549
00:37:16.480 --> 00:37:18.760
they have made along the way that they're coming out of

550
00:37:18.760 --> 00:37:19.960
alignment with. Okay.

551
00:37:20.400 --> 00:37:23.840
Yeah, I was actually in my join room and I'm I have to use my

552
00:37:23.840 --> 00:37:26.800
phone tonight and I tried to click on camera and it took me

553
00:37:26.800 --> 00:37:31.840
back to you and kicked me out of my chat. Okay, well, okay. Yep,

554
00:37:31.840 --> 00:37:33.880
I'll put you back there. Thank you.

555
00:37:38.000 --> 00:37:38.320
Oh,

556
00:37:41.800 --> 00:37:45.920
all right. So Lord, we thank you that you would send your kind

557
00:37:45.920 --> 00:37:49.440
mercy kiss to comfort every lady tonight and even those that will

558
00:37:49.440 --> 00:37:53.800
watch the replay that we are your servants and you promise

559
00:37:53.800 --> 00:37:58.040
from heaven to bring your mercy kiss to comfort us and we thank

560
00:37:58.040 --> 00:38:01.440
you and we receive that love tonight we receive the

561
00:38:01.440 --> 00:38:04.320
understanding that you are a good father who brings good

562
00:38:04.320 --> 00:38:09.840
gifts to your children and that you are I just see you even

563
00:38:09.840 --> 00:38:14.960
right now like as a dad of a newborn baby and you're you're

564
00:38:14.960 --> 00:38:18.000
holding us in your arms and you're bouncing that baby and

565
00:38:18.000 --> 00:38:22.960
comforting them and and you're talking to them and I just thank

566
00:38:22.960 --> 00:38:27.400
you Lord that you desire to have a close relationship with all of

567
00:38:27.400 --> 00:38:30.040
us I thank you that you would help every one of these ladies

568
00:38:30.040 --> 00:38:35.040
to have a fresh understanding of what it means to have an intimate

569
00:38:35.040 --> 00:38:38.440
relationship with you father and I just thank you in advance for

570
00:38:38.440 --> 00:38:41.600
that hi April the ladies are in the breakouts talking about

571
00:38:41.600 --> 00:38:44.960
inner vows did you get kicked out or you did you just come in

572
00:38:48.040 --> 00:38:51.440
I just came in Okay, totally fine. And they're talking about

573
00:38:51.440 --> 00:38:53.760
inner vows that they're coming out of agreement with so I'm

574
00:38:53.760 --> 00:38:55.720
just gonna go ahead and put you in the room and you can just

575
00:38:55.720 --> 00:38:59.440
jump in and okay, yeah, you don't have to turn your camera

576
00:38:59.440 --> 00:39:03.760
on you can still go in with them. Okay. Okay. There you go.

577
00:39:07.120 --> 00:39:10.160
All right, and Lord, we just thank you that your word

578
00:39:10.160 --> 00:39:12.680
declares that we will give thanks and praise to you for we

579
00:39:12.680 --> 00:39:15.760
are fearfully and wonderfully made wonderful are your works

580
00:39:16.040 --> 00:39:19.880
and our souls know it very well. Wherever our hearts make us feel

581
00:39:19.880 --> 00:39:23.480
guilty and remind us of our failures. Yes, Lord, we know

582
00:39:23.480 --> 00:39:25.640
that God is much greater and more merciful than our

583
00:39:25.640 --> 00:39:28.640
conscience. And he knows everything there is to know

584
00:39:28.640 --> 00:39:32.280
about us Lord, I pray that tonight and in the live in the

585
00:39:32.280 --> 00:39:35.200
breakouts during this time, as well as those that will watch

586
00:39:35.200 --> 00:39:38.720
the replay in the group this week, that you'll help ladies to

587
00:39:38.720 --> 00:39:42.560
forgive themselves and to release themselves from any and

588
00:39:42.560 --> 00:39:45.080
all guilt, shame and condemnation. Those are from

589
00:39:45.080 --> 00:39:48.440
the enemy. Those are not from your heart father towards them.

590
00:39:48.440 --> 00:39:52.440
So we just thank you that you'll just lead them into the divine

591
00:39:52.440 --> 00:39:56.480
healing and revelation that you have for them. And that you'll

592
00:39:56.480 --> 00:39:59.760
anoint their ears to hear what your spirit is saying. Hi,

593
00:39:59.760 --> 00:40:00.080
Christine.

594
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.160
Christine, they're in the breakout rooms

595
00:40:02.160 --> 00:40:04.280
talking about inner vows that they're going

596
00:40:04.280 --> 00:40:06.920
to come out of alignment with.

597
00:40:06.920 --> 00:40:08.920
Oh, April, I see that you came back.

598
00:40:08.920 --> 00:40:09.960
It was the breakout room.

599
00:40:09.960 --> 00:40:11.760
I was all by myself.

600
00:40:11.760 --> 00:40:12.760
Oh, really?

601
00:40:12.760 --> 00:40:15.320
Room seven had no one but me in it.

602
00:40:15.320 --> 00:40:17.160
Oh, so sorry.

603
00:40:17.160 --> 00:40:21.120
OK, well, let me send you there.

604
00:40:21.120 --> 00:40:21.720
Go ahead.

605
00:40:21.720 --> 00:40:23.560
Sorry about that.

606
00:40:23.560 --> 00:40:25.320
Hey, Bethany, I went into a breakout room,

607
00:40:25.320 --> 00:40:26.840
but it was just me in there.

608
00:40:26.840 --> 00:40:28.760
I don't know if I did something wrong.

609
00:40:28.760 --> 00:40:30.560
Well, I think probably because I think

610
00:40:30.560 --> 00:40:33.240
you were delayed, your internet, because I kept watching.

611
00:40:33.240 --> 00:40:34.520
Hold on one second, Kira.

612
00:40:34.520 --> 00:40:35.920
I'll get you situated.

613
00:40:35.920 --> 00:40:36.880
Thank you.

614
00:40:36.880 --> 00:40:38.440
You're welcome.

615
00:40:38.440 --> 00:40:39.040
Let's see.

616
00:40:39.040 --> 00:40:40.160
Let me find you.

617
00:40:40.160 --> 00:40:43.520
Yeah, OK.

618
00:40:43.520 --> 00:40:44.920
All right, there you go.

619
00:40:44.920 --> 00:40:47.800
Sorry about that.

620
00:40:47.800 --> 00:40:49.960
Those should be there for you all to click

621
00:40:49.960 --> 00:40:51.240
if you want to join.

622
00:40:51.240 --> 00:40:53.880
OK, so we just thank you as we continue

623
00:40:53.880 --> 00:40:56.480
to pray for everyone that you would just

624
00:40:56.480 --> 00:41:01.200
help us to thank you, Lord, that you would remove

625
00:41:01.200 --> 00:41:06.000
any blind spots and filters that we have walked in

626
00:41:06.000 --> 00:41:10.280
and that keep us from even seeing the areas that we

627
00:41:10.280 --> 00:41:12.120
need your healing.

628
00:41:12.120 --> 00:41:14.360
While many of us have done a lot of work

629
00:41:14.360 --> 00:41:17.160
and have walked the path of healing,

630
00:41:17.160 --> 00:41:20.360
Lord, we thank you that you let us hear for a purpose,

631
00:41:20.360 --> 00:41:21.760
for a season, for a time.

632
00:41:21.760 --> 00:41:26.120
We thank you that you'll give us the revelation and the truth

633
00:41:26.120 --> 00:41:30.480
that we need to receive the fullness

634
00:41:30.480 --> 00:41:35.000
of the understanding of every area that

635
00:41:35.000 --> 00:41:37.320
needs your healing touch.

636
00:41:37.320 --> 00:41:39.200
So Lord, we thank you for the balm of Gilead.

637
00:41:39.200 --> 00:41:40.560
We thank you that you would place

638
00:41:40.560 --> 00:41:44.080
that balm upon every area of our hearts that

639
00:41:44.080 --> 00:41:46.960
needs your touch, that needs healing, that needs redemption,

640
00:41:46.960 --> 00:41:49.440
that needs grace.

641
00:41:49.440 --> 00:41:51.920
God, the places where we're really harsh towards ourselves,

642
00:41:51.920 --> 00:41:54.560
we thank you that you would help us

643
00:41:54.560 --> 00:41:57.280
to soften our approach towards ourselves,

644
00:41:57.280 --> 00:41:58.960
towards other people.

645
00:41:58.960 --> 00:42:01.840
Lord, if we walk in any kind of self-hatred,

646
00:42:01.840 --> 00:42:04.840
self-deprecating thoughts, any kind of self-pity or withdrawal,

647
00:42:04.840 --> 00:42:08.000
we thank you that you would help us to come out of alignment

648
00:42:08.000 --> 00:42:08.880
with those things.

649
00:42:08.880 --> 00:42:11.560
And we just bind and break those spirits, in Jesus' name,

650
00:42:11.560 --> 00:42:14.240
off of every person that's in this group,

651
00:42:14.240 --> 00:42:15.560
that's a part of this community.

652
00:42:15.560 --> 00:42:19.040
And we thank you, Lord, that by the power of Jesus' blood

653
00:42:19.040 --> 00:42:22.800
and the authority given unto him and unto us through him,

654
00:42:22.800 --> 00:42:26.440
we thank you that we can loose into our lives

655
00:42:26.440 --> 00:42:29.160
a spirit of love and of power and of a sound mind,

656
00:42:29.160 --> 00:42:32.800
that we are more than conquerors through Christ Jesus,

657
00:42:32.800 --> 00:42:34.520
and that he's already won the victory.

658
00:42:34.520 --> 00:42:38.080
He's already defeated death and sin in the grave.

659
00:42:38.080 --> 00:42:42.120
And so we just lean into the victory of heaven tonight,

660
00:42:42.120 --> 00:42:45.560
and we receive your grace and your truth

661
00:42:45.560 --> 00:42:48.800
and your abundance in every area of our lives.

662
00:42:48.800 --> 00:42:52.480
I thank you, Lord, that everything hidden

663
00:42:53.160 --> 00:42:55.960
and covered up will soon be exposed, revealed,

664
00:42:55.960 --> 00:42:58.360
will be revealed for the fast aid is falling down

665
00:42:58.360 --> 00:43:01.000
and nothing will be kept secret for long.

666
00:43:01.000 --> 00:43:02.800
Your word declares that you will wipe away

667
00:43:02.800 --> 00:43:06.800
every tear from our eyes and eliminate death entirely.

668
00:43:06.800 --> 00:43:09.680
No one will mourn or weep any longer.

669
00:43:09.680 --> 00:43:12.840
The pain of wounds will no longer exist.

670
00:43:12.840 --> 00:43:14.840
Hallelujah for that.

671
00:43:14.840 --> 00:43:16.360
For the old order has ceased.

672
00:43:16.360 --> 00:43:18.920
We thank you, God, that the pain of wounds

673
00:43:18.920 --> 00:43:21.520
will no longer exist in your presence,

674
00:43:21.560 --> 00:43:25.040
that even as the light, you are the light,

675
00:43:25.040 --> 00:43:26.240
you come into darkness.

676
00:43:26.240 --> 00:43:28.680
As you do, you expel all darkness.

