Hello, welcome, welcome. Hi everyone. Welcome to our heart check in. I am going to ask if you have a zoom user any kind of generic thing on your name.
If you'll click on the three like your computer name. If you'll click on the three dots. Like if you hover over your picture and just at least put your first name and last initial just so I know who you are.
That way I can call you by name. That will be super helpful.
All right. Welcome. Who's here. Is anyone joining me joining us for the first time tonight. You've never been on a live session ever. Okay, awesome. Becca. Hi, Michelle. Hello. Anyone else you can put it in the chat to if that's easier. Oh, okay.
It's even better. I'm trying to figure out. I think I signed in wrong zoom
Right event. So if you just like when you hover over your picture. If you click on the three dots, it'll say rename
And then I've been any name you want for this and you can select you just want it to change the name for this one time or every time you log in there so you can just pick one time.
Perfect. Yeah, I have no idea which one I
Different emails. Thank you.
All right. You're welcome. All right. Well, welcome, everyone. Those joining us for the first time, as well as those coming back. Some of us.
Some of our ladies are in phase two and come back for more hard work on occasion. So we're glad that you're here and that you are placing yourself in a position to receive what God has for you tonight.
When I encourage you all to really lean in tonight to what the Holy Spirit wants to say to you.
And I was just kind of pausing and praying for a few minutes before we hopped on and I just felt really led to pray something I haven't prayed in a long time, specifically, is that
God, no matter what I say, by the time it reaches their heart. Let it be exactly what they need to hear.
You know, and just that reminder to humble myself humble ourselves, you know, in God's presence and just really lean into what he's trying to say to you specifically tonight.
Also, just my other housekeeping. I don't have a lot tonight is just for you all to share your wins. Keep sharing your wins and I will keep encouraging you all to do this on your journey.
Because what can happen in our heartwork season is we can see all the things that still need healing and it can really become overwhelming at times.
And especially for people that have a and when I said propensity. It's like you don't mean to do it. It's just you are tend to be harder on yourself.
You might be someone who will get caught down in the depression feelings, if you will.
Having to visit heartwork in certain areas again or even heartwork in general. Some of you might be feeling that fight or flight. Like, I don't know if I really want to do this. Why did I sign up for this.
All that kind of stuff. It's super important to celebrate your wins along the way and focus more on those than on the hard parts of doing heartwork.
And it's not that you ignore the reality because at times it is hard. Right. But when we focus on what is hard. It's hard. It's actually harder for us to see the progress that we're making
And I know that some of you are seeing the wins, but the enemy has really been trying to get some of you all trapped in oppression.
And depression and all of that kind of stuff. So I want to pray specifically as we kind of start tonight over that for a little bit. Not a lot, but I just felt led just even just now as I'm talking about it.
I'm that the Holy Spirit would just come and lift that off of you. Those of you that are feeling a little bit of that way.
And yes, I mean headaches, all kinds of stuff. Y'all are going to experience all different kinds of stuff. If you're getting a lot of headaches. I will encourage you to drink a lot of water.
Epsom salt baths. I know I'm not giving you medical advice. I'm just telling you, sometimes there's natural remedies to help your body process toxins out
Okay, and Epsom salts baths. That's a good way. And you can even put your feet in that you don't even have to get in the whole bath. Do you all know that
So just that's a way to get toxins out and your feet are huge receptors for good things. Okay, so you have a lot of pressure points, a lot of places even essential oils can be really cleansing and healing and very natural. Okay.
So I want to encourage y'all keep leaning in celebrate your wins and your victories along the way. And I want to encourage you, for those of you. I see so many lovely faces on screen tonight without me even asking. I'm so excited about that.
If you're able to turn your screen on so that we can see you and you don't have it on yet would love to see your faces.
Here's why. And I'm going to, you're going to get sick of hearing me say this, but it's good for you.
So in this season, you are coming out of hiding. You're coming out of all the ways that you may be at times, especially in the season of COVID where we kind of got up, you know,
behind screens all the time.
And then we would just show up
and not turn our screens on, right?
But this also can translate into ways
that we're not showing up as our full selves in the world.
Like literally when we go out and about,
we don't, we've turned into a society.
We don't want people to talk to us, myself included.
Y'all, I used to like go to my neighbor's houses
and talk to people.
And over the years, the world has caused us to what?
Isolate, withdraw, not engage.
And I believe in this season,
God is actually telling us to go forth, isn't he?
He's telling us to come out of hiding and to go forth,
to tell the good news and all of that stuff.
And we can do that if we aren't hiding, okay?
And that also is gonna include the stuff
that's gonna happen with your spirit mate in the future.
So we'll talk to y'all more about that in phase two,
but if you practice now, it is gonna help you later on.
So I wanna encourage you that.
I'm gonna go ahead and pray and we're gonna get started.
Father, thank you so much for God this night.
Thank you so much for every woman that is here,
those that will watch the replay.
God, we know that you are mighty, that you are powerful,
that you're the creator of heaven and earth
and nothing is too hard for you.
I thank you that when the enemy comes in
and causes doubt and unbelief or fear,
we thank you that you cause him to flee seven ways
that we don't have to be afraid of him,
that your perfect love is what cast out all fear.
So Lord, I thank you that you would help us
to experience your perfect love in a fresh way tonight,
that we would hear what your spirit is saying to us
louder than any voice of the enemy.
And we just ask you, Father Jesus Christ,
by the power of your blood that you would break
every shackle, every spirit of oppression,
every spirit of depression, panic, worry,
fear, dread disorders, we just thank you in Jesus name
that you would release a spirit of freedom, of liberty,
of a sound mind, of love and abundance
in every area of our lives.
And we just thank you that we would receive everything
that you have for us tonight, Lord,
that you would bring everything out of darkness
into the light so that we can step further into the freedom
that you've already, Jesus died to give us.
Holy Spirit, we thank you that you're here.
We invite you to come in.
We've in and out of our conversations,
out of the teaching parts, out of just the breakouts,
out of the group shares and make your mark tonight
on our hearts and our minds and our spirits.
We thank you, Holy Spirit, that you're our comforter,
you're our counselor, you're our guide,
you're our ever present help in time of need.
We can rely on you and I thank you
for your presence in our lives.
In Jesus name, amen.
Y'all, God is so good.
He's three in one, God, the Father, Jesus Christ
and the Holy Spirit, and he's always working
to lead us into greater revelation.
So I hope that is what happens in your heart tonight.
We're gonna talk about two different things tonight.
I wanna kind of preface it in advance
because both are massively important to your freedom,
to your breakthrough.
Tonight, we're gonna talk about God knows the why
behind the what, and we're gonna talk about forgiveness
and forgiveness in regards to men specifically tonight.
And so that's where we're going.
So I hope that you'll track with us the whole way
because God has something for you in store.
When I say God knows the why behind the what,
obviously y'all, for those of you, I should say,
that are at this point in the coursework,
you've heard Jackie already talking about that.
If you're not there yet, you will hear more about this.
But the point is that every single one of us makes mistakes
and most of us, how many have ever sinned?
How many have ever made a mistake in your life?
Yes, we all have, right?
We all fall short of the glory of God.
We all make mistakes, we've all sinned.
Praise God for forgiveness and healing and redemption
for all of us, right?
But sometimes we don't even know why we do what we do.
Paul talks about it in the word.
He also said, I wanna do this over here,
but I keep doing the things that I don't wanna do.
And Jackie talked about this several weeks ago.
You can catch it in some of the replays
in Supernatural Saturday,
but there's this war between our spirit man
and our flesh man.
The flesh is made up of our what?
Our soul.
That's our mind, our will, and our emotions.
Y'all know that our emotions can lead us astray
every single day.
We want you to feel the feels
so that God can heal the feels,
but we don't want you to let your feelings
lead you down a path that is not meant for you, okay?
Your feelings are fickle, aren't they?
Sometimes your feelings are gonna just lead you
way off track if you let them.
So tonight, I wanna encourage you
that as we talk about some of these concepts,
some of y'all are gonna feel anger,
you're gonna feel sadness,
you're gonna feel aggravation.
There might be all kinds of stuff.
Feel that stuff, but stay.
They kind of tuned into what we're talking about.
You can even journal, journal and write,
hey, this came up when she was talking about this.
And that's how you're gonna start to recognize
what the Holy Spirit is highlighting to you.
Okay, out of what we're talking about.
We don't always know why we do what we do,
but the Holy Spirit does.
This is why we encourage you all
over and over and over again.
Ask the Lord, ask the Lord, ask the Lord,
what is the root?
What is the first time that you ever experienced
this emotion or this feeling?
When's the first time you ever struggled
with this area of sin?
You know, we're gonna always lead you back
to the Father and Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit
because they are the ones that have the answers
that you need.
