Hey David, what's going on?
Oh, I'm in my car, I'm downtown Austin, pulled over on the side of the street, not because
I'm getting pulled over, I am pulled over at my own will, and I am doing a very famous
and very common husband thing, can you all guess what I'm doing?
Honey do's?
Honey do list?
No, no honey do's, no, no, no, it's called honey wait, oh no, she's waiting on my wife.
Well, you got a big shindig this, is it because...
So this week's crazy guys, so this is, you know in college it's like the week of final
exams and all that, they call it hell week, this is akin to a situation like that, although
I'm not going to refer to it as hell week because it is a glorious celebration of marriage
and uniting of vows, so it is a very familial, you know, all good thing.
So anyway, but it does feel like there's a lot going on in terms of task lists and
things and parties and events to try to execute, so it's all about execute, execute, execute
this week, so this is what I'm doing right now, and then you find yourself in situations
where it's like I've got a lot of things to do, but yet I'm sitting here in a car waiting
because I should have a different hat on, I should have a chauffeur's hat on, I do this
a lot where I'm driving around, dropping off and then I wait, come on, pick us up, and
it's like, it's always this thing, no, don't worry about it, dad will do it, dad will come,
dad will drive us, dad will go get things, dad will go do that, and so yeah, that's what
I'm doing.
So how are you guys?
How are you guys doing?
Doing good, yeah, just been a crazy, you know, it's a crazy week, not quite crazy as yours,
but you know, working in R&D, it's kind of that way, and I'm in the middle of a transition,
so but yeah, well it's good that you, I'm glad that you're stepping up as a dad, not
many would, not many do.
Oh yeah, so no, I don't want to, I don't want to, I'm just trying to honor you, I'm
trying to honor you, I'm not appreciative, great job, yeah, no, I get, I actually have
the honor of officiating the wedding, so my daughter, and that's kind of cool because
this is my bonus daughter, and I don't really refer to her that way anymore, I mean, I really
never have, but I mean, so technically she's my bonus daughter, but you know, we spent
so many years ago, I met Jackie 18 years ago, when this little daughter was 5, 6 years old,
I think she was turning 6, so I met her then, at that point in her life, and we spent the
next 10 years or so from that period of time, really just blending our family a lot, that's
most of, mostly what we did, and we were doing ministry, and all kinds of other type of,
still what we would consider kind of like vocational, traditional sort of like type
of ministry, that we were doing in our lives at the time, and we really wanted to transition,
we wanted transformation, we were, you know, we longed for a different way to do things,
but we didn't quite know what that looked like, and what that meant, so we just spent
the time really blending our family, and I think that's really what God had us doing
during that time, and in doing so, we really became very, very close-knit, to the point
where like, you know, we can't really tell the difference between whose children, and
that kind of thing, so it was just really cool, and I've come really close to my bonus
daughter, and so my little nugget, she's getting married, and it's going to be really awesome,
I get to officiate, while her bio father, and Jackie get to walk her down the aisle,
so we all get to participate, it's kind of cool, and she doesn't have the greatest relationship
with bio dad, bio dad's not it.
terrible individual. I mean, he, he said, you know, he's a
Christian, and he's a good man. He just relationally very
challenged, just to put it that way. And so that's where it can
create some some difficulty and some, and some possibly
conflict in terms of just doing things like this. These are big
things, you know, marriages and funerals. And that's usually
where families like either come together or you know, who knows
what could happen type thing. So we're just praying for the best
in this situation. And so it's gonna be good. So I'm glad to
see you guys on here. Who else do we have on here? Just the
six of us. We got somebody else. Other people trying to see you
the chat here. Let me see if I can get my phone.
Yeah, it's just six. Yeah.
Yeah, I just texted Paul Brandt looks like he's gonna join us
text him the link.
Oh, cool. Thanks for doing that. Appreciate it.
Alright, I'm gonna kind of I'm gonna keep this like upright
because I think it would be better for me to see the if, if
I need to admit anybody or anything. So tonight, guys, um,
want to just, again, open up discussion. We had some pretty
good discussion last week. Carlos was going through some
things. And that was really great. Really glad you shared
with Carlos on that. Like the breakthrough. Carlos was having
a major breakthrough last week. Carlos, you have an update for
us like in 60 seconds or less, as far as difference between
last week and this week.
Um, yeah, you know, I so I had another kind of, I want to call
him an episode. I had another episode earlier last week. But
you know, kind of overall feeling good. Feeling more at
ease and kind of processing a lot. And a lot of really cool
like these.
You feel what?
I said also having a lot of really cool dreams. A lot of
Yeah, a lot of good like relational dreams of
when you use the word episode.
Are you? That's not a negative connotation for you. Is it
sometimes the word recently episode probably sounds negative,
but maybe it's not.
No, it's just a way to describe something that is abnormal for
me, you know, so
unusual. Got it. Because I would venture to say that what you're
going through is definitely normal for the hard work
process. And also very transformative. So if you want
to, I just don't want you to characterize it as negative. But
if that's if that's just a word that you're using, as far as
this is not normal for me, I get it. That's cool.
Yeah, that was the first thing that came to mind. So I got it.
So yeah, everything's been good. Like I said, this week, just
I mean, the last few days have been pretty, pretty good,
normal. This morning, I was up at 6am. Jump jumping into week
four. So going through my readings, and it was really
cool. The Lord was definitely talking, there was a theme of
forgiveness. Obviously, I started off at reading that at
6am. You know, later on the day, the Lord was just talking to me
about forgiveness about having other people kind of talk to me
about forgiveness just randomly. So there was a common theme
there. And so I just kind of walked out with the Lord. But
yeah, so everything's great.
