All right, we have a little, a little, a little crew tonight and that's fine.
We're going to go over a couple different things.
Some of you phase one, some of you phase two.
I know that Joshua has been asking about the Jesus Cares Board.
David, is it possible that Joshua has different materials in his portal than the other guys
have?
Is he on Podia?
Is he in Kajabi?
Because there's definitely, in the week one materials of heartwork, there is a video that
I do on the Jesus Cares Board and he can't seem to find that video.
All right, let me, let me double check on that while you're doing some.
All right.
So he's going to check that out for you, Joshua, and we're going to find out.
All right.
So before we do anything, let's look to the Lord, Father God, we thank you.
We thank you that you have brought your sons here to learn, to become a more emotionally,
physically, mentally, spiritually available to everything that you want to do in their
lives.
We ask that you would speak to us and through us as we coach them tonight, that their hearts
and minds and spirits would be open to receive and that they would get massive breakthrough.
We ask for the revelation of heaven in Jesus name.
Amen.
So guys, I really want to talk to you for just a couple minutes about a concept in the
heart work.
But then going forward into phase two, this is going to be very important as well.
And that's the concept of soul ties.
Now soul ties are something that a lot of people either didn't believe in, maybe don't
have a lot of theology for, and then of course, have all different viewpoints on what that
is.
And for me, all that it is, is that you are a spirit that lives in a body that possesses
a soul.
Okay.
And oftentimes in the word of God, the word soul is interchangeable with mind, will, emotions
and heart.
So when that word pops up in our English language, a lot of times it's interchangeable in the
original Hebrew or Greek with the same word that is, that pops up as mind or will or emotions
or heart.
So for the purpose of this coaching right now, let's lump them all together.
So your soul part is the epicenter of your mind, will, and emotions.
Should have learned that in heart work, right?
I write about that in the materials and it also is your heart part.
Okay.
When we figuratively, when we talk about heart, not our literal hearts beating in our chest,
but our figurative hearts.
Okay.
And that is that place that stores all the information.
We don't store information in our mind.
You know, we think, oh, memory, we store information in our mind.
No, we still, we store information in this unseen place inside of us called the soul.
That is where your information is stored.
And this explains why you can have total recall for something that happened when you were
five years old, but you do not remember anything else from that year of your life or maybe
even the next year or the next year.
Why do you remember that thing that happened?
Right?
It's not about your mind.
It's not about your memory.
It's about an imprint that was left in your soul by either something that was on the spectrum
of emotion, either highly joyful or highly tragic.
When we're in trauma situations and also when we're in extremely ecstatic, elated situations,
our soul takes a picture, it's a snapshot.
And oftentimes what will trigger, you know how people talk about triggers and triggers
has become a catchphrase.
People talk about triggers all the time now.
And what the trigger is, is that at that moment in time, even though you didn't know this
was happening, your senses actually were part of that memory that was made, that soul imprint
that was made.
Your senses got involved in that, how you felt in that moment, what smells you were
smelling at that moment, what you were seeing in that moment.
And that is why as we go through our lives, there will be things, and we call them triggers,
that remind you and bring you back to that place.
Whether it was a really great place or whether it was a really terrible place.
You know that we all, you can see that we don't really remember the mediocre days, right?
There's 365 days in a year and you only remember August 7th, 1990, for some reason, right?
You don't remember the rest of that year of your life, but you remember that.
And so we get, because our soul is so involved in these things, sometimes our soul gets stuck
there or it gets tied there, it gets tethered there.
You guys following me?
So soul ties, a lot of people...
will teach soul ties and they'll teach it
from a place of sexuality.
And obviously, sexuality, whether it was abuse
or whether it was misuse of your sexuality,
a lot of us misuse our sexuality with porn
and with other things, fornication,
different things that are unworthy
of the gift of our sexuality.
And it does make an imprint on us, for sure it does.
Why?
Because the senses are very heightened
in that moment, right?
It's a moment of a lot of stuff that's going on there.
And so, yeah, you can have sexual soul ties,
but it's not just sexual.
Once again, your soul can be tethered
in places and spaces and at times
where things have happened.
And we want to be set free from those places
because we don't always want to be triggered,
whether to the negative.
And we also don't wanna compare everything
as going forward to something that happened in the past.
Okay, we don't wanna have, you know,
that high school quarterback phenomena
where maybe you had a really great childhood,
a really great adolescence.
Maybe you were really hitting on all cylinders
in high school, and you have a lot of soul imprints
from that time in your life.
And now everything, by comparison, is dull.
Maybe you liked somebody,
and you even had a relationship with someone,
and it didn't work out for whatever reason.
And now you can't get over that or past that,
or perhaps you compare everyone to that.
And everyone, once again, is dulled by comparison.
We don't wanna live that way, do we?
So in order to not live that way,
we have to recognize these soul ties,
these tethers in our soul.
And sometimes, you know,
if they're traumatic and tragic in nature,
we can only be set free from them by forgiveness.
And that is that forgiveness part of the heart work.
Some of you may have not gotten to that place yet.
I think all of you probably have.
But that's why it's so important to do those templates,
those forgiveness templates,
because what you're doing is you're setting yourself free
from those triggers, right?
You're releasing that other person
from their bad behavior in those instances,
and you're also setting yourself free
from being stuck there.
And maybe you're the villain of the story, okay?
All of us are capable of doing, you know,
pretty desperate things, unworthy things, all of us.
We're all sinners saved by grace.
And so it's important that we understand
that that confession part of heart work
is where we confess and we get set free.
Sometimes God will have you circle back around
and actually apologize,
or maybe even make reparations
or amend your behavior with someone.
But most times, it's just between you and God.
So I wanted to open the floor
for some questions about soul ties.
One way to find soul ties is that you, you know,
you just never have,
you've never thrived after a certain point of your life.
That's how you find a soul tie.
You've never had a better relationship
than this one that ended.
You know, every relationship since then
has been lackluster,
or perhaps you've only had bad relationships
after one bad relationship.
You've only had bad relationships or, you know,
anything like that when it's concerning relationships.
And then any areas of your life that you really avoid,
you procrastinate in, those could have soul ties.
Any area where you're reluctant to make a commitment,
whether it's to community or to a job,
you can actually be soul tied to an idea.
It's important that I just kind of
laid this all out for you guys.
You could be soul tied to a dream,
to an idea, to an ideal.
And then nothing else ever measures up to it.
It doesn't mean that you ever even had that thing,
but because you want that thing
and you want it to look just like
what you imagine it to look like,
you can actually get soul tied to an idea.
And then everything else in the real world,
in real time that, you know, is available to you,
you don't even notice it or you overlook it
because you're constantly looking for that.
And that really doesn't just have to do with romance.
That definitely has to do with friendships, communities.
Case in point, David had a very traumatic experience
at a megachurch.
It wasn't all traumatic.
And that's the thing about traumatic experiences.
It's very rarely all traumatic.
There's some good times mixed in with the bad, right?
And so he was there for 15 years.
He was on staff for 15 years.
He was there for 27 years of his life.
