Father God, thank you so much for being with us women tonight.
Bless our time together.
May it be a time of renewal, refreshment, encouragement, and inspiration.
In Jesus name, amen.
Okay, ladies, welcome.
I am Renee Rizzo.
I love to help out in phase two, Love Story Accelerator.
If you can't show your camera, you may not be able to tell me, is there anybody here
for the first time, that this is your first time?
All right, Angelica, it's your first time, I love it.
Okay, Tanya, awesome.
I love it.
So, if you've not, so this is your first time,
there are five videos, I think, that you will be watching.
And so, we encourage you, because they're one hour long videos,
we don't feel like you need to watch them all in one sitting.
We give you a whole week to watch them.
Some of you vomit all five of them all at the same time, and
then you watch them again.
But your intention is to be here in phase two for about a month,
so that you can get a lot of this individualized group coaching,
while you come out of heart work and back into the dating pool.
But doing it, hopefully, really different.
Love Story Accelerator is really the pitch where Jackie's like, all right,
it's time to get back out there, and she kind of gives you a dating challenge.
It's seven dates, there's no magic date on that.
She used to give timelines, but y'all are coming in at different times.
It's hard to do that.
She encourages you to try to eat healthy food, whole foods,
start drinking more water, start movement.
So, all that fun stuff in Love Story Accelerator.
I'm really just starting to learn how to come out of hiding.
The next video that you will get is called Dating 101.
We date really differently here.
And it is not at all the way some of us used to date in the past.
Some of us in the past used to date one person at a time,
and get all excited about that guy, and get all hot and heavy,
and then have it go floom and flame out.
And so what we do here is we encourage five different levels.
We talk about level one, being in community.
Level two, being just getting to know you, discovery dating.
Level three is when you guys decide to go exclusive, and you add the romance.
And then, of course, level four is engagement.
Level five is marriage.
She goes over all of that in the Dating 101 class.
And then she does a great Divine Feminine.
And it is not hippy-dippy-woo-woo Divine Feminine,
but really what did God mean for man and women, starting at the garden.
And just the overcorrection we've made since the garden,
in one direction and back in the other.
And just really how that compares to what God wants for us being feminine.
She also talks about the traits of being the Divine Masculine.
So when we're going out there dating,
the encouragement is that you look for men who have the three Ms.
They are marriage-minded, they're mature, and they're masculine.
Most of us are not young anymore, and we don't want to waste our time
on little Peter Pan boys that are just looking to date around,
but they have no intention of actually ever settling down.
So it's important that we look for that.
So that's in the Divine Feminine session.
Then, of course, I teach the last two videos.
One is online dating.
And you guys, I actually just went to the men's class last night,
and I taught the men about online dating, and it was so much fun.
I gave them lots of advice of how to treat you ladies, what not to do.
I told them, for the love of God, no more pictures in the bathroom or their car.
Put some clothes on, get a friend to do it,
and please not make it look like a mugshot, like, smile, for goodness sake.
And so it was fun.
They were like, oh, my gosh, I didn't know.
Oh, my gosh, I didn't know.
And so it just goes to show you how much the guys just don't get the help that they need.
And then the last video is boundaries.
And, you know, boundaries, I teach advanced boundaries in Path 3,
and it's my favorite thing to get to do is I've been talking about the topic of boundaries for 20 years,
and I think it helps in all of our relationships.
I will say about online dating, even if you have zero desire to do online dating,
there's some really great nuggets in there,
how to go from talking to a guy, texting, to a video date, to a live date,
and how to get that next date.
So even if you don't want to ever do online dating, it's still a great video to watch.
So if you're like, there's no way I'm ready to start dating,
you can watch all of those videos at your own pace and then start dating.
So it's you date as fast or as often as you want to here.
I do want to one of the housekeeping items.
do want to say is, um, you know, just remember that everybody's coming into
phase two at different places.
Some of it is because we do have people sign up in clumps, but some people just
get started and they move it along faster.
And some people life happens and they were going at a much slower pace.
So like, don't get FOMO, don't worry about it.
So you might be in a group and you might be hearing questions tonight and you're
like, Oh my gosh, where's she getting those questions from?
Well, she might be in this, she might've been in phase two for like a month.
So the best part is the reason why I keep everybody together, Jackie and I both
tend to keep you guys together in the group coaching.
I feel like there's so much you can learn just from hearing other people ask the
questions and then hearing the coaches answers.
Um, I love the intimacy that happens in, in phase, in, in phase one with the
heart work, but I kind of feel like once you get here for dating, we're here to
cheer each other on and make sure we're helping each other out.
And sometimes when you're listening to someone else's story, I don't know about
y'all, but like sometimes you can con the therapist, right?
Like you can say what the therapist wants to hear, but when you're like in a 12
step or group counseling meeting, you can't con the con artists in the room,
right?
They, they see right through you and all of a sudden you, you know, you don't
think your behavior is that bad until you see it on somebody else.
And you're kind of like, wow, is that what that looks like?
I might need to check that a little bit.
So sometimes you will see yourself in other people and you can see where the
blind spots are because there's, they're your blind spots and you're like, oh my
gosh, that's what that looks like.
And it'll really help you.
So that's what I love about this community and this kind of coaching.
You kind of put into it what you get.
So if you are just coming into the program, the way you stay involved is you
either come to the one o'clock or the eight o'clock it's eight o'clock on the
east coast.
I'm live checking right here, watch it in replay, but feel free in the,
every Sunday we're going to put a roll call question up.
Feel free.
Please, please, please tell us how you're doing.
Don't stay in hiding.
Tell us how you're doing.
And then if you watch one of the videos and you have questions, aha moments,
share it in the newsfeed.
If you have concerns or doubts or questions, put it in the newsfeed.
We'll respond to it.
A lot of you will put your dating profile, the photos you want to choose the bio.
And if you're willing, we'll shred it and tell you which ones to keep and which
ones to change out and all that and how you can just put your best foot forward.
So whether you are watching this in replay or you're watching this live, you can
stay as engaged as you want.
And so I hope you want to, cause it's going to help you so much.
Um, okay.
Bethany likes us to remind you, um, if you did not get a chance to listen to
supernatural Saturday, you guys, those are always so good to listen to.
If you can't make them live, you know, Jackie's not even on camera.
Most people are not even on camera.
And so she's just kind of imparting wisdom.
So if I can't like really listen to it focused at that time, I listened to it
sometime later when I'm at the gym or at the, in the car.
And I really like let the Lord kind of download what he wants.
And, um, so the three things that stuck out for me now wrote this today.
So I may have like remembered very little of it, but it really gave me a lot of
peace.
Um, but the first thing I remember is that Jackie was kind of remind us of having
heaven's perspective in the day to day.
It's like, you know, we get so caught in the, in the forest here and what's going
on right here.
We just need to have the big picture.
God's heaven, God is bigger than anything that we're going through.
And so he can, there's nothing he can't orchestrate, fix, redeem and restore.
And just having that perspective.
The second thing that stood out for me is, you know, she was kind of using this
cute little story about Marilyn Markle.
I mean, um, Megan Markle before she, you know, married the prince before suits,
she was a suitcase girl on no deal or deal or no deal, which I used to watch that
show.
I don't remember her being suitcase number 24.
And just this idea that had she not taken that piddly little job over here, it
wouldn't have led to the next thing that led to suits that led to her being at a
party where she actually met Prince Harry.
And so it's just this idea that you might hate the idea of online dating.
