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All right, gentlemen, welcome to online dating.

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I would actually like to say, though, I think the dating tips that Jack and I put together

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in this packet really apply to all kinds of dating, especially as you meet people either

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online or you get set up with somebody or you meet them at the grocery store and you're

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like, how do I start that conversation without looking like a creeper?

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And so that's the kind of whole point in this.

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My printout just finished.

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I'm going to go snag it real quick because I don't want to share the screen, but I will

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tell you this.

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I am going to send this to you guys as a PDF so you don't have to take notes.

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But if I screen share, then you're like down to this big and I like being able to see all

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your faces.

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So, you know, Paul, I think what I was saying to Mike is and gentlemen, if you were watching

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this in replay, it's important for you to see this teaching because we want you to see

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what the women are being guided to do.

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Right.

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We want to hear the advice we're giving her, not just how she sets up her profile, but

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how she should be responding to men.

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So it might give you a gauge of the kind of feedback that you're getting.

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Now we'll say this.

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If I ask a hundred women in our community how they want to be in touch with men, you

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might get 80 answers.

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And so I'm going to just let you know what we tell them as guidelines.

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And then everybody is on their own.

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I think the biggest thing I can tell you overarching is, you know, always try to present

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your best self forward.

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Tell people what you want, not what you don't want.

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Don't talk badly about others, no matter how badly they treated you.

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Leave them better than you found them.

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I mean, those are like some of the same guiding principles that kind of go.

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And whatever she needs for her to feel safe, that's what you give her.

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Like her safety is like paramount.

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So if she's like, I need to see you in person first, I need to video call with you first.

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I feel like if you remember nothing else that I say, those are like the basic things that

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I kind of want to leave you with.

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And I want this to be a Q&A.

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So if you have any questions, suggestions, or ideas, feel free to jump in and ask me

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about it.

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It's really funny that I'm teaching the online dating class because no one coming into this

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program hated online dating more than me.

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I was like, I mean, I'm an old relic.

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And so I was online dating when nobody was online dating.

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You know, I was online dating when eHarmony like made you go through 5,000 steps before

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you could see an actual face, you know, and way before the days of swiping, like way before

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the days of it.

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And I met some great people and I met some not so great people.

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And it just every time I tried it, I felt like I got worse and worse results and I would

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get off like I would get on and I get off, get on and get off.

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And so I'm living proof that you can use online dating as a wonderful tool to meet new people

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and practice your dating skills.

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Because I went from that mindset to joining Jackie's program.

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And within six months, she gave us the same dating challenge.

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She gives a lot of people, which is, all right, go get seven dates.

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And I'm like, well, if I could go find seven dates, I would have joined your program.

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And I'm like, I ran a nonprofit at the time.

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And I was in, I was helping out at musical theater.

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So I was meeting married men and gay men, neither of which were helping my cause very

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much.

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So I was like, well, crap, I got to get online.

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And you know what, y'all, I'm so glad I did, because I'm hoping to tell you and teach you

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some of the clunkers and the ways that I, it's not about me judging other people.

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It's about how I show up differently with a different attitude to it.

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So the first thing I want to say to you is, like me, try to go in with a fresh attitude

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of like, you know what, I don't care what the past was.

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I'm not here to bitch about it.

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Like I'm not here to tell other women how bad it is.

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And you guys, by the way, the worst question men can ask women is, so how long have you

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been on?

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How's it going for you?

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It is literally the most awkward question and the most common question we get from men.

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And we're not sure why, because what are we supposed to say?

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Well, we're still on here, so we clearly haven't found him yet.

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And we don't want to be the person that's like, oh my gosh, there's just a bunch of

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creepers on here.

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Like we don't want to be that.

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So like, or you know what, it's going great.

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I've had 25 dates.

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Would you like to be number 26?

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Like there's just no good answer.

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So don't ask her how long she's been on the app and don't ask her how it's going.

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Like it's just, it's awkward.

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So have a fresh attitude.

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Don't talk about the past.

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Even if you've been online already in the last six weeks and you're like, Renee, I got

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back out there.

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It's still stuck.

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It still stinks.

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I'm just going to say, leave that behind you.

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You are all very good looking men.

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All of you could probably get seven dates by the end of the week if you wanted.

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Because that's how amazing you guys all are.

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I mean, seriously, you all are nice guys.

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I know that.

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very good looking man. Like if I had y'all to choose from, I'd be very excited. I mean,

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I'm too old for most of you, but just wanted to say that. I want you to feel confident

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and all that good stuff. And so there you go. Okay.

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Do what are good questions? No questions yet. Oh wait, would you say interactive? Okay.

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Okay. Let me finish my first page and then you can ask me questions. Let me get past page one,

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Mike. All right. So have a good, a new attitude. Do it to date. Don't think like, oh my gosh,

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this is how I'm going to meet my wife. It might be, and it might not be, but do it just to get

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out there and have fun. Hone your dating skills. Find out more about who you are, what you want,

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and what you don't want. So this is the best way to do that. And then don't overthink every match,

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every conversation, every day. I used to be like the queen of overanalyzing, like, oh my gosh,

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we had seven video dates. He just fell off the earth. Oh my gosh. We had three great phone calls

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and then nothing. Like I've kind of decided unless I can get past four dates with somebody,

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I've relinquished that. If they ghost me, I don't care. It's fine. Move it along. Like do not waste

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any time on somebody who's not putting their time and attention into this is a, we're in a world

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where people are getting inundated. They're lazy and they're not always going to start to do like,

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Hey, it was really nice talking to you, but I really want to pursue another direction.

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And they might, and you might, and that's polite. It's a polite closure. But then you have this

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awkward, like I've got to leave this open long enough. So she sees the message. Cause if I just

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delete the conversation, she doesn't even see my message. And so to be honest with you, even I

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stopped doing that. Cause I'm just like, because it just, it just added an extra layer of weirdness.

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Now my attitude is if you only texted a few times, swipe away. If you got on the phone,

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then try to tell her by phone or at least by text. If you had an actual date with her,

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try to tell her. So I kind of feel like once you get to a verbal conversation, it is okay.

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And, or you see either you have a phone call, a video or a live date. I'm okay. If you just text

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her, you're like, Oh my gosh, that's really awkward. I don't want to text her goodbye.

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It is okay if you do that because it's better than you just leaving her hanging. But if it's

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somebody you're just hi, hi, hi, whatever, just let that ship sail. So don't overthink it. That's

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my first page. So Mike, you can jump in now with your question. And if I'm going to cover in a

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minute, I might say put a pin in it. Well, go ahead and keep going. Cause you'll probably

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cover it. Okay. All right. So the first question that everybody always asks is which sites should

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we be on? Um, and so I would say any ones that you feel comfortable with. Are you going to play

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music for me while we're doing this? Uh, I, I do fiddle with it a bit when I'm practicing.

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Dude, you fiddle, you fiddle away. Um, I'm just messing with you. Okay. So, um, anyway,

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the first place you should all get to is Facebook dating. It's free and you're already on Facebook

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anyway, to be in this community. So it's just one little tab over on your phone where the little

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heart is. And so if you don't know how to get on Facebook dating, I can take and show you questions

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towards the end and show you how to do that. Um, but I kind of feel like Facebook dating is free

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and it's right there. And I know there is a million scammers there, you guys,

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but I'll tell you what Facebook's really been cracking down on, um, people verifying.

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And I've met some of them, some of the men that I've dated the longest I met in Facebook dating.

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And I would say it is the most common place the women in our community are meeting guys. Then of

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course you'll hear match, bumble, hinge, upward, e-harmony, salt, holy, all of those feel free to

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try. Um, you can do Facebook dating free, you can do hinge free, um, you might even be able to do

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bumble free. Um, obviously if you pay to play, you're going to get bumped up a little bit more

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often, but you may not need to do that. So the rule of thumb is there are good guys, good girls,

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bad guys, bad girls on all of the sites, even the Christian ones. And so there's no one place to go.

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And like, it used to be a hundred years ago when I was on e-harmony because it was so expensive

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and it was a pain to get through nine out of 10 times you were matched with a real person. In fact,

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I want to say in the beginning, I never heard the word of a catfisher or a scammer. Like that just

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didn't exist 25 years ago. It was legit people, even if they were, you know, old, fat, ugly, short,

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tall, whatever, weird, at least it was an actual real person. So, um, at this point now you just

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have to learn how to weed them out. Obviously you guys know that a scammer or a catfisher is

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somebody who isn't who they say they are. The profile's fake, the photo's fake.

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Some part of their story is fake.

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Not everybody is trying to scam you out of money.

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Some people are just catfishing and scamming

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just for your time and attention.

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They have no intention of ever meeting you.

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They are bored, they're introverted,

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and you can always rule them out the second you say,

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hey, these are great text conversations,

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but it's feeling a little clunky.

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Would you mind hopping on a video with me?

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It is why I always tell the women,

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and a lot of the women go,

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well, I got a Google voice number.

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I personally don't recommend a Google voice number

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because all you're doing is taking the texting

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from the app to your phone.

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Even though it's a protected phone number,

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you're still not getting him to book a video date.

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Make sure that he is who he says he is.

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And so you would do the same thing, you know, men.

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I would encourage you to say,

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hey, would you be willing to hop on?

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You know, this is going really great,

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but would you be willing to hop on a video call?

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I'm skipping way ahead, but I'm just trying to, you know,

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that's the fastest way to find out

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if someone is a catfisher,

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if they are not who they say they are.

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They won't get on a video.

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Now, plenty of scammers will get on a video

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and they'll make you fall in love with them.

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That doesn't mean that they're a good person.

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How you make sure they're a good person

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is you meet them in real life

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and you start to meet their people.

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You don't let them just meet your people.

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You start to meet their people.

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And you just try to unpack the truth of that story.

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Of course, there are not safe people,

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and not safe people would be anybody

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that is not marriage-minded, that is not healthy.

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And I don't know, what does Jackie call it?

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Because she tells us it's the three Ms.

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She always says mature, masculine, and marriage-minded.

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So I wonder what she says for the guys.

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It's definitely, you still want maturity

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and you still want marriage-minded.

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Those are the things that you're looking for

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is maturity, marriage-minded,

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and somebody whose faith matches your own.

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And even if, I would say faith matches its own

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in fruit of the spirit, not gift of the spirit,

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or how you guys worship.

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Y'all might worship really different.

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There's this cute couple on Instagram

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where she's total Pentecostal girl

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and he's like Southern Baptist.

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And they do these funny little did bits.

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And you clearly see that they worship differently,

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they pray differently, they devotional differently,

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but they've been able to make it work.

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The one thing we do want you to do is consider men

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is a lot of times you guys give women a hard time

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for not picking the short guy,

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not picking the slightly overweight guy,

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while you are literally looking for like Katy Perry body

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with like, I don't know, like Proverbs 31 woman inside.

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And so it's like, be willing to look at a girl

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that is not the height you would normally pick,

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not the weight you would normally pick,

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not the ethnic group you would normally pick,

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not the hair color you would normally pick,

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not the boob size you would normally pick,

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like be willing to go outside.

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If for no other reason to teach you to learn,

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again, learn how to date

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and find out what you'd like and don't like.

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And so there are plenty of the women in the community

225
00:13:06.260 --> 00:13:08.940
when they get married, they will say,

226
00:13:08.940 --> 00:13:11.260
I married a guy that was not my type.

227
00:13:11.260 --> 00:13:14.400
Nine out of 10 women say he was not my type,

228
00:13:14.400 --> 00:13:15.780
which could be physical.

229
00:13:15.780 --> 00:13:19.180
You guys, it's usually physical and or personality type.

230
00:13:19.180 --> 00:13:22.980
And so if women are finding a lot of success in this program

231
00:13:22.980 --> 00:13:26.460
by willing to go outside of their typical type,

232
00:13:26.460 --> 00:13:29.020
we're really gonna encourage you to do the same thing.

233
00:13:29.020 --> 00:13:31.220
Really just make sure that you're willing

234
00:13:31.220 --> 00:13:33.700
to date outside your type.

235
00:13:33.700 --> 00:13:35.560
Now we're gonna, so then the next two sections

236
00:13:35.560 --> 00:13:39.500
we're gonna talk about is how to set up your profile

237
00:13:39.500 --> 00:13:41.940
and how to look for a good profile first.

238
00:13:41.940 --> 00:13:44.320
And how do you go from reaching out to her,

239
00:13:44.320 --> 00:13:48.260
to texting her, getting from texting

240
00:13:48.260 --> 00:13:50.300
as fast as possible to a video date,

241
00:13:50.300 --> 00:13:52.500
as fast as possible to a live date.

242
00:13:52.500 --> 00:13:54.620
So as we go through that, Mike,

243
00:13:54.620 --> 00:13:57.380
did you have any questions based on anything

244
00:13:57.380 --> 00:14:00.740
I've already said so far, knowing what I'm about to go do?

245
00:14:00.740 --> 00:14:02.860
So one of my questions is,

246
00:14:02.860 --> 00:14:04.860
I know we're supposed to go,

247
00:14:04.860 --> 00:14:08.060
what you just said, your dissertation you just gave, right?

248
00:14:08.060 --> 00:14:08.900
Yeah.

249
00:14:08.900 --> 00:14:09.720
Yeah.

250
00:14:09.720 --> 00:14:10.560
Yeah.

251
00:14:10.560 --> 00:14:11.400
Yeah.

252
00:14:11.400 --> 00:14:12.220
Yeah.

253
00:14:12.220 --> 00:14:13.060
Yeah.

254
00:14:13.060 --> 00:14:13.900
Yeah.

255
00:14:13.900 --> 00:14:14.720
Yeah.

256
00:14:14.720 --> 00:14:15.560
Yeah.

257
00:14:15.560 --> 00:14:16.400
Yeah.

258
00:14:16.400 --> 00:14:17.220
Yeah.

259
00:14:18.180 --> 00:14:20.180
You know, I understand that, but,

260
00:14:23.500 --> 00:14:25.740
so how to, I don't know, I just,

261
00:14:25.740 --> 00:14:27.620
there's been people who I really absolutely

262
00:14:27.620 --> 00:14:30.460
have no inclination at all,

263
00:14:30.460 --> 00:14:32.600
but I really appreciate the,

264
00:14:33.580 --> 00:14:37.620
so I don't know how to, how do you navigate that?

