Thank you, hey everyone, it's me, Jackie D.
I'm not gonna come on camera
because I had a treatment done for my rosacea
and I'm looking a little like Freddy Krueger right now,
I can't lie.
And so it's all gonna be okay though.
It is, they tell me at least that it's gonna be okay
and I'm gonna believe them.
But I just wanted to jump on and say hey to everyone,
whether you're just joining phase two
and this is your very first live coaching call
or you've been here for a few weeks,
phase two is great.
Phase two is one of my favorites
because this is where we get to put our heart work
to the test, right?
We're gonna be doing heart work for the rest of our lives
and that's why heart work is a tool set.
It is a set of tools.
I know that when my daughter went away to college,
she was given a set of tools.
It's like hey, you're gonna be living on your own
and you might need to, you know,
you might need a screwdriver.
You might need a wrench, you might need something,
especially since you're gonna be away from home
and you can't just call dad and say hey,
can you come fix this?
And so here's a set of tools for you
and that is what heart work is.
It's a set of tools that you can use
for the rest of your life to better your life,
to better your relationships.
It's tools that you can share with your children
and with your, like I did my heart,
I did heart work with my mother at the end of her life
when she was just two more years before she passed away.
She was sick with advanced disease in her body
and I taught her how to use those tools.
It's never too late to use these tools.
My 91-year-old grandmother read the heart work
and she said why didn't we have these tools
when I was a young woman raising my children?
She didn't use the word tools,
but she said why didn't we know this stuff?
And there's a scripture in the Bible that says
that at the end of the age,
the knowledge of God would increase.
And it also says that knowledge would just increase, right?
We'd be ever learning but never able to come
to the knowledge of the truth
and the truth being a person and that's Jesus Christ.
And so as much as people learn,
the human mind and the intellect
is the enemy of the supernatural
because it's so simple, right?
The gospel is simple and the smarter that we think we are,
the less that we know because it's about faith
and it's about supernatural surrender.
And so I love phase two
because you get to put that to the test.
Am I really God defended?
Do I really believe I'm God defended
or I'm out here just building walls still?
I will tell you guys something
that has never happened before
in the history of this movement happened yesterday.
Someone DM'd me a song,
this person's engaged as a result of my coaching
and as a result of this movement,
had been single for a really long time,
divorced, went through a terrible marriage in the past,
was very scared to try again,
met someone amazing who was not their type
and that's a little nugget
that I wanna share with y'all tonight
before Renee gets to coaching y'all.
And she gave him a chance
and now they're engaged in getting married.
But get this, during heart work
and really during challenge,
during her challenge time with me
when she was in the free challenge
and then when she joined heart work,
she wrote a song.
She wrote a song about like the teaching and coaching.
I'll have to post it so you guys can hear it.
Now, objectively, musically, it's not that great
but the lyrics are hilarious
because the lyrics are like,
you know, I build a wall and the bad guys climbed up
and they peeped in my bedroom window
and just all this stuff
and it's really, really funny
because it's based on the coaching from the challenge.
But anyway, she realized that
the more that she would self-defend it,
the more she was actually attracting
the wrong kind of thing.
And so you get to test that out in phase two.
Am I really being God defended?
Am I interrogating these men when I meet them
or am I just letting God show me
what I need to see when I need to see it?
If you wanna write anything down, write that down.
Hey God, I'm trusting you to show me what I need to see
and only when I need to see it.
I'm just gonna tell y'all right now,
if I would have seen how crazy my husband now
that his former wife was when I was just dating him,
I probably would not have married him.
But God knew that I had enough grace and mercy in me
to handle that situation,
that blended rhymes with offended family.
He knew, he knew what I could do with him
if I partnered with him
and so he didn't show me those things.
Now I could have found that stuff out
if I was digging around trying to keep myself safe
and so a lot of times we will find things
that are above our pay grade
that we don't need to know right now
that cause us to cut and run prematurely
on something that really could be great
and I can tell you 17 years in, I'm so glad I didn't know.
All right, so you get to try out the tools.
Are you really being God defended?
Are you really surrendering the pen?
Are you still busy writing your own love story?
Do you got your little pen out, writing it, telling God what you want it to look like
and what it has to be like and crossing everybody off the list before they even get a chance
because they're not the fantasy that you have in your mind?
I will tell you, 80% of our success stories here, and we have lots and lots of them, they
say the same thing, Jackie, without this movement, without this coaching, without the revelations
that I learned here, I would not have given this person a chance.
They're not my type.
On paper, they're not what I was looking for.
And the men and the women say that, not just the women, but the men as well.
I'm hoping for 100% success rate with our women, but I will tell you, the men that
come in, we really do have a very large, large, large percentage of success there.
And I think it's because, here's the thing, I think it's because men usually don't get
involved in stuff like this.
And so when they come here, they really are serious, right?
They're serious.
They're willing to take direction, which is great.
I think sometimes women, they come here and they think that they still have some other
options besides really listening to the coaching.
And so I really want to encourage you to really lean into the coaching in phase two.
Do not be afraid to get out there and get opportunities to try out the hard work.
I used to tell people, hey, just go out with anybody who asks you out if it seems safe
and they're not dangerous and overtly dangerous, regardless of whether you would ever be attracted
to them.
Because just for practice, right?
To practice your skills, because some people really need practice.
They have no skills in this area.
They either have never dated anyone, they've never gotten to know someone outside of the
person that they were married to, or they just really have never been in a relationship.
And so it's good for you to get out there.
So let's talk quickly, your little nugget for today, type.
My type, and you guys, I want you to understand and I want you to pray into this after this
coaching call, where does your type come from?
Where does it come from?
Is it dad?
Is it the father that you never had and you tried to please and tried to get emotionally
close to and never was, or he passed away, or like my father abandoned the family?
Is it some other man in your life that you really respected and admired?
Did it come from a TV show when you were a kid?
Okay, my type was tall, blonde, blue eyed, athletic.
That was my type.
And you know where that comes from?
It comes from my brother, my older brother.
He's 18 months older than me and he was my hero.
I wanted nothing more than to have his approval and for him to like me and to think I was
cool.
I used to tag along everywhere he went because we came from a very broken family and he was
the only safe place to be, but he was very emotionally distant, very closed off.
And now I understand because he was dealing with the trauma that we were experiencing
differently than I was.
Okay, but all the boys that I liked growing up looked like my brother.
That's where it came from.
Tall, tan, blonde, athletic, and not just regularly athletic, but like snowboarder and
BMXer and like California boy, right?
Surfer kind of thing.
And y'all, I'm married to the love of my life and he is short, he is fat, he has brown hair,
but he does have blue eyes.
He's not not athletic, he plays golf, but not the same thing, right?
And I'm very attracted to him and he is working out, he is losing weight.
But you guys, I met him fluffy and he has remained fluffy for 17 years, okay?
He's not like, you know, horribly fluffy, but he's just fluffy.
He's not that fluffy at all, that poor thing.
Well, I don't know, Renee.
I mean, he is 5'8 and 215 pounds.
And the doctor just told him that he has to lose 50 pounds.
So he's a little fluffy.
All right.
And then of course, you guys know that I'm 5'10 in my bare feet.
So I just want you to really lean into where does your type come from?
Where does it come from?
If you have a pattern, if you have a type, if there's a certain thing that turns your
head and you guys, it doesn't have to be what they look like.
It can be the way that they, their personality, the way that they communicate.
You can like the smooth talkers.
You can like the, the guys that are extroverted.
They're the life of the party.
You can like that, that, you know, the quiet brooding type of guy, the guy that you have
to like chase and win over the avoidance, right?
It's a challenge to get this James Dean guy to fall in love with you, whatever it is,
but your attraction, especially if it's not been working for you, if it's not been working
for you, if it's not been turning out great and wonderful, then there it's probably attached
to some lies that you're believing about what is valuable or about, you know, masculinity
and, you know, how you might use that relationship to redeem another broken relationship, like
the one with your brother or your father.
See if I could get these tall blonde Adonises to fall in love with me.
Then I could, you know, win over the affection of an archetype that was like my brother who
emotionally never would attach.
And that same brother lives on my property now because he got ran over by a car and he
can't walk.
And so he's my captive audience and I get to pour all my love on him and he can do nothing
about it.
So praise the Lord.
All right.
So Renee, you are up.
So ladies, it was great to talk to you today and I hope you enjoy phase two, dig in and
go out there, try new things, meet new people.
You never know what you're going to like until you try it.
It was so good.
That was so good.
Because that really falls in line with some of the stuff that we're going to be talking
about tonight.
So if you are new to phase two or you're new to coming to this class, let me just kind
of run down what we do when we do our check-in.
We usually start with some housekeeping items, just if there's anything that we need you
to be aware of, we're going to do it at the front end.
And because you're technically supposed to be in phase two for four weeks, there's four
main teachings.
There is the Dating 101 video.
There is the Divine Feminine video.
There is the Online Dating and the Boundaries.
Those are longer one hour videos.
So we always say, try to digest one a week.
Some of you inhale them all in one week and that's fine.
I'm just going to tell you to slow your roll.
And so what Carla and I are doing now is we're just going to highlight one of those topics
a week.
So in four sessions, you will have heard me kind of summarize it.
So I'm going to talk about Dating 101.
If you've not watched that video, you've not watched yet, don't worry about it.
I'm helping give you some tips ahead of time.
And then next week we'll do the next one.
And so it may not be matching the one that you're watching.
That is okay.
And then after four weeks, I'll start back at the beginning.
Then the other thing we do is we talk about items based on what you guys are saying throughout
the week and in the roll call.
And so a lot of you, and so if you're watching this in replay and you're like, I don't feel
connected to anybody, here's how you get connected.
You get connected by showing up in community on Sundays.
By Sunday morning, the roll call post will come up.
That's the best place for you.
Even if you give us an update throughout the week, please try to answer the roll call post.
It is much easier for me to kind of pull out and highlight what are the themes, what are
the issues kind of I see populating.
And so that's really where you want to do it.
You're going to see replies from Carla and myself.
We are both the coaches in phase two, so you want to be looking for that.
And then of course, throughout the week, especially if you are watching this in replay, if you
watch a video and you have questions, put them in the feed.
We will get to them.
If you have a dating update or you want us to give advice on your dating profile, please
stay engaged.
So the more you show up to prayer, to Supernatural Saturday, Sunday night activation, check-ins
or put comments in the thing, that's how you can really get connected to these other
women and to us and us kind of like get to know you a little bit better.
I don't always, until you start talking, I don't always put your name and your story
together until you start talking like, oh yeah, you're the one that posted about that.
And then we can kind of help you along.
And then of course, my favorite part is opening up the floor and you guys get to ask me anything.
You get to ask me something about the video, something about the teaching.
It could be like, you know, it could even be like, oh my gosh, Jackie just said this
and I don't even know what to do with that.
That's fine too.
Or you have a specific dating scenario.
I try to get as many people as possible to speak.
And so just kind of be lean in your expression and I'll call on you at the very, very end.
In between that, if you're somewhere where you can't come on camera, if you put it in
the chat towards the end, I will try to make sure.
Sure, I can get to all of those questions first. So super excited. Alright, so here's some quick housekeeping items.
Let's see. I just mentioned this already. Do we have any new people here tonight. Is anybody here for the first time you can raise your avatar hand.
Awesome. Gosh, Tiffany, man. And you got the big cheese who came on. I mean, she doesn't always come on. So that's awesome.
Look at all you newbies. I love it. So it's good that I just went over that. And so if you're brand new, the very first video you should have watched is Love Story Accelerator.
And the biggest things that happen in Love Story Accelerator is she says, okay, it's time to start dating. She gives you a seven date challenge. Do not freak out. You're like, oh, my gosh, I can't. I couldn't find seven dates in seven years and you want me to find them in the next like seven weeks. How's that even possible.
It's just the idea to kind of get you excited and going. We talk a lot about eating healthy.
I always say you should be eating almost your goal body weight in grams and protein fiber. You should have at least 20 grams of fiber a day.
But you want to eat as many items that are single sourced food items. That's how you know you're going to get things that are not so processed.
Jackie put in there to walk 10,000 steps a day. I can tell you, I'm a fitness instructor.
So if you are nowhere near 5,000 or 10,000 steps a day, do not start with 10,000 steps. Be kind to your body.
If all you've been getting is 3,000 steps, then add 10% every single day until you kind of get up there. 10,000 is a magic number.
I shoot a little bit over that, but I've been on this journey a long time. And so pay attention to that. She talks about drinking at least, I forget, 72 ounces of water.
The rule of thumb is half your body weight in ounces. That's about how much water you should definitely be drinking. So that's the kind of idea of Love Story Accelerator.
