WEBVTT

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Hi everybody.

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Hello.

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Hi.

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All right. We are beginning our love seat session so everyone get ready to give people just another 60 seconds to jump on here.

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I'm just going to scroll through and see who all is here tonight so many people off camera during the love seat session.

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During the group sessions just in general and I really want to encourage you, if you're going to come to the all community sessions, you know have your camera on let people get to know you let people see you not just for the purpose of meeting

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someone.

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You know, meeting someone special, but for the purpose of being known in community. Right, let people put a face with a name. Today someone was asking me about somebody.

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And they said, you know, so and so and I said okay I don't know who that is and they said well I, I said what I, and I said to them what do they look like.

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And they said, I don't know I've never seen them.

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I've only seen their name.

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I've never seen them.

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I know they exist.

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But I've never seen them. Okay.

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So we want to make sure that if you can have your camera on, just go ahead and put on a hat. If you got to.

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Right, I have workout hair but I don't care.

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Put on a hat, Gail has her hat on, Diana has her hat on, Penny's got a hat on.

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If you care about that kind of stuff you can put a hat on but mostly ladies probably. Do your hair up in a ponytail.

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Put on a cute little filter. Did you know that zoom touches up your appearance.

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Yeah, there's a setting I don't think I have mine on but let me look.

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Let me see.

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It's on backgrounds and effects. Is that it? No.

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That ain't it.

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I'm on my iPad right now. So let's see.

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I think that it's like when you're getting on to the zoom it'll, it'll ask you like for settings what you want to do and you can touch your appearance up.

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So if you're feeling a little pale, you can give yourself a little tan, you can give yourself a little blur, you can blur yourself a little bit if that's what you like.

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Whatever you want you can do it but just come on camera so people can get to know you better.

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All right, so Father God we're so thankful for everyone who's come here tonight to learn more about how to be in connection with others.

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And so I pray that you would speak to me and speak through me and help us to have divine revelation and wisdom from heaven in Jesus name. Amen. Amen. Amen.

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All right, so if you're new to love seats and I know there's a lot of people here from phase two, or at least phase two is going to be able to watch this and replay.

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Love seats is a time where we get together as a community and we do live coaching, dating coaching.

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And we talk about real life scenarios, you can jump in the love seats, and you can ask about your own scenarios you can get live one on one coaching in this group environment.

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By coming to love seats you can even email us ahead of time and say hey, I want to make sure that I get a chance to get in the love seats we have several people here that have emailed or have messaged and said hey I would really like to be in the love seat

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can you please raise your hand. If you're here and you have asked in advance to be in the love seats we have Allison here.

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We have Katie here. Who else get a couple other people. Raise your hand if I said to you in a comment on one of your posts, hey, I would love to talk about that on love seats.

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Abigail's here.

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I don't know if Nathan came tonight but we definitely had one guy that had a scenario that I thought would be good to cover to kind of has your hand halfway up halfway down.

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Okay. Right. So, right so we'll cover we're going to go ahead and talk to these people first and get their love seat scenarios coached, and then we can open the forum to any questions of all of you that are here live.

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Cool. So we have Allison we have was Dean. I don't know if I'm saying that right.

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We have Carla.

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And we have Abigail. We have Katie, and we have Tiffany. All right, and then I'm going to go over Nathan's situation as well, even if he's not here. And then I also have a few notes that I wrote down the Holy Spirit.

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All right, let's jump right in. Sound fun. All right, let's jump right in. So the very first person that's here with me is Carla on my

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screen so we'll just go and we'll go this way. So Carla, I asked you to come

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because I thought that the question that you asked on the roll call or the

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scenario that you painted and then the question that you asked is gonna be true

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for so many people and I thought that it would be great for us to cover what it

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looks like to have a situationship with someone, how do we break free from that,

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also what does it look like when someone gives you a what I call a bid for

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attention, right? All of us need connection you guys and so when someone

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asks for a bid for connection or a bid for attention it's hard to turn that

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down, right? We want to be able, especially as Christian people, to give

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the person what they're asking for and that is your your focus but there are

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some people that you can't give that to or at least not give that to anymore

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because that's a dead-end street. You've already driven down that street and you

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see that there's nothing there, there's no way to turn, you can't turn left or

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right, you can't go straight, it's a dead-end and so every time you drive

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back down that street when they ask you for that, they make that bid for

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connection or for attention, you're just gonna end up right back at that same

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brick wall and we can't just do that over and over and over again, can we? So

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Carla, just in a nutshell, synopsis, explain the situation and then we'll

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coach from there. Okay, I'll make this as brief as I can.

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Rudy, right when I joined, I guess it was still Marion 12 months or less or

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bride boot camp or something, when I joined, everything Jackie said would

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happen when I joined the boot camp, you're gonna be inundated with work,

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you're gonna attract all the wrong guys, you know, the enemy is gonna come and

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take you out, 100% true. I joined and within a week, Rudy was on my doorstep,

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non-christian guy, sweet guy, but he was like, hey, I felt like maybe there was an

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assignment there, so I said, this is not what I'm looking for but we can be

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friends, that's kind of how it started. Well, he just declared that he was

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gonna wear me down and that was like his intention from the outset, so long story

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short, this went on and off and on and off for the last two years and to the

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point where I knew I was never gonna get free from him unless I left the state

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because he bought an apartment right around the corner from my

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house and when I would break up with him, you know, get rid of him on Facebook, he

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would show up at my window in the middle of the night, I mean, violated my

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boundaries in a hundred different ways, it was very unhealthy. He has a lot of

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good qualities but he's emotionally immature and not saved and he wasn't

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really interested in getting saved and that was, you know, it's difficult, it's

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difficult but on the bright side, Rudy is somebody who, what I look for in a human,

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forget just a man but just all humans, is somebody that actually will do what they

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say they're gonna do when they say they're gonna do it and it's exceedingly

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rare to find that in my experience but Rudy was one of those people, when I

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needed help moving something, he'd show up, he helped me when I moved here, he

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asked me to marry him last December and I said no, the day I lost my job and was

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getting laid off and I told him I'm probably gonna be moving and then

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everything I said would happen, happened but he asked me to marry him and I just

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had to say no but we stayed friends because he just doesn't know how to like

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not talk to me or something so I don't know, it's just that odd, that pushed

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me, I'm not gonna give up, I'm just gonna keep on coming, coming and coming which

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is an attractive thing, I mean, I appreciate persistence and he's

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definitely the most persistent human I've ever met. Okay, so let's put a pin in that,

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okay, for just a second, so friends, let's just get honest, right, this is an honest

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forum, when you're used to inconsistent action from men or women, okay, because

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this is a mixed forum, it is refreshing to have someone who actually does what

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they say they're gonna do, have someone who's actually, let's use that the

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horrible word, pursuing you, right, pursuing your attention, pursuing

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relationship with you and so it's easy to kind of overlook all the things that

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they don't have when they have this, right, because the people that have the

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other things that you want on your little Christian checklist, right, a lot

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of times they don't have that thing, they're not bidding for your attention,

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they're not pursuing a connection with you.

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So it's easy to before you judge Carla, it's easy to, you know,

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get caught up in that because we all we all want connection.

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We've been created for it. Right? So Rudy was given her that.

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The problem is, is he was given her a lot of other stuff too.

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Right? Some X. There's some X going on here coming to your

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window. Like half the people were like, Oh, no, no, no.

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Joe, it's all true. I get it. Paul's like, did you call the

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cops? Okay. So like, this is not a Melissa Etheridge song. Come

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to my window. No, don't come to my window. No, I felt that

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Romeo and Juliet. No. All right. Did you honestly, honestly,

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because I know that God has opened the door, but did you

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move because of this man?

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Not entirely. But I knew that it was part of God's rescue mission

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for me. Yeah. Yeah. Because, because he, because here's the

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thing. Did he actually verbally say, I'm going to wear you down?

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Yeah. Because that's exactly what was happening. We're getting

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worn down. Yeah. You were about to settle. And here's the

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thing. So many of you have said this, and I just got a message

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from a guy today, a cute guy in Nashville, ladies in Nashville,

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if you're under 40, hit me up because he's younger. But

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here's the thing. He said, this is why I'm actually he said,

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this is why I'm actually considering dating non Christian

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women. You know why? I'll tell you why. Because this is the

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second girl and this guy is he's healthy. He's good looking. He's

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just a relocation in Nashville. He just moved there recently.

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But he, this is the second girl that he was, you know, pursuing

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and dating that said to him, you know, you're great. You're

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wonderful. I really enjoy our relationship. Like it wasn't a

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cop out like she really enjoys the relationship wants to

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continue it. But God said no. God said I can't. I just don't

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have peace on it. What? Get the heck out of here. You guys if I

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hear this one more time, I'm gonna throat punch the devil.

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Right? I'm just so mad about it. I'm so tired of it. It's not

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true. Okay? You're in relationship with a good healthy

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person, you know, that's pursuing God. They're not

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perfect, but they're trying and it's just like, well, I don't I

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just can't I don't have any peace on it. What kind of peace

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are you looking for? You know, and this is what's happening to

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us. What's happening is that we have this internal expectation

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of what it's going to feel like when we meet the person. And

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when it doesn't happen, we start to talk ourselves out of it.

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Well, surely if this was from God, then all these supernatural

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things would be happening. And I would feel this way and this

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would happen. We have all of this preconceived idea. And then

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we start putting words in God's mouth. We do that. Okay, but

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this guy from his own mouth said to Carla, I'm gonna wear you

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down. That's not good. All right. And then and then it

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started happening. And so God relocated her. All right. She

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got relocated. And you guys, I do have that word written down

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here. So if I forget someone, please remind me before tonight

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is over. We've got to talk about relocation. All right. So but

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that didn't work because Carla lives halfway across the country

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now. And guess what happened? Go ahead, Carla.

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Well, you know, we're still Facebook friends. Because when

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I've deprinted him on Facebook before, then I would get like a

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text message from a few weeks later when he discovered it

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going, Well, we're not even friends anymore. I would never

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do that to you. And just like crying. And you know, I don't

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like to hurt people. I've broken up with him so many times. And

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every time he's like, hurt and destroyed. And but he just keeps

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on coming. And I'm just like, Are you just a glutton for

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punishment? I don't understand. But it also there's the

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pursuing thing. So there's a weird dynamic. And I own my

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crap. And there it is.

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But it's okay. Because here's the thing. We all listen, every

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single one of us want to have someone who's truly devoted to

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us. We want to have someone let's just be honest. We want to

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have someone who would make the grand gesture. We want to have

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someone who would move hell and high water. We want someone who

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would do that, right? Go through hell and high water move heaven

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and earth. We want someone and so this guy is the wrong guy.

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But he's doing all the right things. Yes. And a very

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manipulative way. All right, keep going.

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Yeah, and all you guys with the soul tie talk. I get it. And

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I've done it. So he doesn't understand soul ties. I do. And

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I have done my part, but he was still coming. So anyway, um,

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I've been here for almost three months now. And the other night,

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I got this, I had a

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conversation with him recently, just a friendly conversation.

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She's like, Hey, how you doing? Pretty normal. But I'm just

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hadn't talked to him in a while. And it wasn't like romantic. It

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was nothing. It was just friendly. And then the other

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night, I got this text from him, like, in the wee hours of the

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morning, this is like, Saturday morning, about 345 my time, I

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didn't see until I woke up. But he told me he was out with his

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buddy thinking about me. And this is the first time he's ever

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done this. But it's like thinking about you like WTF,

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lol.

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First of all, she got that text message at 345. Central time

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because she lives in Texas. Now. He sent it then at 145. Okay, so

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it's a booty call. Right? All right. 145 more y'all any

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messages that you get from anyone that happened late at

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night? They ain't good ones. All right. Because that means

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that that person is sitting around. What are they doing?

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They're thinking about you. They're thinking about you

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because they've been drinking. And now they're thinking, right?

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No. All right, keep going.

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So I didn't see until I woke up at 630 my time. So I was like,

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what kind of what were you thinking? Because I just need

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information. I don't want to diagnose it without more

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information. I said, but what kinds of thoughts were you

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having? Because this sounds like demonic intrusion to me. So

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I just wanted to know. But he didn't answer my text. So I went

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to this day long conference at my church, and he never responded

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text. So I called him on my way home, just to say, hey, what was

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going on with that? Because he needs to understand about the

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soul ties. I want to give him that opportunity. Like, look, if

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you don't want to be thinking thoughts about me, I can tell

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you how to do that from your end. You know, I've done what I

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can from here, but he's got to take some, even if they even if

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he doesn't believe in it, I would like him to just say,

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hey, just you know what, just try it. See if it brings you

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some relief, because I don't want him to be tormented

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either. So I called him and he didn't answer. So I texted him

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and I said, Hey, tell me some more about the thoughts. Where

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did they leave you that feeling? Were they peaceful thoughts?

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Were they intrusive?

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He's gone into full blown ministry mode now y'all with

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this dude, right? And I appreciate you Carla. And I

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appreciate because I know her in person and I know that she's

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kind. But y'all the hardest thing, write this down. The

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hardest thing that you will ever do is leave a soul tie on red.

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Please write it down. The hardest thing that you will ever

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do is leave a soul tie on red. And for those of you that don't

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know what that means, it means that you read their text

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message, but you didn't respond. You read their email, but you

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didn't respond. You saw the missed phone call, but you did

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not respond. I've had to do it. And you'll have to do it too. If

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you want to be free. Clean breaks heal the fastest. You

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have to do it if you want to be free. And they may not stop the

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first time or the second time or even the third time. You guys I

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had a soul tie once that was so strong that I would feel in my

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physical body when I was going to run into this person. I would

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know that I was going to see them that day. Okay, when I gave

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birth to my daughter, they I don't know if they still do

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this, but where I lived in Columbus, Ohio, when you gave

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birth, or if you got married or divorced or died, they put it in

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a little vital statistic thing in the newspaper. Okay, this is

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how old we all are, I guess. So she's 23 years old. So 23 years

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ago, that's what they did in the Columbus dispatch. And guess

242
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what? He saw me somewhere and must have seen that I was

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pregnant, and was watching the vital statistic column to see

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when I gave birth to that baby, so that he could message me and

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say congratulations. I got a text message just out of the

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blue one day. Well, I guess it wasn't a text message. I guess

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it was an email because it's a long time ago. I don't think

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texting really existed yet. I got a message that just said,

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congratulations. You know, that's creepy, right? But the

250
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thing is, is that if you had a strong emotional attachment to

251
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that person, then you it doesn't come off as creepy comes off as

252
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Oh, they really care about me. You know, oh, they they really

253
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miss me. Oh, they, you know, maybe I missed my soulmate.

254
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Maybe they were the person because why do I feel like I'm

255
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going to see them all the time because you guys I didn't

256
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understand soul ties and all that stuff back then. All I knew

257
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is that I had some kind of connection to this person that

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was visceral. And finally, years later, y'all, it did not end

259
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there. Years later, because I got divorced from my my baby

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daddy.

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from my daughter's father, right?

262
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And so I was a free agent for a second, right?

263
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And so that situation full circled

264
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and I got back into contact, ran into Saul,

265
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you know, whatever crazy, crazy things.

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I can tell you crazy stories, but I will tell you this.

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There came a point when God just said to me,

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you have to stop responding.

269
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And that was the hardest thing

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because this person wasn't mean to me.

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They weren't unkind.

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You know, it's easy to cut people off

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when you know that they're, you know, objectively toxic

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and they've abused you and hurt you

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and cheated on you or whatever, it's easier.

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But when someone's been kind and good,

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like what Carla's talking about,

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he's always there for her, helping her move stuff,

279
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always checking in on her, all the things,

280
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it's harder, but it's still necessary.

281
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And so when the first email came,

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he was actually deployed in Iraq

283
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and he sent me an email, you know, pray for me,

284
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I'm in Iraq, you know, and stuff,

285
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you guys, I didn't respond.

286
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And I felt like horrible person.

287
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And then the next thing happened,

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I didn't respond and I didn't respond,

289
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I didn't respond, I didn't respond.

290
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And then in a moment of weakness,

291
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I called his old roommate

292
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and you know what his old roommate said to me

293
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and this gave me a lot of closure.

294
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He said, I said, hey, how's so-and-so doing?

295
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I know that they're, you know, over in,

296
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this is the way guys, I tried to get around it

297
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by not responding to them,

298
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but also talking to someone who knows them

299
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to find out how they are, right?

300
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So I called his old roommate and I was just like,

301
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hey, you know, a guy, I said, hey, how is so-and-so,

302
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you know, blah, blah, blah.

303
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And he said, yeah, he waited forever for, you know,

304
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for you to respond and you never responded.

305
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And he was distraught, he was distraught,

306
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he was destroyed, he was trying to, you know,

307
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he was trying to figure out how to get ahold of you,

308
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blah, blah, blah, blah.

309
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And I was just like, yeah.

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And he said, can you leave him alone now?

311
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Will you just leave him alone?

312
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Will you just let him move on with his life?

313
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And I was like, yeah, I will.

314
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And then I did.

315
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And you gotta do that

316
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because while he's not your person, you're also not his.

317
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You're not all, you're also not his.

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And you guys, a lot of times people are attracted

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to the Holy Spirit inside of us,

320
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but we make it all about us, right?

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And remember, I'm only talking about the people that come

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that are not toxic.

323
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Now, does he have some toxic behaviors

324
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of like stalking her and going to her window,

325
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you know, and all the things?

326
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Yeah, did it escalate?

327
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Doesn't sound like it.

328
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But even in this last bid for attention,

329
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she's moved halfway across the country.

330
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And what is he doing?

331
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He's gaslighting her.

332
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He doesn't know any better probably.

333
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He's gaslighting her in the way of,

334
00:23:02.280 --> 00:23:04.700
oh, we're not even friends anymore.

335
00:23:04.700 --> 00:23:06.240
I can't believe, what is that?

336
00:23:06.240 --> 00:23:08.520
That's trying to get her to open the door again.

337
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That's trying to get her to reconnect in relationship,

338
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to make her feel bad for what she's done.

339
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It's a bid for attention.

340
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And also it's emotionally and even spiritually manipulative

341
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because here's the reason why it's really important.

342
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Because it's one way to just say,

343
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I wanna know that I still have my hooks in you.

344
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And if I pull a little, that I can still get you, right?

345
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You guys, that's that spirit talking.

346
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A lot of times the human person

347
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that that spirit is working through doesn't know it.

348
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But what they're doing is they're still trying to see

349
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whether or not they have any kind of hold on you.

350
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For all of you that have had breakups

351
00:23:58.240 --> 00:24:00.200
that maybe were more toxic

352
00:24:00.200 --> 00:24:02.400
and you see that the people are still watching your stories

353
00:24:02.400 --> 00:24:05.420
on Instagram, you can see that they watched your stories,

354
00:24:05.420 --> 00:24:06.400
but they never say anything.

355
00:24:06.400 --> 00:24:07.240
They don't comment.

356
00:24:07.240 --> 00:24:08.640
They're just watching your stories.

357
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You had a few dates and then they ghosted you

358
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or people's like, why would people ghost me

359
00:24:13.200 --> 00:24:14.280
and then still watch my stories?

360
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Because they want to see what they're missing out on.

361
00:24:19.720 --> 00:24:20.720
They wanna see.

362
00:24:20.760 --> 00:24:22.800
They're probably avoidantly attached

363
00:24:22.800 --> 00:24:24.000
and they just wanna make sure

364
00:24:24.000 --> 00:24:25.720
that in case you do something cool,

365
00:24:25.720 --> 00:24:28.280
they can just kind of pop up out of nowhere.

366
00:24:28.280 --> 00:24:31.880
In case you're looking ladies extra special sexy that day,

367
00:24:31.880 --> 00:24:33.720
they can just kind of pop up out of nowhere

368
00:24:33.720 --> 00:24:37.920
in case they change their mind, right?

369
00:24:37.920 --> 00:24:39.920
These are very manipulative things.

370
00:24:39.920 --> 00:24:41.820
And you guys, we have to cut them off.

371
00:24:43.080 --> 00:24:44.280
We have to cut them off.

