All right, gentlemen, welcome to online dating.
I would actually like to say, though, I think the dating tips that Jack and I put together
in this packet really apply to all kinds of dating, especially as you meet people either
online or you get set up with somebody or you meet them at the grocery store and you're
like, how do I start that conversation without looking like a creeper?
And so that's the kind of whole point in this.
My printout just finished.
I'm going to go snag it real quick because I don't want to share the screen, but I will
tell you this.
I am going to send this to you guys as a PDF so you don't have to take notes.
But if I screen share, then you're like down to this big and I like being able to see all
your faces.
So, you know, Paul, I think what I was saying to Mike is and gentlemen, if you were watching
this in replay, it's important for you to see this teaching because we want you to see
what the women are being guided to do.
Right.
We want to hear the advice we're giving her, not just how she sets up her profile, but
how she should be responding to men.
So it might give you a gauge of the kind of feedback that you're getting.
Now we'll say this.
If I ask a hundred women in our community how they want to be in touch with men, you
might get 80 answers.
And so I'm going to just let you know what we tell them as guidelines.
And then everybody is on their own.
I think the biggest thing I can tell you overarching is, you know, always try to present
your best self forward.
Tell people what you want, not what you don't want.
Don't talk badly about others, no matter how badly they treated you.
Leave them better than you found them.
I mean, those are like some of the same guiding principles that kind of go.
And whatever she needs for her to feel safe, that's what you give her.
Like her safety is like paramount.
So if she's like, I need to see you in person first, I need to video call with you first.
I feel like if you remember nothing else that I say, those are like the basic things that
I kind of want to leave you with.
And I want this to be a Q&A.
So if you have any questions, suggestions, or ideas, feel free to jump in and ask me
about it.
It's really funny that I'm teaching the online dating class because no one coming into this
program hated online dating more than me.
I was like, I mean, I'm an old relic.
And so I was online dating when nobody was online dating.
You know, I was online dating when eHarmony like made you go through 5,000 steps before
you could see an actual face, you know, and way before the days of swiping, like way before
the days of it.
And I met some great people and I met some not so great people.
And it just every time I tried it, I felt like I got worse and worse results and I would
get off like I would get on and I get off, get on and get off.
And so I'm living proof that you can use online dating as a wonderful tool to meet new people
and practice your dating skills.
Because I went from that mindset to joining Jackie's program.
And within six months, she gave us the same dating challenge.
She gives a lot of people, which is, all right, go get seven dates.
And I'm like, well, if I could go find seven dates, I would have joined your program.
And I'm like, I ran a nonprofit at the time.
And I was in, I was helping out at musical theater.
So I was meeting married men and gay men, neither of which were helping my cause very
much.
So I was like, well, crap, I got to get online.
And you know what, y'all, I'm so glad I did, because I'm hoping to tell you and teach you
some of the clunkers and the ways that I, it's not about me judging other people.
It's about how I show up differently with a different attitude to it.
So the first thing I want to say to you is, like me, try to go in with a fresh attitude
of like, you know what, I don't care what the past was.
I'm not here to bitch about it.
Like I'm not here to tell other women how bad it is.
And you guys, by the way, the worst question men can ask women is, so how long have you
been on?
How's it going for you?
It is literally the most awkward question and the most common question we get from men.
And we're not sure why, because what are we supposed to say?
Well, we're still on here, so we clearly haven't found him yet.
And we don't want to be the person that's like, oh my gosh, there's just a bunch of
creepers on here.
Like we don't want to be that.
So like, or you know what, it's going great.
I've had 25 dates.
Would you like to be number 26?
Like there's just no good answer.
So don't ask her how long she's been on the app and don't ask her how it's going.
Like it's just, it's awkward.
So have a fresh attitude.
Don't talk about the past.
Even if you've been online already in the last six weeks and you're like, Renee, I got
back out there.
It's still stuck.
It still stinks.
I'm just going to say, leave that behind you.
You are all very good looking men.
All of you could probably get seven dates by the end of the week if you wanted.
Because that's how amazing you guys all are.
I mean, seriously, you all are nice guys.
I know that.
very good looking man. Like if I had y'all to choose from, I'd be very excited. I mean,
I'm too old for most of you, but just wanted to say that. I want you to feel confident
and all that good stuff. And so there you go. Okay.
Do what are good questions? No questions yet. Oh wait, would you say interactive? Okay.
Okay. Let me finish my first page and then you can ask me questions. Let me get past page one,
Mike. All right. So have a good, a new attitude. Do it to date. Don't think like, oh my gosh,
this is how I'm going to meet my wife. It might be, and it might not be, but do it just to get
out there and have fun. Hone your dating skills. Find out more about who you are, what you want,
and what you don't want. So this is the best way to do that. And then don't overthink every match,
every conversation, every day. I used to be like the queen of overanalyzing, like, oh my gosh,
we had seven video dates. He just fell off the earth. Oh my gosh. We had three great phone calls
and then nothing. Like I've kind of decided unless I can get past four dates with somebody,
I've relinquished that. If they ghost me, I don't care. It's fine. Move it along. Like do not waste
any time on somebody who's not putting their time and attention into this is a, we're in a world
where people are getting inundated. They're lazy and they're not always going to start to do like,
Hey, it was really nice talking to you, but I really want to pursue another direction.
And they might, and you might, and that's polite. It's a polite closure. But then you have this
awkward, like I've got to leave this open long enough. So she sees the message. Cause if I just
delete the conversation, she doesn't even see my message. And so to be honest with you, even I
stopped doing that. Cause I'm just like, because it just, it just added an extra layer of weirdness.
Now my attitude is if you only texted a few times, swipe away. If you got on the phone,
then try to tell her by phone or at least by text. If you had an actual date with her,
try to tell her. So I kind of feel like once you get to a verbal conversation, it is okay.
And, or you see either you have a phone call, a video or a live date. I'm okay. If you just text
her, you're like, Oh my gosh, that's really awkward. I don't want to text her goodbye.
It is okay if you do that because it's better than you just leaving her hanging. But if it's
somebody you're just hi, hi, hi, whatever, just let that ship sail. So don't overthink it. That's
my first page. So Mike, you can jump in now with your question. And if I'm going to cover in a
minute, I might say put a pin in it. Well, go ahead and keep going. Cause you'll probably
cover it. Okay. All right. So the first question that everybody always asks is which sites should
we be on? Um, and so I would say any ones that you feel comfortable with. Are you going to play
music for me while we're doing this? Uh, I, I do fiddle with it a bit when I'm practicing.
Dude, you fiddle, you fiddle away. Um, I'm just messing with you. Okay. So, um, anyway,
the first place you should all get to is Facebook dating. It's free and you're already on Facebook
anyway, to be in this community. So it's just one little tab over on your phone where the little
heart is. And so if you don't know how to get on Facebook dating, I can take and show you questions
towards the end and show you how to do that. Um, but I kind of feel like Facebook dating is free
and it's right there. And I know there is a million scammers there, you guys,
but I'll tell you what Facebook's really been cracking down on, um, people verifying.
And I've met some of them, some of the men that I've dated the longest I met in Facebook dating.
