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Okay, folks, so welcome everybody to our all community path teaching tonight.

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I was super excited when Jackie and Bethany approached me about this topic.

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We are actually going to talk about, goodness gracious, I'm so sorry about the dog.

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There's somebody right outside the window, but we're going to ignore her.

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And we're going to talk about getting our houses in order.

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And we're going to start talking about finances, and it's a really hard, uncomfortable topic.

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We are not super excited always to talk about it, especially if our financial position's

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not in a good place.

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But you guys, how you navigate your finances really matters in a marriage.

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It's one of the most important topics.

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I'm going to just grab my dog real quick.

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There's just somebody right outside the window that she just feels like she needs to protect me against.

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Okay, so finances is a really important, really uncomfortable topic.

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We're going to cover what God has to say about money first, then I'm going to go kind of

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into some practical tips and tools that we're going to kind of talk about.

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Then you all are going to have some good questions that we actually share during our

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Symbus pre-marriage class that you guys are going to go into a breakout room and talk

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about.

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It is not your time to dump your financial situation on the three other people that you're

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going to be in the room with, but to just answer some questions honestly.

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And then we're going to come back together, and I'm going to go over with you at every

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level of dating.

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Level two early, level two thinking about exclusivity.

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Early and exclusive, later and exclusive when you're thinking about getting engaged.

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What's the level of conversation?

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And you guys, we try to have this conversation with you all the time because sometimes y'all

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are like sharing really personal stuff really too soon.

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And your financial position and your finances, that's a really, really delicate topic.

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And some of that information is very personal.

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So we want to make sure we help you ask the right questions at all of the right stages.

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All right, so we're going to go ahead and get started.

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So I've been around people, just so you guys know too, my degree is actually in finance

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and I have done finance my whole life.

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I've been the CFO, the CEO, and I'm now the treasurer on my condo board.

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I can't get away from a budget.

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They just seem to, budgets seem to follow me wherever I go.

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So I do love a good Excel spreadsheet, and I am going to pull up a spreadsheet to show

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you guys, and I have it in a Google sheets and in Excel, and that's something that we're

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going to make available to y'all as well.

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So when I talk about finances, especially in the church world, sometimes we have people

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on both ends of this extreme, right?

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I've been around people who are like letter of the law, budget, tithing, the thing, right?

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And then I've seen plenty of people are like, oh, the Lord's going to provide, the Lord's

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just going to provide, like money's just going to fall like manna from heaven.

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I ran a nonprofit for 20 years, and I had some people on my board are just like, well,

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if the Lord told us to do it, he's just going to give us the money.

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And then I had the finance people are like, oh yeah, show me the money.

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I was definitely someone in the middle going, okay, I want to be faithful, but I also got

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to see what's in the checking account.

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So like I was always kind of toggling that, and that's the kind of wrestle is we want

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to leave at, we want to lean out in faith with our finances, but we need to be prudent.

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And so even though Philippians 4.19 says, and my God shall supply all of my needs accord

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to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus, that does not mean you get to be irresponsible

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with your money, and the Lord is just going to provide that manna from heaven.

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So do not take Philippians 4.19 out of context, okay?

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And then the other thing that people always say, well, the love of, you know, that money

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is the root of all evil.

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It's not.

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1 Timothy 6.10 says the love of money is the root of all kind of evil.

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So it's that love, it's that idolatry, it's that worship, it's that fixation on money.

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That is what is the root of all evil.

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There's just so much that stems from that.

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Let me just give you some dates or some data.

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As of May 2024, now you might be listening to this going, okay, I'm doing way better

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than the average American, or ooh, I'm not doing so good at all.

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As of May 2024, the average American household debt is $104,000, including mortgage, auto,

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credit card, student loan, and other debts.

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This is a record high and an 11% increase from 2020 alone.

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The average American also pays 10% of their income.

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come on debt payment every single month, which is less than most of the year 2000s. As of Q4,

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the fourth quarter, so like October, November, December, those of you that don't follow quarter,

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of 2023, the average American household owed over $6,000 in credit card debt.

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According to the 2836 rule, you should spend no more than 28% of your monthly income

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on housing and no more than 36% on debt. Housing, of course, includes your mortgage,

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homeowners insurance, and private insurance. So that's just some data on some debt that we go

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into. One of the things that Jackie wanted me to talk about is the difference between a scarcity

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poverty mindset and an abundant mindset. And we're going to kind of define that a little bit,

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and I've got some scripture to kind of back up each of those. I want to make sure there's no

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other questions. Okay. What is the dinging sound? Hopefully it is done dinging. Hopefully it is

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done dinging. So a scarcity mindset, a scarcity mindset is a way of thinking that there is never

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enough money or resources and that you're always on the brink of not having enough. This mindset

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can lead to negative behaviors like hoarding, overspending, so the exact opposite, and penny

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pinching. And it can prevent you from making wise financial decisions. It can also affect your

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happiness, cause anxiety, and limit your opportunities. You know, we've even talked

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about the scarcity mindset, even when it comes to dating. Oh my gosh, there's not enough guys.

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Oh my gosh, there's not enough girls. Oh my gosh, there's nobody in my town. Like we can get that

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scarcity mindset in all of our areas. And here's a little bit how, like where the hoarding and,

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or the overspending comes in. In terms of financial decision-making, a scarcity mindset could lead you

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down two paths. Either you're inclined to hoard all your cash rather than invest it or spend it.

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And we're going to read a Bible story about that. Or you're tempted to just spend, spend, spend,

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and forego any type of long-term goals or planning because you're just feeling like it's just never

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going to happen for you. Matthew 6 26 says, look at the birds of the air. They do not sow or reap or

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store in barns, and yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

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And so when you think about a scarcity mindset, no, I don't want you to spend to your heart's

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content, but we do have to have some level of trust that God has got you. Now I want to talk

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about the difference between poverty mindset and scarcity mindset versus abundant mindset. And you

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might think, well, abundant means just, I got it. I got a ton of money. And that's actually not what

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it means. An abundant mindset is the opposite of the scarcity mindset, and it helps unlock your

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greater financial potential to achieve your long-term goals. This can be called enough

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mindset. What is the concept? Enough, write that down. An abundant mindset is enough mindset.

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It's knowing that you have enough, you're doing enough, you are enough to feel personally fulfilled

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and satisfied with your life. Like I have enough, I haven't enough. So an abundant

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mindset is looking at what you've got right now and seeing the abundance around it.

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Because if you think abundant is having excess, or you're always chasing that dollar amount that's

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way out there, then actually you're never going to get out of that poverty scarcity mindset.

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So an abundant mindset doesn't mean you're just rolling in the dough, but an abundant mindset

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says, I have a roof over my head. I've got clothes on my body. I've got food in the fridge. I'm making

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my bills. I have family. I have friends. I have an abundant life. That's an abundant mindset.

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An abundant mindset, it can become a positive. It means having a positive and realistic attitude

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toward your financial life, because financial freedom isn't just a savings goal or particular

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net worth. It's also the reassurance of knowing you're going to be okay,

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and that you can live life on your own terms without having to worry about

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where your next pain check will come. It's worth noting that an optimistic enough mindset doesn't

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magically manifest positive return overnight. Instead, an attitude of abundance

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fuels your motivation to act and make thoughtful decisions.

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visions that can help you achieve your goals.

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Jackie talks about this abundant mindset as we date,

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as we look for other things in our life.

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We want to believe that,

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we wanna have that positive energy.

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If you have a scarcity mindset in your dating

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and in your finance,

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that is gonna give off a lot of negative energy

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and it's not gonna be attractive to the people around you.

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You wanna keep your lives free from the love of money

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and be confident with what you have

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because God has said,

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never will I leave you,

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never will I forsake you.

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So that's Hebrews 3, 5.

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And so I want us to think about the words

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that are associated with a poverty mindset

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versus an abundant mindset.

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When we think about a scarcity or poverty mindset,

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we think of words like fear, anxiety,

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sadness, depression, anger,

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envy and covet, that FOMO, right?

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That FOMO.

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When we think about words that go with abundant mindset,

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we think of peace, contentment, trust,

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hopeful and secure.

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And you guys, I have been to developing countries.

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I've been around very wealthy people.

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You know, I first,

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I worked at a very wealthy church in Connecticut

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and then of course I ran a nonprofit.

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I've been around some of the wealthiest people

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in the country.

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I've also been, I've also served in my ministry

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some of the poorest people.

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And I can tell you this,

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the amount of money you have

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doesn't always equate with an abundant mindset.

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I have seen people in middle class or lower class

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have an abundant mindset.

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So don't think that as your money goes up,

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your abundant mindset goes up.

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The mindset has to precede the money.

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So I'm gonna read you a little story

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about what God has to say about what we do with our money.

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It's in Matthew 25, 14 to 30.

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Again, it will be like a man going on a journey

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who called his servants and entrusted his wealth to them.

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To one, he gave five bags of gold,

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to another two bags and to another one bag,

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each according to his ability.

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Then he went on his journey.

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The man who had received five bags of gold

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went at once and put his money to work

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and gained five more bags.

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So also the one with two bags of gold gained two more.

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But the man who had received one bag went off,

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dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money.

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After a long time, the master of those servants

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returned and settled accounts with them.

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The man who had received five bags of gold

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brought the other five.

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Master, he said, you entrusted me with five bags.

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See, I have gained five more.

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His master replied, well done, good and faithful servant.

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You have been faithful with a few things.

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I will put you in charge now of many things.

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Come and share your master's happiness.

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Y'all, we've heard that phrase, right, a lot.

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Like when people pass away or die, we're like,

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oh, we think the phrase that when God is talking to us

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is like, well done, good and faithful servant.

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We forget that it's starting in this money conversation.

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The man with two bags of gold also came.

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Master, he said, you entrusted me with two bags of gold.

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See, I've gained two more.

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His master replied, well done, good and faithful servant.

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You have been faithful with a few things

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and I will put you in charge of many.

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Come and share your master's happiness.

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So he did not give more to the person who had five

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from the person who had two.

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He rewarded their abundance.

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Then the man who had received one bag of gold came.

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Master, I knew that you are a hard man,

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harvesting where you have not sown

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and gather where you've not scattered seed.

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So I was afraid and went out and hid your gold in the ground.

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See, here it is, what belongs to you.

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His master replied, you wicked, lazy servant.

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So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown

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and gather where I have not scattered?

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Well, then you should have put my money on deposit

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with the banker so that when I returned,

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I would have received it back at least with interest.

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So take the bag of gold from him

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and give it to the one who has 10 bags.

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For whoever will be given more, they will have an abundance.

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Whoever does not have even what they have

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will be taken from them.

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And throw that worthless servant outside into the darkness

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where they'll be weeping and gnashing of the teeth.

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And so you guys, it's just this reminder,

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whatever God has entrusted you with,

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whatever little bit you've been entrusted with,

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you wanna be obedient and abundant in your posture with it

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and God will be able to multiply it.

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Now, normally I would love to do a PowerPoint presentation,

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but I wanna see as many of your faces as possible.

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And when I do a PowerPoint,

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I feel like I lose so many faces and so I don't like to do that.

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So that's why you're actually going to just have to take a lot of notes and it's super

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important that we're doing that.

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Um, okay.

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And you guys, if you are, it's, it's my, it's my fault.

231
00:15:15.280 --> 00:15:18.920
You guys on the dinging, I forgot to turn off my notification.

232
00:15:18.920 --> 00:15:22.560
So hopefully people will stop texting me and the rest of the time.

233
00:15:22.560 --> 00:15:23.560
So I apologize.

234
00:15:23.560 --> 00:15:27.240
I don't want to stop long enough to go to my settings and turn off the notification.

235
00:15:27.240 --> 00:15:31.080
So y'all are just gonna have to give me some grace that at the very beginning, my dog went

236
00:15:31.080 --> 00:15:34.640
cuckoo and a whole little texting string went crazy.

237
00:15:34.640 --> 00:15:35.640
So I apologize.

238
00:15:35.640 --> 00:15:38.280
I promise I did not mean to do that.

239
00:15:38.280 --> 00:15:42.440
So I wanted to ask you guys some questions, some group fun questions.

240
00:15:42.440 --> 00:15:46.920
And so you guys, um, this has nothing to do.

241
00:15:46.920 --> 00:15:48.880
Somebody asked me, what if you're not dating y'all?

242
00:15:48.880 --> 00:15:51.680
This has nothing to do with you being you dating.

243
00:15:51.680 --> 00:15:58.320
I need you to get your house in order with your finance now before you get married.

244
00:15:58.320 --> 00:16:03.240
This is not a, I'm going to get my crap together when I find my mate.

245
00:16:03.240 --> 00:16:10.040
No, you want to go into your dating relationship to the, be the best version of yourself.

246
00:16:10.040 --> 00:16:13.360
You don't want to lose weight when you meet him or her.

247
00:16:13.360 --> 00:16:15.780
You don't want to get your finances in order.

248
00:16:15.780 --> 00:16:17.600
You don't want to get the job.

249
00:16:17.600 --> 00:16:19.120
You don't want to write the book.

250
00:16:19.120 --> 00:16:23.360
You don't want to do all the things when you get the person you want to live into the

251
00:16:23.360 --> 00:16:25.280
freedom into that now.

252
00:16:25.280 --> 00:16:28.720
So us getting our house in order has nothing to do with it.

253
00:16:28.720 --> 00:16:31.840
I don't care if you guys are, I don't care if you guys are sitting there and you own

254
00:16:31.840 --> 00:16:33.920
your home or you're renting.

255
00:16:33.920 --> 00:16:38.640
I don't care if you have a 401k or if you don't, if we don't have a pot to pee in, like

256
00:16:38.640 --> 00:16:40.140
this is not what this is about.

257
00:16:40.140 --> 00:16:43.660
This conversation is for everybody.

258
00:16:43.660 --> 00:16:46.800
Everybody can learn something, um, from that.

259
00:16:46.800 --> 00:16:52.440
And so, um, let's go, what's the percent again for the mortgage?

260
00:16:52.440 --> 00:16:54.200
I will get back to that again.

261
00:16:54.200 --> 00:17:00.960
Um, and you guys be careful how much you're sharing about your own finances in the chat

262
00:17:00.960 --> 00:17:01.960
room.

263
00:17:01.960 --> 00:17:07.319
I really don't think it's appropriate for you to be sharing whether you have debt or

264
00:17:07.319 --> 00:17:10.520
not debt in the chat, we're going to go over that at the very end.

265
00:17:10.520 --> 00:17:14.520
Remember we talked about what's appropriate for a level two and level three dating right

266
00:17:14.520 --> 00:17:17.240
now we're at a level one with one another.

267
00:17:17.240 --> 00:17:19.839
We are in group community with one another.

268
00:17:19.839 --> 00:17:26.440
So we want to be, we want to be super, super careful that we, um, don't share too much

269
00:17:26.440 --> 00:17:27.440
information in the chat.

270
00:17:27.440 --> 00:17:29.800
So that's your first boundary for tonight.

271
00:17:29.800 --> 00:17:33.160
Be careful to what you share in the chat about your personal finances.

272
00:17:33.160 --> 00:17:34.160
Okay.

273
00:17:34.160 --> 00:17:35.440
So I have some questions.

274
00:17:35.440 --> 00:17:39.920
I want to see how many hands raised and there's no right or wrong answer here.

275
00:17:39.920 --> 00:17:41.400
Okay.

276
00:17:41.400 --> 00:17:45.780
This is a, these are questions that get asked actually on the pre-marriage Simba's class.

277
00:17:45.780 --> 00:17:46.780
Raise your hand.

278
00:17:46.780 --> 00:17:50.760
Um, it's going to either be the husband, the wife, or both.

279
00:17:50.760 --> 00:17:54.480
So you're going to either raise your hand first if you think it's the husband's job.

280
00:17:54.480 --> 00:17:57.520
Second if it's the wife's, third if it's both.

281
00:17:57.520 --> 00:18:02.000
And I know some of you are gonna be like, it depends, but I want you to pick one anyway.

282
00:18:02.000 --> 00:18:06.360
Who do you think's job it is to provide income once you're married?

283
00:18:06.360 --> 00:18:09.640
How many want to say it's just the husband's job?

284
00:18:10.640 --> 00:18:11.640
Okay.

285
00:18:11.640 --> 00:18:14.240
Brave ladies and men.

286
00:18:14.240 --> 00:18:15.240
Okay.

287
00:18:15.240 --> 00:18:16.240
Awesome.

288
00:18:16.240 --> 00:18:17.400
Lower your hands.

289
00:18:17.400 --> 00:18:19.440
How many thinks it's the wife's job?

290
00:18:19.440 --> 00:18:20.800
He's like, I'm retired, man.