You might hate the idea of like dressing in a skirt and trying to be more flirty
and like letting men open the door.
You're like, what does this have to do with me finding my guy?
We don't know, but we have to trust that all these little activations, all these
little stepping stones might lead you on a path that you never would have taken
otherwise.
And that's where your guy is.
So that jumped out at me.
And then, um, the last one was being ready for the suddenly you guys, it's like if
hot dude showed up at my doorstep right now, I'd be really disappointed that he's
seeing rain head.
I'm just saying, but you know, we had this idea,
we always kind of have to be ready.
So whenever you're like physically ready,
always make sure you look pretty darn good.
Whenever you go out, you never know when the guy,
you might bump into him, right?
Like you might have a total meet cue.
And so you want to make sure you look your best,
you feel your best.
If you're not feeling good,
make sure you're taking care of your mental wellbeing.
If your finances aren't in order, if your house is a trash,
if your car's a trash, like start paying attention
to everything around you and getting ready.
Because God may bless you suddenly with anything,
not just the guy, but he might bless you suddenly.
And the question is, will you be ready
if God wants to bless you suddenly?
Okay, so the other way the format is,
is we usually spend the first 20 to 30 minutes
kind of going over topics besides what I just did.
We look at your roll call and we look at the questions
and we're kind of going, what are the common questions?
What are the common things coming up?
So we call them housekeeping items or we call them topics.
And so I'm going to cover those
for the next 10 or 15 minutes.
And then I really open the floor for y'all to ask questions.
A lot of folks have graduated from phase two
onto phase three.
We were having so much fun, they didn't want to leave.
So I had to push them out
and go join the fun community in phase three,
which is so much fun, but it can be intimidating at first
because there's like 800 women in there.
And so it's like, ah, it feels like a lot.
And everything there is live.
Like right now in phase one and phase two,
you guys are watching recordings
and then we have these weekly check-ins
and phase three, everything is live.
And so that's when you really need to make sure
you look good when you show up
because you want to make sure you never know
the guy that might be there.
Okay, Dan, I'm glad it's your first time too.
Oh, bless.
Okay.
Yeah, okay.
You guys, if you're having a hard time getting Zoom to work,
YouTube a video, like go to YouTube
and they have like little training videos on it.
And I try to warn people who do a date,
like, hey, like download Zoom on the app
and say, do you have a friend to walk them through it
or take screenshots and really dumb it down for them
or tell them to go to YouTube and watch how to do it.
I always try to make sure people practice
how to get online before the actual date.
Cause there's nothing like rushing, you know, like,
oh my gosh, my date's at seven o'clock
and I'm just trying the Zoom link at 6.58.
No, you don't want to do that.
You want to make sure he has a way to do it.
And so think about what it was like
when you first got on Zoom the first time.
I'm actually shocked people still don't know how to use Zoom.
I thought after COVID, everybody learned how.
I mean, I was actually using Zoom before COVID.
I really wish I bought stock way back then.
I would have been so much wealthier,
but you know, there are some people
who don't have tech jobs and so they don't Zoom.
And so we have to help them out just a little bit.
Okay, so here are the topics I wanted to go through.
Actually, Karlyn noticed this one first
and I really liked this.
And she's just said, coming out of alignment
with old behaviors and past experiences.
It's really easy for you guys to look at online dating
and just go, oh, but you don't understand
all that I've been through.
Y'all, no one has been through more online dating than me.
I'm older than y'all probably.
And I was online dating
before anybody even knew online dating existed.
Like when people like whispered about it,
like, oh my God, I did online dating.
Like where you would lie,
like if you actually started dating the guy,
you would like, you both agree to lie.
Like, oh, we met at Starbucks.
Cause you kind of did,
cause that might be where the first date was, right?
Way before swiping.
And so, you know, I like to tell people that,
like Jackie, the fact that she had me
start teaching this class,
I started teaching this class September, 2021,
two and a half years ago,
because no one hated online dating more than me.
But I was like, all right,
she gave me this stupid seven day challenge.
I run a nonprofit with married people
and I help at community theater.
So gay men, married men,
those were the only men I was meeting.
So the only way I was going to meet that challenge
was to actually figure out this online dating thing.
And I'm so glad you guys, I did,
because I think I had 16 weeks in a row, right?
I had a different date.
There were two restaurants I was toggling
and the host staff were like,
oh, there she is again.
Oh, there she is again.
And you know what you guys,
I learned so much about what not to do, what to do.
And so I really want you to look at this season
of your dating with a clean slate.
I want you to just have a fresh attitude about it,
whether it's meeting people in the park,
meeting people at the gym, meeting guys at the church,
asking your friends to set you up,
however you want to start meeting men.
I just want you to have a fresh attitude about it.
Don't bring your old experiences to the story.
We all have.
have trauma drama, creeper, you know, stories, we get it.
But the truth is now, we are gonna trust and believe
that you are God defended.
And if you watch all of the dating videos,
we're gonna teach you how to date smart,
how to get past the texting,
how to get from a text to a video,
a video to a date and a date to a second date,
and how to sniff out all of the little creepy men
and all the scammers and the catfishers,
and you're not gonna care.
And you're also gonna learn to not care about the guy
who doesn't like talk to you
after talking to you a few times on the phone,
or he asks you out on a date
and you never hear from him again.
You're gonna just learn not to care about that stuff
because these men don't really know you.
So we're not gonna labor and sweat over this early stage
of men like kind of like sniffing around, maybe.
And so the phrase I heard, and I really love this,
he might like you.
You might meet a lot of guys who like you,
but maybe not enough.
They like you, but not enough.
Or they like you,
but then they just went out with some other girl
and they liked her a little bit more.
Like, that's okay.
Your guy, the guy that God wants you for,
is gonna love you the most,
and he's gonna wanna be with you the most.
And so you don't wanna be with the wishy-washy guys.
The other thing that we encourage you in this dating season
is to date outside your type.
I can't stress that more.
I would say 90% of the 800 marriages
that are happening in this program
are women who will say, he was not my type.
And that doesn't just mean she went for the ugly guy.
Like, so don't hear that and go like,
oh my gosh, it's cause she went for the fat guy,
the old guy, the ugly guy, the weirdo guy, the dweeby guy.
No, it just means that what she used to be attracted to
wasn't serving her well and wasn't healthy.
Yes, is it possible that the guy might not be
as what you think is good looking
or as charismatic as you want him to be,
but maybe that's okay.
Like you can help, any guy can get a haircut, y'all.
Like men can go get a makeover.
You can help their clothing, you can help their swagger,
and you can, you know, get them a haircut.
You can do a lot of things,
but what you can't change is character.
And so as you get older, you will learn
that the guy who can make you laugh,
the guy that has integrity, the guy that is consistent,
he can become attractive by the second or third date.
The other thing that Jackie tries to remind us too,
the reason why she'll say things like,
it's a yes until it's a no.
Give it at least three dates before you decide
you don't like him.
Because some of what we used to be attracted to
was our own health attracting their own health.
And so you used to say like, oh my gosh,
but we had so much chemistry.
And I'm here to tell you y'all,
like if you're new to me, you're gonna learn
I'm a straight shooter like Jackie.
If you're on your first date
and you wanna crawl across the table
and have sex with this guy,
that attraction you're feeling is not healthy attraction.
I promise you that's the flame out,
hurt you kind of attraction.
So does God want you to have happy, healthy, holy sex?
Yes, he does.
We think sex is a good thing.
We think sex is beautiful.