677
00:43:28.680 --> 00:43:30.840
We thank you that you would expel all death,

678
00:43:30.840 --> 00:43:34.800
all pain, all brokenness tonight

679
00:43:34.800 --> 00:43:37.120
in a fresh way in Jesus' name.

680
00:43:37.120 --> 00:43:37.960
Welcome back, ladies.

681
00:43:37.960 --> 00:43:40.960
We have like nine seconds before everyone comes back.

682
00:43:42.480 --> 00:43:45.280
Who would be willing to share with the whole group

683
00:43:45.280 --> 00:43:47.880
what you shared in the private breakout session?

684
00:43:48.640 --> 00:43:52.480
And then we will, it always takes one to get us going.

685
00:43:53.440 --> 00:43:55.680
Who wants to be the first one tonight?

686
00:43:55.680 --> 00:43:57.080
Oh, Ariel, awesome.

687
00:43:57.080 --> 00:43:59.960
I'm sorry, I did not see your hand up there.

688
00:43:59.960 --> 00:44:01.400
Oh, I literally just put it up.

689
00:44:01.400 --> 00:44:02.560
Okay, okay.

690
00:44:02.560 --> 00:44:04.800
Well, you were in the top corner and I didn't see one,

691
00:44:04.800 --> 00:44:05.640
but then I did.

692
00:44:05.640 --> 00:44:06.800
Okay, awesome, go ahead.

693
00:44:08.160 --> 00:44:13.160
So, I didn't realize that things that I'd said as a kid

694
00:44:13.200 --> 00:44:15.840
were actually intervals until we started talking.

695
00:44:15.840 --> 00:44:19.160
Because I've worked through some things

696
00:44:19.160 --> 00:44:21.600
and I've thought through like vows that I've made,

697
00:44:21.600 --> 00:44:23.680
but one of the ones that the Lord,

698
00:44:23.680 --> 00:44:26.640
or the two that the Lord highlighted to me

699
00:44:26.640 --> 00:44:28.720
that are pretty significant,

700
00:44:28.720 --> 00:44:30.920
and they both have the same,

701
00:44:30.920 --> 00:44:34.640
like the base of it is, I won't be hurt again,

702
00:44:34.640 --> 00:44:38.640
or like, I won't let myself be hurt, I won't be rejected.

703
00:44:38.640 --> 00:44:40.800
And I think that's what it's all about.

704
00:44:40.800 --> 00:44:43.200
I won't let myself be hurt, I won't be rejected.

705
00:44:45.040 --> 00:44:47.160
Is I, when I was a kid growing up,

706
00:44:47.160 --> 00:44:50.040
I used to think that my mom was really flighty.

707
00:44:50.040 --> 00:44:52.360
And honestly, I used to think she was dumb,

708
00:44:52.360 --> 00:44:54.720
but I couldn't figure out why.

709
00:44:54.720 --> 00:44:57.280
Cause I knew she wasn't, but there's something in me

710
00:44:57.280 --> 00:44:59.040
was just like, oh, why is she?

711
00:44:59.040 --> 00:45:00.400
Like she'd always be late.

712
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.580
and she'd always be so forgetful

713
00:45:02.580 --> 00:45:04.540
and it would always make me so frustrated.

714
00:45:04.540 --> 00:45:07.300
So I always said, I will never be like my mom.

715
00:45:07.300 --> 00:45:12.300
And I mean, I know now as an adult growing up

716
00:45:12.540 --> 00:45:16.660
and realizing the effects of trauma and abuse

717
00:45:16.660 --> 00:45:18.660
and how that can play out in a person.

718
00:45:18.660 --> 00:45:20.060
So I know that's what it's from now,

719
00:45:20.060 --> 00:45:22.460
but as a kid, I just thought my mom was dumb

720
00:45:22.460 --> 00:45:24.500
and I thought she was weak

721
00:45:24.500 --> 00:45:28.740
and I didn't wanna be like her in that aspect.

722
00:45:31.000 --> 00:45:34.740
And so that's something that the Lord has highlighted.

723
00:45:34.740 --> 00:45:39.220
And then the second one is in terms of dating,

724
00:45:39.220 --> 00:45:40.100
I used to say this,

725
00:45:40.100 --> 00:45:42.620
like this was like the best thing I could ever say,

726
00:45:42.620 --> 00:45:43.460
but I would always say

727
00:45:43.460 --> 00:45:45.660
that I would only date one man in my life

728
00:45:45.660 --> 00:45:48.900
and that would be my husband because I love too hard

729
00:45:48.900 --> 00:45:53.900
and I can't do dating because it would be too much for me

730
00:45:54.720 --> 00:45:57.720
because I love too hard and I love too fast.

731
00:45:57.720 --> 00:46:02.720
And that was just me putting up guards in a veiled way.

732
00:46:03.440 --> 00:46:06.600
And I would always do it in like the context of,

733
00:46:06.600 --> 00:46:08.440
the Lord just made me like this.

734
00:46:11.000 --> 00:46:13.800
So, but it's really just me fearing rejection

735
00:46:13.800 --> 00:46:15.400
and fearing being hurt

736
00:46:15.400 --> 00:46:18.920
and not wanting to be taken advantage of.

737
00:46:18.940 --> 00:46:22.820
Not wanting to be taken advantage of, so.

738
00:46:22.820 --> 00:46:24.100
Yeah, so good.

739
00:46:24.100 --> 00:46:25.900
Thank you so much for sharing, Ariel.

740
00:46:25.900 --> 00:46:28.520
I have a couple thoughts as you were sharing.

741
00:46:29.600 --> 00:46:30.940
I wanna do the dating one first

742
00:46:30.940 --> 00:46:33.800
just cause that's the freshest right now in my mind.

743
00:46:34.680 --> 00:46:37.940
So on the, I love too hard, I love too fast,

744
00:46:37.940 --> 00:46:40.380
that can also be as a result

745
00:46:40.380 --> 00:46:42.660
of not learning boundaries as a kid

746
00:46:42.660 --> 00:46:45.300
and then even into teenage years,

747
00:46:45.300 --> 00:46:48.400
if we don't learn what healthy looks like,

748
00:46:48.780 --> 00:46:49.620
we don't know.

749
00:46:49.620 --> 00:46:54.620
And so we adopt things that we see or experience

750
00:46:55.260 --> 00:46:58.600
or sometimes even we will go to the,

751
00:46:58.600 --> 00:47:01.980
like the other side, like the pendulum swing, you know?

752
00:47:01.980 --> 00:47:04.980
So that loving hard to me

753
00:47:06.200 --> 00:47:10.540
also probably comes from not feeling loved

754
00:47:10.540 --> 00:47:12.220
on the flip side there

755
00:47:12.220 --> 00:47:16.180
at times where you really needed to feel love and support.

756
00:47:16.200 --> 00:47:19.280
And so I wanna encourage you on that.

757
00:47:19.280 --> 00:47:20.880
I'm so glad that you're seeing this now

758
00:47:20.880 --> 00:47:24.640
because when the day comes and you go into phase two,

759
00:47:24.640 --> 00:47:26.620
everybody does it at different paces, you guys.

760
00:47:26.620 --> 00:47:29.880
So don't start panicking in the middle of phase one

761
00:47:29.880 --> 00:47:31.440
about phase two, okay?

762
00:47:31.440 --> 00:47:33.960
We'll help you through all that when you get to phase two.

763
00:47:33.960 --> 00:47:36.560
But one of the things that is really important

764
00:47:36.560 --> 00:47:40.340
is you guys learning how to stay really open.

765
00:47:40.340 --> 00:47:42.640
Staying open to the process,

766
00:47:42.640 --> 00:47:46.260
not having all these rigid, like I won't do this,

767
00:47:46.260 --> 00:47:47.180
I won't do that.

768
00:47:47.180 --> 00:47:51.020
So allowing yourself to heal from the rejection

769
00:47:51.020 --> 00:47:54.540
and the fear of someone not accepting you

770
00:47:54.540 --> 00:47:56.060
or that you're not capable

771
00:47:56.060 --> 00:47:58.380
of getting to know multiple people at one time

772
00:47:58.380 --> 00:48:01.060
because you just will give too much of your heart.

773
00:48:01.060 --> 00:48:03.140
You know, God will help you bring all those things

774
00:48:03.140 --> 00:48:03.980
into balance.

775
00:48:03.980 --> 00:48:06.460
But again, that underlying thing to me

776
00:48:06.460 --> 00:48:09.620
is that need for healing in the areas

777
00:48:09.620 --> 00:48:13.080
where you did not feel loved as a kid.

778
00:48:14.160 --> 00:48:17.400
And the same thing with the ones regarding your mom,

779
00:48:17.400 --> 00:48:19.420
the other thing I thought of there,

780
00:48:20.440 --> 00:48:23.360
the I won't be hurt again, I won't be rejected again.

781
00:48:23.360 --> 00:48:25.920
I almost wonder too, in addition to you feeling like

782
00:48:25.920 --> 00:48:28.120
she was flighty or dumb or whatever,

783
00:48:28.120 --> 00:48:31.620
like, did you see your mom get rejected by people?

784
00:48:31.620 --> 00:48:32.620
I'm curious.

785
00:48:33.720 --> 00:48:35.280
Yeah, I did.

786
00:48:35.280 --> 00:48:36.120
Okay.

787
00:48:36.120 --> 00:48:39.480
Yeah, by her own family, by my dad.

788
00:48:40.340 --> 00:48:43.420
Okay, so I felt like there was a connection there.

789
00:48:43.420 --> 00:48:45.820
That's why I asked that question.

790
00:48:45.820 --> 00:48:49.400
And so this is gonna be twofold for you.

791
00:48:49.400 --> 00:48:50.540
And this is for anybody

792
00:48:50.540 --> 00:48:53.100
as I'm talking through this with Ariel,

793
00:48:53.100 --> 00:48:55.820
but I would encourage you to,

794
00:48:55.820 --> 00:48:57.660
even if you're not in the forgiveness week yet,

795
00:48:57.660 --> 00:48:59.940
you can still use the sheet,

796
00:48:59.940 --> 00:49:02.380
but I would encourage you to forgive the people

797
00:49:02.380 --> 00:49:05.980
that rejected your mom, okay?

798
00:49:05.980 --> 00:49:08.980
Because as they rejected your mom,

799
00:49:09.480 --> 00:49:11.480
again, anger hurts bodyguard, okay?

800
00:49:11.480 --> 00:49:16.160
So anger is what leads us to erect these walls,

801
00:49:16.160 --> 00:49:17.840
if you will, and make all these vows.

802
00:49:17.840 --> 00:49:22.200
So really what happened is it hurt you

803
00:49:22.200 --> 00:49:24.640
to see your mom rejected,

804
00:49:24.640 --> 00:49:27.100
and you most likely felt sad.

805
00:49:27.100 --> 00:49:27.940
And as a kid,

806
00:49:27.940 --> 00:49:30.760
you didn't know what to do with that information.

807
00:49:30.760 --> 00:49:33.760
And so in order to protect yourself,

808
00:49:33.760 --> 00:49:37.600
you made these vows and put up the walls, okay?

809
00:49:37.620 --> 00:49:42.180
And so forgiving the people that rejected your mom

810
00:49:42.180 --> 00:49:43.980
and also forgiving your mom

811
00:49:45.580 --> 00:49:49.420
for whatever the abuse and things,

812
00:49:49.420 --> 00:49:50.700
and maybe even neglect,

813
00:49:50.700 --> 00:49:52.980
I'm hearing in the spirit, like forms of neglect,

814
00:49:52.980 --> 00:49:55.200
whether she meant to neglect you or not,

815
00:49:56.260 --> 00:49:59.700
forgiving her for neglecting your needs.

