WEBVTT

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Hello, everybody. Welcome to phase two weekly check-in. I'm so excited to have you all here.

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I know. Diana, thank you so much for getting so excited. I love when you guys are here.

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I love when you're on camera and I don't feel so alone when I'm chatting with you. So super

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excited to be here with you. How many people are here for the very first time? I feel like

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it's a song opening. Is there anybody here for the very first time? Okie dokie. Naomi,

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is this your first time? Did you wave your hand that it is? I was on but Jackie was on.

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She came in as a speaker. I think the love seat. Yep. So that was your first time. It's

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so funny when the first week coincides with love seats. People are like, I'm sorry, what's

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this all about? I'm sorry. Yeah, exactly. Okay, I'm glad you guys let me know because

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I'm gonna go to my printer. And I like to be sure that I always go through the housekeeping

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because the way you guys kind of come rolling in is people are in different places. So phase

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two should last about four weeks. Some of you have been known to camp here for like

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six months, because you like the little cocoon that we all get in and we have this nice little

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small group feeling. And you're like, well, I still get Jackie once a month. Why do I

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need to go to phase three? It's just so big. But I've been booting people out lately. Now

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I'm not I'm not kidding about that. There's no rush to get out. Some of you took longer

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than five weeks to go through heartwork. Some of you will take longer to go through. So

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first let me say the only criteria to move over to phase three is that you watch all

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five videos and I'm going to kind of highlight all of them in a second. And you're here about

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four weeks. So we want you here for about four weekly check-ins in that very first video

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called Love Story Accelerator. One of the things that she says is, hey, you've got a

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seven day dating challenge. Some of you have continued to think, oh my goodness, I need

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to complete seven dates or be in a serious relationship. So there's a difference between

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a level three, which I'll mention in a second and phase three. You do not need to complete

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the dating challenge. You do not need to be dating at all to move into phase three.

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Phase three is just for everybody who has finished all the content and the training

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of phase one and phase two. While in phase three, you could be there for three weeks,

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three months, or three years. You're allowed to stay as long as you want. Some of us have

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been a part of this program a very long time. We have seen ourselves through a lot of dating

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relationships. Some of you guys are new, newer to me. So you don't know that I about up until

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about a month and a half ago, I was with somebody that I thought I was going to marry.

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Did not work out that way. I am fine. I'm actually almost too fine. I don't know about

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that. I don't know what that says. Honestly, if it wasn't for heartwork and if it wasn't

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for this program, there were so many good signs about that relationship that on paper

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he looked really good that I think I would have, old me would have talked myself out

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of some of the yellow flags that were starting to get orange. And so I'm so glad. So it's

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really important when you guys start dating that you date in community and you let people

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speak into you. So I was making sure that Bethany and Jackie were still speaking into

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me and really kind of going, wait, is this safe? Is this not safe? Cause you know, one

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of the phrases that Jackie says during heartwork is her in relationship healed in relationship,

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which means some of the triggers that you are going to feel in this dating season only

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come up when you start dating. You can only do so much of the heartwork single. A lot

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of it actually has to happen in the dating process, which kind of stinks. Cause sometimes

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you think, oh my gosh, I'm going backwards. Why am I getting triggered? Well, you're getting

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triggered cause you're getting tested out. So to speak, like your body's going to come

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up against stuff that you've been up against before, but now you have the chance to do

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it healthy with new tools. I need to slide something off the oven. So hold on a second.

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Okay. And so it's really important that you stay in community. So you could be at any

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place in your dating relationship. It is okay. You are not a failure. If you're not dating,

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you are not a failure. If you're not in a serious relationship or married in 12 months,

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you are a failure if you don't do anything. Right? So I want to make sure that where you

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stepped into this program, is it where you stay? So I don't care if you take two steps

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forward and a step back, two steps forward and a step back. My goal is that you just

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keep moving. So that's like the biggest thing you're going to see out of Carla and I, while

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you're in phase two, we're just going to not want to see you sit in the background. Now,

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if you're watching this.

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and replay and you, um, I'm not sure if the person who said it was in the noon session

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or it's going to watch this in the replay, but somebody actually put in the post, I'm

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just going to sit back and watch everybody else date. And I'm like, ah, you don't get

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to do that. You don't get to learn this by osmosis. Like I wish you like, if I, if that

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were true, I would watch people work out and I would lose weight. And I'd be happy with

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that. Like, you know, for all the years that the biggest loser was on, did you want to

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know one of the most common thing that happened while people were watching the biggest losers?

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Like they were eating junk food. So if we could all get skinny watching other people,

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you know, exercise, we'd be thin. And the same is true for dating. If we could like,

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Oh, if I just keep watching how Trina does it and Yvonne does and Carla does it, I'm

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going to learn all their boo-boos and I'm going to make none of them myself. That is

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unfortunately not the way it works. You kind of have to get out there. Okay. So what are

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those five main videos? So the five main videos is the love story accelerator. It's the first

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one that Jackie does. She kind of gives you a dating challenge. Do not freak out. And

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we were like, well, dear God, I've had no dates in the last seven years. And you're

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asking me to come up with seven dates, whatever. It's just an idea of you guys. We came up

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like literally on a whim call three years ago. She's like Renee, how many dates should

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we give people in a challenge? I didn't know this was going to stick three years later.

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And I was like, I don't know. Seven's God's holy number. How does that sound? And like

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literally it's how much energy we put into that decision on the seven date challenge.

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So it's just an idea to kind of get you out there again. So that's the first thing she

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talks about. The second thing she talks about is start moving again and start eating whole

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foods and drinking water. And here's the, and I'm going to talk a little bit more about

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that tonight. So we don't normally talk about Love Star Accelerator in the check-in, but

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I am going to talk about it a little bit tonight. The second video that you're going to watch

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is called Dating 101. And she talks about the five levels of dating, which should not

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be confused with the phases that you're in this program. So phases means the level of

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this program. Dating levels is just how you date. It's a great video. And she talks about

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level one dating is just this, this is us in community. It's co-ed, it's all women. It is

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when you're in a group setting. So like if you are talking to multiple guys online and you've

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not yet had a one-on-one video date or a live date, you're just at level one. Cause you're

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talking to a bunch of people. He's talking to a bunch of people. So like, if you're out like at

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a singles dinner and the cute guy, like says five sentences more to you than the girl next to you,

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you're still not out on a date. You're still not in a level two situation with him. He,

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we don't know if he's being flirty. We don't know if he's being nice. We don't know if he's just

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practicing his dating skills on you, or he's just bored. We don't know. We won't know that unless

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you have some alone time with them to have that conversation. Level. So level two dating is alone

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time. It is time alone. Believe it or not. I can have a level two relationship with one of you.

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How many of you guys hang out with women in a group and you're like, man, Sandy, Sandy seems

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like a really cool lady. I want to go. I want to have coffee with Sandy. So Sandy and I are going

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to go have coffee together. That's actually a level two relationship. I'm getting to know her

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at a surface level. I'm not vomiting all of my trauma, drama and triggers. Well,

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unless I'm in a 12 step meeting, I might, but in every other situation you shouldn't be.

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Level three is where someone has earned the right to be heard. They've earned the right to hear

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your story and you're in more of an exclusive relationship. Now, Jackie doesn't say it's 3A,

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3B. I've coined that phrase. So I take complete ownership. And so if she ever like laughs at you

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for calling it 3A, you can blame me. But I feel like sometimes, especially at my age, people are

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like, Hey, I don't know where this is going to go, but I kind of want to just focus on you right now.

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Do you want to just focus on me? And I'm like, yeah, man. Cause I've been out on enough dates.

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Like you seem like a cool guy. Like, I'd like to just put my energy towards you. I've not decided

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that I'm marrying this guy yet. I've not decided that he deserves all my trauma and drama and

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story, but I do like the idea of knowing that I'm not worried about like me trying to juggle a bunch

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of guys and he's juggling a bunch of women. We're just going to kind of pause everybody else,

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focus on just each other. I don't delete my profiles. I don't like delete interacting with

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other people, but I kind of go like, let's kind of zoom in. And then obviously as a level three

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relationship progresses, it gets more serious. Level four is engagement. Level five is marriage.

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That whole video, she spends like an hour and a half on it. Do not take what I just said in three

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minutes as all of the answers, but that's kind of like what happens in the dating 101 video.

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The third video is the divine feminine, probably one of my most favorite videos.

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And I love unpacking that with you.

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It really talks about what God's original design was for masculine and feminine in the

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garden before we screwed it up.

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And so, and what has happened since the garden and the trajectory of sometimes where men

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became too dominant, Jesus tried to restore that, then the men's movement came, then the

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women's movement came, so we've kind of gone back and forth on this pendulum.

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And now we're at a season in our life where we can't even decide what defines a man and

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a woman, and so we've gotten all sorts of identity crisis.

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I promise that the sound of it sounds like woo-woo, I promise it's not hippy-dippy woo-woo.

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So if you're like thinking, oh my gosh, like I don't want to have a mystical video on divine

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feminine, it's not that, I promise.

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So you're going to super enjoy it, and we talk about the positive traits that are divinely

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masculine and divinely feminine that we're supposed to kind of carry out, and what that

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looks like when we have a broken heart and a gift gone wrong.

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So like I used to run a nonprofit for 20 years, and I used to love saying to folks, you don't

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have strengths and weaknesses, most of our weaknesses is when we operate too much in

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our strength and it gets kind of overused.

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So sometimes the biggest things that I've done to hurt people has been when I have used

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my gift almost too much, if that makes sense, right?

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So it's an overuse of it.

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Now like in spiritual gift land, we always worry like, oh my gosh, miracles, speaking

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in tongues, doing a little too much laying on of hands, you're getting a little too much

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in your spiritual gift.

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But if you notice in the church, no one ever tells you you're helping too much or you're

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being too generous.

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It's funny how there are certain spiritual gifts we think there's not, like there's never

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enough of, but as somebody who's been in full-time ministry, I promise you I have overextended

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my helping and generosity gift.

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Like I have done it to a point that is burned me out.

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So that's the divine feminine video.

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You will love it.

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Then I do online dating and I will say this, you guys, and I say this in the video, nobody

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hated online dating more than me.

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Nobody has probably done online dating.

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Some of y'all are so young, you don't even know when it first started.

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Like I have been there, done it, tried it all and I swore I would never ever do it again.

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But when Jackie issued the dating challenge, I was a little screwed because in my world

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of running a nonprofit, all I was around was married men, but then I was also in community

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theater.

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So I was around gay men, gay men, married men, never around single men.

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Like literally count on one hand how many single men I actually know in real life.

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So the only way I was going to practice these dating skills is online dating.

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And I promise you it's a funny video.

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You will enjoy it.

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And even if you never want to do online dating again, there are so many great tips about

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how to do that early flirting, early dating in there.

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The next video I do boundaries.

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I've been teaching on boundaries since Townsend Cloud wrote the book 30 years ago.

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And whenever we have to reteach it, I always need the boundaries more than y'all.

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So it's always a good lesson.

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And I talk about boundaries with your family, your friends, your coworkers.

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And so not just in your dating situation.

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So it's a really great video.

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So every single week that you see us on here, we kind of spend the first 10 minutes doing

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what I'm doing right now.

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I just kind of remind you about everything.

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You're like, gosh, I need to go back and watch that video.

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So that's why I'm doing this.

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I kind of go over the housekeeping rules.

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I do a little bit of a summary teaching and based.

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It's usually based on what you guys have to say in the roll call and what you guys say

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in the comments, the things that are seeming to be bubbling up.

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I'm going to send you out to a breakout group with about three or four other people.

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I usually try to put four in a room knowing that two to three of you might show up because

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some of you are working or you're in a position where you can't get into that call.

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And so that's OK.

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We're going to have you answer a couple of questions and continue to get to know each

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other.

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And then we come back and you guys get to spend the next 30, 45 minutes asking me whatever

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question you want.

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It could be a dating scenario.

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It could be something from the video that just stuck out at you.

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So it's really your time.

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And we have lots of fun during that.

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You will have learned pretty quickly.

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I can be super serious, super funny, super snarky.

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I've been there and done it.

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I ran a pregnancy center for 20 years.

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So there's no question that you can ask me that will not shock me.

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I'm good.

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In fact, I seem to be like the girl people call when somebody either has an STD or they're

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pregnant or their kid is pregnant.

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Like I literally just got a text from my cousin.

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She's like, OK, so my daughter's best friend is 20 and she's pregnant and you're the first

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person I thought of to help her through this.

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I'm like, I am your girl.

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And so OK, so let me give you a few more other housekeeping items.

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Make sure when you do your post, you kind of either.

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or share about what's going on in your dating life,

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your personal life, how you're activating,

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getting out from hiding,

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and any questions you have about any of the videos,

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any ahas, because if you have an aha from the video,

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it might even be something that the Lord placed on you,

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and we didn't even say it in the video,

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but the God kind of downloaded that to you,

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and it might be a gift to somebody else.

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I will say Carla and I are not

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your dream interpretation experts,

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so, eh, on the dreams,

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so I know you guys have been doing that in phase one.

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I will tell you, you guys are gonna be invited

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to an all-community dream interpretation.

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I believe the post was put up,

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I think it's next Thursday night,

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so it doesn't conflict with us here,

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but we'll keep reminding you about that.

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You'll be able to watch that and replay if you miss it,

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but it'll be a really great place

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to learn a little bit about unpacking those dreams.

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And then, of course,

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I just wanna make sure you lift all boats,

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and so, really make sure when you give responses

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that you are encouraging and that you are uplifting.

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If somebody's down in the dumps,

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I'm not trying to ask you to be all Pollyann

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and be like, oh my gosh, you know,

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God works together all things for good.

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Like, I don't want you to Romans 8, 28 people

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and not be able to express their concern,

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but I don't want us to drag each other down,

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like, oh my gosh, yeah, men suck,

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and like, oh my gosh, and all they think about is this.