And I would say it is the most common place the women in our community are meeting guys. Then of
course you'll hear match, bumble, hinge, upward, e-harmony, salt, holy, all of those feel free to
try. Um, you can do Facebook dating free, you can do hinge free, um, you might even be able to do
bumble free. Um, obviously if you pay to play, you're going to get bumped up a little bit more
often, but you may not need to do that. So the rule of thumb is there are good guys, good girls,
bad guys, bad girls on all of the sites, even the Christian ones. And so there's no one place to go.
And like, it used to be a hundred years ago when I was on e-harmony because it was so expensive
and it was a pain to get through nine out of 10 times you were matched with a real person. In fact,
I want to say in the beginning, I never heard the word of a catfisher or a scammer. Like that just
didn't exist 25 years ago. It was legit people, even if they were, you know, old, fat, ugly, short,
tall, whatever, weird, at least it was an actual real person. So, um, at this point now you just
have to learn how to weed them out. Obviously you guys know that a scammer or a catfisher is
somebody who isn't who they say they are. The profile's fake, the photo's fake.
Some part of their story is fake.
Not everybody is trying to scam you out of money.
Some people are just catfishing and scamming
just for your time and attention.
They have no intention of ever meeting you.
They are bored, they're introverted,
and you can always rule them out the second you say,
hey, these are great text conversations,
but it's feeling a little clunky.
Would you mind hopping on a video with me?
It is why I always tell the women,
and a lot of the women go,
well, I got a Google voice number.
I personally don't recommend a Google voice number
because all you're doing is taking the texting
from the app to your phone.
Even though it's a protected phone number,
you're still not getting him to book a video date.
Make sure that he is who he says he is.
And so you would do the same thing, you know, men.
I would encourage you to say,
hey, would you be willing to hop on?
You know, this is going really great,
but would you be willing to hop on a video call?
I'm skipping way ahead, but I'm just trying to, you know,
that's the fastest way to find out
if someone is a catfisher,
if they are not who they say they are.
They won't get on a video.
Now, plenty of scammers will get on a video
and they'll make you fall in love with them.
That doesn't mean that they're a good person.
How you make sure they're a good person
is you meet them in real life
and you start to meet their people.
You don't let them just meet your people.
You start to meet their people.
And you just try to unpack the truth of that story.
Of course, there are not safe people,
and not safe people would be anybody
that is not marriage-minded, that is not healthy.
And I don't know, what does Jackie call it?
Because she tells us it's the three Ms.
She always says mature, masculine, and marriage-minded.
So I wonder what she says for the guys.
It's definitely, you still want maturity
and you still want marriage-minded.
Those are the things that you're looking for
is maturity, marriage-minded,
and somebody whose faith matches your own.
And even if, I would say faith matches its own
in fruit of the spirit, not gift of the spirit,
or how you guys worship.
Y'all might worship really different.
There's this cute couple on Instagram
where she's total Pentecostal girl
and he's like Southern Baptist.
And they do these funny little did bits.
And you clearly see that they worship differently,
they pray differently, they devotional differently,
but they've been able to make it work.
The one thing we do want you to do is consider men
is a lot of times you guys give women a hard time
for not picking the short guy,
not picking the slightly overweight guy,
while you are literally looking for like Katy Perry body
with like, I don't know, like Proverbs 31 woman inside.
And so it's like, be willing to look at a girl
that is not the height you would normally pick,
not the weight you would normally pick,
not the ethnic group you would normally pick,
not the hair color you would normally pick,
not the boob size you would normally pick,
like be willing to go outside.
If for no other reason to teach you to learn,
again, learn how to date
and find out what you'd like and don't like.
And so there are plenty of the women in the community
when they get married, they will say,
I married a guy that was not my type.
Nine out of 10 women say he was not my type,
which could be physical.
You guys, it's usually physical and or personality type.
And so if women are finding a lot of success in this program
by willing to go outside of their typical type,
we're really gonna encourage you to do the same thing.
Really just make sure that you're willing
to date outside your type.
Now we're gonna, so then the next two sections
we're gonna talk about is how to set up your profile
and how to look for a good profile first.
And how do you go from reaching out to her,
to texting her, getting from texting
as fast as possible to a video date,
as fast as possible to a live date.
So as we go through that, Mike,
did you have any questions based on anything
I've already said so far, knowing what I'm about to go do?
So one of my questions is,
I know we're supposed to go,
what you just said, your dissertation you just gave, right?
Yeah.
You know, I understand that, but,
so how to, I don't know, I just,
there's been people who I really absolutely
have no inclination at all,
but I really appreciate the,
so I don't know how to, how do you navigate that?
See, I hear what you're saying
and I want to agree with you, but-
Okay, so let me, let me, okay,
so no women are gonna see this
and I'm gonna be the vault for a second.
So give me a attribute for you.
Is it, she's just too old,
she has hair color you don't like,
or you're like, no, it's just a hot no Renee.
So, um, the age thing and the, um, and it's sometimes ethnicity, like there's, you know,
different ethnicities that I just have, I have, I have amazing women in my life in that
those ranges that I just have zero.
Okay.
So the, I will say this on the ethnic group, if that's way outside your comfort zone, Mike,
and you're like, there's just no way I'm going to feel comfortable.
Then I would say, don't entertain it.
You know what I mean?
Don't force yourself to do that.
And it's really funny because I was willing to try and date black men, but I don't know.
I mean, I have a lot of Asian and Latin friends and yet I don't date Asian and Latin men.
I don't know why.
I just don't.
And so, um, I feel like we want to stretch you, but not to the point that gives you discomfort.
Um, as far as the age thing, let me ask you this, like, how old are you?
48.
You're four.
You said 48.
Yeah.
48.
Okay.
Do how, how close to your age do you think I look?
I would say, this is a dangerous question.
Yeah.
It's okay.
Paul's going to rescue you in a minute.
No, but seriously, I'm, I'm really, I'm really close to your age.
I'm a few years.
I'm only a few years older than you.
So.
52.
I'm 50.
Well, no, I'm actually 55.
So I'm actually seven years, seven years older than you.
So, but if you saw me out at a bar and I started to flirt with you, would you immediately assume
I was a lot older than you?
No.
Would you, would, so would you entertain, I'm not, and I want you to be super blunt.
I won't be offended if you're like, Renee, there's, we're just talking age.
I may not be your physical type at all, but like, if you saw me talking to you and I started
talking to you at a bar or at a church, my suspicion is we look very close in age.
Would you guys not agree?
I look fabulous for my age.
Would you not agree?
You do.
No, you do look fabulous for your age and that's, so the point is it may not be the
age per se.
You might be open.
So if you saw me on a profile, you met me and we had a good connection.
You might entertain it because we look the same age and it's not like I look like I'm
65.
Right.
So you might be willing to entertain it.
But my suspicion is it's not just the age of some women.
It's that they also look like they're a lot older than you.
Would that be fair?
And so I have that instance in right now with somebody trying to be friends.
Right.
And I, and I'm wondering, I mean, cause what I have been connecting and saying, you know,
I've just been wishing them the best and, but I don't know how to, how, how do you handle
that?