When I met him, he was at the tail end of that experience.
He was only gonna be there for two more years
after I met him.
He didn't know that, I didn't know that,
but God knew that.
move on from, you know, unfortunately, no one sets out to spiritually abuse another. I don't believe
that that happens. But there was a lot of things happening under the guise of church that were very
oppressive and repressive, and that were holding him back from moving forward in his life in some
areas. Okay. But as a result of that, he has never really joined community since then. And that's
been, I don't know, we've been out of that church for 15 years now. Okay, same with me, my pastor
went to prison. And before I met David, my pastor was indicted, and he was convicted on like 23
felonies, and he went to prison. And so I met David not having a church because my pastor went to
prison. And it was fresh, it had just happened. And then he was on the tail end of his, you know,
oppressive experience with megachurch. And so guess who, guess what couple was not winning
the award for serving in a new church? Probably us, right? And that's because we could never
really see clearly to commit once again, to a community. Why? Because of trauma and because of
soul tie. Does that make sense to everyone? Okay. All right. So I'm going to open the floor
for some questions about soul ties now, what they are, what they aren't, maybe a situation or
scenario that you need to see past. We have a, I don't know if he's going to come tonight. Is he
here tonight? We have a couple people in our in our community, couple guys that are navigating
relationships and trying to figure out whether or not, you know, this could be a relationship
that can go forward into marriage. But then we have breakups. You guys, this is why breakups
very often rebound. Okay. Especially, I want to say this because you guys need to hear it,
especially if it's the man that broke up and not the woman.
Oftentimes, if a man is the one that broke up, it will rebound.
And you might be like, why, Jackie? Because when a woman is done with you, she's done with you.
Okay. But if you break up with a woman and she's not done with the relationship, she still feels
like she's in love with you at some level. You know, she's going to take you back if you try to
come back most often. But if it's a woman that's doing the breaking up, she already got someone
else. She done with you. Okay. She's already grabbed ahold of another bumper on a car.
She's gone. Okay. You need to know this about women because it is 99% true.
Okay. I would open the floor now. I have my camera off because I had a procedure on my face today
and I look like Freddy Krueger. So that's it. Go ahead.
My wife is gorgeous. Baby, you're beautiful today. Every day.
It's all right. Half of us always look like Freddy Krueger. So you're in good company.
There you go. All right. What do we got, guys?
I really resonate with the finding community at church part that you guys were talking about.
How would you go about finding that community again then?
Is my mic okay? Yeah. No. I was muted and I couldn't get unmuted there for a second.
First of all, you have to remember that we're never stuck on the outside.
We're always stuck on the inside. Always, you guys. Always means always. I want you
to write that down. I want you to refer back to that when you feel like anything external is
stopping you. If you ever believe that something external is stopping you, the money, the amount
of money you have in the bank account, your age, someone who's opposing you, another human being
that's opposing you, even if there are opposition forces working through that human being, we're
never, ever stuck on the outside. Nothing can stop us on the outside unless we are tethered on the
inside. Case in point, my former husband, he used to, after we were divorced, he used to call me
because we had shared custody of a small child. She was only six years old. And so we're going
to have many years of phone calls and logistical, you know, shared parenting things. And he would
call me on the phone and he would berate me, which is why I wasn't married to him in the first place.
So instead of escaping that type of mental and emotional and verbal abuse, I was getting a,
you know, a dose of it every single week. And I would get off the phone and I would just be
devastated by the things that he said about, well, you didn't do this and you should have done that
and you don't do that and you do do this and all the things.
And I would just feel paralyzed, okay,
because verbal abuse was something
that happened all through my childhood,
whether it was with my parents
or foster parents or whoever.
And so it was like in a kryptonite for me.
And so one day, I'll never forget,
I got off the phone and I just kind of disintegrated
into tears and into an emotional upheaval
of this situation and these moments.
And God spoke to me and he said,
you know, Jackie, is what he said true?
You know, stop getting emotional, you know, for a minute.
Is what he said to you just now, is any of it true?
And I thought about it and I thought about
the different things that he had said to me
and just being objective and being honest with myself,
no, it actually was objectively not true, okay?
It was very exaggerated at best
and it was completely a lie at worst.
And so I said, no, God, it's not true.
And then he said something to me that changed my life.
And this is where only stuck on the inside
and not the outside comes from.
He said, then why do you believe it?
Okay, then why do you believe it?
So what he showed me that day was that
I felt like I was stuck by having an abusive former husband,
now I had a co-parent with him,
I was never gonna be able to escape,
you know, all of this stuff.
But what I realized is, is that something inside of me
was coming into agreement, some trauma from childhood,
where other people's narrative about me
had become my truth.
And now this person was just vocalizing that to me
and inside, it was shutting me down
because I was in agreement with it, okay?
And so in James' case, when it comes to finding community,
we have to get honest about why we're not in community.
What do we believe about community?
You know, what do we believe about ourselves in community
or the value of community?
What do we believe about the leadership of community?
Not just specific leadership, any leadership.
And when we start getting down to those,
we start asking those questions,
we'll start getting down to those groups
and we'll start seeing why there's a fence
keeping us out of community.
Does that make sense?
Yes, it makes sense.
Yeah, as you were sharing, I was thinking about
maybe different reasons why I'm not in community
or my views on leadership.
Yeah, something for me to think about.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
And then when you guys,
when we get down to those brass tacks, to those truths,
then we can confront those, just like God said to me,
God said to me, this thing that I'm believing,
this thing that I'm unconsciously thinking, is it true?
Why do I believe it?
Where does it come from?
What's it rooted in?
What experience brought it into being?
And then we can come out of agreement.
And I promise you, if you start doing that,
you'll start seeing potential communities different.
So if you do that,
and then you go visit churches or spiritual communities,
you will see them more clearly as how they really are
instead of how you think they are in your heart.
Same thing with women, guys.
Same thing with romantic relationships.
When we get clear about what we really believe
about why we're single, write that down,
make that your homework.
Why am I really single?
Because I might've been telling myself,
oh, I live in the wrong zip code,
and there's just no good women in LA,
or this or that or whatever it is.
Remember, if it's external
and it's something that you cannot control or change,
it's not the reason you're stuck.
Because the Bible says we can prosper
even as our souls prosper.
And that word prosper actually means to be abundant.
It means to gain territory.
It means forward movement.
And so we're never stuck by something
that's out of our control.
We're only stuck about what we believe about it.
And guys, that's not like new agey semantics or whatever.
It's Bible, and it's true.
And trust me, it's been true in my life.
Over and over and over again,
since that moment that I had that conversation about,
that phone call with my ex-husband,
my life has little by little by little
transformed as I've applied this.
I used to think I was stuck by my bank account.
I'm just not making enough money,
and therefore I can't go on vacation with my family.
I can't do this.
I can't do that.
But what I didn't realize is that the reason why
there wasn't any money in my bank account
is because of what I believed about my own value
and what I brought to the world.