God is not, I used to say,
I used to run a pregnancy center.
I used to do the absence education.
And so sometimes when those teenagers didn't think
I knew what I was talking about,
they're like, you guys,
God is not surprised by the orgasm.
He created the orgasm.
He wants you to enjoy sex in the covenant of a marriage.
And so let's talk about why.
And let's talk about guarding your heart.
And so we want all of that for you.
All right, let's see, trust the process
and not focus too much on results.
You know, when you're in therapy or in a 12-step program,
they always say, trust the process, trust the process.
So if we're encouraging you to flirt,
talk to everybody you say hello to,
let men open the door for you.
When you're in the grocery store
and you can't quite reach something,
ask the dude next to you.
I don't care if he's married.
I don't care if he's old.
We're just trying to teach you to learn
how to do things different
and kind of put yourself out there.
And it's like, remember when the karate kid,
where Mr. Miyagi was having him like paint up, down,
up, down, and he was washing the cars, washing the cars.
And it made no sense till he realized
it was all these moves that he needed for karate.
That's like the same thing.
So whenever Jackie or any of the videos
gives you encouragement to try new things,
you don't need to know.
You just need to trust the process
that it really, really does work.
Again, because you're all coming in here at different times,
try not to have FOMO, try not to compare yourselves.
And you guys, I don't know why this side of heaven,
why some people in this program or in life
get married just like that and some people don't.
It don't have the answer for you.
But I know a God who can sit with you
in that disappointment.
And so, you know, there might be an area of your life
where some things come way easier for you
than the average person.
Like I'm a really good public speaker and I really don't.
I could be at church next Sunday and my pastor can say gosh, I'm feeling sick Renee
Will you go get up and give this sermon? I totally could wing it
Like I don't know what the heck I would say, but by the time I got up there
I would figure it out, but you know, and there are others here of my life
I just stink at like and I just like it takes a lot more work
And so that's this idea of dating God has blessed you
I don't know why some people get through some things easier and some things harder, but just really trust that God has got you
and
Practice being God defended. I saw this on the post
I forget which one of you did it but y'all are she's a member of a Facebook group
That's like are we dating the same guy?
So it kind of brought up this conversation
If you start stalking the guy that you're about to go on a date with on social media
You do a background check on him and you start like going. Oh my gosh
Is he dating other people is he dating other people?
Like you're gonna put yourself into the crazy place and it's gonna you know, have you ruined that first date now
Here's the thing you guys you might uncover some pretty crazy crap, but trust that God's gonna have that get revealed
Anyway, again, we want to see if you can start to learn how to have a good first date and learn that discernment for you
Like I would hope that if you're God defended now, you wouldn't need a Facebook site to tell you that he's a douchebag
I'm hoping that we're gonna teach you the right thing so that you're gonna pick that up
Junko see I mean, I'm just I'm a straight shooter here. I'm from the north
So we just we just shoot it straight. And so, you know, that's my hope. My hope is you don't need
Software to tell you he's a ding-dong
Like I'm hoping we give you the tools
So, you know how to date safe and you know how to date healthy and you're gonna weed him out
Anyway, now there is a time and a place for all that investigation and I get all that but I'm just saying
Don't look for him to
Jackie will say if you're looking for the narcissist you will find the narcissist if you are looking for the bad guy
You will find the bad guy and I think I used this example last week
But you know growing up in the north, you know
I had to learn how to drive in the snow in the ice and one of the things I learned from the Allstate guy
And for my dad is if the car is spinning out of control
The way that you get the car back on the road is you turn your gaze first
You look where the car is gonna go your hands follow
So if your action if your hands move first, you will over correct and that's when you see the fishtail
So I want you to look for the healthy guy
Marriage-minded masculine mature. I want you to not notice the ding-dongs. I want you to not notice the scammers
I would rather you guys never even bring them up in the news feel like oh my gosh
I dated like three scammers last week and I had this one gun
Yeah, I don't want to hear about those guys. I want to hear about the guys that caught your interest
I want to hear about the nice guy that maybe isn't your guy like, you know, like oh my gosh
I met the sweetest guy. He had a solid faith. He was so kind
You know what?
probably not my guy because he likes to hunt and fish and that's really not my thing and I
Recommended him to 1822 because he might be your guy. He's just not my guy
Like that's what I really want you to fill up
Like I'm not saying you're not gonna have moments where you want to share your frustration with us
I absolutely want you to do that
But I'm just saying if you focus all your attention on on what's not going right
Then that's the energy that you're gonna bring in the room
Um, I had a coaching a one-on-one coaching session with somebody and just in the phone call you guys
I could feel all her nervous energy like I could it it was stressing me out and I thought if you're bringing that
Kind of energy to a date that that could really stress him out
And so just and I'm guilty of it you guys I'm guilty of showing up with a lot of energy in the room
and so I've dated guys who are like gosh Renee you just came in with a lot of energy and I'm like
Well, and it just I just did I had a lot of frenzy in the room
So you really want to pay attention to that? Okay, let's see
Let's see. So don't investigate a socials. Don't ask too many probing questions early on. Okay, that's the thing you guys like
I know we all want Jesus guys like we all want people who've got like money in the bank
No debt, no crazy ex-wife healthy children, right? We want all the things
We're not gonna be able to find out all the things in the first phone call the first video date and the first date
We have to unpack this a little bit at a time and you're like, I don't know. I don't have time
I'm getting old too old for this crap. I've seen literally women in this page go. I'm not wasting my time
I'm asking him in the first phone call
If he's willing to be abstinent if he has money
Does he have any mommy or daddy issues and if he loves Jesus and speaks in tongues? I'm like, okay
How's that working for you? Because you've been doing that before you came into the program. How is that working for you?
Not working for you
So I want you to learn all that information pretty darn quickly too and they're really creative
ways to do that. When you ask me questions, I'll be happy to give you some ideas, but
we don't want to like fire those people. Not with questions and not with our own information.
Remember to practice coming out of hiding in your everyday life. You guys, I want you
to smile and make eye contact. Like I want you to make a goal. I'm going to make eye
contact with 10 people today, which means, guess what it means? It means when you're
in line at the grocery store, guess what you're not doing? This. Put the dang thing
away. Put it away. Put it away. So like when you're at the grocery store, when you're at
the gym, like, you know, I'm trying to be so friendly at the gym with like different
guys. I never know like, hmm, maybe he's like, I mean, now I'm not going to lie. I do look
to see if there's a ring, but you know, men, married men don't always wear wedding rings,
so you got to be really careful, but that doesn't mean you can't be friendly and kind.
You can always be friendly and kind. No one's ever going to get you in trouble for being
friendly and kind. Obviously, if he asked you out on a date, you may then want to make
sure he's in fact single or not dating somebody. My favorite question Jackie asks is, is there
anybody else who thinks they're in a relationship with you? Like when you ask somebody, oh,
do you have a girlfriend? Oh no, I have no girlfriends. Okay. Let me clarify that question.
Is there any girl that thinks she's dating you? And you'd be surprised at the truth that
comes out then. Okay. So we just want you to like practice getting out there. And if
you're in a season, it's about to be, it's spring and summer. So if you're like Renee,
I have a bad relationship with online dating. I'm just not going to do it. Here's what I'm
going to ask you guys to do. I'm going to ask you to get out there this summer. Then
I want you to go to the driving range. I want you to whack a bucket of balls. I want you
to go to the bowling alley. I want you to go to Bass Pro Shop. I want you to volunteer
at Habitat for Humanity. I want you to volunteer at the homeless shelter. I want you to, um,
go Google in your town, single meetup groups, single hiking groups, single, whatever you
think cooking class. Now that might get all the gay men. I mean, just, you know, I'm just
my, but that's true, right? Um, but try to think of things that guys would be doing.
