Hi everybody.
Hello.
Hi.
All right. We are beginning our love seat session so everyone get ready to give people just another 60 seconds to jump on here.
I'm just going to scroll through and see who all is here tonight so many people off camera during the love seat session.
During the group sessions just in general and I really want to encourage you, if you're going to come to the all community sessions, you know have your camera on let people get to know you let people see you not just for the purpose of meeting
someone.
You know, meeting someone special, but for the purpose of being known in community. Right, let people put a face with a name. Today someone was asking me about somebody.
And they said, you know, so and so and I said okay I don't know who that is and they said well I, I said what I, and I said to them what do they look like.
And they said, I don't know I've never seen them.
I've only seen their name.
I've never seen them.
I know they exist.
But I've never seen them. Okay.
So we want to make sure that if you can have your camera on, just go ahead and put on a hat. If you got to.
Right, I have workout hair but I don't care.
Put on a hat, Gail has her hat on, Diana has her hat on, Penny's got a hat on.
If you care about that kind of stuff you can put a hat on but mostly ladies probably. Do your hair up in a ponytail.
Put on a cute little filter. Did you know that zoom touches up your appearance.
Yeah, there's a setting I don't think I have mine on but let me look.
Let me see.
It's on backgrounds and effects. Is that it? No.
That ain't it.
I'm on my iPad right now. So let's see.
I think that it's like when you're getting on to the zoom it'll, it'll ask you like for settings what you want to do and you can touch your appearance up.
So if you're feeling a little pale, you can give yourself a little tan, you can give yourself a little blur, you can blur yourself a little bit if that's what you like.
Whatever you want you can do it but just come on camera so people can get to know you better.
All right, so Father God we're so thankful for everyone who's come here tonight to learn more about how to be in connection with others.
And so I pray that you would speak to me and speak through me and help us to have divine revelation and wisdom from heaven in Jesus name. Amen. Amen. Amen.
All right, so if you're new to love seats and I know there's a lot of people here from phase two, or at least phase two is going to be able to watch this and replay.
Love seats is a time where we get together as a community and we do live coaching, dating coaching.
And we talk about real life scenarios, you can jump in the love seats, and you can ask about your own scenarios you can get live one on one coaching in this group environment.
By coming to love seats you can even email us ahead of time and say hey, I want to make sure that I get a chance to get in the love seats we have several people here that have emailed or have messaged and said hey I would really like to be in the love seat
can you please raise your hand. If you're here and you have asked in advance to be in the love seats we have Allison here.
We have Katie here. Who else get a couple other people. Raise your hand if I said to you in a comment on one of your posts, hey, I would love to talk about that on love seats.
Abigail's here.
I don't know if Nathan came tonight but we definitely had one guy that had a scenario that I thought would be good to cover to kind of has your hand halfway up halfway down.
Okay. Right. So, right so we'll cover we're going to go ahead and talk to these people first and get their love seat scenarios coached, and then we can open the forum to any questions of all of you that are here live.
Cool. So we have Allison we have was Dean. I don't know if I'm saying that right.
We have Carla.
And we have Abigail. We have Katie, and we have Tiffany. All right, and then I'm going to go over Nathan's situation as well, even if he's not here. And then I also have a few notes that I wrote down the Holy Spirit.
All right, let's jump right in. Sound fun. All right, let's jump right in. So the very first person that's here with me is Carla on my
screen so we'll just go and we'll go this way. So Carla, I asked you to come
because I thought that the question that you asked on the roll call or the
scenario that you painted and then the question that you asked is gonna be true
for so many people and I thought that it would be great for us to cover what it
looks like to have a situationship with someone, how do we break free from that,
also what does it look like when someone gives you a what I call a bid for
attention, right? All of us need connection you guys and so when someone
asks for a bid for connection or a bid for attention it's hard to turn that
down, right? We want to be able, especially as Christian people, to give
the person what they're asking for and that is your your focus but there are
some people that you can't give that to or at least not give that to anymore
because that's a dead-end street. You've already driven down that street and you
see that there's nothing there, there's no way to turn, you can't turn left or
right, you can't go straight, it's a dead-end and so every time you drive
back down that street when they ask you for that, they make that bid for
connection or for attention, you're just gonna end up right back at that same
brick wall and we can't just do that over and over and over again, can we? So
Carla, just in a nutshell, synopsis, explain the situation and then we'll
coach from there. Okay, I'll make this as brief as I can.
Rudy, right when I joined, I guess it was still Marion 12 months or less or
bride boot camp or something, when I joined, everything Jackie said would
happen when I joined the boot camp, you're gonna be inundated with work,
you're gonna attract all the wrong guys, you know, the enemy is gonna come and
take you out, 100% true. I joined and within a week, Rudy was on my doorstep,
non-christian guy, sweet guy, but he was like, hey, I felt like maybe there was an
assignment there, so I said, this is not what I'm looking for but we can be
friends, that's kind of how it started. Well, he just declared that he was
gonna wear me down and that was like his intention from the outset, so long story
short, this went on and off and on and off for the last two years and to the
point where I knew I was never gonna get free from him unless I left the state
because he bought an apartment right around the corner from my
house and when I would break up with him, you know, get rid of him on Facebook, he
would show up at my window in the middle of the night, I mean, violated my
boundaries in a hundred different ways, it was very unhealthy. He has a lot of
good qualities but he's emotionally immature and not saved and he wasn't
really interested in getting saved and that was, you know, it's difficult, it's
difficult but on the bright side, Rudy is somebody who, what I look for in a human,
forget just a man but just all humans, is somebody that actually will do what they
say they're gonna do when they say they're gonna do it and it's exceedingly
rare to find that in my experience but Rudy was one of those people, when I
needed help moving something, he'd show up, he helped me when I moved here, he
asked me to marry him last December and I said no, the day I lost my job and was
getting laid off and I told him I'm probably gonna be moving and then
everything I said would happen, happened but he asked me to marry him and I just
had to say no but we stayed friends because he just doesn't know how to like
not talk to me or something so I don't know, it's just that odd, that pushed
me, I'm not gonna give up, I'm just gonna keep on coming, coming and coming which
is an attractive thing, I mean, I appreciate persistence and he's
definitely the most persistent human I've ever met. Okay, so let's put a pin in that,
okay, for just a second, so friends, let's just get honest, right, this is an honest
forum, when you're used to inconsistent action from men or women, okay, because
this is a mixed forum, it is refreshing to have someone who actually does what
they say they're gonna do, have someone who's actually, let's use that the
horrible word, pursuing you, right, pursuing your attention, pursuing
relationship with you and so it's easy to kind of overlook all the things that
they don't have when they have this, right, because the people that have the
other things that you want on your little Christian checklist, right, a lot
of times they don't have that thing, they're not bidding for your attention,
they're not pursuing a connection with you.
So it's easy to before you judge Carla, it's easy to, you know,
get caught up in that because we all we all want connection.
We've been created for it. Right? So Rudy was given her that.
The problem is, is he was given her a lot of other stuff too.
Right? Some ics. There's some ics going on here coming to your
window. Like half the people were like, Oh, no, no, no, Joe.
No, I feel you. It's all true. I get it.
Paul's like, did you call the cops? Okay, so like, this is not
a Melissa Etheridge song. Come to my window. No, don't come to
my window. No, I felt that Romeo and Juliet. No. All right. Did
you honestly, honestly, because I know that God has opened the
door, but did you move because of this man?
I'm not entirely but I knew that it was got part of God's rescue
mission for me. Yeah, because because he because here's the
thing. Did he actually verbally say I'm going to wear you down?
Yeah. Because that's exactly what was happening. We're
getting worn down. Yeah, you were about to settle. And
here's the thing. So many of you have said this. And I just got a
message from a guy today, a cute guy in Nashville, ladies in
Nashville, if you're under 40, hit me up because he's younger.
But here's the thing. He said, this is why I'm actually he
said, this is why I'm actually considering dating non Christian
women. You know why? I'll tell you why. Because this is the
second girl and this guy is he's healthy. He's good looking. He's
just a relocation in Nashville. He just moved there recently.
But he this the second girl that he was, you know, pursuing and
dating that said to him, you know, you're great. You're
wonderful. I really enjoy our relationship. Like it wasn't a
cop out like she really enjoys the relationship wants to
continue it. But God said no. God said I can't. I just don't
have peace on it. What? Get the heck out of here. You guys if I
hear this one more time, I'm gonna throat punch the devil.
Right? I'm just so mad about it. I'm so tired of it. It's not
true. Okay? You're in relationship with a good healthy
person, you know, that's pursuing God. They're not
perfect, but they're trying and it's just like, well, I don't I
just can't I don't have any peace on it. What kind of peace
are you looking for? You know, and this is what's happening to
us. What's happening is that we have this internal expectation
of what it's going to feel like when we meet the person. And when
it doesn't happen, we start to talk ourselves out of it. Well,
surely if this was from God, then all these supernatural
things would be happening. And I would feel this way and this
would happen. We have all of this preconceived idea. And then
we start putting words in God's mouth. We do that. Okay, but
this guy from his own mouth said to Carla, I'm gonna wear you
down. That's not good. All right. And then and then it
started happening. And so God relocated her. All right. She
got relocated. And you guys, I do have that word written down
here. So if I forget someone, please remind me before tonight
is over. We've got to talk about relocation. Right? So, but that
didn't work because Carla lives halfway across the country now.
And guess what happened? Go ahead, Carla.
Well, you know, we're still Facebook friends. Because when
I've deprinted him on Facebook before, then I would get like a
text message from a few weeks later, when he discovered it
going, well, we're not even friends anymore. I would never
do that to you and just like crying. And you know, I don't
like to hurt people. I've broken up with him so many times. And
every time he's like, hurt and destroyed. And, but he just
keeps on coming. And I'm just like, are you just a glutton
for punishment? I don't understand. But it also there's
a pursuing thing. So there's a weird dynamic, and I own my
crap. And there it is. But it's okay, because here's the thing.
We all listen, every single one of us want to have someone who's
truly devoted to us. We want to have someone let's just be
honest. We want to have someone who would make the grand
gesture. We want to have someone who would move hell and high
water. We want someone who would do that, right? Go through hell
and high water move heaven and earth. We want someone and so
this guy is the wrong guy. But he's doing all the right things.