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Like, oh my gosh, I'm not meeting anybody either.

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Doesn't it just suck?

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Like, you can commiserate a little bit with each other,

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but we wanna try to lift one another up,

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and so, I'm gonna just encourage you to do that.

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It also means we don't wanna tell people what to do,

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and we don't wanna be their therapist.

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So, even if you are a therapist,

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you don't get to be a therapist here.

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We really need to help people and ask good questions.

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So, I use the word curious.

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You wanna be curious, and actually, ladies,

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this is really good for you to practice that in here,

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one of us as women, our biggest hang-up with men

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is we treat men like our children,

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and we become their therapist.

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Like, we start out nurturing and compassionate,

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which is a good gift,

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and then all of a sudden, we start caretaking,

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and we think it's our job

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to teach a guy how to date properly,

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and we think it's our job to school them.

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Nobody tried to school men more than me.

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Like, you know that that's not appropriate behavior

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for a brother in Christ.

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He is not looking for me for my advice,

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and so, we wanna make sure we practice that

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with each other in the pages.

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We are far more likely to do that with men on date.

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So, good, good, okay.

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So, the thing that I saw come up,

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and it's really perfect,

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because it kind of goes with the love story accelerator.

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When I was kind of reading your posts and stuff,

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one of the things that Bethany wanted me to highlight

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is something that Jackie said in a post,

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and she said, you don't have to be the first in line

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for your love story, because you're the only one in line.

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And so, it's the idea of stop worrying about other women

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getting in front of you to get your guy.

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So, it might be really easy to think like,

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oh my gosh, she stole him, or she got to him first.

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The truth is, if he's your guy,

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he's gonna be waiting for you.

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He's gonna be picking you.

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Because the truth is, you guys, once people get married,

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it doesn't mean that men go blind,

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and they don't see any other woman.

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I wanna know that my guy's picking me

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among all of the women he can see,

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because I need to know that he has seen,

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like, there was a time in my life,

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I wouldn't let any guy I was dating meet my cousin,

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because she's hot.

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She's like Jennifer Anderson hot.

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Like, no, seriously.

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Like, guys will fall all over her,

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and I'm like, I can't show any of my boyfriends my cousin

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until I know he's really in love with me.

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But now I'm like, you know what?

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I'm gonna find my hottest girlfriend,

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like, my most outgoing friend,

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and if he's wooed by her just meeting her,

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then he's not my guy.

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Like, I wanna make sure my guy

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can be in front of anything else,

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and he's still gonna pick me.

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So we really want you to make sure

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that you are not worrying about it.

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Like, especially once you go into phase three,

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if you guys see the same guy that's in the co-bed,

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and you're like, oh, I'm gonna drop a hanky,

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especially if Jackie spotlights him,

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20 girls might get in touch with her to say,

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hey, Mark seems like a great guy.

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I'd be a great match with him.

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Well, Mark might talk to all 20 of you

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before he narrows it down,

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and you have to be okay with the fact

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that he's talking to other women,

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not just other women, but other women in this community,

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and it's awkward, y'all.

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Like, there was a guy I was talking to

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really early on in the program,

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and it was fun until we stopped talking to each other,

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and I saw to see him in the program.

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And then when he found his person,

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and I'm like, she looks just like me.

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Why didn't he just pick me?

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I mean, like, I'm a younger, cuter version of her.

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Like, whatever.

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But y'all, he wasn't my person, and he's so much happier.

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So we really kind of have to be okay with that.

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I've heard Jackie say is what you make happen for someone else, God will make happen for you.

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So if I go out on a date with a guy and he's just not my guy, but he's a great guy,

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I want to get him to join this program because maybe he's Stephanie's guy or Diana's guy.

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That doesn't make him a bad guy. He's just not my guy. Like, you know, I mean, I'm kind of like

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this snarky little Italian. And so if he's a little bit more softer spoken, I might be like

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just too much for him. But there might be somebody else in this community that would be perfect for

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him. So we really want you to have this mindset that when you see other people in relationships

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and other engagement photos and all of that, it's like encouragement. And it's devastating,

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potentially all at the same time, we want you to stand the encouraging side.

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We want you to be like, well, man, if it could happen for her, it could happen for me.

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And we want you to have that mindset to, oh my gosh, why is it happening for her and not for me?

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You know, that's just not going to get us anywhere. Okay. So the thing I talked about

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last week in the boundaries, and again, I'm just highlighting here, I use this acronym.

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So I try to remember things in an acronym. And so if I find that my attitude is getting kind of

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cranky, if I'm not being nice to people, if I'm kind of having a depressed attitude about it,

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I find that I need to check out what I call my pies. And I talked about this last week.

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And so your P stands for physical. How is your physical wellbeing doing? Are you getting sleep?

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Are you getting rest? Did you guys know rest and sleep are not the same thing?

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They are not the same thing. Are you moving? Are you eating whole single source foods? Are you

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getting in enough water? You guys just not drinking enough water can literally put you

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in a bad mood. So sleep, rest, and water. If you do nothing else, please do those three things.

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Intellect. What are you doing to fill your mind? Do you continue to have a learning spirit?

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Like it would be really easy for me to go like, oh my gosh, I've been there, done it. Like a lot

355
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of us came into this program and we're like, I don't really need to do the hard work because I've

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already done enough therapy. Y'all, no one has done more therapy than me. No one's been in more

357
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retreats than me. Seances, I'm not kidding with the seance, like sozo's, freedom prayers, I've done

358
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all the things. And yet I still learned something in the heart work. And every time I listened to

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Jackie and Bethany this far in, I still learn from them. Like I still got, it's like scripture,

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you guys, like we read scripture and like all of a sudden God will highlight a scripture you've

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read 5,000 times. So always make sure you have this learning spirit and try not to be like,

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I'm done learning or that's just the way that I am and I'm not going to change. We want to

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00:22:54.080 --> 00:23:00.400
kibosh that. Ease for emotional. How is your emotional wellbeing? And if your emotions are

364
00:23:00.400 --> 00:23:06.240
kind of out of whack, make sure you're journaling your thoughts. You share them here. You talk about

365
00:23:06.240 --> 00:23:11.040
them with somebody if you don't feel comfortable here. I promise you, if you are feeling something,

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somebody else is feeling the same thing too. And then the last is spiritual. How's your spiritual

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world doing? Usually if we are depressed and out of sorts, God has not moved away from us.

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We have moved away from him. You know you, you know what gets you reconnecting with the Lord.

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Is it getting in the word? Is it worshiping? Is it listening to teachings? Is it praying?

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Is it doing activities? So get your pies in order. Okay. I also want us to get ready for your

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mid, when we got into the groups, you're going to be doing this project in particular.

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So I want you to think about your mid-year reflection. So it's about to be the end of

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July. Y'all, I can't even believe we're about to say August. How is that even humanly possible

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for the love? And so here we are. And so you might be thinking like, oh my gosh,

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like I only have five months left of the year and like I've got nothing done.

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So I want you to reflect not just in your breakout time as we got about to go in,

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but I want you to reflect this whole next week on what has gone well the front half of the year.

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We did this in prayer on Monday. So if you were in prayer on Monday, y'all like it took people a

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while to find things to be like celebratory of themselves. And I want you to like knock it out

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of the park. I want you to journal. And if you guys want share it in the newsfeed this week,

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like brag on yourself, you know, like literally like be like, oh my gosh, Trina was awesome.

382
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This first half of the year, here are the three things that Trina got done. And I'm so proud of

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00:24:48.000 --> 00:24:54.080
her. Like talk about yourself in the third person, like brag on yourself, like brag on what you got

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done. I promise you, you all got something done. I mean, you got out of heart work and you're here

385
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in phase two. So you.

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You got at least that done, but I'm sure there's other things.

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So I want you to take the time to celebrate your wins, write them down.

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Now you can kind of look into a two pronged of where you're going.

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What do you specifically want to accomplish while you're here in phase two?

390
00:25:17.440 --> 00:25:20.800
Is it just simply get out of the background and what does that even look like

391
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for you? If you're not going to do online dating,

392
00:25:23.280 --> 00:25:26.720
what are you willing to do to go meet people in real life?

393
00:25:27.000 --> 00:25:29.980
What can you do to be more feminine? Um, you know,

394
00:25:29.980 --> 00:25:33.860
what new way can you try to meet somebody new or talk to somebody new?

395
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And then of course, as you look at the rest of the year,

396
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what is something at least one or two things that you're still trying to

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accomplish before the end of the year?

398
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So here's what I am going to tell you when you go into your breakout,

399
00:25:46.420 --> 00:25:48.980
you're not allowed for to be those two,

400
00:25:49.020 --> 00:25:53.220
two of those three questions to be get married. So if you say, or well,

401
00:25:53.260 --> 00:25:56.260
get married in the next four weeks would be kind of creepy and I'd be jumping

402
00:25:56.260 --> 00:25:58.860
all over you as would Jackie. So you might say,

403
00:25:59.060 --> 00:26:01.260
I want to be in a serious relationship.

404
00:26:01.420 --> 00:26:04.900
You're going to say that for phase two that I don't want that to be your only

405
00:26:04.900 --> 00:26:09.140
answer. I want you to have other dreams besides find your guy,

406
00:26:09.540 --> 00:26:12.900
right? Other dreams. So it's reflect back.

407
00:26:13.260 --> 00:26:15.300
What do you want to get done in phase two?

408
00:26:15.300 --> 00:26:17.540
And then what do you want to get done in the rest of the year?

409
00:26:17.660 --> 00:26:19.260
Those are going to be your breakout questions,

410
00:26:19.260 --> 00:26:23.420
but I want you to be thinking about that all week long. Um,

411
00:26:23.860 --> 00:26:28.540
and then, um, let's see, things in your life will compete for your time.

412
00:26:28.540 --> 00:26:32.620
So some of you guys have mentioned, I'm in school, I'm doing this,

413
00:26:32.660 --> 00:26:36.780
I'm doing that. I've got a sick parent. I don't have time for myself right now.

414
00:26:37.020 --> 00:26:40.020
That's what got you guys in this mess and in this program in the first place.

415
00:26:40.180 --> 00:26:43.540
So we need to make sure you're still putting the oxygen mask on yourself.

416
00:26:43.860 --> 00:26:47.860
So don't let whatever's competing for your attention,

417
00:26:47.860 --> 00:26:52.420
completely derail you from taking care of yourself in this season.

418
00:26:53.140 --> 00:26:57.300
Okay. Let's see. Um, Oh,

419
00:26:57.420 --> 00:26:59.420
Carla added this. I'm so glad she added this.

420
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As you step into dating and the idea of dating, remember this,

421
00:27:04.220 --> 00:27:07.900
what you believe you become and what you become,

422
00:27:07.900 --> 00:27:12.580
you attract mindset can shift your dating experience.

423
00:27:13.140 --> 00:27:16.580
Example, if you believe dating is too much of a challenge,

424
00:27:16.820 --> 00:27:19.260
then that will translate how you show up.

425
00:27:19.500 --> 00:27:23.340
And that's going to show up and how others will respond to you.

426
00:27:23.660 --> 00:27:28.420
So if you act like every guy on the internet is a

427
00:27:28.420 --> 00:27:33.140
scammer, then that is what you will attract. Um, it just,

428
00:27:33.140 --> 00:27:37.340
it's the law of attraction. Um, and you guys, I love this.

429
00:27:37.380 --> 00:27:41.660
It's like if you are staring at a pothole in the road, by golly,

430
00:27:41.660 --> 00:27:45.460
you're going to hit the dang pothole. Like your car will follow your gaze.

431
00:27:45.740 --> 00:27:50.100
And I know that's true because when I first learned how to drive in Connecticut

432
00:27:50.100 --> 00:27:51.140
and the snow and the ice,

433
00:27:51.140 --> 00:27:54.380
one of the things that my dad taught me that I also heard, um,

434
00:27:54.860 --> 00:27:59.300
a car insurance guy say, cause they kind of talked about it in driving school.

435
00:27:59.500 --> 00:28:03.020
If you ever get into a point where you start to hide your plane or you're

436
00:28:03.020 --> 00:28:05.940
sliding on ice and you lose control of the car,

437
00:28:06.260 --> 00:28:10.900
the first thing you're supposed to do is look back at the main road.

438
00:28:11.260 --> 00:28:12.740
Your hands will follow.

439
00:28:13.260 --> 00:28:16.780
If you over correct with your hands without looking,

440
00:28:16.900 --> 00:28:18.820
you will start that fishtail spin.

441
00:28:19.140 --> 00:28:22.020
So you want to look where you want to go.

442
00:28:22.340 --> 00:28:26.220
Your body will follow. So that's the same idea with this.

443
00:28:26.260 --> 00:28:31.100
What you think is what you become and what you become is what you attract.

444
00:28:31.100 --> 00:28:34.980
So you really want to be thinking about what lies am I still believing about

445
00:28:34.980 --> 00:28:37.500
myself? What am I saying out loud? Now, you guys,

446
00:28:37.500 --> 00:28:40.420
I have been sad and depressed and lonely for sure.

447
00:28:40.820 --> 00:28:42.140
But in the last couple of years,

448
00:28:42.180 --> 00:28:46.300
I've stopped speaking that negative crap out loud and over me.

449
00:28:46.460 --> 00:28:51.020
I don't want to give the enemy any foothold cause he, he can't read my mind.

450
00:28:51.020 --> 00:28:53.220
Now he might want to plant some ideas in my head,

451
00:28:53.460 --> 00:28:57.820
but the enemy can't read my mind. So sometimes when I feel things coming,

452
00:28:58.100 --> 00:29:02.740
I say out loud, like, um, go to hell in the name of Jesus said, a,

453
00:29:02.780 --> 00:29:04.740
you know, enemy Satan, whatever you want to call him.