We can, as coaches, ask for discernment and wisdom
that ultimately God is your source.
And so we ask the Holy Spirit to reveal things for healing.
That's how that whole process comes into play.
But I wanna ask you tonight,
have you ever paused and asked yourself
and asked the Lord to reveal why you do what you do?
And what I mean by that is what are the cycles
and areas that you tend to struggle on a regular basis?
I'm gonna start reading some examples and some things,
some areas that I believe at times we've all struggled,
but I want you to consider these things.
And again, if anything is highlighted to you
where you start to feel kind of anything rising up in you,
I want you to jot that down
so you remember to go back to that with the Lord later,
or that could come up in our conversation
in breakouts or with group.
Why do you get so angry?
Maybe in traffic, maybe with your kids,
short temper, your kid just really ticks you off,
zero to 180.
Maybe it's your sister that's in that place
and not your kids.
Maybe it's your mom.
I don't know who it is, but why traffic is a big one.
A lot of people cutting people off,
road rage all the time.
It's on an all time high, you all.
I saw it the other day,
people just chasing each other down the road,
back and forth.
Because somewhere along the way, someone ticks someone off.
But we live our lives like that, but why?
Why do we get so angry?
Why do we struggle with authority?
Why do we revert to thoughts like marriage
just maybe isn't for me?
Or maybe I'm just better off with just my friends
or my pets or just being single.
And everybody tells me
that I should just be happy being single.
But I don't really believe that.
But when something happens and there's pressure applied,
my go-to says in me,
I'm just better off without those things.
When things aren't going well, what are the lies?
What are the things that are surfacing?
What are the go-tos for you
where you maybe do go into sin?
Is it overeating?
Is it drinking?
Is it trying to hook up with a guy?
Is it pornography?
Is it gossiping?
What is it?
What do we turn to when the pressure gets applied?
What are our trigger points?
Why do we tend to lean towards negative mindsets
and verbiage and things and stories that we tell ourself?
Where did these stories begin?
We talked about that last week.
Instead of accepting every thought that we have as our own,
like just really, again, pausing
and where did this begin, Lord?
Was this actually my thought?
Or did I learn this from someone in my life?
Why do we do the things that harm us?
I referenced a couple of the things that we tend to do.
Maybe in the moment we think and tell ourselves,
well, this is gonna help me feel better.
Not just a glass of wine.
Y'all, I'm not against somebody having a glass of wine.
So I don't want anyone to misunderstand.
But there are times where even in my own life,
I had to pause and ask myself,
and this was more in high school.
When I first gave my life to the Lord,
I was more rule following.
And the church I went to, they said, you don't drink.
And so I didn't for a very, very long time,
never had another drink.
And then I felt like the Lord took me through a season
of learning to not just follow rules,
but to better understand why I was choosing
what I was choosing.
And along that journey, the Lord just started talking to me
and it wasn't that I over drank or that I got crazy
and partied all again and lost my salvation.
None of that happened.
But what I noticed was that when I would get sad
and have a glass of wine, I would feel better.
feel way more sad. I would feel emotions and things enhanced.
And I just started talking to the Lord about it, like, what's
this about? And God just started showing me it's because, you
know, all that's weakening our ability, our defenses, isn't it?
And so the things that we try to press down and ignore, are going
to surface more, right, in heart healing, or when we're doing
things that actually might not be good for us. For me, that's
not something I feel like God wants me to have a lot of in my
life. Because my family, generationally, my dad was an
alcoholic and a drug addict. And I have several other family
members that have also ruined their lives due to drug
addiction, alcoholism, and all of the things. And so I've
always been very careful in that regard anyways. But I started
seeing that sometimes it also like, I didn't always act on it,
y'all. So that's not what I'm saying. But sometimes that
desire to not feel anything was there. That's what I'm trying to
kind of bring to the surface here. And so I think there's a
lot of times where even with men and turning to men, and we want
to feel less alone. And so we go hook up with someone. Y'all, I'm
telling real truths. We have people that confess in heartwork
in phase two and phase three. And I want to encourage you
there's no shame. Okay, I'd rather you all tell us the
honest truth of what you're struggling with, versus hiding
and pretending in some way. Because guess what darkness and
secrets create? What more darkness and more secrets and
more shame and more guilt and condemnation. Y'all when we
allow the Lord to bring things to the light, that is where true
freedom and healing can happen. So I want to encourage you, you
don't have to hide, you can be who you are. And that's how God
is going to start the process of healing for you. But two more
examples I want to give you. Why do we say things like, I've just
always been this way. So they're just going to have to accept me
the way that I am. Or it can sound like this is just the way
that I am. I can't change. Y'all I hear this stuff all the time
too. At all different ages. Why do we allow our hearts to become
hard and position ourselves as if we can't change or believe
the lie that nothing's ever going to change. I put in all
this hard work, but nothing is changing. That is a lie from the
pit of hell. Y'all are changing every single day. You guys may
not see it as much as the coaches see it. But we see what
God is doing in you. And it's glorious. And it's a beautiful
even in the hard moments that y'all are pressing in and you're
receiving from the Lord, and you're healing and you're
growing. And sometimes that growth is really hard. But
you're growing every single day and God is doing a work in your
life. So I want to encourage you to not align with the truth
that you're not making any progress and that nothing is
changing. Even if y'all have done heart work and healing
stuff before, and the enemy is coming to you, and he's telling
you, yeah, nothing really changed after you did that. And
he's trying to tell you that nothing is different this time,
that you're going to do all this work, and you're still not going
to get where you want to be. If that's the lie, the enemy is
feeding you. I want to encourage you just to send him packing
tonight because he is trying to take you off course. He's always
you know, we really battle the enemy. He wants to kill, steal
and destroy. And he wants to hinder God's promise in and plan
for your life. And he doesn't want you to step into your
family and marriage. So we have to resist the devil. And
therefore that is how he flees from us. Okay. All right. James
516 says, therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray
for each other so that you might be healed. The prayer of a
righteous man avails much. So God is trying to encourage you
tonight that your prayers matter. We're going to, we did
confession a couple of weeks ago, but I felt led by the Lord
to do this again tonight, specifically in the areas I've
been talking about. Okay. Why do you do what you do? What is
the area that God is saying to you tonight that you need to
confess about? I'm going to say a couple more things, then I'm
going to get the breakout session. I just want you to be
thinking about that. When we don't confess sins or the secret
struggles or whatever is coming up for you all, here's what
happens. We remain tethered to it. I'm going to talk more about
this. When y'all come back after we do group coaching, what
tether is, what it looks like, and what it creates, and how we can break it. Sins that we don't repent
for or confess of can also create those blind spots, those filters that we've talked about
before, and those are the things that are going to lead, just like myself in the past, that's what led
me to choose unhealthy people. So that's going to be also what would lead us astray to pick unhealthy
people in the futures if we don't allow God to remove the blind spots and filters that are created
through the areas that we need to confess, forgive, all of the things. I'm going to read one other
thing to you and then I'm going to send you into breakouts. I believe this is in chapter nine, you
all. I'm not going to tell you the page because it's different for you all, but I want to read
this because it's about secrets. I alluded to that already and it says this, secrets are dangerous
because they are an infection that's trapped inside of those heart wounds of ours.
Infection is easily treated when it's able to be let out of the body, but when it's trapped inside,
it can cause life-threatening damage. Some of you all are stuck because there's an infection on the
inside because you've been terrified to confess some of the secrets. And some of it, you all,
it's not even, it doesn't even have to be these big secrets. Sometimes they're little secrets.
Okay. Maybe you lied to somebody. Maybe you, maybe you had an affair. Maybe you had an abortion.
You know, there, those are big, small, there are, there's all things in between you all,
but the secrets create infection and infection is what causes you to not only be stuck, but will,
it will cause stuff in your body to go wrong. It's going to cause things to be hindered when
you're believing for the promise. We, we blame God a lot for the promises we don't receive,
but sometimes it's because we haven't fully surrendered and stepped into forgiveness and
healing and areas that we need to. Okay. All right. This is going to be really good. I encourage
you all, keep your cameras on, engage with your sisters. I know it takes a lot of courage,
but you can do it. God brought you here. Your story, what you share might actually help your
sisters break free to remember. You don't have to help each other, help her hats go off. You
just get to encourage each other, love each other, be short, brief, and powerful. Okay.
It's going to be really good. Father, thank you. As they're getting ready to go into breakouts,
thank you that you would just give them the courage to confess the things that you've
already been putting on their hearts, that you would help them to know that you see them,
that you love them unconditionally, that nothing can separate them from your love.
And I thank you that they will step into it further tonight. There you all go.
Praying for you all. Go ahead and click to join, click to join those groups.
Anita, that's totally fine. If you can't go into breakout, you can stay here.
All right. Let's see. Christina, do you see a thing to click to join there?