Awesome. Sounds good. Well, I appreciate like I said, you
know, sharing and being open and just with what God's doing in
your life. And so sounds like sounds like getting some
breakthrough. Guys, we've had some we've got some feedback,
you know, in not only in the community, but there's there's
been some recent activity around this sort of idea in the the
women's community. And even just some local, local individuals
that we know, like, that aren't necessarily part of our program,
but that are that are that are just, you know, people that we
know, in like, extended friends or friend groups and that kind
of thing. And that is like, preparing for marriage out of
and through singlehood. But really coming up against, like,
unreadiness.
Um, like obstacles, obstacles that may or may not be like realized, and just getting
in the way, like, like, um, opportunities they're seeing things, um, but, you know,
not finding, I don't know if it's, I don't want to put words into this, but I think like
just not finding the ability to make the step or make the, make the headway into, um, into
the, into the next step, I guess is what I could say, you know, and, um, so I want to
open that up as a question tonight to you, um, you all are single looking for relationship,
looking for, um, your marriage minded, let's put it that way.
And so want to first answer the simple question of just, what do you think is in your way
at this moment?
And at this time, um, what do you think is stopping you or holding you back?
Like very simply, like in one or two words, you know, what is the thing?
And it may be, um, again, I don't want to put words in your mouth, so I don't want to,
I don't want to seed this with ideas.
I just want to sort of open that up and then maybe responding to a little bit of that with
a little bit more deeper, like, why is that?
Or why, you know, what's your situation, that kind of thing.
So, um, there was something in the chat though, first of all, Mike, uh,
My bad.
I did.
I'm so tired.
I had an allergy shot and I meant to send that strictly to you and I didn't mean the
main group.
Um,
Oh, maybe, maybe you did though.
Oh no, I didn't.
I screwed up.
But, uh, just to the point of, I think what you're asking is, is what is keeping us from
moving forward in relationship?
Is that, would that sum up what you were kind of saying?
Yeah.
I mean, for me it's opportunity, um, but, um, but in the midst of it, like I'm at, like
I'm in a transit, you know, I seem to go from a transition to transition, like, you know,
I'm going to come in a completely different transition point, um, as of August and the
Lord's calling me into something different, but, um,
Transition, um, in terms of like career ministry,
Um, like getting more, I've been discipling people for so long for decades, right.
And in a couple of weeks, a couple of weeks, like three weeks ago or two weeks ago, um,
the Lord's like, I, you need to get discipled to go deeper in what, what you're called to
do.
And it's not the easiest thing to get somebody to walk alongside you in it.
What I need.
So, uh, but next week there's a conference that I'm going to in Reading and I'm hoping
that the Lord does things.
But as far as, as far as ladies, it's like, you know, um, seems to me like I've made a
lot of attempts.
I'm just not finding one that aligned right.
Um, with kids and otherwise, so I don't know if other, other guys had the same problem.
Mine's opportunity.
I can't, um, at this juncture, I can't do long distance, so it's gotta be local ish.
Right.
So, but I'm, I mean, I, um, I know, I know Chris and Rob, I know you guys fairly well
in Joshua.
You guys are all really great guys.
I mean, whoever you get, whoever gets to marry you guys will be blessed.
So anyways.
Yeah.
Okay.
Anybody else?
We can come back to, um, everyone's thing, but I just kind of want to get a, a broad
response already.
I'll, I'll, I'll add, I'll into one word, I'll say uncertainty.
And I, uh, I also have, um, uh, I don't even know if you can't, I don't even know if it
qualifies as a level right now.
But I'm in a conversation with somebody long distance and, uh, I have no idea if I want
to move or not.
Um, and some days I'm like, it sounds super exciting and some days it sounds terrifying.
So just being transparent, um, certainly would love to share more if the, if there's time
tonight.
Okay.
Yeah.
Um, let's just go around the room.
I just want to make sure everybody has a chance to sort of like share, um, Chris, Josh, Carlos,
if you want to just, um, respond to that.
I am, uh, so two sentences, first sentence is I'm finishing a season in work in a house
remodel project.
And kind of realigning my heart in some areas.
So, I'm finishing a season. The 2nd thing is.
I'm backing out. I am.
I still, yeah, so finishing a season.
I, I, I've decided I can't really date long distance.
And, you know, there are still some things that I'm questioning from the past.
Okay, the past as well, but season wise.
Is what you're looking at right now? Okay, Josh and Carlos.
I'm just going to jump on there real quick. So, for me, it's just a matter of Jackie told me to just kind of set some time aside.
For the hard work, so I kind of, so I kind of just, you know, and then.
Obviously, what is going to look like afterwards? I'm still processing and leaning in with the Lord, but, you know, there might be.
So, some potential with kind of where I'm at moving forward, so I'm not really in the zone as far as, like, hey, I want to I'm open to dating and going. It's really just been focusing on my hard work right now.
Okay, yeah, doing some, some personal growth.
Right now, which is short term very, very seasonal as well.
Josh.
Hey, that was the question the question is, is what is keeping you.
From either pursuing or just being in relationship.
From a marriage minded standpoint.
Oh, a bunch of things.
