Tonight is Love Seats.
If you're new to Love Seats,
it is just group dating coaching.
I'm going to answer all the questions
that I have the answers to.
But as a community, we're gonna lean into some topics
that are affecting singles, especially Christian singles,
especially marriage-minded Christian singles
on this episode or this session of Love Seats.
But I have a treat for you.
First of all, I have a little bit of housekeeping
that I wanna do really quickly.
So the app is now open to our community.
We had our leaders on the app.
We had our moderators, our single city leaders.
We had everyone who's on our team in any way, shape,
or form, whether they are on our team
or they're a volunteer on our team.
We had them test out the app for the last few weeks.
When I tell you that there were lots of little glitches
and little things that needed to be fixed,
there were a lot.
But we felt comfortable enough to go ahead
and onboard phase three, our men's group,
and also phase three of our women's group.
And so all of you that are in phase three, or you're a man,
you should have gotten an email to join the app.
You should have got an email that gives you instructions
on how to download the app and how to create your account.
Now, for those of you that are like,
oh yeah, well, I tried to join the app
and I couldn't get on, but I'm not quite in phase three.
Well, that's why.
Because we only granted permissions, okay,
to the people in phase three.
It doesn't matter if you can download the app.
Of course you can download it.
It's in the store.
It's in the Apple store.
It's in the Android store.
I don't know what the Android store is called
because y'all's crazy.
I don't got an Android.
You have an Android, okay?
But I will tell you this.
You have a better camera than iPhones.
I will give you this.
You have better camera.
You do.
But everything else, I'm not that sure about.
I know nothing about these Androids.
But from the Google Play store,
you guys can download the app from any of those places,
but it doesn't mean that you can log into the app
or you can get on the app until we grant you permissions.
And right now, the only two groups of people
that we've granted permission are our team
and our volunteers, our men's group,
and our women that are in phase three.
Don't worry if you're in phase two.
I know you're here tonight
because this is a special preview of what's to come
when you get to phase three.
We didn't forget about you, okay?
We're gonna let you on,
but we have to do this in phases and in stages.
Otherwise, it's gonna be chaotic.
And so we have phase three coming over now.
If you're in phase three and you're like,
I didn't get an email, then check your spam,
check your junk, and if it's not there,
email us at admin at Jackie Dorman.
You guys know that there's just one O in my last name,
right?
It's not Dorman.
It's Dorman, like Norman with a D.
And you know why I'm asking you that?
Because so many of you tag me on Facebook
and you write out my name and you write it out Dorman.
And that's why that tag never gets to me
because that is not my name, all right?
Okay, so make sure it's admin at JackieDorman.com
and let us know in that subject line,
you know, phase three didn't get email for app, okay?
And then tell us in the body of the email, that's fine.
We're gonna go ahead and forward all of those emails
to our tech team because one or two things have happened.
We emailed you, but you just can't find it
or you are not subscribed to our emails.
All this time you've been with us
and you never subscribed to our emails,
which is why you have been out of the loop so much
during this whole process.
And so we gotta get you subscribed
so that you can receive our emails
and then you'll be able to get that email
and get on the app.
When you get on the app, go ahead and treat it
just like you would any other community or dating app
in the way that you need to fill out your profile.
Put your name in, put where you're from,
put a little picture of yourself there, okay?
Put a little profile picture.
I heard there's a few glitches with the profile pictures.
And so if it doesn't upload,
make sure that you use that Google form in the app
to let us know what glitches you're seeing
so we can fix those things.
Because we have a developer that we have paid
to develop this app for us
that is working on all of those tickets as we put them in.
And so make sure that you tell us right away, all right?
Okay, who's excited?
The app is so cool, you guys.
It's so easy to get on.
Who got on tonight's session from the app?
You just clicked on a little event calendar
and you clicked on the link.
Let me see your avatar hands.
Raise your little yellow avatar hand
if you came on here right from the app
and it was so easy peasy lemon squeezy
and you loved it and I love it.
There was no more, where's the link?
It's right there in the events.
Look it, so many of you.
So, so many of you got on right from there.
I love it.
Now you notice that there's a resource tab as well
in phase three, your path phase, your community phase.
There is a resource tab.
You notice that there's.
nothing under that tab as of right now,
but there will be soon.
There'll be the ability to book one-on-ones
with a heart work coach or a dating coach.
There'll be opportunities to get involved
with other programs, one-day workshops,
all kinds of different things that you guys have asked for,
that you need, that we have,
but we just haven't known how to give you access to it.
And so that resource tab is gonna be fully populated here
in the next couple of weeks,
and you will be able to get ahold of all the extra services
that you have been hoping and praying for, okay?
What else is on the app that you can't see?
Let me just show you my app quickly.
Let me show you my app.
Because I'm an admin and because I'm the owner of the app,
as you can see here, let me see if I,
all these groups exist on the app.
Ooh, look at all those groups, y'all.
And some of these groups you're gonna be invited to.
We have a married group on here for all of our alumni
that have gotten married through this program.
We have a group for our HeartConnect coaches and leaders.
If you would love to help out with HeartConnect,
we would love for you to help out.
Send us an email.
If you wanna volunteer in some way, shape, or form,
you love this community, you wanna give back to it,
we would love that.
We have a prayer leader group
for those that are in the prayer leader.
We have a heartwork certification program group.
For those of you that are like,
heartwork changed my life so much,
I wanna be a heartwork coach.
I would love to get trained to be a heartwork coach.
And guess what?
If you come, and you show up,
and you do the work, and the certification,
and you invest in yourself and in your own inner healing
to teach and to coach and heartwork,
we might even bring you on our team.
If you're gifted at it,
okay, just because people wanna do it
doesn't mean that they're necessarily good
at helping other people process their pain.
But if you are, and you know how to have good boundaries,
and you don't get all super involved
in other people's drama,
it's a possibility
that that could be a future thing for you.
There's a last trip single group.
Who wants to go on vacation with me?
I wanna go on vacation with you.
Who wants to go on vacation with each other?
Who wants to go on singles cruises and trips?
You guys, we have an all-inclusive Mexico trip
to an all-inclusive resort coming up
in the fall, in November.
We have a DC trip.
We have a Austin retreat.
We have a, is it Vandermuth?
We have a Christmastown retreat in the Midwest
that's coming up.
So many fun things.
We have that group on here.
What else do we have on here?
We have an all-community group.
That's where everyone shows up to mingle and meet each other
and look through each other's profiles and all the things.
All those groups are gonna be available really soon,
you guys.
We are just testing out the groups
that we're allowing you to have access to.
But all of those groups, if they pertain to you,
will be added.
Here's the fun part.
They will be added to your little kitty, right?
To your little thing.
And then you'll see them.
They'll be populated on your app,
the places where you can go and you're allowed to go,
the places you have access to.
And we'll send you an email letting you know that,
hey, you now have access to this group or that group.
Isn't that fun?
I know that I'm excited about it and I hope you are too.
All right, so that was the update on the app.
Pretty soon, we are going to be allowing people
or letting people or migrating people
over from the other phases
and opening some of those fun extra bonus groups.
Guys, we're even gonna have a Supernatural Saturday group.
How many of you have ever just been like,
man, I love Supernatural Saturday.
I wish that I had a group just to process that stuff.
Those supernatural things that are happening.
I wish that I had a place
where we could talk about that with each other, right?
And talk about our wins and our testimonies of what happened.
Yeah, that's there too, right?
The name of the app in the app store is Last Year Single
or Your Last Year Single.
And you guys, you can connect to it from your desktop
if you don't like to do things on your phone
and you can also connect to it through your phone.
Obviously, I do everything on my phone
and it looks so pretty on the phone.
It's just so nice.
And the desktop looks great too,
but very, very excited about you guys.
This has been four years in the making, in the coming.
And guess what?
Really soon at the end of summer-ish,
like mid-August to late August, early September,
we're gonna have our own matchmaking platform
complete with dating pool,
complete with algorithm generated matches,
complete with human matchmakers on our team
that look over those matches
and make sure that you're not getting some crazy,
you know, some crazy glitch in the matrix,
but you are actually meeting someone
who would possibly be compatible to you.
I'm just so excited, so excited about how far we've come.
And I'm so thankful that all of you have decided
to get on this crazy love boat.
vote with us, all right?
Yes, yes.
All right, so super, not super, I'm sorry, single spotlight.
Single spotlight is also gonna be something
that we do regularly.
I wanna encourage you, if you have access to the app,
you're in phase three and you have access right now,
please do most everything over there.
We really want to get you guys used to being over there,
navigating over there.
It has the same kind of thing as Facebook
where there's a community feed in your group
where you can talk to each other.
But unlike Facebook, there's categories to your posts.
You can put it under wins.
If you got a win, if you got a testimony,
you had a great date, you want everyone to know about it,
you put it under wins.
If you have a question for a coach,
you're like, man, I don't know what's going on.
I need to ask somebody.
You put it under ask a coach.
If you have a relationship milestone,
maybe you went level three with someone, you're exclusive,
you wanna shout it from the rooftops,
maybe you got engaged,
maybe you got married and you're still in the group.
It'll go into those relationship milestones.