Not yet. Did you just pop it? Oh, that's why. I just popped it. Okay. Yeah. Hold on one sec.
Go ahead and click to join that.
See who else I have. I think some other people, just their connections are a little delayed.
All right. Father, just thank you so much for these amazing women. Thank you so much for
sharing your story with us tonight. And I just want to say thank you so much to all of you
for being here tonight. And I just want to say thank you so much to all of you for being here
tonight. Father, just thank you so much for these amazing women. Thank you so much for
continuing to work in their hearts, their minds, their bodies, their spirits, and their souls. We
thank you for the courage to confess. We thank you that you would just come in the midst of their
situations and the dynamics they've been walking through. We thank you for lifting heavy weights
and burdens off of them tonight as they confess and turn to you. And Lord, for those that are
watching this replay, I pray that you would show them someone that is safe for them to confess to
with the things that you are revealing to them as well. We thank you that where you lead us,
you don't leave us alone. God, you always take us by the hand. And I thank you that at the times
that we can't walk, that you carry us and that you embrace us and you love us. We thank you,
Jesus, that you came and you allowed your body to be broken, your blood to be shed for the
forgiveness of our sins, for our healing, for our redemption, for our freedom, but also so that we
could be in relationship with you as, excuse me, as you are in relationship with the Father. I
thank you for intimacy and closeness that we can rely on you.
that you came through for us all back then, even knowing the mistakes and the sins that we would
commit. And I thank you, God, that you chose us. I thank you, Jesus, that you chose us. I thank
you, Holy Spirit, that you chose to come so that we would have your help and assistance in every
situation. We thank you that you would help us to guard our hearts and our minds through Christ
Jesus, that we would take every thought captive and make it obedient to Jesus Christ, and that
we would pass down every argument and every high and lofty thing that would exalt itself against
the knowledge of who you are, God, in our lives. And we would say no more, that we would not
continue to align ourselves with the patterns and the ways of the past, the habits that we've walked
in, that we picked up from generations before us, that we would start to just continue to,
just like a coach, shed that stuff off of ourselves and decide that we can be different,
that we are kinsmen redeemers, that we have been called to rebuild and restore, and that you are
the one doing that work in us, and then through us in the lives of our families, our friends, our
communities, for generations to come, that we are the impact because of you, God. We ask for your
glory to come and your will to be done in our lives and the lives of our families. We thank you
that you would just continue to bring, yes, Lord, in the name of Jesus Christ and by the power of
your blood, Jesus, that you would right now in Jesus' name bind and break every spirit of religion,
every spirit of oppression, depression, every spirit of unforgiveness, bitterness, resentment
in Jesus' name, that you would then loose a spirit of healing, a spirit of forgiveness, a spirit of
release and love and of power and of a sound mind, that we, Jesus, would walk in your ways, that we
would learn from you as we study the word of God that's true, it's alive, it's living, and it's
sharper than any two-edged sword, that it would cut through bone and marrow, and it would bring truth
and life to us, that the cutting between bone and marrow isn't to bring destruction to us, it's to
bring healing and redemption and truth and to the core of who we are. And so, Lord, we thank you that
you're rewriting our stories and you're helping us to hear what your spirit has to say louder than
any voice of the enemy. And so, Lord, tonight we thank you that you would help us to partner with your
truth. We thank you that you're continuing to minister life and hope, even right now, the ways
that we hear your words, God, let them be through ears that are cleansed, that you would create in us
a clean heart and renew a steadfast spirit within us, Lord, that we would continue to trust in your
word, to trust in your ability to, yes, Lord, just to help us to step into the promises that you're
unfolding before us, that every single day that we would take the next best step that you reveal to
us to do and that we wouldn't take those things lightly, that as we partner with the good plan
that you unfold for us every day as we seek you, God, that we will find you. Your word declares that
if we seek you, we will find you. If we knock, the door will be open to us. So, Lord, if we believe in
any way that we've been knocking and knocking and knocking and you're not opening the door to us,
God, I thank you that you would bring truth to those areas that we believe lies that have led
us to believe that you've abandoned us because that's not who you are. You're a good father who's
faithful, who's kind, who's loving and giving and you show up and you fulfill your promises. You are
not a man that you would lie and that you've never lied. So, Lord, we thank you that you would bring
truth to every area that's wounded, that has made us susceptible to the lies of the enemy. We thank
you that you are bringing truth and healing. I thank you that you would just continue to transform
mindsets tonight. Yes, Lord, I thank you that you would give people new hearts tonight. We thank
you that you would remove the hearts of stone that are hard and unable to receive your truth
and that you would put in the place of our hardened stony hearts a heart of flesh that's
soft and pliable to you. And I thank you, Lord, that we don't have to be afraid.
We don't have to fear what might come in the days ahead because we can trust and rely on you. We
thank you that we can hide under the shadow of your wings and in the presence of the Almighty
and we thank you that you will continue to help us. Yes, Lord, to see ourselves through your eyes
in a fresh way. I thank you that you cancel all debts. I thank you that you would help
us to learn how to forgive ourselves even more tonight.
I thank you that, yes Lord, I thank you that you are doing,
even right now, you're just showing me something
that I didn't even see earlier today
that you want me to touch on tonight.
I thank you that as you are speaking truth
about canceling our debts,
that you Lord would help us to release ourselves
from the bondages we've put on ourselves.
Lord help us to trust that you are, you forgive us.
You've forgiven us and you don't keep coming back
and holding that over our heads.
So if that's happening, we know and recognize
that that is the enemy trying to cause us to believe
that we are not forgiven when we've already been forgiven.
So Lord, I thank you that you would help those
that are struggling with forgiving themselves
or forgiving others, that you would help them
to release everything into your hands.
Ephesians 4.27 in the amplified version says,
do not give place to the enemy.
Don't give him legal access to your life and your family
and do not give the devil an opportunity
to lead you into sin by holding a grudge
or nurturing anger or harboring resentment
or cultivating bitterness.
We thank you Lord, that we will be daughters
that have hearts that are humble before you.
That we would continue to seek your face
and Lord, I thank you that you would help us Lord
to have the grace and the courage in every moment
to pursue healing, to Lord open up our hearts
to receive the new that you have for us,
including all of the love that will come
as we choose to forgive, as we choose to confess,
as we choose to repent and repent being fully turn away
and go in a different direction
from where we've been going in the past.
We thank you Lord in advance for everything
that you're doing, God that you're leading us
into new destinies, new stories, new life where yes Lord,
new life where we haven't seen life before.
Thank you for your redemption plan.
Thank you God that you see all things
and know all things that we need.
Hi ladies, welcome back.
30 seconds and we'll have everybody back.
It's gonna be good.
Hello, welcome back.
Jenna, love that green shirt.
Looks really nice on you.
Thank you, it's from Target.
Oh, I love it, looks good.
Y'all look great, all of y'all look great.
I wore it to go get my driver's license,
but thanks to the whole technological thing,
the DMVs are closed.
Oh, gotcha.
Well, maybe you'll get dressed up all over again.
There's purpose in everything y'all,
even in the little things,
like I don't think God caused that to happen,
but I think the practice of putting on something cute
is good practice and feeling really great
when you go out and about.
Who, welcome back by the way,
who wants to share with the whole group
what you shared in your private breakout group?
Okay, yes, I should remember this from last week.
You're gonna have to remind me.
Oh, unmute yourself, sorry.
I want you to try, you almost had it.
I said?
Think rye bread.
You said?
Shirai?
Is it Shirai?
Yes, it is.
Okay, okay, okay.
I was nervous.
When I practice, I always just feel really bad
where I get it wrong.
Okay, Shirai, go ahead.
Okay, I shared that I'm a perfectionist
and I'm a planner
and I will plan things out in my own mind
about how things should go with friends,
whatever, whatever, it doesn't matter.
And then if I'm a little bit late
or somebody impedes in whatever I was planning, I lose it.
Okay, so let me ask you this.
When that happens, what is your deepest fear?
Like if you don't feel, let me say it this way.
If you don't feel perfect in that moment or that situation,
what is your deepest fear that rises up?
I just feel like I have to have everything right.
Like everything has to be right.
Okay, when's the first time you remember feeling that way?
I guess I felt really, I feel.
really out of felt out of control or couldn't control the situation when my parents separated.
Even though it was it wasn't even though it was not necessarily a bad thing, you know,
that they separated. There was just a lot of things I couldn't control when they were
together as a kid. And I definitely couldn't control what happened during their split up.
Subsequently, all everything that had to do with all of that. So
So what's the first time? Okay, so when's the first time when they were together?
And you say I couldn't control things when they were together.
I'm just what's the first situation that comes to your mind that felt scary or overwhelming?
When you have the thought I can't control this.
It definitely has to be with I don't know what they were arguing about.