816
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:03.140
and putting her needs above yours,

817
00:50:03.140 --> 00:50:05.680
is what I'm hearing in the spirit.

818
00:50:05.680 --> 00:50:08.460
And so y'all, as we continue through this,

819
00:50:08.460 --> 00:50:10.280
this is how I would help anybody.

820
00:50:10.280 --> 00:50:12.360
If this was you, I would help you unpack it.

821
00:50:12.360 --> 00:50:14.520
So I would encourage you guys to do the same kind of things,

822
00:50:14.520 --> 00:50:16.360
even if you don't end up sharing tonight.

823
00:50:16.360 --> 00:50:21.360
Like really thinking through the vows that you've made

824
00:50:22.440 --> 00:50:24.440
and where did they come from?

825
00:50:24.440 --> 00:50:26.600
Is it just the thing that's coming up in my mind?

826
00:50:26.600 --> 00:50:29.120
Or Lord, is there something else you wanna show me

827
00:50:29.120 --> 00:50:31.880
that it's connected to, okay?

828
00:50:31.880 --> 00:50:34.040
It's like a bunch of links, so a bunch of dots,

829
00:50:34.040 --> 00:50:35.700
and God wants to bring them all together

830
00:50:35.700 --> 00:50:38.700
so that you can have healing.

831
00:50:38.700 --> 00:50:41.080
So glad that's ministering to you, Jen.

832
00:50:41.080 --> 00:50:44.000
And Ariel, thank you again for sharing, so good.

833
00:50:44.000 --> 00:50:44.920
All right, awesome.

834
00:50:44.920 --> 00:50:46.220
Jessica, go ahead.

835
00:50:48.000 --> 00:50:53.000
I was just thinking about inner vows today at work.

836
00:50:53.320 --> 00:50:57.440
I've had a lot of breakthrough, like their inner vows,

837
00:50:57.440 --> 00:50:59.840
because for a time I didn't like kids,

838
00:50:59.840 --> 00:51:01.480
and Lord's like, if you want a husband,

839
00:51:01.480 --> 00:51:03.680
you better, you're gonna have kids.

840
00:51:03.680 --> 00:51:05.680
There's not either or.

841
00:51:05.680 --> 00:51:09.480
So I've been stepping back into kids ministry

842
00:51:09.480 --> 00:51:11.640
and reclaiming that mother's heart

843
00:51:11.640 --> 00:51:16.560
and breaking through fear and all that.

844
00:51:17.520 --> 00:51:21.120
And I used, I had an inner vow,

845
00:51:21.120 --> 00:51:23.120
like I'm never gonna have a friend again.

846
00:51:23.120 --> 00:51:26.640
And it's like, the Lord's been healing that over the years.

847
00:51:26.960 --> 00:51:27.800
So.

848
00:51:29.000 --> 00:51:31.000
Jessica, you don't have to answer if you don't want to.

849
00:51:31.000 --> 00:51:32.880
I always, hopefully you guys know that.

850
00:51:32.880 --> 00:51:34.760
I try to repeat that from time to time.

851
00:51:34.760 --> 00:51:36.240
If I ever ask you guys a question

852
00:51:36.240 --> 00:51:38.120
and you're not comfortable to answer,

853
00:51:38.120 --> 00:51:40.880
you can say, I'm not ready to answer that right now,

854
00:51:40.880 --> 00:51:42.840
just so y'all know that.

855
00:51:42.840 --> 00:51:45.480
But I'm curious, if you don't mind,

856
00:51:45.480 --> 00:51:50.200
when was the first time that, and there's nothing wrong.

857
00:51:50.200 --> 00:51:53.760
Some people just don't feel led to have children, okay?

858
00:51:53.760 --> 00:51:56.480
So I don't want there to be any shame or guilt

859
00:51:56.480 --> 00:51:59.360
floating around tonight, but I do feel led to ask you,

860
00:51:59.360 --> 00:52:01.760
when is the first time you had the thought

861
00:52:01.760 --> 00:52:04.200
that you didn't want kids?

862
00:52:04.200 --> 00:52:05.160
Do you remember?

863
00:52:06.440 --> 00:52:08.240
10 years ago.

864
00:52:08.240 --> 00:52:09.480
Did something happen?

865
00:52:10.640 --> 00:52:13.600
Just like something happened at a daycare

866
00:52:13.600 --> 00:52:18.040
and it could have been a bad situation,

867
00:52:18.040 --> 00:52:20.320
but Lord kind of rescued me from it,

868
00:52:20.800 --> 00:52:22.240
almost died from it,

869
00:52:22.240 --> 00:52:26.160
and my heart was stopped pausing,

870
00:52:26.160 --> 00:52:31.160
but I see the Lord's grace of him rescuing me

871
00:52:32.120 --> 00:52:35.800
from that situation, because it could have turned bad.

872
00:52:35.800 --> 00:52:37.560
And then ever since then,

873
00:52:41.560 --> 00:52:43.160
it changed my heart towards kids,

874
00:52:43.160 --> 00:52:45.120
because I used to love kids.

875
00:52:45.120 --> 00:52:46.200
Okay.

876
00:52:46.200 --> 00:52:49.440
So you went through some kind of medical trauma

877
00:52:49.560 --> 00:52:50.880
while at a daycare.

878
00:52:50.880 --> 00:52:52.200
I feel like that's what you're saying.

879
00:52:52.200 --> 00:52:54.960
Okay, I just wanna make sure I was following you.

880
00:52:54.960 --> 00:52:58.960
Yeah, so you all, this is why it's important to,

881
00:52:58.960 --> 00:53:02.000
again, unpack these things,

882
00:53:02.000 --> 00:53:06.360
because the trauma and the things that happened there

883
00:53:06.360 --> 00:53:09.200
were the source of when the fear entered.

884
00:53:09.200 --> 00:53:12.000
And as soon as fear entered in,

885
00:53:12.000 --> 00:53:14.600
that's where the enemy can then build additional lies

886
00:53:14.680 --> 00:53:19.480
and things to cause you to come up with things

887
00:53:19.480 --> 00:53:20.960
really to protect yourself.

888
00:53:20.960 --> 00:53:22.760
And sometimes there'll be things

889
00:53:22.760 --> 00:53:25.800
that are total opposite of your true identity.

890
00:53:25.800 --> 00:53:28.960
So what Jessica was saying is she loved kids

891
00:53:28.960 --> 00:53:32.480
and she enjoyed being around kids until that happened.

892
00:53:32.480 --> 00:53:35.680
And so the enemy was actually trying to convince her

893
00:53:35.680 --> 00:53:39.400
to reject parts of her own identity.

894
00:53:39.400 --> 00:53:42.480
Do you see the power of what was going on there?

895
00:53:42.480 --> 00:53:43.320
Okay.

896
00:53:44.320 --> 00:53:47.560
So then also fear is false evidence appearing real,

897
00:53:47.560 --> 00:53:48.400
you guys.

898
00:53:48.400 --> 00:53:50.760
So just remember that when you're looking at this stuff,

899
00:53:50.760 --> 00:53:53.040
fear and the lies that we believe,

900
00:53:53.040 --> 00:53:55.000
they kind of partner together.

901
00:53:55.000 --> 00:53:56.880
So what are the lies you're believing

902
00:53:56.880 --> 00:54:00.280
and the fears that are informing those lies?

903
00:54:00.280 --> 00:54:03.080
Do you see how the fear informs the lie?

904
00:54:03.080 --> 00:54:07.720
Fear typically comes in when trauma hasn't been healed.

905
00:54:07.720 --> 00:54:10.200
So I can give you a minor example,

906
00:54:10.200 --> 00:54:12.240
and then Shelley, I'm gonna come to you.

907
00:54:13.920 --> 00:54:15.760
We are getting ready to move.

908
00:54:15.760 --> 00:54:18.960
My husband, we're kind of like pre-stages.

909
00:54:18.960 --> 00:54:20.800
We'll know for sure by Sunday,

910
00:54:21.720 --> 00:54:24.200
but we are most likely gonna have to move.

911
00:54:24.200 --> 00:54:27.440
But in all of this transition and even the job things

912
00:54:27.440 --> 00:54:31.480
that are happening, the denomination wanted my husband

913
00:54:31.480 --> 00:54:36.480
to resign from his current denomination

914
00:54:36.800 --> 00:54:40.920
before he could say, I want to move forward over here.

915
00:54:40.920 --> 00:54:43.480
And I was like, wait a minute.

916
00:54:43.480 --> 00:54:46.000
Like I'm all my walls up, walls up.

917
00:54:46.000 --> 00:54:47.220
Wait a minute.

918
00:54:47.220 --> 00:54:51.320
No, that is not how you do things in the business world.

919
00:54:51.320 --> 00:54:54.060
I totally said all of those things, you guys.

920
00:54:55.480 --> 00:54:58.000
And I'm not saying that's wrong or bad,

921
00:54:58.000 --> 00:54:59.040
that that's how I felt.

922
00:54:59.040 --> 00:55:00.160
But what...

923
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.000
the Lord started showing me was that my fear was talking.

924
00:55:06.280 --> 00:55:08.480
My fear was this,

925
00:55:09.520 --> 00:55:14.160
my fear was that man would not come through on their word

926
00:55:15.280 --> 00:55:17.320
and that my husband would resign

927
00:55:17.320 --> 00:55:20.200
and we would be left without him having a job

928
00:55:20.200 --> 00:55:21.920
and we would have financial,

929
00:55:21.920 --> 00:55:23.680
like, you know how the enemy loves

930
00:55:23.680 --> 00:55:26.000
to just take us down these roads, you all.

931
00:55:27.920 --> 00:55:29.160
Take us down these roads

932
00:55:29.160 --> 00:55:31.480
and so we have to catch those thoughts

933
00:55:31.480 --> 00:55:33.120
and stop them in the tracks

934
00:55:33.120 --> 00:55:36.320
before we go too far down that railroad, okay?

935
00:55:36.320 --> 00:55:40.240
And so praise God, we worked through that.

936
00:55:40.240 --> 00:55:43.520
You all, this is the amazing thing.

937
00:55:43.520 --> 00:55:45.000
We've been, and there's nothing wrong,

938
00:55:45.000 --> 00:55:49.280
like, you know, with the denomination per se,

939
00:55:49.280 --> 00:55:50.820
but there's just some things going on

940
00:55:50.820 --> 00:55:52.640
and we just have not felt

941
00:55:52.640 --> 00:55:56.160
like we could continue to align with it.

942
00:55:56.160 --> 00:56:00.480
And so we've been praying about that for a while

943
00:56:00.480 --> 00:56:03.280
and today he officially resigned.

944
00:56:03.280 --> 00:56:06.760
And what's interesting is I was afraid to do that,

945
00:56:06.760 --> 00:56:10.000
but it actually brought a lot of freedom today.

946
00:56:10.000 --> 00:56:12.080
Do you see how kind of the enemy tries to keep us

947
00:56:12.080 --> 00:56:14.840
from stuff that actually brings freedom?