Maybe you had a breakthrough that was platonic in nature
with a sibling or a parent.
It all goes under those relationship milestones tab.
Why is that?
That's where our coaches can look really quickly and see.
And that way your sisters can also see
and guys in your group, your brothers can see
and cheer you on.
We all wanna cheer for each other's love stories.
We all wanna cheer for each other's breakthrough.
We all wanna cheer for each other.
We do.
Everybody needs people in their corner.
All right.
Paul, you wanna send that tech question in?
Our tech team can solve that for you.
They can help you figure out how to use
some Microsoft computer.
Y'all know I'm an Apple girl.
I don't know anything about droids or Microsoft.
I don't know nothing about PCs.
I ain't a PC, but I will tell you
that someone on our team can help you for sure.
All right.
So we're gonna do something fun tonight.
This is something that we're gonna do regularly.
We're not gonna do it on Love Seats.
So don't worry.
I am gonna coach tonight
and you are gonna be able to ask questions.
And if you came here to get in the Love Seat,
if you guys didn't know, you can email into us and say,
hey, I have a dilemma that I would like to talk to Jackie
publicly, privately about in the Love Seat.
You can email us and then I will call on you
to come and get in the Love Seat during Love Seats.
But we're gonna start tonight with something
that we're gonna do regularly.
Once again, not on Love Seats,
but on the app, on live streams,
and that is single spotlights.
I've done it a few times,
but I'm gonna start doing it regularly.
And that's where I take someone single,
whether they're a community member
or whether they are, and obviously you're all single,
but anyone who's not currently in a relationship,
whether they are a community member,
someone who is in the group
or someone who's a private client like tonight
and spotlight them, kind of like interview them,
ask them some questions
that you might ask somebody on a first date.
And so tonight, this is the way we're gonna do it.
I have two guys that I'm going to spotlight tonight.
All right.
And they're each gonna get about eight to 10 minutes
to respond to my questions and tell you about themselves.
And then we're gonna have Love Seats.
Okay.
And then at the end, I'm gonna reserve some time
where all of you ladies that are interested
in asking them questions.
And I hope a lot of you will.
We're gonna come back with a little Q and A
with both of the guys that are in our single spotlight
tonight.
Does that sound fun?
All right.
Sounds fun to me.
Let's get started.
Father, thank you that we're able to come together tonight.
I ask that everyone would feel seen, known and loved.
We would learn some things and we would have breakthrough
in the areas where we're stuck.
In Jesus name, amen.
All right.
So first up in our single spotlight
is our friend, the man, the legend, Nitin.
Nitin, I'm gonna put you on here with me.
Hey, Jackie.
All right.
Okay.
Hey, Nitin, how are you doing?
Jackie, I'm doing well.
How are you?
I'm good.
All right.
So I'm just gonna ask you some personal questions publicly,
if you don't mind.
And first and foremost, let's just do some bio information.
So if you would tell everyone watching just who you are,
where you live, how old are you,
and maybe a little bit of your backstory.
Where did you grow up?
What's your family like?
We wanna know more about you tonight.
Well, good evening ladies.
I'm Nitin.
I'm 51.
I'm in Cary, North Carolina.
I grew up in India.
I did my master's in England and US
and have been on a world traveling journey.
So I started my career in Africa,
worked in Europe, UK, Canada, and US is now home.
My parents are, my family is just my younger brother,
my sister-in-law, they live in San Francisco.
and with my eight month old nephew
and he is a bundle of joy and fun.
He is quite the guy, I would say.
Quite the guy, I love it.
My parents, go ahead.
Your parents are married, Nitin?
Yes, they've been married 54 years.
Wow, that's amazing.
And your siblings, are they all married as well?
No, just my younger brother, he's married.
That's all, just the two of us.
All right, and what about you, Nitin?
Tell us a little bit about your relationship history.
Tell us about it.
We want the good, bad, and ugly.
We want to know everything.
Fair enough.
So I was engaged in 2003
and it was not really God's idea of my relationship
with my ex-fiance.
So we amicably separated.
Then I, after healing, taking my time,
I had a girlfriend for three, four months
and just didn't feel that it was the right thing
at the right time.
So we kind of moved on.
And I think I tried dating apps
and then Lord finally came to me and said,
it's my way or the highway.
So I had to literally lay down
and just focus on becoming the man
that God wanted me to.
I had the privilege of being under my spiritual mom and dad.
And during at least 10 to 15 years,
I really didn't date a whole lot.
I mean, dates here and there, but nothing concrete.
And after a long lull in not having dated,
I saw Jackie on Chris Wollaton podcast and prayed
and said, hey, let's try to, let's join and see.
And I've been here for almost a year in June.
So I've enjoyed being part of the community.
Love it.
Just almost been here a year.
That means that we're right on time, right?
We're right on time with this single spotlight.
Yeah, I'm having my stuff.
Let's check out.
Oh, someone's not listening.
They're talking in the background.
All right.
I go ahead and I muted them.
I muted you accidentally too, Nitin.
So go ahead and unmute yourself.
Okay, so you guys, we can all relate.
Nitin, you know, he had a few relationships.
He wasn't feeling peace about them.
Raise your hand if that's true for you too,
that you've had a couple of relationships
and you're just like,
I don't really feel like this is the person
that I can partner with for the rest of my life.
Look at all those hands.
So many people that can really relate to that.
And then a lot of us go on dating sabbaticals after that
because we are not sure if our picker is broken
or, you know, what God wants or doesn't want.
And if you haven't watched my relationship anxiety video,
I really want you to watch that
because I think a lot of times
we can get in our own way, right?
And getting God's way with things that he's doing.
But we want to learn from those things and move forward.
So Nitin, what I would love to know now is like,
what are you doing, you know, in the area that you live,
which is close to Raleigh, right?
Raleigh, is that where you're close to?
Okay, so what are you, like, what do you do for fun?
What are your hobbies?
What's your spiritual community there like?
What do you love about your spiritual community
if you have one?
Tell us some things about that.
Well, I'm definitely an outdoorsy person.
So I'm an avid hiker and skier,
and I've been blessed to have some great parks in the area.
So it's generally walk and hiking definitely on a Saturday.
I love skiing.
I went out West last year to Jackson Hole.
It was amazing skiing in the West.
If you haven't, and if you love, highly recommend.
Other than that, I love dancing, cooking, traveling.
I've done a couple of road trips this year
to DC, Pinehurst, North Carolina.
I'm a voracious reader.
I used to be a drummer with my worship team.
I haven't picked up the drums in a while,
but music is quite a love for me.
I tend to have a balance between outdoor activities
and indoor activities,
as in sometimes I just watch Netflix,
catch up with friends, exploring the city, new restaurants.
I think I just enjoy the simple pleasures of life,
and I know when to wedge out, just relax,
have my own time, and then also socialize when I need.
Well, Nitin, you are a man about town.
Look at all those interests.
I love that.
You know, still waters run deep.
I wouldn't have known much,
I wouldn't have guessed the drummer part.
That's amazing.
And ladies, we know we like the drummers.
You guys know you do.
Okay, so what is a book that you've read recently
or in the past that's really changed your life
and if you're not a reader, a podcast, a sermon,
anything that has been impactful for you?
That's a, I have to, give me a sec.
That's okay.
the book. Yes. It could be anything. Um, what's the name of the book? Um, oh,
I'm drawing the author. Uh, no, I'm just drawing a complete blank. I'll just put it this way.
It was a book about the change you want to bring in yourself, right? It was written by a secular
author, but it was amazing the way he described faith in a non, in a very secular way and how to
basically focus on meditating. So I took the gist of the book from the book and I started
practicing meditating the Christian way. So I have really seen some tremendous, um,
I would say breakthrough in my quiet time with the Lord. Um, and I just, I'm learning just to
be more quiet, not ask questions and just listen to the Lord. And it is just so amazing how I get
answers, directions, um, to the questions that I have, including stock investing in stocks.
It has just been a very amazing, um, spiritual discipline that I'm developing. And I really
enjoy being in the presence of the Lord. It just does wonders to me, especially when, if I had a
hard day at work. Um, and as I said, uh, following God is my passion. I used to work, um, last year
and 23 years in corporate America. And, uh, God told me finally to start my own business.
Um, so last year he started sowing the seeds and this year I went a hundred percent being an
independent consultant for oil and gas company. It is a tough journey, but it is good because
they're really, I'm passionate about changing people, changing the marketplace and then running
my own company on biblical values. So that's, I love that. That is so amazing. You're an amazing
guy. I love all of those things. And it's so true about quieting our minds. It's so hard.
It's such a, you know, it's a, it's a practice. It's an ancient practice, you know, and a lot of
times we think that's new agey, but it's not, you know, the Bible talks about being still
and knowing that he is God. You know, it talks about, you know, just, you know, being in his
presence and being in a secret place and all the different things. And, um, you guys, I did a
supernatural Saturday about that, about just sitting and letting God talk and you listening
guys, remember that supernatural Saturday. And so that's powerful. So Ned, and we just want to thank
you for being in the single spotlight. And I know that we're going to have lots of questions for you
in Q and a, I have lots of questions that I could ask you right now about, Hey, you know, what are
you looking for in a woman? Or are you willing, even though you haven't been married and you don't
have any kids, you want some kids? Like I have a lot of things to ask, but I'm going to let the
ladies ask. So ladies, go ahead and write down your questions for Nitin. And at the end of today,
you will be at the end of this session, you will be able to ask Nitin and our next single spotlight,
which is Chris. And I'm going to bring him up right now. So Nitin, thank you so much.
