Alright guys, let's get started here. Sorry, I'm still in transit, but that is okay. We will go ahead and start.
And there's only two guys here so you guys get a lot of attention tonight. How about that. And I'll be on camera here in probably the next 10 minutes.
Alright, so let me go ahead and start the recording.
Alright. Okay, so dating 101 is the topic tonight. So I'm going to go ahead and assume that both of you gentlemen and anyone who's watching this replay has finished the heart work portion of last year single.
Is that correct.
Oh Matthew you haven't.
Okay, so you definitely want to start there, and there is a heart check in tonight so if you want to jump over to that other link we will not be offended.
But if you want to stay here and kind of, if you want to stay here and hear what this is all about, and then go watch that and replay at a different time.
Have you done any. Have you done any of the heart work materials yet. Yeah, I've started it a few times but I always get stuck when it's time to make the Jesus care board, I just don't put in the effort.
And then, and then I start over.
Oh, well that's like in the first two videos. So I've done like the first three big first two three videos.
But here's the thing, you don't Jesus cares board for you for, you know, for a guy, you know, it could be just simply you know you writing down a few things, you know, on your computer screen and putting a post it note on your, you know, your, you know, you know that little memos
that you can put up digitally that just has a few areas where you know that you're on the struggle bus, and you're just asking God to, you know, supernaturally give you answers in those areas or favor in those areas or whatever it is.
It doesn't have to be some big craft project. Now I do admit the women go crazy for crafts.
They definitely do right they get out there. They're like, you know, construction paper, whatever they got going on, and then they make the Jesus cares for but you guys don't have to do that.
My husband's Jesus cares board is just a bunch of post it notes stuck on my Jesus cares board.
He just wrote down some stuff and stuck it, you know, post it.
The whole purpose of the Jesus cares board is just to get whatever you're burdened with out in the open. And, you know, acknowledging that hey I can't solve this stuff I can't fix this stuff.
And instead of just carrying it around with me like in my subconscious, you know where it always is stressing me out, giving me like you know, a heart attack, when I'm, you know, 63 years old, I'm going to go ahead and tell you God that I can't fix this and I'm asking you to help me with it.
Okay.
Hopefully that hopefully that demystifies that whole situation. So you guys, dating has changed. That's what this session is about dating has changed Christian dating really is kind of weird.
There's a lot of weird, you know, rules pseudo rules unspoken rules rules that you know, no one actually knows because they're being made up as we go along.
When it comes to dating as a Christian. And then of course, for those of you that dated before you were in a serious relationship maybe before you were married, and now you're back on the market.
Things got crazy out here it's the wild wild west out here now and so it's like whoa, you know, things have really changed since I have been, you know, single.
So, regardless of what camp you're in this what this session is all about. It's about dating one on one it's about going back to the basics, it's about talking about what is dating, why do we do it, how do we do it well, and then you guys of course can ask questions.
Cool.
All right.
So, um, first of all, little history of dating guys I have a dating book coming out that is not just for women.
But the first time I'm actually writing a book that actually is for men as well so hopefully you guys will be proud of me for that.
And, you know, in the book, I talked about the history of dating, dating really wasn't even a word until the turn of the century.
Obviously we can't find any good information in the Bible about dating because dating didn't exist right dating is something that actually happened if you guys don't know the history behind the word dating.
It actually came about because of World War One.
World War One is where dating comes from. Why is that, because women actually joined the workforce.
A lot of them forced into the workforce because, you know, for the need to make money.
because a lot of men were actually going to war,
a lot of young men specifically going to war
and the factories and all the different places
that employed men now needed workers.
And so they were, women were being called out of the homes
into the workforce, right?
But a lot of these women,
they actually weren't earning a paycheck to like,
you know, because they lived at home and to help,
you know, whatever, whoever still lived at home to survive.
They actually were answering the call
for those open positions that the men no longer had
because they had gone to war.
And these women had apartments,
these women moved to the city,
they had apartments and these were the working girls,
so to speak.
And so unfortunately,
and this is not gonna be some diatribe on feminism.
So I don't want you guys to worry about that.
I just got to my destination.
Sorry, I'm a little late
because your friend David Dorman forgot to get me something
that I needed to make dinner later.
So I had to stop at the store on my way home.
Okay, so a woman's work is never done, y'all.
It just isn't ever done, is it?
So they, you know, the factory owners,
the employers, whoever those people were,
they actually paid women about 50% or less
of what they paid men.
And I know that sounds kind of ridiculous
and you kind of wonder how that could even be possible
to pay women 50% less for the same jobs,
but it's a thing, it really happened.
And it happened because this was the thinking behind that.
Women are not working to support themselves.
They're working to supplement an income
of some male figure in their lives.
This was the mentality.
And because it was a supplemental income,
even though women were doing the same jobs
for the same hours, they got paid half the pay, all right?
But what this caused, y'all, is it caused women
to kind of be at a poverty level
if they were living in the city.
And so what else happened is, is that young men,
the ones that weren't at war for whatever reason,
would take these women on dates and pay.
This is where men paying for the meal came from.
And this was probably where women going out with men
for a meal because they're hungry came from.
Don't you think?
I'm sure a lot of women went out with guys
that they probably didn't have any kind of interest in
because of the fact that a girl's gotta eat, right?
A girl's gotta eat.
And so that is definitely something that was going on.
Now, the authorities at the time, you guys,
back in the early days of dating,
they did not, they frowned upon this.
Unsupervised young people going out on dates,
this was not a popular thing in culture.
It was looked down upon.
And the powers that be back then just assumed
that these girls that were taking these dates
with these boys were not the right type of girl.
So if you actually were dating,
you actually were someone back then
that people thought had loose morals, okay?
So that's the history of the word dating.
That is where dating comes from, okay?
And then, of course, it got more and more and more popular
all the way till the 1950s,
where going steady and dating and all that stuff
really became very, very popular.
And then in the 1960s, dating turned into no longer
the chasteness of courting and all that stuff.
Then it turned into, as you guys know,
all of the different multiple partners,
multiple people, sex before marriage,
you know, birth control on demand in the late 60s,
early 70s, abortion, all the crazy, right?
Slippery slope.
Definitely didn't get better.
So before the turn of the century in the World War,
First World War, the way that men and women met each other
was through community.
It was through family.
It was through church.
It was through school.
It was through other civic kinds of places.
And a man's responsibility to have the approval
of not just the girl, but also her family was high.
And it was called courting back then.
You know, if you were interested in a woman,
you had to show up at her house,
you had to get her father and her mother's seal of approval.
You had to sit in the parlor.
Every date that you were gonna go on
was gonna be supervised.
You were never gonna be alone together
until you were married.
That's crazy, right?
And now you can see like the turn of the century
and all these young people running around together.
I'm sure that there were a lot of older people
that had their hair on fire about all that, right?
For sure.
So courting is what,
but the thing that I want you to see
is that back then during the courting days,
the woman and her family.
family, they were really the ones that held the power, weren't they?
Because they got to set the terms of courting.
And marrying for love wasn't really a thing.
It was more about, do I get along with this person?
Are we compatible?
Are they going to be kind?
Do they, can they, can they upgrade my life socially and economically?
You guys, some of these agreements between families back then had, you know, they went
all the way down to how much butter are you going to supply your in-laws with when they
retire?
How much butter are you going to give these people for the rest of their lives?
You know, it was crazy.
It was crazy stuff.
Right.
And so it was more of a financial transaction.
It was more about who's going to be a good life partner, who is going to once again,
accelerate your, you know, your lot in life, so to speak.
And for the gentleman, it was, you know, is she going to be a good homemaker?
Is she going to make my life easier?
Is she going to, you know, whatever, as far as, is she going to be a good wife?