Yes. And a very manipulative way. All right, keep going.
Yeah. And all you guys with the soul tie talk. I get it. And
I've done it. So he doesn't understand soul ties. I do. And
I have done my part, but he was still coming. So anyway, um, I've
been here for almost three months now. And the other night,
I got this, I had a
conversation with him recently, just a friendly conversation.
She's like, Hey, how you doing? Pretty normal. But I'm just
hadn't talked to him in a while. And it wasn't like romantic. It
was nothing. It was just friendly. And then the other
night, I got this text from him, like, in the wee hours of the
morning, this is like, Saturday morning, about 345 my time, I
didn't see until I woke up. But he told me he was out with his
buddy thinking about me. And this is the first time he's ever
done this. But it's like thinking about you like WTF,
lol.
First of all, she got that text message at 345. Central time
because she lives in Texas. Now. He sent it then at 145. Okay, so
it's a booty call. Right? All right. 145 more y'all any
messages that you get from anyone that happened late at
night? They ain't good ones. All right. Because that means
that that person is sitting around. What are they doing?
They're thinking about you. They're thinking about you
because they've been drinking. And now they're thinking, right?
No. All right, keep going.
So I didn't see until I woke up at 630 my time. So I was like,
what kind of what were you thinking? Because I just need
information. I don't want to diagnose it without more
information. I said, but what kinds of thoughts were you
having? Because this sounds like demonic intrusion to me. So
I just wanted to know. But he didn't answer my text. So I went
to this day long conference at my church, and he never responded
text. So I called him on my way home, just to say, hey, what was
going on with that? Because he needs to understand about the
soul ties. I want to give him that opportunity. Like, look, if
you don't want to be thinking thoughts about me, I can tell
you how to do that from your end. You know, I've done what I
can from here, but he's got to take some, even if they even if
he doesn't believe in it, I would like him to just say,
hey, just you know what, just try it. See if it brings you
some relief, because I don't want him to be tormented
either. So I called him and he didn't answer. So I texted him
and I said, Hey, tell me some more about the thoughts. Where
did they leave you that feeling? Were they peaceful thoughts?
Were they intrusive?
He's gone into full blown ministry mode now y'all with
this dude, right? And I appreciate you Carla. And I
appreciate because I know her in person and I know that she's
kind. But y'all the hardest thing, write this down. The
hardest thing that you will ever do is leave a soul tie on red.
Please write it down. The hardest thing that you will ever
do is leave a soul tie on red. And for those of you that don't
know what that means, it means that you read their text
message, but you didn't respond. You read their email, but you
didn't respond. You saw the missed phone call, but you did
not respond. I've had to do it. And you'll have to do it too. If
you want to be free. Clean breaks heal the fastest. You
have to do it if you want to be free. And they may not stop the
first time or the second time or even the third time. You guys I
had a soul tie once that was so strong that I would feel in my
physical body when I was going to run into this person. I would
know that I was going to see them that day. Okay, when I gave
birth to my daughter, they I don't know if they still do
this, but where I lived in Columbus, Ohio, when you gave
birth, or if you got married or divorced or died, they put it in
a little vital statistic thing in the newspaper. Okay, this is
how old we all are, I guess. So she's 23 years old. So 23 years
ago, that's what they did in the Columbus dispatch. And guess
what? He saw me somewhere and must have seen that I was
pregnant, and was watching the vital statistic column to see
when I gave birth to that baby, so that he could message me and
say congratulations. I got a text message just out of the
blue one day. Well, I guess it wasn't a text message. I guess
it was an email because it's a long time ago. I don't think
texting really existed yet. I got a message that just said,
congratulations. You know, that's creepy, right? But the
thing is, is that if you had a strong emotional attachment to
that person, then you it doesn't come off as creepy comes off as
Oh, they really care about me. You know, oh, they they really
miss me. Oh, they, you know, maybe I missed my soulmate.
Maybe they were the person because why do I feel like I'm
going to see them all the time because you guys I didn't
understand soul ties and all that stuff back then. All I knew
is that I had some kind of connection to this person that
was visceral. And finally, years later, y'all, it did not end
there. Years later, because I got divorced from my my baby
daddy.
from my daughter's father, right?
And so I was a free agent for a second, right?
And so that situation full circled
and I got back into contact, ran into Saul,
you know, whatever crazy, crazy things.
I can tell you crazy stories, but I will tell you this.
There came a point when God just said to me,
you have to stop responding.
And that was the hardest thing
because this person wasn't mean to me.
They weren't unkind.
You know, it's easy to cut people off
when you know that they're, you know, objectively toxic
and they've abused you and hurt you
and cheated on you or whatever, it's easier.
But when someone's been kind and good,
like what Carla's talking about,
he's always there for her, helping her move stuff,
always checking in on her, all the things,
it's harder, but it's still necessary.
And so when the first email came,
he was actually deployed in Iraq
and he sent me an email, you know, pray for me,
I'm in Iraq, you know, and stuff,
you guys, I didn't respond.
And I felt like horrible person.
And then the next thing happened,
I didn't respond and I didn't respond,
I didn't respond, I didn't respond.
And then in a moment of weakness,
I called his old roommate
and you know what his old roommate said to me
and this gave me a lot of closure.
He said, I said, hey, how's so-and-so doing?
I know that they're, you know, over in,
this is the way guys, I tried to get around it
by not responding to them,
but also talking to someone who knows them
to find out how they are, right?
So I called his old roommate and I was just like,
hey, you know, a guy, I said, hey, how is so-and-so,
you know, blah, blah, blah.
And he said, yeah, he waited forever for, you know,
for you to respond and you never responded.
And he was distraught, he was distraught,
he was destroyed, he was trying to, you know,
he was trying to figure out how to get ahold of you,
blah, blah, blah, blah.
And I was just like, yeah.
And he said, can you leave him alone now?
Will you just leave him alone?
Will you just let him move on with his life?
And I was like, yeah, I will.
And then I did.
And you gotta do that
because while he's not your person, you're also not his.
You're not all, you're also not his.
And you guys, a lot of times people are attracted
to the Holy Spirit inside of us,
but we make it all about us, right?
And remember, I'm only talking about the people that come
that are not toxic.
Now, does he have some toxic behaviors
of like stalking her and going to her window,
you know, and all the things?
Yeah, did it escalate?
Doesn't sound like it.
But even in this last bid for attention,
she's moved halfway across the country.
And what is he doing?
He's gaslighting her.
He doesn't know any better probably.
He's gaslighting her in the way of,
oh, we're not even friends anymore.
I can't believe, what is that?
That's trying to get her to open the door again.
That's trying to get her to reconnect in relationship,
to make her feel bad for what she's done.
It's a bid for attention.
And also it's emotionally and even spiritually manipulative
because here's the reason why it's really important.
Because it's one way to just say,
I wanna know that I still have my hooks in you.
And if I pull a little, that I can still get you, right?
You guys, that's that spirit talking.
A lot of times the human person
that that spirit is working through doesn't know it.
But what they're doing is they're still trying to see
whether or not they have any kind of hold on you.
For all of you that have had breakups
that maybe were more toxic
and you see that the people are still watching your stories
on Instagram, you can see that they watched your stories,
but they never say anything.
They don't comment.
They're just watching your stories.
You had a few dates and then they ghosted you
or people's like, why would people ghost me
and then still watch my stories?
Because they want to see what they're missing out on.
They wanna see.
They're probably avoidantly attached
and they just wanna make sure
that in case you do something cool,
they can just kind of pop up out of nowhere.
In case you're looking ladies extra special sexy that day,
they can just kind of pop up out of nowhere
in case they change their mind, right?
These are very manipulative things.
And you guys, we have to cut them off.
We have to cut them off.
If someone's still watching your stories
after all this years and you dated them back then
and it didn't work out or whatever, block them.
Don't let them watch your stories.
Don't keep that little tiny little cinder alive.
Okay, because Lucifer is going to come and blow on it and try to get that started,
that fire, that party started again, right? Lucifer. Lucy's coming. All right. So make sure
you guys, I want to address all this weird spiritual stuff that's been going on in some
of our community. Don't let me forget to do that. Okay. Relocation. I'm writing it down
with my Sharpie relocation and spiritual mess. You guys, I'm joking around about Lucy,
but I am saying that we do not want to keep those doors open. Slam them shut,
double lock them and move on. Okay. Spiritual chaos. All right. So Carla,
you're going to have to just let this man go and you can't, you can't minister to him.
You can't minister to him. You can't because even it's an ulterior motive for him.
Right. And it kind of is for you too, because there isn't anything new going on in your
love life right now. And this guy really is like, so like just head over heels about you,
even with you moved away and you guys, there's some ego involved here.
Let's just all be honest with ourselves. It feels good
to be cared about by somebody. It feels good to be wanted. Does it not?
If you can do it, like right there and then go right there. It looks like he's.
So what are you going to do now?
Oh, well, I put him on my phone and I just, he hasn't tried to contact me and just let me be
clear. Yeah. Everything you just said is absolutely true historically, but right now this isn't,
this isn't appealing to my ego. This isn't, he's flexing on me and I don't like that. I don't
appreciate it. He's just saying, yeah, I told you he was flexing on you, but he's wanted to see if
he still has hooks in you. Right. But I haven't responded since then. I'm not still trying to
reach him. And it's like, I need you to know you didn't break me. I'm going to be like Molly ring
roll. Well, at the end of pretty in pink, going to the prom, you didn't break me and now you're
blocked. So that, that is my next thing is just to do this after this call is just block him.
Yeah. Just block them, just block them. He'll move on, you know, and hopefully
somewhere along his, you know, you're a brick in his wall, you know, and hopefully
that will turn into you're a paver on his path and it will lead him to Jesus. Pray,
pray fully. It will. But ladies, especially you men don't do this as much as women do,
do not lie to yourself and say, well, you know, maybe, maybe I'm supposed to lead them to Jesus.
No, no, no. It doesn't work. It's a distraction for you. It's a demonic distraction. Okay. It is
of the best kind, right? Doing good things instead of God things. And so let's just go
ahead and move on. Carla. It's such a great example because 80% of the people here are
going to deal with that. So so Carla volunteered a tribute and she went first and now she,
and here's the thing, God moves you to a new city. You have this big open landscape in front of you
of who knows what kind of amazing things. And so let's stay fully focused where you are.