265
00:14:37.620 --> 00:14:39.100
See, I hear what you're saying

266
00:14:39.100 --> 00:14:42.100
and I want to agree with you, but-

267
00:14:42.100 --> 00:14:44.180
Okay, so let me, let me, okay,

268
00:14:44.180 --> 00:14:46.540
so no women are gonna see this

269
00:14:46.580 --> 00:14:48.980
and I'm gonna be the vault for a second.

270
00:14:48.980 --> 00:14:53.220
So give me a attribute for you.

271
00:14:53.220 --> 00:14:55.780
Is it, she's just too old,

272
00:14:55.780 --> 00:14:57.660
she has hair color you don't like,

273
00:14:57.660 --> 00:15:00.220
or you're like, no, it's just a hot no Renee.

274
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:09.120
So, um, the age thing and the, um, and it's sometimes ethnicity, like there's, you know,

275
00:15:09.120 --> 00:15:13.240
different ethnicities that I just have, I have, I have amazing women in my life in that

276
00:15:13.240 --> 00:15:15.760
those ranges that I just have zero.

277
00:15:15.760 --> 00:15:16.760
Okay.

278
00:15:16.760 --> 00:15:21.440
So the, I will say this on the ethnic group, if that's way outside your comfort zone, Mike,

279
00:15:21.440 --> 00:15:23.920
and you're like, there's just no way I'm going to feel comfortable.

280
00:15:23.920 --> 00:15:25.840
Then I would say, don't entertain it.

281
00:15:25.840 --> 00:15:26.840
You know what I mean?

282
00:15:26.840 --> 00:15:28.600
Don't force yourself to do that.

283
00:15:29.600 --> 00:15:35.800
And it's really funny because I was willing to try and date black men, but I don't know.

284
00:15:35.800 --> 00:15:41.920
I mean, I have a lot of Asian and Latin friends and yet I don't date Asian and Latin men.

285
00:15:41.920 --> 00:15:42.920
I don't know why.

286
00:15:42.920 --> 00:15:43.920
I just don't.

287
00:15:43.920 --> 00:15:52.000
And so, um, I feel like we want to stretch you, but not to the point that gives you discomfort.

288
00:15:52.000 --> 00:15:57.120
Um, as far as the age thing, let me ask you this, like, how old are you?

289
00:15:57.120 --> 00:15:58.120
48.

290
00:15:58.400 --> 00:15:59.400
You're four.

291
00:15:59.400 --> 00:16:00.400
You said 48.

292
00:16:00.400 --> 00:16:01.400
Yeah.

293
00:16:01.400 --> 00:16:02.400
48.

294
00:16:02.400 --> 00:16:03.400
Okay.

295
00:16:03.400 --> 00:16:08.000
Do how, how close to your age do you think I look?

296
00:16:08.000 --> 00:16:10.480
I would say, this is a dangerous question.

297
00:16:10.480 --> 00:16:11.480
Yeah.

298
00:16:11.480 --> 00:16:12.480
It's okay.

299
00:16:12.480 --> 00:16:14.880
Paul's going to rescue you in a minute.

300
00:16:14.880 --> 00:16:20.200
No, but seriously, I'm, I'm really, I'm really close to your age.

301
00:16:20.200 --> 00:16:21.200
I'm a few years.

302
00:16:21.200 --> 00:16:23.000
I'm only a few years older than you.

303
00:16:23.000 --> 00:16:24.000
So.

304
00:16:24.000 --> 00:16:25.000
52.

305
00:16:25.000 --> 00:16:26.000
I'm 50.

306
00:16:26.000 --> 00:16:27.520
Well, no, I'm actually 55.

307
00:16:27.920 --> 00:16:30.200
So I'm actually seven years, seven years older than you.

308
00:16:30.200 --> 00:16:36.920
So, but if you saw me out at a bar and I started to flirt with you, would you immediately assume

309
00:16:36.920 --> 00:16:38.880
I was a lot older than you?

310
00:16:38.880 --> 00:16:39.880
No.

311
00:16:39.880 --> 00:16:44.120
Would you, would, so would you entertain, I'm not, and I want you to be super blunt.

312
00:16:44.120 --> 00:16:47.200
I won't be offended if you're like, Renee, there's, we're just talking age.

313
00:16:47.200 --> 00:16:51.840
I may not be your physical type at all, but like, if you saw me talking to you and I started

314
00:16:51.840 --> 00:16:57.520
talking to you at a bar or at a church, my suspicion is we look very close in age.

315
00:16:57.520 --> 00:16:59.040
Would you guys not agree?

316
00:16:59.040 --> 00:17:00.480
I look fabulous for my age.

317
00:17:00.480 --> 00:17:01.480
Would you not agree?

318
00:17:01.480 --> 00:17:02.480
You do.

319
00:17:02.480 --> 00:17:10.200
No, you do look fabulous for your age and that's, so the point is it may not be the

320
00:17:10.200 --> 00:17:12.440
age per se.

321
00:17:12.440 --> 00:17:14.119
You might be open.

322
00:17:14.119 --> 00:17:18.760
So if you saw me on a profile, you met me and we had a good connection.

323
00:17:18.760 --> 00:17:23.720
You might entertain it because we look the same age and it's not like I look like I'm

324
00:17:23.720 --> 00:17:24.720
65.

325
00:17:24.720 --> 00:17:25.720
Right.

326
00:17:25.720 --> 00:17:27.680
So you might be willing to entertain it.

327
00:17:27.680 --> 00:17:31.680
But my suspicion is it's not just the age of some women.

328
00:17:31.680 --> 00:17:34.680
It's that they also look like they're a lot older than you.

329
00:17:34.680 --> 00:17:36.320
Would that be fair?

330
00:17:36.320 --> 00:17:40.240
And so I have that instance in right now with somebody trying to be friends.

331
00:17:40.240 --> 00:17:41.240
Right.

332
00:17:41.240 --> 00:17:45.120
And I, and I'm wondering, I mean, cause what I have been connecting and saying, you know,

333
00:17:45.120 --> 00:17:49.920
I've just been wishing them the best and, but I don't know how to, how, how do you handle

334
00:17:49.920 --> 00:17:50.920
that?

335
00:17:50.920 --> 00:17:52.920
You're not interested in pursuing anything romantic.

336
00:17:52.920 --> 00:17:53.920
You have to just tell them.

337
00:17:53.920 --> 00:17:54.920
Okay.

338
00:17:54.920 --> 00:17:59.000
So this is what I mean, but like not in an honorable and gentle way, I'm about to give

339
00:17:59.000 --> 00:18:00.000
it to you.

340
00:18:00.000 --> 00:18:04.880
I'm about to give it to you because we have to do it with the men all of the time to nobody

341
00:18:04.880 --> 00:18:07.400
want the phrase I use in the boundaries class.

342
00:18:07.400 --> 00:18:11.680
And I don't know if, if David shared it, cause I think he went off of my old stuff, but the

343
00:18:11.680 --> 00:18:17.680
phrase I use all the time in boundaries is we don't like to hurt people's feelings.

344
00:18:17.680 --> 00:18:24.800
And so we end up causing harm because we don't want to say the thing that's going to sting.

345
00:18:24.800 --> 00:18:27.240
We say nothing and then it piles up.

346
00:18:27.240 --> 00:18:31.120
And then when we finally say something, it actually hurts worse than if we just said

347
00:18:31.120 --> 00:18:32.780
something at the front end.

348
00:18:32.780 --> 00:18:39.280
And so it is okay for you to say, by the way, I, you know, I'm enjoying seeing you in the

349
00:18:39.280 --> 00:18:40.280
community.

350
00:18:40.280 --> 00:18:45.200
It's been really lovely getting to know you, you know, I just want, I just want to be really

351
00:18:45.200 --> 00:18:50.760
clear and honorable that I don't want to, I wouldn't, I would not, I am not interested

352
00:18:50.760 --> 00:18:52.960
in pursuing anything romantic.

353
00:18:52.960 --> 00:18:59.120
You can still keep checking in if you want, as I have time, I will respond, but I just

354
00:18:59.120 --> 00:19:00.120
wanted to be clear.

355
00:19:00.120 --> 00:19:02.960
So I didn't want to set you up to be disappointed.

356
00:19:02.960 --> 00:19:04.840
I'm so grateful that you've reached out.

357
00:19:04.840 --> 00:19:07.360
You seem like a genuinely amazing person.

358
00:19:07.360 --> 00:19:11.080
And if I run into anybody in the men's community that I think would be a good fit for you,

359
00:19:11.080 --> 00:19:13.200
I'd be happy to pass your name along.

360
00:19:13.200 --> 00:19:15.080
Thank you so much for reaching out to me.

361
00:19:15.080 --> 00:19:17.040
It was really kind of you.

362
00:19:17.040 --> 00:19:18.040
Okay.

363
00:19:18.040 --> 00:19:20.720
How does that sound?

364
00:19:20.720 --> 00:19:24.120
Like that's kind of what I've been doing, but I just wanted to make sure that, and then

365
00:19:24.120 --> 00:19:25.120
I have an idea.

366
00:19:25.120 --> 00:19:27.640
I pray you find your spirit mate soon.

367
00:19:27.640 --> 00:19:28.640
Yeah.

368
00:19:28.640 --> 00:19:29.640
And you know what?

369
00:19:29.640 --> 00:19:30.640
Plenty of men have done it to me.

370
00:19:30.640 --> 00:19:32.440
Like I have led single spotlight.

371
00:19:32.440 --> 00:19:36.040
I've reached out to, I've dropped a number of hankies.

372
00:19:36.040 --> 00:19:40.280
Now does it kind of like, Oh, a little bit like when they first just like, Oh my gosh,

373
00:19:40.280 --> 00:19:41.640
you seem really great, but thanks.

374
00:19:41.640 --> 00:19:42.640
But no thanks.

375
00:19:42.640 --> 00:19:43.640
Does it hurt in the moment?

376
00:19:43.640 --> 00:19:44.640
Yeah.

377
00:19:44.640 --> 00:19:46.760
You're like, Oh, and then you're like, take it out.

378
00:19:46.760 --> 00:19:48.520
And by the next day, you're fine.

379
00:19:48.520 --> 00:19:50.400
It's like, okay, he's not my person.

380
00:19:50.400 --> 00:19:56.160
I'd rather him do that than BS and chit chat with me and make me think, Oh my gosh, you

381
00:19:56.160 --> 00:19:59.760
know, it's like the girl or the guy I remember in high school when some guy or girl said

382
00:19:59.760 --> 00:20:00.040
hello.

383
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:01.700
But you're like, oh my gosh, he said hello to me.

384
00:20:01.700 --> 00:20:03.780
I don't know, that might mean nothing.

385
00:20:03.780 --> 00:20:07.740
So I just feel like the sooner you guys can be kind,

386
00:20:07.740 --> 00:20:11.200
but specific, and if they say to you,

387
00:20:12.200 --> 00:20:13.700
they shouldn't, but if they say to you,

388
00:20:13.700 --> 00:20:14.980
well, why do you say that already?

389
00:20:14.980 --> 00:20:16.740
You don't even really know me.

390
00:20:16.740 --> 00:20:18.860
And you're just gonna have to just say,

391
00:20:18.860 --> 00:20:21.700
you know, I really just need you to trust my gut on this.

392
00:20:21.700 --> 00:20:22.940
Thank you.

393
00:20:22.940 --> 00:20:24.060
And that's it.

394
00:20:24.060 --> 00:20:25.620
Just need you to trust my gut.

395
00:20:26.740 --> 00:20:28.180
So how would you say that?

396
00:20:28.180 --> 00:20:29.820
Start that out.

397
00:20:29.820 --> 00:20:31.180
How would you say that to start that out?

398
00:20:31.180 --> 00:20:33.100
Because I've ghosted people in the past

399
00:20:33.100 --> 00:20:34.060
for that exact reason.

400
00:20:34.060 --> 00:20:35.780
I don't want to hurt their feelings,

401
00:20:35.780 --> 00:20:37.660
but I really didn't know how to say it.

402
00:20:37.660 --> 00:20:38.620
So.

403
00:20:38.620 --> 00:20:43.180
Right, and a lot of the women in the community,

404
00:20:43.180 --> 00:20:44.980
and here's the thing, it can go both ways.

405
00:20:44.980 --> 00:20:46.900
A lot of the women in the community have said,

406
00:20:46.900 --> 00:20:50.380
you know, Jackie tells us to drop these hankies.

407
00:20:50.380 --> 00:20:52.580
It's very hard for us to drop these hankies.

408
00:20:52.580 --> 00:20:54.900
And when we do, we never hear from the guy.

409
00:20:54.900 --> 00:20:56.380
And so it makes us less likely

410
00:20:56.380 --> 00:20:58.380
to want to drop a hanky again.

411
00:20:58.380 --> 00:21:00.860
And just say, so here's what you say, Paul.

412
00:21:00.860 --> 00:21:01.700
You know what?

413
00:21:01.700 --> 00:21:02.740
Thank you so much for reaching out.

414
00:21:02.740 --> 00:21:04.180
That was really kind of you.

415
00:21:04.180 --> 00:21:05.900
I know Jackie encourages that,

416
00:21:05.900 --> 00:21:08.180
and that takes a lot of courage to do that.

417
00:21:08.180 --> 00:21:10.800
I really don't want to pursue anything further at the time,

418
00:21:10.800 --> 00:21:12.340
but I wish you the very best,

419
00:21:12.340 --> 00:21:14.240
and thank you so much for being brave.

420
00:21:15.740 --> 00:21:16.940
Okay.

421
00:21:16.940 --> 00:21:18.220
Good.

422
00:21:18.220 --> 00:21:21.660
And always watch the replay and write it down.

423
00:21:21.660 --> 00:21:22.500
So you say.

424
00:21:22.500 --> 00:21:23.320
Yeah, I will.

425
00:21:23.320 --> 00:21:24.160
And you just cut.

426
00:21:24.160 --> 00:21:24.980
I'm going to.

427
00:21:24.980 --> 00:21:25.820
You just cut and paste this.

428
00:21:25.820 --> 00:21:27.220
Well, that's within the community,

429
00:21:27.220 --> 00:21:28.060
but I was thinking like,

430
00:21:28.060 --> 00:21:29.660
I've never been on a dating site.

431
00:21:29.660 --> 00:21:30.500
I don't trust them.