Is she going to be a good mother?
Is she going to be able to give me children?
You know, that kind of thing was what was important back during those days of romance,
so to speak.
Time for love didn't actually even become a thing until the turn of the century.
And that's when the young people took control.
They started dating each other.
And obviously this is where women started wearing makeup.
You guys, World War One, all that women started wearing sexy like stockings with the things
up the back.
They started wearing makeup and doing all the things.
Why is that?
Because now it's a competition.
Is it a competition of who is going to take me out?
You know, because the power has shifted now.
Back in the courting days, the power was on the woman's side and her family's side to
make a good match.
And now during the dating days, the power's on the man's side of who is he going to choose?
Who is he going to ask out?
Who is he going to pick and spend his money on?
And then in return, she's going to be pretty and she's going to, you know, she's going
to look good on his arm and, you know, she's going to, you know, it became more about other
things besides who's going to make a good partner became more about who am I attracted
to?
Do you guys see that?
It's kind of interesting history, isn't it?
And it's obviously not gotten better from there.
And so now where we stand now, I think that the power is still a lot on the man's side
because you guys, you still have to choose us.
You still have to, you know, ask us out.
You still have to be the one that's interested.
And in order for women to kind of level that player player, that playing field, especially
under the curse, in order for women to level that playing field, women have become more
and more and more seductive and manipulative.
It's just true, isn't it?
It's true.
And so that's why we see what we're seeing now.
And so as men of God, this is dating one-on-one, obviously for godly men, as men of God, it's
important for you to see how we've gotten to where we are and really how, you know,
the opposing forces have been behind that whole thing, right?
The deterioration of family started with these world wars, started with industrialization,
started with people leaving their families and going far away from them to other, to
the city, right?
Power, money, control, all the things, marrying for love, which really, you know, yeah, it's
great to marry for love.
But I will tell you statistically arranged marriages do much better because a lot of
times you're marrying for love, but under the curse, it really isn't love, is it?
It's lust, isn't it?
And lust has an expiration date.
It wears off.
And then what are you left with?
You're left with a woman who can't cook, doesn't want to be a mom, right?
She used to look good, but you don't look so good anymore because I'm going to tell
you the most beautiful woman with a foul, nasty, argumentative mouth is all of a sudden
not that attractive, is she?
Imagine that.
So these are the things that we're dealing with.
But as godly men, you have an opportunity to shift back to what I believe that God had
in mind when he partnered the masculine and feminine together, that we're better together.
And you have an opportunity to do that now.
You have an opportunity.
And what does that mean?
You have an opportunity to choose, not just based on what society has told you is attractive
in a woman.
Whether you guys know...
but or not your attraction, you know, we're like,
oh, I'm not, I'm not attracted to them.
Hey, hey, you want to go out with this girl?
Hey, I want to introduce you to this girl.
Yeah, I'm not attracted to her.
Well, you don't even know her.
You haven't even met her yet.
What you're doing is you're looking at a picture, right?
And so let's go back to the turn of the century
where the women were, you know,
they were primping and they were pulling back
and they were pulling up
and they were doing all the things
and they were wearing the pointy bras
and they were doing all the stuff, you know,
wearing the stockings and what were they doing?
They were trying to basically win.
It was like sports for women.
They were trying to win.
Who can get the most attention from a man?
Who can get his attention?
What, which man did they want to win?
The richest man, right?
Because for women, even all the way back then,
it was, it's about safety and security.
Guys, it is hardwired in women
to want to find safety and security.
You need to write that down.
What drives men and what drives women
in this whole quest for partnership is not the same thing.
It is not the same thing, right?
Women want safety and security mostly.
Mostly they do.
And so what were those women doing back then?
They were trying to be the one that wins the heart
of the man that's going to be the most successful.
He's going to be the most successful in life.
And I want to win his attention.
And so I have to be the prettiest.
I have to be the prettiest for whatever that timeframe was.
Because obviously what was pretty back then
is not what's pretty now.
I have to be the shapeliest.
I have to be the most, you know, demure.
Back then, what captured a man's attention
was a woman who, you know, I hate to say it,
but was a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets.
That's what they wanted.
And really, they still want that a lot.
You know, that's a saying, it's a thing.
Want someone who knows how to carry herself,
you know, has a lot of decorum in public,
but then, you know, is your fantasy somehow
behind closed doors, right?
And there's an element of that, which isn't wrong,
but at the same time, you know,
there's a whole lot that goes into a godly partnership
that that leaves out a whole lot of that.
So women started learning how to manipulate,
how to seduce, how to trick.
Okay, all part of the curse.
And it's still going on today.
And all of those things, I believe,
have infiltrated into Christianity as well.
See a lot of that still going on now,
where men still are being drawn to
what they consider the most sexually attractive
to them person, okay?
They're thinking with the wrong playbook
when it comes to choosing a life partner.
This is a life partner.
This is not a week partner, a month partner,
or even a five-year partner.
This is a life partner, right?
So she's gotta have more than a pretty face.
She's gotta have more than an in-shape body.
These have to be, it has to be a much deeper
and higher level of attraction for your spirit
and your soul and not just your body.
But it's still happening.
And women, even on these dating apps,
women are trying to be, you know,
the prized cow that gets chosen at the fair.
You guys ever swiped through these apps, right?
These women, they have all kinds of filters on their face.
They have all kinds of, you know,
even the Christian apps,
subtly, subtly sexy type of pictures.
These pictures are not overtly sexy,
but, you know, it's meant to attract you
to those very superficial qualities.
Am I wrong?
And we call it putting our best foot forward.
And no one wants to look like a scrub.
So of course, yes, that's fine.
But at the same time, what's our motivations for that?
And let me ask you this question.
Do you believe that there's a supernatural element to this?
Your flesh choosing someone else's flesh
that you find appealing right now where you are in life.
That's not a good idea.
It's not a good idea.
So first and foremost, for Dating 101, for godly men,
for Christian men, for Christ-following men,
is you have to allow Holy Spirit to help you.
You have to let Holy Spirit help you.
You have to ask Holy Spirit to help you.
If you guys are on the apps, we're gonna have,
you guys are in phase two
because you graduated from HeartWork.
So we're starting with Dating 101,
but we're gonna have online dating next Monday night.
We're gonna have the Divine Masculine.
We're gonna talk about what that looks like
to be divinely masculine in this age, 2024.
And so you'll have lots of opportunity
to kind of walk this stuff out, right?
But if you're already on the apps
and that's how you're trying to meet people,
it's important that you are asking Holy Spirit for help
before you get on the app.
Even asking Holy Spirit which app to get on.
There's lots of apps, as you know.
But are you being divinely led in this area of your life?
Or are you approaching it
from a totally humanistic type of way?
You know, boy meets girl.
You know, it happens all the time.
This is just a vehicle to do it.
This is technology, so I'm just gonna do it.
No, you need to treat this area of your life
with the importance that it has.
This is a make it or break it relationship.
This is a relationship that's either gonna make you
or break you as a man.
And some of you have already been to that rodeo.
You have that T-shirt and that mug
and you can attest that what I'm saying is true, right?
So you don't just want, and I don't believe in the one.
There's no such thing as the one.
But there is the one for the season
that you're meeting her in.
Someone who can grow with you throughout the other seasons.
Now, if you guys would wait and, you know,
decide that you're not gonna date
and you just don't wanna do this right now,
even though God's inviting you,
he's inviting you to find your wife.
That's why you're all here.
If you would put this on pause, just like Matthew said,
he said, hey, I tried to do the hard work,
but I fell off several times.
But an invitation continues to come.
So regardless of when you accept that invitation,
there's going to be a different partner.
Does that make sense?
Five years from now,
there could be a partner that you can meet now.
