Hey ladies! Hey, hey, hey! I'm here to do an Ask Jackie segment and I'm gonna have to
hold the phone really far away from me. Number one, I'm in the car but I'm not
driving and number two, I can't see up close with my glasses on. And it's really
fitting that I'm on my way to Barnes & Noble to get a book about menopause.
Haha! So, menopause problems? Yes. And of course David's here and he wants to say
hi. All right, so he gets to hear all of this great advice to all you ladies.
All right. Okay. And once again, these are anonymous. You know who you are if you
put the question in but I'm not going to necessarily call out your name and that
way nobody knows except for you. In case that's the way you want it. If that's not
the way you want it, then just say when you put in your Ask Jackie question,
Jackie, call my name out. Say my name! Say my name! Right? I will. I promise. Just let
me know. What does it mean when a guy ends things and says, you deserve someone
so much better than me? Don't we love that? I feel like this is just a kind way
for them to soften the blow. And you're right. You're not wrong. You're not wrong.
And you know what? They might be softening the blow because they want to
be the nice guy. They want to stay in your memory as the good guy, right? In case
they ever want to circle back around and give it another shot. Because really what
they're saying is that, I want to see what else is out there. You know, you seem
really great but I have the delusion and the illusion that there's many options
out there and I still want to see. But I want to make it sound like you're the
reason why we're breaking up, not me. You're the reason why we're not going to
talk anymore, not me. Let me show you what that looks like. He's saying to you, you
deserve someone better than me, as if you have somehow insinuated that he's
not good enough. That you have somehow expressed your discontent or your
dislike or, you know, dissatisfaction with him. So he's putting the ball in
your court instead of owning it himself and saying, hey, you deserve someone
different than me because I'm not that attracted to you yet. And I'm not going
to give myself a chance to get attracted to you because I really want to see what
else is out there. Because I have some avoidant attachment, right? That's what
he's saying here. But he wants to keep the door cracked enough so that if he
does circle back around because he can't find anything better, then he can, once
again, you know, make it about you. Like, oh, well, I wasn't good enough for you this
time before but did you ever say that? No, you didn't say that. He said that. But
this time, you know, I'm going to give it another shot. And so, yes, you're
absolutely right. That is a complete cop-out. And I think that, really, when
people say this, you've dodged a bullet. Because, really, what they're telling us
is that they're not ready for a relationship. They're not ready for a
serious relationship, right? And so, it's really important that we just go ahead
and move on. Hi, Jack. I love that. You call me Jack. Jack is my nickname. It's not.
But now it is. Right now. I just want to express my gratitude for this program.
Thank you so much. Listen, I am so appreciative of other people's
appreciation because you have no idea how thankless this can be. I know it
seems like everyone is so satisfied and we have so many success stories, which is
true. And we do have a lot of success stories. But even people that have
success, they don't circle around and say, thank you. I kind of feel like Jesus with
all those lepers. Only one leper came back to say thank you. Everyone else was
running off with their new noses and their reconstructed fingers, off to
live happy lives in Israel. But that one, that one leper, he circled back around
and said, thank you. And, yes, I do appreciate that. Guys, I'm in a weird mood.
I'm just joining you. I'm just going to warn you. As you can see, I'm on
a whole other level right now. And I don't know why. I had no coffee. I don't
drink coffee. I don't know. Maybe it's a full moon tonight. I'm not sure. My
husband's like, don't let her lie to you. She's always this way. I'm not. All right.
Thank you for thanking me for the program. That makes me feel warm and
fuzzy in my heart. It's been incredibly helpful and has made it easier for me to
have faith in finding my soulmate. I truly appreciate, sorry y'all, can't read,
gotta read far away, everything you do regarding question number one. I've been
dating this guy exclusively for about four weeks and I've met his children, but
he hasn't met mine yet, which is good. Four weeks is pretty quick to meet the
kids. You know, you met his kids and maybe you're gonna tell me later in this
question why you met his kids so early. Maybe you go to the same church or you were at
It's just happened to me there.
But you guys, I think four weeks is way too early
to meet the kids, I really do.
And why do I think this?
Well, first of all, I'm a dating coach
and I'm a matchmaker.
And I'm part of lots and lots and lots of love stories.
So just by sheer volume of stories I've been involved with,
I'm gonna tell you it's not a good idea.
And secondly, my mom was married three times
before I was 10 years old
and had other boyfriends as well.
I met all of those people way too early
and being a fatherless daughter at the time,
at least I thought I was fatherless
because I didn't know God yet,
I got really attached to those male figures
and then they were gone.
And so you don't want that,
especially if your kids are hurting,
especially if your kids are really wanting to attach
to someone, don't do this, it's too early.
Do not introduce them until you know
that this person is safe
and that there actually is potential
for this to go all the way.
All right, I've been dating guys exclusively,
I've met his kids, he hasn't met mine.
I've mentioned that I was going on a tour
of my daughter's new school
and since he's very into education,
I asked if he was free to come along and provide input.
No, no, no.
I spoke to him that morning on my way to the school
but he never confirmed whether he would come.
Later that day, he acted surprised
and claimed he forgot about it
even though we had discussed it earlier.
Now on to the second question.
I'm currently in California for my graduation.
Guys, these are old questions and I apologize
but some of these slip through the cracks.
I just did one from Cartagena last week
and asked Jackie and somehow these didn't get answered
and I don't know why.
And when I told him about it,
he expressed interest in coming to support me
since he doesn't have his kids this week.
In fact, I think I did answer this.
So you told him about your graduation,
he said he wanted to come
but then he wanted you to book the flight.
Yes, I remember this question now.
He wanted you to book the flight.
He kept asking you if you booked the flight.
You guys, you're not gonna pay for something,
especially a plane ticket.
If someone wants to go somewhere,
let them book it themselves.
If they say they wanna come,
then let them make their own travel plans.
Don't make the travel plans for them.
They're a big boy, they can make it themselves.
And so, surprise, he didn't book the ticket,
kept asking her to until the very last moment
and then he also didn't come.
So what was he looking for?
He was looking for a free vacation.
And you didn't give it to him and I'm proud of you.
And hopefully you're not talking to this guy anymore
because unless he ended up shaping up
and this was just a one-off
and it wasn't his actual personality.
So please give us an update on that
because I have no idea what happened after that.
Y'all, please don't introduce your kids.
Definitely don't invite people
to come to your kids' schools.
People that you hardly know.
You've only been knowing for four weeks.
Let's not do that.
How can we respond when someone pushes back on us
when we're believing for a husband?
What can we respond when people say things like,
Paul said singleness was better than marriage.
God doesn't promise everyone marriage.
Not everyone will get married.
Just focus on the Lord and just be content.
Don't you love it when married people
specifically give you this advice?
Oh, not everyone's gonna get married.
You shouldn't wanna be married.
You know, God doesn't promises everyone a marriage.
The Bible says God doesn't promise you tomorrow.
But there's no one claiming that promise.
Not one person.
Not one person, right?
