Bye-bye.
All right, welcome.
Thanks ladies for patience.
All right, welcome.
Thanks ladies for patience.
Hold on, we will fix this.
That's not supposed to do that, sorry about that.
All right, for comical laughs as we start tonight.
Make sure you all are muted as well.
I had a double, my new setup here with my Mac, it just, for whatever reason, turned
Zoom mic on automatically, I forgot.
So apologize.
Welcome to Monday night.
If you're joining us for the first time, we are so glad that you're here.
Tonight we are going to be talking about forgiveness.
It's okay if you're not quite to that part of the material yet, because if you've just
started, you're not going to be there yet.
You're still going to get a lot out of tonight's session and we are glad that you're here joining
us.
I'm going to go ahead and pray for us.
I have a couple of housekeeping items, but it almost sounds like the things I'm going
to share kind of sound like content.
So I'm going to go ahead and pray and get us started tonight.
Father, thank you so much for your amazing goodness, God, that you had a plan long before
we ever knew that we needed it to send your son Jesus.
And he chose to come and allow his body to be broken for his blood to be shed for the
forgiveness of our sins, for our freedom, for us, even in this moment tonight, for such
a time as this, for us to come into a deeper understanding of, of what it means to choose
forgiveness every single day, sometimes over and over again, and Lord, just to release
people into your care, God, to trust you with the outcome.
So Lord, we pray that you would just wash over every lady that's here live tonight,
as well as those that would watch the recording, God, that you would help them to hear what
your spirit is saying to them, that you would bring things to their remembrance that they
need to release and let go God, that the things that are in darkness can be brought
to the light so that they can step further into the fullness of who you originally created
them to be into your healing God, into your kingdom principles.
And just that it's not about rules.
It's about relationship that even as they choose forgiveness, they, they lean back in
to relationship with you and intimacy where the enemy has tried to come and steal and
kill and destroy God.
You sent Jesus to come and give us life and give it to us more abundantly.
And he made a way for us to be one with you through his sacrifice.
So Holy Spirit, we ask you also just to come and be here, be among our conversations weave
in and out and help us to hear what you have to say tonight.
We decrease so that you can increase and show us your glory, Lord, in Jesus name, amen.
If you're watching on Facebook, want to encourage you to come with us on zoom, because that's
where you're going to be able to go in the breakouts.
So I know you guys, I'm talking to you on zoom too, but we have a lot of ladies that
get confused.
You can't join the breakouts if you're on Facebook, if you if you can't join on zoom tonight that's totally okay, but I just want to make that clear for anyone that is confused about that.
That you guys come join us on zoom okay all right that's my first housekeeping thing I know there's a lot of things for some of y'all to learn.
But hey we're all being stretched and we're growing together, some of you guys, you never know what you're learning here is going to how it's going to benefit you later on, so even if it's frustrating for you, some of you guys have mentioned that.
Just allow God to give you the grace to learn something new and it's okay if you fumble through it sometimes you all that's part of even just the being kinder to yourselves is going to be a part of the theme tonight.
forgiving yourself, but also being kind to yourself, so if you make a mistake or you're not sure how to do something show yourself grace and kindness don't be so hard on yourself all right.
Okay, so healing as a journey is one of my first things I want to talk about, and the reason I want to bring this up is a lot of times what I have seen what we have found in these groups is that.
it's like people want to win the hard work parts kind of over and we start nudging some of you that will be soon finished into the next phase is relationship accelerator.
you'll want to keep hanging out here for a long time and that doesn't mean Facebook group i'm just talking about in the hard work phase and some of you might need some extra time in the hard work phase so it's okay if you do.
But don't hang like don't put yourself on the shelf again Okay, because the whole journey of hard work in the healing is for you to come out of hiding.
For you to come out of the time out that you put yourself in essentially and come back into the promise that God has for you regards.
In regards to your spirit mate and relationship, so I want just you to understand that healing is going to continue.
Even after you go into the love story accelerator some of you all, when you step back into dating some of you when you meet.
People and you're you know, trying to figure out, are they my spirit mate y'all it's gonna healing is going to come, even after you marry someone new.
Okay, so don't feel like you have to get it all done right now, and you can't move forward if you have areas that still need healed and and again we still have a little bit of time for those of you that started back on October 15.
But I just felt like it was important for you guys to understand that now, so that you don't start pumping the brakes and getting scared and the next week and a half, for those of you that will be ready to move on all right.
And because revealings for healing again they'll just keep continuing i've been married over a year and I don't know, three or four months now.
And God is still revealing things for healing and sometimes it involves my spirit mate and sometimes it just is things that i'm i'm in a safe place now.
And so it's safer for those things to come out and and God and his goodness knows the right timing and he knows the right timing for all of you as well.
want to encourage you guys to keep using your Jesus cares board Okay, so some of you guys haven't done it yet.
And not just the ones that are brand new some of you have been in here for a few weeks and haven't done it yet, so I want to ask you why why haven't you done it.
You know, want to encourage you to really lean into that we're giving you guys tools that will really radically change your healing process and the way you do life for like for good.
If you want to use them somebody asked well, what do we do like, how do we really implement these things well, this is one of the tools we're giving you.
we're teaching you how to physically activate and cast your cares on Jesus, and we would encourage you to keep visiting that Jesus cares board praying over those things releasing those.
Every day I saw someone's post even before I came in tonight.
And they're doing good but it's a struggle, they want to keep taking those things back but it's that reminder, yes, Lord I give these to you, thank you God that you're working in these situations.
i'm I literally there were times I laid my hands on those that board and I just thank God for working in them in ways that I couldn't even understand.
If you're new the Jesus cares board is going to be talked about maybe in the welcome video or the first week one and then in our first heart check in that you'll find in your portal, as well as the guide section.
That would have been maybe October 23 maybe i'm not sure on the date on that but just go in there and look for that and there's ladies that have already done there, so you can see some examples in the group as well.
So, as we start towards forgiveness con the concept in the conversation tonight we want.
Let's start out with last week.
We were talking about confession and repentance and our broken heart.
Um, and how there's, it's the puzzle it's, you know, confusing sometimes.
And, and what we want you to understand is that your broken heart.
Isn't Ford with you a lot of time.
Okay.
It's because it's leaning into these counterfeit identities.
It's leaning into the lies.
And so therefore a lot of times it's, it's going to mislead you.
Okay.
So understanding that when we start looking at forgiveness, there are going to be
times where you absolutely will not feel like forgiving someone.
Okay.
And we're going to talk about that a little more in a minute, but just
kind of tuck that away for a minute.
Confession that we talked about last week helps us come out of isolation and hiding.
We're saying, here are the sins that we committed.
We confess some of those to our sisters last week.
If you're new again, just kind of, just kind of hang out and hear it tonight.
Okay.
If you're not there yet, it's okay to just let this kind of fill in
and absorb into just where you're at.
But you you're coming out of hiding.
You're saying, okay, here I am, Lord.
You see all of me.
You love me, irregardless of the mistakes I've made of the things I've participated
in, and I'm choosing to turn away from those things now tonight, what forgiveness
does that we're talking about?
It brings closure.
Forgiveness brings closure.
You all, it enables you to let go of that thing.
And we're going to talk about this a little more as well and move forward.
Ephesians 4 32 says, forgive one another, just as God forgave you
because of what Christ has done.
Colossians 3 13 says, remember the Lord forgave you.
So you must also forgive others.
And then I wanted to read a Luke 23 34.
That was one that kind of came up at the last minute tonight.
It felt like the Lord wanted me to share this one as well.
Jesus said, father, forgive them for.
They do not know what they are doing.
And then they divided up his clothes by casting lots.
There are so many people you all.
And when, and when I say this, I am not excusing when people hurt us.
Okay.
We're not, we're not focused on that right now.
All we can do is take care of our own hearts and we are only responsible for us.
So tonight we're just talking about your heart and your life.
Okay.
So we forgive others because there are a lot of other people.