Five years from now, there could be a different partner.
You know, when David and I met, he was my next door neighbor.
I almost did not re-sign that lease.
And had I not, I would have moved out a month
before he moved in.
And even though God aligned our paths,
there were several times when we were just like,
yeah, no, it's not the right timing.
We were both going through a lot in our lives,
divorces, different things.
And we could have decided it was too hard.
And guess what?
I believe that we still would have ended up,
if we surrendered to God, gave him the pen,
let him write the love story,
I believe we would still have been partnered
with someone who could go forward with us,
even if it wasn't each other.
Now I know that that doesn't sound romantic.
And I want to assure you, our relationship is very romantic.
We're very much in love 17 years in.
We are great partners for each other.
We've really helped each other grow in so many ways,
but he's not the one.
He's one of the ones, but he's not the one.
And so if you have avoidant attachment,
and also you guys, we're going to cover
more attachment theory here in phase two for y'all as well.
But if you have avoidant attachment,
no woman is ever going to be the one.
And you're going to fully believe there is the one,
and you're going to continue to look for the one.
And all you're going to find is flawed women.
And at first you might get really excited about them
until you see the flaws that you're absolutely looking for
because of your avoidance.
Does that make sense to everyone?
And then you'll be off to the races to find the next woman,
who you'll be excited about for a brief moment
until you discover that she too is a human that has flaws.
And then lather, rinse, repeat.
And you anxious guys, you guys will find someone,
you'll get excited about them,
you will love bomb them,
meaning that you will become very needy and clingy.
You will try to rush the relationship.
You will try to go from zero to a hundred miles an hour
in commitment and in intensity.
And she'll either be scared away,
and she'll either be scared away,
or she will be also an anxious attachment.
And then you guys will start something
that is going to look like a crazy merry-go-round.
Or we can do our heart work,
and we can take our attachment styles
and become more and more secure.
Now, are you going to become a secure attach
if you're not one?
No, you're not,
but you're going to become your version of secure attached,
and you're not going to give in
to your regular repertoire that you do
when you are getting in relationship with someone.
You're gonna recognize your patterns,
and you're not gonna give into them.
Cool?
All right.
Okay.
So that's kind of the intro to what we're doing right now.
History of dating.
Where did it come from?
Where are we now?
We have to flip the script.
It's important.
And guys, as the men, you have to lead this charge.
You have to lead it.
We'll specifically talk about what that looks like in online, in the dating app or the online
dating class that you guys are going to have next week.
But right now, let's just look at what it looks like in person.
You have to be the one who makes things happen.
Men make things happen.
They do.
And we'll talk more about that in Divine Masculine.
But men are the ones that are supposed to be the movement makers.
God created you to be the movement makers.
He created you to be originators.
Okay?
He created you to be intentional.
He created you to be, you know, a lot of people are like, does the man have to make the first
move as far as like, can I drop the hanky?
That's a popular saying nowadays.
Can I drop the hanky?
Can I let a guy know that I like him?
Yes, but, but I think that it's important that a man be intentional, right?
Women can let you know that they're open to getting to know you more.
Raise your hand if you think that you're clueless about whether or not a woman likes you, that
you're not really sure.
Kind of talk yourself out of it.
Okay.
Maybe we should talk about that for a second.
All right.
How many of you have, have thought wrong about a woman liking you before?
You thought she liked you and then you kind of like, we're like, okay, yeah, she likes
me.
And then you found out later that she's just being friendly.
She doesn't like you like that.
Okay.
And so you guys, it's a very small group of guys.
So unmute, please talk, talk back to me.
This is a two sided conversation.
Do you feel like that keeps you from, you know, trying to ask a woman to spend time
with you?
No.
Do you feel like that causes anxiety in the process of you asking a woman to go on a date?
No.
I don't think so.
I can think of other facts.
You guys, can you hear me?
Yes.
Yeah.
Okay.
Good.
You guys all sound really far away.
Let me see.
Yeah.
All right.
So you're saying you, you have, you have guessed wrong in the past, but you don't feel like
it's impaired your ability to do it.
Nope.
No.
That's good.
All right.
It does make me pause maybe a half a second more, you know, you know, yeah.
A half a second, a half a second more.
I'm an extrovert.
Okay.
Maybe, maybe a one, maybe a whole second, you know, you know, I, you know, I want to
live a life where I take all the shots that I don't want to not take a shot and regret
it.
Okay.
And so, yeah.
That's good.
There's some other factors of me.
Of course, it's a long story.
Jackie you disappeared.
We just lost her.
Lost her.
Are you serious?
We're just too hard.
We're just too hopeless.
She just gave up on us.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, it's a great question, right?
Like, I mean, so I think some women just want attention, right.
You know, like, or, you know, I don't know.
Yeah.
Right.
I've had that where I had a woman just kind of take interest in me.
But then when I was serious coming back to her, I was like, okay, I'm going to take a
shot.
I'm going to take a shot.
want attention or the idea of having that person around as a friend or something, but,
okay, guys, technical difficulties, but I'm back.
All right.
I'm David Dorman now.
I'm David Dorman now, but I'm still here.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
So Paul, what were you saying?
Well, we were, me and Mike were just talking how that's happened before and we were just
saying we just, you know, the women seemed interested, but we just kind of figured I,
anyway, I just, they just liked the idea of having me around a guy friend or lots of times
it may be a younger woman, but then when you respond, they're like, uh, you know, so.
Okay.
So here's, you guys, here's how you're going to stay out of the friend zone, all right?
Especially as Christian men.
This is how you're going to stay out of the friend zone.
Don't be a friend.
That's how you're gonna stay out of the friend zone, okay?
And let me explain what I mean by that, okay?
Oftentimes, when a guy's interested in a woman,
especially within Christian community,
you will hang around way too much as a friend
before asking her to simply date you,
go on a date with you, okay?
And what happens then is a woman sees you as a friend.
You guys, the kiss of death for a man,
whether you're a Christian man or not a Christian man,
with women is passivity.
Women do not like passive men.
We don't.
This is why we still date toxic alpha men,
because at least they're not passive, right?
We don't like passive men.
And the only women that are interested, please hear me,
the only women that are interested in men
that kind of don't know what they want,
take a long time to make up their mind,
men that are willing for the woman
to sort of drive the bus kind of thing,
drive things forward,
are women who are going to wear the pants
in your relationship.
They are going to be the person in charge.
And they wanna be with a man,
but they wanna be with a man they can control.
And that should scare all y'all.
You don't wanna be with a woman
who is not comfortable with your masculinity,
who wants you to be someone
who just does what they're told, right?
Someone who doesn't have an opinion,
someone who doesn't really have any direction,
and someone who's just gonna be there to be her companion
while she is the person who's in charge.
Right?
You don't want that.
And a lot of damaged women are like that.
You guys, some of the sweetest women,
some of the bless your heart, sweetest women
are covert controllers.
Okay?
And the way that you can see that pretty quickly
is that if you're in conversation,
and here, please write this down.
She can't take a joke.
She gets all up in arms.
She gets offended really easily, super offended.
Now, if you're being crude and rude, that's one thing.
But if you're just being funny, right?
Men like a woman with a sense of humor, you know?
And if she takes things too seriously all the time,
if she gets offended,
gets her panties in the water all the time, you know?
If she uses the phrase, we have to talk a lot,
especially at the beginning,
and then she goes on to tell you about, you know,
all the things that you're doing
that are either triggering her
or, you know, things that are making her uncomfortable.
And, you know, you've done your hard work
and no one else in your life tells you that, right?
So if other people in your life tell you,
hey, you don't have a filter.
Hey, you're inappropriate.
Hey, you know, you need to chill out.
That's one thing.
But if this just only happens to you in the dating realm,
that means that that woman has an offended heart.