But I vividly remember my dad picking up like some kind of two by four
and swinging it toward my mom. And I remember saying mom duck.
And that's the only thing I remember. I don't remember what they were arguing about.
All I remember is saying mom duck. Okay.
Okay, so on this lady is the reason I'm kind of leading her through this a little bit. And
you might have already done work on this. But tonight, we're going to do some healing
and forgiveness work regarding men, specifically. And so even if your dad isn't the one that God
leads you to talk about tonight in that timeframe, really want to encourage you
to really lean into this memory a little bit with the Lord. And ask the Lord if there's any
other memories he wants you to kind of work with him on regarding your parents, y'all.
And the reason I'm saying this is because while we don't, we may not realize it.
A lot of the reason we struggle today in situations where we get very triggered where
our anger or our frustration, again, goes from that zero to 180 is because typically
underneath the surface, there's something that we are afraid about, or that were that is still
hurting underneath the surface. And so anytime the little girl Shirai feels scared, whether you
realize it or not, what's happening is that's what's causing that spike. When you feel like
something's not perfect, or you can't control it, or whatever. It's because the little Shirai
is still scared and hurting, if you will. Does that make sense, everyone?
Is everyone following me? I can't tell. Okay. I see some head shakes now. Okay. And so I'm not
saying like in a weird, creepy way, you talk to your little selves, but you all, I'm a big proponent
for encouraging you all to merge back with your little, your young you. Because a lot of you,
myself included in the past, when trauma happened, we began like, in a sense, and not know, again,
this is not creepy, but like, we start creating these protection mechanisms and tell ourselves
that we are not safe. And so we don't remain intact fully with who we are. And so we create
these false versions of ourselves. Again, that's how these trauma things happen. We believe lies,
and then the lies plant all this other stuff. And that's how different versions of us are created.
But a lot of times it's at the core, the younger, yeah, Ivanka, you can call it the inner child.
It's our younger self, literally. And so God has taught me a lot about inviting Jesus into
core memories like that, that were scary, that were wounding, whatever, and ask Jesus to show
you where he was at in that situation as well. So the truth that you need is not only, okay,
Jesus, what was hard in this situation? Reveal that to me. But you also need to know,
Jesus, where were you when this happened? And what do you want me to know about it?
And just ask him, and he'll start showing you things. And y'all, some of this journey is about
you all learning how to trust what God is showing you. And especially for those of you, some of you
have said, well, what if I made a mistake before when I was asking God about something? How can I
trust myself? Well, it's, it's called you, you have to relearn how to trust yourself.
And that comes through practice. Okay. So I want to encourage you all.
I guess that's my concern. I'm sorry. That's my concern is that I've had moments that I thought
I've heard God. And so it does make me cut. And then, but I'm not sure I trust that because things
didn't pan out what I thought I heard. Yeah. I remember you talking about that before,
but I think this is a new season. So even though that happened before Shirai,
I really want to encourage you to keep partnering.
you are different now, and so you're going to hear different now, you're in this community,
and you can run things by us. If things don't align with the Word of God, a lot of times we're
just going to say, hey, that's not quite aligning. And even prophetic words, y'all, just so y'all,
like, when people get prophetic words, we really discourage prophetic words about mates and dates,
and there's a third topic, and it's just not something that we highly recommend. So if people
give you prophetic words like that, we would really encourage you to always really take those
to the Lord, and if they don't align with God's Word for your life, just be very careful with
those, okay? But Shirai, it is about you relearning to trust yourself, and that will be something that
will happen more and more as you continue to heal, and just even acknowledging, like,
when that situation happened, like, how did you feel as a little girl? And just sitting with that
and talking to the Lord about it and owning your emotions in that moment, those are the kind of
things that are going to also help you learn how to trust yourself, even in the present today. That
make sense, everyone? All right, awesome. Thank you so much for sharing. Leslie, go ahead.
Okay, so I was sharing with them that I feel like this, well, last week, I was super emotional. I'm
pretty sure a couple of these girls were in my breakout room with me, not just that day,
but, like, every day, just pouring tears. But prior to joining the heart work, I was seeing a
guy for, I don't know, maybe five months, and things started to kind of decline, not terribly,
but enough to where I started to question things, and that's when I pulled the trigger on joining
the heart work. Well, sure enough, I start hearing from him again, and then last week,
totally got in my feels and was triggered immediately by something he said and went
just completely off on him. And then I felt so guilty for not guarding my tongue and feeling
like I was being driven by my emotions and my feelings more than by the things that I've been
learning through this heart work course. Then we do the let go, hold on session, and I felt even
more confused because I thought, was I supposed to let him go, or am I supposed to just kind of
hold on? Because I do feel like he's my friend, too, and we share things throughout the day with
each other. He lives kind of far away, so our personal interaction wasn't always frequent.
It was more distant, like it still kind of is, and so the confession was more about
being in my feels all the time, it seems like, and trying to stay more on track with
letting God lead me in that way and the Holy Spirit lead me in that way instead of how I feel
that day when I wake up in the morning. But also the tendency, when you said the desire to not feel,
is I have a tendency to, when I feel so bad in that way, is to try to go to bed as soon as possible.
And whether that's taking a gummy of some kind or a Unisom or a Benadryl or whatever it is that,
I'm not much on drinking because then I kind of feel yucky from that, but I'll take something quick
that'll make me go to sleep. And the longer I can sleep, the better I feel because I've just
completely blocked it out. So, yeah, so anytime any of you all shut down like that when you're
feeling so intensely, I want to encourage you to ask yourself, when is the first time I did this?
When's the first time you, and again, you're not asking yourself, you're asking the Lord to reveal
to you, when is the first time I totally, you know, took something to go to sleep and check out?
And just help him remind you of why you did that and what was going on when you chose to do that
and come into that place and heal that wound because that wound was the core. And some of
you all, as you do this, you'll get there and that will get healed. And then God will actually
show you, there's actually another thing underneath of that, of that layer that also needs
healed. So it is, it can be a process at times, but go with what he shows you first. That's how
the revealing for healing kind of cycle happens. And then as you go with that and he heals that,
again, I think you'll start to see more there. The other thing that came up when you were talking
is that
at, um, and someone asked even in the thing, and I think this
kind of can go together. What do we do if someone, if we feel
like God said something to us, you all, this is the thing when
we have counterfeit, like identities created through blind
spots, filters, lies, we believe all the trauma, y'all, we hear
everything through those lenses. We see everything through those
lenses. And even God, y'all, I don't know why that thing is up
there on that screen there. Um, and so that's, that is my honest
answer for you. You all, I also had the same thing. I thought
God led me to that guy. I dated for six years. That just cheated
on me over and over and over again. I don't think now that
God led me to him. I think my, um, my insecurities, my
vulnerabilities, I think my lack of boundaries connected me to
him, uh, in the soul realm. I think that I had a lot of lust
that was still kind of like in my life. I wasn't like having
sex with him, but I really battled. And so our, our lust,
like the spirit of the lust connects very quick. That's how
some of you, like when we get together with people, that's why
you got these intense, massive feelings of sexual, whatever the
first couple of times, guess what? That's not healthy. Y'all.
So our, our, we trauma bonded real quick. Cause I overshared.
I think some of y'all probably relate into me right now. So I'm
saying this, all of that, I'm sharing all of that because I'm,
I allowed my soul and my brokenness to lead me into
basically convincing myself that he was sent from God. And I
know that sounds like, okay, well then how can I trust
myself? Well, I had the same question for myself because I
really messed up there, but I can tell you that I absolutely
learned from that situation way more than I even learned from my
prior marriage. You all I've grown as I've gone. And yes, I
made multiple mistakes that man, the redemption of what God has
done, even through those mistakes, as I continue to give
it to him. I mean, I told y'all, like, I truly am living a whole
different life now. So some of you all, you're hanging on to
people because you're not sure. You're not sure like what you're
saying is God telling me to hold on. Is he telling me to let go?
I will say, um, even people that are friends that are guys, some
of you all really need to be asking God, is this someone I
should be talking to during heartwork?
Because some of these friends, and I'm not saying he's not your
friend, but we've had romantic feelings towards them at some
point. And then we keep staying in contact with them. And God is
trying to talk to you, but you're still hanging on to these
people. And I'm not saying you have to get rid of them for good,
but even some of these guy friends have been taking up
space in your all's world and your hearts and your minds. And
you, you need to press pause on them. And I can't tell you that
that's the case for you, Leslie, God needs to tell you that. And
even if you do your best to hear God, and you, let's just say you
make a mistake, guess what? God will help you. Okay. So you just
walk it out to the best of your ability right now. But I'm just
using that as an example for everyone, because I think that
multiple people are battling with that in various different
ways right now. And I'm not saying you have to get rid of
people are battling with that in various different ways right
now, in this group, just from post I've seen and questions and
things that I kind of have a sense that's going that's going
on and happening. So some of y'all have been friend zoned a
lot. And some of those guy friends that are in your life
are actually, you know, just taking up space that needs to be
there for your spirit mate in the future. But God needs to
show you when to let go and who to hold on to. Just want to
remind you, it's all balance, y'all. Good, good, good, good
share. And Tammy, go ahead. And you know what I'm going to do
now just so y'all know, I'm going to do popcorn and
everyone's going to share and I just nobody else put hands up.