And I've already told you that. OK, the fourth thing, the fourth bullet point that I'm going to give to you guys.
And this is something that you may or may not have caught on in phase one, but it's especially important in phase two and later when you get to phase three.
We really focus on the heart work here as the tool. And Jackie gives you guys a lot of content.
Now, we are not saying that there's not great pastors, sermons, speakers, influencers, authors that are out there.
There are. You just don't promote them here.
So we just don't want you to like we're not going to approve posts that have links to other sermons, links to other authors, because we don't have time to vet their entire library to see if it lines biblically with what we believe
and if it matches the content and then also be careful about promoting other dating sites.
And we're actually putting together a list of places that we want to recommend as a team.
That doesn't mean it's an exhaustive list. It's just the list we're willing to stake our reputation on.
There are things I've tried online that Jackie may or not be like, you know, I really don't like that one. And that's OK.
So just be careful about the specifics that you promote outside of the arena.
OK, so tonight's topic is Dating 101. So and I bring this up, you guys, because this trips up everybody.
Literally, people have been in phase three for a year and they're still getting tripped up over the dating levels.
And the idea of the dating levels, it's so probably different than how so many of you have done.
So if you've not yet watched the video, kind of given you like the Cliff Notes version.
If you watched it and you forgot everything, I'm just kind of here to remind you.
We believe in discovery dating and levels of dating so you don't get emotionally tied up in one person too quickly,
because in this season, she wants you to meet as many people as possible.
You don't want them falling in love with you and you don't want them falling and you don't want to fall in love with them on the first date.
That's just not normal. It's not healthy. That's your trauma attracting his trauma.
And so we don't want to be doing that.
And so we want to make sure that we really get a chance to get to know people.
And if we don't like them, we will leave them better.
And we do that when we kind of do levels of dating.
So level one is community relationships.
Level one is what you guys have with each other, what you have at your church.
When you get to phase three and it's coed, it's what you're going to have with everybody.
So level one dating is what I call group dating.
It's just community.
Your life group is level one.
These are people that you're getting to know, but you're getting to know them probably in a group setting.
If you are going online and you're meeting people online, we don't kind of that first texting phase or when you have that first phone call.
That's still level one dating because technically he is probably still talking to a handful of.
other girls, right?
You don't really know until you're on that first live date that, okay, this is a date.
I'm getting his undivided attention at least for the next hour, hopefully.
That's a date.
If you are long distance and y'all book a video date, you both show up, you look cute,
you know, he's got a glass of wine, you got a glass of wine, and you're talking about
stuff and you're dressed up, that's a date.
That's a level two dating.
Level two dating is what we call discovery dating.
You are just discovering about people.
So that's why Jackie says if your friend, neighbor, cousin, uncle, brother wants you
to meet somebody that they know, we don't care what he looks like.
We don't care.
Now, you may care about your God-defended list.
And so that's what she was trying to talk to you guys about.
There's the self-defended list you had and they are, he's my type, and I don't get all
the like things, like the spark, the mm kind of thing that you want in that first date,
right?
You may not have that with 90% of the people that you have a first date with when you discovery
date because you're giving a lot more people a chance.
Now I will say this, there are some deal breakers we all have.
I am not going to date a smoker.
I'm not going to discovery date a smoker.
I'm not going to discovery date a guy that says I'm 420 friendly.
I'm just not going to do it.
I'm probably not going to date a guy who's got like he, they next to his name either.
Like I'm just probably not going to.
So I probably have some, you know, things that are true for me.
Now I've been dating a lot longer than y'all.
And I, even though I live in Nashville, Tennessee, I'm a little bougie and I'm from the New York
area.
And I already know in the South, I'm not going to date a guy that shows me more pictures
of his motorcycle and his fish than anything else.
He's not my guy.
Like, we're just not going to happen.
We're going to like be sport board to tears.
Now I did give those guys a chance in the stage that y'all are in.
I tried.
I really did try.
And actually they found me way too.
They found me more bougie than I found them way to more country.
I'm just saying.
So now I've just learned, but in the beginning I was willing to talk to them.
I went outside my height, my weight, my race.
I tried everything.
Like I was willing to try it all.
And so there's, so there's that.
So that's discovery dating.
You're just getting to know people.
And here's where people get really tripped up on what to say during discovery dating.
Discovery dating is like the highlight reel of your life.
It's the stuff you don't care about that if anybody finds out about it, right?
This is the stuff like, like for me, discovery dating is, all right, I'm a short little Italian
girl.
I'm from Connecticut.
I grew up there with my big Italian family.
I lived in Northern California when I was also in middle school and high school and
went back to Connecticut.
I went to college in Pennsylvania.
I got a finance degree.
I've been in the corporate world, full-time church ministry, and now I'm in seminary school.
Those are all, I mean, I'm one of four siblings.
I was a cheerleader.
I love college sports.
I like to cook.
I'm a really good cook.
Do you guys hear what I'm saying?
You're getting to know information about me, but it's all stuff that I don't care if anybody
knows.
It's like front page stuff.
Don't care.
If they ghouled me, they probably would find that information out about me.
So when people say, when we say to you, like, don't talk about too much about your past,
you can say you're divorced, period.
If they ask you in those first few conversations, well, why did you get divorced?
You know what?
That is a great question, and I'll be happy to answer that if we keep talking.
Now I think it's more important for you and I to get to know who we are today.
So one of the recommendations that we talk about in discovery dating, that level two
dating, is we talk about stay in the present and talk about the future, but mostly stay
in the present.
When you talk about your past too much, that's when you start sharing your trauma and your
drama.
We don't want to do that.
If you talk about the future too early on, you can get very love bomby, like, oh my gosh,
you're so amazing.
You love Jesus too.
You speak in tongues.
Oh my gosh.
You've done the hard work too.
Like, oh my gosh.
Yes.
I want three kids.
I want the house on the lake.
And then you guys start dreaming together in the future.
So you don't want to dream too much in the future too quickly, and you don't want to
talk about the past.
Now, and you might need to think about the things in your life about your past that you
know people are going to ask you questions about, and you're like, crap, how do I say
this without saying too much?
How do I say this without verbally vomiting?
So let me just give you an example.
I had a very complicated relationship with my father.
He went home to heaven two years ago, and it produced a lot of complicated grief.
I'm in a very, very good place about it now.
So what I would say about him and that situation is very different than when I was in the.
throes of it 10, even 10 years ago, even five years ago.
But even then that it's not, and I, you guys,
let me say this too.
Everything that Jackie tells you not to do, I did.
I did it all wrong first, I promise you.
Like I am not sitting here like I had it all right.
I did it all wrong.
And so you are gonna learn my lessons faster
because I'm gonna tell you all the things I did wrong
and just do the opposite of what I did.
So I would just, because I thought I was so empowered.
I did so much therapy and I did so much healing
that I thought it was important for me
to tell you everything right up front
and me to learn that about you right up front.
No, no.
And so in that discovery dating,
I would say things like people like,
oh, you know, like, oh, you know, I really,
I'm a really, I have a really close relationship
with my dad, my mom, you know,
a little more complicated with my dad,
but you know, we've definitely have been working through it.
That's all I might say.
As we start dating, you know, gosh,
there were definitely some themes
I've really had to work through with.
You know, my dad and I really got a lot of conversations
about my way and about, you know, this,
and I've had to really work on that.
It would not be until a level three relationship,
which I'll get to next, where we're exclusive
and we're getting much more serious
that I might say, gosh, I have a raw,
you know, I probably still have a lot of triggers
and deep wounds associated with my dad.
So chances are, if you bring up this topic
or you say this and you see my reaction,
it means I'm probably having a trigger
to something about my relationship with my dad
to just kind of warn you.
And even then, until we're engaged,
there's a lot I don't need to be telling them
about that story.
Like there are parts of my story with my dad
that are still very private.
And like I said, I've kind of closed that chapter.
So I feel less and less like I need to say
all of the details of it.
And so that's how what I'm trying to say to you,
like think about peeling an onion.
So you want to think about your career.
You want to think about your children.
You want to think about your faith.
And so here's what I would say about my faith right away.
You guys, sharing your testimony,
there's no way you can share your testimony
without vomiting too much information.
So this is not a 12-step meeting.
You're not sharing your testimony
in the first conversation with a guy.
You might just say like, here's what I would say
on a first date.
You know what?
I grew up Catholic.
I'm so grateful for the sense of discipline
and consistency that it brought in my life.
And you know, I was in the hospital a lot as a kid.
And so I'm so glad I had a faith
so I knew how to pray early on.
When I went off to college, you know,
that's when my relationship with God
became more real for me.
And I've been following them ever since.
Poof, that's it.
That's all I would say about my faith right up front.
I mean, I wouldn't be telling them
what my gifts of the spirit are.
If I speak in tongues, you know, do I go denominational?
Do I believe that women should be in leadership?
And so if you get into crazy conversations
and men are like, do you celebrate all the holidays?
Do you believe that women should be ordained?
Like, that's just kind of, I mean,
that to me is kind of have a little bit
of a religious spirit kind of attached to it.
So I usually just say, hey,
can we kind of not get into the details
of that stuff right now?
By the way, there is like a dog bone
probably buried under my couch
and my dog's been crying for it all day.
I'm gonna have to try and find it for her
like after this call.
So I apologize if you're hearing that sound
underneath me talking.
And so that's what discovery dating is all about.
You can share like, hey, you know what?
I really wanna, you know, I'm in seminary school
and I don't know at all what I'm gonna do with it.
I might become a chaplain.
I might be a teaching pastor.
I might be a pastor, all care pastor.
I'm just really open to how it got.
So it's not that I'm not gonna talk about my dreams,
but I'm not gonna get into the detail.
That's level two discovery dating.
You are doing that with more than one person at a time.
You are not dating them though
because you're not making out with him.
You're not letting him rub your back.
You're not giving each other massages.
You're not like linking hands, walking down the street.
The minute you bring romance in it,
you've now kind of almost bumped yourself into level three.
So no, we don't want you to be making out
with five different guys.
We don't want you to be hugging on five different guys.
You can give the side church hug, you know, that's fine.
But like anything that's romantic,
we really don't want you doing in level two
because we want you to talk to a lot of people.
The other reason why we want you to talk
to a lot of other people is a lot of times
when you start meeting guys, you're like, oh my gosh,
he's the one and you become obsessed with him.
And you can't help it.
You're like, oh my gosh, but he didn't reply to me.
If you're talking to a bunch of people,
you're not gonna notice when Bob blows you off
for a couple of days
because you're talking to Joe and Mark.
And so that's why we also want you
in that discovery dating phase.
Now, the next phase would be exclusive.
Now, depending on how old you are,
some people like to get to exclusive pretty quickly
because they kind of grew up in the generation
where you didn't date more than one person at a time.
Like the last person that I dated,
by our fourth date.
eight, he was ready to be exclusive.
And to be honest with you,
I had been on so many bozo dates
that I was very happy to just be exclusive dating
for a bit with him.
Did I think I was marrying him at the time?
No, but I was very happy that he wasn't gonna be talking
to any of their chicks for a bit.
So I always joke around.
Jackie does not call it 3A and 3B.
I call it 3A and 3B.
3A is we both have just decided we're gonna put pause.
I call it the pause on all the other dating.
You're just pausing, you're pausing.
But somewhere 3A turns into,
hey, you're starting to talk about marriage.
You're starting to talk about the big picture
and planning the future together.
So three has a continuum on it.
So when you first start out in level three,
you're probably not talking about marriage yet.
But by the end, you are.
And then of course, level four is engagement.
Level five is marriage.
We highly recommend our pre-marriage class that we offer.
It's called SIMBAS.
It's an acronym for save your marriage before it starts
or sink it, which I'm 0 for 2 for SIMBAS.
Or maybe I'm 2 for 2 for SIMBAS.
SIMBAS is a really great way.
If you're in a serious relationship with somebody,
I'm a big fan of taking that Dane class
before y'all get engaged.
Before you make it public and you've gone Facebook
and you did the whole ring thing,
take the class and it's a six week class
and it will definitely pull up the topic of,
you'll talk about sex,
you'll talk about roles that you have, family blended,
you'll talk about finances,
all the hard stuff you don't like to talk about,
it will kind of force you to kind of talk about that.
So I highly recommend SIMBAS towards the end of level three
when you're thinking about getting engaged.
And then of course, level five is marriage.
But you guys are here in level two, possibly level three.
I would definitely recommend if you're level two dating,
somebody at least give it four or five dates
before you decide to make it exclusive
and really let at least three or four weeks
have gone by with that.
You guys, so many women just feel like in such a rush
and you have to really sniff out
for love bombing and love addiction.
And you can't tell that right up front
because secure attachment,
and by the way, if you guys have not noticed,
I keep forgetting now we've added
the secure attachment content to phase two.