All right. Okay. So let's go ahead and jump into Katie, Alison, and you guys I know we took a
little bit of time on that one. We took about 15 more minutes, but I think it's a really important
one. Um, because a lot of you are going to deal with soul tie kind of stuff, right? I just told
you about my crazy soul tie that spanned over a decade of my life. And so let's go ahead and
cut those things off quick. All right. The quicker that we make space for new things, the faster that
new things will show up. Right. Katie, you're up. Okay. Alison was asking if she could go next
because of her kids, I think. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. They're going to be home soon and I won't
be able to talk. Oh yeah. Okay. Um, so I, my question is, um, how and when do you introduce
your kids to your partner? Um, right now, um, my boyfriend, Ben, he has five daughters and I have
two. And, um, my 13 year old is very upset about our relationship. Um, she gets visibly sad whenever
I mentioned him, she wants us to break up. And I know it's coming from a place of like,
fear, like loss and time with me and just being, you know, so I know it's coming.
that's where it's coming from. And it's just so sad to see
something that is making me so happy. That is just making her
so upset. And it's the only child that's like that. The
other one isn't. She's more curious. The other one says she
doesn't like it. But she likes she she I know that she likes
when like, he'll like drop flowers off at my house or like
she likes she told me that she's like, you know, Mom, she's like,
I don't like it. But she's like, I'm really happy for you.
Because I know you're really lonely. And I'm really happy to
see you being treated really well.
Okay, so your daughters do they see their dad? They do. Okay.
And does your dad know about Ben? Their dad?
Yes. So that's another piece in this. So like, there's just I
this is crazy.
Do you feel like any of it? Like, of course, you guys kids,
especially kids that are going into puberty. Okay, so preteen
tweens and teens, they already have had a lot of loss, they've
already been through divorce, or you know, your spouse passed
away, death or something. And they are reluctant to lose the
current parent, okay, and the attention of the current parent.
And so they don't want to compete, you guys, it's I look,
my mom was married three times before I was 10 years old, I
understand what it's like to be a kid with this scenario. All
right. And so number one, you know, you have to make sure that
you know, one thing that you can definitely do, and everyone
listen that has children, is that I know, when you're getting
into a new relationship, you feel like a kid again, you're
like a teenager, that's all you think about, you want to talk to
them, and it's so exciting, and flowers and dates and all the
things, try to keep that stuff on your time without your child.
All right. So if you have shared parenting, okay, if you don't
have shared parenting, then when they go to grandma and grandpa's
whatever, if you have shared parenting when it is your former
spouse's time, that is when you are free to date and to talk on
the phone for hours, when your kids are home, continue to pay
the same amount of connection and attention to them as you did
before. Okay, because this is why kids get resentful of their
parents in new relationships, because they already see the
changes, they see the writing on the wall. Okay, so that's
important. The next thing that's important is that when it's time
for them to meet the person because you're got really
serious. So you guys about to be in Cymbus? Yeah. Okay, so it's
serious. It's a marriage minded courtship. When it gets to the
level of serious, then make sure that you are planning some
outings, some fun things, fun, fun, fun things with the kids
with your potential partner. Right? Things that are going to
paint your partner in a great light that they're going to be
able to interact with the kids and have fun. Now with all the
kids, that's seven kids. All right. And kids can feel lost in
the mix there, just with your kids and him. Okay. And then
just with you and his kids, when your kids are at their dads.
All right, and then eventually, all the kids, but let's work up
to that. All right, so that I mean, the all the kids can meet
on like kind of a, you know, a basic level. But let's spend
some quality time getting these kids used to you his and your
is used to him. Right? And then of course, all the kids used to
each other, eventually, five girls and two girls. Geez,
that's a lot. Okay, so, but do the dating when your kids are.
And after you get married, also do that. Okay, get on the same
shared parenting schedule. He has his you have yours all at
the same time. And then you don't have them all at the same
time. So you can be newlyweds. And you can canoodle and you can
do all the things and just get lost in each other. And then
when you have the kids, you're in parent mode. Right? Okay.
Very important.
So the other question I had was, you know, it's not like we're
20. It's not like I'm coming home. I'm like, Oh, you know,
here's my boyfriend. It's just there's so many other
relationships that are affected by our relationship. Sure. I
have a fairly cordial post divorce relationship with my ex,
but he is not taking this well. And he is, you know, I've been
having to have discussions with him. And then after I had those
discussions with him, you know, I go back to Ben because I want
to be honest, dating Ben, not long. It's been up. It's been
like five weeks, but it is like, Oh, no. Yeah. Okay, so there's
our trouble y'all. Okay. So it's going fast. And and that is
that's another reason why your oldest daughter is like, I
don't like it. Yeah. Okay. Because things are changing too
quickly. And you guys, children, especially that have gone
through divorce, they have PTSD.
All right, I know that divorce is so normal now.
Everyone's parents are divorced.
It does not change the fact that it is a trauma, okay,
that gives children post-traumatic stress, all right?
And so anything around relationship of their parents
is gonna be a trigger for them.
And so you have to give them time
to get used to this idea, okay?
You guys are already going into Simbis.
You know, do you feel like,
is he pushing you along this fast?
Are you the one that's driving this car?
No, all right, so it's been six weeks,
but no, I don't know what to say.
Because Alison, that extra week
just makes all the difference.
It totally does, it really does.
It really pushed it over the level.
I don't know what to say.
I feel like how we met was a complete miracle
and I feel the hand of the Lord on this.
Look, we believe in the supernatural here,
but we still have to pace.
Yeah, so I don't know.
Yeah, I just feel like the Simbis
is gonna be a good tool to kind of
figure some of this stuff out ahead of time.
You know, it's not like I have,
I don't know how to gauge.
Do you have your kids on the Simbis night?
Well, they get back at 8.30 and it starts at nine.
So that's gonna be a little challenging, but.
It doesn't start at nine?
I think you have it starting at nine Eastern time.
I could be wrong, I thought I read it, that's where it starts.
I think it starts at 8.30.
Eastern, but still they'll be getting back right then.
Yeah.
Okay.
But they're used to me like doing,
like they know that I have a Zoom class,
like because on Tuesdays and Thursdays
is when they come back.
I know what the content of that class is
and I know the kind of stuff that you'll be talking about
and or you'll be listening to.
And so, yeah, so you might wanna have the earphones in
and yeah, okay.
Yeah, okay.
Okay, cool.
All right, so you guys, there's the trouble, all right?
And once again,
we believe in supernatural acceleration here.
I tell you, it can happen suddenly, right?
But so we're not saying that this is not a God thing,
but we are saying that even when it is a God thing,
we have to remember that we are not the only people
in the love story.
Our children are in the love story too.
Our in-laws and out-laws are in the love story too.
You know, there are other people's feelings at stake here
and we have to honor those other people's feelings,
all right?
So we have to pace ourselves,
not just at the pace that we wanna go at,
but at the pace that other people can go at too,
because we can't drag people kicking and screaming.
It's just gonna make it worse for you in the long run
if you don't allow people to acclimate now, all right?
So that's important.
All right, so hopefully that answered
a lot of your questions.
Yes, and six weeks really does make the difference over five.
That's good.
All right, thank you.
Well, I mean, it's usually when you can find out
you're pregnant.
So that one week does make a difference in that.
Okay, so, all right.
So, but we are happy.
We are excited for you and Allison,
but at the same time, we wanna pace ourselves.
Okay, and I get to meet him.
So I'll get to meet him on Thursday.
All right, Katie, you're up.
All right, basically a little bit of backstory
and then I'll get to my question for like the current thing.
Pretty much for me, I think a pattern has emerged
that I'm always kind of the best friend to guys
or getting friend zoned and like as far back
as I can remember.
So I've talked to friends, I've done all this stuff,
kind of before I was a believer and then after.
And so I think I'm now at this place
coming into the program that I feel like I've broken
a lot of that stuff off and God has revealed a lot of things.
I've broken soul ties with like Taylor Swift
and her vibe of always a girlfriend, never a bride.
I mean, I'm like doing everything that I can
to try to figure out why this keeps happening for me.
And so I love my guy friends
and I've set some of them up with their wives.
Like I have no problem with this feeling
of community matchmaking if they're not for me, et cetera.
But I think I'm getting to a point now where I'm just like,
is this in me something that I'm putting out there
because I will feel a connection
and then they'll be vibing friends.
And so I'm like, how are we so off?
And it only comes after lack of clarity.
Like there'll be almost like using up my time
and I'll feel this connection.
And then finally I have to be like, what are we doing?
What is this?
And it's, oh, I was just vibing friends.
So then I restrict access, like, okay,
well, I don't want that.
And then it's like, they're confused
because they don't wanna let me go.
They like my friendship, they want that.
But then I'm heartbroken
because I'm watching them fall in love with someone else
and whatever and so.
Okay, so that's what I want you to do, Katie.
I want.
you to and you guys and you guys best friends do make the best lovers, they make the best
partners and spouses. But you don't have to start as best friends, right? It can start
purely romantic. And so because Katie has this pattern, where she always comes in through
the friend door, right? And I can just even just by hearing Katie talk, I can see how
that could happen. Just by seeing her, you know, kind of body language, you know, and
stuff and I could see how that could happen to her. So what I want Katie to do is I want
Katie to come in through the I'm a woman door. All right, from the very first moment she
meets them. All right, meet them on an app. From the very first moment. She's not going
to be look, remember Gilligan's Island, she's not going to be she's not going to be she
is going to be ginger. All right. She's not gonna be Marianne. She gonna be ginger. Remember
ginger? Okay. The Archie comics. She's not going to be you know, which one was which?
She's gonna be Veronica. All right. This is what's gonna happen here. Nobody. Yeah, so
I flirted I have flirted and it's like, it throws them off guard. So then I went to the
apps because I was like, okay, it must be all just my guy friends and whatever. So I
go to the apps and then it's so physical and sexual. Like, when they know, not all of it.
