Okay, ladies, it is Renee Rizzo here.
I am subbing for Carla for the midday weekly check-in for phase two.
I'm so glad that you are here.
Tonight you guys have been invited to join phase three ladies in the love seat.
And so everyone's like, oh my gosh, what's the love seat?
It's this.
It's just like a check-in where, you know, Jackie will answer your dating questions.
It can be, does it need to be slightly more intimidating because you're in a much larger
crowd.
There might be a hundred women on the call.
So you might think I'm not going to ask for advice on the call in front of that many women.
But the truth is y'all are in the same boat.
They're not like superior to you.
And I always learned so much by other people's questions.
And so a lot of times if you ask a dating question or a situation question, it's something
that somebody else is going through and you're thinking nobody else is going through this.
You are not, we are not as unique as we think we are in our stories are not as unique as
we think they are.
And so it really is helpful to kind of hear them.
And so that's what tonight is all about is that somebody kind of goes over a dating situation.
So it's really the same format that I use on Tuesday nights where I let you guys unpack
a story and we try to give advice.
And like me, Jackie uses those moments to highlight a message or a theme that she might
drive home a little bit more.
So sometimes she'll take it away from that particular person and broaden the topic.
So if you can make it tonight at 8 PM, I believe the link was in the post that Cheryl did go
ahead and look for it.
And it's super fun.
And if you don't want to ask anything, you just go and listen and observe.
I can't remember if it's co-ed.
It might be.
Not all the guys like showing up for love seats.
It's a very, you know, people aren't talking about their dating problems, but sometimes
I think it is co-ed.
Sometimes the guys have really good questions too, or it's just, it's interesting for us
to realize how guys struggle in all of this too.
And these are guys in the program, you know, like trying to do it.
These aren't even just the regular guys.
All right.
So, um, I want you to guys think about this, these four things, as I was looking at your
weekly check-in posts and, um, really seeing what was coming up for me and me remembering
this.
Cause as you guys know, I'm in a level three dating relationship, so it's exclusive.
We have been at that for a few months now and you know, we have moved along very quickly.
Um, we're local to each other.
I'm 55, he's 62.
And so, um, and we both tend to be deep swimming pools, deep in the swimming pools, speakers,
thinkers.
It was hard for us to just stay in the surface conversations.
Um, and so I can't say that we've done it perfectly.
So a lot of times when I'm giving you guys feedback, it's not just from being in leadership
here and being a student and doing the dating process.
It's me walking it out with you knowing that it's perfectly imperfect.
So maybe the first thing I feel called to tell you is just give yourself some grace,
you guys.
I think there's so much pressure.
I don't know if it's because the title is last year's single.
I don't know if it's because you're seeing so many happy posts with people matching
up and getting married.
You have like this FOMO, you don't want to miss out on this chance.
You don't want to screw it up and you're like, okay, I've done it wrong or I've done unhealthy
so many years.
I finally did heart work.
Why is it still hard?
Um, it is, it's just hard.
Relationships are messy.
We are messy, broken people and the chances are of us running into somebody who has done
as much health and healing as us is slim.
I mean, we're always finding people at different levels of their healing journey or maybe they've
done a lot of healing and it's just a hard season in their life.
Maybe they just lost their job.
Maybe they just lost their parent.
Maybe they just got, you know, a message that their mom has cancer.
I don't know.
And so the word that's coming to me is grace.
I really want you to give yourselves some grace in this season.
I want you to give all of the men that you're talking to grace, not all of them just because
they suck at texting, just because they don't ask you out, just because they don't know
what boundaries are.
It doesn't mean that they're a scammer.
It doesn't mean they're your husband and it doesn't mean that they're a bad guy.
They might just be inexperienced, naive and clunky.
Um, now there are some ding, there's are, there's some ding dongs out there for sure.
And hopefully when you're God defended, you stop worrying about that.
Like I'm amazed at, I'm grateful.
Let me say this first.
I'm grateful that three years ago when Jackie did the dating challenge with us, nobody was
more anti online dating than me.
If you watch the online dating video, you know, I talk about that.
I've been I'm so old, you guys.
I've been online dating when online dating didn't really exist.
Do you know what I mean?
Like when eHarmony used to be like 25 levels of conversation
before you even saw what they looked like, you know, and there was no swiping.
There was no swiping.
It was just all this analysis.
And and so I understand
that there are parts of online dating that just stink.
It's just frustrating.
And no one ever thought that they could get a handle on it more than me.
And I did because I wanted the dating challenge.
I wanted to practice dating.
Now, I try to do all of the things.
But, you know, I live in a town.
I was in ministry.
And so I'm in ministry.
I ran a nonprofit.
And I also was in community theater.
So that put me in front of married men and gay men, married and gay men.
Neither one of them were healthy dating options, you know.
And I can't tell you how many of my married friends are like,
I don't know a good guy for you. Really?
You don't know one guy.
You haven't met one guy in the last 10 years
that you could potentially have to go out for coffee with.
Like, I don't know.
Our married friends just do not know how to set us up.
They just don't. They just they're just terrible at it.
They're just terrible at it.
And I wish it were better.
I wish it were better inside the church once you're turned 35.
Young adult ministry, of course, young adult ministry
got really popular the second I aged out of young adult ministry.
And so I missed the boat.
I'm getting to enjoy that kind of group collective getting to know single people.
So I joined what I call the wasteland.
I call age 35 to 55 the wasteland in church.
They don't know what to do with single people our age.
They know what to do with single mothers.
They know what to do with divorce care.
That's great.
But until you're 55, 55 is the magic age
that they now have 55 plus groups and that has all the geriatrics.
It could be married or single people, widowed people.
And so basically you're on your own from 35 to 55.
So you have to be more creative.
You have to be willing to try online.
You have to be willing to Google meetup groups, event groups, single events.
It means you might have to look up what kind of things your city is doing.
Are there festivals?
You guys, it's spring and summer.
Are there summer concert series going on?
Are there craft festivals?
Although you're not going to meet a lot of men at a craft festival,
not straight men.
They're husbands.
You're going to meet husbands and gay men that are dragged there.
And so you have to start looking at things.
Do I want to pick up golf lessons?
Do I want to go to the driving range?
Do I want to go learn how to throw an ax?
Do I want to go shoot a gun?
Do I want to go to an escape game, an obstacle course?
Are you willing if you don't want to get online?
Are you willing to do a lot of other things?
Sign up for speed dating.
Take a cooking class.
Go volunteer at Habitat for Humanity.