454
00:29:05.060 --> 00:29:08.900
Because like that little lie that you're trying to plant in my head is just

455
00:29:08.900 --> 00:29:10.900
crap. It might be, you know,

456
00:29:10.900 --> 00:29:14.260
how Jackie always says there's the truth and there's facts.

457
00:29:14.580 --> 00:29:16.620
The facts might be, I'm still single,

458
00:29:16.780 --> 00:29:19.180
but that's not the truth about the end of my story.

459
00:29:19.380 --> 00:29:22.300
So make sure you separate the truth from the facts.

460
00:29:22.860 --> 00:29:26.780
So dating is always an opportunity for you guys to grow.

461
00:29:27.140 --> 00:29:29.820
I will say this because I've probably been on more dates.

462
00:29:29.860 --> 00:29:32.740
I've probably been on a hundred dates in the last three years and I've had two

463
00:29:32.740 --> 00:29:37.220
very serious relationships and I have learned so much about myself.

464
00:29:37.220 --> 00:29:40.020
I've had so much fun and you guys had a lot of great dinners that somebody else

465
00:29:40.020 --> 00:29:42.260
paid for. So, I mean, it's all been bad.

466
00:29:42.540 --> 00:29:45.020
And so I will date completely differently.

467
00:29:45.020 --> 00:29:49.380
And I feel like everything that I did there is setting me up for now.

468
00:29:49.700 --> 00:29:52.860
I can tell you this, this is the reason why you guys want to have other dreams.

469
00:29:53.260 --> 00:29:56.060
Since being a part of Jackie's community,

470
00:29:56.300 --> 00:30:00.100
I left a 20 year position to kind of venture out into my own coaching.

471
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:05.440
in consulting business, I published a book and I started seminary eight months ago. So

472
00:30:05.440 --> 00:30:11.520
like all this stuff I thought I couldn't do until I got married, I'm doing now and I believe

473
00:30:11.520 --> 00:30:17.200
that's where he is. I mean, one of my future professors is really hot y'all so and I think

474
00:30:17.200 --> 00:30:22.240
he's divorced. I'm just saying, I won't be able to date him until after I have his class

475
00:30:22.240 --> 00:30:26.560
but you know, you never know how it's going to go. Okay, so I'm going to send you into

476
00:30:26.560 --> 00:30:33.200
the breakout room and I did really good on time today. All right, so I'm going to give

477
00:30:33.200 --> 00:30:37.120
you like depending on once I see how many people are actually in the room, I'm either

478
00:30:37.120 --> 00:30:41.120
going to give you like 10 minutes or 15 minutes. If I see a lot of you have four people, I'm

479
00:30:41.120 --> 00:30:46.160
going to give you the full 15 minutes. So remember, I'm going to put the questions that

480
00:30:46.160 --> 00:30:55.520
I mentioned in there. I'm going to put them in the chat box and you can take a screenshot

481
00:30:55.520 --> 00:31:00.880
of it and then I will also post it periodically during the thing but right there. So here

482
00:31:00.880 --> 00:31:06.080
are your three questions. The first one, what are three things that you are most proud of

483
00:31:06.080 --> 00:31:10.560
that you accomplished this year? I don't care you guys, do not let somebody cheat and go

484
00:31:10.560 --> 00:31:15.200
and I had any, you make them answer it. So everyone's going to answer that first and

485
00:31:15.200 --> 00:31:18.720
make sure you kind of move a little quickly so everyone gets a chance to go. Somebody's

486
00:31:18.720 --> 00:31:22.640
going to have to be the gatekeeper on time to make sure that one person's not hogging

487
00:31:22.640 --> 00:31:28.960
up all the time. What is one thing that you want to accomplish in phase two and then what

488
00:31:28.960 --> 00:31:33.840
is one thing you want to accomplish by the end of the year? So if you say get your guy

489
00:31:33.840 --> 00:31:39.200
in phase two, that can't also be your answer for number three. Does that make sense? So

490
00:31:39.200 --> 00:31:43.440
maybe it's like lose five pounds. I don't know. Maybe it's like get a new job. So it

491
00:31:43.440 --> 00:31:47.120
could be anything. So that's going to be your thing and I'm going to see, let's see how

492
00:31:47.120 --> 00:31:55.120
many people I have. Okay, four divided by 23 is, you guys, I really did well in math.

493
00:31:57.600 --> 00:32:00.480
I'm going to do five rooms and see what happens.

494
00:32:06.080 --> 00:32:11.440
No, that's not right. Wait, wait, stop. Wait, I got it. Wait, I got it. Can I redo this? Don't

495
00:32:11.440 --> 00:32:21.600
go. Don't go. I put too many in one room. How do I move people? Some of you are all still here.

496
00:32:21.600 --> 00:32:25.200
How do I fix this? I don't know if I can fix this. Dang it.

497
00:32:25.200 --> 00:32:30.000
We all click like not now, Renee. If we all reject your invite.

498
00:32:30.000 --> 00:32:33.680
Can you all reject it? Can you all reject me? Everybody reject me.

499
00:32:34.000 --> 00:32:40.000
I know some people already, like three people already left, but if everybody rejects me,

500
00:32:40.560 --> 00:32:44.320
because I should have made six rooms. My gosh, why can't I do the math?

501
00:32:44.320 --> 00:32:49.040
Four? I should have done seven rooms or six. I should have done six rooms.

502
00:32:51.360 --> 00:32:57.280
Dang it. Oh, let's see. Close all rooms. Oh, close all rooms.

503
00:32:57.360 --> 00:33:03.520
Oh, close all rooms. Ah, they're going to come back. They're going to come back.

504
00:33:07.760 --> 00:33:12.560
Okay. I've got some of you back here. I've counted wrong, so we're going to try this again.

505
00:33:15.120 --> 00:33:23.840
Oh, no. Break out rooms. No. Recreate. There we go. You know.

506
00:33:23.840 --> 00:33:42.800
Yes. Okay. There we go. That looks better. Open all rooms. Now y'all can go off to your room.

507
00:33:54.720 --> 00:34:16.560
One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three. One,

508
00:34:16.560 --> 00:34:22.000
two. One, two, three. Larissa, can you not go to a room?

509
00:34:23.840 --> 00:34:52.639
Okay, everybody is back from the group.

510
00:34:52.639 --> 00:34:57.800
Did anybody feel like, gosh, that was really empowering to help celebrate for a few minutes

511
00:34:57.800 --> 00:34:59.840
some stuff we've got done? Yes?

512
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.460
Yes, good, because you know what?

513
00:35:05.460 --> 00:35:11.760
The Garden of Eden should be our clue that we should not focus so much on what we don't

514
00:35:11.760 --> 00:35:15.400
have because Adam and Eve had everything.

515
00:35:15.400 --> 00:35:22.800
The only thing they didn't have was eating from the tree of good knowledge and good and

516
00:35:22.800 --> 00:35:23.800
bad.

517
00:35:23.800 --> 00:35:25.440
You know what I'm talking about.

518
00:35:25.440 --> 00:35:30.700
And so they went after the one thing they couldn't get, even though they already had

519
00:35:30.700 --> 00:35:32.920
everything that they needed.

520
00:35:32.920 --> 00:35:38.100
And so I always say to folks, and I said this in the prayer on Monday, the rear view mirror

521
00:35:38.100 --> 00:35:41.660
in your car is small for a reason compared to the windshield.

522
00:35:41.660 --> 00:35:47.940
We can't spend our day looking behind us what could or what it should have been.

523
00:35:47.940 --> 00:35:50.180
We have to keep our gaze forward.

524
00:35:50.180 --> 00:35:53.600
That's the only way that we can actually move forward.

525
00:35:53.600 --> 00:35:56.680
And if you feel like you have nothing going on in your life, that's okay.

526
00:35:56.680 --> 00:35:57.680
I get it.

527
00:35:57.680 --> 00:36:04.680
Like, I feel like I have a graveyard of things I've had to grieve in the last three years.

528
00:36:04.680 --> 00:36:08.560
And so I kind of feel like the disciples did when they went out fishing and they came back

529
00:36:08.560 --> 00:36:12.040
in the morning and their boat was empty, but guess what?

530
00:36:12.040 --> 00:36:16.560
Because they had an empty boat, Jesus was able to do a miracle and fill that boat up

531
00:36:16.560 --> 00:36:18.080
and fill it to overflowing.

532
00:36:18.080 --> 00:36:23.200
So if you feel like your boat is empty right now, it only means you just get out in the

533
00:36:23.200 --> 00:36:27.520
water one more time and do one more thing that's different.

534
00:36:27.520 --> 00:36:28.520
Okay.

535
00:36:28.520 --> 00:36:30.200
This is your last phase, Tekin.

536
00:36:30.200 --> 00:36:33.080
All right, girl, you've already been moved to phase three.

537
00:36:33.080 --> 00:36:34.080
I'm so glad.

538
00:36:34.080 --> 00:36:35.080
Yay.

539
00:36:35.080 --> 00:36:38.280
You know, I am kind of around in phase three too.

540
00:36:38.280 --> 00:36:43.120
Well, come to prayer on Mondays, I'm usually always leading prayer on Mondays, and I show

541
00:36:43.120 --> 00:36:45.120
up sometimes in phase three.

542
00:36:45.120 --> 00:36:46.120
I will find you all.

543
00:36:46.160 --> 00:36:47.160
I promise.

544
00:36:47.160 --> 00:36:48.160
I will find you all.

545
00:36:48.160 --> 00:36:49.160
Okay.

546
00:36:49.160 --> 00:36:50.160
So this is your time.

547
00:36:50.160 --> 00:36:51.160
You guys get to ask me questions.

548
00:36:51.160 --> 00:36:54.720
If you had an aha from any of the videos, it could have been something that was said

549
00:36:54.720 --> 00:36:58.560
great during the breakout, but this is your time.

550
00:36:58.560 --> 00:37:02.240
Start raising your avatar hand so I can call on you and ignore the whiny little crying

551
00:37:02.240 --> 00:37:03.920
thing that's going on over here.

552
00:37:03.920 --> 00:37:04.920
Okay.

553
00:37:04.920 --> 00:37:05.920
Samsung, do you have a name?

554
00:37:05.920 --> 00:37:06.920
Oh, I'm sorry.

555
00:37:06.920 --> 00:37:07.920
I missed you, Diane.

556
00:37:07.920 --> 00:37:08.920
I'll get you next.

557
00:37:08.920 --> 00:37:09.920
Oh, Regina.

558
00:37:09.920 --> 00:37:10.920
Sorry.

559
00:37:10.920 --> 00:37:11.920
I don't...

560
00:37:11.920 --> 00:37:12.920
Regina?

561
00:37:12.920 --> 00:37:13.920
No, it's all good.

562
00:37:13.920 --> 00:37:14.920
It's all good.

563
00:37:14.920 --> 00:37:15.920
Regina, are you on the app, Regina?

564
00:37:16.720 --> 00:37:18.720
I'm on the Zoom app.

565
00:37:18.720 --> 00:37:19.720
Yes, on the phone.

566
00:37:19.720 --> 00:37:25.160
No, I mean, I know some of the people in this group are off Facebook and some are on the

567
00:37:25.160 --> 00:37:27.080
actual Last Year Single app.

568
00:37:27.080 --> 00:37:28.960
Are you in the Last Year Single app?

569
00:37:28.960 --> 00:37:29.960
I am.

570
00:37:29.960 --> 00:37:30.960
Okay.

571
00:37:30.960 --> 00:37:31.960
Because I wanted to make sure you were that Regina.

572
00:37:31.960 --> 00:37:33.960
I'm the same Regina.

573
00:37:33.960 --> 00:37:34.960
Yeah.

574
00:37:34.960 --> 00:37:35.960
Yeah.

575
00:37:35.960 --> 00:37:40.160
You said something that kind of the light bulb went out.

576
00:37:40.160 --> 00:37:45.880
You were saying when you want to get to concentrate on someone, you want to say, hey, I want to

577
00:37:46.840 --> 00:37:49.400
pause, but you're not going to delete the apps.

578
00:37:49.400 --> 00:37:54.000
So I was like, oh, that's kind of like almost like an in-between because I did like, okay,

579
00:37:54.000 --> 00:37:59.720
it's either open relationship, not open relationship, you know, like dating multiple people at once

580
00:37:59.720 --> 00:38:03.040
or you're exclusive and you remove all the dating apps.

581
00:38:03.040 --> 00:38:05.080
But then I really like what you said.

582
00:38:05.080 --> 00:38:06.080
So-

583
00:38:06.080 --> 00:38:09.680
Well, it just depends how quickly you get exclusive, right?

584
00:38:09.680 --> 00:38:15.600
I mean, there are some people who are like, I'm going to date three months, not exclusive.

585
00:38:16.320 --> 00:38:19.000
So by the time you do get exclusive, it's a big deal.

586
00:38:19.000 --> 00:38:22.760
And so, yeah, you probably have both agreed, hey, we're both deleting the apps.

587
00:38:22.760 --> 00:38:24.200
Do you know what I'm saying?

588
00:38:24.200 --> 00:38:27.720
But like if I've been dating, like the last guy that I dated, and maybe, I don't know,

589
00:38:27.720 --> 00:38:30.520
we went exclusive too soon, but I had already been on so many dates.

590
00:38:30.520 --> 00:38:33.880
I was like, I could, I could use a break from talking to other dudes.

591
00:38:33.880 --> 00:38:41.600
Like I was all in, but it was like only two or three weeks into dating him that he wanted

592
00:38:41.600 --> 00:38:45.280
to like, hey, I'm just, he's like, I can't tell you what to do, but I want to just focus

593
00:38:45.280 --> 00:38:46.280
on you.

594
00:38:46.280 --> 00:38:50.720
So I didn't know him well enough to decide to delete apps, but I don't know about you,

595
00:38:50.720 --> 00:38:54.000
like putting up those photos and that bio, that took a lot of work.