She does.
And she is looking for a very vanilla man.
Vanilla, the vanilla ice cream flavor.
She's looking for a man who is not gonna do anything.
Manly.
That scares her.
Okay?
No manliness allowed.
So that is the only type of woman who likes a passive man.
All the rest of us, we want our men to be men.
Now, does that mean you have to go out
and shoot and kill things?
No, I'm not interested in that.
In fact, my brother told me last night
that he ate a coyote.
My brother.
What?
He told me that he ate a coyote.
Like all of it.
Because we're, you know, we're Native Americans.
So he's like, I ate all of it.
I ate all the coyote.
I ate its organs.
I ate its eyeballs.
I'm like, okay, stop.
I'm good.
All right.
I don't need my man to kill my food.
I will go to the grocery store.
In fact, I don't, you know,
if you guys are hunters, that's great.
But I don't even, I pass on deer meat even.
It's gamey to me.
I'm not interested in it.
And so most women don't need a man,
don't need a man that hunts.
They'd be open to a man that hunts.
But when you think of a manly man,
you know, please don't,
please don't think that.
And please don't think that we need you to be a guy that,
you know, loves all the sports.
Okay.
You know, my husband likes to play golf.
He very rarely does because he's very busy.
But besides college football,
because he graduated from the Ohio State University,
well, he doesn't watch anything.
He doesn't watch any pro sports,
baseball, football, hockey, soccer.
He just watches college football.
That's it.
So a woman is not going to, you know, check.
you or give you a demerit or check you off the masculine list if you're not a guy who
is going to sit in the barco lounger with a beer and watch football, okay? But what are we going
to be looking for in order to say yes to your invitation to a date? Well, one thing, are you
a man who knows what you want? Are you going to step up to us and be like, hey, I'd like to take
you on a date? Hey, I'd like to get to know you. Hey, I'd like to take you to coffee or dinner.
Are you open to that? I mean, that right there is going to score you major points. Look,
even if she wasn't immediately interested in you now, she's like, oh, okay.
This guy, this guy knows that he likes me. He knows that he likes what he sees and he wants to
get to know me better. That's very attractive in a woman. Okay. But Mike, if you've known her
in community, all right, for too long, and you've been in the friend zone of that community where,
you know, you're hanging out in groups together and all the things, then you have to read the
signs of whether or not she actually wants that invitation. And this is why this is how men get
friend zoned because you're hanging out in community and, you know, she thinks that she
knows what you're like from that community. She's never spent any one-on-one time with you.
And because of that, a lot of times it's actually a turnoff, not a turn on. Okay. This is why a lot
of guys get shot down in their own church spiritual communities when they ask someone out.
So don't be a friend. Don't be there for her. Don't be there in the prayer line with her.
Don't, don't do any of that stuff. And if you feel like she's already friend zoned, you
disappear for a little while from her, not from church, but, you know, kind of like, don't seek
her out. Don't be that person, you know, that's always kind of like making a beeline for her.
Don't do that. Look, this is not a game, not asking you to play a head game, but I'm asking you
to give her a moment to reframe what she thinks about you.
Okay. Got to give her a moment to reframe what she thinks about you.
You're not giving her the cold shoulder, not playing head games. You're not ignoring her,
but you're also not like a little, like a, like a little, uh, um, golden retriever.
Right. Right. Women, women don't want to marry a golden retriever. We like them. We want them
as dogs. They're sweet. They're always there. You know, they're always happy to see us. That's great.
Women want to marry, you know, men who have more, they hold themselves in a different posture than
that. Okay. So, um, in spiritual community, you guys, it's really hard. I know that it's really
hard. So here are some of the signs in a group that she is interested in you. All right. If she
seeks you out and not to talk about her last date that went wrong.
Okay. Not to give, not to ask you for advice, not to ask you to help her move something in her house,
not to ask you to look at her car that's broke down. Okay. She seeks you out just to say hi,
just to talk to you. If she seems a little, you know, like not shy or bashful, but a little bit
like, you know, um, that's the real, the word back in the old days would be coquettish. Right.
If she seems just a little, when she seeks you out, if she seems like a little,
you know, um, unsure of herself in some ways, you know, if she touches you a lot,
you know, when she's talking to you, I mean, that's obvious flirtation when she touches you a
lot, unless you're her BFF, don't be her BFF because she's going to do all these same things
with her, you know, her, you know, boy BFF too. This is why you guys got to stay out of that
friend zone by not putting yourself in it in the first place. Okay. If you like a woman in your,
within your spiritual community, do not hang out with her in a group nonstop. Don't do it.
Okay. Ask her to do one-on-one like almost immediately. All right. And then if she says,
no, she's not interested. That's fine. Do you respect her? No. And she might just need some
time to get to see you in action, just within, within that community to see whether or not
you're safe to see whether or not she's attracted to you. I have several success stories that
happened that way. You know, the woman was immediately like, no, I'm not interested. But
then as she saw that man within that spiritual community, you know, saw how he served, you know,
he wasn't doing any of it to impress her. It was just being himself.
but saw how he served others and loved others and prayed for others and did those things,
all those things became very attractive to her. But guess what? He wasn't sitting around
waiting for her. Yes. He was just doing his own thing. And then when he came back again to say,
Hey, you know, do you want to, do you want to do something? Then the answer was yes.
And sometimes the answer will forever be no, because that woman just doesn't,
she's not interested in you. And that's okay. Because quite frankly, there's probably five
other women that are interested in you that you're not paying attention to while you're
wasting your time on that woman. True. Can I ask a question? Yeah, you can ask a question.
One second. I want to say one more thing. And men don't take this well. Women take this really well
and women do this. And because of that, women have a lot of success. And so guys, it is a yes
until it's a no. A lot of you are waiting for some woman to, you know, just to, to just knock
your socks off before you give it, you know, give it, give yourself a chance to get to know her
better. And, you know, you're looking for Mrs. Right. And she's got a, you know, a lot of times
you have this really strong internal list of what that looks like, or some strong attack, uh,
attraction, something that you're attracted to guys. I, this one guy, this client that I have,
I've shown him so many pictures of beautiful, objectively beautiful women that are my clients.
And he has said no to every single one of them without even saying a word to any of them.
Do not be this guy. That's an avoidant attachment right there, right? It makes you very picky,
very particular, and it's going to keep you single. All right. You guys grow on us. That's
why we're willing to give you a chance. That's why we obey the instructions of it's a yes until
to know what does that mean? That means, you know what? Hang out with people, get to know them.
It's not a, it's not a marriage proposal. Keep it low stakes. Don't make it romantic. Don't take
her to, you know, a hundred dollar a plate steak house, ask her to go do something fun.
You can see her personality. You can see whether or not, you know, she has something more than
maybe what you see on the surface. And then if there's any attraction at all, if you had fun with
her, you know, and you know, she made you feel good, then do it again. And don't just do it with
one woman at a time. Do it with more than one woman at a time going out. That is obviously
so that you can, you know, keep your options not only open, but you can really start to see
what is going to be long-term compatible to you. All right, go ahead, Mike.
All right. So I had, I don't have a ton of experience in this, but I asked, I made a
connection request with one of the gals in the community and we actually hit it off fairly well,
I thought, but then like, she wasn't interested in dating, but she wanted to be friends. And I was
thinking, should I be able to be both of those, even though, should I be with, I don't know, I
really couldn't flip off. I just would like to pursue you romantically and the friendship thing.
She is amazing, but I just couldn't switch that off. Should I be able to, that was a question
that I had. Let me ask you a question. Is she local to you? No. Okay. So that's part of the problem.