Because remember, guys,
and this is especially good for you, gentlemen,
is that money follows.
as passion. Okay? And when you're willing to show up in life as a valuable, passionate man that has
something to offer his wife, his family, you know, his employer, maybe you're the employer,
so you have something to offer the world as being the employer, it doesn't matter what,
when you really believe those things, then money chases you, you don't have to chase money.
I've become a serial entrepreneur since that conversation with my former husband and God that
day. Okay. More questions. So, James, that's your homework about spiritual community and just
community in general. Gentlemen, one of the lies that men are told is that you've been created to
be independent and therefore that translates to solitary. And it's just not true. The Bible says
God takes the solitary and places them in family. And so you have not been created to be a loner in
this life. That's not masculine. Being independent is not masculine. That's an orphan spirit. And so
we want to dig down to where did those ideas come from and how has that been a self-fulfilling
prophecy and how has that been a soul tie to that ideal masculine avatar that's keeping me stuck?
Does that make sense to everybody? Okay. All right. More questions. Let's go. And babe,
jump in anytime. I'm not. There we go. I will say on this one thing regarding community,
one of the other huge factors is the fact that we need community. So, it's not necessarily
people gathering together of like mind, enjoying fellowship together, which is basically the
essence of community. There's more involved in that. But I mean, we need community. Lots of
times it also comes down to style and to form of community that really drives a wedge between
the individual and the individual receiving what the benefits of community are. And so,
one of the things that we found is that we have community now in our lives. It just looks
different in terms of the type of community and the people we're associated with. We're still
with like-minded kingdom people, believing people, Jesus-loving people.
It doesn't look like what we used to do. And so, style and form are also a huge part of
finding a new expression, a new way of doing community.
That's good. And you guys, you can have a soul tether to your idea of what it has to look like,
fill in the blank, whether it's community, whether it's a relationship, whether it's your
own spirituality. I think this happens more with men than women, but women have a certain
expectation of what spirituality should look like. And they want to apply that to man,
not just to themselves. Exactly.
Because spirituality is very individual. The way that God speaks to you and through you is
very individualized. There isn't a template for this. And so, I want to really encourage each one
of you guys to own your relationship with God. And when anyone, especially some churchy woman
who you go on a date with, who wants to give you an interrogation about your relationship with God,
I want you to be able to feel comfortable showing up and saying,
you know, my relationship with God is a customized individual relationship,
and it might not look like yours, and I might not be able to explain to you in words
what it's like in this moment, but I have one.
And it can't be a cop-out answer, like, well, you know, I just have my own little thing.
Like, it has to have some weight to it, you know.
I love that. Can I ask a follow-up?
Sure.
Not to take us too far off topic, but in that scenario, I would also, my heart goes to
and pay attention to my actions, right? Because I think, you know, this idea of my own unique
spirituality should show up in the way that I live and interact with that individual. And so,
I mean, I wouldn't say I would put a challenge out to a woman, but I would invite to pay attention
to my actions, because actions are really more important than my words anyway. So,
does that feel appropriate to you, I guess, or is that too much?
No, a thousand percent. I mean, you're not in our women's community, but I will tell you that
one of the main precedents is that we teach women not to be gift inspectors, but rather fruit
inspectors? Does this man have the fruit of relationship in his life? Is he generous? Is he
kind? Is he wise? Is he patient? Does he do what he says? Is he consistent? Is he reliable?
And so, yes, it's very valid, and it's also what we teach here.
Yeah, the scripture bears out that, you know, you will be known by the fruit that you bear.
A tree is known by the fruit that it bears. I mean, this is very obvious. So, I mean,
a lot of time we put that over into the air of like, oh, your character and so forth.
Well, it's very true. If there's one person that says that you're a liar, well,
you know, maybe they encountered you in an unfortunate situation. If five people or 10
people call you a liar, you're probably a liar, you know, or any other thing that may be manifested.
And you guys, just letting you in kind of into a woman's psyche a little bit,
the reason why women do that, especially in the area of spirituality,
is because they've had a lot of bad experiences with men who say that they are living a life
based on Christian values, that, you know, maybe even go to church, maybe they even met them at a
church. And then when they got to know them, unfortunately, some of them not until after
they married them, it turned out to be a different situation. Right? So, women have a tendency to be
very interrogating in that area. But I want to, I really want to encourage you guys,
in all these areas that we're talking about, to make sure that you are not soul-tied or tethered
to something that's keeping you from really believing that God loves you, or that you have
a relationship with him, because you're comparing yourself to some other ideal of what either
someone else told you it's supposed to look like to have a relationship with God, or something that,
you know, you're seeing in someone else, another man, possibly. It's great to provoke one another
to good works. The Bible says to do that. But we're also not supposed to compare ourselves
among ourselves. Right? Those are both scriptures. And so, let's make sure that we are leaving room
for individuality and relationship with God. Another way to put that is that one of the
things, the form of religion, because if you've been around church or religion or church culture
for a while, it sometimes is actually too easy to be able to pretend to be spiritual, because you
know and are very familiar with the accoutrements of church culture and how to do it. And so, what
women are looking for is the authentic. And so, the only way to express that is to show the actual
fruit of your character and the fruit of the heart that is surrendered to the Lord.
And most women would love to be married to a sincere man who maybe is not that spiritually
mature as them, even. Because, you know, women, they're going to all the classes and courses.
They show up every time the church doors are open, kind of thing. Women are very communal.
So, they're always that. But they would rather marry a man who's sincere and just honest,
someone who has integrity, and someone who's open-minded and open-hearted than, you know,
some dude who's went to seminary to be a pastor or something.
All right. So, more questions on any kind. Anything that's soul-tied doesn't have to be
the spiritual part of what we're talking about. Anything and everything. Floor's up. Open.
I have a question. So, can you guys hear me?
Yeah, we can hear you.
Okay. So, basically, this is kind of like a soul-tie that I have with my mom, kind of like
where, you know, you have to forgive your parents for, you know, all the stuff, whatever,
you know, kind of the parental stuff. And I'm like a child, you know, so there was like a lot
of like, what's wrong with you, you know, kind of stuff going on when you're a kid.
And me and my family, we have Saturday night dinners every night at my mom's. We always check
and I have two brothers, all the wives show up, all that good stuff. I love that. But everyone
tends to leave, you know, and I always stay behind with my mom. I hang out for some more quality
time. And there's just weeks every once in a while where I struggle because I basically
realized that, you know, it's up to me, the success of me and my mother's relationship
and how, you know, the people don't know what they know,
they don't know what they're doing. You have to change. That's okay.
for them to get along and stuff.
So, but this last week, man, she like,
I hate to use that, you know, that, that word triggered,
but, and it was a simple thing,
like you put the food in the microwave
and you got to put a lid on it, right?
Cause if you dirty the microwave, you know,
she's going to trip out, which I get that.
You know, that's a 20 year old rule.
I know the rule.
All right.
I put a plate on top of the plate
because she likes to use plastic to warm up food.
I'm sorry.
I'm getting like a little detailed here,
but she's like, you better put the plastic on the plate.
And I didn't say nothing, right?
Cause I got a plate on the plate.
