Hi, welcome back.
This is the end of part three.
Can you believe it?
We're at the end of part three.
And so the last video we talked about that revealing for healing process that's happening.
And how do we reconnect to our real selves.
And I gave you a few tools.
Remember I gave you the tools of repentance, confession and forgiveness.
These are the ways that we are going to come out from underneath all of those counterfeit
layers, all of those things that are unworthy of us, that aren't the real us, and we're
going to reconnect to the real us.
And so I talked about repentance and confession, but now I want to talk a little bit about
forgiveness.
And I think a lot of times when we hear the word forgiveness, we automatically assume
that we're forgiving someone else.
We think forgiveness is something that we give others.
The problem is, is that we forget to give it to ourselves.
And we have to, we have to give it to ourselves first and foremost, because whoever God is
to us, he's going to be through us.
And so if we're not willing to forgive ourselves for all the unworthy things that we've done,
it's going to be really hard for us to forgive others.
It is.
And so if you find yourself being really unforgiving, you're probably pretty unforgiving towards
yourself.
And so before offering forgiveness to another person, let's offer it to ourselves first.
Okay.
We have to offer it to ourselves first.
And so I'm going to tell you a little story.
I'm going to tell you a personal story about the power of forgiveness and the power of
forgiving yourself.
And so I'll talk about my mom for a few minutes.
I didn't really get to know my mom until the last couple of years of her life.
Of course, I knew her, you know, she raised me until I was 13 or 14 years old, but she
was not herself.
She was in a lot of counterfeit identities.
There was a lot of trauma, a lot of hurt, a lot of pain.
And eventually I went to live in a girl's home and foster care situations.
And then I didn't get to know her any further after 14 years old.
So she was always a mystery to me.
And I loved her.
I loved her so much.
And I wanted to know her.
I was always contending for relationship with her even before I ever met Jesus.
But after I met Jesus at 22, then I really wanted reconciliation.
I wanted restoration for my family, but every time I would try to get restoration with my
mom, it just wouldn't go anywhere.
I think some of you probably have that experience too, with a loved one, a grown child, a parent,
someone who's living in a counterfeit identity, and they just won't let you in.
They cut you out of their lives.
They hang the phone up on you when you call, or they won't take your phone calls at all.
You just can't get any further into intimacy with them.
And that's what I ran into with my mother over and over and over again.
But I believed I had a promise from the Lord, a promise for reconciliation.
And I believed that someday she was going to come out from underneath all those counterfeit
ideas and identities, and that we were going to reconnect.
And that happened.
It happened in the last two years of her life.
Unfortunately, my mother was given a diagnosis of no hope and no time.
And it was during that time that I was able to have this reconciliation and this reconnection
with her.
Right after she was diagnosed with this advanced cancer situation, I was with her.
And I really shouldn't have been.
Considering our history, there's no way that I should have been there for such an intimate
time in her life.
But God allowed me to be there.
He allowed me to be involved because of this promise that I was carrying of reconciliation
with her.
But she was really giving up hope, I could tell.
And even though I didn't really know her very well, I could see that there was a block.
There was something that was blocking her from being able to believe that she could
overcome what was happening in her life, that Jesus had died and shed his blood on the cross.
She was a believer, but she just wasn't, it wasn't able to get from here to here.
Remember, we're talking about the truth getting from here to here.
And so she was lying in her bed at home, and I was with her in her home.
And I could just tell, it was like there was a guardian.
There was a gatekeeper of shame that was standing there and was not allowing anything to get
in.
And I knew that there were secrets.
You know, when you come from any kind of dysfunctional family, the kind of broken family I come
from, of course, there's always secrets.
There's always secrets.
And you know, God really spoke to me and said, James 5, 16, confess your faults to one another
and be healed.
And so I knew that there was something, you know, it's like, it's like the Lord of the
Rings smog, the dragon guarding the treasure.
I knew that there was a gatekeeper of shame that was guarding these deeper areas of intimacy
in my mother's heart.
And I just didn't know how to get there.
I would say, hey, how you feeling?
What are you thinking?
You know, what's going on inside of you?
But I could never get past that block with her.
She would never open up to me and tell me anything.
And so one day I was out doing a few groceries, you know, getting a few groceries, doing some
shopping and I heard God say to me again, James 5, 16, confess your faults to one another
and be healed.
And so I rushed back to my mom's house and as soon as I walked in the door, I heard her
calling me from her room, Hey Jackie, come here, come here.
And I went in there.
And as soon as she saw me, she began to pour out her heart.
It was like something, there's something.
She began to pour out her heart about how she had some things in her life that she was
really ashamed of, things that she had never told anybody else.
Not her former husbands, not her best friends since she was five years old, nobody.
And she said, I really want to be free of these secrets that I'm carrying.
I keep asking God to forgive me of these things.
I'm so ashamed of these things that I've done, but I just never feel forgiven.
And I'm wondering if I was able to tell another human person these things, would that help
me feel like God has forgiven me?