I get I get proposition a lot for like boy toy cougar situations and a lot of like sugar
daddy, weird app stuff. And I just don't get a lot of dates from apps anyway. Like I finished
the seven date challenge and it took me 18 years to finish. I've got had seven dates
off the apps in 18 years. Okay, so you guys I don't know. Well, let's go into let's use
Katie situation to do a little coaching in an area that I already had written down. Because
I feel like because we're talking about dating apps right now. And that is you guys and really
just in even if it's meeting people in person meeting people out in the wild in person,
whether it's singles events or dating apps, it's a lot like fishing. My grandfather he's
passed ways in heaven, but he was a country country bumpkin and he loved to fish. And I
thought fishing was pretty boring. Because, you know, you're not always guaranteed a bite. Right.
And so but my grandpa enjoyed, you know, just the process of fishing. So he would go out and he
would cast his line. Right. And, you know, and just wait, and he get a bite you guys, just so
you know, the odds are in your favor that you're going to get a bite. It's going to happen sooner
or later, it's going to happen. The thing is, is that it's not always a quality catch, is it?
And so, you know, sheep's head, you know, all kinds of things that whatever was coming in from
the lake, throw it back, throw it back and throw it back quickly. Guys, throw it back quickly.
If someone immediately propositions you or somebody, you know, they start out,
they haven't even known you, hey, sexy, whatever, just throw it back quickly.
You don't got to mess around with that. You don't got to waste your time with that.
So many people waste their time. Also, you say, hey, they say, hey, you say,
how are you doing? What's up with you? They say that. And then the next day, they're,
hey, how are you doing? I already told you how I was doing yesterday,
right? Ask for the sale, okay? Ask for the sale immediately. That way, we're not wasting a bunch
of time on these apps. We're not going to say, hey, how are you doing for five months with someone
on an app? We're going to get right to, do you want to get to know me? Do you want to, right?
Do you want to meet up? Do you want to see each other face to face? Yes or no? All right. We're
going to do that because, and you guys, for those of you that go through and you just swipe on a
million people, okay, that's net fishing and you're going to get a lot of chump. If you put that net
out like that, you're going to get a lot of crazy stuff, right? So perhaps only try to talk to a few
quality line pull catches at a time, right? And when those putter out, then you can move on to
more because most of us don't have the bandwidth to keep up 15 conversations. Most people don't.
It's really important. Only go fishing and Jackie's that, Oh, you guys, I have so many
exciting things that I want to tell you. And the good news is, is that you guys all
get to volunteer as tribute for what's about to happen. And it's really exciting. Okay. So
Um, so the odds are with you, they really are with you.
You're going to get a bite, but we're not all quality.
And so, so Katie here says that when she gets on the app, she's
finding young boys that have some older woman fantasy.
No, bye.
In fact, set your, set your age metrics to not even allow that to happen.
Right.
Set your age metrics that don't show me to anyone and don't show anyone
to me that is not legal.
They can still do what they can still go through some of the parameters, but
also I still want a family.
So like late thirties, um, is kind of sometimes where it ends up and
that's why I throw them back.
That's why I've only had seven.
How old are you?
45.
Oh, 45.
Okay.
So you're, you're thinking that men that are still in their late thirties
are still willing to father a child.
A lot of the guys.
Yeah.
My age have set like no more kids or don't want any more kids.
So I'm open to that.
A lot of the sectum ease.
They tell me, okay, so gotcha.
So you're still hoping for a family.
I gotcha.
Okay.
So, um, so the best advice that I can give you is, you know, um, Don't
come into the front door.
Don't come in through the mom door to make sure that you don't come
in through any of those doors.
Don't come in through the, um, you know, uh, put a little bit more.
Um, what's the word that I want?
It's not urgency.
That's not the word, but you know, put a little more weight on it.
Put a little bit more weight on the connection.
Okay.
Um, and what I mean by that is, is that you guys, a lot of times in order to
kind of keep ourselves from disappointment, we hold things a little too loosely.
I think it's important because there are people that are serious
about kingdom partnership out there.
And if we want to meet those people, then we need to hold
ourselves super seriously too.
You know, if you need to sit down and write a little resume for
yourself about why you're a catch.
Cause if you're pole fishing, someone else's pole fishing too.
Why are you a catch?
Why should someone really want to get to know you romantically?
Why should they want to get to know you romantically?
What kind of spouse would you be?
What kind of partner would you be?
What kind of parent would you be?
You know, sometimes we've got to get that in front of our face
because a lot of times, you know, we don't know it, but we're actually
devaluing ourselves in these interactions.
We're not really showing people that, you know, we're the best pick.
Right.
And so we got to feel that way about ourselves before we can
actually make someone else feel that way about us, because there's no
doubt in my mind that if I was single right now, God forbid, something
happened to Davey Dorman, you know, that I could go out and, you
know, meet someone and get married.
And that does not have anything to do with the fact that I think I'm cute.
It doesn't have to do with that.
It has to do with the fact that I know that I'm a great partner.
I know that I'm a great partner.
I know that I'm a great woman.
You know, I know that I have a lot to offer relationship and people will be
stupid not to want to be in relationship with me and you got to get that, Katie.
These men would be insane not to choose me and to want to
keep me in some friend zone.
You know, I'm a great woman.
I'm intelligent.
I'm smart.
I'm talking about, you know, I'm intelligent.
I'm smart.
I'm, I'm sexy.
I'm a great lover.
I'm this, I'm that, you know, we gotta, gotta get, gotta dig into it.
Okay.
So that we can exude that with people.
Right.
I have, I'm not saying that you should do this, Katie, but some of you
might want this coaching ladies, you know, don't be afraid to, you know,
I mean, look, I got a little shoulder up.
Don't be afraid to show a little shoulder, you know not anything
immodest, but something that reminds people that you're a woman.
Okay.
I have a client.
She's high level, high level client.
And, um, she sent me a picture.
You guys, she had the tiniest cleavage out.
I mean the tiniest cleavage out.
I'm not saying she has tiny cleavage, but she had the tiniest cleavage showing.
But what I met her, she was wearing.
It's this is what she looked like.
And I was like, honey, honey, this is why you have no boyfriend.
Okay.
So pull it down a little bit, a little off the shoulder, you know, kind of thing.
Get, you know, and just I'm cute.
Feel cute.
Feel yourself.
Stacy knows what I'm talking about.
Feel yourself, feel yourself a little bit.
Um, all right.
And.
So unless you live in the frozen tundra
and it's the middle of winter,
feel yourself a little bit, all right?
And I'm not talking about sun's out, buns out.
I'm not talking about that, okay?
Gentlemen, sun's out, guns out, maybe.
But you know,
you know, when you look a little,
when you feel a little flirty,
yeah, it's a little flirty.
And especially at the beginning, boy meet girl,
flirty is good.
Flirty is good.
All right, so we're believing that Katie
is going to go out of the friend zone
and into the end zone on her next update.
She's gonna meet someone who
doesn't wanna be her friend at all.
Because friendship can come later.
It really can, you guys.
Friendship can come later.
But that wants to be more than friends,
right, from the beginning.
So I see a couple extra hands that went up
than people from before.
So we'll start here.
Is that how you say this?
Is that how you say your name?
Because I'm terrible.
Yeah, it was Dean.
All right, what do you got?
Well, you had commented on my little weekly update,
but I get very in my head after first dates.
I mean, I'm still, you know,
going out on a lot of first dates
and trying to do second dates.
But I just get very in my head and very,
like, I start to spiral in my head
about how it's my fault that, you know,
I don't know that I'm too picky or,
I mean, I know a lot of that has started to be revealed
from the first few phases.
So I know there is a lot of fear there
that's probably been passed down generationally and whatnot.
But that's kind of where I've been.
And this last one, I went on a first date,
it was at the zoo, it was fun.
He was very gentlemanly.
He is a believer.
We have different backgrounds,
which I'm, you know, I'm just being open about that
and different educational level,
which I know you've talked about before as well.
And so that's kind of a,
something I'm also trying to work through is,
you know, what, okay,
they have a different educational background.
I feel very confident in my success
and education has been important
in my family background as well.
And so, yeah, those were kind of the places
that I was spiraling down like,
well, because I'm very educated,
I can't find some honor because I'm in a certain city.
So I don't know what it means for me.
Well, first of all,
we're not gonna talk about what we can't do, right?
We're gonna talk about what we can do.
Everybody, we're gonna talk about what we can do.
And for those of you, I see messages coming,
I'm on my iPad,
so I can only kind of see them over here in the corner.
Guys, I'm not talking about seducing someone
with your naked body, okay?
I'm talking about do what you need to do
to remind yourself and the man that you're talking to
that you're a woman, right?
That you're a woman, all right?
Yes, I will tell you,
when I coach men, one of their biggest fears,
one of the men, one of men's biggest fears,
I don't care how much they love Jesus,
one of men's biggest fears, as they tell me privately,
is that they're gonna end up with a woman
who is rigid and frigid, okay?
That does not like to be affectionate.
Not just sex, it doesn't like to be affectionate.
That doesn't like to be womanly with their manly, right?
And so, show from the very beginning that you're warm,
that you're open, that you're, you know,
there's a difference between being sexual and sensual.
Sensual has to do with the senses.
We want their senses to be aware of the fact
that we're a woman, whether it's the perfume you wear
or the way you curled your hair,
or, you know, just get into your feminine,
not just the inside, but the outside, okay?
So that's what I'm saying.
All right, so let me ask you a question.
I want you to be honest.
Are you picky?
I have been, so I'm working on opening my like parameters.
Like I've, in this challenge,
I've dated outside of my race preferences a lot more,
educational backgrounds.
That's awesome.
So it's been really challenging for me personally,
just to be an uncomfortable,
like be with people who are different than me,
but it's been awesome.
I love what you're saying right now.
And you guys, it's not gonna go away right away.
All of us like what we are familiar with.
I just got back from Columbia.
And you know what?
Columbia is supposed to have the best food in the world.
They have food from all over the world in Columbia,
every kind of restaurant you could think of.
I found myself actually eating the same stuff
that I eat in America, right?
Cause we are creatures of habit, aren't we?
And we gravitate towards what's familiar.
And the thing is, is that just because you don't just because you don't think you like it doesn't mean it's not good.
Right. There were lots of things that other people were eating that they were like, Jackie, try this.
And I was like, no. And this is how we are a lot in our relationships as well.