Part of the problem is, is that, you know, she's not local. So you guys, long distance is really
hard and a lot of people are not willing to give it a chance. Are any of you willing to give long
distance a chance? I mean, Mike obviously is because he wanted to get to know her better.
Anybody else? Okay. Matthew said yes. Anybody,
you know, the thing with long distance is that you have to have a pretty strong,
you know, kind of compatibility right from the beginning. I don't want to even use the
word attraction because that's so misused, but it's overused. There has to be something that
you're like, wow, I really like this person in order to invest the time and energy and money
that it's going to take to really see if you actually really do like that person. Yeah. Okay.
So Mike, I think as of right now, I think we have like 1200 women in the community. So pick another
one. Yeah. So no, just, but like, um, yeah, so yeah, I did. So I, I moved on. Yeah. In all the
rejections, you guys, I want you to take an inventory, all the rejections that you've received
from women that you were interested in. Um, and maybe you'd never even let them know. Maybe you
just knew that you're going to get rejected. So you didn't even try, but what are those women
have in common? Okay. I have a private client right now and I'm having him do that inventory.
And I want you guys to do that inventory to all the women, whether you dated them, whether you
had a relationship.
whether you were married to them, it doesn't matter.
All the women that you've ever been attracted to,
that you had a crush on, that you liked,
that you would have liked to have dated
or had a relationship with,
what do they all have in common?
They all have something in common, right?
And I need you to see what it is
because that is how we're going to gauge
what it is that you notice about women
and what you're going after
and why it's not working for you.
Because remember, you're not only attracted to it
and going after it,
it also is not attracted back to you
or it's not healthy for you for some reason.
So we got to dig into that, don't we?
Is there anyone here who has never really been
really that attracted to any woman?
You've never met someone that you really
would have even liked to have a relationship with?
Anybody?
Okay, Hunter says yes.
Anybody else?
Yeah.
Okay, everybody else has had definite crushes.
Sorry for the technical difficulties tonight, y'all.
Sorry about that.
Yeah.
I had that problem earlier today
when I did a woman Zoom too.
They said that my voice sounded like it was in a tunnel.
So I think I just have a bad signal.
Okay, so cool.
All right, what other questions do we have
about getting out there?
You guys, it's not a numbers game.
I don't want you to think of it that way,
but it is important.
I think a lot of guys,
they're not even willing to even ask for the date
unless they're just really, really taken with the woman.
And there's a couple of reasons, Mike.
Number one, men are like that.
Women will give a guy that they're not that attracted
to a chance to see if it's a yes until it's a no.
But men want to be very physically attracted
right from the beginning.
And you guys, it doesn't have to be
about sexual attraction,
just very physically attractive, whatever.
You think she's really cute, whatever, it doesn't matter.
Men want that for sure.
And Christian men are really worried
that they're going to take out a girl
that they're not that interested in
to quote unquote get to know her a little bit better.
And then she's gonna get the wrong idea and get upset.
And they're gonna kind of get in trouble
because they've let her on.
It's almost like you can't date someone
that you don't already know that is marriage material
for you.
You can't even take them on a date.
Guys, that is so dumb, all right?
Please let us, let's let that go.
That is so dumb.
And that came to be from, you know,
church impurity culture.
I kiss dating goodbye culture.
So if God hasn't spoken to you,
that they're your husband or wife,
then you better not even go on a date with them.
You guys, let's let go of that.
That is not how this works.
These are low stakes meetups where adult people,
consenting adults are getting together
because they want to,
and getting to know each other better.
All right?
And it's very important.
Okay, Paul, go ahead.
No, I was just kind of agreeing
with some of what you said.
Yeah, okay.
Mike, go ahead.
You know, what would be helpful, I guess, right?
Like, I really liked the thing we did the other day
where we all were in groups at,
that wasn't HeartConnect, was it HeartConnect?
I don't remember.
Yes, it was.
Oh, okay, yeah.
So, like, it's hard to,
what would your, okay,
what would your, I'll phrase it as a question.
In wanting to connect with people,
how would you,
it doesn't seem like there's a lot of people
to connect with, like 90% of people,
95% are off camera or even,
I think the app might help with that.
Like getting-
Yes, it is going to, big time.
Big time.
And you guys, I don't know if you heard,
but you guys are getting onboarded onto the app
this week.
Mm-hmm.
So, yeah, so I'm really excited about that.
You know, the app has taken a lot longer
than we expected it to.
It's been very frustrating.
There's been a lot of bugs in the, you know,
in the development of it.
But it is finally to a place where we feel like
we're going to let people on
and they're not going to be like,
this is broken or this doesn't work.
And we're going to have 50,000 emails every day.
So it's to a place where we feel like it's not,
it's not that glitchy.
And so you guys are going to get on
and then our female moderators.
So we have a whole group of women that work for us
in one way, shape, or form that used to be students.
So they moderate single cities,
they moderate chat rooms within the women's groups.
And so all of those leaders,
and there's, I think, about 50 of them,
they'll be getting on the app with y'all
at the same time as you.
And then we'll migrate phase three women on,
phase two women, and then phase one women.
And you guys will have lots of opportunities to,
because we're moving single nation,
obviously from Facebook to the app.
Once again, you guys, the app is only for members.
And so there's benefits to membership.
And one of the benefits for all y'all is the odds are forever in your favor,
because there are not that many men that are members of this community.
There's only probably about a hundred of you and there's 1200 women.
So if you cannot find a woman within that odd, that, that mathematical
odds, then I don't know what to tell you.
Um, but there'll be a lot of new men joining like within the next,
you know, 30 days.
So definitely when you get on, make sure that you get to know people and, um, and,
and build out your, and make sure your profile will, we'll teach you all this
stuff.
I don't want to get into it cause I want to confuse you, but you'll, you're
going to have a profile on there.
People will be able to really connect with each other and it'll be great.
And don't forget, we do have a dating app as well.
Um, Mike, that is going to be released this summer.
You're going to do a single city, San Francisco.
Um, we are going to have a conference in San Francisco and then we're going to see
what happens.
And that conference is going to be in July and we're going to see, it's going to be
at the same venue where you saw him before.
And we're going to have a hundred guys and a hundred girls at that conference.
And then we're going to see like what becomes of that.
Cool.
Yeah.
Uh, do you need any help, um, advertising it if you shoot me some stuff?
Like, um,
yeah, um, I think that Hooman, who is the creative director of that venue is going
to put together a team from within our, within our, um, program.
And so if you want to be on that team, I'll let them know.
You're cool.
Yeah.
Hooman's cool.
Okay.
All right.
Just need prayer too.
Okay.
Well, you, you can post in the, in the, in your group Hunter, um, in the newsfeed,
any kind of prayer request you guys.
And listen, you guys do not show up for each other the way that I really would
hope you would, um, you know, post what you're doing, what you're working on.
Like for instance, Brett's not here tonight, but Brett is
dating on one of our ladies.
You know, art got married to one of our ladies just a couple of weeks ago.
Um, no one posted about this stuff in the group when they were doing it.
So it's like, you guys are not keeping each other.
And I know that men don't communicate the way that way women do, but I feel like
you guys are going to have your own group on, you know, the community app as
well, it's important for you guys to not just support each other, but, you know,
weigh in on each other's issues and situations and different things, pray for
each other.
And so all of that, all that's really important to do.
And I'd love to see more of that for sure.
Got a bunch of new guys coming in, you guys.
So I want to see, I'd love to see that happen for y'all.
Um, people are asking, what's your favorite part of the show?
People don't last men don't last in this community very long without getting
married.
So all of you, you know, some of you have been here for a minute, but you also just,
you haven't really been around.
So I want, I want you to get intentional about it.
Do you want to meet someone?
Like, for instance, let me just do a round Robin real quick.
Mike, you're in, you're in San Francisco, Matt, where are you at?