They are so broken and so hurt, hurt people, hurt people.
I think I heard that from Joyce Meyer.
So I can't claim that as my own, but you know, they don't know what they're doing.
Okay.
It's not excusing it, but that's reality.
That's truth.
So we have to just understand that we can't control them.
All we can do is say, okay, Lord, how do you want to help me?
Meet Bethany or me.
I'm going to look here.
Regina Chantel, Jenny, Rachel, how can you help me move forward so that I can be
free of the effects of these things that I have gone through at the hands of other
people at my own hands, sometimes ladies, it's things we've done postures and
bitterness and resentment and stuff we've lived in.
So it's all of it, all of it in one.
And just knowing here in Colossians 3 13, we forgive because God is like, it's
commanded, it's commanded to forgive.
So forgiveness is a choice.
It's not a feeling.
Okay.
So I'm going to table that again there.
We're going to come back.
I'm kind of giving you guys some nuggets to kind of help just start planting the
seeds and we're going to take it a little bit deeper in a, in a little bit here.
What we're going to do first, we're going to do a breakout real quick tonight.
Um, your first breakout session tonight is on vows.
When you guys first start, we do the never will I ever, this is kind of
similar, but it's a little different.
An inner vow is an agreement that you make with yourself to protect yourself.
It's like a self-preservation technique that we implement and we put up these
walls and we say, yep, nobody's coming past the sucker.
And these are some of the ways that we do it.
Never will I date, and I'm just making this up this name.
I never dated a Larry, but never will I date a Larry because Larry's are bad.
All Larry's and some of y'all for real have dated.
with the same name and multiple people with that same name have not been healthy. Don't know how
that happens, but it does happen y'all, but I'm not necessarily saying you have to date someone
like that again, but what I'm saying is we've got to let go of the vows. Okay. Maybe your inner vow
is I am going to gain weight so that I don't get attention from guys that I don't want.
I had that one earlier today and I thought, I don't know if this is really going to
settle for anybody or hit anybody. And it really helps someone be set free. So I felt like I should
share it again tonight. Maybe your inner vow is I am not going, I'm just going to stay like a
wallflower in this group. And I'm going to, I'm going to read people's posts and I'm going to
kind of watch on the lives, but I'm not going to participate. I'm not going to talk because it's,
it's not safe for me to come into community. I vow to never let anybody hurt me again.
So I am not, I'm going to, I'm going to keep everybody at an arm's length, you know,
and again, no shame. I'm just, these are real things that I see and have seen over and over
and over again. The enemy does not want you to come into community. So he will convince you,
even in a space like this, that you are not safe. And he will feed that vow with lies that keep
telling you that you can't, you can't, but tonight it's up to you to come out of that.
Every single one of us have a choice to say, you know what? No, I believe that I am a daughter of
the Lord and he has good things for me. He has good things for me. And I believe that he led me
to this community to lead me into all kinds of good things in addition to my spirit mate. Okay.
So I'm going to put you guys in those breakout rooms. And I see that someone thinks that was a
little too direct. That means the Holy spirit's probably talking to you. I love you. And we're,
I'm saying these things because the Lord's bringing them up. Y'all I do a lot of prep
before I come live on these things. I pray and I, I, I dig into things we've done in the past.
I look at your group and so bless you in the Lord. I hope this really ministers tonight and sets you
free. All right. So I'm going to put you in the breakout groups. You're going to have seven
minutes. If you've never done the breakout groups with us, yes, I am putting you in with someone
that you may not know, and you're going to get to know your sisters. You're going to get out of your
comfort zone and you're going to let, let the Lord help you open up and share. And it's going to be
great for all of our ladies that have been here a couple of times. Can I see a hand raised if it's
helped you to open up? Yep. Yep. Yep. Okay. So let's encourage our other sisters. Okay. Awesome.
Thanks ladies. It does help other ladies not be so nervous. Trust me. Y'all I've, I've been there.
I've been the nervous one before. So I say all these things and a lot of love. Okay. We're doing
groups of two to three, just cause we have a lot of people. All right, here you go. Go ahead and
accept that. And you're going to go into the room and share. I'll be praying for you guys.
Bethany, did you share what question we're supposed to answer?
I can put it in there for you, but you're talking about inner vows that you've made. Okay. Yep.
Hey, it's Lily. I was just in a room by myself.
Hi, it kept not showing my video and microphone at the bottom. I don't know if it's showing my
name now. I tried to get that fixed. I've been having a time tonight. I got,
I just got kicked out when I tried to fix it.
You're muted, Bethany.
Sorry. I was doing that so that, okay. Lily, what room were you in? I don't see where you were at.
Oh, you were. Yes. I see you. It's because Tony's at work. Okay. I put you in a new room. Go ahead
and accept that. And then who else needs to go into your room? I feel like I have a lot of people
sitting in the main room with me here.
was in a room alone as well.
Okay.
Remy?
Yeah, hold on one second.
Let me find you.
That doesn't normally happen with that many people.
I'm not sure.
Poor Sarah's like, why is nobody coming with me?
All right, room 16.
Send somebody there.
Why can't I find you?
Give me a second, I'll find you.
Oh, this is weird tonight.
I can't see all of your names like normal.
Sorry for those watching on Facebook right now.
This doesn't normally happen.
Bear with us.
All right.
I can't find you.
What room?
Do you know what room you were in?
Me?
Yeah.
I don't remember.
Okay, here we go.
Hold on, I see you guys.
I see several of you kind of just in this one room.
I'm not sure if the room thing messed up
or what happened here.
Let's just send you into rooms.
Okay, I found you, I found you, I found you.
Here we go.
Okay, go into room 22.
I think that should be...
Okay, why do I still have so many of you here?
I don't understand what's happening tonight.
Sarah, okay, I saw your message several times,
but then I sent someone into the room with you.
Did you guys both come back out?
Okay.
Never came in.
I think she was on her way.
I was working on it.
Yeah, that's okay.
All right, I will put you in.
I'm just gonna have you guys go into two different rooms.
Go ahead and join those.
I know Tony's staying with me.
Kim H.
Kim, I don't see you.
Are you hanging out with us
or are you wanting to go into a breakout room?
Okay, I'm just gonna start to move forward.
Okay, Father, thank you so much for every one of these.
Oh, you're back.
Sonia, is it Sonia?
How do you say your name, I'm asking?
Pronounce Sonia, but yeah, I was still alone.
Yeah, you weren't.
I put you in a room with two other people.
I don't know what's happening.
Cause now I can't even find you again.
I think I put you in 22, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, so Janice, I basically, like you came back out,
I put someone else in there with you.
So now she's sitting in there by herself again.
All right, so I'm gonna send you a room.
Just go ahead.
Like there should be someone coming on the way
if there's not someone in there already, okay?
All right, that's okay.
I just sent you another request, Janice,
because she came back out too quick.
Do you see it or no?
All right, let's try this one more time.
All right, there you go.
You should see that there for you.
I think ladies that are watching on Facebook,
I think we were just having a delay in IT tonight.
Sometimes that can happen.
Serena, come on to the Zoom with us.
If you scroll all the way up,
you're gonna see a Zoom link right in this Facebook thread.
You'll also see one in the Facebook group.
If it's too hard for you to find it in the thread here.
But to go in the breakout sessions,
you'll want to come on to Zoom.
All right, Father, thank you so much
for your amazing grace for healing.
God, thank you for releases and forgiveness tonight.
We know that even when there's complications with IT
or things don't go right, God, you are in control.
So Lord, we just thank you
that you would bless the conversations,
that you would bring forth healing,
that you would bring forth a release of peace.
God, we thank you that you're in the midst
of just bringing things to the forefront
so that there can be healing.
So Lord, we just declare your grace,
your healing, God, and your redemption
over every one of these ladies.
We thank you, God, for renewing them
by transforming their hearts and their minds
through Christ Jesus.
I thank you.