372
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If someone's still watching your stories

373
00:24:46.720 --> 00:24:48.760
after all this years and you dated them back then

374
00:24:48.760 --> 00:24:51.840
and it didn't work out or whatever, block them.

375
00:24:52.680 --> 00:24:54.320
Don't let them watch your stories.

376
00:24:55.200 --> 00:24:58.980
Don't keep that little tiny little cinder alive.

377
00:25:00.560 --> 00:25:04.960
Okay, because Lucifer is going to come and blow on it and try to get that started,

378
00:25:04.960 --> 00:25:11.440
that fire, that party started again, right? Lucifer. Lucy's coming. All right. So make sure

379
00:25:12.640 --> 00:25:16.800
you guys, I want to address all this weird spiritual stuff that's been going on in some

380
00:25:16.800 --> 00:25:20.640
of our community. Don't let me forget to do that. Okay. Relocation. I'm writing it down

381
00:25:20.640 --> 00:25:26.240
with my Sharpie relocation and spiritual mess. You guys, I'm joking around about Lucy,

382
00:25:26.800 --> 00:25:31.120
but I am saying that we do not want to keep those doors open. Slam them shut,

383
00:25:31.760 --> 00:25:41.840
double lock them and move on. Okay. Spiritual chaos. All right. So Carla,

384
00:25:45.520 --> 00:25:50.560
you're going to have to just let this man go and you can't, you can't minister to him.

385
00:25:51.280 --> 00:26:00.000
You can't minister to him. You can't because even it's an ulterior motive for him.

386
00:26:01.440 --> 00:26:06.960
Right. And it kind of is for you too, because there isn't anything new going on in your

387
00:26:06.960 --> 00:26:13.680
love life right now. And this guy really is like, so like just head over heels about you,

388
00:26:14.320 --> 00:26:18.080
even with you moved away and you guys, there's some ego involved here.

389
00:26:19.040 --> 00:26:21.520
Let's just all be honest with ourselves. It feels good

390
00:26:22.720 --> 00:26:26.800
to be cared about by somebody. It feels good to be wanted. Does it not?

391
00:26:28.640 --> 00:26:35.760
If you can do it, like right there and then go right there. It looks like he's.

392
00:26:40.720 --> 00:26:42.560
So what are you going to do now?

393
00:26:43.520 --> 00:26:51.840
Oh, well, I put him on my phone and I just, he hasn't tried to contact me and just let me be

394
00:26:51.840 --> 00:26:58.240
clear. Yeah. Everything you just said is absolutely true historically, but right now this isn't,

395
00:26:58.240 --> 00:27:03.040
this isn't appealing to my ego. This isn't, he's flexing on me and I don't like that. I don't

396
00:27:03.040 --> 00:27:08.240
appreciate it. He's just saying, yeah, I told you he was flexing on you, but he's wanted to see if

397
00:27:08.240 --> 00:27:13.040
he still has hooks in you. Right. But I haven't responded since then. I'm not still trying to

398
00:27:13.040 --> 00:27:17.280
reach him. And it's like, I need you to know you didn't break me. I'm going to be like Molly ring

399
00:27:17.280 --> 00:27:21.840
roll. Well, at the end of pretty in pink going to the prom, you didn't break me and now you're

400
00:27:21.840 --> 00:27:27.440
blocked. So that, that is my next thing is just to do this after this call is just block him.

401
00:27:27.440 --> 00:27:32.320
Yeah. Just block them, just block them. He'll move on, you know, and hopefully

402
00:27:32.320 --> 00:27:37.920
somewhere along his, you know, you're a brick in his wall, you know, and hopefully that will

403
00:27:37.920 --> 00:27:42.720
turn into your paver on his path and it will lead him to Jesus. Pray, pray for Lee. It will,

404
00:27:42.720 --> 00:27:50.240
but ladies, especially you men don't do this as much as women do. Do not lie to yourself and say,

405
00:27:50.240 --> 00:27:59.200
well, you know, maybe, maybe I'm supposed to lead them to Jesus. No, no, no.

406
00:28:00.640 --> 00:28:06.320
It doesn't work. It's a distraction for you. It's a demonic distraction. Okay. It is

407
00:28:06.960 --> 00:28:12.080
of the best kind, right? Doing good things instead of God things. And so let's just go

408
00:28:12.080 --> 00:28:17.200
ahead and move on. Carla. It's such a great example because 80% of the people here are

409
00:28:17.200 --> 00:28:25.920
going to deal with that. So so Carla volunteered a tribute and she went first and now she,

410
00:28:25.920 --> 00:28:32.320
and here's the thing, God moves you to a new city. You have this big open landscape in front of you

411
00:28:32.320 --> 00:28:39.600
of who knows what kind of amazing things. And so let's stay fully focused where you are.

412
00:28:42.160 --> 00:28:50.560
All right. Okay. So let's go ahead and jump into Katie Allison. And you guys I know we took a

413
00:28:50.560 --> 00:28:55.840
little bit of time on that one. We took about 15 more minutes, but I think it's a really important

414
00:28:55.840 --> 00:29:02.560
one. Um, because a lot of you are going to deal with soul tie kind of stuff, right? I just told

415
00:29:02.560 --> 00:29:08.320
you about my crazy soul tie that spanned over a decade of my life. And so let's go ahead and

416
00:29:08.320 --> 00:29:14.160
cut those things off quick. All right. The quicker that we make space for new things, the faster that

417
00:29:14.160 --> 00:29:20.320
new things will show up. Right. Katie, you're up. Okay. Allison was asking if she could go next

418
00:29:20.320 --> 00:29:25.200
because of her kids. I think is that sure. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. They're going to be home soon and I

419
00:29:25.200 --> 00:29:33.280
won't be able to talk. Oh yeah. Okay. Um, so I, my question is, um, how and when do you introduce

420
00:29:33.280 --> 00:29:39.920
your kids to your partner? Um, right now, um, my boyfriend, Ben, he has five daughters and I have

421
00:29:39.920 --> 00:29:50.960
two. And, um, my 13 year old is very upset about our relationship. Um, she gets visibly sad whenever

422
00:29:51.040 --> 00:29:56.560
I mentioned him, she wants us to break up. And I know it's coming from a place of like fear,

423
00:29:56.560 --> 00:29:59.920
like loss and time with me and just being, you know, so I know it's coming.

424
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:03.760
that's where it's coming from. And it's just so sad to see

425
00:30:03.840 --> 00:30:07.440
something that is making me so happy. That is just making her

426
00:30:07.440 --> 00:30:11.880
so upset. And it's the only child that's like that. The

427
00:30:11.880 --> 00:30:16.720
other one isn't. She's more curious. The other one says she

428
00:30:16.720 --> 00:30:22.120
doesn't like it. But she likes she she I know that she likes

429
00:30:22.160 --> 00:30:25.720
when like, he'll like drop flowers off at my house or like

430
00:30:25.720 --> 00:30:29.360
she likes she told me that she's like, you know, Mom, she's like,

431
00:30:29.360 --> 00:30:34.320
I don't like it. But she's like, I'm really happy for you.

432
00:30:34.320 --> 00:30:36.920
Because I know you're really lonely. And I'm really happy to

433
00:30:36.920 --> 00:30:38.400
see you being treated really well.

434
00:30:38.760 --> 00:30:43.520
Okay, so your daughters do they see their dad? They do. Okay.

435
00:30:43.640 --> 00:30:46.280
And does your dad know about Ben? Their dad?

436
00:30:46.760 --> 00:30:50.960
Yes. So that's another piece in this. So like, there's just I

437
00:30:51.360 --> 00:30:52.200
this is crazy.

438
00:30:52.200 --> 00:30:55.120
Do you feel like any of it? Like, of course, you guys kids,

439
00:30:55.120 --> 00:30:58.520
especially kids that are going into puberty. Okay, so preteen

440
00:30:58.520 --> 00:31:02.360
tweens and teens, they already have had a lot of loss, they've

441
00:31:02.360 --> 00:31:04.920
already been through divorce, or you know, your spouse passed

442
00:31:04.920 --> 00:31:10.280
away, death or something. And they are reluctant to lose the

443
00:31:10.280 --> 00:31:13.680
current parent, okay, and the attention of the current parent.

444
00:31:14.000 --> 00:31:16.760
And so they don't want to compete, you guys, it's I look,

445
00:31:16.760 --> 00:31:19.080
my mom was married three times before I was 10 years old, I

446
00:31:19.080 --> 00:31:23.080
understand what it's like to be a kid with this scenario. All

447
00:31:23.080 --> 00:31:28.360
right. And so number one, you know, you have to make sure that

448
00:31:28.760 --> 00:31:31.800
you know, one thing that you can definitely do, and everyone

449
00:31:31.800 --> 00:31:35.560
listen that has children, is that I know, when you're getting

450
00:31:35.560 --> 00:31:38.080
into a new relationship, you feel like a kid again, you're

451
00:31:38.080 --> 00:31:40.880
like a teenager, that's all you think about, you want to talk to

452
00:31:40.880 --> 00:31:43.800
them, and it's so exciting, and flowers and dates and all the

453
00:31:43.800 --> 00:31:48.760
things, try to keep that stuff on your time without your child.

454
00:31:50.280 --> 00:31:55.440
All right. So if you have shared parenting, okay, if you don't

455
00:31:55.440 --> 00:31:57.960
have shared parenting, then when they go to grandma and grandpa's

456
00:31:57.960 --> 00:32:01.720
whatever, if you have shared parenting when it is your former

457
00:32:01.720 --> 00:32:06.040
spouse's time, that is when you are free to date and to talk on

458
00:32:06.040 --> 00:32:10.040
the phone for hours, when your kids are home, continue to pay

459
00:32:10.040 --> 00:32:13.520
the same amount of connection and attention to them as you did

460
00:32:13.520 --> 00:32:17.280
before. Okay, because this is why kids get resentful of their

461
00:32:17.280 --> 00:32:19.440
parents in new relationships, because they already see the

462
00:32:19.440 --> 00:32:22.920
changes, they see the writing on the wall. Okay, so that's

463
00:32:22.920 --> 00:32:25.840
important. The next thing that's important is that when it's time

464
00:32:25.880 --> 00:32:27.640
for them to meet the person because you're got really

465
00:32:27.640 --> 00:32:31.000
serious. So you guys about to be in Cymbus? Yeah. Okay, so it's

466
00:32:31.000 --> 00:32:34.400
serious. It's a marriage minded courtship. When it gets to the

467
00:32:34.400 --> 00:32:39.960
level of serious, then make sure that you are planning some

468
00:32:40.000 --> 00:32:45.520
outings, some fun things, fun, fun, fun things with the kids

469
00:32:45.600 --> 00:32:50.680
with your potential partner. Right? Things that are going to

470
00:32:50.680 --> 00:32:52.840
paint your partner in a great light that they're going to be

471
00:32:52.840 --> 00:32:55.120
able to interact with the kids and have fun. Now with all the

472
00:32:55.120 --> 00:32:58.920
kids, that's seven kids. All right. And kids can feel lost in

473
00:32:58.920 --> 00:33:03.640
the mix there, just with your kids and him. Okay. And then

474
00:33:03.760 --> 00:33:07.760
just with you and his kids, when your kids are at their dads.

475
00:33:08.240 --> 00:33:11.880
All right, and then eventually, all the kids, but let's work up

476
00:33:11.880 --> 00:33:15.320
to that. All right, so that I mean, the all the kids can meet

477
00:33:15.320 --> 00:33:18.920
on like kind of a, you know, a basic level. But let's spend

478
00:33:18.920 --> 00:33:25.080
some quality time getting these kids used to you his and your

479
00:33:25.080 --> 00:33:29.240
is used to him. Right? And then of course, all the kids used to

480
00:33:29.240 --> 00:33:32.680
each other, eventually, five girls and two girls. Geez,

481
00:33:32.720 --> 00:33:41.360
that's a lot. Okay, so, but do the dating when your kids are.

482
00:33:41.760 --> 00:33:46.640
And after you get married, also do that. Okay, get on the same

483
00:33:46.640 --> 00:33:50.360
shared parenting schedule. He has his you have yours all at

484
00:33:50.360 --> 00:33:53.880
the same time. And then you don't have them all at the same

485
00:33:53.880 --> 00:33:57.440
time. So you can be newlyweds. And you can canoodle and you can

486
00:33:57.440 --> 00:34:00.600
do all the things and just get lost in each other. And then

487
00:34:00.600 --> 00:34:03.840
when you have the kids, you're in parent mode. Right? Okay.

488
00:34:05.400 --> 00:34:06.240
Very important.

489
00:34:08.040 --> 00:34:11.800
So the other question I had was, you know, it's not like we're

490
00:34:11.800 --> 00:34:14.159
20. It's not like I'm coming home. I'm like, Oh, you know,

491
00:34:14.159 --> 00:34:16.600
here's my boyfriend. It's just there's so many other

492
00:34:16.600 --> 00:34:21.159
relationships that are affected by our relationship. Sure. I

493
00:34:21.159 --> 00:34:25.040
have a fairly cordial post divorce relationship with my ex,

494
00:34:25.040 --> 00:34:28.840
but he is not taking this well. And he is, you know, I've been

495
00:34:28.840 --> 00:34:31.600
having to have discussions with him. And then after I had those

496
00:34:31.600 --> 00:34:34.080
discussions with him, you know, I go back to Ben because I want

497
00:34:34.080 --> 00:34:38.920
to be honest, dating Ben, not long. It's been up. It's been

498
00:34:38.920 --> 00:34:44.000
like five weeks, but it is like, Oh, no. Yeah. Okay, so there's

499
00:34:44.000 --> 00:34:48.440
our trouble y'all. Okay. So it's going fast. And and that is

500
00:34:48.480 --> 00:34:51.040
that's another reason why your oldest daughter is like, I

501
00:34:51.040 --> 00:34:55.120
don't like it. Yeah. Okay. Because things are changing too

502
00:34:55.120 --> 00:34:57.880
quickly. And you guys, children, especially that have gone

503
00:34:57.880 --> 00:34:59.920
through divorce, they have PTSD.

504
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.640
All right, I know that divorce is so normal now.

505
00:35:03.640 --> 00:35:05.080
Everyone's parents are divorced.

506
00:35:05.080 --> 00:35:09.000
It does not change the fact that it is a trauma, okay,

507
00:35:09.000 --> 00:35:13.320
that gives children post-traumatic stress, all right?

508
00:35:13.320 --> 00:35:17.320
And so anything around relationship of their parents

509
00:35:17.320 --> 00:35:18.800
is gonna be a trigger for them.

510
00:35:18.800 --> 00:35:20.800
And so you have to give them time

511
00:35:20.800 --> 00:35:23.600
to get used to this idea, okay?

512
00:35:23.600 --> 00:35:25.440
You guys are already going into Simbis.

513
00:35:25.440 --> 00:35:26.280
You know, do you feel like,

514
00:35:26.280 --> 00:35:28.480
is he pushing you along this fast?

515
00:35:28.480 --> 00:35:30.640
Are you the one that's driving this car?

516
00:35:30.640 --> 00:35:32.320
No, all right, so it's been six weeks,

517
00:35:32.320 --> 00:35:35.720
but no, I don't know what to say.

518
00:35:35.720 --> 00:35:37.360
Because Alison, that extra week

519
00:35:37.360 --> 00:35:38.400
just makes all the difference.

520
00:35:38.400 --> 00:35:40.560
It totally does, it really does.

521
00:35:40.560 --> 00:35:43.040
It really pushed it over the level.

522
00:35:43.040 --> 00:35:44.680
I don't know what to say.

523
00:35:44.680 --> 00:35:48.520
I feel like how we met was a complete miracle

524
00:35:48.520 --> 00:35:50.240
and I feel the hand of the Lord on this.

525
00:35:50.240 --> 00:35:51.880
Look, we believe in the supernatural here,

526
00:35:51.880 --> 00:35:53.720
but we still have to pace.

527
00:35:53.720 --> 00:35:57.000
Yeah, so I don't know.

528
00:35:57.000 --> 00:35:58.840
Yeah, I just feel like the Simbis

529
00:35:58.840 --> 00:36:01.480
is gonna be a good tool to kind of

530
00:36:01.480 --> 00:36:03.440
figure some of this stuff out ahead of time.

531
00:36:03.440 --> 00:36:04.280
You know, it's not like I have,

532
00:36:04.280 --> 00:36:05.800
I don't know how to gauge.

533
00:36:05.800 --> 00:36:07.960
Do you have your kids on the Simbis night?

534
00:36:09.040 --> 00:36:13.480
Well, they get back at 8.30 and it starts at nine.

535
00:36:13.480 --> 00:36:16.400
So that's gonna be a little challenging, but.

536
00:36:16.400 --> 00:36:17.680
It doesn't start at nine?

537
00:36:18.640 --> 00:36:21.200
I think you have it starting at nine Eastern time.

538
00:36:22.240 --> 00:36:23.880
I could be wrong, I thought I read it,

539
00:36:23.880 --> 00:36:24.720
that's where it starts.

540
00:36:24.720 --> 00:36:26.760
I think it starts at 8.30.

541
00:36:27.360 --> 00:36:28.400
Eastern.

542
00:36:28.400 --> 00:36:30.160
But still, they'll be getting back right then.

543
00:36:30.160 --> 00:36:31.320
Yeah.

544
00:36:31.320 --> 00:36:32.520
Okay.

545
00:36:32.520 --> 00:36:35.360
But they're used to me like doing,

546
00:36:35.360 --> 00:36:37.840
like they know that I have a Zoom class,

547
00:36:37.840 --> 00:36:39.440
like because on Tuesdays and Thursdays

548
00:36:39.440 --> 00:36:40.280
is when they come back.

549
00:36:40.280 --> 00:36:42.080
But I know what the content of that class is

550
00:36:42.080 --> 00:36:44.200
and I know the kind of stuff that you'll be talking about

551
00:36:44.200 --> 00:36:46.480
and or you'll be listening to.

552
00:36:46.480 --> 00:36:49.960
And so, yeah, so you might wanna have the earphones in

553
00:36:49.960 --> 00:36:51.160
and yeah, okay.

554
00:36:51.160 --> 00:36:52.000
Yeah, okay.

555
00:36:52.000 --> 00:36:53.360
Okay, cool.

556
00:36:53.360 --> 00:36:56.360
All right, so you guys, there's the trouble, all right?

557
00:36:57.360 --> 00:36:58.200
And once again,

558
00:36:58.200 --> 00:37:00.480
we believe in supernatural acceleration here.

559
00:37:00.480 --> 00:37:03.320
I tell you, it can happen suddenly, right?

560
00:37:03.320 --> 00:37:05.520
But so we're not saying that this is not a God thing,

561
00:37:05.520 --> 00:37:08.000
but we are saying that even when it is a God thing,

562
00:37:08.000 --> 00:37:11.080
we have to remember that we are not the only people

563
00:37:11.080 --> 00:37:12.280
in the love story.

564
00:37:12.280 --> 00:37:14.840
Our children are in the love story too.

565
00:37:14.840 --> 00:37:17.680
Our in-laws and out-laws are in the love story too.

566
00:37:17.680 --> 00:37:19.960
You know, there are other people's feelings at stake here

567
00:37:19.960 --> 00:37:22.480
and we have to honor those other people's feelings,

568
00:37:22.480 --> 00:37:23.440
all right?

569
00:37:23.440 --> 00:37:25.560
So we have to pace ourselves,

570
00:37:25.560 --> 00:37:27.880
not just at the pace that we wanna go at,

571
00:37:27.880 --> 00:37:30.800
but at the pace that other people can go at too,

572
00:37:30.800 --> 00:37:34.640
because we can't drag people kicking and screaming.

573
00:37:34.640 --> 00:37:37.320
It's just gonna make it worse for you in the long run

574
00:37:37.320 --> 00:37:41.480
if you don't allow people to acclimate now, all right?

575
00:37:41.480 --> 00:37:42.840
So that's important.

576
00:37:42.840 --> 00:37:45.040
All right, so hopefully that answered

577
00:37:45.040 --> 00:37:46.600
a lot of your questions.

578
00:37:46.600 --> 00:37:49.880
Yes, and six weeks really does make the difference over five.

579
00:37:49.880 --> 00:37:51.720
That's good.