Get a couple of girlfriends and go to a local sports bar during football season, during
predators, like hockey season. I don't know. What are the summer sports? Baseball, baseball,
go to a baseball game. I know women who have met their guy buying season tickets at to
Vanderbilt basketball because you're in the, you're seeing, you're seeing the same people
over and over again. So if there's a sport you enjoy, go buy season tickets to it. Find,
you know, find a way to like start meeting people around and you guys be friendly with
married people, especially happily married people. You don't want to get like the bitter
married people that are ones that are like going to you like, Oh my gosh, you're so lucky
you're single. Yeah. We don't want any of their advice because we don't want their marriage
and we don't want them setting us up with anybody. But if you've got friends who have
really healthy marriages, you need to keep reminding them to be on the lookout for you.
Like when they're like, Oh, I don't know anybody for you. Like really? Okay. So you've met
no new people in the last five years that we've been friends. Really? You've met no
new people. I don't believe that. So you have to kind of remind your married friends to
be on the hunt for you. And you can say, look, I'm a big girl now. You don't have to do anything
more than say to this guy like, Oh my gosh, you seem like a great guy. I would love to
give you my girlfriend's phone number. You guys can text, go out for coffee. You can
find her on Facebook. If you don't want to do anything about it, no big deal. If you
guys like don't hit it off, no big deal. Like that's all I'm going to tell you about her.
I'm sorry. I'm now I'm hot. Like I was freezing and now I'm hot and I'm done with menopause.
So it's not a hot flash. I'm just, it's just hot. Okay. So that's what I want you to do.
I want you to get out there and when you come on this weekly check-in, I want you to tell
me what you're doing. I want you to tell your sisters, cause if you found a fun, cool thing
in your community to do, maybe it exists in my community and I will go out and do it.
Okay. So that's what I've got for you. It is the bottom of the hour, just like I promised.
So it's my time to shut up because when people ask questions, I give more advice all throughout
it. Um, there is a good number of folks on the call. So usually you, when you have a
question, you kind of have to catch us up on this scenario just a little bit. If don't
be offended if I tell you to land the plane. So if you're just going on and on and on,
and I have no idea what the question is, I might say, okay, reel it in, get us to the
question so I can help you out. So there's usually one brave person in the seat of courage
who will go first and then it's like the floodgates. And usually unless it's insane, um, I'm committing
the next hour to you. I will stay on as long as you need to. If you need to get off the
phone, you're exhausted, go come back and watch the rest of it and replay.
I like to give everybody a chance to ask their questions.
So who is the brave soul that's gonna go first?
And it could be a question that came up
during the video that you watched.
It doesn't have to be a dating question.
So it can be about the dating,
it could be about your profile,
it could be about one of the videos,
or if you have no questions,
it's gonna be a really short and boring night
and you can ask, but ask me anything.
Renee, what are great dating questions?
Or how do you ask a guy this?
Like, I've become the expert
finding out about people's faith journey
and finding out about the relationship with their children.
So feel free to ask me anything.
Or tell me how you're feeling about this process
now that you're in phase two.
If you're feeling discouraged, encouraged, scared,
maybe I can help you through that.
I don't think, I don't see the right answer, maybe.
Tasha, you going first?
All right, girl, you go first.
I'm sorry, I'm kind of dark here.
It's okay, you're dark and scary looking.
But do me a favor though, if you have a video date,
whatever lighting you got going on, don't do this.
Yeah, I have where I got the light
in front of me over by my desk.
But so I, and I have my blue light glasses on in the evening
so the light doesn't keep my brain up
because I have to go to bed.
But I was wondering about the comment
I put earlier on Facebook.
You know, I had the safety issue with the guy.
Oh my gosh, was that you?
That was me, yeah.
It mortified me.
And so just to give everybody an overview,
I was on a dating, Facebook dating app
a couple of years back.
And I had been doing a lot of hard work
and I thought, you know, I was okay.
And we had chatted briefly, he and I,
just only a couple of days, it was very brief.
I really didn't even get into too many details.
And I date all races, I mean,
so I'm not, I'm pretty open, you know.
And it was interesting because when we,
I asked about a video date, so he agreed.
We set it up on a Sunday.
And I wanna say it was just small talk.
You know, I had my iPad, I was sitting on the floor
and I had my iPad on the couch.
And I was, I remember, first of all,
he was like probably about 70 pounds larger
than the pictures I had seen,
which made me kind of feel disappointed
when I first got online.
But me being polite and modest,
I just, you know, I chatted with him.
And we were talking about casual stuff,
like what do you like doing?
And I told him, I said, well, I'm, you know,
I'm a fitness instructor.
I've been one for years, yada, yada, yada.
And then what church you go to?
Oh, I'm, he said, oh, I'm Catholic Christian.
I'm like, okay, so you know how you turn your head
a little bit?
And I turned back around and he had everything out
and he was.
So he was taking care of business.
Now you guys, just so you know,
I don't want you to run away from Facebook dating
because Bethany met her pastor husband on Facebook dating.
And we have a lot, a lot, a lot of success stories
from Facebook dating.
So I'm sad for you.
How quickly did you hang up?
Very quickly.
It's immediately, it's, it's more, I look,
when I turn around, I thought to myself,
you gotta be kidding me.
So I immediately hung up and my heart was racing.
He calls right back.
I'm like, you got to be kidding me.
So I blocked him and then I went and reported it
on Facebook.
And, you know, I was on my, like my tablet,
my iPad phone or whatever, and, you know,
blocked him, it's no big deal.
But I didn't see that coming.
Cause he never brought up, we didn't even talk about that.
And so it was one of those things that came
out of left field and it just changed my view.
I said, I got to get off.
So, so I'm, A, I'm really sorry that happened to you.
I have probably been on a hundred video dates
and that has just never happened to me.
And so I'm so sorry.
So let's talk about how we could try
to potentially weed those kinds of guys out.
So I'm a big fan of not dating for more than a,
I mean, not dating, not texting longer than a week.
Okay.
Or I agree to a video date.
So that's my thing.
I want to try to find out some of the basic information.
Like it might be like, and I will usually help lead that.
So if a guy's like, hey, hey, hey, well,
and they don't know what to ask, I just make shit happen.
Like I just started happening because I got,
I don't have time to waste here.
So I'm just like, all right,
well tell me a little bit about yourself.
I'll go first.
So then I, if I go first, I guide what I'm looking for.
And so I'll just say, you know,
like I might say something like,
oh, I'm from Connecticut.
That's where I grew up.
And I spent some time in California.
I come from a big Italian family.
I used to work in corporate America.
Then I was in full-time ministry.
And then I ran a nonprofit and I do consulting now.
So very basic.
I love to, and then.
So he'll tell me a little bit about himself.
And then I say, you know, well, tell me about,
this is the question I ask.
Tell me about the things that you enjoy
and that are important to you
that are taking up your time these days.
What do you enjoy and what's important to you
that takes up your time?
I'll go first.
Right now I'm really into fitness and eating healthy
at least 80% of the time.
So I love to do outdoor activities.
I'm very involved in my church.
I'm on the prayer team there.
I love to volunteer in my community.
I love college sports and I love live theater.