432
00:21:30.500 --> 00:21:31.520
Never did.

433
00:21:31.520 --> 00:21:32.360
Yeah.

434
00:21:32.360 --> 00:21:33.820
So, and that's why I was looking for something

435
00:21:33.820 --> 00:21:34.660
I could say there,

436
00:21:34.660 --> 00:21:36.060
but that would work just as well.

437
00:21:36.060 --> 00:21:37.380
I mean, and even in, you guys.

438
00:21:37.380 --> 00:21:39.140
If I talk for a few times to them,

439
00:21:39.140 --> 00:21:42.340
like if I decide not to.

440
00:21:42.340 --> 00:21:44.820
Right, even in an online dating situation,

441
00:21:44.820 --> 00:21:48.020
or there's a lot of singles Facebook pages out there,

442
00:21:48.020 --> 00:21:50.340
someone reaches out to you or you reach out to them,

443
00:21:50.340 --> 00:21:52.340
but pretty clearly, you know, it's not a match.

444
00:21:52.340 --> 00:21:55.220
You just say, you know, I really enjoy talking to you.

445
00:21:55.220 --> 00:21:57.420
I really don't want to pursue anything romantic

446
00:21:57.420 --> 00:21:58.260
at this point.

447
00:21:58.260 --> 00:22:01.900
And if they say to you, can we just be friends?

448
00:22:01.900 --> 00:22:03.000
Here's what you can say,

449
00:22:03.000 --> 00:22:05.020
especially if you don't want to keep talking to them.

450
00:22:05.020 --> 00:22:06.460
Of course we can be friends.

451
00:22:06.460 --> 00:22:08.020
I just need to be honest

452
00:22:08.020 --> 00:22:10.820
that I don't have extra bandwidth

453
00:22:10.820 --> 00:22:15.340
to keep up social media interaction

454
00:22:15.340 --> 00:22:18.660
with, you know, with digital friends.

455
00:22:18.660 --> 00:22:20.260
I just don't have the bandwidth

456
00:22:20.260 --> 00:22:23.220
to continue direct messaging.

457
00:22:23.220 --> 00:22:24.740
So I wouldn't want to disappoint you

458
00:22:25.260 --> 00:22:26.820
or set you up for disappointment.

459
00:22:26.820 --> 00:22:27.660
Okay.

460
00:22:27.660 --> 00:22:30.260
I don't have the bandwidth.

461
00:22:30.260 --> 00:22:32.300
I've got a very large circle of friends.

462
00:22:32.300 --> 00:22:35.060
So of course, if I see you on face,

463
00:22:35.060 --> 00:22:37.180
especially if it's somebody in our community,

464
00:22:37.180 --> 00:22:38.180
if I see you on there,

465
00:22:38.180 --> 00:22:39.940
of course I will be kind and friendly.

466
00:22:39.940 --> 00:22:41.860
If I ever see you for an in-person,

467
00:22:41.860 --> 00:22:43.260
I will wish you nothing but the best,

468
00:22:43.260 --> 00:22:46.860
but I do not have the bandwidth to continue DMing

469
00:22:46.860 --> 00:22:48.900
with somebody that I'm just friends with.

470
00:22:48.900 --> 00:22:50.420
Cool, cool, thanks.

471
00:22:50.420 --> 00:22:51.740
That's good.

472
00:22:51.740 --> 00:22:52.580
Super good, thank you.

473
00:22:52.740 --> 00:22:55.900
You know, cause that like anxiety of like,

474
00:22:55.900 --> 00:22:58.300
you know, I don't want to be unkind,

475
00:22:58.300 --> 00:23:00.700
but at the same time, I just don't see it.

476
00:23:00.700 --> 00:23:03.180
I mean, y'all like when somebody in this community

477
00:23:03.180 --> 00:23:04.700
that we did a single spotlight for,

478
00:23:04.700 --> 00:23:07.140
it was the nicest punt I ever got from a guy.

479
00:23:07.140 --> 00:23:08.340
It was so sweet.

480
00:23:08.340 --> 00:23:11.460
And after the initial sting of about two seconds,

481
00:23:11.460 --> 00:23:14.220
I thought, oh my gosh, what a nice response.

482
00:23:14.220 --> 00:23:16.740
Now I wished he had given me a chance,

483
00:23:16.740 --> 00:23:18.180
but you know what?

484
00:23:18.180 --> 00:23:19.620
I clearly wasn't his person.

485
00:23:19.620 --> 00:23:20.700
And so that's okay.

486
00:23:20.740 --> 00:23:23.140
And so, all right.

487
00:23:23.140 --> 00:23:26.140
So let's talk a little bit about setting up your profile.

488
00:23:26.140 --> 00:23:27.300
I'm gonna just give you some,

489
00:23:27.300 --> 00:23:28.740
I'm gonna skip through a lot of this

490
00:23:28.740 --> 00:23:31.340
cause you guys are pretty smart, intelligent people,

491
00:23:31.340 --> 00:23:32.460
good looking guys.

492
00:23:32.460 --> 00:23:34.580
So here's the thing about your profile.

493
00:23:34.580 --> 00:23:38.500
You want to make sure your first photo is a good shot

494
00:23:38.500 --> 00:23:40.100
that we can see you clearly.

495
00:23:40.100 --> 00:23:41.540
Please make sure you're smiling.

496
00:23:41.540 --> 00:23:44.780
Men have this tendency to do mug shots

497
00:23:44.780 --> 00:23:46.260
and you look like you're on death row.

498
00:23:46.260 --> 00:23:47.820
Please do not do that.

499
00:23:47.820 --> 00:23:50.220
Do not take any photos for the love of God

500
00:23:50.740 --> 00:23:52.580
from the bathroom, for the love of God.

501
00:23:52.580 --> 00:23:55.980
Find a friend, a neighbor, the mailman, find somebody.

502
00:23:55.980 --> 00:23:58.260
If you don't know how to prop up your phone,

503
00:23:58.260 --> 00:24:00.660
flip it around so you can take a photo,

504
00:24:00.660 --> 00:24:03.900
get somebody in your life to take that dang photo for you.

505
00:24:03.900 --> 00:24:05.500
It looks so creepy.

506
00:24:05.500 --> 00:24:06.500
And for that record,

507
00:24:06.500 --> 00:24:08.300
you guys don't do the car photo either.

508
00:24:08.300 --> 00:24:10.540
If you think the car photo is a better option

509
00:24:10.540 --> 00:24:13.620
than the bathroom photo, it's really not.

510
00:24:13.620 --> 00:24:16.820
I would rather you go out with a bunch of your guy friends

511
00:24:16.820 --> 00:24:17.820
and take some photos.

512
00:24:17.820 --> 00:24:19.060
You're like, I have no good photos.

513
00:24:19.060 --> 00:24:20.580
Well, then take photos.

514
00:24:20.580 --> 00:24:22.060
Say to your buddies, like, hey, you guys,

515
00:24:22.060 --> 00:24:23.460
I gotta do my profile thing.

516
00:24:23.460 --> 00:24:25.260
Let's, can we just go out?

517
00:24:25.260 --> 00:24:26.580
We're gonna go bowling.

518
00:24:26.580 --> 00:24:29.060
Whatever you like to do, fishing, bowling,

519
00:24:29.060 --> 00:24:32.220
like have a few shots, you doing what you love to do.

520
00:24:32.220 --> 00:24:34.820
Now, please do not include yourself in a photo

521
00:24:34.820 --> 00:24:36.860
that's this big with seven guys,

522
00:24:36.860 --> 00:24:38.860
especially if you're all wearing baseball hats.

523
00:24:38.860 --> 00:24:41.460
And we cannot tell you apart from the other guy.

524
00:24:41.460 --> 00:24:42.700
The best is when we're like,

525
00:24:42.700 --> 00:24:45.180
I don't even know which one you are.

526
00:24:45.180 --> 00:24:46.940
The other thing that men tend to do

527
00:24:46.940 --> 00:24:48.860
is you tend to wear baseball hats a lot

528
00:24:49.660 --> 00:24:50.500
and sunglasses a lot.

529
00:24:50.500 --> 00:24:53.860
And so Jackie would encourage the women to have like,

530
00:24:53.860 --> 00:24:56.860
now I wear hats because I wear cute hats,

531
00:24:56.860 --> 00:24:58.060
but I don't wear baseball hats.

532
00:24:58.060 --> 00:25:00.060
One cute baseball hat, I'd be down.

533
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:05.080
with that. But otherwise, if you've got your ball in this, own your ball in this, just

534
00:25:05.080 --> 00:25:11.120
let it go. Take the sunglasses off. Make sure you're kind of dressed nice in one photo.

535
00:25:11.120 --> 00:25:16.400
Make sure you're casual in some photos, but make sure you include fun photos. Jackie would

536
00:25:16.400 --> 00:25:22.280
say that however many pictures that you're allowed to put up, or videos, or ticklers,

537
00:25:22.280 --> 00:25:27.720
do it. If they let you do an audio, do an audio. A lot of times I have been more, not

538
00:25:27.720 --> 00:25:31.760
turned on, that's not the right word, I've been more intrigued by listening to somebody's

539
00:25:31.760 --> 00:25:35.720
voice. And if you're like, oh, but I don't like the sound of my voice, I'm a total redneck.

540
00:25:35.720 --> 00:25:39.720
Well, she's going to find your voice at some point, you might as well just own up to it.

541
00:25:39.720 --> 00:25:44.040
And so, but I've listened to some men who actually look like a little too hillbilly

542
00:25:44.040 --> 00:25:48.240
for me, but then I've listened to their voice and I'm like, all right, you know, Joe's got

543
00:25:48.240 --> 00:25:52.440
some game. Like he sounds a little bit more articulate than I thought he would. Like,

544
00:25:53.440 --> 00:25:58.800
I might give you a shot. And so if they allow for a voiceover, do that. If they allow for

545
00:25:58.800 --> 00:26:05.000
a video, do that. If they allow for five photos, fill the five photos. Your bio, keep your

546
00:26:05.000 --> 00:26:11.000
bio brief and simple. Don't vomit your faith, but don't be afraid to talk about your faith.

547
00:26:11.000 --> 00:26:18.480
Like, let me give you an example of like what mine says, something like, you know, I was

548
00:26:18.480 --> 00:26:22.920
in corporate America. Then I was in full-time church ministry, ran a nonprofit, and now

549
00:26:22.920 --> 00:26:30.520
I'm a full-time consultant. I want to be around somebody who cares about growing their mind.

550
00:26:30.520 --> 00:26:37.140
In parentheses, therapy. Spirit, my body, working out and eating healthy, spirit, close

551
00:26:37.140 --> 00:26:43.060
relationship with Jesus Christ. I love to volunteer. I love community theater and college

552
00:26:43.060 --> 00:26:48.580
sports and doing and trying anything athletic once. And I love to cook and have dinner with

553
00:26:48.580 --> 00:26:55.980
friends. Boom. You know a lot about me in like five sentences, but you don't know, like

554
00:26:55.980 --> 00:27:00.740
I ran a company, I've written a book, I'm in seminary, because some of that information

555
00:27:00.740 --> 00:27:06.620
is just too much for the bio. You just want to share enough information about yourself

556
00:27:06.620 --> 00:27:11.120
without sharing too much information about yourself. And don't waste any of your typing

557
00:27:11.120 --> 00:27:18.400
space on, I hate online dating. This is uncomfortable. Don't be a scammer. Don't tell us what you

558
00:27:18.400 --> 00:27:23.720
don't want. I don't want a scammer. I don't, my favorite, our favorite anti-guy line that

559
00:27:23.720 --> 00:27:29.460
we hate the most that guys do, I don't want drama. I don't know anybody on the planet

560
00:27:29.460 --> 00:27:34.360
that wants drama. And nine out of 10 times when a dude tells me he doesn't want drama,

561
00:27:34.360 --> 00:27:39.960
he is the drama. Like he is the reason why there's drama. And so when girls say that,

562
00:27:39.960 --> 00:27:44.400
they are the reason there is drama. Nobody wants drama. Like, so don't waste your breath

563
00:27:44.400 --> 00:27:50.680
on that. Um, and just, you know, and if you're, you know, I think I put, um, I'm interested

564
00:27:50.680 --> 00:27:54.800
in meeting people in real life. Like I'm here to date in real life. I think I have put that

565
00:27:54.800 --> 00:28:00.240
in there too. Not looking for pen pals, looking to date in real life. And so that's what you

566
00:28:00.240 --> 00:28:04.560
want to put in your photos. Are there any questions you guys have about that? By the

567
00:28:04.560 --> 00:28:10.040
way, women do this in phase two all the time. And you men should feel free to do this. If

568
00:28:10.040 --> 00:28:15.400
you want, if you're giving me permission, I technically now have access to your page.

569
00:28:15.400 --> 00:28:20.000
Sorry. I do. That's how I'm helping post stuff because we're supposed to help Jackie and

570
00:28:20.000 --> 00:28:24.360
David when they're not around or they're busy or there's trauma. I can't help if I can't

571
00:28:24.360 --> 00:28:28.920
get into the page. But if you say, Hey Renee, will you take a look at my profile? We will

572
00:28:28.920 --> 00:28:33.920
be happy to critique the photos, tweak them a little bit and tweak your bio. A lot of

573
00:28:33.920 --> 00:28:39.520
times we tell the women to, um, bump up the exposure because there's too much shadow

574
00:28:39.520 --> 00:28:45.240
on their face. Um, I always tell the ladies to look at the light. So that's how I look

575
00:28:45.240 --> 00:28:49.480
so young, Mike, as I'm looking at you with the light, the light is shining on there.

576
00:28:49.480 --> 00:28:53.520
And so like when you start to do like, look how dark and kind of almost creepy Hunter

577
00:28:53.520 --> 00:28:57.920
looks in the car. Like, right. Cause he can kind of look, he's a, it's very good looking

578
00:28:57.920 --> 00:29:01.740
men, but like, because the light's a little bit behind them, see how once the light gets

579
00:29:01.740 --> 00:29:06.040
behind me, how you kind of lose me. And so you always just want to make sure you're facing

580
00:29:06.040 --> 00:29:11.580
the light. Also care about your surroundings. If you've noticed, I've got this, but I got

581
00:29:11.580 --> 00:29:16.620
to take you to the road. Well, I know. Well, I'm with you under, you keep doing your thing.