The Bible literally says,
first of all, God doesn't say in the word,
I didn't promise you marriage.
In fact, he said that he sent Jesus
to come and reconcile us back to our original design,
which includes marriage.
In the original design, in the original plan,
male and female, put together, better together.
You guys, I just wanna talk to you guys
about Paul for a second.
If it's been a long time since you took my challenge,
you might not have heard this teaching for a while,
and so I'm just gonna go ahead and lay it on you right now.
Paul was talking to a specific group of people
that had a specific problem in Corinthians
when he talked about singleness, all right?
When he talked about his state of not being married,
okay, he doesn't obviously use the word singleness.
When he was talking about his state of being unmarried,
he was talking to people that were fussing and fighting,
that, number one, were married,
and why were they fussing and fighting, you might ask?
Well, I'm glad you asked.
It's because they were all new converts.
They were all following Christ now,
but not as couples, as individuals,
and so those new people that had decided to receive Christ,
receive the good news from Paul as the missionary,
as the evangelist, as the apostle, right,
as the church planner, they decided
that they were not gonna have sex with their spouses anymore,
and so Paul had to come and, you know,
sort all of this drama out.
This was drama, and he was saying,
because of the drama, I'm glad that I don't have this drama.
And I wish that you didn't have this drama either, because it would be so much easier on you if you didn't have this drama.
But I have the charisma or the gift, okay, the empowerment from heaven to remain as I am, unmarried.
But because you don't have the same gift as I do, because everyone has their own gift, I wish you had the same gift as me,
because I think your life would be better, because you wouldn't have to be domestically entangled, right,
with all this drama and all this sex talk and all this stuff.
But because you don't have it and you have your own gift, then you should do the right thing, right?
Yes, that's what he said.
Then he said, and all you people that are not married, especially you widows,
it's probably better for you to remain like me so you don't have to deal with what these married people are dealing with.
But only if you don't burn with lust.
What is that?
If you don't burn with a sex drive.
If your body is not driving you to partner and you can remain pure in the sense of not fornicating, then great.
But if you can't, then you should go get married.
And, you know, our sex drive is part of what drives us, you know,
and it's not just our sex drive like you want to get it on, intercourse sex drive.
It is also that romantic inclination in you that's part of that sex drive of wanting to partner,
of longing to be held romantically and protected and have someone with their arms around you and, you know, nurture.
You know, that's all part of that, too.
And so if you have that, then you need to satisfy that in the right way that God has created us to satisfy it,
and that is by marriage.
And so when people ask you or when people say to you, why are you believing for a husband or didn't Paul say,
you can say, actually, that's not what Paul said.
Actually, Paul said, I wish that all of you had the charisma, the empowerment from heaven to stay single,
but because you don't, you should go get married.
Don't just read the Bible, friend.
Read the Bible.
And I dare you, I double dog dare you to say that to them.
Don't just read the Bible, friend.
Read the Bible.
I can't tell you how sick I am of hearing people twist scripture to, I don't know, to keep people imprisoned.
I'm not sure.
But it's like, look, if singleness is so great, then why aren't you single, friend, whoever that person is?
Because I feel like lots of married people are the ones that say this.
And maybe they're unhappily married and they envy the fact that you're not married and that you're free
and you don't have to live with their husband or their wife.
And so that's probably part of it, too.
All right.
And we all know that Paul had a different maturity plan because marriage and family is God's maturity plan for mankind.
And Paul had a different maturity plan.
It's called shipwrecks and snakebites and imprisonments and some mystery thorn in the flesh.
There's a lot of stuff going on in Paul's life to keep him humble.
We just get humbled in marriage.
That's a good thing for us.
All right.
I got to know this guy from an app.
Seems to be a good guy, but it's long-distance relationship.
I live in Dallas and he's in Missouri.
Missouri, Dallas, not that long of a distance.
I mean, it's long distance, but it's not that bad.
We did meet in person once, though I liked talking to him.
I was not attracted to him.
I told myself, let me do another in-person meet and then decide.
We continued to Skype chat or talk, but the fact that I'm not attracted keeps bothering me.
What will be your advice for me?
Well, you don't have to be.
Here's where long distance kind of gets hard, right?
You don't have to be attracted to any person the very first time you hang out with them.
Okay.
Now, there's a difference between not being attracted and being repulsed by someone.
There's a difference between not really feeling any spark or any chemistry and just being so grossed out,
like the massive ick, like ugh, right?
Like that person's breath was so bad and they have such bad hygiene and I'm just so disgusted right now that I,
you know, going to go and throw up in my mouth.
There's a difference between those two things.
Or they were so crude and so crass and so rude and you just weren't.
But if all you're saying to me is that, hey, we got together and it was a nice time and he's a really good guy,
but I didn't want to, like, crawl over the table and make out with him, then we're okay.
The problem with long distance is that when you're local, if you're not feeling fireworks on the first date,
then you have a second date and a third date and a fourth date because it's easy, right?
It's low-hanging fruit.
But if it's long distance, you have to put so much more investment.
So I would need more information.
Why weren't you attracted to him?
Was he a good guy?
Does he have potential?
Do you have anything in common?
You know, was there any, you know, laughs and fun on the date?
feeling the physical attraction or was it something deeper than that? I got to
have more information in order to give you good advice on that. Usually I like
people to, you know, long-distance once again it's hard. Usually if they do
tick some of your boxes and you do have some compatibility, people can grow on
you. You can start feeling chemistry especially if you've been in abusive
relationships or no relationship at all. It might take your heart longer to warm
up. So this might be a you thing and not a him thing and so it's difficult for me
to give you advice without more information. So if you could write in
into your group and just say hey Jackie wanted more information and here it is
then I can give you some more specialized customized advice. Darling
the book is on hold under Jackie Dorman and my phone number and it's called the
menopause reset. This ought to be fun. You gonna go get it for me? That's a good
husband. Here's the good news you don't have to pick up any
tampons or pads for me anymore because I'm in the menopause. I'm in the pause. So
now you only have to get books that are embarrassing for me not other things. I'm
good. You good? I'm strong. You're a strong man. Okay he's gonna go do that. So I can
continue to talk to y'all. All right Jackie the guy that I like finally got
his visa approved to be able to come to the States legally from Canada. He was
unable to due to visa issues the entire time we had gotten to know each other
over zoom and phone. He wasn't able to come with a visitor's visa as it would
risk the whole process to come for longer. It's true it's really difficult
with Canada. Guys I just want you to know that we have lots of Canadian American
love stories in our communities and my matches for whatever reason and it's
it's been very difficult with the whole visa and immigration stuff. In fact I
think that out of all the countries that we have matches with Canada is the worst
and I don't know why. Why is Canada so big for its bridges? I don't know but
that's true. So what you're saying is really true right here. Prior to joining
this community we got really close and had all the marathon phone dates and
recommended not to have without connecting in person. Prior to him
joining the community or both of you I'm not sure. The goal was to finally get
together to connect in person in Florida when his visa was approved. After
getting his visa denied for five months we decided not to talk anymore
indefinitely as it was hard on the heart and so many unknowns. I just want to let
you know who's who's this question from? Lauren. I said I wouldn't say your name
but now I'm going to. This is the exact same story as one of our engaged couples
that's getting married right now. I actually helped matchmake them. They went
through the same thing as this except they went through it for a little bit
longer than y'all and they it ended up working out. All right so I just want to
put that out there. All right so five months went by without
talking. During the process I surrendered completely and decided to move back home
to Arizona from Florida to be with family as that's what my heart needed. Two
weeks after moving I get a text from him saying his visa was approved. He's in
Florida and if I'd like to connect over dinner I missed the guy. I had been
hoping for two weeks. I had been hoping for by two weeks. I honestly didn't think
we'd ever talk again. I let him know that I'd be back and forth for different
events and if he'd like to connect in person over Memorial Day which is a
three-day weekend we could do that. All right let's see. Should I seek to get
Clary? Does it sound not interested now? What did he say? He said he didn't know
if he'd still be in town as he'll be back and forth as well from Canada to
Florida. What I'd like to really know is that being in another location is a
deal-breaker at this point or if we should just meet up in person and see.