580
00:37:51.720 --> 00:37:52.560
All right, thank you.

581
00:37:52.560 --> 00:37:54.680
Well, I mean, it's usually when you can find out

582
00:37:54.680 --> 00:37:55.520
you're pregnant.

583
00:37:55.520 --> 00:37:58.200
So that one week does make a difference in that.

584
00:37:58.200 --> 00:38:00.920
Okay, so, all right.

585
00:38:00.920 --> 00:38:02.840
So, but we are happy.

586
00:38:02.840 --> 00:38:06.240
We are excited for you and Allison,

587
00:38:06.240 --> 00:38:09.920
but at the same time, we wanna pace ourselves.

588
00:38:09.920 --> 00:38:12.280
Okay, and I get to meet him.

589
00:38:12.280 --> 00:38:14.360
So I'll get to meet him on Thursday.

590
00:38:14.360 --> 00:38:15.760
All right, Katie, you're up.

591
00:38:16.720 --> 00:38:19.680
All right, basically a little bit of backstory

592
00:38:19.680 --> 00:38:22.680
and then I'll get to my question for like the current thing.

593
00:38:23.680 --> 00:38:27.080
Pretty much for me, I think a pattern has emerged

594
00:38:27.080 --> 00:38:29.760
that I'm always kind of the best friend to guys

595
00:38:29.760 --> 00:38:33.120
or getting friend zoned and like as far back

596
00:38:33.120 --> 00:38:34.000
as I can remember.

597
00:38:34.000 --> 00:38:37.640
So I've talked to friends, I've done all this stuff,

598
00:38:37.640 --> 00:38:41.040
kind of before I was a believer and then after.

599
00:38:41.040 --> 00:38:44.120
And so I think I'm now at this place

600
00:38:44.120 --> 00:38:47.520
coming into the program that I feel like I've broken

601
00:38:47.520 --> 00:38:50.800
a lot of that stuff off and God has revealed a lot of things.

602
00:38:51.360 --> 00:38:53.400
I've broken soul ties with like Taylor Swift

603
00:38:53.400 --> 00:38:55.800
and her vibe of always a girlfriend, never a bride.

604
00:38:55.800 --> 00:38:58.240
I mean, I'm like doing everything that I can

605
00:38:58.240 --> 00:39:02.000
to try to figure out why this keeps happening for me.

606
00:39:02.000 --> 00:39:04.840
And so I love my guy friends

607
00:39:04.840 --> 00:39:06.680
and I've set some of them up with their wives.

608
00:39:06.680 --> 00:39:08.760
Like I have no problem with this feeling

609
00:39:08.760 --> 00:39:12.800
of community matchmaking if they're not for me, et cetera.

610
00:39:12.800 --> 00:39:16.120
But I think I'm getting to a point now where I'm just like,

611
00:39:16.120 --> 00:39:19.680
is this in me something that I'm putting out there

612
00:39:19.680 --> 00:39:22.120
because I will feel a connection

613
00:39:22.120 --> 00:39:24.360
and then they'll be vibing friends.

614
00:39:24.360 --> 00:39:26.840
And so I'm like, how are we so off?

615
00:39:26.840 --> 00:39:29.680
And it only comes after lack of clarity.

616
00:39:29.680 --> 00:39:33.080
Like there'll be almost like using up my time

617
00:39:33.080 --> 00:39:34.280
and I'll feel this connection.

618
00:39:34.280 --> 00:39:37.160
And then finally I have to be like, what are we doing?

619
00:39:37.160 --> 00:39:38.400
What is this?

620
00:39:38.400 --> 00:39:41.320
And it's, oh, I was just vibing friends.

621
00:39:41.320 --> 00:39:42.840
So then I restrict access.

622
00:39:42.840 --> 00:39:44.520
Like, okay, well, I don't want that.

623
00:39:44.520 --> 00:39:46.200
And then it's like, they're confused

624
00:39:46.200 --> 00:39:48.080
because they don't wanna let me go.

625
00:39:48.080 --> 00:39:49.360
They like my friendship.

626
00:39:50.040 --> 00:39:50.880
They want that.

627
00:39:50.880 --> 00:39:52.280
But then I'm heartbroken

628
00:39:52.280 --> 00:39:54.240
because I'm watching them fall in love with someone else

629
00:39:54.240 --> 00:39:55.120
and whatever.

630
00:39:55.120 --> 00:39:58.600
And so, okay, so that's what I want you to do, Katie.

631
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:05.240
you to and you guys and you guys best friends do make the best lovers, they make the best

632
00:40:05.240 --> 00:40:11.200
partners and spouses. But you don't have to start as best friends, right? It can start

633
00:40:11.200 --> 00:40:17.080
purely romantic. And so because Katie has this pattern, where she always comes in through

634
00:40:17.080 --> 00:40:21.960
the friend door, right? And I can just even just by hearing Katie talk, I can see how

635
00:40:21.960 --> 00:40:26.600
that could happen. Just by seeing her, you know, kind of body language, you know, and

636
00:40:26.600 --> 00:40:31.520
stuff and I could see how that could happen to her. So what I want Katie to do is I want

637
00:40:31.520 --> 00:40:40.280
Katie to come in through the I'm a woman door. All right, from the very first moment she

638
00:40:40.280 --> 00:40:45.200
meets them. All right, meet them on an app. From the very first moment. She's not going

639
00:40:45.200 --> 00:40:50.840
to be look, remember Gilligan's Island, she's not going to be she's not going to be she

640
00:40:50.840 --> 00:40:57.080
is going to be ginger. All right. She's not gonna be Marianne. She gonna be ginger. Remember

641
00:40:57.080 --> 00:41:04.480
ginger? Okay. The Archie comics. She's not going to be you know, which one was which?

642
00:41:04.480 --> 00:41:12.760
She's gonna be Veronica. All right. This is what's gonna happen here. Nobody. Yeah. So

643
00:41:12.760 --> 00:41:17.680
I flirted I have flirted and it's like, it throws them off guard. So then I went to the

644
00:41:17.680 --> 00:41:21.040
apps because I was like, Okay, must be all just my guy friends and whatever. So I go

645
00:41:21.040 --> 00:41:28.160
to the apps. And then it's so physical and sexual. Like, when they know, not all of it.

646
00:41:28.160 --> 00:41:33.280
I get I get proposition a lot for like boy toy cougar situations and a lot of like sugar

647
00:41:33.280 --> 00:41:39.120
daddy, weird app stuff. And I just don't get a lot of dates from apps anyway. Like I finished

648
00:41:39.120 --> 00:41:44.240
the seven date challenge and it took me 18 years to finish. I've got had seven dates

649
00:41:44.240 --> 00:41:51.760
off the apps in 18 years. Okay, so you guys I don't know. Well, let's go into let's use

650
00:41:51.760 --> 00:41:58.400
Katie situation to do a little coaching in an area that I already had written down. Because

651
00:41:58.400 --> 00:42:03.600
I feel like because we're talking about dating apps right now. And that is you guys and really

652
00:42:03.600 --> 00:42:08.000
just in even if it's meeting people in person meeting people out in the wild in person,

653
00:42:08.000 --> 00:42:12.640
whether it's singles events or dating apps, it's a lot like fishing. My grandfather,

654
00:42:12.640 --> 00:42:17.440
he's passed ways in heaven, but he was a country country bumpkin. And he loved to fish.

655
00:42:18.000 --> 00:42:24.240
And I thought fishing was pretty boring. Because, you know, you're not always guaranteed a bite.

656
00:42:25.120 --> 00:42:31.440
Right. And so but my grandpa enjoyed, you know, just the process of fishing. So he would go out

657
00:42:31.440 --> 00:42:39.200
and he would cast his line. Right. And, you know, and just wait, and he get a bite, you guys,

658
00:42:39.760 --> 00:42:43.200
just so you know, the odds are in your favor that you're going to get a bite.

659
00:42:43.920 --> 00:42:47.120
It's going to happen sooner or later, it's going to happen. The thing is,

660
00:42:47.120 --> 00:42:53.680
is that it's not always a quality catch, is it? And so, you know, sheep's head, you know,

661
00:42:54.320 --> 00:42:58.720
all kinds of things that whatever was coming in from the lake, throw it back,

662
00:42:59.440 --> 00:43:06.800
throw it back and throw it back quickly. Guys, throw it back quickly. If someone immediately

663
00:43:06.800 --> 00:43:11.360
propositions you or somebody, you know, they start out, they haven't even known you, hey,

664
00:43:11.360 --> 00:43:17.840
sexy, whatever, just throw it back quickly. You don't got to mess around with that. You don't

665
00:43:17.840 --> 00:43:25.120
got to waste your time with that. So many people waste their time. Also, you say, hey, they say,

666
00:43:25.120 --> 00:43:30.320
hey, you say, how are you doing? What's up with you? They say that. And then the next day, they're,

667
00:43:30.320 --> 00:43:33.040
hey, how are you doing? I already told you how I was doing yesterday.

668
00:43:34.640 --> 00:43:45.200
Right? Ask for the sale. Okay? Ask for the sale immediately. That way, we're not wasting a bunch

669
00:43:45.200 --> 00:43:50.560
of time on these apps. We're not going to say, hey, how are you doing for five months with

670
00:43:50.560 --> 00:43:59.840
someone on an app? We're going to get right to, do you want to get to know me? Do you want to?

671
00:44:00.400 --> 00:44:06.000
Right? Do you want to meet up? Do you want to, do you want to see each other face to face? Yes or

672
00:44:06.000 --> 00:44:10.560
no? All right. We're going to do that because, and you guys, for those of you that go through

673
00:44:10.560 --> 00:44:14.400
and you just swipe on a million people, okay, that's net fishing. And you're going to get a

674
00:44:14.400 --> 00:44:18.880
lot of chump. If you put that net out like that, you're going to get a lot of crazy stuff.

675
00:44:19.760 --> 00:44:27.760
Right? So perhaps only try to talk to a few quality line pole catches at a time.

676
00:44:28.720 --> 00:44:36.560
All right. And when those putter out, then you can move on to more because most of us don't

677
00:44:36.560 --> 00:44:43.360
have the bandwidth to keep up 15 conversations. Most people don't. It's really important.

678
00:44:45.280 --> 00:44:49.440
Only go fishing in Jackie's app. Oh, you guys, I have so many exciting things that I want to

679
00:44:49.440 --> 00:44:56.320
tell you. And the good news is, is that you guys all get to volunteer as tribute for what's about

680
00:44:56.320 --> 00:45:00.080
to happen and it's really exciting. Okay. So.

681
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.360
Um, so the odds are with you, they really are with you.

682
00:45:04.440 --> 00:45:07.160
You're going to get a bite, but we're not all quality.

683
00:45:07.320 --> 00:45:10.720
And so, so Katie here says that when she gets on the app, she's

684
00:45:10.720 --> 00:45:13.520
finding young boys that have some older woman fantasy.

685
00:45:14.280 --> 00:45:15.320
No, bye.

686
00:45:16.240 --> 00:45:21.320
In fact, set your, set your age metrics to not even allow that to happen.

687
00:45:22.440 --> 00:45:22.840
Right.

688
00:45:22.840 --> 00:45:26.520
Set your age metrics that don't show me to anyone and don't show anyone

689
00:45:26.520 --> 00:45:29.400
to me that is not legal.

690
00:45:30.000 --> 00:45:35.080
They can still do what they can still go through some of the parameters, but

691
00:45:35.080 --> 00:45:37.680
also I still want a family.

692
00:45:37.680 --> 00:45:42.440
So like late thirties, um, is kind of sometimes where it ends up and

693
00:45:42.440 --> 00:45:43.400
that's why I throw them back.

694
00:45:43.400 --> 00:45:44.200
That's why I've only had seven.

695
00:45:44.600 --> 00:45:45.360
How old are you?

696
00:45:45.680 --> 00:45:46.160
45.

697
00:45:47.760 --> 00:45:48.440
Oh, 45.

698
00:45:48.480 --> 00:45:48.800
Okay.

699
00:45:49.040 --> 00:45:52.480
So you're, you're thinking that men that are still in their late thirties

700
00:45:52.480 --> 00:45:54.840
are still willing to father a child.

701
00:45:55.080 --> 00:45:56.080
A lot of the guys.

702
00:45:56.080 --> 00:45:56.400
Yeah.

703
00:45:56.400 --> 00:45:59.880
My age have set like no more kids or don't want any more kids.

704
00:45:59.880 --> 00:46:01.480
So I'm open to that.

705
00:46:01.480 --> 00:46:02.600
A lot of the sectum ease.

706
00:46:03.720 --> 00:46:07.800
They tell me, okay, so gotcha.

707
00:46:07.800 --> 00:46:09.200
So you're still hoping for a family.

708
00:46:09.240 --> 00:46:09.720
I gotcha.

709
00:46:09.840 --> 00:46:10.200
Okay.

710
00:46:10.480 --> 00:46:19.400
So, um, so the best advice that I can give you is, you know, um, Don't

711
00:46:19.400 --> 00:46:20.440
come into the front door.

712
00:46:20.440 --> 00:46:23.640
Don't come in through the mom door to make sure that you don't come

713
00:46:23.640 --> 00:46:24.840
in through any of those doors.

714
00:46:24.840 --> 00:46:29.640
Don't come in through the, um, you know, uh, put a little bit more.

715
00:46:30.080 --> 00:46:34.680
Um, what's the word that I want?

716
00:46:34.680 --> 00:46:36.200
It's not urgency.

717
00:46:36.320 --> 00:46:39.480
That's not the word, but you know, put a little more weight on it.

718
00:46:41.400 --> 00:46:43.360
Put a little bit more weight on the connection.

719
00:46:44.040 --> 00:46:44.560
Okay.

720
00:46:44.640 --> 00:46:51.960
Um, and what I mean by that is, is that you guys, a lot of times in order to

721
00:46:52.040 --> 00:46:56.360
kind of keep ourselves from disappointment, we hold things a little too loosely.

722
00:46:57.480 --> 00:47:01.320
I think it's important because there are people that are serious about

723
00:47:01.320 --> 00:47:03.120
kingdom partnership out there.

724
00:47:03.360 --> 00:47:05.640
And if we want to meet those people, then we need to hold

725
00:47:05.640 --> 00:47:07.320
ourselves super seriously too.

726
00:47:07.800 --> 00:47:10.760
You know, if you need to sit down and write a little resume for

727
00:47:10.760 --> 00:47:12.560
yourself about why you're a catch.

728
00:47:13.240 --> 00:47:15.800
Cause if you're pole fishing, someone else's pole fishing too.

729
00:47:15.800 --> 00:47:16.920
Why are you a catch?

730
00:47:17.480 --> 00:47:21.360
Why should someone really want to get to know you romantically?

731
00:47:22.000 --> 00:47:24.280
Why should they want to get to know you romantically?

732
00:47:25.040 --> 00:47:26.600
What kind of spouse would you be?

733
00:47:26.600 --> 00:47:28.000
What kind of partner would you be?

734
00:47:28.000 --> 00:47:29.440
What kind of parent would you be?

735
00:47:30.360 --> 00:47:32.720
You know, sometimes we've got to get that in front of our face

736
00:47:32.760 --> 00:47:36.480
because a lot of times, you know, we don't know it, but we're actually

737
00:47:36.480 --> 00:47:40.800
devaluing ourselves in these interactions.

738
00:47:41.120 --> 00:47:46.600
We're not really showing people that, you know, we're the best pick.

739
00:47:47.400 --> 00:47:47.880
Right.

740
00:47:48.320 --> 00:47:51.000
And so we got to feel that way about ourselves before we can

741
00:47:51.000 --> 00:47:55.240
actually make someone else feel that way about us, because there's no

742
00:47:55.240 --> 00:48:00.080
doubt in my mind that if I was single right now, God forbid, something

743
00:48:00.080 --> 00:48:04.640
happened to Davey Dorman, you know, that I could go out and, you

744
00:48:04.640 --> 00:48:07.000
know, meet someone and get married.

745
00:48:08.240 --> 00:48:11.640
And that does not have anything to do with the fact that I think I'm cute.

746
00:48:12.120 --> 00:48:13.280
It doesn't have to do with that.

747
00:48:13.480 --> 00:48:16.440
It has to do with the fact that I know that I'm a great partner.

748
00:48:17.600 --> 00:48:18.760
I know that I'm a great partner.

749
00:48:19.440 --> 00:48:20.800
I know that I'm a great woman.

750
00:48:21.440 --> 00:48:26.920
You know, I know that I have a lot to offer relationship and people will be

751
00:48:26.920 --> 00:48:31.880
stupid not to want to be in relationship with me and you got to get that, Katie.

752
00:48:32.200 --> 00:48:37.800
These men would be insane not to choose me and to want to

753
00:48:37.800 --> 00:48:39.400
keep me in some friend zone.

754
00:48:40.600 --> 00:48:42.640
You know, I'm a great woman.

755
00:48:43.000 --> 00:48:43.880
I'm intelligent.

756
00:48:43.920 --> 00:48:44.360
I'm smart.

757
00:48:44.360 --> 00:48:45.840
I'm talking about, you know, I'm intelligent.

758
00:48:45.880 --> 00:48:46.440
I'm smart.

759
00:48:46.440 --> 00:48:47.720
I'm, I'm sexy.

760
00:48:47.720 --> 00:48:48.800
I'm a great lover.

761
00:48:49.280 --> 00:48:53.600
I'm this, I'm that, you know, we gotta, gotta get, gotta dig into it.

762
00:48:53.920 --> 00:48:54.440
Okay.

763
00:48:54.840 --> 00:48:59.080
So that we can exude that with people.

764
00:49:00.600 --> 00:49:00.840
Right.

765
00:49:00.840 --> 00:49:03.840
I have, I'm not saying that you should do this, Katie, but some of you

766
00:49:03.920 --> 00:49:08.000
might want this coaching ladies, you know, don't be afraid to, you know,

767
00:49:08.560 --> 00:49:09.880
I mean, look, I got a little shoulder up.

768
00:49:10.280 --> 00:49:14.600
Don't be afraid to show a little shoulder, you know not anything

769
00:49:14.880 --> 00:49:19.720
immodest, but something that reminds people that you're a woman.

770
00:49:19.800 --> 00:49:20.280
Okay.

771
00:49:20.440 --> 00:49:21.200
I have a client.

772
00:49:21.200 --> 00:49:23.080
She's high level, high level client.

773
00:49:23.440 --> 00:49:25.480
And, um, she sent me a picture.

774
00:49:25.640 --> 00:49:28.040
You guys, she had the tiniest cleavage out.

775
00:49:28.240 --> 00:49:30.280
I mean the tiniest cleavage out.

776
00:49:30.320 --> 00:49:33.840
I'm not saying she has tiny cleavage, but she had the tiniest cleavage showing.

777
00:49:34.320 --> 00:49:35.520
But what I met her, she was wearing.

778
00:49:37.680 --> 00:49:39.080
It's this is what she looked like.

779
00:49:39.320 --> 00:49:43.880
And I was like, honey, honey, this is why you have no boyfriend.

780
00:49:44.040 --> 00:49:44.440
Okay.

781
00:49:44.600 --> 00:49:48.280
So pull it down a little bit, a little off the shoulder, you know, kind of thing.

782
00:49:48.640 --> 00:49:52.520
Get, you know, and just I'm cute.

783
00:49:52.920 --> 00:49:53.600
Feel cute.

784
00:49:53.800 --> 00:49:54.520
Feel yourself.

785
00:49:54.680 --> 00:49:56.000
Stacy knows what I'm talking about.

786
00:49:56.160 --> 00:49:58.000
Feel yourself, feel yourself a little bit.

787
00:49:58.440 --> 00:49:59.320
Um, all right.

788
00:49:59.720 --> 00:49:59.920
And.

789
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.360
So unless you live in the frozen tundra

790
00:50:02.360 --> 00:50:03.660
and it's the middle of winter,

791
00:50:03.660 --> 00:50:05.560
feel yourself a little bit, all right?

792
00:50:06.820 --> 00:50:09.440
And I'm not talking about sun's out, buns out.

793
00:50:09.440 --> 00:50:11.320
I'm not talking about that, okay?

794
00:50:12.280 --> 00:50:15.180
Gentlemen, sun's out, guns out, maybe.