So they find out really fast about my faith.
So I say, how about you?
And I hear what they say.
And if they don't mention like faith anywhere,
I make note of that.
So that's gonna, that would make me,
so the faith part and what else is important to them,
I'm paying attention to.
I wanna decide if this guy's even worthy
of a video date for me.
And then I might ask some questions like, you know,
well, would you mind sharing?
So you know how sometimes people are asking,
how long have you been on here?
How's it going?
And that's like, I told the guys,
please don't ask that question.
It's just a creeper question.
But here's how you can ask that question
a little bit more subtly.
So tell me, where are you in your dating season
of your life?
You know, are you just getting back out there?
You know, are, you know, like you just got divorced?
Like, are you just trying to make friends?
Like, you know, like what's,
what are you looking for in this?
You know, well, I'm looking to date,
or I'm looking to this.
And so you start to get a gauge
for where they are in their dating season
and kind of what they're looking for.
And then I also might ask a question like,
well, so tell me what's on your bucket list.
Like, what are some goals that you wanna get accomplished
in the next 18 months?
I keep it 18 months or less,
because I wanna know what are the things
that they're pursuing?
Putting their, it's back to that,
where are they putting their time and energy in?
And so nine out of 10 times,
depending on how they answer those questions,
I can decide if I'm in or out,
even before the video.
Okay, so this is all on text.
This is all on text.
It's all still in text.
And I can find out this information
in about three or four text exchanges.
Okay.
So, you know, because I call this information,
I don't care if the whole world knows.
I call texting information,
the information the whole world can know.
Now, if you noticed, I did not ask,
how often do you go to church?
Do you believe in Jesus?
Do you speak in tongues?
Have you been saved?
Have you been water baptized?
How do you feel about sex before marriage?
I didn't ask any of that stuff yet,
but I've gotten enough broad information about them
that I should feel somewhat safe
to be on a video call with them.
The other thing is I try to make that video call
seem like it's a date and not just a call.
You guys, that's why I personally don't like
going next to a Google voice number.
A lot of people are like, oh, I got a Google voice number,
so I have to give my phone number.
Okay, but he's still gonna text you.
He's gonna call you whenever he wants.
And that doesn't treat it like a date.
That's why I will force his butt to learn how to use Zoom.
Don't care, don't care if it's a pain.
Learn how to use Zoom,
because then I'll say like,
oh, when can we schedule a date
and a chance like a video date?
I literally use the words,
when can we schedule a video date
so we can both be ready for it?
Well, how about right now?
I'm not ready right now.
I wanna make sure I look nice for you.
I wanna make sure you have a chance to look nice for me.
So I set the tone that this is gonna be a date.
Like we're gonna, you know, like,
hey, don't worry about it.
Let's just book 30 minutes to an hour the first time.
This way it's no pressure on each other.
And I make sure when I have the date,
you guys, I'm sitting right here.
This is my kitchen table.
I have a pretty picture behind me.
I'm not sitting on the couch.
I'm not sitting in my bedroom.
I'm not sitting in any way
that looks like we're just like pillow talking, right?
And that's what happens when you have too many video dates.
It all of a sudden starts to turn into the pillow talk.
And that's what's gonna get you in trouble.
So now Tasha, everything I just said to you,
he still might've passed all of that
and still did what he did.
But I'm saying those kinds of questions,
it's gonna start, you're gonna weed out ding-dongs
that just wanna get laid.
Because I'm asking questions
that they're gonna have to come to the table
with some answers with.
They're not deep, but they're thoughtful.
They're not like, why did you get divorced?
Why don't you have kids?
They're not those questions,
but they are questions that are gonna make this guy think,
man, I gotta come to the table.
You did everything that you were supposed to do.
And I just pray that that image leaves your brain
at some point, and you're not left
with any of those memories and you block it out.
But I'm glad that you had,
this is why we all do video dates too.
This is why you do a video date,
because A, if I were you, the second,
here's also what you could have done.
The second he showed up on the video date,
70 pounds heavier than the pictures,
he already proved he was being inauthentic with you.
Right.
It's one thing to be like a few years older,
a few pounds heavier.
You guys, I had guys, like I had my pictures,
like I've lost my weight again,
but like I probably gained like 15 pounds
when I first started dating online from my photos.
And I'm not kidding.
There was a couple of guys that decided
I didn't look like those photos.
And they ended the video date within 10 minutes.
They were done.
And so if somebody looks like they were grossly
not authentic, that's not why you're gonna just say,
you have every reason to try to wheel off
that phone call in 10 minutes.
You do not need to, what you said, be nice.
No, like there's a little fudging
and then there's outright lying.
And as far as I'm concerned, outright lying,
you can be like, hey, oh my gosh, you know what?
My sister's calling me, I gotta go.
Yeah.
I mean, make some up, make some up.
But I'm gonna be praying for you.
I'm gonna be praying that God restores
and gives you the craziest, coolest first date
that's gonna redeem this.
Like I believe you're gonna get a kingdom man
who's gonna be so chivalrous and so kind.
He may not be your guy, but I believe he's gonna bring
kingdom and chivalrous man to erase that horrible thing
that you had to deal with.
My prayer, but I will say, listening to what,
I was jotting down notes of what you were saying,
the guy that I'm supposed to meet this weekend,
that was a kind of how our conversation has been going.
And like you say, I'm spending more time screening
versus jumping right on the video date.
So I've had time to kind of,
I've kind of gone through some of the things
you were saying with this one.
In this one, when he reached out, first of all,
he never even brought up anything about sex.
He was very polite.
He was very, you know, short and succinct.
And, you know, he grabbed my attention right away.
He mentioned that he was Christian and went to church.
So I didn't even have to.
So.
And that's the thing, you guys,
and you know what?
We get smarter about this.
So I don't want you to drag on
and have too many text conversation
and it's like three weeks later,
but I don't want you to jump into a video without screening.
Angelica, you're up.
Yeah.
Okay, so I just started,
phase two, but my question is this.
So I love that we have to go on these seven dates,
but my first question was, where do you find these men?
So, well, so basically everything I just suggested to you,
I want you to-
Here's my question though,
because you said Bass Pro Shop,
and I'll totally go walk,
but what am I going to do there?
Like just walk around?
But go try, like, do you have an uncle
or a brother or a cousin?
Yeah, I do.
I have all of those things.
Ask one of them that would ever shop at Bass Pro
and just say, hey, what's like a small item
you would pick up at Bass Pro?
Okay.
And then you could literally go say,
you know what, I'm going to go get that for you,
because I'm just going to go learn.
And it doesn't have to be Bass Pro.
It could be like, we have,
it could be a sporting goods store,
like a store that has camping gear.
Like it could be like Sports Authority, Sports Academy,
you know, we have a place called REI
and it has a lot of hiking stuff.
There's always dudes at like the Sports Authority,
Sports Academy, like a nice athletic guys too.
Do you just-
Home Depot?
Home Depot.
Go to Home Depot.
You just want to start to think.
And so all I want you to do Angelica
is just practice going places and talking to guys.
Consider, consider contacting your local golf,
your local golf range and ask if they,
if you don't have clubs, ask if they rent clubs
and just say, you know what, oh my gosh,
I would just love to shoot a bucket of balls,
but I don't have any clubs.
Do you guys rent the clubs to shoot at the driving range?
And you might even want to pay for one golfing lesson,
but you don't have to.
You can go to that driving range
and then you can just see if there's some nice guys.