596
00:38:54.000 --> 00:38:56.000
Like just turn it off.

597
00:38:56.000 --> 00:39:03.000
Like you can turn it off, but turning it off is really different than delete that sucker.

598
00:39:03.000 --> 00:39:06.520
And so it's not that, you know, I don't know.

599
00:39:06.520 --> 00:39:10.640
So that's my rule of thumb, but hey, y'all do what you feel comfortable with.

600
00:39:10.640 --> 00:39:14.120
If you're a guy, if you're like totally into your guy and he's like, we're going to delete

601
00:39:14.120 --> 00:39:17.080
the apps together, go for it.

602
00:39:17.080 --> 00:39:21.160
You know, cause if you're not deleting your app, then chances are he's not deleting his

603
00:39:21.160 --> 00:39:23.360
and maybe that you don't like that.

604
00:39:23.360 --> 00:39:29.040
So like if you, so I would say that's my thing, Regina, is it really depends how quickly you're

605
00:39:29.040 --> 00:39:34.520
getting exclusive and what's around the definition of that exclusivity.

606
00:39:34.520 --> 00:39:40.620
So, and Jackie really says that the exclusive conversation needs to be led by the guy.

607
00:39:40.620 --> 00:39:46.380
So it's not our job to lead that conversation, which is what happened with me and this guy.

608
00:39:46.380 --> 00:39:51.420
He started the conversation and I was like, yeah, yeah, sounds like a good idea.

609
00:39:51.420 --> 00:39:57.980
Like, you know, and so I feel like we want to let them take the lead on that conversation.

610
00:39:57.980 --> 00:39:58.980
Now if it's like, you're like two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12,

611
00:39:58.980 --> 00:39:59.880
13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 31, 32,

612
00:39:59.880 --> 00:40:00.380
33, 33, 33, 33, 33, 33, 33, 33, 33, 33, 33, 33, 33, 33, 33, 33, 33, 33, 33, 33, 33, 33, 33,

613
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:05.040
three months in and you're like really starting to have feelings for this guy, you might have

614
00:40:05.040 --> 00:40:11.300
to say like, Hey, you know, kind of what are your intentions?

615
00:40:11.300 --> 00:40:16.420
Usually when I ask the intention question, I try to find out sooner than I'm exclusive

616
00:40:16.420 --> 00:40:17.780
with him.

617
00:40:17.780 --> 00:40:22.860
So like in my early dating with a guy, here's the kind of question I ask a guy.

618
00:40:22.860 --> 00:40:25.260
So tell me where you're at in this dating journey.

619
00:40:25.260 --> 00:40:30.000
Are you kind of just getting back out there or are you feeling like, you know, you're,

620
00:40:30.000 --> 00:40:33.080
you know, like you're really kind of honing in, you kind of have an idea of what you're

621
00:40:33.080 --> 00:40:34.720
looking for.

622
00:40:34.720 --> 00:40:39.500
So like if he tells me, you know, at my just lost my wife or I just got divorced, the ink

623
00:40:39.500 --> 00:40:41.000
is not dry.

624
00:40:41.000 --> 00:40:43.440
I'm just getting on line dating.

625
00:40:43.440 --> 00:40:48.320
I know men like they're typically not going to run and jump to exclusivity right away,

626
00:40:48.320 --> 00:40:49.800
especially if they don't have a healed heart.

627
00:40:49.800 --> 00:40:53.120
So I'm going to be like, all right, this guy's going to probably go slower.

628
00:40:53.120 --> 00:40:54.120
Right?

629
00:40:54.180 --> 00:40:58.740
So if I hear a guy say, you know what, Renee, like I've done on enough dates, I'm really

630
00:40:58.740 --> 00:41:00.660
just looking for my person.

631
00:41:00.660 --> 00:41:05.820
Like I can tell he's got a little bit more of that pursuit marriage minded kind of thing.

632
00:41:05.820 --> 00:41:10.500
The other thing I will ask separately, so I'm not trying to scare the guy is I will

633
00:41:10.500 --> 00:41:16.660
say things like, well, so tell me what is on your goal list for the next year or two.

634
00:41:16.660 --> 00:41:21.260
What are the things that you are putting your time and energy into that you're hoping to

635
00:41:21.260 --> 00:41:23.840
accomplish in the next year or two?

636
00:41:24.560 --> 00:41:28.380
So I said that in a very broad way, if they're trying to finish school, are they trying to

637
00:41:28.380 --> 00:41:29.900
get a business off the ground?

638
00:41:29.900 --> 00:41:31.820
Are they trying to get a promotion?

639
00:41:31.820 --> 00:41:35.300
Are they trying to like medal in their triathlon?

640
00:41:35.300 --> 00:41:38.260
Because if they're trying to get married, that will be in the list.

641
00:41:38.260 --> 00:41:40.300
It may not be the first thing that they say.

642
00:41:40.300 --> 00:41:43.580
They might say, you know, I'm really trying to get my 401k together.

643
00:41:43.580 --> 00:41:46.460
I'm really trying to get this going on with the kids.

644
00:41:46.460 --> 00:41:49.340
You know, obviously I really want to find my person.

645
00:41:49.340 --> 00:41:55.080
If they say that early on while I'm asking about it, as I'm asking about all their other

646
00:41:55.080 --> 00:42:00.160
dreams, it's not like I'm trying to define the relationship if we've been out on 10 dates.

647
00:42:00.160 --> 00:42:01.160
Do you know what I'm saying?

648
00:42:01.160 --> 00:42:06.040
Like I just try to be very low key about like, and if they say to me like, well, where are

649
00:42:06.040 --> 00:42:07.040
you at?

650
00:42:07.040 --> 00:42:08.040
Especially because I'm in school now.

651
00:42:08.040 --> 00:42:09.800
Well, you know what?

652
00:42:09.800 --> 00:42:12.280
Right now I've kind of backburnered my career.

653
00:42:12.280 --> 00:42:16.560
I'm realizing right now with school, it's taken up so much of my time and energy.

654
00:42:16.560 --> 00:42:18.880
I'm kind of backburnering my thing right now.

655
00:42:19.420 --> 00:42:23.460
I'm just focusing on this, you know, ministry with last year single, I'm doing some fitness

656
00:42:23.460 --> 00:42:27.220
and some coaching, but really my first priority is getting through school in the next year

657
00:42:27.220 --> 00:42:28.220
and a half.

658
00:42:28.220 --> 00:42:29.900
And of course I'd love to really find my person.

659
00:42:29.900 --> 00:42:35.460
And so I make sure I say it because if I only say school and I don't mention find my person,

660
00:42:35.460 --> 00:42:38.020
he's going to be like, all right, well, she's not going to want to settle down until she

661
00:42:38.020 --> 00:42:39.020
graduates.

662
00:42:39.020 --> 00:42:40.740
And that's not true.

663
00:42:40.740 --> 00:42:44.580
He would make my life financially so much easier if he would pop the question before

664
00:42:44.580 --> 00:42:46.820
I graduate.

665
00:42:46.820 --> 00:42:49.440
And so that's a good way for me to do it.

666
00:42:49.440 --> 00:42:50.440
Does that help?

667
00:42:50.440 --> 00:42:51.440
Yeah.

668
00:42:51.440 --> 00:42:52.440
Thank you.

669
00:42:52.440 --> 00:42:53.440
Great.

670
00:42:53.440 --> 00:42:54.440
Diana, you're up.

671
00:42:54.440 --> 00:42:55.440
Thanks.

672
00:42:55.440 --> 00:43:01.360
When I popped back in, I heard the conversation that y'all were having and I just, I am rusty

673
00:43:01.360 --> 00:43:07.200
when it comes to flirting and I just, any tips y'all have for flirting when somebody

674
00:43:07.200 --> 00:43:10.000
flirts with me, I'm just like, woo!

675
00:43:10.000 --> 00:43:11.640
You guys were the ones talking about it.

676
00:43:11.640 --> 00:43:12.640
Okay.

677
00:43:12.640 --> 00:43:16.240
So here's the thing you guys, flirting, just think friendly.

678
00:43:16.980 --> 00:43:18.580
Think friendly.

679
00:43:18.580 --> 00:43:24.860
How it turns into a flirt is it's with a man and you look at him, you know, like, I don't

680
00:43:24.860 --> 00:43:28.340
know if you guys ever used to watch America's Top Model with Tyra Banks and she used to

681
00:43:28.340 --> 00:43:32.840
say things like, you have to smize, you have to smile with your eyes.

682
00:43:32.840 --> 00:43:38.620
So when Jackie gave me admin rights to the men's page, I got to read, she asked a question

683
00:43:38.620 --> 00:43:43.020
once and like, and I got to read all the answers, like, what do you look for most in a woman?

684
00:43:43.320 --> 00:43:46.400
And do you want to know the number one things that guy said?

685
00:43:46.400 --> 00:43:48.640
Nice smile, nice eyes.

686
00:43:48.640 --> 00:43:52.840
So he wants to see you smile with your eyes and smile with your mouth.

687
00:43:52.840 --> 00:43:59.000
And so literally that's the fastest way to start flirting, smile.

688
00:43:59.000 --> 00:44:06.720
Look at them longer, you know, catch someone's gaze or you can like catch their gaze and

689
00:44:06.720 --> 00:44:07.720
then drop your gaze.

690
00:44:07.720 --> 00:44:13.000
That's like, you haven't even said a dang thing and that's already flirting, right?

691
00:44:13.000 --> 00:44:18.700
Um, now I flirt all the time with what I would call safe topics.

692
00:44:18.700 --> 00:44:25.340
So I'm at the gym and if I can't reach the pulley thing to attach the thing, or I can

693
00:44:25.340 --> 00:44:29.420
if I stand up on the seat and then I can reach it, but I don't do that anymore.

694
00:44:29.420 --> 00:44:35.600
If there's a guy next to me, even if he's fat, ugly old dude, I'm going to practice

695
00:44:35.600 --> 00:44:40.660
asking for something to get a guy's attention, like, hey, do you mind reaching that for me?

696
00:44:40.840 --> 00:44:42.200
Oh my gosh, yes, of course.

697
00:44:42.200 --> 00:44:43.200
Thank you so much.

698
00:44:43.200 --> 00:44:49.940
So you see, I've practiced chatting with a guy that I don't really care how it goes.

699
00:44:49.940 --> 00:44:54.480
Like there was this other really good looking guy who actually is an amputee.

700
00:44:54.480 --> 00:44:58.240
And so I noticed like the high school kids bring in equipment to him.

701
00:44:58.240 --> 00:44:59.800
So it's just there for him.

702
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.280
So one day I was like, hey, do you want me to get some of the equipment for you?

703
00:45:03.280 --> 00:45:05.040
He's like, oh my gosh, that would be awesome.

704
00:45:05.040 --> 00:45:06.480
So we chatted for a few minutes.

705
00:45:06.480 --> 00:45:08.720
Now, for all I know, these guys were married.

706
00:45:08.720 --> 00:45:09.680
I don't know.

707
00:45:09.680 --> 00:45:14.240
But like that is me practicing being friendly.

708
00:45:14.240 --> 00:45:18.880
When somebody like offers to hold the door open instead of saying, oh, I got it.

709
00:45:18.880 --> 00:45:20.560
I say, OK, thank you.

710
00:45:20.560 --> 00:45:21.440
That would be great.

711
00:45:21.440 --> 00:45:22.400
Thank you so much.

712
00:45:23.600 --> 00:45:26.320
I compliment what people look like all the time.

713
00:45:26.320 --> 00:45:28.880
Like, oh my gosh, I really love that shirt on you.

714
00:45:28.880 --> 00:45:30.240
Like, oh my gosh, you know what?

715
00:45:30.240 --> 00:45:32.480
Like, I saw the way you were talking to that sales lady.

716
00:45:32.480 --> 00:45:33.680
You were just so kind.

717
00:45:34.640 --> 00:45:35.600
That was really nice.

718
00:45:35.600 --> 00:45:36.080
I'm glad.

719
00:45:36.080 --> 00:45:39.040
And they all say things like, chivalry is not dead.

720
00:45:39.040 --> 00:45:42.400
You know, like, I will find something to compliment.

721
00:45:42.400 --> 00:45:44.640
Who don't want to get a compliment, you guys?

722
00:45:44.640 --> 00:45:46.400
And practice it on women.

723
00:45:46.960 --> 00:45:48.400
Like, practice it on women.

724
00:45:48.400 --> 00:45:50.400
Like, Trina, I really like your hat.

725
00:45:50.400 --> 00:45:52.560
Like, oh my gosh, you look so adorable.

726
00:45:52.560 --> 00:45:56.400
Like, Diana, like, I really like the way the light is hitting your face tonight.

727
00:45:57.200 --> 00:46:02.560
Like, start practicing it on people that you're not, like, having the flutters with

728
00:46:02.560 --> 00:46:08.000
so that it becomes so second nature that you do it without even thinking about it.

729
00:46:08.000 --> 00:46:10.720
So we think we're supposed to, like, when we flirt with a guy,

730
00:46:11.280 --> 00:46:13.360
A, we don't practice it enough.

731
00:46:13.360 --> 00:46:15.760
B, we think we're supposed to come up with some pithy thing

732
00:46:15.760 --> 00:46:17.840
that's supposed to be, like, some whatever.

733
00:46:17.840 --> 00:46:21.440
Y'all, it just usually doesn't happen that way.

734
00:46:21.440 --> 00:46:25.440
Like, when I think about any of the guys that I've dated that I met in real life,

735
00:46:25.440 --> 00:46:30.640
I was in the middle of doing something corny, stupid, silly, and I wasn't worried about it.

736
00:46:31.200 --> 00:46:34.560
So we make it a big thing because we don't practice it,

737
00:46:34.560 --> 00:46:39.120
and we think it's supposed to be, like, this fascinating, glorious thing that we're going to say.