He's 35. We both don't have kids and we both work remotely. Look I just told you
we have almost the exact same scenario in one of our success stories. They
couldn't connect, couldn't connect, couldn't connect, couldn't connect and
then finally connected. You know you made that decision to break it off so did
they. They didn't talk for I think over nine months and then he had a dream
about her. He shared the dream with me. I interpreted the dream and then I
contacted her because I really felt very strongly that the interpretation of the
dream was that they were meant to be together. That God was showing him that
this was his spirit mate and I don't always do that you guys. I took a chance.
I let her know. She immediately responded to it. She reached out to him very
quickly after that. God opened the gates of Canada and let him come because he
had never been able to come. They met in person and after years of trying to get
together they got together. They got engaged months later. She went there. He
went here. She went there and now they're getting married. Now they are getting
married. So I think that you owe it to yourself to see what's there. If you if
you still want to and he still wants to I think you should.
with a guy who was short, long distance, that didn't go well at all? Well, I suspect part of it was the video aspect. It was bad enough that I
don't want to do another video call. That's how bad it was, okay? I would be willing to meet him in person, but that doesn't erase the distance
while in level two. What's a good way to navigate it's a yes until it's a no in distance situations if the video calls don't go well? I would have
to know why it didn't go well. Was it awkward? Was he just not talkative? Was there a lot of dead air where no one was saying anything
because both of you were kind of introverted and it was uncomfortable? I would need to know more. Or was it like they were distracted and it
ended really abruptly and you didn't feel like they were that into it or really wanted to even be talking to you? I need more information.
You know, if you guys don't live that far apart, yeah, unless he was rude and crude and that's why it didn't go well, I would meet him in person.
If you said you thought it was the video aspect, well, you just think that it's not translating well over video. Guys, some people are not good at
stuff like that. They get, you know, they get really nervous. Once again, I need more information on that. All right.
How we doing? How we doing, ladies? Okay. Hi, I'm in a phase two and most everything is amazing. I'm blown away by this man in so many ways.
There is one area that I'm struggling with. He's 54 and financially not at a place I would prefer for him to be in life. He seems to be all over the
place regarding his career. He's miserable at his corporate job. He's a partial owner in a company and he's an entrepreneur, so the ideas are never
ending. He says he is thinking about doing something or is going to do something and then he doesn't. It's always related to work or his life. It's
becoming exhausting to the point that I'm not enjoying chatting with him. I was just laid off and have two months of severance, so listening to him is
wearing on me now more than ever. I'm in a new situation. I'm struggling with that desire for stability. Other than that, he loves Jesus. We spent time
and the word together. He's passionate for the fatherless, is patient and gentle with my kids, and is overall mentally healthy. I've been healing a lot in the
level of communication, ability to voice my feelings and be heard. I'm just feeling stuck and not sure how to address it more than I already have. I've been
blunt with the fact that he needs to seek the Lord and wait on Him instead of going with every ebb and flow. On a recent love seat, Jackie said, men
like to date women they feel are out of their league and women want men with more stability. Yeah, I mean, you'll very rarely see a man that is dating a
woman that would be objectively considered less attractive than him. And you'll very rarely see a woman who wants to marry a man that has less money
than her, or less stability, or less ability to provide. Okay? We live in a modern age, and so there are exceptions to that, but that's what I've seen and
found to be true. Okay? Women, while we're not marrying for money, we do want the man that we marry to be a leader. We want him to be respectable. We want
him to be someone who can provide well and is stable. We want security. We want that. Even if we have good jobs and we make good incomes. And then men, they
want a woman that they're proud to be seen with. They want a woman who's attractive to them. Attractiveness is relative. Attractive to them, someone that, you
know, that they can be really proud of and someone that other people admire, and not just for her looks. Attractiveness doesn't just have to do with looks.
It has to do with her demeanor, her attitude, her personality, all the things. And so that's what this woman is referring to in her question here. Okay?
This actually helped me realize my issue in the relationship and why I haven't said I love you back. Ooh, he said I love you, but you haven't said I love you
back, huh? How long have y'all known each other? You're in phase three. I think what you're saying is that you are in, you said phase three, and that's a part of our
community, phase one, two, and three. But I think what you mean is you're in a level three relationship with this 54-year-old guy. All right, so let's talk about
this. By the time we're in our mid-50s, you know, I'm about to be 50 in like seven months, we hope people are old enough to know better. We hope that they've
sown most of their wild oats and they've kind of figured this life thing out to a certain extent, right? We don't want to marry people at that decade of life
that are still trying to figure out what they want to be when they grow up. That being said, I think that when we're kingdom people, we're always, you know,
changing, right? And you said that this man's an entrepreneur, and I'm just going to tell you because I was a born entrepreneur. I'm an entrepreneur as well.
Visionary people we're very creative people and we need to be married to people that are stable and people that are going to
Help us to build the beautiful ideas that God has put in our heart
And so that might be what this man is missing
He might be missing you his helpmate because if everything else is lining up and this is all that you're worried about
I will tell you that David and I call ourselves the kite and the string. I'm the kite
I was created to soar high. I'm very creative. I'm very visionary
I also have a really great business mind, but I have a thousand good ideas before breakfast
Okay
and so in order for me to
Go through those ideas and figure out which ones are good ideas and which one are God's ideas because I can build all of them
I'm a builder my husband. That's where his personality set comes in. That's where his skill set comes in
That's where we're complementary opposites, so I'm the kite and guess what he is he's the string
He keeps me from floating off into never never land
He keeps me focused, you know
The string on a kite can guide the kite in the direction that it needs to go
There's a lot of things that happen there. And so we want to be an effective team together with the people that we marry
All right
So it sounds like you guys have some complementary opposite things
It also sounds like because of your layoff and because of your financial turmoil in your life that you might just be a little scared
To get with someone who seems less stable. They haven't been at the same job for 30 years with a big fat 401k
All right, I get it and you're gonna have to decide ultimately what's more important to you
Right that or someone who you can actually partner with and build something amazing with
Using both of your skill sets that has the gentleness and the patience and the love for Jesus and you
So that's where that's what I want to say to you right there, okay. All right
All right
Question, how do y'all handle respond to a man saying God told me that you're my wife
The last one which I just ended said this and I responded with well that makes you number seven
He said that he said that too so
He said that too so get in line I want to respond well he hasn't told me that also why is this even a thing
It shouldn't be a thing
Especially if you barely know the person if you know
You barely know this guy and he's already saying you guys I've had listen. I officiate weddings for our community
I do I can't officiate all of them
So don't get your panties in a wad if you invite me to officiate your wedding and I can't for some reason
I try my best if I'm asked because I consider that an honor and I am ordained to officiate weddings
but I
Do ask this question to the people whose weddings I officiate and that is to the man I say when did you know?
