WEBVTT

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you

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you

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you

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you

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hold on one second ladies I don't see it live in the group hold on one sec I'll

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be right there

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you

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and one of you all check for me and just see if you see it in the phase one and

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two group because I don't know if I'm just having technical issues or because

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normally it's super easy

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sorry about that

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anyone else see it in the group I don't see it there all right let me try this

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again hold on one second it's saying it was there yeah I don't see okay I just

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wanna make sure I wasn't imagining it I'll be

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you

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you

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All right. Thanks for your patience, ladies. I don't know why it didn't work the first time. Good to see you all. Welcome. Welcome. We have 76 live right now. I'm sure more people will start to join as they see us on here as well. I hope that you guys are having a great day. God has something really awesome in store tonight. And I hope you came with expectant hearts. A couple important things.

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new. So you might have joined in this last week, or maybe even the week before, just

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want to let you know, we always do a couple quick housekeeping things. And then we will

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get started in the into the content. So tonight, my my biggest things is if you are new, you

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just want to familiarize yourself with the and even if you've been in here a few weeks,

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this might be the first time you're hearing this too, because people miss things and tend

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to have this question. You want to make sure in the Facebook group that you're familiar

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with the guides tab and the feature tab. Okay, those are really, really important through

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this whole journey, even after you guys are finished with heartwork, and you'll go in

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the next phase, same thing you'll and then even in the group after that, if you guys

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choose to go into membership from there. So getting used to that, and all the recordings

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from like this live session will be it's already automatically in the group. That's why I took

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the time to make sure that did that. But we also put it in your Jackie doorman.com

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website portal. Okay, so please don't like when you finish the heartwork, don't get rid

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of your login and unsubscribe to that because it might cause you late like issues later

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on. We've had that happen this week in another group. So just want to let you guys know that

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hang on to that. I had a question today. So women's prayer is Monday through Friday at

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10am Eastern time. Okay, zoom link for that's in guides number two. And then we have supernatural

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Saturday every Saturday. And that is also in the guide number two. So those are both

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like they're going to be on zoom. So if you guys aren't sure where those are at guides,

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guides, guides, that's your friend. Alright, so on your names tonight, I didn't think to

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do this until too late last night, I tried to put a little thing in the in the chat there.

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But if your name on your screen is a phone number or iPhone, if you can click on the

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three dots, if you hover over your picture, or your name on the zoom and hover over the

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dots and click on it, you can change your name and your photo that way. Okay. So anytime

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you guys come on to zoom with us, please make sure it shows your name. Because if we can't

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see you and you don't have a name, anybody could be logged into here. And because we're

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sharing a lot of private content, we want to make sure we know who you are. Okay. Alright,

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so the last thing I have for you guys is this. These are kind of the reminders about the

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course and the content and just your heart and where you're at. It's really important

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for you guys to be taking really good care of yourself. So getting extra rest, drinking

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a lot of water, eating healthy, and it might seem like well, what's why does that matter?

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Well, because you're doing a lot of processing, you're doing a lot of hard work, you're going

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to be leaning into a lot of stuff. And as your body is trying to process that stuff,

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you know, all different kinds of stuff is getting released from your cells. So kind

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of moving that stuff through your body, getting a little bit of light exercise, if you can

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would be good as well. Um, one day at a time, y'all. Okay, super important. Jackie talked

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about it on our supernatural Saturday on this past Saturday about not worrying about tomorrow,

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because tomorrow has its own troubles. So today we just want you to focus on today.

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And that's one of the best ways to go through the hard work process as well. Some of you

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all have been struggling with overwhelm. It's very normal, just so you know, it's very common,

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but we want you to know you're going to get through, okay, just keep moving. Even if you

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take a break one day, kind of pick it back up the next day, just, just really resist

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going into isolation and pulling away from the community. Cause that's what the enemy

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wants. He doesn't want you to do your, your hard work. He doesn't want you to get free.

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He doesn't want you to find your spirit mates. So what's he going to do? He's going to try

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to pressure you, overwhelm you, distract you and get you off track. And a lot of you all,

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um, just from things I've read and your comments and things, um, struggle to be in community.

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Maybe you were hurt by other women in the past. Maybe you're just terrified of big groups.

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So tonight it's super important for you all to really show up authentically. It re I mean,

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for every session, but tonight and next week, we're going to be talking about some like

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really important things. And so you want to show up authentic, just don't hold anything

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back. What you put into it, what you're going to get out of it. Okay. Um, so just want to

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encourage you just cause what we're talking about tonight, sometimes people will get real

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shy and they don't share. And then they'll pose later. Like, I wish I had, I wish I had shared,

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you know, so just, just really, really trust the Holy spirit, whatever he leads you to share.

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Um, and just as a reminder, anything that is shared in our group, whether that's

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That's a comment, a post on our lives.

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It stays here.

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You all, you don't, please don't ever go and share that with anybody.

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Don't talk about like, Hey, somebody in my group, um, you know, shared this now,

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obviously within reason you can share that you're getting breakthrough from this

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community, but please don't go and share someone else's story outside of this group.

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Okay.

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All right.

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Awesome.

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So tonight we're going to start talking about repentance and confession.

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And I want to go ahead and pray, and then we're going to lean into this.

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All right, father.

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Thank you so much, God.

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You're so good.

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And you know, exactly what every woman came in the door with tonight, even

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though it's a virtual door, it's still a door.

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God, we thank you that your presence is everywhere.

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God, we thank you that your presence is in us.

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If we've, if we've accepted Jesus as our savior, he is living the spirit of

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the living God is on the inside of us.

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So Lord, we just ask you to just activate that within us, help us to

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hear what your spirit is saying to us.

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We ask you to bring those things that are in darkness to the light so that there

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can be healing and freedom and redemption.

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God let peace rule and reign in our hearts and our minds tonight.

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We just come against any spirits of anxiety, any spirits of fear in Jesus'

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name, and we declare that, uh, you father, you instead would release a spirit of

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love and of power and of a sound mind.

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We thank you, God, that you've gone before us into the conversations, Holy

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spirit, we just ask for your presence to come be here with us, guide our

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conversation and, um, yeah, Lord, just whatever the ladies need to share so

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that they can draw a little bit closer to you, help them to do it tonight.

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In Jesus name.

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Amen.

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All right.

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So we want to start talking right out of the gate about, you know, the things

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that we have done in the past, what we don't remember sometimes is that we

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don't always know the why behind the, what we think we do.

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We think we know why we do the things that we do, but until the Holy spirit

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illuminates it, then it's like a whole nother, like, Oh my gosh.

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Like I knew I struggled growing up.

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I'm not being promiscuous.

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I didn't really know exactly why.

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I didn't know why I had a desire to like make out with boys and

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always boy, crazy boy, crazy.

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Um, because I really didn't even want to be.

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Um, but like along the way, um, this was the confession and

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story God led me to share tonight.

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Along the way, you know, God just started showing me how connected that

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was because to the things I had been exposed to as a kid, okay.

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From pornography magazines, being out to sexual abuse happening in my home and to

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me, and, you know, then also like a lot of physical abuse in the home led me to

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marry someone that was physically abusive.

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So, you know, the Holy spirit knows why we do what we do.

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Right.

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And one of the things I want to mention too, is, um, one of the posts this week,

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someone was asking, you know, like, how do I get out of this loop?

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I want to be different.

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I want this part of me to change, but I keep doing the same thing.

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A lot of times y'all it's because even, even when we're doing everything we

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know to do in our own strength, God knows we're trying, he really does.

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Um, but the struggle is like, we can't change our behavior until our heart changes.

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And so typically that's a sign of there's something underneath the

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surface that still needs healed.

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So we have to ask the Lord to reveal what is the thing underneath the surface that

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needs healed, that needs revealed so that we can truly break free and

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stop going around that mountain.

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Okay.

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So if any of you guys are struggling with that or have your entire lives, just know

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like, God wants you to be free just as much as you want to be free.

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Um, sometimes it's just that we're not asking the right question and there's

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no shame in that because sometimes we don't know the right question.

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And that's why I led out with what I did tonight, asking the Holy spirit to

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show you the why behind the what.

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Okay.

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So we asked the Holy spirit to reveal, reveal these things for healing.

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That's why we talk about that a lot in this course.

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That's why you guys learn and see the revealing for healing cycle.

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I encourage you guys, if you haven't already been doing this with that

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revealing for healing cycle, to actually sit down on a piece of paper

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and like go through those steps.

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If you guys are having areas where God is revealing something, go from step one

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and then ask God to show you the next step and next step and literally help

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yourself walk through that revealing for healing cycle in that area.

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And you will start to, um, experience some change in that.

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Okay.

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So repentance is literally us.

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choosing to come out of agreement with the lies. It's a change of mind and a change of heart.

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Repentance, a lot of people will talk, it is literally making a choice to go the direction

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opposite of where we've been going. Okay. I want to read something really quick. And you guys

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might've already read this. If you're doing your reading, hopefully you're doing the reading just

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as much as watching the videos. Cause it's super important, but I felt led to pull this out

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tonight. Repentance is going to be an ongoing part of your life until every lie is found and

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replaced with the truth. So that's that revealing for healing cycle. Think of it as a GPS that

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continues to adjust and correct your course. You set it to where you want to go. And as you're

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driving along, the GPS says to you, there's a better route available. Do you want to take it?

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This is very similar to how God uses repentance to get us living our best lives and taking the

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best routes to get there. I'm going to skip down a little bit. She says here, this is Jackie talking.

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Let me tell you what a course correction from the father via the Holy spirit looks and sounds like.

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And this is why I'm reading this to you guys tonight. Cause I felt like God said you, some of

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you guys actually need this read over you. It sounds a lot like this. Hey baby girl, you're

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better than this. You don't have to live this way. This is not who I created you to be. Let me teach

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you something new. Sweetheart, you're taking the hard road. Take my hand and I will show you a

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better way. Daughter, you're headed for danger. Listen to me. Trust me. This road is a dead

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end. Stop the car and let me drive. I will get us to safety. So God doesn't come in a demeaning,

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harsh, degrading voice. He's not trying to bring a lot of fear and confusion. He doesn't, he's not

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one that he diminishes us or devalues us. If you hear a lot of that kind of stuff, that is actually

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the enemy talking to you. And you're just so used to it that you now think it is actually God

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speaking to you. And a lot of times if you've gone through any kind of harsh, uh, correction

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and environments growing up, that is how you also hear the Lord. So just keep that in mind.

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So as we lean into that truth, we know that God isn't harsh. He doesn't diminish. He's leading

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us into a better place, a safe place. When he's asking us to repent, he draws us, the word says

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to repentance through his loving kindnesses. So you see the connection there. God is kind. He is

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good. He is faithful. And because he is the, he is those things, I kind of bad grammar there,

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but he leads us and draws us to repentance. He doesn't force us ladies,

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repentance, confession, and forgiveness are a choice. He tells us if we will choose it,

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the blessings that will come, but it's always a choice. Okay. So tonight we're going to talk now

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about confessing your faults. James 5 16 says, therefore confess your sins to each other and pray

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for each other so that you might be healed. The prayer of righteous of a righteous person is

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powerful and effective. So part of what we're going to do, we're not going to jump right into

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the confess your faults to each other. I'm going to give you guys some time to get to know each

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other first tonight, but I want you guys just to start thinking and praying God, like, what is it

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that I need to confess tonight? Okay. That's not going to be your first breakout, but I just want

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that to kind of marinate a little bit. What's an area that you need to come out of shame.

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You need to come out of the shadows, you know, and I will just say this. There are sometimes,

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even in some of the other groups you know, I find that people will be like, you know, I don't,

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I don't have any sin to confess. Well, the Bible says we all have sin to confess and those that

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think they don't woe to them. So we want to be really careful to not get into a heart posture

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in our walk with the Lord that we don't do any wrong. Now I do think, yes, as we live our lives

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more wholly and more, you know, we are staying more connected to the Lord. I think all of us,

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you know, do our best to make healthy choices, but our heart even leads us into wrong attitudes

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and mindsets, sometimes even religious mindsets controlling, you know, the way we think can lead

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us to sin, you know, so just, just be really aware of where, where you are on that gauge.

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If you're in that place of, yeah, I don't have any sin to confess. Again, there's no shame or guilt,

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but I just, I needed to say that scripture because the reality is that's, that's probably pride.