From finances to concern about mismatching ideologies to concerns around chemistry and compatibility age gaps, whether they have children or not.
My age, you know, I'm fighting through some, you know, against some health issues and working through some debt and past exposure to liberal.
Women makes me a bit more afraid of even considering anyone in America, but on the other hand, long distance, looking at Eastern side of the world isn't going to isn't any easier or different. It's got its own challenges.
And then first Caribbean 727 also discourages me on that front or not discourages me like self esteem hit but more in the second half of that verse Paul is basically advising that to men who are released from their wife to not look for another person, not saying it like you're not disallowed from, you know, getting into another relationship, but basically
The way that I took it was, I can no longer, I should not be an initiator or a hunter or anything like that. So I really just draws the attention back to I just need to be content being single and focus on God. I got deep into that in thought the other day.
I won't go into detail about it, but I think there's some good spiritual wisdom behind Paul's advice in that
Let me, let me ask, let me ask everybody this question.
Like with a with a strong, strong affirmation.
Everybody on this call.
Soon, the other guys that show up. I would ask them the same question. I'm curious if on their on their the answer to this is
Being married.
And in Kingdom partnership.
Relationship.
The, you know, starting a family.
Continuing into family, you know, if you want to look at it that way.
Establishing yourself as such is that
Prime objective of your life at this point.
I'm gonna say no.
Yes, like yes or no.
It's not
Josh, you said no, no, no.
Been there, you know, the shine.
Already rubbed off. It's a challenge. And I am for it. And I'm really motivated when I see what's going on in politics that yes, I want it. I still want to get married. Because if it's the only thing I can
Want to get married and prime objective two different things.
I'm just, I'm just asking, because I'm just curious.
Ah, okay. Yeah, no, is the answer.
Okay.
Other guys not wrong affirmation for or against prime objective.
No, on the prime objective, but it's a second check. It's number two.
Okay.
I would say, yeah, it would be my, it would be my primary right now.
Chris, I, I said this to Jackie and, and, uh, like a follow up. I, I have never, I really can't think of serious situations where I have not taken an opportunity and missed an opportunity. I seem to consistently get ahead of God.
And so I, I, I really appreciate the dormant mindset, because for some reason, in my family, it always seems to be that if you get ahead of God, you get a mess and you have to wait for God to open doors. So yes, like that is the, that is what is next in my life. In the last relationship that was open to me.
My heart wasn't super like connected. And I was not ready to dump everything and move.
Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
If I was desperate to get married, I could be on that path right now. Did I make a mistake?
You know, I, I told her anyway. Yeah.
Yeah. No, I mean,
it is a priority, but like, but life is a journey. So I appreciate the question.
Yeah. Okay.
So that's a yes or a no.
I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna like, I'm not desperate to be married. If that's the, if that's the question.
No, yeah, that's the thing. That's the thing. It's not really a desperation question.
If there is, if you have a prime objective, a prime objective to me is not a desperate situation.
I mean, it could be if you're in an emergency situation, I guess, like if you're stranded on an island and you're like, I'm desperate.
And my prime objective is to get to safety or like food or shelter, like, like very, very desperate.
And my prime objective is to get to safety or like food or shelter, like, like basic, like, you know, needs survival.
But in terms of just like not surviving, other than that, it's not a desperation.
It's just a question of like, what is your first and foremost prime objective right now in your life?
Is it marriage?
For all the right reasons, not just for like, oh, I just want to be with somebody, I'm lonely, whatever.
Like, I understand what marriage would bring to my life. And I'm looking for the right person.
And I am just I am ready, willing and able. I've done all the preparation, or there's a few things I'm doing right now that are preparation for like, what is the mindset?
Is that is that your mindset? Like yes or no?
Yes. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. More than one prime objective. Just to be clear.
Yeah, I guess. Yeah.
So then it so then it would be a yes.
The facilitating of this conversation is, is not really meant to like, get either the right answer or like follow sort of the list of rules.
I'm really just trying to get at that sort of like, what if marriage is not the prime objective, then what is, you know, because there's usually one main there's, I think, I think it's very obvious that in personal development, all the all the different disciplines
really prove to us that there really only is one thing that we can really like focus in at a time, like the ability to what do they call it? multitask? It's not actually really multitask. It's just you going back and forth between one thing really, really fast.
You know what I'm saying?
And so it's kind of like, so just broaden that to the 30,000 foot view, which is kind
of like the broader sort of like, what is what am I doing?
Like really broadly with my life right now.
This is what I'm doing.
I am pursuing this, you know?
Like if you were younger, and you were in college, and you're going to college in order
to pursue a career because college led to the career, because you needed that, you
know, certification or whatever.
And you're doing that.
But at the same time, you're also doing some developmental things.
The overall prime objective is, I'm going after my career because I'm in college right
now.
So I'm preparing for this career that I expect to have after college.
You know, it doesn't mean you don't do anything else.
So you understand the logic of the question, I guess, is what I'm trying to say.
Yeah, I'll put all complicated.
When I was in grad school, I think I actually stayed because of the church I was part of.
So it's interesting.
I was in grad school because of the church.
I think that was part of why God had me there.
God directed me to stay.
And I think that was part of why he had me stay there.
So it was like, like, yes, there was a massive part of my life that was devoted to like preparation
for a future career.
But like, there was also like this, this like very important part that was part of my personal
development.
Let me ask you this.
So God had you stay in grad school so that you get get personally developed at a church?