You're not interested in pursuing anything romantic.
You have to just tell them.
Okay.
So this is what I mean, but like not in an honorable and gentle way, I'm about to give
it to you.
I'm about to give it to you because we have to do it with the men all of the time to nobody
want the phrase I use in the boundaries class.
And I don't know if, if David shared it, cause I think he went off of my old stuff, but the
phrase I use all the time in boundaries is we don't like to hurt people's feelings.
And so we end up causing harm because we don't want to say the thing that's going to sting.
We say nothing and then it piles up.
And then when we finally say something, it actually hurts worse than if we just said
something at the front end.
And so it is okay for you to say, by the way, I, you know, I'm enjoying seeing you in the
community.
It's been really lovely getting to know you, you know, I just want, I just want to be really
clear and honorable that I don't want to, I wouldn't, I would not, I am not interested
in pursuing anything romantic.
You can still keep checking in if you want, as I have time, I will respond, but I just
wanted to be clear.
So I didn't want to set you up to be disappointed.
I'm so grateful that you've reached out.
You seem like a genuinely amazing person.
And if I run into anybody in the men's community that I think would be a good fit for you,
I'd be happy to pass your name along.
Thank you so much for reaching out to me.
It was really kind of you.
Okay.
How does that sound?
Like that's kind of what I've been doing, but I just wanted to make sure that, and then
I have an idea.
I pray you find your spirit mate soon.
Yeah.
And you know what?
Plenty of men have done it to me.
Like I have led single spotlight.
I've reached out to, I've dropped a number of hankies.
Now does it kind of like, Oh, a little bit like when they first just like, Oh my gosh,
you seem really great, but thanks.
But no thanks.
Does it hurt in the moment?
Yeah.
You're like, Oh, and then you're like, take it out.
And by the next day, you're fine.
It's like, okay, he's not my person.
I'd rather him do that than BS and chit chat with me and make me think, Oh my gosh, you
know, it's like the girl or the guy I remember in high school when some guy or girl said
hello.
But you're like, oh my gosh, he said hello to me.
I don't know, that might mean nothing.
So I just feel like the sooner you guys can be kind,
but specific, and if they say to you,
they shouldn't, but if they say to you,
well, why do you say that already?
You don't even really know me.
And you're just gonna have to just say,
you know, I really just need you to trust my gut on this.
Thank you.
And that's it.
Just need you to trust my gut.
So how would you say that?
Start that out.
How would you say that to start that out?
Because I've ghosted people in the past
for that exact reason.
I don't want to hurt their feelings,
but I really didn't know how to say it.
So.
Right, and a lot of the women in the community,
and here's the thing, it can go both ways.
A lot of the women in the community have said,
you know, Jackie tells us to drop these hankies.
It's very hard for us to drop these hankies.
And when we do, we never hear from the guy.
And so it makes us less likely
to want to drop a hanky again.
And just say, so here's what you say, Paul.
You know what?
Thank you so much for reaching out.
That was really kind of you.
I know Jackie encourages that,
and that takes a lot of courage to do that.
I really don't want to pursue anything further at the time,
but I wish you the very best,
and thank you so much for being brave.
Okay.
Good.
And always watch the replay and write it down.
So you say.
Yeah, I will.
And you just cut.
I'm going to.
You just cut and paste this.
Well, that's within the community,
but I was thinking like,
I've never been on a dating site.
I don't trust them.
Never did.
Yeah.
So, and that's why I was looking for something
I could say there,
but that would work just as well.
I mean, and even in, you guys.
If I talk for a few times to them,
like if I decide not to.
Right, even in an online dating situation,
or there's a lot of singles Facebook pages out there,
someone reaches out to you or you reach out to them,
but pretty clearly, you know, it's not a match.
You just say, you know, I really enjoy talking to you.
I really don't want to pursue anything romantic
at this point.
And if they say to you, can we just be friends?
Here's what you can say,
especially if you don't want to keep talking to them.
Of course we can be friends.
I just need to be honest
that I don't have extra bandwidth
to keep up social media interaction
with, you know, with digital friends.
I just don't have the bandwidth
to continue direct messaging.
So I wouldn't want to disappoint you
or set you up for disappointment.
Okay.
I don't have the bandwidth.
I've got a very large circle of friends.
So of course, if I see you on face,
especially if it's somebody in our community,
if I see you on there,
of course I will be kind and friendly.
If I ever see you for an in-person,
I will wish you nothing but the best,
but I do not have the bandwidth to continue DMing
with somebody that I'm just friends with.
Cool, cool, thanks.
That's good.
Super good, thank you.
You know, cause that like anxiety of like,
you know, I don't want to be unkind,
but at the same time, I just don't see it.
I mean, y'all like when somebody in this community
that we did a single spotlight for,
it was the nicest punt I ever got from a guy.
It was so sweet.
And after the initial sting of about two seconds,
I thought, oh my gosh, what a nice response.
Now I wished he had given me a chance,
but you know what?
I clearly wasn't his person.
And so that's okay.
And so, all right.
So let's talk a little bit about setting up your profile.
I'm gonna just give you some,
I'm gonna skip through a lot of this
cause you guys are pretty smart, intelligent people,
good looking guys.
So here's the thing about your profile.
You want to make sure your first photo is a good shot
that we can see you clearly.
Please make sure you're smiling.
Men have this tendency to do mug shots
and you look like you're on death row.
Please do not do that.
Do not take any photos for the love of God
from the bathroom, for the love of God.
Find a friend, a neighbor, the mailman, find somebody.
If you don't know how to prop up your phone,
flip it around so you can take a photo,
get somebody in your life to take that dang photo for you.
It looks so creepy.
And for that record,
you guys don't do the car photo either.
If you think the car photo is a better option
than the bathroom photo, it's really not.
I would rather you go out with a bunch of your guy friends
and take some photos.
You're like, I have no good photos.
Well, then take photos.
Say to your buddies, like, hey, you guys,
I gotta do my profile thing.
Let's, can we just go out?
We're gonna go bowling.
Whatever you like to do, fishing, bowling,
like have a few shots, you doing what you love to do.
Now, please do not include yourself in a photo
that's this big with seven guys,
especially if you're all wearing baseball hats.
And we cannot tell you apart from the other guy.
The best is when we're like,
I don't even know which one you are.
The other thing that men tend to do
is you tend to wear baseball hats a lot
and sunglasses a lot.
And so Jackie would encourage the women to have like,
now I wear hats because I wear cute hats,
but I don't wear baseball hats.
One cute baseball hat, I'd be down.
with that. But otherwise, if you've got your ball in this, own your ball in this, just
let it go. Take the sunglasses off. Make sure you're kind of dressed nice in one photo.
Make sure you're casual in some photos, but make sure you include fun photos. Jackie would
say that however many pictures that you're allowed to put up, or videos, or ticklers,
do it. If they let you do an audio, do an audio. A lot of times I have been more, not
turned on, that's not the right word, I've been more intrigued by listening to somebody's
voice. And if you're like, oh, but I don't like the sound of my voice, I'm a total redneck.