We look at it. It's unfamiliar. We're not saying that it's not doesn't have any value because other people are obviously enjoying it.
We're just saying that we don't think it's for us. But maybe it is.
Maybe we should take a little nibble. Right. Take a little taste and see.
And so it sounds like you're doing that. But here's what I want you to do, because I'm remembering your post now.
I want you to give it a little longer. Give it a little longer. Guys, not everyone's a quick sell.
And if I had time, I could go through the love stories from this community only.
OK. Where people weren't really sure that they were interested at first and now they're happily married to them.
Because some people, they just they don't win you over right away.
There are people that you have to get to know in order to really see how great they are.
In fact, I don't know if it was you or not. It may not have been you, but another lady or you, I'm not sure who it was.
They posted about how they had seen a few people and, you know, what exactly did they say?
Basically, the advice that I gave them is, you know, why don't you why don't you take the same advice that you're giving these other people, these guys?
And that is, you know, give it some more time. Right.
Oh, I know what it was. They liked someone and the person was just like, no, I just want to be friends.
And they were saying to them, well, hey, you don't even know me yet. Give it some more time.
And yet they were doing that exact same thing to other people. So let's take our own advice, y'all, and give it some time.
Right, guys, there are some things that are immediate. No. Right.
I already said you pull in the sheep's head, you reel in the line, you see what it is, you just throw it back.
And those are the people that are overtly after sex. You know, they are very obviously not a Christ follower.
Like you don't even have to guess, you know, immediately that this person does not practicing faith.
All right. Those are it's a yes until it's a no. And that's that's a no.
But there are other people that it's more ambiguous. You don't know. You really don't know what they're all about.
Give yourself a chance to get to know them. I know that we're all like we feel like we're in a race against time.
I don't want to waste any time. You guys, any time that you spend getting to know another creation of God is not a waste of your time.
Let's not see people as wasted time. Right. It's important that we don't treat people like that.
OK, so I think you're on the right track. I really do.
And I think all of the only advice that I want to give you right now is now you're taking a little tiny nibble.
Let's just eat a little more. Let's give it a little bit more time before we mark it off the list to see what unfolds.
Cool. All right. Report back. We want to know. And I love it. Don't you guys love it?
How she's like the world is right behind her. She got an atlas behind her.
I feel like Holy Spirit is saying, you know, taste and see Skittles. It's a rainbow.
You know, you just don't know. Right. International. Don't know. You don't know what's going to happen.
OK. And you guys. And the good thing about being in America is all the all the nations are here.
They're all here. So if you get like a international kind of marriage word, it doesn't mean you're going to move internationally.
It could be right here. All right. Stacy, you're up.
I think you may have had some other people before me that you already had in the rotation.
OK, so you're not the rotation already. OK, so keep your keep your hand up.
Abigail, did I tell you to come here tonight? OK, so go ahead, Abigail.
Yes, by the way, that's my daughter's name that's in heaven.
I have a daughter now, and I'm so happy that you know that your name means a father's joy.
I do, and I like going by Abigail, not Abby. Great.
And yeah, so you had commented I had I commented somewhere on the page and you told me to ask the question on love seats.
I was wondering when we should start offering to help pay for dates.
I've gone out with this guy four times and we have a few more dates planned, so I've
just heard a lot of very, like, conflicting, um...
How old are you?
How old are you, Abigail?
Um, I'm 29.
Okay.
And do you like this guy?
Do you think that there could be a potential romance?
Yeah.
I've gone on a lot of dates, uh, the past year and I really like him.
Okay.
So I'm going to...
So Abigail's question, just so, in case you guys missed it, is when should she start helping
pay financially for the meal, the date, okay, as she's getting to know this guy, as they're
dating, they're dating.
And I'm going to let Paul Brandt answer this question.
Paul, when should a woman start paying for the date?
Wow.
Um, I was waiting for your answer, Jackie.
I feel like, I feel like you're going to have a good answer.
Well, I mean, I keep, I just keep offering, I mean, in the relationship, I'm, I mean,
I'm at, if we're at, if we go like two or three places, she usually just, like, picks
up one of them, like, without me, you know, I never ask.
And so I don't have a set...
But you let her, but you let her do it.
I do.
I mean, usually she kind of sneaks a credit card or something, but I'm not like, no, you
can't.
You know, I think it's kind of give and take and, um, you know, so I don't, I knew that
Paul was going to have a great answer like this and I just knew, like he was highlighted
by Holy Spirit and ladies, I know that you're shocked that, you know, that because a lot
of you are like, never, never, never.
Okay.
I get it.
I understand.
But I want to talk to you really quickly about the history of the man paying the check.
And it's in my new dating book.
This is not a shameless plug for my new dating book, but it is in there.
Okay.
Um, and you guys, and this is important because people that are Abigail's age, so Gen Z and
younger millennials, they are asking this question.
They're asking this question.
Okay.
And so, because men are, men are feeling used, especially when women are going out and they're
not interested at all.
And the men's paying, you know, and chivalry, you know, and all the things, but you guys,
the history of a man paying the bill is not what you think it is.
It's not chivalry at all.
It is the turn of the century.
Okay.
Women are in the workforce because of the war.
So women are leaving their homes or going into the city.
They're working in factories.
They're working in commerce because the men are at war.
The men that are not at war that are home, they're also working in those places.
Okay.
But the women are getting paid half of what the men are getting paid.
Because the owners of those corporations don't think that women should get paid the same
as men, because they're assuming that the woman is only working to supplement the income
of some man that's gone to war or some man that's home that can't make ends meet because
of the war.
So they're paying her kind of like an extra little income for the family, a little second
income.
Right.
So they're making half or less than half of what men are making.
So these city girls that were living in the city that were working at these same places,
but making half the money, they couldn't afford to eat out.
And so the men took advantage of that situation and, you know, ask these women to go to eat
with them.
And they would always pay the bill knowing that the women did not have enough money to
pay for it.
That is the history of the men picking up the tab during dating.
Okay.
It's not a really great history, is it?
It's not.
Now, gentlemen, when you're first getting to know a woman and you don't know her at
all, okay, you're going out with her, always pick up the tab.
Always make sure that you have enough money to pick up the coffee.
Please don't do this, guys.
Don't say, okay, yeah, hey, let's go to coffee.
And then you get there before she does and order your coffee and go sit at the table
so that when she comes in, she goes up to order her coffee and then she pays for it
because you're already sitting down with your coffee.
Don't do that.
All right.
You're going to set a bad precedent.
And then you've got to kind of read the woman.
Some women are old fashioned and it doesn't matter how much we would do this type of coaching
in this session.
They still will think that you're a jerk.
If you ever even think about looking at them to pay, even half going Dutch, all the things.
All right.
No.
Some women.
So read the room.
And if the girl that you're liking is like that, then make sure that you understand that
that's not going to be a thing.
All right.
For everybody else, the first, second, maybe even third date while you're trying to decide
whether you really want to get to know this person better, like where Abigail is.
She said they've been on three or four dates and they have several more planned.
Abigail, I think that it would be kind of you to at least offer to pick up a check on one of your
next dates since you guys have been out so many times. He may not let you, and if he doesn't,
don't force it. He may not let you. If you're saying, he's like, no, absolutely not. Then
don't do it because he's an old-fashioned guy. There's old-fashioned women and there's old-fashioned
men. Yeah, I offered on the third and fourth dates. The third one, he was like, no, I've got
it. The fourth one, he let me help cover part of the meal. And you know what that might say?
That might say that he's actually starting to see you like a girlfriend because she's like,
I hope so. I hope so. I hope so. Because I guess when I was dating David, you know,
once we were dating, I definitely contributed, right? So if you're a princess and you're like,
no, no, never, never, never, then fine. Do you, boo. But I do not think in this modern age where
women, you know, hopefully, you know, the parity still exists. There is a wage gap. I'm not going
to go into full throttle feminism right now, but you know, women have money too. And if, you know,
if you're going places and you want to treat him sometime, men really do appreciate that.
Men do appreciate that. They do. They're, they're touched by that sometimes,
depending on what kind of guy it is that you're not just using him that you also are, you know,
wanting to give to him. And so I think, and here's another thing that I want to say, since this is
perfect right here, men's job ladies is not to pursue us. Okay. Their job is to show intentional
interest in us. And then we reciprocate or we don't reciprocate after that initial hanky drop,
after that initial face to face, that initial meetup is their job to show intentional interest
in us. Right. And if we reciprocate intentional interest back, then what happens there is it's
both of our jobs to continue the connection by pursuing each other. It's not the man's job to
pursue. We have to pursue connection with each other. Both of us, the woman has to pursue connection
and the man has to pursue connection where it gets messed up is if one person is being intentional
and pursuing and the other person isn't. And then that's when it feels gross. That's when you feel
used. That's when you feel taken advantage of, right? That's when you feel not seen. And that
can happen in marriage too. You guys, this intentional pursuit of each other is going to
continue for the rest of your life. This is not just a dating thing. That's why people are like,
date your wife, date your husband, intentionally pursue that person's heart for the rest of their
life. All right. So I didn't read the comments. I'm sure some of you disagree with this advice
right now, but you know, we live in a time when, you know, men want to be shown that they are
valued too. You know, Valentine's day is not just for women. It's for men.
You guys, I'm just going to say something right now and I might get on a little bit of a soapbox
and I had no intention of saying this, but I think that it needs to be said. I'm seeing this
trend going around on social media, tick tock, you know, and all these places where women are
just want to be completely just worshiped. You're like, I joke around about being a passenger
princess and David driving around, but they've taken this to a whole other level where it's like,
you know, when I'm in a bad mood and he brings me my slippers and you know, he gets me food and he
does this, you know, and stuff and blah, blah, blah, blah. It's just like, who wants to be in
relationship with you? You sound like a spoiled little brat, right? Ladies, let's not buy into
that. Okay. A grown man wants to be in relationship with a grown woman, not a spoiled little child
who wants her way and wants to be, you know, coddled and worshiped and served. Now the divine
masculine does serve his family, but if all you want to be is served, then that's a problem
because the Bible doesn't teach female submission. It teaches mutual submission
or to submit to one another in love. Okay. Very important stuff right now. Yes. Entitlement. It's
gross. Isn't it? It's not pretty. It's gross. And we're not going to do it. Y'all. Yeah. It's funny.