Or he had you?
He so wanted you in church as part of whatever that community was and whatever you're doing
there.
And oh, by the way, you stayed in grad school.
Which would be it?
I think it was it was both.
They were they were both very significant.
And I can I can see that.
I mean, I understand.
Yeah.
I can.
So I guess I you know, I yeah, I and so yeah, there's nothing it's not like I'm in school.
I mean, but it's like I do I do work.
You know, not a nine to five job like I don't I'm not paid by the hour.
Yeah, no, you definitely have a career oriented like profession.
You know, you are a professional, elite professional in what you do.
And I got it.
I understand.
Yeah.
And I got into, you know, some other projects that I just need to finish up.
But I really I feel the challenge, David.
And I really appreciate it.
And I'm grappling with it.
You know, I have been grappling with it.
Rob.
Yes or no?
Yes.
And I'm ready.
And I think I'll be a great husband.
Thank you, Mike.
Anthony.
Quoting Mike.
Anthony.
Ah, that's awesome.
I can't see the chat.
Was that something that was in the chat?
I apologize.
No, but he's always affirming me and others.
Thank you, sir.
I feel you.
Yeah.
Okay.
So, yeah, I wanted to really get to that and get you guys to sort of like answer for yourself,
you know, and affirm for yourself.
This is what I'm about.
This is what I'm doing.
You know, because like, there's only a few things, guys, that really are holding you
back from anything.
And you know, I'm, I'm speaking to myself as far as like, I mean, I'm married.
So that's not the particular thing right now.
But I am entering into new seasons in my life all the time in my marriage, that God is leading
me into and preparing me for, for which I have to say yes.
And for which I have to, like change, either behavior, or change a mindset or have preparedness
for whatever that next season is.
And so there's definitely and it's, and it's challenging.
You know, it's not just like, oh, you know, I'm married, I'm just going through my life
doing my thing.
You know, I really believe that.
I believe that God is always inviting us to the next, to the next thing, the next level.
And not in a way of like putting the carrot out there, you know, to like in a in a malicious
way to like, oh, you'll never get there sort of thing.
But I mean, just because we truly go, as scripture says, from glory to glory.
And that may not necessarily be look like something that in this world would be accomplishment.
Like when I say next level or the next thing, in a worldly sense, in a
secular sense, that sounds like doing more, leveling up, making more money, being more
successful, whatever, you know, but obviously kingdom values are very different than that.
So the thing that God may be asking you to do is he may be asking you to, um, to, um,
give more of your life, your time and your attention to, in the service of ministry.
And then that begs the question, you know, is, is your life of singleness per se, for
the rest of your life, or even just for a small season, is that divine?
I'm not questioning whether it is divine.
I'm questioning, you know, is this a divine thing that God is definitely leading you into?
In Mike's case and in Josh's case, I seem to hear a little bit of that, but I'm not,
I guess I want you to ask for yourself, Hey, you know, am I being divinely led into the
season of not making marriage, our priority, you know, and Mike, you kind of, you kind
of indicated that that was possibly what was going on with you.
I feel you want me to expound.
I mean, yeah.
For, for, for a minute.
Yeah.
So, um, so, well, I mean, whatever, it's only six guys to, so like, um, you know, I have
hit the ceiling as a prophet of what I can do.
And so I've, um, one of the things is like a couple of weeks ago, I was on one of the
calls and I was like, it's time to go into a different community where you can actually
be around people who can help you get to where you need to go.
Which made me sad because he's like, cause I am like Mary Poppins.
He moves me into places for seasons.
And then I, and I was surprised that was so soon, honestly.
And so like, um, but then, but I don't think, I don't think the, they're both mutually exclusive,
right?
Like, you're right.
Like, you know, like, so, um, I mean, I'm sad.
I've been grieving like, honestly, right.
It's not something I'm taking lightly and I love, you know, David and you and Jackie,
I believe in what you do 120%, right.
You know, or, but, um, but I also know that I was supposed to, and I actually feel like
we're going to meet on the flip side of my next adventure.
Um, because I think I know where I'm supposed to go, uh, this week we'll confirm, I'm hoping
for confirmation.
So I'm not, not looking, but I'm also walking into everything that I'm supposed to, that
everything I know, even though I don't know what it is, I don't know if that makes sense.
I know I'm supposed to pursue it.
Let me, let me, let me process that for a second, because one of the ways, like it's,
it's funny because in pursuing things, sometimes we can go get so caught up into, I guess,
I want to, I don't want to over-spiritualize it, like saying the flesh and the spirit,
but it is kind of technically, basically that it is your two natures worrying against.
And I think all of us on this call know the difference between when God is sovereignly
doing something like, like, I can't explain it, but I really feel in the depth of my spirit
that God is doing something.
He's leading me into something.
He's speaking to me about this.
I don't know how it all worked out, but I really feel the sovereignty on it.
That's one thing.
Another thing would be up in your head in terms of the flesh and trying to pursue something
I want, I want to solve my singleness.
I want to solve my loneliness, which, and I'm not talking about anybody in particular.
I'm just talking about, this is the kind of things that happen.
We find a lot of times with people working through this relational journey.
And so some, in some ways, when somebody is up in their head, trying to make it all work,
trying to connect all the dots, trying to like, like hustle the situation, right?
One of the best things they can do is like, turn that off, like focus on something else
and let it organically actually occur, right?