Well, she's going to find your voice at some point, you might as well just own up to it.
And so, but I've listened to some men who actually look like a little too hillbilly
for me, but then I've listened to their voice and I'm like, all right, you know, Joe's got
some game. Like he sounds a little bit more articulate than I thought he would. Like,
I might give you a shot. And so if they allow for a voiceover, do that. If they allow for
a video, do that. If they allow for five photos, fill the five photos. Your bio, keep your
bio brief and simple. Don't vomit your faith, but don't be afraid to talk about your faith.
Like, let me give you an example of like what mine says, something like, you know, I was
in corporate America. Then I was in full-time church ministry, ran a nonprofit, and now
I'm a full-time consultant. I want to be around somebody who cares about growing their mind.
In parentheses, therapy. Spirit, my body, working out and eating healthy, spirit, close
relationship with Jesus Christ. I love to volunteer. I love community theater and college
sports and doing and trying anything athletic once. And I love to cook and have dinner with
friends. Boom. You know a lot about me in like five sentences, but you don't know, like
I ran a company, I've written a book, I'm in seminary, because some of that information
is just too much for the bio. You just want to share enough information about yourself
without sharing too much information about yourself. And don't waste any of your typing
space on, I hate online dating. This is uncomfortable. Don't be a scammer. Don't tell us what you
don't want. I don't want a scammer. I don't, my favorite, our favorite anti-guy line that
we hate the most that guys do, I don't want drama. I don't know anybody on the planet
that wants drama. And nine out of 10 times when a dude tells me he doesn't want drama,
he is the drama. Like he is the reason why there's drama. And so when girls say that,
they are the reason there is drama. Nobody wants drama. Like, so don't waste your breath
on that. Um, and just, you know, and if you're, you know, I think I put, um, I'm interested
in meeting people in real life. Like I'm here to date in real life. I think I have put that
in there too. Not looking for pen pals, looking to date in real life. And so that's what you
want to put in your photos. Are there any questions you guys have about that? By the
way, women do this in phase two all the time. And you men should feel free to do this. If
you want, if you're giving me permission, I technically now have access to your page.
Sorry. I do. That's how I'm helping post stuff because we're supposed to help Jackie and
David when they're not around or they're busy or there's trauma. I can't help if I can't
get into the page. But if you say, Hey Renee, will you take a look at my profile? We will
be happy to critique the photos, tweak them a little bit and tweak your bio. A lot of
times we tell the women to, um, bump up the exposure because there's too much shadow
on their face. Um, I always tell the ladies to look at the light. So that's how I look
so young, Mike, as I'm looking at you with the light, the light is shining on there.
And so like when you start to do like, look how dark and kind of almost creepy Hunter
looks in the car. Like, right. Cause he can kind of look, he's a, it's very good looking
men, but like, because the light's a little bit behind them, see how once the light gets
behind me, how you kind of lose me. And so you always just want to make sure you're facing
the light. Also care about your surroundings. If you've noticed, I've got this, but I got
to take you to the road. Well, I know. Well, I'm with you under, you keep doing your thing.
So any questions at all about your profile photos and what to put in there and we can
move it on to the next thing. What's your question, Hunter? Now he raises his hand.
I don't think it'd be smart to have a photo of me holding one of my swords, right? Holding
a weapon. No, no, no way. Would you want to mention, I will say this, unless you are like
a first amendment junkie and you like your guns and you're going to show, I will say
this. I'm okay. If men show pictures of too many, if they show me pictures of their motorcycle,
I don't ride motorcycles and I won't, I don't want.
I get on one, they scare the crap out of me.
And I would hate to be with a guy
who wants me to get on a bike.
Unless it's like 30 miles an hour or less,
I'm not getting on that dang bike with you.
I'm just not.
Like for me, I would rather see that you are a hunter,
a fisher, or a biker.
Because if that's not me, and that's what you want,
then show me that and let me swipe left
because I'm not your gal.
Like I don't want to go hunting and fishing
and motorcycling with you.
That's just not me, right?
So if you have a thing you love doing,
put it in your picture because you want to find the girl
who loves doing that too, right?
Okay.
I already talked about-
Would you want to put your age?
Well, some sites are,
a lot of them already have my age in there.
Like Facebook has my age.
I'm pretty sure Bumble and Hinge have my age.
And you guys, do not lie about your height or your age.
Do not lie.
Like for some reason, women are really peeved
when men lie about either one of those.
Me, I'm 4'11".
So if you say you're 5'6", and you're really only 5'5",
I won't care.
But apparently for women,
lying about your height's a big stinking deal.
Just like you wouldn't want us to lie about our weight,
I guess is the idea.
Like, also don't put up photos that are 10 years old.
No photos that are older than two years.
Two years is your max.
Two years, right?
So like, obviously I've been a part of this community
for four years, three years?
Three years.
So I already need to refresh my photos, right?
Cause I'm at the three year mark.
Like some of them, I think, I mean, I want to say,
oh, I totally still look like that.
I might, I mean, I don't know.
And obviously if you're thinner or heavier,
you want to show your most recent photos.
I don't know why men, and I don't know,
maybe you could tell me that women do the same thing.
I see their army picture from 20 years ago,
their high school picture.
I don't really care.
Like that means nothing to me.
I can't tell you how many times I've shown up on a video
with a guy and he looks nothing like his photos.
He's not a scammer, it's just that the photos are so old.
And I'm like, eh, so tell me a little bit.
Okay, so as, so that's what to put in your profile,
what you should be looking for.
You want to look for a girl
who is showing you all those photos.
And so Mike, I don't want you repulsed by the girl.
If you're just like, like, no, like don't.
But if you're like, here's the,
here's what I want you to give a chance on.
Like, there might be guys that are 5'10",
that like the last guy that I just dated, he was 6'2".
And he would normally never date a girl 4'11", my height.
But he was so glad he did,
because that didn't end up being at all
the reason why, that we had any issues.
Like the height was not even an issue.
So I would say, try not to let height be an issue.
If you normally like short hair and she's got long hair,
if you normally like dark hair and she's a little blonder,
girls can color our hair.
Like we can color it.
So you like blonde, we can make it blonde.
You like red, we can make it red.
She got gray, we can color the gray.
So if you don't like her hair color
and she falls in love with you
and you fall in love with her, I promise you,
she will go get some, she will go get some root job done.
And now some are diehards and may not want to,
but I'm saying, you know, if you don't,
if you think she wears a little too much makeup,
you can help her, you can tell her like,
oh my gosh, you look amazing.
You don't need to put all that makeup on.
You know, I like you just the way you are, more natural.
And then she'll feel confident
to start dropping the makeup thing.
If she like has like way long nails,
but you don't like long nails.
So, you know what I mean?
So there's some things that you can work with
that I want you to be able to work with.
Absolutely.
But there's, there's certain things
that just are not possible.
A hundred percent, a hundred percent.
No, I mean, all those things that you mentioned are like.
They're all things you can work with.
Inconsequential really, right?
You know, so no, I didn't want to sound petty,
but it's like, man, if I just,
if I'm having to force myself to do something,
it's not even a stretch.