When did you know that she was the one and I'm gonna tell you most men know really quick
They did most men knew pretty quickly including my husband about me
But they were spiritually mature enough not to tell the woman that they knew
That's the kicker. That's the key
So what you're dealing with real right here is you're dealing with a man that isn't spiritually mature
He doesn't realize especially if he doesn't know you really well
He doesn't realize that that's not something that he should be saying and so what it comes across as is spiritually manipulative
Doesn't it doesn't that it's not what it feels like this person is trying to bring God in on this and trying to say
That God told them something about my life that I'm gonna marry them
But God hasn't told me that and that doesn't feel good. Does it and so this to me is a yellow possibly even red flag
All right
Someone who's anxiously attaching someone who's trying to you know
Get you to go to this high level of intimacy and emotional connection with them
Possibly even physical connection because you know, you are their wife. So, you know, hey
Hey
Right, but at the same time they're showing very especially if they're older
This is not some teenager or someone in their early 20s. They're showing you that they're not that spiritually mature and that's a problem
That's the biggest problem there
All right
And so yeah, it's fine for you to say back to them if you want a practical answer
Yeah, well God hasn't told me that and if it was true God would have told me to
All right, so, you know and if you still want to get to know them
You know for whatever reason they have enough green flags that you're not going to be deterred by that one
You know orange ish red flag then
Ask them not to bring that up anymore. Say hey, you know
I'm not saying that you don't hear from God, but we're just getting to know each other
And I'm gonna ask you to kind of keep that to yourself
Alright. Yeah, Dawn, that's good. So Dawn is saying, or the opposite is hurtful to you.
God told me you are not the one. You're not the wife for me. You're not the one for me.
And you guys, a lot of Christians are saying this right now, and they're really honestly believing that God is telling them that
because of religion and because of their avoidant attachment that religion is causing, because they think that it's supposed to feel a
certain way if it's the right person, or God's supposed to speak to them in a certain way if it's the right person, and they just
have really bad information on this subject, which is what I'm out here trying to do is re-educate people on what it feels like
for it to be a God connection, right? And I will tell you, honestly, women are way worse at that than men are, Dawn.
I've had way more women be like, oh, you know, God told me no, than men. But yes, it does happen, and that is why we do what we do
to try to help people to understand, you know, that first of all, God's not controlling. This is not a dictatorship, okay?
It's a kingdom, and you have a king, and he's not bossing you around and telling you what to do.
He's leading you and guiding you by wisdom in the right way for you to go, but a lot of people only know religion.
They don't know God. All right. Hi, Jackie. I met a widow on Upword that I have really enjoyed chatting with for a week now.
We exchanged numbers, and now we're texting off of the app as of today. This was the 10th of May, so I don't know what's happened since then.
Now that I have his number and his name, I did a quick search for his profile on Facebook and found him. Yay for a real person.
I'm curious if you feel that the year after a spouse passes enough time if you're 60 plus.
Also, I see a link on his Facebook page to his wife's memorial service. I haven't watched it because it feels premature.
I am choosing to not watch it because I want to be honoring to him, and who knows?
Maybe that would be something we would share together down the road.
Just thought this might be something good to address for us older ladies who may run into this type of situation and would love to know your thoughts.
Thanks, Jackie. Well, it's been my experience that people that lose their spouse that were happily married really do want to get married pretty quickly.
They like being married. They enjoyed being married.
And while I don't believe that that is in any way dishonoring the person who's passed away, it's, in my opinion, honoring.
And then, of course, there are people that were in a dead-end marriage for years and years and years, and the person just happened to pass away.
They didn't get divorced, but the person passed away instead.
And they're also wanting to get on with their life and meet someone.
Now, does this mean if his wife only passed away a year ago, depending on how long she was sick or how she passed away,
does that mean you're not going to have to deal with some grief with him if you become his person?
No, you will have to, and that's okay.
Because if God has chosen you to be the person that is going to walk through that grief with him, this goes for divorced people, too.
We can never say how long is a long enough time for each and every person because everybody's different.
And the only way that we're going to know that is if we get to know the person and we see kind of where they are emotionally, mentally, spiritually.
even physically, financially.
And so, we won't know that unless we get to know them.
And so, I think it's worth getting to know them.
Just because, you know, they haven't been divorced or widowed for a long period of time doesn't mean that they can't be a prospect.
So, let's look for the other signs instead of trying to make a yes or no on just one little metric, which is how long they've been widowed.
Let's look for all the other signs that they're ready to move on or at least ready to try to move on before we judge that.
Does that sound good?
So, give us feedback because we want to know.
In the relationship expectations part one, you talked about creating a parenting and financial plan near the end of level three.
So, before you get engaged.
Right.
I was wondering what types of questions you should ask to develop these plans.
How should we go about creating a plan?
Okay.
So, these are really good questions, and I think maybe we should have a whole session on this.
For people who are in level three, why don't we have a bonus session for people that are in level three relationships,
headed towards level four, on what you need to do.
Either that or you guys can take Symbus because we go over all of that in Symbus.
In fact, I have a Symbus class that just started last week.
Actually, that's not true.
It just started this week.
Well, it is Saturday.
So, yeah, last week.
So, that's good, too.
But I think we can have an extra bonus session as well.
So, Amanda, let's go ahead and try to do that.
All right.
Before my first date with Ben, I talked to Jesus.
I told Jesus that I was giving him my heart and that I wanted him to be in charge of it because he knew what was best for me.
How Ben and I met was a miracle.
How it's going is a miracle.
I'm pretty sure that this couple is actually married.
in my class right now. So they're taking a premarital course together. They actually knew each other from middle school.
I don't remember how they circled back around and met each other again. I think it was through a friend, but I think that's fun.
They went to middle school together and now they're a couple that's premarital in my group.
And so I don't think that it's necessary really to answer that question because we already know how that turned out.
All right. So let's go. Jackie, I wanted to express my gratitude for all your support. More gratitude. Thank you so much.