We're good.
She like kind of gets me out the way,
opens the, opens the microwave door.
You better not.
She goes, oh, you put a plate on the,
yeah, I go, yeah, mom.
Okay. Crazy woman.
Now get the, you know, move over, right?
But I realized that it ate at me
because I let her affect me.
So long story short here,
I forgive my mom for her ways
cause she's just a fiery, dysfunctional Italian lady,
love her to death, die for her.
But you know, there's just times
where I can't play the role correctly.
I like get weak and she like reels me in
like a fish on a line sometimes.
So anyways, long, long winded here.
No, not at all.
You know, it's like a negative soul tie with her,
but it's like so much love and forgiveness about,
cause you know, we're all going to die soon.
So it's like, let's have a good time.
So that's where I just, I get weak.
I get weak at times.
And then, you know, like it eats at me for like a day
because I lashed out at her, feel bad about it.
At the end of the night, I gave her a kiss goodbye.
I told her, I'm sorry that I got, you know,
you know, a little aggressive.
Cause I was like, you know, get out of here.
You know, foods we know.
But anyways, that's kind of like, I figure it's normal,
but you just got to get back on the horse, right?
Is that kind of?
Yeah, no, I mean, obviously you guys,
we're going to be triggered in relationship
where we're going to,
especially if you have a long history,
but I want you guys, I want us to look at Abram.
I want us to look at this situation
because it's so common, right?
Especially when you come from, you know, let's just face it.
There are some types of families that it's cultural
to be verbally abusive.
It's cultural to be verbally abusive.
Like, you know, all these people, these white people
that are raised in the suburbs, you know,
you come over and they're perfect.
And they're like, look at them, you know, they're so great.
They're the most wonderful thing in the world.
And you go to other families where, you know.
They're talking nice, hushed tones.
Yeah, exactly.
And then you go to other families
where it's culturally acceptable
and they don't even realize they're doing it
to be verbally abusive.
You know, you walk in and they're like, look at my kid.
His head's so big, you know, or this or that, or, you know,
the kid can't do anything right.
We don't know what's wrong with him.
You know, it's just, you know,
in front of other people, in front of company, why?
Because it's just cultural.
And so is it okay?
No, it's not okay.
And so because you come from,
it sounds like that type of cultural background,
the thing that you're soul tied to,
or the thing that the trigger is rooted in
is actually not mom, because mom is just a product
of her own upbringing and all the things, right?
But it's this, it is the idea of rules
are more important than relationship.
So mom has the rule that you don't put anything
in her microwave, you know, and you said,
it's a 20 year rule,
but it's more important than relationship.
It's more important than you feeling wanted
and accepted and loved, her microwave not getting dirty.
And it's such a small thing, but it's such a big thing
because all of us, in order to really connect
and feel safe in relationships,
we have to know that we are more important
than anyone's agenda, okay?
To keep their house clean, to do this, to do that,
whatever it is.
And we have to, and it starts with God, y'all.
And it goes back, you know, did you grow up in Catholicism?
Catholic family?
Yeah, we're like Roman Catholics, yeah.
We're Italian, a little bit of German.
Right, so there we go.
So it's a bunch of rules, okay?
Yeah, yep.
And so this is where, this is rooted back,
back, back, back here, okay?
And for all of you, I want you to listen to this
because it's really important,
is that God loves his sons more than he loves his rules.
And that is where this is rooted.
God loves his kids more than he loves his rules.
I can prove it.
The rules were there to keep us safe
and show us that we needed a savior,
but then he sent his son to die for us
because the rules were not the most important thing.
Okay, the relationship was, right?
And so at the root of everything like this,
where we've grown up in households that are strict,
we're living in,
It's just a bunch of rules just in order to keep order and it's not about relationship
There's a lot of verbal abuse if you break the rules or if you God forbid
I can just look at Abram and tell he's probably the black sheep of this family is probably someone who's outspoken and someone who
Didn't do things the right way and and me too. That's why I can recognize you. Trust me
I got kicked out of Catholic school just so you know, they kicked me out the nuns had a dependence over me
They told me never to come back. You know, I held like a complete walkout on fish stick Friday because I hate fish
During lunch. I mean it was not good you guys it was not good
And so as a former maverick or as a as a maverick, but as a former, you know misfit I will tell you that
God had to really get this inside of me because you guys this can bleed over to every area of our lives
because if we believe that
Meeting someone's
Expectations and their rules is more important than relationship
And if we if we attract relationships like that, we are always gonna feel like we're not enough. We're not doing enough
There's gonna be lots of fights when we you know
Don't do the thing and then we feel rejected and we feel not accepted by that person
Okay, the reason why you lash out at mom is not because you're just annoyed with her microwave rule
It's because it's more it gets to a point where it feels like it's more important than you and spending time with you and
Loving you
You know, it's like mom I stayed after to hang out with you and you want to get all over me about the frickin
Microwave, what are we doing here? I
Have something to add on to this Jackie
Um, you know, I have a similar experience like when I go home
Like I remember I went home for Thanksgiving and my sister
I was wearing this shirt and I had a mullet at the time and my sister made a comment about me
And she said I look like Pedro like from Nacho Libre and for some reason it like broke me down for some reason
Like it made me like really sensitive like to the point where like I almost want to like tear up and cry like I didn't even
Realize how much I cared about my sister's opinion, right?
So when dealing with this and into you know, we are
Dealing with relationships of people
How do we go about you know dealing with something like that to where internally like we're healed from whatever it is
That soul tie is for example being hurt by a stupid comment that obviously has no truth
Well, you know some values some families, you know
They just they're they don't value communication because they haven't been taught about to value communication
And I'm talking about like heart-to-heart communication
So if you had a family and maybe you guys will be the first person in your family
Or Joseph could say to his sister. Hey, you know, I know you think that's funny
But that actually really hurt my feelings but not in a accusing way
But in a hey, you know
I I really value how you see me and what you think of me and that hurt my feelings
Same thing with Abram if he could show up and say to his mom mom. I know your microwave rule
I stayed after because I really wanted to spend some one-on-one time with you
And you know, I really wish that you know didn't have to turn into an argument
Okay
Use people by having
vulnerability
Vulnerability leads to connection just so you know
Yeah, I I actually so it hurt my feelings so much
Actually changed my shirt. And so when I showed up to you know, our brother's house for the Thanksgiving
She saw me and she was like, you don't have to change your shirt
I was just kidding and I told her I said you need to respect me like that hurt my feelings a lot
And she said I'm really sorry and ever since I seen her since then she's never
Done anything like that again
Well, that's good. And I mean and saying you need to respect me
I mean, I don't know how you said it, but I will just tell you that
You know, that's great and I'm glad that she I'm glad that that was a favorable response, but sometimes just came out
Right because well because you were hurt and here's another thing men and here's another thing. I want you to write this down
This is important. Okay, and
I write about it in the materials, but I'm gonna say it here again. That is
Anger when it shows up, please pay attention to it
Okay, there's different levels that can show up in he can show up in low-level anger
Which is kind of more like irritation and frustration and it can show up in high-level
Anger, which is like rage
Okay, please pay attention to anger when it shows up. What are you doing? Who are you with?