Thank you, God, that you would just give them a glimpse of what it meant when they were forgiven of their sins, like make it really real for them so that they're able to choose forgiveness tonight to walk in the grace of your forgiveness.
And we just thank you, Lord, for continuing to.
Yes, Lord fan the flames of hunger and thirst for your righteousness but also for relationship with you. God we thank you for continuing to bring anything to the surface that any remnants anything that where the enemy has had a foothold in any of these ladies
lives, Lord, we thank you that you would bring that to the forefront so that they can choose to come out of agreement and alignment with those things so that they can go further into relationship with you, Jennifer, thank you for posting that link for me again.
That's, that's super helpful appreciate you.
And we'll introduce you to here. Now that I see.
Okay, if you can't turn your video on tonight because I didn't tell you ahead of time about that.
Welcome back ladies there's like 1617 seconds for those of you we had some tech issues.
Not sure what was going on there but if you go into your room and nobody's there right away. Just, just wait. Okay, just wait there I know can be, it can be tough.
I will eventually see if you're sitting there by yourself too long. What happens sometimes is some ladies, their internet is a little delayed so it takes a little longer for them to actually get into the room.
And so sometimes you guys think you're by yourself and I don't see you so you come back and then it just creates kind of a log jam so just try to just try to stay there and if you're there for more than two minutes, and you still don't have someone, then, then you
And poor Janice or whoever that was was message Sarah was messaging me multiple times and I saw you, but I was trying to work to get someone in your room with you so just know that I see you guys okay and welcome back.
First want to do one thing I didn't realize Jennifer was on already with us want to introduce. We have a couple on heartwork moderators that are in helping me and Jackie Jackie and I in the group, and Annette winter you're going to see her commenting
And Jennifer Yankevich will also be another one doing that. They are amazing ladies you're going to start to get to know them a little bit as well so want to make sure you guys know Annette winter and Jennifer are one of our helpers they're part of our team.
So, receive them the same way that you would receive Jackie or myself as if they comment or say things to you in what you share in the group. Okay, so coming back, who is willing to share with the whole group, what you shared with your breakout group, what vow, are you choosing to come out of alignment with tonight.
Okay, Margaret Go ahead.
So yeah, I'm in my group.
Neither, neither one of us really felt like we really made any vows, the never will I ever things came up, but we had some questions, actually.
Um, what's the difference between a vow and a healthy boundary. So, like, I had never will I ever marry a man who likes horror movies casinos and drinking regularly.
Well, that's.
Yeah, so that's a boundary of Val is when someone has hurt you in some way, and you out of that hurt you're making an internal commitment that you're just basically saying this cannot be moved.
Okay, so I feel, I feel like that is, that is what that I was hurt by all those three things.
So how do I separate from a healthy boundary to say, I'm breaking the vow or, you know, well,
here, here, let's separate it this way.
Okay, your values and beliefs are separate than a vow that you're making like me saying, I am not going to let any woman come close to me ever again, because women hurt me is different than saying, I would rather not go to a casino or date someone that that gambles
because my values and beliefs, do not align with that.
That's different.
Okay. Okay. So if you're, if you were saying I'm setting a boundary here because my values
and beliefs, that's something that my preference, like a preference that you have versus a woman
caused me pain. So therefore most likely all women will cause me pain. Therefore I'm making
a vow to not let women get near to me. Okay. So I think the difference, I think I see the
difference, but I think what's come up is, um, I feel guilty. I feel guilty about actually
having those boundaries, like something's wrong with me, like I'm being judgmental.
So that I think is what's being stirred up with this whole thing. So that is something
I'm going to have to go to Holy Spirit with and find out, you know, why, why am I feeling
guilty about having these healthy boundaries? You sharing what you just shared. It sounds
so like so simple, so clear yet I'm sitting here going, I'm, I'm, my skin is crawling.
My skin is crawling because I'm feeling like, but that's me being judgmental. That's me
being judgmental. I can't do that. I can't tell somebody that they can't blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah kind of thing. Yeah. So there's a difference between, and I don't
want to go too far down this road, cause I want to stay over in the vow area. But there's
a difference between saying, I personally do not want to go gamble and I don't want
to date someone. And I'm just, I'm not telling you guys, you can't date someone that I'm
just using this cause you brought it up as an example versus you trying to tell them
what to do. Totally different things as well. God. So yeah. So sometimes even, even earlier
when I said, when we start to feel stuff like in our flesh, like, yeah, I mean, if it's
causing us to heal and deal with things, we are going to have a physical sometimes
response to that. So yeah, just write your questions. If you have more questions about
that, let's yeah, you're welcome. Go ahead and put those maybe in a post and we'll do
our best to answer those for you. Okay. So let's see. I have Rachel that I see. And then
is it Myla? Is that right? Okay. All right. So Rachel go first. And then Myla, if I'm
saying it wrong, tell me when you unmute after her. Okay.
For me, when you started talking about vows, I thought I've done a lot of breaking off
of vows. So I didn't know if I had something specifically, but as I started just kind of
asking the Lord, is there something there that I need to work through? I realized that
at some point, and I, I don't know when it is, but I realized I can't trust my feelings.
So I will not fall in love. And I was married for 17 years. And when my marriage ended,
I realized I didn't have any change of emotion toward my ex-husband than I did when we were
married. It was the same. It was just as easy to pick up my kids or drop the kids off and
interact with him as it was when we were married, because I never had feelings of being
in love with him. And so it was just a very, I think it was a fairly, it was an extremely
unhealthy marriage, but on my side, it was very platonic because I don't, I'm not allowed
to trust my feelings. So that was my vow. Very good. Sure. I'm going to come back to
it in a minute. Okay. Thank you so much for your courage to share. Okay. Is it Myla? Is
that how you say it? It's Myla. Myla. Okay. I will try to remember that. Yeah. So the
vow that I definitely have said that I was convicted of this week in the reading is,
because I've been hurt in friendships. One of the vows that I've made is like, I'm never
going to associate myself with that person again. And it has definitely caused me to
miss out on friendships as well as missing out on being able to share with that person,
like how it affected me instead of just like walking away from it and just letting them
deal with it. But then also having opportunity to have a conversation and maybe understand
like what was going on with them. And so definitely convicted by that and want to, you know, totally
do away with that because I want to be able to have healthier friendships with people.
Yes. So good. Ladies, both really, really great shares here. I want to touch on a couple of
things. When you were just talking, Myla, it made me think about the scripture and I
don't have it in front of me, but it talks about being at peace wherever it's possible for us.