Since joining L.Y.S. in February, my life has been flourishing on all fronts. This is what I like to hear, y'all.
This is what I want to hear. I'm 58, never married and hadn't dated for seven years until joining L.Y.S.
I met P.J., 62 divorced. He's been divorced for six years. End of April. I met him at the end of April.
Despite initially overlooking him on the app, our three dates have been amazing.
He's kind, supportive, established, shares my values. He's marriage minded. He identifies himself as a Christian,
though his involvement with Christianity is limited to going to Sunday school with his mom and having his dad as a Catholic.
Now, when you say going to Sunday school with his mom, do you mean like when he was a little boy or like now?
Because some people call like the service before service, like in certain denominations, Sunday school. So I'm not sure.
He does have the fruits of the Spirit and blessings over his life. He's clearly interested in me and I feel compatible with him.
I'm considering the next steps and wonder how to approach his faith. Should I inquire respectfully about his beliefs and what could be some diplomatic ways to do so?
If he is a pre-Christian, should I stop dating him and let go?
Well, you're saying that he has fruit of the Spirit. So that's important. We want to look for fruit.
And it sounds like he is definitely open and been raised in Christian faith, raised going to church.
As far as church attendance goes, you guys, church attendance is not a deal breaker for me.
I do want to see people that want to grow and be mentored in Christian community, regardless of what that is.
And so if you're going to marry him, he's going to have to be willing to grow in Christian community with you.
Is he willing to grow in Christian community with you? I will tell you a lot of times, and women aren't going to like to hear this, but I'm going to say it anyway.
A lot of times, especially for this older group of men, maybe not the younger group of men, but for the older group of men, so let's just say 45 and up.
They come from a generation that maybe didn't go to church, except when they were children growing up in church.
And it was always family that was instigating them to go to church, or their mother that was instigating them to go to church.
And while they may have learned some things there, men are not very communal. They're not.
Men are not group people. They don't like groups.
Unless you get an extremely extroverted man, you're not going to find a man who likes to just go and hang out with people all the time.
And so it usually is the woman that initiates in the family social time, including spiritual community.
And so as long as they're not reluctant to spiritual community, as long as they are willing to go with you to spiritual community, I'm the person in our family.
My husband's not opposed to church, but I'm the person in our family that instigates that kind of stuff.
Because in most families, that's the way it works.
And so you're going to have to see other things besides just church attendance to see where this man is at.
Okay, and please keep us posted on that.
All right.
Hey Jackie, I went on a first date with a single dad, and I'm open to another conversation or date,
but wanted your help weighing out the green flags from the yellow, potentially red ones.
The good. We had a great time mini-golfing, which was a fun first date.
He was very chivalrous, insisting on paying and escorting me to my car.
He expressed a desire to date God's way, not his way, and expressed eagerness when I told him about you in 1822.
He's actively involved in his church and is interested in personal growth.
He sent a thoughtful follow-up text, which made me feel really good.
He initially dumped a lot of stuff on me during our first phone call and was very receptive to feedback.
When I told him, that made me uncomfortable.
Okay, so this is this guy.
All right, so that's good.
You see, he misstepped at the beginning when she was first getting to know him,
but he was willing after some constructive feedback to shift, to shift gears.
And then they had a great date, and he did everything else right.
So that's really good.
He's very cute.
Okay, so those are all the pros.
So here are the cons.
Here are the questionable things.
I found out that he's not legally divorced yet.
Although they're not living together, they are co-parenting,
which, of course, they're going to co-parent, right, because they're getting divorced.
divorcing their children. They're divorcing each other. So, they're not living, but they
are co-parenting. She lives far away. That sounds like it would be finalized soon. He
might have a drinking problem. He drank several beers throughout the day, including before
we started mini-golfing. And he told me he had a DUI years ago. When he was, when he
ordered port beer, he commented on the fact that I wasn't drinking much and said, I'm
not an alcoholic, even though I wasn't paying attention to what he was doing at that point.
Interesting. Yes. Let's definitely call that a yellow flag. He might have been nervous.
He might have not been doing something that he normally does. He said he had a DUI years
ago. So, you know, at one point he at least drank too much on one occasion. Guys, it's
very easy to get a DUI. Not just alcoholics get DUIs. All right? If you go someplace and
you're someone who does drink alcohol and you drink too much alcohol in a shorter period
of time, even if it's just two drinks or two and a half drinks, and then you drive and
you get pulled over, you could get a DUI. Especially depending on your height and your
body weight. So, there could be a lot more to that story. Not sure. So, definitely yellow
flag. Potentially red. Yellow right now until we get more information. As far as the not
divorced yet, but finalized soon. That happens in a lot of people's situations. If you're
not planning on being romantically involved with them, like kissing and doing all the
things, then I think it's fine to continue to get to know the person and just let them
know that you would not be interested in anything serious with them or anything even romantic
romantic with them. Okay? Right now you're just hanging out and going to mini golf, whatever.
Until they are officially divorced. Okay? Because the reason why I say that is this.
I believe that covenants don't end in American courts or Canadian courts or any courts. They
end in heaven. All right? Even if a covenant was even made. A lot of people make contracts
with the people they're married to. There's no covenant involved. There was always lying
and infidelity and deceit in those situations. One person thought one thing when they were
getting married and the other person knew a whole lot more than they were telling. Right?
There's all kinds of things that make that contract null and void from the very beginning
and it's certainly not a covenant. There's abuse, mental, verbal, emotional, physical,
before the marriage even happens. So once again, it's not a covenant. We can't enter
into covenants under those circumstances. But if it was a covenant and it was broken
and it was broken in heaven. Okay? It was broken in heaven and usually far before long
before. Can we go target? I'm going to go target. I have a return. Before those people
ever end up in the court systems and the court system dragged them out and I know people
that get held hostage. One of my girlfriends just sent me a message that she was finally
divorced. We've been trying to help her get divorced for a couple of years now. Her husband
disappeared. We couldn't find him. You guys, there's all kinds of extenuating circumstances
with custody arrangements and property and all kinds of stuff. You guys already know
that when I met David Dorman and he was my next door neighbor, he was not officially
on paper divorced. They had been separated for two years. He had asked her even after
meeting me if there was any chance that she would change her mind and get back together.
He needed that for his own peace of mind. And she said, no way, Ray. There's no way
that I'm ever going to come back. And she seemed really weirded out that after two years
of being separated in the divorce process that he would even ask. But that's the kind
of man that I married. My husband wanted to make sure even though, you know, he was falling
in love with the neighbor. He wanted to make sure that if there was any chance in reconciling
his family, because she was the one that left and she was the one that wanted a divorce,
that he would do it and he could do it. So lots of extenuating circumstances. So as long
as you let him know that you're not going to be doing anything, you're not going to
be getting into any romantic kind of situation with him until that's official. I think that's
fine. But follow your own conscience. Got to do that. Okay. So let's see. A few of his
texts one night were very garbled. And after our date, I realized that he was probably
drinking. Or wait, that's probably what was happening. Okay. Well, let's not assume. Alright,
let's make sure that we know for sure. He was pushy about my career, suggesting I start
a tax business instead of what I currently do. And not listening when I told him I wasn't
interested. He made disparaging remarks about his ex indicating unresolved issues with his
divorce. Okay. He did ask me out again and said he had an amazing time. I said yes in
the moment, because I didn't have enough time to process everything. I'm listening
out now. But I want to hear your thoughts. Part of me wants to have another conversation,
if not another date. But I'd like your thoughts on the still anything else I mentioned. My
gut is that he's probably not my guy. But I had fun golfing and it's been so good. And
I think it's good for you to get out. I think that you've in the past.
and kind of selective, we'll use a nice word instead of picky, about who you'll even give a chance to and even give a date to.