291
00:18:20.800 --> 00:18:22.400
I did my part.

292
00:18:22.400 --> 00:18:23.400
I got the pension.

293
00:18:23.400 --> 00:18:24.400
All right.

294
00:18:24.400 --> 00:18:26.400
How many think it's both?

295
00:18:30.400 --> 00:18:31.400
Okay.

296
00:18:31.400 --> 00:18:32.400
Let's see.

297
00:18:32.400 --> 00:18:33.800
Do I have a lot of both?

298
00:18:33.800 --> 00:18:34.800
I got a lot of both.

299
00:18:34.800 --> 00:18:35.800
Awesome.

300
00:18:35.800 --> 00:18:36.800
Awesome.

301
00:18:36.800 --> 00:18:37.800
Awesome.

302
00:18:37.800 --> 00:18:38.800
Awesome.

303
00:18:38.960 --> 00:18:39.960
Okay.

304
00:18:39.960 --> 00:18:40.960
Lower your hands.

305
00:18:40.960 --> 00:18:41.960
Awesome.

306
00:18:41.960 --> 00:18:42.960
Okay.

307
00:18:42.960 --> 00:18:43.960
Second question.

308
00:18:43.960 --> 00:18:47.480
Whose job is it to manage the budget?

309
00:18:47.480 --> 00:18:48.480
Manage the budget.

310
00:18:48.480 --> 00:18:55.200
Should it be the guy's job to manage the budget?

311
00:18:55.200 --> 00:18:56.200
The wife?

312
00:18:56.200 --> 00:18:57.200
Both.

313
00:18:57.200 --> 00:19:01.200
How many say both?

314
00:19:01.200 --> 00:19:02.200
Awesome.

315
00:19:02.200 --> 00:19:03.200
Okay.

316
00:19:03.200 --> 00:19:06.200
Whose job is it?

317
00:19:06.600 --> 00:19:13.960
Now, okay, you guys, this next question, someone's going to have to pick because both people

318
00:19:13.960 --> 00:19:15.640
can't do this next one.

319
00:19:15.640 --> 00:19:16.640
Pay the bills.

320
00:19:16.640 --> 00:19:18.240
Who's paying the bills?

321
00:19:18.240 --> 00:19:19.240
So husband.

322
00:19:19.240 --> 00:19:22.960
Is the husband paying the bills?

323
00:19:22.960 --> 00:19:25.480
I'll be very curious where we land on this.

324
00:19:25.480 --> 00:19:28.200
How many say the wife is going to be the one paying the bills?

325
00:19:28.200 --> 00:19:29.200
Yeah.

326
00:19:29.200 --> 00:19:35.840
I think that's really funny.

327
00:19:35.840 --> 00:19:38.320
Mom is taking care of the bills.

328
00:19:38.320 --> 00:19:39.600
There's no right or wrong answer.

329
00:19:39.600 --> 00:19:40.600
Just trying to get perceptions.

330
00:19:40.600 --> 00:19:46.200
But you guys, these are important questions that you'll be asking towards the end of as

331
00:19:46.200 --> 00:19:49.040
you're getting prepared in a relationship.

332
00:19:49.040 --> 00:19:50.040
Okay.

333
00:19:50.040 --> 00:19:56.640
Is it appropriate for both people to talk about money when you're married?

334
00:19:56.640 --> 00:19:58.600
Yep.

335
00:19:58.600 --> 00:19:59.600
Both people can talk.

336
00:19:59.600 --> 00:20:00.600
Is it yes?

337
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:01.920
Raise your hand if it's a yes.

338
00:20:00.600 --> 00:20:00.600


339
00:20:01.920 --> 00:20:03.900
Can both people bring up money,

340
00:20:03.900 --> 00:20:06.320
even if you're not the one making the money?

341
00:20:07.360 --> 00:20:09.480
Even if you're not the one making the money.

342
00:20:09.480 --> 00:20:10.400
Okay, good.

343
00:20:10.400 --> 00:20:12.360
I'm gonna lower all your hands.

344
00:20:13.360 --> 00:20:16.080
Okay, so you're about to get married

345
00:20:17.080 --> 00:20:20.680
and you are gonna be the stay-at-home mom with the kids,

346
00:20:20.680 --> 00:20:21.920
because you still have kids at home,

347
00:20:21.920 --> 00:20:24.980
he's got kids at home, he's the major bride winner.

348
00:20:26.000 --> 00:20:28.800
Does the wife who's not bringing in an income

349
00:20:28.840 --> 00:20:31.940
get a say in the budget and the finances?

350
00:20:31.940 --> 00:20:33.540
Yes, raise your hand.

351
00:20:39.080 --> 00:20:41.020
Yeah, I think she does.

352
00:20:41.020 --> 00:20:41.860
Because guess what?

353
00:20:41.860 --> 00:20:43.440
She's got a free, you know,

354
00:20:43.440 --> 00:20:45.040
she's just getting a crappy salary

355
00:20:45.040 --> 00:20:48.000
for being a stay-at-home mom, you know?

356
00:20:48.000 --> 00:20:49.280
She's doing all the things.

357
00:20:49.280 --> 00:20:50.540
Okay, awesome.

358
00:20:50.540 --> 00:20:52.760
All right, so now I've got some questions

359
00:20:52.760 --> 00:20:54.480
for you guys to ask yourself.

360
00:20:54.480 --> 00:20:55.640
I'm gonna lower all the hands.

361
00:20:55.640 --> 00:21:00.640
So since you've got all of the hands down.

362
00:21:03.280 --> 00:21:04.840
All right, so the first question is,

363
00:21:04.840 --> 00:21:06.080
and this is just for yourself,

364
00:21:06.080 --> 00:21:09.080
I'm gonna ask you guys five questions.

365
00:21:09.080 --> 00:21:11.420
You're not taking the answers to this in the breakout room.

366
00:21:11.420 --> 00:21:13.640
I promise, this is just for you.

367
00:21:13.640 --> 00:21:17.880
I read the definition between a scarcity poverty mindset

368
00:21:17.880 --> 00:21:20.880
versus an abundant mindset.

369
00:21:20.880 --> 00:21:23.360
First question, do you think you have

370
00:21:23.360 --> 00:21:27.820
a scarcity poverty mindset or an abundant mindset?

371
00:21:27.820 --> 00:21:29.860
You guys, there are a lot of people

372
00:21:29.860 --> 00:21:32.440
who make over $250,000 a year

373
00:21:32.440 --> 00:21:34.480
who still have a scarcity mindset.

374
00:21:34.480 --> 00:21:37.020
So I promise you, it's not just that.

375
00:21:37.020 --> 00:21:40.740
So go ahead and answer that question for yourself.

376
00:21:47.920 --> 00:21:50.200
And just say a little bit about that.

377
00:21:53.360 --> 00:21:54.200
Okay.

378
00:22:03.560 --> 00:22:06.200
Okay, the second question,

379
00:22:06.200 --> 00:22:09.480
what concerns do you have most right now?

380
00:22:13.480 --> 00:22:15.360
What concerns do you have most right now

381
00:22:15.360 --> 00:22:17.080
about your financial position

382
00:22:17.080 --> 00:22:20.520
that you would be bringing into the marriage and why?

383
00:22:20.520 --> 00:22:22.020
What concerns you most

384
00:22:22.020 --> 00:22:24.460
about your current financial position

385
00:22:24.460 --> 00:22:26.720
that you would be bringing into the marriage and why?

386
00:22:26.720 --> 00:22:28.460
Go ahead, this is just for you guys.

387
00:22:28.460 --> 00:22:30.960
I'm not gonna have you read that answer to anybody.

388
00:22:37.020 --> 00:22:38.780
And just take a moment in that,

389
00:22:38.780 --> 00:22:42.780
don't rush that answer and be really honest with yourself.

390
00:22:52.780 --> 00:22:57.780
All right, the next question, this is a positive one.

391
00:23:04.060 --> 00:23:06.300
So I want you to try to think about something

392
00:23:06.300 --> 00:23:09.060
to be positive about with your finances.

393
00:23:09.060 --> 00:23:13.140
What gives you peace about your financial future?

394
00:23:13.140 --> 00:23:14.660
Even if you have to pray about it,

395
00:23:14.660 --> 00:23:16.720
think of something that gives you peace

396
00:23:16.720 --> 00:23:18.400
about your financial future.

397
00:23:22.020 --> 00:23:22.860
Okay.

398
00:23:36.220 --> 00:23:37.300
Great.

399
00:23:37.300 --> 00:23:38.960
All right, next question.

400
00:23:40.100 --> 00:23:43.860
Do you have higher expectation for your future spouse

401
00:23:43.860 --> 00:23:47.500
about their finances than you have about your own?

402
00:23:47.500 --> 00:23:49.540
So let me give you an example about this.

403
00:23:50.540 --> 00:23:53.860
Say I am 20 pounds overweight,

404
00:23:53.860 --> 00:23:57.260
but I expect my man to look hot

405
00:23:57.260 --> 00:23:59.780
and not be 20 pounds overweight.

406
00:23:59.780 --> 00:24:02.840
Say I have student loan debt,

407
00:24:02.840 --> 00:24:05.200
but I don't want a man who's got debt.

408
00:24:06.060 --> 00:24:07.980
So that's what I'm kind of saying about that.

409
00:24:07.980 --> 00:24:12.980
So like your own finances are either a hot mess express

410
00:24:13.500 --> 00:24:15.940
or they're pretty good,

411
00:24:15.980 --> 00:24:19.740
but boy, you have very high expectations

412
00:24:19.740 --> 00:24:22.180
of the person that you're gonna wanna marry

413
00:24:22.180 --> 00:24:25.500
that their financial position is better than yours.

414
00:24:25.500 --> 00:24:28.180
Go ahead and be honest if that's where you are right now.

415
00:24:28.180 --> 00:24:29.340
It is okay.

416
00:24:29.340 --> 00:24:31.940
This is just you kind of getting real with yourself.

417
00:24:38.860 --> 00:24:40.620
All right, so the second part of that question,

418
00:24:40.620 --> 00:24:42.340
now you might be saying, well, you know,

419
00:24:42.340 --> 00:24:44.980
I can handle it if they're in the same place as me.

420
00:24:46.380 --> 00:24:48.420
How do you feel about them being

421
00:24:48.420 --> 00:24:51.480
in a more difficult financial position than you?

422
00:24:51.480 --> 00:24:53.060
How does that make you feel?

423
00:24:53.060 --> 00:24:57.160
That you have fallen in love with some amazing person,

424
00:24:57.160 --> 00:25:00.100
but you found out their financial situation is.

425
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:01.000
the hot mess.

426
00:25:16.140 --> 00:25:17.860
So then the final question is,

427
00:25:17.860 --> 00:25:21.140
would you be willing to hold space for grace

428
00:25:21.140 --> 00:25:23.780
with finances in your future,

429
00:25:23.780 --> 00:25:26.260
either with yourself or with your future spouse?

430
00:25:26.260 --> 00:25:29.900
How much space for grace are you willing to own?

431
00:25:29.920 --> 00:25:33.280
I love that you guys are like being really honest about that.

432
00:25:33.280 --> 00:25:34.620
By the way, I loved your answer

433
00:25:34.620 --> 00:25:36.160
about who should be doing the bills.

434
00:25:36.160 --> 00:25:38.780
I'm a big fan of whoever does it best.

435
00:25:38.780 --> 00:25:41.800
Like I'm the finance person, so I'm okay if he's doing it,

436
00:25:41.800 --> 00:25:44.080
but he better know finance better than me.

437
00:25:44.080 --> 00:25:46.680
Otherwise, buddy boy, you're giving me the checkbook

438
00:25:46.680 --> 00:25:47.800
and we're gonna be,

439
00:25:47.800 --> 00:25:51.460
but I'm just looking through all these answers.

440
00:25:51.460 --> 00:25:56.460
I'm curious about what some of you are writing

441
00:26:03.680 --> 00:26:06.280
about the God answers,

442
00:26:06.280 --> 00:26:08.080
but I bet you that will come out more

443
00:26:08.080 --> 00:26:10.100
in your breakout rooms

444
00:26:10.100 --> 00:26:11.600
and what you actually mean about that.

445
00:26:11.600 --> 00:26:14.120
Okay, so I'm gonna actually start

446
00:26:14.120 --> 00:26:17.480
to get into the nitty gritty.

447
00:26:17.480 --> 00:26:19.200
Here's a tidbit for you

448
00:26:19.220 --> 00:26:22.820
of how to make healthy financial decisions.

449
00:26:22.820 --> 00:26:25.380
And you guys, a lot of it isn't in the big decision.

450
00:26:25.380 --> 00:26:27.460
So sometimes when we spend money,

451
00:26:27.460 --> 00:26:29.900
we think it's, do you buy the house or not?

452
00:26:29.900 --> 00:26:31.220
The car or not?

453
00:26:31.220 --> 00:26:33.660
Go on that expensive vacation or not?

454
00:26:33.660 --> 00:26:37.940
That actually isn't what impacts your daily wealth the most.

455
00:26:37.940 --> 00:26:39.200
Do you wanna know what it is?

456
00:26:39.200 --> 00:26:43.780
It's how you spend the little money, the piddly money.

457
00:26:43.780 --> 00:26:46.140
And so I want you to ask yourself

458
00:26:46.140 --> 00:26:51.140
before you make an impulsive decision on finances,

459
00:26:51.960 --> 00:26:55.560
I'm gonna ask you to check your pies and your habits.

460
00:26:55.560 --> 00:26:57.520
Now, if you are newer to the program,

461
00:26:57.520 --> 00:27:00.820
I talk about pies and habits and boundaries.

462
00:27:00.820 --> 00:27:04.340
If you are longer in our program,

463
00:27:04.340 --> 00:27:07.800
you've not heard me teach the class on pies and habits.

464
00:27:07.800 --> 00:27:10.720
So pies and habits are an acronym.

465
00:27:10.720 --> 00:27:14.160
So the word pie stands for physical,

466
00:27:15.100 --> 00:27:20.100
intellectual, emotional, and spiritual health.

467
00:27:20.440 --> 00:27:21.940
You're gonna write that down.

468
00:27:21.940 --> 00:27:23.840
How are your pies doing?

469
00:27:23.840 --> 00:27:26.980
So it is not time to go on Amazon

470
00:27:26.980 --> 00:27:29.660
and do a little spending spree.

471
00:27:29.660 --> 00:27:32.420
If you are physically sick and unhealthy,

472
00:27:32.420 --> 00:27:34.520
unless it's to get some meds.

473
00:27:34.520 --> 00:27:38.020
If you are intellectually just not in a good place,

474
00:27:38.020 --> 00:27:40.820
like your mind, like you can't think straight,

475
00:27:40.820 --> 00:27:43.340
you have brain fog, you just got over COVID,

476
00:27:43.360 --> 00:27:45.600
you just got over a sinus infection,

477
00:27:45.600 --> 00:27:48.640
you have some version of brain fog.

478
00:27:48.640 --> 00:27:51.760
That is not the time to be purchasing.

479
00:27:51.760 --> 00:27:53.440
Emotional health.

480
00:27:53.440 --> 00:27:56.200
Y'all, how many women have said the word,

481
00:27:56.200 --> 00:27:59.760
I need to do a little retail therapy, right?

482
00:27:59.760 --> 00:28:02.320
Mm-hmm, retail therapy.

483
00:28:02.320 --> 00:28:05.840
So emotional health can really impact you.

484
00:28:05.840 --> 00:28:08.120
It's kind of like you don't go to the grocery store

485
00:28:08.120 --> 00:28:09.680
when you're starving, right?

486
00:28:09.680 --> 00:28:14.680
You don't go spending when you are emotionally depleted.

487
00:28:16.180 --> 00:28:19.360
And then the last one is spiritual health.

488
00:28:19.360 --> 00:28:22.860
Obviously we believe that wisdom comes from God.

489
00:28:22.860 --> 00:28:26.060
And so he's gonna give us holy discernment,

490
00:28:26.060 --> 00:28:27.980
peace, and prudence.

491
00:28:27.980 --> 00:28:31.140
The enemy is just gonna want you to spend, spend, spend.

492
00:28:31.140 --> 00:28:33.100
So first check your pies

493
00:28:33.100 --> 00:28:35.140
before you make an impulsive decision.

494
00:28:35.140 --> 00:28:38.560
Physical, intellectual, emotional, or spiritual health.

495
00:28:38.560 --> 00:28:40.700
The other word is habits.

496
00:28:40.700 --> 00:28:42.780
And I use this word a lot

497
00:28:42.780 --> 00:28:45.860
when I talk about having conflict resolution with somebody.