So ladies, it's important to understand that, again, all
we're responsible for is our part. Like we might try to make peace with someone else or understand
why they did something they did and they may not be there yet. So that can be a tricky thing when
you're going through heartwork. And even after like, you guys are going to probably be ready to
like make things right with some people. And that's a great thing, but make sure you're Holy
Spirit led. If you're going to go have a physical conversation with them or even over the phone,
because they just might not be there yet. You might need to take some time to really pray for
them and pray for that. You know, is God leading you back to that friendship or is he just helping
you heal so that you have healthier friendships in the days ahead? So asking him for that clarity
as well is going to be really important for you. Um, also on when Rachel, when you said
can't trust my feelings, therefore I won't fall in love again. Wow. Yeah. I think the thing here
is like when we come out of that, out of alignment and agreement with that vow, we can actually
start trusting ourself again. You all so many times when we make mistakes and we make those
inner vows, we actually tend to bind ourselves to the inability to trust ourselves. So think
about that even, um, in other areas where you guys might really feel stuck. A lot of times it can be
because you actually, um, have somewhere made a vow to yourself or some kind of internal commitment
or shamed yourself, you know, allowed the enemy to come in and condemn you. Um, I saw Lillian had
a question too. If I say that no one will ever hurt me like that again, is that a vow or a healthy
boundary? It's a vow. It's a vow. A healthy boundary is, is again saying, you know, this is
what, where for me, so for example, if I have had a friendship where someone mistreated me,
I might say, um, this is as far as I can go in that friendship. So maybe for some friendships,
as far as I can go is a phone call every so often, if someone mistreats me, I don't have to
go right back close to them and allow them to mistreat me. I had a situation recently at our
church, totally different, but, um, the person really just did something toxic and they were,
they would message me on my direct cell phone at all random hours. And so the healthy boundary I
put in place is I will email them when I'm working on the hours that I work at the church only,
they cannot text my personal phone anymore. And if they do, I won't respond there. So I'm just
giving you that example because you guys might, that's a boundary. I'm, I'm saying when I work
for the church, you can contact me through my email at the church. You can't like, you can't
text my personal phone. That's setting a boundary. And I'm you, that's a very basic example, but like
a vow would be me saying, I will never be in relationship with that person ever again, because
they hurt me. Does that make sense? Do you guys, can you guys see the separation there? Okay. I'm
just trying to help make it a little bit more clear for you. And the reality is, I know it's
tough to hear it. Y'all people are going to hurt you. Love is a risk in any relationship. Love is a
risk y'all, but it feels so good when it's amazing and it's going well. So to feel the amazing stuff,
we have to be willing to also be vulnerable to people making mistakes. And at times us getting
hurt, but because you're healing and you're growing, you're going to learn how to heal,
handle the hurt in a more healthy way. Does that make sense? All right. Awesome. I see, um, Jen and
I'm going to be able to take Jen and, uh, Shana now, Chantal, I see you, but I'm gonna have to
have you hold. Cause I've got to shift us into the next part of the content. Okay. All right, go ahead
Jen and Shana. Is that right? Um, when we first started in the breakout room talking about vows,
um, my partner and I both didn't have any like conscious memory of vows that had been made,
but I was like, here's a 25 year pattern of behavior, um, that I have, which, um,
for me, I think every like quote relationship I've had since I was 14 years old, I'm 39 now,
um, has been like a situation ship. So when I first heard that term, I'm like, I invented that,
like, I don't do boyfriends. Like I don't commit to relationships, but I'll get into these like
really emotionally involved situations that sometimes last for several years, but I just
like never commit.
I realized something traumatic happened in my family
when I was 14.
And so realizing that that was my last like boyfriend,
if you can even call it that, cause I was 14,
but I'm like, oh, there is some sort of like,
though there wasn't like a conscious vow,
there is something going on in my soul
that doesn't want to put itself into a situation
where there could be a betrayal.
Yes.
Yes, let's sit there for a minute
because I also saw in the chat,
no one has to put up with abuse.
Yeah, absolutely all.
We're not talking about that right now, okay?
So if your mind's going there, it's okay that it is,
but understand what I'm talking about
is within the realm of healthy relationship,
anybody at any time can do something that hurts us.
That's what I'm saying.
Even in healthy relationships,
someone can do something and we can get super triggered,
but they're not even really doing something to hurt us.
Sometimes it can happen and it's not a trigger,
it's just we're hurt.
So that's the sphere I'm talking about right now, okay?
But on what Jen said, Jen, thank you
for being courageous and sharing that.
Yeah, sometimes ladies,
these are not gonna be conscious vows.
And I think that's a really, really good thing
to pull out of what she said.
Sometimes you're not gonna recognize them right now.
And in the days ahead,
this is gonna be something you can build on.
You can ask the Lord about,
and it's okay if nothing came to your mind tonight.
But what she's seeing now is back when she was 14.
And yes, you know what, even when you're 14,
if you had a boyfriend,
you can call that a legitimate boyfriend.
You had feelings, you put something into that.
So I just wanna validate you in that too.
But if there's something to that,
really encourage you to lean into the Lord
and see what is he trying to reveal there.
Maybe you did make a subconscious inner vow
when you went through whatever that hurtful situation was.
Okay, go ahead.
Hi ladies.
Okay, I'm gonna try to articulate this the best that I can.
It's just kind of the Holy Spirit's stirring
and encouraged me to share.
But just like Jen said,
mine I think is kind of a subconscious vow that I've given,
but it's also been brought to surface
in a lot of situations.
Recently, a big thing for me is I wanna be in control
and releasing things to the Holy Spirit
is sometimes just a little bit of a wrestle.
So I think right now, as I'm going through this program,
it's been a healthy tension of understanding
that the Holy Spirit is in charge.
And my vow specifically would be,
I don't wanna say anything that could be negative,
reflective of my character or personality.
Or it's really, I have a desire,
I think like a lot of us do,
and that's expressed to be valued, to be appreciated,
and you fill in the blank.
But I think the more I grow in the maturity of my faith,
the more I question leaning into harder conversations,
whether it be on scripture
or on something that I'm processing,
because I second guess myself, like, is that right?
Is that scripture right?
Am I approaching this in the right way
if somebody questions me?
And so I tend to clam up,
even though I'm in community
and I had great conversations
and I'm not afraid to bring things up,
the more I'm opening up,
the more I find myself putting up walls to say,
well, maybe they won't respond well,
so I'm just not gonna say anything.
And it tends to happen with people I'm closer to
than people I'm working in ministry with,
if that makes sense.
So if somebody is asking me
to help them process through something,
I feel like I can separate the emotions,
but when it has to do with my own relationships
or people I'm walking through life with,
I'm like, maybe I shouldn't say that
because somebody might get upset or disagree with me.
So I hope I articulated that okay.
You did, you did.
Yeah, it's great.
Can anyone relate to her?
Like you hold back saying things
that you're feeling maybe or thinking,
and you know, sometimes we do.
I mean, the Bible tells us
we need to be careful about our tongues, right?
So again, keeping it in that healthy box of,
yeah, we need to ask the Holy Spirit
for wisdom and balance,
but man, think back, okay?
Ask the Holy Spirit if that's you
and you're relating to what she said,
when was the first time you felt like
when you've-
waste your opinion or put your heart out there, vulnerably that someone shut you
down, that it wasn't okay to have that thought.
It wasn't okay to have that feeling, you know, just kind of like I shared it
briefly, I didn't go into it in depth, but like, now that I'm in a safe and
healthy marriage, I'm like processing stuff from my divorce, from my childhood.
I wasn't safe enough to do that before.
And now I'm in this safe space and have the capacity because I'm not in
fight or flight mode all the time.
I'm actually in a safe place so that my spirit and my soul and my body can really
process.
So maybe you guys are going to experience very similar things and that's okay.
So giving yourself that space to say, okay, like, why do I think that people
will leave me?
Cause kind of, that's what she's saying there.
People may not like me or accept me if I, if I say this thing.
So I'm kind of elaborating on it, but the other thing too, uh, Shana that I
thought of is when people are closer to us, y'all guess what?
It's a higher risk.
It's kind of like what I think Jen was the one that was saying, um, you know,
you're afraid of betrayal or you're afraid of that.
I don't know if that's exactly what she said, but like that, that risk of
getting hurt when someone is close.
So if you let them in closer to become a committed relationship that would move
towards marriage, what will it mean if you actually express yourself and they're
not okay, then what do you do?
You know, so those are some of the things you'll have to ask the Holy
spirit about, and he'll help you navigate that stuff.
All right.
It's really important for us to take a shift.
So I'm going to kind of, we're on the same, we're on the same path.
We're going to kind of take a little bit of a shift.
We're going to start turning more towards the forgiveness aspect.
Okay.
So we start talking about forgiveness is not a feeling.
It's a choice.
You guys can read the book.
Some of you guys have already read it.
Some of you won't be here yet.
That's okay.
But I just want to draw this out tonight.
When you think forgiveness is a feeling you'll tend to forgive and take it back.
Forgive and take it back because you're basing it on how you feel.
But forgiveness is not a feeling.
It is a choice.
Again, we go back to scripture and we see that it's something that we're
asked to do it because we have also received forgiveness.
Okay.
So want to bring this out as well.
True forgiveness is a supernatural debt cancellation transaction.