And we will be back with you a momentarily. Okay. All right. So much fun. Y'all. I love it.
Guys. No, I love it. Now, some of that stuff would not be appropriate for a first date question and
answer session, but you know, I can do what I want because I'm in charge of this session.
And so I do what I want. All right, Mr. Chris, hello. Chris is right here in Austin, Texas.
He's one of my private clients. You're like, Hey, I haven't seen Chris around.
That's because he is a private, a private referral. And so he's great. I actually know
him in person. I can vouch for him, but I'm going to go ahead. Even though I know a lot about him,
I'm going to ask him some questions. Chris, what's your favorite drink?
You better say the right thing. Oh, but gosh, uh, that would be matcha tea, Jackie.
I could probably, uh, wax eloquent about matcha longer than anyone here wants to hear about it.
But, uh, the, the backstory there is that I used to have a matcha tea e-commerce company,
uh, where I direct sourced matcha from Japan and, uh, uh, sold it here in the U S so Jackie was,
uh, a big matcha aficionado before I shut it down. Yes. So Chris and I met through matcha.
He was selling matcha at my church, like bizarre. Um, I go to Bethel Austin and he was selling
matcha. So he was the matcha matcha man. And, um, that is the best matcha I've ever had. I just want
to let you guys know that right now. Okay. So Chris, we want to know all about you. So tell us
everything. How old are you? Where are you from originally? I mean, we live in Austin right now.
Um, you know, what's your family like, tell us a snippet of your, of your childhood and then tell
us why you're in Austin. Yeah. So I'll try and hit all of those points. I was born in Washington, DC.
Uh, I'm 38 now. Um, but, uh, initially born in Washington, DC spent my first year of life in DC.
And then, um,
My parents moved us out to Northern Virginia, and at the time, it was the wild frontier
with cow pastures and golf courses, and they said, oh, the development will never get out
here, and of course, today, that's the Tech Corridor and AOL and, you know, all, you know,
just the whole exploded out there.
And so, most of my life, I did in the Northern Virginia area, went to college about an hour
south of D.C., and other than three years out in Northern California at a little church
called Bethel, most of my life journey has been in the D.C. area, working in D.C. mostly
for the federal government, and then I moved out to Austin three years ago.
The Austin move was literally, and I know that your audience, Jackie, is probably a
little bit more familiar with this sort of story, that the Lord gave me a vision of a
U.S. map and then highlighted the state of Texas, and I ended up having about an eight-month
journey with the Lord of, like, are you really telling me to move to Austin, and then it
became very clear that he was, and I moved to Austin in faith with no job lined up and
not really sure what I was doing, just trying to say yes to Jesus the best I could.
Me too, a U-Haul, no place to live, no reason to be here that I knew of except God told
me to come, so I appreciate that so much.
So, tell us a little bit about your love life, Chris.
You've never been married.
You don't have any children.
How close have you gotten to being married?
Never married, no kids, never engaged, and longest relationship probably eight months,
and like the journey that a lot of the people in this group can probably identify with,
you know, plenty of relationships where they didn't feel like I was the one and relationships
where I didn't have peace, I didn't feel like it was the right thing, and so still looking
for the connection and the person that feels like is the right person, the spirit mate
for me.
Yeah, no, awesome, all right, and okay, so tell us a little bit, so your parents, are
they married?
Do you have any siblings?
What was your childhood like?
Tell us just a tiny bit about like, what was, were you raised a Christian, were you raised
in the church?
I was not.
I was basically raised secular and had a dramatic encounter with Jesus in the summer before
my junior year of high school.
Essentially, some friends at school started witnessing to me, and I had this narrative
in my mind where I said, you know what, I'm 99% sure that this God stuff is a load of
hooey, but on the 1% chance that I'm wrong, eternity is a very long time to regret a mistake,
and so I went on this journey in high school where now in hindsight, I recognize it was
the Holy Spirit who was drawing me, but I had a dramatic encounter with the Holy Spirit
in my bedroom, very much a Saul to Paul conversion the summer before my junior year, and a number
of things happened as a result of that.
One was that I was dramatically and supernaturally healed of clinical depression and suicidal
ideation.
It just, I went back to school after that experience when school got back in, and everyone
was like, who are you, and what did you do with Chris?
It was just such a dramatic transformation.
I'm still the only believer in my family, so my parents were married up until my mom
passed away a year ago, unfortunately, and so my family has still been kind of dealing
with the repercussions of that, unfortunately, but up until that point, even though I was
the only believer in my family, my parents were married.
I'm the oldest of three boys.
My one younger brother's in New York City, and the other younger brother is in Northern
Virginia.
All right.
We're going to ask you all kinds of crazy questions later about like, you know, different
things that have to do with romance and different things about like, hey, if you're going to
take us on a first date, where would you take us?
And all those different things, but I really want to ask this question of you two.
What is a recent thing that you read or heard that was transformational for you?
Oh, this is a fun question.
The meditation?
Yeah.
Yeah, so I'll touch on three things.
I think it would be hard for me to narrow it down even to three things, because depending
on my mood, I don't know if anyone else identifies with this, but depending on my mood, it can
be a list of 15 things.
Um, the three I'll touch on one is, uh, this is not actually a book, but it's actually
a set of teachings and Graham cook, who some of you might be familiar with, has a online
platform called brilliant TV.
And I have just been inhaling his, uh, messages and content and everything.
Just Graham has been such a tremendous influence and mentor in my life, even though he has
no idea who I am.
I've never met him, but just, you know, through his, uh, what he produces, um, his content
on renewing of the mind and transforming the mind and, and your belief system.
Absolutely revolutionary for me.
Uh, the second book would be atomic habits.
Uh, I don't know, some of you might have read it.
It's absolutely fantastic.
Very practical, not a Christian book, but it's very practical, um, talking about the,
the exponential influence and the exponential impact that, um, habits have in your life
and building and cultivating habits and how that can transform you, uh, over time.
And then I think the third one would be, uh, bill Johnson's book, hosting the presence,
uh, bill and Chris both write so much amazing stuff, but if I had to pick one that's impacted
me the most, it would be hosting the presence because that's something that I want to be
a resting place for Holy spirit.
I want to be someone with whom well, um, and so that really resonated with me.
That's so good.
Those are all amazing books and people and transformative content.
So thank you so much for that.
And I will tell you ladies this in case you're going to ask later, I know Chris in person.
So I can tell you that I'm five 10 and you guys know I'm a sturdy girl.
I'm about almost 200 pounds right now.
And Chris makes me feel small.
Okay.
Cause he's, he's a, a, a, a big gentle giant.
He is taller than me and makes me feel little.
And that's hard to do with me because I'm, you know, I'm a big in.
All right.
And so as my daughter, my daughter's like, mom, you're a big in.
I'm like, I am.
I'm a big in.
Cause she's a little in, she's only five, three.
Okay.
So Chris, thank you so much.
Um, appreciate you.
And we're going to guys write down your questions.
Okay.
So we're going to have a Q and a time here really soon after we do some love seat action.
All right.
So if you were told you're going to get in the love seat, I know Bina is going to go
first.
Let's go ahead and get Bina spotlighted here.
And then if you were also told via email or via a direct message or some kind of posts
that you were going to be in the spotlight or in the love seat, in the hot seat, then
please get, get on deck, send me a little message right now and say, I'm here, Jackie.
So that I know.
All right.
There's beautiful Bina.
Check her out.
Actually.
Bina knows Chris too.
And Bina, Chris and I were meeting at a coffee shop to talk about what he wants in a future
wife and Bina walked in, um, and she was there for a meeting.
She had never been to that coffee shop before.
So she, uh, she and Chris are friends.
She knows Chris as well.
And she also lives here in Austin, Texas.
Guys, if you're on here, she is maybe still in a relationship because I don't know what
she's about to ask me.
I know she was talking to someone.
Okay.
So Bina, what is your question?
What's your dilemma girl?
Um, okay.
I feel like I'm in my head with this guy, still dating him.
Um, it's been eight weeks now and I, my, so week six, I started to, uh, started feeling
anxious about like, okay, it's, it's been a minute since I've been dating him and we're
consistently seeing each other one to two times a week.
Um, and most of the things that I've noticed about him initially are like super positive
thing.
I love his character.
I love how respectful he is.
Um, he feels very safe, emotionally thoughtful, considerate, uh, peaceful, very patient and
super tender, just very protective.
Um, there are some differences as far as like lifestyle.
Like I am a busy body.
I didn't realize how much of a busy body I am.
No, not nosy.
I just do a lot of things.
Um, he's a homebody.
He likes to stay at home and sit on the TV.
Um, he doesn't have very many hobbies.
He likes to go hiking, but like the last hike that he went on is God knows how long.