582
00:29:16.620 --> 00:29:22.700
So any questions at all about your profile photos and what to put in there and we can

583
00:29:22.700 --> 00:29:28.060
move it on to the next thing. What's your question, Hunter? Now he raises his hand.

584
00:29:28.060 --> 00:29:34.020
I don't think it'd be smart to have a photo of me holding one of my swords, right? Holding

585
00:29:34.020 --> 00:29:45.820
a weapon. No, no, no way. Would you want to mention, I will say this, unless you are like

586
00:29:45.820 --> 00:29:50.540
a first amendment junkie and you like your guns and you're going to show, I will say

587
00:29:50.540 --> 00:29:57.220
this. I'm okay. If men show pictures of too many, if they show me pictures of their motorcycle,

588
00:29:57.220 --> 00:30:00.020
I don't ride motorcycles and I won't, I don't want.

589
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.520
I get on one, they scare the crap out of me.

590
00:30:02.520 --> 00:30:04.840
And I would hate to be with a guy

591
00:30:04.840 --> 00:30:06.640
who wants me to get on a bike.

592
00:30:06.640 --> 00:30:08.720
Unless it's like 30 miles an hour or less,

593
00:30:08.720 --> 00:30:10.520
I'm not getting on that dang bike with you.

594
00:30:10.520 --> 00:30:12.040
I'm just not.

595
00:30:12.040 --> 00:30:15.440
Like for me, I would rather see that you are a hunter,

596
00:30:15.440 --> 00:30:17.140
a fisher, or a biker.

597
00:30:17.140 --> 00:30:20.280
Because if that's not me, and that's what you want,

598
00:30:20.280 --> 00:30:22.440
then show me that and let me swipe left

599
00:30:22.440 --> 00:30:24.780
because I'm not your gal.

600
00:30:24.780 --> 00:30:26.840
Like I don't want to go hunting and fishing

601
00:30:26.840 --> 00:30:28.480
and motorcycling with you.

602
00:30:28.480 --> 00:30:29.900
That's just not me, right?

603
00:30:29.900 --> 00:30:33.020
So if you have a thing you love doing,

604
00:30:33.020 --> 00:30:35.820
put it in your picture because you want to find the girl

605
00:30:35.820 --> 00:30:38.900
who loves doing that too, right?

606
00:30:38.900 --> 00:30:40.220
Okay.

607
00:30:40.220 --> 00:30:41.060
I already talked about-

608
00:30:41.060 --> 00:30:43.020
Would you want to put your age?

609
00:30:43.020 --> 00:30:44.460
Well, some sites are,

610
00:30:44.460 --> 00:30:46.300
a lot of them already have my age in there.

611
00:30:46.300 --> 00:30:48.220
Like Facebook has my age.

612
00:30:48.220 --> 00:30:51.100
I'm pretty sure Bumble and Hinge have my age.

613
00:30:51.100 --> 00:30:55.580
And you guys, do not lie about your height or your age.

614
00:30:55.580 --> 00:30:56.420
Do not lie.

615
00:30:56.420 --> 00:30:58.980
Like for some reason, women are really peeved

616
00:30:58.980 --> 00:31:00.980
when men lie about either one of those.

617
00:31:00.980 --> 00:31:02.140
Me, I'm 4'11".

618
00:31:02.140 --> 00:31:04.700
So if you say you're 5'6", and you're really only 5'5",

619
00:31:04.700 --> 00:31:05.740
I won't care.

620
00:31:05.740 --> 00:31:07.100
But apparently for women,

621
00:31:07.100 --> 00:31:10.260
lying about your height's a big stinking deal.

622
00:31:10.260 --> 00:31:12.340
Just like you wouldn't want us to lie about our weight,

623
00:31:12.340 --> 00:31:13.380
I guess is the idea.

624
00:31:13.380 --> 00:31:17.540
Like, also don't put up photos that are 10 years old.

625
00:31:17.540 --> 00:31:19.560
No photos that are older than two years.

626
00:31:19.560 --> 00:31:20.820
Two years is your max.

627
00:31:20.820 --> 00:31:22.100
Two years, right?

628
00:31:22.100 --> 00:31:25.220
So like, obviously I've been a part of this community

629
00:31:25.220 --> 00:31:27.620
for four years, three years?

630
00:31:27.620 --> 00:31:28.460
Three years.

631
00:31:28.900 --> 00:31:31.260
So I already need to refresh my photos, right?

632
00:31:31.260 --> 00:31:32.420
Cause I'm at the three year mark.

633
00:31:32.420 --> 00:31:34.660
Like some of them, I think, I mean, I want to say,

634
00:31:34.660 --> 00:31:36.380
oh, I totally still look like that.

635
00:31:36.380 --> 00:31:38.180
I might, I mean, I don't know.

636
00:31:38.180 --> 00:31:40.700
And obviously if you're thinner or heavier,

637
00:31:40.700 --> 00:31:43.340
you want to show your most recent photos.

638
00:31:43.340 --> 00:31:44.900
I don't know why men, and I don't know,

639
00:31:44.900 --> 00:31:47.100
maybe you could tell me that women do the same thing.

640
00:31:47.100 --> 00:31:49.460
I see their army picture from 20 years ago,

641
00:31:49.460 --> 00:31:50.380
their high school picture.

642
00:31:50.380 --> 00:31:51.260
I don't really care.

643
00:31:51.260 --> 00:31:52.860
Like that means nothing to me.

644
00:31:52.860 --> 00:31:55.340
I can't tell you how many times I've shown up on a video

645
00:31:55.340 --> 00:31:57.500
with a guy and he looks nothing like his photos.

646
00:31:57.580 --> 00:32:01.180
He's not a scammer, it's just that the photos are so old.

647
00:32:01.180 --> 00:32:05.620
And I'm like, eh, so tell me a little bit.

648
00:32:05.620 --> 00:32:08.900
Okay, so as, so that's what to put in your profile,

649
00:32:08.900 --> 00:32:10.860
what you should be looking for.

650
00:32:12.420 --> 00:32:13.620
You want to look for a girl

651
00:32:13.620 --> 00:32:15.580
who is showing you all those photos.

652
00:32:15.580 --> 00:32:18.580
And so Mike, I don't want you repulsed by the girl.

653
00:32:18.580 --> 00:32:23.580
If you're just like, like, no, like don't.

654
00:32:23.900 --> 00:32:26.060
But if you're like, here's the,

655
00:32:26.060 --> 00:32:28.380
here's what I want you to give a chance on.

656
00:32:28.380 --> 00:32:32.060
Like, there might be guys that are 5'10",

657
00:32:32.060 --> 00:32:35.620
that like the last guy that I just dated, he was 6'2".

658
00:32:35.620 --> 00:32:39.620
And he would normally never date a girl 4'11", my height.

659
00:32:39.620 --> 00:32:40.780
But he was so glad he did,

660
00:32:40.780 --> 00:32:42.580
because that didn't end up being at all

661
00:32:42.580 --> 00:32:45.100
the reason why, that we had any issues.

662
00:32:45.100 --> 00:32:46.900
Like the height was not even an issue.

663
00:32:46.900 --> 00:32:50.460
So I would say, try not to let height be an issue.

664
00:32:50.460 --> 00:32:53.740
If you normally like short hair and she's got long hair,

665
00:32:53.740 --> 00:32:56.620
if you normally like dark hair and she's a little blonder,

666
00:32:56.620 --> 00:32:58.100
girls can color our hair.

667
00:32:58.100 --> 00:32:59.340
Like we can color it.

668
00:32:59.340 --> 00:33:01.220
So you like blonde, we can make it blonde.

669
00:33:01.220 --> 00:33:03.260
You like red, we can make it red.

670
00:33:03.260 --> 00:33:05.220
She got gray, we can color the gray.

671
00:33:05.220 --> 00:33:07.180
So if you don't like her hair color

672
00:33:07.180 --> 00:33:08.420
and she falls in love with you

673
00:33:08.420 --> 00:33:10.620
and you fall in love with her, I promise you,

674
00:33:10.620 --> 00:33:13.780
she will go get some, she will go get some root job done.

675
00:33:13.780 --> 00:33:16.540
And now some are diehards and may not want to,

676
00:33:16.540 --> 00:33:18.700
but I'm saying, you know, if you don't,

677
00:33:18.700 --> 00:33:20.860
if you think she wears a little too much makeup,

678
00:33:20.860 --> 00:33:22.540
you can help her, you can tell her like,

679
00:33:22.540 --> 00:33:23.420
oh my gosh, you look amazing.

680
00:33:24.100 --> 00:33:25.020
You don't need to put all that makeup on.

681
00:33:25.020 --> 00:33:26.940
You know, I like you just the way you are, more natural.

682
00:33:26.940 --> 00:33:28.180
And then she'll feel confident

683
00:33:28.180 --> 00:33:31.100
to start dropping the makeup thing.

684
00:33:31.100 --> 00:33:35.060
If she like has like way long nails,

685
00:33:35.060 --> 00:33:36.300
but you don't like long nails.

686
00:33:36.300 --> 00:33:37.140
So, you know what I mean?

687
00:33:37.140 --> 00:33:39.660
So there's some things that you can work with

688
00:33:39.660 --> 00:33:42.700
that I want you to be able to work with.

689
00:33:42.700 --> 00:33:43.540
Absolutely.

690
00:33:43.540 --> 00:33:44.660
But there's, there's certain things

691
00:33:44.660 --> 00:33:45.940
that just are not possible.

692
00:33:45.940 --> 00:33:48.140
A hundred percent, a hundred percent.

693
00:33:48.140 --> 00:33:51.980
No, I mean, all those things that you mentioned are like.

694
00:33:51.980 --> 00:33:53.500
They're all things you can work with.

695
00:33:53.500 --> 00:33:55.940
Inconsequential really, right?

696
00:33:55.940 --> 00:33:59.100
You know, so no, I didn't want to sound petty,

697
00:33:59.100 --> 00:34:01.260
but it's like, man, if I just,

698
00:34:01.260 --> 00:34:03.900
if I'm having to force myself to do something,

699
00:34:03.900 --> 00:34:05.700
it's not even a stretch.

700
00:34:05.700 --> 00:34:08.219
It's a, you know, and so.

701
00:34:08.219 --> 00:34:10.020
And usually what Jackie will say is

702
00:34:10.020 --> 00:34:13.060
if there's enough there, give them a chance.

703
00:34:13.060 --> 00:34:15.179
So she always says it's a yes until it's a no.

704
00:34:15.179 --> 00:34:18.300
So she'll say, did you have a good time with him?

705
00:34:18.300 --> 00:34:20.900
Did he have a lot of the things, did you guys,

706
00:34:20.900 --> 00:34:23.139
so you, this is what you're looking for, Mike.

707
00:34:23.139 --> 00:34:25.100
Do you have a lot of the same interests?

708
00:34:25.100 --> 00:34:26.540
Do you have the same faith?

709
00:34:27.460 --> 00:34:30.300
Do you live in the same area?

710
00:34:30.300 --> 00:34:31.260
Do you, you know what I'm saying?

711
00:34:31.260 --> 00:34:32.900
Do you have the same belief system?

712
00:34:32.900 --> 00:34:34.340
Do you have the same goals?

713
00:34:34.340 --> 00:34:36.780
If all of those things are there

714
00:34:36.780 --> 00:34:39.260
and you're just not sure about the looks,

715
00:34:39.260 --> 00:34:41.340
she would say, give it a chance.

716
00:34:41.340 --> 00:34:44.580
But if all of those other things aren't there,

717
00:34:45.780 --> 00:34:47.380
then it's not worth it anyway.

718
00:34:47.380 --> 00:34:48.300
Do you know what I'm saying?

719
00:34:48.300 --> 00:34:50.100
And so it's like, you have to have enough

720
00:34:50.139 --> 00:34:51.340
of those other things there.

721
00:34:51.340 --> 00:34:55.060
Like, oh, cause this is what Jackie will say is,

722
00:34:55.060 --> 00:34:57.139
well, this guy checks off all the box

723
00:34:57.139 --> 00:34:59.580
except I'm not physically attracted to him.

724
00:34:59.580 --> 00:35:00.420
She'll say.

725
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:02.540
give it at least three dates.

726
00:35:02.540 --> 00:35:03.960
And in those three dates,

727
00:35:03.960 --> 00:35:06.600
have him pick something he loves to do

728
00:35:06.600 --> 00:35:09.320
so that his best self gets to shine through.

729
00:35:09.320 --> 00:35:11.160
And if at the end of those three dates,

730
00:35:11.160 --> 00:35:13.160
if you still feel nothing,

731
00:35:13.160 --> 00:35:17.160
then you can decide to, you know, kind of end it.

732
00:35:17.160 --> 00:35:20.440
And it's not leading them on, it's dating.

733
00:35:20.440 --> 00:35:21.480
That's what dating is.

734
00:35:21.480 --> 00:35:22.620
It's discovery dating.

735
00:35:22.620 --> 00:35:25.780
Remember level two dating is discovery dating.

736
00:35:25.780 --> 00:35:28.640
I think Jackie and David already did dating 101

737
00:35:28.640 --> 00:35:29.720
with you guys,

738
00:35:29.720 --> 00:35:32.480
where she talked about the different levels of dating.

739
00:35:32.480 --> 00:35:34.000
And so in discovery dating,

740
00:35:34.000 --> 00:35:35.400
you're just getting to know people.

741
00:35:35.400 --> 00:35:38.000
You're not needing sparks of flying.

742
00:35:38.000 --> 00:35:38.840
Cause she would say,

743
00:35:38.840 --> 00:35:40.560
if sparks are flying in the first few dates,

744
00:35:40.560 --> 00:35:43.640
that's usually your trauma attaching to their trauma.

745
00:35:43.640 --> 00:35:45.280
Every therapist will tell you that too.

746
00:35:45.280 --> 00:35:47.720
So when you feel like you want to have sex across the table

747
00:35:47.720 --> 00:35:49.260
with somebody on the first date,

748
00:35:49.260 --> 00:35:53.120
it is not healthy connection that you're having typically.

749
00:35:53.120 --> 00:35:55.400
It is your own health matching their own health.

750
00:35:55.400 --> 00:35:57.960
And you can't even tell, like I'm the codependent.

751
00:35:58.000 --> 00:36:00.560
I will spot the addict or the narcissist

752
00:36:00.560 --> 00:36:02.160
in a room every time.