Men love, especially men love to be good at stuff.
And you'll be like,
and so you can just try whacking that ball.
Watch a couple of YouTube videos
on how to whack a ball at the driving range.
Which, is it the four iron or the five?
I don't know, my clubs are right there.
I don't go up that often,
but I would go fake it at the driving range.
Just like start to do that.
Google local single meetups.
They might have a hike.
They might do picnics.
They might-
I'm in Miami.
We don't hike.
I'm just trying to give you a bunch of ideas.
Like whatever you like to do, you think wine tasting,
like whatever you think you might like.
We have this like little swanky new,
it's like part in the morning,
it's kind of a coffee shop.
In the afternoon, it's spirits.
It's actually a distillery, but they've learned
not everyone wants to go and just drink
in the middle of the day.
So now they're making all these fancy coffees.
It's very big in Europe, right?
They have liquor and coffee in the same place.
And so it's like the perfect venue.
I bring my laptop there and I work from there all the time
just so I can meet people.
The most random people.
You never know.
So if you can take your laptop or your book
and go to the public somewhere.
Great.
So I see your question.
Let me just fly through some of this before it gets on here.
Okay, got that.
You get nervous tips.
If you get really nervous, do you get nervous, Carrie?
Are you getting nervous in the texting,
the phone call, or the date?
I can't tell what stage.
Hi, I'm out of the doctor so I could talk.
I get nervous on the date.
The actual date, okay.
So you get nervous on the actual date.
Pick something fun to do.
Do not sit across from them at the coffee shop
or at dinner.
You'll just be too nervous.
Pick, you know.
Even that, like I did one date so far
and we went for a walk and I picked it
and it's somewhere I'm comfortable and I think it's fun.
But I wasn't as bad as I could be,
but I definitely was still nervous.
Okay, well, so that's a good start.
Pick candle making, pick a wine in the sip and wine thing
where you're doing something goofy.
Ask him to pick something that he likes to do
so he can show you how to do it.
You can say like, oh, I don't really know how to do that,
but that sounds like that could be really cool.
Pick an escape game.
And this is why, y'all who don't like to online date,
Keri is giving you the perfect reason why.
If you think you stink at dating,
you haven't dated in a long time,
I want you to be nice to every dweeby guy
who seems remotely like a sweet guy, but not your guy.
And you're gonna go out on dates with these guys.
So you practice your dating game so that you don't,
and you're like, well, that sounds like that's using a guy.
Well, I don't know, every once in a while,
you might have a great time.
And there's a lot of guys, you guys,
that also need the practice.
They also need a win.
They need a girl to just say yes and have a date with them.
So you might be like making them feel like a million bucks
just going out with them and how you let them all down easy.
So remember when you're dating,
Jackie always says, drop the hanky, be really clear.
At the end of the day, if you wanna see them again,
you say, Rick, I really enjoyed meeting you.
I would love to see you again if you're interested in that.
If not, no big deal.
It was just really nice getting to meet you tonight.
Bam, now Rick knows I wanna see him again.
I'm not wishy-washy about it.
I'm not going, oh my gosh, maybe he doesn't know I like,
and here's the thing, you guys, I told you,
I just did the training last night for the guys.
They all said half the time they don't know
if the girl wants to see him again.
So you gotta tell them.
They're a little naive.
They think we're, they're just like,
we're all so friendly and polite, they can't tell.
And you know what, it's a hard world for guys to be
right now with the Me Too movement, the patriarchy stuff,
there's a lot of men that are just afraid to do anything.
So we kind of have to let them know that the door is open.
If you don't wanna see them again,
it's a definite hell no, you don't wanna see them again.
You just say, hey, Tom, it was so great meeting you.
I had a really wonderful time getting to know you.
I really wish you the best in this dating journey.
And then you beeline for their door.
And if they say, well, do you think
you might wanna go out again?
You can just say, you know what?
I really enjoyed myself tonight.
I'm not sure I wanna pursue this further,
but thank you so much for taking me out.
It was such a joy to get to know you.
Does that sting?
Yes, but remember, we wanna only hurt, not cause harm.
And so I would rather you guys be honest and upfront.
Now, of course, Jackie would say,
if there was anything redeeming about that date,
give him a second chance.
She's a big fan of give a guy a second chance
if he's a good guy.
Now, if A, he was a jerk, narcissist, inappropriate,
or it was like watching paint dry
and you could not wait for the day to end
and there's no way you could survive a second date,
then of course, don't go on the second date.
If you thought he was nice, kind,
but you just weren't quote-unquote attracted to him,
she will encourage you to go out for that second time.
So that's how you gotta do it, Keri.
Just start going out on a bunch of dates,
practice, practice, practice, and keep doing what you did.
Now you still walked, so that wasn't quite an activity.
So I don't know if you have putt-putt,
if you've got bowling.
You guys, I'm a terrible bowler, but I love to bowl.
That's a great first date,
because I wanna see how competitive,
now I'm pretty competitive too,
but I wanna see what he's gonna be like.
So I might say, hey, let's go bowling,
or let's go to the park and throw a Frisbee around.
Pick something, get those little badminton doohickeys.
Try to pick an activity that you can do
so you're not just always talking.
So hopefully that will help.
Okay, I'm like, my eyes are so bad tonight.
Is it, oh my gosh, I forgot how to pronounce your name.
Tell me again.
You're the only one with your hand raised.
Is it Ghaseen?
No, I can't.
Remind me how to pronounce your name, girl.
Yep, come out.
It's Ghaseen.
Ghaseen?
Mm-hmm.
There's an L in there.
Oh my gosh, my vision's really bad tonight, Ghaseen.
Okay.
All right, Ghaseen, I'm writing this down
so I remember this for next time.
I just wrote it down phonetically so I don't forget.
Okay, you are up, beautiful.
Hi, ladies.
Good night, good afternoon, good evening.
I'm a little confused.
Well, if you're in Australia,
it might be good day or good morning, so we don't know.
So a lot has happened this week.
First of all, let's just start with this.
How do I refer a guy to this program?
Awesome, okay, so go to the JackieDorman.com website,
www.jackiedorman.com,
and there's a button for the men's challenge
and a button for the women's challenge.
Tell them to click on the men's challenge.
It's gonna get us their email,
but then it's gonna send them to the men's free page first,
just like y'all started with the free page.
Okay, perfect.
Yeah.
And then the other thing is,
so the guy that I've been dating for the past,
I guess six weeks, asked me to be exclusive.
Okay.
Yeah.
Are you happy about this?
Are we happy?
I have mixed feelings about it.
Okay, and how often have you guys been seeing each other?
We see each other every week.
Okay, how often do you talk, every day?
Every day.
Okay, so what's your hesitation?
So my hesitation is something so,
okay, I'm gonna share with you guys.
Yeah, yeah, just say it.
Rip it off.
He doesn't make enough money.
It's okay.
And I know Jackie's just like,
okay, don't worry about that,
it's not a big deal.
No, you know what?
I'll tell you what,
I'm 55 and a guy not making enough money
is really different than when she met David at 35.
I'm just gonna say.
So I don't know, how old are you?
I'm 38.
Okay, so you're still young.
So is your guy in your age bracket?
He's a little older.
Okay, so he's a little older.
Is it because he's in the less corporate career?
Like, did he switch careers?
And like, how is it,
like, what's the reason why?
Or are you just like a badass
and you make a lot of money?
You're probably a badass and you make a lot of money.
Okay.
I do.
You do.
So, okay, so that's a beautiful thing.