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in ego talking to you. Okay. All right. So your first breakout, you guys are going to,

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what I'm going to do tonight. Um, I'm going to have you guys in the same breakouts all night,

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because I feel, I felt like the Lord told me to do that tonight. Next week, we might be back to

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just doing different people every time, but we're going to do it this way tonight. Breakout. Number

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one, do you beat yourself up when you fail? Do you beat yourself up when you fail? And what are

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some of the things you say to yourself when you fail and you're beating yourself up that you

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shouldn't be saying to yourself that even right now, the Holy spirit's like, yep, you shouldn't,

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maybe even today you said something, you looked in the mirror and you said something negative to

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yourself, or recently you made a mistake somewhere and you just started putting yourself down left

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and right. Or maybe something happened in your family and someone else says this to you a lot.

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And so now you've taken it on yourself and you think it about yourself now. So as you guys go

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in, that's what you're going to be talking about. I'm going to put you guys in there for seven

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minutes. How many do we have? I gotta make sure I watch. Okay. There we go. All right. I think

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we've got it. Last week, it was a little weird. I remember during my daytime on countdown after

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closing. All right, we'll give this one a shot. I might have to fix it when you guys go in the

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next time. All right, there you go. Go ahead and click those to join. I'll be praying for you guys.

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Hello. Hello to all those watching on Facebook. I still see 10 lovely ladies over on Facebook live.

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It's good to see you all. All right, ladies, you'll have to go ahead and click to join your

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breakout group. Oh, I see Jen. Sorry. I got to put you in a room. No, I switched from Facebook to

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Zoom. Oh, that's all right. No, I'm glad you did. All right. There we go. Sorry. My thing is acting

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weird tonight a little bit. There you go. I just put you in room number seven. Yeah, you're welcome.

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Okay. Lachelle, are you able to join the breakout that I sent you? And Susie?

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All right. If anyone else is on Facebook and you're wanting to get in the breakouts,

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you have to jump on the Zoom, the Zoom link. If you scroll up, I put it in the comments

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so you can grab it right from there and jump into the conversation with us here live.

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And yeah, there's a lot of people on here. Welcome. Welcome. And just so you know, you can put your

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takeaways or your comments in the chat and I can comment on those and pray for you guys as well.

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So if you want to jump into the conversation in the comments, do you beat yourself up when

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you fail? And if so, what are some of the things that you say to yourself when you're doing that?

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Yeah. So go ahead and put those in. I'm going to start to pray for you guys. Oh, Susie, that's okay.

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You're still at work. You can just hang out here with me, um, and just listen in. That's totally

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fine. Father, we just thank you for just your amazing grace. Um, that really just works.

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Miracles are our lives. Hi, Jessica. Let me put you in to room.

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I just sent you for room number 18. Go ahead and click to join that.

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Lord, I thank you. Uh, as I was just praying, God, that you cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

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And I thank you, Lord, that you create in us clean hearts of God and renew steadfast

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spirits within us. But Lord, I thank you that the reality is, is we have to give you permission to

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do those things. We partner with you in this, this mission and this life, Lord, I pray that

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you would help us to hear what your spirit is saying to us tonight. Any areas that we need to

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confess and repent of any sin, Lord, help us to have humble hearts and humble attitudes to do

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that. Uh, is it Sherrilyn Graber? It's okay. Um, I know it's a bummer when, when y'all can't join

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on zoom, but just so you know, it's we're okay. We're just glad you're here listening and taking

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in the word of truth any way you can. When the ladies come back, we will have them share and

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participate. Hi, Lachelle. I think it might've maybe kicked you out of the room or something.

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Let's try another one. Are you able to join that room? I just sent you another one.

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All right.

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So Lord, we just thank you also for,

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yes, thank you, Lord, for renewing us and transforming us,

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Lord, every single day that your mercies

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are new every morning.

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God, help us to wake up looking forward to the day

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that we would have hearts that are expectant

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for what you're gonna do in our lives, Lord.

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I thank you, Lord, that even, yeah, Lord,

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your word says that your word is,

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it cuts through bone and marrow.

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And we just thank you, Lord, that that's not,

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you're not doing that to hurt us, God.

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Your word is truth, it's life-giving, God,

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and it's just dividing between the things

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that are not of you and the things that are of you.

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And I pray, Lord, that you would help us

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to better understand what your word is saying to us,

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that we would have ears to hear what your spirit is saying,

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that we would have eyes to see what your spirit sees,

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that you would just transform us from the inside out

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with the love of Christ, that we would walk in the light

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as you, Jesus, are in the light.

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And I thank you that you would help us

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to be in relationship with you, Jesus, as you are one,

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that we would be one with you as you are one with the Father.

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And I thank you that every single day

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you would draw us into just a little bit deeper understanding

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of your love for us, of your grace and your forgiveness,

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God, that you separate our sins

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as far as the East is from the West

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when we confess them to you, God,

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and you make them like they never happened.

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And we're just so grateful, Jesus,

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that you died on the cross,

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you allowed your body to be broken

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for the forgiveness of our sins,

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for our freedom, for our redemption, for our healing.

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God, yes, for our reconciliation, Lord,

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I just declare right now over all those

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that are watching the replay or even here live,

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I just speak in the name of Jesus Christ,

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a spirit of reconciliation, a spirit of peace.

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Yes, Lord, I bind and I break in Jesus' name

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any spirit of unforgiveness,

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any spirits of bitterness and resentment, Lord.

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Yes, Lord, let your peace rule and reign.

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God is the Prince of Peace

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and he brings peace everywhere he goes.

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And we just thank you, God,

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that you walk with us and you talk with us

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and that you've gone before us into every situation.

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Hi, Melissa Pearson,

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I see that you're driving and can't join.

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That's okay, I'm glad you're here.

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Hi, Lizzie.

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Lizzie says, I do beat myself up.

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I have thoughts that I should have done better

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or that I need to do better.

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So what's really cool

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is even when you guys are joining on Facebook,

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when you share and jump into the comments,

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hi, Ingrid, I'll put you in a breakout room here.

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They're talking about when you fail,

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do you beat yourself up?

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Go ahead and join that room.

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They have a few more minutes, maybe like a minute.

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When we do have thoughts like this,

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like I should have done better,

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we have to really ask, lean in and ask the Lord,

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okay, where did that come from?

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Is that just a thought we've always had?

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Or is that a thought that the enemy,

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so to see through someone else,

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or even our own like pressure that kids feel

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when we're growing up and birth orders and all,

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I mean, there's so many different things

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that come into play,

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but along the way, we pick that up somewhere.

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So God's not saying we have to keep carrying that stuff

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or keep having those filters that we hear life through

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and experience life through.

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So I would encourage Lizzie or anybody else,

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if that's something that you commonly

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have those kinds of thoughts when you make mistakes,

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what does the father wanna say to you?

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What does he wanna say to you in that area?

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What truth does he want to bring

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and what life does he wanna bring?

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Sorry, I'm getting distracted a little bit by my things,

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my little reminders are popping up here,

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but he wants to heal us and he wants to restore and redeem

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and set us free from negative self-talk

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and beating ourselves up,

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because anytime, this is what just came to mind,

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if we're trying to drive forward,

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those negative self-talk and all that stuff,

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actually, it gets us backward,

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like we're looking backwards, backward facing,

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it takes us in the opposite direction

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of where we want to go and where we are supposed to go.

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So we really need to pay attention

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to the thoughts that we're thinking.

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One of the things I tell people a lot is,

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and this is, probably other people have had this revelation,

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but God started speaking this to me years ago,

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when I have a thought,

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I don't always need to own that thought as my own.

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I need to say, okay, God, is this your thought?

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Is this my thought?

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Or is this a thought from the enemy?

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And I might've even told you guys that last week

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and you'll probably hear it again,

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but it really can bring so much freedom in life

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when we just slow down and start paying attention

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to what we're thinking.

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about and where did it originally come from?

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Welcome back, everybody.

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While you guys were in there,

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I was talking to some of the ladies

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that are on Facebook Live right now,

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praying for you guys.

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And so welcome back.

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Who wants to be the first one,

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or who is willing to share with the whole group

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what you shared in your private breakout group?

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I can share.

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Go ahead.

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Thank you.

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I just shared with the girls in my group that,

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and I don't know if I should share for them as well,

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but for myself, I know that I beat myself up a lot

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because I have, people will tell me,

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hey, don't be so hard on yourself.

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And I don't even know that I'm being hard on myself.

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I think it's just something I've always,

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it's just a learned behavior.

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And I've done it for so long,

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I don't even realize until someone says it to me.

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And so, and I didn't really know exactly

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what words I say to myself.

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I know how I feel.

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I know I feel like I've messed something up,

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like someone can always do it better.

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I'm not good enough.

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I feel those things.

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And so, I know even if I'm not saying those things

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to myself, I'm basically agreeing with them.

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So, that's kind of what our group talked about.

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And just even one of the gals shared

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that she felt she was concerned that people,

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the things that she was thinking about herself,

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others were thinking, whether that was true or not,

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she had that pressure of worrying about that.

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And yeah, so we all kind of,

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pretty much all of us felt the same.

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That's so good, Sandra.

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Thanks for sharing and jumping in to be the first one.

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And I appreciate that you didn't,

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like you did share a little bit, but you never said names.

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It's always good for you all

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to let the other people share for themselves.

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So, like that was a perfect share.

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Like you still shared some,

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but not sharing each other's names

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because we want to let that person share for themselves.

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I love what you said too,

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about how sometimes you don't even recognize

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that you're doing it, but other people are saying,

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hey, don't be so hard on yourself.

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And so, I wonder ladies, what would happen

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if we actually recorded ourselves all day long?

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Like if we could actually record our thoughts

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and even things that we say out loud,

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like would we want our kids to think

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and talk about themselves that way

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for those that have kids,

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or maybe some of you guys have sisters,

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like, would you want your sister

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to think about herself that way

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or talk about herself that way?

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So, we want to like, hey,

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I had someone in one of my mentor training groups

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that I was leading and she just said like,

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stop talking to yourself like that.

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Kind of like treating herself

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like she was the big sister telling the,

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you know, not like she was separating from herself,

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but like her inside, that inner critic,

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like to stop talking to herself that way.

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And so, I think sometimes

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that can be really beneficial, ladies,

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when we really do that self-talk where you're jumping in

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and you're like, wait a minute, no.

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Like, this is who I am.

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This is what I think about myself.

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And then you said, someone can always do it better.

451
00:33:37.920 --> 00:33:40.680
I'm curious, okay, the four ladies

452
00:33:40.680 --> 00:33:43.200
that have your hand raised, stay there.

453
00:33:43.200 --> 00:33:45.880
I don't want to lose you because I see you.

454
00:33:45.880 --> 00:33:49.160
But who else has ever had a thought like that?

455
00:33:49.880 --> 00:33:51.040
Someone else can do it better than me.

456
00:33:51.040 --> 00:33:52.440
Raise your hand if that's you.

457
00:33:52.440 --> 00:33:54.200
Does that apply to anyone else?

458
00:33:56.360 --> 00:33:57.200
Yeah.

459
00:33:58.640 --> 00:34:01.640
And it's not bad for us to consider the fact

460
00:34:01.640 --> 00:34:05.840
that maybe somebody can do something better.

461
00:34:05.840 --> 00:34:08.080
I think that we could always feel that way,

462
00:34:08.080 --> 00:34:11.120
but the reality is, is that why,

463
00:34:11.120 --> 00:34:15.199
where did this inner voice that puts us down

464
00:34:15.199 --> 00:34:17.320
and shames us come from?

465
00:34:17.320 --> 00:34:18.440
And that's what I was talking about

466
00:34:18.719 --> 00:34:19.719
before you guys came back.

467
00:34:19.719 --> 00:34:21.760
So really asking yourself good questions,

468
00:34:21.760 --> 00:34:23.840
like where did this start for me?

469
00:34:24.679 --> 00:34:28.080
Like, you know, did someone say this to me?

470
00:34:28.080 --> 00:34:29.880
Did I say this to myself?

471
00:34:29.880 --> 00:34:33.320
Did I put like expectations and pressure on myself

472
00:34:33.320 --> 00:34:37.360
because I thought other people had those expectations of me?

473
00:34:37.360 --> 00:34:40.880
And then when you mentioned about the person in your group,

474
00:34:40.880 --> 00:34:44.639
one of the things I want to, and this might sound harsh,

475
00:34:44.639 --> 00:34:46.639
but know it's with a lot of love

476
00:34:46.639 --> 00:34:49.880
and know that I ended up at one point,

477
00:34:49.880 --> 00:34:51.280
I don't remember who taught it,

478
00:34:51.280 --> 00:34:53.199
but I heard it from someone else.

479
00:34:53.199 --> 00:34:54.760
But like the reality is you all,

480
00:34:54.760 --> 00:34:57.600
people don't think about us as much as we think they do.

481
00:34:58.560 --> 00:34:59.400
They don't.