795
00:50:16.320 --> 00:50:21.320
But you know, when you look a little,

796
00:50:21.520 --> 00:50:22.640
when you feel a little flirty,

797
00:50:22.640 --> 00:50:24.120
yeah, it's a little flirty.

798
00:50:24.120 --> 00:50:27.760
And especially at the beginning, boy meet girl,

799
00:50:27.760 --> 00:50:29.860
flirty is good, flirty is good.

800
00:50:30.560 --> 00:50:33.800
All right, so we're believing that Katie

801
00:50:33.800 --> 00:50:35.440
is going to go out of the friend zone

802
00:50:35.440 --> 00:50:39.800
and into the end zone on her next update.

803
00:50:39.800 --> 00:50:40.880
She's gonna meet someone

804
00:50:40.880 --> 00:50:43.360
who doesn't wanna be her friend at all.

805
00:50:44.560 --> 00:50:46.400
Because friendship can come later.

806
00:50:46.400 --> 00:50:47.600
It really can, you guys.

807
00:50:47.600 --> 00:50:49.560
Friendship can come later.

808
00:50:49.560 --> 00:50:53.640
But that wants to be more than friends,

809
00:50:53.640 --> 00:50:55.160
right, from the beginning.

810
00:50:55.160 --> 00:50:57.360
So I see a couple extra hands that went up

811
00:50:57.360 --> 00:50:58.660
than people from before.

812
00:50:58.660 --> 00:50:59.500
So we'll start here.

813
00:50:59.940 --> 00:51:01.060
Is that how you say this?

814
00:51:01.060 --> 00:51:03.060
Is that how you say your name?

815
00:51:03.060 --> 00:51:04.220
Because I'm terrible.

816
00:51:04.220 --> 00:51:06.420
Yeah, it was Dean.

817
00:51:06.420 --> 00:51:08.700
All right, what do you got?

818
00:51:08.700 --> 00:51:11.800
Well, you had commented on my little weekly update,

819
00:51:12.980 --> 00:51:16.620
but I get very in my head after first dates.

820
00:51:16.620 --> 00:51:20.760
I mean, I'm still going out on a lot of first dates

821
00:51:20.760 --> 00:51:24.100
and trying to do second dates,

822
00:51:24.100 --> 00:51:25.940
but I just get very in my head

823
00:51:25.940 --> 00:51:29.020
and very like, I start to spiral in my head

824
00:51:29.380 --> 00:51:33.500
about how it's my fault that, you know,

825
00:51:33.500 --> 00:51:35.300
I don't know that I'm too picky or,

826
00:51:35.300 --> 00:51:38.620
I mean, I know a lot of that has started to be revealed

827
00:51:38.620 --> 00:51:39.900
from the first few phases.

828
00:51:39.900 --> 00:51:41.660
So I know there is a lot of fear there

829
00:51:41.660 --> 00:51:45.140
that's probably been passed down generationally and whatnot,

830
00:51:46.060 --> 00:51:49.700
but that's kind of where I've been.

831
00:51:49.700 --> 00:51:52.140
And this last one, I went on a first date,

832
00:51:52.140 --> 00:51:54.020
it was at the zoo, it was fun.

833
00:51:54.020 --> 00:51:55.220
He was very gentlemanly.

834
00:51:55.220 --> 00:51:56.820
He is a believer.

835
00:51:56.820 --> 00:51:58.380
We have different backgrounds,

836
00:51:58.380 --> 00:52:01.580
which I'm just being open about that

837
00:52:01.580 --> 00:52:04.460
and different educational level,

838
00:52:04.460 --> 00:52:08.260
which I know you've talked about before as well.

839
00:52:08.260 --> 00:52:10.780
And so that's kind of something

840
00:52:10.780 --> 00:52:13.780
I'm also trying to work through is, you know, what,

841
00:52:13.780 --> 00:52:16.020
okay, they have a different educational background.

842
00:52:16.020 --> 00:52:19.500
I feel very confident in my success

843
00:52:19.500 --> 00:52:21.120
and education has been important

844
00:52:21.120 --> 00:52:22.660
in my family background as well.

845
00:52:22.660 --> 00:52:25.460
And so, yeah, those were kind of the places

846
00:52:25.460 --> 00:52:27.220
that I was spiraling down like,

847
00:52:27.220 --> 00:52:29.660
well, because I'm very educated,

848
00:52:29.660 --> 00:52:33.100
I can't find some honor because I'm in a certain city.

849
00:52:35.140 --> 00:52:37.540
So I don't know what it means for me.

850
00:52:37.540 --> 00:52:38.380
Well, first of all,

851
00:52:38.380 --> 00:52:40.900
we're not gonna talk about what we can't do, right?

852
00:52:40.900 --> 00:52:42.140
We're gonna talk about what we can do.

853
00:52:42.140 --> 00:52:43.820
Everybody, we're gonna talk about what we can do.

854
00:52:43.820 --> 00:52:46.100
And for those of you, I see messages coming,

855
00:52:46.100 --> 00:52:46.980
I'm on my iPad,

856
00:52:46.980 --> 00:52:49.260
so I can only kind of see them over here in the corner.

857
00:52:49.260 --> 00:52:51.380
Guys, I'm not talking about seducing someone

858
00:52:51.380 --> 00:52:53.180
with your naked body, okay?

859
00:52:54.060 --> 00:52:56.260
I'm talking about, do what you need to do

860
00:52:56.300 --> 00:52:58.860
to remind yourself and the man that you're talking to

861
00:52:58.860 --> 00:53:01.700
that you're a woman, right?

862
00:53:01.700 --> 00:53:04.480
That you're a woman, all right?

863
00:53:05.700 --> 00:53:07.220
Yes, I will tell you,

864
00:53:07.220 --> 00:53:09.740
when I coach men, one of their biggest fears,

865
00:53:09.740 --> 00:53:11.620
one of the men, one of men's biggest fears,

866
00:53:11.620 --> 00:53:14.580
I don't care how much they love Jesus,

867
00:53:14.580 --> 00:53:18.220
one of men's biggest fears, as they tell me privately,

868
00:53:18.220 --> 00:53:20.300
is that they're gonna end up with a woman

869
00:53:20.300 --> 00:53:24.820
who is rigid and frigid, okay?

870
00:53:24.820 --> 00:53:26.940
That does not like to be affectionate.

871
00:53:26.940 --> 00:53:29.220
Not just sex, it doesn't like to be affectionate.

872
00:53:29.220 --> 00:53:34.220
That doesn't like to be womanly with their manly, right?

873
00:53:34.260 --> 00:53:38.140
And so, show from the very beginning that you're warm,

874
00:53:38.140 --> 00:53:40.860
that you're open, that you're, you know,

875
00:53:40.860 --> 00:53:43.620
there's a difference between being sexual and sensual.

876
00:53:43.620 --> 00:53:45.620
Sensual has to do with the senses.

877
00:53:45.620 --> 00:53:49.460
We want their senses to be aware of the fact

878
00:53:49.460 --> 00:53:51.620
that we're a woman, whether it's the perfume you wear

879
00:53:51.620 --> 00:53:53.220
or the way you curled your hair,

880
00:53:53.260 --> 00:53:56.380
or, you know, just get into your feminine,

881
00:53:56.380 --> 00:53:58.860
not just the inside, but the outside, okay?

882
00:53:58.860 --> 00:54:00.020
So that's what I'm saying.

883
00:54:00.020 --> 00:54:03.300
All right, so let me ask you a question.

884
00:54:03.300 --> 00:54:04.500
I want you to be honest.

885
00:54:05.380 --> 00:54:06.340
Are you picky?

886
00:54:07.500 --> 00:54:12.500
I have been, so I'm working on opening my like parameters.

887
00:54:13.100 --> 00:54:14.780
Like I've, in this challenge,

888
00:54:14.780 --> 00:54:19.780
I've dated outside of my race preferences a lot more,

889
00:54:19.940 --> 00:54:21.300
educational backgrounds.

890
00:54:21.300 --> 00:54:22.380
That's awesome.

891
00:54:22.380 --> 00:54:26.140
So it's been really challenging for me personally,

892
00:54:26.140 --> 00:54:28.180
just to be an uncomfortable,

893
00:54:28.180 --> 00:54:32.020
like be with people who are different than me,

894
00:54:32.020 --> 00:54:32.860
but it's been awesome.

895
00:54:32.860 --> 00:54:33.980
I love what you're saying right now.

896
00:54:33.980 --> 00:54:36.260
And you guys, it's not gonna go away right away.

897
00:54:36.260 --> 00:54:39.100
All of us like what we are familiar with.

898
00:54:39.100 --> 00:54:41.620
I just got back from Columbia.

899
00:54:41.620 --> 00:54:42.660
And you know what?

900
00:54:42.660 --> 00:54:45.140
Columbia is supposed to have the best food in the world.

901
00:54:45.140 --> 00:54:47.700
They have food from all over the world in Columbia,

902
00:54:47.700 --> 00:54:49.580
every kind of restaurant you could think of.

903
00:54:49.580 --> 00:54:52.140
I found myself actually eating the same stuff

904
00:54:52.900 --> 00:54:55.900
that I eat in America, right?

905
00:54:55.900 --> 00:54:58.420
Cause we are creatures of habit, aren't we?

906
00:54:58.420 --> 00:55:00.420
And we gravitate towards what's familiar.

907
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:10.000
And the thing is, is that just because you don't just because you don't think you like it doesn't mean it's not good.

908
00:55:10.000 --> 00:55:14.000
Right. There were lots of things that other people were eating that they were like, Jackie, try this.

909
00:55:14.000 --> 00:55:19.000
And I was like, no. And this is how we are a lot in our relationships as well.

910
00:55:19.000 --> 00:55:26.000
We look at it. It's unfamiliar. We're not saying that it's not doesn't have any value because other people are obviously enjoying it.

911
00:55:26.000 --> 00:55:31.000
We're just saying that we don't think it's for us. But maybe it is.

912
00:55:31.000 --> 00:55:36.000
Maybe we should take a little nibble. Right. Take a little taste and see.

913
00:55:36.000 --> 00:55:43.000
And so it sounds like you're doing that. But here's what I want you to do, because I'm remembering your post now.

914
00:55:43.000 --> 00:55:52.000
I want you to give it a little longer. Give it a little longer. Guys, not everyone's a quick sell.

915
00:55:52.000 --> 00:55:59.000
And if I had time, I could go through the love stories from this community only.

916
00:55:59.000 --> 00:56:08.000
OK. Where people weren't really sure that they were interested at first and now they're happily married to them.

917
00:56:08.000 --> 00:56:13.000
Because some people, they just they don't win you over right away.

918
00:56:13.000 --> 00:56:22.000
There are people that you have to get to know in order to really see how great they are.

919
00:56:22.000 --> 00:56:28.000
In fact, I don't know if it was you or not. It may not have been you, but another lady or you, I'm not sure who it was.

920
00:56:28.000 --> 00:56:40.000
They posted about how they had seen a few people and, you know, what exactly did they say?

921
00:56:40.000 --> 00:56:50.000
Basically, the advice that I gave them is, you know, why don't you why don't you take the same advice that you're giving these other people, these guys?

922
00:56:50.000 --> 00:56:55.000
And that is, you know, give it some more time. Right.

923
00:56:55.000 --> 00:57:00.000
Oh, I know what it was. They liked someone and the person was just like, no, I just want to be friends.

924
00:57:00.000 --> 00:57:04.000
And they were saying to them, well, hey, you don't even know me yet. Give it some more time.

925
00:57:04.000 --> 00:57:13.000
And yet they were doing that exact same thing to other people. So let's take our own advice, y'all, and give it some time.

926
00:57:13.000 --> 00:57:18.000
Right, guys, there are some things that are immediate. No. Right.

927
00:57:18.000 --> 00:57:24.000
I already said you pull in the sheep's head, you reel in the line, you see what it is, you just throw it back.

928
00:57:24.000 --> 00:57:30.000
And those are the people that are overtly after sex. You know, they are very obviously not a Christ follower.

929
00:57:30.000 --> 00:57:35.000
Like you don't even have to guess, you know, immediately that this person does not practicing faith.

930
00:57:35.000 --> 00:57:40.000
All right. Those are it's a yes until it's a no. And that's that's a no.

931
00:57:40.000 --> 00:57:45.000
But there are other people that it's more ambiguous. You don't know. You really don't know what they're all about.

932
00:57:45.000 --> 00:57:50.000
Give yourself a chance to get to know them. I know that we're all like we feel like we're in a race against time.

933
00:57:50.000 --> 00:57:58.000
I don't want to waste any time. You guys, any time that you spend getting to know another creation of God is not a waste of your time.

934
00:57:58.000 --> 00:58:06.000
Let's not see people as wasted time. Right. It's important that we don't treat people like that.

935
00:58:06.000 --> 00:58:11.000
OK, so I think you're on the right track. I really do.

936
00:58:11.000 --> 00:58:17.000
And I think all of the only advice that I want to give you right now is now you're taking a little tiny nibble.

937
00:58:17.000 --> 00:58:26.000
Let's just eat a little more. Let's give it a little bit more time before we mark it off the list to see what unfolds.

938
00:58:26.000 --> 00:58:30.000
Cool. All right. Report back. We want to know. And I love it. Don't you guys love it?

939
00:58:30.000 --> 00:58:34.000
How she's like the world is right behind her. She got an atlas behind her.

940
00:58:34.000 --> 00:58:41.000
I feel like Holy Spirit is saying, you know, taste and see Skittles. It's a rainbow.

941
00:58:41.000 --> 00:58:49.000
You know, you just don't know. Right. International. Don't know. You don't know what's going to happen.

942
00:58:49.000 --> 00:58:55.000
OK. And you guys. And the good thing about being in America is all the all the nations are here.

943
00:58:55.000 --> 00:59:03.000
They're all here. So if you get like a international kind of marriage word, it doesn't mean you're going to move internationally.

944
00:59:03.000 --> 00:59:09.000
It could be right here. All right. Stacy, you're up.

945
00:59:09.000 --> 00:59:14.000
I think you may have had some other people before me that you already had in the rotation.

946
00:59:14.000 --> 00:59:19.000
OK, so you're not the rotation already. OK, so keep your keep your hand up.

947
00:59:19.000 --> 00:59:27.000
Abigail, did I tell you to come here tonight? OK, so go ahead, Abigail.

948
00:59:27.000 --> 00:59:31.000
Yes, by the way, that's my daughter's name that's in heaven.

949
00:59:31.000 --> 00:59:38.000
I have a daughter now, and I'm so happy that you know that your name means a father's joy.

950
00:59:38.000 --> 00:59:43.000
I do, and I like going by Abigail, not Abby. Great.

951
00:59:43.000 --> 00:59:53.000
And yeah, so you had commented I had I commented somewhere on the page and you told me to ask the question on love seats.

952
00:59:53.000 --> 01:00:00.000
I was wondering when we should start offering to help pay for dates.

953
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:06.600
I've gone out with this guy four times and we have a few more dates planned so I've just

954
01:00:06.600 --> 01:00:08.600
heard a lot of very like conflicting...

955
01:00:08.600 --> 01:00:10.160
How old are you?

956
01:00:10.160 --> 01:00:11.160
How old are you Abigail?

957
01:00:11.160 --> 01:00:12.160
I'm 29.

958
01:00:12.160 --> 01:00:13.160
Okay.

959
01:00:13.160 --> 01:00:15.360
And do you like this guy?

960
01:00:15.360 --> 01:00:17.640
Do you think that there could be a potential romance?

961
01:00:17.640 --> 01:00:18.640
Yeah.

962
01:00:18.640 --> 01:00:23.800
I've gone on a lot of dates the past year and I really like him.

963
01:00:23.800 --> 01:00:24.800
Okay.

964
01:00:24.800 --> 01:00:25.800
So I'm going to...

965
01:00:25.800 --> 01:00:32.120
So Abigail's question, just in case you guys missed it, is when should she start helping

966
01:00:32.120 --> 01:00:40.000
pay financially for the meal, the date, okay, as she's getting to know this guy, as they're

967
01:00:40.000 --> 01:00:41.000
dating.

968
01:00:41.000 --> 01:00:42.000
They're dating.

969
01:00:42.000 --> 01:00:44.000
And I'm going to let Paul Brandt answer this question.

970
01:00:44.000 --> 01:00:49.400
Paul, when should a woman start paying for the date?

971
01:00:49.400 --> 01:00:51.960
Wow.

972
01:00:51.960 --> 01:00:54.440
I was waiting for your answer, Jackie.

973
01:00:55.320 --> 01:00:57.400
I feel like you're going to have a good answer.

974
01:00:57.400 --> 01:01:06.240
Well, I mean, I just keep offering, I mean, in the relationship I'm at, if we go like

975
01:01:06.240 --> 01:01:11.720
two or three places, she usually just like picks up one of them.

976
01:01:11.720 --> 01:01:13.760
Like without me, you know, I never ask.

977
01:01:13.760 --> 01:01:16.040
And so I don't have a set...

978
01:01:16.040 --> 01:01:19.160
But you let her, but you let her do it.

979
01:01:19.160 --> 01:01:20.160
I do.

980
01:01:20.160 --> 01:01:23.600
I mean, usually she kind of sneaks a credit card or something, but I'm not like, no, you

981
01:01:23.760 --> 01:01:24.760
can't.

982
01:01:24.760 --> 01:01:31.040
You know, I think it's kind of give and take and, you know, so I don't have a set question.

983
01:01:31.040 --> 01:01:34.560
I knew that Paul was going to have a great answer like this, and I just knew, like he

984
01:01:34.560 --> 01:01:36.440
was highlighted by Holy Spirit.

985
01:01:36.440 --> 01:01:40.480
And ladies, I know that you're shocked that, you know, that, because a lot of you are like

986
01:01:40.480 --> 01:01:43.480
never, never, never.

987
01:01:43.480 --> 01:01:44.480
Okay.

988
01:01:44.480 --> 01:01:45.480
I get it.

989
01:01:45.480 --> 01:01:46.480
I understand.

990
01:01:46.480 --> 01:01:50.000
But I want to talk to you really quickly about the history of the man paying the check.

991
01:01:50.000 --> 01:01:51.200
And it's in my new dating book.

992
01:01:51.520 --> 01:01:55.080
This is not a shameless plug for my new dating book, but it is in there.

993
01:01:55.080 --> 01:01:56.080
Okay.

994
01:01:56.080 --> 01:02:00.720
And you guys, and this is important because people that are Abigail's age, so Gen Z and

995
01:02:00.720 --> 01:02:04.560
younger millennials, they are asking this question.

996
01:02:04.560 --> 01:02:06.240
They're asking this question.

997
01:02:06.240 --> 01:02:07.240
Okay.

998
01:02:07.240 --> 01:02:11.800
And so, because men are, men are feeling used, especially when women are going out and they're

999
01:02:11.800 --> 01:02:16.000
not interested at all and the men's paying, you know, and chivalry, you know, and all

1000
01:02:16.000 --> 01:02:17.000
the things.

1001
01:02:17.000 --> 01:02:21.480
So you guys, the history of a man paying the bill is not what you think it is.

1002
01:02:21.480 --> 01:02:23.440
It's not chivalry at all.

1003
01:02:23.440 --> 01:02:25.640
It is the turn of the century.

1004
01:02:25.640 --> 01:02:26.640
Okay.

1005
01:02:26.640 --> 01:02:29.400
Women are in the workforce because of the war.

1006
01:02:29.400 --> 01:02:32.040
So women are leaving their homes or going into the city.

1007
01:02:32.040 --> 01:02:33.360
They're working in factories.

1008
01:02:33.360 --> 01:02:36.600
They're working in commerce because the men are at war.

1009
01:02:36.600 --> 01:02:41.200
The men that are not at war that are home, they're also working in those places.

1010
01:02:41.200 --> 01:02:42.200
Okay.

1011
01:02:42.280 --> 01:02:47.760
But the women are getting paid half of what the men are getting paid because the owners

1012
01:02:47.760 --> 01:02:52.600
of those corporations don't think that women should get paid the same as men because they're

1013
01:02:52.600 --> 01:03:00.120
assuming that the woman is only working to supplement the income of some man that's gone

1014
01:03:00.120 --> 01:03:05.240
to war or some man that's home that can't make ends meet because of the war.