You're saying I am canceling this debt that I have been
internally saying you owe me for this.
That's what it's doing you all.
So you're, you're basically saying, I'm going to rip up my, I owe you or
you owe me whichever way it goes for you tonight, because some of you guys
have some where you feel like you owe people something, and, and some of
those people are going to hold that toxically over your head.
Like you owe them because you made some kind of a mistake.
Yeah, you don't.
Okay.
All right.
So we all owe debts.
Okay.
At some point, one, one time or another, when someone wrongs us, they
sin against us and they, we think owe us a debt, these people in their
debts are literally tied to you in the unseen realm when we don't forgive.
Okay.
So what I want you to, you guys last week, remember I talked about the
tether pole, the tether ball game, and you got the pole and the ball on the string.
Yeah.
So it's the same kind of concept, but tonight and this week and this whole
days ahead, the forgiveness journey is about cutting that string.
You're, you're setting that ball free.
You're setting yourself free.
You're setting the other people free.
And you're saying, I trust you, God, father, the father of heaven and earth,
the maker of all things.
I trust you to handle them.
The Bible says that vengeance is his not ours.
So tonight I want to encourage you guys to also understand that it's when we
choose to forgive, it's also when we cut soul ties, we, we, it's another way of
cutting a soul tie and releasing them as well as ourselves.
Okay.
So want to talk a little bit about the prayer sheet.
Um, you guys have this in your, for those of you that are not at the current week
yet, you will eventually have this.
So please don't message us about this because when you get to that week,
it'll open up automatically for you.
So just kind of absorb this and know that this will come for you eventually.
Um, so the forgiveness prayer sheet, you guys have that worksheet.
those of you that are in this week right now, you're going to want to do this forgiveness prayer
sheet for every character of the story in any areas where you have unforgiveness. Okay. So what
I mean by that is you're going to some, you're going to do it for others, people that have harmed
you in some way or another that you need to forgive. And you're also going to do it for
yourself. Now, again, if there has been any kind of abuse, when you have been under the age of
accountability, so you're 18, like you're under 18, this does not apply to this. You do not have
to ask for forgiveness for things that people did to you. You didn't have a choice. Those things
were done to you. Okay. Is everyone on the same page here? I'm talking about 18 and up right now.
If you played a role in something that there is a situation that you still feel bound to that you
haven't been able to forgive yourself, or you haven't been able to forgive the other person,
those are all things that you want to release and you want to let those things go. Okay. So again,
anyone that played a role in the story, and I want you guys to think about this as well. When we don't
choose to forgive, not only are they tethered to us and bound, like literally it's almost like
we're handcuffing ourself to these people. It's kind of creepy if you think about it,
but some of you also are holding yourself hostage.
And it's like internally, without you even realizing it, it's like you feel like you can
never pay the debt. You can never get out of that place. And you just keep shackling yourself to
this stuff. The Bible declares, I said this this morning is coming up in my spirit again.
When we ask for forgiveness and we receive it, our sins are as far as the East is from the West,
you guys expansive. And God says he remembers them no more, but the enemy who is the accuser
of the brethren is the one that comes back and tries to get us to keep remembering it and not
be able to move forward. But see again, the enemy is the one who comes to kill, steal and destroy,
but Jesus Christ came to give us life and give it to us more abundantly. So we can,
by the power and the blood of Jesus Christ, step into the freedom and the authority
that we have been given and forgive and be like literally break free tonight. Some of you all need
to let this stuff go. And I know it's not easy. Okay. So this stuff is stuff I've dealt with. I
still deal with it. Even people today, you know, things that happen. We have like, if we want to
walk in eternal things, we like it's choosing to forgive it's choosing grace. It's choosing mercy.
The mercies of heaven are new for us every single day. So why don't we want it to be
available to other people? That's something in us that needs to shift tonight.
Okay. Forgiveness will come for you in waves, not in a bad way, but like some of you are like, man,
I've already done. And even some of you will say in your post, I've done counseling for years.
And I did too. I'll just say I did too. Before I came into my boot camp, I kind of felt the same
way, man. I've been around this mountain so many times, like I've forgiven, you know, all the
sexual abuse and stuff that I'd been through. Like I forgave everything that I knew to forgive,
but it was still holding me back. And I couldn't understand until I like, God just kept teaching
me and teaching me and teaching me before I even came into this boot camp, he started talking to
me about the layers, the layers of forgiveness. And it started making a lot more sense to you all.
So I want, if any of you are beating yourself up, like I have done everything and I just can't break
free from this thing. I'm trying to forgive them. And I don't understand why I still feel so bound
to this thing or why is God bringing that up again? I'm done with that. Like I want to be
done with that. I did too. I did too. So I'm saying this because I can resonate with you all.
I really can't even still to this day, there are things I would rather not have to go back and
revisit, and it's not even revisiting the same exact thing. And that's what I want to hone in on.
The layers are, are typically, God is showing you a new aspect of what happened. So for example,
even when Jen was sharing, I can't speak for her, but it sounded to me like this was a new revealing
about that situation and how it impacted her and then led her to make an inner vow.
So maybe your new discovery is going to be a little piece that you
saw the situation you asked, you know, you forgave them, but, but God's trying to show
you another piece of that, that has kept you bound. So even when it's hard, ladies, I want
to encourage you to still, you don't have to go all full immersive back all the way into that.
Some of you guys, I know your hearts are probably pounding. You don't have to go into every single
detail of that, that situation. Again, you don't just ask the Lord, Lord, what are you trying to
show me? That's new about this. Cause see, he doesn't want you to be down in this depressed
state either. So don't feel like you have to go all the way back, only go where he's leading you
to go. And that's why we encourage you guys to not dig. We don't want you to dig. We want you
to ask the father to reveal things for healing. Okay. I'm going to read something over you guys.
Yes. I think I saw a question forgiveness, prayer document. It is in your Jackie doorman.com
portal. Again, for those of you that aren't in that week yet week four, you will get it when
you get to week four. So that's the tough thing. When we, when we talk about this, there are some
people that are further along than you right now, but you will get it in. And it is also in the book.
If you want to look there as well. Um, okay. Sorry, I lost. Okay. I want to read this over
you guys and I'm going to get you ready for your next breakout, your next breakout session. I
forgot to tell you guys the question before you went in there the last time. Um, I will try to
always broadcast that when you go in the groups. So, you know, it will come that way as well.
Who do you need to forgive tonight and why, and don't feel like you have to list them all out,
unless you really feel like you have to, but when you go in your breakout room, let's just focus
on one person and one situation that the Holy spirit's revealing to you so that you guys have
enough time to, you know, each of you talk. Okay. Before you go in, this is from the book,
but I felt led to read it over you guys. Cause it kind of helps you release this stuff. Father God,
maybe you, maybe some of you guys might even need to, that really feel anxious about this,
put your hands out, maybe close your eyes, let this wash over you before you go into the breakout
room. Father God, thank you for giving me a heart. That's willing to forgive.
I choose to obey your word and release those who have hurt me and owe me debts.
I ask you to show me the areas where I have not forgiven myself, others, or even you let them
surface fully so that I can release them to you and be free in those areas to have an abundant
life. Holy spirit come and plow every place in my heart that is barren right now because of hurt,
pain, anger, or bitterness so that I can grow your fruit of peace, joy, and love in my life
and Jesus name. Amen. Amen. All right. So I'm going to put you guys in there.
Blessings over you guys. I'm been praying for you and I'm excited to hear breakthroughs happening
from tonight. Okay. I'm going to recreate these rooms. Let's Lord bless our room breakouts. Let
this work and work really well. All right. There you guys go.
All right. Click to join. Click to join.
Wanda, can you click to join? And Lindsay, if you can click to join.
All right. Make sure I don't have somebody waiting.
Lindsay, if you're able to click to join out and if you can hear me, if you're able to,
sometimes it's delayed for some of y'all go ahead and click to join your room.