And I said, mom, you're saying James 5, 16 right now.
God just told me that in the car when I was at the grocery store.
And she's like, wow.
She's like, well, I want to do this.
And I said, all right, I'm going to find you a pastor.
I'm going to find you a minister, someone you can confess this stuff to, someone who's
not going to judge you, someone who can feel like you have this privacy with.
And she said, well, I don't want to tell anybody else.
I want to tell you.
And so someone, when someone who has been a mystery to you all your life and you've
been estranged from them tells you all of a sudden that they want to tell you their
deepest, darkest secrets, that can get pretty scary, right?
And on the outside, I was like, okay, yeah, you can tell me anything.
But on the inside, I was like, oh, what's going to happen?
I don't know.
I don't know what's going to happen.
And you know, she even told me, you're going to hate me for this.
And I'm like, well, I don't know what she's about to tell me, what Pandora's box is about
to be opened.
But I just trusted and leaned into God that I was in this moment of grace with her.
And I'm so glad that God, I got an opportunity to be in that moment with her because as soon
as she began to confess, I saw the light returning to her eyes.
I saw the joy returning to her face.
And I was able to say, mom, I'm so sorry that this happened to you.
I'm so sorry that you felt like you were backed in a corner and that you had no options and
no choices and that you felt like you had to do these things.
And I forgive you and I love you and God forgives you and he loves you and there's no shame
in this.
Mom, I'm not embarrassed or angry at you at all for what you're telling me and you shouldn't
be there because I've heard this type of thing before, you know, and so often the enemy will
back us into a corner of secrecy and tell us, ah, you're the only person who's ever
done this thing.
You're the only person who's ever lowered themselves to this place.
And it's not true.
There are so many people who've experienced the same type of thing as you.
And unfortunately, sometimes when we speak our truth and we tell people the things that
have happened to us, especially for those of us that have been sexually abused within
family or by family, um, people don't believe us, or at least they say they don't believe
us.
And so we're met with that unbelief and we're met with doubt.
And if that has happened to you, I want to let you know that you still have the ability
to speak your truth.
Those people, it wasn't that they didn't believe you.
It's just that when you were telling them, um, they were held accountable to it.
And a lot of times when catastrophic things happen in family like that, people don't want
to admit that they believe you because that means that they're going to have to change
something.
And they might have to divorce that person that's hurting you, or they're going to have
to stay away from that family member, or maybe you're not going to be able to go back to
that school or that daycare anymore.
And they're just not ready to make those changes.
They don't want to make those changes.
And so they're like, ah, yeah, you're just making it up.
But they know you're not making it up deep down inside somewhere.
People know when they're hearing the truth.
I believe that.
And so I want to release you from that shame of being told that you're a liar for the people
that didn't believe you.
And if you're finally ready to confess again, I believe that God's going to put people in
your life that you can confess to, uh, even here in this community.
If you join this community, it's a safe space, a safe space where you're going to receive
the response of heaven for the things that you have to confess.
And part of this homework for this video is, is making that confession video.
Just go ahead and let us know, let us know what it is that you want to get off your chest.
There's such a great deal of freedom when we begin to, um, confess and forgive ourselves
and forgive others.
And so when my mom confessed, I was able to come into agreement with heaven, that she
was forgiven, that she was released from those things and those things didn't have any power
over her anymore.
And then guess what?
When she felt forgiven, she was able to forgive others, the other characters in the story
there's always other characters to our stories, right?
And the thing that you have to understand about this beautiful gift of forgiveness that
you give yourself and you give others is that it's not a feeling.
A lot of times there's no feeling associated with it.
And if you expect there to be a feeling associated with it, then you'll feel like you haven't
forgiven them.
And the next time they make you mad, you're going to feel like, oh, I didn't forgive them,
but it's not a feeling.
It's a supernatural transaction.
It's a, it's a, it's like canceling a debt that someone owes you.
And a lot of times there's some aftermath to whatever it is that you're forgiving, and
maybe you're still living in the consequences of that aftermath.
And so that makes it hard to forgive.
You still feel like you're being punished, whether it's something you did or something
someone did to you, but you're not being punished by God.
You might be punishing yourself, but God's not punishing you.
And guess what?
He doesn't want to punish them either.
He doesn't.
He wants to take what the enemy meant for evil, and he wants to.
turn it to everybody's good.
But the only way that he can do that is if we forgive.
When we forgive, we release God to take those ashes
and to make those things beautiful.
And so if you feel like you're still living
in the consequences of what other people have done,
other people's mistakes, other people's bad choices,
or if you feel like you're still living
in the consequences of your bad choices and your mistakes,
that probably means that there needs to be some forgiveness.
Because Romans 8.28 promises that God will turn all things
to the good of those that love him
and are called according to his purpose.
What does that mean?
It means he'll take even the worst stuff,
the most bitter stuff,
and he'll use it as an ingredient to bless you.
He'll mix some good stuff in with it,
and he will use it as an ingredient
to bless you and to prosper you.