738
00:46:39.120 --> 00:46:42.560
Like, sometimes I'll look at a guy, I'm like, oh my gosh, you look so dapper tonight.

739
00:46:42.560 --> 00:46:46.080
Like, I love using that word dapper because, like, dapper is so old school.

740
00:46:46.880 --> 00:46:49.920
Like, and especially, well, at my age, I can say dapper.

741
00:46:49.920 --> 00:46:52.560
Now, if y'all are much younger than me, if you say dapper,

742
00:46:52.560 --> 00:46:54.400
they might not know that you're talking about.

743
00:46:54.400 --> 00:47:00.000
But whatever word y'all use that's, like, distinguished, like, men like kind of hearing that.

744
00:47:01.520 --> 00:47:06.400
And so, like, I will be friendly with the bartender, the wait staff,

745
00:47:06.400 --> 00:47:08.720
the guy checking me out at a store.

746
00:47:08.720 --> 00:47:09.600
Like, do you know what I'm saying?

747
00:47:09.600 --> 00:47:14.640
Like, just practice the crap out of being friendly with everybody.

748
00:47:14.640 --> 00:47:19.600
You guys have to practice walking in places and not having this in your hand.

749
00:47:19.600 --> 00:47:23.200
Put it away because when you're in line...

750
00:47:23.200 --> 00:47:26.320
Okay, even at the grocery store, you know, when you're in line at the grocery store,

751
00:47:26.320 --> 00:47:27.920
talk to the people around you.

752
00:47:27.920 --> 00:47:30.240
And sometimes if they're not in the mood to talk, guess what?

753
00:47:30.240 --> 00:47:31.440
They don't respond to you.

754
00:47:31.440 --> 00:47:34.160
So you just go, okay, that person don't want to talk to me.

755
00:47:34.160 --> 00:47:35.840
I can't tell you how many times I've been on a plane

756
00:47:35.840 --> 00:47:38.720
where the chick next to me will ignore me for the entire two hours.

757
00:47:38.720 --> 00:47:40.800
How is that humanly possible?

758
00:47:40.800 --> 00:47:43.440
We are six inches away from each other.

759
00:47:43.440 --> 00:47:45.040
How could you do that?

760
00:47:45.040 --> 00:47:48.160
So I will try being friendly with everybody.

761
00:47:49.520 --> 00:47:51.920
And I've learned to not sweat it.

762
00:47:52.800 --> 00:47:54.320
And so does that help, Diana?

763
00:47:54.320 --> 00:47:59.360
I want you to, like, think about how can I affirm people, compliment people?

764
00:47:59.360 --> 00:48:01.200
Like, oh my gosh, did you just got caught in the rain?

765
00:48:01.200 --> 00:48:02.720
I just got caught in the rain too.

766
00:48:02.720 --> 00:48:03.440
Like, I don't know.

767
00:48:04.320 --> 00:48:05.040
Mix it up.

768
00:48:05.600 --> 00:48:07.200
Like, keep it super...

769
00:48:07.200 --> 00:48:08.000
I always say kiss.

770
00:48:08.000 --> 00:48:09.360
Keep it super simple.

771
00:48:09.360 --> 00:48:11.120
Just keep it super simple.

772
00:48:11.120 --> 00:48:13.760
And just, like, practice at the little stuff.

773
00:48:13.760 --> 00:48:14.960
The way you get...

774
00:48:14.960 --> 00:48:21.680
The way the flirt turns on, you know, is you got to, like, bat your eyes just a little bit.

775
00:48:21.680 --> 00:48:22.560
You got to smile.

776
00:48:22.560 --> 00:48:24.000
Do, like, the side smile.

777
00:48:24.960 --> 00:48:29.680
You know, but like I said, I have practiced flirting with people I don't care about,

778
00:48:29.680 --> 00:48:30.240
which is...

779
00:48:30.240 --> 00:48:31.680
Well, it can get you in trouble sometimes.

780
00:48:31.680 --> 00:48:35.760
So sometimes if you practice on the wrong people and they flirt back,

781
00:48:35.760 --> 00:48:36.480
you might have to go...

782
00:48:38.640 --> 00:48:40.240
You know, you have to kind of rein it in.

783
00:48:41.600 --> 00:48:47.360
The car dealership, when I go get my BMW, my Mini Cooper serviced,

784
00:48:47.360 --> 00:48:50.720
I flirt with all the old men in there just to practice my flirt.

785
00:48:50.720 --> 00:48:51.280
Because you know what?

786
00:48:51.280 --> 00:48:54.240
One of them might have a son or a brother.

787
00:48:54.240 --> 00:48:55.200
Like, you never know.

788
00:48:55.200 --> 00:48:56.000
Like, you just...

789
00:48:56.000 --> 00:48:57.200
That's the thing, you guys.

790
00:48:57.200 --> 00:49:00.080
If you only flirt with what you think is your guy,

791
00:49:00.640 --> 00:49:03.680
you're missing out on what Jackie calls community matchmaking.

792
00:49:03.680 --> 00:49:06.320
Do you want to know before the internet and all these other things?

793
00:49:06.320 --> 00:49:10.000
You know how most people used to meet their person through somebody else?

794
00:49:10.960 --> 00:49:16.240
So the more people you are friendly with, that person might know your guy.

795
00:49:16.240 --> 00:49:18.240
And they're gonna be like, oh my gosh, you're adorable.

796
00:49:18.240 --> 00:49:19.600
You need to meet my son.

797
00:49:19.600 --> 00:49:21.120
Or you need to meet my brother.

798
00:49:21.120 --> 00:49:22.560
Like, you'd be perfect for him.

799
00:49:22.560 --> 00:49:25.040
Okay, I'll have him meet him.

800
00:49:25.040 --> 00:49:26.080
Here's my number.

801
00:49:26.080 --> 00:49:26.960
Have him call me.

802
00:49:26.960 --> 00:49:27.760
I'm a big girl.

803
00:49:27.760 --> 00:49:29.120
We go out for coffee.

804
00:49:29.120 --> 00:49:29.620
No big.

805
00:49:30.400 --> 00:49:32.800
When is it appropriate to give somebody your phone number?

806
00:49:33.600 --> 00:49:34.000
All right.

807
00:49:34.000 --> 00:49:37.840
So I don't like giving out my phone number to complete strangers.

808
00:49:37.840 --> 00:49:42.880
So if I'm talking to somebody and like, I will say this, in community here.

809
00:49:42.880 --> 00:49:47.120
So the way you can drop the hanky here is if you're in one of those co-ed sessions.

810
00:49:47.200 --> 00:49:51.600
You guys, if you're in Supernatural Saturday or Activation Sunday, now that you're in phase two,

811
00:49:52.480 --> 00:49:54.880
hopefully the guys have their first and last name.

812
00:49:55.440 --> 00:49:59.760
And if they're in our program, chances are they have a Facebook account or an Instagram account.

813
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.220
so you can go and drop something in their DMs

814
00:50:02.220 --> 00:50:03.820
and you can be as simple, and I've done this,

815
00:50:03.820 --> 00:50:05.440
you can be as simple as,

816
00:50:05.440 --> 00:50:09.120
oh my gosh, I noticed you on Supernatural Saturday.

817
00:50:09.120 --> 00:50:11.320
You seem to have a really warm smile.

818
00:50:11.320 --> 00:50:13.080
I'm just gonna throw this out there.

819
00:50:13.080 --> 00:50:14.600
I don't know anything about you.

820
00:50:14.600 --> 00:50:15.880
You don't know anything about me.

821
00:50:15.880 --> 00:50:18.160
I would love to get a chance to get, you know,

822
00:50:18.160 --> 00:50:20.720
have a quick video chat and get to know you a little bit.

823
00:50:20.720 --> 00:50:22.520
If not, that is okay too.

824
00:50:22.520 --> 00:50:24.040
I just really wanted to affirm you

825
00:50:24.040 --> 00:50:25.600
that you really caught my eye

826
00:50:25.600 --> 00:50:27.040
because here's the thing, you guys,

827
00:50:27.040 --> 00:50:28.680
even if he's not interested in you,

828
00:50:28.680 --> 00:50:30.440
you might make him feel like a million bucks

829
00:50:30.440 --> 00:50:31.960
and vice versa.

830
00:50:31.960 --> 00:50:33.280
Like, doesn't it make you feel good

831
00:50:33.280 --> 00:50:34.560
if somebody says like, oh my gosh,

832
00:50:34.560 --> 00:50:37.080
you have, you know, you really caught my eye.

833
00:50:37.080 --> 00:50:39.760
And so, especially if somebody drops the hanky with you,

834
00:50:39.760 --> 00:50:42.320
you wanna be really kind if you're gonna say no.

835
00:50:42.320 --> 00:50:44.400
Like, oh my gosh, I mean, I will say this.

836
00:50:44.400 --> 00:50:46.920
It's not like I get thousands of men coming after me.

837
00:50:46.920 --> 00:50:49.960
So I will usually get, like Jackie highlighted me once

838
00:50:49.960 --> 00:50:52.720
and I got some of the creepiest men reach out to me.

839
00:50:52.720 --> 00:50:55.760
I offered all of them a 15 minute video chat

840
00:50:55.760 --> 00:50:56.960
on Facebook Messenger,

841
00:50:56.960 --> 00:50:58.240
because we were in the same community.

842
00:50:58.800 --> 00:50:59.640
I was like, hey, I'll do,

843
00:50:59.640 --> 00:51:01.960
I wasn't gonna get in this whole texting back and forth.

844
00:51:01.960 --> 00:51:03.480
Like, I was not gonna waste my time.

845
00:51:03.480 --> 00:51:06.280
But I'm like, hey, let's hop on for a quick 15 minute chat.

846
00:51:06.280 --> 00:51:09.000
Anybody, I can give anybody 15 minutes.

847
00:51:09.000 --> 00:51:12.120
And you'll find out really fast,

848
00:51:12.120 --> 00:51:13.760
like sometimes people surprised me.

849
00:51:13.760 --> 00:51:14.880
And like, I actually wanted to go out

850
00:51:14.880 --> 00:51:15.760
on a real date with somebody.

851
00:51:15.760 --> 00:51:17.800
And sometimes I was like, oh hell no.

852
00:51:17.800 --> 00:51:18.920
But then I can be like, you know,

853
00:51:18.920 --> 00:51:20.320
it was really sweet getting to know you.

854
00:51:20.320 --> 00:51:23.680
I really don't feel like a, I wanna pursue this.

855
00:51:23.680 --> 00:51:24.520
That's why I usually say,

856
00:51:24.520 --> 00:51:25.520
I don't feel like I wanna pursue this,

857
00:51:25.520 --> 00:51:26.960
but it was so nice getting to know you.

858
00:51:26.960 --> 00:51:28.520
Thank you for so much for reaching out to me.

859
00:51:28.520 --> 00:51:30.400
So that's how I respond that way.

860
00:51:30.400 --> 00:51:32.360
But that's how you can do the drop the hanky

861
00:51:32.360 --> 00:51:35.680
in the DM thing in person.

862
00:51:35.680 --> 00:51:38.560
If you had a really cool conversation with somebody,

863
00:51:38.560 --> 00:51:41.000
I would tell them to look up your socials.

864
00:51:41.000 --> 00:51:42.000
That's what I would do.

865
00:51:42.000 --> 00:51:44.400
Cause I'm a little protective of my cell phone number

866
00:51:44.400 --> 00:51:45.280
to complete strangers.

867
00:51:45.280 --> 00:51:47.400
So I would say, oh my goodness, you know,

868
00:51:47.400 --> 00:51:48.960
I had so much fun getting to know you.

869
00:51:48.960 --> 00:51:50.440
You seem like a really cool guy.

870
00:51:50.440 --> 00:51:52.040
I don't know really anything about you.

871
00:51:52.040 --> 00:51:54.240
So if you're married or have a serious girlfriend,

872
00:51:54.240 --> 00:51:55.520
please tell me.

873
00:51:55.520 --> 00:51:58.000
But if you don't, I would love to get to know you.

874
00:51:58.000 --> 00:51:59.920
My Instagram handle is this,

875
00:51:59.920 --> 00:52:03.000
or this is how you can find me on social media.

876
00:52:04.000 --> 00:52:05.140
And see if they,

877
00:52:05.140 --> 00:52:08.400
because I actually want them to make a little effort

878
00:52:08.400 --> 00:52:09.480
to find me.

879
00:52:09.480 --> 00:52:11.560
If I hand them the phone number,

880
00:52:11.560 --> 00:52:12.500
do you know what I'm saying?

881
00:52:12.500 --> 00:52:14.980
Like they could toss it, they could forget about it.

882
00:52:14.980 --> 00:52:17.640
But if I really caught their interest

883
00:52:17.640 --> 00:52:20.640
and I say, go find me on my socials,

884
00:52:20.640 --> 00:52:23.160
I'm trusting them to do a little initiative.

885
00:52:23.160 --> 00:52:25.480
Cause I really do want them to kind of take the lead.

886
00:52:25.480 --> 00:52:29.120
So you want to drop the hanky without booking the date.

887
00:52:29.120 --> 00:52:30.020
But that's me.

888
00:52:30.020 --> 00:52:31.320
If you guys feel comfortable now,

889
00:52:31.320 --> 00:52:33.240
every now and then I do have business cards

890
00:52:33.240 --> 00:52:36.440
that I keep in my purse every now and then.

891
00:52:36.440 --> 00:52:37.920
I mean, I've not done this a lot,

892
00:52:37.920 --> 00:52:39.920
but if I really hit it off with somebody

893
00:52:39.920 --> 00:52:43.040
or I meet somebody who I know through somebody.

894
00:52:43.040 --> 00:52:44.600
So I know they're a safe human.