So everybody that I see right now, Tammy, Emily, Christina,
Becca, and Monique, we're going to go one after the other. Go
ahead and popcorn share. And then I'll coach after that. And
then I want to get us ready for the next section. Okay. All
right, Tammy. What I shared with our group was that I had
trust issues with the Lord. And and that sometimes I feel like a
child. And I don't know why I'm like getting emotional for this.
But I said that I get angry when I can't seem to understand
something or comprehend what to do.
And when you questioned Shirai, and she mentioned her dad, all of a sudden this memory came.
Now I don't remember any of this because I was very young and my mom told me about it, but
it was like a scene that played out in my mind. And it was the time that my mom told me when
when I was 17 months old that we were at a shelter and he found us at the shelter, my dad,
and my sister was three months old and my mom had hesitations because she didn't feel safe
going back with him, taking us back. And then he got really angry and she said,
you were in the back seat and he kicked you out of the vehicle. You hit the pavement and he took off.
And then she said, when I was two, I was standing up in the back seat of the car and he punched me
in the back twice because I didn't sit down while he was driving. And she said, it put a deep arch
in my back. And so she said, I kind of walked kind of pigeon chested. And then when I was five,
she got me a swing set to help to straighten my back out. And then in 2008, when my back went out,
the chiropractor said that my spine was pushed up to my heart. And that's why every time I climbed
stairs, I would be out of breath. But the other thought that came to mind was when I was two and
a half, my dad got really angry and said it was time to leave. And my mom said he yanked me off
the slide and threw me in the air. She said to you, your hands and legs were flinging like you
were a rag doll and your head hit the barbed wire fence. Because I would ask her for years,
why do I have a one inch scar on my head? Like what happened when I was a kid? And she would
never say. And so as Shirai was speaking and mentioned this thing about her dad, like I
forgiven my dad a long time ago and I hold nothing against him. He's gone, you know, he's passed like
17 years ago, but I hold nothing against him. But when you said what happened then,
then he was this thing like, maybe I don't trust God and sometimes feel like a child because
maybe there's just an area there that's still not been healed, even though in past
forgiveness and stuff, I've gone back to that. But when, anyway, I don't want to go on and on, but
yeah. So there, I'm sorry I took so much time. Okay. Emily, I'm going to jump in just real quick.
Okay. So sorry. So number one, you all, if we feel like a child in a certain area,
I'm not making this up. I have felt like that before in certain things over the years.
I really want to encourage you to not be hard on yourself. You all know that when we are little and
we go through traumatic events and y'all, I know this was super hard to hear. And some of y'all
might even be getting triggered right now, but it's super important to stay with me here. Okay.
Um, when we go through stuff that's traumatic like that, just like, uh, it's very similar to
like when an alcoholic, when they went or a drug addict, they start abusing drugs and alcohol,
their brain can actually, you know, kind of be stunted until God, you know, until they,
they choose to turn away from addiction and God heals. God can restore all that you all,
but it does take time and not that it's the same, but there's an inside version of us,
this little kid that does need healing. Um, and so the times that you feel that way,
I really want to encourage you in the days ahead, just to be really kind to yourself.
And again, I'm going to talk about like even the little Tammy be kind to little Tammy because,
um, she needs love and she needs acceptance and she needs to know that it's safe. Now
it's safe. Now to come out and play and be a kid and have fun and enjoy life. And,
and that she's not going to get in trouble by God for doing so, and really just start loving on her.
Um, and, and y'all, I'm, y'all might think I'm a little crazy, but I talk to myself. If I need
encouragement, like y'all the power of our words bring life and death. And I believe that when I
speak to myself, that my spirit lines up with that because the Bible tells me that it will do
that. And so I, even when I felt that way, I was just like, Lord, right now I feel really silly
because I feel like a little kid, but I thank you that you're helping me to grow up in this area,
that you're helping me to not be hard on myself. You're helping me to love myself.
And you're going to teach me what I need to know because you're a good dad.
And I know that sounds really simple, but those kinds of prayers,
I just started aligning with that stuff and it started changing so much.
much rapidly. I feel like God accelerated my understanding and some things, like even
things that I coach you on now, you all, I feel like God accelerated my healing so that
I could help set other people free. And I believe that can be your destiny as well,
Tammy. I really do. Keep moving. You're doing great. Emily, go ahead.
So just when you started sharing, I felt like all this stuff was coming out, like my true
feelings towards men that I have in my heart, carrying a lot of like bitterness and malice
and wrath and even hatred. And it kind of was all like under this lie of like, like
you can't trust men with your emotions and sort of like a general like, well, yeah, that
sounds completely right. And then I was like, well, that doesn't sound right. And that's
not fair. So, yeah, just confessing judgment and just like all this stuff to defend myself
with that lie, like, like accusing people before they even deserve it. And just kind
of like this general like lens of like, yeah, you can't trust men with your emotions. Yeah.
Thank you for sharing. Christina, go ahead.
When we were talking, I was just thinking about there's places I moved across the country
from far away from my family and all of my people in my 40s. And there's places where
I catch myself stress eating or scrolling and numbing. And it's not just that I'm eating
sugar, but that as I'm eating sugar or I'm scrolling or I'm caretaking. And it's kind
of like, like with a little kid, sometimes if you want to be, make them be quiet, you
give them a cookie and turn on the TV and throw them in the corner. And I feel like
I, there's a part of, like there's places where I have this opportunity to be present
with my heart and with the Lord and actually walk into healing and actually walk into grace.
Sometimes I do it, but a lot of time I follow this pattern of doing something to make my
soul shut up and to make, to make her be quiet. Cause I'm not sure what's going to come out
if I give her space and time. So really, this is really important. We're going to circle
back to the things y'all have been saying. I want to make sure we get through Becca and
Monique. Delisa, I'll have to have you hold on. Okay. Becca, go ahead. Thank you for sharing Christina.
For the confession piece, what came up when you were asking some of those questions was
the sort of question of why do I need to like self-solve every situation? And I think it
has something to do with also not wanting to share externally anything that's actually
going on internally. It's something that's come up for me for many, many years. And I
think I'm feeling a sort of permission invitation to dig into that with the Lord in this season
of what is it? The phrase that came up was like self-satisfying. And I don't just mean
it in like a sort of sexual way, but also like in kind of way, like what is it about
my need to take care of things for myself by myself and not invite other people into
solution or not even expose what's actually going on inside of me so that other people
could speak into that or like provide some kind of whatever it is that is needed. So
I think that's the thing that's sort of jumping out most today.
So you guys, this is so many good things. Okay. I'm going to come here in a minute. Monique,
go ahead. Thank you for sharing Becca. Okay. So I was saying in my group,
I struggle with eating as far as like escaping. I was molested when I was younger. And I think
for me, it's been a safety mechanism, right? Because if I'm overweight, a guy's not going
to want to harm me in that way. And so it's like, I feel like I can halfway try other things. Like
I got the master's degree. I can learn a new program, like everything else I halfway try
and I succeed like over and above when I actually try to like eat clean and diet and exercise.
It's like, I can't commit. I can't.
and stick to it. And I think the lie to telling myself was, well,
this is safe, right? Cause food's not going to hurt me. You
know, um, no one's going to try to like rape and kidnap me. You
know, I think it's this lie. I keep believing, but it's like,
I love how you said it. Like Jesus, where were you when that
happened? And I think that's, that's what I wrestled with.
Cause I, I feel like, did you just close your eyes? Like,
yeah. So I'm going to share something with you all. I'm
going to jump in and coach here because I think it's super
important. So I will share with you all. When I asked Jesus
where he was, when I was abused sexually, you all, he was
weeping. He wept. He weeps for us when we're hurting. And a lot
of people, and we're not going to get into the whole
philosophical thing. Um, well, why didn't he just stop, you
know, jump in and stop it. We, we kind of touched on that a
couple of weeks ago. God gives everyone free will out of his
great love for everyone. And people choose unhealthy things.