Don't go volunteer at something that's only going to bring up
a bunch of other females.
Go volunteer at things, you know, that are going to draw in other men
like Habitat for Humanity, like feeding the homeless.
Anything that's going to require them to use their muscles just a little bit.
You're going to get a bunch of dudes out for that.
Look for five K's that are being hosted by the fire department
in the police department or just go do walk a five K.
There's plenty of officers all over the course and firemen and EMTs
all around you just pretend to faint.
I don't know. Find creative ways.
When you go to a gym like, you know, I used to join a Bougie.
I used to be.
I well, then I was an instructor, a Bougie like bars, Pilates studio.
Yeah. No guys.
Again, no straight men coming to the Pilates bar studio.
But he is showing up and he might, you know,
maybe he's at Lifetime Fitness or the fancy ones.
But most likely, again, those are the married dudes.
You know where all the single dudes are.
They're at Planet Fitness Gold's Gym.
And you're like, oh, my gosh, I would never go to that gym.
I don't know.
Like if you find a nice town like the Planet Fitness in my mom's hometown
or my hometown, total ghetto, not so fun.
But the Planet Fitness in my little town, very yuppie,
you know, very like men of all races and ethnic groups.
But definitely a different caliber.
So go to a nice town.
You can join a Planet Fitness for ten bucks a month.
I'm not saying that's what you should do.
I'm just trying to encourage you
to be open to what it takes to meet people.
Here's other things that you want to do to be open to meeting people in this stage.
Look nice wherever you go.
You guys, I'm wearing my yoga pants below my waist.
You don't know this, but I'm getting ready to go to the gym.
But I'm like, well, crap, I got to get on camera.
So I got to make sure I look at least good boobs up.
And so that's what you need to think about every time you go to the grocery
store, Walgreens, Walmart, church, the airport, the gym.
Yes. Like you. And it's.
I get it, like it's exhausting, but you guys, I took five minutes to look cute.
Look, I put my hair up in a ponytail, took little pieces of hair out, put some like powder
on my face and threw in some lipstick.
That's it.
It took me under three minutes to look halfway decent for y'all.
So you don't have to do full on like stage makeup to go out the door, but you want to
make sure you look pretty darn good everywhere you go.
Like my sister teases me like for the airport, you know, for the longest time.
She's like, my gosh, Renee, it's six o'clock in the morning.
Why do you look like that?
All right.
I'm still single.
I got to look good all the time because you know what's going to happen the one time I
look scrappy, that's what I'm going to see some hot dude and I'm going to be too chicken
to go talk to him because I look like crap.
And when I make myself look good, I feel good.
And when I feel good about myself, I feel more confident and I exude that.
So believe it or not, men are attracted.
Here's the thing that men are most attracted to your eyes and your smile and your confidence.
Eyes, smile, confidence, twinkle in your eye, smile on your face, not the resting bitch
face that some of us can get, smile, eyes and confidence.
That makes up for anything that you think is your physical deficit.
I don't care how tall or short you are, how skinny or fat you are, don't care.
And yes, girls, like even five minute makeup can make us look a little better than normal.
So let's go for it.
And so make sure you do that.
So always show up with your best front forward.
So that's kind of the things I wanted to talk about there.
Let's see pacing and not getting overwhelmed.
I'm already reading some of your posts like, oh my gosh, it's exhausting.
Now I only ever, I never did more than two apps at the same time.
It was always, it was always Facebook dating cause it was free and I was on Facebook so
much for my job.
So that was a free one.
That was an easy one to keep open.
But guess what?
Even that one, you can pause it at any time.
You've got too many that you're matched up to hit pause.
It's not going to match you with any more and you can just keep talking to the ones
that are there.
And then my second one, I alternated between Hinge, Bumble, maybe Match, maybe Harmony.
I know there are people who've worked with Upward, Salt, Holy.
Here's the thing.
I say this in the video, you guys, you could focus all day long about the ding dongs, the
scammers, the idiots, the tools, the ghosters.
You could.
And I assure you that that is a hundred percent wasting your time.
So one of the things I learned, I'm going to give you like an analogy.
So one of the things I learned, I grew up in the North, so we had to learn how to steer.
We learned how to handle driving through ice and what happens to your car when it can't
get control of the ground anymore.
When you start to fishtail, you are taught to put your eyes in the direction of where
you want to go.
So you focus on your vision, not your hands on the steering wheel.
When your eyes turn back to the road, your hands more slowly come back to the center
and you're much more quickly to right the road.
However, if you're in a spin on the ice and you let your hands lead, you will overcorrect
and you just continue the fishtail.
So you actually don't gain any traction.
So if you are dating, however you're dating in phase two, whether it's church, meetup
groups or online, I want you to focus all your energy on where you want to go and what's
going well.
I'm going to really encourage you to stop negative speech out loud in your head and
as you text, a lot of you aren't even in phase two, like two weeks and you're already going,
oh my gosh, I'm so discouraged.
Men don't know how to talk.
This is awful.
I hate, I'm like, dude, you've been here two weeks, stop.
Like this is too fast for you get to be getting discouraged.
And I promise you guys, we're watching you.
We've actually had to put members of this program on what we call a negativity fast,
where you get a fancy email from moi and I basically tell you, you have 60 days to improve
what you're speaking out loud because it's pulling you down and it's pulling other people
down.
You are whining in every post.
You're whining in all the chats.
You're whining in part.
You guys, are you allowed to share your frustrations and your concerns a hundred percent?
We want to walk you through all of the tough stuff here, so please don't hear me saying
you can never complain.
I'm not saying that.
I'm just encouraging you to not sit in that posture for long.
I'm just encouraging you to find the silver lining, even in the hard moments.
You know, Jackie and Bethany are famous for saying yet, like whatever you want to say,
add the word yet to it.
Like I'm not meeting good men yet.
I'm not able to get to the first date yet.
I'm feeling, you know, I'm not feeling encouraged yet. The word yet still attaches some hope to it.
So you're acknowledging the pain that you're in and the sadness that you're feeling,
but you're not letting defeat win in the final breath. And as you guys, if there's anybody that
understands agony, it is Jesus. Remember when he was in the Garden of Gethsemane,
he was so stressed. He was sweating drops of blood. Twice in scripture
it says that he asked the angel to remove his anxiety.
They call it anguish, which was probably mental anguish.
And it doesn't ever say that his anguish or his anxiety was removed.
In fact, what scripture says is that he says, nevertheless, thy will be done. And he got up.
So I really want you guys to grab hold of nevertheless. It's discouraging right now.