895
00:52:44.600 --> 00:52:46.920
I might say like, oh my gosh, this sounds really crazy.

896
00:52:46.920 --> 00:52:47.760
I know.

897
00:52:47.760 --> 00:52:49.480
It's if I don't hear from you, it's totally okay.

898
00:52:49.480 --> 00:52:50.680
But here's my business card.

899
00:52:50.680 --> 00:52:51.960
It's got my cell phone on it.

900
00:52:51.960 --> 00:52:53.040
Feel free to give me a shout.

901
00:52:53.880 --> 00:52:54.720
I'd love to get to know you a little bit.

902
00:52:54.720 --> 00:52:55.920
If not, it's all good.

903
00:52:55.920 --> 00:52:58.840
Like I always give them, if not, it's all good.

904
00:52:58.840 --> 00:53:00.660
No worries, no harm, no foul.

905
00:53:00.660 --> 00:53:03.160
Like I want them to know I am okay

906
00:53:03.160 --> 00:53:04.560
if they don't reach out to me

907
00:53:04.560 --> 00:53:06.960
and I really need to be okay.

908
00:53:06.960 --> 00:53:09.080
So you're going to do that.

909
00:53:09.080 --> 00:53:12.280
You have to be okay if they don't respond to you.

910
00:53:12.280 --> 00:53:13.840
Even if you thought they were flirting

911
00:53:13.840 --> 00:53:15.560
their butts off with you.

912
00:53:15.560 --> 00:53:18.360
I've had plenty of married people flirt with me.

913
00:53:18.360 --> 00:53:22.560
I've had plenty of people not ready to date.

914
00:53:23.080 --> 00:53:24.440
Like you ever been in that season of your life

915
00:53:24.440 --> 00:53:26.240
where you're not ready to get back out there

916
00:53:26.240 --> 00:53:28.000
but somebody you kind of have chemistry with

917
00:53:28.000 --> 00:53:30.120
and so you have fun kind of bantering with them.

918
00:53:30.120 --> 00:53:31.560
But then the minute they ask you out on a date,

919
00:53:31.560 --> 00:53:33.960
you're like, oh my gosh, I'm not ready to date yet.

920
00:53:33.960 --> 00:53:34.800
You know?

921
00:53:34.800 --> 00:53:36.600
And so a lot of reasons can be

922
00:53:36.600 --> 00:53:38.000
why they don't get in touch with you.

923
00:53:38.000 --> 00:53:41.200
So hopefully everything I just gave you, Diana,

924
00:53:41.200 --> 00:53:44.420
not only helps you, but everybody else.

925
00:53:45.740 --> 00:53:47.760
I can be your wing woman.

926
00:53:47.760 --> 00:53:48.640
I love doing it.

927
00:53:48.640 --> 00:53:51.400
You guys, no one used to flirt worse than me.

928
00:53:51.680 --> 00:53:52.600
I'm telling you guys,

929
00:53:52.600 --> 00:53:54.760
I was like the nerdy kid in high school.

930
00:53:54.760 --> 00:53:57.960
I did not have any flirting game on whatsoever.

931
00:53:57.960 --> 00:53:58.840
So if you're like, oh my gosh,

932
00:53:58.840 --> 00:54:00.080
I wish I could be like Renee.

933
00:54:00.080 --> 00:54:02.480
I promise you, this did not exist three years ago.

934
00:54:02.480 --> 00:54:03.400
That's this program.

935
00:54:03.400 --> 00:54:06.600
That's me practicing and being friendly with people.

936
00:54:06.600 --> 00:54:07.740
Thank you.

937
00:54:07.740 --> 00:54:08.620
You bet, sweetie.

938
00:54:08.620 --> 00:54:09.460
All right.

939
00:54:09.460 --> 00:54:10.760
iPhone up in the corner.

940
00:54:10.760 --> 00:54:11.800
You've got glasses on.

941
00:54:11.800 --> 00:54:12.840
I can't see your name.

942
00:54:12.840 --> 00:54:14.400
So you have to tell me who you are.

943
00:54:14.400 --> 00:54:15.240
Yep, you.

944
00:54:15.240 --> 00:54:16.320
You're coming in close.

945
00:54:17.240 --> 00:54:18.080
That's me.

946
00:54:18.080 --> 00:54:18.920
It's Diane.

947
00:54:18.920 --> 00:54:19.740
Oh, okay.

948
00:54:19.740 --> 00:54:20.580
Diane.

949
00:54:21.140 --> 00:54:22.880
Okay, so here's my question.

950
00:54:23.740 --> 00:54:27.980
First, I'll say that I've been here since March.

951
00:54:27.980 --> 00:54:28.980
I'm a plotter.

952
00:54:28.980 --> 00:54:29.820
So,

953
00:54:35.220 --> 00:54:37.780
I've been a slow go, right?

954
00:54:37.780 --> 00:54:39.460
Not in phase two.

955
00:54:39.460 --> 00:54:40.980
I started the program phase one.

956
00:54:40.980 --> 00:54:41.820
Oh, okay.

957
00:54:41.820 --> 00:54:42.660
Okay.

958
00:54:42.660 --> 00:54:43.480
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

959
00:54:43.480 --> 00:54:44.320
I got to clarify that.

960
00:54:44.320 --> 00:54:45.160
Okay.

961
00:54:45.160 --> 00:54:45.980
Yeah.

962
00:54:45.980 --> 00:54:48.460
So, but one thing I really appreciated is learning

963
00:54:48.460 --> 00:54:50.120
and it's never too late to learn

964
00:54:51.400 --> 00:54:53.220
about the different levels of dating

965
00:54:53.220 --> 00:54:55.420
because I was under this crazy impression

966
00:54:55.420 --> 00:54:57.900
that if you go out with somebody and you kind of connect

967
00:54:57.900 --> 00:54:59.260
and all of a sudden you're exclusive

968
00:54:59.260 --> 00:55:00.460
and then you jump into.

969
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.000
this thing. And of course, that doesn't really work very well.

970
00:55:04.680 --> 00:55:09.760
But what I'm finding is, and I did drop the hanky with some guy

971
00:55:09.760 --> 00:55:16.520
on online dating. And we've been, we've talked on the phone

972
00:55:16.520 --> 00:55:20.560
several times, I suggested a video date, we haven't done that

973
00:55:20.560 --> 00:55:25.480
yet. But um, we do a lot of messaging back and forth, which

974
00:55:25.480 --> 00:55:29.880
I know is not a relationship. But the content of the way he

975
00:55:29.880 --> 00:55:34.840
presents himself and our conversations. I, I'm starting

976
00:55:34.840 --> 00:55:38.160
to feel like I'm starting to feel like an attachment toward

977
00:55:38.160 --> 00:55:39.880
this guy. He lives in another.

978
00:55:40.800 --> 00:55:44.120
Let me stop you real quick. How long have y'all been messaging?

979
00:55:45.720 --> 00:55:53.120
Um, I don't, not two weeks yet. Maybe maybe just under two weeks

980
00:55:53.120 --> 00:55:53.880
I'm going to say,

981
00:55:54.360 --> 00:55:57.280
okay, and have you been texting every day in those two weeks?

982
00:55:57.840 --> 00:55:58.840
Pretty much.

983
00:55:59.200 --> 00:56:02.720
Okay. And so you're giving enough information? Are you giving

984
00:56:02.760 --> 00:56:09.280
out information about your exes about hopes, dreams? So when you

985
00:56:09.280 --> 00:56:12.680
text, what kind of conversation are you guys having for two

986
00:56:12.680 --> 00:56:13.200
weeks?

987
00:56:13.400 --> 00:56:18.400
Um, he's very, he jokes around a lot. And I joke around a lot

988
00:56:18.400 --> 00:56:22.280
too. So but in those jokes, we kind of find out about each

989
00:56:22.280 --> 00:56:26.800
other, like how we spend our time during the day. Um, you

990
00:56:26.800 --> 00:56:30.240
know, things that he values, you know, like long term

991
00:56:30.240 --> 00:56:32.320
friendships, you know, we kind of grew up

992
00:56:32.320 --> 00:56:34.920
Do you know that he is who he says he is?

993
00:56:35.640 --> 00:56:42.200
Um, well, now, we're Facebook friends now. Okay. So and so he

994
00:56:42.200 --> 00:56:45.040
hasn't wanted to video have a video chat with you yet.

995
00:56:45.400 --> 00:56:48.840
You know, he told me at first, he's never done that. So and

996
00:56:48.840 --> 00:56:51.440
then he would need help doing it. And I tried to explain how

997
00:56:51.440 --> 00:56:52.040
to do it.

998
00:56:52.360 --> 00:56:54.880
Well, you guys are already Facebook friends, you can do

999
00:56:54.880 --> 00:56:56.200
Facebook Messenger.

1000
00:56:56.440 --> 00:57:00.880
Yeah, I did. I mentioned that I mentioned that to him. So I'm

1001
00:57:00.880 --> 00:57:06.200
trying. I mean, the way I got him to call me was I said, you

1002
00:57:06.200 --> 00:57:07.160
know, um,

1003
00:57:07.600 --> 00:57:09.480
oh, so you've talked on the phone, at least

1004
00:57:09.600 --> 00:57:12.920
we have talked on the phone several times, you know, and I

1005
00:57:12.920 --> 00:57:19.240
just he's seeing he's, he's kind of a deep thinker. And he's,

1006
00:57:19.680 --> 00:57:21.240
yeah, I don't know how to explain.

1007
00:57:22.160 --> 00:57:26.200
I just want to make sure that you don't get too attached to

1008
00:57:26.200 --> 00:57:29.640
him before you have a face to face date with him. Because a

1009
00:57:29.640 --> 00:57:33.880
texting conversation is not a digital a digital relationship.

1010
00:57:33.880 --> 00:57:37.960
You guys is not a real relationship. It is so easy for

1011
00:57:37.960 --> 00:57:41.120
us to and I'm the queen of it. You guys, I can't tell you how

1012
00:57:41.120 --> 00:57:44.800
many fantasy lands I've been on with a text and relationship.

1013
00:57:44.800 --> 00:57:46.760
How far away do you guys live from each other?

1014
00:57:47.360 --> 00:57:52.520
Um, he lives? Yeah, I mean, it would be a plane ride. I live in

1015
00:57:52.520 --> 00:57:55.880
northern Oregon. He lives in southern Cal, way southern

1016
00:57:55.880 --> 00:57:56.840
California.

1017
00:57:57.400 --> 00:58:02.400
Okay, so all the more reason why you need to start logging video

1018
00:58:02.400 --> 00:58:07.040
time, because how else are you going to date this man? So you

1019
00:58:07.040 --> 00:58:10.040
know that the way that we discuss online dating, I mean,

1020
00:58:10.040 --> 00:58:14.200
online dating, right on distance dating, you guys, in general,

1021
00:58:14.200 --> 00:58:18.200
Jackie and I do not recommend texting for more than a week to

1022
00:58:18.200 --> 00:58:22.000
at the most before you get on either a phone call or a video

1023
00:58:22.000 --> 00:58:25.920
call, especially because he's long distance, you need to start

1024
00:58:25.920 --> 00:58:30.560
booking actual video conversation. It's the only way

1025
00:58:30.800 --> 00:58:35.200
you're going to get to see more of a three dimensional, you're

1026
00:58:35.200 --> 00:58:39.040
going to get to see body language, you're going to get to

1027
00:58:39.040 --> 00:58:41.960
see what he's like when he's looking at you when he's talking

1028
00:58:41.960 --> 00:58:45.640
to you, because you guys, I've had great texting conversations

1029
00:58:45.640 --> 00:58:49.240
with men that don't translate in real life, like they can't say

1030
00:58:49.240 --> 00:58:53.000
they can't pull two sentences together in real life. And so

1031
00:58:53.040 --> 00:58:55.200
you want to make sure that you're going to put your time

1032
00:58:55.200 --> 00:58:59.480
and energy into somebody now, again, to since it's long

1033
00:58:59.480 --> 00:59:03.000
distance, are you willing to move? Or is he? I mean, are you

1034
00:59:03.000 --> 00:59:04.680
willing to move? That's my first question.

1035
00:59:05.640 --> 00:59:10.960
Well, I'm retired. So the way I look at it is, I'm not going to

1036
00:59:10.960 --> 00:59:15.560
say it is. And I came up with this, I don't know if this is a

1037
00:59:15.560 --> 00:59:19.080
Holy Spirit thing, or this is just my own little thing. But I

1038
00:59:19.080 --> 00:59:22.480
was thinking, you know, a lot of people up here snowbird, you

1039
00:59:22.480 --> 00:59:25.200
know, and a lot of people where he lives think it's too hot in

1040
00:59:25.200 --> 00:59:32.720
the summer. So even I'm thinking, you know, theoretically

1041
00:59:32.720 --> 00:59:37.440
speaking, you know, two retired people can snowboard at each

1042
00:59:37.480 --> 00:59:40.920
other's homes. And you don't even have to sell your own home.

1043
00:59:40.920 --> 00:59:44.360
And you know what I mean? You can still live full time

1044
00:59:44.360 --> 00:59:48.720
together and maintain each other.

1045
00:59:49.800 --> 00:59:53.120
You're open to that. So when you guys first got connected, do you

1046
00:59:53.120 --> 00:59:54.640
know what he's looking for?

1047
00:59:55.640 --> 00:59:59.520
No, we didn't. We didn't really, you know, he didn't really come

1048
00:59:59.520 --> 01:00:00.040
right out.