498
00:28:45.860 --> 00:28:49.120
If you need to do conflict resolution with somebody

499
00:28:49.120 --> 00:28:51.460
or make a big decision like, I don't know,

500
00:28:51.460 --> 00:28:52.780
should we go to level two or not?

501
00:28:52.780 --> 00:28:54.420
Should we break up or not?

502
00:28:54.420 --> 00:28:57.620
You are not supposed to do it when your habits are amok.

503
00:28:57.620 --> 00:28:59.700
So what do habits stand for?

504
00:28:59.700 --> 00:29:01.740
H stands for hungry.

505
00:29:02.680 --> 00:29:05.380
A stands for angry.

506
00:29:05.380 --> 00:29:07.420
B stands for bored.

507
00:29:08.420 --> 00:29:10.080
Like so boredom and sloth.

508
00:29:10.080 --> 00:29:12.760
You guys, sloth is one of those seven deadly sins, right?

509
00:29:12.760 --> 00:29:15.120
So boredom is a biggie.

510
00:29:15.120 --> 00:29:18.560
I stands for insecure or isolated.

511
00:29:20.280 --> 00:29:22.240
T stands for tired.

512
00:29:23.680 --> 00:29:27.240
S stands for stressed.

513
00:29:27.240 --> 00:29:29.960
So I always try to say, it's kind of like, you know,

514
00:29:29.960 --> 00:29:31.920
I've had enough surgery, so I know this.

515
00:29:31.920 --> 00:29:34.400
So one of the things that you have to sign

516
00:29:34.400 --> 00:29:36.920
when you're about to go under general anesthesia

517
00:29:37.420 --> 00:29:38.700
is that you promise that you're not gonna make

518
00:29:38.700 --> 00:29:40.500
any major life decisions.

519
00:29:40.500 --> 00:29:43.580
I think it's like 72 hours after surgery

520
00:29:43.580 --> 00:29:45.300
because they know you're gonna have brain fog.

521
00:29:45.300 --> 00:29:48.300
And so I'm just gonna encourage you to pay attention

522
00:29:48.300 --> 00:29:51.200
to your pies and your habits,

523
00:29:51.200 --> 00:29:55.360
and especially start to notice the pattern of, gosh,

524
00:29:55.360 --> 00:29:59.660
when I'm feeling isolated and alone, man, I just do this.

525
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.040
Those of you that have food issues,

526
00:30:02.040 --> 00:30:04.600
everything I'm saying tonight

527
00:30:04.600 --> 00:30:07.160
could actually line up with food issues.

528
00:30:07.160 --> 00:30:12.080
Money issues, food issues, porn issues, sex issues,

529
00:30:12.080 --> 00:30:14.660
any kind of addictive behavior

530
00:30:14.660 --> 00:30:17.920
that you guys have gotten yourself entangled with

531
00:30:17.920 --> 00:30:21.920
really could be applying to this conversation of finance

532
00:30:21.920 --> 00:30:25.960
because a lot of times we're going to get a fix.

533
00:30:25.960 --> 00:30:28.960
And so that's what impacts our finances.

534
00:30:28.960 --> 00:30:33.180
Okay, our next scripture verse I'm gonna give you is,

535
00:30:33.180 --> 00:30:36.520
because we have two principles that I want you to consider

536
00:30:36.520 --> 00:30:38.160
and we're getting super close

537
00:30:38.160 --> 00:30:39.400
to y'all going into your breakout

538
00:30:39.400 --> 00:30:41.520
in about 10 minutes, you'll be going into your breakout.

539
00:30:41.520 --> 00:30:43.520
We're gonna go to our breakout for about 20 minutes

540
00:30:43.520 --> 00:30:45.840
and then we're gonna come back for 10 minutes

541
00:30:45.840 --> 00:30:48.440
for us to discuss what's appropriate to talk about

542
00:30:48.440 --> 00:30:49.520
at the different levels.

543
00:30:49.520 --> 00:30:51.200
And then I wanna actually hear from y'all

544
00:30:51.200 --> 00:30:54.120
and you guys get to ask questions and give your thoughts.

545
00:30:54.120 --> 00:30:55.560
So the first principle,

546
00:30:55.560 --> 00:30:57.680
and this is really back to that abundant living,

547
00:30:57.680 --> 00:30:59.840
like, okay, Renee, that sounds really great.

548
00:30:59.840 --> 00:31:03.380
How do I go about living abundantly?

549
00:31:03.380 --> 00:31:05.040
The first thing you have to learn how to do

550
00:31:05.040 --> 00:31:07.120
is live within your means.

551
00:31:07.120 --> 00:31:09.600
It's the first thing you have to do, live within your means.

552
00:31:09.600 --> 00:31:13.800
Let me read you 1 Timothy 6, 6-12.

553
00:31:13.800 --> 00:31:15.040
So Cheryl, I know you are there

554
00:31:15.040 --> 00:31:15.960
and I know you're not feeling good,

555
00:31:15.960 --> 00:31:18.320
but if you can be putting in these verses, that'd be great.

556
00:31:18.320 --> 00:31:20.640
1 Timothy 6, 6-12,

557
00:31:20.640 --> 00:31:24.000
but godliness with contentment is a great gain

558
00:31:24.000 --> 00:31:25.880
for we brought nothing into the world

559
00:31:25.920 --> 00:31:27.960
and we cannot take anything out.

560
00:31:27.960 --> 00:31:30.000
But if we had food and clothing with these,

561
00:31:30.000 --> 00:31:31.440
we will be content.

562
00:31:31.440 --> 00:31:34.200
But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation,

563
00:31:34.200 --> 00:31:37.720
into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires

564
00:31:37.720 --> 00:31:40.980
that plunge people into ruin and destruction.

565
00:31:40.980 --> 00:31:42.120
For the love of money

566
00:31:42.120 --> 00:31:44.200
is a root of all kind of evil things.

567
00:31:44.200 --> 00:31:46.760
It is through this craving that some have wandered away

568
00:31:46.760 --> 00:31:49.840
from the faith and pierce themselves with many pangs.

569
00:31:49.840 --> 00:31:51.760
But as for you, oh man of God,

570
00:31:52.640 --> 00:31:55.680
flee these things, pursue righteousness,

571
00:31:56.440 --> 00:32:00.040
godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness,

572
00:32:00.040 --> 00:32:01.920
fight the good fight of faith,

573
00:32:01.920 --> 00:32:04.680
take hold of the eternal life to which you were called

574
00:32:04.680 --> 00:32:07.240
about which you were made the good confession

575
00:32:07.240 --> 00:32:09.480
in the presence of many witnesses.

576
00:32:09.480 --> 00:32:12.640
I love it because you guys, we use a lot of those verses

577
00:32:12.640 --> 00:32:15.880
and we don't ever mean it to have anything to do

578
00:32:15.880 --> 00:32:18.240
with having that abundant living

579
00:32:18.240 --> 00:32:19.600
and living within your means.

580
00:32:19.600 --> 00:32:20.700
And I love it.

581
00:32:21.020 --> 00:32:25.780
And you guys, when I was on staff at the church,

582
00:32:25.780 --> 00:32:27.780
I was the church business administrator.

583
00:32:27.780 --> 00:32:30.820
So I saw how much people gave

584
00:32:30.820 --> 00:32:32.660
and I also saw where they lived.

585
00:32:32.660 --> 00:32:35.300
And I also saw, I had firsthand knowledge

586
00:32:35.300 --> 00:32:37.380
of who were the people in debt

587
00:32:37.380 --> 00:32:39.980
coming to the church asking for money.

588
00:32:39.980 --> 00:32:44.460
And you guys, I've seen people with $10 million homes

589
00:32:44.460 --> 00:32:46.260
not have enough for Christmas

590
00:32:46.260 --> 00:32:48.260
because they were just living beyond their means.

591
00:32:48.260 --> 00:32:52.220
And so it is actually, and scripture talks about it a lot.

592
00:32:52.220 --> 00:32:54.580
Luke, the gospel of Luke talks a lot

593
00:32:54.580 --> 00:32:57.940
about how hard it is to enter heaven

594
00:32:57.940 --> 00:32:59.380
when you have a lot of riches.

595
00:32:59.380 --> 00:33:03.300
I've seen people with great wealth manage it well

596
00:33:03.300 --> 00:33:05.140
and they give, give, give, give, give.

597
00:33:05.140 --> 00:33:08.100
But I've seen a lot of people get tripped up with it.

598
00:33:08.100 --> 00:33:11.900
So what does it mean to live within your means?

599
00:33:11.900 --> 00:33:14.180
You have to know what your budget is.

600
00:33:14.180 --> 00:33:18.240
So how many of you have actually created a budget?

601
00:33:18.240 --> 00:33:20.900
Raise your hand if you haven't, it's okay.

602
00:33:20.900 --> 00:33:23.260
Raise your hand if you actually have created

603
00:33:23.260 --> 00:33:25.020
a financial budget for yourself.

604
00:33:27.120 --> 00:33:28.600
Awesome, okay.

605
00:33:28.600 --> 00:33:30.980
That is like, let's see,

606
00:33:30.980 --> 00:33:33.780
about 45 of you have raised your hand.

607
00:33:33.780 --> 00:33:35.440
So that's about a third of you.

608
00:33:35.440 --> 00:33:36.980
Okay, lower your hands.

609
00:33:36.980 --> 00:33:38.100
I'm gonna lower the hands.

610
00:33:38.100 --> 00:33:40.860
How many of you consistently,

611
00:33:41.820 --> 00:33:44.140
let me lower those hands real quick.

612
00:33:44.980 --> 00:33:47.500
How many of you consistently live by your budget?

613
00:33:49.500 --> 00:33:52.060
What did I know Nitin was gonna raise his hand?

614
00:33:52.060 --> 00:33:54.160
I just could tell he had that personality.

615
00:33:57.460 --> 00:34:02.460
Okay, so that is maybe 25% of the crowd, right?

616
00:34:04.260 --> 00:34:05.480
So it's really hard.

617
00:34:05.480 --> 00:34:09.380
How many folks, so I'm gonna lower all the hands.

618
00:34:09.380 --> 00:34:11.179
Okay, I'm gonna lower the hands.

619
00:34:11.179 --> 00:34:12.980
Here's your next question.

620
00:34:12.980 --> 00:34:16.420
How many of you are scared to put a budget together

621
00:34:16.420 --> 00:34:18.380
because you just don't wanna see it?

622
00:34:18.380 --> 00:34:20.620
You're like, I just can't even face that number.

623
00:34:20.620 --> 00:34:23.980
That's just, that's gonna give me heart palpitations.

624
00:34:23.980 --> 00:34:25.780
I wouldn't even know where to begin.

625
00:34:26.900 --> 00:34:27.860
That's okay too.

626
00:34:29.860 --> 00:34:30.760
That's okay too.

627
00:34:32.620 --> 00:34:33.460
All right.

628
00:34:35.380 --> 00:34:36.900
I am going to

629
00:34:37.900 --> 00:34:39.139
uh, uh, uh, uh,

630
00:34:41.139 --> 00:34:43.620
pull up a budget I did for y'all.

631
00:34:44.540 --> 00:34:45.980
Blank budget.

632
00:34:45.980 --> 00:34:46.980
I'm gonna pull it up

633
00:34:48.540 --> 00:34:52.219
and I'm gonna go ahead and share the screen.

634
00:34:52.219 --> 00:34:54.460
So here's what it takes to do a budget.

635
00:34:55.340 --> 00:34:58.860
Now there are lots of great apps to do it too.

636
00:34:58.860 --> 00:35:00.200
And let me.

637
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.980
Where did I go?

638
00:35:03.980 --> 00:35:06.300
Where did my little budget go?

639
00:35:06.300 --> 00:35:08.540
Hold on, see, I thought I shared.

640
00:35:08.540 --> 00:35:13.540
Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch.

641
00:35:13.600 --> 00:35:16.000
Let me stop sharing for just a second.

642
00:35:16.000 --> 00:35:18.000
I'll get my file up.

643
00:35:18.000 --> 00:35:18.840
There we go.

644
00:35:22.880 --> 00:35:25.120
All right, so there's a lot, there's a couple of sources

645
00:35:25.120 --> 00:35:26.320
and I was actually gonna, you know,

646
00:35:26.320 --> 00:35:28.240
Jackie and I kind of went back and forth

647
00:35:28.240 --> 00:35:29.380
and Dave and I went back and forth

648
00:35:29.700 --> 00:35:32.420
about whether or not I was gonna share some apps out there.

649
00:35:32.420 --> 00:35:35.540
But so many, there's so many different ones out there.

650
00:35:35.540 --> 00:35:37.740
I didn't want to necessarily be held

651
00:35:37.740 --> 00:35:39.780
kind of like accountable to it,

652
00:35:39.780 --> 00:35:41.860
but all you have to do is Google

653
00:35:41.860 --> 00:35:44.420
and find out about money apps.

654
00:35:44.420 --> 00:35:46.900
But here's what I'm gonna make available to you guys.

655
00:35:46.900 --> 00:35:49.580
Here's the very least that you need to do.

656
00:35:49.580 --> 00:35:52.380
I want you to create a column of what you think,

657
00:35:52.380 --> 00:35:54.420
you've never seen this, right?

658
00:35:54.420 --> 00:35:57.500
I want to create a column of what you think your income is.

659
00:35:57.500 --> 00:36:00.580
Now, this whole less reserve for taxes,

660
00:36:00.580 --> 00:36:03.900
that's if you are 1099, you have to do on your own taxes.

661
00:36:03.900 --> 00:36:06.200
Otherwise, if you already know what your net income is,

662
00:36:06.200 --> 00:36:08.020
that's your take-home pay.

663
00:36:08.020 --> 00:36:12.020
Here's the kind of things I need you to for one month.

664
00:36:12.020 --> 00:36:14.060
For one month, we're gonna encourage you

665
00:36:14.060 --> 00:36:15.740
to look at your budget.

666
00:36:15.740 --> 00:36:17.380
You're gonna look at all of the things.

667
00:36:17.380 --> 00:36:19.140
Now, they may not come to you.

668
00:36:19.140 --> 00:36:20.380
You may not have all of these.

669
00:36:20.380 --> 00:36:22.300
Your mortgage might be a rent.

670
00:36:22.300 --> 00:36:23.920
Many people have their mortgage

671
00:36:23.920 --> 00:36:26.180
that has their taxes insurance included in it.

672
00:36:26.180 --> 00:36:27.460
Do you have an HOA?

673
00:36:28.300 --> 00:36:29.140
Do you have a car?

674
00:36:29.140 --> 00:36:32.260
A car payment, car insurance, car gas, cars, repairs,

675
00:36:32.260 --> 00:36:33.100
cleaning.

676
00:36:33.100 --> 00:36:34.900
Do you have medical insurance, medical bills,

677
00:36:34.900 --> 00:36:37.860
medical prescriptions, short-term disability,

678
00:36:37.860 --> 00:36:39.140
long-term life insurance?

679
00:36:39.140 --> 00:36:42.140
Do you have a therapist, a fitness coach, other?

680
00:36:42.140 --> 00:36:44.060
Let's talk about your subscriptions,

681
00:36:44.060 --> 00:36:46.860
your TV and streaming apps, your gym,

682
00:36:46.860 --> 00:36:48.940
things like last year single and online dating,

683
00:36:48.940 --> 00:36:52.900
Spotify, Netflix, Pandora, Marco Polo, games, others.

684
00:36:52.900 --> 00:36:53.940
Do you have a pet?

685
00:36:53.940 --> 00:36:55.460
Pet are not for you.

686
00:36:55.620 --> 00:36:56.700
Do you have a pet?

687
00:36:56.700 --> 00:36:59.100
Pet are not, pets are not free.

688
00:36:59.100 --> 00:37:01.580
Dog food, dog insurance, dog medical,

689
00:37:01.580 --> 00:37:03.540
doggie daycare, doggie grooming,

690
00:37:03.540 --> 00:37:06.100
your grocery store, the drug store.

691
00:37:06.100 --> 00:37:08.220
And I put the groceries for your grocery store.

692
00:37:08.220 --> 00:37:10.580
It could be Costco, wherever you shop.

693
00:37:10.580 --> 00:37:12.900
Everyday items for your like,

694
00:37:12.900 --> 00:37:17.060
if you go to the CVS or Target for your shampoo and stuff,

695
00:37:17.060 --> 00:37:18.500
you're gonna wanna put that in there.

696
00:37:18.500 --> 00:37:21.420
And then I put like other items.

697
00:37:21.420 --> 00:37:24.020
Ladies, we all have our online subscriptions

698
00:37:24.020 --> 00:37:25.660
for skin, hair and makeup.