948
00:56:14.840 --> 00:56:16.800
And I won't go into it more,

949
00:56:16.800 --> 00:56:19.200
but I just want you guys to see all the different ways

950
00:56:19.200 --> 00:56:21.000
that the Lord is always working

951
00:56:21.000 --> 00:56:25.480
and leading us towards life and hope and truth and freedom,

952
00:56:25.480 --> 00:56:28.920
but the enemy is always working to thwart the plan,

953
00:56:28.920 --> 00:56:31.260
bring deception, bring guilt, bring shame,

954
00:56:31.260 --> 00:56:33.680
lead you into isolation, withdrawal,

955
00:56:33.680 --> 00:56:35.720
and all of those things, okay?

956
00:56:35.720 --> 00:56:36.880
All right.

957
00:56:36.880 --> 00:56:40.260
All right, Shelly, go ahead, girl.

958
00:56:40.260 --> 00:56:44.060
I'm sorry, I'm outside, you can't even see me now.

959
00:56:44.060 --> 00:56:47.380
I'm at my parents' house and my nieces and everyone's inside

960
00:56:47.380 --> 00:56:48.920
so I stepped out here,

961
00:56:48.920 --> 00:56:50.920
but now it's gotten completely dark, so.

962
00:56:52.200 --> 00:56:53.120
Okay.

963
00:56:54.000 --> 00:56:56.000
Yeah, so this is just something

964
00:56:56.000 --> 00:56:57.520
I kind of am working through.

965
00:56:57.520 --> 00:56:59.320
I'm not entirely sure what the vow is,

966
00:56:59.320 --> 00:57:02.320
but it's like when I was about six years old,

967
00:57:02.320 --> 00:57:05.120
I can still remember getting these random fears.

968
00:57:05.120 --> 00:57:07.960
I like had this thought come into my mind,

969
00:57:07.960 --> 00:57:09.900
like what happens if I never get married?

970
00:57:09.900 --> 00:57:11.280
What happens if I get a disease?

971
00:57:11.280 --> 00:57:15.200
And like, I cannot even say how much that was just,

972
00:57:15.200 --> 00:57:16.880
it has been a fear my whole life.

973
00:57:16.880 --> 00:57:18.800
And like, it has informed,

974
00:57:18.800 --> 00:57:21.440
like I've always had a boyfriend most of my life.

975
00:57:21.440 --> 00:57:22.920
I've been married before,

976
00:57:23.680 --> 00:57:25.360
but I got into most of those relationships.

977
00:57:25.360 --> 00:57:28.480
And like I said, I always dated the same kind of guy

978
00:57:28.480 --> 00:57:29.780
over and over again.

979
00:57:29.780 --> 00:57:31.280
And I would be sitting there like,

980
00:57:31.280 --> 00:57:33.440
when that would start to pop up,

981
00:57:33.440 --> 00:57:35.720
you know, those things that he had going on,

982
00:57:35.720 --> 00:57:38.880
I would be like, oh no, oh no, that's like happening again.

983
00:57:38.880 --> 00:57:42.160
So I have been through therapy to see why that was like that

984
00:57:42.160 --> 00:57:44.020
and I did figure that out.

985
00:57:44.020 --> 00:57:45.320
But I guess it's just like,

986
00:57:45.320 --> 00:57:47.480
because I always had these fears,

987
00:57:47.480 --> 00:57:48.760
what if I never get married?

988
00:57:48.760 --> 00:57:50.120
What if I get a disease?

989
00:57:50.120 --> 00:57:52.000
Then it was like things that happened in life

990
00:57:52.000 --> 00:57:55.680
that seemed to reinforce that those were true.

991
00:57:55.680 --> 00:57:57.520
You know, so then it's like you fear, oh my gosh,

992
00:57:57.520 --> 00:57:59.320
like somehow it felt prophetic.

993
00:57:59.320 --> 00:58:01.240
Was that God telling me that?

994
00:58:01.240 --> 00:58:03.200
Or was that the enemy telling me that?

995
00:58:03.200 --> 00:58:05.280
So it's not, so I'm always running from it.

996
00:58:05.280 --> 00:58:06.760
Like, oh no, is that happening?

997
00:58:06.760 --> 00:58:08.240
Oh no, is that real?

998
00:58:08.240 --> 00:58:10.280
Oh no, is God letting that happen?

999
00:58:10.280 --> 00:58:11.960
Oh no, was that true?

1000
00:58:11.960 --> 00:58:14.840
I'm somehow always running from it

1001
00:58:14.840 --> 00:58:16.280
but because I'm so afraid of it,

1002
00:58:16.280 --> 00:58:18.920
I feel like there must have been some agreement with it

1003
00:58:18.920 --> 00:58:20.260
at some point, you know?

1004
00:58:21.260 --> 00:58:24.840
Well, yeah, and typically that's gonna happen

1005
00:58:24.840 --> 00:58:27.900
when there's pain at the source.

1006
00:58:27.900 --> 00:58:30.940
So somewhere, and here's the thing

1007
00:58:30.940 --> 00:58:33.260
that I feel like is really important to remind you guys.

1008
00:58:33.260 --> 00:58:35.700
I was just trying to look up,

1009
00:58:35.700 --> 00:58:37.700
I can't remember the type of thought.

1010
00:58:37.700 --> 00:58:39.780
I will look it up tonight

1011
00:58:39.780 --> 00:58:43.900
but what it makes me think of is like familiar spirits.

1012
00:58:43.900 --> 00:58:44.840
Yes.

1013
00:58:44.840 --> 00:58:48.300
But like where, what is it called?

1014
00:58:48.300 --> 00:58:50.020
It'll come to me, you guys.

1015
00:58:50.780 --> 00:58:53.900
But basically where these thoughts will come to us

1016
00:58:53.900 --> 00:58:55.540
and they're not our own thoughts

1017
00:58:55.540 --> 00:58:58.740
but they bring a lot of these fearful

1018
00:58:58.740 --> 00:59:02.640
kind of invasive kind of thoughts.

1019
00:59:02.640 --> 00:59:03.500
I will think of it

1020
00:59:03.500 --> 00:59:07.040
but there's an actual terminology spiritually for it.

1021
00:59:07.040 --> 00:59:09.820
But the other thing I was gonna say, Shelly, is that-

1022
00:59:09.820 --> 00:59:12.020
Is it oppression, Bethany?

1023
00:59:12.020 --> 00:59:15.320
No, no, it'll come to me.

1024
00:59:15.320 --> 00:59:16.860
Don't worry, you guys.

1025
00:59:16.860 --> 00:59:20.820
Whether it comes right now or later, it will come to me.

1026
00:59:20.820 --> 00:59:23.060
But basically, you guys,

1027
00:59:23.060 --> 00:59:26.860
sometimes the stuff that we're battling today

1028
00:59:26.860 --> 00:59:30.380
actually didn't even begin with evil foreboding.

1029
00:59:30.380 --> 00:59:32.860
Yes, that is it.

1030
00:59:32.860 --> 00:59:34.660
Okay, thank you.

1031
00:59:34.660 --> 00:59:35.500
That's it.

1032
00:59:36.420 --> 00:59:37.260
So thank you.

1033
00:59:37.260 --> 00:59:39.660
But I'll circle back to that in a second.

1034
00:59:39.660 --> 00:59:44.400
But sometimes what we're battling didn't begin with us.

1035
00:59:45.400 --> 00:59:47.720
And I know that might blow some of your minds

1036
00:59:47.720 --> 00:59:49.600
but sometimes it did begin with the trauma

1037
00:59:49.600 --> 00:59:51.800
that we experienced in the lie entering

1038
00:59:51.800 --> 00:59:53.800
when we experienced the trauma.

1039
00:59:53.800 --> 00:59:57.680
But there are times that we are currently battling things

1040
00:59:57.680 --> 00:59:59.880
that our parents-

1041
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.460
battled and did not overcome, or their parents battled and didn't overcome.

1042
01:00:05.460 --> 01:00:11.060
And so Shelly, I would encourage you to even ask the Lord, like, is this, um, what happens

1043
01:00:11.060 --> 01:00:12.180
if I never get married?

1044
01:00:12.180 --> 01:00:17.420
Even if your parents got married, I'm just wondering if somewhere in your family line,

1045
01:00:17.420 --> 01:00:21.660
if someone had these fears and even the, what if I get sick, where it's just been these

1046
01:00:21.660 --> 01:00:29.000
evil forebodings, these things where the enemy is just always kind of hanging around.

1047
01:00:29.000 --> 01:00:34.000
And it's not like you're not free, but, and I hate to give this example because this is

1048
01:00:34.000 --> 01:00:37.880
not a true example, y'all, but it kind of makes me think of the old cartoons where the

1049
01:00:37.880 --> 01:00:44.960
little devil sitting on the shoulder, just always there, um, yeah.

1050
01:00:44.960 --> 01:00:45.960
Evil forebodings.

1051
01:00:45.960 --> 01:00:49.200
And we're not going to go too far into this, uh, just cause I feel like that could lead

1052
01:00:49.200 --> 01:00:56.600
us off path tonight, but yes, um, Psalms one, 12, seven can help you kind of pray through

1053
01:00:56.640 --> 01:00:58.280
some of those kinds of things.

1054
01:00:58.720 --> 01:01:02.680
Um, but y'all here's the thing I feel like is important.

1055
01:01:02.680 --> 01:01:07.120
Anytime we're on a call and something like that comes up, I do feel like the Lord wanted

1056
01:01:07.120 --> 01:01:13.200
me to mention those, um, always remember Jesus is, uh, Jesus Christ already got the

1057
01:01:13.200 --> 01:01:14.600
victory over this stuff.

1058
01:01:14.600 --> 01:01:16.300
The blood is already available.

1059
01:01:16.300 --> 01:01:19.240
The blood is already, you know, can already be applied to this.

1060
01:01:19.240 --> 01:01:24.440
But a lot of times if we don't have the revelation and the insight of where we need to

1061
01:01:24.440 --> 01:01:27.920
apply the blood, that's, that's kind of the caveat.

1062
01:01:27.920 --> 01:01:33.200
So now as Shelly's gaining insight on this stuff, as she starts praying the blood of

1063
01:01:33.200 --> 01:01:38.760
Jesus Christ over those things and praying into understanding where those things came

1064
01:01:38.760 --> 01:01:44.000
in, that can shut that right down and she may never deal with that ever again.

1065
01:01:44.560 --> 01:01:44.880
Okay.

1066
01:01:44.880 --> 01:01:47.960
So just so you guys know, you don't need to live in fear.

1067
01:01:48.040 --> 01:01:48.560
Okay.

1068
01:01:49.000 --> 01:01:52.840
And not that she was, but I just feel like anytime that kind of stuff comes up, I just

1069
01:01:52.840 --> 01:01:56.120
want to make sure to care for everybody that's on here really well.

1070
01:01:56.920 --> 01:02:02.000
Um, so Shelly, as you lean into that again, you said that the first time you can

1071
01:02:02.000 --> 01:02:05.680
remember at six years old, so it also encourage you.

1072
01:02:05.680 --> 01:02:11.440
The other flip side of this is I would say to the Lord, okay, Lord, what was going on

1073
01:02:11.440 --> 01:02:18.880
when I was six years old caused those fears to enter in because that was very, like you

1074
01:02:18.880 --> 01:02:21.760
were very confident that that is when you had that thought.