So that's also really amazing stuff.
There's like three sessions of the attachment stuff.
And we talk about secure attachment,
avoidant attachment and anxious attachment.
And you will start to notice which one you tend to be.
And you will notice what you're getting from somebody else.
So somebody always says to me,
how do you know if it's love bombing or it's real?
Well, if they're telling you that you're in love with you
and they barely know anything about you,
they wanna marry you, that's probably love bombing.
But secure attachment, men kind of know pretty quickly.
And so their pacing is consistent.
It's not obsessive and it's just confident
and it's just calm, but it's not kind of rushing you.
But the way you know love,
and here's what I also know with love bombing,
love bombing tends to wanna isolate you
and not introduce you to family and friends.
But again, you'll know it's love bombing
when it feels like too much too soon
and they can't sustain it.
Love bombers usually can't sustain it.
But time, time, time, time,
that's why you're not making out with them in the beginning
because we don't want you to get all hot and bothered.
And that's just gonna mess up your brain
figuring out if this is good or not.
Okay, and if anything I'm saying,
you wanna make your question at the end,
you can go ahead and do so.
So that's our topic for tonight.
And then I have just a few pieces of information.
Since y'all, since we, I looked at your comments,
let the coaches give advice.
Some of y'all, okay, this is your,
this is your, she's just killing me tonight.
This is your chance to not be the therapist.
If you are a therapist in the room,
this is your chance to not be the therapist in the room.
And this is your chance to kind of receive from us,
receive from us.
So unless you guys are doctors,
you can't diagnose people either.
So I don't want to see any of you guys writing like,
oh my gosh, he was a narcissist,
she's a narcissist, codependent.
Like, let's not be diagnosing people we don't know.
Now you can say somebody has narcissistic traits
or someone's kind of behaving a little Cody,
but we really want to make sure we don't diagnose people.
The other thing we want to make sure
is that you don't tell people to do something
in a very blunt way.
Some of you are like, oh man, dump them, dump them.
Like, oh my gosh.
the total jerk or, oh my gosh, that happened to me.
Like, we're trying to date differently.
So whatever you used to do in the past,
we just wanna make sure we don't dump old mindsets,
old patterns, old beliefs in the present.
So if you are not a coach, just be careful.
Here's how you could say it.
Like, Elizabeth might go, gosh, Angelica,
you know what, here's what I think.
Here's what sounds healthy.
Here's what seems like might be a good idea.
So you're kind of couching it in a way
that it's clear that you are stating an opinion.
It's not stating facts.
We wanna make sure if we are giving any feedback
that it's just feedback, which is just opinion.
And also just make sure you guys are being nice
and don't give blunt answers.
Because sometimes I've seen, and it happens in phase three,
people are so blunt with their responses.
I'm like, oh my gosh, that poor girl
is never gonna ask for help again.
Like, can we please be nice?
Like, oh my gosh, be kind.
So that's another thing.
Lift all boats.
It is really easy to start getting discouraged,
to have FOMO, and I am okay.
No one, if you come to prayer Monday mornings,
you know no one can hold space for sadness
and depression more than me.
I can handle it.
But I always want you to find the glimmer of hope
in every comment.
So if you lament for three paragraphs on a post,
you better wrap it up with choosing some hope
at the end.
Because I don't want you dragging
the whole ship down with you.
It is okay to kind of own your sadness and grief.
But hopefully if you've done the hard work,
you've got some good stuff to say.
I realized I printed out the second page
and I accidentally threw it in the garbage.
I was wondering what that second piece of paper was.
And I know it was a really good piece of advice.
However, Jackie came on and took up 10 minutes.
So I don't want to take too long,
because I always like to, by the bottom of the hour,
I'm a little bit over, go right into taking your questions.
So while you, if you have a question,
go ahead and raise your avatar hand
and let me go ahead and look through the chat now.
And I see what we got here.
Okay.
I don't know.
Oh, 5,000 steps playing pickleball.
It's so funny.
I play pickleball with my brother
and like he's a big heavy guy
and he smoked all of us.
He barely moved on that court.
I looked like the little Energizer buddy,
just racing back and forth.
And I like, he probably logged a thousand steps
and he kicked, he smoked us.
Okay, let's see.
So on the first phone call,
I've been sharing my testimony with them.
Oh, heck no, Dawn,
don't be sharing your testimony on a phone call.
That's just, just, just Dawn, that's a hot no.
If you can't say your testimony in under 45 seconds,
it's too long for that first phone call.
You just saw how fast I gave my testimony, right?
It's gotta be like the elevator pitch version
of your testimony, elevator pitch.
Does anybody know what elevator pitch?
It means the time that you have on an elevator,
which is about a minute or 45 seconds.
That's how long your testimony needs to be.
So if you've got to write it down and practice it,
then that's what you need to do.
Again, you're not supposed to go super deep.
Let's see.
Alani, you should be joining a Single City Reading
and y'all can be offering to do stuff
on that Single City page.
Give the poor dog a bone.
A girl, I wanna give her the bone.
I just don't know where it is.
It's buried under the thing
and she's got three others sitting here.
She just wants the one she can't get to.
She's just crying.
What does lift all boats mean?
Okay, that's a great question.
Okay, if you guys go back to your welcome session,
probably back in phase one,
they listed the six group rules.
They're also in guide one on Facebook
and it's the five, what she calls the royal rules.
And she kind of describes each of them.
And one of them is called lift all boats.
It's just really this idea that misery loves company.
And sometimes when I say something bad
and then if I say, oh my gosh,
I just had this awful day
and no guys are ever gonna like me
and I'm really fat and I'm really ugly.
And then Elizabeth comes on my post
and she's like, oh my gosh, me too.
Men suck.
And then Jessica comes on the post
and she's like, oh my gosh, men totally suck.
Look what we're doing.
We are sinking our ship, man.
Like we are bringing each other down
and it's like, we're kind of,
we're just bringing each other in the pit.
And so the idea is lift up the boat.
So hopefully, let a little.
Elizabeth is gonna say, girl, I get it.
I feel like that on a lot of days too,
but let's remember what Jackie said.
We just need one.
Even if Elizabeth don't believe it,
she's gonna say it
because she knows we both need to get lifted up.
So, okay.
All right, so I'm gonna pause.
Amber, I'm gonna come back to you
because I have a lot of hands raised.
So Elizabeth, you are up first, go.
I'm gonna be quick.
I've posted in the Facebook group
how kind of an unusual and surprising situation
happened Sunday.
A man that I've known for like 10 years,
we went on a few dates two years ago
and kind of, he was really wanting
to be very specific denominationally
and it was very respectful,
but I kind of knew, okay,
he probably won't ask me out again.
And he showed up to church on Sunday,
hadn't told me he was gonna be there.
I saw your post.
Did he come to see you?
Well, he didn't.
He was trying to play it off cool.
He had no other reason to be there.
He knows nobody-
How did he know that's your church?
We had talked about it.
But when was the last time you talked to him?
Two years ago.
So you haven't talked to him in two years ago.
In two years.
I mean, we've known each other a long time.
So did he really even know that that was your church still?
Do you think he really knew?
Like when he saw you, did he seem surprised?
Or he's like, oh yeah-
He didn't seem surprised.
He sat like five rows back in a aisle over.
It sounds very stalkerish, but I've known,
I know him well enough that it's not stalkerish.
You know what I mean?
I don't know.
So did he say, did he come to see you?
Or did he completely forget that that was your church?
He told me, I'm about to be having to move for work.
And there's people I really wanted to see before.
And I really wanted to see you.
Great.
He said in my church,
we had horrible storms here in Dallas.
And so his was without power still.
But we're in Dallas.
You can throw a rock and hit a church building.
He drove an hour.
But this-
Oh, but I think, I'm trying to remember.
I think I gave you advice that I'm not sure about this guy,
but keep going with your story.
Keep going.
Well, so he wanted to go to my life group with me.
Like he was, it wasn't, he wasn't like overly eager,
but he was like, well, what's next?
And he went with me and I was shocked to see him.
We went out to lunch after.
It felt like a date, like he paid.
I wasn't anticipating or like expecting that.
And the weirdest thing is I sent him a text
Sunday afterwards.
I have heard nothing back from him.
Cricket.
I mean, and I, well, and I would say you probably,
you know, here's, what's interesting about men.
Sometimes they just want to know, like,
so he could have been,
it is possible you were somebody on his radar,
like way from way ago, like,
hey, before I move or before I make this move,
let me just circle back with this chick.
She kind of caught my eye the last time.
I'm kind of interested.
And so he shows up, goes to life group with you
and goes to lunch with you.
And so the phrase I've said to people is sometimes
they like us, they just don't like us enough.
Or they like us, but they're about to move
and their life is in transition
and they don't know what to do with it.
And so they're not going to do anything with it.
Or maybe they're not going to do anything with it right now.
So if you've left him a message, you've dropped the hanky.
You've let him know that you would love to hear
from him again, but you can't do anything else now.
Right, no, I am not, I'm like mouth closed.
And I will say though,
now that he's done this power move on you,
I will say if he reaches back out to you,
I think it's completely appropriate you
for you to be a little bold and just say,
hey, you know what, I have to be honest.
It was kind of weird to not see you for two years
and then have you show up and then spend all that time
with me and then not talk to me.
Like, you want to hang out again.
I just want to bring some clarity
what that actually means for you.
Are you just wanting to hang out as friends?
Like you need friends right now?
Normally if it was a hinge date,
I would not even think about it.
But it's someone I've known for so long.
Right, and it's possible he just wanted to know
where you were at.
And maybe during the conversation he realized I like her,
but you know what, some of that stuff's still there.
Like, or maybe that's not what I want,
but he's not going to tell you that
because that doesn't feel nice.
But I would say if he does want to spend time
with you again, it's okay.
So you guys hear that, like she dropped the hanky,
no big, this way she knows she did her part.
But if he does want to spend time with her again,
it is okay to say, hey, you know,
obviously because we've got a past and a history
or friendship, I just want to make sure
we're being really clear here.
Like, are we just wanting to hang out?
Are you considering something more like, I'm good either way. I just want to make sure I have a good
understanding. He's definitely, I mean, I'm not an armchair counselor, but I think some avoidant
of attachment maybe after what we, you know, learned there. Anyways, so yeah, that's really
good advice. So thank you. Isabel, I will talk to you about the attachment where they're located
afterwards. So let's not worry about that. Oh my gosh, you guys, my eyes are so,
Malia, is it Malia? Am I saying that right? Yes. Hi, Renee.
Hey, beautiful. How are you? I'm well, thank you. I just got out of jujitsu, so I'm sweaty,
but I'm in Hawaii. It's very hard for me to connect with you guys sometimes. I've been
invited to the love seat for Jackie and I couldn't make it last week, but I'm the one
in the situation who was engaged last year, broke it off, and we're still kind of talking.
But as of last night, I was with my prayer girls and they were just like, do you want to pray away
that soul tie? And this man, we've been together for two years off and on, got engaged last year
in May, planned the wedding for August. I freaked out. I think it was my trauma.
We were doing the counseling, the book that you were just talking about. And chapter one,
I was stuck and I was like, I can't do this. And he's like, do you need space? I'm like,
I need to go in the room and just like freak out. So I'm a single mother of two. I've had
really crappy relationships. I've been in the secular world for my twenties and thirties and
really thought I didn't want to be married. I was just trying to be independent and do all this
thing, do my own thing. And when I got closer to the Lord, I just had my desire just aligned with
him to get married. And really I just took a deep dive into my faith and just completely restored
my relationship with the Lord. So he and I, his name is, well, he's in Texas anyway. I don't want
to say his name just in case, but he and I were, we started off, I told him it came out of my mouth
and I swear it was the Lord speaking through me. I just said, listen, I've done it my way for
decades. And you're here in Hawaii visiting from Texas with your family. I know you were raised
here, but I'm letting you know, I'm not hooking up and I'm not getting, I'm not doing anything
until I'm married. And I thought he was like, check please. And he's like, I have prayed for
this on my way over here on the plane to meet a girl from Hawaii. And I want to move out here,
blah, blah, blah. So that's how it started. And we've been pure since, and it's very hard because
we're very attracted to each other. And in between, how long, how long ago was that visit?
The last visit I saw him, we got back together in January and I saw him at the,
I flew out there in the end of February, but we've been going back and forth. Like we will
meet at Nashville. So catch me up. Why did your friends ask if you wanted to pray to break the
soul tide? Because they just see me, they just see me struggling with this because of the distance.