1015
01:03:05.240 --> 01:03:09.200
So they're paying her kind of like an extra little income for the family, a little second

1016
01:03:09.200 --> 01:03:10.200
income.

1017
01:03:10.200 --> 01:03:11.200
Right.

1018
01:03:11.200 --> 01:03:14.400
So they're paying half or less than half of what men are making.

1019
01:03:14.400 --> 01:03:18.720
So these city girls that were living in the city that were working at these same places

1020
01:03:18.720 --> 01:03:22.280
but making half the money, they couldn't afford to eat out.

1021
01:03:22.280 --> 01:03:29.240
And so the men took advantage of that situation and, you know, ask these women to go to eat

1022
01:03:29.240 --> 01:03:34.600
with them and they would always pay the bill knowing that the women did not have enough

1023
01:03:34.600 --> 01:03:37.640
money to pay for it.

1024
01:03:37.640 --> 01:03:41.760
That is the history of the men picking up the tab during dating.

1025
01:03:41.760 --> 01:03:42.760
Okay.

1026
01:03:42.760 --> 01:03:47.480
It's not a really great history, is it?

1027
01:03:47.480 --> 01:03:48.480
It's not.

1028
01:03:48.480 --> 01:03:54.880
Now, gentlemen, when you're first getting to know a woman and you don't know her at

1029
01:03:54.880 --> 01:03:55.880
all.

1030
01:03:55.880 --> 01:03:56.880
Okay.

1031
01:03:56.880 --> 01:03:57.880
You're going out with her.

1032
01:03:57.880 --> 01:03:59.080
Always pick up the tab.

1033
01:03:59.080 --> 01:04:02.340
Always make sure that you have enough money to pick up the coffee.

1034
01:04:02.340 --> 01:04:04.040
Please don't do this, guys.

1035
01:04:04.040 --> 01:04:05.040
Don't say, okay.

1036
01:04:05.040 --> 01:04:06.040
Yeah.

1037
01:04:06.040 --> 01:04:07.200
Hey, let's go to coffee.

1038
01:04:07.760 --> 01:04:10.920
And then you get there before she does and order your coffee and go sit at the table

1039
01:04:10.920 --> 01:04:15.840
so that when she comes in, she goes up to order her coffee and then she pays for it

1040
01:04:15.840 --> 01:04:19.080
because you're already sitting down with your coffee.

1041
01:04:19.080 --> 01:04:20.080
Don't do that.

1042
01:04:20.080 --> 01:04:21.080
All right.

1043
01:04:21.080 --> 01:04:22.440
You're going to set a bad precedent.

1044
01:04:22.440 --> 01:04:24.360
And then you got to kind of read the woman.

1045
01:04:24.360 --> 01:04:28.160
Some women are old fashioned and it doesn't matter how much we would do this type of coaching

1046
01:04:28.160 --> 01:04:29.200
in this session.

1047
01:04:29.200 --> 01:04:31.400
They still will think that you're a jerk.

1048
01:04:31.400 --> 01:04:40.000
If you ever even think about looking at them to pay, even half going Dutch, all the things.

1049
01:04:40.000 --> 01:04:41.000
All right.

1050
01:04:41.000 --> 01:04:42.000
No.

1051
01:04:42.000 --> 01:04:43.000
Some women.

1052
01:04:43.000 --> 01:04:44.000
So read the room.

1053
01:04:44.000 --> 01:04:47.280
And if the girl that you're liking is like that, then make sure that you understand that

1054
01:04:47.280 --> 01:04:48.720
that's not going to be a thing.

1055
01:04:48.720 --> 01:04:49.720
All right.

1056
01:04:49.720 --> 01:04:52.840
For everybody else, the first, second, you know, maybe even third date while you're trying

1057
01:04:52.840 --> 01:04:55.440
to decide whether you really want to get to know this person better.

1058
01:04:55.440 --> 01:04:56.800
Like where Abigail is.

1059
01:04:56.800 --> 01:04:59.720
She said they've been on three or four dates and they have several more planned.

1060
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:08.000
Abigail, I think that it would be kind of you to at least offer to pick up a check on one of your

1061
01:05:08.000 --> 01:05:13.040
next dates since you guys have been out so many times. He may not let you, and if he doesn't,

1062
01:05:13.600 --> 01:05:21.040
don't force it. He may not let you. If you're saying, he's like, no, absolutely not. Then

1063
01:05:21.040 --> 01:05:25.040
don't do it because he's an old-fashioned guy. There's old-fashioned women and there's old-fashioned

1064
01:05:25.040 --> 01:05:31.840
men. Yeah, I offered on the third and fourth dates. The third one, he was like, no, I've got

1065
01:05:31.840 --> 01:05:37.920
it. The fourth one, he let me help cover part of the meal. And you know what that might say?

1066
01:05:37.920 --> 01:05:40.880
That might say that he's actually starting to see you like a girlfriend.

1067
01:05:42.880 --> 01:05:48.480
Because she's like, I hope so. I hope so. I hope so. Because I guess when I was dating David,

1068
01:05:49.040 --> 01:05:58.080
once we were dating, I definitely contributed. So if you're a princess and you're like, no, no,

1069
01:05:58.080 --> 01:06:05.360
never, never, never, then fine. Do you, boo. But I do not think in this modern age where women,

1070
01:06:06.960 --> 01:06:12.560
parity still exists. There is a wage gap. I'm not going to go into full throttle feminism right now,

1071
01:06:12.560 --> 01:06:20.240
but women have money too. And if you're going places and you want to treat him sometime,

1072
01:06:20.240 --> 01:06:26.800
men really do appreciate that. Men do appreciate that. They do. They're touched by that sometimes,

1073
01:06:26.800 --> 01:06:34.080
depending on what kind of guy it is. That you're not just using him, that you also are wanting to

1074
01:06:34.800 --> 01:06:39.920
give to him. And so I think, and here's another thing that I want to say, since this is perfect

1075
01:06:39.920 --> 01:06:49.680
right here, men's job ladies is not to pursue us. Okay. Their job is to show intentional

1076
01:06:50.640 --> 01:06:57.840
interest in us. And then we reciprocate or we don't reciprocate. After that initial hanky drop,

1077
01:06:57.840 --> 01:07:02.880
after that initial face-to-face, that initial meetup, it's their job to show intentional

1078
01:07:02.880 --> 01:07:10.320
interest in us. Right. And if we reciprocate intentional interest back, then what happens

1079
01:07:10.320 --> 01:07:15.840
there is it's both of our jobs to continue the connection by pursuing each other. It's not the

1080
01:07:15.840 --> 01:07:21.120
man's job to pursue. We have to pursue connection with each other. Both of us, the woman has to

1081
01:07:21.120 --> 01:07:26.080
pursue connection and the man has to pursue connection where it gets messed up is if one

1082
01:07:26.080 --> 01:07:33.680
person is being intentional and pursuing and the other person isn't. And then that's when it feels

1083
01:07:34.320 --> 01:07:40.640
gross. That's when you feel used. That's when you feel taken advantage of, right? That's when you

1084
01:07:40.640 --> 01:07:45.520
feel not seen. And that can happen in marriage too. You guys, this intentional pursuit of each

1085
01:07:45.520 --> 01:07:50.720
other is going to continue for the rest of your life. This is not just a dating thing. That's

1086
01:07:50.720 --> 01:07:58.240
why people are like, date your wife, date your husband, intentionally pursue that person's heart

1087
01:07:58.240 --> 01:08:05.040
for the rest of their life. All right. So I didn't read the comments. I'm sure some of you disagree

1088
01:08:05.040 --> 01:08:14.000
with this advice right now, but you know, we live in a time when, you know, men want to be shown

1089
01:08:14.000 --> 01:08:20.880
that they are valued too. You know, Valentine's day is not just for women. It's for men.

1090
01:08:23.040 --> 01:08:26.319
You guys, I'm just going to say something right now. And I might get on a little bit of a soap

1091
01:08:26.319 --> 01:08:30.720
box and I had no intention of saying this, but I think that it needs to be said. I'm seeing this

1092
01:08:30.720 --> 01:08:35.439
trend going around on social media, Tik TOK, you know, and all these places where women are just

1093
01:08:35.439 --> 01:08:41.680
want to be completely just worshiped. You're like, I joke around about being a passenger princess

1094
01:08:41.680 --> 01:08:45.920
and David driving around, but they've taken this to a whole other level where it's like,

1095
01:08:45.920 --> 01:08:50.880
you know, when I'm in a bad mood and he brings me my slippers and, you know, he gets me food and he

1096
01:08:50.880 --> 01:08:56.720
does this, you know, and stuff and blah, blah, blah, blah. It's just like, who wants to be in

1097
01:08:56.720 --> 01:09:03.840
relationship with you? You sound like a spoiled little brat, right? Ladies, let's not buy into

1098
01:09:03.840 --> 01:09:09.920
that. Okay. A grown man wants to be in relationship with a grown woman, not a spoiled little child

1099
01:09:10.560 --> 01:09:16.880
who wants her way and wants to be, you know, coddled and worshiped and served. Now the divine

1100
01:09:16.880 --> 01:09:23.120
masculine does serve his family, but if all you want to be is served, then that's a problem

1101
01:09:23.120 --> 01:09:26.880
because the Bible doesn't teach female submission. It teaches mutual submission

1102
01:09:28.479 --> 01:09:35.920
or to submit to one another in love. Okay. Very important stuff right now. Yes. Entitlement. It's

1103
01:09:35.920 --> 01:09:42.479
gross. Isn't it? It's not pretty. It's gross. And we're not going to do it. Y'all. Yeah. It's funny.

1104
01:09:43.600 --> 01:09:47.760
Especially for those of ladies that are still menstruating because you're like, what does that

1105
01:09:47.760 --> 01:09:51.600
have to do with anything, Jackie? Because when you're on your period, you just want someone to

1106
01:09:51.600 --> 01:09:58.400
take care of you. You want someone to go get you chicken delight, extra queso, margarita with an

1107
01:09:58.400 --> 01:09:59.840
extra shot of tequila.

1108
01:10:00.640 --> 01:10:03.320
You know, if you drink, which I don't.

1109
01:10:03.320 --> 01:10:06.920
But yes, we don't want entitlement.

1110
01:10:06.920 --> 01:10:07.760
We really don't.

1111
01:10:07.760 --> 01:10:08.580
Okay.

1112
01:10:09.960 --> 01:10:13.480
So Abigail, you're gonna pick up maybe, okay,

1113
01:10:13.480 --> 01:10:15.100
so you picked up the last check,

1114
01:10:15.100 --> 01:10:17.960
so maybe you let him pick up one and you know, whatever.

1115
01:10:17.960 --> 01:10:22.960
And or maybe, you know, maybe whoever's idea it is, right?

1116
01:10:23.040 --> 01:10:25.120
And maybe just one time you'd be like,

1117
01:10:25.120 --> 01:10:27.840
hey, you know, I'd love to show you this restaurant

1118
01:10:27.840 --> 01:10:29.760
that I love my treat.

1119
01:10:29.800 --> 01:10:31.280
You know, just fun things like that.

1120
01:10:31.280 --> 01:10:32.680
Y'all just be fun.

1121
01:10:32.680 --> 01:10:35.160
Remember, not the very beginning.

1122
01:10:35.160 --> 01:10:37.400
And some men will never let you do it.

1123
01:10:37.400 --> 01:10:38.280
And that's fine.

1124
01:10:38.280 --> 01:10:41.560
And gentlemen, some women will never ever want to do it.

1125
01:10:41.560 --> 01:10:42.900
And that's fine too.

1126
01:10:42.900 --> 01:10:43.740
All right.

1127
01:10:43.740 --> 01:10:45.800
All right, who else did I ask to come tonight?

1128
01:10:45.800 --> 01:10:48.440
I see, I asked you to come to talk about your sitchy.

1129
01:10:52.160 --> 01:10:54.560
Okay, so then we'll go ahead and go with Stacey.

1130
01:10:54.560 --> 01:10:57.400
And then we'll go Stacey, Tiffany.

1131
01:10:57.400 --> 01:10:58.960
Wait, someone just disappeared.

1132
01:11:00.000 --> 01:11:01.600
Stacey, Dana.

1133
01:11:01.600 --> 01:11:03.280
Go Stacey, Dana, Tiffany.

1134
01:11:03.280 --> 01:11:05.260
All right, go ahead, Stace.

1135
01:11:05.260 --> 01:11:09.480
Okay, so I've been talking to Jeff from Indiana.

1136
01:11:09.480 --> 01:11:10.720
We are still talking.

1137
01:11:10.720 --> 01:11:12.960
We're still video chatting, everything like that.

1138
01:11:12.960 --> 01:11:17.960
We're gonna meet in June in Wisconsin.

1139
01:11:18.960 --> 01:11:21.720
So my question is, and it's reciprocal,

1140
01:11:21.720 --> 01:11:24.220
like getting in touch with each other and everything.

1141
01:11:24.220 --> 01:11:27.320
My question is, once we meet in Wisconsin,

1142
01:11:27.320 --> 01:11:31.400
then do, am I like, okay, now then I gotta leave it to him

1143
01:11:31.400 --> 01:11:32.920
or tell me what to do?

1144
01:11:33.880 --> 01:11:37.120
Okay, so you guys have been talking for how long?

1145
01:11:37.120 --> 01:11:38.840
Since the beginning of March.

1146
01:11:38.840 --> 01:11:41.360
And you guys are FaceTiming and everything, right?

1147
01:11:41.360 --> 01:11:45.720
Yeah, we video chat, we video chat, yeah.

1148
01:11:45.720 --> 01:11:46.640
Like every week?

1149
01:11:48.120 --> 01:11:49.920
Yeah, every week or every two weeks.

1150
01:11:49.920 --> 01:11:51.920
And like, let me tell you something cute.

1151
01:11:51.920 --> 01:11:53.120
I wanna tell you something cute.

1152
01:11:53.120 --> 01:11:54.120
Okay, tell me.

1153
01:11:54.120 --> 01:11:56.720
So then he, we were talking about

1154
01:11:56.720 --> 01:11:58.920
how we have people saved in our phone.

1155
01:11:58.920 --> 01:12:00.800
And he's like, yeah, I've got you saved like this.

1156
01:12:00.800 --> 01:12:03.800
And he sent me the picture and it was so cute.

1157
01:12:03.800 --> 01:12:04.680
It's a picture of me.

1158
01:12:04.680 --> 01:12:07.360
Obviously he must've really liked

1159
01:12:07.360 --> 01:12:10.240
because he either grabbed it off Facebook, I think.

1160
01:12:10.240 --> 01:12:11.640
And then he had a piece of cheese

1161
01:12:11.640 --> 01:12:14.360
because I'm from Wisconsin and then a cross

1162
01:12:14.360 --> 01:12:16.720
because I'm a woman of faith.

1163
01:12:16.720 --> 01:12:18.000
Aw.

1164
01:12:18.000 --> 01:12:19.480
So that was just cute.

1165
01:12:19.480 --> 01:12:20.320
It is cute.

1166
01:12:20.320 --> 01:12:22.720
Okay, so you guys are talking regularly,

1167
01:12:22.920 --> 01:12:25.040
when are you meeting in person?

1168
01:12:25.040 --> 01:12:28.120
At the end of June, like in the next week.

1169
01:12:28.120 --> 01:12:29.320
So March, April, May.

1170
01:12:29.320 --> 01:12:31.800
So it's gonna be around four months of knowing each other

1171
01:12:31.800 --> 01:12:33.200
when you get to meet in person.

1172
01:12:33.200 --> 01:12:35.760
And I think that it is enough time

1173
01:12:35.760 --> 01:12:39.240
for depending on the vibe of that meeting,

1174
01:12:39.240 --> 01:12:41.040
like how you're vibing,

1175
01:12:41.040 --> 01:12:43.440
how do you feel when you're in person with him?

1176
01:12:43.440 --> 01:12:45.240
If you're vibing with him,

1177
01:12:45.240 --> 01:12:48.040
just the same way that you are on these calls and stuff

1178
01:12:48.040 --> 01:12:51.000
and you're into it, then it's completely fair

1179
01:12:51.040 --> 01:12:52.800
if he hasn't already brought it back up

1180
01:12:52.800 --> 01:12:55.440
that you say, hey, what are we doing here?

1181
01:12:55.440 --> 01:12:56.520
Okay.

1182
01:12:56.520 --> 01:12:57.520
Okay?

1183
01:12:57.520 --> 01:12:58.960
Because here's the thing,

1184
01:12:58.960 --> 01:13:00.880
you've known each other long enough

1185
01:13:00.880 --> 01:13:02.800
and if you're vibing with him in person,

1186
01:13:02.800 --> 01:13:04.880
you need to know before you leave.

1187
01:13:04.880 --> 01:13:08.480
Do not do this via technology when you get home,

1188
01:13:08.480 --> 01:13:10.080
do it in person.

1189
01:13:10.080 --> 01:13:10.960
Okay.

1190
01:13:10.960 --> 01:13:12.320
And that goes for all of you.

1191
01:13:12.320 --> 01:13:14.800
Long distance has to move faster

1192
01:13:14.800 --> 01:13:18.280
because you need to know if you're just continuing

1193
01:13:18.280 --> 01:13:21.280
to pour all of your good stuff

1194
01:13:21.280 --> 01:13:24.520
into a vase that has holes in it.

1195
01:13:24.520 --> 01:13:25.640
You don't wanna do that.

1196
01:13:25.640 --> 01:13:27.560
It doesn't make any sense.

1197
01:13:27.560 --> 01:13:28.480
Right?

1198
01:13:28.480 --> 01:13:29.480
It is just me.

1199
01:13:29.480 --> 01:13:31.120
They're gonna have been talking

1200
01:13:31.120 --> 01:13:33.320
and getting to know each other for four months

1201
01:13:33.320 --> 01:13:35.800
before she ends up with him in person.

1202
01:13:35.800 --> 01:13:37.560
And if they're feeling each other in person,

1203
01:13:37.560 --> 01:13:39.040
then they need to make a plan.

1204
01:13:40.160 --> 01:13:41.000
Okay.

1205
01:13:41.000 --> 01:13:41.840
Gotta make a plan.

1206
01:13:41.840 --> 01:13:42.680
Okay.

1207
01:13:42.680 --> 01:13:43.520
Keep us posted.

1208
01:13:43.520 --> 01:13:44.360
I will.

1209
01:13:44.360 --> 01:13:45.200
Thank you.

1210
01:13:45.200 --> 01:13:46.040
Wisconsin.

1211
01:13:46.040 --> 01:13:46.880
All right, Dana Lynn.

1212
01:13:48.400 --> 01:13:49.240
Hi.

1213
01:13:49.240 --> 01:13:50.080
How are you doing?

1214
01:13:50.080 --> 01:13:50.920
Good.

1215
01:13:50.920 --> 01:13:51.760
How are you?

1216
01:13:51.760 --> 01:13:53.080
I'm good.

1217
01:13:53.080 --> 01:13:54.840
So my question is,

1218
01:13:55.920 --> 01:13:58.880
how do you know when to like draw the line

1219
01:13:58.880 --> 01:14:00.320
and let them go?

1220
01:14:00.320 --> 01:14:05.320
Like, I guess I'm balancing giving them time

1221
01:14:06.600 --> 01:14:08.040
and being patient.

1222
01:14:09.200 --> 01:14:12.000
But when you kind of draw that line,

1223
01:14:12.000 --> 01:14:15.280
because I tend to hold on a little bit too long

1224
01:14:15.280 --> 01:14:18.360
expecting things to change or get better

1225
01:14:18.360 --> 01:14:21.960
or for them to decide to like really pursue.

1226
01:14:23.280 --> 01:14:27.160
So I've been talking to this guy since the end of March.

1227
01:14:28.280 --> 01:14:30.160
And at first it was just sporadic

1228
01:14:30.160 --> 01:14:32.600
and now it's been pretty consistent.

1229
01:14:34.720 --> 01:14:36.040
We met once,

1230
01:14:36.040 --> 01:14:40.080
but it seems like every time we have a date set up,

1231
01:14:40.080 --> 01:14:41.520
things come up.