699
00:37:25.660 --> 00:37:28.180
Do you get your hair done, your nails done, your skin?

700
00:37:28.180 --> 00:37:29.620
Do you get a massage?

701
00:37:29.620 --> 00:37:30.580
All of the things.

702
00:37:30.580 --> 00:37:32.980
And then entertainment, dining out,

703
00:37:32.980 --> 00:37:35.660
entertainment, clothing, gifts, travel.

704
00:37:35.660 --> 00:37:37.900
Do you have credit cards at a store?

705
00:37:37.900 --> 00:37:38.860
Do you have a savings?

706
00:37:38.860 --> 00:37:39.900
Do you have 401k?

707
00:37:39.900 --> 00:37:43.660
Now your 401k might already be coming out in your paycheck.

708
00:37:43.660 --> 00:37:44.500
Do you tithe?

709
00:37:44.500 --> 00:37:47.020
Do you give a nonprofit organization?

710
00:37:47.020 --> 00:37:49.700
So kind of like, so that, and then I also do this.

711
00:37:49.700 --> 00:37:53.780
I personally mark off which things are auto-draft,

712
00:37:54.540 --> 00:37:56.340
which things I have set up as a bill pay,

713
00:37:56.340 --> 00:37:59.700
which things I write out a check for, I give online.

714
00:37:59.700 --> 00:38:00.780
Do I use Venmo?

715
00:38:00.780 --> 00:38:02.140
Do I use debit card?

716
00:38:02.140 --> 00:38:03.340
Do I use cash?

717
00:38:03.340 --> 00:38:04.740
So it's gonna be the first thing you're doing.

718
00:38:04.740 --> 00:38:06.580
It's like, what do you think it is?

719
00:38:06.580 --> 00:38:09.020
And then for a whole month,

720
00:38:09.020 --> 00:38:11.360
you're gonna find out what the truth is.

721
00:38:11.360 --> 00:38:13.540
So this is just one way to do it.

722
00:38:13.540 --> 00:38:16.420
I'm gonna make that spreadsheet available to you guys

723
00:38:16.420 --> 00:38:21.420
because in the fitness world, when we track our macros,

724
00:38:22.020 --> 00:38:23.940
one of the things our coach says to us

725
00:38:23.940 --> 00:38:26.580
is you have to count all BLTs.

726
00:38:26.580 --> 00:38:28.940
That means bites, licks, and tastes.

727
00:38:28.940 --> 00:38:31.060
So a lot of times when you're cooking,

728
00:38:31.060 --> 00:38:32.580
you don't count the lick of food,

729
00:38:32.580 --> 00:38:33.700
but you can like, you know,

730
00:38:33.700 --> 00:38:37.220
you can make cake for your husband or your children.

731
00:38:37.220 --> 00:38:39.260
And you're like, oh, I had none of the cupcakes,

732
00:38:39.260 --> 00:38:41.780
but you forgot that you licked the bowl like four times.

733
00:38:41.780 --> 00:38:45.500
So you probably ate 300 calories just by licking the bowl.

734
00:38:45.500 --> 00:38:47.260
And so the same applies here

735
00:38:47.260 --> 00:38:49.180
when you're putting together your budget.

736
00:38:49.180 --> 00:38:52.140
If you're gonna look at your budget for a month,

737
00:38:52.140 --> 00:38:55.100
you've gotta look at every little thing

738
00:38:55.100 --> 00:38:56.900
that you spend money on.

739
00:38:56.900 --> 00:39:01.460
The first month is just about becoming honest with yourself.

740
00:39:01.460 --> 00:39:03.580
I'm not even asking you to change your habit

741
00:39:03.580 --> 00:39:04.540
in the first month.

742
00:39:04.540 --> 00:39:08.140
The first month, we're just asking you to look at it.

743
00:39:08.140 --> 00:39:10.980
I can tell you some of the suggestions,

744
00:39:10.980 --> 00:39:13.220
and then once you take a look at it,

745
00:39:13.220 --> 00:39:15.700
are you spending more than you're making?

746
00:39:16.540 --> 00:39:19.460
Can anything come off that list?

747
00:39:19.460 --> 00:39:21.820
If nothing can come off that list

748
00:39:21.820 --> 00:39:23.900
and you've already tweaked it,

749
00:39:23.900 --> 00:39:26.660
are you willing to get another part-time job?

750
00:39:26.660 --> 00:39:28.060
There are so many ways.

751
00:39:28.060 --> 00:39:31.540
Jackie has been so honest about her days with DoorDash

752
00:39:31.540 --> 00:39:32.780
and stuff over the years.

753
00:39:32.780 --> 00:39:35.060
Are you willing to do a side hustle?

754
00:39:35.060 --> 00:39:38.300
DoorDash, Uber, grocery shopper, retail, restaurant,

755
00:39:38.300 --> 00:39:41.380
dog walking, y'all, you can make 20 bucks an hour

756
00:39:41.380 --> 00:39:43.820
walking a dog for like a lunch break.

757
00:39:43.820 --> 00:39:46.580
You can make some serious cash walking dogs.

758
00:39:48.020 --> 00:39:50.020
If you truly do not make enough money,

759
00:39:50.020 --> 00:39:54.180
you're gonna have to think about a way and humble yourself.

760
00:39:54.180 --> 00:39:57.300
Y'all, I have been willing to do just about anything

761
00:39:57.300 --> 00:39:58.900
in different seasons of my life.

762
00:39:58.900 --> 00:40:00.300
I'll go clean the toilets.

763
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.880
if I have to, like, do not be so prideful

764
00:40:03.880 --> 00:40:06.280
that you're not willing to do what it takes

765
00:40:06.280 --> 00:40:09.920
to match your revenue with your expenses.

766
00:40:09.920 --> 00:40:13.720
The other tip that a lot of investors will tell you to do

767
00:40:13.720 --> 00:40:16.740
is if you are miscellaneous spending,

768
00:40:16.740 --> 00:40:19.880
that miscellaneous spending is through the roof,

769
00:40:19.880 --> 00:40:21.320
do it in cash.

770
00:40:21.320 --> 00:40:23.800
We live in a Venmo debit card world

771
00:40:23.800 --> 00:40:26.880
and the data is clear that we spend, spend, spend

772
00:40:26.880 --> 00:40:29.640
because we don't see the cash dwindling down.

773
00:40:29.680 --> 00:40:31.880
And so after you do your budget,

774
00:40:31.880 --> 00:40:33.320
you found that, oh my gosh,

775
00:40:33.320 --> 00:40:36.120
I spend 500 bucks just on miscellaneous crap.

776
00:40:36.120 --> 00:40:38.920
Like I just whip out my debit card, I just whip it out.

777
00:40:38.920 --> 00:40:41.760
I want you to consider pulling out $400

778
00:40:41.760 --> 00:40:44.040
at the beginning of the month in cash

779
00:40:44.040 --> 00:40:46.520
and start learning how to pay cash everywhere you go.

780
00:40:46.520 --> 00:40:48.920
Believe it or not, some of us are old enough.

781
00:40:48.920 --> 00:40:51.560
That's actually the way we used to have to pay for stuff.

782
00:40:51.560 --> 00:40:55.600
And so if you definitely use your debit card too much

783
00:40:55.600 --> 00:40:59.120
or Venmo too much or online spending too much,

784
00:40:59.560 --> 00:41:02.880
I encourage you to consider cash as a way to do it.

785
00:41:02.880 --> 00:41:05.360
So learning to live within your means,

786
00:41:05.360 --> 00:41:06.760
that's super important.

787
00:41:06.760 --> 00:41:09.920
The other is invest wisely.

788
00:41:09.920 --> 00:41:11.280
I will say this to you guys.

789
00:41:11.280 --> 00:41:14.480
I was so embarrassed to go meet with a financial planner.

790
00:41:14.480 --> 00:41:16.680
How many people think you have to have a lot of money

791
00:41:16.680 --> 00:41:18.520
to go meet with a financial planner?

792
00:41:20.400 --> 00:41:21.320
Right?

793
00:41:21.320 --> 00:41:23.320
There's a lot of shame around that.

794
00:41:23.320 --> 00:41:24.600
Like, it's kind of like,

795
00:41:24.600 --> 00:41:26.800
you know how people believe you got to clean your house

796
00:41:26.800 --> 00:41:28.880
before the cleaning person comes over

797
00:41:29.640 --> 00:41:30.480
because you don't want the cleaning person

798
00:41:30.480 --> 00:41:32.400
to see how messy your house is.

799
00:41:32.400 --> 00:41:34.320
So you clean before they come over.

800
00:41:34.320 --> 00:41:35.760
That's how a lot of us feel

801
00:41:35.760 --> 00:41:37.860
about meeting with a financial planner.

802
00:41:37.860 --> 00:41:39.480
You guys, that's what they're there for.

803
00:41:39.480 --> 00:41:41.480
If you think that like, oh my gosh,

804
00:41:41.480 --> 00:41:42.840
I don't have enough money,

805
00:41:42.840 --> 00:41:46.160
go contact your local library,

806
00:41:46.160 --> 00:41:48.800
contact your community resource center,

807
00:41:48.800 --> 00:41:51.080
and you will find that there are churches,

808
00:41:51.080 --> 00:41:54.240
financial planners that will help you sit down

809
00:41:54.240 --> 00:41:56.800
with your budget no matter what your budget is.

810
00:41:56.800 --> 00:41:58.600
Even if it's like a hot mess,

811
00:41:59.560 --> 00:42:02.520
if you don't know how to manage your finances,

812
00:42:02.520 --> 00:42:04.680
just like if you don't know how to manage your health

813
00:42:04.680 --> 00:42:07.520
or your nutrition or your exercise,

814
00:42:07.520 --> 00:42:08.640
you're going to go get help.

815
00:42:08.640 --> 00:42:10.240
So if everything I'm saying tonight

816
00:42:10.240 --> 00:42:11.880
has made you like kind of queasy,

817
00:42:11.880 --> 00:42:13.820
and you're just like, I don't even know where to begin.

818
00:42:13.820 --> 00:42:15.240
Renee, I'm not a finance person.

819
00:42:15.240 --> 00:42:16.440
I don't even know how to use Excel.

820
00:42:16.440 --> 00:42:18.120
It's like, that's really pretty that you show that to me,

821
00:42:18.120 --> 00:42:19.400
but I got nothing.

822
00:42:19.400 --> 00:42:21.320
So then that's why you need to sit down

823
00:42:21.320 --> 00:42:25.960
and be willing to let other people help you and guide you.

824
00:42:25.960 --> 00:42:29.120
They will help put you on a budget.

825
00:42:29.120 --> 00:42:30.840
So don't wait to do that.

826
00:42:30.840 --> 00:42:32.420
I will say this to you guys,

827
00:42:32.420 --> 00:42:33.920
and this is especially if you're younger

828
00:42:33.920 --> 00:42:36.760
and you're working for a company with 401k.

829
00:42:36.760 --> 00:42:40.200
You guys, I of course was the CEO of Hope Clinic,

830
00:42:40.200 --> 00:42:43.640
and I used to see how much people invested in our 401k.

831
00:42:43.640 --> 00:42:47.880
Hope Clinic matched up to 8% of people's 401k.

832
00:42:47.880 --> 00:42:50.000
Do you know how many people never,

833
00:42:50.000 --> 00:42:52.360
ever took any of that money?

834
00:42:52.360 --> 00:42:55.920
I would budget for it in our expenses year after year.

835
00:42:56.760 --> 00:42:59.440
Everybody taking the full 8%.

836
00:42:59.440 --> 00:43:04.440
I'm lucky if a third of the people took 2%.

837
00:43:05.160 --> 00:43:08.920
So you are leaving money on the table.

838
00:43:08.920 --> 00:43:10.640
I don't care if you've only got 10 bucks

839
00:43:10.640 --> 00:43:13.840
to put in your 401k, but if your company is matching,

840
00:43:13.840 --> 00:43:16.040
you are throwing money away

841
00:43:16.040 --> 00:43:18.180
by not investing any of that money.

842
00:43:19.560 --> 00:43:22.760
So that's what we wanna talk about, living with your means.

843
00:43:22.760 --> 00:43:26.280
So it's living within your means and investing wisely.

844
00:43:26.280 --> 00:43:29.600
The second one is eliminating debt.

845
00:43:29.600 --> 00:43:32.120
We really need to learn how to eliminate debt.

846
00:43:32.120 --> 00:43:34.280
Let me read you two verses on that.

847
00:43:34.280 --> 00:43:36.840
Proverbs 22, seven.

848
00:43:36.840 --> 00:43:38.700
The rich rules over the poor,

849
00:43:38.700 --> 00:43:42.760
and the borrower is a slave of the lender.

850
00:43:42.760 --> 00:43:44.960
Romans 13, eight.

851
00:43:44.960 --> 00:43:47.960
Oh, no one anything except to love each other

852
00:43:47.960 --> 00:43:51.960
for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.

853
00:43:51.960 --> 00:43:55.200
So you're like, okay, great, Renee, how do I do that?

854
00:43:55.200 --> 00:43:57.600
You know, actually one of the,

855
00:43:57.600 --> 00:44:00.920
I'm not at, Dave Ramsey does financial freedom.

856
00:44:00.920 --> 00:44:03.080
I'm not like, and he's actually right down the street

857
00:44:03.080 --> 00:44:04.840
from me and actually know him.

858
00:44:04.840 --> 00:44:06.960
I don't love everything that Dave Ramsey says.

859
00:44:06.960 --> 00:44:09.320
I think some debt is good, like a mortgage debt,

860
00:44:09.320 --> 00:44:12.040
but his financial freedom is a great program.

861
00:44:12.040 --> 00:44:15.080
And believe it or not, there are programs like that again,

862
00:44:15.080 --> 00:44:17.520
that are free for you through your library,

863
00:44:17.520 --> 00:44:19.520
through your community.

864
00:44:19.520 --> 00:44:23.600
One of the ways that he encourages for you to do that

865
00:44:23.600 --> 00:44:25.320
is kind of like that snowball effect.

866
00:44:25.320 --> 00:44:27.600
If you've got five credit cards,

867
00:44:27.600 --> 00:44:30.200
you pay minimum on the larger ones,

868
00:44:30.200 --> 00:44:33.920
and you look at the one with the smallest balance,

869
00:44:33.920 --> 00:44:36.560
and you're gonna start to pay that one off first.

870
00:44:36.560 --> 00:44:39.640
So say everything else gets, you know, a hundred bucks,

871
00:44:39.640 --> 00:44:40.840
but you're gonna put, you know,

872
00:44:40.840 --> 00:44:43.820
150 bucks a month or whatever towards this one.

873
00:44:43.820 --> 00:44:46.020
And then as soon as you pay off that one,

874
00:44:46.020 --> 00:44:48.880
you take the money that was going into that one

875
00:44:48.880 --> 00:44:50.400
and add it to the next one.

876
00:44:50.400 --> 00:44:52.240
And then you can add it to the next one.

877
00:44:52.240 --> 00:44:53.880
Sometimes people are gonna pick the one

878
00:44:53.880 --> 00:44:56.160
with the highest percent.

879
00:44:56.160 --> 00:44:58.180
If you own a home,

880
00:44:58.180 --> 00:45:00.280
you may wanna consider getting a home.

881
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:06.880
equity loan to consolidate all of that debt. Because if you're paying a 22% credit card fee

882
00:45:06.880 --> 00:45:12.400
and you can get a home equity loan for 8%, you're going to immediately start saving money. Now,

883
00:45:12.400 --> 00:45:17.360
that doesn't mean you keep the credit cards going while you're working off the home equity loan.

884
00:45:17.360 --> 00:45:21.600
It means you shut down the credit cards while you pay off the home equity loan.

885
00:45:23.120 --> 00:45:28.400
I know other people have consolidated onto one credit card. They've transferred all the balances

886
00:45:28.400 --> 00:45:33.200
to one credit card and they closed all of the other ones out. The other thing that you guys

887
00:45:33.200 --> 00:45:38.080
can do, even though sometimes it's good to have a credit card, you can actually call them and

888
00:45:38.080 --> 00:45:43.040
lower the balance. So sometimes if you've been racking up credit card debt, they might go,

889
00:45:43.040 --> 00:45:48.560
oh my gosh, you just qualified for $25,000. You call them and you're like, get no, don't give me

890
00:45:48.560 --> 00:45:54.400
a $25,000 credit limit. You're going to knock that sucker back. And so you want to be able to do that.

891
00:45:55.280 --> 00:46:00.480
The other thing that Dave Ramsey will talk about is while you're paying off your debt,

892
00:46:01.120 --> 00:46:04.960
and I didn't really believe this for the longest time, but it really makes sense.