Kind of take a minute to do some hard work with some tools just uncle, you know inside just unspoken like hey, you know, like what?
What's this really about because anger is hurt and fear is bodyguard
When it shows up and I will tell you this and this is really important if you do not learn
Right now I believe God's in my heart
inviting all of you into this,
if you will deal with the anger that comes from trauma,
the deep-seated hurt and fear that comes from trauma
that shows up as anger,
if you will deal with that now during this time,
then you won't have level 10 anger
with a level one or two irritation or frustration.
This is why people get road rage.
This is why people pop off, okay,
at the slightest provocation.
You know, people will say, oh, they have anger issues.
No, they have a lot of undealt with fear
and hurt from trauma.
And so if you don't deal with that,
then that really high level anger
is gonna show up very inappropriately in your life.
Does that make sense to everyone?
And you know, I had an uncle like that.
He's not alive anymore, partly because of his anger.
Made himself sick, gave himself a heart attack,
stroke, all the things.
But this guy, whoo, you had to walk on eggshells around him
because he had a lot of deep, deep trauma.
I didn't know that at the time.
I just thought he was a jerk that, you know,
always manifested as anger at everything.
Like you never knew when this guy
was just gonna blow his stack.
And so, but it usually was gonna be over something
that was not in any way, shape or form at that level.
Of anger.
Okay, so definitely write that down, guys.
We wanna deal with this so that
when we get irritated and frustrated,
especially when we're driving a car,
doing things, you know, dealing with some, you know,
person who's not smart, formerly known as an idiot,
that we don't blow up.
They're not smart or wise.
We would have formally called them an idiot,
but we're not gonna call people idiot.
We're not gonna cuss people on the road
because we're gonna deal with our trauma.
Okay, all right, who's next?
I will confess, I have an issue with this.
No.
He's already been very public with it.
It is not a lie, y'all.
We still love you, David.
This mild-mannered man, when he gets behind
the wheel of a car, turns into the Hulk.
It just, it's my out, it's my outlight for frustration
and it is not appropriate, but it is a truth
and I will confess to it.
Hey, Jackie.
Yeah, go ahead.
When you were talking earlier,
you kind of broadened my view of like potential soul ties
and it was good.
And when I was a child, I, you know, escaped a lot in like,
well, just fantasy, I thought of fantasy or idealism,
whatever you wanna call it.
And so I'm curious in a relationship,
like, you know, I've never been married.
You know a little bit about my story.
I was engaged once.
Like, is it possible to,
well, I'll just say like engaged once.
I didn't really know what I was doing, but anyway.
I, is it possible to have like a soul tie to the idea,
like the fantasy of what it feels like
to be in a relationship?
And then when, like right now I'm in a relationship
and I, you know, I messaged you a few days ago
and it's like, okay, this isn't the fantasy,
but maybe this is what,
and I get in my head sometimes about,
well, this feels real, but what's, or, you know,
so I'm constantly looking for,
well not, you know, constantly,
but I'm looking for that validation of, you know, is this,
and I don't necessarily want, sounds bad,
but like, I don't wanna just look to God in terms of,
because I have asked God to, you know,
and I've used that in the past to break up with women.
Like God, you know,
and you've kind of blown that out of the water.
You know, it's like, that's avoidant,
you know what I mean?
And that's what, that's where I tested at
in our test a couple of months ago.
And I went through those classes and,
and so sometimes maybe the avoidant
might be showing up in this relationship.
So is there maybe like a fantasy of, you know,
how it's supposed to be all this, you know,
feel a certain way in a relationship
that I could maybe deal with?
It's a great question.
And it's exactly what I'm trying to get across to you guys.
So yes, that's exactly what I mean.
So you guys, and it happens to women a lot too.
They read books, you know, romance novels,
they watch all these rom-coms
and then they get this idealism
of what it's supposed to feel like,
what it's supposed to sound like,
or even they hear someone else testify at church,
get up and talk about how I just knew they were the one,
the moment that I looked at them, right?
And so, and then you start,
what happens is, is you start to get tied to that, right?
And then you may even kind of, you know,
put more layers on it where, you know,
because of that, you feel like God's saying to you,
yeah, that's how it's gonna be for you too, right?
Kind of thing.
The problem is, is-
that avoidance and anxious attachment,
they both have the same fear,
and that is abandonment and rejection.
Okay, you can see that it's manifesting different
through both of those people.
The avoidance are trying to run away,
like you can't reject me, you can't abandon me
if I never let you in, right?
If I never choose you, if I never let you get close to me.
And then the anxious are doing the exact opposite.
You can't abandon me and reject me
if I grab a hold of your leg and never let go, right?
I'm gonna win you over, I'm gonna show you
that nobody can love you the way I can love you, right?
And then the next thing you know,
like the show Misery, tied to a bed, got a broken leg,
they're not going anywhere now, you got them,
they're your captive audience, right?
We don't want any of that.
And then of course, there's the secure people in the middle,
and the secure attachers are just people
that have learned either through origin family,
or just they had that personality type
from the beginning of life.
We're all born with different temperaments
where they know that it's not the end of the world
if someone doesn't love them back.
These are what the secure people have down.
They have the ability to love and to attach,
they can deeply love you, but they also know
that if you don't love them back, someone else will.
That's huge, y'all, that's a gift.
And I will tell you that the majority of people
that I test out in my coaching,
test out as anxious or avoidant, not secure.
Okay, so yes, Paul, you can definitely be tied
to this fantasy of not just, you know,
a certain type of woman or what she looks like,
but how you're going to feel when you meet her.
And what being in relationship with her is going to be like,
the level of fulfillment that you think that you might feel
or the level of peace or safety that you might feel.
And so that's why it's important to bring that to God
because a lot of people will say this, they'll say,
oh, well, if a relationship is right,
you'll just have peace in your heart,
you can just follow after peace.
That's not necessarily true if you're not someone
who would have peace just in general, you know?
I mean, it's not, you can't, that can't be a litmus test.
Okay, it has to be a lot of different things, okay?
And so when we do our Symbus, and I don't think any of you
have been in Symbus with me or you're not right now
with a significant other, but we test on 11 different
dynamics in that assessment.
And one of them is, what is your relationship style?
And those relationship styles are resolute,
romantic, reluctant, restless, yeah, those four, okay?
And so the romantic is actually a pretty dangerous
relationship style because those are the people
that usually have a lot of fantasy attached
to what they think this needs to be like.
And even though they're in deep infatuation
with this person now, we all know that infatuation
does not last, right?
Right, so Paul, we gotta get down to the nitty gritty,
get down to the root system of where the fear
of abandonment and rejection started,
in what relationships did it start,
and what lies are you believing because of those traumas
in those relationships, and that's kept you single, right?
So the effects of those tethers to those lies
are that you are still single.
You have not ever been able to pull the trigger.
And you guys, I wanna let you know,
because David and I have been married for 17 years.