Matthew Los Angeles, Los Angeles.
Okay.
You're in LA.
What part?
What, what, what, where?
Uh, the Valley, Tonga Burbank area.
Okay.
Great.
Um, let's see, Greg, you're in the care.
Are you in the Carolinas or Virginia?
I can't remember.
Greg Thomas.
He might not be here right now.
Ryan, you're Ryan.
It says Arkins, but is that Ryan Atkins?
Yeah.
Well, yeah, I'm still in Reading.
Okay.
You're in Reading.
Great.
Awesome.
Had a lot of success stories in Reading, Ryan.
So you know that.
How about Paul and Hunter?
I know you're in New York.
Paul, where are you at?
Um, just North of Cincinnati a little bit.
North of Cincinnati.
Okay.
And then Greg is Greg somewhere on the East coast, I think.
Um, okay.
So yeah, lots of women.
So we have lots of women in these areas.
We have a huge LA group of women.
Um, not just the single city LA, like a huge group of women that are in that area.
Um, and we have lots of women in New York.
We have lots of women in San Francisco, Sacramento, Napa Valley, Reading, all
of those Northern California areas.
Um, we do have lots of women on the East coast.
And of course we have lots of women in Kentucky, Tennessee, Nashville, uh,
Columbus, we do have some in Cincinnati as well.
And so there are local women for y'all to meet.
And once again, it doesn't have to be local.
It can definitely be long distance.
I mean, art was in Canada and Annette was in Washington.
Which isn't very far, but still a flight.
It was a flight, you know, it was like maybe eight, eight, nine hour drive.
So, um, and then Rory, who you guys don't.
No, because he doesn't really post in here and stuff, but he's engaged to
Danny from our community and he was in, you know, Eastern Canada, he was in
Toronto and she's all the way in Tennessee.
And so, um, lots and lots of long distance success stories for sure.
Hey, Jackie, this is Greg.
I'm in Charlotte, North Carolina.
Couldn't get off me.
Okay.
Charlotte.
I knew that you were, I knew that you were up there someplace.
Okay.
So we do have great community in Charlotte, Raleigh, and some other
areas that are close there as well.
So, and I know that, you know, Greg, you were interested in long distance.
I know you were talking to someone.
I can't remember who it was and didn't you fly to see them or they flew to see
you or something like that happened, right?
Yeah, I've had a few, uh, definitely a few dates within the community.
Um, some were traveling and some were a couple hours Raleigh area.
Okay.
Well, it'd be much easier for you guys when we get on the community app for you
to be able to find women and reach out to them.
Um, so that will be a positive for the whole app experience, unlike Facebook,
where you guys are in different, you're in different groups.
So, um,
yes, Android as well.
Okay.
Who else, who else was asking?
Well, uh, we take go live.
You say for the app,
you go, the, the app is live.
You guys could all download it.
It is live.
Um, you also can use it on your desktop.
Okay.
So it's a, it's a browser based app, so you can use it.
I mean, it's ready to go right now.
Oh, it is ready to go.
It's just been really glitchy.
We've had a lot of tickets in to our, to the it department to fix all kinds of
different things on it that weren't working to the specifications that we
had it built to work to.
And so, but you guys will be onboarded.
I don't know how they're going to do that.
I have to ask Cheryl and Renee how they're onboarding the guys this week,
but either we're just going to post in your Facebook group, um, the information
on how to, how you, you know, how you guys can get on and what, what we want you
to do, that's probably what they're going to do.
So be watching the Facebook group for the post that gives you instructions on that.
All right.
Okay.
So, but here's the thing guys, and this is what I want you to really
get into your hearts right now.
It's not about a shortage of women.
There's no shortage of women.
Women are the majority of the population.
You know that, right?
Yeah, 51, 52% women in the world.
Okay.
So the majority of the population, it's not a shortage of women.
It's not even a shortage of women that you could be compatible with, that you
could like, that you could find attractive.
It is something that's in your own way.
It's something that's in your own way.
And I think that analysis paralysis is part of it.
I think that men talk themselves out of just picking someone, just choosing
someone, even if you're, you don't have to choose them for life, but
just choose them for a date, you know, who, okay.
So you guys are obviously dating one-on-one.
So this starts the seven date challenge, right?
Matthew has to do his heart work.
So, all right, so let's get that going.
You can do this simultaneous if you want to.
Um, but seven date challenge.
I need y'all to have dates or day seven dates.
I like what's, what's the challenge for a week, right?
Yeah, no seven dates, y'all seven day challenge.
All right.
And so let's choose an end date for the seven dates.
All right.
Cause you guys are starting right now.
It's May 6th right now.
So we're going to give it, we're going to give it to, let's see, want to give
you the same amount of time we gave the ladies when is, does anyone know
when the summer solstice starts?
Is that the 20th?
21st.
Okay.
Let me look.
All right.
So it's May 6th.
Get as many as you can.
If you don't get all seven, that's fine, but I'm going to give
you to the first day of summer.
Here's the thing.
Phone dates count.
Zoom dates count for those of you that would be doing long
distance that counts, right?
Can we do this after the app launches?
My thing isn't, um, it's lack of opportunity more than, um, yeah.
I mean, I'm around a ton of people who are in their twenties, right.
You know, but like, you know, being 14, let's talk about that.
Let's talk about that.
Because Paul mentioned that too, is that okay.
You know, woman's nice until, you know, she thinks you're a creeper.
Cause she's, you know, younger or something.
Okay.
So I will tell you something that I have noticed, and
this is definitely a shift.
It didn't use to be like this, but it has definitely become like
this and probably the last, you.
know, five or six years, women are not that open to age
differences anymore. Yeah. Notice that? Yeah, they're not.
They're not that open to age differences anymore. And, you
know, that didn't used to be the case, y'all. It didn't. But it
is definitely very few and far between like when women fill out
their forms for me and I asked, you know, how big of an age
difference will you entertain? You know, usually the age
difference is not more than five years. Okay, so all that
old fashioned stuff where they're like, hey, you know,
divide your age in half and then add seven years, you know, I
don't know where this came from. But it may have used to been
true, but it's not now. So if you're a 50 year old man using
that math, a 50 year old man could date a 32 year old woman,
right? Half his age plus seven years. And that definitely
probably used to be a thing, but it's not anymore. And so what I
would love for y'all to do instead is kind of dig into why
you don't like women your own age. And you know, why that, you
know, why you're not attracted to women your own age, because I
will tell you, we objectively, okay, have really good looking
women in every age group. I mean, women that, you know, they
might be in their 60s, but they look like they're in their 40s.
You know, women, a lot of times are a lot younger minded and
even like, more active than men as they age. For the most part,
that's a thing. And so, so just want to let you guys know, women
are very, very afraid. There's a big fear in women nowadays, to
marry a man who isn't going to be as active as she is. That's
why they don't want to marry older. You know, yeah, they
might be attracted to him when you know, they're 25. And you
know, he's 45. But what happens when he's 65? And they're 45?
You know, they're just like, no. And so they're, they're very,
they're very concerned about becoming caretakers. For someone
who's a lot older than them, you know, it starts having health
problems. And so please keep this in mind for those of you
that for whatever reason, are attracted to women much younger
than you. And when I say much younger, I'm going to say, you
know, 1015 years or more. Okay, ask yourself why that is. And
for some of you, you're like, well, I still want to have
children. And but you guys, there's a lot of ways to have
children. There's lots of ways to have children. And if we get
into the mindset that we only want biological children, then
maybe we need to take that to the Lord as well and ask about
our ego. Because if we want biological children, then we
should have probably gotten married before we were 60 years
old. Yeah. Because it's not just about marrying a younger woman
who's able to have children still, it's also about you being
a very older, older dad. You know, so there's lots of things
at stake there.