753
00:36:02.160 --> 00:36:03.400
Like, it's just like.

754
00:36:05.200 --> 00:36:07.960
And they're getting really good at it, you guys.

755
00:36:07.960 --> 00:36:11.560
I thought for sure I could spot a narcissist,

756
00:36:11.560 --> 00:36:16.480
but there are so many variations of that now

757
00:36:16.480 --> 00:36:18.640
that you really have to get to know people

758
00:36:18.640 --> 00:36:20.920
and see that kind of reveal itself.

759
00:36:20.920 --> 00:36:22.580
Okay.

760
00:36:22.580 --> 00:36:24.240
So here's, I want to talk to you a little bit

761
00:36:24.240 --> 00:36:26.560
about getting you to dates quickly.

762
00:36:26.560 --> 00:36:28.480
Because a lot of times girls will go,

763
00:36:28.480 --> 00:36:30.640
I don't know what to think of this guy.

764
00:36:30.640 --> 00:36:32.720
And we're like, how long are you on dates yet?

765
00:36:32.720 --> 00:36:33.840
No, we're just texting.

766
00:36:33.840 --> 00:36:34.960
How long have you been texting?

767
00:36:34.960 --> 00:36:35.800
Three weeks.

768
00:36:35.800 --> 00:36:37.140
I'm like, heck to the no.

769
00:36:37.140 --> 00:36:41.040
So Jackie and I have a less than one week time belt

770
00:36:41.040 --> 00:36:42.720
on texting.

771
00:36:42.720 --> 00:36:46.520
We kind of feel like three or four texting conversations

772
00:36:46.520 --> 00:36:49.060
back and forth, and then we nip it in the bud.

773
00:36:49.060 --> 00:36:50.320
As a woman, I would just say,

774
00:36:50.320 --> 00:36:51.640
hey, those are great questions.

775
00:36:51.640 --> 00:36:54.840
I just feel like texting is a clunky way to do it.

776
00:36:55.280 --> 00:36:57.080
I'm a visual and verbal learner.

777
00:36:57.080 --> 00:36:59.760
So I would much rather see you the first time.

778
00:36:59.760 --> 00:37:00.600
Oh, great.

779
00:37:00.600 --> 00:37:01.580
Can we talk on the phone?

780
00:37:01.580 --> 00:37:03.520
No, I actually don't exchange numbers.

781
00:37:03.520 --> 00:37:06.640
My preference is a video chat for the first time.

782
00:37:06.640 --> 00:37:09.360
I think it's a really good way to see body language

783
00:37:09.360 --> 00:37:10.800
and get to know somebody.

784
00:37:10.800 --> 00:37:12.540
And then if we both feel comfortable at that,

785
00:37:12.540 --> 00:37:14.760
after that, we can exchange phone numbers.

786
00:37:14.760 --> 00:37:15.600
That's usually-

787
00:37:15.600 --> 00:37:16.440
So you say about a week?

788
00:37:16.440 --> 00:37:17.280
About a week?

789
00:37:17.280 --> 00:37:18.920
I say about a week in the texting.

790
00:37:18.920 --> 00:37:21.880
Now, of course, if one person's out of town and somebody,

791
00:37:21.880 --> 00:37:23.480
like there's been times guys have reached me.

792
00:37:23.480 --> 00:37:25.160
I'm like, I'm literally about to leave

793
00:37:25.160 --> 00:37:26.520
on a mission trip tomorrow.

794
00:37:26.520 --> 00:37:28.080
I will be back in 10 days.

795
00:37:28.080 --> 00:37:28.920
That's different.

796
00:37:28.920 --> 00:37:31.360
Like I'm about to leave for vacation.

797
00:37:31.360 --> 00:37:32.320
That's different.

798
00:37:32.320 --> 00:37:35.260
But ideally in texting, I call it,

799
00:37:35.260 --> 00:37:37.800
all you're trying to get across is what's in your resume.

800
00:37:37.800 --> 00:37:39.320
And I don't want you to vomit your resume

801
00:37:39.320 --> 00:37:40.140
because that's boring.

802
00:37:40.140 --> 00:37:40.980
But you know what I'm saying?

803
00:37:40.980 --> 00:37:42.440
The information about yourself

804
00:37:42.440 --> 00:37:44.400
that you don't care if anybody knows.

805
00:37:44.400 --> 00:37:45.600
Like I don't care to tell,

806
00:37:45.600 --> 00:37:47.640
like I'm fine saying to folks,

807
00:37:47.640 --> 00:37:51.120
I grew up in a big Italian home in the Northeast.

808
00:37:51.120 --> 00:37:52.660
I moved out West.

809
00:37:53.520 --> 00:37:57.100
You know, I was a really smart kid, turned cheerleader.

810
00:37:57.100 --> 00:38:00.180
I went to college for engineering and finance.

811
00:38:00.180 --> 00:38:04.520
And I've worked in both the corporate and nonprofit sectors.

812
00:38:04.520 --> 00:38:06.120
I'm one of four kids.

813
00:38:06.120 --> 00:38:07.120
I love to cook.

814
00:38:07.120 --> 00:38:08.440
I love outdoor sports.

815
00:38:08.440 --> 00:38:09.960
Those are all things I'm willing to tell

816
00:38:09.960 --> 00:38:11.760
the entire world about me.

817
00:38:11.760 --> 00:38:14.280
That's the stuff you exchange on a text.

818
00:38:14.280 --> 00:38:15.120
You don't like,

819
00:38:15.120 --> 00:38:18.080
and we are really working hard with these ladies

820
00:38:18.160 --> 00:38:22.320
to not be too pushy about learning about exes,

821
00:38:22.320 --> 00:38:25.760
their faith and how they stand on sex before marriage

822
00:38:25.760 --> 00:38:26.600
in the texting.

823
00:38:26.600 --> 00:38:28.600
None of that is appropriate.

824
00:38:28.600 --> 00:38:31.960
And so when women badger you about that information,

825
00:38:31.960 --> 00:38:35.320
your standing line is that's a great question.

826
00:38:35.320 --> 00:38:38.440
One that I will answer once we get to face-to-face,

827
00:38:38.440 --> 00:38:40.040
if we get to face-to-face.

828
00:38:40.040 --> 00:38:42.000
Like that's just too personal of a question.

829
00:38:42.000 --> 00:38:44.040
Like let's just hold off on that.

830
00:38:44.040 --> 00:38:45.200
But that's a great question,

831
00:38:45.200 --> 00:38:47.600
just not appropriate for right now.

832
00:38:48.280 --> 00:38:51.480
So how, what are good ways to start off on a text?

833
00:38:51.480 --> 00:38:53.000
Like this thing you match with somebody, right?

834
00:38:53.000 --> 00:38:55.520
What are your favorite questions to be asked

835
00:38:55.520 --> 00:38:57.080
that get you engaged?

836
00:38:57.080 --> 00:38:59.040
Say something about my profile.

837
00:38:59.040 --> 00:39:00.600
I saw that you love cheerleading.

838
00:39:00.600 --> 00:39:02.280
I saw that you love to go hiking.

839
00:39:02.280 --> 00:39:03.720
I love to go hiking.

840
00:39:03.720 --> 00:39:06.880
It lets me know that you actually read my profile.

841
00:39:06.880 --> 00:39:09.640
So, oh my gosh, I love that picture of you

842
00:39:09.640 --> 00:39:11.760
that looked like the Sea of Galilee.

843
00:39:11.760 --> 00:39:12.680
Were you in Israel?

844
00:39:12.680 --> 00:39:14.520
I was in Israel.

845
00:39:14.520 --> 00:39:16.560
Yes, I was there too.

846
00:39:16.560 --> 00:39:19.280
So find something either on their photo

847
00:39:19.280 --> 00:39:23.160
that picked your interest or in their bio,

848
00:39:23.160 --> 00:39:25.280
say why it caught your attention,

849
00:39:25.280 --> 00:39:26.680
and hopefully you've picked something

850
00:39:26.680 --> 00:39:28.480
that you share the same interest.

851
00:39:28.480 --> 00:39:30.360
Oh my gosh, you did marathons and triathlons?

852
00:39:30.360 --> 00:39:32.480
I used to do marathons and triathlons too.

853
00:39:32.480 --> 00:39:33.400
That's so cool.

854
00:39:33.400 --> 00:39:34.240
Are you still-

855
00:39:34.240 --> 00:39:35.920
Oh my God, yeah, I know.

856
00:39:35.920 --> 00:39:38.200
Let's look at, now Hunter's just interrupting me

857
00:39:38.200 --> 00:39:39.320
without even muting you.

858
00:39:39.320 --> 00:39:41.640
I'm gonna mute you permanently, Hunter,

859
00:39:41.640 --> 00:39:43.520
if you just keep interrupting me like that.

860
00:39:43.520 --> 00:39:45.720
I'm just saying, look, see, I'm muting you.

861
00:39:47.560 --> 00:39:49.440
Okay, I love Hunter.

862
00:39:49.440 --> 00:39:50.720
Hunter and I have been friends for a while,

863
00:39:50.720 --> 00:39:51.760
so we get to do that.

864
00:39:53.520 --> 00:39:56.000
So that's how, I think to me, that is the best way.

865
00:39:56.000 --> 00:39:57.560
You guys, please, for the love of God,

866
00:39:57.560 --> 00:39:59.840
don't say good morning, hello, how are you?

867
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.880
Because a lot of times, we're like, oh, we're good.

868
00:40:02.880 --> 00:40:04.120
Like, that's all you're going to get back.

869
00:40:04.120 --> 00:40:04.960
Oh, I'm good.

870
00:40:04.960 --> 00:40:07.080
So now you're forcing her to kind of come up

871
00:40:07.080 --> 00:40:08.360
with the most creative thing.

872
00:40:08.360 --> 00:40:09.560
So just say, you know what?

873
00:40:09.560 --> 00:40:12.520
I really noticed, like, I really enjoy.

874
00:40:12.520 --> 00:40:14.360
Don't say, oh my gosh, you're so pretty.

875
00:40:14.360 --> 00:40:16.560
Because right away, girls love hearing that

876
00:40:16.560 --> 00:40:17.680
and are creeped out by it.

877
00:40:17.680 --> 00:40:19.600
And you never know what you're going to get.

878
00:40:19.600 --> 00:40:21.920
So you can just say, oh my gosh,

879
00:40:21.920 --> 00:40:23.440
I really loved your pictures.

880
00:40:23.440 --> 00:40:26.360
You look like you are a happy person.

881
00:40:26.360 --> 00:40:28.120
That's a really positive thing.

882
00:40:28.160 --> 00:40:30.120
Or you have a great smile.

883
00:40:30.120 --> 00:40:32.040
You have really nice eyes.

884
00:40:32.040 --> 00:40:35.200
Smile, eyes, you look really happy.

885
00:40:35.200 --> 00:40:37.640
You look super outgoing.

886
00:40:37.640 --> 00:40:39.960
You look like you know how to have a lot of fun.

887
00:40:39.960 --> 00:40:41.040
Tell me more.

888
00:40:41.040 --> 00:40:43.840
Or like, what other things interest you?

889
00:40:43.840 --> 00:40:46.000
Now, if you do want to find out a little bit

890
00:40:46.000 --> 00:40:49.080
about the faith, where they stand on their faith

891
00:40:49.080 --> 00:40:52.200
and they don't really get clarity on her bio,

892
00:40:53.280 --> 00:40:55.960
this is how I've encouraged the women to ask this.

893
00:40:55.960 --> 00:40:58.480
I always say, hey, so tell me a little bit

894
00:40:58.480 --> 00:41:01.640
about the things that matter most to you these days

895
00:41:01.640 --> 00:41:03.840
that take up your time and energy.

896
00:41:04.680 --> 00:41:07.560
What matters most to you that take up your time and energy?

897
00:41:07.560 --> 00:41:10.000
And I'll say, I'll go first.

898
00:41:10.000 --> 00:41:12.680
You know, right now I'm working

899
00:41:12.680 --> 00:41:15.120
while I'm going to seminary school.

900
00:41:15.120 --> 00:41:17.560
I love going to local community theater.

901
00:41:17.560 --> 00:41:20.680
I'm very actively working out.

902
00:41:20.680 --> 00:41:23.040
I have a church community that's really important to me.

903
00:41:23.040 --> 00:41:25.000
I'm in a small group.

904
00:41:25.000 --> 00:41:25.920
I love to cook.

905
00:41:25.920 --> 00:41:30.280
So I list my faith as one of a dozen things about me

906
00:41:30.280 --> 00:41:31.240
that are important to me.

907
00:41:31.240 --> 00:41:34.880
So it doesn't sound like I'm just this Jesus girl.

908
00:41:34.880 --> 00:41:37.960
And I wait and see if he takes the bait.

909
00:41:37.960 --> 00:41:41.400
So if he responds with, oh, I love to work out

910
00:41:41.400 --> 00:41:44.040
and my job keeps me busy and I love to travel,

911
00:41:44.040 --> 00:41:47.240
but he mentions nothing about church or his faith,

912
00:41:47.240 --> 00:41:50.600
I just go, hmm, and I make a mental note.

913
00:41:50.600 --> 00:41:53.040
I don't assume and I don't badger yet.

914
00:41:53.040 --> 00:41:54.760
So I keep talking.

915
00:41:54.760 --> 00:41:58.680
And so then as we go along, then I might ask,

916
00:41:58.680 --> 00:42:01.680
so tell me, if you don't mind me asking,

917
00:42:01.680 --> 00:42:04.320
how does faith show up in your everyday life?

918
00:42:05.480 --> 00:42:08.240
How does faith show up in your everyday life?

919
00:42:08.240 --> 00:42:10.040
That is a really good way.

920
00:42:10.040 --> 00:42:12.760
Cause you're not asking them, do you go to church?

921
00:42:12.760 --> 00:42:13.960
Do you watch online?

922
00:42:13.960 --> 00:42:14.980
Do you pray?

923
00:42:14.980 --> 00:42:16.320
I don't care how you were raised.

924
00:42:16.320 --> 00:42:18.320
Cause my favorite is when I ask a question like that

925
00:42:18.320 --> 00:42:20.620
and a guy goes into this whole, like, oh my gosh,

926
00:42:20.620 --> 00:42:22.200
I was raised Methodist and this, I'm like,

927
00:42:22.200 --> 00:42:23.800
then I go, so I wait for them to vomit

928
00:42:23.800 --> 00:42:26.880
all about their childhood and I'll say again,

929
00:42:26.880 --> 00:42:30.600
so tell me how does your faith show up for you today?