The way that I felt about David, and I'm sure the way
that he felt about me 17 years ago when we stood
at that altar and made a covenant with each other
is very vastly different today.
We didn't, we love each other way more now,
17 years ago, than we did when we started this thing.
And a lot of people have a really messed up perception
that you're supposed to be, like that is the moment
that you're gonna love the person the most
when you commit your life to them.
That's just the beginning, okay?
The more that you choose that person over and over
and over again, every day choosing that person,
choosing the life that you're building together,
choosing to stand by each other through all the better
and worse, rich or poor, and the joy and the good times
and all the things, that is what will continue
to allow those roots of love to go deeper and deeper
and deeper and deeper.
And you're gonna hit rocks, and you're gonna hit traumas,
and people are gonna get massively triggered
in relationship depending on what kind of backgrounds
they've come from, as you try to take that relationship
from superficial to supernatural.
Okay?
And then of course, add in the children
and all the different things, and there's gonna be
all kinds of potential to go into deeper and deeper
and deeper.
Yeah. One of the strongest principles, guys, in a relationship, and especially for men,
is the keep showing up principle, which, you know, we can never get to the point where
we just don't want to show up anymore. But the keep showing up principle, regardless
of whether you're doing it right, doing it wrong, that kind of thing is very important
to relationship and just even presenting yourself as the best man or the best guy for the job
of husband. So, yeah, it's important. And I want to encourage you guys just to be honest
with women that you're, you know, getting to know and dating, just, you know, vulnerability
once again leads to connection. I'm not saying that you spill all your dirty laundry out
on the table, but Paul, you know, you're in a exclusive relationship and that's level
three exclusivity, dating towards marriage. I really want to encourage you to share with
this woman, you know, what you're afraid of. Okay. It's important to open up.
Yeah. So we're starting, I don't know if you are familiar with eight dates, the Gottman,
we're starting chat. We're going to start going through these questions and God bless America.
There's like 99 questions on trust and commitment that we're going to go through in a few days.
And I'm just like, and most, I mean, they're yes or no, or let's talk about it. And I could feel
from her, you know, anxious pursuer, like she wants to know how committed I am to her. And I
have this battle in me, like, cause I'm committed to be like, I love what David just said. I'm
committed to show up committed to, I, you know, we see each other a couple of times a week,
you know we, you know, I'm committed, but I'm not committed to marrying this woman.
And I don't know, I just have to like be honest and vulnerable with that. And I don't want to
trigger or, you know, cause her to feel even, you know, trigger that anxious side of her. So.
No, you don't, but you have to be honest about where you are because I'll tell you a thing about
anxious avoidant partnerships. Okay. They're the worst kind, first of all. Okay. Cause imagine one
person chasing and the other person literally running away. Okay. And so that is what's
happening here. Okay. And so that being said, it's important for you to be honest with her
about where you are. Okay. Not taking any hope away from her of where you could be,
but about where you are, because if you don't say it, she'll fill in the blank herself.
Okay. She'll, this is what anxious people do when, when it's not being, when it's not being
talked about and communicated, then they tell themselves the story that they have to,
to make themselves feel secure. Right. So just you being willing to do that thing that you're
about to do with the, I've never heard of it before, but the thing you're about to do,
I'll look it up. So I know what you're talking about, but that not again, eight dates,
eight dates. I can put it in the chat. Eight dates and Judd got the Gottman.
Um, written by their daughter, Julie.
So just willing to do that with her, unless you put a, unless you, you know, unless you preempt
that with, you know, discussion, she's going to tell herself that he loves me. He's going to marry
me. This is what we're doing, you know? Okay. So if you don't want that takeaway, then you have to
say to her, Hey, I'm willing to do this in order to get closer in relationship to find out, you
know, where this relationship can and is going to go. Because if you don't say that in full
vulnerability and transparency, once again, she's going to add her own narrative to it.
And then if you do that with her and you decide, Oh, Hey, this woman's not for me.
Then she's really going to be disappointed. I mean, beyond disappointment. And then Abraham,
I want to tell you this and you guys, this is important for all of you, but hurt in relationship,
healed in relationship. Those are tenants of the heartwork hurt and family healed in family.
And remember, Abram loves his mom and his mom loves him. And his mom's not purposely trying
to hurt him. She's just giving him what she has, right? You can't give someone what you don't have
to give. Okay. But Abram absolutely should not marry a woman like his mother. He should marry
a woman. Who's the law of kindness is in her tongue, right? A woman who is kind and supportive,
you know, a woman who uses, who understands that a Y.
woman builds her house with her words. I have a question. Yeah. So you know you say
that you should let a woman know where she stands with you and like where this
is going. When is a good time to do that? Not where this is going because you
don't know where it's going but you have to tell her what your motivations are
for even being in the relationship and where you are right now in the
relationship. You guys, if you don't know where you are, women will
add their own narrative to it. They will decide where you are. Okay. When would
you know? I would also rephrase that a little bit Joseph too because the
words that you said exactly and I don't want to be nitpicky but it's important
that I think this is a difference because you said where she is with you. I
think probably what you should probably turn that around to be is where you are
at with regard to the relationship because you can't you know you're going
to put her in a sort of defensive situation like oh this is what I think
about you. No. The relationship has to do with where you are at in the
relationship. Right. Well when I was dating David and he was my next-door
neighbor, you know we were friends for months and months. Okay. Next-door
neighbors. Our children were good friends but then when he expressed romantic
interest in me, that's high stakes you guys. That's immediately high stakes. Why?
Because we live next door to each other and our children are in the mix. Our
children know each other and of course our children know that we're now like
romantically dating and so very quickly when it turned romantic from friendship,
I asked him what his intentions were. I said to him and you won't have a woman
who is not going to have and you're not always going to have a woman who is this
you know just plain like not playing mind games, not trying to find out
through some kind of subversive or manipulative way how you feel about her.
I just simply said to David, hey you know obviously that I'm a single mom and you
know I'm not interested in taking my child down a road you know where this is
not going to turn into a relationship. You know I'm not I'm out of my
girlfriend era. I'm not going to be anyone's girlfriend so I need to know
you know what what are your intentions towards me and he said my intention is
to is to continue a relationship with you because I I want to marry you. He
wasn't asking me to marry him. He was telling me that he was marriage minded
and that was his full intention in taking this from friendship to romance.
Okay and that was enough for me at the moment. I didn't need to know when, I
didn't know where, I didn't need to know you know how. I just needed to know that
we were on the same page and so you got to give a woman that okay especially a
woman who is not young. So all you millennial guys for sure. Now Joseph's a
little bit younger. He's just still in his 20s and so Joseph it's important for
you to tell girls when you're meeting them whether it's this girl that you're
talking about and referring to or any girl where are you in your life? Where
are you in your life? You're only like what 24? Not that 24 year olds can't get
married but you have to tell them where you are when you're meeting them. You
have to make sure that when you're dating them specifically that you're
letting them know my son does this really well and I'm so proud of him. He's
28 years old. He lets girls know he's not a player. He's not trying to date a
whole bunch of girls. In fact you know for whatever it's worth my son
hasn't even been romantically involved with a girl as far as like physically
romantic, kissed a girl, done any of that because not because he's waiting to get
married to have a kiss. He just hasn't really met anyone that he really likes
to that level and so he's very clear and he better be as our child because we've
taught him to be clear about what his intentions are. My intentions are to get
to know you. My intentions are to honor and respect you. My intentions are to see
if there's anything between us more than friendship as we get to know each other.