And then when I went up to, to Texas in February, the Lord had put it also on my heart to quit
drinking. Like my whole life just changed. I drank when I was with him. Cause I got excited
and I'm like, I'm going to drink. I don't care. Whatever. Here's a margarita with five different
tequilas. I can't, I can't go too far. We can't go too far in the details. Cause I want to get
to. So, um, so I got triggered. When would he consider moving? He's not anymore. We're in a
place where I got triggered. He kind of wants to move. So he doesn't want to move. He wants us
there. He bought the house when we were broken up for two and a half months, he bought the house
that I liked, which was like a lot of there in Texas, in Texas. So now I have to leave Hawaii
to go to Texas. He wanted me to, and that was the whole thing. I'm just stuck on him because
we've kind of rekindled this. And like I said, the last visit I got triggered and I reacted in
a certain way about something. And I, I, he's like in this place of like, I don't know anymore.
And then he, I just found out that he's still friends with his ex-wife and his ex-girlfriend.
And they've been helping him with the Airbnb that I kind of gave him the idea to do.
And he's still celibate. So it's not like he's, you know, and I know that for a fact.
So I, I don't know. I'm kind of in a situation of like,
um, I don't know what to do. I'm trying to date and trying to move on and get on dating sites.
And it's, well, the advice that you need to do sometimes about these people,
like what's the longest you've gone and not talking to him at all?
Two and a half months. And he called after that and just like,
that was in January, beginning of January.
In those two and a half months, did you feel free? Did you feel
sad did you like what were you feeling were you thinking about the whole time
yes I was I didn't date I didn't even try to I what is stopping you from
moving to Texas I think I'm just in a position where I think he's kind of
giving up and is he why is he good now that I found out about his exes I'm like
I don't know I would not love the ex thing at all does he have kids with
either one of them he's ex-wife yes and he's been divorced for seven years he
was gonna be a part of his life because he's right right so and I'm cool with
that I invited her to the wedding everyone's like you're crazy I'm like
she can come well I mean have you guys on any counseling together no we have
not I mean you probably need to consider Simba's or counseling to get
if there's any move you guys have gone back and forth so much you've done it
healthy healthy that my suspicion is you guys need couples counseling which you
can actually do 3,000 miles apart so you're you're you have to make up your
mind and go one way or the other you're either gonna be like hey dude I want to
make this work we're gonna start couples counseling we're gonna do Simba's we're
gonna do something and take a deep dive together and move forward or we're done
like I feel like you can't halfway date him anymore yeah that's where I'm stuck
you're right and so I feel like my friends feel the same way too there's
all my sisters and crying they're like a lot of us we get stuck somewhere in the
middle and we kind of hang on but we don't pivot one way or the other and you
could stay stuck like this for another 10 years girl and we don't want you to
do that so I'm gonna ask you to like for the next like 72 hours just go into a
deep prayer ask other friends to go in prayer ask God to give you confirmation
and sign and if he says go go go and just sit in the tension and go through
all of the grief that comes with that like lament of that otherwise move
forward so that's my advice to you you're at a crossroad take about 72
hours fast pray journal ask for signs ask for people and even ask for people
to be praying for you without even giving them details like hey I'm going
to a time of prayer I have a big decision to make and I would say not
your friends who know the whole story and just say if you feel like the Lord
gives you any verses or word for me in three days please let me know what it is
you don't have to give him the details and because if Lord downloads something
to you and three or four other godly people that you admire give you a verse
they're like I don't know like cuz I you know I'm on the prayer team at my church
and people come up for prayer all the time and sometimes the Holy Spirit takes
over and I'm like I don't know if this what this means but I'm supposed to tell
you that you're supposed to plant a garden and you're supposed to put
Gerber daisies and does that mean anything and they're like oh my god you
don't like it means nothing Wow yeah I think to them so that's my
encouragement to you that'll help you get the confirmation that you're gonna
need in this you're up next thank you that's ready
hello um I'm having problems trying to get back into the dating it's been about
10 years since I've had an actual real date and I've done the online dating and
I'm just not looking forward to it I have with online dates I get ghosted
faster than the milk can go bad in the refrigerator I just do not have guys
that want to stick around and get to know me for more than two weeks and then
they just disappear and I'm pretty good about not telling them all the deep
stuff or getting to it I do tell them you know I'm a Christian I'm not having
sex before marriage okay okay stop right there stop stop stop stop are you
letting them know in the first two weeks that you're not gonna have sex before
marriage yes okay no okay you guys I know this sounds like counter counter to
what we want but Jackie always says the second you put sex on the table sex is
on the table guys like we do not want to start bringing up our sexual like what
we want or don't want in those first two weeks you are getting to know them
like you want guys to like fall for you or get to know you outside the sex talk
because Becca I bet you you are super amazing and fun if you can just get on a
few dates with some guys you want to get to a date like to me I feel like when we
give off information like I'm not gonna have sex
before marriage. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to do this." Where we're actually
doing is trying to give them reasons to not book that date with us. So I want you to consider,
I want you to consider that there's an appropriate time to have the sex conversation. There is.
Absolutely. I can put that off. And before it was more like, I put that in my profile as
I'm a dedicated Christian. So why would they call me for two weeks if they already knew that? That's
the thing that's frustrating. And I'm like, why can't I still get them to talk to me?
And I don't know, have you already put your profile and your photos on phase two for us
to take a look at? I haven't made a profile for dating at all because of that. I'm like,
I haven't done that in two years. You have not tried online dating since leaving the heart work?
No. Okay. Have you watched the online dating video?
Yes. And I, and I'm like, I get it, but putting it into practice at the same time as like...
I get it. As you heard me say on the video, nobody hated online dating more than me. However,
for us to achieve the seven date challenge, I don't know about you. I don't know any single
men. If I knew single men, I think I'm a great catch. I think I'm fun and friendly.
If I could actually meet single men in real life and like make it work, like I wouldn't have,
it'd be fine, but I just wasn't meeting men. So for me to take this dating challenge seriously,
I had to make that one of the things I was willing to do. And you guys, I think I had 16 dates in the
first four months, like live dates. There was three restaurants I rotated. People were just
laughing at me. I'm like, that's me again. And, and so I learned to text you guys. So here's
the thing. If you want to get live dates, do not text more than three or four days.
That's the first thing. Don't text more than three or four days. The minute they start asking
you questions that have to do with your thoughts, feelings, opinions, dreams, hopes, you say,
hey, that's a great question. Not good for texting. I'd be happy to move it to a video date.
I know a lot of you guys want to go to phone dates. I know a lot of you get Google voice
numbers. Other coaches talk about it. I am personally not a fan of switching to a phone
number. Here's why I could, it could also prolong the texting crap. It means that they might call
me when I'm in the shower and I don't have time to talk to them. I want to see them. I want to
make sure that they are who they say they are. Those pictures aren't 15 years too old. Like,
and I want to see their body language, their tone and flexion and body language. I want to see what
other crap they have in their house. You'll learn so much in that first video date. Now,
after that first video date, if we're like gelling and he asks for my number, have at it. He can have
my phone number. I can always block him afterwards, but I don't like going from the app to phone. I
want to see them and I want them to see me because y'all, I've had guys like literally within 15
minutes almost call it and I'm like, okay, well I clearly wasn't his physical type. I thought I
looked exactly like my photos, but bye-bye. So that would be the first thing, Becca, is try to
keep those texts to only three or four days. You want to book that video, then maybe a phone call
and say, hey, you know what? This has been so much fun. I would love to just meet you for coffee.
I would just love to go take a walk downtown. You know, even if it's only for 45 minutes,
because you mentioned you've not been on dates. So I want to help you get to those dates. You're
not trying to get dates to get married. So when you start off in your profile or telling them
in the first two weeks, I want a believer. He needs to go to church. I don't want to have sex
before I got marriage. You guys, those are things you want in your husband. Those aren't things that
you want in those initial dates. Especially if for those of you that have not been out on dates,
we want you to get out on some dates with some seemingly nice guys that you're not going to
have sex with. You're going to be fine. You're going to meet during the day. So now Becca,
if you're still like, look, I don't want to do any online dating. That is fine. I'm personally,
I just broke up with somebody I was planning to get married to. I did the hard thing of breaking
up. I don't have the grace for online dating this summer. I'm super busy. I've got some really big
goals, but I'm making the commitment that I tell all of you guys, if you don't do online dating,
you got to get out there. You got to do something to get out there. So are you willing to like,
there's two different coffee shops I now bring my laptop to. There's a cute little place called
Stable Reserve. It's like bourbon and coffee. It's really cool. And I make sure I look cute
when I go there. I'm going to be, I have a couple of single friends and every week we're going to
be taken in like an art crawl. We're going to, we're going to, a park, a concert series. Like
we're going to be doing stuff to get us out where men might be to go meet people. So Becca,
if you're not willing to go online, I need you.
You get super excited, get a couple of your friends
and start to think about, and every single week,
you need to put yourself in a position
where you can socialize with other people.
And you guys, the best way to socialize with men
is go with your girlfriend and go eat dinner at a bar,
the bar area of a nice restaurant.
So you get seated faster, you can get a nice dinner,
and there's a lot more camaraderie
than you and your girlfriend going off to a table.
Don't do that.
So that's what I'm gonna encourage you to do.
I'm gonna encourage you to find ways
to not have them not select you right away.
Is any of this helping?
Are you like, are you fine?
Yeah, I mean, part of the problem
is a lot of my girlfriends don't live in town anymore.
So I do have one that's coming to visit in a week
and that's actually a great idea.
Well, guess what?
All these coffee shops, that bourbon thing, I go alone.
I take my laptop and I go alone.
Does it suck?
Yes, but I'm making, now that I'm doing it so often,
I don't mind it.
I've even have gone to a restaurant bar by myself
for dinner and you'd be surprised how much people
like are on business trips, people come right after work.
You'd be surprised how much
you're not the only person doing that.
And you know what?
You can find like couples at your church
that you're friends with to say,
hey, would you guys be willing to go this?
Or if you have a girlfriend that's married,
would somebody be willing to go to this?
Or, and then at the very least,
the other thing you can do Becca is,
and you guys, this is for everybody,
especially if you don't wanna get online,
look up your meetup groups in your area
and look up volunteer gigs, Habitat for Humanity,
Serve the Homeless, Meal Collection.
Guys show up for things like that.
They like to get their hands dirty.
So if there's a, look for the, like Nashville,
we have a nonprofit called Hands on Nashville.
And if you sign up any given weekend,
you can go find a volunteer gig to do,
but find out what's going on volunteer wise
in your community.
So go volunteer in a co-ed environment and go join.
You're like, oh my gosh, those same meetup groups
only have like the same ugly five guys.
Well then go try a different meetup group.
Go take swimming lessons.
Go to literally go spend 10 bucks
and go work out at Planet Fitness.
Go to Bass Pro Shop and practice flirting
with all of the men and asking,
go to the hiking store and go just talk to guys
about buying hiking socks.
Go to the golf course and grab some clubs
and go hit a bucket of balls at the driving range.
Like whatever reason you're gonna tell me
why you can't meet people in public,
I'm gonna give you five things that you can try to do
to go meet people.
And you guys in the feed, start encouraging each other.
Hey, Renee mentioned a bunch of things.
What were they?
Or what have you guys done to find people to meet?
Put them in there and start encouraging each other
to try different things.
And you might find that your community has more things.
Like I've done one-on-one coaching calls with people.
There's nothing to do in my town.
I'm like, okay.
So while we're literally on the Zoom call,
I will start Googling and I find like 15 different things
they can do in the next two months in their community.
I'm like, you got so much to do here.
What are you talking about?
You got nothing to do.
So that's my encouragement to you, Becca.
My encouragement to you is consider
how you can go about your day.
Go shopping at the grocery store at a different time.
Pick the grocery store that's right next to like
where the firemen go, the fire stations.
I'm not kidding.
Find out the schedule.
Like I used to go to like,
there's a fireman right there.
You know, like, so start to be creative.
Start to be creative about where you're willing to go.
Change the grocery store, change the coffee shop
and make sure every time you leave the house,
you got on a cute outfit, makeup's on point.
You got some jewelry on and you just smile.
And here's what you guys are gonna stop doing
when you walk in places.
You're gonna stop doing this.
Okay?
So I want you to put your phone away
and actually start paying attention to people,
smiling, letting men open the door.
Here's what you're gonna practice
also being in that divine feminine.
Let men reach for stuff that you maybe could reach.
Let them open the door for you.
Say yes.
When they offer to do something, say yes, yes, yes, yes.
Okay, Tiffany, you're up.
Hi, Renee.
I have not started dating yet.
I'm gonna work on my profile this week.
And my personality is, I'm very confident.
I'm very straightforward.
I work in like a male dominated industry.
I'm an Enneagram eight for reference.
And so I often get that I'm.
intimidating and I get that from women at church and men.