1232
01:14:41.520 --> 01:14:42.360
So-

1233
01:14:42.640 --> 01:14:43.880
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

1234
01:14:43.880 --> 01:14:45.600
Things come up for you or him?

1235
01:14:45.600 --> 01:14:47.000
For him.

1236
01:14:47.000 --> 01:14:47.840
Okay.

1237
01:14:47.840 --> 01:14:49.400
So how many days has he canceled?

1238
01:14:53.120 --> 01:14:56.960
So we had three dates set up and we went on one,

1239
01:14:56.960 --> 01:14:58.720
but even that day,

1240
01:14:58.720 --> 01:15:00.120
so the first one he's like-

1241
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:06.720
oh I can't find my keys um and then he's like well can we do tomorrow the weather's going to

1242
01:15:06.720 --> 01:15:15.040
be better tomorrow so the next day I said oh you know yeah we could do that date and um we were

1243
01:15:15.040 --> 01:15:20.960
talking and he's like well if today's not good for you and I was like no today is the only day

1244
01:15:20.960 --> 01:15:29.680
I can really do this week um so then we did follow through and we met once and then the third time

1245
01:15:30.160 --> 01:15:36.640
he said that his basement flooded okay wait so how many times have you seen him once

1246
01:15:37.280 --> 01:15:46.480
once and he's canceled twice yes for weird weird excuses my basement flooded I can't find my keys

1247
01:15:46.480 --> 01:15:52.080
my my dog ate my homework no yeah I I he said he couldn't find his easy path

1248
01:15:53.040 --> 01:15:58.960
now how often is he talking to you via technology um multiple times a day

1249
01:16:00.800 --> 01:16:07.840
okay so I asked him I did specifically ask him like do you have your running shoes on

1250
01:16:07.840 --> 01:16:14.240
like kind of what's happening you know so I'm like maybe it's my perception but I feel like

1251
01:16:14.240 --> 01:16:22.640
you know you're you're kind of and what do you say he said um he wanted to clarify what

1252
01:16:22.640 --> 01:16:30.800
I meant by that and so he said well running meaning I'm busy yes um running away from you

1253
01:16:30.800 --> 01:16:39.200
absolutely not um and but here's the thing the thing is okay there's there's only two

1254
01:16:39.200 --> 01:16:46.480
pretty much two to three scenarios here okay the first scenario is that you know he just

1255
01:16:46.480 --> 01:16:52.480
is not doesn't have enough bandwidth for a relationship right he's he's got too much on

1256
01:16:52.480 --> 01:16:57.600
his plate he's trying to fit it all in he can't please everyone every day and you keep losing

1257
01:16:58.560 --> 01:17:04.240
yeah okay um so that's the first scenario and it very much could be that but it still doesn't it

1258
01:17:04.240 --> 01:17:07.600
still shows you that he doesn't have bandwidth for you he doesn't have time for you or a

1259
01:17:07.600 --> 01:17:12.800
relationship yeah and the fact that he's still texting you but also not seeing you tells me that

1260
01:17:12.800 --> 01:17:19.520
that's probably the one okay because if he wasn't interested at all he'd just be gone zone he'd just

1261
01:17:19.520 --> 01:17:25.040
be gone right right especially after seeing you in person all right and then the second scenario

1262
01:17:25.040 --> 01:17:29.520
is that he has something more complicated going on in his life that you just don't know about

1263
01:17:30.320 --> 01:17:36.480
and it can actually be both of these things you know um and you know and that more complicated

1264
01:17:36.480 --> 01:17:44.640
thing could actually be other women that's right so you know hey um he said there he did bring up

1265
01:17:44.640 --> 01:17:52.320
two things that were kind of in the way his his vehicle situation and he was off of work because

1266
01:17:52.320 --> 01:17:57.120
he hurt his ankle so he hasn't been working and didn't get paid for like a month and a half okay

1267
01:17:57.120 --> 01:18:02.160
so that could be it too he just can't afford to date you and he's one of those guys that believes

1268
01:18:02.160 --> 01:18:08.080
that you know the man definitely has to pay so that could be it that could just be it period is

1269
01:18:08.080 --> 01:18:14.640
that he just doesn't have the money to take you out and i had told him i said you know i'm not

1270
01:18:14.640 --> 01:18:21.440
expecting like anything crazy we can go out for ice cream or water go for a walk we could do

1271
01:18:21.440 --> 01:18:28.400
something free right yes i don't know do i like draw the line in the sand and say all right i'm

1272
01:18:28.400 --> 01:18:35.360
kind of done with this or where do i go from here i think that you know um if you're talking

1273
01:18:35.360 --> 01:18:41.200
to him several times a day and he's not wanting to get together in person that you just need to

1274
01:18:41.200 --> 01:18:48.480
say to him hey listen i'm looking for someone to date not someone to talk to you know and so

1275
01:18:48.480 --> 01:18:52.480
if you're in a dating season if you feel like you want to get to know me better then we need to get

1276
01:18:52.480 --> 01:18:56.320
to know each other in person you know tell him you're not trying to give him an ultimatum you

1277
01:18:56.320 --> 01:19:00.720
just let me to let him know that where i am in life right now i'm looking for someone to get to

1278
01:19:00.720 --> 01:19:07.120
know not someone just to be a pen pal with okay and let's see what happens because it sounds like

1279
01:19:07.120 --> 01:19:13.280
it might be like a hybrid of all three things yeah where he's got too much on his plate he's

1280
01:19:13.280 --> 01:19:18.000
overextended he's probably looking for a job if he lost his job he doesn't have income he can't

1281
01:19:18.000 --> 01:19:23.280
afford to date you he likes you but then he also as a man probably feels like he's a little bit of

1282
01:19:23.280 --> 01:19:37.440
a scrub so yeah is he is he cute he is yeah okay and is he nice he's very kind um he follows christ

1283
01:19:37.440 --> 01:19:43.200
like he's a really nice guy well guess what he probably as a man feels like he's not in the right

1284
01:19:43.200 --> 01:19:48.240
season for dating since all this other stuff has blown up in his life and so you need to let him

1285
01:19:48.240 --> 01:19:52.480
know you don't care about any of that you just want to get to know him and if he still refuses

1286
01:19:52.480 --> 01:19:58.800
to there's nothing you can do yeah okay because my husband was not in a good place financially

1287
01:19:58.800 --> 01:19:59.920
or vocationally when i

1288
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:02.820
I met him, but he was still willing to get to know me.

1289
01:20:02.820 --> 01:20:07.820
And that is what this man has to be willing to do as well.

1290
01:20:07.940 --> 01:20:09.500
Okay, thank you so much.

1291
01:20:09.500 --> 01:20:10.420
You're welcome.

1292
01:20:10.420 --> 01:20:11.260
Tina.

1293
01:20:14.180 --> 01:20:15.060
I'm sorry, Tiffany.

1294
01:20:15.060 --> 01:20:16.340
What am I saying, Tina?

1295
01:20:16.340 --> 01:20:17.580
Tiffany.

1296
01:20:17.580 --> 01:20:18.420
Okay.

1297
01:20:18.420 --> 01:20:19.620
I was like, wait now.

1298
01:20:19.620 --> 01:20:20.820
You're like, wait, who's Tina?

1299
01:20:20.820 --> 01:20:21.660
Okay, go ahead.

1300
01:20:23.700 --> 01:20:25.740
So yeah, so I've been talking to a guy named Jeremy

1301
01:20:25.740 --> 01:20:27.060
for like nine months.

1302
01:20:27.060 --> 01:20:28.780
And I've been kind of starting to back up

1303
01:20:28.860 --> 01:20:31.420
because I feel like I'm feeling like

1304
01:20:31.420 --> 01:20:33.120
there's more nos in me than yeses,

1305
01:20:33.120 --> 01:20:35.740
but he's very serious about still pursuing me.

1306
01:20:35.740 --> 01:20:37.280
There's things I really like,

1307
01:20:37.280 --> 01:20:39.140
but I feel like he's so avoidant.

1308
01:20:39.140 --> 01:20:40.780
Like I haven't met anybody in his family.

1309
01:20:40.780 --> 01:20:43.420
Hey, we're gonna help you make a list right now, everyone.

1310
01:20:43.420 --> 01:20:44.320
We're all gonna help her.

1311
01:20:44.320 --> 01:20:45.160
Okay.

1312
01:20:45.160 --> 01:20:47.140
Pro's about nine months, y'all.

1313
01:20:47.140 --> 01:20:49.460
That's long enough to have a baby.

1314
01:20:49.460 --> 01:20:50.300
Okay.

1315
01:20:50.300 --> 01:20:53.060
And so let's help Tiffany.

1316
01:20:53.060 --> 01:20:54.960
Tiffany's been around these parts for a while.

1317
01:20:54.960 --> 01:20:56.780
She's been in our group for a minute.

1318
01:20:56.780 --> 01:20:58.420
And so we're gonna help her.

1319
01:20:59.060 --> 01:21:01.700
Okay, so pro's about Jeremy.

1320
01:21:01.700 --> 01:21:03.820
Someone be a scribe, write it down.

1321
01:21:03.820 --> 01:21:04.700
Write down the pros.

1322
01:21:04.700 --> 01:21:06.260
Okay, go.

1323
01:21:06.260 --> 01:21:08.660
Okay, he's very attentive.

1324
01:21:08.660 --> 01:21:10.800
He listens.

1325
01:21:10.800 --> 01:21:15.220
He's very gentle and kind-hearted and-

1326
01:21:15.220 --> 01:21:16.660
He's kind-hearted, he's gentle.

1327
01:21:16.660 --> 01:21:18.100
He's a good listener.

1328
01:21:18.100 --> 01:21:19.140
He's attentive.

1329
01:21:19.140 --> 01:21:20.060
Okay.

1330
01:21:20.060 --> 01:21:21.620
I would say he's like very,

1331
01:21:25.060 --> 01:21:26.940
he cares so much.

1332
01:21:26.940 --> 01:21:28.780
He's a very caring person.

1333
01:21:28.780 --> 01:21:30.940
He's a deeply caring person.

1334
01:21:30.940 --> 01:21:31.780
Okay, compassionate.

1335
01:21:31.780 --> 01:21:33.300
Yeah, deep thinker.

1336
01:21:33.300 --> 01:21:34.500
Deep thinker, musician.

1337
01:21:34.500 --> 01:21:35.900
All the things I wanted.

1338
01:21:35.900 --> 01:21:36.920
Works with wood.

1339
01:21:38.180 --> 01:21:39.020
But he is-

1340
01:21:39.020 --> 01:21:41.260
He works with wood, y'all.

1341
01:21:41.260 --> 01:21:42.080
Yeah.

1342
01:21:42.080 --> 01:21:42.920
He carves wood.

1343
01:21:42.920 --> 01:21:43.760
He carves wood.

1344
01:21:43.760 --> 01:21:44.580
He carves wood.

1345
01:21:44.580 --> 01:21:45.420
He carves wood?

1346
01:21:46.740 --> 01:21:47.660
Well, he doesn't look like he could,

1347
01:21:47.660 --> 01:21:49.180
but he's a cabinet maker.

1348
01:21:49.180 --> 01:21:50.900
Oh, he's a cabinet maker.

1349
01:21:50.900 --> 01:21:52.740
He's a musician.

1350
01:21:52.740 --> 01:21:53.900
Okay.

1351
01:21:53.900 --> 01:21:55.660
He's got a good relationship with his family.

1352
01:21:55.660 --> 01:21:57.500
Is that what you said?

1353
01:21:57.500 --> 01:21:59.140
Very good relationship with his family.

1354
01:21:59.140 --> 01:22:00.100
Except for his dad.

1355
01:22:00.100 --> 01:22:01.780
His dad's kind of an odd one,

1356
01:22:01.780 --> 01:22:03.500
but it's been healing over the course of time

1357
01:22:03.500 --> 01:22:04.720
that I've been talking to him.

1358
01:22:04.720 --> 01:22:06.820
Like a lot of things have healed for him and stuff.

1359
01:22:06.820 --> 01:22:09.020
So there's like a lot of reasons-

1360
01:22:09.020 --> 01:22:10.900
Did you say he's a Christ follower or not?

1361
01:22:10.900 --> 01:22:11.900
I didn't hear that.

1362
01:22:13.260 --> 01:22:17.460
He's a Christ follower, but he's been a believer forever,

1363
01:22:17.460 --> 01:22:21.060
but there wasn't very much proof of it for me in my book.

1364
01:22:21.060 --> 01:22:22.580
But then I've been trying to be like more open

1365
01:22:22.580 --> 01:22:24.380
and be like, he's coming along, you know,

1366
01:22:24.380 --> 01:22:26.060
he's very interested in my faith.

1367
01:22:27.380 --> 01:22:30.020
So we're going to listen to cons now.

1368
01:22:30.020 --> 01:22:31.580
Okay. So, okay.

1369
01:22:31.580 --> 01:22:32.540
Oh, here's a pro still.

1370
01:22:32.540 --> 01:22:36.380
So since I met him, he started going to church.

1371
01:22:36.380 --> 01:22:38.060
The first time I took him to church,

1372
01:22:38.060 --> 01:22:40.540
I like searched like, you know,

1373
01:22:40.540 --> 01:22:41.820
like, where should I take him, God?

1374
01:22:41.820 --> 01:22:42.900
And I took him to the one church

1375
01:22:42.900 --> 01:22:44.620
where his whole life fell apart.

1376
01:22:44.620 --> 01:22:46.820
And it was like, not a church I regularly go to,

1377
01:22:46.820 --> 01:22:48.420
but I thought, where's a guy good worship,

1378
01:22:48.420 --> 01:22:50.060
the Holy Spirit's there, you know, all of it.

1379
01:22:50.060 --> 01:22:52.020
And anyway, so he sat and cried in the service

1380
01:22:52.020 --> 01:22:54.220
for the entire time.

1381
01:22:55.060 --> 01:22:55.900
Anyway, so it was,

1382
01:22:55.900 --> 01:22:58.180
there's been some powerful things that have happened.

1383
01:22:58.180 --> 01:23:00.420
All his kids become Christians to him.

1384
01:23:01.940 --> 01:23:05.700
And they're like actively, they're pursuing God,

1385
01:23:05.700 --> 01:23:07.700
going to church, taking notes.

1386
01:23:07.700 --> 01:23:10.180
So he's got some unhealed trauma.

1387
01:23:10.180 --> 01:23:12.420
So we're going to put that in the con.

1388
01:23:12.420 --> 01:23:13.780
Very unhealed trauma.

1389
01:23:13.780 --> 01:23:14.620
Yeah.

1390
01:23:14.620 --> 01:23:16.220
So what else is a con?

1391
01:23:18.540 --> 01:23:19.980
Like he wanted to induce me to his family.

1392
01:23:19.980 --> 01:23:22.620
I met his best friend this weekend for the first time.

1393
01:23:22.620 --> 01:23:25.620
And only because I put up a big stink about it.

1394
01:23:25.620 --> 01:23:26.820
Okay, hold on, you guys.

1395
01:23:26.820 --> 01:23:28.420
I want you to see an incongruency.

1396
01:23:28.420 --> 01:23:29.540
Everyone ready?

1397
01:23:29.540 --> 01:23:32.740
She's been dating him for nine months.

1398
01:23:32.740 --> 01:23:36.260
He's close to his family, but she hasn't met them.

1399
01:23:37.660 --> 01:23:39.860
Does anyone find that a little bit sketchy?

1400
01:23:41.980 --> 01:23:44.860
He's close in some ways and in other ways, not.

1401
01:23:45.780 --> 01:23:48.020
Like he doesn't let them know him very much.

1402
01:23:48.020 --> 01:23:51.500
He had like a really damaging relationship with his dad.

1403
01:23:51.500 --> 01:23:53.060
And so he just kind of keeps everything on the outside,

1404
01:23:53.060 --> 01:23:55.220
but he loves his family deeply.

1405
01:23:55.220 --> 01:23:56.420
He would do anything for them,

1406
01:23:56.420 --> 01:23:58.260
but he kind of keeps them at a distance a little bit.

1407
01:23:58.260 --> 01:24:00.260
Have you met his children?

1408
01:24:00.260 --> 01:24:01.380
No.

1409
01:24:01.380 --> 01:24:02.220
Okay.

1410
01:24:02.220 --> 01:24:04.260
The only person that you've met in his life

1411
01:24:04.260 --> 01:24:06.860
is his best friend, and that was just recently.

1412
01:24:06.860 --> 01:24:08.580
Who has he met of your people?

1413
01:24:09.620 --> 01:24:11.660
I have introduced him to quite a few people,

1414
01:24:11.660 --> 01:24:12.660
but not my family.

1415
01:24:12.660 --> 01:24:14.460
I haven't introduced him to my family yet.

1416
01:24:14.460 --> 01:24:15.940
Because I wasn't going to do that.

1417
01:24:15.940 --> 01:24:19.220
No, not until it went the other way.

1418
01:24:20.220 --> 01:24:21.300
Here's the thing.

1419
01:24:21.300 --> 01:24:24.060
Here's my biggest flag right now, Tiffany,

1420
01:24:24.060 --> 01:24:25.660
just beginning this conversation,

1421
01:24:25.660 --> 01:24:28.380
is that you've been dating this guy for nine months

1422
01:24:28.380 --> 01:24:31.540
and you still don't feel secure enough in the relationship

1423
01:24:31.540 --> 01:24:33.620
to introduce him to your family.

1424
01:24:33.620 --> 01:24:35.220
Right, yeah.

1425
01:24:35.220 --> 01:24:37.700
So that's telling me that you have a check

1426
01:24:37.700 --> 01:24:41.260
in your own heart that something is missing

1427
01:24:41.260 --> 01:24:43.180
from this relationship.

1428
01:24:43.180 --> 01:24:44.020
Right, right.

1429
01:24:44.020 --> 01:24:45.740
Okay, what other cons do we got?

1430
01:24:46.740 --> 01:24:49.460
Well, he does live 40 minutes from me.

1431
01:24:49.460 --> 01:24:51.060
We both live at our parents' house.

1432
01:24:51.060 --> 01:24:52.460
That's not that far.

1433
01:24:52.460 --> 01:24:53.300
No, it's not.

1434
01:24:53.300 --> 01:24:55.580
But it makes it hard to like hang out.

1435
01:24:55.580 --> 01:24:57.980
You know, he works 50 hours a week.

1436
01:24:57.980 --> 01:24:59.500
I don't know, kinda.

1437
01:24:59.500 --> 01:25:00.340
I mean.

1438
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:15.000
You know, I live I live in Austin, Texas, I live in a suburb and it takes me 40 minutes to go it takes me 40 minutes to an hour to go anywhere. So I'm just as a traffic so when you live place where there's traffic you're 40 minutes ain't nothing.

1439
01:25:15.000 --> 01:25:29.000
Right, right, right, I guess it's just because he works until kind of later and so then it leaves us just like a small window to hang out get to each other. Once, because he has his kids for the rest of this, you know, you know, 25% of time so how often do you see him Tiffany.

1440
01:25:29.000 --> 01:25:43.000
I see him one or two times a week, and he was coming every in my church, which is an hour away from him which I thought that was a generous, ask, like, is really not comfortable with it but he's worked through a lot of his anxiety.

1441
01:25:43.000 --> 01:25:55.000
And I tried to break up with him early on, and he's like, please like, he's like my, my whole family and everybody that I know would tell you that I am completely different persons met you.

1442
01:25:56.000 --> 01:26:12.000
So I'm like, I mean I want somebody to say that to me, but I'm like, that's so much pressure on you though. I'm a different person since I met you like my change is dependent on you Tiffany don't that don't doesn't that make you feel doesn't.

1443
01:26:12.000 --> 01:26:19.000
It's, it's meant to make you feel indentured doesn't make you feel that way.

1444
01:26:20.000 --> 01:26:25.000
Oh my gosh, if I leave, then he's going to do bad again.

1445
01:26:25.000 --> 01:26:30.000
Because sure this change is based on me. That's addict.

1446
01:26:30.000 --> 01:26:34.000
I'm not saying he's an addict, but that's the way addicts.