Nevertheless, I'm gonna press forward. You know, I didn't meet a healthy guy or that ended. Nevertheless,
I'm gonna trust the process.
Nevertheless, here's the crazy thing. Every time that we put somebody on a negativity fast, we're like, hey,
we're watching you for the next 60 days. You are not allowed to post at all,
unless it's positive. And do you want to know every single person that we've had to do that with?
They go out of the 60 days, guess what's happened? They've met their person.
The most negative person, the most
Debbie Downer
complainer who had ever, and we would be like, man, that girl is just never gonna find her mate.
She is just, it is not that she's ugly on the outside,
but her whole spirit's ugly, like no dude's ever gonna like her. Like that's where even we get in our flesh.
And we watch what the Holy Spirit does during the negativity fast. And sure enough, every single time
these women come out of that fast, boom, there's their guy. I can't explain it.
So please don't make me push you to that point.
Don't push Bethany or Jackie to the point where we have to like really go, no.
So yes, we want you to share your discouragements, but we really want you to focus on what's working.
We really want you to see all of that.
So if your dating life is stinking, the first thing I might say to you is
what are you doing to feed your soul and your mind and your spirit?
My pastor always used to say that when people say I feel very far from God, he's really distant.
He's not really answering my prayers. The first thing my pastor will say is, so how often are you getting in the Word?
How often are you meeting alone with God? How often are you doing something fun with God? Like where is he in your story?
Well, you know, I haven't been to church. Well, I haven't had time to read the Bible. I've been busy at work.
Well, if a relationship is not cultivated then and it's not cared for, then that relationship is gonna go sour.
And that actually begins with our relationship with ourself.
If we go down in negativity train, chances are is we're not taking care of ourself.
And so write this down.
Write this down. I want you to check your PI's. I teach this in the boundary teaching, but I'm pulling it out today.
So if you've not watched the boundary teaching, it's the fourth video. You're gonna, these are two acronyms.
So the first acronym is PI's.
Your second acronym is habits. If you are feeling down in the, down in the dirt and you're like, oh my gosh Renee,
I just can't get out from underneath this. I want you to look at your PI's. So your PI's, the P is for physical.
How is your physical well-being? Are you getting sleep?
Are you getting healthy food in your body?
Are you moving your body?
Are you taking the medicine that you're supposed to be taking? Are you eating foods that you should or shouldn't be taking?
So your physical body,
how's your physical body doing? If your physical body is not being cared for, it's really hard for you to take care of yourself.
The second word is I for intellectual.
How are you doing with your mind? Are you reading inspirational things? Are you watching inspirational podcasts?
Are you watching inspirational TV?
Or are you watching every trash thing that's on the planet? And which it could be either love is blind, all the reality shows,
I love love is blind, not gonna lie.
Or the Hallmark movies, going down the Hallmark movie train or the news. You guys, my dad used to watch,
there's something about men and women over 60 watching Fox News all damn day long.
I don't know what it is, but man, that would make me want to slit my wrist. Like it's just exhausting to watch news
24-7. We were not meant to do that. So intellectually, what are you putting in your mind? Is it healthy for you?
E,
emotional. How is your emotional health? How are you doing on your emotion?
Are you expressing all of the emotions? Do you have a place to unpack your emotions?
Is there a safe place for you to do that? Whether it's with family, friends, a 12-step meeting, your counselor.
How well are you acknowledging your feelings and giving them its proper space,
but not letting them run you amok? Like you might have to say, I feel a lot
loan, but is that true? I feel like a failure, but is that true? Okay. The S is spiritual.
So I've already kind of alluded to that. How is your spiritual life going? Are you getting
to church? Are you in the word? Are you praying? Are you worshiping the Lord? Are you whatever
you need that you know, moves your spiritual needle forward. So check your pies, physical,
intellectual, emotional, or spiritual. If those aren't in sync, and then it's going
to be really hard for you to do anything I just said for the last 20 months, 20 minutes.
So you want to get those right first. The other thing you want to look at is your habits.
Are you hungry? So H is hungry. A is angry. B is bored. I is isolated. T is tired. S is
stressed. If you are hungry, angry, bored, isolated, tired, or stressed, it's really
going to be hard for you to have a good attitude. So if you're hungry, you might just need a
good meal. You might need to stop thinking about what's going on. Don't get online. Don't
talk to anybody, but go get some food. And y'all, I don't mean junk food. I mean the
perimeter of the store food, the food that God created, single source, whole food items.
We're big believers of single source, whole food items here. Lean protein, vegetables,
fruit, the stuff God made. Okay. Angry, usually angry. I love Jackie and Bethany says all
the time. Angry is typically hurts shield or hurts armor. So if you're angry about something,
maybe dig deeper and unpack what you might be hurt about. Where might you be sad? And
acknowledge that and let it have its proper space. Bored, maybe you need to go out and
do something fun. Like go do something fun and silly. Just get out and have some fun
and make sure you laugh. Watch a 20 minute comedy thing. Um, but go do something. Get
on board. Isolated. You might eat. You're like Renee, but I have no friends. I have
no family. Then go to a coffee shop. Um, go somewhere, go anywhere, go to a park, go play
any, go down your cute little street, go find a place to get you out of the home. You guys,
I'm now working from home full time and I'm an extrovert and it has been really, really
done a number on my psyche. I don't know. I worked at a nonprofit. I ran a clinic so
I didn't have to deal with the shutdown. Like when COVID happened, even as a single person,
I still had to go into the office. So I didn't go through that darkness that a lot of people
went to in COVID. And so I will just say, if you're isolated, you need to get out tired.
Y'all, you might need to go to sleep, like put the TV off and get to bed early and then
stressed. You know, might need to add like a somatic yoga exercise to your day. A gentle
walk, gentle movement, anything like a 20 minute yoga, gentle. If you hate yoga and
you think it's demonic, then go do some other kind of movement. I'm not going to debate
that with y'all. Go for a walk, just be gentle with your body, go out in nature. Um, so sometimes
you actually have to take care of your pies and your habits before you can do anything
else on this dating thing. None of those things will work if those things are out of whack.
Does that make sense? Awesome. Um, okay. And then of course, really try not to focus
on the outcomes right away. Try to just enjoy the process. When I've been in any kind of
experiential or retreat type setting somewhere on the wall, it says, trust the process, trust
the process, trust the process. And it means to stop looking at the outcome. So just trust
this process, you know, watch dating a one Oh one until you can teach that class yourself.