And there's a lot of brokenness in the world, but I feel like
it's important to share this right now that, and we talked
about this in the session earlier today. Do y'all know
when, when Lazarus died, it says that Jesus wept. Isn't that
interesting? Jesus knew he was going to heal him and raise him
from the dead. I believe it's a sign of the actual reality that
there was emotion that God expresses Jesus, Holy spirit,
again, they're three in one. So when we talk about one, we're
talking about the other, Jesus showed us in his humanity that
God has emotion and that his heart breaks for us. I want
some of y'all to consider that, that when you were broken and
hurt by someone else, that God wept for you. And I reminded
everyone today, and I feel led again, I wasn't planning on
bringing this up again, but I feel like it's super important
again, tonight that scripture talks about that God will
collect our tears in a bottle. Do you think someone who's
unkind and uncaring would do that? I don't think so. I think
God in his great care for us is saying with that scripture, I
care about what pains you and what has hurt you. And I want to
make it right. Do y'all know that a lot of times scripture
talks about oil being poured out over us wholly, like the
living water, the Holy spirit is like living water, it fills us
afresh. And it's like bellies of living water flowing up out of
us. And there's all this metaphor stuff and symbolism of
water and refreshing. And you all those tears that he's
collecting in the bottle. Some of y'all have cried for a long
time, and you felt like nobody noticed or cared. And then
you've been all alone. And that has not been true. And God has
been saying in due season, I'm going to pour these out over
you like choice, oil. He is going to restore to you all the
locust has eaten in the moth has destroyed. But you have to
start believing that he is good. And partner with that truth.
The enemy wants you to believe God's not good. And he will do
that through the things that people do to harm us. And the
enemy will be like, See, I told you God didn't love you. Because
if he did, he would have he would have stopped that. Y'all
Joseph, if you look at the example of his life, went
through horrible things, did he not? God loved him, and was with
him all along. God never left him. Joseph was promoted over
and over and over again, even in the even in the prison cell. He
was promoted. How does that happen? Because God was with
him. God was blessing him even in the midst of the hardest
moments. And I believe God is trying to say that to some of
you tonight, we're going to start to shift. I'm going to
coach more on some of the other stuff. I want to shift on the
forgiveness section. I feel like we have to go there tonight.
Because we're there already, aren't we? We're there already.
God in his goodness already set up this conversation. Some of
y'all, Becca, Christina, Emily, I haven't forgotten you. Okay,
we're gonna come back. We're gonna come back. James 516 was
what I gave you guys about confessing. We talked about the
tethers.
I want to encourage you all to start thinking about these tethers, a tether pole.
I use this example a lot just because it's what I'm most familiar with.
I grew up in the day and age where there was these tether ball games on the playgrounds,
and it's a pole that had a rope and a ball at the end of it,
and you would just stand there as kids and you'd hit it back and forth.
And I use this example because the ball never got unhooked, well, unless it got broken,
but it stayed hooked to the rope, and the rope, guess what,
stayed hooked to the pole until what? Until someone removed it from the pole.
Someone physically had to remove it from the pole, and so the example,
I want to just kind of give you the imagery that when we walk in forgiveness,
when we choose forgiveness, it breaks the tether.
So the ball is us in this example, you all,
and God is wanting to come in and he's wanting to break the tether,
but we have to choose to follow him.
Unforgiveness, when we choose unforgiveness, we choose to say, no, I can't.
It's too hard. They've done too much. It's unforgivable.
What we are choosing to do, whether we realize it or not, you all, this is the truth.
I know this is a hard reality, but I try to make it real plain.
So everybody knows what it really looks like.
If we don't walk in forgiveness, you all,
we are actually binding ourself to that person and to that trauma.
We're actually like making ourselves stuck to them, whether we want to or not.
When we forgive though, it's releasing others.
It's not saying what they did is okay.
It's just saying I choose to forgive and release you.
And then what happens is then we are also released.
That tether is broken and we're no longer connected and tied to them anymore.
That is truth.
Closure will also come from forgiveness.
A lot of you all, you're wanting that person to come and apologize to you.
I understand it. I've lived it, man.
I wanted my brothers to apologize and I begged for it.
I'm begged for it. And then the day it finally came, guess what you all.
It did not feel like it even mattered because I didn't even believe him.
And that's how it goes a lot of the time.
So you all know when I got the most freedom in my life, even from the girls,
my spiritual daughter's dad,
I got to the point where I was just like, though,
at the end time he had lied so many times I was really glad.
And he cried and I was like, just stop, just, just stop.
Because you know what? I didn't even need that.
All I needed to do was to walk into what I knew God was telling me to do,
break that, that stinking relationship up and off of me.
And I needed to walk into the freedom that God had for me.
I needed to walk into the freedom that God had for me to walk into for years.
And when I broke that tether and I just told the Lord, like,
I don't need anything from him.
I just want you.
I just want what you have for me, God.
And I believe God that you'll take care of all of that.
Because God, you have my back.
Don't think for a second.
I don't want something bad to happen to that guy.
But I know daddy loves this girl.
And daddy is looking out for me a lot.
And I know that what he will do is take care of all of those situations.
He will, and he'll take care of you too.
Brokenness in us is what causes us to see men differently.
So this is where I'm going now.
It causes us to see men differently.
It causes us to interact with men differently.
And it actually impacts our ability to connect with men.
Y'all the same thing applies for women.
Same thing applies for people in authority.
People in churches. If you've been hurt by people in a church.
All this stuff I'm saying about men applies to all those people in
situations as well, but I'm talking specifically about men tonight.
Because God told me we need to go here.
Forgiveness is not a feeling. It is a choice.
And I want to ask you tonight.
Ephesians four 23 says, forgive one another.
Just as God forgave you.
Because of what Christ has done.
Colossians three 13 says, remember the Lord forgave you.
So you must also forgive others earlier tonight.
Before the pressure was on. I asked everybody.
Who has sinned and made a mistake. And I think unanimous.
It looked like everybody raised their hand.
And I'm going to ask you tonight.
I want you to remember that, to know that Jesus Christ went to the cross for you, and for me, and for the person he's asking you to forgive.
And just like the book will tell you, some of you feel like there's just no way I can do this. And I want to encourage you to ask God to give you the strength and to help you.
He will.
He will meet you in the midst of that struggle to forgive.
Here is a couple things on the cycle of bitterness also from the book. These are some things that are going to show up in your life. If you live in a cycle of bitterness.
Holding a grudge, nurturing anger, harboring resentment, and cultivating bitterness.
Proverbs 14 verse 30 in the message version says this, a sound mind makes for a robust body, but runaway emotions corrode the bones.
I believe God wants us to be in health and wholeness in every area of our body, including our mind, our spirit, our soul, our emotions, our finances, you all.
That's not our body, but I just, I believe that as well. He wants us completely whole, lacking no good thing.
And he wants that for every single one of you, including myself.
You all know so many times we will say, you know, if I forgive, it's like, I'm forgetting, like I'm saying what they did is okay. And that's not true.
It's never going to be true. You are never saying when you forgive someone that what they did is okay. People make really unhealthy choices.
And so I just want to encourage you to continue to seek God for your, your, um, uh, sanction as the word that's coming to me, sanctuary, like that safe place.
And I'm going to read something over you. I want you to get prepared to go into breakout session. Your question for this next breakout is what man do you need to forgive tonight and why?
And when you share the, why y'all, you don't have to share all the glory, like all the gory details. Okay.
I'm just saying in general, anytime we share, just know that you can just share the general sense of the why without having to share all the details.
Because sometimes too, we can go too far into a story. I've caught myself even still to this day. Sometimes I catch myself when I'm telling stories about that guy I'm talking about.
And I can start to feel that icky feeling. And then I know, okay, I've gone too far.
Got to back up because God doesn't need me to go into that because he's given me a new life and he's helping me break free from all that. Okay.
I am going to read the forgiveness prayer over you.
Um, before you go into breakout.
Yeah, I just wanna make sure I have the right one. I want to read. Okay, cool.
Yeah, this is the one I'm going with. All right. So if you'll just close your eyes with me for me, as I read this over you, I just want to prepare your hearts.
Father God, thank you for giving me a heart that's willing to forgive.
I choose to obey your word and release those who, who have hurt me and owe me debts.
I ask you to show me the areas where I have not forgiven myself, others, or even you.
Let them surface fully so that I can release them to you and be free in those areas to have an abundant life.
Holy spirit come and plow every place in my heart that is barren right now because of hurt, shame, pain, anger, or bitterness so that I can grow your fruit of peace, joy, and love in my life.
Amen. Amen.
All right, y'all.
I know tonight, I feel like I've been saying this last few weeks, it's tough a little bit tonight.
God's doing some, some deep work I'm confident of that.
I want to encourage you all to share again I'm giving you eight minutes this time.
Short, brief and powerful go ahead and click to join those rooms.
All right, make sure I got everybody.
We're just thank you so much for everything that you're doing.