Especially for those of ladies that are still menstruating because you're like, what does that
have to do with anything Jackie? Because when you're on your period, you just want someone
to take care of you. You want someone to go get you chicken delight, extra queso,
margarita with an extra shot of tequila.
You know, if you drink, which I don't.
But yes, we don't want entitlement.
We really don't.
Okay.
So Abigail, you're gonna pick up maybe, okay,
so you picked up the last check,
so maybe you let him pick up one and you know, whatever.
And or maybe, you know, maybe whoever's idea it is, right?
And maybe just one time you'd be like,
hey, you know, I'd love to show you this restaurant
that I love my treat.
You know, just fun things like that.
Y'all just be fun.
Remember, not the very beginning.
And some men will never let you do it.
And that's fine.
And gentlemen, some women will never ever want to do it.
And that's fine too.
All right.
All right, who else did I ask to come tonight?
I see, I asked you to come to talk about your sitchy.
Okay, so then we'll go ahead and go with Stacey.
And then we'll go Stacey, Tiffany.
Wait, someone just disappeared.
Stacey, Dana.
Go Stacey, Dana, Tiffany.
All right, go ahead, Stace.
Okay, so I've been talking to Jeff from Indiana.
We are still talking.
We're still video chatting, everything like that.
We're gonna meet in June in Wisconsin.
So my question is, and it's reciprocal,
like getting in touch with each other and everything.
My question is, once we meet in Wisconsin,
then do, am I like, okay, now then I gotta leave it to him
or tell me what to do?
Okay, so you guys have been talking for how long?
Since the beginning of March.
And you guys are FaceTiming and everything, right?
Yeah, we video chat, we video chat, yeah.
Like every week?
Yeah, every week or every two weeks.
And like, let me tell you something cute.
I wanna tell you something cute.
Okay, tell me.
So then he, we were talking about
how we have people saved in our phone.
And he's like, yeah, I've got you saved like this.
And he sent me the picture and it was so cute.
It's a picture of me.
Obviously he must've really liked
because he either grabbed it off Facebook, I think.
And then he had a piece of cheese
because I'm from Wisconsin and then a cross
because I'm a woman of faith.
Aw.
So that was just cute.
It is cute.
Okay, so you guys are talking regularly,
when are you meeting in person?
At the end of June, like in the next week.
So March, April, May.
So it's gonna be around four months of knowing each other
when you get to meet in person.
And I think that it is enough time
for depending on the vibe of that meeting,
like how you're vibing,
how do you feel when you're in person with him?
If you're vibing with him,
just the same way that you are on these calls and stuff
and you're into it, then it's completely fair
if he hasn't already brought it back up
that you say, hey, what are we doing here?
Okay.
Okay?
Because here's the thing,
you've known each other long enough
and if you're vibing with him in person,
you need to know before you leave.
Do not do this via technology when you get home,
do it in person.
Okay.
And that goes for all of you.
Long distance has to move faster
because you need to know if you're just continuing
to pour all of your good stuff
into a vase that has holes in it.
You don't wanna do that.
It doesn't make any sense.
Right?
It is just me.
They're gonna have been talking
and getting to know each other for four months
before she ends up with him in person.
And if they're feeling each other in person,
then they need to make a plan.
Okay.
Gotta make a plan.
Okay.
Keep us posted.
I will.
Thank you.
Wisconsin.
All right, Dana Lynn.
Hi.
How are you doing?
Good.
How are you?
I'm good.
So my question is,
how do you know when to like draw the line
and let them go?
Like, I guess I'm balancing giving them time
and being patient.
But when you kind of draw that line,
because I tend to hold on a little bit too long
expecting things to change or get better
or for them to decide to like really pursue.
So I've been talking to this guy since the end of March.
And at first it was just sporadic
and now it's been pretty consistent.
We met once,
but it seems like every time we have a date set up,
things come up.
So-
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Things come up for you or him?
For him.
Okay.
So how many days has he canceled?
So we had three dates set up and we went on one,
but even that day,
so the first one he's like-
oh I can't find my keys um and then he's like well can we do tomorrow the weather's going to
be better tomorrow so the next day I said oh you know yeah we could do that date and um we were
talking and he's like well if today's not good for you and I was like no today is the only day
I can really do this week um so then we did follow through and we met once and then the third time
he said that his basement flooded okay wait so how many times have you seen him once
once and he's canceled twice yes for weird weird excuses my basement flooded I can't find my keys
my my dog ate my homework no yeah I I he said he couldn't find his easy path
now how often is he talking to you via technology um multiple times a day
okay so I asked him I did specifically ask him like do you have your running shoes on
like kind of what's happening you know so I'm like maybe it's my perception but I feel like
you know you're you're kind of and what do you say he said um he wanted to clarify what
I meant by that and so he said well running meaning I'm busy yes um running away from you
absolutely not um and but here's the thing the thing is okay there's there's only two
pretty much two to three scenarios here okay the first scenario is that you know he just
is not doesn't have enough bandwidth for a relationship right he's he's got too much on
his plate he's trying to fit it all in he can't please everyone every day and you keep losing
yeah okay um so that's the first scenario and it very much could be that but it still doesn't it
still shows you that he doesn't have bandwidth for you he doesn't have time for you or a
relationship yeah and the fact that he's still texting you but also not seeing you tells me that
that's probably the one okay because if he wasn't interested at all he'd just be gone zone he'd just
be gone right right especially after seeing you in person all right and then the second scenario
is that he has something more complicated going on in his life that you just don't know about
and it can actually be both of these things you know um and you know and that more complicated
thing could actually be other women that's right so you know hey um he said there he did bring up
two things that were kind of in the way his his vehicle situation and he was off of work because
he hurt his ankle so he hasn't been working and didn't get paid for like a month and a half okay
so that could be it too he just can't afford to date you and he's one of those guys that believes
that you know the man definitely has to pay so that could be it that could just be it period is
that he just doesn't have the money to take you out and i had told him i said you know i'm not
expecting like anything crazy we can go out for ice cream or water go for a walk we could do
something free right yes i don't know do i like draw the line in the sand and say all right i'm
kind of done with this or where do i go from here i think that you know um if you're talking
to him several times a day and he's not wanting to get together in person that you just need to
say to him hey listen i'm looking for someone to date not someone to talk to you know and so
if you're in a dating season if you feel like you want to get to know me better then we need to get
to know each other in person you know tell him you're not trying to give him an ultimatum you
just let me to let him know that where i am in life right now i'm looking for someone to get to
know not someone just to be a pen pal with okay and let's see what happens because it sounds like
it might be like a hybrid of all three things yeah where he's got too much on his plate he's
overextended he's probably looking for a job if he lost his job he doesn't have income he can't
afford to date you he likes you but then he also as a man probably feels like he's a little bit of
a scrub so yeah is he is he cute he is yeah okay and is he nice he's very kind um he follows christ
like he's a really nice guy well guess what he probably as a man feels like he's not in the
right season for dating since all this other stuff is blown up in his life and so you need to let him
know you don't care about any of that you just want to get to know him and if he still refuses
to there's nothing you can do yeah okay because my husband was not in a good place financially
or vocationally when i
I met him, but he was still willing to get to know me.
And that is what this man has to be willing to do as well.
Okay, thank you so much.
You're welcome.
Tina.
I'm sorry, Tiffany.
What am I saying, Tina?
Tiffany.
Okay.
I was like, wait now.
You're like, wait, who's Tina?
Okay, go ahead.
So yeah, so I've been talking to a guy named Jeremy
for like nine months.
And I've been kind of starting to back up
because I feel like I'm feeling like
there's more nos in me than yeses,
but he's very serious about still pursuing me.
There's things I really like,
but I feel like he's so avoidant.
Like I haven't met anybody in his family.
Hey, we're gonna help you make a list right now, everyone.
We're all gonna help her.
Okay.
Pro's about nine months, y'all.
That's long enough to have a baby.
Okay.
And so let's help Tiffany.
Tiffany's been around these parts for a while.
She's been in our group for a minute.
And so we're gonna help her.
Okay, so pro's about Jeremy.
Someone be a scribe, write it down.
Write down the pros.
Okay, go.
Okay, he's very attentive.
He listens.
He's very gentle and kind-hearted and-
He's kind-hearted, he's gentle.
He's a good listener.
He's attentive.
Okay.
I would say he's like very,
he cares so much.
He's a very caring person.
He's a deeply caring person.
Okay, compassionate.
Yeah, deep thinker.
Deep thinker, musician.
All the things I wanted.
Works with wood.
But he is-
He works with wood, y'all.
Yeah.
He carves wood.
He carves wood?
Well, he doesn't look like he could,
but he's a cabinet maker.
Oh, he's a cabinet maker.
He's a musician.
Okay.
He's got a good relationship with his family.
Is that what you said?
Very good relationship with his family.
Except for his dad.
His dad's kind of an odd one,
but it's been healing over the course of time
that I've been talking to him.
Like a lot of things have healed for him and stuff.
So there's like a lot of reasons-
Did you say he's a Christ follower or not?
I didn't hear that.
He's a Christ follower,
but he's been a believer forever,
but there wasn't very much proof of it for me in my book.
But then I've been trying to be like more open
and be like, he's coming along, you know,
he's very interested in my faith.
So we're going to listen to cons now.
Okay. So, okay.
Oh, here's a pro still.
So since I met him, he started going to church.
The first time I took him to church,
I like searched like, you know,
like where should I take him, God?
And I took him to the one church
where his whole life fell apart.
And it was like, not a church I regularly go to,
but I thought, where's God good worship,
the Holy Spirit's there, you know, all of it.
And anyway, so he sat and cried in the service
for the entire time.
Anyway, so it was,
there's been some powerful things that have happened.
All his kids become Christians to him.
And they're like actively, they're pursuing God,
going to church, taking notes.
So he's got some unhealed trauma.
So we're going to put that in the con.
Very unhealed trauma.
Yeah.
So what else is a con?
Like he wanted to induce me to his family.
I met his best friend this weekend for the first time.
And only because I put up a big stink about it.
Okay, hold on, you guys.
I want you to see an incongruency.