It's a, you know, and so.
And usually what Jackie will say is
if there's enough there, give them a chance.
So she always says it's a yes until it's a no.
So she'll say, did you have a good time with him?
Did he have a lot of the things, did you guys,
so you, this is what you're looking for, Mike.
Do you have a lot of the same interests?
Do you have the same faith?
Do you live in the same area?
Do you, you know what I'm saying?
Do you have the same belief system?
Do you have the same goals?
If all of those things are there
and you're just not sure about the looks,
she would say, give it a chance.
But if all of those other things aren't there,
then it's not worth it anyway.
Do you know what I'm saying?
And so it's like, you have to have enough
of those other things there.
Like, oh, cause this is what Jackie will say is,
well, this guy checks off all the box
except I'm not physically attracted to him.
She'll say.
give it at least three dates.
And in those three dates,
have him pick something he loves to do
so that his best self gets to shine through.
And if at the end of those three dates,
if you still feel nothing,
then you can decide to, you know, kind of end it.
And it's not leading them on, it's dating.
That's what dating is.
It's discovery dating.
Remember level two dating is discovery dating.
I think Jackie and David already did dating 101
with you guys,
where she talked about the different levels of dating.
And so in discovery dating,
you're just getting to know people.
You're not needing sparks of flying.
Cause she would say,
if sparks are flying in the first few dates,
that's usually your trauma attaching to their trauma.
Every therapist will tell you that too.
So when you feel like you want to have sex across the table
with somebody on the first date,
it is not healthy connection that you're having typically.
It is your own health matching their own health.
And you can't even tell, like I'm the codependent.
I will spot the addict or the narcissist
in a room every time.
Like, it's just like.
And they're getting really good at it, you guys.
I thought for sure I could spot a narcissist,
but there are so many variations of that now
that you really have to get to know people
and see that kind of reveal itself.
Okay.
So here's, I want to talk to you a little bit
about getting you to dates quickly.
Because a lot of times girls will go,
I don't know what to think of this guy.
And we're like, how long are you on dates yet?
No, we're just texting.
How long have you been texting?
Three weeks.
I'm like, heck to the no.
So Jackie and I have a less than one week time belt
on texting.
We kind of feel like three or four texting conversations
back and forth, and then we nip it in the bud.
As a woman, I would just say,
hey, those are great questions.
I just feel like texting is a clunky way to do it.
I'm a visual and verbal learner.
So I would much rather see you the first time.
Oh, great.
Can we talk on the phone?
No, I actually don't exchange numbers.
My preference is a video chat for the first time.
I think it's a really good way to see body language
and get to know somebody.
And then if we both feel comfortable at that,
after that, we can exchange phone numbers.
That's usually-
So you say about a week?
About a week?
I say about a week in the texting.
Now, of course, if one person's out of town and somebody,
like there's been times guys have reached me.
I'm like, I'm literally about to leave
on a mission trip tomorrow.
I will be back in 10 days.
That's different.
Like I'm about to leave for vacation.
That's different.
But ideally in texting, I call it,
all you're trying to get across is what's in your resume.
And I don't want you to vomit your resume
because that's boring.
But you know what I'm saying?
The information about yourself
that you don't care if anybody knows.
Like I don't care to tell,
like I'm fine saying to folks,
I grew up in a big Italian home in the Northeast.
I moved out West.
You know, I was a really smart kid, turned cheerleader.
I went to college for engineering and finance.
And I've worked in both the corporate and nonprofit sectors.
I'm one of four kids.
I love to cook.
I love outdoor sports.
Those are all things I'm willing to tell
the entire world about me.
That's the stuff you exchange on a text.
You don't like,
and we are really working hard with these ladies
to not be too pushy about learning about exes,
their faith and how they stand on sex before marriage
in the texting.
None of that is appropriate.
And so when women badger you about that information,
your standing line is that's a great question.
One that I will answer once we get to face-to-face,
if we get to face-to-face.
Like that's just too personal of a question.
Like let's just hold off on that.
But that's a great question,
just not appropriate for right now.
So how, what are good ways to start off on a text?
Like this thing you match with somebody, right?
What are your favorite questions to be asked
that get you engaged?
Say something about my profile.
I saw that you love cheerleading.
I saw that you love to go hiking.
I love to go hiking.
It lets me know that you actually read my profile.
So, oh my gosh, I love that picture of you
that looked like the Sea of Galilee.
Were you in Israel?
I was in Israel.
Yes, I was there too.
So find something either on their photo
that picked your interest or in their bio,
say why it caught your attention,
and hopefully you've picked something
that you share the same interest.
Oh my gosh, you did marathons and triathlons?
I used to do marathons and triathlons too.
That's so cool.
Are you still-
Oh my God, yeah, I know.
Let's look at, now Hunter's just interrupting me
without even muting you.
I'm gonna mute you permanently, Hunter,
if you just keep interrupting me like that.
I'm just saying, look, see, I'm muting you.
Okay, I love Hunter.
Hunter and I have been friends for a while,
so we get to do that.
So that's how, I think to me, that is the best way.
You guys, please, for the love of God,
don't say good morning, hello, how are you?
Because a lot of times, we're like, oh, we're good.
Like, that's all you're going to get back.
Oh, I'm good.
So now you're forcing her to kind of come up
with the most creative thing.
So just say, you know what?
I really noticed, like, I really enjoy.
Don't say, oh my gosh, you're so pretty.
Because right away, girls love hearing that
and are creeped out by it.
And you never know what you're going to get.
So you can just say, oh my gosh,
I really loved your pictures.
You look like you are a happy person.
That's a really positive thing.
Or you have a great smile.
You have really nice eyes.
Smile, eyes, you look really happy.
You look super outgoing.
You look like you know how to have a lot of fun.
Tell me more.
Or like, what other things interest you?
Now, if you do want to find out a little bit
about the faith, where they stand on their faith
and they don't really get clarity on her bio,
this is how I've encouraged the women to ask this.
I always say, hey, so tell me a little bit
about the things that matter most to you these days
that take up your time and energy.
What matters most to you that take up your time and energy?
And I'll say, I'll go first.
You know, right now I'm working
while I'm going to seminary school.
I love going to local community theater.
I'm very actively working out.
I have a church community that's really important to me.
I'm in a small group.
I love to cook.
So I list my faith as one of a dozen things about me
that are important to me.
So it doesn't sound like I'm just this Jesus girl.
And I wait and see if he takes the bait.
So if he responds with, oh, I love to work out
and my job keeps me busy and I love to travel,
but he mentions nothing about church or his faith,
I just go, hmm, and I make a mental note.
I don't assume and I don't badger yet.
So I keep talking.
And so then as we go along, then I might ask,
so tell me, if you don't mind me asking,
how does faith show up in your everyday life?
How does faith show up in your everyday life?
That is a really good way.
Cause you're not asking them, do you go to church?
Do you watch online?
Do you pray?
I don't care how you were raised.
Cause my favorite is when I ask a question like that
and a guy goes into this whole, like, oh my gosh,
I was raised Methodist and this, I'm like,
then I go, so I wait for them to vomit
all about their childhood and I'll say again,
so tell me how does your faith show up for you today?