1049
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.460
Some of these guys are like I'm looking for a wife and they say that right off the bat, you know

1050
01:00:04.460 --> 01:00:11.100
I want to get married and no I will say I will say this Jackie will encourage you when you're talking about an online thing

1051
01:00:11.180 --> 01:00:14.700
You need to learn sooner than later what their intentions are

1052
01:00:15.180 --> 01:00:17.920
You have to be in it to win it for it to work

1053
01:00:17.920 --> 01:00:25.120
So like right now I'm in a season where if somebody wants to date me long-distance because of me being in school

1054
01:00:25.240 --> 01:00:28.340
Maybe not making a lot of money. They would need to be able to come to me

1055
01:00:28.340 --> 01:00:31.060
I don't have the money to get on a plane and go see him

1056
01:00:31.220 --> 01:00:36.060
so unless their butts can fly and see me twice a month like we're not gonna be able to date and so

1057
01:00:36.660 --> 01:00:43.020
You and I'm only saying all of this to you because I sound like you're talking to him every single day and you're saying you're starting

1058
01:00:43.020 --> 01:00:48.340
To have feelings I wouldn't be saying this to you if you were like, hey, I met this guy a couple weeks ago

1059
01:00:48.340 --> 01:00:53.500
We talk every few days. I'm still talking to other people and you sounded more nonchalant

1060
01:00:53.500 --> 01:00:56.660
But it sounds like you're starting to get attached

1061
01:00:57.020 --> 01:01:03.540
So if you're starting to get attached, then you need to be really prudent you need to find out

1062
01:01:04.300 --> 01:01:10.260
Like hey, I'm really starting to enjoy you don't want to see you're getting attached. I'm really starting to enjoy my time with you. I

1063
01:01:10.940 --> 01:01:14.740
Am looking to date somebody in real life. That's what I'm here for

1064
01:01:14.820 --> 01:01:18.860
You don't want to say I'm getting ready to get married, but I'm looking to date somebody in real life

1065
01:01:19.300 --> 01:01:22.420
Obviously you are long-distance for us to do this

1066
01:01:22.660 --> 01:01:27.100
we're gonna have to be we would have to be committed to doing some video dates and

1067
01:01:27.540 --> 01:01:34.900
Jackie and I also recommend that within six weeks of video dates that you need to start talking about who's coming

1068
01:01:35.380 --> 01:01:37.380
Like you don't want to be dating somebody

1069
01:01:37.860 --> 01:01:42.900
Longer than six weeks without knowing if they're gonna actually come see you. So

1070
01:01:43.860 --> 01:01:50.800
Encourage you to say like hey, you know, I'm just realizing I'm really enjoying my time with you, but this isn't really dating

1071
01:01:51.300 --> 01:01:53.860
Okay, I'm looking to date someone in real life

1072
01:01:53.860 --> 01:02:00.580
If that's something that you're interested in to we're gonna have to figure out this video thing. I do zoom

1073
01:02:01.060 --> 01:02:07.380
He can do Facebook messenger. He's got Facebook messenger on his computer his phone. There's a video feature right there

1074
01:02:07.380 --> 01:02:13.700
I don't always do a Facebook messenger if I'm not Facebook friends with somebody because then they find out my last name and all

1075
01:02:13.700 --> 01:02:15.060
that other crap

1076
01:02:15.060 --> 01:02:21.140
But I will if we're already on Facebook together, so I'm just gonna encourage you so by next week. I

1077
01:02:21.780 --> 01:02:28.700
Want to hear that you've talked a little bit with him about trying to see if he actually wants to date you and

1078
01:02:28.940 --> 01:02:34.820
Getting that video booked because that might completely turn you on or completely turn you off

1079
01:02:35.820 --> 01:02:42.380
Okay, and then my other part of that question then would be while I'm starting to form this a

1080
01:02:43.180 --> 01:02:48.500
Preference or attachment to him. I'm finding it hard to be open to other people

1081
01:02:49.060 --> 01:02:53.240
Even though I know that I should how do you do that? How do you well?

1082
01:02:54.380 --> 01:03:02.220
Well, you reduce especially with long-distance you reduce how often you're talking to them and how long that conversation is going on

1083
01:03:02.740 --> 01:03:09.540
Okay, so I would say if you're having if you're texting him and it's spanning across all day

1084
01:03:10.220 --> 01:03:15.220
Every single day a whole hour and a half texting conversation

1085
01:03:15.340 --> 01:03:17.340
There's no way you're not gonna get attached

1086
01:03:17.460 --> 01:03:22.880
So you have to limit how much you're talking to that and that's that's good for all of you guys

1087
01:03:23.260 --> 01:03:27.580
That's how you stay at level two. You don't like if you have video dates

1088
01:03:27.580 --> 01:03:31.340
You don't stay on that video date longer than an hour. I've broken every rule

1089
01:03:31.380 --> 01:03:33.460
So just so you're like, oh my gosh, she knows what to do

1090
01:03:33.460 --> 01:03:39.740
No, I don't I'm telling you what to do, but I'm not telling you that it's easy to do because it's super amazing

1091
01:03:39.740 --> 01:03:42.340
You're gonna be on the phone for three hours before you know it

1092
01:03:42.340 --> 01:03:47.980
But then there's no way you can be on the phone or the video for two to three hours without start to tell them

1093
01:03:48.220 --> 01:03:50.220
Deepest darkest secrets, right?

1094
01:03:50.540 --> 01:03:56.300
That's how you it. It's really the only way you can manage it as you're managing your time. Got it. Thank you Renee

1095
01:03:56.420 --> 01:03:58.420
That's sweetie

1096
01:04:01.620 --> 01:04:06.700
Hi, I think I need to ask you and other women who are maybe even older than you I

1097
01:04:07.740 --> 01:04:12.860
Look at these dating these guys and if they're more than X number of hours away

1098
01:04:12.860 --> 01:04:16.980
I figure if they've got bunches of pictures with them with their grandkids

1099
01:04:17.260 --> 01:04:22.180
They're probably not going to want to leave them any more than I want to leave my grandkids

1100
01:04:23.220 --> 01:04:25.220
and I'm not going to so

1101
01:04:25.780 --> 01:04:28.540
You don't know that you don't know that unless you ask

1102
01:04:29.380 --> 01:04:34.580
Okay, I would say this don't assume that but if he's long-distance kind of like what we just said with Diane

1103
01:04:34.580 --> 01:04:39.660
Yeah, it is. Okay on your first couple of video dates to be like, hey, you know what?

1104
01:04:39.660 --> 01:04:44.860
I'd like I noticed you seem to be totally all in with your grants and I'm totally in with mine like

1105
01:04:46.140 --> 01:04:49.940
You know, we're kind of at the age where you know, we don't want to waste each other's time

1106
01:04:49.940 --> 01:04:55.500
So is relocating or like she was talking about by coastal living

1107
01:04:55.500 --> 01:04:59.060
By coastal living is that something you're even open to?

1108
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:03.800
Because you seem like a really cool guy, but like I don't want to take you away from your grant

1109
01:05:03.800 --> 01:05:07.400
I mean, you know I'm saying like how open to you are in your current location

1110
01:05:07.400 --> 01:05:13.420
I would argue at our age and I'm right there with you. I find that out sooner than later because like

1111
01:05:16.280 --> 01:05:18.720
Yeah, you know I've been I've been

1112
01:05:19.760 --> 01:05:24.200
Deselecting guys who are more than X number of miles away from me

1113
01:05:24.560 --> 01:05:28.280
Well, I would say you're counting yourself you don't assume that

1114
01:05:28.800 --> 01:05:33.520
Don't just because he's really close to his grandkids doesn't mean he can't make it work

1115
01:05:33.960 --> 01:05:36.160
He might be willing to like hey, you know

1116
01:05:36.160 --> 01:05:42.320
What can we spend summers at my hometown and I'll spend the rest of time with you or it might be 50-50

1117
01:05:42.320 --> 01:05:48.560
There's a couple that met in this community and they're doing 50-50 like one lives in Montana and one lives, Arizona

1118
01:05:48.560 --> 01:05:53.440
So they're gonna be toggling back and forth because they've got family in both and they're both retired

1119
01:05:53.440 --> 01:05:55.440
so why not like

1120
01:05:55.680 --> 01:06:00.480
Three months here then three months there than three months here. Why not like both homes are paid for why not?

1121
01:06:01.520 --> 01:06:06.280
Why not for me is because my son was really hurt when his dad

1122
01:06:06.840 --> 01:06:13.560
After we were divorced his dad moved from Minnesota to Washington and I kind of don't want to do that

1123
01:06:13.560 --> 01:06:19.000
I don't want to make your son again. Now. He's 30 plus 30. He's like 37

1124
01:06:19.920 --> 01:06:27.840
Okay, he was only 35 when this happened, okay, so he was I understand but he is a grown adult and so is he married

1125
01:06:28.240 --> 01:06:30.240
Yeah, well, he's actually

1126
01:06:31.000 --> 01:06:37.360
Separated. Okay, but does he have kids? Yeah. Okay. So he has a whole nother family system. So Stephanie

1127
01:06:37.360 --> 01:06:42.240
I'm just I'm not telling you you have to move but I am telling you that you not even being willing to talk to

1128
01:06:42.240 --> 01:06:45.920
Somebody where you see a bunch of grandkids or where you see a distance

1129
01:06:46.560 --> 01:06:52.240
You might be missing out on a really great he might be loaded and he can fly you back and forth

1130
01:06:52.240 --> 01:06:56.520
I'm just you just never know girlfriend. Okay. All right. I'll push it

1131
01:06:56.520 --> 01:07:02.440
No, you never know and if for nothing else practice dating, especially if your dating games a little loppy

1132
01:07:03.200 --> 01:07:05.200
Practice your dating game

1133
01:07:05.240 --> 01:07:09.400
So that's the way I look at it. Now. Some of you might be in a season like Renee. I've been there done that

1134
01:07:09.400 --> 01:07:14.920
I've done enough practice. I don't need the practice and I get that so if you're not getting enough practice

1135
01:07:14.920 --> 01:07:16.920
I'm gonna encourage you to be more willing

1136
01:07:18.280 --> 01:07:21.800
Yeah, okay and here's the thing God knows your heart

1137
01:07:22.080 --> 01:07:28.440
So he's not gonna ask you guys like Jackie always says this that he's not just finding a match for you

1138
01:07:28.440 --> 01:07:31.440
But he's Matt he's finding a match for your children, too

1139
01:07:31.440 --> 01:07:36.040
And so he's not gonna bring you a match that's not good for the whole family

1140
01:07:36.040 --> 01:07:36.720
and

1141
01:07:36.720 --> 01:07:41.320
you know and that was like my biggest thing with the last two men that I was serious with and Jackie and I were both

1142
01:07:41.320 --> 01:07:45.320
Like, you know Renee this is a God-defended and I did not know this

1143
01:07:45.560 --> 01:07:52.080
but the first guy that I was really serious with he was a widow and his adult children wanted nothing to do with him getting

1144
01:07:52.080 --> 01:07:53.160
remarried and

1145
01:07:53.160 --> 01:07:57.120
He was basically gonna choose me over them and I'm like they lost their mom

1146
01:07:57.120 --> 01:08:01.360
They can't lose you to like I can't be the thing that comes between the two of you

1147
01:08:01.360 --> 01:08:06.680
and then the last guy that I was with was in a season of being very estranged from his children and I realized I

1148
01:08:07.160 --> 01:08:11.080
Want kids like I want to be a bonus mom and a bonus grandma

1149
01:08:11.080 --> 01:08:15.240
So God's not gonna bring me somebody not with their kids all on board

1150
01:08:15.960 --> 01:08:21.319
And so God's not gonna do that to you Stephanie. He's not gonna make you choose between your children

1151
01:08:21.319 --> 01:08:24.640
He's just not God knows everything that's in your heart, Anita

1152
01:08:26.640 --> 01:08:31.040
Um, I just wanted to get some tidbits from you like in the first

1153
01:08:31.560 --> 01:08:35.040
50-minute video chat with someone or like, you know

1154
01:08:35.040 --> 01:08:42.560
Some first few casual encounters with men in the community you're in or whatever wherever your place like gym or whatever

1155
01:08:42.800 --> 01:08:45.840
How do you gauge whether that guy is?

1156
01:08:46.640 --> 01:08:48.640
Worthy for you to like maybe

1157
01:08:49.279 --> 01:08:53.720
No, I would drop a hanky like to know that all he's a masculine mature

1158
01:08:53.720 --> 01:08:59.920
I mean in the with a complete stranger you have no blessed clue. So you're just you're just practicing it out

1159
01:08:59.920 --> 01:09:02.899
And so if somebody like seems like okay

1160
01:09:02.899 --> 01:09:07.840
So here was that I met a guy at the gym in Connecticut when I was home visiting my mom. He was cute

1161
01:09:07.840 --> 01:09:09.840
He was probably way too young

1162
01:09:11.120 --> 01:09:14.040
He was probably yeah, probably not a good idea, but I thought

1163
01:09:14.720 --> 01:09:19.880
He like started flirting. He asked for my number. He's like, hey while you're in town, I'd love to take you to lunch

1164
01:09:19.880 --> 01:09:24.399
I was like, all right now. I don't know if he was a follower of Jesus or Satan

1165
01:09:24.399 --> 01:09:25.240
I mean, do you know what I'm saying?