So I'm actually proud of you for getting out and having this date. Okay?
It does sound like he is still in process with a lot of things.
And I would encourage you, if he's interested in 1822, just go ahead and send him there.
Hopefully you already did because that's kind of an older question.
And see, let him do his hard work and see. You never know.
But I agree with you that he's in process in some situations, but I'm really proud of you for giving him a chance,
even after on that first phone call him, you know, TMIing you, telling you too much, too personal things.
I think that shows a lot of progress for you. And so, yeah, I like that, and I think that's good.
How do you introduce your kids to your Level 3 partner and each other?
Our daughters are 10, 11, 12, 13, 16, 17, and 18.
Let's see, you're only missing 10, 11, 12, 14, and 15, and then you have a whole set, a whole matching set.
Any recommendations on how to do this and what to do?
I have a feeling that you all already introduced your children because you are in SEMPAS.
But for everybody else, I'll just say, I would make it really low stakes and really fun and really kind of laid back, low key.
All right?
Don't, like, go out to dinner and everyone's sitting at the table with each other.
Plan something recreational.
Even plan something group related so that, you know, oh, he shows up with his kids and you're there with your kids.
Whether it's a ball game or it's a church outing or something where there's other people and there's other distractions,
so that everyone can kind of meet each other in a low key way the very first time so that there isn't all of this pressure, right?
Because some of your kids are going to feel differently than your other kids.
You've got a lot of kids in the mix.
And so some kids may be on board and other kids may not be on board.
And so it's important for you to give them a non-pressured, non-high stakes, non-hostile kind of meeting environment.
The man I'm dating, level three, has a porn sex addiction.
All right, let's just cut right to the chase.
All right, so I need to know more.
You said he has one.
Did he have one or does he have one?
Those are important.
Did he have one or does he have one now?
Because if he has an active porn sex addiction, then he is not eligible for a relationship.
All right?
He's got to deal with that.
All right?
Does that mean you can't be his friend?
You can be his friend if you have that kind of willpower.
But if you get involved with someone who has a current, all right, active porn sex addiction, then there's going to be problems.
There's just going to be problems.
All right, so if you're telling me that he had one and he has taken the precautions
and he's taken the steps in order to, you know, protect himself from himself while he's healing,
so he has accountability, he has covenant eyes, he doesn't have access to devices, you know,
and technology outside of, you know, devices and technology that have been blocked for his own safety,
then I'm going to tell you that he's not serious about getting well.
If he's not in some kind of counseling, in some kind of recovery program,
then he's not serious about getting well.
You want to know how I know?
Because this is a situation where you can't get to that stuff without technology.
And if you're not willing to take the technology that you have and protect yourself from it very easily,
because there's all kinds of things now that you can do, that means you're not serious about it.
If you want to give yourself the opportunity and the ability to just go and get it when you get weak in a weak moment,
then that's not okay.
It's not okay.
It's showing that this person isn't really serious about getting healed, right?
Deliverance only God can do, but then we have to walk that deliverance out.
Through what?
Through behavior modification, through the spirit, by leaning into the spirit,
by leaning into accountability and help.
You know, not just from the Holy Spirit, but also from people.
And so I want you to tell me that he's surrounded himself with a bunch of men to hold him accountable,
and he has shut down all technology in his life.
He's locked it down and kept it from his own self.
That's what I need to hear in order for him to be even a little bit safe for you to begin relationship with.
Okay?
And then once again, the nature of that addiction really twists people's minds, it rewires their brains,
and they are going to need a lot of inner healing in order to get to a place where they are going to be able to have a healthy relationship with you.
You can't hear me?
Can you guys not hear me?
Can you hear me?
Have I just been talking to myself this whole time?
Can you hear me? Can you guys give me some emojis if you can hear me?
Can you hear me? Okay.
All right, you guys.
We got to be careful with that.
All right.
Have sex addiction.
Gotta be careful with that.
I mean, the Bible is really clear.
It says, you know, in the Old Testament, if your eye offends you, pluck it out.
Actually, that's the New Testament.
If your eye offends you, pluck it out.
If your hand offends you, cut it off.
All right?
Men, women, doesn't matter who they are,
if you got a situation that is really dangerous to your salvation and to your eternity
and to your life and to your family and to anything and everything that you could possibly want,
then you got to really get serious about changing that.
Right?
You do.
All right.
Right here.
All right.
Hi, Jackie.
I met a man at a Christian retreat on March 22nd.
The retreat was an addiction recovery Christian retreat center.
Initially, he didn't understand what the place was about,
but after taking a tour, he sought me out because my father was in the program in 76.
He shared that he has a year clean from cocaine and other drugs from his work,
seeking out the Lord, going to prayer, when feeling urges to use, goes to prayer.
We went out on our first date a couple of weeks later.
Our second date, we went bowling, and he gave me a trophy for the prettiest bowler.
That's nice.
He's been very sweet and thoughtful.
We also have a significant age difference.
He's 41, and I'm 55.
He's okay with that.
My friends say we don't look like we have any age difference.
We see each other about twice a week at my Bible study
and some other activities during the weekend.
When he came to the first Bible study,
a couple of women recognized him from a local house of prayer
where they had seen him the night before praying.
My weekly Bible study includes one of my pastors and a youth pastor,
and they both hit it off with him.
All right?
The following week, one of my girlfriends brought her new boyfriend to the study,
and he's also friends with the man I'm seeing.
My dad came to visit from California.
We went out to dinner.
He likes him as well.
A couple of weeks ago, we went to a seminar on listening prayer.
Afterwards, he was very anxious talking about the future
because before meeting me, he had never thought about getting married,
and he has been thinking about how he would have to change his life to make this happen.
He also said, What if I cheat on you?
I told him he was getting ahead of himself and overthinking things,
that he should relax and just enjoy getting to know me.
In the same conversation, he shared that he has an addiction to porn
and asked me if I could be his accountability partner.
Y'all, 100% no, 1,000% no, 1,000,000% no.
Don't ever become the accountability partner of any man that you are dating,
any man that you're engaged to, married to,
any man that has any kind of addiction, whether porn or otherwise.
You are not their accountability partner.
Why?
Because that turns very quickly into enabler and addict,
and we're not going to do that.
They have to go get accountability with other men.