And so can you talk a little bit about how to work on like the softer, slower, divine
feminine side of me?
Okay.
Did you watch the divine feminine video?
I did.
Okay.
So I'm going to be unpacking that a lot next week.
So next week is divine feminine, but I will say this.
So I'm a two, but when twos get all pissed off, we become an eight.
So I'm like the worst version of an eight.
You're at least a good eight.
Like I'm the worst version of it, but I still got the intimidated thing.
And so, but I was, so here's my cheat sheet before next week's teaching on this.
It's even on my, somebody gave me this sticker and it was meant for something else, but I
think it really works in the divine feminine.
It's SLS, slower, lower, softer.
So if you talk slower, you drop your voice and let it go a little bit lower and you soften
your voice.
You can say the same damn thing that you do when you're a boss babe, but it doesn't come
out so strong and intimidating.
See what I did there?
Okay.
Yeah.
I like it.
Slower, softer.
Because when we're badasses, like it's like we get stronger and stronger and our voice
gets louder and we talk faster because like, man, we got it.
And I don't know about you, Tiffany, but like, I mean, I was up in New York City, like
the Donald Trumps of the world do not scare me.
Like I can go head to head with those dudes, but down in the South, like that scares the
shit out of people.
And so like, they don't know what to do with me.
So I really, and I will tell you this though, Tiffany, you will try to attract men that
can handle that a little bit.
Like it is not a surprise that all of the men that I've dated since living in Nashville
all weren't from Nashville.
They all came from Maryland, Chicago, New York.
So people up North don't find me intimidating.
Like I've never heard in New York that I'm direct or intimidating or strong.
No, no.
In fact, I'm a wuss bag up North, but down here, it's a big deal.
And so lower, slower, softer is one thing that I will encourage you to do.
And I've also learned, and I hate doing, I hate telling you to do this, but you don't
have to share all your stuff.
Like so I stopped saying when I was running Hope Clinic, I stopped saying, oh, I'm the
CEO of a company.
I'm like, oh, I'm a director at a company.
You know, I used to run, not I run marathons, you know, like I just would in the beginning
just try to soften or just say a little bit less.
Like show all of your genius cards right away.
Like kind of just kind of hold some of those genius cards in.
We can't help ourselves, but so that's my advice until next week.
Does that help?
Okay.
Yeah, that's great.
Just practice being a little mysterious, I think.
Yes.
And because we are direct, we just think we're like, we just think we're being honest.
And it's, remember what Jackie said at the beginning of the call, if you guys are on
from the beginning of the call, she said if she knew about her ex-husband, I mean,
her husband's ex-wife, she wouldn't have married him.
You guys, that's happened to me a lot.
And I also come from social services, so I'm really good at getting people to vomit their
story right away to me.
It was great for social services.
It was great for donors giving me money right away.
Like I would connect with them.
It's great in ministry.
It's terrible in dating because I learned too much too quickly.
And so I have to really rein in my gift that says to people, I'm safe, you can vomit everything
to me.
Because sometimes I've learned too much information about a guy in the first two weeks.
And I'm like, nah, nah, I can't date you.
Like I just can't, because I can't unknow this and it's too much trauma.
Like I don't have enough good deposits of who you are for me to hear the trauma.
And you guys, and that's why she doesn't want you to share the trauma right away.
You want to be depositing a lot of positive things about you, which kind of goes back
to what Becca was saying about the no sex things.
I want to give him 20 reasons why he can't wait to see me on a date.
I want to give him 20 more reasons why he can't wait to book that second and third and
fourth date.
So by the time that we're talking about no sex, he's already gained 30 gold coins about
me.
And all of a sudden the no sex role isn't seeming as big as it did when he barely even
knew me.
So that's kind of the idea.
Thanks.
You bet, sweetie.
Abi.
Yes.
Can you hear me and see me?
I can.
I can hear you.
Okay.
So I just kind of want to continue, you know, my posts online, just give updates and I also
have some questions about.
my type, my attachment. So the updates is like on Friday, I prayed to God. I'm like,
if this guy is just, the younger guy is just a distraction, would you please?
Oh, yes. I remember. Yeah. He just doesn't show up. And he didn't show up. Like right after I
prayed and he sent a group, like to the group chat, he said, I'm not able to come tonight.
And then I saw him on Sunday though, but I didn't feel anything on Sunday, like immediately. And I
realized it's probably related to how my trauma of like emotional neglect since my childhood.
And my dad became very passive in my teenager years, doesn't show up. And also those years,
I didn't have a lot of male friends. I don't know why. Like I used to run around with the neighborhood
boys and we played together a lot. So yeah, but my question is, I know you guys encourage people
to date in the second stage, but I don't know whether I need more healing from this area.
Well, remember what Jackie said at the beginning of the session tonight, you guys,
there's only so much healing you can do single and not dating. This was like the biggest piece
of advice Jackie gave me like three years ago when I first met her. And I just had this epiphany
because I don't know about y'all, but I always walk into relationships. I feel like, oh my gosh,
I'm so healed. I'm so cured. I'm not going to make any of these mistakes again. And then I start
dating and then poof, I get triggered. And it's like, all this stuff comes up and I'm like, I'm
an utter failure. I can't believe I'm kind of falling for this. And that's when Jackie was like,
no, that's just it. You can only do so much healing single. Some of the healing has to happen
while you're dating. And then it's going to happen when you're in a serious relationship.
And so there were even things in this most recent relationship, you guys,
I was so much stronger and healthier. And I saw, and you know, he had yellow flags. Jackie says,
everyone's got yellow flags and they're either going to turn green or red. And I just knew how
to date healthy this time. I was able to get past my triggers. And then those yellow became like
screaming red flags. And she talks about how her God defended. And you guys, it ain't kidding.
Like part of why we were able to break up was that he revealed truth to me that he really
shouldn't have not like, he really had no reason to tell me the truth, but because he did, I was
like, oh my gosh, I can't believe you're telling me this. Like now I know I was right. And so
what I'll say to you, Abby, is you have to kind of sit in the tension of, but you got to do
something about it. So I would say if you are getting distracted by a younger man, you need
to cut him off. Like, so this is what dating healthy looks like. If somebody is distracting
you, it's kind of back to what Malia was talking about. If somebody is distracting you and you're
stunted and you're not moving forward and you're not making healthy choices, you know better.
So do better. So cut off people, Abby, that are not helping you propel forward. And that's
girlfriends, that's coworkers, that's guys that you're talking to. You've done the hard work.
You don't need people like in that, you don't need like people halfway in your life who are
sometimes giving you crumbs and sometimes sucking the life force out of you. We don't need those
people in our life. We need to put healthy people in our life. Jackie always says something like,
sometimes we have to say no to good to be available for great. So that's my advice.
Then that's the question. Like, it sounds like, okay, I'm not dating and now I'm suggest a date.
Then I'm a little bit confused. Cause well, I'm not, I'm not saying you shouldn't date. I'm just
saying you shouldn't date this guy. Cause there's nothing about that. I know we need to set up
healthy boundary, like a healthy, like standard, like the day, the healthy guys, but not many
healthy guys out there. Right. That's a standard. A lot of people already like filled out. Like
there are people interested in me, but they're not healthy. You know, how do I know they're
healthy enough to date? Well, you don't. And that's what discovery dating is all about. So
that's a very fair question. Abby's asking everybody, you guys, how do you know he's
healthy? And sometimes you do not know on a text and you do not know on a video date. And sometimes
you don't even know in the first date. And sometimes it takes three or four dates before
you can tell what their patterns are. The other thing I can tell you after, you know, almost
getting married to somebody, I can tell you get past 90 days. Anybody can snow you for 90 days.
Anybody can kind of fake pattern and be all good, but get past 90 days. Jackie's even saying these
days.
Like get through all four seasons, like get through hard stuff.
So Abby, you're doing the right thing and you just need to keep dating folks.
Now, if you keep attracting the same kind of guy, the same kind of unhealthy, then bring
it to us so we can talk to you about the pattern you're probably falling yourself into.
Now, if you date it and you found a guy and he's a little bit unhealthy over here and
you move on and then you meet another guy and he's completely different unhealthy, that's
you just kind of figuring it out and recalibrating and so that's okay.
So if you guys are meeting men and you're finding different issues with them, then that's
you learning.
Now, if you're meeting guys that on paper look super healthy and you just can't keep
getting attracted to them and you continue to be attracted to the bad boys, that also
shows area of heart work and that goes back to what Jackie was saying, what's your type
and where did your type come from and is it coming from a godly and healthy place?
So I know it's not easy, but Abby, just keep, just, oh my gosh, Steph, that's so nice of
you to offer to pray for her, that's so sweet of you.
So that's my encouragement to you.
I know it can be discouraging.
So like I said, all the same ideas that I gave Becca, just, you guys, this is all about
getting out there in your divine feminine self.
You guys, I used to go to the store all the time too, I mean, I'm not a hermit, but sometimes
I looked like I was dressed for Walmart, you know, and that was not going to attract a
hot guy or a good guy.
Sometimes I would stare at my phone the whole time when I would go out or I was, I used
to work out at a bougie little Pilates bar studio that only had women.
I ain't going to meet a guy there.
And so I had to really think about adjusting all the things that I do day in and day out
so I could start to raise the potential of talking to people.
Like even when my Mini Cooper is at the shop at BMW, I always talk to the old men that
are waiting for their car to get service because one of those old men might have a son for
me.
One of those old men might have a younger brother for me.
So you just never know.
So that's what I want you to just start practicing, Abby, is just continuing to make new connections.
And that's the thing, like somebody that is the perfect guy for you, you're going to meet
as a friend of a friend.
Or it could be like Caitlin is getting to know Abby here because she's like, oh my gosh,
Abby's so awesome.
You know what?
I went on a date with a guy that I don't think he's for me, but I think he'd be perfect for
Abby.
And that's what we call community matchmaking here.
I hope that helps you a little bit.
I'm just going to encourage you to keep pressing on.
You're doing the right stuff, girl.
Dawn, you're up.
Yes.
Hello, Renee.
So I have like three different guy situations for the discovery to dating.
One guy I met online on the dating app, two guys I met on Upwork, the dating app.
The third guy I had met with, I was going to this different meeting with a praise and
worship band and a lot of other friends of mine.
It was a group community thing.
And lo and behold, they were trying to set me up with a guy that nobody knew that he
was engaged and had a girlfriend.
So this was crazy.
So he actually was talking to me, very friendly and stuff, and was always acting like he was
interested and I had no idea that he was not single.
So when my girlfriend introduced me, she didn't know either.
And so when I had posted in the chat and asked you or Kira about dropping the hanky, well,
we did.
And when I asked him out for coffee or can I get your phone number, he finally admitted
that he was engaged.
I was like, oh my God.
So that one was done.
But at least I had the boldness to ask him.
So that was good practice.
That was very good practice.
So now I have two guys.
I have the Google voice number, but I really like it because it's not with my personal
cell phone.
So when I do put boundaries on it.
So I have two guys.
I've had one guy I had three phone calls with and one video date.
And he was banned from the dating app.
And so that was really God defended.
I guess that shook me up a little because he didn't do anything to me, but some other
woman he was fraudulent with because the dating app emailed me and told me to watch
out for this guy and that he was banned off the app for fraudulent behavior.
And meanwhile, so Don, wrap it up.
What's your question for me, girl?
I'm just going to situation and that's the situation for you to comment on.
Well, this was this was a situation I wanted to tell you about.
Is this like a common thing?
So the dating app, they.
They went ahead and they told me.
Every dating app has good guys, scammers, shitty guys.
All of them.
Okay.
The fact that I think some of them sites are getting better at finding fraudulent people.
Some of them are getting better at you being able to report them.
And so, I mean, that is you being God defended.
You guys, it's happened to me.
I've gone out on dozens and dozens of wonderful dates with guys.
I've gone out on dozens of doozy dates that are hysterical and awful.
And I've had plenty of guys who were scammers.
I just don't keep track of the scammers anymore.
I just kind of laugh at it and just go, God defend it.
So of those three, is there anyone that's a good, viable option?
Yeah.
Here's the third one.
The third one is very good.
So the third guy, I've had two phone calls.
We've texted for like two weeks now.
Hey, you guys, hold on a second, hold on a second.
You guys, can I ask you guys to do a favor?
Please do not ask advice for each other.
I don't want you guys giving each other advice in the chat.
Like I don't, like let me get in there to answer.
I promise I will stay on this call even if I'm the only one left and you have to go to
bed, you can come back and I will read this question out loud.
So if you have to watch it in replay, I will be happy to, like there's this question on
how do you ask a guy if he's a Christian on the first date?
Please let me answer that question.