930
00:42:31.560 --> 00:42:33.840
Because I don't really care how it showed up for you

931
00:42:33.840 --> 00:42:35.120
when you were 10.

932
00:42:35.120 --> 00:42:37.080
I really care how it showed up for you today.

933
00:42:37.080 --> 00:42:39.760
Now you might say to me, you know what, Renee?

934
00:42:39.760 --> 00:42:41.440
Since COVID or since the divorce,

935
00:42:41.440 --> 00:42:43.840
I've just not felt comfortable going back into a church

936
00:42:43.840 --> 00:42:45.860
and I watch a lot online.

937
00:42:45.860 --> 00:42:48.160
I've listened to a couple of podcasts.

938
00:42:48.160 --> 00:42:49.820
I go to a men's group, but you know,

939
00:42:49.820 --> 00:42:52.240
it's something I really want to do a little bit more of.

940
00:42:52.240 --> 00:42:54.100
I might say, gosh, that's really cool.

941
00:42:54.100 --> 00:42:56.060
And then I would go on to another conversation

942
00:42:56.060 --> 00:42:57.220
and I would leave it be.

943
00:42:57.220 --> 00:42:58.860
I would not drill down.

944
00:43:00.140 --> 00:43:02.780
And this is like something,

945
00:43:02.780 --> 00:43:06.820
so that's the level I might get to in a few text messages,

946
00:43:06.820 --> 00:43:10.900
especially if they want to see me or do a video date,

947
00:43:10.900 --> 00:43:13.380
but I've got no idea anything about them

948
00:43:13.380 --> 00:43:15.580
and their bio was not made clear.

949
00:43:15.580 --> 00:43:18.900
So sometimes I have nipped it in the bud

950
00:43:18.900 --> 00:43:20.940
right on that conversation.

951
00:43:20.940 --> 00:43:23.500
Now, if he's inappropriate or she's inappropriate,

952
00:43:23.500 --> 00:43:26.420
y'all can just bless and block and just delete that crap.

953
00:43:26.420 --> 00:43:27.860
You don't need to explain,

954
00:43:27.860 --> 00:43:30.140
because here's what we try to tell the women.

955
00:43:30.140 --> 00:43:31.960
It is not your job to school them,

956
00:43:31.960 --> 00:43:33.580
teach them, give them advice.

957
00:43:33.580 --> 00:43:34.420
They don't care.

958
00:43:34.420 --> 00:43:35.520
They don't know you.

959
00:43:35.520 --> 00:43:37.280
If they're like, you know what I'm saying?

960
00:43:37.280 --> 00:43:38.380
And so like we think, well,

961
00:43:38.380 --> 00:43:41.000
I need to tell them as a sister or brother in Christ,

962
00:43:41.000 --> 00:43:42.940
I need to warn them how they're behaving.

963
00:43:42.940 --> 00:43:45.260
No, just let it go.

964
00:43:45.260 --> 00:43:46.900
Just move on.

965
00:43:46.900 --> 00:43:48.740
If after a video date,

966
00:43:49.580 --> 00:43:52.340
here's the thing you do when we encourage video dates,

967
00:43:52.340 --> 00:43:55.840
we encourage them for the first one to be one hour.

968
00:43:55.840 --> 00:43:56.980
One hour.

969
00:43:56.980 --> 00:43:58.420
We want you to, yeah.

970
00:43:58.420 --> 00:43:59.820
Oh, Mike's like, oh crap.

971
00:43:59.820 --> 00:44:01.020
Yeah.

972
00:44:01.020 --> 00:44:04.980
I want to give you a reason to ask for another video date

973
00:44:04.980 --> 00:44:06.220
because here's what happens.

974
00:44:06.220 --> 00:44:08.120
The longer the video date,

975
00:44:08.120 --> 00:44:12.020
the more you start sharing too much personal information.

976
00:44:12.020 --> 00:44:13.120
You just do.

977
00:44:13.120 --> 00:44:15.180
Cause you're like, look at Mike.

978
00:44:15.180 --> 00:44:16.580
Mike's so dreamy.

979
00:44:16.580 --> 00:44:18.540
Him and I are connecting.

980
00:44:19.380 --> 00:44:20.220
We got undivided attention.

981
00:44:20.220 --> 00:44:21.060
Like you just start talking

982
00:44:21.060 --> 00:44:22.340
and you just start sharing too much.

983
00:44:22.340 --> 00:44:23.460
And then you have what's called

984
00:44:23.460 --> 00:44:25.060
the emotional hangover the next day.

985
00:44:25.060 --> 00:44:26.380
You're like, oh my gosh,

986
00:44:26.380 --> 00:44:29.020
I just told that woman all my dreams.

987
00:44:29.020 --> 00:44:30.800
The other thing I want you to do is make sure

988
00:44:30.800 --> 00:44:33.380
that you're in what I would call a date setting.

989
00:44:33.380 --> 00:44:35.200
Where would you bring a date back to your house

990
00:44:35.200 --> 00:44:36.780
on the first date?

991
00:44:36.780 --> 00:44:38.740
Like right now, Paul's in the kitchen.

992
00:44:38.740 --> 00:44:40.600
Paul's not going to do his first video date

993
00:44:40.600 --> 00:44:42.300
from the kitchen, is he?

994
00:44:42.300 --> 00:44:43.140
No.

995
00:44:43.140 --> 00:44:43.980
Okay.

996
00:44:43.980 --> 00:44:46.060
Well, hey, this is new to me.

997
00:44:46.620 --> 00:44:50.660
Like Mike's got a cool picture behind him.

998
00:44:50.660 --> 00:44:51.580
Ty's got a cool...

999
00:44:51.580 --> 00:44:56.580
Now my only comment to Ty is that the camera's too low.

1000
00:44:56.780 --> 00:44:59.300
And so I feel like he's kind of looking down at me.

1001
00:44:59.300 --> 00:45:00.140
So you want to...

1002
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.480
prop your computer up.

1003
00:45:02.480 --> 00:45:04.200
And here's the other thing you might wanna do.

1004
00:45:04.200 --> 00:45:06.640
Like I might even be too close to you guys.

1005
00:45:06.640 --> 00:45:09.800
I might do a video day about this far away

1006
00:45:09.800 --> 00:45:12.520
so that you can see that I got a cute necklace on,

1007
00:45:12.520 --> 00:45:14.080
you can see my hair,

1008
00:45:14.080 --> 00:45:15.920
you would be able to see my hand gestures

1009
00:45:15.920 --> 00:45:18.640
because I'm Italian, I talk with my hands.

1010
00:45:18.640 --> 00:45:21.420
And so you would get a little bit more of my personality.

1011
00:45:21.420 --> 00:45:22.960
When the camera's this close,

1012
00:45:22.960 --> 00:45:25.080
it's just kind of creepy, right?

1013
00:45:25.080 --> 00:45:26.300
It just looks a little bit too much.

1014
00:45:26.300 --> 00:45:28.280
I mean, my Italian nose is starting to show.

1015
00:45:28.280 --> 00:45:32.520
Now, if I'm like, Ty, Ty's given you this, Ty, right?

1016
00:45:32.520 --> 00:45:35.200
Like that's kind of also weird, right?

1017
00:45:35.200 --> 00:45:38.060
So, and like I would say the camera's a little,

1018
00:45:38.060 --> 00:45:40.180
even a little low for you, Paul, right?

1019
00:45:40.180 --> 00:45:42.480
So you just wanna grab a couple of books

1020
00:45:42.480 --> 00:45:44.680
and put it up at eye level.

1021
00:45:44.680 --> 00:45:46.600
So it looks like we're sitting across from each other.

1022
00:45:46.600 --> 00:45:47.800
So Mike, you're fine,

1023
00:45:47.800 --> 00:45:50.040
but you can even back up the camera a little bit more

1024
00:45:50.040 --> 00:45:50.880
if you wanted to,

1025
00:45:50.880 --> 00:45:53.640
just so we could see a little bit more of you.

1026
00:45:53.640 --> 00:45:55.240
Otherwise you guys look fabulous.

1027
00:45:55.240 --> 00:45:57.760
So this is the kind of feedback I give for the video

1028
00:45:58.280 --> 00:46:00.480
is keep the first video to an hour,

1029
00:46:00.480 --> 00:46:02.880
try to get to know her, have some fun, silly questions.

1030
00:46:02.880 --> 00:46:05.700
You guys have seen me do single spotlight a million times,

1031
00:46:05.700 --> 00:46:06.920
ask fun questions.

1032
00:46:06.920 --> 00:46:08.560
Like, hey, if you're going to,

1033
00:46:08.560 --> 00:46:10.280
like, I've got some fun questions to ask you.

1034
00:46:10.280 --> 00:46:12.880
If you were going to a potluck, what's your go-to meal?

1035
00:46:12.880 --> 00:46:15.560
What was your favorite subject in high school and why?

1036
00:46:15.560 --> 00:46:17.320
Did you play, I'm a big fan.

1037
00:46:17.320 --> 00:46:20.360
This is like one of my interview questions too.

1038
00:46:20.360 --> 00:46:25.160
Did you play on a sport or any kind of club in high school?

1039
00:46:25.160 --> 00:46:26.480
And what was it?

1040
00:46:26.480 --> 00:46:29.360
Because I have found, especially if they are single,

1041
00:46:29.360 --> 00:46:30.900
they're only children.

1042
00:46:30.900 --> 00:46:34.120
If they're only children and they were never on a sport,

1043
00:46:34.120 --> 00:46:35.920
they don't know how to share.

1044
00:46:35.920 --> 00:46:38.120
Like that's sort of, they don't know how to share.

1045
00:46:38.120 --> 00:46:41.080
They have no siblings and they've never been on a sport

1046
00:46:41.080 --> 00:46:42.680
or a team or worked in a group.

1047
00:46:42.680 --> 00:46:44.320
They have no idea how to share.

1048
00:46:44.320 --> 00:46:46.700
And so I just make note of that.

1049
00:46:47.640 --> 00:46:52.640
No, that's important because I've been.

1050
00:46:53.080 --> 00:46:54.840
Hey, I've only got 10% left.

1051
00:46:54.840 --> 00:46:56.440
I got to go grab my power cord.

1052
00:46:58.440 --> 00:47:00.680
So I want you to be thinking of your hardest questions

1053
00:47:00.680 --> 00:47:02.960
to ask me or scenarios

1054
00:47:02.960 --> 00:47:06.260
because I want to make the last 15 minutes super fun.

1055
00:47:06.260 --> 00:47:10.080
Cause I feel like, well, actually I do want to give you

1056
00:47:10.080 --> 00:47:12.840
tidbits how to get from the video to a date,

1057
00:47:12.840 --> 00:47:14.920
how to tell her you want to go out on a date again

1058
00:47:14.920 --> 00:47:17.520
and how you want to dump her if you need to dump her.

1059
00:47:18.400 --> 00:47:19.640
Dump her nicely though.

1060
00:47:19.640 --> 00:47:20.480
Dump her nicely.

1061
00:47:20.480 --> 00:47:21.820
Dump her nicely.

1062
00:47:25.400 --> 00:47:27.440
Ty, I really like the bridges behind you.

1063
00:47:27.440 --> 00:47:28.360
That's super cool.

1064
00:47:28.360 --> 00:47:29.680
It's a super cool montage.

1065
00:47:29.680 --> 00:47:30.640
Is it montage?

1066
00:47:30.640 --> 00:47:31.640
Would that be that?

1067
00:47:35.200 --> 00:47:36.760
Yeah, it's a, I don't know.

1068
00:47:36.760 --> 00:47:38.560
I got it from my brother.

1069
00:47:38.560 --> 00:47:39.880
It's got bridges and buildings.

1070
00:47:39.880 --> 00:47:42.180
I wish it kind of had a couple more buildings.

1071
00:47:43.800 --> 00:47:44.640
Okay.

1072
00:47:44.640 --> 00:47:45.460
Thank you.

1073
00:47:45.460 --> 00:47:46.300
It's pretty neat.

1074
00:47:46.300 --> 00:47:47.120
Thank you very much.

1075
00:47:47.120 --> 00:47:49.120
If you guys are local to her,

1076
00:47:49.120 --> 00:47:51.320
I would not do more than two video dates

1077
00:47:51.320 --> 00:47:53.200
before you book that live date.

1078
00:47:53.200 --> 00:47:54.480
Even long distance,

1079
00:47:54.480 --> 00:47:56.600
Jackie doesn't like more than six weeks

1080
00:47:56.600 --> 00:47:58.400
or six long video dates

1081
00:47:58.400 --> 00:48:00.960
before you're talking about booking a visit.

1082
00:48:00.960 --> 00:48:03.440
Because the problem is you can get

1083
00:48:03.440 --> 00:48:06.360
into this whole digital romance thing going on.

1084
00:48:06.360 --> 00:48:09.440
And if you don't actually see each other in person,

1085
00:48:09.440 --> 00:48:13.200
you can get this fake sense of intimacy.

1086
00:48:13.200 --> 00:48:14.640
And let's face it, you guys,

1087
00:48:14.640 --> 00:48:17.000
an online date is not a normal date.

1088
00:48:17.000 --> 00:48:18.720
You and I are staring at each other,

1089
00:48:19.240 --> 00:48:21.080
giving each other our undivided attention.

1090
00:48:21.080 --> 00:48:24.000
That is not the way a date and life actually works.

1091
00:48:24.000 --> 00:48:27.040
On a date, you're dealing with other people in the crowd,

1092
00:48:27.040 --> 00:48:29.600
the wait staff, all the things, right?

1093
00:48:29.600 --> 00:48:30.640
Traffic.

1094
00:48:30.640 --> 00:48:33.080
And so as quickly as possible,

1095
00:48:33.080 --> 00:48:36.420
you wanna see what this person is like in real life.

1096
00:48:36.420 --> 00:48:38.040
You wanna see them in real life.

1097
00:48:38.040 --> 00:48:40.800
So get as quickly as possible.

1098
00:48:40.800 --> 00:48:41.640
You can say, hey, you know,

1099
00:48:41.640 --> 00:48:44.520
I enjoyed talking to you on this video chat.