Okay, you know what, you guys?
I worked at a church in Connecticut
that had like the wealthiest people in the country.
My favorite couple in the world.
She was like total corporate chick.
He used to own his own,
he was like a general contractor, something like that.
He used to make a ton of money,
but then the market tanked
and it was like general contractors,
they just couldn't, they just plummeted.
And so then they started having all the kids
and they realized it was better economically for them,
especially with the downturn in the market,
for him to be a stay-at-home dad
while she did the big vice president gig.
And I'll tell you what, they had like the coolest marriage.
And so I'm not saying your guy should be lazy,
but I'm just saying we have this sense
that we think the men are supposed to make more money.
So part of the problem is you make buko money.
So it's not like, so does he make decent money
and does he love his job?
He does not love his job.
He doesn't make decent money.
And I don't make a whole lot of money,
but I make enough to-
Yeah, that it matters to, okay.
So is he looking to, because,
so you, but you did mention that he doesn't like his job.
So what he also might not be attracted to
isn't just that he's not making enough money,
but you wish he had a little more ambition,
like, okay, so you're not happy
or not making that much money,
then go get a different job.
Ah, like chop, chop, like, so what you might be a little more worried about is his lack
of ambition.
Right.
And so, and that's something that you can talk to him about, like, you know, I, I realize
what's his name.
His name is Michael.
Okay.
So you could be like, Hey, Michael, you know what I realized?
I realized I'm a pretty ambitious, successful person.
And one of the things that Jackie talks about, I'm sorry, I guess I have to plug back in
and I'm like losing power here.
Um, one of the things that, you know, Jackie said that was really important to us, our
dating coach is that we find somebody who's kind of matching with us on the direction
that we're going in in life.
And so I never want you to feel like I'm charging ahead in life and accomplishing goals and
you're not like on board with them.
So could you tell me, you know, would you be willing to tell me a little, I'm curious,
would you be willing to share a little bit more about, do you have any other career goals
or there, is it, is there a new industry you want to get into?
Do you want to go back to school?
Like you're still too young to stay miserable in your job.
Like what, what do you see you wanting to do to boost your career forward in the next
three to five years so that you can have joy?
Yeah.
Could you have that?
We kind of did.
And I wish I did the, I wish I had the conversation differently.
So he asked me if I had any reservations about, you know, being with him exclusively.
And I told him, you know, I'm not really sure what it is that you do.
And I'm not sure if you can, you know, if you're ready to take care of me financially
in the way that I would want to be taken care of.
And we're both, you know, we're talking about family and stuff.
And I'm just like, I don't like, do you think you would make enough to take care of a family
right now?
And he said, no.
But then he told me exactly how much he made.
My mind was like blown.
I'm like, oh, okay.
Okay.
So you made it kind of all about money, right?
And that's okay.
You can circle back though.
So how did it end?
How did you end that conversation?
It ended with me asking him, like, you know, what does he want to do?
Like, does he have any plans to, you know, do anything else?
And he did mention that he would want it to go, he wanted to go back to school and maybe,
you know, get a few certificates at first and then maybe make his way into the medical
field, which I'm like, okay, great.
But you know, I don't feel comfortable moving forward if that's not already in motion.
Then I think you just need to tell him, and here's how you need to say it.
Like you got nothing to lose at this point, right?
Because you're either going to say, yes, I'd like to go into a level three relationship
with you, or I want to keep dating you.
And that might stop him from wanting to date you, right?
Like that might happen.
And so you can say, hey, you know, I've had time to reflect on what you asked me.
So I want to follow up and have that conversation.
I'm realizing it's not just about the money.
Can you provide, I want a partner who kind of has the same ambition I do, that wants
to be happy in their job.
And when, if they're not happy, they're going to take the steps to move forward.
What I need to make sure is that if I'm in a exclusive relationship, I'm not the one
driving the ambition in the relationship.
I need to know that you would like to take the lead on that, or at least match my energy.
Is that something you can take steps in today?
Or you can also say, I can't go exclusive with you until I see steps in that direction.
I'll be happy to keep dating you, but I never want to feel like you're doing it just for
me or you're promising it and it never happened.
So I need to see that.
You guys, I was dating somebody y'all know, for those who had been a while, you know,
I've been dating somebody serious for three months.
One of my deal breakers was, he had an issue with the IRS.
I'm just going to leave it at that.
And I just said, you need to do this and take care of it before I would ever remotely think
about getting engaged with you.
And he's like, you're being ridiculous.
I'm like, I don't care if I'm being ridiculous.
That's my deal breaker.
And so I was just really honest about that.
So you can be really honest.
You've now been six weeks, you said?
Yeah.
So, I mean, you're talking to each other six weeks and he's talking about being exclusive.
So I think you can revisit the conversation and just say, hey, I'm going to revisit this,
but I don't want your immediate reaction, your immediate answer.
I actually want you to think about it.
And I actually want you to come back to me and give me your thoughts.
And even if it's, I hated that you even asked me that, like, even if that's your answer,
I want you to feel comfortable and safe to tell me.
So that's what I would do.
I would bring the conversation back, say I had a chance to think about it.
and pray about it. I want to revisit that conversation because I think you thought
it was all about this, but I'm realizing it's kind of bigger. And so I feel like for me,
I would need to see that emotion already. Now, before you feel like you need to respond right
now, since I went home and thought about it, I want you to feel like you can go home and
think about it and then we can circle back. Okay.
And keep me posted on that. I will.
Um, let's see. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, good.
Okay. All right. Rachel, you're up.
So, my question is, I haven't had like an in-person date yet, but I just, I really,
because I have such an issue with, uh, specifically, um, with my knee, like I have a
knee that's bone on bone. So like, you know, I, there's not a lot that I can do. Um, even walking,
um, I'm a little limpy, you know? Um, so that is like, I'm, I'm, I'm in a, I'm like, Oh my God,
you know, am I even ready to date in person? Because I'm so self-conscious.
Yeah. Do you have a physical disability or are you injured?
Um, my, it's, it's bone on bone. Like I don't have,
Is this an injury that's going away or is this a permanent?
Well, I would have to, well, I'm, you know, trusting God for healing, but, um, I am,
I would need to do a knee replacement if, you know, in the, in the realistic world.
Yeah. Are you not, are you not doing the knee replacement because of money or insurance right
now? No. Um, I had a knee replacement on my left one and then I had to have a revision.
Okay. And that was a very hard recovery. Oh yeah. Um, and then, um, I had in January,
in January I stopped taking like all medications that I was taking. I've been pursuing a healthy
journey. Um, you know, all of that. Yeah. So let me tell you something. And there, I was,
I was asking very specific questions because my nephew has spina bifida and he's in a wheelchair.
My brother-in-law is a T T seven. He was in a spinal cord injury accident. And one of my best
friends is a T 12 and she was in a car accident, spinal cord injury. And all of them are married,
having great, happy, healthy, holy sexual lives. They all do wheelchair sports. And I have seen
people with autism, Asperger's. And in our community, we have two women who are self-proclaimed
Asperger's dating. Um, and so I guess what I want to tell you is do not let any physical
limitation you have stop you from thinking that you're not enough to go out and date.
Um, I've seen some incredible marriages. Have you not seen like that hot guy with like no arms and
legs who does all those speaking engagements? And he's got like that beautiful wife and children.