So you guys try, try not to like start giving each other advice.
Remember, like just, I want you to be really careful and I want us to like, I don't want
to have two conversations going on tonight.
Like what's going on in the chat and what I'm trying to listen to.
So leave your questions in the chat.
If you're not going to wait for me, I will get to every question.
If you need to go to bed, you can leave and I won't be offended, but I will read the question
out loud.
So if you're watching this in replay, you will know what the question was in the chat.
Okay.
Dawn, sorry.
Back to you.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Thank you, Renee.
So this guy is actually local.
So because he's local, I'm thinking we were talking about doing a face-to-face date, which
is going to be awesome.
And I mentioned coffee at Starbucks.
So the question was after I meet him for my face-to-face date.
So I'm planning, like I have a big transition coming up and I'm planning on moving and I'm
actually moving out of the area.
So should I tell this guy when I first meet him on the face-to-face date, because he wants
to see me because I'm local.
How far away are you moving?
Almost two hours.
I wouldn't say anything on the first date, but I would say if you go on a second date,
I would say something.
Okay.
And then let him know, drop the ball that like, if you think you still want to-
And just say on the first date, you're just, because here's the thing, on a first date,
you want to give them a reason to want to travel for you.
And on the first date, it's kind of a hard thing to kind of do.
On the first date, you're only deciding, the only goal you guys have on a first date is
do I want to see them again?
That's your only goal.
Do I want to book a second date with them?
You don't need to decide if they're your type, you're going to get married.
Is he a believer?
You just want to make sure that he's somebody you want to see again.
I've got the best way to get the faith thing out of them, but so I would say not on the
first date, Dawn.
Okay.
Not on the first date with the movie.
And then if he says no for me, drop the hanky because he mentioned about the face-to-face
date, but yet he wants to do another video date.
So I agreed to that and said, oh yeah, we can do another video date.
And you can pull the plug on that too.
You can say, you know what?
I'm willing to do one more video date, but after that, I really want to meet live.
And if that's not good for you, then I'm not going to do a third video date.
I don't usually do more than one video date before I agree to a live date.
Sometimes I've had two video dates just because depending on our schedules and the distance,
like if I'm home in Connecticut for two weeks, sometimes I'll have a couple of video dates
just because I'm not local until I get back home.
But the guy's local.
So then if it's on Messenger, that's considered a video date too.
Because if it's on Facebook, I gave him my Facebook and my Facebook page and everything
because we were on Facebook dating in another app.
Okay, Dawn, I got to go on to the next one.
I got to go on to the next one, but I have a lot of people on here tonight that want
questions.
Okay.
I'm going to, so the faith question, that's a great question.
Somebody asked, how do you ask about their faith?
So here's how I ask about, I found out about faith early on.
Right in the texting stage, here's what I start to do.
I ask, this is the question I ask.
How do you spend your time and what are the things that you like to do or is important
to you that is getting up the most, the majority of your time these days?
What do you like to do or what's important to you that takes up the majority of your
time these days?
I'll go first.
So I even cheat.
I lead the question.
I'll go first.
I love to work out.
I love to have dinner with friends.
I like college sports.
I like community theater.
I'm really involved in my church.
I've got a life group that I love being a part of
and I volunteer for local nonprofits.
How about you?
And then if they answer
and I don't hear anything faith related in there,
don't say anything.
I just note that to myself.
And if I like everything else about him
and we book the video date,
I might ask on a video date,
so, hey, I mentioned that I'm really involved at church.
I go to church on Sunday.
How did you feel hearing about that?
Does faith show up for you
in any part of your life day to day?
So that's how I've asked that question.
Does faith show up for you in your life day to day?
How does faith show up for you in your life day to day?
Because a lot of times guys will put Christian
on their profile,
which could mean absolutely nothing or everything.
And just say, hey,
I noticed that you put Christian on your profile.
Would you mind telling me how faith shows up
for you every day?
Or how does it show up for you in your day to day life?
That's how I ask it.
How does it show up for you in your day to day life?
And again, I don't get into it.
So I'm not asking for their church attendance.
Cause you guys, the last guy that I just dumped,
went to church twice a week.
He was involved in two men's group
and he volunteered on Saturday and Sunday.
So Jackie talks about this all the time.
We have to look for the fruit, not the stuff.
So I don't care if he tells you he's an elder in the church,
he's in a Bible study.
You wanna see the fruit of his behavior
more than what comes out of his mouth.
Okay, Caitlin.
Hi, yeah, so Rene, I was just wanting to know,
so I'm doing a long distance relationship,
but it's getting to know,
just any kind of advice or help around that.
The last time we met up, it was in Florida, I'm in Dallas.
And it was like a five day thing.
And right now he's busy with all, he's in the air force.
So it's like, he's kind of landlocked with the Haiti thing.
So it's a little bit of a, that's hard.
So giving grace there.
So it's more just like texting right now.
But he has said he wants to meet up again,
probably looking like July, I'll be free
probably to go back there.
We haven't communicated that, but if that happens.
But just like any pacing boundaries,
like when we are together,
it's usually like a longer stint of time as well.
And then also like, just like even like,
we're not really FaceTiming in between.
So I'm like, in a way it's like,
you don't feel like you're getting to know,
he's still pursuing, but he is.
Like in the texts he's communicating.
So it's just, it's kind of tough,
but then there's also not like a date.
Does that make sense?
So just any help.
So I've done some long distance dating
and I will say this, the best way
to get a long distance video,
to get the video date booked
is to not be so available by text.
Because if you are texting with him all day, every day,
he's staying in touch with you too much
that he's not missing you enough to book that video date.
So I always try to say to,
and I always say this to guys up front,
local or long distance, I do not like texting.
I find texting to be an appropriate form of communication
to share facts and specifics and to confirm things.
If you wanna know my thoughts or my feelings
or my opinions about anything,
then we're gonna have that conversation by phone
or by video.
That's just how I communicate
because I find too many people
just get into this texting habit.
So I say that right up front,
that that's what my balance is.
And so the second the conversation starts to go in there
and then I start slowing down how often I respond,
or I might say, hey, I'm really busy at the office all day.
I won't be able to text tonight
unless you wanna book a phone call.
I'd be happy to talk for 15 minutes.
And then I'm trying to book the phone call.
If I am trying to date somebody long distance,
I do try to have that conversation really early on.
And I always say, hey, you know what?
I get long distance is hard.
You have to be in it to win it.
And so for me to even commit to keep talking to you,
I would wanna book a video chat,
even if it's just for 30 minutes once a week
or once every other week.
If we can't commit to that,
we're probably not gonna be able to put the time in
that we're gonna need to really get to know each other.
So I kind of set that, I would set that stage early.
Yeah, cause he was saying like, no, he was like, for him,
he was like, the focus is meet up.
when I FaceTime or text you, it's all about meeting up.
So even the texting, honestly, is not even a lot at all.
But when we do that, yeah.
I mean, it just, and this is where you kind of have,
you've got nothing to lose,
but you don't want to make it for a situation
or just like, hey, I'm really enjoying getting to know you
and I really like you.
I just know that long distance dating is hard.
So I feel like for me, for me to still feel in it,
like we got to try to connect for about 45 minutes
to an hour once a week or every 10 days at the most,
at the furthest apart.
If we're not booking that kind of time,
I'm probably gonna start to wane off.
Like it's just not gonna work for me.
Yeah, that's good.
So that's kind of what I would say.
I saw another really good question in here, let's see.
I was on a date Sunday, came to find out he was 31.
How old or is too young?
Jackie always says time and time again,
age is not the issue.
I think it's just about,
are they in the same season of life as you?
So if you are a single mom with kids,
then you picking a 25 year old is probably not gonna work
because he's not in the space to want to hang out
with a single mom with kids and deal with all of that stuff.
I will also tell you this part of the thing that happened
with me and Rick is, you know, I'm going to seminary.
I still have got about 10 more years of my career.
Like I'm about to switch careers again.
Like I've got 10 more solid years and he's like retirement.
And like how we wanted to spend our time
and our tempo was completely different.
So even though there was only a seven, eight year age gap,
our season of lives were completely different.
And so I will say this, if you are talking to a guy
in his twenties and you're late thirties, we mature faster.
You are probably gonna find that you are too mature for him.
He's 31, I don't know how old you are,
but if a guy's low thirties,
I would say early forties about what I have noticed
is gonna be about the best of an age gap
that you can go with.
But Jackie always says, you know,
it's really about season of life.
If you want a man with the three M's, marriage minded,
masculine and mature, if that's not where he is,
then it didn't matter what his age is.
He could be the same age as you.
So that leads to another great question.
I always ask somewhere on the first date,
I just say, hey, no pressure.
I'm just really curious,
where are you at in your dating season?
Where are you at in your dating season?
Are you just starting out?
Are you just trying to get to know folks?
Like, I'm just curious.
Cause the question I don't like when men ask is,
how's it going for you?
Have you met anybody good?
So silly.
How long was your most serious relationship
or when was your last serious relationship?
I think it's okay to find out
when your last serious relationship is,
cause I'm a fan of, did you get any pause?
Did you take time to like assess and learn
and heal a little bit?
So I always think that's important,
but I always do,
I do like to kind of ask people pretty early on.
So, you know, so tell me a little bit about
where you're at in your dating season.
That's kind of intention, where you're at.
If they're like, you know, I'm just, you know what?
I'm just getting over being divorced.
I'm really just here to meet people.
Then, you know, he's not going to be in any rush
for like a serious relationship.
And I'm not saying that's a no,
I'm saying that's just good for you to know.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Like, that's just good information.
The other thing I saw on here,
someone, can you date an ex and others in phase two?
Here's the thing, Jackie always will say,
do not date an ex until there's a significant change
in either one of you.
Going back to an ex when he's not changed
or you've not changed is just gonna get you guys
right back in the same stuff.
So there needs to be clear and obvious healing,
growth, significant change in their life
for you guys to consider an ex.
Okay, oh yes, Tammy, I was up for you, girl.
All right, Tammy, you're next.
What happened was as somebody came and moved,
you moved on my screen.
Are you looking for your-
Sorry, yeah, I'm technically impaired, ladies,
I'll get it, sorry.
It's all good, sweetie.
Okay, Renee, you and I talked at length today
in between my appointments,
and you asked me to kind of talk tonight
and possibly get a little feedback from the ladies,
which I'm willing to do.
First, I wanna explain a few things.
So my profession is a massage therapist.
So when you go online and you disclose that, one of the first questions a lot of times
is, oh, do you give happy endings or, oh, you're every man's dream.
This is not what I want to hear, ladies.
I'm all about health and wellness.
That is not what I practice.
You know, okay, so the first piece of advice I'm going to tell you to do is exactly what
you just said.
You're going to put in your profile or you're going to tell men, however you meet them,
what do you do for a living?
I'm in health and wellness.
Oh, really?
Tell me a little bit more about that.
I'd really not like to talk about my career.
I'm just full in health and wellness, and I'd love to tell you more about that at some
point in the future, but let's just leave it at that for now.
So where'd you go?
I lost you.
Okay.
I don't know.
I'm here.
You did move.
I mean, you're moved.
I don't know how I moved.
I swear to God.
I don't know either.
You keep moving on me.
It's all good.
So that's the first thing I would do.
I totally get it, girl, because look it.
I don't even want to go on a date with you, Tammy, and that's the first thing I thought
of is like, all right, when's Tammy giving me a massage?
I mean, it's like-
It's like, I'm not.
And just say, you know, oh, I just, I'm in health and wellness.
You know, I work at a health and wellness center.
Tell me a little bit more about what you do.
You know what?
I do it all day.
So I'll tell you about it another time and kind of get past that.
All right.
So what's next?
What's the next thing?
So like, okay, I'm traumatized going back to these online dating sites because I've
done them all.
They did not work out well.
And I hang out with a bunch of guy friends and they are wonderful.
They are all like, we get along so well.
We actually just lost one of our friends in our posse and we had his funeral two weeks
ago.
So it's been like awfully quiet because it's not the same.
But that being said, they were all good men.
Most of us-
So why are none of those men your men?
They are significantly older and two of them went through very bad divorces and they don't
ever want to get married again.
And my opinion is I'm not going to be punished for what your ex did to you because I am not
her.
Yep.
Okay.
So here's what I'm going to tell you right away, Tammy, because you're a strong girl
like me and Tiffany, who we talked to earlier, I'm going to give you the same advice.
And I could tell this just by your emails to me and talking like me, you're going to
come, you're going to have to start coming in lower, slower, softer, because you bring
a lot of strong masculine energy in.
And if you've not, I mean, I know you've watched the video, but we really want to make sure
we tone down the strong energy and you guys, it's not just strong energy, it's masculine
energy.