Um, and so like activity wise, we're in two different places.
The other thing that was kind of on the forefront of my mind is kind of, uh, spiritual depth
and compatibility.
Cause I didn't really hear him talk about like his faith.
He mentioned that he listens to, um, like somebody on podcasts and for 13 years he was
working on the weekends and this last April he started a new job where he.
off on the weekends and Saturday and Sunday he works out in the morning and he said he
listens to a podcast so this past Sunday when I saw him I was like hey so we were just talking
about the day and I was asking him how his workout was and you know what podcast he listened to he's
like oh I only listen to them whenever I'm like kind of in a like feeling down or whatnot and so
I felt like it was at a place where I'm like all right it's it's eight weeks I really need to
know like yeah where is this going and are we spiritual spiritually compatible so
in asking him like how what how does his faith show up in his life he's like well
you know I know I should go to church my my parents go to church and my sister goes and
he was actually alluding to Bethel Austin his sister told him to go I was like well if you
want to go I used to go there I could visit with you he's like well I'll come to church with you
and I I told him he could go and then in retrospect I'm such an internal processor
like after the fact is like I'm like I do not want him to come to church with me regularly
because I want it to be about like his own journey and for him to have his own place to go to
and I yeah so I'm kind of the other things that I've noticed in between like differences in us
is that I'm very much like a planner and I have my weekends planned out like I know what I'm
gonna do like a couple weekends and ahead of time and he's very spontaneous so I have preemptively
left space on my weekends so that when he asks because he always has like hey can we hang out
this weekend or I want to see you I'll let him know like I have Saturday afternoon open or whatnot
and for the most part that's worked except when it didn't and then I got really irritated
because of kind of like lack of communication on his part I told him I was available and I
didn't hear from him so I just kind of planned the next day accordingly because I didn't hear
from him and then he let me know in the morning that he was available in the afternoon I just
let him know hey I didn't hear from you and so I went ahead and planned my day hopefully I could
see you during the week if not I'll catch you when you get back from out of town so I more so just
wanting input I don't know if I'm feeling anxious about it like in my head thinking because the
point where I noticed like at six weeks where I was feeling anxious is when I took a picture with
him and to me like when I take a picture with somebody it's more like oh this is I guess the
significance that I take or I put on taking a picture with somebody is like they're gonna be
there more long term than us dating um short term if that makes sense so what I'm getting from you
is that hey we're eight weeks in and it's been fun and I really do like hanging out with him
but I'm not really sure if this is going anywhere and I really feel like it's time for me to call it
like I'm either going to invest more in this because I feel like this is you know that this
is it's it's yes until it's a no and you're wondering is it a no is it a no now or do I
keep going forward with a yes so there's a few things that you've said that stand out to me
first of all you have different personalities and as long as they're complementary friends
complementary opposites are my favorite match when I'm matching people I look for complementary
opposites what does that mean that means that you have the same foundational truths right you want
the same things in life whether that's you know marriage and family um your values and your goals
are very similar things but the way you're going to go after that is going to look different you
know one person might be a planner like like bina is and the other person might be a little bit more
spontaneous you know in our family you know my husband's very slow and I'm very fast and so if
you want something done fast you ask me if you want something done right you ask him okay um if
it's important that it's done perfectly or right like wallpaper you're gonna ask him you're not
gonna ask me because I'm gonna put it up really really fast and it's gonna have some bubbles in
it it's not gonna be the thing and so it doesn't sound to me as of right now like y'all have that
in common foundation it sounds like he is familiar with faith but doesn't really hasn't really
explored his own he's got people around him that have explored the faith people that he's close to
like family members but he right now is not either hungry enough or or hurting enough please listen
to what I'm saying he's not hungry enough or not hurting enough to make his relationship with God
God personalized.
Usually that's what happens to us, isn't it friends?
We either get hungry, okay, for God,
because we're just like,
there's gotta be more to this life than this,
or we're hurting.
And that is when we, you know, ask.
And he said kind of something to you like,
hey, I only listen to them when I'm depressed
or when I'm down, when I need like a pick-me-up, right?
So that's kind of a situation where it's a situation
where it's about how is this gonna make me feel better?
You know, how is this going to, you know,
give me a solution to a problem,
but I'm not gonna invest kind of my life into it,
which Bina is not the way that you live your life.
You know, your faith is one of the most important things
to you.
Now, I do wanna say this.
I wanna say this, that in marriage, ladies,
and there are a few exceptions to this,
but I have seen very few.
Yes, a man is called to lead in the home.
And what does that look like?
That looks like covering, and it looks like protecting.
It looks like serving.
But the woman is usually the social director of the home.
And that includes church.
It does.
Anywhere, anything that's socially oriented,
the woman is gonna be the one,
not that you're kicking and dragging a man to church,
but you're gonna be the one
that is the social director of your family.
Now, Bina, where I come from,
busy body means something different than what you mean.
You mean you're like, your body is busy,
and you're out doing things.
Where I come from, a busy body is someone
who's poking their nose
in other people's business all the time, okay?
But you're saying that I like to be social.
I like to do things.
I'm an active person,
and this man just works and goes home,
unless I instigate him to come out socially.
Now, you guys, that's okay.
That could be a complimentary opposite match
if that was the only difference between the two of them,
because you notice that he's willing to go out.
He's willing to go have fun.
He's just not the one that's initiating it, okay?
The bigger disconnect here is that this man
doesn't have a faith experience of his own, okay?
And the other thing is,
and I want you guys all to remember this,
this is not missionary dating that I'm about to talk about.
I'm not asking you to evangelize your dates,
but when you're getting to know someone
and they're still level two, they're friends,
a lot of people, they really would like
to have a spiritual community,
but they're not gonna go alone.
A lot of people won't go anywhere alone.
Now, I'll go anywhere alone.
I'll go to the movies alone.
I'll go to eat alone, but some people are not like that.
They feel very intimidated walking into a place alone,
especially a church.
And so I don't think that it's a bad idea
for you to introduce him to the Bethel community,
especially since you used to go to church there
and it ain't your church anymore.
So there's no hair off your nose,
kind of so to speak, right?
But at the same time,
what someone does with that introduction is up to them.
Do they keep going?
Do they find community there?
Do they get involved in a small group?
Are they really seeking spiritual community
and mentorship and accountability?
That's gonna be on them.
And so I think that you have to have a,
excuse this kind of language,
but you're gonna have to have a come to Jesus
with your friend, a come to Jesus moment
where you just say, hey, listen, I really enjoy you,
but my faith is the most important thing in my life.
And it doesn't seem like we're compatible here.
We're compatible in a lot of other ways,
but it doesn't seem like we're compatible here.
And I don't know how to get past that.
Okay, because my vision for my life is to be with someone
and eventually marry someone and have a family with someone
who also has made their faith
the most important thing to them.
And so you guys, this doesn't have to be a put down.
It doesn't have to be a judgmental conversation.
It can just be a really honest and vulnerable conversation.
But I think after two months of dating solidly
and seeing each other every week locally,
I think it's definitely time for you
to kind of tell him where you are.
And you guys, I know that a lot of you are like,
okay, yeah, they're definitely gonna break up
after she says that.
And she should, because he's not where she is.
Well, I have a private client right now
who got married to her kind of boyfriend
after this conversation,
because that caused him to be hungry.
Not just to please her,
but remember I said two reasons, hungry or hurting.
And sometimes our saltiness and our desire
to serve the Lord and to make that
the most important thing in our lives,
it's other people are like, well, wait a minute.
If all these great, wonderful, beautiful women,
she's doing this with her life.
life. And she's wonderful and great. I'm missing out on a
whole nother layer of my life by not exploring this part of
myself. And guess what, he explored it, this other guy, he
explored it, and he had an encounter. And he continued to
grow and continue to get under accountability and mentorship.
And eventually they got married. And they married now. And they
have a baby. All right, so it's not you guys, it's not. It's
sometimes both and it's not always either or, especially
since it sounds like this guy has a lot of green flags, except
he's not a planner. And so these green flag people, we want to
make sure that you know, if we are playing a different role in
their life, if we're here to introduce them to the place
where they could go and they could grow and have encounter,
then let's make sure that we're doing that. We're not just
cutting them off and dismissing them and acting like they're
inferior to us, because they have not had those experiences
yet. Yet being the word, but remember, it's a slippery slope.
If you're anxiously attached, and you're trying to make
excuses for someone which Bina is not, trust me, she's not an
anxious attacher at all. If you're trying to make excuses
for someone because you really like them, you're really
attracted to them, and you're trying to, you know, dismiss all
the yellow flags, and trying to make them spiritual in your own
mind for the purpose of you being able to sign off on a
relationship with them, then you already know that your motives
are messed up, and it's not going to bear good fruit. Does
that make sense to everybody? It's not either or, sometimes
it's both and. And I don't think that Bina is really going to
know until she has this deeper conversation. Right now, she's
been tiptoeing around the landmines trying to find out
where this man is and his faith. And she's had a couple very
surface conversations. But now it's time for her to have a
deeper conversation about who she is, and what faith means to
her. And let's just see how he reacts to that. Want to? Will
you volunteer as tribute for us to have this conversation?