Important.
In fact, part of the reason why they're dealing with addictions is because
they didn't have the right male leadership and role models in their life in the first place,
and so this is important.
All right, so this story is just getting.
So he has a porn addiction.
Last week he asked if we could see each other exclusively.
I was initially hesitant.
Sorry, I lost my place.
This is a very long paragraph.
Y'all, I need you guys to shorten these paragraphs.
This paragraph is like 15 years long.
Okay.
Let me just kind of go read through this, okay?
He has a porn addiction.
He asked you to be his accountability partner.
He wants to be exclusive.
You said you thought it was a little bit soon,
but the next day you were good with being exclusive.
He does comedy as a side gig.
You went to see him in the show for the first time.
Afterwards he went back to his apartment and you got physically involved.
No sex, but definitely sexual more than appropriate.
You don't blame him.
It was definitely both of you.
This is what happens, y'all.
This is what happens, okay?
And here's the thing, a lot of people think that when, a lot of people that have porn addictions think well, you know, I'm trying to do the right thing but all I need is, I just need an outlet for my sexuality, I just need to get married and once I'm allowed to have sex then, you know, then I won't have this problem anymore.
And that's not true, it isn't. They have a porn addiction before they marry you, they're going to have a porn addiction after. If they have an unbridled, undelivered porn addiction, they're going to have one after they marry you too, okay?
And the sex that you have with them is going to get probably pretty bizarre and pretty empty and you're not going to be happy. How do I know this? Because I was married to a man with a porn addiction for 13 years, so listen to me.
Alright, so the next morning I sat down, I looked up articles about this and prognosis is for sex addiction is not good but I know that God can heal anyone from anything at any time.
You stayed at his place, okay, so you guys got physical, you didn't sleep that night thinking about it, you looked up articles, okay, he apologized, needed to do better, I told him he needs deliverance and Godly men in his life so he signed up for my church.
He took me out to dinner last night before Bible study and he barely kissed me, seems to be really careful about boundaries. We went to Bible study and he was so funny, everyone loves him and he's just amazing. So I feel like he's taking steps to work on himself but I know these are very big issues so while I'm getting attached to him, I do have my eyes open. I really do need to hear your thoughts on this situation.
Well, it's a very slippery slope Maria, I'm just going to tell you, it is and that was a while ago so I really would like an update to see where you guys are now and the fact that he's very funny is also a yellow flag for me because once again, that is a self-defense mechanism, deflecting feelings, bringing humor instead of really dealing with deep emotions, you know, there's just a lot going on here, a lot, a lot, a lot.
And what I really don't like about the situation is that after being in relationship with him, now you are bending your own boundaries and you're doing things that you know are not going to make you feel good about yourself and so these are all very serious, very serious things and so I would like to see where you are now, if you could update us, that would be great.
Do I try to work it out with my ex-fiance whom I still have a spiritual relationship with or move on?
Spiritual relationship?
We have made it almost two years long distance besides a few months broken up and we stayed pure throughout tonight though because our attraction is bonkers.
Alright, I don't know, I don't know what you're talking about.
You were engaged to them and now you're not engaged to them and you're wondering if you guys should just get back together.
I need more information, I don't know.
Why did you break up?
Because of the distance?
Why didn't one of you move if you were engaged?
What the heck happened?
I need more information.
Alright, I'm going to try to get these more recent questions done now.
How do you communicate with a man while being sensitive to his ego but at the same time not downplaying your intelligence and making yourself into a smaller version?
Sarah, I don't know what you're talking about.
So, you communicate with a man the same way that you would communicate with anybody and everybody else.
You just be yourself.
You just talk like you talk.
You don't have to talk differently to a man.
You don't have to walk on eggshells or not be who you are.
If a man isn't okay with your personality or your level of intelligence, then guess what?
He's not your person.
When I chatted with guys online, some common reactions I experience are I'm bored, I'm repulsed, I'm friend-zoned.
I rarely like anyone I go on a date with, especially Christian men, because they generally have no game.
I agree with you.
Maybe I am just not meeting quality men or is there something I can change?
I think a lot of Christian men don't have any game because they think that having game makes them bad, right?
They're not taught to have any game.
They're very passive in a lot of ways, especially guys that were raised in the church or guys that go to charismatic or revival stream churches.
And so I agree with you in that.
All right, so once again, let's not chat online.
Let's get in person.
Let's do fun things so you can see what their personalities are like, because if you're bored and you're friend-zoned,
it's important that we stop talking online and we start talking in person.
So I'd love to see you get out there this summer and meet people in person.
Okay, let's get to some in-person events.
Let's get to some meetups.
Let's get to some community events, not just spiritual community, but just community in general, wherever you live.
Look on Eventbrite and see what events are in your community
and go places and meet people in person and see who, you know, kind of gets you sparking.
I know you have said.
I'd give God the pen to your love story, but what is your take on guys with disabilities?
My husband was disabled and I stayed and stood by him every surgery and throughout all the
pain and medication and addictions.
I know no one knows when something will happen to them, but I don't want to start out a relationship
that way.
I've seen some guys that may be nice, but they have some kind of disability and I don't
want to deal with that.
You say you don't want to sound mean.
I get it.
You don't sound mean.
You sound traumatized.
You don't sound mean.
You sound like you've been through a lot and now you're looking at everything through that
lens.
I just had a couple get married that got married as a result of this program and he only has
one leg.
Just one.
But apparently that's all you need.
All right.
So I guess what I'm saying is that not all disabilities are the same and some disabilities
can't even be seen like fibromyalgia or mental health issues.
And so I really do want you to not just surrender the pen to God, but also invite Holy Spirit
to come and heal you from your past experience so that you won't, number one, be afraid of
ending up in the same situation as you were in before.
And number two, you won't look at everyone through the lens of that.
Okay?
We don't want to look through that lens.
I am 40, never married, never dated.
It's always been like I like someone, they don't like me, or they like me, but I don't
like them.
Isn't that it?
Don't we hate that?
Okay.
I'm open to dating someone younger than me, but not too young.
I look like I'm in my 20s, by the way.
Well good for you, girl.
Then this guy in my Bible study group who is 16 years younger than me started to ask
me questions like whether you want to get married or you want to have kids, what kind
of guy you're looking for.
I told him that I want to get married and also my age.
He was surprised and said that I only look 25.
You're 40, right?
Yeah.
Recently, he added me on social media and it seems that he looks at it, and I figured
out that I used to live in some other countries and figured out, okay.
So last Friday, he started to ask me questions about these cities, I started to doubt whether
he is interested in me, but a friend told me that he is not actively seeking a relationship
now and prefers someone younger than him.
At first, I think that I only want to treat him as a friend and get to know males more
because I don't have a lot of male friends.
Also, he is a safe since he is younger than me.
However, I started to be bothered by him a little bit more now since I'm afraid that
I would catch a feeling for him if we keep talking more.
He does have some qualities I'm looking for in a husband, but I'm not sure how mature
he is.