Father, thank you so much for so many good questions and conversation tonight.
I thank you for revealing these areas for healing. I thank you for continuing to refine us, God,
to creating us clean hearts. Oh God. And renew steadfast spirits within us.
God, I thank you that you would help us to see ourself through your eyes and that we wouldn't be
in a heart posture of limiting ourselves and limiting where you want to take us in the days
ahead. God, I thank you that you desire us just even as Psalm 68 declares that you'll set the
solitary and families.
So even if we've experienced pain and turmoil and struggle
in our biological families and maybe even church families
and friendships, God, I thank you that in this new day,
you're doing a new thing.
You're healing us from the inside out.
You're restoring all the broken and fallen places.
And Father, I thank you that you're rewriting our story.
Help us to hear what your Holy Spirit is saying to us
that you would shut the mouths of lions
and help us to hear the sweet presence and fragrance
of your Holy Spirit, your comforter.
You are the comforter.
You're our counselor.
You're our guide.
And you can lead us into all truth
and anoint us for all of our lives
and walk in calling and lead us deeper
into Jesus Christ this day.
God, I thank you that we are the head and not the tail.
We are above only and not beneath.
We're blessed when we go in and we're blessed
when we go out.
We're blessed when we rise up
and we're blessed when we lie down.
If we will obey all the commandments of the Lord,
those are blessings declared over us, ladies,
if we live for the Lord and walk in his ways.
So Lord, we thank you for that.
Psalm 139, excuse me, 14 from the Amplified said,
I will give thanks and praise to you
for I'm fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works and my soul knows it very well.
1 John 3, 20 from the Passion Translation says,
whenever our hearts make us feel guilty
and remind us of our failures,
we know that God is much greater
and more merciful than our conscience.
And he knows everything there is to know about us.
God, thank you that you know the inner workings of our heart.
God, that we are the apple of your eye.
God, and that you are continuing to lovingly invite us
into a deeper relationship with you.
God, you don't force us, you're a gentleman.
God, we thank you that you would heal the wounds
of every woman in this group that are here live,
watching the replay,
those that will hear it in weeks to come.
God, that you would just allow them to sense your presence
in a new way, that they wouldn't fear you,
that any way that the enemy has lied to them
and tried to defame and put down your character, God,
that they would have a new understanding
of who you are, God, that you are love,
that you are good, that you are faithful,
that you are kind, God.
And that, yes, Lord,
that you would even go to hell and back for them.
Your word declares that if we were to make our bed in hell,
you would still go there and in your search for us.
So Lord, we just thank you for your mercy, for your grace,
for your healing rivers to flow free from heaven tonight.
I thank you, Lord, that you and your word declare
in Revelation 21, four,
that you will wipe away every tear from our eyes
and eliminate death entirely.
No one will mourn or weep any longer.
The pain of wounds will no longer exist
for the old order has ceased.
God, I thank you that your word declares
if we will confess our sins one to another,
that we can be healed, that we can be restored.
God, I thank you that you give us the courage to forgive,
the grace and the dedication and commitment to you.
God, that we would meditate on the truth
that we are loved unconditionally,
that we are forgiven by the blood of Jesus Christ, by you,
and we can confess our sins and repent and be restored.
And I just thank you, God,
that you would help us to extend that same level
of forgiveness and grace and love to others.
Thank you, Lord God.
I think that it actually says in Matthew 6, 14 through 15,
but if you withhold forgiveness from others,
your father will withhold forgiveness from you.
Lord, help us to understand.
We don't wanna miss out on your forgiveness
when we need forgiveness.
So thank you, Father, again,
that you would help us to step into forgiveness
and step into healing and grace and life.
We thank you for the reality that forgiveness
is not saying that what they did wasn't wrong.
Forgiveness is not condoning what they did.
Forgiveness is not letting them get away with what they did,
but it is a supernatural law
that operates in the spirit realm
that says, I choose to forgive.
I choose to release this person.
And Father, I thank you that you can work in their lives.
I thank you that even when I don't understand,
I trust you with that person.
It doesn't mean we have to invite them back into our lives.
It doesn't mean we have to be up close
and connected to them.
We can set healthy boundaries, but we are required.
As the Bible says to forgive if we want to be forgiven.
God I thank you that in Isaiah 61 three it says to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes God I thank you that you are repairing every breach that you are giving us beauty for ashes.
I thank you God that you're putting on our heads the oil of joy for morning, God where we have been in morning in the past maybe we've been still are walking around with sackcloth on even if it's not externally, we're walking around in the morning
in the grave clothes internally.
You want that for us you want us to be fully alive and fully engaged in this life. So Lord help us to come out of hiding help us to come out of the grave and come into fullness of life God.
Yes, Lord, I thank you that a relationship with you father with you Jesus and with you Holy Spirit is fun. There's adventure there's life there's hope and there's blessings far beyond what we can ever ask think or imagine, and they can happen for us in this
world today that we can see the goodness of God in the land of the living.
Yes, Lord, we thank you that we're going to experience amazing blessings and eternity when we get there one day but you also say that your sons and daughters who live according to your word can receive your goodness now.
So are we just pray that you would even increase hope tonight.
Increase hope, help them were to keep stepping into forgiveness and freedom and life in Jesus name. Welcome back I think we have everyone back, almost, I think everyone's here.
All right.
You guys ready.
We're about to, we're about to embark in the next part. Alright so who is willing to share with the group what you shared with your breakout, and on the forgiveness, especially, I want to encourage you guys just to speak for yourself maybe in how the ladies have been
you know the conversation in the group is okay but just never step into sharing someone else's story okay. All right.
All right, Meg, and Samantha so we'll do Meg first and then Samantha.
And forgive me if my voice breaks a little bit or sound a little grimly. I've got major allergies today.
So, I think for me one of the ones that came up with my daughter's father, and not so much for like what happened in our relationship like him and me like that I feel like I have forgiven pretty well over the years, but how he's hurt my daughter.
And that came up as this like, you know, you can hurt me all you want, but it's a mama bear reaction like you hurt my kids and now we have a big issue and that's much harder to forgive.
We had a conversation about the hard part of forgiving ourselves for all of the things and our parts and things and how easy it is to forget, like I think you forgave yourself, and then you find yourself doing the exact same thing and you're all over again.
Yes. Thank you for sharing that and I don't you know I would just want to support the moms on here. If you're relating to what Meg said, it is hard.
I want you to know even, you know, I don't have biological children yet I have a stepson I have two spiritual daughters and now I have two stepdaughters.
And that's just increasing our quiver, but my quiver I guess but, you know, especially the one that I felt it the most with is my spiritual daughters watching both of their parents continuously do things that harm them and hurt them it is hard.
But one of the things I just try to always remember, and it's not excusing their behavior I just always for me I'm not saying this will work for you guys, but I just try to remember what I said earlier hurt people hurt people.
And, you know, trying to set boundaries when we can for our kiddos on and just always being quick to take that stuff to the Lord because if you don't take it quickly.
That's how the bitter roots can take hold. Okay, big, especially if they do similar things over and over and over again.
And the bitter root can actually if you guys don't know this a bitter root can actually stop the flow of the Holy Spirit into your life, it doesn't mean that it's not still flowing that that bitter root will block it for you.
And so if any of you guys are really feeling like I don't hear God, and he's not talking to me and I don't feel this, the presence of the Holy Spirit.
He loves you I just want you to know that first and foremost he asked the Father, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit they love you. They love you.
And they will help you with the process of that bitter root, you don't have to go in and get that out of there yourself just so you know you don't have to go in and get that out of there yourself just so you know you don't have to wait for God to come
I've got to get your shovels out tonight, ladies, but what I would encourage you to
do is ask the Lord just to help you take the next step towards forgiveness and come out
of alignment with those attitudes and mindsets of bitterness.
One of the ways you can do that is really cultivating a heart of gratitude.
You guys praise and Thanksgiving and gratitude will war against bitterness and unforgiveness
and resentment.