Because I don't really care how it showed up for you
when you were 10.
I really care how it showed up for you today.
Now you might say to me, you know what, Renee?
Since COVID or since the divorce,
I've just not felt comfortable going back into a church
and I watch a lot online.
I've listened to a couple of podcasts.
I go to a men's group, but you know,
it's something I really want to do a little bit more of.
I might say, gosh, that's really cool.
And then I would go on to another conversation
and I would leave it be.
I would not drill down.
And this is like something,
so that's the level I might get to in a few text messages,
especially if they want to see me or do a video date,
but I've got no idea anything about them
and their bio was not made clear.
So sometimes I have nipped it in the bud
right on that conversation.
Now, if he's inappropriate or she's inappropriate,
y'all can just bless and block and just delete that crap.
You don't need to explain,
because here's what we try to tell the women.
It is not your job to school them,
teach them, give them advice.
They don't care.
They don't know you.
If they're like, you know what I'm saying?
And so like we think, well,
I need to tell them as a sister or brother in Christ,
I need to warn them how they're behaving.
No, just let it go.
Just move on.
If after a video date,
here's the thing you do when we encourage video dates,
we encourage them for the first one to be one hour.
One hour.
We want you to, yeah.
Oh, Mike's like, oh crap.
Yeah.
I want to give you a reason to ask for another video date
because here's what happens.
The longer the video date,
the more you start sharing too much personal information.
You just do.
Cause you're like, look at Mike.
Mike's so dreamy.
Him and I are connecting.
We got undivided attention.
Like you just start talking
and you just start sharing too much.
And then you have what's called
the emotional hangover the next day.
You're like, oh my gosh,
I just told that woman all my dreams.
The other thing I want you to do is make sure
that you're in what I would call a date setting.
Where would you bring a date back to your house
on the first date?
Like right now, Paul's in the kitchen.
Paul's not going to do his first video date
from the kitchen, is he?
No.
Okay.
Well, hey, this is new to me.
Like Mike's got a cool picture behind him.
Ty's got a cool...
Now my only comment to Ty is that the camera's too low.
And so I feel like he's kind of looking down at me.
So you want to...
prop your computer up.
And here's the other thing you might wanna do.
Like I might even be too close to you guys.
I might do a video day about this far away
so that you can see that I got a cute necklace on,
you can see my hair,
you would be able to see my hand gestures
because I'm Italian, I talk with my hands.
And so you would get a little bit more of my personality.
When the camera's this close,
it's just kind of creepy, right?
It just looks a little bit too much.
I mean, my Italian nose is starting to show.
Now, if I'm like, Ty, Ty's given you this, Ty, right?
Like that's kind of also weird, right?
So, and like I would say the camera's a little,
even a little low for you, Paul, right?
So you just wanna grab a couple of books
and put it up at eye level.
So it looks like we're sitting across from each other.
So Mike, you're fine,
but you can even back up the camera a little bit more
if you wanted to,
just so we could see a little bit more of you.
Otherwise you guys look fabulous.
So this is the kind of feedback I give for the video
is keep the first video to an hour,
try to get to know her, have some fun, silly questions.
You guys have seen me do single spotlight a million times,
ask fun questions.
Like, hey, if you're going to,
like, I've got some fun questions to ask you.
If you were going to a potluck, what's your go-to meal?
What was your favorite subject in high school and why?
Did you play, I'm a big fan.
This is like one of my interview questions too.
Did you play on a sport or any kind of club in high school?
And what was it?
Because I have found, especially if they are single,
they're only children.
If they're only children and they were never on a sport,
they don't know how to share.
Like that's sort of, they don't know how to share.
They have no siblings and they've never been on a sport
or a team or worked in a group.
They have no idea how to share.
And so I just make note of that.
No, that's important because I've been.
Hey, I've only got 10% left.
I got to go grab my power cord.
So I want you to be thinking of your hardest questions
to ask me or scenarios
because I want to make the last 15 minutes super fun.
Cause I feel like, well, actually I do want to give you
tidbits how to get from the video to a date,
how to tell her you want to go out on a date again
and how you want to dump her if you need to dump her.
Dump her nicely though.
Dump her nicely.
Ty, I really like the bridges behind you.
That's super cool.
It's a super cool montage.
Is it montage?
Would that be that?
Yeah, it's a, I don't know.
I got it from my brother.
It's got bridges and buildings.
I wish it kind of had a couple more buildings.
Okay.
Thank you.
It's pretty neat.
Thank you very much.
If you guys are local to her,
I would not do more than two video dates
before you book that live date.
Even long distance,
Jackie doesn't like more than six weeks
or six long video dates
before you're talking about booking a visit.
Because the problem is you can get
into this whole digital romance thing going on.
And if you don't actually see each other in person,
you can get this fake sense of intimacy.
And let's face it, you guys,
an online date is not a normal date.
You and I are staring at each other,
giving each other our undivided attention.
That is not the way a date and life actually works.
On a date, you're dealing with other people in the crowd,
the wait staff, all the things, right?
Traffic.
And so as quickly as possible,
you wanna see what this person is like in real life.
You wanna see them in real life.
So get as quickly as possible.
You can say, hey, you know,
I enjoyed talking to you on this video chat.
Would you be up for a hike, a walk?
Grab a coffee, walk through your cute town.
Go putt-putt, go bowling.
Pick something to do where you can be moving
and talking at the same time
so you're not just staring at each other.
I'm definitely a queen of coffee dates.
And I know Jackie abhors coffee and wine dates.
Thank you.
I mean, but I do them all the time
because they're quick and they're easy.
So a lot of times now what I've been doing
is picking really cute coffee shops
so we can sit outside.
It's spring now.
It's a great time.
Or I might say, hey,
cause I live down, I have a very Hallmark town.
So I might say, hey, let's go grab coffee
and then go just take a walk down the street together.
So it's coffee, but we're walking.
And so you kind of window shop with somebody.
You see how they are when they bump into somebody.
So it's a chance to kind of get to do that.
Or I pick like a hiking trail.
I'm a big fan of not spending a lot of money
on the first date.
Cause you know, if you don't like each other,
you don't feel guilty.
Then you don't have to feel guilty about it.
Definitely don't do things like a movie.
Don't do anything that's going to force
a four hour commitment on you.
Now, obviously if you guys are going to have to meet
from out of town and you're both driving halfway.
to see each other. You might just say like, hey, let's go meet at a park and we'll make,
we'll do a picnic lunch or something like that. And you know, and that's what I did on a long
distance date. Once we met halfway and we did a hike together, my sister was totally creeping
and watching on 360 to make sure I was still moving the whole time. And then when we sat
at the picnic table, she's like, are you dead? You've stopped moving. So I brought a card game
and we had lunch. So even if we hated each other by this point, and we were bored to tears,
I had a board game ready. So if you are going to book a four hour, because obviously if someone's
going to drive more than two, three hours, the date's probably going to last at least three
hours. Cause now you're going to feel really bad to like drive four hours, have an hour date and
just go back home. I know Bethany said, Brian did that for her, but a lot of people are not
going to drive that many hours for a one hour day. And that would make me feel bad. So I'd say,
Hey, you know what, would you be willing, like, let's go for a walk or let's play some card games
because even if someone's not my person, like there's silly games out there that you can play
and like have a good time or throw a Frisbee or something and like make it like a sport.