1075
01:02:22.120 --> 01:02:28.160
So that tells me something was happening that kind of opened the door to those lies

1076
01:02:28.160 --> 01:02:29.120
and those fears.

1077
01:02:29.640 --> 01:02:30.040
Okay.

1078
01:02:30.880 --> 01:02:31.240
Yeah.

1079
01:02:31.560 --> 01:02:32.080
So good.

1080
01:02:32.080 --> 01:02:32.920
Thank you for sharing.

1081
01:02:34.400 --> 01:02:35.840
You're welcome, Karen.

1082
01:02:35.840 --> 01:02:40.320
I'm going to go to you and then, uh, Tammy, I'm going to ask you just to hold yours for

1083
01:02:40.320 --> 01:02:42.080
a little bit and I want you to stay there.

1084
01:02:42.080 --> 01:02:43.480
So don't put your hand down.

1085
01:02:43.760 --> 01:02:47.920
I'm going to share the next content piece and then I'll circle back to you.

1086
01:02:47.920 --> 01:02:48.440
Okay.

1087
01:02:48.680 --> 01:02:49.880
All right, Karen, go ahead.

1088
01:02:50.880 --> 01:02:58.520
Um, mine was basically my vows that I say is I'm never going to let my guard down.

1089
01:02:58.560 --> 01:03:04.120
Um, and I know that's from past relationships because I've allowed a lot of

1090
01:03:04.360 --> 01:03:07.200
alcoholics and drug addicts into my life.

1091
01:03:07.200 --> 01:03:11.040
And that started, um, when I was like 16.

1092
01:03:11.640 --> 01:03:17.360
Um, but the other thing that, that I'm really finding that the Lord has been bringing up

1093
01:03:17.560 --> 01:03:25.520
to me going through the second part is, um, I can't date anyone who's too much older

1094
01:03:25.520 --> 01:03:28.520
than me from past abuses.

1095
01:03:28.960 --> 01:03:32.240
Um, and my dad died at 59 years old.

1096
01:03:32.680 --> 01:03:40.280
So, and I had kids with disabilities, so I also, um, their own father walked out on

1097
01:03:40.280 --> 01:03:43.680
them and waived their rights because he didn't want anything to do with them.

1098
01:03:43.680 --> 01:03:52.680
And he was my husband for eight years and he had an affair and he basically told me

1099
01:03:53.160 --> 01:03:57.680
if I can't have you, I don't want the kids and walked away from his kids.

1100
01:03:57.960 --> 01:04:04.720
So now there's that fear that they are adults, but they still live with me, but

1101
01:04:04.720 --> 01:04:05.760
they have disabilities.

1102
01:04:05.800 --> 01:04:07.440
They, they still need my care.

1103
01:04:07.680 --> 01:04:12.560
Not that I'll never be able to leave, but in this present time, this is where we're

1104
01:04:12.560 --> 01:04:12.960
at.

1105
01:04:12.960 --> 01:04:14.160
They're still with me.

1106
01:04:14.520 --> 01:04:16.720
They're still learning to do things for themselves.

1107
01:04:16.720 --> 01:04:22.240
They're, they're a lot better than they were when they were younger, but because their

1108
01:04:22.240 --> 01:04:28.000
own father didn't want them and because even their own family had like his side of the

1109
01:04:28.000 --> 01:04:35.160
family, not so much mine, but even my family didn't really get it until I had to put one

1110
01:04:35.160 --> 01:04:38.600
of my children in a home to figure out what was going on with him.

1111
01:04:38.880 --> 01:04:43.600
And that's when we figured out the diagnosis of that he had a moderate intellectual

1112
01:04:43.600 --> 01:04:45.960
disability and needed extra help.

1113
01:04:46.440 --> 01:04:49.080
They were always saying, you're just over babying them.

1114
01:04:49.080 --> 01:04:50.400
You're doing this, you're doing that.

1115
01:04:50.400 --> 01:04:53.080
I'm like, no, I'm telling you, this kid has problems.

1116
01:04:53.080 --> 01:04:54.520
I don't know what they are.

1117
01:04:54.960 --> 01:04:57.000
So there's that fear of.

1118
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:03.600
no one's going to understand them or accept them the way they are.

1119
01:05:07.680 --> 01:05:10.320
Okay, so a couple things as you were sharing, Karen.

1120
01:05:13.840 --> 01:05:19.200
First of all, so sorry to hear about your dad and his passing. I'm sure that was

1121
01:05:19.200 --> 01:05:22.320
very hard. How old were you when he passed away?

1122
01:05:22.320 --> 01:05:28.400
I was 31. It was 18 years ago, but it still comes up sometimes because I ended up having

1123
01:05:28.400 --> 01:05:32.960
to be strong for my mom, right? Because he had a massive heart attack in front of my mom.

1124
01:05:33.520 --> 01:05:40.000
So I didn't get to grieve right away. I became almost like the parent to my mom for many years.

1125
01:05:41.280 --> 01:05:46.960
Yeah. So here's some of the things that were kind of standing out to me as you were talking.

1126
01:05:48.320 --> 01:05:52.880
You mentioned different timeframes in your life. So the 16 years old, when you started dating

1127
01:05:52.880 --> 01:05:58.000
people that were caught up in drugs or alcohol, really asking the Lord to reveal

1128
01:05:58.560 --> 01:06:04.160
what was going on in you. Typically we're going to attract or go towards those people

1129
01:06:04.160 --> 01:06:10.080
if we have some kind of experience with that, or we've seen that. And sometimes really good kids

1130
01:06:10.080 --> 01:06:17.520
just get caught up with the wrong crowd. So sometimes it literally is just that. But typically,

1131
01:06:17.840 --> 01:06:23.520
um, like even I'll use my spiritual daughter. She's a good example. And I'm not saying this

1132
01:06:23.520 --> 01:06:30.240
is you, but this is what's coming to mind is, um, she said to me one time, I kept trying to

1133
01:06:30.240 --> 01:06:34.800
like figure out, she had these really sweet friends. And then one day she just quit being

1134
01:06:34.800 --> 01:06:41.840
friends with them. And she had other friends as well, but these friends just weren't as nice

1135
01:06:41.840 --> 01:06:46.800
of kids. Okay. I'll just leave it that way. And so I was just trying to talk to her one

1136
01:06:46.800 --> 01:06:51.200
day, like what happened with your friends? So-and-so like what happened there? And,

1137
01:06:51.760 --> 01:06:55.760
you know, we had this long conversation, essentially what she ended up sharing is that

1138
01:06:56.720 --> 01:07:04.400
it was too hard for her to have friends that had a perfect life or that didn't have a life as hard

1139
01:07:04.400 --> 01:07:12.160
as her because those people can't understand me. Okay. So I'm just putting that out there. Number

1140
01:07:12.160 --> 01:07:18.240
one is asking the Lord to reveal like what led you to go towards people that were not making

1141
01:07:18.240 --> 01:07:24.000
healthy choices. And is there anything the Lord wants to reveal for healing from when you were

1142
01:07:24.000 --> 01:07:31.680
16? Um, and then the other thought that I had is, um, you started out with the never going to let

1143
01:07:31.680 --> 01:07:38.800
my guard down, which led you to talk about the dating when you're 16, but then led to your ex

1144
01:07:38.800 --> 01:07:44.960
or your dad dying, then your ex leaving and then your kids. Okay. So the reason I'm pointing this

1145
01:07:44.960 --> 01:07:49.760
out, this is really good that this happened. So basically you're linking, I think those were four

1146
01:07:49.760 --> 01:07:55.680
different things. You're linking four things there that are pain points for you that all

1147
01:07:55.680 --> 01:08:02.880
link to that original vow. But even as you were talking, I've also felt like, um,

1148
01:08:03.760 --> 01:08:12.480
like you just feel like nobody believes you when you're saying things about your kids or you have

1149
01:08:12.480 --> 01:08:19.920
a need, or maybe even when you were trying to get your ex to stay and, or whatever the scenario is,

1150
01:08:19.920 --> 01:08:27.840
the underlying lie is nobody believes me. Nobody listens to me. And so I don't know where that

1151
01:08:28.640 --> 01:08:34.399
might have started for you. But again, asking the Lord to reveal the first time you had a thought,

1152
01:08:34.399 --> 01:08:40.720
even similar, even if it wasn't that exact phrase, but anything similar, um, I believe that's going

1153
01:08:40.720 --> 01:08:47.840
to kind of start you on a healing path because where that entered, then all these other things,

1154
01:08:47.840 --> 01:08:53.120
these four things that you mentioned, I believe kind of built on top of when that originally

1155
01:08:53.120 --> 01:08:59.680
started for you, where you just didn't feel heard, maybe not seen fully. Um, kind of like,

1156
01:08:59.680 --> 01:09:05.200
I'm just kind of in, in my spirit, I get an image of like, I call them sometimes wallflowers,

1157
01:09:05.200 --> 01:09:12.880
people that kind of stand on the outside and they just kind of blend in because they're afraid

1158
01:09:12.880 --> 01:09:20.640
of actually being seen and known and loved because most times they didn't feel that in the past.

1159
01:09:21.439 --> 01:09:27.680
Okay. So as you guys lean into these vows, keep unpacking them. I'm going to shift us towards this

1160
01:09:27.680 --> 01:09:32.160
next content. Cause I want to talk about it. We're going to stay in the main group. I'm not

1161
01:09:32.160 --> 01:09:36.240
going to put you in breakouts just cause we, this happened earlier today too, but it's okay. Cause

1162
01:09:36.240 --> 01:09:40.000
we're, we've been doing coaching, but I'm going to keep you here with me and we're just gonna,

1163
01:09:40.000 --> 01:09:43.359
I'm going to share the content and then I'm going to ask you guys to kind of open up and share

1164
01:09:43.359 --> 01:09:50.560
again. Okay. All right. So the next piece I want to tie into this tonight is our next piece.

1165
01:09:50.640 --> 01:09:59.920
Our behavior. The things that we do in our everyday life for good or for not good. So healthy or unhealthy.

1166
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.160
Let's say it that way, because I don't like to, I don't like any kind of

1167
01:10:04.160 --> 01:10:06.480
verbiage that labels people as good or bad.

1168
01:10:07.480 --> 01:10:08.800
I don't like to do that to people.

1169
01:10:08.800 --> 01:10:13.200
I don't like to say that over people, people are hurt or they're healed.

1170
01:10:13.920 --> 01:10:16.520
You know, they're in process or all those kinds of things.

1171
01:10:16.520 --> 01:10:21.360
So good choices, let's switch that to healthy choices and unhealthy choices.

1172
01:10:21.360 --> 01:10:21.840
Okay.

1173
01:10:22.040 --> 01:10:25.920
Even when you guys are speaking over yourself, so let's think about different

1174
01:10:25.920 --> 01:10:29.840
behaviors, different things that you do in a given day, think about

1175
01:10:30.200 --> 01:10:32.680
the healthy choices that you're making.

1176
01:10:33.160 --> 01:10:40.000
And also think about unhealthy choices that you might have made, whether today,

1177
01:10:40.040 --> 01:10:42.480
whether last week, whether a month ago.

1178
01:10:42.480 --> 01:10:44.800
And it's something the Lord has brought up in your spirit.

1179
01:10:45.600 --> 01:10:47.320
You guys, it can look a lot of different ways.

1180
01:10:47.360 --> 01:10:48.800
Maybe it's overeating.