It's like, I got this, I'm in control.
I'm not going to like, even when you made the comment, I'm not going to deal with someone
else's bullshit.
Like I'm not going to pay the price for that.
Like there's a little bit of hardness there when you deliver that statement and that energy
is going to kind of put up a wall.
And so I get it because I feel the same way.
None of us want to have to date a guy and deal with their crap from their ex.
But how we think that and how we deliver that, that is somehow innately the energy we want,
we give up.
And we don't want to give off that, I'm not going to put up with the bullshit energy because
that's just too strong.
And I know you don't want to do online right now.
I will say this, and I said this to you in the emails, I wish, I will say this, don't
get online if you guys don't have the grace for it.
If you're going to get online and you're going to be like, it's all crap, the men are just
scummy, it's going to be all the same BS, blah, blah, blah, then don't get online because
you're going to bring all that negative energy online and you will attract the same crap
again.
Like you have, you can only go online if you're like, you know what?
Like I love it.
Jen, I think Jen just posted on our page today, she was like, oh my gosh, that was the best
video.
It was so light and airy.
You guys, I'm so glad I did online dating in the last few years because I changed completely
the way I show up on a date.
I changed completely how I go from texting to video.
So I know when I meet my person, like I thought I had my person like six months ago, but I
know when I meet my real person, like I will put all that practice to good use.
And so if you are willing to consider online dating as a way to date, not your type, practice
your dating skills, practice discovery dating.
It's really a great way to do it, but if you're going to go in with an icky attitude, then
don't do it at all.
So Tammy, my only concern about you hanging out with these guys that are older than you
is it's not making you available for men who are your age, who are right for you.
And so I want to make sure, just like Becca said, she didn't have a lot of girlfriends.
I'm just going to start to encourage you to start adding at least one or two new activities
to your week that don't include them, that get you in front of new and different people.
Well, I can sum this up in probably two minutes because there's a little bit more to the story.
So you've got less than two minutes, so go.
Okay.
So are you giving me a reason why you can't do what I just said?
Is that what you're, is that what the story is?
No, no, no, no, not at all.
So I did, I do singles meetups in my area.
So there was a man that I met in January at a meetup and we went to a meetup while I was
in phase one and I know that we're not supposed to date in phase one.
And it just kind of ended up that we left where we were with a group of singles meetups,
which my guy friends are in those meetups and they actually got me into the meetups
because they were trying to help me find somebody.
And like I said, they are my security when I didn't want to date.
And I've been through two breakups since my friendships with them.
So they're my security when I don't date.
But moving on, I also spent buku bucks on a dating service and I ended up losing several
thousands of dollars and I just went to court twice for a criminal trial and now I'm filing
a civil complaint.
So yeah, I have my hangups on dating, but on the flip side, I met this nice guy at this
singles meetup and we were out for the second time together during week five when I was
doing phase one and I'm seeing him again on Friday night.
So all is not lost.
I won't do the online thing cause I can pretty much tell if you're a jerk face to face and
it doesn't cost me.
I'm going to stop you.
I'm going to stop you because I hear what you're saying.
So you can take my advice or you can toss it out the window.
Even you telling me this wrap up, I hope, please tell me you are not sharing this information
with this guy on the date.
I do not want you to tell him about your bad dating experiences.
I do not want you to tell him about online dating.
I don't want you to tell him about you taking the dating facility to court.
So just make sure you leave all of that negative stuff off the conversation on your next date.
Is it stuff that you've already shared with him?
We actually have a very good time when we're together and have you heard that kind of information
with him?
But not really because he does everything right.
So I don't want to ruin it.
All right.
Well then here's what I found.
So here's what I find fascinating Tammy though, but I find fascinating is that you've had
a really good connection with a guy and you have a second date with him, but that is not
at all the energy that you're bringing into any of those emails with me or the way you
started tonight.
So I'm just, I'm just, you guys, and we all do this.
So you started a lot with what's wrong, what's crappy, what you're not going to do.
And then you ended it with a, Hey, I might have this really nice guy that all is not
lost.
Yeah.
Like, no girl, I want you to flip the script.
I want you to start sharing from the positive place first.
Hey Renee, I'm going to start with what's going well.
And I'm so excited.
I'm about to have a second date with this guy.
He seems really nice.
Can you help me make sure I keep moving along healthy with him and I don't bring any of
my bad garbage from the past into these conversations.
That's what I really want help with.
Do you know what I'm saying?
That's how I want you to flip the script because that's how I want to help you focus.
Remember we talked about lift the boats up.
That's how I could best use your time.
My time with you is help you have a good positive date Friday to make sure you get some good
ideas, good things to talk about, what not to talk about.
I don't really want to waste your time or anybody's time talking about what we don't
like about online dating and the crap that's out there.
Like we already know all that.
Like, do you know what I'm saying?
So I'm going to encourage you to next week.
So my encouragement to you on this date is to just be positive and uplifting and talk
about your dreams and your hopes.
Talk about the things that you've accomplished that you're proud of.
Talk about the things that you enjoy watching on TV, in the movies, the things that you
like that you read.
Like start to pay attention to Tammy, what comes out of your mouth in your everyday speech
with the people that you're in relationship with.
Are you bringing up like the positive, the good?
Like where's your focus and your energy?
Because that's the energy you're going to bring in all of your relationships.
So that's my encouragement to you.
I'm super excited.
So next week at check-in, I want to hear how the date went.
And I'm super excited for you.
This is date number three.
It's going to be date number three.
And ladies, if you all have the singles meetups in your states, I strongly encourage them
because they're face-to-face entertainment, you know, getting to mingle with other singles
and they're great.
I just think that's a much better way.
Well, Tammy, we have a lot of people who get married by somebody they met online.
You know, that's how Bethany and Brian met.
And so there are a hundred ways that people are going to meet their person.
And so we want to encourage all of the ways to get those practice dates going.
Janice, you're up.
Sorry.
You bet.
You bet, sweetie.
Hi.
Thank you so much.
And I want to have the right mindset in this dating.
So I had an experience recently.
And please tell me what I did wrong so I can correct.
So I'm going to say late February, I met this guy at a gathering because where I live, we
do gatherings of single people anywhere from late 30s to I'm going to say late 40s.
So I met this guy and he seems really nice.
Like I feel as if I, you know, he seems really like down to earth.
And so I seen him at my church too.
So he was visiting and then I'd see him at different gatherings.
And then like around March, we planned on doing like an event together and we really
connected with that.
And we were able to see each other's gift things.
And the thing that I really liked about him was that he honored me in front of everybody.
And also he honored everyone equally, which rarely happened to me.
And then after that, I see him at different gatherings again, we would say hi, he would
give me a side hug, you know, but we don't really like talk deep.
So it's just a hi, hello.
And then at another gathering, we were part of this setup team.
And when he came, he told everybody how amazing I was to everyone, like several times, about
three times or five, I think.
And then I just said, thank you, you know, and then he did the MC.
Can you back up real quick, because I may have missed this.
How long have you been talking to this person?
So I was talking to him from, I'm going to say late February up to late April.
So okay, so I was on his radar.
So this is not somebody you're currently talking to anymore?
No, no, no, no, because I want to, I want to learn from what
Gotcha.
Okay.
So you talked to him about three months, how many?
How often were you seeing each other?
Yeah.
How often were you seeing each other in person?
Okay, so I'm gonna say every, every two weeks on the first two months, and then the last
month, probably every week.
But we just texted each other based on like the event we were doing, basically, that's
it.
No, nothing personal.
And so actually, on the last sorry, were you guys actually dating?
Or were you just friends that getting to know level one, level one, okay, so it was
level one ish level two, was were there any ever dates?
Right?
No, no, no.
So okay, so you know, I'm gonna tell you what happened, you tell me.
Okay, so basically, it was a level one, you were hoping would could become more.
He said all this great things to you.
Did you ever drop the hanky with him?
So what I did after he was
um praising me to everyone was I went over to him and I said hey how can I support you and and and
before you come before you do the emceeing and can I pray for you as well and so I think he
really appreciated that that yeah but that's not dropping the following day that's not dropping
the hanky did you ever drop the hanky that was just being nice I mean if you guys are okay if
you guys if you guys are doing ministry together then you guys are like buds pals doing ministry
together did you ever reach out to him to say hey I've really enjoyed getting to know you or
you getting to know me would you be interested in going out for coffee sometime just the two of us
did you ever do that no I didn't because okay so I kind of did but what happened was what happened
was after he was praising me at that last event he showed up at my church and it really freaked
me out because I'd not seen him in my church for a while so it really freaked me out that
um I think I heard um this is all you're doing and I was like I thought it meant like I did
everything but which I didn't you know and and he showed up right in front of my face
but you're still not sure like this like this like something
didn't want to do what God didn't want me to do okay so let me ask you let me ask you this real
quick so that was April it's now June have you seen or talked to him since April no so what
happened because I was so scared my countenance changed right in front of him and we couldn't
we couldn't talk to each other even though he said hey thank you so much for praying for me
and he saw my countenance change and then his countenance changed and then I stepped out
and then some other guy wanted to talk to me and I said oh see you guys later and and so I I went
and he was even he even went to our newcomers luncheon and after that I didn't talk to him
for like a week I texted him and I said I'm sorry that I wasn't fully present while we were chatting
and he said oh no worries but what happened was after the no worries he seemed to have retreated
way back like completely he's not doing Facebook and then he completely decided he wasn't gonna
come to our church prayers anymore and then so then after another week I texted him and I said
hey would you like to go to coffee today I just want to share something and he did not respond
like no response until now and he stopped coming to our gatherings too okay so Janine I'm so glad
you shared that because so here's my summary to you and this is good for everybody you can't halfway
drop a hanky with somebody you kind of have to really drop the hanky so unfortunately you did
but even when you said to him would you like to have coffee I have something to tell you right
that's what you said that's like kind of a I have something to share I have something to share that's
really scary you guys like he doesn't know are you gonna tell me I screwed up I'm a jerk I have
something good to share no do not like men are simple we got to dumb it down for him it's like
it's got to be it's got to be so simple a fifth grader can understand it and so you're gonna say
the next time you want to go out with somebody you're gonna say like hey Joel I know we always
see each other in these large group settings would you be open to having coffee and us getting
to know each other one-on-one a little bit if not please do not worry about it no big deal I
would just love to get to know you kind of away from everybody else is that something you'd be
open to boom it is clear it is specific and if he says no no harm no foul um okay so that's my
advice to the next time and and I'm gonna pray that you don't freak out the next time that
somebody shows up that you can just calm your jets take a few deep breaths and just sit in the moment
all right okay so oh I'm sorry are you not done sorry one last thing what happens if I see him
around um do you want to do you want to give him do you want him to give you another chance
absolutely okay so then you're gonna never saw any red black right so then you just need to be
super brave and super black like they say hey I know it kind of got weird the last few times that
we talked I just want you to know I'm just going to put this out there if you ever want to have
coffee one day and get to know each other
know me one-on-one, I'd love to do that.
If not, it is okay.
That's it.
That's what you gotta say.
Okay, great.
Okay, thank you.
All right, Christine, you're up.
Hi, everybody.
Hello, now remind me how long have you been in phase two
with us here?
I feel like forever.
It's been at least 10 weeks now.
Oh my God, you need to, I love you,
but you do need to go on to phase three.
By the way, Tammy was not private emailing me, you guys.
She was emailing into the main admin at JackieDorman.com.
I just happened to be the one that responded.
It's either gonna be me, Cheryl, or Reagan
that responds to the emails.
And that admin email's not supposed to be advice
giving back and forth.
It's just, Tammy kept asking me questions
and I kept answering them.
All right, go ahead, girl.
So I love you, but we're gonna graduate you after this.
Sounds good.
So, good news.
After eight weeks of dating a guy,
I decided to make it official.
I think that the last time I was here,
I mentioned to you that he asked me to be official,
but I was so afraid of his financial situation.
Yes, and I wanna know,
because was he living at home?
He wasn't living at home.
He lives with a roommate.
That's right, okay.
Yeah.
So tell us how you, this is great,
because you had a lot of green flags about this guy.
You were worried about his financial position,
especially because you're doing well.
Yeah.
It can happen a lot when we're doing well.
Jackie was actually in a much stronger financial position
than David was when she met him.
And so this is a real thing.
So how did you, tell us how you got over worrying about that?
Because I know that was a concern for you.
I think Jackie's comment,
I think two weeks ago she spoke about the same thing,
like getting out of your own way.
What are some hard stuff that are for you,
that are your hard stops,
or what are God stops for you?
I think in some shape or form,
she was saying something like that.
And I realized that that was my thing.
I wanted a guy who was financially secure and stable.
I also spoke to a few very close friends about it.