Watch um, levels of dating and online dating and boundaries until you know that that content
so well, you can help me teach it. Like let it become a part of your very fabric of your
beating. Go out and try the things that we're discussing, but you guys make sure you make
time to be with your family and your friends and you live like I want you to live life.
I finally got to the place. Now here's the thing. I hate the phrase, be content in your
singleness because usually when people say it means give up, right? Just be content.
You're never going to get married to just suck it up and, and like maybe they don't
always mean it, but I feel like that's like the undertone. So here's where I landed by
a year ago and I even feel this way now, even with Rick, I 100% suspect I will die always
wanting to be married. I don't think that that desire is ever going to leave my body,
but I'm also not going to compromise. And I also know that I'm a hundred percent who
God's made me to be single. Does that mean I'm content? I don't know. I'm actually not
completely content about it. There are some,
There's some discomfort still being single.
I really want to be married.
I do, and I'm okay with that.
So I'm willing to sit in what I call the tension.
So I don't call it content, I call it tension.
I'm in the tension of trusting God,
being all that he's made me to be
while I still want to be married.
So that's the place I want to get you all to,
that you can enjoy and fully live the life
that's in front of you while you hold tension and space
for the part of you that still wants to get married.
They can both coexist.
Okay, so my teaching is up.
We are almost at the bottom of the hour.
The floor is yours for the next 30 minutes.
Beth, you are up first.
Hey, Renee.
Okay, so this is my first time talking in I think phase two.
So I love that there's only 13 people, it's perfect.
So, okay, so this is kind of a little bit of my story.
This is not a complaint.
This is a, I need some processing.
So got divorced, was married for 23 years,
got divorced end of 2018, didn't date for several years.
I had no desire to get remarried
or hang out with any gentlemen after that experience.
But I got over that.
And I guess now after a couple of years, I started dating.
Of course, that was terrifying
after being married for 23 years.
I was like, oh my gosh, how do you do this?
But my point in saying that is
I made myself go out there
and I probably went on like 27 first dates, right?
Like I just, I, yeah, I know, it's crazy.
I've been there, I get it.
I just had to go for it.
I was like, if I'm gonna get over myself, I just have to go.
And I just had to realize,
even though I still did have the romantic notion,
was like, I know how to talk to people.
I'll just go out with men and I'll talk to them
and it'll be okay.
And it was.
Okay, so for about a year and a half, two years,
did that, dated two different people,
I would say like had a dating relationship
with two different people.
Okay, whatever, fine.
Okay, and then I realized if I'm gonna do this,
I really, I'm not dating to date.
I want some, okay, fine.
Then that just like, it all died off.
There just wasn't, there just, it just didn't happen.
So it was kind of just this dead wasteland.
Enter last year single.
I had to totally suspend disbelief
because honestly for me, it felt really cheesy
in that sense, like the name of it.
I was like, I don't know, it felt desperate.
But anyway, I, anyway, I couldn't,
I listened to Jackie's first three teachings before
and I was like, this is God, I gotta click the button.
So anyway, that's how I got here.
So sorry for all that background, but.
Okay, so we do the five or eight weeks of phase one grade.
I enter this, I'm like, I've done this before.
It'll be great, it'll be fine, it'll be whatever.
And I have just been like kind of ambivalent
and not really engaged.
So at first I was like, okay, well,
the whole idea of marriage,
even though I've kind of intellectually decided
like my heart was having a hard time catching up.
So I got to the point where I could say
I'm ready to meet the love of my life.
Like I'm ready to meet that person.
Like, am I ready to get married right this second?
Nope, but when I meet them and we build a relationship,
then I'll be ready.
So I feel like I've done that process
with the Lord and other people to be like, okay, okay.
I don't have to say I'm getting married next week.
I'm just ready to meet somebody.
But I feel like I've been super ambivalent.
I feel like I'll start things,
but I'm just, it's like not clicking.
And I don't know if that's just me,
not really, you know, putting in the,
I know that I'm not fully putting in the effort
because it's a lot of work.
But I guess I'm just trying to go like,
is there any thoughts or advice
on how to get my head in the game
to where I'm a little more focused and willing?
I mean, I don't know.
And that's very roundabout, sorry.
No, no, no.
So I would say,
I think I shared a lot of ways that you can meet people.
Obviously, you know how to get first dates.
So you have to first look at your God-defended list.
What are the things that you're looking for in a person
that aren't the self-defended list,
but the God-defended list?
And maybe pay attention on that list.
Where might he most likely be?
Where might you most likely run into him?
And then if you think about that,
think about the venues you most likely
would be willing to go into first to go find him.
So you might not pick an online dating place
because you're like, ugh, I know how to do that.
Like, I know how to do that.
I want a guy who likes to go out and hike.
Well, I'm gonna Google in my town,
local hiking clubs, meetups that only go hiking.
I really wanna be with somebody who does pickleball.
I'm gonna join my local pickleball thing.
I want a guy who's altruistic.
I'm going to commit that every Saturday, I'm going to join a different volunteer thing
that's like a two or three hour gig where I might meet other single people, you know,
that like to volunteer.
So start to think about the qualities you're looking for.
I mean, don't just pick Christian because, and guess what you guys, here's the problem
with a lot of single men that are Christian is if they have no kids, they go in a church
at the last minute and they bail out the door.
So chances of you actually bumping into them at church may not be high as you think.
And again, remember we talked about the wasteland that is 35 to 55.
If your guy is in that age category, he is like so scared to show up at any singles ministry
that the church has because it's usually 50 women and one guy and he feels pounced on.
And so he's not even showing up there.
So that might be my encouragement to you is look at the qualities that you're looking
for a person and start to dream about where you think he might be and where he might be
showing up and just start there picking something that you would like to do so it doesn't feel
like a job for you, right?
Like you're friendly, you're pretty, you know, you probably Beth just need to show up in
a few places and you're going to get some attention.
You know, I mean, it's not going to take you long to do that if you just get out there.
So that would be my, that's what my gut is telling me.
My gut, the Holy Spirit is telling me to tell you is go out and find some things to do that
you like to do that you're hoping he likes to do too.
And you might start, not just maybe, and you might not even meet men right away.
Maybe you'll meet couples and then you're like, Hey, you know, and this is what you
can say to couples that you meet, like, you know what, I'm out there dating again.
It's really hard.
If you guys ever want to invite me to picnics and parties, don't worry that I'm, I may or
may not only be the single person there because the more married couples you meet, the more
they might know the single guy that's not going to show up to anything and won't get
online.