Versus someone who is like, I feel very sovereign, you know, not versus actually, it's, it's
kind of similar to what I kind of hear you saying, Mike, is that I don't know what God
is doing, but I sovereignly feel something.
I feel this very deeply that I'm, I'm moving.
There's some transition here.
There's this, there's.
season. And it may be that in doing that transition, as you're really feeling that sovereignty,
that you, that God does something very profound in it that you weren't expecting.
I could see that because that kind of stuff happens all the time with God. It's the way
God works a lot. The person that is so up in their head that there's, there's seemingly confusion,
there's seemingly, you know, aimlessness, no direction. That to me is a little bit more
troublesome because it's like, man, we need to get to, we need to get to some foundation here.
We need to get to some, some like, what is God saying? What is God doing? It is not,
I, I believe this with all of my heart. It is not the Lord. It is not God's ideal for you,
anyone for that matter, to be operating in any confusion.
It doesn't mean that you won't be confused. I'm confused a lot. Sometimes I am like,
I'm constantly asking, I'm like, Lord, what? I don't know what to do. I don't know how to solve
this. I don't know how to, you know, I'm like really struggling with this because I can't do
it in myself. And he's, you know, and so I just like, I need you. I really need you to help me
solve this equation, solve this relational issue, like solve this piece of the, I need a piece of
wisdom for this. And so that just becomes my prayer. That becomes my like calling out like,
Lord, I really need, I, I got to have this. And Lord, if I'm asking the wrong thing,
because I'm focused on this, because I think this is what I'm going for, like help me to get in the
right frame of mind because maybe I'm missing something. So that becomes just my focused prayer
when I'm doing that. And, and I'm, and I'm trusting in him in a way because I've known that he's been
faithful before. I know that I'll get the answer. I know that I will come into the right level.
And that's when things either start working out or have the light bulb situation go on,
or have a profound moment. Something usually shifts after that. I've been really pressing
in pursuing that from a very heartfelt place, not from a like, Oh, I'm going to figure this out.
And I'm just going to like, wait. And I'm just going to like cross my arms and like, you know,
I don't know, you know, be frustrated with it.
Anyway, I don't know if that's, you know, really coloring like two sides of the,
of the picture of the equation for you all. That's why I'm asking this question so sternly,
because I want you all to come to this in yourself. Like, yeah, like David asked this
question, but like, really, what am I doing? Like, is this is what I'm going after is like,
what this is. So when you have a, when you articulate, yes, this is my focus,
then sometimes behavior, the decisions, the things that you've been doing might need to
change a little bit. You might need to make an adjustment. So it's like, Oh yeah, this is my
prime objective. So I got a few adjustments I'm going to make here in order to continue on in
that path type of thing. Yeah. So no, basically it's just seek first the kingdom and his
righteousness and everything else will be added unto you. Right. And, you know, I mean, yeah,
it is. And that, that, that is like, so overused, unfortunately it becomes very common, but yes,
that is exactly the beauty of that statement is just that it's like, yeah, seek first, you know,
and, and these things will reveal themselves. These things will come to you. Things will
manifest before you and come sometimes out of like, even hiding like, whoa, that surprised me.
I was expecting that, but I didn't expect it to come that way. And here it is. Praise God. Wow.
That's amazing. You know? So any comments, any reactions to this?
I have just some thoughts on it. You know, everything I've known you guys for the last
couple of years, none about the program for the last couple of years and never really
um, if you were to ask me back then, Hey, are you, uh, what's your goal? Or do you want to
get married? I'm like, yeah, that's kind of where I want to lead, um, or where I want to end up.
But it wasn't until a couple of weeks ago where the Lord really brought me in and like, I signed up.
to the program and I felt the Lord opened the door for me to take action to implement my belief
of saying, yes, I actually want to get married, so what am I going to do? And it's not even me,
literally the Lord's like, hey, I had a buddy of mine give me a dream interpretation
and saying, hey, I think the Lord's going to invite you into a time of healing.
Literally the week after that, some things happened and here I am, I started the program.
So all that to say is two years ago would have been my response would have been like, yeah,
but was it divinely orchestrated? Maybe the Lord had invited me, but it wasn't until this very last
thing that, okay, I'm going to go, Lord, it's going to push me into action. And as I stepped
into the last couple of weeks for myself, understanding and seeing like, oh, I actually
really did have a lot of things that I needed to work on. So even of me praying like, Lord,
I'd love to find a wife. I'd love to just have a good relationship. All those things are all great.
However, there were things within my heart that needed to be healed that I could not see for
myself or that I could not heal myself. And so when we talk about having a divine orchestrating
of things happening, it's like, I can see over the last few weeks where the Lord opened the door.