893
00:46:04.960 --> 00:46:09.600
For the longest time, when I was just paying off student loan debt and paying off debt,

894
00:46:09.600 --> 00:46:14.720
I wasn't saving anything and I wasn't putting any money into my 401k. And thank God,

895
00:46:14.720 --> 00:46:19.600
healthy financial people spoke into my life. They're like, start your savings account,

896
00:46:19.600 --> 00:46:24.800
start your 401k while you're paying off your credit card debt. Even if it's just 10 bucks a

897
00:46:24.800 --> 00:46:32.720
month, just start it, just start it. And obviously God talks about, and scripture talks about tithing

898
00:46:32.720 --> 00:46:37.280
10%. And so that's something that you're like, Renee, there's no way in heck I can get to 10%.

899
00:46:38.160 --> 00:46:43.760
So you might be looking at 10%. So I, every month I'm actually looking about like, okay,

900
00:46:43.760 --> 00:46:49.920
Renee, can I have 10% going to my debt? Can I have 10% going to my 401k? And can I have 10%

901
00:46:49.920 --> 00:46:55.520
going to my tie? Maybe I can't right now, but maybe I can start with 1%. Maybe I can start with

902
00:46:55.520 --> 00:47:03.040
$10. But starting the mindset of saving money for your present and saving money for the future is so

903
00:47:03.040 --> 00:47:08.560
important. The reason why we want to save at least that first thousand dollars as a rainy day fund,

904
00:47:08.560 --> 00:47:14.240
you need, like if the tire goes, your HVAC goes, you want to learn that you can start to pay for

905
00:47:14.240 --> 00:47:19.920
that stuff with your own cash and not your credit card. So it's super important that you start to

906
00:47:19.920 --> 00:47:25.360
save money, even while you're paying down debt, you want to be able to do that. So when you got,

907
00:47:25.360 --> 00:47:30.640
when you go back to that budget that we talked about before, if you have zero for savings,

908
00:47:30.640 --> 00:47:36.640
zero for tithing, you're not making enough money. You want to make sure that you make enough to put

909
00:47:36.640 --> 00:47:44.560
a little bit towards it. And then the next principle is to give generously. So I want to

910
00:47:44.560 --> 00:47:50.640
teach you to give generously. That's how you have an abundant life. Matthew 6, 19 to 21,

911
00:47:50.640 --> 00:47:56.080
do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy and where thieves

912
00:47:56.080 --> 00:48:02.000
break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven where neither moth nor rust

913
00:48:02.000 --> 00:48:07.680
destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your

914
00:48:07.680 --> 00:48:15.600
heart will also be. And then Acts 2, 44 to 45, and all who believed were together and had all things

915
00:48:15.600 --> 00:48:21.040
in common and they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to

916
00:48:21.040 --> 00:48:28.240
all as any had need. And so I want you to think about, and you know, when I, when I always would

917
00:48:28.240 --> 00:48:33.040
do the ask at the big fundraising event, I always used to say, I would like you to now consider

918
00:48:33.040 --> 00:48:39.200
giving your time, talents and treasures. So sometimes when you don't have the money, that

919
00:48:39.200 --> 00:48:46.080
nonprofit, your church would love your time. They would love your talent. Say you have a business

920
00:48:46.080 --> 00:48:51.200
and you're like, oh my gosh, you know, I've got this great bookkeeping business. I can donate two

921
00:48:51.200 --> 00:48:56.160
hours a week to my church, or I could do this. You know, like right now you guys, I'm going to

922
00:48:56.160 --> 00:49:02.400
seminary. So I am not working full time. I am not giving financially to my church like I normally do.

923
00:49:02.400 --> 00:49:08.320
So I make sure I go donate three hours a week. I go help in operations behind the scenes. Nobody

924
00:49:08.320 --> 00:49:13.840
sees me. It's grunt work, but it's stuff that I know how to do. And they're so grateful that I'm

925
00:49:13.840 --> 00:49:18.960
willing to give of my time because you guys, I know what my hourly rate is when I'm working. So

926
00:49:18.960 --> 00:49:23.520
it's like, uh, when I look at how many hours I'm donating to the church in the middle of the week

927
00:49:23.520 --> 00:49:28.480
with this kind of grunt work, I'm like, they're getting a really good tie that of that. So always

928
00:49:28.480 --> 00:49:34.560
consider how you can give your time, your talents and your treasures. All right. I'm going to bump

929
00:49:34.560 --> 00:49:40.480
you into a breakout room now, and I want you to write these questions down. So this is what you're

930
00:49:40.480 --> 00:49:45.360
going to do. You're each going to get, you're going to be in a group of four people and we're going to

931
00:49:45.360 --> 00:49:50.560
leave you there for 20 minutes. And it's like 10 minutes before the hour. So 10 minutes after the

932
00:49:50.560 --> 00:49:55.680
hour, we're going to come back and then we only have like 10 more minutes after that. So I promise

933
00:49:55.680 --> 00:49:59.920
that we're going to kind of make that coming back super important. Here's your first question.

934
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.000
In my home growing up, money was.

935
00:50:06.760 --> 00:50:09.320
In my home growing up, money was.

936
00:50:09.320 --> 00:50:11.560
So make sure you're writing those questions down

937
00:50:11.560 --> 00:50:13.040
because I know once we're gonna break out,

938
00:50:13.040 --> 00:50:14.640
you're not gonna see them.

939
00:50:14.640 --> 00:50:18.020
In my home growing up, money was.

940
00:50:18.020 --> 00:50:19.660
Your second question,

941
00:50:19.660 --> 00:50:23.800
when I think about my financial future, dot, dot, dot.

942
00:50:25.280 --> 00:50:28.560
When I think about my financial future, dot, dot, dot.

943
00:50:30.000 --> 00:50:34.600
Third question, when it comes to money,

944
00:50:34.600 --> 00:50:38.520
I would like to improve my dot, dot, dot.

945
00:50:39.520 --> 00:50:43.000
When it comes to money, I would like to improve my dot,

946
00:50:43.000 --> 00:50:44.360
dot, dot.

947
00:50:44.360 --> 00:50:47.080
And then the fourth and final question,

948
00:50:47.080 --> 00:50:50.360
one or two specific actions I could take

949
00:50:50.360 --> 00:50:55.360
in the next 30 days is dot, dot, dot.

950
00:50:55.520 --> 00:50:59.400
So commit to doing one thing different in the next 30 days.

951
00:50:59.400 --> 00:51:01.000
Now, if you guys are in a completely,

952
00:51:01.000 --> 00:51:03.400
you're like, oh my gosh, I'm in a great financial position.

953
00:51:03.400 --> 00:51:04.320
Just think of one thing.

954
00:51:04.320 --> 00:51:06.340
Maybe God wants you to be more generous.

955
00:51:06.340 --> 00:51:10.300
So the first question in my home growing up, money was.

956
00:51:10.300 --> 00:51:12.820
When I think about my financial future,

957
00:51:12.820 --> 00:51:14.000
that's the second one.

958
00:51:14.000 --> 00:51:15.960
Three, when it comes to money,

959
00:51:15.960 --> 00:51:18.360
I would like to improve dot, dot.

960
00:51:18.360 --> 00:51:20.560
And four, what's one specific action

961
00:51:20.560 --> 00:51:22.520
I can take in the next 30 days.

962
00:51:22.520 --> 00:51:25.040
So we do this breakout just like you do Heart Connect.

963
00:51:25.040 --> 00:51:26.720
There's gonna be four people.

964
00:51:26.720 --> 00:51:30.160
One person, very quickly, be willing to be the leader.

965
00:51:30.160 --> 00:51:31.960
Somebody else be willing to time it.

966
00:51:31.960 --> 00:51:34.680
You get one minute to answer the question.

967
00:51:34.680 --> 00:51:36.100
Top of mind, kind of what,

968
00:51:36.100 --> 00:51:38.380
so this is not a time for you to share your drama,

969
00:51:38.380 --> 00:51:41.480
trauma, financial debt situation with everybody else.

970
00:51:41.480 --> 00:51:44.000
These are really like kind of give your answer

971
00:51:44.000 --> 00:51:45.960
and then call on the next person.

972
00:51:45.960 --> 00:51:48.460
Everybody answers the first question.

973
00:51:48.460 --> 00:51:50.200
Everybody answers the second.

974
00:51:50.200 --> 00:51:51.520
Everybody answers the third.

975
00:51:51.520 --> 00:51:52.600
Everybody answers the fourth.

976
00:51:52.600 --> 00:51:55.540
If you don't get to all four questions, I will say this.

977
00:51:55.540 --> 00:51:57.820
If it looks like you're gonna run out of time,

978
00:51:57.820 --> 00:51:59.120
jump to question number four.

979
00:51:59.120 --> 00:52:02.780
I really want everybody to walk away with an action item.

980
00:52:02.780 --> 00:52:04.980
So I'm gonna get the breakout rooms ready.

981
00:52:04.980 --> 00:52:06.600
While I'm getting that ready,

982
00:52:06.600 --> 00:52:08.540
does anybody have a quick question for me

983
00:52:08.540 --> 00:52:10.300
about the breakout room?

984
00:52:10.300 --> 00:52:13.140
Let's see, we have, let me see how many people we've got.

985
00:52:14.220 --> 00:52:18.300
First, let's see what our head count is.

986
00:52:18.300 --> 00:52:22.940
All right, all right, so 125 groups.

987
00:52:26.540 --> 00:52:28.220
Breakout rooms.

988
00:52:31.700 --> 00:52:32.820
I'm really kind of bummed you guys

989
00:52:32.820 --> 00:52:34.420
because a bunch of people jumped off.

990
00:52:34.420 --> 00:52:39.420
I don't like, talking about money is really hard.

991
00:52:41.060 --> 00:52:43.260
All right, I've opened all the rooms.

992
00:52:43.260 --> 00:52:45.060
You've got 20 minutes.

993
00:52:45.060 --> 00:52:46.500
Go enjoy your time.

994
00:52:46.500 --> 00:52:49.640
Try to be honest, be loving, be kind.

995
00:52:49.640 --> 00:52:51.740
What's said in the room stays in the room.

996
00:52:56.540 --> 00:52:57.380
Okay.

997
00:53:09.260 --> 00:53:10.180
Where am I?

998
00:53:11.020 --> 00:53:13.100
I don't think I've been put in a room.

999
00:53:13.100 --> 00:53:15.620
Everybody's been put in a room, sweetie.

1000
00:53:15.620 --> 00:53:16.820
Look at you. Where am I?

1001
00:53:18.980 --> 00:53:21.340
There's a thing that's popped up

1002
00:53:21.340 --> 00:53:22.560
that should tell you where to go.

1003
00:53:22.560 --> 00:53:24.820
Some of you guys haven't found your room yet.

1004
00:53:26.540 --> 00:53:29.740
Oh, my window popped up, but then it disappeared.

1005
00:53:48.620 --> 00:53:53.260
Lauren, you need to go, Larissa, you go to room three.

1006
00:53:55.540 --> 00:54:00.540
I'm trying to find you, girl.

1007
00:54:14.580 --> 00:54:16.940
Sarah, you are room 18.

1008
00:54:25.540 --> 00:54:30.540
Sarah, you should have seen something pop up.

1009
00:55:30.000 --> 00:55:55.000
Thank you.

1010
00:55:55.000 --> 00:55:59.000
Candy, did you just hop on?

1011
00:55:59.000 --> 00:56:03.000
Yes, I was on here and then I had to hop off for a few minutes.

1012
00:56:03.000 --> 00:56:05.000
Let me bump you into.

1013
00:56:05.000 --> 00:56:12.000
Let me see if I like, let me bump you into. There's a group that only has two people let me bump you into 24.

1014
00:56:12.000 --> 00:56:14.000
Okay, what are they doing?

1015
00:56:14.000 --> 00:56:20.000
Oh, they're answering some questions that they haven't written down. So go on over there. Yep. Great. Thanks.

1016
00:56:42.000 --> 00:56:56.000
Okay.

1017
00:56:56.000 --> 00:57:02.000
Hi, I think I got kicked out or something happened I've been trying to log back in. Is there a group for me.

1018
00:57:02.000 --> 00:57:10.000
Yeah, there's one that's only got a few people in it so let me bump you to room 24, because I just sent candy there too so.

1019
00:57:10.000 --> 00:57:11.000
Here you go.

1020
00:57:40.000 --> 00:58:08.000
Okay.

1021
00:58:08.000 --> 00:58:36.000
Okay.

1022
00:58:36.000 --> 00:59:04.000
Okay.

1023
00:59:04.000 --> 00:59:32.000
Okay.

1024
00:59:32.000 --> 00:59:51.000
Okay.

1025
00:59:51.000 --> 01:00:00.000
Okay, well we are back from our breakout and as soon as I'm done with this summary of what's appropriate to ask at each stage of the dating relationship.

1026
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:01.240
I wanna hear from you guys.

1027
01:00:01.240 --> 01:00:03.840
I was able to actually scan the chat

1028
01:00:03.840 --> 01:00:05.600
while you all were in the breakout

1029
01:00:05.600 --> 01:00:07.600
and you guys had some really good suggestions,

1030
01:00:07.600 --> 01:00:09.600
really good ideas, really good answers

1031
01:00:09.600 --> 01:00:11.080
and I'm really proud of you.

1032
01:00:11.080 --> 01:00:13.520
I know finance is not a sexy topic.

1033
01:00:13.520 --> 01:00:14.360
It's not easy.

1034
01:00:14.360 --> 01:00:17.160
We would rather be talking about fun dating

1035
01:00:17.160 --> 01:00:19.320
and like woo-hoo kind of fun stuff.

1036
01:00:19.320 --> 01:00:23.120
But you guys, finances can be like the number one,

1037
01:00:23.120 --> 01:00:25.800
if not number two reason why people get a divorce

1038
01:00:25.800 --> 01:00:29.920
or their marriage falls apart because it impacts.

1039
01:00:29.920 --> 01:00:32.080
So many areas of a relationship.

1040
01:00:32.080 --> 01:00:35.640
And so no matter where you're at with your finances,

1041
01:00:35.640 --> 01:00:38.800
you wanna just have an honest time with God about that.

1042
01:00:38.800 --> 01:00:42.080
And so I'm so grateful that you all stayed and you are here.

1043
01:00:42.080 --> 01:00:44.440
So we're gonna talk about the kinds of questions

1044
01:00:44.440 --> 01:00:47.160
you can ask at level two dating,

1045
01:00:47.160 --> 01:00:51.360
level two early, later, level three early, later.

1046
01:00:51.360 --> 01:00:53.500
Okay, so level two early dating.

1047
01:00:53.500 --> 01:00:56.120
So remember, if you're coming here from phase two,

1048
01:00:56.120 --> 01:00:56.960
you're in phase two, you're like,

1049
01:00:56.960 --> 01:00:58.760
I don't remember what level two is.

1050
01:00:58.760 --> 01:01:01.600
Level two is discovery dating.

1051
01:01:01.600 --> 01:01:03.640
Okay, so it's discovery dating.

1052
01:01:03.640 --> 01:01:06.160
You're talking to more than one person.

1053
01:01:06.160 --> 01:01:09.040
So let me be clear, and this is not just money,

1054
01:01:09.040 --> 01:01:11.840
nothing in the first month,

1055
01:01:11.840 --> 01:01:13.800
you're not asking financial questions

1056
01:01:13.800 --> 01:01:16.760
in the first month or two of getting to know somebody,

1057
01:01:16.760 --> 01:01:19.040
level two discovery dating.

1058
01:01:19.040 --> 01:01:22.760
This is not the time to go into deep conversations

1059
01:01:22.760 --> 01:01:27.760
about your exes, your finances, sex, your trauma,

1060
01:01:29.680 --> 01:01:30.960
and your triggers.

1061
01:01:30.960 --> 01:01:34.840
You guys are telling your dates too soon

1062
01:01:34.840 --> 01:01:36.360
about your triggers.

1063
01:01:36.360 --> 01:01:38.000
Like, oh my gosh, that's a trigger.

1064
01:01:38.000 --> 01:01:41.120
Well, you can't explain a trigger

1065
01:01:41.120 --> 01:01:43.240
without telling the trauma.

1066
01:01:43.240 --> 01:01:46.840
So that is not level two discovery dating.

1067
01:01:46.840 --> 01:01:50.240
That is just not level two discovery dating.

1068
01:01:50.240 --> 01:01:51.940
Oh, Jen, I'm so glad to hear that.

1069
01:01:53.120 --> 01:01:56.680
And so keep it light.