And he might be that, that might be the best way.
The other thing, Oh, this is just coming to me.
The other thing, this one woman swore by, she's like, Renee, do you like college basketball?
I'm like, Oh, I love college basketball.
She's like, I bought season tickets at like Vanderbilt's college basketball.
And I, because when you buy season tickets, you start to get to know the people in that
area.
And usually if people have season tickets, I got some money, but you can start to get,
and that's another way to get to know a completely different group of people that aren't your
same old, same old church people.
So again, it's trying to put yourself, expose yourself to new people who either might be
your guy or know people who know your guy.
And that's what Jackie calls community matchmaking.
So that might help you kind of get out of your with it right now.
How's that feel?
Does that feel like good?
Awesome.
Great question.
That's a really great question.
And you guys, that's applicable to all of you.
If any of the online dating feels like a job, find something you love to do.
Let me quickly answer Carrie's question in the thing.
Okay.
Do you, do people put in their profile, um, word describing godly women, et cetera, just
check the box Christian.
It really, I've seen it all ways.
Um, I know for me, I put Christian in as a box and here's how I shared my faith.
Very simple.
I am looking for somebody who's willing to grow mind, counseling, body, physically fit,
eating healthy, spirit, relationship with Jesus.
That's it.
That is all I wrote about my faith.
I want somebody willing to grow mind, body, spirit, because I wanted him to think I was
more than just a Jesus girl, right?
There was time in the conversations for me to get to Jesus girl and like, Oh, and by
the way, I've been in ministry full time for 25 years now I'm in seminary.
Have I scared you off yet on my faith?
You know, like I don't feel like I want to throw that bomb on them right away.
So I think it's okay as women that you mention it once, but make it part of more than one
thing about you.
You want to show a guy that you're more than just your faith.
Now guys, I know Jackie has said that some Christian men don't put their faith at all
because they don't want to get swarmed by Christian women wanting to get married.
I can only tell you my experience, which is pretty in depth.
I have yet to meet a man who did not put Christian, but was actually Christian.
Usually if they put nothing or spiritual, but they had everything else in the looks
I was looking for.
They were local and I started talking to them nine out of 10 times.
They barely had a faith system at all, or not one that matched up for me.
Now, many guys don't put their faith in their bio.
They still might just check Christian.
And so the jury's out on that.
Don't assume one way or the other, and you guys, in case you've not heard me say
is here's how I ask the faith conversations in text.
So please hear this,
because people like want to talk about sex.
I'm not gonna have sex till I get married
and is he a Jesus lover?
Like in the first text message, no, no, no, no, no.
And I know some of you are like,
well, why am I gonna waste my time talking to a guy
if he's not a Jesus lover?
Because we don't know yet
that you've got mad dating skills yet.
Right now we're still trying to practice your dating skills
and making sure that you know how to woo men in,
drop the hanky, let him lead.
So until we see that you consistently know how to do that,
we want you practicing dating,
because not every guy, not every believer
is gonna vomit all that information up front.
Just because you're like Jesus right away
doesn't mean that he is.
And so here's usually the question I like to ask people.
What are the things that you enjoy
or are important to you
that take up the majority of your time these days?
What do you enjoy or what is important to you
that take up the majority of your time these days?
Because I don't care if they mentioned faith
if it's zero part of their time.
Whatever they're spending time on right now, you guys,
that's what matters to them.
Whether it's their kids or their job, their golf course,
whatever they say are the things
that they're spending their time in,
that's their priority right now.
They may have a wishlist in front of them,
but it's how they speak right now.
Now, and then I sometimes I'll say, let me go first.
I like to hike, work out, eat healthy.
I love live community theater.
I love college sports.
I'm active in my church and I love to volunteer.
Do you see how I slipped my faith in there?
But it wasn't like, oh my gosh.
It was one of all of the things that make Renee Renee.
Now, if he responds to that and I hear Zippo about church,
I don't ask him, I didn't hear you mention Jesus.
Do you follow Jesus yet?
I just go, hmm, note to self.
And then I wait till we're on a video call,
which, because remember, I don't,
if you watch the online dating,
I don't text more than three or four times before I say,
hey, those are great questions.
I'm done texting.
If you wanna keep talking to me,
I need to switch over to video.
I find texting too clunky.
I don't give out phone numbers.
I don't care if it's a Google number.
I don't want them have access to continue the texting mania
like some of you are complaining.
He's texting me at work.
Well, cause you gave him your phone number
or he's calling me every night without booking a date
cause you gave him a phone number.
That's why I like to book a video date
before I give away any phone number
cause I wanna control how often they're communicating
with me and I wanna see them first.
And people are like, well, why do you wanna see them first?
I don't wanna say like, oh, it's cause I don't know
if you're a scammer.
No, I'm just like, I say, you know what you guys,
I'm super ADD.
I'm very visual.
I learn about people better when I can see them,
especially the first time.
And if they don't find that comforting or not
and they don't wanna accommodate that, I'm done with them.
Bye-bye, no big deal.
And so that's how you control them.
Like they're texting me too much.
They're calling me too much.
Make sure, be smart about giving out that phone number.
Book a couple dates, let them be consistent
before you give out something as precious
as a number to reach you 24 seven.
That's all I'm saying.
I did a sidebar there, I didn't mean to.
But usually around the date, a video date
is when I can learn a little bit more
and share a little bit more about my faith.
Like, hey, I just talked about church.
Is that, is church or your faith a part of your life?
That's the other question I will ask on a video.
Is faith a part of your life?
And or how does faith show up for you today?
How does faith show up for you today?
I don't ask for their attendance.
I don't ask if they speak in tongues,
which spiritual gifts they have,
what fruit of the spirit they're modeling.
I always say, how is faith showing up in your life today?
And that simple question, you find out enough
if you wanna keep moving forward.
Okay, enough said about that.
I got a sideways, but that was good information to teach you.
Diane.
So you actually answered one of my questions
was about the over text.
So basically don't give my number as soon as I did.
Cause yeah.
And then the other one is,
so I had a really great date yesterday,
but he did also mention he's gonna get deployed
and it will be a three year stint.
So to me that's like, okay, this is going nowhere.
Bless.
He's looking for some video buddies while he's deployed.
Oh, but so let me say.
I didn't get that impression.
We met through our kids at a birthday party.
But just bad timing.
I mean, keep talking to him if you want.
I mean, you know, he gets, he will have leave and stuff,
but it'll be a challenge.
Well, and it's like legit deployed.
Like Italy.
I believe him.