You know he takes the lead and Joseph that's where you have to be at this
season of your life. You have to take the lead with girls okay. You can't be swayed
by their beauty or by their sexuality. You have to get honest about where am I
at right now in my life. What do I want? What do I have to give realistically to
a relationship? Am I ready for marriage? No. Then I'm not going to get into
marriage-minded relationships. I guess you know my bad thinking from you know
learning to be a player I guess.
since a kid was like to always like kind of keep things a mystery. And I guess I'm being
vulnerable here because I think this is wrong. But to keep things a mystery so you know the
girls always like wondering about you and like you know trying to figure out you know where do
you stand with her and stuff like that and which creates attraction. It's kind of like what I've
learned and picked up. Well first of all let's I want to I want I want us to say this it doesn't
create attraction okay it actually creates fear. Okay in a woman that creates fear and if you
attract an anxiously attached woman which it sounds like those are the ones that are mostly
attracted to you. That is like they can't that's like catnip they can't they can't resist it
okay they can't resist it and I'll tell you why and it's very sad.
For the most part when anxious attachers go after someone who continues to kind of
you know pull back pull away you know come back pull away which it sounds like that's a pattern
here Joseph. The reason why that that person some some won't they'll just cut loose and be like
whatever bro I'm done okay but some will continue to do that make up and break up make up and break
up with you and the reason why is because they have deep trauma and being able to secure your
love is what is going to tell them that they're worthy. So when you give them a little crumb of
hope that that's that's like crap they can't they can't resist it they're going to keep coming back
for more and more and more even though you pull away afterwards. Are you familiar with you guys
familiar with the mouse study? It's really it's really it's it's very sadistic and I wish
scientists wouldn't do this but I read it it broke my heart even though I don't really like mice that
much but they put mice in water and you know in water obviously that they can't get out of they
put them in a container where they could not escape and they watched them and pretty quickly
they just gave up and drowned. That's it. Let's put them in the water and they couldn't get out
they tried to get out and after a few minutes of trying to get out they just gave up and drowned.
Okay great so then they put another batch of mice in the water and this time right before they
watched them and they did the same thing they tried to get out they tried to figure it out
but when they didn't weren't able to give up get out right before they were about to give it up
and drown they pulled them out they dried them off they let them rest for a while they gave them a
snack okay gave them some food and then after they rested for a while they put them back in the water
and this time those same mice that would have given up within the first five minutes
they swam for I think it was 60 hours. Y'all that makes me want to cry and you know why?
Because it was imprinted on them hope it was imprinted on them that there was going to be a
rescue and this is what happens when we breadcrumb people okay we breadcrumb people right before
they're about to fully just give up they're just going to give up on the relationship you know
there's nothing they can do they're devastated whatever you give them a crumb and for whatever
reason that person's temperament and their exact trauma makeup causes them to hold on and hold on
and hold on because you gave them a crumb okay because you gave them a little crumb of hope
and you guys that becomes very dysfunctional okay and this is what we call at some level
codependency right and so it's really important that we make sure that we understand if we are
the person the anxious attacher that keeps you know grabbing the crumb from the person
who isn't willing to give us their heart they're not willing to make a commitment to us and right
when we're about to give up and move on you know they they throw us a line and then we just do it
again so if you are that person or if you're the person that continues to crumb people right when
they're about to move on with their lives to something you know sustainable then we have to
this is where confession comes in and this is where soul ties can be broken okay super important
super super important and you guys this doesn't have to just be romantic this can be in friendship
this could be with a parent you could have a parental relationship like this whether you're
the parent or your parent is the parent where they're constantly pushing pushing pushing you
away and then when you're just like fine and then you stop talking to them for a couple weeks because
they push you away then they're like where you at they give you a little
a little tug of hope, right?
They have a hook.
They throw out a fishing line.
They try to get you to pay attention again.
They give you what we call a bid for attention.
And you might be like, what should we do in that situation?
Especially if it's someone that we can't burn a bridge with
because they're our parent or our child.
You have a real honest conversation with them
and let them know that these are dysfunctional cycles
and that you don't wanna be in them.
And you know what that's called?
That's called setting a boundary, okay?
And you can do it very honorably, very respectfully.
It doesn't have to be accusatory.
It doesn't have to be drama filled.
It can just be matter of fact.
But this is how we cut soul ties, you guys, all right?
You can do it with your employer.
You can do it with a whole lot of people
if you find yourself in these cycles
because you don't wanna stay there, right?
We're about at 8.07.
We have about eight more minutes.
So any other questions that we have
about anything that we've covered
or anything we haven't covered before we end?
My mom's blonde.
I like brunettes.
Okay, well, that's good.
But I mean, it goes beyond that.
You need a different temperament too, right?
Because that's gonna be very healing for you.
All right, what advice would you have for a man, me,
who is naive when it comes
to social interactions, relationships,
past history, unsuccessful relationships,
ineptness, dumbness, obliviousness to social cues?
I think you need to be honest about that.
If you're getting to know someone
and you know that that's your history, okay,
that's your Achilles heel,
then you need to just be honest about that.
It can be very lighthearted and casual conversation,
especially if you really like the girl
and you think that you wanna get to know her.
You could just say, hey, by the way,
I don't always pick up on social cues really well.
So, you might have to be blunt.
You might have to make it really clear.
You know, my son's like that.
Jerry came home in sixth grade
and told us that he had autism.
They had an autism awareness day
and he came home and said,
mom, dad, I'm on the spectrum.
And we're like, what?
And he just, the main thing was that,
the whole social cues thing.
He knew that he was like that
and he just really aligned with that
and thought that that meant, you know.
And what I have to say about that
is I think that autism is a new thing
that they're talking about and all the things,
but I think all of us interact differently.
You know, we all have different things
that cause us, that are barriers to connection
and they can be if we let them
or they can be beautiful things.
And so, we need to understand that
just because you don't connect
or you don't resonate with something
that someone else is resonating with,
doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you.
So, Joshua, for sure, make sure that you share that,
like, hey, I don't always pick up on social cues.
You know, I don't always, you know,
sometimes I'm really, you know,
kind of a dunce in that area.
Like, I don't get it.
I don't get it.
So, you know, feel free to be blunt.
Feel free to be direct.
Give someone permission to be a direct communicator.
Because you guys, I will tell you about women.
A lot of times women, they just think
that you're supposed to read their mind, right?
They think that they're gonna like lay down
all of these clues.
Like it's some, you know, episode of Monk
and you're supposed to figure it out, you know?
And it's just not true.
And I try to teach women that
because I used to be like that too.