Because it sounds like he has a lot of green flags. And we want
to see how he reacts to this conversation.
Yeah, I will. Okay, he's pretty passive. So I don't know that
he's gonna say much other than like, just kind of nod and be
present. Like, yeah, well, here's the thing. He's gonna
have to get you know, and gentlemen, and ladies, this is
not necessarily for you. But guys, this is for you, guys,
you're gonna have to get passionate about what you want
in life. You're gonna have to get passionate. All right, the
divine masculine is passionate. It's not passive. All right. So
from passivity to passion, you're gonna have to and I know
one thing's for sure being a you live with a lot of passion and I
do not think that would be a complimentary opposite to you
someone who lives with no passion and is apathetic. That
would be a polar opposite. And that would be a deal breaker.
Cool. Cool. Thanks. All right. Okay, report back to us because
we want to know inquire busy bodies want to know. Okay. All
right. Love you. Okay. All right. Was there anyone put in
the chat if you were another person that was going to get in
the spotlight tonight? Get in that love seat tonight. Anyone
else have any questions? Go ahead and put them in the chat
loveseat questions, not questions for the guys. Y'all
don't follow directions at all. You guys all had detention in
school. Every one of you that's posting questions when I said
hold them till the end. All of you were the queens of
detention. I know it. You were talking in class. You were not
on task. How do I know? Because I was there with you in
detention. Yes, I was. All right.
Susan, come on. We're gonna have you on the next spotlight.
Let's have you on the next single spotlight. I'll do it on
my Instagram so we can get a wider variety of men watching
us. Email. I'm serious about that. Susan has been
volunteering and helping in this community for such a long time.
And I would love to do that for you. All right, Hunter, I have
one based on communication. You got put the question in the
chat. If you have a question, Hunter, put it in the chat. I'd
love to answer it. Everybody has been placed in detention. Yes,
Carol. Guys, I would have made a great teacher. I'd have been a
I've been a strict teacher, which is such ironic since I was
such a crazy student. I had posted a question in the
Facebook group that you mentioned coming loveseat. Yes,
Emma, you're up. All right. Hello. Yes, thank you. I'm
looking for you. Hold on. Let me find you. You're talking but I
don't see you yet. Keep talking so I can find you waving. I'm
family.
And hello, can you see me?
It's waving, okay.
Hi, I'm here.
I'm just gonna search you in the names here.
Oh, there you are.
Okay, ready?
And got it.
Yes, hello, thank you.
Hey, hi.
Another Texas girl, you're in Dallas, right?
Yes, I'm in Dallas.
Okay, Ines in Austin and Emma's in Dallas.
Okay, so tell us what your dilemma,
your question, what's up?
Yes, so I posted in a Facebook group
about just navigating the never-ending cycle
of meeting people and then not working out.
I did the group back, I'm coming on a year.
So I think I, my hesitation for doing the group
at the beginning was just that expectation
for the timeframe.
Although I know, you know, just keeping my heart open
to not having an expectation in the timeframe.
But I have been intentionally dating
for almost 10 years now, I'm 38.
And my early 20s, I was in missions and ministry.
So kind of neglected my dating life.
But the last 10 years, I've been really intentionally
focused on dating.
And then I did the program last year
and I felt really transformed by it.
But the dating process, I feel like is really the same.
And it's just that never-ending cycle.
So my question was, how do you wrestle with the tension
of when things don't work out?
How much of that is God's protection?
You know, closed doors become their own form
of answered prayer request.
How much of it is God's timing?
Like I really just haven't met someone
because it's not his timing.
The other person, maybe they're on a journey.
But I'm also wondering how much of it could be opposition
or I still have heart work to do,
or it's the enemy or just some other factor.
It's just that tension between how much of it
is God's role, my role.
Like I think sometimes I kind of obsess about my part
to play, because I feel like I'm doing everything
I should be doing.
But then also letting go and trusting God and his timing.
I just, I'm wrestling because it's just been so,
it feels like a never-ending cycle.
Even though I'm growing, I can see my transformation.
So I know nothing is wasted.
Nothing's in vain.
God's using everything, but that's just,
I'm also in the same cycle with the job.
I've been interviewing and then I'm also,
my roommate unexpectedly needed to move back home.
So I think it's real similar.
The roommate hunt, the dating hunt, and the job hunt,
it just all feels really similar.
How much of it is my role versus how much of it is God?
It's just the parallels between those three areas of life,
I think are getting to me.
And I'm just feeling weary in the never-ending cycle
of just feeling like I'm being faithful, but then.
Okay, awesome.
So that's my question.
Of course, I know that you know that you're not alone.
And I know that you also know,
and if you guys don't know this,
that this is not just about,
it's not just about a spirit mate for her or dating,
it's about all these areas of life, right?
And not just her, but all of us.
So when you do have the spirit mate,
there will be other areas of your life that are like this,
where you're doing everything that you know to do,
and yet there isn't breakthrough
or there isn't the finished product
of what it is that you wanna see in your life, right?
Whether that's-
A lot of people are struggling with like fertility,
having kids, like the same thing.
Listen, it doesn't diminish,
it doesn't diminish your pain in the waiting,
in the waiting.
Cause you know, guys know how much I love that word.
I hate that word.
Okay, because we're not ever waiting,
but Emma might be on the other side of the spectrum
where she's doing, doing, doing, doing.
In fact, just listening to her made me kind of tired.
I was a little tired because I can tell that
you're a getter done kind of girl.
And I appreciate that.
But sometimes that can be our issue
because we are crossing all of our T's.
We are dotting all of our I's.
We are doing our part.
And God, where's your part at?
And I get that.
And I've been around lots of personalities like that.
I know that I may seem like I'm that kind of personality,
but trust me, I'm a procrastinator, okay?
I do things at the last minute, most times.
And so we all have different Achilles heels,
but I actually wrote this down earlier today, Emma,
and I had no idea what your question was gonna be
or what was gonna happen here.
But I wrote this down.
When you've tried everything,
when you've tried hard for something
to make something happen, try soft, okay?
And what does that mean?
That means what Nitin was saying.
Sometimes we just gotta get quiet
and we just gotta get into a place of meditation.
And we just have to just let God speak to us
because what I hear in your current story
is that there's a lot of transition happening.
And I know that you want these things
to be closed-ended instead of open-ended,
but it's possible.
It's possible that they're open-ended because there needs to be options beyond what you've
been considering at the moment, right?
Maybe a relocation is on the books for you.
It's possible that there's some other kind of life change that you're not expecting because
I want to tell all of you this, especially those of you that have really shown up and
done the work in this program, which I believe Emma is one of those people.
So you showed up in phase one and you did your heart work.
You showed up in phase two and some of you are still in phase two, but you are showing
up and you are rethinking the way that you approach dating and the way that you approach
just love in general and the idea of marriage.
You've surrendered the pen.
I want to tell you guys something I would say, and I'm not exaggerating, at least 60%,
if not more, that's conservative number of the success stories, which by the way are
somewhere between 780 to 800 to 1000 people now have gotten engaged and married through
this program.
Okay.
I don't even know what the number is.
We lost count at 750 a long time ago.
Okay.
Someday I'm going to have time to go back and try to count this up, but it ain't going
to be today.
Why?
Procrastinator.
All right.
But seriously, I don't have time for that, but I know that it's a lot.
So conservatively, at least more than half of those people have the same testimony, Emma,
and this is what they say to me.
I would not have even given this person the time of day had it not been for this program.
I would have noticed them.
I wouldn't have dated them.
I wouldn't have said yes to a date with them.
I would have definitely not said yes to a second date with them.
And a lot of you are hearing what I'm not saying.
You're thinking I'm saying, oh, they ugly.
That's not what I'm saying.
I've, if you go to my Instagram, you see the couples, they all kind of really strangely
look alike.
Don't they?
They look like each other.
Somehow the people that marry each other look like each other, and I don't know what that's
all about.
Um, but that's not what I'm saying.
What I'm saying is that they weren't your type.
They weren't your attraction style.
They weren't your attachment style.
They weren't your, you know, pattern.
And so you showed up and you address those things in phase two, and then you continue
to stay and get up, upgraded it spiritually, mentally, emotionally in phase three through
community, through supernatural Saturday, through activations, raise your hand.
If you're, if your spirit life has gone to the next level in this group that you feel
like you have really upgraded, it doesn't matter if you go to an amazing church, it
doesn't matter if you were a prophet before you came here or a minister that you really
have heard God in some significant and profound ways.
Okay.
If you've done all that, like Emma has, and you still haven't met your spirit mate, it's
time for you to realize that there's other things that you can put that beautiful intentional
focus on because God's got this, he's got this, okay?
There's going to be a spirit mate.
It's going to happen.
You've surrendered the pen.
You've done everything that you can do.
You've tried hard.
Now you're just going to try soft.
You're just going to say, okay, God, you know, here I am, here's my heart.
You know, what can I put all this beautiful intention, all this focus on, you know, you
are looking for a job.
You're possibly looking for a roommate if you stay living where you're living, because
maybe you're moving, you know, and just really allow God in that quiet space where you're
not asking for anything to just put ideas in your heart, you know, to put strength in
you, to put joy in you guys.