I feel that in the Holy Spirit.
Some of you guys really need to get a hold of that.
And I don't mean that in a bad way.
I have to get a hold of it all the time.
Anytime I catch myself being critical or caught up in bitterness or resenting people that
are hurting me, or even just making bad choices, you know, that affect other people that I
love.
If I shift into praise and worship and start thanking God for everything he's done, everything
he is doing, you guys, that stuff just cannot stay in the same space.
It can't light will always overcome the darkness always, always.
And I'm not saying it's easy.
There are times that, you know, the Bible will talk about the sacrifice of praise.
Y'all I've been on the altar crying.
It like almost hurts to worship in a sense.
It doesn't, but it's like that sacrifice.
Sometimes it is, it is a sacrifice of praise, but God will meet you in that.
He will, he will meet you right there.
Thank you Meg for sharing that.
I think that's powerful and I appreciate you sharing and we'll be praying for you and your
daughter and for anyone else, for your, you and your kiddos.
I'm sorry.
I know I said who was next and I have forgotten who it was now.
I think it was me, Napa.
Okay.
Yes.
Go ahead.
So my person, like I'm a teacher and several years ago, one of the jobs I had my principal
for whatever reason, just had it out for me and got me fired.
And I mean, it was an ordeal to go before the board and everything.
And my students, parents were furious because they loved me and couldn't understand what
was going on.
And I just, I know, like, I hate this woman.
Like this happened probably, I think like seven or eight years ago.
And I still know, like if I saw her in the grocery store, I'd be like all the feelings
would just be right there up at the surface.
And like, I was telling my partner in the breakout room, like I have an excellent supervisor
now and she's amazing.
And like, even if she'll call me and be like, Hey, like, you know, give me a call.
I need to talk to you about something immediately.
I'm like, Oh my God, what'd I do?
What'd I say?
Am I getting fired?
And it's like, I know that I need to release that and forgive her.
So.
So good.
Yes.
You all sometimes, you know, some of this stuff is spiritual warfare too.
I was reading, I was going to try to find it, but I won't try to sit and flip through.
I was reading in a book this morning and it was talking about how, you know, the enemy
will actually set up assignments to hold us back where even someone can speak over us.
Like you're not ready to be promoted or, you know, whatever.
And this is a little different from what you're sharing, Samantha, but it made me think about
that.
Cause when I read that this morning, I was like, Oh my gosh, that happened to me before.
And so even in situations like this, where it's like, wait, why, why is this person,
why do they have it out for me?
Sometimes you just don't understand.
I will say a lot of times that that is spiritual warfare.
It's an assignment against you to try to keep you from fulfilling the promise you're actually
here to accomplish.
And God is on our side and he will come in and defend us.
Sometimes it, it doesn't work out the way we thought though.
Right.
And we're going to talk about that in a little bit.
Sometimes it's breakthrough.
You guys will hear more about this next week when we look back and we're just like, Whoa,
look at everything.
I grew God.
It wasn't God doing that, but God will absolutely use it to transform us.
Right.
So forgiving them, releasing them and letting them go.
Okay.
Ashley, go ahead.
And then I'm going to do our last portion of the night here.
So I, in my breakout group, the person that I have the hardest time forgiving is me.
And the only way that I can think of to like make an example is if you've ever seen my
big fat Greek wedding where the dad, like take, give me any word and I can tell you
how it's Greek.
My daughter's father was unfaithful.
That's my fault because I picked him and that wouldn't have happened to me if I didn't pick
him.
And that I take that everywhere with everything, that every bad decision that I've ever made,
the things in my life that aren't great, aren't great because of me.
Okay.
I'm going to, I'm going to, you don't have to answer it now, but if this is, if anyone
else is relating to this, first of all, thank you for sharing.
And being vulnerable.
What I hear in my spirit is somewhere when you were younger.
I don't know if someone told you is your fault or you thought something was
your fault. That was not your fault.
That's what's coming up in my spirit.
So you might not even know right now,
but I feel like the Lord wants to reveal something to you where you took
something on yourself. That was,
we kind of talked about this a little bit last week too,
where we take things on ourself that are not our fault.
And so then when we go into other relationships and scenarios,
if anything goes wrong, it's all our fault.
And sometimes, you know, some of the people, if they're really toxic,
they will actually try to convince you that it's your fault.
So I've been there. So just know ladies,
I fully understand the mental games people can play. Okay.
So Ashley, thank you for sharing.
I would encourage you to just to really sit with the father in those
spaces where you still are struggling with feeling like those are things are
your fault because they're not in the Lord wants to come in and speak truth
to those areas. So in this process, ladies,
for those of you that haven't gotten to this part yet,
when the revealing for healing happens,
it's not just God revealing the area that needs healed.
It's us asking him to also give us the truth that we can now cling to that
will replace the lie.
So anytime you guys have the revealing for healing,
spending time with the Lord. And I kind of touched on this last week,
asking him for the truth. If you don't hear God speaking to you, you know,
whether you know, in your spirit or whatever, always the word,
the word can, that is who he is.
So if you don't feel like you hear from God,
go to his word in his word is so much life and truth.
The word will cut through bone and Merrill.
It will bring healing and life to the most broken parts of us.
If we will allow it to.
And if you don't feel that way, when you open the word,
just ask the father to help you ask him to help you receive the word in a
fresh way. He wants, he wants to come to your aid.
Okay.
Bless you. We're going to be praying for you.
And I think God has some really,
really good things in store as you lean into that.
As we start to kind of turn the corner, ladies,
the last thing I want to talk about on this forgiveness aspect.
Is how do we know that we've truly forgiven someone?
This is how.
When we no longer identify them as the sin they committed.
And I know this is going to ruffle some feathers. I get it.
I know there's diagnosis has been done by counselors and all of that
stuff.
But God did not create us to label people.
As liars, cheaters.
You know, narcissists, you know, whatever our label is. Yes.
I understand there's clinical background and support for some of that
stuff.
I get all that, but what I'm saying, isn't we,
it's not saying we can't acknowledge that those people operate in those
tendencies.
And struggle with that kind of stuff.
That is yes, they do. They do.
Cause that's why they're behaving the way that they have,
but they are not that.
And this is how I'm going to help you guys shift from their name
calling and labeling people.
Into where, where God wants you to go. This isn't just us saying, okay,
you have to do this.
You have to do this.
We don't want to be labeled.
We don't want to be labeled for our own sins.
We don't want to be labeled.
For our own bad actions.
God wants you to, this isn't just us saying, okay,
you have to go this way.
It's us knowing like this is the way to freedom.
Do you want to be labeled?
Do you want someone to label you for any sin that you have committed?
I'm going to guess the answer is probably no.
I will speak for myself.
I don't want to be labeled for the mistakes I've made in my life.
I don't want to be labeled.
That because I had sex before I was married, when I was young.
I, you know, I, I didn't even really fully know what I was doing.
But that's what I learned as a little kid.
I was just like perpetuating what I learned.
And I'm not excusing it, but that's reality.
I don't want to be labeled by that.
I don't want to be labeled.
So I don't want, I don't want to label other people.
And yes, it's been hard.
At times. Yes, it has been hard. Absolutely.
I'm going to tell you guys a little story here in a minute.
And I've been through a lot of different stuff.
But this is, this is part of us letting go. Okay.
When we don't label them anymore.
Okay.
they got hurt as well and they just haven't healed and that's why they do the things that they do.
It doesn't mean we have to invite them, come back into my life, come hang out with me. No,
that's not what we're saying. We're just saying for you to be free, for you to like the choice
to stop labeling them as you know these negative things will be a huge way that you know that
you've really kind of stepped into that forgiving them so you can ask God to help you see them as
his son and daughter. Help me father to see the gold in these people. We again we don't have to
go back into relationship with them but maybe God can even like in the books when she talked about
you know asking God just to help you have grace to forgive or I forget the story that
she told but it's powerful. You know the Lord understands how hard it is sometimes
to do this but he also knows how beneficial it is for us to do it.