Yeah, I mean, I find most women in their early 40s to mid 40s,
they're all wanting kids badly. And that's been and not that I
have like, maybe five in my life in my whole in all of my
circles. So total, so like in the age range, there isn't a lot
of people in my age range at all. So
how old are you? 48? Okay. Yeah, women, women, women in their
late 30s and early 40s, which you know, early 40s would
definitely still be doable for you. They do if they don't have
any children, they do want children. Do you not want
children? I can't have kids anymore. So well, by the bill.
So anyway, so that's been that's been no, are you telling me that
you are you're in the boys club? I got it. Yeah. Okay. All right.
So you already have children. Okay. Okay. All right. So yes.
So women, yes. But I will tell you that there are women like
you that have grown children that don't want any more
children. Yeah, just a matter of aligning.
Okay, so let's talk about when we're dating, how quickly we
share information like that. Right. So here's the thing. So
Mike has a vasectomy. He has kids already. He doesn't he, you
know, unless he would get that reversed, which it is possible
to get it reversed. But if you don't feel led to do that, you
don't want to do that. Also, it doesn't always work. And so
there's a lot that goes into that situation. He's almost 50
years old. So fathering children, that ship has kind of
sailed for him. He's already has them. And so when would it be
okay for him to share kind of that like, hey, you know, I have
grown children. And I'm, you know, I don't know if you're
interested in still having biological children, but
I, I'm not, I would say honestly, pretty quickly,
especially with Christian women, because you're right.
The ones that are in their early forties,
they are, their, their baby clocks are ticking
and they're ticking hard and loud.
So they have to make a decision that if they like you
and want to be with you, then that's something that,
you know, they're going to have to, you know,
be a bonus mom to your kids.
I don't know if you're open to adoption
or if you're not open to any kids at all
for any reason at all.
But those are things that you need to think through.
And all of you gentlemen, you need to think through that.
Are you willing to date a woman who has children
that she's still raising?
That's a possibility.
You know, sometimes women have adopted children.
We have this amazing woman in our community.
She's married now, but her name was Ronnie
and she's in her fifties,
but she was raising two young adopted daughters
that she adopted as a single woman.
And a lot of women are adopting children right now
as they're, while they're single.
So you need to make a decision
about how you feel about that.
And also be open to your feelings changing
if you meet a woman that you really fall in love with,
because that can change how you feel about that as well.
Ryan, you got a question?
Your window is green.
Did you want to say something?
Nope, that was an accident.
My apologies.
Okay.
So you guys just make a decision
about how you feel about that.
And also, you know, make that decision with God
because once again, that can definitely change.
And so when you're talking to a woman,
make sure that, you know, once again with Mike,
you know, he's not able without supernatural miracle
or, you know, a reversal with this,
which I heard is pretty painful surgery
to even try to have kids.
And so that is the thing that I would share.
Not that you're not interested in having them,
but hey, you know, you, you know, you have,
you've been married, your children are grown
and you have a vasectomy.
Yeah.
You know, it is what it is.
So on the long distance thing, right?
I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm,
right.
And is there a, I mean,
cause I was looking at somebody within like the,
like the, the Western half of the US,
but I mean like, is there,
is there a breakup of like the distance
or does it, does it not matter between six hours,
like New York or you understand what I'm saying?
Like somebody on the West coast
versus somebody on the East coast.
I mean, you can't, I mean,
you're not going to be able to decide, you know,
who you're attracted to based on how close they are to you.
If you're attracted to someone who you're really attracted
to someone who lives far away and you're willing to,
you know, make the sacrifice, the time investment,
the money investment that it's going to take
to get to know that woman.
You guys, you have to start,
you have to start getting to know them pretty quick.
Okay.
If you meet someone long distance
and you're intrigued by them,
that first visit has to happen very quickly.
Please do not talk to someone for months on the phone,
fall in love with their voice
and talk to them every single day.
Because if you get together with them in person eventually,
and that same chemistry is not there,
it's going to be a real downer.
How'd that happen?
Well, and oftentimes it's not.
So Mike, I know that you got your tooth knocked out.
When are you getting that fixed?
Well, I'm getting my Invisalign next week or this week.
I do have, I have my tooth, my fake tooth,
but I just don't wear it very often, but.
Okay, wait, you're getting Invisalign,
you're not getting like an implant of a tooth or what?
No, I have the implant, it's healing.
Oh, gotcha, gotcha.
Okay, all right.
So like, and then they're like,
before we can do the crown, we have to do the Invisalign.
If you want to do the Invisalign,
before you do that, fill the crown.
And then, so it's going to be built,
temporary tooth built into the Invisalign retainer.
Oh, that's interesting.
Okay, cool.
Yeah, David is kind of going through
that whole process too.
All right, so that's going to be important, you guys.
When women tell me what they notice about a man,
the very first thing that they notice about you
is your smile, okay?
Women are into teeth.
Women are into teeth, okay?
So, you know, you don't have to have
perfectly straight teeth,
but if you're missing teeth,
probably need to get that fixed.
And if your teeth are discolored,
you know, if there's nothing you can do about that,
you got tetracycline stains or something from a kid,
when you're a kid, you had antibiotics, okay, whatever.
But if it's just a situation that you drink coffee
or something else and you need to whiten your teeth,
maybe you smoked for 20 years and now you don't anymore,
but you never had your teeth whitened,
get your teeth whitened, okay?
The other thing that women notice
is that if you have facial hair,
which women like facial hair,
but they like it to be manscaped.
They don't want to date ZZ Top, all right?
don't want to, they're not, they're not interested in being
with the Doug Dynasty guy, right? All right. So when you
think facial hair,
let's think that it's nicely, you know, it's nicely groomed.
Okay, so well groomed man, if he has facial hair, that his facial
hair is well groomed, that his teeth, you know, that he takes
care of his teeth, his teeth don't look like there's stuff
growing on them, but they look clean. They look, you know, as
white as they can, of course. And then did you care about the
date? Did you show up like looking your best? Or are you
do you are you looking sloppy? You guys, I have so many stories
of men showing up to dates and stained clothes and clothes.
They just got off work. If you got off work, and you work like
you know, some sort of, like, you know, really manual labor
job. Okay, cool. And women think that's sexy, manual labor, sexy
women like men who can fix things meant women like men who
can do stuff. All right, they do. But at the same time, show
her that you value your meetup with her by looking good.
Looking as good as you can look. Okay, smelling as good as you
can smell. Do not bathe in cologne. Women don't like that.
In fact, you guys, I'm just gonna tell you cologne is a real
like autoimmune trigger for a lot of people now. A lot of
people are like, you know, thumbs down on the cologne. So
if you do like cologne, and you do wear cologne, make sure it's
something that works with your body chemistry. It's not
overpowering. You don't put too much of it on. A little dab will
do you. I think that women like cologne if it's something that
is, you know, it's a it's a favorable smell, and it's not
too overpowering. If you get in the elevator, and you leave the
elevator and for two hours, the elevator still smells like you
you're wearing too much cologne. Okay. All right. So those are
the things that women notice about men, they notice if you're
well groomed, especially if you have facial hair, if your
clothes, if you look like you tried, you know, even if you're
not the most fashionable guy in the world, you look like you
tried, you know, and that you're and that you let you take care
of your take care of your teeth. Cool.
All right. Well, I just have a mustache and a soul patch. Does
that does that look okay?
It just has to be well groomed. Okay. And then the thing that
men notice about women, I want you guys to add this in so I can
tell the women what you said. But what guys have told me I
took a poll, the guys told me the first things that they
noticed about women and also her smile, and her eyes, her
hair. Okay. And so do you guys want to add anything to that?