And so if you don't have a beautiful story to tell
of reconciliation yet, like mine,
if you don't have a beautiful story to tell
of how God took those ashes and made them beautiful,
then it probably means that there needs
to be some work in this area.
And I believe Holy Spirit will highlight to you
that person that you need to forgive,
that thing that you're still holding onto.
A lot of times this comes in the form of memories
that make us feel negatively.
So when you remember that thing that happened,
when something brings it back up to your conscious mind,
you just, you feel embarrassed, you feel hurt,
you feel angry.
Anger is an emotion that is showing us
that there needs to be some confession,
repentance, or forgiveness.
Maybe you feel humiliated, you feel revengeful,
you feel bitter.
Whatever the negative emotion is that's coming up
when you think about that memory,
that is just evidence that there is something there still
that you need to release to God.
And so as that happens, I want you to really use
these homework worksheets that we've given you.
Don't just do one, don't just do two.
If you have a really troubled relationship with someone,
you may have to do 10 or 20 even for that one person.
Every single memory that you have of something
that they did to hurt you,
something that made you feel ashamed of yourself,
you wanna forgive that thing.
So, God, I forgive blank for the time
that they embarrassed me in front of my friends,
the time that they lied about me,
the time that they made up a rumor about me,
or I forgive myself.
Maybe you're gonna put yourself into that template.
You're gonna say, I forgive myself for making bad choices,
for choosing that person even though I saw the red flags,
for taking that job even though I didn't have a piece
about it in my heart,
for whatever it is that you feel like you did unworthily,
you're gonna put it in that blank.
Whatever has led to all those consequences
and all that aftermath in your life.
Maybe you lied about someone, maybe you hurt someone,
maybe you left someone, maybe you cheated on someone,
maybe in the story, you're the villain.
Instead of someone else being the cheater,
the beater, the liar, maybe that's you in the story.
Maybe the false identity that you took on was the liar,
the cheater, the beater, the user, the abuser,
and that's okay.
Because you're admitting that I made mistakes.
You're admitting when you fill this out
that you're worthy of being forgiven.
If other people are worthy of forgiveness,
then you certainly are worthy of forgiveness as well.
And so, we're perfectly imperfect.
We're never gonna be perfect on this side of heaven,
whether we're friends or not.
And so, it's really important that we understand
that we're gonna have to use forgiveness
as a everyday tool.
Every day, keep a short list, forgive easily,
forgive quickly, yourself and others.
One of the ladies in our mentorship
had an opportunity to do this just recently.
Her husband just ghosted her, not her boyfriend or husband.
He just disappeared after 13 years of marriage.
No note, no reason, just disappeared.
And so, she didn't have any closure.
You already see this in your reading assignment,
but closure is just a fancy word for forgiveness.
We don't feel like we have closure
because we haven't been able to forgive yet.
And so, something beautiful happened
as she began to do this heart workshop
and she began to deal with her heart
and forgive and release and confess and repent.
Guess what happened?
After many years of silence, her husband,
her former husband, her was-bend, as we call it,
just showed up out of the blue.
She ran into him somewhere.
And no, they're not getting back together
if you think that's the ending of the story.
No, he just showed up somewhere
and he's married and has a different family.
And of course, she knows about him,
even though he left her with no explanation,
they had to go through that divorce process,
that dissolution of their marriage.
So, she got little tidbits here and there,
but she never really had the, you know,
he never honored her or respected her enough
to have a face-to-face with her about what had changed,
why he had left, why he didn't love her anymore,
why he didn't think that they could be married anymore.
And so, when she ran into him,
he messaged her after that chance encounter and said,
hey, you know, you've been on my mind a lot,
even before I ran into you,
and I really would like to talk to you if you.
give me the opportunity. And so during that talk, he was able to ask for forgiveness.
He was able to tell her all the things that he was going through back then,
and was able to let her know that it wasn't her fault, that it was all him, that it wasn't her,
and to release her from any of the mystery that she was still living under. And she was able to
forgive him. She was able to release him. Now, a lot of us are not going to receive those type
of apologies, or at least not right now. And we have to be able to forgive those that are not
apologizing. And we can do that because remember, forgiveness is not a feeling. We can do that
through the power of Holy Spirit. So if you lean into this time of forgiveness for yourself and
for others, I believe that all that heavy lifting is going to be done by Holy Spirit, not by you.
And you're going to feel a freedom like you've never felt before, just like her. You're going
to feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off of your shoulders. A lot of times
when you do that template that I've provided you with at the end, when you ask Holy Spirit to show
you the truth about that situation, you're going to get some revelations about what really happened
in those situations. Not just the what have happened, but the why behind it. And that's
just going to come to you in all different forms. Sometimes it comes in a dream. Sometimes it comes
just in an aha moment. And all the time we receive peace to where we finally feel like we can move on.
All right, so make sure that you do your homework. This is a really important
homework assignment and I'm going to see you soon.