I, you know, I'm currently in grad school. I work full time. You know, I had just finished
paying for a few classes over the summer and I was tight on money, you know, I was just like,
Lord, I don't know. And if I wanted to do the program or not, finally I decided, okay,
I'm going to do it. But I guess that to answer your question where, you know, it's multifaceted
here, but yes, I feel like from my perspective, being invited into a divine process with the Holy
Spirit to uncover some of the things so that my ultimate goal would be to one, honor my father,
right. But also to be prepared to be able to take on, you know, being a husband and a father and
things, you know, within that. So for me, that would be it. Hopefully that makes sense as far
as taking action would be the other one for me. It's like, yeah, you know, I could have probably
taken action a couple of years ago and, you know, the Lord is patient and faithful. But here I am,
where it's like, okay, this is my primary objective. And the way that I related to that is,
you know, being a fireman, like, you know, at a fire, you have a lot of different objectives going
on, right. But there's usually when you have something, a primary objective, there is a plan
in place for a strategic plan for you to be to go after what you need to go after. And I feel like
that for me is this, right. So that's kind of where I felt like the Lord was kind of opening
and directing and guiding me and what it looks like on the other side. It's, you know, yet to
be seen, but knowing God, I'm sure it's going to be great. I'll tell you this, guys. You know,
I'm not always, I'm really still kind of not. I'm not, I mean, Carlos just outlined, yeah,
you know, like, going, like, really, really throwing out some, like, some words, like,
I forget the actual phrases that you're using, but like, you know, basically making it sound
like you got to set goals and make it happen. I've never been that kind of person. You know,
I've always sort of like, oh, that's a type A person. I'm not type A. I'm not go getter. I'm
not like a goal setter type thing. I'm not like, you know, achievement oriented. I have very low
ambition. I'll just be honest with you in a lot of ways. I've been forced into ambition in my life
in a lot of ways. And, and some of it, you know, is authentic. And some of it is like, you know,
I feel like it was just God just prodding me. So I'm thankful for God, you know, sort of, you know,
what's the word, like, really compelling you, you know, in positive, good ways to, and then
sometimes people, they will prod you into those ways. And they may be agents of the Lord, you know,
in that way. So I'll tell you that. So I'm not as familiar with the whole setting goals and
achieving them and getting them out there. So that's why this question too, is very difficult
for me. It's just like, what are you doing? Like, I was asked that a number of years ago
with my career. I was in sales, I was in door to door. This was after I had come out of ministry,
vocational ministry for
couple decades. And I was really trying to find myself. And so
the only thing I could knew to do, that was easy enough for me
to just get into and get the job because I was trying to figure
out how to get my resume, you know, shifted over, I was just
doing sales, I was doing door to door sales. And there was a man
that was in there was a father of one of the teenagers that
that was in my youth group a couple years prior to that. I
knew him from church and he was just buzz. One of the dads, his
name was buzz. And he was just one of the dads and he was a
cool dad and I love buzz and buzz volunteered and he was a
good parent. He was a cool parent, you know, and he
understood what we were doing in youth ministry and all that
kind of stuff. And years later, I not worked in vocational
ministry. And so here I am trying to struggle to find my
identity and who I really am in terms of just making an income.
And he reached out to I think was my mom or my wife and he
said, Hey, you know, I'd like to help David if I could. And so I
went to his office one day, and he worked for Nationwide
Insurance. Columbus, Ohio is the the international headquarters
for Nationwide Insurance.
Hey, real quick. And he Yeah, you're talking to Mr.
Nationwide. I was in Columbus last week. Keep going. No way.
Yeah, I'm a nationwider. Keep going. I'm on your I'm on your
side.
On your side. Cool. He is a he is a director. He was director
of change management for a while and then he's he's a he's a he
became a vice president. He became an actual What do you
call it? A credited or recognized officer of the
company. And this man does not have a college degree. But he's
a recognized, he does not have a college degree, worked his way
up through all of this. And he is a profound mentor. And it's
one of his passions. And so I came to him. And I'm thinking,
man, I'm gonna go meet with my friend buzz. And I sat down in
his office. And he goes, Okay, so this is how this goes. And
I'm sitting in this office. Now I'm a little intimidated
because I'm not a corporate guy. But I'm sitting in this very
tall building, corporate office, buzz Weckner. And buzz, he goes,
Where's your resume? And I was like, Oh, yeah, I do have a copy
of because he told me to bring one. And I handed him one page
resume. And he read it in about 30 seconds. And he goes, this
is terrible. What? What do you mean? He goes, this right here.
This is horrible. He goes, What do you make a year? And I told
him, he goes, you make what? That's, that's, that's a way
under where you should be. He goes, my son is 20 something
years old, and he almost is gonna, he's gonna he's a
manager, he's also almost gonna make about twice that this next
year. And I'm like, okay, I'm feeling like the worst. This is
my friend buzz. I've not met executive director, Vice
President buzz, nationwide insurance, who is like, the real
deal. Right. And he literally read me my mail. He was just
like, Oh, my God. He goes, he goes, I know you, because I know
that you're better than this. He basically was like, what are you
doing? Are you doing with your life? And I'm like, yeah,
exactly. What am I doing with my life? I have no idea who I am.
He goes, that's obvious. And he was direct with me. And it was
the biggest wake one of the biggest wake up calls ever had
my life. But it was such that like, within nine months, I was
able to go back to him because of the just a few meetings I had
and the few changes I made. I was able to go back to him and
report to him that I had leveled up into a promotion that was
equivalent to what it was that he was outlining the where the
where I could be. The problem was, is that at the time when I
first met with him, I did not know that I could be that until
he told me in a roundabout way. What are you doing? You
shouldn't be here. You should be here. I'm like, Whoa. And it was
humbling. It was embarrassing. It was encouraging. And it was
stripped down
But it was uplifting and it was scary and also peaceful and comforting at the same time.
And so I was thankful for Buzz and I went back to him and I reported to him.
I said, this is what happened, the promotion and all that and I told him the story.
And he was like, oh my gosh, that's amazing.
Like, I'm so proud of you.
And it was just like almost a dad, a father figure telling me that, you know, yeah, you did it. I'm proud of you.