1070
01:01:56.680 --> 01:01:58.600
So remember, level two dating

1071
01:01:58.600 --> 01:02:01.480
is getting to know who they are today.

1072
01:02:01.480 --> 01:02:03.140
When you talk about your past,

1073
01:02:03.140 --> 01:02:04.840
it's like, where do you went to school?

1074
01:02:04.840 --> 01:02:05.960
What did you do growing up?

1075
01:02:05.960 --> 01:02:07.800
What kind of activities did you do?

1076
01:02:07.800 --> 01:02:09.360
What kind of hobbies did you have?

1077
01:02:09.360 --> 01:02:11.600
What are your favorite memories?

1078
01:02:11.600 --> 01:02:13.760
You know, where did you live?

1079
01:02:13.760 --> 01:02:17.420
When you talk about your past, it's always high level.

1080
01:02:17.420 --> 01:02:18.720
Like, where do you like to do?

1081
01:02:18.720 --> 01:02:20.160
Like, what is important to you today?

1082
01:02:20.160 --> 01:02:21.200
What do you wanna do in the future?

1083
01:02:21.200 --> 01:02:24.240
So level two discovery dating, high level.

1084
01:02:24.240 --> 01:02:28.560
It's really hard in the early part of level two dating

1085
01:02:28.560 --> 01:02:30.400
to go into finances.

1086
01:02:30.400 --> 01:02:33.560
But now you're like, okay, I'm a month in,

1087
01:02:33.560 --> 01:02:36.080
I'm four dates in with this gal or guy.

1088
01:02:36.080 --> 01:02:38.620
We're talking about being exclusive.

1089
01:02:38.620 --> 01:02:40.200
But I need to know that like,

1090
01:02:40.200 --> 01:02:42.200
and Janet, I think there's a couple of people on here.

1091
01:02:42.200 --> 01:02:44.440
You're like, been there, done that.

1092
01:02:44.440 --> 01:02:46.220
I'm not dating a guy with debt.

1093
01:02:46.220 --> 01:02:48.320
And I feel y'all, like I do.

1094
01:02:48.320 --> 01:02:51.240
Because, you know, even Jackie has joked around

1095
01:02:51.240 --> 01:02:53.080
about like where they were financially

1096
01:02:53.080 --> 01:02:54.320
when her and David first met.

1097
01:02:54.320 --> 01:02:56.000
I'm like, yeah, but you were 32.

1098
01:02:56.000 --> 01:02:58.040
Like, I'm 56 years old.

1099
01:02:58.040 --> 01:03:03.040
So like, it way matters now than it did 20 years ago.

1100
01:03:03.040 --> 01:03:05.680
Like, there's a lot more time to catch up.

1101
01:03:05.680 --> 01:03:08.940
And so I get, if you're in your 50s or 60s,

1102
01:03:08.940 --> 01:03:10.720
that where somebody is financially

1103
01:03:10.720 --> 01:03:13.100
and how they handle money matters.

1104
01:03:13.100 --> 01:03:14.820
Because if they're in their 60s,

1105
01:03:14.820 --> 01:03:17.240
they have a lot of these habits that are not changing.

1106
01:03:17.240 --> 01:03:21.720
So here are some questions that are appropriate to ask

1107
01:03:21.720 --> 01:03:24.320
if you're thinking about being exclusive with them.

1108
01:03:24.320 --> 01:03:25.720
So feel free to write them down.

1109
01:03:25.720 --> 01:03:27.840
I got my little scribers.

1110
01:03:27.840 --> 01:03:30.680
You can say, hey, Candy,

1111
01:03:30.680 --> 01:03:34.260
without us disclosing our current financial status,

1112
01:03:34.260 --> 01:03:37.280
I would love to ask, you know, ask some questions

1113
01:03:37.280 --> 01:03:40.480
and let me know if you're open to having this conversation.

1114
01:03:40.480 --> 01:03:42.800
How do you feel about following a budget?

1115
01:03:42.800 --> 01:03:44.040
Do you have a budget?

1116
01:03:44.040 --> 01:03:45.880
Do you like having a budget?

1117
01:03:45.880 --> 01:03:47.280
Do you think it's crazy?

1118
01:03:47.280 --> 01:03:48.580
Do you kind of have one?

1119
01:03:48.580 --> 01:03:50.840
Are you a budget kind of person?

1120
01:03:50.840 --> 01:03:53.400
How do you feel about tithing?

1121
01:03:53.400 --> 01:03:56.500
How do you feel about saving for a rainy day?

1122
01:03:56.500 --> 01:03:58.000
How do you feel about how much

1123
01:03:58.000 --> 01:03:59.720
you wanna have for retirement?

1124
01:03:59.720 --> 01:04:02.640
Do you believe that you're gonna actually get to retire?

1125
01:04:02.640 --> 01:04:05.460
And is any of this a priority to you?

1126
01:04:05.460 --> 01:04:09.500
You guys, it's okay to find out before you go exclusive,

1127
01:04:09.500 --> 01:04:12.080
if you're dating somebody who doesn't believe in tithing.

1128
01:04:12.080 --> 01:04:14.760
And they might say, well, I believe in tithing,

1129
01:04:14.760 --> 01:04:19.100
but like only that 2% or net taxes.

1130
01:04:19.100 --> 01:04:21.740
Like no information they're giving you

1131
01:04:21.740 --> 01:04:24.160
is bad information or wrong information.

1132
01:04:24.160 --> 01:04:26.620
You're just starting to discover

1133
01:04:26.620 --> 01:04:29.580
what their relationship to money is.

1134
01:04:29.580 --> 01:04:33.340
You can also say, how do you feel about using credit cards

1135
01:04:33.340 --> 01:04:35.560
and holding a credit card balance?

1136
01:04:35.560 --> 01:04:39.220
Do you believe in purchasing items that are financed

1137
01:04:39.220 --> 01:04:42.440
like a house, a car, furniture?

1138
01:04:42.440 --> 01:04:45.060
House and a car, pretty normal.

1139
01:04:46.020 --> 01:04:49.420
But furniture, vacations, not so normal.

1140
01:04:49.420 --> 01:04:51.500
But there are some people that don't even believe

1141
01:04:51.500 --> 01:04:53.820
that you should finance a car.

1142
01:04:53.820 --> 01:04:56.340
They kind of feel like you should save money.

1143
01:04:56.340 --> 01:04:58.660
And when you have enough money to pay cash for a car,

1144
01:04:58.660 --> 01:05:00.420
you get a car that at least a few.

1145
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:06.320
years old. So these are the kinds of questions you can ask in level two. What's your relationship

1146
01:05:06.320 --> 01:05:11.520
with money? Do you follow a budget? How do you feel about tithing, saving, retirement? How do

1147
01:05:11.520 --> 01:05:16.880
you feel about credit cards? Again, you couch it at the front end. You're like, look, I know we're

1148
01:05:16.880 --> 01:05:23.040
not ready to start disclosing our information. I'm just looking to see what you think about this

1149
01:05:23.040 --> 01:05:28.400
stuff. So you want to say it ahead of time because you don't want them to start disclosing their

1150
01:05:28.400 --> 01:05:33.120
money because you might not be ready to disclose your money. Because remember, this is somebody

1151
01:05:33.120 --> 01:05:37.760
that you're not yet in an exclusive relationship. So you've been doing the discovery dating,

1152
01:05:38.960 --> 01:05:44.400
but you're like, I'm not going to even settle in exclusively if we don't feel the same way

1153
01:05:44.400 --> 01:05:49.680
about money. So this is where you start to find out their posture about money. Okay,

1154
01:05:49.680 --> 01:05:56.400
so now you've liked what they've had to say. Now you're in level three, exclusive dating.

1155
01:05:57.040 --> 01:06:02.160
Now, the minute you go exclusive, you don't immediately want to jump the gun on finance,

1156
01:06:02.160 --> 01:06:08.320
just like you don't immediately jump the gun on sex. So the next thing that you're going to ask,

1157
01:06:08.320 --> 01:06:15.360
so this is about midway through. You're starting to have more serious conversations. You might be

1158
01:06:15.360 --> 01:06:21.600
having conversations about parenting. You might be having conversations about, golly, well,

1159
01:06:21.600 --> 01:06:26.080
if we did get married, how do you feel like the mom could be at home? Do you feel like both people

1160
01:06:26.080 --> 01:06:32.560
need to be working? How do you feel about traditional gender roles? You might be tossing

1161
01:06:32.560 --> 01:06:38.240
those questions out there just to feel, right? So some of you are. If you're tossing those

1162
01:06:38.240 --> 01:06:44.720
questions out, here are more specific questions you can start to ask. Do you feel like you are

1163
01:06:44.720 --> 01:06:51.040
in target with your financial goals? Are you ahead? Are you behind? Again, you're not asking

1164
01:06:51.040 --> 01:06:57.680
for details in general. What are your, some of your financial goals in the next five years?

1165
01:06:58.320 --> 01:07:04.560
What are your retirement goals? What are some of your financial goals? And so you guys,

1166
01:07:04.560 --> 01:07:09.280
here's how you can say, here's how you can, like, if someone says to you, like, maybe you're getting

1167
01:07:09.280 --> 01:07:13.520
that question and you know, you're like, Erin, you're like, oh my gosh, what if I got that

1168
01:07:13.520 --> 01:07:17.280
question? How would I answer that without giving out too much information? So here's what I would

1169
01:07:17.280 --> 01:07:23.360
say for the next five years. All right. So I am in school. So I would say, you know what, right now

1170
01:07:23.360 --> 01:07:29.200
while I'm in seminary, I've actually paused, like I'm not working full-time on purpose. So I have

1171
01:07:29.200 --> 01:07:38.000
room for school. So I've paused saving and 401k, but I am committed to living within my means. I

1172
01:07:38.000 --> 01:07:43.280
make sure that I'm not going into debt in this season. So as soon as I'm out of school, I plan

1173
01:07:43.280 --> 01:07:49.120
on getting, you know, being full-time again, at least for the next seven years. So I can resume

1174
01:07:49.120 --> 01:07:56.160
my retirement and my savings. And, you know, my goal is to have, you know, enough between that

1175
01:07:56.160 --> 01:08:01.200
and my social security that I'd be able to live. I don't know if I'll be able to do that at 60 or 65

1176
01:08:01.200 --> 01:08:05.360
or 70, but you know, kind of that's my goal. So Erin, I've just told you a little bit about my

1177
01:08:05.360 --> 01:08:09.520
financial situation without telling you exactly about my financial situation. Does that make sense?

1178
01:08:10.160 --> 01:08:16.399
Like it kind of gives you an idea of it, but it's not divulging too much. I've not told them how much

1179
01:08:16.399 --> 01:08:21.680
is in my savings. I've not told them how much is in my retirement yet. I'm just starting to give

1180
01:08:21.680 --> 01:08:28.479
some answers. Here's another question. Do you have any areas that you have learned about with finances

1181
01:08:28.479 --> 01:08:32.960
or you've changed in the last few years? Because you might have somebody who might say something

1182
01:08:32.960 --> 01:08:37.680
like, you know what, when I was married the first time, we did not budget. We did not plan. And when

1183
01:08:37.680 --> 01:08:42.479
we got divorced, we just both got slaughtered. And I've really been starting over for the last

1184
01:08:42.479 --> 01:08:47.120
three years. I've put myself on a budget. I'm doing this. And I'm really proud of the decisions

1185
01:08:47.120 --> 01:08:52.319
I've been making in the last few years. And I really have plowed my way out of debt. And now

1186
01:08:52.319 --> 01:08:58.640
I'm starting to save. Like those are good answers because you're hearing somebody, again, you're not

1187
01:08:58.640 --> 01:09:03.920
getting the detail of how much debt, you're not getting into the detail, but you're starting to

1188
01:09:03.920 --> 01:09:10.319
hear what their mindset is. And now you're getting closer towards the end of maybe this

1189
01:09:10.319 --> 01:09:15.600
might be the guy. Hey, if you were getting remarried again, especially because you went

1190
01:09:15.600 --> 01:09:20.880
of what you went through in the past, how do you feel about combining assets? Are you a fan

1191
01:09:20.880 --> 01:09:27.520
of combine everything, prenup? Do you feel like there should be three checking account, yours,

1192
01:09:27.520 --> 01:09:34.960
mine together? How do you feel about that? And like no pressure. I'm just curious. You're

1193
01:09:34.960 --> 01:09:39.760
starting to ask those questions. You're level three. Now, again, that's like heading towards

1194
01:09:39.760 --> 01:09:44.960
the end of level three. You're thinking about Simbis. You're thinking about getting engaged.

1195
01:09:44.960 --> 01:09:51.680
So level three, marriage minded, y'all are like pre-engaged. And I will say this, you guys,

1196
01:09:51.680 --> 01:09:56.720
this is my opinion. I think you need to have the hard conversations

1197
01:09:56.720 --> 01:09:59.840
about finances before you put that ring on anyone's.

1198
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:01.320
and you find out.

1199
01:10:01.320 --> 01:10:04.240
You wanna make sure you know what you're getting into.

1200
01:10:04.240 --> 01:10:06.240
So in my last relationship

1201
01:10:06.240 --> 01:10:08.120
that I went all the way through Simbis with

1202
01:10:08.120 --> 01:10:11.920
a couple of years ago, we talked about money.

1203
01:10:11.920 --> 01:10:15.360
I was very transparent about what I was making,

1204
01:10:15.360 --> 01:10:18.000
what my savings were, what my goals were.

1205
01:10:18.000 --> 01:10:22.400
He, in theory, was very transparent with me.

1206
01:10:22.400 --> 01:10:25.580
Although some of the data was not adding up,

1207
01:10:25.580 --> 01:10:27.040
and I'm a finance girl,

1208
01:10:27.040 --> 01:10:29.440
and I could tell some of his answers

1209
01:10:29.440 --> 01:10:32.280
weren't adding up, and we were about to take Simbis,

1210
01:10:32.280 --> 01:10:35.440
and I knew finance was gonna come up and Simbis was like,

1211
01:10:35.440 --> 01:10:37.260
you know, I'm just gonna wait.

1212
01:10:37.260 --> 01:10:39.040
I'm gonna see how this plays out.

1213
01:10:39.040 --> 01:10:41.760
And then we get to the finance section,

1214
01:10:41.760 --> 01:10:43.000
and the finance week.

1215
01:10:43.000 --> 01:10:45.440
And that's when I started to see all the holes

1216
01:10:45.440 --> 01:10:48.680
in his story about the budget and about issues.

1217
01:10:48.680 --> 01:10:51.600
And so here was one of the best questions I ever asked him

1218
01:10:51.600 --> 01:10:55.240
during the financial disclosure conversation.

1219
01:10:55.240 --> 01:10:57.360
If we meet with a financial planner

1220
01:10:57.360 --> 01:10:59.320
and she starts to ask you questions,

1221
01:11:00.160 --> 01:11:01.800
will I find out new information?

1222
01:11:03.160 --> 01:11:05.000
Will I find out new information?

1223
01:11:05.000 --> 01:11:07.440
Because I said, you're trying to trip me up,

1224
01:11:07.440 --> 01:11:08.520
and I'm a finance girl.

1225
01:11:08.520 --> 01:11:10.280
I already know what I'm doing.

1226
01:11:10.280 --> 01:11:13.320
Will, oh no, oh no.

1227
01:11:13.320 --> 01:11:15.160
Okay, okay.

1228
01:11:15.160 --> 01:11:18.060
And y'all, we had a meeting with the financial planner.

1229
01:11:18.060 --> 01:11:20.280
She asked him hardcore questions,

1230
01:11:20.280 --> 01:11:23.520
and I just sat there like this, like popcorn.

1231
01:11:23.520 --> 01:11:25.240
I was just listening to this answer.

1232
01:11:25.240 --> 01:11:27.640
Y'all, he lied, he lied.

1233
01:11:27.640 --> 01:11:28.800
And the bummer was,

1234
01:11:28.800 --> 01:11:31.040
if he had just told me the truth from the get-go,

1235
01:11:31.040 --> 01:11:33.360
it was actually information I could have handled.

1236
01:11:33.360 --> 01:11:34.480
I don't wanna tell his story,

1237
01:11:34.480 --> 01:11:35.320
because it's not.

1238
01:11:37.080 --> 01:11:38.980
All right, let me see who needs to be muted.

1239
01:11:38.980 --> 01:11:41.160
I have a couple of people that need to be muted.

1240
01:11:41.160 --> 01:11:42.000
Let me go.

1241
01:11:43.760 --> 01:11:44.600
Okay.

1242
01:11:45.720 --> 01:11:47.160
And so I wanna make sure.