482
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.700
And a lot of times the enemy will tell us that they do that.

483
00:35:04.700 --> 00:35:05.700
They're talking about us.

484
00:35:05.700 --> 00:35:06.300
They're doing this.

485
00:35:06.600 --> 00:35:09.300
And now in reality, there are some people that they do those

486
00:35:09.300 --> 00:35:10.100
things, right?

487
00:35:10.800 --> 00:35:16.400
But a lot of times it's the enemy trying to cause anxiety

488
00:35:16.400 --> 00:35:20.800
and panic and fear and worry because if he can get us into

489
00:35:20.800 --> 00:35:24.400
that then we're out of the flow of the Holy Spirit and truth

490
00:35:24.400 --> 00:35:28.300
and life and hope and freedom, right?

491
00:35:28.700 --> 00:35:32.100
So if he can get us into anxiousness and worry and fear and

492
00:35:32.100 --> 00:35:36.100
panic all the what ifs what if what if then all the other

493
00:35:36.100 --> 00:35:39.600
flow of the Holy Spirit gets stunted the river kind of gets

494
00:35:39.700 --> 00:35:42.600
all kind of dammed up and stopped up if you will.

495
00:35:42.900 --> 00:35:45.000
Okay, so I just wanted to put that out there.

496
00:35:45.700 --> 00:35:46.300
All right.

497
00:35:46.300 --> 00:35:49.900
I think I saw Samantha next am I is that right?

498
00:35:50.000 --> 00:35:51.600
Yes, Samantha and then Teagan.

499
00:35:53.000 --> 00:35:57.600
Yeah, we were just talking about how like if we mess up

500
00:35:58.600 --> 00:36:01.400
I know for me like if I mess something up like oh my gosh,

501
00:36:01.400 --> 00:36:02.300
I'm such an idiot.

502
00:36:02.300 --> 00:36:05.900
Like I'm so stupid but then like if I had a friend or a

503
00:36:05.900 --> 00:36:09.000
co-worker who did something like the same thing or something

504
00:36:09.000 --> 00:36:09.400
similar.

505
00:36:09.400 --> 00:36:10.800
I wouldn't like you're such an idiot.

506
00:36:10.800 --> 00:36:11.700
Like why would you do that?

507
00:36:11.700 --> 00:36:12.800
Like that would be horrible.

508
00:36:12.800 --> 00:36:15.200
Like I might I might think that and that's horrible too, but

509
00:36:15.200 --> 00:36:19.500
I would never say it or even like like just sometimes I'll

510
00:36:19.500 --> 00:36:19.800
get up.

511
00:36:19.800 --> 00:36:20.400
I'll look in the mirror.

512
00:36:20.400 --> 00:36:23.300
I'm like, oh my God, I'm so ugly but I'm like, I wouldn't

513
00:36:23.300 --> 00:36:24.400
say that to somebody else.

514
00:36:24.400 --> 00:36:27.400
Like, you know, it's just like why do I talk to myself that

515
00:36:27.400 --> 00:36:29.900
way but you know, I should talk to myself like I talked to

516
00:36:29.900 --> 00:36:30.600
other people.

517
00:36:30.600 --> 00:36:32.500
So we just kind of discussed that.

518
00:36:32.500 --> 00:36:36.100
Yeah, and and y'all think about it this way too.

519
00:36:36.100 --> 00:36:40.300
If we're thinking those things like about ourselves and we're

520
00:36:40.300 --> 00:36:41.600
talking to ourselves that way.

521
00:36:41.600 --> 00:36:42.400
Guess what?

522
00:36:42.400 --> 00:36:43.200
We're going to attract.

523
00:36:44.500 --> 00:36:46.800
We're going to attract people that treat us that way and talk

524
00:36:46.800 --> 00:36:48.300
to us that way for real.

525
00:36:48.300 --> 00:36:52.200
So we have to change the way that we're thinking about ourselves

526
00:36:52.200 --> 00:36:55.400
the way that we're talking about ourselves so that we attract

527
00:36:55.500 --> 00:36:59.600
healthier people that will treat us the way that we need to be

528
00:36:59.600 --> 00:37:03.700
treated, but we've got to treat ourselves that way we do and

529
00:37:03.700 --> 00:37:07.600
then all the other good things will come, you know, I will

530
00:37:07.600 --> 00:37:12.700
also say again, if you are any of us if we're saying things

531
00:37:12.700 --> 00:37:16.400
like you're so stupid or you're such an idiot where like where

532
00:37:16.400 --> 00:37:17.000
did that come from?

533
00:37:18.900 --> 00:37:22.700
And when did you partner with that lie the first time?

534
00:37:22.700 --> 00:37:23.300
Okay.

535
00:37:23.700 --> 00:37:24.900
All right, go ahead to again.

536
00:37:28.700 --> 00:37:32.700
So, I mean, I think a lot that has been shared is very similar

537
00:37:32.700 --> 00:37:35.600
to what was discussed, but I just wanted to add something that

538
00:37:35.600 --> 00:37:41.200
was a revelation that I had a few months ago and related to this

539
00:37:41.200 --> 00:37:44.200
and how the verse, you know, that says love your neighbor as

540
00:37:44.200 --> 00:37:46.900
yourself became really convicting.

541
00:37:46.900 --> 00:37:51.700
Once I had these this revelation that like I'm not I am speaking

542
00:37:51.700 --> 00:37:55.400
very ugly things to myself and in being way too hard on myself

543
00:37:55.700 --> 00:38:00.000
again in ways that I wouldn't be to others and if I can't love

544
00:38:00.000 --> 00:38:05.400
myself, well, I'm I'm not loving others as well as I could

545
00:38:05.400 --> 00:38:08.400
because my love for myself is just like in the dumps.

546
00:38:09.300 --> 00:38:14.500
So I just that verse has a whole new meaning after this

547
00:38:14.500 --> 00:38:15.200
revelation.

548
00:38:15.700 --> 00:38:17.000
Yes, that's so good Tegan.

549
00:38:17.000 --> 00:38:18.300
Thank you for bringing that up.

550
00:38:18.600 --> 00:38:23.400
And again, if we want to be able to love our neighbors if we

551
00:38:23.400 --> 00:38:26.600
want to be able to really love our spirit mate and show up

552
00:38:26.600 --> 00:38:30.800
fully not just show up as part of ourselves, but our full

553
00:38:30.800 --> 00:38:35.000
selves loving ourselves first is going to be key to that.

554
00:38:35.200 --> 00:38:35.700
Okay.

555
00:38:36.000 --> 00:38:36.400
All right.

556
00:38:36.400 --> 00:38:39.200
I have time for two more Beth and Sabrina.

557
00:38:39.200 --> 00:38:42.800
I had four ladies before we started the hands raised.

558
00:38:42.800 --> 00:38:45.400
So I'll do all four of those and then we've got to move to

559
00:38:45.400 --> 00:38:46.600
the next section.

560
00:38:46.600 --> 00:38:47.300
Go ahead Beth.

561
00:38:48.800 --> 00:38:56.800
Okay, so I'll try and kind of condense what we talked about

562
00:38:56.800 --> 00:38:57.400
a little bit.

563
00:38:57.600 --> 00:39:01.100
One of the things that we said was that it's easier to have

564
00:39:01.100 --> 00:39:03.900
compassion for other people than it is for us to have compassion

565
00:39:03.900 --> 00:39:04.700
for ourselves.

566
00:39:05.500 --> 00:39:08.900
So like when we mess up it's easier to be harder on ourselves

567
00:39:08.900 --> 00:39:12.800
and think badly about ourselves than if a co-worker or somebody

568
00:39:12.800 --> 00:39:16.800
had made that same mistake and then also kind of the idea

569
00:39:16.800 --> 00:39:24.200
that it's easier to beat ourselves up when our failures are

570
00:39:24.200 --> 00:39:27.200
public versus when they're more personal sin.

571
00:39:27.200 --> 00:39:30.900
So I kind of use the example of like if I messed up at work

572
00:39:30.900 --> 00:39:35.600
or at school or with my family, it's much more comfortable

573
00:39:35.600 --> 00:39:40.100
I guess for me to be harder on myself and voice that than

574
00:39:40.100 --> 00:39:41.700
it is to be hard on myself.

575
00:39:41.700 --> 00:39:45.400
If I, you know, say a curse word or think something judgy

576
00:39:45.400 --> 00:39:50.700
about somebody else and they should carry equal weight, but

577
00:39:50.700 --> 00:39:54.200
it's easier to be hard on ourselves when it's public.

578
00:39:54.700 --> 00:39:59.000
And when you were talking earlier Bethany about like what

579
00:39:59.000 --> 00:40:00.000
would how would we

580
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:05.040
feel if our sister or kids talked about themselves the way that we talk about ourselves. That's

581
00:40:05.040 --> 00:40:12.480
something that I shared in my group, which was that it became very blatant and in my face

582
00:40:13.520 --> 00:40:18.880
when I started this challenge and experience was that I'll notice that my kids are saying

583
00:40:18.880 --> 00:40:25.680
stuff like I'm stupid or I'm not smart enough or I'm a bad kid, I'm a bad daughter, I'm a bad sister

584
00:40:26.480 --> 00:40:34.240
and that's all stuff that I say to myself, which is like I'm a bad mom or I'm a bad friend because

585
00:40:34.240 --> 00:40:40.240
I didn't reach out to somebody or I'm stupid because I burned myself on the oven or whatever

586
00:40:40.240 --> 00:40:46.320
it is and that was very like in your face, hey pay attention to this, stop talking about yourself

587
00:40:46.320 --> 00:40:50.800
this way because all I want to do when I hear my kids say that is jump to them and be like stop

588
00:40:50.800 --> 00:40:55.840
that, you're not, I promise you're not, it's a mistake, accidents happen, but I don't treat

589
00:40:55.840 --> 00:41:02.800
myself with that same grace and so that was very eye-opening and kind of a slap in the face

590
00:41:04.160 --> 00:41:12.080
but in a loving way I think. Yeah and man there was some a release, I don't know if you felt it

591
00:41:12.080 --> 00:41:20.480
when you were talking about just you know you're when you said about being a bad daughter or being

592
00:41:20.480 --> 00:41:27.040
a bad friend you know what if what if we shift this way ladies, if we make a mistake and maybe

593
00:41:27.040 --> 00:41:32.880
we didn't show up for our friend in the way that we had intended to or let's just use that example

594
00:41:32.880 --> 00:41:40.720
instead of saying I'm a bad friend what if we just say man I could have made a healthier choice today

595
00:41:42.160 --> 00:41:49.600
you see the difference it's an identity statement versus just a statement about a decision that

596
00:41:49.600 --> 00:41:57.200
should have maybe been different or could have been made different it's really easy for us to

597
00:41:57.200 --> 00:42:02.560
step into shooting on ourselves and shooting on other people and yes I'm not saying the bad word

598
00:42:02.560 --> 00:42:08.480
I'm saying s-h-o-u-l-d but somebody said that to me years ago and it's always stuck with me

599
00:42:09.200 --> 00:42:16.240
you know don't shoot on other people and don't let them shoot on us we have to live out of like

600
00:42:16.240 --> 00:42:22.960
lord you know if you want me to apologize you know let me make it right to my friend and then

601
00:42:22.960 --> 00:42:30.800
show up and do that but when we start labeling that we're good or bad okay that came from somewhere

602
00:42:31.600 --> 00:42:37.040
so where did that come from and if we make a mistake like think about this like you said if

603
00:42:37.040 --> 00:42:43.120
I make a mistake and I burn my hand on the stove I think is what you said and then you call yourself

604
00:42:43.120 --> 00:42:49.600
stupid for that y'all that stuff doesn't just come from being an adult and calling yourself stupid

605
00:42:50.240 --> 00:42:56.400
that was planted in you somewhere so ask the holy spirit to show you where that came from

606
00:42:56.960 --> 00:43:01.360
and and to help you come out of alignment and agreement with that because that isn't who you

607
00:43:01.360 --> 00:43:08.080
are and that isn't who your daddy says that you are either okay all right awesome all right

608
00:43:08.080 --> 00:43:15.280
Sabrina go ahead um I'll try to be quick um so one thing you know I shared in my group was

609
00:43:16.080 --> 00:43:23.120
um you know how much I I I hate to to fail um to the point where I'm like I try to look and

610
00:43:23.120 --> 00:43:29.120
see okay what do I do so that the person doesn't have to reject me basically it has nothing to do

611
00:43:29.120 --> 00:43:33.680
with I don't care about game if I'm playing a game or you know we're hanging out that doesn't

612
00:43:33.680 --> 00:43:39.920
matter because that's all in fun but when it comes to like you know something professionally

613
00:43:39.920 --> 00:43:45.520
or relationship it's kind of like I feel like a major failure because at the root and some of the

614
00:43:45.520 --> 00:43:49.600
things I've been working through even during the heart work during the week is it's attached to

615
00:43:49.600 --> 00:43:55.840
feeling like feelings of rejection or like feelings of abandonment so I'm like no I if anybody says

616
00:43:55.840 --> 00:44:02.160
you know no or something doesn't work out I'm like oh man that's a fail I was rejected and then

617
00:44:02.160 --> 00:44:07.200
that's the message that you know I start playing in myself so I've I've kind of feel like I've

618
00:44:07.200 --> 00:44:12.720
identified like a lot of my root or my problem where I get so stuck and I'm always trying to

619
00:44:13.520 --> 00:44:17.920
find ways to mitigate okay how can I submit this proposal the best way so that they don't have a

620
00:44:17.920 --> 00:44:24.080
chance to say no so it but it's all so that I don't feel rejected and I'm trying to shift that

621
00:44:24.080 --> 00:44:30.080
in the sense like if it doesn't work out it just means okay maybe God has something different for

622
00:44:30.080 --> 00:44:34.720
you or maybe this isn't the right timing or this I'm you know God is protecting me or preserving

623
00:44:34.720 --> 00:44:42.560
me from something so I'm trying to fix that but at the core my failure or my feelings of failure or

624
00:44:42.560 --> 00:44:48.960
fear of failure comes from just honestly not wanting to feel rejected thank you so much for

625
00:44:48.960 --> 00:44:53.440
sharing I don't know if you see in the chat but a lot several ladies are chiming in saying they

626
00:44:53.440 --> 00:44:59.200
resonate with what you're saying that you know they feel the same thing that kind of thing I think

627
00:44:59.200 --> 00:44:59.920
a lot of us

628
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.600
Let's try to avoid rejection.