I was like, yeah.
And I, and I know that he's in the military and all that,
but I just was like, this is going nowhere.
Do you want it to go somewhere?
Um, I mean, we definitely have a lot in common.
We have a lot of mutual friends, and it turns out
we're actually from, like, a very similar
neighborhood where we grew up, but
he's legit going to be gone in Italy
for three years. I'm not moving
in the next six months.
Well, it's funny that you say that. One of the girls in our
community, she met a guy in our community
who got deployed to
Italy, and
he comes to the States.
Like, they're going to probably get married
in the next year
or two before he's done.
But she's gone to Italy
for summer breaks.
I do speak Italian, and I've lived there,
which he knows.
I'm saying
don't necessarily write it off.
It's a yes until it's a no.
Do I want you to put your eggs in that basket?
No.
I do have a date with Curtis on Friday, so I'm starting to...
Don't write it off. As far as the overtexting,
you guys, and I think I try to say
this in somebody's question. When somebody
starts to text you too much, you just
set a boundary and just say, look, you know what? I hate
texting as a way
to get to know people. It's the only
way you start online dating, but now
that we're off the app,
my preference is
booking phone calls and
video calls so that we can have
intentional conversation because
honestly, my work schedule and my family
schedule is just too busy for me to
text all day long.
So he now said
I prefer to book a phone
call or a video call. My schedule
doesn't warrant little piddly text
through the conversation. If he doesn't
honor that boundary
request, he's not your guy
because if he's not going to follow what you're
asking for in a texting thing, he's not
going to follow anything else that you put
in front of him. So hopefully that answered that
too. Karen, you bet.
Turn your video on
and your volume on. There you go.
Got it. Yeah, so
you did answer some of my questions. I posted
it on Facebook about a guy who
wanted to, I asked for a
video chat after, you know, some
online communication
and he didn't want to.
He said he'd done it before
and it just, it wasn't
a good way to first get
to know somebody. He didn't go into detail
about it, but he did answer
and it just wasn't a good way to first
get to know somebody. He didn't go into detail.
So he's kind of, you know,
said goodbye. Thanks, but goodbye.
So yeah, so moving on
with that, but I'm wondering
what about a messenger call
like on Facebook messenger call
versus Zoom? Is that
okay or? Only time I
switch to, I don't, again,
I don't start with a phone call because I
still can't see them. You guys, it's not
even just a scammer thing
and I was one of those guys
that was so excited, you know,
I was like, you know, I was like,
I'm so excited for my first
time. Hey, I want to see if they're the
age of the photos that they've sent me.
Now, women, we are
guilty of filtering and makeup,
too much makeup, too much filtering. So that's
guys biggest complaint is that we
over filter it, not we, but you know,
women over filter their photos and I
would argue what men do is put up old
photos. So I like to see them.
That helps me retain everything you're saying
because I'm not just looking for is he a
scammer? Is he the right age? I'm looking
for how does he carry
himself in a video setting?
How's he dressed? What's the
background furniture? Does he have any
artwork on the wall? Is he showing
up sitting down at a table
treating it like thing or is he like
in a, is he topless or in
bed and he's like this, like, like
no. So I'm looking
for all the body language. You know,
80% of our body language,
80% of communication
is tone inflection and body language, and
you can't get all that in a phone call. So
the only time, Karen, I allow
Facebook video
is if they already
are Facebook friends with me and they know my
last name. Right? So
the only way you can do Facebook
messenger is if you
add, you don't have to be friends.
Now, so here's the thing, you guys. So there
are, and I may have not shared this before,
but there are a lot of single, Christian
single Facebook groups out there.
The 824 Collective,
the Grown Ups Table,
Christians Over 50, like all
you have to do is Google on, search
on Facebook to put
Christian single groups and it'll show you a million
of them. Heart of Dating Christian.
Now, there can be a bunch of ding
dongs in all of them, so you have to weed through them
the same way you would online dating.
But you do get to see their last name and their
profile, which means they get to see yours.
And so those would have been the men
I would have done videos
from Facebook Messenger. Again,
I would book it. There was this
one guy I met, he kept trying
to video call
and call me on Facebook Messenger
without ever booking it.
I never picked it up because I
felt like that was rude
to try to, like, I don't know
you. You're not my friend yet.
Like, I'm still trying to figure out who you are and if we're going to have a video chat,
I want to know that that video call is coming through.
And like, I get it, like once you start dating a little bit more and you've exchanged phone
numbers, then you're adding, then you're saying, I'm willing for you to interrupt me.
That's what I feel like a phone number means.
I'm willing for you to interrupt me and call me or text me whenever.
I don't give people that kind of access to me until after I've had a visual verbal contact
with them and I feel safe to do so.
And so let's see.
So you say the last part about the relationship with you, the beginning part, mind, body,
spirit.
Carrie, unless that wasn't clear, how my profile said it in my Facebook page is I care about
somebody who is willing to grow mind, parentheses, be willing to go to therapy, body, eat right,
exercise, spirit, follower of Jesus.
So I said mind, body, spirit, but in parentheses, I defined what I meant by mind, body, spirit.
So hopefully that answered your question.
Okay.
Let me just, you guys, I'm just checking the thing here.
If you feel into video chatting every day and he expects it, can I go back to not talking
every day?
Oh, good Lord.
You know, Andrea, that's a great question.
You guys, sometimes we get sucked into a pace that's too fast for us and we have to reel
it back in.
And I think it's okay to say, you know what, I'm realizing I don't have the capacity right
now in my life to video chat every single night.
I'm realizing between family, school, church, volunteer, whatever it is your thing is, like
I just can't commit to that at this stage of our dating.
Right now we're just getting to know each other.
And I would really reserve daily videos to somebody I'm in an exclusive dating relationship
with and we are just not there yet.
And so I would say if they get offended by that, that's on them, not on you.
Let them get offended.
You guys, I'm learning this the hard way.
I always say to you guys in the boundaries class, sometimes we have to cause hurt not
to cause harm later.
We don't want to hurt people's feelings.
So we don't say anything.
We don't want to hurt people's feelings, so we don't say anything.
So my boyfriend spent years in his old relationships not saying how he really felt.
He was the codependent like me.
He would keep his mouth shut, keep his mouth shut, keep his mouth shut.
And then he would finally speak up.
And if you're a fellow people pleaser like us, when you finally speak up, sometimes it
comes out like an explosion because you can't take it anymore.
And then you get called the controller or the narcissist because you've had a meltdown.