Those are the three things that men told me they're like, you
know, obviously, if you talk to her a little bit her sense of
humor, her laugh, you know, her demeanor, but just looking at a
woman from across the room, her eyes, her smile, like her face,
like her eyes, her smile and her hair. What do you guys say?
Hair.
Okay, what what about her hair, Paul? What's what do you want it
to look like?
Just, you know, well kept. I usually prefer longer hair, but
it's not like a deal breaker or anything like that. You know,
it's just
Okay. Any particular color of hair?
I see women with gray hair look really nice. So sometimes
purple and pink and mixed colors. I don't know, maybe not.
Yeah. I mean, with highlights, I've seen some with, you know,
different colored highlights that look good. But you know,
it's too far off. But that's probably someone way too young
for me anyway. So
I don't know. There's a lot of there's a lot of women dying
their hair purple nowadays in their 50s and 60s for sure. So
but yeah, I hear you. Okay, so natural occurring colors in
nature. Got it. Does anyone here have a problem with redheads?
Nope. Nope. I was one when I was younger.
Wow. Okay. All right. I've had brown.
You know, one of the things so like, I don't this is gonna
sound bad. I don't know. This may or may not sound bad. I'm
looking I live a lifestyle that's always busy and I'm trying
to stay fit. And so somebody who's taking care of their body,
right, you know, because I want somebody to grow old with and
have fun with and I married a couch potato before and that
was really not a lot of fun for either of us. So I mean, so
like, so somebody who I could go dancing with, I mean, they
don't have to have, you know, I mean, be like, just somebody
who's in shape. Right? Yeah. And and what you have to
understand, though, is that at 49 years old, you know, in
shape.
looks different in your forties and fifties than it did in your twenties and thirties.
And so someone can be really active. Someone could go to Pilates or, you know, be to the
gym and work out, work out with weight. Someone could walk three to five miles a day and still
be a little fluffy, right? Still, still have a little bit of weight around their hips or
their midsection. Cause that's called menopause. And so you're going to have to kind of come
to terms with the fact that, you know, not women in your age range don't all have hard
bodies like they're 20 and 30 years old anymore, you know? And then I don't, a lot of women
didn't even have that then. And so, so in shape can't be judged by whether or not a
woman's carrying an extra 10 to 15 pounds. Cause in your age range, a lot of times they
are no matter what kind of diet or exercise they do. So basically what you're saying,
yeah. So what you're saying is, is you just want someone who loves to be active, who loves
to be active and do things that are active. Cause you don't want to be married to someone
who just sits around and watches television. So that's more something that you're going
to find out by talking to someone than by just looking at them is all I'm saying. And
as a woman, who's going to be 50 years old January. So seven months from now, I just
know it to be true. And you know, they always tell us this when we're young, they're like,
Oh, Hey, you know, just enjoy that fast metabolism while you have it. Because when you get older,
no matter what you eat, you even look at a cookie, you're going to gain 15 pounds. Right?
They tell us that and we never believe it. We're like, whatever, that's ridiculous. All
I got to do is just, you know, you got to run three miles a day and I'll be fit as a
fiddle. Well, that doesn't, that doesn't work anymore when you get older. Okay. All right.
So anyone else, uh, Paul said hair, Mike said he likes the woman who's fit or at least
takes care of herself, wants to be active. Anyone else? What do you notice about a woman?
Um, I think just the way she dresses, just like I wear just like, uh, like just the classiness
and I mean, it doesn't, yeah, I think that, um, yeah, just like, yeah, I think just the
way she dresses. Okay. So you like a classier woman, a woman who isn't always in torn up
jeans and a t-shirt, someone who, you know, carries herself a little more femininity.
Is that what I'm hearing? Ryan? Yes. And then, um, yeah, I think even just like accessories
and stuff, like just knows how to dress well, even though I don't, so I need to up my game
in that one, but okay. So even the accessories, even Ryan says, okay. So like jewelry and stuff.
Um, cool. Yeah, no, that's good. I like that you notice a woman who's well-dressed and that's
great. Anyone else have anything else that you, you know, really noticed about a woman
that really attracts you? Femininity is very attractive, you know, um, like, and women like,
you know, walking in, um, that's, it's funny how like a dress can make all the difference in the
world. Right. Like, I don't know. Uh, there's something like, but it is because it's feminine.
Right. And so, yeah, no, it's true. And I, you guys, just so you know, when women take dating
one-on-one and when they have their seven date challenge, they have, they have three other
challenges. And one of them is wear a dress challenge. You know, a lot of women, they don't,
cause you guys, when women wear dresses, there's a lot to go that goes into that. It's much easier
to throw on some leggings and a t-shirt or a sweatshirt, or, you know, even just a sweater
and a pair of jeans than it is to wear a dress. When we wear a dress, then we got all kinds of
different undergarments that we got to put on that different kinds of shoes that we got to wear.
Our hair has to be styled differently. If we have a dress on than if we have on something much more
casual than that. And of course there's casual dresses, but still when you put on a dress,
you automatically feel a lot, you feel dressed up. And so there's a lot that goes into that.
Okay. So, um, all right. I want you guys to take the seven date, that seven date challenge
seriously. I want you to be posting in the group. So you're, you're checking you guys,
you have a check-in that comes out every Sunday in the group. It's a post that just says, where
are you? What are you working on? You know, kind of thing. And so for those of you that are in the
dating challenge, which is all of you guys and all the guys that listen to this and replay
on that check-in every Sunday, I want you to, you know, give me an update on where you are,
how many dates you've been on, you know, if you're, if you're struggling and you,
and you haven't found a date, then I can get you a date.
That's the other thing I can help you to get a date. Uh, because I want all of you to,
I really feel like this could be a breakthrough for some of you.
Some of you have just been, you've been in this group for a while. You've been
listening, you've been watching, you go to things like prayer and supernatural Saturday and all that,
but you have yet to really, you know, put yourself out there and, and really try to pursue any type
of connection with anyone. And I'm and I want that to change because even if they she doesn't end up
being your spirit mate, that could break the seal off this whole thing. All right. Okay.
There's such a thing as the one before the one, right? There's such a thing as the one before the
one before the one. And sometimes that's what we need. We just need some confidence restored to us
and we need some practice, so to speak. And so it's important that we get out there and do it.
All right. Sound good, everyone. All right. So the dating app is this week, right?
It's not a dating app, Hunter. It's a community app. And so all the things you do here in the
Facebook group are going to be on an app now, including some other things that allow you to
mingle with the women more, which is true. All right. So basically this week, huh?
This week, we'll post in your group and tell you guys how to, how to, how to migrate over there.
Okay. And you guys have a Facebook group. We'll leave a Facebook group open for a while, probably
like the next 90 days. And so if you ever get lost, you can always post a question here and
we'll make sure that, you know, that you get to where you need to be. Okay. Is this recorded,
Jackie? It is recorded. It's recorded you guys next Monday night. There'll be another link for
you guys that are in phase two. It will be online dating. So Renee will be teaching Matt. She's a
great teacher. She dated online for years before, you know, she just recently had success. She's in
a level three courtship right now, marriage minded relationship. And so she's going to give you lots
and lots of practical, practical things that you can do to try to really meet people online. If
that's what you're interested in doing. Okay. Be a great session, regardless of whether you're on
the apps or not. All right. So, okay. Appreciate you guys be watching for our posts to get on the
app. And then you guys, when you're on the app, if anything doesn't work, you, you know, hit a
button, you do this, you do that doesn't work. Please post in our Facebook group and say, Hey,
you know, this isn't working on the app. We're looking, we're really looking to you guys to
be like the beta testers. Okay. All right. Everyone see you soon. Seven days,
seven days, guys, a little less than seven weeks. See you soon. Bye everyone.