Everyone ready?
She's been dating him for nine months.
He's close to his family, but she hasn't met them.
Does anyone find that a little bit sketchy?
He's close in some ways and in other ways, not.
Like he doesn't let them know him very much.
He had like a really damaging relationship with his dad.
And so he just kind of keeps everything on the outside,
but he loves his family deeply.
He would do anything for them,
but he kind of keeps them at a distance a little bit.
Have you met his children?
No.
Okay.
The only person that you've met in his life
is his best friend.
And that was just recently.
Who has he met of your people?
I have introduced him to quite a few people,
but not my family.
I haven't introduced him to my family yet.
Because I wasn't going to do that.
No, not until it went the other way.
Here's the thing.
Here's my biggest flag right now, Tiffany,
just beginning this conversation
is that you've been dating this guy for nine months
and you still don't feel secure enough in the relationship
to introduce him to your family.
Right, yeah.
So that's telling me that you have a check
in your own heart that something is missing
from this relationship.
Right, right.
Okay, what other cons do we got?
Well, he does live 40 minutes from me.
We both live at our parents' house.
No, it's not.
But it makes it hard to like hang out.
You know, he works 50 hours a week.
I don't know, kinda.
You know, I live I live in Austin, Texas, I live in a suburb and it takes me 40 minutes to go it takes me 40 minutes to an hour to go anywhere. So I'm just as a traffic so when you live place where there's traffic you're 40 minutes ain't nothing.
Right, right, right, I guess it's just because he works until kind of later and so then it leaves us just like a small window to hang out get to each other. Once, because he has his kids for the rest of this, you know, you know, 25% of time so how often do you see him Tiffany.
I see him one or two times a week, and he was coming every in my church, which is an hour away from him which I thought that was a generous, ask, like, is really not comfortable with it but he's worked through a lot of his anxiety.
And I tried to break up with him early on, and he's like, please like, he's like my, my whole family and everybody that I know would tell you that I am completely different persons met you.
So I'm like, I mean I want somebody to say that to me, but I'm like, that's so much pressure on you though. I'm a different person since I met you like my change is dependent on you Tiffany don't that don't doesn't that make you feel doesn't.
It's, it's meant to make you feel indentured doesn't make you feel that way.
Oh my gosh, if I leave, then he's going to do bad again.
Because sure this change is based on me. That's addict.
I'm not saying he's an addict, but that's the way addicts.
Right, right. Okay, is he is he a recovering addict.
I would say kind of like he spent a lot of his years doing drugs and stuff, but I wouldn't say he's like a practicing addict and I mean he's had like a drink at dinner but I've never seen anything that's really caused me to be uncomfortable.
So, so Tiffany I just want you to know this, you are not this man's muse.
And you are not the reason that he will do good or bad. He is the reason why he will do good or bad. Okay.
And so you're not beholden to that. I'm not saying you should break up with him I'm just saying, that can't be a reason why you stay. Okay, so what other cons do we have you had a whole list of pros, what are the cons.
Um, gosh, I guess I just, I guess here we go. I really just want to be known by my partner and he doesn't really ask me a whole lot of questions he does. He plays music for me a lot you know and I keep saying hey like, like okay so here's
a con on my birthday he was had so much anxiety about buying me a gift. So, because he felt he didn't know what I'd want. I'm like, all these months you don't know what I want.
So, so he almost got a big boot that day.
So, well but not really because I've been married to David for 17 years and I still don't think that he knows what I want.
So, his idea I guess. But, yeah, is it giving me something that I want or whatever so you know by me massage and stuff so, and can't go wrong there. What else, what else, what else is a con.
Um, geez, what else is con.
I just feel like he's like a little bit spiritually immature like I don't see the hunger I want to see it comes and it goes, but here's the thing he's not spiritually immature he's actually only going to church because of you.
Well no he goes, he takes his kids now on the opposite weekend, and now.
Yeah, now.
Sure, but he was, he wasn't doing that he started to do that to please you because you were going to break up with him he said give me a chance. And so he started changing to become more of what you want.
If you're not in the picture. I don't know how much of that change is sustainable.
Well his mom is his mom is Christian, him and his mom his dad mom go to church.
So, but maybe yeah. Yeah.
So, you obviously are uneasy about the relationship, it's not giving you the security that you want in your heart.
And so you can't move forward I'm not telling you to break up but I am saying that you need to make a decision, you need to ask, you know, you need to, you need to pray you need to, you know, find out hey what do I need.
What do I need in order to be able to either make this a yes or no.
Right right now, like in this limbo, like I feel like the vibe that you're giving off to me is that you know you've been on the cusp of breaking up with this guy, more than one time.
Nothing like I've talked to God about two and the first thing he said to me is I had wall.
I have what guys said they had walls. And then this weekend I had kind of breakthrough feeling like he was showing me that I really needed to work on trusting him and having patience, but I don't think I want to have patience for the things he's
telling me.
I don't know I love like, so, but I did talk to another one you have a history.
you have a history, even recent history in this community. Cause I know you have, you know,
of spending too much time waiting for men to become what they need to become.
And, you know, and kind of ignoring the reddish yellowish to reddish flags. And so let's make
sure that we're not doing that again. Right. Yeah. Well, that's a lot more pros than cons
though. So you just, you're going to have to, you're going to have to make it a yes or make
it a no. And I want to say something there. Cause this is the perfect, this is the perfect segue
for that. Guys, you guys know that I was talking to whiskey. How do we say her name?
Where'd she go? She disappeared. All right.
Westin. Okay. I was talking to a scene and you guys here's, this is important. So I was already
going to talk to you guys about this and this is a Tiffany situation. And I gave Westin this advice
too, is that we have to be willing to let things unfold to get to know people. Right. And there
doesn't have to be visceral attraction there. Now I know this is a Tiffany situation. It sounds like
she is attracted to this guy, but there doesn't have to be visceral attraction. So one of our
guys in this community, you know, he has gone out with women that he was viscerally attracted to,
but there was some other kind of disconnect where they didn't like him back like that or whatever
that it never really became a relationship. He's now in a relationship and he really is attracted
to the girl he's in a relationship, but it's not visceral attraction. Anybody else? It's like
you're attracted to the person, but you're not like, you're not like coming out of your skin.
You're not like, you know, he, his words were, you know, with these other people that I was trying to
get to know, he said by the time that I left at the end of the night, you know, like I was very
physically like drawn to them, like very physically sexually and more so.
Right. He said in this situation, he said, I feel like I have a lot more self-control. Like
I don't really feel that way. And there's two things that can happen there is that we can
actually grow up and, and, and get a little bit more self-control. Right. And then the second
thing that can happen is that our body is not driving the train. You guys remember we're spirits
that live in bodies that possess souls and we want spirit mates. We don't want flesh mates.
We don't want body mates and we don't want soulmates. We don't want soulmates now. Yes,
we do want some soul realm connection, which is humor and things in common and places that we've
been before in life. And, you know, just all different types of intellectual for all you
sapiosexuals, which means you love conversational chemistry. You love intellectual chemistry. We
want that, but that is not something you can build a marriage on. You have to have a spiritual
connection, but you can't just have a spiritual connection. You also have to have a soul connection,
right? But the spirit connection has to be the thing that comes first. The spirit has to drive
the bus and then the soul will be able to see clearly. This is important. If you follow after
the spirit, you don't fulfill the what? Come on someone. The flesh, the flesh. All right.
So we're going to follow the spirit in these connections, right? And when we get kind of the
green light spiritually where yes, I'm compatible with this person spiritually, we share the same
values. We're vibing on the same level here spiritually. Then you get to invite your soul
and your body to the party, but your body gets invited last. Your body doesn't get to call the
shots. It doesn't get to drive the train because when it does, what happens is, is things get real
cloudy. Things get real muddy. You don't know. You get real confused. Why? Because you got all
those pheromones happening and you're just like, I like this person. I don't have anything in common
with them. You know, they don't, I don't think that this is, this is my favorite thing. People
come to me like, Oh, I really like this person so much, but I just, I don't know if they love
Jesus or not. And then I'll look at the person's Facebook page and it's just like devil. And I'm
like, what do you mean? You don't know if they love Jesus or not. It's very obvious. They don't
love Jesus, but you're attracted to them in your body. And so you're ignoring, that's what will
happen. We'll ignore everything because, and you guys, this is why we don't have sex. This is why
you don't let your body drive the train. This is why God, I know you guys think that he's God's
just a buzzkill. For those of you that are religious, God's just a buzzkill. He's like,
no sex until marriage. This is why if you let your body lead, it will lead you off the cliff.
It will. Because as soon as you start smelling someone's sweat and their pheromones, chemical
reactions start happening in your body. You start attaching ladies. Did you know this? Biologically,
when a woman has sex with a man, you don't just soul tie connect. You connect like.
your body physically becomes kind of like addicted
to that person.
And the reason why is this, is that every single,
you have to understand your body is ancient, right?
It's an ancient design.
It's not a new design, it's an ancient design.
Meaning this, it's predispositioned to know
that when you have intercourse, you can conceive a baby.
And so you're attaching to the potential daddy
of that potential child.
Because every time you have intercourse,
your body is not saying, oh no, you use birth control,
there's no baby.
Oh no, use the condom, there's no baby.
Your body doesn't know that.
Your body is ancient, it's not modern.
It doesn't know that you're preventing pregnancy.
It doesn't, your mind knows it, but your body doesn't.
So your body's still gonna give off
the chemicals of attachment.
And this is why, after you have sex with someone,
it's very difficult to get over them.
This is how this happens.
It's not just your soul that's tied to them,
it's your body too.
Because you've now attached to the potential father
of your offspring, even though in the modern world,
you've prevented that somehow.
You guys, are you tracking on what I'm saying right now?
So this is why God knows how we're made,
because he made us.
And so this is why you guys,
we don't have sex outside of covenant,
because it clouds everything up.
It makes you confused.
It masks red flags.
It turns red flags green, right?
All of a sudden, the red flags that are waving,
you just think you're at the circus.
You're not at the circus, friends, right?
You're at the gates of hell.
And so here's the thing, stop doing this.
Stop doing this.
And another thing, everything leading up to intercourse
is still gonna give off those same hormones, right?
All that other stuff, don't do that.