1166
01:09:25.240 --> 01:09:26.680
I didn't know anything about this guy

1167
01:09:26.680 --> 01:09:31.439
But I was like, I'm willing to go talk to this guy and have coffee and find out like I'm not marrying him

1168
01:09:31.960 --> 01:09:35.399
So the only way you're gonna find out I need is if you actually

1169
01:09:36.000 --> 01:09:41.240
Talk to them. So if you have that kind of meet cute with a complete stranger

1170
01:09:41.439 --> 01:09:45.899
You really don't know and that's no different than an online date

1171
01:09:45.899 --> 01:09:51.240
Right a guy can put all like the guy that I almost was with you guys on paper

1172
01:09:51.399 --> 01:09:56.760
He was involved in this two men's groups a life group he went to church every week

1173
01:09:56.760 --> 01:09:59.960
He went to a midweek service. He volunteered at the church

1174
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:05.200
But you guys he was a complete narcissist too, and he had so many other broken wounds and issues

1175
01:10:05.200 --> 01:10:09.820
I did not learn all of that until about two months into the relationship

1176
01:10:09.960 --> 01:10:15.200
But as soon as I learned it I put a stop to it, but that's also why I didn't have sex with him

1177
01:10:15.200 --> 01:10:22.000
This is why we talked about like no hanky-panky right away because I because I kept the clothes on I

1178
01:10:22.200 --> 01:10:27.080
was able to make healthy choices and I didn't have sex collared glasses on and

1179
01:10:27.800 --> 01:10:31.900
Y'all because he was hot and like we had a lot of chemistry and if I had done that

1180
01:10:32.320 --> 01:10:38.620
With him it might have not been so I would have totally rationalized it. So that's why we have you do level dating

1181
01:10:38.800 --> 01:10:40.720
It's discovery dating

1182
01:10:40.720 --> 01:10:45.760
You're getting to know people and you're not gonna always find out all that information in your first

1183
01:10:46.120 --> 01:10:49.760
Conversation and notice we were like, well, I just want to find out right away on that first date

1184
01:10:49.760 --> 01:10:55.640
I'm just gonna ask if he knows Jesus and does he want to have sex before he gets married like we just don't recommend that

1185
01:10:55.640 --> 01:10:59.520
We just feel like that's just like well now y'all I used to do that

1186
01:10:59.520 --> 01:11:03.700
I'm pretty sure I scared away a lot of guys. I used to date like I whipped out the dossier

1187
01:11:04.480 --> 01:11:08.680
And I just started firing with questions because I didn't want to waste any time

1188
01:11:08.680 --> 01:11:14.120
And I'm just learning that the Lord will allow you to unfold that stuff pretty quickly

1189
01:11:14.120 --> 01:11:18.240
If you ask good smart questions, like when I ask things like well, what do you do?

1190
01:11:18.240 --> 01:11:19.640
You know, what do you do every week?

1191
01:11:19.640 --> 01:11:25.620
Like what are the things that matter to you that are taking up the most amount of your time if they mentioned working out?

1192
01:11:26.040 --> 01:11:29.440
Going out with their friends and I don't hear anything about faith

1193
01:11:29.440 --> 01:11:31.000
I go hmm

1194
01:11:31.000 --> 01:11:36.160
So then I might say like, you know, tell me like gosh, you and I are both kind of older

1195
01:11:36.160 --> 01:11:41.240
We've been through hard times. What have you found that gets you through hard days? Like what is your go-to?

1196
01:11:42.000 --> 01:11:47.920
For me, it's my faith. It's fitness. It's this and they might say oh, well, I go to the gym

1197
01:11:47.920 --> 01:11:51.880
So if they start answering questions, and there's no God talk anywhere in the story

1198
01:11:52.880 --> 01:11:57.760
Then I'm like I'm starting to get a clue right I'm starting to get a clue and then I might say

1199
01:11:58.920 --> 01:12:00.560
You know, here's what I've noticed

1200
01:12:00.560 --> 01:12:04.040
I've noticed that I talked a little bit about my faith and you haven't talked about it at all

1201
01:12:04.120 --> 01:12:09.000
So is that a part of your story at all? Is this faith show up in your story at all?

1202
01:12:09.000 --> 01:12:14.240
I haven't mentioned Jesus yet. You know, I've been scared them away. Jesus. I'm like this faith show up in your story at all

1203
01:12:15.000 --> 01:12:17.280
And I'm like, oh well, I grew up, you know

1204
01:12:17.280 --> 01:12:21.680
I kind of grew up with my family like sometimes they'll go into their whole childhood and I'm like, all right

1205
01:12:21.680 --> 01:12:24.600
That's awesome. So what does that mean for you today? I

1206
01:12:25.360 --> 01:12:31.440
Don't really care that your your grandmother was a Baptist man, whatever like I want to know what does that mean for you today?

1207
01:12:31.440 --> 01:12:33.440
Well, you know, I really don't go to church

1208
01:12:33.800 --> 01:12:40.360
I'm like, okay still don't know I'm like so tell me so does faith show up for you in any other way besides church service?

1209
01:12:40.760 --> 01:12:46.080
Well, it really doesn't now for me. I've been in ministry for 30 years and I'm in seminary

1210
01:12:46.200 --> 01:12:50.280
That's not good enough for me. So I can handle a baby Christian

1211
01:12:50.320 --> 01:12:53.320
I can handle somebody who's sloppy with their church attendance

1212
01:12:53.680 --> 01:13:01.200
But if I get answers like, you know, I know Renee I read scripture every night still I pray but honestly since the divorce and since

1213
01:13:01.200 --> 01:13:07.200
Kovat I've been really sloppy with church attendance, but I really like this guy online like that would be enough for me

1214
01:13:07.200 --> 01:13:09.200
I would keep talking to that guy

1215
01:13:09.200 --> 01:13:13.920
But like I've been on dates where guys are like, oh my gosh, why are you asking that question? It's so personal

1216
01:13:14.520 --> 01:13:19.520
Okay, so if we if I asked you to pray together, that's probably gonna be a big fat. No

1217
01:13:21.160 --> 01:13:28.040
Whoopsie, I mean, so that's the thing Anita. You just don't know you guys and that's the whole goal of discovery dating

1218
01:13:28.400 --> 01:13:34.280
That's why you've got to find out those things, but you can't vomit that on the first conversation

1219
01:13:34.320 --> 01:13:40.200
So it doesn't matter like Renee. You're just saying don't assume just maybe find out more

1220
01:13:40.280 --> 01:13:42.280
Look, okay. I met this guy

1221
01:13:42.280 --> 01:13:44.280
I don't know if he's married now

1222
01:13:44.280 --> 01:13:46.680
I didn't have a chance but we had a you know

1223
01:13:47.200 --> 01:13:54.760
Longer conversation like 10 minutes and the whole time I was asking him questions and he was just sharing all about himself

1224
01:13:54.760 --> 01:13:59.040
I didn't even have a chance to share mine. So I'm like, well, I want to rule him out

1225
01:13:59.040 --> 01:14:02.840
But I'm like, well, you know, I need to kind of here's what happens when that happens

1226
01:14:03.120 --> 01:14:09.840
Sometimes it's because we're asking so many questions. We're not giving them a chance to ask us any questions

1227
01:14:09.840 --> 01:14:13.840
So I have been told by guys like I'm like, oh my gosh, why didn't you ask him any questions?

1228
01:14:13.840 --> 01:14:18.000
He's like, well, you didn't give me a chance because you were firing all the questions at me. So I was like, ooh

1229
01:14:18.320 --> 01:14:21.560
So now I'm learning to let silence happen

1230
01:14:21.920 --> 01:14:28.680
so if I'm on a date or I'm at the gym and if I realize if I stop quit if I stop asking questions and

1231
01:14:29.040 --> 01:14:32.840
The quest the conversation dies out then he's not interested

1232
01:14:33.920 --> 01:14:35.920
And I realized okay

1233
01:14:36.280 --> 01:14:39.920
So he was answering all the questions or he's just about himself or it is not a date

1234
01:14:39.920 --> 01:14:42.960
And so I wait to see you know

1235
01:14:42.960 --> 01:14:45.880
But if I'm on a date date, and he's not asking me any questions

1236
01:14:45.880 --> 01:14:50.400
I might pause and say hey, I know I've just bombarded you with a bunch of questions

1237
01:14:50.560 --> 01:14:55.160
Do you have any questions for me? And I have to be honest with you. I need brain sex

1238
01:14:55.160 --> 01:14:56.840
so if I give him the

1239
01:14:56.840 --> 01:15:00.040
Hanky at that point and I say do you have any questions for me if he's like?

1240
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:05.980
Um, you know, like I'm kind of done with you too, because like, I need somebody to hold

1241
01:15:05.980 --> 01:15:10.540
some kind of conversation with me.

1242
01:15:10.540 --> 01:15:12.260
And so I will try to do that.

1243
01:15:12.260 --> 01:15:13.500
Sometimes I will give fun.

1244
01:15:13.500 --> 01:15:17.140
I will bring a deck of cards of fun questions to ask, and I'm like, all right, I've got

1245
01:15:17.140 --> 01:15:19.780
some fun, silly questions that we're both going to answer.

1246
01:15:19.780 --> 01:15:20.780
Do you mind?

1247
01:15:20.780 --> 01:15:21.780
Okay.

1248
01:15:21.780 --> 01:15:24.820
On this one, I'll let you go first on that one.

1249
01:15:24.820 --> 01:15:26.540
And this question, I'll go first.

1250
01:15:26.540 --> 01:15:29.940
So then I kind of do a banter thing, but I'll only do that on a date.

1251
01:15:29.940 --> 01:15:34.260
Like I bring like fun questions and then it's like fun, cause then I'm kind of forcing us

1252
01:15:34.260 --> 01:15:39.840
both to answer, but hopefully if it's a good day, you shouldn't have to work that hard

1253
01:15:39.840 --> 01:15:42.260
on the conversation going back and forth.

1254
01:15:42.260 --> 01:15:43.260
You know?

1255
01:15:43.260 --> 01:15:44.260
Okay, great.

1256
01:15:44.260 --> 01:15:45.260
Thank you.

1257
01:15:45.260 --> 01:15:46.260
Hopefully that helps.

1258
01:15:46.260 --> 01:15:47.260
All right.

1259
01:15:47.260 --> 01:15:49.060
You guys, it's at the bottom of the hour and Jackie's already told me I talk too long with

1260
01:15:49.060 --> 01:15:50.060
you guys.

1261
01:15:50.060 --> 01:15:52.180
I'm kidding.

1262
01:15:52.180 --> 01:15:53.380
I can talk all night with y'all.

1263
01:15:53.380 --> 01:15:54.380
It's so much fun.

1264
01:15:55.220 --> 01:15:56.700
But I do need to close this out.

1265
01:15:56.700 --> 01:16:01.500
So be thinking, feel free to ask questions throughout the week in the chat.

1266
01:16:01.500 --> 01:16:05.140
If it's a question I think I can answer easily, I will.

1267
01:16:05.140 --> 01:16:10.460
Remember Carla and I approve all the posts and we don't approve them until we have time

1268
01:16:10.460 --> 01:16:11.980
to answer them.

1269
01:16:11.980 --> 01:16:14.400
So we're usually the first ones to answer.

1270
01:16:14.400 --> 01:16:18.180
So that's why sometimes when you're waiting on a post, if I see a really long post and

1271
01:16:18.180 --> 01:16:21.700
I'm in passing, I'm like, I got to sit down and read that one so I can really have an

1272
01:16:21.700 --> 01:16:22.700
answer ready.

1273
01:16:22.700 --> 01:16:27.100
So as soon as I hit approve, I'm the first one that starts typing so that you know that

1274
01:16:27.100 --> 01:16:30.060
you're getting something from us.

1275
01:16:30.060 --> 01:16:36.380
Yeah, Janet, long distance is hard, man.

1276
01:16:36.380 --> 01:16:38.020
It's like, it's hard.

1277
01:16:38.020 --> 01:16:42.020
Like I've had a lot of men match up with me that I thought were a perfect match and they're

1278
01:16:42.020 --> 01:16:43.260
like, oh, you live in Tennessee?

1279
01:16:43.260 --> 01:16:44.780
Oh, that's too far away.

1280
01:16:44.780 --> 01:16:45.780
Here's what I type.

1281
01:16:45.780 --> 01:16:46.780
I go, well, you know what?

1282
01:16:46.780 --> 01:16:47.780
I work remote.

1283
01:16:47.780 --> 01:16:50.140
So for the right person, I'd be willing to move.

1284
01:16:50.140 --> 01:16:53.580
And if they type back, well, I know, but you know, that's just too far.

1285
01:16:53.580 --> 01:16:55.940
I just let it go because I get it.

1286
01:16:55.940 --> 01:16:58.260
Long distance dating is not for the faint of heart.

1287
01:16:58.260 --> 01:17:00.740
It's a pain and some people aren't in the mood to do it.

1288
01:17:00.740 --> 01:17:04.500
And so I just don't take it personal and I let it go.

1289
01:17:04.500 --> 01:17:05.780
All right.

1290
01:17:05.780 --> 01:17:08.980
Some of you are going to be, Carla, I know you're going to be hopping off to phase three.

1291
01:17:08.980 --> 01:17:11.900
I'm so excited that you were here tonight.

1292
01:17:11.900 --> 01:17:12.900
Go with God.

1293
01:17:12.900 --> 01:17:16.540
I know I will see you celebrating life in phase three.

1294
01:17:16.540 --> 01:17:20.460
If anybody else is leaving, it's been a joy and honor.

1295
01:17:20.460 --> 01:17:24.300
And you know, you got the love seats and the ask Jackie.

1296
01:17:24.300 --> 01:17:25.300
So that's the other way.

1297
01:17:25.300 --> 01:17:30.120
When you get to phase three, you can, there's going to be a tab for ask a coach.

1298
01:17:30.120 --> 01:17:33.540
You're going to be in the app, whether you're on Facebook or the app right now, phase three

1299
01:17:33.540 --> 01:17:34.540
is in the app.

1300
01:17:34.540 --> 01:17:37.060
And there's a tab in the section that says, ask a coach.

1301
01:17:37.060 --> 01:17:39.100
That's how you can ask coaches questions.

1302
01:17:39.100 --> 01:17:43.080
You can fill out the ask Jackie form or you can get in the love seats.

1303
01:17:43.080 --> 01:17:48.920
So there is a great way for you to continue to get great dating advice in phase three.

1304
01:17:48.920 --> 01:17:50.880
It's been a blessing and honor to be with you tonight.

1305
01:17:50.880 --> 01:17:51.880
Go with God.

1306
01:17:51.880 --> 01:17:51.880