And you're thinking, Oh my gosh, how do they even have sex? Like, I'm just letting you know
that there are people out there that will get to know you. So you have to figure out Rachel,
what can I do to enjoy my life now? So I can feel like I'm having fun. So I don't feel like I'm in a
deficit when I go on a date. Um, like my, my family members in chairs, they go bowling,
they go hunting, they go fishing, they go skiing. There's adaptive, there's adaptive, um,
equipment for just about every sport you can think of. And so I would just, I'm not saying
you need a wheelchair, but I'm just, I'm trying to let you know that I want you to start dreaming
again of all the things that you love to do. And if you can't do surgery right now and you can't
move around, then I want you to think about what you can do and what you do enjoy. Maybe you want
to take a cooking class with a guy like, or you can be like, Hey, you know what? Can we go meet up
at a park where we can just have a picnic and we can bring a board games. Like I know guys that
love board games, card games, like you, you know, backgammon, um, there, you know, there's a lot you
can do without having to move around. Somebody just sent a link to somebody just in a lake.
Melissa, what are you sending a link to? Oh, is that Nick? Oh, thank you for doing that. That's
very sweet of you. Go check out Nick because he's very inspirational. Um, so I'm just, I, I just,
you guys, Jackie always talks about don't.
disqualify yourself.
You might think you're too short, too fat,
too old, too young, too many children.
You guys, one of my friends,
I've been begging to join this program.
She's got four kids, four kids, little.
You know the guy she's met that she's dating,
she met online?
She swore she would never do online dating.
Guess how many kids he has?
Four.
So they've already started doing activities together
with eight children, eight children.
And so you would think, oh my gosh,
there's no way a guy's gonna pick a girl with four kids.
So I'm just gonna encourage the stink out of you
to remember how loved and adored and valuable you are.
You are more than your need.
You are more, you guys don't know this,
but I got a bum eye.
I use one eye.
That's why when Ghislaine was like, I was looking,
I was literally looking out of this one good working eye.
The problem is because of allergy season,
there's so much protein deposit on my contact lenses.
I'm looking for the one spot on my lens
that doesn't even have the gunk all on my eye.
I don't let my eye problems stop me
from doing a lot of stuff, too.
I've had lots of surgeries.
There's technically a lot of stuff
I'm not supposed to be able to do,
and I've learned how to do.
So do not let that stop you.
But the crap you're saying to yourself in your head,
that's what's gonna make you unattractive, right?
That's the garbage we gotta get rid of that's in our head.
That's the stuff, you guys, that guys notice.
We wanna make sure we show up with a smile.
We smile with our eyes.
We have a good attitude.
And then pay attention to what you can work on.
Make sure you got good, cool makeup on.
Make sure you got cute earrings on.
Fix your hair, have a cute outfit.
Do all the things that you can control.
And then the stuff that you can't control, you guys,
I can't control my height.
I'm 4'11".
So if a guy wants to date a girl that's over 5'5",
then he's not going to pick me,
and I'm not a damn thing I can do about it.
Now, I can wear really high heels,
but that's about all I can do.
I'm 5'3".
But thank you for asking that, Rachel,
because you are not alone,
because for you, it's your knee.
For somebody else on this call or watching in replay,
they have another reason
why they're disqualifying themselves.
So you are not alone in doing that.
We all can do it.
And so we're just going to let that ship sail.
All right, any more questions?
I'm certainly not going to make you guys stay on
just for the sake of it.
See, do you see how close I'm getting to read this?
I want to know, once you go to like the Home Depot
or the Bass Pro, what do you do?
I mean, do you make up a product you're looking for
and ask the guy?
Well, here's the good thing about Home Depot.
You can buy anything for your house.
You can buy batteries.
You can buy extension cords.
Who doesn't need an extension cord?
Everybody needs an extra extension cord.
You know, you could pretend to be looking
for patio furniture.
You could pretend to be looking for a new ceiling fan.
Or like, you know what?
I'm thinking about getting a new chandelier for my dining.
I don't know.
And you just go look.
And then you're like, oh my gosh, where are the chandeliers?
Like, whatever.
So like, have you not been into Home Depot?
There's so much window shopping you can do.
Well, yeah, I just mean,
are you asking the other customers random questions
to strike up a conversation?
It could be the customers.
It could be the guy working the thing.
But basically, I'm practicing how to make conversation.
I'm practicing how to make eye contact with people.
And you're like, oh my gosh, wait,
do you know where the extension cords are?
Oh yeah, ma'am, they're right over there.
Even if that's all you do, Keri,
I'm just trying to get you to start talking to people.
Start asking for people.
You know, if you see, yeah.
Like, I'm just trying to get you
to start talking to people.
Obviously, if you get a girlfriend
and you go to like the local sports bar
and you go watch a game,
like that's a little bit more natural, right?
And you're like staying for the game.
Hopefully, you're gonna be watching a game
that you actually like.
You might pick volunteering at something.
That's why I said Habitat for Humanity
or something like that
because that's like a three-hour volunteer gig.
You're all kind of camaraderie doing something together.
Like Nashville has a nonprofit called Hands on Nashville.
And if you sign up at Hands on Nashville,
you could literally volunteer every single weekend
if you wanted to at different gigs all over the city.
And if you really wanted to meet guys,
you're gonna pick the activities
that are like a Habitat, like a rebuild,
like moving lots of heavy stuff
because it's gonna draw out more men to show up.
go up at that. And you start striking up conversations with people. So yeah, it's hard. I know it's
hard. I'm just asking you to just start, you know, get a girlfriend and just start. But
like I said, take your laptop, take a book and go to the coffee shop. Start being friendly
with people. You'd be surprised though in a grocery store how much you can ask for.
I ask, I always pick the thing on the top shelf and I'm always like, Oh my gosh, can
you get that for me at the gym? Like there's like the pull down machine. I have to step
up onto the chair to reach the top of it. I don't do that no more. I always go, I always
find a dude to do it. Now could I get up on the chair myself and do it? Yeah, but that
doesn't help me. So I'm like, Hey, do you mind getting that for me? There's this hot
guy at the gym. You guys, he, he must, he might, he might've been in the military. He
has, he's got a leg missing from knee down. So he comes in with crutches and I've watched
his game. Like he tries to pick up a few things and he slugs over to the chair. A couple times
I saw him ask, he asks like one of the high school kids to help go get weight. So now
I'm like, ah, like I need to offer to help this guy. Right? I don't know his situation,
but I'm like, Hey, do you need me to go get your weights for you today? He's like, Oh
my gosh, I just got him. But thank you so much. I was really sweet of you. Awesome.
So that was like me kind of practicing the guy sitting next to me at planet fitness,
getting a massage and the chair, like in the, in the black club, we're going to massage.
We are both like whining over our aches and pains. And I was really kind of, you know,
so like you just start practicing, start like, that's why I always joke around. Don't join
the bougie. Like I'm a bar instructor, like at Pilates bar. Like I say this because I've
done the bougie boutique stuff, but that's not where the guys are. Join like a planet
fitness, join something that you might actually run into guys. So try to do things. All right,
you guys, any final question? This is good. This was a good session tonight. I've enjoyed
it. It was fun. And we're going to, I'm going to wish I'm going to pray us out. Father God,
thank you so much for each and every single woman here. I just ask that you guide them,
that you bless them, that you speak wisdom, that you give them like just so many cool
ways to interact with the opposite sex. Father God, let them know that you delight in them
and just give them fun ways for them to interact and step out of the box. We just ask for a
head, your protection over each and every single woman in Jesus name. Amen. God bless
you all. Have a great.