So we can ask God to show us who he originally created them to be and we can speak into that.
Again it's not it's not ignoring reality but it's extending grace to them that we want to receive
and yes you can absolutely set those healthy boundaries that we were talking about earlier
and they are very needed in a lot of situations. Even some of us we're about to go into Thanksgiving
and Christmas soon. Some of us have some crazy family dynamics. Everybody's got a little bit
of crazy all right. You know it's real but let's go in with a different heart. Let's not go in
terrified this this season. Let's go in like God you're healing me. I've seen some breakthroughs
you guys have written in the group. I've been so excited about some of you guys are already
experiencing like yeah that person's doing and saying the same thing but you're not being
impacted the same way. Hallelujah. Praise the Lord. That is awesome and you're gonna you guys will all
start to see that and experience that and if you're not there yet it's okay. Just go back to
the Lord and say is there anything else I need to forgive them for because something's still
triggering that in you and I'm speaking to myself too. The people at the church have been really hard
lately and so God's trying to help me forgive a lot of people in this season as well. So where do
we need to take background? This is going to be my closing tonight. We're not going to do I wanted
to do a breakout in it but if you guys feel like you want to share it you guys can do that in the
group. Don't feel like you have to. This isn't homework but my story I want to close with tonight
is when I was the guy that I dated before I kind of took my break and before I came into boot camp
and everything it's my spiritual daughters their dad. He's the one I think I shared with you guys
for those of you that are new you wouldn't have heard this yet but he's the one that I was in
relationship with for almost six years. He cheated on me all the time. He put me down a lot of abusive
stuff a lot of a lot of he operated this is where we separate he operated in a lot of narcissistic
and sociopathic tendencies and so that was kind of the way I was living for those six years.
Towards the end about six months before I broke things off with him
I had this really exciting opportunity come up for work went to New York City and had an
incredible time. I had this rep there that was showing me around town. I mean it literally was
one of the best trips I've ever been on sincerely. I bought my I love New York t-shirt. I was so
excited. I was proud to wear it. I really did like I was like yep six months later
there was someone that this guy worked with that his family someone this guy was getting married
in New York and he kept planning this trip for New York but he wasn't like including me and it
was so weird at the time. I was like what's going on so he took his two daughters to New York with
him came back. I went on a totally different trip. I'm like well whatever you know I'll go do my
own thing come to find out one of the women that he repeatedly cheated on me with he made this
whole elaborate plan that he was going to meet her there. I don't know how he thought he was
going to work that out with his daughters with him and I don't want you guys to get stuck here.
There's there's a positive point that I'm about to bring you here for a little while after that
came out when I would look at that I love New York shirt I couldn't even bear to look at it
and I didn't put it on for a really long time because all I could think
about was what he did and that he was trying to do that in New York.
So here's the good part.
As I was going through my healing process, God started talking to me about that.
I love New York shirt.
I would see it in my drawer and he would nudge me, like, put it on.
I'm like, no word.
I don't want to put it on.
Like, I don't know, like, I don't like New York now, like I just, but that wasn't true.
And this is where those vows kind of connect to, like, I actually started telling myself,
I'm never going to New York again.
Why wouldn't I go to New York y'all?
I loved it there.
But because he did something that hurt me and it was connected to New York city, I couldn't
bear to even think about going there, but you know what?
One day I kept getting more healed and more healed and more healed.
And one day God nudged me to put that shirt on.
I was like, you know what?
I'm taking New York back, baby.
And I put that shirt on.
I'm serious.
Y'all I talked not crazy, like, but I talked to myself because it helps me.
You know, David talked to his own soul and spirit and said, why are you downcast on my
soul within the hope in the Lord?
Y'all I chose to hope in the Lord.
And I put that t-shirt on and I took that memory back.
I took all the good stuff back.
And I was like, you know what?
I am not, I'm not thinking about that, that anymore.
I'm going to focus on the good and my positive experience there.
And I'm going to go back to New York one day.
And so now when I see that shirt, every time, every single time I wear it, if that comes
up again, I'm like, I love New York.
I'm claiming New York.
This is good.
I'm good.
I'm in a happy marriage.
Praise God.
I did not marry that guy.
You all.
I thought I wanted to.
God is insane.
Yes.
God is so good.
So this is what we're closing on tonight.
I want you guys to think about what, what things do you need to take some ground back?
Are there any restaurants you don't go to anymore?
Because it reminds you of somebody.
Are there any movies?
This is real too.
I wouldn't even watch certain movies because he always wanted to watch them.
And I just felt like, Ooh, he just wants to watch them for this reason or that.
And I, and I think that, yes, that was why, but I just literally, I just quit doing certain
things, watching certain things.
And I just cut certain things out of my life.
Because I just, it hurt to even think about him or go there or whatever y'all.
I just recently watched a whole series of those movies with my husband and I allowed
God to heal me.
I'm not letting that old junk hold me bondage and in bondage anymore.
And you guys can do the same thing.
One of your sisters already wrote in the group tonight, right?
I approved it as soon as I saw it, because it was short and I could just get it done.
I wanted you guys to see it.
She already started drinking out of a water bottle that a friend gave her.
That is now an ex friend that she, she couldn't bring herself to drink out of the water bottle.
And today she started drinking out of that water bottle.
I mean like this, that you can't make this stuff up ladies.
So some of you guys have some of that stuff.
Some of you might also have stuff that is old notes from your ex, maybe stuff in your
phone, nasty things.
They said to you that for whatever reason, we take screenshots of this stuff.
Don't we, why do we do that?
Let's get rid of it.
Let's get rid of that stuff.
You don't need to carry that stuff into your next season with you.
Let's let's shed some weight.
Let's shed some spiritual weight this week and take back some ground.
So the question someone asked, the question is, what is the question?
Where do you need to take ground back this week?
And that can look at, like I said, a lot of different ways.
Maybe it's, and again, pray, I'm not saying automatically go back to a town that you feel
massive anxiety in, really trust the Holy Spirit for the right timing on that.
But if there are places where you feel like, okay, Holy Spirit, let's gear up and let's
go do this thing.
If it's a t-shirt, if it's a place, whatever it is, the Holy Spirit wants to help you.
He's your counselor, counselor, comforter, and guide.
He will walk with you every step of the way through that.
And guess what, ladies?
When we are full of the Holy Spirit, everywhere we go, we bring the light.
So even if that had darkness in it because of something someone did, we bring the light
there now.
That's who we are.
And that's what we do.
I hope tonight has been a blessing for you.
God is doing so much in this group.
I mean, I literally.
I am so honored every time to get to be here with you all.
And I know that the other ladies that are in training feel the same way.
Um, I'm going to pray for you guys and bless you.
And I will see you guys this week in the group.
Father, thank you so much.
So many things, God, it's just like a dredge that you take along the, the, the
underbelly of the ocean and, and stuff's getting dredged up and that can be scary
sometimes, Laura, but I thank you, God, that you, you're not doing it to hurt us.
You're doing it to lovingly heal us and help us become a little more
restored, a little more free tonight.
So father, I thank you.
That, uh, we will trust in your perfect timing that you'll help
us to take background for you.
That we will be, um, we'll be walking in all kinds of forgiveness
this week, that we will have courage, that we will extend grace, that we'll
extend the mercy that, that, um, thank you father, that in the name of Jesus
Christ and by the power of your blood, we bind and break any roots of bitterness.
Any spirits of unforgiveness.
God, we will walk in a spirit of love and of power and of a sound mind by your
power, by your ability, by your authority.
God, when we feel afraid, I thank you that you would bring peace and calm
and wash over us in Jesus name.
We love you, Lord.
We love you.
And we thank you.
Amen.
And amen.
Amen.
God bless you guys.
I never want to say goodbye, but we need to have an amazing night.
So Shalom peace over all of you sleep.
Well, we'll see you soon.