Don't do it, because then you get confused
and you don't know.
You don't know if you're up or down, left or right.
Your spirit's like, leave, leave, leave.
And your body's like, stay, stay.
Who's gonna win?
That's the question.
All right, so please don't do that.
And while we're on this subject, I wanna say this too.
Y'all, I'm all for deliverance ministry, okay?
I believe that I am carrying a breaker anointing.
I believe that this community carries a breaker anointing,
but it is the son who sets you free
and makes you free indeed.
It is the finished work of the cross,
not some crazy added stuff
that you think that you have to do.
Go to the courts of heaven, jump through this hoop,
jump through that hoop.
Go over here, burn all the things that your former spouse,
anoint your whole house with holy oil.
Y'all, stop it, all right?
We're not gonna have,
if you wanna go be part of deliverance ministries,
go be part of deliverance ministries.
None of y'all is possessed with a demon, okay?
You're filled with the Holy Spirit, all right?
But all that superstitious, I call it Christian witchcraft,
we're not gonna bring that here, all right?
There's no spirit spouses.
You're not getting blocked in the spirit realm
by a spirit spouse.
That's the devil created to keep you
from being able to get married.
There's not some generational curse on you,
and that's why you can't get married.
Y'all, we live in a fallen world
that was cursed originally from the garden,
and some people haven't gotten the memo
that Jesus brought the ministry of re.
He brought the key to the chains, unlock them, go free.
So we have this big broken culture
where so many people still see the opposite sex
as sleeping with the enemy.
That's what we got going on here, all right?
It's not a mystery.
The Bible said at the end of the age,
the love of many would wax cold.
People are isolated, people are fearful,
people are paranoid of other people.
COVID didn't make it any better.
We're standing six feet apart.
We have masks on, don't look at me,
don't think, don't breathe my way.
Guys, things have gotten really weird,
but Jesus paid it all.
He covered it all, he saw it all.
He said, you're gonna have weirdness in this world,
trial, tribulation, all the things,
but be of good cheer because I've overcome the world.
So all you gotta do is start living in the light.
Live in the finished work of the cross.
You don't gotta go over here
and try to be looking for phantom demons in your life
that are trying to keep you from getting married.
Please stop doing that.
And if you don't wanna stop doing it, you have free will,
you can go do it, but you're not gonna do it here, all right?
Because we believe that Jesus paid it all
and it is finished, okay?
It's finished.
And that, you guys, that's the one announcement
I'm gonna make about that,
and I'm not gonna make another announcement about it, okay?
Meaning that if,
we're gonna make sure everyone sees this replay
and I'm saying it in love.
I love you, I want you to break free.
I don't want break free, I don't want you to go
and feel like you have to buy all these indulgences.
You guys, all that.
that is, is religion, okay?
It's just taken on a weird different form
called deliverance, but it's still religion.
It's taking just a couple of verses out of the Bible
and trying to create our entire theology for it.
No, okay?
The son has set you free.
Now, sometimes you don't feel free,
and this is the reason why, because it's a process.
He sets you free, but he even said himself,
if you continue in my words, you will know the truth
and it will make you free.
You'll be washed by the water of the word.
Key is the word, right?
And we're gonna continue to be sanctified and justified.
We're gonna continue to be purified.
We're gonna continue.
It's a continuous process, okay?
Now, there are some people that get themselves
mixed up in some ish,
and there is deliverance for those people,
but it's a kind of a one and done thing.
It's not a situation where you have to continue
to look forward and continue to look forward.
Guys, that's why the heart work
is just a phase of this program.
You're going to be shown by Holy Spirit
for the rest of your life,
things that you're believing that are not quite true,
and then you get to release that lie and receive the truth.
Renew your mind.
That's what the Bible says.
That's a renewing of your mind,
but we're not gonna stay,
we're not gonna forever stay in a place
where we're trying to figure out what's wrong with us.
There's nothing wrong with you.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made,
and now it's time to start going forward, amen?
All right, I'm sorry, my soapbox has ended.
All right, so we are way over, y'all,
so the people that are still on here that have,
I'm pretty sure that I got to everyone
that I asked to come tonight.
I know some of you have questions.
If you throw them up in the chat right now,
Marsha and Nora and Ghislaine,
I will answer them real quick
because I want to let people go.
We've been on for an hour and 40,
but that needed to be said.
I'm glad I didn't forget about that,
and as they're posting their questions,
relocation, y'all, a lot of you
are gonna be called to relocate something, okay?
Relocate communities, relocate zip codes,
area codes, geographic regions.
Please be open to relocation.
Be open to what God is calling a positioning.
Be open for positioning, okay?
You're like, here I am, Lord, send me.
Be open to it, even if it's just to a different job,
a different company, it doesn't matter.
Be open, be open, okay?
All right, let me look.
And I wasn't trying to be harsh.
For those of you, you know, look,
I used to believe a lot of stuff
that I don't believe anymore
because now I believe the true gospel.
It's simple, you guys, keep it simple.
It's simple, it's simple, please.
Okay.
I don't see any questions in here.
How does spiritually, being spiritually connected,
wait, wait, how does being spiritually connected mean?
For instance, the man I'm talking to
is very conservative spiritually,
and I'm charismatic, is that compatible?
It depends, it depends on how open-minded he is, right?
When you say conservative spiritually,
all I hear is religion.
So if he's religious and it's just like,
oh, this is the way it's done
and there's no other way to do it,
because you guys, God is always doing a new thing.
Not against his word and not outside of his word,
but his word is evolving, right?
Okay, God created quantum physics.
That's something that continues to evolve, right?
And we have to evolve with it.
You should not believe what you believe now
five years from now.
You should believe a greater version of it.
2.0, 3.0, 4.0, not outside of the word,
but in congruence with the living word.
The word's alive and living things grow.
And it's important that you understand that.
So you're gonna have to have some hard conversations
with him to find out where he is.
Also look for fruit.
You wanna make sure someone has Holy Spirit in their life.
Even if they don't express Holy Spirit
the same way as charismatics do,
like speaking in tongues, all that,
doesn't mean that they're not, you know,
doesn't mean they're not baptized in the Spirit.
And so look for fruit because that's how you're gonna see
if this man is being led by the Spirit.
The Spirit of truth, Holy Spirit's job
is to lead us into all truth.
And so hopefully people want to go
where Holy Spirit's leading.
Can you give practical tips on how to emotionally
pace yourself when getting to know someone?
I met a guy I'm excited about, but it's still early on,
and I would like guidance on how often to talk to him,
how long our conversation should be,
how to keep myself from playing out stories in my head.
All right, if you're an anxious attacher,
then make sure that you're not like,
love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me,
smother, smother, smother, smother, okay?
Don't do that.
And if you're an avoidant attacher,
you're just like, oh, I'm just gonna wait for them to come.
I don't know, I'm not sure if I like them,
but this morning I'm feeling a little bit of ick,
I'm not really sure.
Then you're gonna have to kind of force yourself
to communicate, to have intentional interest.
You are interested, but you got that wall going on, right?
The secure attachers don't have any problem.
They just be themselves.
They don't worry about if it's too much or too little.
They just be themselves.
The number one thing that I want you to do, Nora, is have fun.
Kind of go with your own flow.
Match his energy.
Kind of match where he is.
Match his conversational energy.
If you feel like you're sending him paragraphs and he's sending you three-word answers, pull back.
Not to play games, but to understand that this person doesn't have the bandwidth to take all of that communication in.
So kind of match his energy at the beginning and let's see where we go.
I did have a question, but didn't want to get in the hot seat.
My question out of curiosity is, do two avoidants have a chance?
Two avoidants can definitely have a relationship, but they probably wouldn't call it a relationship.
No one wants to admit they're in a relationship when they're avoided.
They would probably keep it in the undefined state for a long time.
And so is it possible?
Yes.
Is it probable?
Not usually.
What exactly are you talking about?
I guess I got lost.
Okay.
I've been dating a guy for close to three months, but I've been having cold feet about moving to level two.
Okay.
If you're not at level two, then you're not dating him.
Level one is just community.
Maybe you're meeting level three.
He asked me to be his girlfriend.
Okay.
Level three is exclusivity.
He asked me to be his girlfriend, but I'm so worried I might miss out on someone better.
Okay.
I love it that you asked this and I'm going to answer it.
You guys, listen, you're going to hate this, but I was just talking about God, just talking to God about this yesterday.
There's always someone better.
And so do you know how you make this person the right choice when there's always someone better?
That as you guys choose each other, you start to become better and better and better and better and better.
That's how it works.
The best versions of yourself start coming out and sometimes the worst versions because it's a refining process, right?
On paper, there's always going to be someone better.
On the swipe, there's always going to be someone who appears to be better.
And the thing is, is that there's always going to be someone who's more handsome or more beautiful or more in shape or more financially secure or more in love with Jesus or whatever.
You just have to make a decision to choose someone good, bad, and ugly.
To choose them with what they have going on for them and what they don't have going on for them, knowing that both of you, when you come together, one can't, but two can.
If you didn't watch Supernatural Saturday, go watch it.
And you come together and things begin to unseal and unlock in both of you and you begin to super bloom together.
So yes, there is always going to be someone better, but you're going to have to give someone a chance.
You're going to have to continue to let it be a yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Right?
You guys have been married for 17 years, and I know that you think that I already gave my final yes at the altar when I said I do.
That's not true.
Every morning when I get up, I say yes again to my marriage.
I say yes again to David.
We've been through a lot of stuff together.
We've weathered a lot of storms together.
We continue to say yes.
That's what it's like.
So if someone made you think that it was different than that, then they lied, because that's what it's like.
Okay?
That's what marriage is.
It's just like your relationship with Jesus.
You've got to get up every day and say yes to it again, don't you?
Some of you ain't said yes to it for a while, and that's why it's all stale.
So let's say yes to it, and let's get moving forward.
All right.
I appreciate you guys.
Sorry we went so long tonight, but we had a good time.
We covered so many things, and remember, even when I say things that are a little cray-cray,
it's because I love you, and sometimes I get really adamant because we've got to stop with the nonsense.
Can't get distracted.
We've got to stay focused.
All right?
All right.
Have an amazing week until Supernatural Saturday.
I will see you soon.
Bye.