We thank you, Lord, for healing. We thank you for redemption and
the areas where we have felt like there is no way that any
good can come from this area in our lives. We thank you that
you're bringing truth that you're bringing life that you're
bringing healing and restoration. We thank you, Lord,
that you are restoring us from the foundations of the world
that you're giving us a new story. We thank you that even as
Romans 828 says, and we know that God causes everything to
work together for the good of those who love God and who are
called according to his purpose. And even as Genesis 5020 says
that God will use these situations in our lives, not
just for us, but to save many people alive. We thank you, God,
for the testimonies that are going to come from the healing
things that are being released tonight. We thank you that you
God did not intend this harm to come on our lives and to come
into our homes, our families. But God, we thank you that what
the enemy intended for evil God that you're going to turn it
around for good again, not to save just us, but to save many
people alive. We thank you for redemption stories and
reconciliation and healing that is being released tonight. We
declare your glory and your favor to be upon the hearts,
the minds, the bodies, the spirits, and the souls that are
here tonight, as well as those that are watching the replay
that they are going to receive the fullness of all that you
have for them, that no weapon formed against them will
prosper or will ever prosper as they hide in you. We thank you
that you're also helping them to come out of hiding, that they
can come into a safe place with you, God, that even at times
where the enemy has told them they couldn't trust you, God, I
thank you that you're helping them even right now to know that
they can trust you, that you are good. I thank you that James
1, 2-4 says, My fellow believers, when it seems as
though you are facing nothing but difficulties, see it as an
invaluable opportunity to experience the greatest joy that
you can. For you know that when your faith is tested, it stirs
up power within you to endure all things. And then as your
endurance grows even stronger, it will release perfection into
every part of your being until there is nothing missing and
nothing lacking. I thank you, Lord, that even in this, this is
a great reminder, ladies, Ephesians 4, 26 and 27. And this
kind of goes back to what we were talking about earlier about
our emotions, like, we want to feel the feels so God can heal
the feels, but we don't want to allow our emotions to rule us
and reign over us. Here's a good reminder. Again, Ephesians
4, 26-27 in the Passion Translation, it says, But don't
let the passion of your emotions lead you to sin. Don't let anger
control you or be fuel for revenge, not even for one day.
Don't give the slanderous accuser, the devil, an
opportunity to manipulate you. So Lord, we just thank you that,
yes, Lord, that we will catch the devil quickly and all of his
deceitful lies, and we'll cast those down and believe rather
what the Word of God says about us as well as other people. We
thank you, God, that even in these situations that we are
talking about tonight, that we are thinking about the areas
where we need to forgive people, forgive men, where we need to
come into the fullness of your plan and purpose for our lives,
that you would help us to see even those who have harmed us
through your eyes. It doesn't mean we have to allow them back
into our lives to come close. Some of them, you might ask us
to love them and extend an olive branch. But Lord, that comes
through great discernment. But Lord, I thank you that you would
show us and give us wisdom to know those situations and
navigate them really well. We thank you that you would help us
to not label people and use our words to harm or hurt another.
We thank you, God, that every person has been made in your
image. So Lord, I thank you again that you give us your eyes
to see and your ears to hear what your spirit is saying. We
thank you that we will not partner with the enemy in
declaring negative things over the lives of other people as
well as over ourselves. Yes, Lord, thank you for that
reminder. Thank you even right now that some of you watching
this replay and even some in the rooms and breakout, God is
saying it's time to forgive yourself. It's time to release
yourself from all the guilt and shame and condemnation that the
enemy has had you living under that has literally hindered you
from being able to move forward. You've told yourself and
believe the lie that the enemy has been feeding you that you're
not good enough and you'll never be good enough, that you'll
never get cleaned up enough. And that is not the truth for your
life. God has a different story for you.
And I encourage you to align with the truth
that God has good plans for you,
plans to prosper you, to give you a hope and a future.
He does not have a plan for harm
or destruction for your life.
Psalm 139, 13 through 16 says this,
you made all the delicate inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother's womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex.
Your workmanship is marvelous.
How well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion.
As I was woven together in the dark of the womb,
you saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.
I thank you, God, that you care about us so much,
that you recorded every day of our life in your book.
And I thank you, God,
that you would just continue to help us
to hear what your spirit is saying.
And I thank you that you would help us
to partner with you in the truth.
Matthew 5, 14 through 16 in the message version says this,
I'm putting you on a light stand.
Now that I've put you there on a hilltop on a light stand,
shine, keep open house, be generous with your lives.
By opening up to others,
you'll prompt people to open up with God,
this generous father in heaven.
God, I thank you that as you're continuing to heal us
and transform us,
that you're gonna help other people to see your glory
shining in us, through us, all around us.
God, that you would draw people to yourself through us.
I thank you that you would just continue to,
yes, Lord, wash over every broken area.
I thank you that you would place the balm of Gilead
upon the brokenness, upon the trauma,
that Jesus, you would reveal to your daughters
where you were at their deepest point of pain
and show them the truth.
Show them that you were fighting for them.
Show them that you were interceding for them.
Show them that you were speaking truth over them,
even in that situation.
And I thank you that you would comfort them
in those moments and you would help them to hear your truth.
God, I thank you that as a good father,
that you are warring on their behalf.
You've sent angels to war on their behalf, even right now.
And you sent your son, Jesus,
to make a way for us to be one with you
so that we could be in relationship with you
because you never wanted us to be alone.
And abandonment is not our lot, ladies.
That isn't what God had planned for us.
And that is also a lie from the enemy.
God is the restorer of family.
He says in Psalm 68, six,
that he would place the solitary in families.
And you all know that he declares
that ministry to orphans and widows
is his most important goal for us,
that we should always care
about the ministry to orphans and widows.
So how could we think for a second
that if we feel alone,
that he would not be able to come to our aid or willing?
So Lord, we just thank you that you would help us
to see all the ways that you are fighting on our behalf,
even right now, that we would just hear your truth,
that we would align with your truth.
I thank you, Lord,
that you would help us to just receive your grace,
your goodness, your healing virtue from heaven,
that it would just flow over us even right now.
I thank you that Psalm 139, 14 says,
I will give thanks and praise to you
for I'm fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works and my soul knows it very well.
So Lord, I just thank you that we can trust ourselves,
we can trust the body that you gave us
because it's fearfully and wonderfully made.
And Lord, let that be true more and more
for each one of us every single day.
Welcome back, everyone.
I think we have everyone.
Do we have one more room?
Okay, everyone's here, awesome.
Hello.
Okay, so who is willing to share with the whole group?
I can take two people.
That's it tonight.
That's it for this last one, okay?
Because I still wanna coach on the other couple ladies.
All right, Jessica, awesome.
Go ahead.
Hi, so I said the person I was going to forgive
and why was my dad.
And he's actually, we're all human
and he's like really was a great dad
in my memories from most of my childhood and high school.
And it was actually like after I moved out of home
when I was in college
that he went through a pretty major trauma event
and has like really withdrawn from my family.
Even like physically taking a job
that now he travels all the time
instead of it being with my family.
Seeing him kind of like not be there for my mom
and siblings still in the home
has been really difficult for me.
And I'm kind of, he's still in that part of his life.
So it's really like, that's something I like,
want to forgive him for.
It's kind of ongoing at the same time.
So yeah, that's where I'm at.
Thank you for sharing that.
We'll be praying.
What is your dad's name?
Paul.
We'll be praying for Paul.
I believe God wants to heal
whatever that trauma touched on.
As you're praying for him, Jessica,
I just want to give you some insight.
And y'all, this is how, when we choose to forgive,
it also can give us revelation and insight.
So while the situation that happened
is what caused the current situation,
I believe sincerely that it kind of pressure point.
It hit on something else
that already was underneath the surface in your dad
that he doesn't know how to deal with.
So as you're praying for him,
I would encourage you to pray.
And I seriously believe this is from the Holy Spirit.
Just pray for your dad as a young boy.
I feel like there's something that he went through
that he maybe has never even told people.
And so he doesn't, I just keep feeling like
he doesn't know how to face the whole situation.
So it's not just this current thing.
It's the stuff back here.
And so just continue to intercede for him.
I believe God, even in right now,
as you're talking about forgiving him,
is working in that situation in his heart.
And I think that, and I'm not just saying this,
I believe I'm supposed to say,
I think there's a turnaround.
I think there's a turnaround spirit
that's working in his life.
And he wants to come home.
It's not like he's left permanently,
but I'm just sensing like there's this,
he wants to, he just doesn't know how to get there yet,
but God knows how to get him there.
Does that make sense?
Yeah.
And this is where,
I don't know if y'all heard this session
a couple of weeks ago where Jackie talked
about the importance of us interceding for our families.
And this is another example.
Like her dad, he may, you know, he's your dad.
And yes, we want our parents to defend and protect us,
but there's times God is going to use us
to intercede for our parents
for things that they don't even know that they need, right?