629
00:45:03.600 --> 00:45:05.520
And then you're over-correcting.

630
00:45:05.520 --> 00:45:08.440
And actually, you know, even Jackie talks a lot about

631
00:45:08.440 --> 00:45:11.020
any kind of gift ever extended

632
00:45:11.020 --> 00:45:13.040
is gonna get us into trouble, ladies.

633
00:45:13.040 --> 00:45:18.040
So, you know, there's never going to be a perfect scenario

634
00:45:18.280 --> 00:45:22.960
where like every single person is going to like us,

635
00:45:24.040 --> 00:45:27.600
that every single presentation is gonna be perfect.

636
00:45:27.600 --> 00:45:29.280
So what we need to look at

637
00:45:29.280 --> 00:45:32.120
when we have those kinds of things happening is,

638
00:45:32.120 --> 00:45:34.440
you know, again, all of this goes all the way back.

639
00:45:34.440 --> 00:45:35.680
Okay, when did this happen?

640
00:45:35.680 --> 00:45:36.520
Lord, reveal that.

641
00:45:36.520 --> 00:45:38.640
But what I wrote down when you were sharing

642
00:45:38.640 --> 00:45:41.080
was core identity.

643
00:45:41.080 --> 00:45:43.240
Like at the core,

644
00:45:43.240 --> 00:45:48.240
somewhere we believe we're worth rejecting.

645
00:45:50.880 --> 00:45:54.320
Somewhere in the core, we believe that

646
00:45:54.320 --> 00:45:56.360
if we're not perfect,

647
00:45:57.640 --> 00:46:00.120
the people in our lives are gonna abandon us

648
00:46:00.120 --> 00:46:01.400
or we're gonna lose a job

649
00:46:01.400 --> 00:46:03.320
or whatever the scenario is

650
00:46:03.320 --> 00:46:05.500
that leads to the lie of abandonment.

651
00:46:06.760 --> 00:46:08.400
And so I just want to encourage you guys,

652
00:46:08.400 --> 00:46:11.880
if that is one of your battles and struggles,

653
00:46:11.880 --> 00:46:13.800
I want you this week to really lean in

654
00:46:13.800 --> 00:46:16.440
and ask the Holy Spirit to show you who,

655
00:46:16.440 --> 00:46:19.180
like who you are in Christ,

656
00:46:19.180 --> 00:46:22.100
like more of your identity

657
00:46:22.100 --> 00:46:24.600
to really start getting rooted in.

658
00:46:24.600 --> 00:46:27.140
And again, you know, Jackie says from the beginning,

659
00:46:27.140 --> 00:46:28.820
we can know it up here.

660
00:46:28.820 --> 00:46:30.420
I mean, some of you guys, you know,

661
00:46:30.420 --> 00:46:31.940
you know the Bible in and out,

662
00:46:31.940 --> 00:46:34.740
you can quote scripture all day long to yourself,

663
00:46:34.740 --> 00:46:38.700
but your heart doesn't really believe it yet.

664
00:46:39.700 --> 00:46:41.400
And so what is it like,

665
00:46:41.400 --> 00:46:44.500
Lord help me to know what is gonna take it

666
00:46:44.500 --> 00:46:47.720
to get it from up here to down in my heart,

667
00:46:47.720 --> 00:46:51.720
down in my soul where I know who I am in Christ.

668
00:46:52.340 --> 00:46:53.720
I know my value.

669
00:46:53.720 --> 00:46:56.160
I know that even if I make a mistake,

670
00:46:56.160 --> 00:46:58.840
like I still have the same amount of value

671
00:47:00.880 --> 00:47:05.360
and I can still be loved and totally, fully,

672
00:47:05.360 --> 00:47:08.960
unconditionally embraced and loved and accepted

673
00:47:08.960 --> 00:47:12.100
even when I make a mistake.

674
00:47:13.540 --> 00:47:16.440
But see, that's the stuff we don't really fully know

675
00:47:16.440 --> 00:47:17.800
and believe.

676
00:47:17.800 --> 00:47:21.000
And that's why the enemy can come right in

677
00:47:21.000 --> 00:47:24.760
and get us into these hypervigilant control modes

678
00:47:24.760 --> 00:47:28.400
because we're so afraid that that stuff's gonna fall apart

679
00:47:28.400 --> 00:47:30.000
and then what?

680
00:47:30.000 --> 00:47:33.060
But see, God wants us to let that stuff kind of,

681
00:47:33.060 --> 00:47:35.640
not that he wants us to let our whole lives go, ladies,

682
00:47:35.640 --> 00:47:37.380
don't hear what I'm not saying,

683
00:47:37.380 --> 00:47:42.380
but to let that stuff go so that we can really,

684
00:47:43.000 --> 00:47:45.860
like what's really going on underneath the surface.

685
00:47:46.800 --> 00:47:48.480
I wanna mention one other thing

686
00:47:48.480 --> 00:47:49.620
and then we're gonna move on.

687
00:47:49.620 --> 00:47:52.940
I know that Marsha put in there somewhere

688
00:47:52.940 --> 00:47:56.080
about not focusing too much on ourselves.

689
00:47:57.300 --> 00:47:58.660
No, yeah, of course.

690
00:47:58.660 --> 00:48:00.140
We don't wanna get out of balance

691
00:48:00.140 --> 00:48:02.500
where we're always focusing on ourselves,

692
00:48:02.500 --> 00:48:06.180
but I will just say this,

693
00:48:06.180 --> 00:48:09.340
when I hear those kinds of comments come up,

694
00:48:09.340 --> 00:48:13.740
it's often because people have been really indoctrinated

695
00:48:13.740 --> 00:48:14.780
with religion.

696
00:48:15.660 --> 00:48:17.420
And I don't mean that to sound harsh,

697
00:48:17.420 --> 00:48:20.340
but it's just, I came out of a lot of religious.

698
00:48:20.340 --> 00:48:21.980
I love my old church.

699
00:48:21.980 --> 00:48:23.180
They were amazing.

700
00:48:23.180 --> 00:48:25.420
That's where I got my discipleship start.

701
00:48:25.420 --> 00:48:28.100
I mean, I speak super highly of them,

702
00:48:28.100 --> 00:48:31.760
but the reality is it was a very religious background

703
00:48:31.760 --> 00:48:34.620
as well and I had to come out of a lot of that stuff.

704
00:48:36.100 --> 00:48:38.220
And I remember the first time someone said to me,

705
00:48:38.220 --> 00:48:41.540
like, don't get so focused on yourself all the time though.

706
00:48:41.540 --> 00:48:46.420
Well, I wasn't, but God was trying to heal myself.

707
00:48:46.420 --> 00:48:48.500
He was trying to help me heal.

708
00:48:48.500 --> 00:48:49.860
And in order to do that,

709
00:48:49.860 --> 00:48:53.260
we have to be able and willing to take a season.

710
00:48:53.260 --> 00:48:55.380
This is the season you're in.

711
00:48:55.380 --> 00:48:59.380
You're in a season of looking at what's going on within

712
00:48:59.380 --> 00:49:02.260
so that you can heal and become stronger

713
00:49:02.260 --> 00:49:06.680
so that you can love on the people out there, right?

714
00:49:06.680 --> 00:49:08.800
All right, let's start moving on.

715
00:49:08.800 --> 00:49:12.460
We're gonna talk next about a couple of things.

716
00:49:12.460 --> 00:49:14.060
I wanna share a couple of things

717
00:49:14.060 --> 00:49:16.060
before I put you in your next breakout.

718
00:49:17.220 --> 00:49:20.100
When we don't confess our sins,

719
00:49:20.100 --> 00:49:24.120
we remain tethered to them, okay?

720
00:49:24.120 --> 00:49:27.380
Have you ever seen a tether ball?

721
00:49:27.380 --> 00:49:28.900
I don't know, on a playground, y'all,

722
00:49:28.900 --> 00:49:31.260
where the tether ball, it's a ball and it has a rope

723
00:49:31.260 --> 00:49:32.460
and it's hooked to a pole.

724
00:49:32.460 --> 00:49:34.100
Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

725
00:49:34.100 --> 00:49:35.060
Okay, all right.

726
00:49:35.060 --> 00:49:37.360
Just wanna make sure some people at least know.

727
00:49:38.700 --> 00:49:40.540
So that's what the kind of the visual

728
00:49:40.540 --> 00:49:41.860
I want you to think about.

729
00:49:42.460 --> 00:49:46.140
When we, any of us, don't confess our sins,

730
00:49:46.140 --> 00:49:49.320
we're like that ball that's always stuck to the pole.

731
00:49:49.320 --> 00:49:53.500
And no matter how much we wanna move and get away,

732
00:49:53.500 --> 00:49:55.500
we're always stuck to the pole.

733
00:49:55.500 --> 00:49:57.500
So same thing with forgiveness.

734
00:49:57.500 --> 00:49:59.020
We'll talk about that next week.

735
00:49:59.020 --> 00:50:00.140
It'll come back up.

736
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.880
Um, so it's really important that if you're saying you want to be free, you want to move

737
00:50:05.880 --> 00:50:06.880
forward in your life.

738
00:50:06.880 --> 00:50:08.980
You want to attract your spirit mate.

739
00:50:08.980 --> 00:50:12.940
We have to be willing to confess the things that are hidden.

740
00:50:12.940 --> 00:50:16.860
We need to be willing to forgive people in all the things.

741
00:50:16.860 --> 00:50:22.080
First John one verse nine says, if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just, and we'll

742
00:50:22.080 --> 00:50:26.800
forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

743
00:50:26.800 --> 00:50:32.520
So as you guys go into this breakout, I want you to be thinking about a couple of things.

744
00:50:32.520 --> 00:50:33.520
Confessing the whole story.

745
00:50:33.520 --> 00:50:37.720
Now, when I say that, I'm not asking you guys to give every gory detail.

746
00:50:37.720 --> 00:50:42.040
And in tonight, when you share is going to be different than your journaling time.

747
00:50:42.040 --> 00:50:43.040
Okay.

748
00:50:43.040 --> 00:50:45.600
Tonight, when you share, you're not trying to throw up on people.

749
00:50:45.600 --> 00:50:48.560
And I don't mean that bad either, but sometimes we do that, right?

750
00:50:48.560 --> 00:50:50.400
I've done it.

751
00:50:50.400 --> 00:50:55.800
Everybody at some point I think has done it, but you don't want to sugarcoat it either.

752
00:50:55.800 --> 00:50:57.640
You want to just be genuine.

753
00:50:57.640 --> 00:51:03.680
If you're the villain in the story, confess it in your small group tonight.

754
00:51:03.680 --> 00:51:08.000
And then also, um, just being really honest with yourself, being honest with God, being

755
00:51:08.000 --> 00:51:09.720
honest with other people.