1243
01:11:47.160 --> 01:11:50.760
So here are some good Simbis marriage type of questions

1244
01:11:50.760 --> 01:11:52.400
that you can start to ask.

1245
01:11:52.400 --> 01:11:54.800
It is now time to start disclosing

1246
01:11:54.800 --> 01:11:56.540
your financial situation,

1247
01:11:56.540 --> 01:11:58.100
your obligation to your ex,

1248
01:11:58.100 --> 01:11:59.860
and your obligation to your children.

1249
01:11:59.860 --> 01:12:01.220
You may have adult children.

1250
01:12:01.220 --> 01:12:03.100
You may have already put them in the will.

1251
01:12:03.100 --> 01:12:04.940
They may already have a trust.

1252
01:12:04.940 --> 01:12:07.380
So if you are talking marriage,

1253
01:12:07.380 --> 01:12:09.140
you are getting ready to get engaged,

1254
01:12:09.140 --> 01:12:10.500
you are in the middle of Simbis,

1255
01:12:10.500 --> 01:12:14.000
you need to start disclosing the truth and the details.

1256
01:12:14.000 --> 01:12:15.420
You need to be prepared

1257
01:12:15.420 --> 01:12:17.860
to visit a financial planner together.

1258
01:12:17.860 --> 01:12:21.340
You need to start making financial goals together.

1259
01:12:21.340 --> 01:12:23.700
And you need to discuss now

1260
01:12:23.700 --> 01:12:24.820
how you guys are gonna manage.

1261
01:12:24.820 --> 01:12:26.740
All those questions we asked at the beginning,

1262
01:12:26.740 --> 01:12:29.660
who's paying the bills, who's managing the budget,

1263
01:12:29.660 --> 01:12:32.940
who's talking about taxes, who's talking about investing.

1264
01:12:32.940 --> 01:12:34.900
That's when you find out, I hate doing it.

1265
01:12:34.900 --> 01:12:36.220
I love doing it.

1266
01:12:36.220 --> 01:12:38.140
That's when you start to find that out.

1267
01:12:38.140 --> 01:12:41.460
So does that help kind of give the tier of questions

1268
01:12:41.460 --> 01:12:43.380
that you start to ask?

1269
01:12:43.380 --> 01:12:45.740
Because this is very personal stuff.

1270
01:12:45.740 --> 01:12:50.540
Women and men have been swindled out of money

1271
01:12:50.540 --> 01:12:54.300
because they've disclosed their financial position too soon,

1272
01:12:54.300 --> 01:12:55.780
or they've been taken advantage of.

1273
01:12:55.780 --> 01:12:58.500
So we wanna make sure you are smart and protective

1274
01:12:58.500 --> 01:13:00.300
with your financial information.

1275
01:13:00.300 --> 01:13:03.280
Okay, I wanna open it up to questions,

1276
01:13:03.280 --> 01:13:06.180
comments, clarifications.

1277
01:13:06.180 --> 01:13:08.620
Just go ahead and raise your avatar hand

1278
01:13:08.620 --> 01:13:10.680
and I will call on you.

1279
01:13:10.680 --> 01:13:12.420
Or if there was something that somebody said

1280
01:13:12.420 --> 01:13:13.500
during the breakout, you're like,

1281
01:13:13.500 --> 01:13:15.260
oh my gosh, that was genius.

1282
01:13:15.260 --> 01:13:17.220
I'm okay if the best thing you learned

1283
01:13:17.220 --> 01:13:18.340
was something in the breakout.

1284
01:13:18.340 --> 01:13:19.780
It don't need to be about me.

1285
01:13:19.780 --> 01:13:22.340
We just wanted to foster good conversation.

1286
01:13:22.340 --> 01:13:24.580
Anything that somebody, Heather, go ahead.

1287
01:13:31.620 --> 01:13:32.940
You're still muted though.

1288
01:13:36.380 --> 01:13:41.380
I just wanted to say your advice about going to a church,

1289
01:13:41.380 --> 01:13:45.300
your own church or community to find financial advisors

1290
01:13:45.300 --> 01:13:46.260
is spot on.

1291
01:13:46.260 --> 01:13:50.340
I was very surprised to find an estate planner guy

1292
01:13:50.340 --> 01:13:51.180
at my church.

1293
01:13:51.180 --> 01:13:54.540
And I'm like, I was intimidated going, you plan estates?

1294
01:13:54.540 --> 01:13:55.780
Well, I'm just a little old me.

1295
01:13:55.780 --> 01:13:58.900
I'm a school teacher, but I don't do spreadsheets.

1296
01:13:58.900 --> 01:14:00.420
And could you just look at my budget?

1297
01:14:00.420 --> 01:14:01.980
And I just gave him everything.

1298
01:14:01.980 --> 01:14:04.820
I did it totally, imperfectly.

1299
01:14:04.820 --> 01:14:06.640
He made the whole budget for me.

1300
01:14:07.580 --> 01:14:09.280
We ended up even talking about dating

1301
01:14:09.280 --> 01:14:11.660
and he and his wife are precious, you know,

1302
01:14:11.660 --> 01:14:13.100
sneaking into my life.

1303
01:14:13.100 --> 01:14:13.940
Yeah.

1304
01:14:13.940 --> 01:14:14.760
I love that, Heather.

1305
01:14:14.760 --> 01:14:16.020
Thank you for saying that because you know what?

1306
01:14:16.020 --> 01:14:19.060
There's a lot of guys that are retired CFOs

1307
01:14:19.060 --> 01:14:21.500
that are on the finance team at the church.

1308
01:14:21.500 --> 01:14:24.940
And that's just their way of giving back to the community.

1309
01:14:24.940 --> 01:14:26.620
That's exactly who he is.

1310
01:14:26.620 --> 01:14:28.340
He used to work for Warner Brothers

1311
01:14:28.340 --> 01:14:31.380
and now he just helps brothers and sisters at church.

1312
01:14:31.380 --> 01:14:32.220
I love it.

1313
01:14:32.220 --> 01:14:33.040
Thank you for that.

1314
01:14:33.040 --> 01:14:35.180
So you guys, everybody can find somebody

1315
01:14:35.180 --> 01:14:36.780
to help them with their finances.

1316
01:14:36.780 --> 01:14:37.620
That's awesome.

1317
01:14:37.620 --> 01:14:40.000
Any other questions, ideas, comments?

1318
01:14:41.820 --> 01:14:42.660
Melissa.

1319
01:14:43.700 --> 01:14:48.380
So just to clarify, were you saying to have a lot

1320
01:14:48.420 --> 01:14:49.940
of the financial conversations

1321
01:14:49.940 --> 01:14:52.260
before the ring goes on your finger?

1322
01:14:52.260 --> 01:14:54.380
Hey, that's just me.

1323
01:14:54.380 --> 01:14:57.940
I mean, I feel like I am not gonna,

1324
01:14:57.940 --> 01:15:00.060
I feel like at 56 years old, I.

1325
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:02.280
I'm not gonna say yes to marriage.

1326
01:15:02.280 --> 01:15:05.440
If I say yes to marriage and then a day later,

1327
01:15:05.440 --> 01:15:08.880
I find out that he's a million dollars in debt,

1328
01:15:08.880 --> 01:15:10.000
I got a problem with that.

1329
01:15:10.000 --> 01:15:12.480
Or he owes the IRS a half a million dollars

1330
01:15:12.480 --> 01:15:15.300
or he's not filed his taxes in five years.

1331
01:15:15.300 --> 01:15:16.480
I got a problem with that.

1332
01:15:16.480 --> 01:15:19.160
Like for me, finance is a pretty big thing.

1333
01:15:19.160 --> 01:15:21.980
So for me, I can't tell you guys that,

1334
01:15:21.980 --> 01:15:25.160
but for me, I think you need to start

1335
01:15:25.160 --> 01:15:28.440
unpacking some conversation about that.

1336
01:15:28.440 --> 01:15:33.120
Now, I'm not saying that he's shown you his bank statement,

1337
01:15:33.120 --> 01:15:34.480
but he's giving you an idea.

1338
01:15:34.480 --> 01:15:36.640
You guys are being really clear at this point.

1339
01:15:36.640 --> 01:15:38.640
I'm not saying you've showed W-2s

1340
01:15:38.640 --> 01:15:40.300
and you've showed your bank statements,

1341
01:15:40.300 --> 01:15:43.480
but you've been very, very honest with where you're at.

1342
01:15:43.480 --> 01:15:44.680
That's just me.

1343
01:15:44.680 --> 01:15:47.480
Now again, I'm not saying you whip out

1344
01:15:47.480 --> 01:15:48.840
your account statements.

1345
01:15:48.840 --> 01:15:52.000
I'm saying you have the very honest conversation.

1346
01:15:52.000 --> 01:15:53.720
Here's how much money I make.

1347
01:15:53.720 --> 01:15:56.280
Here's how much I have in savings in my retirement.

1348
01:15:56.280 --> 01:15:57.900
Here's how much I have in debt.

1349
01:15:57.940 --> 01:16:00.820
So you're starting to be more verbally honest

1350
01:16:00.820 --> 01:16:03.140
about your financial position.

1351
01:16:03.140 --> 01:16:04.560
I think that's very different

1352
01:16:04.560 --> 01:16:06.580
than handing over account codes.

1353
01:16:06.580 --> 01:16:07.780
Okay, make sense?

1354
01:16:07.780 --> 01:16:08.980
Oh yeah, yeah.

1355
01:16:08.980 --> 01:16:09.860
Thank you.

1356
01:16:09.860 --> 01:16:11.380
You bet.

1357
01:16:11.380 --> 01:16:12.200
Alani.

1358
01:16:14.700 --> 01:16:16.160
Hey Renee, thanks so much.

1359
01:16:17.620 --> 01:16:18.620
Let's see.

1360
01:16:18.620 --> 01:16:20.640
I don't quite have my question formulated,

1361
01:16:20.640 --> 01:16:23.540
but I did write an update on this topic

1362
01:16:23.540 --> 01:16:25.460
on the weekly roll call.

1363
01:16:25.460 --> 01:16:29.780
And the topic of what do you do for a living came up

1364
01:16:29.780 --> 01:16:32.580
and how his lifestyle came up.

1365
01:16:32.580 --> 01:16:35.060
And I wasn't judging him,

1366
01:16:35.060 --> 01:16:39.860
but I could tell off the bat that I was worried

1367
01:16:39.860 --> 01:16:42.660
that he was not gonna be the type that could provide

1368
01:16:42.660 --> 01:16:44.820
if I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom

1369
01:16:45.700 --> 01:16:47.740
when kids came or something.

1370
01:16:47.740 --> 01:16:51.860
So I was not gonna give him another date.

1371
01:16:51.860 --> 01:16:53.900
The advice that was given to me

1372
01:16:53.900 --> 01:16:55.380
was like give him another chance.

1373
01:16:55.380 --> 01:16:58.820
Like, how do I know his financial state, et cetera?

1374
01:16:58.820 --> 01:17:01.940
But I was already like, no, thanks.

1375
01:17:01.940 --> 01:17:02.940
Just curious.

1376
01:17:02.940 --> 01:17:03.780
I would say this,

1377
01:17:03.780 --> 01:17:06.960
don't assume to know what their financial position is.

1378
01:17:06.960 --> 01:17:09.700
You don't know how much he's made in investments.

1379
01:17:09.700 --> 01:17:11.700
You don't know how much money he's getting.

1380
01:17:11.700 --> 01:17:13.300
He might be getting like,

1381
01:17:13.300 --> 01:17:14.940
his parents might have them in their will

1382
01:17:14.940 --> 01:17:16.580
and he's getting a million dollars.

1383
01:17:16.580 --> 01:17:18.500
He might be getting, he might be coming into money.

1384
01:17:18.500 --> 01:17:19.340
So you don't know.

1385
01:17:19.340 --> 01:17:20.540
So I think it's okay.

1386
01:17:20.540 --> 01:17:23.760
But here's a great way to ask that question early.

1387
01:17:24.620 --> 01:17:25.520
Like you're dating a guy and you're not sure,

1388
01:17:25.520 --> 01:17:28.520
like, hey, are you considering,

1389
01:17:28.520 --> 01:17:30.840
are you open to having children one day?

1390
01:17:30.840 --> 01:17:32.900
Cause I would like to have children one day.

1391
01:17:32.900 --> 01:17:33.740
Yes, yes.

1392
01:17:33.740 --> 01:17:35.120
Cause that's a question you would kind of ask

1393
01:17:35.120 --> 01:17:37.200
pretty early on, right?

1394
01:17:37.200 --> 01:17:41.240
Hey, how do you feel about the wife staying home?

1395
01:17:41.240 --> 01:17:44.760
Is that something that you would be supportive of?

1396
01:17:44.760 --> 01:17:46.520
Oh yeah, I would totally be supportive.

1397
01:17:46.520 --> 01:17:49.560
So like, do you feel like you would be okay

1398
01:17:49.560 --> 01:17:52.320
then being the major breadwinner of a marriage

1399
01:17:52.320 --> 01:17:54.560
if your wife was staying at home?

1400
01:17:54.560 --> 01:17:57.240
That's how you can ask the conversation

1401
01:17:57.240 --> 01:17:59.760
to kind of see how he feels about that,

1402
01:17:59.760 --> 01:18:01.040
because that's his opinion,

1403
01:18:01.040 --> 01:18:03.120
whether it's you or somebody else.

1404
01:18:04.000 --> 01:18:07.380
So the truth is you may have already felt enough no's,

1405
01:18:07.380 --> 01:18:08.920
but we just never know, right?

1406
01:18:08.920 --> 01:18:09.880
Like we never know.

1407
01:18:09.880 --> 01:18:11.600
Not to mention you guys,

1408
01:18:11.600 --> 01:18:14.160
don't assume because like somebody's blue collar

1409
01:18:14.160 --> 01:18:15.320
that they can't make it.

1410
01:18:15.320 --> 01:18:17.080
Like my, both of my,

1411
01:18:17.080 --> 01:18:19.760
I come from a family of blue collar workers.

1412
01:18:19.760 --> 01:18:23.080
My brother owns an electrician business.

1413
01:18:23.080 --> 01:18:26.160
He has put three kids through college.

1414
01:18:26.160 --> 01:18:27.640
He just paid for two weddings.

1415
01:18:27.640 --> 01:18:31.440
His mortgage is paid off and Melissa has never had to work.

1416
01:18:31.440 --> 01:18:35.540
So don't assume that because his hands are dirty

1417
01:18:35.540 --> 01:18:36.640
and he doesn't wear a suit,

1418
01:18:36.640 --> 01:18:39.680
that he can't pull in the dough.

1419
01:18:39.680 --> 01:18:40.520
Tiffany.

1420
01:18:41.520 --> 01:18:44.940
Hey, so this is just an opinion.

1421
01:18:44.940 --> 01:18:48.740
If you choose to go down the prenup route,

1422
01:18:48.740 --> 01:18:50.140
which I don't necessarily believe in,

1423
01:18:50.140 --> 01:18:51.780
well, I really don't believe in prenups,

1424
01:18:51.780 --> 01:18:52.620
but if you choose to.

1425
01:18:52.620 --> 01:18:54.380
I don't either, but I figured it's a question

1426
01:18:54.380 --> 01:18:55.300
people might ask.

1427
01:18:55.300 --> 01:18:56.140
Right.

1428
01:18:56.140 --> 01:18:58.920
If someone chooses to do it,

1429
01:18:58.920 --> 01:19:01.340
pay attention to the negotiation phase of it

1430
01:19:01.340 --> 01:19:03.580
and who's negotiating for him.

1431
01:19:03.580 --> 01:19:05.100
Is it him negotiating?

1432
01:19:05.100 --> 01:19:06.780
Is it his lawyer?

1433
01:19:06.780 --> 01:19:08.380
And pay attention to how they talk to you.

1434
01:19:08.380 --> 01:19:11.500
Pay attention to what you will not get

1435
01:19:11.500 --> 01:19:12.500
and how they,

1436
01:19:12.500 --> 01:19:14.300
because people can say whatever they want to say,

1437
01:19:14.300 --> 01:19:16.380
but when they're kind of going through a divorce

1438
01:19:16.380 --> 01:19:18.220
and I've never been married or divorced,

1439
01:19:18.740 --> 01:19:20.580
but sometimes people don't care about you

1440
01:19:20.580 --> 01:19:22.660
when they're going through a divorce and they're not nice.

1441
01:19:22.660 --> 01:19:26.180
So just pay attention to that negotiation phase.

1442
01:19:26.180 --> 01:19:30.660
And if it gets lengthy, you might not want to do it.

1443
01:19:30.660 --> 01:19:32.260
I mean, speaking from experience,

1444
01:19:32.260 --> 01:19:34.700
it's like, what am I doing here?