1100
00:48:44.520 --> 00:48:47.600
Would you be up for a hike, a walk?

1101
00:48:47.600 --> 00:48:50.480
Grab a coffee, walk through your cute town.

1102
00:48:50.480 --> 00:48:53.560
Go putt-putt, go bowling.

1103
00:48:53.560 --> 00:48:56.240
Pick something to do where you can be moving

1104
00:48:56.240 --> 00:48:57.720
and talking at the same time

1105
00:48:57.720 --> 00:48:59.400
so you're not just staring at each other.

1106
00:48:59.400 --> 00:49:02.720
I'm definitely a queen of coffee dates.

1107
00:49:02.720 --> 00:49:06.400
And I know Jackie abhors coffee and wine dates.

1108
00:49:06.400 --> 00:49:07.920
Thank you.

1109
00:49:07.920 --> 00:49:09.920
I mean, but I do them all the time

1110
00:49:09.920 --> 00:49:12.400
because they're quick and they're easy.

1111
00:49:12.400 --> 00:49:14.480
So a lot of times now what I've been doing

1112
00:49:14.480 --> 00:49:16.320
is picking really cute coffee shops

1113
00:49:16.320 --> 00:49:17.520
so we can sit outside.

1114
00:49:17.520 --> 00:49:18.920
It's spring now.

1115
00:49:18.920 --> 00:49:19.760
It's a great time.

1116
00:49:19.760 --> 00:49:20.920
Or I might say, hey,

1117
00:49:20.920 --> 00:49:23.640
cause I live down, I have a very Hallmark town.

1118
00:49:23.640 --> 00:49:26.320
So I might say, hey, let's go grab coffee

1119
00:49:26.320 --> 00:49:28.760
and then go just take a walk down the street together.

1120
00:49:28.760 --> 00:49:30.840
So it's coffee, but we're walking.

1121
00:49:30.840 --> 00:49:33.520
And so you kind of window shop with somebody.

1122
00:49:33.520 --> 00:49:35.760
You see how they are when they bump into somebody.

1123
00:49:35.760 --> 00:49:37.880
So it's a chance to kind of get to do that.

1124
00:49:37.880 --> 00:49:39.800
Or I pick like a hiking trail.

1125
00:49:39.800 --> 00:49:42.000
I'm a big fan of not spending a lot of money

1126
00:49:42.000 --> 00:49:43.040
on the first date.

1127
00:49:43.040 --> 00:49:44.760
Cause you know, if you don't like each other,

1128
00:49:44.760 --> 00:49:45.680
you don't feel guilty.

1129
00:49:45.800 --> 00:49:48.680
Then you don't have to feel guilty about it.

1130
00:49:48.680 --> 00:49:50.840
Definitely don't do things like a movie.

1131
00:49:50.840 --> 00:49:52.560
Don't do anything that's going to force

1132
00:49:52.560 --> 00:49:54.760
a four hour commitment on you.

1133
00:49:54.760 --> 00:49:57.640
Now, obviously if you guys are going to have to meet

1134
00:49:57.640 --> 00:50:00.080
from out of town and you're both driving halfway.

1135
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.760
to see each other. You might just say like, hey, let's go meet at a park and we'll make,

1136
00:50:05.760 --> 00:50:10.880
we'll do a picnic lunch or something like that. And you know, and that's what I did on a long

1137
00:50:10.880 --> 00:50:16.240
distance date. Once we met halfway and we did a hike together, my sister was totally creeping

1138
00:50:16.240 --> 00:50:20.480
and watching on 360 to make sure I was still moving the whole time. And then when we sat

1139
00:50:20.480 --> 00:50:28.240
at the picnic table, she's like, are you dead? You've stopped moving. So I brought a card game

1140
00:50:28.960 --> 00:50:34.000
and we had lunch. So even if we hated each other by this point, and we were bored to tears,

1141
00:50:34.000 --> 00:50:40.640
I had a board game ready. So if you are going to book a four hour, because obviously if someone's

1142
00:50:40.640 --> 00:50:45.440
going to drive more than two, three hours, the date's probably going to last at least three

1143
00:50:45.440 --> 00:50:49.440
hours. Cause now you're going to feel really bad to like drive four hours, have an hour date and

1144
00:50:49.440 --> 00:50:53.840
just go back home. I know Bethany said, Brian did that for her, but a lot of people are not

1145
00:50:53.840 --> 00:50:58.800
going to drive that many hours for a one hour day. And that would make me feel bad. So I'd say,

1146
00:50:58.800 --> 00:51:03.360
Hey, you know what, would you be willing, like, let's go for a walk or let's play some card games

1147
00:51:03.360 --> 00:51:07.920
because even if someone's not my person, like there's silly games out there that you can play

1148
00:51:07.920 --> 00:51:13.040
and like have a good time or throw a Frisbee or something and like make it like a sport.

1149
00:51:13.040 --> 00:51:18.560
Go ahead, Mike. So I drove four hours for a date, but it was, but like we did a long date and it

1150
00:51:18.560 --> 00:51:25.920
was really, it seemed, I wish it'd been local. Right. You know, but it was after, like you said,

1151
00:51:25.920 --> 00:51:30.080
the romance of being online, online, the date was amazing. Like we're, we're having all these

1152
00:51:30.080 --> 00:51:34.800
things and then we get in person. It was a train wreck, but like, but let's see,

1153
00:51:34.800 --> 00:51:37.760
this is exactly why you did it. So how many online dates did y'all do?

1154
00:51:39.200 --> 00:51:44.160
We never went on, we just chatted for a couple of weeks. Um, and then I went to Reading and saw her.

1155
00:51:44.160 --> 00:51:47.680
No, no. I mean, so when you chatted for those two weeks, were you doing video dates, phone,

1156
00:51:47.680 --> 00:51:53.920
what were you doing? See, I had just, this is the first time I'd started dating ever since after 25

1157
00:51:53.920 --> 00:52:00.400
years. But, um, like, so, so I had no idea I wasn't doing online dating. I wasn't. No, I know. So how

1158
00:52:00.400 --> 00:52:07.360
were you conversing with her for two weeks? Were you texting? On Upward, on Instagram text.

1159
00:52:08.080 --> 00:52:14.320
So you only texted for two weeks? And video, video. Um, yeah. And how often did you video?

1160
00:52:14.800 --> 00:52:19.760
Hmm. Oh, not video. I mean, audio. Um, it was, we used to do audio. It was, you know,

1161
00:52:19.760 --> 00:52:23.520
it was a learning experience. But you actually never saw her in person by video before you flew

1162
00:52:23.520 --> 00:52:27.760
out to see her. That was very brave. No, no, no. I drove to Reading. It's, it's four hours. It's

1163
00:52:27.760 --> 00:52:32.720
not a big deal. Okay. Still, you drove four hours to a chick you did not see on a video.

1164
00:52:32.720 --> 00:52:36.080
Yep. That was very brave of you. I would not have done that.

1165
00:52:37.440 --> 00:52:42.800
Well, but, but, but what I noticed is like, so there was an intensity because it was such a

1166
00:52:42.800 --> 00:52:47.280
distance. And I would have, I, you know, in hindsight, I wish I'd done it for, I wish it

1167
00:52:47.280 --> 00:52:52.480
had been an hour date. An hour? Like an hour a day, even. I would have driven four hours to

1168
00:52:52.480 --> 00:52:57.760
have a good hour. How long was your date? Like three hours. Yeah, that might be too long. Three

1169
00:52:57.760 --> 00:53:02.000
hours is too long. It was a train wreck though in three hours. That's a bummer. It was a train

1170
00:53:02.000 --> 00:53:07.200
wreck out the gate because she got triggered as soon as we met. And I, and I was like.

1171
00:53:07.920 --> 00:53:14.160
Bless your heart, Mike. Okay. So, so this, you bring up a good point. Here's your, here's my

1172
00:53:14.160 --> 00:53:18.720
advice to you because this is the advice I just gave some of the women in the community. If you

1173
00:53:18.720 --> 00:53:26.720
are going out of town, have a backup plan. So plan like one hour or an hour and a half with her,

1174
00:53:26.720 --> 00:53:31.760
if you want, and then have something else planned to go do like for yourself. Like I'm going to go

1175
00:53:31.760 --> 00:53:35.680
to a coffee shop this way. You can say to her like, Hey, this date's going really well. I would

1176
00:53:35.680 --> 00:53:40.400
love to stick around for another hour. I know we only said an hour or 90 minutes, but you know

1177
00:53:40.400 --> 00:53:44.960
what I would, she doesn't need to know that you already had a backup hour already planned. You

1178
00:53:44.960 --> 00:53:49.760
know, you can just say like, Hey, I don't need to get back on the road for another hour. Do you want

1179
00:53:49.760 --> 00:53:54.880
to go do something else? Do you want to keep talking? So maybe that's what I would recommend

1180
00:53:54.880 --> 00:54:01.680
is have a couple hours ready. Um, I still feel like an hour is not long and well, I would say

1181
00:54:01.760 --> 00:54:06.880
this local an hour. I've had plenty of dates in an hour and I've known within, sometimes I've

1182
00:54:06.880 --> 00:54:12.560
known within 20 minutes. I'm like, Oh sweet baby Jesus. How do I make this date last an hour? Like

1183
00:54:12.560 --> 00:54:17.120
I mean, we've all had that. Um, but usually in those moments I try to go like, all right, how

1184
00:54:17.120 --> 00:54:22.080
can I just be kind? How can I be a blessing? Like I try to find some way to redeem the hour.

1185
00:54:22.080 --> 00:54:26.160
So it doesn't feel like a total bust. Um, but I'm sorry that you experienced that,

1186
00:54:26.160 --> 00:54:30.080
Mike, that was very generous of you. And I think that's very kind that you'd be willing.

1187
00:54:30.080 --> 00:54:35.040
It's funny that you'd be willing to do that. That would make me very uncomfortable. If a guy

1188
00:54:35.040 --> 00:54:39.600
told me he was willing to drive four hours to only give me an hour, I would feel really guilty.

1189
00:54:39.600 --> 00:54:43.760
That'd be really hard for me. So if you said, and I didn't, I didn't take that into consider,

1190
00:54:43.760 --> 00:54:48.160
see that, see that was, that's great feedback because I didn't, to me it was, it was like,

1191
00:54:48.160 --> 00:54:52.480
Hey, if you're worth, I mean, I think you're somebody worth putting the effort in. I I'm

1192
00:54:52.480 --> 00:54:57.680
willing to take the shot. Well, and I, and I think that's, and like I said, Brian did that for

1193
00:54:57.680 --> 00:54:59.840
Bethany and she seemed to be okay with it. I just.

1194
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.040
a lot of us are like, Oh my gosh. So what you could say is, Hey, I'd love to meet you for coffee.

1195
00:55:05.040 --> 00:55:10.960
I've got other things I can do in town afterwards too. So don't feel like, you know, if it's not

1196
00:55:10.960 --> 00:55:15.680
going well, don't feel like you've got to keep entertaining me. I've got other stuff I can go do.

1197
00:55:15.680 --> 00:55:21.280
So maybe if you say it that way, it's just like, Oh, okay. You know, like, like somebody might say,

1198
00:55:21.280 --> 00:55:25.680
somebody might say to me, you know what? Hey, I'd love to come see you. And you know, we can book

1199
00:55:25.680 --> 00:55:29.920
an hour. And if it goes longer, great. If not, I've never been to Nashville. I'd love to go,

1200
00:55:29.920 --> 00:55:33.680
you know, I could always go down, you know, downtown and visit Nashville. Then I'd be like,

1201
00:55:33.680 --> 00:55:38.480
Oh, okay. It would take the pressure off of me, a feeling like I would have to entertain you

1202
00:55:39.040 --> 00:55:43.280
or feel guilty if it's bad in an hour. And then I just send you back home.

1203
00:55:44.720 --> 00:55:48.400
I'd be like, I'm so Italian. I'd be like, can I make you cookies to go?

1204
00:55:48.880 --> 00:55:56.720
I had a friend who had a 50 she met at coffee shops because she's no in the 15 minutes in 15

1205
00:55:56.720 --> 00:56:01.920
minutes. She'd know she had like, and she had the baristas that were on call. Like, you know,

1206
00:56:03.440 --> 00:56:09.120
I have well, I have two restaurants I used to toggle between and the waitstaff knew me. They'd

1207
00:56:09.120 --> 00:56:14.880
be like, Oh, there's Renee with another date. And there was one guy he was being a total a-hole.

1208
00:56:14.960 --> 00:56:21.440
A total a-hole. And I don't say that lightly. And like, literally, she passed me a note that

1209
00:56:21.440 --> 00:56:24.880
was like, do I need to get you out of this situation? And I'm like, please do.

1210
00:56:25.440 --> 00:56:29.680
And she's like, Hey, we just got a call. Like someone's been trying to reach you. Like,

1211
00:56:32.480 --> 00:56:36.080
come take this call, sneak you out the back.

1212
00:56:38.000 --> 00:56:43.360
I'm sorry. That's a terrible, I mean, yeah, super good with all this stuff. Thank you.

1213
00:56:43.360 --> 00:56:50.080
Good. You bet. Here's how we're teaching our women. I can't say this is true for all women.

1214
00:56:50.080 --> 00:56:54.480
And I will tell you this. Most women don't know to do this. So if you're on a date with a chick

1215
00:56:54.480 --> 00:56:57.520
and you're like, I don't know if she wants to see me again, she didn't say it.

1216
00:56:57.520 --> 00:57:02.080
Like a lot of women are too chicken to say how they feel. So we're teaching women to say at

1217
00:57:02.080 --> 00:57:07.040
the end of a date, Mike, I had a really great time with you. I would love to see you again,

1218
00:57:07.040 --> 00:57:11.920
to get to know you further. If that's something you're interested in, if not, that's totally okay

1219
00:57:11.920 --> 00:57:16.960
too. It was just really nice to meet you. And then I turn and go. So this way, if you're like,

1220
00:57:16.960 --> 00:57:22.800
have no desire to take me out again, you don't have to say, Oh yeah, sure. Let's go out. Don't

1221
00:57:22.800 --> 00:57:26.960
say it. If you don't mean it, just say you, all you have to do is say, so if you don't want to

1222
00:57:26.960 --> 00:57:31.120
go out with her again, after she says that you just say, Oh my gosh, Lauren, it was really nice

1223
00:57:31.120 --> 00:57:36.880
meeting you too. And then that's it. You thank her and you walk away. She will probably know

1224
00:57:36.880 --> 00:57:41.760
like, Hmm, he didn't mention the second date. Now, if you really liked her, you'd say, gosh,

1225
00:57:41.760 --> 00:57:45.440
really, you know what? I will be happy to get in touch with you to book the next date.