1181
01:10:49.000 --> 01:10:52.080
Maybe it's giving into sexual temptation.

1182
01:10:52.200 --> 01:10:54.760
Maybe it is gossiping.

1183
01:10:54.760 --> 01:11:02.200
Maybe it is, um, fault finding or arguing or whatever your scenario is.

1184
01:11:02.240 --> 01:11:02.760
Okay.

1185
01:11:04.480 --> 01:11:11.400
Our behavior when we, um, are asked to get it under control in a sense with our

1186
01:11:11.400 --> 01:11:14.120
parents, when we're growing up and they're just like, just stop that.

1187
01:11:14.520 --> 01:11:15.520
Just stop that.

1188
01:11:15.640 --> 01:11:19.200
Have you ever had your parents just keep telling you that, but you're like, but,

1189
01:11:19.600 --> 01:11:24.880
but in your heart, you're rebelling against what they're saying because

1190
01:11:24.880 --> 01:11:29.040
somewhere in your heart, you don't agree with them and you don't think

1191
01:11:29.040 --> 01:11:30.360
you should stop doing that thing.

1192
01:11:30.360 --> 01:11:33.760
Even if it's, I don't know if you ever saw the little book where the boy's

1193
01:11:33.760 --> 01:11:36.160
jumping on the bed and he doesn't listen to his parents.

1194
01:11:36.160 --> 01:11:38.000
Well, then he ends up falling off the bed.

1195
01:11:38.920 --> 01:11:41.760
So sometimes, you know, our parents are trying to get us to

1196
01:11:41.760 --> 01:11:43.840
stop doing things to protect us.

1197
01:11:44.360 --> 01:11:45.520
But again, we're having fun.

1198
01:11:45.520 --> 01:11:48.120
We're jumping on the bed, right?

1199
01:11:49.200 --> 01:11:53.520
But tonight the Lord is saying, I encourage you.

1200
01:11:53.520 --> 01:11:54.440
I love you.

1201
01:11:54.800 --> 01:11:57.240
And I want you to stop jumping on the bed.

1202
01:11:58.520 --> 01:12:03.680
I'm using this as a lighthearted way to talk about behaviors that we have

1203
01:12:04.120 --> 01:12:05.800
that are not serving us well.

1204
01:12:06.880 --> 01:12:07.360
Okay.

1205
01:12:08.480 --> 01:12:14.120
What we do, the behaviors that we do come out of our identity.

1206
01:12:14.640 --> 01:12:19.080
If we don't have a confidence in the identity that God has given us, if we

1207
01:12:19.080 --> 01:12:23.760
don't get our identity from Christ, we are going to try to get our

1208
01:12:23.760 --> 01:12:26.440
identity from people or things.

1209
01:12:26.880 --> 01:12:32.120
We are going to try to shove stuff into our hearts and our lives that try to

1210
01:12:32.120 --> 01:12:34.320
fill the hole that only belongs to God.

1211
01:12:34.840 --> 01:12:43.040
But you guys, we can't keep up good behavior long-term if our hearts aren't healed.

1212
01:12:44.040 --> 01:12:49.240
Transformation, when that really happens, that's when life change happens.

1213
01:12:49.640 --> 01:12:57.160
That's when you change the direction you're going and you never go back to that thing again.

1214
01:12:57.440 --> 01:12:58.960
Does that mean you'll never struggle?

1215
01:12:58.960 --> 01:13:01.360
Does that mean the enemy will never tempt you ever again?

1216
01:13:01.640 --> 01:13:03.040
No, typically he will.

1217
01:13:03.240 --> 01:13:08.440
But at some point when you gain the full victory, he won't come knocking at that

1218
01:13:08.440 --> 01:13:10.720
same door again, not in the same way, at least.

1219
01:13:11.480 --> 01:13:14.720
He might try to bring that thing back to your door some other way.

1220
01:13:15.000 --> 01:13:20.120
This afternoon, I talked about how often the enemy will come and he will come with

1221
01:13:20.120 --> 01:13:22.280
this toxic drink, let's say it this way.

1222
01:13:22.680 --> 01:13:31.080
And maybe he's telling you that, you know, this little bit of whatever, again, I'm

1223
01:13:31.080 --> 01:13:36.880
letting you guys fill in your own blanks tonight, it won't hurt you that bad.

1224
01:13:38.160 --> 01:13:39.480
Just take a drink.

1225
01:13:39.880 --> 01:13:44.600
And I'm not talking about just alcohol right now, I'm kind of giving symbolism to

1226
01:13:44.600 --> 01:13:49.160
this poison, toxic drink that the enemy is serving you in your daily life.

1227
01:13:50.440 --> 01:13:56.640
OK, broken identities are doing all kinds of things that are bringing more and more

1228
01:13:56.640 --> 01:14:01.720
brokenness into your life, into my life, and so when I am living into the broken

1229
01:14:01.720 --> 01:14:08.840
identity areas that I still have, that is when I'm going to tend to have behaviors

1230
01:14:08.880 --> 01:14:10.840
that are not healthy and they're not serving me.

1231
01:14:11.960 --> 01:14:23.240
OK, so in years past, a long time ago, I used to struggle to not have sex, just

1232
01:14:23.240 --> 01:14:26.680
being real, I'm going to make it really real and transparent tonight, you guys.

1233
01:14:27.560 --> 01:14:30.880
And that was a very, very big struggle for me.

1234
01:14:31.120 --> 01:14:37.800
And I can remember, which this is legit, I can remember like I never learned the

1235
01:14:37.800 --> 01:14:40.160
right boundaries because of what was done to me.

1236
01:14:40.160 --> 01:14:44.920
Like I, as a little kid, was taught things that I should have never been taught.

1237
01:14:44.960 --> 01:14:48.640
And so it turned on physical things in me that should have never been turned on at

1238
01:14:48.640 --> 01:14:50.760
that age. All of those things are true.

1239
01:14:51.120 --> 01:14:57.320
They are. But then what happened is there were times and I'm not saying even all the

1240
01:14:57.320 --> 01:14:59.720
time, but there were times where the enemy.

1241
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:05.000
would try to convince me to like, it's okay,

1242
01:15:06.720 --> 01:15:08.620
because you can't help it.

1243
01:15:12.200 --> 01:15:13.360
Okay.

1244
01:15:13.360 --> 01:15:16.240
The other flip side of this is that there were times

1245
01:15:16.240 --> 01:15:20.120
when I was standing up for righteousness and for good things

1246
01:15:20.120 --> 01:15:21.960
and to not live that kind of life.

1247
01:15:21.960 --> 01:15:26.960
And the person I was dating literally in every single way

1248
01:15:27.240 --> 01:15:29.040
tried to force that.

1249
01:15:31.000 --> 01:15:36.000
And when I said no, he sped out of the driveway and left

1250
01:15:37.800 --> 01:15:39.880
and never came back the rest of the night,

1251
01:15:39.880 --> 01:15:41.780
those kinds of things.

1252
01:15:41.780 --> 01:15:46.320
So here it is, two sides, two sides, right?

1253
01:15:46.320 --> 01:15:48.880
What that was reinforcing with that guy is

1254
01:15:48.880 --> 01:15:52.080
if I don't have sex with someone,

1255
01:15:52.080 --> 01:15:54.640
there are bad consequences.

1256
01:15:54.640 --> 01:15:58.640
And when I was little, I was made to think the same thing

1257
01:15:59.400 --> 01:16:02.680
because I was afraid as a kid.

1258
01:16:03.600 --> 01:16:06.040
And so your story might be totally different.

1259
01:16:06.040 --> 01:16:09.000
Maybe for you, it's something entirely different.

1260
01:16:09.000 --> 01:16:10.880
So don't just shut down right now.

1261
01:16:11.800 --> 01:16:15.500
Your thing is your thing, whatever that is.

1262
01:16:16.520 --> 01:16:21.300
But what I'm saying to you now is that praise Jesus,

1263
01:16:21.300 --> 01:16:24.120
God helped me the whole way through.

1264
01:16:24.120 --> 01:16:27.080
And I knew after I dated that last guy

1265
01:16:27.080 --> 01:16:28.960
and he was one of the people that just,

1266
01:16:28.960 --> 01:16:30.960
he put so much pressure on me.

1267
01:16:30.960 --> 01:16:35.500
And you guys, I said no so many times.

1268
01:16:35.500 --> 01:16:36.920
And I'm not sorry that I did.

1269
01:16:36.920 --> 01:16:39.200
I wasn't using it as a control over him.

1270
01:16:39.200 --> 01:16:44.080
I did not want to have sex before I was married.

1271
01:16:45.340 --> 01:16:46.400
I didn't.

1272
01:16:46.400 --> 01:16:50.740
But see, I dated someone that wasn't committed to that.

1273
01:16:50.740 --> 01:16:52.920
That's why that pressure kept happening.

1274
01:16:52.920 --> 01:16:56.320
So I knew, I knew for sure

1275
01:16:56.320 --> 01:16:59.000
than this last time of dating round,

1276
01:16:59.000 --> 01:17:01.940
I wasn't going to date anybody

1277
01:17:01.940 --> 01:17:05.320
that pressured me in that way at all.

1278
01:17:05.320 --> 01:17:07.420
Because if they start pressuring me

1279
01:17:07.420 --> 01:17:09.720
on the front end about that,

1280
01:17:09.720 --> 01:17:12.440
I'm gonna get more of that as time goes on.

1281
01:17:12.440 --> 01:17:13.800
And praise the Lord,

1282
01:17:13.800 --> 01:17:16.600
I met someone who valued that as much as I did.

1283
01:17:16.600 --> 01:17:21.040
And we partnered together and God enabled us both

1284
01:17:21.040 --> 01:17:22.560
to make the right decisions.

1285
01:17:22.560 --> 01:17:24.760
And we didn't have sex before we were married.

1286
01:17:24.760 --> 01:17:29.760
And y'all, it's so amazing to invest in Covenant.

1287
01:17:30.360 --> 01:17:31.680
It's so amazing.

1288
01:17:31.680 --> 01:17:36.680
And so again, maybe yours is being honest in your finances.

1289
01:17:37.780 --> 01:17:40.140
I don't know what your thing is.

1290
01:17:40.140 --> 01:17:44.320
Maybe yours is not like continuing

1291
01:17:44.320 --> 01:17:46.200
to binge and purge on food.

1292
01:17:47.520 --> 01:17:49.560
I'm just saying what's coming up in my spirit

1293
01:17:49.560 --> 01:17:51.280
because I don't want other people to check out

1294
01:17:51.280 --> 01:17:54.780
if your issue isn't sexual temptation.

1295
01:17:55.840 --> 01:17:57.480
Whatever your struggle is,

1296
01:17:57.480 --> 01:17:59.360
that's what I'm talking about.

1297
01:17:59.360 --> 01:18:01.800
So Jeremiah 17, nine and 10 says,

1298
01:18:01.800 --> 01:18:03.900
"'The broken heart is wickedly deceitful.

1299
01:18:03.900 --> 01:18:06.000
"'It's a puzzle that nobody can figure out,

1300
01:18:06.000 --> 01:18:09.320
"'but I, God, I get to the root of the matter.

1301
01:18:09.320 --> 01:18:10.740
"'I search the heart of the human

1302
01:18:10.740 --> 01:18:13.360
"'and I treat them as they really are,

1303
01:18:13.360 --> 01:18:16.660
"'not as they are pretending to be.