756
00:51:09.720 --> 00:51:13.680
And then one of the last things, um, there's a couple other things I want to give you guys

757
00:51:13.680 --> 00:51:16.680
before you go into this.

758
00:51:16.680 --> 00:51:18.920
We want to own our side of the street.

759
00:51:18.920 --> 00:51:19.920
Okay.

760
00:51:19.920 --> 00:51:21.060
So what do I mean by that?

761
00:51:21.060 --> 00:51:23.040
This does not apply to abuse victims.

762
00:51:23.040 --> 00:51:24.040
Okay.

763
00:51:24.280 --> 00:51:28.720
This does not apply to abuse victims that I'm not talking to you, but when we make a

764
00:51:28.720 --> 00:51:38.540
choice and it leads to negative consequences, both people that were a part of that decision

765
00:51:38.540 --> 00:51:43.260
have some, some part of that thing happening, right?

766
00:51:43.260 --> 00:51:47.760
So I think if I remember correctly, I shared with you guys in my first, the first week

767
00:51:47.760 --> 00:51:54.640
when I led the APM session, when I went into that original, um, or the relationship that

768
00:51:54.640 --> 00:52:00.560
I was in, uh, several years ago, before I married my husband, um, you know, God was

769
00:52:00.560 --> 00:52:07.960
showing me red flags and I kept going owning my side of the street was yes, that, that

770
00:52:07.960 --> 00:52:09.360
guy betrayed me.

771
00:52:09.360 --> 00:52:11.120
He cheated on me multiple times.

772
00:52:11.120 --> 00:52:13.480
He was verbally, emotionally, mentally abusive.

773
00:52:13.480 --> 00:52:21.080
He had all kinds of issues, but why did I choose him?

774
00:52:21.080 --> 00:52:28.040
And why did I go past the red flags when God was showing them to me, I had to own my side

775
00:52:28.040 --> 00:52:29.480
of the street.

776
00:52:29.480 --> 00:52:30.680
Okay.

777
00:52:30.680 --> 00:52:32.240
And so that's what I mean.

778
00:52:32.240 --> 00:52:38.800
So if you were a part of some kind of decision, what is, what is your side of the street?

779
00:52:38.800 --> 00:52:46.360
And then also when you tell stories and you confess a sin to another person, or even between

780
00:52:46.360 --> 00:52:53.400
you and God, are there any details that you change out of shame?

781
00:52:53.400 --> 00:52:58.720
If so, we want to encourage you to not do that anymore.

782
00:52:58.720 --> 00:53:04.000
Jackie tells a story, uh, I don't know if it's in your all's videos or not, but, uh,

783
00:53:04.000 --> 00:53:09.360
about just, she changed her age and her story.

784
00:53:09.360 --> 00:53:12.240
And it wasn't even intentional at first.

785
00:53:12.240 --> 00:53:20.560
Um, but when she tells the story now, the age, you know, 12 versus 13, while at 13,

786
00:53:20.560 --> 00:53:23.960
you're a teenager, you know, more.

787
00:53:23.960 --> 00:53:27.600
And so she shares it way better, but there's just different things.

788
00:53:27.600 --> 00:53:30.520
Sometimes the enemy will, will change this aspect.

789
00:53:30.520 --> 00:53:34.240
Don't really tell them this because if you really tell them this, then they're not going

790
00:53:34.240 --> 00:53:37.320
to like you or they won't accept you or they won't love you.

791
00:53:37.320 --> 00:53:42.880
Whatever it is that the enemy says, we want to come out of fighting and out from under

792
00:53:42.880 --> 00:53:48.800
shame and be who we really are ladies and let people love you.

793
00:53:48.800 --> 00:53:50.720
There's an amazing group that we have.

794
00:53:50.720 --> 00:53:55.360
We have 107 women on here tonight.

795
00:53:55.360 --> 00:53:57.160
It's going to be great.

796
00:53:57.160 --> 00:54:01.680
And some of you guys are probably feel on that panic, but just like, don't lean into

797
00:54:01.680 --> 00:54:06.560
that, lean into the Lord and lean into your sister, a sister squad tonight.

798
00:54:06.560 --> 00:54:07.560
Okay.

799
00:54:07.560 --> 00:54:10.600
So what is God nudging you to confess tonight?

800
00:54:10.600 --> 00:54:13.640
That's your breakout that you're going into right now.

801
00:54:13.640 --> 00:54:21.440
All right, here you go.

802
00:54:21.440 --> 00:54:26.880
Oh, I see a few of you need a sign.

803
00:54:26.880 --> 00:54:27.880
Hold on one second.

804
00:54:27.880 --> 00:54:36.080
I had to wait until the screen stops moving.

805
00:54:36.080 --> 00:54:37.080
Sorry, guys.

806
00:54:37.080 --> 00:54:38.080
There we go.

807
00:54:38.080 --> 00:54:39.080
Okay.

808
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:16.000
I'm going to share my screen.

809
00:55:16.000 --> 00:55:28.000
Darla, I sent you an invite just a minute ago to go into breakout session room.

810
00:55:28.000 --> 00:55:37.000
If you're not able to join us on Zoom, that's totally okay.

811
00:55:37.000 --> 00:55:44.000
I would encourage you guys to jump into the comments of Facebook and then I can speak to those as well.

812
00:55:44.000 --> 00:55:48.000
If you guys are willing to share your confessions there.

813
00:55:48.000 --> 00:55:53.000
I'm going to go ahead and start praying for you guys and just speaking the truth.

814
00:55:53.000 --> 00:55:57.000
I wanted to read a couple of scriptures over you.

815
00:55:57.000 --> 00:56:01.000
Excuse me.

816
00:56:01.000 --> 00:56:05.000
This is from 1st John 320 from the passion translation.

817
00:56:05.000 --> 00:56:13.000
It says whenever our hearts make us feel guilty and remind us of our failures, we know that God is much greater and more merciful than our conscience.

818
00:56:13.000 --> 00:56:18.000
And he knows everything there is to know about us.

819
00:56:19.000 --> 00:56:22.000
As I read it earlier, I'll go ahead and read this one again.

820
00:56:22.000 --> 00:56:28.000
James 516 confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.

821
00:56:28.000 --> 00:56:34.000
The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.

822
00:56:34.000 --> 00:56:42.000
Luke 12 to from the passion translation, everything hidden and covered up will soon be exposed for the faucet facade.

823
00:56:43.000 --> 00:56:47.000
And nothing will be kept secret for long.

824
00:56:47.000 --> 00:56:53.000
God, thank you that you bring those things again that are in darkness to the light.

825
00:56:53.000 --> 00:57:00.000
Revelation 21 for says he will wipe away every tear from their eyes and eliminate death entirely.

826
00:57:00.000 --> 00:57:03.000
No one will mourn or weep any longer.

827
00:57:03.000 --> 00:57:09.000
The pain of wounds will no longer exist for the old order has seized.

828
00:57:09.000 --> 00:57:11.000
God, we thank you that you're bringing the new.

829
00:57:11.000 --> 00:57:20.000
We thank you that all old things have passed away and behold, everything is becoming new that you're bringing rivers in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

830
00:57:20.000 --> 00:57:27.000
I thank you that your word in Jeremiah 24 seven says I will give them hearts that recognize me as the Lord.

831
00:57:27.000 --> 00:57:33.000
They will be my people and I will be their God for they will return to me wholeheartedly.

832
00:57:33.000 --> 00:57:43.000
Lord, I thank you that tonight that you would send your kind mercy kiss to comfort every one of these ladies and even those that are watching the replay.

833
00:57:43.000 --> 00:57:49.000
Just like you promised you were would your word declares that and someone 1976.

834
00:57:49.000 --> 00:58:00.000
So what I just thank you that you would help them to feel just your Holy Spirit just wrapping their wrapping around them right now that your presence would just come and wash over every one of these.

835
00:58:00.000 --> 00:58:10.000
Even just Susie where she's at at work on that you would just just really minister to every area where you might be nudging them to confess.

836
00:58:10.000 --> 00:58:19.000
Any kind of sin, even if they think it's small God that they would just bring that before you and confess that to you but also confess that to someone that is trustworthy.

837
00:58:19.000 --> 00:58:30.000
Like tonight the girl the ladies confessing in the groups or even in our Facebook group confessing God we thank you that you would help us.

838
00:58:30.000 --> 00:58:43.000
As your daughters to be planted by streams of living water that our roots would grow deep down into the water and the root system and that we would just be a flourishing tree.

839
00:58:43.000 --> 00:58:59.000
God that we would bear fruit in season and out of season God. I thank you Lord that any area where just there was lifelessness and death and destruction and despair God we thank you that you would just breathe on those now.

840
00:58:59.000 --> 00:59:12.000
And just bring hope and life and joy and peace. God yes Lord. Thank you Lord that you would just continue to till the soil of our hearts.

841
00:59:12.000 --> 00:59:30.000
And just help us to what comes up in my, my spirit there's a scripture I can't recall where it's from but God says that he would soften the heart and hearts that he would remove the heart and hearts from within us, and putting us a heart that's

842
00:59:30.000 --> 00:59:51.000
soft and pliable to him and so Lord we just thank you that you, you would do that tonight. God that you would Lord help us to give you permission to come in and bring that softening and that that refreshing and that anointing oil that would flow down all over us.

843
00:59:51.000 --> 01:00:00.000
Thank you. That's all nine nine says all who are oppressed might come to you as a shelter in the time of trouble perfect hiding place I thank you God.

844
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:08.960
that you would bring. I keep hearing joy unspeakable and full of glory, God, in the

845
01:00:08.960 --> 01:00:17.680
place where there's been anger and frustration and even any kind of self-hatred or self-pity.

846
01:00:18.400 --> 01:00:22.480
God, I'm hearing that some of these ladies might be struggling with that or have struggled with

847
01:00:22.480 --> 01:00:28.000
that in their lives. God, I thank you that you would bring confidence in who you are and who

848
01:00:28.000 --> 01:00:34.080
they are in you as well. And that you would help them to hear what your spirit is saying about

849
01:00:34.080 --> 01:00:42.560
them. Hi, Candice. Hi. Welcome back. And Lord, I just thank you that you would just continue to

850
01:00:42.560 --> 01:00:48.400
refine us. And Lord, even as your word declares that you would sift us as wheat and that you

851
01:00:48.400 --> 01:00:54.960
would remove all the chaff and you would leave that, that which is good and purposeful, the

852
01:00:54.960 --> 01:01:02.560
wheat that can be used to bring nourishment to others. I thank you, Lord, that your word declares

853
01:01:02.560 --> 01:01:07.840
in 1 Peter 5, 8, stay alert, watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a

854
01:01:07.840 --> 01:01:12.560
roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Lord, I thank you that you would help us to

855
01:01:14.000 --> 01:01:19.920
recognize the enemy at the door and that we would stop him in his tracks, that we would no longer

856
01:01:19.920 --> 01:01:27.040
align ourselves with his lies and his deceit. We know that he is an accuser of the brethren.

857
01:01:27.040 --> 01:01:32.400
He goes around trying to accuse us and he roars like a lion, but he's not the lion. So Lord, we

858
01:01:32.400 --> 01:01:39.840
just thank you that you would help us to discern between the voice of the enemy and God, your voice

859
01:01:39.840 --> 01:01:44.000
and our own voice, whether those are voices that have come through brokenness and pain,

860
01:01:44.640 --> 01:01:51.040
God help us to know, help us to hear and perceive it. Yes, Lord.

861
01:01:54.880 --> 01:01:59.840
Yes, yes, yes, yes. We thank you, Lord, that where the enemy has tried to come in like a

862
01:01:59.840 --> 01:02:05.040
flood into our lives, that you would cause them to flee seven ways. And that includes in our minds,

863
01:02:05.040 --> 01:02:10.320
Lord, we know that our minds can be such a battlefield and that our tongue can be like a

864
01:02:10.320 --> 01:02:17.920
wildfire. So Lord, help us to tame our tongues, help us to take control of the things that we're

865
01:02:17.920 --> 01:02:23.360
saying and doing, help us to also control our minds, but God, that you would help us to guard

866
01:02:23.360 --> 01:02:27.200
our hearts and our minds through Christ Jesus. You tell us that we have the ability and the

867
01:02:27.200 --> 01:02:32.400
authority through the blood of Jesus Christ and his power to do that. So Lord, we just thank you

868
01:02:32.400 --> 01:02:38.480
that we can take every thought captive and make it obedient to Jesus Christ. Welcome back. Welcome

869
01:02:38.560 --> 01:02:45.920
back. I think we have everyone back. Yeah, here we go. All right. We were just missing a few.