Go ahead, Mike. So I drove four hours for a date, but it was, but like we did a long date and it
was really, it seemed, I wish it'd been local. Right. You know, but it was after, like you said,
the romance of being online, online, the date was amazing. Like we're, we're having all these
things and then we get in person. It was a train wreck, but like, but let's see,
this is exactly why you did it. So how many online dates did y'all do?
We never went on, we just chatted for a couple of weeks. Um, and then I went to Reading and saw her.
No, no. I mean, so when you chatted for those two weeks, were you doing video dates, phone,
what were you doing? See, I had just, this is the first time I'd started dating ever since after 25
years. But, um, like, so, so I had no idea I wasn't doing online dating. I wasn't. No, I know. So how
were you conversing with her for two weeks? Were you texting? On Upward, on Instagram text.
So you only texted for two weeks? And video, video. Um, yeah. And how often did you video?
Hmm. Oh, not video. I mean, audio. Um, it was, we used to do audio. It was, you know,
it was a learning experience. But you actually never saw her in person by video before you flew
out to see her. That was very brave. No, no, no. I drove to Reading. It's, it's four hours. It's
not a big deal. Okay. Still, you drove four hours to a chick you did not see on a video.
Yep. That was very brave of you. I would not have done that.
Well, but, but, but what I noticed is like, so there was an intensity because it was such a
distance. And I would have, I, you know, in hindsight, I wish I'd done it for, I wish it
had been an hour date. An hour? Like an hour a day, even. I would have driven four hours to
have a good hour. How long was your date? Like three hours. Yeah, that might be too long. Three
hours is too long. It was a train wreck though in three hours. That's a bummer. It was a train
wreck out the gate because she got triggered as soon as we met. And I, and I was like.
Bless your heart, Mike. Okay. So, so this, you bring up a good point. Here's your, here's my
advice to you because this is the advice I just gave some of the women in the community. If you
are going out of town, have a backup plan. So plan like one hour or an hour and a half with her,
if you want, and then have something else planned to go do like for yourself. Like I'm going to go
to a coffee shop this way. You can say to her like, Hey, this date's going really well. I would
love to stick around for another hour. I know we only said an hour or 90 minutes, but you know
what I would, she doesn't need to know that you already had a backup hour already planned. You
know, you can just say like, Hey, I don't need to get back on the road for another hour. Do you want
to go do something else? Do you want to keep talking? So maybe that's what I would recommend
is have a couple hours ready. Um, I still feel like an hour is not long and well, I would say
this local an hour. I've had plenty of dates in an hour and I've known within, sometimes I've
known within 20 minutes. I'm like, Oh sweet baby Jesus. How do I make this date last an hour? Like
I mean, we've all had that. Um, but usually in those moments I try to go like, all right, how
can I just be kind? How can I be a blessing? Like I try to find some way to redeem the hour.
So it doesn't feel like a total bust. Um, but I'm sorry that you experienced that,
Mike, that was very generous of you. And I think that's very kind that you'd be willing.
It's funny that you'd be willing to do that. That would make me very uncomfortable. If a guy
told me he was willing to drive four hours to only give me an hour, I would feel really guilty.
That'd be really hard for me. So if you said, and I didn't, I didn't take that into consider,
see that, see that was, that's great feedback because I didn't, to me it was, it was like,
Hey, if you're worth, I mean, I think you're somebody worth putting the effort in. I I'm
willing to take the shot. Well, and I, and I think that's, and like I said, Brian did that for
Bethany and she seemed to be okay with it. I just.
a lot of us are like, Oh my gosh. So what you could say is, Hey, I'd love to meet you for coffee.
I've got other things I can do in town afterwards too. So don't feel like, you know, if it's not
going well, don't feel like you've got to keep entertaining me. I've got other stuff I can go do.
So maybe if you say it that way, it's just like, Oh, okay. You know, like, like somebody might say,
somebody might say to me, you know what? Hey, I'd love to come see you. And you know, we can book
an hour. And if it goes longer, great. If not, I've never been to Nashville. I'd love to go,
you know, I could always go down, you know, downtown and visit Nashville. Then I'd be like,
Oh, okay. It would take the pressure off of me, a feeling like I would have to entertain you
or feel guilty if it's bad in an hour. And then I just send you back home.
I'd be like, I'm so Italian. I'd be like, can I make you cookies to go?
I had a friend who had a 50 she met at coffee shops because she's no in the 15 minutes in 15
minutes. She'd know she had like, and she had the baristas that were on call. Like, you know,
I have well, I have two restaurants I used to toggle between and the waitstaff knew me. They'd
be like, Oh, there's Renee with another date. And there was one guy he was being a total a-hole.
A total a-hole. And I don't say that lightly. And like, literally, she passed me a note that
was like, do I need to get you out of this situation? And I'm like, please do.
And she's like, Hey, we just got a call. Like someone's been trying to reach you. Like,
come take this call, sneak you out the back.
I'm sorry. That's a terrible, I mean, yeah, super good with all this stuff. Thank you.
Good. You bet. Here's how we're teaching our women. I can't say this is true for all women.
And I will tell you this. Most women don't know to do this. So if you're on a date with a chick
and you're like, I don't know if she wants to see me again, she didn't say it.
Like a lot of women are too chicken to say how they feel. So we're teaching women to say at
the end of a date, Mike, I had a really great time with you. I would love to see you again,
to get to know you further. If that's something you're interested in, if not, that's totally okay
too. It was just really nice to meet you. And then I turn and go. So this way, if you're like,
have no desire to take me out again, you don't have to say, Oh yeah, sure. Let's go out. Don't
say it. If you don't mean it, just say you, all you have to do is say, so if you don't want to
go out with her again, after she says that you just say, Oh my gosh, Lauren, it was really nice
meeting you too. And then that's it. You thank her and you walk away. She will probably know
like, Hmm, he didn't mention the second date. Now, if you really liked her, you'd say, gosh,
really, you know what? I will be happy to get in touch with you to book the next date.
And then that's how, you know, I love that you guys are doing that, but that's so kind of great
greats against like, that's what the dude should be doing. Like the thing is a lot of times guys
are telling us we're not. So the girl isn't asking for the second date. She's just letting, you know,
the opportunity to make it clear. Cause a lot of times guys say to us or to Jackie,
they can't tell if we like them or not. Like, I don't know.
No, that that's that. Yeah. That's fair.
So what we're saying is like, Oh my gosh, Mike, I really had a nice time with you.
If you're up for, I'd love to see you again. If not, that's totally great too.