1304
01:18:17.600 --> 01:18:19.580
"'Our hearts are puzzles, you all.

1305
01:18:19.580 --> 01:18:20.720
"'They're like mysteries,

1306
01:18:20.720 --> 01:18:22.840
"'but God is the great puzzle maker

1307
01:18:22.840 --> 01:18:25.160
"'and He can put the puzzle together.

1308
01:18:25.160 --> 01:18:27.260
"'You just gotta ask Him for the help.

1309
01:18:28.140 --> 01:18:30.900
"'Remember that foxes are," foxes.

1310
01:18:30.900 --> 01:18:33.140
Foxes are sneaky and deceptive.

1311
01:18:33.140 --> 01:18:34.100
Foxes, you all.

1312
01:18:34.100 --> 01:18:36.940
The foxes that come in to spoil your vine,

1313
01:18:36.940 --> 01:18:39.180
they are sneaky and deceptive.

1314
01:18:39.180 --> 01:18:40.140
And cracks.

1315
01:18:40.140 --> 01:18:42.540
You guys, we all have cracks in the foundation.

1316
01:18:42.580 --> 01:18:46.980
And so what God's trying to do is heal those cracks

1317
01:18:48.740 --> 01:18:50.260
and fill in the foundation.

1318
01:18:50.260 --> 01:18:53.620
And sometimes the cracks aren't visible to us.

1319
01:18:55.180 --> 01:18:58.740
Sometimes we think we're good, we've done this work,

1320
01:18:58.740 --> 01:19:01.460
you know, I've gone around this mountain,

1321
01:19:01.460 --> 01:19:02.580
I don't have any cracks,

1322
01:19:02.580 --> 01:19:06.560
but we still have some cracks that need filled in.

1323
01:19:08.020 --> 01:19:09.260
When we see things a certain way,

1324
01:19:09.260 --> 01:19:11.680
we will find evidence of that thing.

1325
01:19:11.680 --> 01:19:14.120
So what is the thing that you are certain

1326
01:19:14.120 --> 01:19:15.640
that that is what you see?

1327
01:19:15.640 --> 01:19:19.760
You know, again, maybe it is the nothing's ever changed

1328
01:19:19.760 --> 01:19:21.640
and nothing's ever gonna be different.

1329
01:19:21.640 --> 01:19:23.320
Is that what you see?

1330
01:19:23.320 --> 01:19:25.680
Because if that is what your focus is on,

1331
01:19:25.680 --> 01:19:27.240
you're gonna see more of that.

1332
01:19:28.280 --> 01:19:30.480
It's just like when you go to buy a new car.

1333
01:19:31.480 --> 01:19:32.600
Guess what you start seeing?

1334
01:19:32.600 --> 01:19:34.480
If you find a car you really like,

1335
01:19:34.480 --> 01:19:36.120
all of a sudden you start seeing that car.

1336
01:19:36.120 --> 01:19:37.960
It's the same principle.

1337
01:19:37.960 --> 01:19:41.420
What you believe you become and what you become you attract.

1338
01:19:43.080 --> 01:19:48.080
So if you're attracting things and people that are unhealthy

1339
01:19:49.540 --> 01:19:53.600
that I would encourage you to look at the way that you think

1340
01:19:53.600 --> 01:19:55.120
and where is it leading you?

1341
01:19:55.120 --> 01:19:58.440
Is it serving you or is it holding you back?

1342
01:19:58.440 --> 01:19:59.280
Okay.

1343
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:13.440
I'm going to go back to Tammy and if anyone else wants to share about anything else, I just said, and maybe something stirring up a new additional. I'm going to open the floor to additional people as well. Okay, Tammy, go ahead.

1344
01:20:21.160 --> 01:20:21.800
Sorry.

1345
01:20:22.880 --> 01:20:23.320
Okay.

1346
01:20:24.600 --> 01:20:25.280
So,

1347
01:20:26.520 --> 01:20:28.080
The valves that we have

1348
01:20:29.080 --> 01:20:29.640
that

1349
01:20:31.800 --> 01:20:33.320
maybe hold us back.

1350
01:20:35.840 --> 01:20:44.040
We were all discussing it in our breakout rooms. And sometimes you feel like you haven't

1351
01:20:44.040 --> 01:21:11.880
been given enough time to let that go. Like, it might have been six or seven years, but you're not ready to let that thing that you said would never, you'd never let touch you again go, because you saw how unhealthy of an environment it put you in.

1352
01:21:12.440 --> 01:21:13.360
It put you in.

1353
01:21:14.440 --> 01:21:19.920
So, where do you draw the line in order to let go?

1354
01:21:20.720 --> 01:21:48.240
Okay, so there's, there's a difference between walking in wisdom and learning from past mistakes and holding a vow and unforgiveness. Okay, so it's really important to separate the two, you can absolutely learn from the situation and never enter a similar situation again, without holding a vow and holding on forgiveness.

1355
01:21:48.360 --> 01:21:53.840
That is keeping other new people out, they may never do the same thing to you ever again.

1356
01:21:55.160 --> 01:22:02.000
So my, my kind of response is like, if you're not ready to let that go, my question to you would be why?

1357
01:22:03.880 --> 01:22:05.680
Like, what, why not?

1358
01:22:07.760 --> 01:22:10.880
It's just that that particular lifestyle

1359
01:22:12.960 --> 01:22:15.440
I feel is damaging.

1360
01:22:16.440 --> 01:22:38.960
Because when I was in it, there was a lot of backstabbing, a lot of alcohol, even some drugs at times, I didn't do them, but I mean, you know, stuff that I never wanted to be around.

1361
01:22:39.960 --> 01:22:42.440
Okay, so let me let me pause you for a minute.

1362
01:22:43.920 --> 01:22:51.520
We're not saying go into unhealthy lifestyles, when we ask you to let go of a vow.

1363
01:22:52.520 --> 01:23:11.520
If you're saying that you have gained wisdom, that a lifestyle of I'm just going to kind of paraphrase, I don't want to assume but partying, you know, drinking, that you do not feel from the wisdom of of heaven, that that is a life that you want to live in the future.

1364
01:23:12.520 --> 01:23:20.520
That is you learning wisdom, that's you learning, you know, where God is leading you, that's not so much making a vow.

1365
01:23:22.520 --> 01:23:39.520
A vow is like, I'm never gonna let anyone ever hurt me again, I'm never going to trust people again, where you're generalizing things and you're making a vow about not being able to move forward in your heart.

1366
01:23:40.520 --> 01:23:46.520
Totally, totally different from choosing to not go down an unhealthy path.

1367
01:23:47.520 --> 01:24:04.520
Well, that lifestyle that I'm discussing was a certain type of involved a certain type of guy who had a certain habit, and I'm not talking excessive alcoholism or drug habit.

1368
01:24:05.520 --> 01:24:25.520
But it was a lifestyle that some men have as a hobby that I just won't date a man that has that hobby as even if it's just a hobby, because I'm freaked out over that past relationship.

1369
01:24:26.520 --> 01:24:42.520
Again, the difference is that if something is leading you down an unhealthy path, you're not necessarily erecting a wall and making a vow in the sense that you're just saying, you know what, this was unhealthy.

1370
01:24:43.520 --> 01:24:45.520
So I'm not going to go down that path again.

1371
01:24:46.520 --> 01:24:48.520
Do you understand? No?

1372
01:24:49.520 --> 01:24:58.520
So what you're saying is me vowing to stay away from that is actually a good thing because I've learned from the first nightmare.

1373
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:05.600
Yes, because in a sense, what I'm saying to you though, is it's not so much you're making a vow

1374
01:25:05.600 --> 01:25:12.400
in that regard. You're saying this was unhealthy. I believe God is leading me on a different path.

1375
01:25:12.960 --> 01:25:19.680
You're making a choice. Do you see the difference? You're making a healthy choice.

1376
01:25:19.680 --> 01:25:24.800
Well, like the difference is when the vow is like, you're like, I will never do this again.

1377
01:25:24.800 --> 01:25:31.120
The difference to me is that those are things that are actually keeping you bound when you

1378
01:25:31.120 --> 01:25:40.000
make a vow. Do you understand? Like when we make a vow, those things are not kingdom and not

1379
01:25:40.000 --> 01:25:47.120
heavenly, and we're making a vow with them. And they keep us bound and they keep us stuck. Where

1380
01:25:47.120 --> 01:25:53.120
if there was something that was harmful or hurtful to us, and we get revelation that that is not

1381
01:25:53.120 --> 01:26:01.120
something that God wants us to go into because it's not healthy for us, that's you choosing to

1382
01:26:01.120 --> 01:26:10.640
walk on the healthy path. Okay. Okay. A vow is literally, again, you're aligning with something

1383
01:26:10.640 --> 01:26:20.880
that is embedded and rooted in a lie. Do you follow me? So if I, okay, if I believe the lie

1384
01:26:20.880 --> 01:26:28.640
that people are untrustworthy, and I can't trust anybody, then I make a vow and I agree with it

1385
01:26:28.640 --> 01:26:34.480
that I will never trust anybody ever again. Okay, that's the vow and it's rooted in a lie.

1386
01:26:35.760 --> 01:26:42.640
You are getting truth and revelation that that place and that situation is unhealthy.

1387
01:26:43.200 --> 01:26:46.640
Therefore, you are choosing a different path.

1388
01:26:49.200 --> 01:26:55.760
Okay. Okay. Different from making a vow. You are saying I don't want to participate in that

1389
01:26:55.760 --> 01:27:03.680
lifestyle ever again, because it's not healthy. It's a choice. Difference between a choice and a

1390
01:27:03.680 --> 01:27:11.200
vow. Okay. Is everyone or is everyone, are people following me? Okay. I just want to make sure I

1391
01:27:11.200 --> 01:27:17.520
didn't lose everybody. All right. Great question. I think sometimes that's where people get stuck.

1392
01:27:17.520 --> 01:27:23.520
They feel like if we ask them to let go of vows, that means you have to go back into unhealthy

1393
01:27:23.520 --> 01:27:31.120
situations. Never you all, if you were with someone that was toxic and unhealthy, we would

1394
01:27:31.120 --> 01:27:40.000
never encourage you to go back into those situations. Okay. We want you all to move

1395
01:27:40.000 --> 01:27:46.720
towards health. And so in this regard, we're letting go of vows that do not lead us into health.

1396
01:27:47.360 --> 01:27:55.200
They're keeping us bound. Okay. Good question. Very good question. Yes. Vows restrict and

1397
01:27:55.200 --> 01:28:01.680
constrain us. Healthy choices expand you. Yes. Jen, that's great. I love it. Yeah. Because when you

1398
01:28:01.680 --> 01:28:06.880
walk into a healthy choice, it's going to really bring a lot of confidence and freedom.