I think it's like the feminine mystique.
Like, you know, we want to know
that you know us that well,
that you know exactly what we're thinking
or what we want.
But we have to learn how to communicate.
And so Joshua, you will have to invite any woman
that you're interested in to be a communicator.
Use your word, not your body language.
To me, the key thing that I'm picking up
and not even in my own question,
but in the other questions that were asked
was communication is key.
Yeah.
You got it.
And vulnerable communication.
Don't be afraid to be vulnerable.
Don't be afraid to admit to someone
that you don't have it all together.
That doesn't mean that you sit down once again
and lay out all of your problems
and air your dirty laundry,
but don't be afraid to, you know,
show them that there's a man behind the cape.
A human man.
In fact, women like that,
I'm just gonna tell you,
women are definitely attracted to emotionally available men.
Okay, what else we got?
It's akin to when a guy posts a picture,
profile picture, what's on Facebook
or some sort of social site or whatever.
And he's like, oh, like.
Yeah, you know, like all tough and everything.
Like, yeah, I'm a man, everything.
And that's like all the women in our community.
Like is why isn't he smiling?
He's so mean.
Like, that's terrible.
They're not attracted to that at all.
Although we think that's tough.
It ain't happening.
Hey, Jackie, can I ask a question before we go?
Yeah.
So I've been navigating the soul tie, letting go soul ties
that you have already articulated.
So I've done the inner work.
I'm working through forgiveness, healthy boundaries,
whatever else you've talked about.
And I think you touched on this at a session recently.
So I have a decent idea.
Like when do you know you're ready to move forward
in relationship, like a new relationship,
relative to letting go of those soul ties
or breaking those soul ties?
At what point do you know you're ready to go?
I think you've dropped some clues in a recent talk,
but I'd be interested in hearing more about when
you know you're ready.
OK, so let me clarify.
So when do you know you're ready to like leave a relationship?
Oh, sorry.
Start a new one as you're letting
go of the old soul ties.
OK.
So once again, we're hurt in relationship,
healed in relationship.
So there is going to be elements of healing in your heart
that are only going to come from the same type of relationship
where there was the damage came from, right?
And so the way that you know that you're ready
is that you have done all the healing
that you can do outside of that to your knowledge, OK?
You weren't out dating.
You were healing, OK?
You weren't just trying to rebound.
You were healing.
You were taking time aside to really deal with your stuff,
especially if you have noticeable patterns, guys.
If you have noticeable patterns, you
can look back at all your relationships,
platonic and romantic, and you can see patterns.
You have to deal with those patterns before you do it again.
Now, once again, you're going to have
to try it out in the real world in a new relationship.
But you want to make sure that you do what you can do before that.
And so my best advice is that when
you know that you've addressed your patterns
and the underlying reasons for them,
and here's the other thing.
And your heart is excited, OK, and open.
I always tell my ladies, don't do anything
that doesn't bring you joy.
If the thought of meeting someone
is an exciting and happy thought, then you're ready.
That's really good.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Right.
You guys, I want to remind you that we're
going to be onboarding all of our ladies
onto the app, the ones that are in phase 3.
Just so you know, guys, we have phase 1, 2, and 3 women.
We have lots of women.
There's no doubt in my mind that some of your future spirit
mates are in this community already.
And we have new women joining every day.
And so my job is to get you guys to a place
where you feel comfortable meeting them
and you have opportunities to meet them in person and online.
And so this community app is part of that.
And this is just the first stage where we get you
in the place where you don't have to be on Facebook
to access your curriculum.
All of you guys are always like, where's the link?
This is going to solve that.
Because in the men's group, there's a calendar there.
There's a what's today, here's the link.
There's an event calendar that has the links baked in.
So you look at the events, you see what's happening today,
then you just click the link.
You don't have to ask which link it is or where it is.
So that's all beautiful.
But there's also a community element to this app.
Single Nations moving from Facebook to the app,
and then you'll be able to join that.
It's not open yet, it will be.
But on the heels of that, just as soon as August,
we're actually opening, launching
our community-based matchmaking app.
It's a matchmaking platform.
You guys will be able to join what I call
not the data pool, but the dating pool.
So just like any other matchmaker database,
you will join it.
There'll be lots and lots of questions
that you'll answer because the algorithm will match you.
We have some technology that's gonna match people
on this platform, but then a human person,
whether myself or one of my matchmaking team
are gonna look at those matches
and actually sift through them for the best ones.
So I'm really excited about that.
So we have lots of stuff coming up in this community.
I will tell you, all the men that come into our group
that stay and actually do the work, all of them get married.
Okay?
All of them meet someone amazing
and eventually get married, okay?
Or, you know, get engaged
and then we don't hear from them again, whatever.
But they find someone is basically what I wanna tell you.
Cause there's a lot.
less of you. And they don't necessarily find someone from within the community,
but because of the community and the coaching and the healing, they find someone. Same difference to
me. And so I just want to just encourage you guys with that. You might feel like you're far
away off from being ready for that, but you know, God, it gives us things that maybe we don't always
think we're ready for. And I want you to be open to that as we go forward. All right, babe, you can
wrap it up, honey. Awesome. Yeah. Thanks guys for being here. I want to acknowledge Abraham.
Was this your first heart checking? Yeah. My first one that I actually like showed up to,
I've watched like every video. Oh, cool. You know, like the replay is based on my schedule
for me to make stuff, but yeah, that's my first time live here. All right. Yeah. That's great.
I just want to acknowledge that and I just want to welcome you on because all the other guys have
been here before, at least once before. And so I just want to acknowledge that and welcome you.
And yeah, so this is heart check-in. We do go through the heart check-in process. We'll go to
heart check-in number five next week, guys. And so we do follow a little bit of a pattern, but we
oftentimes also break it up with just different things. And tonight it was just really good that
my wife is on here. Thank you for being here, babe, to really share that on soul ties. Cause
that's a really important concept in this whole journey. So we have Monday nights relatively open,
even though we do try to follow a pattern and so forth. Sometimes we'll also bring in just another
series of a couple of weeks of like maybe boundaries or something like that. So sometimes
we'll do a little bit of a series, but we kind of leave Monday nights not extremely structured
so that we can be flexible with it and have it open just for all guys at all levels to just
continually attend. Because this is kind of like the only sort of just guys only session that we
have is just the Monday nights just because we're a smaller crew. And so we want to have it open to
where we can kind of tackle a number of different subjects rather than just be so singular focus. So
it's more conversational, more just processing. That's really what these heart check-ins are all
about. So I just want to keep you informed about that. I want to encourage you to just keep working,
keep showing up and let God just do work in you and through you through this time. So I'll just
praise God. Thank you, Lord, for each one of these guys on here tonight. We bless them. We just speak
life over them, strength over them. We speak healing into their hearts and minds and their bodies.
Lord, let them just experience wins this week, Lord. I just feel that's strong that they just
need some wins and just to know that you see them, that you know them, that you're involved in their
lives. Let them just become aware of that as they're seeking you and showing up to do the
right thing. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. God bless, guys.