1445
01:19:34.700 --> 01:19:36.220
That's really good.

1446
01:19:36.220 --> 01:19:37.040
It's really good.

1447
01:19:37.040 --> 01:19:39.960
I feel like the negotiation in any kind of contract,

1448
01:19:39.960 --> 01:19:42.280
the longer a negotiation takes,

1449
01:19:42.280 --> 01:19:44.100
the more that negotiations can happen.

1450
01:19:44.100 --> 01:19:45.860
Even when I've tried to hire people,

1451
01:19:45.860 --> 01:19:48.820
the longer that contract negotiation goes on,

1452
01:19:48.820 --> 01:19:50.620
I'm like, eh, this is probably not good.

1453
01:19:50.620 --> 01:19:54.180
Jackie has offered a really good alternative to a prenup

1454
01:19:54.180 --> 01:19:56.340
because she's not a fan of prenups either.

1455
01:19:56.340 --> 01:19:58.620
If you have, like, especially if you're divorced

1456
01:19:58.620 --> 01:19:59.940
and you've got grown kids.

1457
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:02.960
way to get around a prenup is to say like, look,

1458
01:20:02.960 --> 01:20:03.940
and I would be okay.

1459
01:20:03.940 --> 01:20:06.940
Like if I married a guy who has kids and grandkids,

1460
01:20:06.940 --> 01:20:08.780
if he says to me, Renee,

1461
01:20:08.780 --> 01:20:11.680
I really feel like my kids and my grandkids

1462
01:20:11.680 --> 01:20:16.160
should get the lion's share of the wealth that I created.

1463
01:20:16.160 --> 01:20:19.160
I'm gonna go ahead and put a trust in for them

1464
01:20:19.160 --> 01:20:24.160
so that if I die, the kids and the grandkids get this,

1465
01:20:24.240 --> 01:20:26.680
but everything else is gonna be in your name.

1466
01:20:26.680 --> 01:20:28.840
And so I will make sure that I'm also gonna

1467
01:20:28.840 --> 01:20:30.160
well take care of you.

1468
01:20:30.160 --> 01:20:32.640
So that is a way around a prenup

1469
01:20:32.640 --> 01:20:36.180
is that you can set aside estate money

1470
01:20:36.180 --> 01:20:39.440
designated to your children and your grandchildren

1471
01:20:39.440 --> 01:20:43.500
that kind of carves that part of your wealth to the side

1472
01:20:43.500 --> 01:20:46.400
so that if you marry somebody and it goes South,

1473
01:20:46.400 --> 01:20:49.320
that money for them is still protected.

1474
01:20:49.320 --> 01:20:50.160
Joanna.

1475
01:20:53.000 --> 01:20:54.600
Hey, it's Johanna.

1476
01:20:54.600 --> 01:20:55.840
Johanna, sorry.

1477
01:20:55.840 --> 01:20:57.240
That's okay.

1478
01:20:57.240 --> 01:21:00.320
Okay, so my question has to do with,

1479
01:21:00.320 --> 01:21:04.200
and this could be that he had this particular person

1480
01:21:04.200 --> 01:21:09.200
in my past was a very type A kind of pushy,

1481
01:21:11.280 --> 01:21:13.920
a little bit narcissistic tendencies.

1482
01:21:13.920 --> 01:21:16.080
I wouldn't say he's a full blown narcissist,

1483
01:21:16.080 --> 01:21:21.080
but I remember him asking, pushing pretty hardcore

1484
01:21:21.300 --> 01:21:23.280
in month two of our relationship,

1485
01:21:23.280 --> 01:21:25.720
like really wanting to go into those questions

1486
01:21:25.720 --> 01:21:27.840
about how much money,

1487
01:21:27.840 --> 01:21:31.080
like really wanting to get those details on me.

1488
01:21:31.080 --> 01:21:34.800
And back then, I didn't handle that so well.

1489
01:21:34.800 --> 01:21:36.680
I felt trapped and I was like,

1490
01:21:36.680 --> 01:21:38.280
but you know, like just wasn't prepared.

1491
01:21:38.280 --> 01:21:41.320
And I'm thinking now I'm just wondering

1492
01:21:41.320 --> 01:21:42.800
what are some good strategies?

1493
01:21:42.800 --> 01:21:44.260
What are some good tools?

1494
01:21:45.360 --> 01:21:49.760
If you do, that could be a yellow or red flag.

1495
01:21:49.760 --> 01:21:52.760
Yeah, that's a great, thank you so much for asking.

1496
01:21:52.760 --> 01:21:54.060
That's a really great question.

1497
01:21:54.060 --> 01:21:56.300
So a lot of times when I get questions

1498
01:21:56.300 --> 01:22:00.300
that are good questions, but it's too soon,

1499
01:22:00.300 --> 01:22:02.620
I try to affirm that first.

1500
01:22:02.620 --> 01:22:04.780
Like, oh my gosh, that is a really great question.

1501
01:22:04.780 --> 01:22:07.680
That's actually really important to me too.

1502
01:22:07.680 --> 01:22:09.380
I just feel like we're too early

1503
01:22:09.380 --> 01:22:12.500
in getting to know each other for me to disclose that.

1504
01:22:12.500 --> 01:22:15.140
However, I would like to, you know,

1505
01:22:15.140 --> 01:22:17.300
answer that question somewhat for now.

1506
01:22:17.300 --> 01:22:18.660
So here's what I can tell you

1507
01:22:18.660 --> 01:22:20.540
about how I feel about that now.

1508
01:22:20.540 --> 01:22:22.820
Here's what I feel comfortable telling you,

1509
01:22:22.820 --> 01:22:25.540
but I also would love to hear a little bit more from you

1510
01:22:25.540 --> 01:22:30.540
because you are asking this question pretty early on.

1511
01:22:30.540 --> 01:22:32.900
Have you had a negative,

1512
01:22:32.900 --> 01:22:36.020
did something in your past negatively affect that?

1513
01:22:36.020 --> 01:22:38.220
Do you have concerns that you wanna make sure

1514
01:22:38.220 --> 01:22:39.540
don't happen again?

1515
01:22:39.540 --> 01:22:42.860
Tell me a little bit more what's behind these questions.

1516
01:22:42.860 --> 01:22:44.460
So I tried to turn,

1517
01:22:44.460 --> 01:22:48.500
A, I tried to affirm them that they're great questions,

1518
01:22:48.500 --> 01:22:50.660
that it's probably a little too soon.

1519
01:22:50.820 --> 01:22:53.820
And I tried to figure out what part of that question

1520
01:22:53.820 --> 01:22:54.900
I'm willing to answer.

1521
01:22:54.900 --> 01:22:56.700
And I'm gonna say, look,

1522
01:22:56.700 --> 01:23:01.220
I promise you well before we would get down

1523
01:23:01.220 --> 01:23:03.160
any kind of too serious of an approach,

1524
01:23:03.160 --> 01:23:06.360
I feel like we would happily disclose that information

1525
01:23:06.360 --> 01:23:07.500
a little bit more.

1526
01:23:07.500 --> 01:23:09.540
Here's what I'm comfortable sharing now.

1527
01:23:09.540 --> 01:23:11.180
But I am really curious

1528
01:23:11.180 --> 01:23:13.460
because that is a very personal question.

1529
01:23:13.460 --> 01:23:15.580
Is there a part of your past where it's happened

1530
01:23:15.580 --> 01:23:17.380
that you're gonna be bringing in some of,

1531
01:23:17.380 --> 01:23:19.540
do you still have any fears about that?

1532
01:23:19.540 --> 01:23:20.700
I'm just really curious.

1533
01:23:20.700 --> 01:23:22.940
I'd love to know more kind of

1534
01:23:22.940 --> 01:23:25.360
what's underneath these questions.

1535
01:23:25.360 --> 01:23:26.780
It might tell me a little bit more

1536
01:23:26.780 --> 01:23:29.380
about why you're asking them so early.

1537
01:23:29.380 --> 01:23:31.860
Yeah, that's really great.

1538
01:23:31.860 --> 01:23:33.780
So it's kind of like, and that you guys,

1539
01:23:33.780 --> 01:23:35.580
those are the, that's how I would ask,

1540
01:23:35.580 --> 01:23:37.780
answer any question about,

1541
01:23:37.780 --> 01:23:39.380
tell me about your ex-boyfriends.

1542
01:23:39.380 --> 01:23:40.860
Tell me why you've never been married.

1543
01:23:40.860 --> 01:23:42.380
Tell me about this.

1544
01:23:42.380 --> 01:23:44.300
Like, gosh, that's a great question.

1545
01:23:44.300 --> 01:23:46.740
I would wanna know the answer to that too.

1546
01:23:46.740 --> 01:23:48.620
It's just not time for that.

1547
01:23:48.660 --> 01:23:50.460
But here's what I can tell you.

1548
01:23:50.460 --> 01:23:52.500
And I promise at the appropriate time,

1549
01:23:52.500 --> 01:23:53.960
we can bring that back up.

1550
01:23:53.960 --> 01:23:54.900
That's my answer.

1551
01:23:54.900 --> 01:23:56.420
Cause a lot of you guys ask that question

1552
01:23:56.420 --> 01:23:57.840
over and over again.

1553
01:23:57.840 --> 01:24:00.140
How do I not get into the deep conversations?

1554
01:24:00.140 --> 01:24:01.400
That's how you do it.

1555
01:24:01.400 --> 01:24:02.980
You say, great question.

1556
01:24:02.980 --> 01:24:03.980
It's appropriate.

1557
01:24:03.980 --> 01:24:04.980
Not now.

1558
01:24:04.980 --> 01:24:06.780
Here's what I'm willing to tell you.

1559
01:24:06.780 --> 01:24:09.020
Let's unpack that again later.

1560
01:24:09.020 --> 01:24:11.340
So what if, oh, I'm sorry.

1561
01:24:11.340 --> 01:24:12.420
I thought you were.

1562
01:24:12.420 --> 01:24:13.740
But now to your point though,

1563
01:24:13.740 --> 01:24:15.340
if they go, yeah, that's not good enough.

1564
01:24:15.340 --> 01:24:17.200
I need your answer right now.

1565
01:24:17.200 --> 01:24:18.440
I think you can just say,

1566
01:24:18.440 --> 01:24:21.600
then I'm not comfortable with that.

1567
01:24:21.600 --> 01:24:23.800
And so I feel like we're kind of at a crossroad

1568
01:24:23.800 --> 01:24:26.340
and if you need to move on,

1569
01:24:26.340 --> 01:24:27.480
then I respect that.

1570
01:24:27.480 --> 01:24:30.220
I'll be disappointed, but I understand it.

1571
01:24:30.220 --> 01:24:31.920
Is that where you were about to?

1572
01:24:31.920 --> 01:24:32.760
Oh, what I was about?

1573
01:24:32.760 --> 01:24:34.120
I was gonna go the other way.

1574
01:24:34.120 --> 01:24:39.120
What if it opens the Pandora box to the past

1575
01:24:40.600 --> 01:24:44.960
and all those fears that are behind that?

1576
01:24:45.960 --> 01:24:46.800
How would you know?

1577
01:24:46.800 --> 01:24:48.920
Yeah, that's also a great question.

1578
01:24:48.920 --> 01:24:51.200
And what you may need to preface it with,

1579
01:24:51.200 --> 01:24:52.520
because up until now,

1580
01:24:52.520 --> 01:24:54.120
you probably have already learned

1581
01:24:54.120 --> 01:24:56.040
if they are a vomiter, right?

1582
01:24:56.040 --> 01:24:58.760
Like up until now, like you learn pretty quickly

1583
01:24:58.760 --> 01:24:59.920
if people are gonna.

1584
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:01.900
share too much right away.

1585
01:25:01.900 --> 01:25:03.940
And so to your point,

1586
01:25:03.940 --> 01:25:05.500
like the guy that I most recently dated,

1587
01:25:05.500 --> 01:25:07.420
he just shared way too much.

1588
01:25:07.420 --> 01:25:09.980
Just, it was like, I was constantly reining it in.

1589
01:25:09.980 --> 01:25:11.540
And so I would just say like, look,

1590
01:25:11.540 --> 01:25:14.180
I do not want the details.

1591
01:25:14.180 --> 01:25:16.700
So please don't go down into the weeds.

1592
01:25:16.700 --> 01:25:19.060
But overall, tell me a little bit.

1593
01:25:19.060 --> 01:25:20.880
If he does start to go into the weeds,

1594
01:25:20.880 --> 01:25:24.260
you can be like, like, I've literally had to do this.

1595
01:25:26.100 --> 01:25:27.600
Okay, you're going into the weeds.

1596
01:25:27.600 --> 01:25:28.440
You know what?

1597
01:25:28.560 --> 01:25:30.760
I'm going to withdraw my question.

1598
01:25:30.760 --> 01:25:33.960
Sometimes I've said, I'm going to withdraw my question

1599
01:25:33.960 --> 01:25:35.960
because I really wanted you to stay high level,

1600
01:25:35.960 --> 01:25:39.220
but I can tell for you, you're not able to do that.

1601
01:25:39.220 --> 01:25:40.840
Which is why I want all of you guys

1602
01:25:40.840 --> 01:25:43.680
to learn how to tell pieces of your story

1603
01:25:43.680 --> 01:25:45.920
without going into detail.

1604
01:25:45.920 --> 01:25:48.400
Because we all need to learn the art to do that.

1605
01:25:48.400 --> 01:25:50.640
People are going to ask about your parenting,

1606
01:25:50.640 --> 01:25:52.860
your jobs, your exes.

1607
01:25:53.880 --> 01:25:56.280
They're going to ask you uncomfortable questions

1608
01:25:56.280 --> 01:25:58.920
and you have to learn the art of sharing enough

1609
01:25:58.920 --> 01:26:00.960
of the story to give them an answer

1610
01:26:00.960 --> 01:26:03.680
without vomiting the whole story.

1611
01:26:03.680 --> 01:26:06.460
And the more we can show doing that,

1612
01:26:06.460 --> 01:26:09.440
then they might be able to model that in return.

1613
01:26:10.520 --> 01:26:11.640
Thank you.

1614
01:26:11.640 --> 01:26:13.600
Great question, great question.

1615
01:26:13.600 --> 01:26:14.560
Anybody else?

1616
01:26:14.560 --> 01:26:17.220
Otherwise, I'm going to pray us out of here.

1617
01:26:17.220 --> 01:26:18.320
I'm so proud of you guys.

1618
01:26:18.320 --> 01:26:20.560
Thank you guys all for staying.

1619
01:26:20.560 --> 01:26:25.080
Actually, Erin Joy, would you mind closing us out in prayer?

1620
01:26:25.080 --> 01:26:27.180
You're just like right there on my screen.

1621
01:26:32.680 --> 01:26:34.080
Happy to.

1622
01:26:34.080 --> 01:26:39.080
Lord, oh Lord, you are equipping us so well

1623
01:26:41.080 --> 01:26:43.440
for the futures you want us to have.

1624
01:26:43.440 --> 01:26:48.440
And you are giving us wisdom to do the financial things

1625
01:26:49.240 --> 01:26:53.540
with our spouses beautifully and well

1626
01:26:53.540 --> 01:26:55.040
and in ways that glorify you.

1627
01:26:56.060 --> 01:26:58.700
And as we get ready for that,

1628
01:26:58.700 --> 01:27:00.980
sometimes we are going to have to look

1629
01:27:00.980 --> 01:27:04.820
at uncomfortable things in ourselves or our partners.

1630
01:27:04.820 --> 01:27:07.380
And so we thank you in advance for giving us the wisdom

1631
01:27:07.380 --> 01:27:10.300
and the courage to do that and do that well

1632
01:27:10.300 --> 01:27:11.220
and do that at the right time

1633
01:27:11.220 --> 01:27:14.200
and do that with a beautiful care

1634
01:27:14.200 --> 01:27:16.000
for the other person in their heart.

1635
01:27:16.900 --> 01:27:18.940
Thank you for this time with Renee.

1636
01:27:18.940 --> 01:27:21.340
Thank you for everything that she's shared.

1637
01:27:21.340 --> 01:27:24.300
Please help us to remember what's important for our lives

1638
01:27:24.300 --> 01:27:27.240
and to take that step that we intend to do

1639
01:27:27.240 --> 01:27:28.580
in the next 30 days.

1640
01:27:28.580 --> 01:27:29.700
Amen.

1641
01:27:29.700 --> 01:27:30.860
Amen.

1642
01:27:30.860 --> 01:27:32.940
All right, you guys have a great week.

1643
01:27:32.940 --> 01:27:33.780
God bless you all.