870
01:02:46.720 --> 01:02:51.920
All right. Who is willing? I know this is the hard one. Who's willing to share with the whole

871
01:02:51.920 --> 01:03:04.480
group? Oh, Katie. I see Katie. Yeah, go for it. Yeah. So I was, I was on the call earlier today

872
01:03:04.480 --> 01:03:10.240
and I kind of shared something, but a different phrase has come to mind with it. So when I was

873
01:03:10.240 --> 01:03:19.200
younger, I had, there was a guy in my life who like we were on our road to a relationship. We

874
01:03:19.200 --> 01:03:25.280
weren't actually committed anything or hadn't gone anywhere like physically or anything like that, but

875
01:03:27.360 --> 01:03:31.840
he was significant in my life. And then he said something that really emotionally hurt me.

876
01:03:31.840 --> 01:03:39.680
And out of the reaction to that, I just wanted, I wanted to have a reaction. And I, most of my life

877
01:03:39.680 --> 01:03:46.720
have been kind of a goody two shoes and I, I sort of hate people calling me that. I also have sort

878
01:03:46.720 --> 01:03:53.280
of a rebellious side. So it was like that tension in me. And so I remember that this circumstance

879
01:03:53.280 --> 01:03:59.120
was the first time I used this phrase in my life and then have used it later, but I just really

880
01:03:59.120 --> 01:04:07.280
wanted to do the safest stupidest thing I could do. So still kind of erring on the side of safety,

881
01:04:08.640 --> 01:04:13.440
but also just something that felt so untethered from like my normal,

882
01:04:13.440 --> 01:04:18.400
what people would have reacted, seen from me and ended up calling a guy

883
01:04:20.080 --> 01:04:26.960
from work who I had no interest in whatsoever, but he was interested in me and just used him

884
01:04:26.960 --> 01:04:30.720
and just ended up like having coffee with him and making out with him that night.

885
01:04:32.320 --> 01:04:37.680
But that phrase just has popped in my head this afternoon, this evening, like the safest stupidest

886
01:04:37.680 --> 01:04:44.880
thing. And that became a phrase I started using more and more in my life. And as the more I used

887
01:04:44.880 --> 01:04:50.000
it as a justification, the less safe things became and the more stupid they became.

888
01:04:50.800 --> 01:04:56.560
Hmm. Thank you for sharing. I think the biggest thing here that I,

889
01:04:57.120 --> 01:04:59.840
that's coming up just as you were sharing is.

890
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:22.000
The goody two shoes warring against the rebellious side and just really asking the Lord, like why, why is that war within, you know, is it because you didn't feel like you had enough freedom as a kid, because I think that a lot of young kids when they,

891
01:05:22.000 --> 01:05:27.000
even if their parents are trying to be loving if the parents are over controlling.

892
01:05:27.000 --> 01:05:45.000
Don't let them have a lot of freedom to try new things or explore whatever it can be very confining. And so they tend to grow up with a, you know that rebellion and some kids have it, irregardless but it sounds to me like maybe that's where that war

893
01:05:45.000 --> 01:05:54.000
began because you're trying to be so good and follow all the rules, but then there's this other side that like you don't want that.

894
01:05:54.000 --> 01:06:11.000
And doesn't mean you don't want it at all but it's that you were maybe forced on this side of being good good good good that you like when we don't feel like we have the freedom to make a mistake, it can turn again when that that good good good good is over

895
01:06:12.000 --> 01:06:17.000
extended, it can create this then flow of you want to rebel.

896
01:06:17.000 --> 01:06:25.000
That makes sense. Did I explain that okay that you guys are following me. All right, so if you guys are in that place where you also can relate to her.

897
01:06:26.000 --> 01:06:43.000
You know, if you've got that war going on within asked the Lord like you know did that get ever extended, you know, was there times when I felt like I couldn't, I couldn't be free to be myself in or whatever and just see where the Lord takes you on those things.

898
01:06:44.000 --> 01:07:03.000
So good. So good and you know, I'm hearing the Lord say to he wants to give you a course correct course correction, and not in a bad way. Like, I imagine like I was just kind of grinning because safest stupidest thing I think, you know, we kind of like go on this course

899
01:07:03.000 --> 01:07:14.000
and we go on a path and, and I just think God wants to get in the car with you and kind of correct that that path and just really redo that whole framework, if you will.

900
01:07:14.000 --> 01:07:21.000
So just just be open to that, you know that I think God wants to give you a whole new phrase and everything.

901
01:07:21.000 --> 01:07:30.000
When he makes us new ladies he makes it all new. So just just be open to that. All right, Elizabeth, go ahead.

902
01:07:30.000 --> 01:07:41.000
Yeah, so, um, I just felt led to share like, I think, you know, God brought this program to me at such a timely time.

903
01:07:42.000 --> 01:08:03.000
I was sharing with the ladies like one of the biggest lies that I had struggled with my whole life that God, you know, has been revealing like over and over and over is that I have felt responsible for others, and responsible for like my family and the addiction

904
01:08:03.000 --> 01:08:11.000
in my family the losses in my family. And so then that would like bleed into other relationships and other friendship.

905
01:08:11.000 --> 01:08:21.000
And I wouldn't even like, because of that lie I wouldn't feel worthy to have like my own relationship with another man.

906
01:08:21.000 --> 01:08:34.000
So, that wasn't even like, like I didn't, I didn't even give myself permission for that like marriage family that wasn't even like in the equation until recently.

907
01:08:34.000 --> 01:08:54.000
So, it's been very very emotional and like very revealing but like God has been showing me like, like, is a desire of yours, but because this of this lie, and how many layers there are to it.

908
01:08:54.000 --> 01:09:17.000
He's been pulling that out of me and I feel like praise God I feel like way less responsible for others way less responsible for my family, to where I can actually enter into like walk through that door that he's inviting me into so yeah.

909
01:09:18.000 --> 01:09:28.000
Thank you for sharing Rochelle said here whoa I struggle with the same thing to thank you for sharing so I wanted you to, to hear that.

910
01:09:28.000 --> 01:09:37.000
Who else can relate to feeling responsible for other people and I see two other ladies, let's see who else Gina and john I don't want to lose you guys.

911
01:09:37.000 --> 01:09:52.000
Yeah, I mean, how many times or again, maybe we did. I can maybe it was last Monday I talked about that a little bit. Yeah, I do so many different things with prayer call and stuff I can never remember where I say stuff so sorry, I'm sorry if I repeat things

912
01:09:52.000 --> 01:09:55.000
and you guys hear it more than once but hopefully just absorb it more.

913
01:09:55.000 --> 01:10:00.000
Okay, so if you have felt responsible for other people tonight I'm going to add just

914
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.580
even right now, like, I just want you guys to kind of like, imagine a backpack on your

915
01:10:04.580 --> 01:10:10.480
back. And I just want you to like, take it off yourself. Like, I know that sounds so

916
01:10:10.480 --> 01:10:14.000
simple, but like, literally like, even throughout the rest of the night, when you get off this

917
01:10:14.000 --> 01:10:18.840
session, I just want you to kind of keep imagining, like, I am putting these backpacks, whatever

918
01:10:18.840 --> 01:10:24.440
they are. So maybe the backpack, like how Elizabeth was sharing. Yeah. I feel the Holy

919
01:10:24.440 --> 01:10:29.400
Spirit on that. Elizabeth sharing, like, you know, about the addictions and, you know,

920
01:10:29.400 --> 01:10:36.840
the losses in the family or whatever it was like, and at some point, believing you all,

921
01:10:36.840 --> 01:10:44.880
we believe that we were a part of that. Like we had some, like kids so often believe, like,

922
01:10:44.880 --> 01:10:50.840
if I had done this differently, dad wouldn't have left. Or if I had done this differently,

923
01:10:50.840 --> 01:10:55.040
mom wouldn't have drank too much or whatever. Again, I'm just kind of spitballing a little

924
01:10:55.040 --> 01:11:04.360
bit here, but like, that's so not true. That person wasn't healthy. You all, that wasn't

925
01:11:04.360 --> 01:11:12.880
our responsibility. It's never been our responsibility. So this week, tonight, this whole week, I just

926
01:11:12.880 --> 01:11:16.360
want you guys to keep thinking like every time one of these things comes up and the

927
01:11:16.360 --> 01:11:21.280
Lord shows you just like, yep. Thank you, father. I get to take this off. Like I was

928
01:11:21.360 --> 01:11:25.920
never intended to carry this. So I'm just going to take it off. If it helps you to have an actual

929
01:11:25.920 --> 01:11:31.360
code on did practice that, like that kind of activation of getting it off yourself,

930
01:11:31.360 --> 01:11:36.480
do whatever, this is what activating means ladies. If you don't know, it's just like

931
01:11:36.480 --> 01:11:43.760
doing something that makes it almost tangible to experience it. Okay. And partnering with the

932
01:11:43.760 --> 01:11:47.840
words that are released. So if you, if that's you and you need to come out from under that stuff,

933
01:11:47.840 --> 01:11:53.600
I encourage you to do that in some way this week. Thank you so much for sharing Elizabeth.

934
01:11:53.600 --> 01:11:57.280
I know it takes courage. I'm so proud of you guys. Jen, go ahead.

935
01:12:02.320 --> 01:12:09.120
All right. Oh, that's right. The thing that, so I just confessed really is that

936
01:12:10.720 --> 01:12:17.280
one of the things I've realized, especially since I started this is that I have pretty much told

937
01:12:17.280 --> 01:12:23.600
myself that I was content and happy. And like, I really didn't like, it was okay.

938
01:12:24.800 --> 01:12:31.040
If I never get married, which is, you know, partly true, but what we said,

939
01:12:31.040 --> 01:12:35.440
the hardest thing, like what I really, what the Lord has really been showing me is like, I,

940
01:12:36.400 --> 01:12:43.040
you know, it's mostly because I don't want to be disappointed anymore. So I don't trust him.

941
01:12:44.000 --> 01:12:48.960
I'm just like, I don't want to let my hope. I don't want to let my hope go there

942
01:12:49.840 --> 01:12:53.600
because I don't want to not trust him. And we were just saying like how,

943
01:12:54.480 --> 01:12:57.760
and all three of us said that we kind of has struggled with that, that,

944
01:13:00.320 --> 01:13:08.720
you know, that we could even believe that God is good to other people, but that we somehow

945
01:13:09.440 --> 01:13:12.560
feel like he's just not good for us. And I just said, you know,

946
01:13:14.000 --> 01:13:20.400
a few years ago when I first read that scripture in Psalms, it says no good thing. Does he withhold

947
01:13:20.400 --> 01:13:27.040
from those who walk up rightly? Like, I just felt very not true at all for me. And so then,

948
01:13:27.040 --> 01:13:32.080
you know, it's just like, well, is it not true because I'm not upright enough? Like I'm not

949
01:13:32.080 --> 01:13:38.560
getting, or is God not good? Like either I'm not good or God's not good to me. Like he might be

950
01:13:38.560 --> 01:13:45.600
good to other people, but it's just not good to me. And, um, and I feel like it's just been like,

951
01:13:45.600 --> 01:13:54.640
I feel like I, that I kind of live with this expectation. This kind of came out like that

952
01:13:56.720 --> 01:14:01.520
and just kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop and like trying to prove,

953
01:14:02.240 --> 01:14:06.880
like not believe, because I just don't want to get hurt anymore. You know,

954
01:14:06.960 --> 01:14:14.640
just like try to protect myself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So good. Gosh, so much, so much good in there,

955
01:14:14.640 --> 01:14:22.080
what you were sharing, the place I want to go first is, uh, this no good thing. Does he withhold?

956
01:14:22.080 --> 01:14:26.960
I'm going to look into that tonight when we jump off here, because what came up in my spirit is

957
01:14:26.960 --> 01:14:32.720
sometimes, you know, I'm not saying it's taken out of context, but sometimes, you know, if,

958
01:14:32.720 --> 01:14:39.680
if a scripture was meant in the context of one framework, but we take it and apply it to other

959
01:14:39.680 --> 01:14:45.360
areas, it doesn't make that scripture not true ladies, but there are times where the enemy will

960
01:14:45.360 --> 01:14:51.840
use that scripture to torment us when that's actually was not the meaning and the intention

961
01:14:51.840 --> 01:14:56.320
when it was originally used. And so I'm not saying that that applies to the scripture,

962
01:14:56.320 --> 01:14:59.920
but that came up in my spirit. So I really just want to kind of look at like what was going on.