1399
01:28:07.520 --> 01:28:12.320
You're going to feel good and in a healthy relationship where you're not experiencing

1400
01:28:12.320 --> 01:28:18.720
those kinds of things for sure. Yeah. So good. All right. You guys, I can take one more and I'll

1401
01:28:18.720 --> 01:28:25.520
tell you, I saw Jenna Halliday first, so I'm going to go with her. Let's see. Abby, Brittany, Lucy,

1402
01:28:26.160 --> 01:28:31.920
Gail. I don't think I miss anyone else. Please put a post in the group so that I can come in and give

1403
01:28:31.920 --> 01:28:38.880
you some feedback. Okay. All right. Jenna, go ahead. Sure. So one of the big vows that I dealt

1404
01:28:38.880 --> 01:28:45.520
with was trusting people in authority. I had some developmental disabilities growing up. And so

1405
01:28:46.080 --> 01:28:54.800
doctors, teachers, even pastors, leaders, I found that I couldn't trust people because they didn't

1406
01:28:54.800 --> 01:29:03.280
understand. And so that's kind of where I've struggled, even as I've gotten older, is trusting

1407
01:29:03.840 --> 01:29:14.160
people because of that misunderstanding. Yeah. Okay. So Jenna, one of the important things that

1408
01:29:14.160 --> 01:29:18.400
this just came up in my spirit that I think will be helpful to you in this process of

1409
01:29:18.400 --> 01:29:21.520
the learning how to surrender and let those things go and heal.

1410
01:29:24.000 --> 01:29:30.880
Hurt by leaders, healed by and through leaders. Hurt in community, you all healed in community.

1411
01:29:31.680 --> 01:29:37.200
And so Jenna, I think you're in a season where God has, I believe, placed you in a community

1412
01:29:37.200 --> 01:29:44.320
where you can learn and see that there are leaders that can be healthy. You guys, in our whole lives,

1413
01:29:44.320 --> 01:29:49.120
we're going to experience people that are healthy, not healthy, all different kinds of scenarios.

1414
01:29:49.120 --> 01:29:55.280
I mean, this church, both of them really that we've been in, I mean, I've never gone through

1415
01:29:55.280 --> 01:29:59.840
so much religious abuse ever. I've been saved for like 25 years.

1416
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:05.680
I mean, but it's interesting already in the process, this new potential church, we're

1417
01:30:05.680 --> 01:30:10.120
already feeling this healing wave happening.

1418
01:30:10.120 --> 01:30:17.400
And so just want to encourage you, Jenna, that even when I'm hearing the phrase, do

1419
01:30:17.400 --> 01:30:23.400
it afraid, even when you feel like the enemy is kind of encouraging you to pull back and

1420
01:30:23.400 --> 01:30:29.040
not lean in, like to pull back from community, to pull back from your sisters in this group,

1421
01:30:29.040 --> 01:30:35.880
I'm going to encourage you to lean in and post anyways, OK, or have a conversation with

1422
01:30:35.880 --> 01:30:40.900
someone anyways, or, you know, kind of really allowing yourself to be stretched a little

1423
01:30:40.900 --> 01:30:41.900
bit.

1424
01:30:41.900 --> 01:30:45.680
And sometimes it's going to feel really uncomfortable.

1425
01:30:45.680 --> 01:30:50.160
But in that, I believe God is going to come in and heal some of those wounds from the

1426
01:30:50.160 --> 01:30:54.800
past with the leaders where you felt just like they didn't.

1427
01:30:54.800 --> 01:30:59.360
I think you said I was trying to write everything down, didn't understand you.

1428
01:30:59.360 --> 01:31:03.640
And also.

1429
01:31:03.640 --> 01:31:07.920
I had to pause for a minute because I was hearing the Lord say something and I just

1430
01:31:07.920 --> 01:31:08.920
want to make sure it was clear.

1431
01:31:08.920 --> 01:31:12.320
I really do feel like.

1432
01:31:12.320 --> 01:31:17.740
You're going to be an advocate for people that are in your situation, like where you

1433
01:31:17.740 --> 01:31:22.760
used to be, that you're going to advocate for them when they're in that situation.

1434
01:31:22.760 --> 01:31:29.800
So I want to encourage you to not allow fears of not like what you faced in the past of

1435
01:31:29.800 --> 01:31:35.800
any time you struggled with maybe academics or anything like that, that don't let that

1436
01:31:35.800 --> 01:31:41.160
hold you back, because I feel like God really does want to to use you in that way.

1437
01:31:41.160 --> 01:31:43.960
And I don't know that you want that calling, but I just sense it.

1438
01:31:43.960 --> 01:31:49.960
And so I want to speak that over you and just see what God wants to do with that in the

1439
01:31:49.960 --> 01:31:50.960
future.

1440
01:31:51.960 --> 01:31:53.640
He's the great healer, you all.

1441
01:31:53.640 --> 01:31:55.560
He's the great physician.

1442
01:31:55.560 --> 01:31:58.200
Nothing's too hard for him.

1443
01:31:58.200 --> 01:32:00.080
Your cares, your wounds.

1444
01:32:00.080 --> 01:32:01.160
Jenna, thank you for sharing.

1445
01:32:01.160 --> 01:32:04.920
And I think earlier I forgot to tell Jessica, thank you for sharing.

1446
01:32:04.920 --> 01:32:07.240
So thank you, everyone that shared tonight.

1447
01:32:07.240 --> 01:32:11.400
Even if you shared in the chat, I saw things kind of coming up there.

1448
01:32:11.400 --> 01:32:15.560
You guys, we all make this experience what it is.

1449
01:32:15.720 --> 01:32:20.920
So as you contribute, as you share, you know, whether it's in the chat, during the lives,

1450
01:32:20.920 --> 01:32:24.200
in the breakouts, it all works together.

1451
01:32:24.200 --> 01:32:26.360
And God is doing stuff through it.

1452
01:32:26.360 --> 01:32:31.880
But I was going to say to you, God sees every need that you have.

1453
01:32:31.880 --> 01:32:38.360
And I know so often the enemy loves to make people think that God has forgotten them.

1454
01:32:38.360 --> 01:32:41.240
And Mother's Day is coming up in a few weeks.

1455
01:32:41.240 --> 01:32:45.240
I feel like it's important to acknowledge that this is coming.

1456
01:32:45.240 --> 01:32:51.240
You all, Mother's Day is really tough for a lot of people, for a lot of different reasons.

1457
01:32:51.240 --> 01:32:56.440
And I want you guys to know that our plan, we have this Sunday night activation all the

1458
01:32:56.440 --> 01:33:01.960
time, but the Sunday night of Mother's Day, we are going to do a Mother's Blessing.

1459
01:33:01.960 --> 01:33:06.680
I don't know for sure if I'll be able to be on that yet, but for sure some of our other

1460
01:33:06.680 --> 01:33:07.920
team will be on.

1461
01:33:08.080 --> 01:33:15.520
I really encourage you, if you can come to the Mother's Blessing on the 12th to come,

1462
01:33:15.520 --> 01:33:19.920
because the Holy Spirit, I think is going to release some really important supernatural

1463
01:33:19.920 --> 01:33:29.920
things to so many of you where the enemy really, you know, wounded you through your mom, or

1464
01:33:29.920 --> 01:33:35.280
maybe even the loss of your mom or loss of a sister even is what's coming up in my spirit.

1465
01:33:35.280 --> 01:33:40.960
So even though it's Mother's Day, sometimes we feel those losses during these times in

1466
01:33:40.960 --> 01:33:41.600
these seasons.

1467
01:33:41.600 --> 01:33:43.440
And I want you guys to know I'm praying for you.

1468
01:33:45.200 --> 01:33:48.160
Yes, anybody can come to that Sunday night activation.

1469
01:33:48.160 --> 01:33:49.200
You don't have to be a mother.

1470
01:33:49.200 --> 01:33:51.280
This is for all women and men.

1471
01:33:51.280 --> 01:33:54.560
It's co-ed, but we're specifically, we'll do the same.

1472
01:33:54.560 --> 01:33:58.960
We'll do some additional stuff that night, but it's going to be a time of ministry in

1473
01:33:58.960 --> 01:34:04.160
regards to any kind of, like even some of our moms in here, you have broken relationships

1474
01:34:04.160 --> 01:34:05.200
with your kids.

1475
01:34:05.200 --> 01:34:06.800
We're going to pray into that, that night.

1476
01:34:08.080 --> 01:34:11.440
We just want you to know we care and I'm praying for you guys.

1477
01:34:13.200 --> 01:34:17.680
I just, it's something that's really on my heart as I prepare for a Mother's Day sermon

1478
01:34:17.680 --> 01:34:18.640
at my own church.

1479
01:34:18.640 --> 01:34:21.760
And I just don't want to not mention it tonight.

1480
01:34:22.400 --> 01:34:22.720
All right.

1481
01:34:22.720 --> 01:34:23.840
Let me pray us out.

1482
01:34:23.840 --> 01:34:25.040
You guys have been amazing.

1483
01:34:25.840 --> 01:34:28.320
It's our, it's our regular Sunday night thing.

1484
01:34:28.320 --> 01:34:30.320
So it's eight o'clock PM Eastern time.

1485
01:34:30.320 --> 01:34:30.640
Okay.

1486
01:34:31.840 --> 01:34:33.280
That's on May the 12th.

1487
01:34:33.280 --> 01:34:36.800
But we have Sunday night activation next Sunday as well.

1488
01:34:36.800 --> 01:34:37.760
So it's every Sunday.

1489
01:34:37.760 --> 01:34:38.080
Okay.

1490
01:34:39.040 --> 01:34:39.440
All right.

1491
01:34:39.440 --> 01:34:40.800
Father, thank you so much.

1492
01:34:42.160 --> 01:34:44.880
God, thank you that you see every need that we have.

1493
01:34:44.880 --> 01:34:46.000
God, I thank you that.

1494
01:34:47.520 --> 01:34:52.880
God, you care about us coming out of sin, out of areas of bondage, out of things that

1495
01:34:52.880 --> 01:34:53.680
are holding us back.

1496
01:34:53.680 --> 01:34:57.440
We pray that you just continue to do the work that you've already begun tonight.

1497
01:34:57.440 --> 01:34:59.920
I thank you that as they go to sleep, that you give them sailing.

1498
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:03.920
the rest that you would meet them in their dreams at night, as well as their daydreams

1499
01:35:03.920 --> 01:35:04.920
during the day.

1500
01:35:04.920 --> 01:35:12.120
God, we thank you that you would quicken, um, this healing work in a supernatural way.

1501
01:35:12.120 --> 01:35:18.580
Lord God, we thank you that, um, Lord that you do the heavy lifting God that so many

1502
01:35:18.580 --> 01:35:23.400
times that we just, we want, we have that inner spirit that says, I do it myself.

1503
01:35:23.400 --> 01:35:29.240
I do it myself, or I've always had to do it by myself, but Lord, we know that's not truth.

1504
01:35:29.240 --> 01:35:31.080
God, you've always been there.

1505
01:35:31.080 --> 01:35:32.200
You've never left us.

1506
01:35:32.200 --> 01:35:33.360
You never forsaken us.

1507
01:35:33.360 --> 01:35:39.400
So Lord help us to see in the spirit realm, help us to see the times where we thought

1508
01:35:39.400 --> 01:35:41.200
you weren't there for us.

1509
01:35:41.200 --> 01:35:43.360
Help us to see the truth.

1510
01:35:43.360 --> 01:35:46.280
We just thank you for it in advance in Jesus name.

1511
01:35:46.280 --> 01:35:47.280
Amen.

1512
01:35:47.280 --> 01:35:48.280
God bless you all.

1513
01:35:48.280 --> 01:35:50.000
I'll see you guys in the group.

1514
01:35:50.000 --> 01:35:51.080
Have an amazing night.