So I guess I'm telling you that story because I feel like, I feel like, I feel like you can and you should have that relationship with God.
I feel like, I feel like God wants to be that for you.
I feel like others in your life want to be that for you, so let them be.
I feel like that there is, there's a, there's power in somebody calling you higher and telling you that, you know what?
I mean, obviously from our perspective, last year single, dealing with relationships, all that kind of stuff.
We err on the side of, you should be pursuing marriage.
And we differentiate between that, which is the prime objective, I think, for all human relationships.
Except there are occasions where it's obviously very, very solidified in scripture that there are individuals that are called to an anointing, to an empowerment of singleness for a specific purpose.
And it outlines, when it talks about that, it outlines pretty good what kind of like, what the attitude is.
And so like when you see young single people, there's nobody on this call that's really like young, young, like as in like mid-20s type of thing, right?
And when you see young people and they're just like, yeah, you know, I'm finding myself and doing my thing and all that kind of stuff.
And I'm really pursuing that.
And I'm like, I get that.
I get that in this modern world.
That probably wouldn't make it very good in an ancient world.
But in the modern world, it's a little bit more understandable because this is so much that it takes even just to like go about this life.
But when you see that, and you see that consistently then into the 30s, into the later on in life, and it's discouraging because it's like, no, eventually it becomes, you don't have an anointing to be single.
You just don't want to step up into what it is that is, you know, finding that relationship and making that prime objective.
Like, you know, there's obstacles in your way and you're allowing those obstacles to be there.
He goes, you're allowing all this stuff and why you aren't where you're supposed to be, to be all the reasons and excuses and problems.
And not that they weren't real.
They were very real.
They were things that I was allowing myself to get in my way for not being the kind of provider that I should have been for my family at the time.
And I could have been.
Because with that didn't come just an increase in income.
It didn't just come, you know, just to say that I did it.
With that came a level of responsibility and saying yes.
And my family looking at me like, oh, that's not just some guy that's kind of losing.
He's found himself.
Like there's something that sparked.
It made the difference in every area of my life, not just like my income.
Or not just a thing on my resume.
It makes a difference in the broad perspective of the whole thing.
So like when I say, you know, we need good men to level up and accept the responsibility of pursuing all the right things in their life, including the prime objective of being in, you know, finding your spirit mate.
I mean, that's that's an invitation.
That is like, wow.
I mean, that's like a powerful thing.
And so I applaud you all for plodding away at this, for pursuing, for going forward in what it is that you're you're called to do.
Because I see you as guys showing up.
I see you as guys feeling the weight of the calling of the
Lord in this. There's no shame. There's no there's no dis on
this call at all.
The call that we're having tonight is just a call to try to
clarify in your voice to say, this is what I'm doing.
This is what I'm about.
This is where I'm going.
You know,
and for you to reaffirm in yourself. Okay, yeah, I maybe
there's some adjustments I can make maybe some things I'm doing
or you know, I've been trying this, but I'm going to try this
over here.
Really looking for that profound weight that God is trying to
invite you into.
And I don't know, I don't know how that happens for you. I know
how it happens for me in terms of, you know, when I just feel
a call, whether it's just like the prayer, some people, they
find it while they're just reading the word, sometimes
people find it in nature, sometimes they find it in, you
know, doing work. I don't know, it just there's all kinds of
different ways to go about doing it. And, but I want to applaud
I want to applaud and fan the flame of your pursuit tonight to
find whatever that is, that's, that's calling you higher. You
know, and continue to get the things out of your way. I'll
tell you the top seven things that are basically keeping
anyone back from feeling like they're not ready for
relationships. So let me give you a list at least, you can
write this down if you want to, or somebody can type it in the
chat if they want to. So the first one is emotional
readiness. You know, career lifestyle, you know, whether
you're ready for marriage, you know, that's probably more of a
younger man's thing. Possibly. Number one is emotional
readiness. Number two is past experiences. So the pain
typically of past experiences that have led you to feel a
little like, I'm not really sure if I want to do that again.
That kind of past experiences, unresolved issues, lingering
fears, that kind of stuff. The third one is self awareness and
personal growth. This is where you know, you're trying to
understand your values, your priorities, what you are seeking
in a partner, that kind of thing. And it can also be just
like, you know, like, I would say Carlos right now is in a
personal growth phase. Like he's having some breakthrough and
some things he's like stepping up and going, okay, this is a
really serious thing. I've always been kind of marriage
minded, but I just realized in recent months that there's
a level up to that. And I really had some profound
breakthrough. And so now I'm having the season of hard work
that I'm doing. You know, I'm saying that's a really good
example of that. But that's not necessarily an obstacle. For
him. That's just sort of a momentary season thing. Number
four is the fear of change. Fear of change. I've known people
that were said they're marriage minded. That's what they wanted
to do. And they're pursuing for it. And they're getting they got
in a relationship, they got engaged, and then they got
married. And all of a sudden, they're like, complaining
because like, well, where's my personal space? And where's my
personal time? And where's all my thing? Like, Oh, basically,
you didn't want to be married, just wanted you like your
singleness. Literally, like I love, they love their
singleness more than they really want to be married. And they
didn't weren't honest enough to really tell themselves that.