1447
01:26:34.000 --> 01:26:39.000
Right, right. Okay, is he is he a recovering addict.

1448
01:26:39.000 --> 01:26:53.000
I would say kind of like he spent a lot of his years doing drugs and stuff, but I wouldn't say he's like a practicing addict and I mean he's had like a drink at dinner but I've never seen anything that's really caused me to be uncomfortable.

1449
01:26:53.000 --> 01:26:58.000
So, so Tiffany I just want you to know this, you are not this man's muse.

1450
01:26:58.000 --> 01:27:06.000
And you are not the reason that he will do good or bad. He is the reason why he will do good or bad. Okay.

1451
01:27:06.000 --> 01:27:21.000
And so you're not beholden to that. I'm not saying you should break up with him I'm just saying, that can't be a reason why you stay. Okay, so what other cons do we have you had a whole list of pros, what are the cons.

1452
01:27:21.000 --> 01:27:35.000
Um, gosh, I guess I just, I guess here we go. I really just want to be known by my partner and he doesn't really ask me a whole lot of questions he does. He plays music for me a lot you know and I keep saying hey like, like okay so here's

1453
01:27:35.000 --> 01:27:45.000
a con on my birthday he was had so much anxiety about buying me a gift. So, because he felt he didn't know what I'd want. I'm like, all these months you don't know what I want.

1454
01:27:45.000 --> 01:27:49.000
So, so he almost got a big boot that day.

1455
01:27:49.000 --> 01:27:55.000
So, well but not really because I've been married to David for 17 years and I still don't think that he knows what I want.

1456
01:27:56.000 --> 01:28:10.000
So, his idea I guess. But, yeah, is it giving me something that I want or whatever so you know by me massage and stuff so, and can't go wrong there. What else, what else, what else is a con.

1457
01:28:10.000 --> 01:28:13.000
Um, geez, what else is con.

1458
01:28:13.000 --> 01:28:24.000
I just feel like he's like a little bit spiritually immature like I don't see the hunger I want to see it comes and it goes, but here's the thing he's not spiritually immature he's actually only going to church because of you.

1459
01:28:24.000 --> 01:28:29.000
Well no he goes, he takes his kids now on the opposite weekend, and now.

1460
01:28:29.000 --> 01:28:31.000
Yeah, now.

1461
01:28:31.000 --> 01:28:44.000
Sure, but he was, he wasn't doing that he started to do that to please you because you were going to break up with him he said give me a chance. And so he started changing to become more of what you want.

1462
01:28:45.000 --> 01:28:49.000
If you're not in the picture. I don't know how much of that change is sustainable.

1463
01:28:49.000 --> 01:28:54.000
Well his mom is his mom is Christian, him and his mom his dad mom go to church.

1464
01:28:54.000 --> 01:28:57.000
So, but maybe yeah. Yeah.

1465
01:28:58.000 --> 01:29:06.000
So, you obviously are uneasy about the relationship, it's not giving you the security that you want in your heart.

1466
01:29:06.000 --> 01:29:19.000
And so you can't move forward I'm not telling you to break up but I am saying that you need to make a decision, you need to ask, you know, you need to, you need to pray you need to, you know, find out hey what do I need.

1467
01:29:19.000 --> 01:29:26.000
What do I need in order to be able to either make this a yes or no.

1468
01:29:26.000 --> 01:29:37.000
Right right now, like in this limbo, like I feel like the vibe that you're giving off to me is that you know you've been on the cusp of breaking up with this guy, more than one time.

1469
01:29:37.000 --> 01:29:41.000
Nothing like I've talked to God about two and the first thing he said to me is I had wall.

1470
01:29:41.000 --> 01:29:55.000
I have what guys said they had walls. And then this weekend I had kind of breakthrough feeling like he was showing me that I really needed to work on trusting him and having patience, but I don't think I want to have patience for the things he's

1471
01:29:55.000 --> 01:29:56.000
telling me.

1472
01:29:56.000 --> 01:30:00.000
I don't know I love like, so, but I did talk to another one you have a history.

1473
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:04.880
you have a history, even recent history in this community. Cause I know you have, you know,

1474
01:30:04.880 --> 01:30:08.800
of spending too much time waiting for men to become what they need to become.

1475
01:30:09.680 --> 01:30:16.800
And, you know, and kind of ignoring the reddish yellowish to reddish flags. And so let's make

1476
01:30:16.800 --> 01:30:21.440
sure that we're not doing that again. Right. Yeah. Well, that's a lot more pros than cons

1477
01:30:21.440 --> 01:30:25.920
though. So you just, you're going to have to, you're going to have to make it a yes or make

1478
01:30:25.920 --> 01:30:30.160
it a no. And I want to say something there. Cause this is the perfect, this is the perfect segue

1479
01:30:30.160 --> 01:30:34.560
for that. Guys, you guys know that I was talking to whiskey. How do we say her name?

1480
01:30:36.400 --> 01:30:38.800
Where'd she go? She disappeared. All right.

1481
01:30:40.240 --> 01:30:46.560
Westin. Okay. I was talking to a scene and you guys here's, this is important. So I was already

1482
01:30:46.560 --> 01:30:51.440
going to talk to you guys about this and this is a Tiffany situation. And I gave Westin this advice

1483
01:30:51.440 --> 01:31:01.600
too, is that we have to be willing to let things unfold to get to know people. Right. And there

1484
01:31:01.600 --> 01:31:06.240
doesn't have to be visceral attraction there. Now I know this is a Tiffany situation. It sounds like

1485
01:31:06.240 --> 01:31:10.720
she is attracted to this guy, but there doesn't have to be visceral attraction. So one of our

1486
01:31:10.720 --> 01:31:15.680
guys in this community, you know, he has gone out with women that he was viscerally attracted to,

1487
01:31:16.240 --> 01:31:20.800
but there was some other kind of disconnect where they didn't like him back like that or whatever

1488
01:31:20.880 --> 01:31:26.800
that it never really became a relationship. He's now in a relationship and he really is attracted

1489
01:31:26.800 --> 01:31:33.440
to the girl he's in a relationship, but it's not visceral attraction. Anybody else? It's like

1490
01:31:33.440 --> 01:31:37.280
you're attracted to the person, but you're not like, you're not like coming out of your skin.

1491
01:31:37.280 --> 01:31:42.720
You're not like, you know, he, his words were, you know, with these other people that I was trying to

1492
01:31:42.720 --> 01:31:47.280
get to know, he said by the time that I left at the end of the night, you know, like I was very

1493
01:31:47.280 --> 01:31:53.040
physically like drawn to them, like very physically sexually and more so.

1494
01:31:53.040 --> 01:31:57.760
Right. He said, in this situation, he said, I feel like I have a lot more self-control. Like

1495
01:31:57.760 --> 01:32:02.400
I don't really feel that way. And there's two things that can happen there is that we can

1496
01:32:02.400 --> 01:32:08.240
actually grow up and, and, and get a little bit more self-control. Right. And then the second

1497
01:32:08.240 --> 01:32:15.680
thing that can happen is that our body is not driving the train. You guys remember we're spirits

1498
01:32:15.680 --> 01:32:21.040
that live in bodies that possess souls and we want spirit mates. We don't want flesh mates.

1499
01:32:21.040 --> 01:32:25.920
We don't want body mates and we don't want soulmates. We don't want soulmates now. Yes,

1500
01:32:25.920 --> 01:32:32.320
we do want some soul realm connection, which is humor and things in common and places that we've

1501
01:32:32.320 --> 01:32:37.040
been before in life. And, you know, just all different types of intellectual for all you

1502
01:32:37.040 --> 01:32:41.840
sapiosexuals, which means you love conversational chemistry. You love intellectual chemistry. We

1503
01:32:41.840 --> 01:32:46.240
want that, but that is not something you can build a marriage on. You have to have a spiritual

1504
01:32:46.240 --> 01:32:50.480
connection, but you can't just have a spiritual connection. You also have to have a soul connection,

1505
01:32:51.120 --> 01:32:58.080
right? But the spirit connection has to be the thing that comes first. The spirit has to drive

1506
01:32:58.080 --> 01:33:04.000
the bus and then the soul will be able to see clearly. This is important. If you follow after

1507
01:33:04.000 --> 01:33:15.040
the spirit, you don't fulfill the what? Come on someone. The flesh, the flesh. All right.

1508
01:33:15.680 --> 01:33:20.800
So we're going to follow the spirit in these connections, right? And when we get kind of the

1509
01:33:20.800 --> 01:33:25.360
green light spiritually where yes, I'm compatible with this person spiritually, we share the same

1510
01:33:25.360 --> 01:33:31.040
values. We're vibing on the same level here spiritually. Then you get to invite your soul

1511
01:33:31.040 --> 01:33:36.160
and your body to the party, but your body gets invited last. Your body doesn't get to call the

1512
01:33:36.160 --> 01:33:41.920
shots. It doesn't get to drive the train because when it does, what happens is, is things get real

1513
01:33:41.920 --> 01:33:47.920
cloudy. Things get real muddy. You don't know you get real confused. Why? Cause you got all those

1514
01:33:47.920 --> 01:33:53.040
pheromones happening and you're just like, I like this person. I don't have anything in common with

1515
01:33:53.040 --> 01:33:59.600
them. You know, they don't, I don't think that this is my favorite thing. People come to me like,

1516
01:33:59.600 --> 01:34:05.200
Oh, I really like this person so much, but I just, I don't know if they love Jesus or not.

1517
01:34:05.200 --> 01:34:09.600
And then I'll look at the person's Facebook page and it's just like devil. And I'm like,

1518
01:34:09.600 --> 01:34:13.440
what do you mean? You don't know if they love Jesus or not. It's very obvious they don't love

1519
01:34:13.440 --> 01:34:20.960
Jesus, but you're attracted to them in your body. And so you're ignoring, that's what will happen.

1520
01:34:20.960 --> 01:34:27.280
We'll ignore everything because, and you guys, this is why we don't have sex. This is why you

1521
01:34:27.280 --> 01:34:31.600
don't let your body drive the train. This is why God, I know you guys think that he's God's just

1522
01:34:31.600 --> 01:34:36.880
a buzzkill. For those of you that are religious, God's just a buzzkill. He's like no sex until

1523
01:34:36.880 --> 01:34:44.320
marriage. This is why if you let your body lead, it will lead you off the cliff. It will. Because

1524
01:34:44.320 --> 01:34:49.200
as soon as you start smelling someone's sweat and their pheromones, chemical reactions start

1525
01:34:49.200 --> 01:34:54.320
happening in your body. You start attaching ladies. Did you know this biologically when a

1526
01:34:54.320 --> 01:34:59.760
woman has sex with a man, you don't just soul tie connect. You connect like.

1527
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:03.560
your body physically becomes kind of like addicted

1528
01:35:03.560 --> 01:35:04.400
to that person.

1529
01:35:04.400 --> 01:35:07.480
And the reason why is this, is that every single,

1530
01:35:07.480 --> 01:35:10.000
you have to understand your body is ancient, right?

1531
01:35:10.000 --> 01:35:11.320
It's an ancient design.

1532
01:35:11.320 --> 01:35:13.680
It's not a new design, it's an ancient design.

1533
01:35:13.680 --> 01:35:17.560
Meaning this, it's predispositioned to know

1534
01:35:17.560 --> 01:35:22.440
that when you have intercourse, you can conceive a baby.

1535
01:35:22.440 --> 01:35:26.320
And so you're attaching to the potential daddy

1536
01:35:26.320 --> 01:35:28.280
of that potential child.

1537
01:35:28.320 --> 01:35:30.320
Because every time you have intercourse,

1538
01:35:30.320 --> 01:35:32.920
your body is not saying, oh no, you use birth control,

1539
01:35:32.920 --> 01:35:33.760
there's no baby.

1540
01:35:33.760 --> 01:35:35.320
Oh no, use the condom, there's no baby.

1541
01:35:35.320 --> 01:35:37.120
Your body doesn't know that.

1542
01:35:37.120 --> 01:35:39.920
Your body is ancient, it's not modern.

1543
01:35:39.920 --> 01:35:42.540
It doesn't know that you're preventing pregnancy.

1544
01:35:42.540 --> 01:35:45.040
It doesn't, your mind knows it, but your body doesn't.

1545
01:35:45.040 --> 01:35:46.720
So your body's still gonna give off

1546
01:35:46.720 --> 01:35:49.200
the chemicals of attachment.

1547
01:35:49.200 --> 01:35:51.400
And this is why, after you have sex with someone,

1548
01:35:51.400 --> 01:35:53.660
it's very difficult to get over them.

1549
01:35:53.660 --> 01:35:54.800
This is how this happens.

1550
01:35:54.800 --> 01:35:56.440
It's not just your soul that's tied to them,

1551
01:35:56.440 --> 01:35:57.620
it's your body too.

1552
01:35:59.280 --> 01:36:02.640
Because you've now attached to the potential father

1553
01:36:02.640 --> 01:36:06.960
of your offspring, even though in the modern world,

1554
01:36:06.960 --> 01:36:09.000
you've prevented that somehow.

1555
01:36:09.000 --> 01:36:12.240
You guys, are you tracking on what I'm saying right now?

1556
01:36:12.240 --> 01:36:15.280
So this is why God knows how we're made,

1557
01:36:15.280 --> 01:36:16.320
because he made us.

1558
01:36:16.320 --> 01:36:17.680
And so this is why you guys,

1559
01:36:17.680 --> 01:36:20.000
we don't have sex outside of covenant,

1560
01:36:20.000 --> 01:36:22.160
because it clouds everything up.

1561
01:36:22.160 --> 01:36:24.000
It makes you confused.

1562
01:36:24.000 --> 01:36:25.440
It masks red flags.

1563
01:36:25.480 --> 01:36:28.720
It turns red flags green, right?

1564
01:36:28.720 --> 01:36:30.600
All of a sudden, the red flags that are waving,

1565
01:36:30.600 --> 01:36:32.580
you just think you're at the circus.

1566
01:36:32.580 --> 01:36:35.500
You're not at the circus, friends, right?

1567
01:36:35.500 --> 01:36:36.960
You're at the gates of hell.

1568
01:36:36.960 --> 01:36:40.360
And so here's the thing, stop doing this.

1569
01:36:40.360 --> 01:36:41.620
Stop doing this.

1570
01:36:42.800 --> 01:36:46.000
And another thing, everything leading up to intercourse

1571
01:36:46.000 --> 01:36:50.040
is still gonna give off those same hormones, right?

1572
01:36:50.040 --> 01:36:52.780
All that other stuff, don't do that.

1573
01:36:52.780 --> 01:36:55.940
Don't do it, because then you get confused

1574
01:36:55.940 --> 01:36:57.300
and you don't know.

1575
01:36:57.300 --> 01:36:59.580
You don't know if you're up or down, left or right.

1576
01:36:59.580 --> 01:37:01.660
Your spirit's like, leave, leave, leave.

1577
01:37:01.660 --> 01:37:04.380
And your body's like, stay, stay.

1578
01:37:04.380 --> 01:37:05.380
Who's gonna win?

1579
01:37:06.380 --> 01:37:07.380
Who's gonna win?

1580
01:37:07.380 --> 01:37:09.020
That's the question.

1581
01:37:09.020 --> 01:37:10.840
All right, so please don't do that.

1582
01:37:10.840 --> 01:37:13.720
And while we're on this subject, I wanna say this too.

1583
01:37:13.720 --> 01:37:18.160
Y'all, I'm all for deliverance ministry, okay?

1584
01:37:18.160 --> 01:37:20.260
I believe that I am carrying a breaker anointing.

1585
01:37:20.260 --> 01:37:22.780
I believe that this community carries a breaker anointing,

1586
01:37:22.780 --> 01:37:25.080
but it is the son who sets you free

1587
01:37:25.080 --> 01:37:26.540
and makes you free indeed.

1588
01:37:26.540 --> 01:37:28.660
It is the finished work of the cross,

1589
01:37:28.660 --> 01:37:31.220
not some crazy added stuff

1590
01:37:31.220 --> 01:37:32.400
that you think that you have to do.

1591
01:37:32.400 --> 01:37:34.300
Go to the courts of heaven, jump through this hoop,

1592
01:37:34.300 --> 01:37:36.300
jump through that hoop, go over here,

1593
01:37:36.300 --> 01:37:38.140
burn all the things that your former spouse,

1594
01:37:38.140 --> 01:37:40.020
anoint your whole house with holy oil.

1595
01:37:40.020 --> 01:37:42.700
Y'all, stop it, all right?

1596
01:37:42.700 --> 01:37:44.300
We're not gonna have,

1597
01:37:44.300 --> 01:37:47.500
if you wanna go be part of deliverance ministries,

1598
01:37:47.500 --> 01:37:49.080
go be part of deliverance ministries.

1599
01:37:49.080 --> 01:37:52.400
None of y'all is possessed with a demon, okay?

1600
01:37:52.400 --> 01:37:55.280
You're filled with the Holy Spirit, all right?

1601
01:37:55.280 --> 01:37:58.880
But all that superstitious, I call it Christian witchcraft,

1602
01:37:58.880 --> 01:38:00.680
we're not gonna bring that here, all right?

1603
01:38:00.680 --> 01:38:02.280
There's no spirit spouses.

1604
01:38:02.280 --> 01:38:05.480
You're not getting blocked in the spirit realm

1605
01:38:05.480 --> 01:38:07.400
by a spirit spouse.

1606
01:38:07.400 --> 01:38:09.840
That's the devil created to keep you

1607
01:38:09.840 --> 01:38:11.480
from being able to get married.

1608
01:38:11.480 --> 01:38:13.640
There's not some generational curse on you,

1609
01:38:13.640 --> 01:38:15.040
and that's why you can't get married.

1610
01:38:15.040 --> 01:38:17.280
Y'all, we live in a fallen world

1611
01:38:17.280 --> 01:38:19.200
that was cursed originally from the garden,

1612
01:38:19.200 --> 01:38:21.880
and some people haven't gotten the memo

1613
01:38:21.880 --> 01:38:24.440
that Jesus brought the ministry of re.

1614
01:38:24.440 --> 01:38:27.780
He brought the key to the chains, unlock them, go free.

1615
01:38:29.080 --> 01:38:31.680
So we have this big broken culture

1616
01:38:32.560 --> 01:38:36.160
where so many people still see the opposite sex

1617
01:38:36.160 --> 01:38:37.260
as sleeping with the enemy.

1618
01:38:37.260 --> 01:38:39.500
That's what we got going on here, all right?

1619
01:38:39.500 --> 01:38:40.920
It's not a mystery.

1620
01:38:40.920 --> 01:38:42.480
The Bible said at the end of the age,

1621
01:38:42.480 --> 01:38:45.280
the love of many would wax cold.

1622
01:38:45.280 --> 01:38:47.180
People are isolated, people are fearful,

1623
01:38:47.880 --> 01:38:49.260
people are paranoid of other people.

1624
01:38:49.260 --> 01:38:50.820
COVID didn't make it any better.

1625
01:38:50.820 --> 01:38:52.140
We're standing six feet apart.

1626
01:38:52.140 --> 01:38:53.700
We have masks on, don't look at me,

1627
01:38:53.700 --> 01:38:55.700
don't think, don't breathe my way.

1628
01:38:55.700 --> 01:38:58.280
Guys, things have gotten really weird,

1629
01:38:59.860 --> 01:39:01.180
but Jesus paid it all.

1630
01:39:02.100 --> 01:39:04.540
He covered it all, he saw it all.

1631
01:39:04.540 --> 01:39:07.540
He said, you're gonna have weirdness in this world,

1632
01:39:07.540 --> 01:39:09.060
trial, tribulation, all the things,

1633
01:39:09.060 --> 01:39:11.440
but be of good cheer because I've overcome the world.

1634
01:39:11.440 --> 01:39:14.820
So all you gotta do is start living in the light.

1635
01:39:14.820 --> 01:39:17.100
Live in the finished work of the cross.

1636
01:39:17.900 --> 01:39:18.740
You don't gotta go over here

1637
01:39:18.740 --> 01:39:21.460
and try to be looking for phantom demons in your life

1638
01:39:21.460 --> 01:39:23.220
that are trying to keep you from getting married.