And they were just like,
what makes you think that he wouldn't take care of you
if he needed to?
What makes you think that he wouldn't get a second job
if he had to?
Is he giving you any signs that he's lazy?
I'm like, no, he's not.
So I decided, okay, let me get out of my own way
and say yes to this guy.
I love it.
Does he know that you had that much of an issue with it,
or was it more like internally you were hanging in?
I made him know that I had an issue with it.
We did talk about him going back to school.
However, I didn't really try to pressure him too much,
or say, I can't be with you because of this,
or this is a hard note for me.
We continued to talk.
I expressed how I felt about it.
And then a little later we addressed it again.
And I told him like, hey, this was my only issue,
but I do want to trust God with you
and I'm going to go all in.
I love it.
I'm so excited for you.
Now I get to see all the posts in phase three.
So I will be reading your updates
and I help teach the path classes too.
Oh, great.
In fact, I'm teaching about that so soon, another class.
So I'm so excited for you guys.
You guys, what a great example.
And do you feel peace about it?
I do feel peace about it, but I know that internal me.
So I know my old self and I know where I'm supposed to be
or what I'm supposed to be feeling.
So I feel like I've got this different kind of peace.
Although it's still unsettling.
You know, well, it's unsettling
because it's new for you.
It's different.
You're doing something new and different.
So it's uncomfortable.
It's like, you know, I'm in seminary now and I love it.
And I'm scared to death all at the same time
because it's completely new.
It's a completely different way to read the Bible.
It's not like people think, oh, seminary is just like,
you know, Bible study on crack.
It's really not.
It's nothing at all like it.
It's so hard.
And I'm a really good writer
and the writing style is completely different.
And so you are dating differently.
You're in relationship differently.
And so it's gonna feel clunky and hard.
That's why you need to be in phase three
because as you go to this more exclusive relationship
and the next level relationship,
you're gonna need some of those teachings
that are over there.
You guys, let me say something about the attachment videos.
I swore they used to be in Love Story Accelerator
and the portal and in the replays.
And I did not find them there.
I will find out where the attachment style videos are.
There's three teachings.
And I will post about it in the Facebook group
and I will bring it up again next week.
So I will find.
out where the heck the attachment videos went.
I know they're in phase three,
but I know we wanted you guys to have access to them sooner.
So I will figure out where the heck they went
and get them back in the portal
because that will be the easiest thing for you to do
because it has an assessment for you to take
and then three videos to watch.
They may have moved them to phase three.
I will check with Jackie and Bethany about that
and I will make sure I will tell you where they are.
Well, Ghislaine, I'm so excited for you.
And here's the thing,
no matter what you do with this relationship
and no matter where it goes,
you are gonna learn so much by pressing it.
And so that's my encouragement to you.
Like, I definitely feel like,
and I think you have been with me
the entire time I was dating Rick, you know?
And so I'm so glad I pressed in.
There was definitely some, you know,
yellow flags I knew right away,
but I will say this, he had a real chance.
God gave him a chance in me
for him to push through his yellow flags.
God allowed some situations to come up
where he could have done it differently with me
because I was the first healthy,
whole, godly woman in his life.
And it was a perfect opportunity to God saying,
I'm gonna let you do it different this time.
Now, he chose to not do that.
And so what I love is that God has given you a chance
to do it differently.
And so whether this person's gonna be your person or not,
you're gonna grow and learn so much from this.
And I promise you, no matter what,
I don't regret my relationship,
I don't regret what I did,
and I don't regret what I learned.
And I'm thankful that I had enough health,
you know, that I knew it was healthy for me.
So I'm just gonna encourage you
no matter what happens in this relationship,
God's got you and he will bless and honor this season
because of your obedience.
And it's gonna feel uncomfortable and awkward.
And that's that whole hurt in relationship,
healed in relationship.
And I'm so excited for you.
Thank you.
Thank you, Renee.
Okay.
It's Aneesha, right?
Is that how you say your name, Aneesha?
Aneesha, you are last for the night
and then we are gonna close it.
I'm gone way over, but I just wanted to help you all tonight.
So Aneesha, you are up.
Yeah, it's Aneesha.
And I think that, I hope you can hear me.
Please tell me you can hear me.
Yep.
Awesome, I still watch MacBook
and it's like totally fried right now.
So one preface thing,
I know I made a lot of wrong mistakes
with this relationship situation ship right off the back
and probably feel like I'm gonna throw up by being vulnerable
but so in phase one, I had a gentleman message me
and it seemed very like we were very much in alignment
sort of, but I had already upfront told him,
hey, like I'm like, can we circle back to him?
And he also wanted in his first message said,
hey, I just wanted to message you
because I saw we're both local in the same area
but I am in a single season.
And I was like, okay, cool.
And I made the mistake that I was like super gung-ho
for Jackie's program.
And I'd be like, well, Jackie,
I'm in this Jackie Dorman program
and she says healed in marriage.
Oh, when you're like, I was like, okay,
that was probably my first time that I did poorly.
And he came back the next day.
He was like, I really liked your advice.
Basically, I really wanna take you out actually.
And I was like, okay, cool.
When this April 1st comes around, we could do that.
Came back three days later was like, I can't,
I'm just, my heart isn't there.
So long story short, he played this back and forth,
back and forth, like, I really wanna meet you.
I can't, I really want to meet you, can't.
And that triggered my wounds of rejection
and then pull me in, pull me out, pull me in.
And we definitely had like four or five hour
FaceTime dates too, where we talked and we shared
and we overshared and I built an intimacy
and this is exactly why you guys,
we say one hour on a video date
because there's no way you can stay on five hours
and not overshare, it's impossible.
Yeah, so all the lessons I learned.
And so recently I have made the conversation with him
because I said, hey, this is triggering a lot in me
and it's not, I can't show it my best self
until you kind of like choose what you wanna do.
Knowing full well, I can make the decision too.
But I said, think about it because I don't like the fact
that you were not dating and you can't date
but at the same time, I feel anxious
and feel like I wanna talk to you.
Like, I feel like you should wanna talk to me
and things like that.
And I said, take some time, think about it,
I'll think about it.
He had a conversation, he did not like confrontation
at all, I learned either.
And basically he came back and was like,
I don't think we're a good fit,
I think you're a great girl for somebody else.
And I think this was bred out of the conversation
but my biggest thing, I responded very diplomatically
because honestly, I'm just kind of like over it too.
be a really good fit on paper, like really good fit on paper.
I'll share a lot of the same things.
I was like, man, like, I'm a, I'm a country girl.
I love to be outside.
We're both financially free.
Like all the things, it's very hard that I want in somebody.
Um, but I don't think that he got to see the best of me.
So let me say, let me ask you a couple of quick clarifying questions.
How many live dates did you guys have in-person dates?
We had no in-person dates.
Okay.
So you are the perfect example of what happens to us.
And I've been there too.
When we create a lot of digital intimacy, we have phone calls, video dates and FaceTime
where we just vomit our story and we just feel this connection.
And then it just doesn't turn into anything.
So this is why this is not about you, girl.
He is not, he's not the three Ms.
He's not masculine, marriage minded, immature.
He's not.
So this is not you not being good enough.
You not showcasing your best stuff.
This is not even, it really shouldn't even be about you getting triggered.
Although I get why you were triggered.
This is really him not being a good option from the get go.
Cause he told you like he's in a single phase.
The second he said he's in a single phase, believe him.
When a guy tells you that they're not ready for a relationship, believe them.
Believe them.
And so, but you're given the good example of, we always say, keep those phone calls,
those video dates, hour, hour and a half tops.
Get that live date as fast as possible because you want to see if it's the real thing.
And so I'm glad, honestly, like if he wasn't going to, if he's not going to, oh, and another
thing, a mature, masculine, marriage minded, healthy person will do is his behavior will
be consistent.
So the second you said, push, pull, push, pull, that already tells me he's on in a healthy
place.
So I'm actually glad he did not get to see your best side yet because you're amazing
and you deserve a guy that's going to pursue you consistently.
He's going to want to meet you in person.
He's going to want to go at a pace that's healthy and he's going to want to unpack you,
like unpack the beautifulness that's you.
And so in a way, I'm glad that God shielded your amazingness from this guy if he wasn't
your guy.
And you guys, that's the part about being God defended now, you don't have to be self
defended anymore.
So God's going to protect you and cover you where you fumble.
Because you know, he said, oh my gosh, I probably already made five mistakes already.
It's okay.
You can make those mistakes because God's got your girl.
He's got you.
He's got you and he's not going to let you mess up.
And you know, like even with my situation, I might've missed a sign or two, but God's
like, okay, Renee, you missed the last two, you bozo.
So I'm going to send you this one that's so obvious you can't help but miss it.
And so I'm just going to encourage you to not believe the lie that you are less than
that.
Like I said, and you know what's really funny?
You mentioned that you got triggered.
I'm going to argue because I said this in my last relationship too.
I was like, oh my gosh, I kept getting triggered.
Now I'm going, no, no, no.
That was not unhealthy, Renee, getting triggered.
That was Holy Spirit living inside me, getting triggered.
And I knew that it was not good for me.
So that's what I'm actually going to believe for you, that what you thought was triggering
to make you feel bad was the Holy Spirit sometimes screaming at you to see the truth.
Yeah. And if I could add one additional thing, Renee.
One of the things when I brought it up, because originally we were like, we're going to wait
until you're out of this single season.
He said his pastor's encouraged, because he's a pastor, he's in seminary right now too.
And he had encouraged him like, take six months so you can get space in between you
and his sexual lust issues that he was dealing with.
And cool, take six months.
That's very noble of you.
And my expression to him and what made him very angry with me is because I said, I want
to believe if you were able to pursue me fully that you would be showing up differently.
But the way you show up now isn't helping me be my best self.
And he got really pissed because he's like, I'm not pursuing you right now.
So how could you say that?
I was like, no, that's exactly what I'm saying.
You're not pursuing me right now.
So like, I'm so glad.
Okay, girl, girl, that's a red.
That's a.
Yeah, that's a very yellow flag right there
because the fact that he was spending five hours
on the phone with you is a form of push pull.
It is a pull you in.
You do not spend, you guys hear that?
Like he just totally gas lit her.
Like he got, that's a gas lighting move.
Like, what are you talking about?
I'm not pursuing you.
Oh really?
He knew exactly what he was doing.
He's reeling you in just a little bit.
Now he might be like going,
well, I had no intention of ever pursuing you
or dating you.
Okay, then why was he spending five hours
on the phone with you then?
Because he liked me, because he liked me.
Ah.
Because he liked me.
Right.
He likes you, but not enough to pursue you right now.
And if he was a godly man,
he would have known he was leading you on.
If he was a mature, masculine,
because here's what a mature,
masculine marriage minded guy would have said.
If you said to him, you're not pursuing me,
da da da, here's what a mature guy would have said.
Oh my gosh, Anisha, I am so sorry.
I feel like I've been misleading you all this time.
I've just really enjoyed your friendship.
I thought I was really clear that with seminary going on,
I'm not really in a dating season right now.
I just really enjoyed your company.
I am so sorry if I made you feel
like you were in a push-pull.
Do you realize how he could, you know what I'm saying?
He could have said the same thing honorably.
Cause that's what you would do.
No, he didn't, he had to say it.
Say it again.
But he did eventually say that in a long text message
to break it off.
And he'd say like, it was just be like,
it would one minute he'd be like,
I don't want to pursue you.
So we should break off contact.
But then I, we would, or he'd like my pictures
or I would reach out to him.
Cause I'm like, well, what are we going to do?
Cause you're saying we're going to eventually meet
maybe this summer, maybe in a couple months, this, that.
And so he did in some ways.
And I feel like I pushed him to want to talk to me more.
Cause I did want to talk to him.
And that's the part you can own
because we're going to drop the hanky once
and then we don't drop it again.
So if we drop a hanky and we let a guy know
that we're interested in talking to him
and he doesn't pursue us,
we're not going to keep pursuing him.
All right, you guys, it's 9 12, my time.
And it's like 10 12, if you're on the Eastern time zone.
So I'm so glad you shared that.
I'm going to be praying for you.
Lots of good lessons that you learned in it.
I'm really, I'm sad that you're disappointed,
but I promise you,
your person's going to pursue you consistently
and he's going to be all in cause you're amazing.
Father God, thank you so much for these women tonight.
I ask that you just give them sweet sleep tonight.
Father God, give them that every morning that they wake up,
give them fresh excitement for this season.
Father God, that if they go to bed weary and discouraged,
that they leave it in sleep
and that they wake up hopeful and renewed.
We just lift all of this up
in the mighty precious name of Jesus.
Amen.
You guys, it was so fun being with you tonight.
See you next time.