Remember, this is a season of joy.
Did you guys see Bethany and her husband, Brian, just moved down to take a pastor ship,
a pastoral role down in Fort Myers, Florida from Indiana.
They just arrived today in Fort Myers and on the road, she literally saw a billboard
that says joy is here.
And she took a picture of it and that great is true.
And so just allowing ourself to enjoy the process.
I know that Emma probably wants a family.
And I also know that Emma, you're tall, aren't you?
Are you tall?
Yes, I am.
I am.
Yeah.
Okay.
So it's, it's not easy to be a tall woman.
It isn't.
And that's why you kind of need a customized match.
How tall are you?
I'm 5'10".
Me too.
I'm 5'10".
Are you willing to marry a man who's 5'7"?
I am open.
Yeah.
I haven't always been that way, but I am open.
Yeah.
Okay.
Cause my husband says he's 5'8", y'all, but he's 5'7".
There's just no doubt about it.
Okay.
All right.
But he is still bigger than me for now.
He has been going to the gym and losing weight.
I'm like, look, bro, if you get smaller than me, then it's done.
It's over.
I'm not going to ever be in another picture with you.
All right.
If you start looking like my son, we're done here.
All right.
Um, but being tall is not easy.
It isn't because I know that, you know, all the women want to marry the six footers.
They definitely do.
But America, the average height of a man is our height.
It's five, 10, really it's five, nine.
Honestly, I think that men lie about their height and they do it because women are so
weird about height.
And I think most men are five, nine, just in general, unless you're in Australia or
another country.
Okay.
So I think that sometimes, you know, men are intimidated by us because we're so tall and
you obviously have a big, beautiful personality too, which makes you even more larger than
life.
And so what I want to encourage you with is that just like me, God has someone who's going
to love every bit of you.
But if in this season you're working at like a job, you're losing your joy, you're getting
discouraged because you can't find that person.
And you have all these other loose ends in your life, like your job and your living situation.
So let's focus on what we can tie up first and let God be our matchmaker.
You want to do that?
So I believe when you come back, you're going to report to us, remember, cause you've tried,
you've tried everything.
You've done all the things you've been coached to do.
You've shown up, you've done your part.
So we do our best and then we rest.
We do our best and then we rest.
It's different if you haven't shown up, if you've not done the work and then you up in
here complaining that there's no good men or no good women out there.
And I go back and I look at your heartwork portal and you did 25% of the heartwork.
Oh, friends.
Okay.
You got to show up.
Emma showed up.
And I guarantee you that she probably didn't think that she needed most of that because
I can tell that she's very emotionally aware, very spiritually aware, but she submitted
herself and I promise you it's your time.
It is.
So I don't know if you're going to stay in Dallas.
I don't know what's going to happen, but I do know this is that God is purposeful in
your life.
You have the biggest pieces of your life are open right now.
And I don't know how you feel about that, but I love options and you have options right
now and I really want you to sit with the Lord and really allow him to, without you,
you know, talking a blue streak to him, allow him to really start to give you a vision for
those options.
I feel like you're going to have some real downloads.
I really do.
Awesome.
Thank you.
Good.
All right, Emma, keep us posted.
Okay.
I will.
We want to know.
Job, roommate, place to live, relocation, boys.
We want to know it all.
Men.
Thank you.
No Peter Pan's.
Okay.
All right.
Thank you so much, Emma, for coming and being vulnerable with us.
We really appreciate that.
Cause raise your hand if you feel like Emma, you're like, come on, Lord, I've really shown
up.
I've done my part.
Where's your part?
Look at all those hands.
All right.
So the same goes for you.
If you truly have, and you're not lying to yourself, you've truly shown up and done the
work then.
Because for a lot of people, it's just about math, right?
It's about getting out there and meeting new people in phase two.
It's about math.
That's why we have a dating challenge.
You get out there, you meet new people, you try new things.
If you've done all the things that we've coached you to do in phase one and phase two, that
means God's doing something else in your life.
And we're going to trust him because God knows how to play the Jenga game.
He's going to pull out certain things before he pulls out other things.
Otherwise it all comes toppling down.
And so we're going to trust him and we're going to continue to show up.
Now if other people are questioning your heart healing by saying, Hey, you know, you seem
kind of hard.
You seem a little bitter.
You seem like this and that.
Let's take a look at that because you may think you did the hard work, but you didn't.
And so instead of trying hard, we're going to try soft.
Ladies.
Okay.
All right.
I really like you, Emma.
You're awesome.
And I don't know, I feel like there's something I'm going to pray about it because I usually
talk before I think, so let me just not say anything more.
Let me pray about what I'm thinking right now and I'll get back to you.
All right.
Was there anyone else that was supposed to get in the love seat tonight before we start
asking these great single spotlights?
All of your many questions, ladies.
Yes.
So hot.
Woo.
Jesus.
Texas.
Woo.
Lord help us.
All right.
Hey Jackie.
It's Lauren.
I had emailed and messaged back and forth.
All right, girl.
Okay.
Lauren.
Okay.
So go ahead and tell us.
Give us a synopsis of what's up.
Yeah.
So I've been in a level three for four months.
And definitely, uh, you, it's kind of interesting.
You were just talking about how, you know, it's a yes until it's a no.
And I've definitely walked that in this relationship.
Um, and I guess the best way to sum it up is at what point is it?
I know when there's just like, I just, the bottom line is I feel like something's missing.
Like this man checks a lot of the boxes.
He loves the Lord.
He's got a passion for the fatherless.
I have been raising two kids by myself for 10 years.
They struggle with fatherless issues.
Like just a lot of things line up and I was like, wow, like your program works.
I found this guy and it's like all the things, um, he's tall.
I'm six one.
I love how it's like a tall lady's night here tonight.
Wow.
Yeah.
And it's just like all these things are aligned, but it's just, something's just not there.
And I don't know what it is.
And that's where I'm trying to figure out is this like part of it, like, I need to dig
into that.
When you say something's missing, do you mean in the connection?
Yeah.
Like attraction.
Okay.
So you're not attracted.
No.
I mean, he said he's 15 years older than I am.
He's more of a creative, more of like that.
I, I play volleyball.
I'm very active.
I love going to the gym.
Like that's a huge part of my life.
So it's like, okay, well we're not aligned there, but again, there's, there's the age
gap and he's, you know, you know,
How old are you?
Lauren?
How old are you?
I'm 39.
And so he's 54.
Okay.
39 and 54.
Yeah.
That's you're right.
That's a big age gap.
That's 39 and 54.
So 49, that's what?
13 years?
14?
15.
Yeah.
Okay.
Sorry.
You did the right math.
You math, the math, the math, math.
Okay.
I used to teach math.
Yeah.
15.
Oh, wow.
You're a math teacher.
So there's a big age difference.
And while 39 and 54, it doesn't seem like a lot of age difference there, you know, people
are still spry at 54.
I'm about to turn 50, but what does that look like in 10 years when you're 49 and he's,
you math, the math, you're the math or whatever, those numbers.
Yeah.
Well, right.
64.
Yeah.
So what's it look like then?
I mean, how well is he taking care of himself?
Cause a lot of times, you know, it doesn't matter about, you know, cause it's never late
to start friends.
You know, if you're in your fifties, please start, please start strength training.
You know, please pay attention to flexibility and all those things.
But you know, there's a lot going on cause you're saying that you're really active, you're
really physical and he's not.
So is he taking care of his physical?
He's working on that.
He's been, Lord's healed him from Crohn's.
So he's like in this transition to getting healthier, which he's doing that on his own.
Love that.
Um, but it's just, I don't know.
When I, when I think about being with a spirit mate, there's just something that like, I
feel like it like draws you to them and, and not like the movies or anything, but it's
just like, gosh, I'm like, that's my man.
Like I want to feel that.
And I'm not, but like, and can you, did you tell me how long you've been dating?
Uh, four months, four months.
Okay.
So exclusively you're level three dating for four months.
Yeah.
Okay.
And how long did you know him before you went level three?
Oh, my bad dating three months.
So a month before that we dated.
And then, so it's been April, May, June.
Yeah.
Three months.
So he locked it down after a month.
He wanted to be exclusive with you.
So he's into you for sure.
Oh, well.
And he's also like, I could see myself marrying you.
I'm like, Ooh, no, I'm not there.
I don't know.
I just, he's like, yeah, everything I've like all the things.
He's very nice.
He's very grounded.
So I do the benefit of the age differences.
I've had a hard time dating men, my age, just because my own walk and maturity and whatnot.
And I've lived, I've lived a lot of life.
Uh, okay.
So here's my advice on this and everyone listen up the age differences.
It is big.
Okay.
Um, it isn't big if people are going to stay healthy and take care of themselves and all
the things, and they definitely do have some different differing interests, um, some big
green flags.
She said that he loves God, that he is, has a heart for the fatherless.
She has sons that need a father.
There's all kinds of things there.
She obviously at some level enjoys his attention and his presence and his, you know, there's
compatibility there.
Otherwise she wouldn't have said yes and gone exclusive with him and been in this exclusive
relationship.