1639
01:39:23.220 --> 01:39:24.540
Please stop doing that.

1640
01:39:24.540 --> 01:39:27.420
And if you don't wanna stop doing it, you have free will,

1641
01:39:27.420 --> 01:39:31.500
you can go do it, but you're not gonna do it here, all right?

1642
01:39:32.660 --> 01:39:35.400
Because we believe that Jesus paid it all

1643
01:39:35.400 --> 01:39:39.180
and it is finished, okay?

1644
01:39:39.180 --> 01:39:40.420
It's finished.

1645
01:39:40.420 --> 01:39:42.260
And that, you guys, that's the one announcement

1646
01:39:42.260 --> 01:39:43.920
I'm gonna make about that,

1647
01:39:43.920 --> 01:39:46.620
and I'm not gonna make another announcement about it, okay?

1648
01:39:47.140 --> 01:39:48.580
Meaning that if,

1649
01:39:48.580 --> 01:39:50.860
we're gonna make sure everyone sees this replay

1650
01:39:50.860 --> 01:39:52.160
and I'm saying it in love.

1651
01:39:52.160 --> 01:39:54.400
I love you, I want you to break free.

1652
01:39:54.400 --> 01:39:56.580
I don't want break free, I don't want you to go

1653
01:39:56.580 --> 01:39:59.420
and feel like you have to buy all these indulgences.

1654
01:39:59.420 --> 01:40:00.260
You guys, all that.

1655
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:02.800
that is, is religion, okay?

1656
01:40:02.800 --> 01:40:04.600
It's just taken on a weird different form

1657
01:40:04.600 --> 01:40:06.440
called deliverance, but it's still religion.

1658
01:40:06.440 --> 01:40:08.360
It's taking just a couple of verses out of the Bible

1659
01:40:08.360 --> 01:40:10.800
and trying to create our entire theology for it.

1660
01:40:10.800 --> 01:40:13.480
No, okay?

1661
01:40:13.480 --> 01:40:14.800
The son has set you free.

1662
01:40:15.960 --> 01:40:17.680
Now, sometimes you don't feel free,

1663
01:40:17.680 --> 01:40:21.200
and this is the reason why, because it's a process.

1664
01:40:21.200 --> 01:40:23.240
He sets you free, but he even said himself,

1665
01:40:23.240 --> 01:40:26.640
if you continue in my words, you will know the truth

1666
01:40:26.640 --> 01:40:28.280
and it will make you free.

1667
01:40:30.360 --> 01:40:33.600
You'll be washed by the water of the word.

1668
01:40:33.600 --> 01:40:35.200
Key is the word, right?

1669
01:40:35.200 --> 01:40:38.240
And we're gonna continue to be sanctified and justified.

1670
01:40:38.240 --> 01:40:40.960
We're gonna continue to be purified.

1671
01:40:40.960 --> 01:40:41.840
We're gonna continue.

1672
01:40:41.840 --> 01:40:45.840
It's a continuous process, okay?

1673
01:40:45.840 --> 01:40:47.560
Now, there are some people that get themselves

1674
01:40:47.560 --> 01:40:49.320
mixed up in some ish,

1675
01:40:49.320 --> 01:40:52.500
and there is deliverance for those people,

1676
01:40:53.440 --> 01:40:55.680
but it's a kind of a one and done thing.

1677
01:40:55.680 --> 01:40:57.760
It's not a situation where you have to continue

1678
01:40:57.760 --> 01:40:59.600
to look forward and continue to look forward.

1679
01:41:00.200 --> 01:41:01.040
Guys, that's why the heart work

1680
01:41:01.040 --> 01:41:03.320
is just a phase of this program.

1681
01:41:03.320 --> 01:41:05.600
You're going to be shown by Holy Spirit

1682
01:41:05.600 --> 01:41:06.680
for the rest of your life,

1683
01:41:06.680 --> 01:41:09.320
things that you're believing that are not quite true,

1684
01:41:09.320 --> 01:41:12.720
and then you get to release that lie and receive the truth.

1685
01:41:12.720 --> 01:41:13.680
Renew your mind.

1686
01:41:13.680 --> 01:41:14.600
That's what the Bible says.

1687
01:41:14.600 --> 01:41:16.360
That's a renewing of your mind,

1688
01:41:16.360 --> 01:41:17.280
but we're not gonna stay,

1689
01:41:17.280 --> 01:41:18.920
we're not gonna forever stay in a place

1690
01:41:18.920 --> 01:41:22.280
where we're trying to figure out what's wrong with us.

1691
01:41:22.280 --> 01:41:23.940
There's nothing wrong with you.

1692
01:41:23.940 --> 01:41:26.400
You are fearfully and wonderfully made,

1693
01:41:26.400 --> 01:41:28.760
and now it's time to start going forward, amen?

1694
01:41:30.440 --> 01:41:34.720
All right, I'm sorry, my soapbox has ended.

1695
01:41:34.720 --> 01:41:37.200
All right, so we are way over, y'all,

1696
01:41:37.200 --> 01:41:40.120
so the people that are still on here that have,

1697
01:41:40.120 --> 01:41:41.780
I'm pretty sure that I got to everyone

1698
01:41:41.780 --> 01:41:42.880
that I asked to come tonight.

1699
01:41:42.880 --> 01:41:44.680
I know some of you have questions.

1700
01:41:44.680 --> 01:41:46.720
If you throw them up in the chat right now,

1701
01:41:46.720 --> 01:41:49.480
Marsha and Nora and Ghislaine,

1702
01:41:49.480 --> 01:41:50.880
I will answer them real quick

1703
01:41:50.880 --> 01:41:52.720
because I want to let people go.

1704
01:41:52.720 --> 01:41:54.320
We've been on for an hour and 40,

1705
01:41:56.160 --> 01:41:57.400
but that needed to be said.

1706
01:41:57.400 --> 01:41:59.840
I'm glad I didn't forget about that,

1707
01:41:59.840 --> 01:42:01.800
and as they're posting their questions,

1708
01:42:01.800 --> 01:42:03.880
relocation, y'all, a lot of you

1709
01:42:03.880 --> 01:42:07.040
are gonna be called to relocate something, okay?

1710
01:42:07.040 --> 01:42:09.160
Relocate communities, relocate zip codes,

1711
01:42:09.160 --> 01:42:11.920
area codes, geographic regions.

1712
01:42:11.920 --> 01:42:13.840
Please be open to relocation.

1713
01:42:13.840 --> 01:42:16.160
Be open to what God is calling a positioning.

1714
01:42:16.160 --> 01:42:18.280
Be open for positioning, okay?

1715
01:42:18.280 --> 01:42:20.440
You're like, here I am, Lord, send me.

1716
01:42:20.440 --> 01:42:23.160
Be open to it, even if it's just to a different job,

1717
01:42:23.160 --> 01:42:24.720
a different company, it doesn't matter.

1718
01:42:24.720 --> 01:42:28.680
Be open, be open, okay?

1719
01:42:29.760 --> 01:42:31.360
All right, let me look.

1720
01:42:32.920 --> 01:42:34.240
And I wasn't trying to be harsh.

1721
01:42:34.240 --> 01:42:36.400
For those of you, you know, look,

1722
01:42:36.400 --> 01:42:37.800
I used to believe a lot of stuff

1723
01:42:37.800 --> 01:42:38.720
that I don't believe anymore

1724
01:42:38.720 --> 01:42:40.960
because now I believe the true gospel.

1725
01:42:40.960 --> 01:42:42.960
It's simple, you guys, keep it simple.

1726
01:42:42.960 --> 01:42:46.920
It's simple, it's simple, please.

1727
01:42:46.920 --> 01:42:47.760
Okay.

1728
01:42:49.560 --> 01:42:51.460
I don't see any questions in here.

1729
01:42:52.460 --> 01:42:55.220
How does spiritually, being spiritually connected,

1730
01:42:55.220 --> 01:42:57.580
wait, wait, how does being spiritually connected mean?

1731
01:42:57.580 --> 01:42:58.740
For instance, the man I'm talking to

1732
01:42:58.740 --> 01:43:00.060
is very conservative spiritually,

1733
01:43:00.060 --> 01:43:01.940
and I'm charismatic, is that compatible?

1734
01:43:01.940 --> 01:43:05.620
It depends, it depends on how open-minded he is, right?

1735
01:43:05.620 --> 01:43:07.140
When you say conservative spiritually,

1736
01:43:07.140 --> 01:43:08.700
all I hear is religion.

1737
01:43:08.700 --> 01:43:10.980
So if he's religious and it's just like,

1738
01:43:10.980 --> 01:43:12.620
oh, this is the way it's done

1739
01:43:12.620 --> 01:43:13.780
and there's no other way to do it,

1740
01:43:13.780 --> 01:43:16.700
because you guys, God is always doing a new thing.

1741
01:43:16.700 --> 01:43:19.180
Not against his word and not outside of his word,

1742
01:43:20.180 --> 01:43:23.780
but his word is evolving, right?

1743
01:43:23.780 --> 01:43:25.380
Okay, God created quantum physics.

1744
01:43:25.380 --> 01:43:27.460
That's something that continues to evolve, right?

1745
01:43:27.460 --> 01:43:29.700
And we have to evolve with it.

1746
01:43:29.700 --> 01:43:31.940
You should not believe what you believe now

1747
01:43:31.940 --> 01:43:32.900
five years from now.

1748
01:43:32.900 --> 01:43:35.300
You should believe a greater version of it.

1749
01:43:35.300 --> 01:43:38.300
2.0, 3.0, 4.0, not outside of the word,

1750
01:43:38.300 --> 01:43:41.900
but in congruence with the living word.

1751
01:43:41.900 --> 01:43:44.780
The word's alive and living things grow.

1752
01:43:44.780 --> 01:43:46.540
And it's important that you understand that.

1753
01:43:46.540 --> 01:43:48.900
So you're gonna have to have some hard conversations

1754
01:43:49.060 --> 01:43:51.780
with him to find out where he is.

1755
01:43:51.780 --> 01:43:53.180
Also look for fruit.

1756
01:43:53.180 --> 01:43:55.300
You wanna make sure someone has Holy Spirit in their life.

1757
01:43:55.300 --> 01:43:57.020
Even if they don't express Holy Spirit

1758
01:43:57.020 --> 01:43:58.220
the same way as charismatics do,

1759
01:43:58.220 --> 01:43:59.740
like speaking in tongues, all that,

1760
01:43:59.740 --> 01:44:01.940
doesn't mean that they're not, you know,

1761
01:44:01.940 --> 01:44:04.020
doesn't mean they're not baptized in the Spirit.

1762
01:44:04.020 --> 01:44:06.820
And so look for fruit because that's how you're gonna see

1763
01:44:06.820 --> 01:44:08.620
if this man is being led by the Spirit.

1764
01:44:08.620 --> 01:44:12.060
The Spirit of truth, Holy Spirit's job

1765
01:44:12.060 --> 01:44:13.860
is to lead us into all truth.

1766
01:44:13.860 --> 01:44:16.060
And so hopefully people want to go

1767
01:44:16.060 --> 01:44:17.860
where Holy Spirit's leading.

1768
01:44:17.860 --> 01:44:19.780
Can you give practical tips on how to emotionally

1769
01:44:19.780 --> 01:44:21.820
pace yourself when getting to know someone?

1770
01:44:21.820 --> 01:44:25.420
I met a guy I'm excited about, but it's still early on,

1771
01:44:25.420 --> 01:44:27.860
and I would like guidance on how often to talk to him,

1772
01:44:27.860 --> 01:44:29.580
how long our conversation should be,

1773
01:44:29.580 --> 01:44:32.340
how to keep myself from playing out stories in my head.

1774
01:44:32.340 --> 01:44:34.900
All right, if you're an anxious attacher,

1775
01:44:34.900 --> 01:44:36.700
then make sure that you're not like,

1776
01:44:36.700 --> 01:44:38.420
love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me,

1777
01:44:38.420 --> 01:44:41.100
smother, smother, smother, smother, okay?

1778
01:44:42.540 --> 01:44:43.460
Don't do that.

1779
01:44:43.460 --> 01:44:44.980
And if you're an avoidant attacher,

1780
01:44:44.980 --> 01:44:47.020
you're just like, oh, I'm just gonna wait for them to come.

1781
01:44:47.020 --> 01:44:49.380
I don't know, I'm not sure if I like them,

1782
01:44:49.380 --> 01:44:52.020
but this morning I'm feeling a little bit of ick,

1783
01:44:52.020 --> 01:44:53.300
I'm not really sure.

1784
01:44:53.300 --> 01:44:55.900
Then you're gonna have to kind of force yourself

1785
01:44:55.900 --> 01:45:00.060
to communicate, to have intentional interest.

1786
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:04.000
You are interested, but you got that wall going on, right?

1787
01:45:04.000 --> 01:45:06.000
The secure attachers don't have any problem.

1788
01:45:06.000 --> 01:45:08.000
They just be themselves.

1789
01:45:08.000 --> 01:45:10.000
They don't worry about if it's too much or too little.

1790
01:45:10.000 --> 01:45:12.000
They just be themselves.

1791
01:45:12.000 --> 01:45:15.000
The number one thing that I want you to do, Nora, is have fun.

1792
01:45:15.000 --> 01:45:18.000
Kind of go with your own flow.

1793
01:45:18.000 --> 01:45:20.000
Match his energy.

1794
01:45:20.000 --> 01:45:22.000
Kind of match where he is.

1795
01:45:22.000 --> 01:45:25.000
Match his conversational energy.

1796
01:45:25.000 --> 01:45:32.000
If you feel like you're sending him paragraphs and he's sending you three-word answers, pull back.

1797
01:45:32.000 --> 01:45:40.000
Not to play games, but to understand that this person doesn't have the bandwidth to take all of that communication in.

1798
01:45:40.000 --> 01:45:43.000
So kind of match his energy at the beginning and let's see where we go.

1799
01:45:43.000 --> 01:45:46.000
I did have a question, but didn't want to get in the hot seat.

1800
01:45:46.000 --> 01:45:50.000
My question out of curiosity is, do two avoidants have a chance?

1801
01:45:50.000 --> 01:45:54.000
Two avoidants can definitely have a relationship, but they probably wouldn't call it a relationship.

1802
01:45:54.000 --> 01:45:57.000
No one wants to admit they're in a relationship when they're avoided.

1803
01:45:57.000 --> 01:46:01.000
They would probably keep it in the undefined state for a long time.

1804
01:46:01.000 --> 01:46:03.000
And so is it possible?

1805
01:46:03.000 --> 01:46:04.000
Yes.

1806
01:46:04.000 --> 01:46:05.000
Is it probable?

1807
01:46:05.000 --> 01:46:06.000
Not usually.

1808
01:46:06.000 --> 01:46:07.000
What exactly are you talking about?

1809
01:46:07.000 --> 01:46:08.000
I guess I got lost.

1810
01:46:08.000 --> 01:46:09.000
Okay.

1811
01:46:09.000 --> 01:46:13.000
I've been dating a guy for close to three months, but I've been having cold feet about moving to level two.

1812
01:46:13.000 --> 01:46:14.000
Okay.

1813
01:46:14.000 --> 01:46:17.000
If you're not at level two, then you're not dating him.

1814
01:46:17.000 --> 01:46:18.000
Level one is just community.

1815
01:46:18.000 --> 01:46:20.000
Maybe you're meeting level three.

1816
01:46:20.000 --> 01:46:22.000
He asked me to be his girlfriend.

1817
01:46:22.000 --> 01:46:23.000
Okay.

1818
01:46:23.000 --> 01:46:24.000
Level three is exclusivity.

1819
01:46:24.000 --> 01:46:29.000
He asked me to be his girlfriend, but I'm so worried I might miss out on someone better.

1820
01:46:29.000 --> 01:46:30.000
Okay.

1821
01:46:30.000 --> 01:46:33.000
I love it that you asked this and I'm going to answer it.

1822
01:46:33.000 --> 01:46:41.000
You guys, listen, you're going to hate this, but I was just talking about God, just talking to God about this yesterday.

1823
01:46:41.000 --> 01:46:43.000
There's always someone better.

1824
01:46:43.000 --> 01:46:46.000
There's always someone better.

1825
01:46:46.000 --> 01:46:51.000
And so do you know how you make this person the right choice when there's always someone better?

1826
01:46:52.000 --> 01:47:02.000
That as you guys choose each other, you start to become better and better and better and better and better.

1827
01:47:02.000 --> 01:47:05.000
That's how it works.

1828
01:47:05.000 --> 01:47:12.000
The best versions of yourself start coming out and sometimes the worst versions because it's a refining process, right?

1829
01:47:12.000 --> 01:47:15.000
On paper, there's always going to be someone better.

1830
01:47:15.000 --> 01:47:19.000
On the swipe, there's always going to be someone who appears to be better.

1831
01:47:19.000 --> 01:47:30.000
And the thing is, is that there's always going to be someone who's more handsome or more beautiful or more in shape or more financially secure or more in love with Jesus or whatever.

1832
01:47:30.000 --> 01:47:36.000
You just have to make a decision to choose someone good, bad, and ugly.

1833
01:47:36.000 --> 01:47:47.000
To choose them with what they have going on for them and what they don't have going on for them, knowing that both of you, when you come together, one can't, but two can.

1834
01:47:47.000 --> 01:47:50.000
If you didn't watch Supernatural Saturday, go watch it.

1835
01:47:50.000 --> 01:47:57.000
And you come together and things begin to unseal and unlock in both of you and you begin to super bloom together.

1836
01:47:57.000 --> 01:48:03.000
So yes, there is always going to be someone better, but you're going to have to give someone a chance.

1837
01:48:03.000 --> 01:48:10.000
You're going to have to continue to let it be a yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

1838
01:48:11.000 --> 01:48:12.000
Right?

1839
01:48:12.000 --> 01:48:17.000
You guys have been married for 17 years, and I know that you think that I already gave my final yes at the altar when I said I do.

1840
01:48:17.000 --> 01:48:18.000
That's not true.

1841
01:48:18.000 --> 01:48:22.000
Every morning when I get up, I say yes again to my marriage.

1842
01:48:22.000 --> 01:48:24.000
I say yes again to David.

1843
01:48:24.000 --> 01:48:26.000
We've been through a lot of stuff together.

1844
01:48:26.000 --> 01:48:28.000
We've weathered a lot of storms together.

1845
01:48:28.000 --> 01:48:31.000
We continue to say yes.

1846
01:48:31.000 --> 01:48:35.000
That's what it's like.

1847
01:48:35.000 --> 01:48:41.000
So if someone made you think that it was different than that, then they lied, because that's what it's like.

1848
01:48:41.000 --> 01:48:42.000
Okay?

1849
01:48:42.000 --> 01:48:44.000
That's what marriage is.

1850
01:48:44.000 --> 01:48:46.000
It's just like your relationship with Jesus.

1851
01:48:46.000 --> 01:48:50.000
You've got to get up every day and say yes to it again, don't you?

1852
01:48:50.000 --> 01:48:55.000
Some of you ain't said yes to it for a while, and that's why it's all stale.

1853
01:48:55.000 --> 01:48:58.000
So let's say yes to it, and let's get moving forward.

1854
01:48:58.000 --> 01:48:59.000
All right.

1855
01:48:59.000 --> 01:49:00.000
I appreciate you guys.

1856
01:49:00.000 --> 01:49:03.000
Sorry we went so long tonight, but we had a good time.

1857
01:49:03.000 --> 01:49:08.000
We covered so many things, and remember, even when I say things that are a little cray-cray,

1858
01:49:08.000 --> 01:49:15.000
it's because I love you, and sometimes I get really adamant because we've got to stop with the nonsense.

1859
01:49:15.000 --> 01:49:17.000
Can't get distracted.

1860
01:49:17.000 --> 01:49:19.000
We've got to stay focused.

1861
01:49:19.000 --> 01:49:20.000
All right?

1862
01:49:20.000 --> 01:49:21.000
All right.

1863
01:49:21.000 --> 01:49:23.000
Have an amazing week until Supernatural Saturday.

1864
01:49:23.000 --> 01:49:24.000
I will see you soon.

1865
01:49:24.000 --> 01:49:25.000
Bye.