963
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:05.840
before and after that scripture was used and what was the context and how was God really like,

964
01:15:05.840 --> 01:15:13.040
what was God saying in that whole thing? And then the other thing is just

965
01:15:15.600 --> 01:15:24.080
when we're looking at stuff like this, where when you said, the reality is when you kind of

966
01:15:24.080 --> 01:15:30.320
unpack this, you realize you don't trust the Lord, you know, and maybe we trust him in certain

967
01:15:30.320 --> 01:15:34.800
areas, but when we're really honest, this is, and that's why I said, before you guys even went into

968
01:15:34.800 --> 01:15:40.880
this part, it's so, it's like so important to be fully honest with God, fully honest with yourself

969
01:15:40.880 --> 01:15:45.120
and fully honest with others. And when I say fully honest with others, y'all safe people.

970
01:15:46.160 --> 01:15:51.840
Okay. Cause if, if someone's a fool and they're not safe, you're not going to want to go and

971
01:15:51.840 --> 01:15:58.160
bury your soul to them. Okay. So just want to make sure that's there too. But like,

972
01:15:59.760 --> 01:16:06.160
God is big enough for us to be honest with him. And the reality is, is he already knows it.

973
01:16:06.880 --> 01:16:12.160
And he loves us enough that he's just trying to like draw us in and like, let me help you see

974
01:16:12.160 --> 01:16:18.480
this differently. And it's not because he's trying to force us to look at things that, you know, like

975
01:16:18.480 --> 01:16:24.800
something that's not true, but he's trying to reveal like, where did the lens like,

976
01:16:24.800 --> 01:16:30.960
where did you get the lens that will he withhold scripture? Sorry.

977
01:16:34.240 --> 01:16:38.320
I don't know what that was for. Sorry. Oh, thank you. I think somebody put that in there.

978
01:16:41.200 --> 01:16:48.000
So when we're looking at things through the lens of the past or when did God, when was the first

979
01:16:48.000 --> 01:16:53.680
time? Okay, here we go. Thank you, Lord. When was the first time you felt like you sat and

980
01:16:53.680 --> 01:17:02.320
watched other people get what you wanted and you didn't get it? Y'all I coached someone recently.

981
01:17:03.840 --> 01:17:09.840
It went all the way back to when she was like four years old. I'm not kidding. Sometimes you

982
01:17:09.840 --> 01:17:15.600
all there's stuff that's it's just, it's so deep down in us that we don't even know it's there.

983
01:17:16.560 --> 01:17:26.720
And her siblings used to tease her. She had a learning disorder and the mom favored the sister

984
01:17:28.640 --> 01:17:35.360
and I won't go on, but like the reality is, is sometimes it's, you know, we perceive things

985
01:17:35.360 --> 01:17:42.960
through the brokenness. So there was a situation that she went through in the home. And so from

986
01:17:43.040 --> 01:17:49.600
that moment on everything that she looked at went through that lens. Does that make sense?

987
01:17:50.640 --> 01:17:57.120
So when we are in life and situations, even if we don't want to look through those lenses,

988
01:17:57.680 --> 01:18:03.440
if we don't know they're there, how could we know that we're looking through that lens?

989
01:18:03.440 --> 01:18:09.920
Cause we might even forget that that even happened. And so that's where just again,

990
01:18:09.920 --> 01:18:15.840
pausing like word, like when was the first time that I started telling myself, I would just be

991
01:18:15.840 --> 01:18:24.160
okay if I never got married because I'm actually afraid that I won't get married. I mean, if,

992
01:18:24.160 --> 01:18:30.160
if we're honest, I mean, you know, I know it probably seems like hard to imagine I'm married

993
01:18:30.160 --> 01:18:37.120
now, but you, I, I felt these things and I thought those things. I mean, when I kept making the same

994
01:18:37.120 --> 01:18:43.840
mistakes over and over, I'm like, what in the world? But then I started really like unpacking

995
01:18:43.840 --> 01:18:51.920
it. Like, why, why do I pick guys that talk down to me? Why do I pick guys that I'm just,

996
01:18:51.920 --> 01:18:57.520
and even friendships you all I've had, I've been even again in this last year, really looking at

997
01:18:57.520 --> 01:19:03.200
my friendships, like, and I love my friends. I love them. I will do anything for them.

998
01:19:03.200 --> 01:19:09.360
But the problem is, is if I'm just giving, giving, giving, giving all the time,

999
01:19:10.720 --> 01:19:15.920
then something's out of balance. We should have friendships that are reciprocal as well.

1000
01:19:16.640 --> 01:19:24.560
Same thing with our spirit mates and people that we date. Yeah. So where did this stuff come in?

1001
01:19:24.560 --> 01:19:30.880
When did we first not trust the Lord to give us good things too? And, and did it start with just

1002
01:19:30.960 --> 01:19:36.240
God or did it start with our parents or somewhere else that we saw someone doing something good for

1003
01:19:36.240 --> 01:19:41.760
someone else? And we were left out and we believe the lie that that was how life was going to be

1004
01:19:41.760 --> 01:19:46.320
for us. And so we just started telling ourselves that story. This is how life's always going to be.

1005
01:19:46.960 --> 01:19:51.360
I'm never really going to get, I'm going to get close, but I'm really not going to get close

1006
01:19:51.360 --> 01:19:57.920
enough to actually get it. So it's just better off. If I just tell myself. I'm good. I don't

1007
01:19:57.920 --> 01:19:59.840
even need it. God, I'm good with.

1008
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:07.120
But see, he knows the desires of your heart and he loves you enough to draw you here for

1009
01:20:07.120 --> 01:20:09.880
such a time as this.

1010
01:20:09.880 --> 01:20:12.320
For healing and freedom and redemption.

1011
01:20:12.320 --> 01:20:15.080
So many good things happening tonight, ladies.

1012
01:20:15.080 --> 01:20:20.720
Gina, I would love to hear what you have to say.

1013
01:20:20.720 --> 01:20:27.880
So we really talk, it's, this is, I'm trying not to cry here.

1014
01:20:27.880 --> 01:20:36.520
So we did really talk about how, you know, one of the, one of the things that, that,

1015
01:20:36.520 --> 01:20:40.720
you know, we do is we, we kind of put on this front, right?

1016
01:20:40.720 --> 01:20:47.000
Like we've, you know, in our group, like almost like we're big fat liars, you know, and, and

1017
01:20:47.000 --> 01:20:52.400
from my perspective, you know, my words were, I always felt like I was a chameleon.

1018
01:20:52.400 --> 01:20:57.440
I lived in, I haven't, you know, my parents split up when we were really young.

1019
01:20:57.440 --> 01:21:00.680
So I can still relate to the four-year-old because there were things that happened in

1020
01:21:00.680 --> 01:21:04.960
my life at four years old that carried through my adulthood.

1021
01:21:04.960 --> 01:21:13.560
And, and I lived with so many different family members until I was in foster care at 15.

1022
01:21:13.560 --> 01:21:20.900
And so when you kind of bounce from home to home to home, you know, you can, so many different

1023
01:21:20.900 --> 01:21:21.900
things can happen.

1024
01:21:22.400 --> 01:21:27.740
And I know for my siblings each did, you know, reacted to it differently, but I was a middle

1025
01:21:27.740 --> 01:21:30.700
child and I was actually pretty quiet.

1026
01:21:30.700 --> 01:21:35.220
And so I internalized everything and literally became a chameleon.

1027
01:21:35.220 --> 01:21:41.260
I was whatever I was expected to be wherever I happened to be at the moment.

1028
01:21:41.260 --> 01:21:46.180
And I, and I took that into every relationship.

1029
01:21:46.180 --> 01:21:48.100
So I was never really me.

1030
01:21:48.100 --> 01:21:52.120
I took that into my marriage when I was married.

1031
01:21:52.120 --> 01:21:57.140
And then as the Lord started to kind of work in me, holy cow, I was a totally different

1032
01:21:57.140 --> 01:21:58.140
person.

1033
01:21:58.140 --> 01:21:59.140
Right.

1034
01:21:59.140 --> 01:22:09.160
So yeah, it's, you know, when you, I had to remind myself, you know, when, when I split

1035
01:22:09.160 --> 01:22:15.780
up with my husband, you know, how it was so easy to blame him, but the truth was I wasn't

1036
01:22:15.780 --> 01:22:16.780
honest.

1037
01:22:16.780 --> 01:22:17.780
Right.

1038
01:22:18.460 --> 01:22:23.380
I never told him he knew part of my story, but he didn't know all of my story.

1039
01:22:23.380 --> 01:22:30.060
And when I started to express all of my story, like he just couldn't handle it.

1040
01:22:30.060 --> 01:22:34.180
You know, his responses were, were not what I was expecting.

1041
01:22:34.180 --> 01:22:35.780
Well, what did I expect?

1042
01:22:35.780 --> 01:22:36.780
Right.

1043
01:22:36.780 --> 01:22:41.100
I expected someone who could, you know, I'm so sorry that happened to you instead of it

1044
01:22:41.100 --> 01:22:42.340
was all about him.

1045
01:22:42.340 --> 01:22:48.420
And, and I, and I had to own the fact that I set the stage for that because I wasn't

1046
01:22:48.420 --> 01:22:55.220
willing to allow him to see who I really was because I had never felt safe to do that anywhere.

1047
01:22:55.220 --> 01:22:56.220
Yeah.

1048
01:22:56.220 --> 01:22:57.220
Yeah.

1049
01:22:57.220 --> 01:22:58.220
Wow.

1050
01:22:58.220 --> 01:23:00.580
That is so good.

1051
01:23:00.580 --> 01:23:06.100
You all, I can tell you, I've led this session so many times and the chameleon has never

1052
01:23:06.100 --> 01:23:08.340
come up and it came up twice tonight.

1053
01:23:08.340 --> 01:23:09.340
You said it.

1054
01:23:09.340 --> 01:23:11.820
And then someone said they talked about it in their group too.

1055
01:23:12.300 --> 01:23:15.940
So I feel like God's really speaking that for a reason tonight.

1056
01:23:15.940 --> 01:23:19.580
If you think of a chameleon, you know, they change all different colors, right.

1057
01:23:19.580 --> 01:23:24.860
To blend into their habitat for a lot of different reasons.

1058
01:23:24.860 --> 01:23:30.060
They do it to also, you know, when danger comes, right.

1059
01:23:30.060 --> 01:23:34.460
Isn't that part of, I'd have to look, I'm not, I'm not a science girl y'all, but if

1060
01:23:34.460 --> 01:23:38.620
I'm not mistaken, that's part of why they do that.

1061
01:23:38.620 --> 01:23:42.980
So it makes sense that when you would go from home to home to home or whatever the

1062
01:23:42.980 --> 01:23:49.620
situation there that to protect yourself, a self-preservation technique would be to

1063
01:23:49.620 --> 01:23:53.980
try to blend in, stay quiet, you know, all the different things you mentioned.

1064
01:23:53.980 --> 01:23:59.740
But I also want to bring out what I heard the Lord say, I wrote it down.

1065
01:23:59.740 --> 01:24:04.220
What color were you created to be?

1066
01:24:04.220 --> 01:24:08.740
To ask yourself, Lord, what color was I created to be?

1067
01:24:08.740 --> 01:24:11.300
And I know that like, sounds like a simplistic answer.

1068
01:24:11.300 --> 01:24:17.100
I'm not saying necessarily a color, the color represents who did God originally create you

1069
01:24:17.100 --> 01:24:18.100
to be?

1070
01:24:18.100 --> 01:24:19.100
That's what I'm trying to get at.

1071
01:24:19.100 --> 01:24:23.220
Ladies, who did God originally create you to be?

1072
01:24:23.220 --> 01:24:25.940
What, what did he want your temperament like?

1073
01:24:25.940 --> 01:24:29.260
You know, how did he want you to engage with the world?

1074
01:24:29.260 --> 01:24:36.380
You know, did he want you to be vibrant and enjoy life and color and, you know, or, you

1075
01:24:36.380 --> 01:24:40.940
know, were there other things and it's okay for, you know, we need people that are more

1076
01:24:40.940 --> 01:24:45.100
quiet and introspective for people that are very boisterous and loud.

1077
01:24:45.100 --> 01:24:47.980
We balance each other out, right?

1078
01:24:47.980 --> 01:24:52.780
There's so much good in all of us, but the enemy just comes so quick when we're little

1079
01:24:52.780 --> 01:24:59.260
to try to just squash that stuff in us or to like, cause it to not like a flower, you

1080
01:24:59.260 --> 01:25:00.020
know, when a flower.