Also, from some other clues, it seems that he doesn't set good emotional boundaries
with women.
Should I keep talking to him, should I avoid him, or should I address my concerns with
him?
I honestly don't want to waste too much of my energy on this person.
Also, I'm wondering whether God is revealing some healing needs to take place in me.
Any insights?
Thank you.
Alright, so, you're in community together, okay, so you're level one.
You're in community together no matter what.
You're 40 and you, did you say how old he is?
You didn't.
Okay, he's 16 years older, younger than you, so he's 24.
Okay, so, I mean, it's probably not going to go anywhere, honestly, even if you do look
young, but at the same time, he's 24, so if he seems immature, it's because he is immature.
He's 24 years old.
And, you guys, the reason why we don't usually like people a lot younger than us, especially
men, is because men mature slower than women.
That's a fact.
That is not a myth.
They do.
Okay?
Emotionally, mentally, spiritually, okay, the only place that they mature quicker than
us usually is physically, and that's just after puberty, right?
My brother didn't hit his growth spurt until he was 18, and I was already my full height
by the time I was 14.
And so, the bottom line is, is that someone that's that much younger, especially at the
season of life that you're in where you want to get married and have kids, you're 40 years
old, you want to do that, you want to do that right away, this guy's not in your season.
Guys, it's not about different ages, it's about seasons, and this guy is not ready for
any of that.
Not a dating question, but can we do a session on generational curses?
No, probably not.
And you know why?
Because we can do, we can, I can put it in, I can put it in a path session of why I don't
believe you should be focused on that.
You guys are going to find out really quickly that I'm not a courts of heaven person.
I don't think we should be going around trying to do what Jesus already did on the cross.
Now does that mean I don't believe in deliverance?
I believe in deliverance, but I don't believe that deliverance happens the way people think
that it does.
And that's because I've gone through a lot of deliverance, and guess what, none of it
was on my schedule.
I didn't just get to go to a class and get delivered, okay?
There were things going on in my heart and in my life that I wasn't even aware of, and
that's why in heart work, we say, hey, don't go digging, don't go digging for
trauma let trauma surface let it surface through this supernatural surrender process where you're
surrendering to God and you're saying teach me show me heal me grow me and you're letting him
drive the train i've had some powerful deliverance moments in my life i did not seek any of them out
what i was seeking out was God what i was seeking out was him and as i was seeking him he took me to
the places to give me the things that i needed the revelation that i needed right the breakthrough
that i needed the deliverance that i needed and that's the way that it works okay unless you're
demon possessed okay there's definitely deliverance for that right people that are demon possessed
come into supernaturally charged environments and people are casting out devils especially
on missions trips and other things that's completely different all right once again God
is God all right and when we surrender to him we surrender everything to him all of our good all of
our bad all of our ugly right because the only thing good in us is him anyway we surrender all
of it and we are telling him i trust you to give me not just what i need but what i want and to
take me the places that i need to be to make the deposit in me that i need when i need it right
God knows who we are he knows where we are he knows what we need and he knows how to get it to us
and so sometime i'll talk to you guys and tell you about all of my experiences personally with
deliverance and once again it wasn't because i went to some deliverance minister or deliverance
ministry it wasn't because i went to the courts of heaven and petitioned on the behalf of my
ancestors and all this stuff there are some times when God reveals certain things to us that we need
to know but going digging around and trying to find that stuff and trying to do that work on your
own simply because you think that the problems in your life stem from something in the past the bible
clearly says that's not true it says that because you have to understand back in the old testament
if the parents sinned the whole family got killed remember Akin remember Haman right and so
God did away with that because it's not fair for your your you know these people to sin and for you
to pay the consequences of it right a lot of times we pay natural consequences of someone else's sin
like your dad runs off with another woman and then your family is thrust into poverty or your mom
marries the next man she meets and he's no good alcoholic and then you're thrust into a whole
crazy sin shame cycle of abuse yeah there's natural consequences of things you didn't do it
but now you have to live out the consequences and that's what heart work is about it's about
forgiving people it's about releasing those things so that we can move forward and move on okay
that's really important but there's a scripture that says that the parents have eaten sour grapes
and the children are feeling the sourness their teeth is set on edge and he said no longer will
this saying be true in Israel everybody will suffer at their own at their their own decisions
basically right and so I don't believe that God has asked us to go to the courts of heavens and
petition and do those things you know I'm not throwing that minister under the bus or that
theology under the bus but I don't believe it's biblical and the generational curses and us seeking
those things out I don't believe that that's biblical either okay Jesus finished it he died
for you and as you there will be times when you get greater revelation and greater breakthrough
there will be times that there are things that you know because of the trauma remember trauma
doesn't just hurt us it creates different versions of us and so those counterfeits that
you're living out of we have to let go of those things and we don't always let go of those things
right away because what does Jesus say he says if you continue in my word you will know the truth
and it will make you free it's about going forward it's about continuing it's about growing it's about
maturing by the washing of the water of the word it's about continuing to learn it's about being
renewed in our minds be you be you transformed by the renewing of your minds right and that word
mind is interchangeable with heart that's heart work stuff and so that is how we continue to get
delivered and walk it out there are moments of breakthrough that are very supernatural and I
think we call those things deliverance but those are moments of revelation where we're just coming
into more congruence with who we really are and all the false and counterfeit is falling away
and then we're empowered to continue to walk in that higher level of truth does that make sense
I hope it makes sense so I'm not against deliverance ministries I think that they have
their place if they're biblical in people's lives that are oppressed or even possessed
but at the same time I want to let you guys know that God is going to be the author of your
breakthrough all right and you can't just go digging around for it okay so all right
all right I think that's going to be all tonight for us Jackie we
already been on here for a long time so I appreciate you all showing up tonight
I'm sitting in the dark I got to go in Target and make a return and oh for
those of you that are going through the menopause with me let me show you my
book that I just got I haven't read it so I can't tell you if it's good or not
but it has come highly referred to me from a doctor that is really
specializing in this and I'm so thankful you guys knowledge is increasing about
taboo subjects people didn't used to talk about menopause right my mom didn't
even tell me about my period I didn't know anything about anything right so
I'm very thankful for all of this knowledge that's coming but anyway it's
called this is by dr. Mindy Pelz and it's called the menopause reset I don't
know if it's good or not but I am gonna read it and I'll let you know after I
read it it's sold out it's sold out at all the bookstores that's why I had a
copy on hold for me and so I will tell you get rid of your symptoms and feel
like your younger self again come on that sounds fun okay and David David's
like yay he's like get rid of all your menopause symptoms let's see let's name
them I have tailbone pain I have a little bit of hot flashes they're not
bad um what else I have fast I've gained a bunch of weight brain fog
obviously as you just saw yeah I think that's it but I will let you guys know
I'll let you know I'll see if I can recommend it to you all right and for
all of you that are younger enjoy it don't complain about your periods be
like yay it flow is here again right unless you have PCOS or something and
then be healed in Jesus name love y'all I'll see you soon