So there is something that caused her to want to do that.
So two things, and there's two different scenarios here.
The first scenario is nobody's ever going to get your list, right?
If you have a list of things that you want, if things that you thought this was supposed
to look like, and what she said, feel like you better to throw that out because it does
not always happen.
In fact, in.
I experienced, it rarely happens.
Okay, where there's the, oh, my man.
And especially if we've had bad experiences
with men or women in the past,
a lot of times our hearts are really slow to warm up.
We think that we're ready to receive love.
We think that we're ready to feel those feels,
but we have to heal those feels
before we can feel those feels.
And so a lot of times, especially when things get serious,
we actually lock down even more.
We pull away even more.
That's some aspects of the avoidant attachment theory, okay?
Where we start picking at this person
and finding things that were wrong with them
when we first met them.
We didn't care about that stuff,
but now that things are getting serious,
now we're starting to say, uh, I have some ics here.
I'm not really sure if you're the person.
And our hearts start closing down,
and we feel like that is evidence
that they're not the right person.
Our hearts start closing down,
and we feel, then we take that as evidence.
Well, if they were my person, I would feel differently.
That's not always true.
And then the other scenario is she's met a great guy
that has shown her that there are great guys.
There are amazing guys, guys that are gonna love her,
guys that are gonna love her children.
They exist.
It's not the magic unicorn.
And that that is all this relationship was meant to do
is open both of their hearts up.
You know, there's such a thing as the one before the one.
There is such a thing,
and I've seen it many, many, many, many times
in this community, all right,
and in my matchmaking career.
And so it's important for us to discern the difference,
and it's also important for us
to not take someone too far down a road
that we cannot commit in
because it isn't just us becoming avoidant.
It is, we know that there is compatibility,
but there's not enough compatibility to build a life on.
And the trick is to know the difference, y'all.
And here's the great news is that if he's not for you,
he might be for one of your sisters here in this community.
He's such a good guy.
Yeah, and so,
but I really wanna encourage you to ask God which it is
and to sit as our brother Nitin told us and just listen
and just allow God to quiet your heart,
allow him to, you know, show you,
and you guys, for all of you that are gonna break up
with someone during this process,
that's a genuinely good woman or a good man,
let's make sure we have confirmations of that.
Not just, well, God told me no.
That does not float here, y'all.
That dog does not hunt here.
I don't wanna hear that.
When God is talking to us personally
about huge decisions in our lives,
there will be outward confirmations
of those outside of ourselves.
I want you to raise your hand and be honest right now.
If at some point in your life,
you were dating or seeing or talking to someone
that you thought was really a great person, loved God,
and then you felt like God said,
no, they're not the right one for you,
and you cut it off with no confirmations.
You just cut it off.
And now, years later, you're like,
man, did I do the right thing?
Maybe that wasn't God.
Let me see those hands.
That's a lot of people.
And the hands keep coming, all right?
So we wanna make sure that we are getting confirmations.
The word of God says, through a multitude of counsel,
the word of God says, through two or three witnesses,
let words be established, especially important words,
important words that have to do with big, huge life changes.
Cool?
All right, so Lauren,
you are going to sit in the tension of this.
I do think that you've been dating him long enough
that you really do either need to,
it's still a yes,
because there's enough that you're like,
man, I really could build a life with this person.
Yeah, they don't have the same hobbies as me,
but the important things are more important to me.
Or you're like, I need to cut this guy loose
because I'm gonna break his heart.
Yeah, that's the latter.
There's a three-hour difference also,
and he very much is ingrained in his community,
doesn't see himself moving.
So I've literally tried to do the things,
keep myself open to moving.
I could move.
I've homeschooled my kids.
And I just, every time I don't have peace about it,
I look, I try to be like, oh, I'll go.
I see I'm inspired by all these ladies
and like they're moving and they're doing the things.
And I just, I don't have peace,
but you're the second person.
My other good friend also told me,
I just need to sit and listen to the Lord and wait.
But it could be this man taught me,
that there are good men out there.
You're the second person to say that,
so just start out out there, but thank you.
Thank you.
Yeah, no, you're welcome.
You're welcome.
See this avocado, y'all?
I'm gonna eat this avocado when this is over.
It's right here.
It's been sitting here, staring at me, looking good.
Okay.
All right.
So Lauren, thank you so much for jumping in the.
Love seat, we appreciate your vulnerability.
All right, let's see, we're at 819.
Okay, so we're gonna go ahead and shift
to our single spotlight questions.
Let's see, how important is it
a romantic relationship has a plan, has a planner?
Oh, so in a romantic relationship, Marshall,
you're saying how important is for one of the people
to be a planner?
Well, unless you just wanna walk around
in circles all the time,
someone needs to be a little bit organized.
Someone needs to have some time management skills,
because otherwise it's just like, what are we doing today?
Oh, I don't know, what do you wanna do?
I don't know, what do you wanna do?
And we don't want that.
Remember that cartoon with the little birds on the wire?
Yeah, we don't want that.
Someone has to have a plan, a vision.
I usually find in relationships,
one person's a visionary
and the other person's an implementer.
In our marriage, I think you can go ahead
and guess who the visionary is, moi.
And my husband is really good at executing things.
He's a really good partaker of my shenanigans.
I'm a shenanigator, right?
I'm an instigator, I'm a shenanigator.
And he is a great implementer of those shenanigans.
I'm like, hey, babe.
And he's like, what?
And I'm like, wouldn't it be cool if we, yes.
And then he does it and he's like, this is fun.
And then it's like, great.
Okay, so yes, we do want those complimentary opposites,
you guys, as long as remember those foundational truths,
those foundational goals, desires, those are the same.
It's gotta be the same, all right.
All right, so we're gonna go ahead
and we're going to highlight both of our guys
and we're gonna let you ask them all the questions.
I'm gonna go ahead and be the MC
as far as I'm gonna read the question out to you guys
and then you're gonna answer them.
So let's put equal number of ones up
for Chris and for Nitin, please.
And spotlighting and done.
All right, so let me go ahead and see.
Go ahead and start putting those up.
I'm scrolling all the way down to the bottom, okay.
My husband is an only child, Susan, I'm so sorry.
He has an imaginary brother named George though,
but that's it.
Just an imaginary brother named George.
Flat George, piece of cardboard that lived under his bed.
You guys, is that not the saddest thing
you've ever heard in your life?
Okay, all right.
Shenanigator, how tall is Nitin?
Nitin, they wanna know how tall you are,
but you're like 5'10", right?
Nope, 5'8".
5'8", 5'8", of course.
On his license though, 5'10",
but 5'8 is a very respectable height
because most men are 5'8 or 5'9",
and we all know it's true.
All right, Nitin, what is the meaning of your name?
As I shall sow, so shall I reap.
Really?
Wow, I didn't expect that.
That's awesome.
All right, both guys, do you dance?
And if so, what kind?
Salsa, bachata, bachata, ballroom, what do you got?
Take turns, go ahead.
I do not dance well,
but I'm open to learning with and for the right person.
I'll put it that way.
All right, you like it?
I like dancing, ballroom, ball, salsa, merengue,
tango, foxtrot.
All right.
So I love dancing, I need a good dance partner.
I love it.
Okay, so what age ranges are you guys looking for?
I'm gonna skip that,
but are you open to children still?
None of you, neither one of you have had children,
so what, are you open to,
or do you wanna have biological children?
Are you looking to do that?
Yes, Jackie, but I'll leave it up to the Lord.
If it's adoption, then so be it.
So I keep my options open on that front.
Okay, Chris?
And for me, I would say,
I believe that kids are in my future.
And like Jaden said, whether biological or otherwise,
leave that up to the Lord.
And are either one of you open to children
that are already here in the woman you fall in love
with life, that you're bonus children
from other marriages with them,
or just they have kids already.
Are you open to women with kids?
You know, I would say yes.
I've kind of gone back and forth in my mind about that
because it's a little bit intimidating
as a guy to go from zero to dad,
zero to 60 really quickly,
because a lot of people get to do that as a process.
And it's a complicated thing to navigate,
I think with the dating phase especially,
but I think with the right person,
I would definitely be open to it.
All right, I let go, Chris, I'm on the fence.
So my preference is if they are small kids like less than five years, it's doable.
But beyond that, I honestly, I'm not quite sure.
Okay, that's fair.
And are either one of you willing to relocate?
So Nitin, you're in Raleigh, and, and Chris is in Austin.
Yep, as the Lord leads, not a problem.
I hope that I will not go to Florida, too hot and humid for me.
My Florida ladies are like, Oh, no, don't you know?
Yeah, you know, as I alluded to before, the Lord really providentially and
supernaturally brought me to Austin.
And I think that my, my motto for that is I'm planted in Austin until I'm not.
And that can happen very quickly, you know especially when the Lord is
coordinating something with someone else.
It really could be a blink of an eye.
So yeah, I'm open.
If, if, if I get a green light,
me, that's awesome.
We do both of you open to I'm sorry, go ahead and what'd you say you to I'm just
saying me too.
I have nothing to there's nothing in Raleigh that is holding me back.
So if God says move, then it's move.
Got it.
Love it.