And then I turn and go, that's not me asking you out on a date. That's not me planning the next
date, but that is making it easy for you to know that I would be open to it. Now, if I'm not open
to it, here's how I'll end the date. Mike, I had a really nice time getting to know you. Thank you
so much for giving up your evening. I really had so much fun. Thank you so much. I, you know,
I really wish you the best. And then I turn and go. And so that's how, you know, and you may not
know. Um, sometimes girls have forgotten to say something at the thing. And so sometimes guys
will say, can you just text me to let me know you got home? Okay. Or if you've exchanged phone
numbers, you can say, Hey Mike, I just got home. I just wanted to say, thank you again. I had a
great time. I'd love to see you again. If not, it was just really nice getting to know you.
And so if I didn't say it at the day, I will say it when I get home. So this way I know I've dropped
that hanky. I've done everything to make it easy for you. And if you don't pick up the hanky,
then that's okay. Super. Okay. And I see it. So super cool. Yeah. Now I can't tell you that all
women are going to do that. I'm just trying to tell you, we're trying to start coaching women
to make it clear, to drop hankies. But then we always say, once you drop that hanky, don't pick
it up again. Like let them at that point, he has to initiate and you can reciprocate. So women go,
well, I told him I wanted to see him again. I haven't heard. He hasn't booked the next date.
Don't, don't book it. If he texts you, if he starts texting,
But he doesn't book the next date because some women go well
He's just been texting me for the last three weeks since our date
What do I do to get him to ask the day I said stop texting with him
He's either going to pick up the phone and call you or book the next date
But if you're making it easy for him to be lazy, then he's gonna keep being lazy
And so this is what I've done like hey, you know what? I really enjoyed getting to know you
I I don't know if I was clear. I'm really not a texter. That's not how I like to get to know people
I don't really have the bandwidth for that
So if you wanted to see me again that I would totally love that
But if you don't then that's okay, too. So then that's me letting them know I'm not doing this anymore
I'm not gonna keep that texting you if you don't have any intention of taking me out again
So that's the kind of stuff we're trying to coach the women to do it's
It helps you
know that we're where we stand on stuff and
We want to help you stop the dragging and Mike feel free to use everything that I'm telling you with women
So if women text you but you can't tell you can just say hey, you know what Sally?
I had a really great time getting to know you
I'm not really sure if you're interested in going out again, but I'd love to you know
Get to know you a little bit better. Are you open to going out again if she says well?
No, can we just keep talking by text for a while? You can say you know what?
Honestly, I'm really looking to date people in real life and I only use texting for those early stages
So that's not really working for me, you know, but I wish you the really best. Thanks for being honest with me, Sally
So like you can do this and all the advice I give the women
That's what you guys could be doing. If you have women who are being wishy-washy
Does this help no, it is super helpful you bet
Um
Here are the questions that you don't want to ask women. Why are you still single? Why are you married? Why did you get divorced?
Okay, so what's the situation with your ex like we're trying to teach the women to not drill men about their exes
Your first your first video dates and your first dates there. It is so inappropriate to find out like why'd you get divorced that?
Why did you never get married and my favorite question like why'd you never get married?
And now I laugh I used to be offended and defensive when I got that question now
I just laughed I said that's it's probably as short of an answer as why you got divorced
So let's just like yes, that's a great question
And at some point if we get to know each other, I'd be happy to tell you more about that
I guess my short answer is I just haven't found my spirit mate yet
And he hasn't found me that's my short answer
Because any other answer I'm defending myself. I'm explaining myself
Any mentions of the axe? I feel like when the minute somebody brings up the axe
I feel like I walk away from that date know more about the axe and I do about the person that's in front of me
and
So there's just nothing more
Discouraging than hearing about the ex on the first date like, you know what here like, you know what?
You know marriage it was hard divorce was even harder. I wouldn't wish it on anybody
I've definitely learned a lot and at the appropriate time. I'd be happy to share more about that with you then
Are you laughing Mike?
Well, she's snoring
But something just fell on the counter. That's what that was my little my little spinner my little frother spinner just knocked over
No, she's snoring. Can you not hear her snoring? Like the girl is snoring man. She's like snoring
She's old
Okay, well, I don't want to keep you guys much longer do you have any questions you want to ask me scenarios questions
This is your time Hunter. What's your question?
Just I heard that from the from Jackie that the first group of men are already on the last year singles app
When is it they said that you could get a call back?
We'll let you know when it's time or some of you guys are gonna get in next week
Right now there's only five guys in there's only it's mostly all of the volunteers at this point
we're really only letting the volunteers in because
We're having people move around like I just did the tech training last night with all the volunteers and only six people showed up and
We found like four things for and so we're like, well, you shouldn't be able to see someone's email
Oh darn it, and we're like they we did we tried DMing each other
We tried sending comments to each other like right now
It's just been mean Cheryl and David in there and it's like you can't really test much
so like all right now, let's let the volunteers in and let's see if we can screw it up and break the system and then
Ideally next week. Our goal is next week letting in all of phase three women and all of the men
The rest of all right, that's our goal
Because I haven't gone on the app at all. Well, and we're only gonna send you first
You don't worry because when we're gonna do it we're gonna send you an email with the link to the desktop you could
Download now you just can't get in because your contacts not in there, but you can download you can go to the app store right now and download last year single.
I had that already, but I haven't gone on there because of what I put.
And what's going to happen is, if you try to get in it's going to ask for your email and it's going to tell you you're not in the system, so you won't get very far.
Um, if you do that, but just to give you since you guys are on here, it's really cool. So, like, there's like the phases and then those are all the single cities. And then I've got the volunteer groups. And what's really cool. Let me show your your men's page.
So, right in your men's page, the comment tab, the community tab is one tab. One tab over is all the heart work and last year single content. And then all of the replays are there. And then today.
Events the calendar with all the zoom links are right here. So, like, in it, you're going to be able to see all of them.
So, if you can see it right now, then that concerns me.
All right, because, because I haven't. And I also make clear, I will not go on there until I what I until I become that new man from the heart work and not the old me.
Gotcha. I got you. That's awesome. And of course, that's the phone version. I do the training on the desktop version. Right now there's a couple more. And that supposedly the push notifications is working the push notifications. We did some test ones.
And it went to Jackie and Bethany, but not me, Cheryl and David, who have been living on the app. So,
And I'm not seeing the whole
Well, you're not seeing it yet because we've not added you to those groups yet.
So you're not because I'm an admin. So I can see all the pages. And right now, like, as a man, you're not going to see the female pages, you know, I'm saying
We are creating one joint community called last year single community. And that's going to have all the men and all the women together.
Super cool. So no, thank you. You know, you, you have. I love your spirit and your spunk right and and your strength. I mean, that's, that's a huge part of you. And I really appreciate how
Yeah, you're amazing. So thank you for your time tonight.
Well, I really appreciate that was I much needed to hear that this week. It's not been an easy weekend. So I affirmation. So thank you.
Yeah, I really appreciate that.
I'm just happy I got here just in time right after work.
Well, I'm glad you're able to get on to. All right. Well, you guys. It was such a blessing and a pleasure. I will put
There's a lot more pages in here, then you'll probably ever want to read, but feel free to skim through it.
And this was actually the most fun online dating class that I did. So I loved your questions. I loved the feedback and any woman would be blessed to have any one of you guys as their as their person. And so, and I'm just super excited to hear your love stories when they unfold.