And so what I've noticed is now Rick is much more honest when I hurt his feelings all the
time.
And I was like, can't you go a week without telling me what I'm doing wrong?
And as we unpacked it last night, I realized he was trying to do that.
You know, he was like, I need to learn how to start speaking up sooner because I don't
want to cause more harm later.
But because it's so new for him, he's possibly being a little bit more blunt that he's intending
to be.
He doesn't have as many eloquent words as I do.
And so sometimes it just, it comes out.
And so I'm going, Ooh, I've got to take the posture that this is him trying to exercise
clunky.
Hey, Renee, I think you just hurt my feelings.
I'm not, it's a, I'm not breaking up with you.
I'm not upset with you, but if I don't tell you now, it's going to build up and I'm going
to start to resent you.
And I'm like, oh crap.
So that's how we have to like practice this, you guys.
So if that's telling him not to call you every day, not to do a video date with you, we have
to practice early in our dating relationship with somebody.
So we get more comfortable at saying hard things.
Speak the truth in love.
Larissa.
Hi, Renee.
Hey.
Hi.
Sorry, my camera is not turned on right now because I'm driving.
So, yeah, so, um, I've been chatting with this guy for a little over a week now and
we've had, I think, two video dates so far and we are planning on meeting in person this
weekend.
Uh, first, um, meet in person.
So I just wanted to ask, uh, should I go ahead at this point and ask him if to split the
bill or how we're going to share the bill or anything like that at this point?
Yeah.
Don't say anything, but assume he's paying.
So this, so Jackie wants you to assume he's, I would say always, you guys always go prepared
to pay your bill.
Like you never want to show up with no money, God forbid he's, you know, not chivalrous
and he's not going to pay.
But always assume that he's going to pay.
So when the bill comes, you wait to see if he picks it up.
And you wait until he says, you're going to force his hand.
You're going to not say anything unless he says,
would you like to split the bill?
OK.
And at that point, you have two options.
I had a girlfriend, where is she?
She was on last week, Dawn.
She was like, actually, I would prefer not to split the bill.
I would prefer for you to be chivalrous the first time.
And I was like, oh, girl, that was so bold.
I don't know that I would have the guts to do that.
I would have been like, oh, OK, here's my card.
So you can do whatever play that you want.
You can just say, you know what, I'm sorry.
You asked me out on this first date.
I guess I'm old fashioned.
I thought you were paying for the first date.
You could say that.
Or you could say, if that's important to you,
I'll split it with you.
Or I'd prefer not.
Or you can just simply say, I prefer not.
I'm old fashioned like that.
So say whatever you're comfortable with saying,
but it is OK for him to pay.
Here's the only thing you need.
Oh, but I feel obligated.
Here's all you need to say when they pay.
Thank you so much.
That was really kind of you.
I really appreciate it.
Really way, way thank them.
Don't just say, oh, thank you.
No.
You say, thank you so much.
That was really kind of you.
I really appreciate it.
All right.
Go out of your way.
Good luck.
I can't wait to hear about it next week.
Yes, ma'am.
You bet.
Thank you.
Carrie, you can respond to people,
but we don't want you giving advice to people.
So feel free to comment on somebody's post,
but we like to let the coaches do the coaching.
What if I feel like I do not look
that great on video camera?
Where do I book a video call?
All right.
Those are two questions you're asking.
OK, so here's how you make sure you look best on a video call.
Face the light.
You see how the light's in front of me?
This is the light behind me.
See how it doesn't look as good?
Behind me, in front of me.
I mean, oh, look.
Oh, the picture.
See?
Oh, I'm getting, watch.
Go take your computer and go walk around.
Y'all look at this.
Sunlight.
Look how good I look with sunlight.
You can't see any of my wrinkles.
OK, so that's how you look good on camera.
You face the light.
You put a little makeup on.
And oh, here's the other thing.
Put the camera up.
So right now, the camera's level to me.
So I would stack my books so that I'm not doing that.
See, when it's down, you're looking at my nose.
Don't want to do that.
So you want to make sure you position it.
And then I usually sit right here.
I usually close that door behind me,
and I sit where I have this nice, pretty picture behind me.
So move your camera around, or your phone.
You can do this with your phone, too,
till you find the best lighting to make yourself look good.
Put on some cute earrings.
Put a little makeup on.
That's it, to zhuzh yourself up.
Because you guys, if you're not willing to get
on a video with a guy, and then, oh, move the camera back.
All right, move it back.
You're like, oh, I don't want him to see all my wrinkles.
Move the camera back.
See, now you can see a little bit more of me.
So no one said you need to be on your first video
date this close.
That's kind of creepy, right?
Like, right, Beth?
Even I look really creepy right now.
So don't do that.
All right, so what's your second question?
Where do I book it without giving up my number?
Zoom.
Zoom is the easiest way.
Zoom you can download for free.
You can do 40-minute calls, and that's the beauty.
Actually, I think the 40-minute is only
if there's four more people on it.
But it's perfect if it's the free 40-minute limit,
because that's the great excuse to get off the date.
Hey, I've only got the free version of Zoom,
so we're going to get kicked off in 40 minutes.
This way, if the date's going really crappy,
you've got a good excuse to hop off the phone.
You can download Zoom on your phone,
and you can download Zoom on your computer.
If he's too lazy to do that, he's not your guy.
That's just my attitude.
Google Meets is the same thing.
Anything else, Facebook Messenger, Skype, or WhatsApp
forces you to give out your phone number or email address.
And we don't want you to do that.
You don't have to do that with Zoom or Google Meets.
Well, I am a pro, because I've had
to do this for a very long time.
I also have to get on camera a lot for the work that I do.
So I've learned what makes me look good on camera
and what makes me not look good.
And you guys, I even bought one of those little lights
that you clip onto your computer.
So if you think the lighting in your home sucks,
you can go to Amazon and get for $25
the little ring of light right here.
Now, I don't always turn it on, because it
blinds my one good eye.
And so I don't use it.
So those are my video little tips there.
OK, anybody else have a final question?
We've got like four minutes left.
So I have room for one more question.
If somebody has it, this was so fun.
Y'all.
I hope you come back tonight.
You think I'm snarky.
Jackie's even snarkier than me, which is kind of actually true.
It is true.
I always say, cause I was trying to tell my boyfriend, cause he's like, he's
starting to follow Jackie on Instagram just to see what she's up because
he hears about her all the time.
He's like, I want to see what this chick is like.
What kind of advice is she giving my girlfriend?