We're gaining revelation and insight here
that's going to be really valuable
to those that are in our lives.
Thank you for sharing with us, Jessica.
Kaitlyn, go ahead.
Yeah, hi everyone.
Mine is also about my dad.
Not sure exactly what I need to forgive.
It's complex.
He was an alcoholic and a drug addict
and he passed three years ago.
But I think the main thing coming up is,
I guess I have just like anger
that he like didn't choose like us in life,
that like we weren't enough.
Even though I know like his struggles and like why he used,
still like, I feel like I need to forgive in that area.
Yeah, so thank you for sharing.
I resonate so much with what you shared.
My dad still, he's alive right now, but he's not doing well.
And my dad has never really been able to be a dad
and it is heartbreaking, right?
So I just sympathize with you
and I'm so sorry for your loss as well.
As you were talking about the anger part,
I just wanna encourage you to forgive yourself
for even feeling angry.
I think so often the enemy tries to cause us
to feel shame for the feelings that we have.
And I really just sense that a lot with you
when you're talking about it.
But also I just am curious,
this just keeps coming up.
So I'm just gonna ask you,
is there any guilt that you took on yourself
regarding your dad?
Yeah.
Okay, can you describe?
Yeah, okay, just describe the part
that's coming to mind the most right now,
specifically something that you felt guilty
about regarding your dad.
The last time I saw him,
I actually was setting a boundary and was very firm
and like not nice.
And I was always kind of respected my dad
and didn't really say those kinds of things.
And so I saw in his face like how much it hurt him.
And I also have just a lot of guilt for,
just not being able to save him, you know, since a child, like
trying to keep him alive. Um, and different ways I blame
myself for like him getting worse, or, um, like, he got
really bad when I went to college, and I like blame
myself for it.
Okay, so this is why I needed to ask you, okay? It's okay for
you to live. It's okay for you to live. And I feel like it's
super important, ladies, so many times, um, when we grow up in
any kind of home where there's any kind of addiction to
anything, um, or, you know, someone's just unavailable, even
mental health issue. I mean, there's so many things, we can
feel guilty for living. And going like you're saying going
to college like that is a normal decision that a young woman or
man makes at that point in their life. And so the enemy is trying
to cause you to literally feel bad for living. So I want to
encourage you just to kind of spend some time and really think
about okay, I want to want to flip this for a sec. I want you
to think about the ways that you want to live in the days ahead.
And not receive any guilt from the enemy for doing so. Okay, so
that's one thing. And the other thing I really, the reason I
asked you was a because the Holy Spirit just kept saying she
doesn't forgive herself. And I'm like, for what? And here it is,
you said something that you feel bad for. But that isn't what
caused your dad to do what he did. Okay. So I encourage you to
use the forgiveness prayer sheet. You're going to, you
know, use that with your dad, you've mentioned you need to
forgive him. But I also feel like a huge part of why this
came up tonight is because God wants you to forgive yourself.
Not because your dad this stuff happened to him because of what
you did. But he want God is saying, I want you to forgive
yourself because the thing that you said to him is not what led
him down that path. And everyone makes mistakes, and it's time
for you to release yourself. Okay. Y'all we talked we
covered some good ground tonight. I don't want to forget
my three ladies. I'm going to do this real quick, but it's super
important. Christina, Emily, Becca, is that I think I talked
about Monique's a little bit. I think if not, I'll say something
on that too. Um, so the Christina was saying that she
sometimes struggles and anytime the little girl and her starts
to want to voice something, she's like, shut up, be quiet.
Okay, so my question to anyone that has that kind of stuff
happening is, you know, did that happen a lot when you tried to
use your voice as a kid? Did people tell you to shut up and
be quiet a lot when you were a kid? I know that sounds so
simple. But so many people never think about that. Because this
kind of stuff doesn't just come up in us out of nowhere. This is
stuff we've learned, we've heard, or we've seen, somehow
we've experienced it. And if we haven't, okay, here's the other
the other piece here, ladies, is that if it wasn't us that
experienced it, then someone in our family has most likely,
okay, things can travel down in generations. Okay. So if it's
not you asked the Lord to show you was someone like your
mother, grandmother, dad, whatever, did they experience
those things? Okay. On now, let's see, Emily said hatred
towards men can't trust my own, excuse me, can't trust men, I
can't read my own writing, men with with your emotions. So I
want to encourage you. And I want you to start writing
opposite statements, Emily. I want you to start writing
statements about a that you can trust God with your emotions.
And that God will enable you to trust healthy men with your
emotions. Because here's the thing, ladies, we don't want to
just trust everybody. Because some people are unhealthy.
Right? That's what I used to do, though. I used to trust
everybody. That got me into not good situations. So you want to
trust healthy people. So make sure your statement aligns with
that. And I believe just in the hatred towards men, y'all, I'm
always going to go for the who was the man in your life that
you felt hatred for? First, where did the hatred towards men
begin in your life? And you all I'm going to say this to you, I
already touched on this. But if your mom or someone in your
life that was a big influence, hated men and spoke about that
a lot.
You know, that gets ingrained in our minds and our spirits.
Words that we hear just y'all ever go and you're just, you know, kind of going about
your day and then you just start singing a song.
Has anybody ever had that happen?
Happens to me all the time.
And sometimes I'm like, where did that song come from?
Oh, yeah, that's right.
It came up out of my spirit because I sing it.
The same thing happens with yucky garbage stuff too, doesn't it?
We just don't catch it as quick.
So let's catch the garbage.
Where's that stuff coming from?
Okay, Becca, why do I need to self solve every situation, man, that stood out to me when
you said that.
Because somewhere along the way, someone didn't solve a situation for you.
Someone didn't come to your aid.
They didn't fight for you.
They didn't war on your behalf.
I mean, it could be any of those kind of things.
And because somewhere along the way, someone didn't in your mind fight for you the way
that you thought that they should have.
And maybe they should have, right?
Okay, sometimes it's real, like our parents, or other people that were supposed to protect
us didn't or neglected us.
But sometimes it's also the way we perceive a situation, okay?
When we're little, we can't fully comprehend every situation we're going through.
And again, it doesn't mean you saw the situation wrong.
I'm just saying sometimes we do, as kids only remember certain things, because we can't
process it all.
All right, so that was the first thing I had for you.
And then Becca, the other thing, when you said need to take care of myself by myself,
kind of linked to that same first one, all of it stood out to me.
But those two things, those are very similar threads.
So when, okay, two things, when the need or the feeling in you arises, I need to take
care of myself by myself, I want you to like be prepared.
So like, just pray and find some scriptures, but just declarations like, it could be something
as simple as, you know, devil, I'm not going to rely on just myself, I'm going to reach
out and ask people for help.
It literally and we don't want to talk to the devil y'all too much, but it's just this
positive declaration, I'm aligning with God's purposes and plans for my life.
And that includes community, which includes people helping me to see the difference there.
So just be careful on how you declare it.
But the other thing is, is that your assignment for the next few weeks is to ask God, who
you are supposed to have help you in with what, and then start asking him, you're going
to start activating, opening yourself up to allowing people to help you and war against
that old lie and tape that's been playing in your mind and your spirit.
Okay.
These are real like things you guys can, any lady, any of y'all can put into practice if
that's something you struggle with.
Okay.
All right.
We're going to close up tonight.
I've been so bad the last few weeks.
We're over time again.
We've had a good night.
I hope you all are experiencing some truth and some revelation.
Father, thank you.
Thank you for being so good to us and for loving us or never leaving us for never forsaking
us.
God, I thank you that you would man, so many vulnerable stories shared tonight, Lord, and
a lot of tender hearts, rawness can feel really hard to hear these difficult stories.
So what I just pray that you would just come in and comfort your daughters tonight.
And I just pray that you would help them as they're laying down, even at to sleep, that
you would help them to have sale arrest, that they would experience the peace of God, like
never before.
God, you are the God of peace.
And we just ask you to usher peace into this place right now and to every home, every room,
every person that represents these places, Lord, that we would be marked by your peace.
And I thank you that your peace that passes all understanding guards, our hearts and our
minds through Christ Jesus.
And I thank you that, that our minds, our bodies, our spirits, and our souls are protected
by you.
God, that we right now are being hid under the shadow of your wings and in the presence
of the almighty, that we don't have to fear or be afraid of anything that is to come because
you God are warring on our behalf.
Even right now, I thank you for your hedge of protection around us and our families.
I thank you, God.
Yes, Lord.
I thank you for the, the spirit of breakthrough.
I thank you for the spirit of liberty and freedom being released into every one of these
ladies' lives tonight and in the days ahead more and more and more in Jesus name.
Amen.
Y'all, he's fighting for you.
I love it.
God's doing so much good stuff.
I hope you hear him in a fresh way.
We love you.
And we'll see you all in the group.
Okay.