Or the other person before they got married, unfortunately. Now
that person is divorced. Fear of change. Number five is pressure
or expectations. This is where mounting societal or family
issues or those kinds of things. And press on you to pressure you
into something that you feel like you have to make happen
rather than allowing it to organically happen. Number six
is finding the right partner. Finding the right partner, the
right person aligns with your values and goals, your life, I
think that definitely can be a an honest, an honest reason.
that you're like, I just haven't found the right person yet.
And I get that, but I think that can go both ways too.
I think sometimes that can be an excuse to go,
you know, like on a level of like,
I'm afraid of commitment, a little avoidant attachment.
It can be that as well.
So it's like, oh, I haven't found the right person.
Really?
You had three people that were like the right person.
Like seriously, you can't make one of those happen?
You know, type thing.
So it's kind of like finding the right person.
It's like, that's not the thing.
So you can't say that is the thing
when you've got people lining up
that are, you know, perfectly good candidates
or you're unwilling to like, you know,
pursue that type thing.
And then the last one is timing.
Timing, sometimes there are literally things going on
in life, like back in the day, right?
Like, oh, I'm going off to war.
Yeah, that probably would be a difficult time
to start relationship.
You know, like, okay, I get it, right?
Yeah, timing is up.
Your timing's really bad right now.
Like obviously, if you're in a critical health crisis,
you know, and you're in a coma for like a month,
you know, that could be a timing issue, right?
So timing definitely could be a thing.
Seasonal type things, I think,
could be a thing that is happening.
But then again, you know,
can be an excuse maker as well.
So I want to challenge each one of you
to go through those seven things.
Emotional readiness, past experiences,
self-awareness, personal growth, fear of change,
pressure and expectations,
finding the right partner and timing.
And I want you to see if there's any thing in your life
that is coming up in those ways
that are becoming roadblocks or preventers
or things that are in your way
of your preparedness or readiness for marriage.
And then I want you to really assess, identify first,
if anything on that list, what they are.
And then I want you to really press into that thing
and question everything about it.
To start questioning it, like interrogate it.
Like it's something that's opposing you.
Because if something is truly opposing you
and it's opposing you from the very thing
that you either say is your prime objective
or that you want or that you feel like is the best,
then you should want to oppose the opposition, yes?
You should want to question that.
You should want to come against that.
You know, we talk about in Christian culture a lot of times,
you know, the opposing forces
or something that's coming against you.
Yeah, well, how about we come against that?
You know, I've had that,
and that's been a great spiritual lesson for me
is to oppose the forces of darkness,
to the power of love and the power of his word,
the power of the blood of Jesus.
The fact that it was not in a demonstrative way,
not like an over, like, oh, I'm trying to build myself up
and be like super superhero,
like truly opposing the forces of darkness.
You know, they can be all around me,
but they don't have to affect me
because I'm coming against that, you know?
And you can take it spiritual warfare, whatever,
or you can take it just like,
no, I'm not really putting up with that.
I don't want there to be such opposition to my life
that I am being affected by it.
You know, other than, you know,
because I could do something about it.
I can say, no, I can resist temptation.
I can resist the forces that are trying to put me out
of what, you know, what good God has for me.
That can be very powerful, guys.
So any questions on that?
I want to stop pontificating tonight.
Do you feel encouraged or challenged by any of this?
Yeah, thank you, David.
It goes along with what Jackie shared.
on Saturday morning, just a level of fight and prayer
that I've been feeling that I need to step into.
It's something that I've never really stepped into.
So thank you.
Yeah.
Go ahead, Mike, I'm sorry.
No, you go first, sir, yeah.
Well, I was just gonna say,
one of the seven and the challenge fit my circumstance.
That I find myself in.
So yeah, it's challenge received.
Thank you.
Yeah.
And just being, you know what?
I mean, guys, it's not always a situation
where we have to feel inferior either
to what we're being challenged with
or the circumstances, whatever.
Most times, I just, I don't know how else to say it
other than just being honest with God.
And not honest, like in a confessional way,
but just honest to say, okay, God,
if this is really what we're doing,
then this is what I'm needing to see.
This is what I'm needing to understand.
This is what I'm needing to have happen.
This is what I'm needing.
Like, I'm like, let's do this.
Like, I'm on board, you know?
But let's go.
You know, that's kind of like a popular
like success phrase right now.
Let's go, you know?
Like everybody does, like all the big success guys
are let's do this, let's sell this, let's go,
you know, doing all that.
And so it's kind of like, you know,
it's kind of like you doing that to God.
Say, all right, God, I'm ready.
Let's go, let's do this.
Like, what are we doing?
Like, how are we getting this done type thing?
Because I want to truly step into this next season.
Amen.
So, I've got my wife calling me on the other phone.
She's like, where are you?
What are you doing?
And I'm like, oh.
Hey, thanks for buzzing us.
Thanks for buzzing us.
You know, I just, I'm going to miss you all,
but thanks for laying it down
and challenging us up.
Mike, we're not, you're not going anywhere
like that we don't, we can't know you.
So we're going to run across.
So I know you're moving on, but it's all right, brother.
Yeah.
We're connected.
And I love you guys.
And I wish you the best.
I'll be praying for it.
And Lord, may you bless.
And just, yeah, may every man here
that will listen to this in this group,
flourish and find their bride.
And maybe just bless the wedding this weekend
and the officiation and everything
would just go smoothly in your favor
and fluidity would be all over it.
And that Lord, that it would be a season of fun
and that no more hang ups and hitches
that it just full force forward in Jesus name.
Amen.
All right, guys.
God bless.
Have a great week.
Talk to you soon.