Are both of you open to all ethnicities of partner?
For sure.
Yes.
All right.
Um, I'm not open to black or, um, Asian, but as I said, I'm going to keep my eyes.
I'm not attracted to black women.
So I just want to make that clear.
But other ethnicities I'm open.
So I think that that, I think that's a very, you know, authentic and, and, you
know, a thing to say, especially in a group forum like this.
So all of you have preferences and all of you have things that you're not familiar
with and that you may be.
And I've had people tell me this all the time.
In fact, what I have found a lot of times is that people actually are not open to a
lot of times their own ethnicity besides of course, plain old white people, but
like the Indian people that I have matched, like private clients, they always
tell me, yeah, I'm open to everyone, but my ethnicity, the, the Asian people that
I've matched a lot of times they're like, I'm open to anyone, but my ethnicity.
And I think that a lot of times that is, that is rooted in heartwounds and it's
rooted in, you know, like generational and family stuff and different things.
So I want to tell all of you, I asked the question, but I want to really
encourage you because God is making so many inter ethnic and interracial
matches in this day and age, please be open to people, regardless of culture,
regardless of skin color, regardless of anything, because you never,
ever know what God is wanting to do.
So just, just keep an open mind and open heart because God is the matchmaker and
we want to make sure that we're surrendering the pen.
So, um, okay.
So thanks for being honest about that, that you just haven't been attracted in
the past, but guess what?
The past is gone.
So we don't know.
We never know.
All right.
So let's see, what do you do for work and for fun?
Um, Nitin owns his own business.
What kind of business is it Nitin and Chris?
Uh, what do you do?
So Jackie, I just, I'm an independent consultant right now, and I'm in the
process of establishing my own company.
Um, so that's in the works, but in the future, I see more like IT consulting.
And then you want me to answer?
What do I do for fun?
Yes, please.
Okay.
Well, as I said, I love to dance.
I'm an outdoorsy guy.
I I'm active.
I cannot stay at home all the time.
So I need to get out.
I love to travel.
Um, definitely some, uh, internet international destinations are on the
list and I did a road trip to California by myself last year.
It was fantastic.
So I love on a long weekend.
Let's go and explore a new city.
Okay.
Yeah, that's fun.
Okay.
What about you, Chris?
What, what is it that you do exactly?
And what are your hobbies?
What's your fun?
Oh, work rides right now, actually very similar to Nitton, which is, which was
very interesting to me, Nitton, as you were sharing, uh, I'm working on
standing up a, a boutique consulting firm.
I have a number of folks I'm partnering with and we're getting together to, um,
to, to focus on international marketing consulting and market entry consulting.
And, and that's kind of adjacent to what I did before I moved to Austin, which was
I, I was in the federal government, uh, in an office that works on international
trade, uh, issues.
And so a lot of the international trade stuff that was in the news for the last
administration, I got to do stuff with, um, and so, uh, uh, workers consulting
essentially, and, uh, interest-wise, uh, also outdoors.
of camping, super bummed that in Texas, you know, it's it's 90 degrees plus during the
day and then 80 degrees at night. It makes camping a whole lot harder as I discovered
in the winter time. Yeah, it's hot hotter than Satan's armpit here right now. Big fan
of hiking, big fan of travel. The Lord has really cultivated an interesting connection
between me and Finland in particular and a few other places in Europe, but especially
Finland. So I go over there at least two or three times a year to see friends in about
three or four different cities. And yeah, I think as I shared with you the other day
at coffee, Jackie, it's it's less for me about the thing to do and more about the people
that I'm doing it with. So I'm I'm super open to trying all kinds of things as long as I'm
with quality people.
Love that.
Sorry, Jackie. Love to go with you, man. Let's make let's plan a trip if we can.
Look, I made a match, you guys. The same consulting, they're going to be BFFs. Now they're going
to be friends. Okay, guys, the system works. Look, see? All right. Yeah, it works. It works.
Okay, the last and final question for both of you bachelor number one and two. And by
the way, we weren't at coffee. We were at matcha. There's this when you think it's Michelle's
question. I think it's so good, Michelle. Thanks for submitting it. What is your vision
when you think about your wife? What what is she like? You know, and we don't need to
talk about what she looks like. But what is she like? What characteristics does she carry?
You know, how does she make you feel as a man? You know, what kind of support does she
give you? Let's talk about what your wife, not your woman, but your wife. That's a thing.
What's the vision that you have about her? And do you want to run with that one first?
Or I can jump in? Go ahead, Chris. All right. I'll throw a few things out there. And they're
all in kind of the want to have list and and at varying levels of I think, importance.
I would say emotional intelligence is a big one. I'd say that they are ambitious or have
dreams that they're pursuing for something. Because as a man, it I think our wiring as
men is that we really want to add our strength to supporting our partner. And having having,
you know, them have a dream that they're pursuing something they're building something
they're running after. I've always found that the relationships I've been in have worked
better when I'm able to come alongside someone and support them. And then likewise, really
important to me for someone to have my back in the stuff that I'm pursuing and the stuff
that I'm building. I think it's really important that she is doing the work to be healed and
whole doesn't have to you know, I'm not arrived. I think none of us are really fully arrived.
But at least on the journey of healing, and and pursuing wholeness is really important
to me. I've been accused of being an old soul. So I've kind of felt sometimes that someone
with a with depth would be really nice. And then someone who's kind.
Yeah, that's so good. You guys reason why I didn't ask what their marriage looks like.
And that's also a good question. But what does the what's the woman that they want to
partner with? What does she like? What's her character like? What is she carrying?
Because at the end of this, as soon as Nitin goes, I'm going to invite you to email us
if you think that you fit that criteria. Now, I didn't ask them what age range you're looking
for, because I don't want you to email us to put your hat in the ring, so to speak for
either gentleman, if you are more than six years, either way of them, okay. And so I'm
going to keep it to six. That's what we're going to do. So please go ahead and email
us if you're within that six year age range of them. All right. Nitin said he's 52. Right.
And then Chris is 38. All right. And so we're going to keep it both ways. I know that men
are often like, well, I wouldn't like someone older, but you don't know until you know.
All right. And so let's keep it there. We'll actually do seven. We'll do seven years. And
so let's go ahead and put that there. So if you feel like they described you at the
end here, and you're willing to relocate or you, you know, you heard their preferences
and certain things, no children older than five, that kind of thing, then email us. And
you're going to put simply their name and the subject line, Chris or Nitin, you're going
to put their name in the subject line and you can, you can write us an email in the
body, but we need to know in the subject line, what you're emailing us about. It would be
easier for us to triage those emails to the right people in order to go through those
and make those introductions.
Thank you so much.
Nitin, it's your turn.
Jackie, I'm 51.
So, oh yeah.
51, thank you.
Okay.
First of all, I'm not looking for perfection.
I'm not perfect.
So I want to, my vision of my wife is
somebody who's feminine,
somebody who's kind, understanding,
somebody I can trust.
That's very important to me.
Somebody that I can open up to, share my heart,
one who believes in teamwork, right?
We both compliment each other and God completes us.
I prefer somebody who is definitely active, right?
Has a vision of her own,
because I want to support her
in what God has called her to do.
I also believe in getting her support
and really being a kingdom building couple
and helping each other to fulfill our vision.
I want to travel.
I want to enjoy my life.
I want to have fun in my marriage.
I've been waiting so long.
So it's all good.
No worries.
But I just want to, you know, seriously have fun,
enjoy what we do,
spend time together and do,
and take on this journey called life.
Yes.
Love that.
Guys, we want to have fun.
Raise your hand if you've been waiting for a long time
to partner with someone
and you want to have a fun marriage.
You do.
Obviously it's going to be full of all those deeper,
more spiritual things and building a family and a legacy,
but you also want to have fun.
You want to have some things in common.
You want to enjoy each other's personalities.
Be compatible.
My husband is my best friend.
Best friends make the best lovers.
Amen.
All right.
Okay.
Well, guys, thank you so much for coming tonight.
We really appreciate you so much.
Remember, email us if you feel like you fit that criteria
and you feel you fit some of the other
more practical criterias that we put forth tonight.
All right.
And go ahead and put their first name,
Nitin or Chris in the subject line of that email
so we can sort through those emails
because I have a feeling we're going to get a bunch.
All right.
And it's super important that we're able to do that quickly.
We don't want to be waiting forever.
We want to go ahead and move forward.
Now, if you do not hear back from us after you send us that,
and it's been a week,
that means that we did not think that it was a good match
and we did not make the introduction for whatever reason,
or we did make the introduction
as far as we gave all the profiles to the guys
and they did not, you know,
decide to move further in talking to you.
Remember, not everyone can fall in love with you,
only the right one.
So we're not going to be offended by that
because it's a yes until it's a no.
And it's like, thank you, next.
And we're going to be doing single spotlights
every week going forward, you guys.
And so there's going to be lots of men and women,
plus the LYS community portal on the app
is going to be opening really soon.
And you guys can make your own introductions with each other
and that'll be great as well.
All right.
Love y'all.
Have an amazing night.
See you soon.
Bye everyone.
Bye. Thank you, Chris.
Thank you, Nitin.
Bye-bye.