1081
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:05.600
is coming up out of the ground. If that's not protected, and if a frost comes too quick,

1082
01:25:05.600 --> 01:25:11.440
that will stump that flower's ability to grow, right? So if you think about it, that's kind of

1083
01:25:11.440 --> 01:25:17.920
what the enemy, one of the tactics is he comes in early, as early as he can, to try to stump the

1084
01:25:17.920 --> 01:25:26.960
growth. But God is so much more bigger and powerful than all of that stuff, you all, so he can come in

1085
01:25:26.960 --> 01:25:33.680
and redeem all of that. And he can come in and he can give life to those areas that felt like

1086
01:25:33.680 --> 01:25:39.040
they were never going to grow and you lost a part of yourself. Well, guess what? God's on the throne

1087
01:25:39.040 --> 01:25:43.920
and he's about to give that part of your life right back to you. I'm serious. God's doing some

1088
01:25:43.920 --> 01:25:49.200
really amazing. So he's always amazing, but there's some stuff that he's releasing from heaven in this

1089
01:25:49.200 --> 01:25:54.640
day and time that we just can't even comprehend it. And he is in the business of redeeming our

1090
01:25:54.640 --> 01:25:59.840
timelines, you all, and coming in and Jesus is waiting. He just, you know, he's a gentleman. So

1091
01:25:59.840 --> 01:26:06.240
he waits for us to invite him. He's always there. The blood's always available, but when we gain

1092
01:26:06.240 --> 01:26:13.200
insight, like, oh my gosh, I forgot I went through this. One of you all, I'm sorry, I don't forget

1093
01:26:13.200 --> 01:26:18.880
your name. I forget your names, but someone had a memory of drowning kind of like when you were

1094
01:26:18.880 --> 01:26:26.960
younger. And now you remember, well, God wants to heal that. He wants to heal that. And I imagine

1095
01:26:26.960 --> 01:26:33.200
maybe one day he wants you to be so comfortable in water and swim. That's what I imagine. I'm not

1096
01:26:33.200 --> 01:26:38.400
saying you have to do that, but just, you know, where we are so healed that whatever that situation

1097
01:26:38.400 --> 01:26:45.600
is, the opposite would be our story in the days ahead. So many good things, you all.

1098
01:26:46.080 --> 01:26:51.360
What color were you created to be? I think I have one other hand, Christine. I don't want to miss you.

1099
01:26:51.360 --> 01:26:55.760
We have five more minutes if you can share, and then I will kind of close this up tonight.

1100
01:26:56.560 --> 01:27:04.560
Yeah, it was actually a question, uh, created back to the passage, um, from Psalm 84. I've

1101
01:27:04.560 --> 01:27:09.760
like wrestled through that scripture, uh, years ago. And then I kind of arrived at this, like,

1102
01:27:09.760 --> 01:27:14.480
okay, what is a good thing? Like singleness can be a good thing. Marriage can be a good thing.

1103
01:27:16.000 --> 01:27:20.320
And I really have a hard time answering the question. Like to me in scripture,

1104
01:27:20.320 --> 01:27:24.800
marriage is not promised. Like we're promised the presence of God. So I was just curious

1105
01:27:24.800 --> 01:27:30.400
when you do, um, when you, when you do this work with people, like, how do you,

1106
01:27:30.400 --> 01:27:35.600
how do you address that? Like marriage isn't promised to us, but what I'm hearing here is

1107
01:27:35.600 --> 01:27:43.280
like, there's hope that God can provide that. But how do you like honestly face that it's not a

1108
01:27:43.360 --> 01:27:49.360
promise to us in scripture? Like we're not guaranteed it. Well, we're not guaranteed any

1109
01:27:49.360 --> 01:27:58.400
promise, right? If you think about it, cause what you're kind of saying is it's not really

1110
01:27:58.400 --> 01:28:02.880
promised to us. So why and how could it come to pass? That's really what you're saying

1111
01:28:04.080 --> 01:28:09.040
to me. I'm saying like the promises of God, like the character of God that stands true in scripture,

1112
01:28:09.040 --> 01:28:16.160
like those, and the things that God promises will come true in the world to me that like,

1113
01:28:16.160 --> 01:28:21.760
those are very clear in scripture, but getting like God, I don't believe that God has promised

1114
01:28:22.320 --> 01:28:31.360
marriage to everyone, according to scripture. But he does say that for those that love him,

1115
01:28:31.360 --> 01:28:37.440
he will give them the desires of their heart. Is it, you know, like you have to think a little

1116
01:28:37.440 --> 01:28:46.000
bit beyond just the law and what is written. Like God comes to bless and to give it abundant,

1117
01:28:46.000 --> 01:28:52.080
like abundant life, abundant stuff. He doesn't like you have Abraham and Sarah walking around

1118
01:28:52.080 --> 01:28:57.360
in the desert and he takes them to a land that not only do they live in, but they had,

1119
01:28:57.360 --> 01:29:03.360
they had so many crops and they had so much abundance that lot had to go live somewhere

1120
01:29:03.360 --> 01:29:12.000
else because they had too much to exist in one place together. So what all I'm kind of

1121
01:29:12.000 --> 01:29:17.120
trying to say is to kind of get you to expand, like how you're looking at scripture, like,

1122
01:29:17.120 --> 01:29:22.880
yes, I, 100% the Bible is the Bible. Nothing's going to change the way that it's written and

1123
01:29:22.880 --> 01:29:27.760
what it says, but the way we interpret it, you have to remember the same lens that we're looking

1124
01:29:27.760 --> 01:29:34.880
at life through we're looking at the word through too. And so if there's any legalism or any like

1125
01:29:34.880 --> 01:29:39.680
where the enemy lied to us and said, Nope, you can't have this. Nope. You can't have this. This

1126
01:29:39.680 --> 01:29:44.000
isn't for you. Well, when you read scripture, that's kind of how you're going to interpret

1127
01:29:44.000 --> 01:29:52.480
through to until that part is healed. And so, I mean, really, I'm going to, I'm going to toss it

1128
01:29:52.480 --> 01:29:59.600
back in your court and say, do you believe that God wants to bless you with marriage?

1129
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:04.320
I mean, that's a great question. I can ponder that. That's part of my wrestling in this

1130
01:30:04.320 --> 01:30:10.160
whole course is that I'm like, I'm dead serious. I've walked with Jesus since I was nine and

1131
01:30:10.160 --> 01:30:16.360
I'm like, you know, there's suffering and the promise of his presence and the things

1132
01:30:16.360 --> 01:30:23.920
that are true about his character. But I'm just kind of like, I mean, Psalm 37, 4 has

1133
01:30:23.920 --> 01:30:34.320
plagued me as well as Psalm 84, 11 for years, because I'm just like, well, yeah, I'm like,

1134
01:30:34.320 --> 01:30:39.600
he said the desires of your heart, but I'm like, I don't know.

1135
01:30:39.600 --> 01:30:44.960
That's good is different than our good. So I agree with you. But I think the thing is

1136
01:30:44.960 --> 01:30:51.440
again, maybe just go back as you're healing. Don't, don't try to look at it too much right

1137
01:30:51.440 --> 01:30:56.000
now, but as you keep going through this healing process, I would encourage you to go back

1138
01:30:56.000 --> 01:31:00.840
and say, Lord, is there anything different you want to show me about these scriptures

1139
01:31:00.840 --> 01:31:08.400
now that I've healed some more than maybe what I saw before, because we can know, we

1140
01:31:08.400 --> 01:31:11.760
can know scripture through and through you all. I can know it. I know it and know it

1141
01:31:11.760 --> 01:31:17.800
and know it. But then tomorrow wake up and read a scripture that I read not that long

1142
01:31:17.800 --> 01:31:23.880
ago. And all of a sudden God shows me another layer of it, another understanding, you know,

1143
01:31:23.880 --> 01:31:29.160
we know in part, because like we see in part, like we, we can't comprehend the mysteries

1144
01:31:29.160 --> 01:31:36.440
of heaven as they truly are. We only know them in part. So even though we, you can,

1145
01:31:36.440 --> 01:31:42.040
I mean, I've been saved, I don't know how old am I? I got saved 1998. So however old

1146
01:31:42.040 --> 01:31:49.320
it's 2023. So you can figure it out. I'm sorry. But like, I've been saved a long time too.

1147
01:31:49.320 --> 01:31:54.600
And I'm, I'm not trying to diminish what you're saying, but like, sometimes we get so hung

1148
01:31:54.600 --> 01:32:01.480
up on, I know the truth of this scripture and this is what it says to me. But we forget

1149
01:32:01.480 --> 01:32:07.200
that we go from glory to glory, to glory. Like we go from healing to healing. Like God

1150
01:32:07.200 --> 01:32:14.880
is always transforming and renewing our minds. Well, if he does, and if that scripture is true,

1151
01:32:14.880 --> 01:32:21.280
then my belief yesterday of the word can change by like, not completely, but like,

1152
01:32:21.280 --> 01:32:26.080
if I'm healing, don't you think we're going to look at things a little differently?

1153
01:32:26.080 --> 01:32:32.160
I know for sure. There's some scriptures I look at a lot different now. You know, I never used

1154
01:32:32.160 --> 01:32:39.600
to believe that people could get divorced and remarried until I went through divorce.

1155
01:32:39.600 --> 01:32:45.920
We change, we change when we go through stuff and God shows us new understanding.

1156
01:32:45.920 --> 01:32:51.840
And so I would just encourage any of you guys, you know, the purity culture years ago that I

1157
01:32:51.840 --> 01:32:57.680
kissed dating goodbye. If you grew up in that, you know, I'm going to encourage you to kind of

1158
01:32:57.680 --> 01:33:03.120
ask the Lord to help you let go of that. Some, I'm not saying go out and not be make good choices.

1159
01:33:03.120 --> 01:33:10.880
Okay. But like sometimes you're, you're kind of like, you're so in that vein that you can't even

1160
01:33:12.240 --> 01:33:18.480
see what God wants to give you over here. Does that make sense? Hope I'm making sense y'all.

1161
01:33:19.200 --> 01:33:25.360
All right. We got to close up tonight. Great question. Great question. Theological stuff.

1162
01:33:25.360 --> 01:33:31.120
If I was more prepared, I would have a good old Greek and Hebrew, whatever it applies to give you,

1163
01:33:31.120 --> 01:33:37.120
but we can lean into that more together. Let let's do this. Let's kiss some lies. Goodbye

1164
01:33:37.120 --> 01:33:42.720
tonight. Let's kiss some sin. Goodbye tonight, instead of all that stuff. And let's focus there

1165
01:33:42.720 --> 01:33:48.640
this week and see what, what, how does God want to break us free? Like where does he want to give

1166
01:33:48.640 --> 01:33:54.160
us new revelation, new understanding, new life? Cause he wants to give it and give it abundantly.

1167
01:33:54.160 --> 01:34:00.640
Father, thank you so much for these amazing women. Thank you God for truth. God, we don't

1168
01:34:00.640 --> 01:34:06.880
understand and it's okay. God, where we don't have belief, give us faith, give us eyes to see,

1169
01:34:06.880 --> 01:34:11.360
give us ears to hear God. I pray that you would even give revelation and in regards to those

1170
01:34:11.360 --> 01:34:17.520
scriptures, God, if we look at them in any way, that is not the way you want us to see them.

1171
01:34:17.520 --> 01:34:22.880
It's not the way heaven wants us to see that help us to have a deeper understanding of it tonight.

1172
01:34:22.960 --> 01:34:29.680
And in the days ahead, help us to know God, your heart for us. God, if we wrestle with, with God,

1173
01:34:29.680 --> 01:34:34.160
do you want me to be married? Is that a promise you have for my life? God, I pray that you would

1174
01:34:34.160 --> 01:34:41.440
help these ladies to hear your voice louder than any other voice. God, I thank you for the plans

1175
01:34:41.440 --> 01:34:46.240
and the promises and the future that you have for them. God, I pray that you would help them to

1176
01:34:46.240 --> 01:34:54.320
shed layers of pain, to release into your care, the sins, the mistakes that they've made and allow

1177
01:34:54.320 --> 01:34:59.840
you to transform them from the inside out. Jesus, we thank you that you shed your blood on the cross.

1178
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:03.240
us. You allowed your body to be broken for the forgiveness of

1179
01:35:03.240 --> 01:35:06.960
our sins for our freedom for our redemption for our healing. Let

1180
01:35:06.960 --> 01:35:11.400
it be so Lord wash over them with waves of grace and healing

1181
01:35:11.400 --> 01:35:16.000
and peace tonight and Jesus name a man. We love you guys. We'll

1182
01:35:16.000 --> 01:35:19.720
see you in the group and then again be back next Monday at

1183
01:35:19.720 --> 01:35:23.120
one o'clock Eastern and 8pm Eastern. See you guys later.

1184
01:35:23.760 --> 01:35:24.200
Bye.

1185
01:35:25.880 --> 01:35:26.840
Thank you.