Um, but I always say to folks, I'm, I may not be as nice as Bethany and I
may not be as snarky as Jackie.
I'm somewhere in the middle.
I'm snarky, nice, but not quite.
Did you have a final question, Beth?
Well, I was just going to say when I, when I first watched things, I was like,
okay, Bethany is the kinder, gentler version.
Jackie is the visionary.
So she says it exactly how it is.
So maybe you're in the middle.
That's good.
Um, I just had a quick question.
I had someone trying to set me up and then, you know, when they got back
with me, they were like, well, he's having surgery and then we're going out of town.
And anyway, it ended up, it was going to be like five weeks till we could meet.
And I, and I could see that I immediately went to like, well, maybe
he's not really interested and she's like, no, no, no.
And so I'm thinking, okay, I processed it later.
And I was like, okay, that's a rejection thing, a fear of rejection.
I'll reject them before they reject me.
So would you just say like, if someone's willing to set you up, just go for it,
no matter, I mean, assuming there's a hundred percent of the time.
If I have a friend that I trust, I a hundred percent of the time said yes.
Now I had one girlfriend.
She promised to set me.
She tried to set me up with, I don't know, a half a dozen guys.
Those guys never called me, but she goes, didn't he ever call you?
I'm like, no, that's okay.
I'm like, don't worry about it.
Keep trying.
You're just not going to wait for him, but you're going to give him
some grace in the background, but you're not going to wait.
Oh, if you guys, if you have a friend like, well, how short is he?
How tall is he?
How much does he love Jesus?
No.
If you have a girlfriend willing to introduce you to somebody, they are
making an attempt, go out with that person.
And depending on how much they get it right or wrong, then you
can give your friend feedback.
Then you can say like, Hey, you know what?
Thank you so much for setting me up with that person.
It was really nice to get to know them.
Here's where I think it worked.
And here's where I think it didn't work because now you're giving
them a frame of reference for what they should be looking out for.
But if you start asking your married friend, well, how much money
does he make and how tall is he?
Then they're going to just think you're being a pain in the butt.
And they're not going to want to introduce you to their next friend.
So you have to show that you're going to make it easy on them.
So you say, yes.
Um, um, um, what if my children are home?
Should I go my car for a video date?
Can you go in your bedroom and close the door?
Um, Rachel, where are you?
You can't go to the bedroom.
I know plenty of, I know plenty of parents.
So I have barn doors.
I have barn doors, no privacy.
Well, really?
Oh my gosh.
Then go in the dang car and just say like, oh my gosh, go to a
car or go to your coffee shop.
That's what I would do then.
Because you could put earbuds in.
So you with your bedroom door, you could put earbuds in and put some
music on and create white noise right by the door and believe it or not.
Where are you?
Put the white noise is right outside your door.
Cause I used to have to do this at the clinic.
I ran, our doors were just not soundproof at all.
So we would buy a little saw sound machines and plug them
in outside the bedroom door.
Well, my issue is not too much of them making noise.
My issue is more of me having privacy.
This is so new to me, you know, like, I know that's why, and you can just say,
Hey, mommy needs some adult conversation time with her girlfriends.
And just say, mom needs adult conversation time.
So when that thing is on, you don't turn it off.
And then you go in with earbuds into your bedroom.
So you're starting to set a boundary with your children that when you go in the
room and you can just say, you know what, I need mommy time, I'm going to have
quiet time with the Lord, quiet time with my girlfriends, I'm going to pick my
nails, but when that sound machine is on and the door is closed, y'all don't
come in unless someone is dying.
And so Rachel, that might be good for you to start exercising
that a few nights a week.
Even if all you do is read a magazine or read a book or go in your
tub or whatever you want to do, you need to start to teach your kids
that your bedroom is private space.
Well, here's the, the only other issue.
My daughter shares the bat, my bathroom with me.
She does not use the boys' bathroom.
I have two boys and I have a daughter.
I understand, but you can tell her for 30 minutes or an hour.
You can just say, baby, I know you and I normally share this bathroom, but for
the next 30 minutes, go in it now, if you need it now.
Okay.
Go now again, because you need a teacher.
She doesn't have.
Art Blanche access to your bedroom,
just because you guys are sharing a bathroom.
So Rachel, this might be some tools
that you need to start doing to educate your kids
before the boyfriend comes on the scene.
Like God's gonna use this exercise
to teach you to start to put boundaries,
because you wanna set those boundaries now
so your boyfriend doesn't get the fall for the boundaries.
Like, I have a friend whose boyfriend has kids
and he has no boundaries with the kids,
but now that she's trying to set up boundaries,
she's looking like the bad guy.
And so better you set up the boundaries now
without a person, let's see.
Okay, I'm 58 and I'm high 70, but active.
Doesn't look like we have video chats
and he's already said, I love you.
If you've only had three video dates,
it's a yellow landing on red flag.
And just, I would just say, hey, you know what?
I think it's really important that we don't talk
about love on video dates before we've met in person.
So if you still really, really like them
and you wanna meet them in person,
go ahead and meet them in person.
Otherwise it might be love bombing, it might be anxious.
It's either love bombing, anxious attachment at play here.
But if you really, really like them, move it to a live date.
If you don't, nip it in the bud.
And 12 is a bit of a age gap there, okay.
Aw, got a very nice compliment, that's good.
All right, he has been separated 19 years.
Yeah, yeah, older people, you guys.
And then there's secure attachment.
And secure attachment is secure quickly.
But three video dates is not enough time.
Well, you said several, but video dates,
just make sure you start meeting live.
I'm just gonna say, switch to meeting live.
Okay, my battery is about to die on my computer.
So don't prepare for this.
All right, so I'm gonna close this out and pray real quick.
It's a few minutes after the top of the hour.
And come back tonight if you have time.
Father God, we thank you so much for each woman
that is here live, those that are watching this in replay.
Father God, I ask for a hedge of protection
over their story and over their life.
Father God, I ask for financial blessing.
I ask for peace.
I ask for godly wisdom and friendship in their life.
I ask for a pacing that works for them.
And Father God, whatever dream,
like I just feel like there are people on this call
that have a dream inside of them
that they have not been willing to jump into.
And they've kept saying,
well, when I meet my guy, I'll do this dream.
No, you guys, I wanted to publish my book
and start seminary when I met the guy.
And I'm so glad I started both things first.
And so I just encourage you,
whatever God's put in your heart,
he wants you to get going.
And maybe that's where your guy is.
So Father God, be with each and every single person here
in Jesus name, amen.
Don't know why I needed to say that, but I did.