1226
00:57:46.000 --> 00:57:51.360
And then that's how, you know, I love that you guys are doing that, but that's so kind of great

1227
00:57:51.360 --> 00:57:58.720
greats against like, that's what the dude should be doing. Like the thing is a lot of times guys

1228
00:57:58.720 --> 00:58:04.800
are telling us we're not. So the girl isn't asking for the second date. She's just letting, you know,

1229
00:58:05.600 --> 00:58:12.560
the opportunity to make it clear. Cause a lot of times guys say to us or to Jackie,

1230
00:58:12.560 --> 00:58:15.840
they can't tell if we like them or not. Like, I don't know.

1231
00:58:16.720 --> 00:58:19.680
No, that that's that. Yeah. That's fair.

1232
00:58:19.680 --> 00:58:23.200
So what we're saying is like, Oh my gosh, Mike, I really had a nice time with you.

1233
00:58:23.200 --> 00:58:27.280
If you're up for, I'd love to see you again. If not, that's totally great too.

1234
00:58:27.280 --> 00:58:32.400
And then I turn and go, that's not me asking you out on a date. That's not me planning the next

1235
00:58:32.400 --> 00:58:38.720
date, but that is making it easy for you to know that I would be open to it. Now, if I'm not open

1236
00:58:38.720 --> 00:58:42.800
to it, here's how I'll end the date. Mike, I had a really nice time getting to know you. Thank you

1237
00:58:42.800 --> 00:58:47.200
so much for giving up your evening. I really had so much fun. Thank you so much. I, you know,

1238
00:58:47.200 --> 00:58:53.840
I really wish you the best. And then I turn and go. And so that's how, you know, and you may not

1239
00:58:53.840 --> 00:58:59.360
know. Um, sometimes girls have forgotten to say something at the thing. And so sometimes guys

1240
00:58:59.440 --> 00:59:04.000
will say, can you just text me to let me know you got home? Okay. Or if you've exchanged phone

1241
00:59:04.000 --> 00:59:08.720
numbers, you can say, Hey Mike, I just got home. I just wanted to say, thank you again. I had a

1242
00:59:08.720 --> 00:59:12.400
great time. I'd love to see you again. If not, it was just really nice getting to know you.

1243
00:59:13.120 --> 00:59:20.480
And so if I didn't say it at the day, I will say it when I get home. So this way I know I've dropped

1244
00:59:20.480 --> 00:59:25.760
that hanky. I've done everything to make it easy for you. And if you don't pick up the hanky,

1245
00:59:25.760 --> 00:59:34.080
then that's okay. Super. Okay. And I see it. So super cool. Yeah. Now I can't tell you that all

1246
00:59:34.080 --> 00:59:38.400
women are going to do that. I'm just trying to tell you, we're trying to start coaching women

1247
00:59:38.400 --> 00:59:44.480
to make it clear, to drop hankies. But then we always say, once you drop that hanky, don't pick

1248
00:59:44.480 --> 00:59:51.680
it up again. Like let them at that point, he has to initiate and you can reciprocate. So women go,

1249
00:59:51.680 --> 00:59:56.320
well, I told him I wanted to see him again. I haven't heard. He hasn't booked the next date.

1250
00:59:56.320 --> 00:59:59.920
Don't, don't book it. If he texts you, if he starts texting,

1251
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.140
But he doesn't book the next date because some women go well

1252
01:00:03.140 --> 01:00:05.760
He's just been texting me for the last three weeks since our date

1253
01:00:06.000 --> 01:00:09.420
What do I do to get him to ask the day I said stop texting with him

1254
01:00:09.440 --> 01:00:13.320
He's either going to pick up the phone and call you or book the next date

1255
01:00:13.320 --> 01:00:16.440
But if you're making it easy for him to be lazy, then he's gonna keep being lazy

1256
01:00:16.440 --> 01:00:21.200
And so this is what I've done like hey, you know what? I really enjoyed getting to know you

1257
01:00:21.200 --> 01:00:26.740
I I don't know if I was clear. I'm really not a texter. That's not how I like to get to know people

1258
01:00:26.740 --> 01:00:28.460
I don't really have the bandwidth for that

1259
01:00:28.460 --> 01:00:31.860
So if you wanted to see me again that I would totally love that

1260
01:00:31.860 --> 01:00:37.380
But if you don't then that's okay, too. So then that's me letting them know I'm not doing this anymore

1261
01:00:37.380 --> 01:00:41.700
I'm not gonna keep that texting you if you don't have any intention of taking me out again

1262
01:00:43.740 --> 01:00:47.900
So that's the kind of stuff we're trying to coach the women to do it's

1263
01:00:48.460 --> 01:00:50.460
It helps you

1264
01:00:50.580 --> 01:00:53.700
know that we're where we stand on stuff and

1265
01:00:54.140 --> 01:00:59.820
We want to help you stop the dragging and Mike feel free to use everything that I'm telling you with women

1266
01:00:59.820 --> 01:01:04.580
So if women text you but you can't tell you can just say hey, you know what Sally?

1267
01:01:04.580 --> 01:01:06.580
I had a really great time getting to know you

1268
01:01:06.700 --> 01:01:10.420
I'm not really sure if you're interested in going out again, but I'd love to you know

1269
01:01:10.420 --> 01:01:14.260
Get to know you a little bit better. Are you open to going out again if she says well?

1270
01:01:14.260 --> 01:01:18.780
No, can we just keep talking by text for a while? You can say you know what?

1271
01:01:18.780 --> 01:01:24.100
Honestly, I'm really looking to date people in real life and I only use texting for those early stages

1272
01:01:24.100 --> 01:01:29.380
So that's not really working for me, you know, but I wish you the really best. Thanks for being honest with me, Sally

1273
01:01:29.380 --> 01:01:33.100
So like you can do this and all the advice I give the women

1274
01:01:33.100 --> 01:01:36.140
That's what you guys could be doing. If you have women who are being wishy-washy

1275
01:01:41.500 --> 01:01:45.060
Does this help no, it is super helpful you bet

1276
01:01:45.460 --> 01:01:47.460
Um

1277
01:01:47.580 --> 01:01:54.900
Here are the questions that you don't want to ask women. Why are you still single? Why are you married? Why did you get divorced?

1278
01:01:55.740 --> 01:02:01.580
Okay, so what's the situation with your ex like we're trying to teach the women to not drill men about their exes

1279
01:02:01.860 --> 01:02:08.860
Your first your first video dates and your first dates there. It is so inappropriate to find out like why'd you get divorced that?

1280
01:02:09.300 --> 01:02:13.700
Why did you never get married and my favorite question like why'd you never get married?

1281
01:02:13.700 --> 01:02:17.740
And now I laugh I used to be offended and defensive when I got that question now

1282
01:02:17.740 --> 01:02:21.820
I just laughed I said that's it's probably as short of an answer as why you got divorced

1283
01:02:22.700 --> 01:02:26.420
So let's just like yes, that's a great question

1284
01:02:26.420 --> 01:02:30.220
And at some point if we get to know each other, I'd be happy to tell you more about that

1285
01:02:30.220 --> 01:02:33.420
I guess my short answer is I just haven't found my spirit mate yet

1286
01:02:34.900 --> 01:02:37.540
And he hasn't found me that's my short answer

1287
01:02:38.740 --> 01:02:42.740
Because any other answer I'm defending myself. I'm explaining myself

1288
01:02:42.980 --> 01:02:48.100
Any mentions of the axe? I feel like when the minute somebody brings up the axe

1289
01:02:48.100 --> 01:02:53.180
I feel like I walk away from that date know more about the axe and I do about the person that's in front of me

1290
01:02:54.420 --> 01:02:55.740
and

1291
01:02:55.740 --> 01:02:57.740
So there's just nothing more

1292
01:02:58.540 --> 01:03:03.320
Discouraging than hearing about the ex on the first date like, you know what here like, you know what?

1293
01:03:03.780 --> 01:03:08.100
You know marriage it was hard divorce was even harder. I wouldn't wish it on anybody

1294
01:03:08.260 --> 01:03:14.300
I've definitely learned a lot and at the appropriate time. I'd be happy to share more about that with you then

1295
01:03:15.020 --> 01:03:17.020
Are you laughing Mike?

1296
01:03:20.100 --> 01:03:21.940
Well, she's snoring

1297
01:03:21.940 --> 01:03:28.580
But something just fell on the counter. That's what that was my little my little spinner my little frother spinner just knocked over

1298
01:03:29.020 --> 01:03:33.980
No, she's snoring. Can you not hear her snoring? Like the girl is snoring man. She's like snoring

1299
01:03:35.100 --> 01:03:37.100
She's old

1300
01:03:37.540 --> 01:03:43.260
Okay, well, I don't want to keep you guys much longer do you have any questions you want to ask me scenarios questions

1301
01:03:43.420 --> 01:03:46.180
This is your time Hunter. What's your question?

1302
01:03:47.260 --> 01:03:53.660
Just I heard that from the from Jackie that the first group of men are already on the last year singles app

1303
01:03:53.900 --> 01:03:56.940
When is it they said that you could get a call back?

1304
01:03:56.940 --> 01:04:01.060
We'll let you know when it's time or some of you guys are gonna get in next week

1305
01:04:01.820 --> 01:04:07.260
Right now there's only five guys in there's only it's mostly all of the volunteers at this point

1306
01:04:07.260 --> 01:04:10.040
we're really only letting the volunteers in because

1307
01:04:10.500 --> 01:04:16.540
We're having people move around like I just did the tech training last night with all the volunteers and only six people showed up and

1308
01:04:16.540 --> 01:04:22.580
We found like four things for and so we're like, well, you shouldn't be able to see someone's email

1309
01:04:22.580 --> 01:04:26.420
Oh darn it, and we're like they we did we tried DMing each other

1310
01:04:26.420 --> 01:04:29.140
We tried sending comments to each other like right now

1311
01:04:29.140 --> 01:04:32.940
It's just been mean Cheryl and David in there and it's like you can't really test much

1312
01:04:33.220 --> 01:04:40.220
so like all right now, let's let the volunteers in and let's see if we can screw it up and break the system and then

1313
01:04:40.740 --> 01:04:46.180
Ideally next week. Our goal is next week letting in all of phase three women and all of the men

1314
01:04:46.700 --> 01:04:48.700
The rest of all right, that's our goal

1315
01:04:49.460 --> 01:04:54.700
Because I haven't gone on the app at all. Well, and we're only gonna send you first

1316
01:04:54.700 --> 01:05:00.020
You don't worry because when we're gonna do it we're gonna send you an email with the link to the desktop you could

1317
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:08.640
Download now you just can't get in because your contacts not in there, but you can download you can go to the app store right now and download last year single.

1318
01:05:09.200 --> 01:05:12.680
I had that already, but I haven't gone on there because of what I put.

1319
01:05:12.840 --> 01:05:20.280
And what's going to happen is, if you try to get in it's going to ask for your email and it's going to tell you you're not in the system, so you won't get very far.

1320
01:05:20.680 --> 01:05:36.440
Um, if you do that, but just to give you since you guys are on here, it's really cool. So, like, there's like the phases and then those are all the single cities. And then I've got the volunteer groups. And what's really cool. Let me show your your men's page.

1321
01:05:37.440 --> 01:05:53.600
So, right in your men's page, the comment tab, the community tab is one tab. One tab over is all the heart work and last year single content. And then all of the replays are there. And then today.

1322
01:05:54.400 --> 01:06:03.800
Events the calendar with all the zoom links are right here. So, like, in it, you're going to be able to see all of them.

1323
01:06:03.800 --> 01:06:07.440
So, if you can see it right now, then that concerns me.

1324
01:06:09.320 --> 01:06:18.600
All right, because, because I haven't. And I also make clear, I will not go on there until I what I until I become that new man from the heart work and not the old me.

1325
01:06:19.120 --> 01:06:33.320
Gotcha. I got you. That's awesome. And of course, that's the phone version. I do the training on the desktop version. Right now there's a couple more. And that supposedly the push notifications is working the push notifications. We did some test ones.

1326
01:06:33.720 --> 01:06:39.200
And it went to Jackie and Bethany, but not me, Cheryl and David, who have been living on the app. So,

1327
01:06:42.640 --> 01:06:43.960
And I'm not seeing the whole

1328
01:06:45.120 --> 01:06:48.600
Well, you're not seeing it yet because we've not added you to those groups yet.

1329
01:06:50.520 --> 01:06:59.840
So you're not because I'm an admin. So I can see all the pages. And right now, like, as a man, you're not going to see the female pages, you know, I'm saying

1330
01:07:00.200 --> 01:07:07.000
We are creating one joint community called last year single community. And that's going to have all the men and all the women together.

1331
01:07:07.520 --> 01:07:20.680
Super cool. So no, thank you. You know, you, you have. I love your spirit and your spunk right and and your strength. I mean, that's, that's a huge part of you. And I really appreciate how

1332
01:07:21.560 --> 01:07:23.960
Yeah, you're amazing. So thank you for your time tonight.

1333
01:07:24.600 --> 01:07:32.240
Well, I really appreciate that was I much needed to hear that this week. It's not been an easy weekend. So I affirmation. So thank you.

1334
01:07:34.840 --> 01:07:36.320
Yeah, I really appreciate that.

1335
01:07:38.200 --> 01:07:41.680
I'm just happy I got here just in time right after work.

1336
01:07:42.400 --> 01:07:48.200
Well, I'm glad you're able to get on to. All right. Well, you guys. It was such a blessing and a pleasure. I will put

1337
01:07:49.200 --> 01:07:54.080
There's a lot more pages in here, then you'll probably ever want to read, but feel free to skim through it.

1338
01:07:54.520 --> 01:08:12.480
And this was actually the most fun online dating class that I did. So I loved your questions. I loved the feedback and any woman would be blessed to have any one of you guys as their as their person. And so, and I'm just super excited to hear your love stories when they unfold.